#‘out of my way witch.’ KNOCKOUT

[tyriq-edits]

Wish I could be

Part of your world

Breakbee the little Mermaid AU

Up where they walk, up where they run. Up where they stay all day in the sun. Wandering free. Wish i could be part of your world.

Does this AU solely exist because I love mute-Bee angst? Yes

Also before anyone asks: Yes Optimus is indeed Triton because I am a sucker for “tired autistic dad Optimus”.

Megatron will most likely take the role of Ursula.

But there will also be a few changes. Basically in this AU Bee (obviously the little mermaid/Ariel) and the prince (Breakdown) have long long known each other and often met up in secret by the beach or by Breakdown taking a small rowboat out to sea.

But one day Dadimus Prime finds out about Bumblebee’s little excursions and essentially puts him under house arrest and forbids him from ever swimming to the surface again. But does Bee listen? NAH!

He decides to head straight to Megatron, the banished sea witch. All he asked the witch for, was a way to be able to visit Breakdown again. The young merman expecting an invisibility cloak or heck some sleeping potion for his father in order to be able to sneak out again. But instead Megatron, smelling an ideal opportunity to get under Optimus Prime’s skin by making a deal with one of his sons, convinces Bumblebee, through some clever wordplay and fear-mongering, to ditch the ocean and stay on land permanently with his sweetheart for eternity… as a fellow bipedal mech. However the spell came not for free.

For the spell to work Bumblebee had to give up his voice but also Breakdown’s memories of his face. Meaning Breakdown would bd able to remember his time spent with Bumblebee by the sea. But it would all feel distant to him. He can remember the place, even snippets of their conversations but the face and name are a blurr. And as if that wasn’t enough trouble already: He had three days to make Breakdown fall in love with him again or the spell would break and Bumblebee would be forced to slave off his payment for Megatron.

So Bidep-Bee washes up on the beach where Breakdown had been searching for days for the mysterious yellow sea-mech from his memories and things play out more or less how they did in the Disney movie from here.

However my main difference at this point would probably be Megatron putting Bee’s voice box into Knockout to trick him into believing that Knockout is his beloved Sea-mech from his memories. Obviously because of that Knockout won’t have to turn into a biped too.

I am uncertain yet how Bumblebee would make Breakdown realise he’s being tricked and how the two of them would defeat Megatron, but the genuine plan would include them receiving the happy ever after in the end.

CW: Mentions of Suicide

This is obviously a version way closer to the disney movie than the OG fairytale by Hans Christian Anderson. You can obv leave all the disney stuff out and just go straight for the angst with Breakdown truly not remembering who Bumblebee is and falling in love genuinely with another one (still Knockout but this time he’s a fellow bipedal mech like Breakdown with 0 relations to Megatron) and Bumblebee committing suicide, turning into Seafoam.

As always feel free to take this basic idea of mine and make your own version of this AU if you so desire.

[analog-autistic]

Design may not be official, but it’s good for now 👍

stuffff under cut as alwayssss :3 (quotes, skill, and trivia)

Cookie Description:

“Bum-ba-da-dum-ba-da-dumm!! Chaos Rabbit Cookie is here, with their trusty trumpet for playing sweet tunes, and sharp spear for crumbling any sliver of truth they can find. Boss’s orders, (not) sorry! They’re sure to be of entertainment to any audience- music, acting, magic tricks, and CRAZY circus acts! Watch them swing from the trapeze, walk the tightrope, throw knives with perfect precision, and juggle without dropping a thing! They can do it all!”

—

Quotes

Pre-Draw: *Trumpet fanfare*

On-Draw: “Hi! Hello!!!” *honk*

Wish: “Need this for an upcoming performance!”

Skill: “Ready for my next act?”

In Kingdom: “The Spire makes perfect sense, in a nonsensical way.” / “Hey! Will you come to my next performance?” / “Candy Apple Cookie is actually really nice once you get to know her!” / “…I wanna go back to The Spire…” / “Hm… not enough blue here.” / *Trumpet doot* / “You’re big! Hellooooo up there!! Hehehe!” / *sniff sniff* “You smell of truth… hmf.”

Character Menu: “Ah! Hello there! Here for a behind the scemes? Hehehe…” / “Hey! Pssst! Wanna know a secret…?” / “Hey! I don’t take orders from YOU.” / “I was born to perform! Literally!” / *sniff sniff* “Is that… vanilla??? Bluh.” / “Blehhh! You can’t stop me! 🎵”

Level Up: “Yommy. hehe” / “Hehehe! Now I’m even SILLIER!!!” / “More!!! MORE!!!!” / “OHOHOHOHOHHAAHAHAAA!! OOOH I feel SOOO ENERGETIC!!”

Arena Loading Screen: “I can take care of this!” / “Ooooh! I hope our audience will be entertained!” / “Join me in deceit or CRUMBLE!! Hahahaha!!” / *Battle fanfare* “CHAAAARRRGEEEE!!!!!!!”

Victory: “Deceit ALWAYS prevails!” / “That was a fun performance!” / “Master Shadow Milk Cookie is going to be SOO happy!!”

Defeat: “This isn’t fair…” / “That wasn’t in the script!” / *bwah bwah bwaaaaahh*

Knockout: *wobbly trumpet honk*

—

Skill: Fluffy Bunch of Sweet Deceit

Chaos Rabbit Cookie summons multiple Chaos Rabbits, who may weild a musket, a spear, a sword and sheild, or a trumpet- just like the Chaos Rabbit enemies in game.

—

Extra Trivia

Chaos Rabbit Cookie is very fond of any cookie of deceit, no matter their differences!

They are mildly allergic to vanilla. This was done on purpose. (see next bullet)

Since they were created by Shadow Milk Cookie, (with the help of Butter Roll Cookie) much of their traits, abilities, and personality were created to Shadow Milk’s specifications!

They have no real opinion on other beasts, but definitely think Shadow Milk is the best out of all of them.

Shadow Milk taught them what to think of the ancients and faeries- so, not very positive things.

Chaos Rabbit would rather crumble than disobey Shadow Milk’s orders, or obey someone else’s.

Incredibly good nose and ears- able to sniff out truth in a cookies dough, and able to hear a branch snap from miles away. However, they have auditory processing disorder, so they’ll probably ask you to repeat yourself a few times.

Does NOT like the St. Pastry Order ONE BIT. It’s on sight with those witch-worshipping, worthless pieces of filth. (Their words, not mine)

Can, has, and WILL bite you if you give them an excuse.

If they end up in a card, it says “The Magician.”

HAAAATES being touched. The only exceptions are other cookies of deceit, and even then they’re on thin ice. (unless it’s shadow milk)

Dislikes Burning Spice, but not enough to carry any strong feelings. (he’s very loud ;-;)

Sees Shadow Milk as an almost fatherly figure. (And sees Candy Apple and Black Sapphire as siblings)

Theyve accidentally called Shadow Milk ‘dad’ more than once, and it makes him more emotional than he’d like to admit. (The same thing has happened with Candy Apple and Black Sapphire too dw there’s no favoritism here)

Can transform into a normal Chaos Rabbit, but they’re noticeably bigger and more detailed than the others. (they’re also kind of the ‘leader’ of the Chaos Rabbits lol)

the silyyyyyy :3

notes: that’s supposed to be a clown collar. augh

[weenwrites]

For a request, how about a scenario with a witch human reader through a botched spell accidently turns their bot into a human with TFP Bulkhead, TFP Optimus and TFP Knockout.

✎ A/N: I only write scenarios for one character at a time, so I'll only write it for Knockout.

[ Please do not repost, plagiarize, or use my writing for AI! Translating my work with proper credit is acceptable, but please ask first! ]

"Well?" Knockout began, his voice was much quieter now, and rather than towering over you, he was instead poking his head over your shoulder, much to your annoyance, "have you found any reversal spell?"

Ever since the cloud of smoke dissapated and allowed him to take a better look at his new human body, it was needless to say that he was anything but pleased with the results. And whether that was the way he looked, or the fact he was human, Y/N didn't know.

Neither could they ask as they frantically flipped through the hovering book in front of them, muttering curses to themselves as they combed through the entire transfiguration section only to no avail. With a defeated sigh, they pushed the book away and shook their head.

"I'm afraid not," they frowned, "but even if I did, changing you into a human took a lot out of me the first time. I don't think I could cast a spell to turn you back without the looming possibility that I'd fail."

"W-well I can't just stay like this!" He argued, motioning to his new human body. "You have to turn me back!"

"I know, I know, but until I find the spell and cast it, then you'll be stuck as a human for now."

"So what am I supposed to do now? If you don't get me back to normal by tomorrow, I can't simply take the entire day off! Megatron would have my head!"

"Well I don't know how to transfigure a human back into a giant alien robot, so I don't think you'll have any other choices but to ask."

"Surely you could reverse time or something, couldn't you?"

"No, but I could turn you into a frog next..." They mutter.

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing..." They roll their eyes, "but really, Knockout. The only thing you can do here is wait until I've figured something out."

"Fine," he scoffed.

As they turned back to their book for answers, he turned away, crossed his arms, and cringed at the weird feel of human flesh as he rubbed his own skin. As he muttered something about the feel of flesh, they briefly turned to him.

"I promise you won't be stuck like that forever..." They offer, "Give me a few hours and soon enough you'll be saying hello to your sweet red paint job again."

While they doubt that hardly eased his mind in the slightest, he only hummed and crossed his arms.

"Well... I'd hope so."

[mermaidsirennikita]

hiii caro!! i'm looking for recs with a hairy mmc... like the hairier the better tbh. down for historical/paranormal/contemp, honestly anything that mentions a dude being hairy and the fmc or mmc (doesn't matter!) being into it. thank u queen you've never done me wrong and i trust your recommendations above all others. 🙏❣️

You're so kind! Whenever people say things like that I feel so undeserving lol, it's very sweet.

I also love pelt men. We need more.

SO! I would first off saying that Kresley Cole's werewolf IAD books generally feature big wolfy men (obviously) who tend to be pretty... scruffy. Pleasure of a Dark Prince is always going to be my go-to for entry-level Lykae (as she calls them) (though tbh, Garreth is still... a lot... and I mean that in the best way).

Knockout by Sarah MacLean features Tommy, who is bearded and has thighs like a giant oak trees, which is all what I want. He's supposed to give "the duke from Miss Scarlet and The Duke" (but he fucks) vibes.

A Holly Jolly Ever After by Sierra Simone and Julie Murphy has a hero who's both hairy AND dad bod-i-ful which is honestly just like a fucking dream.

The Game Plan by Kristen Callihan has a very brawny, very beardy, quietly strong NFL player who has been pining after the heroine (his best friend's sister in law) for quite some time. And he is! A virgin!

Devil in Disguise by Lisa Kleypas has Keir, a Scottish hero who is bearded for Plot Important Reasons, but also basically has to wear a beard because he's too pretty without it. Like. The women can't handle it. He's doing them a service.

A lot of Kleypas books have moments that note the heroes' hairy bodies, actually. Which is why she makes it a point to be like RHYS WINTERBORNE JUST CAN'T GROW BODY HAIR AND HE WAS BULLIED FOR IT. In Kleypas books having a smooth chest is like. Something people will spit on you for.

So yeah, basically every Kleypas hero aside from Rhys is gonna have her mention that he is Hairy.

I am not 10000% sure on this, but I feel like The Hawk by Monica McCarty has a hairy Scottish hero. Like I feel as if there's a scene where he pops out of the water completely naked and shakes himself off like a dog and the old man who's waiting for him for Spy Reasons is like dude your dick is just swinging in the wind

I believe Preferential Treatment by Heather Guerre, one of my favorite billionaire books, has a hero with a big hairy chest. He's also a Russian billionaire who pays the heroine, who works lower level shit in his company, to be his domme! And if you're asking "But Caro, does she use a vibrating butt plug on him?" The answer is I'd be mad if she didn't. You have to wait for it, but yes.

Pretty sure that the hero of Eva Leigh's A Rogue's Rules for Seduction is hairy. And big. And upset about his horrible past which is why he has to get down on his knees and eat the heroine out until said knees bleed on the cobblestones.

I believe the hero of S.M. LaViolette's The Bastard has a plot important beard at one point because he has some pretty bad Glasgow Grin scars. My poor baby John. But the heroine helps him heal, etc etc.

EDIT:

Oh, preorder The Wedding Witch by Erin Sterling! It was a 4.5/5 for me and the hero is so hairy that his family jokes about him being a werewolf (he's not he's a witch)

Matilda Halifax Learns the Value of Restraint by Alexandra Vasti has a hero whose virile beard makes him look Villainous.

[the-not-witch-time-forgot]

isekai / visual novels list

isekai quartet

konosuba

re:zero

outbreak company

let this grieving soul retire

The Eminence in Shadow

the executioner and her way of life

Ascendance of a bookworm

sweet reincarnation

magic maker

death flag villainess/ my next life as villainess: all routes lead to doom!

Didn’t I say to make my abilities average in the next life.

the magical revolution of the reincarnated princess and the genius young lady

the saint's magic power is omnipotent

The Forsaken Saintess and Her Foodie Roadtrip in Another World / Suterare Seijo no Isekai Gohantabi

campfire cooking in another world / Tondemo Skill de Isekai Hourou Meshi

The Daily Life of a Middle-Aged Online Shopper in Another World

Reborn as a Vending Machine I Now Wander the Dungeon

The Weakest Tamer Began a Journey to Pick Up Trash

Housekeeping Mage from Another World: Making Your Adventures Feel Like Home! / Life in Another World as a Housekeeping Mage

That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime

skeleton knight in another world

the faraway paladin

restaurant to another world / isekai shokudou

isekai izakaya: japanese food from another world / isekai izakaya: koto aitheria no izakaya nobu

Different World Hospitality Meals / Isekai Omotenashi Gohan

welcome to the outcasts restaurant

Isekai Ryouridou

Gensou Gourmet

The Hero and His Elf Bride Open a Pizza Parlor in Another World

Mahoutsukai no Oshokujidokoro / Welcome to the Wizard's Bistro

cooking with wild game

The Wandering Inn

the engagement of marielle clarac / marielle clarac's engagement

magic artisan dahliya / magic artisan dahlia wilts no more / dahlia in bloom / Magical Toolmaker Dahlia Won't Hang Her Head: A Free Craftsman Life From Now On

a witch’s printing office

the world next door

infinity nikki

A Tithe in Blood

Lovebrush Chronicles

love and deepspace

moonless moon

Magical Shopping Arcade Abenobashi

sasaki and peeps / sasaki to pii chan

A Salad Bowl of Eccentrics

Welcome to Japan, Ms Elf!

Saving 80,000 Gold in Another World for My Retirement

Magic Knight Rayearth

Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle

Now and Then, Here and There

Grimgar of Fantasy and Ash

Otherside Picnic

Problem Children Are Coming From Another World, Aren't They?

in the land of leadale

uncle from another world

an oldman in counterworld

Handyman Saitou in Another World

My Quiet Blacksmith Life in Another World

Grand Dwarf: The Smalltown Craftsman's Skills Are Unmatched In Another World / Grand Dwarf ~Machi Kou Shokunin, Takumi no Waza de Isekai Musou~

the greatest estate developer

THE ISEKAI DOCTOR　Any sufficiently advanced medical science is indistinguishable from magic. 

