#even if he did confess his feelings idk if I’d let that go that easily

[pookiescurls]

LOVE this

Guess They Call It Fallin’ | Matthew Knies

summary: you and matthew promised yourselves once you took each others virginity's, nothing would change between you. but fast forward 3 years - between casual hook ups and spending all your time with one another: you can't help but fall deeper and deeper in love with your best friend.

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warnings: NSFW! slow burn | friends with benefits | friends to lovers | loss of virginity (reader + matthew | secret relationship | angst | fluff | suggestive themes | alcohol | smut | kissing | grinding | fingering | unprotected! p in v intercourse | read at your own discretion.

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Prologue: 3 years ago

since your shared freshman year of highschool, you knew you'd follow matthew knies anywhere.

when you moved to arizona the summer before the september school year, you had never dreaded anything more than the first day of highschool. all that fear and dread faded when you sat down in your home room beside matthew.

you're not sure how it even happened, but soon enough you and matthew became best friends. maybe it was because he reminded you of your old friends from public school - or maybe it was the way matthew treated you so kindly that very first day. you two were always seen with one another - in school halls and out of them.

it didn't take long for you to realize you had feelings for your best friend. I mean, he was nothing short of perfect. your little teenage hormones couldn't help but notice how handsome he was and how good he smelled - his growing biceps and how he seemed to get taller every summer: it was impossible to not fall for him.

you were always good at hiding your feelings. in fear of loosing your closest friend, you didn't even give hints away that you craved something more with matthew. you would take your friendship and hidden crush over loosing him completely- always.

but then something changed.

it was your senior year of highschool. college and university acceptance letters were flying through the doors, celebratory parties and drinking away the weekends were constant reminders of the upcoming graduation. like you've always known, you would follow your best friend everywhere - and that included post secondary school. when matthew got accepted to play for the university of minnesota's hockey team, you worked your butt off to get the grades the university was looking for. all that extra studying, and staying up late for practice payed off: you were accepted to the university of minnesota.

with only a week left before graduation, you and matthew found yourselves at some mutual friends house party. although most people were swimming or laughing by the bonfire, you found yourselves off to the side - enjoying the presence of one another as you lounged on sun beds and stared up at the stars.

the air was warm, and the alcohol in your system was keeping your blood running hot. you were still coherent and conscious - not having drank that much. matthew was the same, with flushed cheeks and a dopey smile, but not slurring or tired. you were both just...free and happy.

"hey," he said at your side, your attention drawn away from the night sky and over to him. he was so handsome, even more so with a cheesy smile and dim outside lighting. you swallow thickly and quirk a brow in his direction. matthew continues, "I just thought of something kind of crazy."

you turn you head so you can look at him comfortably, "oh no."

he laughs, "no nothing like, that crazy." suddenly, he springs up, now sitting with his knees facing you. "come here."

your brows shoot up, but you listen, hesitantly following suit and mimicking your best friends position. your knees brush against his much larger ones, the hairs tickling your bare skin - goose bumps rising over your tan legs. then, he slots his thighs between yours, and you get goosebumps for a whole other reason.

matthew leans in close, almost looking as if he was going to kiss you. you don't move an inch, just watching as he gets closer and closer to your parted lips. just when you go to close your eyes, his breath fans against your warm face.

"you know how we talked about uni - and how it's different there. how the hookup scene is wilder and how easy it will be there to loose our virginities?"

oh.

you recover from the thought that you were about to finally be kissed and furrow your brows. "yeah, what about that?"

"I was thinking - and you don't have to say yes or agree, but..." he pauses and analyzes your face quickly. you urge him to continue with a nudge against his thigh. "by the time we are both 18 and if we are still virgins - we should just have sex...together."

you're glad it's dark outside because your face and neck flush beat red. "matty..."

he sighs, and bows his head slightly. "It's crazy, I know. I just thought who better than each other, right? it's stupid, I shouldn't of said anything-"

maybe it was the alcohol or maybe it was because you were hopelessly addicted to making matthew happy but you grab his face between your small palms, urging him to look into your eyes. "it's not stupid." you swallow gently, "and it's definitely not crazy."

matthews tongue darts out to wet his bottom lip and you feel yourself lighten. you let go of his face before you have the urge to pull him in for a kiss.

"I think we should do it."

his eyes brighten ever so slightly, "really?"

you nod, "yeah! I mean if we both turn 18 and it hasn't happened - we should just do it. that way, we will enter our 'adulthood' with a notch on each of our belts."

he smiles ever so slightly, "yeah exactly." then he sticks his thick pinky out towards you, "let's pinky promise this, y/n/n. we won't be 18 year old virgins if all else fails."

and your finger wraps around his, solidifying your agreement.

—

college was fun. you think being away from home was easy because you had matthew with you - and he was all you needed to feel at home. although you both attended parties and made new friends - it didn't happen. you were both still virgins. matthew had an excuse though - he was so busy with hockey. between training, practices and games - he barley had time to see you, never mind some other girl.

and you, well, deep down you knew you weren't seeking anybody out because you couldn't think of anybody better than matthew to take your virginity. you're sure it was just your feelings for him talking, but you didn't care.

on october 17th, matthew turned 18. you and your small group of friends went out to some campus party and at the end of the night, matthew informed you he was still a virgin. although you knew that, it was still a relief to hear. in some twisted fantasy, you can help but hope maybe matthew was purposefully avoiding girls for you.

one month and a few days later, it was the eve of your 18th birthday. it was an odd day, because instead of going out like you did for matthew's 18th birthday, you stayed in with him, watching movies and having chocolate cupcakes- just the two of you. almost like you both knew - both ready to ignite the flames of your drunken agreement many months ago, and give one another your most intimate experience.

it started before midnight even hit - you wonder if matthew was sick of waiting around with his virginity. it was a mess of lips and spit, followed by the tangle of limbs and interlocking fingers on your dorm mattress. you had to ignore how perfect kissing matthew felt - how right it all felt.

slowly, clothes disappeared and kisses travelled - excitement grew. although this was supposed to be a nerve wracking experience- there was no signs of that between either of you. only gentle smiles and longing glances.

and when you were both finally naked, matthew clumsily wrapped up with a condom and you spread to accommodate his body between your legs. he paused the kiss, slowly pulling away to see your face.

matthew smiled, pushing the hairs back and away from your flushed face. he held your cheek tenderly, and you mimick his grin. "let's not let this change anything, okay? because I can't loose you." he whispers, thumb stroking the shell of your hot ear.

you nod, "I can't loose you either." one of your hands slide down his strong shoulder and grip onto his bicep, giving him a reassuring squeeze. "it's just us, matty. nothing will ever change."

and with that, matthew slowly pushed himself into you.

the following morning, you were awoken by the quiet shuffling in your room. slowly, you crack one eye open to see matthew, now dressed and smiling gently at you.

"hey," you mumble.

"morning," he hums, "I was just about to wake you up. I'm going to practice."

"okay," you say groggily, tucking yourself deeper into your pillow and away from the daylight streaming through your small window.

he laughs at your usual sleepy routine, very much used to your morning tiredness and uninterested state. turning, he grabs his phone from were he disregarded it the night prior. "i'll text you later, okay," he says, moving back to your slumped figure - running a hand over your mess of hair.

"m'kay," you mutter into your pillow.

then he leaves.

the door clicks shut, and your eyes shoot open- memories of the night before rushing back into your brain faster than you can comprehend them. you and your best friend had sex - and it wasn't akward or painful or anything remotely close.

it was perfect. soft touches, and sweet glances and everything you had ever wanted when experiencing sex for the first time. girls in highschool had talked about there experience- how awkward it was and uncomfortable they felt. with matthew, it was out of a fairytale.

your momentary wave of panick washes away, and you smile. your hand reaching up to gently trace over your lips, thinking of matthew's soft ones slotting against them only hours before.

this was the best case scenario- and you were living it. truthfully, you were expecting it to be this easy with matthew, solely because it was him.

what you weren't expecting though, was every so often when you were both a little tipsy and needy - you'd find yourselves back in bed, sharing kisses and exchanging orgasms.

but nothing ever changed between you. it was still just you and matthew, continuing to be best friends like you haven't had the most intimate parts of one another. you weren't dating, or acting any different outside of the bedroom. just the occasional longing glance, or brushing hands, or trying your hardest to resist kissing, it was fine...really.

Part One: May 2023

you roll up to the balls of your feet and then fall back to your heels. the attempt to see over the bustling airport crowd was unsuccessful, and you sigh gently.

you knaw on your bottom lip and again try and peer over the sea of heads moving throughout the building, trying to catch a glimpse of your tall friend.

matthew had been living in toronto for a couple months while he made is nhl debut with the toronto maple leafs. although the season ended quicker than anticipated, you were still extremely proud of your friend.

with your exam schedule, you couldn't make any of the games like you had hoped. you would've spent your life savings on a plane ticket and glass seats if it meant seeing matthew play in the major league - but school had other plans for you. although, that didn't stop you from calling him or texting him after every game, both of you talking about every single thing you've missed.

in the second last game of the leafs playoff season, matthew got a concussion - a pretty bad one at that. matthew had been pretty upset, and even looked sniffly on facetime (you gave him shit for being on his phone when he wasn't supposed to, but he didn't care: he just wanted you). once he was cleared to fly back home, he called you immediately to ask if you could pick him up from the airport - obviously, you agreed.

so there you stood, in the middle of the airport as families and business men alike all passed by, distracted as they tried to make flights and get to security. it's almost 30 minutes past the time matthew had told you he'd landed. you try not to worry too much - he'd probably just gotten held up at baggage claim or needed the bathroom before he made his way to you.

just as you pull out your phone to call him, a strong arm wraps around your shoulders from behind, pulling your body into their broad chest.

you don't panick, because you know it's matthew immediately. you can smell the ralph lauren cologne he's been wearing since freshman year, and you recognize the soft material of his t-shirt - the t-shirt you've not only pressed your face into in search of hugs but also have stolen on a few occasions.

"you're not even looking for me, what the hell." matthew says against the shell of your ear. his tone of voice is clearly teasing, trying to get a rise out of you.

you spin in his grasp, your air forces squeaking against the tiled floor of the scottsdale airport. he doesn't release your shoulders, keeping you against his front. automatically, you wrap your arms around his thick waist. "it's not my fault you took an hour to get through the airport - I got bored and gave up."

he scoffs playfully, tugging the end of you ponytail, "rude."

you smirk teasingly, "you're right, that's no way to talk to an nhl superstar."

matthew blushes at your words, and his smile brightens right before your very eyes. the sight of his overwhelming happiness has your stanch swooping, butterflies banging against your sides as they fly about.

"i'm no superstar, y/n/n." he whispers, face tilted downwards so he can keep eye contact.

you shrug against him, "I disagree."

you watch as his tongue passes through his lips, swiping along his bottom lip to wet the already plump and pink skin. in that moment, as matthew stares back at you, you think he may lean in for a kiss and you feel your heart hammer with joy.

instead, you see matthew's other hand jolt up, gripping a bouquet of flowers and waving them ever so gently in your peripheral vision. you look over to the blooming display, brows raised.

"got these for you," he muses.

you smile, "why are you getting me things! you're the one who deserves the good things."

his eyes flicker with something you can't quite understand, and his adam's apple bobs as he swallows. "i've got my good thing right here with me." his words have you freezing ever so slightly, but you don't have time to think of any underlying meaning, because matthew continues, "it's a thank you for coming to pick me up."

you take the flowers, sniffing one of the deep pink tulips, your senses filled with the sweet floral smell you loved so much. "well, then, you're welcome." you tease, dropping the bouquet down from your nose. "that reminds me," you smile, your free hand digging around your jeans back pocket until you locate a chocolate bar. the kitkat is a little mushy from the heat of your body, and the wrapper is a bit crinkled, but you jut it in matthew's direction anyway. "your favourite!"

matthew smiles, taking the chocolate from your hand and inspecting the wrapper. then, he glances back at you with a teasing look. "you know, athletes aren't supposed to eat stuff like this."

"so you don't want it?" you question, a raise to one of your perfectly styled brows.

"oh no, i'm eating it." matthew laughs gently, immediately ripping the red wrapper off the chocolate and taking a messy bite. chocolate smears on his top lip and you laugh.

"you got a little something right there," you whisper gently, finger ghosting over his cupids bow as you gesture to the smeared sweet goodness.

his hand is now wrapped around your waist, holding you to him. matthews brows raise ever so slightly, a grin slowly appearing on his mouth. "yeah?" you nod. "you gunna get it for me?"

you want to kiss him so bad...does he want you to kiss him?

but instead you scrunch your nose playfully, wiping your thumb over his mouth until any traces of smeared chocolate are gone. you don't see the way matthew's eyes change slightly, watching as you use your hands to get rid of the mess.

"ready to go, matty?"

he nods softly, "let's go."

the ride back home is filled with laughter and smiles. matthew is so happy to talk about his experience playing in the nhl - even though you've talked about it before. seeing him speak about the opportunity face to face was something you'd never forget.

you tell him about how emma from your shared history class bombed her final presentation, and that had matthew laughing as you explained the whole thing animatedly. you talk about plans for the summer and finally seeing your friends from highschool after a year away in minnesota.

a kelsea ballerini song slowly fades as you pull up against the curb of matthew's childhood home. a home that you spent your entire highschool life in - studying and laughing and watching movies and just enjoying each others presence. the thought of all those memories have you grinning as you park the car - unlocking the doors once you've stopped.

matthew unbuckles his seat belt. he doesn't hear you move, or the click of your seat belt buckle and looks over at you, a small v shape forming between his drawn brows. "are you not coming in?"

"I don't want to interrupt, matty. they haven't seen you in a little bit."

he shakes his head, "my mom already asked for you to join - and I told her you'd come in, so..."

you sigh and he watches you give him a knowing look - one that isn't buying his bullshit: he knows it all too well. matthew sends a sheepish smile your way and briefly shrugs his shoulders. "at least help me with my bags. what kind of friend would you be if you didn't help me with them," he teases.

the kind of friend you kiss and hold and fuck, you think.

regardless, you unbuckle your seatbelt with a faux annoyed look. matthew's smile grows into one of successes, and you purposefully avoid his now cheeky expression. "yeah, yeah, let's go."

matthew lied about his mom inviting you over - which you knew he did (because you can read your best friend like a book), but she was excited to see you regardless. as soon as his mom jumped in suprise and expressed her joy at your presence- you sent matthew a deathly glare for his lie. he could only smirk playfully in response to your obvious annoyed reaction.

in her typical fashion, matthew's mom coddled both of you and fed you dinner just like she used to do when the two of you were still kids in highschool.

unlike you, matthew's parents made it to a couple of his nhl games. even though they've seen him since he left for minnesota, they haven't talked about school since christmas - when they were down in toronto, the topic of conversation was obviously matthew's nhl debut.

so you weren't suprised when his mom, between chews of her cheesy pasta, started peppering her son with all sorts of questions.

"did you make friends with anyone new since we last talked?"

"how was your roommate and the dishes situation?"

"did you ever figure out your biology assignment? or was it chemistry?"

"any girlfriends while you were in toronto?"

"mum," matthew laughs awkwardly, his fork hitting the plate with a clinck, "your foods going to get cold if you keep asking all these questions."

his brother snickers into his pepsi filled glass. you and him share a brief look once their mum kicks matthew under the table because of his remark - regardless, she was laughing along with the table. "you're right, i'm sorry - just curious."

matthew doesn't answer the last question, which has you feeling nervous. you watch as he drags his bread through a section of sauce, soaking the garlic flavoured dough. he meets your curious eyes - deep in thought - as he takes a bite. you smile politely in his direction, eyes darting away. if he sees your worried expression, he doesn't say anything, looking away once you do.

you shove some pasta in your mouth and try not to overthink - which was always impossible when it came to your brain and matthew.

"what about you, y/n?" his dad asks from the head of the table, dropping his piece of garlic toast on the side of his ceramic plate. "any boyfriend?"

you choke slightly on a spaghetti noodle, taking a few gulps of water to calm your coughing and burning face. "sorry. no," you hum once you've collected yourself, "nothing like that."

in your peripheral vision, you see matthew turn to look at you again. you glance at him quickly, and he gives you a knowing look, shoving a large bite of food into his mouth in an attempt to cover his smirk.

you dart your gaze away quickly - your face burning for an entirely different reason.

"really?!" his mum muses, oblivious to the glances exchanged between you and her son, "I gotta say you two, all these years away at school and neither of you in relationships - I'd say you spend too much time together."

you blush, clearing your throat. your eyes meet your plate of food as you begin to slide your fork through the last bites of sauce and meat.

"that's definitely it," matthew hums, not meeting your eyes in favour of finishing off his plate. underneath the table, his knee bumps yours once, and you're not sure if he meant to do it, but you fight a smile regardless - gently bumping his back.

only an hour after finishing dinner and cleaning up the mess of pots and plates - matthew was begging you to come to the beach with him for sunset before heading back home. you let him him beg and convince you, even though you were set on going as soon as the words left his mouth.

the sand is warm on your feet as you dig them into the granules - sand dusting up to your ankles and coating your braided anklet. the sunset is reflecting on your face, providing a warm glow not only on you, but on the entire beach. you close your eyes and take a long inhale, basking in the feeling.

matthew drops down beside you, his added weight pulling on the blanket you'd set down. he leans back on to his hands and stretches his legs out - his feet sliding through the sand and sending tiny particles onto the blanket.

you huff, immediately trying to dust it all off. it makes your best friend laugh quietly beside you.

"I missed you," matthew whispers a few minutes after you cleared the blanket. "so much."

you look over at him, meeting his blue gaze. he looks so beautiful with the hues of orange and fuscha reflecting around him. clean shaven, and t-shirt stretching around his muscles ever so nicely. "i missed you," you say back.

matthew's forearm brushes against yours and his palm is so close to yours in the sand that if you just reached out, you'd be able to wrap your pinky over his. you're unsure if he means to brush your limbs together, and you think about pulling away, but then his muscles flex against you, and you feel him press his arm against yours firmly - conforming he wants you there.

that action has you thinking back a few hours ago at the dinner table - matthew's knee touching yours under the table privately. but thinking about that part of the dinner, also has you thinking about how matthew never gave an answer about having a girlfriend while he was away.

even thinking about that has your stomach dropping like you'd just dropped on a roller coaster. before you can stop yourself, you get his attention gently, "matty?"

he hums, his eyes trained on the setting sun across the water.

"is there a girl in toronto?"

you're pretty sure his arm goes rigid on yours. you've dropped on the roller coaster again, feeling your organs fall all the way to your feet. matthew sighs gently, "y/n.."

when you and matthew started casually hooking up, you both decided to not only stay best friends, but you also chose to not be exclusive. the point of loosing your virginities to one another was to get over that awkward milestone with a future partner. therefore, once you were both free of that title, you could go out into the dating scene and feel free - and have sex with whoever.

so of course there was a chance matthew was hooking up with somebody in toronto - you'd be happy if he did, truly. as his best friend, you want him to be happy. as his unrequited lover, you couldn't bare the thought. because although matthew may be not be exclusive, you have always been (unbeknownst to him).

without wanting to sound bothered or upset, you laugh breathlessly. "it doesn't matter if you do, matty. we're friends, right? no secrets ever." - a promise you and him had always cherished was never ever having secrets - excluding your painfully excruciating crush on him (obviously).

"no, I know," matthew nods with an expression you can't quite decipher. it's something between soft and maybe guilty - possibly innocent or nothing even close. he sighs again, "there's no girl...and no secrets."

you suck your bottom lip into your mouth, suppressing the grin as it slowly made its way onto your face.

"well," matthew says lightheartedly. he pushes off his hands, dusting the sand off his palms once he sits up. his back muscles have you too distracted to notice all the sand covering your blanket. once positioned, matthew looks back at you over his shoulder, "there is one girl."

if it wasn't for his playful tone and the smirk he was sending in your direction, you'd think he was being serious. you push off your hands as well and wrap them around his bulged bicep. "oh yeah? who's that?" you ask gently, leaning into his warm body.

"you," he whispers, hooked nose brushing against yours delicately - if you didn't know this was the way you and matthew acted, you'd be tricked into thinking he had feelings for you.

you scrunch your nose against his, pulling back just enough to meet his eyes. "you just want to get laid."

matthew's lips look like they may turn into a downwards pull, and you already feel the panick bubbling at your chest - what had you said wrong?

but he clears his throat, mouth turning into a soft smirk. "maybe..."

you force another laugh, "good," you lie, "me too."

and in your and matthew's lonesome on the sandy beach, he slowly leans back into your space, finally pressing a kiss against your lips.

your grip on his arm tightens when his tongue slips between your parted lips, allowing him access to deepn the kiss - tongues massaging one another as they skillfully move.

when matthew pulls away a few minutes later, he's breathing heavily, an all too familiar haze in his eyes and smile on his swollen pink lips.  "let's get in your car."

you nod, "m'kay."

the last bit of the evening sun is falling on you both and illuminating the water. matthew's helps you up, grabbing the blanket and making sure to dust all the sand off before throwing it in your backseat.

when he pulls you against his chest in the privacy of your car and continues your hot kiss, you think you just so happen to be falling deeper in love with your best friend.

Part Two:

the alchemy was the towns best hangout spot. not only was there a bar and dance floor, but they had amazing food and an even better atmosphere. at the end of every week, they'd often have local bands come in to play their set - friday was always the night to go.

this friday was no exception. there was a lineup outside the building, and every few minutes it would get shorter as the bouncers checked ID's and sent people in. you, as well as some other friends in your group, weren't of age yet, so you were already preparing for the purple X they'd draw on your hand to stain your skin and indicate your age.

your good friend janie is fixing her lip gloss in her small compact mirror as she faces you. janie was somebody who valued her appearance very much - but she was so beautiful, she barley had to do anything to maintain it. you watch as her boyfriend, daniel, talks her ear off about something he had seen at the mall earlier, face animated as he flails his hands.

the line moves again and behind you, matthew pushes you along gently - presses into your backside with his hips as you inch forward. he's not even looking at you when he does it, too busy conversing with another friend of yours, logan.

matthew's hand is warm on your exposed hip, his thumb gently resting against the waist band of your jean shorts - slowly stroking the edge, thumb occasionally dipping under the material. you sigh pleasantly, head falling back to rest against his peck.

a moment later, matthew looks down at you, a smile making its way onto his face. you notice logan has turned his attention to another person in your small group of friends - leaving all your friends distracted.

you loved and appreciated your small group of friends from high school, and always cherished your time together as well as your closeness. but there is one thing you and matthew never disclosed: your complicated relationship. at the beginning, you weren't sure there was a term for you and matthew's situation, but now you know it's friends with benefits. you'd never even admitted that to yourself, never mind telling all your friends. in fantasy land, matthew was your boyfriend and he loved you back - he pulls you in for kisses in front of his family and your friends, and he tells his family he has a girl: you.

"what's going on with you?" matthew's whispered words have you pulled from your own thoughts, his hips still against you - shuffling you further up line. "you look deep in thought - that's never good." he teases.

you scoff, smacking his chest with the back of your hand playfully. your actions have matthew laughing deeply, chest rumbling against your shoulders - which makes you smile. "not much," you hum.

discreetly, you check and make sure nobody is in earshot and eavesdropping on you and your best friend - you notice they're distracted. you lean your head up so you can be closer to his ear and whisper, "just that you look kinda hot in that hat."

matthew is wearing a western style cowboy hat atop his head, paired with jeans and a white tshirt. it's rodeo theme at the alchemy tonight, and matthew isn't the only one dressed for the occasion. your friend group and everyone else in line are dressed in their best western style. hats and boots are everywhere in sight, along with cow prints and pleather tassels.

"goes it make me look like a cowboy?" he questions with a suggestive raise to his eyebrows - a smirk tugging at his mouth.

you giggle slightly and nod once with conformation. "yes."

"good," he hums, "you gunna ride me?" his eyes dart down to your shirt, which so happens to say 'save a horse and ride a cowboy.' you bought it specifically for the occasion, obviously - paired with your favourite denim shorts and cowgirl boots. definitely not the most creative or unique outfit - but still on theme.

you blush, "depends...you gunna let me try that on?" with your question, you spin around to face matthew, reaching up to try and grab his hat from his head. matthew grabs your hand before you can reach the brim, halting your movement.

you pout, "matty..."

matthew huffs likes he's annoyed, but the very edges of his plump lips begin to tug upwards. without another word, he grabs the hat from the top, plopping it down on your head so that it covers your eyes, your straight hair falling over your face.

you laugh, pulling the hat off so you can attempt to adjust your hair back into place. matthew beats you to it, his warm hands pushing away all the strands from your vision with a fond gleam in his eyes. he doesn't pull away once he's done moving your hair and his hands slide down to hold the side of your face for a moment longer.

you wish that he'd kiss you then. but he doesn't, and you feel your face wanting to drop with disappointment.

trying to hide the sadness you feel, you put matthew's cowboy hat back on your head; properly this time so that no hair gets in the way.

your group makes it to the entrance of the alchemy, and country music is flowing through the open doors. the two bouncers check over all your id's and mark the appropriate people who are underage - matthew and you included.

once you enter, you immediately notice how the crowd was bustling - loud laughter, music and the tangy smell of beer throughout.

"yo, let's get that table!" daniel shouts over the noise of the crowd, pointing in the direction of an area near the back of the alchemy that seemed unoccupied.

while you walk through the busy place, matthew grabs ahold of your hand softly, guiding you behind him as you all make your way to the table. the feeling of his hand on yours in such a public setting feels overwhelming in the best way, and there's a part of you that hopes any girl who'd seen him walk in - now thinks he's in a relationship and any advances they'd thought of making are halted.

you and your friends order a round of drinks as soon as you sit down, and you send your friend april, as well as logan, up to the bar to collect everyone's desired beverages.

although you couldn't order the drinks, that didn't mean you couldn't sneak some. one or two vodka sodas combined with the shots you pregamed would have you feeling drunk in no time.

and that was true, because an hour later, you and janie were both very buzzed in the middle of the crowded dance floor - dancing to some megan moroney cover song.

"so," janie starts with a suggestive smirk, "you and matthew looked pretty cozy earlier."

"what?" you squeak, "no, we're just -I don't know janie, you know how we are."

she eyes you suspiciously, "you two have so much sexual tension recently. you guys should like...fuck or something."

your eyes widen and you blush, slightly choking on your own attempt to cough. "absolutely not," you squeak, "I mean - that would just...ruin things."

she laughs slightly and shrugs her exposed tan shoulders in your direction, "just a suggestion. I mean, he probably wants to do it anyways."

you knaw on your lip, forehead lines deepening as you take in your friends words. "why do you think that?" a momentary swirl of panic overtakes you, and you're worried yourself and matthew were being too obvious.

"y/n," she laughs, her hips swaying to the country tune lightly, "guys don't act like that for no reason! I mean, the way he looks at you..."

you swallow quickly. briefly, your eyes meet your shoes and you resist the urge to sigh sadly. "we're just best friends, jaine, believe me."

you wish you were more, your drunk brain reminds you.

you look away from the floor to find janie, but she's isn't looking at you, but rather her eyes are trained over your shoulder. then, she smirks slightly at you, "looks like he's coming over here."

just like a 6th grade girl with a crush, you freeze. blushing all the way down to your chest and eyes widening. trying to remain nonchalant, you shrug and take a sip of your drink.

"i'm gunna go." your brunette friend says, "before you two get all...sensual." janie sends you one last teasing look over her shoulder as she walks away - leaving you waiting anxiously for matthew's touch.

a moment later, you feel matthew press against you, wrapping his arms around your shoulders in a brief hug - merely missing your drink as he does so. immediately with his touch, all earlier anxious and physical jitters vanish and you relax into matthew's familiar grip.

"missed you over there," he mutters into your ear. "our table was boring without you." matthew's nose nudges against the shell of your ear and then he leans farther down your body - pressing a hot kiss right between the skin of your shoulder and the base of your neck.

you swoon. his touch combined with the warm breath tickling against your skin, as well as the feeling of his lips pressing against you, causes something similar to a moan to leave your lips quietly.

the alcohol in your system has completely stolen your filter, and you can only pray that your friends can't see the way matthew had just approached you - or how you reacted to his touch.

at your breathy exhale, matthew spins your body around so that you are standing pressed chest to chest. he smirks when he catches sight of your happy flushed face and drunken hazy eyes. "you look so hot dancing." he says lowly.

you reach up and delicately brush a fallen eyelash off his cheek. "is that so?" you question, purposely pressing your boobs harder into his chest.

