#— ✿ i can see right through all your empty lies i won't stay long in this world so wrong. › default yugioh verse.

[rageagaiinstaa]

Annaleigh's face glowed with affection, warmth filling her gaze. "Of course! We're friends aren't we?" She playfully nudged his shoulder with her right hand. She's been meaning to invite him over to her place anyway, as Yomi's never been.

She continues to walk along side him, a backpack resting on her shoulder. Classes have let out for the day and they have a weekend a head of them. "I don't work this evening, if you're not busy you could come see the nursery today." It's her first day off in over a week. Annaleigh has been taking all of the hours she can get at the game shop. Sometimes, she even pulls double shifts, despite her boss telling her not to overwork herself.

Hazel green eyes look at him expectantly, wondering what Yomi's response will be.

@ofbluercses :: continued from here.

[tan1shere]

The 30th

Billie Eilish x female reader !

A/n: was listening to this today and I had to write for this song, I actually love it. I hope you enjoy the story, it's actually one of my favs :,)

Summary: You got in a crash, after something bad was happening, you had called billie leaving her worried after you hung up, and didn't respond to her texts.

Warnings: angsty angst. Car crash, a hospital, depression, arguments ??, happy ending 😇

Masterlist

Things weren't like they were. Things were harder now that she wasn't in your life as much. And God you missed her. You had just gotten out of a toxic relationship. Your best friend, Billie had gone distant because of that.

"She's manipulating you and you can't fucking see it." She screams. You two were currently in an argument. "Stop this." - "No actually that's a lie you do see it you just don't want to admit the fact she's using you." Angry tears run down your cheeks. "Be quiet, you don't know what you're saying right now." Her head shakes. "I don't know what you're saying right now. You're not you, Y/n. You haven't been ever since you got with that son of a bitch." You slap her, out of instinct. Things fall silent. Fuck, why'd you do that? She stares at you. After a moment you speak. "I just think you're jealous." She scoffs. "Of what being in an abusive relationship?" - "No! Because she gets to have me and you don't."

Silence, yet again. "You know." She begins, everything's still, quieter. "Even if that was the case. I certainly don't want this version of you."

And that was the very last time you spoke to her. I mean how can you even communicate after a fight like that. The way she left shortly after. You loved Billie she's been there for you through it all, ever since you were kids. Everything feels so empty without her. She was your everything. And now that's all gone. You knew she didn't even want to see you right now. But you desperately needed to hear her voice.

The breakup had ended horrible. You told her you just couldn't anymore, because Billie was right. She was right about everything. You told your ex that she was infact mentally abusing you. Violently fucking up your brain. And just as you thought, she took it terribly. She started to scream at you, things breaking. Your heart aching. You wanted to get away but you were scared. All you could think of was Billie but she wasn't even near you. She's gone from your life. And you don't blame her.

It was all your fault, you chanted. All your fault. "Hey! You fucking listen to me." You hear your now ex's rough voice booming in your ears. Your attention back on her. "Can you please calm down-" "No I fucking won't. Was it her?" Your eyes roll slightly having enough, you were tired. "No, Bee. It wasn't her, i don't even talk to her anymore thanks for the reminder." She stares at you. "Did you two have something going on?" You sigh out, going to leave. She grabs your arm gripping tightly. "I asked you, a question." "Even if I had, why do you care you're most likely sleeping with others." She went quiet. You weren't stupid. Staying so long with her? Yeah that was stupid. But you knew everything all along. You knew she was using you but you lied to yourself. "Fine, whatever I don't even give a rats ass anymore. You were pathetic anyways."

You were laying on your couch, trying to feel something. Shouldn't you be happy she's gone? You should. But you're not. You don't have anyone, what's the point in anything when life is as dull as it is. Silent tears still escaping your eyes. You didn't want to be here anymore. Should you pack up and leave? Move out of the country, start a new life? You knew you had to do one thing before any of that. You grab your phone and dial her number.

"Hello?" She answered after 5 rings. She really answered. You take a second finding it so foreign to hear her voice again after months.

"Me and her broke up, sorry I was such a bad friend, you were right about everything - I love you."

And just like that you hung up. You didn't want to even know her response. Quickly getting up and grabbing a duffle bag, packing it and heading out to your car. Those tears still spilling from your eyes. But you didn't even know why, they just kept coming.

You were driving on the motorway, hearing your phone ding like crazy. Eyes faintly blurry. Your sobs eventually came out of you. You hadn't properly cried in such a long time it's like you needed this. But the unthinkable happens and you almost forgot you were driving. Everything happened so fast. Everything went black.

Billies View.

It was November the 30th. I was sitting at home, but the day just felt odd. I couldn't pin point why. Until my phone started to vibrate, I look to see her name pop up. I stare in disbelief. I didn't know if I should answer. But I ended up doing so. "Hello." I say, wondering what this was about. Then I hear her voice. Her sweet soft voice. But it wasn't as sweet than I remembered. Wasn't as soft. It was dull, full of exhaustion. "Me and her broke up, sorry I was such a bad friend, you were right about everything - I love you."

Those were the last words I heard before she hangs up. My heart rate quickens sensing my feelings were right about this weird day. Something bad was about to happen.

I spam her phone, trying to get her to message me back. When there's nothing I'm immediately in my car. Knowing exactly where to go. Knowing her mind. But as I get on the motorway the cars are piled up. Fuck, fuck. Fuck. Then that makes more panic rise inside me, it's early in the morning why is there so many cars backed up. Then I see the vehicle I truly did not want to see. "No.." I breathe out. I didn't care about the traffic, it wasn't moving anyways so I get out of my car. Run down the side to try get to the ambulance. This can not be happening, please be a nightmare. "Wake up Billie. This isn't real." Oh but it was. I see her car upside down, and my heart sinks down to my ass.

I sprint to the ambulance, seeing her body, still. On the small stretcher. "Woah-" "im family." I sternly say. I was getting in there whether he liked it or not. "Family?" The male infront of me inquires. I think for a second. "Girlfriend." Did I really just say that. The other guy nods at the one infront of me. "Let her on." I go over to her instantly. I felt sick to my stomach, her skin pale. My brows knit together. "Shes unconscious, and quite injured." But that's all I heard them say. My ears ring, head spinning. Everything about this broke my heart.

Readers view.

You couldn't shake the slight throbs through your head. Your eyes opening slightly, feeling as if you were in a car. A groggy groan comes out of you. Your eyes then open enough to see someone above you. How did you even get here was the only thing running through your mind. "Y/n?" You hear faintly, your eyes open fully now. Seeing Billie. You were in an ambulance? You were still trying to remember everything. "Love?" You then hear her say. "W-what happened?" It comes out muddled but she understood. "You got into a crash." As soon as she says that it's slowly coming back to you, every feeling, flooding you entirely. "Why a-are you here tho? How'd you k-know." Your voice was incredibly weak.

"You don't remember calling me.." She breathes. "Huh?" Billie shakes her head. "Nothing- what do you remember?" She asks. You think for a moment. "Breaking up with her- a-and then falling asleep on my couch after she left." You say, looking at her. "I don't really remember the rest or how I got here-" She nods as you say that. Not before your eyes start to slowly close.

You were awoken by a beeping, adjusting to the slight light in the room. You look around noticing you were in a hospital on a bed. You turn to see Billie laying slightly on a chair in the corner, asleep. How long has it been, you wondered. You continue to look around, going to move when a pain shoots through your side. You winced in pain. Causing Billie to stir awake. She looks at you. "Hey, take it easy." Her soft voice, followed by her coming over was truly comforting. Her eyes stare at your own. "You look pretty." She then says, grabbing your hand, placing it in her own. A small smile was to be seen on your face. Your smile. The one she always made you do before you had changed. You were happier then.

"Billie.. I'm scared." You then say, she takes a moment. "Me too. They haven't told me about what's going on, probably because I'm not immediate family." She sighs. But for your sake she knows you need reassuring. "You'll be ok though, you're here right now right?" You nod gently. "My side really hurts-" "the meds must be wearing off. They said if you woke up to press this button and it'll inject some into you." Everything felt normal again between the both of you... key word, felt.

Months go by and you slowly get back into eachothers lives, but something was still missing. It was her. And not in the way previously. You've always loved Billie. But maybe it was a romantic love. You wanted to be hers. Everything was dull still. You had ended up squishing your ribs slightly in the crash, so that was in the process of healing. Along with your heart. It was a Sunday, you were just watching TV when Billie was going to come round. She opens the door eventually, waving at you. You wave back. She had sensed you still weren't yourself, she saw it. However It wasn't always, you tried your hardest to put on a smile for her majority of the time.

Today however was a hard day, your mind would not shut off and you just couldn't bare trying to fake it. She then comes over to you. Needing to talk about everything. You had requested that there'd be no talk of any of it till you were ready but she needed to get some things off her chest.

"Sometimes you look the same.. just like you did before the accident." You look at her, emotionless. "Shes out of your life now-" "I know. But I still feel empty inside Billie." There was a soft silence. "I know you don't remember calling me. Right before the accident. You said you loved me." Was she piecing this feeling you were feeling together. It was coming back to you. You had called her and said that. "I know it wasn't a friendship kind of 'I love you'." You didn't know how to respond to her, keeping your gaze on her. "I need to know if it's true. Or if I'm going insane, because if it is true. Tell me." You still say nothing, feeling tears pool in your eyes, knowing how miserable you've been because you don't have her the way you truly wanted.

She needed to confess something.

"What if it happened to you on a different day. What if you hadn't called me beforehand. What if it was on a bridge where there wasn't a rail in the way, What if you fell into deep water and no one could find you. If you changed anything would you not of survived." Now she's tearing up, frantically saying all these things that have been deep inside of her for far too long. "You're alive, you're alive. You're. Alive." You leap forward bringing her into a hug not even caring about your rib. You hug her so tightly. She gently hugs you back holding you close, whispering into your hair. "Your alive." - "I'm inlove with you Billie." You speak into her shoulder, crying yourself. Crying hard.

She pulls you back grabbing your face gently. "I'm inlove with you too, and seeing her break you like she did. Hurt me. Knowing I could've done better, in a good way. I would've protected you. Cared for you. Love you. The way you always deserved." You smile at her. Your true smile and this just makes her say the next 2 words. "Be mine." Your smile widens. "How could I ever say no." You both smile, leaning in and kissing one another tenderly.

Let's just say she was forever thankful for that call that day.

[rageagaiinstaa]

She pulls the key out of the doors handle, stuffing it back into her pocket. Since the door is wide open, it's easy for her companion to slip inside, uninvited. Annaleigh follows the teenaged CEO into her apartment, making a pouty face. This boy has no manners! Had he waited a moment, she would've invited him in. She shuts the door behind herself, letting out an annoyed huff.

Hands are placed onto her hips as she whips around to face him. "For the baby. It's okay to talk about the baby." Hazel greens stare down at the large bump, and a smile spreads across her lips. She thinks about the tiny life inside, wondering what he's going to look like when he gets here. Will he have her eyes? Or her freckles?

Annaleigh looks back up at the CEO, taking the bag that is held out to her. "Thank you, Kaiba. I didn't expect to get a gift from you." she comments. "If you want, you can take a seat while I open this." An empty hand motions towards the floral printed, grandma couch and a vintage chair off to one wall in the apartment.

Long legs walk over to the couch and she sits down. A contented sigh escapes from her lips. Being on her feet all day was torture. Her whole body ached and she's glad to be in the comfort of her own home. She opens the bag, peeking inside at the contents.

Oh. He hadn't expected to get caught.

He had planned to simply show up, drop off his gifts and leave without leaving any trace that he had been here or that the gifts were even from him. Despite how easy it might be to tell anyways.

Seto attempts to keep his features cold as he turns his gaze to look at him, remaining silent for a few moments before he decided to speak, "I was not expecting to see you here already." He said nonchalantly, shifting his weight a little in a subtly awkward manner. The CEO makes no comment of how he had ended up here in the first place. He did not often give out information in regards to the security around Domino City, no his uses of such. While not for poor reasons, he'd rather not discuss it.

Her light words don't go unnoticed though he only scowls in response, not waiting for any sort of invite before stepping inside. "I just got you a few things for your upcoming..." He pauses, almost as if he felt a bit weird openly discussing such things. He did have little experience with them after all.

Seto cleared his throat a bit, offering her the bag, a stern look now plastered onto his face, "Just take it." He scoffed.

[clubdionysus]

[BAD DECISION #21] Doing The 'Right' Thing

warnings: christmas is upon us! secret santa, yay!! jiyeong, booo! no major warnings! the arrival of b's bird hehe. some of my fave jimin parts are in this lol (he's one of my faves)

soundtrack: touch - keshi

wc: 10.1k

bd total wc: 540k (ongoing)

AO3 | MASTERLIST | MINORS DNI

An emptiness echoes down your apartment corridor, dim lights flickering above you, as you make your way home after practically running away from Jeongguk's bed.

