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epiceneandroid · 3 days ago

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this is an old post but i'd like to list my favorite fat characters in media, some of them "problematic" to some but to me, they're comforting!

-charlotte lola from one piece! she does look a little odd because of oda's style, but she's a very well written, relatable character who just wants to get married and experience an independent life on her own terms because she's traumatized by her mom forcing her into an arranged marriage with someone she did NOT want to be with (so her marriage obsession is not "hurr hurr she's fat and ugly and wants a boyfriend/girlfriend" it's "she had no independence or freedom as a child and was constantly abused for existing so she became a BADASS PIRATE to escape") and she's a BIT of a bisexual/pansexual, as she loves nami both in her "namizou" disguise AND as just regular old nami. also nami's scene where she talks about how her mom would always be there for lola if she needed her and her mom shouted "I DON'T CARE ABOUT LOLA I DISOWNED HER!" especially with the english dub where she has the most southern baptist voice a woman could have is SUCH a huge metaphor for biphobia and lesbiphobia. if lola ended up with nami (i don't think she would've because apparently the one piece pirates can't have romance but other pirates can) she would've uhauled with her AND her husband gotti, who's another fat man who saw her for who she was instead of the Perfect Princess of chocolateland or whatever that her mom made her out to be to pawn her off to a man she never met

-from the same series, charlotte chiffon! she is MARRIED, unlike lola for a long time, and she is a GIRLBOSS with a beautiful fat mafia MALEWIFE! she can kick ass and she chooses to be with her chosen family, the firetank pirates, because she realizes that it's better to be with people she loves than to be surrounded by abuse every day, and THAT in my opinion is what makes a badass fat QUEEN. she'd rather be with her family and happy and kick ass as a firetank pirate than have her mom suck up to her so she can get back into her family and i love that for her. it's very personal that i love the charlotte twins because my grandfather is a lot like big mom in behavior and the fact he was emotionally stunted at childhood so that caused the brunt of his abuse, so like. yeah. that's why the charlotte twins are important fat women to me.

-e honda from street fighter! he's a badass fat guy who knows how to kick ass and take names and LOVES his fat body, and he's a cheerful dude who loves to eat food and loves to be essentially a father figure to characters like chun-li, ken masters, and even manga exclusive characters! he's not really that deep of a character (unless i've missed something because i've not gotten to his portion in street fighter 6), but he's a really sweet guy who makes me feel comforted by his presence.

-ava from only this beautiful moment! her first introduction is LITERALLY her walking into the room in a curve hugging, fat hugging sweater and jeans while wearing a hijab while getting her phone that was playing britney spears' "work bitch" and from the VERY minute she was introduced i KNEW i was gonna love her. she's a queer ally who equally as much loves iranian culture AND american culture alike, loves the iranian partying scene, and supports her friends queerness and transness without ANY hesitation. she is so campy and fun. she literally has "character who's played by a drag queen" vibes she's so amazing. AND she makes sassy comebacks against her mom who fatshames her which, wish i could do that too without getting yelled at! she is BASED. wish i could eat bread coated in cheese and herbs too without having diarrhea. love her.

-hades from the hades calculus! she is, from the outset, described as essentially a fat, imposing, yet athletic figure, and i LOVE fat athletic characters despite my fat ass' only athletic achievements being "can swim across underwater a 4 foot deep pool without drowning" and "can lift heavy objects". her body is described as a large, looming, heavy presence, and that fits her personality as the undertaker of the gods, and she basically is a depressed, gloomy woman who has trouble moving on from her human partner, leuke's, death, and only involves herself in the gods she considers moral, like hephaestus, who i ALSO headcanon as fat but i'm not sure if ze's actually fat or if it's just me wishing a nonbinary character with the body i want is also fat like i am and wish to be for the rest of my life. she's a stone butch top trans lesbian, which fat characters are RARELY any of those in combination, she gains another love interest in persephone, a demigod built essentially as an adult at birth and built to destroy and basically has a freakish, red eyed, overly skinny yet freakishly muscular, nonhuman appearance (for ONCE the FAT CHARACTER IS NOT THE ONE WHO LOOKS LIKE A FREAK), and she falls in LOVE with persephone slowly. i am not finished with the book because i am horribly slow at reading books with any sort of substance but hades is so cool and powerful and sexy and i LOVE her.

Post your personal favorite fat fictional characters! Here are some of mine 💘

Left to right: Sam (Somebody Somewhere), Oluwande Boodhari (Our Flag Means Death), Lazlo Cravensworth (What We Do In The Shadows), Nina (Dinosaur), Fran (Shrill), Del Griffith (Planes, Trains, and Automobiles), Tasha “Taystee” Jefferson (Orange is The New Black), Bobby Hill (King of the Hill), Gary (Wolf Like Me), and Titus Andromedon (Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt).

#fat representation #fat characters #fat positivity #fat liberation #a couple of these are book characters so they don't have set appearances but i have a mental image of how hades looks #and she's like. one of those fat people who are entirely mostly square shaped with some round edges #kinda like topaz from steven universe #who is another badass fat character i could've mentioned #but i never got to that season because i became unreasonably su critical #su criticism is FINE but like. i became like. 'rebecca sugar is a secret nazi' stupid

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my-rose-tinted-glasses · 1 day ago

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I've been thinking about Futtara pretty much non stop since it aired and I rewatched the episode and I have a couple of thoughts. First of all, I've read the novel sex scene so I'm aware of the differences. But here is why I don't have a problem with it. I have no idea how they arrived at that scene in the novel. I have no idea of the conversations they had before. Since that scene is so different, perhaps in the novel things leading up to it are also different so no use, in my opinion, to compare the two at this moment. I understand some people's disappointment with this part, even before the translation was known, but that wasn't really the case for me. So this is my view on the episode, and I respect that people had different feelings about it. Anyway...

Like I said before, it was never about the sex. Not really, as @emotionallychargedtowel l said here, and I agree, sure the sex was important cause it was the catalyst for everything so far. Them not having it and wanting to and all that came with that. But the way I see it, the actual sex was just the last step in the progression of these two coming together and by extent cheating on their partners. I should say that the flatmates relationship continues to be the most nebulous so I'm not sure, if it would even be called cheating, but since Sei said that keeping a secret was the reason for him to be in that room in the first place, I'm gonna use the general term of cheating for both of the pairs for now.

"I'm not gonna break or anything." - Sei

One of the things I really liked about this whole episode was that I felt like Sei was just wanting control for once. He left the house, he wanted to go to Hagiwara, he wanted to be touched and he wanted to have a secret from Fujisawa. He's been caged in for so long, that those emails and this relationship, more than just allowing him to have sex, it allows him a freedom he's been missing. Their house is this still place, untouched and unspoiled by exterior forces, but it's also a fragile state of things. Because all it takes is a small change in their routine to bring it all down. That first email exchange was the first disruption in this home, in this stillness. And from there, every day the ripples get bigger until something breaks and cannot be easily put back together.

"To think nobody wants this body. What a waste." - Sei

I love this sentence. Because it can go both ways. Yes, Sei is speaking to Hagiwara, so of course he means Kaori, but I also think he's talking about himself here. Because although he has expressed desire for Fujisawa, he never had that returned. So in a way he never really felt that anybody wanted his body too.

"Saying something like that is unfair. Felt like I was gonna cry." - Hagiwara "You're neither bad nor dirty." - Sei

I'm not taking anything away from the sex itself, and the fact that they are finally able to have it. But in the end, more than it is about the act, it's about validation. And that's why this is such an emotional moment for Hagiwara. I think he had given up on that. On being able to show all of himself and feel accepted. For the first time in a long time his desire was not met with rejection or perceived disgust. And again I think Sei is talking about himself here too. He has tried more than once to get this from Fujisawa, but he was always rebuffed and in a not so subtle way. So he has come to accept that, in this context, what he's been feeling is bad or dirty.

"Nothing will change. Nothing will be destroyed." Sei "We promised right? We wouldn't destroy anything?" Sei In the hotel room. / At the end in the office.

This is where things really get messed up. I think Sei and Hagiwara before they had sex, where looking for some of the same things but also something different. Sex, obviously, connection and validation. Everything I mentioned before. But for Hagiwara, it quickly became about something else. It was about sex first, then it was about sex with Sei, specifically. He no longer simply wanted to be touched, he wanted Sei to be the one to do it.

For Sei, I think he had a plan in mind. Just get the thing done, and get out. Almost like an item to check off a list. And somehow he thought that after it, he would be fine, and he could just carry on with his life as it had been so far. And not destroy what he had with Fujisawa. Like sex was the problem, and once he had it, everything would be fine. So the life he had at home was still untouched, if all he got from Hagiwara was something that was absent there.

"What are we going to do now? Now that it's come to this... What are we going to do?" - Sei

He never entertained the possibility that it would be more than that. That it would go beyond the sex act. And all of a sudden, Hagiwara is bringing emotions into this, that go beyond the physical and Sei is a bit lost. Cause he needs to be able to go back. And this is where the nature of the flatmates relationship becomes an important piece that it's still mostly missing. Why does he want to go back? Why is it so important that this doesn't destroy what he has with Fujisawa? Does he love him? Does he feel indebted to him? Has he been conditioned in some way? Or does he believe that that is all he deserves?

He left that hotel room, and a part of him believed, that everything that had happened there, stayed there. It only existed in that place and time, and wouldn't touch anything beyond it. He went back to what his familiar. The glass box Fujisawa built for him. But things are not so easy for Hagiwara. He let feelings in and they follow him beyond the walls of that hotel room. And the fact that Sei seems so unaffected by it, hurts him deeply. Because he thought he found himself an equal, that since he understood him, he would also match him emotionally after the fact. But Sei, is not capable of that. Or not willing at least.

I'm trying not to focus on the preview right now, as difficult as that is, and just look at what we know so far. And I need to understand Sei better. I need to know what is motivating him right now. What exactly is he holding on to with such determination?

#futtara doshaburi #when it rains it pours #ふったらどしゃぶり #japanese bl #bl drama #rose rambles

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taeggukxiie · 3 days ago

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Movies like Dead Poets Society make me want to be a boy and experience boy friendship so badly.

Like maybe it was said before but I feel like people identifying themselves as women don't have movies like this, with a bunch of girls experiencing teenage years.

A movie with like no sexual tension, just a group of girls being girls and talking about their thoughts and existential aspects of life, not as women but as humans. Because I feel like (it's my opinion, I can be wrong though) when there's women involved in any friend group in movies or book there's always some romantic interests.

And I know romance is important, love is expectations and beauty and life, but it's not the only aspect of a woman life right? What triggers me is that the romance is often the main part of a woman characterization.

A thing I love about dps is that the romance isn't the main aspect of the plot. However if you take Ginny and Chris for example, the only plus they're adding to the film is romantic interest (with respectively Charlie and Knox). Same for the two girls Charlie brings to the cave. And I get that in this movie particularly the story is centered on the boys, but why aren't the girls, I don't know, integrated in the club too? (they kinda are in the book I think but still).

Anyway, I feel like there's not really a problem with how girls are depicted in the dps movie (not the book, book Knox doesn't exist to me), but I wanted to point out that fact. I also know that this movie's from 1989, so there wasn't as much gender questioning as nowadays.

However, a thing why dps is so good and life-changing is because there's no gender-coding. You can be a girl and relate to Neil and his passion for his main intrest and his relationship with his father, you can be any gender and resonate with Todd's anxiety and quietness, you can be anyone and relate to how profoundly sincere Keating is in his want to transmit and help and share to those young boys.

In dps the boys are just being friends and experiencing life, and it's so real and true that it ends up painfully good. I want a movie like that with girls so bad. If you guys have some recommendations, I'll gratefully take them!

#sorry for my rambling #i so wish i was a boy when i watch this movie #dead poets society #dps #dps fandom #anderperry #neil perry #dead poets fandom #todd anderson #dead poets society analysis #gender ideology

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ct-multifandom · 19 hours ago

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Big day for annoying people (me)

The two new eps of ML were good? Like wow it’s been great so far except ep 3 was comparatively a flop imo. Werepapas was so, idk, enticing lore-wise but I don’t have much to say that other people haven’t except that they’re clearly NOT neglecting past plot points, making the tone too silly goofy all the time, nor retconning important stuff like some people worried they would. We have been FED. I’m sure Felix is involved in that ring bs somehow, but idk if his intentions are pure or not.