"definitely so," he agrees.

behind you, the band starts a new song, something with less tempo that your buzzed brain doesn't recognize immediately.

it looks like matthew does recognize the tune though, and he sends you a smirk. "dance with me?" he questions cheekily, reaching down to grab his cowboy hat you were still wearing, placing it back on his own head.

you don't care enough to protest, partially because he looks too good in it for you to complain. you raise your cup in his direction, "i've got this still."

just as you finish your scentence, matthew grabs your drink, raising it to his mouth and chugging the last of its contents. you gawk, watching as he wipes his mouth and places your now empty cup on a nearby table.

one of matthew's hands grab ahold of your waist, while the other takes your hand in his own - interlocking your fingers together. "now you can dance," he teases, swaying you both to the song.

"I hate you," you huff. your words have no real bite as you begin to smile.

"you can't hate me," matthew says matter of factly, "i'm your best friend."

you frown ever so slightly, jutting your chin up, "just your best friend?" you're buzz has you clearly teetering on drunk, and matthew can tell - not only from your question but your blissed expression.

he chooses not to answer your question but you don't seem to mind, too busy swaying to the song you loved so much.

"stand by me," you sing to him, "ooooh stand by me."

matthew laughs fondly, and you beam up at him. "you're a natural," he states teasingly.

"you sing the next part with me," you insist.

"it's not a duet."

"it is now," you state, "c'mon - just as long you stand, stand by me."

matthew joins in, "and darling, darling stand by me!" his tone is pitchy and he's singing loud enough to earn interested stares from the people in your vicinity.

it has you faltering, laughing into his warm chest. matthew stops singing as well, watching amused as you lean into him with nothing but happiness on your face. he releases your hand in favour to wrap that hand around your shoulders, keeping you pressed against him.

you wake with a deep groan, squinting at the harsh light on your face that was streaming through open curtains. with another groan, you pull the blanket up and over your face to hide yourself from your own hangover.

the smell of matthew's cologne and laundry detergent has you pausing, cracking open one eye to see the familiar navy sheets on matthew's childhood bed.

you toss the blanket away from your face, and turn to see him watching you gently from the other side of the bed - an ever knowing grin on his face at your hungover morning behaviour.

"shut up," you grumble, pushing up from your flat position to mimic him, sitting with your back flat against the headboard.

"didn't say anything," matthew muses.

"but you thought it," you huff. his laughter is enough for you to know your accusation was true, and you squint annoyed at him.

"I brought you this," he hands you a bottle of water and two aspirins, which you take immediately, sighing in relief at the water falling down your dry throat.

slowly, the night before comes back to you. memories of cowgirl boots, your friends downing drinks and dancing all night flooding your brain. your groan once more, covering your face briefly when a wave of nausea comes over you. "ugh, I never want to here stand by me again."

matthew laughs loudly, body rolling over until he's pressed into your side.

you laugh gently with him, dropping your hands from your face so you can see. "seriously!"

"anytime I hear that song now i'm going to think of you," matthew insists. subconsciously, one of matthew's fingers trial over your forearm, gently tickling your skin as he looks up at you from his now slouched position.

although the thought of the song is currently making you feel sick, matthew's words have you feeling fuzzy - there was worse songs that could remind him of you, and stand by me was a really sweet one to he associated with.

because you don't say anything, matthew starts to sing, "stand by me, ohhhh!"

you shush him with a laugh, placing your hand over his mouth.

Part Three (A):

"5...4...3...2...1....and you're done," daniel cheers as you all watch jaine drop back down to her feet from her previous hand stand.

she smiles victorious, giving a bow in your direction. she stumbles slightly, the combination between her various drinks and uneven grassy ground throwing her off balance. she is still just as happy for completing her dare despite her shaky balance, skipping back towards the bonfire you all sat around and taking her seat between you and her boyfriend.

"I did the 20 second hand stand - those 3 years of gymnastics really payed off," she chimes, "take a sip, logan."

logan, the one who gave her the dare, tongues his cheek before he takes a large gulp of his seltzer. it goes down easily, and you watch his face in the glow from the bonfire - some of the liquid falling from the corner of his mouth, dripping until he wipes it away. "alright, janie, we don't have all day."

she doesn't answer to his teasing, eyes searching your small group of friends to find the next recipient of her question. "april," she starts, "truth or dare?"

april, another one of your highschool friends, laughs lightly, uncrossing her tan legs as she ponders. "truth," she settles on.

"when was the last time you had a dirty dream?" janie giggles like she already had the question locked and loaded in her brain - either that or she knows something about april that the rest of you don't. the thought has you giggling into your chest.

the guys in your group all tease her, a low chorus of 'ouuuu' echoing in logan's backyard.

she blushes at the question. "god, I can't answer that! I don't even think i've ever had one!" april squawks, covering her burning cheeks with her hands.

"you gotta finish your drink if you don't answer," dylan, another member of your circle of friends reminders her.

without another word, april chugs her entire can, finishing off the fruity drink in mere seconds. you all cheer her on as she finishes, trying to collect her breathing.

classic party games have always been a staple when your friends all got together. whether it was back when you were all still in highschool - akward and acne prone, or times like right now - when you were all home for the summer - you all played them. truth or dare was a common one, offering the best combination of fun activity and talking. plus, it was easy to incorporate a few drinks - which always spiced things up.

"y/n," april's sweet voice calls your attention, "truth or dare?" she asks, a mischievous grin beginning to tug at her lined lips.

on instinct, you want to say truth. truth is usually easier and sometimes less embarrassing than the dares that go around this group; you think back to highschool when logan had to streak through the neighborhood or when janie had to post an akward singing video for her followers to see. but with truths, secrets can go hand in hand - and you had a big secret - one that you aren't sure you can hide too much longer.

across from you, matthew meets your gaze. he's watching you with a teasing glimmer in his eyes, mouth hid behind his canned drink as he takes a nonchalant sip.

"dare," you decide, eyes darting back to april.

her smile widens, and if she wasn't so pretty you'd think she looked rather evil. you wouldn't be suprised if her hands came together wickedly and she begins to cackle. "I dare you...." april pauses dramatically, grin growing "...to kiss logan."

oh my god.

"what?" you ask, brows raised in a mixture of suprise and shock.

"c'mon!" daniel cheers, reaching over his girlfriend's body to push against your shoulder playfully.

"pucker up those lips," dylan teases.

you laugh awkwardly, tucking some of your hair away.

daniel interrupts, "-and no drinking out of dares!"

you'd honestly forgotten about that rule - one that you had made up a few years back when too many people were opting out of dares and the game had just become a chug fest.

you meet matthew's eyes again, expect this time he is looking at you with a weary expression. fair enough, you think, because why would he want his fuck buddy to make out with his friend right in front of him.

"if she really doesn't want to we shouldn't make her," he says firmly.

you heart flutters in your chest at the thought of matthew possibly feeling jealous, but then you remember what you and him are, and you deflate once more. he wasn't jealous, more likely feeling uncomfortable.

"rules are rules," janie sing songs, bumping into your side teasingly.

you don't want to draw to much attention or conger any questions from matthew's words being tied to your hesitation, so you stand up, walking confidently to the blonde boy across from you.

logan laughs, letting you invade his space.

"hands to yourself," you tell him, trying your best to sound playful and not worried or nervous.

"same goes for you," he quips back.

you ignore him, gently grabbing onto his shoulder as you lean down to meet his seated height, pressing your lips onto his. they slot together, and he gently sucks along your bottom lip.

logan's kiss is nowhere near as nice as any of the ones matthew has given you. his lips weren't as soft as matthew's, or as gentle. logan's only held notes of lust and eagerness - matthew's always took their time and moved skillfully.

then, logan grabs your face between both your hands, stopping your kiss so he can lick up the side of your cheek sloppily.

your friends laugh, and you push away with a smile, wiping away any silva with the back of your hand. "you're foul," you breath with quick laugh.

"gotta keep it interesting," logan teases, shifting in his seat so he can reach for another can of beer.

"I have to go clean my face," you say loudly, "i'll be in the bathroom." you make your way to the patio door, entering the quiet house, your friends laughter and continuation of the game slowly quieting as you slide the door closed behind you.

you flick on the bright bathroom light before shutting the door, leaving you alone in the small powder room near the front of the home. you quickly clean your face with a baby wipe, then washing off any residue with some soap and water.

thankfully in the summer months, you didn't wear much makeup, meaning you weren't really altering your appearance but rubbing suds into your face and rinsing with water.

you turn to leave, but out of something that feels like guilt, you walk back to the sink and scrub at your lips, essentially wiping off the traces of the kiss with your longtime friend.

for matthew, your brain reminds you with a tease.

you shake your head and blink away the thought, turning back to the door and pulling it open.

matthew stands there, hand reached out like he was about to open the bathroom door just before you. you meet his eyes gently, and he looks down at you with a darkened gaze, slightly breathless as he stand in front of you.

then, he backs you both into the powder room, shutting the door again so you're both standing in the small space. matthew strides towards you, grabbing onto your face and tilting your head back into the perfect position for him to press his lips against as yours.

you moan immediately, hands grabbing onto his waist over his shirt. you both smell like bonfire mixed with your respective alcoholic beverages, but it isn't off putting: only familiar - comfortable.

matthew nips at your bottom lip, and you gasp gently, which gives him the perfect opportunity to slide his tongue against yours. the feeling has you panting into his mouth, fingers gripping his shirt tighter.

he pulls back only briefly, "how long before they come looking?" his lips brush against yours as he asks, and you can barley focus on his question at the feeling.

"couple more minutes," you pant.

he doesn't say anything else in favour of pushing his mouth back into yours. it's sloppy, like he's racing against time -desperately trying to get as much of you as humanly possible.

matthew turns your body until you're pushed against the bathroom sink. the ceramic digs into your lower back, but you don't care enough to change that. you're too focused on the way matthew pushes his thick thigh between your legs, simultaneously moving your thighs apart as well as providing his leg as another form of stimulation.

he grunts against your lips as you rock against him, and one of his hands leaves you face and drops towards your lower back - slipping between you and the hard sink. he pulls you closer by your back, dragging your core farther up his thigh.

"we need to stop," matthew breaths, "because soon i'll have no choice but to fuck you on our friends sink."

you gulp, "is that so bad?"

"no," he licks his lip, "but they'll definitely catch us."

with that, you agree, and you both untangle yourselves from one another. you turn away to adjust your frazzled hair in the small mirror above the bathroom counter. unfortunately, you can't do much about your glossy eyes and flushed face, but both can be disguised as you just drinking too much.

you feel matthew press himself behind you, his bulge resting against your ass and you look away from your appearance to meet his eyes through the mirror. he's looking at you with an odd look, so you raise one of your brows in question. "you okay?"

he blinks three times, taking a deep breath. "yeah, just...lost in my thoughts for a moment there."

you frown, worries of only minutes ago of you kissing logan filling your head - he's come in here to claim his territory and assert dominance because you'd kissed logan. "are you mad at me?" you question gently, eyes still trained on his through the mirror.

matthew's brows pull together, and he grabs onto your hips, spinning you around to face him once more. "why would I be mad at you?"

you shrug sheepishly, and you hold onto your own arms apprehensively. "maybe because I kissed logan? right in front you. and I know that we are just fucking or whatever...but, you're mad because you feel, I don't know, disrespected."

immediately after you finish, matthew shakes his head. he pushes away any baby hairs around your face, keeping his hand resting on the side of your head. "absolutely not." you see something flash in his eyes before he continues, "i think i'm just jealous - actually I know that i'm jealous."

"jealous?" you whisper.

he nods again, "jealous because logan got to kiss you before I did tonight."

"oh," you fight back a smirk, and you drop you arms in favour of wrapping them around matthew's torso - he lets you pull him closer wordlessly. "if it's any constellation, out of the two kisses i've had tonight, yours is the only one I enjoyed."

he smirks, "I bet the licking had something to do with that."

you laugh, "something."

he pretends to ponder, "maybe I should up my tongue game some more."

you giggle loudly, and the sound has matthew breaking character to smile fondly down at you. then he interrupts your giggle with one more kiss.

in that moment, it feels like a relationship rather than just friendship with perks. the way matthew holds onto you, and smiles down at you - the way you smile back. merely moments ago you were ready to have sex in somebody else's house, purely because you couldn't help yourself - too in love and drunk to not. that intense, hot moment now turned soft and sweet, while matthew say's things that he knows will make you laugh. in that moment, you let yourself pretend.

you let yourself pretend matthew wasn't only jealous because his friend got the kiss question before him - he was jealous because the girl he loved had to kiss someone else.

how you long for that to be true.

nobody is suspicious when you and matthew make your way back outside and take your respective seats. nobody questions either of you - too busy watching daniel give dylan a lap dance.

over the flames of the fire, matthew catches your gaze. he tongues his cheek to try and hide the smirk he couldn't help.

Part Three (B): junior year of highschool

you often worried when it came to your best friend. not necessarily about him physically, but rather about what what he thinks and knows. not to say you didn't care about what physically happened to him, but the thought of him finding out your deepest hidden feelings for him was more worrying than a bruise or a headache - or so you thought.

when matthew texted you late at night that something had happened to him, you didn't hesitate to hop in your car and make the drive over to his families home.

you knew the code to his front door and let yourself in quietly - mindful of 11 p.m. approaching.

you toed off your slippers on the christmas themed door mat before making your way further into the gingerbread scented home. the sound of friends and the glow of the tv alerted you to somebody up in the family room, and you slowed in your steps as you approached.

phil, matthew's brother, looks in your direction. he doesn't seem suprised by your presence, so you think matthew must've mentioned that you'd be coming over. phil nods once over his shoulder before turning his attention back to the show. "he's upstairs."

"thanks," you say gently, making your way up the carpeted stairs to the second floor, and all the way to matthew's bedroom door.

you don't bother knocking, because you and him never did, and push open his wooden door. the room is only illuminated by his bedside lamp, casting a warm glow on his cream coloured walls and mousey brown furniture.

you catch matthew's eyes and a frown tugs at your lips. he looks tired, presumably from his hockey game earlier in the evening.

"hey," he says quietly. he pushes up from his slouched position and gets off his bed, making his way over to you.

you walk into the room and shut the door softly behind you. "hey," you say, "what's wrong?"

you catch a glimpse of matthew's frown and teary eyes before he wraps his arms around you - pulling your body into his chest for a tight embrace. instantly, you reciprocate the hug, your smaller arms wrapping around his upper back, rubbing soothingly along the ripples of muscles under his skin.

he takes a shaky deep inhale against you, and the feeling has your frown deepening. seeing your best friend so upset was gut wrenching enough, never mind when you also have an embarrassingly large crush on him. "please, talk to me, matty. what's going on?"

he takes one more big breath before he releases you. "i've had a shitty day. school dragged on and then mr. johnson failed me on that assignment from last week. then, during my game I took a weird hit and totally fucked my shoulder! not only that but after the hit I made a shit play and got benched. i'm just...tired." he finishes, his shoulders deflating.

you listen with a slight pout, your eyes intensely dancing over his flushed cheeks and deep coloured bags sitting below his eyes. "i'm sorry about your shitty day." you say.

"not your fault," matthew shrugs.

"what do you want me to do for you?" you ask gently. you think about reaching out again, maybe to run your hand over his arm reassuringly - or caress his face as you tried to ease him into a less overwhelmed state, but you decide against it.

"I just want you to be with me," he admits quietly, "can we just watch a movie or something?"

you nod instantly. you do touch him this time, but he is the one who initiates the contact - grabbing on to your hand gently to guide you over to his unmade bed. you're thankful it's not too light in his bedroom, because you blush at the feeling of his hand in yours.

matthew pulls back the already flailed blanket, allowing you to climb into the mess of bedding and get comfortable before he makes his entrance.

he sits back against his headboard as he scrolls through options on netflix. wordlessly, he chooses 13 going on 30, which you think is a bit odd - but you've always loved the jennifer garner rom-com, so you weren't complaining.

the start of the film begins to play quietly and matthew sinks down into the pillows. he rolls towards you and pushes himself into the side of your torso.

you instantly feel hot. you thank your past self for choosing sleep shorts to go with your long sleeve top, because you would've died from overheating if you choose sweatpants. he throws his arm across your belly, hand reaching up to rest against your rib cage - you hope he can't feel your heart beating too hard. matthew pushes his knee under your leg, effectively sliding between you and the mattress - your leg now resting on top his.

you stay still, too worried that if you move or speak you'll wake up from a dream - a dream in which that this was a normal activity for somebody and their best friend to do. it's not that you and matthew were never touchy, as he would often find your hand in large crowds so he didn't loose you, or hug you in greetings and partings - but very rarely did you cuddle.

"can you tickle my arm?" he mumbles into your shirt, "your nails feel nice."

his request has your spiraling thoughts coming to a halt. his gentle tone and sweet question immediately has you smiling, your body relaxing  into his - "of course," you mumble, raising your hand until your nails can run gently over his arm.

matthew sighs happily, tiny goosebumps prickling on his skin. you smile bigger at the sight just as matthew tucks his head further up your body, the top resting against your collarbone. you let your head fall against his, your eyes trained on the movie.

it's obvious why matthew picked one of your preferred movies as you feel his breathing slow down - looking to see his eyes closed shut and his lips parted to release soft breaths.

matthew just needed his best friend.

although you wish you were his girlfriend coming to his aid - you're just happy matthew feels close enough to you in the relationship you do have.

in his sleep, matthew moans briefly, adjusting his hand so it scoops under your back to cradle you against his body. between his peaceful expression and the warmth of his body laying on yours - you know in that moment it isn't just a crush on you're best friend: you're falling in love with him.

Part Four (A): july 4th weekend

"I hate this," you huff, standing up straight and tossing your hands on your hips.

janie laughs from somewhere on the campsite at your words, but you don't feel like laughing along. you're sweating because of the sweltering arizona heat and you're frustrated from the task at hand.

your tent is only half up, and putting that side up was a challenge. you hear somebody approach you from behind, and you turn to look over your shoulder to see matthew. he drops one of the cooler's at the picnic bench beside your deflated tent and he laughs gently.

you squint at him, "it's not funny. i'm going to have to sleep outside because my tent won't be built."

he tuts his tongue at you, taking one of the long metal rods sticking out of the pile. "you're so dramatic." immediately, he begins to expertly thread the pole through the tents openings. the heat has you feeling flustered, and watching matthew's long fingers navigate the metal wasn't helping...at all.

you scoff, "you love my dramatics, matty, don't pretend it bothers you now."

he doesn't look away from your tent, but he smiles anyways. "yeah yeah, can you grab me another pole? and start bringing the pins over as well - since you're just standing there."

you scrunch your nose up and drop your hands from your hips. "i'll grab you a pole alright."

your grumble has him laughing as you turn on your heels and walk away, gathering the rest of the parts to bring them closer to your tent - which now is beginning to look more functional.

you place them where matthew is working, dropping down to a squat beside his crouched position. he sends you a playful look out of the corner of his eye, "now you want to work?"

you shrug, threading a different pole through the polyester loops. "what kind of friend would I be if I made you do all the work on my tent?"

logan passes with an armful of firewood. he drops the pile of logs into the designated fire pit, already preparing for the night before noon has even hit.

for this fourth of july weekend, you had all decided you wanted to do some sort of camping trip. old fashioned camping - completed with tents and smores and picnic benches. thankfully, there were a couple high rated camp sites around the scottsdale area that had vacancy, and you all had packed two of your cars full for a weekend vacation.

"kniesy, you dick, you're supposed to be putting up our tent - never mind y/n's," logan teases as he passes again, gently nudging his foot against your strained calf - which makes you sway, loosing some of your balance.

"go like set up the grill or something," you tell the blond after you flip him the bird, "before I decide to kill you and throw your body in the lake."

"gruesome," logan says. he does what you suggested though, and you catch a glimpse of him unloading the portable barbecue before you turn back to the tent.

"okay," matthew says, pushing off his knees and into a standing position. "you stay on this side while I pull on the support strings and start to hammer them in- I just need you to keep it straight."

"aye aye captain," you salute, pushing yourself to stand just as he did moments prior.

he chuckles under his breath, moving around to the first side of the tent he needed to secure into the ground.

you watch him work with a soft gaze. the way he kneels in the dirt to ensure he's got the tent pulled in a way it won't collapse - watch as his tongue darts out as he concentrates on nailing in the pins. you're sure there's a look on your face that would warrant questions if somebody caught you - but you don't care.

"is it straight?" matthew asks, eyes glancing up in your direction. he catches you admiring him and you clear your throat, looking away with a few quick blinks.

"yeah! all good," you tell him. matthew just smirks at you before finishing building your tent.

a while later, while the afternoon sun is still beating down on your bare shoulders, april suggests you all head to the water for a quick swim. obviously you agree, quickly changing into your bathing suit.

you're all almost near the mini beach, saved for daniel who opted to stay back and watch over the campsite, when matthew falls into line with you - his bare arm brushing against yours as you walk side by side. his pinky runs along yours discreetly, his much larger finger almost hooking yours.

the sun reflected off his tan and toned body, the light accenting the ripples of his strong muscles: abs, biceps, triceps and everything in between.

"i'll race you," matthew says, breaking the quiet tension that had built between you as you both reach the sandy beach.

you look up at him to find a challenging grin on his face - a teasing sparkle in his bright eyes.

"matty," you start, "we aren't kids - besides, it's busy! all these people we'd have to avoid...." you trail off, gesturing to the crowded beach. "...it's a shame they will all have to watch you loose."

you take off, dropping your tote bag as you make a mad dash towards the water.

you hear matthew laugh loudly behind you, surely already beginning to run in your direction. you weave between the bodies throughout the sand, muttering apologies as you approach the water.

you laugh as you miraculously make it into the warm water, just beating matthew in your foot race because of your (cheating) head start. you slow as you go deeper into the lake, turning your body back around just to watch matthew splash into the lake, his body slowly disappearing under the surface as he follows your trail.

on the shore you see your friends laughing in their own world, setting out towels and the umbrella and their few trinkets - janie with her book and april with her phone. briefly, you wonder if one of them had grabbed your bag from where you abandoned it.

the water ripples against you skin as matthew reaches you, his smile an instant distraction from your tote that you suddenly couldn't care less about in his presence. "you tricked me." he states, hands running through the water, sending more sploshes up your tummy.

you shrug innocently, "did I? or are you just slow..."

he splashes some water at you, wetting your bikini top and shoulders. matthew laughs loudly as you screech from the sudden cold temperature, trying to turn your back on his attack.

"I let you win," matthew says after he splashes you once more.

you turn to face him slowly, still weary of any more water he may send your way. "is that so?" you ask lightly. there's a mischievous grin on your face that matthew knows too well - and his suspicions are confirmed when you begin to splash water back at him, drenching his face and hair.

you giggle as he wipes his face, the same hand sliding up and pushing his dark hair away from his face. the water making his brown locks look even darker. "I let you win and this is how you repay me?"

you shrug again. you don't want to feel chilled, so you drop your shoulders into the water so that your whole body is under the water's cool surface - saved for your neck and head. "yeah - can't think of a better way to show my gratefulness." you tease him.

matthew follows suit and submerges his upper body in the lake. he moves impossibly closer to your body - the water providing a privacy in the public setting. with that in mind, he reaches for you, grabbing your leg to gently drag you through the last bit of water left between your bodies.

you gulp nervously as your leg rest's on him. he doesn't let you go, holding your thigh against his hip while your other leg slips between his own two. you can't find the strength to look away from his gaze - not even concerned if you're friends are eyeing you two suspiciously.

"I can think of a way you can show your gratefulness." matthew whispers, hand moving up your thigh in the water until he reaches your bikini bottoms, fingers moving along your ass cheek and slightly slipping beneath the edge of your bathing suit.

"matty..." you breath. his chest heaves with air as he stares down at you - your cheeks slightly sunburnt to give you a permanent sun kissed glow. your lips plump and pink, dark eyelashes wet and making your eyes look even bigger as you blink prettily up at him.

you hear janie and logan laugh as they get into the water, only a few meters away from your and matthew's intertwined bodies. it has you coming to reality, pushing away from matthew to create an appropriate amount of space between you all while trying to appear nonchalant.

logan was too busy trying to sneak attack you to dunk your head under to notice the tension between you and matthew - janie distracted by logan. your and matthew's touching flying under the radar once again.

after a little more swimming and trying to cool your body down from your sensual encounter with matthew - you all decide to lay in the sun for a little bit longer before heading back to the campsite: saving daniel from his lonesome.

daniel has just got the fire started when you all get back from the beach: the warmth of the flames sooth your chilled damp skin. regardless of the warmth, you slip into your tent to grab a hoodie to further keep you from feeling cold.

logan and matthew had just started the grill when you emerge back outside. logan was preparing the frozen patties for cooking, while matthew was cleaning the grill's top with the metal bristled brush - his biceps flexing with each movement on the bars.

"hey, y/n, wanna help me with the salad?" janie asks from the picnic table. her voice has you quickly looking away from your friends arms and over to her - janie eyeing you playfully as she chops through some cherry tomatoes.

"yeah," you hum, taking a seat across from her. you can feel her still giving you that teasing look, so you busy yourself with slicing through the sticks of celery - cubing them because you know matthew prefers them that way - to avoid her gaze.

a moment later, you hear the brunette sigh, tossing her tomatos and shredded leaves into the red serving bowl. "so," she begins, "what were you and matthew talking about."

you eye her, but she has moved her attention to crumbling feta.

janie continues, "in the laker earlier. it seemed..." she pauses, squinting in thought as she tried to think of her wording - "intense." she settles on, feta clinging to her fingers.

you hum nonchalantly, scooping the cubed celery into your palms and dropping it into the salad. "did it?"

she nods suspiciously, "yeah, and i've been thinking about how the past few years something between you two has seemed rather intense - since college. what's up with that?"

she is talking relatively quiet, but you still glance over your shoulder to make sure nobody is listening - the three boys are laughing around the grill, completely oblivious.

when you meet your friends eyes again, she quirks an eyebrow in your direction knowingly. janie is looking at you like she knows you're deepest darkest secret - not just about the casual hookups between you, but also your feelings for matthew.

you should've known janie would figure it out sooner or later. when you moved to arizona and started at the new highschool, not only had you become close with matthew, but you had become just as close with janie. you were instantly drawn to her bubbly personality and confidence - she was your best girl friend. if you weren't with matthew - you were with the small brunette girl.

as she looks at you, she's not even working on cutting up vegetables for the salad - her full attention is on you.

you don't feel like hiding anymore. "janie," you sigh sadly, hands dropping the knife so you can cover your cheeks, "I have to tell you something."

she huffs happily, leaning further over the picnic table. "spill."

then, quietly and with a much detail as you can manage, you tell your friend everything. you start with when you realized you had feelings for matthew in freshman year and when the crush turned into love. you tell janie about your and matthew's pact about loosing your virginities and then turning 18 and having sex for the first time - about how your relationship turned into one with benefits and how you were still falling deeper in love with matthew.

she listenes intently, every so often making sure the guys are busy and not eavesdropping on your private confession - which you were thankful for as you were way too distracted with your own beating heart to notice if there were prying ears.

when you finish, ending on your brief conversation in the lake that afternoon, janie smiles at you softly. "I had a feeling there was something going on - but I didn't realize you were in love with him."

"really?" you laugh in disbelief, "I thought I was being obvious at times."

she hums in thought, mixing the dressing into the fresh salad. "if anything, I thought it was the other way around. like if it was matthew here telling me he loved you - I wouldn't be suprised."

her words are similar to a punch in the gut, but instead of pain it's a wave of hopefulness and excitement. "what?" you question gently, "what do you mean?"

she laughs gently, "this whole time I thought that he's had a secret crush on you. he's been so touchy with you, and he's always looking at you all cute and blah," she says, "it makes sense now - you've been hooking up."

and now it feels like a punch, you think. matthew was only looking at you and teasing you and touching you in a way that could be construed as being in love because he knew you'd give him sex. and like you've already comes to terms with that - you're okay with that. you love matthew, of course, not just romantically but as your best friend. so as long as he was happy with your arrangement, and still felt comfortable telling you everything and anything like you two have always done - you were happy.

"you're right with that," you tell janie. you reach into the cooler pulled open on the picnic bench, cracking open a white claw to take a gulp. "but seriously, i'm fine with this. i'm used to the unrequited love thing with him, trust me."

she gives you one more smile, "okay, as long as you're okay then i'm okay."

"care for some meat in your buns?" logan says loudly, approaching the picnic bench with a paper plate loaded with burgers. matthew and daniel follow behind him, both laughing like little kids at their friend's attempt at a dirty joke.

