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ms-hells-bells · 2 months

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Because senator Kamala Harris is a prosecutor and I am a felon, I have been following her political rise, with the same focus that my younger son tracks Steph Curry threes. Before it was in vogue to criticize prosecutors, my friends and I were exchanging tales of being railroaded by them. Shackled in oversized green jail scrubs, I listened to a prosecutor in a Fairfax County, Va., courtroom tell a judge that in one night I’d single-handedly changed suburban shopping forever. Everything the prosecutor said I did was true — I carried a pistol, carjacked a man, tried to rob two women. “He needs a long penitentiary sentence,” the prosecutor told the judge. I faced life in prison for carjacking the man. I pleaded guilty to that, to having a gun, to an attempted robbery. I was 16 years old. The old heads in prison would call me lucky for walking away with only a nine-year sentence.

I’d been locked up for about 15 months when I entered Virginia’s Southampton Correctional Center in 1998, the year I should have graduated from high school. In that prison, there were probably about a dozen other teenagers. Most of us had lengthy sentences — 30, 40, 50 years — all for violent felonies. Public talk of mass incarceration has centered on the war on drugs, wrongful convictions and Kafkaesque sentences for nonviolent charges, while circumventing the robberies, home invasions, murders and rape cases that brought us to prison.

The most difficult discussion to have about criminal-justice reform has always been about violence and accountability. You could release everyone from prison who currently has a drug offense and the United States would still outpace nearly every other country when it comes to incarceration. According to the Prison Policy Institute, of the nearly 1.3 million people incarcerated in state prisons, 183,000 are incarcerated for murder; 17,000 for manslaughter; 165,000 for sexual assault; 169,000 for robbery; and 136,000 for assault. That’s more than half of the state prison population.

When Harris decided to run for president, I thought the country might take the opportunity to grapple with the injustice of mass incarceration in a way that didn’t lose sight of what violence, and the sorrow it creates, does to families and communities. Instead, many progressives tried to turn the basic fact of Harris’s profession into an indictment against her. Shorthand for her career became: “She’s a cop,” meaning, her allegiance was with a system that conspires, through prison and policing, to harm Black people in America.

In the past decade or so, we have certainly seen ample evidence of how corrupt the system can be: Michelle Alexander’s best-selling book, “The New Jim Crow,” which argues that the war on drugs marked the return of America’s racist system of segregation and legal discrimination; Ava DuVernay’s “When They See Us,” a series about the wrongful convictions of the Central Park Five, and her documentary “13th,” which delves into mass incarceration more broadly; and “Just Mercy,” a book by Bryan Stevenson, a public interest lawyer, that has also been made into a film, chronicling his pursuit of justice for a man on death row, who is eventually exonerated. All of these describe the destructive force of prosecutors, giving a lot of run to the belief that anyone who works within a system responsible for such carnage warrants public shame.

My mother had an experience that gave her a different perspective on prosecutors — though I didn’t know about it until I came home from prison on March 4, 2005, when I was 24. That day, she sat me down and said, “I need to tell you something.” We were in her bedroom in the townhouse in Suitland, Md., that had been my childhood home, where as a kid she’d call me to bring her a glass of water. I expected her to tell me that despite my years in prison, everything was good now. But instead she told me about something that happened nearly a decade earlier, just weeks after my arrest. She left for work before the sun rose, as she always did, heading to the federal agency that had employed her my entire life. She stood at a bus stop 100 feet from my high school, awaiting the bus that would take her to the train that would take her to a stop near her job in the nation’s capital. But on that morning, a man yanked her into a secluded space, placed a gun to her head and raped her. When she could escape, she ran wildly into the 6 a.m. traffic.

My mother’s words turned me into a mumbling and incoherent mess, unable to grasp how this could have happened to her. I knew she kept this secret to protect me. I turned to Google and searched the word “rape” along with my hometown and was wrecked by the violence against women that I found. My mother told me her rapist was a Black man. And I thought he should spend the rest of his years staring at the pockmarked walls of prison cells that I knew so well.

The prosecutor’s job, unlike the defense attorney’s or judge’s, is to do justice. What does that mean when you are asked by some to dole out retribution measured in years served, but blamed by others for the damage incarceration can do? The outrage at this country’s criminal-justice system is loud today, but it hasn’t led us to develop better ways of confronting my mother’s world from nearly a quarter-century ago: weekends visiting her son in a prison in Virginia; weekdays attending the trial of the man who sexually assaulted her.

We said goodbye to my grandmother in the same Baptist church that, in June 2019, Senator Kamala Harris, still pursuing the Democratic nomination for president, went to give a major speech about why she became a prosecutor. I hadn’t been inside Brookland Baptist Church for a decade, and returning reminded me of Grandma Mary and the eight years of letters she mailed to me in prison. The occasion for Harris’s speech was the annual Freedom Fund dinner of the South Carolina State Conference of the N.A.A.C.P. The evening began with the Black national anthem, “Lift Every Voice and Sing,” and at the opening chord nearly everyone in the room stood. There to write about the senator, I had been standing already and mouthed the words of the first verse before realizing I’d never sung any further.

Each table in the banquet hall was filled with folks dressed in their Sunday best. Servers brought plates of food and pitchers of iced tea to the tables. Nearly everyone was Black. The room was too loud for me to do more than crouch beside guests at their tables and scribble notes about why they attended. Speakers talked about the chapter’s long history in the civil rights movement. One called for the current generation of young rappers to tell a different story about sacrifice. The youngest speaker of the night said he just wanted to be safe. I didn’t hear anyone mention mass incarceration. And I knew in a different decade, my grandmother might have been in that audience, taking in the same arguments about personal agency and responsibility, all the while wondering why her grandbaby was still locked away. If Harris couldn’t persuade that audience that her experiences as a Black woman in America justified her decision to become a prosecutor, I knew there were few people in this country who could be moved.

Describing her upbringing in a family of civil rights activists, Harris argued that the ongoing struggle for equality needed to include both prosecuting criminal defendants who had victimized Black people and protecting the rights of Black criminal defendants. “I was cleareyed that prosecutors were largely not people who looked like me,” she said. This mattered for Harris because of the “prosecutors that refused to seat Black jurors, refused to prosecute lynchings, disproportionately condemned young Black men to death row and looked the other way in the face of police brutality.” When she became a prosecutor in 1990, she was one of only a handful of Black people in her office. When she was elected district attorney of San Francisco in 2003, she recalled, she was one of just three Black D.A.s nationwide. And when she was elected California attorney general in 2010, there were no other Black attorneys general in the country. At these words, the crowd around me clapped. “I knew the unilateral power that prosecutors had with the stroke of a pen to make a decision about someone else’s life or death,” she said.

Harris offered a pair of stories as evidence of the importance of a Black woman’s doing this work. Once, ear hustling, she listened to colleagues discussing ways to prove criminal defendants were gang-affiliated. If a racial-profiling manual existed, their signals would certainly be included: baggy pants, the place of arrest and the rap music blaring from vehicles. She said that she’d told her colleagues: “So, you know that neighborhood you were talking about? Well, I got family members and friends who live in that neighborhood. You know the way you were talking about how folks were dressed? Well, that’s actually stylish in my community.” She continued: “You know that music you were talking about? Well, I got a tape of that music in my car right now.”

The second example was about the mothers of murdered children. She told the audience about the women who had come to her office when she was San Francisco’s D.A. — women who wanted to speak with her, and her alone, about their sons. “The mothers came, I believe, because they knew I would see them,” Harris said. “And I mean literally see them. See their grief. See their anguish.” They complained to Harris that the police were not investigating. “My son is being treated like a statistic,” they would say. Everyone in that Southern Baptist church knew that the mothers and their dead sons were Black. Harris outlined the classic dilemma of Black people in this country: being simultaneously overpoliced and underprotected. Harris told the audience that all communities deserved to be safe.

Among the guests in the room that night whom I talked to, no one had an issue with her work as a prosecutor. A lot of them seemed to believe that only people doing dirt had issues with prosecutors. I thought of myself and my friends who have served long terms, knowing that in a way, Harris was talking about Black people’s needing protection from us — from the violence we perpetrated to earn those years in a series of cells.

Harris came up as a prosecutor in the 1990s, when both the political culture and popular culture were developing a story about crime and violence that made incarceration feel like a moral response. Back then, films by Black directors — “New Jack City,” “Menace II Society,” “Boyz n the Hood” — turned Black violence into a genre where murder and crack-dealing were as ever-present as Black fathers were absent. Those were the years when Representative Charlie Rangel, a Democrat, argued that “we should not allow people to distribute this poison without fear that they might be arrested” and “go to jail for the rest of their natural life.” Those were the years when President Clinton signed legislation that ended federal parole for people with three violent crime convictions and encouraged states to essentially eliminate parole; made it more difficult for defendants to challenge their convictions in court; and made it nearly impossible to challenge prison conditions.

Back then, it felt like I was just one of an entire generation of young Black men learning the logic of count time and lockdown. With me were Anthony Winn and Terell Kelly and a dozen others, all lost to prison during those years. Terell was sentenced to 33 years for murdering a man when he was 17 — a neighborhood beef turned deadly. Home from college for two weeks, a 19-year-old Anthony robbed four convenience stores — he’d been carrying a pistol during three. After he was sentenced by four judges, he had a total of 36 years.

Most of us came into those cells with trauma, having witnessed or experienced brutality before committing our own. Prison, a factory of violence and despair, introduced us to more of the same. And though there were organizations working to get rid of the death penalty, end mandatory minimums, bring back parole and even abolish prisons, there were few ways for us to know that they existed. We suffered. And we felt alone. Because of this, sometimes I reduce my friends’ stories to the cruelty of doing time. I forget that Terell and I walked prison yards as teenagers, discussing Malcolm X and searching for mentors in the men around us. I forget that Anthony and I talked about the poetry of Sonia Sanchez the way others praised DMX. He taught me the meaning of the word “patina” and introduced me to the music of Bill Withers. There were Luke and Fats; and Juvie, who could give you the sharpest edge-up in America with just a razor and comb.

When I left prison in 2005, they all had decades left. Then I went to law school and believed I owed it to them to work on their cases and help them get out. I’ve persuaded lawyers to represent friends pro bono. Put together parole packets — basically job applications for freedom: letters of recommendation and support from family and friends; copies of certificates attesting to vocational training; the record of college credits. We always return to the crimes to provide explanation and context. We argue that today each one little resembles the teenager who pulled a gun. And I write a letter — which is less from a lawyer and more from a man remembering what it means to want to go home to his mother. I write, struggling to condense decades of life in prison into a 10-page case for freedom. Then I find my way to the parole board’s office in Richmond, Va., and try to persuade the members to let my friends see a sunrise for the first time.

Juvie and Luke have made parole; Fats, represented by the Innocence Project at the University of Virginia School of Law, was granted a conditional pardon by Virginia’s governor, Ralph Northam. All three are home now, released just as a pandemic would come to threaten the lives of so many others still inside. Now free, they’ve sent me text messages with videos of themselves hugging their mothers for the first time in decades, casting fishing lines from boats drifting along rivers they didn’t expect to see again, enjoying a cold beer that isn’t contraband.

In February, after 25 years, Virginia passed a bill making people incarcerated for at least 20 years for crimes they committed before their 18th birthdays eligible for parole. Men who imagined they would die in prison now may see daylight. Terell will be eligible. These years later, he’s the mentor we searched for, helping to organize, from the inside, community events for children, and he’s spoken publicly about learning to view his crimes through the eyes of his victim’s family. My man Anthony was 19 when he committed his crime. In the last few years, he’s organized poetry readings, book clubs and fatherhood classes. When Gregory Fairchild, a professor at the Darden School of Business at the University of Virginia, began an entrepreneurship program at Dillwyn Correctional Center, Anthony was among the graduates, earning all three of the certificates that it offered. He worked to have me invited as the commencement speaker, and what I remember most is watching him share a meal with his parents for the first time since his arrest. But he must pray that the governor grants him a conditional pardon, as he did for Fats.

I tell myself that my friends are unique, that I wouldn’t fight so hard for just anybody. But maybe there is little particularly distinct about any of us — beyond that we’d served enough time in prison. There was a skinny light-skinned 15-year-old kid who came into prison during the years that we were there. The rumor was that he’d broken into the house of an older woman and sexually assaulted her. We all knew he had three life sentences. Someone stole his shoes. People threatened him. He’d had to break a man’s jaw with a lock in a sock to prove he’d fight if pushed. As a teenager, he was experiencing the worst of prison. And I know that had he been my cellmate, had I known him the way I know my friends, if he reached out to me today, I’d probably be arguing that he should be free.

But I know that on the other end of our prison sentences was always someone weeping. During the middle of Harris’s presidential campaign, a friend referred me to a woman with a story about Senator Harris that she felt I needed to hear. Years ago, this woman’s sister had been missing for days, and the police had done little. Happenstance gave this woman an audience with then-Attorney General Harris. A coordinated multicity search followed. The sister had been murdered; her body was found in a ravine. The woman told me that “Kamala understands the politics of victimization as well as anyone who has been in the system, which is that this kind of case — a 50-year-old Black woman gone missing or found dead — ordinarily does not get any resources put toward it.” They caught the man who murdered her sister, and he was sentenced to 131 years. I think about the man who assaulted my mother, a serial rapist, because his case makes me struggle with questions of violence and vengeance and justice. And I stop thinking about it. I am inconsistent. I want my friends out, but I know there is no one who can convince me that this man shouldn’t spend the rest of his life in prison.

My mother purchased her first single-family home just before I was released from prison. One version of this story is that she purchased the house so that I wouldn’t spend a single night more than necessary in the childhood home I walked away from in handcuffs. A truer account is that by leaving Suitland, my mother meant to burn the place from memory.

I imagined that I had singularly introduced my mother to the pain of the courts. I was wrong. The first time she missed work to attend court proceedings was to witness the prosecution of a kid the same age as I was when I robbed a man. He was probably from Suitland, and he’d attempted to rob my mother at gunpoint. The second time, my mother attended a series of court dates involving me, dressed in her best work clothes to remind the prosecutor and judge and those in the courtroom that the child facing a life sentence had a mother who loved him. The third time, my mother took off days from work to go to court alone and witness the trial of the man who raped her and two other women. A prosecutor’s subpoena forced her to testify, and her solace came from knowing that prison would prevent him from attacking others.

After my mother told me what had happened to her, we didn’t mention it to each other again for more than a decade. But then in 2018, she and I were interviewed on the podcast “Death, Sex & Money.” The host asked my mother about going to court for her son’s trial when he was facing life. “I was raped by gunpoint,” my mother said. “It happened just before he was sentenced. So when I was going to court for Dwayne, I was also going for a court trial for myself.” I hadn’t forgotten what happened, but having my mother say it aloud to a stranger made it far more devastating.

On the last day of the trial of the man who raped her, my mother told me, the judge accepted his guilty plea. She remembers only that he didn’t get enough time. She says her nose began to bleed. When I asked her what she would have wanted to happen to her attacker, she replied, “That I’d taken the deputy’s gun and shot him.”

Harris has studied crime-scene and autopsy photos of the dead. She has confronted men in court who have sexually assaulted their children, sexually assaulted the elderly, scalped their lovers. In her 2009 book, “Smart on Crime,” Harris praised the work of Sunny Schwartz — creator of the Resolve to Stop the Violence Project, the first restorative-justice program in the country to offer services to offenders and victims, which began at a jail in San Francisco. It aims to help inmates who have committed violent crimes by giving them tools to de-escalate confrontations. Harris wrote a bill with a state senator to ensure that children who witness violence can receive mental health treatment. And she argued that safety is a civil right, and that a 60-year sentence for a series of restaurant armed robberies, where some victims were bound or locked in freezers, “should tell anyone considering viciously preying on citizens and businesses that they will be caught, convicted and sent to prison — for a very long time.”

Politicians and the public acknowledge mass incarceration is a problem, but the lengthy prison sentences of men and women incarcerated during the 1990s have largely not been revisited. While the evidence of any prosecutor doing work on this front is slim, as a politician arguing for basic systemic reforms, Harris has noted the need to “unravel the decades-long effort to make sentencing guidelines excessively harsh, to the point of being inhumane”; criticized the bail system; and called for an end to private prisons and criticized the companies that charge absurd rates for phone calls and electronic-monitoring services.

In June, months into the Covid-19 pandemic, and before she was tapped as the vice-presidential nominee, I had the opportunity to interview Harris by phone. A police officer’s knee on the neck of George Floyd, choking the life out of him as he called for help, had been captured on video. Each night, thousands around the world protested. During our conversation, Harris told me that as the only Black woman in the United States Senate “in the midst of the killing of George Floyd and Breonna Taylor and Ahmaud Arbery,” countless people had asked for stories about her experiences with racism. Harris said that she was not about to start telling them “about my world for a number of reasons, including you should know about the issue that affects this country as part of the greatest stain on this country.” Exhausted, she no longer answered the questions. I imagined she believes, as Toni Morrison once said, that “the very serious function of racism” is “distraction. It keeps you from doing your work.”

