#‘You were gone so suddenly’

[zoennes]

“So you would have answered?”

08 MEI, 2019 ● WOENSDAG, 12:21

[kit-screams-into-the-future]

drawing your favorite guys being silly is very effective at keeping The Horrors at bay

bonus doc from a different canvas:

[synonymroll648]

ok so hypothetically with the way sophie’s teleporting works would she just like. be banned from races of any kind because she’d inevitably think super hard on where she wants to go and already be traveling fast and just teleport there?

like she’s doing a silly lil bike race (she canonically rode a bike as a kid and he probably figured out how to ride one in the forbidden cities) w/ keefe one moment and the next she’s in the void and she’s like :| and does the Teleport of Shame to the finish line to hail him to apologize and wait for him. fitz invites her to go running with him at evergreen but makes it clear it’s not a race because he’s heard what happens when she races people, and they’re doing fine jogging for a while and then she sees biana off-course and gets too excited and accidentally runs into her the ground via teleporting.

if she’s in a cab with dex on a forbidden cities mission, could she accidentally teleport the cab to their destination?? how would the black swan cover that up???

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

Both my parents actually suffer from HORRID emotional dysregulation and are prone to snapping and going into rages. My sister is the same way tbh. I am now realizing this is why they are constantly baffled by the question of whether or not I am mad at them.

I don't have external meltdowns.

I could. I don't let it happen.

I keep my rage on the inside and stay pretty quiet about it. It's just as strong as theirs [physically shaking nose bleed from high blood pressure kind of bad], but like as a kid I saw how terrifying it was to be around [dad breaking dishes, mom putting our lawn chairs into walls] and I just internalized that I wasn't going to wear that anger on the outside.

So my mother genuinely cannot tell if I am just being quiet or if I am silently hearing the dial-up noises of pure rage. This has lead her to both making strong and confident statements like "You are a pacifist who would never hurt a fly U.U" but also acting like I am secretly dangerous maybe... It's because she has never seen me snap.

She knows what her temper is like [throwing chairs through walls], she knows what my father's temper is like [pick up child and toss out door], and she can tell I am being tested, but she doesn't know what happens when I snap or where that breaking point is.

Her -perhaps unhinged- solution to this, my whole life, has been to do things that should obviously enrage me or shut me down completely, like ignoring important boundaries, repeatedly, punishing me for expressing emotions or needs at all, etc... And then to constantly ask me if I am angry with her when I get too quiet [right after near directly telling me to shut up].

It has occurred to me now, they have never once seen me lose my temper, so they literally just can't tell if I am angry at them. My sister is easy, my mother fights and screams with my sister constantly, my mother understands this. My mother doesn't have any grasp of feelings or boundaries that are not screamed at her [apparently, and I fear my sister is the same way]. Her and my sister are close despite constant fucking fighting because they understand each other.

They are trying to get me to engage the same way and it is not working. I realize now that this has been hard for them.

I was so successfully taught to suppress my emotions, by being punished for any outburst, that rage quiet looks the same as any other kind of quiet from the outside. To them anyway.

I did tell her. For the record. I used my words. I did tell her very calmly that my response to rage, in order to avoid doing the things that terrified me as a child, was to simply leave [the autistic urge to GTFO]. When a situation or person causes too much of the dial-up rage noise, I simply extract myself from that situation, up to and including never speaking to a person again. I explained this calmly. I explained it calmly 100 times and I explained that I explain myself calmly as my rage response 1-5 [also pretty much every other negative emotion tbh], and I told her that what came next was me simply opting out and fucking off. I told her this. I couldn't understand why she never took me seriously, or why she never fucking understood.

I couldn't understand what made her like this.

But it's the same problem I have with everyone else multiplied by a factor of 10.

If I am explaining myself calmly, they can't understand that it's actually serious or that I am actually upset. ESPECIALLY because they read me as "female" and women "aren't that rational" so if I am not screaming and crying about something, which I never do, people assume I can't be upset and it isn't serious.

And then after having my boundaries ignored too many times despite having calmly explained how and why it's a problem [shaking inside or not]... I leave. I leave and everyone gets upset like this is unexpected behaviour, even though I told them 50 times that is how I would respond if they kept doing *the thing.*

And for neurotypical people especially, they are expecting there to be a disconnect between what someone says they need or feel and what their actually boundaries and feelings are, and they expect the latter to be demonstrated with emotions. Telling them bluntly you do not function that way somehow never helps?

My mother isn't just looking for normal yelling or a few tears to know I am serious, whether or not I do those either [I don't], she's looking for an explosion to know there's a problem at all.

