#‘cause I’m annoyed at myself
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..well, I can at least say I’ve written over 1300 words today
..they just haven’t been for anything I was supposed to be working on, like exam revision
(because they were for an arilio scene instead)
#heart of the void#*flops*#at least I have this document as something tangible to show for myself today#considering how entirely unproductive the rest of the day (and honestly week) has and have been#I am NOT going to bed late tonight because if I’m like this tomorrow I will be in such dire straits for my exam that it isn’t even funny#unfortunate echoes#‘cause I’m annoyed at myself#I hope things are better for everyone else though#selfship: of flowers unchained (clio/aria)#is I suppose also a fitting tag#selfshipping#I haven’t even finished the scene either but I sort of can’t until I know where it slots into the ongoing origins story#since we haven’t quite played up to the point of where it would be happening in canon. - I’m just trying to prepare it for when we get there#that full stop should not be there
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You don't like the goblet? Can we get rid of the goblet, please?
#i need him so bad i made like 45 gifs of the teaser and i’m restraining myself from posting them cause i’d be very ✨annoying✨#sam reid#lestat de lioncourt#iwtv#iwtv s3#interview with the vampire#tuserlivia#iwtvedit#amc iwtv#amc interview with the vampire#rockstat#rockstar lestat
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gay blindness
#tumblr gets this first bc i’m nervous#now time to yap#this playthrough kinda annoyed me at times just cause of the commentary but i’m lazy so i finished it#anyways i wanted to challenge myself to make an animatic#(sort of)#and dgs/tgaa is all i’ve been able to think abt lately#i just love the cast sm#prob more than the mainline games tbh#i’ve been kinda circling the aa fandom for a while#but the sheer number of games was kinda overwhelming#so ig having tgaa be just two made it easier#ok yap over#the great ace attorney#dai gyakuten saiban#ace attorney#ryunosuke naruhodo#susato mikotoba#barok van zieks#kazuma asogi#masked disciple#baroryuu#asoryuu#??? i guess#lavrose art#fanart#animatic#art#update my friend told me this was 2019 fandom animatic vibes#and like. yes#i’m making up for lost time fr
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imogen: *is known to have suicidal tendencies*
Me, as of late, whenever she shows any glimpse of those suicidal tendencies: NO BITCH YOU STOP THAT!! YOU STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!! YOU HAVE TO LIVE MF!! YOU HAVE TO LIVE FOR ME!!
(i love her with my whole entire heart)
#to the point where I’m even getting annoyed with myself#like i have to remind myself hey she’s a character let her go through her storyline this makes sense for her#and it’s like yes I know that is correct but also SHE CANNOT DIE NOT ON MY WATCH#which is a struggle when it comes to imodna cause their respect for each other’s agency truly is all encompassing#and they’re very adamant on permitting the other to die on their own terms and like yes given the context that’s so important#but also#fully not ready for that heartbreak#imodna#southern gothic#imogen temult#laura bailey#critical role#cr#c3#bells hells
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NEW BABYGIRL DROPPED SORRY MUTUALS I WILL NOT SHUT UP ABOUT HIM
#hsr spoilers#honkai star rail spoilers#mr reca#hsr#honkai star rail#I might skip Sunday to save up for him because his design screams PLAYABLE to me#I kinda spoiled myself for the quest cause I haven’t finished it yet 💀#I am so down bad I think my friends all think I’m annoying#also hello fellow Reca lovers
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this is a test
#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like#what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or#smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140#haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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crying whenever i talk about Cookie9 because all my friends have these interesting and unique theories on them while i take everything too literally and they all just stare at me like “dude… uuugh we r TIRED” <-they dont actually say this they are very kind to me but i can Feel It
