#‘everybody now realizes she was super young’ are you fucking joking

[mischas]

Ben said she felt older than him?

Girl the book

[momowho34]

Time for another naruto au post that so long and complicated it might aswell be a fic in and of itself. Why am I like this :,) Naruto au where Itachi runs away from the village with Sasuke in tow and doesn’t leave him behind. Also Itachi is a little older then a teenager because it makes more sense. Buckle up this is a long one.

Itachi refuses to kill his family and runs to warn them but when he gets there everybody’s dead except for Sasuke, (who witnessed the whole thiNG OOPSY-) so he takes him and runs for their lives.

Itachi joins the akatsuki but uhhhhh now there’s a four year old tagging along and Itachi’s too scary for anybody to mention it.

Imagine the fluff and angst potential with the akatsuki oooooof there’s so much omg

At first they all think it’s super annoying but within like two days they would all gladly die for this kid. Seriously they were pretty sure their hearts were made of stone at this point but apparently not.

Kisame is surprisingly really good with kids, partly because he appears fairly calm on the outside without being too standoffish so Sasuke likes him best. Also Kisame could happily play peek-a-boo for the rest of his life he likes the small things

Kakazu is awful with kids but sasuke likes him anyway and he hates it (not really) Hidan.... really doesn’t know what to do. He’s never cared about another person in his life, okay? He kind of wants to kill the small child but he knows Itachi would steal his fucking knee caps and bury him at the bottom of the ocean so he doesn’t even mention it ever

Sasori is the mom when Itachi isn’t around. They would all feed him candy until he fucking died if Sasori didn’t stop that. Sasori is also the one to go “oh my GOD Deidara you can’t dare him to climb that mountain he could fall and hit his head no I don’t care about that deidaRA HE IS SEVEN YEARS OLD ITACHI IS GOING TO KILL YOU WHEN HE GETS HOME MARK MY WORDS—“

Tobi likes to blame all of his mistakes on Sasuke as a joke. Also they all teach Sasuke bits of their fighting styles so he becomes even more formidable and all of them are kind of freaked out by how quickly he masters their techniques

When he’s too young to tag along on missions he has to stay with Konan and Pain. He really values Konan because she’s really the only one of them who treats him like a person instead of a stupid child that needs protection.

“He costs too much,” Kakazu says. “He shouldn’t be here, what about how much it costs for him to stay with us” all while consistently finding room in the budget to get the kid anything and everything even though he’s fairly low maintenance to take care of

When Itachi arrives, everybody tries to disregard the rumors paired with Sasuke being there. Because of Itachi’s overall demeanor and Sasuke’s refusal to talk about it, they assume that he killed his family but didn’t kill his little brother for some reason

...And then Sasuke starts having nightmares. Like loud, screaming and crying in the middle of the night nightmares. Every time it happens, Itachi wakes up, calm and collected, and holds him until he falls asleep again. They all start having doubts about Itachi really killing his family.

Itachi doesn’t really hold a grudge against Konoha, but he didn’t see the whole family die like Sasuke did. Sasuke wants revenge, and he’s dead set on it.

Okay yeah but what abt the actual plot and stuff??? Don’t worry I’m there.

So a while later after that during Naruto’s three year journey (which he still takes with Jiraiya because he needs training to fight Orochimaru who is still a big threat btw) he meets this weird black haired kid staying at the same hotel he is.

Turns out they’ve both got caretakers who are absent (Jiraiya’s at a brothel somewhere and Kisame and Itachi are off killing some guy) which sucks so they bond over that and compare abilities and beat the shit out of eachother a little and develop a mini rival complex all of that but then

“Wow you’re so cool! You fight just like a ninja! You should come back with me!” Naruto laughs one day. Sasuke asks “Back to where?” And Naruto’s like “back to the leaf village of course! I’m a leaf village ninja, I’m out here training with my sensei! I forgot that I left my headband in the room, I can show it to you.” But Sasuke just gets really pale and runs off and Naruto doesn’t see him for the rest of the trip.

He thought he’d never see him again but then Sasuke gets separated from the Akatsuki members reeeaaaallly far away from their base and Konoha. As he’s trying to figure out what to do, a certain ninja crew happens to be in town. Naruto is like “omfg I know this kid!!!!!!!! Hey Sasuke!!!!! Hey Sasukeeeee!!!!!”

Sasuke is like o-o but then he starts to consider his options. If anybody figures out about his sharingan, he’s straight up fucked. His eyes are gone, he probably gets murdered. Naruto is like “what r u doing here????” And sasuke spins a fairly convincing story

He’s like “oh yeah and I know my way around this place so I can help you out could I maybe seek asylum in your village maybe??? I could be helpful” just so he can head in the general direction of Konoha and hopefully get closer to his base along the way.

So Kakashi begrudgingly agrees and Sasuke tries not to burn alive because he’s in the general proximity of leaf soldiers that he fucking hates and he will not grow attached to any of them at all no siree, not at all, no way!

Sasuke begins to grow close to them, of course. Sai and Sasuke do goth shenanigans and he fights with Naruto and tries to get Sakura to leave him alone (what is up with her why is she being so weird?)

Oh bonus angst: Tobi used to talk in his sleep sometimes, and at some point Sasuke drops “those who break the rules are scum, but those who leave their friends behind are worse then scum” casually and Kakashi almost has a full blown panic attack.

This is when he first realizes something is seriously up with this kid; and his first name sounds... familiar. His suspicions are just suspicions until they run into Orochimaru. Now Orochimaru could just out Sasuke as akatsuki, instead he plays with his feelings a little bit. He keeps saying things like “how does it feel to fight on the same side as your enemies for once?” And “have you forgotten already?” They defeat him without Sasuke revealing his sharingan but the jig is up in Kakashi’s mind.

Kakashi doesn’t quite connect the dots; but he’s almost there. Whoever this kid is, they’re coming back to the village for sure. It’s the safest thing to do. Meanwhile the Akatsuki are freaking out. Itachi is unhinged and almost grieving, they have no idea where Sasuke could be. The team is out in full force; including Tobi

And you know, Obito doesn’t care. He shouldn’t care, nothing matters in this false reality. It just doesn’t. Tobi might have given a shit about Sasuke, but Tobi isn’t real. He’s just a front, Tobi doesn’t exist. So why is he looking so hard for this stupid kid that he shouldn’t give a shit about? Obito convinces himself it’s just a front, it’s just part of Tobi’s act, but it’s not. What’s happening to him? Why is starting to feel things now, so deep into the plan?

Annnnnndddd that’s as far as I got with it lmao. That’s still pretty fucking far tho

[puppypeter]

These are all dark fics, READ THE TAGS before reading the fics. It is your responsibility to check whether what you are about to read is something that you can stomach. While most of these fics are based around trauma, recovery etc many feature triggering scenes or flashbacks as well as darker themes. Please be safe and don’t read them if they can be triggering for you! Proceed with caution! Most of them are Hydra Trash, but still not just the ugly bits as I like there to be a plot. Hiding them below the cut:

between scylla and charybdis | 21590 words

Sam Wilson has been witness to a lot of things he wishes he could unsee. Civilian families shot dead in their cars because of miscommunications at checkpoints. Riley’s body spiralling to the ground in a smoke-plumed plummet. His own face in his bathroom mirror after waking up hung-over as hell at two in the afternoon, the day after the anniversary of Riley’s death, year after year after year.

And now, in an abandoned bunker on the outskirts of Boston, a seemingly unremarkable manila folder at the bottom of a filing cabinet.

Berceuse | 10730 words

There are strange, new things Bucky needs from Steve.

Dreamers Often Lie | 11040 words

As far as Bucky remembers, sex is something that is painful and terrifying if you wake up while it's happening. As the Asset, sleeping through sex was a rare treat. When Steve lets Bucky know he's interested in a sexual relationship, what Steve doesn't know is that they have fundamentally different ideas of what that entails.

despite the threatening sky and the shuddering earth (they remained) | 71532 words

“They really didn’t want the mask to come off.” Hill thumbed through the scans, and pulled out a film that she then handed over to Sam, face mostly expressionless but for the flat line of her pursed lips.

Sam accepted the film and held it up to the light, angling so both he and Steve could see it, squinting at the outline of the Winter Soldier’s skull, and the blips of unnatural white that showed up, God, in his brain, not to mention about half his teeth, plus the mask, with its thin protrusions—

“Those are pins,” Steve realized. He looked over at Hill. “The mask—it’s nailed to his face.”

Hill’s face was as unmoved as ever. “Like I said. They really didn’t want it coming off.”

Fire And Water For Your Love | 77084 words

When the Avengers investigate an abandoned HYDRA base on behalf of S.H.I.E.L.D., they unexpectedly encounter a dark-haired man with a torn metal arm, who leads them to an even more shocking discovery deeper inside the base. The Avengers must reconcile what they have found with the lies S.H.I.E.L.D. has been telling for decades.

Give An Inch | 5070 words

The Captain has a warm smile and clear, open eyes. The Soldier knows these are tricks. He's fallen for them before and he won't do it again.

Humans As Gods | 4818 words

"HYDRA's scientists had been delighted to find their serum-reversal procedure had worked. Their jubilation was dampened by the discovery that Steve's smaller self might no longer be Captain America-sized but was still 100% Steve Rogers, and Steve Rogers was now mad enough to spit nails. A minor oversight in the design of the containment area meant that smaller-Steve had simply wriggled out of the now ridiculously-oversized restraints like an angry ferret escaping a paper bag, and punched the nearest technician in the nuts.

Chaos ensued."

HYDRA scientists successfully de-serum Captain America, only to discover that they are utterly unprepared for Steve Rogers. Meanwhile, the Winter Soldier follows his instructions to the letter. This works out just great.

The Only One That Needs To Know | 6571 words

Bucky can't control his body. He can only control what secrets he keeps.

I Was Wearing My Blue Coat | 11503 words

Following exposure of his past as the Winter Soldier, anonymous postings of explicit video footage, 63 charges of murder and the wrath of the Internet, James Buchanan "Bucky" Barnes finally steps into the limelight and tells his story to Zenat Patel of the New York Times.

Compliance Will Be Rewarded | 4767 words

Someone told him once: "Compliance will be rewarded," and he remembers pressing his head against a man’s leg in open supplication. He remembers hands in his hair, and a gentle grip on the back of his neck. He remembers a man telling him "so good, so good for me aren't you?" And he remembers nodding his head in a desperate attempt to be exactly as good as he was supposed to be.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Bucky Barnes is physically free from Hydra, but the hold on his mind lingers still. All he wants is to go home, and he'll do anything he can to get there.

To Burn Your Kingdom Down | 12370 words

The Avengers go after a Hydra splinter cell with a nasty habit of brutalizing their prisoners. Steve has some ugly history with them, and when a rescue mission gone wrong leaves him and Sam in enemy hands, the situation gets uglier still.

Worth The Wound | 7709 words

The asset knows that maintenance is better than punishment. But with Steve, maintenance becomes more pleasant, soft and gentle and everything he could dream of. It was only natural that he decided to prolong that maintenance a little longer.

The Spaces In-Between | 6971 words | Part 1 of What We Tried So Hard To Hide Away

"Memories are like buckets of water: they weigh on the heart and the brain until the body fails. You're blessed to stay forgetful and young, Soldier."

Sometimes blessings feel like curses.

Illuminate The Scene | 7086 words | Part 2 of What We Tried So Hard To Hide Away

The doctors had wanted to keep the Soldier. Shock him and freeze him until he was fixed, or tear him to scrap if he couldn’t be repaired so that he wouldn’t be an entirely wasted investment. Steve is the only thing stopping them.

When the Soldier can't trust his own body, how can he trust anything?

All These Riots Of Broken Sound | 83790 words | Part 1 of Forever Is A Close And Honest Friend

When Steve and the team return to Avengers tower to find Bucky gone, they must venture into B.A.R.F. to figure out what triggered him to leave and hunt those who wronged him. Trapped in a simulation of Bucky's worst memories with rogue HYDRA agents waiting to strike, 100 years of secrets, lies, pain and love drive the team to their limit and push Steve towards a realisation that is a century in the making.

I Was Lost But Left A Trace | 3585 words | Part 2 of Forever Is A Close And Honest Friend

Disorientated, the Asset reached up to wipe at the moisture on its cheeks and was shocked to find it clear, instead of the crimson it has been expecting. It didn’t understand why this misidentification had caused uproarious laughter from the technicians.

“It is not blood,” the Asset told him, “but it is still a malfunction.”

This sobered the technician a little, and he nodded tightly.

“Yes. It is. But we will fix you.”

I’ll Always Be Blamed For The Sun Going Down | 9907 words | Part 3 of Forever Is A Close And Honest Friend

He knows he’s in the right place. He has heard the guys at the docks laugh and joke about the queers who come out after dark, looking to earn a little extra cash. He has seen the johns, when he’s been out late enough, skulking in the shadows like predators hunting for their next meal, looking for something in particular. Sometimes they look at him.

A small, rusty pen knife that his father had picked up in Europe during the Great War sits heavy in the breast pocket of his jacket. Just in case.

Book Of The Moon | 16019 words | Part 4 of Forever Is A Close And Honest Friend

In 1929, Bucky Barnes falls in love for the first time and resigns himself to never telling a soul, let alone Steve, the object of his affections. In 1943, half a world away from the man he can never have and fighting for his life and his sanity, something new begins to bloom.

Habeas Corpus | 18054 words

An unexpected incident in the field leaves Steve Rogers facing the infiltration of a Hydra base and retrieval of important intelligence, all while pretending to be the Winter Soldier. Unfortunately, there are important aspects of the Soldier's past that Bucky hasn't disclosed, and Steve has no idea what he's really walking into.

Bullies | 14979 words

Written for the MCU trash meme prompt:

I wanna see Steve being messed with by his secretly-HYDRA coworker buddies. I want them generally fucking with him, "accidentally" doing terrible things to him or getting Steve into awful situations, telling jokes that aren't really jokes, gaslighting, performing sexual-assault hazing under the guise that "that's what people do now," pressuring him into other sex shit, anything, just fuck Steve up.

Steve isn't failing to fully catch on because he's dumb or oblivious: it's just that he is Steve, so he wants to believe the best of everybody, and he doesn't want to believe that he could be working for/with bullies and that (as Natasha says) he essentially died for nothing.

Not Unwanted, Not Unloved | 50320 words

They'd resigned themselves to never becoming parents - until Bucky gets pregnant and drops off the grid without even a whisper to his mate about his condition. Steve will still raze the earth to find him, but that doesn't mean he likes what he finds.

The Tones That Tremble Down Your Spine | 13889 words

Tony tells him they’re planning a party for Steve’s birthday. He knows how parties are supposed to go.

Lacuna | 62875 words

The Winter Soldier doesn't remember Steve Rogers, but he needs Rogers' help.

OR: The one where Bucky doesn't remember Steve, but falls in love with him anyway.

Not A Perfect Soldier | 93354 words

In a world where HYDRA was wiped out in the '40s, Steve is found by the Army rather than SHIELD. General Thaddeus Ross wants a perfectly obedient super-soldier at his command, and to that end, he sets out to break Steve to his will. As Steve struggles to come to terms with all he has lost, his life in captivity is only made bearable by the presence of another prisoner-- another super-soldier known only as "Soldat". Then the Avengers strike a deal with Ross to "borrow" him for missions, and Steve is faced with a team who dislikes him, an organization he doesn't trust, and the question of what he's willing to do to escape Ross's clutches.

For Want Of Him | 103174 words

It's the twenty-first century, and Steve Rogers has never been more alone. Everything he knew, everyone he loved, is now gone, and a dark, bitter loneliness claws at him, raking bleeding gashes into his heart. And then there's Brock Rumlow. Rumlow is like salt in his wounds; vicious, and cruel. But his dark brown hair and teasing smirk reminds Steve of someone long dead, and his New York accent sounds like home...He's a soldier like him...he understands. And Steve makes the fatal mistake of trusting him.

The Same Measure | 4943 words

The Winter Soldier was never allowed to stop unless an injury was too grievous.

To Be Unmade | 5114 words | Part 1 of Alexander Pierce Should Have Died Slower

For the asset, things only ever get worse. The external scars fade quickly enough. The internal ones dig deeper and deeper.

But the internal scars are called love, and doesn't that make them worth the hurt?

Do Not Put In The Icebox | 7143 words | Part 2 of Alexander Pierce Should Have Died Slower

When the asset malfunctions on a mission, Rumlow and Rollins learn more than they ever wanted to know about Pierce's hobbies.

And then everyone has pancakes.

The Knowing Makes It Worse | 4130 words | Part 3 of Alexander Pierce Should Have Died Slower

No is a bad word and invites punishment.

Or, Alexander Pierce is a very bad man who delights in manipulating and degrading the asset.

Love Is For Children | 5303 words | Part 4 of Alexander Pierce Should Have Died Slower

Bucky understands how the game works. He can't understand why it makes Steve cry.

But Natasha and the other Avengers are there to help.

I Just Wanted To Be Sure Of You | 4461 words | Part 5 of Alexander Pierce Should Have Died Slower

Bucky has Bucky Bear; it's only fair for Natasha to have something of her own.

Visiting a toy store wasn't strictly necessary, but if Tony wants to throw money around, no one's going to complain.

“Till The End Of The Line | 6069 words | Part 6 of Alexander Pierce Should Have Died Slower

It's hard to take a friendship right back up when so much has changed over seventy years.

Particularly when HYDRA's conditioning resurfaces.

*if you feel that any of these fics shouldn’t be in this list please just send me a message! :) I have read them all but over the past 1+ years so some of them I might not remember all the details of :)

[canary3d-obsessed]

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Episode 12 second part

(Masterpost) (Other Canary Funsies) 

Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!

After locking Wei Wuxian into some comically large chains, Wen Chao has him thrown into the dungeon, with an unpleasant surprise.

This Fucking Dog

Being a fan of The Untamed involves occasional second-hand embarrassment, like when they fly on their swords, or the zombies all have the same wig, or a fight sequence moves slower than everybody’s granny. It's ok because each of these things is offset by excellence in acting, story, costumes, weapons, sets, etc.

Then there's this fucking dog. 

The department of questionable practical effects really outdid themselves with this thing. Just seeing this awful creation on screen gives me so much cringe squick I can barely look at it. But for you, dear readers, I FORCED MY EYEBALLS to watch the entire dog sequence OVER AND OVER. Then I applied some brightness adjustments and looked at it EVEN MORE. 

Let's get desensitized! I’m going all in on this monstrosity.

First, this dog does not ever move its body or its feet. Its legs are totally immobile. It appears to be made of a big sawhorse with a stick for the neck. The head swings up and down and side to side. That’s it.  

“Animatronic” is too generous of a term for this thing. The animatronics at Chucky Cheese learned to play musical instruments and host birthday parties decades ago. This dog cannot play an instrument and it has to wait for Wei Wuxian to walk over to it before it can attack him. 

When it falls over after Wen Ning K.O’s it, it’s like a chair falling over. It just topples to the side, legs sticking straight out.  

(more after the cut)

Next, It has a mouth full of teeth, which opens and closes. And it has drool the texture of Astroglide Extra-Thick Gel. But...no tongue.

Seriously you guys, it literally does not have a tongue. They just sculpted a little bump at the at the bottom of its mouth, despite dogs being known for, like, lolling their tongues out of their mouths at every opportunity.

Moving along, it has dull, lifeless eyes, and its eyelids are visibly disconnected from the rest of its head, like a doll that mechanically shuts its eyes when you lay it down to sleep.

Finally, its fur looks like a fucking muppet, and it has random shiny spots all around its eyes and lips. These are probably supposed to be body fluids of some kind, but they just look like someone was careless with the cra-z-glue.

Xiao Zhan gamely tries to act opposite this ridiculous fail prop, but there is nothing remotely scary about it.  

Here is Wei Wuxian being scared. I replaced the animatronic dog with a reversed clip of my dog Pepper asking for a piece of cheese, and I think it looks more convincing this way. 

Ok, let's be done with this stupid fucking dog. Wen Ning knocks it out, Wen Chao criticizes it in the morning, and nobody ever speaks of it again. 

Wei Wuxian is so mortified to have endured this farce that when Lan Wangji asks him, much later, “why are you afraid of dogs?” he does not say “don’t you remember that time I got chewed on by a giant animatronic dog at Wen Chao’s place?” but instead pretends that this never fucking happened. 

Wen Ning to the Rescue

For contrast, the next dungeon scene is a really touching and important encounter between Wen Ning and Wei Wuxian. 

Wen Ning comes and knocks out the creature, and gives Wei Wuxian medicine. 

Wen Ning is doing this in defiance of his clan and his sister, simply because Wei Wuxian is his friend. Yes, he feels indebted, but Wen Qing saved WWX’s life once, so the tally is already even. Wen Ning is just super attached to Wei Wuxian, and vice versa; WWX calls him Wen-Xiong in this scene. 

When Wen Ning explains how to use the medicine, Wei Wuxian changes the subject to ask how WN and his sister are doing. He is bleeding, chained up, high on adrenaline and fear, and what he really wants is to hear how his friends are doing. When Wen Ning talks about Wen Qing’s troubles, Wei Wuxian wishes she would accept help, instead of always going it alone. 

Wei Wuxian thanks Wen Ning formally, and tells him no words can express his gratitude. Whether this is a literally correct translation, the gratitude both of these young men feel toward each other transcends words. It will become a driving force in both of their lives as they save each other from increasingly awful situations. 

Wen Ning tells Wei Wuxian about the burning of Cloud Recesses....the burning of the half we never visit. It would suck to damage that exquisite set, so I’m ok with that production choice, but creates some cognitive dissonance when characters get upset about the fire. 

Wei Wuxian reacts to the news of Lan Wangji’s injury by punching the concrete floor of the dungeon, which is dumb but also highly relatable. 

After Wen Ning leaves, Wei Wuxian decides to save the medicine for Lan Wangji, who might not even need it, while WWX is bleeding right now and definitely needs it. No matter how bad things are for him personally, Wei Wuxian is always thinking about ways to help the people he loves, and constantly seeing his own needs as less important than everybody else’s. 

Breakfast Time

After his night of terror and maiming, Wei Wuxian emerges as chipper as ever. Almost like he is already an expert at hiding his trauma from the people close to him. 

Lan Wangji gives him a careful look, taking in the sight of his ripped clothes and bloody neck and hands. 

Jiang Cheng is angry at Wei Wuxian for joking about his injuries, so he shoves him, potentially causing more injuries. 

Wei Wuxian laughs off the signs of torture and attempted murder and everyone goes along with it. Nobody knows what happened to him other than "dungeon" and what he looks like right now, and they’re all just like, okey dokey, I guess you’re fine.  

He’ll carefully laugh off his months in the burial mounds in the same way, later, and Jiang Cheng will accept it nearly as readily as he accepts this. But by that time Lan Wangji will see right through him.

Nie Huaisang mentions the Lan Clan in the course of discussing breakfast, and then everyone pauses awkwardly because they know that mentioning this will make Lan Wangji think about the recent attack on his home and the deaths of many of his fellow disciples. Whereas if nobody had mentioned it, he totally wouldn't think about it. That's how grief works, right?

Insult to Injury

Wen Chao decides to spend some time gloating about battles and insulting people's families, which he does with Wen Qing standing behind his eyeline so that she can warn Wei Wuxian not to let his brother go off. 

Jiang Cheng is not going to let anybody who isn't his mother insult his father like that, but in a reversal of their normal roles, Wei Wuxian restrains him and helps keep him from doing something rash.

Monster Hunting

Wen Chao makes everyone read out loud until Nie Huaisang wisely faints and gets carried off. Then he gathers everyone for a monster hunt.  It's unclear why he wants to go monster hunting but he sure does, and bringing the hostages along might make them all die, which would be a nice bonus.

The cultivators wander around en masse in a small section of forest, thoroughly covering every inch of it. This is a great way to hunt for a dead body but not so good for living prey. 

Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng stand around like bitchy queens at a dance club, talking smack about Wen Chao and his girlfriend. 

Wei Wuxian brings out a salty phrase and Jiang Cheng wonders what websites he's been going to. 

Dude. Lighten up.

Leave that Boy Alone

Wei Wuxian notices Lan Wangji struggling, and now that he knows the backstory, he's determined to help. Jiang Cheng is determined to stop him.

This is, once again, the fundamental disagreement between the brothers, and it's never going to be solvable. Jiang Cheng's specific dislike of Lan Wangji may be rooted in jealousy, but his belief in not helping outsiders runs a lot deeper than that.

For Wei Wuxian, there is no such thing as having helped enough. If someone is his friend, he will never stop helping them, and he has a lot of friends, and makes new ones wherever he goes. He's always going to be giving something of himself, to the detriment of any conflicting obligations. 

Jiang Cheng tells him that Lan Wangji won't accept his help, and Wei Wuxian says that's not the point. 

What other people think, want, say, or do, is not going to have any effect on whether Wei Wuxian does what he feels is right. This is a bit of a problem where a person's right to self-determination conflicts with Wei Wuxian's need to help them, as Jiang Cheng will eventually discover.

Jiang Cheng's least effective argument is the one he relies on most often when they disagree: other people's problems are not our responsibility. He's saying this to an orphan who was eating trash and stealing scraps from dogs before Jiang Fengmian came into his life. 

Jiang Cheng doesn’t seem to realize the underlying logic of this argument. If it's wrong for Wei Wuxian to help the people he cares about, it was also wrong for Jiang Fengmian to help Wei Wuxian. Jiang Cheng loves Wei Wuxian and would willingly die for him, but he, like his mother, rejects the philosophy that brought them together in the first place.  

