#‘I feel like my life is spiraling out of control so I do literally anything else to ignore that’

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else

[thatanimeramenchick]

Hi! I’m new and wanted to ask if it’s alright you you could do something for Yander Lucifer?(Hazbin?) if not that’s alright!

Yandere Lucifer Headcannons

Ah, no problem, I’ve been waiting for this one. Out of all of the guys on this show, he is my personal favorite. I have suddenly become a fan of short kings. Also, hope you have fun on this personal little hell spawn known as Tumblr.

I feel like his character very much would be in line with soft yandere content. Despite being Lucifer himself, he comes off as very gentle and affectionate, wanting the best for those he loves, even if it means doing things that make them unhappy. He just wants what’s best for you. Or at least he thinks he does.

He also comes off to me as someone who is afraid to get too close to people out of fear of either disappointing them or hurting himself. Before making up with Charlie, he doesn’t talk with her much, seems to be internally clinging to the memories of the family he once had, and views most if not all of his citizens as too far gone to salvage. If he found himself with feelings for someone, I see him trying to push the object of his affection away, until something happens that causes his feelings to spiral out of control. This could be fear the of you being corrupted or permanently endangered; it’s something that pushes him over the edge to acting on the feelings he been trying so hard to push away.

Some of this manifests in being overprotective. He can present this as being a reasonable stance considering how dangerous hell actually is. Besides the typical problems of sinners running rampant and demons trying to trick you into deals, there are also angelic weapons floating around hell that you could be killed by even when it’s not extermination day. The idea of losing someone he cares for deeply in such a permanent manner is horrifying to him. He’d rather upset you by having you locked away by force than have you tainted by hell.

Has a jealous side, as can be seen with how he interacts with Alastor. Even as the king of hell, he can be quite insecure with his relationships considering his separation from Lilith and estrangement with Charlie. He can easily see other friendships in your life as competition, depending on who they are and how much time they want to spend with you. While he isn’t against the idea of you having any companions ever, he frowns on you spending too much time with them. Besides, they’re literally citizens of hell, why would you even want to be associate with them?

Tends to pamper you. He may have you trapped in a bubble, but he wants it to be pleasant for you. Anything that you wish that is within his power to grant he will do so happily. Your imagination is the only thing limiting you when you’re with him. Well, that and whatever restrictions have been placed on you to keep you “safe.”

Showing repeated frustration at his treatment, especially if you are being particularly passionate with shouting and tears, will leave him depressed. While he’ll try to hide it from you, in private there may be long bouts of self disgust and guilt. If you are lucky enough to find out about this and you’re particularly emotionally intelligent, you may be able to work this to your advantage. It’s your best shot at escaping him, as you’re definitely not going to be overpowering him any time soon and probably aren’t going to be able to outsmart him.

[thesophistiicate]

hey im 20 year old female. recently i have recognised that i practice negative self talk a lot. any advices how could i stop or atleast reduce it?

how to cure negative self talk 🤍💭

the way we speak to ourselves can majorly impact our self worth and ability to reach our goals. i remember when i first tuned into my inner monologue… i was shocked and disgusted at how horribly i was speaking to myself all day every day. i had no idea! so i began researching how to stop it and implementing as much as i could. it definitely takes a lot of active work but i’m happy to say that years later i currently hardly ever have negative thoughts about myself (or others) anymore, and when i do it’s really easy to catch and deal with.

1. tune into your thoughts

it’s common for negative thoughts to run wild through our minds without us actually even noticing. the first step is to take some time to tune in and really notice what you’re thinking. the best time to do this is in “trigger” moments, like when you’re stressed, facing something challenging, looking at yourself, reflecting on a social interaction etc. how you talk to yourself in these moments will be very revealing.

2. actively reframe negative thoughts

flip any negative thought you have into an opposite, positive thought and/or speak to yourself with compassion and nurture. a common one for me when i was stressed while working and feeling stuck was “ugh i’m so stupid!” i changed it to “i’m smart and capable of solving problems”. it will feel silly at first but the more you do it, the more natural it becomes. with time you won’t have the negative thoughts at all.

3. journalling/writing morning pages

morning pages are from “the artist’s way”, which i recommend everyone read and try at least once in their life. but you write 3 pages of free flowing thoughts first thing in the morning (ideally). no self editing, anything that crosses your mind goes down. this is where a lot of your deep negative thoughts tend to spew out, and this allows you to see them, confront them, and view them as the silly little thoughts they are. your negative thoughts are from shame and fear; you need to express them and get them out. shame thrives in darkness but will shrivel under the light.

4. practice mindfulness and staying present in the moment

so often we spiral into negativity due to overwhelm. guided meditations helped me a lot (you can find them on YouTube, Spotify, insight timer etc). you’re essentially trying to re-wire your automatic brain response so you need to be able to stop running on autopilot and actually tune into what’s happening inside by gaining some control over your thoughts. it’s literally like training a muscle so is difficult at first, but you get better at it the more you do.

5. eliminate distractions and consider a dopamine detox

we numb and distract ourselves in a variety of ways. whether it’s constantly surrounding ourselves with people, scrolling social media, binge watching tv, over-using substances or other indulgences etc… these things are fine in moderation (and actually can be necessary to overall wellbeing, i think being constantly self aware can also drive you crazy and you’re allowed to have a break) but take note of how often you are actually numbing yourself out and promoting disconnection with your mind. you need to be able to face your thoughts.

6. notice how you think about others, too

i’ve mentioned before one of my worst qualities to overcome was the fact i could be very judgemental and arrogant. i actually found this was directly related to my negative self perception - after all, what we think about others is usually actually just a projection of how we feel about ourselves, our insecurities, our fears. so i also made an effort to stop judging others and instead find positives to focus on. this worked so well to overall retrain my mind toward positivity (and also started attracting much more healthy and positive relationships into my life too).

and consider tailored support if necessary

if you struggle with any of the steps on your own, a therapist, counsellor, coach, or other professional may able to be help with more personalised guidance 🤍

[moonselune]

Hi! Hello! I hope you’re doing well, I love your writings so much.. especially the Karlach ones. I don’t have anything specific in mind unfortunately, but I would love anything you write for her 😞❤️ (I do love me some Resist Durge x Karlach tho) stay well, stay hydrated, stay fed!!!!

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Karlach x Resisting Durge!reader | Positive reinforcement

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

The campfire crackled, casting warm light across the faces of your companions as they unwound for the night. For the most part, the day had gone well. No murders. No blood spilled—by your hand, at least. You paced back and forth near the camp’s edge, your heart racing and mind buzzing as you replayed every dark temptation you had fought off during the day.

Karlach, your lover, sat nearby, her broad grin full of encouragement as she watched you, her fiery presence always a source of comfort for you. She knew you were struggling, could feel the restless energy coming off you in waves.

Finally, you couldn’t hold it in any longer. You turned to her, bursting with pride and a touch of nervousness, and started listing off everything you'd resisted today.

“Okay, so, first off, there was that pompous merchant in town. You know the one—talking down to everyone like they were beneath him? Gods, I wanted to gut him right there in front of his stand. He had the audacity to call me uncouth.” You began pacing faster, hands animated as you relived the moment. “But I didn’t. I just smiled and walked away.”

Karlach’s eyes twinkled as she leaned forward, arms resting on her knees. “That’s my babe! You walked away! That’s huge. I would’ve decked him for you, though,” she added with a wink, her tone full of warmth and high-energy support.

You beamed, feeding off her praise, feeling that rush of pride swelling in your chest. “And then, later in the tavern, there was this one guy. Drunk, loud, insufferable. He was bragging about how he’d killed a monster, but I could tell he’d probably never even picked up a sword in his life. I was so close—so close—to slitting his throat, Karlach. Like, it would’ve been so easy.”

Your voice was picking up, the excitement of indulging in the fantasy creeping in as you imagined how satisfying it would’ve been. Your fingers twitched, imagining the feel of a blade in your hand, the thrill of control, the satisfaction of silencing him forever.

Karlach’s eyes narrowed slightly as she watched you carefully. She could see it—the way your eyes lit up when you got carried away with the thought, how the hunger for it flickered just beneath the surface. She knew that look all too well, and before you could sink too deep, she grabbed her cup of water and splashed it right at your face.

You froze, the shock of cold water snapping you out of your spiraling thoughts.

“Oi! Snap out of it!” Karlach barked, her voice sharp but filled with affection. “You didn’t do it, remember? You resisted. And that’s what matters.” She stood up, stepping over to you and grabbing you by the shoulders, giving you a little shake as she grinned. “You’re doing so well, love. You’ve been holding back all day, and I know how hard that is. Don’t lose sight of that now.”

