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mourning black and the death of ideals
#i haven't moved on from this yet. btw. i'm still here#finally decided to draw the thought i've been ruminating over for days on end bc it's like a parasite eating away my brain#stated this on the initial post i made days ago but there's just smt so gut wrenching and sickening#about how dazai will have worn black exactly twice in his life: once as a member of the mafia and now at kunikida's funeral#a color that initially signified devotion to the mafia and his demon prodigy alias now signifies his grief#him having to wear black again at the funeral of another doomed fatalist who chose his heart over his survival. his own partner.#kunikida's death being so reminiscent of the tragedy that initially caused him to defect and flee#and everything tying together full circle and effectively breaking him#asagiri rly said fuck knkdz it's doppover we lost gang 😭😭😭#why did bro leave that fucking notebook behind#fool. do you know that angst potential you have left me to work with?#love never won in bsd. it lay dead and festering#i don't know how much longer i can keep saying i miss them. i'm going to kill myself if he doesn't come back#i've never wanted something to be death bait so desperately#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bsd#dazai osamu#osamu dazai#kunikidazai#knkdz#kunizai#(??? technically. its implied anyway)#lotus draws
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I'm a doctor, not a miracle worker.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wen ning#wei wuxian#wen qing#jiang cheng#Truly Massive disclaimer here: I am a Jiang Cheng enjoyer. I like his character. I enjoy that he is very flawed and volatile.#This episode of the audio drama has a lot of great breakdown scenes featuring JC - and they all deserve a feature.#But underlying this comic is a small meta comment of 'ah man I have too many comics of JC just wailing sadly'#My goal is to draw 6-8 comics per episode - I sometimes have to truncate and cut good scenes out.#Especially when a large majority is just different flavours of trauma and toxic relationships to your self-worth.#I would also like to make a note here that just because you lose the ability to do something that is very tied to your core identity-#-does not mean your life is over. It will feel like the end of the world. It will send you into a spiral of grief. It will hurt so badly.#Sometimes we do not realize how tied up our identities can be in certain things until we are cut loose.#You don't lose yourself. I promise the pain will fade in time. I promise you will find other things to tether you. I promise you will be ok#Life moves forwards. Time moves forwards. You move forwards.#Ego death just means an opportunity for ego rebirth. You are never committed to being the same person forever.#To wrap this around to JC: Yeah I love the twist with the core transfer but man I would have loved to see JC accept the loss.#Obviously it happens for a reason (story) but I can have my AUs. I can have these 'what-ifs'.#described in alt text#I'm trying it out! *please* give me feedback - I want to eventually Add image ID to all of these comics one day
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i know everyone likes to put tharja in the "yandere goth girl" category but tbh i feel like pigeonholing her into one specific archetype does a huge disservice to her character. is she obsessed with curses and robin? yes. is she constantly shoved into a fanservice role by intsys? absolutely.
but i think a lot of people forget just how impactful a lot of her supports are...there's something about tharja that makes nearly everyone who interacts with her divulge their deepest secrets and points of anxiety with her. we see this with libra, who tells her of the abandonment he endured at the hands of his parents. we see it with nowi, whose cheerful demeanor slips off as she tells tharja of her missing parents. and although tharja is not the only one lon'qu confides in regarding ke'ri, their support is notably the only one in which lon'qu divulges that there was romantic involvement between he and his childhood friend.
and despite her antisocial exterior, she always listens mindfully and offers to help! she even goes out of her way to discreetly help the shepherds (getting virion to do odd jobs that benefit civilians, interrogating henry to make sure he bears no ill will towards ylisse, etc).
a big thing about tharja is that she IS kind. she IS considerate. she just also has a reputation to uphold as a dark mage and that (paired with her overall awkwardness ofc) makes her true nature hard to see at first glance
#fire emblem#fire emblem awakening#fire emblem heroes#tharja#tharja fire emblem#also aside from the fanservice she gets shoehorned into a lot of people dislike her for the noire situation#which yes. absolutely makes sense.#but like....also.... it's implied that it's NOT the current tharja who treated noire that way. it was doomed!future tharja#is this splitting hairs? yeah i guess? but like...the whole point of awakening is that our decisions and bonds shape who we are.#we could be an entirely different person depending on what we choose to value#the tharja from noire's timeline is not the tharja from the current timeline and current! tharja shows how much she cares for noire#another point of contention with tharja is her robin obsession#which CAN be annoying. i'll grant you that.#HOWEVER she only mentions robin in 2 of her s-supports i believe#frankly i think cordelia is a worse offender here. i can't think of a support where she DOESN'T mention chrom#anyway let's also not forget how committed tharja is to being sharena's friend in FEH#GOOOODDD i really do love tharja... she's so great#i was actually reading lon'qu's supports because i want to do an s-rank convo tierlist for him maybe but i got distracted#by his support with tharja which is just SOOOOOO peak#that i just ended up reading all of tharja's supports as well sjsjskksksk so sorry lonk i'm thinking about tharja today!
