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[1dcommunityficrecs]

Girl Direction!

List number two is here! And y'all really showed up, we have 35 amazing fics ranging from barely 1,000 word quick stories to 100,000 word epics all celebrating GIRLS. We've also got a few rarepairs included, which I'm excited to check out!

Please enjoy, share, kudos, comment -- and get ready for the next theme!

Man Made Beauty by jaerie (4788, Explicit, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson) Warnings: M/F

Famous Louis meets non- famous tgirl Harry (again)

Reccer says:

that good girl faith (and a tight little skirt) by ariadne_odair (43734, Explicit, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson)

Harry and Louis are camp counsellors. They hate each other. The amount of sex they have in the camp showers probably contradicts that.

Reccer says: This story is everything you want from Girl Direction, including impeccable Summer vibes, hot lesbian sex and cute side Ziam.

Bluer than velvet were her eyes (softer than satin were her thighs) by thebreadvan (12333, Explicit, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson) - fic post

Tailor!Harry should probably stop obsessing over her customer’s boobs, but fate can’t keep her away from plus-size model!Louis

Reccer says: Boobs Are Awesome (TM) or, I am love with this fic and the way Harry is just so lesbian over Louis. Harry is a gay mess and Louis is irresistible. I love how the tension was written and explained, also Harry and Louis' dynamic.

You got me in the back of your car like a star (is it wrong?) by thebreadvan (2165, Explicit, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson) - fic post

Harry and Louis go on a road trip, their car breaks down and it's too hot to keep their clothes on.

Reccer says: 80s vibes

She keeps her lips red (to seem like cherries in the spring) by thebreadvan (35299, Mature, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson) - fic post

The Office AU, where Harry is engaged and Louis is pining.

Reccer says: Cute baby gay Harry? Love. Pining Louis? LOVE.

She spreads her lovin' all over (and when she gets home, there's none left for me) by thebreadvan (5361, Mature, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson) - fic post Warnings: Watersports

For Harry and Louis, moving in together wasn't easy. (Part II of The Office series)

Reccer says: Domestic Larry getting into a fight that ultimately ends in hot (messy) sex

The Changer and the Changed by Homosociallyyours (59496, Mature, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson) - fic post

1970s coming out / self-discovery featuring poet Louis, new girl Harry, folksinger Zayn and her girlfriend Liam, and women’s bookstore owner Niall. Harry is a closeted lesbian who moves to New York after graduation. She meets Louis, a proud lesbian who works in a popular women’s bookstore. They click instantly.

Reccer says: I’ve never read a more beautiful girl direction story. Completely atmospheric and SUCH wonderful, layered characters - including all of OT5! The setting is so thoughtful and their relationship is so mature. This fic feels both like a historical nonfiction and something absolutely timeless. The author really digs into the queer struggle of the 1970s, and in doing so highlights how much things haven't really changed.

Pink Like the Paradise Found by Disgruntledkittenface (18477, Mature, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson) - fic post

Midwest US girl direction coming out! Harry goes to her first gay bar and meets bartender Louis. It's the first time she really feels like she's a bonafide lesbian.

Reccer says: I love the honest communication, the awkward flirting, and excellent smut! A very relatable story for me.

Tell Me This Is Paradise by QuickedWeen (19855, Explicit, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson) - fic post Warnings: Exhibitionism in later chapters

Harry has never had an orgasm. Niall decides that this needs to be rectified, and her method of choice is Louis. Turns out, Louis is very very good at giving Harry orgasms.

Reccer says: Incredibly hot, incredibly honest, incredibly sweet, and HOO BOY I might be a slut for exhibitionism. I also love the way we get to follow their relationship through the chapters.

I Said It Wrong, But I Meant It Right by lululawrence (4381, Not Rated, Nick Grimshaw/Liam Payne) - fic post

From AO3/author: "Nick was a bit of a disaster, but she was used to it. Or so she thought. She had never known how much she could struggle just to function until the new fire lady goddess angel person winked at her."

Reccer says: Unique rarepair fic with a fun and interesting dynamic that adds depth to not only Girl Direction as a trope, but also to 1D fics in general!

Little pink skirt by ialwaysknewyouwerepunk (2468, Not Rated, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson) Warnings: Recreational drugs

The girls are at a festival. When Louis tries to light a spliff, the wind makes it impossible to do so, for which Harry has an idea.

Reccer says: The author! Kidding (am i?) but it was so hot. I was caught in by the art and then well… it became a classic for me!

Blush by orphan_account (15128, Mature, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson)

"I've never wanted to kiss a girl but like, every time I look at your lips I just wanna... fucking kiss you all night long." Harry's eyes open wide as Louis' drop to Harry's mouth; her lips are swollen from biting them all night, red and wet and plump. "Then why don't you?" Harry whispers. (or, the Christmas FxF Larry fic in which Louis is 99.5% sure she's straight and Harry likes to walk around shirtless and watch lesbian films)

Reccer says: very friends to lovers Christmas pic that is as fluffy as you want a Christmas fit to be, the smut is vanilla so great if you just want to relax with some pining and confused Lesbians

thank goodness love can float by cryptidstar (orphan_account) (2486, Teen, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson)

prompt: au where they're both sorted in Slytherin and Louis gets tired of Harry flirting with the merpeople through the glass windows of their common room and not enough with Louis. (fem!larry)

Reccer says: very cute and pure sapphic love story, I am always up for a good Harry Potter/Hogwarts AU fit

Bleeding Love by momentofclarity (27191, Explicit, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson)

Louis is an animal rights activist who throws red paint at fur coat wearing it-girl Harry Styles. Then there's a crack in the surface and something new starts bleeding through.

Reccer says: I'm always here for enemies to lovers, especially if it's written as excellent as it is in this fic.

Bittersweet, Irrepressible by fairytalefemme (5120, General, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson)

“Dear Sappho,” Harry pleaded, her voice unsure and her eyes squeezed tightly shut, “or Hayley Kiyoko, or anyone really. Aphrodite? You’re the goddess of love or summat, right? Um, or God, I guess, if you’re there and you happen to be a lesbian. There must be a lesbian god somewhere, right? Or at least someone who’s sympathetic to the needs of a young lesbian. Because I need some help. I need Louis Tomlinson to like me back." In which Harry's been in love with Louis all semester but can't tell the difference between platonic and romantic interactions, leading to pining and confusion and at least one date.

Reccer says: this fic is so lesbian I can't lesbian anymore

bambi legs by disgruntledkittenface (11552, Not Rated, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson) - fic post

Harry works at her family’s fabric store sometimes and always sells the most interesting fabrics to Louis. Louis is the wannabe fashion designer who keeps buying fabric she doesn’t necessarily need just to find a way to talk to Harry.

Reccer says: it’s so hard to narrow it down because aghhhh i love everything about this fic!!! BEST characterization (including ace Harry) and perfect Zarry friendship. Squee-worthy crushing! Sweet open Harry and lovely lovely Louis! i adore the ace representation and how the characters handled it, the banter, the pet names!!! and the oblivious friends to lovers trope is *chef’s kiss*

If You See My Reflection in the Snow-Covered Hills by friendofhayley (16948, Explicit, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson) - fic post Warnings: Alcoholism

The story of One Direction if they were all queer women!

Reccer says: I like how much research was put into it and also how feminist and queer it is?

It’s Probably Because I’ve Got a Big Lesbian Crush on You by yeah_alright (6600, Teen, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson) - fic post Warnings: Brief reference to past homophobia/bullying

OMG MEAN GIRLS AU

Reccer says: It's so funny and such a good twist on the movie - it's not exactly like it but the characters and the VIBES are perfect!

To Sleep, Perchance to Ream by yeah_alright (3988, Explicit, Louis Tomlinson/Harry Styles) - fic post Warnings: Somnophilia (consensual)

Harry and Louis have a signal for when Harry wants Louis to fuck her after she's fallen asleep

Reccer says: Kinky and so hot so hot omg so so hot!!! It’s so hot and cute at the same time. I remember I was like ‘omg i want what these two have’

Among Lavender Fields by homosociallyyours (70000, Explicit, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson) - fic post Warnings: Internalized homophobia

Harry and Louis are cast in a movie by a French director and the director has them live together while they film in a beautiful, remote location

Reccer says: AN ABSOLUTE DREAM! Just beautiful, soft women falling in love! Honestly like living in a soft, soothing fantasy - absolutely flawless!

It's Been So Long by littleroverlouis (10608, Explicit, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson) - fic post

Harry and Louis are ex-wives who still have fun sexy times.

Reccer says: OLDER SUPER HOT LADIESSSSSSSS so funny and hot

Vesper by Yesisaworld/louandhazaf (2000, Explicit, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson) - fic post

Louis orders herself a vibrator but ships it to Harry's house because she doesn't want her to mom to get the delivery and ask questions. Friends to lovers. Bisexual Louis thanks to Harry LOL

Reccer says: It's so much packed in! Sweet and hot and funny - such a sucker for good friends realizing they should probably go ahead and do it!

Close Our Eyes (Pretend We're Miles Away) by haztobegood (5000, Explicit, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson) - fic post Warnings: Major Character Death

Harry and Louis' girls weekend away turned bad and now they're on the run from the law. Thelma and Louise AU

Reccer says: Incredible balance of soft and tense. Made me so so emotional!

Sea Asunder by cupcakentea (68000, Mature, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson) - fic post

Harry's mom hires painter Louis to capture Harry well enough that she can find a husband. Portrait of a Lady on Fire AU.

Reccer says: Absolutely gorgeous writing! It somehow captures the quietness of the movie but allows the characters to shine through even more.

Must be the Season of the Witch by 4ureyesonly28/evilovesyou (14500, Teen, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson) - fic post

Harry get a new coat at a thrift store and it brings her both Louis and magic.

Reccer says: witchy goodness! found family! Really beautiful and moving

Harriet and Louise by Blaaake (29000, Explicit, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson) - fic post

Lesbian Jane Austen novel, basically

Reccer says: Lesbian. Jane Austen. Novel.

tempted by the fruit of another by disgruntledkittenface (3000, Explicit, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson/Zayn Malik) - fic post

Zayn walks in on Harry and Louis hooking up and can't look away.

Reccer says: Zourry my beloved!!! So tender and hot - like SO HOT! Such perfect using of switching POV

in my head we can love forever by beardyboyzx (1272, Explicit, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson) - fic post Warnings: Pain kink

Harry's got to stop touching herself while thinking about her roommate. Except that she can't. Or: Harry might be a bit in love with her roommate.

Reccer says: The author does an amazing job at fitting so much emotion into so few words

I know I've got this (because I've had it all along) by we_are_the_same (16351, Teen, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson) - fic post Warnings: Body image, self-esteem issues

Louis struggles with her body image, and she's initially hesitant when her friend Liam books her a boudoir shoot. Despite her nerves, the photographer Harry teaches her to see herself in a whole new way.

Reccer says: I love the way the author describes Louis' emotion: you can feel all her insecurities as if they were your own

That Smile and That Midnight Laugh by yeah_alright/uhoh-but-yeah-alright (50000, Teen, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson) - fic post

80s AU - Harry and her high school boyfriend's sister become friends…and then eventually more. Popular, sweet Harry and seemingly tough/loner Louis.

Reccer says: I'm such a sucker for girls slowly realizing they're into girls specifically by realizing they *like* like each other. Sweet and funny and soft with just a tiny bit of angst. It's four parts - one for each season - it's just so lovely!

still, somehow by disgruntledkittenface (1124, Not Rated, Liam Payne/Louis Tomlinson) - fic post Warnings: Depression

Louis trims Liam's split ends.

Reccer says: This fic has such tender and care. It holds such a special place in my heart.

You Make Lovin' Fun by homosociallyyours (109915, Explicit, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson)

Silver fox Louis and 28 year old travel writer Harry meet on a gay cruise.

Reccer says: An all time favorite with such amazing character development for Harry! And incredible side characters keeping everything fun!

tis the damn season by YesIsAWorld (17901, Explicit, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson) - fic post

Harry returns to her small hometown over the holiday season and starts to think about the road not taken.

Reccer says: Loved the chemistry between all the characters and especially the love story between Harry and Louis

Daydream by allwaswell16 (2024, Teen, Zayn Malik/Louis Tomlinson) - fic post

Every Thursday, Louis nods hello to her fellow regulars at Horan’s Cafe, one of whom is the woman of her dreams.

Reccer says: So funny and charming!

Study Dates and Coffee Taste by AlwaysHazandLou (2000, General, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson)

Prompt: college au - Harry and Louis have the same class and they have a crush on each other but they're disaster gays and one of them is great at the class and the other one sucks so they have to tutor them.