You blinked, the water dripping down your face as you stared at her, your mind slowly coming back to the present. She was right. You hadn’t given in. You’d resisted. And, gods, it had been hard.

You took a deep breath, wiping the water from your face as you smiled sheepishly at her. “I did, didn’t I?”

“Damn right, you did.” Karlach pulled you into a tight embrace, her strong arms squeezing you as if to remind you of her presence, her warmth, her support. “You fought the urges all day, and you won. You’re still here, with me, and you’re still you. That’s what matters.”

You leaned into her, feeling the tension in your body begin to ease. Her warmth, both literal and emotional, always had a way of grounding you, of pulling you back from the edge when things got too dark.

“And,” you added, pulling back slightly with a playful grin, “I think I’m owed something for each urge I resisted today.”

Karlach raised an eyebrow, her smile widening. “Oh, you think so, do ya?”

“Mhm.” You nodded, leaning in closer. “A kiss for each urge. Those were the rules, remember?”

Karlach laughed, her booming, joyful laugh that always filled you with a sense of safety.

“Alright, alright. I guess I owe you, then.” She cupped your face in her hands and pressed her lips to yours, soft but firm, filled with love and pride.

One kiss - for the the fact you didn't kill Gale when he consumed your favourite boots.

“And for the merchant,” you reminded her, a mischievous glint in your eyes.

She laughed again and kissed you once more, lingering this time.

Two kisses.

“And the tavern guy…”

Before you could finish, Karlach kissed you again, her lips warm and familiar against yours.

Three kisses.

When she pulled back, her face was still glowing with affection, her gaze holding you in place as if you were the most important thing in her world.

“I’m so proud of you,” she whispered, her voice soft but steady. “You’re fighting it every day, and I see how hard it is. But you’re not alone in this. I’m here, okay? No matter how tough it gets.”

You nodded, your chest tight with emotion. It was overwhelming sometimes, the darkness that clawed at you, but Karlach made it bearable. With her by your side, you felt like you could face it. Even on the hardest days.

“I couldn’t do it without you,” you murmured, pressing your forehead to hers.

“Damn right you couldn’t,” she teased, giving you one more kiss, quick and playful this time. “But you don’t have to.”

As the campfire crackled behind you, and the night settled in around the both of you, you allowed yourself to relax fully in her arms, letting her praise and love soothe the bloody turmoil inside you.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

This was so wholesome to write omg especially as I am currently on a Karlach romance run. She's just so precious. Hope you guys enjoyed it ! - Seluney xox

If you want to support me in other ways | Help keep this moonmaiden caffeinated x

[qqueenofhades]

I completely understand if you don’t feel comfortable answering this, but my mind is spiraling out of control and you’re the only person I know with the level of knowledge to where I can feel comfortable asking this without getting some form of “bla bla we live in a safe state don’t worry.”

I’m sincerely wondering if I need to be making plans to leave the country in the event of November bringing the most horrible of outcomes despite our best efforts (and yes I’m planning to vote blue in everything I can); as a AFAB in CA?

I know about project 2025. I’m terrified. Forgive my pop culture reference, but I feel like a version of Princess Zelda staring down a barrel of possible doom while everyone around me is like “nah that future you literally had a nightmare about where they made it illegal for a woman to have a bank account without a guy co-signing it and took the money from everyone who didn’t comply by a certain date isn’t even a possibility!”

I’m just confused about my life and am trying to take it day by day, and exercising every right while I still have it to prevent this outcome, but it feels weird making plans and retirement accounts and just general Setting Up Adult Life And Future Things™️……while wondering if I even have a future in this place at all and I’m just making it harder to escape if need be.

I’m sorry I’m rambling, and I guess I don’t know what I’m asking since no one has a crystal ball.

But I guess, it’s stuff like how much can the feds effect state’s policies? Is it possible for them to immediately block international travel for all women practically upon inauguration? How much time would I even have to gtfo if the worst begins?

Bc honestly this whole thing feels like the lead in to a very nasty chapter of a history book, and even though I have hope we’ll have another blue tsunami, it can be hard to try and figure things out when it feels like there’s barely any historical precedent for any of it.

Welp. Okay. First of all, I am giving you a comforting hug, I am walking with you to your favorite coffee shop, I am paying for your favorite beverage and also a baked goodie of your choice, and we are sitting down in a corner where we can talk honestly. So that's where I want you to imagine us having this conversation.

To start with, yes, I completely understand this feeling of utter, paralyzing doom, where I am trying to go about my daily life and make plans for my career and carry out daily tasks and Be Responsible while there's still just this total void beyond the end of the year, the utter impossibility of knowing if we will have dodged an absolutely massive bullet and finally be safe (since if Trump loses again he is 100% going to jail in the next four years) or, well. You know. That is a very hard way to live, when you're wondering if anything is going to matter and you can't see beyond that black cloud of fear on the horizon. It sucks you down and tells you that nothing is worth doing now in case it just gets so much worse. I am not going to tell you not to feel that. We all do. We are all scared. That in and of itself is a perfectly normal way to feel.

However, there are things you can do both now and if (I repeat, if) God absolutely forbid, the worst was to happen (again). First of all, we have already lived through a Trump presidency once. It was terrible and scary and awful and demoralizing as fuck, but we can do it again if we absolutely Goddamn fucking have to (once, again, God forbid). Second, you are currently about as safe as you could be in California. Newsom has proven himself to be smart, tough, able to run rings around Republicans, and unwilling to comply with their stupid performative-cruelty directives. He's not a saint or a magician, but you don't need that; you need a shrewd politician able to fight back, and he has proven himself willing and capable of doing that. So as long as he is governor, you're going to be more safe than not, and I'd also like to ask all the shrieking Online Leftists if, should the shit go down, they would rather live in a state with a Democratic governor who will fight Trump 2.0 every step of the way, or a Republican governor who will just roll over and obey. (But that would destroy their BOTH PARTIES ARE THE SAME talking point, so you know.)

Next of all, even if the Republicans are doing their best impression, America in 2024 isn't Germany in 1934. There are different tools, different ways to fight back, and different awarenesses/social media/visibility factors. I also need everyone to remember that just as Biden can't just sign an executive order and fix everything everywhere, Trump can't just sign an executive order and fuck everything everywhere, just like that with no more discussion ever. He tried that last time, it generally didn't work, and trust me, at least this time nobody is sleeping on the danger he poses. His candidacy in 2016 was dismissed as a long-shot joke that nobody took seriously until it was too late, and for better or worse, people aren't doing that this time. He will be sued instantly, incredibly, and repeatedly with everything his band of wannabe fascists try, and since we have had four years of Biden fixing the courts from where Trump trashed them, that does mean something. There is no scenario where even if he does issue some outrageous order against women, LGBTQ+ people, immigrants, etc (which to be clear, I'm sure he would try) it would just be carried out completely, immediately, and with no feasible way to stop it. Evil is evil, but it is also stupid, clueless, determined to hurt people just for the hell of it without any regard for what is possible or which will be allowed, and there's a lot more grey area in there than just "Trump says something terrible and it's instantly done, the end."

Once again, I'm not going to say that the worst-case scenario is not possible, but I don't think it's likely, and even if that does happen, there are ways for us to survive and fight back (again). Nobody wants it and it should not have to be asked of us due to the utter collapse of the social, civic, political, and intellectual fabric of this country thanks to the TrumpCult, but once again... these people are so loud and dangerous and cruel and stupid because they are in the minority. Etc. etc. polls are garbage, but we did just have an interesting piece of empirical data from the Iowa caucuses. Trump -- in one of the whitest, most rural, most conservative, most religious, most Trump-loving states in the country -- struggled to break 50%. Almost half of a rabid Republican fully-Trumpized electorate, among the diehards sufficiently motivated to get out and caucus in extreme freezing weather, voted for someone else (Haley and DeSantis took about 20% apiece). Now, no, we don't know how that will translate to the general election, and if registered Republicans will flock back to the nominee even if it's Trump, but as almost half of Haley voters said they would vote for Biden if it was a Biden-Trump matchup in the general, there is some sense that Trump is an aberration to their otherwise ironclad party loyalty. Now, Republicans are the fucking worst and nobody should be relying on them to save us; we still need to get out and vote for Democrats with all our might. But Trump is no longer barn-burningly popular even in core Trump heartland, and it'll be interesting to see how things go in future primaries.