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[sharing/rb appreciated 💛]
my silver artbook is FINISHED and will open for preorders on 8/31 at 12pm EST!! it's been almost 3 months of work and i'm so excited to finally be able to share all the art i've worked on, PLUS a small bonus charm!
if u know silver fans,,, tell them
#FINALLY! i'm finishing up setting the shop this week and orders will open on da weekend <3 couldn't be prouder than i'm doing it#i went back and found my first statement of wanting to draw this series and it was end of MAY and now here we are!!! hes REAL#ive always wanted to publish some sort of artbook or personal zine but showing unrelated pieces felt wrong i need it to be a PIECE#so this series was perfect. im making this book for all of us. silver fans must win we have to we must. but also. im making it for me#i love him so much i crave more work for him desperately so i feed myself. and i love the diasom community i love us i LOVE US!!!!#no crumbs. no. only a full meal. the finest i can offer. silver my son you are sleepy and wonderful and i love you dearly#twst#twisted wonderland#twst silver#diasomnia#silver vanrouge#if anyone has questions feel free to reach out however!! qs or dms or whatever. i got ur back <3#suntails
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hot take: Jason is actually one of the most emotionally intelligent members of the Batfam because, contrary to most of them, he actually expresses his actual emotions. and while those feelings are mostly negative, he still expresses them, which is more than can be say about Bruce (who will bottle it up till it blows up in his face), Damian and Cass (who were trained out of expressing their feelings during childhood by literal assassins), Tim and Dick (who are chronic liars and will bullshit their way through life unless there’s no other way).
#Duke Babs and Steph and everyone else are fortunately unaffected by whatever is going on here#they have either been spared by not being adopted or not having been around long enough to be influenced by the rest of them#Jason also has bad habits im not denying that#but he will also say what he’s feeling and what he wants and what he needs#and since no one else is doing at least that then he gets first place by default#we need to put an end to that Dick Grayson is Emotionally Intelligent propaganda because it’s a lie#he’s the worst of them because he actually gets self destructive about it but won’t say a word#Tim will bring down the world around him before you can get him to try and be healthy about his feelings#and Bruce likes to pretend he doesn’t have feelings#Jason is angry. but anger is a feeling. and it’s one he’s actually feeling. that or sadness. he’s a very sad boy#jason todd#batman#jason todd headcanon#tim drake#batfam headcanons#dick grayson headcanon#dick grayson#bruce wayne headcanon#bruce wayne#tim drake headcanon#batfamily
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one thing i really adore about togame is his word choice and how unexpectedly soft his way of phrasing sentences are. it's almost impossible to translate into english because there's no equivalent verb ending, but you can kind of tell the difference in his tone use. when you listen to sakura talk, for example, the ends of his sentences sound a little harsh and abrupt since he uses a typically informal tone; whereas togame's a lot softer (even if we account for his slower speed), and he uses a verb ending that's rather unusually rounded and unexpected of someone with a physical appearance like him. the elongated ends of his sentences exaggerate this, especially during his pre-bofurin fight when he uses that tone as a way to annoy his opponents.
#when he's ripping the jacket off saruatari and he says the 'we dont need weak ppl in shishitoren' line#you can really hear him use his tone#or when he talks to sakura for the first time#it's a bit of a generalisation but his verb endings are kind of girly in a typical sense#you would hear it more in the way girls talk to guys (a bit pick me ig)#i think it's very cute that there's a strikingly large man whose word choice is surprisingly gentle#it's also why i think he's a bit of a brat#he's whiney and always sounds like he's pouting#when he's telling choji's listen to him i seear he's got his bottom lip out in a pout#that was the point i wanted to make#but i needed to sound like i knew what i was saying#not just 'togame brat'#because im always saying that#now here's the theory behind it#togame jo#wind breaker
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endos are systems.
you are cool. YOU. ARE. A. SYSTEM.
