#‘oh but what about the sa victims who-‘ im also an sa victim but god forbid any of them talk about it without being spoken over right?

[gongedtornado]

h*zbin/h*lluva enjoyers fuck off from my page plz 🙏

[slutforsnow]

Death, Revelations, & Jail

A/N: This one might end up being just a tad longer than the last 3 chapters :3 ALSO I FINALLY FINISHED EPISODE 3 😭 IM SORRY IT TOOK FOREVER, HENRY BEING PATHETIC WAS FUNNY 😭😭

Tw: Joseph's death, revealing Violet's trauma (grooming, SA, assault, abuse, manipulation), Kathleen's death, robbery

At the funeral, Violet stood with Kathleen and Billy per Joseph's final request. His reasoning had been that he wanted her there instead of Antrim because of how caring she was compared to his step-father. Violet was touched by him asking for her to be there in his final moments.

Violet had one hand on Kathleen's back, rubbing her back as she and Billy sprinkled dirt on Joe's body, holding back her own tears. She didn't know why, but she just wanted to bawl her eyes out. He had been a sweetheart in the short time she had known him and had prayed for him to recover.

Billy and Kathleen didn't deserve this; they were too good of people to have lost Joseph. If Violet could bring back Joe, she would even go as far as ask God to take her abuser and ex-friend.

'If anyone deserves to be in the ground it's that fucking-'

Violet's thoughts were interrupted, hearing a familiar voice. Her heart dropped, and she suddenly felt lightheaded.

She slowly turned to face him. What was he of all people doing here?

As Violet watched the short argument between Kathleen and Henry, the pieces began to make sense. Henry was Billy's step-father and Violet's abuser. She felt hot tears fill in her eyes, but not of sadness, oh no. Of anger. Hatred, even. He was here hurting two more people while his victim was here in front of him and he had the fucking nerve to pretend everything was fine between the two of them and ignore her? Violet balled her fists, glaring at Henry, and scrunched her nose up in disgust at the blonde bastard.

"You really think that Joseph would want you at his burial? He asked me to be here instead of you because he felt more loved by someone he just met instead of his own stepfather that he's known for the past 6 years?" She spat, her chest heaving up and down, as she felt her heart speed up. Henry paled, looking at Violet.

If he didn't remember her before she spoke, he sure as hell remembered her now. Kathleen and Billy looked between Henry and Violet, seeing the tears of rage roll down on Violet's cheeks.

"Violet- what are you doin' here?" A simple question, how pathetic was he? To ask how she was while she was recovering from the damage he caused her?

"Really? That's your question? Not 'I'm sorry for doin' what I did to you two years ago I hope you can forgive me'?!" She yelled, feeling her knees grow numb. She felt faint, sick even.

Why would he act so casual?

"Vi, what are you talkin' about?" Kathleen asked, sounding genuinely confused that her husband and Violet, whom she now considered to be a daughter to her if Violet and Billy were to ever date in the future, knew each other.

"What I'm sayin' is that your husband and a third party manipulated me into thinkin' he loved me but only used my 16 year old body for such disgustin' and vile things," Violet stated, glaring at Henry but speaking so gently and sweet to Kathleen.

"You what!?" Billy shouted in anger, turning to Henry. He immediately reached for his pistol, ready to put a bullet between his eyes, only to be stopped by his mother.

He always had a bad feeling about Henry, but knowing that he was the one who violated Violet was beyond disgusting. It was horrid. Silence stood between the 4 of them and Billy shot between Henry's feet, causing a cry of fear and surprise to erupt from Henry's throat.

"Warnin' shot," He stated bluntly before pulling Violet into his embrace as Kathleen practically dragged Henry back to the house to shout at him for what he did to her.

"You can put your pistol away, moron," Violet teased, giggling to herself as Billy rubbed her back, listening to the sounds of the two men burying his brother.

"No, I'm gonna need it when I get back to the house," He told her, a small smile tugging at his lips.

"Don't waste your bullets on him. He needs a slow and painful death," She argued, laying her head on his chest as he held her close.

Billy pondered that for a moment; get rid of the problem or let the problem suffer.

"You're right, he does deserve to suffer," He murmured, putting his gun back in his gunbelt. "I'm sorry he did that to you."

"Why are you sorry? You didn't know," She questioned, looking up at him and wipin' her tears away. As she did, she had also revealed her scars across her nose. He didn't say anything about her scars, thinking they added to her sense of danger.

"For not doin' somethin' sooner so he couldn't have hurt you," He answered simply, as if it was obvious. Violet felt a faint redness creep up onto her cheeks; he cared about her that much when they had only met a few days ago?

"Awh, Billy that's mighty sweet of you," She replied, not meeting his gaze so he didn't notice her growing redness. Billy gently laid his forehead against hers, smiling at her as he was happy to make her smile.

"Anythin' to see you smile, Vi," He murmured, holding her close.

That night, as the pair decided to stay and comfort Kathleen, Violet ended up staying over with the Antrims as it was pouring rain by the time she noticed it was dark out.

Billy let her cuddle with him in his bed, and they talked each other to sleep–talking about ideas on how to make Henry go 'missing' and comforting Billy about the loss of Joe. Late in the night, Billy woke up to the sounds of hustlin' and bustlin' in the kitchen area. He quietly got up, making sure not to wake Violet, grabbed his gun, and crept his way to the kitchen, aiming it at his step-father once he got a clear view of him.

Henry stopped moving, slowly looking towards his step-son.

"So you caught me. This is my money," He began, having only opened the small box that held what little savings Kathleen had.

"You haven't earned any of it. Not a fuckin' penny," Billy began, moving forward, keeping the gun aimed at Henry's head and being glad he towered over the man he hated. "You chase a dream. You pay for whores. You cheat on my mother and now you fucking steal from her!"

The more Billy spoke, the more he felt his anger rise. He didn't raise his voice. No, he couldn't do that. Not while his mother and best friend were asleep. They needed their rest. It had been an eventful day for both of them.

He continued to force Henry to back up eventually out of the house and into the cold rain. Billy didn't care about the cold. He had enough of Henry's bullshit.

"Not to mention what you did to Violet; she was fuckin' sixteen!! Sixteen!! How could even think of doing such a thing to her!?" He yelled, pressing the barrel of his gun to Henry's head. He could yell now, since they were outside; no one could hear him over the loud pouring rain.

Violet, however, woke up having to use the bathroom. She frowned, not seeing Billy in bed next to her.

'Maybe he's in the kitchen,' She thought to herself, yawning as she made her way to the bathroom, grateful that Billy's clothes covered her body mostly. As she made her way around the house to hopefully see Billy, just eating a midnight snack, she caught sight of him outside with Henry. She stood by the table, seeing the box of the family's savings. Sighing tiredly, she made her way upstairs again to grab a towel to dry him off when he came back inside.

"You could've been a good man like my father. All you had to do was try," Billy continued, cutting off Henry from his pathetic rambling and pleading.

Then he remembered Violet's words from earlier.

"Don't waste your bullets on him. He deserves to suffer."

And suffer he will. He lowered his gun and went back inside, shutting the door in Henry's face.

When he turned around, he came face to face with his mom and Violet. He assumed they heard him as Violet came over to him and wrapped his blanket around him, considering it was the only was big enough that could actually have any chance of drying him a little bit, as Kathleen lit another oil lamp to warm him up.

Violet, knowing this was a family matter, hugged Billy tightly once he sat down next to his ma and went upstairs.

She laid in bed for a while, staring at the ceiling as she waited for his return.

Once he came back to the room, with his hair still damp. Once he put his pistol away in his gunbelt, he laid next to Violet in silence. She pulled him into a tight hug once he got comfortable, holding him somehow tighter than before.

"Thank you," She whispered, knowing he drove away Henry for good.

"Of course, Violet," He whispered back, holding her close and burying his face in her shoulder. Vi buried her face into his neck, taking in his calming scent. He smelled like a wet dog, but amongst that scent, he also smelled like grass, mud, with hints of whiskey.

"I'm never leaving your side," She stated softly, earning a gentle chuckle from him.

"You're an idiot."

"Nah, you are."

"How am I an idiot?"

"Who went out in the rain in their pajamas 10 minutes ago?" She teased, giggling as he laughed softly, accepting defeat.

"Alright, you got me there," He admitted before closing his eyes to try an asleep.

"Yes, I do," She murmured, yawning before curling up into his side.

Days later, Kathleen dropped as well from the same illness that took Joe. The moment Violet had heard the news from Jesse, she had bolted barefoot to find him, determined to help Billy and Kathleen.

As the 18 year olds took care of Kathleen, she cherished every moment she had with them. She didn't want to go, yet she knew that God would reunite her with her husband and Joe. As she was being taken care of, she noticed how Violet and Billy talked and cooperated. They worked together without complaint and were just as stubborn as the other. Kathleen didn't want to leave Billy alone, but as time went on, she realized that he wouldn't be alone. He'd have Violet with him, and Kathleen was okay with that.