My point is: I know the feeling that evil is awful and unstoppable and all-powerful, and will crush our lives and our futures no matter what we do to resist it. I really, really do. But Trump is a terrible candidate, he's running literally only to keep himself out of a long, long prison sentence, and if he had crushed the Iowa caucuses regardless, we might be having a different conversation. However, we need to remember that it is possible, again (God forbid) in the worst scenario, to resist, to live, and to win. Everyone who is motivated to work for a better world will still be here. Everyone who can help you and all of us will still be here. And there are more of us than there are of them. Yes, I do understand the feeling that we need to have contingency plans in place, I do absolutely know that it could get very bad, and all that (as you say, nobody has a crystal ball). But for now, I want you to take a deep breath, try to take this day by day, and remember that this is not a crushing and inevitable future that will sweep over you and destroy you without you (or any other person of good will) having a say in the matter. You still have agency, you still have the ability to protect yourself, and you still have others who will protect you in turn. You're not alone. The bad guys want you to think that, because when you're isolated and terrorized, you're easier to pick off and/or recruit into their cult. But you're not.

In conclusion: "What are we holding onto, Sam?"

[macsimagines]

How would Yandere!Kisaki, Yandere!Draken and Yandere!Baji react to a darling trying to leave them because they’re insecure about not being good enough for them? Thx!

TW: YANDERE CONTENT, MINORS DNI, Obsessive Behavior, Baby Trapping

Yandere!Kisaki Tetta

Well this is a bitch of an unsatisfactory situation.

How in the hell with all his planning and obsessive scheming could you ever think you weren't good enough? Didn't you know that this was all for you?

All the money and luxury was only so you could have what you deserved in life. Not to make you feel worthless.

"We both know you could do better... I'm just holding you back-!"

"Enough, Y/N!" he finally snaps, raising his voice against you for the first time. Smearing your good name was a heinous crime, even if it was you doing it.

"None of it matters. Not the money, the power, not even my own life means anything, if it isn't for you."

Watching you tear up at his words makes Kisaki's heart ache in ways that he hates. You're his only weakness and it feels like you're trying to kill him.

"Bu-but how can I ever compare with what you really deserve-!" "You're what I deserve. You're the only thing I need Y/N, I swear so please... Don't ever try to leave again."

Yandere!Draken

Feels like a worthless piece of shit for having made you feel that way. Was his love really not enough to convince you? The second you even mention leaving sends him in a downwhirl spiral.

Draken won't even entertain the idea of you leaving him. No matter the reason. He honestly doesn't handle it well and really does nothing to reassure you.

"That's fucking dumb, Y/N. We're not talkin' about this."

Oh but he sees the way you're loosing yourself to your own insecurities and he's failing at making you feel better. He tries to be more physically affectionate, makes attempts at complimenting you. But he can see you're going further and further down your own rabbit hole of doubt.

Finally loses it when he finds your drafts upon drafts of letters to him for when you do leave. All of them explaining how sorry you are but that you know he needs and deserves more.

Ken makes a decision to keep you forever. He's poking holes in condoms and tossing out your birth control. You're not going to be able to go anywhere with his baby.

Yandere!Baji Keisuke

"Who fuckin' said that to you?" is the first thing he says because there is no way that you, the literal perfect being that you are, could ever think that you're not good enough than some held back delinquent.

But nope. Apparently that pretty little head of yours is just for show because you're obviously not using it to think. No way in hell does Baji think for one second he could do better.

You're it baby-girl, and he's not letting you go. "Too bad for you, I ain't allowin' you to leave. Dummy." He says that and covers you in kisses, smothering any protests or complaints with his smooches.

He wasn't a huge PDA guy, but now he's swimming in it. Kisses every time he sees you, hand holding anywhere you two go, constant baby names that get more and more absurd.

"Honeypie, babygirl, sugar tits, snookums." And he's living for the way you go red in the face with embarrassment and rage. Good. You're too annoyed to doubt yourself, right?

Eventually he can see that you're starting to feel better and not doubting yourself anymore. But that doesn't mean he does. You actually believed he would let you go. That you could go. Now Baji has his eyes on you like a hawk. Watching for the slightest hint that you're going to bail. Not like he'd ever let you.

[4dkellysworld]

hi kelly, i hope you’re doing well! i just wanted to share an observation i’ve had along this path:

everything always works out fine. like, always. things have happened before that were the opposite of what my character anticipated/desired, and at times it would completely throw me and i’d spiral, but eventually i’d realise my (as in my character’s) complete lack of control over the situation and i’d let it be. i’d let all the crap unfold however it wanted to. and every single time… it turned out fine. i clung to and ruminated over some of my biggest fears/"worst case scenarios" until i literally spoke them into existence (unintentionally, of course, and i definitely recommend you work on that habit if that sounds like something you do lol). each time, i panicked, felt devastated, questioned my abilities, blamed myself for "manifesting" it… until the emotion just exhausted me and i got bored of it. and then somehow i got through it. there was always a resolution. everything always turned out fine.

i don’t mean for this to sound like a manifestation related submission, but i thought it could reassure others to realise that Self truly is orchestrating it all. and you are that Self. it is just you. so even if the complete opposite of what you (character) want happens, even if it feels like it’s all gone wrong, just. let. it. happen. let life do its worst. in fact, lean in to the feelings. don’t fight them. that doesn’t mean marinate in them and prolong them and wallow in them, but let them wash over you until you feel defeated and give up resisting them. every single time, it’ll work out. trust me. trust Self. it literally reminds me of that song "let it all work out~~~" because seriously… LET IT… trust that it will because it ALWAYS will.

also, this is not any sort of technique. again, just an observation. like, it’s just kind of… life. lol. and the more i’ve gone through this, the more trust i’ve built in the process. so now when something happens that is not my preference (what i once desired is now not even that deep to me, so it only feels right to call it a preference instead, because it’s no longer this burning, insatiable longing but more so just like a "ye that’d be nice😄"), i just giggle and say ok. like, genuinely. and each time, it resolves/undoes itself faster and faster. i was having money issues yesterday because i realised that a loan that i thought i was entitled to, i wasn’t. today, i received hundreds of £s from a totally unexpected source. and i’ve now been made aware that i’m entitled to these hundreds of £s every month indefinitely. when my money issues arose yesterday, i cried, got angry, felt afraid… then remembered every time something like this happens, the universe (just Self) always has my back. i still felt natural "ego" worries arise occasionally because i literally had no plan as to what to do, but i saw that my characters options were limited and that i’d simply do what i could to get by and that ultimately it’d be ok. the very next day, *boom*. fixed.

oh, and just to add: this isn’t me saying that you can’t have your perfect life. you can. i’m not saying things will forever go wrong, you can have everything you desire and life can be blissful for you, of course. once you know your Self undoubtedly, the way you know now so undoubtedly that you have hands, you’ll be able to control/materialise/revise anything. of course. but it’s seriously the most backwards thing because… the further you get to reaching that point (ironically, there is no point to reach anyway. YOU ARE LITERALLY ALREADY THAT RIGHT NOW)… the less you care about it. the idea of living as Lara instead of Vanessa (can you tell i’ve been around since the days when Ada was still active, bless her heart) is what drew me into this journey initially because i had failed with loa again and again, but now, truly… even if Lara is a "preference" it’s in a fun, free way. like, hell ye, why not experience her now i know that i can? and if i get bored, i’ll just switch it up again. but really, Vanessa, Lara… they’re both equally insignificant, little characters in a play. and i love them both. even Vanessa, for all her chaos and sadness and shortcomings, i love her. lol.

with more and more practice, with more and more recognition through your own experiences that Self truly orchestrates this whole thing and never ever leaves you (because it is you), it all starts to make more sense. my words won’t mean much if you don’t apply what you’ve learnt, but ye… just wanted to share anyway. :)

truly, thank you kelly for being here throughout the year to post the occasional remix or journal entry. you’re how i know everything is one, because you would always post exactly what i was experiencing just as i needed it. i hope life is beautiful and kind for you. i know you don’t need the gratitude or praise, but seriously thank you. 💜

This was such a delightful read, thanks so much for sharing! What you described are things I've been through too, and still am. Yesterday I was pondering over the answer I gave on "manifesting" as I said it's opposed to dropping ego and I realized the clear distinction between conventional "manifesting" and what you described is the involvement of ego. The first comes from a state of lack that involves ego effort while the second comes from a state of surrender/letting go to Self and involves dropping effort and attachment etc (and for masters, the "manifestation" is simply just a part of life, like when God "desires" to do something, it isn't a desire from lack but a choice/intention made from a place of wholeness and joy to experience itself). So I do think that "manifesting" practice can play a part in Self-realization but it's important to be wary of how much ego is involved in the practice.