Reccer says:

[gojooooo]

strength means fuck all against sukuna because he’s the strongest smartest most beautiful prince to ever walk this earth so maybe something else is needed to break this never ending cycle of special grade after special grade losing against him and yuuji is the one who possesses that something. be it the power of love or simply a shared soul in the past with no deeper meaning but there lays the potential to make sukuna reconsider his purpose. gojo can share his euphoria and make him feel less alone but he can’t exactly offer him something new. it’s kind of really fucking beautiful to me that the strongest sorcerers fail but a nobody who never gave up succeeds. (i mean it’s also because he’s yuuji. his starting point. his past. his other half. [izuku voice] it has to be you, brat…. but i digress!)

but also what fascinates me about sukuna vs yuta is that he gets to see how the queen of curses lives with him in a similar way he, the king of curses, lived with yuuji. except they coexisted in the opposite way yuta and rika do, because all they did was try to detach themselves from one another, fight for the upper hand, to take control of the body and ultimately parted in the most bitter way possible. meanwhile yuta started out the same, didn’t understand how to deal or communicate with her but ended up slowly adapting, understanding, accepting, welcoming, loving her until they lived in harmony. same cursed fate, opposite ways of navigating their relationship. so if you piece this mess of a rant all together what i’m trying to say i think is that if sukuna eventually considers company, getting to truly know others beyond thinking of them as random people, actually experiencing a life preferable to the loneliness and emptiness than come with his current existence then maybe he can reunite with yuuji and cooperate this time, seeing rika and understanding that coexisting can mean that there’s no backseat but they can evenly share this life. look i know sukuna is fun and authentic and i love how he stays true to himself through and through but i’m just wondering where do we go from here. idk idk if gege doesn’t contradict himself then sukuna will win again so sukuita couple therapy sounds less monotonous at the very least :’) give me you make me consider tenderness for the first time ever!!! give me it’s always been you!!!!

and if the other only way out is to die together then they can curse each other a little at the very end… as a treat. god just imagine yuuji saying it to sukuna and him smiling fondly, surprise taking over when he sees tears rolling down his own cheeks… the fact that anyone who isn’t friends with yuuji kind of groups them together like people automatically saw gojo being in cahoots with geto even when he wasn’t… you cannot have one without the other and. yeah. this is the post. i don’t know what possessed me at the end. enjoy. cry with me

[rhapsodomancer]

extremely lukewarm take that has absolutely been made before (actually @cowboysprayer made it in the tags of something she reblogged from me and it inspired this mess), and i'm probably not culturally or theologically informed enough to be making it, but i don't think the kind of people (young men, really, and specifically in the US but probably not uniquely) going through OCIA/RCIA these days actually give a shit about jesus or the things he said in the gospels.

they just see a giant, wealthy patriarchal institution with roots in the roman empire (which they also go apeshit for, for some fucking reason) that lets them wholeheartedly affirm their views on women and lgbt people with zero self-examination or self-reflection, and there's two thousand years of legalistic doctrine to be a contrarian shithead about, like the type of guy that goes to law school because he likes to argue.

like, jd vance, when asked what led to him converting to catholicism, said "I like it because it's old." that's it? like, not because of the beauty and poetry of the liturgy, or the sense of community, serving the community as jesus asked, or the love of god shining through all creation and inspiring magnificent works of art? people can go to whatever faith calls to them (or none) for whatever reason, but that's a bit shallow! to me!

they act in ways that make it clear that anything said in the new testament is completely contrary to their political agendas, like so:

they'll refute anything jesus said about loving your neighbor as yourself with something paul said as if the pauline epistles supercede the gospels in some way (despite there being an awful lot of contradiction within the epistles themselves, especially about the role of women in the church). they'll get pissy at the pope when he says that US catholics have replaced faith with reactionary ideology and call him a heretic. it's very frustrating.

granted, i don't know why it makes me so upset - other than it allowing and enabling shitty men to ascend higher into spheres of public power - i'm not RCC anymore and haven't been for many years. the bishop of rome has no authority in my provinces.

it's just very irritating, i guess! especially because there are a lot of people i care about that love being catholic and feel increasingly unwelcome in their faith and don't recognize it anymore. but also, my mom is catholic and i feel like she's being pulled even further into this reactionary hatefulness than she already has been and i just fear the entire world going that way as well.

all i can do is hope and pray that things change, i guess.

[elephant-in-the-pride-parade]

9, 14, 15? ✨

Thank you for the Asks!

9. Write a recommendation of someone else's fic you enjoyed!

@theredheadedcaptain finished her long fic Celestial Storms almost exactly 1 year ago. This was the story that made me first fall in love with her story telling.

It's a beautiful post Endgame J/C romance with a robust ensemble cast (and some thoroughly engaging original characters!) It follows J/C through a new mission, an encounter with old enemies, and introduces a well handled interpersonal conflict that speaks to class tensions between former Maquis and other edge-of-the-Federation characters and the Earth-centric human Starfleet characters. In short I loved everything about it. The action and adventure, the political undertones and social commentary and the romance - omg the romance! It is a can't miss long fic!

14. Is there a character or ship you were so sure you would never write/draw but now you've changed your mind?

I struggled conceptualizing Seven of Nine when I first started writing Voyager fic. She seemed like a canonical mess of contradictions - first because of how the costuming objectified her in an extremely uncomfortable way - and then how the narrative really didnt deal well with how it must have felt being sexualized - by crewmates and her doctor and aliens - having just barely left the borg where her body was something that was probably only conceptualized in strictly functional terms (its own kind of objectification). All of her voyager era romance plotlines really squicked me for a long time (dont let me fall into my Doctor/Seven rant 😆)

And then two things happened.

(1) Picard came out and Seven had a queer romantic arc with Raffi.

(2) I met my wife, who had been a neurodivergent closeted teen in a much more social-norms-concious community than I'd grown up in, talking to me about how shed intensely studied and tried to emulate traditionally feminine things and had boyfriends as a way to "fit in" without actually knowing how it was supposed to feel

And suddenly a lot of things that never used to click with me about Seven - confusion about attraction and dating and insistence on performing heteronormatic romantic gestures as if dating was some essential part of being an individual - all of those offputting sexist storylines from the Voyager era looked a lot more like queer and neurodivergent coded behaviors.

And then Seven became a lot more intriguing and understandable to me on rewatches (Queer and Neurodiverent being neither of the things the original 90s character creators probably indented when they stuck her in the catsuit and had the Doctor give her social lessons)  And shes now become a lot more fun to write now that I have an interpretation of her that jives with me.

15. Have you noticed your style change over time?

I dont know if i could pin point any one thing. but its like... I enjoy my own writing a lot more in the past 3-4 years than I did before. i feel more confident about it. A lot of that was rebuilding a writing community around me on discord (losing the in person one I had in college had me floundering for a while) and the second part was finding a planning process that worked for me - ive become a lot more confident that i can outline an idea, put it in a drawer and know that i can pick it up a few weeks or months later and have a solid blueprint for how to write that story.

Ive also gotten more concise and more conscious of a story's scope (i can finish a long fic in about 80-90k rather than 200k). And ive also gotten a lot more comfortable with the creative ebb and flow i tend to go through. just generally a lot more confident and comfortable with my craft. i know thats not the specific question but its definitely had a positive impact on my overall storytelling too.

[kaigarax]

Take 382

Marco Bodt x Reader

Quote: “Fall in love through the beauty of contradiction.”

Love, to Marco Bodt, is something everyone should have the chance of experiencing. Not just romantic love per say, but a love that makes someone want to throw away the notion of common sense just to help the person they care about. And while loving was something everyone should experience, falling in love was a contradiction.

Countless fairytales speak of heroes who put their lives on the line to save the ones that they love (whether it be family or lovers). None of it was sensible, yet that was the beauty of genuine, unadulterated love. In fact, what the freckled boy considered most fascinating about love was that it simultaneously went against and with the self-preservation that's built into every living thing on the planet.

Love is depicted as gentle and kind, yet can simultaneously hurt and save someone at the same time. To love someone so much you’d be willing to die for them, yet you would never want them to die for you.

Was it selfish? Foolish, even? Marco had never decided the answer for himself. The implications of any answer would only make him more confused. After all, while Marco was fascinated by love’s juxtaposition, he also believed that love, and falling in love, are phenomena that don’t need to be explained.

And oh, what a beautiful contradiction falling in love was.

---

“I can’t believe we’re required to provide community service!” A brunette with an undercut mumbled, placing his bowl of food down and taking a seat. “We just survived a massacre. We shouldn’t have to help out with tasks as lowly as community service! I didn’t join the Military Police to help random people in the inner districts of the walls, I came here to live a safe and carefree life.”

“I think you’re blowing this out of proportion, Jean. It’s in our best interests to help support the community before we try and move up in the ranks.”

Jean rolled his eyes. “You may be the noble type, Marco, but I certainly am not. This sucks.”

Marco laughed, unintentionally irritating Jean, but didn’t worry about it too much. The seats of the mess hall were filled to the brim with new and unfamiliar faces.

“You think we can get out of community service if we-”

“Excuse me, but do you mind if we sit here?” Wondered a blonde. Despite how early in the morning it was, this girl had very obviously taken care of her appearance before heading down for breakfast. Her blonde hair was cleanly brushed and sat just above her shoulders.

Marco smiled and nodded towards the seat, earning a lopsided grin from the newcomer.

“Thanks.” She replied, promptly taking the seat across from Jean.

Before Marco had a chance to introduce himself, a platinum blonde male took the seat across from himself, followed by a raven haired male taking the next seat over.

“Hey Marlo! I was gonna save that seat for-”

“Who, your girlfriend?” The girl mocked the platinum haired male. He frowned at the girl’s quip but didn’t immediately reply. He seemed caught between caring too much and not caring at all. In any case, the girl laughed and poked fun at her companion. “Geeze Boris, lighten up! You’re always so dead in the morning.”

“Not everyone has enough energy to do hair and makeup before breakfast, Hitch. Getting up is more than enough work.”

“Apparently so.” The blonde girl, Hitch, mused. “I didn’t even see our little sleeping beauty this morning. I hope she hasn’t passed away in her sleep or anything.”

The male on the far side of the table, Marlo, frowned. “You shouldn’t say things like that Hitch.”

“Hey, I’m only joking! Is it still too early for jokes?”

“I hope you don’t mind me asking, but what regime are you guys from?” Asked Marco, earning the gazes of everyone at the table. An uncomfortable feeling of deja vu to be sure, but nothing he was scared of.

“104th Cadet Corps, North Division.” Marlo replied. “Third, seventh and sixth graduates respectively.”

“Oh, so you guys all know each other?”

“As if that wasn’t obvious from the way they were talking…” muttered Jean, but he was quickly brushed off by the others.

“Me and this guy are from the Southern Division of the 104th Cadet Corps. Eighth and seventh respectively.”

“You guys are from the Southern Division? Does that mean you were both deployed during the Trost raid?” Boris, who’d previously seemed rather disinterested, perked up. “Wow, so like, you guys have actually seen the Titans huh? And now you’re here. They must have been really scary to send you guys running to the inner district with your tails between your legs.”

“What’re you trying to say-?” Snapped Jean, but stopped as a new figure took a seat at the table - beside Marco to be specific.

“Please ignore my companion over there. He doesn’t really pick up on social cues as easily as you might expect, but he’s practically harmless. He won’t actively pick a fight unless you really piss him off, so please do be gentle with him.”

The girl Marco suddenly found himself sitting beside was you. Despite never having met you in his life, meeting you almost felt like… fate.

“What are your names?” You asked.

“Marco Bodt and Jean Krishtein.” The freckled boy smiled, holding his hand out to you to shake.

“I’m (Y/n) (L/n). First rank from the Northern Division.” Your eyes lingered on his hands and Marco, sensing hesitation, instinctively pulled away. “It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

“R-right. A pleasure.”

---

“What was I thinking?! Trying to shake her hand - I’m so stupid!”

“Yeah. You almost offended a girl and her boyfriend on your first day of being a part of the Military Police Brigade. Good job.”

“I should definitely apologize to both of them. I don’t want them to get the wrong idea or anything!”

“Yeah. And you certainly don’t want to pick a fight with a guy who doesn’t run away from Titans that he’s never seen before. I bet he would piss himself if he ever came face to face with a real Titan! What a little-”

Aside from Jean’s incessant rambling, Marco couldn’t help but think about you. His companion’s sarcasm aside, he really hadn’t been trying to offend you. Making enemies was the last thing he was trying to do as a part of the Military Police. He wasn’t sure if apologizing to you and Boris would patch things up but he had to try.

---

By the time all military personnel were allowed to return to headquarters for lunch, Marco had managed to think himself into quite the predicament. He had gone through multiple scenarios where his apology was taken well, taken poorly, and situations where he just didn’t apologize at all. To be honest, none of them were particularly ideal.

Since Jean had already left, Marco was just finishing up a few loose tasks that he deemed unable to leave for later. It wasn’t as if they’d reached high noon, but if he didn’t hurry up he would be waking back to the headquarters under the boiling sun - something which he noted was also not an ideal scenario.

This was all so frustrating, but it was no one's fault other than his own. He decided that he would find you in the mess hall to keep his intentions clear when apologizing. If a scene did end up occurring he had plenty of witnesses (for better or for worse).

“You’re Marco, right? I was hoping I’d run into you!”

“O-oh, (Y/n)!” Marco felt his heart jump out of his chest at the sound of your voice. “I thought you would have left for lunch by now…”

“Honestly I thought so too, but it turns out that there are a lot more people here than what was predicted. Would you mind helping me out?”

“Umm…” This was not one of the possible scenarios that Marco had thought up. “With what, specifically?”

“I’ve been writing letters for people all day, but there doesn’t seem to be an end to them. I know the captain said we were supposed to limit people to a single paragraph, but… well, let’s just say I’ve been consistently writing over the limit. So if it’s not any trouble, do you think you could lend a hand?”

Based on the dozens of scenarios Marco had run through in his head, it probably would’ve been best if he had said no to spending time alone with you. Yet there was another part of Marco, a part he didn’t often like to acknowledge, that begged him to stay.

So he did.

He stayed and helped you write letters, wills and documents for dozens of people. The work wasn’t tough, but it was tedious. With the two of you working in tandem, you both had little trouble completing tasks. By the time either of you had realised it, the sun was in the midst of setting.

Not only had you two managed to work yourselves past lunch, you’d actually managed to work well beyond it. As a matter of fact, the two of you had even had several enjoyable conversations.

Marco was a relatively extraverted person so making conversation wasn’t much of an issue, but talking with you was different. Topics never seemed to drag on and the flow of conversation was always natural. Not even the silences felt awkward or forced. This wasn’t what was supposed to happen, but maybe this was alright. It wasn’t as if he was flirting, anyway.

“Hold on, so you’re telling me that you’re ranked below that brunette from earlier?” You wondered, taking a stack of legal documents and sorting them into different boxes.

Marco couldn’t stop himself from laughing. “Jean may be hot headed, but even I have to admit that he’s good with ODM gear!”

“And there are still six more people ahead of you? I’m sorry, but that just sounds fake. Could you list the top ten of your division again?”

“Of course. There’s Mikasa Ackerman - the all star. Marcel Galliard who was basically a big brother to everyone. Followed by Bertholdt Hoover, Annie Leonhardt, Reiner Bruan and Eren Jaeger. Then there’s Jean and I, followed by Connie Springer and Sasha Braus.”

“That is one hell of a roster.” You marvelled. “I still can’t believe that more than half of your top guys decided to join the Survey Corps.”

“The craziest part is that everyone was surprised to find out that Marcel decided to join the Military Police. I haven’t really seen him around though, which is pretty weird.” Marco paused as he noticed your movements halt. It was a strange hesitation in your previously perfectly efficient movements, but he decided not to think too hard about it. “A-anyway, I’ve organized all of the wills I documented. Where should I put them?”

You didn’t respond immediately which put Marco on edge in fear that he’d said something wrong, but your eventual smile put him at ease. “Those can go right beside the letters.”

“Wow.” Marco blurted as he scanned over a few of the letters. “Did these people really say all of these things?”

“Huh? Oh no, they didn’t. The letters are like that because I wasn’t writing what they were saying word for word. I was writing down their words and the feelings that went along with them.” The smile you wore was soft, but it was also… full. It was unlike anything Marco had ever seen before, but he wasn’t entirely sure it was a good thing. “I guess you could say that I’m… deciphering their feelings to a certain extent.”

“Well you’re pretty good at that ‘deciphering feelings’ thing. How many letters have you written?”