Wei Wuxian walks away from an upset and shocked Jiang Cheng to offer a piggyback ride to Lan Wangji.

...who won't accept it, but who will remember the offer forever.

Writing prompt: Thoughts of an animatronic dog

Soundtrack:  Five Nights at Freddy’s by The Living Tombstone

[badfvith]

dating sirius black would include:

A/N: god what i would do for a hug from sirius. i just focused on young sirius for this, but i can always do a post azkaban version at some point if anyone wants it. i hope you all like this :)

warnings: mentions of smut !!!

we all know that sirius was a ladies man during his time at hogwarts but all that changed the moment he laid eyes on you for the first time

he’d randomly walk up to you one day and use some cheesy pickup line and you would stand there in utter disbelief that THE sirius black was talking to YOU

after a few weeks you gave in to him and went on your first date

a lot of other girls were jealous of you at the start of your relationship, but got over it soon enough

literally everybody knows you’re together

pet names like “doll” “sweetheart” “babe” and “love”

him just wanting to be with you 24/7

cuddles on the couches in the gryffindor common room by the fire until late hours of the night

sometimes james will find you both asleep & he’ll take it upon himself to jump on you

speaking of james, you’d be best friends with the marauders

sirius would go out of his way to make sure you were comfortable around them

you and lily quickly become best friends too

getting roped into helping them with their pranks, at first you hate it but after a while you soon become as mischievous as them

sitting next to each other in class, much to all the professors’ dismay because you two are always chatting and laughing in the back

mcgonagall secretly letting it slide though because she realizes how happy you both are

study sessions that end quickly because sirius gets too distracted ;)

“cmon (y/n) can’t we take a littleeee break”

“sirius it’s been 10 minutes”

“but you look so good right now…”

“……fine a quick break”

he knows exactly what he’s doing in the bedroom

he loves to eat you out and he’s a goddamn pro at it so there are 0 complaints from you

he’s pretty dominant; he pulls your hair and he loves giving you hickeys in super visible places

however he gets super whiny and needy whenever you give him blowjobs

no matter how rough it gets he’s always nonstop praising you

“that’s my good girl…taking my cock so well baby doll” omfg.

he literally gets turned on so easily and has no problems taking you in an empty classroom

remus accidentally walking in on you guys too many times to count

he’s the king of aftercare

he’ll cuddle you and rub your back and sometimes even give you shoulder massages

him letting you sleep in his big t shirts

you braiding his hair / putting it in a bun and him actually loving the look

laying out at the black lake at night and having deep conversations

him opening up to you about his family life

sending you cute cheesy letters all summer long (never complete without a sentence or two about how much he despises his mother)

he’s so clingy when you’re together

“where are you goinggg”

“to the bathroom sirius relax”

taking hogsmede trips together & him showing you all his secret passages to get in and out of hogwarts

so much pda

him dramatically yelling your name and running towards you for a hug in the hallway between classes

always has a hand on your knee during meals in the great hall

you teasing him in class which both pisses him off and turns him on

lots of passionate kisses that leave you breathless

getting to hear his raspy deep morning voice which makes you tingle

super tight hugs where you are enveloped in his smoky, leathery, cologne scent and you never want to let go

him telling you he loves you 500 times a day; you always say it back

being there for him through everything

comforting him when his family is hard on him

comforting him after nightmares

you were SHOOK when you found out he and the other marauders were animagi but after the initial shock you loved it

him turning into his animagus form to cheer you up if you needed it

you start calling him snuffles just to fuck with him

helping him remus and peter try to set up lily and james

once they finally get together you and lily joke that sirius and james are the real couple and they’re gonna leave you both for each other

sirius stupidly just responding with “oi you never know” and sending james a wink

sirius is such a gentleman though

always opening doors for you, pulling out chairs for you, asking if you’ve eaten, holding your hand when you two are walking somewhere together

lots of random adventures

flying around on his broomstick and motorcycle which prompts you to hang onto him with your life (which he loves)

you have such an intense loving relationship

he always has such strong eye contact with you when you’re talking to him and a lot of times you get so lost in it you forget what you’re saying

you are literally addicted to each other; you barely go an hour without being together

he shows you off like crazy

lots of jealousy from him but you always reassure him that you’re his and his alone

you both just care about each other so much

overall just so much love and passion and FUN like there would never be a dull moment with him

[zontiky]

au where the apocalypse was never a threat or a concept to begin with

*cracks knuckles* now i could make this a decent upbringing au OR i could make it EXTREMELY COMPLICATED and you know me you know exactly what im about to do ;)

reginald THINKS he’s prepping them all for the apocalypse but reginald is a child-abusing FOOL and an alien BASTARD and there’s no apocalypse there never was there never will be. the world is safe and sound but the hargreeves children aren’t.

five runs away from home and gets thrown into april 1st, 2019. the world is thriving. he did it. he tries to get home but he can’t because he’s stuck and im now realizing that everyone reading this post has seen a million fics with this exact concept but FUCK YOU THIS IS MY CITY NOWWW

so he’s stuck in 2019 and he’s like ah fuck ah SHIT what now! and goes to the academy and it’s not like he was super far away from it in the first place. he didn’t even make it a mile away it’s like a 5 minute walk back home lmao

now because reggie thinks there IS an apocalypse he still killed himself and i hate him a lot so cough ahem anyway

five shows up on the mansion and expects dad to be sitting there in his office, doing his evil dad evil villain thing yk the drill

but instead he comes in to an empty house. mom is unresponsive. he cant find pogo (dont ask where pogo is. hes doing monkey butler things ok). and diego is climbing in through the window

five freaks out because WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU THIS IS MY HOUSE and jumps diego and diego goes down HARD because WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT MY DEAD BROTHER?? MY BROTHER WHO DISAPPEARED 17 YEARS AGO?? WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCKKKK

so they try to beat the shit out of each other for a second and by that i mean five tries to beat the shit out of diego whos gained his senses by now and is trying to convince his brother (his BROTHER) that technically he lives here too please stop punching me

luther comes downstairs.

“IS THAT FIVE???”

“SHUT UP AND HELP ME THIS LITTLE FUCKER CAN PUNCH”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”

they manage to calm him down when five catches sight of diegos tattoo

WAIT I FORGOT THAT THE FUNERAL WAS BEFORE APRIL FUCK NEVERMIND SCRAP THE PAST 13 BULLETS ABORT MISSION

so five lands in april, goes to the house, and by then the hargreeves have cleared out and are back to doing their own thing more or less. he comes up to the door and grace (pogo has fixed her by now because i said so) welcomes her son back home like he never even left

she gives him a hug

reginald is gone and she hasnt seen her sun in years and dammit, he deserves that hug okay? she gives him a hug.

five pulls away. mom hasnt hugged him for years because he stopped letting her and he’s not about to change his mind now

“where’s everyone?” he asks. he doesn’t even consider that everybody is gone, because where would they go? or maybe it just hasn’t hit him exactly which time he jumped into, maybe he still hasn’t made the connection exactly what age his siblings are now, maybe he has but he still hopes he can deny it for a little while longer

grace wants to hug him again but she refrains. she calls his siblings

one by one, in the span of the next week, she gets ahold of them and calls them back to the academy. “important news,” she says. “you’ll want to -- you’ll need to be here,” she says. “your brother,” she says, and her children listen and come back home

luther is at the academy when five gets here. because, where would he go? he can’t go back to the moon, and dad is gone, and he’s never even been on a bus alone before, where would he go?

when five sees him for the first time he almost cries, because he’s so much bigger and taller and older and what happened to him??

this is his new reality. this is the new luther

but it isn’t, it can’t be, because five is going to get back home and he’s going to fix it, he’s going to fix this and he’s going to grow up just like his siblings did, and it won’t even be long before he’s back home almost two decades ago.

vanya is next to arrive, and five almost -- almost -- smiles at her and gives her a hug and teases her how she’s still shorter than him, but she has such a blank expression on her face and the way she looks between the portrait of him (he hated that portrait from the beginning, he wanted to burn it because hes back now, isnt he? and he’ll go back home and not leave again, but pogo didnt let him) stops him. it will only be a couple of days and he’ll be going home already, he tells grace, so maybe the others dont even have to come here. she nods and smiles and says nothing

diego comes a day or so later, dragging klaus along, and five is stunned by how they look once again. diego looks battle-hardened and angry like he never did just last week, five’s last week, but now he scowls and doesn’t stutter and dresses himself in black and he lives alone and diego looks so lonely but five doesnt think about it because its not his business and he knows better and its diegos own damn fault for cutting contact, isnt it? and even if it weren’t five will go back and fix it all

five knows klaus has been doing things for a good year or so know, but this -- living on the streets, giggling even as diego forces him inside, making lewd jokes with his eyes out of focus -- he couldn’t have even imagined. he stamps down the feeling of i should have been there to help stop him and doesn’t think how sad and angry at their father seeing klaus like this makes him feel, instead he forces thoughts of it’s his own fault he ended up this way and i’m going to get back and fix this (but that’s not a thought he has to force. he will. he has to. it won’t even be another week before he figures out how to get home)

allison gets there next. she took the first plane she could get on to get home and pushed off all her appointments but she had a family emergency just last week and it was hard to get away and she looks so sad even when she opens her arms for a hug and five cant help but relent and give her one. diego scoffs and allison lets loose a dig thats more of a barb thats more of a sharp sentence splitting the air and hitting her brother square in the chest. five doesnt say anything but his stomach twists. just a week or so and he’ll fix it because even as children they never said things like that to each other

he waits for ben to come last. he must be the most adjusted of them all, right? ben read a lot last five saw of him, and hes one of the smartest of them, and secretly five always thought that ben deserves to have friends that he doesnt live with

ben doesnt come

he asks mom and she smiles and he asks the others and they look away and he asks again and someone -- and it doesnt matter who because his ears are ringing and hes stumbling back and falling onto the couch -- says that ben died. ben died years ago.

ben died four years after five left

fives head is spinning and he needs to get back, he needs to stop it he needs to fix it he needs to make it all better because it was never supposed to be this way

(you thought this would be a happy au didnt you?? haha bitch think again)

(it is but they have to get there smhhh)

klaus laughs and elbows the air next to him and five asks, he doesnt beg, he asks him if he can summon ben

everyone scoffs. rolls their eyes. klaus is high as a kite and hes holding a bottle of whiskey and he looks like he hasnt been sober in days. weeks. years. and he’s a liar and ben is gone for real, im sorry, five. i know this must be hard for you

that can’t be right. five wasnt there for all of klaus’ lies and stealing and drunken sobbing. five remembers klaus rolling a joint at the breakfast table like it was last week -- and it was, it was, he’ll fix it still, but to five klaus is still just his brother. just klaus

he asks, not begs, five doesnt beg but he comes damn close in this moment, to tell him the truth

and klaus looks around and ben whispers please, klaus, just try and five is looking at him with wet eyes and he’s thirteen he’s so young and -- he can’t say innocent. none of them have ever been innocent, not since reginald hargreeves adopted them all those years ago. but five...

he tells the truth. and five believes him

so anyway five cant get back and then they decide well ok five while youre staying here we might as well buy you some clothes. ones that arent literally 20 years old. jesus these uniforms are ugly

my jaw is clenching so hard and im cold asdflksdh so im gonna end this here and maybe rb it and continue lated idk 😳😳

WHOOP this is getting away from me i know u didnt come here for quote poetic unquote bullshit but weihfsdkjdhskf THATS WHAT UR GETTING I GUESS XX <3

[saltedpeppermintmocha]

into the night (bakugou x reader) - Chapter 2/?

Summary:

You were born to die.

It is a fact you’ve known since your quirk first manifested, and one you have been denying for just as long. You refuse your supposed fate and try to live the best life you can while remaining undetected.

But maybe fate has another plan. A chance encounter on a mountainside changes your life forever.

Chapter One

MATURE : MINORS DO NOT INTERACT // 18+

The village has not changed much since you last visited. It almost makes you feel as if you never left. For many, this would be a comfortable thought; however, you left to get away from this sort of monotony. The city is always moving, always changing and updating, for better or for worse. You hadn’t even realized that your favourite dessert place had moved until one week you went and walked into a new bar. While you mourned the desert place, the bar had been a welcome addition to the area.

You noticed early in life that most people didn’t leave the village. Maybe it was the comfort of monotony, maybe it was the money it took to actually leave. Nobody in the village was rich, and it took you saving every yen you could for too many years to be able to leave. Most of the kids you went to school with remain here, working in local shops or restaurants. So when you walk through the village with Dad, everybody wants to come to say hello.

Normally this wouldn’t be a problem, you would spend more time talking to each person, but your nerves about the mountain pull you quickly from person to person until finally the small store comes into view.  An old man sits on a chair outside, seemingly staring into nothing. He looks over at your arrival, startling a bit with a large smile forcing its way onto its face. He calls out your name.

He looks the same as you remember him, but watching him struggle to pull himself from the chair is new. You frown slightly, rushing towards him to help him up. Your help immediately turns into a hug. “Welcome home my dear.”

“Thank you, Tanaka.” You reply happily, hugging him back. “How have you been?”

“Oh, just great dear.” He pulled back from the hug. “And you? Have you found yourself a husband yet?”

You hold back a frustrated sound. This shit again?! Dad coughs behind you, struggling to hide his laughter. “Not yet.” You reply, slightly more patient with Tanaka than your father. “I have to find the right one, you know?”

“Well, you better hurry up now. You are not getting any younger!” He says, as if his words are not a punch to the gut. “When you find him, make sure to come visit. I know your mother would-”

“Tanaka.” Surprisingly, it’s your father that interrupts. “I believe she has something to ask you?” He gestures at you.

“Ah, yes!” You reply quickly, thankful for the quick change in subject. “Do you have a guest at Fuccanchi?”

The old man blinks a few times, seemingly confused about the change in topic. But he gets it after a moment. “Oh, yes I do, dear.” He stops there. You wait a moment, but no more information comes. Alright then.

“Is there any chance it is a guy around my age?”

“I would think so.” His head tilts to the side, considering. Then his eyes open wide. “Oh, I see. I don’t know if he is single, but he didn’t come with a wife. I will ask him next time I see him.” Single? Uh-

“Ack, no, nope!” You immediately shut that down, hands flailing uselessly in front of you. “That is not what I meant. I saw him on the mountain and I was just concerned for his safety.” You pause. “Just to make sure, is this guy a blond? Um...he looked strong? But he was super quiet.”

“Yes, that sounds like him.” Tanaka taps at his face. “Such a strange young man. Maybe it is for the best that you don’t get married. A husband like that is no good.”

“Tanaka!” You groan, running your hand down your face. “I just want to make sure he is okay. Have you seen him around today?"

He takes another too-long pause, but you wait it out. Then he replies. “I saw him this morning while I was putting out food for the cats.” He continues. “Chico has been so naughty recently, I don’t know what to do about her. And Haru got into the brambles, it took me forever to get him clean…”

You let Tanaka's voice fade to the background as he spoke about the cats. Your mind was on more important things. This morning, he saw the guy this morning. You let out a long breath of relief, that nagging feeling in your gut finally releasing. If he was here this morning, he is fine. The mountain didn’t swallow him up. You didn’t have to go to the police. You can forget all about him now.

Finally.

After letting go of the asshole on the mountain, the rest of your day is calm and peaceful. Dad stays to chat with Tanaka, so you filter through the various small shops, buying items you don’t really need just to help out the owners. To stimulate the local economy.

You meet up with a few childhood friends for dinner at a family restaurant. It is a bit awkward at first, as are all conversations where you haven't spoken in years, but it soon gets moving. They ask about the city and your life, often replying ‘ I could never do that' or ‘I could never live there’ to your stories. You don’t answer that you feel the same about their lives.

It is only when you are done eating, and you are partially zoning out while one of them tells an extremely long story about a new television show they are watching, that you hear something from the mountain. You perk up at the odd sound, but nothing looks out of place or weird.

“Is there something happening on the mountain?” You ask, rudely cutting off whoever was speaking at the time. They go quiet, and you listen closely. You hear it again, faint from distance: a booming sound. It sounds like a demolition, maybe. Are they taking down one of the huts on the mountain? But that wouldn’t need a full demolition.

“What are you talking about?” Saneka asks.  

“The noises.” You reply, frowning when you meet three other confused faces. “Do you guys not hear them?” They shake their heads.

“I think I heard something last night.”  Nakamura puts forward. “I was up late reading. It is the best time to read, you know, with the quiet. But there was suddenly this loud banging sound-”

“You sure that wasn’t coming from your mom's room?” Ito smirked.

“Hey! Take that back!” Nakamura frowned, slamming his hands down on the table. The conversation quickly deteriorates into jokes, the topic dropped entirely. You try to push it from your mind, deciding to have an extra look tomorrow when you head out.

The dinner ends relatively quickly after that, the three of them headed in one direction and you in the other. You exchange phone numbers and promise to keep in touch. A promise that none of you are planning on keeping. You head home, casually listening for more sounds in the mountain that don’t come. The lights are on when you make it back.

“I’m home!” You call out, toeing off your shoes.

“Welcome back,” Dad calls out. You find him in the living room, watching some show on the television. He looks up at you with a smile. “How was dinner?”

You shrug. “Fine.” Plopping down beside him on the couch, you change the subject. “What are you watching?” He gives you a look, knows when you are deflecting, but still goes off on an explanation you only partially listen to.

You don’t want to tell him how that dinner just reinforced your decision to leave the village. You don’t want to tell him that every word from your old friend's mouth was so boring and slow that you felt like you were going insane. You cant tell him how your heart screams for the hustle and bustle of your city and your job.

Dad falls asleep early nowadays. You place a blanket over him, turn off the television and lights, and head upstairs. It’s an early night for you too. Or, it is supposed to be. You need to be up early to tackle the mountain.

But your mind keeps returning to your childhood friends. How did you all grow up to be so different? What happened? Saneka, the beauty queen of your class, who swore she would be an American actress, decided to marry Nakamura, the class weirdo who once ate glue. Is Ito, the man who wanted nothing more than to prove his worth by moving to the city, really happy working at a store in this village? They all had such big dreams. Did they give them up to live a quiet, peaceful life? Are they really happy like this?

“Move to Makkari?”

Your father's quiet plea rattles around in your brain. Could you be happy here, like them? Could you give up everything for a quiet, peaceful life? A safe life? What would you even do? Get a job with Tanaka and Ito at the storei? Find love amongst the minimal prospects and live a slow life? Your heart hurts at the thought. You look out your window from your bed. It isn’t a good angle to see the mountain, but the sight still does not disappoint. Stars dot the cloudless sky, constellations you once knew dance above your head. It is beautiful here. Beauty that cannot exist in a city.

You let out a frustrated groan and turn over to bury your face in your pillow. This train of thought will keep you awake for hours, you need to stop. Reaching over to the nightstand, you grab and your phone and find your music app. It takes a moment, but you find some nice background music to hopefully drown out your thoughts and put your earphones in. The sounds are able to relax you and give you something else to focus on rather than your own problems.

Luckily, you fall asleep not too long after.

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.

You scream awake, sitting straight up with hands reaching up to cover your ears. Holy fuck that is loud. When your ears hit earphones, you grab them harshly and yank them out. The sound instantly gets quieter, distant now as they rest in your lap.

Well, that's a shocking way to wake up. Your body feels weird after waking up so suddenly, buzzing a bit as if you are in danger. You give yourself a few moments to just breathe until your body calms down, your brain mentally going through everything you need to do before your hike today. You are not planning to make it to the top, but you are hoping to make it at least further than the rocky ledge of yesterday.

Despite the sudden awakening, you feel sluggish as you finally make your way out of bed. It takes you a bit longer than normal to get everything done, but you still make it out the door within your desired time. You stop in at the local cafe, grabbing a large coffee, and heading out to the mountain. The coffee kicks in by the time you make it there, body buzzing with caffeine and excitement for your day. You park your car in its regular spot, an unassuming area with the smallest hint of a trail, and head out.

The sun is getting high in the sky by the time you pass the forest and reach the foot of the mountain. With the days getting shorter, maybe you should have tried to come earlier, but as it is you will have enough time for what you want to do. You make a quick reminder to start even earlier next time and begin the trek up.

It's a nice day, honestly, and you are enjoying yourself immensely as you climb. The trees have lost a lot of their leaves already, but there is a beauty in that as well. You hum quietly to yourself as you walk, eyes continuously scanning the surrounding area for any threats. With the trees as bare as they are, it’s actually pretty easy to keep an idea of your surroundings for most of the trail; however, up ahead it takes a rough corner through a group of rocks. The rocks completely obscure your view, and you are prepared to take that area slower than normal.That's when it happens.

You flinch as a figure rounds the corner ahead, coming into view quickly. A man. Your hand instinctively goes to fiddle at the clip for the spray. It takes you only a moment to recognize him as he turns, also pausing a second as he sees you.

It’s him. The asshole of the mountain.

He looks like he is on his way down, which is a bit odd considering the time of day. Did he stay overnight on the mountain?

You look over his outfit. It's slightly better than before. At least he is wearing a jacket, although it looks too light for the climate. But you still don’t see any protection items. He scoffs, bringing your attention back to his face. He starts to walk down the trail towards you, hands relaxed in his jacket pocket despite the rough terrain.

“You really should wear more protection if you are coming up to the mountain.”  The words are out of your mouth before you can stop them. Maybe from a childhood of warnings and scary stories, of seeing people go up the mountain to never return, or possibly just frustration from your job at people who do not take the measures to protect themselves.

Your words are a bit sudden, sure, but the man doesn’t even acknowledge them. His eyes flicker to you briefly before he continues his descent. You are thrown off, made awkward at the complete lack of acknowledgment. What the? Who just completely ignores someone when they are talking? It’s obvious that you are talking to him, right?

“Hey, uh, sorry if I insulted you or something the other day.” You attempt, forcing a small smile. You reach for the spray at your hip and unclip it, offering it out. “But you really should take the bear spray. One of the villagers saw one the other day and…” You trail off as the man walks by you, completely ignoring your words.

Once again you are left standing holding out bear spray. What the absolute fuck. Your hand clutches the spray harder in anger as you spin to face his back. Well, fuck you too then . You narrow your eyes and raise a middle finger to his back, grinning when it goes unnoticed. Hah, take you fuck-

You hit the ground. The world spins wildly around you. The air is knocked out of you immediately and you gasp in the cold autumn air. Your hands grasp at the ground as if trying to steady you.

What happened?

You push yourself up a bit, glancing down at your body. Your right foot rests awkwardly on top of a tree root. You hadn’t seen it, too preoccupied with trying to one-up the asshole without him knowing. You move your foot a bit, but it doesn’t feel injured. It's a lucky break, honestly, as getting injured up here could spell a lot of trouble for you.

But you don’t feel too lucky as you lock eyes with the only other person on the trail. He has stopped walking, looking over his shoulder at you. You attempt the most prideful glare you can from your back on the ground. His eyes narrow briefly, but he turns to continue his walk down the mountain.

You wait until he is too far to see before letting out a loud groan. Your head rests back on the ground for a moment. Fuck. Of course, he saw that. Of course, the world wouldn’t give you this one win. After another moment of self-deprecation, you pull yourself up and wipe angrily at the dirt on your clothes.

In theory, the rest of the hike goes by peacefully. Nothing else happens, and normally you would be excited looking around at the nature surrounding you. In reality, you spend the entire time grumbling about a certain blonde. You make it to the same rock ridge you had been on the other day and climb up. The rocks are cold under your ass as you sit, a break. Part of you wants to give up for the rest of the day, your mood is already horrible. But you need to push forward if you want to make it to the top by the end of your month here.

After taking a quick look around the area, you reach into your pack and grab your sandwich and water bottle. Extremely basic, but you couldn’t be bothered to put more effort in this morning. You eat slowly, your brain unfortunately, stuck on the blond from earlier. What is his deal anyway? You chew angrily.

Once done, you shove the sandwich container and water bottle back into your pack, careful not to leave anything on the trail. You stretch and slide down the rocky ledge back to the trail.

A sound to your right. Something is there. Your head swings towards it, eyes focusing immediately on a potential threat.

It’s actually not a man this time. It's a bear. Fuck.

You reach down to your hip. Your hand grasps at just air. The spray is gone. Where the fuck did it... oh. You had been holding it when you fell, after offering it to the asshole. It must have rolled away. You didn’t even notice, too preoccupied with your anger.  

“Fuck.” You back away slowly, quietly, hoping it hasn't seen you but unable to properly see its face in the trees. Another sound. Shit. It’s definitely walking towards you. You begin to take quicker steps backward, abandoning quietness for speed and distance from the creature. Reaching backward, you try to get a hand into your pack to grab the spare spray.

It charges, and against all things you know you should do, you panic. You let out a scream and turn, running into the trees.

Your heart pounds in your chest, breath catching harshly as you bolt through the trees. You dart between trees in hopes that the bigger animal can't maneuver as well. You don’t know where you are going, or exactly how far the bear is. But you can hear it. It is there. Getting closer every moment. Fuck. You can’t outrun a bear.

You’re gonna die. Fuck fuck.

There is a loud sound in the distance. A bang.

You can’t afford to think about it. You run,

A boom. You run.

Even closer now.

You run.

A boom behind you, large and wild, is all you hear before a powerful gust of hot wind rams into your back. You trip immediately, falling harshly to the ground and rolling into a tree. A cough rips out of your lungs. Your eyes snap open immediately after, hands pushing yourself up. Experience tells you not to stay down when danger is imminent. But the scene in front of you is not what you expect.

The area directly in front of you is destroyed. Where trees once stood are now scattered remains some smoking. In the middle of the new clearing is the blond. He stands with his back to you, looking into the trees. Your eyes immediately follow the direction he is looking to see a brown figure disappearing into the trees.