And yess I also have realized how important trust is when letting go. When I let go and knew or trusted that it would be taken care of, it really was, time doesn't matter, I just trust it is already taken care of and handled by Self/God and doesn't need my involvement and then it is. Earlier in my journey, when I didn't have trust and let go, I got more mixed results. The great thing is trust in Self/God (I don't really like giving it any label because the mind starts creating all sorts of definitions to it which are obv false and limited but it's hard to point to otherwise lol) builds up as you trust more and it really just starts becoming an automatic thing that works for you. This is an excerpt from Friendship with God that describes it perfectly.

Neale: And we need nothing more for our evolution than exactly what we have, and are experiencing, right now. God: Once more, you are correct. Neale: And if we don’t need anything, we don’t have to trust God. God: That is what I have been saying, yes. Neale: And when we don't have to trust God, then we actually can. Because trust then means not having to have a particular result, but rather, knowing that whatever results is for our highest good. God: You have brought it full circle. Bravo! Neale: The beauty of this is that not needing a particular result frees the subconscious mind from all thoughts about why you can't have a particular result, which in turn opens the path to the particular result which was consciously intended. God: Yes! You are able to put more things on automatic. When you face a challenge, you automatically assume that things will go well. When you face some difficulty, you automatically know that it will be handled. When you encounter a problem, you automatically understand that it has already been solved for you—automatically. You have created these outcomes, subconsciously. Things start to happen automatically, seemingly without any effort on your part at all. Life starts working. Things start coming to you, rather than you having to chase after them. This change occurs without conscious effort. Just as negative, self-defeating, self-denying thoughts about Who You Really Are, and what you can be, do, and have, were acquired subconsciously, so, too, are they released subconsciously. You don’t know how or when you picked up such ideas, and you won’t know how or when you dropped them. Life will simply and suddenly change for you. The time between your thinking a thought consciously and it being made manifest in your reality will begin to shrink. Ultimately, it will disappear altogether, and you will create results instantly.

I was initially drawn to this journey for the same reasons too (wanting to experience Lara) and it's more like I've gotten to the point where it's really not that important because it's really just the same even if it looks a little different. Everything is perfectly imperfect or imperfectly perfect lol. It's all Life, all of it.

And it's great you mentioned the emotions part because it's not something to fear or fight, it is a natural part of the experience of ego so they will come up, it's just a matter of having awareness of this and letting it be (or letting it go) and not feeding into it or getting lost in it (mentioning this as I think it's a common misconception that doing it 'right' on this journey means having a completely peaceful mind all the time with no emotions).

Lol I just realised my response is just going 'yes yes yes' to yours but really, my experience has been similar to what you described too. We truly are all One! I hope life is kind and beautiful to you too. It is for me now because that's how I choose to experience life now <3 (even when it seemingly is not, I just decide it is anyway because I'm not going to change my choice based on the everchanging dream)

[raddagher]

Arcane is over (😭) and I have some criticisms so here are my lists of who Won and who Lost in no particular order

LOST SEASON 2

1. Isha

Literally wasn't even mentioned after she died, like wtf was that

We couldn't have a memorial or anything? Come on

Her sacrifice was ultimately meaningless because Warwick got brought back anyway

2. Sevika

Didn't get a single line through all of Act 3

Where is my wife

At least she didn't die?

3. The entire Undercity, to be honest

Where did the independence thread go

Giving Sevika a council seat wasn't enough

I don't like that so many of them had to fight in Enforcer uniforms, that felt wrong

That was the MAIN CONFLICT for most of the show. It felt so weird to gloss over it at the end

4. Vander/Warwick

Gonna be real I wasn't super crazy about most of his presence here, I don't feel like it actually contributed much to anyone's development, except MAYBE Viktor's

We would not have lost anything if they didn't have the flashback scene with their mom

Super didn't like Jinx's ending as it pertained to him

5. Jinx

Hey I super don't like that every character who had a moment of suicide ideation or attempt ended up dead or "dead"

I don't like the way she "died" it didn't feel earned

I don't feel like the ending she got aligned well with her character at all. She spiraled and then just. stayed at the bottom of the spiral :(

They put a TON of family stuff in act 1 and 2 that didn't get resolution in 3

I think they kinda did my girl dirty I'm sorry

6. Loris

Clearly would have had more of a role if they didn't have to cut him for time

NEITHER WON NOR LOST SEASON 2

1. Vi

I want to say she won because she got to bang her cop girlfriend in a prison cell and the sex scene was good as hell but

She also was just taking massive L's the whole time

Like it never felt like she ever had any real wins other than that and that bummed me out

Didn't get enough time to be a dumbfuck with Jayce :(

Caitlyn

Didn't get enough proper resolution for her wonderful fascist arc

She felt a little dropped in Act 3 as well

Glad she got that Vussy tho, good for her

And I did like the vs Ambessa fight, that was also good

I honestly feel like Viktor and Jayce's romance was written better than her and Vi's, and as a gay woman who is constantly watching mlm relationships get so much more attention, it rubs me the wrong way

WON SEASON 2

1. Viktor (OBVIOUSLY)

The fucked up robot army. The religious imagery. The body horror. His robot alien design is scary as fuck. Absolutely incredible work

Got to be taller and stronger than Jayce hooray

They're canon. That was the gayest shit I've ever seen in my life

I do wish they had spent more time overall fleshing out more of the disability commentary, I feel like it was a little lacking in the end

Nevertheless BEAUTIFUL and HORRIFYING and TRAGIC

2. Jayce

See above

Yeah he also got to be a big hero and got to be resolved really well

Did NOT see his death coming that was crazy

They Magnus 200'd his ass, damn

He chose Viktor over everything I'm emo

They made a heart when they touched their foreheads together fuck OFF

3. Heimerdinger

Literally just living his best life

Love that he didn't tell Ekko he can't die, he just let the poor boy think he got fuckin atomized, king shit, that's hilarious

I would have stayed in that universe too tbh

4. Ambessa

The single tear over Kino. Her love for her children at direct odds with her need for control. Her arc was explored so well

Died a warrior's death at the hands of her brilliant daughter, I know that's how she would have wanted to go

Also was very hot in every scene. Good for her (and good for me)

She just got a lot of love from the writers and I'm very happy to see that effort put into an older Black woman character

5. Mel

Speaking of gorgeous Black women

I was so worried she was going to get dropped but her ending was SO good

Her glow up with the gold is fantastic, she looks amazing in the white hood

Love that they gave her abilities that would inherently change her priorities AND gave her the throne of Noxus, I have high hopes that she'll be prominent in another show in the future

They made her such a powerful badass but still let her be merciful and forgiving. Absolutely amazing. She is the wolf

6. Ekko (?)

On the fence about him

LOVED the au scene. Perfect

And I loved that our boy savior got to be the one that set off the bomb that stopped Viktor

But he was kind of dropped otherwise? Like what happened with his tree?

Generally wish he had more development and screentime in this season

But I'm happy he was so pivotal to the climax

AND I'm happy he got to kiss Powder. He and Jinx would never have worked out

7. Maddie

Haha I never liked you. Get fucked you horrible little bootlicker. Typical cop

8. Singed

How come YOU get everything you want?

Fuck you.

Basically all my criticisms boil down to it feeling rushed overall. It's clear that they intended to have more time, and that breaks my heart. We all know Netflix's reputation for cancelling stuff out of the blue, and I've heard that maybe certain parties were unhappy with the depictions of gay romance and realistic social revolution. Whatever the reasons, I wish they had a third season, because I think they could have solved every problem I have with it. Regardless, it's an incredible work of art and very likely one of if not THE best animated series ever made.

[averagetmntfan]

MASTERPOST!

(yeah I copy pasted it from the other acc, don’t sue me)

wassup! Finally, a master post! Am I right?

