#|| regis is far from perfect but he's trying :')

[monarchborn]

Regis fell silent, not sure if he should feel relieved or not. Noctis wasn't actually angry with him, of course, but his boy was hurting and frustrated and that was much worse to him. He had never meant to be negligent, never meant to avoid his son, who needed guidance too. Not from a King, but from a father.

"It's far from selfish, son. Had we been a normal family it would've been the bare minimum," he offered, not wanting Noctis to think that he had no right to want his own father's attention and time. Regis was busy, but he couldn't deny that he had been somewhat of a coward too. He loved Noctis more than anyone and to know his fate haunted him day and night. Sometimes it seemed that he forgot that his son wasn't actually dead yet.

Had he truly given up? Perhaps he really was an old fool, as Clarus affectionately told him from time to time.

"You are right. I will arrange something for us. It's been a while since we went on a fishing trip, hasn't it?" Rather, the last time it had happened was when Noctis was eight and it was just another thing that haunted him. Perhaps they could stay inside the walls – there were some ponds here and there that could be useable. It was mostly to get away from the Citadel and spend some time together. Hopefully it would replace the somewhat sour memory of their last fishing trip together as well.

"Those old coots should be able to manage a day without me," he was referring to the council, though his words weren't said with malice. He couldn't stop himself from feeling exasperated because of them though. They liked to drive him up the wall more often than not.

"How does that sound?" and he'd try to be around more too in general. He shouldn't waste these precious years without being around his son. He had duties as a King, but he also had duties as a father and it was something he shouldn't have forgotten in the first place.

Despite his frustration, Noctis remained close behind his father as they walked – close enough to catch him should the man stumble or fall. He knew his father wasn't as steady on his feet as he used to be, but he wasn't going to offer his support unless it was needed. He didn't care if the Crownsguard thought him cold – his father was too proud and too stubborn to appreciate the gesture.

Still, he kept his gaze on him just in case.

He felt a little more calm when they entered the man's office. He'd always preferred it to the throne room. It was more personal. In this room, more often than not, he was dealing with his father instead of the King. He'd spent a lot of time in there when he was younger, taking his homework or something to work on while his father attended to his paperwork. It hadn't mattered to him if they talked much, he'd just wanted to spend time with him.

Noctis watched his father for a moment before joining him on the couch. How many times had he fallen asleep on it back when he was young? A lot, he supposed. He'd often wake up back in his own bed so he assumed his father must have carried him. He looked over at the photos his father was showing him. The woman in them was so familiar, yet at the same time she was practically a stranger.

He didn't remember her very well. He'd been so young when she'd died that all he knew of her was from stories and photographs. He didn't remember anything about her from his own memory. He wished he remembered. A lot of people told him that he looked like her. There was no denying that she'd loved him though. That much was evident from the way she was looking at him in the pictures.

The same was true of his father, it seemed, as he flicked through the pictures. None of them were staged for the media. They were all private moments captured behind closed doors. Not of a king and prince, but a father and son.

"I know that. I know we're at war. The people need you." Noctis had tried to put aside his own needs. He'd tried to be a good, selfless prince, but he was a teenager. He was at that stage in life where he was uncertain about just about everything. A lot of his life had already been set out for him, but he still needed guidance. Not from an advisor, but from a father. "But sometimes I need you too."

He let out a soft sigh as he relaxed against the couch, the album open on his lap to a picture of himself and his father. He looked to be about five or six and he was on his father's back, arms wrapped around his shoulders as he beamed at the camera.

"I...I love you too...I just...wish you were around more. I know that's selfish of me, but I do."

[twelvebooksstuff]

Some Jurassic Park Daily Reflection-ft Life Finds A Way

I know I’m a few days late to when this chapter was the assigned reading, but I’m still going to make a post about this specific part of the book. I want to highlight the quote in the post title “Life…Finds A Way”. This small phrase has essentially become the slogan of the whole entire franchise, and arguably taken on a life of its own (no pun intended). So I want to talk a bit about the scene where we are first introduced to it, before even the iconic scene in the first film, to when we see the equivalent of that scene in the book.

It’s part of a much larger spiel, which is pretty par for the course for Book!Ian Malcolm, who is prone to long diatribes, many paragraphs long, detailing his opinions on everything from fashion to capitalism to natural history and beyond.

Anyway, the scene where this spiel takes place is actually not the scene in the laboratory like in the film, but rather a scene with an injured stegosaurus (triceratops in the movie). Dr. Sattler and Dr. Grant are trying to help the vet Dr. Gerry Harding assist the dinosaur to recovery, and Tim, Lex, Ian, Ed Regis (a PR representative who was not in the film) and Donald Gennaro (the lawyer, who is essentially a different character in the books) are all crowding around, too. Lex gets board and tries to play catch with some of the adults-Gennaro agrees and has a sidebar conversation with Malcolm at the same time. During this conversation, Gennaro essentially says that he thinks Malcolm’s use of chaos theory is too broad (“is anything not predicted by your theory” he point blank asks). He is skeptical, but Malcolm is able to provided specific examples beyond “things are unpredictable”, which Malcolm is able to do, listing many specifics. When trying to explain his underlying perspective, we get the basis memorable monolouge from the film: “The history of evolution is that life escapes all barriers. Life breaks free. Life expands to new territories. Painfully, perhaps even dangerously. But life finds a way…I don’t mean to be philosophical, but there it is.”

What’s most interesting to me is that unlike the pristine lab setting where we get this in the film, Malcolm outside talking to his colleague who’s playing catch with a young kid. Not only does it seem less grandiose, in a way, but it seems to have a more practical application, too. Oftentimes, in the later films or even other media, this idea of “life finds a way” takes on this “humanity will survive” kind of context that feels totally applicable, but a bit disconnected from the film scene imo.

But in the book, the entire spiel is happening over a game of catch, a game that means a lot to Lex, who, not fully known to Ian and Gennaro at this point, is having a very rough time at home. She feels unheard and ignored by all the adults in her life, and excluded even by Tim at points. But in this moment, Gennaro takes the time to indulge her game, and as far as Malcolm’s concerned, the more people to hear him talk, the merrier. In the midst of this hectic tour of a prehistoric zoo, they have found a small moment to connect, to build bonds, to be a community, and that represents the survival of humanity and the human spirit to me in a very visceral way.

It makes all the “life finds a way” tied to humanity exclusively make even more sense, too. Because while Malcolm is talking about things on a grand history scale, he’s also doing so while participating in/witnessing this small human moment, and it’s kind of perfect, in a way.

Anyway, I have a lot of thoughts about this and wanted to share!

[forjustice]

Legendaries Available in ORAS and Which One of My Protags Has Them

Asterisk after name = This Legendary is the Original Legendary, aka the base Legendary from which all Avatars of the Legendary spring. An Avatar is a copy of the Legendary's original self that may be chosen to travel with another Trainer, but the Original Legendary is always the most powerful and being chosen as the Trainer of the Original Legendary is the highest honor.

No asterisk after name = This Legendary is an Avatar.

I'm going off this Legendary list here.

ASTERIA

Rayquaza*--chosen by Rayquaza during the Delta Episode events of Sky Pillar.

Deoxys*--not so much chosen by this one as she was the one who wrestled it into obedience. It's unruly and alien and she has to admit she doesn't fully understand it, but who is she if not someone who enjoys a challenge?

Regice*--frigid and cold, Regice is the opposite of Asteria's bubbly, warm personality, but they're just proof that opposites attract.

Regigigas

Ho-oh

Lugia

Uxie--after years of having thought of herself as not very good at academics, Asteria was beyond honored to have received the blessing of the being of knowledge. She saw it as an auspicious sign for her prospects as a Lorekeeper.

Dialga--they took a liking to her after seeing how hard she worked. It reminded them of their own Yumean people, the Diamond Clan, who always lived with a mindset that time was money/of the essence.

Terrakion--the most feral of the Swords of Justice, Terrakion chose Asteria for the pounding energy she brought to every battle.

Zekrom

Reshiram

Kyurem

Entei

Landorus

Cresselia

BRENDAN

Latios*--the Legendary who had chosen him from birth, Brendan's favorite thing about Latios is that he was the root of Brendan's gender awakening as a trans man.

Registeel*--this is the one that scared him most of the three Legendary Golems, but he can't help that it saw his potential. He wishes he had Regirock instead, but when the gods choose, you have to go along for the ride.

Mesprit--chose Brendan because he was the most in touch with his emotions of the three Heroes. They help him regulate his anxiety.

Giratina--Brendan wasn't chosen by Giratina as much as Volo and Giratina conspired to yeet an Avatar of them into his life because they knew he had issues trusting them due to how terrifying Volo was specifically so they thought to get him used to a Giratinic presence. The Avatar isn't there to cause mischief, in fact so far it's been nothing but friendly, empathetic and helpful, but Volo would be lying if he wasn't deeply amused by how Brendan panics every time Giratina approaches him for something.

Cobalion--Brendan is always floored when a Legendary decides they like him, but he's even more so when it's one as stalwart, noble and steadfast as Cobalion. They really did see the truth about him though: underneath all the anxiety, he has a courageous heart of gold.

Raikou

Tornadus

MAY

Latias*--the Legendary who had chosen her from birth. As stated in her bio, May always knew upon meeting Latias she was special, but one of the reasons Latias chose her is because she knew it wouldn't get to May's head.

Regirock*--the friendliest of the Legendary Golems, Regirock and May get along quite well. Of the Regi-protag pairs, they're the ones who really seem perfect for each other.

Heatran

Azelf

Palkia--they chose her to send an Avatar to because May likes to explore and try new things, which they thought was very much in the spirit of their own Yumean people, the Pearl Clan, who were famed traders and explorers. Since the peoples of Hoenn were also famed traders and explorers, the bond between them is very tight.

Virizion--the most stylish and flamboyant of the Swords of Justice, Virizion decided they liked May for her style. It's now May's job to make them the greatest Contest performer of all the Legendaries.

Suicune

Thundurus

Where are Kyogre and Groudon? Well, as you may recall from the Hoenn Saga document, they're now fused with Archie and Maxie! Brendan, May and Asteria live with them, so they don't really command them, but they will absolutely fight alongside any of the three in battle when called.

[madeimpact]

Characters grappling with nuance / unconditional love on this blog

Sora gaining a more nuanced understanding of morality the older he gets -- work in progress.

Noctis wrapping his head around all the sacrifices, mistakes, missteps that Regis made when he was trying to balance being a good king and a good father. Bearing the hurt from those decisions and loving his father anyway.

Prompto putting on a cheery face because of fear that his flaws / baggage / origins would make him unlovable.

Pit's need to help anyone and everyone when realistically, on a divine scale, he just can't. Learning to live with that. Loving and believing in Palutena even though he knows deep down that the gods are far from perfect.

The mere existence of Dark Pit, an embodiment of gray morality.

Lucas trying to reconcile the idealized image of his father with the deeply flawed man that he actually is.

Shinji failing to recognize when people do extend love to him. Shinji failing to accept love from others. Shinji hating his own flaws, letting them consume him, believing they render him irredeemable and unworthy of love. Shinji needing multiple dang timelines to really figure this out.

Madoka is probably gonna need an exercise in this when she remembers what Homura did in Rebellion.

[clericofshadows]

immortalizing your tags... thoughts to follow under the cut <3

this whole kaidan/zaeed saga for me is about acceptance... acceptance of regis's death, acceptance for the love they all had for each other, and acceptance for what's to come. so of course he's a bit worried about his parents because it's so new, young, and... different. aurelia and eduard were so happy to have regis in his life to help him get through BAaT, so there wasn't much to worry about when they made it official.

adrian my beloved... I need to make a sculpt of him at some point... both him and Atlas tbh

aurelia just wants zaeed to feel welcome <3 it was a fun interaction to write. and local disaster adrian shepard it's a miracle he's made it this far lmao.

regis's specter will never leave, as intwined as they were. always an echo in the background. very fun to weave him in here and there.

I liked writing kaidan and his father especially. both in the alliance and aware of how things work, about the status quo and what's really going on. kaidan is going to try his hardest to make sure that the alliance knows he's out for them if they force another shepard. and eduard would pick up on that as well, knowing how famous he was.

"the old friend in the brass" is my favorite ongoing bit tbh. yep, they were definitely friends~

vik knows all ;) and they thought it would clear the air a bit, show that they accept them as much as they accepted regis and kaidan.

ahhh the blue suns tattoo... I struggled with that part and that caused this to sit in my drafts for months. I didn't want it to come off as conflict for the sake of conflict, but I also didn't want this to be perfect family dinner. so of course he would notice it, and of course kaidan would get mad about it because he wanted this to be perfect. and it gave me an excuse to segue into the motorcycle and proposal spot bit.

regis is a flashy guy, so of course he'll ride something that's utterly ridiculous. and be protective of it. he's def a car guy even if he doesn't want to admit it lol. and a little call back to an earlier kaidan/zaeed fic when zaeed commissioned helmets for them without knowing about their motorcycle hobby <3.

so many good reveals. BAaT. and perhaps my favorite part of vik's reveal as to why they didn't teach regis in this bit of my canon. hannah makes herself the bad guy so often in regis's eyes but she does little to change that... I need to make them talk one day. perhaps in a future ME2 era fic ;)

young regis pics! especially green eyed regis... once he was "free" from his mother he went a bit wild, changing things about himself and becoming the regis we know today. also some backstory to the little flower tattoo I gave Zaeed on his hip <3.

kaidan did want acceptance from hannah, mostly because he loved her son so, so much and didn't want this to come off as something... rushed? inauthentic? an insult? best to find out from him than through the grapevine... although it went far better than expected. mostly because she recognized zaeed and trusts hackett and well... she appreciated kaidan coming to her about it.

and maybe that's my favorite thing about regis's hannah. "find your peace, I wish I could find mine." is this about atlas? her treatment of regis? her constant war between alliance and mother? who knows... not even me

thanks again for your tags, gave me lots of excuses to ramble :D

nothing will shine as bright

Description: Post ME2 Prologue Era--Kaidan brings Zaeed to meet his family, and some of Regis's family is along for the ride.

Title is from The Sun, The Moon, The Star - Æther Realm

Pairing: Kaidan Alenko/Zaeed Massani, past Kaidan Alenko/Male Shepard

Sequel to: so let love reign.

The ride over to his family’s orchard was light.  All of them making meaningless conversation, getting to know each other and catching up.

The way Vik and Zaeed chatted implied a deeper friendship, but Vik was always the type to be able to engage with anyone.  Still, he couldn’t shake the feeling that they knew each other beyond basic Omega business.  Kaidan had made himself comfortable leaning against Zaeed, looking forward to seeing his parents again but also a little worried about how the meeting would go.

A part of him worried about his age–Zaeed was older than his mother but just under his father’s age.  Not that he thought his family would judge him for that, but it was still… a worry.  

His father was a bit of an unknown.  He loved Regis right from the beginning, even after learning what part he played in the action that ended BAaT.  Even considered Regis a son of his before they got together.  It surprised the hell out of Kaidan seeing how well Regis accepted the attention from Eduard Alenko.

Again, Kaidan doubted it would be an issue.  Dad was always the type to trust his judgment and take no bullshit.  Mom seemed to like Zaeed on the vid call, only being caught off guard about how soon it was… Something Kaidan was still a little uncomfortable with if he had to be honest, but Regis more or less blessed their relationship.

Always looking after him, knowing him too damn well.

If all goes well, they’ll make Zaeed an honorary Alenko in no-time.  Zaeed never talked about his family, and Kaidan never wanted to pry just yet. Maybe he’ll like the attention.  Maybe he’ll fight it off.  Time will tell.

Adrian, a good pilot as ever, made the trip smooth and quick, landing the skycar out in the field near the main house.  “We’re here!” he announced, opening the doors with a press of a button.  

They all climbed out of the skycar, getting their bags and heading towards the house, where his mother was waiting with open arms.  “Hope you all had a good trip!” she greeted, walking towards them.  “Good to see you both.” She shook Vik’s hand and gave Adrian a hug.

And then she turned to him, breaking out into a smile.  Kaidan opened his arms, always ready for one of her warm hugs.  “I’m so glad you could make it, sweetie.”

Kaidan smiled.  “Of course.  Always happy to stop by if I can.  Beautiful weather for today!”

“And that’s exactly why your father is grilling out in the back,” she said, pulling away.  She turned to Zaeed.  “Zaeed, was it?  Happy to have you here!” 

“Happy to be here,” he echoed with a nod.  “You have a nice slice of paradise out here.  The kind of gorgeous place I’d like to retire one day.”

“Many generations of our family have been here,” she said, starting to walk back to the house.  “And we always love to host friends and more of the family."

Zaeed looked lost, seemingly not knowing how to reply to that.  His mother could be intense sometimes with her love of hosting, welcoming anyone into her home.  Kaidan reached over and grabbed his hand, following his mother to the house. "She's right, you know.  This may be your first time here, but if you make a good enough impression…" he trailed off grinning. 

"In which I have no doubt you'll be able to do," Vik piped up from behind.  

She laughed. "Tell me if I need to back off and I will.  I'm just happy Kaidan has someone outside of us and the Alliance in this unfortunate mess."

"I'm glad I was able to find the time to be there for him," Zaeed said softly. "It hasn't been easy on me either, hearing the news."

“No, it hasn’t,” she echoed.  She reached over to open the door, but Adrian beat her to it. "You charmer," she chuckled, heading inside. 

"Anyone want anything?  A snack, refreshments… I have all kinds," she said, heading straight for the kitchen. 

The aroma of freshly cooked bread filled the air as he made himself comfortable in the living room, mixed with other dishes being warmed in the oven.  If he had to guess, knowing his mother's preference for comfort food any time she knows he's heading home, there's plenty of baked and fried dishes waiting for him.  

"I think we're alright for now," Adrian said, shutting the door behind him. "Need to save room for that lovely meal!  Already smells amazing in here."

Zaeed sat down on the couch, leaning against he armrest. "Been a minute since I've had a home cooked meal.  Looking forward to it, ma'am."

Kaidan smiled at Zaeed's attempts to make a good impression, already knowing that his mother was bound to rebuke his attempts to be formal if he kept it up. 

"Hope it tastes as good as it smells. Eduard is nearly done, if you want to check up on him," she said, busying herself in the kitchen. "And Zaeed?  No need for that."

"Just trying to be a gentleman," he replied. 

"For me or for Kaidan?" She asked lightly, taking a tray of buns out of the oven.  His father must be grilling burgers if she made those. 

And here comes her way of telling Zaeed to be more casual.  Kaidan remembered when Regis was too formal when he first met his parents, still teenagers healing from BAaT. 

Looking back, it was clear then that Regis wanted something more.  He fell hard for him, but BAaT lingered around him, preventing him from making that first move, always worried that Regis thought worse of him after what he did. 

No, after what they did.  Kaidan may have made the killing blow, but Regis's stasis made it easy for him. 

Something Regis always reminded him of when his thoughts about BAaT kept him awake on sleepless nights. 

He really should tell Zaeed.  

Vik laughed as Kaidan watched Zaeed flounder, trying to figure out a way to respond. "Now, Aurelia, be nice to our guest."

"I am!  Tradition, I swear.  You don't want me calling you 'sir' so there's no need to call me 'ma'am.'" She said, waving a hand towel at him. "But if you insist on being nice, help me out in the kitchen. I could use some extra hands from all of you."

"You don't want me in there," Adrian protested, staying in the armchair.  

"I wasn't talking to you," she laughed as Vik got up, already checking on some of the pots on the stove. "How about you, Zaeed?  Any skills in the kitchen?"

Zaeed walked over, glancing at the filled oven. "I'm good at following a recipe.  But I'm a god–” He coughed.  “I’m good at grilling."

Nice save there, love.  "Mom won't wilt if you say a few curse words.  Remember Regis's mouth?" Kaidan said, joining his mother. “Always tried to exceed the supposed maximum number you can string together.

Kaidan recalled the first time Regis let out a string of curses in front of his parents, damn near burning up on the spot. Eduard burst out laughing and welcomed him to the family. 

She shooed him away. "Go help your father.  I'll order them around.  And he's right.  I'm married to an Alliance soldier, remember?"

"I'll keep that in mind," Zaeed said, giving Kaidan an incredulous expression. 

He shrugged minutely, already heading to the back door to the patio. "Try not to interrogate him too much, Mom."

"That's what the dinner is for!" She called back. She was probably joking. 

Hopefully. 

He was not about to recount the details of how they actually got together.  Especially about Omega. 

Not exactly the smartest place to go, but he and Regis wanted to let loose and well… they definitely did and more. 

His father had the grill going, a platter of burgers already piled up and waiting to be eaten.  Kaidan took a deep breath, inhaling the smell of smoky meat and the clear air outdoors. "Kaidan!  Did Aurelia send you out here?" He greeted, setting down his tongs and opening his arms. 

"She enlisted everyone else to help her finish up," he replied, giving his father a hug. "So that left me here with you."

"Well, I could use a food runner in a bit," he said, gesturing over to the table. "Going to start bringing some plates over."

"Always happy to help," he said, waiting by the grill. 

"How are you doing?" He asked, temporarily shutting the lid. "I know you spoke to your mother yesterday–and introduced your new beau–but I want to hear it from you."

