#‘i’m not that upset’ (<<< he is lying) | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

berfgrimm · 20 hours ago

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girl i know | choi seunghyun + kwon jiyong

pairing: choi seunghun x f!reader x kwon jiyong warnings: smut, threesome, unprotected sex, oral, deepthroating, slight facefucking, brief spanking, choking, name calling, overstimulation, a smidge of angst, brief smoking, fluff, and two guys who have a hard time figuring out how to share. note: i intended for this to be shorter, but it just kept going. i hope you all enjoy!

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Seunghyun and Jiyong are both very different men. In public, Seunghyun generally likes to be the center of attention, especially when he can make people laugh. Jiyong, on the other hand, was more reserved, comfortable staying in the background to let his friend be the leader. In private, however, it’s the opposite. Seunghyun is calm and calculated, preferring to take his time building you up to your climax to make sure you feel him all over. Jiyong is more erratic, the king of excess, not stopping until he’s made you come at least two times. No matter what, you were always satisfied and so were they.

You had started casually sleeping with both of them around the same time, though Seunghyun was first. After a night out with Seunghyun and his bandmates, you ended up in his hotel room to watch a movie and, as it goes, one thing led to another. It was only a few weeks later that Jiyong happened after a conversation involving the most orgasms you’ve had in one night – the answer was one, and Jiyong was upset for you. He said it was only right for him to show you the way it should be done.

You were clear with both of them about your intentions: you didn’t want anything serious and you would be seeing other people, which they both agreed to. You never talked with them about the other, but you never thought that you were hiding it. You assumed they knew that you were sleeping with both of them because they were best friends and they always told each other everything.

As you were preparing to leave for work, Jiyong asked you to meet him outside of the warehouse where they were filming the video for Zutter to drop off his earbuds that he left at your apartment. Of course you agreed, knowing that you would likely get a few of his signature sloppy kisses out of it. When you pulled around to the side of the building, out of view of the crew to afford you some privacy, you sent Jiyong a message to let him know you’d arrived.

It didn’t take long for him to exit the building, keeping his head low as he walked hurriedly towards your car. It made the meeting feel clandestine, but you knew he was a private person and was trying to keep a low profile. When he slipped into the passenger side of the car, he let out a long sigh and looked at you immediately, something burning in his eyes already.

“I’m not going to fuck you in my car, if that’s what you were expecting.”

You were lying; of course you would have done it if he asked, but you wanted to joke with him to gauge his mood. He laughed, shaking his head, picking up his earbuds from the center console and slipping them into his pocket.

“Come here,” Jiyong invited you over with a crook of his fingers. You leaned towards him, meeting halfway across the armrests to kiss. At first it was softer than you expected, but, as if he needed to switch into his alter-ego, he deepened the kiss, having you inching closer, hand fumbling to unbuckle your seatbelt to allow more movement. “I want you to come over to mine tonight,” he muttered against your lips, his hand tightening on your throat, keeping you close. “I have a new set of sheets we need to break in.”

You couldn’t help but giggle, a flush creeping up your cheeks as you agreed to meet him later at his home. When he began to whisper in your ear, telling you all of the filthy things he planned to do to you in his bed, he gently bit your earlobe, as if to give you a preview of what’s to come. You smiled sheepishly, nuzzling your head against him, your fingers toying with the star necklace he wore.

“I think we’ve been caught,” Jiyong’s tone was amused, and you were unsure what he was referring to, until your eyes fluttered open, finding Seunghyun standing several feet away from your car, a cigarette between his lips. “I’ve been talking to him for weeks about the girl I’ve been fucking.”

“Wait, you never told him that it was me?”

“No, why would I?”

“Shit,” you muttered, exiting the car and walking closer to Seunghyun.

“Well, you did tell me that you were sleeping with someone else,” he spoke before you had a chance, pausing to take a puff on his cigarette. “I didn’t expect it to be my best friend.”

“Seunghyun, I’m sorry. I assumed you guys would talk to each other about who you sleep with.”

“You’ve been sleeping with him?” Jiyong’s voice didn’t sound upset, but confused as he walked up beside you. The only thing you could do was sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose as you felt a headache coming on.

“I didn’t plan on this,” you began to explain. “It just happened with both of you.”

You didn’t want to explain, part of you felt like you shouldn’t have to since you were clear that you weren’t exclusive with either of them. Another part of your mind was screaming that you should apologize, because they both certainly looked like their feelings were hurt. It wasn’t your intention — you thought that maybe they were into it.

“I’m sorry,” you said, keeping your voice soft. “I thought you guys were turning it into a competition or something. Like you were both trying to outdo each other. I’ve been getting off every night, so I had no complaints.”

You paused long enough to gauge their reactions, but neither of them gave any indication of their feelings. You were sure that you could come up with better apologies but knew that it was getting close to your rehearsal time, and you couldn’t be late.

“Listen, I have a dress rehearsal in thirty minutes,” you said. “I’m more than happy for us to talk about this some more—”

“Go ahead,” Seunghyun interrupted. “We’ll talk later.”

You only nodded, assuming that they needed time to talk through some things together. You turned from them, walking back towards your car, but you stopped for a moment to spare them another look with a smile on your lips.

“I love the suits,” you said. “You guys look sexy.”

But now, it’s been three days and you haven’t heard from either of them. You find yourself distracted wondering if you ruined things with both of them, or even worse, ruined their friendship. It plagues your thoughts as you shift into autopilot while finishing your makeup for the show.

You should be thinking about your performance. It’s the first time that you’ve been one of the lead dancers for a group, and your focus should be on putting on a good show. But instead, you’re thinking about Seunghyun and Jiyong. You wonder what they’re doing now, and what they talked about after you left them. Thankfully, after a final pep talk with your fellow dancers, you’re able to lock in to focus on giving your best performance.

You’re paired with Hae-il, the rapper of an up-and-coming band that you’ve been getting acquainted with over the last several weeks of rehearsals. He’s funny and kind, doing everything to make sure you are comfortable especially since one of your dances together includes some heavy touching and a kiss. You aren’t nervous about any of it — you’ve been in more dance routines than you can recall, and are comfortable with any type of performance.

What you didn’t expect is Seunghyun and Jiyong seated in the balcony, speaking quietly back and forth to one another. You spot them during one of the group’s opening songs, and wonder if they’re attending to support a new group or to see you. Certainly it doesn’t have anything to do with you, at least that’s what you tell yourself so you can focus on your dancing.

When it’s finally time for your big dance, Seunghyun and Jiyong have been watching you all night. They’d mumble back and forth, barely taking their eyes off of you, but their expressions never changed. You could not read what they were saying or thinking, and it drove you crazy. You have to push the feelings from your mind to focus on your choreography – you’re a professional, afterall.

You’re center stage with Hae-il while he raps his verse. You’re in front of him grinding back against him, with his hand pressed to your pelvis to keep you firmly in place. The next move has Hae-il spinning you around so you’re face to face, and he smiles excitedly at you, slipping his hand down to grab your backside, keeping you close. The last steps include a dip where he grips your thigh, lifting it to pin it to his side, so that his crotch is pressed against you. You can hear the crowd cheering, but you lock eyes with Hae-il, preparing for the kiss.

You’ve never gotten a response from a crowd quite like the one you receive when you finally kiss Hae-il. In your mind, the kiss felt like a peck, your brain on autopilot like it was during all of your performances. When you and Hae-il switch places with another dancer and singer, you drop into the background and pick up the choreography while they have their solo.

You didn’t notice Seunghyun’s and Jiyong’s reactions to the choreography and the kiss. If you had, you’d have seen Seunghyun’s absolutely scandalized expression when Hae-il grabbed you. You would have seen Jiyong laughing as you kissed Hae-il. But more importantly, you would have seen the shift in their expressions when they saw the way you smiled at Hae-il after the kiss ended. You’d never known Seunghyun or Jiyong to be jealous, so the thought didn’t occur to you that a simple smile to what you considered a friend would set off their proposition for you.

Jiyong texts you when the show ends, asking you to meet at Seunghyun’s home so you could all hang out. You’re relieved knowing that you haven’t completely ruined your friendship with the two men, and immediately text Jiyong back to let him know you’ll see them soon.

An hour later, you park at Seunghyun’s, and grab your belongings from the passenger seat, keeping your head down as you enter his home. Seunghyun greets you at the door, taking your bag so you can slip your shoes off. You notice that he and Jiyong both are wearing the suits that they wore those few days prior during their video shoot.

“Do you need anything to drink?” Seunghyun asks as you sit on the sofa beside Jiyong.

“No, thank you,” you smile at him, watching him sit on the other side of you.

You chat idly for a few minutes before you notice that they’ve somehow managed to scoot closer to you, leaving you very little wiggle room between them. Your mind races, wondering what they’re thinking about as they suddenly grow quiet. Thinking about being so close to both of them like this, smelling their cologne, hearing them breathe steadily, feeling the heat resonating off of them…

“I think I need some water,” you say, finding yourself parched suddenly.

“I’ll get some,” Jiyong says, his tone clearly amused.

When he leaves you alone with Seunghyun, you peek to the side to see his eyes already on you, blinking slowly with a faint smile on his lips. It’s a look he’s given you before on nights similar to this: the two of you would sit quietly on the sofa beside each other until he couldn’t take it anymore, and would lay you back on the sofa while he got on his knees and ate you out for what would feel like hours. You blush when you think of it, breaking eye contact with him to look at the floor.

“Are you shy now?” Seunghyun asks. “Did you think of what happened last time you were here with me?” His tone is a little more teasing than you’ve grown to expect from him, and you still can’t bring yourself to look into his eyes again, not yet. Not when you don’t know what he and Jiyong discussed.

“Seunghyun, please,” you say. You mean for him to stop looking at you with that intensity, but Jiyong reenters the room with a glass of water in his hand, almost skipping towards you.

“I love hearing you beg,” Jiyong chuckles, handing you the glass. “Though, when she begs for me, it’s a little different.” The heat hits your cheeks, spreading from your neck as you catch his implication, so you take a long sip of your water. “Oh, Ji, just like that!” he teases, pitching his voice higher. “Please, don't stop!” He plops onto the sofa beside you again, spreading his knees wide, and with a long whine, closes his eyes and throws his head back.

“I’ve never sounded like that before.” You intend for your voice to sound confident, however, a quake finds its way through, and you hope neither of them notice. Judging from the way Jiyong whips his head forward to stare directly into your eyes, a smile pulling at the corners of his lips, you know you’ve been caught. “I haven’t,” you insist, trying to cement your argument, but Jiyong is already shaking his head, swooping closer to press his lips to your ear.

“You’ve sounded way worse.” You lose yourself in the way his breath feels on your skin, the smell of his cologne making your head spin. “I’ve talked about it with Seunghyun,” he continues, mouth now pressing against your shoulder to deliver a small bite through your shirt.

“No, you haven’t.” Without intending to, you crane your neck as if you are inviting him in, an offer that he quickly accepts, teeth softly claiming the skin near your pulse.

“He has,” Seunghyun murmurs. “He said you’re the neediest girl he’s ever been with. I’d have to agree with him.” Your heart rate accelerates as Jiyong’s teeth near your jaw and the bites start to turn more aggressive, as if he’s attempting to leave a mark. “Are you serious, Jiyong?” You expect for Seunghuin to sound hurt, but instead his voice is sharper, angrier. You open your eyes and tilt your head to look towards him, finding him glaring at Jiyong with his eyebrows knitted in frustration.

“Uh-oh,” Jiyong says, with a smirk. “Am I in trouble?”

“We haven’t even discussed our idea yet,” Seunghyun says. “You’ve never been able to control your urges.”

“Not when it comes to her. I would have thought you felt the same.”

“Can you stop talking about me like I’m not here?” you say, gently shoving Jiyong away by pressing your hand to his chest. “What ‘idea’ are you talking about?”

“We talked about how things could move forward,” Sunghyun begins, crossing his legs so he can lean against the arm of the sofa. “I think we were surprised that you chose to be involved with both of us, but now that we talked about it, it’s clear that we have the same goal: to make you feel good.”

“We don’t care if you want both of us,” Jiyong says. “We thought maybe you’d like to try something new…” At first, you don’t pick up on what he’s suggesting. You glance back and forth between the two men, taking in their slightly devious expressions, and that’s when it hits you.

“Are you guys…do you mean a threesome?”

“I bet you’ve thought about it before,” Jiyong teases, pinching your side.

“Maybe,” you reply, looking towards Seunghyun, who has suddenly grown very quiet. “Is that what you want to do?”

“I want to do whatever you want,” he replies, leaning towards you for a kiss.

Generally, Seunghyun’s kisses remain tame, even when passionate they do not feel possessive. Tonight, however, you know Jiyong’s eyes are on you, and certainly Seunghyun is aware he is being watched. So he slides his tongue into your mouth with more determination, enough to earn a small whimper from you, your fingers grasping his tie to pull him closer. With a soft chuckle, he pulls away, his teeth faintly nipping at your bottom lip which causes you lean in to him for more.

“Easy,” Seunghyun whispers, licking his lips.

“That felt excessive,�� Jiyong says. “I can tell you don’t do that too often.” Jiyong’s voice, while still playful, is full of provocation, as if he is trying to point out the distinction between himself and Seunghyun as lovers. You can feel Seunghyun tense at your side, most likely preparing to tell off his friend, but you press your hand against his thigh to stop him.

“You’re both different,” you say. “One of you has things that you’re better at than the other. But it’s balanced.”

“I’ll bet I can figure out the things I’m better at,” Jiyong mutters, leaning in to kiss you now. His mouth doesn’t stay on yours for long, however, as his mouth trails down to your throat again, resuming his previous task of biting your skin. His fingers gently wrap around your throat, holding you in place as he works to leave a mark on your neck. “I’ll bet…” he breathes. "Seunghyun doesn’t do this, hm? He doesn’t like leaving his mark on you. I’ve never seen any marks that I didn’t give you."

“I know what you’re trying to do,” Seunghyun mutters, as Jiyong leaves a final kiss on the mark he’d created on your skin. “We agreed that we’d take care of her together if that’s what she wanted. I’m not going to spend the whole night arguing with you.” Jiyong smirks at his friend, shrugging his shoulders in response.

“Not my fault you don’t want to claim your property,” Jiyong says.

You notice the look on Seunghyun’s face, as if he takes offense to what Jiyong implied. Pulling your right leg up to press your heel into the cushion of the sofa, you hike your skirt up enough to show Jiyong the nearly faded hickey that Seunghyun left on your inner thigh.

“Some of us like to be a little more discreet,” Seunghyun says, a newfound smugness to his tone.

“Alright, settle down now,” you laugh, dropping your leg and smoothing out your skirt. “If we’re going to do anything, you guys need to chill out. Let’s put on a movie for a while.”

“Fine,” Jiyong shrugs, taking your glass of water so he can have a sip.

It takes longer than it should for you all to decide on a movie, but Seunghyun makes the final call and puts on something none of you have seen before. While the movie’s credits play, you get comfortable, laying with your head in Seunghyun’s lap and your legs stretched across Jiyong’s. You all remain quiet once you’re comfortable, and you take the opportunity to think about the proposition you’ve been given.

You’ve never been involved in a threesome before, though you have thought about it on a few occasions. Specifically, you thought about it with Seunghyun and Jiyong. Once you started sleeping with both of them, you assumed this would be what your relationships would lead to. However, after the looks on their faces a few days prior, you had already wiped that idea from your mind.

As you think, you zone out, not paying attention to the movie at all. Sensing your disconnection, Seunghyun takes hold of one of your hands, rubbing his thumb in a soothing motion. You smile up at him, your heart swelling at how soft his expression is. For a moment, you’re lost in Seunghyun’s eyes, until you feel Jiyong start to stroke your shin, as if he wants your attention, too.

Raising Seunghyin’s hand to your mouth, you press the knuckle of his index finger to your lips, and bare your teeth enough to gently bite him. Making sure that Jiyong doesn’t feel left out, you shift your leg enough to press your heel to his knee, shoving softly – enough to let your skirt hike up and give him a view of your panties.

“How do you think we would explain this if Daesung and Taeyang walked in?” you ask, with a small laugh.

“Explain what?” Jiyong says, craning his neck to see what kind of panties you’re wearing. “That you're a slut?”

“Hey!” Seynghyun snaps, snatching his hand from yours and smacking Jiyong on the arm with the back of his hand. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” Jiyong giggles, playfully cowering from Seunghyun, and shielding his arm from another possible attack.

“Calm down,” Jiyong replies. “I guess you two don’t do the name-calling thing, huh?” It takes a moment for Seunghyun to understand what Jiyong says, and you feel your cheeks flushing as realization spreads across his face.

“You call...?” Seunghyun drops his gaze from Jiyong towards you where you still lay with your head in his lap. “He calls you a slut? You like when he calls you that?” Unsure if your cheeks flush from embarrassment or excitement hearing the words coming from Sunghyun’s mouth, you bite your lip, quickly glancing to Jiyong then back to Seunghyun.

“Yeah,” you breathe, biting your lip.

“Likes it?” Jiyong scoffs. “She fucking loves it. You want to talk about being needy? Try wrapping your hand around her throat and calling her a slut, you’ll see how desperate she can get.”

“Jesus Christ,” you groan, only slightly annoyed while you feel the ache between your legs. Jiyong slips his hand between your thighs, pinching the spot where Seughyun had left a hickey. “Fuck, Ji,” you whisper, trying to maintain your composure, though your voice betrays you, the response you gave coming out as more of a moan than you intended.

“See? It doesn’t take much with this one.’

“Full of surprises,” Seunghyun murmurs, his fingers ghosting over your throat.

“If you would relax once in a while, then maybe you could try some new stuff with her,” Jiyong says, looking across you to Seunghyun. “I’ve told you before I think you’re too restrained when it comes to women. Sometimes they like you to be rough with them.”

“Okay, stop,” you say, slapping their hands away from you as you climb off of the sofa to stand before them. “I told you guys to stop talking about me like I’m not here.” You smooth your skirt out, glaring between the two men.

“Sorry,” Jiyong grins, holding his hands up.

“Please, sit back down,” Seunghyun says, patting the seat beside him. “We’ll stop.” You let out a huff, feeling yourself shaking with the overload of different emotions.

“I need a minute,” you nod. “I’m going to use the bathroom, maybe have a smoke.”

“Should we…pause the movie?” Jiyong asks, gesturing towards the television. “I don't want you to miss any of it.”

“Do you not feel comfortable with this?” Seunghyun asks, his voice gentler and more tuned-in to the situation than Jiyong. However, when Jiyong hears the tone of his friend’s voice, his expression changes to match the concern that Seunghyun is giving you. Maybe you were too harsh with them.

“It’s okay,” you say, softening your voice. “I’m not saying I don’t want us to do this. I would like for you two to stop being quite so argumentative, though.” You take the glass of water from Jiyong once again, giving them a smile. “If you can’t get along, then how do I know you’ll be able to share?” you add, your smile turning into a teasing smirk.

Before either man can speak, you turn from them, heading towards the kitchen. As you wash your glass, you can hear the men in the other room talking to one another in slightly hushed tones; their voices are sharp and it’s clear that they’re arguing. Normally, you wouldn’t smile when you hear your friends having a heated conversation like this, but you know that they’re taking your advice and trying to work things out.

You give them a bit of time, stepping outside to get some cool breeze on your heated skin while you smoke a cigarette. Your mind races with visions of how the rest of the night may go, and you decide to speed things up a little, before the men inevitably start bickering again. When you step back inside, you slip your panties off, dropping them into your bag in the guest room. Smoothing your skirt out again, you walk back into the living room to join the men, who have stopped arguing and are quietly watching the movie.