“Thousands.”

“You mean like, you’ve written so many that it feels like thousands?”

“Oh… sure.”

“Reading some of these actually gives me goosebumps. It’s just… so good! I didn’t realise emotions could be expressed in such a genuine way on the page.”

“What can I say? I try pretty hard.”

“I’ve never really been good with words, or figuring out how people feel for that matter, so… erm… do you think you could teach me a thing or two?”

“I’m not a very good teacher, but I suppose I could try.”

Marco couldn’t stop himself from grinning as he took a seat on one side of a nearby table. He wasn’t sure if he was nervous or excited to spend time with you. When you finally took a seat across from the freckled boy, Marco’s heart began to flutter.

It was probably inappropriate to think anything of this feeling, so Marco decided it would be best if he just ignored the butterflies inside of him.

“Who is this letter going to be for?”

Marco squeezed his eyes shut (exaggerating his thinking process) which earned a small laugh from you. “What? Did I do something?”

“No, no. You’re fine. Have you chosen someone?”

“I have. I want this letter to be sent to my parents.”

“Alright. Tell me about them.”

“Well first off I want to say hi and let them know how life as an MP is so-”

You shook your head. “Don’t tell me about the letter, tell me about them.”

“Oh. Well, they’ve taken care of me for more of my life than I can remember and… they’re the best parents I could ever ask for?”

“Okay, what else?”

“What else is there?”

“They’re your parents. Tell me about them.”

Marco rested his chin in the palm of his hand and gazed into the sky. “Well my father always told me that ‘the sky’s the limit.’ I never really understood that one when I was a kid, but recently I think I’m starting to get what he was saying. He was always encouraging and supporting me to be the best person I could be, and I don’t think I could ever ask for more!”

“And your mother?”

“My mom? Well, she’s always baked the best loaves of sourdough bread. She owns the best bakery in my hometown, no question about it. I always loved it when my mom would bake and the house would fill with the smell of it. Honestly, there’s no better smell than freshly baked bread.”

“Is there anything else you’d like to add?”

“Umm…” Marco scratched at the table for a moment. He debated how vulnerable he should realistically allow himself to be around someone he didn’t know that well, but there was also a part of him that wanted to leap at the chance to express himself. It was definitely something that went against all of his self-preservation instincts as a newly-recruited MP.

“Marco?”

When the freckled boy let his eyes meet yours, he felt as if the world (and the dozens of horrible apology scenarios he’d previously come up with) had melted away and left the two of you alone together. The look on your face was just so genuine - it was hard to imagine that you would ever do anything to hurt someone.

“The only other thing I really think about is how both of my parents want me to be happy. They love me so much that they worked their butts off just to get food on the table every day. I can only hope that they won’t worry about me now that I’m an MP, but they probably won’t since you always worry about the people you love, but still…”

“I see.” You smiled. Marco watched you scribble down several more lines of words before you finally handed the letter over to him. “Like I said, I’m not really good at teaching so I can only hope that something from this conversation has proven useful.”

“Woah. This letter is really-”

“Creepy?”

“Accurate.” Grinned the freckled boy. “I mean, it’s everything I’ve always wanted to say but didn’t know how to say. Are you some kind of letter-genie or something?”

“Like I said, I’ve written thousands of letters.”

“Do you mind if I try writing one for you?” Inquired Marco, not so subtly catching you off guard. You opened and closed your mouth a few times, as if you were right about to respond several times but wouldn’t, until you finally nodded your head.

“Who do you want the letter to be addressed to? Your parents, a sibling, a friend, maybe even your boyfriend?”

“My boyfriend…?”

The dozens of apology scenarios flooded back to the boy’s mind the moment he realized that he was overstepping the line between friendly and too much. “Right! I am so sorry about earlier and the handshake! I wasn’t trying to be overly touchy with you right in front of your boyfriend and I’m basically hardwired to shake people’s hands when I meet them so I hope I didn’t upset you and-”

Marco’s senseless blabbering was cut short as soon as you began to laugh.

“Is something wrong?” Wondered Marco.

“I don’t have a boyfriend.”

“You… don’t? But I thought that Hitch called you Boris’s girlfriend?”

“And you believed her? You’re a lot more naive than I remember you being!”

Marco could feel his face beginning to heat up. “Please don’t mention this to anyone. It’s embarrassing.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t. You know, I think I’ve decided on the perfect person to write a letter to.”

“Really? Do tell.”

“I want my letter to be addressed to you.”

Falling in love has always seemed like such a contradiction. Marco couldn’t remember the last time he had been so utterly wrong about something, let alone taken by surprise. Even if he had misunderstood the majority of the situation, Marco couldn’t help but feel relieved by everything. As of right now, your letter was for him.

Fall in love through the beauty of contradiction.

[fishnapple]

WHO IS YOUR FUTURE LOVE PARTNER ?

This is a general reading meant for multiple people. Take only what resonates and leave out the rest.

Your feedback is much appreciated. If you find the reading resonated with you, leave a comment, I’d love to know 🎐

About me | Masterpost

Book a reading with me - KO-FI (Read this post : personal reading)

1. Flourite

Energy: Sea serpent

This person's energy definitely not the fluffy, sweet type but I can't shake the association of their energy with a cream puff, the kind that has crusty, dry outer layers but soft and mushy cream inside ? Not to say they are mushy inside, but there is a certain softness and dreaminess inside them.

They are multifaceted, balanced between yin and yang energy, but can also be contradicting. Unstable yet rigid, intense yet carefree, practical yet spiritual, flirty yet pragmatic and serious, hard yet vulnerable. Sound a little like a mess don't they, but they don't let on all of these traits all at once. More like when you are viewing a kaleidoscope, a little turn, then you get a different picture. With this person, in different situations and with different people, talking about different topics, you will gradually get to see their different facets. It's fascinating to watch but could get a little tiring after a while.

At first impression, they will appear as a carefree and considerate person, a big personality, charming, it will be hard to have a negative impression of them. They could be involved in the art field, journalism, something creative, and with many interactions. They could have a certain genius to them, able to tap into hidden emotions, the odd one, the shameful one, the one that not many people want to touch but somehow this person will be able to pull out and transform it into something beautiful that can touch people's subconscious. When you guys have a connection, you would need to be pretty self-assured and have trust in them.

You could sense something a little backward with this person, like they're not moving onward totally but always have something that they want to look back at or return to. It seems like a general subconscious desire, not about a particular person or situation or thing.

For all their ever changing, kaleidoscopic image, they have pretty rigid and structured core beliefs and values. It won't be easy to pursue this person to change them, and you shouldn't. They are not forceful about it, and they won't like others to force something on them either. They want to be free and live their life according to their true beliefs.

This person don't feel really safe in this world, they could be paranoid deep inside, always expecting betrayal or some kind of crisis would befall them, and they are ready to act, so they could be quite guarded. To have a superficial relationship with them is easy, but getting deeper will take some time.

Their more poetic and romantic nature is reserved for the one closest. They may like role-playing, dressing up, be of service, and to tune in to whatever their partner desires, becoming the manifestation of that desire. In a sense, they could/like to lose themselves when they are intimate with their partner.

2. Clear quartz

Energy: fire ant

There is a silent heat to this person. They don't like to talk much or to express their ideas loudly. When they have an idea, they proceed to do it, no fuss, even with no announcement. I see that this trait could sometimes be irritating to you. But they are very sure about their actions, that's could be considered as dependable, the undependable part is their lack of communication.

This person like to indulge in their senses, in food, in experience that let them use their hand to touch and create something, in exhilarating activities that let them feel alive in their body,in romance, in physical intimacy, anything that has touching, tasting, hearing etc. They like to feel with all their five senses. They have a strong sixth sense too, their intuition are usually correct, but it manifests as something subliminal, a hunch, a dream, if they pay close attention to it, they would benefit greatly from it.

Go back to their five senses. There is a innate tendency to go overboard. But when something in their life or themselves crossed over a threshold (their own inner threshold), they feel like they are punished for it. Could be something mild as over indulged in sugar then feeling nauseating or having a headache, eating something not good for their body and get an immediate allergic reaction, to something more serious like being too focused on money and wealth, amassing large amount of money then somehow it's being taken away from them. They get a sense that if they put too much focus on building and forcing something into existence, it will collapse. Like an inner scale, an inner judge, always ready to bring equilibrium back.

So they will have a pretty balanced and disciplined approach, motivated by that fear of excesses leading to a collapse.

They have a fairly unconventional view of life, like the above mentioned fear, they observed their life and was able to thread a certain 'rule' for how to live in this world, almost like they had observed the rule of the universe. It may sound strange to other people, but it worked for them, and they want to abide by it. But they do realise how their belief will be perceived so they keep it low-key, not broadcasting it for all to see.

This person's life could revolve around a pretty big community. They may be involved in charity work, something about social services, and working with many people. They may be pretty busy, travel a lot, and don't have much time for personal hobbies or simple relaxation. Sleeping could be their favourite way to find balance after a heavy day.

3. Red jasper

Energy: mouse

Prepare to have a makeover for your life. This person could be a health-nut and organising freak. Their favourite show could be about home decoration and makeovers. They like their life to be tidy, well prepared, and pleasant overall.

They have a healthy glow to them, the kind that radiates when you are eating healthily and have a balanced self care routine. This person stands out, not easy to miss, but they don't seem to take pride in it. They have a healthy ego, maybe a good faith in life, just generally a good person to be around. Their life could seem easy for the onlookers, the kind that didn't have much drama growing up. But they don't feel naive or sheltered, just down to earth and warm, like freshly baked breads. Someone who can take good care of your emotional and physical needs without too much fuss.

Their energy feels abundant. They could be lucky in money matters. But there is a fear, they fear that if they don't have enough, others won't be with them. They could have a materialistic mindset about relationships. Could be from their past relationships, they have learnt that in order to achieve closeness with someone, they have to give and provide for that person. On a lighter note, they just want to give and spoil their person. That's how they express their love. There could be issues of over-giving and excess.

They like to be emotionally as close as possible with their partner, but sometimes they get suffocated by the closeness and want to detach a little bit. Could be expressed as one moment they are all over you, then next moment they just want to be alone, this is their dilemma. Maybe you and them just need to discuss this and reach an agreement to compromise before getting into a serious commitment. In physical expression, they would want to nurture and be nurtured by their partner, again, emotional closeness, but they also want novelty and exploration. They could surprise you with sudden bursts of passion and out-of-the-blue ideas. They would need their partner to be flexible,open-minded, and non judgmental.

Conversations with them would range from flirty banters, gossip about everything you guys can think up, late night heart-sharing talks to full-blown philosophical discussions. They are good at talking about mundane, daily stuffs but neither do they shy away from heavier topics. If they can meet their match, push the right buttons, then they can get super excited and intense in talking about their favourite subjects. Could be about social causes, spirituality, the art. They care a lot about humanity in general, so sometimes you would feel like you are competing with the whole humanity for their attention.

4. Aventurine

Energy: camel

This person is the personification of chillness.

Not many things can ruffle them. They may even respond to conflicts and insults with a calm smile (unintentionally or intentionally piss off the other person)

They are the problem solver, the one that everyone goes to for help. A pillar for others to lean on. They are dependable but independent.

They are able to do that not because of having an easy life or for having a natural calm disposition since birth. This calmness is forged through trials, mainly from internal demons of the mind.

Behind their placid exterior are thousands of thoughts spinning around. They would suffer from anxiety and overthinking, high fevers, and fatigue. But they have learnt to master themselves, having command over their thoughts. They are disciplined. Whatever anxiety they have, they will dispel it from their system, probably channelling through some creative activities or physical exercises. Self purification is their forte.

Even though they have such a tight reign on themselves, the way they act towards others is full of tenderness and understanding. They understand the hardship and suffering of people and respond with compassion. They are assertive and strong, but they give softness to others. This will also show in how they approach physical intimacy. They could sometimes like to be in a more passive role and let you take the lead.

They would be a great teacher, the one everyone looks up to for guidance. But here's the problem, their inner, more vulnerable self is often overlooked by others and even by themselves. When you meet someone who is strong and reliable, you tend to forget that they also have their own weakness and vulnerable moments. Too much discipline can push their more soft and childlike part faraway. They can receive other people's emotions well, but showing their own might not be easy. Maybe you would help them to get in touch more with that part. Tell their inner child that it's okay to come closer, that it's okay to let go and be wild a little. Suggest them to go on some trips with you spontaneously or introduce them to some different cultures, a change of scene, a little shock to their usual life. They would appreciate it a lot.

5. Citrine

Energy: deer

This person feels really reserved but not truly timid. Like seeing a wolf and a deer together. Is it the wolf that is standing in front of you with the deer peeking from behind the trees ?, or is it vice versa? You just can't tell. Are they intense or innocent? Are they flirty or serious ?. They don't necessarily mean to deceive or confuse anyone, they just don't feel comfortable showing all of themselves so they tried to hide some parts of them but quite unsuccessful, others can still pick up on their energy. They may act demure, but you can still pick up some intensity from them, which could be from when they are focusing on doing something and have a furrowed look to them. Or when there is something that they find funny, they laugh a little louder than normal.

There's something incongruous about this person. They could be a little awkward in incorporating various aspects of themselves into a unified, coherence presentation. Something in them will find a way to break free, no matter how much they try to hide it. Like someone who is usually quiet but suddenly talks loudly or someone who acts serious and low-key but has a collection of cute and bizarre t-shirts.

Whatever image they are perceived for, I think you and everyone will all notice that they have a pure and kind heart. They like to make other people feel welcomed and comfortable. They could heal your inner child wounds, you will feel more at ease with them.

But strangely, their own inner child is in deep hiding. They may not have a pleasant relationship with their parents, something about absence or immaturity. This could affect their way of navigating in life. But I feel that they will want to be a good parent to their kids so that their kids wouldn't feel what they had to feel in the past.

There's something innovative and fearless about them. They could have a lot of innovative ideas on how to improve their community. But it won't be easy. They could be under a lot of pressure from their peers just because of their differences. This would be stressful for their psyche.

For all those difficulties, your future partner will be in a prominent position in their work, and their voices will be heard. But you may have to help them watch their spending habit. They don't have a very firm grip on money matters. They work a lot so they may want to compensate by spending on luxurious things, especially for their loved ones.

Being intimate with their partner regularly would be a way to help them release some stress. They won't be selfish about it or make it feel like some kind of routine. Maybe they have some possessive streak in them, prefer to be in some place more isolated from the world, where there are only you and them without any interference, the feeling of only you and them exist in this world.