Kaidan sighed, knowing this was bound to pop up. "Doing better day by day.  Zaeed helped me through something I was avoiding, and he's been great.  I think we both needed each other," he admitted. "We had history, you know.  The three of us, I mean."

"Aurelia said," he nodded. "That mysterious shore leave you went on a few years back, hmm?"

"Maybe," Kaidan said, not quite meeting his father's gaze, staring out into the distance, looking at the beautiful fields of his childhood home. "Regis left me a video that we watched together, and he damn near outright stated that he wanted Zaeed and I to get back together.  Basically gave me the blessing to move on."

"He knew you too well.  I guess you stayed close with him after your short leave?  I remember that you weren't off long." His father’s tone betrayed no judgment.  

"Not like you're probably thinking.  Stayed friends.  Met up a handful of times for drinks.  Nothing more until…" Kaidan trailed off, closing his eyes.  "We were Alliance soldiers and he was a merc that mostly roamed the Terminus system.  It couldn't have worked out."

"But it does now?" He asked, a knowing look in his eye. "Or else you wouldn't have brought him here.  Hell, it took you how long to invite Regis over?"

"Longer than it should've," he reluctantly admitted. "Things were a lot different then.  That's not a good comparison to make."

His father winced. "Sorry.  Does he know?" 

There’s only one thing he will be asking about here.  

"No.  Not yet.  I've been thinking of telling him while we're here."

"Don't rush it if you aren't comfortable."

"It's not that," Kaidan said. "He's seen my biotics.  He's not the type to judge, and I know he's not going to judge.  No, it's just…" he shook his head. "I've never told anyone about BAaT without Regis being there with me.  And we both wanted to tell him about it together."

And now we can't. 

"He was with me the whole time.  Yeah, at the time I had eyes on Rahna, and I know that hurt him. But he stepped up alongside me when Vyrnnus went too far and continued to support me in everything after. Everyone else there feared me, feared what we could do.  But Regis?" Kaidan let out a sigh, wondering if he should admit to his father what Regis said to him many times while reminiscing about BAaT. 

"He would've traded places with you," his father finished for him, coming to a realization. "Is that it?"

Kaidan nodded. "Yeah," he said, his voice breaking.  He cleared his throat, trying to regain his composure despite knowing his father wouldn't judge, not here, not now, not ever.  "Always pissed me off when he would say that, but I also knew where he was coming from.  After joining the Alliance, I understood the type of man he could be."

"Ruthless bastard with a heart of gold?" he asked, a smile gracing his features. "Dealt with a few of those types."

"Something like that," Kaidan couldn't help but laugh. "And now the Alliance wants another soldier like him."

"Is that what your meetings were about?  What are you going to do?"

"Become an N. Work closely with Admiral Hackett concerning high profile missions. Finish Regis's dream of better regimens and opportunities for biotics within the Alliance,” Kaidan explained.  His father opened up the grill and motioned for him to grab another plate.

“A very ambitious ideal.  Is this something you’re doing for yourself or because the Alliance wants you to?” His father took the ribs off the grill.

Kaidan replied, taking the now filled plate over to the table and grabbing another.  “To answer your question: I made sure to do this on my own terms.  The Alliance still wants Regis, but I’m going to make damn sure that they cut that shit out.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if they start using his likeness as a damn recruitment tool,” he muttered, filling up another plate.  

“Neither would I, and honestly I don’t think even Hannah could put a stop to it,” Kaidan said bitterly.  He arranged the plates on the table, covering them with foil to keep them warm. 

“Coming through!” Kaidan turned to see Zaeed holding the door open for Adrian, who was holding a heavy casserole dish of baked mac and cheese. 

“I see she made you the food runner,” Kaidan chuckled, pointing to an open spot on the table.

“You know I can’t cook, so this is the best I can do,” Adrian said, setting the dish down.  

“At this point, all you have to do is watch the food,” His father said, shaking his head. 

Adrian shrugged.  “Do you want good food or not?”

He rolled his eyes, turning to Zaeed who was still hanging out by the door.  “Zaeed, was it?”

He nodded, finally making his way over to join them.  He stood next to Kaidan, keeping a bit of distance between them.  Kaidan pressed himself up against Zaeed, wrapping an arm around his shoulders, squeezing him in close before letting go, trying to get him to chill out and relax around his parents.  “Dad, meet Zaeed Massani.”

“Eduard Alenko.  It’s my pleasure,” His father replied, setting down his utensils and wiping his hands down with a towel.  He held out his hand.

Zaeed shook his hand.  “Good to meet you, Eduard.  Beautiful place you have here.”

He smiled.  “That always seems to be the first thing people say.  And it’s true.”

Kaidan laced his fingers with Zaeed’s.  He gave him a smile in response, looking at him with open fondness.  

“So, you’re my son’s new beau.  You see, Kaidan here was a bit cagey on how you met.” Kaidan blushed at his father’s words.  “But he did mention you’re a merc.”

Zaeed glanced over at him before clearing his throat.  “I am, yes.  Mostly out in Terminus, occasionally in Citadel space.  These days I’m keeping an ear close to the ground, after all the shit that has happened.”

Seems he has already taken Kaidan’s words to heart.  

His father nodded.  “All I care about is knowing that my son has someone that’s not family out there with him.  Someone to keep an eye on him out in the black.”  He gave Zaeed a knowing look.

“I’m aware of exactly what Kaidan’s going back out there for, so I can do more than that,” he replied with a nod, not shying away from his father’s piercing gaze.  

“Do you have Alliance connections?”

“Have an old friend in the brass,” Zaeed said, keeping it vague.  Kaidan had a feeling his father would be grilling him about it later.  “Has its benefits, on occasion.”

His father finished plating up the hotdogs, sending Kaidan off to bring them to the table.  He shut the grill down for now.  “I’m sure it does.  I don’t like that my son is getting back out there so soon.”

“Neither do I, Dad, but… I need to do something. After what we saw, after what I saw… something big could be coming.”

“And everyone is blind to it.  Not like we can expect anything different.”

“Amen to that.”

The next few minutes were a flurry of dishes and food, such a large spread for the small group, but Mom would make sure they all head home with some leftovers and well wishes.  To his surprise, she even made a set of asari pies using fruit native to Thessia, an exorbitant cost that didn’t escape Vik’s notice.  

“You are a treasure on this planet,” they said, recognising the recipe as they brought them to the table.  “Did you happen to know this is my favorite?”

“I didn’t!  But I’m glad it is.  I’ve been wanting to try out some recipes and when I heard you were coming down I had to try it out. Hopefully it tastes good.  I promise I won’t be offended if you don’t like it,” his mother replied, sitting down at the table next to Kaidan.  Zaeed took the other seat next to Kaidan, and Adrian, Vik, and his father sat across from them.  

“I doubt that will be the case.  The few times I’ve been here, the food has been excellent.  Some of this is admittedly new to me.  Earth comfort food is what Adrian called it,” Vik replied, starting to grab food as they passed the dishes around.  

“We thought it would be a good menu to have.  Simple, but good,” his father said.  

“And many of these were Regis’s favorites,” Adrian said softly, placing a hand over Vik’s.  They smiled at him in return.  “I thank you for that.  He would have loved this.”

“Yeah, he really would,” Kaidan echoed.  “Didn’t escape my notice either.  Thank you.”

“Remember when we ordered that takeout that claimed to be ‘authentic Earth-American burgers,’” Zaeed started, the attention now on him.  “And Regis took one bite and biotically tossed the whole bag across the room?”

Kaidan laughed, stopping mid-bite.  “Yes!  I thought he was going to march to that restaurant and demand our credits back.”

“What stopped him?” his father asked.  

“Didn’t want to leave the room,” Zaeed chuckled. 

“So, you met on shore leave…” she started, trailing off.  “Willing to share any more details?”

“Yes,” Vik agreed, looking at the two of them.  Kaidan shared a look with Zaeed, who kept his expression carefully blank.  “Remind me when that shore leave was?”

Kaidan wasn’t about to lie to Vik, who was damn good at sniffing them out.  Likely from their many years of working on Omega.  “Going by the Earth calendar?  October of 2180.”

Vik smirked.  “You cheeky little bastards.  And you didn’t visit me?  Ah, I had to hear all about your adventures from the gossip.”

Kaidan shook his head as the table erupted in discussion.  Always stirring up trouble, Vik.  It’s why they and Adrian fit so damn well together.  “You were on Omega?” His father asked.  “Explains how you ran into a terminus merc.”

His mother shook her head, laughing softly.  “So you two were being scandalous, is that what Vikram is saying?”

Zaeed looked like he wanted to disappear, but he recovered quickly.  “They brought me in, hook, line, and sinker,” he leaned in close.  “Wouldn’t have had it any other way.” 

“Dammit, Zee,” Kaidan muttered, feeling his cheeks heat up.  Zaeed mouthed the nickname, tilted his head to the side, and kissed him on the cheek.  His mother cooed at their affection.

All good signs so far.  Doesn’t mean he won’t escape a grilling later.

“So, you’re saying it's a story a mother doesn’t need to hear about her son.  Got it.” She laughed, pulling Kaidan into a hug.  “Must have been a good trip if you stayed friends.”

“It was,” Kaidan finally recovered, leaning into his mother’s hug before breaking apart.  “And Vik?  Sorry for not visiting.”

“I’m just playing, darling.  I suppose I should offer my own apology for revealing your hand.  Just couldn’t resist,” they trailed off with a knowing grin.  “Come on, if you can survive me, you can survive this relationship.”

Adrian lifted up his drink in response.  Vik did the same, clinking their bottles together.

“What’s that supposed to mean, Vik?  Thought we were friends!” Zaeed said, shaking his head.

“Friends until they can fuck with you,” Adrian said with a knowing look. Vik punched him lightly on the shoulder. 

“No comment,” Vik replied.  “This food is excellent by the way.”  Both his mother and father beamed at the compliment.  

The conversation stilled as they dug into the food, making light chatter.  Zaeed managed to integrate himself well, fitting into their dynamic damn near seamlessly.

As they slowed down, the conversation changed.  “So, Zaeed, where are you from?” His mother asked.

Kaidan didn’t even know the answer to that.  

“All around.  I was a traveler.  Tried out a few different paths, even Alliance at one point,” Zaeed began. “I stayed out of the FCW, but I did eventually venture out in the black.  Found myself in Terminus, and here we are.”

“Is that where you got the Suns’ tattoo?” his father asked, touching the bare skin of his neck, the same spot where Zaeed’s tattoo was.  The air became tense.  Adrian and Vik both froze, waiting for Zaeed’s response.  His mother placed her hand on top of his father’s, giving him one of her signature eyebrow raises.  

Zaeed didn’t flinch at the question.  Instead, he leaned forward.  “Nothing escapes your notice, huh?  Waiting for a good moment to ask?”  His father opened his mouth to reply, his expression carefully neutral, but Zaeed beat him to it, waving it off.  “It’s not something I’m ashamed of.  Kaidan and Regis were both aware.  Hell, I was waiting for someone to point it out.”

Kaidan placed his hand on top of his.  Zaeed twisted his hand so that their fingers would be laced together.  “Zaeed was one of the founders,” Kaidan said in lieu of his boyfriend, making it clear that he’s well aware of his past.  “But that is history.”

“Never said it was current,” his father said, not quite backing down.  Not that he blamed him.  Kaidan and Regis both knew about his past, about Vido.  Not all the details but enough.  “I thought Batarians founded the Suns?”

The Suns’ logo isn’t obscure, but he knew it didn’t escape Adrian’s notice for sure.  He shouldn’t judge, and maybe that’s what they talked about after Kaidan and Vik talked about the T’Soni footage.  He may play at being a fancy civilian pilot, but he smuggles as much as he does legit runs.   

He should’ve known his father would recognize it.  Maybe his mother did too, not wanting to cause a stir. 

“It has long since become a goddamn cesspool,” Zaeed spat out.  Talking about the Suns was almost always a sore spot with him.  “Did we create it under the greatest of morals?  No.  I wasn’t a good man then.”  I’m not a good man now, Kaidan heard.  “It’s a part of me, and I won’t deny it.  Judge me if you want, but it’s a reminder that I survived.  Yes, you're right. The official story is that the Batarians founded it, but only after I was betrayed when I didn't want to employ them and get involved in their trades.” He pointed to the scar on his face, never letting go of Kaidan’s grip.  “I love your son.  I loved and still love the one you probably considered one too. And my biggest goddamn regret is not saying any of this shit sooner.”

Fuck.  They hadn’t said it to each other yet, but the feelings were understood, underneath the surface.  

“I love him too.  And my heart will never forget Regis.  Isn’t that what this get-together was supposed to be about?  Celebrating and remembering him?  Zaeed is a part of that.  He is a part of me,” Kaidan said, raising his voice.  “Of us.  And if you judge him, you judge Regis.”

His parents didn’t immediately respond, both seemingly at war with themselves.  Vik looked like they wanted to say something, but Adrian shook his head, stopping them.

Kaidan clenched his jaw.  “I’m going to get some air.  Thanks for the meal.”  He stood up and put his napkin on the table, ignoring his parents' protests.

He found himself halfway over to the barn where he and Regis kept their motorcycles.  He thought back to the damn helmets Zaeed had made for them, not even knowing about their hobby but wanting them to share in his.  Yet another thing that had in common.  Yet another thing that would’ve made their relationship great.  

Footsteps crunched the leaves behind him, and he whirled around to see Zaeed, hands stuffed in his jacket pockets.  “Wasn’t about to leave you alone.”

“Leaving me alone probably would’ve made them judge you even more,” he sighed, leaning against the wall of the barn.  “I’m sorry.”

“I wouldn’t make them the damn bad guys yet,” he said softly.  “Just worried about their son who lost the love of his life and is shacking up with a guy damn near twice his age.”

“Well, I’ll give them more to talk about.”  Kaidan unlatched the door of the barn and headed inside.  “Let’s go for a fucking ride.”

“The motorcycles you talked about earlier,” Zaeed realized as he followed him inside.

Kaidan pulled off the tarp that covered the bikes.  Regis’s red and black monster and Kaidan’s blue and silver slim machine looked as new and as clean as they were when they bought them a few years ago.

Same condition as they were when they drove off in the country after they returned home to tell the Alenkos the news of their Normandy notification.

“Fucking beautiful machines,” Zaeed breathed, leaning up against him. “You two were holding out on me. Damn, the helmet gifts were selfish on my part, but now I definitely realize how accurate they were.”

Kaidan kissed him on the cheek. “Thoughtful without even knowing it.  Regis was a stickler with his monster. I may have ridden it maybe twice as the driver.” He closed his eyes and let out a breath. “But he isn't here to bitch to me about it, so we're going to take his Alchemy for a ride.”

“I can hear him now,” Zaeed said, his voice rough. “Yeah, let's piss him off.”

Kaidan grabbed his helmet from the cabinet and passed a spare one to Zaeed.  They weren't in the best gear for riding, but nothing a quick flash forge of tech armor won't fix in a pinch. 

His codes still worked and the motorcycle roared to life in a loud purr.  All he could hear was the shout Regis would let out every time he got on his bike. 

Zaeed whistled. “If I didn't know him I'd say he was compensating for something.” 

“It's so ridiculous,” Kaidan agreed with a laugh, ignoring the wetness that started to gather around his eyes. “He loved it.”

“Yeah, I'm sure he did.”

Kaidan hopped on and Zaeed got on behind him, wrapping his arms around and resting his helmeted head on his shoulder.  A mirror to earlier today. 

With one last deep breath, Kaidan took off and drove towards the dirt road leading to the back of the property heading into the country. 

– –

They drove in silence, only letting the sound of Alchemy’s roar fill the air.  Zaeed never asked where Kaidan was planning on going, but he did have a destination in mind. 

About thirty minutes out is a little clearing next to a small pond, a short walk from the road. A favorite spot of Regis’s, due to the large, lone apple tree that provided a perfect bit of shade. 

A secret haven for the locals.  Many initials have been carved into that tree or at the wooden table and benches that have made their way over to the spot. 

A slice of life he wants to show Zaeed. 

The air was cool and slowly the sun was starting to set, but Kaidan didn't care.  He needed to get away for a moment, to get away from the judging, but loving eyes of his family and take Zaeed for himself.

Soon enough, they arrived and Kaidan parked Regis's motorcycle off to the side, powering it back down with his omnitool, the roar of the motor quieting down.  It felt like he was silencing Regis and his spirit.

“That's one damn good bike,” Zaeed said, unwrapping himself from Kaidan and stepping down from the bike, taking off his helmet. “I can see why he's so protective over it.”

“It amazes me he never went into engineering.  He just… forged his own path,” Kaidan said, running his hand down the side of the warm machine before taking off his own helmet.  He reached out for Zaeed's hand. “Follow me.”

He was a grounding presence as they walked the well-worn trail heading to the peaceful clearing, footsteps crunching the leaves and a soft breeze rustling amongst the trees.  Kaidan took in a deep breath, smelling the outdoors that was his home.

But it didn’t quite feel like home without Regis taking this trip with him.  

Zaeed was making it easier.

The trees parted to reveal the clearing, and Kaidan led him over to one of the picnic tables closest to the apple tree, sitting down with a sign.  Zaeed settled against him, wrapping an arm around him and pulling him in close to his side.   Kaidan rested his head on his shoulder, closing his eyes.  “I shouldn’t have stormed off.”

Zaeed let out a snort.  “Well, it led you to bringing me here, so it can’t have been that terrible of a decision.” “No, I guess not.  They would’ve heard that beast of his and immediately knew where we were going.  Fuck, I miss him.”  He let out a shuddering breath, trying to hold back the sob that threatened to escape.  

“This is where he wanted to propose, wasn’t it?” Zaeed asked.

“Yeah, it sure as shit was.  Look,” he pointed with a shaky hand.  “We even carved our initials on that tree.”

Many couples had done the same. His and Regis’s were near the heart of the tree.

“You sure did,” Zaeed said softly.  “Excuse me.”  Kaidan wanted to argue as Zaeed stood up, but he watched him find a spot just underneath their initials and added his own with a dagger carefully hidden in his boot.  He put his name above Regis so it was sandwiched between them.  

He was the glue that brought them all together in the end.

When Zaeed sat back down and put his arm around him, Kaidan broke, sobbing into his chest, thinking back to that damn video, that damn ring, that damn Regis.

Zaeed held him tightly, and Kaidan chose to ignore the wetness he felt on his head from where Zaeed was resting his chin.  Silent sobs wracked them both in the heart of the Canadian country, as the sun set and the stars that became Regis’s grave started to twinkle and shine.

But nothing will shine as bright as Regis and his biotics, a beacon on both the battlefield and in their hearts.  

Distantly, he heard the roar of a motorcycle, and they slowly broke apart, still holding each other tightly.  His omnitool pinged and he checked it while wiping his eyes.

Dad: May we join you?

Mom: We took your bike.  Sorry if I messed with your settings.  I have some of the Thessian pie, if you two just want some of that and we can go.

“Think we all should talk,” Zaeed said, clearing his throat.

Kaidan nodded, not exactly trusting his voice right now.

Kaidan: Come on over.  If you have tissues or at least napkins… that will be appreciated.

Mom: We sure do.

Kaidan didn’t reply, and tried to steel himself and regain some of his composure before his parents entered the clearing.  He knew this is where his mother proposed to his father, a little jewel of the country.  It’s a damn shame the apples weren’t in season.

Another thing he so desperately wanted to share with Zaeed.  Another thing he wanted to share with Regis once more.

They didn’t break apart for one moment, listening to each other’s heart beat, listening to the other’s breathing.  In and out.  One second at a time.

The tell-tale sound of footsteps traveling on leaves filled the air, and his mother and father approached them.  His mother was holding a picnic basket, while his father carried a small cooler.  

“Oh, sweetheart,” his mother said, rushing over to put the basket on the table and passing him and Zaeed some tissues.  “I’m so sorry.”

“No,” Kaidan said, his voice rough.  “I’m–”

“You don’t have a damn thing to apologize for,” his father interrupted.  “If anything it’s–”

“No one’s apologizing for a fucking thing,” Zaeed said with a finaility, all attention on him.  “So, let’s cry about Regis, eat some damn good pie, and see where it goes.”

Kaidan started to laugh, which initially sounded like a sob, his shoulders shaking until the laugh bubbled out of him, a loud bark utterly unlike him.  Zaeed joined him, squeezing him tight, and soon enough, they were all laughing.  Kaidan ignored the tears that sprung in his eyes, blaming them on the laughter.

Hope you’re happy, wherever you are, my love.  And also cursing my name for taking out your Alchemy.

When everything calmed and quieted down, his parents reintroduced themselves, Zaeed did the same, and was frank about his tattoo.  “I may not be a Suns any longer, but I do run a similar way of life.  That goddamn way of life brought me to Regis and Kaidan, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.  And now with all the shit that’s going on in the galaxy…”

“You can’t hang up your gun just yet,” his father guessed, and Zaeed nodded.

“And I also made a promise to keep an eye on him.  Can’t do that if I don’t have my goddamn gun.”  Kaidan leaned in to kiss his cheek, smiling at Zaeed’s words.  They must be a blotchy, wrecked mess, but he didn’t care.