“Hey, babe,” Jiyong grins, sitting up higher in his seat. “We missed you.” You notice that they’ve both removed their jackets, and Seunghyun loosened his tie; you wonder if they got so annoyed with one another that they needed to cool off as well. With a smile, you quickly swoop in to kiss Jiyong gently on the lips, then lean towards Seunghyun to kiss him as well.

“What was that for?” Seunghyun whispers, grabbing your hips in an effort to pull you onto his lap, but you giggle, pulling away from him so you can wedge yourself between them on the sofa once again.

“Sorry for running off,” you say, staring at the television, trying to understand what’s happening in a movie that you’ve already missed ten minutes of.

“Don’t apologize,” Seunghyun says. “We’ve been competitive as long as we’ve known each other. Sometimes we don’t realize we’re doing it.”

“It can’t be easy dealing with both of us,” Jiyong adds, snatching one of the oversize blankets from the arm of the sofa, and spreading it out over all of your laps. “We’ll catch you up on the last few minutes.”

Once they make sure you understand what you missed in the first several minutes of the movie, you all settle into a comfortable silence again. Beneath the blanket, you hold onto both of their hands, resting on either man’s thigh. It feels gentler and more romantic than you expect of the situation, and you realize that they’re waiting for you to take the next step.

You lick your lips and spread your thighs just a bit so you don’t draw too much attention to yourself before you guide Seunghyun’s hand between your thighs, unlacing your fingers so he takes the hint. You notice the change in his expression from the corner of your eye, but he tries to be discreet, pressing his hand against your inner thigh. You’re sure your grip on Jiyong’s hand tightens the higher Seunghyun’s hand creeps, but he doesn’t seem to react. As soon as Seunghyun’s hand reaches your wetness, he noticeably reacts, straightening out his back, and leaning closer towards you.

“Have you not been wearing panties this whole time?” Seunghyun’s voice manages to be soft and deep all at once, his fingers stroking lazily over you. The noise he releases in your ear, halfway between a grunt and a moan, makes you blush, almost feeling shy. “Maybe…Jiyong was right about you being a slut,” he whispers, dragging his damp fingers across your inner thigh. He tilts his head to peer beyond you, getting Jiyong’s attention as he grabs the wrist of the hand you are holding, pulling it between your thighs.

“Well, what do we have here?” Jiyong smirks, when Seunghyun releases his grip.

For a moment, you can only see the television in front of you, trying to remember what is happening to the characters, but as soon as Jiyong’s fingers begin to stroke your clit, you snap back to focus. With a whimper, your head drops to Seunghyun’s shoulder so you can angle your head to peer at Jiyong.

“Good girl,” Seunghyun whispers, wrapping his arm around your shoulders to allow you to shift your body closer to him, your back pressing against him now. Another whimper echoes in your throat, your legs beginning to feel restless as Jiyong’s fingers tease your clit faster.

“Here,” Jiyong says, grabbing your thigh with his free hand, and yanking it so that your leg drapes over his lap to give him more access to you. His fingers speed up already, rubbing quick and tight circles, only making you drip even more onto the cushion below you.

“Please, Ji,” you whine.

“Doesn’t she sound hot when she begs?” Jiyong asks, looking beyond you to see Seunghyun.

“She does,” Seunghyun murmurs, pressing a kiss to your temple. “What are you begging for, baby? Tell us what you need.” Your words start to leave you as you feel surrounded by the two men, your senses overwhelmed. “Hey,” Seunghyun says, softly, as your eyes slip closed. “Stay with us. We’re just getting started.”

Much to your surprise, Seunghyun’s fingers begin to curl around your throat, applying enough pressure for you to feel your breathing strain. Instinctively, you spread your legs wider, your hand blindly feeling for Seunghyun’s leg, fisting his pant leg. At the same time, you feel Jiyong shifting from the sofa, throwing the blanket from your laps and dropping to his knees on the floor. He grabs your leg nearest to Seunghyun, and guides it over his lap, which Seunghyun happily accepts, gripping your thigh with his free hand.

Jiyong resumes his teasing of your clit with his fingers, but now uses his other hand to begin teasing your entrance. You whine, shifting your hips, your hand now gripping onto Seunghyun’s arm that is around you, his hand still grasping your throat. Jiyong’s eyes lock with yours from his spot on the floor, a devious grin spreading across his lips.

“More,” you whine, not sure who you’re talking to specifically.

“Anything for you, babe,” Jiyong says, slipping two fingers inside of you. You moan at the intrusion, knowing how much Jiyong loves to make it hurt just a little bit – a sensation you always welcome.

“Be careful,” Seunghyun says, his voice strained as though he was trying to hold back his frustration.

“She likes it when you’re rough with her,” Jiyong answers, laughing and nodding his head towards his friend. “Tighten your grip on her throat, and watch what that does to her.” You can feel Seunghyun tense against you, so you nuzzle your head against him, hoping it urges him on.

Seugnhyun’s fingers tighten around your throat and you let out a soft, strangled gasp in response. Your back arches, desperate to feel him touching you even more, so you grab for his hand that still braces your knee on his lap. He takes the hint, helping your leg drape over his knee so he can cup your breast over your shirt, squeezing softly like he always loves to do.

While Jiyong continues to pump his fingers into you, deeper until you feel his ring inside of you, he begins to suck on your inner thigh, clearly attempting to leave a hickey of his own directly next to the nearly faded one from Seunghyun. When Jiyong shoves his fingers into you particularly hard, you let out a noise much louder than you intended, causing Seunghyun to release your throat, slightly panicked.

“Fuck, it’s okay,” you assure him, dragging his hand back towards you by his forearm. This time his hand grips your jaw softly, angling your head towards him so he can see your eyes. “It’s okay,” you smile, nodding your head. “It felt really good, baby.” Seunghyun is entranced, caught up entirely in the way you’re moaning and rocking your hips against Jiyong’s rough movements.

Seunghyun releases his grip on your jaw, his fingers tracing over your lips and you instinctively part them, so your tongue touch his digits. Feeling the invitation, Seunghyun eases two of his fingers into your mouth. It wasn’t something you’d done with him before, but you think about it almost every time he touches you – his long and slender fingers delving between your lips, touching your tongue.

“Damn,” he mutters, kissing the side of your head. “Did you teach her this?” His gaze cuts to Jiyong and you lower your eyes as well, finding Jiyong’s eyes already on you, transfixed by what you’re doing to Seunghyun.

“No, that’s all her,” Jiyong breathes. “It’s hot.”

At the sound of Jiyong’s voice, hushed and slightly dazed, you feel yourself clench around his fingers, and he draws his bottom lip between his teeth from the sensation. He stops rubbing your clit and lowers his hand to adjust himself within the now strained material of his pants. Still sucking softly on Seunghyun’s fingers, you slip your hand between your thighs in an attempt to touch yourself.

“No, no,” Seunghyun says. “That’s our job.”

Seunghyun slowly withdraws his fingers from your mouth, grabbing your wrist to move your hand back onto his thigh. He reaches over your leg, fingers finding your clit immediately as his hands bump against Jiyong's, both of them finding a place to share. It takes a few moments for them to sync up, finding a perfect rhythm but unfortunately it doesn’t last long as Jiyong starts to pump his fingers faster.

“Slow down,” Seunghyun says.

“Speed up,” Jiyong counters, with a smirk.

“Jesus, can you please just get it together?” You try to make your voice stern, but it comes out in more of a whimper, your body feeling overwhelmed, already on edge. “I’m so fucking close, just please make me come.”

The two men share a look, and you feel Seunghyun begin to match Jiyong’s rhythm, his unoccupied hand now pressing to your throat softly to hold you against him. Your breath comes in quick, uncontrollable pants, becoming too blissed out to even think. You struggle to keep your eyes open when Jiyong starts muttering to you about how hot you look, and Seunghyun praises you for how good you are.

You try your best to work your hips against their motions, but in an effort to not draw attention, you are slightly subdued. Still, you feel yourself approaching your climax.

“So good for us,” Seunghyun whispers, pressing a kiss to your temple, his fingers keeping up with the quick thrusts of Jiyong’s fingers just as you feel the tension inside of you begin to snap.

You don’t hold back your moans, rolling your hips to meet the movement of their hands, wanting the sensation to continue forever. They don’t slow their pace, working you hard and fast to work you through your climax. Your nerves begin to feel as though they are on fire, your body becoming hypersensitive, so you hurriedly stop their motions, relaxing against Seunghyun.

“Fuck,” you breathe out. “That was incredible.”

“Oh, we can do better,” Jiyong grins, slowly pulling his fingers from you. Quickly, you take them both by their wrists, yanking their hands towards your mouth so you can clean their digits of the taste of you. “I don’t know if I’ve ever been this hard in my life,” Jiyong mutters, watching you carefully.

“Me neither,” Seunghyun agrees, his voice tight. “Come here.” Seunghyun moves you how he wants you, helping you along as you straddle his lap. His hands set firmly on your hips to pull you down on top of him, allowing you to feel him through his pants. His fingers deftly unzip your skirt, snatching it from you and discarding it to the side. “I’ll show you how to take care of her,” Seunghyun says to Jiyong.

“Let me guess,” Jiyong says, sitting down on the sofa. “Slow and sensual.”

“You don’t have to rush things,” Sunghyun says, guiding you to slowly grind against his pants. You whimper at the sensation against your already tender clit, so you set your hands on his shoulders to support your movements. “Does it feel good, beautiful?” he asks, peering up at you with a tender gaze that usually accompanies your solo nights together.

“Yes,” you whisper, nodding slowly.

“But you love it fast, too, don’t you, angel?” Jiyong’s voice is different from Seunghyun’s – he’s teasing you by being sickly sweet, clearly making fun of the way his friend is acting.

“I love it however either of you want to give it to me,” you say, leaning towards Jiyong, and grabbing a handful of his shirt, pulling him closer so you can kiss him deeply. He chuckles against your lips, pleased with himself, but you quickly bring him back down to earth by rubbing him through his pants.

“Fuck, there’s my little tease,” Jiyong hisses, breaking the kiss.

You grind yourself on Seunghyun’s lap while you still touch Jiyong over his pants, trying to keep in time. Listening to both of them breathe, small groans of satisfaction barely audible, so you try to get them to do more. You kiss Seunghyun, still trying to split focus between touching Jiyong and grinding on Seunghyun’s lap, but Jiyong catches your hand to stop you.

“Focus on your boring grinding,” Jiyong says. “No wonder you always come knocking on my door if he makes you get yourself off like this.” Seunghyun breaks from the kiss, whipping his head towards his friend.

“If you don’t shut up–” he begins, but you grasp his jaw, turning his head back towards you to kiss him again.

“Cut it out, Ji,” you mutter against Seunghyun’s lips. “I want to hear both of you moaning.” When Seunghyun kisses you deeper, your hand wedges between your bodies so you can unfasten his pants, and pull him free from his briefs. You shift yourself towards his knees so you can have room to tip your head down and spit carefully over his length.

“Jesus,” Seunghyun whispers, a small chuckle cracking from his throat. As you slowly begin to stroke over Seunghyun, you notice Jiyong hasn’t even started unbuttoning his pants yet, but simply watches you with a grin on his face.

“I want to watch you touch yourself,” you tell him.

“You’re telling me what to do now, are you?” Jiyong scoffs, an amused expression on his face. You decide to stoke the flames of the competition between the two men, knowing you can only benefit from it.

“Seunghyun likes it when I tell him what I want,” you say, putting on your most innocent and pathetic voice, biting your lip.

“That’s right,” Seunghyun grins at you, barely taking his eyes off of the way you continue to stroke him. “I love for my baby to tell me what she wants. That way I can take care of her needs.”

“But if you don’t want me to…” you begin, noticing the very slight irritation on Jiyong’s face. He lets out a quick huff, unfastening his buckle and beginning to work on his pants next. You grin to yourself at his reaction, both of your hands now stroking Seunghyun, twisting in opposite directions.

“F-f-fuck,” Seunghyun stutters, his hips bucking up of their own volition, nearly knocking you from his lap. “Jesus Christ.” He lets out a strangled groan, running his hand over his hair as he keeps his gaze on your motions.

“I taught her how to do that,” Jiyong boasts, stroking his hand over himself in time with you.

“You both have taught me so much,” you say, bringing back the innocent voice you tried before. “And you both know how to take such good care of me…” They’re both watching your face now, distracted by the way you’re bolstering their egos – you take the opportunity to guide Seunghyun inside of you, settling down all the way.

“Oh, god,” he gasps, grabbing your hips again.

“Mmm, baby, you feel good,” you mutter, grabbing onto his tie and pulling him to lean towards you. “I like feeling you this way.” Seunghyun nods his head, pressing a kiss to your lips as he rolls your shirt up your body.

“You feel amazing, too,” he mutters into the kiss, breaking to pull your shirt over your head. Using his grip on your hips to help you rock slowly, he lets go after a moment, allowing you to roll your hips as you see fit. “Do you know how sexy you look?” Seunghyun asks, reaching behind your back to unclasp your bra.

You don’t have time to reply before Seunghyun begins to kiss along your neck, down to your collarbone so he can leave gentle bites. You crane your neck to give him the access, your eyes now falling to Jiyong, who you realize you’ve been neglecting. When he catches your gaze on him, he licks his lips, nodding his head down towards his lap, where his hand still slowly strokes over himself. You smirk, beginning to move faster in Seunghyun’s lap, matching up with Jiyong’s movements.

“I know what you’re doing,” Seunghyun says, giving your skin a final nip before he sits back again to look at Jiyong. “Are you trying to control how fast she goes?” Seunghyun tries to sound annoyed, but his words are breathier, too affected by what you’re doing to him. Jiyong shrugs, not hiding the smirk on his face.

“She tells you what she wants, remember?” Jiyong retorts.

“Oh, my god, enough,” you snap, ceasing your movements altogether. “This is the last time I’m going to tell you guys to get your shit together, before I’m going home.” You slide Seunghyun from inside of you and climb off of him, standing in front of them. “Move,” you direct, waving both of them from the sofa, which they hurry to comply with. They watch as you settle onto the sofa on your knees, resting your forearms on the arm of the sofa and looking back to the two men expectantly.

“Where do you want us?” Seunghyun asks.

“You choose,” you reply. Jiyong hurries to kneel behind you on the couch, and Seunghyun clearly drops his shoulders. “Disappointed?”

“No,” Seunghyun replies, stepping in front of you, his hand slowly stroking his length. “We don't do this very often, but I know how much you enjoy tasting yourself on me.” You would have blushed if you didn't already feel overcome with emotions, so instead you open your mouth, waiting for him to slide onto your tongue.

Once you wrap your lips around Seunghyun, taking him as far as you can for the moment, Jiyong takes the opportunity to guide himself into you from behind, which makes you groan around Seunghyun. For a moment, you all can only make satisfied groans, getting accustomed to your new positions. You’re the first to move, replacing Seunghyun’s hand with your own so you can begin to bob your head over him slowly. Jiyong slowly pulls out of you until only his tip is left inside, something you find to be uncharacteristic of him. Just as you are preparing to take Seunghyun back into your mouth, Jiyong thrusts his hips forward again, rocking your body forward so that Seunghyun goes deeper into your mouth than you expected.

“Jesus,” Seunghyun groans, setting his hand on the back of your head and giving you a look to check if you’re okay. You nod quickly just as you and Jiyong repeat your movements; Seunghyun runs his hand through his hair, closing his eyes. “Fuck, that feels good,” he mumbles.

“Wait until you feel her from back here,” Jiyong replies, holding your hips so he can set a steady pace of thrusts. “Let me ask you something, my angel…that Hae-il…” You pull Seunghyun from your mouth, stroking over him as you wait for Jiyong’s next words. “Does he know that you’re a little slut who likes having two dicks inside of her at once?” Jiyong continues, and you can only whimper in response. “Oh, he doesn’t? When he was kissing you, and touching you…acting like he knows how to take care of you, do you think he knew that you already have two men who would do anything to make sure you’re satisfied?”

“I’ll bet he thought you were going to go home with him tonight,” Seunghyun says, joining in with the teasing, much to your surprise. “He thought he had a chance with you��our little slut.” You whine, your eyebrows furrowing as Jiyong starts to thrust harder. With a gasp, you part your lips and slide Seunghyun back into your mouth, taking him deeper and stroking your hand over the rest along with your bobbing.

With each rough, and deep thrust, Jiyong drives you forward, causing Seunghyun to finally hit the back of your throat. You gag softly when he pushes himself deeper, but he immediately tries to pull back, concerned that he’s pushing too far. You grab him by his hips, moaning around him to try to signify how much you like the feeling of him pushing into your throat.

You’re sure you hear the two men talking as you struggle to take Seunghyun deeper. Jiyong slows his thrusts to give you the opportunity to take as much of Seunghyun into your throat as you can, and you can hear him brag to his friend about how he taught you the way to deepthroat. Of course, Jiyong had and you loved doing it, but Seunghyun is bigger, which your throat isn’t quite used to.

With tears pricking at your eyes, you keep your hands on Seunghyun’s waist for support as you take as much of him as you can down the back of your throat. The noise he makes feels as though it comes from his hips, vibrating through your body, and causing you to moan around him in response.

“Wait, wait!” Seunghyun gasps, gently shoving you backwards so that he falls from your mouth. You let out a few coughs, trying to pull in a breath as you peer up at him from under your lashes, innocent.

“I can’t believe I’ve never had you that deep in my throat before, baby,” you mutter, as Jiyong resumes the quick pace of his thrusts. “I didn’t think I’d be able to handle it, because you’re so fucking big.”

Seunghyun strokes over himself watching his friend thrust into you hard enough for your arms to give out on you, instead opting to lean against the armrest. Jiyong adjusts you so that you’re leaning further over the edge, putting an arch in your back, hips cocked up towards him. Once he’s satisfied, his pace becomes swift, plowing you forward again and again until your climax is in sight.

You slide your arm beneath you, your fingers desperately rubbing at your clit as you moan Jiyong’s name, begging him to make you come. His speed feels impossible, his grip on your hips bruising when he thrusts even deeper than you thought he could. When your orgasm hits, you feel your legs begin to tremble, more moans of praise falling from your mouth as Jiyong continues to work you through your climax.

“Oh, my god, Ji, fuck!” you gasp, trying to pull away from him as you feel that he’s trying to work straight through to another climax, but it’s too much. Jiyong laughs, slapping you hard on your backside when he finally slows his thrusts.

“You’re tapping out after two?” Jiyong teases, slipping from you and gently running his fingers through your wet folds. “You did four in one night just a few weeks ago, remember?”

Of course you remember. How could you forget? You had to take the next day off of work because you were exhausted. Still, you want to feel Seunghyun now; you’ve never felt him at this angle before and you know he’ll be able to get in even deeper. You crane your head to look towards Seunghyun, begging for him with your eyes.

“You want me, baby?” Seunghyun asks, rubbing his hand over your cheek soothingly.

“Mhm,” you hum, nodding your head.

“I’ll show you how it’s done,” Seunghyun says to Jiyong as the two trade places.

“I already made her come twice,” Jiyong scoffed. “It won’t take much for a third.”

You allow the men to readjust your position, scooting you back to let Jiyong sit on the sofa in front of you so that your head is above his lap, while Seunghyun settles onto his knees behind you. Jiyong wastes no time, guiding your head lower so that you can take his length into your mouth, covered with the taste of you.

Seunghyun’s fingers softly trace between your thighs, not meant to tease, but it still makes your body twitch from the sensitivity. His other hand rub gently over your spine, soothing you as he eases himself inside of you, pushing in as deep as he can go. You moan around Jiyong, your movements stuttering as you get used to the feeling of Seunghyun inside of you.