"don't be gross," janie stands, grabbing the plate to set it next to the condiments on the other side of the salad and cooler.

you watch as daniel thanks his girlfriend with a kiss on the cheek, making janie smile brightly as she opens the bun bag.

you're hit with a momentary wave of longing as you watch your friend so happy with the man she loves, and you wish it was like that with you and matthew - despite knowing he would never want that with you.

logan, ever the flirt, kisses your cheek loudly and then rounds to the other side of the wooden bench to give janie the same one. "thanks for the salad ladies, love you both." he plops down beside daniel and starts to load his plate with some macoroni salad.

you laugh gently while daniel starts playfully yelling at logan about kissing his girlfriend. subconsciously, you use your shoulder to wipe the cheek your friend had smooched.

matthew sits down next to you, definitely too close for just friends. now that janie knows though, you don't feel to worried about the proximity, letting his leg push up against yours underneath the table.

"you want a burger?" matthew asks you, his hand circling on your lower back.

you nod, "yeah, thanks. just one."

he reaches down the table towards the end farthest away, grabbing your burger and two for himself - he even dresses yours exactly how you love it, which obviously has you smiling. in thanks, you serve him his salads - matthew too distracted with devouring his first burger to serve himself them.

matthew acknowledges your act of service with his calf wrapping around the front of your shin, pulling your leg to rest between his own under the table. and then when he smiles at you all cheesy between bites of his food - you don't even get disgusted, only feeling fuzzy and tingly all over.

you chug the rest of your white claw.

-

"when do you think the fireworks will start?" logan grunts across the bonfire, shoving a marshmallow on his stick roughly. "it's dark as shit."

janie shushes him and tells him not to swear - a couple little kids laugh in the distance to prove her point.

"soon," you tell him, twisting your metal stick that holds your marshmallow over the flames. the gooey ball slowly turning brown and crispy as you spin it. "patience is key, logan."

"yeah, well, my patience is running thin." logan chimes, pushing his own stick into the fire.

matthew laughs beside you, "you don't have patience to begin with."

the blonde scoffs, "y/n, tell the peanut gallery to quiet down."

you and matthew giggle quietly to each other at your friends annoyance. you let your arm bump into his bicep on your shared bench, head briefly resting against his shoulder as you laugh.

your marshmallow catches fire, and you smile victoriously. you pull it out from the bonfire and up to your mouth. the flame from the treat is hot on your face, but you blow it out quickly, leaving you with a melted and charred marshmallow. "alright, matty, i'm ready for the sandwich."

matthew praises your perfectly burnt marshmallow. "yes ma'am," he teases. you watch as he brings his arms up, a graham cracker with a square of chocolate in each hand, clutched between his fingers. you watch as he smooshes the marshmallow between the crackers, smoothly pulling the gooey sticky treat off the stick.

he smiles, "and there you go," matthew hands you the campfire treat, "take a bite of that and tell me it's not the perfectly crafted s'more."

he had been going on about his double deckered s'more since the drive to the campsite - claiming nobody could make the desert as good as he could. you had teased him relentlessly all afternoon about it, so once the fire had gotten started, matthew was quick to get the s'more kit out.

you send him a look, grabbing the s'more and taking a big bite. you feel the marshmallow goo smear onto your lips, graham cracker crumbling to the ground. you chew delicately, matthew watching you the entire time.

you swallow, "it's good."

"just good?" he repeats, eyes widening.

your use your free hand to wipe your mouth, "the best part was the marshmallow - which i contributed. just tasted like a normal s'more with extra chocolate."

he scoffs in disbelief, "which is the best part!"

you scrunch your nose, licking some smeared chocolate from your thumb. "the marshmallow is the best, actually."

he rolls his eyes playfully, "fine." then he dips his head down, taking the rest of your s'more between his teeth and right out of your hand.

you screech, "you better make me another one."

he shakes his head and swallows, "no you didn't like it." he faux's annoyance, turning his face away from you.

"oh my god," you huff.

"can you make me one of your s'mores?" daniel asks from across the small bonfire, leaning forward on his camping chair to catch matthew's eyes.

matthew sighs, "what's the point...my best friend doesn't even like them."

you laugh at his fake huffy tone, "I didn't say I didn't like them!"

he turns back to you, "didn't have to."

you laugh again loudly, and at the sound matthew finally cracks a smile. he throws an arm around your shoulders, pulling you into his chest. "i'm teasing you," you whispers into your hairline.

"had no idea," you tell him playfully, tilting your head up to look him in the eyes. he smirks down at you - one his his hands coming up to your mouth, where he thumbs the missed marshmallow off your lip.

you swallow nervously but continue to look up at him - the sound of your friends laughter and obliviousness to you and matthew fading into the background.

the squeal of a firework has you looking away just in time for the boom to sound throughout the campsite, sparks of red and blue lighting up the sky in the distance.

"fuck yeah," logan cheers, jumping up from his seat, claiming he gets a better viewing angle if he stands.

janie follows suit, phone out to get pictures and videos of the firework show - daniel at her side as all there backs are now turned to the forgotten flames of the bonfire.

as you watch the beautiful lights, you feel matthew squeeze around your shoulders tighter and then he presses a long kiss to the corner of your mouth.

-

you're one of the last ones sitting by the dying fire, your body flushed with the heat and alcohol. still sitting beside you, matthew laughs deeply at something logan says - his shoulder rubs against yours at the movement. you're also laughing at logan's slurred attempt at a joke, and you shush them gently through your giggles.

logan moves to stand, his lean body swaying slightly as his arms reach up over his head in a long stretch. "should probably head to sleep anyways."

"me too." you nod in agreement, "janie will have us all up before 7 for that hike she's been taking about."

both matthew and logan groan at the thought, heads dropping backwards in protest. you roll your eyes but smile, although you're also not looking forward to the early wake up call, the hiking trail looked beautiful and you were looking forward to the scenery - clearly, the boys couldn't care less.

"alright, kniesy, you want the blue sleeping bag or the green one?" logan teases, his fingers working against the zipper of the tent as he glances over his shoulder at you both.

matthew shrugs nonchalantly. he puts out the last tiny gathering of flames in the pit with a jug of lake water. "i'm not sharing with you. i'll share with y/n...she smells better."

his words make you blush. you turn away and busy yourself with cleaning up the collection of alcohol cans littered around the small campsite - tossing them in one of the empty coolers for disposal in the morning.

"dick." logan scoffs playfully, "I wear dior but suit yourself." logan doesn't protest any further, and clambers into his form of shelter, zipping up the tent's entrance behind him - leaving you alone.

you can hear matthew pick up some beer bottles, the glass clanking together in his hands. he clears his throat, "is that okay?"

you hum lightly with question. you don't turn to look at him, too worried about the reaction your body might have now that you're finally alone with matthew after a day of tension.

"that we share a tent? is that okay?" matthew walks up behind you, and he reaches to grab the can in your hand.

you finally meet his eyes as you look back at him. "course it's okay," you say gently. with your hands now free, they itch to reach out and run over his torso, pull him into you and kiss him roughly right there.

"i've got these if you want to head into bed." matthew tells you quietly, tossing more cans into the cooler.

you blink three times, and you swallow with a quick nod. "okay." you start making towards the direction of now your and matthew's shared tent, listening as matthew cleans up the picnic table. you pause, looking over you shoulder.

as if matthew can feel your stare, he glances back at you. he raises his brows with a smirk at your face - clearly on the verge of saying something. before you can talk yourself out of it, you smile teasingly. "i'll make sure I smell real good for you."

matthew grins, straightening his posture as he finishes cleaning the table he'd been hunched over. under the glow of the stars, you can see matthew's face flush at your comment, and knowing your words had affected him in some way have you blushing.

matthew clears his throat, "looking forward to it."

your blush deepens.

you take two steps backward until you feel the polyester entrance of the tent. matthew sends one more seductive smirk in your direction before you spin around, climbing into your tent in an attempt to calm yourself down.

you can hear matthew tidying up the plastic garbage bags while you take a few deep breaths, pressing a hand to your warm forehead in an attempt to stay grounded. your stomach flutters at the mere thought of matthew coming into the tent with you, never mind the ideas that flood your head of what will happen when you two will finally be alone.

you exhale, kicking your sandals off to the side so you don't trek any dirt into the sleeping area. you had already pumped up the air mattress in preparation for sleep. sleeping bags had always made you claustrophobic: so you avoided them.

quickly, you start fluffing the bedding and shoving your things around until it looks somewhat organized. you're not sure why you feeling so nervous, but there's something about what's been brewing that has your chest tightening and mouth drying. maybe it was because you two were technically in public and not alone - or possibly because you hadn't had sex in a few weeks. either way, the thought of matthew had you trembling.

just as you flick the small portable lamp on and the inside of the tent becomes illuminated with a dim glow, you can hear matthew begin to tug on the tent's zipper - he struggles a few times, no doubt from the combination the alcohol and the darkness of the late night.

"fuck me," matthew mutters as he finally steps in. the sound of his voice sends your heart racing, and you smile gently to try and seem calm. the flashlight is shining from his phone and through his front hoodie pocket - he must've just slipped it in there as he entered. "stupid zipper."

you clear your throat, "maybe it's not the zipper that's stupid..." you trail of teasingly, grabbing onto your duffle bag to lug it on top the mattress.

matthew laughs, raising his brows in your direction. "you're just such a bully today."

you purse your lips, digging through your belongings until you find your lemon printed pyjama set. "you're still bitter because I won the race -"

"by cheating," he reminds you cheekily. matthew must've made a trip to his car after putting the garbage in logan's truck bed, because you see his overnight bag on his arm. he drops it near the foot of the bed with a thud.

"by being smart." you correct him with a hum.

matthew drops down to the mattress beside you, the velvet material puffing under his weight - the movement sends you into his side. now that you're closer, he reaches out slowly, tucking some of your fallen hair behind your ear.

you grip onto your pyjamas to keep yourself present as matthew's eyes bore into yours - a little hazy from the alcohol but they're still the most beautiful eyes you've seen.

his hand moves back, thick fingers threading through strands of hair so he can hold the side of your head, his thumb stroking along your scalp behind your ear.

you think you may have a heart attack. the combination of his intense lustful gaze and his hands on your skin has you squirming.

"you've always been so smart," matthew continues quietly, and his breath tickles against your red cheeks. "expect for s'more knowledge - you're not too smart in that department."

you click your tongue, gently pushing against his peck in protest. "you're such a little shit."

matthew grabs you, his warm palm wrapping around your wrist so you're unable to pull your hand away from his chest. "I miss you," he tells you through an exhale, his finger stroking along the pulspoint on your wrist.

you hope he can't feel how fast your heart is beating. you swallow gently, and your free hand slides up his leg, resting right against the thick muscle above his knee. "i'm right here," you whisper.

matthew nods once, "I know."

the tone of his words seems off, but he doesn't leave you room to question it. matthew leans in, mouth capturing yours in a long awaited kiss. the little moments of tension throughout the day had finally spilled over as his lips slide against yours.

all nerves you'd been feeling disappear at the familiarity of his kiss and you sigh into his mouth pleasantly. slowly, your hand slips up towards his face. matthew allows you to move, releasing his grip on your wrist so you can cradle his jawline with both of your hands.

with his now free hand, matthew grabs onto your waist, fingers curling into your skin as he begins to guide your body backwards - slowly, as if not startle you or rush you.

matthew keeps your lips connected until your back hits the rubber mattress, continuing his delicious assault on your mouth as you fall into a horizontal position. the air mattress squeaks and puffs under the change in position - typically a comical sound, but with the way matthew's lips trial down your jaw and continue down to your jugular, you don't find it humorous. you're too distracted from the wet kisses on your skin and the weight of his body on yours.

matthew pauses where your neck meets your collarbone, nipping at your sunkissed skin before soothing the sting out with his tongue, licking a flat strip over every bite. the feeling has you panting quietly, your hands raking through his thick brown locks. he sucks on to your sweet spot, right in the pit of your collarbone, and your grip tightens - illiciting a moan from matthew.

"lift your hips for me, baby," his command is whispered against the shell of your ear, pressing a kiss there, which sends a shiver through your body.

you do as he requested, lifting your lower half off the bed. you core bumps against his crotch, matthew's semi bumping your bundle of nerves perfectly - the contact sends a moan tumbling past your puffy lips.

matthew hisses, "fuck can't do that baby - feels too good." he pushes off your body, leaning back to rest against his heels.

your smirk, thrusting your hips into the air involuntarily - searching for the friction he had provided just moments before.

matthew reaches towards you, hands landing on your hip bones. he curses, two of his fingers hooking the waistband of your bottoms, tugging them down in one rough pull.

instinctively, your legs fall open wider, exposing your bare core further for matthew. your body was clearly ready for whatever was to come next - you feel yourself clench around nothing at the thought.

the dim light catches you, and matthew smirks at the sight your pussy glistening with arousal. "fuck," he curses again. two of his thick fingers slide through your folds, playing and gathering your wetness and spreading it up to your clit. "already so wet for me."

you whine, "please, matty - don't tease. I need you so bad." his fingers prode at your dripping entrance and you sigh pleasantly, tugging your lip between your teeth as you watch him move. matthew slips a finger inside and your back arches off the mattress, mouth falling open in a silent moan.

"feel good, baby?" he question, pumping into you lazily - hitting all the right places and nerves that could have you coming in seconds.

you moan again, "I need you inside me."

"yeah, okay," matthew breaths, pulling his fingers from your entrance with a squelch. he makes you suck your arousal off his digits - watching you blissfully and mouth hung open as your tongue swirls along his fingers.

matthew stands up, quickly shoving his pants down his thick thighs. he's left naked from the waist down, only left in his maroon hoodie.

the sight of that has you giggling, biting on your thumb to try and contain your wave of laughter.

matthew laughs as he pulls his sweatshirt over his head in one swift motion - leaving him bare in the privacy of your tent. any and all previous laughter comes to a halt, and you admire his naked form shamelessly. he's always been so sexy, you think. with a broad strong chest and defined abs, accompanied by his thick arms and legs - he was the epitome of perfect.

"fuck," you swear, "come back here."

he listens to you request, naked body soon hovering over you. "shit," matthew curses gently after a quick press to your lips. "I don't have condoms." he tells you, pushing himself further above you with one arm. affectionately, his other hand strokes the hair away from your face.

you shake your head and bring your lower lip into your mouth again - knawing on the swollen skin. "I don't care," you admit to him quitley.

matthew's face lights up, and his brows raise in a silent question. "you sure?"

you shrug with a small smile, "I mean, I haven't like been with anyone in awhile- and i'm clean...if you're-"

"i'm clean," he interrupts you gently.

you stomach swoops with a mix of nervousness and excitement. the lips you had once been knawing at is released with a quiet pop - a wide grin breaking out on your face.

matthew takes the bruised coloured lip between his, licking the skin before bringing you into another kiss. your lips crash together passionately, brushing over one another in a way that makes your body feel like it's on fire. your heart is palpating in your chest when matthew's hand leaves your hair, trailing down your body until it reaches your bare hipbone.

his warm hands slides up, pushing your hoodie towards your chest with his fingers. he breaks the kiss momentarily, matthew's chest heaving against yours as he tries to catch his breath. "arch your back for me."

"m'kay," you hum, lifting your lower back offthe mattress. with the space under you, matthew pulls your hoodie off your torso, pulling it over you head and throwing it towards your duffle bag that had been pushed off the bed - sitting upside down on the polyester floor.

now left in only a yellow printed bikini top, nipples pebbled underneath the thin damp material. matthew's tongue darts out to wet his lower lip, and he rips away the cups from your breasts, revealing you completely. "fuck, you're so pretty." he mumbles.

"matty, please fuck me." you whimper, hooking your leg around the curve of his hip, locking yourself in place against him. you tug him down gently, his hard on bumping your bare core roughly.

you moan in unison at the friction. matthew answers you by gripping his throbbing dick in his fist and he pumps himself a few times, readying himself for your warmth. he lines the tip of himself with your hole, gently sliding his head through your dripping wet folds - bumping your clit until your whining.

"matty," you whine. "please."

his head slides into you, slowly, your pussy pulling him in naturally. the full feeling was so beautifully overwhelming, and you push your head further into the pillow under you, mouth falling open in pleasure.

you mewl at his dick filling you, "so much," you mumble, hands blindly finding the edge of your pillow case until you can grip onto it - grounding yourself. "always so much."

"shh... just a little bit more, baby," matthew soothes you, his hand coming up from between your bodies to untangle your hand from the pillow. he interlocks his fingers with yours, squeezing his hand in yours as he slides into you fully.

"oh my- shit," you curse, eyes darting down as matthew begins to thrust into your pussy. your free hand shoots up to hold onto his thick shoulder, keeping yourself in place as the pace begins to pick up.

"god, you feel so fucking good." he moans, leaning down so his lips capture yours. the kiss is more heavy breathing and exploring tongues than anything else, but it all feels too damn good to care.

matthew breaks the kiss, his forehead pressing against yours. his hips and dick continuing to thrust into you at the speed and pressure you love so much.

in that moment, you think how easy it would be for you to tell him you love him. the way he keeps his eyes trained on your face, or the way he touches you so delicately - it's almost impossible to not to slip up and say something. his skilled kisses and forceful thrusts into you, it's all too much.

"you okay, baby?" he huffs, eyes locking on yours as he continues thrusting.

you nod, pushing your lips on his once more. your stomach tingles when matthew immediately kisses you back. he untangles your intertwined hands in favour of reaching between your bodies again, thumbing your sensitive clit.

you moan loudly, "fuck, keep doing that." he silences your noises with a quick peck, continuing the double stimulation on your pussy.

in the three years of having casual sex with matthew, he has come to know your body very well - including when you're going to finish. he feels the way your walls begin to clamp down on his dick, as is if you were trying to pull him deeper into you. your grip on his shoulder tightens, your nails no doubt leaving creasing shaped indents on his tan skin.

matthew watches the way your face changes, an intense blissful expression taking over.

"i'm gunna..."

"I know, fuck, cum on my dick." he grunts between thrusts.

the coil in your stomach snaps at his command, and you release on him - your juices flowing from your weeping hole and wetting his lower region.

with three more hard thrusts, matthew moans, pushing into you as he finishes. you feel his cum coat your insides, thick ropes of semen spilling from his head and covering your sticky walls.

matthew grabs a hold of your hip, gently pushing down as he slowly pulls himself out of you. "shit," he curses, watching the way his cum drips from you, pooling against your ass and spilling onto the mattress. "you okay, y/n/n?"

you nod tiredly with a faint smile on your puffy lips, pushing up onto your elbows. "i'm okay," you confirm. "can you get me my pyjamas? I think I threw them on the floor earlier."

matthew laughs gently, "yeah." he crawls off your body, and you admire his naked ass as he walks over to the opposite of the bed to your tipped bag. he picks up your lemon set, tossing them at you gently. "you don't want to naked cuddle?"

you giggle, pulling on your top and buttoning it together. "janie will be in here early - can't have her seeing us naked."

he shrugs, pulling his boxer briefs back up his legs. "nothing wrong with a bit of nakedness."

you squawk, "maybe I don't want her to see you naked."

matthew brings his bottom lip between his teeth, smirking down at you as you pull your shorts on. "why? you'd be jealous?"

"more like embarrassed," you tease.

"hey!" he laughs, crawling back over your body to capture your laughing mouth in another kiss.

Part Four (B):

the summer breeze blows your sundress against your knees, the soft fabric tickling your legs. you sway with the warm air, eyes dancing over the busy park as you wait for matthew to return.

you watch him make his way over, a bright smile on his face as he weaves through walking adults and hyper kids. the sight has you breaking out into a grin, your previously crossed arms falling to your sides just as he reaches you. "and one vanilla cone for a pretty girl."

"why thank you kind sir," you tease with a light giggle. you waste no time, licking a flat strip up the sweet ice cream, moaning gently as the cool desert melts in your mouth.

matthew chuckles at the sound, tongue wrapping around his own cone. "good?"

"mhm!" you mumble in answer, your mouth full of ice cream.

matthew smiles, licking some more chocolate desert off his cone. he grabs your hand in his much warmer palm, interlocking your fingers together as you continue to stroll further into the arizona park.

the bright sun shines over the area, illuminating the vibrant leaves on the trees and the colourful flower beds that sat at every stump and bush. the scene is so relaxing and peaceful, like something from a painting.

matthew has always looked so amazing in the summer, you think. his hair becomes lighter, and he always bulks back up from the end of season weight loss. you watch as his muscles contract under his white shirt, and the sight has your mouth watering. you distract yourself by eating some more of your treat.

"you okay?" he squeezes your hand, "want some chocolate ice cream?"

"i'm fine," you say, "I do want some though - give me a lick." matthew holds his cone out infront of your face, and you grip his wrist to steady his hand while you taste some of his ice cream - taking a good sized amount of chocolate on your tongue.

you smile, pleased, and release your grip - once he pulls back, matthew eyes you suspiciously. "you sure you're okay? you looked pretty deep in thought for a minute there."

"just thinking about how delicious my ice cream is!" you say lightly, sending matthew an overly large grin in hopes to throw him off your track - it fails.

"y/n." he deadpans.

you moan gently, head falling to matthew's bicep. "fine! honestly i'm thinking about how pretty you look in this sunshine."

a fond smile makes its way onto his face, "you're such a sap."

"hey," you scoff, pulling away from matthew's touch. "don't be an asshole, I was trying to be nice and compliment you - I take it back."

"I was joking," he draws out, hands reaching back out for you, "come here." matthew successfully grabs onto your wrist, pulling you back into his space. he then wraps his arm around your shoulders, keeping your body tucked into him as you leisurely walk along.

you pout largely and mumble, "better be."

matthew laughs breathily at your exaggerated facial expression, and he brushes his lips against your sweaty hairline in an apology.

you walk in silence for a few minutes, taking in the busy park while you and matthew finish off your respective ice cream cones. it's moments like this that you cherish so much with your best friend. the moments of complete silence, where the two of your just enjoy each others presence without words. one of the reasons you love matthew so much is because how comfortable he makes you, no matter where you are or what you're doing.

eventually, you take a deep inhale, breaking the silence between you. "thanks for the ice cream, matty. and for bringing me here."

he shrugs nonchalantly, "of course. I feel like we haven't spent time together, just us, in sooooo long. wanted to be with my favourite person."

your face heats up instantly and you smirk teasingly, gazing up at him fondly. "look who's the sap now." you nudge your elbow deeper into his side, and then wrap that arm around his waist so he can't pull away from you.

"oh okay," matthew sighs, "I see how it is."

"i'm kidding," you sing song, laughing gently. your free hand comes up to grab his fingers on the hand that was dangling of your sundress covered shoulders. "dish it but can't take it, matty?"

matthew slows in his steps, making you both come to a gradual stop. he grabs your waist, spinning your body to completely face his as you stand still in the middle of the park. "you're impossible, y/n/n." matthew says with a grin. he takes one hand and reaches for your face, your warm summer flush being covered by his palm.

"shut up," you say through a smile, "you're the impossible one."

"mhm," matthew hums quietly, thumb stroking along your cheek bone as he holds you. you watch the way his eyes move over your face gently, staring at all your freckles and moles, down to your lips and back up to your bright eyes. matthews tongue darts out to wet his bottom lip, his fond expression indicating he didn't really hear what you said - too distanced by....you.

you swallow gently, your own eyes never once straying from his face as he studies you. you feel unbearably warm under his gaze, heat bubbling in your blood in the best possible way.

matthew's right hand comes up to brush against the other side of your face, holding you between his large palms. on instinct, you touch his hips, your delicate fingers dusting along the linen fabric of his shirt.

he finds your eyes once more, holding your gaze for a long moment. that fond look had yet to disappear, and if anything it become more prevalent when your eyes locked.

you think you might gasp, or swear or pass out - you're not sure, but your head is spinning with love and happiness under matthew's stare.

you're not sure if you should say anything. you think of maybe asking him if he's okay, but your words die on your tongue when matthew licks his lips again, wetting the plump skin in a way that makes them even more desirable.

a beat passes, and then matthew finally closes the gap between you and captures your lips in his. the pressure is comforting and the way he sucks your top lip into his mouth expertly had your knees feeling weak - gripping onto his waist to keep yourself upright.

the kiss doesn't last long enough before matthew is pulling away - mindful of the busy public setting and the people bustling around the park. you sigh at the loss of contact, and at the sound of your disappointment matthew leans back in, stealing one more chaste kiss.

"you taste like vanilla," matthew says cheekily, he's still holding your face, keeping you close in his space.

you scrunch your nose up, the skin crinkling in the middle of of your face. matthew smiles at the sight. slowly, he releases your face, hands coming down to interlock your fingers once again - tugging on your hand as he begins to walk again.

"you taste like dusty waffle cone." you say, squeezing his hand reassuringly.

matthew chuckles, "you love my dusty waffle cone." he swings your intertwined hands between your bodies, his knuckles brushing the soft material of your sundress with every pass.

you take a long breath in, smiling gently - the scent of peonies and roses invading your senses pleasantly. you look towards matthew and find him already smiling at you.

you shrug at his statement, "I prefer sweet."

his smiles widens, "good thing i'm sweet enough without the ice cream then, huh?"

matthew's teasing has you blushing all the way to your chest and up your ears, nibbling on your lip in an attempt to contain your grin. "good thing."

matthew's smile softens slightly, but the look of amusement never leaves his eyes. he tugs your arm, "c'mon," he says, "let's go get food and then head home - i've been having an urge to binge american pie."

"deal," you smile, "but only if we get pizza."

matthew groans in agreement, "you've got a deal."

Part Four (C): halloween, sophomore year UNI

"whoops," you mumble, arms held out to regain your shaky balance after almost falling over. normally you'd blame your stumbling on the uneven concrete outside your residence building, but the margarita's pumping through your blood were definitely the reason tonight.

"careful," matthew laughs, a strong arm reaching out to grasp on to your waist. one of your devil wings stabs into his ribs, but because of his own alcohol intake, matthew doesn't seem to feel it. "did you want me to come up with you?"

you hum with contemplation, slowing in your steps as you approach the glass doors of residence. "think i'll be okay..." you smirk, spinning in his arms so fast it makes you momentarily dizzy. "unless you want to fuck."

matthew laughs, "we are both too drunk." he's almost suprised at his own common sense - even furrows his brows after he finishes the scentence.

"you're right," it's a sigh from your lips, and you fall forward into his chest, arm circling around his waist over the angel costume. "at least a kiss before I go?"

matthew smirks at your pouty face, your chin pressed between his pecks as you stare up at him. wordlessly, he grabs a hold of your face and kisses you.

the kiss is a little messy, and the flavours of your respective drinks mix between your shared silvia. regardless, it still has your blood pumping in your ears and matthew grinning against your mouth - both of you too drunk to care.

when he pulls away, his eyes are droopy with sleep and lust. "y/n/n," he whispers, "can I tell you something."

"always," you slur.

he brushes over the top of your head, smoothing your frizzy curls. "I purposely rejected girls last year so that i'd loose my virginity to you....because I only wanted it to be you. I've never wanted anyone the way I want you."

too drunk to disect his words, you smile clueless, pressing a chaste kiss to the palm of his hand. "I wanted it to be you too."

matthew, who is also too drunk to take in your words or understand his own, smiles cheekily. "wanna get frozen yogurt tomorrow?"

you gasp, "yes!"

the next afternoon when you both wake up, neither of you get frozen yogurt because neither of you remember the conversation.

Part Five:

something has definitely changed between you and matthew. maybe it was just in your head, but ever since the kiss you shared in the park a few week prior, there has been a shift between you.

touches lingered longer, eyes swam with newfound confidence and when he would kiss you, he would do it just for the purpose of kissing. it wouldn't lead to sex or a heated make out, matthew would simply just kiss you hello and goodbye or after a teasing remark.

and sure, it's not that matthew would only kiss you when he wanted sex before that - but it was never for no reason. the park kiss was the first time you felt loved by matthew and when he kissed you because he just felt like it.

you think maybe there's a possibility something was blooming between you. a small chance that matthew had feelings for you - that he loved you.

"hey," matthew whispers, hand squeezing your thigh to grab your attention. "you okay?"

you blink, looking away from the tiny airplane window and over to your friend. you nod, "i'm okay," matthew's eyes scan your features quickly, but you catch his worried eyes - sending a reassuring smile. "just trying to remember if I packed my toothbrush." you lie easily.

matthew seems to buy it, laughing gently into your shoulder. "if you did, i'll buy you a new one."

you smile, and your arms snake around his bicep in a hug. "better be one of those expensive electric ones if that's the case." you tease quietly. matthew laughs again, his arm flexing under your hands.