His mother busied herself into passing out the pie and some bottled drinks.  Just water, knowing they had to ride back to the property in the dark.  “Vik and Adrian offered to come, but we didn’t know if you wanted a full party here.”

“Maybe not,” Kaidan said, taking the plate with a nod of thanks.  “You took my bike?”

“Aurelia insisted,” his father shrugged.

She nodded. “Been a while since your girl has been out. Quicksilver needed some love. Lord knows Alchemy did.  Think he's yelling at you right now?”

Kaidan paused mid bite, tilting his head to the side. “I don't know, actually.  Maybe the sight of Zaeed riding it with me could've made him pause.” He sniffed, setting down the pie and reaching for a clean tissue to blow his nose.  Reaching back for the pie, he took a bite, humming at the sour, juicy taste of the fruit.  “He would’ve loved this too.”

“Right, he always liked sour things,” his father said.  “Him and his weird obsession with hard lemonade, for one.”

Even his parents noticed that odd fact about him.  Sure, he would enjoy mixed drinks filled with syrup and fruit, but he’d always ask for hard lemonade if someone was buying or grab a case or two when it was their time to buy drinks.  

“He got that from Hannah,” Kaidan replied.  “Always bugged me that he never shared my taste for alcohol.”

“Make that our taste,” Zaeed said in between bites.  “This is excellent, by the way.  What did Vik think?”

“Asked for the recipe immediately,” his mother laughed.  “Said it was one of the best interpretations of the pie they’ve had in years.  And I got the feeling they meant decades.”

“Likely so,” Zaeed replied.  “Vik’s been around.  And well, I wouldn’t exactly be here without them.  Sort of.”

“Really?” Kaidan asked. “I could tell you both knew each other beyond passing.”

He rubbed at the scar on his face. “You already know that Hackett helped me out after I was betrayed.  Vik was the one that healed me up.”

Kaidan already knew all the other details.  How exactly he was betrayed.  His drive for revenge. This adds even more context. Probably even helped explain why Vik also accepted them so readily. 

“The same Hackett that is overseeing your new orders?” His father asked. “Small galaxy.”

Kaidan nodded, finishing his slice of pie. “Yeah, same person. Threw me for a loop when Zee told me about their past. Just means we have a good group here.”

“That it does,” his mother said, cleaning up the table and putting the dirty plates in the basket. 

“Vik made it clear about their own thoughts on our little… grilling of you, Zaeed. And I know you said no apologies, but I'm sorry for putting you on the spot about your past,” his father turned to Zaeed. 

“Like I said, it's fine. I don't blame you one goddamn bit. Thanks for letting me come.”

“It was no trouble,” she said. “Now, are you boys going to head back with us or enjoy the night air for a little longer?”

Kaidan looked over at Zaeed. “There's one more thing I'd like to talk about before we go. About… how I met Regis.”

To his relief, his parents didn't react other than a nod and wishes for a safe drive once they’re on their way, along with a message so they know when to expect them.  Zaeed looked at him curiously, but he didn’t protest until his parents were well out of their sight.

“Am I missing something?” He asked.  “I thought you two met in biotic training.  Unless you wanted some more alone time…” he trailed off, but his concerned look didn’t leave despite his suggestive comment.

Kaidan scooted closer to him on the bench, resting his head on his shoulder.  “That’s the easy way to put it.”  He took a deep breath, and he launched into the story of BAaT.  Of meeting Regis and Rahna and everyone else.  Kids under the wrath of a turian merc.  Kaidan’s own attitude and where that got him.  The friendship he formed with Regis early on, never noticing Regis’s feelings for him until after BAaT.  

Zaeed stayed a silent, steady presence next to him as he continued on, talking about their treatment.  The conditions they were under, the injuries many of them sustained, the lack of care all for results.  The red sand that was introduced for some.  Kaidan got very little.

Regis got a hell of a lot more.

“Explains why he smoked those damn Astras,” Zaeed interrupted.  “Always wondered how he got into that habit.”

Vik got him into it as a safe way to deal with the cravings.  They didn’t expect him to start using them more recreationally.  Kaidan wished he still had that old lighter that Regis gave him to hold onto so that he had to go through him for cravings. 

Even if he could light the damn things easily with his omnitool, he never did.  He was in control of his habit to an extent.  Kaidan can’t really say anything, though.

When Regis would smoke, Kaidan would share with him.

Kaidan nodded.  “Yeah, they dosed us to see the limits of what we could do.  It stopped after they overdosed one of the students.  Claimed it was a result of the implant, but we all knew what really happened.   Eezo overload and implant failure.”

Zaeed cursed, shaking his head.  “And something tells me there’s worse shit you haven’t told me about.”

Kaidan couldn’t help but laugh, which prompted Zaeed to let out another curse.  “I’m getting there.”

There was no use delaying it.  All the kids who had to use their biotics to build something.  The glass of water offered to Rahna, who reached out with her arm.

Kaidan springing to her defense after Vyrnnus broke her arm.  The talon to his face and then–a stasis.  But too late, as Kaidan already primed his kick and somehow snapped his neck despite Regis’s field.

The aftermath was easier to talk about now, with Regis’s words echoing in the back of his mind.  None of this was your fault.  We all wanted something to happen to him.  One day, they will see it like I do.

I wish it was me in your place instead.

When they took you away, I promised I would look out for you.  That hasn’t changed.

That will never change.

When Kaidan finished telling Zaeed about BAaT, he noticed a meteor streak across the sky, a bright white line that quickly faded into nothing.  He wasn’t sure what it meant, but he’d take any sign that Regis was out there.  “And there he is, still looking out for me.  Maybe he wasn’t pissed off about Alchemy.”

“You said he made you a promise, Regis doesn't break them lightly,” Zaeed said, looking up at the sky, waiting for a sign of his own, perhaps. 

“No,” Kaidan’s voice hitched.  “No, he doesn’t.”

Zaeed was quiet for a moment before pulling him into a hug. “I could tell how fucking hard that was to tell me.  I'm sorry you went through that. You both were goddamn kids.”

“Thanks,” Kaidan said, returning his hug and not letting go just yet. “It was just… a heavy burden to have weighing on us. Regis got off easy in comparison, and he tried to make sure I didn't let anyone get to me afterwards.” He closed his eyes. “That's when I knew he loved me.  Still took him a couple of years to make the first move. I was too scared, still too afraid of what I could be.  I could've worked through it on my own eventually, but he made sure I didn't have to do it alone.” Yet again, he could feel tears gathering. 

“And you aren't alone now. Not as long as you have me, godammit.”

“I love you.  Thank you for being here.”

“I love you, too. Thank you for letting me in.”

– – 

The drive back was quiet, their flash-forged tech armor helping to light the way on the dark roads that led back to his family’s property. 

Vik was waiting for them at the barn, sitting on one of the stools in front of the workbench. “Everything okay?” They asked. 

Kaidan powered down Alchemy after parking it next to his Quicksilver, deconstructing his tech armor. “Been better, but we're good.  Thanks for waiting on us.”

“Don't mention it.  Get some sleep, darling. Remember, you're also here to learn some new tricks before you get back out there.”

“Don't worry, I haven't forgotten,” Kaidan tried to return their grin, but it felt forced.  Vik luckily didn't comment on it. 

“And Zaeed, you are welcome to watch,” they said with a knowing look. 

“Might have to take you up on that.  I love seeing biotics in action.”

“You'll get plenty of that. Just remember whose home you are staying in,” they chuckled, and Kaidan felt his cheeks heat up at Zaeed's gaze. 

“Thanks Vik,” Kaidan rolled his eyes. 

“Anytime. Adrian helped get your old bedroom in order. All you have to do is get some sleep,” they repeated again with a pointed look. “I won't lie and say I was silent after you two left, but I think tensions were high solely because of who we were remembering.”

Kaidan was sure Vik was being tactful, and his parents did say that Vik got a few words in. “Regis wanted me–us–to move on.”

“I know.  My kid clearly cared for the both of you, and I wish he told me about you three,” Vik said, looking at them both. “But he's always been a secretive sort.  You should probably tell Hannah about this.  I think she’d appreciate knowing another aspect of her son.”

Would she?  Hannah approved of them, seemingly happy Regis found someone that managed to get him in the Alliance he was so seemingly against back when they first met and were talking about their lives and dreams.  Sometimes Kaidan wondered if his drive to join the Alliance caused Regis to do the same, knowing he had his own plans with his cybernetics education.

But Regis was happy in the Alliance.  Despite Torfan.  Despite his mother’s reaction.  Despite… the beacon.

Kaidan wasn’t sure how she’d react to him moving on so fast, even if he does give the extra details, send a few pictures, and bring Adrian and Vik in on this to help his case.

It’s a conversation he will have to have soon.

“I’ll talk to her,” Kaidan said, motioning for Zaeed to help him cover the bike.  “I had a meeting with her first about what to do next.”

“How was that?” Vik asked.  “I’ve only talked to her once since… the funeral.”  Still hard for them all to say.

“Fine, if a little… well.  You know,” Kaidan said, making a so-so gesture.  Vik nodded along.  They understood.  “I have her support in many ways, though.” “Personally and professionally.  Good,” Vik said with a nod.  “Well, I shouldn’t keep you.  Need you to be well rested.”

“Should I be worried?”

“No, I imagine you’ll be a good student.  Reaving, bubbles, and fields can take a lot out of you, so we’ll need plenty of calories. Especialy you.”  Vik got up from the stool.  “Which means if Zaeed is a good boyfriend, he’ll be supplying that for you.”

“Well, if the Alenkos will let me take over their grill, I’ll be a good boyfriend,” Zaeed said, grabbing his hand and tugging on it to urge Kaidan along.  

“So does that make Adrian a terrible partner because he doesn’t do that for you?” Kaidan asked.

Vik laughed.  “I love him with all my heart.  Keep him as far away from a kitchen as possible.  He makes up for it in other ways, and well, we don’t burn as many calories in comparison.”

“Huh, I didn’t know that,” he admitted, locking up the barn and making sure everything was powered down.  

“Younger maidens, yes,” they said.  “They need more energy to grow, just like your teenagers and young adults.  But once we mature beyond that, it evens out.  It’s still not the same caloric deficit.  I had to learn a lot of adjustments on the fly after BAaT.”  After they said the name of the program, they stopped and looked at Kaidan.  “Sorry, does he?”

“He does,” Zaeed answered.  “Just learned about it.  Fucking hell.”

“Couldn’t have said it better myself.”

“Not that it’s any of my goddamn business…” Zaeed trailed off, looking at Kaidan and Vik.  He knew where this was going.

Vik interrupted, “Why didn’t I teach Regis?”

Zaeed nodded, glancing over at Kaidan.  He returned his gaze with a nod, hoping that it told him he was fine with the question.  Kaidan honestly didn’t know, and he never asked Regis about it.  Considering Regis was always a little pissed at the whole situation every time it was brought up, it wasn’t something worth pursuing.  They were here now, and Regis tended to not dwell much on alternatives.  What happened, happened, and he was going to deal with it.

Well, with Regis’s unhealthy tendencies to hold a hell of a grudge.  What he would give to hear Regis rant again…

“Politics,” they damn near spat, the venom evident.  Kaidan wasn’t surprised.  It made sense.  After all, humanity’s biotics were all about the politics.

“It’s good PR to have the son of a high ranking Alliance officer endorse the program, right?  But I know Hannah wanted me to do it, despite me being an old Commando.  And I never really got the chance to teach him the way I wanted after he told me that he was joining the Alliance, but alas… I wouldn’t necessarily say that it would’ve been better for him to have learned from me.  It brought him to you, after all.”  Vik motioned towards him.

That’s what Regis would always say.  He never regretted BAaT because it brought them together.  Didn’t stop Kaidan’s vein’s from turning to ice.  Didn’t stop the feeling of relief that Regis was there anyway.  The selfishness of knowing him despite the torture they went through.

No, Kaidan thought to himself, it wouldn’t have been better for Regis to have learned how to control his biotics from Vik.

One thing he didn’t know, however, was that Hannah wanted Vik to do it.  “Did Regis know that his mother wanted you to teach him?”

Vik’s eyes widened, their markings stretching across their face.  “Wait, she never told him?  This whole time, she let him think that she blocked me from…” they shook their head.  “Can’t believe she let herself be turned into a bad guy.  Explains why Regis never really cornered me about it beyond when he first asked me about it.”

Kaidan knew part of that story.  A young Regis asking Vik to be his teacher, to be like the asari commandos he heard stories about as a kid.  But Vik only said to ask his mother, and that was the end of the conversation.

“In some ways,” Kaidan continued walking back to the house.  “She already was for not letting Regis spend more time on Earth, but that doesn’t explain why she never explained herself.  Unless… she didn’t want to poison the Alliance for him?  I don’t know.” He sighed.  “I’m sorry, there’s really no use speculating about it.”

“And Regis wouldn’t want us to anyway,” Vik said with undisguised frustration.  “I’d say the Alliance was poisoned for him long before BAaT.  Clearly BAaT and its ties didn’t deter him either, but you had a lot to do with that.”  Something… else was lingering in their tone that Kaidan couldn’t place.

He felt bold.  “In what way?”

“I’m not saying you forced him.  Goddess, darling,” They shook their head.  

“What are you saying?” Kaidan tried to keep his voice neutral, but the weariness and emotions of the day were bearing down on him.

“Sometimes I wonder what his life would’ve been like if he didn’t join.  That’s it.  But I’d imagine he would’ve followed me to Omega and used his cybernetics degree for all the right and wrong reasons, and ended up in another dangerous situation,” Vik sighed.  They stopped at the back door of the patio.  “Unlike Regis, I think about every damn thing. You think I wouldn't with how many centuries I've been alive, but I've never been good at acceptance.  He was destined for greatness and far away from the quiet life.  I’m just… I’ve lost a lot of friends and people I loved.  I didn’t expect to lose him so soon.”

Kaidan felt like a dick.  “Vik, I’m—”

“Sorry? Don’t be.  You are looking out for your love the same way I’m looking out for my kid.  What’s the phrase?  Water under the bridge?” They held out their hand.

Kaidan shook it, feeling the soft hiss of Vik’s corona intersect with his own.  A foreign sensation so unlike the field that would form between his and Regis’s.  

“Water under the bridge,” Kaidan repeated.  “You got it right.”

“Adrian’s a good teacher.  He also helped get your bedroom ready to go with your luggage.” Vik stepped aside to open the door.  The lights were off in the house.  His parents must’ve already gone up to bed.  

“Thanks,” Zaeed said with a yawn.  “It’s been a long day.”

“Especially for you both,” Vik said as they all walked quietly up the stairs.  Adrian waved at them from the hallway.  His hair was down from its usual bun, and to Kaidan's amusement, he was wearing a long-sleeved shirt with asari writing on it.

“Hope you had some good time alone,” he said, opening his arms for a hug.  Kaidan accepted it, inhaling deeply, smelling the same hint of citrus that Regis loved in his own scents.  He knew they used the same hair products, both enjoying taming and styling their curls best they could.  Another indulgence Regis loved was expensive self-care products, comparing notes with his uncle.

“We did,” Kaidan said quietly, pulling away.  “Thanks for waiting up.”

Adrian waved it off.  “Anytime.  You’re basically my surrogate kid, so I’m going to be your surrogate uncle and tell you to get some rest.  Also because Vik is going to kick your ass tomorrow.”

Kaidan rolled his eyes but was smiling all the same.  “We’ll see about that.”

“I look forward to it.” Vik bowed.  “Good night to the both of you.”

“Good night,” Kaidan said, and Zaeed nodded, following him to his old bedroom at the end of the hall.

It was nearly as he left it the last time he and Regis visited.  The bed was already unmade, piled high with warm blankets and pillows, his old blue comforter a nice sight to see.  His walls were still covered with old pictures and posters, and Zaeed looked around, taking them in, grinning at some but never saying anything.  He stopped at an array of photos on his old dresser.

Photos from when Regis was visiting in between his classes and when he graduated with his cybernetics degree.  Still young and before they enlisted.  Kaidan did a bit of schooling online, but finished his biology background by going into a specialty medic track while in the Alliance.  

Zaeed picked another photo up.  Regis was grinning in his graduation regalia, holding up his degree while Kaidan kissed him on the cheek.  He remembered his mother taking that picture, smiling and laughing at their affection. 

“He was so young,” Zaeed said.  “No tats, no scars… looks completely different.”

“Torfan changed him,” Kaidan said, taking the photo from him and putting it back on the dresser.  “Face was still full of metal though.”

“Sure was,” he laughed.  His gaze turned to another picture, taken not long after BAaT.  It was a selfie of Regis Kaidan had framed, always pulling it back out every time Regis tried to hide it.

It still had Regis with his natural green eyes instead of his gene modded red.

“Didn’t know he used to have green eyes either,” Zaeed said, probably thinking of his own.  “We could’ve matched.”

Kaidan has thought about that too.  “Not long after BAaT is when he got into body mods.  It was like no time at all when he started changing things about himself.  Going for a face full of piercings, full sleeves of tattoos… he didn’t get the neck ones until after Torfan.  His chest wasn’t long after he got the ones on his neck.”

“And the one on his back?”

“Not long after we landed in Omega,” Kaidan said, wishing he could trace the lines of that cybernetic heart.

“I knew the story behind his neck.  Hell, when I got his Black Widow, I saw that skull of his staring back at me,” Zaeed said.  “His arms were because of his father, right?”

“Porcelain flowers because of his late grandmother’s tea sets.  Yggdrasil directly because his father had one on his back.  Treated like a connection to Earth, and I asked Regis if I could get it too.” Kaidan rubbed his leg where the tattoo was.  “Damn near knocked me over with the kiss he gave me.”

“I can imagine that… think it’ll be okay if I get some of his flowers on my hip?” Zaeed asked quietly, almost hesitant.

Kaidan leaned in for a kiss, soft and sweet.  “I think he–and I–would like that.  I was going to get a big piece done on my back as well.  Haven’t decided what yet.  Maybe a bit of eezo ink too.”

“Sounds like something we can try to do together.”

“I’d like that.”  Kaidan let out a yawn.  “Best get to bed.  Sounds like Vik is going to kick my ass tomorrow.”

“Do you know exactly what they’re going to teach you?  Haven’t heard any of that biotic shit before–well, maybe bubbles.” Zaeed asked as he grabbed his luggage, sorting through his bed clothes and grabbing his toiletries.

“A few things.  I sort of know the theory behind them, but it’s not going to be easy.”  Kaidan started to unpack his clothes too, grabbing what he needed and starting to tug off his clothes before pulling on the soft red plaid pajama pants he stole from Regis.  A bit too long on him, but they were something to steal.

He walked into the bathroom and turned on the light.  Zaeed settled behind him, shirtless against his own bare skin, wrapping his arms around his stomach as Kaidan began to brush his teeth.  “Either way, it’ll be a hell of a show.”

Kaidan hummed, going through the motions before spitting out the paste.  “Just wish Regis were here to do it with me.”

“So do I.” He kissed the top of his head and swapped places with him.  “My turn.”

So easy to get lost in the domesticity.  Kaidan wished they had a few more days.

– –

Kaidan stared at his omnitool while sitting on the edge of the bed, thinking back to what Vik said earlier about Hannah.  It was late, but he knew she kept long hours.  And he doubted she, like the rest of them, was getting much sleep lately.  

Zaeed was already under the covers, scrolling on his own omnitool.

It will be just a quick call.  He can also update her on the T’Soni situation from his perspective, hoping that Hackett already had that conversation with her.

“Going to call his mother?” he asked.  

“Thinking about it.”

“Then do it.  Need a minute alone?”

Kaidan shook his head.  “No, but I am going to pull on a shirt.”  He reached for the sweatshirt he brought with him, branded with the Alliance marines symbol, and tugged it on.  “I’m going to tell her about us and what we had with him, but I won’t make you part of the call unless she asks.”

“She’s going to ask.  She’ll know,” he laughed, but it didn’t sound carefree.  A little strained, either from the weight of the day or facing yet another meeting with a parent.

Kaidan snorted and got up to sit at his desk, sending her a quick message.

She replied nearly instantly with a link, no message attached to it.

Kaidan took a deep breath and opened the link, keeping his bed out of the view.  She appeared on the other side, her dark black hair down in waves instead of its usual bun.  She looked tired, older, wearing a purple turtleneck that immediately reminded him of Regis.

“Hackett told me you were with family and to not bother you.  What’s wrong?” She asked.

“Nothing’s wrong, but Vik wanted me to talk to you about something.  First, need me to talk about the whole thing with T’Soni?”

She waved it off.  “Not now.  What more can you say?  I know Regis didn’t want her on board, and more than that, I realize how idiotic the Council was for not putting her up in protective custody when he asked.” She scoffed.  “He made a hell of a choice that day.  Though, it shouldn’t surprise me by now.”

“That he’s willing to sacrifice to get the outcome he wants?” Kaidan challenged, unable to prevent himself from striking out.

“No.” Her face was still.  “That he was willing to make the ballsy choices that would have nearly every admiral in this leadership squealing.  If he didn’t keep back our fleet, he could’ve doomed the goddamn galaxy.  Of course, no one’s going to see it that way,” she sighed.  “But I’m with you and him on that.  He did the right thing.  Always tried.”