Warning for the only salty thing I’m gonna say on this post: I’m so tired of going into the fandom tag and seeing people whining about “bad writing” problems that literally never happened based entirely on their own incorrect predictions they made up to make themselves mad. Ugh anyway. This post is gonna be about small details I latched onto in Daddycop!

We got to see glimpses of Sabrina and Max’s rooms this ep! Max’s room looks like a Star Trek spaceship but the books on his bookshelf are kinda giving those reference books at the library of like, archived government documents or research papers iykwim whereas the books in Alya’s room look like manga. An interesting thing I noticed in Sabrina’s room is that she has a line of framed certificates on the wall, maybe academic awards or something similar

Did they ever say if Markov can see Kaalki or not? I’m sure they will eventually but idk which option I like better. It’d be cute if they were friends but it’d be pretty funny if he had to watch Max talk to the secret floating ghost who lives with them now and not question it

List of things Sabrina dumps in the trash: yellow nail polish, the brooch Chloe gifted to her/bribed her with in season 1, the cat ear headband from her Chat Noir cosplay when she and Chloe were roleplaying as him and Ladybug in season 3, a beret, maybe the one Chloe tried to bribe her with in s1, Chloe-style sunglasses, a Queen Bee doll, a photo of them together in the old animation, and a mug/tumbler? Maybe a gift from her as well idk maybe they’re selling Queen Bee-themed Stanley cups over there.

:((((( Aw Sabrina nooo I hate seeing her so sad and the way she lied to her dad so he would think she’s happy and has friends

I think this might be the first time the show referred to Fire Captain Hessenpy by name?

Marinette’s scooter has the T+S logo on it and a sticker that says Boulangerie Paris

Between eps 2 and 4 I’m getting the sense that Sabrina uses Miss Hound as an escape kinda like CN where she feels like she can become instantly likeable, trustworthy, helpful, and useful through the inherent credibility of being a superhero. She has anonymity, can sort of start over on a blank slate, and is automatically implied to be a good person since Ladybug entrusted her. I’m guessing we’re gonna see more of that blank slate idea with other characters and what they’ll do with it, but it’s telling that Sabrina decides to transform to resolve people’s minor inconveniences, especially when she’s feeling bad about herself. It’s like she’s proving a point to herself but also giving herself something productive to do.

The GIRLS Ahhhhh let’s go lesbians

Noticing a clear absence of Alix. Ik the special implied she has to keep hiding in the burrow from Lila but she’s all normal-looking in the intro and they can’t shelve her forever. I feel like something is gonna change to make her be able to return.

^^^ ALSO she’s the only hero with zero design updates and my theory is that the purpose of that is so she can do contrived time nonsense like going back to earlier seasons and going forward without contradicting anything or revealing which time period she’s actually from

I gotta say the side character writing has progressively been better and better throughout the show. Atp they really feel like actual people with their own opinions and motivations. In the early days they felt more like lovable NPCs who talked occasionally but now they’re real characters? With free will? I feel like I just watched Pinocchio get turned into a real boy

The pro-healthy eating censorship/propaganda/whatever in this show is so funny omg. Juleka: I brought fruit tea Mylene: wow that’s so much better than the sugary soda we had last time LMAO. To balance out Rose holding a bag of popcorn they gave Zoe two burlap sacks full of oranges which tbf I’d rather snack on those during a movie than popcorn but still. I saw a vid recently about gravity falls adding random bowls of fruit next to characters eating junk food because they were getting flagged as promoting unhealthy habits. I keep thinking about that moment in Ikari Gozen when Mari asks Kagami out for “juice” when any normal teen would’ve said “coffee” like nope no caffeine in my good Christian miraculous

Love Kagami being a pretentious film nerd go hang out with Nino

RED ALERT YOU GUYS Mylene has an inclusive pride flag pin on her overall strap. Like the rainbow flag with the trans triangle and the black stripe. It’s not subtle or anything it’s just right there wow. Damn

The pin above it reminds me of Timebreaker’s logo. I wonder what some of these pins mean

Ok last season they seem to have established that Sabrina became friends with Marc and Nathaniel who were both explicit Sabrina Supporters since their akuma episodes, so it feels sort of convenient that they were written out of the narrative for this ep. I do see the whole Girl Squad thing and how she feels excluded when all the girls in the group hang out together without her, doing traditional girl things like movie night sleepovers, so I do think it’s totally valid. Her having absolutely zero friends is hyperbolized though.

On that note I have to wonder if the school might have several lunch periods because none of the male characters expect Adrien and Nino were there. Or maybe they just stage the scene with whoever is convenient. They might have flexible lunch schedules and all the other characters are off somewhere else.

Rose mentioned a girl whose name I didn’t recognize and after rewinding i can’t tell what she said. Aglie? New character? Maybe she’s that black girl with pink hair who was sitting with Adrien, Nino, and Sublime at lunch

KAGAMI AND ONDINE ARE CANONICALLY FRIENDS this is like the Superbowl for me. I’m so excited for Sleeping/Princess Syren I need to see her.

God the girls were so messy in that scene where they didn’t want to invite Sabrina lol I kinda love it I can’t even be mad

Zoe, your lab safety is atrocious. Not only are you taking your goggles off while still in the lab, but then you *leave the room* and *touch someone* with your gloves still on?! Diabolical. What are they even doing, soldering computer chips?

Marinette when I catch you Marinette

Roger’s relationship with Sabrina is actually so cute even though he’s kinda misguided as a person GOD when he’s on his way to console his crying daughter and Lila enters his mind space and he’s cradling his arms like he’s clearly seeing her as his baby 🥺 nobody talk to me

Alexa play I bet on losing dogs by mitski. Myyyy baby my baby…

We got a glimpse of the baddest bitch in Paris Xavier Ramier I’m so happy

Sabrina shapeshifted her necklace into a brooch. Huh. I guess you can just do that

The power of believing in herself allowed her to yassify her own character design into a cuter and more fashionable superhero! This is basically just like real life if you think about it

Her ball has a doggy nose on it awww

Lila telling Roger to turn around so she could back him up and fire the anti akuma was badass okay

I’m not sold on the loud ass makeup they have a lot of the characters wearing so I’m glad we got to see the girls with clean faces at the end there. Wow they look so normal! I’m also loving the pajama designs. I had to pause and look at all of them.

Zoe had to stop and hit Sabrina with that rizz stare to make sure Sabrina wouldn’t be coming up with any platonic explanations for her behavior

I never thought I’d say these words, but I think a love triangle between Sabrina, Zoe, and Max would be fun. Imagine Zoe is into Sabrina, Sabrina isn’t exactly catching the hint and sees Zoe as a really nice friend, Sabrina kinda likes Max, and Max is like damn these bitches gay. Good for them.

The end card is so baby omg

I TOLD YOU GUYS Sabrina was gonna get a makeover and people were like uH No iTs JUsT An aNimATioN eRroR oF a ScRApPEd DeSiGn girl why the hell would they leave a scrapped design in the intro, and there’s no way they would accidentally not notice that much less repeat it

Mark my words white haired Caprikid is not an error either he’s real and he’s gonna collect all the chaos emeralds to get that way

A new diabolical twink has hit the scene. Ray’s pompous ass immediately reminded me of Preminger from Barbie. He looks like he rides horses. Like he tells people he’s into sports but then you find out the sport is just horse riding. Immediately invested. Who is this diva. I want him to get hit by a bus.

Ooooo Zoe was up to some Delinquent Shit in America this is so juicy. I looove when suspiciously perfect characters get revealed to be secretly fucked up that’s the best. I’ve always loved those types of headcanons, that she was expelled from her last school and moved to a different country all of a sudden for her mom’s PR. If you think about it, that’s exactly what happened to Chloe damn. Daughter commits PR disaster, do zero parenting about it, relocate daughter far away to start over with little consequence! I wanna see some parallels. I feel like she made it sound like she moved because she was getting bullied at her old school, but what if that was a lie, or at least a partial lie? You know shit’s serious when the exposition is in the post-post-endcard scene

The pacing of these episodes has been satisfying compared to previous seasons, especially 5. They aren’t trying to shove too much in, but there’s still a lot happening and fiiiinally a nice mix of plot and fighting. I was getting irritated by how rushed a lot of the fights were last season like might as well just not have them at all

Excited to see more yay! I love the little details. It’s kinda a bummer that Sabrina spent most of her hero focus ep sobbing but we ball (see what I did there) and the end was so cutesy. So excited to probably watch episode 11 before episode 6

#miraculous ladybug #ml #ml spoilers #daddycop #ml s6 #ml s6 spoilers #ml season 6 #ml daddycop #sabrina raincomprix #zoe lee #max kante #alix kubdel #marinette dupain cheng #miss hound #kagami tsuguri #mylene haprele #juleka couffaine #rose lavillant

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zais-zafu · 3 days ago

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false gods ruling ur life

& the power of focus

hi everyone! today I wanna talk about how we create false gods in our lives, how that harms us, and the importance of directing our focus! this is a topic that has been on my mind recently as I think it is foundational to everyone who wants to work on their mindset, mental diet, and manifest better life outcomes.

table of contents

1. ways we create false gods in our lives

2. the harm of false idolisation and victimisation

3. the power of focus and attention

p.s: I do believe in god but I believe this post is still helpful from an loa/spiritual persective. so, with that being said, let's discuss!

✿ part 1: ways we create false gods in our lives

I'd say there two main ways we do that: making ourselves smaller and making others bigger.

when we make ourselves small, we victimise ourselves becoming paranoid about the world and thinking that others have this special advantage over you. I see this a lot in the loa community where some believe that others have some kinda special knowledge and power that they don't posses, when in reality it is just them being more disciplined, more consistent, and more trusting of loa.

it could also be about feeling insignificant in the face of your circumstances. like thinking that the 3d (physical reality) is what is ruling your life and not ur mind. also believing in conspiracies and secret society theories or ideas that are designed to instill fear within you, making u think that someone is out there to get you.

as for making others bigger in your mind, this happens a lot in celebrity and fan culture when you start seeing them as more than human. also when you idolise other people's attention (for example: analysing others behavours around you and ruminating over negative meanings of it). and also you pay wayyyy too much attention to other people’s lives like your peers and worrying too much about competition, not realising that there's no competition when you are your own life's creator.

essentially, when you start worrying/thinking too much about something or someone outside yourself, you have formed a false god in your mind.

✿ part 2: the harm of false idolisation and victimisation

so what's the harm in that? well first, it is such a waste of time and energy on something that won't serve you. also it will only create unnecessary worry and anxiety within your mind. you start to see yourself as powerless and your life as out of ur control. you might also engage in behaviours that cause you to lose yourself in the process, such as people pleasing.

your life will become vapid and shallow since your focus is shit that really doesn't matter. you will also start to associate this great amount of omnipotence and power with something other than god (if u believe in one), bankrupting you spiritually. like you are some insignificant string being pulled along by someone more powerful than you or god, or by circumstances that you believe you cannot change.

small tip: whenever you start to worry too much remind yourself that you are starting to create a false god in your mind. this works wonders for me to quickly disengage from unhelpful thoughts and remind myself of my power.

✿ part 3: the power of focus and attention

obviously, if you practice lao, you know that what you focus on is what you create. if you dwell in other people's lives or opinions, you're then not dwelling enough in the life you wanna create. focus is like a currency to what you wanna see play out in your life: what you pay attention to is what you prioritise and is what you will get more of.

in my case, when I started focusing on the life I wanna live, that's when opportunities, successes, etc. started flooding my life.

and that also applies to what you consume cos your mental diet is hugely shaped by your media diet. basically, what you consume (see, hear) and create (say, think) creates patterns of belief in your mind, materialising in reality.

ofc, you can always engage something outside of you that entertains you but don’t lose sight of your own live’s vision. really consider whether what your're watching is adding to your life somehow. make sure you’re using it, not it using you.

a big example of that is social media: you can either curate the perfect fyp to see posts that make you happy, remind you that your dream life is possible, serve as loa tips/reminders or you could consume content that is designed to suck you in and make you angry, anxious, or hopeless.

you decide.

another related term to focus that I wanna talk about is presence and how it is essentially the key to living a happy life.

when you focus on what truly matters, you find excitement and passion again, creating a life you're proud of. being present and focusing on yourself also allows you to practice intentional and mindful living. so you take your time to do the things you care about, you connect back to your spirituality, you realise that you’re more than a physical vessel, and you find yourself again beneath all of society's chatter.

this ultimately builds confidence and trust within you: you become an inspired creator instead of a powerless victim around the people who you look up to and also with 3d circumstances, which you now understand are just past relfections of old beliefs and are easily changeable.

and I think holding such mindset is beautiful :)

anddd, that's all! hope this was a helpful mindset shifting technique for y'all.

talk to you again soon <3

✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿

#law of assumption #manifesting #loa #dream life #loa blog #manifest #law of manifestation #loa tumblr #loassumption #affirmations #mind #mindset #mindset shift #religion #god #consciousness #self improvement #zafu tips

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masastiy · 3 days ago

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Just my rambling on this topic and an attempt to justify this "bandaid for poor writing", because I don't really see it like this. I don't think I've answered a lot of points that you had made, but just wanted to share my opinion. Also, the way I see Lucanis might not be the right or only one, I understand.