"anything you want."

only a week after your ice cream date in the park, matthew had asked if you wanted to come with him to toronto for a week. he said that around august every year, the guys started to get back into the groove of things, so he was thinking of heading back for a brief visit before moving back for the season.

when you asked why he wanted you to come, he said he wanted his favourite person to meet his toronto family, which obviously sent you into a loving spiral. it was enough for you to agree, packing your bags and accompanying your best friend to canada a week later.

you find yourself turning to look out the window once again, the CN tower looking back at you from a few miles in the distance. a wave of excitement floods you, and your turn back to matthew.

"i'm excited to meet everyone," you admit. one of your hands move from his arm to grab his hand that was on your leg, palm coming down on the top of his hand. "can't wait for them to tell me how much of pest you are in the locker room."

he scoffs playfully, "the only reason you want to see everyone is so that you can talk shit?... I should've known better."

you laugh, hiding your face in matthew's broad shoulder. he smiles at the sound, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. you smile into his shirt at the feeling, letting your brain run wild with feelings.

"are you sure it's okay that i'm staying with you?"

"course," matthew hums, "john and aryne are so excited to meet you. aryne has already said how stoked she is to have a girl in the house for a week."

that has you grinning, squeezing his hand happily. "I can't believe i'm going to meet an nhl superstar," you whisper giddy.

matthew quirks a brow, "you've met me. I thought I was an nhl superstar?"

"you'll still be my favourite," you trail off, tilting your head up so brush your lips against his, giving matthew a chaste kiss.

'attention passengers, we will be making our descend to toronto pearson international airport now - please ensure you remain seated and keep your seatbelts buckled until landing."

matthew pulls away from your kiss, giving your thigh another assuring squeeze.

—

"no way!" you grin, your knife slowing is it cuts through your piece of saucy chicken, "what did you do?" you asked amused, stabbing your food before bringing it to your mouth.

aryne tavares swallows her mouthful of water, placing the glass down gently. "well, I panicked for sure! I ushered axton to go with steph, and handed the baby to jake's wife. then I ran after jace! he sure is small but god did his small legs outrun me."

you laugh lightly, slowly chewing your piece of chicken before swallowing. "that's sweet though, regardless."

"I know," she smiles sweetly, eating some of her own honey garlic seasoned meat.

beside you, matthew laughs as well, shoving another mouthful of rice in his mouth. "he made me ride home with them because he was worried - held my hand the whole time." he tells you between chews of his food.

you coo, forking some of your crispy potatoes.

aryne and john tavares had picked you up from the pearson airport terminal, and they greeted you like you were apart of their family and have known you for years. immediately, you felt welcomed by the tavares', all of you falling into comfortable conversation on the drive to their home.

you and aryne had cooked dinner together, laughing and talking like the two of you had done it many times before - making a delicious honey garlic glazed chicken with whole grain rice and crisp baby potatoes.

as you all sat down to eat, john and aryne wasted no time jumping into stories about matthew and his first few months in the NHL - including the most recent one that aryne had been sharing: when matthew got his concussion and their son, Jace, had ran through the arena to make sure matthew was okay.

"didn't stop him from whacking me with a mini stick the next morning," matthew teases after your fond coo.

you all laugh gently, not wanting to wake any of the kids from where they slept upstairs - wiped out from spending the day at their grandparents.

"I love that story," you admit fondly, finishing off your portion of perfectly seasoned rice.

"matthew said you would," john muses, sending your friend a knowing glance through his thick dark lashes, a smirk beginning to tug on the captain's mouth.

"did he now?" you tease in matthew's direction, further contributing to the blush rising on matthew's warm face. he chuckles gently, eyes trained on his empty dinner plate to  avoid his captains tease and your soft gaze.

"he talks about you all the time," john continues to tease, laughing as his younger teammate splutters with embarrassment. "think I know more about you than I do about matthew."

aryne scolds her husband with a smile, smacking his arm gently.

"all good things I hope?" you question gently, a hopeful smile tugging your lips upwards as you look around.

matthew clears his throat quickly. "always" he tells you, rubbing along the top of your thigh, his warm palm tickling your exposed skin underneath the dining room table.

you blush, clearing your throat before taking a healthy sip of your water.

—

the weight of matthew's body on top of yours is foolproof. although his full weight isn't on you, the heat of his skin has you feeling amazing.

the spare bedroom popcorn ceiling of the tavares house is staring down at you, bright white and crisp. the room still smells like matthew - like he never left his home in toronto. his clothes still in the closet, and his cologne and old spice deodorant on the dresser.

a smile breaks out on your face at the sight and thought of matthew being so comfortable and happy in toronto, your eyes darting to his as he looks down at you - his own grin playing at his lips.

"I can believe i'm in your room."

his brows pull together ever so slightly, his lips tugging further upwards. "you've seen this room before."

"yeah," you sigh, "but only on facetime. this is different - I love it."

matthew laughs gently, face dipping down to hide in the crook of your neck. his hair tickles your skin, and the tip of his nose nudges against your pulse point. matthew presses his lips on your sweet spot, but instead of kissing you, he blows a raspberry. the feeling has you squirming, a tiny squeal falling form your lips as you laugh - trying to escape the tickle sensation.

he pulls away to look at you, a cheeky smile on his face.

"you're ridiculous," you laugh, pinching the inside of his bicep.

matthew's smile widens, "you love when I do that."

"no I don't." your smile gives you away, and matthew is leaning back in, blowing a quick raspberry on your flushed cheek - eliciting another laugh from you. he soothes the tickle with a quick kiss, turning your face more pink.

"I missed you so much when I was here," matthew says gently, "I can't believe that you're with me right now."

you blink in suprise, a fond smile blooming on your lips. "nowhere else i'd rather be."

he quirks a brow up playfully, "than with me?"

"no," you deadpan, "this bed. god, that nhl money really gets you the expensive mattresses, huh?" you tease, stretching your arms over your head in an exaggerated stretching motion.

matthew tongues his cheek with a grin before using one of his hands to tickle your exposed under arm. you squeak again, bringing your arms down quickly.

a moment passes, and then matthew is holding your cheek, his face coming down again but this time to kiss you softly. like usual, your stomach swoops, the feeling of his lips tenderly pressing into yours nothing short of perfect.

he pulls away an inch and then presses one more long kiss to your lips. you sigh pleasantly, eyes fluttering open to meet his blue ones again.

in between your spread legs, you feel matthew's dick twitch through his lulu shorts, right against your core. he groans quietly, "you know how many times i've jerked off in this bed thinking about sex with you?"

a mix of a laugh and gasp passes your lips, "matty! that's so gross."

he laughs amused, "and you love it."

you really do.

"so, what? i'm just laying in your cum? you're nasty." you laugh again, covering your face with in the crook of your elbow.

gently, he tugs your arm away, revealing your face to him once more. "my cum is literally in you."

you shush him, burning a deep burgundy all over.

"hey," matthew starts, "tomorrow I was thinking we could go around the city? do all that shitty tourist stuff until our heads explode. then tomorrow night, mitch and steph are having a get together at this club, thought we could go. then you can meet everyone else."

you smile brightly as you listen to matthew, enjoying the way he absentmindedly plays with the baby hairs around your face, pushing them off your forehead as he talks. "sounds perfect," you hum once he finishes.

matthew's smiles and he nods, pressing two quick kisses to your lips.

—

matthew woke you up at 7 a.m. the next morning, claiming you two had to get to the aquarium before the tourists did - when you reminded him that the two of you are also tourists, he shushed you quickly, making you laugh as his index finger pressed to your lips.

like he said he would, matthew took you around the whole city. he showed you the most iconic tourist spots in toronto - like the CN tower and museum, as well as bringing you to leafs square and showing you all his favourite spots. all day, matthew was so bubbly and happy showing you everywhere - he talked and laughed with you, never letting go of your hand or waist as he dragged you around toronto.

for a late lunch, matthew brought you to a cute cafe in trinity bellwoods, which was so delicious. while you both ate cheesy sandwiches, he had trapped your leg between his own, smiling gently anytime you caught gazes. it was all so....domestic and wonderful - you fought hard to not grin like a manic the entire day.

"you still up for tonight? everyone's looking forward to meeting you." matthew spoke into your ear on the walk back to his parked car, arm wrapped around your shoulder to keep you close.

"yes," you said, "i'm excited." and then matthew kissed you right outside the sky dome for everyone to see.

you were....so in love with him.

—

you sighed, hands flattening your black skirt down as you checked your outfit over in the bathroom mirror. your top glittered as it caught the warm glow of the lightbulbs above, elevating a rather simple outfit into one appropriate for an expensive night club.

still unsure, you brought you lip between your teeth, tasting the strawberry lip stain as you did. "matty," you called out gently, padding out of the en suite and into the spare room matthew's stuff occupied, "is this okay?"

sitting on the mattress, matthew looks up from his phone at the sound of your voice. instantly, his eyes soften and glaze over, his plump lips parting as he drinks you in from head to toe.

he stands up, phone long forgotten as he makes his way over towards you. "more than okay," matthew mutters, reaching out to run his calloused fingertips over your bare shoulder, "i'm going to have to fight off other men - you look so pretty. i'm pretty good at fighting though, so don't worry."

"loser," you chime with a smile, "think it's appropriate?"

"yes," he smiles, "they'll be falling at your feet."

you roll your eyes playfully, brushing past him to grab your shoes in your small travel bag, rifling through your options. "is the uber almost here?"

he nods, watching as you pull out your favourite pair of shoes. "yeah, they're about to pull up." matthew answers, walking back over to your side.

"m'kay," you hum, strapping on the heels of your sandals. you teeter without your full balance, and matthew immediately grabs your arm to steady you.

you fight back your grin, finishing with the buckle.

matthew leads you outside with a hand on your lower back, gently guiding you into the back seat of the uber. you think he may choose to sit in the front seat, but he climbs in after you, sliding beside you effortlessly.

in the short ride to the nightclub, matthew's hand doesn't leave your leg, his palm either squeezing the meat of your thigh or a finger stroking along your tanned skin.

there's a moment when your driver makes a turn onto the street for the club, and matthew looks down at you fondly. his free hand brushes away some hair, lingering by your ear when he whispers, "being with you feels like a dream I never want to wake up from."

you feel your body melt into the backseat, your grip on his bicep tightening as you stare up at him. without knowing what words to say, you choose to lean in, kissing him with as much love you can put into a kiss.

as matthew pulls away with a giddy smile, getting ready to guide you out the uber and into the line for the nightclub - you decide you're ready to tell him how you feel. when you both are back home, you're going to confess your love to him and you think - after this trip - he will feel the same.

you can see the way matthew looks at you, how he touches you and the words he says - you are positive your best friend is in love with you. the thought has you giddy, letting matthew pull you into the club with smiles on both your faces.

a cheerful loud chorus of greetings are thrown in your direction as you and matthew approach the teams occupied table at the back of the club. watching matthew light up at seeing and hearing his teammates reactions to him, instantly had you beaming.

your smile widens as matthew introduces you to everyone - first as a group, and then to everyone individually. he praises you everytime, which has you blushing. and when he doesn't introduce you as his best friend, but rather his girl, you just about melt into the sticky flooring.

everybody is friendly with you, and as you sit between matthew and steph marner, you've never felt more included in a new group of people before. steph asks about anything and everything she can think of, and you answer with just as much passion and enthusiasm as she has. then the other wags chime in and ask you about yourself - matthew smiling fondly with an arm strewn over the back of your chair - it was all you could of wanted.

the first hour is spent catching up and getting to know everyone at the table, laughter and appetizers shared between you all.

it was all going perfectly, and then, "kniesy, does your girlfriend want another drink?" you hear jake mcCabe ask matthew. you tune out amber brodie's words at the question, your heart thumping and stomach churning as you anticipate matthew's gentle correction.

she's not my girlfriend, but she'll probably want another one or we're just friends, but sure.

"hey," matthew mumbles against your ear, "want another drink?"

you smile through your momentary moment of shock, "yea...thanks."

matthew didn't correct the title of your relationship to him.

your smile widens, and you turn back to amber with a new sparkle in your eyes.

the music is a dull thump in your ears, the bass of the song sending vibrations through your body as you sway with the beat. matthew's hands are all over you, sliding down your curves and spinning you around to dance with him. it feels like your 18 again, getting drunk and dancing your nights away at the alchemy.

you think you've been out here for at least an hour, and your feet are starting to ache - but you don't find yourself to care. you can see some of matthew's teammates dancing on the floor as well, laughing and moving with one another a little bit aways from you both.

you still can't believe how nice and kind everyone of matthew's teammates and their significant others are - you hope you see them more often.

you hope you'll be coming down to toronto during the season to watch matthew play this season - sitting in the WAG box and wearing your friends last name on your back. steph has already (very tipsily) shouted about how she's adding you to their groupchat - the rest of the girls agreeing just as loud.

you feel so at home.

matthew's hand slides down over the round of you ass, squeezing the flesh tightly. you're pulled from you own thoughts at the feeling, blinking hard to regain reality. there's a glimmer in his eyes, sparkling under the blue lights and he smirks.

"I want to kiss you so bad," he says over the music, his words hitting the side of your face as he leans down.

thankfully, matthew's slightly hunched position has him close enough for you to be able to turn your head and speak directly into his ear. "kiss me," you tell him, your lips brushing the shell of his ear as you do so.

the kiss is messy and hot. the flavours of your respective drinks mixing on your tongues as they swirl in a dance of their own. you feel matthew smile into the kiss, which has you grinning as well.

somebody hollers in passing, and when you open your eyes you catch sight of mitch and steph behind you - sending you both grins and thumbs up, clearly the two of them for the cat calling moments before.

the combination of being flustered, the kiss and being surrounded of sweaty moving bodies has enough for you to pull away form matthew, swallowing thickly. "I need a drink."

"m'kay," he hums, "lets go back to our table first? then you can sit for a bit while I get us some drinks?"

you grin, nodding in agreement, matthew grabbing your hand and interlocking your fingers, pulling you through the crowd of people and in the direction to the table.

the table is covered in various picked through appetizers, half empty glasses and bottles. there's a few people still sitting around and socializing- mostly the older guys who don't feel like dancing.

there's somebody there you haven't met, a pretty blonde girl who is chatting happily to pontus holmbergs girlfriend near the end of the table.

matthew sees her too, and immediately he tenses, his hand in yours going limp as his body goes still, eyes wide and face pale.

you frown at him, "hey, what's wrong-"

"matthew?" the girl asks loudly, a grin taking over her perfect face as she bounds over to you both. "I didn't think you'd be here!"

the girl hugs matthew's tense shoulder and then...she kisses his cheek- very close to the side of his plump pair of lips.

you stomach falls along with your face. you pull your hand away from your friends, bringing it back to your side just as the girl turns in your direction, arms still draped over matthew's shoulders.

"i'm hayley," she says, "i'm matthew's friend."

matthew blinks hard, turning to you with an expression of guilt and sadness and fear....and your heart shatters.

she continues, "well, we've like hooked up a few times. is that friends, I don't know," hayley laughs, clearly unaware of the growing tension, "anyways, who are you? I don't think we've met."

matthew opens his mouth to speak, but you don't let him and you cut him off with a closed mouth smile, "just a friend from home."

"cute," hayley hums.

you nod, tears beginning to gather along your waterline. matthew watches you with that same shocked look, eyes bewildered and chest heaving. the walls feel like they are closing in on you, and your throat closes so you can't breath properly.

"I need some air," you say quickly and quitley, your eyes downcast as you turn around, darting through the crowd of the nightclub and to the door - leaving hayley, the team and matthew without another glance.

you begin to cry as soon as you step outside. your stomach is sitting heavy in your belly, weighing you down as your insides crumble with disappointment and heartbreak.

you don't know where you are going, but you start walking down the sidewalk. you didn't know where you were downtown, but you knew you couldn't go back inside and watch hayley hang over the man you love - even worse, you can't watch the way matthew lets her.

"y/n!"

you don't turn around, speeding up your walk. you pull out your phone, opening the uber app. you are already planning on getting a ride to the nearest hotel for the night - you'd get your bags tomorrow.

"y/n!" matthew calls from behind you again, "please, don't walk away."

you ignore him.

you can hear his footsteps on the pavement getting closer, and you bite down on your lips to stop the gut wrenching sob from leaving you.

"please let's just talk." matthew says loudly, "why are you so upset? stop walking away!"

you stop walking quickly and turn around forcefully. matthew takes a step back, closer than you anticipated, and stares at you breathing heavily, his brows pulled together as he sees your tear soaked face.

you huff, "you lied to me matthew."

he cringes at your angry tone and the use of his full name. matthew closes his eyes momentarily and takes a deep breath. "I should've said something sooner, I know, but it's nothing - there's nothing going on."

you laugh exasperated, "but clearly there was! fuck, I thought we had no secrets."

"we don't!" matthew sighs, "I didn't feel like it was important enough to mention."

"not important enough to mention?" you repeat, brows raised in suprise. "did you forget that we are having sex, matthew? god, I let you fuck me without a condom when you've been sleeping with someone else! the first thing you should've done was tell me."

"I didn't want it to get blown up like how it is right now," he seethes, "honestly, this is why I didn't tell you."

you scoff, "don't make this my fault!" you tell him roughly. "I don't care that you hooked up with somebody matthew! it's the fact you never told me - even before we had sex without protection. I told you there was nobody else and you said the same," you sigh gently, "janie said it first, last week she said we should of had an exclusivity talk a long time ago-"

matthew squints, "you told janie about us? what the fuck."

"you lied to me matthew!" you repeat loudly.

his expression falls, and he sighs gently, blue eyes meeting the sidewalk under his shoes.

a beat passes between you.

"you're making me feel guiltier than I already feel," he tells you harshly.

you laugh harshly again, "good! god matthew, I can't fucking believe this right now! bringing me here and introducing me to your teammates. the touches and kisses and looks you've been giving me! what you said in the cab! I thought...." you pause, bringing your lip into your mouth.

matthew's eyes soften, "you thought what?" he asks you gently. when you don't answer right away, he takes a step towards you, hand outstretched like he will reach out and touch you.

you shake your head, laughing dryly as another set of tears spring into action, dampening your cheeks. you take a step away from him, ignoring the frown tugging at his lips and the emotions in his eyes. "I thought nothing, matthew." you turn away, continuing to walk down the street.

"no," matthew says, catching up and grabbing your arm, spinning you back around and keeping you in place, "don't walk away, y/n. we need to talk."

you sigh sadly, eyes closing as you desperately try and keep your tears from falling further. "what are we doing, matthew?"

he frowns deeper at your question, his brows drawing together as he looks down at your heartbroken expression. matthew doesn't know what to say, eyes darting between the two of yours in search of some sort of indication- an answer.

"I can't keep doing this. I can't keep lying to myself that I don't want more with you, because it's fucking me up so badly." you admit quietly, salty tears falling down your cheeks and wetting your mouth. you weren't expecting to say that to him - especially tonight. but you were so tired and distraught, your body was tired of fighting for his sake.

slowly, matthew's expression changed, mouth slightly parted as he breaths deeply. "what did you say?

"nothing," you sigh again, "clearly this arrangement we have doesn't work for us anymore. go back inside with hayley, don't let me stop you anymore."

finally, you walk away from matthew. he calls your name once more, but you don't dare turn to look, keeping your eyes on your phone as you order an uber - leaving your best friend and your heart on the streets of toronto.

Epilogue:

you booked a flight home the next morning. you had to use your entire credit card balance, which you would ultimately suffer for, but you couldn't bring yourself to care.

you cried to entire flight home, starring out the small window quitley as music blasted through your headphones - thinking about your fight with matthew over and over again until you landed back in arizona.

as soon as you got the wifi at the airport, you called janie, crying into your phone as you asked her for a ride home. she picked you up, and immediately you told her what happened with matthew - hiccupping through salty tears and laboured breaths.

you were so devastated.

locking yourself in your bedroom as soon as janie dropped you home, not even making an appearance for dinner. you silenced your phone and cried yourself to exhaustion.

you cringe in the early morning sun, tucked solemnly between your fuzzy blankets - cringing further at how stupid you must look thinking that your best friends love wasn't unrequited anymore - that matthew loved you back.

the thought of seeing matthew again seemed taxing - you couldn't see him. not only had you borderline confessed your feelings for him in the middle of the fight, but your heart got shattered in the process.

the look on his face when you said it - makes your stomach churn at the mere thought.

not only was there that heartbreak to process, there was also the whole thing of matthew having a girl in toronto - one that was well enough associated with him for somebody to feel the need to invite her out to the club.

he had slept with her, and then didn't tell you - he kept it all a secret, and when you asked about it, he lied to your face. matthew fucked you without protection knowing that - and he let you believe there was something more growing between you.

sniffing, you sit up in your bed, falling back against the padded headboard with defeat. your gold plated clock sitting above your desk reads 8:37, a reminder of just how early you'd naturally woken up - tear stained cheeks and headache included.

a knock sounds at your door quietly, pulling you from your pity party and a confused frown begins to tugs at your lips. your parents should be at work already, and janie hadn't mentioned coming over. perhaps your mom was home today, or janie was coming to keep you company - you wouldn't of got the message because your phone was still very much silenced.

"y/n?" the voice is muffled through the door, but you'd recognize the sound of his anywhere. after all, you've been replaying anything he's every said to you over in your mind since freshman year.

"y/n? are you awake?" matthew questions again.

you shoot up out of bed, bare feet padding to the closed door. matthew hears the springs of the mattress through the door as you move and the sound of you shuffling towards him.

you don't say anything but matthew had the conformation you're there and awake - all the conformation he needed that you were alive. you hadn't responded to any of his calls or texts - he's pretty sure he even emailed you, desperate to get you to talk to him.

so like any logical person would, matthew hopped on the next flight to arizona, suitcase still in his car while he knocks on your bedroom door.

"can you please open the door? I need to talk to you." he pleads gently.

your voice is shaky, tears of embarrassment and pain threatening to spill. "about what?"

matthew breaths a sigh of relief at the sound of your voice - although you don't sound like you usually do. you sound sad and tired...and that breaks his heart. he sighs again, and firmly asks again, "open the door."

you find your self hesitating for a moment, hand hovering over the bronze knob as you think about what's to come. maybe matthew wants an apology - your hasty exit from the club and making a scene in the streets was embarrassing for him. or maybe he's here to let you down, tell you that you can still be friends, but he doesn't have feelings - or worse, he can't be friends with you anymore.

the unknown is eating you alive, and with a deep breath, you turn the door handle, pulling open the door that separates you from him.

his face changes into something similar to relief at the sight of you, and you look down to the floor, knawing on your lip as you try to stay calm.

"what are doing here?" you ask. you look back towards his kind face, your brows pulled tight as you take him in.

he doesn't seem angry or upset. if anything he looks nervous...anxious even. you wonder if there's a reason for that, after all, he has cut his own trip short and come home to arizona for this conversation.

"did you mean it?" matthew ignores your question, taking a step closer to you. "what you said?"

he has to be talking about your brief confession outside the nightclub during the fight, you think, and you stomach drops. you knaw your bottom lip, further shredding the soft skin you'd been tugging on all night. you nod your head once, so quick you're not sure if matthew even saw.

but he did see it, and he breaths what seems like a sigh of relief, a very faint grin beginning to make its way onto his face. matthew clears his throat, "I did a shitty thing," he starts quietly, his adam's apple with a nervous swallow, "I lied to you because I was embarrassed. I lied because we're not just friends and we haven't been for a long time."

you mouth drops, heavy breaths falling past your lips. before you can even fathom your response, he continues. "I should've told you about that girl, even if I didn't want to. I only hooked up with hayley because I was trying to forget about my feelings for you. I know we're best friends, but I want to be more. so if you really meant what you said the other night, say it again. let me hear you say it again." he takes a deep breath, and an airy chuckle leaves his lips, "and I know this is a lot before 9 in the morning, but I need to hear you say it."

you swallow, saliva thick with nerves. pushing your messy hair off your face, hands desperately trying to keep busy. you don't know what to think. "is this a joke? are you only saying this to make me feel better?"

his brows draw together and he frowns - fingers itching to reach out and touch you. "I would never joke about what I feel for you."

matthew knies confessed he has feelings for you. everything you've ever wanted, everything you've longed for is about to happen - is happening.

"matty," you breath, "I love you and i've loved you for years...and I know that's more than what I said the other night and I hope it's not too much for you, but-"

he kisses you.

matthew holds you close as he leans down to capture your lips with his own, bottom and top enclosing around yours as he kisses like he always does: perfectly.

a moment later, your lips part and breathlessly, he pulls away, forehead resting against yours as you two catch your laboured breath.

"how long?"

"what?" you question quietly.

"how long have you loved me?" he whispers softly.

"since highschool," you admit.

"god," matthew whispers wondrously with a small smile, "I wish we had this conversation sooner....because i've loved you since freshman year. that's why I never had a girlfriend and that's why I proposed the idea of loosing our virginities to one another. I wanted to loose my virginity to you - and only you since the moment we met."

"you've liked me since highschool?" you ask dumbfounded, your pointer finger gesturing between you. "we were both really oblivious, huh?"

"I thought I was being obvious," matthew admits with a laugh, thumb rubbing along your cheekbone.

you shrug, hand coming up to hold his wrist tightly - keeping him close. "well, I think I was the only one being oblivious- janie knew you had a crush on me."

"damn," he smiles, "janie is smarter than I thought."

you giggle just as matthew leans back in, kissing you with as much force he can manage - and this time, you're sure of it - it was love.

───────── ౨ৎ ─────────

[demonsslayersstuff]

Confessions (AOT Men x Reader)

A/N: I’ve found writing head canons to be very enjoyable, so I decided to make one about how the AOT men confess their feelings for you. No major warnings, mostly just fluff. I am working on a Levi drabble, but hitting a bit of a writers block. But hope to post it sometime this week. As always, thanks for the support!

Characters: Erwin, Levi, Jean, Eren, Armin

Erwin Smith:

As I’ve said before this man is busy, so out of all the men, Erwin is gonna be the most direct. Like I have him being so honest that your just there like woah 😳 after he admits it

I feel like later on in the relationship he’d be romantic, but as for confessing his feelings he’s gonna be blunt. “I have feelings for you”, and just patiently waits for your response

Before he confesses, Erwin would go out of his way to talk to you personally, get your favorite drink when you’re having a bad day, and he’d often ask you to accompany him on evening strolls under the guise of going over reports, but in reality he’d just wanted to talk to you

Does a good job of keeping things professional at work, but definitely makes an effort to sit next to you at meals and loves to let his hand brush against yours discretely when he’s next to you

“L/N, can I speak to you for a moment privately?”, you hear Erwin tell you as the meeting adjourned. “Of course sir”, you say as you remained behind watching the others leave. You note a quizzical look on Levi and Hange’s faces, but the door is quickly shut leaving you and the commander alone. You turn to look at him expectantly. “I don’t have much time, so I’m just going to be straightforward”, Erwin begins. “Ok”, you say tone a bit worried. “I like you, I have for a while and well, I’d like for us to be a couple”, he says faster than he normally speaks, not wanting to lose his courage. Your mouth falls agape in shock, but at the same time you feel a tinge of warmth spread across your body, happy at his confession. “Oh shit, did I read things wrong, let me apologize-”, Erwin rushes at your reaction, but you quickly cut him off. “I like you too”, you say, cheeks churning red. An awkward silence befalls the room before you see Erwin smile happy with the outcome of his confession.