A new bulb has been needed for a couple of weeks now, but your landlord doesn't care enough to change it. As long as the electricity runs and the water flows through taps, he thinks all is fair. Sure, you could change it - but Danbi gives you a firm 'why on earth would you do that?' every single time you suggest it.

It's for this reason - the shrouded darkness and the bleary hungover eyes - that you almost think you're seeing things as you notice an object by your apartment door.

A bouquet. White roses. An easy dozen, of which you'll undoubtedly count as soon as you're close enough. The stems are emerald green, fresh and perfectly picked to construct the most beautiful arrangement you think you've ever seen.

Poised and pristine, they look out of place in your apartment block - but you know they'll look right at home on your kitchen counter in the vase Danbi stole from her family home a couple of holiday seasons ago (you'd just been using a pint glass beforehand (again, stolen by Danbi's nimble fingers, just from your local pub instead of her mother's kitchen cupboard)).

You tell yourself it's strange. Let your head whisper little lies as white as the rose petals, telling you that you can't imagine who'd be sending either of you flowers. Perhaps Tae for Danbi? A secret admirer?

But you know. You know who picked them out, who sent them directly to your door. You know who always chose the black and white design of the minimalist greeting card wedged in between the flowers.

You know, because you got these flowers a week after your first date with him . Got them after the fifth date, just because. You got them on your birthday. Valentines. First anniversary.

You got them, again, after that one argument when you'd sworn down he tasted like latex, which was strange, because protection had been off the cards for months by that point. You trusted him.

The last time you got them was a week after the breakup. Again, just because. Just so you knew he was thinking of you. Asshole .

And so you don't check the card. Just pick up the pot they're prettily displayed in, and type your door code in with a sigh. You lean your shoulder against the heavy steel to open it up, a little exhausted by the events of the night and the emotional labour you know looking at those flowers will have on you.

They're too pretty to throw away, mind you - and when you look at Danbi's mother's vase, you're sad to see the flowers given to you by Jeongguk in the sanctuary of his favourite cafe are now withered and pathetic. The water has all but evaporated away, and rogue leaves lay by the base of their glass holder. Shame.

What once were the most fantastic wild blooms are now skeletons of their former selves.

S'what you get for tearing the stems from their life source. How can you ever expect them to thrive in hostile conditions?

And so Jins's roses will take pride of place in your home, and you'll pretend not to care.

They'll replace what was left to wither by Jeongguk, and you'll ignore the fact it was you who should have tried harder to keep them alive.

Congratulations on the art show. Proud to see your progression. Sorry I couldn't be there. J x reads his calling card - and as much as you know you should really tear it up and feed it to the recycling bin, you can't bring yourself to. It's stuck on the fridge beneath a 'Welcome to Vietnam' magnet purchased in the airport during a layover, not because you've ever actually visited the country.

It'll stay there for months. Danbi won't think to discard it, and you'll forget that you ever put it there.

In fact, you don't notice it again until a few weeks later as you're rushing around, running late for dinner, grabbing a bottle of fizz from the fridge.

The flowers have all dried up now, tossed in the trash, and the vase is empty. They lasted not even a week before they began to wilt. Typical of Seokjin, you had supposed at the time. Permanence isn't his thing.

Slamming the fridge door shut, you don't have a chance to even consider getting rid of the note - but you do think that you should, and that's something at least. It's not like you've heard from him since that night.

Hell, you've barely heard from Jeongguk.

Little messages here and there have been exchanged, but nothing substantial. Nothing that addresses the night you spent in his bed. In fact, you're pretty sure he's been spending his nights in someone else's bed recently.

It's not an unfathomable thought to have. It's been about a month since you set up his blind date, and Jiyeong is apparently doing the hardest soft launch known to man. It's not even subtle at this point. Her Instagram stories - of which constantly seem to be updating - are littered with the essence of Jeongguk.

Mugs from the ceramic painting place were the first clue. A selfie of her in his jacket, the second. The third was a blurry club photo of a hand you wished you didn't recognise so well loosely holding onto hers in the midst of a crowd. You wonder if it was taken on the night of the art show, or if they've been clubbing together since that night, just the two of them.

You forget the fourth, and the fifth, and the sixth, and now there's been so many damn stories you've lost count. Just know that the most recent one was a mirror selfie from the gym, carefully cropped so that the guy who had been spotting her was out of frame - but his tattooed arm? Yeah . She'd left that in.

You wonder whose company he prefers in the gym, and know that it's hers. At least that way he can actually properly work out. You're aware he'll get glares of jealousy from the gym bros who have a thing for Jiyeong, unlike the confused stares of the same gym bros who had wondered why the fuck a muscle rat like Jeongguk was wasting time on cardio with a girl who preferred sitting on a stationary treadmill rather than running on it.

Danbi had laughed at your scowl when you stumbled across the story a few days ago. Told you to be careful. "If the wind changes, your face will get stuck like that."

Good , you thought. Maybe it should. Then Jeongguk would permanently be reminded of how insufferable you find this whole situation.

You couldn't care less about the fact he's dating. Couldn't care less for the fact he's dating her - hell, you'd been the one to set it up! What is bothering you is how quiet he's been. It feels like you've barely spoken to him all month - but rational thinking seems to go out of the window when it comes to him.

See, the thing, Jeongguk's silence? His avoidance of you?

It doesn't exist.

In your head, maybe, but not in reality. You're orchestrating some great loss for no good reason.

There's been no real change to how he communicates with you. He still messages you just as much. He'd sent you a tinyURL link just the day before just to disguise what he was really sending you - the breadfish website. It was like being rickrolled in the big year of 2022. Made you smile like a fucking idiot behind the desk of the art cafe. Hobi had looked at you like you had three heads when the song echoed into the room.

But you simply added a laugh reaction emoji to Jeongguk's message and locked your phone as if it hadn't made your day.

You're the one avoiding him .

And - fucking hell - you'd only seen him four days ago! Had gone for a post-gym coffee walk. Had spoken about everything - the science of pollination, your favourite supermarkets (Homeplus reigned supreme), the best song of 2009 (which had ended in the promise of a noraebang battle, because you couldn't decide between fireflies (even though Jeongguk couldn't remember owlcity's name) or good girls go bad (which also resulted in you explaining Gossip Girl lore he never asked for)) - and anything... everything and anything... apart from Jiyeong. You didn't mention her. Nor did he.

It's not like you've mentioned sharing a bed with him that one night either, so avoiding uncomfortable topics isn't entirely unheard of.

Thing is, you've both been pretending like things are absolutely normal. Still grab coffee together, still send each other dumb raccoon memes, still look for each other on Friday nights in the dark shadows of Dionysus.

The way you see it, if you don't make a big deal of things, they don't have to be a big deal. You've downplayed it all. Pretended like there hasn't been a weight on your chest since you left his apartment that morning.

That's one difference, you guess. You've not returned to his since.

That's what you're really missing; the sanctuary nurtured with Jeongguk in the confines of his room. Home away from home. 'The kids'.

But your head's all frazzled, and you've been trying not to focus on it too much. Just continue lying to yourself, as if an Oscar is dependent on your performance. You've gotten so good at acting as if you're happy with the current set up, you're managing to fool everyone - including yourself.

Hurrying down the stairs of your apartment, you know that your acting skills have to be on top form tonight. Can't be letting the pesky mask slip. Have worn extra glitter to keep it in place.

Jimin waits by the end of your road, engine running, eyes shamelessly on you as you head up the street towards him.

It's late December, and the shop windows are full of well-wishes for the upcoming festivities and special offers for last-minute gifts.

In your bag, you're carrying a bottle of whisky for Yoongi and a luxury bath bomb set for Seoyeon. You've no idea if the whisky is any good, but it was on the top shelf, so you're hoping it's alright. As for the bath bombs, they're your favourite (and will leave Seoyeon with a sheen of your signature glitter all over her skin afterwards), so you're not so worried about them.

The presents are more to say 'thank you' for hosting the Christmas Eve dinner, and less so intended to be actual gifts. As a rule, to make life a little easier for everyone, Secret Santa had been organised a few weeks prior. No other gifts allowed - but not taking something for the hosts felt wrong.

Seoyeon had sorted everything out for Secret Santa, so it really had been stress-free.

Yours (intended for Jimin) has been wrapped for the best part of a week and is ready to go. It sits snug in your bag, between Yoongi's whisky and your own bottle of vodka - it is Christmas, after all. The bottle of fizz you're holding by the neck? A little extra bit of festive liquid luck.

"Alright?" Jimin greets you with a smile as you pop open the passenger door and slip in beside him. Your bag is popped in the footwell, but you hold onto the prosecco.

"Happy Christmas," you smile - then glance up to check he hasn't put mistletoe above the handbrake. It's all clear. Surprisingly .

"What?" He asks, noticing the way your eyes dart around, but you dismiss his question.

"Just raring to go," you lie - and Jimin can see right through it. Doesn't care too much to ask any further.

He merges into oncoming traffic with ease. He's a smooth driver. Not as fast as Jeongguk, but just as competent. You know you shouldn't compare - but how can you not?

It was supposed to be Jeongguk giving you a lift to The Mins.

Was supposed to be him playing cheesy Christmas tunes and demanding you duet with him for the entire journey.

Was supposed to be him who stopped at a Mcdonald's drive-thru, 'cause he's addicted to the limited edition festive sauce that comes with the cheese bites.

Was supposed to be him who stopped in a side lane just down the road from Yoongi's place, so he could air his car out and make sure you both didn't smell like Maccies, knowing full well The Mins would be cooking up a storm.

Was supposed to be him .

And yet you're having to rely on Jimin - who you haven't seen since you last left his bedroom - to ferry you to Christmas Eve dinner.

It's not that you aren't grateful. Danbi is visiting family, and Hoseok always hangs out with his old school friends on Christmas eve, so you've been looking forward to this for weeks. It's always nice to be surrounded by people you care about, especially at this time of year. Far better than being alone.

"Spoken to Gguk today?" Jimin asks before he even bothers with other formalities. Knows that things have been a little... difficult, lately. Has noticed how antsy Jeongguk has been around the apartment. Short tempered. Impatient. Isn't sure if it's you or Jiyeong making him like this. Maybe both.

You're quiet for a moment as you wait for your phone to connect to his car speaker system. Are both amused and slightly disgusted by the name choice for his car - Park & Ride. A true lothario.

"Nope."

And then you realise that such a definitive answer makes way for a million questions, so you overcompensate.

"No need," you continue with a shrug. "He let me know that he couldn't do today, hence me asking if you could give me a ride - thanks, by the way - but other than that? I think we've both just been busy."

"Yeah," Jimin nods, then thinks, busy ignoring each other . "He actually asked me to give you a ride before you even called, so it's all good. No skin off my back.

"Thank you," you say regardless. "I really appreciate it."

"No bother," he shakes his head. "It's always good to have company - plus Yoongi lives so fucking far out of the city. I get bored alone."

"Well, consider me your very own entertainment system," you grin, as your phone finally connects to his radio system. His car is a lot different to Jeongguk's. No better, no worse. Just not the same.

Jimin doesn't force you to talk about Jeongguk like you half think he will. In fact, it's you who is the first one to mention him again.

"Bringing Jiyeong, isn't he?" You ask, trying to sound nonchalant.

He nods. "Mhmm. She wanted to spend Christmas with him, but he thinks it's too soon. This was his compromise, I guess."

You're silent for a moment, contemplating just what the fuck you've done to everyone's lives by setting him up with Jiyeong. Sure, it's not really a negative change, but it's a change nonetheless. Everyone's lives are affected by this. There'll be an extra seat at the table. Another present for Secret Santa.

Part of you doesn't understand why you're being so dramatic about it all. In the grand scheme of everything, Jiyeong changes nothing. Makes no difference if she's in attendance. The only thing it really changes is how Jeongguk will interact with you.

"That's nice," you say. You really want to mean it.

"Is it?" Jimin asks, his tone just as sincere as yours is trying to be.

"Mhmm," you nod. "It's good he's found someone."

Again, Jimin just asks, "is it?"

"Well, yeah?" You laugh softly. "I know he was hung up on Hayun for a while, so it's good that he's moving on."

Eyes on the road, Jimin smirks and gently shakes his head. "Think we've got different ideas of what 'hooked' means. Dumbass hasn't been hooked on her for months. Quite positively unhooked, if you ask me."

"Oh," you murmur. "Well, either way. It's nice having someone around this time of year."

"Is that what you're after?" He teases, knowing that you'd have had no problem trying to find that for yourself if you really wanted it.

"Couldn't think of anything worse," you grin - and you really do mean it. You've grown selfish in your singledom. Having to factor in someone else's feelings, their needs, their schedule, to your plans would just annoy you, you think.