(If you answer this post with more arguments, I don't think I would be able to find the strength to reply you back any time soon, I'm very sorry in advance. I don't mean to be disrespectful, not at all, it's just hard for me to participate in discussions. Ugh, it took me almost a whole day to write this. I guess I just wanted to get it out of my head, it's been buzzing in there for a week.)

Also, if anyone else reads this, sorry in advance to anyone who played non-male Rook. I played as one, so it was natural for me to use respective pronouns.

All right, enough beating over the bush, I should get on with the main topic.

I, too, had my doubts about this romance at first, was unsure whether I should romance him or someone else. The progression with him did seem undercooked to me at first, the lack of !anticipated! ("not what I anticipated" doesn't mean "not right", though) response was almost maddening.

But then "Inner Demons" happened.

This very quest sold him to me utterly and completely, after it I had no intentions of romancing anyone ever again in this game. It explained to me a whole lot about him.

And the line "It's better I stay here than risk losing you" was one of the most important to me. Here is what it says, in my opinion: that he is trying not to get close to Rook, because he fears that he would, without a doubt in his mind, lose him eventually. So, during the first acts, he is just trying not to get involved, not to fall in love (but failing). Hence, in my opinion, his dialogues are not bugged, but he is purposefuly brushing off Rook's advances.

Why can't he outwardly reject Rook if he is afraid to get close to him?

"Old stale fear of disappointment".

I know that this feeling was mentioned in the context of his relationship with Caterina, but this fear definitely encompasses his whole life, it was irrevocably instilled into his cranium since he was little. To add salt to this injury that never healed, he fails to kill Ghillanain: he disappointed himself, he disappointed everyone around him. He is dealing with a lot of disappointment to add more. So he is afraid that, if he rejects Rook, it would make him even more disappointed in him. Moreover, if he rejects Rook, he would hurt him, and that in turn would make Lucanis even more disappointed in himself, add that salt to his already festering injury. He is just stuck in a whirpool of disappointment that he can't even take a breather.

He is afraid of reciprocating Rook's feelings, he is afraid of rejecting them. So, what is left for him?

To ignore them or brush them off with an impassive reply.

Perhaps he was hoping that the principle "If I ignore it, it will go away" might work. He was hoping that if Rook keeps hitting the wall, that if he sees that there is no hope for them sharing a future, Rook's feelings would eventually dwindle. Perhaps he hoped that Rook's feelings would prove superstitial, just Rook having fun at being a flirt, and would let go of them easily. But, to no awail.

That is why "he's just completely missing in Act 2", he had no reason to declare his feelings before he "broke out", so to speak, and allowed himself those feelings.

Anyway, I remember only one moment when he didn't deem Rook with any reply, and it's this one (I also included the "positive" option, because previously I only flirted with him, and now Lucanis' answer cracked me up).

After this I understand all the talk about Lucanis' microexpressions, because, the way he pursed his lips just a tiny bit and furrowed his brows a fraction says a lot, I think. I may be seeing things, but he does have some unique expressions, and this one does seem intentional. Although I understand why such a reaction may seem bugged with a follow up to a neutral response.

Also, here Rook's words sounded rather rhethorical, like they didn't need any reply.

"Yet, I'm still here".

What can you answer to it? "Good"? Too awkward. "I'm glad"? Too personal for Lucanis on that stage of their relationship. For me personally, this particular line just doesn't imply any reply.

Why is he not flustered when he is being flirted by Rook?

Because, I think, that as an assassin, he was trained and is rather skilled in the art of seduction, which is rather obvious in that almost-kiss scene, where it looked like his training kicked in for some reason, and it wasn't the real him. So he is not stuttering when Rook flirts because he sees and understands conventional flirting when it happens, he must have been introduced to it in his training, he must have used it on his targets, because, once again, it comes very natural to him. That is why he understands Rook's intentions - Rook's flirting is on point and obvious. Lucanis sees it and dismisses it. He does have the ability to read the room.

Then why is he flustered when Neve flirts?

Because, to me at least, her "flirting" seems extremely weird. From what I remember from her banter with him, her flirting is half-joking, half-threat, half-compliment in as many sentences. Perhaps it's my own demisexuality and awkwardness speaking, but I suspect a lot of people, even those who are open with their affections, would be at least a bit weirded out, because her intentions are rarely clear. It's like "are you trying to woo me, to insult me, or stab me?" So I wouldn't even call him flustered or embarassed with her, I don't think those are the right words. I'd call him confused and weirded out by her approach. And it shows in his replies to her. From my memory, some of his answers were as following: "I don't even know what to say" and "I was going to say 'thanks', but now I'm not sure". It's not in any way a romantic reply and an attempt to flirt back. At the same time, Rook's intentions are always clear: in his flirting with Lucanis he shows care and admiration, which are easy to catch on.

And to me, this is why the progression with Neve is different. It's easier to joke back and forth, than to face true, suffocating feelings, than to let someone in. It's easier to accept humour and nonchalant approach than sincere care, which Rook provides, since Lucanis seems to be a person who was not used to such thing. I think that he is afraid of true feelings and unpacking the baggage, so he closes off with Rook. But also, this is why, in my humble opinion, his relationship with Neve is never as important to him, as his relationship with Rook (I'm sorry to Nevecanis shippers). It seems more airy, less involved. After all, if you don't romance him, and don't get Inner Demons, he would want to separate from Spite even if he is with Neve.

Probably because he never truly let her in. And because Spite, who is a really important aspect in Lucanis' life, doesn't trust her. It's easier with her, which doesn't mean better.

I do agree that something is missing in his romance, though. Not an important aspect, but still. Like a tiny touch during their second coffee date would have been really appropriate, otherwise that scene with Lucanis howering over Rook seems rather awkward. Also, I'm almost convinced that they had kissed before, because the kiss that they shared during the romance scene doesn't seem like their first. They also should have had at least a tiny talk about Lucanis' inexperience. But other than that, the romance is rather refreshing. I think that it is intentional that way, and that the demisexual prism was there from the very start. Yeah, to some it may seem like it's an attempt to put on a bandaid after the fallout, to close the wound. But just some dialogues from the game say otherwise. Like this one, for example.

As for the concept arts - the scenes that weren't included... I'm not upset that they were cut off. Because my personal first thought, when I saw them, was that Lucanis was acting like some of kind of experienced hero-lover, which contrasts with the way I personally see him. Yeah, that sounds extremely biased, I know. But to me it seemed to be a little off with the whole inexperienced/demi aspect of him. Maybe it's just me, maybe in a relationship he would open up faster, I don't know. As for the scene with the gondola fight, I'm awfully grateful that it was cut off: Lucanis knows that Rook can't swim... yet he still purposefully pushes him into the water? That's a huge red flag for me. On the other hand, Rook can't swim, but still agrees to this dangerous affair? It's irrational. Besides, Rook on the concept is a lithe woman, Lucanis would have little trouble saving her from the water if she was to fall off. But my Rook is the tallest possible, plus-sized qunari... It would be extremely difficult to pull that save off, perhaps even impossible, and that scene's hasard and thoughtlessness would increase tenfold. So, the gondola fight seemes to me rather impossible with the variety of Rooks.

All in all, to me, his romance is one of those slow-burn ones that is affected by the trauma. His just happens to be more closed off because, unlike the characters who you had mentioned, he is also an assassin - let's not forget this ESSENTIAL detail and all the consequences this profession may imply (like, feelings are a liability), topped with a betrayal from someone important.

I just think that demisexuality comes in an abundance of flavors, peppered with various experiences from a partner. Demisexual person and a budding relationship with one is always different, just like any heterosexual, homosexual, and so on, so I don't really understand the comparison with the player's experience. I mean, it seems like you're saying that what we have with Lucanis is not a good representation of demisexuality, but I'd say that there is no appropriate and avowed template for depicting demisexuality, as well as any other relationship. Like, there is no "right way" for dealing with trauma, for example - the way a person dealt with their trauma in a movie might not be similar to the way the vewer of said movie dealt with the same trauma. And it's perfectly normal. The way you, me, or any other demisexual person behave or the way your relationship developed is not the only appropriate way for any other such relationship to develop. If the majority of demisexuals are easily flustered, it doesn't mean that everyone has to be. There is no "right way" to depict demisexuality. So, to me Lucanis seems to be just his own brand of closed-off and inexperienced demisexual.

As someone who is acepec, the whole demi Lucanis debacle just doesn't sit right with me. He has so many dialogues that just cut off suddenly, scenes that feel like they're missing (that missive in Act 2 where he talks about dealing with Spite once and for all that just became a completely different scene with Zara??) All the concept art for the romance that was never explored. The massive difference in relationship progression between Rookanis and Nevecanis in terms of both emotional and physical intimacy.

Lucanis' romance is so clearly incomplete even in a game where the romance arcs are sparse on the whole. His character without the romance feels incomplete as well - we get two or so big moments of characterisation and everything else is just the same scene about coffee repeated as infinitum.

I have no issue with a character being awkward and inexperienced, wanting to take things slow, not recognising flirtation or romantic cues, wanting to figure out their complicated situation before jumping into something. I am that person! It took 6 months after my partner and I acknowledged we had feelings for each other for us to start dating because I was not in the right place mentally to do so. Both of us are demi. Both of us have had very few previous experiences with romantic relationships. But that doesn't preclude a person from understanding or wanting emotional intimacy.

The Lucanis situation does not come across as 'he just doesn't have sexual attraction to Rook yet', it's just complete shutdown of conversation on all fronts (something he does not do with Neve, btw.) I too find flirting scary from people I don't know and agonised over it before my partner and I were together. This is not how he's written. His expressions do not reflect shock or awkwardness when Rook flirts, nor does his tone when he responds. Do you know when he does do this? With Neve right at the start of their banter. And he overcomes that shyness quickly. He just does not acknowledge Rook speaking at all the same way any video game character does when their conversation tree is bugged, the game decided to cut some response dialogue and just transitioned directly into the neutral follow-up line. He isn't rejecting emotional intimacy because of Spite and the Ossuary prison because during the ambient dialogue it's clear he's sharing that emotional intimacy with Neve waaaaay before Rook helps him.

I just want more of his writing. Where is he and his character in this story? He's so incredibly inaccessible to us. And I know people will say that characters do not have to be emotionally available to the player (which is true! A great example of this working well is Vivienne, who is warm but not directly open if befriended.) But that should then be a consistent character trait, and it's clearly not. In fact, Lucanis is incredibly declarative about his feelings for Rook romanced or not once you hit Act 3, he's just completely missing in Act 2. Which to me is a flaw in the game's structure. And that 'missing-ness' is being read as demisexuality instead of 'hey this character's writing is actually incomplete and needs restructuring and additional scenes.' Those additional scenes could very much be as awkward and non-romantic in tone as you please, but we needed more of them. Have Lucanis visit Treviso more often to do things other than drink coffee. Have him visit other locations as well! Teach Rook how to cook a local dish, the gondola fight we saw in the concept art. Deciding after the game's poor reception that a character who is clearly only 3/4s of a character, who is lacking in so much characterisation, is the demi character? That feels bad man. Demi characters should be written with just as much care and attention, should get to express themselves in as wide a variety of circumstances, show us more of themselves and how they interact with the world. The reality is that Lucanis has the weakest romance arc in the game, and posthumously attributing that to demisexuality feels like an indictment of acespec people's ability to read the room and express emotional intimacy rather than a true attempt at representing us.

Just as Cullen's heterosexuality and preference for elves and humans is in fact a game development constraint rather than a character writing decision, and Solas' heterosexuality was a result of running out of dev time to record voice lines and re-rig cutscenes, I think we should be able to acknowledge that this version of Lucanis is not a good representation of his character in multiple ways. And that is due primarily to the development cycle rather than writerly intention.

We've had beautiful slowburn romances that were also deeply affected by character trauma throughout the Bioware series. Lucanis' is (in its present state) not one of them. Leliana, Cullen, even Alistair. I think using demisexuality or even slowburn as an 'excuse' for Lucanis' incomplete character isn't a useful way to think about his writing.