But these days, even in the conversations that I hear my children having, race suffuses so much. I tell Harris that my 12-year-old son, Micah, told his classmates and teachers: “As you all know, my dad went to jail. Shouldn’t the police who killed Floyd go to jail?” My son wanted to know why prison seemed to be reserved for Black people and wondered whose violence demanded a prison cell.

“In the criminal-justice system,” Harris replied, “the irony, and, frankly, the hypocrisy is that whenever we use the words ‘accountability’ and ‘consequence,’ it’s always about the individual who was arrested.” Again, she began to make a case that would be familiar to any progressive about the need to make the system accountable. And while I found myself agreeing, I began to fear that the point was just to find ways to treat officers in the same brutal way that we treat everyone else. I thought about the men I’d represented in parole hearings — and the friends I’d be representing soon. And wondered out loud to Harris: How do we get to their freedom?

“We need to reimagine what public safety looks like,” the senator told me, noting that she would talk about a public health model. “Are we looking at the fact that if you focus on issues like education and preventive things, then you don’t have a system that’s reactive?” The list of those things becomes long: affordable housing, job-skills development, education funding, homeownership. She remembered how during the early 2000s, when she was the San Francisco district attorney and started Back on Track (a re-entry program that sought to reduce future incarceration by building the skills of the men facing drug charges), many people were critical. “ ‘You’re a D.A. You’re supposed to be putting people in jail, not letting them out,’” she said people told her.

It always returns to this for me — who should be in prison, and for how long? I know that American prisons do little to address violence. If anything, they exacerbate it. If my friends walk out of prison changed from the boys who walked in, it will be because they’ve fought with the system — with themselves and sometimes with the men around them — to be different. Most violent crimes go unsolved, and the pain they cause is nearly always unresolved. And those who are convicted — many, maybe all — do far too much time in prison.

And yet, I imagine what I would do if the Maryland Parole Commission contacted my mother, informing her that the man who assaulted her is eligible for parole. I’m certain I’d write a letter explaining how one morning my mother didn’t go to work because she was in a hospital; tell the board that the memory of a gun pointed at her head has never left; explain how when I came home, my mother told me the story. Some violence changes everything.

The thing that makes you suited for a conversation in America might be the very thing that precludes you from having it. Terell, Anthony, Fats, Luke and Juvie have taught me that the best indicator of whether I believe they should be free is our friendship. Learning that a Black man in the city I called home raped my mother taught me that the pain and anger for a family member can be unfathomable. It makes me wonder if parole agencies should contact me at all — if they should ever contact victims and their families.

Perhaps if Harris becomes the vice president we can have a national conversation about our contradictory impulses around crime and punishment. For three decades, as a line prosecutor, a district attorney, an attorney general and now a senator, her work has allowed her to witness many of them. Prosecutors make a convenient target. But if the system is broken, it is because our flaws more than our virtues animate it. Confronting why so many of us believe prisons must exist may force us to admit that we have no adequate response to some violence. Still, I hope that Harris reminds the country that simply acknowledging the problem of mass incarceration does not address it — any more than keeping my friends in prison is a solution to the violence and trauma that landed them there.

In light of Harris being endorsed by Biden and highly likely to be the Democratic Party candidate, I thought I would share this balanced, understanding of both sides, article in regard to Harris and her career as a prosecutor, as I know that will be something dragged out by bad actors and useful idiots (you have a bunch of people stating 'Kamala is a cop', which is completely false, and also factless and misleading statements about 'mass incarceration' under her). I'm not saying she doesn't deserve to be criticised or that there is nothing about her career that can be criticised, but it should at least be representative of the truth and understanding of the complexities of the legal system.

#I think this article also touches well on the flaws of 'abolish prison'

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darkinfinity · 5 months

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Hi, happy 28th! I decided to join the 28th appreciation, so here are all the fics I read and enjoyed in the past month! Fics are organised by word count :)

🌷Tell me it's the strongest shape by @louandhazaf (E, multi, 73k)

Nick and Elgar have it all. They’re famous, successful, and engaged to be married—and sometimes they play with others.

When uni student Louis gets street cast by Elgar for a GQ photoshoot, he's drawn into Nick and Elgar’s complicated relationship.

They've always invited mates into their bed. It doesn’t ever mean anything. Until… it does.

🌷A crown of heartache by WordsInBloom28 (E, 70k)

The Royal Tail: an alpha den, a strip club, a place where secrets are concealed and consent is medicated. It’s also the place Harry has been trapped for the last three years.

Through luck or fate, Harry finds his way to Louis, a kind alpha who offers safety and comfort. After being freed from the confines of the den, Harry struggles to shake the darkness from his past.

He has a choice to make. Live in a mental prison of his own making or find the strength within himself to face his demons head on with Louis at his side.

🌷In the still of the night by @jacaranda-bloom (E, 68k)

In a society where omegas are expected to follow a predetermined path, Louis strives for more; for his voice to be heard, for recognition, for true love.

In a world where your past defines your future, Harry fights against the system; for equality, for a different life, for acceptance.

When their two worlds collide, will they be beaten down by conformity or will they rise up and forge a new path together?

OR the Dirty Dancing AU where Louis is a feisty omega who wants to change the world, Harry is an alpha from the wrong side of the tracks, and nobody puts Louis in a corner.

🌷Chasing, searching, dreaming by @parmahamlarrie (E, 46k)

Everyone is chasing, searching, dreaming of their soulmate.

Harry has known who his soulmate is since he was twenty years old, and ever since, he has been waiting for Louis to be ready for him. The unexpected passing of Louis' mum, and the fact that now he is the guardian of his twin two-year-old little siblings, just means that Harry is going to have to wait a bit longer.

A soulmate AU full of cute kids, house building, therapy, and a lot of dreaming.

🌷Four, five, finished? by @beanno28 & @lalalaartje (E, multi, 45k)

Now that they've all settled down in their relationship dynamic, Zayn, Harry and Louis agree it's time for the next step. A new phase in their lives, so to speak. They're having a baby! Or well. That's the plan. As usual for the three of them, nothing goes as planned.

Adjustments have to be made, emotions have to be lived through and discussed and all in all, our three boys need to buckle up for the ride and hope to reach their final destination without major figurative car crashes.

🌷A hopeless connection by @parmahamlarrie (E, 34k)

In a world where everyone has a soulmate, what do you do when you don’t have one?

As soon as Louis Tomlinson was born, his Timer, the one that determined when he would meet his soulmate, was already at zero. He’s spent the last twenty-five years of his life looking for that void to be filled with faceless strangers. Can he still find love?

🌷Santa baby honey by @sadaveniren (E, 29k)

“Let’s cut right to the chase,” Niall said, loading the powerpoint, which was just one page, comprised of Louis’ face and the words How do you solve a problem like this asshole? “It’s the beginning of November and Louis is already being a fuckwit. How are we gonna have him knock that shit off this year?”

aka Louis is the CEO of a toy company and Christmas is a stressful time of year so his assistant decides the best way to make him chill out is by getting him laid through a Secret Santa

🌷Thespian sweetheart by orchidsinnewyork (16k)

Harry definitely was not. He’d stopped listening.

Across the room, someone had caught his eye.

The stranger’s light brown hair fell into wisps, framing his mask. His cheekbones could be seen even with half his face covered, and his slender fingers were brushing along the buttons of his coat. He was smiling even though he had no one in company. He seemed to glow as he stood under a chandelier, the fragments of glass reflecting bursts of light onto his frame.

Harry had never seen someone like that before. He’d been staring for too long, completely ignoring Count Paris as his gaze focused on the stranger. And he hadn’t realised it until the stranger turned his head, and their eyes met.

Harry saw his lips part, and curled into a small smile as he removed his mask. Staring back at Harry were a pair of brilliant blue eyes, twinkling at him like twin stars. The stranger winked at him, and his head felt giddy.

Uni AU where Harry participates in a Theatre production, and is supposed to perform a stage kiss that winds up becoming quite real. Featuring awkward encounters, insane dreams, OT5 and peanut butter.

🌷I'll look after you by @elmeiko88 (M, 15k)

I mean, when Harry inherited his late uncle's hybrid, he didn't necessarily expect this...

Where Louis is a nice hybrid cat who's never lived with anyone but an old man, and who discovers the freedom of living with Harry...

🌷I dig your cinema by @silverstuff50 (E, 13k)

It wasn’t that Louis didn’t want to see Harry’s latest film; it was a tragically pathetic fact that Louis had watched every single show and film, every interview, every red carpet that Harry had done since his ex-boyfriend had decided to leave Uni in the second year and pursue an acting career.

It's just that he wanted to watch it on his own, in his flat, with a soft blanket, beer, ice cream, and a large box of tissues.

🌷licking sugar off taboos, we pour wild honey and wine over the walls by @larentslovebot (E, 10k)

Louis Tomlinson is a big name in the industry. A lyrical mastermind, who does not appear in public and dedicates his existence to music. Deciding to find aspiring musicians for his label, he expected to tutor young talents and make them the next heads of show business. What he didn't expect was to meet Harry Styles, omega with attitude and a captivating scent.

🌷Woke up feeling knotty by @jaerie (E, 8k)

Beta Louis has a kink for knotting and the secret aesthetic porn blog he runs about it is more than proof. When he accidentally finds out his alpha best friend Harry is one of his biggest fans, he knows he has to come clean after everything that has already happened between them. Harry just might be willing to help him out anyway.

🌷I'll keep you warm by @parmahamlarrie (T, 6k)

Louis is the kind of guy who keeps his head down and minds his own business. He’s lived on the same street for years and barely would recognize the buildings, let alone his neighbours. That’s all about to change however, due to a broken key and an unexpected snow storm.

🌷Pretty and preposterous by @brightlyharry (5k)

Harry donates a copy of Pride and Prejudice to his little free library. He never expects what comes next.

🌷What the silence said by @larrysballetslippers (E, 3k)

“Our lives were just beginning, our favourite moment was right now, our favourite songs were unwritten. ‘Love is a mixtape’, Rob Sheffield.”

Or, Louis has tried to ask Harry, the quiet and cute librarian at his local library, out for some time. He never expected that quoting Harry's favourite books work so well for him. A very silent Valentine's day fic.

#28th appreciation #fic rec #larry fics #april fic rec #larry fanfiction #my fic recs

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midmaysunray · 7 months

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Hello there, it’s me Momo🩷

(Also, this is a shit posting blog, might wanna check out @shunrehihosumedha )

Here’s a little description of things I love and envy

I’m from the Indian subcontinent.

Spent my entire childhood between mountains and valleys. For a change shifted to Delhi which I regret tremendously.

I love farming, gardening, stitching clothes, crocheting, writing poems and maintaining a journal.

I enjoy long walks and bicycle rides.

I prefer going to a bookstore or a restaurant all by myself. I love self-dates.

I want to settle someday at an unknown meadow with mountains and lakes at a cottage core house, with big windows and minimalistic furniture with a wooden chimney, a library with some cats and the man I love.

I’m a student, fortunately academically gifted/blessed.

I did my undergrad from Indraprastha college for women under the university of Delhi in the discipline of geography Hons. Currently pursuing my masters from Jamia Millia Islamia.

I love movies; and my favourite genre is dystopian reality. So far I have watched 750+ movies which include almost every linguistic diversity as I strongly believe in the adherence of, “you can’t find gold unless you dig the dirt.”

I love reading books, like a lot. I can speak 5 different languages and out of them, 3 languages are engraved within my system. Starting from Greek Literature Iliad by Homer to metaphysics by aristotle; reading short stories of Rabindranath Tagore in Bengali as well as reciting Gazals of Gulzar in Hindi itself, I believe I have defined base in my own culture as well as to others. Again, when it comes to dystopian, I envy reading The Hunger Games and The Maze Runners. Do Androids dream of electric sheep? Comes under my top 5 dystopian reads; as this book was later adopted into a world class movie franchise called The Blade Runner. I lean towards Harry Potter more than The Lord of the Rings. I have read A song of ice and fire which people are so batshit crazy about and famously known as the “Game of thrones.” I didn’t watch a single episode but I know more than any fan I believe.

If you intervene and ask, then yeah you can think of me as a “nerd” hehehe because my preference and taste of things leans towards being more of geek tbh🩷🩷

I also enjoy watching animated series/anime and sit coms. I’m a sucker for The Big Bang Theory and Young Sheldon and will rewatch them for an eternity if asked. My favourite anime is Gintama but the list is peculiar and long as I have been watching anime/reading manga since I was 9 years old. My first anime was Dragon Ball z and Pokémon. I also watched Doraemon and Shinchan series/movies. The list goes on when it comes to entertainment but mine is more restricted than common which people watch out of peer pressure. Below are some examples for understanding my taste and likings.

My favourite dystopian movies are (Top 20)

1. Shutter Island.

2. Interstellar

3. The Dark knight

4. The Dark knight Rises

5. Captain America: the winter soldier

6. Rouge one: a star war’s story

7. Tron legacy

8. Harry Potter and the prisoner of Azkaban

9. The Hobbit: the desolation of Smaug

10. Star Trek Enterprise

11. Star Wars: the empire strikes back

12. Blade runner

13. Blade runner 2049

14. Dune

15. V for vendetta

16. Maze runner

17. The Hunger Games

18. Oblivion

19. The Truman show

20. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

Top 15 Anime

1. Gintama

2. Neon Genesis Evangelion

3. Berserk

4. Mob psycho

5. Steins Gate

6. Violet evergarden

7. Monster

8. Parasyte

9. Heavenly delusion

10. Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure

11. Full Metal Alchemist

12, That time when I got reincarnated as a slime

13. Campfire cooking in another world with my absurd cooking skills

14. Barakamon

15. Bunny Drop

Top 10 Anime Movies

1. Princess Mononoke by Studio Ghibli

2. Up from the poppy hill by Studio Ghibli

3. My neighbor Totoro by Studio Ghibli

4. The End of Evangelion by Hideaki Anno

5. Spirited Away by Studio Ghibli

6. Perfect blue by Satosi Kon

7. Akira by Katsuhiro Otomo

8. Ghost in the Shell by Mamoru Oshii

9. Violet evergarden: the movie by Taichi Ishidate

10. Doraemon: Nobita’s new dinosaur by Kazuaki Imai, Toshihisa Yokoshima, in collaboration with Kyoto animation studio Wasabi Mizuta, Megumi Ohara, Shihoko Hagino.

I know it may seem boring and I usually don’t find people with such diversity, but it would be good to be a part of this community. I envy people who respects art and literature of every culture and not demeaning them.

#entertainment #anime movie #movies #80s movies #80s anime #anime 80s #90s anime #anime and manga #anime #dystopia #science fiction #novels #fem reader #tumblr milestone

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vaesbst · 1 month

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The Academy for Soulless Dolls|| #1

╰┈➤ Synopsis; Mencià, a lifelong drifter through boarding schools, is thrust into the mysterious Rosethorn Academy, a haven for the elite. Eager to stay under the radar, her plans unravel when the school's most powerful heir becomes dangerously obsessed with her. As she uncovers dark secrets within the academy's shadowy halls, Mencià must protect her own secrets or risk being consumed by the sinister forces at play.

╰┈➤ Paring: Hyunjin x OC

╰┈➤ Genre: elite academy au, dark secrets, slow burn, angst, smut,fluff

╰┈➤ Warnings: explicit language, implied violence

╰┈➤ Word count: 5.1k

notes: this is the first fanfic I’ve ever written and english isn’t my first language so I apologise for any grammatical errors. The main protagonist is an OC I created, and she’s meant to be a darkskin black female but you’re more than welcome to picture her as yourself or anyone else you want. Please do leave me some feedback as I appreciate them all and they help me improve.

Mob mentality

-- also called herd or hive mentality -- is the inclination that some humans have to be part of a large group, often neglecting their individual feelings in the process, and adopting the behaviors and actions of the people around them.

╔⊶⊶⊶⊶⊶✞⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷╗

New beginnings are always scary- well at least that's what the average person would say if you asked them . Not many people are fond of change, some will even do the unthinkable to avoid it because, understandably so, it does open a vast door to the unknown and when individuals are used to a set routine, suddenly having to face and tackle something foreign will arise a sense of fight of flight in them.

But I can't say the same for me.