(TC*ST AND PROSH*PPERS DNI!!)

hi there! I’m Jayah! You can call me jj tho. Or mike! I’m really ok with anything :D

I’m js here to post a bunch of fun art and maybe some animation stuff? And occasionally, fan fiction >:). I am GenderFluid, and I go by all pronouns. And my sexuality is lesbian!

and my lil gay ass miiiiiiight be possibly maybe simping for someone rn..?? (*cough* a literally drawing)

I also have 12 roleplay blogs! @leontheluxuriousone , @wrecking-it-raphie @gayass-blueberry-mugman, @bendy-the-dancing-doofus, @koi-the-cosplay-boy, @improv-master-mikey , @ask-miss-maple-leaf ,@blue-masked-simp , @mikey-the-magnificent , @no-ditches-no-bitches , @candy-for-the-win and @ask-olive-huchers

PLUS: @ask-adi-huchers @candy-for-the-win @neon-of-the-leon (new ROTTMNT leo acc) @ask-miss-maple-leaf @ask-christopher-harrison

my current hyper fixations are: rottmnt, tadc, TBT(trolls: band together/trolls 3), The great north, bobs burgers, the cuphead show, moon girl and devil dinosaur, amphibia, the owl house, tmnt 12, cuphead and mugman in General, KREW, poppy playtime, and a SHIT TON MORE-

btw I swear quite a lot on this, so if that isn’t ur thing, u should click off.

and here’s my sona ref!

DISCLAIMER: please don’t send me werid asks, or gross inappropriate content. I’m a minor.

100 DTIYS!

• FANART!!: •

Leo goober(@ghosty-0w0)

PRINCESS KOI FR (@mikey-rottmnt)

MY BABIES- (@allyheart707)

MY SONS<333 (@mikey-rottmnt)

YOU MADE ME LOOK SO PRETTY RAAHHH (@mikey-rottmnt)

• ROTTMNT FICS!!!: •

The sand.

shopping day! (discontinued)

1 2 3

The 4 servants Au:

Chapter 1 (ongoing)

pt.1 pt.2 pt.3 pt.4 pt.5 Pt.6 Pt.7 pt.8 pt.9 pt.10 pt.11 pt.12 (currently on hiatus)

The 4 turtles work peacefully at a competing hotel with the battle nexus, with their beloved father. But one day, everything spirals out of control! And their worlds get flipped upside down! Follow Leo, Donnie, Raph & Mikey on the journey of a life time! And who knows, they might meet some friends along the way, or maybe more…

• DOODLES: •

Pissed off peeps >:[

brace face!!

• FICS: •

Colour theory thingy sorta??

• RANDOM STUFF: •

Leo being a dumb-dumb

• ANSWERED ASKS: •

what do the bros do outside of the hotel??

Mikey needs a hug

does raph break stuff often?

Do the bros like Lou Jitsu movies?

How do they feel about working there?

Time beats a dead man

(Collab au w/ @mikey-rottmnt!!)

Pt.1

A silly cuphead and mugman au Abt uh..a lot of stuff. (Heavily inspired by babtqftim)

• FICS/ INCORRECT QUOTES: •

picky eater

get served! ..or, maybe later..

portals gone wrong!! 1 2 3

Secret admirer<3

…?

the struggles of school

Is it salad?

THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT!!!

• HC’S that are canon in this silly au: •

Mugs

Cups and mugs (cups are not Canon)

How to hug the gang!!

• DRAWINGS: •

Human mugs doodles

chip and Dale!!

Koi and mugs being gay

KOI CANON IN TCHS?!

Rock paper scissors

• some lore: •

mugs lore

Hs! Mugs and euro…

Mug and cup lore

Main crews fav ice cream!!

cup lore (belongs to Ari)

Favourite drinks!

Pipsqueak!

(Coming soon..?)

“Small turtle, and even bigger problems.”

[hugintheraven]

How to fix Amy Dallon

This is mostly me getting my thoughts in order. I doubt I will ever write Amy fix-it fic, but I want to have this just in case.

So the thing is, I don't think wretching Victoria was inevitable, far from it. That took a very specific set of circumstances. HOWEVER, "Amy does something selfish and harmful with her power that she can't fix, spirals and blames herself, does worse stuff in response"? I think that was fairly likely.

The problem is...a problem is...the various problems are...well I'll simplify. First, she has no support structure. Mark is useless, Carol is actively exacerbating her issues, and the rest of the family is their own kettle of fish. Victoria is the only person looking out for Amy, which quite aside from how that affects Amy, means that when Amy is in trouble, she turns to Victoria for help. If Victoria isn't around, then Amy has literally no one. Any friends she has are friends through Victoria, and I doubt the teenage superhuman is on friendly terms with her coworkers at the hospital(though seriously the professionals there should have noticed her issues LONG AGO).

Then we have Amy's power. Which is pushing her to use it in aggressive, selfish, and harmful ways. She's holding that off through sheer force of will, but that's not sustainable.

There's also her physical and mental limits. She's working her power to the limit normally, not sleeping, and straining herself to do more. Which isn't good at the best of times, let alone long-term.

All of which is tied up with the psychological issues package, her self-hate, feelings of inadequacy, severe dichotomous view of the world, etc.

Her crush on Victoria is a problem for her, don't get me wrong. But I don't think it's at all the main source, or even a significant chunk, of what was needed for Amy to screw up SOMETHING.

Here's what I see as needed for Amy to end up going villain(in her eyes and possibly the eyes of the law): A significant crisis that strains her control further, and Amy not being able to talk to Victoria about it. That's it. That leads to Amy losing control of her power and not having anyone around to keep her from doubling down. The specific circumstances in canon(she screws up Victoria, after a month of fighting with her family, post-Endbringer, and then her downfall is pushed along by Jack Slash) is what led to the Victoria flesh-coffin etc, but "Amy breaks someone she can't fix, freaks out, makes things worse" was a pretty logical place for her to end up given...everything.

So how can this be avoided? We can't stop constant crises from occurring, this is Brockton Bay. And the longer things go, the more tired she gets, thus the smaller the needed crisis would be. And fixing her mental issues probably takes a team of professionals a few years.

Step one, therefor, is bulking up her support structure. Doesn't matter if it's Taylor, Lisa, a SI char, having Amy join the Wards/Travellers/Uber and Leet/a book club, whatever. Just have her talking about her life on a regular basis to SOMEONE who she isn't related to. Preferably more than one person, otherwise there's still a risk of her turning a child into a Nilbog creation while her new friend and Victoria are both busy.

Next, we remove her from some of her sources of stress(meaning Carol). Anything you try to do while Carol is still around will just be undone by Carol's pressures.

THEN we introduce the team of professional head-shrinkers. This could happen earlier, since a therapist is one more person Amy can call with "I just screwed up", but I distrust Carol's reaction to her disliked daughter seeking professional help. (and it doesn't have to be a professional TBH, just someone to help work through her issues, but a professional is both trained in not making things worse and also is disconnected from the broader cape community, which lets them be objective in a way that, say, Lisa isn't).

Now I don't think this stops Amy from eventually losing control of her power and hurting someone. And she probably still can't fix it, her shard is canonically a dick. There's enough crises in the Bay to both make her overwork and to make her break her rules at some point, even if it's not specifically the S9 who does it. But if she screws up when she has multiple people she can call for advice, when she's been away from Carol's additional stress, and when someone's been unpacking her list of issues, I think further damage could be prevented and Amy could keep helping people despite the bumps.

[crimeronan]

In titan P!Luz AU, in the scenario that Amity, Hunter, and Lilith do manage to escape to the Owl House (pRolOng ThEiR GriEf yyeeeSS >:)), how would Eda even deal with this? She’d understand how serious the situation is, but let’s say Luz does come back RIGHT in the middle of the Owl House, now looks like a humanoid version of King, and Hunter won’t let go of her while she’s like I need to go kill Belos RIGHT NOW.

i just showered and spent the entire time still thinking about this timeline because i love SO MUCH that it's like. a hunter extended grief spiral to match luz's over in the worst timeline. WHEEEE BE MISERABLE ABOUT EACH OTHER !! YAYYY

so.

antics in the owl house.

lilith is transparently coming apart at the seams, given that she's just lost her status AND any chance to heal eda's curse. amity is responding to this by scrabbling even harder for any bit of control she can get, which typically involves yelling at hunter and/or lashing out at hooty with her abomination magic.

and hunter is.... well. hunter.

so. eda is like well. we're all gonna kill each other eventually!! ah well. the world's gone to hell. this might as well happen . I Fucking Guess

at first hunter responds very similarly to the way he does in ftf -- after amity refuses to let him go martyr himself, he THROWS himself into making plans to attack belos. however even with all his castle knowledge and belos knowledge and wild magic knowledge, it's Pretty Fucking Difficult to assassinate the emperor. particularly when you are Public Enemy Number One.

after frustrating himself about a dozen times in a row, hunter starts digging through all of eda's books on wild magic and deeply illegal dark magic and other bullshit. eda assumes it's for more emperor-killing business, until hunter comes to her all like

hunter: owl lady.