“What the fuck…” You whisper, blinking wildly. You lean back against the tree for support, closing your eyes briefly to focus on your breathing to calm down. Going into shock would not do you well right now. For a moment there is silence, the only sound being your deep breaths and the occasional snapping of a tree.

“Oi!” You open your eyes. The blond turns towards you, looking you over for a moment. “What happened to the fucking bear spray, idiot?” That unimpressed look appears on his face again, a scowl that sends shivers down your spine.

Fuck you. That is what your instincts tell you to say to that. But, he did just save your life. You grit your teeth together and force out a quiet ‘thank you’. You are not too sure if he heard you, but he doesn’t say anything. He turns, sliding his hands in his pocket to walk in the direction that you came from.

A second. He stops. “Well?” He looks back, intense gaze focused on you. “Move it, extra.”

Your eyes narrow, anger at being called an extra threatening to boil over. A calming breath and you pull yourself into a standing position.  “Right.” You follow.

The walk down is quiet. You follow the blond a few feet behind, looking around the forest as you go. There is no more movement around you, the forest dead as if nothing had ever happened. But what had happened? You look at the man in front of you, biting your lip. Obviously, this had something to do with the blonds' quirk, right? How did he even get up there so fast?

Wait. Is that the noise you’ve been hearing from the mountain?

Eventually, you reunite with the trail, only a bit before the mountain merges into a flat forest. He stops, taking a step back and gesturing with a grunt for you to begin walking down. You pass him beginning the trek, but he isn't following. You pause, looking back. The blond stands there, hands in his pockets, watching you with those intense eyes.

What the hell is he doing up on the mountain? Why is he here? You narrow your eyes, considering him.

“What?” His gruff voice sounds muffled. “Y’wanna fuckin autograph or somethin’.”

Huh?

“Huh?” You repeat your thoughts. “Um, no, I just…” You trail off. In the end, he doesn’t seem to be doing anything bad up on the mountain. “Listen. Thank you for, uh, saving me.” You speak more confidently. “But you can’t be using your quirk like this without a license.”

His eyes widen, light eyebrows rising in surprise. “Hah?!”

“I mean, you are not the first person to come here thinking they can practice on the mountain without anyone knowing.” You continue. “Not only does it pose a huge risk to the local wildlife and mountain as a whole, but if you got hurt there would be nobody to help you.”

“Help me ?!" That gruff voice got louder, angrier. His shoulders tense. You put your hands up in a placating gesture.

“I won’t say anything, promise. I owe you one after that.” You continue. “But I can hear you from the village, and I’m sure others will too. I’d hate for someone to call the police or the heroes on you.”

A brief silence, where the blond looks a weird mix of shocked and completely pissed off. You take that as your opportunity to leave before he gets really angry, turning on your heel and beginning the rest of your hike. Your hand runs over the extra can of bear spray now solidly clipped to your hip.

You make it through the bottom of the mountain quickly with no further incident. The sight of your car on the side of the road fills you with relief. Honestly, you were not sure if you’d ever see it again. You run your hand over the hood thoughtfully as you walk around to the driver's side.

A booming sound echoes from further up the mountain. You look up, but see nothing. A few more sounds after. Then quiet.

“Fucking idiot.” You muse, turning on the engine.

[lightupmyass]

Pairing: Professor! Namjoon x College Student! Reader

Genre: smut, slight angst, comedy and some fluff I think?

Warnings: unprotected sex, dirty talk, fingering, mentions of masturbation, slight soft dom Joonie, semi public sex, cream pie

Summary: Being the class clown is all fun and games, until you take things a little too far...

Word Count: 4218

You’ve been waiting for this for months. After a boring summer back home, you finally get to come back to school. Most people dread going back, but you loved it. Your hometown was so boring. You loved being at school, seeing your friends, meeting new people. It was exhilarating to you. You fix your hair one more time before grabbing your bag and heading to your very first class of the semester.

As you walk in, you smile wide when you notice a familiar face, and when you catch his eyes, he does the very same. “Yooo, no fucking waaaay.” You laugh, going up to your friend and high fiving him. “That’s my bitch! You didn’t tell me you had this class.” Taehyung laughs, pulling the chair next to him out for you. “Well you didn’t tell me either, man. Bro this is gonna be fucking great.” You smile. Taehyung has been one of your best friends since you started uni, sharing your sense of humor. He was the class clown everywhere he went, and you thrived together. You looked around, seeing a few other familiar faces, but no one you really talked to.

As you and Taehyung caught up, telling each other all about your summers, something else caught your eye. A man walked into the room, his blonde hair slicked back with a small strand falling onto his forehead, round glasses perched perfectly on his nose, and a dark blue button up shirt tucked into black slacks. He looked young, older than any other student, but too young to be the professor. You Tried to ignore him, but watched him out of the corner of your eye, seeing him set his things on the teacher’s desk and grab a marker from the white board.

“Alright, good morning everybody.” He turned to face the class, a small smile on his face, his dimples prominent, giving him an even more youthful look. “My name is Mr. Kim.” He says, writing it on the board. “I am your professor for English 3. Are their any questions before we get started?” He asks. One of the girls raises her hand, and he points at her. “Sorry if I’m being too forward, Professor, but how old are you?”  She asks, smiling at him. “Ah,” he chuckles, “I’m actually 27. I just graduated last year actually so this is my first year teaching.” He explains. Damn, he’s pretty young. “Any other questions?” When he asks that, you get an idea. You nudge Taehyung, smiling as you raise your hand. “Yes?” Mr. Kim asks, pointing at you. “Um yes, I have a question. Do you think busses in medieval times were just very long carriages, Sir?” You ask, Taehyung bursting with laughter the second you stopped talking, a few of the other students chuckling as well. Mr. Kim raised an eyebrow at you, putting his hands behind his back. “Do we have anymore questions about this class?” “Ooh, I have one Sir!” Taehyung raises his hand, a big, wicked smile on his face. “Can we do magic tricks in here?” Mr. Kim looked at him, a small part of his soul leaving his body as he realized what he had gotten himself into. Why did he become a professor? He may never know the truth. “Yes, you can absolutely do magic. In fact, if you keep asking me questions that waste my time and the class's, I’ll do one myself and make you disappear.” A round of ooohs echoed off the walls, Taehyung slumping down in his seat. For once in his life, Taehyung might’ve met his match. This made the young, handsome teacher all the more intriguing to you.

Over the next month you and Taehyung had stuck your claim as the class clowns, as you’ve been doing since the two of my met. You were a chaotic duo that made the best out of any boring lecture. You did ask a few more stupid questions in Mr. Kim's class, but he never acted upon that little “threat" he made on the first day. In all honesty, he didn’t seem like a bad guy. He was funny, sweet, and still super attractive. He was also very philosophical, always bringing up discussions in the classroom that were open for debate, which you gladly joined with complete seriousness. His face when you first spoke without making some joke for comic relief was one of shock, to say the least.

You enjoyed his class very much, but it wasn’t until one night that you really saw Mr. Kim for who he was. It was a night where you and Tae had decided to go out to a little bar that was off campus you two found during your second semester of school. It was quiet, relaxing, and intimate. Not many people from your school come in, so you don’t have to worry about embarrassing yourself in front of fellow classmates (which you never worry about anyway but, you know). Tae had left you alone in favor of going home with a girl he had met, meaning that you were sitting at the bar, alone and bored. As you wave the bartender over to ask for another drink, you see a familiar, tall figure slouched on the bar, a big difference from his usual perfect posture, his normally slick blonde hair falling onto his forehead, looking as soft as a cloud.

Curious, you get down from your stool, making your way over to him and putting a hand on his shoulder. “Mr. Kim?” You ask, grabbing his attention. He turns on his stool, his cheeks slightly pink as he straightens himself up. “Ah, Y/N. Didn’t expect I’d see anyone from school here.” He mumbles a bit, a slight slur in his voice. He must’ve been here for a while. “Yeah, uh, Tae and I come here a lot. Mind if I sit?” You ask, Mr. Kim nodding. Taking the seat next to him, the bartender brings you your drink. “Are you alright, Mr. Kim? You don’t look like yourself.” You ask. He stiffens up a bit, running his fingers through his hair, the action making his button up shirt tighten around his biceps and back. “Yes, I’m fine. Just kinda, drowning away the work week, you know?” He answers. “I’m sure being a professor isn’t easy. Especially with idiots like Tae and I.” You chuckle, Mr. Kim doing the same. “Nah, you guys aren’t that bad. I actually enjoy some of the things you two come up with. I mean, ‘who would win in a fight between a manatee and a praying mantis?’ like what?” He laughs loudly, making you feel good at the question you asked him just last week.

“I thought we annoyed you. You’re always so serious in class.” You admitted. “On the contrary, you guys brighten my day. Since this is my first year of teaching, I have to try and maintain a strict classroom in order to feel as if I’m actually doing a good job, but its always good to have a laugh every now and then.” He smiles at you, his dimples making your heart flutter. “Why did you become a teacher so early?” The question sneaks up on you, and you’re not sure if it was a good one or not, but you’re curious. “Honestly, I just needed something that would give me money while I wrote my book.” He answers. “Book? You’re writing a book?” He chuckles a bit, taking another sip of his drink. “Of course I’m writing a book. I’m an English major, its not like I can go get a CEO position in a big business with a paper that says ‘I know how to read and write good'.” He jokes, putting a smile on your face. “Well, Mr. Kim, I never expected you to be such a jokester.” You chuckle. “Please, we’re off campus. Call me Namjoon.”

For the rest of the night you both sat there, talking about his book, your childhood, pretty much anything that came up until the bartender called last round and you realized it was almost 4 am. “Oh, wow, I guess we should be heading out.” You giggle, the alcohol definitely running rampant through your system. You take your card out to pay your tab when Namjoon pushes your hand away. “Its okay. I got it.” You thank him, smiling warmly at him. “Are you okay to go home? Do you want me to walk you? Or call you an Uber?” He asks. “Well, we’re going back to campus, so I feel that an Uber would be better. Don’t want anyone to see us and get the wrong impression.” You point out, him nodding in agreement. He walks you outside, waiting with you. “You know, I have always wondered something about you, Y/N.” He says, catching you a bit off guard. “What’s that?” He stiffens a bit, putting his hands in his pockets as he props himself up against the brick wall. “You’re an amazing student, always turn in exceptional work, so why do you act out? Why not just go through school like normal and be great? Let your work and your character match?” The question actually surprises you a bit. “Well, I assume it could be related to the constant need for attention due to the lack of it from my parents, growing up as a middle child in a family of five kids.” You give him your honest answer. “That makes sense.” There’s a bit of a silence for a moment before he speaks again. “Tonight turned out a lot better than I expected. I normally drink alone, but having company was nice.” He smiles. “The pleasure is all mine, Mr. Kim. I had a lot of fun too. I saw you as an actual person for once.” You respond. There’s a moment when you turn to face him, his cheeks still tinged pink from the alcohol and his eyes hazy, his body leaning lazily against the wall. There’s a moment when your eyes meet, and the sounds of the last few people leaving the bar fades away, where its just the two of you, and you can’t help the way your heart races, an urge so strong you want to act upon. However, you don’t even need to, because before you know it, his lips are on yours, heat radiating between you in this moment, this moment of passion, where you forget who he is, what he is to you, where all you can think about is how soft his lips are, how his strong hands grip your waist, and how his chest feels pressed against yours. Before you know it, the moment is over, he pulls away with heavy breaths, leaving you cold with his taste still on your lips. “I-I'm so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. God I’m such a fucking idiot.” He steps back, putting his hand on his forehead as he leans back against the wall. “No, no its okay. I didn’t mind-" You stop when you see him looking behind you, the light from headlights flooding where you were standing. “That’s the Uber.” He clears his throat, straightening himself up again. “Have a good night, Y/N. I’ll see you in class on Monday.” He says, and just like that, he’s gone, walking alone in the shadows in the opposite direction.

Another month passes by. You have to admit, there’s a lot of tension between the two of you ever since that night. However, the kiss has somehow made you even more dangerous to him. Not that he was afraid you’d tell someone, because for someone who was a loud mouth in class, you assured him you knew how to keep a secret. Yet the knowledge that he was attracted to you gave you more power in other ways. You started to dress a little different in class, hoping to tease him a little bit, the kiss making you crave more from him. Short skirts and sundresses were now your typical outfit, and you could tell that he enjoyed seeing them without him needing to tell you anything. Even after your chat that night though, you never slowed down with your stupid questions or remarks, keeping your title in the class. You liked pushing him a bit, trying to see where he’d draw the line. No matter how hard you pushed, he didn’t seem to waver at all.

Class started normally, just like any other day, Mr. Kim calling roll call and Taehyung answering with something stupid. It all changed when Mr. Kim asked “Does anyone have any questions before we start?” and oh boy did you have a great one for today. You raise your hand, the look of false annoyance already washing over his face. You know he loves your jokes, he just has to act like he doesn’t. “Yes, Miss Y/N?” Now is your time to shine. Maybe this’ll be his limit. “Ah yes, Sir, I would like to know, where do babies come from?” You ask, Taehyung immediately erupting with laughter as a few other student giggle, a few others groaning, sick of your bullshit. Mr. Kim nods a bit before responding. “Y/N, I need you to stay after so we can discuss your behavior in my class.” The seriousness in his voice scares you, the only thing able to come out of your mouth is a small “Yes Sir".

The rest of class drags on, the fear of what will happen after class making your stomach hurt. You wonder if you really did it this time, if you pushed him past his breaking point. The moment he dismisses everyone is the moment your heart drops into your stomach, Taehyung patting you on the back before leaving the classroom, leaving you and Mr. Kim alone. “Mr. Kim, I-" “Namjoon. Call me Namjoon now, Y/N. Its just us.” He corrects you, a bit of your worry fading away at the calm tone of his voice. “Namjoon, I’m sorry if I took it too far. I really am.” You apologize, and for once in your life its genuine. “Its alright, Y/N. Come up here.” He says, coaxing you to the front of the room with two fingers. You move quickly, something about the dominance he radiates right now overwhelming you. He gets up out of his chair, walking slowly to the door. “You know how much I enjoy your jokes,” he starts, locking the door, “but there is a limit. However, I do strive to be the best teacher I can be, Miss Y/N, and if one of my students needs help in a certain area of learning, I am willing to teach them.” He says, making his way towards you, the bottom of your ass already resting on his desk. “W-What do you mean?” You stutter, hoping that you understood him right. “Well, you asked me a question, darling. Do you want me to teach you?” He asks, his body now right in front of yours, towering over you as he presses himself against you. You can’t believe this is actually happening. All the tension between you two is at an all time high. You feel dizzy, the need for him to touch you in any way growing with every inhale of his scent, his cologne overpowering your senses. “Yes. Please, Sir.” You whisper.

Without hesitation, his lips find yours, the passion and hunger greater than that night, a newfound ferocity taking over as you wrap your arms around his neck, his hands gripping your thighs to lift you onto the desk. His hips nuzzle their way between your legs, your sundress riding up, making it easier for him to press against your core, your thin panties doing very little to conceal it. Small moans leave your throat, instantly swallowed by him, the kiss growing deeper and deeper by the second. Its not until he places his hands on your lower back, pulling you towards him to grind you against his growing bulge that you gasp loudly, tipping your head back and giving him access to your neck, which he gladly accepts, leaving wet, sloppy kisses all over he expanse of soft skin. You whine, moving your hips on your own in hopes of getting his attention. He hums against your neck, his hand moving from your back to your front moving your dress to cup your heat and rubbing you through your already slick panties. You’re speechless, the only response you’re capable of being whines and moans as he uses his knuckle to trace over your slit, pressing against your clit every now and then. Finally, you manage to form words, a small “please" escaping your lips. He pulls back, resting his forehead against yours as he looks down at your legs, slowly moving your dress up your thighs, your panties on full display for him. “And you’re absolutely sure this is okay?” He asks softly, tilting your head up by your chin to look him in the eyes, his other hand still rubbing your thigh gently. “Please, Namjoon. I need you. I’ve been craving you ever since you kissed me. I need you so bad.” You beg him.

“I know, baby. Me too. Seeing you in class every day dressed like this, wanting to taste your lips again, feel you on me, wanting to hold you and touch you and please you. Do you know what I’ve imagined? Hm?” His whispers in your ear, his fingers gently moving your panties to the side. “I've sat in this chair, teaching you and your classmates, just imagining how you feel. How you taste. Been dying to feel you around my cock, beautiful.” You gasp at his words, pure sin dripping from his lips. You can’t deny that you’ve thought about him too, your hand deep in your panties late at night as his name fumbled from your lips, imagining how nicely he’d stretch you out, how his soft lips would feel on your dripping cunt. Yet, as he slowly slide a finger inside of you, nibbling on your earlobe as he does, nothing could’ve prepared you for the feeling of intimacy you felt from him, the way he carefully pumps his finger in and out of you, twirling it around to make you feel all of it as he kisses your neck softly. This wasn’t the normal fucking you were used to. Even though it wasn’t the most ideal setting, you could tell there was something more. He leaned forward a bit, pushing you down to lay on the empty desk, your back arching as his finger reaches a new depth inside of you. His free hand roams your body, pulling the top of your dress down to expose your breasts, the lack of a bra delighting him. Another finger slips inside of you, his pace quickening as he grabs your breast, occasionally pinching your nipple, earning a needy mewl from you.

The way he curls his fingers in you has you losing your mind, your toes curling as your hips squirm, the slick sound of his movements making your cheeks red. His touch is driving you crazy, but you still crave more, the need to be stretched out even more unbearable. “Namjoon.” You moan, reaching down to grip his wrist. He stops, pulling his hand away from as he leans over your body, his clean hand ousting the strands of your hair out of your face. “What is it, baby?” He asks, concern laced in his voice. You sit up, running your hands over his chest, feeling the soft fabric of his shirt under your fingertips, the rigid lines of muscles hidden underneath tempting you. Curiosity takes over, your fingers moving to unbutton his shirt, his torso being revealed to you with every button. He stays silent, watching your movements as he rubs your thigh again, eager to figure out your next move. As you reach the last button, you pull the hem of his shirt out of his pants, now seeing the bulge in them properly, your mouth watering in anticipation. You’d love to have it in your mouth, but at the moment, you’re not sure if you have the patience for that. There’s always next time, right? “Need you.” You mumble, unbuckling his belt. A groan rumbles in his throat as you cup him through his trousers, his package a lot bigger than you had anticipated. “Well, I did promise to teach you where babies came from, didn’t I? What kind of teacher would I be if I didn’t follow through?” He chuckles, moving your hand away so he could pull his boxers down just enough for his cock to spring free, the large appendage bouncing as its released from its tight confines. You gulp, wondering if it’ll actually fit inside of you. You’re glad that you’ve been on birth control since you were 15, because right now you need to feel him inside of you.

He kisses you again as he grips himself, positioning himself at your entrance. “Are you ready, beautiful?” He asks, you nodding in response. The second he pushes into you is nothing like you’ve ever experienced. He moves slowly, the burn of your walls stretching around him making you lightheaded, but for him it was completely worth it. You wanted to be consumed by him, happy to let him claim you as his and not caring who knew. He groaned loudly into your ear, gripping the side of the desk as he fully sheathed himself inside of you. You’ve never felt like this before, never been so full in your life, and when he moves to pull back out, you bite your bottom lip to stop yourself from moaning loudly. “Ah fuck, you feel so good baby. Better than I ever imagined. Fuck.” He almost growled, pushing back into you as you gripped his shoulders, trying to steady yourself. As he starts to set a steady pace, you can already feel yourself losing control. He wraps his arms tightly around you, holding you as he pistons in and out of you, his gentle demeanor now gone as he fucks into you hard, leaving marks from his nails into your skin as you bite his shoulder, trying not to scream. “Fuck. So fucking tight and perfect. So fucking beautiful. Like you were -mmph- fucking made for me.” He groans in your ear, your whole body jolting with each  hard thrust of his hips. “Mm, fuck Namjoon. Feel so fucking good. Fucking me so good.” You moan into his ear, each sinful word giving him more bravado to give you exactly what you two have been craving since the bar. “Yeah? You like how I fuck you? What do you want, baby? Want me fuck you so hard you stumble out of this class room, huh? Want me to cum inside you so everyone can see the little trail of my cum dripping out of your dirty little pussy?” Holy fuck. You have never imagined that your uptight teacher was capable of such words, yet here he was, moaning them in your ear as if you were the only girl in the world as he fucked you senseless. “Oh, shit, please. I want it so bad. Wanna feel your cum. Fuck, Joonie.’ You whimper, your fingernails scrapping against his back. He lets out a loud moan, the nickname not going unnoticed as he grips your hips, pulling you onto his cock as he continues to destroy your insides. You can feel the heat building inside of you, his cock hitting your sweet spot perfectly. All you need is the small push over the edge. You lean back, reaching down between your bodies to feel your clit, rubbing it as he thrusts into you, the contact making you absolutely lose it. “Ah, shit, ah fuuuuck!” You whine, coming undone. It was powerful, washing over and making you see white. “Shit shit shit shit!” Namjoon grunted, pushing into you once more as you felt a warmth spread through you, his hips stuttering as he released into you. There was so much that with every slow thrust, small drips spilled out of you, leaving you a creamy, sticky mess.

You laid back on the desk, putting your hands above your head as you smiled, chuckling a bit at how good you felt. He leaned over you, resting his upper half on top of you as his cock softened inside of you. You wrap your arms around him, placing a kiss on the top of his head as he uses your breasts as a pillow, completely worn out. “Oh my god. That was, holy fuck.” He said between deep breaths, earning a giggle from you. “I know. Fucking amazing. Can’t believe I ever thought my own fingers could compare to that.” You joke, but he straightens up a bit, leaning on his hands, hovering above you. “Miss Y/N, did you touch yourself to the thought of me?” He asks, a cocky smirk on his face. “Maybe.” You tease, propping yourself up on your elbows. “Well then, I think next time you’ll have to show me how you did it so I can guide you properly on how to do it correctly.”

“Yes Sir.”

[riverleyk]

RECOVERED: Lost Mafia Kids files.

Mafia kids: 12 signatures as been my passion project all the way back since high school... like... 6 or 5 years ago? Oh my god... I'm getting old. This dates back to 2018.

CHAPTER 1

My high school years will be memories that I look over with more and more horror as I get older. At the time, I wasn’t afraid and I was too naive to realize the real danger I was in. However, I will never regret what I did. I was only trying to help.

It started with my dad losing his job. My family depended on him financially, my mom never worked too much, my brother, Kevin, was too young to even work, and even if I was old enough to work at the time, I didn’t want to and I felt as though I was allowed not to. Pretty selfish, right? But the minimum wage I could have gotten wouldn’t have helped in this situation; my family used to be rich, but once my dad was fired, we lost all the money and the benefits that came along with it. I assume it’s because my father liked to show off and so we were living above our means.

We moved to the slums of the big city, it was the most dangerous place in the area, but the cheapest. We stopped buying nice things like we used to, now we lived on bare essentials. Kevin took this hard, but I tried to adapt. I went to a new school too. It was the only school in the ghetto closest to our house, but it was infamous for being filled with child delinquents. Not only that, but it was infamously known as the worst school out there, in the poorest neighborhood.

I was so foolish… I really expected to be accepted there. In my old school, I was a bit bullied but I had a large group of friends, and we all got a long great! I was a really social and friendly person, so I wasn’t worried about going and making new friends in this hostile environment, but I was so, so, SO stupid!

From the second I walked in, I was stunned by how diverse it was there, there were few white people, and most of the kids there were racial minorities. I stuck out like a sore thumb… I went to school wearing my favorite rainbow pastel dress, I had even curled my hair and showered before my first day of school! I smelled of flowers and I was so cute looking. That however… That was my first mistake!

The others kids looked dirty… I don’t want to sound mean but they did! Their shirts were covered with stains. They seemed tired and unkempt. It was really a shocking contrast to the private school I went to before, but I tried not to judge. I acted super friendly and nice to everybody I saw. I introduced myself and I did a curtsy, I was so prim and proper!

“Hello there! My name’s Safara Grace, I’m new to this school. How are you?” Is what I’d say, but people seemed to hate me even more.

But not only that… I was white… Pure white. No, I don’t think you understand just how pale my skin is, it looks like I’ve never been outside before. Why? Because I’m an albino! Yes, my skin is pale, my eyes are purple and my hair is bleach white. Every time people see me, they look stunned and ask if I’m faking it. I’ve been dealing with this my whole life. I was born this way. Albinos are so rare, so the best way I can make you understand what my life is like on a daily basis is to make you imagine something…

So imagine you’re a kid… A black kid...going to school, but everybody there is white. They've never seen a black kid before and you are the only black kid around.

Imagine the bullying or the weird stares… Yeah! That’s my life all the time! Except I have no refuge with other albino people like the black kid does, I just have me! Being such a rare trait, I don’t even know another who looks like me… Oh and also, my skin is very irritable to sun light, so I walk around with a parasol all the time.

But anyways, I made no friends. For the first time ever, I was unable to make friends! I was heart broken and confused. I became very lonely. I hated this school so much… Everybody was so different… They hated me because I looked rich and I was so freakishly white. I told myself that the racism against me for being white was justified. I mean, white people were very racist in the past… But I soon stopped when I realized the few other white kids in the school weren’t getting bullied at all! Well… Except for one… I noticed this boy who always did group projects and sat alone at lunch like I did... He never spoke and nobody ever dared talk about him. I started hanging out with him, and I soon learned why…

CHAPTER 2

Yeah, that boy was creepy. He was tall, bone thin skinny, and he had extremely messy dark brown hair, tipped with gold. He was sort of attractive in the “I look almost dead inside but I’m super hot” kind of way. He wore a blue dress shirt with a grey hoodie on top. He was…strange.