#endo safe <3
#“can we also talk about the fact that people with safe & healthy households WANT TRAUMA?” yeah actually lets talk about that#because the people who “want trauma” *are* actually traumatized! but (like with many cases of trauma) they dont remember it.#what they *want* is an explanation. a reason for why theyre like this.#anyone who has had an undiagnosed disorder knows the feeling of thinking you're just broken. and wanting nothing more than an explanation.#this is also why some people find themselves in the radqueer community. i know this isnt something i talk about much but its relevant here.#you feel like you should have trauma but you dont have any? thats okay! there a term for that! you're not broken! you're not alone!#theres an welcoming community of people just like you! where you can be accepted for who you are! no matter what!#“people from safe and healthy households want trauma” no we dont. we want an explanation.#i hate talking about radqueers but i used to id as transharmed in many ways and ended up actually being traumatized‚#i feel like its important to include that angle.#lol.exe#blackout poetry#pro endo#endo safe#endo friendly#jesus christ i talk too much
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The Council of Optimuses: Pleasant, generally positive, they exiled Bayverse a while ago but they still check in once in a while to make sure he's ok/out of curiosity, Earthspark enables One's 'I can fix him' delusion to the point that Prime is falling into it too, IDW does NOT want to add to the delusion pile so he shuts up, Cyberverse kinda doesn't want to be at this meeting it feels too much like a party, IDW keeps making calls to somebody but he won't tell anyone who, they used to have 'bring your Bumblebee to work day' but Skybound had a breakdown over it so they can't do that anymore, everybody is suspicious of Skybound's new arm but the only person who actually brought it up was Bayverse whose solution was 'kill him' so now everybody thinks they are getting paranoid and should maybe start seeing a therapist (they should start seeing therapists, but they ARE right about the arm).
The Council of Megatrons: They are having a great time even if it looks horrible from the outside looking in, Prime constantly wants to fight IDW for his spot as the strongest Megatron but IDW is not about that, they tried to kick out Earthspark but he somehow keeps getting in (IDW leaves the door open), One has like 5 devils on his shoulder telling him to escalate and two fallen angels who are desperately trying to get across that maybe total destruction isn't the move, IDW is trying to hide his redemption arc in order to keep the situation under control (only Earthspark is aware of it, though Skybound has his suspicions), Cyberverse always tries to kill the others to take over their universes and it's the highlight of everybody's month, Bayverse is mocked for being killed by Optimus but secretly everybody is kinda jealous about it (Prime especially), one time an unidentified Starscream (it was Animated) broke in and it was on sight (he got away because every Megatron wanted to be the one who killed him and they fought each other over it), IDW keeps taking calls from somebody but he won't tell anyone who, Skybound can listen in on his Optimus's meetings due to being his arm and reports back, there is an ongoing debate about whether Galvatrons should be included.
Inspired by @jyang030107 's art of ES and IDW Megs advising their One counterpart.
#optimus prime#megatron#tf one#tf prime#tf cyberverse#tf idw#tf earthspark#tf bayverse#tf skybound#animated and G1 cartoon are my main blindspots so I didn't include them here#can you tell which one of these is my favorite based on how often I brought up their versions relative to the others?#I do genuinely like all of these interpretations for varying reasons but idk man I love comics so much#though I do only like Bayverse Optimus because I'm imagining every other Optimus just being genuinely upset at his existence#'GIVE ME YOUR FACE' 'or maybe we could just talk to him? or kill him normally?' '*fast forward one movie* 'hey megatron was just saying#that he wants a truce!! How lucky!! that's further than most of us have gotten on the path to peace!! what are you gonna...#...you're just gonna kill him? and then kill Sentinel as he begs for his life? when you could have ended this peacefully? what?'#he's uninvited from meetings but sometimes he shows up anyways and the others just get so curious#'what has he done this time?' 'I heard him say that he swore to never kill humans.' 'That's progress!'#*one meeting later* 'ok so you know how he just swore to never kill humans? he just killed a human.' '...what is wrong with him?'#meanwhile Bayverse Megatron fits right in with the others. I like him less by virtue of the movies he's in but he's still like#recognizably Megatron and not so ooc that it makes me bust out laughing during serious moments. he's a fairly standard Megatron.