“You’re okay,” Jiyong mutters, his voice softer than you would expect. “You can do it, babe.”

Seunghyun gently grips your hips, as though he is trying to avoid the bruises that Jiyong left in his wake. His movements are excruciatingly slow, pulling almost entirely out of you before gradually pushing back into you, hitting deep inside of you each time. You whimper almost nonstop around Jiyong’s length, taking him in time with Seunghyun's pace. You can tell from the way Jiyong’s legs fidget that he wants you to go faster, but you take advantage of the rare opportunity to tease him.

You all manage to set a slow pace, the air heavy with your panting breaths. Your mind is foggy from the overstimulation, so when Jiyong pushes his hips up against your face, driving his length deeper into your mouth, it catches you off guard, causing you to clench harder around Seunghyun.

“Shit,” Seunghyun hisses, his hands sliding higher up your body, resting on your waist. You instinctively begin to bounce yourself back against him, urging him to go faster, your hands fisting the sofa cushions as you attempt to take Jiyong all the way into your mouth with each bob of your head. “You’re doing such a good job, baby,” Seunghyun praises. “You’re our good girl, hm?”

Jiyong’s hand presses to the back of your head to hold you still, his other hand bracing against the armrest so he can thrust upwards into your mouth, moving faster and hitting deeper at the back of your throat. You groan, relaxing your jaw to let him move as he pleases. Seunghyun’s grip tightens on you, beginning to thrust in time with Jiyong’s movements.

“Couldn’t help it?” Jiyong laughs breathlessly to his friend, and you can hear Seunghyun return the chuckle.

“She feels so good like this,” Seunghyun replies. “I don’t think I’ll be able to last much longer, baby. Do you want us both to finish inside of you?” You let out a long, whimpered moan around Jiyong’s length, trying to nod your head against Jiyong’s grasp. “Let her talk for a second,” Seunghyun says.

“You wanna say something, my angel?” Jiyong smirks, resting back onto the sofa to allow you to pull him from your mouth.

“Fuck, please, I’ve been so good for you both,” you whine, your hands stroking over Jiyong the way that he loves. “I want to feel you come in my pussy, while Ji comes down my throat. Please, Seunghyun?”

“Jesus,” Seunghyun whispers, thrusting harder and faster, trying to recreate the way he watched Jiyong move. “This is how you need me, baby?”

“Uh-huh,” you respond, giving him a quick pleading look over your shoulder.

“Open up,” Jiyong commands, nudging his hips upward.

When Jiyong angles his hips so he can push his tip into the back of your throat, he stays still, holding his hand on the back of your head to keep you where you are. You gag around him, your fingers twisting against the fabric of his slacks, as Seunghyun thrusts into you harder and faster, inching Jiyong all the way into your mouth.

“Holy shit,” Jiyong breathes, pressing his head back against the sofa. “It’s never felt like this, babe. You’re incredible.” You struggle to maintain him as Seunghyun keeps pounding into you over and over. When finally Jiyong pulls your head off of him, he grasps your jaw to have you sit up enough to peer into his eyes. “You’re doing so fucking good,” he smirks. “You didn’t realize you could be this nasty, did you?”

“No,” you breathe, working yourself back against Seunghyun while you jerk your fist over Jiyong. “I’m so close. Please let me come.”

“Anything for you, good girl,” Seunghyun mutters, leaning forward to press his chest against your back, the friction of his clothes against your bare skin sending you reeling.

Your eyes close, getting lost in the sensations, feeling Jiyong's fingers begin to play with your clit. Seunghyun’s hand gently holds onto your throat as he keeps thrusting, his other arm around your waist to hold you against him. Your body trembles, and you can only reach over your shoulder to thread your fingers through Seunghyun’s hair as you tumble into your climax.

You’re certain they’re praising you – it’s clear to tell from the tones of their voices, but you can’t focus on the words, your mind blurring into pure bliss. You can feel yourself dripping down your thighs, moaning like you’ve never been pleasured in your life. In your state, you forget that you’re meant to be returning the favor to Jiyong, so you drop back onto your hands, to take him back into your mouth in hopes that your instinct will take over.

Seunghyun and Jiyong both thrust into you as if you simply belong to them. Truth be told, you’d say that you do. They find a quick and hard rhythm together and keep working until finally they both reach their own orgasms, filling you up from both ends. You swallow everything you’re given, and you reach behind you to hold onto Seunghyun’s hip to keep him buried inside of you.

“Oh, my god,” Seunghyun gasps, leaning over you to pepper kisses across your back. “You’re perfect, baby. You did such a good job.” You let Jiyong slip from your mouth, and you lick your lips, cleaning them of the taste of him.

“Holy shit, that was hot,” Jiyong sighs, cradling your head so he can pull you towards him, kissing you softly. “Seunghyun is right; you did good.”

“Mhm,” you hum, trying to catch your breath.

“I’m gonna clean up, and run the bath,” Jiyong says, giving you one more quick kiss before departing, leaving you along with Seunghyun who is still inside of you.

“Are you okay, my sweet girl?” he whispers. “We didn’t hurt you, did we?”

“No, I’m great,” you whisper. “I want to kiss you but I should brush my teeth first.”

“Normally I’d say it doesn’t matter, but I don’t think I want to know that much about Jiyong,” he mumbles, and you laugh breathlessly. “I’m going to pull out now.” You nod slowly as he gently removes himself from you, rubbing your back soothingly. “Do you need me to carry you to the bath?” he asks, his voice still gentle.

“No, I think I can manage. Just give me a second.”

“Okay. I’ll be right back.”

Seunghyun leaves you alone on the sofa, presumably to get himself cleaned up as well. You relax onto your side and close your eyes, your breathing finally back to normal. You aren’t sure how much time goes by – realistically it was only a few minutes, but you feel yourself drifting to sleep momentarily.

“Come to the bath; we’ll get you cleaned up.” Jiyong’s voice sounds distant, but you can feel them urging you to your feet, holding onto your arms as they walk you towards the bathroom.

As they help you into the tub, and begin to clean you up, you wonder what will beyond tonight – will this become a normal occurrence? Will it go back to the way it was? Or was this the last time that you’d be with either of them? Your mind feels too overworked to figure it out, so you try to push it from your brain, focusing instead on the two men who have treated you to quite an interesting night.

#choi seunghyun x reader #x reader #t.o.p x reader #x reader smut #kwon jiyong x reader #gdragon x reader #seunghyun x reader x jiyong

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pookiescurls · 3 months ago

Text

LOVE this

Guess They Call It Fallin’ | Matthew Knies

summary: you and matthew promised yourselves once you took each others virginity's, nothing would change between you. but fast forward 3 years - between casual hook ups and spending all your time with one another: you can't help but fall deeper and deeper in love with your best friend.

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Prologue: 3 years ago

since your shared freshman year of highschool, you knew you'd follow matthew knies anywhere.

when you moved to arizona the summer before the september school year, you had never dreaded anything more than the first day of highschool. all that fear and dread faded when you sat down in your home room beside matthew.

you're not sure how it even happened, but soon enough you and matthew became best friends. maybe it was because he reminded you of your old friends from public school - or maybe it was the way matthew treated you so kindly that very first day. you two were always seen with one another - in school halls and out of them.

it didn't take long for you to realize you had feelings for your best friend. I mean, he was nothing short of perfect. your little teenage hormones couldn't help but notice how handsome he was and how good he smelled - his growing biceps and how he seemed to get taller every summer: it was impossible to not fall for him.

you were always good at hiding your feelings. in fear of loosing your closest friend, you didn't even give hints away that you craved something more with matthew. you would take your friendship and hidden crush over loosing him completely- always.

but then something changed.

it was your senior year of highschool. college and university acceptance letters were flying through the doors, celebratory parties and drinking away the weekends were constant reminders of the upcoming graduation. like you've always known, you would follow your best friend everywhere - and that included post secondary school. when matthew got accepted to play for the university of minnesota's hockey team, you worked your butt off to get the grades the university was looking for. all that extra studying, and staying up late for practice payed off: you were accepted to the university of minnesota.

with only a week left before graduation, you and matthew found yourselves at some mutual friends house party. although most people were swimming or laughing by the bonfire, you found yourselves off to the side - enjoying the presence of one another as you lounged on sun beds and stared up at the stars.

the air was warm, and the alcohol in your system was keeping your blood running hot. you were still coherent and conscious - not having drank that much. matthew was the same, with flushed cheeks and a dopey smile, but not slurring or tired. you were both just...free and happy.

"hey," he said at your side, your attention drawn away from the night sky and over to him. he was so handsome, even more so with a cheesy smile and dim outside lighting. you swallow thickly and quirk a brow in his direction. matthew continues, "I just thought of something kind of crazy."

you turn you head so you can look at him comfortably, "oh no."

he laughs, "no nothing like, that crazy." suddenly, he springs up, now sitting with his knees facing you. "come here."

your brows shoot up, but you listen, hesitantly following suit and mimicking your best friends position. your knees brush against his much larger ones, the hairs tickling your bare skin - goose bumps rising over your tan legs. then, he slots his thighs between yours, and you get goosebumps for a whole other reason.

matthew leans in close, almost looking as if he was going to kiss you. you don't move an inch, just watching as he gets closer and closer to your parted lips. just when you go to close your eyes, his breath fans against your warm face.

"you know how we talked about uni - and how it's different there. how the hookup scene is wilder and how easy it will be there to loose our virginities?"

oh.

you recover from the thought that you were about to finally be kissed and furrow your brows. "yeah, what about that?"

"I was thinking - and you don't have to say yes or agree, but..." he pauses and analyzes your face quickly. you urge him to continue with a nudge against his thigh. "by the time we are both 18 and if we are still virgins - we should just have sex...together."

you're glad it's dark outside because your face and neck flush beat red. "matty..."

he sighs, and bows his head slightly. "It's crazy, I know. I just thought who better than each other, right? it's stupid, I shouldn't of said anything-"

maybe it was the alcohol or maybe it was because you were hopelessly addicted to making matthew happy but you grab his face between your small palms, urging him to look into your eyes. "it's not stupid." you swallow gently, "and it's definitely not crazy."

matthews tongue darts out to wet his bottom lip and you feel yourself lighten. you let go of his face before you have the urge to pull him in for a kiss.

"I think we should do it."

his eyes brighten ever so slightly, "really?"

you nod, "yeah! I mean if we both turn 18 and it hasn't happened - we should just do it. that way, we will enter our 'adulthood' with a notch on each of our belts."

he smiles ever so slightly, "yeah exactly." then he sticks his thick pinky out towards you, "let's pinky promise this, y/n/n. we won't be 18 year old virgins if all else fails."

and your finger wraps around his, solidifying your agreement.

—

college was fun. you think being away from home was easy because you had matthew with you - and he was all you needed to feel at home. although you both attended parties and made new friends - it didn't happen. you were both still virgins. matthew had an excuse though - he was so busy with hockey. between training, practices and games - he barley had time to see you, never mind some other girl.

and you, well, deep down you knew you weren't seeking anybody out because you couldn't think of anybody better than matthew to take your virginity. you're sure it was just your feelings for him talking, but you didn't care.

on october 17th, matthew turned 18. you and your small group of friends went out to some campus party and at the end of the night, matthew informed you he was still a virgin. although you knew that, it was still a relief to hear. in some twisted fantasy, you can help but hope maybe matthew was purposefully avoiding girls for you.

one month and a few days later, it was the eve of your 18th birthday. it was an odd day, because instead of going out like you did for matthew's 18th birthday, you stayed in with him, watching movies and having chocolate cupcakes- just the two of you. almost like you both knew - both ready to ignite the flames of your drunken agreement many months ago, and give one another your most intimate experience.

it started before midnight even hit - you wonder if matthew was sick of waiting around with his virginity. it was a mess of lips and spit, followed by the tangle of limbs and interlocking fingers on your dorm mattress. you had to ignore how perfect kissing matthew felt - how right it all felt.

slowly, clothes disappeared and kisses travelled - excitement grew. although this was supposed to be a nerve wracking experience- there was no signs of that between either of you. only gentle smiles and longing glances.

and when you were both finally naked, matthew clumsily wrapped up with a condom and you spread to accommodate his body between your legs. he paused the kiss, slowly pulling away to see your face.

matthew smiled, pushing the hairs back and away from your flushed face. he held your cheek tenderly, and you mimick his grin. "let's not let this change anything, okay? because I can't loose you." he whispers, thumb stroking the shell of your hot ear.

you nod, "I can't loose you either." one of your hands slide down his strong shoulder and grip onto his bicep, giving him a reassuring squeeze. "it's just us, matty. nothing will ever change."

and with that, matthew slowly pushed himself into you.

the following morning, you were awoken by the quiet shuffling in your room. slowly, you crack one eye open to see matthew, now dressed and smiling gently at you.

"hey," you mumble.

"morning," he hums, "I was just about to wake you up. I'm going to practice."

"okay," you say groggily, tucking yourself deeper into your pillow and away from the daylight streaming through your small window.

he laughs at your usual sleepy routine, very much used to your morning tiredness and uninterested state. turning, he grabs his phone from were he disregarded it the night prior. "i'll text you later, okay," he says, moving back to your slumped figure - running a hand over your mess of hair.

"m'kay," you mutter into your pillow.

then he leaves.

the door clicks shut, and your eyes shoot open- memories of the night before rushing back into your brain faster than you can comprehend them. you and your best friend had sex - and it wasn't akward or painful or anything remotely close.

it was perfect. soft touches, and sweet glances and everything you had ever wanted when experiencing sex for the first time. girls in highschool had talked about there experience- how awkward it was and uncomfortable they felt. with matthew, it was out of a fairytale.

your momentary wave of panick washes away, and you smile. your hand reaching up to gently trace over your lips, thinking of matthew's soft ones slotting against them only hours before.

this was the best case scenario- and you were living it. truthfully, you were expecting it to be this easy with matthew, solely because it was him.

what you weren't expecting though, was every so often when you were both a little tipsy and needy - you'd find yourselves back in bed, sharing kisses and exchanging orgasms.

but nothing ever changed between you. it was still just you and matthew, continuing to be best friends like you haven't had the most intimate parts of one another. you weren't dating, or acting any different outside of the bedroom. just the occasional longing glance, or brushing hands, or trying your hardest to resist kissing, it was fine...really.

Part One: May 2023

you roll up to the balls of your feet and then fall back to your heels. the attempt to see over the bustling airport crowd was unsuccessful, and you sigh gently.

you knaw on your bottom lip and again try and peer over the sea of heads moving throughout the building, trying to catch a glimpse of your tall friend.

matthew had been living in toronto for a couple months while he made is nhl debut with the toronto maple leafs. although the season ended quicker than anticipated, you were still extremely proud of your friend.

with your exam schedule, you couldn't make any of the games like you had hoped. you would've spent your life savings on a plane ticket and glass seats if it meant seeing matthew play in the major league - but school had other plans for you. although, that didn't stop you from calling him or texting him after every game, both of you talking about every single thing you've missed.

in the second last game of the leafs playoff season, matthew got a concussion - a pretty bad one at that. matthew had been pretty upset, and even looked sniffly on facetime (you gave him shit for being on his phone when he wasn't supposed to, but he didn't care: he just wanted you). once he was cleared to fly back home, he called you immediately to ask if you could pick him up from the airport - obviously, you agreed.

so there you stood, in the middle of the airport as families and business men alike all passed by, distracted as they tried to make flights and get to security. it's almost 30 minutes past the time matthew had told you he'd landed. you try not to worry too much - he'd probably just gotten held up at baggage claim or needed the bathroom before he made his way to you.

just as you pull out your phone to call him, a strong arm wraps around your shoulders from behind, pulling your body into their broad chest.

you don't panick, because you know it's matthew immediately. you can smell the ralph lauren cologne he's been wearing since freshman year, and you recognize the soft material of his t-shirt - the t-shirt you've not only pressed your face into in search of hugs but also have stolen on a few occasions.

"you're not even looking for me, what the hell." matthew says against the shell of your ear. his tone of voice is clearly teasing, trying to get a rise out of you.

you spin in his grasp, your air forces squeaking against the tiled floor of the scottsdale airport. he doesn't release your shoulders, keeping you against his front. automatically, you wrap your arms around his thick waist. "it's not my fault you took an hour to get through the airport - I got bored and gave up."

he scoffs playfully, tugging the end of you ponytail, "rude."

you smirk teasingly, "you're right, that's no way to talk to an nhl superstar."

matthew blushes at your words, and his smile brightens right before your very eyes. the sight of his overwhelming happiness has your stanch swooping, butterflies banging against your sides as they fly about.

"i'm no superstar, y/n/n." he whispers, face tilted downwards so he can keep eye contact.

you shrug against him, "I disagree."

you watch as his tongue passes through his lips, swiping along his bottom lip to wet the already plump and pink skin. in that moment, as matthew stares back at you, you think he may lean in for a kiss and you feel your heart hammer with joy.

instead, you see matthew's other hand jolt up, gripping a bouquet of flowers and waving them ever so gently in your peripheral vision. you look over to the blooming display, brows raised.

"got these for you," he muses.

you smile, "why are you getting me things! you're the one who deserves the good things."

his eyes flicker with something you can't quite understand, and his adam's apple bobs as he swallows. "i've got my good thing right here with me." his words have you freezing ever so slightly, but you don't have time to think of any underlying meaning, because matthew continues, "it's a thank you for coming to pick me up."

you take the flowers, sniffing one of the deep pink tulips, your senses filled with the sweet floral smell you loved so much. "well, then, you're welcome." you tease, dropping the bouquet down from your nose. "that reminds me," you smile, your free hand digging around your jeans back pocket until you locate a chocolate bar. the kitkat is a little mushy from the heat of your body, and the wrapper is a bit crinkled, but you jut it in matthew's direction anyway. "your favourite!"

matthew smiles, taking the chocolate from your hand and inspecting the wrapper. then, he glances back at you with a teasing look. "you know, athletes aren't supposed to eat stuff like this."

"so you don't want it?" you question, a raise to one of your perfectly styled brows.

"oh no, i'm eating it." matthew laughs gently, immediately ripping the red wrapper off the chocolate and taking a messy bite. chocolate smears on his top lip and you laugh.

"you got a little something right there," you whisper gently, finger ghosting over his cupids bow as you gesture to the smeared sweet goodness.

his hand is now wrapped around your waist, holding you to him. matthews brows raise ever so slightly, a grin slowly appearing on his mouth. "yeah?" you nod. "you gunna get it for me?"

you want to kiss him so bad...does he want you to kiss him?

but instead you scrunch your nose playfully, wiping your thumb over his mouth until any traces of smeared chocolate are gone. you don't see the way matthew's eyes change slightly, watching as you use your hands to get rid of the mess.

"ready to go, matty?"

he nods softly, "let's go."

the ride back home is filled with laughter and smiles. matthew is so happy to talk about his experience playing in the nhl - even though you've talked about it before. seeing him speak about the opportunity face to face was something you'd never forget.

you tell him about how emma from your shared history class bombed her final presentation, and that had matthew laughing as you explained the whole thing animatedly. you talk about plans for the summer and finally seeing your friends from highschool after a year away in minnesota.

a kelsea ballerini song slowly fades as you pull up against the curb of matthew's childhood home. a home that you spent your entire highschool life in - studying and laughing and watching movies and just enjoying each others presence. the thought of all those memories have you grinning as you park the car - unlocking the doors once you've stopped.

matthew unbuckles his seat belt. he doesn't hear you move, or the click of your seat belt buckle and looks over at you, a small v shape forming between his drawn brows. "are you not coming in?"