Levi Ackerman:

Honestly I see this going two ways because Levi doesn’t let people in easily. Firstly, either you’d be seriously injured, closed to death and it would spill out of his mouth when he realizes he never got the chance to tell you his true feelings

The second way is that it’s you that has to confess first. Like he does things subtly, giving you clues on his true feelings, but you gotta be the one to say it

I see him making you tea the way you like it, without needing to ask you, he just observed you overtime. I could also see him helping you train by giving you more one on one time and idk why by I just see him hovering near you as much as possible. Like not directly, but he’s there in the background, sometimes absentmindedly (not in a creeper way)

After feelings are confessed he’s similar to Erwin in that he keeps it professional. Likes to eat meals with you and often likes to do paperwork with you, so you find yourself in his office quite a bit

You sigh before knocking on his door. Nervousness floods your system as you hear his voice saying “Enter”, tiredly. This probably wasn’t the best time, but you were tired of not knowing if he liked you or not and with Levi, it was best to just get it out of the way now. “What’s up?”, Levi asks as you close the door and walk towards his desk. You stare at him for a minute, losing your confidence for a second. “Erm”, you start. “Out with it, I have a lot paperwork to finish”, he says with a heavy sigh. “IlikeyouandIdon’tknowifyoulikeme”, spills from your mouth at lightening speed, causing Levi’s blue eye’s to widen at your confession. Oh shit, I royally fucked up, you think as you continue to stare at each other. With the bravado completely gone you immediately turn on your heel, rushing for the door. “Stop!”, you hear him say loudly as your fingers touch the doorknob. You hear his chair scrape back, hear his even steps getting closer. “Look at me”, Levi commands with a gentleness to his tone. You look at him slowly. “I like you too”, he says quietly. Now your own eyes widen in shock. You were in for an interesting conversation with Levi that afternoon.

Jean Kristein:

Boy thinks he’s smooth as fuck, but his confession turns into an adorable hot mess. He stumbles over his words and idk why but I see him tripping as he confidently walks towards you

Aside from that, Jean is actually fairly romantic. Like he came prepared with flowers or some cute little gift for you

Before he confessed, Jean’s feelings for you were noticeable. Always quick to sit next to you at meals, wanted to be your training partner constantly. If there was a bit of extra food or bread he’d give it to you

After the two of you are together, Jean finds it hard to keep things professional 24/7. He tries, but he gets distracted by his gorgeous partner. Eventually Levi has to keep the two of you separated on missions and what not. The last thing he wants is for a worst case scenario to happen which I will not name 🤐, but we all know about

“Wait here just a second”, you hear Sasha say, leading you to quiet and nearly deserted corner of the long hallway. “Ok”, you say confused as you watch her quickly walk away. Soon though you see Jean walking your way, carrying a small bouquet of flowers. But before he reaches you, he trips on a jutted floorboard, nearly falling on top of you. “Are you ok?”, you ask him as he regains his balance, embarrassment on his face. “Yeah…uh here”, he mumbles shoving the flowers into your face. “They are beautiful, thanks”, you tell him with a small smile. “No problem, I saw them and they reminded me of you and yeah”, he says, cheeks burning red. “Jean, what’s up?”, you question. “Fuck, I had a different plan for this, but I uhh, I like you a lot, like a lot, a lot”, he tells you, words tumbling from his mouth. You’d never seen Jean so nervous before, it was cute. “Well”, you start before leaning up to softly kiss his cheek. “I like you too”, you whisper. “Wait, really?”, Jean asks shocked, causing you to chuckle. “So are we dating?”, he asks in quick fashion. “I’d like that”, you say smiling, happiness filling your body.

Eren Jeager:

*Listen I love him with Mikasa, but I support my Eren peeps.

Eren’s confession I feel like would be said in the heat of a dire situation or after you do something that completely has him shook to his core, but in a good way

I’m not sure why, but I see him being direct, but an indirect, direct. “Do you like me?” Would definitely be stated by him. He needs your confession before his own

Before his confession Eren is definitely protective of you. He is quick to be on your side in any situation, often sits next to you during meals or breaks, and likes to have conversations with you

After the confession he is way more protective of you. Surprisingly fairly professional at work, but during combat worries too much about you. Similar with Jean, Levi keeps you separated in different groups so you two don’t lose focus

“Walk with me?”, Eren asks as you finish up your meal. “Ok”, you respond, before following him outside to the cobble stone streets. The sun had long set, but the moon offered a small glow of light. You and Eren walk in comfortable silence for some time before he pauses, turning to look at you. “How you do feel about me?”, he asks, his green eyes locking with yours. “W-What do you mean?”, you ask him, confusion seeping into your words. “I mean do you like me?”, Eren questions more directly, causing your cheeks to flush. He’d caught you, apparently you weren’t hiding your feelings well. “I..uh, I do. But I don’t to ruin our friendship, so if you don’t like me, I’ll get over it quickly”, you tell him, with embarrassment evident in your tone. It’s quiet for a second before, “I don’t want you to get over it”, Eren mutters. Shock floods your system, “Huh”, you whisper. “I said I don’t want you to get over it, I like you too”, he says, slightly louder. “Oh”, you respond shyly. Eren reaches down and grabs your hand before the two of you continue your walk, a happy smile on both your faces.

Armin Arlet:

I see Armin’s confession being fairly soft. Even though anxiety is coursing through his veins, his confession is simple and sweet

I see his confession being similar to Erwin’s. Sometimes direct is the best way to handle things and I see that happening with his confession

Before confessing Armin was always quick to talk to you, often wanted to spend time reading books with you and going a long walks together when you had the time. Sat near you during meals and was always to first to offer you a water after a grueling training session

After confessing, not much changes honestly other than the two of you being attached at the hip. Definitely keeps it professional and while he worries about you and you him, the job comes first for both of you

“May I sit here?”, Armin asks, indicating towards the empty seat next to you. “Of course, you’re up early”, you comment as he settles next to you. Other than the occasional older scout veterans, the dinning area was fairly empty. “True, but I wanted to talk to you about something”, Armin tells you, his blue eyes shinning. “I’m all ears, what’s up”, you respond with a light smile. “Well, to be completely honest, I like you, a lot. I like you more than friends and wanted to see if you felt the same way”, he states, voice careful, anticipating your reaction. Your cheeks flush a light shade of pink as his words and you look away for a moment before, “I like you too”, quietly slips out of your mouth. Armin smiles brightly, happy with your confession. The two of you spend the early morning talking softly before your half asleep friends join you for breakfast.

A/N: Sasha representing all of us when our favs confess their feelings for us delulus 😂

[jenyifer]

Pit Babe Ep 9 initial reaction

I wish the music was better mixed why is it so loud?!

Also another issue I’m having why is it that EVERYONE with powers is Tony’s kid. I have a new idea have someone a spy go in get the list of adult Tony kids band together and kill or sue the fucker?

Anyways this show isn’t for thinking it’s for fun.

Let’s enjoy it

They are just too cute look at my fave lesbian representation here. They are both lesbian coded in my head don’t say anything diff. Nonbinary rulers they two of them clueless cute and fashionable

Pete is actually trying to do some good here Babe. Idk what Babe was going to do go up there and get kidnapped? He doesn’t have abilities. He would have just put the kids in more danger. Okay but if Pete is an enigma I won’t mind you know 🙌🏻 but he’s Kenta’s man

The actor for babe really pulled at my heart with how he cried felt extremely real and raw it’s hard to do sad angry I felt like I could feel all his regrets for good and bad times.

Ooooo bad buddy apartment is bringing good luck. You tell him Jeff you are Alan’s boy now uwu

Jeff is the sweetest goodest boy we got because Charlie is too chaotic to live. Alan is getting the best of Tony’s kids

I won’t have forgiven Dean this easily. I also don’t see how racing is of the heart. I was a singer long long time ago now that can use heart. You ever listened to a recording of a song then seen it in concert and the meaning feels different? That is emotion. RM from BTS once talked about how it was a weakness Jungkook has. Jungkook is technically amazing every time but he needed emotion for the song. Idk how you do that with a car though.

But North and Sonic’s outfits10/10 no notes please both come on a date with me. I’ll teach them their ABC’s and how to play the quiet game lmao

Charlie is so death focused it’s time for him to finally self sacrifice himself for Babe. I mean they have only been hinting at it forever? I do like this setting for the confession. It’s a skate park so still wheels and stuff idk it feels fitting this is where Charlie makes the decision.

iconic. Perfection. I’d watch their stream.

Okay soo why would Tony trust Jeff. Jeff runs away all the time. Also Jeff must really feel in debted to Charlie to go along with whatever crazy scheme he’s got when have Charlie’s plans gone right? Never. Gahhhhh Charlie whyyyy

Awwww I did like this racing scene even tho Charlie lost I liked that babe believed in him. It was very nice.

I guess we are going to have kidnapped Charlie next ep and way is going to torture him 🤷🏻‍♀️

I missed having my other fave good boy Kim in this episode. Surely he has family or something back in Korea wondering where he is. He’s too good to go missing.

[monstrouslyobsessed]

…tumblr can you go and soak yourself in a burning pit of hot sauce…i never even got notifs of any of the older asks i got…

so very sorry if you've been waiting for like two months on my answers;;; and here i was wondering how dead my inbox was last month…rude, tumblr, very rude. all the asks are under the cut!

just a quick note, to the super sweet asker who send in two very long asks v recently, ima answer them separately after this one, if thats okay!! <3

tw / tags: dirty confession, monster fucking, breeding mentions, implied noncon, brief pregnancy mentions, long post, beastfolk / beastfolks characters mentioned: lady hyena, the lioness, conservative lion, papa bull, duke, cerelos, father fox, velarius

I love Daddy Bull and Duke, (along with so many other of your works!), do you have any plans on doing a confrontation between the two bulls and the reader? My thirst is dryer than the Sahara for these two bulls. I need more content. I’m a desperate whore… 。・゜・(ノД`)・゜・。 —anonymous

hm i'm STILL chewing on how this saga should go tbf because it really could go any way!!! i might just bite the bullet and write au's of papa bull and duke saga, even if i feel a little weird making varying storyline au's of my characters.

it was just supposed to be a bull daddy enjoying his little human, how did duke end up there lol

I know everyone is dying over Baldur’s gate rn but have you heard of Lustful Desires on itch.io? I just got into it and I’m dying to talk about it. They literally let you have a poly relationship with 3 different werewolves it’s so good —@flameshadowwolf

i've never heard of it! ima have to check it out now, thanks for the rec <3

Sorry if you consider this a request, but I'm very interested about your OC's yandere MBTI types (from @ddarker-dreams), so if you feel like it, can you identify them in this system? —anonymous

i…ah, am kinda bad with these mbti things. idk if its because i'm older than most writers i know (hi lock my love!! hope you're doing fantastic!), but i guess i can make my best attempt…? i'll just pick a few characters and list them for ya. if you want more specific characters or want me to make an official post with expanded explation, lmk and i'll make my best attempt

here's the link for anyone who are interested

lady hyena: reverent, delusional(?), manipulative (?), lenient, rdml the lioness: reverent, aware, honest, and strict(?), rahs conservative lion: cruel, aware, honest, and strict, cahs papa bull: reverent, delusional, honest, and strict(?), rdhs duke: cruel(?), delusional, manipulative, and strict, cdms father fox: reverent, aware, honest, and lenient(ish), rahl valerius: reverent, delusional(?), manipulative, and lenient, rdml

that's just a few! and they're all beastfolks since they're more fresh in my mind, aha. i tried my best hhh

Thirst chat thought: Have you ever thought that Cerelos could just find a way to tie up his wife underneath him as a cock sleeve, gag her, and just walk around a bit for the day doing royal duties and stuff? The man already has a equine skirt he wears, so he can easily hide everything underneath… (Also I’d happily give this man a dozen babies because I am a simp for him 💕) —anonymous

i think i touched upon that at one point! i wanna say he did that during a large meeting, maybe with his darling magically gagged? lemme see if i can find that post…

found it! its super brief but still

well, now i wanna write that…that's one more to my long to-do list, aha.

also you're valid

I am a simple man all I desire is your happiness. Tis all. I noticed you were feeling sad lately and I thought man next time I have extra money I'll kofi MO but recently I acquired a small fortune and I was happy to find a way to repay you for the time my friends and I giggle and go horny over your works Re-Reading your works is payment enough ….but if you wish to repay me I wouldn't mind maybe a dilf monster vampire (kinda like what you did for wolf pack? but Victorian times) or sequel to snake movie star or sequel/prequel dragon But I would rather you do what you are passionate about! Share your creations with the world! Rejoice in your delights! —anonymous

hi i love you and i swear i answered this before

i did the snek boi just for you <3 i hope you (and your friends!!) enjoyed it! he's a difficult boi to get through but i had fun writing him and his weird camera hobby

link: SMILE FOR THE CAMERA

Also increase your kofi goal —anonymous

im…okay. i didn't really have a goal target in mind so i hope thats sufficient??? sdfkdfj

Which of the beast folk are most likely to mate with humans? Like what about big cat beastfolk? —anonymous

it'd be fangedfolk, since they're canine (dogs) and are most attracted to the humans'…hm , simplicity and openness, i suppose you could say? and possibly treefolk (primates). i based my beastfolks' basic common grounds with irl animals, as canines are pack animals and dogs are more emotionally connected to us. as for primates, humans have evolutionary connections, similar social intelligence, and the shared abilities to solve problems and such.

that said, while fangedfolk are the most likely to have a human "companion", they are also most likely to have a poly pack with their human. whiskeredfolk (feline) are probably in the top-middle of that list, if we were to have a most-to-least likely ranking, with toothedfolk (rodents) due to their prey/nervous natures and seafolks (aquatic) on how dangerous/rare they are to communicate with, at the very bottom. the reason why i feel the whiskeredfolk being in the top-middle is that they can be fairly arrogant and being independent, but adores the complete attention their human can give them and how easily they are to manipulate.

that said, this is extremely generalized list, since the list is not really factoring in specific sub-groups under these categories, such as lions being social animals and are more likely to acquire a human lover, cheetahs more likely to need a service human pet to help with their anxieties, maned wolf being solitary type, etc. and other facets, like countries/areas, cultures, when/which eras, political affiliations, etc.

hope this answers your question, love!

Hello, I've been binging your Masterlist and I just want to say your OCS are exquisite —anonymous

i think you're exquisite as well, love! <3 thank you~

Are you eventually going to do more father fox content?? He's my favorite and I love him so much ♥️ —anonymous

ye! i have couple requests for more hcs for him~though they're all kinda pretty broad. if you have anything more specific for a hc request, hmu! i'd love to write a full piece of him someday too, since i think his quietly manipulative personality is fascinating to work with.

Daddy Bull and Duke content soon? I NEED these two fine beasts in my life!!! And can’t wait till the cute baby arrives!!! And hopefully many more…😋🥰 —anonymous

send in a request then~! preferably something a bit less broad, aha, but yes!

i especially would love to write a full story of those two someday, maybe as a book?

Hi hey sorry to bother you, hypothetically if I wanted to make an ai bot of one of your beastfolks, would that be alright? If not I totally understand, I just want to make sure! —anonymous

as long as there are proper credits included, go for it! just please be sure to link back to me if you do make one &lt;3

whewwww, i...really hope i didn't miss anyone. most of them were (or looked like) a request of some kind and two i wanted to put into their own posts for me to answer soon.

hope yall are doing wonderfully and are having at least a decent holiday season!! ima try and get something nice out by christmas so heres hoping!! just...gonna decide on which i wanna do...lol.

[delugyu]

girl i just read pwahh (block me, i dare you), it's SOOO good !!

i want to kiss your brain and shake you like a snow globe bc why do you make me want him soooo bad 😭😭 i love the way you write in general ofc, but your kai makes me really really weak, he's so pathetic (makes ME pathetic, fuck that !!) and sweet... i want to kiss his face and i want his loser dick idc. a little off topic but that drabble with kai was so good too!! i really felt the intimacy of their relationship idk how to explain it, but i loved it hehe

back to pwahh and me losing my mind over kai, the way he's practicing his confession ???? SO CUTEEE and when he starts forgetting bits of it lol lol it's so funny, and yeonjun being the one to tell reader instead fits so well with the vibe of the fic, i was giggling like an idiot at that scene. rereading it, i noticed that when kai asks to hook up she asks him if that’s what he wanted to say ughh, i only realized mc probably knew the second time she asked

also, did you do the birth chart thingy for this fic? i'd love to hear about it if u did !!

astrology anon

ps. can u even block anons? 🤔 *gets blocked*

let out an earth shattering screech when i saw this omg i’m so excited (this gets super long below the cut fair warning)

go ahead and call it pwahh but just know each time i’m reading it as some goofy sound effect… LMFAO no but i’m getting desensitized to it now like it’s starting to look less ugly somehow

YAYYY im so glad u liked it 😁😁 now that it has ur seal of approval i can rest peacefully. actually i never rest and ive already been working on the next fic… does spider-man yeonjun ring a bell LMAO 😇

hehe tyyy 🙈 something really primal comes out of me whenever i write kai smut omfg like i need him to slut me out… he works soooo perfectly for pathetic yearning concepts like he’s the best match ever. dick from a loser will save youuuu trust 🤞 also omg i’m glad u liked the kai drabble cause it still lingers in my mind every now and then, bf!kai is so dear to me <3

pwahh kai is soooo endearing and cute ur so right!! lmao and i actually love yeonjun’s character so much here, idk why but “bro” type characters are literally so fucking fun to write lmao. when i was revising and editing the fic i had to make sure i foreshadowed yeonjun telling mc enough LOL but not tooooo much. YESSS mc asking kai if that was what he wanted to say !!! glad u caught that on ur reread hehe

alright i’m slapping on my astrology goggles now it’s time to get serious!! lemme start with the chart for kai’s character. i’d say he’s a libra sun, scorpio moon, capricorn rising, libra mercury, scorpio venus, and taurus mars. libra suns can be sooo like ditzy and clueless lol in a cute way obviously. and he is so super focused on how he’s perceived by other people—mc, the palm reader, etc—and libras typically have that kind of need to be socially perfect and well-liked. he’s very non-confrontational too, in typical libra sun fashion lol. he’s a libra mercury for similar reasons, but especially that non-confrontational part. also libra mercuries are such sweethearts lol always so nice. his scorpio moon was an immediate “yup this feels right” for me cause cmon that’s like THE placement for repressed and held back feelings 😭 but also he feels things so strongly and deeply, whether it’s embarrassment or happiness or love, which also reads very scorpio moon to me. that goes hand in hand with scorpio venus! love transforms and defines the lives of these ppl. the type to willingly and easily die for their lover, even romanticizing the idea. but yeah we constantly see how strong kai’s love is, to the point of poeticism and near-obsession lol. i gave him a cap rising cause that would put those scorpio placements in the eleventh house, which rules friendship. i just thought it was fitting if he had his moon conjunct venus in the sign of scorpio in the 11th house. like that just screams falling deeply in love with your best friend. but also his cap rising would make sense as to why it’s so hard to get him to crack and show his emotional side. i wanted to give kai an earth mars, and taurus just felt right because taurus is ruled by venus and he’s such a lover boy. so of course sex for him is a really beautiful thing.

mc’s chart!!! she is such a fun personality lol her character is kind of similar to an irl friend of mine. i’d give her an aries sun, libra moon, sagittarius rising, aries mercury, pisces venus, and sagittarius mars. okay so sag rising is obviously because mc comes off as this very carefree and cool individual, who can kinda just talk to and laugh with anyone. that puts her sag mars in the first house, so she’s pretty energetic and down for any kind of action. aries suns are so fun to be around, they’re a little chaotic but so funny, and they don’t take things too seriously. which is obviously true in this case lmao i mean she hooked up with her best friend knowing they’re in love with each other just for the Lolz. aries mercury are so fast with their witty comebacks and jokes omfg i love this placement. but they can be kind of annoying in arguments that’s besides the point though. libra moon cause deep down this girl is a lover!! she just wants to have fun and be with friends and fall in loveee like she’s just a libra moon… pisces energy is definitely weird girl vibes but also i think these people are very cool. like if i saw mc irl id think she was weird and cool, so i had to give her a pisces placement. also her aries placements are in her fifth house which feels fitting cause fifth house is like fun and dating and hook ups lmao.

yeonjun’s chart is so easy to think of cause he’s just the most sagittarius dude you could ever think of. i’ve got a sag stellium myself and let me say SAG RECOGNIZES SAG! yeah so definitely id say sagittarius sun, gemini moon, leo rising, sag mercury, sag venus, and aries mars. all this fire energy makes for a super spontaneous person lmfao ESPECIALLY with that aries mars. yeah triple sag in the fifth house with a leo rising makes for someone who is deeply unserious lmfao. just does whatever they want in life, talk to whoever, say whatever, like literally anything. also fifth house stellium can make for a sleaze and we’ve heard inklings of pwahh yeonjun’s whorish ways LMFAO. i put some gemini in his chart to give him a bit of that air sign ditziness lmfao u can’t be a himbo without some air sign energy. this also puts the moon in his 11th house, which puts importance on friends aww isn’t that cute ❤️ he luvs hanging with kai as we see a few times throughout the fic, and he’ll do lowkey stupid but inspiring stuff to help him out. like telling kai’s best friend he loves her 😭

tysm for reading bae i lurv u so bad… hehe ur reviews always make me giggle and kick my feet

[kzmeru]

Aha I noticed your reqs were open so um... How would you feel about doing a Kaname/Reader fic where the reader is an idol and was a friend/lover of Kaname before the coma, but Kaname wakes up and they're not sure if Kaname would still love them after such a long time... And they avoid him because they're afraid of being rejected, but he still loves them even if they've changed a lot... And Kaname catches the reader later and re-confesses all his feelings to them, saying he doesn't want them to leave, and the reader accepts it.

HWLP ME THIS JS SO LONG . IM SO EMBARRASSING BYE. but if u happen to write it umm I'm sorry 😭😭😭 ahshahjdjs

- 🦦

i’d rather die than have to cry infront of you

# character : kaname tojo

— notes ; HI ! this took SO LONG IM SO SORRY but i hope this is what you expected .. i haven’t wrote anything in a hot min so it’s probably bad </3 BUT BRO THIS TURNED OUT TO BE SO LONG HELP (also kaname edit is by dailykaname on ig)

warning(s) : angst to fluff :3, idk tears are forming as i write this

"Good work, as usual, [Name]." Anzu cheered, handing you a cold glass of water. You could only return a tired smile at the Producer, as you practically chugged the drink down your throat.

Just another performance, is it not? A lump formed in your throat upon the thought of a 'performance'. Perhaps, it was something that you had wanted to stay far away from. Though, in the back of your mind, you knew that you wouldn't be able to, even if you tried.

"[Name]?" You finally heard the Producer's calls after several attempts of trying to grab your attention. Anzu gave you a look of worry, patting your back in hopes of reassurance.

"Ah, sorry… I spaced out. What's wrong?" She shakes her head, guiding you back to your personal dressing room, only to be greeted by a familiar blue-haired man.

That was Anzu's cue to leave. She politely excused herself with a bow and ran off to report the success of your performance.

"HiMERU," You gave the man a small nod. It was difficult to resist — the throbbing pain in your heart whenever you see him. You knew he isn't the person you love, and he knew that you caught on with his 'mission.'

HiMERU played his role as Kaname Tojo, your lover, the one you failed to protect. Though, all this pretending, and tricking your friends into believing that Kaname is well, felt wrong. The guilt was becoming too much to handle.

"Kaname's awake." Was all he said. Nothing else, no other explanation, leaving you in a state of multiple emotions at once.

Were you relieved? Happy? Of course, you had to be happy, right? But… why does it feel like you're more anxious than excited? Is it because it's been so long, that you're starting to doubt Kaname's love for you?

'Right, that has to be it… it has been quite a long time, hasn’t it? There's no way he'd still feel the same.' You thought, words refusing to come out of your mouth while HiMERU stood by the doorframe. He is just as shaken as you are.

"I'm… sorry, I—" Your attempt to leave immediately failed once your gaze locked with those familiar, bright yellow ones. The gaze that made you feel at home.

"[Name]…" Swearing that you heard Kaname's voice crack a little. You were scared, anxious and confused. The look on his face did not help with the extreme anxiety buried in your chest — though, the expression he had was unreadable.

"I have to go…" You simply said, hastily making your way to the other side of the building, in hopes of avoiding Kaname. 'Maybe,' you thought, 'It's for the best.'

Because things can't go back to the way it used to.

—

Kaname was confused, angry — not at you, but at himself. Why were you avoiding him? Why won't you let him talk? Did you not love him anymore?

He felt heavy. Everytime he tried approaching you, he'd be bombarded with excuses. Avoidance is something that he can't handle, especially when it comes to you.

This time, he isn't letting you get away that easily anymore.

"I'm sorry, Tojo… I can’t today. Huh? W-wait, what are you doing?!"

Kaname didn’t fail to catch the flustered look on your face when he had suddenly pushed you inside an empty room. He surpressed his giggle as your expression turned into a look of distress and panic.

"Hey! Seriously, I have to-.." You slowly gave in, growing silent as Kaname's gaze pierced into your soul. Nervously looking to the side to avoid eye contact, and to save you from the embarrassment, you swallowed the lump in your throat and motioned for the boy to speak.

"Why are you avoiding me?" He asked, with a slight shake in his voice. Was he trying to hold back his tears?

"Tojo—"

"No! My name isn't Tojo. So, stop calling me that It's Kaname, call me Kaname!" He snapped, holding you in place do that you wouldn't be able to escape.

"I just want to know why… you hate me…" Kaname looked down, hiding his face from you. He didn't want to let you catch a glimpse of the beads of tears forming in the corner of his eyes. He just wanted to know, why?

You were left speechless. Words weren't coming out, even if you attempted to speak by opening your mouth.

"…I still love you, [Name]. We loved each other! What went wrong…? Is it because I’ve been gone for so long that you found someone else?" Kaname finally found the courage to look up, tears that he had been holding back threatening to drop.

"Do you not love me anymore? Am I not 'your Kaname' anymore? Did you fall out of love?"

"Kaname,"

"I'm not accepting that! I don't want you to leave!"

"Kaname…"

"What? If you want me gone, just say it!"

"Kaname!"

There, he grew silent. He anticipated your reponse, yet, he felt scared. Are you going to leave him?

"S—…rry…" You choked out, letting the trapped tears escape. Kaname was taken aback. ‘I knew it’ he thought.

"I'm sorry! I was scared too… I didn’t know what to do! I thought you didn't love me anymore, so I avoided you to ease the pain…" You weren't even aware of how fast you spoke. It was silent for a while, until your shaking hands were comforted by Kaname's warm ones.

He scoffed, as if he was mocking you. "Are you stupid? I never even dreamt of leaving you!" A single teardrop escaped his eye, making him bury his face against the crook of your neck, his breath slightly tickling your neck.

"I love you." Kaname's embrace still felt so natural. He was warm, and made you feel so… safe.

"Nothing's changed,"

"So please, don't leave me…" He choked out a sob, relief washing all over his body when he felt your body relax against his.

"Please come back to me, [Name]…"

You sighed, placing your lips ontop of his head, giving him a quick peck before completely collpasing on the ground with his body draped against yours.

"I love you too, Kaname… I won't leave you, ever."

[darkmulti]

Yan rm and yan tae + reader + size kink + strength kink (add your own kinks too)

⚠️: YANDERE NAMJOON AND TAEHYUNG, Size kink; dub con, strength kink (? Idk the proper name for it) , double penetration and anal

-> sorry for any mistakes

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“Taehyung! Here!”

You raised your hand and waved it side to side so he that he could spot you in the large crowd

Taehyung finally made eye contact and made his way to you

“Hi, sweetheart. Where’s Namjoon?”

“He’s waiting in the car.” You grabbed his hand and dragged him to the car

You sat in the back while Taehyung sat in the drivers seat and Namjoon in the passenger

“Where we headed?” Taehyung asked and Namjoon replied,

“Let’s go back to my place.”

Namjoon and Taehyung are your best friends

They love and care about you so much

Calling you sweet names, showing you affection, taking care of you, comforting you — you’re so grateful for them

They can really cheer you up even on the worst days

You’ve known them since high school but didn’t really get close to them until you started university

Well, now you guys are best friends and you all look out for each

You adored your friendship so much

You adored both of them so much, but in a sisterly way

While you thought you found honest and trustworthy friends, they were wanting something else from you

Both Taehyung and Namjoon took a liking in you back in high school

It became a competition/bet

Who can win your heart first

They both tried to confess multiple times but you were far too naive to understand

However, they didn’t get mad at you for not understanding

All they needed was for you to be close to them

They’d never let another man talk to you or possibly take you away from them

They were very protective and didn’t like you talking to another male

Whenever they confessed, you always thought they were teasing you so you brushed it off as a joke

Well today, it’ll be a little different

Namjoon was planning on confessing but for real this time

And he was going to do it in front of Taehyung to get his reaction

You guys finally arrived at Namjoon’s apartment, where he set up to ask you out

It wasn’t too much, just some fresh flowers and petals around the house

When you walked in, he grabbed your hand and lead you to the kitchen table while Taehyung followed behind with a stern look on his face

He knew what Namjoon was doing, but Taehyung wasn’t going to let it slide so easily

You sat down at the kitchen table while Namjoon took your food out

“Thank you, Jonnie! It looks delicious!”