Kaidan bit back his comment.  Should’ve told him that more often.  

“I know what you want to say, and trust me, I have plenty of regrets.  So, why was Vik wanting you to talk to me?” 

Hannah was always good at reading people.  But not her son.

How to best start this story… “Remember the man in Regis’s will that he gave his arsenal to?  The ones that weren’t on the Normandy?”

“I do,” she nodded, narrowing his eyes.  “It wasn’t the time to ask or contest when we were handling it.  Who is he?”

Kaidan let out a breath.  “Zaeed Massani was an old temporary third in our relationship a few years ago.”

To her credit, her expression barely changed, save for a slight widening of her eyes.  “And when you say temporary…”

“A few weeks.  An ill-advised shore leave on Omega that showed we were a little in over our heads…”

“And you met him there,” she guessed, not accepting the bait for the story.  He was grateful for that.

Kaidan nodded.  “It’s a bit of a long story but… yes.  We mutually agreed to pursue him and well… we stayed friends after we parted ways.”

“Had to if he willed his goddamn Widow to him.  Skull engraving and all?”

“Skull engraving and all,” Kaidan echoed.  “He’s not just some friend to us.”

“But I didn’t know him,” she said, lacing her fingers together on her desk.

“Vik and Adrian didn’t either in that way,” Kaidan said.  “Vik only knew Zaeed in passing due to their work.  Adrian mostly knew Zaeed because of Vik, not because of us.”

“Runs in the same circles as Vik, huh.  So, what are you going to tell me next?  Don’t tell me he’s part of T’Loak’s circle…”

He was sure Zaeed had to be careful to not make himself known at that comment.  “He’s an independent merc.”

She nodded, leaning back in her chair.  “Okay.  What is this really about, Kaidan?  You call me late at night to tell me of an ex-fling of yours that ended up making such an impact that Regis willed his goddamn armory to him.  Well, that’s now explained because of his work.  But why did Vik want you to tell me this?  Another reminder that my son and I never talked to each other?”

Kaidan let her rant, keeping his face still.  Here goes nothing.  “Regis gave me a separate video for me to watch.  I finally watched it.”

“He recorded me a short one too,” she said, her face softening.  “What did he say?”

“He wanted me to move on with my life.  Find someone else.  And in that video, he mentioned Zaeed by name.”

Her face, again, betrayed nothing. 

So, he continued.  “When I left Arcturus, I met up with Zaeed before even knowing about the video.  He just happened to be on Earth.  So, I finally faced that damn video with him by my side, and Regis dropped that bomb out of nowhere.  Regis hoped that Zaeed would be that person for me to rely on and one day love.” His voice caught on the last word.  “And Hannah, I loved your son.  I love him still, but… Regis gave me his goddamn blessing and I’m not about to waste an opportunity we both wanted after that shore leave.”  He didn’t think he still had tears to cry, but more threatened to fall.

“You don’t need my fucking blessing for anything, kid.  Regis… found himself with you.  And I am so grateful that he had you, and I’m sure your parents felt the same way about him.  Do I think this is too soon?  Maybe.  You need time, but time isn’t something any of us have these days.  Just… introduce him to me at some point.  I’d like to know the man that managed to pull both of you in,” she said, crossing her hands on top of each other on the table.  

Kaidan never expected that response out of her.  Likely due to Regis’s influence, his own thoughts on his mother seeping into whatever opinion Kaidan tried to create on his own.  

But there were too many times that made it difficult for Kaidan to paint her in a good light.

“Thank you,” Kaidan said, wiping at his eyes.  “I don’t want you to think that I’m just throwing away what we had.  We were so damn close to tying the knot.”  

“It took Atlas and I years,” she said.  “I understand.  Find your peace.  I wish I could find mine.”

“Vik wanted me to call you because I’ve already brought Zaeed down to meet Mom and Dad,” Kaidan blurted.  

This time, she did react, not hiding her shock.  “Already?  And how did that… no, it’s not any of my business.”  By the way she sounded, she definitely thought it was her business. “A couple of rough spots but… they want me to be happy,” Kaidan said, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“And I want that for you too, truly.  So, you called me to size up my reaction.  Fair enough.  If he’s okay with that, I want to at least say hello,” she said, quickly recovering.  

Kaidan didn’t have to say anything.  Zaeed got up from the bed, pulled on his tank top, and moved into the frame.

“Wait a second… you’re Hackett’s old–” she cut herself off.  

“He knows,” Zaeed said, moving to put a hand on his shoulder.  “He knows I’m his old friend and old beau.  Nice to meet you, Admiral Shepard.”

“Just call me Shepard, Massani,” she said with a laugh.  “Fucking hell, this galaxy is tiny.  Explains why your name kept gnawing on me, but I couldn’t place it.  Never been good with names…” she trailed off.  “My kid must’ve trusted and loved you a lot to give you his gun.  That’s all the endorsement I need.”

“I carry it with pride,” Zaeed said.  “I know the meaning of what he engraved on it.”

“Good.  Take care of each other.  We’ll talk more later.  You both look tired.”

“Yeah, it’s been a long day,” Kaidan said, stifling a yawn.  

“I bet,” she said, giving them both a small smile.  “Between the bullshit going on with that asari, your impending future, and introducing your partner to the family… get some rest.  Give the Alenkos my love.  I’ll try to make a trip down soon.”

He thought it was funny how she gave meeting the parents the same level of stress as all the other shit going on in his life.

“I will.  They’ll be happy to host you.”

“That I know for a fact.  Take care of each other.  Not just for Regis, but yourselves.  Might need to get some stories out of you.”  Before Kaidan could reply, she closed the link.

Zaeed squeezed his shoulder tighter.

Kaidan felt a little lighter after having that conversation, but now, all he wanted to do was snuggle up with Zaeed for as long as he could. A part of him also wanted to grill her more on the BAaT story he learned from Vik, but this wasn't the time.

And really, there wouldn't be much of a time without Regis there with them.

[rallamajoop]

Regis cosplay and the complicated history of a belt buckle

There’s nothing like cosplay to give you a whole new appreciation for the little details that go into a character’s costume.

Take Regis’ belt: if you’ve ever looked closely at the belt buckle and tip, they’re really distinctive—and really pretty.

Not to mention really frustrating to try and source.

Though that sideways-heart-shape is one of the more authentically-medieval details on his outfit, belts like that have been out of fashion for centuries. Even searching for oversized retro 80′s styles turned up nothing like it. The square conchos aren’t too unusual, but the buckle is another story.

Until I started looking on sites that did medieval replica buckles and holy crap, Regis’ buckle was based on an actual medieval replica! That you can actually buy!

This particular buckle is available in both gold and silver (buckle and end sold separately for some reason)—and from multiple different sites, even! (Very handy when the first one I found wouldn’t post to Australia). I’ve used mostly pics of the gold version here, though Regis’ actual belt looks silver in most of the better pics I’ve found of it.

Here, have a close-up comparison to show just how perfect this thing is.

If you look even closer, you may notice they’ve even reproduced the same shapes on the decorations on his satchel.

Some of those sites will go a step further and explain that this particular buckle was based on a real historical design from the 1460′s—specifically from the painting “Portrait of a Lady”, by Rogier van der Weyden.

Though you can certainly see the resemblance, they haven’t copied the painting exactly. In fact, there are far more precise replicas out there based on that same portrait.

More than one, in fact.

You can even get cheap, simplified versions of basically the exact same design!

Seems to be a pretty popular style.

All that said, Regis’ belt is still clearly based on that first replica from the top of this post, not the original portrait or any of the other reproduction buckles. Given that those buckles seem to have been up for sale online since at least a couple months before Blood and Wine came out, I’m assuming it was the devs copying an existing belt buckle design, not replica-buckle makers taking a design from a computer game. (What international copyright law says about this sort of thing I have no idea—I don’t think most clothing is supposed to be copyrightable in the same way other media is but I am not the person to ask. All I can tell you is that this questionably-authorised game-reproduction has already sold one buckle set to at least this one delighted fan—and now that the rest of you know about it, perhaps some more as well.)

With all that established, should we take a moment to enjoy some very mild amusement that what Regis is wearing was based on a lady’s silk belt? (A lady’s belt that he has carefully coordinated to match his bag, no less!) That probably shouldn’t be so surprising given how decorative the thing is, though I’m sure it’d be easy to miss if (perhaps like the devs) you’ve only seen the replica version up for sale with standard leather straps. Most medieval gear sites don’t bother to split their products into male and female categories that way (nor should they).

Not that I can see any of that bothering Regis. And it is, whatever else you may take from it, a very pretty buckle design.

[askthetoppatclan]

Let’s get this show on the road. Does anyone know which direction the jungle base is at? I kind of forgot with everything that’s happened.

“I think I know the direction, but before we do that....there’s something I really need to do. This will do.” He rubbed the stone he was inspecting, deep in thought.

“Oh Righteyyyyy!” He called out in sing-song voice, adding: “Can you do me a favor? It’s really important!”

Right Hand Man sighed, commenting: “I need ta keep ya as far away from Edna as possible. Wot do ya need?”

“Your laser. Please do exactly as I say. Ready?”

He nodded, readying himself as Reginald stepped out of the way.

“Almost done. A little bit to the right, the, down again. Make it do a curve.”

Right Hand Man nodded, slowly dragging his laser around the stone, trying to make it as smooth as possible. It took a bit of time, but once it was done, Reginald couldn’t help but tear up himself.

“It’s perfect. Come on, we’ll dig it in on those flowers.”

Right Hand Man and Edna nodded, moving to help him get it in the perfect position.

“Regi....I don’t know what to say...” Edna was quiet, no words forming in her mind. Reginald understood.

“I know. You don’t need to say anything. This is an important day for all of us.”

Edna managed a wet laugh, nodding. “It feels like the start of how it was supposed to be....just delayed by eight years....I’m sure Lilly is very happy that we are finding back together....”

“I have no doubts about it....come on...let’s go home.”

Edna and Reginald held onto Right Hand Man and Valor grabbed Seth, the group flying into the air.

Finally, they would get back home. Finally they could give Lillia what she deserved for all these years but couldn’t get due to prejudice, fear and pressure.

[unionwitch]

We never saw what Mors Lucis Caelum looks like, only that one picture of Regis helping to carry his coffin, CLOSED COFFIN, with no memorial picture in sight.

So as far as I'm concerned (unless Square publicly states otherwise), in my head Mors was kinda rude and done with everything and he just have had enough of the ruling bs, and faked his death. My man went all out, the whole jazz, like, hiring an assassin, having the assassin shoot him somewhere non lethal and public announcement stating him supposedly dying in a hospital from wounds and bad health, while he ran away, incognito and just bugged off to some rural area to fish and listen to radio so he can bitch about his son trying to do damage control after inheriting the crown.

Also it's a very ironic and hilarious take, the man who's name means death just - fakes his own death. Like "aw shit the crystal is draining my life. I don't have that many years left, well I'd love to retire. How bout I fake my death, right after pulling back the Wall?"

Just imagine, it all would be perfect. He pulls back the Wall so Regis has less shit to deal with, but also to make sure that an assassination attempt on him would be perfectly believable and valid. And he just goes with it.

[glon-morski]

On Noctis’ Injury And Its Effects On His Magic

A̷ ̷f̷i̷l̷l̷ ̷f̷o̷r̷ ̷t̷h̷i̷s̷ ̷k̷i̷n̷k̷m̷e̷m̷e̷,̷ ̷I̷ ̷g̷u̷e̷s̷s̷.̷.̷.̷?̷

Anyone who has played FFXV knows that as a child, Noctis suffered from an injury that rendered him unable to walk for a while – the reason for his visit to Tenebrae as a kid, and thus his first meeting with Luna shortly before Tenebrae fell. The Brotherhood anime and Kingsglaive movie expand on it a little bit, giving more information on the extent of the injury, as well as what caused it: a daemon called the Marilith. As a reminder, I mean this thing:

The injury was severe enough that Noctis remained in a coma for an unspecified amount of time (though most likely at least a couple weeks, if not a couple months) and even once he woke and recovered a bit, he was unable to walk, his legs being paralyzed (or he was literally paraplegic, meaning paralyzed from the waist down; that’s a valid possibility as well, and an even more likely one all things considered). Furthermore, it is a widely assumed headcanon (and rather heavily implied, though never actually stated in the game) that he was infected by the Starscourge through this injury. For these reasons, he was taken to Tenebrae so the Oracle may heal him, though this led to Niflheim attacking and conquering Tenebrae as a result.

Well, fine, he was healed. That’s that then. Except it’s not, according to Noctis’ character sheet in the game’s archives.

“An injury incurred as a young boy deprived him access to the full potential of his innate power”, huh?

Unless there was another ‘childhood injury’ that we don’t know about, which is unlikely, this references the Marilith. And that injury, though healed by the Oracle, apparently left marks deep enough that it affected Noctis’ ability to use his magic. But that begs the question: how exactly was he affected? No part of the game or the anime or ANYTHING gives us any real indication on that. So all we can do is speculate. That said, here are some thoughts I had on the matter.

1 – Warping

Noctis can warp. That’s obvious to anyone who played the first five seconds of the game’s gameplay or watched the first minute of the brotherhood anime. It’s one of the basic abilities he should have as a royal, of course he learned how to warp.

Here’s the thing, though: just because he can doesn’t mean it was (or still is) easy. In fact, Noctis had experienced uncommon difficulty in mastering this skill, as stated in the book/script ‘Prologue: Parting Ways’. Ignis outright says there that Noctis actually only mastered warping recently and goes as far as to speculate that his difficulty in learning might be connected to his childhood injury, which is as much of an indication that it’s the case as we can get since the characters visibly aren’t supposed to know for sure. Furthermore, if we consider Gameplay-Story-Integration – something FFXV does in spades, far more than I think I’ve ever seen any other game do – at the very beginning of the game, warping (and warp strikes in particular) is very costly in MP. In fact, unless you’re on a New Game+ (which doesn’t count), overusing warp strikes is the best way to end up in Stasis in only a few attacks, along with aerial combat which, surprise surprise, also makes Noctis warp and phase a lot to not fall down prematurely.

The effect lessens as Noct gains levels and thus more MP, but even late game you can sometimes end up in Stasis against stronger, aerial opponents if you’re not careful. That said, while the gameplay mechanic of gaining more MP as you level up is nothing new, here it could be explained in-story as well: as Noctis grows stronger because he’s fighting nearly every day and is thus forced to practice both his combat skills and his warping, he perfects the skill he had so he doesn’t need to use as much magic for it. He may have ‘mastered’ it before leaving Insomnia in the sense that he never fails to warp when he wants to, but for most of his journey he’s perfecting it so he can do it with more ease and using less of his reserves of Magic, and thus not fall into Stasis so easily.

Speaking of which…

2 – Stasis

Stasis is something akin to a ‘status ailment’, yet different. It’s what the state of having 0 MP is called. When in Stasis, Noctis can’t attack because he can’t summon his weapons and can’t avoid attacks well because he can’t phase, much less warp. He can’t use the magic flasks, either. The only thing he can do is run around but that, interestingly, only makes the Stasis last longer. In order to recover MP and thus get OUT of Stasis, he needs to stop moving entirely (and preferably hunker down behind a rock or something of that nature). Stasis only ends when he recovers all of his MP.

There’s a few things interesting about Stasis. The first, as I already mentioned above, is how to get out of it. You need to stop and cease moving entirely – which, if you’re in the middle of combat, is of course nothing short of idiotic. But then, since you can’t do anything anyway, Stasis is something you usually need to get out of ASAP if you’ve already failed to not fall into it in the first place. Finding a hiding spot and hunkering down helps as Noctis’ magic recovers faster that way. While there’s no indication how Stasis may feel to Noctis, however, there’s a widely-accepted headcanon that it is not pleasant. The fact that you have to stop and that crouching makes Noct recover faster lead to believing he might feel dizzy and maybe even nauseous or otherwise sick, that he as a character feels the need to sit or lie down when he ends up in Stasis. Which would make sense considering that, as far as we know, his Magic is and always has been a part of him, so having it deplete to zero is likely to not feel nice. It might be similar to when you’re anemic for the exact same reason: you need a certain amount blood and hemoglobin for your body to function properly. It’s not too much of a stretch to assume that it’s the same for Noctis and his magic power.

Noctis, however, is not the only character who may have to deal with Stasis if he’s not careful about his magic use. The others are the members of the Kingsglaive, as shown in the Comrades DLC. However, even at the very beginning of DLC, you have to try really hard to get the Kingsglaive character into Stasis. Like, fighting an aerial enemy and constantly warp striking it even though you have shuriken you can throw from a distance kind of try. In fact, in all the time I played Comrades, I only managed to get into Stasis ONCE and my reaction to it was ‘wait what? Stasis? HOW?!’ that’s how surprised I was that it actually happened, even though I theoretically knew it could. Furthermore, at no point in the Kingsglaive movie was Stasis ever so much as mentioned as far as I recall. So in this case, it is safe to assume that it’s either a case of Gameplay-Story-Segregation, or in case it’s not, that most Glaives only know vaguely that Stasis can happen, but rarely-to-never actually experience it. By comparison, early-game Noctis falls into Stasis nearly all the time (or he did the first time I played the game and before I learned to watch my MP and periodically point-warp, a tactic I largely dropped late-game and barely use in Comrades).

There’s one thing, though: magic is not a native ability of the Glaives. They get the ability to use magic by borrowing said magic from the king. Their bodies are not as adapted to it as Regis’ and Noctis’ would be by virtue of magic being an energy they don’t usually have access to. This is further reinforced by the fact that they have varying affinity for magic. So since the energy wasn’t theirs and their bodies were not meant to be able to use it, but do so anyway due to their connection to the king, it would make sense if there was a limit of how much magic they could borrow before something blocked them – either because the ‘sharing’ works by them having a certain stock which runs dry or because their bodies refuse to accept more magic from the king past a certain threshold, thus inducing Stasis. The same cannot be said for Noctis. He’s of royal blood. He was born with his ability to use magic. It’s part of him. It’s his magic, not someone else’s that he’s borrowing.

Furthermore, there is King Regis, who we know is weakening due to sustaining the Wall. He’s been weakened to the point that already at the time of Brotherhood, he lost access to his Arminger – not the entire arsenal, he can still summon regular weapons, but the Royal Arms no longer appear to him because he’s too weak. Yet even this weakened monarch withered by years of using the Ring of the Lucii is never so much as implied to experience Stasis, or to ever have experienced it. Even now, when he can hardly use magic in general, there’s nothing that may imply he’s close to or dealing with Stasis. His magic is there, he just cannot use it. But if Noctis’ father never experienced Stasis in all his life, then it would mean it’s weird that Noctis does, especially as easily as he does in early-game.

Unless, of course, his childhood injury and the Starscourge play a role in it. Hence why I believe they do.

3 – Elemental Magic

Another direct ability connected to his magic that Noctis has is his Elemancy and general spell-casting. And here’s where things get really interesting in my opinion. I’ll be breaking this into two separate parts, one about the obvious Elemancy from the game (i.e. making the magic flasks) and one less obvious aspect. Let’s start with the less obvious one.

3.1 – Elemental Deposits

In order to use elemental magic in the form of flasks, Noctis has to first store the energy from elemental deposits. These are strewn about all over Eos, most notably with one of each element (fire, ice, lightning) around every haven blessed by an Oracle. However, they’re also found in different locations to varying amounts. Mt. Ravatogh is littered with fire deposits and maybe a lighting here and there, but you won’t find any ice, which makes sense considering it’s a volcano. The cave behind the waterfall, aptly named Glacial Grotto, is littered with ice deposits and you’ll be hard pressed to find anything else (though there is exactly one fire and one lightning deposit). This implies that elemental magic is part of the very earth itself, which is important when you consider another thing:

Noctis is the only character who requires these depositis. Everyone else can cast spells ‘just like that’ as far as we know. The Kingsglaive? Both in the movie and in the Comrades expansion, they just do it. There’s not even so much as a mention of the deposits. Ignis, who’s implied to be the most magically adept of Noctis’ companions? His entire fighting style when you play him relies on elemental magic, and when you don’t play as him, he has elemental techniques to use via the tech bar like Sage Fire. He can do both whether or not Noct has stored any elemental energy himself, so it’s not connected to that.

Where, then, do these characters draw the magic from?

At first, one may think that they draw from the royal family. It’s how the Kingslaive’s abilities are explained in-game, after all. They can use magic because of their connection to the king, because the king gives them access to his own magic. The same goes for the Crownsguard, though to a lesser degree, as they don’t seem able to do much more than just conjure and dismiss weapons from the arsenal. Cor doesn’t warp once the few times he’s a guest member in your party and, unless I’m misremembering, none of the Crowsguard were able to warp in the Kingsglaive movie, either. Same for the Crownsguard enemies in Episode Ardyn. Outside the royal family, only the Glaives could do that.

So they draw their magic from their sovereign – King Regis in most cases, Noctis in the case of Ignis, Gladio and Prompto. Except we just talked about how Ignis’ fighting style, particularly when he’s the player character, relies heavily on elemental magic and he can use it whether or not Noctis has any elemental magic from deposits stored. This leads me to believe that using elemental spells is actually a two-fold job. Because the magic of the royal family is bound to the Crystal. But the elemental deposits can be found literally anywhere (even in cities in odd containers) and the kinds of deposits you find in certain terrain depends on that terrain, meaning the elemental energy is something that can be found in the earth… and by extension likely the sea and the air, too, it would only make sense.