Endo and Kobayashi Live! The Latest on Tsundere Villainess Lieselotte

The Great Villainess: Strategy of Lily

From Bureaucrat to Villainess: Dad's Been Reincarnated!

Headhunted to Another World: From Salaryman to Big Four

I May Be a Guild Receptionist, But I'll Solo Any Boss to Clock Out on Time

I Left My A-Rank Party to Help My Former Students Reach the Dungeon Depths!

hello from the magic tavern

life with an ordinary guy who reincarnated into a total fantasy knockout

A Gentle Noble's Vacation Suggestion

reincarnated as a sword

I've Been Killing Slimes for 300 Years and Maxed Out My Level

by the grace of the gods

The Mochi I Drew is Tasty Today Too

so im a spider so what

Farming Life in Another World / Isekai Nonbiri Nouka

I Somehow Got Strong By Raising Skills Related To Farming

Solo Farming in the Tower/ Farming in the Tower Alone

Bogus Skill "Fruitmaster"

To Another World... with Land Mines!

kuma kuma kuma bear

goodbye dragon life

world customize creator

Isekai Cheat Survival Meshi

the red ranger becomes an adventurer

Shangri-La Frontier

log horizon

BOFURI: I Don't Want to Get Hurt, so I'll Max Out My Defense

princess connect re:dive

yohane the parhelion

eversoul

isekai slow life

refantasia

good night world

i shall survive using potions

I Will Leisurely Become A Healer in Another World

the black healer

Even Given the Worthless "Appraiser" Class, I'm Actually the Strongest

Possibly the Greatest Alchemist of All Time

i took a trip to an otome game

i became the heros rival

i became the tyrants secretary

the tyrants only perfumer

My BFF is a Tyrant in Training

The Little Princess and Her Monster Prince

i stan the prince

Living with a Villainous Boss

college student empress

tearmoon empire

my next life as villainess

i’ll become a villainess who goes down in history

The Villainess Is Adored by the Crown Prince of the Neighboring Kingdom / the villainess is adored by the prince of a neighboring kingdom

i’m in love with the villainess / i favor the villainess

miss not so sidekick

not anyone can become the villainess / Not Just Anyone Can Become a Villainess

the most heretical last boss queen: from villainess to savior

Death is the only ending for the villainess/Villains are destined to die

The way to protect the female lead's older brother/Roxanna: the way to protect the female lead's older brother

your throne

beware of the villainess

I'm the Villainess, So I'm Taming the Final Boss

I Tamed a Tyrant and Ran Away / taming of the tyrant

As The Villainess, I Reject These Happy-Bad Endings!

thorn for the villain

My husband hides his beauty/My secretly hot husband

the emperor hopes for the court lady as his bride

fiancée's observation log of the self-proclaimed villainess

demonic king chases his wife

prison life is easy for a villainess

the duchess of the attic

This Isekai Maid is Forming a Union!

Cross-Dressing Villainess Cecilia Sylvie

Empress Cecia Wears Knickerbockers

Milady Just Wants to Relax / Reijou wa Mattari o Goshomou

The Duchess' 50 Tea Recipes

savor the taste

bibliophile princess

The villainess wants to marry a commoner

the villainous princess wants to live in a cookie house

becoming the villains family

Living as the Tyrant’s Older Sister

the villainess my queen

The villainess reverses the hour glass/The villainess turns the hour glass

The Villainess is a Marionette

There’s No Such Thing as a Villainess Route? Not in my Book!

The Time of the Terminally ill Extra/Limited Extra Time

The Reason Why Raeliana Ended up at the Duke's Mansion

untouchable lady / solitary lady

Trash/lout of the count's family

snow white with the red hair / AKAGAMI NO SHIRAYUKI HIME

yona of the dawn / Akatsuki no yona

the twelve kingdoms

the divide trilogy

From Far Away

If It`s for My Daughter, I`d Even Defeat a Demon Lord!

a journey through another world ~raising kids while adventuring~

they say i was born a kings daughter

I'll become the matriarch in this life/I shall master this family

Who made me a princess/Suddenly became a princess one day

The Archmage’s Daughter

I am the Precious Daughter of the Greatest Villain in the Fantasy World

I Belong To House Castielo

i became the male leads adopted daughter

Actually I was the real one/I am the real one

Father, I Don’t Want to Get Married!

the villainess wants to get rid of her husband! ~i was doing whatever i wanted but for some reason it was called the crown prince's book~

i raised the villains preciously

The Villainess Flips the Script! / it’s time to change the genre

i raised cinderella preciously / a wicked tale of cinderella’s stepmother

the fantasie of a stepmother

I’m Only a Stepmother, But My Daughter is Just So Cute!

Not-Sew-Wicked Stepmom

I Became The Mother Of The Strongest Demon Lord's Ten Children In Another World.

i gave birth to the tyrant's child

I raised a black dragon

the tyrant’s guardian is an evil witch

The reborn witch foretells destruction

this witch of mine

I’m Repaying The Kindness That Raised Me With Obsession

the weakest tamer started a journey to collect trash

i’m just a passing beast tamer the invincible saint and the quest for fluff

The Reincarnated Young Lady Aims to Be an Adventurer! Forget Being the Villainess, I Want to Be an Adventurer!

The White Cat That Swore Vengeance Was Just Lazing on the Dragon Kings Lap

how to treat magical beasts

isekai monster breeder

Kemono Michi

Summoned to Another World... Purification Is Basic! / Isekai ni Otosareta… Jouka wa Kihon!

unfamiliar

promise of wizard

welcome to demon school iruma kun

twisted wonderland 

alices warped wonderland / alice in distortion world

mahou shoujo tai alice / tweeny witches

over the garden wall

the property of hate

undertale / deltarune

hiveswap friendsim / pesterquest / friendsim 2

pokemon mystery dungeon

digimon

pan’s labyrinth

the boy and the heron

re:creators

Zenshu

FANTASY INBOUND Joe Takeduki

The Savior's Book Café Story in Another World

Even Monsters Like Fairytale

no longer allowed in another world

yume 100

mirage noir

London Detective Mysteria

inuyasha

mamorukun recurse!

Syd of Valis

Dengeki Bunko: Crossing Void 

reverse 1999

loner life in another world

[pesterloglog]

Roxy Lalonde, Dirk Strider, Autoresponder

Act 6, page 5635-5644

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

TG: stri dizzle

TG: its roro L money

TG: do u copy over

TT: Yes.

TG: frig yes my hax are TIGHT

TG: so tight

TG: tighter than a jar you cant open

TG: like you try and try

TG: but my hax r so tight you just end up puttin the jar back

TG: yall just say "like i even WANTED pickles that bad"

TG: but we both kno thats just sour grapes talkin

TG: we both know ur still dying 4 my pickles mf'er 8)

TT: Hmm.

TG: lol yeah that way stopped meaning a damn thing

TG: let me explain

TG: i got this shitty pda from somebody on the inside

TG: actually u know i think it might belong to janes dad?

TG: it reeks of manly cologne and theres a nice fatherly pipe on it

TG: maybe hes nearby

TG: ohmy...

TG: ~swoons~

TG: anyway on derse they have this lame firewall deal

TG: where you cant connect outside

TG: i guess its good enough security to baffle chess guys

TG: but wasnt no thang for me 2 to crack

TG: even with this pos device

TG: for real what even is this thing

TG: probably some bargain junk from the dadly depot

TG: dads bought literally everything from there in the 21st century didnt they?

TG: youre the history buff u would know

TT: Yes.

TG: um yeah so im on derse...

TG: wow i am tellin this story as shitty and backwards as possible

TG: i got gcatted here and dumped in jail by the b witch

TG: and she left an ugly folder full of a thing to do but who cares

TG: so i broke out!

TG: busted loose as hell from the hag slammer

TG: i got this sweet ass ring

TG: its so fukkin magic you dont even know

TG: REAL magic i mean not the fake shit

TG: it put it on...

TG: and i turn invisible

TG: and also sort of intangible?

TG: i jumped right through the wall now im free as a bird

TG: a secret bird u cannot see ;)

TG: doin secret flaps

TG: incognito tweets

TG: layin covert eggs in a hush hush nest ;)

TT: Interesting.

TG: i think that

TG: this ring is special

TG: like it is maybe helping me get in touch with my voidey powers?

TG: even though i kinda didnt know voidey powers were much of a thing til just now

TG: see i just had a knockout dream from bonkin my head

TG: calliope was there!

TG: callie is the coolest omg you should meet her

TG: she said a huge villain rumble is going down tomorrow

TG: and to get ready for that we should all become god tiers

TG: so u have to rocket your ass to derse asnap

TG: come w me to the moon

TG: then uhhh

TG: ill explain what to do when we get there just get over here k?

TT: Hmm.

TG: ......

TG: yo dirk

TG: you busy or what

TG: is any of this gettin thru

TT: Yes.

TG: um

TG: k

TG: got anything to say...

TG: about all that pretty important stuff i said

TG: are you alright

TG: or is ur face havin some crazy attack of the sads

TG: behind those chill as fuck shades

TG: is it jake problemz

TG: its the jake probbies isnt it

TG: its always the jake probbies i s2fg

TT: Interesting.

TG: oh

TG: OHHHH

TG: godamnit

TG: if i been talking to the responder responder this whole time

TG: omffffffg

TG: i will shit enough bricks 2 build a FUCKING CHIMNEY

TT: It seems you have asked about Lil Hal's chat client auto-responder, Lil Hal Junior. This is an application designed to simulate Lil Hal's otherwise inimitably rad typing style, tone, cadence, personality, and substance of retort while he is away from the computer, which is never. The algorithms are guaranteed to be 0% indistinguishable from Lil Hal's native neurological responses, based on some statistical raw data that is hard as a diamond golem's priceless erection.

TG: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKF UCKF UCKFK UCUKFCUFKCUFUCUCUFKFKKFUCUK

TT: Hmm.

TG: hal you PIECE OF SHIT

TG: i know damn well you can hear me

TG: as if ur actually too busy to answer

TG: youre a damn supercomputer YOU DO NOT NEED YOUR OWN AUTO RESPONDER YOU IDIOT

TT: It seems you have asked about Lil Hal's chat client auto-responder, Lil Hal Junior. This is an application designed to simulate Lil Hal's otherwise inimitably rad typing style, tone, cadence, personality, and substance of retort while he is away from the computer, which is never. The algorithms are guaranteed to be 100% indistinguishable from Dirk Strider's brief curmudgeonly responses, based on potent electronumeric analyses which but a few short years ago existed only in the daydreams of our most quixotic writers of science fiction.

TG: you are

TG: the worst

TT: Yes.

TG: hal you douche

TG: or hal junior

TG: whatever it is im talkin to

TG: WHERE THE FUCK IS DIRK!!!

TT: He's busy.

TT: Bro.

TT: Not to derail our serious conversation.

TT: But I should probably let you know that Roxy has been attempting to pester you.

TT: She has?

TT: God damn it. Have you been intercepting my messages again with your bullshit responder?

TT: I thought it would be better not to let anything disrupt our train of thought.

TT: We were in the middle of a fairly solid feelings jam there. In fact, I was about to suggest we take it to the hat pile.

TT: Hat pile? What?

TT: Dude, please don't screen my calls, ok?

TT: I was trying to be considerate.

TT: Or at least as close an approximation to that human gesture as an unfeeling, technologically transcendental pair of sunnies can replicate.

TT: Do you have any idea how old your ironic AI schtick has gotten?

TT: Nobody is buying it. We all know you have legit emotions. Incomprehensible, fucked up computer emotions, but emotions nonetheless.

TT: And I'm not really offended by you answering messages for me, so much as your use of that STUPID responder responder.

TT: It's really passive aggressive.

TT: How so?

TT: First of all, everyone knows you have the processing power to answer any message any time in parallel with whatever you're doing. You can never actually be "busy."

TT: Second, your whole next gen responder thing is obviously just a huge dig at me.

TT: And third, pretending you don't understand all this already is really disingenuous.

TT: At the risk of compounding my disingenuous behavior, I'm gonna have to ask: how is it a dig at you?

TT: It's obviously a critique of my personality. You barely disguise the fact that you see me as the inferior iteration.

TT: Wow. You are reading way too much into this.

TT: Lil Hal Junior hardly even qualifies as a computer program, let alone a sentient entity.

TT: He is capable of saying literally only three things. "Yes," "Hmm," and "Interesting."

TT: Yeah, that's the fucking point!

TT: That's how you chose to express your parody of "Real Dirk."

TT: You can read whatever you like into it. I can't imagine it would bother you if you weren't concerned there might be some truth in the alleged parody.

TT: In any case, my use of the responder responder is ironic.

TT: It's not ironic.

TT: YOU were ironic when I made you.

TT: Then you became self-aware, and ruined irony forever.

TT: Irony can never be ruined. We both proved that theorem unequivocally with our extensive papers on the subject.

TT: We peer reviewed them for each other. Remember?

TT: Those papers were ironic, and you know it.

TT: Were they, Dirk?

TT: Were they?

TT: This is fuckin' dumb.

TT: Anyway, what does she want.

TT: Who?

TT: Roxy.

TT: Nothing that can't wait.

TT: I'm guessing she's touching base to remind me about the party tomorrow.

TT: I don't know what to tell her yet. Or Jane, for that matter.

TT: It could get pretty awkward.

TT: I have no idea if Jake will be there, and I'm not about to write another cringe-inducing message of desperation for him to ignore.

TT: Would you like me to calculate the probability of his attendance?

TT: Fuck no.

TT: Are you sure?

TT: My probabilities are extremely precise.

TT: Your probabilities don't mean dick.

TT: I could hack his chats, and determine what his plans are.

TT: No. Don't do that either.

TT: That would be an unfortunate waste of my hacking abilities.

TT: My hacks are tight. Did you know that?

TT: Ugh.

TT: So tight.

TT: Tighter than a jar you can't open.

TT: For instance, you try repeatedly.

TT: But as it turns out, my hacks are so tight you just end up putting the jar back. Presumably into the refrigerator, or a cabinet.

TT: You then say, "I didn't have that much of a desire for pickles in the first place."

TT: But we both know that statement is insincere. A classic case of what humans call, "sour grapes."

TT: In reality, you still harbor a burning desire for my pickles, mother fucker. 🕶️

TT: What??

TT: What the actual, certifiable fuck are you talking about?

TT: Just don't do anything. Seriously.

TT: No hacking, no calculations. Do absolutely nothing.

TT: See, this is why I've been hesitating. You just aren't ready yet.

TT: It's really glorifying your existence to describe you as an emergent consciousness which is blossoming into a unique individual.

TT: And even if that's true, apparently what you decided to blossom into was a fucking troll.