"I don't want to interrupt, matty. they haven't seen you in a little bit."

he shakes his head, "my mom already asked for you to join - and I told her you'd come in, so..."

you sigh and he watches you give him a knowing look - one that isn't buying his bullshit: he knows it all too well. matthew sends a sheepish smile your way and briefly shrugs his shoulders. "at least help me with my bags. what kind of friend would you be if you didn't help me with them," he teases.

the kind of friend you kiss and hold and fuck, you think.

regardless, you unbuckle your seatbelt with a faux annoyed look. matthew's smile grows into one of successes, and you purposefully avoid his now cheeky expression. "yeah, yeah, let's go."

matthew lied about his mom inviting you over - which you knew he did (because you can read your best friend like a book), but she was excited to see you regardless. as soon as his mom jumped in suprise and expressed her joy at your presence- you sent matthew a deathly glare for his lie. he could only smirk playfully in response to your obvious annoyed reaction.

in her typical fashion, matthew's mom coddled both of you and fed you dinner just like she used to do when the two of you were still kids in highschool.

unlike you, matthew's parents made it to a couple of his nhl games. even though they've seen him since he left for minnesota, they haven't talked about school since christmas - when they were down in toronto, the topic of conversation was obviously matthew's nhl debut.

so you weren't suprised when his mom, between chews of her cheesy pasta, started peppering her son with all sorts of questions.

"did you make friends with anyone new since we last talked?"

"how was your roommate and the dishes situation?"

"did you ever figure out your biology assignment? or was it chemistry?"

"any girlfriends while you were in toronto?"

"mum," matthew laughs awkwardly, his fork hitting the plate with a clinck, "your foods going to get cold if you keep asking all these questions."

his brother snickers into his pepsi filled glass. you and him share a brief look once their mum kicks matthew under the table because of his remark - regardless, she was laughing along with the table. "you're right, i'm sorry - just curious."

matthew doesn't answer the last question, which has you feeling nervous. you watch as he drags his bread through a section of sauce, soaking the garlic flavoured dough. he meets your curious eyes - deep in thought - as he takes a bite. you smile politely in his direction, eyes darting away. if he sees your worried expression, he doesn't say anything, looking away once you do.

you shove some pasta in your mouth and try not to overthink - which was always impossible when it came to your brain and matthew.

"what about you, y/n?" his dad asks from the head of the table, dropping his piece of garlic toast on the side of his ceramic plate. "any boyfriend?"

you choke slightly on a spaghetti noodle, taking a few gulps of water to calm your coughing and burning face. "sorry. no," you hum once you've collected yourself, "nothing like that."

in your peripheral vision, you see matthew turn to look at you again. you glance at him quickly, and he gives you a knowing look, shoving a large bite of food into his mouth in an attempt to cover his smirk.

you dart your gaze away quickly - your face burning for an entirely different reason.

"really?!" his mum muses, oblivious to the glances exchanged between you and her son, "I gotta say you two, all these years away at school and neither of you in relationships - I'd say you spend too much time together."

you blush, clearing your throat. your eyes meet your plate of food as you begin to slide your fork through the last bites of sauce and meat.

"that's definitely it," matthew hums, not meeting your eyes in favour of finishing off his plate. underneath the table, his knee bumps yours once, and you're not sure if he meant to do it, but you fight a smile regardless - gently bumping his back.

only an hour after finishing dinner and cleaning up the mess of pots and plates - matthew was begging you to come to the beach with him for sunset before heading back home. you let him him beg and convince you, even though you were set on going as soon as the words left his mouth.

the sand is warm on your feet as you dig them into the granules - sand dusting up to your ankles and coating your braided anklet. the sunset is reflecting on your face, providing a warm glow not only on you, but on the entire beach. you close your eyes and take a long inhale, basking in the feeling.

matthew drops down beside you, his added weight pulling on the blanket you'd set down. he leans back on to his hands and stretches his legs out - his feet sliding through the sand and sending tiny particles onto the blanket.

you huff, immediately trying to dust it all off. it makes your best friend laugh quietly beside you.

"I missed you," matthew whispers a few minutes after you cleared the blanket. "so much."

you look over at him, meeting his blue gaze. he looks so beautiful with the hues of orange and fuscha reflecting around him. clean shaven, and t-shirt stretching around his muscles ever so nicely. "i missed you," you say back.

matthew's forearm brushes against yours and his palm is so close to yours in the sand that if you just reached out, you'd be able to wrap your pinky over his. you're unsure if he means to brush your limbs together, and you think about pulling away, but then his muscles flex against you, and you feel him press his arm against yours firmly - conforming he wants you there.

that action has you thinking back a few hours ago at the dinner table - matthew's knee touching yours under the table privately. but thinking about that part of the dinner, also has you thinking about how matthew never gave an answer about having a girlfriend while he was away.

even thinking about that has your stomach dropping like you'd just dropped on a roller coaster. before you can stop yourself, you get his attention gently, "matty?"

he hums, his eyes trained on the setting sun across the water.

"is there a girl in toronto?"

you're pretty sure his arm goes rigid on yours. you've dropped on the roller coaster again, feeling your organs fall all the way to your feet. matthew sighs gently, "y/n.."

when you and matthew started casually hooking up, you both decided to not only stay best friends, but you also chose to not be exclusive. the point of loosing your virginities to one another was to get over that awkward milestone with a future partner. therefore, once you were both free of that title, you could go out into the dating scene and feel free - and have sex with whoever.

so of course there was a chance matthew was hooking up with somebody in toronto - you'd be happy if he did, truly. as his best friend, you want him to be happy. as his unrequited lover, you couldn't bare the thought. because although matthew may be not be exclusive, you have always been (unbeknownst to him).

without wanting to sound bothered or upset, you laugh breathlessly. "it doesn't matter if you do, matty. we're friends, right? no secrets ever." - a promise you and him had always cherished was never ever having secrets - excluding your painfully excruciating crush on him (obviously).

"no, I know," matthew nods with an expression you can't quite decipher. it's something between soft and maybe guilty - possibly innocent or nothing even close. he sighs again, "there's no girl...and no secrets."

you suck your bottom lip into your mouth, suppressing the grin as it slowly made its way onto your face.

"well," matthew says lightheartedly. he pushes off his hands, dusting the sand off his palms once he sits up. his back muscles have you too distracted to notice all the sand covering your blanket. once positioned, matthew looks back at you over his shoulder, "there is one girl."

if it wasn't for his playful tone and the smirk he was sending in your direction, you'd think he was being serious. you push off your hands as well and wrap them around his bulged bicep. "oh yeah? who's that?" you ask gently, leaning into his warm body.

"you," he whispers, hooked nose brushing against yours delicately - if you didn't know this was the way you and matthew acted, you'd be tricked into thinking he had feelings for you.

you scrunch your nose against his, pulling back just enough to meet his eyes. "you just want to get laid."

matthew's lips look like they may turn into a downwards pull, and you already feel the panick bubbling at your chest - what had you said wrong?

but he clears his throat, mouth turning into a soft smirk. "maybe..."

you force another laugh, "good," you lie, "me too."

and in your and matthew's lonesome on the sandy beach, he slowly leans back into your space, finally pressing a kiss against your lips.

your grip on his arm tightens when his tongue slips between your parted lips, allowing him access to deepn the kiss - tongues massaging one another as they skillfully move.

when matthew pulls away a few minutes later, he's breathing heavily, an all too familiar haze in his eyes and smile on his swollen pink lips. "let's get in your car."

you nod, "m'kay."

the last bit of the evening sun is falling on you both and illuminating the water. matthew's helps you up, grabbing the blanket and making sure to dust all the sand off before throwing it in your backseat.

when he pulls you against his chest in the privacy of your car and continues your hot kiss, you think you just so happen to be falling deeper in love with your best friend.

Part Two:

the alchemy was the towns best hangout spot. not only was there a bar and dance floor, but they had amazing food and an even better atmosphere. at the end of every week, they'd often have local bands come in to play their set - friday was always the night to go.

this friday was no exception. there was a lineup outside the building, and every few minutes it would get shorter as the bouncers checked ID's and sent people in. you, as well as some other friends in your group, weren't of age yet, so you were already preparing for the purple X they'd draw on your hand to stain your skin and indicate your age.

your good friend janie is fixing her lip gloss in her small compact mirror as she faces you. janie was somebody who valued her appearance very much - but she was so beautiful, she barley had to do anything to maintain it. you watch as her boyfriend, daniel, talks her ear off about something he had seen at the mall earlier, face animated as he flails his hands.

the line moves again and behind you, matthew pushes you along gently - presses into your backside with his hips as you inch forward. he's not even looking at you when he does it, too busy conversing with another friend of yours, logan.

matthew's hand is warm on your exposed hip, his thumb gently resting against the waist band of your jean shorts - slowly stroking the edge, thumb occasionally dipping under the material. you sigh pleasantly, head falling back to rest against his peck.

a moment later, matthew looks down at you, a smile making its way onto his face. you notice logan has turned his attention to another person in your small group of friends - leaving all your friends distracted.

you loved and appreciated your small group of friends from high school, and always cherished your time together as well as your closeness. but there is one thing you and matthew never disclosed: your complicated relationship. at the beginning, you weren't sure there was a term for you and matthew's situation, but now you know it's friends with benefits. you'd never even admitted that to yourself, never mind telling all your friends. in fantasy land, matthew was your boyfriend and he loved you back - he pulls you in for kisses in front of his family and your friends, and he tells his family he has a girl: you.

"what's going on with you?" matthew's whispered words have you pulled from your own thoughts, his hips still against you - shuffling you further up line. "you look deep in thought - that's never good." he teases.

you scoff, smacking his chest with the back of your hand playfully. your actions have matthew laughing deeply, chest rumbling against your shoulders - which makes you smile. "not much," you hum.

discreetly, you check and make sure nobody is in earshot and eavesdropping on you and your best friend - you notice they're distracted. you lean your head up so you can be closer to his ear and whisper, "just that you look kinda hot in that hat."

matthew is wearing a western style cowboy hat atop his head, paired with jeans and a white tshirt. it's rodeo theme at the alchemy tonight, and matthew isn't the only one dressed for the occasion. your friend group and everyone else in line are dressed in their best western style. hats and boots are everywhere in sight, along with cow prints and pleather tassels.

"goes it make me look like a cowboy?" he questions with a suggestive raise to his eyebrows - a smirk tugging at his mouth.

you giggle slightly and nod once with conformation. "yes."

"good," he hums, "you gunna ride me?" his eyes dart down to your shirt, which so happens to say 'save a horse and ride a cowboy.' you bought it specifically for the occasion, obviously - paired with your favourite denim shorts and cowgirl boots. definitely not the most creative or unique outfit - but still on theme.

you blush, "depends...you gunna let me try that on?" with your question, you spin around to face matthew, reaching up to try and grab his hat from his head. matthew grabs your hand before you can reach the brim, halting your movement.

you pout, "matty..."

matthew huffs likes he's annoyed, but the very edges of his plump lips begin to tug upwards. without another word, he grabs the hat from the top, plopping it down on your head so that it covers your eyes, your straight hair falling over your face.

you laugh, pulling the hat off so you can attempt to adjust your hair back into place. matthew beats you to it, his warm hands pushing away all the strands from your vision with a fond gleam in his eyes. he doesn't pull away once he's done moving your hair and his hands slide down to hold the side of your face for a moment longer.

you wish that he'd kiss you then. but he doesn't, and you feel your face wanting to drop with disappointment.

trying to hide the sadness you feel, you put matthew's cowboy hat back on your head; properly this time so that no hair gets in the way.

your group makes it to the entrance of the alchemy, and country music is flowing through the open doors. the two bouncers check over all your id's and mark the appropriate people who are underage - matthew and you included.

once you enter, you immediately notice how the crowd was bustling - loud laughter, music and the tangy smell of beer throughout.

"yo, let's get that table!" daniel shouts over the noise of the crowd, pointing in the direction of an area near the back of the alchemy that seemed unoccupied.

while you walk through the busy place, matthew grabs ahold of your hand softly, guiding you behind him as you all make your way to the table. the feeling of his hand on yours in such a public setting feels overwhelming in the best way, and there's a part of you that hopes any girl who'd seen him walk in - now thinks he's in a relationship and any advances they'd thought of making are halted.

you and your friends order a round of drinks as soon as you sit down, and you send your friend april, as well as logan, up to the bar to collect everyone's desired beverages.

although you couldn't order the drinks, that didn't mean you couldn't sneak some. one or two vodka sodas combined with the shots you pregamed would have you feeling drunk in no time.

and that was true, because an hour later, you and janie were both very buzzed in the middle of the crowded dance floor - dancing to some megan moroney cover song.

"so," janie starts with a suggestive smirk, "you and matthew looked pretty cozy earlier."

"what?" you squeak, "no, we're just -I don't know janie, you know how we are."

she eyes you suspiciously, "you two have so much sexual tension recently. you guys should like...fuck or something."

your eyes widen and you blush, slightly choking on your own attempt to cough. "absolutely not," you squeak, "I mean - that would just...ruin things."

she laughs slightly and shrugs her exposed tan shoulders in your direction, "just a suggestion. I mean, he probably wants to do it anyways."

you knaw on your lip, forehead lines deepening as you take in your friends words. "why do you think that?" a momentary swirl of panic overtakes you, and you're worried yourself and matthew were being too obvious.

"y/n," she laughs, her hips swaying to the country tune lightly, "guys don't act like that for no reason! I mean, the way he looks at you..."

you swallow quickly. briefly, your eyes meet your shoes and you resist the urge to sigh sadly. "we're just best friends, jaine, believe me."

you wish you were more, your drunk brain reminds you.

you look away from the floor to find janie, but she's isn't looking at you, but rather her eyes are trained over your shoulder. then, she smirks slightly at you, "looks like he's coming over here."

just like a 6th grade girl with a crush, you freeze. blushing all the way down to your chest and eyes widening. trying to remain nonchalant, you shrug and take a sip of your drink.

"i'm gunna go." your brunette friend says, "before you two get all...sensual." janie sends you one last teasing look over her shoulder as she walks away - leaving you waiting anxiously for matthew's touch.

a moment later, you feel matthew press against you, wrapping his arms around your shoulders in a brief hug - merely missing your drink as he does so. immediately with his touch, all earlier anxious and physical jitters vanish and you relax into matthew's familiar grip.

"missed you over there," he mutters into your ear. "our table was boring without you." matthew's nose nudges against the shell of your ear and then he leans farther down your body - pressing a hot kiss right between the skin of your shoulder and the base of your neck.

you swoon. his touch combined with the warm breath tickling against your skin, as well as the feeling of his lips pressing against you, causes something similar to a moan to leave your lips quietly.

the alcohol in your system has completely stolen your filter, and you can only pray that your friends can't see the way matthew had just approached you - or how you reacted to his touch.

at your breathy exhale, matthew spins your body around so that you are standing pressed chest to chest. he smirks when he catches sight of your happy flushed face and drunken hazy eyes. "you look so hot dancing." he says lowly.

you reach up and delicately brush a fallen eyelash off his cheek. "is that so?" you question, purposely pressing your boobs harder into his chest.

"definitely so," he agrees.

behind you, the band starts a new song, something with less tempo that your buzzed brain doesn't recognize immediately.

it looks like matthew does recognize the tune though, and he sends you a smirk. "dance with me?" he questions cheekily, reaching down to grab his cowboy hat you were still wearing, placing it back on his own head.

you don't care enough to protest, partially because he looks too good in it for you to complain. you raise your cup in his direction, "i've got this still."

just as you finish your scentence, matthew grabs your drink, raising it to his mouth and chugging the last of its contents. you gawk, watching as he wipes his mouth and places your now empty cup on a nearby table.

one of matthew's hands grab ahold of your waist, while the other takes your hand in his own - interlocking your fingers together. "now you can dance," he teases, swaying you both to the song.

"I hate you," you huff. your words have no real bite as you begin to smile.

"you can't hate me," matthew says matter of factly, "i'm your best friend."

you frown ever so slightly, jutting your chin up, "just your best friend?" you're buzz has you clearly teetering on drunk, and matthew can tell - not only from your question but your blissed expression.

he chooses not to answer your question but you don't seem to mind, too busy swaying to the song you loved so much.

"stand by me," you sing to him, "ooooh stand by me."

matthew laughs fondly, and you beam up at him. "you're a natural," he states teasingly.

"you sing the next part with me," you insist.

"it's not a duet."

"it is now," you state, "c'mon - just as long you stand, stand by me."

matthew joins in, "and darling, darling stand by me!" his tone is pitchy and he's singing loud enough to earn interested stares from the people in your vicinity.

it has you faltering, laughing into his warm chest. matthew stops singing as well, watching amused as you lean into him with nothing but happiness on your face. he releases your hand in favour to wrap that hand around your shoulders, keeping you pressed against him.

you wake with a deep groan, squinting at the harsh light on your face that was streaming through open curtains. with another groan, you pull the blanket up and over your face to hide yourself from your own hangover.

the smell of matthew's cologne and laundry detergent has you pausing, cracking open one eye to see the familiar navy sheets on matthew's childhood bed.

you toss the blanket away from your face, and turn to see him watching you gently from the other side of the bed - an ever knowing grin on his face at your hungover morning behaviour.

"shut up," you grumble, pushing up from your flat position to mimic him, sitting with your back flat against the headboard.

"didn't say anything," matthew muses.

"but you thought it," you huff. his laughter is enough for you to know your accusation was true, and you squint annoyed at him.

"I brought you this," he hands you a bottle of water and two aspirins, which you take immediately, sighing in relief at the water falling down your dry throat.

slowly, the night before comes back to you. memories of cowgirl boots, your friends downing drinks and dancing all night flooding your brain. your groan once more, covering your face briefly when a wave of nausea comes over you. "ugh, I never want to here stand by me again."

matthew laughs loudly, body rolling over until he's pressed into your side.

you laugh gently with him, dropping your hands from your face so you can see. "seriously!"

"anytime I hear that song now i'm going to think of you," matthew insists. subconsciously, one of matthew's fingers trial over your forearm, gently tickling your skin as he looks up at you from his now slouched position.

although the thought of the song is currently making you feel sick, matthew's words have you feeling fuzzy - there was worse songs that could remind him of you, and stand by me was a really sweet one to he associated with.

because you don't say anything, matthew starts to sing, "stand by me, ohhhh!"

you shush him with a laugh, placing your hand over his mouth.

Part Three (A):

"5...4...3...2...1....and you're done," daniel cheers as you all watch jaine drop back down to her feet from her previous hand stand.

she smiles victorious, giving a bow in your direction. she stumbles slightly, the combination between her various drinks and uneven grassy ground throwing her off balance. she is still just as happy for completing her dare despite her shaky balance, skipping back towards the bonfire you all sat around and taking her seat between you and her boyfriend.

"I did the 20 second hand stand - those 3 years of gymnastics really payed off," she chimes, "take a sip, logan."

logan, the one who gave her the dare, tongues his cheek before he takes a large gulp of his seltzer. it goes down easily, and you watch his face in the glow from the bonfire - some of the liquid falling from the corner of his mouth, dripping until he wipes it away. "alright, janie, we don't have all day."

she doesn't answer to his teasing, eyes searching your small group of friends to find the next recipient of her question. "april," she starts, "truth or dare?"

april, another one of your highschool friends, laughs lightly, uncrossing her tan legs as she ponders. "truth," she settles on.

"when was the last time you had a dirty dream?" janie giggles like she already had the question locked and loaded in her brain - either that or she knows something about april that the rest of you don't. the thought has you giggling into your chest.

the guys in your group all tease her, a low chorus of 'ouuuu' echoing in logan's backyard.

she blushes at the question. "god, I can't answer that! I don't even think i've ever had one!" april squawks, covering her burning cheeks with her hands.