Fucked if I know how she proceeds through life this way in general or if this is just her expectation of her own kids???

And I couldn't get why my mother couldn't read my emotions and didn't seem to think I have any. It's because she's testing for the rage limit to see where my 'actual' limit is instead of taking my word for it. Never the fuck mind that she could simply *not* test at my boundaries instead of letting me have them. Separate issue.

I couldn't figure out what made her *like this*

She's expecting me to throw a giant meltdown violent tantrum at people when I have 'actually' had enough. Maybe she got away with those being like 5'4" in another time, but I am the size of the average man, I do not get to have giant screaming rages, whether or not people perceive me consciously as a woman, and least of all because a lot of people -at least unconsciously- read me as 'masculine' or at least always "they guy" of the situation compared to all other women and some men [bigger stronger and more rational, more able to just absorb the damage and let it go so the less rational screaming/crying one doesn't have to be dealt with]. Even if it was in me to be willing to terrify people [usually never], there are such limited instances where it wouldn't just blow back on me. Potentially very dangerously.

I am going to be the quiet calm one. You are going to have to let me use my words, bitch.

So she kept ignoring my boundaries until I had to cut her out of my life, and she probably doesn't understand and probably thinks it feels sudden -after 36 long years of bullshit- abrupt and unfair.

But I told her hundreds of times.

I probably should have just screamed at her.

[palespawn]

immersion-breakers when playing as origin astarion for the first time:

he's the camp leader

all the companions wanna fuck him

[swan2swan]

Every live-action Star Wars show when it comes time to stick the landing:

[gentil-minou]

Tumblr yesterday: there's an issue with the tags we are fixing them!

Me: they're getting rid of the gaza tags aren't they

Tumblr trending tab today:

Despite certain tags having way less activity

@staff @staffs-secret-blog @changes @wip are you all censoring us too??? You should be ashamed of yourselves

[zivaninja]

Blue Bloods finale things/spoilers under the cut that I wanted to yell about:

• Jamko parents!!! Parents!! Oh how far they've come 😭

• I'm going to miss Eddie Janko so damn much, that's my girl.

•Jack and Erin getting married!! They finally got their happy ending. And the looks on their faces at dinner as they decided to keep it to themselves was just so 💜😭

• Danny's face when Henry tells him to find his person to come home to. He already knows.

• Danny Reagan! Asking Maria Baez! On a date! And her saying yes! He doesn't need to go look for his person because she's right there besides him. And the look on her face when she agreed!!

[ratatatastic]

very funny that colby and matt are bringing up the fact when we play former kitties the feisty kitties never turn against the kitties and always focus it on the new guys like yeah. and same can be said vice versa

[vimbry-moved]

happy 15th anniversary to that time someone on the neopets team accidentally released draiks, which - for non-players - are a very popular and once difficult to obtain restricted species and were not supposed to be. this only happens for the species labelled limited edition, which Do become available to create on their event days, and everyone camped out for hours to see if there'd be another batch drop later on (there wasn't).

[significant-narratives]

imagine being kniesy with your girlfriend in minnesota (which, sidenote: really? minnesota?) on one hand and your definitely-not-situationship with your beautiful talented goalie on the other hand and then bam! said not-situationship starts flirting with his fellow beautiful talented goalie. please keep him in your prayers this is a lot for one boy to handle.

[whitehartlane]

i’m not being funny when i tell people who say sonny’s ‘too soft’ to be captain and that he’s half the player without kane and that other players deserve the captaincy more than him to get the fuck out of my club and the fanbase like honestly fuck off

[vvitchy-succubus]

[muffinlance]

i just bought fox's tongue and kirin's bone, blacked out, and before i knew it i'd read the whole thing and all the skin stealer's son chapters that you've released. i adore it so so so so so much! i was curious, how many books do you anticipate will be in this series? have you planned it out, or is that question still open-ended for you? <3

The Book Fugue State is one of the highest compliments an author can receive <3

Re series length: I'm aiming for six books, but I think we all know what happens when authors say "the series will definitely be THIS long" (...then seven books later...)

[demigodofhoolemere]

Me through most of Boom: Wow, this is a really solid dramatic episode.

Me when Moffat needlessly sprinkles in anti-faith sentiments without specifying that it’s blind faith in bad things that the Doctor doesn’t like, which makes it come off like the Doctor is just against religion generally:

[getvalentined]

Seem's best friend is a brass crab with no pincers that I got from a consignment shop for $8