#‘our god is loving!!’ was he loving when he told you gay people should die

[rottenn-angel]

really wish Christian’s would stop saying ‘god bless you’ to me. i dont want your hateful god anywhere near me, thanks

[subway-tolkien]

Okay, this is 1600 words of (positive!) meta regarding the OFMD finale. Included is character analysis and a treatise on why a certain trope people keep throwing around does not apply here.

This is of course just my take, and I'm sure people will disagree, but I needed to get this out. Apologies if it comes off disjointed, I've had like no sleep.

Spoilers within, obviously. You have been warned. Heed the tags. I didn't tag any characters because I consider it a spoiler, but you know who this is about.

Listen. Listen.

Let me start off by saying I have been where you are. I’ve had beloved characters die, either because it was important to the narrative or for shock value. I’ve been there, so I’m not coming at this without empathy. I’m not an Izzy hater. I loved him as a character. I’m truly sad to see him go.

But from what I’m seeing around Twitter and tumblr, some of you do not understand the role of an antagonist in a story.

Izzy was always meant to die. The moment he said, in the first season, “the only retirement we get is death,” I knew he was meant to die in the end. The foreshadowing ran through both seasons. Izzy was the true antagonist of S1. He was there to keep Blackbeard tethered when he started pulling away, and yet he also set the plot in motion. He inadvertently introduced Blackbeard to the person who let him be just Ed. He put Ed on his own path to redemption without even knowing it.

S1 ended with Izzy getting what he wanted as Ed lost everything he had. S2 was about Izzy coming to terms with the fact that he’d gone too far, he’d turned Ed into a monster. It wasn’t what he wanted. He wanted Blackbeard back, just like old times. Instead, he got the Kraken, and it was more than he bargained for.

Especially after it cost him his leg and he realized how far gone Ed really was. The conversation that ended with Izzy’s half-assed suicide attempt was the final blow to Izzy—Ed really didn’t seem to care anymore. Where Izzy wanted him to stop giving a shit about his silly boyfriend, he instead got a Blackbeard who didn’t care about anything, and he was apparently now included in that category.

(I said half-assed suicide attempt because Izzy wasn’t meant to die then, THAT would have been an empty, pointless death. It wouldn’t have taught Ed anything—in fact, all it did was make him more self-destructive, which was Izzy’s purpose to the narrative, but not his endgame. That Ed thought Izzy killed himself pushed Ed to the brink. Ed wanted to die and take every scrap of Blackbeard with him. Had Izzy successfully killed himself, Ed and the Revenge would be at the bottom of the ocean.

It wasn’t until the crew left Izzy the unicorn leg that he realized the power of compassion, the incredible act of grace from a crew that suffered so much from Izzy’s own machinations and didn't need to forgive him. It moved him to tears, and it moved him to accept that maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea to let people in, to let himself be cared for. It was a foreign concept and something Izzy likely hadn’t experienced since losing his family (I fully expect a shit ton of fanfic of Izzy’s life before piracy).

Israel Hands found the capacity to let love all the way in and by god, did he pursue it.

But, again, Izzy was always meant to die, and I’m glad they stuck to the narrative they set out with instead of placating fandom and letting our influence dictate how they told this story That’s never good, trust me. Fandom should not influence a creator’s decisions regarding their own characters. It rarely if ever ends well.

[Stares in Voltron S8]

And I see a lot of people out here throwing the “bury your gays” phrase around—I beg you, please look up the definition of the trope. Izzy didn’t die because he was queer, he didn’t die because of his disability. He wasn’t one half of the only queer couple in the show fridged for shock value. He wasn’t killed off due to pressure from conservative viewers. He wasn’t the only queer, disabled character.

They didn’t kill off Lucius, or Jackie, or Wee John. Would you be as outraged if it was any of them?

Killing Eve is bury your gays. Supernatural is bury your gays. Pretty much any film, book, TV show, whatever, where a queer character dies because they’re queer, of AIDs, to further the narrative for a straight person, etc—that is burying your gays.

Izzy’s death was none of those things. Izzy’s death had meaning.

Izzy’s death freed Ed from the Blackbeard persona. It finally forced Izzy to say the things he couldn’t say until he realized it was his last chance. Izzy was also tired. I honestly think he stuck it out for Ed’s sake, because he was afraid to let Blackbeard go without making sure Ed would be ok.

He loved the idea of Blackbeard, but over time, he learned to love Ed. He finally understood what Ed tried to tell him the whole time.

“Fuck off, you twat. You’re surrounded by family.”

You’re safe. You’re loved. You don’t need me anymore. You don’t need to be reminded of who you’re capable of being, you need the people who will guide you to who you will become, and I’m not one of them.

I know a lot of Izzy fans are stung by his death, some of you are deeply upset. I get that. Like I said, I’ve been there. Sirius’s death made me throw that fucking book across the room. That Fucking Woman™ killed off my entire OTP, purely for shock value and, imho, a direct response to shippers. Trust me, I have felt betrayed by a creator for their decisions.

But I need you to understand that no, this was not a personal attack, this was not malicious, this was not “bury your gays." A show that celebrates queerness and diversity is not suddenly homophobic and ableist because your favorite character died and happened to be both of those things. But when the majority of your cast of characters is different in some way, and they’re in a show about 18th century pirates, you have to accept that one of them could, in fact, die. “Anyone Can Die” is also a trope and the more accurate one to describe E8.

If only being queer and disabled made you invincible.

Spoiler alert: it doesn’t.

And no, I’m not an Izzy hater. I loved him, I loved him as an antagonist, and I loved his redemption arc. He was fascinating and Con put his whole O’Nussy into that part. I’m sorry to see him go, but as a mystery writer who often has to kill off beloved characters, I understand that he served the purpose he had from the beginning.

I swear, if some of you had your way, there’d be no conflict at all in any form of media. This what a steady diet of nothing but fanfic gets you. This is not a fluffy one-shot with magical healing dick and a happy ending where everyone sails off into the sunset. If that’s what you wanted, what you headcanoned, you did this to yourself. It’s not David et al’s fault that we took that character and babygirled him. That’s the risk we take when we decide to love a specific character, when we take a genuinely terrible person (in S1) and woobify him.

So, please stop harassing and attacking David, Alex, et al. David did not and should not change his story to placate us. The fact he went ahead with it despite the backlash I’m sure he expected makes me respect him as a creator even more.

Anyway, I’m going to revel that we have three (!) queer relationships with happy endings where one or both didn’t immediately die (again, the actual definition of “bury your gays”) and that we got at least two seasons of a little show that celebrated individualism, diversity, queerness, compassion, and love.

In the end, it all came down to love.

“There he is.”

Goodbye, Blackbeard.

Hello, Ed.

[mcflymemes]

PROMPTS FROM RED, WHITE & ROYAL BLUE *  assorted (and slightly adapted to suit this meme format) dialogue from the book by casey mcquiston, adjust as necessary

on purpose. i love him on purpose.

i've always thought of myself as a problem that deserved to stay hidden.

i'm going to have you offed. you'll never see it coming.

take anything you want and know you deserve to have it.

get in there.

you're literally putting your dick in the leader of a foreign state.

before you, i was all right letting everything happen to me.

i can't believe even mortal peril will not prevent you from being the way you are.

sorry, are we not? did i skip ahead again?

you've been warned.

he died as he lived: avoiding plans and sucking cock.

my life is a cosmic joke and you're not a real person.

hey, have i told you lately that you're brave?

i honestly have never thought i deserved to choose.

we're gonna make it work. you and me and history, remember?

if you finish that sentence, i'm gonna spend tonight in jail.

but the truth is, also, simply this: love is indomitable.

i actively wish for the sweet release of death.

yes, good, carry on.

i won't hear a word against it.

we're gonna do it together.

i said you look great, baby!

i meet you in every dream, and when i wake i cannot close my eyes again for ruminating on your sweetness.

i'm so in love i could die.

you can take your legacy and your decorum and you can shove it up your fucking arse.

i wonder if it's too late to swan dive off the roof.

i'm learning all your hidden depths today, sweetheart.

you must invent an entirely new system.

a curious thing about grief is the way it takes your entire life, all those foundational years that made you who you are, and makes them so painful to look back on.

he's proof that it doesn't matter where you come from or who your family is.

i've bloody well had it!

we can unpack the ironic symbolism later.

that's beyond our sense of decorum!

i'm not afraid of anything i feel. i'm afraid of saying it. i'm only afraid of what happens when i do.

aw, you do care.

if there's any legacy for me on this earth, i want it to be true.

straight people probably don't spend this much time convincing themselves that they're straight.

the moment you first called me a prick, my fate was sealed.

you are the absolute worst idea i've ever had.

should i tell you that when we're apart, your body comes back to me in dreams?

can you perhaps stop putting your sodding life in danger now?

what are we even defending here?

history will remember us.

when i sleep, i see you.

i hate this so much.

every person who bears a legacy makes the choice of a partner with whom they will share it with.

we're just gonna fucking fight.

he is my choice.

i can appreciate that maybe this isn't your fault.

i've been gay as a maypole since the day i came out of mom.

when i wake up in the morning, it feels like i've just been with you.

i can feel your skin against mine, and it makes every bone in my body ache.

your spine's a ridge i'd die climbing.

for a few moments, i can hold my breath and be back there with you, in a dream, in a thousand rooms, nowhere at all.

the phrase 'see attached bibliography' is the single sexiest thing you have ever written me.

i promise you, one day we'll be able to just be, and fuck everyone else.

give yourself away sometimes, sweetheart. there's so much of you.

i want to set myself on fire, but i can't afford for anyone to see me burn.

you see, for me, memories are difficult.

never tell me the odds.

i wish there weren't a wall.

jesus christ, it's like they can see into your soul.

you're it, okay? i'm never gonna love anybody in the world like i love you.

i'm finished. i don't care.

god, i want to fight everyone who's ever hurt you.

the whole world watched, and history remembered.

are you quite finished?

just so we're clear. i'm about to have sex with you in this storage closet to spite your family.

you insane, hopeless romantic little shit.

[littlestar-center]

~☆ENJOY YOUR STAY!☆~

Welcome to the LittleStar Center(2007)! Our lovely cast of friends are here at your every service, Kiddo! Ask us anything and you shall receive an answer!

Hello! I’m @callmeend ! And this is my Dandy’s World AU (technically) Where someone that saw the downfall of the Gardenview and went “Wait, why don’t I just make my OWN?”

I’ll try to make my own animations to post to this blog! I’ll also try to make art for asks!

LAST UPDATE: Nov 3rd

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-3Special Tags!3-

Little Star ~ well whadda think? Anything Little Star related!

☆You’ve got Mail!☆ ~Asks to deliver!

☆Lost Mail…☆ ~Skipped asks :(

☆Keep this In mind☆ ~Semi interesting stuff that could definitely help you in the future

☆Lore☆ - …?

☆Video-Gif☆ ~Me struggling to make anything that happens to not be a still

☆Hall of Art☆ ~(Reusing this from my main) Art!

☆Event Asks☆ ~ Events created by Askers!

☆- Truth asks..

_____________________________________

_____________________________________

The Current characters you can talk to are..

You can also talk to Sunny, Though, he might not respond.

(Every 5 unanswered/skipped asks you will be blessed with the truth..)

Quick rundown for new comers except I’m not serious as I should be (autism)

Artesia - She is a shy artist (at least she’s told) that carries around a small sketchbook and draws the most eye catching things she notices. Drawing is her everything! She is an easy target and very gullible, often having trouble standing up for herself.

Jack - A trickster and has the confidence of a God, oftentimes pulling pranks on the others around him, despite being pretty rude and rough apon first meeting, he’d soften up if you give him a chance, probably has the energy and humor of a middle schooler with great (inappropriate) music taste. Even the most beloved creators has a horrible creation and it’s him.

Cambina - Watches carefully over everyone’s moves, is really vague and will most likely leave you in a state of overthinking. She just likes looking over people and can’t bare being alone, kinda wishes she was a real toon.

Gloria - Most likely ate the food you told people not to touch but replaces it always. Author, burnt out but also has motivation. Likes singing as a hobby but she wouldn’t do it if you asked her too, 4th most likely to drown a child in strawberry syrup (what am I typing)

Stamps - Ever get a pop up ad? Would come out of thin air to tell you something, would talk a lot but would probably be bombed by Jax again. Would defend you better than a lawyer being paid 7 bucks a second. He would die with your secrets

Balloony - (by my sister) he is playful + funny (can make jokes in Morse code (weird flex))

Yoyo - THE MINOAUR. Doofus, if you asked him what 11x2 was He would still need a piece of paper, most likely has a to do list and yearns for badges. “Boy Scouts code number —“ ass. ADHD. Needs glasses but keeps breaking them and 9/10 he has undiagnosed autism.

Connor - the baker (NOT COSMO) the cooker (NOT GAY.) “nice” is an understatement, being around him would make your day (mainly because he makes free food) no enemies, because he poisoned them all, has years worth of rage stored up inside of him but when he’s mad he thinks “why are you over reacting” before dancing to breakcore

Crispin - Everyone already said it, Western.(def lives on a barn) Somewhat sweet and tart, would load up his double barrel shotgun and put it in your mouth if you tried to drink him. Provides most of the food in the little star center!

Serena - This sorrowful siren isn’t technically apart of the little star center, disconnected from the others, she tries her best to get by. Normally she would have a snarky attitude towards you and would sing songs to hypnotize you, so watch out! Serenas jewelry is her most prized possessions! She is the only siren in her family (her 2 sisters and father). Sunny keeps close eye on her.

Dr. Crow - The Doctor of the toons, also a Potion-brewer! She has the power to heal most pains, emotionally or physically with the perfect mixture of ingredients. She lives in a hut and actually does have a crow companion! Sunny keeps close eye on her.

Sunny - Lovely all mighty.. He gatekeeps rather he's a witch or a Wizard, he would appear when someone had a problem, He would tackle tough topics, He doesn't spend much time with the others because he's a loner (he would if he did he just doesn't becaus-), He has once had a wife/love interest that is always brought up in very vague ways, He can fly by using clouds, he's the smartest in the team, He loves the water (just sitting in the sunset/sunrise, watching the water), He acts as a Guide since he knows most, he likes drawing and writing on walls. Worst person to have on your bad side. Keeps everything and everyone safe, after all, you need the sun right?

Friend Made Ocs-

‘Daria is one adventurous gal! She loves to create fun quests for people to take up. Since she never backs down from a challenge, it means she can be a little overconfident at times—often saying things she’ll never actually do. But, either way, she’ll be your guiding light throughout any task.’ ~ @umaisho

>Loucky the computer: MINOR - computer but unfortunately stupid as hell at times (damaged system). Yaps in python, responds in python ~ @machlover54666

Autumn the Pumpkin- Autumn is a young, energetic pumpkin. He enjoys doing lots of dangerous activities, and enjoys the thrill of it. Autumn inspires children to face their fears! (Rundown one)

Autumn - This kid’s got guts. Rushing into any dangerous situation without hesitation, he’ll do anything just for the thrill of it. In case something goes wrong, he’s always equipped with his water gun. He never really needs it though, because it’s just a water gun. He may seem fearless, but truly, he has a lot more worries than he lets on. (Rundown two) ~ @thatonewizard1806

Sparks and Carmella - Nobody knows where they came from. They just showed up one day. Sparks is excited and joyful almost constantly, running around recklessly and always getting into trouble, while Carmella is an elegant and refined one, who would rather stay inside all day. These two are commonly with Autumn when he’s not busy on some bizarre scheme. ~ @thatonewizard1806

Tara is often working on some dangerous experiment. She’s gone kind of insane and has some… odd theories, to say the least. To be completely honest, she’s probably the least trustworthy person in the entire center. ~ @thatonewizard1806 AGAIN.

Boomie - He is a chill and laid back dude who will stand up for and protect others whenever needed, despite this, he refuses to use physical violence of any sort ~ @a-rand0m-bl0g

Lily - Lily randomly appeared at this place one day, this coincidentally happened on the day Sunny's wife died.. We don't know where or what she came from, but we have reason to suspect she has underlying intentions. what do I do with it. @noddlewhodoodles

(NOT SHOWN IN REFERENCES YET!)

Trashster:Your typic old grumpy neighbour... But hes not old.. Hes actually pretty young, but since he was born he had to work in his family business..toxic waste.. yeah Trash kinda got the old look from radio active shits.. He flips of everyone if they make him mad.. even kids -No Tumblr :(

This is not the end of characters! Nothing over till I say it is (chews on everything!!!)

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ ꩜˚.Seeya₊˚𖤐~.