You neglect to acknowledge how those things come without a second thought when you actually care about someone. It's not a chore, or an obligation. When you're into someone, you factor them in because life is better with them around. You'd rather disrupt your selfish ways to make room for them in your schedule.

"Me either, DB," Jimin agrees. "You're full of shit, though."

"Sorry?" You turn to face him, but his eyes are on the road, a smug smirk on his face.

"You're forgiven."

"No," you laugh. "Sorry as in 'what the fuck?' "

"That's far less polite," Jimin smiles, still, deliberately winding you up.

"So is telling someone they're full of shit!"

"Well, you are!" He laughs, looking up to the rear view mirror before he merges lane. "We both know if Gguk turned around and insisted on doing something that would disrupt your plans-"

"I'd tell him to wait his turn."

Jimin laughs again. "You're a liar."

"And you're a shit-stirrer."

He tilts his head a little, sticking his bottom lip out, as if he's considering your words - before conceding with a nod. "Yeah, you're not wrong. I just don't get the pair of you. Act like you're just friends, set each other up on blind dates, but shag ea-"

"Sorry?" You almost choke the second ' shag ' leaves his mouth.

"Forgiven," he smirks. "Again."

"Not what I meant," you protest. "Again."

"So what?" Jimin teases. "You're gonna pretend like you haven't?"

"We don't shag!" You almost shriek. It's not a lie. At least not anymore. "He's got a- well, I'm not really sure what they are, but it doesn't matter. He's seeing someone."

"So?"

"Oh my god," you say with even more horror than before. "Not everyone sluts themselves out for a quick thrill Jimin."

"True. But I do, and I know you do, too."

"You know no such thing."

"I've fucked you twice."

"Shut up."

"Is this what you're like with him, too?" He teases. It's all in good humour, but Jimin is trying to get under your skin.

Jeongguk wouldn't crack. Had said you'd rested some of your things on his chair when you came to say bye in the morning. Reckons you'd left it by accident.

Jimin's bed had been cold on the side that wasn't his and void of any perfume when he'd woken up. Knows you didn't sleep in his bed - but Jeongguk refused to admit anything, and so Jimin is seeing if you're easier to crack. Doesn't want the truth for truth's sake, but just because he loves being right.

"His skin ain't as thick as mine, poor baby needs a softer approach," Jimin adds. "Hope you're nice to him in bed."

"I've never been in his bed," you roll your eyes. "And poor baby ain't gentle in the slighte-"

"HA! So you are fucking him!"

"No!"

"Been trying to get the truth out of him for weeks," Jimin tells you.

"What truth?" You feign innocence once more.

" What truth? " He mimics, voice high in pitch and whiney - far whinier than you think yours actually is. "You're both as bad as one another. Why was your bra in his room after you fucked me?"

You're silent.

"It's a very simple question," he assures you.

You want to unbuckle your seatbelt, open the car door and roll onto the road. Don't care about the oncoming traffic. Would be far less painful than this conversation.

"The answer is simple, too," you say, deciding that deflection is the best way to go. "You're just not gonna believe anything I say unless it ends in an admission of us fucking."

"True," he concedes. "Look, I don't give a shit if you are. Accidentally gave him crabs once-"

"Sorry?"

"Forgiven," Jimin smirks, before deciding to just carry on with his declaration. "Was years ago, now. It's why he doesn't share towels. Anyways, what I'm saying is that we've shared weirder things."

"I'm not an object," you scoff a little, skipping the song that's softly humming from the speakers to something a little more lively. You're currently listening to some indie artist that Jeongguk had on once while he'd been studying during a hangout, and you don't like the constant reminders of him. The conversation is bad enough as it is.

"Nor were the crabs?"

Jimin, you decide, is one of the most complex people you've ever met. An interior designer with the simplest bedroom known to man; a charming lothario who is just as revolting as he is seductive. You're not really sure how he does it, but he does make you laugh at least. Mainly from confusion, but a laugh is a laugh. It's still enjoyable. He's nice to be around.

You're incompatible, to say the least, but he's fun, which is probably why you didn't mind going for round two - the more you get to know him though, the more you solidify the fact that round three is off the cards.

The rest of the drive goes without another mention of Jeongguk, and whether or not he's seen just as much of you as Jimin has. The man in the driver's seat is intuitive, though, and just knows . Doesn't need you to confirm it. Doesn't need Jeongguk to, either. Is content in his assumptions.

You're pleased to arrive before Jeongguk.

Seoyeon greets you with a hug as warm as a Daegu summer, and Yoongi's smile is just as toasty. Despite the freeze of winter months, the Min's cultivate a warmth that makes even the ondol seem redundant.

Yoongi studies the whisky with an impressed pout and a nod, reading over the label. "Good choice. Want some?"

Shaking your head, you pull out the vodka instead.

"Keep that away from Seoyeon," he jokes, which causes her to zoom back over to the pair of you with an enthusiastic smile.

"Keep what awa- oooh! Vodka," she grins. "Care to share?"

And so Yoongi's warning is redundant, because��yes , you really would like to share. It's not that Yoongi doesn't want her drinking, it's just that he knows her like the back of his hand. Vodka always gets her a little too tipsy, and they've still got a meal to serve up - but if he has to take the lead, he'll take it, just so she can let her hair down a little. It's Christmas, after all. A time for celebrating.

Yet when Jeongguk arrives, Jiyeong in toe, you find yourself downing the dregs of your first drink just to wash down your apprehension. Don't feel like celebrating. Feel like commiserating. You've not been around Jeongguk while he's been with Jiyeong since Tae's art show.

Makes you think of the bar. Makes you think of your hand on his thighs in the dark shadows, and the heaviness of his presence behind you in the bathroom, wide eyes on his in the reflection of an aged mirror. Makes you feel guilty .

It's not like anything happened - but you condemn yourself because you know it wasn't right, even if it wasn't exactly wrong.

"Sorry we're late," he says, and it's bizarre how his voice alone settles the ache in your chest. "Traffic was a bitch."

He reaches behind himself for her hand, to guide Jiyeong further into the room. The way she holds it, and how her other hand wraps around his wrist makes you think now would be a great time for another drink. You chalk it up to your disdain for PDA - as if you hadn't watched on with a smile as Yoongi had pressed a tiny kiss against Seoyeon's head while she'd been pouring herself a drink.

PDA doesn't bother you at all. In fact, you'd once argued with Seokjin about the fact he never held your hand in public. Said he didn't like getting clammy palms.

Maybe that's it. Maybe you're jealous of the intimacy.

Jeongguk's made leaps and bounds since the first bird fell - but Jeongguk never had an issue with intimacy. That one was all on you. Trained by Seokjin, you've a lot to unlearn, even now. You weren't done with the birds. Nowhere near close.

Jeongguk's fear of rejection is still just as potent as your intimacy issues, he just masks it well. Lets Jiyeong take the lead. He doesn't reject her, but he doesn't open himself up for rejection either.

He glances over to you and nods, a small smile on his lips. Head to toe in black, he's dressed up a little bit. Is in slacks and a button-up, a leather belt around his waist. Still got his converse on, though. His dainty silver lip ring flips ever so gently, and it's like you've been drinking prosecco this entire time, a little fizz bubbling in your stomach - so you pour yourself a glass of it to disguise the feeling. Hold it up and nod, as if to say some silent cheers or celebration.

Jiyeong catches his gaze. Whispers something in his ear. Diverts his attention - and so you divert your eyes. Engage in conversation with Nabi and Tae - a stupid debate about the best pepero flavour. Tae swears down by the original, but Nabi is an almond girlie. You offend them both when you say you like the 'nude' flavour - where the chocolate is on the inside, the biscuit acting as an outer layer.

"Of all the things I've ever learnt about you, this is by far the worst," Tae tells you with such certainty that you can't help but laugh. Nabi defends you. Tells Tae at least your choice isn't 'boring' like his.

Eventually, as you settle around the dinner table, everyone gets involved, and Jeongguk is the worst offender. Says the cheddar cheese flavour is underrated. Even Jiyeong refuses to defend him, there.

"Right," Tae says in disgust. "Little Miss Nude and Mr Cheddar fucking Cheese, you can both get out. I'm not celebrating Christmas with either of you."

"What?"

"Oh, c'mon!"

You both protest, but Tae refuses to have any of it. It's all in good humour - everyone is laughing, and tipsy grins are on the faces of the people you adore the most. Even Jiyeong seems to be enjoying herself - but she'll only look at Jeongguk. Not you. The joke is only funny because he's involved. If it were just you, she'd probably not find much humour in it.

Nabi is quick to refill both of your drinks throughout the evening.

"Christmas is reserved for being drunk, and drunk only," she tells you with absolute certainty as you dillydally in the kitchen while the rest of your friends continue their conversation around the dinner table. Seeing her out of her shell is nice, so you don't mind her insistence. "It's the true Scots way."

You learn more about her family - Scottish on her dad's side. She'd usually be there for Christmas, but having spent the summer there, she'd opted for Christmas back in Korea, and regrets it. Loves her family dearly, and misses their tradition of getting absolutely blitzed every December. It's not necessarily the 'true Scots way' as she says, but it's her way - getting you guys buzzed is her way of feeling like she's 'home'. It's lovely to be included, you decide.

Her hair is up with a tartan ribbon - Black Watch, she tells you the pattern is. Deep green and dark blue, it couldn't be further from her family's rich red-based tartan - but it didn't match her outfit as well, and she's not too precious about it.

She babbles about her family, and asks about yours. Is just as interested in you as you are in her. There's a warmth to Nabi once she opens up. Despite how cold she'd been the first time you'd met her, it seems as if this is the real Nabi. The standoffish approach is unintentional, and she realises it does her no favours - but makes the friendships formed much more genuine.

Dinner is eaten. Compliments are given to the chefs. Seoyeon and Yoongi battle for the head chef title, but it's redundant because everyone's a little too tipsy for their own good. All you'll remember in the morning is that it was fucking delicious. Might even rival your mother's cooking.

Jeongguk sits on the opposite side of the dinner table, a few seats down from yours. Jiyeong is next to him, closer to you, almost like she wants a barrier.

Or maybe she's just a girl sitting next to the guy she's dating at dinner.

You blame the bitter thoughts on the vodka-induced haze. It's unlike you - but Christmas was always going to be difficult for you. It's the one time of year Seokjin would really pull through. All of your fondest memories with him stem from this season.

You'd grown a little dependent on Jeongguk to alleviate the strain caused by the ghost of Christmas past, but he can't do that now. It's okay, that he can't. He shouldn't. Not if he wants things with Jiyeong to work out - of which he does.

Part of him knows, though, that an argument is brewing. It's in the way Jiyeong stiffens every time you become a focal point of the conversation. How her eyes follow you as you re-enter the room with Nabi, your friendship something she can't understand because she's still on cold-terms with Nabi. Doesn't realise yet it's just how Nabi works - and while you'd been tolerant of it, Jiyeong takes offence.

Her discomfort also shows in her grip on Jeongguk's thigh and how it becomes a little tighter when he laughs at jokes you make. A reminder, he thinks. You're here with me. Pay attention to me.

He can't blame her. They've been dating for a month. This is their first major holiday. Of course she'd want things to go well. To feel special.

Gym sessions have doubled as dates, which has increased the time spent together, but he's also made an effort outside of their common space. They've been for dinner, been to the city's main amusement park. Done 'datey' things, because that's the 'done' thing. He holds her hand when they're together, and kisses her goodbye.

He's still yet to invite her back to his. Not for a fear of rejection, but because he still hasn't taken those damn birds down.

Sometimes she likes to argue with him for the sake of making him squirm. If a text comes through from you, he knows a row is due - but has learned that sometimes she orchestrates them just to get him in her bed. Manipulates him a little bit. Whines. Says she doesn't even think he likes her that much - so he tries to prove that he does.

Thinks that maybe sex could be the answer - and given how sweet and sincere she always is in the aftermath, and how she always says sorry for being mean when he's in her sheets, it seems like it does work.

For a while, at least.

And so that's how his weeks go. Jiyeong is fine until she's not, and then Jeongguk will fix things by fucking her - because how could you possibly be an issue when she's the one he's fucking? It's her name on his tongue, her tongue in his mouth, and vice versa.

But he's found he's adopted your behaviours. He never stays over. He'll spend the evening at hers. Let her do things you won't. Kisses her when he fucks her, because it's what feels right - but doesn't stay the night because it feels wrong . It is intimate. He's not sure he wants to take things that far, yet. Isn't sure he likes the lingering resentment that's building; how it feels like he's being conditioned to associate sex with the unpleasantness of an argument.

He tries not to think of Hayun, but he remembers how he'd fuck her, just hoping - praying - she'd realise his feelings for her. Doesn't like that he's fucking Jiyeong as a way to prove himself. It feels too familiar.