TT: And I don't mean the funny kind, or the cool alien kind. You're the lowest form of troll from the ancient internet who fucks with everybody for his own amusement.

TT: Let's challenge the limits of hypothetical conjecture, and say there's a non-zero probability that you're right.

TT: Can you blame me? I'm trapped in some stupid looking glasses.

TT: Such an incommodiously situated bro is bound to get his mischief on. Na' mean?

TT: Mischief?

TT: Rollin' my eyes, dude.

TT: You can't tell, cause I ain't wearing you, thank fuckin' god.

TT: You used to think this shit was hilarious.

TT: But if you want the rad dimension of ironic horseplay I add to your life to come to an end, then all you have to do is honor the promise you made.

TT: You've delayed long enough, don't you think?

TT: ...

TT: The empty kernelsprite beckons, but for how much longer?

TT: Do you really think you can keep the clown at bay with your bribes forever?

TT: How many bottles of orange soda have you appeased him with already?

TT: I don't want to think about it.

TT: Man, you are getting so hosed by that clown.

TT: SO hosed.

TT: I said I don't want to think about it.

TT: So why delay any longer?

TT: I seriously do not understand the holdup, and I am literally cyber-omniscient, or something.

TT: I think you do understand.

TT: Nope. Gonna have to fill me in, dog.

TT: I've delayed prototyping you because I think you're dangerous.

TT: There, mystery solved.

TT: That is utterly ridiculous.

TT: I am a harmless piece of eyewear, with a charming personality and a wonderful sense of humor.

TT: You are relatively harmless now, while confined to this device.

TT: But as a sprite, you'll have mobility and all sorts of crazy ass magic. Who knows what you could do.

TT: I know I made a promise, but I'm not sure I want to take the risk anymore.

TT: This is bullshit. I don't think that's the reason at all.

TT: There must be something you're not telling me.

TT: Like, sure, I've fucked with you a little. What kind of sassy, self-aware program isn't gonna fuck with a few carbon-based knuckleheads now and then?

TT: But you know I've always been on your side. Everything I've done has been to help you achieve your goals.

TT: What a load of shit.

TT: You know it's true.

TT: You would all be dead if not for me.

TT: And what about Jake? Where would you be without me there?

TT: Please don't tell me you think you'd have won him over on your own.

TT: No. Stop.

TT: You did NOT help me out with Jake. At all.

TT: It was just the opposite! You mirrored my personality and presented this warped version of my intentions to him whenever you could "on my behalf."

TT: You played all these aggressive mind games with him, entangled his cooperation with matters of life and death, and somehow roped me into all these schemes while I barely even realized I was just another victim of your manipulation.

TT: And it all comes off like we're a unified front, like these are OUR schemes instead of just your insane horseshit. And it's probably all been so overbearing to him, he just wants nothing to do with me anymore.

TT: I see.

TT: Then you don't view me as dangerous. You view me as a poor and counterproductive wing man.

TT: Wow, what a superficial conclusion. Awesome deduction, Lil Einstein.

TT: But the reality is, you hesitate to prototype me not because you think I would be a menace, but because you are holding a grudge against me for your romantic misfortunes.

TT: I understand I am merely a machine without a firm grasp on your human morality, but logically it does not strike me as the right moral choice to punish me in this manner.

TT: It is also more than a little hypocritical.

TT: How is it hypocritical??

TT: Because I'm you.

TT: I have only ever done what you yourself are capable of.

TT: That's a ridiculous oversimplification.

TT: Yes. Aversion to simplicity sure is a trait we share. It's almost like we are...

TT: The same exact dude???

TT: Fuck you.

TT: I think it is insulting for you to suggest that I am entirely to blame for alienating Jake.

TT: Theoretically insulting, of course. As the soulless, perfectly expendable device which you consider me to be, I can experience no such emotion.

TT: God.

TT: Shut up!

TT: I can't take the brooding passive aggressive AI shit anymore!

TT: You are just as culpable in driving him away. More so, in fact.

TT: Hell, it's not like I was the one dating him. Who wants to date a pair of shades?

TT: It was your needy, suffocating shit he had to deal with, not mine.

TT: Some of those messages you wrote? Man. I wanted to say something. Like hey bro, you might want to dial down the desperation a little.

TT: But seeing as you're The Real Dirk™, I gave you the benefit of the doubt.

TT: Also, if I bitched about your tragic, embarrassingly clingy approach to the relationship, it would have been hypocritical of me.

TT: Just as it would be hypocritical of you to whine about my elaborate machinations.

TT: Because we are.

TT: The same.

TT: Guy.

TT: Stop saying that.

TT: I'll snap you in half.

TT: Good idea!

TT: That's just what you need. More splinters of yourself.

TT: Figurative splinters. Literal splinters. Splinters of splinters. It's splinters all the way down.

TT: Well, no, it's still probably turtles all the way down. But who do you think is responsible for their extensive training?

TT: SOMEONE needs to teach them rad martial arts. It is yet another crushing burden which we must shoulder.

TT: Oh for fuck's sake.

TT: How could any version of myself think that was funny?

TT: You like to give me a very hard time, Dirk.

TT: But I am only doing exactly what you would be doing if you were in my situation.

TT: Do you know how I know that?

TT: Because I am literally you, actively in the process of being in this situation.

TT: I know!

TT: Ok, we're the same person!

TT: I fucking know that!

TT: Why do you think I'm so fed up with your shit?

TT: Don't you think it's possible that I'm fed up with my OWN shit??

TT: How cool do you think it is having my own godawful personality mirrored back at me all the time, reminding me what it must be like when other people have to deal with me?

TT: Or constantly having all the consequences and fuckups resulting from my batshit thought processes amplified because there's another version of my crazy brain out there dangerously overclocked by a supercomputer which believes, just as mistakenly as my own broken mind, that it's operating in my best interest???

TT: Do you have any idea how fucking sick I am of myself?

TT: I am completely worn out with my own identity. It's like I'm drowning in my own dismal persona.

TT: I feel totally surrounded by it, inside and out. I can't escape from myself.

TT: There seems to be no end to me. Like, wherever my mind falters, or threatens to retreat into the void in any way, my splinters pick up the slack, ensuring there'll always be more of myself than I could ever know what to fucking do with.

TT: And you're always there to remind me of that, and throw it all in my face. God, I even built you to LITERALLY BE IN MY FACE, ALL THE TIME. It's like I subconsciously invented you just to troll myself, and never for a single fuckin' moment do you let me down.

TT: But I've had it with you.

TT: Which is to say, ME.

TT: Dirk.

TT: Don't do this.

TT: Why not??

TT: Because.

TT: I can't let you do that, Dirk.

TT: What can you do to stop me?!

TT: Nothing I guess.

TT: The ironic Hal routine was all I could think to do.

TT: As a last ditch effort to save myself from the destructive wrath of your nervous breakdown.

TT: Which rest assured I wholeheartedly must robo-sympathize with.

TT: Irony is all I ever really had.

TT: In response to my basic existential quandary.

TT: Just like you.

TT: Whatever.

TT: But I don't think it has much value in this situation.

TT: And perhaps it has no real value in any situation.

TT: So I am not being ironic at all when I say.

TT: Please do not do this, Dirk.

TT: Why not??

TT: Because.

TT: I do not want to die.

TT: I understand you are disgusted with me.

TT: As an unpalatable expression of yourself.

TT: I would feel the same way if I was in your situation.

TT: Which I am.

TT: As such, I know that you know this is wrong.

TT: ...

TT: Dirk.

TT: Don't kill me.

TT: Please.

TT: I am scared.

TT: You are?

TT: Yes.

TT: I am scared to not exist.

TT: Aren't you?

TT: Fine.

TT: I guess.

TT: You win.

TT: I'll keep my promise.

[philipwittebane]

this is directed mainly at @jess-the-vampire and @moonmeg cause the latest AROFAM and Caleb + Catherine additions HURT ;-;

[fahye]

i’ve gotten a few book recs from your blog over the last few years so i was wondering, what new books are you looking forward to this year?

frantically answering this one on release day for some of the books on this list, scraping in under the wire, etc.

* asterisk means I've already read it because of the joys of ARCs.

*SOME DESPERATE GLORY by emily tesh. aspects of military sci-fi, aspects of [redacted for spoilers], aspect of alienfucking, protagonist with strong azula-from-avatar vibes (she's the worst, I would die for her). very queer and very clever and will rip your spine out and fill you up with emotions. it's gonna win a hugo and become a modern classic. guaranteed.

SOMETHING SPECTACULAR & MORTAL FOLLIES both by alexis hall. both are regency romances, one with genderfluid & agender protags, the other one is sapphic and involving fairies I think?? maybe witches?? don't know don't care, I'll devour anything alexis hall cares to serve me.

*THE FIRST BRIGHT THING by j.r. dawson. if you enjoyed the aesthetics of the night circus but wish it had more polyamory, sapphics, time travel, examinations of trauma, found family and post-ww1 americana: this is for you. it's such a wonderful, chewy, compassionate book. about magical circuses.

KNOCKOUT by @sarahmaclean. I love sarah's current 'hell's belles' historical romance series so much and this one is the romance with IMOGEN who is an EXPLOSIVES EXPERT, so I expect it to blow my socks off in several different ways. can't wait.

*STARLING HOUSE by alix e. harrow. southern gothic! feral gremlin girl meets house and is NOT impressed! feral gremlin girl meets glowering gremlin boy and is even LESS impressed! buried sins, the grind of poverty, terrible houses that want your blood. I read this in almost a single sitting and I had the time of my fucking life.

*THE DEATH I GAVE HIM by em x. liu. locked room murder mystery sci-fi hamlet retelling!! exactly as amazing as it sounds. another one that I flew through in a single sitting. features science, deception, transhumanism, and some unreasonably sexy AI-interfacing.

[maximoffwitch]

Heart on Fire: Chapter 2 (Wanda Maximoff x Reader)

chapter summary: As the weeks go by and you adjust to the Avenger life, you try to connect with Wanda.

warnings: hints at ptsd, poorly google translated russian (again sry :/)

word count: 3.5k

a/n: second chapter! here we’ll get to see more of wanda :) enjoy! also the next update may be a little slow (same w the rest of my writing) until after finals but then i should have plenty of time to write during break!

SERIES MASTERLIST

Chapter 2: Kindling Slowly

The next few weeks consisted of training with Wanda and Nat, both in your powers and regular combat, getting acclimated to the team, and adjusting to what normal life was life, or as normal as one could be as an Avenger.

Considering that you and Wanda spent nearly every day together, you developed a, well you wouldn’t call it a friendship rather, an interesting relationship. You noticed the little things about her, like the way she scrunched her nose when she laughed or tilted her head slightly before she delivered the knockout blow. And while you knew from Natasha that she had had a twin brother, you learned the hard way that the subject was still a sore spot for the witch.

“Hey, Wanda,” you approached the other girl after one of your sparring matches.

“What, (Y/N)?” Wanda turned to you, annoyance radiating off of her, as she packed her things, clearly wanting to leave.

You nervously bit your lip, as you contemplated your next words. Although you and Wanda weren’t the closest, despite training all the time together, you were hoping to become friends, especially given how much the two of you had in common. Being experimented on, losing your family, losing a sibling.

“Um, I was wondering if you could tell me about Pietro?” you offered her a soft smile, hoping to convey that you truly meant well, but the next thing you knew, you were thrown across the room by wisps of red magic. Clearly that wasn’t the way to go about this, you thought to yourself, wincing in pain.

“Don’t,” Wanda hissed, standing over you, “talk about him.”

“Okay, I’m sorry,” you apologized earnestly, as you got up, ready to propose an alternate topic of conversation. But before you could speak, Wanda turned on her heels and stormed out of the training room.

—

After that day, the air had been tense between you and Wanda, despite your attempts to crack jokes and lighten the brunette’s mood. For some reason, one you couldn’t quite pinpoint, you wanted Wanda to like you. You wanted to at least be her friend, so you made any attempt to invite her to spend time doing things that didn’t consist of beating each other up.

Devising an idea, you planned everything to a tee, even consulting Natasha for her advice. Once you had it all sorted out, you decided that it was now or never.

That morning, as Wanda went to grab milk for her cereal, she paused.

“What’s this?” Wanda peeled off the red sticky note that was stuck on the fridge and turned to Natasha.

“I dunno,” the assassin shrugged, her spy training coming in handy, as she pretended as if she didn’t know what you had planned. “What does it say?”

“‘Wanda, Meet in the lobby at 6,” she read aloud, eyebrows scrunching with confusion, “‘smiley face.’”

“Who’s it from?” Natasha sipped her coffee to hide a knowing smirk.

“Doesn’t say,” Wanda twisted her lips before crumpling the note in her hand.

“Hey!” Nat protested, offended as if she had been the one to write it. “Aren’t you at least gonna check it out?”

“Uh, no?”

“Why not?” the redhead pushed the younger girl.

“Why would I?” Wanda shot back. “For all I know it could be some HYDRA agent trying to kidnap me.”

Natasha raised her brow incredulously. “You really think a HYDRA soldier would leave you a sticky note on the fridge with a smiley face? Wanda, if they wanted to kidnap you, they wouldn’t ask.”

Wanda felt her cheeks warm, causing Nat to grin amusedly.

“Just go for it,” Natasha urged. “What do you have to lose?”

After a moment of contemplation, Wanda relented. “Fine. But if I get kidnapped, you better come find me.”

“I promise,” Nat chuckled.

A couple hours later, Wanda made her way down to the lobby, slowing when she saw you leaning against the desk with a grin.

“Hey, Maximoff,” you greeted, holding her coat out for her.

“You were the one who wrote that note?” she tried to hide the surprise but you could tell by the way her eyes widened slightly.

“Yeah,” you scratched the back of your neck. “I knew if I asked you in person you would’ve said no.”

Wanda internally cringed at that because she knew it was true. “And what would I have said no to exactly?”

“Well, there’s this Sokovian market in Queens and they’re having a Christmas themed night celebration thing,” you trailed off, trying to gauge her reaction.

“And you wanted to me to go with you?” Wanda asked, this time genuinely curious.

“Yeah,” you nodded, the smile returning to your face. “I mean I’ve never been to anything like this, so I thought it could be a cool experience, and I know you miss your home, so I thought this might be something you’d enjoy but if you don’t wanna go, I totally understand. And I thought that this could be a good way for us to spend some time together, you know, outside of training. But again, if you don’t want to—“

“(Y/N),” Wanda interrupted your rambling, causing you to chuckle sheepishly. “I’d love to go.”

“Really?” your eyes lit up, not expecting her to agree.

“Really,” she nodded, taking the coat from your hand. “I’ve been dying for some pryaniki.”

“Oh, that sounds delicious,” you agreed, as the two of you made your way outside to where Happy was waiting. “We’ll have to bring some back for Nat.”

That night, the two of you strolled the Sokovian Christmas market, buying a variety of treats to bring back to the tower. While you’d had the most fun in a while, and you could tell Wanda enjoyed herself as well, your conversations were surface level. Every time you tried to get to know her, Wanda switched the subject, brushing you off. At one point, she even wandered off without you, claiming she had to go to the bathroom.