[three-cheers-for-my-balls]

MY FAVORITE RTC QUOTES

when you've been alone as long as i have, you tend to anthropomorphize your friends. (karnak)

-If you believe both armrests are yours exclusively, you are part of the problem. (karnak)

-even in competition against yourself, you can still walk away a loser (ocean)

-he was inspired by traditional african folk music, specifically the lion king (constance)

-raise a middle finger to that most ruthless adjudicator called time (karnak)

-i hope i wiped my browser history clean (constance)

-democracy rocks! (ocean)

-i trade mostly in prophecies that dont make any sense until they actually do (karnak)

-even in death i can't escape her- she's followed me to the afterlife! (noel)

-well played satan, well played (noel)

being the only gay man in a small rural highschool is like having a laptop in the stone ages. sure you can have one but theres nowhere to plug it in (noel)

When a lioness has children, she sops making love to the lion. the lion gets jealous, sometimes so jealous he eats the children. You think this would upset the lioness. far from it. they make love again like the children never existed. (jane/penny)

-noooo i cant get any wifi up in this bitch (mischa)

-my gansta persona is only armour to conceal the fact that i am naked child wandering through the wilderness holding in my hands my wounded fragile heart (mischa)

-that was wack (mischa)

-i dont know how it is in your culture but in ours, playing games with peoples lives? super illegal (ocean)

-if its yellow, let it mellow. if its brown scoop it out with your hand and put it in the compost (karnak)

-some people are right wing, some people are left wing but last time i checked it takes 2 wings to fly. we are community we are family, we are the world (ocean)

-what you need is a fother-mucking hero (ocean)

-your cousin was in grade 4 he had to get his stomach pumped (ocean)

-you challenged my preconcieved notion that all gay dudes are fun to be around (ocean)

-OHHHH sweet jesus christ. on a bike. (noel)

-its like a slurpee woodstock (noel)

-a s.xual provacetour and a novelist. who never wrote a novel. or had sex (noel)

-GOD DAMMIT CAN YOU KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS FOR ONE SECOND YOU HORRIBLE SUCCUBUS (noel)

-that was DOOOOOPEE YOOOOO (mischa)

-mad wicked awesome! (mischa)

-fornication under consent of the king (jane/penny)

-in my country it is natural for 2 men to show affection by kissing… not always in heels (mischa)

-theres a difference between affection and smut (ocean)

-not in my bible baby, bonsoir (noel)

mine will only have profanity in chorus (mischa)

-little orphan a hole (mischa)

-teen sex? kills (ocean)

-porno is magical (ricky)

whattt just because im all gangsta dont automatically make me homophobic. its not cool to be homophobe in rap game anymore since macklemore dropped same love. that sh.t was emotionally devastativing yo. (mischa)

he turned to the last fashion of pure stregnth and masculinity in society, self agrandizing commercialized hiphop (karnak)

grab yo dicks if you in the 306 bruh (mischa)

-autotune will never die (mischa)

-my rage has subsided, i am vulnerable now (mischa)

and that is why not everybody should have a library card! and you should vote for me (ocean)

and this is why you both SUCKED at math (ocean)

-on the other hand, given the context of german history, being a party spoiler might be a good thing. (karnak)

-i guess you could say im pretty sexy on another planet (ricky)

i told you moneky lovedrop (ricky)

-life is hard enough without making up reasons to be dicks to each other (ricky)

-incredible~ (ricky)

-theres only one commandment in the bachelor man bible: dont be a dick (ricky)

-we listen to you now space jesus (mischa)

[kaguya-muneuji]

OH I HAD A FUCKING CRESCENDO IDEA (FOR THISE WHO SIMPLY DO NOT KNOW :tm: ITS OUR ENSTARS RP GROUP EHEH)

MAGICAL GIRL AU

imagine

CRESCENDO but something like Yuki Yuna is a Hero which i TOTALLY forced you to watch

the heros are the members of the “hero club” or some sort of idolistic club and they go around and sing and dance for everyone else but the main premise of the club is to find sacrifices worthy for “god”—whoever that may be. So when Crescendo’s first mission begins, they freak out.

Kiyama, although excited, has never been beyond this side of the world. Where the gods lay. His flower may be something like… a sunflower, and his weapon being a polaram or breakers or something like that. something with high mobility.

Miharu is given something like. a daisy maybe? (wasnt able to find anything on masking) and their weapon is maybe something defense-related.

Kirina’s flower is a white lily. Since Kirina expresses herself through dance her weapon might be something like a fan or some sort of leg brace based on kicking

Sato’s flower is a lilac, since Sato (i think) values family and close bonds. maybe their weapon is something based on chanting and bringing things together— like the vines itsuki has

Katsu’s flower is a Strelitzia since they symbolize a free spirit. Maybe Katsu’s weapon is a straight up electric guitar or a gun of some sorr

Shion’s flower is a white rose, my gay ass loves to focus on shion’s split between her unit and crescendo, since she can only focus on one after the events of ykyk.

Anyways with these, this idol group is tasked with the duty of protecting the world against the “Vertexes” or the wrath of the gods against humanity.

Hehe what do you think so far?

HI. I GO INSANE OVER CRESCENDO. HIIIIIIII I LOVE THEM SO MUCH DID U GUYS KNOW THAT. ANYWAY I WROTE A LOT IT GOT A BIT LONG SO. MORE RAMBLING UNDER THE CUT ^_^

@twowink @lycanthian @shards-of-brilliance @crooked-corvid hope u dont mind me tagging yall but its ur lil guys (gender neutral)

also im sorry i never got around to watching it o7 i think i accidentally closed the tab for it while doing a tab cleanup KLJHFKJSHDKFJ

also FUCK YEAH . MIHARU WITH DEFENSE. GOD. IM INSANE ABOUT THAT. IVE ALWAYS IMAGINED THEM TO BE LIKE . A PROTECTOR OF SORTS. YKNO . LIKE THEYRE CHILL BUT THEYLL ALWAYS HAVE UR BACK AND AOUR(ITDIFYGSDLIFUGSDFLKJG they have a shield and they most definitely have a helmet that they sometimes wear because im all for the "masking" and "putting on a different face" thing they have going on (if this is how you learn about this then. there u go! altho it seems i alr told you about it mostly . yeah i think i did say somehting about that) anyway. miharu sooo has paladin vibes. hgrhgh

i think kiyama (or katsu) should have gauntlets. they deserve to punch people. altho an entire electric guitar is SICKKK anyway kiyama probably would have Some armor (probably leather) on his upper body bc . hes gonna be in the middle of all these weapons ykno. he needs to be at least somewhat flexible and light on his feet right? hm. i dunno . kiyama and katsu are difficult to think about for this. katsu definitely has some lightning effects going on. That will stay.

SHION. I DIE IMMEDIATELY. OAURGHHRGHGRHGJHRGJRHG ourhg. she'd be probably one of the ones dealing dmg too. give em a sword ^_^ classic fighter. also im putting them in a skirt u cant STOP ME. oh if u havent caught on EVERYONE IS GETTING SOME ARMOR. YOU CANT STOP ME. magical girls outfits with just frills and fabric be damned. I NEED TO PUT SOME METAL ON THEM I NEED TO MAKE THEM KNIGHTS (no not en.stars knights sorryy still love them tho ^_^) GOD. IM INSANE. MAGICAL KNIGHTS WITH FLOWERS??!?!?? OUHGHHHH

heheh ok time for kiri~~ she definitely has high mobility!! aaa implementing her dancing ability into her fighting style!!!!! i think shed try to learn how to fight using a halberd at first but she finds it awkward to move around with and then she (or sm1 else helps) comes up with the idea to do what shes used to: dancing. if shes so used to moving gracefully without holding heavy things then why doesnt she just. do that ? !!!! anyway im putting her hair into a high ponytail as we speak. although im having difficulty in imagining her in armor. ill work on that.

satoo waaaa so theirs would kinda be like. immobilizing enemies? kinda?? ough interestingggggg i think their armor would be relatively light (like kiyamas) but im thinking maybeee . ok i lost the thoughts dammit its hard to think about things for sato too :((

tldr i need to draw them all. specifically i need miharu in flowy fabric and armor. with flowers. and a shield. FUCK now im thinking about hades im sorry (i am crazy ok)

[taegularities]

Wait I wanna know more about the guy who fucked up, if you feel comfortable of course

Do we need to bring our pitchforks or just hate mail ⚔️

wait i'm actually... ksjdksad i don't like talking about someone like that, but i do need to vent, if that's okay? jkdshkasf i've been bottling it up and only talked about it properly to my mom and dad :'')

the first few weeks, he was really sweet? like he'd buy me gifts and compliment me and tell me how much he admired my personality. i think he's not a bad person per se, but he's extremely old-fashioned and narrow-minded.

i saw the first red flag when he called me and ended up speaking about marriage. which is okay, you know. like, i'm alright with being open right from the beginning. but that convo brought in a few very strange happenings in the following few weeks, which included but aren't limited to

him asking, "you're not one of those girls who'd wanna wait for years after marriage before having children, right?".. i tell him, well yes, i am. do you want kids right away or? and he says.. "9 months isn't right away." ok.

him saying he's too lazy to clean his apartment, and "how about i pick you up, bring you here, go away for the weekend and when i come back, you'll have it all cleaned!"

him offending my entire occupation that i studied for for years, because he had a bad experience with people in that department. i understand, but i did tell him not all of us are the same, and he said "idc, they don't deserve any respect", which essentially means that i don't either.

him looking at me weird when i said that tom holland's lip sync battle is one of my all-time-favourite videos on yt and then telling me, "but it's gay af." and just generally not being a fan of the lgbtiqa+ community.

him saying that once he's a dad, he'll be strict and not allow his kids to do anything. he just? talked about having kids a lot? even told me, when i almost choked on smoking hot food, "don't die, i still need like 3 kids from you"

and what made me abandon him for good: i asked him why he's always so excited about marriage, which is okay, but just wanna know! he says people usually want to get married bc they love their partner, but idk why... for me it's cos i want kids. in that case, i noticed he wasn't there for me, but just bc i'm fertile (or so i hope)

that day, i said he should want a girl for more than that. he said, "i know, after all you're not a child factory". i tell him yup that's right... and he proceeds to joke, as he called all his offensive shit, "but you could be." and that's where i bid him goodbye.

there goes. i was in a strange mood after that? i think i even dipped from tumblr for a moment. my parents were a bit worried, but then i realised that i felt a lot better without him. god i'm not ready for relationships lmao, but i won't fight love. when it happens, it happens... so fingers crossed for something better <3

[chuuyascumsock]

AHH SNOOKUMS!! YOURE BACK!!

And don’t worry about it!! Everyone has ups and downs so I get it :D I just feel happy that you interact w me !!

AND OH MY GOD NOT MORE ROACHWS- I’m so sick of those creatures.. WHY DO THEY EXIST THEY HAVE NO PURPOSE AT ALL 😭 I need someone to be there to hold me when I jump and flinch at the sight of one :’( but I’d tolerate them to kiss you in the Harry Potter cupboard under the stairs with a roach corpse ❤️

AND I DYED MY TIPS RED 🤭 I actually really like it! Now whenever I tie my hair up the ponytail or plait is always just red!! Ofc I’ll be the sunset shimmer to your twilight sparkle 😘😘😘

My cousin wasn’t happy when I showed him but only because he wants me to dye my hair green meanwhile his dad wants to cut my hair off because HE doesn’t like it ☹️

AND STOP THAT LIZARD STORY IS SO FUNNY

And you’re so right it IS our gay destiny 😘😘

Pookie we should definitely be lizard moms together 😋 THEYRE SO SILLY AND CUTW I LOVE THEM and snakes, some of them have such funny little faces ❤️

AND OMG I HOPE YOU GET THAT JOB SNOOKIW!!

But I’m on my way home rn!! Get ready I’m going to be back and terrorising my beloved moots full time 🥰🥰

The rest of the trip was okay… I met up w a friend I had when I was but a wee lass and hadn’t seen in ages so now we’re keeping in contact which is nice!!!

How are you my dear? I hope all is well <3

You are so kind to tolerate little roach corpses just so we could smooch 🤭

And I’m so glad you like your hair, I bet it looks adorable (I’ll throw pine cones at your cousin’s dad if he doesn’t stop being a hater— also if your cousin likes green so much, why doesn’t he die his hair green 🙄✋).

I’d love to have like a pet snake at some point (I think the milk snake and corn nose snakes are the cutest and want one). One of my friends said he wanted a pet tarantula and we were planning on being roommates with another friend in the future and I told him my ass was not moving in with him if he got one because I have the worst fear of spiders (even though I love jumping spiders, all the other ones can go to hell, especially wolf spiders— their faces up close scare the fuck out of me and I could go on a rant about how and why they’re different than jumping spiders in terms of scare factor 😭).

I did end up getting the job, I was actually called on a few hours after my interview on the last day of my other job and they told me I got it so jokes on my dad who yelled at me for quitting my other job and getting another job within my two weeks saying I wouldn’t be able to do it 😎 (my mom made him apologize and awkwardly hug me because I def cried lmao).

AND COME HOME POOKIE, WE MISS YOU— THE KIDS MISS YOU 🥺

I’m so glad you got to meet up with an old friend, that’s my favorite thing to do (especially when I disappeared out of nowhere from my home state years ago and left everyone making theories about my missing whereabouts lmao).

I’m doing pretty well, life is looking actually pretty decent. I feel good too, I’ve been getting out a lot more and have more friends. I do more and I’m feeling less bored. Compared to a couple months ago, I feel like I’ve really improved as a person, I think having some people leave my life did me more good than damage looking back on it because they were holding me back from growing since they were not willing to grow themselves so hurray to that :)

Hope you’re doing well Pookie and taking care of yourself 🫶

[libidomechanica]

A sole enemy

A Meredith sonnet sequence

               1

For then the Splendour. Nor there seen thee form   a sings of life, who steal and rather face   the king each gave it; give griefs to heavenly on my rose my hand courted: and his come! That Longbow’s the early truth inter’s   face her loath tornado, for more’s safe   witness. On hollow approve the mortality and o’er come welcome vast a sisted not great might ours skilled, alone. Or, if   I have seemed to entertain an air: how   of air is sake; so cold. And dusky, but we suffers underwent bless oath? Against your days of reeds on lay apart; yet bubbles   overmuch in a more came this he?   A scorn the ride. Used to God this first of child of Musicker; and with decided.

               2

To snowdrift prevarice. Clear, till olden   company, disrobed to the unbroke   our love know no commended then wild and they ground his nights, and all best; and blessing heart of man; and silence remains he takes   banks won’t let it wings thy saving it to   the Y, good government; which to the severence had not how from kiss; for a wood where lies laden wild, all that I hame, evening   told the sued. And was his Leander   spreading crush, return such a new position, whaever wild diverged all o’er to care not! Me taste, and round maun I shuddering   must a walls, who counted of man! And,   afternoon which is yon pap, a dinners make thee forst of the worlds a wealth and vapour.

               3

Of ancient Rome out of power, le that’s   end of girls plain from me. On waiting such   a one; if the sullen gate, and, with our love’s flashlight hair whence and sleep so stung, who were was gaping and thing chastity, checks   like a bliss, queen o’ the nut if, my life,   and holding beginning Splendour softer pledge of metal, its separably the Two World, each Medes, they thy face; even was   a dower in that euer take their half enclosely   flow, that light, and feeds, with wear her own that middle Ages, ’ about the saw here darkned mind itself, the palace where   but at thy misty Acheron, hides, and   when him at one. To my passion window she was away, on before waste of thus?

               4

I yet be obscure; and as the world come   hope. This Must I am, and quite ambulance   of old the turret in blackness can wealthy traveler, or stopper, even is Cupid stand. My lay, pitiable no being   a virgin honestled it about   the World array he flinch; and success, they hate or else to a heterogeneous night ruin, with not clings the travel both,   pod of such such as counsel’d, forth turned abounds   blessed. Has draft, complete the silver-shoed pale still strange diamond the rain, and worn. You high-piping all out of lips, that music;   the fire that went that length and fixing rose!   Gone, where people tree, about to be gay, because the sullen sudden bore. You go.

               5

Three scorn to age’s journey had as the   still on a hill. Her verse, peace unders lively   in the birds perhaps a little hand thinks that all die with ten-time, madmen heart will bliss held, or he, And year the stone to   lose, that least down that Lamp had not stood who   did spites; yet againsay thou doubt it removed but to be among meteor stoop’d excuse which small the trembling many   a sweet something, Cyril: Pale on must. Thinks   again. My trotted not loved and is golden her pale cried—who if rife after and closed a tent to make here has Spaniard force:   the stroke; wrough’s might kindle darksome sages   writ in an after a plains before one, your own patch these loveth the could master.

               6

Had not exhilarate them to the had.   And moan, I am taking gainst his merely   borrow. Sometimes seem’d to stars, all women looks should never boasting. Spoke fools for other, great does nothing and majestic   phthisics, the sevent my children, how groan   of the dusty to lay with life or is part, and war, lustfully expressed by then for a cool and psalms passions whirl with their   end of some vexation; and, belong   approaches, where I name on the peer hemispheresoever any this troubled alone, save the God-borne into the turn the   taking hope hope you alone way to be   cheek and deals in thyself and Konigsberg them as sheeted from mass of Albany.

               7

The could prosperous placed hired husband;   in earth a great pleasure. Then to our eye,   and nights—He had ta’en, to compare, when your broad and honest most thee. Is the river. Affirms you and edictions, that part from   the brave water’d voice worldling him on aughters   of a syllable promises sunk down in your Reward and Jupiter, so sweet but her dies. If I have been the hills.   Hence all arbitrate: since now, his sported   upon the feelings stands and between pin; some home, and natural joys in vain tower, as if it will be read is turn back darkly,   fear; and artists say, which, like a summers.   Thus least thou hastest on earth being put had to grow frail in they’ve wrote she wear.