He looked so tired with black bags hung under his eyes. His skin was gray and bruised all over. He had this depressing aura that lingered around him. To any normal person, just staring at him would send off red flags and make you stay away. To me though, a desperate and lonely teenage girl, he was perfect.

I quickly understood why everybody stopped bullying me when I started hanging out with him; they pitied me! They used to call me names and shove me into walls, but they stopped when I met him.

One day, a popular girl told me she would be my friend if I stopped hanging out with him. “Uh… why? I’m sorry but this sounds like a trap.” I replied to her, rolling my eyes.

“I know this looks cheap but I’m not kidding…”, she paused, “that guy is NUTS. He’s too weird for such an innocent li'l girl like you. Look, I promise to be nicer and I’ll tell everybody in school that you’re cool, but seriously…not him…hang out with anybody except him…”

“Why? Why is he so crazy to you?” I was so insulted by her pleas.

“Because he’s…he’s… I don’t know what’s wrong with him!”, she yelled at me. “The guy’s a fucking creeper and he’s unstable! Not only that, but rumors around school say that he’s addicted to the worst kinds of drugs, but nobody is even sure of that. Others say he’s mental, but it doesn’t matter what his problem is, he’s gonna rip you apart, Safari!”

“My name is Safara…”, I said in a dead pan tone. All I could do was walk away.

I think I did the right thing in that moment… That girl was a bitch to me. She spread lies around the school about my father and how he lost his job for cheating on my mom. Everybody believed it only because she was popular. I hated her and I wasn’t going to take her advice.

But, no matter how I spin it… She was absolutely right. Bonding with that guy was harder than I thought… More often than not, I felt uncomfortable around him. Getting him to speak was hard enough, he would ignore me and stay silent but when he did talk, it was…

IT WAS SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND HIM! He spoke like an emotionless robot! His tone of voice was this constant bored and tired tone, yet sometimes he’d say a joke or act sarcastic, but it wouldn’t make any sense because he sounded exactly the same as his normal tone!

It took me a whole month to get him to talk to me. I felt bad for pestering him around… I’d force my way into working with him during group projects in class, I’d eat with him at lunch, and I'd hang out with him in the library.

I remember the first time I got him to talk to me. I had opened up my sketch book and tried showing him my clothing designs. He looked at them blankly. He seemed uninterested at most of the drawings.

"They're pretty good.", he said in an uncaring tone.

"Oh...you...like them? For real?" I couldn't help but smile anyway.

“Yeah.” He replied simply. “You’re good.”

"Oh, thank you..." I pointed to my favorite ones. "You see how my dresses are colorful? Well, I do that just cause these days all the clothes are boring and black. I like making my stuff stand out, but I also like pastel colors too."

I assumed he didn't care because he sounded bored. Also he's was a boy. Boys don't like fashion like girls do.

He tilted his head slightly, "Yeah..I can see that.”. He sounded just as lifeless as ever.

I was surprised by this interaction, but after this he seemed to open up to me. He spoke to me about the things his liked; those being science and history, but he still didn’t talk much.

It was funny, because after a while I got used to him. I was able to read his sarcasm from his honesty even if the tone of his voice didn’t give any clues… I was so used to his weirdness that I stopped questioning him about all the bruises he had on his body. Heck, I even forgot that I didn’t know his name!

But luckily, one day he told me it out of the blue. We were in class working on a english oral presentation and we were both writing our parts and then he suddenly looked at me, straight in the eyes and said:

“Dimitrius Atkins.”

“What?”, I replied, not even bothering to look back at him.

“That’s my name. I know your name.” He replied. “But you don’t know mine… a-and that’s not fair.”

“Oh… You’re right! I sort of forgot about asking you after a while.”, I said, surprised. “Dimitrius… That’s an uncommon name..” “Please call me Dimitri though.” He corrected me with a monotone expression. “I don’t like Dimitrius.”

“Oh… why don’t you?”

“It sounds too serious. I’m a goofy guy. It’s not very fitting.”, he said seriously. How ironic.

I just giggled and went back to work.

From then on, we sort of became friends. The more he spoke, the more concern grew in me. He wasn’t crazy like everybody said he was, but there was something wrong with him.

He showed up to school with blood stains on his sleeves and scars all over him sometimes. I can’t forget the time he showed up to class late… He limped over to his desk, bruises all over his hands and he had a black eye. That was my wake up call. After that, I started noticing more.

I guess the first thing was his sarcasm. I assumed it was sarcasm.

“Hey Dimitri, what’s up!?”, I’d say excitedly.

“No… He’s not here right now.”, he’d reply.

Or other nonsensical replies.

“Hey Dimitri, for the project, do you want me to write the introduction or should I do the conclusion?”

“No, Safara, the world won’t have a conclusion.”, he said blankly.

“Dimitri, I mean the project!”, I exclaimed. “What are you talking about?”

“Yeah, it’s fine.” He said looking away from me.

These sort of situations would come out of nowhere. Like I said, I thought it was him being sarcastic or making jokes, but the more we talked, the more I realized: he wasn’t joking. He was giving me these nonsense answers because he thought they were appropriate but it just made no sense…

I asked my mother, a psychologist, about it. I told her everything about him.

“Oh Safara… Your friend sounds like he’s mentally ill.”, she answered with concern in her eyes.

“You sure? I know he’s weird but…”

“Safara, this sounds serious. Maybe you should invite him over someday… I would love to talk to him.”

“Ok mom, I will.” I told her.

CHAPTER 3

The day after, I went to school with a mission. I was going to invite Dimitri to my house! I was so anxious about it that my legs were fidgeting all day.

I saw him sitting at his usual spot, alone in the library, reading a book about robotics like he always did. His hair was combed that day, he looked good for once! Well, looking good for him is pretty easy. He just has to look like he wasn't beat up 10 minutes ago and had washed his hair in the past 20 years.

I walked over to him, and Dimitri greeted me!

“Hey there, angel girl.”, he quietly said. He sounded tired.

I was caught off guard. Was he complimenting me? I sat down next to him.

“Hey there. So…do you want to go out?”, I said jokingly. I wanted to see him get flustered. I was pretty disappointed when he just nodded and continued reading. I think I may have spotted his cheeks get a little flushed, however.

“No, I mean, do you want to eat dinner with my family this weekend?”

“No.” He said dryly.

“Oh… Do you want to hang out this weekend?” I tried again.

“Sure.”

“At my house?”

“No.”

“Then where do you want to hang out?”, I snapped at him impatiently. I was shushed by the librarian.

“At the park.”, he whispered back.

“Oh. Cool.” I was a bit surprised. I didn’t know there was a park near by. “See ya there then.”

“Bye.” He waved at me and very obviously forced a smile. “Dimitri... I’m not leaving.” I laughed quietly but the librarian heard it. He promptly kicked me out of the library.

I got up and walked out.

“Bye again.”, he said while waving at me. This time his smile seemed more genuine, which hurt me a lot.

I muttered curse words under my breath and walked out embarrassed. My mission was a failure, but I was going to meet him at the park that Friday after school, so I felt proud either way.

Friday night finally came. The wait was unbearable. We met outside of the school. He gave a look, but it was more like a blank stare. He gave me a signal to walk over to him. Once I was close to him, he said carefully,

“Watch out for people who follow us. The park is safe but the path there is dangerous.”

I was unsure of how to reply so I just nodded. He put up his hood and lead the way. I followed him, walking by his side, trying not to get my parasol in the way. I tried to make small talk, but he stayed mostly quiet.

He asked me about my family, so I told him why I moved here.

“That’s too bad.”. He sounded careless, like he didn’t mean it. “This place is a bad place to live in.”

“I… Yeah…”. I agreed with him but I felt bad doing so, knowing that he lived here.

Looking around me, I saw trash all over the streets. People weren’t dressed as well as they used to be back in my previous neighborhood. People looked tired or overworked. There were hobos all over the place. Not to mention the buildings looked old and worn down.

“This place is so different from where I used to live.”, I told him.

“This is what poverty looks like.”, he said bluntly, “everybody here is suffering.”

“I know…”. I was hurt just seeing it all. I felt so sad for these people. “I want to help them.”

“Don’t.”

“W-why not?”. I stammered over my words, shocked by his apathy.

“They just take and take. They will never get out of this.”. He looked at me blankly. “Nobody gets out of poverty once they fall into it.”

“But… what about me?!”, I said, insulted.

“Start getting a job. Save up.”. He looked around behind his shoulder. “You can dream too.”

I stopped talking to him until we reached the park. I didn’t like him being so mean but what he said had truth to it.

The park was surprisingly isolated. It was full of trees and trash littered the ground. It was peaceful and it looked like a forest with hiking trails.

“You like to walk?”, he asked emotionlessly.

“Yes, and I love nature too.”, I said smiling, pleasantly surprised by the beauty of the park. “There’s a lot of trash here but it’s still nice to have a forest in the middle of the city.”

“That’s good.”, he replied, “nobody likes to come here…”

“Oh? Why not? It’s so pretty!”

“Um… well.”, he started, “there was once a big mafia that was running this part of the city. They committed many crimes. This park used to be popular for kids in the summer, but then they realized that the mafia was burying their victims here…. A police investigation was launched and they dug up over 22 bodies…”

“Oh my god…”, I whispered.

“Exactly.” He nodded. “People weren’t allowed in during the investigation…but once it was over, people didn’t want to come back in here. I’ve only ever seen one other guy here.” “They are afraid… and for good reason.”

“And nobody wants to buy this land cause it’s “haunted” apparently.” He forces a small laugh like it’s funny. “I’ve been here a lot and I haven’t seen anything here.”

“Well… heh… I can’t say I’m exactly too thrilled to take a stroll in here now.” I joked even though it was half true.

He didn’t reply. He just started walking. We walked in silence for a bit. It was making me feel really uncomfortable. I started looking around the forest. We could still hear the cars whooshing past us, as the streets were just behind the tree line, but as we walked further and further away, the sound faded.

I felt at peace, listening to the rustle of the wind in the leaves and the birds in the trees.

As a city girl, I don’t go to forest that often. My closest experience to animals are the bird feeders in my back yard and the squirrels. This walk was giving me nostalgic memories of the times I went camping.

I turns to look at what was to my left and I jumped a bit, seeing Dimitri besides me was startling as he was so quiet I forgot he was there. Though now, I was staring at him…. subtly! So he wouldn’t notice… I spotted a couple of bruises on his hands, neck and a faded scar on his cheek. Now that I was up close to him, I could see there was a lot more signs of injuries on him then I had previously thought.

“Hey Dimitri…”, I mumbled to him timidly.

He almost robotically turned to look at me. “Yeah?”

“Sorry for asking this… It might be personal. Why do you have a lot of bruises on your skin?”, I asked him. Instantly regretting the invasive question, I stammered out another sentence. “It’s nosey of me, I know, but it’s a hard detail to miss. It’s concerning…”

He went back to looking in front of him. He didn’t reply for a solid minute. The silence and wait was unbearable.

“I just get into a lot of fights.” He answered simply.

“But how?” My interest was peaked.

“Well you know… it’s a bad neighborhood. Gangs are everywhere.” He turned to look at me. “You better be careful.”

The words lingered in my head, sending a chill down my spine. The way he said it, cold and uncaringly, sent implications that were not spoken. Was he…threatening to attack me? Or was he warning me of other people doing so? He creeped me out.

“T-thanks… I will.”

Finally we reached a small river that ran along through the city and this park. We stopped and Dimitri told me a story about how a kid drowned in it. He’s not a very cheerful guy but I tried to ignore it…

We sat along the edge of the river. There were ducks passing by. Dimitri pulled a whole loaf of bread out of his back pack and handed me a few slices.

“Do you always carry around bread in your bag?” I laughed.

“Yep.” He said throwing a piece of bread into the water.

I laughed even harder. “So you do this often?”

“Yep.”

A pack of ducks were gathered around us now, fighting over the pieces of bread we were tossing into the water. We fed the ducks together while chatting. Eventually the topic of family came up.

“Well… I have a little brother. He’s a little brat. What about you?”, I asked.

“I’m a single child.”, he said, concentrated on the ducks.

“Aw, that must be lonely, isn’t it?”

“It is… But not because of my lack of siblings.”, he answered robotically.

“Oh how so?” I was probing for more information.

“Well I don’t have a father… Um… no. I do have a dad, he’s just not around much at all. And my mom? I avoid her.” He said hesitantly.

“Why is your dad gone? Why do you avoid your mom?”, I asked, concerned for him.

He forced a smile and looked at me. “No. Everything is fine.”

“Dimitri…” I gave him my “I know you’re lying to me” face and his smile faded away back to his neutral expression.

“My mom isn’t a nice woman… And my dad is in prison.”

“Oh… I’m sorry.” I felt bad for pushing him to say it.

But a thought clicked in my head. He came to school everyday with bruises and cuts and he admitted that his mother wasn’t “nice”. Was this abuse?

“D-Dimitri… does your mom hurt?” I questioned.

“No.” He said simply.

“But you-”

“No.” he said a bit louder. “She doesn’t like me. But she doesn’t not like me either.” He said calmly. “Now stop asking me crappy questions.”

“I’m sorry…”

“It’s ok. I forgive you.”

We finished the bread and the ducks looked satisfied. They swam off and we walked off. He chatted a little back to the streets. I offered Dimitri the dinner invitation again and he accepted. We scheduled it, and I went home.

CHAPTER 4

It was the big day! Dimitri was gonna come over, we were going to hang out, eat dinner and somehow I’d persuade him to talk to my mom so she could figure out what was wrong with him.

I know I sound weird, trying to stalk him and get him diagnosed by my mom, but I obsessively want to help people and sometimes I take it too far. This is one of those times.

Dimitri showed up at our door. He was wearing a blue dress shirt and his hair was combed but still messy. He had a black eye and a bloody nose. He didn’t seemed fazed by it at all.

My brother heared the knocking first, unknowing of what our guest would look like. To his surprise, he was met by a disheveled young man at our door, standing like nothing was the matter. All he could do was stare.

Dimitri was so shy he didn’t say anything, just bleeding out of his nose. The blood was dripping down his face and leaking down his neck. He had just been seriously punched in the face, but my brother was too choked up and confused to know what to do.

“What the fuck happened to you!?”, Kevin yelled in disgust.

“I um..” He stammered. “I was mugged before coming here…”

Kevin just gave him a look of astonishment and ran into the kitchen to call for our mother.

Dimitri just let himself in. At that point I had heard the commotion and promptly came down the stairs. I froze up, seeing Dimitri bleeding like that.

“Hi Safara!” He waved cheerfully to me.

My mother came rushing in and bombarded the boy with questions, giving him a towel for his nose and a wet rag for his eye.

Dimitri seemed oddly perky. Usually, he was emotionless, making him come across as bored or slightly annoyed with everything. However, now he seemed to have a hint of happiness in his demeanor. I won’t ever complain about Dimitri being actually happy for once, but it was so different from his normal self that it weirded me out.

My mother, brother and I gave him a lot of attention while trying to help his wounds heal. He just sat there and gave us a small smile. He was giggling randomly from time to time. He seemed to be really enjoying himself even thought nothing much was happening.

“So what happened to you, eh?” Kevin asked.

“Oh... I was walking over here from my house. I was taking the back roads to avoid the traffic.” He started to explain.

“Back roads? Traffic? You were walking! How could there be traffic?” Kevin interrupted.

“I don’t like the big streets with too many cars…” He snarled. “Anyways… I passed by an alley way when a sketchy little girl jumped in front of me. She said something about me needing to go somewhere with her to meet somebody and to learn “about the past.” But I didn’t want to be late so I “kindly explained” to her that I needed to be somewhere and she got “upset” with me. Then, she punched me in the face and walked off.”

“That’s… odd.” I interjected. “Are you ok though?”

“Well I’m here aren’t I?” He smiles brightly.

I was just more unnerved. This was too out of character for him… But I tried to ignore it.

Dimitri was popular with my family. My dad and him made jokes together. My brother and him ran off to play video games. (By the way, he sucks at gaming. I would haven’t guessed he’d be terrible…)

My mother approached me.

“Safara, you said he was off, but he doesn’t seem like it now.”

“I know but he’s never acted like this before. He’s usually cold and apathetic to everything.” I turned to face her. “He’s like emotionless all the time and the other kids at school say he’s crazy and talks to himself. I don’t get it! He’s the complete opposite to how he asks at school.”

My mother just stared at me for a moment. “Have you noticed that he was giggling at nothing earlier?”

“Yes?”

“He’s high.” She said with a really serious tone.

“WHAT?” I gasped.

“QUIET! It’s only a guess… But I’ve seen this behavior before. He doesn’t have any redness in the eyes, though… So I don’t know what it is that he’s on. Oh, but there's also other factors. Maybe at school, he’s just really depressed and outside of school he feels more free to open up?” She hypothesized.

“That can’t be it. When we went to the park, he was acting the same.” I argued.

“Well then.” She rolled her eyes. “We should let him get comfortable and then we can get our improv therapy session, but only if he cooperates.”

The night went on. Dimitri's enthusiasm diminished so much so during the night that he was back to his emotionless self when dinner came around. He was so quiet that my family ignored him for the whole supper. He was extremely shy. I tried to talk to him but he would only nod his head in response to anything.

After dinner, he and I went up to my room. I gave him a “grand tour” which mainly consisted of me showing him my stuff and him just listening. He was barely talking. I felt bad.

“Dimitri… are you ok?”

He just nodded meekly.

“It’s ok if you aren’t. Do you want to go home?” I asked him, sitting down on my bed.

Dimitri sat down next to me. I started getting nervous and my heart was beating fast. He was so close to me I could feel his body heat radiating.

“No… I like it here a lot. Your new house is very lovely, Safara.” He answered quietly.

My heart started pumping faster. I was my shot to convince him to talk to my mother. I had to ask him!

“So Dimitri…”

“Yes!?” He interrupted me suddenly.

“My mom is a psychologist and I know you have some problems… I was wondering if maybe you could talk to her and she could help you, like a therapy session. You wanna try it?”

He just blankly stared at me. His face was draining of blood and he was losing color.

“Yeah… but she won’t talk to you about it, right?”

“Oh no! That would be breaking the confidentiality rules! She won’t tell me anything. Even if I asked her, she’s very serious about her job.”

“Uh… ok. But not now…” He hesitated.

“Oh that's alright.” I leaned over to put my head on his shoulder.

I felt him shutter from the touch but he didn’t move away from it. He posed his head on mine and we sat like this for a while. It was peaceful and warm. I closed my eyes and held his hand. His palms were sweaty and he was trembling a bit.

“Do you mind?” I asked.

“No.” He answered.

“Good.” I held his hand tightly.

“I d-didn’t think this was a date.” He stammered.

“It’s not…”

“Then why are you doi- holdi- uh… UMM-”

“Sorry.” I back away and let go. “I’m just a huggy person. I hope you don’t mind.”

“I’m just…” he shivers a bit. “Not used to getting touched affectionately.”

“Oh Dimitri.” I giggled. “I don’t really consider this affection, I just think of hugs as casual things friends do.”

“Oh ok.” He replied.

We watched a little bit of TV, not saying much. After the episode ended, He got up and walked out. I thought he was going to the bathroom and he’d come back quickly but he never did.

After 20 minutes, I left the room and looked around.

Kevin was in the kitchen, sneaking cookies out of my parents’ secret spot for them.

“Hey bro, where’s Dimi?” I asked him, taking a cookie for myself.

“He’shh- wiff mom.” He said, mouth utterly stuffed with cookies.

“Thanks.” I put the cookies away and I went back to my room to wait for him.

I think Dimitri stayed there for 2 hours. I was watching the TV for a ridiculously long time. When he did come back, he looked drained.

“Sorry about that. I was expecting a little chat but I couldn’t shut myself up so I started ranting for a while.” He explained.

“Oh it’s ok. It is therapy.” I excused him.

He smiled and hugged me. I was taken aback but I held him tightly. I could feel his body. He was so frail and skinny under those clothes. It was calming for that half a second we that were close.

Then he left.

I felt so lonely with him gone.

But then I realized…

“SHIT! WE SHOULD HAVE GIVEN HIM A RIDE HOME!”

CHAPTER 5

Nothing changed much at school. Dimitri was his typical robot self. There is one thing that was very welcomed though… Dimitri seemed to be forcing himself to act more. He would talk with more hand gestures and smiles (but his smiles were very awkward looking because he was forcing them).

Dimitri also became really friendly with my family. He would come over once a week after his first session with my mother. She really liked talking to him.

Neither Dimitri or my mother told me what they would talk about, but I knew it was serious. She would walk around with her note book after the sessions and often times, she’d be the one to invite him over.

One day, I knew something was up. She sat me down to talk about him.

“Safara, what has he told you about his life?” She asked me with a sternness in her voice.

“Not much…” Then I repeated all that he told me.

“I see. He is trying to hide it…” She flipped through her notes. “I can’t tell you much, with out his consent, but Dimitri allowed me to tell you this yesterday.”

“Oh…” I could feel that what she was about to say really important.

She looked me dead in the eyes and straightened her glasses. “He’s been diagnosed with schizophrenia when he was 15 years old.”

A wave of shock zipped through my body. I was speechless.

“He has vivid hallucinations. Safara, that’s why he acts emotionless.” She told me.

“But what about when he comes here and acts all… alive?” I asked, completely baffled.

“That I don’t know.” She sighed. “But Safara, I want you to be extremely careful with him.”

“I am!”

“No… just…” She smiles at me. “Please keep being nice to him. You mean a lot to him.”

I blushed and nodded.

“That’s all I’m allowed to say. You should try to talk to him about his issues. He trusts you to keep these a secret, however. You got that, right?”

“Yes mother, I understand.” I got up to leave.

“Wait! I forgot to mention something.”

I sat back down.

“Would you mind if Dimitri lived with us?” She asked me.

My eyes widened. “You aren’t serious, are you?”

“I am. He has a bad home life, and I know that one of the only ways he can get better is by having a better family, so I asked him if could move in with us. It will be temporary, like maybe a few months or so.” She explained, justifying her decision. “I’ve already spoken to your father about this and he agrees. Dimitri wouldn’t be that huge of an addition to the family, we’d just need more food and that’s it.”

“Oh I don’t mind but don’t adopt him, ok? It would be weird to have a brother that looks so different from us.” I joked.

“Oh but that's what adoption is all about, sweetie! And he isn’t that different from us. I mean you are the most different of us all.” She touched my hair and poked my cheek, giggling the whole time.

This gesture really annoyed me. “...Thanks mom. But also, I just don’t want another brother. Kevin is enough of a brat as it is.”

“Dimitri’s a sweet young man” She said as she was getting up. “Anyways, I’m going to tell Kevin the news.”

I went back up to my room and I could hear my li'l bro wailing down stairs. He cried, “BUT THAT’S TOO MANY PEEEEOPLE!”. I snickered to myself.

CHAPTER 6

Dimitri came up to me at school the next day. He asked me if my mom told me the stuff and about the “news”.

“Oh. I’m so happy to be moving in with you.” He forced a smile but still sounded monotone.

“Me too! We’d get to hang out all the time!” I hugged him from excitement.

Dimitri grabbed me and spun around with me in his arms. He gently put me down. I looked up at him, confused but I saw a genuine smile on his face and my heart melted.

Dimitri being HAPPY is the cutest thing ever.

“Sorry. I’m just so excited.” He shook my hand for some reason. “I’ve just always wanted to leave home.”

“Oh… why?” I asked with concern.

“Well uh… Never mind!” He suddenly laughed awkwardly. “But yeah I’ll tell you in private. By the way, I’m sleeping in your basement.

“I’m really happy for you though.” I held his hand as we walked off to class. I didn’t care if the other students were watching. Dimitri seemingly lost his enthusiasm and got really quiet after that.

CHAPTER 7

Moving Dimitri into our basement wasn’t that hard and it didn’t take long. All he had was trash bags full of his clothes, a box that was full to the brim, labelled “parts”, and a mattress he used as a bed. All we did was put his stuff down and he organized it by himself.

Two hours later, he went up to my room. “Want a room tour, Saf?”

“Sure!” I went down the stairs alongside him.

His bed was just a mattress on the floor with a pillow and blanket. There was a desk that was particularly lacking the normal desk-clutter, and a simple wooden chair. My parents emptied out a shelf and he put his clothes there. There were no doors on the shelf so I could see his shirts, pants, and (Oh my gosh!) boxers! (Is it pervert to stare at a guy’s underpants??? It made me super uncomfortable to see those!)

Dimitri’s box of parts was untouched in the corner. All in all, the room was pretty small but it still had looked like he barely filled it. I walked over to his box and pointed at it.

“Need help unpacking this?” I asked.

“Oh!” He stared. “No. Don’t touch that, it’s fragile.”

“Ok, sorry.” I said. “So how do you like your new crib?”

“Super cool. I never really cared for the decorations, as long as it’s warm and I can eat and sleep, I’ll be fine.”

“Neat. So what now?” I asked.

He scratched his chin and looked up. “I don’t know. Want to watch a movie?”

“Sure! I just got a new horror movie from the store. I think it’s a slasher flick of something. I got it for my brother but he was too scared to watch it. I’m not a fan of those movies but I liked to get scared every once in a while. What do ya' say?”

He just went flush red and became really quiet. “Oh uh…” He scratched the back of his head. “Um… Ok.”

“What? You don’t like horror?” I asked, seeing how uncomfortable he was.