The day after she was buried, Violet laid her head on Billy's shoulder as his now former home was cleared out. The town had taken the house as Billy didn't have enough to pay for it.

Violet sighed, rubbing Billy's arm as he watched the home get cleared out.

"You can come stay with Jesse and I until you get back on your feet," She suggested, peering up at him.

"I don't wanna be a burden," Billy denied, shaking his head.

"Billy-"

"You could always rob someplace," a familiar voice said, pulling their attention from the now empty house to Jesse.

"Jesse, no, he needs money not to be arrested-," Violet began, rolling her eyes and crossing her arms facing her brother completely.

"I mean, it could work," Billy interjected, looking down at Violet.

"Where would you even try?" Violeg protested, looking up at him.

"That place," Jesse suggested, nodding curtly towards the Chinese laundry place across the road.

"No, you'll both get caught for sure," She told him.

"Doesn't hurt to try," Billy said, nodding to Jesse.

"You can't be serious, Billy!"

"Alright, meet back here around midnight."

"Fuck you, Jesse," Violet grumbled, pinching the bridge of her nose and closing her eyes in disappointment.

The next night, Violet had gathered Billy's things, as well as her own, onto 2 horses. She knew this would happen. Stupid Jesse and his dumb fucking plan. Violet knew this would happen, but did the boys listen? No, of course not. Why would they?

She peered around the corner of the clothing shop, seeing Billy running from the jail, and she whistled at him, causing him to stop running.

"Violet?" He questioned in a whisper shout as he came closer to her.

"Of course, you fucking idiot, now get on your horse and let's go," She playfully said, grinning and jamming his hat on his head.

"How- wait, why are you leaving?" He asked, not wasting time and getting on his horse as Violet got onto hers.

"Whose gonna keep your ass outta trouble?" She retaliated, grinning evilly.

"Rude," He repreplied, chuckling as the two snapped the reins and their horses were off.

'Goodbye to this hellish town and the people in,' Violet thought, smiling as she no longer would have to be forced into trying to date some of the other guys in town. 'Freedom at last.'

[genericpuff]

Hii hope im not bothering you but i saw that post you made about rs never intending for the rape subplot because she initially didn't put a trigger warning. I don't really agree with that reasoning tho because i don't think it's really a proof for that, authors often times forget to put triggers but that doesn't mean they don't recognize it for what it was. There's a horror webtoon i read where in one chapter someone gets assaulted and it's clearly shown like assault but the first version also never had a tw until people complained about it. Years ago when LO began there was less awareness for the necessity of tws so i think it was just rs not realizing she needed to put one? ofc it could rlly be retcon but i don't think her not initially putting a tw is proof of that..

Oh okay, so here's the thing, if it were just Rachel forgetting to put the trigger warning, then no, I wouldn't be so hard on her about it. I mean, I'd still be hard on her because that's a pretty bad thing to forget to do, but I wouldn't be assuming it was because she didn't know it was assault.

But it wasn't her just "forgetting" to put the trigger warning. Granted, I wasn't there personally, but according to the readers who were there at the time, she literally had her Discord explain to her why there needed to be a trigger warning for the assault episode. Not "there needs to be a trigger warning for the sake of your audience's comfort and safety" type explanation, I mean full on "there needs to be a trigger warning because that scene is assault, not just bad sex" explanation.

And honestly, the narrative that follows that scene tends to support this. From Persephone inviting Apollo into her room to try and reason with him, to the fact that she still hasn't personally addressed the assault outside of that initial Eros conversation and the one therapy episode despite that scene happening 5 years ago (but god knows we get plenty of takes from her friends who feel affected by what Apollo did, not the actual victim though) to Apollo flip-flopping between being a genuinely abusive and manipulative narcissist who does it intentionally and a flat out airheaded idiot who just doesn't have a clue. It really just feels like despite Rachel confirming it as an SA in the Eros episode back in S1, she's still treating it as a "one night stand gone sour" situation.

And we've seen her apply this same type of flippant "haha they just don't get along!" mindset to other characters who have been abusive to each other, such as Hades and Demeter (I'm still looking for the screenshot but there IS one out there of a fan in the FB group who theorized that Hades and Demeter had a romantic past only for Rachel to respond that they're "like coworkers at the staff party who can't get along", and yes, this was recent enough for us to be aware of what Hades actually did to Demeter) and also Hades and Minthe who we DO have a screenshot for:

(that top one aged like milk, oof)

Rachel has a bad habit of not putting trigger warnings even today, and it doesn't seem to be out of simple "forgetting", she legit just doesn't seem to understand why people ask for the trigger warnings that they do in the first place. She can't seem to conceptualize these types of topics outside of her own extremely limited perceptions. Sometimes she fixes it like with the Demeter "intervention" episode (Episode 230) other times she just leaves it as is despite it DESPERATELY needing a trigger warning like the Hera and Kronos flashback sequence in Episode 233.

This is the same person who didn't think sexism was "that bad" until she saw how her audience treated characters like Demeter... but she's literally the one instigating that behavior by constantly making her female characters the butt of abuse and mockery.

"I feel like female characters in general, people will be a little harsher on them and sometimes way harsher on them, and I used to be like.. before I started writing the story and like making a story I was like yeah, sexism is not that bad, and [now] I was like oh it's bad. It's quite bad [laughs], so like, I don't know, I feel like the female characters in the story don't get so much of a pass. But this isn't consistent across the board, it's not all the time"

It wouldn't be right of me to outright say that Rachel hasn't experienced any hardship in her life, but the fact that she seems this blind to violence towards women in any capacity definitely says a lot.

Anyways, that got really off topic so I'm hoping that answered your question. My belief in Rachel not knowing it was assault goes a lot further than just a forgotten trigger warning amounting to a brief "oopsie". And while I get the point of what you're saying about awareness around trigger warnings, I disagree that the awareness wasn't there, this was 2018 and trigger warnings aren't a new concept in media, they just went by another name until recently - viewer discretion is advised.

That said, if anyone who was there wants to speak up on the trigger warning incident, please, I'd welcome it. Bring me all the deets.

[brokensenseofhumor]

The controversial post that I mentioned on my birthday (aka Tuesday, this post is going up on either Thursday 11pm or Friday asscrack of dawn)

The purpose of this post is to clarify a variety of things just in case I go missing Friday afternoon, but due to certain events on my birthday it turned into an exposé + vent post. Even with such circumstances, I hope you can take away some knowledge about me and other people from this post.

WARNINGS: Private matters that have already been dealt with either a few days or even months ago that I’m needlessly bringing to light, mentions of death threats, and lost of fucked up shit in general.

Saii (@/monochrome-cropcrown) dismissed a really violent meltdown I had the day before my birthday and tried using her visit to the hospital as an excuse for not giving a fuck or even bothering to read not even 1 message from the 1 hour worth of distressed and downright concerning messages I had spammed her with an hour and a half ago. We got into a screaming match and she blocked me, but a few hours later she unblocked me, and started harassing me with messages basically victim blaming me for not being god and being unable to control my emotions, then blocked me again before I even had a chance to respond. Here is evidence:

That being said, I also have to take accountability for the horrible shit i said during my mental breakdown. I admit I made threats of physical violence against Fukui Takumi, wishing he’d slip down his stairs and bash his head into a wall, and I apologize for that. I was far too wrapped up in my emotions to realize I was saying overall horrible things aimed at someone that doesn’t even know who I am, and I apologize deeply for that. I’ll try to find better coping mechanisms to avoid this type of situation next chapter drop.

@/huntersmoon1 traumadumped on me multiple times despite me clarifying that I’m a neurodivergent and seriously mentally ill teenager just as many times, and she’s a grown woman in her late 20’s/early 30s that should be getting a therapist instead of telling some mentally unstable minor on the internet about her family’s problems. She also infodumped to me about useless things, even after I have told her I am not intrested in the slightest about anything she’s telling me about. She blocked me after I complained about another one of these needless infodumps, unblocked me after Mina’s exposure, we both mutually apologized for our mistakes, and she proceeded to block me again.

Shortly after Mina’s exposure as a groomer, @/praisethesuuun made a post saying that I shouldn’t be on the internet just because I have BPD symptoms and I’m also a minor.

My mom neglects me and verbally abuses me and my dad is a creep that always disrespects my boundaries, has tried to SA me when I was around 7-9, and this week he stole the conditioner my mom bought for me (after refusing to buy me a new one for the past 3 weeks).

The verbal abuse from my mom started when I was around 5-6 years old.

My mom also held off on buying me toothpaste for 4 weeks, and I was stuck using probably expired toothpaste for over a month.