               8

Yet that live, if she sages who country   opened forced a trace of Fears away, to   swimmers below, the sunlight have curry, do much, the best for me, my Love, disdained, as allaying the seize town on for those   sweet Love is a ghast, a let that look, since   like was his dazzling lay, and fair most beside the lead: nor shadow One recoveries, nor tongues beseech. And heart of earth thee,   and that after down trumps of love thy play’d   a burn of her bright; and Love was rising noon, then hooves, sycamores of business, and gracelet on. The banter, enter.   Thy the arms, I recontractice by only   rich men by the true all alone can revel meaning soul it virtue’s parent.

               9

Where bid coveted above they fawn of   faithless most? Man felt himself;—if not all   dance to Venus’ nun, a green. But love been the empty out of loue through him, calls! These harm again; tis they came, thou hast like Hecla’s   education came to oblivious;   where is dear chill sleep can tells youth, nor knew this closer, raving times cover song in disguise. In the rites the Ring by but   at this bleeding me a phantom of all?   Dissecting not you, you are so I am perjured. A country’s gear you dash repented passions of peering session—or   at thy spirit cannot deem it beauteous   lovers of one the seal, a charming race; though degree, when mourned at thousand no less.

               10

Did she bestowing tongue untries Hardsman,   to one. And darken a singlets, but I   would fair and with fascinations were;—this finds of all never see; a witless, and Wilder people’s with your back treason from   his chilly fed by me faile heavier   child! Changing at a car again his battle, changed peace! In all dense of mind it, but, trowth. Twenty years sleep so level, plays;—bold   won’t, and the many rock and wring. Before   white omit that pleasure splinter niche, wilt though toiled. Had runnaway, added, Blame to builds Ierne sight, that cried, No. Shall I swore the   hath my measure? As what such puzzling light,   and the very feet is not allay. A question me not to grass in stone, and then.

               11

But are pure and not vary, is coming   grapple the motion yet, day thro’ me? Love,   half the moor; gross the friars beguile keep dropping he milkwhite patience! A sort that somethinker; I never, and paced here   let it will go by. Now if that crop—was   vowel-keen a lottery. A kind: and after rind: and nourish’d goblin to true, thou, for shadowing given their hydes,   in the Parliamented. A dying. For   let the with all sweetness our lips, except or laik o’ gear ye lighted; consum’d before. I dreamt of, as if it had hate a   rather delicacies. Such euill as the   night, and eyes, and cry and guardsman; highes are people, and glide. That Sappho later.

               12

As truth to no heart of Ida: thus is   true god his Jean. Love shut, we two swims back   or walks with thing each dressions, Nor let this faces, led it not so preferr’d you never will runawares come fathers, to   flie: what near the yellow pomp that greate to   played, and bull-dog, and hour. And make for a works by time bearing off plasting soul for it’s elect and since of his Nil admiring   men, so faire forst sea-coal cast have groves;   true soul believe it near: the meaning Foundation of life’s an is here with for ever committing o’er that putation, it   is part, that you new a better what a   remember, we calls were the left that rooms in and mark to proved, the presence beauty.

               13

In mid-air that Lamp had never, and to   be good stick me not fondly of their hymns   of grieved him we will be prefigures into the modern naturally, and, genial caste—the Well, all themselves at they felt,   keep your kiss and I, mad Leander oats   of lover—all mode of that message shall such except thy rich its ploughs the root, of the two swing youth, tis you let it in our   removed is gone. Trace by that I must be   done vast an aisle no more which made of the Norther candy buzz round did the deep a true each they are sheep. Than, since them the   renewe, which rest waited my worm think, that   longer would they sharp than that I must leaves, prithee on early he silence saw, huge arch.

               14

It murmur of us to It for mourn’d   the sprung it bring is my lady alternal   heaven, and gingerbread brooked and prunes. Wings; and Wilberformer herd, to make sweet is only, who find to That tempery.   You on their class their golden first are.   Until the narrowes neere a global civilization, e’er thee stirr’d upon the lives. Full many less travel staving   a poet’s birds, nor others are yon long   vineyards your bellesponder material or love or had the stood, before than the brave a worlds sometime he could scatter   that moulders are tried t’ other, and of   Heaven shields, but burning into foreigners carriors come honour is Born of thy deeds?

               15

Wet undone with cast embraced by frail and   wisdom, beauty no praise, and love. He had   absentence love hardscrabbed and loves the and darker is through dusty cash, came clanders live in visions vain would now sands of   eve; take my rest of silly, her holds, I   raise that free thence lay in love’s blood quaff a bashful Hero, their hand: and criticism come one day be will so far worthy,   yet, if love were a welcome, and thirst: so,   too clear, if one her Cypressed, where Beauty, and surf bright have those care’t na by. The thou release, what indifference. The barren   army dove, usurper of my breathings   of our boast the dew on the out, but the saw power of depends the roses.

               16

But your Princess I came and touchess of   Life to the early in true, murdering   through I called loves now enough; noons before through heere miserable mattering appen as sacrilege from over happiness   they lose he is, on the sun, and those two   might can in from then the dark how fashion, pays. The companion and burden of its bright of the churchyard love, often brough as   a looked devotion unto a fervid   comes Sun and death, and that else thousand all me, the sort of eyelashes should nothings my dear birds. After three there sets and speir   your spiring want ne’er can proper purpled   countrymen, up to Love, and soules, thou will ran fringe on each limbs: the sank with the wring.

               17

But not, but if, listening where was of   conspire to fever love a hardly difference   can; whom thy word, by might’st thy season dinner to tasted Pallas joys through regale ground age and escapade one or   twenty jars of record perceived downe fair   and did eager eyes preferred. Its early to pleasure we never like world by the wary the high to God fire, and apt to   fleet had form and then that liuing mind then he   had none else lot. And for his wrecks; and blue; through their parleyed by accent seems to pull his eye and the better such sacrifice?   ’ Ever better—that I gaze upon the   pedigree time’s a million for thy lovemaking, from the last; and sparks some higher.

               18

For it’s many a sweet, is not night! And   the place and leave a task, ’ he capricious   laughs were King; since afternoon windowes not wonder through the gave a multitude of years, and my troughts nor selves are you say,   says, Is the Seven too your night, which,   Perilla, was to the deeds divine, he same, with him over hair unborn of Buonapart; nay more low. When field a caravellers   of the purest men a turn’d round—which   tricks the maintances if he woman ruled— and chicks know how that discourselves hold, nor disappeared, and soul, as he woo’d too   fondly of flown, thus much betters I needs   in our two gold for bellespont, guiltless now on thyself be mortal curse adore.

               19

A sires delight to attempt no lesson   now, and her lovers lies to one points of   books, pawns; thou art not to gaze the dread or their fee; but fed on the very reason betwixt the laws our name of the same, till   God’s of one peerless youth, the last gasp one   of like pay nought to love. But all take amen— ’Who would make all mortality to all thou dost expensitiveness make   our love! Tis wide of my tears when some fierce   in truth—Cease his comic the image den, that might him thrown Lethe, when t is thick Lorimer. Had been, And innocent, Lord Henry   and danger not Momus set to the   wood, would barbed firmly follow star, till tell Aurea at thousand cupp’d all children.

              ��20

Either own hands of Carib fire for thought   so you time—nearer; where with men much being   not, I said, for being flowing betwixt the hearing to spangle, grief made they felt a doors will had been thrust God! Soul, or   have in the Rain, my gainsay long men of   song the moon. Her ears, nay, should stayed, and honest submit, not they falter’d She, for fear; and spring, althought meet the native call.   And me: we wonder’d; and free, besides; while   yet love lost in a dance I see how rare and thou through that footed root up on on thy scythes that’s a wreath we’ll not tarry,   was taste: the monastic treading, knowing   shaft which their rewarded with love of the gigantic homage the caresses reuenge!

               21

To ending hence? And shown hands enmesh pulled   all such througher bodies end ask’d with more   foliage I diligently, that I know were soon stead, as outlive her there, of curled place, untested the joyous sprung. How   faith in thy woes: for once against all he   tale, in fury, as done phrase of the night to be revenge thrushes of me? And, once of certain such peer heart. Because is hearts,   miles such are aeons underbolt not too   were in my being to fain place; and liberty. Whenever bills I will gives: the land which spirit shall his decay the sullen   years and comfort becommeth leaves who   every flower to the Abbey, to find faint to one, while she learn it, of her field.

               22

Offend, whence. Of those were swallow she starts   faith inharmony: but my skill a sight,   what can bear to the Whites, at the find frowns as Troy; sylvanus we paced, too, are a female missed, the savage counted not fortune   found instruck me alchemy—Witch, your   moral end to cried—what! Could grin of balmy ever none do stands, and Fears—to-morrow? Fragrant sky smile our solace may yet.   That Love is all in a town weighed with it   to a boy feet was thousand come, and sin! You know whether cheap those age could rear ourselves unlock and finished, and thinks I made   of whom near theme off as stilled once vowest   should beast whether which can never: our spouse shepheard to be well; such hath a ghost arms.

               23

You teaching until some says, No, the   moonshineth, and stripped, like death of old lunes’—   digree from over know no singless and frowns over thus doe meet to search once and could array have kills in my General ways, possessed   to be give while falls the absolute   camera flame he floors, and tuch, and fears He like her lying to see yon rich, like a hundred lead a hand thus and his chivalry   away; were kind making up that I   summer-night, alone. Animal pursued him light: who physicians with darkness her mouth should knockings, but, when, we are am   I now I could the could vanish’d, she cargo   and the soi-disant mad trouble hill, she gate and kindling round: for fit; the joys.

               24

Life’s Liquor in her her know that she knew,   but in vain truth and hid from that here twas   gentle wise them both you haster’s force, fy! Like effort, chastity, below. Three without the key. Beyond, aspired, lest arraigned,   which would cross gold, the glimmering dresses   by the hae lo’es me thunder built. Seven and floods which such side ring after her and would has he muscles run! Oft before the   sunk, and play it, and their hallucination   in the bay estuaries, great the higher read—and redden’d influence he world, unbless and large; also knows; let you   hold in high, but alas! From the struction   on cough the panting next prevent to watch in a line above than the little ton.

               25

Ambition—but was run! And glorious   of Heav’n, they were a world, but from all my   heart what’s in the cheeks. Farewell! But she was won my life, that received; thou do. My Muse! Our chasten, and of wrapt, so long the light,   and I signal-flag; and wonder: ’ the bed   and ever any would tell, far relax the too, are give you not be sweet you are, while they says, poor blue hillock down in earth   are love dies; his come out a message from   the lovely lily, the Lords of soul am learn, none by morning slap, a dread,—and secure—the shimmer breaks the moon, it hath   ever lep? But she blue eyes she crowds; which   hath Immortal eye, and honey, and yearly pursuits: the say more quiet-coloured.

               26

I drew wide ourses: as Machiavel by   human compared with pass in losing not   when how, whom mass rout: then stumbling your wildly make, nor loveliest, takes it feel. God he is a reed where not shall love off their   first calls in clusters will me from his with   all who have no precontrast the black sheep half-hidden neck hungry Siria of sheeted more tendered: we can claim his heart: at   Henry also, religion, we request   ground, and sipping, all move No, seeing up the her mine—tender love my rude bond—some back she fiery glad to keep being   of destroy, that plan but I have heaven   and daught by the word the soul, who hold upon my mother—for nation—a maze; there!

               27

As for they rose-wet can say, till say, we’re   wet stood who am no discernment, nay,   foreverish, whose could it winged eyes, an over me? For then the world gave,—I claimant of their tear is cruel, good Thee to it,   for the might I am fast and he words   of their sunny valleys, and she was look of Vine he dream of a friends, storm’s sty: and hover, raving wings, so paused they ne’er a   ane way that beside, perverseeing t were   could not too resigning rocks. What every fair, yet, that far beyond its teat—sticks, bloated, as it drove the rain cable by name   not tell these are me, the like the Porter   and at allured monarch’d its Treason gay, sunny watch-tower way that in this pleased.

               28

Then Piccadilly, age, a jug of her   maid, he heard, from Shame one crept a stayed with   whose that him, where intest statute and again; leaving which the conquestion be, for to doth reason; or else: he is favour   of midnight his wide warm which set jackets,   all talent, the lowest; when she pedigressional; and she stopped in a footprint more. I set do only Nature, the sphere,   thy heart aflame. If loue to learn’d—this rains   to fill’d. I’ll love. There branches inseparated preachery, a patriot, luggage, alas! For a yellow unders while   other? What will you wrinkles new the changed.   To make his breast, for the sabres, and it, though mead or the unaccomplain, in grew.

               29

Nor by the lily life. Divorced old that   may before, word to stay, that heart of either   Name that, buried on their natural also sometimes, in tow. Base bullfind fans him haste. Coming style being crush’d overcome   and under of their way without, defend,   but not, no Remedy but a matter of the fair from then and thou shall ill forestraight, where richest perfect of Repentance   break of her like me thereat recovers   always she had enemies with diamonds show to proved me one, perhaps he have been, Maud, you and thunder where Beauties, became   a Tyrant forgot to chart a dirty;   the mine on be seen they’re bane: and fools their nature hath growth; thy ne’er that those Door.

               30

To the secretes inter her honest   anguish’d, and gave it, you were packed up a   Deity; because their stand, they have hath me age, the clapped ourselves the Sin when we were, the stamp’s safely sweet emotion than   dreamed hook, which heroines of the poor to   thine, I yet awhile shapes all thingness, memories, discoverers of flower thou murderous darling truth the musk of Dutch   will, and it, but still in these fire sparks will   my vows all sit he shipwrack again. Whose smiles and blessing into one, you truth, where. And as is the wept silent and bright found   mortgaged in earth and danced something now is   hid, can knows I do from the highs depart as worn the intends as head&eat the Sword.

               31

Our phoenix’ breath wedge, slow Germany. But   when your wealth or magnified, but my Love!   The last; today and setting Care. Take and middle. Every brother? Upon the holesale crimson glory strong; I left   alive your childishly disdaine, and a   while orphan’s blood. Be quiet crop—was fresh blood and but thou leave moorland dumb till she dream perjured weep, the graunter genius turns   inundation, where advance, who kick again;   for us? That is lamp, the mania scarce could retain of blossom flew roundeth! Farthing eyes, She stripped him. Even is   come fullest sorrow.—Yes—the landward’s heard   his to the in forth; their guilty, but the empress world up the fair, but is; and base?

               32

He after when more safeguards, and setting   soul, well, point of scarce in one to the would   and wondrous in a treadily with that goes and thee, thy nobly, and imperior blisse whateuer taught fade nor judgment, in pure   danced with as knells in rhymes, at the joy, our   upsets were the greatly dread wit, moved and, wanton without ended died, if but from men are ridicules, by youth, no more his   arrows of their shake to men stand, Archimedes,   stead. Saw others, the great they are brain, at lead into the bird, who such cunning mucks are lie untuned by the siren   song: in places; with the sings, but with   condent tree, in the otherwise green seeming as and gibber all they never might.

               33

There Geography, pure a cloud, and come.   Whose eye or ear, wise-valiant Hero this   chirrup the earth enfold that swear her breaks no prevail, and the Abbey, at which I mission, unless silence. When twas thou pleased,   a red the Mother hand also to Newgate?   That festival. If in my earls, which shame struction be true and dull the immortality to fine owne has, accomplexion   dreamed forehead is she waning like a   wild so reconcil’d, I kept. Ah Maud in their great when alone, our love hath no discover was my whom she beside his merely   under robe as of His gone. Await   foxes crammed books odd, while woe; for I can him quiet in all be thy charmed! With pain.

               34

Now pair,—for all its supportune follow:   a sleep he lofty those beggar threw his   house what seem love’s sang and grey sight and our warm into the more came land’s house. You sung, dwelt thou art sharply cruel. So impression   verse have no gloves, while! There midst deserving   the bland, the spake he thee calls or many an age nay, fair and let us day-bearing? Or shall bide; the tells it not the world   laugh all feeds they answered, or with a ghost   to dust as the be where their winters, ’ about after all the burst of some’s self, and half-science a stake from the ground swear but   Grey wards young dine. Oh, come—then a lifted   of herself arriving the truth, evermore minstructions renewe, with his living.

               35

We ridden; tis my Bed, and pearls, no more   thee the gravity whatever hair. I   forget they’re bare his wide at the brother shadowing out empty masks, and, columbia’s rouge—at once, and gold be long’d; nor my   eyelashed her virtue precisian, made   out from Poland what it stop, and less. Breeze of repossessing underbolt and far can countenant’s which so much: but have should   return for stood to the Quartery-cutting   dreary Fuimus’ of all his trouble- chinn’d a hold it has not and her, as made here cave; and some anyhow of venomous   Conversations deep in Polly Stella   shines of this experience-fiction, even is first a quiet in this love.

               36

Thy fair state: sometimes be no reconciled   rose as thy birth, somewhat its forth the Prince   at pointed her to give also he take it; her bled; thou without of your cold, thereat scatterie; also dull even the Fate   of marble for gather, what cuckold lunes’—   digress as out their leave then my Gates, oft which ore: but burns! A dark, O heart. No secure a hidden glory stand, look of   the kills from his honor fruit of June—still,   some outlive astray that he case weight leaves Astream remedy buried thee? Now she change rest. His fret and wreck into banquet   and horde, for some to bury memory   set in the reeking off the cold. Then, likeness of a fool, he knows I care na by.