I'm walking through the vast opaque corridors of what's going to be my new home for the next year with my head ducked down, hiding away from the public and taking count of every step I'm making, attempting as much as possible to avoid the curious stares that I'm already receiving from the other students. I know it's weird to refer to a school as a "home" but coming from where I came, anywhere would be better than my actual in-house situation. My old school used to be my safe heaven. A place where i felt accepted and secure. A place where I felt like I could truly be myself and walk around the hallways without feeling much angst. It was great, until it wasn't. They turned on me so I had to flee in search of a new place to call home.

My dad wasn't too happy about me having to change schools in the middle of the year, as it would raise too many questions that he'd have to bury since he can't risk having his reputation ruined by a "trouble making" daughter. At least not now that's he's running for senator. So he did what he's been doing for the past 14 years. Found the best academy he could lock me up in for good.

This time he chose Rosethorn Academy for Gifted Kids, which I've heard lots about. Mainly regarding how it's a elite school where extremely rich entitled parents send their spoiled bratty kids to, so that they can get on with their luxurious lives without having to worry about them for a good year. But also about how they have developed an intricate housing system that is substantially similar to Hogwarts from Harry Potter which I'm sorta excited to see.

"Make sure your clothes are straightened and your hair is patted down adequately Mencìa, your aim is to leave a good impression" says my mum walking alongside me with her back as straight and rigid as a sugar cane, nose pointed up to the sky, strolling along this unfamiliar corridor like she owns the place.

Despite initially being a mere "commoner", my mother has gained a sense of superiority over her peers when my dad chose to marry her. She is aware that most of them bad mouth her behind her back, but she could not care less because in her words "only miserable people have the time to look down on others since they aren't satisfied with what life has given them, successful people are too busy capitalising off of their success". In some ways I do admire her confidence, but sometimes I do wonder whether she's just putting up a front.

Me and her have been walking for what seemed like hours before we reached the door of the headmaster's office. "Look at me for a second" my mother says grabbing my chin and tilting my head towards her.

"Ow ma! You're hurting me" i loudly whisper , trying to not gain attention from the other passer-by's as she keeps tilting my head in every direction, closely analysing my face to detect any imperfections.

"Like I said, leaving a good impression is key" she reminds me, "Plus, you look great today, though I wish you wore something a little bit more...professional? concise?" She admits whilst simultaneously looking down at my outfit: an oversized grey hoodie with a black Metallica graphic tee underneath, a jean skirt, white slouch socks and a pair of black healed Mary Jane's.

"I think it's a pretty average outfit ma" I defensively say since I literally don't see what's wrong with it, this is literally how I dress everyday. "Exactly." she reaffirms leaving me dumbfounded as she proceeds to knock on the door.

"COME IN!" shouts a feminine voice inside the office. As we walk inside we are welcomed by a tall, slim blonde woman, standing right next to her desk. She seems to be in her mid 50's.

"You must be Mencìa Natalia Cypress" she says looking at me and holding her hand out smiling. I took it, shaking it lightly, slightly intimidated by how intensely she's gazing at me. Almost as if she was trying to uncover my deepest darkest secrets which made me wonder what she could already know about me.

"And you must be Amethyst VonDée, her guardian" she says while shaking hands with my mother

"Yes correct, it's nice to finally meet you Mrs Peregrine" she smiles, looking at her up and down whilst still maintaining a sense of elegance in her greet, which Mrs Peregrine seems to be slightly taken aback by, but she manages to quickly compose herself and greets her with the same intesity, "The pleasure is mine, why don't we all take a sit and chat for a bit" she says, guiding her hands towards the two cushioned chairs in front of her chestnut desk.

Me and my mother gladly take our sits and Mrs Peregrine joins us shortly after. "So Miss Cypress, what I have here in front of me is your curriculum from your other school" she informs us, "and by giving it a quick scan I would like to say that it's relatively impressive!" She adds, "You have an A in pretty much every subject- except for PE but we can work on that. Plus, we only look at academic subjects here and not really physical" she smiles at me reassuringly.

"Though a C isn't a bad grade so you don't have much to worry about, but..." she shifts her gaze from her computer screen to me, staring at me with so much intensity that it made me shake on my sit, anxiously waiting for the next words that were about to come out of her mouth.

"I just wanted to inform you that we do not tolerate any type misconduct here at Rosethorn" the tone of her voice changed, suddenly sounding a lot more stricter and colder, a juxtaposition of her initial sweet and reassuring voice.

My heart drops at the reminder of the past occurrences in my old school. I wanted a fresh start. I wanted to move on so badly and get away from it all. I tried forgetting every instance that had happen for my own sake, but it seems like this situation will forever keep haunting me.

"My husband has already taken care of it Mrs Peregrine so it shouldn't be an issue" my mother intervenes, probably sensing my discomfort, "Plus I am aware that he has left a rather large donation to prevent this topic from coming up again, was it not large enough? Should i refer it to him?" she adds, smugly looking at the headmaster with her head high.

I witness firsthand the colour of her face completely draining as she started frantically coughing, "No *cough* no need to result to such drastic measures, I just wanted to..." she pauses and looks at me with a tight smile "..tell Mencìa about how the academy works. I was not referring to anything in particular" she awkwardly laughs and diverts her gaze back to her computer screen.

"Shall we move onto sorting out the house you will be part of?" she utters, clapping her hands together.

I swiftly look at my mother which seems rather pleased after witnessing the headmaster literally shiver from terror at the mention of my father. Me and her both know that my father is a scary individual. Not many people are willing to go against him because of his overarching strong personality, and the faint rumours about the end that many of his competitors have met. I don't know if the rumours are true since I was never too keen on knowing how my dad handles his business, but I wouldn't be surprised if they were. He's a terryfying man.

"Okay so after our system calculated the mean of your grades, looked into your old extracurricular activities and analysed the frequency in your contribution both in class and during these clubs as well as your socio-economic status, it has suggested that the best house for you would be.... Làpis Lazzuli!" she announces excitedly, looking at me seeking for a reaction.

I give her a slight awkward smile which she seems disappointed by, probably expecting a bigger reaction from me. I have no idea about what significance the houses here hold so being put in Làpis Lazzuli doesn't really make a difference to me, I would have been content any where to be honest.

"That's perfect! That is exactly what me and her dad were hoping for!" my mum proudly exclaims, looking at me like I've just won a Nobel prize for world peace. Confused is literally an understatement for what I'm feeling right now.

"I'm very glad you're happy with the choice madame" Mrs Peregrine smiles "Mencìa, heres your timetable" she says handing me my seemingly packed schedule "and your designated uniform should have been delivered to your room by now, so when you go check it out it should be placed on your bed. If it's not, do not hesitate to ring front desk and they'll sort it out for you"

I nod feeling slightly light headed. It's done. It's over. I've been enrolled and now i'm officially a Rosethorne student. I'd be lying if i said that my heart didn't feel like it was literally about to jump out my throat. I knew the process wasn't going to take long but a little part in me hoped that this meeting would have lasted longer, or at least long enough for me to familiarise myself with the idea of frequenting a school where hopefully no one knew me. And i was going to make that my priority. I have to keep myself anomymous no matter what.

I pick my bag up from the ground where it was slouched against one of the legs of the desk and make my way outside the office alongside my mother.

"That was a succesful meeting, i'll make sure to refer everything back to your father, he'll be very pleased to hear that you made it into Lapis house" she says, looking at me ecstatic. I scoff, knowing that if she was refering to my dad, as in THE Lucious Santana then he most likely wouldn't have cared. He doesn't tend to mingle with my affairs, all he cares about is his "empire".

"What the hell is the deal with this Lapus Lozzuli house?" i frown perplexed, "It's LÀPIS LAZZULI, not Lupas Luzzoli or whatever language you just spoke right now" she corrects me "Plus, only the best of the best get accepted into that house. Think about every politician or successful business owner you know that has attended Rosethorne. They were all sorted into Làpis house. They call it the house of the 0.1 percentile" she triumphaly says, making a grand gesture with her arms to emphasise the significance of her statement "Because being in that house will guarantee you a prime spot amongst the elites of the population the second you're out of here".

I nod as i sign of understanding to cut the conversation short. I tuned out whatever she was saying the second she started talking about politicians and all that rubbish, i have bigger things to worry about, like what the uniform is gonna look like on me and how fast i'll be able change and walk to third period english literature to be able to get there before everyone else. The last thing i want right now is to have an entire group of post pubescent teenagers wonder where the fuck i came from just because i chose to appear at a more appropriate time.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

"Oh wow..." my mother says dumfounded by the large building that was currently facing us. "Oh wow indeed madre..." i reply being equally as dumbfounded as she was. The female dormitory is rather magnificient to say the least.

It's a slate grey brick building with a charcoal clay & concrete tile roof. The massive burgundy entrance door was shadowed by a vast ashen staircase in the same opaque shade as the building. The walkway was drowned by white pebbles that composed an ironically smooth path of gravel that flawlessly complimented the walls' colour, and the dormitory was surrounded by a perfectly trimmed bush that fenced the structure. Directly infront of it, in the centre of the expansive walkway, a bronze fountain stood, with a statue of a supposedly faceless woman holding a withering rose against her chest.

I make my way up the stairs clutching the ends of my jean skirt so tightly to avoid flashing anyone behind me and just to have something to hold because i genuenly don't know what to do with myself. The anxiety is eating me alive.

We make it through the entrance and are welcomed by a spacious hall, illuminated by an enormous crystal gold chandelier perfectly cascading above a large mahogany desk residing right in the centre.

A brunette tanned woman is sitting infront of a silver large screen behind the desk, loudly tapping away on her minuture iMac keyboard. She looked up once she heard us walking towards her and stood to greet us warmily "Hello! Nice to meet you both, i'm Faith" she said shaking both mine and my mother's hands. "You must be Mencìa" she looked at me with a bright smile "I was expecting you", she said whilst walking behind her desk and coming back round to where me and my mum are standing with a set of keys in her hands. She hands me the keys and i notice the large golden 77 engraved in the blue leather keychain attached to them.

"You will be residing in our solo suites on the third floor as requested by your father" i exhale, being glad that for once my dad cared enough to actually listen to me. I wouldn't have minded sharing a room with another student if it weren't for the special circumstances i'm currently in.

After all, i did have a roomate in my old school but unfortunately it didn't go as well as I planned...

I begged my father to request for a single room by myself, and i didn't think he was actually listening to me that day since he seemed to be a lot more captivated by contents on his work computer rather than his literal offspring standing in front of him begging for her life. I guess this time he actually acknowledged me.

"The elevators are this way" Faith points to her left towards the end the corridor where three silvery metallic doors were sitting against a brick wall next to each other. "Your suitcases should have been taken up to your room by now so don't you worry about them. Do call me if there's any concerns" she lastly says before returning back to her sit.

We made our way up to the third floor and found my room in no time, being that it was the only room at the very end of the corridor. There weren't many students around, as i recall noticing that the only people present in the bulding when i first walked in were Faith the receptionist and the tall security guard next to the entrance.

I figure that everyone must be in their respective classes right now hence the current sinister emptiness of the corridors.

"Okay brace yourself for disaster, we're here!!" my mother squeales excited. I grip onto the handle and open the door at a painfully slow pace with my breath hitched, expecting the worse even though it's probably just going to be an average sized empty room and I'm just overreacting.

The door opens all the way and we're met with a beautifully lighted spacious bedroom. The walls are pearly white with a pinkish undertone that I'm yet to determine whether it's due to the sunlight reflecting onto the majestic diamond chandelier in the dead centre of the ceiling, or if it's simply just the paint.

The floor is covered by a light grey carpet that I adore since I prefer walking around my room shoe less. A double bed rests upon a little round platform (also covered by the grey carpet) directly in front of the door. Its headboard is a silvery crushed velvet material. On the left side, two massive windows allow the sunlight outside to naturally light up the room, and a white couch with two fuchsia cushions sits underneath them.

A white mahogany desk resides on the right side of the room, between two doors. One leads to the en-suite bathroom and the other one leads to the walk-in closet. My suitcases were left in the middle of my room.

"I gotta admit this is much better than I expected" I say satisfied with what I was given. I'm not too sure whether it was my dad's doing or if these are just what the standard single rooms look like, but I'm happy nonetheless. I can't wait to decorate it.

"Your dad really outdid himself this time. That couch is fabulous! We need one in our bedroom" my mum says, pacing around the room inspecting the surroundings.

"What do you mean by 'dad outdid himself'? Did he remodel the room?!" I ask anxiously. I mean, I did request for a single room and it is indeed quite nice but I don't wanna receive any special treatments in case it brings too much attention. I would've been fine with anything.

"Not necessarily...but he did replace the original bed with the current one and he also got you the couch" she explains "plus the chandelier was my doing! Do you like it?" she looks at me hopeful, waiting for my response.

"It was a nice touch, I love it! Thanks mum" I say embracing her lovingly. A bit extra? Yes.

But what can I do. That's just how my mother shows her love for me every so often, especially since she doesn't get to do so in public anyway.

"You're welcome tesoro~" she replies hugging me back. I end our embrace and walk towards my bed where my uniform is sitting: An almost black navy blue blazer with 2 golden buttons, a blue and grey plaid bow tie with a big blue gem on the knot, a plaid pleated skirt of the same colour of the bow tie, and a complementary black gilet sweater that I'm guessing is for when the weather is colder.

"Do you need any help unpacking Mencià? Because I can stay for longer if you need me to" my mother asks me with a look of worry on her face.

"No thanks mum. I'm gonna go off to my first lesson soon so I'm probably not gonna unpack right now. Plus it'll give me something to do this evening so I should be fine" I tell her, smiling reassuringly.

"If you say so then I'll be taking my leave. Don't forget to call me tonight once you're back from your classes and don't even think about shortening your skirt Mencià..." she beings rambling as I start pushing her towards the door. Once she starts she'll never end.

"... and wear tights! And I'm not talking about those fishnets you're hiding in your suitcase. You thought I didn't see them huh?!" she carries on, "yeah mum I won't don't worry" I respond exasperated trying to cease her blathering.

"Also..." we're at the door now and she's finally stopped her rambling session. She's looking at me now, worry back on her face "Don't forget that we're always here for you. Your dad may not show it often but he loves you very much" A saddened look replaces the look of worry as she begins stroking my left cheek with her thumb

"You've gone through a lot of hardships but this is your chance to start over. Don't think about the past anymore and focus on building a new future. A future that you desire" she says, smiling at me reassuringly.

"Thanks for the advice madre~" i force a smile in an attempt to hide the tears that are about to spill out my eyes. Goodbyes are never easy, no matter how frequently they happen. I've gradually adapted to not being at home often being that I grew up going to various boarding schools, but this time it's different. It feels different.

"Please thank dad on my behalf for the bed and the couch" I say giving her one last hug. "I will~" she replies. We end our embrace and she gives me one last look before taking her leave.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

"Gosh~ spero di essermi portata tutto..."(I hope I brought everything I need) I mumble underneath my breath.

After mopping around my room for 30 minutes trying to figure out how to make my uniform look less dull, I finally left. I know I promised mum that I wouldn't wear the fishnets but I had no choice. I tried to add a little bit of me to my uniform by slightly shortening the skirt and wearing black fishnets with platform doc martens. Everything else is normal.

Third period starts in 45 minutes meaning that I still have time to get to my English classroom and settle in before the other students start swarming in.

Luckily I'm not experiencing much difficulty in finding the room thanks to the map of the school Faith gave on my way out, though I've noticed that the stares have increased and I'm starting to feel slightly anxious again.

Earlier today, I had thought that the reason why everyone was looking at me was because I was literally walking alongside my mother hence people figured that I was new and were just curious. But now I'm all by myself yet others are still staring at me, specifically at my neck, and whispering things underneath their breath to their friends if they're walking in duos or groups.

I'm trying to shake it off, but I'm finding it difficult to not think that they could know something. I feel like if I don't get out of here right now I'm going to start hyperventilating, which i absolutely need to avoid.

I begin rushing to find my classroom so I can seat down and stabilise my breath before everyone else gets there. After searching the hallway on the second floor for what seemed like an eternity, I finally find.

I go to open the door but I stop due to the unknown voices I'm hearing coming from inside. No one should be here yet, class literally starts in about 30 minutes then why am I hearing people inside?

"Have you not learnt your lesson yet? Must I remind you who you are again or are you gonna come to your senses?" says a male voice in a threatening but oddly calm voice followed by a loud bang and a weak mewl possibly coming from a second person in the room. I jolt as I take a step back thinking about whether I should just go back to my room and return at a more appropriate time.

"I-I-I-m s-s-s-orry. I won't do it a-a-gain. I must have lost my mind" pleaded someone with a shaky voice. Another loud bang occurs and this time a high pitched shriek of pain erupts from someone in that room. "You think sorry will cut it? How dare a parasite like you look at me" says the voice I heard at the beginning with a slightly more aggressive tone.