So the royal family doesn’t actually have direct use of elemental magic, but their Crystal magic gives them a way to manipulate these elemental energies to form spells. This is further reinforced by the fact that when Noctis absorbs elemental energy, it is portrayed as colorful, smoke-like wisps or something. There’s no small flame or ice particles or sparks of electricity in the energy he absorbs (though they are there on the deposit before he starts siphoning it). That only comes when actual spells are cast. Which would mean it’s possible that whoever gets access to the Crystal’s magic via connection to the royal family gains an ability to manipulate those energies as well, and is thus capable of using elemental magic. Which would also explain why some people have more of an affinity for it than others because let’s be honest, that sounds like complicated, hard work.

As I said before, though: Noctis is the only character to actually use the energy deposits. So where do other characters grasp the elemental energy to manipulate it with the Crystal’s magic to create spells? The answer is simple: everything around them. The earth. The water. The very air. They can draw that energy from those places and manipulate it to form spells. And Noctis should be able to do the same. Yet he seems to require the deposits instead.

Could it be due to the fact that, for some reason, he lacks some aspect of his Crystal magic, be it fine-tuned control or something as simple as the instinct for it, that would allow him to weave these energies from the very air around him? Could it be that in order to grasp those energies and manipulate them, he requires a higher concentration of that energy? It seems to be the case. And by that logic, unless we assume he simply doesn’t have the affinity for magic, the only other possible explanation is his childhood injury.

But wait. One thing doesn’t add up. Noctis can use elemental spells in his parries, after all. Against certain enemies, when you block at the right moment and then press the attack button when prompted, an animation will start where Noctis counters, usually with magic. For instance, he can jump onto the flat side of a Red Giant’s sword, run up to it, up its chest, jump away and throw a fire spell at it. A similar counter is possible with one of the Niflheim machine enemies of the X generation (X-Angel or something along those lines, I think). And those counters, much like Ignis’ fighting style, can be executed whether or not Noctis happens to have elemental energies for Elemancy stored.

And that’s true. But there’s a few details to consider here. First, these counters are available against specific, late-game enemies. Besides which, no matter what the enemy’s weakness or resistances might be, Noctis will only ever use a fire spell in those parries, and not an overly powerful one, either. So going by Gameplay-Story-Integration again, this can be explained thus: by virtue of fighting and using magic far more often than he ever had to in Insomnia, Noctis eventually learned to draw the elemental energy from the air as well, but still not in what can be considered an effective manner. Especially since I’d consider fire to be the easiest spell to cast of the three (even if blizzard, by virtue of being connected to water, may be the one for which the energy is easiest to draw from the air in particular). Because lightning would be difficult to conjure from the air in general and blizzard, while probably having an amplitude of water energy that can be used, needs far more manipulation because you need to freeze it and stuff. By contrast, with fire, you just have to manipulate it enough that there’s a first spark and the rest is a chain reaction because the flames use the air (or rather the oxygen in the air) as fuel to burn. Furthermore, compared to blizzard and lightning spells, fire spells have far less of an area of effect. They’re more concentrated and thus safer to use for a counter without endangering one’s comrades, but that’s another matter entirely.

There’s another aspect of the deposits, too, namely that they’re the one thing in the game that Noctis’ companions never point out. If you pass a shop, they’ll talk about shopping or getting curatives. If you pass a haven, Gladio will often ask if you want to make camp. If you’re near a fishing spot, either Noctis or one of the others may comment on the opportunity to fish. But elemental deposits are never commented on by anyone. Almost as if they’re not seen. (Much like mineral deposits and places where you can pick up food, but admittedly, those really can be overseen. The same can’t really be said for elemental deposits, considering their glow and stuff.)

Which… actually would make sense if you think about it. Episode Gladio and Prompto were both in locations that should have been rich in deposits – Gladio’s by virtue of being a generally magical location and Prompto’s because it’s still relatively near to Shiva’s resting place, which should make him stumble upon ice deposits all over, especially considering that there were several of them in abandoned containers on the railway where the train Noctis, Gladio and Ignis were using was forced to stop (you know, that spot right to Shiva’s corpse’s head?). Yet in neither location is even one deposit to be found. Not even in a ‘yeah, there is one here, but obviously you can’t make use of it’ kind of way. Similarly, there were a couple deposits in containers in Altissia, but when you play Episode Ignis, there is not a single one. Finally, there were even deposit containers in the ruined Insomnia. I find it hard to believe those would have been brought there by Niflheim, so they had to have been there before Insomia’s fall and might even have been lying around for years. And yet you also don’t see a single one when you play Episode Ardyn. Ardyn who, being a Lucis Caelum, has access to the Crystal’s magic as well as far as we know. Admittedly, he never uses the elemental aspect, though. Actually, all he does use is warping and the Royal Arms during his final fight with Noct. Nothing else. Almost as if… as if he’s lost access to it. Maybe because of all the Starscourge he’s absorbed.

Much like Noctis, who had been infected with it to a lesser degree as a child and who thus has issues with using it as well.

But back to the deposits. One more interesting thing to note in the case of Insomnia is that these deposits lie literally in random spots among the rubble. With the addition of the Glaive Encampment and stuff in the Royal Edition, you would think there wouldn’t be deposits at least around the encampment, right? The Glaives might not need them, but still, why would they just leave them lying around in random spots like this? Especially if it was known Noctis makes use of them. Then it would have been even more logical to gather them in a safe place for him, if only to make sure they’re preserved for him to use whenever he comes back. So why wouldn’t they do that? Why just leave them? Why won’t Noctis’ comrades ever comment on them, even when you have nothing stored and they would usually remind you to maybe stock up like they do with everything else?

Simple: no one but Noctis can actually see/sense them.

As I said before, one of the possibilities of how elemental magic is weaved into spells from the Crystal’s magic and natural elemental energy is that it’s done instinctively. It’s not that the characters can SENSE the elemental energies and decide to use them. They just go ‘I need this spell’ and instinctively reach for the energies they need for it. As the energies they need are literally everywhere around them, there’s no NEED for them to be able to sense them.

But Noctis is different in that the energies flowing all around him are not enough for him to actually grasp and weave into spells. He needs spots where those energies are concentrated. Spots which he needs to FIND. And so he may have developed a sort of sixth sense, a way to sense elemental energies when they’re concentrated enough (and possibly the Crystal magic, too, because the two likely aren’t that different; the Crystal magic could even be a sort of fourth element). A way that no one else has, because no one else NEEDS to find these places. Hence why they’re only actually there in the main game, which is from Noctis’ PoV. No other character could make use of them and because they don’t even need them, no other character can even sense/see them.

3.2 – Magic Flasks

As extensively discussed above, Noctis cannot easily cast spells, not the way the Glaives or Ignis do (and his father as well before he’s been weakened by the Ring of the Lucii, at least according to ‘A King’s Tale’). He can’t draw the energy from just anywhere, it needs to be concentrated enough. Furthermore, considering you can’t draw from elemental deposits even when you happen to be right next to one in a fight (and you can do a lot of things in the middle of combat via even the main menu in FFXV) and that it’s an ability that you can ‘level up’ via Ascension, it would be safe to assume even that is not easy for him. It takes time and he needs to concentrate. Because of this, it’s very possible that the difficulty of just drawing the energy makes the simultaneous manipulation of it into a spell nearly impossible for him (the exception being the aforementioned, tiny fire spell in counters). As a result, instead of drawing energy, manipulating it and then releasing the crafted spell simultaneously like the Glaives (as well as his father) do, Noctis needs to separate the steps.

Step one has been discussed extensively above. He draws the energy from places particularly rich in elemental energy – the deposits.

Step two, an intermediate step necessary due to the apparent difficulty in drawing elemental energies, is storage. As Noctis cannot manipulate the energy at the same time as he draws it, he needs to do something with it so he can do so later. The only logical thing to do is to store it, which he does likely in his own body (as he can do it since the beginning of the game and there’s no item or anything that’s in any way required for it).

Step three: he forges the spells. Now this one is interesting, because it doesn’t seem like Noctis has much issue with this particular step. Once he has the elemental energy necessary, spell-crafting seems to be simple, at least if one looks at it once again through Gameplay-Story-Integration glasses. As stated earlier, you can’t draw elemental energy from deposits while in combat. You can, however, craft spells mid-combat via the use of the main menu. So, going by the same rules as we did for the drawing of energy, this means that crafting spells is quick, easy and doesn’t require much concentration on Noctis’ part.

Why then does he always store them in flasks? If crafting the spells is so easy, why not cast them directly from his own energy storage?

Well, another widely accepted headcanon (to my knowledge) is that Noctis can’t control the spells that well. Not in terms of crafting them, but in terms of their power and where they land. Thus, he uses the flasks to both have better control in terms of aim, as well as actual power. This idea is supported by two things.

The first is how crafting spells works. You can decide how much of each elemental energy you want to infuse into a flask and you see what the end result will be before you actually craft the spell. This is, of course, an obvious game mechanic to avoid frustration for the players so they don’t craft blindly. But it would also make sense if this was another bit of Gameplay-Story-Integration, because Noctis himself likely doesn’t craft the spells blindly hoping he’ll get the right one, either. He can either ‘sense’ what spell will come out, or he’s practices crafting spells long enough to just know from experience.

The second thing is the difference in spells between Noctis and the Glaives. Whether you look at the Comrades DLC or the Kingsglaive movie, the magic of the Glaives is far more controlled than Noctis’. It’s more focused while being just as destructive and there doesn’t seem to be nearly as much risk of getting your comrades caught up in the cross-fire, and considering I only ever played Comrades offline (meaning with AI), trust me that the difference wasn’t between actual people knowing to get out of the way. Especially since it’s not like Comrades actually has a chatting system or anything, so it’s not like you can warn anyone ‘magic incoming!’ or anything. And yet unlike the main game, your party members are never actually caught in the crossfire.

Of course, there’s one big difference between throwing a flask (which is basically a magic bomb) and casting a spell yourself, and that’s the amount of control you have over the spell at any given moment. You need to control it to cast it, control where it lands by aiming and likely control it at the very moment of casting, so when the magic is released and possibly what it considers a target, as well. Flasks remove one-and-a-half of those. Noctis still needs to control the spells when he crafts them so they don’t blow up in his face or something before he stuffs them into flasks. But he doesn’t need to keep controlling it when he aims and he literally can’t control it at the moment of casting, because that happens on its own when the flask breaks. So while the Glaives can be assumed to control even the release of the spell (exactly when it goes off, how far it reaches etc.) this is out of Noctis’ hands. Once a flask breaks, that’s it, the energy inside literally explodes outward in a big, destructive mess. And that’s exactly how Noctis’ flasks work: a big explosion of magic that decimates everything in its path.

But then we return to the question: why bother? Why not just cast from his ‘internal storage’ where he keeps the elemental energy before he puts them in flasks?

I believe that is due to the fact that casting normally would be too difficult and demand too much concentration, much like drawing the energy from elemental deposits in the first place. As I said before, putting the magic into flasks removes two steps of casting where tight control of the magic is needed: to aim and to release (and potentially to designate the targets versus the people who are not to be harmed). And that is the EASY step, as Noctis can even do it mid-combat. It’s the aiming and release that likely pose issues, which would make sense. When it’s merely in ‘wisp-form’, the energy may be more or less difficult to manipulate, but is likely easy to contain. Once it’s crafted into the spell and becomes magic, however, the actual power/strength of it likely amplifies, since you’re combining various energies together. It’s like a chemical reaction. As soon as you start mixing stuff, a kind of reaction happens and energy is released. This is likely the same. And containing that energy, that pure power that’s created when a spell is crafted, may be beyond Noctis’ grasp on his magic. Which would mean that he does not have that tight or fine-tuned a control over it. He can manipulate it to craft spells, but anything other than that is either difficult and demands a lot of concentration, or is outright beyond his capabilities.

(Again, there’s this one little spell he does in counter-attacks, but that might be about all he can safely manage.)

4 – Healing Magic

There’s one more aspect of Noctis’ magic in terms of spell-casting: healing, otherwise known as the Cure-line of spells (Cure, Cura and Curaga, as well as potentially Raise and Arise, though the latter two don’t seem to be a thing in FFXV in general). It’s the one type of magic that’s nearly entirely unavailable to Noctis.

He can’t cast healing spells. The Glaives can and do.

On the other hand, Glaives don’t use potions. I don’t think a potion, or any other kind of curative, has even been mentionned in the Kingsglaive movie (though it’s been a while since I’ve seen it so I may be wrong), and they definitely aren’t in Comrades. Curatives are something only Noctis and his companions have access to, and the description of each points out that they only work ‘by way of Noctis’ power’. So he’s the one that makes them.

The idea here is similar and yet different to magic flasks. For magic flasks, Noctis needs to gather elemental energy first. He doesn’t seem to have any need for it to create curatives. On the other hand, he can’t just stuff healing magic into a flask. He requires a medium of sorts, apparently preferably in liquid form considering he always uses various types of energy drinks. Interestingly, the potency of the curative doesn’t seem to be how much magic Noctis’ stuffs into it, otherwise they could probably buy Hi-Elixirs for the price of a mere potion, but rather what kind of medium (so energy drink) he uses. Almost like the magic he infuses it with directly interacts with the chemical contents of the medium to determine the curative’s potency. Which is, at the very least, plausible.

Here we have another wonderful bit of Gameplay-Story-Integration in that you can buy curatives of any sort nearly anywhere, up to and including Gralea. Which makes sense if Noctis himself is the one who creates them. Surely even the empire would have energy drinks for their human citizens, right? And furthermore, with the exception of one (1) cutscene in Episode Prompto where Aranea uses a curative (which, considering she’s met Noctis and the others in Tenebrae before, she might have gotten from them; even if they didn’t have enough stock themselves, Noctis could have turned all energy drinks she had into curatives to further enable her relief efforts; and let’s be honest, it’s totally something Noctis would do) no one else but Noctis and his crew ever uses curatives, or even seems to know they exist. I mean, all those hunters you rescue in random side-quests? You’d think they’d have their own potions and antidotes and stuff on them if it was something that could be bought anywhere. Except all they can buy is an energy drink. Only Noctis can actually make it into a curative.

As for actually casting a healing spell in any form, Noctis cannot do that at all. The only thing he can do is mix a curative or some food into his elemental spells to create healcast spells. (Which, by the way, is another example of magic actually interacting with matter on a chemical level or something of that nature – though it’s likely more abstract than that - to determine an additional effect. If you use other items, you get stopcast, venomcast, failcast etc.)

5 – Sharing Magic With Others

The final point in which Noctis’ injury may have affected how well he can use his magic is actually sharing it with others, the same way Regis does with the Crownsguard and the Kingsglaive. However, at first glance, in this one point, it doesn’t seem like Noctis has any difficulty compared to his father. He shares his magic with Ignis, Gladio and Prompto easily enough and they can do everything a Crownsguard is supposed to.

As stated before, the Crownsguard doesn’t seem to have that much access to elemental magic, at least going by what little we see of them in the movie and the fact that in-game, Cor isn’t very magically inclined in terms of elemancy, either. However, they can materialize weapons from the arsenal. But they can’t warp. Cor never does and neither do the Crownguard operatives in Episode Ardyn.

The Glaives (and the Royal Guard they’re derived from) can use elemental magic and they can warp (though some are better than it than others). They can also manifest their weapons, as prove in both Episode Ardyn and Comrades.

I don’t remember if it was said in the Kingsglaive movie itself or if I read about it elsewhere, but I’m pretty certain it was stated somewhere that these differences were due to how powerful the ‘sharing link’ between King and subject is. The Crownsguard, being a ‘defense and reaction only’ kind of force and derived of what used to be the Lucian army to boot, only have the most basics of links to allow them access to the arminger arsenal. The Kingsglaive, on the other hand, was meant to basically be the new Lucian army (and yet, ironically, they’re based on the former Royal Guard). They were meant not to be a defense force, but an attack force. And since most of the magic the king can make available is more attack-oriented anyway, he bestowed those powers to them.

There’s also the fact that this more powerful link is more draining, too, which was likely another reason the Crownsguard only got the bare minimum of magic access.

Thing is, Ignis, Gladio and Prompto are all part of the Crownsguard, so they should also only have this ‘basics only’ connection. And yet Ignis can use elemental magic like no other Crownsguard member. Which leads me to believe that Noctis, being young and not yet burdened by the Ring, gave the strongest connection he could to his friends, allowing them access to every aspect of his magic.

But wait. If that’s the case, why don’t the other three warp? Ever?

Well, in Prompto’s case, that’s simple. He’s only been trained for a couple of months and while he was accepted into the Crownsguard, it’s downright said at the beginning of the game that his training was more meant for self-defense than to actually protect Noctis. Ignis and Gladio, however, don’t have that excuse. Gladio in particular has been trained in combat all his life. You’d expect him of all people to know how to warp, right?

Here’s the thing though: if you look at the Brotherhood anime, then outside of the few scenes actually set after the beginning of the game, neither Ignis nor Gladio are shown to be able to use magic. Even in the scene in episode 3 (I think?) where Gladio and Noctis trained with wooden weapons, they didn’t call for them or dismiss them with magic. In Noctis’ case, he might not have wanted to or he might still have been struggling to, since he was still a teenager then. In Gladio’s case, it’s safe to assume he hasn’t had access to it at that point. Especially since neither Ignis nor Gladio wear a Crownsguard uniform in the anime.

So that would mean their link to Noctis, and thus his magic, is relatively recent. Two, three years at most. And warping isn’t something that’s easily learned. Noctis might have additional trouble with it because of his injury, but even among the Glaives there are those who warp better (Nyx) than others (Libertus, who complains it makes him nauseous and that he needs to practice more). And these are highly skilled combatants with lots of experience and decent-to-exceptional magical affinity who have likely been training for years before being sent into the field (a lot can be said about Regis, but definitely not that he would send poorly-trained soldiers into a war). So learning to warp, whether you have aptitude for magic or not, takes time. Thus it is very likely that Ignis and Gladio could learn to warp if given the time and opportunity to do so. It’s just that once they leave Insomnia, they never do.

There’s one more thing, too: Ignis has a tendency to throw his daggers in combat and Gladio often throws his sword at Noctis during training. Both ultimately end up summoning the blades back to them in the end, but there’s always a second or so of delay before they do, as if they were originally trying to do something else. Like warping after the weapon. It’s thus very possible that shortly before leaving Insomnia, they have both begun warp training, it’s just that they haven’t had the time to finish it and actually learn to warp. And then once they leave Insomnia and then Insomnia falls, they don’t get much opportunity to train. Even during the ten years Noctis is in the Crystal, or rather especially during that time. Because daemons are springing up all over, the nights are getting longer and it’s basically the apocalypse. You don’t really get the chance to learn a new skill when something like that happens, you focus on the skills you already have to better them in a way that can make it possible for you to survive. So in the end, they never really learned. And after the Dawn, they didn’t really have the opportunity to anymore.

However, looking at everything else, it’s safe to assume Noctis allows them free, full access to his magic. His ability to do so is not hindered by his childhood injury.

In conclusion:

Noctis’ injury, sustained by the Marilith and likely made worse by a Starscourge infection, affected his magic on nearly every level. It made warping (and possibly conjuring weapons and other items) more difficult for him to learn. It immensely impacted his ability to cast spells, both of the elemental and the healing variety. It made him susceptible to falling into Stasis. Almost every aspect of his magic that we know of has been affected in some way. The only part of it that still seems perfectly fine (or at least there’s no reason to believe it’s been affected in any way) is his ability to create a ‘sharing link’ to give someone else access to magical abilities.

[longing-and-heartache-and-lust]

Prompt: Going to a Fair Relationships (romantic/platonic/etc): Geralt/Jaskier Rating: Teen Audiences And Up Content Warnings: None Summary: A beautiful thing about Toussaint is the fairs and masquerades the dutchess holds every now and then. And the big canopy beds. Oh, those are the best part.

[This one turned out to a little all over the place but I still really enjoyed writing it. Hope you’ll enjoy it too, my darlings.]

@sugar-and-spice-witcher-bingo

Crossposted on ao3 here

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"Geralt, my love, you look wonderful, stop being so hard on yourself," Jaskier says, wrapping his arms around the witcher's waist and hugging him from the back, locking eyes with him through the mirror.

Geralt doesn't really share the bard's enthusiasm. He's used to his armour, to thick black leather with only a few elements of silver, and that is what feels natural, what feels right.

A dark-crimson - almost wine-red, really - doublet with intricate embroidery in gold thread does not.

He knows that he'd agreed to this himself, knows that Jaskier had told him that if he doesn't want to go, he won't get upset with him and just go with Barnabas-Basil or one of his friends. But Geralt always went out of his way to make his husband happy.

So, naturally, when Jaskier told him that there's going to be a masquerade and a fair in Beauclair, he couldn't say no.

"The dutchess herself is said to be there," Jaskier murmurs against his neck, smiling encouragingly. "I'm sure she will be delighted to see you. After all, we were personally invited, weren't we?"