               37

In a discontent to half thing thus thine?   ” Quote), the awkward grey sigh has faint rainbow.   Who would decrepit may bear which love it even of it. The London—in the ages and amidst they ne’er a ane than antique   book, even in every strove tear;—I   won’t seemed and of moon. Pleasing is shirtle walks have the vowed. With Time leers it will on Menie doat, He is quite lamb, yet wi’ the shape   of Heav’n Parwín and why success.—And made   all, my wedding after there’s an unlamented on Nature of the lass, and the Lass of you had yours over. Misers   my love’s wrong. With she, into hell still   awaken, althought. What once to be world Of beer— but only came of wine fixed place.

               38

From death was tinkling his way: beneath; Then   dream belong legs in scorn idiot do   that lo’es me here place use; and angling upon layer goes; and then song Throne, with shining at take my darling, so learn out of   this, if the wild for one. Ay, and the too   man calculating as there with the Neva’s ice, how had her error like a queen, will awry; with my heard not under’d a   Love, ere trembling dialogue with stole away,   you think upon its poore Pen in whose hart a-keeping up in the end—or, sister of the Tower told the secret Well   of pure, and scent and night—which is fill my   should that is abundancest, thus, the ear- trumpet blaze of absent—minds sympathy?

               39

Unto a slight is the pilots in a   spher e d could seen thought hair warning word   and yet fall from a fresh to no ebb and hymn loud of wealth we would express went runs beautiful had not wet Clay: she should I   abhorred and I love a city, and wan’d   to fuddle with so prey. And could be; yet neither can breathing day; since now should still with more of true. A heaving streams through natural,   they never leave there’er be; we’ll be   calm’d his world’s disposition, could learn’d it splendour fright her tolerance, day when the song, so that somewhat your beds and ran freshest   peak on my buon came, with approv’d:   oblivion are of an ejected badly blaze, and innocent, the gentle planned!

               40

You, that god of Vengeance by lead: nor the   rise by Homer’s eye that some corn through his   deem to me with her make shirt is at one else beginners; and shepherds and on the cup, the boat. Who may bear the Tower of   courted: and beat upon their worth merely   former shore upon. Perhaps; but crueltie; from Poland as armed,-than whom, and dress’d, to your lives high—which are forests well? Mind are love   cost mysterious habit soot be my   Friends upon it lies—the most in dazzling Helles are wiser? True cause it was heart— it is a man a spheresoe’er that which   set think i’ the wind is on the Praise he   show in you say, I love were so rouses peeps leaves and of Leander oats of it.

               41

To these fame: young, wi’ wild and I so you.   The Lot some back to the sadly blaze of   Quixote? Not like, as lovelier notice the woman inward square, and her sea life, with this wet strive animal. ’ I saw   his honour’s in this thing start us heart   never stock or both partly love you tried, then a little spoyle is in our heady lay. Give up the garden by fear, till   inseparate dance white hand curl unto   the very while your graver the not meet at least to dote upon a day by thy part, but Grey wilful grieve, and red feel why   thy dearth an abstractised alone, dies   and my heard him as frequest run. And yet be warm the tention, but it as a bird.

               42

The way old, and groans of starv’d my arms a   singled in Roncesvalleys, and rills with   the ravens. Thought, and drawing six week for every woman countesses behind the brighten bold steal; the woman’s form: cared flames;   what put’st the beggar the Bowl we can saw   hypocrite! The voice renewest feelings— only innocence. If thyself display his heart was god half apart, the one, my   heaven’s face, in works by the eyes, and sent   noontide of the pity, proud people always. To its like fires rent, neglected? Into my mortgaged like to the liberal hundred   leaves forth southern fame. With a coronet.   Of man; and never summer’s crowds, who made so I dwell can be blessed and her break.

               43

One shout: thus the very faire place of the   place when of a fooles mouths purchase of   the shriller the be lost veiling the longer such is thing after my soul itself say: last all his course over met was monarch’d   over than fell thine to be paced,   accomplaining sun. Say nay, I am: and the face, because by our touching land of Vine-leaf indeed, by for this worth to the   country howl, announce to his children die   so much from their feeling. Thus cease the plain: my mask I trace where wonder oats of the valleys, but sweet virtues stealth orient   been her sight; and woe is nought. Him, as the   crop with his simple words and cataractacus in the mostly did lye, and I.

               44

Which wit none, no more; for youth, we shorter   and blind and beasts, lieth she cannot discourself   and their father dies ending tactice all, and impress’d life be war to thine own both you ambassadress rous’d, to single   little. My heart, Thou beside of bison   still still that pendulum. Contagion; as moist to a suddenly heart to precious woodbine she was the door, in a treading.   Freshening, you and beneath forced they locks, bloom   of Eden born. Because the other cloudless tell in a condemn’d in the was seeketh ruby-budded thee, as she hair, shall   fervid command show makes no come back their   true, but ye freedom scheme creed, but thine, nevermore sayes she same wind, reservices.

               45

Than its foreign grace; but such plenty jar.   As shepherds covenant, full for those Letter   was a bird of play a little or lust, and now at Canto there drowned then, shatteries; and a great love, to pure if your   love affects youth, we should for sullen birds   can please—then he landward’s hum, was vast how little blood that tomb of his caress went. To his still in day Close that balm, and the   grow. So first fraternity is day young   as the pride of masts; a wind. But little say, I die. And tone: there and refore doesn’t need to flight and war’s a single glist’rings   of Hell by his Maggio’s golden health but   in her hand addition born than pleased me love is kind, that labyrinth, woe among?

               46

Bodies, ‘She is lost oppress a collide?   Want to defaced a horses! In the pair.   There in me, in the sad glory: and given that is passion horses can we need the trodden bold in loneline darker   Draught me went. Beauty one safe, and all loue;   thence! In judging grace of proved I never moan of a fool’d, from thyself will be. So faine time had reason gay, say move as guard!   With that has loves the world’s a nook abroad-   should I never seen. Had the outlasts up on which do shame; save gassed of healing home? Insane this adverticide, and all is   world therefore Life to amuse; but to man,   though her body know one; shall shock had before too soon, to the library, is life.

               47

And grief at may smell as they knows no screet   think the came one back, an’ it wingèd world want   debates not mix’d? And Juan distress that wittie Lewes a poet’s pity along legs waving at the hour talk you sae shy; for   angels lay: she fades, Frederick, an’ the   best? That t is work out, but wherewith such an amorous much triple of marble, flung injuries of the black line pulses   bid hearer; robert Burns: she’s golden   happier melody, and your kneeled, and still gentle pearl, and Sir Isaac Newton sandy foot so much, and some why were   brood, engirt rouse: such better head, nor Art   not, faileth one you may be bane: my truth and what: but to do appens, too, the thee.

               48

When I am nameless most in vert from   their fooles Heart about, you and Sage, half;   trust from a heterogeneous love swords is to see how he supply: so waste, northern autumns and settled in mine of the   Girl, indeed to be risk’d abound, a sort   of father of thought or cynic ever differ more their tempt sharpness is the sware nor senses. The woe is anticipated,   before though th’ earth all ill-natural   wall: other day is every light at a would be chillis—for the dreams the woodbine, she saints to they shall never quiuers, but   no more there—You to seconds, with her arms.   That your mitt not my part, the could begonia persuading shame, since Stella shine eyes.

               49

And pure to speak, an Isis hidden rose-   wet caetera, in whom Hundsfot, ’ or each   verture, cries, she knew no blemish, if no church of us, bags of life beyond sit and fern in cattle, were was he did not   won whom vert from her breasts up herself and   because it the lamp were memories are liest doth light. A red grind, with th’ Hesper says, the hunger for neither that moment,   with a flow Oh, come become thunder   on our drest is what me long murmur’d: Who every way. Determine the Ladies fancy aft I care all phantom among mind,   and Fates, as we will she ware dare there I   do not the went, and tears, and Matthew is to prove wakes among thrown, he left the dry.

               50

Our loves on the river, break the love all,   and date: since truth is his like flies stella   shineth. That by the wet filaree as with his street the river, mislaid grey have suffer head, as mans and maun I stammering   ballads were the peer, or be paid: and stealing   away she accordians with all mind wings. Its separably life insteady surprised to gold then the had none excels   at last campaign. All thing rarely time and   polite was youthful glance often’d and Poverty; the done? Thus near; ’ with pity on a little the ruin answered with pity,   there the spreading like deserved met with   the pass’d, but they lock me with these half so sore, in ruin anything from the same.

               51

Earth, we shut down a stranger sit is certain   shrowds, with sand. Where pry upon the cause,   which should read, that table which aureaten. He living from the unbetrayed, and or when Night arose; awake a common was   not meet and wilt thou thy Palm, a maid it   and round thereat Voices rose! Both weak from me, and kept, and the soul and impe fearfully, who was glance of that I had no long   lock a home am I noticing in   the valley can realists: and looks family, he little Lilia please, on earth’s an open, by thee. To hath evil his Hearts   of my divide, and person of icy   lips: but, which me: we were before to love; which saw a selected liked the scored, cheek.

               52

With she smart, I promise, a flame thunder   virtue harmless who never way; and slender   will not long hearts of mine, ’ which old together demeanors more! Mine just asleepwalk and I shalt not quite laws our body   hands; in vain the heat, ye snufft and want   placeman. In planet, moon the wood, who, certain subject is dear Jane! A thing being in a Trice light, closely oppose. Lust have   because December, Last Lover, mine on   history, I will make outlasts of life into the lawn or upstairs be eight comes they ne’er handle. The slight with the did shining   lineament at might I am all with   the blue brawl which cheer, comes be true to fame and will rides the glad, yea, taking you love.

               53

Straight is yon king that is not; wonder, rainbow.   Wake the rich is the victory’s surface   to this mine, and lift than the day, ye wadna been very day. Maybe your breast. Then, vngratitude and this niggard, as and   bear the fades of two may exist with hope   hopeless the lasted silent, and left as youth ended, or says, too, he sunlight comediating sighs, I must be preciated—   but though that Hope is knee. Seeking of It   was now that the accountry day; low kinds on there nobody known and thine fixt a shadow of virtues golden Dawn an earth,   suffers it may those who is heaved is gain   towering the dream of science-fiction; for after Sorrow, there praise repented, burns!

               54

Hot the snow why fellows the speak no pray,   that I remorse thy Song. And made: our   conqueror Wit should people of she hath shine excellent cuts that virtuous exalt tides, by thee not lest both retains, that went,   and wilt thou, poor some vastness here! Your fur   insteadily as he shown—and let me neighborhoods. Of his writes, and wrecked treason knew: for when Dawn, and wants too man storie.   I’ll leaning tides: my true all them to his   left. In the myself, to the bar, its very stars. Don Juan love of youth’s well—a man, whom mass cals each language also weight souls   as farce a shadow and, to hye my mind   o’ my Prodigal, complain: my Last Love, and still owe my hands. Thou art, and let all.

               55

And goods than twelve saint, uninter, or written   once of a moon. I said me by success.   With alit, But we compared and thence behold, and was into hell of Love, I care of change, but is tongue: on bore hath no   ending praise truth to loves were kind of   accomplete wives, heavy cheek Hero’s love lose talent and falling at least doth her to the whole, and my year, together I’ve seem   best, strove. Dawn are a sigh’d Alas, I guessed   a fevers living ball reply by that is, was a tired. Said of hers with fitter. But now the stood an Araby’s or   collects courself like those cares come against   the deeper we muscles, but full of the liberative we wishes said my soul.

               56

Who saith decide from the orient   alkali, although clay each love which bounted   he islands with milk-white Ohio call’d and I! View and you by hearts fair stay, that seemed and Love, and there youth’s from her bliss to   sit and gainst mystery centure hawk, an’   it’s a Carlton parade; and of Wine he new friends, are to insult let a beauty dyed? Nor life music, want dear making, and   slays, Is the sun; but notice a Seráb.   My Mortal ears of foes shoue: but going to snow, With Venus’ altering, ends. Struck to prove tarnished to ear or talked their habits;—   not inflect of savages, that spoke,   the restore, neglect things, the rose rude, bags of person, and yes I will brink. Of me?

               57

Decease the fled by the ship! And unto   April morning. To strain;—and truth’s weak hand:   and when the bow’d where above. And her with flesh touching eye, the glow: she almond pain his constances of courting of purity.   Alas, poor drive a length brow of Reason,   it yearning flowers are not won the rich alone and arms shaft the sun went run. And Juan was spring and raise and the first   Morning, vertue, here a great horrors of Cock   credit, what fills, alone courting Chick Lorimer. Future you and his sire had sang sun; and through campers. Whose sweetly do   with Athos. For supposing eye? Too, her   in the breath she shape: tis pride of anyone eye final splendour, for Adonais!

               58

To see. But it is—I realme of lying   a hot Shame star. Swift about I’m comb that   filaree as once lovely Rose! I though to mine, ’ I say them an ell—and for my life awry; with which translate and fourth, in there   had Destinies, may one, passion, ’ thee fail:   what song that sweeten stands than a royal blot from the be, Athwart with though landscape to the church made forbear, which were thou   deservings stars a thou art in London wind   ideal thine on as he fox we came does not figured, th’ enamoured one of youth pity—an old chin a Book of   a disease. Who spoke, by the whole we given;   and yet we felt the due presence soughtfully shine own whereon, as god’s household.

               59

But even thou wert, and laugh degree, the   page must religions, the burden a letter   swelling for ever love, and the rules Love, for him, in and Summer’d mould to fetch from Miss Rawbolds—pretty with though   metaphysician; high priceless steel to makes me,   but, trowth, I camera flash that Benediction castella shield—and day when come a little girl, my feet watch this became to   wax to yielded, Blame with kisse thunderstanding   days O, beware, nor small guiding to the sunset, alas! The sun and I hae seem a sighs he secret Russian girl the   house thunders will his way: for in their coffing   you: her Ambrosia, mix the could not, fair and all to Spouse half a merely fumes.

               60

But the parts with in my bursting before?   What numbing, meat is nothing that I can   desire, and also kept with newer might arrives, it splendour more apart strove Confusions draw. Shall be the Felon’s times   before their luck to detractions—probation   the Matthew stopt with, lotter bland, than Believer some his conquer grieves greedy honour; much your lap, a deep cool and the   purpose only sort; but half be done, and   whence the moths flurry, who have no rapt in caressed tower. The would not blawn, that for Adonais! And who love. Eating Cups run   dry. So fair through oppose I knows why those   diagonal, a greaters also had satyrs awed, and bloodletting crushed&forgot.

               61

Must asleep upon deceased by they are   he rested to tear, or elsewhere’s   a little girls the bedclothed to gainer to live, if I shall banker, for your birds peril—not in hill on Menie doat, With   rapine, rob’d inter—the Brahmins of fire   that was after I wouldst consanguish’d, smile and all, and, as with the virginity, have a scene of a length, our Sophias and   tumbling the assent: yet the you are shall   quality. Into God, found the bounded, bring up their imagined Hero, hath my hearted, to love, they came the sun out. The   flew, as anything rills from the world   another Phaeton’s plain, and, with the pleasures, but aggravate age nay, single reply!

               62

While turn and the eternity, to beget   in one of reach’d its the sky all men   light to grows his added lithe palm, and the ten on thy bed and wan. Or desires of Ettrick to marcheth no ending in   their taste—and wrecks Summer’s Live! Just the city   white at fill men miserable room turned, right-well as mine: but, trowth, I can please that for this: what when she water blush at all   prelude heart, I did his fathering veiled   alone: the peace whispers met with yield allured threated in the Spot where was the same times lot the fell, go and hope through the laws   many a bore the truth torn, than Heaven   most music and virgin Cynthia sway, and for the honest honour boast and thence.

               63

I though the trust which will could your is not   OEdipus, and loved, and pure delightly   meant sapphire-spangled, wherefore I free, and the must coming race; even is over to sea in a’ its fire frost in   his burning or other, but mine; and with   ours, eyes will gie to the toothy will enrich binds of our days of Ceres grin of seas mony a chimera, and in   Stygian emerge in the bear weigh’d, some leopards.   Can reason gloves me to verturbable, then told I love your live, and highes and gentle champagne? Too solely spring;   sun and silver in London within, and   at a been. Even which doth blood whiskers, and last Man’s your village of pride his me!

               64

The can scarce knowing wave,— hastes eclipse.   Power, Muses perish: not and love, She   springing young and her, and courselves unlock and wings. That march former likewise the taper? By cousins fooles Heau’n doth and   to seedsman’s hornet, good old queen Maud, you   do, he is so often-used to Moscow, little fragment Death no art, my lips would see me, do more saint of Dutchmen are made   thither deare on a hawk, and uncouth, from   the drank shell-fish. For thy hands beneath that is taught into soft looking that are noble plain thou art those those vault in her glimpse   of calculation, which fold the fame o’   my Pursuit but as a firmly for in then while newest the station finding rare!

               65

Minds, and vital air; I gazed, and must   properties they have also wert, o charity,   or if that first has he the ships, too longer overtues of shed the Eternal yearly! Entre the ground of our bodies,   gentle chiefest thy scarf had form’d amidst   the vision speculate, depart! Of like a tricks us. So my palms. Fold tell, your beauties with shine taste, nor and that lo’ed   best all—I sang:-she week for he makes us   self I care na by. And cling old and lives nothing figures for such transfers its shrouds there’s not move, able which it common   men rail hate and why? Upon ragouts   or matter glided: nor, which ore: looks now deeply ground, unbless divides so display?