6. Tiger's eye

Energy: moth (+ dragonfly)

You would make a hasty judgement about them at first glance. They could appear childish or flaky to you. Unreliable or unclear in their intentions. Maybe that's their energy on that specific day, or there will be a misunderstanding. You guys could be in some project together, and they will seem to be not able to commit to the job, not finishing. Somehow, I sense that they could be a boss ? They are actually quite dedicated to their job and could even be workaholic. But your opinion about them may not be too favourable. They may come off as too flirty with questionable intention.

I had to take another oracle card to see their true energy. The card that came out was the dragonfly. The master of illusions and the mind. The situation at hand may be different than it appears at first glance. (I even had to redo the reading again after already done with the post because I couldn't shake the feeling that something was not quite right with this group)

This person is very elusive. People often don't have a clear view of who this person really is. Other people may project a lot on this person.

Their core energy seems pretty straightforward and quite intense, but somehow, others just have all kind of different opinions about them.

Actually this person is quite hard on themselves, they have insecurities about who they really are. It will be draining and confusing to be constantly misjudged. People won't see their insecurities at all. They will appear as a hardworking and serious person to general public, and becoming more soft and caring but somewhat hard to hold on to in their closer relationships, a very private person, something feels pure yet opaque about them. Could be that their job requires them to be in different roles.

It may take a while for you to see their core. You will have to have discerning eyes to see through their web of illusions and remind yourself constantly not to project your own unconscious ideas on them. I don't think they want to actively deceive anyone. It's just their subconscious way to cope with the world, maybe ?

This person has a spiritual side to them that not many will know about. They have an inner guiding voice that manifests as strong intuition. They may not understand why, but they are lucky. Every time they are in some kind of crisis or hardship, somehow they can get out of it safely.

They have a seductive voice and an emotional way of communicating, they understand and process emotions easily but there will be a analytical bent to it. You could hear some people describe them with all the masculine traits, but when being with them, you would feel more of their feminine energy. There's a otherworldly quality to them, detached from life in general. To them, an open heart conversation that go on and on, the kind that make you surprised when finally looking at the watch to see that 5 hours have passed, would even be better than physical intimacy, They seek emotional connection through the mind. They like sensual things but seem to be not too fond of the actual act. They may like to add a more imaginative touch to it.

Love.

[tehuti88-art]

5/31/24: r/SketchDaily theme, "Free Draw Friday." This week's characters from my anthro WWII storyline are more of the Jäger children: twins Lars and Lara (about six years old), and Lothar (about four); Lars and Lothar are the only boys in the bunch. You can see their older sisters Lisbeth and Liesl HERE, and their eldest half-sister Leopoldine HERE. Their personalities aren't very developed yet. There'll be more about them later in my art Tumblr and Toyhou.se.

Regarding their design, again, the younger they get, the bigger I draw the ears and eyes, and the shorter and chunkier the snout and neck. The male rats in my story don't have hair but females do (I dunno why). I have the three youngest Jäger children left to draw now.

TUMBLR EDIT: I have even less to say about these three younger Jäger siblings, the first pair of twins and younger son Lothar, than about Lisbeth and Liesl. They seem cheery enough, and not as insecure as the art of the two older full sisters hints; I suspect their younger age has to do with it.

The rest of this entry, which has mostly to do with Jäger anyway, will be truncated in following entries to save repetition.

Something I've learned recently, bits of Jäger's family history are emerging, albeit slowly and haltingly; he isn't giving up his past too willingly. I've learned for sure that he himself comes from a big family, father, mother, grandmother, and Jäger is the youngest of seven siblings: He has six older sisters. So this helps explain why he knows how to deal with groups of women and why he even seems to prefer their company; he explains to Otto Himmel, the only male secretary he hires, that women have much better heads for office work and communication, they're calmer and more rational and deal better with facts and details, whereas men are physically stronger yet, given their predilection toward brute violence, are more suited as "cannon fodder." Himmel has never heard men referred to as the more emotional and less rational sex, so Jäger's theories dumbfound him a bit. (It doesn't get past him, either, that Jäger seems to be hinting that he considers Himmel more feminine in temperament than masculine, but he has nothing to say about that, he just accepts his desk job with furrowed brow.) Jäger's office is full of young, beautiful Helferinnen (helpers); additionally, he has his beloved wife Magda, and his large (and growing) litter of children, all but two of whom are girls, plus before he met Magda he was a participant in the Lebensborn program (a weird, semi-anonymous sort of "stud service" to help boost the birth rate)...so yes, Jäger is pretty used to being around lots of women.

Another detail which emerged lately. Jäger informally considers his large band of secretaries his "Walküren," or Valkyries. They obey his every command without question, are fiercely loyal to him, and are unafraid of the same bureaucracy that intimidates most of his fellows because he takes good care of them and, despite his rather middling rank and his self-professed unglamorous status as "just another cog in the great war machine," he's actually quite powerful and, at times, downright terrifying. You don't mess with Jäger. Especially considering that he's a batsh*t fanatic.

Jäger's early history is coming in bits and pieces that sometimes contradict each other, so I'm unsure of the truth of some of it. Twins, however, seem to run in his family; he and Magda have two sets of them, Lars and Lara, and Lilli and Lotti, and I believe Jäger himself is a younger twin. Hold on though, didn't I mention he was the only son, and youngest child, in a family of six daughters...? Yes, I did. Jäger's mother gives birth to Ludolf and Luitpold, yet both sons are a difficult birth and are weak and sickly, especially the younger. Frau Jäger is desperate to save her only sons from dying, so turns to her mother-in-law, Herr Jäger's mother. Why? Because the older Frau Jäger is rumored to have powers; she, and when he was younger, her son, practice the old ways, honoring the Germanic gods rather than the Christian one. Herr Jäger gave up these beliefs and converted to Catholicism but his mother is still a believer, and despite being Catholic herself, the younger Frau Jäger appeals to her for help, because she'll do anything. The older woman mulls over the request before stipulating that the boys themselves be raised in the old ways; Frau Jäger haggles that she raise them in her own faith, BUT, if they decide to go seeking such knowledge on their own--without her mother-in-law prompting them--she won't try to stop them. MIL agrees, goes to the sick boys, and spends some time murmuring incantations and pleas and making offerings of wine and burnt items. She places a hand on each boy as she prays.

Then...something neither woman expected happens. Ludolf starts to grow weaker...while Luitpold grows stronger. MIL tries what she can, yet in the end, Ludolf succumbs, and only one of the twins, Luitpold, is left alive. Frau Jäger is distraught--this isn't what MIL promised her, she promised to save BOTH her sons. MIL retorts that she made no such promise, she simply said she would do what she could. She saved one boy; the other was obviously destined to die. It's Schicksal, fate. That doesn't mean he's gone, however...doesn't she see? The way Luitpold grew in strength as his brother Ludolf grew weaker. Ludolf's soul still lingers with them. With his twin brother. Frau Jäger isn't sure what to think--surely a body can house only one soul?--yet when the baby opens his eyes and blinks at her...she can swear she's looking at Ludolf, not Luitpold. It's unsettling, but the more she thinks about it, the more the idea worms its way into her. By the time Herr Jäger returns and demands to know what's going on, why is MIL here burning things, what happened to Ludolf, Frau Jäger has convinced herself that Ludolf died so Luitpold could live, Luitpold's body houses both the twins' souls, and oh, she's decided to give the surviving, younger son the elder son's name, because it only seems fitting. She declares that the boy she's cradling in her arms is both Luitpold and Ludolf, but from now on, he'll be known as Ludolf.

Of course Herr Jäger, who renounced all this business ages ago, is incensed at his mother's meddling, and tells her off. His wife buying into it all mystifies him, but she's insistent, so, the surviving infant receives a name change. And when he's older, and spies his grandmother praying at her little altar which is nothing like the grand altar at the church the family attends, Oma Jäger is all too willing to fill him in on what she believes. Young Ludolf is full of awe and curiosity. Oma's talk of patron gods has him wondering, which god is his god? She replies that he needs to keep his eyes open for a sign. His god will let him know when he's been chosen.

Ludolf is born roughly around 1910, so he's just a child when the Great War breaks out. At the time, his family lives near the border, and one day late in the war, Ludolf witnesses a German plane crash in a field. He runs to inspect it, taking note of a painting the pilot must have made on the tail--a lightning bolt--then realizes that the pilot is still alive. He spots Ludolf peering down at him--he's bloody and badly injured, one of his eyes missing--and holds up his hand; Ludolf grasps it and holds on for but a moment, before the airman's eye glazes over and his breath rattles and then falls still. He doesn't want to leave him, but flames start licking at the plane and he's forced to retreat, watching from afar as it's gradually consumed by fire. Men arrive to put it out and retrieve the charred body while Ludolf is taken home. He doesn't talk much to his parents, but privately, Oma asks him what he saw--she knows it was significant. He describes the incident in detail; by the time he's done, his grandmother is nodding, her eyes alight. Ludolf is twice blessed, she tells him--for not just one, but two gods have reached out to him: Donar the lord of thunder, and Wotan the Allfather. Ludolf now knows his patrons, and it's up to him whether he conducts himself accordingly.

Ludolf grows up following his grandmother's teachings, ignoring how much it displeases his mother and father. They eventually learn to put up with it, hoping he'll grow out of it someday. Instead, he just grows even more devoted. When war rears its head a second time, and he learns of the formation of the Waffen-SS, he decides to apply to join. Nobody in his family is happy about this; his sisters cry, and his parents try to dissuade him, but he won't be deterred. His grandmother is the only one to urge him to follow his souls--she's told him by now of the sacrifice his older twin made for him--and although he doesn't care much for the racial business, he fully buys into the occult/mystical angle pushed by the Nazis. His father is just as adamant about the path the rest of the family will take: They're leaving the country, and will return only when the hostilities are over. Jäger's favorite sister makes a tearful appeal to him to come along; yet even this doesn't convince him. He feels like he has a destiny, and he rather hopes that, like the airman whose crash he witnessed so long ago, his souls might be borne away by the Walküren someday. He does decide not to part on bad terms, and wishes his family well, also hoping that they might reunite after the war, when things are better. Herr and Frau Jäger, Oma, and the six sisters depart Germany, while Jäger departs for the front.

Despite their hopes, they never meet again. Jäger is wounded, and while lying half-conscious on the battlefield, he believes he sees a Walküre telling him it isn't his time yet (this is actually a nurse); he wakes in an SS hospital. Seeks a transfer to the Allgemeine-SS, participates in Lebensborn, meets young Magda in a maternity home...marries her, adopts her daughter Leopoldine, starts his own family, and starts the indoctrination all over again. The difference being that this time, there's a distinct Nazi slant, and everyone goes along with him, for better or worse. (Spoiler alert: It's worse.)

That includes little Lars, Lara, and Lothar, and the rest of the Jäger children I haven't drawn yet...there are three more to go.

[Lars Jäger 2024 [‎Friday, ‎May ‎31, ‎2024, ‏‎12:00:11 AM]]

[sarpelui-saved]

HE  STANDS  BEFORE  THE  FLAMES  of  the  bonfire  ,  his  gaze  narrowed  against  his  cigarette  before  it  trails  down  the  length  of  it  in  the  direction  of  the  caito  mansion  .  from  the  hill  ,  he  could  just  see  the  top  of  it’s  architecture  ,  the  other  direction  ,  the  estate  .  he  leans  back  away  from  the  heat  and  takes  another  drag  ,  adding  his  own  smoke  to  the  flames  ❛    they  say  fire  always  brings  change  ,  regrowth  .  i  wonder  if  it  will  stick  this  time  .    ❜

[lutawolf]

My Beautiful Man and the BDSM Element Episode Six

And we are at the end of our journey. For those that have missed my previous posts on one of my favorite BLs, you can find it here. Before starting let me explain a little bit about Blood Kink. It's a real thing. I'll only explain enough to fit the context of this series and the above situation. Otherwise we would be here all day with all the subcategories. Blood play is a lot more popular than you might think. With 19% of the population having a blood fantasy of some sort. Blood is our life force, yet it's something that many people fear. Then add in the fact that while alluring, blood is a dangerous kink. This contradiction creates arousal in the same way that drives many of us to watch horror movies. Blood is also one of the most sensual and intimate fluid we can share outside of sex. A way of connecting two people forever.

Previously Kiyoi said goodbye to Hira and Hira knew he was serious. He knows this time they are truly over. However, Koyama realizes he created this mess and it's only right he fix it. He decides to go and visits his brother to have a chance to talk to Kiyoi. First though he tests Kiyoi by disrespecting Hira. "Hira is so servile and indecisive, and then the things he insist on are very strange. It's very temperamental." "That's really a nasty look. You say you don't care but you get upset when people say bad things about him." He then goes on to explain that Hira has only like one person ever and it's the one he has photographed.

Hira gets a call. A request to help with lighting for the play. There is a beautiful moment of Kiyoi trying to express himself to Hira through his script. All Hira can think though is that Kiyoi will never feel that way about him. Please keep in mind that Dominant is not synonymous with abounding amounts of confidence. I have confidence when it comes to my submissive but prior to that, it was very difficult to make myself vulnerable.

I want to be like this forever. I want to shine the light for him for the rest of my life. See Hira is deeply submissive, that he is at a level that he doesn't humanize himself to Kiyoi. Now this is all him, not Kiyoi but it is a large part of the miscommunication. Kiyoi demonstrated as a Master but has grown and softened for Hira, but he doesn't understand that Kiyoi isn't really aware of that.

After the play, Hira is helping clean up. Hira and Kiyoi end up carrying boxes together. Kiyoi asks Hira what is going on but Hira is so stressed he is unable to speak. Kiyoi gets annoyed and kicks a shelf that knocks everything down. This is honestly the first time Kiyoi has lost patience with Hira but he is understandably furious at Hira's inability to communicate. Especially as he sees himself as reaching out and trying.

There are a lot of interpretations of this scene but for me it expresses their relationship. Kiyoi's longing and lack of understanding of Hira and Hira's total devotion to everything Kiyoi. To the point that he wants to consume him. He can't help himself when it comes to Kiyoi. Just like when he masturbated to Kiyoi's picture, he knew he shouldn't but he had to. It never crosses his mind that he would actually be allowed access to Kiyoi now. It's a moment of sensuality that Kiyoi has never had and for a moment Hira is lost to it. Then he catches himself.

Hira apologizes and expresses that he doesn't know what came over him. Kiyoi doesn't understand why Hira is apologizing because to him he has made his feelings clear. He ask Hira what he is to him. "You are my favorite person in the world." "So go out with me" "No" "Why" "Because you are king and I'm the one that serves you."