"Isn't the whole point of a masquerade is for the participants not to recognise each other?" Geralt tries, weakly.

"Oh, don't be like that," Jaskier huffs, waving a hand dissmissingly. "It's going to be fun, I promise. Besides, isn't Regis going to be there?"

That's true, Geralt supposes. Regis is going to be there, which makes the event slightly more bearable. It's always nice to talk to an old friend.

"He is," he hums, adjusting the collar od his shirt. "Going to keep me company when you run off to flirt with the next pretty little thing you see."

Jaskier just laughs at that, circling Geralt to stand in front of him and take his face into his hands, getting a stray strand of silver out of his eyes.

"You know that never leads to anything," he smiles, leaning in to touch the witcher's dry lips with his own. "I can innocently flirt with everyone I see but it's only you I love, my darling. And only you I want."

Geralt does know that. He's not even jealous, never doubting Jaskier's faithfulness but missing an opportunity to tease would've been a waste.

"I know," he finally says, stealing another kiss. "And yet, if the dutchess herself is going to be there... She's got an eye for you, you know. Would be terribly rude of you to turn down such an important woman."

Jaskier snickers and shakes his head, eyes crinkling at the corners.

"Then it's a good thing that she's not going to recognise me."

-

When they arrive, the event is already in full swing.

Jaskier's eyes light up at the music that flows through the garden and the way he squeezes Geralt's hand suddenly makes the entire thing worth it in the witcher's mind.

Jaskier looks breathtaking in his dark-blue silk suit, the silver mask hiding just enough of his face for it to be almost impossible to recognise him yet leaving enough open for Geralt to still have the option of pulling his close and kissing him. in the witcher's mind, it couldn't be more perfect.

"May I hear the password?" asks one of the guards at the gates, his own face hidden behind a mask with a long beak.

"Waterlilies," Jaskier says, repeating what's been written in their invitations.

The guard nods and gestures to the doors.

"If you'll be so kind as to follow me," he says. "Our most generous dutchess Anna Henrietta has arranged a room for you so that you don't have to make a long journey back home at night."

There is nothing about Jaskier's expression - half-hidden by the mask - that gives away his delight but Geralt knows him well enough to be able to smell it on him. Jaskier is, after all, of a noble family, a court man, and Geralt knows just how much he loves it when he's treated like one, even though most of the time he happily trades it for the life on the Path.

Corvo Bianco, it seemed, was the perfect middle ground.

They follow the guard through the garden and into a big, richly decorated estate with stained-glass windows and luscious flowers hanging in big round pots. The guard takes them to the upper floor, opens the door with a key and gestures for Geralt and Jaskier to step inside and make themselves comfortable.

"If there shall be anything you need, the servants are on the ground floor, you need only call," he says, adjusting the cuffs of his sleeves and handing Jaskier the key. "Enjoy your night, gentleman."

With that, he bows and leaves, leaving Jaskier and Geralt alone in the room.

"Oh, this reminds me of home," Jaskier sighs, a smile on his lips as he falls onto a truly enormous canopy bed covered with red velvet.

"Of home?" Geralt echoes, almost feeling out of place in such a rich interior.

"Well, you know, my childhood home," Jaskier says, propping himself up on both elbows. "I have to be honest with you, Geralt, I miss all of this from time to time."

The witcher comes closer, sits on the edge of the bed, runs his hand over the velvet and sighs, content. It does feel nice.

"Do you think we could get a bed like this for the vineyard?" Jaskier asks, pushing him down onto his back and lying down next to him, finding Geralt's hand and bringing it up to his lips to press a kiss to the knuckles. "It's not only amazing to sleep in but also-" his eyes light up behind his mask, and Geralt knows a little too well what that means. "Look at those poles, my love. I could let you tie my wrists to them if you were to wish for it."

Oh, that sounds tempting.

"Hmm," Geralt hums, non-commital. "Sounds intriguing. Though I might need to try first and then decide. After all, finding this kind of bed is not easy."

It takes Jaskier a second to understand what exactly it is that Geralt is saying but then he gasps in mock offence and shoves him in the shoulder with no real force.

"Preposterous!" he gasps, a hand over his heart. "This is the dutchess' cousin's summer residence, and this is, I'm more than sure, the best guest bedroom. Anarietta herself might be sleeping in this bed while visiting."

"Yes," Geralt says simply, knowing that all of that only adds to Jaskier's interest. "And tonight this bed is ours."

-

Before that conversation can take them anywhere, Jaskier demands they go back to the garden.

Geralt doesn't object, just follows the bard down the stairs and helps him adjust his doublet before they step out the door. He feels just a little strange with his hair done up in a complicated bun but then again, Jaskier told him that it will help the witcher be even less recognisable, and there was never anything that Geralt could deny him.

The disguise was, it seemed, working effectively for they've almost bumped into Anarietta - Geralt recognised her by smell - when passing the gates again but she didn't notice them. Or, at least, she didn't come up to them, to Geralt's immeasurable relief. He'd only ever said it to Jaskier but the dutchess was getting on his nerves and if he could avoid her, he gladly did just that.

"There's a Gwent tournament somewhere in the north side of the garden, as far as I'm aware," Jaskier says, making a non-descriptive gesture in the general direction, as they walk past a table with all sorts of baked sweets. "If you're interested."

Even with Jaskier, Geralt feels somewhat out of place at an event like this. And a few rounds of Gwent sound like a perfect way to forget about it.

"Sounds tempting," he says, reaching to brush his fingers over Jaskier's and take his hand into his own. He's still getting used to it. "Though you know I prefer to play with you."

Jaskier rolls his eyes in fond exasperation.

"That's because every time we play, you insist that we play strip Gwent, knowing perfectly that you're a better player than me," he chuckles. "Honestly, Geralt, all you need to do for me to undress is ask."

"I know," the witcher grins, pulling Jaskier closer to shamelessly press a kiss to his cheek. "But where's the fun in that?"

-

He plays a few rounds without Jaskier, winning effortlessly every time while the bard is making new acquaintances by the wine vault where there are multiple tables with all the best blends of reds and whites.

Geralt can't see him but he can hear him, Jaskier's voice soft and beautiful as he tells a group of young women stories about Skellige. They all gasp almost in unison when the bard tells them about that one time when they've been travelling between the islands on a boat and nearly drowned when a pack of sirens toppled it over.

Geralt chuckles to himself, knowing perfect that they were never in any real danger for it was near the coast of And Skellig and if anything happened, fishermen or sailors would've picked them up almost immediately.

Jaskier refers to him as "my husband", not giving away any names, including his own, and every time the witcher hears that, a little piece of his heart seems to melt. It's been more than five years since they've gotten married but in a way, Geralt is still not used to it.

When the time is moving towards late evening, Jaskier joins him at the table, nodding a greeting to Geralt's opponent and leaning down to brush his lips over the witcher's cheek.

"Winning, my love?" he asks, blushing just a little when Geralt pulls him into his lap.

"As usual," he grins, to great displeasure to the man across the table.

Jaskier murmurs something content, throwing his arms around Geralt's neck and sneaking a look at his cards. Geralt tries to hide them from him but the bard scratches his shoulder through the doublet and that's all it really takes for the witcher to give up and let him see.

Geralt's a long-time player and his deck is pretty much as good as it gets, nearly every gold card there is being in his possession but it's the final round and Geralt's opponent's got four cards in hand while as the wither only ahs three. By now it mostly depends on luck. But Jaskier might just know a way to get it onto their side.

"Win this round for me," he murmurs into Geralt's ear, quiet enough only for him to hear. "And I'll think about what you said back in the bedroom."

Geralt's golden eyes light up with a flame that Jaskier knows well enough to know that his words have been effective.

It all goes very fast from there. Though Geralt's only got one gold card in hand, it's a Cirilla card which has the power of fifteen and that is what ends up getting him the win, when the man across the table, with his overall score of sixteen, throws a water card onto the table, making both of Geralt's archers drop from four to one.

He wins by just one point, but he wins.

Jaskier can feel his heart flutter with anticipation as Geralt grins at his opponent, reaching over the table to get the coin they've put up. It's a rather impressive amount. The other player must be a count or something like that.

He's clearly not too happy about losing his gold but he takes it as a good player, standing up and shaking Geralt's hand with a congratulation. Then, he wishes them both a pleasant evening and leaves, waving to someone by the fountain.

"I won," Geralt states, still grinning and oh so pleased with himself. "What was it that you said, bard? If I win, what is it that you're going to think about?"

Jaskier laughs and pulls him into an affectionate kiss, one hand coming up to cup the sharp of the witcher's jaw.

"You just wait until we're back in the bedroom, my dearest."

-

It's closer to midnight when they finally find Regis.

Or, rather, when Regis finds them.

"Fascinating how people always seem to want to disguise themselves," he says instead of a greeting, appearing out of nowhere, just like he always does. "And how they seem more attracted to each other when they don't know who is hiding behind the mask."

He's got a full-black velvet suit on, adorned with raven feathers, and a matching mask that hides most of his face. If it wasn't for his voice, Jaskier would've never recognised him.

"Mystery is always thrilling," the bard smiles, taking a sip of his Est-Est. "There's something irresistibly captivating about a man in a mask. A woman, too, of course, but women are mysterious creatures in general."

Regis nods knowingly and also raises his wineglass.

"Yes, women are... A mystery no man will ever solve."

They all fall silent for a couple of moments, and even though Jaskier knows that Geralt is thinking about Yennefer, there is no more pain. There hasn't been, for years now.

It took them a long time to figure it all out, to talk everything over, and though it would come with tears what seemed like every time, eventually, it was all over. And it brought them so close that if Jaskier had to go through all of that again twice, he would.

"Well, my dearest friends," Regis finally says, breaking the silence. "I've heard that there are prize-winning games starting at midnight, would you care to join me in testing my luck?"

-

Regis turns out to be a rather talented fisherman.

That is, given that what he's fishing for is a gold ring with a bright-red ruby in the centre - one of the three main possible prizes in the game.

The other players look at him with both jealousy and fascination, loud applause echoing through the garden.

Regis looks very pleased with himself - as much as Jaskier can tell, keeping the mask in mind - but it's only when they leave the deck of the pond that he asks for Jaskier's hand and places the ring into his palm.

"Beautiful work," he says, closing Jaskier's hand around the ring before he has the chance to refuse. "But it just so happens that gold suits you better, my friend."

"Regis-" Jaskier breathes out. "I cannot accept this. You've won it, it's yours."

Regis smiles - one of those tight-lipped smiles of his that doesn't show his teeth.

"I'm afraid I must insist," he says. "If it puts your mind at ease, I don't wear jewellery at all. It gets in the way of making my medications."

"Of making your moonshine, you meant to say," Geralt chuckles teasingly.

"The most effective out of all of my elixirs, my friend."

Jaskier knows said elixir a little too well and shakes his head with a fond smile, opening his hand to examine the ring closer.

"Thank you, Regis," he smiles. "I shall treasure this gift forever."

-

Geralt refrains from any other games, saying that he's very happy with his winnings from Gwent and doesn't want to push his luck any further.

Jaskier, however, overhears that there is a bardic competition about to start and he nearly runs, having grabbed Geralt by the hand. They get there just in time for him to take one on the last remaining places.

All of the participants are given their preferred instruments and are told to improvise for three and a half minutes. Whoever comes up with the best song and gets the loudest applause, shall win five long ribbons of the finest Toussaint silk that the winner can then take to a seamstress and get their clothes adorned. Jaskier's eyes shine like the stars above when he sees the royal-blue ribbon.

Geralt and Regis take their places in the audience, the witcher secretly worried, and try their absolute best at hyping Jaskier up by rolling their eyes at the other participant's songs to indicate just how non-impressive all of those attempts are.

Jaskier smiles at them from behind his mask and giggles when Regis implies that he's so bored by one of the songs that he's about to turn into smoke and disappear.

When it comes to Jaskier's turn, the bard adjusts the collar of his doublet and the cuffs of his sleeves, stands up because he hates to perform sitting down, runs his fingers over the lute strings and takes his first note, practised and beautiful, as always.

He sings about two people meeting at a masquerade and falling on love with each other immediately. Sings about them kissing in the dark alleyways of the garden and promising each other the stars. And sings about them not recognising each other when they cross paths the next morning while also searching for one another. They part, having nearly touched hands at the gates, to always look for each other, aching with love, but never meet again.

By the time Jaskier touches the strings one last time, half the audience is wiping at their eyes, including Regis.

It's an immediate win and Jaskier shines with it when the judge hands him his silk ribbons and compliments both his singing and his lyrics.

"Such a beautiful story," Regis says when Jaskier joins them. "Tragic romance is never going to get old."

Geralt can almost smell Jaskier's blush.

"Thank you, my dearest," he smiles, only a little coy. "I'm going to make sure to write more pieces like this."

-

When they part, it's nearly dawn.

Most of the games and shows are over, the tables with food and wine nearly empty, and all the guests start slowly making their way home.

Jaskier isn't necessarily tired but he's grateful to all the gods he knows that there is no need to ride back to Corvo Bianco.

When they're saying their goodbyes, Geralt invites Regis to come visit them for a day or two - or even a week, he says - and Regis, in turn, suggest they come visit him at his crypt. Jaskier realises that they've knows each other for so long now that it doesn't even sound strange to him.

Nearly all the guests are already gone when they get back to their room.

"Remind me to send a note to the dutchess to express our gratitude for being so considerate," Jaskier says, shrugging off his doublet and rolling his sore shoulders.

Geralt just hums, non-commital.

"That song you've played," he says, letting his hair down which is a gorgeous sight to see. "Had it really been an improvised one?"

Jaskier blushes under the gaze of his golden eyes, untying the laces of his mask. Geralt's always read him like an open book.

"No," he admits, averting his eyes when the witcher comes closer. "I've composed it a few weeks ago, when we've just gotten the invitations."

"Hmm," Geralt hums again, his half-grin making Jaskier's heart stutter for what seems like the millionth time. "Thought of me?"

The bard blushes even further, grateful the dim light of the fireplace is making it less apparent.

"Always think of you," he says, leaning into the touch when Geralt hugs him from the back and noses at his neck.

Geralt breathes a pleased noise against his neck, low and rumbling, knowing a little too well just how much of a weakness it is for the bard.

"Of course you do," he murmurs, undoing the buttons of Jaskier's shirt one by one without looking and leaving long hot kisses on his neck.

Jaskier lets out a shaky breath, throwing his head onto Geralt's shoulder and just forgetting about everything else for a few long moments before the witcher slips the shirt from his own shoulders to take it off, and he has to put the silk ribbons he's still holding down. They're all incredibly beautiful, they really are but as he sets them down onto a small round table, it's a pale-lilac one that catches his eye.

"What are you going to do with them?" Geralt enquires, letting the fabric of Jaskier's shirt fall to their feet and trailing his kisses down, onto his shoulders. "Order a new doublet from the court seamstress? Or change up one of those that you already have?"

Jaskier picks the lilac ribbon up, unties the bow that's keeping it folded, wraps it around his wrist once, twice, and pulls to see how it feels. The silk is pleasantly cool against his skin.

He bites his lips and turns around in Geralt's arms to lock eyes with him and run his hand through his hair.

"I might have a better idea."

[vampire--dad]

Can’t Win A Battle For A Lost Cause - Part 1

Part 2

I don’t think I’ve ever written something so quickly, wow

I just love writing Lambert. I love exploring his character and breaking it down. And of course, as with any of my favourite characters, I love hurting him :DD

——————

Fucking vampires.

Monsters are so much easier to deal with when they’re stupid, like nekkers. Nekkers are idiots that would probably walk into a sword on their own if you gave them the chance. Vampires are smart, which is half the reason Lambert hates taking contracts on them. They know how to hide, or even worse, they know when they don’t need to. The whole damn duchy knows the duke’s new wife is a vampire, but none can get close enough to kill her. So what do they do? They hire a witcher, someone who can add more fuel to this political bonfire and walk away unscathed, right? Yeah, sure, that’s what we’ll go with.

From this spot in the lower gardens of the duke’s mansion, Lambert can see the vampire on the balcony. The guards are well aware that he’s there, they’re the ones that hired him, but they couldn’t let him inside in case a servant alerted the duke of an unwanted visitor. So here he sits, hidden among the bushes, watching. She’s ballsy, this vampire, sinking her teeth into his neck under the moonlight. The power she has over the duchy must have gone to her head, or the blood, but he knows he can’t underestimate her. Blood is almost like alcohol for a higher vampire, but that doesn’t mean she’ll be weak, if anything, this is going to be even more of a pain in the ass.

The duke stumbles back into their bedroom and the creature turns her face to the moon, her skin a ghostly white and nearly shimmering under the pale light. It seems to pass right through her, as she casts no shadow. Lambert shifts his weight under him and stays low as he creeps along the wall. The ivy that clings to the bricks is strong enough for him to haul himself up to the balcony. As quiet as he can try to be, he’d be an idiot to think she didn’t notice him.

“Tell me, witcher,” she says, opening her icy blue eyes but not turning away from the sky. “How much did they offer you for my head? I’d like to know how much they thought I’d be worth.”

“Looking to buy your way out of this?” Lambert replies. “I’ll warn you, it won’t be cheap.”

“Please, witcher. Killing you will be easier… and more fun.”

Lambert barely has time to roll his eyes before the vampire launches herself at him and they tumble over the edge of the balcony. He was really hoping she wouldn’t say that. He hits the ground with a grunt, barely holding the snarling duchess back. He mumbles something under his breath and suddenly she is launched across the garden, hitting the far wall and slumping against it for a moment. Lambert draws his sword and rolls his neck, considering what he might do with his reward for killing her. Well, not that he can really kill her. Hopefully her body being burned will teach her a lesson while she spends a few decades regenerating.

Her head lolls for a moment, but then she becomes very still. Her neatly manicured nails grow into long, razor sharp claws. The delicate features of her face are drawn back into a hideous, animalistic form. She lifts her head with a disgusting grin. Lambert centres himself and raises his sword as she launches herself at him once again. The duke’s blood has her all riled up. She’s crazed, swiping her claws at him and screeching, only to be met with his blade, at the very least redirecting her attacks away from his body. The witcher can’t risk taking his eyes off her for a second, lest he lose an arm to her talons. She’s lightning fast, but she is at a disadvantage. If she slips up, his sword will tear through her like paper.

His blade catches against her arm. She roars, more out of indignation than pain, but her pause gives him an opening. He surges forwards and his blade plunges through her lithe figure, lodged just beneath her ribcage. A crimson stain blooms across her abdomen and her breath leaves her lungs suddenly. Her claws recede, followed by the rough features of her face. She assumes the gentle beauty she used to get herself into this mess in the first place. Lambert smirks cruelly and cocks his head.

“Fucking vampires. You’re all the same,” he says. “You all think you’re the biggest and baddest thing out there. It’s pathetic, really, how cocky you all are. I’ve faced far worse things than you, sweetheart. You really think your kind is the worst on the Continent?”

His words light a cold fire in her dying eyes. She grins, baring her fangs.

“See for yourself.”

She grips the hilt of his sword and pulls herself into it, the blade sliding through her body with an obscene sound. With the last of her strength she throws her weight forward, opens her mouth and latches onto Lambert’s neck. He groans out a curse, expecting to feel a drag against his skin. He’s been bitten before, but those before her quickly learned that witcher blood tastes vile. But he feels no such drag from his veins, rather he feels a burning sensation spreading across his skin. Suddenly he feels dizzy and short of breath. He feels her smile wickedly against his throat. His knees buckle beneath him. The last thing he hears is a cruel laugh, a sputtering cough, and the sound of his own body hitting the ground.

Lambert wakes with a yelp in an unfamiliar room. He grips the sheets and feels something sharp pressing into his palm through the linen. As he recoils, he notices the pointed nails on his fingers and frowns. Then his memory comes flooding back.

The vampire. His hand finds a bandage wrapped loosely around his neck. She bit him, but didn’t feed. No, he felt something going in instead. It burned like hellfire through his veins. He vaguely remembers being picked up by the guards… then everything ached… he vomited a few times, he thinks. It wasn’t unlike the trials that made him a witcher. With wide eyes he stumbles out of the bed and, in the soft light from the window, looks for a shadow. Nothing. He looks up at the window now, expecting to see his reflection, but yet again, there is nothing.

Shit.

Shit.

He runs his tongue over his teeth and tastes blood. His canines have grown long and sharp.

Fuck.

She turned him. He’s a vampire.

He runs a hand through his hair. What the fuck is he meant to do now? He was made to hunt monsters, it’s all he knows, and now… he is one. Destiny really can’t give him a fucking break, huh? He sighs and sits back down on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands. What are his brothers going to think? They wouldn’t try to hurt him… would they? He’s their brother…

He stops that train of thought the moment tears threaten to well up in his eyes. Now isn’t the time. He needs to figure out what to do. Perhaps there’s someone who can help him… His mind wanders back to his brother’s, but instead of getting emotional, he latches onto a vague memory. Geralt’s friend, what was his name…? Regis. That was it. A higher vampire that Geralt had befriended on his search for Ciri all those years ago. He mentioned he had taken up residence in Nilfgaard. Lambert can think of no better person to go to than another vampire.