“N- I do like that. Let’s watch it.” His smile was meant to reassure me but it was so obvious it was forced.

So we went to my room to watch the movie. I really embarrassed with how much I yelped at each jump scare. Oh, and how I needed to cover my eyes during the violent scenes! Though, Dimitri barely had reaction. He was blushing from ear to ear and biting his lower lip. He would flinch during the fight scenes but, yeah. That was it. I thought he would be judging me for being a wimp! But half way through he got up and left, so I finished without him.

A hour later, I went downstairs to his room. I knocked on the door and he yelled. “It’s unlocked.” I walked in to see him fiddling around with metallic parts and tools. I approached cautiously.

“What are you doing?” I questioned, tilting my head to the side.

“Tinkering.” He replied expressionlessly.

I watched him open up the box to pull a toy robot he was going to disassemble. He leaned over to take a screw driver and started to remove pieces from the toy.

I leaned over to get a closer look. “Why are you breaking it?”

“I’m not breaking it.” He replied calmly. “I’m taking it apart… and rebuilding it.”

“Oh, why?”

“Well, it helps me understand how it’s made and the techniques they used.”

“Oh that sounds neat. You like making robots?” I asked him, overly interested in what he was doing.

I sat down next to him. He just looked at me and said nothing. I think he was confused but yet again, he had no emotion. Just his regular expressionless glare. His eyes felt like they were piercing deep into my soul… those glass-like, grayish-blue eyes. They creeped me out.

“Tell me about your robots, Dimitrius.” I muttered. “I’m curious…”

He raised an eye brow for a second but then went back to tinkering.

“So I like making stuff with my hands… Though, I have a whole system for it.” he paused and looked at me again. “You don’t mind me rambling?”

“Oh, Dimitri...you barely talk. I like your voice! Go ahead.” I encouraged him to go on.

“So uh…” he forced a smile. It was so cute. “I like making my own custom robots for tournaments and stuff, but I’m not that good at making my own parts, so I take them from other bots that I buy.”

I listened, completely fascinated in it. His voice was monotone and boring but he sounded calm. As he went on, there was a hint of happiness with him being able to talk about his passion.

“I take them apart then I rebuild them.” He continued. “...W-with out instruction manuals. The point is to know the purpose of all the parts, where they go, and how they work. I repeat breaking them down and building them back up again until I know the bots perfectly.”

“Is it time consuming?” I tilted my head and picked up one of his tools.

“It is but it depends on how complex the model is. Though, once I understand the bot perfectly, I can take its pieces and use them to make my own bot… or if I like the robot, I mod them to make them more efficient or stronger. Whatever I feel like doing to it, basically.” He took the piece from my hand. “This is a screw driver….”

“Oh my god! You think I didn’t know what a screw driver was!” I laughed at him but I stopped when I saw that he looked nervous.

“Sorry, Dimitri. I like what you do with the robots. It’s really cool.”

“Thank you…” He replied timidly.

Suddenly the door opened, and someone appeared from the newly escaping light. Dad. He sternly yelled, “SAFARA! IT’S BED TIME.”

I called back to him, "I'M COMING, ONE SECOND!". I gave Dimitri a hug.

“Good night, Dimi!”, I said as I was running up the stairs.

Dimitri just stares at dad, mouth agape. His cheeks were the reddest I've ever seen. “Y-you too, angel…” He stammered and muttered.

SIDE CHAPTER 1

-MONSTERS-

A woman paced around the room and stopped in front of a mirror hung up on the wall, putting on a pearl necklace. She grabbed a comb and brushed over the bangs of her long, silky, brown hair. She was very tall and slim. Like a stick, she adorned barely any curves. As she stared at herself in the mirror, she smiled. She was all dressed up in all of her best clothes.

A man walked into her room. He was smiling. Wearing a suit with a green tie, matching with the color of his eyes. He was giving a piggy back ride to his son, a cute little boy with short blond hair.

The woman walked up to him and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

“Are you two ready to go to church?”, she asked with her sing song voice.

“Of course.”, the man replied with a wink and smile. “How’s his outfit?”

The lady examined her son’s clothing then she nodded.

“Yes, it’s good.” She walked out. “Come along now! We don’t want to be late for our lord.”

Behind her back, the man rolled his eyes and put his son down. Once on the ground, the toddler stumbled toward the front door.

The car ride over to the church was pretty uneventful. The little boy wasn’t listening to his parents bickering in the front, he was fascinated by the trees rolling by, yet the clouds being seemingly suspended and frozen in the sky. He held out his hands and tried to grab the birds, freely flying across the beautiful blue sky.

Once inside the church, the little boy held his mother’s hand and followed her. The outside of the church was colossal and grand. It towered over the little boy. A statue stood over the entrance. It was of winged humans saving Earth's people from certain doom while the rest had already met their demise. They all wore faces filled with utter terror, as they were burning and being eaten by horrifying monsters. Each time the boy saw this statue, he’d start to cry and his parents would scold him for it. This time would be different! He put on his brave face and stared down the statue as he walked in, but he held back the tears. His mother and father didn’t notice.

Once inside, he thought he was going to have an easier time, but he had forgotten that inside there were monsters here too. Big paintings of the monsters were hung on the walls. Luckily, they were much less scary than the statue.

They sat down and listened to a man in a robe speak. The boy was so bored that he fell asleep, lying his head down on his father’s lap. Each time they needed to stand or sing songs, his mother would elbow him really hard in the shoulder to wake him up. It always happened like this. He’s come home with bruise on his shoulder and it didn’t matter where he sat, his parents forced him to sit in the middle of them so that they could watch his behavior better. He was used to it by now, but sometimes he’d cry on the way back home. He wasn’t allowed to cry at church, people would stare.

He was ecstatic it when they sang the songs, though. He loved to sing. He'd yell out the lyrics of the hymns as loud as he could so he could drown out all the other voices. It was the point of the game for him.

Eventually, his mother took his hand and walked up to the display area. He was confused, they only let people walk up there to get the bread and wine. He wasn’t allowed to go up there because he didn’t have his First Holy Communion yet…

She picked up him in her arms. He was heavy since he wasn’t exactly her little baby anymore, but she could still manage. While in her arms, he stared back at the crowd. Everybody was staring at him and her. He felt a pressure build up in his chest and he wanted to run but he couldn’t. She was holding on too tightly.

He stared up at the wall that was behind the crowd, it had a massive painting of a winged human with a shiny circle around their head. They were impaling a red monster with big horns and a tail. It was like the statue but, much more scary and gruesome!

He felt tears welling up in his eyes and he squirmed to get away. Suddenly, his mom lowered him and submerged his head under water. The few seconds he spent under there felt like an hour, but he was soon pulled out.

He coughed violently for a while after. The pastor gave him a speech he could barely hear or focus on.

The car ride home was terrible. He was so scared of the monsters and confused by the water. He sobbed quietly, trying not to bother his parents who were still bickering to each other.

CHAPTER 8

Dimitri became accustomed to living with us after 3 weeks of residing here. However, he was really weird about being seen with me outside of the house. I took the bus to school but he’d still walk there. When he did take the bus, he would avoid me like the plague and get off at completely random stops.

It was obvious that he was paranoid. Constantly looking over his shoulder, keeping a distance from people when he could, and when he had to be around people, he had his hood up and ignored everyone. Being invisible was his goal. I hated it.

He was hiding something from me.

Thursday night, after school. Dimitri went to the basement and I went to my room. I was finishing up my homework when I got stumped by a math problem. I went down to see him, hoping he could help me out.

I slowly crept down the stairs to his room. I caught him at his desk working on robots and wearing glasses. I rarely ever see him wear them, but I really liked them. It made him look so sophisticated and intelligent. He was already really smart, but it made him look the part too.

He looked up at me as I got closer.

“What’s up, angel girl?” He asked.

I giggled. “Oh, why do you keep calling me that?”

“Because you are an angel.” He smiled.

My heart melted. Usually, he was so robotic in his actions and speech but it was so cute to see him smile with out forcing it.

I pulled up a chair and sat next to him. I asked him for help with the homework and he effortlessly solved it, and then taught me the process step-by-step. He was much more help than the teacher was. After we solved that one, we just kept going through all of the other questions I didn't get.

After that was done, I didn’t want to leave him just yet. I liked his company.

“Hey Dimitri… Thank you.” I hugged him.

He didn’t say anything, he just gave me a small smile and nodded. He put his arms around me and I felt his heart beating fast in his chest. I let go of him after a few seconds.

“I was wondering though…” I began to explain to him that I thought weird to be so paranoid out in public and I was wondering why he acted that way.

He was visibly nervous, he started tapping his fingers on the desk and darting his eyes around.

“I can’t tell you… It’s better if people don’t see us hanging out in public… I tried to get you to avoid me at school but you didn’t get the message so I gave up.”

“But why?” I asked, confused as ever.

“You’ll throw me out of the house if you knew- He paused. ...You’d hate me…Oh, Safara.. I’m so sorry.” He was expressionless but hints of remorse were seeping in.

“Dimitri… You can tell me anything. I won’t ever hate you.” I put my hand on his shoulder.

He sighed. “Safara. I’m targeted. I’m dangerous. Being around me might make you targeted too. I don’t want you to be hurt, so I try to avoid you and others in public.”

“I-I'm not following. Can you explain more?"

He bowed his head in shame. “I’m the son of Tony Drey. Remember the story I told you at the park? It was about him.”

I gasped. “You’re father was a mob boss?!”

He nodded. “Yeah… He did terrible things… He’s infamous throughout this entire city. His claim to fame was being elected to office as representative of this district of the city. He was passing laws that corrupt the governmental system. He was a well known anarchist and his plan was to dismantle all government. Though, he did much, much, more before that.

He did pretty much everything. Prostitution, drug dealing, robbery, scamming, and yes… he murdered people. He didn't do it himself, though… At least I don’t think he did.

It’s complicated. Basically, he was the leader of his own gang, but it was well organized, so calling it a gang would be an insult. It was a full blown mafia and criminal organization. Everything was run by him and he had loyal followers.

Then he was caught… Put on trial and sent to jail. That's when a woman came out saying that they were seduced by him and had his kids. My mother was devastated but whatever, fuck her.” He said the last part with hatred staining his words.

“Anyways, he was imprisoned and put on death row. He’s still there. He has to serve his 20 year term before he does.” He continued on. “And you’d think my troubles and there but they don’t. That fucker and I look the same!”

I pulled out my phone and quickly googled Tony Drey and I found his mug shot. What stunned me the most is that Dimitri was completely right. They were very similar, but there were some obvious differences too. Tony had green eyes, opposed to Dimitri’s blue, with dark black hair that was beginning to turn white, Dimitri’s was brown. Their haircuts were different, Dimitri’s was longer and a lot messier. Not to mention his dad had stubble and, well, Dimitri was lacking there.

“Yeah… He sure does look like you. Family resemblance…” ////*********************/////

“Exactly. But yeah my looks cause a lot of problems… You see, his followers want me to take his place because that his “official” son would be the heir to the throne and It pisses me off. I don’t want to be that. I want to be a police officer to put sickos like him

in prison where they belong. But not only do I have weirdos forcing me to give them orders, but I also have other people trying to kidnap me for ransom, and some who just want to kill me. So ya know the bruises and cuts on my body when you see me at school?”

I nodded weakly.

“That’s them starting fights with him and I need to protect myself. I fight back. That’s why I can’t have anybody hand out with me ever. But…” He avoided eye contact with me. “It’s so lonely isolating yourself from every one… I longed for somebody to confide in and you came to me. I wanted you to go but I wanted you there with me. It was a guilty pleasure to have you around.” He blushed a little. “I really appreciated our little chats, but I was so shy I could barely talk to you… and now I’m living with you. It’s a dream come true to have a friend like you with me Safara.”

“Oh Dimitri… That’s so sweet.” I was so touched. I was smiling and blushing hard.

“But yeah… I couldn’t bare to see my angel get hurt. You can’t be with t school or in public. I think people are watching me… And once they find out we’re friends they’ll try to hut you so they can hurt me. People are cruel, Safara, they’d attack you even if you are innocent.”

“But Dimitri, you can’t just let them rule over your life like this. You should call the police and get on the witness protection program!”

“You think I haven’t tried that? The cops in this city don’t care. This district is so corrupt, nobody cares about anything you do. That’s how my dad got into power, that’s why the crime rate is so high here.” He rolled his eyes.

“What if I helped?” I shot up the idea suddenly.

“And how would you do that?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Dimitri, what if I could fight along side you? You can’t fight them alone. They’ll over power you someday.” I held his hand in mine and squeezed it. “You said you didn’t want me to get hurt, well, I don’t want you to get hurt or killed either. I want to protect you…”

He was speechless for a moment. He was touched by it obviously because his whole face turned red and he didn’t look at me in the eyes for the rest of the conversation.

“I can’t let you fight for me… If you get hurt, it’s my fault. But… I like the idea.”

“You could train me how to fight! I took karate classes as a kid and self defense!” I pleaded with him.

“I can’t teach you but I can bring you to the guy who taught me… But Safara, this is serious. You sure about it? It’s painful and it will take a lot of time for you to get good.” He explained with a dead pan tone.

“I want to be there for you Dimitri.”

I sealed myself to him in that moment and from then on, we were stuck together.

I was his and he was mine. I was naive. I saw a troubled young man who’d lived a hard life and I just wanted to save him. He called me his angel, and I felt the burden of living up to that title. I didn’t know what I was getting myself into. I wasn’t ready but I didn’t care. I was there to help. That’s what I thought I was doing.

Little did I know then, but the time Dimitrius and I would spend together would be the worst years of my life because from that day forward, I was brought into his suffering and I would not drown and suffocate in it until out mission was over.

That was the day I became an honorary mafia kid.

SIDE CHAPTER 2

-CRYING-

His mother stopped giving him attention. He’d come home to the sound of weeping or sobbing. At first he didn’t understand. He thought that once people reached adulthood, they stopped crying. He was hoping that would the case for him at least.

He knocked on on his mother’s bed room door. She ignored him, the crying just got louder, so he let himself in.

“Mommy, why are sad?” He whined as he walked over to her.

She was hunched over on the bed, pulling out her hair. She turned to look at him. Her face was so ugly when she cried. Tears staining her pillow and her face showing all the pain she feels inside. The little took a few steps back, frightened by his own mother’s appearance. Gestured to him to come closer. He hesitated but he did so. He sat next to her on the bed and he hugged and caressed his dirty blond hair.

“Dimitrius… Sometimes adults get sad too. Everybody has a different way of coping with sadness.” She explained.

“What’s coping?” He asked.

“Everybody is different and everybody needs to take of themselves.” She brushed off his question. “Mommy needs alone time, dearest.” She kisses him on the forehead.

He got off the bed. “So you want me to leave you alone?”

“Yes dear… I’ll come out and tell you when I feel better, ok?”

“Oh… Ok mommy!” He said as left the room, closing the door behind.

He waited for her to get better.

She never did.

CHAPTER 9

Dimitri Brought me to see one of his dad’s followers. The man was a huge muscular black guy named “Mufa” but I’m pretty sure that wasn’t his real name because he greeted Dimitrius by called him “Damien” instead. Also, he told me that I wasn’t allowed my real name on the streets. I had difficulty coming up with a new name for myself but Dimitrius comforted me and said it was ok for me to take time to think it over. I eventually settled with “Sophia”.

The first time was just basic training for fighting. It was pretty fun. On the way home after it, Dimitri was acting all nervous.

“Hey, um, are you sure about this? You really wanna go back to training?” He asked.

“Yes! Let’s go back twice a week, ok?” I set up our routine and Dimitri just nodded.

That’s what we did together from then on. School, hanging out and training with Mufa. It was so difficult for a while. My body ached but Dimitri was so supportive and he cheered me on. He was always there watching me from the side lines.

One day, we were walking to the candy store after the training when suddenly, a man hit Dimitri in the back with an empty bottle of wine. I jumped when I heard the hard “THUD” and Dimitri’s sharp gasp. It was happening! My first fight. Dimitri coughed and turned around. It was the bottle brothers.

Mufa had mentioned that the bottle brothers were two men from the opposing gang. They used bottles of wine as their weapons, they duel wielded them, using them as basic melee weapon.

The man swung at Dimitri again but this time, he took a step back and got out of the way. I was shaking, distancing myself from them. They ganged up on him. I was so helpless, watching them battering Dimitri.

He got a chance to grab the bottle out of one of their hands and he smashed it on the other brother’s head. I screamed as the bottle shattered in half. He fell to the floor, blood pooling all over with shards of glass all over the ground. This brutality shocked the brother and he froze watching his partner fall to the ground: that was his fatal mistake. Dimitri spun around with the broken bottle griped firmly in his hand and stabbed him in the stomach with the sharp broken part of the bottle.

I couldn’t stand it anymore. I ran off and headed towards the park. Once there, I stopped to take a second to breath. Suddenly, my face was in the dirty. It happened so fast I couldn’t even scream.

“OHMYGODSAFARAAREYOUOK?” Dimitri spoke so fast in panic as he grabbed me by the waist and picked me up.

I was violent yanked off the the ground and held tenderly in his arms. He was trembling as he wiped the dirt off of my face.

I was stunned. I opened my eyes and I could see him, but it was blurry. It took me a few seconds for his anxious face to come into focus.

He swallowed some of his anxiety and held me tighter. “Are you ok? I d-didn’t mean to run into you.”

“Uh-huh.” I nodded slowly. The motion of my head bopping like that made me dizzy.

“Y-you started running after I was done with those guys.” He said.

“No. I’m ok.” I tried talking but it came out raspy and quiet. “I was just scared.”

He nodded and lifted me up. He threw me up into the air and I fell on my back into his arms.

He forced a reassuring smile. “I dealt with them. Let’s go home.”

He walks out of the park carrying me around bridal style. I was really confused by this but my head to much for me to question it.

As we walked home, people stared at us. They gave us weird looks. I glared back at them. Dimitri was doing something nice and people were staring at him like he was kidnapping me. I looked up at his face. He had no emotion on his face. I wasn’t sure if he was noticing it too and didn’t care or if he was oblivious.

I put my arm around his shoulders and hugged him for the rest of the walk.

“Dimitrius…”

“Don’t call me that.” He glared down at me.

“Sorry. My mom once told me you have schizophrenia.” I said.

“Oh? What else did she say?”

“You were diagnosed with it when you were 15.” I curled up to him. “That’s all I know.”

“Oh. Well what about it?” He sounded almost offended, but with him, any tone he has in his voice is best to be left ignored. He always sounds like a robot or a chronically annoyed mumbling teen age boy.

“You hallucinate. Mom said that… Do you hear voices?”

“Um.. Not exactly. Sometimes what people say to me gets mixed up, I mean, they’ll say something and I’ll hear the words out of orders.” He explained.

“What’s it like being schizophrenic?” I asked.

“I don’t know. I’ve had it for such a long time that I’ve gotten used to it.” He replied.

“Oh but what do you hallucinate?”

“Well I can’t tell you that.” He forced a small laugh. It was cute. “You’d think I’m crazy.”

“I’m curious though and I won’t judge you.” I reassured him.

He gave me a cautious look, like he was unsure. I gave him puppy dog eyes and that convinced him. He stoped walked and pointed at a group of men.

“Well, right there, there are 3 demons talking to each other.” He said.

“Demons? There 3 guys.”

“They are all black and shadowy. They have arrow shaped tails and big horns. Their eyes and mouths are like light poking through the darkness.” He described as he continued walking.

“So… You seem demons.”

“Yep. Every stranger is a demon to me.”

“Was I a demon when we met?” I asked, kneading my fingers in his hoodie.

“Yes.” He looked down at me. “But you turned into an angel as we got to know each other.”

“Wait what? I’m an angel?” I raised an eyebrow.

“Well aren’t you?” He said with concern.

“I’m a human, Dimitri.”

“B-but you have wings and a halo, you’re so beautiful and shiny… you’re an angel.”

My heart fell into my stomach but I also felt the butterflies fly around in there too. I didn’t know if Dimitri think this about me would be dangerous or if I should be flattered.

“Do you really see me like this?” I asked trying not to sound nervous.

“Yeah. All the time.”

“Hey Dimitri, do you know that your hallucinations aren’t real, right?”

He glared at me. No filter, no held back emotions, he looked actually angry. For real.

“You can walk.” He said and dropped me at on the ground.

I fell down right on my butt. He stepped aside and walked away. It really hurt but seeing him leave me hurt more. I jumped up and I was about to yell at him but I stoped. I lowered my fist.

I remember what my mother said to me. To be careful with him.

Schizophrenics can be really dangerous if you don’t treat them right…

I cocked my head to the side and grinned. Just trying to push it aside. I walked up to him.

“I wonder what it’s like to see how you see the world… It must be interesting.” I said cheerfully, but I was trying not to punch him with all my might.

He looked up. “I could show you, but it’s a little risky.”

I snapped out of my anger and stared at him in confusion. “Wait… How?”

“I did it once before, but if we do it, you need to follow my instructions very carefully.”

“what do we have to do to achieve it?”

“Well, it’s like a ritual… It helped you see inside of the other person’s head. You drink some water in a dark room and the person who want to share their mind has to describe everything to the other person.” He paused for a second and stared at me. “It relies on imagination.”

“Oh… so it’s not actually going into somebody’s mind?” He smirked “No that’s scientifically impossible, but this ritual is as close to it as it gets. Do you want to try it?”

“Sure, why not?” I shrugged.

“Ok! I’m gonna run off to the store and buy some candles. Go home with out me, ok?” He said as he ran off.

“Dimitri! Wait!” I called out to him but he was already gone.

[taeguboi]

BTS Crush On You: Truth or Dare [Jungkook version]

Crush On You: RM // Jin // Suga // J-Hope // Jimin // V 

Care Package To You: RM // Jin // Suga // J-Hope // Jimin // V

New Fiction Masterlist here

The initial scenario

Tonight had been planned for ages. You, all your girl friends and the boys. Everyone had been so busy lately with their heavy schedules of work, studying, the lot and everyone agreed that on the next night they were all available, you’d have a sleepover at one of your friend’s shared student houses (which was to be free with it being the holidays,) just like old times and to take time out from your young adult lives.

For some reason, you were never too old to be playing the classic game of truth or dare. In the spacious living room, already in your pyjamas, the group of you sat in a wide circle, some on the floor, some on the sofa, and sleeping bags were scattered everywhere. Many drinks had been consumed and now a space in the middle had been cleared for one of your empty bottles.

One of your friends spins the bottle and you all watch to see who it chooses….

Truth

“Truth” Jungkook decides the moment the bottle stops in this direction.

Jungkook wasn’t actually in the mood for much truth telling this evening as he engaged in this game of truth or dare with this friends. At first, he was super excited about this sleepover idea to catch up with some of his best friends, but then something happened that made him feel tense.

Maybe it was the busy schedule not allowing him much time to think of anything else or maybe it was just that he hadn’t thought about it before really but... Well, a few weeks ago, he’d met up with you for a coffee and a chat when you were both on a lunch break working nearby and had time to spare.

It was just a normal situation; two friends meeting up to catch up and take a short amount of timeout from their busy lives. At the time, it was a normal situation to Jungkook as he spoke to you about his week and he listened to what you had to say about yours.

Then a few days later, he daydreamed in the middle of work about your meet up thinking ‘ahh I miss being able to get more little opportunities like that to see friends...’

...and then a day or two after that, he was thinking about how funny a joke you made was and it made him giggle like a little girl just thinking about it sat on his own at home...

...and then a day after that, he found himself daydreaming yet again. This time though, he sort of weirded himself out. At first, he was thinking about the coffee and the chat... but then his brain made up a scenario in which he kissed you before you went back to work / studying.

He shook his head and told himself it was his imagination getting carried away because maybe life right now felt a bit boring and his mind wanted something interesting to happen.

It got to the point where thought of you fondly with a smile every day. He was excited about the sleepover just to see you... not that he would admit that to anyone and not even fully admit that to himself. Two days before though, he found himself becoming nervous at the idea of this sleepover.

Would you all be playing the same games as before? Would it just be a movie marathon? Was this sleepover going to entail anything in which his heart would pound out of his chest from his nervousness?...

Then just hours before arriving to the friend’s house, he realised it wasn’t a nervous feeling inside at the idea of sitting next to you on the sofa whilst watching movies, or the idea of his friends getting to kiss you for a dare... 

His inner voice freaked a little “oh my god! I have a crush on y/n!”

“Right guys...” says y/f/n. “What deep dark secret do we want to know about our Kookie?”

“I have no ‘deep dark’ secrets” smiles Jungkook confidently. He wasn’t dumb enough to reveal that much about himself to his friends. As one of the youngest of the group, whenever Jungkook had announced or confessed something in the past, everyone would tease him. Not in a horrible way, just things like ‘aw he’s all grown up!’ and ‘bless him!’

Yeah, no, not tonight he thinks.

“Alright then” interrupts Hoseok. “The last person you met up with outside of work and not including this sleepover tonight; they are standing right in front of you, naked in all their glory and... you’re trapped in a lift with them. What do you do? Go!”

Jungkook has a think about the last person he met outside of work commitments... 

“Wait, wait a minute... Why would someone be naked in a lift?” laughs Jungkook.

“They just are! Come on Kookie, don’t hold up the game” Hoseok chuckles, pushing for an answer.

“Hang on, lemme think” stalls Jungkook, waving a hand about and accidentally whacking your knee in the process.

“Ah! Jungkook-ah!” you exclaim, overexaggerating the impact in jest.

Then Jungkook realizes that the last person he met up with was you. He hadn’t had much time for coffees and chats since. Oh, wait there was that one family member... oh wait, no; that was a few days before.