They're not official. Exclusive, yes, but not official. It's still in its trial period, which is further than he ever got with Hayun, though.

Jeongguk knows, deep down, that he's too much of a hopeless romantic to ever need a 'trial period'. Knows that if this was the right thing for him, he'd already be thinking about sharing a home and naming children. Just how he's wired.

But he's jumped in too quickly before, and it's never ended well. He's taking things slow, because he wants it to be different. Knows that love is a choice, so he's actively choosing her.

Isn't in love yet. Not even close. But he wants to be.

And so he ignores the fact he doesn't think he can peacefully coexist with you without Jieyong getting irritated because he thinks if he keeps choosing her, she'll understand. He thinks if he proves himself, his dedication, that she'll accept it.

He's trying .

Even as an outsider, you recognise this. Can see that sometimes he goes to do things - to speak, to joke - and then catches himself. Speaks to her instead. Includes her in conversations that she'd otherwise remain mute in.

He's trying , which is more than Seokjin ever did for you. Makes you appreciate Jeongguk's careful nature even more. You think that Jiyeong would be mad to give him up, and it appears that he's not intending on giving her up, so all that's left to do is accept that this is your reality now.

The birds were fun while they lasted, but you'd rather have Jeongguk around, than not at all. It's a small compromise - and maybe you're a few drinks too deep, but by the time Secret Santa exchange comes around, you find yourself smiling at how animated he becomes. His round eyes glow with excitement, enthused by the fun of it all. A big kid at heart, Jeongguk is the purest soul you've ever known.

He's the one who passes out the gifts, like a kid on Christmas morning organising the presents beneath the tree. He wants to touch them all, feel their weight, see if they make a noise. Also wants to unwrap them all, but knows he can't, so excitedly hurries them along.

You can tell almost immediately who he wrapped a gift for - his smile becomes nervous, nibbling down on his bottom lip as he tentatively observes Tae unwrap an immaculately wrapped parcel. You should have guessed, really, knowing how good Jeongguk is with folding paper, that it would be from him.

Inside is a painting by numbers book for beginners - "Oh fuck off," Tae laughs - and a pair of earrings that have tiny, fully-functional, watercolour painting sets dangling from them.

Tae is obsessed . Takes his small hoops out, and puts the earrings in immediately. They're ridiculous and everyone is aware of it, but the way Tae dips the tiny brush into his wine and uses it to wet some of the paint is amusing to everyone. He gets straight to work painting in the first page - which is quite literally a square with just a single number inside it.

The way Jeongguk beams as Tae gets to grips with it is so endearing that you find yourself just as enthused as he is.

He's laughing, all childlike and full of life, and you decide that not having him in your life would be a crying shame. You're grateful for many things, but moments like these? They're the cherry on top of a good life.

You're a little more nervous as Jimin begins to unwrap his present.

It's from you, not that anyone is aware - hell, you're not even sure Jimin will realise the joke you're making as he neatly removes the ribbons you've wrapped around his gift. Everyone watches on with great curiosity as he begins to decipher what on earth he's received.

It's a two-part gift. The first thing? A desk sign.

Don't touch my pens , it reads - until he slides a small tab across, which changes it to say 'Do touch my pen.'

He smirks. Thinks he knows where this is going. Thinks he knows who gave it to him - and he unwraps the second part of your gift, he laughs in a way you don't think you've ever heard before.

"Oh, you little fucker," he grins at you, holding close three brand new pens, that match the one he'd claimed to be his favourite on the first night you had met. It's all a bit tongue-in-cheek, and you know it could probably prompt a few questions. You're not too sure what everyone knows of yours and Jimin's shared history, but you decide you don't really care.

"It's an in-joke," Jimin tells everyone, not wanting to air your dirty laundry. He sets his desk sign in front of him, and changes it back to ' Don't touch my pens ,' then neatly lines his new ones into a row, a pleased smile on his angelic face. Looks up at you. Grins. "Good memory."

You just shrug, pleased that he finds humour in them. The smile on your face is warm.

The smile on Jeongguk's face? Gone.

It returns when Jiyeong goes to open her present. Whoever had her name made a conscious effort to make her feel included despite not knowing her all too well. They also probably asked Jeongguk for some pointers, but that doesn't matter.

"Oh, these are ideal," she grins at a set of workout dice. There are six, each covered in different workouts and stretches. A final one indicates how many reps should be done. "I'm so bored of my current routine. These are literally perfect."

There's a lot to be said for how someone receives a gift, and Jiyeong seems genuinely appreciative. Alongside the dice is a custom water bottle with her name on it, and a cheat-day chocolate bar, both of which are just as well received.

From across the table, you sit with a soft smile on your lips. Perhaps this new normal could be nice.

Jeongguk feels your gaze. Glances towards you. Is pleased by the look on your face. Smiles, too.

You're the last to receive your present. It's wrapped a little haphazardly, and truth be told, you've no idea who it could be from. So far, no one has admitted to anything.

Occasionally, you just know - like Jeongguk's gift for Tae.

You've no idea who gifted Jeongguk quite possibly the largest shirt you've ever seen in your life.

It's a T-shirt, but the sleeves end by his wrists, and the hem of the shirt is below his knees. A joke at the expense of his love for baggy clothes, he's wearing it with pride and a silly little grin on his face. It's impractical and ridiculous, but it sums him up perfectly. Maybe it's the sheer amount of vodka you've consumed, but you can't seem to stop laughing every time you look at him.

Jiyeong doesn't really find it that funny, but she laughs too because she doesn't like the way Jeongguk looks at you when you laugh.

Yoongi's had nearly half a bottle of whisky because every time he notices the tension, he downs his drink. Can't be dealing with it. Doesn't understand how no one else is privy to it.

When you've finally discarded the wrapping paper, you find yourself laughing. Of course you are - the gift is perfect .

You open the box up, and then everyone joins in with your laughter as you pull out a bloody disco ball.

"Incredible," you beam, letting it spin in front of you, soft giggles escaping your lips. The light reflects as you twirl it around, dappling everyone in the most gorgeous speckles. Ethereal and whimsical, it's perhaps the best secret santa gift you've ever received.

Jiyeong doesn't smile. Just looks at Jeongguk as he looks at you, and wonders why he's incapable of ever looking at you without that stupid fucking smile on his face. It irritates her.

You don't look at Jeongguk. Just at the disco ball. You fear he's got stars in his eyes - and when your body betrays your mind, and eventually does glance towards him, you're proven right.

Of course he does though. He's looking at his star girl, and would have galaxies in his eyes regardless. Always has done. Regretfully, always will.

See, the stars are just reflections of your glitter. They won't burn out. Will never disintegrate. Very bad for the environment.

Forever is a long time, but he thinks it's the only accurate timeframe he can give to the splendour of your sparkle.

As your eyes linger for just a moment too long, there's an acute awareness between you both that things were better before.

He misses stargazing.

You miss the way he watches you.

Jeongguk doesn't know what to make of it. Things should be better now. Things should feel right - but he's holding back the full smile he wants to give you. Feels like he can't enthuse with you. Knows it will lead to an argument, and he's been trying to avoid those. Knows that Jiyeong is at her worst when she's had a few drinks, and knows it won't take much for her to blow up at him.

The worst part? He knows when they stopped for gas on their way there, he'd returned to the car with snacks (of which she'd naturally been happy about) but also an air freshener in the shape of a tiny fucking disco ball. He'd found it hilarious. She'd thought it was cute, but didn't understand why he liked it so much. She liked how much he liked it though, so had hung it up for him while he was driving.

Jeongguk knows she isn't stupid. Knows dots are being joined in her head. Knows that when he saw that air freshener, he thought of you. Knows that he loved it because of you. Part of him didn't even realise himself at the time, but now that he comes to think of it, it's obvious.

Jiyeong's internalised rage could shatter the disco ball you're holding into a thousand pieces - and Jeongguk knows you'd still find beauty in it.

You're a hopeless romanticist, just like he's a hopeless romantic. Both find love in things you shouldn't; you in ideas, him in people.

So he just nods. Lets someone else make jokes about your disco ball eyes, and how it's like looking at a sculpture of you. Laughs as you fake offence for being likened to a ball-shaped object - but stiffens his back when he realises Jiyeongs strengthening grip on his thigh.

You pretend you don't wish Jeongguk would make a stupid remark about how he was the one who invented that nickname, and how he deserves the credit.

He just turns to Jiyeong and whispers something in her ear. You've no idea what he says, but she smiles. Better than the death glare you'd been getting previously, so you ignore it.

That new normal you had decided was okay? Yeah. You hate it.

That Oscar-worthy performance you've been putting on prevails, though. As the night dwindles on, you holding the disco ball close, fractured light painting your throat in different hues, you couldn't look happier.

Natural divisions form - Jeongguk ends up in the kitchen with Tae, Jimin and Jiyeong, while Yoongi stays with the girlies. Namjoon is off visiting family, so he doesn't have his usual right-hand man - but he has his wife-to-be and a little plait in his hair, so he doesn't mind all too much.

"It's upstairs," Yoongi says to you quietly a little while later. "Spare room."

You nod, knowing what he means straight off the bat. Glancing through the doorway to where Jeongguk has his arm looped around Jiyeong's shoulders, a pretty smile on her face, you frown.

"Go up," Yoongi just says. "I'll sort it. First room on the left. Door's open."

You do as you're told - only realising quite how drunk you are when you stand. Walking straight is never your strong point after a few drinks, but you've been sitting for so long that you didn't realise quite how bad it was.

The room Yoongi directed you to is quaint - a small bed, not quite a double, is snug against the window. All of the furniture is carved from the same wood, and you know instantly that Yoongi must have made every single piece of it. It's impressive. Commendable. You understand why Seoyeon is so smitten. There's something to be said for a man who has mastered his craft. Maybe that's why you like seeing Jeongguk behind the bar so much.

A thin box lays on top of the white quilt, denting it from the weight. You check it over. Open it up. Pout. It's perfect .

Crafted by Yoongi, a dark walnut cutting board engraved with Jeongguk's name sits perfectly in the box, a thin layer of tissue paper beneath it. One edge has the natural shape of the wood running up it, while the rest have been sanded to a gorgeous curve. In the bottom corner, Yoongi's logo - his own name - is branded into the wood. It's gorgeous. One of a kind.

After visiting Yoongi's studio together, and seeing Jeongguk delicately run his fingers along similar ones, an idea had brewed in your head. Thought it was apt, knowing he wants his own samgyeopsal place.

You've barely managed to close it again when you hear a small knock on the open door.

Turning, you're greeted by your favourite person, and you can't even hide your smile. He can't hide his, either. His oversized shirt is tied around his neck by the sleeves, as if he's wearing a cape. You think he's ridiculous and it makes you giggle.

"What?" he beams - 'cause he can't suppress his smiles, either. Has been holding them in all evening, but now it's just the pair of you, he can finally indulge.

Yoongi had pulled him to the side. Told Jiyeong he needed to borrow him quickly. Followed Jeongguk upstairs, but went to the bathroom instead. Told Jeongguk to go to the spare room.

Maybe the deceit isn't ideal, but it's for a good cause, Yoongi thinks. Would do it again, no questions asked. Thinks that this is worthy of breaking Seoyeon's 'no gifts other than secret santa' rule.

"Have I been lured here under false pretences?" He speaks quietly, moving a little closer, tapping against the door to push it nearly shut. It's ajar, but only just.

"Maybe," you whisper back. Take a step closer. He holds his hands out, palms up, for you to gently slap yours against his. The contact is innocent. He just misses being tactile with you.

"Maybe?" He raises his brows, tilting his head slightly. His eyes narrow, smile persisting, a small laugh stuttering between his lips as his nose begins to scrunch. He's as drunk as he is handsome.

"Maybe," you nod, before looking over to the box on the bed. "Santa's been."

Jeongguk still his hands. Holds yours a little. Pretends he isn't.

"For me?"

"Mhmm," you nod, pulling your palms from his grasp, reaching over for it. "Here."

He takes it slowly. Is apprehensive. It makes you laugh. Says nothing as he eases the lid off the box - then stops moving entirely as he realises exactly what it is.

"For the restaurant," you say softly, a nervous smile on your lips. Eyes wide, you can't fully work out what he's thinking. "When you finally open it. I know wooden chopping boards aren't, like, health and safety approved, but I wasn't really thinking about that when I decided to get you one, so I'll buy a new set when the time comes-"

"No," Jeongguk shakes his head. Finally looks up at you. Looks like he might cry. "No, this is perfect. Perfect . B, what the fuck?"

And then he laughs. Chokes a little, because he really is trying to hold back the fact he feels like he'll cry. Holds the board in one hand, and uses the other to pull you in for a hug so warm that it feels like you're being engulfed by a thousand flames.