Note: This post is purely about quality of writing wrt emotional intimacy. I have zero issue with virgin Lucanis and think that fits his wider writing. I also don't wish Lucanis to be someone he's not - Zevran or Davrin or some other flirty/dommy archetype. I just don't like the casual conflation of awkwardness and inexperience with asexuality. These things do go together but also I don't think we should use demisexuality as a bandaid for poor writing because it reflects poorly on our understanding of ourselves and the community.

#dragon age the veilguard #da veilguard spoilers #rookanis #lucanis dellamorte #rook (dragon age)

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paradoxic-ally · 20 hours ago

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Nevermore Theory

Alright, I’m finally going to go out and post my own Nevermore theory, now that the comic has returned. A lot of the things I wanna talk about are already pretty popular subjects of theory in the fandom (“Who killed Annabel Lee?”), but I wanna tackle a few points I rarely see addressed.

I am going to put all of this under the general thesis of: “The deans don’t lie, but they deliberately mislead.”

Unscientifically speaking, every time the deans come out and tell us something, my bullshit senses go off big time! I want to focus on two main claims they have made, that influence how we view the story in a major way: Who killed Annabel Lee and What’s up with the new life?

1. Who killed Annabel Lee?

I feel it necessary to type out the exact wording the deans use, because it is often misread or misremembered. Don’t worry, that is by design!

“Betrayed by the one who loved you above all else.”

“Who loved YOU” and not “Who YOU loved”. I think that distinction is very important and easily missed. Especially since the expressed purpose of the deans in that scene is to drive a wedge in Annabel and Lenore’s relationship. Now, you could easily argue, that this still points to Lenore. The two of them are the No. 1 relationship to root for after all. But this is where the second part of the statement comes in: “above all else”. In my opinion, Lenore has already demonstrated that she can and will put other things above Annabel Lee (divorce arc anyone?). I don’t doubt, that Lenore and Annabel were a lot closer when they were still alive, but I also don’t doubt that this is one of Lenore’s core personality traits. The other thing I want to point out is, that you don’t have control about “who loves you the most.” You would hope it is your significant other, or maybe a good friend or even a parent. But you can’t really know that. Which brings me to another part of this theory: “Well, who did it then?”

Short answer, I don’t know, but I have a hunch.

First off, I kind of dismissed her father as a suspect by personal preference. We don’t have a lot to go off here, but I think he is too dismissive of her to fit the description. I’m particularly thinking about the scene where he gushed to “Leo” about boats, rather than playing wingman for his daughter.

My main suspect is instead Annabel’s nameless suitor. We don’t know much about him, other than he has already challenged Annabel multiple times (showing dedication). She says: “I’ve defeated the poor fellow a dozen times now, but he is terribly persistent.” Her father has promised him, that at the end of the season he can marry Annabel if she hasn’t found a husband by then. I can imagine how angry he might be, if that plan doesn’t shake out and she gets engaged to another man, right before he finally gets his wish.

Coming back to the deans, I think we can find that they very deliberately chose their words to lead to a false conclusion. Annabel might know who she loves above all else, but she can’t know who would love her in that way. She is left to make assumptions and we along with her. The words “love” and “betrayal” point to someone close to her, and since she died on her wedding day we are lead to a most likely suspect. That’s how we skip over the precise details of the claim. And the deans have never even uttered a lie.

2. What about the new life?

“If you survive these exams you’ll get a chance at a new life.”

That’s the first claim we get from the deans about the prize waiting at the end of nevermore academy. And it is frustratingly vague. Luckily, we already know the first trick they pulled with that one, so we can take that as a guide to analyse it further. This short little claim lets you read almost anything you want into it. It doesn’t specify how many students are allowed to claim the price or, even more importantly, how tose exams will be designed. By leaving out information the automatic assumption is: “Everyone who passes the exams, gets a chance at a new life.” However if these exams ever are designed to only allow a single winner, then only one person would be able to clear the win condition. Nobody would think about any of this, when presented with such an opportunity. It’s why all hell breaks loose when they finally reveal the reward will only be granted to one student. Speaking of which, their wording changes a bit in that reveal.

“…and to the one lucky student amongst you who will be born again.”

Born again is new. It implies at least to some degree a fresh start. Not simply a continuation from where you left off. But that’s another problem. We do not know a single thing about what that new life entails. The students are too caught up in the urgency of the whole situation. They are dead. The deans are offering a way to return. That is all that matters. We hear what we want to hear. I think if we were to ask every student, every one would want something different out of the new life. I doubt Pluto would like to return to how things were.

What the new life looks like is impossible to say, and it is once more designed that way. I still would like to theorise. My personal pet theory is, that you return to the world of the living as a spectre. This is why the deans push students to manifest train their powers. Students with strong spectres are shown favouritisms and exams are designed to eliminate students who haven’t manifested. If you were to return to the world of the living as a human, what good would your spectres do you?

Im conclusion, the deans use our own assumptions against us, by being deliberately vague on important subjects. At the same time, they have yet to outright lie about something. They simply don’t tell you things. To me, that means double checking everything they say. It is kind of like uttering a wish to a djinn or dealing with fae. Be really mindful of the wording and how it may be used against you.

Thanks for reading this far and please let me know if I have missed something, especially if it debunks some of my claims. I am happy to hear your thoughts :)

#nevermore webtoon #nevermore webcomic #nevermore theory #ally rambles

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hellfiresky · 3 days ago

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Did you buy the jogan fruit?

Summary: Wolffe insists he hates your favourite show, but he knows all the characters (and has strong opinions). You insist his jogan tarts are the best, and you’re not above using affection to get one.

Pairing: Wolffe x F!Reader

Warnings: Sex. Smut. 18+. Minors DNI.

This smut probably isn’t the hottest thing out there, but that’s kind of the point. I like playing with the idea that sex doesn’t always have to be some romantic or hyper-intense performance - it can just be another part of a relationship. Sometimes, it’s just comfortable, something you do whilst catching up on your day, cracking jokes, or bickering over jogan fruit. It’s intimacy in the mundane, and gosh if you know me, you know how much I adore the mundane and the banal.

Smut ahead. Do not keep reading if you’re under 18!

Taglist: @orangez3st

—————————

The sink was full with dishes you should’ve cleaned an hour ago, but you’d gotten distracted scrolling through something unimportant, and now the caf in your mug had gone cold. You rinsed it out, set it down. The chrono on the wall said late - but not too late. Late enough that Wolffe should be home soon. The apartment was quiet. Outside, the traffic droned on like white noise, Coruscant’s city lights slowly came alive over the window blinds. You rubbed at your neck, stretching a little, the warmth of the day still clinging to your skin. It had been a long one. Not bad, just… long.

You heard the familiar hiss of the front door sliding open. A heavy sigh. The unmistakable sound of armour moving. The clunk of heavy boots hitting the floor one by one. Then—

“Shinies need to get their shit together.”

You smiled to yourself, drying your hands on a towel as Wolffe stepped into the kitchen, rolling his shoulders like the weight of command hadn’t quite settled yet. His blacks hugged him, sweat around the collar, hair slightly mussed. He looked tired. More than tired.

“You sound like an old man.” You leaned against the counter, watching him.

“I am an old man,” he pressed his palms on his lower back with a slight wince. “Physically, at least.”

You snorted, reaching for the cupboard. “You want caf?”

“Nah.” He stepped behind you, pressing a quick, absentminded kiss to your temple before resting his chin on your shoulder, exhaling deeply. “Kriff. Today was long.”

“Yeah?” You rested your hands over his where they settled at your waist.

“Yeah. Shinies kept missing their marks in drills. Had to run ‘em through it five times before they stopped embarrassing themselves.”

“You sound so proud.”

“I would be! If they weren’t so damn slow.”

You chuckled, squeezing his fingers before slipping out of his hold. “Go shower, old man. I can smell the armour stank.”

He made a face. “You love it.”

“Debatable.”

He grumbled something under his breath but listened, taking off the armour pieces, and tugged his shirt over his head as he headed for the ‘fresher. The moment the door shut, you sighed, stretching again. The tiny kitchen droid blinked at you. The dishes still sat in the sink. The microwave probably needed fixing. None of it was urgent, none of it was important, but all of it was there. You rolled your shoulders, letting the familiar mundanity of it settle in.

“You want anything to eat? I made cream soup and bought that nerf burger on the way home from The Hub.” You called out from the bedroom, picking up his discarded blacks and tossing them into the shared laundry bin. The laundry droid from your go-to laundry by kilo place would swing by in the morning, same as always, before you headed back to the Hub. You’d set it up ages ago - automated pickups and drop-offs. It was a necessity, really. The last thing you wanted was to get flagged for laundering blood-stained blacks in the middle of CoCo Town. The GAR had its own facilities, sure, but with a commander practically living in your apartment whenever he wasn’t on the frontlines, his clothes had inevitably started blending in with yours.

No answer. He always took his time in the ‘fresher, you’ve always loved how steamy and warm your fresher would be after his shower, though. Your apartment sat on the surface level of Coruscant, tucked into a quieter corner of CoCo Town - close enough to the underworld portal for easy access, far enough from the worst of it to avoid unnecessary danger. A good spot. One you’d spent years curating. The Hub, though - that was deeper. Lower levels. A small co-working space with communal terminals, and workstations where slicers came and went, sharing access codes and decryption scripts over cups of stale caf. It wasn’t glamorous, but it was home - or as close as a place like that could get.

You grabbed a dirty shirt from the chair and tossed it to the bin alongside Wolffe’s blacks. The sheets on the bed were still messy from where you’d been lying earlier. You debated fixing them, but - nah. You’d just end up messing them up again soon enough.

The water shut off. Then Wolffe’s voice, rough from the steam filled the space.

“You ate yet?”

“Not really.”

A grumble. “Then I’ll take the soup. You can eat the burger.”

“Figured. I’ll heat it up.”

Dinner was nice. Well, as nice as homemade soup and a fast-food nerf burger could be. You both ate quietly at the small dinner table, the one that folded up into a workspace when needed, your favourite piece of modular furniture in the apartment. Easily the best thing you’d ever spent your adult credits on. Wolffe, freshly showered, dug into the soup. Between bites, he started grumbling about his most recent mission to Aleen - the same one he’d just returned from last week. Apparently, it had been hell. Not because of the planet itself, or even the mission, but because of some golden droid who wouldn’t shut up.

“He talked the entire time,” Wolffe shook his head. “I thought protocol droids were supposed to be helpful.”

“Maybe he was helpful. Just not in the way you wanted.”

Wolffe rolled his eyes before continuing. “You don’t understand. The relief mission itself? Fine. No problems. But that droid - he wouldn’t shut up. Narrated everything like some kind of sports commentator.” He scoffed. “Kept trailing behind me, throwing out ‘fun facts,’ trying to translate every little detail to the Aleenas.” He straightened slightly before straining his voice to a posh Coruscanti accent ‘We have been quite on an adventure, Commander Wolffe!’

That almost made you choke on your drink. “The fuck was that?!”

“Every. Damn. Minute.”

You let out a full belly laugh. It was kind of surreal, watching this man - Commander Wolffe, the guy who had lost an eye in the battle of Khorm to a Sith acolyte, who had once been stranded in the vacuum of space with only a handful of his men and still made it out alive - obsessing over what was, by all accounts, a fever dream of a relief aid mission.

“The Sith acolyte didn’t break you, getting spaced didn’t break you, but this droid did?”

Wolffe groaned, running a hand down his face. “I swear, I’d take another orbital skirmish over that mission any day.”

After dinner, Wolffe took over dish duty, cleaning plates in the sink whilst you made your escape to the bedroom. A fair trade - you cooked, he cleaned. It was an unspoken rule by now, one of the small, automatic rhythms of living together. You laid out on the bed, pulling up the latest episode of Sex and the Ecumenopolis - the old holoseries you were only watching because your friend had roped you into it. Wolffe hated it. Or at least, that’s what he claimed.

The bedroom door slid shut, followed by the sound of a dramatic sigh. “Naw, not this again.”

The mattress dipped as he threw himself down beside you. He barely spared the screen a glance before grabbing his datapad, thumbing through the reports his men had submitted.

You smirked, nudging his shoulder. “You know you don’t have to stay.”

“I was here first,” he muttered, eyes still on his datapad.

“You were not.”