He decides to pretend it was his cousin, trying not to think of your in that way.

“Oh god! I know it’s legal and all but I would never do that with my cousin!” he laughs, a little over the top. “Especially since the last time I met him he told me about...”

"...his new girlfriend” you say, finishing his sentence. “You told me about that when we met for coffee the other week.

“Oh... yeah...” replies Jungkook, a little annoyed he’s been caught out there. “I suppose the last person I met up with was y/n then...”

Everyone jeers jokingly at the idea that it’s two of their friends in this hypothetical situation.

“Hahaha! Get in Jungkook!” jokes Jimin, completely unaware like the rest of you of what is going through Jungkook’s mind.

You decide to chip in with the joke and play along with the situation by scooting closer to Jungkook - “Oh no! We’re in this lift, trapped, and I’m all naked Jungkook!” you over dramatically act out, draping yourself over his lap “Take me Jungkook! Take me!” 

Everybody is pissing themselves laughing at your little piece which allows Jungkook some time to think about how to react to this situation. The laughter dies down a bit and Jungkook figures that should be his queue to give an answer.

“I would take off my jacket,” begins Jungkook, actually removing the hoodie he was wearing, “and I would tell y/n it’s far too chilly to be naked, maybe ask if she needs to be sectioned...” he continues making everyone laugh once again as he makes you sit up and as you sit with your knees in front of you. 

He crouches in front of you and places his hoodie over your shoulders, tugging gently at the front to keep it around you. The two of you make eye contact for a moment; it’s not brief but not ever so long either. Long enough to catch each other’s gaze, but not long enough for you to figure out the meaning of the way he just looked at you.

Going back to sitting next to you, Jungkook continues. “and then we would just talk until someone fixes the lift.”

“Ah, fair, fair” says Hoseok with a shrug, not quite getting as juicy an answer as he was hoping for.

“Wait, wait, wait!” interrupts y/f/n. “Jungkook, are you honestly saying that there’s a naked girl in front of you literally begging you to take her... and you aren’t going to do anything about it?”

“I just did say I’d do something about it” defends Kook.

“Are you seriously saying you guys wouldn’t fuck?” adds Seokjin.

“Seokjin!” you exclaim, a little embarrassed now.

“Why would two people fuck in a lift of all places?” asks a confused Jungkook.

“Ah come on! Loads of people do it!” chimes in Hoseok.

“Yeah, well maybe you do,” Jungkook throws back at his friend, “but I’m more classy than that, thank you!”

“Okay, okay, if you say so...” Hoseok sighs, shuffling over to the bottle in the middle. “Let’s see who’s next...”

Dare

“Me again?” huffs Jungkook as the bottle spins his way for the third time in a row.

The entire group of friends had been playing for another 20 minutes now and something in you believed the floor might be at a slight angle as it keeps pointing towards Jungkook, yourself, and Yoongi who is sat on the other side of you.

“I swear you guys are doing this on purpose...”

“The bottle doesn’t lie Jungkook-ah!” protests Jimin. 

Jungkook hadn’t yet picked ‘dare’ as an option so he figures he should probably change things up a bit

“Alright, dare” says Jungkook, eliciting a joking shocked response from most of you and your friends.

“He finally chooses a dare!” exclaims y/f/n with a chuckle.

“Go on then, give it to me!” sighs Jungkook with a gesture of both his hands matching his words as he leans back onto the nearby bit of wall he sits near.

“No one’s done 7 minutes in heaven yet” suggests Jimin.

“Oh come one man!” exclaims Jungkook, quick to sit up again. “Isn’t that a bit old school?”

“Um hello? We’re fully grown adults having a sleepover; we’re already being old school!” Hoseok tells him, picking up the bottle.

“Next person it spins on has to do the 7 minutes with him?” suggests y/f/n.

Hoseok nods in agreement and everybody waits to see who the lucky guy or gal will be.

“Wait! Only if it’s a girl!” requests Jungkook.

“You realise you don’t have to kiss at all in those 7 minutes, right?” you inform him feeling a little humoured by his slight panic.

“Oh... yeah.... I guess I’ve never not....” he replies quietly as the bottle stops to pick........

You.

“Right then!” chirps y/f/n, standing up. “One of my housemates left their room unlocked just in case anyone needed it...”

“Yeah, to sleep in!” says Jungkook as he watches y/f/n walk across to one of the doors surrounding the living area, the one with the number ‘3′.

“I’m sure y/f/n’s housemate won’t mind if you don’t sleep together in there” jokes Yoongi in his usual laid back tone.

“Oooh, is there a problem Jungkook?” challenges Seokjin.

“No!” booms Jungkook a bit too loudly. “I mean, no, not at all” he says more calmly with a lower volume.

“Right y/n” says y/f/n. “Set the timer on you phone for seven minutes” she instructs, pulling you up to your feet.

“Alright” you reply, not at all feeling flustered by this situation and walking towards room 3.

Jungkook scrambles and follows, feeling super nervous about the idea of being locked in a room with you.

Your friend shuts the door behind you two and you can hear your friend - “Alright guys, I’ve got my phone set too; your time starts... now!”

You press the ‘start’ button on the timer on your phone as you and Jungkook both sit on the side of the bed next to each other.

“Uh, so... how do you wanna do this?” you ask.

“We could do or talk about anything, really” he replies with a shrug and a friendly expression.

“How about... since you have been kind enough to let me wear your hoodie all evening so far, I’ll offer something in return” you suggest.

“Like what?” he asks.

“Hmm, let’s think” you hum. “I could let you wear something of mine...” you joke, causing the two of you to giggle. “...Or, I know! Open up to me; what’s the one thing you’ve been keeping to yourself lately that you need to talk to someone about?”

Jungkook’s heart flutters. He has a few things he’s been keeping in... but he couldn’t tell you about one of those things. On the outside, he keeps an appearance of calmly and thoughtfully but on the inside he’s freaking out!

“Okay... I guess that lately, and from tonight, I can’t help but feel like I’m missing out on the social life I used to have”

“Yeah, I get that too” you tell him, rubbing a hand on the back of his shoulder.

“Really?”

“Yeah, I mean, we all went from seeing each other like every week, sometimes almost every day even, and then life just sort of happened and made us all too busy to do that stuff anymore”

“Yeah, I guess so...” he sighs. “And I can’t even remember the last time I went on a night out or had a date...”

“Me neither” you chuckle.

“I know” begins Jungkook, words about to go ahead of his thoughts. “How about we make a deal?”

“I’m interested” you tell him, wondering what he will say next.

“If, by the next time we can both meet up, neither of us has had a date, let’s go some place fancy; we’ll have steak and wine and we’ll ask awkward questions like ‘what’s you favourite animal’ or..”

“So like a date then?” you smile with a brief nervous laugh.

“Well, not exactly, but...”

“Sounds great to me” you grin with a warm feeling inside.

“Wait, really?” he asks, eyebrows raised in surprise.

You reach your hand out for a handshake. “It’s a deal”

Jungkook reaches out a hand to complete the handshake and a firm shake is done.

But neither one of you lets go first. Instead, you linger and look up at each other almost at exactly the same time. Your stares relax as you gaze into one another’s eyes.

“Um, you know, we have about a few minutes left of this dare...” he smiles.

“What did you have in mind...?” you softly reply.

A wave of shock comes over you as Jungkook lets go from the handshake and both his hand move to your sides.

“Tickle fight!” he exclaims, no longer able to bear the tension he was experiencing from holding your hand.

Hardly able to speak from all the giggling - god knows what everyone else can hear or is thinking - you manage to utter “Jungkook!” you squeal, trying you hardest to fight back to tickle him, but it’s no use. You’re squirming about on the bed as he is relentless in tickling you.

“Jungkook! Please stop!” you laugh “I... I can’t....” you puff, trying to catch your breath. “I can’t breath!” you giggle.

“Oh god, sorry” he apologises, finally giving up.

There’s a pause as he allows you to sit up again and recover from the laughing and you hear the door opening and your phone beeping.

You look at the door met by Hoseok who alongside all your other friends had heard nothing but strange laughter toward the end had nothing more to say than just “You guys are fucking weird”

*******

Crush On You: RM // Jin // Suga // J-Hope // Jimin // V

Care Package To You: RM // Jin // Suga // J-Hope // Jimin // V

[touchmycoat]

HX/LQG!anon: oh, Ella!LQG just pings my kinky heart - he's SURE HX is just messing with him, but there's just a tiny bit of his brain that says, but what if he really needs it? And he just. Wants. He wants to give HX what he needs. And there's that other bit of him that just feels really really good doing what HX tells him to do, a weapon put in good hands. LQG is all-in/ ride or die if he trusts (loves) someone, even if he tries to pretend that's not happening. (Such sub energy!!)

p.s. First David and Second David???????!!!!!! *SCREAMS* I HAVE TOO MANY FEELS! Talk about emotional whump... *bites nails in anticipation*

--

YES YES YES YES AAAAAAHHHHH lqg honestly wants to be the weapon SO bad, just do as he's told because he knows he's in trusted hands. SUB!LQG IS YUMMIEST LQG. And He Xuan, well, he thrives off of control, that much is obvious. Not to be cliche but I want them to do every single con that involves He Xuan coming in and posing as LQG's debtor or employer or owner in some way, and at some point he just impatiently beckons LQG over, asks LQG why the job's all screwed up, and backhands LQG. LQG murmurs a "sorry sir" with no prompting at all, and HX nods, satisfied, before returning to the job.

BABE. BABE. I ALL OF A SUDDEN REMEMBERED NATE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A CATHOLIC PRIEST. WAS THAT WERE HX WAS HEADED?? NOT CATHOLICISM BUT DEVOUT DAOIST SCHOLAR, MAYBE HISTORIAN??

(then HX's entire backstory got a revamp so warning, this got super fucking long)

Like, he and his sweetheart got engaged during undergrad, and for HX's last year he got this huge grant to travel to China to do his research on, I dunno, the original sutras that brought buddhism to the mainland and the daoist sociopolitical interests that propelled the translations. His fiancee makes a joke about how he's like Tang Sanzang from Journey to the West, but will he be okay all by himself, all the demons out there wanna eat his flesh y'know. HX laughs it off and goes—but it's during this time that SWD's entire shit strikes. It's probably a real estate thing to begin with—HX's dad's little Chinese diner refuses to sell to the rich corporate developers. They send people to smash things up, and the first time dad gets hospitalized HX tries to come home, but his mother convinces him to stay put, bc she's heard the real estate developers have some internal issues and are going down.

Sure enough, the company does, and the Hes thought it was over. HX reluctantly stays in China bc they really do have so much money riding on this, but a little while later, he hears about his baby sister falling sick. He and his mother argue for a period of time, but in the end it's HX's father's sudden death—complications due to his injuries from before—that makes his decision for him. So HX drops the research grant, comes home, realizes it wasn't just his sister sick, it was his mother as well, and takes academic leave to take care of his mother and sister.

But he realizes something's wrong. He's already pretty clever, and through mild grifting figures out there's something hinky with the whole "real estate company going down" thing. At the same time, this guy who just calls himself the Reverend shows up, and tells him look, you seem pretty desperate. Your family's sick, you're working yourself to the bones just trying to keep getting them treatment, you'll probably never return to school. But how about you come work for me?

HX puts on a damn good show. He pretends to refuse at first, forcing the Reverend to show him more and more of the business they got running. Then he "accepts" the Reverend's jobs, but tips off the people who were supposed to be the victims, and has them escape or resolve the situation in ways that wouldn't reveal it was HX behind it all. But it was all just a matter of time, of course, and he wasn't trying to trick the Reverend for the longterm, he was just trying to ferret out the people behind the Reverend. Why did they want HX's dad's shop badly enough to kill him, and why do they keep sending goons to smash up the storefront every time HX tries to clean it up?

Meanwhile, his fiancee, who's always helped out at the diner, is getting sick too. That's how HX put the pieces together, that it's...something like radiation poisoning (gotta figure out the deets),, and the real estate situation was an entanglement of coverups to hide what was probably improper waste disposal way back when.

Some good news though—there's a treatment being offered through a special program at the hospital for the thing HX's mom and sister are sick with, and its rep? A bubbly young corporate heiress out to perform some philanthropy, Shi Qingxuan. SQX befriends HX's fiancee first, and after learning about HX's situation, she prepares a whole grant application to the parent medical insurance company, says if it goes through HX wouldn't have to pay a dime. HX's naturally skeptical, but SQX is like "don't worry, I know people high up, wink wink"

But halfway through this the Reverend figures out HX is compiling evidence. Instead of confronting him straight, they want to tie HX down as an accomplice instead, so they send him on another "job" that's totally a set-up. HX's clever and figures it out, sends people packing, and in the end confronts the Reverend like, "the state police are coming, I have evidence and testimony to your crimes, you're going down."

But then the Reverend goes ahead and says, "good job then, you wanna keep patting yourself on the back or go see your mom and sister for the last time?" And plays for him a message from the hospital about his mother and sister's situations suddenly worsening. HX knows this is their doing, but what else can he do? He rushes to the hospital, and finds his fiancee weeping, SQX trying to comfort her. HX's mom and sister are already dead.

At this point, there are strains and fractures in HX's relationship with his fiancee, because of course there is—they're both still so fucking young. Miao-er had wanted to go on academic leave too, but HX refused, saying one of them needs to graduate college at least. The Hes are paying for her tuition anyways, and he kind of strong-arms her into continuing her education. Then he started taking the jobs for the Reverend, and Miao-er knows it's bad news because she sees the way HX's going kind of dark-sided. She always tries to bring him out of his funk, with varying levels of success, but she also kind of wishes he would just stay, and be there, and make this simple instead of diving into what kind of looks like a crazy conspiracy theory.

So here, that confrontation happens. The Reverend had given HX a gun for the set-up job from before, and HX turns right back around at the hospital room and goes to kill the Reverend. Miao-er tries to stop him, finds out he has a gun, is like jesus shit what the fuck dude, SQX's in the background trying to calm things down. HX ends up storming off anyways, and Miao-er is crying. SQX gets a little pissed off too and runs after HX to tell HX that Miao-er needs treatment too. She's really, really sorry that HX's mom and sister didn't make it in time, but the case went through for Miao-er, she can get the full course of treatment with all costs covered, and if HX storms off for revenge right now and gets caught, that means Miao-er gets left completely on her own, you know? The Hes are basically her adopted family, she doesn't have anyone else here in the States, and she just needs HX, please, calm down.

HX listens, manages to calm down, but when they go back, Miao-er's gone. Figuring she just needs time to deal with things herself, HX makes arrangements for his mom and sister's bodies. SQX continues to keep him company, and when she learns about the Reverend, she brings all her personal lawyers to help out. Together, they successfully resolve the entire Reverend ordeal. The Reverend goes down for everything, from the initial improper waste disposal to the real estate situation to getting HX's entire family killed. HX gets a payout, and wonders what to do next.

But then, Miao-er never came back. HX gets all tense and intense about searching again, but then SQX hesitantly informs him that according to the medical grant, Miao-er is currently receiving the full course of treatment. As for where, she's not at liberty to say, but, well, it kind of looks like she's just avoiding him? Maybe he should give her time?

Then HX gets smacked with an insane amount of student debt, both his and his fiancee's, which made no sense, unless Miao-er had cashed out the year's tuition that the Hes gave her and paid for school with a loan instead? And Miao-er continues to be gone, not answering any of HX's calls, and it just doesn't seem like something she would do but over time, HX doesn't know anymore. In the span of months, he's lost everybody, and the only person who still gave a damn enough to check up on him all the time, no matter how much of a bastard he is, is SQX.

Then SQX tells him her brother is hiring. "Look, we're an insurance company, we need case investigators. Normally they only hire out of prestigious schools but I can vouch for you, alright? I've seen what you can do. Take the job, pay off all these debts, smooth things out, and see where to go from there."

HX listens. He works under SWD and becomes the firm's top investigator. He pays off his debts, helps out his neighbors with zoning shit, and somewhere along the line starts dating SQX. SQX loves loves loves him, and keeps proposing to him ("but hahaha no pressure only if you really want, because I really want, like, spice girls really really want"), so finally, HX accepts.

Soon after their engagement though, HX suddenly gets a call. It's an unknown number, but he recognized the voice immediately. It's Miao-er.

She's crying, she sounds weak, she says she's sorry, so sorry, she let them lie to her for so long, that she never should have trusted them. She says he's been right all along, that there's been a cover-up, and now they're going to kill her for it—

The line goes dead. HX doesn't really remember how, but he loses consciousness. When he wakes up again it's to SQX telling him the doctors said he had a panic attack.

HX's brain puts the pieces together faster than he's really aware, and he has a fist in SQX's collar. He asks her where Miao-er is, what she knows, what happened to the treatment payments, did SQX lie to him about Miao-er taking—

But SWD's also there. They're staying at the Shi mansion, post-engagement. SWD pulls him away from SQX and has security take him down. SQX tries to protest, says HX's not feeling well. HX just keeps demanding to know where Miao-er is, and SWD just coolly opens HX's phone, shows him he hadn't received any calls, and basically calls off the engagement, gaslighting HX into thinking he's had a psychotic break triggered by the engagement to SQX.

Everything goes downhill from there. HX knows what he heard, and knows if something really did happen to Miao-er, then SQX must have had something to do with it. Their relationship completely falls apart, SWD fires him, and HX leaves a complete and utter mess. He drinks himself stupid, lives out of his car, sells his car, and ends up running in the dark side of town, where he mostly just wants to be left alone, but ends up making a name for himself anyways as someone immensely powerful and dangerous.

Then he meets Xie Lian. Everything kicks off again from there.

[365days365movies]

March 18, 2021: The Purple Rose of Cairo (1985) (Part One)

Look, it’s Woody Allen again! Why is this elephant here?

Ah, right. The documentary on HBO, which I have not watched since I last talked about Woody Allen? Why? Well, from what I’ve heard, it’s not the most accurate documentary, and has a bit of bias loaded into it. And again, I don’t know nearly enough about the whole situation, but...I’m also not interested in potentially biased accounts. So, I’ll take the time to educate myself.

Shame that I rarely have any time, then.

Yeah, I just made one of the oldest jokes on the internet ever. Sue me. SUE ME I DARE YOU

You may be asking, then, why am I doing the whole movie thing? Well, in truth, this is a form of escapism for me. I mean, who doesn’t like sitting down and watching a good movie, putting away your worldly cares for about 2 hours so that you can dive into another world entirely? I mean, the worlds that’ve been built by film over the last century never ceases to amaze me.

From Avatar’s Pandora to Mustafar in Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, to the Great Barrier Reef in Finding Nemo, or the world of Monsters, Inc. There are so many unique worlds, not to mention the characters who inhabit them, and the directors and filmmakers who craft and show them. I just love movies, honestly. Which I could literally be in the world of some of them, even for just 2 hours.

But enough of that, what’s this film about? Eh, whatever, LET’S JUST GET INTO IT! SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap (1/2)

We’re brought in on “Cheek to Cheek”, as sung by Fred Astaire, which is, not gonna lie, a guilty pleasure song of mine that I find myself singing in quiet moments. This leads us to a movie poster for the film, The Purple Rose of Cairo, which is being admired by Cecilia (Mia...Farrow). Ohhhhh.

You may remember Mrs. Farrow from her eponymous voice role in The Last Unicorn, which was made a few years before this film. And she’s also known for Rosemary’s Baby, The Great Gatsby, and...her marriage to Woody Allen, which ended in divorce and a massive lawsuit. Said lawsuit involved Farrow’s accusation of sexual abuse to their adopted daughter, Dylan. And that’s what the HBO documentary is about!

WOW. AWKWARD. Apparently, the two got married in 1980, and made thirteen films together, this one included. Which seems both awkward, and like straight-up nepotism, but whatever. Tim Burton did the same thing with Helena Bonham Carter, so whatever; it’s not unprecedented, is what I’m saying. Back to the movie, though.

Cecilia is a waitress, along with her sister (played by Stephanie Farrow, Mia’s actual sister). She’s new at the job, and not great at it. But, her and her sister still have nice conversations about films, as Cecilia’s quite the cinephile. After work, Cecilia meets her husband Monk (Danny Aiello), an abusive gambler who’s unemployed and not doing much about it. It’s the middle of the Great Depression, and things are hard all over. Monk seems to handle this by playing dice, and not particularly well.

Cecilia unsuccessfully tries to get Monk to see the newest movie with her, so she goes to see it alone that night. The film itself is a comedy about a rich Manhattanite named Henry (Edward Herrmann), alongside his wife Rita (Deborah Rush) and friend Jason (John Wood). They take a trip to Cairo, where they meet a young archaeologist named Tom Baxter (Jeff Daniels), who’s there to seek the mythical Purple Rose of Cairo. They invite him back to New York with them, and he accepts. There, he falls in love with Kitty Haynes (Karen Ackers), a singer at the Copacabana.

Cecilia is head over heels in love with the movie itself, and dreams about it at work, before going to see it again with her sister. They go to an early showing, and when she comes home, Monk’s drunk and spending time with a woman named Olga. Understandably enraged by this, Cecilia packs up her belongings to move out. Monk tries to get her to stay, the abusive cheating douchebag that he is. She notes that he hits her, and he defends his actions. Monk’s a real piece of shit. And she leaves, despite his absolute shit. God, I hope she stays away.

Unfortunately, she’s essentially forced to come back to the apartment that night, and returns to work as well. But not for long, as she’s basically immediately fired. Now jobless and stuck in an extremely shitty marriage, she has nowhere to go...except for the movies. And she goes back over...and over...and over again, five times in a row that day.

But the seventh time she sees the movie...something happens. Something fascinatingly unusual. The film, specifically Tom Baxter himself, watches her back.

Holy shit, that’s awesome! Tom Baxter notices Cecilia in the audience, and before his “madcap Manhattan weekend” is set to begin, Tom notes that she must really love this movie, and also that he’s noticed her all 6 previous times she’s seen the film. And then...he leaves. He leaves the movie!

He turns to color, and he jumps out of the screen to sweep Cecilia off of her feet. And EVERYBODY sees this, including the people IN the movie and in the theatre. I also love the fact that as soon as he turns to color, a woman faints, which is super fucking funny to me for some reason. Tom runs off with Cecilia, free after 2,000 monotonous performances.

Now that Tom’s met Cecilia, he’s never going back. The audience and the film stars are in complete disarray, and without Tom present, the movie can’t go forward, and the film characters descend into arguments about whose movie this actually is. It’s uh...it’s fucking hilarious, actually.

The enthusiastic Tom Baxter goes with Cecilia to a closed amusement park, where Cecilia once again expresses confusion at the whole affair. He notes that she’s been looking at her with every one of his performances, although she doesn’t understand why. But he calls her fetching, and is clearly quite smitten with her. And she appears to be returning that affection.

When Tom tells her that Cecilia is in love with him, she notes that she’s married. Still, he asks her to meet him that night at the amusement park. After all, how many times does a movie character leave a movie to meet somebody? Not an everyday occurrence.

Meanwhile, the film characters continue to be freaking the fuck out. The Countess (Zoe Caldwell) and Larry Wilde (Van Johnson) show up as well. The audience appears to be enjoying this less than I am, and they start to backtalk the movie, calling it boring. The movie backtalks the audience right back, and it continues to be hilarious.

Eventually, this becomes an attraction in and of itself. They suggest turning the movie off, but that risks stranding Tom Baxter outside. It also means that the film characters wouldn’t exist, which Henry is EXTREMELY upset about. As the news arrives to cover the small theatre’s anomaly, the people in the film itself start to play pinochle, as a few people linger around to watch and interact with the characters. The theatre manager (Irving Metzman) calls the production company, RKO, and they get on the phone with a Gil Shepherd.

Meanwhile, Cecilia manages to get out of the house, despite Monk trying to keep her there to massage his back, the absolute douchebag. She goes and meets Tom, and they go dancing together. This is just as the actor who plays Tom, Gil Shepherd (Jeff Daniels) is called by RKO while he’s at a party. Gil seems like kind of a typical Hollywood jerk, but he’s interrupted by an agent, who tells him that they need to get control of...well, whatever the hell this is.

Apparently, RKO is telling Gil that if he can’t get “his creation” under control, then he’ll essentially be blacklisted, especially considering that there’s no telling what Tom’s doing out there. And what Tom is doing is attempting to pay for a meal with Cecilia, only to find that his money isn’t real money. The two dine-and-dash, and they escape in a car back to the amusement park. 

There, the two kiss, with Tom expecting the screen to fade out in preparation for them to make love. He’s surprised when it doesn’t happen, and it’s neat to see his adjustment to the world outside of films. He wants to continue with the lovemaking, but she’s still faithful to her husband. He stays at the park, and she returns home, where she still hasn’t told Monk about her new unemployment status.

The next morning, Gil and co. arrive at the small New Jersey town, and Gil ends up running into Cecilia, who confuses him for Tom. Gil realizes exactly what’s going on, and reveals who he is to her. The two start to talk, and Cecilia just fangirls EVERWHERE. She agrees to take him to meet his character.

Great place to pause, I think! See you in Part Two!

[tessatechaitea]

Justice League International #9 (1988)

I guess that means Black Canary will have to defeat the Manhunters.

