#° ⸻ 「05」 ⊣⊢ self.

[vergeltvng]

THE BOYS 4x02 | Life Among the Septics

[kyouka-supremacy]

In a surprising turn of events, whereas Akutagawa's ultimate act of love would be “I'd die for you”, Atsushi's ultimate act of love would be “I'd die if it's by your hand”

[buggreawlthys]

me @ my brain: let's make something nice for kawoshin day! here are some romantic, meaningful sketches we could develop~

my brain: shinji got kaworu up the duff

me:

[entans]

sweet venom for studio choom

[tomboymikayla]

The worst fucking time to be a Sonic Fan:

[groggygrimalkin]

Self insert mood again AUGH!!!!

Fin and Clowny are in horseshoes they have the natural rivalry of a shark and a seal and they bite the shit out of eachother for fun and Clowny is clumsy and unaware of his surroundings so often he doesn't notice when Fin sneaks up to bite his tail or scare him. Sometimes they'll start fighting, Clowny will get tired and instead of wrestling he'll start trying to use Fin as a pillow to sleep but Fin has way too much energy from wrastling to sit still so it's just Fin teasing him and nipping at his face until Clowny gets bothered enough to start fighting again.

[sunriseovergotham]

one of those fucking uh. angel/demon aus where benrey is a demon and tommy is an angel and theyre just casually friends :) hanging out and shit. tommy listens to benrey infodump about video games. they dont talk much about their respective jobs (but when they are talked about, tommy is usually the one talking). tommy is technically gordons guardian angel but gordon has special fun hell-adjacent problems so he also got bubby and coomer to "protect" him (he herds them out of trouble on a daily basis. oh the high jinks.) tommy is the one gordon trusts most and with his life. benreys just a chill guy . doesnt know why gordons so freaked out all the time. benrey tags along on their adventures but mostly takes a backseat when it comes to actually helping, which drives gordon insane to no end. WHY even come along if you arent going to HELP????? AM I IN HELL????? DID I FUCKING DIE?????? and benreys like. well i dunno why ur so mad. maybe calm down a little? weirdo. yellin' at me 'n shit. didnt even bring your passport ([doctor coomer voice] its true! gordon did NOT bring his passport!)

[118diazsarchive]

... HE WANTED TO BE GOOD, HE WANTED TO BE KIND, HE WANTED TO BE BRAVE AND WISE, BUT ALL THAT WAS PRETTY DIFFICULT. HE WANTED TO BE LOVED TOO, IF HE COULD FIT IT IN.

CANON DIVERGENT / MOSTLY HEADCANON BASED E.DDIE D.IAZ. WRITTEN BY JORDS, SHE/HER.

[stromuprisahat]

After the Darkling's attack on Spinning Wheel:

Nikolai: *regrouping and organizing*

Alina's friends: *trying to save Adrik from bleeding out*

Alina: "MAAAL?! MAAAAAL!!!"

[vergeltvng]

THE BOYS 4x05 | Beware the Jabberwock, My Son

[steakout-05]

quick post clarifying what i'm gonna do with my Crarry art and my Craig design moving forward

i just wanna make this post as short and sweet as i can as i've been struggling to find a way to write this in a coherent fashion (i'm VERY tired today, lol), especially with everything that's been going down in the fandom lately. people are not happy right now. this is a post meant to explain what i'm going to be doing with my Crarry stuff from now on, as well as how i'm gonna be using my fan design for Craig.

on the topic of my Craig x Barry art: i've been a little bit conflicted on what to do with it for a little bit, but i've mostly decided towards keeping it up on my blog for archival purposes. i don't like having to remove my art, especially when 1. it was made with the context that the (at the time) canon truth was that Barry and Craig were nothing but unrelated friends, and 2. it's still good art and it brought me a lot of joy when i first created it. i've regretted deleting art in the past and i think that i'd definitely regret deleting it now, especially if there was a threat of it becoming lost media and i didn't have the files to back it up. i care too much about my art to do that. so, it's all staying up on my blog, with the added disclaimer that it was made before August 17th 2024 and that it was obviously not supposed to portray weird incest stuff. can't do much about putting a disclaimer on it if it's already been reblogged though, so it's only gonna appear on the original post :/

on the topic of Craig himself: this is the bit i'm most excited about, but it's also the hardest bit to explain in a way that makes sense, so i'll try not to get ahead of myself here.