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jesus christ, doc, i thought you were a goner! warn a guy next time, will ya? jesus christ, doc. jesus christ
bonus doodle post-extra-long-hug:
(listen im a sucker for the forehead kisses alright. whenever it happens in a fic i eat that shit UP. it's the cutest thing ever idc)
#back to the future#bttf#bttf fanart#marty mcfly#doc brown#emmett brown#happy bttf day! good thing i fell into the hyperfixation hole before the crash course of dates here in oct-nov instead of after#otherwise i'd have to wait a whole year! anyways#THEY SHOULDVE HUGGED IN THIS SCENE ARGJARHGARHAJ#they totally did guys trust me they totally did.#honestly i love how everyone agrees yeah they hugged immediately after the scene cut we just didn't see it#bc it is real. and true. canon even!#they should've hugged at the end of part 3 also but i digress#im so happy im an artist guys i can draw whatever the hell i want. i can will scenes that should've happened into existence#see what happens when i really try? see what happens when i give it my all? /ref#this turned out soo well i'm very happy with it. at the same time i can totally see it being one of those pieces where you look back in a#year or two and go damn why that limb at that angle#the tool belt is not accurate at all i just couldn't be bothered. drew a “placeholder” thing for it before looking at refs and got lazy#kit does an art#tag as ship and it's your knees
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[ cw: death mention / family death mention / ]
Mhmm I sure love thinking of the reality where we did get more time to really know Karai and her dynamics with the bros. Losing her hit hard in the finale, but it would’ve hit much, much harder had we known Karai longer and really saw her relationships develop with everyone.
I especially would have been interested in her dynamic with Leo, as past iterations often have the two of them clash in ideals and the like while still sharing many characteristics. Two sides of the same coin, and all that. Her specifically being the bros’ Gram-Gram also adds a whole new dynamic as well.
Imagine how interesting it would be, to have Karai start off on Leo’s side for once, showing wholly just how alike the two are at their cores and bonding as family without the worry of betrayal or animosity that other iterations suffer through, only to have Karai die anyway. Their parting hug and the desperate look of horror Leo wears later on would have hit that much harder, I feel.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rise of the tmnt#rise karai#rise leo#rottmnt karai#rottmnt leo#I think a lot about these two in particular#and how that dynamic could have flourished#the way it was depicted in the finale is so purposefully unique and painful like#that hug man#can you imagine how much more heartbreaking that would have been if we knew her longer#not that it wasn’t already sad but we just simply didn’t know her long enough to be completely attached#also imo having more episodes with her and in general would have presented something I’ve been thinking about since the finale#so like - I like to think each bro kinda immediately leans more toward certain family members#Mikey has Draxum#Donnie has April#Raph has Splinter because this is another one that would be SO GOOD and make the finale moment where Raph sees his memories hit harder#if they had an ep or two more of Splinter and Raph together bc I really do feel like Raph respects Splinter most of the four#and finally- Leo has Karai#and then he loses her#imo? this would align with the movie even more#because it was the act of heroism that kinda killed her in a way - makes sense that Leo would initially be leaning away from that#and yet he ends up exactly like her anyway#haha sorry for rambling I just really love the interesting dynamic these two tend to have#and it’s a shame we didn’t get to see it really explored in rise#but yeah make no mistake while I’m focusing on Leo here I wanted more for all the boys and karai#Mikey’s little moments with her were so sweet and we already know how much he yearns for more family#Karai being from an age long gone would mean she’d be super impressed by literally any invention Donnie has (adult validation!!)#and could you imagine her training with Raph - with this training being referenced in the finale?
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[prev]
In the end, it doesn't matter. His plans, his intentions, his hopes, none of it matters.
In his dreams, it is disturbingly easy for Pure Vanilla to forget that the world is larger than the two of them, full of Cookies with their own plans and motives. In the careful cradle of his dreams, cocooned within Shadow Milk's constant presence, he hadn't even considered that there were other options.
Now, he is forced to confront them, and he can barely pay attention to anything. He isn't sure what happened in the first place, everything moving too quickly for him to process a thing. There is chaos everywhere, a flurry of colours and sounds and happenings whipping around him like a hurricane, the veil of darkness turning it all into a blur. The air is thrumming with unleashed archaic power, pricking his dough like pins and needles, and it all goes straight to his head, making him dizzy.
His grip on his staff is tight, leaning against it as he closes his eyes and borrows its gaze in the hopes of having a clearer view. It is just as indecipherable through his staff though, which means he isn't seeing things – the world really is coming apart at the seams, his nightmares unfurling before him.
And worst of all, Pure Vanilla is awake. He is wide, wide awake and cold with shock.
"There you are!"