"you gotta finish your drink if you don't answer," dylan, another member of your circle of friends reminders her.

without another word, april chugs her entire can, finishing off the fruity drink in mere seconds. you all cheer her on as she finishes, trying to collect her breathing.

classic party games have always been a staple when your friends all got together. whether it was back when you were all still in highschool - akward and acne prone, or times like right now - when you were all home for the summer - you all played them. truth or dare was a common one, offering the best combination of fun activity and talking. plus, it was easy to incorporate a few drinks - which always spiced things up.

"y/n," april's sweet voice calls your attention, "truth or dare?" she asks, a mischievous grin beginning to tug at her lined lips.

on instinct, you want to say truth. truth is usually easier and sometimes less embarrassing than the dares that go around this group; you think back to highschool when logan had to streak through the neighborhood or when janie had to post an akward singing video for her followers to see. but with truths, secrets can go hand in hand - and you had a big secret - one that you aren't sure you can hide too much longer.

across from you, matthew meets your gaze. he's watching you with a teasing glimmer in his eyes, mouth hid behind his canned drink as he takes a nonchalant sip.

"dare," you decide, eyes darting back to april.

her smile widens, and if she wasn't so pretty you'd think she looked rather evil. you wouldn't be suprised if her hands came together wickedly and she begins to cackle. "I dare you...." april pauses dramatically, grin growing "...to kiss logan."

oh my god.

"what?" you ask, brows raised in a mixture of suprise and shock.

"c'mon!" daniel cheers, reaching over his girlfriend's body to push against your shoulder playfully.

"pucker up those lips," dylan teases.

you laugh awkwardly, tucking some of your hair away.

daniel interrupts, "-and no drinking out of dares!"

you'd honestly forgotten about that rule - one that you had made up a few years back when too many people were opting out of dares and the game had just become a chug fest.

you meet matthew's eyes again, expect this time he is looking at you with a weary expression. fair enough, you think, because why would he want his fuck buddy to make out with his friend right in front of him.

"if she really doesn't want to we shouldn't make her," he says firmly.

you heart flutters in your chest at the thought of matthew possibly feeling jealous, but then you remember what you and him are, and you deflate once more. he wasn't jealous, more likely feeling uncomfortable.

"rules are rules," janie sing songs, bumping into your side teasingly.

you don't want to draw to much attention or conger any questions from matthew's words being tied to your hesitation, so you stand up, walking confidently to the blonde boy across from you.

logan laughs, letting you invade his space.

"hands to yourself," you tell him, trying your best to sound playful and not worried or nervous.

"same goes for you," he quips back.

you ignore him, gently grabbing onto his shoulder as you lean down to meet his seated height, pressing your lips onto his. they slot together, and he gently sucks along your bottom lip.

logan's kiss is nowhere near as nice as any of the ones matthew has given you. his lips weren't as soft as matthew's, or as gentle. logan's only held notes of lust and eagerness - matthew's always took their time and moved skillfully.

then, logan grabs your face between both your hands, stopping your kiss so he can lick up the side of your cheek sloppily.

your friends laugh, and you push away with a smile, wiping away any silva with the back of your hand. "you're foul," you breath with quick laugh.

"gotta keep it interesting," logan teases, shifting in his seat so he can reach for another can of beer.

"I have to go clean my face," you say loudly, "i'll be in the bathroom." you make your way to the patio door, entering the quiet house, your friends laughter and continuation of the game slowly quieting as you slide the door closed behind you.

you flick on the bright bathroom light before shutting the door, leaving you alone in the small powder room near the front of the home. you quickly clean your face with a baby wipe, then washing off any residue with some soap and water.

thankfully in the summer months, you didn't wear much makeup, meaning you weren't really altering your appearance but rubbing suds into your face and rinsing with water.

you turn to leave, but out of something that feels like guilt, you walk back to the sink and scrub at your lips, essentially wiping off the traces of the kiss with your longtime friend.

for matthew, your brain reminds you with a tease.

you shake your head and blink away the thought, turning back to the door and pulling it open.

matthew stands there, hand reached out like he was about to open the bathroom door just before you. you meet his eyes gently, and he looks down at you with a darkened gaze, slightly breathless as he stand in front of you.

then, he backs you both into the powder room, shutting the door again so you're both standing in the small space. matthew strides towards you, grabbing onto your face and tilting your head back into the perfect position for him to press his lips against as yours.

you moan immediately, hands grabbing onto his waist over his shirt. you both smell like bonfire mixed with your respective alcoholic beverages, but it isn't off putting: only familiar - comfortable.

matthew nips at your bottom lip, and you gasp gently, which gives him the perfect opportunity to slide his tongue against yours. the feeling has you panting into his mouth, fingers gripping his shirt tighter.

he pulls back only briefly, "how long before they come looking?" his lips brush against yours as he asks, and you can barley focus on his question at the feeling.

"couple more minutes," you pant.

he doesn't say anything else in favour of pushing his mouth back into yours. it's sloppy, like he's racing against time -desperately trying to get as much of you as humanly possible.

matthew turns your body until you're pushed against the bathroom sink. the ceramic digs into your lower back, but you don't care enough to change that. you're too focused on the way matthew pushes his thick thigh between your legs, simultaneously moving your thighs apart as well as providing his leg as another form of stimulation.

he grunts against your lips as you rock against him, and one of his hands leaves you face and drops towards your lower back - slipping between you and the hard sink. he pulls you closer by your back, dragging your core farther up his thigh.

"we need to stop," matthew breaths, "because soon i'll have no choice but to fuck you on our friends sink."

you gulp, "is that so bad?"

"no," he licks his lip, "but they'll definitely catch us."

with that, you agree, and you both untangle yourselves from one another. you turn away to adjust your frazzled hair in the small mirror above the bathroom counter. unfortunately, you can't do much about your glossy eyes and flushed face, but both can be disguised as you just drinking too much.

you feel matthew press himself behind you, his bulge resting against your ass and you look away from your appearance to meet his eyes through the mirror. he's looking at you with an odd look, so you raise one of your brows in question. "you okay?"

he blinks three times, taking a deep breath. "yeah, just...lost in my thoughts for a moment there."

you frown, worries of only minutes ago of you kissing logan filling your head - he's come in here to claim his territory and assert dominance because you'd kissed logan. "are you mad at me?" you question gently, eyes still trained on his through the mirror.

matthew's brows pull together, and he grabs onto your hips, spinning you around to face him once more. "why would I be mad at you?"

you shrug sheepishly, and you hold onto your own arms apprehensively. "maybe because I kissed logan? right in front you. and I know that we are just fucking or whatever...but, you're mad because you feel, I don't know, disrespected."

immediately after you finish, matthew shakes his head. he pushes away any baby hairs around your face, keeping his hand resting on the side of your head. "absolutely not." you see something flash in his eyes before he continues, "i think i'm just jealous - actually I know that i'm jealous."

"jealous?" you whisper.

he nods again, "jealous because logan got to kiss you before I did tonight."

"oh," you fight back a smirk, and you drop you arms in favour of wrapping them around matthew's torso - he lets you pull him closer wordlessly. "if it's any constellation, out of the two kisses i've had tonight, yours is the only one I enjoyed."

he smirks, "I bet the licking had something to do with that."

you laugh, "something."

he pretends to ponder, "maybe I should up my tongue game some more."

you giggle loudly, and the sound has matthew breaking character to smile fondly down at you. then he interrupts your giggle with one more kiss.

in that moment, it feels like a relationship rather than just friendship with perks. the way matthew holds onto you, and smiles down at you - the way you smile back. merely moments ago you were ready to have sex in somebody else's house, purely because you couldn't help yourself - too in love and drunk to not. that intense, hot moment now turned soft and sweet, while matthew say's things that he knows will make you laugh. in that moment, you let yourself pretend.

you let yourself pretend matthew wasn't only jealous because his friend got the kiss question before him - he was jealous because the girl he loved had to kiss someone else.

how you long for that to be true.

nobody is suspicious when you and matthew make your way back outside and take your respective seats. nobody questions either of you - too busy watching daniel give dylan a lap dance.

over the flames of the fire, matthew catches your gaze. he tongues his cheek to try and hide the smirk he couldn't help.

Part Three (B): junior year of highschool

you often worried when it came to your best friend. not necessarily about him physically, but rather about what what he thinks and knows. not to say you didn't care about what physically happened to him, but the thought of him finding out your deepest hidden feelings for him was more worrying than a bruise or a headache - or so you thought.

when matthew texted you late at night that something had happened to him, you didn't hesitate to hop in your car and make the drive over to his families home.

you knew the code to his front door and let yourself in quietly - mindful of 11 p.m. approaching.

you toed off your slippers on the christmas themed door mat before making your way further into the gingerbread scented home. the sound of friends and the glow of the tv alerted you to somebody up in the family room, and you slowed in your steps as you approached.

phil, matthew's brother, looks in your direction. he doesn't seem suprised by your presence, so you think matthew must've mentioned that you'd be coming over. phil nods once over his shoulder before turning his attention back to the show. "he's upstairs."

"thanks," you say gently, making your way up the carpeted stairs to the second floor, and all the way to matthew's bedroom door.

you don't bother knocking, because you and him never did, and push open his wooden door. the room is only illuminated by his bedside lamp, casting a warm glow on his cream coloured walls and mousey brown furniture.

you catch matthew's eyes and a frown tugs at your lips. he looks tired, presumably from his hockey game earlier in the evening.

"hey," he says quietly. he pushes up from his slouched position and gets off his bed, making his way over to you.

you walk into the room and shut the door softly behind you. "hey," you say, "what's wrong?"

you catch a glimpse of matthew's frown and teary eyes before he wraps his arms around you - pulling your body into his chest for a tight embrace. instantly, you reciprocate the hug, your smaller arms wrapping around his upper back, rubbing soothingly along the ripples of muscles under his skin.

he takes a shaky deep inhale against you, and the feeling has your frown deepening. seeing your best friend so upset was gut wrenching enough, never mind when you also have an embarrassingly large crush on him. "please, talk to me, matty. what's going on?"

he takes one more big breath before he releases you. "i've had a shitty day. school dragged on and then mr. johnson failed me on that assignment from last week. then, during my game I took a weird hit and totally fucked my shoulder! not only that but after the hit I made a shit play and got benched. i'm just...tired." he finishes, his shoulders deflating.

you listen with a slight pout, your eyes intensely dancing over his flushed cheeks and deep coloured bags sitting below his eyes. "i'm sorry about your shitty day." you say.

"not your fault," matthew shrugs.

"what do you want me to do for you?" you ask gently. you think about reaching out again, maybe to run your hand over his arm reassuringly - or caress his face as you tried to ease him into a less overwhelmed state, but you decide against it.

"I just want you to be with me," he admits quietly, "can we just watch a movie or something?"

you nod instantly. you do touch him this time, but he is the one who initiates the contact - grabbing on to your hand gently to guide you over to his unmade bed. you're thankful it's not too light in his bedroom, because you blush at the feeling of his hand in yours.

matthew pulls back the already flailed blanket, allowing you to climb into the mess of bedding and get comfortable before he makes his entrance.

he sits back against his headboard as he scrolls through options on netflix. wordlessly, he chooses 13 going on 30, which you think is a bit odd - but you've always loved the jennifer garner rom-com, so you weren't complaining.

the start of the film begins to play quietly and matthew sinks down into the pillows. he rolls towards you and pushes himself into the side of your torso.

you instantly feel hot. you thank your past self for choosing sleep shorts to go with your long sleeve top, because you would've died from overheating if you choose sweatpants. he throws his arm across your belly, hand reaching up to rest against your rib cage - you hope he can't feel your heart beating too hard. matthew pushes his knee under your leg, effectively sliding between you and the mattress - your leg now resting on top his.

you stay still, too worried that if you move or speak you'll wake up from a dream - a dream in which that this was a normal activity for somebody and their best friend to do. it's not that you and matthew were never touchy, as he would often find your hand in large crowds so he didn't loose you, or hug you in greetings and partings - but very rarely did you cuddle.

"can you tickle my arm?" he mumbles into your shirt, "your nails feel nice."

his request has your spiraling thoughts coming to a halt. his gentle tone and sweet question immediately has you smiling, your body relaxing into his - "of course," you mumble, raising your hand until your nails can run gently over his arm.

matthew sighs happily, tiny goosebumps prickling on his skin. you smile bigger at the sight just as matthew tucks his head further up your body, the top resting against your collarbone. you let your head fall against his, your eyes trained on the movie.

it's obvious why matthew picked one of your preferred movies as you feel his breathing slow down - looking to see his eyes closed shut and his lips parted to release soft breaths.

matthew just needed his best friend.

although you wish you were his girlfriend coming to his aid - you're just happy matthew feels close enough to you in the relationship you do have.

in his sleep, matthew moans briefly, adjusting his hand so it scoops under your back to cradle you against his body. between his peaceful expression and the warmth of his body laying on yours - you know in that moment it isn't just a crush on you're best friend: you're falling in love with him.

Part Four (A): july 4th weekend

"I hate this," you huff, standing up straight and tossing your hands on your hips.

janie laughs from somewhere on the campsite at your words, but you don't feel like laughing along. you're sweating because of the sweltering arizona heat and you're frustrated from the task at hand.

your tent is only half up, and putting that side up was a challenge. you hear somebody approach you from behind, and you turn to look over your shoulder to see matthew. he drops one of the cooler's at the picnic bench beside your deflated tent and he laughs gently.

you squint at him, "it's not funny. i'm going to have to sleep outside because my tent won't be built."

he tuts his tongue at you, taking one of the long metal rods sticking out of the pile. "you're so dramatic." immediately, he begins to expertly thread the pole through the tents openings. the heat has you feeling flustered, and watching matthew's long fingers navigate the metal wasn't helping...at all.

you scoff, "you love my dramatics, matty, don't pretend it bothers you now."

he doesn't look away from your tent, but he smiles anyways. "yeah yeah, can you grab me another pole? and start bringing the pins over as well - since you're just standing there."

you scrunch your nose up and drop your hands from your hips. "i'll grab you a pole alright."

your grumble has him laughing as you turn on your heels and walk away, gathering the rest of the parts to bring them closer to your tent - which now is beginning to look more functional.

you place them where matthew is working, dropping down to a squat beside his crouched position. he sends you a playful look out of the corner of his eye, "now you want to work?"

you shrug, threading a different pole through the polyester loops. "what kind of friend would I be if I made you do all the work on my tent?"

logan passes with an armful of firewood. he drops the pile of logs into the designated fire pit, already preparing for the night before noon has even hit.

for this fourth of july weekend, you had all decided you wanted to do some sort of camping trip. old fashioned camping - completed with tents and smores and picnic benches. thankfully, there were a couple high rated camp sites around the scottsdale area that had vacancy, and you all had packed two of your cars full for a weekend vacation.

"kniesy, you dick, you're supposed to be putting up our tent - never mind y/n's," logan teases as he passes again, gently nudging his foot against your strained calf - which makes you sway, loosing some of your balance.

"go like set up the grill or something," you tell the blond after you flip him the bird, "before I decide to kill you and throw your body in the lake."

"gruesome," logan says. he does what you suggested though, and you catch a glimpse of him unloading the portable barbecue before you turn back to the tent.

"okay," matthew says, pushing off his knees and into a standing position. "you stay on this side while I pull on the support strings and start to hammer them in- I just need you to keep it straight."

"aye aye captain," you salute, pushing yourself to stand just as he did moments prior.

he chuckles under his breath, moving around to the first side of the tent he needed to secure into the ground.

you watch him work with a soft gaze. the way he kneels in the dirt to ensure he's got the tent pulled in a way it won't collapse - watch as his tongue darts out as he concentrates on nailing in the pins. you're sure there's a look on your face that would warrant questions if somebody caught you - but you don't care.

"is it straight?" matthew asks, eyes glancing up in your direction. he catches you admiring him and you clear your throat, looking away with a few quick blinks.

"yeah! all good," you tell him. matthew just smirks at you before finishing building your tent.

a while later, while the afternoon sun is still beating down on your bare shoulders, april suggests you all head to the water for a quick swim. obviously you agree, quickly changing into your bathing suit.

you're all almost near the mini beach, saved for daniel who opted to stay back and watch over the campsite, when matthew falls into line with you - his bare arm brushing against yours as you walk side by side. his pinky runs along yours discreetly, his much larger finger almost hooking yours.

the sun reflected off his tan and toned body, the light accenting the ripples of his strong muscles: abs, biceps, triceps and everything in between.

"i'll race you," matthew says, breaking the quiet tension that had built between you as you both reach the sandy beach.

you look up at him to find a challenging grin on his face - a teasing sparkle in his bright eyes.

"matty," you start, "we aren't kids - besides, it's busy! all these people we'd have to avoid...." you trail off, gesturing to the crowded beach. "...it's a shame they will all have to watch you loose."

you take off, dropping your tote bag as you make a mad dash towards the water.

you hear matthew laugh loudly behind you, surely already beginning to run in your direction. you weave between the bodies throughout the sand, muttering apologies as you approach the water.

you laugh as you miraculously make it into the warm water, just beating matthew in your foot race because of your (cheating) head start. you slow as you go deeper into the lake, turning your body back around just to watch matthew splash into the lake, his body slowly disappearing under the surface as he follows your trail.

on the shore you see your friends laughing in their own world, setting out towels and the umbrella and their few trinkets - janie with her book and april with her phone. briefly, you wonder if one of them had grabbed your bag from where you abandoned it.

the water ripples against you skin as matthew reaches you, his smile an instant distraction from your tote that you suddenly couldn't care less about in his presence. "you tricked me." he states, hands running through the water, sending more sploshes up your tummy.

you shrug innocently, "did I? or are you just slow..."

he splashes some water at you, wetting your bikini top and shoulders. matthew laughs loudly as you screech from the sudden cold temperature, trying to turn your back on his attack.

"I let you win," matthew says after he splashes you once more.

you turn to face him slowly, still weary of any more water he may send your way. "is that so?" you ask lightly. there's a mischievous grin on your face that matthew knows too well - and his suspicions are confirmed when you begin to splash water back at him, drenching his face and hair.

you giggle as he wipes his face, the same hand sliding up and pushing his dark hair away from his face. the water making his brown locks look even darker. "I let you win and this is how you repay me?"

you shrug again. you don't want to feel chilled, so you drop your shoulders into the water so that your whole body is under the water's cool surface - saved for your neck and head. "yeah - can't think of a better way to show my gratefulness." you tease him.

matthew follows suit and submerges his upper body in the lake. he moves impossibly closer to your body - the water providing a privacy in the public setting. with that in mind, he reaches for you, grabbing your leg to gently drag you through the last bit of water left between your bodies.

you gulp nervously as your leg rest's on him. he doesn't let you go, holding your thigh against his hip while your other leg slips between his own two. you can't find the strength to look away from his gaze - not even concerned if you're friends are eyeing you two suspiciously.

"I can think of a way you can show your gratefulness." matthew whispers, hand moving up your thigh in the water until he reaches your bikini bottoms, fingers moving along your ass cheek and slightly slipping beneath the edge of your bathing suit.

"matty..." you breath. his chest heaves with air as he stares down at you - your cheeks slightly sunburnt to give you a permanent sun kissed glow. your lips plump and pink, dark eyelashes wet and making your eyes look even bigger as you blink prettily up at him.

you hear janie and logan laugh as they get into the water, only a few meters away from your and matthew's intertwined bodies. it has you coming to reality, pushing away from matthew to create an appropriate amount of space between you all while trying to appear nonchalant.

logan was too busy trying to sneak attack you to dunk your head under to notice the tension between you and matthew - janie distracted by logan. your and matthew's touching flying under the radar once again.

after a little more swimming and trying to cool your body down from your sensual encounter with matthew - you all decide to lay in the sun for a little bit longer before heading back to the campsite: saving daniel from his lonesome.

daniel has just got the fire started when you all get back from the beach: the warmth of the flames sooth your chilled damp skin. regardless of the warmth, you slip into your tent to grab a hoodie to further keep you from feeling cold.

logan and matthew had just started the grill when you emerge back outside. logan was preparing the frozen patties for cooking, while matthew was cleaning the grill's top with the metal bristled brush - his biceps flexing with each movement on the bars.