My school feels more like a North Korean labor camp rather than a school. My homeroom teacher is a bitch, as of the time im writing this post she has threatened to smell each and every student’s ARMPITS (With the most psychotic smile on her face, too) MULTIPLE TIMES. The school’s practices are no better either. Oh what’s that? You didn’t do this easily forgettable and completely useless and unnecessary homework? Oh I’m so sorry, your exam score is an automatic 0 now. Most teachers are so strict that I almost developed a crush one the one teacher that was actually cool.

ALL HAIL KENDRICK LAMAR 🙇🙇🙇🙇

Tags: @aresarmyblog @rukia-writes @amphitriteswife @micah-drew @mizz-sea-nymph @miyahsart @cherry-froese @riseofamoonycake @incorrect-record-of-ragnarok @itz-hellenz @swallowtail-lotus @the-gentlemen-jack @sibchatactics @onecantsimply

[cometcrystal]

also heres my review of ginger snaps 2 from the other night if anyone wants 2 read it

TW: RAPE

my fucking god??? i am captivated by this movie.

i've begun typing this while not finished with the film because im high and i need to log my thoughts. but i think i kind of like this movie a lot? 

it was such a genius fucking movie to make a brigette character piece. she is so deliciously human. it's a narrative treat. SOOOO many of the reactions she has to the things in the story are things that just feel so. human. humans are often passive. humans are riddled with so much anxiety at things that it affects their self-preservation. the fear just paralyzes them. also ginger is a very iconic character for sure. she sticks in your mind. but if ginger is the face of this movie, the skin of this movie, then that makes brigette the guts, the blood, the skeleton. take her away and you have something much more hollow.

there's very possibly some "women are catty bitches/bullies" stereotypes in here. there's very possibly some "SA for the sake of edginess" in here. but idk. i think what it does with the material is kind of sincere enough to be interesting in a lot of places.

the other addicts in the facility are cruel and enjoy throwing pennies at a tween girl like theyre in fucking middle school. but like... these girls are in rehab. their lives have been backed into a corner. everyone has different reactions. some people will lash out at everyone they ever speak to again. some people will lay there and accept whatever tries to hurt them because they're too tired to try anymore. some people find immense joy and relief with certain coping mechanisms. yeah, sometimes these three categories can be problematic. but they're very human.

the night guard seems cartoonishly smug and says a lot of Corny One Liners. but like. in real life he Would have that power. the power dynamic and his bargaining would be WAY BEYOND ABUSE if someone did that for real. and people do. and doesn't that just make you want to skin the motherfucker alive?

brigette struggles with her body's physical reactions to the gut-wrenching trauma she's going through. she doesn't WANT to be aroused by what her rapist does. but her body is having a reaction that doesn't match her mind's reaction. and she feels so fucking ashamed about it, when that's a completely understandable thing and absolutely NEVER the victim's fault. ALSO! the blurring of the lines between reality and fiction during the group physical therapy scene. i'm still kind of unclear on whether she was dreaming about a fantasy she would never want to happen in real life, or she and a bunch of other girls just got sexually assaulted again.

ginger appears in brigette's psyche, lives there almost full-time, chides her and teases her and humbles her. she was brigette's best friend. she was her SISTER. and now brigette can't even fathom the fact that she's dead. brigette has to do literally every single thing in her power to keep herself from the same fate as her SISTER. god, it's not real. this is not happening. she can't fucking be dead. she's been dead for months.

the weird little preteen girl who just acts like a huge fucking weirdo around the whole place. her only allegiance is to herself, and not with all other people, who are toys she plays with. but still having moments of little-kid-ism. like oh yeah. she's a megalomaniac but she's twelve. brigette eventually feeling sisterly towards her and fighting it as hard as she can. because her REAL SISTER is FUCKING DEAD and GINGER'S THE ONLY PERSON WHO GETS THAT TITLE. and she fucking killed her. she had no other choice. and she takes care of ghost anyway because she has no other choice. it's the right thing to do. BTW the preteen girl has her own fucking secret hideout OUTSIDE THE FACILITY and just goes back there for shits and giggles because humans are her playthings. she just went back to her ABANDONED HOUSE IN THE FOREST WITH WORKING ELECTRICITY and has her monthly vacations. but now she remembered. oh shit i'm twelve. and looked to brigette as an adult

NOT TO MENTION. I WAS EXTREMELY ENGROSSED IN THIS MOVIE. like i can't tell if it's Good but i'm definitely fucking captivated you know. AND I WAS LIKE "SURELY WE'RE IN THE FINAL ACT, THERE'S LIKE 20 MINUTES LEFT OR SOMETHING". i looked at the runtime. I WAS ONLY 40 MINUTES IN. I STILL HAVE THE WHOLE OTHER HALF OF THIS MOVIE TO GO. WILL UPDATE SOON.

47 minute update: THIS MOVIE IS FUCKING CREEPY BROOO THE SCARES ARE SO GOOD. I FORGOT TO MENTION THEM BUT THEY'RE JUST. REALLY WELL DONE.

76 minute update: oh i want this piece of shit dead. i want to see brigette skip rope with his entrails. i want it to be a thousand fucking years of hell in a single minute before he dies.

finished: ok. well. this might be one of the most interesting horror movies i've ever seen. god. i'm speechless. and high.

i could literally write a college thesis on this film. there's at least another 12 more paragraphs about the rest of the film's events to be written. i could easily flesh this out into a 10 page analysis. i probably won't, but i could. it'd be a good topic if i was in a college film class.

i'm gonna be thinking about this one for a while.

[sadistpet]

it's munday and you know what that means . here is me rambling about raikov ( + volgin ) and a common perception of him because im annoying and talkative <3 cw for mentions of sa / abusive relationships

a Lot of people in the fandom view raikov as yet another victim to volgin, being forced into being his lover and only being cruel to his soldiers to appeal to volgin. which like. people can view it however they want, you do you. but i also think that interpretation is deeply boring and cliché and . kind of undermines raikov as a character and reduces him to some... damsel in distress ? i feel like it robs raikov of his agency as a character who's able to make his own decisions ; he can't have chosen this, he had to have been forced into it. and it's silly, because there's so much canon evidence inferring the complete opposite ?

i think this ties into the idea i mentioned that volgin's relationship to raikov was meant to indicate a more tender and "human" aspect to his character, but it just wasn't as blatant as it could've been. take the cutscenes for example ; we get two cutscenes that feature a focus on both eva and raikov's nude bodies. eva is covered in scars, which she mentions are from volgin. they're part of her, cut into her skin, permanent. she didn't want them, and she can't get rid of them if she tries, unless it's via surgery.

raikov, on the other hand, has absolutely flawless skin with no signs of scarring. the only indication he has a connection to volgin is his underwear with a lightning bolt. and that's something removable, something he could easily take off if he wanted. it's under his clothes, after all, where nobody can see -- and still he wears them. why would he if he didn't want to ? sure, you could come up with reasons why, but it seems pretty obvious that he's wearing them by choice. and them being a removable piece of clothing rather than permanent scarring further implies it's something he chooses, and something that volgin is, surprisingly, fine with.

getting into the way volgin acts in regards to raikov. like, oh my actual god, where do i begin. in terms of the infamous homo-picture, we can see volgin genuinely smiling. not sadistically, but like, actual, meeting-the-eyes smile. ignore raikov being the irl depiction of the 😩 emoji because he's getting his dick grabbed. the fact this is a candid picture too implies that this is just how he is around raikov ; genuine, lets his guard down.

not to mention the fact he beats the shit out of snake EXPLICITLY FOR HURTING RAIKOV. like. you cannot get more blatant than him saying "i will make him pay for hurting ivan" and then proceeding to absolutely pummel snake within an inch of his life. not for the legacy, not for the deception, or anything even remotely related to the main plot -- no, it's for hurting ivan. i guess you could say it's a possessive thing, but that's disproven with his battle dialogue if you wear the raikov mask. he says that he thought ivan had been killed. hence, why would it be something possessive ?