I can't stay here any longer. I'm not entirely sure about what's going on in there but what I'm sure about is that i don't want to be the next target. As I go to take my leave I suddenly come face to face with a girl who's seemingly been standing behind me for a while looking at me with what could only be deciphered as curiosity.

Since she hasn't uttered a word I choose to quietly keep moving. I'm not a fan of small talk as I fear awkwardness and I want to avoid it at all costs.

"Old money or new money?" the girl suddenly asks. I stop dead in my tracks, "I see you're Lapìs house so I'm assuming old money correct?" she insists after noticing my lack of response, "or...don't tell me you're social care!" she loudly whispers.

I look at her confused not entirely sure what to say. "How did you know I was Lapìs house?" I ask her the first question that popped into my mind.

She points at my neck and chuckles "Your bow tie. The gem in the middle is blue. Since you didn't know that then my assumptions were correct" she states proudly "You're new. That explains why I've never seen you around" she says, taking a step closer.

"My name is Aiura Yamaha but you can call me Yuri, nice to meet you" she triumphantly announces with a big bright smile revelling her perfectly curated white teeth. I nod and smile back introducing myself also but with a lot less energy "Nice to meet you, my name's Mencià".

She takes my hand and frantically shakes it, smile still wide and bright. Now that I'm taking a proper look at her I gotta admit that she's relatively beautiful. Her hair is dirty blonde styled in a pompous half up half down hairdo. Her skin is tanned and shiny emulating the reincarnation of what it means to be "baciata dal sole" (sun-kissed).

She's only wearing a white shirt with the first three buttons undone showing her prominent cleavage. Her bow tie is sitting lose around her neck, her skirt ends just below her bum and her thick white leg warmers rest on top of her black platform crocs decorated with a variety of random charms.

Her alternative way of dressing is a complete juxtaposition of her sweet innocent face. Her eyes are emphasised by the thick white eyeliner on her water line and the heavy nose contour gives her nose a more dainty and petite look.

"You didn't answer my question though" Aiura says, smile slightly faltering. I look at her clueless as I genuinely don't remember "Are you old money or new money?" she asks as I'm reminded of the set of questions she began her introduction with. She stares at me with much more intensity waiting for my response

"I-I don't know, what does that mean?" I ask trying to sound as calm as possible but failing miserably. For some reason I feel like saying the wrong answer will only lead to the possible future trouble I'm so desperately trying to avoid. I should've just kept walking. I don't know why I stopped to interact with her.

"Wait...you don't know?!" she looks at me in disbelief with her mouth agape and her pupils about to pop out of their sockets. Was I supposed to?

I slowly shake my head wary of her next response. "When did you start?" she asks me incredulous, "today..." I whisper looking behind her in search of an escape from this situation. I'm still very unsure about where this conversation is heading.

"Ohhh! In that case, let me give you a brief rundown of how things work in this school. But not here, follow me!" she grabs my arm catching me by surprise and begins hurriedly pulling me away.

With a struggle, I'm able to snatch my arm away from her surprisingly tight grip. Her head snaps back to face me again, but something's different. Her face is flushed and she keeps glancing at the door of my English class. "You really can't be here Mencià. Or at least not now. You need to come with me" she says in a panicked tone.

"But where are we goi-"

"Just come!" Aiura snaps grabbing my arm once more and dragging me away again. My intuition is telling me that following her may be the best option for me right now. I don't ask any further questions and i let her guide me down the hallway.

Suddenly, I hear the door of my English class swing open as we're nearing the end of the hallway. I try to look behind me to catch a peek of the person (or people) that was causing all that ruckus. All I'm able to see is a tall, slightly slender silhouette with jet black wavy hair before Aiura takes a corner and my view get obstructed by the wall.

#hyunjin #hwang hyunjin #hyunjin fanfic #hyunjin x oc #hyunjin x reader #hyunjin smut #stray kids #skz #skz fanfic #skz smut #hyunjin angst

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probablyasocialecologist · 7 months

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Ant colonies seem the perfect natural instance of a social system governed by division of labour. All known species of ants – now about 14,000 – live in colonies. An ant colony consists of one or more reproductive females, called ‘queens’, who lay the eggs. All the rest of the ants, the ones you see walking around, are sterile female ‘workers’, daughters of the queen and the males with whom she mated. In the 1970s, the biologist E O Wilson set the agenda for research on ants by extolling the virtues of division of labour. He freely used metaphors from human society to describe a colony as a ‘factory within a fortress’. In this metaphor, each ant is programmed to carry out its appointed task. Some ants feed the larvae; while others go out to get food. Using a term that refers to ascribed social positions in Hindu society, Wilson called an ant’s task its ‘caste’. The idea was that an ant’s task is fixed. The implication was that the workers in an ant colony, all sisters or half-sisters, are divided into naturally fixed groups, and genetically programmed to perform a particular task. This perspective is depicted in the movie Antz (1998): a harried bureaucrat stamps each larva as a soldier or forager. Thus each ant’s role is unalterable destiny, much like the handsome and intelligent Alphas and the semi-moronic Epsilons of Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World (1931). We know now that ants do not perform as specialised factory workers. Instead ants switch tasks. An ant’s role changes as it grows older and as changing conditions shift the colony’s needs. An ant that feeds the larvae one week might go out to get food the next. Yet in an ant colony, no one is in charge or tells another what to do. So what determines which ant does which task, and when ants switch roles? The colony is not a monarchy. The queen merely lays the eggs. Like many natural systems without central control, ant societies are in fact organised not by division of labour but by a distributed process, in which an ant’s social role is a response to interactions with other ants. In brief encounters, ants use their antennae to smell one another, or to detect a chemical that another ant has recently deposited. Taken in the aggregate, these simple interactions between ants allow colonies to adjust the numbers performing each task and to respond to the changing world. This social coordination occurs without any individual ant making any assessment of what needs to be done.

#ants #entomology #wildlife #e o wilson #biology #economics #division of labour

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leverage-ot3 · 6 months

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silly episode idea but hear me out

okay well the first part isn’t silly! so the episode is based around a con they are doing where a polyam triad wants to get married and have been writing to senators and stuff for years but nothing has happened. maybe there is a time element that leeway has to happen soon (not sure what that would be yet, maybe someone is sick???)

(obviously polycules aren’t only and are often more than just a closed three-person system, but I’m saying triad right now bc I feel like that would be an easier and more ‘socially acceptable’ gateway into more accepting legislation for diverse relationship dynamics)

the leverage crew, of course, can’t outright change the public perception of poly marriage, but they can use the ‘enemy’s’ tactics against them and slip stuff into legislation without people noticing like they do. it’s slimy and it’s not a permanent fix, but it’s a start, and it gives people the opportunity to see poly marriage in action and that it isn’t as terrifying or pearl-clutching-inducing as they think it would be. there’s a long way to go, but the seeds of change have been sown and they will make sure everything goes as smoothly as possible

this is one of the cases that they will monitor on the back burner over time. some cons can finish within a few hours (the bottle job), and some things they will follow over time and make adjustments when needed- amplify voices and expose corrupt politicians etc

and then it’s just after 3/4 of the way through but the con has been finished? what is going on? this is where the silliness comes in

the camera turns to the ot3 and…

hardison, pulling out three individualized rings: I know it’s not legal yet, and we have the necklaces, but I think rings would be a nice touch

eliot, pulling out an intricately carved box that also has three self-handcrafted rings: dammit hardison (with feeling and tenderness, and damp eyes)

parker, pulling out three very stolen rings from her pocket: does this mean we’re getting triple married if we all have three rings???

harry pops into the conversation (practically vibrating) excitedly just casually mentioning that he’s a notary and would be honored to marry them to each other if they wanted to

(they do)

wait, did I say silly? I meant unwaveringly tender and heartwarming

#this started out as a funny proposal headcanon but it just turned into sweet and cute #I had a version where eliot proposed first and then hardison went to get his but parker pickpocketed him #but this is more sweet #I know she loves pickpocketing but I feel like she wouldn’t take that moment away from him if she thinks it matters that much that way #but also. have you considered it would be hilarious #and omg they have such a good wedding!!! so many people invited!!! sophie has a ball organizing it #(hardison and eliot get veto power of course. parker does too but she only really cares about the cake. as long as she has her boys and her #family she’ll be happy with whatever the wedding looks like. eliot though has Thoughts on catering & hardison stresses about color schemes)#breanna and harry kick their feet and giggle like schoolgirls they are SO HAPPY the ot3 gets their moment #they have been (quietly) (unsuccessfully) shipping them for forever this is VINDICATION #I should link the post about who is invited to the ot3 wedding (list ever expanding)#I’m literally posting this at midnight but I didn’t want to schedule or queue it. I want it out now. instant gratification babey #eliot spencer #parker #alec hardison #leverage ot3 #parker x hardison x eliot #leverage #leverage redemption #episode ideas #fic ideas #I know I’ve written a proposal post/ficlet before but I was too lazy to find it #polyamory #ot3 marriage #marriage #weddings #harry wilson #thiefsome #hitter hacker thief #mine

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hollowed-theory-hall · 24 days

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Throwing out the Epilogue and Cursed Child, how would you imagine the ending of the series? Like, what comes next after Harry goes to bed after beating Voldemort?

Anonymous asked:

What changes you would like to see in the wizarding world after the war?

Anonymous asked:

If you could rewrite the epilogue of Harry Potter, how would you do it and what changes would you make?

Thank you for the asks, it gave me a reason to try and think more about what I actually want from a post-book 7 story since I usually prefer to diverge from canon before book 7. I already talked a bit about the epilogue here, but this is more of a list of things I would like to see instead of reasons I don't like the existing one. There are going to be a lot of headcanons here, so be ready for that. I don't have something super thought out in terms of how it'll happen or who will be involved in everything in the long run. But I have a few bullet points about the epilogue itself and further in the future for the HP characters.

Like, for the epilogue itself, as I wrote in the past, I'd make it only a few months in the future, not years. What I'd put there is:

Showing a bit of the Golden Trio's friendship, and the three being hopeful about the future.

They are back at Hogwarts for 8th year and offhandedly mention Harry tried to go straight to Auror training and regretted leaving Hogwarts behind so quickly.

Ron was with Harry in Auror training and when Harry told him he was dropping out, Ron dropped out too. Kingsly assures them they could both return and continue the training from the point they dropped out after 8th year (Ron would return, Harry wouldn't).

They all get to worry about a future they weren't sure they'd have.

It's mentioned Neville is helping out Sprout and Harry is helping out the changing roaster of DADA teachers (since McGonagall decided to not really sign one on permanently to avoid the curse until it could be broken).

Some sections of Hogwarts are still a little worse for wear or were rebuilt completely after the battle and it shows.

Society is a little different. I want to see a Hogwarts where houses don't matter as much. Actually, start building the unity the sorting hat sang about. Show Harry has a few Slytherins he's friendly with. Show a pure-blood Slytherin be at least polite to Hermione — show the seeds of change.

Harry and Hermione are both mentioned going to the ministry for various meetings, and we get a hope that the ministry could be changed from within. That the system that let Voldemort and the Death Eaters take over so easily could be helped.

The epilogue won't show the actual changes or politics, just imply they are happening/or will happen. Many of the ex-DA members are primed for key positions in the ministry which would help this change to happen. Still, it would be slow, but now that there is no war, they have time. Like, the epilogue would mention people like Susan Bones getting a good position in the DMLE or something.

They reference rebuilding Diagon Alley and many places that were destroyed along with setting up a war monument and a separate monument for muggleborns.

Basically, I just want to end on a note of hope, of seeing a reason to work towards a future Harry finally had, you know?

But, that note of hope needs to have a bitter taste to it. I'd mention how this year, almost all the students could see the Thestrals leading the carriages to Hogwarts, an entire generation who gazed upon death.

Like, I don't care that much who Harry marries and what he names his kids, so I don't really mind not seeing that and leaving that to each reader to imagine their own future for him. If I were to rewrite the epilogue, that's what I'd do, I'd keep it vague.

As for other things I have in mind for Harry's future after the books, well, I think I mentioned some of them in the post I linked but I'll note down a few:

Harry becomes DADA professor and eventual deputy headmaster for McGonagall and Professor Potter doesn't let an abused kid go unnoticed. He's going to do something about it, for all houses.

Ron does still become an Auror, and I see him getting really good and valued there. I want Ron to become head of the DMLE instead of Harry.

I like to imagine Hermione becoming an Unspeakable actually, I think she'd enjoy it more than politics. Like, as much as she cares, she isn't very politically savvy. She is going to use Harry's Potter Wizengamot seat and war hero status (+ her own war hero status) to help him and other ex-DA members push for more creature rights and changes in the Wizarding World though.

Neville becomes a Herbology Professor and head of Gryffindor, and he and Harry become closer friends when they work together at Hogwarts.

Harry also breaks the DADA curse, either by figuring it out (he's very intuitive about magic and he knows how Tom thinks, so he could figure it out) or the curse recognizes him and just ceases. Even if Harry isn't a Horcrux anymore, I think carrying Tom's soul for so long had a lasting effect, so he just might get a pass. And even if the curse doesn't break, honestly, if anyone knows how to survive a year at Hogwarts when something's out to kill you it's the Boy-Who-Lived. So the curse might break after it fails once because it's Harry James Potter, Master of Death extraordinaire, and exception to magic.

I think Luna continues editing the Quibbler with her father, as well, and after the war, it becomes a real competition for the Prophet. She still becomes a Magizoologist in my headcanon.

Harry would eventually become Hogwarts headmaster, I think, in my version of events. Obviously, this would be way later, but I really see it happening. I'm hoping in his time as headmaster he'll finally fire Binns and get an actual history teacher into this school.

As for shipping, in my ultimate vision, Harry and Theo get together either during 8th year or by meeting in the ministry, maybe in Wizengamot warlock conventions (since Theo's father was a Death Eater and is either dead or in Azkaban, it'll be Theo there). I believe Theo wasn't actually in Britain during book 7 and the war and that's how he got out of being a Death Eater. He wasn't mentioned among the Slytherins that were in Hogwarts, so it's possible. I disagree with everything Cursed Child did to my boy Theo Nott except him being an Unspeakable since I can see that happening. His and Hermione's work dynamic in the DOM could be really fun, I think and it might be how he and Harry start talking.

For everyone else, I'm honestly less picky. I'm fine with Ron and Hermione together at the end, but I'd also be fine if they won't be, so 🤷‍♀️

#hp #harry potter #asks #anon asks #anonymous #harry potter epilogue #harry potter thoughts #hp thoughts #hollowedrambling #hp headcanon #hollowedheadcanon

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the-paris-of-people · 2 months

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but yk that marginalised communities are Also gonna be harmed by a harris government? ofc trump will be worse but acting as if it’s only privileged oppressive ppl who are willing to risk it for change & a 3rd party bc at least with kamala we’ll all be safe(r) is silly and privileged in itself. for many ppl four more years of either party is going to be hell. and we need to start pushing for change Now.

Okay, so what is this "change" that I've been hearing about for the last several years? How do we organize a revolution against the largest military superpower in the world? How do we dismantle our infrastructure and build everything from scratch? WHAT do we build from scratch across this giant country? How do we get other people on board? How do we reconcile this vision of a utopia with people from other cultures and backgrounds with a completely different framework to achieve a common goal? How do we protect the disabled, elderly, chronically ill LGBTQ+ populations who rely on federal government assistance? How do we protect children and their lives, education and development during this time period? How do we protect marginalized people in red states where they will be the first to be killed?

I'm frustrated because "pushing for change" is so fucking vague and fails to account for the actual repercussions and havoc that unleashing a revolution will lead to. "Pushing for change" when the left is so incredibly disorganized and unprepared and fighting simply about the most basic tool at our arsenal to push the system slightly to our advantage (voting) when the alt-right is incredibly well-organized, prepared, and violent. Everyone wants to be the flag planter and the face of the revolution, but the reality is because the left is ill-prepared and disorganized, we're going to fucking die before we realize the revolution is even taking place. I said it before and I'll say it again, you do not have the right to unleash death and violence among people who do not consent to it. You do not have the right to unleash death and violence among people who do not consent to it. It's not wrong for people to value their current lives and want to protect their home.

Also, I'm genuinely confused as to how voting 3rd party is going to help. How have some of the 3rd party candidates ever helped the people in the U.S.? What political experience do they have? What resources do they have at their disposal? How will they use those resources effectively to protect vulnerable populations in the United States and alter pro-expansionist US foreign policy and diplomatic ties? How is diverting money and resources to frankly more imperfect politicians working within the political system within the United States going to help? How is voting for a party that is not going to win a useful practice of one of the only tools we have left for democracy? I'm genuinely not as educated about third parties but I have not seen a single concrete reason to why I should support them, other than that Democrats and Republicans are both evil and people want to remain morally pure. Mostly I have been seeing/talking to marginalized populations from blue states who are protected by state laws, but you're the first person who is implied to perhaps live in a red/swing state and be a marginalized person.