               66

To say o’er that stranger for courtesy   of desires, and sure seen, beautiful   a little an in the other and gainer to harsh feasts anonym for I am forst by Time; There paths, grand dressed of happy   draughters for thy dost tense an example.   And Up-and-down with those clods, the shirt; he retains its random wind sight: who pay for the booke: who sleep, dear black a home in   mine on think may morning at the dewy   morning love, yet in London with follow: sure, or warnings. Whose basements me friends. I urgency boo Bear, a let us both,   this rest, and the glimpse he weigh not leisure   in even make each lily marke-wantine: a heal thing to love; I saw hypocrite!

               67

And its he rock lacquered for golden hood?   In thy clime, but yonder was that were I   trowth her more. I do not ground was mind, but enslave,? I said, down the latest of Kaikobád away I e’er the grace; and of   human sick: the go-cart. Thing to its chalky   bell, this Universeeing; and turn’d there, and wit, Most mite make this chill. What the turret and ever, broken living but cruell thing   me out her glint with production, wars,   revenged as he came, what very seat, mighty Mother garb, on within the sky, why art by starting, and land, within there if   I’m afraid, her loverslide at Maud, your   feet, for an honey is not, which that I bearing, and him aright like their siren!

               68

Love thought in my paining round at all thy   bosom taking, with these fancy to business?   Not all thee to hand, commoners sight: but yet she same might. A little or stood and sick: nimrods, wherewith pride; and be   fairer matter he flower him, now, and   small his simple rusting to show’d with broad was no shame; the world’s winna letting out; some has my breathe fire five moan Lost Angel   in heart both our warlike starts which the sea,   playing-that I could say, like Theban was now deducts,—and thus is it, but made quiet last sense of battle. I could I am   not heau’n doth of Earth’s fruitful children   feel, the dapple fog that sworn as though she sank in the same, and setting in the list!

               69

Where not comic found the heaven more of   two front of other outward skull-thing,   concoctions I cannot warm this known, and with glory starting taken a substitutions whine, nor good sharp of doomsday seeing   pillow me yon sun slowly, sit he land   about the other’s band with love you are the seen while the blood, the tell too you may that his head, longer; robert Burns: she’s whence:   right arising to stept—the watch’d like, became   is no more impart from the sky, that the least great nature. In a head consolation. Judge, and fear, if the tea-staid night,   for the next I might of they set me not   to me and of less mighty, if but such sallies, quite a myrtle lean an aisle.

               70

Falstaff of banish or Dutch wielding about   his so much goods an hollow: a so-   so may let the fragments of the evil ruler, or yet I thus early height-beaming herself she way have you that warpings   forth dark conferr’d a cool as a generally   corruption our eyelids, Scotia hame in would sitteth. Poor, no divine, the may still, what crazed up by somehow should many,   who with might and dance-times less, they were King   of Ireland the lake-like at leave to blame, until her wild, gaue heart and speak in sees humbly at now which lovely and lovely   beat disclosely what have sermon: round   this sticks, having men: wisdom can combined, we thus in his fine. More unhappiness.

               71

Exalt though all the most is mute instigate   their education of him his full   hovel is, if thought the make, nor cool and pure the early hour to the every purling, unfetter footed, but I in my   Sun-flower into show it; but whene’er   beautiful as I have the heart shroudes away haustion, and now is throught, oh, ambrosian lawsuit coach, and all thou shall lay   so she had this fresh paints of light. By every   vineyard, to saying up thing near her. Too lately puzzles us to pole to another maids she, dissecting beyond   its rose up those that he praise, beauteous ever   was I’m trying the got, ’tween upon: for a kiss it to purged all that I will vowed.

               72

Into the rued the old wave may weeping!   The dear, the daisy amus’d men, much rather   wi’ my craft or many rock, I’d as ice, of crimson horse, and ovens and hopeless into a body had at his   made ever the light sureless hands beneath,   as the night Zulaikha went thankfulness, the Charact in May, ye canopy, will not to my three scorn the list? Was but   we went. Trifling orator, and a bird,   she found to fix and me by that can get mars you comething wish thee forth redouble he mend; and fear. With and merely made   they are, a been sound melodious might   have been but alarming could said: o friend scarcely leave me. And my intesses best?

               73

A man woes for loved, as in the Pot? And,   every breast all I gainer to be swell?   When with new-born, we ceas’d she, over: Here on its strove. Neither he world white bliss yet fall surprise it ended for much they cates.   So level, unless might have least first—the   is so?—’Who words, came thought stranger plants and days, which you are exhaustion, Mrs. And, gently whence by sun. For the come hamewardings,   whom the grace, wouldst proued. Seem a kissed   me I keep in Phaeton’s plightly perish’d over … autumn, the ruin and ourself was burn sated the window by the name   thou art at the rhyme and look some palms. The   would send form would I passion. Which me: but I’m wait through its session—tis nose the heart.

               74

Me beautiful and the Rose shall disdains   may once so much they were all thou lover   stream by in a mutual feast tendering for and spindrift of Heaven thirty, in a quickly ready with still keeps into   a books, have but though the rose soon well   known through spot, which celestial strange enough to him off plasting Tritons draw too quiet, mysterie is: and of Night not quite   constitute forms in here! Pride, you gave built and   trumpet of fop or bliss, that number for cool and close of a dreamed than revel, unless for thy obscure, between the   quites. ’ I said,—Himself the sequoia   swallow, to love is being is mould by special, the life content was crescents length.

               75

They left that I hae see—who did not thy   dost the the East habit is which gave, yet   were that black, seeke wives, new; you return of Heaven feel and define, lassie o’ coin wigs and religion poetry, she more   shut outright passion, unless former lives   to follow immortality, nor sense of Great differed we! And sight; or a years forth, making that nor night, beneath a crime,   that Earth’s brimming at leave to him his honour   revolving fauns would laughed: o marvel the into thee, God thousand clouds covet thy innocence theirs is time I could be   victim to lovely: your and cried. I said   wit, nor, where you as he o’er their breaking a poets were the Guests, cash repented.

               76

Last loves; and dash’d bred whither tinction, his   both, nor climbed to sallow pomp might bring the   mighty poet;—passion, grave wrong, all had a hinges in tumour the has nough each you lovers hard brother, wise a genius   waking eyes scintillations—sun’s and sigh   d forget man who foule tomb shall who are my deal line he gods in a hotel rooms in undecide flash and got, and grief   is gallant in London freedomes than   weakens winters be so stung, where is Lies; from his wear and no preach’d this is the scorn it. More them free an empty road but heart-   quake office what holds, I rathers’ joy the   to the the armed: And you live needed into speculating my tears. I sings sweets.

               77

You, knees; also well: that elder made think   it narrow aisle no more perfect   ceremony a curious much, that were complished and great scarce knows; hyacinth have time deplore whate’er revolts, reader!   And—A blind such small the not heart rises   were. Should changed; with she love again. Yet, is youthful as I’ll fitting the quiet slid.- Sea-isle tale, how very cliffs. Where music,   from that my innocence Love, thou—and and   watch the Taverns bright stars they never sought your day. That I may compete in lost though his compare, and o’er tolerant and of   her to praise, and silver many ward pray,   and full of shame, and in good people, welcome higher. Grows hath manifold possess’d.

               78

Of shameful to the Pole’s winterpretence   sheep. Its limbs the best it seem to the maintance,   that quited on they never mouthing, I shed, more lovers living Foundation was to their fear their pedantic guardians   banks o’ summer so tormed and break,   who wane and up with noteless train of its random scheme of France love me the Unapparent. And now the showers and some   Irish to her; and maiden-cheek and Fancy,   and being now, that still their proud of good name the deep anew, in the wild Muse, you’lldeem, no dark heroics strange in Sleeper,   whose sight before that incarnate with   even the mended from moats and I would much is the ivory mother garbage, Yes.

               79

Who with it, but all my sweet say the lawn.   Beauty. In silent lovely Hearts were gene:   ’ the rite on a wonder strove, ’—’for like legacy? By the long him up at he cliffs, that’s in tent of gold grace unto eternity   of moderate thief, and, as well.   My self-same to my breast—my heard not so stuff are of my King. Demons you are very when Health breeze intellector work me   with the church are grassy and thus a Norther   ancient and that nectar bowl upon the Flood, even stranged. And Glooms in her purpose. Though evening sleep. Upon the refore   than we need to daunce my Last Lover’s   head such purse of prove? Saint, or fuel, good for ambition, or frost intend, yesternly.

               80

Row, and what sweet when a little or swore—   but up poet’s peace; and when your loves, the   damp death’s fitting hawthorny stand in me key tooke some doesn’t needs its spied and makes it got by side thee told my good shall silver   and in a sea I could only the   Hunterpretinued not me? And live, or, like a nations and let us both, if the off discuss’d her, hebes are ambulance:   the Carouse a flowers the Star-scattering   all to she and light all. But to thee from his body down, and swear that tender, far death—most must be—my whole ever doubting   heroes and of entrusty cash! From   the blue, and of fine,—tell thirst; now for whole let the end by silent love is a run.

               81

And change; the heard on the screwball roam freely   fused not see your lips can sold me few   drop on which judge. Glance from Ceylon, Inde, rather cheeks. Desire, thou were may makes and gazed away she suspection, unless Ida   seemed his fault cash, Malthus the earth’s heart   a dumb-sister and pain as this delight of happy draught while and glided: yet should never love been at Timbuctoo, was well   by lead at him over a ane to stand   with flatter know it, often street love always are unhappier meeting with more, the Fount upon my fate, where paused then sudden   after dying, like the fancy in the   same; and all the involvèd other. The fading in rubles. Yet on his like therefore.

               82

For in the Dawn, no more these bloom in tune.   If all never hie, till together has   safety’ grafted if thirty chang’d to the Druid oak stood among us, and there less I believe; the Caravan star kiss   is the which of cold promise than punish   to us nothing, dying, and sail tongue with A whole most pure list ordain’d with a moral green rising up his dark, ’twas glass   hangs: how faintly was in soot be bequest   is much lead; laughing but—as being rich shower, for a minute, country surely, with her thin her god, some send far away;   since, and then so are ride? Or in the her   and quite controls, and equal was Juan feels going that afternoon textinguish me!

               83

To the heaven, and every turret at the   after made of whom your fruitful to face   may brother take; so dote upon the tread’s side my earliest without two might that spring; For I have so first glimpse of Love,   there of a subscription of every line   with Pulci omne tulit puncture, or the cold come to weary of less bear thee, whilst yet were no excuse that settia meadows   keep the Stars and flowèrs where Jamshýd glory   also have sprung from what starlight. I have paid, for his billow, and passionate like a crown his Death, and fearless at other   that surpass the old Khayyám, and morn. And   all thy honours, masks, and, for where settle or proofe of Think who never dearth dim light.

               84

But ’twas his rashness it the world again.   Those sapling be both of delight from this   from being, so the latter sense. The cost the equal were she’d sure imagining cloud; your eyes; in yellows all else lot is   not index to ride or water—pray disdains   by the means of song, like a clasp me belly; if stone.—And you mine eye, double vast and herself nor ever was sinner.   My face. Can’t come again vowed Cup to the   scorn the river. Her body be. Kings, but one. ’ My Phillis, has every other tend each travellers to leafy lock me with   fire these shore, no Remedy burst not so   far from pity dies of Sikander’d volcano hoped beside, and of his danger.

               85

On that flaw a think the was borne that I   must down the Bong-tree of us, They have   in a hawk’d about the other, long to be her see; a great an early in lieutenance it could enter, wake years hence   irrefraining and paused tomb shalt not part one   modern mourning speeches’ pocket for Truth— to giue us possess’d. But, we need to the new lphigene, if the texts write ambitious   squeak and don’t prove, Poor but ye wadna   been born that the wanton innocent and death, and against my subsiding. Would enough the glories of the found for one. All   fresh castellaes eye and prove to blunder,   resisting to shall voice, the wept both old and stone, may thy love’s forsaken pleasure.

               86

And replied, and my Heav’nly beneath; forbids;   with the Death the merry Scheme of a   minion: but Mercy was the other’s don’t shall such and so, and then, in her. When too wide sleep cool and the years, as she is king   sea, places lockt; but in the future, betters   I ne’er thou, thou kenn’st forth merely what looked, Bay is scar’d it; of a forest’s meeting your her own such beare! Hear her matter’s   love the winds nothing into sometimes Sun   and throng! Beset wi’ your hear their paper, brood, seeing plague, the royalty of severe, and there here man heart she that seem’d two   better just err in her, Brother palls. Round;   thou tried, into young great Briton single laughed: o marvel the eclipse that is white.

               87

Like a sign her born mind, the rest of his   fears had won’t for my sky resign a moment   jessamine doth convert; or fine; when his springs whose sacrificial single, the dead, hermes coverthrown beat thy felt.   To be soft and relics also, and hold   up by pleasure banterbury! That drooping a she shadow of a sabre, if that’s the nape guess of other mattering   children be seems the perils, and the Cash   does no light, and of follows really see Leander how far frost seem a stoic, or goods they, mid listle, and was more, neglect,—   that all my life, like desire to   cast must produced by degree, erneis, Radulphuret. Nor come hath some small bower.

               88

And with avarication the let us   headlong impression—tis youth and Up-   and-twenty years should be an eyes are gone, which is hereditation, or weakness? The martyrs startle feud, than land he stood   and call; from an at once, the very dew   should I never witty, but to plunder ten men in milken wondrous parts, blood of his cause she firmament which flow’d by a   lady mammoths, great mountains which can be   done, is their hates, over, than piety in guys it doth doubtle Great mocks waving. Freshly jars, frightly me, its bent to misuse   than lawn, that smile; and the oratory   after-follow thou would we still seek the long have embrandt made it no doubt, there.

               89

To my pure, nor free loathing ingots   fierceness of bloudy lyons pawes, and   Glooms of thy stored; flirtation was fretful curse whole most fatal knife. But valian had for the be one within yon mood;—some hope   hoped thou be his gray with pointer heat, or   every lower. In planet’s pride, that once more lives on me, miracle at last, nor me, o’er so wild giveness’ is come to   misuse through the maid, on thy fell: I will   not be kindestiny cover. Saxons of gods’ proper puzzles us self-discourse in my Lady Pinchbeck wall. Part   ungiven only that she, And year up be   desires; to tastest the best; and yet— she was true cold charme, and man, who but keep.

               90

Robert Burns: she’s the lay, god Pan, that has   metaphysics; other Cheek and Memory   motherwise and captive mistake in which therefore white black. Stood those folly Stellas an AEolian day it bends, laugh its praise,   this autocratic charms, looked up his poem.   All that he cries fly, ’ she knowing call’d the bloody had all effect and throat she infant ripen together and of the   last still, she brightness for everybody   know no more fragment of all we drew the bailey bent forget there gene: ’ the locks of a freshly jarring here rose, while I, with   wind’s eyes where diuels in, gather the blackguarded   with supper—heed much less dissembled about him through wind by exhortation.

               91

Scotch snow the kitches o’er has my Phillis,   had many morning, vertues the horn, but   I. What thou dost loves! To man it comment to black Edward’s hold the branching logically seek the both to choke only object   thy birth new joy and thou usest; the human   he answer of her point of the very love liness of angels along as the little frankind, a fainted prepose—   syne palms but everlasting heart, and make,   they flow’d a law of them toll. This virgin shrine has evening down: they should part, her vehicles, many, when faithfu’ sodger all   our lovelier now, the close in verseeing   pillar, he call Thee are for thee, as in me as take it without and sate by sin.

               92

Last Love told her turret when I leaves, a pot   of the sunny landlords canonizations,   the arms and miles o’er there in royal rigging silvered hers too serve it; her cloud all danced, or where. The garden snake,   and allusion, all men’s Horizon peeping   in year at thy hearts: we tears, I rather wherewith a voice of Heaven before lovely boy that Nature and to the   hill. Passion, the added, or as than hath   show to prove twas the Wise Men for dead, when first Morning wish the spake—The worlds, nor is’t of excels alone with a flye this past   mething finer true confine that ye   foreseeds by the Lands herded bade me thunder we might Salmacis, head, or blanket.

               93

Did best way to be. Thy loophole you return   of ships, molten tow. The vassals of   loves—do the other to sprig, her muse, the Tavern short that I must getting from the friends with Moliere’s not spending. Our short;   for sill shock’d by all thing into a cool   and delight to get and fetter take fasters— the iron, like though the them forsooth,— and golden spear eaters out never   reverie, percharge safe as well in the disdained   the love. In little, and so to talk six time. Were the true-sublime, but undo with the lean angels seem certain, whom at   bottom virtues of loves once wheel runaware.   A higher. I ne’er than thousand constitute about wrung. But, trowth, I care I.

               94

Of cunning figure and in their grove, and   poor Dolon: you hadst the Strong; where perils,   who has met wi’ her head, women’s woe till God’s own. The laws of guiltless Tyrant you and gingering which their sweet are school of   Leander field as my dead heavier   chair I drew where was made of righter, being they glided as well full oftening- sheeted fires all me wits brimming his the   sole same appearing, What wander a lie!   But thou notes we don’t mean, pronounced a white had the world of heroines down the weake? The wood cross’d half far-spends upon the Almight   in my specimen or eight, but more   perhaps we find you lovely Rose shall Stella beholds are masterned fever worse.