Wolffe just grunted, scrolling through casualty assessments like he wasn’t very aware of the episode’s plot - because you knew he was. He’d sat through enough of this show to absorb its nonsense, no matter how much he insisted otherwise. And this episode? Oh, this one had gotten to him. Because the thing was, he had been outraged - outraged - about the tragic arc of Mireena and her doomed situationship with a man in a promotional sandwich costume. A sandwich, of all things.

“She was a lawyer,” Wolffe muttered under his breath, still flipping through reports. “And he was a sandwich. That was a real quote from the show. Maker help me.”

You bit down a laugh, already knowing where this was going. He kept going. “She had a whole career. A life. And he—” his left hand gestured vaguely at the holo, not even looking up from his datapad, “—was walking around dressed as a goddamn Ronto Wrap.”

You grinned. “So you were invested.”

“I’m saying it was stupid.”

“Uh-huh.”

Wolffe finally looked up with an unimpressed stare. “You’re telling me you didn’t think it was ridiculous?”

“Oh, no, it was completely ridiculous,” you admitted. “But it’s a pre-Clone Wars holoseries, Commander, ridiculous is the point.”

He pinched the bridge of his nose. “They made me care about a man in a sandwich costume.”

“They really did.”

“They never even showed his face,” he muttered, almost to himself.

Because here’s the thing - he could complain all he wanted, but you knew the truth. Not only did he know all the characters, he had opinions. Strong ones. And, most damning of all - he had a favourite.

Sahm’ara Joans. The self-made entrepreneur, the no-nonsense, I’ll burn this city down before I let a man waste my time woman. Wolffe swore up and down that she was the only tolerable character, but you knew better. He liked her. No, he respected her. Every time she delivered a one-liner or completely dismantled some poor bastard in the dating scene, you’d catch the slightest smirk on his face, like he was privately rooting for her.

On the other hand, there was Kaari Breesaw, who Wolffe detested. “She has the emotional intelligence of a gundark,” he grumbled once, after Kaari had, for the fifth time, thrown herself back into the orbit of ‘Big O’, a wealthy shipping tycoon with all the charm of a typical finance bro in the Financial District. “She knows he’s an asshole. She knows he’s gonna screw her over. And she still—” He’d jab his finger at the holoseries as if that would explain something.

“She’s in love,” you teased.

“She’s stupid.”

The best part? This was a recurring argument. Every time Sex and the Ecumenopolis cycled back to Kaari making yet another terrible decision, Wolffe’s patience wore thinner and thinner, until one day, he’d just flat-out refused to acknowledge her storyline at all.

“She’s dead to me,” he’d declared. “Tell me when they’re back to Sahm’ara.”

And now, predictably, after the sandwich episode ended - he peeked over the edge of his datapad again. “Where’s Sahm’ara? Why does Kaari dominate this episode?” You barely looked away from the holo. “You know she’s literally the one narrating the story, right?”

“Mm. Don’t care.” His voice was flat, unimpressed. “They should give Sahm’ara the narration. At least she has a point.” You chuckled but didn’t argue. He had a habit of deciding exactly how a show should be structured and then getting personally offended when it didn’t conform to his vision.

You felt the shift in the mattress before you felt him - the warmth of his breath ghosting over your skin as he leaned in, pressing his face against the curve of your neck. His datapad landed on the bedside table with a quiet thud, forgotten in favour of something else entirely. “How was your day?” he dropped his voice to a raspy murmur. His arm slung lazily around your waist, fingers tracing absent patterns over your hip like muscle memory.

“Good.” You tilted your head slightly to give him better access as his lips brushed along your neck. “My team and I managed to slice into that CIS propaganda holonet site - took most of the data down.”

Wolffe hummed against your skin, half-listening, half-distracted as he worked his way lower, his hand slipping under the hem of your shirt, and grazed up to cup your breast. “We rerouted their entire login system,” you continued, running your fingers through his cropped hair. It was still slightly damp from his shower, warm against your palm. “Every time they try to access their own files, it just redirects them to a looping video of a Toydarian singing Never Gonna Give You Down in Huttese.”

That actually got a huff of amusement from him. “Efficient.”

“Oh, and we stole some of their encrypted comms, rerouted a few of their shadow accounts into charity funds, the usual.” It was a routine for you, as if you were just recounting errands, rather than digital sabotage against the Separatists. “Big win for the cause.”

“Big win,” he murmured against your collarbone, nipping lightly before pressing a softer kiss in the same spot. His voice was growing raspier. You giggled, squirming as his two-days-old stubble scraped against your skin. “You’re not even listening, are you?”

“I am.” He kissed the underside of your jaw, exhaling warm against your skin. “Toydarian. Huttese. You’re very disruptive.”

“Oh, I’m disruptive?”

His lips curled against your throat before he shifted on top of you, his weight pressing more firmly against you, his hand sliding lower. “Mhm.”

“What about you?” You pressed a lingering kiss to the top of his head. “Anything else aside from the shiny training?”

Wolffe exhaled, his breath sent a heat straight to your core, he was clearly reluctant to re-engage with the topic now that he had his mouth on your skin. His hand moved down to the band of your trousers, slipping it halfway there before he finally muttered, “Briefing. Patrols. More briefings. Argued with a senator’s aide about the next relief mission logistics - again.”

You hummed, still dragging your nails lightly over the back of his scalp. “Win?”

“Does anyone ever win against bureaucracy?”

“Fair point.”

He sighed, resting his forehead against your shoulder for a moment. “Came this close to telling them to shove their ‘budget constraints’ straight up their senatorial asses.”

You snorted. “And yet, you restrained yourself. Personal growth.”

“Barely,” he muttered. His hand finally snaked down under your trousers in a slow and lazy rhythm, like his body was already more interested in other things. “Kinda wish Fox and I were still in the same unit. I would’ve let him handle it. He actually likes dealing with politicians.”

You sighed, his hand moving down your leg making your breath hitch. "Don't I know it," you said, voice raspy. "But someone's gotta help keep those senators in check. Maybe one day, you'll find a way to enjoy it." You ran your fingers through his hair again, closing your eyes. He hummed in response, nuzzling deeper into your neck. "Maybe. For now, though..." He trailed off, his fingers finally found their way into your clit, circling gently. You arched into the touch without thinking about it, moaning softly as he dipped one finger straight into your sensitive spot and began to tease it. Your head fell back on the pillow as a wave of pleasure coursed through you, overwhelming any lingering thoughts of work or stress. The sounds of the holoseries and the city outside faded away, replaced by the sounds of your breath and the soft rustling of sheets against skin.

"Maker, Wolffe," you panted, hooking an arm around his neck to pull him closer. "You're so good at this." His only response was a low grunt against your skin that sent a shiver down your spine. “You wanna fuck?” He looked up.

You blinked at him. “Duh. Why are you stopping?”

Wolffe rolled his eyes as he reached down to undo the tie on your trousers. “Because this thing is kriffing tight - almost cut off the circulation in my hand.” He gave you an unimpressed glare, fingers tugging at the waistband in irritation.

You giggled, still breathless. “Sorry, didn’t realise my loungewear was a hazard.”

“It is. I’m filing a report.”

You let out a huff of laughter, lifting your hips to help him along. This was just how it was with him. After so long together, this - the teasing, the grumbling, the way he always found something to complain about even whilst he was actively seducing you - felt as much a part of the moment as anything else. Sex with Wolffe wasn’t always some kinky planet-shattering affair. Sometimes, it was just another way to be close. A quiet affection between two people who had already seen each other at their worst and still wanted to crawl into bed together at the end of the day.

"There you go," he muttered, tugging your trousers down and tossing them to the floor without a second thought. You squinted at him. "Boo, you missed the laundry bin."

Wolffe didn’t even look at where they’d landed, just gave you a noncommittal shrug. “Not my problem.”

"Oh, it will be," you warned playfully, wrapping your legs around his waist to pull him closer. "I'll make you pick them up later."

Wolffe raised an eyebrow, his hands sliding up your thighs. "Is that a threat or a promise?"

"Both," you breathed, arching into his touch. "Now, are you going to keep complaining about my clothes or are you going to do something about the fact that I'm not wearing any?"

A wolfish grin spread across his face. "I think I can fix the laundry later."

He leaned down, capturing your lips in a searing kiss that made you forget all about the discarded joggers before taking his own trousers off. His hands roamed your body, leaving trails of heat in their wake. You gasped into his mouth as he grind against you.

"Wolffe," you whined, breaking the kiss. "Please..."

"Impatient, aren't we?"

You huffed, about to retort, when he suddenly moved to align himself with your entrance. The words died in your throat as he slowly pushed in, stretching you in the most exquisite way.

"Maker," you breathed, clutching at his shoulders. Wolffe grunted in agreement, his forehead resting against yours as he bottomed out. For a moment, you both stayed still, savouring the connection. Then, Wolffe began to move. His thrusts were slow at first, drawing out soft gasps and moans from you both. You clung to him, one hand tangled in his hair while the other traced the scars on his back - a map of his history that you'd long since memorised.

"Faster," you urged, nipping at his earlobe. "Please, Wolffe."

He obliged, picking up the pace. The room filled with the sound of skin against skin and breathless moans. You pushed your hip back, meeting him thrust for thrust, chasing that building pleasure. "That's it," Wolffe’s voice was rough with desire. "Just like that, cyar'ika."

The Mando'a endearment sent a thrill through you, as it always did. You loved when he slipped into his native tongue during intimate moments. "Kriff, you feel good," Wolffe growled, his cybernetic eye reflecting the city lights from outside of your window as he gazed down at you.

"Anyway, what's going on with your neighbour?" he asked, maintaining his relentless rhythm. "Mmh, which one?" you managed to respond, trying to focus despite the overwhelming sensations that made coherent thought nearly impossible. The way he moved inside you was intoxicating, but there was something thrilling about the contrasting normalcy of your relationship - how you could be lost in each other yet still discuss the mundane details of life.

"The new one," he panted, letting your fingers dig into his shoulders. "The one who moved in last week."

"Oh, that guy." You whined as he pulled out. "Tall, dark, and handsome. Like you, but with a stupid amount of abs, cause, you know, Zabrak–oh, fuck! And a really nice ass." You gasped as he plunged back in, his hips meeting yours in rhythm again. "Shit, Wolffe," you moaned, your eyes rolling back in your head. “And he has the sexiest Dathomirian accent.”

Wolffe snorted, clearly amused. "He does, doesn’t he? Well, maybe we should invite him over for some drinks." You laughed despite yourself. "Yeah right. As if he could handle the two of us." Your body tensed and then exploded in a rush of pleasure around him. For a moment, there was silence between you both - just the sounds of your heavy breathing and his steady thrusts - before you spoke again. "I just came."

"As you should," Wolffe growled, his pace increasing as he chased his own release. "You're so fucking beautiful when you come."

You moaned, oversensitive but still loving every moment. Your hands roamed his back, feeling the muscles flex with each thrust. "Come on, Wolffe," you encouraged, nipping at his jaw. "Let go for me."

His rhythm faltered, becoming erratic as he neared the edge. You clenched around him, drawing a strangled groan from his throat. "Cyar'ika," he panted, burying his face in your neck. With a final, deep thrust, Wolffe stilled, groaning your name as he came. You held him close, enjoying the warmth he spilled inside you whilst rubbing your hand on his back as he shuddered through his release.

“Did you buy the jogan fruit?” You suddenly asked, still out of breath, and completely blissed out.

Wolffe let out a muffled groan against your neck. "Really? That's what you're thinking about right now?" You chuckled, still caressing his back. "Well, you did promise to make that jogan fruit tart I like. That recipe you learnt from Gregor?"

He lifted his head to look at you, his face was a cocktail of exasperation and fondness. "I'm still inside you, and you're worried about dessert?"

"I work up an appetite after good sex," you teased, pressing a quick kiss to his nose. Wolffe rolled his eyes but couldn't hide his smirk. "Fine. Yes, I bought your precious jogan fruit. It's in the kitchen."

You grinned, pecking him on the lips. "Good boy."

He slowly pulled out, both of you hissing at the sensation, before collapsing beside you on the bed. You turned to face him, tracing lazy patterns on his chest. "So, about that tart..." you began.

Wolffe groaned, throwing an arm over his face. "Maker, you're insatiable. And I don't mean just for sex."

You laughed, snuggling closer to him. "You love it."

"Force help me, I do," he pulled you snugly against his side. You nestled your head on his chest, where the rhythm of his heartbeat gradually slowed to normal, giving a comforting lullaby. "We should shower," you murmured softly after a moment, though you remained comfortably wrapped in his embrace, making no attempt to move. Wolffe's voice was a gentle rumble as he responded, "I have showered."