so, to start off with: in this post, i made some doodles showing an improved fan design i had made for Craig that portrays him as a blond nerdy guy with glasses and an injured eye. this is obviously not how Craig ended up looking like in canon and wasn't what i expected him to look like, it was something i made for myself and my own art. even so, he was practically just a skin applied to a pre-existing character whose personality had already been established. but now that the Craig i intended that design to be attached to has been revealed to be something we thought he wasn't (barry's entire freaking dad), i'm gonna do something a little different with my Craig to differentiate him from canon. i'm gonna take everything i liked about him before the reveal, retool him and his personality to better match the ideas and headcanons i had brewing in my head for him, and create a whole new canon for him to reside in. i've basically made him into a slightly divergent alternate version of canon Craig, basically. and it is incredibly self-indulgent, lol. (isn't that what being a creative is all about though..... self indulgence and insane storycrafting)

this bit might be slightly controversial, but what i'm planning with this version of Craig is that i'm gonna continue shipping Barry with him instead of Canon Craig like before. i really like the dynamic that Barry and Craig had in canon before the Dad Reveal Jumpscare Incident, with them sort of being polar opposites who would have some silly banter with each other, but also having a few similarities and shared interests that would bring them together, so that dynamic is gonna be brought over to this canon i've created for myself. it's basically gonna be a smorgasbord of everything i like about these characters with some expansions and slight changes to better fit with what i think would have been cool to see actually happen in canon. i'm likely gonna make a post about how i want to characterise my Craig later, but just know that 1. CranBarry is a thing in my little universe and 2. my Craig =/= Canon Craig and there will be a disclaimer explaining that on each fanwork i make depicting the ship from now on. i should probably give my Craig a last name so i don't have to keep calling him "my Craig" for disambiguation......

this hasn't been done out of spite or disrespect towards HB or anything at all. i'm disappointed with the change they made, and i do think it was very poorly executed, but at the end of the day, what happens in canon is not my story to write no matter how much i want to see in the series, and all i can do is sigh, shrug, pick up a pencil and start enacting the change i want to see for myself. i'm someone who believes that, while art can absolutely be criticised, it's up to the artist to decide what they want to do, and they don't have to cater to feedback if they don't want to. granted, it is a little different in Halfbrick's case because Jetpack Joyride is their product, and they are a sizable company who also makes money and business decisions and has a big audience and whatnot, but you get it right? it sucks, but like.... there's not really much you can do about it apart from write something you'd want to see.

so yeah, that's pretty much everything. i'm hoping this will go over well with everything that's happened because i really do love the gay little relationship i've given these two, i just can't continue doing it with the canon version of Craig for obvious reasons. the only problem i really see this causing is the very slight irritation that will come with possibly having to clarify this every time i post a Crarry thing. it'll probably be no biggie though, i'll just link to this post explaining everything. i sure do love coming up with incredibly convoluted solutions to simple problems looolll, it's my special talent at this point XD ahh well. if there's a bright side, it means i get to be even more self-indulgent and creative with these doofuses, and there might be some new headcanon and fanfic stuff coming later, as well as new Craig art. sucks that canon decided to fold in on itself, but i'm gonna try to ignore it for the most part.

[nicoscheer]

The reel 😂

Nearly cried at the little turtle silhouette, not Miles going ‘a couple of weeks off from gigs now to chill’ sweetheart the 7th is barely two weeks away😂

[comfortableinthesilence]

Lazy day update… suns still out but thankfully I've got some of my decking in the shade so after an afternoon of binge-playing Fallout 4 (I'm addicted), I've come out for some fresh air! Chair in the shade Pip chilling on the table with my iPad and Deftones on the airpods! Chilled Saturday indeed, all I'm missing is some BBQ food but having one with family tomorrow so something to look forward to 🍔🌭😍🤤

(PS… have some pics… shock I know two selfies in one day, its a long time since I've liked selfies of myself enough to post them😅🙈)

[honestlyvan]

(Reposted from DW)

So I try not to make these rambles too powered by salt but considering Impactor is very near my favourite character in the franchise and as a result I read a lot of badfic featuring him out of sheer desperation for something, I'm seriously devastated by the way I've never seen it explored just what a harrowing and accurate description of moral injury and reflexive self-loathing he is.

Like, it's wild to me that we have it in the text, actually on page, that Impactor outright thinks he's a monster. We see it on page! It is written with plain words! He's stuck thinking like "can't survive if the other guy doesn't die", "your life is bought with the blood you spill, and you want to keep living so you best learn to like killing" to the point where he doesn't even want to live anymore and yet he can't stop, he's stuck, there's no safety for him to retreat back to because nobody taught him to value himself in any other way except in balance against someone else.

Like we know. Exactly what Impactor considers horrible, what he considers ugly and unseemly and corrupt. And it's all stuff that makes sense. It's all stuff the most of us probably find a little bit horrifying. We know that his perception of the world is so utterly bleak that there is no way but down, the only trajectory he sees for himself is to slip further and further from that surface because this is just his life now, this is what he is now, this may be what he always was, so isolated in his self-loathing that he can barely see the surface of where the horrible things end, and sure as hell doesn't think he can reach it. He's been cut off from his access to the sublime, to the fortifying, to the beautiful and wonderful and safe, this is all he has left, this is just what he is now.