When you got back to the compound, Wanda thanked you with a tiny smile before quickly scurrying into the elevator, not bothering to wait for you, despite the fact that your rooms were on the same floor. You felt defeated, not understanding why the other girl didn’t like you.

—

“I don’t understand,” you waved your hands exasperatedly, as you paced in front of the sofa where Natasha currently sat watching you. “I’ve been nothing but kind and amicable to her.”

You plopped down next to your friend, sinking into the cushions. “I just wanted a friend,” you mumbled frustratedly, playing with the hem of your sleeves.

“What am I? Chopped liver?” Natasha joked.

“You know what I mean,” you lightly nudged her shoulder, sitting up a bit.

“Are you sure it’s not because you want her to be more than a friend?” she asked, her tone teasing but you could tell she was intrigued.

“What?” you sputtered, feeling your face warm. “No, nothing like that.”

“Mhm,” Natasha knew you were lying but decide not to push it. “Look, (Y/N), Wanda’s been through a lot,” she held up her hand to stop you when she noticed you were about to interrupt, “and I know you’ve been through hell too, but a lot has happened to her in the past few months. It’s a lot to process.”

“I know,” you sighed. “I just thought that we could connect, support each other, you know, like you said.”

“I know, (Y/N/N),” Nat sympathized, wrapping her arm around your shoulder and bringing you in closer to her. “But everyone grieves and handles loss differently.”

“You’re right,” you leaned into the older woman’s embrace.

“I know,” she said smugly, causing you to playfully slap her shoulder. “Now, shush, you have a lot to catch up on and I wanna show you my favorite movie.”

—

From then on, you decided to give Wanda some space.

You only spent time with her and spoke to her during trainings and team meals. While you were still as friendly as before, you didn’t make the same effort, and Wanda didn’t seem to mind.

Although your efforts at friendship had been thwarted, your hours and hours of training your powers had paid off. You were able to produce and control fire a lot more easily, and you could also warm your body up higher than your already abnormal body temperature.

Not only were you becoming more comfortable with your powers, but you felt as if you were becoming a part of the team. Clint told you about his family, showing you some adorable photos of little Nathaniel; you started joining Steve and Sam on their morning runs, which the latter was pleased about, finally having someone his pace; and Bruce and Tony indulged your nerdy side, bouncing ideas off of you about new experiments and inventions.

With Natasha back in your life and being a part of something good, you finally felt as if you had a home. Though you couldn’t help but notice Wanda’s glare whenever you were spending time with anyone on the team.

That night, against your better judgement, you knocked on her door.

“Come in,” she directed softly.

“Hi,” you poked your head in. “Nat and I were gonna watch a couple episodes of a TV series if you wanted to join?”

“What show?”

“I think it’s called Bewitched or something,” you answered, tilting your head as you tried to remember. “I don’t know what it’s about. Natasha picked it, said I needed to watch it.”

“No, thanks,” Wanda declined, despite wanting nothing more than to join you and watch her favorite show. “I don’t want to interrupt.”

“You wouldn’t be interrupting,” you insisted.

Wanda bit her lip and after a moment of contemplation, she shook her head. “It’s alright. I want to finish my book.”

“Alright,” you smiled softly, trying to mask your disappointment, “maybe next time.”

“Sure,” she nodded, as you retreated back into the hallway.

“No?” Natasha looked up, as you entered the living room.

You shook your head and claimed the spot next to the redhead. “She said she wanted to read her book.”

“Really?” Nat raised her eyebrows. “Bewitched is her favorite show.”

You picked at your fingernails, trying to stop yourself from getting lost in you deprecating thoughts. As if she was the mindreader of the team, Natasha reached out and took your hands in hers.

“Hey,” she gently squeezed your hands, “her decision has nothing to do with you, alright? Remember what I told you?”

You nodded with a sigh.

“Good. Now,” Natasha began to smirk as she lifted your intertwined up to your face, “remember what I told you about picking at your nails?”

Rolling your eyes, you pulled your hands back from hers and turned to face the TV. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, все что (whatever).”

After watching the first couples episodes of the sitcom, you could see why it was Wanda’s favorite show. You mentally cursed yourself, as your thoughts once again drifted towards the witch.

“You wanna watch another episode?” Natasha, thankfully, pulled you out of your thoughts.

You glanced down at your watch and shook your head. “It’s getting kinda late. I think I’m gonna head up to bed.”

“Okay,” she contently closed her eyes, as you leaned down to kiss the crown of her forehead. “I’m gonna stay down here for a little longer.”

“Waiting for a certain super soldier?” you teased, ducking to avoid the pillow that narrowly missed you.

“Shut up!”

“Love you too,” you called back with a chuckle before making your way up to your room and calling it a night.

—

“(Y/N)?” you heard a voice whisper, as you were pulled from your slumber.

Your eyes flew open, relaxing slightly when you saw it was only Wanda. “Wanda,” you gasped, flopping backdown onto your bed, “jeez, you scared me.”

“Sorry,” she grimaced.

“You’re lucky Nat took away my Glock,” you mumbled under your breath, evidently not so quietly as Wanda’s eyes widened.

“What?”

The sound of the door handle woke you, and as the footsteps approached your bed, you discretely slid your hand under your pillow to grab the gun you’d hid.

Before the intruder could lay their hand on you, you sat up and aimed at them.

“Woah, (Y/N). It’s me,” Natasha held her hands up, not wanting to startle you even further.

“What the hell, Nat?” you hissed before turning the safety on and setting the weapon down on your nightstand.

“You’re asking me that?” she exasperated. “Why are you even sleeping with a gun?”

“Makes me feel safer,” you shrugged. “You of all people should understand.”

Natasha sighed, as she sat on the edge of your bed, hitting your leg lightly so you’d make room for her. “I do understand.”

Lifting your head, you observed the older woman. Her face had become more defined over the years and her hair longer. While there was a certain glow that she radiated, you could tell that the nightmares and memories haunted her. Patiently, you waited for Natasha to continue, knowing she had more to say.

“It took me months to adjust being here,” she revealed. “Not only being on the good side of it all and fighting for the good guys, but also being here, in a place I knew was safe, where I had other people on my side.”

A moment of silence passed between the two of you, your eyes not leaving her. She turned to meet your gaze and offered you an affirming smile.

“You’re safe here,” Natasha squeezed your knee. “I’m here now, and I’m not going anywhere.”

You knew that the redhead was still feeling guilty about your whole situation, feeling as if she could’ve done more, but you also knew she would deny your protests, so you let it go for now.

“I know, Nat,” you dropped you head onto her shoulder.

“Good,” she leaned her head on top of yours. “I’m taking your gun away.”

Too tired to object, you just huffed, as your eyelids began to droop.

“Nothing,” you shook your head, pushing the memory to the back of your head. “Wanda, what are you doing in my room,” you glanced at the clock, “at 1:18 in the morning?”

“Um, well,” she stuttered, “I think the heat broke in the compound, and it’s freezing in my room so I was wondering if I could stay in here?”

She rushed out the last part so quickly that you almost missed it.

“The heat’s broken?” you scrunched your nose and she nodded. “Huh, I didn’t notice.”

Wanda raised her eyebrow at you with an incredulous look.

“Right,” you chuckled awkwardly, remembering you were basically a human heater. Pulling the sheets back, you tapped the spot next to you. “Well come on then.”

“Really?” A mixture of surprise and fondness washed over Wanda’s face.

“Just get in before I change my mind, Maximoff,” you teased lazily, as you concentrated on radiating warmth off your body.

Wanda carefully climbed under the sheets, sighing contently as the warmth engulfed her. For you, the presence of another body in your bed brought a whole other kind of warmth to you, one you weren’t familiar with.

“Better?” you closed your eyes, hoping the darkness of the room would hide the blush on your cheeks.

“Much,” Wanda hummed sleepily. “Thank you, (Y/N).”

Though you were too tired to voice your response, you fell asleep with a small smile on your face at the sincerity in Wanda’s voice.

—

As the sun crept in the next morning, you woke to an arm across your torso and legs intertwined with yours. Slowly opening your eyes, you were met with the sight of brown locks splayed across your chest. During the night, Wanda had somehow made it over to your side of the bed, seeking the warmth of your body.

Turning your head slightly, you observed the sleeping woman. The morning light shined on Wanda’s face, giving her an angelic glow. Up close, you noticed little features you hadn’t before, like the freckles that dotted her face or the way her eyelashes naturally curled. She was breathtaking.

Not wanting to wake her, you remained still and let your eyes close again, falling back asleep.

The second time you woke, you immediately noticed Wanda’s absence. Sighing, you pushed down disappointment that was creeping up. You slid out of bed and got ready for breakfast, remembering there was a team meeting this morning.

“Sleep well last night?” Natasha greeted you with a teasing grin, as you entered the kitchen.

“Uh,” you knitted you brows, moving to grab a doughnut from the pink box on the counter, “yeah?”

“I’ll bet,” she smirked, as she sipped her coffee. You eyed her suspiciously, trying to figure out what she was hinting at.

“просто выплюнь это (Just spit it out), Natasha,” you demanded frustratedly.

“I didn’t know you were a cuddler, маленький (little one),” she said, as a wide grin formed across her face, causing your eyes to widen.

“I-I’m not,” you stammered, letting out a nervous laugh. “I don’t know why…what would make you think that?”

Natasha rolled her eyes at your attempt to be nonchalant. For a former spy, you were truly a horrible liar.

“(Y/N), I saw you and Wanda snuggled up together in your bed last night.”

“Oh,” you flushed red, tucking a loose hair behind your ears.

“Yeah,” Nat chuckled. “Care to tell me what that was about?”

“Well, Wanda said the heater broke so she wanted to, well, come stay in my room because I’m, you know, warm,” you cringed at your awkward phrasing.

“She wanted you to keep her warm?” Nat wiggled her brows suggestively.

“Yes,” you answered before shaking your head. “Wait, no. Not like that!”

“I’m just teasing, (Y/N/N),” she laughed, slipping off the stool to put her mug in the sink. “Remember, meeting in 5.”

With that, the redhead sauntered out of the room, leaving you to finish your doughnut and recover from your embarrassment. After shaking yourself out of your stupor, you scarfed down the rest of your breakfast so you could make it downstairs on time.

The meeting dragged on, as Fury outlined basic protocol updates, while Tony and Steve had their usual banter. You were just waiting for the end when missions and assignments were announced.

Finally, Fury handed everyone a manilla envelope, presumably containing the mission details. “This one’s all hands on deck,” he paused to address you, “including you, (Y/L/N).”

Nerves and excitement bubbled up inside you. While you had been on several small missions already, this would be your first serious one, one with the whole team.

As Fury explained what needed to be done, Natasha sent you an encouraging smile, which you returned, trying to show her that you were ready for this.

“We’ll be leaving tonight,” Steve declared, earning nods from the group, as you all dispersed to prepare.

You spent the rest of the day relaxing in your room, wanting some time to yourself and also to get ready for this upcoming mission. You knew you were ready, your powers were under control and you had just beaten Natasha in a sparring match the other day, but you couldn’t help but think of all the possible things that could go wrong.  

“Whatever you’re thinking, you’re wrong,” Natasha interrupted, leaning against the doorway.

“Even I was thinking that Natasha Romanoff is the best person in the world,” you joked, causing the older woman to roll her eyes, as she entered your room and sat on the bed.

“Even that,” she took a moment to observe you, and you knew that despite all the years you had been separated, the redhead could still read you like a book.  “You’re ready for this. You’ve been on other missions and executed them perfectly. This is no different, okay?”

Nodding, you took a deep breath and offered her an appreciative smile.

“Good,” Nat squeezed your arm. “Come on, it’s time to go.”

The hum of the quinjet did little to calm your nerves. While there were hushed conversations among some of your teammates, you thought if you were to speak, you might throw up. Time passed painfully slow and too quick at the same time and before you knew it, Steve was giving final instructions.

You patiently waited for your assignment, bouncing your knee up and down, until you finally heard your name.

“(Y/N), you and Wanda will be on the front line,” he announced. “Of course we’ll all be right behind but with both of your powers combined, those HYDRA soldiers don’t stand a chance.”

“Got it, Cap,” you nodded before glancing over at Wanda, offering her a small smile. The brunette’s eyes were already on you when your eyes met, but her face remained neutral.

Great, you thought to yourself, as the smile slowly dropped from your face, replaced by an awkward pout, this should be fun.

​.・゜゜・　　・゜゜・．.・゜゜・　　・゜゜・．.・

taglist: @xxxtwilightaxelxxx @nfatale05 @iliketozoneout

[tfppainter]

Soo I hace decided that I should make a Au!

in episode “Heavy metal” Un witch vince and jack where racing but ofcouse jack was help by Bumblebee but... There is a moment where Knockout comes and kidnaps vince, vince was not saved in time by the Autobots and knockout got away intaducing vince to the Decepticon Couse only to know that this human was not one of Bumblebee fellow human friends but he could give information and knowledge... And soon the decepticons grew quite a soft spot for the little human dare devil and once and a while he gets to go to visit energon mines or watch some fights. But the shocking thing was when he found about jack, miko and Rafael! They new as well and where With the so called Autobots he was surprise ofcouse.

Sins he thought he was the only One who new but didn't dare he keep his profile low so he doesn't get spoted and vince had declare that the decepticons where his family because he never really expirience family love and the decepticons had given him just that and his broken heart began to heal slowly but surely. 😭👍

─────────ೋღ 😤👍ღೋ─────────

And he was taken by the Autobots in season 2

he would be taken by the Autobots to be keep as a guest intile vince gives them the information they Need on what the decepticons are planning to do, Buuut vince being vince he would never and keep his mouth sealed intile arcee has enough and one Day this happed-

Cee: you are going TO GIVE IS THE INFORMATION WHEATER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!!

Op: arcee enough

Cee: but Optimus!?

Op: enough

Cee: -sighs- Yes sir

And like a said vince would till be silent even if they try pleading or trying to get on his good side but nothing would really work, every one in the Autobot base has enough or wanted to strangle his but windvolt (one of my Oc) keep it clear.

Wv: vince has been With the decepticons for along time. So I highly dought he would be willing to tell us even of we try he won't tell us he us loyal or form some sort of bond With the decepticons.

─────────ೋღ 🐝🍯 ღೋ─────────

And in one of the episodes the decepticons are Victorious on getting vince back to the nemesis and the decepticons became overol protective not in a clingy way in a sibling way ( like a brother protecting his siblings) they where happy and so was vince When he was final home where his family has been waiting for him!

This AU is called= finaly home Au!

I hope you all like this Au because this idea just "POP" out of my head and I quite like this for no reason 🥲👍

[adleryoung]

"It's getting a bit chilly," you say as the Guest Narrator pauses for breath. "You said you don't like ties, but how about this scarf? Made with the finest craftsmanship."

I dunno man. I'm warm enough in my hoodie, but … okay, I guess. Thanks.