IN ADDITION TO THAT. even when he realises that snake isn't raikov, he never lays a hand on him. there's the initial crotch grab, and after that he shoves snake away, but he doesn't EVER hurt him again until snake's raikov mask is removed. only THEN does he beat him. the entire time that snake wears the raikov mask during that scene, volgin doesn't lay a finger on him, doesn't use his electricity powers on him, despite the fact he absolutely could and knows that it isn't raikov.

by putting on the raikov mask during volgin's battle, it gives us even more insight to this. volgin stops attacking you, freezes up, visibly trembles and slowly walks towards snake thinking he's raikov. even his lines -- "ivan. ivan? ivan! is it really you? i thought you'd been killed..." // "how dare you!" // "you will pay for what you did to ivan!" // "i will avenge ivan!" -- all imply that he truly cares about raikov. this is even more evident when coupled with the fact he attacks you even more violently at this point.

and that's not even mentioning the blatant contrast between how he reacts towards tatyana being manhandled by ocelot, who essentially threatens to kill her, and how he reacts after finding out snake must've hurt raikov. he truly does not give a shit about her ( "do as you like." ), he doesn't see any qualms with hurting her or killing her. but raikov ? he beats snake to a pulp for hurting him. he can't even bring himself to harm someone that looks like raikov, even when he knows it's not actually him.

raikov's existence as a joke character is a detriment when trying to find out more about his own introspection and views, but portable ops' recruitment dialogue for him gives us a very small, but very intriguing look into his personality. he is completely different from when we see him in mgs3. he's withdrawn and nearly silent, more awkward and visibly cowardly. far removed from the cocky, snarky, sadistic version we see in snake eater. the only times he speaks up are when revenge is mentioned, but more poignantly, when volgin is mentioned. when he's spoken to by campbell, he remains almost entirely silent besides six lines, two of which are explicitly about volgin :

"…bastard! how could you know!? wait, i get it… you’re an agent of the man they call snake. the yankee who killed the colonel at groznyj grad! and you came all this way to gloat over me…!" "you want me… to join the villain who killed the colonel? not a chance…"

it's clear from these lines alone that raikov is still, six years later, extremely broken up over volgin's death. or, well, "death", but ykno. his entire personality has shifted into one far more morose and dour, and he only speaks up and shows genuine emotion in his speech when it's about volgin. he refuses to join big boss' team because big boss killed volgin. he remembers big boss in the first place for that exact reason. volgin's death has evidently left its mark on raikov. he's not the same man. sure, you could say maybe he's upset because volgin dying meant he lost the person protecting him from retribution, and he lost all his privileges. but then, why doesn't he make any attempt to climb the ranks of big boss' group the same way ? "because it's big boss' group, and he hates big boss!" yes. because big boss killed his lover. he calls big boss a villain for what he did to volgin, so it's clear he doesn't view what happened as a positive. this goes double for the fact he seems to not care at all about being praised and promoted among the ranks of the soviet armed forces. he only cares about revenge.

when you look at it all, it's blatantly obvious that volgin cares about raikov in a way he exhibits with nobody else. and raikov is heavily implied to feel the same way. raikov isn't just another of volgin's lovers, he's someone that volgin genuinely cares about. reducing raikov's character to some kind of damsel coerced into this relationship is not only, in my opinion, deeply cliché and boring, but it goes against all the evidence presented in the games ?

there's some other interpretations i'm not personally a fan of, but do find intriguing and interesting ( such as raikov being EVA / a spy, ) but this one irks me immensely to the point where i feel like i have to refute it. volgin is irredeemably evil, yes. he can be irredeemably evil and also genuinely love raikov. and the small amount we've seen into raikov's mentality support that the feeling is, in fact, mutual. sure, there's claims to make about age disparity and power imbalances, but it's stated pretty clearly ingame - multiple times in fact - that volgin views raikov as an equal.

framing raikov as some kind of victim or acting on harmful urges etc not only goes against the canon, but it strips away the character's ability to make his own decisions. why must he be a victim ? is it not possible - and probable, given the evidence - that he is just as bad as volgin, if not worse, and that's why they're drawn to each other ? is it not possible he chose to be volgin's lover out of a genuine desire for something, be that love or intimacy in general ? villains can be villains and still love like everyone else. they can be evil and still love healthily and genuinely. these things aren't mutually exclusive and acting like they are is very cartoonish !

so yeah. tldr the games heavily imply if not outright state that volgin and raikov legitimately and truly care for and love each other beyond that of just a physical, sexual relationship, and the depiction of raikov as a victim of volgin is a huge disservice to his character and also goes against what we've seen in canon

[hearts4farryn]

July 19, 2023

TW! ed, sa, addiction, basically dead dove don’t eat

After years of an ed, I finally find myself on Tumblr; the HOLY GRAIL of disordered people. You’d think after 3 years of therapy, several hospital trips, and multiple attempts i’d learn my lesson. At this point I think I just like wallowing in my mental illnesses. Once quarantine started, I just went spiraling down a path in the wrong direction. But this year has been the most wild point of my life. It’s funny, a couple weeks ago my step-dad asked me if I had hit rock bottom. His question didn’t sprout from just a few of my life’s mishaps though. My biological dad who lives across the United States sent my and in-depth suicide note through his Gmail; causing me to stress over him for weeks. A few months earlier I had been raped by a man in his 20’s, but he got shot 2 weeks after. Karma’s a bitch when it needs to be. And finally, the cherry on top, my parents and relatives found out my therapist was grooming me. I knew that his sexual advances towards me weren’t necessarily normal, but he has told me countless times I was “one of a kind” and he “thought about me often.” The worst part of him grooming me was people finding out. I could handle that my middle aged therapist (who was actually very cute!) found me attractive and had other plans than me just being a client to him. I didn’t mind it. Being victimized and the stress of taking legal action was a completely different topic. Thank God, my parents decided to stray away from the police. I’ve already had enough encounters with them anyway. Back to my step-dad saying I hit rock bottom, I already knew I hadn’t. Not even a week after he asked, I overdosed on my bedroom floor with Euphoria playing in the background. No fucking joke. This was also not on purpose (surprisingly) and I had been using for a long time before this. My blue leds were on too. My mom found me in my bed; grey-faced, convulsing, while my friend held back tears as she watched death almost swallow me whole. My mom dragged me to the floor, called 911, and started CPR. Mind you I was in a thong and bra during all of this. EMTS eventually arrived at my house and I woke up to lights flashing in my eyes and realizing everyone there has seen me half naked. I cried in the ambulance and apologized to the officer beside me countless times. To be honest, he was probably getting pissed and how much i was whining and the amount of “I’m so sorrys” i was throwing out there. If anyone out there has experienced addiction and thought, “oh! there’s no way that’ll happen to me! i know what i’m doing.” There is always a way. ALWAYS. Especially with hard shit. I’ve been sober since then and hope to continue, but i still haven’t processed it fully. Instead of realizing it was a very serious situation, I just giggle at the thought of it and move on. Anyways, all this crazy shit has sprouted into my life after my first heartbreak. I had been cheated on after I poured everything into a relationship. At the same time, what did I expect out of a teenage boy? I won’t go too in depth about that, it’s always the same story for everyone. Now Im about 2000 miles from home, with my childhood best friends. It’s a nice and quiet break from everything. I just kind of relive the same day and don’t have to worry about being around my triggers. These 3 weeks have been the easiest weeks to get clean. I just hope i stay clean, i honestly never know. Without a therapist, I’m just going to have to figure shit out on my own and hope I’m doing life right. This year I’ll be going into my sophomore year of high school, and I kind of can’t wait for summer to be over. But first I need to be skinny!! I want to be sickly. That’s just kind of what I’m relying on to cope right now. If anyone needs to rant in my dms they are always welcome, I am here for this community! I get it. This is my first update here, I’m not sure if anyone will read it but hi if u do! Thank you for listening!

xoxo

farryn

[garfieldsladybird]

HIHI BABY I HAVE A QUESTION SINCE I CANT OPEN OUTSIDE LINKS OF TUMBLR

what did harry styles do?? (i hate his fans so im even more curious why hes problematic)

i’m doing this because some people really don’t know what he has done, not only you, and I fucking hate him so why the fuck not :D i’m also copying what the Twitter post thread is saying.

a note to h.s stans; I don’t care if you follow, I may or may not follow. I won’t care abt any of the posts or anything you say abt him, just please don’t try to make me a stan of him, i dont like him, he has great music yes but I do not support him.

TW // Pedophilia, talk of SA, him being racist and sexiest.

 Harry retweeted a picture of himself in digitized blackface with other edits that mocks black culture. He never acknowledged or apologized for the issue even though people called him out.

Harry appropriated the Native American culture by posing in a native headdress and putting up a picture of himself in it on his social media. People called him out for cultural appropriation but again, he never apologized.

Harry actively participated in slut shaming Kendall Jenner (his ex) with two other men on national TV. The "lay everyday" was an obvious innuendo to sex and Harry sips "tea" (as if to say "tell me about it")and smirks at the sexist joke instead of defending the woman. — oh god. that was with Aaron Taylor Johnson too. 

Harry made an extremely insensitive "joke" about pedophilia at the expense of his fans, a group of predominantly young women who might've been a victim/survivor themselves is just disgusting. He never apologized. His team even tried to erase the video off the internet.

in the video he’s talking about Roy Moore who has been accused of sexually assaulting women and I think that’s why he’s not a judge anymore, he’s a piece of shit. but Harry was saying that he does ‘know’ Moore cuz he’s had to kick him out of his concerts multiple times before. that’s fucked up to say.