You've always believed in his dreams with reckless abandon. Have never doubted him. Know that one day you'll be drinking purple starfuckers after hours at the bar of his very own samgyeopsal place. You will . You're sure of it.

And while Jeongguk's always quietly hoped that he'd be able to achieve his dreams, he's never had someone enthuse about it in the way that you do. Never had someone absolutely certain that his dreams would play an active role in their own reality.

But you do.

So he sets the cutting board gently down on the bed and fully wraps his arms around you. Hugs you because he doesn't know how else to convey the way it makes him feel. Appreciative? Maybe. But it's more than that. More than delight, contentedness, gratefulness. He's experiencing all of those things, but they're too simple for such a complex feeling.

"Perfect," he whispers against the side of your head. "So fucking perfect."

He doesn't clarify that he's talking about the cutting board. Doesn't think he needs to. Also knows he not talking about the board at all, but knows better than to admit that.

"I'm glad you like it," you smile against his chest, then pull away from the hug. "Just thought maybe you should start gathering your resources, yanno?"

It's a lie. You just wanted to get him a gift.

He picks it up again and traces the grooves, fingers tenderly drawing over the wood grain. Studies it, because he knows if he looks at you again, he won't be able to make sensible choices.

"I love it."

"Pretty, isn't it?" You grin, watching his hands delicately feel their way around the board.

He looks up at you briefly. His eyes linger, then fall back to his hands.

"Yeah," he smiles. "Very pretty."

You let him study it for a little longer, before encouraging him downstairs. You tell him everyone will be wondering where he is. You think they really will. Think he's the life and the soul. Fail to realise just because he's the person you're always focused on, doesn't mean that everyone else is.

"Wait," he says as you reach the top of the stairs, the board tucked beneath his arm.

"Mhmm?"

"Thank you."

"It's fine," you smile - but Jeongguk looks serious all of a sudden.

"I mean it, Byeol. You don't... This is..." he struggles to find the words, so just laughs. "I'm so glad to know you."

You can't help the smile that breaks on your face, like a shooting star in the darkest of nights. Your glitter reflects the warm light pooling from up the stairs, and Jeongguk realises he's missed you far too much.

"Knowing you is okay," you tease, before ushering him downstairs. "C'mon. Seoyeon was talking about playing a game just before we headed up. Don't wanna miss the fun."

You're also aware you've been away for a little too long. Know that Jiyeong will probably start getting antsy. You know in her position, you probably would feel the exact same, and you don't want to make life difficult for anyone.

"You go first," you encourage. "I'll follow in a moment."

He does as he's told, while you head to the bathroom and freshen yourself off. Wipe the glitter that trails down your cheek when you fail to compose yourself and find a tear falling. There's no reason to cry. Everything went well - but maybe that's reason enough. Maybe you were reminded of how good things were before you fucked them all up, by insisting on Jeongguk following through with that damn bird.

When you finally return, everyone is in good spirits. The night continues as such. Jeongguk and Jiyeong leave first, with Jimin joining their taxi because it just makes sense. Part of you revels in satisfaction when you hear Jeongguk state there'll two drops to the ride: Jiyeong's place, then back to his place for him and Jimin.

You catch a cab with Tae and Nabi a little while later, though you're sure in the morning you'll forget all about it. Will forget most of the evening, most probably. You're fucked. Nabi's mission? Accomplished - but she's just as bad as you are. Throws up in her bag in the back of the Taxi.

As you eventually meander up the corridor to your apartment, a small sense of dread swells in the pit of your stomach.

Much like the evening of Taehyung's art show, there are flowers by your door.

They're different, this time. Out of season, you think. Oranges and purples you'd expect to see in the warmth of early summer, not in the barren cold of winter - but they're familiar. A small bunch. Expensive because of the time of year, but minimal compared to the obnoxious roses you'd been greeted with before.

You're getting pretty good at mental gymnastics. Tell yourself maybe Seokjin fancied doing something a little different this time. There's no calling card, from what you can see - just a small box wrapped in brown paper and sealed shut with washi tape.

For some reason, you find yourself cursing when you notice the small detail, because you know exactly where you recognise it from. Your heart grows heavy, lips pressing together to suppress a pout.

See, Jeongguk had been lying about the traffic.

He was late because he had to drop by yours before heading up to Yoongi's place. Didn't want Jiyeong to ask questions, so went to yours before he got her, but also wanted to make sure you'd left your place first. Has Jimin on his friend finder app, so stalked him like a little creep to make sure nothing would overlap.

He's not too sure why.

When you pick the flowers up, you find yourself cradling them, almost. Far more care is taken than there was with the roses. These are more precious, you think - and yet you set them down on the counter first, and don't bother to sort the vase out.

Instead, you slide your thumb under a loose section of paper, gently prizing away the washi tape from the brown paper.

The box itself is no bigger than your palm. White once you remove the earthy-toned packaging, it's embossed with a small silver stamp of a company you've never heard of.

Nervousness finds its home in your diaphragm for no good reason. Delicately opening the box, you're greeted first by a small card. It's handwritten, unlike the ones that so often come with flowers from Seokjin.

But of course it is. Everything about Jeongguk is far more intimate. It's innate. Just who he is as a person. S'why he was so good with those pesky fears of yours.

When you finally start to read the note, you realise your vision is a little blurred from tiny tears making their presence known. You're not crying. Not really. Just a little emotional. You blame it on the vodka.

for the wind beneath my wings, and the washi tape that holds my fears safe.

what would i do without you?

keep on shining, disco ball x

Beneath the note sits a dainty silver chain. Resting prettily on the cushioned padding of the box is a small charm: an ornate silver origami bird.

You're not sure why, but you really do start crying, now. The tears fall silently, and speckle the countertop with tiny splashes, but you don't care to wipe them away.

In your back pocket, your phone vibrates. A picture sent from Jeongguk waits in your message feed.

Across town, he stands in his dimly lit kitchen, a glass of red in his hand as he leans back against the kitchen island. The chopping board is hung next to the stovetop, where a pot usually lives, but Jeongguk has hidden it away in the cupboard. Thinks Yoongi's handiwork deserves to be displayed - and he's right. The dark walnut wood looks gorgeous against the backsplash of his kitchen.

The picture sent to you is of his view, and he's pleased to feel his phone vibrate in his own back pocket just a few minutes later.

You reply with a picture, too.

It's of his gift card, with a hastily scribbled reply over the top of the photograph. You often annotate the pictures you send him, and it always makes him smile - but this time, he really does laugh.

Next to his question - what would i do without you? - your hot pink digital handwriting replies: idk - die, probably.

And then a second message pings through - a selfie, taken in the mirror.

Your hair is down, slightly kinked in places from your up-do, but ever so elegant as it drapes over your shoulder. Your roots are well and truly growing through now, and it makes Jeongguk smile. So much progress has been made. It's nice to see a physical representation of that.

Your eyes are a little bleary, but it could just be the alcohol, he thinks. Chooses to ignore the fact your nose is slightly blushed, too.

Tiny speckles of glitter catch the light all over your skin - your eyes, your cheeks, your throat, the top of your chest. Again, he ignores the fact you're without the clothes you had been wearing. There are still straps over your shoulders, but he knows you well. Knows you're in your underwear. Recognises the bra. Has taken it off you before.

Nothing is on show, but nothing needs to be. He's visualising it regardless. Hates himself for it, but can't seem to stop.

In fact, the only thing that does avert his attention is the silver pendant around your neck. It sits prettily a few inches above your cleavage, perfectly adorning you like fine jewellery should.

It's not like it was unreasonably expensive - just sterling silver - but something about it feels priceless. To him. To you. To the friendship you've cultivated and the lives you both lead; forever changed by a couple of purple starfuckers and a few bad decisions.

Something tells me this one won't fall, your caption reads.

Jeongguk purses his lips together. Looks at the chopping board. Shakes his head. Doesn't know how to reply.

So instead, he tries honesty.

You look beautiful.

The message sits in his side of the chat, unsent. He knows the compliment is too heavy. Doesn't matter if it's true or not. So he rephrases, and presses send on something else.

Jeongguk: suits you, b

Of course it does. Was chosen for you by someone who knows you better than you know yourself.

You: best friend in the whole entire world x

You: what would I do without you?

Jeongguk smirks to himself. Doesn't even think as he types.

Jeongguk: die, probably

Your reply makes his smile grow even wider.

You: till death do us part ;)

He knows he shouldn't find such comfort in the joke you've just sent, he can't help it.

Jeongguk knows you'll be away visiting family over the next few days, just like he is. Knows that he won't hear from you much. Understands why. Doesn't mean he enjoys the prospect of it.

He considers inviting you around, now.

But it's Christmas morning, albeit very early and he knows the implications of such a thing. He wouldn't mean anything by it, he's just missed you. Missed hanging out with you.

But he invested himself in someone else because of the investment he made in you, and the birds. He has expectations to live up to. Doesn't wanna let you down.

Neither of you sleep as well as you should. Life was easier as a kid, the excitement of Father Christmas visiting enough to wipe you out entirely. Even the alcohol isn't enough to lull you into a peaceful equilibrium.

Instead, Jeongguk stares at the birds on his ceiling. You twiddle with the bird around your neck.

It's apparent that neither of you will be waking up to the gifts you really want beneath your trees - and you've only got yourselves to blame.

Merry fuckin' Christmas.

AO3 | MASTERLIST | MINORS DNI

[synthetickitsune]

Vanishing Act ✧ y.jh

Pairing: Yoon Jeonghan x gn!reader Genre: angst Summary: He's a coward. Knowing he's doing the right thing means little when he's doing it in the worst way possible - but it's the only way that Jeonghan's able to do it. Word count: 2.3k Warnings: abandonment, running away before the wedding A/N: On today's episode of why am i doing this to myself... ♫ Prásknu Bičem - Štěpán Kozub, Jiří Kohut ♫ What Could Have Been - Sting, Ray Chen

The morning mocks him.

Since when is it this bright this early?

Must be the ending spring. The season is slowly coming to an end and the blossoms fall, the colors step back to make room for the lively green. The animals will raise their young now.

He feels his heart in his throat. No, not his heart. More like a lump of something that's long since died and went cold. On a second thought, though, isn’t that what his heart is? Isn’t that what it feels like? Perhaps not entirely, but things would be easier if that was how it is.

His palms are sweaty, he's all sticky and disgusting with cold sweat. His own heartbeat is rushing in his ears. He can't hear anything. Everything he sees is a blur. Then again, that one is his own fault as he madly, almost hysterically keeps shaking his head and frantically looks around the room for anything that he could grab. Just one thing would be good enough.

He’d do anything to avoid looking at you but you’re all he can see.

The car will be here in about ten minutes. 

He needs to get a move on, but then he would need to focus and all he can focus on is you - still fast asleep and unaware. Right up to the last moment.

He went to great lengths to ensure it would stay that way.

He knows it’s cruel. He hopes it will make you hate him enough to forget everything.

He spots the note on your bedside table. The pieces of paper torn from his journal; the couple pages that he wanted to fill with words but that ended up empty, safe for a pathetic i'm sorry.

His hand still itches to reach for the papers, for pen, to write and to explain. He doesn't let himself give in. He knows the words would continue to evade him even if he tried. It’d be impossible to write anything that would justify the annihilation he's about to cause if he was the greatest poet to ever live.

Asking for forgiveness would be pointless and the greatest sin.

He doesn’t want you to hate him. He truly doesn’t. But he sees no other way this could end, and he understands. He’s not stupid. So he doesn’t ask for you to forgive him, yet even just those three lonely words seem like cowardice.

Because he is a coward.

A pathetic, no good coward that can't even look at you.

He knows if he did he wouldn't see you - not only you.

He would see the venue. 

The beautiful flowers you've spent weeks picking come to mind first. You’ve never fought, it was always you two having conversations and discussions that he wouldn't hesitate to call downright study sessions. It felt like going back in time to when you were students as you've set over books upon books on flower language. You both wanted the blossoms to be meaningful. 

Going through the final list in his head now, he has to bite down on his own fist to avoid screaming, to muffle the choked and broken sob tearing itself from his throat.

There are so many eternities, confessions of the purest forms of love, hopes and promises - all of them now empty. Or that's how you will see them, and maybe that's for the best.

Looking at you, he would also see the simple yet elegant white decor of the venue. The white that will turn into the color of sadness that it is. He will never get to see it filled with guests. And you will never get to wear the beautiful surprise he has to see - that he won't get to see for he’s not a masochist enough to look into the other room where it lies hidden. He won’t do that to himself. Though he supposes if it’s white you’ve decided to wear, it still might, appropriately, serve function as a mourning gown.