I think the massive overriding misreading is assuming Impactor has any regard for himself. He may have the ability to act confident and move through the world with intellectual assurance over his own skill, and it's easy to take that as a sign that he has some kind of a core, undivided wholeness of personhood that lets him keep acting like he knows what he's doing. But I don't think that's it at all. His sense of self has been so completely fractured and damaged by the horrors he's committed and been isolated with that they've attached themselves to the space where his sense of self would otherwise be. Again, I'm not even extrapolating -- this just is the text of "Escape".

And then there's the negative influence of Guzzle, another person who thinks the way to deal with your trauma is by committing massive violence on it who has no idea this should maybe be something to discuss with people -- like, we see the way his abandon and reveling in having power and returning the violence drags Impactor down, too, because it's familiar, it makes sense, and then Impactor locks him in a box and goes "I can't fucking do this anymore". It's literally the most unsubtle death wish, it's a textbook flight arrest response, he doesn't want to keep doing the thing he's doing but he doesn't know what else there is, he sees no way out other than down.

And IDK I don't want to cast blame, honestly as a recovering abusive asshole myself, the terrible things he does to other people out of a sense of "this is how it has to be, don't be naive, don't be stupid", the loop of self-justification and grasping for value in his identity as an anonymous source of violence and ruiner of lives is a big part of why I love him so much, and his victims are really visible in the text, their mess deserves exploration and their pain deserves narrative validation, if only for completeness' sake

but like goddamn I just feel for this trash mech so much. He was left locked up with only his own bad thoughts for company, forced in a situation where becoming a worse person was the only way to escape further pain to the point where he's just completely cut off from his access to the sublime, to the fortifying, to the beautiful and wonderful and safe. Like where is there to go when the only things you know what to do are all fucked up? What do you do when all you've been "taught" is that living means killing, but you're getting extremely sick of the killing, when you're tired of your whole life being stained in blood and gore and the traces of the grotesquerie that is living with the knowledge that having power over other people is the ultimate act of survival when you never wanted that?

[ollieinoue]

IC TASK 005: THE HART OF THE MATTER

One moment Ollie had said he thought this was a stupid idea that he wasn't going to participate in, that there was no way this was for anyone's benefit other than making money off Ogden student's pain and trauma. But of course the Dean would sign off on this. The next moment he was sitting in a chair across from Jesse's dad, blinking rapidly at him like he must have just shown up out of no where. It wasn't the first time Ollie had ended up somewhere and had no idea how he got there, nor would it be the last, but fuck if this wasn't a terrible time to have that happen. He felt a bubble of panic rise in his chest until it felt like it was threatening to close his throat.

"I don't think I should be here..."

Who signed off on this?

Ollie was halfway standing up when a glass of water had been shoved into his hands by some underpaid assistant, or intern who did not have the time to deal with what they imagined was probably stage fright, and not a panic attack from someone who was completely blitzed out of their mind. Then there was a firm hand on his wrist, that Ollie's eyes followed, hand arm, shoulder, oh that was connected to Jesse's dad. Suddenly he was glued to the chair underneath the man's gaze. Oof. Ollie had been around the block a few times in his life, he'd dealt with a lot of really bad people. He knew an evil person when he saw one - and he wasn't just biased from everything he'd inferred from the very brief conversation he'd had with Jesse about his dad, either. This man was an asshole. He didn't even have to open his mouth, and Ollie already did not like him.

"Don't be nervous."

He was in the midst of denial, nearly shaking his head, and the tongue on the roof of his mouth. No, he wasn't nervous. That was not the problem. Before he could however Jesse's dad was already turning towards some person behind the cameras.

"Let's start."

Fuck...

“It’s a tough year to be a student at Ogden College with the tragic passing of Penelope Klein. And of course, we can’t forget the ongoing missing persons case surrounding beloved student, Greer Morrison. I know that Dean Zuko insisted on free on-campus counseling set up for all students. Have you made use of it?”

Ollie stared. Eyes wide, and mouth slightly open, letting the silence hang between them for a number of seconds that could have turned into minutes, that could have turned into hours, that could have turned into days for all he knew. It felt like that long. Long enough he wasn't even sure of what the question had been anymore. Long enough he wasn't sure where he was again, until he took another few moments to look around and get his barrings. Oh, right. Fuck.

"Mr. Inoue...?"

His head snapped back towards Jesse's dad. Fuck. Okay. Time to force his brain to work. "Is that not what this is?" Ollie asked, smiling as sweetly as he possibly could. And he spoke with so much heart felt sincerity that he had to almost pause and ask himself if he might be a little bit psychotic. "I've been waiting for you to come save us all, Jesse's Dad."