This is going to be hard to understand but I'm going to try to explain it to the best of my ability. I need you to look back on Kiyoi's and Hira's initial relationship. How they treated each other and the kind of agreement that formed. There was nothing sexual, just Kiyoi telling Hira what to do and him accepting this and doing it. Now let me explain to you what a slave submissive is. First know that this type of submissive should have consensually chosen this prior to the relationship and there should be a written contract. Now that we have addressed that. A slave only answers to his/her Master/Owner and does not negotiate. A slave has given up all limits except those which his/her owner sets for them. It's not just submission it's obedience in all things. They retain no rights and becomes the property and possession of his/her Owner. Now imagine going from a slave mentality to one of general submissive. Because that's what has happened. He has placed himself into that deep submissive state to the point of not realizing that Kiyoi has moved from Master to a general Dom.

Kiyoi mistakenly believes that Hira just wants anyone to serve. He tells Hira to never touch him again. "I am fine with your usual fantasies but don't interfere with me in reality. You always, never understand my feelings." "Yes, how could someone like me understand what your feeling?" "I guess. I don't understand what your thinking either?" gif below is from @save-the-data

Kiyoi goes to leave and Hira jumps up to hold onto him. Kiyoi fights to get loose. "I'm afraid this will be the last time and I don't want to let you go." "You!" "Have you ever thought that I might like you!" "Impossible" At that point Kiyoi is just done and shoves Hira to the ground and walks away.

A bunch of messages come from Hira. Saying that he was really sorry. Saying that he was so wrong. I always thought if I said it, we'd be together. But he didn't even think I was confessing did he? Then so be it. Leave it all behind. Though not very famous yet, I still had a lot of rehearsals and auditions every day. Luckily my time is all booked up.

Hira's vm: I'm sorry. If you think I'm annoying, I won't contact you any more. Tonight I will think of you until dawn where you saved me before. Today is the last day I'll think of you.

At this point you see Kiyoi's eyes widen. He stops breathing. This was never something he contemplated. He thought he would always at least have this. It's time, it's time to end it.

Hira waits in their old classroom. Kiyoi didn't come. He couldn't have come. That's the reality. Let's welcome the new morning. So that I can forget. Forget the person I love forever.

But Kiyoi does show up and then he runs. Hira quickly chases him because he doesn't want to forget. He doesn't want it to just a memory. I know I'm being creepy but I can't lie about my feelings. Kiyoi is who I yearn for. He's self-centered and willful.. That's why... he was my savior. Everything Kiyoi was... and everything Kiyoi will be... I want to embrace it all.

Hira finally catches Kiyoi and shouts that he loves him. I'm not the King. Screw You! That's not what I am. I'm an ordinary guy. I want to be with the person I love. Do you have someone you love? It's you! Stupid, how many times are you going to make me say it? Really? I wouldn't lie about something like this. I kissed you... on graduation day, didn't I?! But you.. Didn't even come after me. Even though you kept saying how much you love me... I couldn't understand. Why would you love someone like me? I wish I knew! I really don't know. You're the one that told me you loved me first. You gave me that look... You even kissed me. But then... You changed your number! Do you know how that made me feel?! Hira whispers Kiyoi's name reverently. He tries reaches out to Kiyoi but gets slapped away and told to go to hell. I love you so much, Kiyoi, that it drives me crazy! I think of you like a God. I never thought I could have you. I'm not a God.

Hira nods. He finally understands. While he will always worship Kiyoi, it now gets to include him. He has become someone to Kiyoi. He asks to touch Kiyoi and Kiyoi agrees if it's not in the same way he has always done before. He wants the touch of a lover.

Hira cups his face and touches his pulse point.

Then Hira embraces Kiyoi. Then he proceeds to worship Kiyoi's body as he has always longed to.

This does not make Kiyoi any less a Dominant. I am a Dominant and I take it. I have mad respect for girls that peg but I can't get near my husband with a 6 inch without him screaming out his safe word. "Boundaries! Luta Boundaries!" The panicked way he says it never fails to make me smile. Anyway, this means I take it. I assure you that doesn't make me less Dominant.

Is there anything you cherish other than photos? The time I spend with you Kiyoi. Kiyoi smacks him hard enough to have Hira say ouch. That's not what I mean! I'm talking about an object. Why? Well I want to know. You're are cute. Kiyoi smacks him upside the head again and threatens to kill him. Which causes Hira to confess about the coins he keeps in the beaker. Kiyoi realizes that everything important to Hira revolves around him. Kiyoi smiles and tells Hira It makes me wonder why I fell in love with a creepy guy like you. Hira asks Kiyoi to tell him he loves him again but this just prompts Kiyoi to torture him until he screams sorry! Yeahhhh, I'm pretty sure it's clear who the Dom still is.

Kiyoi hugs Hira tightly while telling him that he really is quite creepy.

This is so fucking long but there was no way of shortening it. Hopefully you found it interesting. At least. 💜💜💜 This post is dedicated to the Coconuts Mafia for cheering me on and especially Bee. Thank you!

[messers-moony]

Serene | F.H

Paring: Five Hargreeves X Fem!Reader

Summary: Five’s wife has a room in their apartment for her own safe keeping. But Diego’s daughter accidentally reveals her biggest secret.

Her scent was heavenly—a beautiful desired mix of coffee, chocolate, and old books. Waking up beside her was like waking up in a coffee shop during sunrise. Her scent resembled her nature and her personality to a tea.

She was calm, collective, resourceful, and quiet. Much different than he himself. Number Five was just as innovative as her. But he found himself more different than similar. He often acted upon impulse and unable to rest. To his siblings, they were bewildered at how the two of them spent a multitude of years together in an apocalypse.

Nevertheless, opposites attract.

Regardless, she didn’t speak up. Instead, she hid in a corner with a book agreeing with the other person instead of saying her point of view. She hated conflict more than anything. Five, on the other hand, would only make conflict when necessary. He always stood up for himself and his opinions.

It was a communication issue they both had to solve. While in the apocalypse, she didn’t speak for the first month. He was lucky if he even got some form of communication other than a nod or a shake of the head. Eventually, he learned her name was Y/n. A beautiful name for a beautiful girl. She looked like her name.

She moved so delicately and smoothly it drove Five crazy. This woman he met was so opposite to him it drove him up the wall. The conflict between the two usually ended up in her quietly leaving the shared apartment and returning later than expected. Which left Five to pull at the tuffs of his brown hair in frustration.

Five overthought everything. This woman was the light of his life, but she couldn’t deal with conflict to save her life, and it made him wonder. Maybe she went through a dark time before the apocalypse. Perhaps the scars on her arms weren’t from accidental burns on the fire. He paced in their main room for hours. It seemed before a knock on the door caught his attention.

The boy opened the door to see his brother, “ Hey, Diego. “

“ Um, hey, Five. “ Regardless of Diego’s nervous greeting, Five gave a reassuring smile, “ Artemis wanted to know if she could stay here for the time being while I’m at work. “

The little girl was Y/n’s pride and joy. The two were so highly similar. Even Artemis found herself cowering at Five sometimes. Five was just a ticking time bomb no one ever knew when it would explode, and it made people nervous. Henceforth Diego was hoping Y/n would answer the door with her soothing nature.

“ Yeah, she can stay here for as long as she wants. “ Five replied softly, looking at the ten-year-old girl, “ Is Y/n here? “ Diego queried.

Five shook his head, “ She went out. I’m sure she’ll be back later. “

“ Alright, well, thank you for taking care of her. “ Diego sighed as Artemis went inside Five’s apartment, “ It’s no problem. “

Diego gave another nervous smile and walked away. The brunet male shut the door and locked it afterward. The little girl never really got along with Five. He didn’t know what to do. Children didn’t mix well with Five, especially an introverted, antisocial ten-year-old girl.

Artemis was gorgeous for her age. Long brown hair that resembled Vanya’s at her age with bangs across her forehead. Striking blue eyes like no other. A pale complexion compared to Diego’s naturally tan one. Her name was almost a contradiction to who she was. This little girl was no independent, strong, brave goddess. Instead, she was intelligent, quiet, and careful.

There was one room in the apartment Y/n didn’t really let anyone into. It was the ‘spare’ bedroom that wasn’t really a bedroom anymore. Five had only been in there a handful of times. It was known as her safe space, so Five respected that. But Artemis seemed to walk right inside. To say it made Five uneasy was an understatement. He didn’t know if she was allowed inside or not.

Five walked into the room and was greeted with bookshelves. It looked much different than the last time he saw it. The room wasn’t huge, maybe the average size of a square bedroom. Black bookshelves covered the walls with a desk sitting in the middle of the room planted on a rug. The only wall space not covered was a window with a tiny navy blue couch placed in front of it.

That’s where Artemis sat with a book in hand; she giggled at her uncle’s lost complexion, “ You haven’t been in here before, have you? “

“ I- I haven’t been in here a lot. “ Five replied in awe of the room, “ Aunt Y/n says she doesn’t let a lot of people in here. “ Artemis’ voice was soft and serene.

“ Yeah, it’s been a couple of months since I’ve been allowed in this room. “ He reminisced, “ Is this where you two talk? “

Artemis nodded, “ We talk a lot in here. This is where she works, and she shows me all her drafts. “

“ She works in here? “ Five queried, completely baffled, “ Mhm! You didn’t know? “ The young girl asked.

“ No, I- I didn’t know. “ He muttered, “ She’s not just an English teacher. She writes books in her spare time. “ Artemis smiled.

“ She does? “ Five spoke, “ Like how Vanya wrote her autobiography? “

“ Kind of. “ Artemis answered, “ She writes fiction novels. “

Five spun around the room, “ Can you show me? “

The young girl didn’t reply. Instead, she looked at Y/n’s desk sitting in the middle of the room. Under the rug laid a key which she picked up. Carefully she unlocked the bottom drawer on the left side of the desk, which held multiple different notebooks full of drafts and notes.

Artemis picked up a navy blue-bound notebook and handed it to him, “ This is her most recent stuff. “

Shocked and astonished at what his wife was hiding from him, he took the navy blue book. He took a spot on the rug sitting next to the open drawer while Artemis went back to reading on the couch. Her handwriting was elegant cursive that she taught herself how to do. The notebook was as messy as Five’s lesson plans for his college students. Nonetheless, he read on.

Life is a journey and full of different surprises. People from all around the world meet in the center for one leading cause. What occurs when tomorrow doesn’t happen? What is indeed on the other side? People tend to believe there’s an afterlife. Others think that it’s game over.

Brooklyn James takes a path into the unknown. A scared adolescent. She takes a brave step to find the answers for everyone. But at what cost? Prophecies advise and warn. People intrigued and fascinated.

When happens when both ends meet?

Five sat on the floor, entranced in her writing. He couldn’t believe his eyes. How has he never seen this before? How was she doing this without him noticing? Eventually, he closed the book and looked inside the drawer. Inside was an envelope with his name on it. Curiosity peaked, he took the envelope and opened it. Inside he found more writings, but all addressed to him. It even went back to the apocalypse.

It’s been about a month now. I was able to find some parchment and ink in an old book store. I can imagine they were selling for the aesthetic of old ways of writing. Thankfully I learned how to write with a quill, or perhaps this note would look like one big black blob. Five seems to be adjusting to me better. I’m scared of him. He’s terrifying.

We’re so different it hurts. He likes to express everything, and I don’t know how to feel about it. My entire life, I’ve been shut down to the point where talking feels like a fruitless effort. Maybe talking to him will help me. But I’m scared. What if he shuts me out as everyone else did.

This is so surreal. We’re stuck in an apocalyptic future—stupid healing powers. I wish I never healed myself sometimes. I didn’t know that after climbing out of my burnt house, this is what the world would look like. Five’s been a great help, though. Sometimes he takes my mind off things. At night he’ll ramble about the constellations, and I like learning about them.

Maybe he thinks I’m asleep or not listening because I don’t talk much, but I’ve learned a lot from him. He makes me want to be a teacher, step out of my comfort zone. I hope he becomes a teacher. He’d be a fantastic math professor.

He continued to read through until a voice made him jump, “ So, you’ve found my locked drawer. “

“ I- I didn’t- I didn’t mean- “ Five suddenly became a stuttering mess, “ I showed him. “ Artemis admitted.

Although Y/n wasn’t mad, Artemis cowered with her head, looking at the floor. Y/n’s voice never held anger, even when she was angry. Her voice was calming, soothing, and laced with honey. It was one of the reasons Five fell so in love with her.

“ Artemis, can you step out to the living room, please? “ She knelt before the girl giving her a tiny smile, “ You aren’t in trouble, my princess. I just want to talk to Five, okay? “

“ I’m- I'm sorry. “ The girl whimpered, and Y/n kissed her cheek gently, “ It’s okay, you aren’t in trouble. I’m not mad. I just need you to sit in the living room for a moment. “ Five stared in wonder at his wife comforting the tiny girl.

The young girl got the message and padded to the living room. Y/n stood up from her spot and stared at her guilty husband. His green eyes looked everywhere except for her e/c ones. He wanted her to yell or be angry with him, but she never was. No matter what, he couldn’t ever make her mad. Her patience were infinite.

“ I suppose you found what I’ve been working on. “ She stated, and Five nodded, “ And you saw my parchment from the apocalypse. “

“ I really didn’t mean to. “ He murmured, and she chuckled, “ You were going to have to find out sooner rather than later. “ Y/n replied.

Without warning, he was embraced. Her arms were wrapped around his torso while her head rested on his heart. The scent of her shampoo reached his nose, a glorious mix of honey and coconut he couldn’t ever get enough of. His arms gently wrapped themselves around her shorter frame while his chin perched on top of her head.

He kissed her hair gently, “ I didn’t mean to snoop. I’m sorry, love. “

“ Well, do you like it? “ She asked, “ Like what? “

“ My drafts, my room, my notes? “ Y/n listed, “ I love it because it’s who you are. “ Five replied softly.

He pulled away to meet her soft e/c eyes, “ This room is who you are as a person. If I had to describe you in one room, it’d be something along these lines. “

“ You aren’t mad I didn’t tell you? “ She whispered, and he shook his head, “ Never. We spent forty-five years together with no privacy because we didn’t have that. When you said you wanted this room to yourself, I didn’t hesitate to agree with you. “ His voice was soft like silk.

His green eyes glittered like gems, “ This is your private room, your safe place, and I shouldn’t be mad at you for wanting privacy. “

She kissed his cheek gratefully, “ Thank you. “

“ Anytime, darling. Anytime. “

[editorialsonlife]

Grief is just like, the wildest ride ever on so many levels and I'm so so so struggling to articulate anything meaningfully at the moment. But here's a brain dump anyway coz it's been a shit 24 hours and my heart hurts and frankly so do my eyes after so much crying. It's v rude.