eda: ....yes??

hunter: you know things about curses, don't you??

eda: well. some. obviously. you want to curse the emperor?

hunter: no, not that. it probably wouldn't take. i want you to curse me.

lilith, who was previously pacing around the kitchen, zipping into the room: hello. What.

hunter: there are Apparently curses that can take away a person's emotions. that'll make it easier to work without distractions. let's be practical about this

eda: ....those curses aren't a painkiller, kid. you wouldn't be able to feel anything positive, either. that's not the kind of life you want to give yourself

hunter: i don't Need positive feelings to get this done. i'll be able to remember my pre-curse priorities without any feelings getting in the way. as far as i'm concerned there's nothing but upsides!

lilith: cursing someone isn't something to undertake lightly-

hunter: wow! there is literally no one else on this island whose opinion i care about less than yours. anyway. eda, are you going to help me or not.

eda: ....not when you just lost someone, i'm not.

hunter, voice breaking: no, wait, please. Please. listen to me. i need to stop thinking about her. i'll do anything. i'm open to other solutions, i just - please.

eda: well, i'm not using a cursed solution to your emotional problems. that's a non-starter. i CAN get you really drunk, though. do you want to get Really, Really Drunk??

lilith: EDALYN-

eda: WHAT. it's not like drinking can make him feel WORSE.

hunter: actually. yeah. yeah that sounds great. probably the most useful thing short of a coma right now, so.

amity, muddy and covered in goop, coming in from where she's been outside wrestling hooty for like the tenth time today: if hunter is getting drunk, i would Also like to be drunk. just so everyone knows.

lilith: .....titan help me. fine. Fine. pour me a glass too. it's not as though anything matters anymore!!!! haHA!!!!

[darkpoisonouslove]

HotD S02E07

Honestly, I do not have much to say about this episode (I think... it's still possible for my thoughts to spiral out of control as I start writing them out). There was barely any Greens content, which made me a little bored, I have to say. The thing is that they are kind of dragging their feet here. I get the feeling they're trying to get as many seasons as possible out of a single book but, like, maybe you could have explored the events of season 1 in two seasons then? We literally sprinted through more than 20 years in one season and now things are moving quite slowly. Anyway, more details under the cut:

Does Addam realize he could have just taken Seasmoke and fucked off to do whatever he wants? What was Rhaenyra going to do? Fight him and risk her life or at least losing Syrax to someone that isn't even her enemy in the war? Sure, he doesn't know Valyrian but Seasmoke didn't really seam to give much of a shit about that anyway. What I'm saying is basically that Rhaenyra is so lucky that Addam's ambitions of earning recognition only go so far because Seasmoke definitely would have fought Syrax tooth and nail to protect Addam if he had decided not to bend the knee.

Meanwhile Corlys during this whole episode:

His interaction with Addam was so awkward! Well, gee, thanks, dad, for the praise! Are we going to see him actually do anything as Hand?

Jasper trying to talk Larys into breaking the news of Rhaenyra's new dragon rider to Aemond was so funny. You can clearly hear him thinking "Well, he already hates Larys. Why should I draw his ire? Honestly, Larys should just take one for the team and tell him the news, which will 100% set him off!" Larys refusing to be the scapegoat by going "Tis' but a fable." The Larys content is popping off these last few episodes! I have to say that it's funny how ineffective Aemond has made his own Council by being so harsh and completely unwilling to listen to any of them. If he hadn't made it so clear he doesn't give a shit about their opinions and would trample them down for daring to say anything, they might have warned him earlier and they could have prevented Rhaenyra from getting more dragons. Not like she didn't have to outsource bastards from King's Landing. Had Aemond known about any of this, he could have intervened in some way but he brought this on himself.

I see we're not going to address the Rhaenyra and Mysaria kiss from last episode.

Oscar Tully, the man that you are! I don't really have much to say about the whole Harrenhal segment besides how fun it was watching this young boy completely destroy Daemon in front of everyone. He even forced him into a situation where Daemon has to do what Oscar wanted of him and after this obvious demonstration that Daemon will turn on his allies with the wind, he's pretty much further cemented the impression he made on the Riverlands lords that they should never consider him their leader. I like how they made it understandable why Oscar is so set on keeping old oaths since that's the way the Riverlands function. The choice to only make Daemon "succeed" through factors that he has entirely no control of is priceless, it has to be said. At this point they can just write "loser" on his forehead.

That red cloak for Rhaenyra's maid is such a baffling design choice. She's supposed to be incognito but she stands out like a sore thumb. Besides, only someone rich can afford to have clothes dyed in such a rich red color. It instantly makes it obvious she is working for someone of noble birth and makes her so very easy to keep track of even in a crowd. Why have they done this?

Someone pointed out that putting up fliers when the general population is illiterate is a really funny way to advertise and I have to agree.

Respectfully, I do not give a shit about Hugh and his dead child. Maybe I would have if they had actually shown the death and didn't make him act like that's in the past already. Also, maybe once let a woman want something? I mean, they just lost their daughter. Let his wife want to have the power and means to prevent that from happening to other people and to any future children they might have ffs. This show only pretends to be feminist but will not let women want anything for 3 seconds.

I wrote a whole essay on Larys and Aegon and I've decided to make it the focus of its own post that you can find here.

Rhaena's scene is a perfect demonstration of what I mean when I say that they're dragging their feet. They just hinted that there will be exciting developments in the next episode and didn't do anything to actually move that plot line along. They could have easily cut that scene and put a condensed version of it in the next episode right before Rhaena actually gets to claim Sheepstealer.

The focus for this episode is obviously Rhaenyra's plan with the Dragonseeds and that has had some very interesting developments.

First of all, love how they show us that Rhaenyra is exactly her father's daughter. She hasn't thought this through anymore than Viserys did. He wanted her to be his heir but still married and raped Alicent because he just wanted to have sex and then proceeded to ignore his children from her and the problem that having legitimate sons is creating for the entire realm. Rhaenyra just wanted to have sex with Harwin and had three illegitimate sons and now to win the war for her own inheritance she has to take away the only symbol of legitimacy that Jace has. By very clearly showing that just random bastards that know nothing of the tradition surrounding dragons and can't even speak the language of the dragons can just as successfully ride them, she totally destroys the idea that Jace is somehow more than any Targaryen bastard that you can find at Fleabottom. Great job, Rhaenyra!

To be fair, all her options are equally bad but she's the one that did this. If she hadn't had illegitimate children, she literally wouldn't have been facing this problem. She just thought that her being princess and heir to the throne will give her a pass for anything but she has set Jace up for another war now. When she dies and he ascends the throne, there will be people who will think him not worthy of it because he's not any different from all the other bastards that were raised as the lowest links of society. There will also be the other bastards with dragons that can try to steal his throne. People were saying that Alicent is at fault for everything bad that happens to her children because she put Aegon on the throne but Rhaenyra is doing the exact same thing to Jace now and it is for a crown. She knew from the start her claim was shaky and that Jace's claim as her heir is even more shaky. She still proceeded because she wanted that crown.

The dragon tamers revolting against Rhaenyra's actions was such a great representation of how interlaced the dragons are with the classism and the "divine right to rule" of the Targaryens. To win this war Rhaenyra literally has to tear down the very pillars on which the supremacy of her house is built. She's self-destructing in slow motion because yes, she might win and get to sit the throne but the people will get disillusioned about the dragons being gods and about the Targaryens having the sole claim to the throne if any bastard can walk in directly from the street and claim a dragon. That voiceover in the beginning of season 1 saying the only thing that can destroy the House of the Dragon is itself sure is getting proven correct.

They finally let Rhaenyra do something that would tear down her image of the hero partially. Isn't it funny how she was so horrified by what happened to Ser Stefan but had no problem leaving 30-40 bastards to die? Sure, she had proof that her wild idea can be done once Addam and Seasmoke bonded but she knew very well that a lot of those people would die and she just didn't really care. Good thing they don't know about Ser Stefan's attempt and her reaction to that. Otherwise, they could easily turn their new dragons on her since she clearly still thinks them lesser.

I liked the way they did the bonding moment between Hugh and Vermithor. Hugh really showed he meant business and earned Vermithor's respect. But on the tail end of that, Ulf's scene was a fucking joke. Silverwing should have eaten him whole. Especially since he stepped in her clutch of eggs. Him getting a taste of what riding a dragon is like was still kind of cute. Also quite a revolutionary step for Westerosi society, though I have a feeling Rhaenyra won't like what that step leads to in the end.