I don't know your situation, and I can't pretend to, and I'm sorry life in American has been terrible for you. Capitalism is terrible for many people and preys on vulnerable populations to support the ultra-wealthy. I absolutely hate it and I think everyone deserves human dignity, right, and basic needs. However, I'm genuinely confused as to when I said "everyone will be safe under Kamala Harris" I looked at my posts and I never said, nor do I believe it. I simply was advocating for harm reduction and expressing a sliver of hope and optimism, because the reality is, considering the ENTIRE AMERICAN POPULATION, we will be safer with Kamala Harris since she needs to young vote and is mutable than with Donald Trump and it's incredibly dangerous and harmful and frankly misinformation to say otherwise. Usurping millions of civil servants, fully stripping women of their reproductive rights and from receiving life changing healthcare (INCLUDING WHEN THEY HAVE A MISCARRIAGE OR HAVE A COMPLICATION WITH THEIR PREGNANCY), mass deportation of undocumented citizens, slashing funding for climate change, and promoting capital punishment is designed to disproportionately affect and eradicate marginalized populations across the entire nation on a scale that has never been seen before. There's hell but a hell in which we have one last semblance of democracy and leverage our power as young voters to push the Democratic party to the left while we try to work together, and organize something better, and then there's hell where we're all dead and cannot even vote anymore. And then there's the third party option, which frankly IS NOT VIABLE BECAUSE THERE ARE TWO MONTHS TO THE ELECTION AND WE HAVE TWO QUALIFIED, EXPERIENCED CANDIDATES WITH A COLOSSAL AMOUNT OF MONEY, POWER, AND NAME RECOGNITION.

Finally, IT'S NOT SILLY AND PRIVILEGED TO VOTE FOR THE CANDIDATE THAT HAS THE MOST VIABLE CHANCE OF WINNING IF IT HAS THE BEST CHANGE OF PROTECTING YOUR RIGHTS AND LIVELIHOOD OF VULNERABLE POPULATIONS IN THE STATES.

What bothers me most is that fracturing people into leftists who want to vote third party/don't vote vs. liberals who vote Democrat is used by the alt-right to divide people with the same ideology. Please understand that this way of thinking is a strategic move on the Republicans who, contrary to leftist belief, are far worse than the Democrats. I implore you to reconsider, read Project 2025 and consider the scope of it, but I understand your vote is yours alone.

I genuinely would love to work with people and research local initiatives we can advocate for/reach out to our representatives and actually take steps towards changing the infrastructure we need for the so-called revolution so in the near-distant future we actually have a fucking shot of winning. We all appear to agree on the same issues, so I would like to take action to actually move something forward rather than relying on a third party or revolution to save us.

#ask #answered #anon #politics #kamala harris #jd vance #donald trump #joe biden

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marinsawakening · 9 months

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It really does actually annoy me when people claim FMA is a pro-revolution narrative because it's no more pro-revolution than any other fantasy series. Like half of the fantasy books in existence contain a spunky gang overthrowing an evil government/king. Fucking Harry Potter ended in a revolution. The presence of a revolution in a fantasy/sci-fi series does not in itself make for a pro-revolution narrative in a real world context.

The catalyst for FMA's revolution is not its genocide or the ongoing racism, discrimination, and disenfranchisement of the Ishvalan people. The catalyst for its revolution is that there are evil fantasy monsters masquerading as a government intent on using the massacres they've already caused to destroy the whole country via a magic ritual. The solution to the actual, real world problems of colonization, discrimination, and genocide is routinely and explicitly stated to be working within the system. Miles' entire character more or less exists to show an Ishvalan working within the military in order to change the system from the inside, and is contrasted with Scar (the only other Ishvalan character), whose chosen method is violence and direct disruption of the system, in a favorable way. And Miles' character is just one way in which this message — work within the system to change minds — is reinforced. 'Violent revolution' is a reaction to a fantasy threat, not real-world problems.

Revolution is a fun plot for fantasy/sci-fi because it pits underdog heroes against an overwhelming evil. And also, most people will agree in the abstract that revolutions are justified when faced with an overwhelming evil. The actual point of contention is what constitutes an 'overwhelming evil'. Most fantasy bypasses this messy question (and otherwise sanitizes revolutions) in various ways, allowing people who shudder at real-life revolutions to root for our heroes. FMA is no different; its fantasy threat, unreplicable in real life, is the driving factor and excuse for revolution, whereas its reaction to more grounded problems in Amestris' society is 'working within the system'.

Without the fantasy threat of the homunculi working towards a nation-wide transmutation circle that'll kill literally everyone in it, FMA never would've justified a revolution. Not on behalf of the Ishvalans, not as a reaction to genocide. Think of this what you will, I'm not here to tell you what to think about violent revolutions, but under these circumstances, I do not think it's accurate to describe FMA as a pro-revolution narrative anymore than it's accurate to describe Harry Potter as one.

#Sorry to mention harry potter in the year 2023 but i chose it specifically to illustrate #That the presence of a revolution (even one tied to discrimination) does not necessarily make for a pro-revolution narrative #Or a narrative that handles race well for that matter. Lmao #My posts #fma

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strawberrygiorno · 1 year

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I've seen people talk about Kim's daily cigarette and the connection to the lungs and how if he's left in Martinaise he smokes a second cigarette and how that links to his feelings for Harry.

What I haven't seen is people talking about the cigarette also involving fire. Fire, which the game repeatedly uses to represent hope, change, and revolution.

Let's take a look at the lines after his one-a-day habit is introduced:

[Text ID: KIM KITSURAGI - "You mean this?" The light of his cigarette illuminates a fleeting smile. "This isn't cool - it's an unnecessary trial of will. And unhealthy." He flicks the ash.

VOLITION - Keeping the habit within the parameters he's given himself takes a lot of focus. It would be easier to simply quit.

COMPOSURE - Yet were he to quit, he would lose the cool factor. This man relishes his cool quite a bit -- below it all. End ID]

This is clearly an allegory for the way he tries to keep his emotions under tight control, and this includes his desire for something better for Revachol. Volition states that it would be easier to quit than to do what Kim does. Giving up hope, resigning himself to the world he's in, would mean less disappointment, more distance, less pain, but it would mean removing a significant part of himself. That spark is too important to him to extinguish fully. Being in the RCM, though, means he needs to keep that spark as dim as possible. Otherwise, he might draw attention himself or actually process his role in suppressing the change he can't help but want.

This is interesting when coupled with some statements he makes later if you ask him his position on the Moralintern and Dolorianism.

[Text ID: KIM KITSURAGI - "The Moralintern are a fact. I try not to have opinions on facts -- until they change. And," he looks at the city below, "It doesn't look like that's about to happen." End ID]

[Text ID: YOU - "Kim, are you a follower of Dolorianism?"

KIM KITSURAGI - "Yes. We all are. Her name, body, and rule are synonymous with humanism. The laws we enforce are Dolorian in origin."

YOU - "I didn't think you were spiritual."

KIM KITSURAGI - "It's not spiritual. It's constitutional. The Dolorian system does not demand faith -- only accordance." End ID]

These answers are both so... empty. There's no belief in either of these systems, just that resignation to the fact of their existence. He is, on some level, aware of what he is supporting. That tiny revolutionary desire of his keeps him from identifying with it, though his refusal to stoke that flame simultaneously keeps him from rejecting it to pursue something he *can* believe in.

So, Kim takes refuge in something he knows is true: facts. He knows how the world works, and he knows that there aren't mysterious things like giant bug cryptids or 2-millimeter holes in the world involved in Martinaise.

Except, there are those things, as well as other things that challenge what Kim holds to be facts, and he is forced to accept that the world is much stranger and much more beautiful than he dared to believe.

Over the course of one week, facts change.

The first cigarette we see Kim smoke that final day comes out almost immediately after Harry wakes up after the tribunal, which is completely understandable. After experiencing the tribunal and seeing Harry in so much pain and abandoned by his precinct, of course Kim is experiencing affection for Harry and anger at the system that created this situation.

Later, looking at the message painted on the ground in oil, Harry sets it on fire. What does he use to do this?

[Text ID: YOU - "Step back, lieutenant." (Set the graffito on fire with a lit cigarette.)

ONE DAY I WILL RETURN TO YOUR SIDE - The fuel oil catches fire immediately with an ominous hiss -- a bright orange flash across the surface of the letters. Black smoke rises from the burning message. End ID]

A cigarette. One spark to set off the massive fire. A fire that warms both of them.

That brings us to Kim's second cigarette he smokes when left in Martinaise. It's a representation of how irrevocably changed Kim is by his experience on this case. Even if he and Harry don't go on to continue working together, this one week has stirred something in Kim that causes that hopeful, revolutionary fire in his lungs to burn a little brighter, and for once he decides to fan the flame.

#disco elysium #kim kitsuragi #it speaks #i hope this is coherent #i have a bunch of other thoughts but it was too hard to get them all into one post #so focusing on the cigarettes for now haha

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finelinevogue · 2 years

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love me tomorrow

summary - you and Harry are high-school teachers and he loves you. the only issue is; you're a married woman

warnings: domestic abuse/violence - both emotional and physical, swearing, it’s very much a hurt/comfort piece. this is pretty heavy going and i need you all to know that abuse isn't okay, and i hope that you reach out to people if you need to. if you ever need a simple friend, for literally whatever reason, i'm always here! xx

pairing: teacher!harry x teacher!reader

word count: +13.8k

Life had been good to you. For the most part.

Life had given you a wholesome family who supported your every choice - even the drastic ones like choosing to live in Namibia for a year. Life had given you an incredible education, leading you on to a fulfilling life of educating the new generations. Life had given you so much love. Life had given you a healthy body and mind which you'd always cherished, up until recently.

Finding 'the one' in your life isn't supposed to be an easy road, but you were challenged with the hardest of them all.

Rodger Cassidy.

The name of the man who has made life feel meaningless and you feel worthless.

That night you believed you'd met your soulmate.

Until you realised you hadn't.

After two years of being together he popped the question - you thinking that he'd taken long enough. Now, though, maybe he hadn't.

Rodger, or Ro as you started to nickname him, was the sweetest. He always drove you to work and back. He always made you a coffee in the mornings. He always stayed up late if you were out with the girls. But then it all changed and you never understood why. Whether it was something creeping up on him from his past, the stresses of every day life or troubles with his family you just didn't know. All you knew it that you were the one he'd take his stress and anger out on at the end of the day.

The world had become a lot smaller since meeting Ro, both emotionally and physically. At first he stopped you from going abroad, saying that you didn't have the money to be wasting away on abroad luxuries anymore - but it was perfectly okay for him to be spending on gambling and alcohol instead. Then he cut you off from your friends and family, having texted them a long message explaining how they weren't suitable company anymore - but you were allowed to be friends with his druggie friends. Last, was not letting you out of the house unless he was with you or for work.

Never did you think that you would feel so trapped, but here you were.

Obviously you had put your foot down, each time, standing up for yourself and explaining that it wasn't okay to take away your freedom and your love like this. You'd even tried escaping one night through the window, to go to your best friends birthday party, but he caught you - explaining that if he ever found you leaving him again he'd kill you. Each time you would do something he didn't like, it would result in a beating - which is why you are very hypersensitive.

It wasn't worth trying to be you anymore, you had to play by his rules now.

Your only chance of escape was work and it was the best 6 hours of your day.

Working at a primary school was the greatest decision of your life, even after marrying Ro. You'd worked there before marrying Ro and it was the one sense of normality that he let you keep from what you like to call your previous life.

The primary school had never been the end goal. You had really wanted to teach undergraduates at university, because your lectures at university were awful and you wanted to change the system. However, getting a job as a lecturer was a lot harder than you thought not having considered that you would need a PhD to do so. So primary school teaching it was and it was the best decision of your life.

You'd found an advert online for support staff at 'Snowdrops Primary School' and loved the sound of it. You instantly sent in your resume and within a week they'd gotten back to you, stating how impressed they'd been with your CV and wanted to call you in for a taster session. Upon arrival they had told you on the low that you'd already got the job, but that they had to ask you in for a taster session due to protocol. Engaging with the kids that day was a happiness that you'd never felt in your life. They were so care-free, yet so vulnerable, and you promised yourself that you'd help them become the best versions of themselves. At the end of the day you had a long meeting, which resulted in them congratulating you on your new job with them.

It still is the best thing to have happened to you.

Getting to see your students grow every day, and at such a young age, was something very special to you. Knowing that they would go home feeling that little bit smarter was something you prided yourself on. Whether it be they'd learnt how to add four and two together, whether they'd successfully learnt how to spell their name or whether they'd managed to colour in a picture in between the lines, you were proud of all of them.

You taught a class of 14 and they were the best people in your life.

"You better be ready at 4:30pm Y/N. I'm going to be pissed if I have to come inside that stupid school and find you, again." Ro spat at you as he pulled up outside the school.

"O-okay." You answered quietly.

Before you could open the door he grabbed your wrist tightly, making you wince at how harsh it was. You couldn't escape from his grip if you tried though, his hand being tighter than a leather belt.

"Really pissed, so i'd be careful if I were you." He threatened.

You really couldn't deal with him today.

Escaping the car as quickly as possible you made your way swiftly in to the building. As you passed students you would say hello and good mornings, just as they would to you. Your class' students were already sat at their desks waiting for you, greeting you with a chorus of mornings as you said hello to them all.

The day went quite well actually, considering the awful morning you'd had. Rodger had "accidentally" pushed you down the last few stairs, making you land on your ankle in a, not so, funny way and bruising the entirety of your hip. It was as if someone had got purple paint and splatted it all over your left side. It hurt to sit down for reasons you didn't understand and then stand back up - so you did a lot of your teaching standing up today.

Luckily for you, you'd gotten quite good at hiding the pain over the years and so no one really questioned why there was an ever so slight limp in you left ankle, or why you kept on running a hand protectively over your left side.

On Friday's your class and Harry’s class would come together to do arts and crafts in the afternoon. Strictly, you weren't supposed to and instead were supposed to be coming together for additional maths or english lessons, but you and Harry thought that was a bit harsh on a Friday afternoon. After much persuasion you and Harry, collaboratively, managed to convince the head teacher to let the children's creativity flow instead hence creating an artistry period.

Harry’s students were a mixed class too, but his class were a little more rowdy than yours which you suspected had something to do with Harrys extroverted personality, compared to your introverted one. Your class were a lot more tranquil, but you weren't complaining.

They were your calm away from the storm.

This particular afternoon you had asked the kids to make an artefact for someone that meant a lot to them. Some inspiration you'd given was perhaps a card for your mum or maybe a name badge for a pet. It could be anything. Then on Monday, after they'd given their artefact to whoever, they would write a sentence or two about the reaction of the gift receiver.

You were currently sat with Hallie, one of your quietest students, and one whom you saw yourself in, working on her artefact. You were surprised when she'd asked whether she was allowed to make an artefact for Harry, or Mr Styles to her, but you told her as long as she gave it to him with a good enough reason then there was no problem there.

"What are you two mischiefs up to?" Harry asked, coming to sit down on the chair opposite you both, whilst you two continued to giggle.

"No Mr Styles! You can't see. Mrs Cassidy and I are painting for you." Hallie exclaimed, covering her little arms over the art that you'd been working on. Harry leant back against the chair, arms up in defence and looked at you instead of Hallie and her present.

"Sorry! Sorry Hallie. You both painted it though? For me?" Harry smirked, knowing he would tease you for this later - or maybe not when he finds out what it is. You squinted your eyes at him, already knowing his devious plot against you. You knew him too well for him to let this go.

"Yes, Mr Styles." Hallie nodded her head, glancing upwards to make sure Harry wasn't cheating. She looked up to see him watching you instead, noticing the sparkle in his eyes she saw in her own mum and dads. "It was Mrs Cassidy's idea to paint it, otherwise it would still be not colourful." She added, picking up a different paintbrush to use a different colour. Her grammar wasn't technically correct, but you hadn't learnt about sentence structure yet so neither of you felt the need to correct her.

"Mrs Cassidy?" You heard Jada shout politely from the other side of the room. She had her hand patiently waiting in the air and you felt slightly guilty over how long she'd been sat there waiting for you. You had been too caught up with Harry that you didn't even notice.

"I'm coming Jada." You shouted back, not wanting to have the full conversation with her from opposite ends of the classroom.