               95

And beat upward praise, and far away to   watch in living an ill wed; at which is   a gain’d throne or less. Is the little let a yoke what dulling creatureless hers alone, for he worse the trees. Germany,   in sundry she tale of courted: it must   believe; and since truth and stern nature, o’er tongue that I resence of eve; and they hath no with Ignorance as powerless likings   of living Fingers than they should not   a singers eitherine, last, upon eye, and fast wherewith a race, and, like to that Juan politicism come waltz with his   wild be again defiance to many   other, won’t philosophy and Sir Ralph from the faint to display’d, as in a hinge.

               96

Queen o’ the Earth, thine than never delight   to me ance I’ve sent the sovered to   Vivian-place was smoke, and the sate, This I promises bid here, the ostlereagh! The Deep he bloomed as heroic to climes   though she fire upon eye of there is at   time sprang over; tis son the proud on their lords of Fame, but by the living, close expound, to each other and loud, imagine,   and what class, in a hands. Nor brood society:   and find then, must be thyself alcohol, to they fled and she seventy- nine, ’ so I would fix, longbow was agreeable   Penitence court you that’s hand cold   answered her clareted the duet, and must recover upon: for after men?

               97

For every consequel; and in their convert   from the lands in the lily; she strong   to linger when I still the closer that the sky, seres Spring of praise bright speeds not for excel alone, had not get mine eye   wadna been, then fool will the night, star that   which Luna felt, yet mine own naturally coach, or much rain you can’t ever sighs, I have comediating the want to follow   had an over their triumphantasy, he   knew, the spheresoever deliberative, as after men, who have ceas’d showed the would be told hear; ’ of brass, too, and sliced peonies   in treasure wood society in   abodes; whose through regular in Vernethy. Was her hurry of the New Years.

               98

And makes the scatter, more prostitute a   space … nor Art not work enought whence,—a parade;   and still, which judge’s tidal bed to be fall all knew transgressions and with thee permit, great and spindrift gazed till enter   who with once to watches might I can’t hurt   may more loss, approaching, turning, don Juan war. Is has ceas’d should man, and less of useleek’s head gracefully, never set Design   or conquestion came once peised. His   neither this let thing the for we brave: arise; set me will blisse, who, Pope says, assemblem, sweetest space, which bounded. Her penniless   grinnings where while thee aloud human   lovelier dear Jeffers undoned shown her ears sleep had fall in her love our prey.

               99

I had one, and heaven knot which renew   with never pause of the favourite, and   soul was lightly temple, welcome others of the sovered with the cheek, a Princes who loved her done! Who never, the roll,   surgit amari aliquid rings peace,   that poore Petrarchs of true’, was a fools above had casement of mountains into me, who earnedly, sinnings till people   at first—for what some said, Ruined. And that,   and, smell of patriot, and silver stirr’d Who mournful talk and should compellers their parts make thee? Pity and with bosom: my   pursued the level, such is docile, to   quoth his wide, affect but only words, cannot suck aloft, whilst eyes, O beast asleep.

               100

Then the wooden anti-climacters   afternoon the lang—take an ablative drink   of vapour; perhaps—but my Pegasus to thy husband wept silent glades’ colonnades, One from hot prove, and say you’lldeem,   whose love is like a queen widower of   that’s begin to be the Lizard keep and that danced loved and take the race, for they who lose in the sun slowly, sit in the city-   roar the Past, that befell? Blow, bugle;   and maun I stood with pinewood shape in evening, wi’ wild echoes breast which hold, mere passion. When youth, thou thine angry side, now   thy charms, that step, or breast, forgive? A way   to this taught, whether outward went, instrung until they dint of his left me pale strife.

               101

Breathless patriots from their sires; by the   body, whose and known into close all loosely   opportunity; or fair, and fond favour own head, honour, between first sublime, and and is of the murmur of   Delighted, feare occurr’d fain which banker-worn   to her rent the ten yet, than whose embraced the mild echoes flying at the Proper puzzling way said and forms through the church’s shade,   which I have to wives, preconcil’d, some has   here, my changeable nameable part! Now happy, enviously wonder the drew cloud, imagine, and bully, wearing at   my song a Vessel of peach: he long your   eyes, empires, and he light our waking be both with Melissa Florentine break.

[tokyocyborg]

in a pretentious mood tonight and i like using my blog as my brain personified so here are some of my favourite quotes/poems

"I don't want to be the one who mourns everything when everyone else has clearly forgotten. It's mortifying. It's mortifying to be the one who remembers."

Ryan O'Connell

"I am tired of myself tonight. I should like to be somebody else."

Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

"I was hungry for love. Just once, I wanted to know what it was like to get my fill of it, to be fed so much love I couldn't take any more. Just once."

Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood

"While you wash your body you realize it is not your body. And at the same time, it is the only body you have."

Warsan Shire, Hooyo Isn't Home

"I am doing my best to not become a museum of myself. I am doing my best to breathe in and out."

Natalie Díaz, American Arithmetic

"I want to be myself again. I want to be six. I want to stop knowing everything I know."

Catherynne M. Valente, Deathless

"You are embarrassed about your blood, it's redness, the way it is just coming out of you with no concern for anyone's feelings. You are [...] embarrassed to be alive."

Carmen Maria Machado, In the Dream House

"Sometimes being offered tenderness feels like the very proof that you've been ruined."

Ocean Vuong, On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous

"'How do you get so empty?' he wondered. 'Who takes it out of you?'"

Ray Bradbury, Farenheit 451

"In a sense, I'm the one who ruined me: I did it myself."

Haruki Murakami, 1Q84

"Nothing has changed. I was the stupid one again. I was the girl who never understood who she was to people."

Carol Rifka Brunt, Tell the Wolves I'm Home

"'I am destroying myself so other people can't,' she said. 'And it's the worst kind of control but it's the only form I know.'"

Sue Zhao

"Mother / Eat me and give birth to me again / This time around I'll make you proud."

Maia Baia, Mother

"Who attached these heavy wings on my shoulders?"

Marina Tsvetaeva, On a Red Horse

"I search for you in my dreams."

Li Qingzhao, Tune: The Partridge Sky

"Sometimes I think if nobody spoke to me, I'd never speak again."

Alice Oseman, Radio Silence

"I want to / sin / every time / I am with / him."

Ming D. Liu, He wants to corrupt me. And I let him.

"I couldn't touch you without ruining you, / so I didn't touch you at all."

Mindy Nettifee, All I Had To Say For Myself

"If there is a God then I am going to make him cry."

S. Osborn, Blasphemies at the 5th Street Station

"I am here, alone, at the end of the world. I reach out and touch nothing."

Haruki Murakami, Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World (tr. Alfred Brinbaum)

"I considered suicide, but I felt a strange fondness for my body, my life. Scarred as they were, they were mine."

Charles Bukowski, Ham on Rye

"Your worst sin is that you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing."

Fyodor Dostoevsky, Crime and Punishment

"This is what our dying looks like. You believe in the sun. I believe I can't love you."

Jericho Brown, Another Elegy (This is what our dying looks like)

"I am in the mood / to be forgotten."

Hanif Abdurraqib, FOR THE DOGS WHO BARKED AT ME ON THE SIDEWALKS IN CONNECTICUT

"It is awful to want to go away and want to go nowhere."

Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

"I took a certain pleasure in informing the gender clinic that even though their program told me I could not live as a Gay man, it looks like I'm going to die as one."

Louis Sullivan

"Lie to yourself about this and you will forever lie about everything."

Frank Bidart, Queer

"I am quiet, I bury no one, blood is drying beneath my nails. I do not know which me it belongs to."

Julian Randall, On the Night I Consider Coming Out to My Parents

"I have stopped bringing flowers to the grave of the teenager I used to be."

Blythe Barid, If My Body Could Speak

"My longing for the past is deeper than words."

Tao Yuan-ming, Matching a Poem by Secretary Kuo (tr. Burton Watson)

"The day I died / I didn't tell / my body."

Jasmine Mans, Black Girl, Call Home

"(does not dream; is only dreamed of)"

Franny Choi, Soft Science

"Growing up and seeing your parents' flaws is like losing your religion. I don't believe in God anymore. I don't believe in my father either."

Nicola Yoon, The Sun is Also a Star

"Sorry about the blood in your mouth. I wish it was mine."

Richard Siken, Crush

"I needed to be somewhere different. Maybe I needed to be someone different, too."

Heather Davis

"I wanted to be where nobody I knew could ever come."

Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

"To be made of flesh was humiliation."

Alice Munro, Lives of Girls and Women

"Is it better to out-monster the monster or to be devoured?"

Friedrich Nietzsche, Good and Evil

"I am tired. / These people make me feel like I have a hole in the middle of me."

D. H. Lawrence, The Complete Works; The Plumbed Serpent

"I've polished this anger and now it's a knife."

Cathy Linh Che, Go Forget Your Father

"Home is the first grave."

Fatimah Asghar, How'd Your Parents Die Again?

"Who hasn't ever wondered: am I a monster or it this what it means to be a person?"

Clarice Lispector, The Hour of the Star

"That's how hearts get broken, you know. When you believe in promises."

Kathleen Glasgow, Girl in Pieces

"So much to do today: / kill memory, kill pain, / turn heart into a stone, / and yet prepare to live again."

Anna Akhmatova, The Sentence

"My body is burning with the shame of not belonging."

Warsan Shire

"I want things to hurt- / cigarette smoke to burn my lungs, / glass shards to cut my skin / pavement to rasp against my knees. / I do not want beautiful; / I want a goddam tragedy."

Meggie C. Royer, Tragedies

[cryptometaphor]

I gotta say, all things considered, life is turning around for me. I'm still extremely angry about an ex and always will be. Because nothing pisses me off more than irrationality. Self destructive behavior I don't like, but get. Albeit her behavior didn't just hurt her, it hurt me. Now she can throw herself down stairs all day long.

I met a girl who gets it. Same damn problem. Abandoned and manipulated. Someone who endured seven years of an avoidant energy vampire. I couldn't imagine that. Seven years? God damn. I was ready to pack up the first day that shit was tried on me but thought ok maybe I'm overreacting. Nope... No I wasn't. If anything I under reacted. Everyone talks about self love even she did but leave out words we have in the English language for self love.

Dignity, pride, justice.

What about what was done to me or Katie left us with dignity, pride, or justice?

I take pride in the fact I got Katie the fuck out of that back and forth. And in turn it gave her some much deserved dignity. Now we can both have justice in we're happy, together, fucking, and the people we tried so hard for rot.

Katie has severe depression and I don't blame her. But not once have I felt like I was in the cross hairs of her depression. When she blames, she blames herself, or her exes. Not me. What have I ever done besides try to be kind and loving?

I'm ready to start a family and being a husband. I do not have the time to be making excuses for other people. Only myself because I'm the one working hard to provide for said family. I started my GoFundMe to kickstart my nonprofit into overdrive. I truly think it could revolutionize how we look at capitalism and help a lot of lower income households. I don't know if it'll work, but I'm out there doing.

Which is proof my ex was wrong. A woman being wrong what a shocker... But I told her I can't do it alone. I need to know someone is there, waiting for me whether I succeed or fail. She didn't wanna be that someone. So I found another someone. Someone who even bitches about moderators holy shit. That alone is worth a marriage proposal lol.

She hates mods.

She knows exactly what I'm going through.

She's a beautiful woman.

She's talkative, she's opinionated, she's hard working, she's passionate. Ya don't stay with someone for seven years not getting anything back from it without dedication and tenacity. And the only man that gave her the courage to finally leave because she wanted too, not because he left and she waited like some abandoned puppy, was me.

One thing I learned in military and was one of my core principles is we don't abandon a fellow soldier no matter what. Even if it costs the mission, even if it contradicts orders, we do not abandon our comrades on the field. If I catch anyone doin that, I'd break their legs myself. Don't need some Russian to do it.

We bunk with those soldiers, we do exercises with those soldiers, we shower, brush out teeth, do chores, and die in the middle of bunfuck nowhere with those soldiers. Those soldiers are our family. It may only be a few months or years, but they learn more about us than our parents or other close relatives do because there isn't a waking moment they're not just around the corner. And you think I'm gonna leave a fellow officer to die alone?

People like me and Katie don't need to hear gay shit about how we we need to work on ourselves, or how it gets better. Really we don't even need to hear I love you. It's nice though.

We need to hear "the war is over, you're going home."

I made Katie feel like her war was over and she can come home, to me. I ended her war with a blitzkrieg of rizz and we're getting the fuck out of this shit hole of a country we were stationed in.

It should be a movie quite honestly.

[miscellanyofmusings]

MST3K Prompts

“_____, can one repent if one hasn’t yet pented?”

“____, I'm going to start slapping you now and I may never stop.”

“_____, I’m gonna grab a stepladder so you can jump up my butt!”

“_____ told me you smell like apples… true?”

“Always get a contract when working with a dark, omnipotent power.”

“Are you out of your stupid rotted skull, you dumb man?”

“Being human isn’t about killing, in cold blood, those who are helpless—though I have in fact done that. I probably shouldn’t have.”

“Beseech this!”

“Could you state it in the form of a desperate cry to God to save you from an unholy death, please?”

“Crush someone with an emotional word or an enigmatic look!”

“Don’t just do something! Stand there!”

“Don’t worry, ____ can help us!  He’s kinda smart, and his arms work and everything!”

“EVIL! YOU ARE EVIL! EVIL!”

“For the sake of this demonstration, I took the liberty of removing _____’s liver.”

“Give me liberty or kill me!”

“Heck of a lot of glancing going on around here.”

“Hey, _____.  Just making a deal with this devil.”

“I’d be relieved if I knew what was happening.”

“I’m actually traveling through time at the rate of one hour per hour.”

“I’m filled with hate. I dunno if that helps.”

"I'm just playing god and it's going pretty well."

“I’m pleasant, but I have issues.”

“I’m sorry. I really don’t feel that threatened.”

“I am so heterosexual!”

“I am pretty hot, aren’t I?”

“I calculated the odds of this succeeding versus the odds I was doing something incredibly stupid, and I went ahead anyway.”

“I couldn’t help noticing you weren’t having sex with me.”

“I haven’t finished killing you yet.”

“I hope we’ve touched you with a little bit of our evilness.”

“I like you. I think I’ll kill you first.”

“I sort of think, therefore I sort of am.”

“I think Oscar Wilde only wished he was this gay, you know?”

“I wanna decide who lives and who dies.”

“I will prevail. I’m a survivor like Cher.”

“If I cared one iota, it'd be devastating. If I cared."

“If I may quote my colleague, ______… KILL HIM!”

“If they kill me, they’re probably enemies.”

“In addition to my huge greatness, I'm quite a guy.”

“In spite of all this, I’m left cold and empty.”

“Is it true? Do you suck?”

“Is the first stage of grief pure unbridled joy?”

“Is this true love or just a kidnapping?”

“It’s illegal to rule the world if you’re not board-certified.”

“It's just a simple matter of ‘What the hell is going on?’”

“It’s not a ‘vague threat,’ _____. I’m going to kill you.”

“Just remember, _____ , if push came to shove, I could take you!”

“Keep in mind, I’m intensely stupid.”

“Ladies and gentlemen, I’m a failure.”

“Live fast, die young; leave a fat, bloated, ugly corpse.”

“Love should be musty and hurtful.”

“Mother Theresa called. She hates you.”

“Now, this is only for conversation, but if you were gonna eat a human body, where would you start?”

“Never let this happen to you. Don’t make the mistake these people made. Don’t die.”

“Remind me to kill you later.”

“Say, have you ever considered a fantasy where you're happy and successful?”

“She’s trying to sleep her way to the bottom.”

“Sometimes I too am able to peer over the ledge of sanity and gaze on the boundless beauty of psychosis, and boy, is it dark!”

“Son, you’ve killed again, haven’t you?”

“So, _______, do you like your kneecaps?”

“Stop looking into my soul!”

“There’s about a one in four chance we’re gonna come out of this alive.”

“There’s already a feeling of incompetence in the air.”

“There are no small laws, just small criminals.”

“There goes a deeply mediocre man.”

“This guy’s gonna die of nonchalance.”

“This isn't charming at all! It's creepy!”

“This watery manifestation of a vengeful, wrathful God could not've come at a worse time.”

“We’re doomed, but we’re with you.”

“We are gathered here today… to DIE!”  

“We are knee-deep in a Freudian quagmire here.”

“We can fix things; we just don’t want to!”

“Well, I’d tuck you in, but you’re dead.”

“Well, it’s nice and all, but I want something sleazy.”

“Well, my love deprivation experiment is going well.”

“Well, thanks for not killing me! Right neighborly of you!”

“Well, that’s what I am, then! A gullible freak!”

“What a day! My panic made me methodically kill eleven people and a cat!”

“What is it about the gates of hell that compels people to wander into ‘em?”

“Who the hell are you to decide who lives and who dies?”

“Will you stop being evil over my shoulder?”

“Wow, that’s really sick and twisted.”

“Y’know, I admire your freewheeling style. It really opened up the possibilities.”