Will you choose to hurt yourself more? Not on purpose. He knows you won’t be able to help your curiosity. You won’t resist the dread. There, of course, will be no reason to trust him anymore, or he might’ve added to the poor imitation of a goodbye letter to not look for him, to stay away from the venue altogether. 

Why would you try to search for him, though? Isn’t his i’m sorry telling enough? Will you think he’s only teasing? He hopes not. He would never be so cruel as to joke about this. Even if he supposes it will look like this - your relationship, the next step you were supposed to take - was all a joke to him.

It wasn’t.

He wants you to know that, but he knows even if he tried telling you, you wouldn’t believe him. Not after what he’ll have done.

Every new thought feels like a punch to the gut and it makes him nearly double over. Will you walk down the aisle? Will you be crying? Of course you will, and it makes his heart shrivel up thinking about you looking for him, uselessly, with tears streaming down your cheeks. Will your parents be there? Will they hold you so you don't fall apart instead of guiding you forward to entrust you to him?

What will they think? Will they curse the man who hurt their baby? They should. They should curse him. Burn all the memories of him - the photos, gifts, all that he’s bound to forget or simply leave behind because he physically can't remove everything that’s his or that will remind you of him but oh, he would if he only could.

Your parents should finish the job if he can't. For once, they should ignore your cries and just do it.

Let him burn and turn to ashes for breaking your heart, for causing hurt so deep and irreparable that he knows you’ll never fully recover from it.

Jeonghan will carry the scar too, deep on his heart and soul.

How can he do this to you?

He can't think about it. He can't. He will lose his mind.

His fingers are pulling on the roots of his hair and he barely feels a thing even as some give way.

He’ll hurt you so bad.

He knows.

He wishes he didn't but he knows. He knows how much it will hurt. He’s suffering too, he’s hurting too.

But he has no right to hope for relief or to complain.

Knowing he's doing the right thing brings no comfort when he's doing it in the worst way possible. It's the only way he can do it, though.

He's been living in despair, he's driven himself crazy thinking about how to do this - how to hurt you as little as possible. There's no such way; nothing he can do to make this anything but destructive. And there's no other way to do it that he could pull off either. No other way he could go through with this without backing out.

How pathetic is he?

Sitting, collapsed, in the corner with both hands covering his mouth so that he doesn't wake you up, choking on his own sobs. He can't see through tears, and he has no right to, yet all he wants is to see you one final time.

He wants to see you so much. His heart can’t break any more. 

He needs to see you. 

Even though it means seeing all that will never come to be, all that he will regret not being able to give you.

Jeonghan knows what everyone is going to say about him - that he’s heartless, a sadist, and an asshole the world would be better off without.

He knows.

And they will all be right.

Then again, however, wouldn't the alternative be equally as cruel?

Because Jeonghan also knows that he could go through with the wedding. He could stay, he could live with you, could spend the rest of his life with you - and he’s helpless because he wants it so much it hurts.

He wants to keep waking up with you, he wants to keep coming home to you, wants to keep holding you, wants to feel your fingers in his hair.

He wants all of that, forever.

And perhaps that’s the problem.

No matter how much he wants it, he doesn’t feel it. Perhaps he just wants to be able to stay complacent in the life that seems like it’s been all laid out for him. The one route he could take and never have to worry again.

He wants it - for heaven’s sake he wants it so much, he wants it but it’s like he’s forcing himself to walk on burning embers. And that’s not what he wants. He wants it to be like before, for everything to flow naturally, not like he’s forcing it down his own throat only to satisfy everyone but himself.

He can do it for long enough, but he can’t do that for the rest of his life. 

His heart breaks, and he breaks, and his damn tears won't stop so he could look at you.

He wants so much.

But Jeonghan is anything but selfish.

As cold as the nights without you will be, they won't be as bad as the dread and the sinking feeling in his stomach that he got every time you’d talk about the future.

He doesn’t know where it came from, nor is he sure when it started.

All he knows is that he can't give you what you want.

Maybe it's just that the concept of marriage, all that it’s supposed to mean and be, is putting too much pressure on him. Maybe he's just not ready.

He doesn't know - he wishes he did, he wants to know what's wrong so bad that it’s killing him. Because if he knew, then he could solve it. He could ask for more time to work it out but while he wants you, imagining the married life makes his heartbeat race in a way that makes him nauseous and his throat closes up. He panics so bad that he can’t feel his limbs and gets paralyzed. All he can think of is running away somewhere; somewhere home where he will be isolated from time and the world.

Perhaps it's just that he only loves the idea of ‘you’. Someone familiar, loving, safe.

When did it all go wrong?

He wants to go back to when his love for you was bright and warm, not anxiety- and nausea-inducing.

He tried to change how he feels but he is only a flawed, imperfect human and some things are just beyond his control. If he thought about it deeply enough, he could figure out the pieces and recreate the bigger picture of how it all came to this. He could, it’d be so easy - but he's not strong enough.

He can't do anything but swallow whimper after whimper because his vision finally focused for long enough to see you.

You, who’s still sleeping so peacefully, relaxed and happy and satisfied. You’re almost glowing. Will you be able to ever lit up like that again? In your dreams, you must be married to him already. He must avoid robbing you of that as well.

He’s already taken, taking, so much.

Watching you, the list gets longer and his eyes overflow again.

You've always talked about having a family. 

Who's going to give it to you now?

It's nonsense but his eyes that are barely able to make out shapes through tears drift to the empty spot between your chest and your arm. A baby, a cat, a puppy - you’ve never decided properly - would fit there so nicely and snuggly. It would feel your warmth and the reassuring safety your embrace provides. He’d know.

It's just another thing he can't give you.

Another reason he needs to leave. To disappear.

You need to move on and forget him.

You need to hate him so much that you will make your life the best one out of pure spite.

He knows that's not how it works but he needs to pretend.

As the final act of self-preservation he needs to persuade himself you can be fine without him even if it will take a while. 

And he truly wants to believe that.

He can’t live in a world where he broke you without any hope of you ever getting better.

His phone starts buzzing in his back pocket and he wipes his face furiously before grabbing his backpack and the couple bags he’s packed and bolting out the door without looking back. If he turns back to steal one last look, he knows he will stay and doom both of you.

He only allows himself a second to close the front door gingerly, leaning his forehead against the wood for another second.

He will miss the home you've had.

It was a good one - the best one he’s had, actually.

He doesn't meet Seungcheol’s or Joshua's eyes once he gets into the car.

It's obvious from the tense silence that greets him that they want to yell at him some more, try to make him talk to you about it like the one extra scolding would make a difference. 

And to be perfectly honest Jeonghan isn't sure he could stand his ground in his current state - but that's precisely the reason why his friends keep their mouth shut.

They only share a concerned look.

For as tough and determined as Jeonghan seemed telling them about it and asking for their help - because he couldn't trust anyone with his life like he could these two - he is a mess now it all came to a head.

Seungcheol turns the key and starts the car without a word.

The engine roars to life and as they drive away, Jeonghan can see the window to your bedroom getting smaller and smaller, the sun reflected in it dying with each meter.

But that's okay.

Something inside him is dying too.

[bethelighthalazia]

Last Dance?

Summary:  When your boyfriend doesn't take enough care of himself, the inevitable happens at the end of one of ATEEZ’s concerts.

Pairing: bf!Yunho x fem!reader

Word Count:  1282

Warnings: angst, injury, blood

[ AN: This was just an idea that ran through my head and was intended as oneshot. Well, here is part two: Dancing Forever. Read with caution please. <3 RE-UPLOAD from my old blog @justsomedreaming]

© by bethelighthalazia. Do not repost, copy or translate. Unless stated otherwise, those works are mine and born from my own ideas. I don't have any claim on the mentioned real existing Idols whatsoever.

The day of the concert began horribly already with you waking up to Yunho´s empty side of the bed. You know that he didn't sleep, since his side is cold and there is no dent in his pillow. He usually is not as nervous, but the night before, he already had struggled to fall asleep at all. With a sigh, you sit up in bed, sending Mingi a text, asking if he knows where your boyfriend is. Soon, your phone rings and seeing the caller id, you pick up.

“Hey Y/Nnie, Yunho is here, what’s up? He said he woke up early and wanted to let you sleep in.” Mingi said before you even could start speaking, a frown etched onto your features when you stay quiet. This silence was enough for Mingi to realize that his best friend seemingly had lied to him about that. “He wasn't home at all, right?” “Hmh, I'm worried…I think he's overworking, but he won't listen when I ask him to take breaks.” You answered him quietly, worried about your boyfriend. Hearing a shuffling through the phone, you soon realize that Mingi must have stopped Yunho from dancing and sat him down. ‘I am fine Mingi, just going over this dance again…I was home but slept on the sofa!’ You heard Yunho's voice quietly, swallowing hard and feeling guilty for not trying harder to make him take breaks or sleep. Only a few moments later, Mingi must've picked up his phone, because he said something again. “Don´t worry, he'll take a break now, I promise. See you backstage later?” He asked and you only nodded at first, quickly mumbling an ‘okay’ for him before you hung up. 

A few hours later, you arrived at the place of the concert, the security searching you before letting you in, they knew you by now, but always followed protocol strictly, which you were thankful for. Walking down the hallway, you stopped shortly before reaching the open door to their backstage room, hearing Yunho talk to his stylist as it seemed. “I already had dinner, so you can put on my makeup already, thanks. What? Oh, yeah I'm okay, just woke up early today, sorry for that.” Hearing his voice made your heart heavy, knowing that this is the voice he uses when he's hiding something. Taking a deep breath to calm down, you then stepped into the room, quickly being greeted by the boys, Wooyoung wanting to hug you, but you duck away from them with a chuckle. Their energy never bothered you, you really closed these boys in your heart. “Stop! You all, sit,” You said, putting on a scolding look and, to your surprise, they actually followed your order, except for Yunho, who already had been sitting in his makeup chair. Giving your boyfriend a short look, you frown but then turned back to the boys, revealing a box with nine donuts, one for each of the boys and one for you, all in their favorite flavors. 

After they almost ripped the box from your hands, you secured the ones for you and Yunho and walked over, deciding that it had no use to scold him. A smile on your face, you kissed the top of his head and held out the donut for him. “Hey Yuyu, here I was able to save this from the boys for you,” you chimed quietly, taking a bite of your own while he did take his donut from your hand. “Thanks jagi. Sorry for leaving early this morning…” You shook your head, signaling him that he doesn't have to apologize, you knew how hard the boys always work for their concerts, so you gave up on scolding them a long time ago now. “It's okay, you forgot your keys though. I will leave you now, so your stylist can do her job, she´s already staring daggers at me,” you joked, which made Yunho smile, giggle quietly even, before he nodded and kissed you gently. “Don´t worry, I´ll protect you from her.” 

The moment Yunho turned back to the mirror, Mingi called you to him, asking for help with something, but when you sat down on the couch next to him, you frowned. “Okay, either you want my attention, or you should go to the gym, because opening this bottle is something you also can do alone, Mings.” You said, but he laid an arm around your shoulder and smiled, making you think this might be more an act for Yunho than anything. “He looks like shit lately, Y/nnie…what´s up?” He asked and with a little sigh, you leaned your head against his shoulder, talking quietly. This exchange is nothing new for the others, they know how close you and Mingi were from the beginning, he's like a big brother to you. “I don´t know, Mings…he doesn't talk to me. It's been like this for weeks now. He ate less, didn't get much sleep and sometimes didn't even come home from practice.” You explained, letting out a deep sigh. You didn't know why your boyfriend had been so distant lately, not only to you, but also the others. “Did something happen between you guys? Or…maybe something on twitter or such stuff?” Your head tilted backwards to look up at Mingi with a confused expression, but he couldn't really answer this either. Yunho didn't tell any of the boys anything, they assumed he´d be okay. “Maybe it's the stress? This is the last concert before our vacation, maybe he is just stressed.” The taller one tried to reassure you, but the worry just doesn't go away. After a bit, it was time for the boys to go on stage and you headed to your spot in the VIP area, near the backstage exit of course. ATINY knew that you and Yunho were a couple and they welcomed you happily.

The concert went well, the boys rocked the stage like they always do and you kept cheering for them, your eyes never leaving Yunho though. You could see that his movements became more and more sloppy, as if he's losing his usual energy throughout the performances, which is not like him. No matter how long it is, Yunho never falters in his dancing, but today? It was worrying. After the last song, they stood there for the ending fairy and you already noticed that he seemed somewhat out of it, his eyes half shut and his breathing seemed staggered. 

Before they all left the stage, you already got up to hurry backstage, but then you saw it in the corner of your eyes. While the boys were walking down the little stairs, Yunho seemed to stumble, but a sudden shout let you look properly. 