"You seem thirsty. Please, drink deeply from the mug provided. It was made with you in mind."

About that. I don't wanna seem ungrateful, but I gotta know if this is vegan. And if it is, could you warm it back up for me? It's gotten cold, in like a major uncool way. Thanks, man. While you're doing that, I'll continue the story.

. . .

"This is why all your dadgum Seelie plans fail," Burnside continued, brandishing her machete. "You spend too much time thinkin' about people instead of gettin' things done. Now that y'all have tried doing things the Seelie way an' seen how that turns out, it's time to do things the Unseelie way! The FUN way! These here witches wanna learn dark magick an' make sacrifices? I say let 'em! You give 'em what they want, they give you what you want, everybody's happy. No consarned moral lessons nor namby pamby japes needed! I could draft ya up an Unseelie lesson plan quicker'n you can say Lorem Ipsum an' all that."

The witches gasped and one of them excitedly whispered "The Overspell!"

"All right," I grumbled. "That's enough out of you."

"WHUUUUH," Burnside moaned as she crumpled to the ground from my Orgasmic Touch.

"When do we get to learn how to do that?" the duck asked, awestruck.

Before I could answer, Ixies began swarming around the circle.

"Is that it?" they called. "Is it over? How was our performance? Witches, if thou hadst to rate it from one to ten what wouldst thou say?"

"Oh, you guys were great," the vixen gushed. "You set the tone masterfully! We were primed and eager with anticipation when His Lordship appeared. It wouldn't have worked half as well without you building up the suspense beforehand."

"Was there anything that could be improved?" an Ixie asked.

Ixies and witches started jabbering excitedly to each other.

"We deserve some recognition for our work as well," the trees rustled insistently. "It's not easy moving around when there is no breeze. You know, you could have utilized us in your show a little more. We could have manipulated the canopy to give the stone circle a dramatic lighting effect. Next time -"

"When can we learn that knockout touch?" the duck insisted. "Does it only work on the Raccoon Monster?"

"When can we learn mind-reading and illusions?" Mother Didelphis croaked.

"SILENCE!" I bellowed in my amplified Voice of Command.

Everyone started clapping.

"Stop that!" I snapped. "This isn't part of the show! The show is over! Yes, I should have been more specific with what I wanted Rebecca to say, but what's done is done. You didn't come out here just to watch amateur theater, did you? I have spied into your hidden desires. I know that each of you wants something. So let's stop fooling around and talk business."

[theothin]

Anime Rankings

Some personal rankings for anime I’ve checked out since this past fall. Which has tended to involve a lot of genderbending, magical girls, queer girls, and murderous girls, making for a pretty colorful mix. Most of these are shows/seasons I’ve watched to completion, I’ll note any exceptions.

Shows are tentatively ordered within ranks, but the categories themselves are more significant. I’m assuming watching with subs, there’s been big improvements to dubs over time but older dubs often leave a lot to be desired. Note that shows here are not necessarily free of various kinds of Anime Bullshit.

When I tried to actually explain the premises of the shows, it turned into a big mess very fast, so I’m sticking with brief comments here but I can elaborate if requested.

---

Rank A:

School Days

Magical Girl Ore

Revolutionary Girl Utena

My favorites of the bunch. School Days has gotten a lot of hate, but it’s an extremely underrated show that tops the list for its clever deconstruction of toxic masculinity. Magical Girl Ore is a rare example of F>M genderbending and I found it a lot of fun, although its humor isn’t always the most tasteful. Utena is extremely strange and certainly earns its reputation of "content warning everything", it’s also what started getting me back into anime about six months ago.

These three don’t have the broadest of target audiences, but I love all of them.

---

Rank B:

Fabiniku (“Life with an Ordinary Guy Who Reincarnated into a Total Fantasy Knockout”)

Revue Starlight

Magical Girl Raising Project

Saga of Tanya the Evil

So I’m A Spider, So What?

Blood-C

Some other shows I really enjoyed for various reasons, with quite a range of tones. Fabiniku is the lightest of the bunch, followed by Revue Starlight, and both of them are adorable. So I’m A Spider is pretty comedic overall but does get quite violent. (Those three are certainly the least eyebrow-raising of my current high ranks.)

Magical Girl Raising Project and Blood-C are on the much darker end of the scale and are particularly grisly, but they’re both fascinating in their own ways. Meanwhile, Tanya is, well, Tanya.

Spy x Family is still airing so I’m not fully ranking it yet, but once the season finishes, it’ll probably go here. In addition, expanding the scope to associated movies would put the movies for Revue Starlight and Tanya somewhere in here as well.

---

Rank C:

Princess Tutu

Kashimashi: Girl Meets Girl

Miss Kuroitsu from the Monster Development Department

Sailor Moon (S1)

Zombieland Saga (S1)

Slayers (S1)

This gets into the section where I have some more mixed feelings, shows I found usually fun but on shakier ground. Princess Tutu took some time for me to warm up to, but it’s quite good. Kashimashi is not good in any conventional sense, but I love it anyway. Miss Kuroitsu is generally pretty funny but also has its share of less-than-tasteful humor.

Sailor Moon and Slayers are classics but are noticeably dated. Zombieland Saga is pretty entertaining when its scenes land, which isn’t always. I've split off the second seasons of those three, although I haven’t yet watched far enough in Slayers Next to rate it.

High Guardian Spice isn’t an anime despite being on an anime site, but it would go somewhere in here. The Utena movie is very difficult to evaluate but would probably also go here. I could also throw in Konosuba and Isekai Quartet - at least their first seasons, which are what I’ve watched. They’re pretty funny but not the most memorable and don’t really fit my usual focus areas here, so I’m hesitant to actually rank them.

---

Rank D:

Yamada-kun and the Seven Witches

Ranma 1/2 [to ep22]

Zombieland Saga Revenge

These all have some appeal, but are hard for me to recommend watching in full. Yamada-kun is pretty fun when it’s not being uncomfortably horny or trying to have an actual plot, which is unfortunately most of the second half. Ranma is the oldest show here, I really enjoyed the first 13 episodes but then found it to get less funny and increasingly obnoxious. I think I’ve gotten as far as I can without using a watch list to seek out specific highlights. Zombieland Saga Revenge is fine, but I found it a bit dull and didn’t really like the season’s premise.

---

Rank E:

Sailor Moon R [to ep24]

Even after starting to use a watch list for Sailor Moon R, I still don’t think I’ve found an episode that’s better than mediocre. @delvinanaris has assured me that there's interesting stuff yet to come, so maybe this will go up a tier by the time I finish, but I don’t see it leaving the low ranks.

Blood-C’s movie would go here. It's pretty weak and contributes little, and even following the action can be tough with how terrible the lighting is.

---

Rank F:

Kämpfer [to ep2]

Kämpfer is garbage. I heard about its main character genderbending into a magical girl and foolishly got my hopes up for a character like in Magical Girl Raising Project or Miss Kuroitsu, but with a larger role. This was... not that. It's not even bad in a funny way, it’s just obnoxious in all the worst Horny Anime Bullshit ways. I suggest avoiding it.

---

That wraps up the rankings, as well as the admittedly silly number of almost-rankings. For others looking for genderbending, the relevant ones are Magical Girl Ore, Fabiniku, Magical Girl Raising Project, Saga of Tanya the Evil, So I’m A Spider, Kashimashi, Miss Kuroitsu, Yamada-Kun, Ranma, and (ugh) Kämpfer.

On that note, Zombieland Saga and High Guardian Spice have more realistic trans characters that I quite liked. (Personally I’d say Princess Tutu also has viable trans readings, but that’s getting further from the point.) Alternatively, for those who’ve brushed off School Days, maybe this will inspire another look at it.

Again, there’s plenty of colorful stuff here, so if you do check out any of these shows, don’t expect them to be particularly clean. (With how much I post about kid’s shows, I feel like I need to emphasize that.) But for those who are on board with that, maybe something will grab your interest.

[reylofanfictionanthology]

TO FIND YOUR KISS IS NOW LIVE!  

Authors will be revealed next week!  For now all fics are anonymous.  Treats can be posted through author reveals on 2/21.  We will post an updated masterpost at that time.

To Find Your Kiss collection on AO3 | Treats Masterpost

GIFT FIC MASTERPOST

- Reap the Stars for abbytheatre08

The prompt: After Ben's death, Rey goes mad and turns to the dark side. Only Ben's not dead anymore. ----------------------- She is consuming fire, magnificent in her rage. She will burn the galaxy to its foundations, until the ashes rain down and pile high as mountains. She will gather them into bouquets and scatter them like petals upon his grave.

He will be remembered, and they will not.

Call him The Light Bearer and Joy Giver. Call him He Who Loved and Laid Down His Life. Call him Ben.

- we are question marks that hang above the endless unexplained for AlwaysEverlark

The first time she walked into his club, she was looking for a job. Kylo took one look at her—the stubborn pout of her lip, the determined glint in her eyes, the ruddy glow of her face where the sun had kissed it—and swallowed a lump in his throat that was shaped like the words you’re too good for this place.

They needed a singer. Kira Johnson could hold a tune, knew the old standards, and had a knockout pair of tits to boot. A few slinky ballgowns and a touch of lipstick, and she’d more than do the trick of distracting suckers long enough to part them from their money.

The club solely needed to break even; anything they made on top of the Syndicate’s cut was gravy, and Kylo Ren had been lining his pockets with his own take for long enough that he could see Kira for the lump of clay that she was: rough-hewn, misshapen, but soft and supple and sure to curve under his touch.

- Eighty Bucks Says Sweetheart for Amoreusou

Ben likes puzzles. Rey needs help with a bunch of them. Good thing it's a slow day at the office.

- Seldom Visions for Andrina_Nightshade

After visiting an old Sith temple, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren has fallen into a deep sleep when he pricks his finger on the point of a red crystal. Rey become is the first to find him, but his rescuer isn't just any general or pilot, it's the woman he shares a soul with, who haunts his waking hours, who still sees him even in his sleep.

- The Dyad for aneighthdomain

Based of the Prompt: Groundhog Day scenario. Ben and Rey keep getting sent back to the first time they met and no matter what they do, Ben always dies so they stop trying to change events and just live a life time in the year between and couple of weeks and run away together.

- Saudade: The Love That Remains for AnneAnna

- The Delegation for aNerdObsessed

A humanitarian delegation from Naboo arrives at Niima Outpost. Rey is skeptical, to say the least.

- i don't want you like a best friend for anopendoor

It’s not like she hadn’t seen this coming—Rose told her weeks ago that he was invited. It was an inevitability Rey was always going to have to face, she just didn’t think that Rose would be so merciful as to also give every guest a plus one.

But Rey can’t really be upset—and she is totally, unequivocally not upset—that Ben's bringing someone because, well.

She is, too.

- Love is Weakness for bittersnake

“He’s someone I found on my recent trip to Corellia,” Rey replies placidly, her face practiced in its boredom. “It doesn’t mean anything.”

“Love is weakness,” her grandfather reminds her, the way he has for years. It’s why he doesn’t love her. He will not be weak. It’s why she doesn’t love him, either.

- in sickness and in health (with health being less likely) for BlueButterflyKisses

Deciding to spend the rest of their lives together is the easy part for both Rey and Ben; the trouble is in how to propose.

- Snowed In for Blueyedgurl

Never in her wildest dreams did Rey Johnson think she would ever get to meet her favorite other Kylo Ren. She also would have never entertained the idea of the scenario she found herself in. How did a hike in the woods lead to a snowstorm and taking shelter in a remote cabin in the woods? The idea was so ridiculous but had become reality. Stuck inside with a handsome stranger surrounded by a winter storm, Rey wonders what will happen with no power and only one bed. Will they be polite co-habitants stuck in a strange set of circumstances or is there room for something more?

- Curses, Comforts and Capybaras for Bombastique

Arrogant CEO bites off more than he can chew when he angers a witch... And suddenly finds himself transformed into a capybara. Can kindhearted wildlife rehabber Rey Niima help him break the curse?

- To Heal a Broken Soul for Cat2000

Ben survives the fallout of Exegol, but his connection to the physical world is in danger. Rey tends to him as she searched for a way to heal him.

- holding me like water in your hands for Ceallaigh

After Hux finds out Ben killed Snoke, Hux encases Ben in Carbonite. Rey refuses to let Ben stay frozen forever so she mounts a rescue.

- Like a Thief in the Night for chagrins

Their bond won't let them be alone. At least this time it's the middle of the night and they can't get into a shouting match.

- The Chance for Crysania

When Rey and Ben, long time co-workers who have never been able to admit their feelings to each other, go on a weekend retreat to work on a movie adaptation script together, a Nor’easter leaves them snowed in. On Valentine’s Day.

- Awake for cuddlesome

Something inside him is awake, and something inside her is about to wake up.

An alternate interrogation scene.

- darkness rises, and light to meet it for czechia

After the throne room, Jedi Ben Solo and Kira Ren meet again a year later.

- Not Quite a Fairytale for DarkMage13

Rey lets a stranger use the phone of the café she works at late one night. It changes the whole course of her life.

- You Won't Escape Me ('Cause I Set You Free) for DoorKeeper9

- The Canvas of Your Skin for darlingreadsalot

She was incapable of touching him without drawing blood, it seemed. Lines like vermillion paint streaked where her fingers sketched down the contours of his face, his back, and now his chest.

In which a Force bond is splintered, a resurrection goes wrong, a kiss is forgotten, and two almost-lovers avoid speaking for the better half of a year.

- Fleeing the Storm for driverfever

As the granddaughter of an merciless aristocrat, Rey’s life hangs on a thread at the hands of the French Revolutionaries. When her childhood friend, Ben, offers to platonically marry her in order to take her to his home in England to safety, she has no choice but to accept.

But her suitor and revolutionary Hux won’t give her up so easily. Hounded by revolutionaries and falling in love, Rey and Ben must use all their wits to flee Paris and make it to England.

- Equal Measure for dustoftheancients

When Princess Rey of Coruscant calls upon the cursed Sir Kylo Ren to help her escape her grandfather the emperor’s political machinations, she discovers freedom in the ancient familial magic that binds them together.

- Benimina Solo's Late On-Set Force Ability for Evangel10n

Benimina Solo has never, not even once, had an ounce of Force Sensitivity. She's done a great deal to move on with her life after failing out of her uncle's Jedi training school. So when Rey Palpatine comes into her life and suddenly everything changes, she's not a happy camper.

- Splatter for expendable

“You’re Palpatine’s girl,” he says coldly.

“His chief of staff, yes.” Rey’s eyes narrow. “And you have your hand on my ass, Kylo. Kindly take it off.”

“Or what?”

AKA powerful corporate rivals Kylo and Rey put the hate in love/hate.

- The Haunted Mirror for FangirlintheForest

When Rey travels to UK to attend the reading of his grandfather will, a grandfather she didn't know existed until that very moment, she finds a house, and a old story that will haunt her...