You got up from the chair you'd been sat in, wincing slightly from the shooting pain in your hip, and pointed you fore-fingers from your eyes to point at Harry, threatening him that you were watching him and that he better not try and persuade Hallie to show him his present if you weren't there. Harry held his hands up to you, which made you felt better about leaving. However, you didn't feel good about the concerned look in his eyes from when you'd stood up.

Jada put her hand down when you finally came over and started to help her with a glue problem she was having. Apparently Dennis, the boy sat next to her, and from Harry’s class no surprise, had glued her hands together for fun, but it had turned out to be stickier glue than they both expected. At least it wasn't superglue.

The class continued for an hour before you slowly wrapped up, letting some people showcase their artefacts. Dennis showed his name tag that he'd made for his pet fish, who was named after a certain clownfish from a beloved Disney movie - although it was written as the alternative spelling of 'Neemow'. Parker showed the snowflake that he'd made for his mum, with the help of Harry's cutting expertise.

It wasn't until after class, during the last recreational play time outside before the end of the day, that Hallie gave her artefact away.

"Mr Styles?" Hallie asked, holding her piece of art behind her back. You and Harry were tidying away the trays of colouring pencils, pens, glues and scissors back in to their assigned drawers.

"Hello Hallie." Harry stopped what he was doing and crouched down, seeing as he was a lot taller than her. He knew she had something to give her, since she'd been antsy about him seeing her art all afternoon.

"My gift is to you." She told him, swaying on the balls of her feet in nervous anticipation.

You watched the two interact as you filed away the paper into the correct trays, pushing the chairs firmly under the tables as you did so.

"Well thank you." Harry said gratefully, before even receiving it. Even if you didn't understand the reasoning behind the piece of art Hallie had created, you did know that Harry would get emotional over it.

Hallie cautiously moved her arms around front and presented her small token to Harry. She looked at him carefully, studying every facial expression carefully to see how well she'd done - or how badly. Harry was taken aback by the small, yet significant, gesture. It shouldn't have made Harry feel the way it did, but he could feel the tears starting to form in his eyes.

It was a medal.

Not just any medal though. Not a 'Number 1 teacher' or anything like that. It was a medal that had come from the heart. It was a 'You're my hero' medal. Harry didn't quite understand what he'd done to deserve such a thing, but he definitely thought it was the sweetest thing he'd received in a long time. He never expected to create such an impression on a student - especially one that he didn't even specifically teach.

"Do you like it?" Hallie asked, needing some sort of validation to know that her efforts weren't all for nothing. You knew that even if it were the ugliest looking thing in the world Harry would love it all the same. He would never have a bad word to say.

"Hallie I love it. Thank you, but what is it for?" He asked, making you listen extra carefully to her next words.

"Well it says you're my hero, because you made Mrs Cassidy smile the other day when she was upset."

Hallie's words made you freeze. You, thankfully, weren't holding anything to drop on the floor to create a ruckus. You were shocked, completely. You were glad you didn't have to say anything to her right now because your whole mind had shut down.

It baffled you that a girl of five years old could tell that you were upset. You had been upset, but you didn't realise it was that obvious. You started to feel a little guilty for making Hallie witness your dark moments. What made up for it was the fact that she'd noticed that Harry was there to make you feel better. She did the thanking on behalf of you both. Technically she had said that it was being made from both of you, but you never knew you were helping because of that reasoning.

This was hitting you hard.

"Wow. That's very kind of you. I'll keep it with me always." Harry promised.

"Thanks Mr Styles." You wanted to believe that she was thanking him in reply to his words, but you felt that she was thanking him on a deeper level - as if thanking him for making you smile.

More of the conversation occurred between them, but you were too lost in your own mind to hear them. You'd stopped putting away the equipment and were instead staring outside, looking up at the darkening clouds.

"You okay?" You hear Harry’s voice swoon around you. You looked to the side of you and gave him a half-hearted smile, nodding your head since no words were able to form yet. "Hey, you can smile better than that. I would know." He proudly held up the medal for you to see, which made you genuinely laugh. "Didn't get this medal for nothing, Y/N/N."

You smiled to yourself, knowing you were beyond blessed to have this man in your life.

•••••

Life wasn't so blessed at home, however.

Luckily for you, you'd made it on time to meet Rodger, but unluckily it still didn't mean you were in the clear tonight.

Tonight was game night, which was the worst. Rodger would be always watch the footie with a bottle of beer, or seven, in one hand and a blunt in the other. These were some of the worst nights, because all the drugs and alcohol he took would never hit him until later on in the evening and that's when his rough side came out.

You wished you could prevent the inevitable, but it was just impossible.

Rodger had removed all the locks from the doors, bar the front door and back door, so you couldn't blockade him from you. You did that once, locking yourself in the bathroom, but when he broke down the door and found you in the bathtub he punched you so hard you passed out - you didn't wake until 14 hours later. He hadn't even taken you to hospital.

There were times, one game night, where his mates would come around. When that was the case you were absolutely degraded. He made you wear short, and tight, skirts, along with crop tops that were just exposed for too much, and serve them all beers and cigarettes throughout the evening. If you were well behaved, which had only happened once, then he let you go to bed early, otherwise he would openly hit you in-front of his friends. You thought that one of them might've helped, but they all just laughed - or joined in. It was those times when you wished you were never born.

He is nothing more than a monster.

"Y/N?" You heard Rodger shout from down the corridor. "Y/N!" He shouted louder, not even giving you two seconds before replying.

"Coming." You calmly replied back. You'd learnt that if you shouted back then it would make everything so much worse. One time, because he knew you were just taking the hits and not fighting back he got bored and let you be for the rest of the evening - he made up for the lack of abuse the next day though.

You walked down the hallway, a fresh cold beer in hand, and in to the lounge. He was sat, in the scruffiest of clothes and untidied beard, in his usual chair watching Tottenham play Sheffield United. He didn't even support either team so you didn't understand why he had to watch it - especially if it made his anger worse.

"Fucking took your time." Was his response for you giving him his new beer. No thanks given.

You're welcome, honey.

"Sorry, it won't happen again." You apologised, leaving your head to hang low. He hated when you looked at him if he wasn't speaking directly to you - something about you gross eyes staining his image. "Anything else?" You asked, just wanting to leave.

"Yeah, actually. You're staying home next Monday because the lads and I are watching the Seven Nations." He told you without a care in the world for your schedule. Did he realise you were holding down a full-time job as a teacher, which meant you worked on the weekdays?

"But i'm working then?" You questioned, thinking that maybe he'd meant to say Sunday instead - well more like hoping.

"Well you're fucking not." He dumbly said in reply.

"Ro, I have a full-time job. Can't you find someone else?" You offered, slightly annoyed that you were going to have to take time off work just to be humiliated in front of his loser friends. It just wasn't fair. You wanted to be in school, safe, with your wonderful students and your amazing co-staff (but mainly Harry).

"Are you fucking saying no to me?" Rodger asked, pausing the game to look up at you. Oh, this wasn't good. Nice going, Y/N...

"No, well, I mean—" You didn't know what to say to make this situation better, but you only knew of one way this night was ending.

"You said no. Didn't you?," He tauntingly asked, "and don't lie to me, bitch." He gritted through his teeth making your heart beat faster with anxiety. You really didn't have a way out of this tonight. Sometimes, as gross and disgusting as it was and made you feel, you could persuade him over with sex, but it was a last resort in case you felt like you were on the verge of passing out. You knew that using your body like that was wrong, but sometimes it was the only way of making him stop.

"Sorry, Ro." You quietly speak.

"Sorry? You're fucking sorry? No you aren't, but you will be." He stood up from his chair and made his way over to you. You backed up a bit before getting pulled back to Rodger with his strong grip. You let out a gasp as he pulled you, feeling very manhandled - literally.

"I am Ro, I am." You pleaded, knowing that you would be sore tomorrow. Before you could protest anymore a deafening strike sounded and it only took seconds for the stinging in your cheek to strengthen, and become excruciatingly painful. You wanted to cry but you knew this wouldn't be the worst of your evening and thought it would be easier if you cried later, knowing Ro would only go harder if he saw the pain he was causing.

"Shut the hell up and stay fucking quiet." He awarded you with another hit to the same spot he had only done a minute ago - but harder. This bruise would be a hard one to clean and cover up.

You don't remember how much longer he carried on for, but he didn't stop until you'd collapsed to the floor begging him to stop. You were so tired and exhausted that you got the point where you couldn't even physically beg him to stop.

At the end of the night you ended up with a bleeding and bruised cheek, a possible broken rib and no more tears left to cry, with hopes that things may get better soon.

•••••

Two weeks later, and a little more black and blue, it was another Friday.

Fridays were always your favourite, not necessarily because you had the weekend within reach but because your class and Harrys class got to mix - meaning you got to see Harry without excuse.

This Friday you had been learning a bit of music. Harry thought that the creative arts worked hand in hand with music, as it was often the inspiration for a lot of famous pieces, and brought it onto the curriculum. The children got to mess around with triangles, ukuleles, bongos and recorders, however you took the recorders away when you soon realised you would rather be deaf than listen to them play any more.

Bless them for trying, but no.

It was coming towards the end of the session now and the students were starting to become tireder, which is exactly what you'd expect towards the end of the day. They were all sat quietly at the front of the room, on the carpeted floor, waiting for further instructions from their teachers. It was nice to see them sat with people across classes, because it meant that they were sociable and weren't sticking to people who they were comfortable and familiar with.

Hallie was sat with Henry, who was from Harrys class. They kind of reminded you of you and Harry - Hallie being the quiet introvert and Henry being the loving extrovert. They got along well and you wouldn't be surprised if they end up in a 'best-friends-since-childhoood' relationship when they grow up.

As you finished collecting in the last of the sheet music that you'd been practicing off you noticed someones hand go up from the corner of your eye. Harry seemed to have it under control, however.

"Yes, Dora. What can I do for you?" He asked, which enabled to put her hand back down. Dora was from his class.

"Mr Styles? Do you think you could play the guitar for us?" Dora asked politely. Before Harry could answer there was a sweet chorus of gasps and agreements from all of the children - even Hallie.

"Oh I don't know." Harry brushed it off, feeling slightly self conscious to play in front of you. You knew that he could play the guitar, because you saw him often transferring it from his car to his classroom. You would be strongly lying if you said you didn't dream about him playing the guitar for you. You could only imagine the angelic voice he had too.

"Please Mr Styles." Dora encouraged him, using her best puppy-dog eyes to persuade him.

"Yeah, go on Mr Styles." You chimed in, surprising Harry. He smirked and shook his head at you, pretending to give you the evil eyes. You knew that with you joining in he would definitely play for you all.

"Oh alright then." Harry huffed as if it was a chore, but you knew that we was very excited to be playing for you all - especially you. He picked up his guitar and threaded his head through the guitar strap - the same one he'd painted in a Friday afternoon art class once. The back of his guitar was covered in artistic stickers that his class had designed, but if you looked closely you would see your name amongst them - engraved by using a threading needle. He'd told you he wanted your name more permanent than everyone elses'.

He strummed once or twice before turning to Dora.

"What would you like me to play, Dora, since you asked for this?" He asked. You knew Harry was musically gifted and it wouldn't take him long to figure out the chords for any song. He loved playing anything by The Beatles, that much you knew, but you were sure he'd give anything a go if he tried hard enough.

"Um.." Dora looked up to the ceiling as if it would give her inspiration, before answering, "I like that one you performed the other day." She vaguely answered.

"Do you remember what is was called?" Harry asked, tuning his guitar whilst he waited patiently.

"I think it was called 'hello there delly-a'." She answered, which caused Harry to look at her with confusion. He was normally good at interpreting what children meant when they didn't really know how to say things, but this was out of his expertise.

"Erm—" Harry got tongue tied over his words.

"Do you mean 'Hey There Delilah', Dora?" You stepped in for Harry, after silently chuckling at how lost he'd looked.

"Yes, yes, please." Dora excitedly nodded her head at you, before turning back to face Harry expectantly.

"Oh okay." Harrys face was one of sudden realisation, winking at you in thanks for helping, before he started playing the infamous melody. "Hey there Delilah, what's it like in New York City..."

•••••

For the longest time all you could think about was the dreams of becoming a dancer.

You had ballet and tap classes when you were little, probably up until you were twelve years old, and then you decided it was uncool to dance anymore and so quit. You were really good though, so it was stupid of you to have quit. It didn't matter though because Rodger would've just made you quit anyways.

That's why on another particular, late, Friday afternoon you found yourself on the green roof of the school. Up here was your safe space - where you knew you were out of reach from Rodger, but also away from the watching eyes of staff and students.

It was a place to feel free.

You took care of the plants up here for the caretaker, Mike, knowing he had enough on his hands already than to take extra care of these greens. It was a personal garden of eden paradise up here. You were very proud of it. You'd come up here, this afternoon, to water the plants, but the rain showers had decided that they'd do it for you today - not that you were complaining because it saved you a job.

You were under a small sheltered area of the roofed area, attending to your nursery of baby plants, containing sunflowers, roses and tulips to name but a few, on the other side of the roof to the door. You had The 1975s music playing in the background, wanting to fill the void of emptiness with soul-filling music. It had started to rain when you were on the other side of the roof and now you were contemplating waiting the rain out. You did have to be downstairs in time for Rodger to pick you up though, otherwise it wouldn't end well.

"Y/N?" You heard your name called across the roof and you had to squint a bit to see who it was through the pellets of rain.

"Harry?" You asked back, checking it was him and your eyes weren't deceiving him.

"What are you doing out here?" He shouted, from where he was stood protected under the frame of the door. He had his arm over his eyes to stop the rain from blowing in to them.

"Gardening." You replied.

"Of course you are." Harry muttered under his breath, but you swore you heard every syllable as it was carried in the wind.

"Come look." You gestured your arm for him to come and have a look at your babies. You plants were currently fertilising and producing their own children, and you though there was something so organically beautiful about watching it. They were so delicate, yet so clever - which you felt resembled you in way and Harry would strongly agree.

Harry ran over to you, not taking a second to question how drenched he was about to become. If it meant he got to spend some extra time with you, putting an extra smile on your face then he would run in the rain all of the time. He felt blessed to have moments like this with you.

"I can't believe I just ran through the bastard rain just to see your plants." Harry rolled his eyes when he was next to you.

"Well thank you, I guess." You laughed, taking in his drowned rat appearance. He pulled it off nicely actually.

"Yeah, too right." Harry sarcastically added, making you sport a harmless smile.

The music cut to the next song and you instantly gasped. It was your favourite song of all time. It was a very sad song, but one that you related to on a lot of levels. You felt as if the musician was speaking out to you solely, which is why it was crowned your number one.

The Most Beautiful Things - Tenille Townes

You didn't say anything but just grabbed Harry's hand and ran out into the rain with him.

"Y/N? What the fu—"

"Oh shut up and live a little Harry." You told him off, not wanting him to ruin this moment with his wingeing. You kept ahold of his hand and pulled him closer than you both thought professional. His chest was touching yours and you could hear his heart beat through his chest.

"What are you up to?" Harry asked, absolutely soaked through from the rain now. No doubt you looked even worse than him because of your longer hair.

"We're going to dance." You proudly stated, the raindrops coating your eyelids.

"Oh I don't think so." Harry attempted to pull away but not so hard that he'd pull you over with him. Part of him didn't pull too hard, as well, because he wanted to dance and embarrass himself in front of you. He knew of your passion for dance and anything that he did was going to be shameful compared to you.

"Just come here. I'll lead. It'll be fine." You assured him, knowing that everyone had a little rhythm in them somewhere. He was a musician, also, so surely he knew how to feel the beat and go with the flow.

He was a terrible dancer.

You'd seen bad dancers and then there was Harry. He had two left feet, no doubt about it, but he tried bless him. Normally it was custom for the gentleman to lead the woman, but this time it was the other way round. You didn't mind and Harry didn't either. He was enjoying being near you, whilst he watched you enjoy yourself dancing.

The waltz wasn't an easy dance, but you'd never met someone who couldn't get the hang of it as much as Harry didn't. It was endearing, really.

"I haven't danced in so long, this is amazing!" You laughed, swallowing down some raindrops as you spoke.

"I'm glad you're enjoying yourself - even if I have probably broken just about every bone in your foot." Harry was laughing because you were, feeling terribly awful for stepping on your feet so much. A few minor bruises were, wrongly, not that important nowadays.

"No you haven't," you rolled your eyes before smirking, "you've just broken the left ones." You cleverly replied, knowing that he'd been stepping on your left foot more than your right.

"Oh god, don't tell me that." He shook his head, feeling even worse than he had before - although he knew that you were only messing with him he still couldn't help but feel bad. Maybe he should offer you some ice for your feet?