~ I feel like I've lost so much connection with people because I just don't even know what to say anymore. I don't wanna be the girl who's like oh my dad died adn now my life is a mess but also I am the girl who's dad died and whose life is an absolute fucking mess and it's like, how long can I sit here and cry about it but really it's only been 2 months and of course I'm still crying over it. AND I would literally not expect that standard from anyone else in my life. Someone close to you died unexepctedly? you best believe you live your best messy life and I'll be here until it's done ya know. I'm not going to expect them to be over it in two seconds flat that's just ludicrous and not a standard I should be holding my own self to. it's just dumb.

~ it's really hard to acknowledge and give credence to the absolute weight of everything I am carrying right now and if I sit down and list out everything that is on my plate right now it's simply overwhelming. Work is massive, home life is massive, mum is massive, grief is a ridiculous weight dragging me down, and there is absolutely every reason in the world why I get home and cocoon myself in bed every night and just shut down on every level because I literally cannot process any more. I do not have any more to give to people and that's really hard for someone who prides herself on showing up for the people in my life. It's hard on my ego who wants to be a success at this job and be able to create change and rebuild this fucking team when I'm working with a group of people who are fighting it every damn step of the way. It's hard on my soul because it absolutely sucks listening to someone else sobbing on the other end of the phone and knowing there is literally nothing you can do to change anything apart from sit there and bear witness to it and hold as much space as you can for them.

~ this is really reinforcing the absolute worst of my individualistic, we live alone and die alone tendencies on a level I can't even explain. And I know withdrawing to manage it all and trying to hold it all in is my go to coping mechanism anyway but jesus freaking christ it is rough. and yet, I will never not stop going on about community care and showing up for others and being with them and surely part of all of this is learning to lean on others as well even if it is rough. I just don't know where the answer and the boundaries sit and like whats the point in talking about it because Dad died and it sucked and sitting there and watching that for a month has destroyed me and like, cool?

~ the absolute wildness of how 'back to normal' people expect is bonkers. Like sure we're now in back to back meetings again and trying to sort things out and talk to finance teams about dumb fucking systems and here let me schedule 30 minutes for my mental breakdown in here because when else is it going to happen? like, the world will not acknowledge that everything has changed and I don't know how to integrate everything that has happened into day to day life and like so. many. other. things. society simply does not allow space for the fact that not everything is perfectly fine all the time? I still have to pay bills and the mortgage and function as an adult all while feeling like I can't breathe because my world is so beyond fucked and it is ruthlessly, exhaustingly hard.

~even while it is ruthlessly exhaustingly hard, it is also beautiful too, and isn't that part of the hardest contradiction of all? my cherry tree is blossoming and it's gorgeous. The cat has become a snuggler and I'm 100% the favourite and she curls up in my lap every night. Dave gives no end of hugs and wipes my tears away for me. We spent the weekend with Lynaire and Hayden and Izzy and even though she won't talk to us she still made us go down the slides with her. The trees at the river are all green again. Spring is well and truly here and summer is on the way as well.

I turned up to counselling today and Anne just wrapped me in the weighted blanket and sat there and said I will sit with you through all of this for as long as it takes and there's no need to pretend to be ok here and I just sobbed because it's so hard. It's so fucking hard.

There's no answers, and there's moments of respite and relief, but there's just getting through it and it's rubbish and I'm so existentially tired.

[b0rista]

i don't really know how tumblr reqs works but you write for marco right ?? 🤩 can you write some hcs for him 😟😟 ( sorry if I sound rude or dry 😭😭😭 )

— 𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐂𝐎 𝐁𝐎𝐃𝐓.

WARNINGS: language.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: NONFOGNO it wasn't rude or dry at all!! lowkey i got super excited reading this because LAWD i've been wanting to write some marco dating hcs 🥺 i love him way too much like this isn't healthy bye

"you don't get it— you had my heart before i was even given the chance to refuse."

without a doubt, marco's shirt was tailored with the utmost boyfriend material. this may anger some of y’all, but out of the men of the 104th, this man has to be one of the best when it comes to relationships. the epitome of perfection, dare i say. beautiful boy. 

there was probably a lot of pining going on before the two of you decided to get together, if we’re being honest. during your three years of cadet training, marco’s crush on you was absolutely and utterly hopeless. at least, that’s what he thought. the guys didn’t do much to help, either. instead of encouraging him, they teased him. after all, who the hell’s dumb enough to fall in love in a place like this? after all, you’re practically training for your own death. and while marco knew that, that didn’t make his feelings toward you any less intrusive. even while watching you swing from tree to tree during ODM training, he still caught himself gawking at your absolite effortless beauty, earning himself quite the scolding from his own conscious. hell, one time, you caught him staring at you during training, and he face planted into a tree. that time, it was commander shadis that gave him the scolding. which,, is always terrifying. 

before and during your guys’ relationship, marco’s love language is an endless amount of consolation. of course, this goes for everyone, but especially you. seeing you hopless is something that he doesn’t ever want to have to say, so with that being said, he does everything in his power to keep your spirits lifted. and if you’re ever down, he’ll know. you can’t hide your feelings from this man, he’s far too intuitive for his own good. and even if you’re fine, he’ll still go above and beyond with his words of affirmation. it’s who he is. 

during your trainee days, you spent a lot of time with him, jean, sasha, and connie. no matter the circumstances, that was your crowd. really, it was just a huddle of idiot teenagers half-assedly working to become soldiers. even so, they were the ones that got you through it. 

^ honestly, if it weren’t for marco’s constant encouragement, you likely would have quit the training to go work on the farmlands. whenever you tell him that, though, he sheepishly shuts you down, contradicting his own denial through the very thing that made you a shoulder.

“you’re giving me too much credit, y’know. i may have chipped in, but it was you that got you to where you are now. it always was, and it always will be.” 

yeah, this freckled bastard is your go-to therapist. half of the time, you don’t even go to him for help; he comes to you. it’s like he has this sense, or something- no matter how far apart the two of you are, he can feel whenever it is you’re unhappy. perhaps his intuition is just that good, or the two of you are simply soulmates, linked together through delicate intertwinement. quietly, marco believes the latter. back to the main topic of discussion, though. one of his main objectives is to solve whatever problems you may have, even if they have absolutely nothing to do with him. no matter the circumstances, it’s his duty to keep that sweet, soothing smile on your face. without it, his world is dull. 

love letters. yeah, that’s right. for his safety within the boy’s barracks, he’s asked that you keep them a secret,, but marco writes you one to two love letters a month. it isn’t a dramatic amount, and they aren’t all that lengthy, but they never fail to get you to swoon. he’s got a way with words, and when it comes to the likes of you, they’re as passionate as ever. really, he could go on and on about you, page after page, and never find himself getting bored. with every fiber of his being, he’s absolutely smitten over you.

of course, though, the letters don’t start making an appearance until after the two of you establish your relationship. which, as always, i’ll leave that up to you! however, it was probably some time during the end of your time as cadet trainees. after three whole years of helplessly pining for you, i can see him gathering enough courage to actually confess to you. with jean’s encouragement, of course (even though it was more like pRessurinG plspls). 

it can get a little overbearing at times, but marco likes to try and help you with everything and anything. you can’t quite reach that top shelf? don’t worry, he’s got you. struggling with your gear? alright, what’s the problem, he’ll fix it. you’re taking an extra moment to count horses, and he’s already rushing to lend a helping hand. at some point, you’ll have to communicate that although it’s sweet that he’s always trying to make things easier for you, he’ll have to give you the chance to actually learn a thing or do. once you do, he’ll take literally everything into consideration, and try his hardest to stop himself whenever there’s a possible learning exercise in your way. 

cheek kisses! an endless amount, at that. out of everywhere on your body, marco favors your cheeks, if he could, he’d pepper them in kisses all day long. unfortunately, though, he can’t, so he’ll stick to sneaking in little pecks in between every other hour of the day. the two of you live for those moments where he cups either side of your face, plants a sweet kiss onto your cheek, and rushed back to finish whatever it was he was meant to be doing. as expected, they always manage to leave you craving more. 

ah, jean. the third wheel you never fucking asked for. he’s such a pest, and marco refuses to get rid of him, literally ever. with that being said, he’s practically an honorary member of your guys’ relationship. the amount of times you and marco have been cozied up together on the sofa only to be very rudely interrupted by jean sLipping in between the two of you is ridiculous. you and your boyfriend have cancelled dates for this man, simply because he doesn’t want to be alone. typically, it’s jean giving marco the puppy dog eyes, and then in suite, marco giving you the puppy dog eyes, which you simply cannot resist. 

honestly, it’s nearly impossible to get this man jealous. you’ve tried, it should not be as difficult as it is. of course, i said nearly impossible. really, marco’s funny when he gets jelly. he isn’t overly edgy, or agGressive with you- he’s more,, chaotically conflicted. one night, you were feeling a bit more committed to the cause, so you mindlessly sat on reiner’s lap during dinner in the mess hall. marco, who was busy rough-housing with jean, choked. 

"iSTHATCOMFORTABLEORSOMETHING-"

reiner: 🧍‍♂️

during the quiet of the night, you enjoy tenderly kissing each and every one of his freckles you can see. starting with the ones dusted along his face, to his shoulders, to his arms, and so on. usually, marco's far too tired to fully react, but he's always softly smiling, silently admiring you while a hand tangles itself within the locks of your hair.

it's been confirmed that marco's a big brother, so that's definitely a thing. even if you've only been together for a short amount of time at this point, marco would want you to meet his family. after all, he's quite literally in love with you. why not start the formalities earlier than necessary? even if you don't make too good of an impression, he's sure that one day, his family will be one that you're apart of. he wouldn't have it any other way.

he's flustered easily. the smallest thing could happen, and he's red in the face, stumbling over his words, all of it. of course, you only find it endearing. rake your fingers through his hair while he's a blushing mess, you'll never get enough of it. beneath your touch, he crumbles.

one night, after a rougher session of training, you took hold of marco's busted and blistered knuckles, which had been dirtied on the field. while he thought nothing of it, you moved them to your lips, planting a sweet kiss along the bridge as a form of comfort. he absolutely melted, and it was the birth of a beautiful pattern. whenever his fists are battered, your kiss mends them right back together.

during chores, you and him tend to hum together in sync. it's a surprisingly pleasing harmony, and it's become a shared habit to make up silly melodies to hum to whenever you run out. and whenever you're in need of comfort, expect to hear him quietly humming one of the songs the two of you made up while softly rubbing your back. vice versa, as well.

one time, you raspberried his bare stomach. he's never felt so violated in his life. another time, he did the same to you, and the fact that you laughed? yeah, it's an often occurrence. raspberries are real in this relationship, bitch.

[jalebi-weds-bluetooth]

Hi Dear Jalebi, I demand your analysis :)   What are your thoughts on IPKKND might have some typical track if the audience, TRP, actors departure didn't influence it otherwise? Let me explain, IPKKND was supposed to have a longer office track (that wasn't common though, I would've loved it) but the TRP was low, so Shantivan track was introduced. Then, I read that, Sana Maqbul (Lavanya) wanted to quit IPKKND, that's why the quick breakup???

Is that why they didn't give us the COMMON AF *jealousy and hero's ex GF turns villain* track? Then again, Anjali was jealous and sad about Khushi after the first reveal of Shyam, and it looked like track about Didi Ki Saut was beginning. But again ratings dropped and the fandom didn't react well (kinda protested), Anjali quickly stopped showing jealousy and Dadi was introduced to give ArShi a common saas-bahu vibe.

Hello Dear Analysis Anon!

I am going to over answer this with a lot of detail because I have a lot of thoughts, as always! Time to get into my thinking cape/coat:

This analysis is going to cover:

(1) every example you just mentioned,

(2) my thoughts on external things affecting plot of the story,

(3) things/plots/ tracks that could've been if not for external factors

Examples

1) IPKKND was supposed to have a longer office track (that wasn't common though, I would've loved it) but the TRP was low, so Shantivan track was introduced

As far as I can remember from one of the writers' interviews, the office track was cut short because this was a show on Star Plus - which, as a channel, caters to 'family audience' therefore needs to have sanskaar and stuff at its core. Hence the rude shortening of the office track and weird 'makeover' and 'desi-dying' Lavanya. And hence we had a very weird four months of an eighteen-twenty years old Khushi teaching someone about sanskaars and suddenly knowing everything about a household when Bua-ji or even Payal would've been a more apt choice for this 'tutoring'.

If this was a Star One show, they might've not shifted out of the office for the longest time!

2) Sana Maqbul (Lavanya) wanted to quit IPKKND, that's why the quick breakup??? Is that why they didn't give us the COMMON AF *jealousy and hero's ex GF turns villain* track?

I did not know that's why the quick end happened. Honestly that happened perfectly. I think Lavanya had an inkling about their relationship heading south right when Arnav told everyone he's getting engaged to her. But she chooses to not see it until one day she couldn't. Maybe we could've gotten more from La but if you see carefully, La clearly knows that this relationship is now just for face. Bless her heart for trying though, trying with a smile!

Also, again I think the writers never thought of making Lavanya a vamp. They had enough material with Arnav-Khushi's own differences, Shyam and Buaji playing enough roles to mess up Arnav-Khushi's love story. I probably think they always had planned Lavanya as a beautiful person who was unintentionally caught in all of this. I feel they planned La and Khushi's friendship - they clearly enjoyed writing two completely different people becoming closest of friends.

The writers/creators deserve full credit for this.

3) Then again, Anjali was jealous and sad about Khushi after the first reveal of Shyam, and it looked like track about Didi Ki Saut was beginning. But again ratings dropped and the fandom didn't react well (kinda protested), Anjali quickly stopped showing jealousy and Dadi was introduced to give ArShi a common saas-bahu vibe.

This is all true.

My Thoughts on External Things Affecting Plot

It's not necessarily bad that external things affect plot. Feedback, from channel or fans, can help the show to pivot and understand what is working and what's not. The problem is when feedback is implemented regardless whether or not it matches the theme of the plot.

I loved:

1) The channel moving out of the office because the power dynamic was too great and the contract terms were very unhealthy and Arnav Singh Raizada deserved to get sued at least 10 times by the end of this contract so yes, the shorter the office track the better. Literally the saving grace is they didn't "fall in love" there.