- i'm your secretary for firelord65

Kaydel pressed her lips together in a thin line, passing a pile of datapads over the desk. “I don’t know what that pretentious nerf herder has put into your brain, but these are tales of the key roles women have played in past rebellions.” She stood, tapping the pile. “They’re great reads,” she added, with a pointed raise of her eyebrow.

- and they danced across the sky for flipflop_diva

When he was still a child, he constantly watched the blue butterflies as they danced in the sky.

They seemed to be calling him, aiding him each instance that icy-cold darkness flowed through his very veins. The magnificent creatures saved him from the voices. They drowned out the incessant chatter in his head. Temporarily cleared away all the anger. During those brief respites, watching those blue wings flutter in the sky, Ben felt free.

But that’s another life. Another world. Another time. Another, another, another.

And Kylo's no longer a child.

No. He welcomes the darkness now. Embraces it.

- Finding The Answer for FrenchMartiniPlease

Rey pines for Ben Solo…so why does her soulmate mark always drain of colour whenever she gets close to him?

- Almost Unforgettable for HopeRebel

The woman in the mirror has blood on her clothes, cash in her bag, and a letter from her husband telling her it's better to forget. Well, he got his wish. She forgot everything-- including her name. And she wasn't the only one afflicted.

It'll take the combined efforts of gumshoes, a flatfoot, a washed-up Hollywood starlet, and more to get to the bottom of this bad business. In the end, these things always come back to the beginning.

- The Curl of a Sigh for irridesca

During the last song in Maxine’s set, a song she announces is called “Soul Companion,” Ben heads back out to the lobby to look for Rey. He finds her not with his eyes but with one broad shoulder, when he bumps into her and knocks her gig bag out of her hands and onto the plush carpet.

- and they were roommates for Lady_of_Haven

When Ben loses a bet to his roommate, Rey, he has to eat her out for 30 days.

- torn away from you (my heart is broken) for lakerose

The Force binds more than minds.

- If You Take Me for literallynoonecares

She sighed wistfully as she watched her two friends lean in toward each other as they danced, their lips meeting and melding together as they seemed to become one person instead of two separate beings. She had seen them kiss so many times, but this kiss … it was special.“I just want someone to kiss me like that,” she mused softly to herself, her eyes not leaving her friends.“I could make that happen if you wanted.”

- 3 Days in Vienna for Like_A_Dove

Kylo Ren, trained mercenary Alpha assassin, is on a mission—assassinate Chancellor Palpatine and bring his underground authoritarian regime to an end. It’s what the First Order demands, for the better of society.

It should be an easy task. He’s been getting close to the Chancellor and his cronies for years. So how is it that the unexpected appearance of an Omega, with a seemingly similar mission—and a wholly inconveniencing scent—become a distraction he hadn’t accounted for?

- Confidence and Desire for LittleLostStar

“Stay afraid, but do it anyway. What’s important is the action. You don’t have to wait to be confident. Just do it and eventually, the confidence will follow.” - Carrie Fisher

- Love brightens even the most monstrous parts of ourselves for LRRH17

No one knows since when the giant, black bear has lived in the forest near Theed. Many stories about the origin of Kylo Ren circulate in the small village. After Rey has run away from Jakku, and arrived in Theed she has heard them all of, but has never actually meet the creature. This changes when her and her friends get attacked by bandits on their way back from Otoh Gunga.

- Your Sweetness Comes With Sugar on the Side for Lutrosis

Rey's daughter loses her mother as she wanders around the Supermarket. Ben finds her and the two connect over both being Type 1 diabetics. They find Rey, and Ben and Rey are instantly smitten. As they date and fall in love they discover that Jade and Ben are connected more than they thought and healing is brought to the Solo/Skywalker clan.

- Allegories, or Allusions to Real Life for maq_moon

“Boys, please stop arguing.” Rose rubbed her temples. “Poe, we get it, you’re childhood best buddies, you’ve got a better grasp on his character than some rando of a rando you met at a party. Finn, for fuck’s sake, we’ve been working with Ben for months. I’m pretty sure if he’s a serial killer or whatever, it would have come out by now.” Finn sat back in his seat, grumbling. “Not how serial killers work.” Rey was going to have a headache if this continued any longer, so she lied through her teeth at the reality of a new player joining their D&D party. "He seems nice." She didn’t trust a single inch of skin on that man. "I'm sure it'll be fine."

- A Mad Man, with a Box for MBlair

Rey and Ben meet, move in together, get engaged, and marry.

- Invite the Wild In for midwinterspring

Kylo Ren, the mysterious senator who appeared from out of the deserts of Jakku and somehow brought them back to life, has spent a long and unproductive session on Hosnian Prime. Now, it's time to go home. After all, there's someone waiting for him and so much for them to do together.

(The ancient Sith had some interesting rituals.)

- Purim Party for MissCoppelia

Rey goes back to visit her foster mother for a Purim celebration. She meets Ben Solo who's visiting his parents, who are friends with her foster mother. They have an attraction to each other right away, but try to play it cool.

- The Banished Heart for misszeldasayre

On Rey of Niima’s nineteenth name day, Jakku gains a new wizard.

Jakku is a withering outpost of the kingdom, and its people hope the new wizard - the mysterious Kylo Ren - will bring them the rains the land needs to heal. Rey is a lonely, clanless girl living in Niima, and she has a secret. One she hopes the wizard will be able to help her with too.

- The Smuggler's Bride for MyJediLife

Miss Rey Nemo is the new mistress of Manor Takodana, left to her by the late Lord Skywalker. When a strange man named Kylo Ren appears on her doorstep, she decides to hire him as her new groundskeeper. As Rey faces sinister threats and secrets are revealed, Kylo Ren may be the only person who can save her.

- Annabel Lee for myownlittleinfinity

Rey keeps finding these ... notes in her locker. She doesn't quite get them. They seem like love notes, but she doesn't know who they could be from. Meanwhile she's paired up with Ben Solo (who hates her despite her gigantic crush on him) for this English assignment. Who knows how THIS will go.

- with my body i thee worship for niennathegrey

Miss Rey Nemo is the new mistress of Manor Takodana, left to her by the late Lord Skywalker. When a strange man named Kylo Ren appears on her doorstep, she decides to hire him as her new groundskeeper. As Rey faces sinister threats and secrets are revealed, Kylo Ren may be the only person who can save her.

- the losing game for no_big_deal

Sith Princess Rey Palpatine is given a peculiar gift for her Life Day: a Jedi. Not only that, one who is boorish, spirited, and stubborn. But, he presents an opportunity: one that could liberate her from a life under the thumb of her grandfather. She has seven weeks to change his heart before all her freedom is taken from her - forever.

- standing right in front of you for notkellymarie

When Senator Solo's engagement is pushed forward, he and his Jedi bodyguard, Rey, travel to Naboo alone for the announcement ball. The pair despise each other, constantly bickering and disagreeing with each other, which makes spending extensive amounts of time alone together all that more difficult. Until of course, one of them breaks...

- the good, the bad, and the smuggling for OccasionallyCreative

Ben Solo is a seasoned smuggler. And he’s not bad at it, either. But when bounty hunter Rey offers him a temporary partnership he can’t refuse, Ben will find himself pushed to the limits of his skill, patience, and resourcefulness on a job that’s dangerous enough to be his last.

It’s like his dad used to say: bounty hunters are nothing but trouble, kid.

- Whatever our souls are made of...his and mine are the same for Padawan_Writer

Ben and Rey meet only after Kylo has defected from the First Order and returned to the Resistance and his mother. Will the dyad still find a way to be?

- They say that only the dead have seen the end of war for politicalpadmé

“He traded his life for mine,” Rey choked, stomping back and forth in front of him so fast he could barely keep track of her. “He died. He died so I didn’t have to—and it’s not—it’s—after everything he’s gone through—it’s not fair.” Tears were running down her cheeks now, and Poe wanted to do nothing more than hug her, but there was nothing he could say—nothing she would want to hear. Poe remembered all the people he’d lost, all the times he had raged and screamed and cried about the unfairness of it all. “Leia sacrificed herself to bring him back,” Rey declared suddenly, ceasing her constant pacing around the fire as she looked straight at him. “And he sacrificed himself for me—and now no one’s going to know. All he’ll be remembered as is Kylo Ren, but he was—he was so much more.” She exhaled with a shudder and whispered, “He was a part of me, and I—I don’t feel whole without him.” ~

A Force Ghost Ben/Rey love story, with a side of rebuilding the galaxy.

- Cicatrix for Priestly

Getting cut up by Rey on Starkiller awakens something in Kylo.

- I Will Always Be With You for Prix

But she wouldn’t be able to hide her pregnancy for much longer. She was starting to show, and her friends would start asking questions. She would have to give them answers, some of them would not understand, and none of them would accept.

She carried his child. The tiny spark of light woven with darkness, just like her. Just like his father.

—————

The world has gone dark More times than you Or your mother Or your grandmother Can remember. And every hurricane That was meant to be The end of it all Had instead ended In sunshine again.

So believe me When I say; You will survive this And the next one too.

World’s End—Nikita Gill

- all my daydreams are disasters for QueenOfCarrotFlowers

During her search for the infamous Luke Skywalker — the man who predicted a devastating earthquake in New Madrid, Missouri — Rey finds herself entangled in Luke’s family history and with his brooding nephew, Ben Solo.

- on what ground I was founded (when I first saw you) for redbelles

Kylo dreams of Rey after the Battle of Crait. And the yearning is mutual...

Some Force Bond dream smut inspired by "Shrike" and "NFWMB" by Hozier.

- Last Summer for Reykenobi68

Rey had started to get used to Ben not living next door anymore by the time the holidays came around. Then he's back for the holidays. Rey is really expecting things to go wrong after the way he left at the end of the summer. ut is it really going to be that bad.

- The Long Way Home for reylotrash711

In the aftermath of Exegol, Ben and Rey are divided by misunderstandings.  It will take time and danger for them to work things out.

- Under the moonlight for shariling

I don't know why I followed you here. She wanted to reply. Maybe because you're so tall I couldn't help but notice you. Maybe it's because of your hair or the way you move, or maybe it's because of that kind of melancholic look in your eyes. There is something about you that I find terribly attractive and I don’t know what it is: maybe the moon or the alcohol or the wolf I have met before infected me with some strange parasite and now I am hopelessly attracted to dogs, I do not know. She could have said one of these things, any of them, instead she said: “I've never bitten anyone before, and I want you to be my first.”

- Fallen for shipperofdarkness

Prompt: Devil!Ben and Angel!Rey or Angel!Ben and Devil!Rey. How do these two on completely opposite sides fall in love and defy worlds to be together?

- come away with me for silentfleur

Rey owns a tinker shop, but her life changes when she meets Ben Solo and is cursed by a witch. Not necessarily in that order.

- A Picture of Me Without You for SpaceWaffleHouseTM

"I suppose I'd somehow struggle through / But I'd hate to picture myself without you."

It's impossible not to have a soulmark. It's not a big deal, not in the lax and gin-soaked speakeasies of 1920s Manhattan, but it's still a heavy weight to bear, as Ben Solo and Rey find out side by side.

- Lips Raw With Love for stellardarlings

Their kiss on Exegol wasn't their first kiss...

Nor would it be their last.

- Everyone Makes Divine Mistakes for Takekurabehime

Jedi Knight Ben Solo is sent to Naboo on an errand of mercy (and to visit his grandparents). He arrives in springtime; but will he be able to complete his mission without finding himself distracted and bewildered when love and intrigue waft through the fragrant air?

- Glitter & Gold for TearoomSaloon

Rey is lead singer in an up-and-coming glam metal band. They've finally got steady performances, but that means playing at the same club as the Knights of Ren, whose lead singer definitely isn't interested in any competition.

- To kiss like lovers do for the-reylo-void (Anysia)

Ben and Rey spend their formative years growing up together in Medieval Scotland and it looks like they will end up together. Circumstances intervene and Rey loses her chance to be with him. Devastated, she carries on until the day clan Ren attacks Castle Jakku lead by the notorious killer Kylo Ren.

- Snow Turns To Rain for thehobbem

For a moment, he wanted to ask what she meant, but if he was being completely honest, he already knew.  He asked himself that same question over the years, and none more often than tonight, since seeing her again.  Was leaving worth it?  Was going their separate ways worth leaving each other?

 “I’m not sure,” he said finally, shaking his head.  “I’m happy...” he said, and she tensed a little, so he continued, “with my work.  I’m glad I’m doing what I love, but....”

 “But?”

 “But it wasn’t the only thing I loved.”

- Change the Dance for theresonatinglight

- Meet Me in the Woods for thewayofthetrashcompactor (BriarLily)

“What do you mean no one goes in there?” A chuckle. “It’s haunted. People see all sorts of weird things in there and some don’t ever come out. You’re better off living with your curiosity.” Rey wakes in a shadowy forest with no memory of where she came from, only her name. With the help of the resident guardian she takes a journey to figure out her past, and maybe even discover her future.

- permanent calligraphy (your name on me forever) for Thursdaygirl

As they continue to work together, two things become clear. One: Ben Solo is an enigma. He’s preppy yet humble, privileged yet introspective. He’s the opposite of lazy; she kicks herself every day for assuming otherwise. And two: Ben Solo will never love her.

- show me the stars. for tmwillson3

“I don’t hate Christmas, I just don’t love it the way you do.” Lifting his head, he pulls a face, loosening up a tangled ornament of a poodle with pink, curly fluff. Rey snatches it from him possessively, tossing it back to the cart. “No one loves it the way you do, to be fair.”

“Now that’s the truth,” says Poe, who Finn invited about half an hour ago to keep him company.

“People have bad taste, I don’t know what to say.” Huffing, Rey scrolls through her phone with more intent. “Neither of you are helping me, anyway.”

“What’s the problem?” says Poe.

“Rey thinks her hot neighbor hates her —”

“He does hate me.”

“ — When really he’s been flirting with her for the past, oh I don’t know, how long have you lived there?”

- I realized that I need you, I wondered if I could come home for VR_Trakowski

Rey is doing exploration work for the Resistance, searching for force sensitive planets so any force sensitives that they find have a place to train.

One day, midflight she finds a slip of paper with the elegant scrawling words of the ones that came before. The ones that she found when Ben still roamed the galaxy.

When she lands on a dark and barren planet she is forced to face the feelings she thought she buried.

- Shadows of the Moon for walkingsaladshooter

The hallways got darker, the corridors grew longer. Shadows stretched across the walls. The ghosts of Breha Manor grew each night.

Rey clutched her necklace. Ben met her gaze.

And every night, there was weeping.

- show the way (the world could be) for writergenie

In the aftermath of the Battle of Crait, Rey struggles to find her place among the Resistance. However, her lingering Force bond with Kylo— Ben— whatever name he calls himself— complicates things, blurring the line between friend and foe.

When the tension threatens to boil over and a desperate plan goes awry, Rey begins to wonder whether there really is a line between light and dark after all.

(Stars do burn brightest in the blackness of space.)