#my version of them is centered around their blog version with the ‘personality’ of their steam review and like a bunch of HC#i developed them with the implication that they’re Real but i’m a bit iffy on it#because all my friends have theories about how they’re from the narrator’s consciousness which is sick as hell#and i’m unsure how to actually structure everything or if i should go the same route so i can get approval from them </3#my friends r the real reviewer fans even though they dont plague themselves over them every day and im so sad that i don’t know anythinggg#gggggggggggg#like im p sure they genuinely hate the stuff i make about cookie9 and im just. scrumbles myself. sorry im Trying :( i’m not smart#or good at writing or even media literate#whatever that term means#all i have is love in my heart for them i don’t know anything at all#ouhghghhg they hate It so much but i cant do anything else and it’s all i have#like all my cookie9 stuff works on the ‘what if their blog self Was Real’ but i’m not actually sure how to fit it all into my actual parabl#stuff because i still havent worked out how my parable itself works#and people probably don’t think i know enough and i don’t think they’ll approve if i try. so i Don’t#tempted to blame this on my like. general crushing lack of intelligence caused by both physical and mental reasons#but i want to believe i could do better if i try? but that’s incredibly hopeful#i’ll be stuck here forever i think#<-guy who. whenever Anything wrong happens ever. just goes back to ‘oh yeah its because im dumb as fuckign rocks. due to the Incidents’#i am very scared of the possibility that it is possible for me to be anything more because that implies that i’m stupid because i didnt try#even though i’m trying very very fucking hard and every time i get something wrong way more than anyone else i’ve ever known#and they hate me for it . MAN!!!!!!!!!#<-brain is lying 2 me i think nobody hates me or . whatever. it still feels like it though im just saying this because i dont want anyone t#think people genuinely hate me for being stupid. i mean. people DO. but not my friends ☝��#man i can’t even get into the buglivia crap either because she is so abstracted from her actual review#girl w identity issues and also the general normal Changing A Lot Through Time. i scrumble her. around#her Self during 2018 would in fact be in character for the review.i want to draw her during that time. she took everything so seriously </3#tbh my version of her does react well to TSP humor but at the time she felt like she wasn’t allowed 2 Do Her Thing and tried to seem#more professional and Normal and it seeped into EVERYTHING for a bit#cookie9 though just genuinely found the narrator annoying and patronizing. its just not his thing and thats fine#<-random nonsensechemical reviewer bits hidden inside the vents. SEND POST.
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Ok I‘m not even gonna be mad about my mother nearly killing me by giving me food with nuts in it (it’s been 19 years)…
but she just asked me “hey do you like X food” and I told her no, cause I have been telling her I hate it so much I won’t eat a single bite for decades at this point? And she’s annoyed? Literally why do I even bother when all I get is being screamed at + anything I actually say is ignored? Is it normal to just? So completely not give a shit about anything your son tells you? Ever?
#the only thing she remembers about me is mistakes I make#i mean maybe it’s a joke but I barely eat when I’m here#cause when I DO buy myself food they get annoyed for me taking up space to cook#or “no don’t cook I will make food” and then the food makes me nauseous to even look at#am I overreacting?
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Vent/prayer request
I went to a new chiro yesterday (trying someone out because of a recommendation) and the first appointment last week was fine. But this week, a different person adjusted me, and cracked my neck (which my PT said is *not* good for my neck). So…I had a migraine all of today, it’s doing better, but the other side of my neck has still been twinging a little. Not terrible but it’s the side that got *really bad* in the summer, so just…prayers that it doesn’t get worse and that I’ll be okay till Pt on Monday and that that appointment will help 🫠
Oh and my stomach has also been giving me issues…like, I don’t have an appetite a lot of times. And literally thinking about thanksgiving makes me 🥴 because none of the food sounds good…I don’t know whats’s going on but I’d appreciate prayers for that too 🥲
#also wisdom for this chiro cause we paid in advance…I think if I can get them to do gentle like the first time it should be fine…#but…yeah I’m annoyed to say the least…at them and myself for not saying something during the adjustment…#I just was not expecting it at all…#prayer request
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I finally finished the save breakdown I was writing up in my pages app. I have lists of what all my saves are named in various notebooks but I’ve never taken the time to write out what each save is for or the intended purpose.