“Again?” you teased, fluttering your eyelashes at him. His laughter was a warm vibration under your cheek as he reached up to playfully tousle your hair. "Since when did that work?"

"Since never," you admitted with a grin, pressing a kiss to his chest. "But it was worth a shot."

Wolffe hummed noncommittally, kissing the top of your head. "In a minute. I'm comfortable." You couldn't argue with that. The warmth of his body and his musky scent were lulling you into a peaceful state. You let out a contented sigh, snuggling closer.

"So," Wolffe broke the silence after a few moments, "Tell me more about this neighbour of yours. The one with the 'stupid amount of abs' and 'really nice ass'."

You playfully swat his chest. "Jealous, Commander?"

"Hardly," he scoffed, but his arm tightened around you. "Just curious about the competition.”

“He has a boyfriend,” you giggled. "Oh?" Wolffe's eyebrow shot up. "And how do you know that?"

You shrugged. "Saw them together in the turbolift. Very handsy. His boyfriend is a Twi'lek."

A raspy chuckle reverberating through his chest. "Well, cyar’ika, there goes your fantasy threesome."

"Who said anything about a threesome fantasy?" you propped yourself up on an elbow to look at him. "Maybe I was thinking about a foursome."

"Hmm, I'm not sure how I feel about sharing you."

“What about making me a jogan tart?”

"You're not going to let that go, are you?"

"Nope," you grinned, popping the 'p'. "I've been craving it all week."

He sighed in exasperation, but you could see the affection in his eyes. "Fine. Let me clean up and I'll start on it."

You beamed, pressing a quick kiss to his lips before rolling off him. "You're the best."

"I know," he said, but before you could get too far, he grabbed your wrist and pulled you right back in, kissing you slow, indulgent, giving you all the time he had in the galaxy.

Then, with that military efficiency, he got off the bed and headed straight for the kitchen, already on his next mission. You flopped onto your back, grinning at the ceiling, the warmth of the moment still cocooning you. The episode of Sex and the Ecumenopolis that had been playing in the background was long over, replaced by the holoseries app’s main menu, idly looping trailers for other shows you had no intention of watching. You grabbed the remote and switched off the holovision. No need to waste credits on unnecessary power - especially not when Wolffe was already rolling his eyes at the last utility bill.

Jogan tart secured. Mission accomplished.

#star wars #hellfiresky #clone wars fic #tcw #commander wolffe x reader #x reader #clone x reader #star wars fanfiction #commander wolffe fic #smut #f!reader

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teddywesworl · 2 days ago

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Thanks for taking the time to answer so thoroughly! I hesitated asking exactly because I thought like "will this cause a fuss?" since usually when someone shares an opinion its like blood in the water for people to be contrarian and mad BUT I like hearing people opinions and I'm glad I asked!! And this is kind of the flip side of the same coin, but because I so thoroughly enjoy the way you write him...what aspects of the character Steve do you see as like idk "foundational" or really important to who he is/how he acts/thinks/talks? Like obviously there's all the disclaimers about interpretation (and also even thoughts on what is interpretation and what is just there in the material) but just yeah - you, your thoughts pls share if you want

yeah blood in the water is right!!!! ok to me.... to me. steve harrington is fundamentally a guy with immense social power and privilege (relative to his small town 80s indiana environment) who repeatedly and intentionally foregoes that social power and privilege (as well as his own safety and physical wellbeing) for love. that's the Core Drive of Steve Harrington, to me. AND!!! the love he does this shit for, over and over, comes from somebody socially outcast as Other.

he scrubs that graffiti about nancy off the movie theater marquee. he goes back into the byers house and swings a nail bat at a hell monster. he goes along with dustin's schemes. he stands between billy and the kids. he takes attention off robin in the bunker. every time he makes one of those choices, he loses power and privilege, and he moves closer to Otherness. does he think of these choices as sacrifices of status? that's up to you. has he internalized these sacrifices as something he owes in order to earn love? i think so

so yeah with this in mind you might notice that uhhhhh most? all? of my steddie fics involve steve harrington moving inexorably toward Otherness, making a choice or being forced into a very weird situation, and then flipping the script and turning the Otherness itself into a kind of power. because i, the author, think Otherness rules lmao

#anon

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weresehlat · 2 days ago

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Omg welcome to the fandom!!!!! I'm so glad you found your way here, and have decided to contribute meta this excellent!

That's such a fascinating road to the fandom, and definitely very different from my own lol. I also entered through TOS fandom (waaay back in the distant year of 2012), but was very quickly sucked into AOS fandom at the time because it was still going strong, and everyone was anticipating the AOS remake of Wrath of Khan (lolsob). Since it was pre-AO3 open beta, I was crawling primarily through the LJ and independent archive communities though. I'll also add the disclaimer to my tags above that I think there's a VERY strong possibility I just have a selective memory about what was "most popular" back then because your meta so strongly aligns with the most logical conclusion to take from the evidence presented in the ep itself + supporting characterization from TOS. And because your meta is so logical and based in the facts of the source material, it also happened to be the position taken by the authors of fics that gained the most popularity in general within both TOS and AOS fandom spaces I was inhabiting. And because the fics those authors wrote were so formative for me.... they continue to stick out well over a decade later in my brain lol. I suspect there might be some lingering influence of the implications of NU!Kirk's chronic illnesses in the general perception of TOS!Kirk's experience of Tarsus, specifically in why people assign him 'guilt of witnessing a genocide he wasn't subject to.' Like, when you have a version of Kirk who's so much more vulnerable to eugenics on the basis of "survival of the fittest" due to his VERY overt disabilities* I think it's easier to dismiss TOS!Kirk as a potential victim because "he's so much better off than NU!Kirk." But that does fundamentally erase the fact that the eugenic logic of a genocidal dictator is INNATELY faulty, and wouldn't necessarily align with the modern, progressive logic of "but he's so smart and healthy and conventionally handsome!" That's Not How Eugenics Actually Works, and the original TOS team (as you pointed out) was very intimately familiar with the actual implementation of eugenic logic during a genocide. My opinion on why they didn't include Tarsus in AOS!Kirk's backstory generally boils down to "JJ Abrams does not give one single sincere shit about Star Trek as a franchise" lmao, which is neither new nor unpopular. Much easier and more marketable to just make Kirk a delinquent with a working absent single mother + daddy issues than to sincerely explore the impact of witnessing a genocide at a formative age. God forbid that he have a personal traumatic stake in the fallout of the genocide of Vulcan! That's SPOCK'S thing! (Insert grimace here) You're very welcome for the reply! It's been a while since I've seen some truly thoughtful, engaging meta, and I'm delighted by the opportunity to participate in a discussion like this :) If you aren't aware of it already, I highly HIGHLY recommend checking out the K/S Archive collection on AO3. It was the first place I read fanfic outside of fanfiction.net, and the archive had a lot of imported TOS fics originally published in Zines in the 70s and 80s. The fics might show up in the general AO3 tag, but ime it's easier with Open Doors fics to just go through the archive collection than try to sort through the fics posted to AO3 first. (I'm SO sad to discover that the original archive is now gone, I can't even tell you, but thank god for AO3 and Open Doors. And the K/S archive collection really is a phenomenal repository of historical fanworks).

*Since you're not as interested in ST:AOS as TOS, I won't go further into this than to add the footnote that there has been A Lot of meta responding to AOS!Kirk as an overtly disabled man, through a disability lens, and analyzing why and how his autoimmune disorders are treated as a punchline and not a fundamental part of his characterization and the implications thereof. Not super relevant to the discussion of TOS!Kirk and Tarsus though

Okay, so this is the Tarsus IV post I vaguely threatened alluded to a few days ago. I wrote most of it before last night's grumbling about movie Kirk, btw, so it's not a result of that; I was already thinking about what we know about Kirk and the Tarsus IV massacre from TOS, and what speculations and headcanons make the most sense to me in the context of TOS. I just waited until today to post it because I wasn't quite done yesterday.

Anyway, I was going over the finer details of "The Conscience of the King" to figure this out, and ended up with a ton of thoughts about the Tarsus IV backstory. So here are my (many) personal takeaways:

Firstly, there's a vague reference to some kind of local coup or uprising that put Governor Kodos in power, I think shortly before the food supply crisis. We don't get any details about the uprising from TOS, though the next to last version of the episode's script did mention Kodos setting himself up as a messianic figure once the coup succeeded. In any case, his power grab was certainly reinforced by the starvation crisis, as revealed by Spock's research:

"there were over eight thousand colonists and virtually no food. And that was when Governor Kodos seized full power and declared emergency martial law."

As far as we know in TOS, the crisis was set off by chance: an exotic fungus happened to destroy most of the colony's food supply, and it wasn't clear when relief would arrive. In fact, the Federation did send relief to the colony, per their usual practice, but it took them long enough to get there that the situation had become dire by then. Nearly all food was gone and the colonists were starving; the episode implies that some had even started committing suicide. Nevertheless, the Federation relief force arrived sooner than expected.

Kodos tries to argue in "The Conscience of the King" that the Federation's relief showing up so soon was just luck and he couldn't have guessed it would happen. But given what we know about the Federation as an institution, and given the urgent pressure the Federation puts on the Enterprise crew in multiple episodes to get food/supplies/medicine to some colony or another, it seems like there is a pretty competent, long-established Federation infrastructure for addressing crises like this. In reality, Kodos used the circumstances to justify something he already believed in and wanted to try implementing.

That thing was eugenics. This isn't ambiguous; the aired episode explicitly describes his atrocities as based on eugenics. The starvation of the colony gave Kodos the opportunity to put his theories into action.

He declared that half the colony would be executed, and the remaining food distributed among the other half. Moreover, the assignment of each colonist to either group was determined by Kodos's conception and judgment of genetic superiority. The genetically inferior half of the population, according to Kodos, was executed, and the genetically superior survivors (again, according to Kodos) were given all the food supplies. Kodos's exact words at the time to those slated to die included these lines:

"Your continued existence represents a threat to the well-being of society. Your lives mean slow death to the more valued members of the colony."

Kirk says of Kodos's full speech to those chosen for death:

"I remember the words. I wrote them down. [...] Are you sure you didn't act this role out in front of a captive audience whom you blasted out of existence without mercy?"

In the episode, Spock condemns Kodos in similar terms as "without mercy" and "ruthless," and is clearly horrified by what he's discovered:

"Children watching their parents die. Whole families destroyed. Over four thousand people. They died quickly, without pain, but they died."

The means by which Kodos had thousands of civilians killed isn't stated in the episode. As we see in the above quote, though, it seems to have been done very rapidly.

In an earlier draft, there's mention of some kind of re-purposed anti-matter chamber as the mechanism, and Kodos deliberately "sparing" Kirk while making him watch as the chamber switch was flipped. In that version, Kirk seems to be personally targeted for some reason, where in the episode as it is, he's just one of several random eyewitnesses who survived. I personally prefer the episode's version, which I think better fits a narrative around a mass-scale atrocity.

Anyway, there's another take on the massacre where the thousands of civilians slated for execution were gunned down with phasers, but I find that more difficult to reconcile with Spock's description, which sounds more mechanized and efficient to me. I do think there's reason to believe phasers or some other form of advanced weaponry did get used in the course of events, but not in the executions—more on that later.

As I mentioned in my poll, Kirk is established in TOS as being only 33 during "The Conscience of the King," and thus was only 13 when he personally saw all this (the episode repeatedly insists the atrocity took place exactly twenty years earlier—I think the emphasis on this time gap is important). There is no explanation in TOS of why 13-year-old Kirk seems to be the only member of his family who was present for this—and certainly the only one of the Kirks to personally see Kodos—though earlier drafts do have various explanations that make sense.

For instance, there was an idea floating around the drafting process that Kirk might have been a young midshipman stationed on Tarsus IV during the massacre, not a child. His exact age in TOS was up in the air until the second season explicitly established his then-current age as 34. So that idea is not at all canon, but did internally make sense, since there'd be no reason for his relatives to be posted with him.

There's also a fairly late script in which Kirk's father was among those killed. I believe Kirk Sr was already envisioned as a Starfleet officer at that point, and had been assigned to a post on Tarsus IV some time earlier, which is how a boy born in the Midwest ended up living in a remote colony as a child. However, as I understand, the writers were forced to remove the reference to Kirk's father getting killed because higher-ups didn't want to nail down Kirk's history too much in S1, in case they later wanted to take his family in a different direction.