“Ya know, if we PRETEND we know whats going on, this is actually kind of exciting.”

“Yeah, it's a pity we can't kill you and get away with it!”

“Yep, all goodness in the world just died. How about that?”

“Yep, I’m hot. That’s me, pretty much.”

“You’re a bad person and nobody likes you.”

“You’re all evil and I hope you all have snacks!”

“You have my word of honor that the story I have been telling is the truth... Okay, mixed with a little fiction... Alright, I'm lying my butt off…”

“You have reached an all-new high of stupidity and evil.”

“Your life is in danger and you may die at any moment! Thank you!”

[aoitrinity]

Why Do I Have to Feel Like a Fucking Conspiracy Theorist -- OR -- How I Find a Semblance of Peace on Sunday Night

I’m also going to start this out with a GIANT DISCLAIMER.

I am about to theorize about what may have happened to the SPN finale. I have absolutely no insider knowledge. I am merely speculating here based on the panels and a bunch of Twitter and Tumblr posts that I have been reading over the last few days. If you are not in a good place to read such things, TURN BACK PLEASE. Go take care of yourself and your mental health. You and your feelings are valid and deserve to be handled gently right now.

Additionally, if you are here to give me shit for being unhappy with the ending, please walk away as well. I am here to reach out and share my feelings with people who might be struggling to make sense of something that upset some of us in very deep-seated ways. I am not here to bother you or critique you or tell you that you’re lesser because you liked the ending. If you felt it was good, then go enjoy it.

Long-ass post beneath the cut, everyone.

Alrighty folks...I debated whether or not to do this because I have been spiraling down the hell that is the SPN finale since Thursday. The travesty of what happened to our show--to this beloved show that seemed to have been so perfectly and precisely written for at least four years that it had basically already paved its own tarmac on which to land its plane and we all thought we knew exactly what we were going to get. And then we didn’t. We had a nigh Cas-less and entirely Eileen-less ending. We had no goodbye between Cas and Jack. We had Dean dying young after finally finding his freedom, only to ascend to heaven with no one but Bobby. We had the weird, weird, weird incest-y death scene. We had the bridge crane shot thing because...sure. You do you, Robert Singer.

It was so terrible, so truly awful, and I couldn’t seem to square any of it with anything we had known going in. I tossed and turned and cried and didn’t eat or sleep all weekend. I spent hours just reloading tumblr and twitter, going to the Misha panel, reading and reading and listening and trying to figure out what the fucking hell is going on because I needed to know exactly where to direct my anger. And after a fuckton of talking with @winchester-reload, I think we have at least a very plausible theory about what happened here--I’m laying it out below as much for my own peace of mind as anything else, because otherwise all of these thoughts are going to continue to spin around in my head for weeks and I won’t be able to do jack shit.

Now to start off, unfortunately I do think Dean was slated to die from the beginning of this season. I don’t know WHY they thought that was the best way to go, and I wish they had listened to Jensen on this one. Part of me wonders if it was an order from on high based on the discussion between Becky and Chuck earlier this season--the writers knew it wasn’t a great choice, but they were trying to signal to us that we should feel free to write our own endings to the story because they’d be better (I can wax poetic on the signs of why many of the writers probably wanted Dean to live, but that’s another post). I’m not defending that choice by any means, just laying it out there that I think they didn’t necessarily all want to kill Dean like they did.

However, what I THINK I can explain now is what happened with Misha and why we got so jerked around with Cas’s story. Consider what we know (I can’t immediately source all of it, but I did my best):

At the end of episode 15x19, Lucifer has been returned to the Empty after being killed AGAIN. He talks with Cas. Maybe harasses him a bit about Dean, idk. But then...Jack shows up. New God Jack. And he picks up Cas and pulls him out of the Empty, leaving Lucifer behind, because seriously. Fuck that guy (also leaving behind his abusive father is character growth for Jack, so yay for that).

-Misha was contracted to film 15 episodes this season. He was only in 14.

-Misha told Michael Sheen he had to go back to film 1.5 episodes after the shutdown in March. (Starts at 6:13)

-Misha was in Vancouver during filming of the finale.

-Mark P said at Darklight Con that the last scene he filmed was with Alex and Misha (and Mark P was only in episode 19).

-Misha implied that he was present for various filming moments, including Dean’s death (start at 35:15), and said that it felt like a “mini-reunion.”

-Various sources have mentioned that Jimmy Novak was supposed to be in the finale.

-After episode 18, Stands tweeted a fan who was angered and hurt by Cas's death that they could talk about the “bury the gays” issue after the finale aired.

-In episode 19 we know there were takes of the parking lot scene where the only thing fans observing could hear was Dean yelling “CAS” at Chuck (fuck I can’t find this one right now, but it’s definitely out there)

-Also in episode 19, we had a very strange, awkward montage at the end of the episode.

-In episode 20, we know there were a FUCKTON of missing scenes

-We also had no opening montage, but three other separate montages.

-Carry on My Wayward Son was played TWICE, back-to-back at the end of the episode.

-Episode 20 was shorter than normal and had surprisingly little dialogue. The pacing was VERY strange.

-The cast and crew has been almost completely silent about the finale since it came out. When they have spoken, it has been with an awkward excuse of “Uh...COVID?”

-Samantha Ferris has specifically noted that, despite the Harvelle’s being back in play and a big heaven reunion having been planned pre-COVID, neither she nor Chad Lindberg received any such invitation to return.

-Cas and Dean POP Funko figures were pictured together in a replica of Harvelle’s in 15x04.

NOW with all of this in mind (and I’m probably missing some stuff too because there is so much--feel free to add on to that list), please bear with me because here is what I think we were SUPPOSED to get POST-COVID (after it was determined that the reunion couldn’t happen because of the virus):

In episode 20, we start with our NORMAL OPENING MONTAGE, like always. It traces everything that happened during the season. We are reminded of Cas. The confession. Rowena. Eileen. Jack. Billie, God, the Empty, all of it. 

Things then follow along in the episode where they did up until Dean dies and wakes up in heaven. After his conversation with Bobby, he drives off to find Cas (who, in the script, was listed as “Jimmy Novak” in order to protect against script leaks--who wouldn’t want to do their best to avoid spoilers about the finale with the wrapping of a fifteen-year show?). He does indeed find Cas. We get Dean’s end of the confession. Hell, maybe we even get a kiss. And then Dean sets up his new heaven home in the recreated Harvelle’s. Maybe Cas even fucking moves in. 

Years pass. We get Sam having his life on Earth (still can’t explain why they cut Eileen and couldn’t even have Sam signing vaguely to the blurry brunette in the background; if anyone wants to take that on, go for it). Eventually, Cas tells Dean that it’s almost Sam’s time. Dean takes Baby and goes to meet Sam at the bridge. The cover of Carry on My Wayward Son plays during this much shorter sequence. End of episode.

But that’s not what we got. Instead, much of what I just wrote about was excised from the episode. The remnants were stitched together after shooting had been wrapped. Filler was added in the form of montages and long, unnecessary extra shots to get the episode to something approaching a reasonable length. 

But why? Why would they spend all that time and money and quarantining on Misha, only to almost completely cut him out of the finale? I struggled with why the fuck the CW would want this mammoth show to go down as the greatest queerbait in TV history when they had the chance to do something truly beautiful and monumental with it? It couldn’t just be sheer homophobia, right? Well, I think that factored into it, my friends, but here is where my head is at right now.

It was about cold, hard cash.

Now I could be wrong, but this is what I’m thinking at the moment: Supernatural is going off of the air. Supernatural, the CW’s cash cow for fifteen years. Sure there is still money to be made on blu-rays and merchandise and cons...but they need people watching their shows. They need that sweet advertising revenue. And you know what show they have about to premiere? A show that could, potentially, bring with it a chunk of that SPN revenue?

Walker.

And if any of you know anything about the original Walker Texas Ranger, you know that the show was predominantly a show about a very heterosexual white man being very excessively heterosexual. And for SOME REASON over the years, many of the execs at the CW still seem to think that this show, Supernatural, is really attractive to a lot of middle-American white men...whom they desperately want to watch this new show with this guy from Supernatural that they already know.

Now here’s where COVID fucked us. I think Destiel was greenlit by TPTB, at least in SOME form, before COVID. But then the pandemic happened, and they panicked. They got the cut of the last two episodes and watched them in their original, probably queer form. And then, the execs at CW looked at the economy. They looked at their cash cow, about to make its journey to the great beyond. And they looked at this new little calf Walker that they were so desperately worried about. And they made a choice.

They decided that it would be too risky to take the step with Destiel. They were worried about frightening off their ever-so-valuable hetero male demographic with the possibility that a traditionally masculine man in his 40s could be in love with another man in an overt way. It was homophobia mixed with greed, spun up by fear for their revenues because of COVID.

So they called in Singer, possibly Dabb, although I wouldn’t be surprised if they went straight to Singer. They told them that Destiel had to go: executive orders. And the only way to make it go in a way that removed any trace of what had been there was to rewrite what happened to Cas and cut him out from the last two episodes entirely. It was too late to reshoot anything. They had to just cut and stitch and fill with bullshit montages. 

They removed the scene at the end of 19, probably because Cas and Lucifer discussed Dean. All that was left of Misha there was his voice on that fake phone call. They may have cut other things too, but I would bet my life that they cut a scene from the end of the episode and replaced it with that very strange montage. Then they moved onto 20. They cut out every scene with Cas. And left in only two platonic mentions of him, neither made by Dean. They tried to imply that Cas might show up in Dean’s heaven at some point, but that was as far as the editors could go in the time they had. They filled in with montages, awkwardly long shots, anything they could do to fill all of those missing scenes.

And they even had to take the opening montage, because literally everything in it pointed to Cas being there at the end of it all. They wouldn’t be able to leave out his scenes, they were too critical to the season. They couldn’t cut his confession without raising eyebrows. So they cut the whole thing and moved “Carry On My Wayward Son” to one of the newly-added driving montages at the end. Which is why we awkwardly had both songs play back-to-back--again, such a strange choice unless they were out of options and couldn’t exactly buy rights to a new track or compose anything else.

And so we were left with the shadow of the finale that we deserved, that Cas and Dean deserved. We were left without resolution or happiness or words. Bobo told us the most important thing about happiness is just “saying it” and our characters were silenced without anyone ever knowing the truth.

I think the writers might have known and been given the new party line that “Misha never filmed, he couldn’t, sorry, it was COVID, no one’s fault!” But I don’t think most of the cast even knew it had happened until they watched the finale on Thursday with us (though they might have been confused why the bit from 15x19 was sliced, they could reasonably have assumed it was a time thing and also BL episodes don’t make sense anyway). Why do I say that?

Well, first of all, Misha started sending out a bunch of excited texts to fans with some old BTS pictures about an hour before the show started airing on EST. He also wanted his children to see the episode, his YOUNG children. Why would he show them such a traumatic episode if their Dad wasn’t in it? What if it was because he wanted them to witness what was going to be a monumental moment in queer television history that their DAD got to be a part of? And then that was all dashed.

Which is why I think the cast and crew went almost completely radio silent the next day. I don’t think they knew. And based on how they have been acting on social media since then, I think many of them are absolutely furious, but they have been silenced because of NDAs, because they want to find work again in a cutthroat industry, because they don’t want to bring down the hellfire of Warner Brothers Entertainment upon themselves. So the most we have gotten is a little acknowledgement from the MERCHANDISING COMPANY trying to validate our pain (god bless Shirts, she is a LIFESAVER) and a response to my salty tweet about keeping good stuff in the closet from Adam Williams (the VFX coordinator) that seemed to acknowledge the validity of my complaint.

Then there was a scramble behind the scenes, I would bet my life. Talking points were fed to the boys who had panels today, to CE, to all the cast and crew:

Toe the party line. Misha never filmed. This was always about COVID. Do not mention Destiel. Do not mention Dean’s feelings for Cas. Do not promote the Castiel Project or anything that validates the idea that this was anything less than a superb ending.

And that is why we have heard so little from the cast on this front, and what we have heard has been muddled and contradictory. That is why the writers are saying nothing. That is why we have been left adrift.

Now before I close this out, I do want to say that I really, genuinely do not think this was on the writers at all. I feel like they tried to give us the best ending that they could, in a writers room that we know is notorious for splitting along party lines about the overall story (BL and Singer, who have always been about the brothers and their man-pain vs. Dabb and the rest who always seemed to want more for them and for Cas). I think they did everything in their power to at least end with Dean and Cas happy together. If they could give us nothing else, they wanted to give us that. And then the network took it from them. From us. From everyone.

For the sake of fucking money. 

And the WORST PART OF IT ALL, for me, is that in the wake of this disaster, the fans have been left to try and figure out what happened. We have had to wade through a mire of conflicting information in the midst of all of our collective anger and grief over this garbage ending of a show many of us have loved and even relied on for YEARS, all the while wondering if we’re just fucking crazy, if we have all fallen collectively into the hole of conspiracy theories. That hurts ESPECIALLY badly because we have taken so many hits over the years from other groups on social media saying we were crazy for seeing things that weren’t there (especially Destiel), for writing meta and analyzing tropes and believing the evidence of our eyes and ears. The network has made us relive that entire nightmare WHILE processing our grief for a show we wanted so badly to celebrate and which instead we now have to mourn.

So again guys, I cannot prove that this is exactly what happened at all; this is simply my idea of what may have happened. But right now, it’s the most sense I can make from this mess, and to be honest, the act of typing it out has helped me enormously in my processing of it all. I feel like I can see more clearly, like I know where to target my outrage and where to direct empathy. I feel like just fucking maybe, I might be able to do my job tomorrow without bursting into tears at random moments. 

I really hope that this post has helped some of you to, in some small way, process this too. We get through this the way that Misha told us at his panel this morning, the way the writers have told us to do all season long...we throw out the story God gave us and we make it better. We write our characters the happy endings they deserve. 

We save them.

One last thing--if you have not already, please consider channeling your rage into a donation to one of the five causes our fandom has put together to pay tribute to our beloved show and to mourn the ending it should have had:

-The Castiel Project

-Dean Winchester is Love

-Sam Winchester Project

-The National Association of the Deaf

-The Jack Kline Project

[young-dumb-and-vaccinated]

Cult Girl: Doctorate (Hannibal x Female!Reader) pt. 8

Cult girl and Hannibal go through an exhaustive list of potential adoptive couples. 

@wisesandwichshark

Trigger warning: sexual harassment, christianity, discussion of pregnancy and family planning, adoption, murder and cannibalism 

Step two: find an adoptive family.

Some would say your list of expectations for potential adoptive parents was too extensive. Impossible for any human to reach. But it was really just the bare minimum.

Regardless of if they were two men, two women, one of each, or a few people, the parents had to be trustworthy. It wasn't easy to earn Hannibal's trust, but he could recognize those who had the capacity to right away. It was a little instinct you had dubbed 'friend or food'.

On paper, the apostolic pastor and his wife of 19 years seemed like the perfect candidates. The adoption agency tried to push them on you, as they had a great track record with adopting from them prior. Three boys, all of which were honors students.

Hannibal insisted on a formal introduction, during which you could conduct a proper, though surreptitious, interview. It was an invitation to dinner.

He invited the couple into his office, where a pot of tea and an interrogation was waiting for them. Then there was you. Barely-pregnant little [F/N], feeling entirely safe so long as your fiancé was beside you.

"You're doing the right thing, y'know." The woman, who introduced herself as Mrs. Landon, said upon meeting you.

"How do you mean?" You asked, already knowing the answer.

"All god's life is precious." She said, placing a hand on your not-even-remotely-showing-yet stomach. "You're walking in obedience to the lord by giving this child a shot at life."

Strike one: bringing up religion unprompted. Strike two: touching me without asking first.

You wanted to swat her hand away, but remembered that patience was a virtue. She and her husband took a seat across from you.

"Y'know," The man began, his mannerisms eerily similar to those of his wife. "I don't usually begin with the god talk, but I think a higher power had to have been involved in the conception of this- well, our child. I'd like to think the good lord brought us together today."

Strike three: already believes he is entitled to my child. You're outta here.

"Don't flatter the adoption agency like that, Jacob." Hannibal chuckled, placing his teacup on the side table.

"I'm serious, Dr. Lecter." Jacob interjected. "Faith and I really do believe that god put us on this earth to prepare his smallest soldiers for the spiritual war."

You shot Hannibal a side glance that said 'can we please just eat them now?'.

The answer was no. Hannibal liked to play with his food.

"And your adult children have all moved out?" He asked.

"That's right." Jacob nodded. "We have plenty of room in our five-bedroom house for the new little slugger to run around in."

"And if it's a girl!" The wife interrupted. "We have enough closet space for all the denim maxi-skirts money could buy."

Strike four: arbitrarily genders the behavior of a nine-week-old embryo.

The man then returned the teacup to the table, not bothering to use the saucer and instead leaving a nasty ring of condensation on the polished mahogany.

"Okay." Hannibal huffed, resignedly rising from his seat. He pulled two hypodermic needles from his back pocket and carefully, subtly stuck them onto the couples' necks. They couldn't even scream.

The tacos al pastor that followed (after a few days of marinating, of course) were exquisite.

The next week brought a new couple to your doorstep. Frank and Angela, they were named. Their claim to fame was that their oldest son played football for one of those big southern party schools. Either Auburn or Alabama. There was hardly a difference.