Stop teasing me with mentions of Daeron, show! I am almost 100% convinced that they won't get him in here until season 3 so what's the point? Especially since we already heard the exact same information in the previous episode.

The writing for Alicent is so unserious fr. The way they are letting her wallow in this self-pity because there's nothing else for her to do is atrocious. Especially since the last trigger apparently was the riot in last episode, which is just an insult. What do you mean that all of her sacrifice and service to the realm was just so she would be hated? She's supposed to be beloved by the small folk. I hate the writers so much for the way they're constantly throwing stuff in to make you hate the Greens, and switching plot beats around, giving all the ones that earn sympathy to the Blacks. I've been ranting about that all season, however, so I'll leave it at that.

People that still think Alicent was trying to drown herself are so baffling to me. I could have told you she wasn't going to do it just from the trailer for this episode. It was clearly shown that she took off her dress before entering the lake. (Btw did the music while she was removing her green dress remind anyone else of "The Green Dress" theme from Rhaenyra's wedding? But a lot more solemn and just straight-up resigned? Which would fit perfectly with her stupid arc.) You don't take off your clothes if you mean to drown as it'd be easier to drown with more clothes on. And also, are we talking about the same woman? Alicent? Committing suicide????? After she saved Criston from doing the same???? I know she's on a downward spiral but she was just chilling in that water. That didn't look like someone trying to drown themselves. I guess that "I'm not sure I mean to [return to the city]" line could have sounded suicidal but I have only one thing to say to that: Alicent, get your ass back to the Red Keep right this instant istfg. Aemond just torched Aegon and she and Helaena were attacked and she just... leaves?????? Girl, what about your children? They need you! At least the trailer for the next episode shows that she's back.

People saying that Aemond should leave Helaena alone and not ask her to join the fight, you don't even deserve the RIP. I am different from you aka better. Please, for the love of fuck, get her on Dreamfyre and let her do something at last! They have completely glossed over and erased the effect that her son's death has on her but that at least means that she is totally capable of getting on her dragon and frying a bunch of people. I am seriously hoping that she will!

P.S. I might have known I was going to write a whole essay despite "having nothing to say". *sigh*

[miz-chase]

tw canon typical abuse/violence

I really do wish Bones gave the time to unpack Brennan and Booth's individual relationships with violence and how they intersect.

Brennan from the opening of the first episode, is violence first, always. I wonder where she learned that, as it seems she was defenseless while she was in foster care. More likely it was as a young adult in college, where she was finally free to make her own choices in her life. It's easy to imagine that she utilized those skills often on field-work trips. It would make sense if her school/work life was bouncing between 1) being the only woman at a field site in dangerous locations, and 2) being socially isolated in labs. If that's the case, it would make sense that she never really acclimatized to 'normal' life wrt to violence. In the States, you'd figure she'd have had some repercussions for doing things like breaking noses and wrists on an impulse.

God forbid there be police violence accountability in a copaganda show, but it would make an interesting story if Brennan attacking a suspect had real consequences, getting charges dropped, blowing the case no matter how good the evidence they had. How would she cope?

Meanwhile with Booth,

we know experienced violence at home from an early age. He shielded his brother from his father's beatings, which probably involved hitting back. Pops takes Jared and Booth away when they were "little kid(s)." Presumably that violence was subsumed by his football playing that gets him a scholarship to college, but he then spends the entirety of his 20s in some form of military or violent FBI circumstances. He goes from an army grunt boxer to a specially trained sniper, turning the emotional physicality of violence into something remote and dispassionate. These are the kills he truly regrets.

When we meet him as an FBI agent, he's a bully who will casually, indifferently shove suspects around, uses his physicality as a tool to maneuver anyone he likes. He also explicitly, morally hates killing. The series sees him grow out of (most of) this violence, to the point where he has a minor crisis over losing his temper with a guilty suspect.

Again, I wish we saw consequences for the casual violence, though his bullying suspects is in more in line with cop-standard-deniability injuries rather than Brennan literally breaking bones.

What I'm really interested in, though, is this contrast, where Booth uses violence as a dispassionate, even disliked, tool while Brennan acts all on impulse and always assumes she's right to do so. Booth can't stand to lose control, anything that comes from anger sends him into a spiral. We can contrast this with Brennan's embrace of impulsive violence, where she always feels she is justified (and the narrative usually agrees).

We know that from the beginning, Booth finds it "so hot" when she loses her temper and whacks a senator in the nose, but it also is the reason their partnership dissolved in the first place. It always seemed like a charged thing that, when Brennan hit him, he was quick to defend her. He was raised in a household that made excuses for violence, and it feels loaded that he continues to do that for Brennan over the seasons. It isn't until season 11 where he is like, hey babe, maybe don't.

"It is my job to make sure I don't lose my partner because she can't control her temper."

It's not that I think Brennan is abusive, not at all, but do I think that she's oblivious-to-careless about the kind of trigger that hitting Booth is. We rarely see them fight, but the angst in me wants more arguments like The Shot in the Dark. Arguments are a normal part of life as a couple. Brennan losing her temper and lashing out is in character. What would happen? how would they cope?

The flipside is, and this is the real angst, is if Booth ever actually lost his temper with her. If we use Signs in the Silence as our model, he goes right into a self-hatred spiral even with justified violence, just because it comes from a place of anger. If he got angry enough, he wouldn't even need to touch her to view it as a massive slip up. Because deep down he thinks he is his father, and if he ever gets angry with Brennan, then maybe he will hurt her. That faint possibility, the minute potential that he could ever hurt her? He would absolutely lose his shit. He'd be out of the house never to be found again. He would absolutely do the worst thing he could possibly do to hurt Brennan (abandon her) in order to protect her from the worst thing in his entire life (violence through anger).

I don't think I could ever write the fic, because it's just too damn angsty, but man, what a situation to put these specific characters in. It's both of their worst nightmares combined, no better way to hurt both of them at the same time.

[thatpodcastkid]

Magnus Archives Relisten 19, MAG 19 Confession

The Magnus Archives reinforces my stance that religion-based horror is the genre's peak.

Yes I was raised Catholic why do you ask

Spoilers ahead!

Facts: Statement of Father Edwin Burroughs regarding his "possession." Statement given May 30th, 2011.

Statement Notes: My biggest question is how the institute got this statement. Burroughs says it was probably difficult to arrange and is grateful for the chance to give the statement, so it implies that he sought out the institute. If so, how did he find out about them? It's also possible that the institute sought out a statement from Burroughs, but why? Gertrude would likely understand his importance or at least would have attempted to follow up on the Hilltop Road Case, so it's likely if Burroughs did not actively seek out the institute, she found him.

The idea that Father Burroughs would reach out to give a statement is really great to me, though. He's coming from a culture that stresses the need to admit every transgression in order to remain perfectly morally pure. In giving his statement, Burroughs is seeking absolution. It's literally titled "Confession."

Though likely unintentional, Jon reading this statement furthers the idea that, at least in the world to come, he is the closest thing the TMA universe has to God. By Season 5, he is omniscient, all powerful, and simultaneously merciful and punishing. He takes Burroughs confession, judges it, and then moves on. Burroughs is haunted his entire life, but Jon--the absent God--hears hundreds of people's confessions and doesn't do anything. He just watches.

Continuing with the idea of religious horror as an extension or offshoot of eldritch horror, this episode utilizes fear of the sin inside oneself really well. In my experience, the fear of going to Hell or being punished for one's sins is lesser in Catholic circles than the fear of being a sinner. The idea that something inside of you is inherently wrong or evil is a common one across religions, so it makes sense that to destroy Burroughs mind and bring his worst fear to life, the entities would make him believe there is a demon inside of him. The evil isn't attacking him, but is a part of him. His worst fear is himself.

The demon attempting to "steal" Burroughs faith is really terrifying. The implication that something so immutable and intangible cannot only be taken away, but can be used by another being. The demon isn't destroying Burroughs faith, but keeping for itself.

What I find really interesting is how different the things Burroughs describes in this statement are from the second part of his statement. The pace really picks up between MAG 19 and MAG 20, in addition to the subject shifting. Burroughs changes from an observer of other people's torture to experiencing his own. This change really amped up my anxiety as I went from 19 to 20.

Entity Alignment: Anything Hill Top Road related is immediately a mixed bag of nightmares. Being a demonic possession episode and the "mentis" writing on the wall, the Spiral comes to mind. Bethany's degrading mental health after moving into her new home does align with the environmental triggers that usually accompany a Spiral episode. Additionally, Bethany and Burroughs both lose control of their minds and bodies, in line with the Spiral.