IIRC, TOS never did do anything with Kirk's parents and we're never even told in the show if they're currently alive or dead, much less told anything about their roles during the massacre. His brother Sam Kirk was envisioned as 10 years older than James (I think the new shows shrink this, but that's irrelevant to the TOS production process), so it also made sense that Sam wasn't there, since he'd have been in his 20s and early in his own career elsewhere. (Sam and his family are mentioned in both earlier and later S1 episodes, so "they hadn't invented him yet" isn't the reason for his absence.)

Beyond all that, another detail I find interesting is that Kodos's speech announcing the impending massacre is preserved in some kind of audio file that Kirk has access to on the Enterprise. Kirk gives "Karidian" a copy of the exact words of this speech and orders him to read it aloud, and has the computers run a vocal comparison between that reading and the original recording. The computer analysis strongly indicates that both speeches were delivered by the same person, but lacks 100% certainty—perhaps due to vocal changes over the last 20 years, perhaps to a difference in the quality of the recordings or some other reason.

However, we don't actually know who recorded the original speech; since so few survivors ever got near enough to even see or hear Kodos in person, maybe the recording was done by Kodos himself or one of his people, and recovered later by Starfleet. The speech only addresses the colonists slated for death, suggesting that the 4000 chosen for survival had already been separated out. But it's possible that it was one or more of the colonists themselves who managed to record the speech.

Only nine of the survivors ever personally set eyes on Kodos (this seems to again imply that those selected for survival were mainly not present during the speech). There's a preserved photograph of him from that era, but that's all, and one of the reasons he's able to evade discovery for so long is because of the vanishingly few people involved who had ever seen him—this is not only canon but a major plot point in "The Conscience of the King."

I read on the wiki that there's a book about the whole thing, and in that version, Kirk never actually saw Kodos and just found a picture in a database, which honestly I think is stupid as fuck and makes no sense in terms of the episode as written (though very typical of corporate franchises watering down the horror of some element of an original, less sanitized story in later byproducts). In "The Conscience of the King," though, Leighton, Kirk, and Riley are explicitly stated to be among the nine survivors who saw Kodos personally.

It's never explained why they were among this small group of eyewitnesses, especially considering that Kirk and Riley would have been children at the time and Leighton was quite young.

Another intriguing data point is the fact that half of Leighton's face is very heavily damaged, and it does seem strongly indicated that this happened during the massacre. We don't know why, though, or how old he even was at the time—he seems older than 33-year-old Kirk, but they're good friends and rough contemporaries, so not that far apart in age.

There's also some interesting phrasing in the episode

"There were nine eyewitnesses who survived the massacre, who'd actually seen Kodos with their own eyes. Jim Kirk was one of them."

This description is also from Spock after his research dive, someone unlikely to be loose with his phrasing. The general assumption, I think, is that the nine eyewitnesses (who I'm going to call the Tarsus Nine for convenience) were among those chosen for survival for eugenics purposes. The reason such a small number of them had ever seen Kodos is, presumably, that most people who'd seen him were deliberately assigned to the genetically unworthy group and killed. The Tarsus Nine were just the tiny fraction who flew under the radar.

That was my original impression, and it is possible, but there were some things I found puzzling about that scenario. For one, if the Tarsus Nine were separated with the other survivors, why are they persistently presented as the only eyewitnesses? If Leighton was separated into the survivor group, why was his face so heavily damaged in all this? Did he try to fight? Would he have been spared from death if he did? And the episode is clear that Leighton, Kirk, and Riley all heard Kodos's speech and witnessed the massacre in person.

Leighton:

I remember him. That voice. The bloody thing he did [...] Jim, Jim, I need your help. There were only eight or nine of us who actually saw Kodos. I was one, you were another.

Kirk:

But I remember. [...] I remember the words. I wrote them down. [...] All I understand is that four thousand people were needlessly butchered. [...] I saw him once, twenty years ago. Men change. Memory changes.

Riley:

He murdered my father, and my mother. I know that voice, that face, I know it. I saw it. He murdered them.

I had been considering possible explanations for the uniqueness of these nine people as the only direct eyewitnesses among some 4000 survivors + the fact that the three eyewitnesses we meet would have been so young at the time (and Spock talks specifically of children seeing their parents die) + Kirk saying he remembers hearing the speech and that he only ever saw Kodos that one time + the Tarsus Nine knowing that nobody left alive except themselves saw Kodos as governor + their very accurate estimates of how many eyewitnesses survived + Leighton's facial scars.

And then I tripped over an ancient post (on livejournal of all things—I was linked to a post unrelated to the massacre and then followed another link) that collected some of the relevant Tarsus IV quotes and offered a very simple and elegant solution.

What if the Tarsus Nine weren't assigned to the "genetically more valuable" group? What if Kirk, Riley, Leighton, and the other six were in fact considered genetically unworthy and assigned to the group slated for death? What if they're the only direct eyewitnesses because everyone else was either removed from the massacre (and never saw the speech) or killed, and that's why there are so few of them?

me: oh damn, I didn't think about that and ... whoa, I don't think the episode ever does say what group they were actually assigned to. It's possible. Holy shit.

So, here's an alternate possibility/headcanon:

4000-odd colonists including the Tarsus Nine were gathered without any knowledge of the intended massacre. They didn't know where the other colonists were or what was going on beyond starvation and martial law. None of them had ever personally seen their reclusive governor. They were just waiting with their families to find out what was going on. Kodos came out to speak to them, at last, and delivered his speech to those slated for death (hence Kirk saying in TOS that he only ever saw him once, 20 years earlier). The "survival" group didn't hear it and never saw him. But Kirk, Leighton, and Riley did—because they were supposed to die.

Kodos's description of 33-year-old Kirk is, uh, let's say intriguing in that context:

Here you stand, the perfect symbol of our technical society. Mechanized, electronized, and not very human. You've done away with humanity, the striving of man to achieve greatness through his own resources.

It's likely that these colonists and other residents didn't all go meekly to their entirely unexpected deaths. If we go with the concept of Kirk's father as a Starfleet officer serving on a post on the colony, some of these people were in Starfleet and might well have still had weaponry of some kind. They were just as hungry as the rest, but I suspect would have fought to the death against an undisguised atrocity. I think others also would have fought back against Kodos's people, despite being starved and much less well-armed (if armed at all).

In all probability, none of them expected to win, but hoped to buy time for others, especially their children, to escape (hence the conspicuous youth of the eyewitnesses). The resisting residents would have been massacred by Kodos's troops as he took control of the situation, even before thousands of more people were sent to their executions, but I imagine this resistance created enough havoc for nine children and young adults to escape with their lives (Leighton's face getting seared in the process—perhaps by a phaser set to kill that barely missed him).

Most of the literal children among the Tarsus Nine had seen their parents killed as Kodos's people took control, as had other children who didn't survive (hence Spock's description of children watching parents die and of the nine eyewitnesses directly surviving a massacre). The Tarsus Nine may have seen the other colonists forced into the execution mechanism, whatever it was, either during their escape or if any snuck out afterwards to see. Regardless, I headcanon that the Tarsus Nine found each other and hid out together (I'm assuming they ended up cooperating because they're so accurate about just how many of them there were and because I'm guessing literal children wouldn't have survived alone).

We don't know a whole lot about what was going on psychologically with them at the time. But something else I've been thinking about is the interesting ambiguity in Kirk's statement to Kodos about the original genocide speech. Kirk says, "I remember the words. I wrote them down," which seems a reference to Kirk writing the speech down during the episode to force Kodos to read it. However, something I find fascinating there (/Spock fistbump) is that Kirk's statement that he himself wrote down the speech follows so directly from "I remember the words."

I think the implication is that he wrote down the exact words of the speech from memory (indicating that Kodos's genocide announcement that Kirk heard at age 13 is still seared into his mind). Or possibly, the causality is reversed: he perfectly remembers Kodos's speech because he wrote it down at some point in the past (likely not long after surviving the massacre). The former seems a bit more probable to me, but either case would suggest quite a lot about how deeply this affected him.

But whatever the Tarsus Nine were up to, they lasted long enough for Starfleet to arrive and take charge of the situation. We don't know the details of how that happened from TOS, either, though the fact that Kodos got the hell out of Dodge and left a burned body to be misidentified as him suggests that it was obvious enough what Starfleet's arrival was going to mean well before any fighting began.

Afterwards, well ... some of the Tarsus Nine maintained ties, for sure. Kirk and Leighton seem to be trusting friends; they address each other by familiar nicknames, Kirk knows Leighton's wife, and he regards Leighton's deception as something of a personal betrayal. Kirk is a bit vague on Leighton's professional life and dismisses his suspicions at first, so I don't think they're super close, but it's a trusting and familiar relationship in general.

Meanwhile, others among them lost contact. Kirk clearly has no idea that the Lieutenant Riley he knows on the Enterprise was a little boy among the other eyewitnesses, which seems probable enough. Riley likely ended up with caretakers who wouldn't have been all that keen on him being reminded of the horrific trauma he'd experienced. Him ending up on the Enterprise by sheer chance is a hell of a coincidence, but that's not unusual for Star Trek, let's be real.

A minor point: I'm guessing Sam Kirk had a hell of a week as the information about what was happening on Tarsus IV leaked out. I'm guessing from the outside, there'd be the official alert of the food crisis -> the colony's communications going dark -> Starfleet arriving and discovering what had happened -> their updates as they searched for survivors and those responsible -> their reports of finding the 4000 chosen for survival and the Tarsus Nine.

Moving forwards chronologically, I think the next "version" of Kirk we know anything about via TOS is him as a very young man at Starfleet Academy. This Kirk is repeatedly described as bookish and solemn. In "Shore Leave" (which follows very shortly after "The Conscience of the King," though it's far lighter), we get this exchange:

KIRK: I know the feeling very well. I had it at the Academy. An upperclassman there. One practical joke after another, and always on me. My own personal devil. A guy by the name of Finnegan. MCCOY: And you being the very serious young— KIRK: Serious? I'll make a confession, Bones. I was absolutely grim.

Yeah, I wonder why.

Even as late as his time as an instructor at the Academy, when he was Lieutenant Kirk, he seems pretty recognizably "that" Kirk. He taught a notoriously challenging class (the subject not stated, but implied to be philosophy) and was known as a demanding teacher. In "Where No Man Has Gone Before," his friend and former student Gary Mitchell says:

MITCHELL: Well, I'm getting a chance to read some of that longhair stuff you like. Hey man, I remember you back at the Academy. A stack of books with legs. The first thing I ever heard from an upperclassman was, watch out for Lieutenant Kirk. In his class, you either think or sink.

Mitchell jokes about how he only passed by orchestrating the campaign of a "little blonde lab technician" to distract Kirk from his usual severity. And even this was not a fling; Kirk's relationship with the lab technician reached the point that he almost married her. So even that suggests someone who was taking every part of his life deadly seriously.

The personable, dutiful-but-easy-going charm and good humor of Kirk in much of TOS seems to not have been much in evidence for many, many years of Kirk's life. And even by the time we meet him, this runs much less deep than his powerful sense of responsibility and his commitment to the ideals of the Federation and his own philosophical convictions. We often see his outwards charm switch off like a light when it doesn't serve his purposes.

This is especially apparent in "The Conscience of the King" itself, which includes one of Kirk's most cold-blooded charm offensives—he can't immediately reach Kodos, so instead he deliberately charms Kodos's nineteen-year-old daughter Lenore in order to dig up information on him (not realizing Lenore herself is a murderer). There is a chasm between this calculated charm and his manner when he finds Kodos and drops the front:

The last thing I wanted to say about "The Conscience of the King" and this particular backstory for Kirk is that, after all of this, what exactly is the point of the backstory revealed in this episode? It's Star Trek, there usually is one, even when it's executed badly or clumsily. What is it gesturing at?

There's a repeated emphasis on the twenty years between the present moment and Kodos's atrocity. He is now an old man living a normal life, and doesn't seem to be a particular threat to anyone. One of the major subplots involves Spock trying to figure out what the hell happened twenty years earlier, then trying to convince McCoy of the threat, then Kirk and Spock and McCoy having this fraught discussion about it.