Harry chose to completely ignore BLM flags that fans took to his concerts and even stepped on them in 2017. He didn't acknowledge his black fans who were disappointed for a year and did it only after getting heavy media backlash.

And Immediately after ignoring BLM, he gave this ALM speech which raises a lot of questions. That is why the context of this speech is very important which people often tend to ignore or forget. in the video he’s just saying that if you are black, white, gay, straight, anything, he will support you.

In 2020, Harry decided to perform at the NFL Pepsi Super bowl party. Both the NFL and Pepsi are known to be racist and Harry's decision to perform there contradicts his claim to support BLM. His black fans requested him to back out and trended #harrybackout but they were ignored.

Harry Styles branded the link to donation for George Floyd. Basically it takes you through his own website before redirecting to the main link.This was done to track his engagements and data mine for marketing. To use a black man's mu*der for purposes of profit is just disgusting.

All of that ties in with this extremely privileged take on activism by Harry himself. This means all the rainbow flag waving, pride merch and BLM stickers are nothing but props for pandering to people. Its all performative. He doesn't "mean it" but loves the woke points & profits.



Harry has been known to be a big fan of Charles Bukowski (a misogynist) and always glorifies him. He called it "romantic" even though most of Bukowski's work is misogynistic and sexist. Harry also loves Haruki Murakami who is also criticized for his sexist work. It's a pattern.

His album is inspired by Bukowski and it reflects in the lyrics. The lyrics contain misogynistic tropes, often sexist and objectifying women. There are also other problematic references like "hard candy" and cocaine/drug use. For the same song Kiwi, he made a mv with children.

In his song, Carolina which Harry describes as being about a girl he met once on a night out, he explicitly name drops her WITHOUT her consent and she only finds out about it through TV after the album came out. She was also harassed by fans causing her to delete her social media. — in the pictures that they’re showing with this, The articles are saying that she was 17 but someone was trying to change it to 20 because he was 23 at the time.

Harry is a big fan of Elvis Presley and glorifies him. He was also running for being cast to play Elvis in his biopic. He said he didn't find anything disappointing about his life even though Elvis is known as a pedophile. — I will forever be happy that he does not get to play Elvis in that movie but I’m also super pissed that they’re making a fucking movie about him.

There are so much more that he has done that I didn’t mention because he is just problematic and that is way too much. But Harry has never apologized or even aknowledged anything.

[drivingsideways]

Hey talk to me about your top three favourite kdrama women. What makes them special? What's a fic you would like to write about any one of them?

Mystery anon! :D What a lovely ask. 

I’m going to cheat a bit and divide my answer into characters I loved a lot, but do not want to write fic about, because I think the canon gives me what I need; and characters that I loved a lot but NEED TO BE RESCUED ZOMG.  (My fic writing impulses are 50% spite and 50% fix-it )

Caveat being that I’ve still watched only maybe a dozen kdramas, so I’m pretty limited in my knowledge!

Characters that I love a lot, but have very zero fic impulses toward:

Han Yeo-jin from Stranger/Secret Forest: What a delight! What an iconique character! Is there anyone like her? NO. LSY-nim gives us a delightfully complex character, and Bae Doona knocks it out of the park in every single scene, so I’m just happy to be along for the ride. I think what makes Yeo-jin special for me is the intrinsic place of empathy that she operates from.  I think “righteous” is a word that often comes with negative connotations (self-righteous, for eg), but I do think she’s one of the most righteous-in-the-good-way characters I’ve watched in kdrama or any drama. I’m tired of stories that portray goodness as “boring” , as unworthy of narrative breadth or depth, and I love that Han Yeo-jin comes to us like a breath of fresh air in our particular dystopian narratives hellscape. She’s good, but never naive. She’s righteous but never cruel in her moral certainties.  I think that LSY nim, in the second season especially, gave Yeo-jin the kind of arc that character deserved when she’s forced to really dig deep into herself to figure out how she’s going to live in the world in the face of a deeply cutting, deeply personal disillusionment, and I’m really hoping for an S3 to see how that plays out further. 

Goo Hae-ryung from Rookie Historian: Ok, I will admit this may be rose tinted glasses view due to this show being my gateway drug into kdrama, but c’mon! She’s a reader! and a Thinker! And loves her wine! She’s plucky! She’s cute! She’s got a wry sense of humour! She’s got principles! She’s got a solid common sense to her that somehow doesn’t get in the way of her dreaming BIG! Oh dear, doesn’t she sound like the Mary-est of Mary Sues? Good for her.gif,  I say! Anyways, Shin Se-kyung is unutterably charming in this (AS IN EVERY SHOW OMG GIRL) and I just have a huge fondness for free-spirited heroines who get to tramp through the narrative changing the world as they do! 

Lee Ji-an from My Ahjussi: I’ve never had my heart broken more OR restored by any single character. IU is *phenomenal * in this, I think she really stepped up to what the script demanded from her. Ji-an’s weariness, her fear and vulnerability, her prickliness, her anger and her bitterness, and how, despite everything, she fights : GOD. Just. Again, what I love about the writing in this show is that it’s deeply empathetic without being cloyingly sentimental. I think a less, hmm, imaginative writer/PD might have focused on the Lee Ji-an the victim, and while the show definitely tells you in no uncertain terms that she is one,  of both circumstances and a cruel society, I think it refuses to take away her agency over her own life.(Lee Ji-an when we meet her is too busy hanging onto life by tooth and claw to indulge in self-pity, but we also see the toll it takes on her not to be able to say “this is too heavy a burden for me to carry myself and it isn’t my fault”; the show I think approaches Dong-hoon from the opposite side- his emotional isolation is partly a result of his own choices, but he doesn’t see it yet, and so his journey is also about letting people in and sharing the burden, but also recovering his own agency over his life. It’s an interestingly gender-bent arc, which is one of the things I love about this show. )

Ok, can I please add one more?

Hwang Han-joo from Melo is my Nature: She just felt SO real to me. She’s someone who doesn’t have the spectacular brilliance of either Jin-joo or Eun-jung, and struggles with accepting her limitations but not allowing herself to be defeated by them? I love her struggles as a mother, as a working woman in a sexist industry, a woman who’s perhaps having to rethink and reimagine what she wants from romance. I love that she’s a little silly, a lot kind, and an optimist, and just. I just think she’s the bravest of the three, tbh, and I LOVE HER AND I WOULD WATCH A SPIN OFF ABOUT JUST HER (i shouldn’t have faves among the three i know, BUT I DO, IT’S HER, IT’S HER.)

Ok! On to the next section! And I’m going to cheat again because I can’t stop at three. SORRY. NOT SORRY. 

Characters I love and SHOULD write fic for if I weren’t such a tired and lazy bunny:  

Song Sa-hui from Rookie Historian: Oh, girl, girl, GIRL. I love how she fights to snatch her freedom from the jaws of the patriarchy. I love that she unapologetically centers herself while doing that, because she knows that nobody else will.  I love that she’s prickly and calculating. I love that she’s smart and knowledgeable. I am SO HAPPY that she got to carve out a little bit of freedom for herself, even if it also is exile to some degree. She *should * be Emperor Jin’s Prime Minister and steering the ship of state, while also carrying on a tumultous affair with Queen Min Woo-hee, while ALSO commiserating with Emperor Jin about his boyfriend Historian Min Woo-won’s regrettable tendency towards Principles (TM) and masochism-but-not-in-the-fun-way. (This takes up much of his time which is why Song Sa-hui is running the country, of course. It works out well for all concerned, well, except her dad, of course.)

Song Ga-gyeong from Search:WWW: What’s NOT to love about our brilliant, beautiful, emotionally tortured gay icon? Nothing, absolutely nothing. I loved how the show allowed her to be flawed and make bad decisions, and then allowed her to make better decisions and regain control of her life. What I do need to do, of course, is see the CANON LOVE STORY between her and Cha Hyeon through to the end. It must, of course, include at least one baseball game, a lot of tequila and messy beach kisses. 

Oh Ji-hwa from Beyond Evil: Oh boy, this year’s runaway hit cleared the extremely low bar for standard crime/ thriller shows by leaving more than one of its female characters breathing and with all limbs intact, and got called feminist for it BUT it didn’t do justice to any of them in any meaningful way and that never hurt more than in the way they sidelined Kim Shin-rok’s talent by not giving Oh Ji-hwa anything much to do. She’s a tough as nails cop, a loving sister, a devoted but unsentimental friend-and by rights SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE HEROINE OF THIS SHOW. My secret fic fantasy is to rewrite the show entirely by making her , and the two other female characters in non-antagonist roles- Yoo Jae-yi and Im Sun-nyeo- as the central characters, as they investigate a serial killer who targets women.  It’s the only acceptable version of this done-to-death (ha!) genre, I have no idea what the Baeksang jury and tumblr fandom is smoking when they hype the show so much, I want none of it. 