"hey, y/n, wanna help me with the salad?" janie asks from the picnic table. her voice has you quickly looking away from your friends arms and over to her - janie eyeing you playfully as she chops through some cherry tomatoes.

"yeah," you hum, taking a seat across from her. you can feel her still giving you that teasing look, so you busy yourself with slicing through the sticks of celery - cubing them because you know matthew prefers them that way - to avoid her gaze.

a moment later, you hear the brunette sigh, tossing her tomatos and shredded leaves into the red serving bowl. "so," she begins, "what were you and matthew talking about."

you eye her, but she has moved her attention to crumbling feta.

janie continues, "in the laker earlier. it seemed..." she pauses, squinting in thought as she tried to think of her wording - "intense." she settles on, feta clinging to her fingers.

you hum nonchalantly, scooping the cubed celery into your palms and dropping it into the salad. "did it?"

she nods suspiciously, "yeah, and i've been thinking about how the past few years something between you two has seemed rather intense - since college. what's up with that?"

she is talking relatively quiet, but you still glance over your shoulder to make sure nobody is listening - the three boys are laughing around the grill, completely oblivious.

when you meet your friends eyes again, she quirks an eyebrow in your direction knowingly. janie is looking at you like she knows you're deepest darkest secret - not just about the casual hookups between you, but also your feelings for matthew.

you should've known janie would figure it out sooner or later. when you moved to arizona and started at the new highschool, not only had you become close with matthew, but you had become just as close with janie. you were instantly drawn to her bubbly personality and confidence - she was your best girl friend. if you weren't with matthew - you were with the small brunette girl.

as she looks at you, she's not even working on cutting up vegetables for the salad - her full attention is on you.

you don't feel like hiding anymore. "janie," you sigh sadly, hands dropping the knife so you can cover your cheeks, "I have to tell you something."

she huffs happily, leaning further over the picnic table. "spill."

then, quietly and with a much detail as you can manage, you tell your friend everything. you start with when you realized you had feelings for matthew in freshman year and when the crush turned into love. you tell janie about your and matthew's pact about loosing your virginities and then turning 18 and having sex for the first time - about how your relationship turned into one with benefits and how you were still falling deeper in love with matthew.

she listenes intently, every so often making sure the guys are busy and not eavesdropping on your private confession - which you were thankful for as you were way too distracted with your own beating heart to notice if there were prying ears.

when you finish, ending on your brief conversation in the lake that afternoon, janie smiles at you softly. "I had a feeling there was something going on - but I didn't realize you were in love with him."

"really?" you laugh in disbelief, "I thought I was being obvious at times."

she hums in thought, mixing the dressing into the fresh salad. "if anything, I thought it was the other way around. like if it was matthew here telling me he loved you - I wouldn't be suprised."

her words are similar to a punch in the gut, but instead of pain it's a wave of hopefulness and excitement. "what?" you question gently, "what do you mean?"

she laughs gently, "this whole time I thought that he's had a secret crush on you. he's been so touchy with you, and he's always looking at you all cute and blah," she says, "it makes sense now - you've been hooking up."

and now it feels like a punch, you think. matthew was only looking at you and teasing you and touching you in a way that could be construed as being in love because he knew you'd give him sex. and like you've already comes to terms with that - you're okay with that. you love matthew, of course, not just romantically but as your best friend. so as long as he was happy with your arrangement, and still felt comfortable telling you everything and anything like you two have always done - you were happy.

"you're right with that," you tell janie. you reach into the cooler pulled open on the picnic bench, cracking open a white claw to take a gulp. "but seriously, i'm fine with this. i'm used to the unrequited love thing with him, trust me."

she gives you one more smile, "okay, as long as you're okay then i'm okay."

"care for some meat in your buns?" logan says loudly, approaching the picnic bench with a paper plate loaded with burgers. matthew and daniel follow behind him, both laughing like little kids at their friend's attempt at a dirty joke.

"don't be gross," janie stands, grabbing the plate to set it next to the condiments on the other side of the salad and cooler.

you watch as daniel thanks his girlfriend with a kiss on the cheek, making janie smile brightly as she opens the bun bag.

you're hit with a momentary wave of longing as you watch your friend so happy with the man she loves, and you wish it was like that with you and matthew - despite knowing he would never want that with you.

logan, ever the flirt, kisses your cheek loudly and then rounds to the other side of the wooden bench to give janie the same one. "thanks for the salad ladies, love you both." he plops down beside daniel and starts to load his plate with some macoroni salad.

you laugh gently while daniel starts playfully yelling at logan about kissing his girlfriend. subconsciously, you use your shoulder to wipe the cheek your friend had smooched.

matthew sits down next to you, definitely too close for just friends. now that janie knows though, you don't feel to worried about the proximity, letting his leg push up against yours underneath the table.

"you want a burger?" matthew asks you, his hand circling on your lower back.

you nod, "yeah, thanks. just one."

he reaches down the table towards the end farthest away, grabbing your burger and two for himself - he even dresses yours exactly how you love it, which obviously has you smiling. in thanks, you serve him his salads - matthew too distracted with devouring his first burger to serve himself them.

matthew acknowledges your act of service with his calf wrapping around the front of your shin, pulling your leg to rest between his own under the table. and then when he smiles at you all cheesy between bites of his food - you don't even get disgusted, only feeling fuzzy and tingly all over.

you chug the rest of your white claw.

"when do you think the fireworks will start?" logan grunts across the bonfire, shoving a marshmallow on his stick roughly. "it's dark as shit."

janie shushes him and tells him not to swear - a couple little kids laugh in the distance to prove her point.

"soon," you tell him, twisting your metal stick that holds your marshmallow over the flames. the gooey ball slowly turning brown and crispy as you spin it. "patience is key, logan."

"yeah, well, my patience is running thin." logan chimes, pushing his own stick into the fire.

matthew laughs beside you, "you don't have patience to begin with."

the blonde scoffs, "y/n, tell the peanut gallery to quiet down."

you and matthew giggle quietly to each other at your friends annoyance. you let your arm bump into his bicep on your shared bench, head briefly resting against his shoulder as you laugh.

your marshmallow catches fire, and you smile victoriously. you pull it out from the bonfire and up to your mouth. the flame from the treat is hot on your face, but you blow it out quickly, leaving you with a melted and charred marshmallow. "alright, matty, i'm ready for the sandwich."

matthew praises your perfectly burnt marshmallow. "yes ma'am," he teases. you watch as he brings his arms up, a graham cracker with a square of chocolate in each hand, clutched between his fingers. you watch as he smooshes the marshmallow between the crackers, smoothly pulling the gooey sticky treat off the stick.

he smiles, "and there you go," matthew hands you the campfire treat, "take a bite of that and tell me it's not the perfectly crafted s'more."

he had been going on about his double deckered s'more since the drive to the campsite - claiming nobody could make the desert as good as he could. you had teased him relentlessly all afternoon about it, so once the fire had gotten started, matthew was quick to get the s'more kit out.

you send him a look, grabbing the s'more and taking a big bite. you feel the marshmallow goo smear onto your lips, graham cracker crumbling to the ground. you chew delicately, matthew watching you the entire time.

you swallow, "it's good."

"just good?" he repeats, eyes widening.

your use your free hand to wipe your mouth, "the best part was the marshmallow - which i contributed. just tasted like a normal s'more with extra chocolate."

he scoffs in disbelief, "which is the best part!"

you scrunch your nose, licking some smeared chocolate from your thumb. "the marshmallow is the best, actually."

he rolls his eyes playfully, "fine." then he dips his head down, taking the rest of your s'more between his teeth and right out of your hand.

you screech, "you better make me another one."

he shakes his head and swallows, "no you didn't like it." he faux's annoyance, turning his face away from you.

"oh my god," you huff.

"can you make me one of your s'mores?" daniel asks from across the small bonfire, leaning forward on his camping chair to catch matthew's eyes.

matthew sighs, "what's the point...my best friend doesn't even like them."

you laugh at his fake huffy tone, "I didn't say I didn't like them!"

he turns back to you, "didn't have to."

you laugh again loudly, and at the sound matthew finally cracks a smile. he throws an arm around your shoulders, pulling you into his chest. "i'm teasing you," you whispers into your hairline.

"had no idea," you tell him playfully, tilting your head up to look him in the eyes. he smirks down at you - one his his hands coming up to your mouth, where he thumbs the missed marshmallow off your lip.

you swallow nervously but continue to look up at him - the sound of your friends laughter and obliviousness to you and matthew fading into the background.

the squeal of a firework has you looking away just in time for the boom to sound throughout the campsite, sparks of red and blue lighting up the sky in the distance.

"fuck yeah," logan cheers, jumping up from his seat, claiming he gets a better viewing angle if he stands.

janie follows suit, phone out to get pictures and videos of the firework show - daniel at her side as all there backs are now turned to the forgotten flames of the bonfire.

as you watch the beautiful lights, you feel matthew squeeze around your shoulders tighter and then he presses a long kiss to the corner of your mouth.

you're one of the last ones sitting by the dying fire, your body flushed with the heat and alcohol. still sitting beside you, matthew laughs deeply at something logan says - his shoulder rubs against yours at the movement. you're also laughing at logan's slurred attempt at a joke, and you shush them gently through your giggles.

logan moves to stand, his lean body swaying slightly as his arms reach up over his head in a long stretch. "should probably head to sleep anyways."

"me too." you nod in agreement, "janie will have us all up before 7 for that hike she's been taking about."

both matthew and logan groan at the thought, heads dropping backwards in protest. you roll your eyes but smile, although you're also not looking forward to the early wake up call, the hiking trail looked beautiful and you were looking forward to the scenery - clearly, the boys couldn't care less.

"alright, kniesy, you want the blue sleeping bag or the green one?" logan teases, his fingers working against the zipper of the tent as he glances over his shoulder at you both.

matthew shrugs nonchalantly. he puts out the last tiny gathering of flames in the pit with a jug of lake water. "i'm not sharing with you. i'll share with y/n...she smells better."

his words make you blush. you turn away and busy yourself with cleaning up the collection of alcohol cans littered around the small campsite - tossing them in one of the empty coolers for disposal in the morning.

"dick." logan scoffs playfully, "I wear dior but suit yourself." logan doesn't protest any further, and clambers into his form of shelter, zipping up the tent's entrance behind him - leaving you alone.

you can hear matthew pick up some beer bottles, the glass clanking together in his hands. he clears his throat, "is that okay?"

you hum lightly with question. you don't turn to look at him, too worried about the reaction your body might have now that you're finally alone with matthew after a day of tension.

"that we share a tent? is that okay?" matthew walks up behind you, and he reaches to grab the can in your hand.

you finally meet his eyes as you look back at him. "course it's okay," you say gently. with your hands now free, they itch to reach out and run over his torso, pull him into you and kiss him roughly right there.

"i've got these if you want to head into bed." matthew tells you quietly, tossing more cans into the cooler.

you blink three times, and you swallow with a quick nod. "okay." you start making towards the direction of now your and matthew's shared tent, listening as matthew cleans up the picnic table. you pause, looking over you shoulder.

as if matthew can feel your stare, he glances back at you. he raises his brows with a smirk at your face - clearly on the verge of saying something. before you can talk yourself out of it, you smile teasingly. "i'll make sure I smell real good for you."

matthew grins, straightening his posture as he finishes cleaning the table he'd been hunched over. under the glow of the stars, you can see matthew's face flush at your comment, and knowing your words had affected him in some way have you blushing.

matthew clears his throat, "looking forward to it."

your blush deepens.

you take two steps backward until you feel the polyester entrance of the tent. matthew sends one more seductive smirk in your direction before you spin around, climbing into your tent in an attempt to calm yourself down.

you can hear matthew tidying up the plastic garbage bags while you take a few deep breaths, pressing a hand to your warm forehead in an attempt to stay grounded. your stomach flutters at the mere thought of matthew coming into the tent with you, never mind the ideas that flood your head of what will happen when you two will finally be alone.

you exhale, kicking your sandals off to the side so you don't trek any dirt into the sleeping area. you had already pumped up the air mattress in preparation for sleep. sleeping bags had always made you claustrophobic: so you avoided them.

quickly, you start fluffing the bedding and shoving your things around until it looks somewhat organized. you're not sure why you feeling so nervous, but there's something about what's been brewing that has your chest tightening and mouth drying. maybe it was because you two were technically in public and not alone - or possibly because you hadn't had sex in a few weeks. either way, the thought of matthew had you trembling.

just as you flick the small portable lamp on and the inside of the tent becomes illuminated with a dim glow, you can hear matthew begin to tug on the tent's zipper - he struggles a few times, no doubt from the combination the alcohol and the darkness of the late night.

"fuck me," matthew mutters as he finally steps in. the sound of his voice sends your heart racing, and you smile gently to try and seem calm. the flashlight is shining from his phone and through his front hoodie pocket - he must've just slipped it in there as he entered. "stupid zipper."

you clear your throat, "maybe it's not the zipper that's stupid..." you trail of teasingly, grabbing onto your duffle bag to lug it on top the mattress.

matthew laughs, raising his brows in your direction. "you're just such a bully today."

you purse your lips, digging through your belongings until you find your lemon printed pyjama set. "you're still bitter because I won the race -"

"by cheating," he reminds you cheekily. matthew must've made a trip to his car after putting the garbage in logan's truck bed, because you see his overnight bag on his arm. he drops it near the foot of the bed with a thud.

"by being smart." you correct him with a hum.

matthew drops down to the mattress beside you, the velvet material puffing under his weight - the movement sends you into his side. now that you're closer, he reaches out slowly, tucking some of your fallen hair behind your ear.

you grip onto your pyjamas to keep yourself present as matthew's eyes bore into yours - a little hazy from the alcohol but they're still the most beautiful eyes you've seen.

his hand moves back, thick fingers threading through strands of hair so he can hold the side of your head, his thumb stroking along your scalp behind your ear.

you think you may have a heart attack. the combination of his intense lustful gaze and his hands on your skin has you squirming.

"you've always been so smart," matthew continues quietly, and his breath tickles against your red cheeks. "expect for s'more knowledge - you're not too smart in that department."

you click your tongue, gently pushing against his peck in protest. "you're such a little shit."

matthew grabs you, his warm palm wrapping around your wrist so you're unable to pull your hand away from his chest. "I miss you," he tells you through an exhale, his finger stroking along the pulspoint on your wrist.

you hope he can't feel how fast your heart is beating. you swallow gently, and your free hand slides up his leg, resting right against the thick muscle above his knee. "i'm right here," you whisper.

matthew nods once, "I know."

the tone of his words seems off, but he doesn't leave you room to question it. matthew leans in, mouth capturing yours in a long awaited kiss. the little moments of tension throughout the day had finally spilled over as his lips slide against yours.

all nerves you'd been feeling disappear at the familiarity of his kiss and you sigh into his mouth pleasantly. slowly, your hand slips up towards his face. matthew allows you to move, releasing his grip on your wrist so you can cradle his jawline with both of your hands.

with his now free hand, matthew grabs onto your waist, fingers curling into your skin as he begins to guide your body backwards - slowly, as if not startle you or rush you.

matthew keeps your lips connected until your back hits the rubber mattress, continuing his delicious assault on your mouth as you fall into a horizontal position. the air mattress squeaks and puffs under the change in position - typically a comical sound, but with the way matthew's lips trial down your jaw and continue down to your jugular, you don't find it humorous. you're too distracted from the wet kisses on your skin and the weight of his body on yours.

matthew pauses where your neck meets your collarbone, nipping at your sunkissed skin before soothing the sting out with his tongue, licking a flat strip over every bite. the feeling has you panting quietly, your hands raking through his thick brown locks. he sucks on to your sweet spot, right in the pit of your collarbone, and your grip tightens - illiciting a moan from matthew.

"lift your hips for me, baby," his command is whispered against the shell of your ear, pressing a kiss there, which sends a shiver through your body.

you do as he requested, lifting your lower half off the bed. you core bumps against his crotch, matthew's semi bumping your bundle of nerves perfectly - the contact sends a moan tumbling past your puffy lips.

matthew hisses, "fuck can't do that baby - feels too good." he pushes off your body, leaning back to rest against his heels.

your smirk, thrusting your hips into the air involuntarily - searching for the friction he had provided just moments before.

matthew reaches towards you, hands landing on your hip bones. he curses, two of his fingers hooking the waistband of your bottoms, tugging them down in one rough pull.

instinctively, your legs fall open wider, exposing your bare core further for matthew. your body was clearly ready for whatever was to come next - you feel yourself clench around nothing at the thought.

the dim light catches you, and matthew smirks at the sight your pussy glistening with arousal. "fuck," he curses again. two of his thick fingers slide through your folds, playing and gathering your wetness and spreading it up to your clit. "already so wet for me."

you whine, "please, matty - don't tease. I need you so bad." his fingers prode at your dripping entrance and you sigh pleasantly, tugging your lip between your teeth as you watch him move. matthew slips a finger inside and your back arches off the mattress, mouth falling open in a silent moan.

"feel good, baby?" he question, pumping into you lazily - hitting all the right places and nerves that could have you coming in seconds.

you moan again, "I need you inside me."

"yeah, okay," matthew breaths, pulling his fingers from your entrance with a squelch. he makes you suck your arousal off his digits - watching you blissfully and mouth hung open as your tongue swirls along his fingers.

matthew stands up, quickly shoving his pants down his thick thighs. he's left naked from the waist down, only left in his maroon hoodie.

the sight of that has you giggling, biting on your thumb to try and contain your wave of laughter.

matthew laughs as he pulls his sweatshirt over his head in one swift motion - leaving him bare in the privacy of your tent. any and all previous laughter comes to a halt, and you admire his naked form shamelessly. he's always been so sexy, you think. with a broad strong chest and defined abs, accompanied by his thick arms and legs - he was the epitome of perfect.

"fuck," you swear, "come back here."

he listens to you request, naked body soon hovering over you. "shit," matthew curses gently after a quick press to your lips. "I don't have condoms." he tells you, pushing himself further above you with one arm. affectionately, his other hand strokes the hair away from your face.

you shake your head and bring your lower lip into your mouth again - knawing on the swollen skin. "I don't care," you admit to him quitley.

matthew's face lights up, and his brows raise in a silent question. "you sure?"

you shrug with a small smile, "I mean, I haven't like been with anyone in awhile- and i'm clean...if you're-"

"i'm clean," he interrupts you gently.

you stomach swoops with a mix of nervousness and excitement. the lips you had once been knawing at is released with a quiet pop - a wide grin breaking out on your face.

matthew takes the bruised coloured lip between his, licking the skin before bringing you into another kiss. your lips crash together passionately, brushing over one another in a way that makes your body feel like it's on fire. your heart is palpating in your chest when matthew's hand leaves your hair, trailing down your body until it reaches your bare hipbone.

his warm hands slides up, pushing your hoodie towards your chest with his fingers. he breaks the kiss momentarily, matthew's chest heaving against yours as he tries to catch his breath. "arch your back for me."