I did this because I wanted to be sure I wasn’t just making the same save over and over again. If it exists already then I need to play that save, this is an attempt to keep myself from making new saves this year. At this point I have too many options anyway so I need to stick with the ones I have.
Now I need to make note of which saves are being shared on social media versus just discord or not at all. Since I have so many I need to narrow down what is accessible to everyone and what I keep for me. It’s so hard to keep any of it to myself cause I want others to see my cool things but maybe if I make it clear for myself what I share then I can ease up on myself.
I don’t know where the pressure comes from but it’s always there and I have to find ways to combat that so I can continue to enjoy my game. I didn’t join the community to end up not playing my game because I’m worrying about fitting in or whatever. Anyway.
I might clean up my pinned post, though that seems exhausting cause I don’t really know what I was doing when I set it up but I know it’s missing links to so many tags.
#I annoy myself with how abruptly I end my post lol#this one is all over the place#it’s like a stream of consciousness#I just write what I’m thinking cause I don’t expect anyone to read these long ass posts#bless your heart if you do#I’m kissing you romantically if you read all these long ass posts#simblr#black simmer#black simblr#the sims 4
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Finally properly sobbing after not being able to cry all day is such a great feeling
#long distance is actually so terrible I’m dying over here#you might be like ‘anne you’ve been in an ldr for three years now how are you not used to it?’#and the answer is that the pain gets worse every time! and the most annoying thing is that usually it peaks the first night apart and goes#easier from there; but if my mental health is bad enough in other areas it will stick around for up to two weeks which I can already tell i#happening. so that’s good#and as you may remember from me posting about it; things were a little rocky for a while because of my OCD as well as me just being a#terrible person. not really; I need to speak to myself with kindness#but also I think I’m just a bad person. like just through and through not a good person#not that I really think good or bad people exist it’s just everyone does some harm and some good and you can’t nearly divide that into good#or bad#or at least that’s what I tell myself when I think back on the shitty things I’ve done#which is a lot.#but long story short my idiocy did not cause them to dump me even though they easily could have#anyway fuck I just miss my partner and it’s unfair they’re not holding me in this moment#now I just have to keep making amends and working on myself so I don’t do it in the future. I didn’t cheat if anyone’s wondering; I feel#we’re gonna call later anyway so hopefully that will help. and I do feel better for sobbing#like that’s always my assumption when other people blog like this lol#apologies for the tag rant but it is my own post lol#this isn’t even mentioning my academic stress because that does feel secondary to the everything else#because I think I get like a camouflage worry where my brain will tell me I’m freaking out about school#but really it’s a cover for the really painful stuff underneath#anyway. this too shall pass and no emotion is forever and I will see my partner again and we’ll have a long life together :-)#anne speaks
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You know what? *headcannons your Seong Gi-hun as autistic.*
#squid game#seong gi hun#He’s autistic cause I’m autistic and I said so#but also tbh he reminds me of myself when it comes to blindly trusting in others and seeing everyone hate on him for that#is so annoying because I do that lmfao
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What do you mean now that I’m done writing my 4K word Jaya fic that now I have to proofread it? 😨 can’t my writing just do that itself :( no edit, only write >:[
#whyyyyyyy#I’m so lazy#I also recently deleted my grammar checker#cause it was annoying me#so now I have to do it the old fashioned way#why do i do this to myself
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My roommate and I had a conversation last night and I keep rotating it in my brain and I Don’t Like It