2) The fans protesting against Didi Ki Saut track. Not because I hated the track - I think it was executed in the worst manner! From identical visual languages to show Arnav-Anjali and Arnav-Khushi scenes (which didn't work to show Arnav being equally torn between the two most important women in his life, but just made the audience get creeped by Arnav-Anjali's relationship) and writing scenes of Anjali getting offended by Arnav-Khushi's intimacy/Arnav spending time with his wife, on her birthday, in his bedroom... did she expect Khushi would just *disappear* in a her and Arnav's bedroom? Like that was the worst way to show a compelling plot line and giving people some weird thoughts about Anjali-Arnav (which I hate because I LOVE Anjali-Arnav).

3) Barun walking out when the plot was literally done. Yes, thank you!

4) Barun going to do a movie led to the kidnapping track, which I liked a lot. No, not the nonsense of Manorama Bond fishing out Delhi's security camera footages in vintage recording system - but the fact that given the chasm and angst between Arnav & Khushi, only something bigger than their misunderstanding could force Arnav to give weight to his feelings and for Khushi to be able to forgive him. And his life was at stake. It was a sharp reminder to both of them that they lost so much by not communicating that it doesn't matter what they had to say - they loved each other, they just needed to get back and fight off everything together.

And then again, there are things I HATED that happened because of external factors:

1) The channel for the whole La becomes Desi. And the overdose of sanskaar and tradition that followed for a few months *uggggh* Clearly the channel demanded this from the plot because family, traditions and all are important to Star Plus (wtf are they thinking for Ghum Hai Kisi Ke? though or YRKKH?) And even the Aarav track and Mrs. India - two tracks with terrible execution - were very Star Plus recommended content. Just now Saath Nibhana Saathiya 2 had a Mrs. Surat/Gujarat track and Yeh Hai Chaahatein had a miracle child popping up...

2) The fans demanding Arnav & Khushi's proximity. The whole hut scene was *noooooo*. Lack of consent, body doubles, GLARING logical loopholes and them just trying to do it when one of them is really not in the mood and they were both so out of character. @phati-sari explains this really well in her post (just search for the hut to get all relevant posts on her blog)

3) Barun? Not exactly - he's never in control of the plot so really it's the writers that kinda know what to do with his presence and absence. Even if they get a short time, it's upto the creators who know if they use the last 2-3 weeks for stretching a random track as much as they can and give a rushed ending or quickly wrap up a crap track and give a satisfactory ending. A good example of this is Lavanya's exit - although rushed was dealt with grace, important conversations and memorable hugs. Bad one is the end of the show - I know Barun gave his papers but I wish they went the La way with the end of the show - important convos, teary hugs and a sweet moment (they tried their best tho...)

It's an ITV trend though to not plan for the end of a show... they stretch a crappy track as much as they can and have like a 2 min epilogue. Kasautii 2.0 was the funniest cause they had all misconceptions cleared, Komolika and Mr. Bajaj die and then have a weird 2 min pillow fight to show 'happy family'... guess in that way I'm glad we had whatever we did with IPKKND!

Possible Tracks Then

So if external factors didn't influence the show, we might have had the following:

1) A longer office track. It would end the way it did in canon though. I think it was prewritten that at one point Khushi would tear up the contract and hold him accountable for everything Arnav did. Just instead of 3-4 days it would've been 10-15 days after the contract.

2) Didi Ki Saut track. Honestly that was compelling if executed right. Sometimes you can have an antagonist without becoming a villain, Anjali the perfect character for that.

3) A separation track. I'm pretty sure Arnav-Khushi could have separated at some point in their six months marriage - this is just my inkling and not something I heard in an interview unlike the above two. If given full reign to writing, we probably would've gotten an angst heavy stuff at some point post marriage/6 months.

4) A remarriage track sans Dadi. We know why Dadi was introduced (honestly I didn't mind her, it was a track done well and kinda to redeem Arnav in front of the public eyes. It's a perfect track cause Arnav is 'nice' for standing up for her and kinda heals the wounds he caused in the first few months of the marriage by retorting someone who tells Khushi everything he told her...) But anyway I do think a remarriage was in the works, not because of TRPs but the way their whole 'marriage' was framed and how Khushi was broken because of the lack of everything in it. And they deserved one w/o the devastation that night brought.

5) The 'marriage' would've been a live in. Arnav and Khushi's elopement was supposed to be darker in nature*. Their 'marriage' would've had no religious nor legal validity, therefore a stark contradiction to everything Khushi stood for... but you can't have that in ITV. *By dark I don't mean sexual violence - never.*

6) The whole IPKKND was meant to be darker. I am glad for the romantic comedy though! I think their balance of angst and comedy pre marriage was perfect! Not sure post marriage because it felt like a loop of going back to square one with no progress. But I think things were meant to be less subtle, more tragic and dramatized. So I think we could've gotten extremely angsty periods post marriage with a slow, gentle lull to the romance/comedy. While I am extremely glad for the lightheartedness, I wish I could've read what the whole original concept for Arnav/Khushi was!

7) Arnav revealing the truth to Khushi would've been different. We know the distasteful suicide track quickly came as a way to push Arnav's buttons and have him confess the truth of his elopement to Khushi. And that came from Barun going away - hence the quick kidnapping track and everything. So if Barun didn't go away, I honestly don't know how the revelation would happen. Would Arnav start piecing things together from information and things about Shyam in Laxminagar? Would Arnav end up helping and hospitalizing Shashi who would tell him the truth? Would Arnav come across any hidden wedding card Buaji could've had printed for Shyam-Khushi or even Shyam's fake kundili? Given the Gupta house wasn't the place where Shyam covered his tracks... was this where Arnav would start seeing things? Or guilt ridden, would Garima/Khushi/Madhumati tell Arnav the truth? Something was meant to happen for this revelation, whether it's Arnav believing Khushi or just getting further evidence against her - I... don't know! I wish I knew what the writers had in store.

We highly appreciate for not showing a typical Nanand against Bhaabi trope, also for not making La villain, but would it result differently if things didn't have a hand? Imma cry thinking Anjali jealous and La villain! meh!  What a feast for the eyes it was to see ONLY ONE VILLAIN and less negativity in a tellywood show. Baas bohut hua my casual verbiage. By demand I mean no pressure, please take your valuable time and reply whenever you feel like it.Take Loads of Care and Chocolates your way <3

I hope the above answered all your queries :) Thank you for all the chocolates and care!!!

Phew this was rather long! A big hug to anyone who went through it! See ya later!

- Jalebi

[willgrahymn]

Two Love

I’m not gonna lie, this is probably some of the gayest shit I’ve ever written.

Summary: In the silence of the night, it feels like there's nothing but them. Loving oneself is not an easy task, and loving another takes work. If we can't love ourselves now though, we can at least love each other. Maybe then we will realize our own worth. Virgil and Roman know this well.

Word count: 2019

Tags: romantic prinxiety, (domestic) fluff, light angst, human au, living together, non-sexual intimacy, cuddling, communication, and marriage proposal ✨

As always, I’ll reblog with a link to this on ao3 :]!

-

“I wish you knew how lovable you are,” Virgil whispered into the silence.

Roman didn’t respond, biting his lower lip and not once opening his eyes. Virgil frowned, lightly tracing the tattoos on the other man’s chest, stopping to place his palm against the beating of his heart.

The room was quiet besides the sound of the heat coming through the vents and the occasional car passing by outside. Virgil sighed, laying his head against his love. He was warm, too, and he wished he never had to get out of bed again. It wasn’t like the way he wished during a depressive episode though. This was different; it was cozier, and more like home. He closed his eyes as he felt a hand begin to play with the hair at the base of his neck, and made a mental note to trim it later.

“I love you,” he mumbled, his lips ghosting against his boyfriend’s skin. He thought watching the rise and fall of his stomach, breathing in and out, was what made him want to say it.

“I know you do,” Roman responded, and Virgil could hear the tired smile in his voice, “I love you too. You’re perfect.”

“I’m anything but.”

“Then you’re perfect for me.”

Virgil decided he was happy to settle for that.

Roman continued to play with the dark strands before kissing the long magenta bangs that normally covered his boyfriend’s eyes. And he smiled because his hair smelled like the same raspberry-scented shampoo that he washed his hair with not long ago. If there was anything Roman believed he could do well, it was making his boyfriend feel cared for. He deserved it, and the way Virgil always leaned into his touch like a cat receiving ear scratches whenever he rubbed the shampoo into his scalp was something he simply couldn’t pass up when the opportunity arose.

He was beautiful now in Roman’s arms, and he would be beautiful when he woke up in the morning with his hair messed up going every which way. He would be beautiful when black makeup stained his face in tear tracks and he asked Roman if they could go home after a failed night out. There would not be a time when he was not beautiful, because he never gave Roman a reason to see him as anything less than that. He was a work of art. Frayed at the edges, sure, but he remained invaluable nonetheless.

Blinking slowly, Roman watched as his love shifted to meet his gaze. Dark eyes shining in the moonlight that seeped in through their window blinds. They were as gorgeous as the rest of him, he thought.

“What is it, my Night Light?”

“Oh, nothing,” he smirked, “I was just admiring.”

Roman rolled his eyes, a mix of fondness and instinctual doubt settling in his gut. “You see me every day, you’ll tire of me eventually.” He tried.

“We already went through the phase of being sick of each other when we first met, you’re not getting rid of me now.” Virgil teased, and before Roman could think of something else to say to distract from his statement, he started to speak again softer this time. “I meant what I said earlier, about how you’re so much more lovable than you know. I care about you.”

Virgil took a deep breath. He didn’t consider himself good at this sort of thing, but the weight of Roman’s fingers lacing between his own and pulling him closer was reassurance enough.

“I love you, Roman, and I… I just hope that one day, you’ll fall in love with yourself in the same way I did. You deserve to feel like you’re worth it.”

Roman stared at him, his mouth barely open as he replayed the words in his head. He knew Virgil, knew that he was always more on the pessimistic side, and didn’t try to get his hopes up about things to come. Still, he hoped for him. A hand rested against his cheek, thumb brushing lightly against his lips. Virgil smiled, and his heart felt full.

“Thank you,” he said. “I hope that one day you’ll wake up and face yourself in the mirror, and be able to value yourself as much as I do. It’s only fair.”

He took his partner’s hand, kissing his palm. Even in the darkness of their room, he could still see Virgil’s eyes go wide before hiding his face against his chest. It was cute, but he could tease him about that later. For now, though, he just felt lucky that he was allowed to see him like this. No walls up, and no fake dark persona to make sure others would leave him alone. He was just honest, authentic Virgil, and that was all that Roman wanted.

“I could spend a thousand lifetimes with you and it still wouldn’t be enough.” He admitted. “I would relive all the bad days where we didn’t get along, all the bad days where we doubted ourselves, as long as I knew it would bring me back here just like this with you.”

Virgil stared at him, curious and adoring. “You’re a madman.”

“Nothing compared to my brother,” Roman laughed, “but I guess you might be right. If I didn’t think straight before I certainly don’t now.”

Virgil rolled his eyes, a fond smile on his lips. He pulled himself up, face to face with the hopelessly romantic man he’d fallen in love with, dark eyes staring through thick lashes.

With some hesitance, Roman asked. “Have you ever thought about wanting to get married someday? It’s okay if not, I know right now might not be the perfect time to bring it up, but… it came to mind, I guess.”

He held his breath as Virgil considered. He didn’t want to be pushy. All he knew was that if asked, he would accept that commitment, and not dream of another. Because Virgil wasn’t like any of the partners he had known before. He was gentle and rough, sweet and sour, and Roman loved his contradictions. He loved to be loved in a way he could understand.

“Maybe not right now,” Virgil finally replied, “but I’d be happy with that. With you.”

Roman nodded, kissing him on the nose and appreciating the way Virgil’s eyes crinkled when he did.

“That’s okay,” he smiled, and it was the truth. “I just need you to know that if you’re ever ready for that, I’ll be here. I’d love to call you my husband if you’d let me. One of us can surprise the other with a proposal someday, but before that, I want us both to be ready.”

Virgil blinked, slow like a cat. Maybe these kinds of conversations were better left until morning.

“Thank you. I’d uh, I’d like that though, eventually.”

Smiling, Roman closed his eyes. He always dreamed of grand fairytale weddings and proposals, but this, this was good too. Fitting for them. It wasn’t Disney, but they made it work.

Pulling the blanket further over them, Virgil kissed his prince’s cheek only to be pulled into a proper one right after. Soft and slow, Virgil felt Roman’s lips quirk as his hand grazed the rose tattooed at his hip.

Then, he asked. “Of all the people you could choose to love, why me?”

“I think you’re the only one who really gets me,” Roman said, nuzzling into his lover’s shoulder and breathing in the faint scent of lavender. “You smell good.”

Virgil laughed silently, and Roman felt his body shake against him. He could feel that same butterfly-like sensation in his stomach from when he first started thinking of him as more than a friend.

“I think you’re the only person who can understand me though… not in an edgy teenager way, but like with my issues. People see me, but not in the way you do. You’re the one who drove halfway across town to drag my sorry ass out of bed after my ex dumped me and helped me realize it was a good thing. You helped me get out of my comfort zone and experiment with makeup too. I guess in a way, you make me better. And if you can love me with all the flaws that I have, then I can love yours too.”

“Oh,” he whispered, “I didn’t know that.”

“Well, you deserve to. You may be as dark and gloomy as a live-action Batman movie, but you still make my world a little brighter.”

“You’re a dork.”

Roman gasped, pulling back and holding his hand to his chest as if he had just touched a hot stove. “You’re so mean!”

Virgil shrugged, and Roman could practically hear the unspoken ‘it’s what I do best.’ It seemed that in all the years he had known him, he figured out how to decipher the mystery of a man hidden under all that black and purple emo attire.

It was 12:27 AM, at least that’s what the clock sitting on their bedside table told them. Virgil was used to being up late, insomnia and all, but since they started living together Roman insisted he come to bed at the same time every night. He appreciated it though. He liked getting ready for bed together and the weight of Roman falling asleep against him. He didn’t want to admit it, but it helped.

The room was nearly silent, the heat turned off long ago. The quiet sounds of rustling pillows and blankets were the only thing to be heard. Warm breaths lingered on Roman’s skin making his hair rise as soft lips met his jaw. He wondered if Virgil remembered watching him scrub violet lipstick off his face in the theater's dressing room while he giggled like a kid at a carnival. If he asked, Virgil would have told him there was a reason he preferred darker shades.

“Do you think we’ll have kids someday?”

“Don’t push it, Princey. You haven’t even decided if you want to adopt a cat or a dog yet.”