"m'kay," you hum, lifting your lower back offthe mattress. with the space under you, matthew pulls your hoodie off your torso, pulling it over you head and throwing it towards your duffle bag that had been pushed off the bed - sitting upside down on the polyester floor.

now left in only a yellow printed bikini top, nipples pebbled underneath the thin damp material. matthew's tongue darts out to wet his lower lip, and he rips away the cups from your breasts, revealing you completely. "fuck, you're so pretty." he mumbles.

"matty, please fuck me." you whimper, hooking your leg around the curve of his hip, locking yourself in place against him. you tug him down gently, his hard on bumping your bare core roughly.

you moan in unison at the friction. matthew answers you by gripping his throbbing dick in his fist and he pumps himself a few times, readying himself for your warmth. he lines the tip of himself with your hole, gently sliding his head through your dripping wet folds - bumping your clit until your whining.

"matty," you whine. "please."

his head slides into you, slowly, your pussy pulling him in naturally. the full feeling was so beautifully overwhelming, and you push your head further into the pillow under you, mouth falling open in pleasure.

you mewl at his dick filling you, "so much," you mumble, hands blindly finding the edge of your pillow case until you can grip onto it - grounding yourself. "always so much."

"shh... just a little bit more, baby," matthew soothes you, his hand coming up from between your bodies to untangle your hand from the pillow. he interlocks his fingers with yours, squeezing his hand in yours as he slides into you fully.

"oh my- shit," you curse, eyes darting down as matthew begins to thrust into your pussy. your free hand shoots up to hold onto his thick shoulder, keeping yourself in place as the pace begins to pick up.

"god, you feel so fucking good." he moans, leaning down so his lips capture yours. the kiss is more heavy breathing and exploring tongues than anything else, but it all feels too damn good to care.

matthew breaks the kiss, his forehead pressing against yours. his hips and dick continuing to thrust into you at the speed and pressure you love so much.

in that moment, you think how easy it would be for you to tell him you love him. the way he keeps his eyes trained on your face, or the way he touches you so delicately - it's almost impossible to not to slip up and say something. his skilled kisses and forceful thrusts into you, it's all too much.

"you okay, baby?" he huffs, eyes locking on yours as he continues thrusting.

you nod, pushing your lips on his once more. your stomach tingles when matthew immediately kisses you back. he untangles your intertwined hands in favour of reaching between your bodies again, thumbing your sensitive clit.

you moan loudly, "fuck, keep doing that." he silences your noises with a quick peck, continuing the double stimulation on your pussy.

in the three years of having casual sex with matthew, he has come to know your body very well - including when you're going to finish. he feels the way your walls begin to clamp down on his dick, as is if you were trying to pull him deeper into you. your grip on his shoulder tightens, your nails no doubt leaving creasing shaped indents on his tan skin.

matthew watches the way your face changes, an intense blissful expression taking over.

"i'm gunna..."

"I know, fuck, cum on my dick." he grunts between thrusts.

the coil in your stomach snaps at his command, and you release on him - your juices flowing from your weeping hole and wetting his lower region.

with three more hard thrusts, matthew moans, pushing into you as he finishes. you feel his cum coat your insides, thick ropes of semen spilling from his head and covering your sticky walls.

matthew grabs a hold of your hip, gently pushing down as he slowly pulls himself out of you. "shit," he curses, watching the way his cum drips from you, pooling against your ass and spilling onto the mattress. "you okay, y/n/n?"

you nod tiredly with a faint smile on your puffy lips, pushing up onto your elbows. "i'm okay," you confirm. "can you get me my pyjamas? I think I threw them on the floor earlier."

matthew laughs gently, "yeah." he crawls off your body, and you admire his naked ass as he walks over to the opposite of the bed to your tipped bag. he picks up your lemon set, tossing them at you gently. "you don't want to naked cuddle?"

you giggle, pulling on your top and buttoning it together. "janie will be in here early - can't have her seeing us naked."

he shrugs, pulling his boxer briefs back up his legs. "nothing wrong with a bit of nakedness."

you squawk, "maybe I don't want her to see you naked."

matthew brings his bottom lip between his teeth, smirking down at you as you pull your shorts on. "why? you'd be jealous?"

"more like embarrassed," you tease.

"hey!" he laughs, crawling back over your body to capture your laughing mouth in another kiss.

Part Four (B):

the summer breeze blows your sundress against your knees, the soft fabric tickling your legs. you sway with the warm air, eyes dancing over the busy park as you wait for matthew to return.

you watch him make his way over, a bright smile on his face as he weaves through walking adults and hyper kids. the sight has you breaking out into a grin, your previously crossed arms falling to your sides just as he reaches you. "and one vanilla cone for a pretty girl."

"why thank you kind sir," you tease with a light giggle. you waste no time, licking a flat strip up the sweet ice cream, moaning gently as the cool desert melts in your mouth.

matthew chuckles at the sound, tongue wrapping around his own cone. "good?"

"mhm!" you mumble in answer, your mouth full of ice cream.

matthew smiles, licking some more chocolate desert off his cone. he grabs your hand in his much warmer palm, interlocking your fingers together as you continue to stroll further into the arizona park.

the bright sun shines over the area, illuminating the vibrant leaves on the trees and the colourful flower beds that sat at every stump and bush. the scene is so relaxing and peaceful, like something from a painting.

matthew has always looked so amazing in the summer, you think. his hair becomes lighter, and he always bulks back up from the end of season weight loss. you watch as his muscles contract under his white shirt, and the sight has your mouth watering. you distract yourself by eating some more of your treat.

"you okay?" he squeezes your hand, "want some chocolate ice cream?"

"i'm fine," you say, "I do want some though - give me a lick." matthew holds his cone out infront of your face, and you grip his wrist to steady his hand while you taste some of his ice cream - taking a good sized amount of chocolate on your tongue.

you smile, pleased, and release your grip - once he pulls back, matthew eyes you suspiciously. "you sure you're okay? you looked pretty deep in thought for a minute there."

"just thinking about how delicious my ice cream is!" you say lightly, sending matthew an overly large grin in hopes to throw him off your track - it fails.

"y/n." he deadpans.

you moan gently, head falling to matthew's bicep. "fine! honestly i'm thinking about how pretty you look in this sunshine."

a fond smile makes its way onto his face, "you're such a sap."

"hey," you scoff, pulling away from matthew's touch. "don't be an asshole, I was trying to be nice and compliment you - I take it back."

"I was joking," he draws out, hands reaching back out for you, "come here." matthew successfully grabs onto your wrist, pulling you back into his space. he then wraps his arm around your shoulders, keeping your body tucked into him as you leisurely walk along.

you pout largely and mumble, "better be."

matthew laughs breathily at your exaggerated facial expression, and he brushes his lips against your sweaty hairline in an apology.

you walk in silence for a few minutes, taking in the busy park while you and matthew finish off your respective ice cream cones. it's moments like this that you cherish so much with your best friend. the moments of complete silence, where the two of your just enjoy each others presence without words. one of the reasons you love matthew so much is because how comfortable he makes you, no matter where you are or what you're doing.

eventually, you take a deep inhale, breaking the silence between you. "thanks for the ice cream, matty. and for bringing me here."

he shrugs nonchalantly, "of course. I feel like we haven't spent time together, just us, in sooooo long. wanted to be with my favourite person."

your face heats up instantly and you smirk teasingly, gazing up at him fondly. "look who's the sap now." you nudge your elbow deeper into his side, and then wrap that arm around his waist so he can't pull away from you.

"oh okay," matthew sighs, "I see how it is."

"i'm kidding," you sing song, laughing gently. your free hand comes up to grab his fingers on the hand that was dangling of your sundress covered shoulders. "dish it but can't take it, matty?"

matthew slows in his steps, making you both come to a gradual stop. he grabs your waist, spinning your body to completely face his as you stand still in the middle of the park. "you're impossible, y/n/n." matthew says with a grin. he takes one hand and reaches for your face, your warm summer flush being covered by his palm.

"shut up," you say through a smile, "you're the impossible one."

"mhm," matthew hums quietly, thumb stroking along your cheek bone as he holds you. you watch the way his eyes move over your face gently, staring at all your freckles and moles, down to your lips and back up to your bright eyes. matthews tongue darts out to wet his bottom lip, his fond expression indicating he didn't really hear what you said - too distanced by....you.

you swallow gently, your own eyes never once straying from his face as he studies you. you feel unbearably warm under his gaze, heat bubbling in your blood in the best possible way.

matthew's right hand comes up to brush against the other side of your face, holding you between his large palms. on instinct, you touch his hips, your delicate fingers dusting along the linen fabric of his shirt.

he finds your eyes once more, holding your gaze for a long moment. that fond look had yet to disappear, and if anything it become more prevalent when your eyes locked.

you think you might gasp, or swear or pass out - you're not sure, but your head is spinning with love and happiness under matthew's stare.

you're not sure if you should say anything. you think of maybe asking him if he's okay, but your words die on your tongue when matthew licks his lips again, wetting the plump skin in a way that makes them even more desirable.

a beat passes, and then matthew finally closes the gap between you and captures your lips in his. the pressure is comforting and the way he sucks your top lip into his mouth expertly had your knees feeling weak - gripping onto his waist to keep yourself upright.

the kiss doesn't last long enough before matthew is pulling away - mindful of the busy public setting and the people bustling around the park. you sigh at the loss of contact, and at the sound of your disappointment matthew leans back in, stealing one more chaste kiss.

"you taste like vanilla," matthew says cheekily, he's still holding your face, keeping you close in his space.

you scrunch your nose up, the skin crinkling in the middle of of your face. matthew smiles at the sight. slowly, he releases your face, hands coming down to interlock your fingers once again - tugging on your hand as he begins to walk again.

"you taste like dusty waffle cone." you say, squeezing his hand reassuringly.

matthew chuckles, "you love my dusty waffle cone." he swings your intertwined hands between your bodies, his knuckles brushing the soft material of your sundress with every pass.

you take a long breath in, smiling gently - the scent of peonies and roses invading your senses pleasantly. you look towards matthew and find him already smiling at you.

you shrug at his statement, "I prefer sweet."

his smiles widens, "good thing i'm sweet enough without the ice cream then, huh?"

matthew's teasing has you blushing all the way to your chest and up your ears, nibbling on your lip in an attempt to contain your grin. "good thing."

matthew's smile softens slightly, but the look of amusement never leaves his eyes. he tugs your arm, "c'mon," he says, "let's go get food and then head home - i've been having an urge to binge american pie."

"deal," you smile, "but only if we get pizza."

matthew groans in agreement, "you've got a deal."

Part Four (C): halloween, sophomore year UNI

"whoops," you mumble, arms held out to regain your shaky balance after almost falling over. normally you'd blame your stumbling on the uneven concrete outside your residence building, but the margarita's pumping through your blood were definitely the reason tonight.

"careful," matthew laughs, a strong arm reaching out to grasp on to your waist. one of your devil wings stabs into his ribs, but because of his own alcohol intake, matthew doesn't seem to feel it. "did you want me to come up with you?"

you hum with contemplation, slowing in your steps as you approach the glass doors of residence. "think i'll be okay..." you smirk, spinning in his arms so fast it makes you momentarily dizzy. "unless you want to fuck."

matthew laughs, "we are both too drunk." he's almost suprised at his own common sense - even furrows his brows after he finishes the scentence.

"you're right," it's a sigh from your lips, and you fall forward into his chest, arm circling around his waist over the angel costume. "at least a kiss before I go?"

matthew smirks at your pouty face, your chin pressed between his pecks as you stare up at him. wordlessly, he grabs a hold of your face and kisses you.

the kiss is a little messy, and the flavours of your respective drinks mix between your shared silvia. regardless, it still has your blood pumping in your ears and matthew grinning against your mouth - both of you too drunk to care.

when he pulls away, his eyes are droopy with sleep and lust. "y/n/n," he whispers, "can I tell you something."

"always," you slur.

he brushes over the top of your head, smoothing your frizzy curls. "I purposely rejected girls last year so that i'd loose my virginity to you....because I only wanted it to be you. I've never wanted anyone the way I want you."

too drunk to disect his words, you smile clueless, pressing a chaste kiss to the palm of his hand. "I wanted it to be you too."

matthew, who is also too drunk to take in your words or understand his own, smiles cheekily. "wanna get frozen yogurt tomorrow?"

you gasp, "yes!"

the next afternoon when you both wake up, neither of you get frozen yogurt because neither of you remember the conversation.

Part Five:

something has definitely changed between you and matthew. maybe it was just in your head, but ever since the kiss you shared in the park a few week prior, there has been a shift between you.

touches lingered longer, eyes swam with newfound confidence and when he would kiss you, he would do it just for the purpose of kissing. it wouldn't lead to sex or a heated make out, matthew would simply just kiss you hello and goodbye or after a teasing remark.

and sure, it's not that matthew would only kiss you when he wanted sex before that - but it was never for no reason. the park kiss was the first time you felt loved by matthew and when he kissed you because he just felt like it.

you think maybe there's a possibility something was blooming between you. a small chance that matthew had feelings for you - that he loved you.

"hey," matthew whispers, hand squeezing your thigh to grab your attention. "you okay?"

you blink, looking away from the tiny airplane window and over to your friend. you nod, "i'm okay," matthew's eyes scan your features quickly, but you catch his worried eyes - sending a reassuring smile. "just trying to remember if I packed my toothbrush." you lie easily.

matthew seems to buy it, laughing gently into your shoulder. "if you did, i'll buy you a new one."

you smile, and your arms snake around his bicep in a hug. "better be one of those expensive electric ones if that's the case." you tease quietly. matthew laughs again, his arm flexing under your hands.

"anything you want."

only a week after your ice cream date in the park, matthew had asked if you wanted to come with him to toronto for a week. he said that around august every year, the guys started to get back into the groove of things, so he was thinking of heading back for a brief visit before moving back for the season.

when you asked why he wanted you to come, he said he wanted his favourite person to meet his toronto family, which obviously sent you into a loving spiral. it was enough for you to agree, packing your bags and accompanying your best friend to canada a week later.

you find yourself turning to look out the window once again, the CN tower looking back at you from a few miles in the distance. a wave of excitement floods you, and your turn back to matthew.

"i'm excited to meet everyone," you admit. one of your hands move from his arm to grab his hand that was on your leg, palm coming down on the top of his hand. "can't wait for them to tell me how much of pest you are in the locker room."

he scoffs playfully, "the only reason you want to see everyone is so that you can talk shit?... I should've known better."

you laugh, hiding your face in matthew's broad shoulder. he smiles at the sound, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. you smile into his shirt at the feeling, letting your brain run wild with feelings.

"are you sure it's okay that i'm staying with you?"

"course," matthew hums, "john and aryne are so excited to meet you. aryne has already said how stoked she is to have a girl in the house for a week."

that has you grinning, squeezing his hand happily. "I can't believe i'm going to meet an nhl superstar," you whisper giddy.

matthew quirks a brow, "you've met me. I thought I was an nhl superstar?"

"you'll still be my favourite," you trail off, tilting your head up so brush your lips against his, giving matthew a chaste kiss.

'attention passengers, we will be making our descend to toronto pearson international airport now - please ensure you remain seated and keep your seatbelts buckled until landing."

matthew pulls away from your kiss, giving your thigh another assuring squeeze.

—

"no way!" you grin, your knife slowing is it cuts through your piece of saucy chicken, "what did you do?" you asked amused, stabbing your food before bringing it to your mouth.

aryne tavares swallows her mouthful of water, placing the glass down gently. "well, I panicked for sure! I ushered axton to go with steph, and handed the baby to jake's wife. then I ran after jace! he sure is small but god did his small legs outrun me."

you laugh lightly, slowly chewing your piece of chicken before swallowing. "that's sweet though, regardless."

"I know," she smiles sweetly, eating some of her own honey garlic seasoned meat.

beside you, matthew laughs as well, shoving another mouthful of rice in his mouth. "he made me ride home with them because he was worried - held my hand the whole time." he tells you between chews of his food.

you coo, forking some of your crispy potatoes.

aryne and john tavares had picked you up from the pearson airport terminal, and they greeted you like you were apart of their family and have known you for years. immediately, you felt welcomed by the tavares', all of you falling into comfortable conversation on the drive to their home.

you and aryne had cooked dinner together, laughing and talking like the two of you had done it many times before - making a delicious honey garlic glazed chicken with whole grain rice and crisp baby potatoes.

as you all sat down to eat, john and aryne wasted no time jumping into stories about matthew and his first few months in the NHL - including the most recent one that aryne had been sharing: when matthew got his concussion and their son, Jace, had ran through the arena to make sure matthew was okay.

"didn't stop him from whacking me with a mini stick the next morning," matthew teases after your fond coo.

you all laugh gently, not wanting to wake any of the kids from where they slept upstairs - wiped out from spending the day at their grandparents.

"I love that story," you admit fondly, finishing off your portion of perfectly seasoned rice.

"matthew said you would," john muses, sending your friend a knowing glance through his thick dark lashes, a smirk beginning to tug on the captain's mouth.

"did he now?" you tease in matthew's direction, further contributing to the blush rising on matthew's warm face. he chuckles gently, eyes trained on his empty dinner plate to avoid his captains tease and your soft gaze.

"he talks about you all the time," john continues to tease, laughing as his younger teammate splutters with embarrassment. "think I know more about you than I do about matthew."

aryne scolds her husband with a smile, smacking his arm gently.

"all good things I hope?" you question gently, a hopeful smile tugging your lips upwards as you look around.

matthew clears his throat quickly. "always" he tells you, rubbing along the top of your thigh, his warm palm tickling your exposed skin underneath the dining room table.

you blush, clearing your throat before taking a healthy sip of your water.

—

the weight of matthew's body on top of yours is foolproof. although his full weight isn't on you, the heat of his skin has you feeling amazing.

the spare bedroom popcorn ceiling of the tavares house is staring down at you, bright white and crisp. the room still smells like matthew - like he never left his home in toronto. his clothes still in the closet, and his cologne and old spice deodorant on the dresser.

a smile breaks out on your face at the sight and thought of matthew being so comfortable and happy in toronto, your eyes darting to his as he looks down at you - his own grin playing at his lips.

"I can believe i'm in your room."

his brows pull together ever so slightly, his lips tugging further upwards. "you've seen this room before."

"yeah," you sigh, "but only on facetime. this is different - I love it."

matthew laughs gently, face dipping down to hide in the crook of your neck. his hair tickles your skin, and the tip of his nose nudges against your pulse point. matthew presses his lips on your sweet spot, but instead of kissing you, he blows a raspberry. the feeling has you squirming, a tiny squeal falling form your lips as you laugh - trying to escape the tickle sensation.

he pulls away to look at you, a cheeky smile on his face.

"you're ridiculous," you laugh, pinching the inside of his bicep.

matthew's smile widens, "you love when I do that."

"no I don't." your smile gives you away, and matthew is leaning back in, blowing a quick raspberry on your flushed cheek - eliciting another laugh from you. he soothes the tickle with a quick kiss, turning your face more pink.

"I missed you so much when I was here," matthew says gently, "I can't believe that you're with me right now."

you blink in suprise, a fond smile blooming on your lips. "nowhere else i'd rather be."

he quirks a brow up playfully, "than with me?"

"no," you deadpan, "this bed. god, that nhl money really gets you the expensive mattresses, huh?" you tease, stretching your arms over your head in an exaggerated stretching motion.

matthew tongues his cheek with a grin before using one of his hands to tickle your exposed under arm. you squeak again, bringing your arms down quickly.

a moment passes, and then matthew is holding your cheek, his face coming down again but this time to kiss you softly. like usual, your stomach swoops, the feeling of his lips tenderly pressing into yours nothing short of perfect.

he pulls away an inch and then presses one more long kiss to your lips. you sigh pleasantly, eyes fluttering open to meet his blue ones again.

in between your spread legs, you feel matthew's dick twitch through his lulu shorts, right against your core. he groans quietly, "you know how many times i've jerked off in this bed thinking about sex with you?"

a mix of a laugh and gasp passes your lips, "matty! that's so gross."

he laughs amused, "and you love it."

you really do.