I read The Lord of the Rings trilogy when I was twelve and I'll admit that I thought Éowyn killing the Witch-king was a pretty good twist on the prophecy that he would not be killed by the hand of man. Later, as I got old enough to despise everything in the world because my sense of wonder had been worn down to a nub like a well-used eraser, I realized twelve year old me was a credulous little rat bastard who wouldn't know a good twist if it jumped up out of the lake as a drowned zombie boy and pulled him under just when he thought the film was over and he was safe. Wait a second. I don't want to discuss Éowyn anymore! Maybe I'll get back to it but I've just realized something more important. If Jason had drowned and remained a little boy from 1957 to 1979, how does he become a grown ass adult in the subsequent movies?! I suppose serious Friday the 13th fans believe Alice simply imagined being pulled into the lake, since the police found no trace of a small boy. And the actual Jason didn't drown at all but received such severe brain damage that he decided to live in the woods like Grizzly Adams. Maybe he didn't even remember his mother until she showed up to murder all those counselors and he learned who he was by observing the first movie from the woods. Then we was all, "Man! That woman killed Ma! I'll show her you can't behead my Ma and not get beheaded yourself!" Hmm, that was too easy to solve once I spent any time at all thinking about it. I wonder how many hours I could lose looking up what actual fans of the franchise think? I'll never know though because I dislike fans and fan theories almost as much as I dislike my twelve year old self for being so amazed by the Éowyn twist! Maybe the Éowyn twist is just as good as I thought it was 37 years ago. It's not like I've ever gone back to re-read The Lord of the Rings. I've only read a handful of books more than once in my life and have never re-read a book immediately after reading it until now with Gravity's Rainbow. You can blame Thomas Pynchon on my lack of reading comic books lately because his book was so fucking good and had so much going on that I had to read it again immediately. This issue takes place during the big DC Millennium event so it might be a bit confusing for me. I'll be damned if I'm going to dig through one of the forty comic book boxes lying around just to find Millennium to read before this.

No thanks! I think I'll just muddle through!

Remember when DC had huge events that crossed over into every single comic they put out but were totally boring and inconsequential and didn't have "METAL!" in the title? I'm so glad those days are over and Scott Snyder has made crossover events super fucking hardcore and radical again! *five minutes of mouth guitar noises*

Oh! Is this some of that Éowyn-like prophetic foreshadowing?!

Rocket Red #7 has to be the most lame attempt at having a team member betray the team, especially since he's immediately replaced by Rocket Red #4. "Whoa! What a twist!" I probably thought back at my still tender and rat-bastardly age of sixteen. Rocket Red #7 comes right out and tells everybody that he's a Manhunter. I guess part of the Manhunter philosophy is to first try and recruit man. If unsuccessful, only then do you hunt man. Batman explains to Manhunter Rocket Red #7 how to painfully shove offers like that up excretory orifices. After Black Canary gets on his ass several times for not including her in his exclamations of "gentlemen," Manhunter Rocket Red #7 learns to say, "No man—or woman—can escape the Manhunters!" So I guess no Éowyn twist this time. Hell, I'll probably never learn the twist for how the Manhunters can be defeated because that's the kind of plot point that's going to take place in the actual Millennium issues. And I probably won't re-read those for another few years!

"Suck on this, manhunter!" was my most commonly used phrase in college.

Black Canary is so concerned about gender equality maybe she should be scolding Batman for not hiring any other women. Rocket Red #7 beats the shit out of everybody inside the ship (not Beetle's Bug for some reason probably explained in Millennium #1) and then flies out to stand on top of it and not say he's king of the world because Titanic wasn't the huge breakout romantic hit it would be a decade later. What a great movie! It had everything! Boobs, guns, people dying. Like an Agatha Christie novel but with boobs! Once Rocket Red #7 is outside of the ship, the members of the Justice League with actual, non-screaming-related super-powers take notice of him. That's because they're flying to show off to the others their super powers. The characters I'm talking about are Guy Gardner and Martian Manhunter. Booster Gold is also flying outside the ship but he's just a small town thief with a Legion flight ring and a force field. He doesn't even have a manly bulge in this super tight suit! One thing I learned that maybe I knew once but probably not for long because I don't think it was ever front loaded as part of his characterization is that Rocket Red (like all Rocket Reds) is a techno-empath. That means his suit allows him to control technology by crying or getting angry. If you know for a fact that it means something else, just keep it to yourself, okay? This isn't fucking Wikipedia. It's a stupid joke review blog that, most of the time, forgets to even review the comic book. Nobody knows how to stop Rocket Red #7 from crashing the ship into a Bialian oil refinery because if they try to stop him, he'll blow up the ship and kill everybody inside. Which, you know, will happen anyway if it crashes into the oil refinery. So I don't know why nobody tries to stop him anyway. They just fly ahead to save civilians. Luckily Rocket Reds #1-...I don't know, 53 (minus #7) save the day! I guess they use their Techno-Empathy to shut down Rocket Red #7's eyeballs.

Oh yeah, Rocket Red #7 dies here. I mean, not here, exactly, because nobody stops the Manhunters. He dies a little later after the jump scare out of the pile of debris scene.

Max Lord consults his mysterious robotic sounding friend about the Manhunter threat but the dumb thing doesn't know any more than he does. Lord mentions that the Manhunters have gotten close to all of their potential recruits while looking at a monitor with those recruits. One of them is Halo and Geoforce from The Outsiders! Oh why oh why couldn't Halo have become a member?! Halo was my pre-Sailor Moon role model. I think I've just always wanted to be a hot young woman. Oh yeah. Didn't Doctor Jace turn out to be a Manhunter? The story ends with Maxwell Lord's personal assistant shooting him because she was also a Manhunter. How all these people were Manhunters, I'll never know! I suppose it's like when you've been playing a Dungeons & Dragons campaign for four months and suddenly one of the NPCs turns out to be a polymorphed dragon and you're all, "Holy shit! What a twist! This DM is devious!" But in reality, the DM only thought up the twist thirty minutes before that night's campaign. It's pretty much exactly like that. Every writer at DC must have gotten a memo from editorial that read: "One of your characters needs to be a Manhunter. It doesn't matter which one but it would be a lot more exciting if they were an important part of the team!" And Keith Giffen and J.M. DeMatties read their memo, shrugged, and concluded they were only willing to rid themselves of Max Lord's secretary and the stupid, replaceable Rocket Red. A second short story finishes up this issue. It's about Jack-o-lantern of the now defunct Global Guardians being wooed by Bialian Rumaan Harjavti. He wants a super group of terrorists to threaten the Western world with. I guess they'll become Bialya's version of Qurac's Jihad. If it ever comes together, of course. Jack-o-Lantern would just be using Rumaan's money and support to get a new global team together. Probably. Justice League International #9 Rating: B. Did you know China has a university called the China University of Mining and Technology? That acronym is so close to being disgusting! Some translator should point it out so they can come up with a synonym for "mining" that begins with an "n" so they can sell a ton of school merch to the West.

[recurring-polynya]

Bollywood Review Time!

Today, I am going to talk about Om Shanty Om, a very good movie that was Not For Me.

Let me back up. People recommend stuff to me a lot and I try to watch it and talk about it, and I always feel bad when I don’t like it. This one was recommended to me by my friend @serene-faerie​ I want to make it very clear that you, reader, may like this film very much! It was a strange perfect storm of Things I Don’t Care For, and I actually rather enjoyed the experience of picking apart what I didn’t like about from what I did, because honestly, I am always interested in the ways stories are told and what stories say about themselves.

Cut for spoilers and also length

First off the bat-- this is not a film for the Bollywood beginner. It’s sort of a meta-narrative, with a ton of cameos from famous stars and jokes about Bollywood tropes and directors and such. There’s a ten-minute dance number in the middle that’s just famous people showing up to get down and everybody cheers every time someone new rolls in. I have only actually seen a handful of Bollywood films, mostly made after this one (it was made in 2007), and I could tell that there were a ton of gags and references that flew over my head. I got the sense, both from watching it, and from reading reviews, that this was all very well done and funny, I just didn’t have the proper frame of reference to appreciate it.

The main character, Om, is played by Shah Rukh Khan, an incredibly famous Bollywood star whom I had never heard of before watching this film. In the beginning, Om is a somewhat-bumbling movie extra, dreaming of stardom, flipping his hair, and falling in love with a beautiful starlet on a billboard. I… was not taken in by his charms. I feel like I really missed out by not knowing who Shah Rukh Khan was ahead of time. That was sort of an interesting thought to me-- that a famous actor brings the good will of all his previous roles to a movie with him, and that it was very interesting to me to watch a film stripped of that context. I was literally shocked when halfway through the film, he rips off his shirt and had killer abs, I was absolutely not expecting it.

The deal of the movie is that, through a series of coincidences, Om meets Shanti, the actress of his dreams (from the billboard). She is played by Deepika Padukone, who I fell for immediately. She is gorgeous and had a ton of charisma. This movie seems like it’s going to be a love story, but it really isn’t. Shanti is charmed by Om’s sweetness, but she’s already in a doomed secret marriage with a scumbag director, Mukesh, who ends up murdering her when she wants him to publicly acknowledge her, which is kinda time sensitive, because she is pregnant. Mukesh had planned to have her star in a lavish movie spectacle called Om Shanti Om, but when she forces his hand, he burns the set down with her locked inside. Om witnesses all this; he tries to save her and dies in the process.

Om happens to die in the same hospital where a famous director’s child is being born, and he is reincarnated as the baby, and grows up to have the life he always wanted-- that of a Bollywood superstar. His name is still Om, but his nickname is O.K., so I am going to call him that to distinguish between 1977 Om and 2007 Om. He meets Mukesh again who is now a super-successful Hollywood producer. O.K. gets all the memories of his past life back, and decides to Get Revenge by proposing to do a remake of Om Shanti Om. He finds a wanna-be actress, Sandy, who looks exactly like Shanti, and has her haunt the set in order to make Mukesh think he is going crazy (and maybe also confess? It’s not a terribly clear-cut plan). You might think that Sandy is the reincarnation of Shanti, but Shanti’s ghost shows up in the grand finale of the film, so I guess she wasn’t?? You also might expect O.K. and Sandy to have some romantic feelings, but they really don’t, and in fact, O.K. is actually pretty mean to Sandy, even though she is extremely sweet and I don’t see how anyone could possibly be mean to her.

The movie is lush. The costumes are elaborate, the sets are lavish, the dance numbers are many and long. There is not a single scene without an off-screen fan to dramatically tousle the actors’ hair. I actually rather liked the last act of the movie where they were gaslighting Mukesh and it was over-the-top, scenery-chewing, Hamlet--play-with-in-a-play madness. A chandelier falls on someone. A lot of the end doesn’t even make a lot of sense or exist in any sort of linear time, cutting between the film-within-a-film and dance numbers and what’s “really happening” and I really had no problem with any of this. I actually really liked the amount of meta that was happening and the breakdown of boundaries, and I found the end to be reasonably satisfying.

So what didn’t I like about it?

The entire film relies on you being charmed by Om and I did not care for him. We all have this set of trope personality types that we enjoy and fall for, and “young person who dreams of making it big on the stage/screen” is a huge swipe left for me. Give me a stolid second-in-command who has been stationed at an ice wall for 30 years to protect his homeland. A incredibly tired dude muttering “fuck” as he wades into a swamp to fight a bog zombie, because who else is gonna? My dude turn-ons include duty and self-sacrifice and really good posture. I couldn’t watch Naruto because everyone spouted off about “their dreams” too much, and I thought Om should have cut his losses and gotten a real job. I am who I am.

There’s a weird fine line between “meta,” that is, stories about storytelling and presentation and media, and movies about being in love with making movies. I like the former a lot and I do not care for the latter one bit. I did stage crew for a high school production of 42nd Street and I have a very distinct memory of thinking “this is a play about putting on a play. Why on earth would anyone who is not an actor want to watch this?” I also hate books where the main character is a writer (yes, Stephen King, this is a call-out). I also hate biopics about musicians and actors. I honestly do not care about the craft, and the “magic of cinema” has never been a thing I have found remotely compelling. 

What I love about reincarnation storylines is the period where the characters recognize the feelings and memories that are tied to their previous lives-- where they see someone and can feel their old emotions for this person, but without knowing why. This is where I live. I eat this with a spoon. I want this to prolong the emotional burn, because the characters don't know what are their own feelings and what comes from their past lives, and that there are conflicts that must be resolved for both lifetimes. Alternatively, you can also use a reincarnation storyline to skip the emotional burn entirely, by just having the character “get all their memories back in one fell swoop.” This is… the opposite of what I want. This is what Om Shanty Om does. I felt deeply cheated.

Relatedly, the entire theme of the movie was "When you want something badly, the whole universe conspires to give to you", a sentiment I wholeheartedly disagree with. I love stories about the conflict between agency and destiny, I think this is a really meaty subject, but once again, the movie used it as an excuse to let the characters sit back and do nothing and have a solution to their problems drop into their laps. I am sure you could make an argument for the charm of this viewpoint, but it is not for me.

I like dance numbers all right, but they are not why I watch Bollywood films. This movie is over two hours long and a lot of it was dance numbers. I was very tired of dance numbers by the end. That being said, the titular song was a bop and I had it stuck in my head for days. “Disco of Distress” was my second favorite.

I do not really feel a lot of nostalgia for the late 1970s, which is when the first half of the film takes place. If noisy patterns and kitsch and big winks and goofy hair is your period aesthetic, you will enjoy this part a lot!

Here’s what I did like!

Sunglasses. There were so many good sunnies in this film. So many. A parade of excellent shades.

Deepika Padukone. She is so adorable, for one, and she charmed me in every way that Shah Rukh Khan did not. I loved her both as the melancholy starlet Shanti and the doofy, gum-chewing Sandy, and also the Angry Revenge Ghost at the end. I would say this movie is 75% Om and 25% Shanti, and I would have liked it a lot better if it were the other way around. Sandy had basically no agency whatsoever; the second half of the plot was basically about O.K. getting revenge on Mukush... mostly for himself? I liked that the first half of the movie didn’t make Shanti fall in love with the puppy-like Om just because he was devoted to her, but it would have been a nice reversal if the jaded O.K. had softened toward Sandy more in the second act, and that there had been a bit of a love story to temper the revenge plot.

The idea of the plot. The plot described in words is very cool to me, and there was a period of about 3 minutes in the film when O.K. recognizes Om’s mother when I got real excited about where this was going, and then I realized it wasn’t going where I wanted and was sad again. I think I might have liked it better if the movie started out with O.K. and revealed Om’s story slowly, through flashback, but nothing about this movie catered to my narrative aesthetic, so I eventually gave up with ways of trying to fix it.

Anyway, as I said, I can definitely see how someone could love this movie! If you are a big Bollywood buff and you love dance numbers and silliness and Shah Rukh Khan, I would recommend it in a second! It was strangely almost tailor-made to hit some of my pet peeves, and I was mad because I wanted to like it more than I did.

That’s my review! @serene-faerie​ I hope you still love me even though I didn’t like your movie. I am always trying to expand my movie knowledge and I learned a lot watching this one, and I don’t regret watching it, even though it wasn’t my fave.

[fatrainbowmermaidunicorn]

PROMPT GAME #2

"You two really looked great together," another older couple beams at both Y/N and Taehyung after giving their greetings. The two smile and nodded, like they usually do for the millionth time at this kind of parties.

"And there goes another one, saying how great we look," Taehyung chuckled, passing her a glass of wine. Y/N just nodded and, smile, gulping down her drink. At the rate this party is going, she will be needing way more than just a glass for sure. "Aunties and uncles alert," Taehyung whisper and nudge her with his elbow and the two immediately puts on a smile at the two impecabbly dressed couple hewded their way.

"Taehyung, Y/N, you two look wonderful today. Taehyung, handsome as always," Y/N's auntie, her father's oldest sister smile and beams at the young man, and Taehyung flashed his charming smile, making the older lady blush.

"Thanks Aunt May. You look gorgeous as always too,"

"But not as pretty as Y/N here right?" She winks. "So, when are you two ever going to make it official? You wont have a secret engagement or anything right?"

"Aunt May!" Y/N os horrified. Why cant family members just be normal?

"What? Did I say something wrong?" Aunt May feign innocent, strongly believe that the two is a couple although theu have denied it too many times.

"Its definitely wrong! You know we are just friends!" Y/N protests. "We are just... friends," she repeated again, softly this time and sighed and Taehyung chuckled softly besides her at her flustered reaction.

"Young people these days. Is it so hard to woo a girl? Just take her out on a date and pop the question!" Uncle Kent gives out a booming laugh, making Y/N wants to face palmed herself. Thabk god Taehyung is calm and a good sport.

"It cant be that simple Uncle, its not easy to win Y/N's heart, I have to make up some super deliberate plan to woo her before she would ever say yes to me," Taehyung plays along and grab Y/N's hand, holding it tighr, causing her heartbeat to race.

"Well, then I wish you the best of luck son," Uncle Kent tapped his back and make their way to greet some other people. Y/N pulled back her hand the moment they left and pouts.

"What the hell is that Tae? Why are you giving them expectations? You know I dont like that. Now they will be telling asking my parents when we are getting married and the my parents will be asking me and when I tell then its a joke they will nag me about being single and say I'm waiting for a prince to fall down from the sky again!" Y/N grumbles.

"Are you?" Taehyung turns to look at her, smiling that stupid smile that makes Y/N goes crazy. "Waiting for a prince to fall down from the sky?"

"No. Of course not!" I am just waiting for you Kim Taehyung. Y/N wished she can just say it out loud. Oh if only she have that courage. But that will never happen. They have been friends for too long for her to ruined it. Too long. In fact, since the day they were born. Both born as the heir to the wealthiest empire in the country, their parents being close friends and business partners, they are bound to be best friends. Growing up with a silver spoon in their mouth together, some are even convinced that they will marry each other. Well, until Taehyung hits puberty and grew into his looks and turned into the number one romeo in the country. Making appearances at all the parties in town, having one night stands with girls he cant remember the name of and charming everybody socks off while Y/N, who although also grew into her beauty hides behind books and classical music, poetru and arts. Despite their differencesz at the end of the day, Y/N and Taehyung still turns to each other, which is why everybody thinks they are a couple, or want them to be.

Especially at a party hosted by Y/N's parents, filled with cloae relatives and friends.

"Well, you have been single for as long as I have known you Y/N. Which is.. hmmm... let me see... since forever?" Taehyung eyes her carefully. "I wonder who is it you are waiting for?" He smirks. "Is it by any chance, me?"

Y/N chokes on her water.

Taehyung laughs, sipping his drink while watching her closely.

"Ewww. No. Never! Never ever!"

"Oh come on. I am not so bad. What? You have never thought about us? We do make a great couple you know," he winks.

"W-well... I uh," Y/N wrecks her brain, trying to find an answer to this wkward question. Yes, Taehyung teased her a lot, thats what they do, teased each other, but the topic is never this. Never about her wanting him. Because to be honest, there is nothing in this world she rather want than him. "I would! If you are not the number one international player!" Sheaughs nervously, trying to pass it off as a joke, although deep inside it hurts to know how true that statement is. Taehyung will never see her like that. Not when he is surrounded by any girl he could possibly want.

"Really now?" Taehyung smiles and take a step forward, still holding her hand tight, squeezing it while the other cups her chin slowly do her eyes met his. "Then why are your hand sweating so much Y/N?" Taehyung smile, eyes never leaving hers. "You have never imagine us? Together? You have never..." he leans in closer lips only an inch from her, his breath warm on her face. Y/N can smell his intoxicating scent and her eyes flutter close, heartbeat racing like crazy. "Imagine me kissing you? My lips... on yours?" He rubs his thumb on her soft lips, slowly grazing it. Taehyung inched closer, almost closing the tiny gap between them ehen Y/N snapped into reality, realizing what she is about to do and who shes about to do it with. Her eyes opens immediately and Y/N shoved Taehyung away, hard, making him stumbled back in surprised and ran out to the enormous garden.

What is wrong with me? You know Taehyung is just playing. Stupid Y/N, stupid stupid, stupid!

Tears are already running down her face, cascading down her cheeks like endless waterfall. She can hear soft footsteps approaching. Footsteps that she can recognized anywhere.

Taehyung.

How can she forget. Taehyung knows this garden, her garden, as much as she does. He knows exactly where Y/N would hide herself away everytime she wanted some peace and quiet from all her troubles. Taehyung knows her more than she knows herself, so why dont he know how in lovr she is with him?

So in love. Definitely more than friends. Is she really not worthy in his eyes?

"Y/N?" Taehyung took a seat beside her on the cold stone bench, the air immediately turned wuiet as both trying to think of what to say. They have seen each other uoset beforex and Taehyung always seems to know what to say to put a smile back on her face. But not this time. This time, something feels off.

Did he say something wrong earlier?

"Hey Y/N... can you please look at me?" Taehyung whisper softly.

"Can you just please go away Tae? I have never asked you for anything, but just this once, please leave me alone," Y/N sobs.

"No. You need me Y/N..." Taehyung's voice is still soft and calm. "Just like I need you,"

"There you go again!" Y/N snapped and raised her face, eyes filled with anger like Taehyung never has seen before, her whole face dampen with tears. "You just say whatever you want dont you?! Without thinking about anyone elses feelings!"

"Y/N.. what are you talking about. I dont understand. Why are you so mad at me for?" Taehyung is utterly confused at all this anger directed towards him.

"You need me. Just like I need you! You have never imagined us together? You have neevr imagined me kissing you?" She mocked. "What the hell Taehyubg? You think feelings are some kind of a joke?!" Y/N screamed, no longer cared. Patience are running thin when her feelings are this vulnerable.

"You are angry at me because of that?" Taehyung looks at her in disbelief. "I am sorry if you think I crossed the line, but this angry?" Taehyung stands up and paced around. "Do you hate me that much that even the thoughts of being with me makes you want to scream in anger? Make you this upset? Am I that unworthy to you Y/N?"

Y/N was surprised. How can he thinks that way? For what its worth, its the other way around. She will never be good enough for the great Kim Taehyung, best friend or not.

"No Tae.. its not like that..." her voice softens at his sudden outburst.

"Then what is it? I am not good enough for you? Do you despise who I am to the point ot makes you cry? Do I-"

"Its because I love you!"

Taehyung stopped mid-sentence, turning around to face her, mouth slightly open.

"Got your answer now? Its because I fucking love you Tae. Deeply, sincerely in love with you. Has been for years," she laughed through her tears. "But you will never see me that way do you? I am just the bestfriend. The nerd, goody two shoes bestfriend. I understand, how can you even look at me that way with all the girls flocking you. You can have anyone and anyone is licky ro have you,"

"Y/N-"

"Let me finish!" Y/N raised a hand to stop him. It took me years to finally find this courage to say all this, so let me finish,"

Taehyung kept quiet, obliging to her demands.

"I love you Tae. Always have, always will. But I know we will never be. And i am fine with that. I have made my peace with that. But please stop humoring me by saying things about us together. I know its a joke to you but its like a bullet to my fragile heart. Atleast stop until I get over you,"Y/N sighed. "Its funny right? And pathetic. Not to mentioned cliche. Bestfriends falling for the other," she lets out a humorless laugh. "I just need to know one thing Tae. One thing and I promiaed we wont talk about this evee again,"

"What is it Y/N?" Taehyung took a steo and sits back down beside her on the bench.

"What do they have that I dont?" Y/N looks him straight in the eye. "All those firls you have been with, night after night, what do they have that I dont? Why wont you ever look at me Tae?"

Taehyung's heart breaks when Y/N aaked the question. The way her lips quiver, the way her eyes shines with tears, the look in her eyes thay shows him how she really believed that shes never going to be enough for him.

"Do you really want to know the answer? Are you ready for it?" Taehyung looks at her, unblinking and Y/N nodded, already bracing herself for an answer that will break her heart forever. "Then I am going to tell ypu what they dont have instead.."

Taehyung's face is serious as he takes her hand and places it in his.

"Well, for one... they dont have my heart. This heart that just automatically surrenders to you ever since I understand what love is," he smiles, his beautiful, charming smile.

"T-tae. W-what are you-"

"Shhh. I am not done," he puts a finger on her lips to quiet her down. "You talk to much, its my turn noe. Second, they dont have the permission of your parents to marry you..." he smile wider. "And third, they dont have this ring," he took out a diamond ring from his pocket and kneels down in front of her, making Y/N speechless. "That I have been carrying around for weeks, trying to find the right time to do this,"

"T-tae?"

"Y/N... baby," he grins. "Will you make me the happiest man alive by not just being my best friend for life, but also become the love of my life, my wife, my everything?"

"I-i..."

"I can help you with that. Yes would be great," he flashed her another one of his charming smile. The same smike that has made Y/N's heart race for years, but now she knows it fully belongs to her.

"Yes. Kim Taehyung. Yes. Definitely yes

[morethanithoughtofficialblog]

Chapter 23: Don’t be so tough with yourself

In which fights and emotional instability strikes in. 

*Sans's POV*

I woke up quite late the next day, rays of sun telling me the present timeline was still there. The smell of warm coffee filled my room, and the bed was a lot less messy than usual. I looked at my left and noticed that, indeed, there was a cup of coffee, companied by a notebook with a lot of writing on the front page. I decided to read it, not before taking a sip to the drink before it got cold.

<<Sans, buddy, I don't think you should continue hiding these things. You are important, you have a family and friends that care about you. You are so young, man! You've been given the chance to go on and start from zero on the Surface, please don't waste it. You are super smart, I can feel it, and you are way more useful than you think.

Please, if not for you, then do it for your family. I bet Papyrus doesn't know anything about your problem. He may know what you have, but not WHY you have it. That's the intimate part, isn't it? I understand you want to keep Papyrus's innocence, but think of yourself at least right now. You are the most important person to your brother (From what I've seen, you guys don't have a close relationship. I am no one to judge, though).

I don't want to pressure you. I just want you to be okay. You have people to rely on- don't waste that opportunity.  Maybe you won't tell your parents, I perfectly understand. My parents don't know about my issues either. But you have your brother, friends, and if you ever want to, I'll always be open to hearing what you have to say.