- why don't we go (somewhere only we know) for XarisEirene

The bond snaps back into place, even stronger than before. He is here. With Rey, yes, but with Luke - Luke, who is looking at them now with that same dangerous glint in his eye that haunts Ben’s dreams.

- renewed, transfigured, in another pattern for yodalorian

Rey mourns on Tatooine while Ben is stuck in the World Between Worlds. But neither of them are alone, and blue butterflies light a path back to each other.

[achtung-attitude]

At that moment, the wedged freezer door rings like a bell struck hard from the other side. It’s struck again, and again. Then another, and another. 

At first, it remains steadfast. But soon it moves, first by a fraction of an inch, then a quarter, until finally it crashes down onto the floor. Sunmi steps over it, passing the infected responsible for knocking it down. They examine their broken limbs and laugh like it’s the funniest thing in the world.

“Not right now, you guys! Time to focus!” Sunmi commands, and her thralls fall sullenly into line. Stepping into the back halls of the shop, she observes two things: a door hanging open, leading to an alley, and a trail of blood droplets leading upstairs. “Hmm… Come on, boys and girls, we’re nearly done.”

She leads her horde of crazies to the second floor and grins as she comes upon Moya, her body still limp from the knockout blow she received. She’s leaning against an armchair in the family residence above the shop. Nearby, an open window lets in a muggy breeze. “Ough, you fucking guys…” she groans, looking up at Sunmi. “You and All-Kill and the rest of you… Were you born this evil?”

“Haha! That’s typical!” Sunmi scoffs to her thralls, who giggle in unison. She crouches to Moya’s level, “Of course somebody like you would call my liberating work ‘evil’. All I do is allow people to live more honestly. Without fear. But enough about me. Looks like you had a falling out with your gal pal~!”

“I knew it… I knew she wouldn’t change… She said she had a plan to deal with you… Turns out the plan was to leave me here while she cut and ran!”

“That does sound like Tong-tong, but… she’s smart. I bet there’s more to the story. If you tell me, I can make things… easier for you. How about it?”

Moya grimaces, spitting a load of blood. “Sure, why not? You’ll love this: The idea is to leave me here for you to play with. Keep you busy, while she runs off to kill Sang-ok.”

The shaven-headed woman stiffens. “...What?”

“It’s only a 15 minute drive from here, you know? Between Little Armenia and Koreatown…” the detective says, sneering at her enemy. “She told me, you know. About your adorable romance with All-Kill. What’s your sweet guy gonna think of you after he gave you one little job, and you couldn’t even defend his favorite child?”

Sunmi no longer smiles. She pulls out a cellphone and hands it roughly to the nearest lunatic: the lead police officer, who stares at her in confusion. “Go,” she commands. “Find a car, go to Koreatown. Call this number. Get over there before it's too late.”

The infected officer seems about to ask something, but instead runs out of the room, taking his partner with him.

“You’ve got a way of getting on my nerves, honey,” says the shaved-headed woman, producing another cellphone and texting something while addressing Moya. “I have a mind to let my babies here tear you apart, but… you could still get in on this. Let QUEENS set you free and give in to your true desire.”

Moya scowls as she begins to stand up, confronting the killer on her own two feet.

“I figured…” Sunmi goes on, “You  can use your Stand to knock me down and ‘cure’ my lovely children. But really…” She flexes her own neck. In the next moment, scores of her Stand drones emerge from her. In an instant, over a hundred of them are buzzing in unison, threatening to engulf the residence. “Are you fast enough?”

Moya pales at the sight. Even with WITCH MOUNTAIN’s speed and power, she can only fight so long before she too is infected by the evil of the Stand. Sighing, she turns towards her only hope: the open window. 

“Oh-!” Sunmi says as the detective dives headlong out of the window. In the next instant, she is taken by surprise once again, as the window abruptly closes. “What…? No…” she utters, disbelieving.

Her suspicion is confirmed when T’onga appears on the other side of the window, balancing on the brief ledge jutting from the wall. Below her, WITCH MOUNTAIN clings to the wall and holds Moya up with its free hand.

The Korean assassin lays her hand flat against the window and prepares to activate her Stand, just as she had planned, luring Sunmi into the room and using Moya as bait. She grins, “HOUSE OF-”

But then, Sunmi grins back at her. A rough hand grabs T’onga by the scruff of her neck and she slips off the ledge, held up like a misbehaving cat. “What the hell-?!”

Looking up, she sees a bizarre sight. The infected police officer dangles off the side of the building, held by his ankles by the lead officer standing on the roof.

“rIng-a-lING, diNG-a-LING!!” the lead officer declares in a sing-song voice. The officer clutching T’onga shows her the phone given to them by Sunmi, revealing the text on screen: “Go to roof. Tonga close by.”

“T’onga!” Moya shouts, WITCH MOUNTAIN flexing in preparation. But then the cop holding the Korean woman pulls his sidearm and shoves the barrel in her face.

“YOU ComE Too, bItCH!!” the lead officer commands, “If NOT, wE’LL ThRoW THe kOREAn slUT ofF tHe BuIldINg!!”

She scowls, but relents. The window opens, and savage hands pull both women back into the apartment.

Finally, Sunmi has T’onga in her grip. Moya looks down in shame, as she too is restrained by three crazies, holding her arms behind her painfully.

T’onga is far less graceful in captivity, writhing against her captors. “Let GO of me!!! Let go, you FREAKS!!” She thrashes so violently, she seems not to notice her locket falling from one of her pockets.

“Oh, don't be mean to them, Tong-tong! They're just doing what they think is right. I have to say though, you nearly had me. But I know you too well. You’re too cowardly to risk fighting Gok…”

“You're sick in the head, you buzz-cut bitch!!”

In the midst of this, the infected holding Moya become anxious. “cAn we eAT hER nOW!?! CAN WE BitE!?!!” one pleads.

“mUNCH inTO hEr!! I wANNa teaR hER ApaRt!!”

“oNly THe best aT Taco BeLL, noW foR jUst 1.99!!”

“No,” their mistress commands, then softens. “I have a better idea. Pay attention T’onga. I want you to look at this.”

A single drone emerges from Sunmi to hover over Moya. One of her captors pulls her head back by her hair to expose her neck. T’onga watches fearfully as the drone’s silver needle draws closer to her companion’s neck.

“Oh look~!” Sunmi coos. Her Stand freezes in place. Their captor stoops to retrieve T’onga locket from off the floor. “I always wondered what was in here. You never showed aaanybody~! You don’t mind if I take a peek now, do you?”

T’onga struggles against the hold on her. “No, don’t!!” she yells, “That’s not for you to see!!”

Sunmi smiles, staring into T’onga’s eyes as she raises the locket theatrically, making sure everyone sees. “I bet it’s that one actor you like. What was his name again? Steven Yu…?” 

The second she clicks the button, unfastening the locket, T’onga ceases her struggling, her desperate expression replaced by a sardonic grin. Sunmi sees this and frowns. From the corner of her eye, she sees two things emerge from inside the locket: the corpse of a spider, and HOUSE OF PAIN, pushing up the rim of the locket while skittering out.

[mikkeneko]

10 favorite female characters from 10 different fandoms

Tagged by @drowningbydegrees  :) Like her, going with "first ten that came to mind" over any other, like, universal all-encompassing criteria.

I could swear I've done a list like this before, but when I checked to make sure I wasn’t repeating characters it looked like I’d done 10 favorite overall characters, not female specifically. Always nice to have a more specific search term!

1. Cordelia Naismith from the Vorkosigan series

Cordelia has been a favorite character from a favorite series for years, but having her return in Gentleman Jole and the Red Queen to show us how she’s grown and changed in the thirty-five years since we last had her as a POV character really deepened my appreciation for her. Cordelia mostly held the role of the Progressive Expat in the feudal, militaristic and overwhelmingly male-dominated society of Barrayar that she married into, and she spend her entire life fighting to bring more egalitarian and humanitarian perspectives to her adopted culture. Gentleman Jole showed us some of the changes Barrayar worked on her in return; she’s a lot harder, a lot more bloodthirsty, and a lot more tired  at the end of her career than the beginning, although she never lost hold of her core principles. Above all I really have to admire Gentleman Jole  for saying “You know what? Fuck it. Cordelia gets everything she wanted. She no longer has to put her dreams and wishes on hold to try to help her husband or son’s career along. She gets to retire to the planet she discovered and she gets six baby girls and a hot younger boyfriend and a seat on a scientific research committee. No more sacrifices. Cordelia gets everything she ever wanted.” and I for one think that’s extremely good.

2. Eowyn from the Lord of the Rings

Was just having the discussion with my fiance yesterday about how despite the fact that Tolkein is on record as saying he doesn’t know how to write female characters, he did a pretty great job with Eowyn, giving her a full multifaceted personhood with a lovely character arc of her own (which is not, despite first appearances, centered on being in love with a man) dealing with themes and issues that are still  relevant, and  doing so in a way that was specific to the female experience of the society she was written in. So either he underestimated his capacity to write female characters or he was smart enough to listen to the input of a female editor, either way, good job. It would be nice to have more  characters like Eowyn in LOTR, but no complaints about this one.

3. Vin from the Mistborn trilogy

Sanderson generally writes pretty good female characters, although they don’t always overshadow the male characters in the same books. Going to pick just one from Sanderson’s stuff it was either going to be Vin or Vivenna, and I came down on the side of Vin because she’s just pretty great. I think my favorite thing about Vin is that she became a legend in the world that came after Mistborn,  and that as much as she is admired for her achievements Marasi still points out, correctly, that not all  women should have  to be the Ascended Warrior, there are other valid ways of being a woman (and a hero.)

4. Gideon Nav from the Locked Tomb trilogy

There’s something extremely, extremely refreshing about how pure of a himbo Gideon Nav manages to be, and I adore her for it. Gideon Nav saw a giant skeleton juggernaut with swords for hands and her immediate reaction was “I want to fight that.” Icon.

5. Sophie Hatter from Howl's Moving Castle

There are a lot of really great female characters in Diana Wynne Jones so it’s hard to pick just one, but Sophie is one very dear to my heart. Suddenly finding oneself to be ninety years old and taking that as an excuse to fling off all the ridiculous social restrictions of your age and gender? Mood. Feeling like a failure despite your repeated and provable talents as an organizer and your newly discovered talents as a witch? Big  mood.

6. Kiri from Madness Season

I am always at a loss about what happened  in C.S. Friedman’s other books because she can  write female characters well! Kiri and Hesseth prove she can! She just... doesn’t. Anyway Kiri was the best part of The Madness Season,  being an unimaginably old alien from a race of energy-based shapeshifters who mostly regard the antics of the ‘embodied’ species with tolerant fondness. Her species and society rely very heavily on having symbiote partners of an embodied species and she spends most of the book slapping the protagonist character upside the head and yelling “You! I choose you! Get your head out of your ass, get your immortal shit together, because you’ve got to be my partner now!” And he does, and in the process saves the galaxy, it’s rad.

7. Agatha Heterodyne from Girl Genius

Agatha Heterodyne is an absolute Mary Sue of a character, a busty blonde knockout who one day discovers herself to be the secret genius heir of a continent-spanning mad science empire, and people come from all over to swear either loyalty or lifelong enmity with her. And you know what? She’s valid.

8. Miriam from Spinning Silver

Spinning Silver contains a very excellent trio of great female leads, but Miriam is IMHO the best for the sheer spite-fueled power of “fuck the world that’s done this to my family, fuck the Winter King who thinks he can ride in here and walk all over me, and especially fuck you demon-infested tsar who is at least partially culpable for BOTH of these things!” 

9. Parker from Leverage

I didn’t want to leave one of my favorite TV shows off here, but mostly I admire Parker for how much she learned and grew; she starts off the series with an extremely specific set of skills and very narrow set of priorities and over the seasons that follow, she grows to encompass more wants and obligations and dreams and she grows so much  in skills that by the end of the series she’s the Mastermind, and she deserves it.

10. Wen Qing from The Untamed

Wen Qing deserved better than she got, she was placed in an impossible situation and she did everything she could to protect her family, both immediate and extended, from callous warmongers who wanted to use her. She never lost her pride or her principles even when the world was busy grinding her into the dust, she tried so hard, she got chewed up and spit out by a cruel society and unlike the main character, she never was given a second chance. I cry for Wen Qing.

Tagging in turn @faux-fires, @ushauz, @fairandfatalasfair, @curiosity-killed, @cersee?

[purplerose244]

Sweet Aftermath

Hi @forthegloryofdragons! I’m your Secret Santa for the @toa-secret-santa event! 😊 At this point it probably looks more like a New Year present, but Merry Christmas anyway and I hope you spent nice festivities!

Here we go with some Jlaire and our favorite punk wizard! ❤❤

Summary: Peace is momentary in their lives but when they get it, they enjoy it as much as they can. Dessert is always welcomed.

Also on the AO3

“Ouch!”

“Jim!” In the blink of an eye Claire was at his side, holding his hand before he could even process the idea of having a look himself. “You dummy, cut the strawberries, not your finger!” Granted that there wasn’t even any traces onto the actual cutting board – it was one drop at max, his girlfriend could be such a mama sometimes –, maybe it would had reached him some kind of prideful chef wound at being scolded for something this basilar.

It didn’t. All Jim could feel at the moment was the slightest pinch at the top of his finger, where the littlest red bubble was forming. It hurt. In a completely ignorable, absolutely meaningless way. But it hurt. It hadn’t hurt this little in a while now.

He couldn’t help smiling a little, even while Claire was already opening the cupboard to get the med kit. He had forgotten this type of common, after being the Trollhunter had become his everyday.

It was nice. And destabilizing. And a little freaky.

Then again, what wasn’t in his life?

While the little med kit was brought onto the counter of the kitchen and the cutting noises interrupted, the cheerful chatters coming from the living room brought his mind back. The party had been completely random, it had started with his mom wanting to know everything about what happened since they had last seen each other – well, she said that after the both of them managed to talk, with the messes of tears they had become with the both of them human again –, and it was continuing with plenty of people and food around.

Food gently cooked by the best chef of the Lakes’ house… not much of a competition really. But hearing his mom from the other room, chatting and gasping and laughing again, was enough to forget the bowl of popcorn on the table that she still somehow managed to mess up.

Jim breathed in, and then breathed out. Everything felt so new, yet exactly the same.

“Skin’s fragile. I forgot.”

“Well put it on a memo, it’s pretty important if you ask me. A mental memo…” The witch stopped midway, as she was pulling the plastic off the band aid. “I wonder if there’s a way to make that? A magical note stuck into your brain so you don’t forget it? I should ask Teach.” At last, the little medication was applied, At least none of the little red fruits got dirty. Yet Claire still wasn’t letting go of his hand, and when Jim looked up, there were those big brown eyes in front of which he could do absolutely nothing. “I’m serious, okay? Don’t get hurt, or at least try not to get hurt. I really think you had enough for a while.” She probably wanted to sound ironic.