“Still! Could you imagine us as dads? We could have Disney movie nights. We already do that, I know, but we could do it with our kid. I’m perfectly fine with just being pet parents, but could you imagine?”

“I can, actually, and now I’m going to be worrying about our non-existent child and their not yet existing future until I fall asleep.”

Roman glared at him before rolling onto his side. All too familiar with the silly things he did, Virgil waited in anticipation and was pleasantly surprised when Roman finally lunged back over, attacking him with a kiss and laughing against his lips.

“You said not yet existing,” he grinned, “which implies that there will be one eventually.”

Virgil sighed, running his fingers through his partner’s hair. “You’re not getting me to agree to adopt a child in the middle of the night, Ro.”

Humming, Roman nodded an ‘okay’ and let the subject go for now. Virgil didn’t even think before he spoke again.

“I want a future with you, Roman, you know that.”

The softness in his eyes was one Virgil would do anything to protect, and he smiled as Roman snuggled into his chest. He loved him, and with the sound of his heart beating in his ears he was sure that he would do anything it took to keep him safe.

“Get some rest, Sleepy Beauty,” he whispered. “You deserve it.”

In the morning, they would both wake up with their legs intertwined, knowing that they could stay in bed all morning because neither had work that day. Roman would get up first, and Virgil would admire him as he stretched. When Virgil finally did pull himself out of bed and found his future-husband in the kitchen making french toast, he would slump against his back and leave a kiss between his shoulders.

And maybe life was never going to be easy, but that could be okay. Step by step, stroke by stroke, they’d make it through as each other’s sword and shield.

[thoughts-on-bangtan]

Just an observation. The vminnies were being fed pretty heavily since the beginning of the year, and now the content seems somewhat focused on the other pairings (mainly involving JM & JK). This is not shipper narrative but what we are being shown. Why do you think this happens? We definitely don’t need weekly content aligning with our ship of choice, but it is something I have noticed from the time vmin caught my attention. Editing truly can mess with your head, not to mention when it jumps all over the timeline. I have to say, as great as Let’s BTS was, it left me scratching my head more. The entire group’s reaction was all over the place, and sorry JM was rather distant.

Hi everyone,

Since Admin 1 is very busy again, I’ll (Admin 2) answer instead.

It's true, I agree with the anon. All the content we receive is edited and by design is supposed to show us all the members and their interactions. However, depending on what we focus on, we will see our chosen members more than others. In this case our chosen members are Jimin and Taehyung, so naturally in every content we get, we notice their interactions with the members most, or lack thereof. One thing that’s important to keep in mind is that we don’t know why things are edited the way they are, be it to make them funnier, so scenes that are less funny get cut, or more serious, so scenes that are not serious are cut, etc. Does that mean the editors were told to cycle through “feeding” different ships? No. It just depends on which members interactions happened and which fit the mood of the content best, or which added more to the point/theme/message of the content.

Admin 1 wrote a post about a similar topic (as in the “no screen time = no bond” paradox) some time ago which you can read here.

Even if a specific piece of content has more interactions between, like you gave as example, Jimin and JK, that doesn’t mean it is this way for the sake of shippers, but that perhaps their interactions were ones that fit the episode best, but whatever else is interpreted into that, that’s only on the shippers and their narratives and often does not have anything to do with the actual interaction itself. Notice how some will take the most inconsequential interaction and turn it into the biggest romantic gesture ever, and yet gestures that really show a form of gentleness or “intimacy”, like Taehyung taking Jimin’s cold hand and touching it to his cheek, are ignored or drowned out or belittled even though, subjectively, interactions like these show us something that very much is significant.

So while we might get more interactions between members X and Y, the type of interaction is what makes the difference. As well as the choices editors made for whatever reason, but those reasons have nothing to do with romance. Bhit and the editors for their different content are not a dating agency and BTS content isn’t part of a larger “romantic” show like, I don’t know, Love Island.

Furthermore, we already had this conversation so many times, and Admin 1 also already asked for questions insinuating these types of things, to stop because it makes us feel like a broken record. We have to learn to differentiate between normal interactions between friends and those that actually hold more significance, because most interactions are just interactions between best friends and any romantic vibes and implications are projected onto them by those that want them to be this way. If you watch content through a more OT7 lens, these interactions will just be funny to you and you won’t think of them as “ship” interactions. After all, even OT7s noticed how much more significant Taehyung’s words to Jimin in Let’s BTS were while they laughed at how Jimin’s request from JK was like a typical thing between best friends/brothers. Only their shippers decided that their “I’m hyungs copycat” message has deeply romantic implications, because that’s what they wanted from that scene.

Besides if you pay attention to what happens in shipper spaces, when there are more vmin moments with clear implications pointing toward them being more, immediately other shippers jump into action to show that their ship supposedly has way more romantic interactions than whatever vmin did. Even if they are the only ones who see things like that. It’s treated as competition, which is unhealthy and misses the point.

Let's BTS was very interesting and funny and, in places, very controversial when it comes to shippers.

I've read a lot of different reactions. From the very nice and sweet reaction of OT7s to Taehyung's words over to unpleasant and even offensive opinions from shippers of other ML ships.

According to Jk*okers, Taehyung acted inappropriately and intrusively, in the opinion of Tk*okers this letter was actually somehow meant toward JK etc. the list goes on and on.

In my opinion, Jimin was not distant. Jimin was nervous and a bit surprised, but also behaved a bit as if he knew what to expect.

I think that: If Jimin hadn't agreed with Taehyung's words and all of his actions, we would never have seen it, the way Jin asked the You Quiz editors to cut large parts of his answers as well. The program was not live, it was edited, had music in the background to set the mood, and so on. As example the letter was blurred out for dramatic effect or because a request for that was made, we might never know, but if the translation of the content of the card being for Jimin’s eyes only was the right one, then it would be the latter option. If this situation had not been welcomed and okay with Jimin, it probably would not have been aired in this form and instead replaced by something else, redone, or a million other options. Jimin was visibly nervous, maybe a bit embarrassed, he wanted this situation to "pass" as quickly as possible, but he was definitely not distant or anything else that has a negative implication/connotation.

On the other hand, I personally saw some satisfaction on Jimin's face. Let's not pretend that not everyone would be happy to receive such a message from the most beautiful man in the world (lol). Taehyung spoke honestly about his feelings (“Jimin-ah, I like you the most”) and Jimin reacted the way he did. He didn't know what to do, whether to laugh or cry or run away from nervousness, but there was no negative reaction on his part. Jimin, with a very serious face and focused eyes, replied clearly by saying “Thank you, Taehyung, I also like you a lot”. He wouldn’t say that if he was distant, or if he wouldn’t feel that way or if he didn’t like the situation or Taehyung’s words.

Now firmly putting on my delulu hat just to be sure: In my opinion there was something important on this piece of paper but phrased in a way that wouldn’t cause any weird thoughts in the KBS staff (since those cards were clearly written and prepared by the same person and not the members themselves since the handwriting was the same) but that Jimin would understand. Taehyung and Jimin know each other long enough to communicate things toward each other in a manner that only they will understand the implication of something, I’m certain of that. Jimin's words were an answer to Taehyung's “confession” and while outwardly they didn’t seem as weighted as Taehyung’s, I wouldn’t be surprised if they did hold a deeper meaning that only the two of them understood. Maybe it has something to do with the ring that suddenly appeared on Taehyung's index finger?

Okay, taking my delulu hat off again.

In summary, in my opinion even if certain content has more scenes between Taehyung/Jimin and Z member instead of between the two of them, that doesn’t mean it’s to “feed” other shippers or that it contradicts vmin as what we see them. It all boils down to editing choices and what fits the mood/theme/message etc of the content best and what footage was captured. Also we should watch content as ARMY first and shippers second that way we don’t see other “ship” interactions as “negative” but simply as what they are: cute/funny/interesting interactions between the members, whom we should all love.

And no, Jimin wasn’t distant. He reacted in a way that made sense and fit Jimin, as in his way of keeping private things private and guarding his more affectionate interactions with Taehyung. If he hadn’t liked it or hadn’t agreed with Taehyung’s words, he wouldn’t have told him that he likes him a lot too, but instead he could’ve said something teasing to downplay the situation, or used Yoongi’s screaming and the other members reaction (I talked about those, and especially Jin’s, here) as an out to not say anything at all. But he didn’t. (also, to reiterate what I, and we, have said many times before, if Taehyung/Jimin were romantically involved with someone else, they wouldn’t do these things with their romantic implications, but they do them, so…)

I wish you a nice day or a quiet night, depending on where you are.

[bearlytolerant]

prompt for you: edith asks mason to go with her to see a musical!! bonus points for getting shushed by a fellow audience member. 😏

Thank you my friend for this prompt. Stop sending me fun ideas I can’t handle it! Anyway, I hope you like.

Sensational

Fandom: The Wayhaven Chronicles

Pairing: Edith x Mason

Rating: E (for public blow job in the theater)

Word Count: 1182

AO3

-

Wanna go with me to a musical?

I hate music, remember?

Well yeah but what if we make out and you can drown out all the noise?

Or I can come over and make out at your place. You’ll save money.

😑

😏

Okay hear me out. How about I buy these tickets and support the local community while we also make out.

…

I’ll sweeten the pot. Let you get to second base?

I’ll be there.

Perfect. See you there Friday at 8.

–

It’s Friday and Mason can’t believe he’s standing in line at the concessions. At a theater. For a goddamn musical.

There’s people everywhere, pushing in on all sides and he feels like he’s standing in the middle of an ant hill. Everyone’s feelings and general presence are like a million legs crawling up his body. It itches but on the inside.

“The things I do for you,” he mutters.

Edith grins and it’s ridiculous that for some reason, that grin makes all of this worth it. She curls her fingers in his, yanking him close to kiss his cheek.

“I am appreciative,” she tells him.

They’re next in line and she hands over cash in exchange for a small coffee and a bag of honey mustard pretzel nuggets. Weaving their way through the masses, he breathes a sigh of relief when they reach their seats, shadowed in the darkest recesses of the theater. Edith fiddles with her pockets while balancing her drink and snack.

“Can you hold these a sec?” She shoves her shit his direction and he takes it before it drops to the ground. “Well crap. These seat numbers are so hard to read.”

He glances over her shoulder. “Last two on the end. Straight ahead.” He points with a shoulder.

“Thanks. Must be nice to see in the dark.”

“It’s not that dark.”

“Maybe not to you,” she says, taking her drink and snack back.

He follows her as she shuffles down the aisle. They sit. Get comfortable or as comfortable as they can in ancient metal seats with the thinnest shred of material covering them. Edith brushes her arm up against him and the stupid show starts.

He grits his teeth together as the music swells and sends vibrations through his limbs.

“You okay?”

She wraps an arm around him, spreading her palm across his back. His teeth unclench and he breathes deep.

“Yeah,” he says and it’s no lie.

She gently runs her fingers back and forth, a soothing sensation as the first number comes to an end. He glances down at her. Her musical has only just begun and he wants to kiss her—no, find an empty space away from everyone to do more than that. But she’s not even looking at him, eyes focused on the stage. It only makes him want her more. Her fingers crawl up his back and one twirls a lock of his hair around and around.

“What do you think,” she asks.

“That you’re beautiful.”

“What?” He’s got her attention now. “I meant the musical.

He shrugs.

“Shhh,” says the couple in front of them.

Edith giggles quietly against his chest. “That’s Mrs. Miller,” she whispers to where only he can hear. “She was my choir teacher.”

“No shit.” Mason smirks.

Then his lips are on hers and he really doesn’t give a fuck about the choir teacher who wants them to be quiet. His hands explore her neck, her back, her thighs and slip under her shirt sprawling his fingers across her stomach.

She lets out the smallest gasp but balls her fists up in the fabric of his shirt, pulling him as close as possible.

“You keep this up,” he says, “and you might get to third base.”

“I’m looking to get a home run, buttercup.”

He laughs. Too loud. And clearly not at the right time. Mrs choir lady is glaring at him again.

“Don’t stop what you’re doing on her account.” Mason already misses Edith’s lips on his, hand on his thigh.

“Shhh,” Edith tells him and she’s out of her seat, wedging between his legs and–

“Fuck,” he splutters.

“Really?” asks lady who can’t mind her own damn business. “If you’re going to continue to be disruptive–“

Her partner wraps an arm around her shoulders and his words aren’t for Mason’s ears. “Let them have their fun Millie. Remember when we couldn’t keep our hands to ourselves?”

“It’s disruptive,” she argues.

And Mason doesn’t catch whatever else the guy has to say because his zipper’s down and Edith’s lips are incredibly warm wrapped around his tip and she’s going slow.

He grips the arm rests on either side of him, grateful there’s not a single soul in their immediate row. Though he’s pretty certain the guy two aisles over has interest in their business. He shoots him a knowing look and that guy melts further down into his seat, eyes staring straight ahead and–

Fuck.

Mason’s attention is back on Edith, who is far more entertaining to watch than this musical. His fist flies to his mouth, teeth on knuckles and maybe drawing blood, to keep from letting out a groan that could rival the soprano belting high notes onstage. His senses are overwhelmed, frazzled on the fringes but her mouth is so wet and warm and–

He utters silent blasphemy and bucks into Edith’s mouth. Her hands squeeze, holding him in place, applying extra pressure and his eyes roll back and he almost forgets he’s in a theater full of a bunch of people. She uses her tongue to her advantage and he wishes she wouldn’t and wishes she would use it more. He is a mess of contradictions but eventually settles on the thought of don’t. stop.

“Mmm,” she says and even after she’s bent him completely and utterly to her will, even after she leaves him shattered and a little overexposed, even after she’s drawn every sensation from him, she keeps sucking.

“Edith.” He’s somewhere between this world and the next.

Undead but dying again.

She raises her chin. Meeting his hazy gaze, an omniscient smirk gracing her perfect lips. She’s been spending too much time with him. His influence has rubbed off on her but she looks so good wearing it.

“I need to use the restroom,” she says, zipping him back up. She stands.

He reaches for her. “Me too.”

“Well then, come on.” She locks her fingers with his and leads him out of the theater.

-

Much later he is home, in their bed, combing fingers through her hair. Enjoying the sensation of skin on skin.

“What did you think of the musical?”

“Ten out of ten, would do it again.”

“Oh yeah? What was your favorite part?”

“That soprano who could hold that high note.”

She laughs and kisses his chest. Then they fall into their familiar rhythm, a routine of laughter and talking and love-making. It’s been two years of this and still she sinks her sun into his skin. And he wants it–to bask in her warmth forever.

“I love you so much,” she says.

Still foreign sometimes but with each repetition becoming natural, he replies, “I love you too.”