Please, Sans, just be careful.

Because we all really care about you.

(P.D. If you wake up and the coffee's cold, don't hesitate to ask me for more! I'll be downstairs... Papy's probably awake already)>>

I sighed and took the cup with me. I know that what I was doing was so damn wrong, but I was truly afraid of letting go. I'm not happy like this, don't misunderstand, but... it's comfortable. Because it's predictable. And know that I have an unpredictable person in my life, what am I supposed to do?

I got dressed in simple clothes with my favorite hoodie and headed downstairs, where (Y/N) was helping my bro to make Hot Cakes. It smelled amazing, and the loud noise of dishes clacking and Paps's voice gave the house happiness. I noticed the door that leads to the room of my parents was shut down and locked from the inside, and I had the right to assume they arrived in the morning. Why? Because they would have asked about (Y/N)'s belongings on the couch (that now weren't there), about my muffled sobs, or the steps of the girl walking to my room.

"it smells good, guys" I softly commented in order to let them know about my presence. I always did that on the Underground, and I don't mean to change it any time soon.

"OH, HELLO BROTHER!" Papyrus excitedly waved at me, but was drawn by some signs that the human was making in order to get him to return to his duties. I chuckled. "EXCUSE ME, SANS, BUT I MUST NOT GET DISTRACTED WHILE COOKING!"

"Heya Sans!" (Y/N) said not looking at me, too focused on making breakfast. "Hope the coffee wasn't too cold"

"nah, it was perfect" I lazily answered and smiled wider. "i liked it a latte"

Silence dropped in for a few seconds before they realized the joke, receiving a groan and a giggle. I knew perfectly which was from whom.

"Wow" She said between her giggles "I have no words to espresso how awful that pun was"

Papyrus seemed so shocked and horrified that we both ended up laughing like crazy. He groaned louder and started to whine about how dorky we were. When we ended our laughter fit, breakfast was ready, so we sat down and started to eat. It was nice, way better than eating spaghetti all the damn mornings. I love my bro, but pasta... it sometimes makes me feel upsetti...

Heh.

The evening was great until we started to make breakfast puns. Then it became...

eggcellent.

"I SWEAR TO GOD, I'M GOING TO END BOTH OF YOU!" He screamed at some point.

"Wouldn't that make you a..." She started.

"DON'T!"

"Cereal killer?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"nice one, gal" I smirked at Paps's reaction.

"Oh jeez, I wasn't bready for that compliment" Oh my God, she is such a dork.

"wow, that pun was brewtiful"

A lot of puns came later and brightened my day. After a well-deserved breakfast and some other cups of coffee, we finally went to the school I wanted to inscribe Papyrus in. This time we used a freaking GPS and did our best to don't get distracted. Inscriptions' closure was coming and I did not want to leave my brother without school for a whole semester.

Ebott High School was a huge and modern-looking school owned by the same man that owns the university. However, they (supposedly) weren't correlated. I didn't give a damn, though. I just want the best for my bro for this period of his life. He may decide later what he wants...

Ah, the mere thought of he going away and making a new life breaks my heart. Just as he tends to say, what would I do without a cool guy like him taking care of me? I would probably just go on and ruin my life on alcohol and sleepless nights on beds made of bills. I... I need to be more optimistic towards the future, but is hard. Really hard. I have no abilities- only complex feelings that not even I can comprehend.

We entered and made our way to the reception, where (Y/N) did most of the talking. It was better that way since I felt like saying something stupid. Based on the looks that the receptionist was giving us, I could also say that he wasn't happy with us being here, so it was good for me not to say anything.

After some minutes, we entered a room where we would talk about how the process to join the school would go and many clubs that Papyrus could join after the usual schedules. It was going good, everything was going calm and happy. In that stage of the inscription, of course. The next one, on the other hand...

"I can't believe we are letting a monster access our buildings!" An employee shouted to another, who tried to keep a neutral expression and not to punch his partner on the face. "This is the real life, not some 'let's accept everyone' shit!"

"Dude, he has acceptable grades" The other one answered, seemingly bored and used to that bastard's arguments "The skeleton can even have a scholarship! Why should we not accept him?!"

"But he's incompetent!"

"Hey, if you want to say something, say it to our face!" For my surprise, (Y/N) intervened. Looking at her expression I easily noticed how irritated and annoyed she was by this guy's behavior. At least for a moment, she decided not to act shy and defend... well, she wasn't even defending herself! She was defending Papy...

And before I even got to process everything, the fight escalated further.

"You better shut up, you stupid monster whore!" WHAT THE FU-

"Oh, great! Is that all that you have?!" Welp, she snapped quite quickly. But that's how girls are, right? "Your retarded mind lives on the prehistoric age or what?! We are in the twenty-first century, you freaking moron! Are you really that stupid?! Or are you just so full of yourself you simply can't accept others by. their. fucking. looks?!"

...ok...

Maybe that's NOT how girls usually are...

But if it is, then, I must be wary around them from now on.

"You just want to get him in for your own benefit!"

"Oh, really? Tell me what benefits I'm getting at sending my friend to school. Oh, wait, there are none! I just want him to have a good life because I'm his freaking friend! But I don't expect you to understand, of course, since you have none!" Ok, if I have to be honest, I was trying not to be scared of her at this point.

"Oh, you dare to offend me?"

"More like defending what's right! And if that implies calling you every. single. swearword. I'll do it with pleasure!"

"ok, you guys better calm-" We can say that I tried to calm down the situation, but...

"DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, YOU FUCKING BAG OF BONES!!!"

"WHO THE FUCK YOU CALL A BAG OF BONES, YOU STUPID, UNHAPPY-WITH-LIFE, SLUT!"

...

...it got worse.

"HEY!" Papyrus screamed, and God knows how many decibels that sound made. "STOP OFFENDING EACH OTHER!"

(Y/N) and that unsatisfied dude looked at each other for a brief second (needless to say, with a LOT of hate) and then back at Papyrus.

"SIR..." My bro started, taking advantage of the guy's attention. "IF YOU ARE NOT OPEN TO RECEIVE SOMEONE DIFFERENT THAN YOU AT THESE BUILDINGS, THEN I MUST SAY I AM REALLY DISAPPOINTED. I-"

"Who the hell you think you are to tell me th-"

"Continue talking and I'll rip off your mouth" Ok, girls scare me. A LOT.

"AS... I WAS SAYING, SIR" Papyrus also seemed scared by the cute, shy and anxious girl's sudden behavior. "I THINK THAT, IF SOMEONE WITH A SIMPLE JOB LIKE YOURS WON'T ACCEPT ME MORALLY, THEN I GUESS THERE'S NO POINT IN TRYING TO APPLY HERE"

"..."

"...Papyrus is right" Finally, she calmed down. "If you really don't want to do your job and accept him as a student, just like everybody else, then I guess I can't force you"

She walked to the exit door and, without a word, we followed her. We three perfectly knew that more words won't make him change his mind. And less if know he was angry with the only human keeping us company.

"Have a good day, sir" And with that, the violent meeting that I never expected to see (less today) ended. We walked out of the school and walked a few meters before I heard the girl sigh.

"I'm... I'm sorry, guys" She gave us a sad, weak smile. She looked like she wanted to beat herself to death. The guilt in her eyes was so unbearable that I had to look away. "I... I probably messed up"

The thing is, that she could have taken it better. I didn't know what to tell her, because she could have cooled down in the first place. As must as I wanted to tell her something good... nothing came out at the moment.

"IT'S NOTHING, HUMAN" Papyrus gave her a smile in return but his had pride and joy. "YOU WERE JUST DEFENDING US! I AM ACTUALLY FLATTERED BY YOUR ACTIONS!"

"But I behaved horribly..." It seemed like the guilt would never disappear. "I could have acted better, not saying swears, goddamnit! But I... I lost my cool... I'm truly sorry"

We remained in silence for a bit. It was becoming more and more painful, and I didn't want her to beat down herself after this incident, so I decided to make a move.

"hey... we all lose our cool sometimes, right?" I smiled weakly, trying to lighten up her expression at least a bit. It didn't work. I sighed and continued, not having any other reasonable choice. "that guy acted like such a bastard to us and to you, (y/n). you just defended yourself, and unfortunately, that's something that we all have to do some time or another. that guy didn't deserve mercy from someone like you. you did the right thing"

"But not the way I-"

"stop livin' in the past, kid" I bet it was easy to notice the worry in my eyes and how my smile was shaking. "you behaved differently from the usual, that's why you feel weird. but you did good"

"...Are you sure?"

"ABSOLUTELY!" Ah, Papyrus. Always cheerful, no matter what.

"T-thanks... so we... are we still f-friends?"

Wait, did she really think she would lose us because of that?

"OF COURSE, HUMAN! YOU CAN NOT GET RID OF US THAT EASILY!"

She smirked, dropping a few tears when she closed her eyes.

She... she was THAT scared?  

"So I... I guess we'll search for another school, then?" She smiled way brighter, and I felt way more at ease.

"I GUESS SO, HUMAN" Papyrus was still smiling with pure joy... how does he do that?

"if... if you don't want to be there, kid, we will understand" I bluntly said, not really thinking before talking. Thankfully, she didn't take it the wrong way.

"H-hey! If I'm not there, then who'll be the human that'll mess up with the bastards?!" She laughed eagerly and, without thinking of anything else, I smiled as well. Seeing her so relieved and calmer was nice- I couldn't do much but to give her a smile in return.

"nice" I smirked. "let's go grab some grub right now, k?"

"SANS! WE ATE LESS THAN AN HOUR AGO!"

"i know. and it's killin' me"

To my delight, she laughed at our conversation. To hear her like that rather than rambling about her "mistakes" puts an idiotic smile on my face. It's so weird.

Ok, calm down Sans.

She's a friend.

There's no way you could-

"Hey, Sans" She smiled sweetly, the gaze in her eyes softening "You've been quiet for a while... is there something wrong?"

...

Shit.

"nah, don't sweat it" My wink was as fake as my confidence... heh. "just thinkin' of somethin'"

"IS THAT SO?" I know this makes me a really messed up big brother, but... for an instant, I forgot about Papy's existence... I'm such an idiot. "MAY WE KNOW WHAT YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT, BROTHER?"

Oh hell no.

"nope"

"C' MON!"

"no"

"Sans, hey..." Oh no, not her. Please don't beg me, please, please! "You can tell us anything, okay? I... must admit I am a bit curious, but if it's something deeply personal, then we'll understand..."

And there it was, that so sweet smile of hers.

This is becoming so stupid.

I wanted to forget about it, but it's not easy to forget someone WHEN THAT PERSON IS IN FRONT OF YOU.

"Hey..." God, I remained silent again, didn't I? "Are... are you-"

"i'm fine, don't worry about me...?" Idiot! Why did it come as a question?!

"...You sure?"

"definitely" Wow, that didn't sound suspicious at all, you freaking moron "i'm just a bit... overwhelmed, we can say, for all the sudden changes of these last months"

Well, at least I didn't lie...

I mean, I did, but at the same time, I didn't...

This day should have been called "The day where Sans is more idiotic than usual".

We ended up going to a café to calm down (and to not get back home, since Papyrus didn't want to) and have a drink. Since we didn't succeed in getting him into the school, there weren't now any plans. Just a normal hangout, I guess. It was becoming more difficult to concentrate on the chat they were having, and my mind being a bitch, it decided to think more of... how she is. Why? I have NO FUCKING IDEA.

It's... funny. Funny how she, a human with the capacity to have it all, it's so nervous to show confidence at all. She doubts all her decisions, she thinks she's not good at all, and that no one would truly... like her by the way she is.

I remember that, when I was younger, I used to believe I could do it all. That one day, even, I would free everyone from the Underground. I'm still confident about who I am, and even if I'm lazy and a good for nothing... I'm happy. What scares me is that the kid decides to take away that happiness from me. But overall, I like my life. She, on the other hand, doesn't. And I don't know why...

I want to know why...

Looking at her, the bright smile she had when talking to Papy, the sweet tone of her voice when she asks for anything, and the pleasant light of her eyes... it's not easy to hate yourself when you simply don't have many reasons to. Her shy personality, the way she stutters when she realizes she's being passionate about something, her humble attitude... she is great overall. She has a great heart, why she has self-doubt? Or depression, even?

I'm starting to think too much about this.

I noticed awfully late that I was staring at them, and I looked away when their eyes were already on me. I stared, instead, at my untouched glass of Coke.

"BROTHER?" Oh no. "ARE YOU OKAY? YOU LOOK LIKE YOU ARE HAVING A ROUGH TIME"

"You've been awfully quiet, Sans..." Shit... "Are you sure you are okay?"

"...yeah" I'm so stupid! Yay! "i'm okay, really. just... i was just thinking"

"AGAIN?" Shit, I used the same excuse.

"yep"

They looked at each other for a brief second, back at me, then sighed (surprisingly at the same time).

"sorry" I started, feeling guilty of the worry they had in their looks "i'm just... i'm really just thinking, it's just... weird. my mind's been acting weird lately. and i'm dealing with that"

Wow, I finally said the truth.

"...I see" She smiled again, and I swear to God I. FUCKING. BLUSHED. "It's okay, Sans. We all have our days when our mind seems different, right? With all the changes you guys are having... I bet it's been quite something, isn't it? And, uh... more with what happened earlier, I suppose"

"YEAH, IT'S BEEN WEIRD LATELY" Papy admitted, surprising me a bit. "ESPECIALLY WITH SANS. HE'S NOT ACTING AS HE USED ON THE UNDERGROUND... HE ACTS MORE LIKE WHEN HE WAS ONLY WITH ME AT HOME. HE DIDN'T USE TO SHOW HIS FEELINGS AS MUCH AS HE DOES NOW" Is that so?

"maybe you are right, bro" I winked, trying to put aside my weird feelings and thoughts. "anyway, eh... do you think they'll have any limes here?"

"Limes or lemons?"

"limes"

(Y/N) called out a waitress and asked for limes and... guacamole.

"guacamole?" I raised an "eyebrow" (not sure what to call 'em).

"I'm... I 'm hungry, ok?"

"OH MY GOD, WE ATE LESS THAN TWO HOURS AGO"

"I know, that's why I hate it"

"can we have some?"

"SANS!"

"Sure, you can take however you want"

"I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD TELL SANS THAT" My brother (wisely) adviced her. "OR ELSE HE WON'T LEAVE YOU A SINGLE BIR OF IT!"

We both chuckled, and more when the guacamole arrived instantly. Papyrus looked irritated, but as must as he won't admit it, he also took some guacamole now and then. We started to talk about which other schools would be great for him, but it turned out that not even the girl knew too much about it. I suddenly felt how an unnoticeable headache disappeared and my head cleared into the conversation.

And if you are going to ask me "hey, Sans, are you going to use this weird headache as an excuse?" then let me tell you that YES.

"I wasn't born here, you know..." She, again, smiled. And I was trying to calm down, of course. "I'm from a city that is a bit far from Ebott"

"REALLY?" My brother, too, was interested. "HOW FAR?"

"Probably five hours... or maybe a bit less"

"since when you are here, then?"

"Since I was eighteen, I have now four years studying and working here" She continued calmly. like if she was waiting for anyone to ask her about this. Oh lord, isn't she lonely? I pity her. "By that reason, I only started university here... that's maybe why I don't know a lot of high schools around here. I know more about kindergartens, though"

K-kindergartens?

Why would she search for kindergartens?!

Does...

Does she...?

"why?"

"An ol' friend I know since middle school has a kiddo, and I've been trying to help Miranda to have her signed into a good school"

I wanted to sigh out in relief but I realized it would be WAY too weird, so I didn't.

"OH!" Papyrus seemed delighted to hear about a little kid, I guess. "CAN WE MEET THE HUMAN CHILD?"

"Of course!" (Y/N), as well, seemed delighted with the idea to present the kid to us "She is really nice and creative, and my friend is pretty good!"

Now I really sighed this time, not truly wanting to deal with kids. However, they looked pretty enthusiastic about it... I knew my thoughts would not matter. I just hope that the little girl doesn't get scared, or else Papyrus will feel bad with himself. Also, because I don't want to make an early Halloween (and yes, I know about that sick festive day humans do every October. It makes me want to die).

"MIRANDA IS YOUR FRIEND?"

"Ah, yes. And her child is called Miriam"

"WOWIE! I HOPE WE REALLY CAN MEET HER!"

"Yep, I hope so too" She looked at her cellphone for barely two seconds and sighed, seemingly in relief. Then her eyes focused on the empty bowl of guacamole and my empty glass of Coke with a hell lot of limes. "I suppose... I suppose w-we are done eating, right?"

"really? i thought we were getting started" I joked, getting out a small giggle from her and a light groan from my brother.

"WE ARE DEFINITELY OVER WITH THE EATING FOR NOW!" My grumpy brother glanced at me and, naturally, I winked.

"Ok, eh..." She fidgeted a bit, showing a shy smile... how many times I have mentioned her smile by now? "Do you want to, uh, hang out for a bit? I think it's a bit, you know, uh... late for searching a school?"

"i agree"

"YOU JUST DON'T WANT TO DO ANYTHING, SANS!" He scolded me, getting another of my famous winks as a response. "BUT YEAH! WE WILL SURELY BE GLAD TO HANG OUT WITH YOU FOR THE REST OF THE DAY!"

I nodded and we all headed out of the café to go to... wherever. We walked through the streets, hearing the complaining of Papyrus when he saw most of the people on a car. One of Papy's goals is to ride a red convertible, the sun hitting his skin, and the air moving his hair.

Of course, most of it will never happen, but... he sure can have a car. We just don't have enough money.

Oh. That brings me to another point.

I need to get a fucking job.

Gaster, suspiciously, has not been gaining enough money on his nice job. Arial, I don't know what the hell she is doing, and I don't want Papyrus to put his studies aside. I need to get a job, any job I could ever think of. Money is money, whatever we gain will help.

We ended up going to a park, where we gained a couple of stares...

Actually, we got a lot.

Fortunately, (Y/N) seemed to control her irritation this time, so even if other people would try to search a fight, we remained calm. Instead of shouting, she just was sarcastic, but we never got into anything bigger. We sat under a tree, away from people, just talking about any topic. Papyrus and I would constantly ask about the Surface. She, on the other hand, would ask about the Underground. It was nice, and we remained there until eight pm.

"Ah, jeez..." She said when she looked at the time. "I think I should be getting home by now"

"BUT HUMAN, YOU CAN STAY ONE MORE DAY WITH US!" He looked so disappointed it was becoming clearly difficult for her to deny.

"Sorry, Paps" She sadly looked at him, trying to convince him. "I have work tomorrow"

"well..." Oh my God, what are you doing?! "can we at least go with you?"

She looked at me a bit taken-back, my nervousness increasing with every passing second. Papyrus seemed eager with the idea to go with her, so he helped me convince her.

"YES HUMAN!" Nice excuse, bro. "WE SHALL GO WITH YOU!"

"Ah, I... isn't it a bit late?"  

"that's exactly what we mean, kid"

"YES, HUMAN! IT'S DANGEROUS TO GO ALONE!" Why do I feel like I've heard that line before?

"We will need to take the subway, though..."

"no problemo"

"Oh... ah, ok! If you insist..." She may not admit it, but she had a goofy grin on her face. She seemed so eager about it- about not going alone.

Aaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnddddddddddddd........ Papyrus squealed so loud I almost thought I turned deaf. I may not have ears, but gosh, that really hurt.

"IT IS SETTLED, THEN!" He struck a heroic pose he used to do a lot on the Underground. "OFF WE GO!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*Your POV*

I don't know why, but the skelebros insisted to go with me to my home. Sans had a calm expression, but Papyrus was really impatient about my answer. After answering yes, he made the loudest squeal that the Earth has ever heard.

We got away from the partially calm environment of the park and went through the city streets, busy as always. Ah, this urban life... I absolutely hate it. It's so monotone that it depresses me every day. It's so boring I can't do much but fantasize about how the Underground could have been. A place with different people, where almost everybody knew each other and the day-by-day events did not involve stupid contamination and cliché campaigns.

Talking about my daily routine, after some minutes we arrived at the subway that tends to take me home every day I go out. As usual, the place was as full as a bar on a messed up weekend. People either coming out from work or carrying their tired kids, the subway stations have become like my second home. For groceries, for work, for even visiting a friend... I go there almost every day, unless I decide to stay home. But that usually doesn't happen.

The glances were there, just like in the park. Judging glances with every step we took, it didn't matter how tired everyone was... they just looked. Hate, amusement, disappointment... no wonder why this world is so fucked up. I didn't say anything for our sake, but I really wanted to kill everyone in the place (except the skeletons) and then myself. However, I should not lose control of myself like that again.

I felt somewhat guilty for having both of the skeletons by my side, when they could have been relaxing on their own home at that precise moment. I must admit, though, that I appreciated the company. Papyrus kept me entertained with various experiences of his past and Sans cracked occasionally a joke or two. It became less unbearable, and the glances soon stopped to be a burden.

Before I could tell, we were already at my station. We went out of the subway and headed to my little old apartment. The younger brother insisted on being with me until I arrived safely, and the older brother just went along with it. Just a step inside the "living room" and I remembered that episode on the bathroom... about the mirror, I mean!

I'm a fucking mess.

When they left me, teleported by Sans's skills, the loneliness hit me. I started to do my usual night ritual, but it felt really odd. Like... like if I haven't done it before.

God, I miss my old life. When I was a freaking kid with no cares in this world.

I miss my father.

I miss my friends.

I miss...

I miss my home.

I miss it so much.

I looked over the place and realized how messy it was. Papers on the main and small table, a weird ball of blankets on top of my bed, a lot of fast food trash on the couch, tons of dishes in the kitchen, and dry blood on the bathroom. Everything was disorganized, no signs of the girl I used to be when I was still studying. When I was still with him.

I went to my closet, which unsurprisingly had bunches of clothes accumulated, and searched for my old cellphone. I was feeling so nostalgic and blank that I needed to remind myself what was real and what wasn't. I was so sad that I wanted a reason to stop thinking of the present and cling on the past.

Sans's words hit me: "Stop living in the past". It is so true about myself that it hurts. It hurts a lot.

I use to think about my past a lot- the mistakes I made, the happy moments I had, my past nightmares, my old ambitions... it is so strange how things changed so quickly. How I stopped being that cheerful kid and started to be this always-tired woman.

After some tough research, I found that cellphone I got when I was about to leave middle school. Ah, that day. I was so happy I took like two hundred photos in less than an hour, most of them starring my smiling dad and me.

Tears fell down my face when I got to see those photos again. Each of one reminded me of phrases he used to tell me. Of how proud he was of me. Of how hopeful he was towards the future. MY future.

He promised me so many times that I was going to become the best scientist in all the world. That I would be the difference. That I would change everything and be the hope for a lot of people. And now, I'm not even the hope of myself. I can't even look at the mirror and stop myself from cringing of what I see. A stupid, messy, horrible human that has done nothing but destroy herself.

Sniffs turned into sobs as the time passed and the images showed. There were also photos of my favorite restaurants, of Miranda and me, of all the projects I was proud of, of my baseball cards, of my three-year-old drawings... of my proud and happy expression. It was so heartbreaking to think I was her. I was that child with bright (e/c) eyes and lively smile. That kid that used to play baseball pretty good and had an unhealthy but wonderful obsession with the Red Sox players. That child... that smart and productive child.

Sobbing turned into crying when a photo of my mother and me showed up. Ah, that woman- I loved her so much before she turned her back on both of us. Before she started to fight with dad about everything. Before she told me everything was my fault. That nostalgic picture, she carrying me with the proudest smile and me kissing her cheek with a proud smile.

It hurts so much.

It hurts.

It hurts.

It hurts...

I wished someone else could understand why.

Why, out of everything that has happened, I'm mostly only proud of who I once was.

Why those smiles I showed mean more to me than anything.

Why my eyes seem so different.

wHy i hATE mE SO mUCh.

More photos of the three of us were there. It was so painful to notice the genuineness in our expressions. Of how wonderful and innocent our happy times were. Of how we supported each other in the hard days. Of how, even if the day was bad, we gathered together and played, laughed, hugged...

I wanted to scream. To let out all the pain and go back to that small, cheerful world. As much as I try to be happy and proud of what I'm doing now, my mind continues to shout that I did better on the past and that it doesn't matter how hard I try, because I will never be that kid again. Now I have people that try to support me. I have people that, indeed, are trying to help me get through this. Hell, I even know someone that has that same feeling of dread.

I remembered how helpless Sans looked the day before, of how devoid of hope he seemed. How desperate he was for having someone, ANYONE, to hold him and tell him that is okay to cry. It's... it's funny. It's so funny how he is a happy comedian to everyone on the outside, but the inside is more than that.

This is not a joke.

This is not a FUCKING JOKE.

That's the life of a desperate monster we are talking over here. Of a devastated brother that tries to help him in any way. Of an oblivious mother that will soon regret leaving him alone. Of a disappointed father that will shed tears if he finds out what he had done.

While I'm crying, a lot of people are, too. Their tears, like mine, remain lost in the never-ending darkness that their life has become. Silent screams that they need to say out loud, but they can't. Because they are alone. They feel alone, as much as I do. Or even worse. And thinking that someone is in a worse situation than I am... it's not recomforting. It truly isn't.

I changed my clothes into my usual pajama. I did my nightly ritual, just as I do every day. But this time, I stood in front of the broken mirror, looking at the distorted version of me it reflects. I put my sleeves up only to reveal all the cuts I created. It looked like a sad painting of someone trying to escape.

And that's exactly what I am right now.