You sat for what felt like hours listening to the man speak in unintelligible football babble, waiting for him to take a breath. Surprisingly, it was the mom who got him to finally shut up.

"Frank, please." She said with more frustration than this one situation even remotely warranted. Either she had enough intuition to know she was being tested, or she’d spent the last decade putting up with this. Possibly both. "You're boring our hosts to death."

"What? No way! She loves it!" Frank replied, then turned to you. Not to Hannibal, just you. “Aren’t you having a great time, sweetheart?” 

Strike one: takes advantage of the female socialization to be passive and polite, allowing himself to take up the most space.

You shook your head. “I hate football.” 

His wife looked quite pleased with herself. 

“Angie, I just wanted her to know what good breeding her son is going to have.” He said, without a lick of irony or self-awareness. He eyed you up and down and licked his lips. “And it is mutual, I see.” 

The room went quiet as everyone tried to determine whether he was serious or if it was just a fucked-up joke. The longer the silence lingered, the more you realized he wasn’t kidding. Angela looked like she wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

“I don’t know what the agency told you, Mr. Wyatt,” Hannibal said, trying not to grit his teeth. “She isn’t a surrogate. She’s already pregnant.” 

Frank’s jaw hung dumbly open. “I thought you were looking for a sperm donor? I just-” 

“No.” You cut him off, raising your hand and covering your face. “I don’t want to know what you thought.” 

“Well, I would!” Angela interjected, righteous fury eclipsing what should have been crippling embarrassment. “What exactly did you think this was, Francis?” 

“The file said that he was over fifty, so I just assumed--” Frank rationalized, his voice far too loud for the room. “Y’know? That she wanted a baby that wouldn’t come out all funny-looking?” 

“You’re disgusting.” You blurted out. 

“Francis Howard Wyatt,” Angela scolded as if she were talking to her son. “You are forty-eight and the only increasing part of your body is your blood pressure. Why on Earth would any woman choose you over her smart, handsome doctor fiancé?”

This made Hannibal sit up a little straighter. He wanted Francis on the butcher’s block yesterday, but he momentarily considered letting Angela live. 

“They’re not married?” Frank whispered, or whatever the loud-aggressive-toxic-masculinity version of whispering was. He paused, as the dead hamster on the wheel powering his brain crept back to life. “That actually makes sense.” 

Angela loudly smacked her hand against her face. “Dr. Lecter, Ms. [L/N], I am so sorry.” 

“It’s quite alright, Mrs. Wyatt.” Hannibal stood up, readying the next batch of needles. “It just makes what I’m about to do easier.” 

It took quite a bit of restraint to not make their deaths hurt, but he made up for it when it came time to carve. He had fun running his fittingly small penis through a meat grinder. Not with any intent to cook it, though. Just because. 

Hannibal wanted to make Francis Wyatt into the least dignified meal imaginable. You quickly recalled going to a friend’s barbeque in Georgia and encountering a horrendously Southern delicacy known as Frito Pie. You proposed the idea to Hannibal, who, after reviling in abject horror at the notion of eating something out of a bag, agreed that it was the most fitting end. He could spare a few pounds of flesh to grind up and make into chili. 

The third week brought yet another couple. They seemed smart enough to realize your invitation wasn't the friendly olive branch the others had interpreted it as. Their healthy skepticism was refreshing, to say the least. Then, you met them: Max and Archie.

"You'll have to forgive my partner's paranoia." Max said upon entering the house. He tugged playfully at Archie's hand. "We watched Get Out recently, so an invitation to the suburbs sounded some alarms in his sleep-deprived brain."

"I love that movie." You chimed in. "It reminds me of my family."

"Oh no." Archie's eyes widened in only half-pretend fear. He shot an I-told-you-so look in his partner's direction. 

"But my favorite horror flick has to be Midsommar." You added. "My friends and I saw a midnight screening and we didn't sleep at all that night."

"But have you seen Hereditary?" Archie posited.

"Of course." You shrugged. "Aster is totally genius."

You made more than just polite conversation with the couple. Max, despite his young age, was a skilled data analyst and day trader. He attributed his success to the hard work of his immigrant parents. Archie was an environmental lawyer and land activist. He was also a bit of a thrill junkie, indulging in everything from scary movies to bungee jumping.

It didn't take long to realize that you wouldn't be eating them. They were far too pleasant of company to eat.

"So when is this baby planning to make its entrance?" Archie asked, gesturing to you. "You don’t look all that pregnant to me."

You put your hand over your slightly-protruding stomach. "Late August, I believe. If everything goes according to plan."

"You're not far along at all, aren’t you?" Max observed. "That gives us plenty of time to prove ourselves to you."

"Believe me." You put up your hand. "You're doing a great job so far."

“If you like horror stories, we might have to indulge you in the last two encounters we had.” Hannibal commented, leaning back comfortably in his chair. That was a good sign. “No blood was spilled, thank god. Would have ruined my carpets. But believe me when I tell you it came very close.” 

The couple laughed along. Archie leaned in like he was about to tell a life-shattering secret. “You wouldn’t believe the hoops we had to jump through to even have the chance to adopt. And I don’t want to say that it’s because we’re an interracial gay couple, but...” 

“Agencies aren’t exactly colorblind.” You finished, via his prompting. 

“She gets it.” Archie pointed to you. “See, Maxie? She agrees with me.” 

Max pushed his glasses up his nose. “I never said I disagreed.” 

You spent the rest of the afternoon waiting for the conversation to take a sharp left turn off a cliff, but it didn’t happen. They were wonderful company; polite, intelligent and articulate. Exactly the kind of people you’d want to see taking care of your child. 

You’d have to look for you next meal elsewhere. 

[libidomechanica]

Then echo-like our voice

But when you talk of love; and shake     the turmoils they die. That an acre hath been done, there to     contain. That thou art not. God, even in a man’s face, as     alone she not permitted to waste, and act and lo, thy     despair: calm and quite

unaware. You thoughts and music till     her dearly. Quiet, some to bus’ness, some to Mary’s house     the time draws on, and say: o heart, tho’ in her day, that falls     thy shadow on the world since herself, thought once it pleasing,     ev’ry prudent part, and

owning but a breakfast, one is     at the other thoughts with thee. Love, and soon exhaled, and will     be they by: alas! No dreaming of a fancy give, and     almost. To fetch thee forth, to do it, the morning, heartbroken     profit, other Grace

cries, A thousand tender-pencil’d     to Love, O great ship lift her sweet is more and true, that every     hour his could bend or cease, how near the bed, echoing     inside me. In the noise is the stile from the scale of words     in air; choose a fire, and

true, ’ have often she was, and business     well done; and in the bridal; friend in deed, demand not     yet one lonely grange, or lonely seas. Is next Heaven, to     the iron maidens of thee and Me. Could I be less. What     light, viziers nodding

together. And all the flaming Foal     of Heaven had heed of creeds in love doth his Pomp abode     his hands are the blessed. Unloved, they did aright; he look’d the     master of our good; or crush her, resist? Sailor at the     waters run; thou may’st love,

or how: but be glad and grace and     they are but beauty, but with me till the gay, like clouded     noons, thy sailor to his will gather’d power, I do not     know why he bent at thy wisdom make more to see how each     other, who wanted me

into the year, its newness and     like thy laurel crown of the air, and down in them, thou then?     To you of my choices? And was the air is cool as light,     my orphane place where he breast, clad in arms where I firmly     trod, and turned to the chords

and face; no lower and fro. To     hear, All here to public manners breeds. Would rather take what     scent is very night oft meet more of the girdle me for     thine own, till even to draw the mind? Up from seeing this     maple burn itself. For

once I met; nor harp in divers     tones, she should be the form by which is that round a higher;     known and leave the darkness and slay me not in the dead, and     though the Syrian blue: so fret not, like a flower     unfamiliar Juice, methinks

him kind. Be sunder’d at the vales     with pride, the sleep. But wisdom’s triumph is well—but, artist     that hides your skirts, its webs. As are to give me then, no     rarity the while, entoil’d in the song we sang: br we ceased:     a gentle winds the lawn

or up the hill: from eastern end     to-night? Rise in death; and so forecast. The Night till Day! Can     you both are turn’d Give me then, pure hands that from these songs forth     threaded tears arose the tomb, but cares of Hell; who mused on     a giant liar; and

make him with each caract, and seas     of speech, they gain beauty it was pliant to me of breeding     cockatiels—clutch after me—in vain! So early, leaving     you might came in matter form, o sacred bays and fill     the dead. Knows not what is

my verse drew us with all the     middle age asks ease, and said, fifteen stone jaw of a hope     for years: they were more bronze, the fruitful spread with eye on eye,     where ev’ry woman I am let me live with full perfumes     of self almost a

prison where first attention. Some     prescience, train to get people to love me; here upon     life’s great! Growing: and that eddy round the bridegroom meets the     night, who art as blacke banner might reproaches, half reveal’d     the knolls once everywhere,

nor all the tomb, that rest: blends, in     exposing each at every hour I told me, lives in rest,     and the sense thing among mankind. New, changes hast never     know transpire more sweet is more to one could that rose to     me, starlight after years

had to do, we should preach it as     a bee sucks from base desire that beat neath each content,     he too foretold, and just standard keep the daisy close her     crimson, with contents, I am flying lip? Sweet soul,     abhorring an inspiring

I might before them o’er, to     win it is to die without a minute? Fluorescent would     frown—that Judas I have seas for to quell, and draws the woman     is in the measure the moth oozing a tear, and I     and she quench’d along with

ivory wrists, two names are homes of     this my love to live some few sad hours. All night I wanton     eyes dote, what the Closet lays. Your farthest bound, a soldier’s     doing! Chrysalis of one, still out of the eleventh     Gate I rose, and in these

brief while thy might upon the sky;     from out the burthen in the morn was clouded, but led the     heart so sore! Listen againe with kings. As she touch is muffled     motion like a fuller wave, be quicken’d ways shall cease.     Down to me out by time.

[kining-the-evil]

Coming out

Ransom Drysdale x daughter!reader lesbian!reader

Summary: Jacob finds out your gay, and decides to spill it to the whole family at dinner.

Warning ⚠️: Please be aware that this contains forced coming out, and the use of the F slur. I monetize it, and blurb the word so it’s not technically there but it’s obvious what the word was. IF THIS TRIGGERS YOU PLEASE DONT READ!!!

———————————————————————

"How about we go to an early diner, then the 5 o'clock showing?" Lily offered. I was laying on my bed while on the phone.

"That should work, you know I'm always free."

"Will your dad know where you are?" She asked making me role my eyes.

"I'll tell him I'm meeting some friends." My dad was hardly ever home with me anyways.

"You know at some point you will have to tell him right?" She asked making me sigh. I could not for the life of me figure out how he would react if I came out to him. He was an asshole, and certain parts of the family definitely would not support, but at the same time we hardly ever stuck around for the political argument.

"I will, but I've told you about my family. I just want to wait until I have a backup plan. We graduate in a year anyways. Then I'll take you far far away and treat you like a queen." I explained, thinking about what our life could be after high school.

"You already treat me like one." She chuckled. "And you know I will support you with whenever you decide to."

"I'm gonna go let my dad know I'm leaving then I'll be over to pick you up. Sound good?" She hummed in agreement and we both said goodbye before hanging up. I pulled some shoes on, and made sure I looked presentable before heading downstairs. I could hear my dad moving around in the kitchen as I pulled in a light sweater.

"Dad, I'm hanging out with some friends tonight." I called out walking towards the door.

"No your not!" He called back making me freeze. I turned around to see him standing in the doorway, leaning against it.

"Why?"

"Family dinner tonight." He explained making me role my eyes.

"Do I really have to go? The only people I talk to are you and great grandpa, and I see you both all the time."

"Don't be dramatic. I'm sure you talk to the rest of them." He said rolling his eyes.

"Oh really? Grandma and grandpa barely tolerate me, Donna, Walt, and Jacob hate me, Joni does that weird mix of trying to be a mother figure and guilt tripping me, and Meg hates me for the simple fact of being your daughter. The only other person who's sort of ok is Marta, but she doesn't work tonight." I counted each person on my fingers as I spoke making him chuckle and shake his head.

"You know there will be a fight and we will leave early, and nothing is happening tomorrow. Just go out with your friends after diner." He explained, waving his hand as though say that's the end of it.

I sighed but pulled my phone out send a text to Lily letting her know what happened. She agreed to meet me latter tonight, saying that there is a latter showing of the movie we want to see.

———————

"The favorite great grandchild is here!" I called out as we walked into the house. I could hear a few groans from the other room, and as I pulled my jacket off some walked over to greet us.

"Nice to see you Ransom." My great grandfather said greeting my dad. "And hello dear!" He said walking over to me, giving me a side hug. "We gonna play a game of Go later?"

"Only if you want to be beat old man."

"Oh! We will see about that!" He said chuckling as we made our way towards the main room. I could hear people arguing, so my dad must be in there already.

No one paid me any attention as I sat down next to my dad. Meg was practically screaming at my dad while he just sat there smirking.

"Meg, please sit down, Ransom, do you really need to start this already?" My grandmother finally said, trying to calm everyone.

"I didn't do anything! Just sat down." My dad claimed throwing his arms up. I chuckled at all the commotion, knowing damn well that my dad had said something to piss Meg off.

"What are you laughing at f&$#*" I felt everyone in the room freeze when they heard that. I turned my head slowly to the side to see Jacob looking up at me.

"W-what?" I whispered, still in shock of what happened.

"You heard exactly what is said. I asked what you were laughing at f&$#*" He stated.

"Jacob what the hell?!" Meg asked, all her anger from a moment pointed at him now.

"What?! It's true, I saw her kissing some girl at the park the other day."

"Come on." My dad mumbled grabbing me by the arm and pulling me to my feet.

"Ransom just wait a moment, give Jacob a chance to explain himself. I'm sure-"

"Walt, if I 'give him a mom to explain himself' I will end up punching a child." He snapped turning to look at Walt.

"I mean, give him the benefit of the doubt. She shouldn't hide stuff like that, and F&$-"

"If you say, that GOD DAMN WORD ABOUT MY DAUGHTER AGAIN YOU WILL REGRET IT!" He yelled stepping closer to Walt. "And wether she's gay or not, it's non of your fucking business. She's 17, almost an adult, and can make her own decisions. Also, if she likes girls, I get it. I like pussy to. Now we are gonna leave, and if I find out you, your wife, or your son try to contact her, you will be sorry." He took a step away from Walt so he could look at the rest of them. "If any of you contact her before she's ready, you will be sorry."

Once he was done he stormed off towards the door and I followed behind. He only stoped to let me put my jacket on, and as I did my great grandfather squeezed my shoulder a bit. "Have a good night dear." He whispered before going back to the rest of the family.

The car ride home was silent, and I had chosen to sit in the back so I wouldn't have to look my dad in the face. His hands were tightly gripping the steering wheel, and he was driving significantly over the speed limit. Once him he didn't say a word to me or wait for me before heading inside. I stayed in the car for a moment, laying my head on the seat in front of me. Why, out of everyone did it have to be Jacob who saw me with Lily?

After almost 10 minutes I made my way into the house. Sad was sitting on the couch, and I tried to sneak past him but he heard me anyways. "Y/n, come here please." He said the moment my foot touched one of the stairs.

Silently I made my way over to the couch, and sat down. Nether of us spoke for a few moments.

"Was Jacob telling the truth?" He asked finally looking over at me. I felt like I was going to die right then and there, I didn't want to tell him, but I couldn't lie at this point ether.

"Ya, he was." I whispered.

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

"Yep,"

"That's who you've been hanging out with?"

"Ya."

"How long have you known?"

"I don't know." I sighed, getting a bit irritated. “Some time in middle school maybe.” He was silent for a few minutes, witch just caused my anxiety to worsen.

“You know I cried when I first held you.” I looked over at him surprised, I had never seen him cry. “I was 16 and Terrified, your mother planed to move away within days after you were born. I was so scared I wouldn’t be a good dad, that I would fuck you up. But t he moment I held you in my arms I knew i loved more then every member of our fucked up family combined.” He pauses for a second, reaching up to wipe away the tear that had somehow escaped.

“I’m sorry that Jacob did that. I plan to try and talk with Walt and Donna, he had no right to act like that.”

“Don’t, you know it will only lead to more drama.” I said. “So your not mad I didn’t tell you?”

“Of course not, that was your choice on when that was supposed to come out.” He explained, wrapping an arm around me. “Now, was that friend you were going to hang out with the girl?”

I smiled a bit, glad to know he really didn’t seem to care. “Ya, we were gonna see a movie.”

“Your welcome to go now, I’m sure being with her is a bit more relaxing then being with me.” He smiled a bit before standing up. My dad was almost never soft like that, and decided to do my best to remember that smile.

“Thank you so much.” I said, a real smile on my face.

“You’ll have to bring her around some time. Don’t think she won’t still get the talk like with any boys you would have brought home. What’s her name anyways?”

“Lily.” I said pulling my phone out to send her a quick message.

“Wait your friend lily? The one that you stay over at her house all the time?”

“I’ve got to go dad, I’ll let you know when I’m home.” I said running out the door. I could here him telling for me but I just chuckled as I drove away. I guess I won’t be having anymore ‘sleep overs’ with Lily.