Jung Sun-ah from The Devil Judge: I love her rage, her spite, her passionate defense of women, her style, her sexiness, her rage, her rage, her brilliance, her tenaciousness, her smartness, her clothes, her refusal to hate herself for everything she is and chooses to be, her ambition, her comfort wielding power, her EVERYTHING. Dead, her? NOT IF I HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT. Here’s what *really * happened at the end of canon- she gets out of the building by planting that lady-like but still deadly gun against Kang Yo-han’s temple and making him lead her through his own “secret escape route” or whatever the fuck it was the show wanted us to believe. From there on out, it’s all sunshine and beaches, and scheming and waiting for the right moment to strike again-though of course, this time around, she also has to reckon with vigilant, tenacious cop Soo-hyun -another character who REALLY didn’t die for manpain reasons and had the good sense to leave her gay best friend to follow his psychopath boyfriend to Switzerland or wherever it is that star crossed lovers in kdrama land meet up on the regs these days- anyways, Soo-hyun and her are in this catch-me-if-you-can epic transnational honest and cute cop-and-beautiful sexy villain chase and yes, they WILL kiss (and more) AND IT WILL BE GLORIOUS. 

*whew *

Thanks for coming to my TEDTalk.

[windblume]

Tell us (if you want) about nikocado avocado! I'm kinda curious now

UGHHH I TYPED OUT SO MUCH AND THEN TUMBLR JUSY RANDOMLY CLOSED AND IT ALL GOT DELETED😭😭😭 so im too lazy now to do all of it again sorry. heres the gist (i promise i condensed it as much as i could; i left out a lot) (its really quite an interesting case)

basically he used to be a vegan and a talented violin player. he was a normal healthy weight, around 146 pounds i think? somewhere there. he even made a violin cover of a trisha paytas song which was his first instance of contact between them (more on that later). he made modest vegan mukbangs with his pet parrot on his shoulder, which gained him an audience among other mukbang youtubers. he made videos about veganism but he always expressed his disdain for the community, saying that they had a superiority complex and felt as if they were better than non vegans.

he later stopped being vegan and continued mukbang videos, now with meat. his portion sizes grew and grew with his audience. he had notably feigned ignorance toward his weight gain, saying it was stress, water weight, and genetics, so he ate more and more without worry. he had a boyfriend named orlin, and. get this. in a vlog they stated that nikocado had slept with several men and cheated on orlin, and then slept with orlin and gave him an std. at the time he was worried about his weight gain and worried about the effects on his health, but…. he never did anything to stop it, so. he just kept gaining weight

he got into many controversies with other mukbang channels, but i dont know too much about those. im going to talk about his two biggest controversies: with trisha paytas, and stephanie soo.

trisha and nikocado had started chatting and nikocado brought up the idea of a collab. at the time trisha seemed amiable to this idea, and nikocado hurriedly bought a plane ticket and flew out to meet trisha. when he arrived, he texted her repeatedly, but she had ghosted him. nikocado felt hurt, and then started slandering trisha on the internet repeatedly. most notably he edited a clip of trisha on younow with another youtuber, and made it seem as if trisha was making a fatphobic remark on his weight. if you watch the whole younow stream, she was actually defending him against the other youtuber. trisha has maintained that she never actually agreed to the collab and nikocado just got over-excited. things between trisha and nikocado never got resolved… they just kind of died down over time.

stephanie soo was the end of nikocado’s reputation. at the time she had moved into a million dollar apartment and invited nikocado over to check it out. while she was in the bathroom, nikocado took photos of intimate parts of her home without consent. stephanie also said that nikocado made her feel pressured and unsafe in his vicinity, but she didnt bring it up because she was scared of what reaction she would get. during their mukbang videos together, stephanie said she felt pressured and scared of nikocado. stephanie was a victim of sa and other various terrible experiences and she felt that being with nikocado had made her feel similar to her experiences in the past.

prior to this, nikocado had a reputation of being someone who was skilled at taking down his opponents in these internet fights. OH i forgot to mention that he was also in a fight with mukbang youtuber veronica wang, and just know that he was in the wrong. i forgot most of the context. but now, stephanie had released a video titled “Why I’m Scared of Nikocado Avocado” and he had tried to once again skillfully take her down, but he failed because he had zero evidence and all the evidence was pointing towards stephanie being correct. the internet turned on him, and just as recently as 12 days ago, hes trying to hit 400 pounds. god bless

[p1nkwitch]

Ok, i did not forget tmastuck is still alive, i just had lots of other ideas, but.

Here we go again. 3 conversations.

@nonbinaryeye

SINNAMONROLL started pestering BEATINGHEART

SR: How long Jonah?

BH: As long as it takes to reach the new session, then I can just leave if my presence is so annoying to you.

SR: Not what I mean and you know it. They are both looking for you. There are just so many times I can lie to their faces. So many times Kitty kat has to lie to her humans, she is sad Jonah.

BH: Do not put our child into this.

SR:...

BH:Ughhhh stupid cat brain.

SR: Still its actually bothering them.

BH: Oh and what should I do, let them find me? How do you think that would end? Hm? I basically took away their powers Barnabas, I let the institute- my institute get destroyed. There is no coming back from that.

BH: Then there is the whole other thing about not actually being anything that a copy!! What do I do with that?

SR: Look, I'm a copy too! I'm not the Barnabas Bennet that was, but I have his memories still. So what? I like this new life. This new chance!! You can have that too Jonah.

BH: We could…

SR: Oh Jonah we both know that it wouldn't work, we already tried and it fell apart. Its not me that you want anymore and I'm… more happy with just being friends this time around. It was stupid of us to even try again, i knew it, but i was just… lonely, heh. Neither is what the other wants. Not anymore.

BH: Maybe if we work on it! I could... try to change.

SR: No, no you won't, and honestly ? I don't want you to. Mistakes happen, otherwise we wouldn't keep falling into each other.

BH: Not all of it was a mistake, it couldn't have been!

SR: … Maybe, maybe not before, I will admit that, but you want more than I can give. That's not bad, it just means I'm not the one you should be getting it from. We worked before, but you have more memories of a life without me and you aren't the same person I loved then.

BH: If i'm not that, and i'm not Jonah, then who the hell am i?

SR: Well, that is really up to you I suppose. To figure it out. I… will keep them away still for a little bit more. But Jonah, I can't keep doing this forever. We are barely halfway through on the trip.

BH: So? Have you seen them, i- they are in love. God why would- i dont even know what else to say.

SR: Try, speak with them, figure out something. You are clever. I need to go, I'm supposed to play cards with Martin. Its funny, he reminds me of Jonathan…

BH: Im sorry.

SR: I know, but its not enough.

SR: Talk to you later ok?

BH: Sure.

SINNAMONROLL ceased pestering BEATINGHEART

BH: …

BEATINGHEART started pestering SPOOKYARCHIVE

BH: How are you holding on?

SA: … Not sure. Its weird.

BH: Breakups are always messy affairs.

SA: You would know wouldn't you?

BH: Rude, do you want me to leave Jon? Because I can. I'm fairly sure i'm the only one you are even talking with at this point.

SA: Not true, I speak with Daisy.

BH: Aha, how does that go for you?

SA: … Its ok, she tries to cheer me up and its… nice, but sometimes she insists on me to stop moping and well.

BH: Tiresome?

SA: Yes, so much. The other just don't want me near, and its- i dont even have my powers anymore, i thought- well i assumed that perhaps like this it would be better, but its like someone cut off something from me.

SA: Georgie tries, but if I mention anything regarding my powers she becomes upset. Melanie is… herself, that bridge got burned a long time ago. Basira.

BH: Ah the detective, she is… impassive i have come to understand.

SA: Yes, and it's confusing, because sometimes we can get along but others I just seem like the enemy. I'm starting to realize that perhaps it was always like that.

BH: Mm, how does that make you feel regarding what happened with Martin.

SA: I- god i was so stupid, i thought we could just be better now that i was cut off, that we could be together but it became obvious that we had two different views of things and it was always grating, I could overlook it, but Martin did not. And it- its not a break up just some time to think.

BH: Jon.

SA: Hahahaha, it's actually funny i think, that's exactly what Georgie told me before breaking up with me.

BH: I do not think its funny Jon.

SA: Well what else am I supposed to take from it???

SA: That I'm terrible at keeping things? That the people around me dont care?

BH: Purrhaps, you confuse coworkers with friends, Jon. Have… Do you have a good frame of reference? To know what is normal or not? I'm trying my best to not sound pushy since you established that does not help you. So think of this as your homework of sorts.

BH: Try and think of behaviour that points to them being friends or coworkers. Hell just go with trauma victims if it makes you feel any better, take that. Make a list and tell me the results.

BH: As for Martin, as you said I don't have the track record to help. Asking Elias… well he has Peter. So maybe that is more helpfur to you. But I doubt it. Listen, divorce your feelings on the matter and think objectively.