Spock is not dispassionate; he is horrified by both the past atrocity and current threat to Kirk, and quickly reaches a point of certainty about Karidian's/Kodos's identity and what should be done about him. Kirk is more anxious and unsure about getting it wrong and about his own motives, despite simultaneously wanting to just kill this guy on the spot. McCoy doesn't want to believe at pretty much every turn, and even when he does, is wary of acting out of potentially questionable motives so long after the fact. It leads to this great scene between all three:

SPOCK: Why do you invite death? KIRK: I'm not. I'm interested in justice. MCCOY: Are you? Are you sure it's not vengeance? KIRK: No, I'm not sure. I wish I was. I've done things I've never done before. I've placed my command in jeopardy. From here on I've got to determine whether or not Karidian is Kodos. SPOCK: He is. KIRK: You sound certain. I wish I could be. Before I accuse a man of that, I've got to be. I saw him once, twenty years ago. Men change. Memory changes. Look at him now, he's an actor. He can change his appearance. No. Logic is not enough. I've got to feel my way, make absolutely sure. MCCOY: What if you decide he is Kodos? What then? Do you play God, carry his head through the corridors in triumph? That won't bring back the dead, Jim. KIRK: No, but they may rest easier.

Of course, the matter of "oh hey, we keep finding elderly people who committed atrocities some 20 years ago and we've got to navigate how to deal with them now in a way that honors their victims" was not at all metaphorical at the time. In the 60s, the architects of atrocities who made their escape twenty years earlier and were discovered as ostensibly normal aging people were just literal Nazis.

While the Tarsus IV massacre is on a much smaller scale, obviously, Erin Horáková has a good explanation of the topicality here:

In “The Conscience of the King”, we learn that Kirk is a survivor of a colony-world genocide that occurred during his childhood. As an adult, Kirk attempts to determine whether an old man, now an actor, is actually Kodos, the mass murderer who perpetrated this genocide. “Conscience” is a complex, shifting episode made in the wake of the arrest of aged Nazis in South America by Mossad agents (again, it’s subtextually important to this episode that Kirk is played by a Jewish actor).

For further context, plenty of people involved in TOS had themselves fought in WWII, so "what do we do about elderly Nazis" was not a distant issue. Also, while Roddenberry himself was unfortunately antisemitic (a quality presumably related to "Patterns of Force" ever seeing the light of day), there were a lot of Jewish people working behind and in front of the camera on TOS, most famously including both William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy (both are/were Jewish actors from Jewish communities, though this tends to be much more present for many fans with Nimoy��it's hard not to think that is at least partly related to their physical appearances). So the whole premise is complex and fraught in real world terms, as well, which I felt was also worth mentioning as a significant element of what's going on here.

#Meta #Meta discussion #Replies #Star Trek: TOS #Star Trek: AOS #I'm so glad you got a kick out of my username lmao it's been a constant source of joy for me since I first picked it at 15 #You'd be shocked at how little it gets recognized as a reference HOWEVER it adds to the innate hilarity imo

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midi-san · 1 day ago

Text

Golden Cheese and Smoked Cheese and hey who that?

Soooooo I’ve been meaning to post this for a while but just never got to it. So better late than never here you go!

I also wrote a little (1,900+ words) fic to accompany this so here’s that too!

Golden Cheese stared at the crumbled remains of Burning Spice’s temple. To think, this place was once somewhere you can voice your opinion to a kind and knowing deity. It became a breeding ground for a tyrant’s rampage of destruction, and now, it’s nothing. To think, all this carnage, all the lives lost, kingdoms brought to ruin…

Was because one cookie wanted to satisfy his boredom.

She couldn’t help but grit her teeth at the thought of it.

“...My… en… My Queeeeen?! Hellloooo? Are you still there?” Leave it to Smoked Cheese Cookie’s snark to snap her out of her thoughts. Golden Cheese let out a mixture of a guffaw and a scoff.

“Yes Smoked Cheese Cookie, I am alright.” She said, staring back at the ruins, back at…

“You know…” Smoked Cheese started, “for all your posturing and provacity, you really do wear your heart on your sleeve.”

Golden Cheese raised a brow, “Where are you going with this?”

“Something is bothering you: what is it?”

———

The secret passageway Elder Kulfi showed them was as barren as ever. They should be using this to find the Kulfi but instead they are doing… something else entirely. The canyons patterned with different colored rocks looked like they touched the sky from a worm’s eye view. From a bird’s eye view however, it just made things harder to see, with all the twists and turns made by rivers long gone. Golden Cheese was looking for something. For what? Smoked Cheese didn’t know. All he knows is that it was something important that the Golden Sovereign couldn’t ignore. And knowing Golden Cheese, it’s probably something inconsequential, like always.

A few minutes of being carried by the overgrown bird later and they land, right in front of a foreign red crater that stuck out amongst the white sand like a lesion. Smoked Cheese scanned his surroundings: rubble, rubble, that giant crater Burning Spice made, even more rubble— wait where did his Radiance go? To the side he Golden Cheese near multiple piles of boulders, walking over each and every one of them. She was standing over them as if she was trying to…detect something. She eventually came across an indistinguishable pile of rubble near the crater. After a few seconds of staring at it, she begins to dismantle the heap of stone, pushing the smaller rocks away and breaking the larger ones with her spear.

The abruptness made Smoked Cheese flinch. He’s rarely seen Golden Cheese act with such haste. “Whu— My Queen! What are you doing? What is so important in this forgotten canyon that you’d waste time trying to dig it up from…!” He was going to try and convince her to stop whatever inconsequential thing she wants here. He was going to tell her to focus her energy on finding the Kulfi so they can get back home.

But then he saw her face.

Her expression was so… unreadable, yet her furrowed eyebrows gave way to this forlornness in her eyes. She mumbled, “Do you think you can help me with this?” He was alarmed by how soft her tone was. A few minutes ago she was flying high, cracking jokes and arguing with him on how the Kulfi would definitely want to join her kingdom. Now, she’s standing in an abandoned graveyard, a foot on one of the rocks she moved with her spear wedged between some boulders with this air of melancholy around her. He silently nods, sighing in his head.

And so they began shoveling heaps of stone and rock. Smoked Cheese was wheezing from heaving up a particularly heavy boulder, his hands chafed from touching their coarse surface. They made good leeway, the sun was still in the sky as the two cookies made a noticeable dip in the rubble. Throughout this endeavor, that same little question prevailed in the back of his mind: What was Golden Cheese Cookie looking for here?

He was snapped out of his thoughts when he saw Golden Cheese Cookie drag… something out of the rubble. It wasn’t a rock, it was too long to be rock. Not to mention it was too green and pale to be apart of the layered rocks that made the canyon and—

And then he felt his heart stop as he saw bits of cilantro flaking off and onto the ground.

Golden Cheese heaved the body of Cilantro Cobra Cookie a ways away from boulders. The snake woman’s body has certainly seen better days, chips and cracks littered all over her dough. Her snake half had quite a few places where it bent abnormally. Her leafy, cilantro hair was torn and damaged in multiple places. But the real kicker came when Golden Cheese gently flipped her over on her stomach, careful as to not agitate any loose crumbs on her dough. What he saw made him visibly lurch.

The dress she used to wear was in tatters, revealing the nasty wound on her back that was akin to the crater that crushed her. She must have gotten hit from the fallen debris before being buried by the rocks. Instinctively, Smoked Cheese reached for her wrist, checking for a pulse he knows isn’t there: it wasn’t possible. There’s no way someone could survive being buried under an avalanche for so long, let alone after sustaining a serious injury like that. But then he heard a thump, and a few seconds later, another thump. It was weak, it was slow but cheeses, it was there. She was alive.

But his hope was instantly dashed when he thought about it. There was no way she’d survive long without medical treatment. Even if by some miracle her warriors were able to her, she would surely crumble during the long arduous journey back to the tribe. His face shifted to that of pity, there was nothing they could do.

He sighed, “Her pulse is present but it’s weak, too weak. I’m afraid there’s nothing we can do.”

“Correction Smoked Cheese Cookie: there is nothing you can do,” she said, picking up and holding the snake’s body, her chin perched on the golden queen’s shoulder with her back exposed to the open spicy air, “But there is something I can do.” Before Smoked Cheese Cookie could say anything, she lifted her free hand and focused her magic. Soon, bits of sand and rock began forming around her palm. But knowing what he knows now, it wasn’t just sand and rock.

Smoked Cheese never considered His Radiance a magic user. The most he ever saw her use magic was from creating her spears from the earth. Any other time she was using her strength, smarts, flight, and… ‘charming personality’ to get by in the world. No, Smoked Cheese never saw Golden Cheese as a magic user.

But then the Dark Flour War happened.

Smoked Cheese was the first to wake up. Why him and not Mozzarella? He’ll never know (she was in fact the last to be awakened in the virtual world). Golden Cheese showed him the ropes, how the virtual world worked, her plans for this virtual world, its systems…

And more importantly, how she did this in the first place. He saw her focus her energy, her magic, and meticulously sorted every crumb of cookie that had a part of a soul into a soulcheese. The soulcheeses would then be stored in a cellar for safekeeping until she could get the server running.

It was the most innovative, yet macabre way of using magic he has ever seen. And now he’s seeing it first hand. But instead of picking out cookie crumbs and infusing them into soulcheese, it was picking out cookie crumbs and reinfusing them with a barely living body.

A golden, geometric shield formed around the three cookies, coating the snake’s wound in a thin layer of gold. Her magic placed the crumbs on the wound like a jigsaw puzzle, making sure each was in its rightful place. Naturally, it was impossible to recover every bit of crumb and dust from the earth, which is why any leftover cracks and chips were filled with gold instead.

“May the Radiance of Gold shine upon you…” Golden Cheese muttered softly, tracing the cracks with her fingers as the dome slowly faded. As the Radiant Queen set the Spice chief down, Smoked Cheese noticed Cilantro Cobra Cookie’s breathing seemed to have stabilized. Golden Cheese gently patted the snake woman’s now ruined, messy hair, “She will wake up in a couple hours. The rest will depend if anyone finds her.” She said as she stood up, dusting herself off.

Smoked Cheese stepped forward, “How do you know anyone is looking for her?” He remembered when Burning Spice crashed down, sending the weakened naga flying somewhere. He heard a few of the Cilantro Cobra tribesmen call out her name before being silenced by the destructive tyrant, scared stiff.

“Oh,” she started off, a hint of playfulness coming back to her voice, “I just know.” She leaned to the left as she looked at something from behind Smoked Cheese Cookie. Earning a confused look from the general, he whipped his head around just fast enough to notice a blur of leafy green quickly hide behind a canyon wall.

Whu— were those—when did—how’d she—HUH?!

His stunned dumbfoundedness was quickly interrupted as the Golden Goddess scooped him up bridal style, “Now my dear general, let us go find the Kulfi for their aid!” She announced, flapping her magnificent wings as she laughed. All Smoke Cheese could do was sputter about as Golden Cheese flew up and out of the canyon. He also couldn’t help but steal a glance of the two cobras still hiding behind the rock wall, slowly coming out to approach their alive, but still incapacitated leader.

“I must ask this once again, are you sure leaving her here was a good idea?” Smoked Cheese finally managed to say.

“Did you not hear me earlier? She’ll be fine, probably won’t remember any of this happened. She’ll be back to her merry little destructive life in no time.”

“But why? Why help her? The last time we saw her, she was threatening our most —and only— beneficial allies with blackmail! How could you possibly have sympathy for someone like that?!”

Her ever gleaming eyes dimmed just a smidge, “A life, a bright gleaming, shimmering light. And just as it’s about to reach its pinnacle, it’s cruelly snuffed out by the power-hungry. I have seen too much of that happen already.”

Oh.

…Oh.

“…I see.” Was all he could say

The silence that permeated the skies after that was deafening. It left the vizer to ruminate on his thoughts. For all her self-absorbed arrogance, she was surprisingly empathetic, almost to her detriment. She was an amazing ally if she found you as someone important to her. Golden Cheese was also, however, a cookie absorbed in nostalgia. So the real question was: Why did she save the leader of the Cilantro Cobras? Was it out of the goodness of her heart, or out of some peculiar way of self soothing the part of her that wishes she could’ve been there for her subjects sooner?

Whichever it was, he didn’t have the time to ponder, for he was snapped out of his thoughts by the golden queen carrying him. Apparently she thought the mood was much too dreary and continued on with her essay-long speech as to why the Kulfi would and should join her kingdom.

All Smoked Cheese could do was roll his eyes with a sigh as an exasperated smile formed on his face. He was already mentally preparing his rebuttal as the two of them flew out of the canyon and towards the sunset (which is hopefully the direction the Kulfi went).

Fin.

#Cookie run #cookie run kingdom #golden cheese cookie #smoked cheese cookie #cilantro cobra cookie #This took me a month to finish.#And another month to actually post it.#My procrastination knows no bounds

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