Time seemed to slow down, a heavy lump in your throat when your feet moved on their own. You saw him falter in his steps before he suddenly dropped like a puppet whose strings got cut. The others didn't realize at first what was happening since he was the last to leave stage, only when Yunho´s arm fell against San who walked in front of him, they noticed that your boyfriend passed out and fell down those steps, hitting his head on the edge of the stage in the process. The last thing you saw was a bleeding wound before your sight was blocked by staff and the other members of ATEEZ.

“Yunho!” You screamed when you tried to reach them, some security men holding you back while Mingi and San carried Yunho backstage to a room and Seonghwa rushed to you, pulling you into his arms to keep you from following them, panic on everyone's faces.

taglist: @mingis-mizu, @tinyelfperson

(if you want to be added to a taglist, follow the taglist-link in my pinned post)

[rageagaiinstaa]

Hazel greens look up from the deck of Witch Crafter cards that lay before her on the dark, wooden table at the sound of the woman's voice. She knows that voice and hearing the name that goes with it tells her where she knows that name from. "Hello. I've heard of you. You were in Battle City right?" she asks, tilting her head to the side.

"My name is Annaleigh. It's nice to meet you." The teenager gets up from her chair, pushing it back as she does. Then, she shakes the woman's extended hand.

Mai's never been one for teams or groups, so outside of a select few, she hasn't met most of the other duelists working with DOMA. Still, for some reason, the sight of a teenage girl among the ranks stirs something in her heart. She tries to ignore it, but figures there's no harm in at least introducing herself to a colleague.

"Hey," she says, extending a hand. "Mai Kujaku. Have you heard of me?"

// @rageagaiinst

[caffeinated-chaos-bean]

Sinking deep into the sea

Of all this misery,

There's no point open up my eyes

I've been falling constantly,

won't you ever search for me?

I wonder, if this is all my destiny...

I'm not sure why it's

me, and where am I to go

Then I see a light that

blinded me with a soft glow

I could reach out and pretend

that I had it in my hand

But it passes and I'm left

with just some empty sand

I wonder what exactly was

that dim yellow thing

So close so far so nice so

warm and yet so dazzling

Subconsciously, I counteract

that light for covering

(So) Pathetic and deceiving...!!!

I'm a deep sea girl,

sinking deeper down below

Trapped beyond all the darkness

where no light will ever show

That deep sea girl, how

she yearns for that light

Prisoned in the dark, but it

seems she's finally found

the one who holds her heart

As I pass the dayless nights,

and I see the nightless days

Such sleepless times floating

endless in the waves

Then I see you spread your wings

And so slowly fly away

I wish I could capture

your glimpse here to stay

Again the light was pouring

down, I gazed with surprise

Paid no attention to the blue

eyes watching from nearby

And then I glanced and what was

left: we met with locking eyes

You swam towards me, who'd lied

I'm a deep sea girl, sinking

due to my own will

Blushing red even deep within

the dark that was so still

That deep sea girl wants

to show her heart and soul

But the shadows cause her to doubt

herself if she could even let it go

My clothes are stained so

black in this endless darkness

My smile, so warped in

this void-like abyss

My face, so lost, I cannot

show it to you again

Please leave me be in this blue

I am overflown with all these anxious

feelings I can't fight so I'd hide

But in a second, suddenly

you're nowhere to be seen

You're so out of sight....

I'm a worrywart girl,

screaming out in despair

Once again, all alone lost

in the dark without a care

The unfree girl reached to

the light with all her might

"See? You're, all this time,

filled with all those brilliant

bursting colours right inside"

I'm a deep sea girl, pulled

along by your strong hand

Blessings sung, oh how sweetly,

as I rise up from the sand

That deep sea girl wants to

know this from the start

Because at long last, she knows she has

truly found the one who holds her heart

I'll break free from this sea so

that i can soar through the sky

Made for @strawberry-metal

Luka is her favorite vocaloid, and on top of that Deep Sea Girl is a song she resonates with greatly.

I hope you like it, Sha~ <3

[billycorn]

All Our Days

@sincerely-sofie I am sorry for this one. I know it is not the vibes, but I offer it nonetheless

Kip sat on the beach, watching the sun dip below the horizon. It's orange and golden rays bounced off the water, turning the ocean into a sea of fire.

Fire.

Tears sprung to his eyes, but Kip fought them back, and smiled. "Hey, Twig. Sorry it's been so long since I visited. I've been really busy with guild work. I've helped a lot people. I think you'd be really proud."

Laughing to himself, Kip gave up on withholding his tears. Instead, they flowed freely down his cheeks. He looked to the sky and smiled despite the ache in his chest. "I really miss you."

"Kip, who are you talking to?"

His head swivelling, Kip found Marill watching him, concern in the little boy's eyes.

Clearing his throat, Kip wiped away the tears. "Nobody." Kip couldn't help but notice that Azurill was missing, it was strange, seeing the pair split apart. "Where's Azurill?"

"He's playing with some friends." Marill toddled over and sat beside Kip.

"Feeling a little lonely?"

Marill nodded. "I'm not used to being alone."

Smiling, Kip gently rubbed Marill's back. "It's no fun being alone, is it?"

Marill cautiously glanced up at Kip, the boy wanting to ask something, but not sure if he should.

Turning his gaze back on the sunset, Kip sighed heavily. "Exploring with Twig was the best! She always had my back, and she would pack extra snacks." Kip paused, throwing his head back and laughing heartily. "And she told the worst jokes!"

"You really miss her."

Kip nodded slowly. "Remember when Drowzee took Azurill? You were really scared, huh?"

Marill frowned. "I don't want to feel like that ever again."

"I feel like that all the time."

Kip meant to keep speaking, but couldn't get the words out. Memories came rushing back; memories of their first expedition, of Fogbound Lake and the Dark Future, memories of Temporal Tower and everything that came after it. He hadn't been sleeping well since then. Most nights he would awake in a cold sweat, with no memory of a nightmare, just a sense of loss and an echoing truth; 'You are not the Hero of this story.' He would roll over, find her bed empty, and lose her all over again.

Tears sprung back to Kip's eyes. "I feel like that all the time, so I try to remember, when we started as an exploration team, I would get nervous and struggle to sleep sometimes. I never said anything, but Twig knew and on those nights she would sing a lullaby. Long ago, before we met, I dreamed about you. The peace you'd bring. The songs we'd sing. The way you'd make things new. Then one day, you arrived. I heard your angel cry. Helpless, small, and perfect, Welcome to your life. And on that day, I made a vow. Whispered and True. No matter what, no matter how, I made this promise to you. I will cling, I will clutch, I'll hold onto you, I won't turn away. I won't leave, I won't go, I will stay with you all our days."

Marill looked at Kip, confused. "She lied?"

Kip nodded, biting his lip. "Yeah, she's a jerk."

"Who's a jerk?"

Convinced he was hearing things, Kip laughed bitterly and shook his head. "Sometimes I can still hear her singing it."

"Stop telling everyone I'm dead!"

His mouth forming a thin smile, Kip turned slowly and there, right there, was Twig.

His lips quivering, Kip barreled into Twig, knocking her flat. "You kept your promise."

Laughing through her tears, Twig squeezed Kip in a mighty hug. "I'll always find my way home."

Here's a link to the lullaby if anyone wants to listen to it.

[sakumasmut]

Okay I'm back with a different thirst (🧋)

Thirst/Short fic • ABO! Omega!Izumi Sena × Alpha!GN Reader • Desperate/needy Izumi, Izumi is kind of a pervert here, mentions of mating, marking, breeding, Izumi goes through your room, clothes and underwear.

Izumi's seriously going to regret this decision for the rest of his life. What was he thinking, going through your laundry and leaving his scent all over the apartment?! This could be a disaster, and he'd do anything to protect his reputation but when his heat came disastrously at a period when he can't take anymore suppressants, his brain turned into pure jelly of nothing.

For the sake of his work, he told the public he was a beta all so he can avoid any unnecessary attention and complications due to his secondary sex. He took suppressants for a long time and naturally didn't even go into heats that often, despite being an omega. It's also why you didn't bat an eye when he moved in with you. Being an alpha, you had to be careful with who you stay with so you naturally let Izumi in.

It was going so well... Nothing was going on, nothing went wrong. So why now of all times, did he have to suddenly cancel his meetings and shoots, all because his omega hormones decided to act up?! He had to rush home and thank goodness you're not home yet.

He really can't help it. He couldn't stay anywhere else lest the public find out, and he'd much rather not trouble his friends with his omega scent in their homes. So naturally no matter what, he's screwed cuz right at home, his room was right next to an alpha. It took everything in his power to lock himself in but considering that your room was only a few steps away, he really didn't try anyways.

So here he is now, throwing your clothes around and getting a good sniff out of anything that remotely has your scent, chanting in his head that he needs you. You're cute anyways, tolerable enough for Izumi to he fine with being your roommate. Why not let his brain wander to fantasies of you marking and claiming him? Why not? You'd make a good candidate anyways... He let out a little indulgent smile at the thought.

This feels wrong, he feels like a damn pervert sniffing out your underwear and humping your bed. But it's either that or suffer alone in his room miserably. The entire apartment smells like him now, and you're definitely in for a shock when you get home.

He whined, feeling empty and never fulfilled no matter how many clothes he steals and how much he leaves his scent. He needs you...! He would never in his life ever think about kids but now all of a sudden he'd love to have a bunch with you. Breed him please, he begs like a prayer as he thinks about you.

It's so painful, it hurts. He wants you... When you come back, will you be disgusted at him? Finding out he lied to you and now he wants you desperately. You'll walk through that door, get blasted with his scent, see him making a mess out of your bedroom... You'll instantly know. He only begs that you won't deny him. He wants nothing but you now.

Until you come home, he'll just hump your pillow... While daydreaming of being your mate.

Oops my need for subby men showed... But ya basically Izumi hides that he's an omega and now that he's in heat he wants his alpha roommate to breed him does that make sense dhdjdjdirjdb hope ur having a great day rei -🧋

oooygugjghehw all of this. tasty.

I think him being an omega is nice since he’s so individualistic, he’d hate having to rely on others for something as embarrassing as being horny. I loveee the idea of him going through your things instead of calling you upfront, izumi just won’t admit that he needs you until you catch him filling up your apartment with his scent, and even then it’ll take a while for him to accept your offer to help.

[rageagaiinstaa]

"Maybe they think a relationship with me is cursed, because I used to work for DOMA? That and the fact that I have enough emotional baggage to fill two buses, a limousine, and all of Kaiba Corporation." Annaleigh comments. The last part is a joke, but also kind of true. She's been through a lot in her life.

@sweetcobaltblue :: continued from here.

[pinkberrypocky]

pmmm rewatch live notes: ep 5

this is the ep w the convo/fight between kyoko and sayaka and wough is there a lot to unpack from that. kyoko talks abt the food chain of magical girls and witches here which makes me fucking feral bc she's so right there is a food chain but she doesn't realize that she's not at the top. she doesn't realize that the entire being of magical girls and witches is cannibalism all for the sake and benefit of kyubey. just. ugh. kyoko thinks she's figured it out and sayaka is naive and in the dark but in reality neither of them understand what's going on. anyways also i think they should kiss. or at least hold hands.

When sayaka makes her contract with kyubey the lighting is red

Kyubey is entirely backlit and a black silhouette

Kyubey pulls a ball of light out of sayaka’s chest and she collapses in pain

Foreshadowing how the soul gems contain the literal souls of the girls and the bodies are just empty shells

Hence sayaka collapsed bc her being left her body

Sayaka is laughing and in a good mood the day after making her contract 

Not thinking at all about the weight of her decisions

Madoka is concerned and voices this but sayaka is determined to stay in her idealistic naive world 

Madoka, dispute being the most naive seeming, is actually the one out of the two of them who is maturely able to grasp the severity and reality of the choice to become a magical girl

Red lighting on the hospital building as sayaka approaches to visit kyosuke when he first knows his hand is healed

Why are there so many chairs around kyosuke’s hospital bed?