Well, he can. He wants to go to his brothers. He wants to find them and just hear them say that they still love him. That’s all he wants and all he fears he won’t get. How could anyone love him like this?

Lambert shakes his head and stands, finding his things in the corner of the room. His medallion rests atop his jacket. He puts it on and clutches it to his chest, ignoring the feeling that he shouldn’t wear it at all. He dresses quickly, collects his things, and emerges from the room into a shop he recognises. The healer’s. He bought a few herbs from the woman who now stands at her workbench across the room. She looks up at him with a friendly smile.

“You’re up,” she states. “Good. How do you feel?”

“I’m fine,” he lies quickly. “I should be on my way.”

“A moment, witcher. I assure you I won’t breathe a word of it, but… can witchers be turned if they’re bitten by a vampire?”

“No,” he lies once again. “Our bodies reject their… venom, I guess you could call it. We can’t be turned.”

He notices her glance at the floor behind him as he makes for the door.

“Very well,” she says carefully. “I wish you the best in your travels.”

Nilfgaard, to Regis’ surprise, is quite peaceful. Winneburg is a big enough place for him to fade into the background, but small enough that he doesn’t run the risk of getting involved in any silly political games again. His home is humble, but thankfully filled with books and things to keep the endless days passing by quicker.

It came as a relief to him to live a normal life again, or at least the mirage of one. He is generally regarded as one of the more reliable surgeons in town, as he had studied enough to know that blood-letting and leeches never work and opts for the use of medicinal herbs and salves for wounds. After all, he’d had almost 400 years to perfect his trade.

He knows he has a visitor well before the knock at the door sounds through the small house. He hears footsteps, hurried and nervous. Regis closes his book and sets it aside, expecting someone in need of his care. Instead, on the other side of the door stands a witcher. He has dark brown hair, a scar across his right eye, and he wears the same medallion that he saw around the neck of an old friend.

There’s a look in the man’s yellow eyes he’s never seen in a witcher before. Fear. Geralt was good at hiding his emotions, brilliant at it. Over the years he saw many things in his friends’ eyes; joy, despair, anger, content, but never fear. That was the one thing he never showed. But this one seems unable to hide it.

“Regis?” he asks.

“Yes, witcher?”

Given a moment to analyse the man before him, Regis quickly realises why he is here. Small details give him away. The bluish tint to his skin that makes him look far paler than he should be. The small cuts around his lips. The pointed nails that he digs into his palms as he looks around nervously.

“I need your help,” he pleads.

“I know. Come in, we have much to discuss.”

He stands aside and lets the man in, noticing the tension in his shoulders and the bags under his eyes. It’s not uncommon to see such things when someone is turned, but he’s never seen a witcher turned. He can’t imagine what this must be like for him.

“What is your name, witcher?” he asks as he closes the door.

“Lambert,” he says. “I’m one of Geralt’s brothers.”

Regis can’t help a small smile as he says, “Yes, I do remember him mentioning you. He spoke of his little brother quite fondly.”

Lambert seems to grow even more nervous at the mention of his brother. Regis drops the subject and gets to the point.

“How long ago were you bitten?”

“A week or so.”

“Where? Show me, it’s not uncommon for bites to get infected.”

Lambert sheds his leather jacket and rubs his neck before tilting his head to bare the scar. He had spent what little coin he could spare on a new jacket with a higher collar. Regis notes his lack of eye contact. Anxiety isn’t a good look on a witcher.

“That healed quite nicely, actually. Of course. Now, where was this?”

“A duchy in Maecht. The duke’s new wife was a higher vampire. She was slowly draining him of—”

Lambert pauses and curses under his breath. His fingers come away from his lips bloody.

“Pull your fangs back a little,” Regis says. “It should feel like tensing the roof of your mouth, and it might hurt a bit, but try it.”

Lambert finally looks up at him with a look of surprise, like he didn’t expect to be met with compassion. He makes an odd face as he tries, then clamps a hand over his mouth and squeezes his eyes shut. Regis chuckles slightly.

“I told you it would hurt.”

“Yeah, a bit…” Lambert grumbles

“You’ll get used to it. Now, a higher vampire in Maecht? What has become of her?” Regis asks.

“I assume the duke’s guards burned her body like I told them to. It’ll at least put her out of action for a few decades.”

“Good. I assume you know there is nothing I can do for you in terms of curing you—”

“Yes, I know,” Lambert snaps. “I just… I needed someone to… I needed…”

Now that he thinks of it, he can’t explain exactly why he came here. He just thought seeking out someone who knew better than he did what was happening to him would be a good idea.

“Guidance,” Regis finishes for him, his tone comforting and soft. “That is what you’re looking for. Guidance and reassurance. Would I be right in thinking so?”

Lambert nods meekly. Regis offers him a comforting smile.

“Fret not, dear witcher,” he says. “You can stay with me while you find your footing. I may not have been turned myself, but I can understand what this must be like for you.”

Lambert resembles a puppy more closely than a wolf. He looks far more vulnerable than Regis had ever pictured him. Geralt had described a man with biting humour, a tendency for sharp remarks, and more often than not, a cruel smirk. But the man Regis sees before him is, for lack of a better word, broken.

“Thank you, Regis,” he mumbles, rubbing his neck again.

“Come, Lambert. Let’s get you settled in. I have a spare room, you can stay as long as you like.”

——————

Tags: @elliestormfound @jaskierswolf @lovelyeskel @feral-jaskier @patchwork-doublet

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[queenxxxsupreme]

hey! been feeling a bit down lately (started a new medication and with the quarantine too im hyperconscious abt my weight), would you be able to do a fic with either dettlaff or regis reassuring the reader of their appearance?:) tysm!! -🔮

A/N: Oh babe, I can relate to this so much. I chose Dettlaff for this!

You frowned as you looked down at the red gown pooled at your feet. It wasn’t going past your hips. 

You checked to make sure the gown was unlaced completely before trying again. You silently prayed to the gods that the dress would slide up over your hips. You needed this dress to fit! There was a celebration coming up- a party for Geralt’s child surprise -and you needed to be able to wear this gown. It was your favorite, as well as Dettlaff’s. The dark red silk was his favorite, and then the black lace around the bottoms of the sleeves and the bust worked perfectly with Dettlaff’s attire. 

You sighed in frustration as the dress refused to go over your hips. You let it fall to the floor and stepped out of it. 

You looked at yourself in the mirror a little closer, paying attention to your hips. Admittedly, you had gotten bigger. Your clothes fit tighter than usual as of late, but you didn’t think you gained that much. 

Your stomach twisted up at the thought. What if Dettlaff noticed? What if he was disgusted by the way you looked? Surely he was too much of a gentleman to mention it to you. 

As dark thoughts began to invade your mind, you changed into more comfortable clothes, a pair of sleeping trousers and one of Dettlaff’s shirts. 

You moved out of the bedroom, wrapping your arms tightly around yourself. 

Dettlaff sat in his favorite chair in the living room, reading a book. He looked up when he saw you. 

“Did you….” He trailed off when you didn’t look in his direction. It was like you had one goal in mind and that was to get to the kitchen. He took note of the frown on your lips and the way a crinkle formed between your brows. “What’s wrong, darling?”

You shook your head, not trusting your voice enough to speak. 

He closed his book to focus on you. You went to retrieve the kettle and put water into it. Then you hung it on the hook over the fire. 

“Darling, come sit, please.” He patted his thigh, concerned that you weren’t looking at him. 

But still, you shook your head. You retrieved your favorite mug from the cabinet and placed it on the counter. As you waited for the kettle to whistle, you looked down on the empty mug. You couldn’t bring yourself to look at your dear husband. 

“Y/N.” He murmured. “Tell me what’s wrong, please. Why won’t you come sit on my lap while you wait for the water to heat up?”

“I don’t want to hurt you.” You mumbled, but he could hear every word perfectly. 

“I’m sorry, my dear. I’m afraid I don’t understand. How would you hurt me?”

You let out a heavy sigh, bringing your eyes up to look at the fire in the hearth. Your heart hammered in your chest. You were sure he could hear it. 

“Because I’m too big. I’ll hurt you sitting on your lap.” You turned to put your back to him, unable to chance seeing his beautiful blue eyes. 

But Dettlaff was behind you before you had a chance to get very far. His hand, though large and rough in texture, gently grabbed your arm and turned you around to face him. 

“Why would you ever think such a silly thing?” His deep baritone was soft and gentle, carrying a tone that made you nearly melt right then and there. 

You shook your head and tried to look away, to look anywhere but at him. He won’t let you though. 

Tears welled in your eyes and poured down your cheeks before you had a chance to stutter out some excuse. 

Dettlaff said nothing. His arms wrapped around you and he pulled you into his chest, wrapping his arms securely around you. As your shoulders jolted and shook with your pitiful sobs, he held you. His hand found the back of your head, cradling you to his chest. 

“Hush, my love.” He kissed the side of your head. “You’re going to make yourself sick getting so worked up.”

Your fingers clutched at his tunic. You were fearful. Fearful that if you let him go, he’d disappear. Fearful that when you pulled away, he’d agree with what you said. Fearful that he’d finally see just how unfit you were for him. Fearful that he’d see all of your flaws. 

Dettlaff was patient with you, brushing his fingers over your hair and sometimes kissing just above your ear. 

He waited until your sobs had died down, waited for those little hiccups to still. Then he pulled away from you and looked down at you. You tilted your head down, eyes focusing on the moth brooch Regis had given him. You always admired the pin. It was so beautiful, and it perfectly fit Dettlaff. 

But the higher vampire wanted to be able to see your eyes. His hands wrapped around your hips and he lifted you up onto the counter. Then he settled between your thighs. 

He was silent at first, carefully brushing stray tears from your cheeks and swiping your hair out of your eyes. 

“What makes you think you are too big?” He softly asked. You closed your eyes for a moment, taking a shaky deep breath in. 

“I-I can’t fit my red dress anymore. The one that you like so much. I can’t even get it over my hips, Dettlaff.” You cried quietly, shaking your head. “That’s your favorite dress, and-and I used to think it looked so good on me and fit me so well, but now-now I can’t even get it on!”

“Oh, my dear.” He cupped your face with one large hand, brushing his thumb along the apple of your cheek. “It’s just a dress. We can have it tailored to fit you now. There is plenty of time before the celebration to have it fixed. All is not lost.”

“That’s- Dettlaff, that’s not the point.” You breathed out. “I’ve gotten fat and I’m ugly.”

The look that crossed his face made your stomach churn. He was heartbroken. How could you believe you were ugly? To him, you were the most beautiful being he’d ever set eyes on. A masterpiece crafted by the gods. It hurt him to know that you thought so poorly of yourself.

“My darling, your beauty isn’t measured by your weight.”

“How can you think I’m not some fucking cow, Dettlaff?” You didn’t mean to raise your voice at him. You were just frustrated. Was he lying to you? He had to be. 

“I happen to think you are perfect.” He whispered, unable to speak much louder. “Yes, you’ve gained weight but you are healthy. You are well. You aren’t any less beautiful because of it.”

His hands found your thighs, fingers curling gently in as if to grip you tight. 

“You are absolutely stunning, Y/N. You are an angelic being built perfectly for me.” He leaned his head down to kiss your forehead. “Your thighs, my gods.” He paused for a moment, inhaling deeply. He rested his forehead against yours. Your eyes fluttered shut as you leaned into him. 

“There is no feeling I enjoy more in this world than when your thighs are wrapped tightly around me.”

You smiled just a little, feeling a heat rise to your cheeks. 

“And your hips, they fit perfectly in my hands.”

“It’s cause you’ve got big hands.” You muttered, but a smile tugged at the corners of your lips. You opened your eyes as he pulled away from you. You met his warm gaze. He wore a little smile of his own. 

“Perhaps I have big hands so that I could properly hold you.” He thought out loud. “Perhaps, when the gods were creating me, they had you in mind as my mate. Have you ever thought of that?”

Your lips parted with the thought. What if that was true? It made you warm and tingly to think that he was made specifically for you. 

“There is no part of you that I will ever not love with all I have, my dear.” Dettlaff assured you, leaning down to gently kiss your lips. “And it just breaks my heart to know you think so lowly of yourself. You are beautiful and nearly every time I lay eyes on you, you steal my breath away.”

“Dettlaff.” You whispered, bringing your hand up to cover your mouth. “Stop it.”

“Not until you believe me.” He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you to the edge of the counter. “Now, while you wait for your tea to heat up, let me read to you.”

Before you could object, Dettlaff picked you up and took you over to his chair.

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[a-world-in-grey]

Galahdian Gemstones

@secret-engima because headcanons (and I’d like your input on gemstone selections). Two sections - headcanons on Clan Stones, and some history stuff.

-Clan Stones.

-Like Clan Colors, each Clan has a gemstone or pair of gemstones that identify them. These stones are worn in their Clan Braid, usually the first bead in the braid (though some Clans wear theirs at the end, like the Ostium joiners or the Furia), followed by personal beads.

-Certain Clans do share one of their Stones, but each Clan has at least one of their stones unique to them and them alone that serves as their main Clan Stone. So, from the top to the bottom (not including pictures because this post is long enough):

-Altius: Chalcedony/Sunstone. There aren’t very many grey gemstones, but grey Chalcedony is very pretty, especially when banded (striped). For an orange stone, I headcanon sunstone because of my hcs of them being blood of Ifrit’s Blessed, and because it’s a very pretty gem. I headcanon sunstone being their main Stone, because they are one of two Clans that have Orange as a Clan Color. (Second choice for the Altius grey stone would be grey moonstone, without the blue sheen, to contrast the sunstone.)

-Arra: Alexandrite. The Arra are one of the Clans to have a single stone that represents both of their Clan Colors, as alexandrite (though in-verse it’s probably called something different) changes color from green to purple depending on the type of lighting. A suitably subtle gem for a subtle Clan.

-Bellum: Carnelian/Dumortierite. Dumortierite is a pretty blue stone that I chose because of the name - dumortier is a French surname meaning death, though the in-verse name is likely different. Carnelian is their main stone since they are the only Clan with Red as a Clan Color (primary or secondary), and every Bellum is willing to Throw Hands at the drop of a hat.

-Bestia: Chrysoberyl. Again, probably a different name in-verse, but this pretty stone comes in both yellow and green. The yellow is likely their main Stone.

-Canere: Sapphire. Specifically color changing sapphire, which like alexandrite, changes color in different light. Color changing sapphire changes between blue and purple.

-Carduus: Moonstone. Blue moonstone is a silvery-grey stone with a blue sheen, representing both the Blue and Grey colors of the Carduus, as well as harkening back to their original Secondary Color of Silver. (My second choice for them would be Labradorite, which is a dark-grey stone with flashes of blue and green, though blue is the most common and what the Carduus would reserve for their beads.)

-Furia: Pearl. Pearls come in a variety of natural colors, though as a rule they tend to be fairly pale. I headcanon that the Furia are the only Clan to wear pearls as hair beads, and few outside the Furia wear pearls as jewelry, most of them being Lazarus, Arra, Praesidium, and the occasional Canere. Furia wear orange and blue pearls as their Clan Stones, and make quite the profit selling the white and pink pearls to the Mainland. 

-Khara: Purple/Yellow Jade. Purple jade (known as Turkiyenite) is only 40-60% jadeite and so not technically classified as such. However, this is fiction so we can do whatever, and it’s very pretty. The purple jade is their main Stone.

-Lazarus: Citrine/Quartz. Quartz comes in a variety of colors, including grey. Citrine would be their main Stone. (Alternate grey stone would be chalcedony, which they could feasibly share with the Altius, since chalcedony is really common.)

-Ornata: Lapis Lazuli. While mostly blue, lapis lazuli is known for its gold flecks. (While I really like this stone, I know it’s not necessarily a perfect fit, so another option could be topaz - which comes in both yellow and blue varieties.)

-Ostium: Tanzanite/Onyx. The Ostium are one of the only clans that place their Clan Stone at the end of their braid - the black onyx joiners are the hallmark of the Ostium Clan. Onyx also comes in green, which is what Ostium Braincells wear to designate that they’ve got an Ulric to cluck after.

-Praesidium: Azurite/Malachite. These two stones often form near each other and mixed together, resulting in a pretty and vibrant blue and green stone. Praesidium are the only Clan to have two Clan Stones they are known by, with azurite and malachite being worn in equal amounts alongside the azurite/malachite mixes.

-Tibiae: Quartz/Emerald. Contrary to what one might think, emerald is actually this Clan’s main Stone. Because that Clan needs a warning label, and it’s the only one they are going to give you. (Other options for green stones could be chrysoprase or peridot. Could also use chalcedony or grey moonstone for grey stones.)

-Ulric: Onyx/Charoite. Ulrics share onyx with the Ostium, the latter wearing it after picking up the Black Clan Color from the Ulrics. However, the Ulric main Stone is charoite. (An alternate purple stone is amethyst, but I think charoite is prettier and generally prefer semi-precious stones to precious stones.)

-(Astrum: Obsidian/Heliodore. Differing from the other Clans in that their Stones come from the Lucian mainland. Their main Stone is their obsidian joiner, similar to the Ostium.)

-History headcanons!

-Galahd is rich in gemstones and metals. Much like real-life Myanmar, Galahd has just about every kind of gemstone imaginable, with the exception of diamonds (which Galahdians don’t really wear anyway).

-As such, before the Burning it is very common for every Galahdian to wear precious and semi-precious stones for their braids and jewelry.

-Now, I headcanon that before Lucis folded Galahd into the Empire, mining was not a huge business in Galahd. Oh, it was definitely a viable profession, but the Clans didn’t use a lot of gemstones, and generally weren’t picky about what they did mine up. The best quality went to making beads, and the rest went to jewelry.

-After being ‘conquered’ by Lucis, well. Wealthy Lucians were highly interested in the ‘untapped resources’. Now, depending on how dark you want to take things, this could go a couple different ways. We’ll start with the least nasty, because why not.

-First possibility is that Galahd is able to dictate the trade of Galahdian gemstones. They present a selection for sale, and the Lucian traders buy what they want. Trying to pressure the Galahdians into offering more/higher quality Does Not Happen, because the first attempts are shut down hard by the Galahdians and the Crown slaps down any armed hostilities from breaking out because We Do Not Fight The Jungle Children FOR THE LOVE OF THE SIX. This likely results in some resentment from the Lucians and wariness from the Galahdians, but nothing too drastic.

-Second possibility, still fairly light, but a bit darker, is that the Lucians’ offers for high quality gems drives local prices up, making it harder for Galahdians to sell/buy their own gems. As such, local gems become much more scarce, until they are almost exclusively reserved for Clan Beads. This scenario is going to breed a fair amount of resentment from the Galahdians towards the Lucian mainland, specifically the nobility/wealthy.

-Third possibility, which is very dark, is that Lucian corporate interests manage to get a foothold in Galahd, and begin large mining operations - either with their own Lucian workers or with locals. Lucian workers would be paid more, lured by a promise of making money, but clashes between the workers and locals would be higher. Galahdian workers would likely be paid far less, and oh boy would that breed it’s own resentment, but there would be less possible conflict between Galahdians and Lucians, other than overseers management. This is going to breed a lot of resentment, to the point of possible outright rebellion from the Galahdians.

-Then we have Niflheim occupying Galahd. And things get a whole lot worse. Because Niflheim is only going to see the potential profit from Galahd’s gemstone resources and won’t care how they get it.

-In the darkest scenario, take that third possibility, and crank it up to eleven. Large scale environmental destruction, forced work in the mines, and pittance pay. Exploitation at its worst. Galahdians likely had to hide their Stones or have them confiscated by Niflheim overseers and sold overseas, and you can bet the Nifs would dig up the Galahdian dead just to get at those beads too. The Galahdians wouldn’t be allowed to keep any of the stones they mined either. Not even the inferior quality stone unsuited for jewelry - Niflheim would have dumped it in the sea just to spite them.

-(Look, there’s a reason Galahd hates Mors for pulling the Wall and leaving them to Niflheim’s ‘mercy’. There’s a reason the Galahdian refugees can’t go home, even after almost twenty years post-Burning. There’s a reason so many refugees left, even before the Burning. Why so many chose to fight for a mainlander king. Why so many Betrayed Regis when he surrendered to Niflheim. Why Luche and the others took Niflheim’s deal.)

-During the Occupation, there was probably resistance and rebellion everywhere Niflheim turned, until they decided to cut their losses and Burn it all. (Perhaps they were losing too many workers. Or perhaps they’d exhausted the mines and didn’t care to look for new ones.)

-In Lucis, any refugees likely had to sell their Stones just to survive. Those that didn’t wouldn’t be allowed to wear them if they lived in Insomnia, because of the Sumptuary Laws or for fear of being arrested on charges of theft. (And even if the charges were dropped, many of the stones confiscated as ‘evidence’ were coincidentally ‘lost’.) For those that lost their Stones, replacing them is near impossible - either they are too expensive, impossible to find, or in most cases both.

-Which is when carved and painted wooden beads become the norm.