The eventual cannibalism does implicate the Flesh, however. I wonder how often the Flesh interacts with a religion that literally consumes the body and blood of its lord. (Side note, but "We'll get to the cannibalism," is now up there with "I feel like I should be upfront with this, I'm probably a cannibal," as my favorite lines a character says within the first 10 seconds of a statement.)

Hill Top Road does implicate at least some connection to the Desolation. But either way, in MAG 20, many more entities come into play as Burrough possession and hallucinations develop. Read my next blog for some thought on that if you would like.

Character Notes: Sarcastic Jon re-enters the arena with a steal chair!

"When it is found by myself, or given the state of the Archive's mismanagement, by my successor when I pass away from old age."

Oh sweetie, you think you're going to get an old age? That's adorable

[alaskan-wallflower]

let’s chat about paul holden!

i saw a post by @sondheim-girly about socs not being just one dimensional characters and it really made me think

Sometimes it feels like this fandom makes Paul in specific out to either be an innocent little woobified guy who hasn’t done a thing wrong in his life, orrrr they make him out to be a heartless and cold asshole who wants to watch the world burn. And i’ll admit, i kinda fell victim to this too, HOWEVER

i think it’s also safe to say that neither of those characterizations are really entirely accurate? like in canon yes, he has literally two lines, and in the musical he’s a very small character (compared to others at least) but honestly i wish there was more balance in his character

paul is not a saint. he’s not an absolute angel who’s never done nothing wrong (sometimes it feels like this characterization also tends to make darry look heartless and like a jerk for cutting him off which i don’t like either because while we don’t have a con on reason for why they parted ways, i don’t think it’s fair to make darry the villain) but he’s also not a heartless asshole. to me, i feel like a lot of the socs are the way they are because of how they were brought up and raised. look at bob-bob was looking for someone to tell him no. his parents never told him no and so he spiraled out of control. randy in the book and cherry both said bob was caring and that “nobody had seen that side of him”and i believe it. bob wanted somebody to tell him no. he wanted to be paid attention to. he needed that attention he never got from his parents.

that’s something else that divides the greasers from the docs. the greasers are like a pack-they all stick up for each other and they all stick together. they may not have parents that are good, or parents that are even around (obviously, look at johnny and dally and steve and two bit) but they find their family. they find their family in each other. the socs are characterized to be more self conscious, and not in the insecure way, they’re just made up to be more mindful of themselves because they don’t have that family with each other. like cherry describes them-“cool and collected because there forced to be that way. To not let anything bother them.” so i think that’s why a lot of them are more wild and crazy in a way.

so back to paul. do i think he’s a heartless jerk who was never nice and only liked drinking and jumping kids? no. absolutely not. i believe that when him and darry were friends (or whatever more you guys want them to be) he genuinely cared about their friendship. however, do i think paul was a little angel who hasn’t done a wrong thing in his life? also no. he jumps pony in the musical and frankly i think his parents are just as bad as bob’s, likely. neglectful. i think that’s the case with a lot of the soc characters and that’s why they’re seen as ‘mean’.

there needs to be balance. you can’t make paul out to be something hes not, and to me, through the musical at least (we have so little in the book i frankly haven’t thought about paul until the fandom started collectively agreeing to) but he certainly isn’t a character that should be woobified or anything. paul has done some awful things, he canonically jumps pony and such, and i think a lot of that has to do with the fact most socs don’t have good families -either biological or found ones, to help them be nicer for a lack of better terms.

i dunno. i think both characterizations can be equally as incorrect. i don’t think paul is heartless. but i also don’t think he’s an amazing person who got along with all the greasers just cause he was friends with darry. that switch doesn’t flip overnight.

anyway that’s my ted talk. i know im gonna get shit but yk

[feyspeaker]

Hiii! Gosh, I love your work SO MUCH. You recently mentioned in an answer to someone that you have ADHD and because of that, you have lots of rituals for your work in order to stay focused. May I ask what your routine is? I have struggled for years and years as a working artist to control or harness my adhd, and I would love to hear what works for you!! Thank you so much for even reading this :)))

Hi there!! Thank you so much. ♥

I'm probably a terrible person to give advice, because I absolutely do NOT have a handle on my ADHD. I often feel like I'm drowning in it, as I'm sure a lot of other people in the same situation can commiserate with. A lot of my issues are exacerbated by my agoraphobia and anxiety, but I won't go too into that stuff because I am not really in a place to talk about that aspect of my life so much. I do think I've become more aware of it as I have gotten older and am definitely better at managing it than I was when I was younger. Also to start off, I'm not medicated for it.

First and foremost, I tend to need to overstimulate myself in order to get down to painting, though this is only so effective. I play really loud, very noisy music when I work. Angelspit, Combichrist, The Gazette, etc. Heavy electronic, industrial, nu metal kind of stuff. It helps drown out my thoughts so I can focus on painting. I need to Not Think to be able to paint. I have to already know I'm in flow state on something and really into it if I'm going to be playing mellower stuff.

I also like to play youtube videos or shows on things I'm currently fixated on. Like I'll watch nothing but videos on Welsh folklore or horse training or whatever the hell. I really struggle with listening to audiobooks or podcasts because they aren't engaging enough.

I have parental controls on my computer set up so that I can block out any distracting websites, however this is really not super helpful because I have to keep social media open at all times as it's part of my job to manage those things. It does help some though. It might work for you! They make browser extensions for it.

I try to keep momentum on pieces. I can't let a piece sit for more than a few days, or I know it's time to bin it and give up. I either hyperfixate on a painting until it's done, or it's not good enough and it's going to be like an anchor dragging my momentum down. The second I feel momentum waning I know I need to make a change. I've made huge changes to how I take commissions in order to help me with this, as this is my biggest struggle. I hate sending updates on things, waiting for emails, painting things I'm not super invested in, etc. I recognize that I am incredibly blessed/lucky to be in a position to be a little pickier about the work I take on and how I take it. But I do firmly believe in general that a commission based artist should try to make sure they are doing work they enjoy and not just slogging away on something that they don't vibe with at all. That's good advice for anyone, but I do think that us folk with ADHD tend to feel burnout and artblock harder. I know when I have artblock literally NOTHING can get me to paint, so that's why momentum is so important.

I also try to recognize things that I know are going to trigger me into avoiding what I need to do for the day, or causing me to spiral. For example, if I know I need to make a phone call I try to do that first if at all possible, otherwise I am going to end up not getting anything done for the next 6 hours. If I know I'm going to have to have to leave the house for an appointment or something scheduled, I typically just let that day be a wash and don't plan any work for it. I end up physically ill when I have something I have to go out and do (like going to some appointment or even something small like going to pick something up off of FB marketplace) so I try to just Avoid That, but if I can't I will just clear my schedule for the day.

I try to maximize my Good Days by minimizing things that trigger my procrastination/lack of motivation/distractions. But when I have bad days I just try not to beat myself up about it. (Still do, but I'm trying to get better.)

The worst thing is letting a whole day be wasted sitting there, knowing the time is passing. Knowing that there is something you should be doing, but you're not doing it. Knowing that you don't want to be doing that thing, and that you'd rather be playing a game or painting something else. But not doing that either. And before you know it, the sun is setting and you've done no work AND had no fun and it's time for bed. Ugh, I've had so many days like that.

It's important to recognize when that is happening, and to just say "fuck it" and go do the fun thing you want to do instead of toiling for hours in indecision. That's probably bad advice for people who have poor responsibility skills (like actually making sure to get work done on the good days) but I am saying this in good faith. Sometimes when that happens I'll let myself go bake a bunch of bread or obsessively clean a cabinet out so I still feel like I did something that day. Next day, I try to do better.

I don't know if this is helpful at all- I know people with ADHD have a lot of different experiences/tendencies, but this is what helps me. I slipped a lot after my dad's cancer diagnosis several years ago and felt myself really just completely letting go into the ADHD time void because my thoughts and worries were so loud I couldn't drown them out with all the screamo in the world. I started fixating on BG3 really hard near the end, and it's absolutely responsible for me being Okay artistically and emotionally speaking after his passing last month. I think difficult situations can make our symptoms worse, and to an extent we have to ride the wave and be kind to ourselves.

That's perhaps my closing thought- be patient and kind to yourself. Our brains don't really work right but it can be a blessing in that I think the flow state we are capable of is really something otherwordly. So try to identify what helps trigger that in you and foster it.