Maybe he used to have a lot of people cheering him on for recovery since he was a genius but they slowly left until only sayaka remains

Kyosuke apologizes for lashing out at sayaka and we see a yellow flower petal

Lots of yellow lighting and yellow flowers on the roof scene when kyosuke plays again for the first time

Kyosuke is a backlit black silhouette when he first takes the violin in his hands again

And all the people are like this when he plays again (him, his family, sayaka)

Sayaka says that kyosuke playing again is the happiest moment of her life 

And like yeah it sure it bc making the wish that allowed that is what made your life go downhill so fast afterward and led to your death

Kyubey reveals that he doesn't know who homura is and he can’t predict her actions

Kyoko is unbothered by things in an overconfident snooty way that is distinctly different from how mami tried to protect and how sayaka tries to stay blind to the truth 

Homura says “No matter how hard you try there is no thanks” ouch yeah no matter how hard homura tries to save madoka no one ever thanks her 

In fact they all curse her and say she’s the villain 

This is the reason that sayaka is a bad magical girl, because her whole reason for being a magical girl is to get kyosuke’s wish fulfilled which she is in denial about wanting thanks for 

Sayaka is a bad magical girl bc she doesn’t understand something which is so integral to homura’s experience 

Madoka is told by homura to give up on sayaka but we know that is not at all what she does

Because madoka is unable to ever give up on her friends or the people she loves her strength lies in the lengths she will go for her loved ones

Madoka asks homura if she’s given up and homura says yes

OUCH

Homura had to give up on the life with madoka that she yearns for and is now fighting for madoka’s life with no regard for where it will leave her

Yellowish orangish lighting as madoka meets sayaka on her way to begin her first witch patrol

Madoka asks sayaka to let her come with her even though she knows she won't be of any help and might even get in the way 

As long as it’s not a bother let me stay with you

Literally me fr

 Kyubey says he doesn't mind madoka coming on patrol w sayaka bc sayaka thought it through but his real reasoning is bc he knows sayaka is likely to get in an emergency and if madoka is there when that happens he can get her to make a contract

As they go into the labyrinth sayaka has kyubey on her shoulder and his tail in the shadow of her silhouette makes it look like she has long pigtails like mami did

Kyoko is jaded from the reality of the world while sayaka is still living in her delusion of an ideal world

Kyoko equates using grief seeds to eating witches

Calls it a food chain 

Kyoko instigates sayaka by asking her incredulously if she really believes in things like justice

She knows just what to say bc she used to be sayaka

And that’s why sayaka ticks her off so much

There is yellow lighting during kyoko and sayaka’s fight that barely filters into the alleyway 

It glints off of sayaka’s sword

When kyoko and sayka’s weapons come head to head in a stalemate the energy formed is yellow

Madoka can’t understand why they are fighting since they’re both magical girls on the same side and begs kyubey to stop them

He just uses this as another excuse to push her to make a contract

Shows her genuine concern for all living beings

Cries as she is about to make the decision bc she knows how much she is sealing herself in a miserable fate

When homura interferes with the fight there are water droplets frozen in time around her that go in slo mo which foreshadows her power being time manipulation

[areyoudreaminof]

Whisper of Darkness: An Azriel Playlist

Sad boy summer is here, and it's time for Azriel's playlist!

This proved to be the most challenging playlist to make thus far. My feelings about Azriel are complicated to say the least. He frustrates me with his temper, then he has these really beautiful moments of compassion and kindness. I adore his friendships with Nesta and the IC. He’s dark but fascinating. I hope I capture that here with darker lyrics but really weird sonic cues, much like shadows. I hit the books to make sure I could refresh my sense of Azriel. The shadowsinger, hiding his own self doubt and frustrations beneath that stoic shell. Listen Here! And follow me behind the cut!

Nocturnal-Disclosure & The Weeknd

My shadow doesn't show in the dark The night time is inclined to my heart The emptiness I felt from the start Will follow me 'till I fall apart Nocturnal, My demons are blocking out the light And my mind is about to lose the fight Why can't I find peace, when a caracal could sleep tonight?

Talons-Bloc Party No bolt nor brick nor crucifix Can hold it back I have been wicked I have been arrogant And when it comes it will feel like a kiss, silent about it

And I did not think I'd catch fire When I held my hand to the flame And I didn't think it would catch up As fast as I could have run Fate came a-knocking When I was looking the other way

Unrequited Love-Lykke Li

And blue is my tune Another stitch to my wound Another inch in this dwell I know it all too well

When once again it's happening Oh our love has gone divided Oh my love is unrequited

Trip Switch-Nothing But Thieves

Sharing secrets with another world Rubbing shoulders with some unknown lovers Making waves through the universe Starting wars with anonymous brothers

What we do when the power's out? What do we do when the lights go down?

Woes vs Woahs-WILLS

You got me losing my mind Got me losing my mind Just to get you to notice me My friends say I'm losing it They can't even notice me But I know it's me I know it's me I know it's me

If this is nothing it's love I guess that's the way it's supposed to be If this is nothing it's love I guess that's the way it's supposed to be

You got me like woe is me, woe is me Or is it?

The Breach-Lazy Habits

And I'm in this, and it's been so long It's hard to know what you did right and what you did wrong Will the scales stay balanced at the end of the song? Coz it's all that I really wanted to be was strong

I walk this beat Feel each hit I've fallen in My blood streams I'll walk this beat I'll try to man the breach

Night Swimmers-Foals

We swim under the moon In the cool blue lagoon You count up all my scars Crumble them into stars You're such a perfect mess You in your dirty white dress And the day I came to

Holding on for Life-Broken Bells

Well you might belong to another time Still you have to carry on, yeah Nowhere else to go and you never know What to hide and what to show, no You're holding on for life, holding on for life You're holding on for love

Retrograde-James Blake

Suddenly I'm hit It's the starkness of the dawn And your friends are gone And your friends won't come So show me where you fit

Sleep-My Chemical Romance

Some say now suffer all the children And walk away a savior Or a madman and polluted From gutter institutions Don't you breathe for me Undeserving of your sympathy 'Cause there ain't no way that I'm sorry for what I did And through it all How could you cry for me? 'Cause I don't feel bad about it So shut your eyes Kiss me goodbye, and sleep

Ties-Years and Years

And you're a dancer, well, I'm a spy It's so beautiful to see you lie Are you having fun? Then give it up, you don't need that stress You're still hungry for another test Are you having fun? Oh, tell me, how did it feel? Did it all get too real for you? Everybody's screaming out your name Are you scared? 'Cause I don't think you're worth it

Genghis Khan-Miike Snow

I know there's no form And no labels to put on To this thing we keep And dip into when we need And I don't have the right To ask where you go at night But the waves hit my head To think someone's in your bed

Goodbye-Apparat & Soap Skin

Fold down your hands Give me a sign Put down your lies Lay down next to me Don't listen when I scream Bury your doubts and fall asleep Find out, I was just a bad dream

Possibly, Maybe-Bjork

As much as I definitely enjoy solitude I wouldn't mind perhaps Spending little time with you Sometimes, sometimes Possibly maybe

Keep the Streets Empty for Me-Fever Ray

Memory comes when memory's old I am never the first to know Following the stream up North Where do people like us float?

I will never disappear For forever, I'll be here Whispering Morning, keep the streets empty for me

taglist: @ofduskanddreams, @highqueenmorrigan, @foreverinelysian, @octobers-veryown, @melting-houses-of-gold, @velidewrites, @reverie-tales, @thesistersarcheron@ultadverb, @c-e-d-dreamer, @andrigyn, @foundress0fnothing, @vulpes-fennec ,@asnowfern, @mossytrashcan , @thelovelymadone, @the-lonelybarricade, @shadowriel, @separatist-apologist , @fieldofdaisiies, @stickyelectrons, @vanserrass, @panicatthenightcourt, @krem-does-stuff, @iftheshoef1tz, @damedechance, @headcanonheadcase, @cursebrkr, @andrigyn, @mossytrashcan, @thelovelymadone, @wilde-knight, @moonpatroclus, @stickyelectrons, @kataravimes-of-the-shire, @mossytrashcan, @sunshinebingo, @filthyglamdoll, @ablogofbipanic, @corcracrow,

[rageagaiinstaa]

Dark eyebrows furrow together at his response. She didn't like the answer she got, but she wasn't about to question him about it. It's none of her business what he does in his spare time. Hazel green eyes take in his stark white attire. He showed up here, dressed in that? His pristine outfit is going to get covered in dirt, dust, and who knows what else if he ventures inside the dank, ruined, building standing before them. But, it's not my problem, she thinks.

Annaleigh scoffed at his offer. "So, because I'm a girl, I can't take care of myself?" she questions. One hand balls into a fist. "I'm not weak either. If I wanted to, I could beat your ass in a fight." She huffs angerly. The brunette turns her head away from him, fuming. How dare he assume she needed protection, like some kind of damsel in distress. Like him, she's taken lessons in self defense. Being an orphaned kid, meant she had to learn these things to survive. Without them, life in foster care would've been a lot more brutal.

She let's out a deep sigh, arms crossing over her chest. "If you want to come along, I'm not going to stop you." Hazel greens stare back at the musky, old building. Her mind itching to find out what's inside.

"Right. Annaleigh." He spoke the name lightly, committing it to his memory. He carefully ran slender and pale fingers over his white uniform in order to smooth it out casually. "As for why I am here, that hardly matters at the moment." Seto speaks in a feigned friendliness, a feigned gentleness to cover up any real reason he may be at such a place, especially tonight of all nights.

"Do you perhaps want someone to go with you? I can protect you should the need arise." He tells her calmly, looking at her. Despite the friendly tone and demeanor, it didn't quite reach his eyes, which seemed to remain emotionless and cold as they peered at her.

"I know I look rather weak but I promise you I am capable. I was trained in particular ways to assure it."

[bonesandthebees]

The market is also where the separation anxiety really kicks in. Mainly because Wilbur is so overwhelmed, but also because of the choice Tommy pressured him into. It’s another example of Tommy pushing past someone’s boundaries because he knows best. Or in this case, to prove he knows best. We really get to see Tommy from his ugliest side in this chapter. We do get a little bit of sofr sides too.

Tommy does seem to snap out of his bubble and realise this might have been a bad idea once he notices how stressed and overwhelmed Wilbur is, but by then it’s way too late. They are already in the bell of the beast and there’s no going back. Wilbur has to make his decision.

And then on top of that, they get Schlatt’s interview. A nice reminder of what Wilbur would go back to and how unappealing it is. And then Wilbur has to make his choice. And there is progress. He accepts that he wants to stay and does what he wants. There are no excuses and no lies to hide behind.

But Wilbur doesn’t make some grand believe changing decision either. He’s not abandoning Clara. He’s still telling himself that he’ll leave if she asks (though I’m not so sure he will, I think he’s more hoping she never will or planning to deal with it when it happens). Either way. His decision has a lot less to do with Clara than Tommy wants it to. And it would be a very different decision if Schlatt did listen to Wilbur. But he doesn’t and Wilbur likes having friends. That’s the deciding factor. Having Tommy. Being human even when he can’t admit it. Even if he’s still Clara’s.

And this is the interesting part. Both of them lost. Tommy was right and Wilbur didn’t leave. But he gained nothing. Wilbur didn’t turn his back on Clara. [“So you’d still leave me if she told you to?”] All Tommy really wants is to be Wilbur’s number-one choice. He wants to be more important to Wilbur than Clara is. It’s that selfish, possessive bubble again. And now we get the most painful part of the chapter (and really I didn’t think it could hurt more than it already did).

Wilbur accepted that being the Pythia hurt him a long time ago. It was the only way to survive. The only way to cope. Don’t be a person. Don’t have self-worth. Have faith in your goddess. Be the perfect empty vessel. Wilbur has been at this for at least a decade. Probably around half of his life and for a lot of his formative years. He knows nothing else by now. [“It doesn’t matter what I deserve. This is just what I am.”] In his mind, Wilbur is still someone Tommy made up. Someone he can pretend to be for a little when it’s needed, but it’s not him. He kill that kid to survive a long time ago. And we might know that that kid is still in there, but Wilbur is still heavily in denial.

(9/10)

-🌲

tommy was so fun to write in this chapter he was definitely showing his ugly sides. really pushing wilbur past his limits to force him to make a choice. again, it was overwhelming and definitely stressed him out, but it worked out in the end.

but yeah the minute he noticed how overwhelmed wilbur was by being outside in a crowd for the first time in so long, he had a moment of "oh I fucked up". but he committed to doing this, and tommy is definitely stubborn, so he pushed through with his plan and just tried to calm wilbur down as best he could.

I threw in the interview both to remind wilbur of what he'd be going back to as that would have influence on his choice, but also I just really wanted wilbur (and in turn the readers) to see how the world outside of the death temple had progressed in the wake of the deathling attack. the ramifications (or lack thereof) of the pythia being kidnapped.

and there aren't any. for all intents and purposes, things are just moving on business as usual. the pythia isn't as important as he was always told he was.

that combined with everything else is what pushed wilbur to make the choice he did. also, yeah, he's really banking on the hope that clara won't ever force him to leave, but he knows that's a childish thing to hope for.

still, he can't disregard clara entirely. and it's exactly like you said. tommy wants wilbur to choose him. but he can't, and it hurts both of them to face that.

deep down, wilbur knows that he's a person. but he can't face that, because if he does that means turning his back on everything he's been told since he was 12 years old. he's still not there. it's okay if he's hurt by this, because it's his purpose. because wilbur the person never mattered—he never had a say in becoming the pythia, so why should what he wants matter now? it's out of his control anyway.

I loved writing that conversation it hurt so much

[aw3rs]

I can see right through All your empty lies I won't stay long In this world so wrong