“I hope you enjoy it but I also need to tell you something.”

“Sure! Go ahead.” You politely said, while scooping up some mash potatoes

Namjoon then turned to Taehyung and said, “I actually need to talk to her, alone.”

“Why? If you have something to say, say it in front of me, I also want to know.” Taehyung said sternly

You noticed the tension and were quick to say something

“Uh, Namjoon? What did you want to tell me?”

He sighed and took a seat in front of you, reaching out for your hands and holding them

“We’ve been friends for a long time and I adore you and our friendship so much. But, I don’t think I adore you as a friend anymore. I really love you and I think about you all the time. You make me so happy, I don’t think I’d be able to live without you.”

Taehyung grabbed your hand, pulled you up and started walking towards the door but Namjoon was quick to pull you back

“What’re you doing, Taehyung?! You don’t own her, let her answer me first!”

Taehyung turned to you and said, “tell him you don’t accept and let’s go!”

“Taehyung, I don’t-”

“Don’t what, huh? Do you like him Y/N?”

You couldn’t answer

You didn’t like either of them

They were both brother figures to you

You were feeling so much emotion

You were shocked and speechless about the whole situation

“You guys, don’t fight because of me. I- I never viewed you guys in that way.”

Namjoon pulled you to him and rested his forehead on yours

“Can’t you see that I love you so much? I would do anything for you.”

You felt incredibly bad

He prepared a nice dinner for you only to reject him

But on the other hand, Taehyung wasn’t taking his hurt eyes off you either

Namjoon made the first move and started kissing you

You didn’t kiss back because you were too busy looking at Taehyung

Suddenly Taehyung walked over and wrapped his arms around your waist and attacked your neck

You gasped, letting Namjoon’s tongue into your mouth

Taehyung’s slender hand roamed your body while Namjoon kept his hands on your ass

“Let’s take this to the room.”

Namjoon picked you up and continued kissing you while Taehyung followed behind, taking off his jacket

Namjoon laid you on his bed, before taking his shirt off then taking yours off

“Fuck! You look so sexy.” He growled, before pinning your hands down and ripping your bra off

He immediately attached his mouth to your nipple and sucked for a good minute or two before possessively switching over to the other one

While he sucked your tits, Taehyung slid his hand down your underwear and entered two fingers in your wet slit

You grabbed the bedsheets and moaned in pain

“It hurts!” You whined but Taehyung didn’t take it out

“Better get used to the feeling, angel. Cause soon, something much bigger will be replacing my fingers.”

Taehyung started moving his fingers faster while Namjoon marked you all over your body

Namjoon finally got off and took his pants off, then removed your pants too

You were now lying naked in front of them

You felt a little embarrassed but when you tried to cover up, Taehyung wouldn’t allow you

“Don’t, you look beautiful. We’re gonna take good care of your gorgeous body.”

Taehyung pulled his fingers out as Namjoon stepped in between your legs

His length was in his hand as he gave it a couple of strokes

“Ready baby?”

You nodded your head and he pushed the tip in

Tears escaped but Taehyung quickly kissed them away

“Focus on me baby. Don’t focus on the pain. Soon it’ll feel so good.” His low voice never failed to soothe you

He was caressing your cheeks and after a couple of thrusts, you started moaning

Both of them did their best to keep you calm and pleasure you

The night started off soft but close to midnight, you found yourself in between the boys as they both pounded both of your holes

Your legs were wrapped around Namjoon’s waist as Taehyung took you from behind

Both of the boys had so much energy and strength, you were no match

They’d been standing for a little over an hour, fucking you endlessly

You were rolling your eyes back, moaning, crying, screaming, creaming— you were feeling it all

You didn’t tell them to stop, but you were beginning to feel some pain in your lower abdomen

Not to mention how hard Taehyung was going in your ass even though it was you first time

They were so much bigger and stronger than you so it difficult to escape their grip

You’d be pulled back in seconds and fucked even harder if you were to pull away

Finally, 2am rolls around and both boys finish off by coming in you

You were shaking and clinging onto Taehyung who carried you to bed while Namjoon went to get some water for all three of you

Once he came back, you took a couple sips of the water and immediately fell asleep afterwards

Taehyung wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you back, so your back was against his chest

“Guess we both won in the end.”

Namjoon said before closing the water bottle and placing it on the nightstand

“I guess so.”

Taehyung said before falling asleep too

[allisonlol]

green tea and rosehip tea with jouno please please!!

a/n: i got a bunch of jouno reqs (which i love very much) so i’ll just be combining them into one post here!!

rosehip tea; how romantic are they? how do they show affection?

jouno never considered himself to be romantic at all before he met you

but, unfortunately for him, you bring out his softer side

in public, it’s very unlikely he’ll be affectionate towards you

he does have a reputation to uphold, after all

in private it’s a whole different story

can become very romantic if he feels so inclined to be

^will lightly flirt and tease you just to see your reaction

yes, jouno is the type of person who shows affection by bullying you 🙄 the more bothered you get, the better

try to retaliate in any way and he’ll simply mock you with a smile

this isn’t the only way he shows affection, however. he’s always down for innocent physical intimicy as well

really loves to hold your hand?? whenever you’re in reach, jouno will expectantly offer his hand out to you (and you BETTER take it)

plays with your fingers a lot too. if he’s bored, he’ll just start fidgeting with them or tracing shapes on your palm

jouno also shows affection by doing acts of service for you

if you’re too busy with work or whatnot, he’ll make dinner for you and complete any other chores or tasks that needed to be done 

won’t even mention to you that he’s done them 

^you’ll go to wash the dishes and see that they’ve already been finished?? 

idk why imagining jouno doing everyday household tasks is adorable, but it is 

green tea; how do they comfort their s/o?

just a fair warning that this man isn’t the best at comforting

i’d like to believe that he feels some level of empathy so, for the sake of this post, let’s act like he does 

if jouno ever saw you upset, the first thing he’d have to do is supress the rage directed towards whatever it was that made you sad in the first place

if it was a person? best believe he’d go kill them on the spot

jouno truly does try his hardest to cheer you up when you’re feeling down

it’s also one of the only times you’ll actually see him worried 

gently pulls you towards him and asks if you want to talk about what’s bothering you

you’ll end up curling up in his lap and venting about your problems while jouno plays with your hair and offers advice when he can

usually that advice is just “i’ll hurt them for you”

to which you have to reply: “no jouno, they’re my parents 😐”

his sarcastic comments and insults towards whatever made you upset is good for making you laugh tho

coffee; do they get jealous easily? how do they show it?

omg ok so

he’ll never admit it out loud, but jouno can be a very jealous person

^not to the point where it’s crazy overbearing or anything; he just doesn’t like when you talk to certain people for longer than you should

mainly tecchou lmao

all of you work together so interaction with tecchou is going to be inevitable; doesn’t mean jouno’s happy about it tho

once he’s jealous it becomes very obvious

^goes unnaturally quiet while maintaining a very serious & irritated expression

literally: 😑

if anyone tries to talk to him during these times he’ll snap at them (with more bite than usual)

has to practice a lot of self restraint to stop himself from drawing his sword and stabbing it through the chest of the person you’re talking to 

instead, he’ll approach to stand by your side and say something like “y/n, you should come with me. your assistance is needed ☺️💢” 

once he gets you away from the person (aka usually tecchou) he won’t say anything about what transpired so you’ll have to confront him about it 

“soooo jouno, what was that all about??”

this mf will deny EVERYTHING

“i’m not so sure of what you’re talking about y/n. i’ve never been jealous in my entire life...😌”

yea mhm ok 

earl grey tea; how did they court their s/o?

you were the one who had to confess first, i’m sorry 😶

jouno was very well aware of the moment you liked him

at first he probably thought you had a heart condition by the way your heart rate would rapidly increase whenever he was near

but jouno’s a smart cookie and figured out pretty quickly that it only happened when you were aware of his presence

used this to his advantage for awhile simply to torment you

went out of his way to tease you and lean close while doing so just to hear how frantic and erratic your pulse got

at first you thought that was just jouno being his usual sadistic self (and it was) but then you started to suspect that maybe it was possible he liked you back??

it’s funny because, at first, jouno was only teasing you to take advantage of the fact that he knew you liked him

but over time he slowly started to take a liking to you as well due to this

this man PANICKED when he realized he was starting to catch feelings

not that you’d be able to tell, since he still appeared so nonchalant on the surface 

since he always went out of his way to tease you & be in your presence, you took this as an opportunity to confess your feelings since it was getting almost unbearable at this point

knowing jouno, you didn’t expect him to actually ACCEPT your confession

little did you know, this was all part of jouno’s scheme to make you confess to him?? smh

very ironic how out of touch you were with his feelings while the rest of the hunting dogs were busy shipping the two of you-

milk tea; what are their kisses like?

surprisingly soft!!

his kisses are almost always very gentle and uncharacteristically sweet

will lightly hold your face in both his hands before leaning down to softly press his lips to yours

hhjdshjhjhhhhhh i’m malfunctioning

gives you quick kisses on the cheek a lot too

^does this as a way to express “i love you” or simply as a greeting when he sees you after awhile

also a fan of inuit kisses!! where you rub the tip of your nose against the other’s 

his kisses become slightly more aggresive during make-out sessions or...etc 

in these instances, he kisses you much more deeply while keeping a hand on your jaw so you can’t pull away 

[pineapple-lover-boy]

Poly!Fuyuhiko x Reader x Nagito

Request: “I saw you do Danganronpa and idk if this is ok or not but can you do a poly hcs with Fuyuhiko,Magito, and reader???”

Fuyuhiko x Reader x Nagito

A/N: Never thought I wanted this pairing until now lol. Btw with poly ships I don’t it where two+ people are sharing one person. Usually everyone is is with everyone. If you want to request a poly where the reader or someone else is the main focus of the relationship than please be specific.

Warnings: non-despair AU, some non explicit nsfw content at the end

The Beginning:

The only way this relationship started was through you

Both had rather large crushes on you but neither wanted to admit it

Fuyuhiko was the definition of a tsundere

Nagito believed you were too good for him

It was clear how they liked you though

Both treated you better than the rest, albeit reluctantly

You had to make the first move

Of course, confessing to both at the same time wouldn’t be helpful as they weren’t exactly friendly with each other

It would be idiotic to do that

But you were a dumbass said with affection

And here you were

Both we’re definitely confused as to why you brought them to a park right out side of school

What business would you have with the both of them?

When you confessed it came out as a jumbled mess:

“ListenIknowthisiscomingoutofknowherebutilikeyoutwothebothofyoupleaseacceptmyconfession!”

It was just too awkward confessing to the two most emotionally closed off people in your class

Fuyuhiko did not catch what you said and just gave you a weird look

Nagito did

And he giggled

He fucking giggled

“I’m flattered, Y/N, but you have no reason to be with someone as worthless as me. Fuyuhiko would be much better for you.”

“W-what?!”

Now Fuyuhiko was really confused

Nagito turned to Fuyuhiko, “Didn’t you hear her? She confessed to us. I don’t know why she’d want to confess her love to someo-”

You quickly interrupted him before he could continue self loathing, “I know this seems weird. I was surprised when I found out I liked you both too. I figured if I confessed to you two together it would be easier to accept your rejection, or least one of you liking me back. It doesn’t sound as good as I thought it was at the moment but if neither of you like me could we just carry on our day like nothing happened.”

They both stood silent before Fuyuhiko spoke up, “Who said I didn’t like you?”

He whispered with a raging blush on his face

“Yeah, and who said I didn’t like you either?”

Fuyuhiko’s and your face shot up to look at Nagito

“So what do we do now?” You asked

You would have never thought that your crush would be reciprocated twice

Your question was never answered though and all you got was silence

Soon after they two left and after moping for a bit, you did too

What you didn’t know was that they left to have their own private conversation

They wanted to make you happy and if being in a polyamorous relationship was gonna do it than so be it

The Relationship:

It wasn’t clear to you whether or not they accepted your confession until the next day

They would walk you to your classes, sit with you during lunch, and basically just be with your for as much of the day as they could

You may be wondering when their own feelings would surface for each other

That comes at least a few months into the relationship when your all comfortable with each other

You’d notice how Nagito would fuss over Fuyuhiko getting an injury, not even thinking to blame himself in the moment

Fuyuhiko would often talk some sense into Nagito when he later would try to blame his luck

Unlike his usual way of talking, he would try to be a bit softer with Nagito

He knew that being harsh would only make things worse

Let’s go on to the more domestic part of the relationship

Cuddles?

Yes.

It would take some time for both to warm up to the idea but after the first time they’ll start asking for more

Nagito’a the little spoon, you’re in the middle, and Fuyuhiko is the biggest spoon

If Nagito wants to be the big spoon then he’ll have to compromise with Fuyuhiko by being in the middle

If it’s night time when Fuyuhiko’s sleeping and you both wanna change it up?

Let’s hope that Nagito’s luck will help the both of you

It usually does

Fuyuhiko isn’t a heavy sleeper but he isn’t a light one either

You’d have to be careful

Imagine Fuyuhiko’s horror when he realizes either you or Nagito is being his big spoon

If it’s you he’ll just get annoyed

If it’s Nagito, he’ll start to feel his manliness get threatened

Bitch what??

He’ll try to push the skinny boy off but if he doesn’t relent or starts shaming himself for even thinking of it then Fuyuhiko will easily stop, get comfy again, and just grumble into your hair as he holds you tighter

No one can come after you

You got bullied? Fucking obliterated by Peko best girl no one can change my mind

Someone is being petty towards you? Nagito’s pettier

Once a kid bumped into you really hard, where you fell, but didn’t say sorry or help you up

Nagito was there and destroyed them with his words

They felt like pissing themselves and a terrible human being

Fuyuhiko got really angry when hearing about it later

You and Nagito just put your heads on each of his shoulders and your arms around his waist he stopped

He just froze and calm down

Think of Lilo putting the flowers on Stitch

That was him with you guys

In the bedroom (nothing too explicit unless requested):

Fuyuhiko wants to be the dom

Really really wants to and thinks that you and Nagito will submit to him

But, oh how he was wrong

Nagito is the true dom

He wants you and Fuyuhiko to be happy with him so if he’s asked he’ll be the bottom

But when he slammed Fuyuhiko down onto the bed and started talking dirty to him-

You? Weak in the knees and begging for him to do the same to you

Fuyuhiko? Red in the face and if Nagito starts playing around with him he’ll start whimpering

Nights like those where Nagito goes full dom only happens every so often

Fuyuhiko needs his manly boost so he dons most of the time

He’ll mostly be trying to pleasure you both at the same time without short circuiting is own brain

He doesn’t talk too much except for some comments here or there

When he’s had a rough day he’ll be the opposite though

Degradation master

If it’s more of a romantic evening though he’ll be lighter with how he speaks

Aftercare is the best

Depending on who was the top that day, they’ll be the ones taking care of the rest

Fuyuhiko rests for a bit before getting up and cleaning everything

He gets water for the both of you and either leaves if he has business or falls asleep

Nagito will do the same except

You guessed it:

✨self loathing✨

Then it becomes aftercare for him as he talks about how he doesn’t deserve you both and how your too good for him

You get the idea

Just pull him down and either cuddle him or kiss him to shut him up

Overall:

It’s a fight for who’s the man in the relationship with Fuyuhiko and Nagito

If your a man or not, doesn’t matter

They see you as someone they want to love and protect

But no matter what, this relationship is about cooperation and self love seriously Nagito

I hope this was good! If you wanted something specific about the relationship please request again. I’d be happy to write some more about them!

[elysianslove]

Hello! I know this may not be your thing but I decided to give it a shot, if not no biggy!

I was wondering if you would be interested in writing Gojo and/or Sakuna with an asexual lover? (One that doesnt feel sexual attraction but doesnt mind kissing and cuddling etc and loves physical affection but nothing beyond that?) And like, how a relationship with that kind of person would come to be?

Because Sakuna and Gojo both give off *he totally fucks* vibes.

So how they ended up with an asexual lover would be interesting, maybe the MC rejects their advances because fear of being hated for being Ase? Because they know that the other person definitely fucks.

How would their relationship work? How would the guy react/comfort the MC.

(Maybe it ends with a epilogue with no sex(as in penetration and blowjobs to be exact but mc later in a relationship would be willing to do things like handjobs and other hands on/Using toys to pleasure their partner because they cant in that way) but lots of passionate makeout sessions/kissing/sucking and worshiping the mc's body? Especially the collar bone)

If you arent into it that's cool! I totally get it!

This is pretty self indulgent after all ahahaha it's hard being an asexual in fandoms lmao.

hi my love!! okay to start off, i’m really honored you sent in this request to me. idk just the fact that you’re trusting me with it is really sweet hehe. i’m fairly knowledgable about sexuality but i don’t like to write about things i’m not 100% sure about because i don’t wanna risk doing anything wrong or accidentally offending you! but!! thank you for going into detail with the request, and i hope this is what you were looking for, and that i didn’t do any mistakes <3

i wrote headcanons so i can go into detail and write for both!! 

some nsfw under the cut, my loves! <3

ryomen sukuna 

i’d say, to begin with, it would take a small while for sukuna to even be accepting of his own feelings towards you. nothing having to do with your sexuality, just you in general, specifically that you’re human and so different from him. i don’t think sex ever crosses his mind, at least at the start, because he’s too busy being really angry over the way he can’t seem to control his reactions to every little thing you do. so he himself won’t actively work at starting a relationship with you.

but he will realize, over time, that you’re not doing anything either, even though he’s been noticing that you’re not pushing him or his advances away. like any act of protectiveness that involves him physically touching you intimately, you don’t reject, and you’re always ready to retort at any quip he had. he could tell that these feelings he had for you were mutual, he was just so confused as to why you weren’t doing anything about it.

sukuna’s a thousand year old cursed spirit. he does not know shit about sexuality. i think the way he’d look at it is fuck who you want and fuck who you like. i feel like nicki minaj’s said that before, has she? he doesn’t like thinking too much about it, you know? 

his confession would probably be a kiss because words? he doesn’t know them. when he feels you return the kiss he’s, deep down, elated, really, and this is simply because of his naturally sexual personality, he starts hinting at more, until you stop him. he’s really confused because you just kissed him back? you’ve been kissing him for so long why do you want to stop now? he can see the fear steadily growing in your eyes and he’s even more confused now he’s just. humans are so weird. 

when you cautiously tell him, “i don’t want to go further than this. is that okay?” you look like you’re waiting for the world to erupt in your face. he just frowns and shrugs like, “yeah but that’s not the point. do you not want me?” 

it takes about an hour and a half for sukuna to properly process what you’re saying. at first he’s so thrown off by it, not by you! he just can’t process the fact that someone doesn’t feel any sexual attraction towards someone or doesn’t crave sex at all. it’s not that he’s rude about it, it’s just a really foreign concept to him, you know? when you add that it’s just sex, and you’re okay with a lot of other things, the gears in his brain finally start working again and he just goes. 

*shrugs* ok. 

literally lmao. like i said earlier, sukuna doesn’t give a shit like whatever do what you want. 

because of the rush of emotions he’s feeling towards you, and the fact that this in itself, a relationship, and a relationship with a human too, he doesn’t really focus on the fact that he might want more from you. he’s easily satisfied with a lengthy make out session, and he admits it to you every time he sees you get a little anxious or unsure of yourself. 

however, his needs do grow with your relationship. it’s kind of clumsy, your transition into a proper long term relationship, especially with sukuna, but you two make it work. 

you agree to try different ways to pleasure him, even if he kinda rushes through them because he’s generally just excited to have your hands on him. at first he’s content with anything you’re offering, but it makes him feel kinda useless when you won’t let him touch you and you have to remind him that your needs are different than his and that you’re sated differently.

i see sukuna as a curious and experimental guy, so he would definitely let you use toys on him. nothing too extreme, because he still needs that sense of control, but you do use some toys like a fleshlight or a vibrator to rile him up. he likes using your hand too, because it’s always so soft against him and it feels a hundred times better than any toy. he learns not to overstep any boundaries though, and not to do anything that might make you uncomfortable even if it takes him a little longer. like i said, the whole idea is just different to him, so it takes him a while to understand, and he’s still learning as he goes!

he loves your make out sessions, especially after you establish your boundaries and your limits and what you’re willing to do for him. he absolutely adores leaving your skin a sky of blue, pink and purple it sends chills down his spine marking you like that. he’s always touching you all over, and just loves to grab and knead at your skin. 

in the proper long term, he doesn’t mind it at all tbh. the two of you develop a system, and he’s okay with it. the same way you would never cross his boundaries and force him to do anything he doesn’t want, he’d do for you too! it really never truly mattered, and it truly never will.

gojō satoru

different from sukuna, i think gojō would definitely be knowledgable about things like this. idk he just seems like the kind of guy that’s innately so aware of everything around him, and can read people exceptionally well.

he probably picked up on the fact that you weren’t comfortable with sex, or just didn’t experince sexual attraction, on his own, but never really brought it up because it was never his place. but the same way he picks up on that, he picks up on your obvious crush on him. he pays both details no specific attention until he starts to realize his own feelings for you, and begins on his subtle advances.

he tried to make his advances as sfw as possible, you know? just in case his suspicions were confirmed to be true. he was just extra flirty, sometimes touchy but never in an inappropriate way. very subtilely like always having your shoulders or knees touching or dusting of your jacket or feeding you a piece of his food. cute little things like that.

he gets super worried when he notices you start to distance yourself from him, because he can’t imagine what he might’ve did to push you away. he overthinks a little, worried that he overstepped his boundaries or made you uncomfortable in any way, but he isn’t afraid to approach you about it, to make sure he doesn’t repeat his mistakes, especially with someone like you, who he’s slowly growing more and more infatuated by. 

when you admit to him you’re asexual, he realizes he was right, but then he’s like, “and? did i do something?” and now it’s your turn to be confused because here you were worried about rejection but here he was worried about you? 

this specific incident is what makes you let loose and finally just freely admit your feelings for him. he’s ecstatic about it, seriously! all that’s on his mind is that he gets to go on a date with someone he really likes. sex is the last thing on his mind, and yeah, you’ll eventually have to talk about it, but not for now. it’s for later, when things get a little more serious. 

they do get serious, to both your delights, but the dreaded moment is approaching you. gojō definitely sits you down and says, “we’re only having this talk so i know never to do anything outside of your limits. everything about this relationship is 50/50, and i want to know ways to make you feel good, too.” 

please sir your hand in marriage.

i definitely believe gojō’s a kinky guy, and is more than willing to try out literally any sex toy you pull at him. genuinely, he’ll try anything you wanna try. if you ever offer a handjob, he’ll ask a million times over if you’re sure. usually, he likes to just do it himself, but have you there next to him. he won’t touch you, but your hands will be in his hair, and you’ll be kissing his neck, or just murmuring how much you love him in his ear, just spurring him on. he knows the last thing on your mind is anything sexual, but there’s just something about being under your watchful, almost bored gaze as he fucks himself.

anyways before i get too into it lmfao, he loves kissing you. loves loves loves it. not even full blown make out sessions, just gentle, serene kissing. he can kiss you for hours. 

he is also incredible at body worship and praise. paints your pretty collarbone pink and purple, whispers about how you’re perfect for him, describes all your features to you like poetry. he’s an incredible lover, really. nothing can make him fall out of love with you, absolutely nothing. 

[bakugohoex]

hii !! idk if you've done this but uh what about a reader who has toga's body transformation quirk,, and uses it to transform into someone from the bakusquad to get info out of katsuki (like to see if he has a crush on them) ?? idk it sounds fun hehe

“you really think i wouldn’t recognise you”

pairing: katsuki bakugo x female reader

cw: language, kissing and fluff

word count: 1200+

a/n: hi i hoped you liked it and this is the first ever time i’ve done a transformation quirk (i was about to right kink whoops) but yeah hope you enjoyed it as much as i did writing it

summary: in which you have a transformation quirk and whilst trying to find information from bakugo about his crush, he reveals his love for you but most importantly how easily he could see past your quirk

↞ back to my hero academia masterlist

Mina had stopped by your room after having a long revision session with Denki. You knew the instant she said Denki and revising in the same sentence that they got nothing done and she wanted to instead gossip with you.

You had been watching some anime already having revised for the day but had had to pause it due her barging in. She collapsed on your bed and began to vent about life and the hero course. Before speaking about something that caught your ear.

“Wait what?” You closed your laptop, the hoodie you wore encasing your frame.

She looked up confused already having forgotten what she said but remembered at how you had gone wide eyed, “Bakugo, i over heard him talk about some girl he liked.”

Your heart ached; in an instant your head went through all the girls Bakugo even talked to. You hadn’t seen him talk to anybody but Mina, yourself and Ururaka but even then, he only remembered your name.

Or was it someone he used to know in middle school. “stop worrying about it, you could always use your quirk and become Kirishima or someone to find out who it is.”

“But then I’ll feel bad.” It was a low whisper, but she raised an eyebrow at you glum look.

“Go, I’ll distract Kirishima.” She got up walking out the door and you knew that you now had to do this.

You followed in suite, thinking of justifications if he ever found out. You could always just say it was an accident but hell who would believe that.

Having always crushed on the boy, who wouldn’t with his flashy quirk, his looks and even with his personality you could see something more through the anger that made you fall for him.

You saw Mina talking to Kirishima, a sly wink on her part. Grazing past him you accidentally touched his arm, he hadn’t noticed but, in an instant, passing the window.

You had become an exact copy of the boy, his quirk and all. You have never transformed into Kirishima or a male for the matter, it felt weird with a dick, but you tried to forget it was there.

You wanted to try the quirk but knew you had little time. Seeing Bakugo sit on the couch, arms sprawled out as if he owned the place. His legs were inviting, and you wished to just place your pretty self on his thighs.

You sat across from him, “where the fuck’s the drinks?”

“We ran out.” You lied easily, he scowled chucking the empty can into the bin as he grumbled. “Back to what you were saying before, about your crush.”

“It’s not a crush.” It was a growl, and he could sense something off, you had sat down eager to hear more even though five minutes ago the real Kirishima had just said to confess and left to get drinks. “She’s just in my head.”

You tilted your head another movement Bakugo had never seen Kirishima do so unironically. “Who was it again? I seemed to have forgotten.”

“I never told you who it was in the first place.” It was another grumble but Bakugo acknowledge he wasn’t talking to Kirishima.

The only person he knew he could be talking to was his crush herself. He smirked looking at the red haired, “didn’t you say you snuck into Y/n’s room last night.”

“What?” You shouted which gave him more evidence that you weren’t who you said you were. You regained your composure, “i mean, no i don’t remember saying that.”

“Oh it must’ve been shitty Denki then.” He paused looking at his alleged friend, “she probably enjoyed spending time with him, she could’ve spent time with me instead.”

“Why would she want to spend time with you?” Your eyeline moved to his arms and veins that were rigid and rough and all on show.

“I can’t get her out of my mind.” In those words everything clicked it was a confession but the way he looked at you in his best friends body it was something else. “She’s got a shitty quirk too.”

Anger pierced through you at the last comment, “you don’t need to be such a twat.”

“Me, a twat, come on Y/n.” He had a smirk plastering his face, “you really think i wouldn’t recognise you.”

You signed undoing the quirk and making you transform back into the hoodie and face. “It was an accident.”

He scoffed, “come here.” It was a command which you obliged to ease the tension. Instead of sitting beside the boy, he grabbed your hips putting you onto his thighs that you had ogled at in Kirishima’s body. “That’s a shitty excuse, if you wanted to know that i liked you, i was going to ask you out anyway.”

“I didn’t.” You didn’t meet his eyes sitting on his thigh you could see the imprint of his cock through the grey joggers.

“So you don’t want to go out tonight, maybe I’ll ask ro...”

You interrupted the boy, “don’t.”

It was almost a plea to not say something like that, to not disregard you. “I wouldn’t.” It was a calming tone, and his hand was on your back. “Your quirk would’ve worked if you knew how to speak like Kirishima.”

“I’ll have to spend more time with him to learn how to get your secrets.”

“You could always spend that time with me.” He grumbled.

You finally met his eyesight; his piercing red eyes were enchanting, and it felt like being fed an eternal hope. “I would like that.”

“It wasn’t up for debate shitty woman.” You smile at the loud boy, bringing your hand to his cheek. It was soft against your palms and he sort comfort in it.

Even with his callous nature he was comforted and less insensitive to you. He turned his face to kiss your palm and, in an instant, grabbed a hold of your waist making you turn to face him directly.