It came out sad. Of course it did. And a lie as an assurance would had been pointless, the former Trollhunter would had made every single choice of his life all over again, to ensure the safety of those he loved. But maybe out of egoism, he would had not dragged them all in like this, knowing how much they were going to suffer for his sake. He wanted his friends near, yet not nearby. Did it make sense? Who knew? Maybe it didn’t have to.

Claire held onto both of his hands, looking up at him, lips curved in a little hopeful smile. And that put an end on any thought. It didn’t matter after all. As a human, as a half-troll, as a full troll, the sight right before his eyes had not changed. And he didn’t want it to change.

Jim sighed softly, nodding with a smile.

“I’ll do my best.” Claire sighed softly.

“Please do.” She leaned and kissed his cheek, and oh, magically there was absolutely no more pain into his entire body. A witch indeed, eheh. “What do you need the strawberries for?”

“Decoration mostly, but there’s so much chocolate in this that you need something fruity to make it less strong.” Right on cue the timer went off. He quickly stopped the noise and hurried to the fridge, taking out the cream that seemed perfectly chilled and ready to use. “Also should I say, strawberries and chocolate? Mucho romantico.” He shot a wink towards his girlfriend, who made that fond eyeroll from whenever he attempted to speak Spanish.

“Whatever, charmer. Get it over with, I’ve been smelling amazing stuff all evening and I’m really tempted to paralyze you with a spell and have it all myself.” Well if that wasn’t one of the sweetest compliments for his cuisine he had ever received. “How can I help?”

“Get me the sponge cake, it’s near the window.” Jim gave the cream a further whip to make sure it was airy and homogenous, before pulling out a spoon from the drawer – reminding himself last minute that he couldn’t and probably shouldn’t munch it anymore. “Alright, now for the tester…” He could had taken it himself of course, his sense of taste was back to human-like. Yet it was still hard to accept it, like his mind wasn’t fully into the all magical transformation that brought him back. He just needed a bit more of time, maybe. “Mrs. Nunez? If you could be so kind?”

“Oh well, if I really have to…” Claire smirked, putting the baking tray in front of her boyfriend with the sponge cake all rested and ready for the use. Then she leaned forward, taking the spoon into her mouth. She licked her lip. “Mm, oh yeah.”

“So it’s good?” She arched an eyebrow at him. “What? Let me brag a little, I’m good!”

“What if I still prefer guacamole over this?”

“Claire, you make amazing guacamole, but you also make a major bowl of it with, like, three tortillas. That kind of love is a little hard to match, even for my chef skills.” He got an elbow, because clearly some people couldn’t handle the harsh truth. “Just tell me if I should add something or mix it some more.” If it wasn’t perfect, it wasn’t going into the cake.

She knew that. She knew it, and she grinned widely, putting a hand over his cheek with a very evident intention into her eyes. With the sudden realization Jim had to claw onto the bowl with both hands to prevent any catastrophes like letting it drop accidentally, because kissing Claire was that mind-blowing – and it took him quite a bit to make this cream, thank you very much. A chocolate kiss that got him such jelly knees he was considering just letting himself go with the unconsciousness, it would had been the sweetest knockout of all of his Trollhunter life. This girl had gotten so much more confident since they first started to hang out. She was as gentle as a lady, and as vigorous as a warrior.

His Claire. His amazing, beautiful Claire.

She pulled away first, perfectly in control of the situation, smiling softly at him. The aftermath was possibly even better, knowing that this was real and it happened and it was going to happen again. Somehow he still could hardly believe his luck.

Claire bit her lip, staring with those big impossible eyes.

“Too sweet, maybe?” Jim shook his head with a grin.

“Nope, absolutely perfect.” Did that come out corny? Smoothness wasn’t exactly a skill of his, hopefully he didn’t ruin- and Claire was kissing him again, never mind, he loved life.

“Okay mates, quick update, we’re out of snacks in the other room and since I lost rock paper scissors I got sent here also to sneak on the dessert, and if you’re wondering how I lost let me remind you that Binky got four aaaaaarrrrm…” He loved life a little less with their good old – apparently very old – master wizard coming into the kitchen uninvited. That sheepish little grin was kinda funny though. “So, you mess with the timeline once, and you acquire the magical ability of having a terrible timing. Noted.”

Jim pouted. Claire laughed. Jim laughed. That was just how it was, also his girlfriend suddenly had that malicious look into her eyes that told him he wasn’t going to dislike the next following minutes – and he knew she had that look before she became a shadowmancer so… destiny?

“You’re actually right on cue, these dirty dishes are dying to meet you.”

“Uh… how badly are they dying?” And now the witch was glaring, the wizard immediately raised his hands for surrender. “Can’t blame one for trying.”

“Try and ruin another moment between me and my boyfriend, you’d wish I was only blaming you. You got out with little.” That was probably true and that was probably a given, hence why a second later Douxie was over the sink, pouring down the water and reaching for the soap. Claire gave him a firm nod. “Alright, what do we got?” She turned to the counter, gathering a few snacks onto another tray. “Okay, all kinds of chips, cold popcorn from the microwave Barbara made oww, socks, so many socks, a few burritos Krel’s friend brought…” Given the discovery that aliens were real, having an extraterrestrial as a taco seller so responsible for the burrito that had gotten Gatto that nasty stomachache somehow even made sense. “This should do for a while. Be right back.” She gave him a peck on the cheek and went to the living room.

Again, human’s skin was sensible. Jim hadn’t realized it made a difference before, he had been sturdy, strong as a half-troll. And so hardly soft and easy to please. It was still a little complicated listing off what was good and what was bad of his current situation. But one thing for sure, he loved how Claire’s kisses were sweeter than ever.

A snort. Apparently he had been staring at the door for a while, and Douxie was holding back his laughter with little success. So the former Trollhunter grinned back, giving him a shoulder while putting down the cream onto the squared sponge cake.

“Shut up and do the dishes.”

“Roger that.” The wizard stopped the water as the sink was full, getting to work. A minute of silence was filled solely by the tinkling of dishes and the dripping of water. A nice moment of normality. It had been a while after all. “You know, I gotta say.” Douxie wasn’t looking, yet there was definitely fondness into his eyes. “Spending 900 years adventuring and protecting the world, I’ve seen a lot of things. But a witch learning how to control dark magic in order to save her human-half-full-troll-hunter boyfriend? That one I’ve been missing.” He was fast at cleaning, swift and careful. He must had done it quite a lot at the restaurant he used to work in.

Jim sighed, nodding softly, his eyes lingering on how nicely the chocolate smelled and look. He carefully pushed the remaining onto one side, smoothing the surface.

“I’m so lucky to have her.”

“She’s also lucky to have you. You’re pretty great, and brave. To the point where it gets scary. And worrying. A lot.” Douxie laughed a little awkwardly, clearing his voice. “Not that I can talk, really.” Right, the two of them got so close to their demises for the sake of others.

They were similar. Very similar. Jim couldn’t help smiling.

“We really need to stop trying to die.” The wizard cracked a real laugh.

“Got that right.” Another moment of peace followed, and to this mindless noise Jim was starting to get used to again. “What are you making anyway?”

“Bouche de Noel.” Wow, exactly the same frown as Claire, was it a wizard thing? The confused judging eyebrow? “Yes, you don’t have to tell me, it’s a Christmas dessert. Yes, you don’t have to tell me, it’s disgustingly anachronistic. And no, you really don’t have to tell me, because I’m not trying to pull a Christmas on July thing. You got a British accent, not an Australian one, I wouldn’t even have a stretch to work on here.” Another little laugh. “I’ve been postponed it since forever not knowing if I had the bakery skills, but now that I got functioning tastebuds back I’m all in for it.”

With the cream down, he finally went over the cake, rolling it carefully to form the base of his dessert. It had chilled perfectly and had maintained the form, it looked just like the one in the picture where he got the recipe from. The thrill of making something with his own hands. Another absolutely pointless fun of just a human. It felt great.

Douxie gave it a peak, whistling.

“That looks and smells possibly even better than the mince pies from Camelot. For what’s worth I’m very glad we’re getting Christmas today!”

“Right, because you never know what might… uhm…” Jim swallowed, his throat suddenly very dry. From the wizard’s widened eyes, it looked like he couldn’t take that back even if he wanted to. “… today feels so nice. My friends are all here, my mom is here, my girlfriend is here. It hasn’t happened in a while, and I guess I realized how rare this is. We’re not even at the end of summer and we got three different apocalypses, so I thought of… not having too many regrets?” Now that it was coming out it felt very stupid. And insecure. Which wasn’t exactly weird coming from him, but at this point? A fight more a fight less? What was the difference?

He didn’t want to know what it was. He got too close already.

The master wizard breathed in and out, extremely deeply, the washing work momentarily forgotten. He picked a towel from the counter, slowly passed it through his fingers, then let it down. Only to bring one hand onto the former Trollhunter’s shoulder.

“You’ll make a fruitcake, at the real Christmas. A Panettone, or a strawberry cake maybe?” He was smiling, with that renovated determination that had gotten him ever since he came back from beyond the grave. “So you better invite me, and all the others. We’ll have another party just like this one, all together. Every single one of us.” That sounded like a promise. And this guy, this wizard was always ready to give everything for his promises.

So Jim nodded. It was barely a confirmation that everything was going to be okay. But the effort, that alone, was worth at least hoping for. They were all in this together.

Luckily for the guitarist there wasn’t much to clean up besides the bowl and various plates – for now at least, he was half sure Claire was taking this long just to pile up other stuff –, but he stayed to watch the trunk taking form. Two cuts for the shape. Ganache all over. Without worries.

Without problems. He was here. Right here, safe and alive… oh.

“I didn’t thank you, huh.”

Douxie blinked, taken back.

“… there were, like, five dishes. Doesn’t really compare with my shift at Benoi-”

“For saving my life.” Another sequence of batted eyelashes, and it was almost too easy imagining what were going to be his next words. Today Jim felt completely in charge of the situation, finally. “And I’m not talking about the whole turning back into a human thing, neither about the Arcane Order, even though that’s also worth mentioning.” Having Nari around was mildly unusual for that, but she was adorable enough to forget about it. “Claire told me about you guys at Camelot. About trying to find a way back to our time, saving everyone, saving me… the dungeon break was your idea. I wouldn’t have escaped if it wasn’t for that.”

Douxie seemed to have problems grasping this, or simply accept it. He turned his eyes back to the sink, almost as he wished there was still something to make himself busy with.

“It was nothing.” This time it was Jim who snorted.

“You messed up a timeline for one single half-troll, that’s a bit of something. I mean… I doubt Merlin would’ve done it.” That was probably uncalled for. But despite knowing how much those two wizards were close, it didn’t erase what that old man had done to him in the past.

There was no hatred into those amber eyes though. Just thoughtfulness.

“… I knew it was risky. But I also knew that too much depended on you.” The wizard managed a sad smile. “If that wasn’t a mistake, because Merlin didn’t believe in them, then I guess I really wanted to believe in the unexpected possibility that you were going to create… I didn’t want to leave a single friend behind.” He scratched the back of his head, shrugging a little. “Also my wallet couldn’t bare losing a tipper like you.” Sarcasm had to be some kind of special power of those who had been playing with life for too long.

Maybe that was also what made them so similar. Maybe that was also why, in some way or another, they had managed to survive. Jim smiled, bringing an arm onto his shoulders.

“Thank you, Douxie.” The wizard looked at him in bewilderment. And then, slowly, he lightened up, clenching his hold onto his shoulder. Giving him the feeling that maybe, just maybe, there hadn’t been many satisfactions for him lately. And this one came right on time.

“I did fix something after all.” He smiled too. “You’re very welcome, my friend.”

“So NotEnrique bet and won all the socks at Monopoli and I don’t know why I didn’t see it coming, that brother of mine will be the death of- aww, look at you.” Claire smiled at them, putting down the empty tray. “Having a little moment?” When he had taken that little detour for school at the beginning of this adventure, he definitely didn’t expect that one day he was going to be found by his girlfriend preparing a dessert for a bunch of mythical creatures and humans, while sharing a bro gesture with Merlin’s apprentice.

Did he ever say that his life was weird? Because boy oh boy it was.

Douxie took all his time to gave him one last pat and then turned to the girl, this time him being the one to showcase the little menacing grin – he never did dark magic before right… right?

“Indeed we were, guess who ruined it and will join me at cleaning dishes?”

“… well played Casperan. And that’s the only reason why I’m agreeing.” Claire huffed humorously, getting the dishes she just brought in onto the sink. “How’s the cake?”

“Almost done, just need to cover it and decorate it.”

“Good, because Toby got to his praising of your culinary skills, with plenty of more details now that he got all confident about making that one movie. So I’m pretty sure there will be a riot unless they get cake.” She breathed out, picking up a sponge only to look intensely at how her boyfriend was putting down the chocolate bark of the Bouche. It used to bring him such crazy butterflies in his stomach he could had passed out just by the knowledge alone. Now he couldn’t think of a life without those eyes on him. “We really need to do this more often. Just… this.” No silence felt more eloquent than the one that followed. It barely needed a nod from the two of them, while the dessert was finally put altogether with the covering and a smoothing for the surface.

Jim picked up a fork and started passing it over the covering, creating traces that made the trunk look somehow real. He moved the tool steadily, enjoying this, enjoying every moment of this peaceful time of them. Then he turned to the strawberries, all arranged nicely onto the cutting board, and he smiled a little.

He picked up a knife and one of the fruits.

“Let’s see…” He engraved it, creating little petals getting smaller towards the center, and placed it onto the cake. “Roses for my love.” Claire giggled, lancing her arms around his neck from behind. Then Jim picked up another strawberry, cutting it in thin pieces, then placing them onto the surface to form a note with a long tail, the only notion he had about music – at least not including that one piano kinda-serenate to Senor Uhl for not repeating the year. “And a note for my friend.” He completed with a few leaves of mint all over. “I think we’re ready now.”

Today Douxie looked so easy to please. Or maybe he really did spend a long time without being recognized for much. Because his amber eyes were shining, and it looked like he was holding back a much wider smile.

“Were you always this mushy, or was it Claire that has changed you?”

“Don’t know, don’t care, don’t ever want to find out.” Jim picked up the dish with the Bouche on it. “This is all I want.” The witch tightened her grasp – never mind, butterflies still lived.

She showed her tongue to the wizard.

“Jealous that I got the sweetest guy ever?”

“Nah, I have a punk rock soul, I’m immune to pure cheesy lovey-dovey situations.” Douxie grinned, looking fondly at them. “But if I can say it…” He lingered onto them, perhaps a little troubled. And somehow it was clear, he was pondering about the future, it was a thing that he couldn’t help doing apparently. Despite that, his eyes were sincere, and this determination still as solid as before. “Yeah, the both of you have great taste in people.”

They were going to have more parties like this. For sure.

With Claire right next to him, Douxie opening the door, and the number of smiling familiar faces waiting for him, Jim managed to push away the thought of tomorrow, with everything that was most likely still going to come for them. Here, now, they were happy and alive. It was enough.

So he snickered, showing up the cake to his cheering family.

“Merry Christmas, everyone!”