He swore he saw something glint in the man's eye, but not enough to stop him, unfortunately. Very unfortunately.

“There was that nasty storm that knocked out the power at the resort, I remember. That got a little dicey, huh? Parents and staff all congregated in the faculty chalet, but you kids were on the other side of the resort ..."

Ollie gave a silent tilt of his head, furrowing his eyebrows. That wasn't true was it? Was he completely misremembering what Link had told him when they'd gotten back to the dorms? He was extremely high at the present moment, so he really didn't feel confident enough to ask any questions. All he could really do was sport a confused look on his face as Jesse's dad continued speaking.

"... We’ve been told that Penelope organized some things for people to complete to make it through that night together. Were you one of them? What did you get up to during the blackout?”

"I cut my hair," he said, a bright smile chasing away the questioning look he'd given Jesse's dad. He bounced a little excited in his seat, as he brought his hand up to fiddle with his fringe. "I gave myself bangs. During the blackout. Which is pretty daring. But I like to live on the edge. -- but you mean when ... Right." Ollie visibly wilted, chewing on his bottom lip. "Uh, Penny told me to go with Milo Navarro to check how full the supplies in the kitchen pantry were. Just in case we got snowed in, I guess. What about you guys over in your chalet? Did you go anywhere? N-no? Okay..." They were moving on, he guessed he wasn't getting the answers to his own questions. 

“In the wake of tragedy, it can be hard to recall things in detail. The brain has its own ways of protecting itself in high-stress situations, and I know that the police have been a near-constant presence on campus this year. This is not that; I want you to feel safe and comfortable enough to share whatever you want about that night. Did you see anything? Hear anything?”

There is something in the words that Jesse's dad said, that made Ollie want to pull his knees up to his chest and curl into the fetal position. Something bubbling in his stomach that made the panic rise in him again, threatening to burst out. This had to be among the top ten times he'd felt the most unsafe in his life. "No, I didn't see, or hear anything. Me and Milo got locked in the pantry and weren't let out until after-" his throat closed briefly and Ollie felt like he was choking on his words. He left them there. Until After...

“Obviously, we all want to get to the bottom of this and work through whatever lingering effects it might have left behind. If you were paired off with anyone that night, can you remember what they were doing? Would it have been possible that they might have been behind anything you saw?"

He gave a sound halfway between a scoff and a snort. "No," Ollie stated, confident in that at the very least. "Like I said we were locked in a tiny little pantry together. Milo was within touching distance of me the entire time."

“Now, if you’ll direct your attention to this screen here, I have something that— barring appropriate authorities— no one has seen until now.” A picture of Greer suddenly appears on screen, all eyes trained on this new piece of information. All eyes but Donovan’s which are locked onto the face of the person he’s interviewing, watching for any and every reaction. “This photo is shocking, I know. It was found in the faculty chalet the night of the blackout. Do you know anything about the day it was taken or who might have taken it?”

Ollie stared up at the photograph struck to a very long silence again. His eyes wide, and mouth open once more. He felt the bubbling in his stomach again, like he was going to be sick. Part of him wished he would be, just lean forward and vomit all over stupid Jesse's dad's lap. But instead he swallowed the burning in his throat, eyes darting back to the man sitting in front of him. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" He snapped. "Why the fuck do you think it would be a good idea to show that picture to anybody? Are you showing it to the people who have known her since they were children? Her fucking siblings? Oh, I guess it's more important to re-traumatize a bunch of people for the views. Do you have a pic of Penny's dead body too? Fuck off." 

“Do you have any idea why this photo might have been left with faculty that night? Or, most pressing, what reason someone could have for vandalizing it in such a horrible way?”

"I don't know, Jesse's Dad, aren't you the psychology professional? Why don't you tell me?"

"Finally, it's been discovered that Penelope, shortly before her untimely death, had mentioned to someone that she knew why Greer had left. Do you think that has anything to do with this photo? Do you know why she might have left? Even though being honest about it may seem scary, I promise you, it's the right thing to do. It's the only way we can protect you."

Ollie let out an angry noise in the back of his throat, "protect me from what? From Dean Zuko who is more than happy to take a fucking kickback to exploit his students if that means he gets more money from you? Nah," he said, laughing as he reached up pulling at the microphone that had been clipped onto his shirt. "Fuck that. You want to know why Greer left? Probably to get away from this bullshit school." He continued to struggle with the mic, swatting away an assistant who came over to maybe help, or maybe stop him. Eventually he managed to toss it down onto the ground. "Don't worry about 'protecting me' I hope I'm fucking next. If it means I don't have to deal with assholes like you, and the Dean anymore."

[groggygrimalkin]

It comes a day in every pinniped(troll)'s life when they get the GPS tracker...