"so, what? i'm just laying in your cum? you're nasty." you laugh again, covering your face with in the crook of your elbow.

gently, he tugs your arm away, revealing your face to him once more. "my cum is literally in you."

you shush him, burning a deep burgundy all over.

"hey," matthew starts, "tomorrow I was thinking we could go around the city? do all that shitty tourist stuff until our heads explode. then tomorrow night, mitch and steph are having a get together at this club, thought we could go. then you can meet everyone else."

you smile brightly as you listen to matthew, enjoying the way he absentmindedly plays with the baby hairs around your face, pushing them off your forehead as he talks. "sounds perfect," you hum once he finishes.

matthew's smiles and he nods, pressing two quick kisses to your lips.

—

matthew woke you up at 7 a.m. the next morning, claiming you two had to get to the aquarium before the tourists did - when you reminded him that the two of you are also tourists, he shushed you quickly, making you laugh as his index finger pressed to your lips.

like he said he would, matthew took you around the whole city. he showed you the most iconic tourist spots in toronto - like the CN tower and museum, as well as bringing you to leafs square and showing you all his favourite spots. all day, matthew was so bubbly and happy showing you everywhere - he talked and laughed with you, never letting go of your hand or waist as he dragged you around toronto.

for a late lunch, matthew brought you to a cute cafe in trinity bellwoods, which was so delicious. while you both ate cheesy sandwiches, he had trapped your leg between his own, smiling gently anytime you caught gazes. it was all so....domestic and wonderful - you fought hard to not grin like a manic the entire day.

"you still up for tonight? everyone's looking forward to meeting you." matthew spoke into your ear on the walk back to his parked car, arm wrapped around your shoulder to keep you close.

"yes," you said, "i'm excited." and then matthew kissed you right outside the sky dome for everyone to see.

you were....so in love with him.

—

you sighed, hands flattening your black skirt down as you checked your outfit over in the bathroom mirror. your top glittered as it caught the warm glow of the lightbulbs above, elevating a rather simple outfit into one appropriate for an expensive night club.

still unsure, you brought you lip between your teeth, tasting the strawberry lip stain as you did. "matty," you called out gently, padding out of the en suite and into the spare room matthew's stuff occupied, "is this okay?"

sitting on the mattress, matthew looks up from his phone at the sound of your voice. instantly, his eyes soften and glaze over, his plump lips parting as he drinks you in from head to toe.

he stands up, phone long forgotten as he makes his way over towards you. "more than okay," matthew mutters, reaching out to run his calloused fingertips over your bare shoulder, "i'm going to have to fight off other men - you look so pretty. i'm pretty good at fighting though, so don't worry."

"loser," you chime with a smile, "think it's appropriate?"

"yes," he smiles, "they'll be falling at your feet."

you roll your eyes playfully, brushing past him to grab your shoes in your small travel bag, rifling through your options. "is the uber almost here?"

he nods, watching as you pull out your favourite pair of shoes. "yeah, they're about to pull up." matthew answers, walking back over to your side.

"m'kay," you hum, strapping on the heels of your sandals. you teeter without your full balance, and matthew immediately grabs your arm to steady you.

you fight back your grin, finishing with the buckle.

matthew leads you outside with a hand on your lower back, gently guiding you into the back seat of the uber. you think he may choose to sit in the front seat, but he climbs in after you, sliding beside you effortlessly.

in the short ride to the nightclub, matthew's hand doesn't leave your leg, his palm either squeezing the meat of your thigh or a finger stroking along your tanned skin.

there's a moment when your driver makes a turn onto the street for the club, and matthew looks down at you fondly. his free hand brushes away some hair, lingering by your ear when he whispers, "being with you feels like a dream I never want to wake up from."

you feel your body melt into the backseat, your grip on his bicep tightening as you stare up at him. without knowing what words to say, you choose to lean in, kissing him with as much love you can put into a kiss.

as matthew pulls away with a giddy smile, getting ready to guide you out the uber and into the line for the nightclub - you decide you're ready to tell him how you feel. when you both are back home, you're going to confess your love to him and you think - after this trip - he will feel the same.

you can see the way matthew looks at you, how he touches you and the words he says - you are positive your best friend is in love with you. the thought has you giddy, letting matthew pull you into the club with smiles on both your faces.

a cheerful loud chorus of greetings are thrown in your direction as you and matthew approach the teams occupied table at the back of the club. watching matthew light up at seeing and hearing his teammates reactions to him, instantly had you beaming.

your smile widens as matthew introduces you to everyone - first as a group, and then to everyone individually. he praises you everytime, which has you blushing. and when he doesn't introduce you as his best friend, but rather his girl, you just about melt into the sticky flooring.

everybody is friendly with you, and as you sit between matthew and steph marner, you've never felt more included in a new group of people before. steph asks about anything and everything she can think of, and you answer with just as much passion and enthusiasm as she has. then the other wags chime in and ask you about yourself - matthew smiling fondly with an arm strewn over the back of your chair - it was all you could of wanted.

the first hour is spent catching up and getting to know everyone at the table, laughter and appetizers shared between you all.

it was all going perfectly, and then, "kniesy, does your girlfriend want another drink?" you hear jake mcCabe ask matthew. you tune out amber brodie's words at the question, your heart thumping and stomach churning as you anticipate matthew's gentle correction.

she's not my girlfriend, but she'll probably want another one or we're just friends, but sure.

"hey," matthew mumbles against your ear, "want another drink?"

you smile through your momentary moment of shock, "yea...thanks."

matthew didn't correct the title of your relationship to him.

your smile widens, and you turn back to amber with a new sparkle in your eyes.

the music is a dull thump in your ears, the bass of the song sending vibrations through your body as you sway with the beat. matthew's hands are all over you, sliding down your curves and spinning you around to dance with him. it feels like your 18 again, getting drunk and dancing your nights away at the alchemy.

you think you've been out here for at least an hour, and your feet are starting to ache - but you don't find yourself to care. you can see some of matthew's teammates dancing on the floor as well, laughing and moving with one another a little bit aways from you both.

you still can't believe how nice and kind everyone of matthew's teammates and their significant others are - you hope you see them more often.

you hope you'll be coming down to toronto during the season to watch matthew play this season - sitting in the WAG box and wearing your friends last name on your back. steph has already (very tipsily) shouted about how she's adding you to their groupchat - the rest of the girls agreeing just as loud.

you feel so at home.

matthew's hand slides down over the round of you ass, squeezing the flesh tightly. you're pulled from you own thoughts at the feeling, blinking hard to regain reality. there's a glimmer in his eyes, sparkling under the blue lights and he smirks.

"I want to kiss you so bad," he says over the music, his words hitting the side of your face as he leans down.

thankfully, matthew's slightly hunched position has him close enough for you to be able to turn your head and speak directly into his ear. "kiss me," you tell him, your lips brushing the shell of his ear as you do so.

the kiss is messy and hot. the flavours of your respective drinks mixing on your tongues as they swirl in a dance of their own. you feel matthew smile into the kiss, which has you grinning as well.

somebody hollers in passing, and when you open your eyes you catch sight of mitch and steph behind you - sending you both grins and thumbs up, clearly the two of them for the cat calling moments before.

the combination of being flustered, the kiss and being surrounded of sweaty moving bodies has enough for you to pull away form matthew, swallowing thickly. "I need a drink."

"m'kay," he hums, "lets go back to our table first? then you can sit for a bit while I get us some drinks?"

you grin, nodding in agreement, matthew grabbing your hand and interlocking your fingers, pulling you through the crowd of people and in the direction to the table.

the table is covered in various picked through appetizers, half empty glasses and bottles. there's a few people still sitting around and socializing- mostly the older guys who don't feel like dancing.

there's somebody there you haven't met, a pretty blonde girl who is chatting happily to pontus holmbergs girlfriend near the end of the table.

matthew sees her too, and immediately he tenses, his hand in yours going limp as his body goes still, eyes wide and face pale.

you frown at him, "hey, what's wrong-"

"matthew?" the girl asks loudly, a grin taking over her perfect face as she bounds over to you both. "I didn't think you'd be here!"

the girl hugs matthew's tense shoulder and then...she kisses his cheek- very close to the side of his plump pair of lips.

you stomach falls along with your face. you pull your hand away from your friends, bringing it back to your side just as the girl turns in your direction, arms still draped over matthew's shoulders.

"i'm hayley," she says, "i'm matthew's friend."

matthew blinks hard, turning to you with an expression of guilt and sadness and fear....and your heart shatters.

she continues, "well, we've like hooked up a few times. is that friends, I don't know," hayley laughs, clearly unaware of the growing tension, "anyways, who are you? I don't think we've met."

matthew opens his mouth to speak, but you don't let him and you cut him off with a closed mouth smile, "just a friend from home."

"cute," hayley hums.

you nod, tears beginning to gather along your waterline. matthew watches you with that same shocked look, eyes bewildered and chest heaving. the walls feel like they are closing in on you, and your throat closes so you can't breath properly.

"I need some air," you say quickly and quitley, your eyes downcast as you turn around, darting through the crowd of the nightclub and to the door - leaving hayley, the team and matthew without another glance.

you begin to cry as soon as you step outside. your stomach is sitting heavy in your belly, weighing you down as your insides crumble with disappointment and heartbreak.

you don't know where you are going, but you start walking down the sidewalk. you didn't know where you were downtown, but you knew you couldn't go back inside and watch hayley hang over the man you love - even worse, you can't watch the way matthew lets her.

"y/n!"

you don't turn around, speeding up your walk. you pull out your phone, opening the uber app. you are already planning on getting a ride to the nearest hotel for the night - you'd get your bags tomorrow.

"y/n!" matthew calls from behind you again, "please, don't walk away."

you ignore him.

you can hear his footsteps on the pavement getting closer, and you bite down on your lips to stop the gut wrenching sob from leaving you.

"please let's just talk." matthew says loudly, "why are you so upset? stop walking away!"

you stop walking quickly and turn around forcefully. matthew takes a step back, closer than you anticipated, and stares at you breathing heavily, his brows pulled together as he sees your tear soaked face.

you huff, "you lied to me matthew."

he cringes at your angry tone and the use of his full name. matthew closes his eyes momentarily and takes a deep breath. "I should've said something sooner, I know, but it's nothing - there's nothing going on."

you laugh exasperated, "but clearly there was! fuck, I thought we had no secrets."

"we don't!" matthew sighs, "I didn't feel like it was important enough to mention."

"not important enough to mention?" you repeat, brows raised in suprise. "did you forget that we are having sex, matthew? god, I let you fuck me without a condom when you've been sleeping with someone else! the first thing you should've done was tell me."

"I didn't want it to get blown up like how it is right now," he seethes, "honestly, this is why I didn't tell you."

you scoff, "don't make this my fault!" you tell him roughly. "I don't care that you hooked up with somebody matthew! it's the fact you never told me - even before we had sex without protection. I told you there was nobody else and you said the same," you sigh gently, "janie said it first, last week she said we should of had an exclusivity talk a long time ago-"

matthew squints, "you told janie about us? what the fuck."

"you lied to me matthew!" you repeat loudly.

his expression falls, and he sighs gently, blue eyes meeting the sidewalk under his shoes.

a beat passes between you.

"you're making me feel guiltier than I already feel," he tells you harshly.

you laugh harshly again, "good! god matthew, I can't fucking believe this right now! bringing me here and introducing me to your teammates. the touches and kisses and looks you've been giving me! what you said in the cab! I thought...." you pause, bringing your lip into your mouth.

matthew's eyes soften, "you thought what?" he asks you gently. when you don't answer right away, he takes a step towards you, hand outstretched like he will reach out and touch you.

you shake your head, laughing dryly as another set of tears spring into action, dampening your cheeks. you take a step away from him, ignoring the frown tugging at his lips and the emotions in his eyes. "I thought nothing, matthew." you turn away, continuing to walk down the street.

"no," matthew says, catching up and grabbing your arm, spinning you back around and keeping you in place, "don't walk away, y/n. we need to talk."

you sigh sadly, eyes closing as you desperately try and keep your tears from falling further. "what are we doing, matthew?"

he frowns deeper at your question, his brows drawing together as he looks down at your heartbroken expression. matthew doesn't know what to say, eyes darting between the two of yours in search of some sort of indication- an answer.

"I can't keep doing this. I can't keep lying to myself that I don't want more with you, because it's fucking me up so badly." you admit quietly, salty tears falling down your cheeks and wetting your mouth. you weren't expecting to say that to him - especially tonight. but you were so tired and distraught, your body was tired of fighting for his sake.

slowly, matthew's expression changed, mouth slightly parted as he breaths deeply. "what did you say?

"nothing," you sigh again, "clearly this arrangement we have doesn't work for us anymore. go back inside with hayley, don't let me stop you anymore."

finally, you walk away from matthew. he calls your name once more, but you don't dare turn to look, keeping your eyes on your phone as you order an uber - leaving your best friend and your heart on the streets of toronto.

Epilogue:

you booked a flight home the next morning. you had to use your entire credit card balance, which you would ultimately suffer for, but you couldn't bring yourself to care.

you cried to entire flight home, starring out the small window quitley as music blasted through your headphones - thinking about your fight with matthew over and over again until you landed back in arizona.

as soon as you got the wifi at the airport, you called janie, crying into your phone as you asked her for a ride home. she picked you up, and immediately you told her what happened with matthew - hiccupping through salty tears and laboured breaths.

you were so devastated.

locking yourself in your bedroom as soon as janie dropped you home, not even making an appearance for dinner. you silenced your phone and cried yourself to exhaustion.

you cringe in the early morning sun, tucked solemnly between your fuzzy blankets - cringing further at how stupid you must look thinking that your best friends love wasn't unrequited anymore - that matthew loved you back.

the thought of seeing matthew again seemed taxing - you couldn't see him. not only had you borderline confessed your feelings for him in the middle of the fight, but your heart got shattered in the process.

the look on his face when you said it - makes your stomach churn at the mere thought.

not only was there that heartbreak to process, there was also the whole thing of matthew having a girl in toronto - one that was well enough associated with him for somebody to feel the need to invite her out to the club.

he had slept with her, and then didn't tell you - he kept it all a secret, and when you asked about it, he lied to your face. matthew fucked you without protection knowing that - and he let you believe there was something more growing between you.

sniffing, you sit up in your bed, falling back against the padded headboard with defeat. your gold plated clock sitting above your desk reads 8:37, a reminder of just how early you'd naturally woken up - tear stained cheeks and headache included.

a knock sounds at your door quietly, pulling you from your pity party and a confused frown begins to tugs at your lips. your parents should be at work already, and janie hadn't mentioned coming over. perhaps your mom was home today, or janie was coming to keep you company - you wouldn't of got the message because your phone was still very much silenced.

"y/n?" the voice is muffled through the door, but you'd recognize the sound of his anywhere. after all, you've been replaying anything he's every said to you over in your mind since freshman year.

"y/n? are you awake?" matthew questions again.

you shoot up out of bed, bare feet padding to the closed door. matthew hears the springs of the mattress through the door as you move and the sound of you shuffling towards him.

you don't say anything but matthew had the conformation you're there and awake - all the conformation he needed that you were alive. you hadn't responded to any of his calls or texts - he's pretty sure he even emailed you, desperate to get you to talk to him.

so like any logical person would, matthew hopped on the next flight to arizona, suitcase still in his car while he knocks on your bedroom door.

"can you please open the door? I need to talk to you." he pleads gently.

your voice is shaky, tears of embarrassment and pain threatening to spill. "about what?"

matthew breaths a sigh of relief at the sound of your voice - although you don't sound like you usually do. you sound sad and tired...and that breaks his heart. he sighs again, and firmly asks again, "open the door."

you find your self hesitating for a moment, hand hovering over the bronze knob as you think about what's to come. maybe matthew wants an apology - your hasty exit from the club and making a scene in the streets was embarrassing for him. or maybe he's here to let you down, tell you that you can still be friends, but he doesn't have feelings - or worse, he can't be friends with you anymore.

the unknown is eating you alive, and with a deep breath, you turn the door handle, pulling open the door that separates you from him.

his face changes into something similar to relief at the sight of you, and you look down to the floor, knawing on your lip as you try to stay calm.

"what are doing here?" you ask. you look back towards his kind face, your brows pulled tight as you take him in.

he doesn't seem angry or upset. if anything he looks nervous...anxious even. you wonder if there's a reason for that, after all, he has cut his own trip short and come home to arizona for this conversation.

"did you mean it?" matthew ignores your question, taking a step closer to you. "what you said?"

he has to be talking about your brief confession outside the nightclub during the fight, you think, and you stomach drops. you knaw your bottom lip, further shredding the soft skin you'd been tugging on all night. you nod your head once, so quick you're not sure if matthew even saw.

but he did see it, and he breaths what seems like a sigh of relief, a very faint grin beginning to make its way onto his face. matthew clears his throat, "I did a shitty thing," he starts quietly, his adam's apple with a nervous swallow, "I lied to you because I was embarrassed. I lied because we're not just friends and we haven't been for a long time."

you mouth drops, heavy breaths falling past your lips. before you can even fathom your response, he continues. "I should've told you about that girl, even if I didn't want to. I only hooked up with hayley because I was trying to forget about my feelings for you. I know we're best friends, but I want to be more. so if you really meant what you said the other night, say it again. let me hear you say it again." he takes a deep breath, and an airy chuckle leaves his lips, "and I know this is a lot before 9 in the morning, but I need to hear you say it."

you swallow, saliva thick with nerves. pushing your messy hair off your face, hands desperately trying to keep busy. you don't know what to think. "is this a joke? are you only saying this to make me feel better?"

his brows draw together and he frowns - fingers itching to reach out and touch you. "I would never joke about what I feel for you."

matthew knies confessed he has feelings for you. everything you've ever wanted, everything you've longed for is about to happen - is happening.

"matty," you breath, "I love you and i've loved you for years...and I know that's more than what I said the other night and I hope it's not too much for you, but-"

he kisses you.

matthew holds you close as he leans down to capture your lips with his own, bottom and top enclosing around yours as he kisses like he always does: perfectly.

a moment later, your lips part and breathlessly, he pulls away, forehead resting against yours as you two catch your laboured breath.

"how long?"

"what?" you question quietly.

"how long have you loved me?" he whispers softly.

"since highschool," you admit.

"god," matthew whispers wondrously with a small smile, "I wish we had this conversation sooner....because i've loved you since freshman year. that's why I never had a girlfriend and that's why I proposed the idea of loosing our virginities to one another. I wanted to loose my virginity to you - and only you since the moment we met."

"you've liked me since highschool?" you ask dumbfounded, your pointer finger gesturing between you. "we were both really oblivious, huh?"

"I thought I was being obvious," matthew admits with a laugh, thumb rubbing along your cheekbone.

you shrug, hand coming up to hold his wrist tightly - keeping him close. "well, I think I was the only one being oblivious- janie knew you had a crush on me."

"damn," he smiles, "janie is smarter than I thought."

you giggle just as matthew leans back in, kissing you with as much force he can manage - and this time, you're sure of it - it was love.

───────── ౨ৎ ─────────

#but im still not over the Hayley thing #like wtf was that #like I get they weren’t exclusive and I’m not mad that it happened #I’m still mad that he lied about it #like that so irresponsible with the whole sex thing too #I’d still be upset about him lying to me about it AND not telling me about it #even if he did confess his feelings idk if I’d let that go that easily #he’d be in deep shit either way bc that’s mad fucked up

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