#blue chatter#they called me a resilient person. and no the fuck I am not. I break down so easily over everything and my body is falling apart on me.#I scream in terror when someone knocks on the door too hard the fuck you mean I’m good at handling adversity#I pointed out that I freak out whenever my grade gets low even a little bit#and they were just sitting there like ‘yeah. and then you pick yourself up again and you do the work.’#and no? not always? oftentimes I give up and don’t try hard enough to fix it and let points go that I could have earned#I barely ever go for extra credit opportunities and I’ve never gone to office hours of my own free will#I can’t even think about talking to a professor about a bad grade without wanting to cry? hello?#but they were insistent that even with those things I am still managing Incredibly Well in class given the circumstances. which made me#uncomfortable. like. I don’t think of myself as resilient At All and I feel a bit like I’m lying or tricking them.#I start shaking like a chihuahua when people are upset and I’m In The Vicinity. even when they’re clearly not upset with me.#I really struggle to advocate for myself ever and even when I do I usually feel guilty and walk it back partway so I don’t cause a fight#and I always get way too emotional for the situation when someone has anything they’re upset with me for. which isn’t fair to them bc I need#to be able to take constructive criticism without taking it as a personal attack on me.#like what the fuck do you mean *resilient*. I can’t even handle seeing a bug flying near my face or getting a B in a class. or being told#that I did something wrong. I’m actually significantly worse at handling adversity than I used to be. high school me was a resilientish kid.#and it’s not like I was ever *good* at handling my emotions. even when it was essential for my safety. I’ve always cried way too easily#even when it actively made the situation I was in Much Worse. even when I knew better.#I would get angry and scared and sad and start shaking and crying and even screaming at my parents when they were mad at me even though#I knew that it would always make my life much worse. and extend an already beleaguered argument.#I brought this up with my therapist and she was like ‘well. anybody would have done that if they were treated like you were’.#which. okay. maybe so. I still feel like I should have been able to handle it and just shut up and move on and not make it worse.#but I am aware that this is probably a cognitive distortion. even so. that definitely doesn’t make me resilient.#I just. I feel gross being called resilient. I’m not. I’m weak and easily scared and unable to handle even small amounts of adversity.#the fuck is my roommate even *seeing*.#the annoying part is that they’re generally an insightful person about other people and I know logically that they’re probably right#which is why I’m not going to complain any more about this to their face bc I should just drop it and not make it a Thing#I talk too much about myself and my problems anyway. not every conversation has to be about my brain worms.#but the discomfort is Distinct and Unpleasant. and now I’m just having to sit with it. and Feel Uncomfortable. and try to accept what was#definitely intended as a compliment. I know it’s draining to talk to someone who doesn’t accept any of the kind things you say about them.
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ughhh I hate when my mental illness ails me
#disco speaks!#I’ve just been bored and numb and that’s just depression and it’s so annoying#I’m excited to see some of my friends again but I am also so afraid of the ache I will feel afterwards#like I try to go out on a lil adventure somewhere but a lot of it is trying to make sure my sister is semi enjoying herself#plus I can’t be myself really#I hate having to ask for rides cause I would like to hang out but I feel bad cause I don’t have transportation
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.
#little rant sorry guys 🙏🙏🙏 (I lied it’s a very long rant) you’ve been warned ⛔️⚠️⚠️⚠️xx#I’m mad at everyone but mostly myself because I know it’s my fault#it’s just the fact that I’m annoying. It’s why everyone treats me this way#and some of them I don’t even think they notice the way they treat me. Because I’m such a second thought to them#and even people who are supposed to be my “best friends” don’t give a shit about me half the time#more than half actually#and it just makes me sooo ughhhhhhgg#cause what am I even living for at this point#and it just pisses me off. And at the end of the day I get treated like shit and blame on it myself and still love them#I just want to be wanted. And like actually wanted not fake wanted.#I want to be thought of I want to be invited I wanna get told that someone loves me#I want to not fear that I’ll be completely forgotten (already am)#I want to be a first option. I want to be loved. I want someone to return the effort I put into every fucking relationship#because I actually get nothing in return. In fact I get the opposite in return I get to be treated like I don’t exist by the people I love#just. what the fuck. I hate life#and I hate myself so fucking much ughhh#okay sorry if you read that whole thing mwah 🙏❤️
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