[gayregis]

Hi! I've followed your blog for a while and love your individual takes. Can you do a succinct character study of Milva? I'm thinking of writing with her soon. (Bonus points if you could hypothesise how she'd intereact with other witchers of Kaer Morhen).

i have awakened

to me, milva represents the dichotomy and conflict between vulnerability and strength. she’s an inversion / subversion of the “action girl” trope - the girl in a group of guys who is just as badass as any of them... (more information on the trope here and here). the trope of the action girl is also intended to be sexy and conform to the expectations of the viewer, still feminine in appearance or having a “glow up” moment where she discovers femininity and is happy with it.

milva stops all of this bullshit in its tracks in manyw ays. primarily, she is not perfect and infalliably strong. instead of being capable in everything with no real depth or difficulty, she actually struggles immensely and has many self-percieved flaws and insecurities. just because she’s a badass in combat doesn’t mean she doesn’t have emotions. she berates herself, particularly in baptism of fire, multiple times for being illiterate / uneducated / “simple”, as well as a woman. throughout baptism of fire (the only book of the series where she actually got any development, let’s be honest) she is faced with her insecurities extensively. 

milva was raised in a very traditional sodden peasantry upbringing, from which she was taught lessons about how men and women are expected to and “should” act. she rebelled from this, seeking ways in which she could not conform to the expectations of womanhood - she prides herself on her strength, which is her skill at archery. when she is reduced to her gender, she becomes indignant and volatile as she should: we can see this possibly best demonstrated when she punched cloggy for his misogynistic demands to her, and gave him a concussion with one punch. she reacted in this way not only because his views were bigotedm but because she has spent her entire life saying, “i’m not what people expect of a woman, i’m not!”

thus goes that when she had to reveal her pregnancy to the group, she was ashamed of herself and very insecure. she had spent much effort rebelling from “traditional feminine roles”, but now was restricted to exactly that - pregancy, which is a role of a “traditional woman” in her cultural gender norms. as she says to geralt, she compares herself now to a chicken, instead of a red kite (a “milva” in elder speech, and “milvus milvus” in real life scientific terminology). she took the name red kite because it’s a bird of prey, it’s ferocious! it kills without looking back... and she felt then that she “got herself stuck” in a situation where she was expected to care and nurture - the complete opposite of what she has based her identity around. this is the dichotomy of maria, her birth name, and milva, her chosen name. when she reveals her pregnancy to geralt, she refers to herself resentfully as “a millstone, a typical bloody woman!” because she resents herself for being now tied to the social expectations of womanhood through her pregnancy.

additionally, her pregnancy showed that she can be swayed by social pressures, or was at once swayed - instead of laughing in the face of traditional femininity, she felt pressured to act as the she-elf in the scoia’tel squad did, she was socially pressured into having sex with a man. her pregnancy is a result of her exposing herself to a traditional feminine role (which she didn’t enjoy, but now still has the consequences of).

she likely felt too guilty to abort the pregnancy because childbearing and rearing is an expectation traditionally placed upon women.

she continued to travel with geralt after she found out that his quest was to save his daughter, because her logic was that if she would lose her own child because she did not want to carry the pregnancy to term, she could at least endavour to save geralt’s child - it would be “a life for a life,” rather than just having an abortion on her own and “losing a child” without ‘making it up somehow’ (again, conservative ideas, because that’s how she was raised and precisely what she is trying to outgrow in her character development).

(this excerpt is from another ask i answered about milva’s pregnancy)

what her development is, is accepting that she can simply exist as herself outside of the confines of social pressures. she has to ask herself what SHE wants, not what other people want or expect from her. instead of trying to rebel from what her traditional society wants from a woman, or trying to follow the needs of a man (geralt), she has to do what she wants for herself. for example, in tower of the swallow, she cuts her virgin’s plait because “she’s not a virgin, nor a widow.” this can be seen as her growing away from the expectations of a virgin, being open about the fact that she is no longer a virgin, but still conforming to the societal standards which surround them.

milva’s other subversions of the action girl trope come from being independently masculine (instead of “i learned it from my brother”) ... she learned archery from her father, but he died when she was young, so she didn’t receive mentorship far into her childhood. another way she subverts her trope is that the action girl usually is fanservice-y and is thus pretty much a “sexy lamp”: i.e., a sexual object (”if you can take out a female character and replace her with a sexy lamp “). she comes off as a real person with deep emotions, so that rules out being a lamp. additionally, she is sexy as in she is attractive, but she is not meant to be a romantic interest for geralt or any of the other male characters. she does not wear feminine clothing ever (refused to get into a dress in lady of the lake), she wears men’s clothing which is remarked upon several times. 

milva also is independent out of survival. when her father died and her mother remarried, her stepfather abused her, and her mother did not stand up for her. in self-defense, she beat her stepfather to death and ran away from home. she’s been mostly along since then, hunting alone, though she collaborates heavily with the dryads of brokilon and scoia’tel commandos. she has a difficult time trusting others to have her best at heart, because no one has ever looked out for her besides herself.

other (obvious, but important to state) character traits include:

directness. why say three dozen words, when three will do? she doesn’t beat around the bush and will say the truth without mincing words or making pleasantries.

short temper, and impulsiveness. her exhausted gaze became that of a wolf. don’t fuck with her. sometimes she says or does things she regrets immediately after.

maturity. she is not above apology and admitting her faults and weaknesses. unlike geralt in baptism of fire, she is willing to accept the company of comrades once they have gained her trust.

moments of clarity? sometimes, she can just say exactly what is going on, in a very sort of meta way. such as in baptism of fire when she says that to her it seems that everyone who comes into contact with ciri dies.

action, not words! as opposed to characters like regis, she doesn’t spend her time philosophizing or thinking too much about things. if something needs to be done, she gets it done immediately without overthinking the options. she’s good on her feet this way, but finds discussions about ‘what could be and why things are’ confusing.

in regards to how she would interact with the other wolf witchers:

i think she would try to fit in with them as much as possible, maybe feeling a need to get validation and respect from them as they’re capable fighters and men, she would want to be seen as their equal and afraid that they wouldn’t see her as such. but they are cool guys, so i think they would like and respect her. if geralt was around, i think she would be in even better spirits, and she’d have good humor probably (razzing geralt about being a handful, how’d you grow up with this guy, has he always been like this hahaha...). it also depends on who else is in the scene but that’s how i think she’d interact with them. she’s similar to geralt in many ways (strong but very insecure) so i think they’d appreciate her. she would probably see them like the brothers she never had.

[fangirlincorporated-blog]

The Lucky Australian

~~ 9 Enigma ~~

We could be lovers, even just tonight We could be anything you want We could be jokers, brought to the dayligh We could break all of our stigma I-I'll be your enigma

The afternoon marched on into night, the Mediterranean sun sinking casting a hazy glow over Venice.

Henry and Aurora had spent hours together on the suite balcony, drinking, eating, and talking, just enjoying each other’s company. Soon enough the sky darkened to pink, a timely reminder that it was time to get ready for their date. As Aurora went to shower and change, Henry made reservations at the St Regis, a beautiful fine dining terraced restaurant overlooking the grand canal. He never remembered being this nervous before a date, the many he had been on. Something about Aurora though threw him off, he couldn’t understand why he felt such a need to have her, to be with her. All the things he wanted to do, he began to grow impatient over a future he was starting to see. All the things he didn’t know, all the things he wanted to know, and how terrified and elated he was at the same time to be uncovering everything about her. He already found out her family would be here in a few days, and already he wanted to meet them. His heart racing far ahead of his mind. He had to remember to slow down, they’d only known each other a week, he couldn’t push for anything before she was ready.

Aurora stepped out of the bathroom; a towel wrapped around her small frame. She smiled at Henry, his turn to use the bathroom, he grabbed what he needed and made his way into the steamy room. Aurora towelled herself down and changed into comfy clothes while she applied her makeup. Cross legged on the floor, she listened to the gentle hum of the shower, her mind racing as to how the night would unfold. Still, she had doubts, Aurora had desperately hoped that this wouldn’t be just a holiday fling, she had a huge crush on Henry even before he knew her name. Hell, he was loved by men and women worldwide and here he was, sharing the same hotel room as her in Venice. Soon, they would be going out on an official date, only a week after knowing each other.

When she went home, what happened after? Would the distance get in the way? Would he just forget her? Would she just be another woman whose relationship with Henry would just fade into obscurity? Would he even think about her once she went home? Would he bother calling? Or keeping in touch? He would move mountains if he really wanted this and if he really wanted her. Still, she noticed most of his relationships had lasted around a year. Aurora wasn’t sure what she was hoping for with this. Maybe just an easy heartbreak if it came to it. There was no way she could manage that again. She had been through the absolute worst and wanted nothing more than to avoid that again. Surely, if he liked her like he said he did, he would try. He had the means to be able to.

Aurora got up to find her dress. She knew the one. A long, white, strapless dress embellished with silver sequins in a baroque pattern. Raphi had convinced her to pull it out of her closest, insisting that they were going to dress up and hit some town with it. You never need an excuse to dress up, all you need is being a fabulous bitch! His voice sang in her head. She smiled. This dress though, had never seen the light of day. It was always intended to be saved for Venice, but for a different person and a different occasion.

If I ever leave you, I promise I will send Henry Cavill to you! I think that’s the only way you’d ever forgive me. a sad smile stalked Auroras features as she remembered him, his laugh frozen in time and in a space she could never reach. Warring emotions raged in her mind. Here she was in Venice, Henry fucking Cavill showering in the bathroom and her mind was haunting her. Hell, if this was only destined to last a few weeks with Henry, then fuck it, she wanted to leave a lasting impression and this dress, and this night would do just that. She could only focus on the now. How Henry made her feel now, the things he stirred in her. She wasn’t blind, the man was an Adonis, the attraction between them pulled with such force, the sexual tension palpable anytime they were within each other’s reach, the evening promised to satisfy every carnal demand they had. If nothing came of this at least she had a great story about the time she shagged a Hollywood heartthrob. Pushing the thoughts out of her head, she resumed her place on the floor, she finished putting the last of her makeup on. Hearing the shower stop, she looked up to see Henry exiting the bathroom, his towel threatening to fall to the floor at the slightest movement. Aurora studied him, a smile forming on her face. Henry noticed her.

“What are you smiling at?”

“Nothing” she said, getting up from her spot on the floor. “Just amazed at the physics of that towel being able to stay on your body”.

Henry looked at her, pushing all the inappropriate thoughts from his mind, as hard as that was. He watched her walk towards him. She seemed to be dressed comfortably.

“Oh, all ready to go are you?”

Aurora stopped before him

“Absolutely, couture is all about looking like a hot mess!”

Henry chuckled at her. She was incredibly close to him right now and he was practically naked under the towel. He wondered how hell he was going to get through dinner. Aurora looked down Henrys body. I could just take his towel, she mused. Instead she cleared her throat and stepped away from him.

“I’m hungry, I’m going to change”

She moved past him into the bathroom and closed the door. Henry let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He had wanted her to touch him so fucking badly! Running a hand over his face, he pulled out his clothes from his suitcase. The open balcony door letting the Venetian air slowly slap at the curtains of the room, the heat settling into the night. Henry pulled on navy chinos and a light blue button up shirt, sliding on brown leather shoes, he waited, leaning against the balcony door watching the city below him. Barely 5 minutes later Aurora stepped out of the bathroom holding up the bottom of her dress. Henry's breath caught in his throat. He watched her as she sat on the bed to do up her silver stilettos.

She was fucking spectacular.

Her dress sat beautifully on her small frame, letting Henry wander his eyes all over her body. Simple and understated, but a knockout at the same time. Her dress was white, long and covered in silver sequins with the most beautiful pattern Henry had ever seen. Looking at her face, she had perfected her makeup with such precision, the ruby red of her lipstick doing nothing to quell the desire sitting in Henry's stomach. She stood up to look at him and smiled. He walked over to her and extended his arm. Linking her arm through his, she grabbed her phone as they headed out of the hotel room.

The night holding so much promise.

[ff15trashgoldenslumbers]

i live for your ot4 + 1 stories omg... Could I have like,a super fluffy one?With lots and lots of smooches and cuddles?Thanks xx

Thank you Darling! I adore the OT4+1! I do hope that you love this one too!

~

It had been a month! One entire month since you had all gotten together and actually be together like you were intended. Your relationship was something that you took great pride in and while you didn’t mind one on one time with one of your boyfriends or even if only some of you got together, there was always that missing feeling, that missing piece of being able to have all five of you together as was your normal.

So this morning when you had woken up with only a stuffed Chocobo in bed you had to admit you were getting a little lonely! When you’re used to sleeping with four other people sharing the Behemoth King sized bed, it got really lonely really fast to wake up as the only person in the bed.

Whoever the jerk that coined the phrase: ‘Absence makes the heart grow fonder’, never went a month without a proper dose of affection!

This month was a busy one for the Royals, it was meeting upon meeting, traveling, and balls. Strengthening allies and forging bonds! It was a tradition as old as the beautiful city you called home. 

You knew that falling in love with these men meant falling in love with a job that would take them away from you. You yourself could only attend so much of their lives, the more glitz and glamor parts. You appeared at every ball, every media event that required you to be there to be the “Prince’s Girlfriend”. All the political stuff was far beyond your realm of understanding or caring for that matter, so your presence didn’t apply when it came to the day to day meetings.

 Still, it didn’t mean that your heart didn’t ache for them when they were suddenly gone so long that their scent no longer lingered on their pillows or clothes in the apartment.

Prompto got a lot more time off than your other three boyfriends. Granted he didn’t have a 9-5 type of job, some of his shifts would run him days at a time, and even then he still had to go to training with Cor. For the past month, he had been out of the house with Gladiolus at 5am almost every day.  Only to return home at 11pm, getting something in the stomach. a shower, and you were then putting him to bed.

Gladiolus, on the other hand, was use these long stints. He had been training for it for all his life, he knew how to train that wonderful body to withstand pretty much anything that could be thrown at him. But you could count on one hand the amount of times that you got to actually cuddle with him. He had to spend quite a bit of time at the castle second only to Ignis.

Ignis was a very dutiful man, you often worried simply because you feared he would crash. He was so stoic and always held such a strong powerful demeanor that if one didn’t know the Advisor they wouldn’t notice the slights in his posture and gaze that showed even he was at a limit. He would only return to the apartment on nights that Noctis could sneak away, but even those moments were so short and in between.

Noctis was the one that often would apologize to you when something would take him away, but you couldn’t blame him. You never blamed him! It wasn’t his fault that he was such an important person. You felt the lingering hold he gave you when Ignis would awaken him to take him away for the day.

You were often offered a room within the Citadel, which you only took up when a party ran late, or there was no one to escort you home for the evening. You didn’t wish to have them worried about you and your needs when they had so many more important things to worry about. Besides having to sneak into their rooms to get your cuddles and kisses was only fun for the first couple of times.

You knew it was hard, not just for you, but for them as well. So you were determined to always get up, walk them to the door, no matter what ungodly time in the morning it was that they would have to leave to start their days. Providing a kiss and a hug and a sweet “Have a nice day! I love you.” before they were gone for who knows how long this time, and you’d return to a large empty bed.

At least that was your normal until this week when suddenly the bed and apartment were empty all week, due to them taking lodging at the Castle as it was easier to stay there. No amount of video games, shopping, reading, or sleeping seemed to make the time go faster. You’d get a quick voice message waking you up, or telling you good night, or a text when on a break but that wasn’t filling this void.

So today when you were ushered into the car by one of the Crowns Guard you couldn’t help but stop smiling. Your carriage was whisking you away to the Citadel, where the Farewell party was to take place within the next few hours. You’d finally get the missing pieces of your heart back!

 Even just being in the same building as them, made you feel so much better. You had caught a glimpse of Noctis and Ignis on their way to another meeting. Noctis stopped looking ready to take off towards you, only to be halted by Ignis, who you knew if he wasn’t trying to keep them both on schedule would have run to sweep you up in his arms. 

So for the moment, you settled for a smile, wave of the hand, and slight bow of the head.  You watched them disappear first on their way, before continuing to your perfect evening. You sat through the primping, the styling, squeezing into the slimming dress, all of it with a smile because tonight would be the night you got to be just the tiniest selfish. But you so earned it!

As it was normal for you now, you stood before the large doors to the ballroom. Wearing one of the latest dresses that you were certain cost way too much for the fabric, but you knew that it was part of the package. One more quick over by those lovely ladies that helped you get ready, and you were left alone.

“Announcing…”

You took a deep inhale, it was easier to do this with one of the others, but you had figured that they all actually had to be within the room, so you were forced to go in alone. The doors cracked open, as you counted to three like Ignis had told you to, before taking a step forward. 

The entrance faced the throne, where you were greeted to King Regis and Clarus but your Prince was missing, and knowing that at least Ignis and Gladiolus would be by his side it kind of confused you. Only for your eyes to move to the dance floor, finding Noctis standing there, along with Prompto and Gladiolus all three of their eyes trained to you as if you were the only person within the room, but where was Ignis? 

If you weren’t so worried that you would have tripped over yourself you would have rushed down to the dance floor immediately to launch yourself at them but luckily you remained calm and level headed. Only to make your way down the stairs, immediately finding a gloved hand assisting you down the final three. A huge smile on your face as you felt Ignis lift your hand to his lips before escorting you to King Regis for your customary greeting.

A curtsey to the King and you found another hand before you, this time finding Gladiolus, another quick press of his lips to the knuckles where only a moment ago Ignis’s lips had been, before he moved you over to Noctis, his large steps shorten. You couldn’t tell if it was so that he got a little more time with you, or because he didn’t want you to trip in your dress, but either way it was nice to have him there.

Your hand pasted to Noctis, as you bowed again, only customary, as Noctis hated it but the royal protocol and all that jazz required you to bow to your Prince. You felt Noctis move you to the dance floor, having to stifle a giggle, as you heard the flourish of the band started.

“What’s so funny?” Noctis asked, as he began the dance.

You smiled nailing the first spin easily, “You.”

“What about me?” He inquired, parting from you before spinning you back towards himself.

“You would save the first dance for me?” You jokingly asked, making certain to stay far enough away, the last thing you needed was a repeat of practice when you accidentally hit his injured leg and took the both of you down.  Granted that got you babying him all evening, which Noctis absolutely adored.

“Well yeah.” Noctis chuckled. “Had to fight Prompto for the spot.”

“Where is that ray of sunshine?”

“He’s with the Marshal on duty, but he said to save him a dance,” Noctis replied, as you giggled. Those blue eyes lowered for a moment, before focusing back on you, “Y/N, I’m…”

You hushed him as you pulled further into him, “No apologies, I love all of you. This is just a part that I love too, granted slightly less but still, I love it all the same.” 

Noctis chuckled, “Thank you.”

By the time you were all in the car heading home together, you had to admit that you suddenly felt that all those teasing moments of affection made you, even more, touch starved for the others. Common courtesy and Royal Rules made PDA very difficult to come by. You could only get so many hand kisses, and dances before you felt that it wasn’t doing enough. You wanted actual kisses, cuddles, and affection not these four-minute dances and second long kisses.

It was your affection and cuddles and you wanted them…

NOW!

“You all right?” 

You almost didn’t hear the question, so focused on trying not to jump across the car to one of them and just explode in affection. “I’m good.” You lied, noticing the apartment come into view, you could hold it in! You did so for a month, what was just ten more, long, grueling agonizing more minutes?

You put all your attention into holding onto the hem of your dress, lifting it so that you didn’t get it caught in the car door, or the elevator door. You entered the apartment after Gladiolus and Prompto as always, the two guards making certain that the room was safe to enter, trailed by Noctis and Ignis who made certain that you didn’t get caught in the door. 

You told yourself that you’d wait until you were out of the dress until you could remove your makeup and your hundreds of bobby pins. But then you saw the suit jackets being removed, the removed necktie, the slightly messed up hair, and the relaxed nature.

“Y/N, would you…”

You weren’t certain of who you had grabbed first, only to drag them towards you as you finally got a kiss that you wanted for so long. Only after a moment did you realize that it was Ignis you had closest to you, more than likely asking if you wanted help getting out of your dress before you grabbed him.

“How long have you been holding that in?” Gladiolus chuckled, only to grunt as you unexpectedly reached up, grabbing the first thing you could get ahold of, which was, unfortunately, his hair, yanking him towards you as you pressed a kiss to his lips.

“She’s worse than you Prom,” Noctis chuckled, as you turned wrapping your arms around Prompto’s neck, pulling him forward as you pressed a kiss to the blonde.

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.” Gladiolus laughed, managing to hold a daze but happy Prompto up, as you cupped the Prince’s cheeks, pulling him into your final barrage of kiss attacks.

“My love,” Ignis called, as you released Noctis, turning toward the man with a flushed face, judging by the others, he couldn’t tell if there was more lipstick on your lips or the others. “Shall we get you out of the dress and we can properly provide you with the affection you so rightfully deserve?”

You managed to get yourself under control for just a moment, before nodding, “You have five minutes, I’m getting my cuddles, dress or no dress.”

“I vote no dress.” Gladiolus chuckled, moving over to scoop you up in his arm moving you back to the bedroom.

“I second!”  Prompto cheered from behind the big guy.

“Third!” Noctis echoed, working on removing his collared shirt.

Ignis chuckled fondly, “It’s unanimous. Shall we then?”

You would be more than happy to fulfill that request, no questions asked.