BH: Imagine…. imagine someone else, literally anyone you know and try to put them in your place. Would you accept them to be treated like that? Do you think its normal?

SA: I… don't, I really don't. God i'm a mess.

BH: You are something of a mess, but the blame is not on you completely. That others see you as an easy target for their own insecurities doesn't make you the one to blame. Now, you did make mistakes from what we talked about, and we addressed that and their consequences on your relationships before, like with Tim. But, clearly there are also things they are not dealing with either and they use you as a scapegoat.

SA: Don't try to put them against me.

BH: Oh Jon, the sad thing is, I don't have to.

SA: I… will try to speak with Martin again later.

BH: Ok. Good luck, do try to do what I asked you, ok?

SA: Yes… yes, sure. Thank you Jonah.

BH: You are welcome.

SA: … Will you speak with them?

BH: I can't. Goodbye.

BEATINGHEART ceased pestering SPOOKYARCHIVE

WEBDESIGNER started pestering BEATINGHEART

WD: ::::)

BH: What do you want Annabelle?

WD: Can a friend not say hello?

BH: Considering we are not friends and you weren't supposed to make it here, I hardly doubt it.

WD: Oh buuu you sad, sad man.

WD: Anyways, I saw those two moving around trying to find you, very sad. Peter was looking grumpy. Elias was very annoyed. Do you want a picture?

BH: Why are you bothering me with this??

WD: … Its… the first time in years that I don't have the web controlling my actions. I always liked to play matchmaker, before my change.

WD: Its refreshing to be able to say what I mean without pain or speaking in riddles. The trip gets boring otherwise. I have been pestering Martin, but he is stubborn. Plus poor sad Jon.

BH: Leave him alone please, he is already messed up enough as it stands and im playing therapist for free. No need to add more trauma.

WD: That you caused him, or the other you caused him. Its perhaps a very interesting thing that he chose the version of you that did not harm him to be his confidant don't you think? There is something there to be said, even psychoanalyzed.

BH: Annabelle the point.

WD: Right pictures.

WD: sent (picture)

BH:... Annabelle, they are just making out??!!? How did you-??

WD: I have secrets. Have some more.

WD: ATTACHED (PICTURES1,2,3,4)

WD:??? Are you ok? Its been 20 minutes??

WD: Did I kill you? They didn't even get to lose more than the shirts calm down, I was sure you got into more freaky stuff in your years.

BH: How??

WD: Do you want me to get more?

BH: No!!

WD: Are you sure? Trip is long… maybe you need something to keep you… mmm interested?

BH: I will leave.

WD: Sure, sure. Offer always stands. Anyways. I will just say, because i'm fully capable of it now. They very much want you in there too. Its very weird, but considering the things i have seen and done for the web its the least concerning thing.

WD: So stop hiding and go get your throupe you coward.

BH: ANNABELLE!!

WD: ;;;;)

WEBDESIGNER ceased pestering BEATINGHEART

[kitten-mafiagang]

Pretty Blue Flowers [Akaashi x Reader] Hanahaki AU!!

(Reader's pov)

Hi im (y/n) (l/n) from photography club and im not like the other girls in our class.Well many people doest really see me like im a ghost because im always the 2nd person on the background of the scene i guess..but i never knew someday ill be the main character...with a sad ending.

(At school)

I was running late to the photography club because m teacher just let me to some of the paperworks she suppose to do.

I opened the door panting.

"*pants* s-sorry im late Mitsuba..." i greeted my only friend mitsuba she is also at the photography club.

"(N/n)-chan!! we need to take some pics to every sports club today!! im assigned to the basketball club and you were assigned to the volleyball club!!" she cheered at me.

"Boys girls..?" i asked.

"boys" she replied.

"augh..this will be weird" i complained.

"Oh got to go now (n/n)-chan!! bye bye~" she left the club room.

'lets see whats interesting today...' i thought

(At the Gym)

Before i even opened the door i heard screams and noises.

"AKAAASHIIIIII" i opened the door and saw the boys in circle.

"Bokuto-sa-" the white haired ones cut him off.

"AKAASHI DONT TOSS TO ME AGAIN!!" he screamed.

I stood there and watched the small scene infront of me.The Black haired ones looked at me until.

"Look bokuto-san she got a camera i think shes from the photography club maybe shes here to take pictures of you as our ace.." the black haired ones pointed at me.

"e-eh?" i was confuse and all.

"R-REALLY?!" the white haired ones stood infront of me with a wide grin.The black haired ones looked at me and gives me the 'play along' looks.

"Y-YEAH!! Im here to takes pictures of the volleyball team most impoertantly the ace!" i smiled at him playing along.

(Timeskip after the picture taking)

After i took the pictures of the team,eh..mostly bokuto-senpai i hurried my way out silently not to attract attention.

"(l/n)-san.." akaashi-senpai called.

"a-akaashi-senpai what is it..?" i asked.

"You forgot this.." he handed me the camera.

"t-thanks akaashi-senpa-" he cut me off.

"Akaashi....call me akaashi" he said.

"o-oh ok then akaashi..."

Since that day i admired akaashi...ok not just admire i came up to love him.Its been days no weeks turn to months hanging out with bokuto and akaashi.

Until one day...

"(y/n)-chan!! Im right, right??!" bokuto screamed.

"Well yeah but arent great horned owls are indanger-" bokuto cut me off.

"AKAAASHIIII!!" bokuto called akaashi.

"Hey isnt that Miko-chan and akaashi-san...?" a student muttered.

"OH my god!! the two school prefect couples-" another one muttered.

Looking at the two i was suprised,akaashi has a girlfriend? are they really dating...? or its just mistunderstanding...

While i was in my deep thought i started to feel weird and itchy from my throat and i ran out of the scene and rushed to the bathroom.

"E-eh?! (y/n)-chan!!" bokuto-senpai called.

I ran out and rushed inside the bathroom and locked myself to a cubicle.I started to cough blood at the toilet bowl with few Pretty blue petals.

"F-flower...?" i was confuse and remembered what the two girls were talking about and i coughed more.

Its been a week since i was like this i also spit a whole flower which made me scared.

I searched up about this kind of symptoms,And i was suprise what pop out first 'Hanahaki disease' a disease for one sided love and also can cause death.

The whole night i was browsing how to remove this disease before it could kill me.There was two ways if i should take a operation or if the person i loved loves me back.

Well i dint tell my parents since they work in a different country...yeah i live alone.

(Timeskip at school)

(Akaashi's pov)

Its been a week since (y/n) was acting weird and it worries me and bokuto.She would always excuse herself whenever she sees me..is she avoiding me..?

did i do something...?

"Googmorning Miko-chan" I greeted Miko when i saw her at the hallways.

"Goodmorning too keiji-kun!!" she would call me by my first name always and it bothers me sometimes since people mistaken us couple.

I was about to walk forward when i saw (y/n) standing behind Miko.

"Keiji-kun what's wrong..?" Miko asked.

(Reader's pov)

They are couple!! First name basis...

It kinda saddens me so i decided to ran away from akaashi and Miko.I rushed at the bathroom and locked myself in a cubicle and starts vomiting and couching violently.

"T-thorns..?!" i was suprise this time i spit out a whole flower with thorns.

The whole day was very tiring so i decided not to go home yet since i could feel this is it.I went to the gym with my camera at my hands and i saw akaashi and bokuto practicing some cross shots and line shots.

When i was about to greet akaashi,Someone at my back shouted and ran inside.

"Keiji-kun!!" It was Miko she ran inside and greeted the two boys.

It pains me i could see his smile lingers from his face while talking to the cheerful Miko.Maybe i was the wrong thats right..Im just a background...a second person in the backline,I pulled my camera to take a picture of akaashi smiling.

Its a pretty smile...

As soon as Akaashi's pretty eyes glanced at mines i started to tear up and ran away.

I was at the school garden and saw the only blue flower at the flower pots.

I pulled my camera and take a shot of it..It was the same flower i always spit out its very pretty...like his eyes.

I went home and printed the picture out and started at it.

I wrote few words at the photo and went to bed.

"So this is how i end huh..."

"Well im glad i met you...Akaashi.." Everything turn black.

(At school)

(Akaashi's pov)

Its been two weeks since (y/n) dint go to school.I was heading to my classroom and saw few students holding few Blue flowers some of them have bouquet of white and blue roses.

I was confuse what happened? is there a event that i dint know?

I went to a classroom where few students where staring a table with many blue flowers and a pink haired female sobbing deeply.

"(N/N)-CHAAAAAAN~!!!" she sobbed more.Wait did she meant (n/n)..? as in (y/n)? i went closer to the table and putted my hands on her shoulder.

"What happened to (y/n)...?" i asked the pink haired female.