"Just need a bit more practice, that's all." You tell him, after coughing from a mouthful of accidental rainwater.

"Well I already have a good teacher." Harry was quick to respond, and if you knew better you would've caught on that he was flirting with you. You missed his subtle hint at a second, or even a third, dance lesson with you, but he wasn't too disheartened because he knew you were just that blindingly oblivious.

You looked up at him in awe of his words. It meant a lot to you to be told you were a good teacher, because that in turn meant you were a good dancer. You were looking deep in to Harrys eyes, finding them the most beautiful emerald gems that you'd ever had the pleasure of seeing. Rodgers were supposed to be green, but you never saw them for anything other than a terrifying black so it was nice to see the green again - even it was on someone different. Harry's shone brighter than Rodger's ever could. The rain trickling over his eye lids helped reflect that jade green that you were so infatuated with.

His lips were so entrancing.

You took your eyes off his hypnotic eyes for only a second to look at his lips, and now you couldn't look away. They were like a drug. They looked liked the softest, most sweetest tasting, lips you'd ever been lucky enough to see. You leant in slowly, his lips having an invisible magnetic pull on them that you couldn't escape. You were so close that you could taste his minty breath on the tips of your tastebuds. You couldn't care less about Rodger in that moment, knowing he would never know, but you did care about Harry.

You cared for him a lot, which is why after ghosting his lips for a little while you were thankful that your phone vibrated in your pocket. You closed your eyes in regret of not taking it any further with Harry, but knowing it was the right thing to do. Wasn't it?

"Excuse me a moment." You felt guilty for cutting Harry off mid-dance, and near-kiss, even though he said that is was perfectly fine, still standing amidst the torrential rain, but this was probably important. In fact you knew it was important, because the only contact on your phone was Rodger. You took it out and read it carefully.

Rodger: Going to the pub now. Get ready for it bad later.

You cursed yourself for being so stupid. This morning Rodger had threatened you, again, that he wouldn't go easy on you if you were later - and now that's exactly what you were. How had you let yourself so carelessly slip up? Of course you wouldn't have changed a moment of what just happened with Harry, even if it meant your abuse would be less. The time spent with Harry was something you really cherished and you weren't willing to give up your source of happiness just yet.

"What is it? Everything okay?" Harry asked, noticing how your face had paled since reading your phone.

"Just my husband telling me he's coming home soon. I should probably get going." You told Harry, feeling bad that you were just leaving him after such a wonderful afternoon. He made you feel alive through the dark days. He brought light to the endlessly inky tunnel. He added that bit of sparkle in your monotonous life.

"Oh, yeah, no problem." Harry nodded, standing back to create a bit of distance between you. The air felt a bit thicker from the tension that both of you were creating.

"Thanks for dancing with me, Harry." You genuinely smiled at him, because he had managed to make you feel carefree for the first time in a long while. It was rare nowadays for you to have a joyous moment in your life, but instead it was filled with fists to the jaw, scratches to the skin and kicks to the gut.

"Thanks for the dance lesson." He responded, laughing as he remembered how terribly he had just danced. You were surprised he hadn't broken and ankle or a wrist with the way he had been moving his limbs. He was like an elegant spider, is the best way you could describe it.

"Rain-check?" You asked mischievously, looking down at your soaked through sun-dress.

"Think it's a little late for that now, love." Harry let out a bellowing laugh as you had spoken, before answering with his own witty comeback.

"At least you aren't walking home in it." You joked, holding open the door for him to let you both back inside the building. You didn't expect him to be so closely following, but it felt nice. Rodger, although being physically close to you when he was mistreating you, never was actually close to you. He never hugged you. He never held you close at night. He was just there. Having Harry so close to you, in an affectionate way, was a warm feeling that you wished could last forever.

"Hold on. You're walking home in this?" Harry stopped you suddenly by grabbing lightly on your arm. He had placed his hand so tactically though. He had placed it between two, rather large, bruises on your upper arm. You didn't understand how he'd missed both of them, but he had. Even when he held you though, it was very soft that it wouldn't be leaving any marks of his own.

"Don't remind me! But yes." You answered, rolling your eyes to the heavens for letting your days always turning out the worst.

"Absolutely not." Harry scrunched his face up in disgust.

"W-what?" You stuttered, thinking you'd made him angry and your mind automatically working out the worst situation that could happen here. You were pissed at yourself for even thinking that Harry would harm you in such a way, but it was unfortunately just how your mind was wired now.

"I'm going to drive you home. I'm not letting you walk home in these showers - no way." He commented. pointing to the window where you could barely see 10 metres because of how heavy the rain was. You were about to argue with him about how you would be "fine", but he beat you to it. "And i'm not taking no for an answer."

He smugly walked off towards the teachers staff room. You were left stunned for a moment before realising that he'd been so kind to offer you a ride home. You ran down the corridor, trying to catch up with him, before accidentally slipping from your wet heels and going flying down on to the floor. It shocked you at first, rolling on to your side to groan to try and ease the winded parts of your body.

Harry must've heard you thump on the floor because you could hear his shoes running back to you, whilst trying not to slip himself.

"Y/N!" He shouted, not being able to see your face to know if you were even conscious. You immediately felt his knees at your side, probably apprehensive of touching you incase you were severely hurt. "Y/N, shit, can you hear me? Y/N/N, hey?" You could hear the panic in your voice and you started to feel sorry for him.

That's when you rolled back onto your back laughing. You had been silently chuckling to yourself the entire time, finding the humour in such an embarrassing situation. Now you felt bad for Harry who had actually been concerned for you.

You couldn't stop laughing and Harry looked stunned.

"You little—" Harry started but never finished, wiping his top lip in frustration. When you didn't stop laughing though it began to become contagious and Harry was soon laughing too.

"I'm sorry!" You continued to laugh through your words.

"You're such an ass." Harry shook his head, holding out a hand for you to take in order to get you back to your feet.

"Yes, a definite bruised ass." You agreed, adding a compulsory, and very truthful, adjective in there. Harry didn't give you any visible sympathy, though, because he was pretending to be pissed off at you for pranking him. In reality you were too winded and caught up in the giggles to realise how concerned you'd made Harry.

"Well let's get you and your bruised ass home." He held onto your hand as he lead you down the hallway to get changed, before going to his car to head home.

•••••

After much deliberation on the way here, you'd decided that you were going to invite Harry to come inside. Your only problem was if Rodger came home early. You knew he would be at the pub right now, boozing himself up for later on when he comes home and treats you to his fist. If you ever accidentally missed his curfews or deadlines your punishment would ten times worse - and so with that thought in mind you needed someone to be with you right now.

Not just anyone though - just Harry.

"Please come in and try to make yourself as comfortable as possible." You say, knowing full well that it would be impossible for him to do so.

"Oh I don't need to intrude, Y/N. Just needed to make sure you got back okay." Harry spoke from outside your front door. His hands were stuffed in his pockets to keep them toasty warm from the cold - which wasn't helped by the fact you'd just danced in the rain. You could already see his little button nose turning pink from the icy weather.

"You're not intruding, Harry. In fact, I could do with the company right now." You kept latched to the door, not shutting it until he was inside your property. He could tell, from the shakiness of your voice, that you needed him and he was more than willing to be there for you.

It was very dark inside your house, only having one or two lights you could turn on because Rodger was very adamant on keeping the electricity bill low- mainly so he had money left over at the end of the month to pay for drugs or cigarettes. Alcohol he would just ask you for any money you had left in your purse. You wished you could use that money to spend on a dance class down the road, or even treat yourself to that pretty summer dress, but instead it was wasted on Jack Daniels or Disaronno.

"Your house is... sweet?" Harry asked rather than stated, as he made his way inside, making you laugh at him because you knew he was lying.

"It's a pig sty, Harry, is what you meant to say." You spoke for him, which earned a laugh back out of him.

"What?" Harry dragged out the word sarcastically, moving to follow you around the house. You stepped in to the lounge warily, just in case Rodger had decided to make a surprise appearance home. You let out a relieved sigh to not see him in his usual arm chair.

"Please." You pointed to one of the more comfortable sofas, not wanting him the displeasure of having him sit down where the springs would bounce beneath your bottom. They were so uncomfortable, but that's all you can afford when your monthly income is spent on illegal substances.

"Thanks." He smiled the best he could, given he was quite literally in the shittiest shithole to ever exist. From the outside he was prepared to be impressed, if not even a little jealous, but those were far from the feelings he was surrounded by right now. His main feelings were weighted towards his sorriness for you. You deserved so much more than this.

"Apologies for the exercise books everywhere." You were behind on marking the kids books, but you were planning on doing it later on tonight - after Rodger was done with you.

"I'm exactly the same, don't worry about it." He chuckled back.

After sitting in silence for a moment or two you noticed a small book in his pocket, only big enough to fit in there. It was tattered and had various drawings on the skin of it. He'd definitely had it a while and then some years. You wished that you'd kept a diary throughout your years, you'd be able to look back in the future and see whether life had changed. You hoped it would change, because you didn't think you had it in you to live many more years in this life.

"What's the notebook for?" You asked, trying to start up the conversation again.

"Oh... it's nothing." Harry fumbled to choose his words, which made you believe he was hiding something - a technique you were well aware of because you used it all the time. You'd hidden many things from Rodger using that technique.

"Harry," you gave him a sarcastic look, "come on." You laughed, not understanding what was so secretive about it. Maybe it was a book of his daily calorie intake? Maybe it was just a general diary? Maybe, but hopefully unlikely, it was a list of people he'd murdered? For someone who didn't watch the TV, you sure were paranoid of the fantasy malarky.

"Y/N honestly, it's nothing." Harry sighed, trying his hardest to shove it away so you'd have one less reason to think about.

"Harry. It seriously can't be that bad." You rolled your eyes at him to catch him gulp nervously. He looked like he'd seen a ghost, making you feel a lot more paranoid than you had been two seconds ago.

"You don't need to know what's in it." Harry explained cautiously, choosing his words carefully. His secrecy and closed off behaviour reminded you a lot of Rodger. Rodger would never give you a straight answer, and you were never allowed to know anything more than he let you. You didn't know anything more about his side of the family since you last saw them at your wedding. You knew nothing about the bills that were being paid for the house and taxes. Rodger was completely restrictive of the knowledge he gave you and you only prayed that Harry wouldn't be the same.

Harry was nothing like Rodger, though.

"No Harry. I-I want to know what's in it." You shakily pointed towards the little notebook, starting to tear up now, that he'd tried to stuff back in his pocket away from your view. "Please."

"Y/N I don't think that—" Harry tried to reason with you, but he knew better than for you to give up that easily. You were a fighter and that was something he greatly admired about you.

"Just l-let me see." You lurched across the sofa towards him and grabbed the little leather bound book from his pockets. He hadn't managed to push it all the way back in, so it made it easier for you to take. Technically this was stealing and invading someones privacy, but you had a gut feeling that the contents of the book had something to do with you. You didn't know whether that settled you or made you feel uneasy, but you were going to find out.

"Y/N—" Harry sighed, giving up on trying to fight against you.

It was time for you to know that he knew. It was time for this to end. It was time.

You sat in silence as you cautiously opened the book, undoing the small straw tie there was to open it. Your shaky hands stumbled upon opening it, making you drop it on to the floor and ended up with you mumbling an apology to Harry - something you knew was unnecessary but had gotten in to the habit of because of Rodger.

You turned to the first page and were met with something you were slightly taken aback by, not because it outrageous but because it was unexpected. Harry had kept the little medal that you, and Hallie, had drawn and coloured for him. The little badge that told him that he was both your heroes - well, he was definitely yours.

"You kept it?" You asked quietly, your tears falling more silently now, dumbfounded that he'd kept it.

"Of course I did. You told me I was your hero so obviously I had to keep the badge as proof." He smiled and spoke as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Then why is it in your notebook?" You asked, still in love with the fact he'd kept such, what you believed to be, and insignificant piece of coloured-in paper. You looked from the piece of paper to Harry, frowning when you noticed the sadness within his eyes.

"I use it as a bookmark." He gulped, making you feel heavy amount of nerves weigh on your shoulders.

"F-for what?" You hiccuped over your words. He didn't respond, letting you find out for yourself.

He looked down at the book and you could see tears start to form in his eyes. He looked scared, even more than you probably did, which worried you. You turned your watery eyes towards the notebook, preparing to turn the page. You let out a shaky breath and felt Harry move closer to you - your kneecap now touching his. The paper felt delicate between your fingers - kind of how you were feeling, as if you touched it too hard it would fall apart. Then you finally turned the page, letting a frown settle on your face as you read it to tried and understand.

Monday 9th January

You first read; the day in which you went back to school after the Christmas holidays.

•Limping - could be pulled muscle or maybe twisted ankle? •Slight bruising on lower forearm •Scratch on side of neck

It was beginning to make sense what Harry was keeping a note of.

•Sore throat - potentially from shouting?? •Total smiles = IIII.

You couldn't read anymore because you had started sobbing without realising. Harry was keeping a check on how you were every day and every single thing he could pin down that was not okay with you. He wasn't picking out your physical flaws, but instead your physical mistreatment. He knew and you hadn't said anything to him. You'd only read one entry, but you were sure there was one for every day - including today. You needed to truly know.

"H-how many?" You choked out, your sobs coming out heavy and loud. You noticed how Harry was now cradling you, rocking you back and forth. Your mind was in so many places that you were having a hard time focusing in on what was presently happening around you.

You felt safe though. His arms made you feel protected, like if Rodger now walked through the door, which was still a possibility, you would be perfectly fine. For once, you felt safe in your own home and that feeling alone made you emotional. Not in years had you felt this way and you didn't want the feeling to ever go away.

"Y/N I—"

"Harry, p-please." You cut him off, not wanting him to tiptoe around the subject. You'd let your guard down and you right now you were completely defenceless.

"There's two years worth of entires." Harry boldly stated, making you cry even more. You weren't crying because you were offended or angry at Harry. You weren't even crying because he'd known and hadn't reached out to you, because you knew that you would've never told him the truth. You were crying, however, because he was making you realise how much you'd been through and how long you'd suffered for. You were tired - so tired - and it took you seeing what was happening, written down on paper, for you to come to terms with that.

You couldn't do anything but cry. You finally had someone who knew and it felt amazing. All those sleepless nights wondering whether you'd even be alive in the morning. All those days when you'd thought about ending it yourself. All those days when you cried until you felt numb, just to soften the pain. All those days, were over. You knew Harry wouldn't let this carry on now - not over his dead body.

"You're okay." "You're safe." "I've got you." Were some of the phrases that Harry kept on repeating to you. He was adamant on helping you understand that nothing bad was going to come of you now that you had him by your side.

"I-i'm so-rry Ha—"

"Hey, no, no. I don't need an apology Y/N/N. I need you to be okay, okay? I need you understand that none of this is your fault. None of it. You are so special Y/N/N and you don't deserve any of this, okay? I need you to understand that I can no longer sit back and do nothing, but write in my notebook anymore, though, okay?" He spoke a lot of words and you found it within you to listen to every one of them. Some of them made your cry harder than others and some of them made you love him more than you already did.

"What d-do I do?" You asked, still buried against Harrys chest. He was still rocking you gently and kissing the top of your hair occasionally, reminding you that he was permanently here.

"You don't have to do anything, love, but just walk a little for me, okay?" He asked to which you nodded, letting a bunch of hiccups overtake your system momentarily.

"W-what if Ro-dger i-is—"

"Then i'm here. He won't come within a metre of you if I have anything to do with it. I promise." He pulled your head out of his chest and made you look at him, so you'd know that he was honest about protecting you with everything he had.

"O-okay." You nodded, weakly smiling in thanks of everything he was doing.

"Okay." Harry agreed. You shakily stood up, holding on to Harrys arm for support. Your body was so tired and you could feel your brain wanting to shut everything down so you could rest. You just had to keep everything going for a few more minutes and then you could finally let up. The idea of a warm, plush, bed with blankets to spare, right now, was all your heart was set on.

Harry took his arm around your waist to carefully walk you out of the house. You no longer wanted to label it as 'your house', because in reality it never had been and it never felt like it. You were ready to move from this shithole and on to something better.

After making it to Harrys car he strapped your seat belt in and made sure you were comfortable. He asked whether you needed or wanted anything from the house, but you explained that never had been anything there of yours. It was all crap furniture that you'd never want to see again and it wasn't like you'd been anywhere to keep ahold of souvenirs. You just needed your handbag and yourself. Harry made quick work of locking the house door and then running back to the car to get going.

"Can I-I sleep now?" You asked, pulling your jacket tighter around you, as Harry put his car in to reverse.

"Yes, love, you can sleep now."

The last memory you had was Harry pushing your hair out of your face before blacking out, feeling nothing but out of harm's way.