His arms underneath the hoodie as you felt the shock of his quirk hit your sides. He captured your lips as your hands went into his hair a soft moan erupting from your mouth. His tongue moved at the third moan moving along with your own tongue. It was fast and almost erotic but pleasurable that it made you feel in paradise.

He bit at your bottom lip whilst letting go, feeling how numb it had gotten between his teeth. Your forehead leant against his own, feeling love come from both ends. “Kirishima was right.” He spoke aloud.

“What?” You questioned.

He looked into your eyes bringing you closer onto his thighs, “he said I’d get a kiss from you if i asked you out.”

You rolled your eyes before laughing at the boy, “they’ll be a lot more.”

“I don’t expect anything less.” He smirks tilting his head to go in for another kiss.

Mina and Kirishima had heard it all and even if Kirishima was annoyed you had transformed into him he was more annoyed at seeing himself and how he looked. Complaining about his hair and clothes, Mina laughed at the boy smirking at the relationship she had helped to form.

i’d really appreciate if you guys could leave a like, reblog or comment, thanks x

if you guys want to be a part of a tag list, just reply to any post and i’ll add you xx

@samusimp @alainarose13 @crispychannie @underratedmage @jennammaee @cathy8taffy @sugacious @moonlightaangel @kat-sukis-hoe @effmigentlywithachainsaw @swankiifiied @maat-the-prescriptive @missmultifangirl @tvwhoresblog @kuroos-world @chrrylevi @ukaisgratefulwhore @answer-the-sirens 

[ri-ahhh]

can u just give me mushy gushy shit with grayson like ethan has a girl over so the two of you decide to go out for a burger date and a walk at night? idk something like that pls 👉🏻👈🏻

A/N: I couldn’t even tell you how long this has been sitting in my drafts but I was looking through trying to find something to finish bc I was in the mood to write but not from scratch and found this lol. It was about halfway done and I have no idea where I was going with it but this is what it turned into as of today. Idek if there’s even anyone around here anymore to read this but whatever haha here it is.

You don’t usually mind being single. Even when your best friend/roommate Stella started seeing her boyfriend Charlie seriously, it didn’t give you any longing for a relationship of your own.

But there are some nights where you feel down and you just can’t handle it. The scenes of casual intimacy as soon as you get home and see them together — the vase of flowers on the kitchen island he must have brought over; the playful bickering across the room.

The incessant, unrelenting sound of a marathon session going on through the shared wall of your and Stella’s bedrooms.

You groan and turn the volume up on your AirPods, going straight to your messages next.

Wyd?

{G} 👀

Don’t be weird.

Pretty sure Stella and Charlie are trying to put a hole in the wall w her headboard and I can’t take it anymore.

Your roommate chooses that moment to let out a particularly enthusiastic “fuck!” If she weren’t your best friend, you might have given in to the urge to bang on the wall, but your phone lights up with Grayson’s reply anyway.

{G} E too.

{G} I mean like I can’t hear him but ik what’s going down in there

{G} I’d offer to pick u up but sounds like u need to get outta there lol. Meet me here?

You like the message and slip on some shoes, making sure to slam your bedroom door closed on your way out, as if it would make them pause even one thrust.

In the year that you’ve known him, Grayson Dolan has become one of your closest friends. The kind where you met as acquaintances, never talked much, but then you reconnected randomly and the conversation never stopped from there on. You talk about anything and everything, but recently you’ve bonded even more about being a perpetual third wheel. You knew he’d understand and not pass judgement on you in times like this, so it had been a no-brainer to text him as an escape from tonight.

He buzzes you into the gate when you get to his house, and he tells you over another text to go ahead and hop in the Porsche before he even gets outside. It makes you smile; night drives are your favorite, and while the Tesla is a vibe in its own right, there’s just something calming about someone (your attractive friend, no less) tangibly driving you around. It’s exactly what you need right now, no matter what destination he has in mind.

When he slides into the driver’s side not even a minute later, you’re almost overwhelmed by him. Looking far too good in your eyes for how casual he’s dressed in a well-fitting T-shirt and some grey sweats. Hair slightly damp from a recent shower.

He greets you with a grin and leans over the console to kiss your cheek, and you can smell the combination of his shampoo and a bit of cologne. You always appreciated that he doesn’t overdo the fragrance, and if possible it makes him even more intoxicating at times.

“Hey,” he says simply, sitting back in his seat and fastening the seatbelt.

“Hey.” You smile and watch him with a silent but fairly obvious appreciation as he reaches a hand to rest on the back of your seat, twisting the bit he needs to look out the back windshield. The Porsche has a backup camera, obviously, but he’s a cautious driver to a fault and insists he doesn’t fully trust them.

Grayson gets the car facing enough of the right direction to throw it in drive and exit down the long driveway. You shake your head and settle back, kicking off your shoes with a sigh and tucking your feet onto the seat beneath you.

“One day, we’ll be the ones making them leave the house,” he jokes, stopping for the gate to open.

You know it’s implied that he’s referring to the two of you with separate people, but you can’t help but consider the option that the two of you could make that happen together.

“I know for a fact you have a booty call list a mile long, Dolan,” you say with a raised brow. Despite the fleeting thought, keeping things lighthearted and platonic is much easier to deal with in reality. “You could have called one of them and done just that.”

He scoffs and pretends like you’ve just hurt him deeply, slapping a hand to his burly chest to clutch at his heart. “Excuse me, it is not a mile long.” He glances over at you with a held-back smirk. “A couple hundred yards, tops.”

You throw your head back with a loud cackle, looking out the window now as he turns onto the main road. “You’re incorrigible.”

“Damn, that’s a big word.” He likes to tease you about your extended vocabulary.

“Hopeless,” you elaborate, crossing your arms and rolling your eyes.

“Is that what that word means, or are you making fun of my high school dropout vocab?”

“Both.”

You let your head roll back against the headrest, turning to watch him, knees swayed to the side a bit. His form isn’t hidden in the dark at all, features lit up by the dash in front of him and the streetlights you’re passing by outside.

“Why didn’t you, then? Call one of them?”

Grayson shrugs. “Just didn’t really feel like spending time with people tonight.”

You’re silent for a moment and consider his answer. “Why did you agree to hang out, then? You didn’t have to.”

His eyes never leave the road, but you see the veins in his hand gripping the steering wheel bulge out for a moment as he squeezes it tightly.

“I guess I meant I didn’t want to spend time with people I don’t really care about.”

Your heart skips a beat, but you play it off with a sarcastic tone. “Aw, you care about me?”

“Of course I do,” he replies easily. “I’m not sure why, though. You’re so fuckin sassy sometimes.”

“You love it.”

The car rolls to a stop at a red light. Grayson’s hand slides from where it’s lightly gripping the gear shift, to yours, which is picking at a loose string on your leggings.

Your easy smile at the comfortable banter between you and Grayson falters some in surprise, but you let him turn your palm over and trace the lines of your hand softly. Both of your gazes are fixated on the way he tickles your skin when he says, “Yeah. I do.”

Your eyes shoot up, just in time to meet his. He looks at you with a weird mixture heat and vulnerability, and there’s a thick moment of silence, no longer than the single beat of your heart that you can hear thudding loud and clear in your ears, when suddenly the car behind you lays on the horn.

Both of you startle, and Grayson’s attention returns to the road ahead. He steps on the gas and takes his hand away, carding it through his hair roughly as you sink back into your seat with a disbelieving scoff.

“Oh my God, dude, you can’t just do that to me,” you blurt out, your heart in your stomach and your brain even lower. A helpless giggle escapes you, and you tug on your own locks. “Shit...”

“What?” he asks defensively, but you hear the tiny bit of the grin he’s wearing in his voice.

You turn your head to deadpan him, eyes wide. “You can’t just... imply something like that and give me sex eyes and not think you did something to me! Are you crazy?”

He gives a one-shouldered shrug with the arm resting on top of the steering wheel again. “Maybe. You’re proving my ‘sassy’ point all over again.”

“Oh my — don’t fuck with my head, Gray.”

“Hey.” His voice is deeper, more serious as the car comes to another stop. You’re only just now realizing you’ve reached the burger joint, and that the late hour made finding parking a nonexistent problem. He puts the car in park and unbuckles his seatbelt before doing the same to yours. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to fuck with your head, I promise. I just... didn’t want it to seem like I was coming on too strong too suddenly. I, uh, have a history of doing that.”

You stare at him, processing everything. “I know.”

He chuckles dryly. “Yeah, I know you do.”

There’s more silence. That heavy kind that happened right after his little impromptu confession.

“You know,” you finally speak up, finding your voice after mulling over your words, “I kinda love that you’re a douche.”

He looks a little taken aback, until understanding dawns on him, and his eyes light up in a way that has you smiling instantly with him. “Really?”

You nod. “Call me crazy.”

Grayson shifts closer in his seat, his pink tongue darting out to lick those plump lips. You mirror him, and this time you take the initiative to reach out for his hand. It’s warm and strong, just like the rest of him.

Like earlier, you watch your hands lightly caressing each other as you speak. “And I love that you come on strong. And that you put your heart out there.” You interlace your fingers, immediately in love with the contrast of his huge ones between your slim ones. “Makes things way easier for me.”

He grins wide. “There’s that sass again.”

You bite your lip through your smirk and tug him close to you with your clasped hands, your free one reaching behind his neck to drag his lips to yours. “Mm. Better shut me up, then.”

[inb4belphienaps]

serein

warnings: dialogue and musings, lots of introspection idk word count: 1132

“Why won’t you kiss me like you do in your dreams?”, he asks.

I stare at him then, trying to turn the words over in my head before looking away. My gaze instead lingers on the wall, on the patterns and textures of the paint, and how dull they appear.

“What do you mean?”

The question itself is meaningless. Just a way to keep the conversation going so that the air isn’t stilted.

“You haven’t kissed me once in person.”

He takes my hand in his and brings it to his face, splaying my palm against his cheek. When he speaks again I feel his voice reverberate in my very bones. He sounds sad. And curious too, as if the solution was only a whisper away.

“Truthfully?”

I caress him, tracing his jaw and I watch his eyes close as he nods.

“I’m afraid.”

Those eyes open once more, and I gaze down at him. They glow with reverence in the darkness of the night, illuminating his features that much more. Those colors paint the scene and meet me with intrigue. Pure violet and magenta, electric purple and something tinted in fuscia. Gorgeous. They blended so wonderfully into one another, so completely that it was hard to tell which color predominated.

“What are you afraid of?”

His voice is soft, uncannily calm and steady. Perhaps it merely seemed that way because I was anticipating his reaction. Still, it gives me comfort – to hear that familiar tone and to see him evidently unreserved. And by doing so, he becomes the antithesis to how I feel in this moment.

“Of me?”

I shake my head as he continues to hold my gaze, getting lost in the warmth and softness of his skin, how it feels underneath my fingertips.

“Humans are funny creatures. We’re easily overwhelmed by our emotions.”

He remains quiet, opting to kiss the tip of my thumb. Even that sends a shiver through me. I can picture myself walking along the ledge of a tall building with the way my heart is racing. One wrong step and it would all be over.

“I’m afraid that if I kiss you, I’ll continue to fall deeper and harder for you.”

He smiles, and his teeth shine in the low light. Suddenly, I can’t find the strength to look away.

“Is that it? Is that why you’ve been trying to avoid me?”

“That’s the gist of it, I think…”

I feel him press his lips against the inside of my wrist and memories of times we’d shared through our dreams come filtering into my peripheral like droplets of rain. Things I’d done. Things I’d said. My self-control hangs by a thread, and like a cat with a toy dangling in front of it, he tosses it around.

There’s a thin sheet of glass separating the two of us, so thin in fact that I can almost touch him.

“What else is there?”

“You tempt me.”

His grin widens, and I feel the familiar flutter of butterflies in my stomach. His presence pulls me. It turns me into a puppet whose only purpose is to be strung along and made to dance.

“Far too often and without a second thought. I don’t think you realize just how much of an effect you have on me.”

“What do you expect? I am a demon after all.”

“But you’re not always using your powers, are you?”

There’s a pause, a silent acknowledgement of the weight my words hold. He is beautiful. A mirage bathed in bewilderment. His scent intoxicating. A sweet poison, invisible and lethal and irresistible. He is a creature of sin. A concept I cannot fathom and yet I know that I am a part of the problem. If I had the strength to cut off these strings, would I be able to stand on my own?

“I don’t have to”, he whispers. “Even now, I can hear your heart racing.”

I can feel it quicken the very moment he mentions this. How he knows and listens. He wraps his arms around me, resting his chin against my stomach. How every fiber of my being sets aflame with his touch.

“So you must know, where this fear stems from, I mean.”

“I can take a guess.”

He takes a deep breath and I find myself mirroring him. He’s cool to the touch, as he preferred to be to spite the nature of demons. Except…the only one melting in the other’s embrace is me.

“But I want to hear you say it.”

The heat of embarrassment creeps its way up my neck and I realize that my fear is a little unfounded. Based solely on my own preconceived notions and it all seems so silly, so trivial. This was reality.

“I’m afraid of hurting you.”

He laughs. It was expected and yet it startles me because it’s genuine. He’s amused. As if he can’t believe what he’s hearing despite my confession.

“And I’m the one with the horns.”

“What does that matter?”

I find myself becoming indignant. There were too many things to consider, weren’t there? Did he truly understand? I’d been certain before we’d had this conversation. Doubt begins to set in as I try to recall which of my thoughts he’d been privy to come nightfall. When the quiet linger of sleep would keep us tied.

“I suppose to you it doesn’t.”

“That’s true”, I murmur. “It doesn’t matter.”

He sighs. His breath tickles. I see the concern on his face, the way he debates his answer and like a ripple on the surface, the clarity that flickers across it.

“You won’t hurt me. I won’t let you.”

My hand moves on its own, stroking his hair. Soft locks that shine with an aegean hue and those tinted ends that reflect the light. Picturesque and timeless. It’s odd. How vividly in detail I can recall his features. How they seemed to have seared themselves into my mind.

“Likewise, you won’t let me hurt you. We’re the same, you and I.”

Perhaps we’d shared too much during those twilight hours. Perhaps we’d become all the more entwined by doing so, unable to distinguish our own entities as separate, as individuals.

Perhaps, we’d become one. No longer would we have to be wary of tipping the scales when we were perfectly capable of maintaining an innate balance.

“You trust me, don’t you?”

“Of course.”

I take his hand and rest my finger on the center of his palm.

“This. This is where you have me.”

He pulls me in for a kiss. I almost hesitate. Then I feel his lips on mine – familiar and foreign, like something from a distant dream finally rooting itself in the present.

“And this is where you’ll stay.”

“Yes”, I concede. “Always.”

[tommybaholland]

Hiya! I was wondering if I could request a one-shot with Sugawara where the reader is his best friend and secretly loves him but he doesn’t know? Then maybe another person catches his attention and the reader starts to distance themselves from Suga to try to spare themselves the hurt? Then maybe turns out the other person was just using Suga/wasn’t serious bout him and he realizes that the person he really loves is the reader but now they’re staying away from him and just angst and fluff and dramatic confessions?? Sorry if it’s far too much detail, I get carried away. Your writing is amazing, keep up the fantastic work!

somebody, some body

featuring: sugawara 

goddddd i’m so sorry i am late with a post AGAIN. this has been way overdue to be posted actually, and last night i finished it and was almost done with editing but accidentally lost everything i added and edited in the draft :// so thank you for being patient with me! this ended up being pretty long, so hopefully that makes up for the wait :) anyway, i really liked this idea! i have a little personal experience with this kind of situation, so it was fun to explore those feelings a bit. thanks for requesting and enjoy!

you didn’t always know that you would be in love with koshi sugawara. your dynamic was always friendly, and nothing more. so where did you go wrong?

when you think back to your history with suga, you could never find yourself resenting any time you spent with him. it all started when you moved into his neighborhood and as a shy child, you didn’t have the easiest time making friends. but he was a kind boy who was around your age and made it easy for you to form a bond with him. after all those years, neither one of you had changed that much. you were still reserved at heart but, he was the one who pushed you to things that you both could enjoy. 

one is joining the high school volleyball club together. you weren’t usually one to go outside of your comfort zone, but with him, you felt like you could do anything. he had you fuel your enthusiasm and you had him to thank for that. volleyball ended up being a great idea because it was quite a versatile sport that anyone could play. you found that you were quite athletic and took a liking to the libero position. there was just something exciting about digging a ball off the ground and rolling on the floor to get back up again. also, it looked pretty cool. 

so that was great until you hurt your shoulder during a game, which ended up being more severe than it seemed. now you couldn’t lift your left arm very far over your head unless you wanted to dislocate your shoulder again. it was already a tough recovery period because all you wanted to do was get back to the game. 

he was there with you for the entirety of it and even though he mostly encouraged you, he had to make sure you knew you wouldn’t do anything to hurt yourself. you felt helpless. it was the lowest he had ever seen you and he did everything he could to lift you back up again.

that was something you could never take for granted with him. 

the thing about you and suga is that you were in constant contact, especially during school. if it wasn’t sending each other funny memes or tiktoks, you were either on snapchat with each other or texting. sometimes simultaneously. 

are you alive?? 

yeah i’m awake, unfortunately

what do u want sugar-wara 

whoa how are you up this early lol and sugar is my thing ok

let’s go get sweet buns before class

ur right, it is ur thing. ur sugar-wara

okay i’ll meet you by the light in 15 

there was a lonely intersection in your neighborhood with a red stoplight that seems to have malfunctioned and now the light never stops blinking. you and suga lived on the same street, with the intersection being a perfect place to literally meet in the middle. 

“hey, sugar-- uh oh. someone doesn’t look so sweet today!”

he was always so peppy in the mornings. 

“yeah, well, maybe if someone didn’t wake me up with their annoying texts..”

“if you really don’t want to be woken up, you’d put your phone on do not disturb. you can thank me later for being your alarm clock.” 

he gave you a bright smile and a few head pats before you set off down the road to your favorite bakery which happened to be on the way to school. you didn’t go every morning, but most days it was necessary for you to start your day off right. 

“how’s the team looking this year, mr. vice captain?”

“pretty good, actually! four first years joined the team and one of them’s over six feet tall. our blocks will be unstoppable!”

 there were several things you loved about suga but, if there was one thing you enjoyed most, it was hearing him get psyched about volleyball. even though you couldn’t play anymore, his undying enthusiasm for the sport made you feel like you were living through him vicariously. 

“and there’s one who’s on the shorter side, only a little taller than noya. but he seems to have so much energy and drive, it’s just-- i don’t know, i have a feeling we could actually make it to nationals this year.” 

“wow, that’s great!” 

“you should come to practice and see them! also we just got asahi back so i need to make sure my sets really land.” 

“kou, you know i love watching you guys but isn’t that what kiyoko’s there for?”

“well, yeah, but you know how i play best!”

“yeah, sure. it’s not like i have anything better to do.” 

“you never let me down!” 

 his smile never let you down. 

it was your senior year of high school and it felt like things were going to be nothing but great.

“so...speaking of you knowing me best,” he started rather hesitantly.

“what would you do if i...made you dinner?”

“i...what?”

“oh, uh, oh, no. not, like, i make you dinner but, like...rei finally agreed to come around tonight and i thought i’d make something for them.”

“oh, um,” you tried to force a smile. “yeah, i think they’d like that.”

“yeah? you don’t think it’s too cheesy or anything? we haven’t hung out very much but i’d thought it would be a nice way to show them that i mean what i feel, you know?”

“yeah, yeah! that sounds perfect, kou..”

if only they knew that they were so lucky. 

you knew about this person, rei. they were your teammate and even a friend at one time. they transferred to karasuno during your second year and you bonded over your shared interest of the libero position. they didn’t get to play much that season until you got injured and had to quit playing. 

to see them fill that position so easily, it made you feel so type of way. a way that suga couldn’t know because even though he was there for you, he couldn’t deny his feelings. you remember when he told you that he liked them. about how he’s liked them ever since they came to karasuno and about how he was nervous to talk to them. 

and guess what?

you encouraged him. you encouraged him to try to pursue someone who you knew and liked, so now you had to hide that you were envious of both their position on the team AND the fact that your best friend is in love with them. 

at first, you tried to look at it as a positive point. you were still friendly with them, but volleyball was the only thing that connected you so you didn’t talk to them that much anymore. but now that suga, the person you’re closest to, was talking to them, it opened up the possibility that you would be able to reconnect with them. you had to be supportive. you were his friend, his closest friend, after all. 

-

the next morning you didn’t wake up from a text from suga. no, it took several snooze buttons to wake you up, which already put you in a bad mood. 

it’s ur turn now. are u alive??

i actually woke up to my alarms, how weird. u must be dead lol 

also have you done the english assignment yet? i need serious help >_<

you weren’t afraid to double, triple, even quadruple text him because more often than not, he did that to you. sometimes he’d even send longish paragraphs as he did later that day when classes had already started. 

hey sorry today has just been filled with fun and thriving and good stuff! rei asked me if i wanted to meet up with them before school last night and they made me some sweet buns and they were soooo good. i think we’re going to eat lunch together with some of their friends from vbc. ugh english sucks for me too. idk why you think i’m good at it

you almost jumped at the gesture to reply. it was never this long that he would go without text you at least one dumb thing. 

haha it’s okay don’t be sorry! so i guess last night went well?

also ur great at english sugar-wara what r u talking about??

it surprised you how quickly they seemed to become so friendly. it was kinda weird that he would already be spending a lot of time with her and now meeting all her friends. he probably already knew of them though, with volleyball and everything. the thoughts of how long you would have to wait for a reply crept in your mind, but that was quickly erased by an elapsed period of only a few minutes. 

yeah it went great! they had never had someone cook for them before, so they really liked it. this morning they told me they’d show me how to make fried eggs bc i said i dont know how to use a stove lol 

wait you made a whole meal for this person and u don’t know how to use the stove??

i used a crockpot and microwave ok :// don’t make fun of me dingus 

well a stove would definitely broaden ur horizons lmao that’s nice it went well though 

thank you i hope its going well 

that conversation was truly the end of the beginning. 

Every day after that seemed to happen the same way. you’d wake up, no text from suga. he hadn’t even replied to what you last said the previous night. you didn’t see him much either, but you knew who he was with probably. you would still stop by at volleyball practice where you did get to see him but they were there also. so you found yourself dipping out a lot more. 

it just felt weird. seeing him talk to someone he didn’t even know before. they didn’t even know him. even when you two were on the team together, they never once showed much interest in him and now it just seemed strange that they would. 

the transition was particularly difficult for you, as much as you didn’t want to admit it. one night you were so overwhelmed with work because you had waited too long to do it. frantically texting suga was an understatement. 

you knew you couldn’t put all your reliance on him but it was weird that he wasn’t replying on a school night as he was just as much a procrastinator as you. you dragged yourself through the night, trying to put together a somewhat coherent speech for english the next day. which, again, started as it had for the past few weeks. you still hadn’t heard from him, but it doesn’t even matter anymore. by the time he replied, it was almost embarrassing on your part. 

oh my god y/n i’m so sorry i didn’t reply sooner. i tried to get all my work done early so i could hang out with rei last night and i was asking my mom for advice and she told me to just pay attention to them as much as possible so i just wanted to be with them, you know? but i really hope you didn’t beat yourself up too much about it and that you got at least a little sleep. i’m sure your speech went well :) 

you sounded desperate for his help and meanwhile, he’s genuinely trying to show someone how much they mean to him. could you look any more stupid? 

you didn’t even want to reply but you felt like you had to. 

no don’t be sorry koshi! if anything i’m sorry i was just super frustrated in the moment and didn’t know what to do. i managed to pull something halfway decent together i think so it’s all okay now 

was it okay though? 

that was when you realized that things would never be the same. you’re his best friend and that’s simply it. you mean something to him, but not the same something that they mean to him. you couldn’t go to him when you help because then you’d be taking his time away from someone who wanted to feel that special meaning. it was a hard pill to swallow, for sure. but there were still several questions that lingered in the potential of what your relationship could be.

isn’t it possible to be both a best friend and a partner at the same time? you didn’t see any problem with it, so why couldn’t it be true? 

-

two weeks past and suga, your best friend, decided to let you in on some news. 

going up against all these powerhouse schools is definitely tough but it’ll help our team in the long run. we’re really amped to play seijoh soon but also i have an s/o now who can come and cheer us on 

WAIT you guys made it official?? when?

haha we’ve been official for like two weeks now 

oh well that’s great! 

(what the actual hell.)

months went by and you saw suga maybe two or three times. and only saw him, usually with the rest of the volleyball team or with rei and their friends. you texted now and then but it wasn’t the same. you had to accept that it wouldn’t be the same, so you did. you had a good group of friends who you spent more of your time with, as well as trying to focus as much as possible on school. entrance exams were coming up and you couldn’t let this be your downfall, even though you and suga had previously talked about possibly going to the same college together. but that wasn’t important anymore. 

you had your priorities and suga had his. 

which was the biggest reason why you decided not to go to the game against aoba johsai. you told him that you would try to make it, if schoolwork and college prep courses would lend you the chance. you were just trying to focus on yourself and work hard in on your own. you still texted him just to show that you still cared. 

sorry i couldn’t make it to the game! how did it go?

we lost :’(( we were so close too 

oh no :( i’m sorry kou. but i know you guys will get them next time!

he never replied, which only made you want to grow further from him. 

summer vacation rolled around and it was about a month out from suga’s birthday. a strange text appeared from someone you didn’t expect. 

Hey so I wanted to get manga for suga for his bday but I cannot for the life of me remember which ones he has so can you try to casually ask him which ones he has? like the next time you guys talk about manga or something?

you felt weird that they were asking for your help, considering that they now spent more time with him than you did. but you weren’t going to completely ignore them either.

to be honest we haven’t talked a whole lot lately but i’ll try to subtly ask him 

Okay awesome thanks!

what were you thinking of getting him?

Deathnote lol nothing original

hmm maybe the new aot volume? 

Yeah, that’s a good one. Or maybe BNHA

yeah that too! do you still want me to ask him? 

Yeah could you? 

yeah sure!