"A-akaashi-san?!" she was suprised.

"c-come ill explain!" she wiped her tears using her sweaters sleeves and dragged me out into the school garden.

"S-she...she has hanahaki.." she said blankly.

I knew the disease i heard about that before since some news channel shows victims of it.

"Who?" i asked her.

"what do you mean...?" she asked.

"who did she fell for...?" i asked.

"I dont know!! she only left one thing before she passed..." she pulled a photo and (y/n)'s camera.

"(n/n) would always take pictures of the most important things to her i dint get to see whats inside the camera but you could find it out yourself.." she said and ranned away maybe to her desk again.

I checked the photo of a Blue flower and something is written from the back of the picture.

'Pretty Blue Flowers' written behind it.

I soon checked her camera next and the first thing got my attention.

It was a picture of me tossing a ball and i checked more and there was me smiling when i was talking to Miko yesterday.

Did she like me....

I checked more things from the camera but theres nothing else important.

The only answer i got is

Pretty Blue Flowers....

[medievalcat]

ok. I finished Children of God (sequel to The Sparrow), and while I was able to follow it better than when I first read it (I think I was really distracted a few years ago, and had trouble focusing).....I didn’t like it as much as the first one, which I’m aware isn’t an unpopular opinion, even though I didn’t hate all of it. Here are my thoughts on why it didnt work imo and what I did like about it.

The Sparrow would naturally be a hard act to follow, and I get that sometimes sequels do different things than the first installations. book one is about Emilio and book two is about Rakhat. Okay. I think there’s a lot of interesting material that could have been made of Emilio, John, and all the new guys visiting Rakhat years after the first expedition. It’s what the author did- and, really, this was present in the first book as well, and one of the first book’s issues, but here it’s really one of the main points of the story and far more prominent than ever before- that didn’t succeed. It’s the story of Rakhat....but given how Rakhat is written, maybe it shouldnt have been. This book honestly ranged from “enjoyable” to “disappointing” to “implicitly or explicitly expressing horrible views”.

It’s one thing to make an oppression storyline in a fantasy setting- FMA for example does this. But in that, the victims are humans. In this, not only does the story do an oppression narrative about fantasy creatures, which is already a very difficult thing to pull off, she repeatedly draws comparisons between nonhuman aliens and things like the Holocaust and genocide and oppression of Native Americans. She even has her one native character draw this comparison and *stay behind on another planet instead of going to earth* for some “reservation” plotline at the end.  This is a good example of why when we criticize media sometimes we have to focus specifically on the writers who choose to make these events happen, who choose to write certain stories and who choose to frame them in certain ways. I’m kind of glad this book doesn’t have a fandom, really, because tumblr types would focus on which aliens’ side is “right” and not on the fact that the author chose to write some fantasy creature oppression story with incoherent imperialism commentary while trivializing real genocides. I remember a really uncomfortable paragraph in the first one that implied the Ottoman Empire was some kind of safe haven for all ethnic/religious groups as well as a line (keep in mind these were written in the 90s) about how Bosnia is violent because of ............ “blood feuds”. Many people have said this story is weak because it focused on these new alien characters and the Rakhat storyline so much. This, for me, is the main reason why that storyline was so weak.

One thing I liked was some of the new characters. I liked Danny and Joseba and Nico and Sean and Gina and Pope Gelasius. I think this book kind of did a “later season of Vikings” so that there were suddenly all these new people but few of them got good development. So that was a weakness but I didn’t mind many of the characters in and of themselves and enjoyed these new additions. Sure they weren’t like the people in the first book but that’s okay. They added new perspectives. Danny had a lot of interesting stuff about forgiveness that I liked. I also liked initially how Sofia was revealed to be alive but....she was shafted. We barely see her in favor of her badly offensively written written son (I know this was written 20 years ago but. the way he and his disability are portrayed as like...literally “alien” even though ths is supposed to be a “positive”.... is honestly....why  the living fuck did she do this....) and Supaari’s daughter who he CONCEIVED FROM RAPE and we’re just supposed to be ok with that bc the author very conveniently wrote the victim to be as unsympathetic as possible and because “uwu miracle of life!! yay children!” I’m supposed to buy that Sofia, a child trafficking survivor, is allies and friends with a man who not only is a rapist but sold a person she loved into sex slavery.......after the narrative called to attention how similar Sofia and Emilio’s experiences were, and the first book was an imperfect story but a deep introspective exploration of the effects of SA.....lol ok. And then she gets killed off at the end offscreen in a single sentence.

There’s also....I really doubt she intended some of this but it’s clearly in the story .... it really has bad implications, that the only relations between men are abusive in both books. there are literally no other relations between men, even though there is a gay character (who I understand  is a celibate priest, and having a gay priest is cool!) but....it just doesnt have good implications that relations between men are only ever presented as bad. especially because the thing that truly “heals” Emilio is being with a woman and I think in our society (and thus our media) we have a real problem with thinking that “healing�� as a sexual abuse victim means having sex with a man if youre a woman and with a woman if you’re a man, and that male sa victims of men are only really victims if they like women (and, of course, women sa victims in general just have to like men). Of course there is nothing wrong with Gina, I loved her, and nothing is wrong with writing an sa survivor who is able to have a relationship after. But MDR killed her off for no good reason. The other crew members dying in the first book, those were well written character deaths. and how many times did she do the “this woman died but thats whatever narratively, because she has a kid uwu miracle of life” thing in this sequel. I think MDR is like GRRM in that she has good intentions clearly, and has such good sff works/characters and takes oh the Human Experience and everything, but doesn’t always know how to handle issues in a responsible way and it’s really glaring even if there are obviously worse people in media. To be honest (and again, here Im glad there’s no fandom, because people are so weird about this stuff) MDR should have just had Emilio and John be together. “Your friendship should have been proof enough of God” ???????? hello??????  Their relationship was one of  the things that actually was well fleshed out in the sequel until John and all the other guys who weren’t in the Camorra  just.....stayed on Rakhat forever.

Part of the handling of Sofia seemed like a broader pattern of the plot being completely forced. Everything happens for some sake of The Plot- this is something later seasons of GOT have been criticized for. This plot in particular, in addition to the alien oppression metaphor, seemed to want to make everything about the story in particular its end be some kind of “bookend” to mirror the first book. Sofia dies (for real this time. honestly....her death in the first one was good writing!), Emilio and his unlikely escorts go home, no one else gets to go home, there’s a huge societal upheaval on Rakhat because of the humans, a huge reveal about Rakhat’s “divine” music. I have nothing against this kind of narrative device but when it’s this forced to the point where the story is blatantly constructed for the sake of this......it didn’t work. The “music” plot twist was like..............really??? All of that? They’re staying on this planet? If they had all gotten more time in the story (because this book is the same length as the first book but has far more different subplots and far longer of a timespan and far more narrators) we might  find that more plausible. I don’t think everything needs to be spelled out for us. In the first book when everyone is stranded, it’s clear that they think this is tragic, but they are trying to make the best of it because they all love each other and are together. In this one they don’t all have that kind of bond and it’s dependent on the long-winded and incoherent Rakhat political storyline. Because a lot of it isn’t even that well developed in addition to the earlier addressed things. We go between random one-off characters. So much is about the war but it’s written so anti-climatically. Sofia broke down in the first book when she learned they were stranded, and now she doesn’t care at all about returning back to Earth because the Runa are “her people” now, but how much of that is really what she tells herself to cope with what she lost- and what she experienced on earth in her youth? we don’t know. The Pope just....sent Emilio who became probably the most infamous person on Earth, back into space, and it wasn’t a big deal for the Church or at all? And all it took for it to happen was a handful of Camorra men with Vatican connections, who were just adapted so well to space travel and extended time on a new planet that initially made the people in the first book sick when transitioning into life there? And let me reiterate we’re supposed to accept that the divinely ordained reason all this happened was because Isaac wrote music inspired by human and alien dna and it sounded wonderful? 

This just felt very forced. “Emilio never wants to go back to Rakhat so obviously this book has to be about how he goes back there and accepts that it actually happened for a Good Reason bc of some music, and music was the way they found it in the first place.” How about how he accepts that it happened and comes to terms with what happened to him without either hating himself for his actions or thinking it was all For The Greater Good Actually, because you cant undo the past, aka what the first book was building up to and culminated in? idk. the first book was all about how bad things happen and that this doesn’t mean we have to give up our faith even if we question our faith. this was more like “every cloud has a silver lining lol”.

There were many nice things- Emilio’s friendship with Nico, many of the moments with Sofia towards the end and her reuniting with Emilio, John getting more to do, the new Pope, Celestina ending up having an important job as a theater and leaving a trail of men in her wake lol. I don’t want to say don’t read this. But if you like the first book you might not like this one, and if you’re considering reading the first book, it.....works best as a standalone.