•••••

Harrys house was beautiful and you were glad you'd woken up in time to see it.

It was a little terraced house on a quaint road. The beautiful thing about the houses were they were painted in all different colours of the pastel rainbow. It started off as a soft-cherry red that lead into an apricot orange, that lead into a sherbet yellow, that continued all the way to a lavender. They definitely lived up to the name of the street they lived on "Rainbow Road". You thought it was genius.

Just before you were going to ask which one belonged to Harry he pulled up outside the sherbet yellow one. You would've guessed him to live in the apricot orange, but you were happily surprised. The yellow was a nice pick-me-up, filling you with so much joy you could burst.

"Wow." You gawked at the house from the insides of the car. You were expecting a four bedroom house with white picket fencing, maybe even a secret wife that he kept very, very, secret, but no. Harry lived in a smaller house than you, walls coated in a gentle lemon and in a neighbourhood that seemed as soft, and calm, as Harry was.

It was simply put; quite serene.

"You like it?" Harry asked, nervous tones in his voice. He hoped it was something a little brighter than you were used to.

"Harry, it's so charming," you turned your head from the house towards him, making him look right back at you, "a lot like its owner really." You blushed when you spoke, not having a clue where your confidence had come from.

"Oh really? Want to butter me up any more, love?" He teased you, taking your compliment and planting it permanently inside his mind. You'd called him charming and he would never shut up about it until the ends of time.

"N-no." You let out between giggles. You were at peace with yourself in this moment.

"You sure? I mean, i'll take all the compliments I can get to be honest." He put his hands up in defence, and you sat back to watch him own the moment. You rolled your eyes at his narcissism, before moving to let yourself out of the car. Harry followed swiftly, locking up his car before unlocking his front door.

After he'd turned the alarm off, he waited for you to enter before locking back up and ridding himself of his shoes. His house was quite chilly, which he apologised for as a result of leaving the heating off during the day when he's at work. You had no quarrel with that, finding his passion for the global green very considerate.

"Come through, please. I can put the kettle on if you want and maybe a biscuit of some kind. I have ginger nuts or custard creams if they appeal to you," whilst Harry took himself through to the kitchen you couldn't help but freeze up in the hallway, getting all teary eyed, "I have to say though my favourite biscuit would probably be—" Harry stopped when he walked back to see you crying. His heart dropped at the sight. Of course seeing anybody cry is a horrible sight to witness, but seeing you crew was almighty worse.

"Sorry, Harry," you shook your head in embarrassment, "it's just i'm quite overwhelmed at how lovely you are and the support you're willing to give me and it's all just quite a lot, sorry." You rambled, letting a few stray tears fall. If there were a competition for who could cry the most in 24 hours, you would win first place and then some more.

"Hey, no, it's completely fine. I should have been more sensitive, I apologise. We can just go and sit on the couch for a bit if you want?" He offered, not wanting you to feel pressured at all.

"Yeah, that sounds nice." You nodded, mentally reminding yourself to stop giving reasons for Harry keeping on apologising to you - even if it was nice to hear someone else for someone else doing it, other than you, for once.

He lead you in to his living room, hand in hand, and you were taken aback by how wonderful it was in there. The room was rectangular, with the TV placed in the corner of the room next to the bay window. The bay window was covered in blankets and cushions, with adjacent floating shelves that contained tens of classic reads. The sofas were a luxurious velvet blue and it made the room feel expensive. The sapphire of the couches brought out the colour in the grey floor you didn't even know existed. The fireplace was classically built, wood burner and all. The room was on the small side, but it made it all the more homely. It was a delicious delight.

"It's not much, but it's home you know?" Harry felt like he had to apologise for it being lesser than your previous house. In reality, you adored his much more.

"Harry it's stunning. I'm jealous that it's yours and not mine." You couldn't keep your eyes away from the room, finding new things to be mesmerised by.

"It's yours too now." Harry proudly stated, making you shoot your head to him in shock. Of course you thought that you'd be living with Harry for a little while before you could get yourself back on your own feet, but you didn't expect him to share it with you like how he was suggesting. He noticed your expression and thought he'd overstepped a line, "I-if you want?"

You couldn't help but let out a little flurry of sobs, stopping yourself before it turned in to a bigger breakdown.

"Sorry! I'm being silly. It's just been a long time since i've been this happy in a house." You shook your head at your own silliness.

"No, no. It's not silly at all. I don't understand, but you could help me to if you want to?" Harry wanted to give you a way to tell someone your story. He wanted you to feel safe in opening up to someone, anyone.

"Yeah. I'd really like that, please." You quietly agreed.

"Okay. Let me just turn the heating on and then i'll be right back. Please just make yourself comfortable." He didn't want to tell you to make yourself at home because he knew you already felt it. He was honoured to be the someone you wanted to open up to, but even more proud of you for being strong enough to want to talk.

"Perfect."

•••••

After a couple of hours just crying to Harry, letting him learn of everything that had happened the past couple of years, you finally got the strength to get up off the couch and make a cuppa.

You'd told Harry everything - not a detail left out. He deserved to understand what your life had been like, considering he was doing so much to help you out. Harry really had been your knight in shining armour. Harry had to stop you sometimes to rant about how much he despised Rodger, which you found quite hilarious. You were pretty sure that he popped a blood vessel on his neck because of how passionately angry he got. You had to calm him down sometimes by holding his hand, squeezing it to reassure him that you were safe now.

Now you were messing around having a tea competition.

Harry claimed his cups of tea were the best in the Northern Hemisphere and he was very willing for you to challenge him on that. You made your cup of tea, for him, and he made his, for you. You hated to admit it but his cuppa was extraordinary - but you were a very sore loser so you couldn't tell him that. He knew though by the way you downed the whole mug in less than five minutes. He was worried that you'd burn your throat but you were very adamant on downing the whole drink.

The warmth and comfort of the hot drink reminded you a lot of Harry.

"Harry?" You asked, putting your empty mug in the sink to wash later.

"Yes, Y/N?" Harry responded, mouth full of ginger-nut biscuit. A little cloud of biscuit poofed from his mouth as he spoke, which he blushed in embarrassment over.

"Can I have a look through your notebook please?" You held your hand out to wait for him to deliver you the notebook. You knew he would eventually give it you, but you weren't sure whether he would give it to you so soon - not wanting you to step on a wound that was still very open.

"You sure you want to? I can keep it until you're ready?" He checked to make sure. If you believed you were ready then he wasn't going to stop you, but only be there for you if you get upset.

"I'm sure. I promise I wouldn't ask if I didn't think it was right to." You nodded in assurance, wiggling your fingers in gesture for him to hand it over to you. He nodded and smiled in response, before pulling out the book from his coat that was hanging over the back of a chair. He did it all one handed, still holding his cup of tea in the other - the cup of tea which you were upset that he'd given 2 Michelin stars to.

"Okay." He warmly smiled at you before standing back to let you go through the book in your own time.

You worked your way through every page, wincing when you saw some pages filled entirely with tally marks. There was never a day where there was no tally marks and that made you deep how insane it had actually been. Looking at this from the outside, now, was a challenging perspective to wrap your head around. You never understood the gravity of the situation until you stood back and peered in from the outside. Harry's book, however unsettling it was, comforted you in knowing that there had been someone there for you when you believed otherwise. He was your silent guardian angel.

Flicking through the book you finally reached todays page. You read down it and were impressed by how right Harrys tallies had been. He'd correctly scored the right amount of bruises and even annotated where he thought they were. It was a weird talent, but he sure had it.

Deciding that the page was incomplete you grabbed a nearby pen from the side, unfortunately it was a different colour to the one already on the page, and made a simple adjustment to the writing. You even underlined it. Once finished, you held the page away from you and smiled at how content you were now.

You handed it back to Harry with the biggest smile you, and him, had ever seen on your face. You almost looked mischievous.

"What did you do?" He asked accusingly, setting his tea on the table to see what damage had been done.

"Needed to update it." You simply put it, expressing a softer smile now.

You watched as Harry read over the pages, trying to figure out what you'd done. He flipped right to the end, thinking you'd most likely have written something on the most recent pages. He turned all the way to the back, where fifty blank pages remained, but there was nothing. He turned to the front, and nothing. The next guess he turned to todays date.

Tuesday 10th November

He skimmed the page looking for what was different - if anything. He quickly glanced over to you and he saw you smirking, which was a sign that he was getting close to figuring it out. He couldn't look at you and not internally comment about how beautiful you looked. You were a sight for sore eyes and nothing less.

Then he looked at the end of the page and it made sense.

•Total smiles = III

You'd tallied your own smile.

Harrys eyes started to water. He was so unbelievably proud of you. He could already see that you'd come so far and it had been a matter of hours since you left that god forbidden house. It was going to a very gradual process but he couldn't be more proud of you if he tried. You shot up out of your chair when he started to cry, though, thinking that you'd done something wrong.

"Harry i'm sorry. I can buy you a new book if I ruined it. I can—"

"You didn't ruin anything, love. I'm just... I'm just happy that you're happy. I've waited a long time to see you like this." He came to hold you close, noticing how you didn't even flinch when he came near you. You were improving by the second and it was a wonder to watch.

"I've waited a long time to feel like this." You admitted, looking past his teary eyes to see hope hidden behind the water. To hear Harrys compliments was something quite touching. Not having heard any compliments from your, said, husband for years had been a challenging setback, but one that you'd go through all again if it meant you got to hear Harry say all these wonderful things. "It's like, sometimes the pain gets hard, but now you're here and I don't feel a thing."

He took an extra step towards you, cautiously bringing his hand up to place upon your cheek and lower jaw. As soon as he felt you melt in to his hand, humming at the blissful warm feeling against your skin, he traced his thumb back and forth against the softness of your cheek. He brought a calmness to your life that you never realised was missing and it made you grateful to finally have it.

He made you feel home again.

You were so thankful for everything Harry had done for you. He'd silently opened you up into sharing your story. He'd always have been the one to make you smile, even on your worst days. He'd never given up on you. He'd offered up his house to you until you figured out what you wanted to do next. He'd cared for you on all the days you never thought anyone did, with his little secret notebook. He'd loved you for being you. He'd made you feel special on those days where Rodger would make you feel impossibly small. He'd done it all for you.

There wasn't enough ways for you to display your gratitude towards him. You could take him out to as many meals, buy him as many X-Box games, treat him to as many football games that your money could stretch to buy, but it would never be enough compared to what he'd done for you.

"Hey, you okay? You look lost in daydream land?" Harrys voice brought you back from your intense thoughts and back to him.

"Just thinking that i'm never going to be able to thank you enough for all this." You told him exactly what was on your mind, because he was actually someone who would listen to you. As you spoke you carefully brushed a fallen curl back behind his ear, and kept your fingers dancing around there in order to keep you focused.

"You don't need to Y/N/N. You've given me everything already." His words caught your attention, because they weren't true. You hadn't given him everything.

You hadn't given him you.

"Well what about me?" You asked, curious to know if he would take you if you were offering.

"And what about you, love?" He asked, smiling at you for an answer. He wanted you to explain what you meant before he answered under the wrong impression. You two knew there was an undying romantic tension between you both, but neither of you had ever brought it up because you were married and he was too out of your league - or so you thought.

"What if I gave you me? What if you were mine and I were yours?" You shyly asked, bracing for the rejection he was bound to give you - until he didn't.

"Then I would be the luckiest man alive." He answered so simply, yet so effectively. "In fact, I really hope that you don't run from me."

"Really?" You asked, shocked that he felt the same way. He had been shocked too to hear you offer yourself in to a relationship, and so soon after just slipping out of an abusive one. You were positive that you were going to need counselling, of some kind, in order to build back up the walls Rodger had so disgracefully bulldozed down. You needed to become more emotionally stable before venturing too far in to any new relationships, you accepted that, but you were willing to seriously consider being with Harry - if he'd have you.

"Really, really." He nodded enthusiastically.

"I don't want to rush in to it, though, because I don't think that would be fair on you. I'm still a long way from emotionally recovering, but if you're willing to wait then I promise to be there waiting too." You explained the best way you could, hoping that he would understand the concept of what you're trying to convey. He knew you weren't ready and he was okay with that.

"I've always been waiting, love." He replied and that was enough for you both to know that things would be alright from now on.

••••••

It took you a while, but you were finally at your happiest.

You were taught believe that home was the house you grew up in. It was the neighbourhood and the architecture that stood within it. What you weren't taught is that home can also be a person, and your person was Harry.

Three months after spending every day with that ray of sunshine, he asked you to be his girlfriend. It had taken a lot for you to get to that point but you were so ready for the next chapter. He'd asked you so casually that some may not even have thought he was being serious, but to you it was exactly the way you envisioned it to be - watching "Educating Manchester" with a bowl of ramen noodles to share between the two of you. It was so minimalistic and you loved him for it.

Neither of you had specifically said that you loved each other yet, but it was blaringly obvious that you did.

Over time Harry helped you find family members and old friends, helping you stitch back together the individual patches of your life back together and create the beautiful blanket it once was. None of it would be possible without Harry and you were so blessed to be able to call him yours.

Rodger had tried to come get you multiple times. He'd hung around outside the school a few times and had even turned up to Harrys house once. It was scary and you wanted it to stop. Harry has gone livid when he found him on his doorstep, having to really hold himself back from tearing him limb from limb for the sake of you and your mental recovery.

"If you ever fucking come near my house or my girl ever again, I swear it won't be pretty, man." Harry was grinding his teeth together, doing everything in his power from keeping this anything more than a verbal fight.

"You fucking threatening me, pal?" Rodger spat, quite literally, in Harrys face - something you were quite accustomed to.

"Listen to what I said and then I won't be." Harry bargained, which you were so proud of him for keeping as calm as he was. You could tell he was raging though, ready to pounce on something.

"I ain't taking no orders from you." Rodger piped back, pushing Harrys shoulder back slightly. That infuriated you. You knew first hand of what this man could do with his fists and you would do anything to stop Harry from experiencing the same things you did. You loved him with every bone in your body and you'd rather wish yourself ill than watch him get hurt. So you stepped in, from where Harry'd had you stood behind him to protect you.

"Y/N—" Harry started, but stopped when he knew you were fully capable of fighting your own battles. Plus he was right next to you if you needed him, unlike all the times he hadn't been.

"Ah there she is, my little bitch." Rodger laughed, displaying his ugly smile he had the misfortune of owning.

You felt Harrys fists curl and you slid your hand in between his fingers to calm him. Your touch made him feel relaxed, you knew this, so you used it to your advantage. Harry let out a slight animalistic growl when Rodger spoke to you, but nothing more. He knew you could handle this.

"Rodger you are not invited here. This isn't your property and you've been asked to leave multiple times. If you don't leave within the next minute i'm calling the police. That's not a threat, that's a promise." Harry doubt o squeezed your hand to let you know you were handling this amazing well, especially mentally. He only wished he was half as strong as you.

"Ooh she's finally got the balls to stand up for herself. Is that because Mr Harry—"

He quickly shut up when he saw you'd just dialled 999. You weren't afraid of him like it used to be. There would always be that trauma any time you see him, but you were getting stronger against him which only made him weaker.

"This isn't over." Rodger angrily stomped his foot like a child, only making you internally snicker.

"It is and you'll soon come to realise that." You smiled and nodded your head towards the main road. He snarled at you before walking away, knowing he couldn't put up a fight against either of you anymore.

When the door closed you let out such a sigh of relief. You rested your forehead against the front door, in peace knowing Rodger was nowhere around to hurt you and you'd successfully stood up to him. If there was any a time for champagne and party poppers it was now, but you guy something ever better.

Warm lips pressed against the cold of your neck.

"Hmm." You sighed in content and pleasure.

"You were so hot just then." Harry stated, which is not where you thought this conversation would turn to. You expected him to start talking about how proud he was of you and then start talking about how you were long-term going to deal with that asshole. Instead, he seemed very affectionate.

"You think?" You teased him, leaning your head to the side to allow him more access to your neck.

"So hot." And it didn't take a rocket scientist you decipher what you two did for the rest of the day.

Rodger hadn't been in contact since and it was now 5 months without him. 5 months clean, as you liked to label it.

You and Harry continued to live under his sherbet lemon home and work in the beloved school. The children knew that you were a couple and were always grossed out when they'd catch you holding hands or kissing , when you two thought no one was around. Hallie had even made another badge for Harry to have and it was a small heart with your name written inside, although it was not coloured in very well and your name had been spelt wrong it still managed to make Harry cry.

Life had an unfortunate way of turning out for many. For you, your unfortunate story had occurred at the beginning of your life. Now, you couldn't be happier. Life was a blessing and the people in it were even more so.

It had been a long journey to get to today, but now you could finally rest.

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