Yay thanks! 

okay i’ll let you know what i find out

going through with this was even worse. if it were you, you’d take him to see his favorite artist in concert. he wasn’t never much of a concert guy but he would talk about how badly he wanted to go see them live. or a more lowkey and personal option would be to customize a crewneck for him. you had a knack for designing and decorating plain-looking clothes and he would try to do it himself but would always remark how much better yours always turned out. 

but this time you’re simply the messenger and wouldn’t get that chance to get him something you know he’d love. not that he wouldn’t like manga, but it just seemed like they weren’t putting a ton of thought into it. maybe you couldn’t blame them though, it had only been a few months that they had been dating. 

that conversation honestly seemed more out-of-the-blue than anything, but you were hoping that suga would be as oblivious as ever. it didn’t even matter in the end because he never even answered your subtle way of asking. you didn’t feel like double texting because a.) you hadn’t done that in months and b.) it seemed too obvious. 

in the end, you did all that you could do and told rei that you had no information to provide, even after a week had passed. that was your, now monthly, interaction with suga that month. 

but it wasn’t like you weren’t thinking about him. 

your interactions moved from text to strictly snapchat, where you would hold streaks for considerable amounts of time. but every time you seemed to break contact with him, you found yourself blaming them. but you couldn’t blame them. they were with him, dating him. they had a right to claim a spot by his side. you had learned to pull back and just live your life. 

but life didn’t want you to have a great time either. albeit through a simple app like snapchat, he was the one asking you if you were okay. at this point, you would probably just deflect but somehow, you found yourself telling him about how you didn’t do so well on your entrance exams, despite having done what you could to prepare for them. you just thought you were so focused to do well, but maybe it was too much focus. you told him it would be alright. another notification came through.

snapchat from sugar wara  

you opened it to a selfie of him, one that was angled upwards to position him looking right up into the camera, his wide hazel eyes being the centerpiece of the photo. the caption simply said, “promise?”

and that was when it happened. you felt something different in your heart like it was knocked around in your chest. you smiled at the simple response and replied, “yeah i promise!!” 

it felt strange, but you finally admitted it, 

you were in love with koshi sugawara. 

timing was, without a doubt, a demise in all of your previous relationship endeavors. you could never seem to get that part right, also coming in too fast or not knowing if you should wait. you had only hoped that someone you liked would like you just as much. so catching feelings for someone, strong feelings at that, was not part of your current life plans. let alone with suga, someone you were, at one point, extremely close to. 

you know so much about him and what scared you was that your confession would be the only one that could mess up whatever relationship you had left with him. why couldn’t you just enjoy where you stood with him? why should your selfish feeling have to get in the way? 

stupid was an understatement as you how you felt. he was still dating rei, and that didn’t look like it was going to end anytime soon. you didn’t know what to do or how to cope. you can fight your feelings, but they can’t change right away. and for as long as you’ve known suga, the history you’ve shared with him, it seemed like these feelings weren’t leaving anytime soon. 

you spent the next couple of weeks trying to get everything out, while simultaneously trying to forget. you vented about it to your friends and while most of them offered advice, you stuck with just remaining stagnant. one of them suggested that you confess to him but that was what you feared most: that your feeling would become so overwhelming that you had to do something impulsive to relieve them. he would probably never talk to you again. there was nothing you could do. he was in a relationship with someone he really likes. why would you try to ruin that for him? 

you didn’t go to any of the preliminaries, mostly because of prep courses and trying to prepare for the next round of entrance exams. you still kept up with suga and saw that they won in the game against seijoh and we now going to the finals against shiratorizawa. you swiped up on his story and typed a simple, “omg that's amazing!! see I knew you guys could do it.” you continue to scroll through your phone, not thinking that much about it until a notification popped up.

sugar wara is typing…

snapchat from sugar wara

yeah it was great! Wish you could have been here though :(

me too! college prep courses seem to have been taking up all my time :P

is there any chance that you could try to find time to come to finals? 

we've been trying to get all the support that we can

plus it would be nice to see a familiar face there :) 

yeah i'll see what i can do to try to be there!

 wymd a familiar face? hasn't rei been going to the prelims?

they have been but we actually broke up about two weeks ago

i sort of initiated it but i promise it's okay

your eyes almost fell out of your head when you read that 2 weeks ago you were talking about how you were in love with him and were and decided to accept that it wasn't going to happen. now you're hearing that at the same time they had broken up? It seemed odd and... bittersweet. 

oh no i'm sorry kou :(

you bit your lip as you couldn't help but ask.

wdym you initiated it tho?

so kageyama has been killing it as our setter especially with his quick attack move with hinata 

rei was worried that i wasn't being treated fairly bc i'm a senior and vice-captain and all that. i tried to reassure them that i just want to see our team thrive and go to nationals but they still were worried about it and would talk about how they would go to games and never see me play once

it's been hard especially that it happened right before the seijoh game and now before finals

yeah i'm sure it's been difficult 

but don't beat yourself don't blame yourself so much! the team needs your support just as much as it needs players. nobody could replace that :)

thanks y/n :) i appreciate you so much

although you thought you would be happy, you can’t help but still feel weird about this whole thing. you felt like the ball was in your court but your bum arm couldn’t receive it properly. your feelings for him had been strong and you felt like you had to pack them all the way so now it just felt wrong to let them flow out again. but now that there was no conflict of interest, did you have to hide your feelings? 

it was more complicated than it was before. you didn't know how anything was going to play out at all and that kinda scared you. you did know one thing though, and that was how to be a loyal friend to suga because that's all you ever were from the start and that's what you could and would be for the future.

-

it was the friday before the finals game. 

you decided to stay late after school to maximize your focus on studying. it seemed to have worked because the sun was going down before you knew it. you wanted to get ahead on work so you could go to the game tomorrow. you and suga had been talking more recently and while it wasn’t as much as it used to be, it was more than it had been in the past several months. 

you quickly gathered up your things and left school for the night. the pretty orange and pink sky lit your way home through the quiet town and into the residential parts. at that point, the dark had met and light and-

“y/n! hey, wait!”

you turned to see none other than suga, jogging up behind you to catch up. you smiled at his sudden presence, looking past him to see the small group of the rest of the team. 

“hey! funny seeing you here.”

“yeah, haha,” he chuckled, catching his breath from suddenly running a considerable distance. “are you going home?”

“yeah.”

“can i walk with you?”

“of course.”

great! so i’m guessing you stayed late at school? you’re still wearing your uniform.”

“oh, yeah,” you affirmed, looking down at your monotonous outfit. “i just wanted to be all caught up on work and studying so i could go to the game tomorrow.”

“oh, yeah? that’s good to hear! yeah, we were-- we just had a late practice. coach left before us but we wanted to stay a little longer.”

“i hope you guys win tomorrow, it seems like you’ve been working really hard.”

“yeah, i hope so too. we’ve come a long way in such a short amount of time, it just feels like we can’t stop now.” 

you nodded in agreement. there was a beat of silence just then, and while it wasn’t awkward, it felt like something was lingering in the air.

“so, um,” he spoke up after several seconds. his eyes met yours and you felt that pang in your chest again, quickly looking away. “it’s been a while, huh?”

“yeah. yeah, it has, i guess,” you laughed lightly. you reached the intersection with the never-ending blinking stoplight and you turned around to face him.

“but i guess i’ll see you tomorrow, right?”

“yeah. yeah!”

“okay, get some sleep. goodnight.”

he nodded and you grinned at him before turning around to walk the rest of the way home until his voice stopped you again.

“hey, y/n?”

“yeah, kou?”

he looked down and all around, anywhere but your face.

“i, um, i know things have been kinda weird between for a while but it’s made me realize that i missed you, a lot.”

“yeah, i missed you, too.”

“but it’s also made me realize that i enjoy spending time with you and talking to you. like, even now, just talking to you makes me feel-- i don’t know. it makes me feel at ease like i’m home. and i’d really like to spend more time with you because i, um, i really like you.”

“you, you what?”

“i really like you, sugar.”

in all the ways you had imagined this happening, you never thought that you would feel your face fall to a frown, your heart beating in your ears. something just didn’t sit right with you about it.

“i, i, i don’t know what to say...”

“it’s okay if you don’t! i just wanted to tell you.”

“but why are you telling me this now?”

“do you-- do you not feel the same?”

“no. no! i’ve been wanting to hear you say something like that for so long, it’s just. you broke up with rei not too long ago and-- i don’t know. something isn’t right about it.” you shook your head, unsure of what you were trying to say.

“it’s how i feel,” he shrugged. “i just wanted to tell you and have a good feeling to hold onto to make tomorrow a little easier.”

you looked at him in disbelief.

“oh, so you think you can confess all that to me right before this big game and that i’ll automatically reciprocate those feelings when you just broke up with someone not even a month ago? i’m not a second choice--”

“no, sugar, listen, that’s not how i meant it at all--”

“no sugawara.” those words made him go quiet instantly. you never used his full name, there was always some sort of play on it, so this was serious. 

“maybe that’s not how you meant it, but that’s how i’m taking it. i’ve been wanting to tell you for so long how i felt but i wanted to respect your feelings so i didn’t. so please, respect mine. i’m not the good luck charm that you can just confess to and expect that it’ll all be okay. this just isn’t right. i’m sorry, koshi. 

your voice broke as his name left your lips, tears beginning to fall. you didn’t even give him a chance to respond, a rush of adrenaline telling you to quickly turn and get out of there. 

-

you didn’t get much sleep that night. 

it was hard not to think about your conflicted feelings over suga’s confession. you had hoped for that moment for a long time but the timing simply wasn’t right. how funny and ironic is that? you thought your timing was off. maybe you were meant for each other in that way. you couldn’t help but let your feelings get the best of you and you were beginning to become what you feared most from him. you thought he would immediately reject you and make you feel bad about ever saying anything about how you felt. but the roles are reversed and that was the part that blindsided you the most. 

you didn’t think that how you reacted was wrong but you also couldn’t imagine how he was feeling right now. he just wanted to feel good right before a big game but that backfired right in his face. some might call it karma, but part of you thought he didn’t deserve it. 

the pressure was setting in as the game went into the fifth and final set. what made it worse was kageyama wouldn’t be starting that set, his nose bleeding from the spike he took to the face. suga was genuinely thrilled to be a teacher, a mentor, and a support system for his fellow teammates. he didn’t mind that another, rather talented, setter had joined the team because that meant he wouldn’t have to worry about passing the position over to someone who he thought didn’t deserve it. 

he almost forgot he was actually a player on the team when everyone looked to him to fill in. this was his moment and it just happened to be at the most overwhelming part of this game. Both teams were tired while simultaneously running on pure adrenaline to see who was going to come out on top. 

suga had an opportunity, not only to start the set but be the trailblazer for their success. 

the nerves set in as he held up the paddle with the number nine on it, kageyama holding it up with him for a moment. It was symbolic in a way. suga always thought he’d be passing the baton to him, his successor as karasuno’s official setter, but this felt just as sentimental. Suga hadn’t played much this season but he got to watch the team grow into something that it once was: something great. They’ve had their share of loss and strife but it finally seemed like they had come so far and the only direction they can go is up. 

the nerves set in as he looked around, anywhere to ease them. His eyes automatically went to the team banner, black with the simple word ‘fly’ written over it, where all the school and their supporters were watching. he went down the line quickly but the wave of a hand caught his eye. his eyes shifted back and felt that familiar grin on him.

it was you. 

“c’mon suga! You can do it!”

and so he did. 

once the final ball hit the ground, the room was quiet with shock. it had been tight for most of the game but no one really expected this outcome. they were going to nationals. daichi, suga, and asahi embraced, taking in the satisfying feeling of victory. 

after the awards ceremony, you were buzzing with excitement for them, trying to calmly follow the rest of the crowd out of the gym. you could tell they were somewhere along the hallway as another crowd formed to congratulate the winning team. you weaved in and out of it, even getting on your toes to see if you could spot a familiar head of gray hair. 

you finally caught a glance at him from afar, his smile growing as his eyes locked onto yours.

“y/n!”

you mimicked his expression and found your feet moving quicker than your brain could process. he put in the same amount of haste to meet you in the middle. you both stopped at about an arm’s length away from each other. his flushed cheeks and slightly red but glistening eyes held your smile as you decided to speak first. 

“hey, kou.”

“hey, sugar.”

another minute couldn’t be wasted as you finally crashed into one another. it felt better to hold somebody that you knew and genuinely loved. you could be sure that he felt the same way as he held your body tightly against him. 

heyo haikyuu night! send any requests right here..

[letshaikyuu]

How does the pretty setter’s will confess to their s/o

💟 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐞𝐬𝐬 - 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐲 𝐬𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 // 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬

💟 𝐚/𝐧: limiting to 5 pretty setters because that’s what the rules say :3, and yes, I have Ukai for my hoe @ukaiwachin and Kozume for my other hoe @briswriting cause I don’t write for them enough

💟 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠: just fluff, we all love fluff <3 Semi’s a bit sad ngl

💟 𝐧𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐠𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

«───── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ─────»

💟 𝐨𝐢𝐤𝐚𝐰𝐚 𝐭𝐨𝐨𝐫𝐮

He tries to be obvious, yet subtle at the same time? The way he’s constantly interacting with you and reaching out to you - whether you need some help or not - makes you wonder: “Oh, maybe he does like me?” That’s actually one of the little ways he’s confessing to you, by always being there for you!

He wants to go all-out when confessing to you, but if you’re not that type, then he keeps it to a bare minimum. Asks you out for a simple hangout/study date and tries not to give anything away. With him, he brings flowers, a cute love letter, and balls because he wants to chicken out last minute-

Once he sees you standing there, he forgets everything he wanted to say. He’s so starstruck by your beauty that he doesn’t know what to do. He gives himself a small pep talk and tries to focus on the task at hand - confessing to you. Over a nice cup of tea or coffee and a cute dessert to share, Oikawa starts spilling his heart - and coffee - out to you while trying not to stutter much

He’d definitely have a huge blush on his face and he’d cover his face because ‘that was so uncool and embarrassing,’ but when you return his feelings, Oikawa will be the happiest guy alive. Wearing a huge grin on his face, the whole coffee shop will be blinded by him because he’s shining

Definitely calls Iwa when he’s on his bed - squealing like a toddler and giggling like a mad-man - and tells him how the date went. Iwa is tired but happy...but still, very tired...

«───── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ─────»

💟 𝐚𝐤𝐚𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐢 𝐤𝐞𝐢𝐣𝐢

Seeing Keiji slowly break out of his shell is the most amazing sight ever. He knows you’re special to him because he notices himself doing things he usually never would, and thinking about all the little things you do that he loves and would spend an eternity looking at 

He has this habit of saying: “I don’t usually do this,” when you comment during an activity Keiji and you are doing together. And, truly, he doesn’t do this with just anyone - he does it with you. You’re the one who is making him love a new side of life, and Keiji will be forever thankful for that

He’d confess in a really simple setting and I wouldn’t be surprised if he does it out of the blue because it just feels right. He thinks that you can’t really pinpoint the right time and place to confess to someone, so he just goes with the flow and waits

You two would be enjoying one of your favorite activities together and taking a break, just enjoying each other’s presence. Mindlessly talking and changing subjects, he’d stop at one point and gaze at you. The way you’re excitedly talking about something, your eyes bright and wide, and the way your skin is basking in the sun is enough to make Keiji fall in love with you even more

“I love you.” It was hardly heard, but you wouldn’t miss it in the world. It wasn’t a picturesque setting or scenario, but it was enough for the two of you. Cue Bokuto crying on the phone because he missed it and didn’t take any pictures 

«───── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ─────»

💟 𝐤𝐨𝐳𝐮𝐦𝐞 𝐤𝐞𝐧𝐦𝐚

It’s hard for Kenma to love, but you somehow managed to break his walls and have him fall in love with you. He’s confused and doesn’t know what to do - especially if we’re talking about his high school days - and will contact Kuroo for help. He knows you’re different, but how and why?

Once things are crystallized, he knows that he needs to do something before all his plans fall through. His ways of showing love and care are the sweet, yet silent ways. He is always keeping an eye on you, even though his phone is in his hand. He is willing to change his route back home to accompany you to your house. If you blink, you’ll miss it, but Kenma truly loves you and cares about you

If you’re a fellow gamer, he will be sappy and shy, and during one of your games, he’d slip in the chat with a short: “I really like you.” That’s it. That’s the tweet. And then, he suddenly disappears because he did not just do that. But, he can’t help but feel this overwhelming feeling of love grow in his heart watching you sent text after text saying how you return his feeling. Kozume truly did it.

On the other hand, with someone who is not into games, he’d keep the confessing simple, but also cute. Why do I keep thinking about Kenma confessing over text idk, but I am going with the flow and listening to my brain.

“I like you.” Mind you, he will do this during practice breaks because that’s when the adrenaline is high and he basically goes ‘fuck it’. At least it worked-

«───── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ─────»

💟 𝐬𝐞𝐦𝐢 𝐞𝐢𝐭𝐚

His tsundere heart doesn’t know how to comprehend this newly found information. He feels like he’s never truly ready to love someone to his hearts fullest extent, yet, he wants to confess and show you how he truly feels. He is just scared of being heartbroken and losing a piece of his heart yet again

But, he is not very subtle. He’ll ask you questions like: “Why are you single?” ”I’d never believed someone like you.” ”I’m sure many people want to date you.” Little by little, as his feelings for you, continue to grow, he is more open when it comes to his own feelings. They’re too overwhelming and he needs to let them out

His confession would come from a rant or a really emotional conversation he’s having with you. You do know you’re special because he is telling you about his innermost feelings. He tells you how he’s scared about something:

“What are you scared of Semi?” You’d ask and wait for an answer, looking at his slumped shoulders. He looks up, evident sadness in his eyes as he takes your hand in his, gently rubbing the top. His eyes never left yours as he quietly said the next words: “I’m afraid that you don’t love me back.”

His confession is not your typical confession. But, at least he muttered out those words. The relief Eita feels when you return his feelings is enormous. Maybe, just maybe, something good is finally happening in his life. Trust me, he’d treat you like royalty because Eita is not letting go that easily

«───── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ─────»

💟 𝐮𝐤𝐚𝐢 𝐤𝐞𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧

“I’m too old for this.” First thought coming out of his mouth as soon as he realizes he is truly falling in love. For someone we would say has the experience and knowledge when it comes to confessing, Ukai is confused. How do people do this again?

How Ukai shows you he cares? He’s always circling around you and watching out for creepy people who may want to try something. He always has an arm around your shoulders - and that arm starts slipping down until it’s situated at your waist - and is protective. When you’re out, having a drink and enjoying yourself, he’s the one buying the drinks and making sure no funny business is happening behind the scenes

Also, not one to do anything spectacular. Confessing to you is something that proceeds after a date. Ukai would ask you out on a date at this nice izakaya you two frequently visit - because he at least wants his last memory of you to be a good one if you turn him down. 

After a successful dinner, he offered to accompany you on your journey home. You two are in such a good mood that he’s scared he’s going to ruin it all by confessing to you. You’d be lost in your own little world and Ukai seizes his opportunity. Turning you around, he gives you a passionate kiss before quickly pulling away

You two are standing there, confused and blushing, not wanting to meet each other’s eyes. “So...” “So...” “Does this mean you like me or-” “No idiot, you had something on your lips and I thought kissing would make it go away-”

[bellasweetwriting]

College Lecture

Spencer Reid x f.reader

(gif doesn’t belong to me)

masterlist

plot: Spencer reveals his crush for you drunk

warnings: drinking, most fluff

important: mostly told by spencer’s pov

word count: idk

—• • •—

Dr. Reid was grabbing his bag as he stood up from his desk. He had finished quickly his paperwork from his last case and he was looking forward to leave quickly the office, which made his coworkers curious as to why he was in such a hurry.

"Pretty boy!" Exclaimed Derek Morgan as he sat down on top of Spencer’s desk, looking at the doctor. "Where are you going so fast? Is there a discount on dictionaries?"

"Ha, I got that joke," said Spencer not even in a sarcastic tone, he had his mind in another world to even come up with a good comeback for Morgan. "I... Uhm... there’s a... there’s a thing that I need to go to."

"What thing?" Asked Morgan again, catching the other BAU members’ attention by his curiosity.

"Uhm... a college... a college lecture."

"A college lecture," repeated Derek in a slow tone, making JJ chuckle. "And what is this college lecture about?"

"Feminism in 19th Century Literature." That surprised everyone agent in the office at the moment. "And I’m late so..."

Emily stopped Reid placing a hand on his chest, making it impossible for him to sprint out of the place.

"I’ll go with you," let him know Emily with a big smile.

"Me too," announced Garcia and Morgan weren’t slow and joined in too.

Spencer was getting more and more nervous, and his partners could easily tell. That’s why they wanted to go. He was hiding something about this lecture that he didn’t want anyone to know, and they were so curious to know what.

And as soon as they arrived at the auditorium, he could have an idea of what was getting all of Dr. Spencer Reid’s attention.

Because as soon as they arrived, his eyes couldn’t help but stare at you.

How you moved around through the little stage pointing out facts about the Brönte sisters with that big smile of yours. How your bright hair was being waved by the wind as you turn around. How your eyes shine with the light of the projector, revealing that look that made him feels things, strange things, good things.

He first came across you a few weeks ago when they had a case in Chicago. You were doing a lecture there and he was supposed to go ask a professor about something related to the murder, but your voice attracted him to you.

He sat there for hours just listening to your voice. For the first time in his young life, he was interested in the speaker rather than the subject of the speaking. He couldn’t focus on Jane Austen when you were the one talking about her.

"Thank you," you finished, receiving applause for the future English Majors and Spencer, who forgot that his coworkers were next to him and he just cheered you up.

"Ok, Doc," said Garcia, "that was interesting. Didn’t know you care so much about Pride and Prejudice."

"Huh? Oh yeah, it’s one... it’s one of my favorite... books," he continued to lie, and he was terrible doing it. "Ok, we can go now."

"Doctor Reid?" You called him as soon as he stood up from the chair. He stopped moving and stood there, nervously, as he closed his eyes. "Is that you?"

"I think they saw you, Reid," mumbled Hotch, making the team chuckle.

Spencer slowly turned around, smiling at you, not helping to blush a little.

You felt curious. He assisted in your last three lectures and you weren’t changing the material that much. You knew him since he introduced himself the first time you guys met, as he stumbled late to one of your speeches.

You talked to him for a few seconds after it ended. You were trying to initiate conversation while he was being evasive, not wanting to talk at all. He just told you his name and some random facts about contemporary literature and then left in a hurry. You were surprised and also confused to see him again, in a different state.

"Professor Y/L/N," he said. "So good to see you again."

The whole team followed Spencer as he walked downstairs towards the stage, where you stepped closer to where they were, with a confused yet sincere smile as the came closer.

"Good to see you, Doctor. Didn’t know that an FBI member would be so interested in Literature Feminism," you said with a small chuckle at the end. "These are your friends, I assume."

Spencer had completely forgotten about the presence of the team, who were collectively thinking that spending an hour of their time listening to you became worth it the minute they saw Spencer’s eyes as they stared at you.

"Yes... Professor, these are Morgan, Emily, JJ, Hotch, and Penelope... guys, this is Professor Y/N Y/L/N. She’s a Yale alumna in Literature, a writer, and gives lectures in colleges around the country."

He was talking so fast he didn’t realize he gave up most of your curriculum, but you didn’t mind. Most people would find it creepy, but you find it just curious, you found everything about Spencer Reid curious. His actions, how he repeated words since for him it was difficult to put into sentences every thought that was constantly in his mind. He worked fast, he was constantly thinking, analyzing.

"Thanks for the info, Spencer. We catch bad guys," said Penelope and you chuckled, making Spencer smile.

You’ve only spoked a few times with him after the lectures he assisted and every time he surprised you more and more with his intellectuality and his capability to memorize everything.

"How long are you staying in Virginia, Professor?" Question Agent Morgan and Spencer felt curious too.

"Until the day after tomorrow. I’m giving a lecture about Hemingway tomorrow afternoon, why?"

"Oh, well, because Spencer thought that it would be a brilliant idea to invite you to the bar for some drinks." Spencer opened his eyes abruptly.

"I did what—" Morgan stepped on his foot. "Ouch! Yes! I did! Yes!" Spencer exclaimed in pain, making you smile confused. “Yes, Uhm... sure, you should... you should come with us for... drinks, yep."

You smiled. "I’d love too,” you whispered. "I’ll go grab my purse and I’ll be right back." You left after giving Spencer a soft look, walking quickly to get your bag.

As soon as you left, Spencer immediately turned around to face Morgan who was just laughing, such as the rest of the team.

"Why would you do that!?" Exclaimed the doctor. "I was going to ask her out."

"When?" Questioned Derek with a dumb smile, still making fun of Spencer’s actions around you and how nervous he was.

"Eventually," he replied, not proud of his response. "Did I act too bizarre?"

"Other than the fact that you told us by memory her entire biography, I would say pretty normal," mocked JJ making him sigh. "It’s okay, Spence. I promise you that she didn't even notice.”

"Are you sure, JJ?" Questioned the Doctor as he tried to hide his nervousness. The idea of going out with you, of dating you, not only terrified him but also made him doubt his own abilities. Was he good enough for you? Was he smart enough for you?

"No, I'm lying. She definitely noticed, " she mocked before pressing her lips together, regretting it. "I'm sorry, I should have said that."

"No, no, don't worry, I'm just... Not for jokes right now JJ, " he whispered. "There she comes, " he said to himself as you came back with your purse and a shy smile in your face, which was directed to him. "Hi! Again... Hi again, " he greeted, awkwardly, making you giggle.

"Hi again, Spencer. Shall we?"

— • • • —

You were sitting on the counter by yourself waiting for the drinks, while the rest of the group was at the table. All the BAU members were insisting on Reid to stand up and walk towards you, but he was too nervous to do so. He decided to just look at you as he played with his glass with ice claiming to be refilled with an alcoholic drink. He was just glancing at you, admiring your charm.

He had a huge crush on you and it was hard for him to confess it. His friends were teasing him about it and he was annoyed by that, but deep down he recognized that it was true. That he liked you. He wanted you.

"Ok!" You yelled excitedly as you arrived at the table with the drinks that everyone ordered. "Hotch, your whiskey on the rocks, boring." Everyone laughed. "And for the rest, I got us... tequila!" You chuckle while everyone cheered, minus Spencer, who was too focused on you to even be excited about the break from work and the hanging out with his friends. "Here you go, Doc."

"Oh, I don't want, " he replied as you sat next to him, making him tremble by the quick touch of your leg against the fabric of his pants.

"What!? Why not!?" You exclaimed as you put a strand of your hair behind your ear and drank the first shot. "Come on!"

"Yeah, Pretty Boy, " intervened Derek after drinking, making Spencer stare at him. "Probably, it'll help you loosen up a bit, don't you think?"

You looked at him with a sincere smile, and he couldn't resist. He couldn't resist you. The way you made him feel was... different, unusual for a guy like him. He has never felt it before.

And after a few drink, he finally could loosen go as Morgan said, and started telling you exactly how he felt.

"Did you know..." he began, grabbing your attention, "I assisted way more of your lectures than you think I did? I only said hi in like three of the ten I assisted. I didn't know there was so much to talk about Emily Dickinson."

"I believe that's enough shots for the Doctor, " pointed Garcia making everyone giggle, but Spencer didn't even notice, he was busy with admiring you.

"Did you know there weren't blue M&Ms till the 90s? What kind of M&Ms did 80s people eat? The yellow ones? Losers." You laughed. He was so drunk and you found it hilarious. "I like your laugh."

"Well thank you, " you replied. "And I will agree with Garcia: you’ve had enough alcohol for today."

"You don't have to take care of me!" He exclaimed. "Actually, my brain works even faster when I'm under the influence of alcohol and that's why... I can't even put into words all of my thoughts! If you looked into my brain right now, you’d see a complete mess! There should be a machine that lets you see into someone else’s brain! Did I just invent a Nobel Prize Award invention?"

"Ok, drunk Reid is killing my mood, " mentioned Emily. "I think it's time to go home, we have work early in the morning."

You nodded, drinking the last sip from your glass and standing up. Everyone stood up too, chuckling by the state of the other, smiling for the great time they’ve just spent with each other.

Reid was the last to stand up. He struggled to maintain balance while Hotch helped him to get up. He looked at you with a little smile while you grabbed your purse and crossed it over your chest.

"You know... Y/N." You raised your eyebrows when he mentioned your name. "We should date."

You hadn't even reacted when Morgan and Emily intervened quickly, dragging Spencer away from you.

"That's enough, Reid, " said Morgan. "Nice meeting you, Y/N. Let's go, Doc."

"Call me!" He yelled. "I like you!" And that's the last thing you heard from him before Morgan finally got him out of the bar. You simply laughed.

— • • • —

Spencer Reid arrived at his office with the worst headache in the world. He quickly prepared a strong coffee and drank it all as he walked towards his desk, falling to the chair and closing his eyes.

"How's your head, Spence?" Asked JJ and he just groaned. "That bad, huh?"

"I just want to die, " he said with a deep voice.

"Reid..." Hotch called him as he walked by. "The Professor is here."

That words made Spencer open his eyes widely, looking towards the entrance where you were standing, glancing towards him with a tiny smile.

As soon as you saw his reaction, you doubted coming there. What if he didn't want to see you? You went there by an impulse. What he said the previous night didn't let you sleep and you wanted to clear everything out. His voice wouldn't stop repeating in your mind, repeating those words every five seconds. You needed to see him.

"Oh, God..." Spencer mumbled to himself as he stood up. "What's she doing here? What did I say yesterday?"

"You may have confessed your crush on her, " answered JJ, making Spencer panic. "Go!"

He nodded before walking slowly towards you, with a nervous smile on his face as he came closer. You noticed how strange he was acting and you tried smiling at him to calm him a little, but that just seemed to make him even more nervous.

"Professor Y/L/N, " he greeted you. "How can I help you?"

"I just needed to clear some things out and—"

"I'm sorry if yesterday I said some things that made you uncomfortable. I don't even remember what I said and I just hope that we can move past that."

"Oh... oh, yeah... Uhm... ok, " you stuttered. "I just thought—"

"What?" He asked curiously.

You breathed in.

"Why did you attend all of my lectures, Spencer?"

That question took him by surprise.

"I don't know, " he admitted. "I just... liked how you talked so excited about literature. Your voice tends to increase a tone when you arrive at the Jane Austen material and it's clear she's your favorite author. Your shoulders relax when you notice someone in the audience taking notes because now you know they are paying attention and are interested in the subject such as you. Your voice gets slower as you reach the end of your speech because you don't want it to end, you love it, you love teaching other people and showing your passion to everyone. You love every second of it."

You nodded.

"Why?" He questioned.

"Just wanted to make sure you weren't a literature maniac and the only thing you cared about was what I was talking about."

"No, I'm not as passionate about literature as you are." You gave him a little smile. "Would you like to go out sometime?"

"Yeah... I'd love to go out with you, Spencer."

"Great..."

"Great."