Arms wrap around his shoulders from behind, the voice chiming delightedly in his ear. Pure Vanilla pulls away with a violent jerk of his body, not quite having the mind to be surprised that the arms let him, spinning around to face the other.
Shadow Milk stands, practically glowing with giddy joy, in a newly-crafted body of fresh dough, and it is strange to see him so solid. He stretches his arms above his head, leaning from side to side, before turning in a circle with a flourish, as if to show the body off.
"Wonderful, isn't it? And with this, Little Miss Guardian can't lock us back up again so easily! Certainly not with a dirty little trick like patching up some cracks." His voice is jovial, even as irritation flickers over his eyes at the memory of his encounter with White Lily. It disappears quickly, swallowed by tide of something that could almost be taken as childlike excitement. "Ah, it's so fun to have my own body again!"
It's the sort of happiness Pure Vanilla had hoped to see from him, but seeing it now, it just makes his heart ache fiercely, his chest seconds away from caving in. He is beautiful, a fact preserved even through the filter of his staff's eye, and everything is falling apart around him.
"What are you doing?" He asks, hardly more than a whisper, hardly able to manage those words anyway. It isn't the fact that Shadow Milk is out, physically here in front of him that makes him feel queasy. If it were only that, Pure Vanilla suspects he'd match him in his joy. It isn't even that he grabbed the first opportunity to escape, even if it wasn't following Pure Vanilla's plans for negotiation.
It is the upheaval sweeping around him, a complete lack of care for the surroundings and exactly as Shadow Milk was before, that is what hurts. Pure Vanilla had never lied when he said he believed in him.
"Celebrating, of course! This is my greatly anticipated grand return!" Shadow Milk announces cheerfully, taking an overdramatic bow before glancing at Pure Vanilla with a cheeky grin. His eyes glitter like stars, in that way that always mesmerises him. "Come on, Vani, dance with me!"
He reaches for both of Pure Vanilla's hands, not fazed by the fact that one is still holding his staff. He simply traps Pure Vanilla's hand between his and the staff as he pulls him towards him, using the momentum to whirl them around. Pure Vanilla stumbles, and without thinking, he scrambles to hold Shadow Milk back, his stomach and head churning uselessly.
It must show on his face, the horrible turbulance within him, because Shadow Milk's eyes all squint at him, some softly, others teasingly. He lets go of the hand not on his staff, instead wrapping his arm around Pure Vanilla's waist to offer him more stability. "What are you looking so gloomy for? Isn't this what you wanted?"
"Not like this, you know that." Pure Vanilla whispers, his now free hand balling into a fist and falling weakly to rest against Shadow Milk's shoulder. His sadness leaks heavy into his tone, but he can't help it, can barely articulate himself. "I wanted you to be better."
Shadow Milk doesn't reply for a moment, still dragging him through the motions of a partner dance. He seems to realise Pure Vanilla isn't planning to open his eyes anytime soon, because his eyes slide over to make contact with him through his staff, his grin simmering down to a smile, still unbearably cheerful. "You didn't truly believe that would work, did you?"
It's a harmless question, in the grand scheme of things, in the whirlpool of everything happening around them, but it feels like a cracking punch to the stomach. Shadow Milk had seemed reluctant at first, but he had never outright refused his idea. By the end of it, he even seemed to be considering it seriously, but something said as bluntly as that must be his true feelings–
"So you lied to me." Pure Vanilla murmurs hollowly, the cracks in his heart filling with sticky disappointment, all towards himself. He can't bring himself to hate Shadow Milk for acting within his own nature, not when he should have known. "...Of course you did."
For the first time since he regained a physical form, Shadow Milk's smile drops completely, replaced with a fake pout. Though it seems lighthearted, the stars in his eyes spark with annoyance.
"I would never! How could you say such a terrible thing about me, after all we've been through?" Shadow Milk laments with exaggerated sorrow, throwing Pure Vanilla into an awkward twirl as his free hand rests against his own forehead like a hapless maiden. Pure Vanilla's brain seems to scramble at the sudden movement, barely gathering his bearings as Shadow Milk's arm returns to his waist. He thinks he may be sick.
"Remember, I said you could try your little plan out, not that I ever agreed to it." Shadow Milk reminds him in a low croon, lined with condescension. "I even told you I thought it was a stupid idea! I may be the Beast of Deceit, but I never directly lied to you. I'm a little hurt you assumed I did. I thought you knew me better than that!"
And Pure Vanilla can't muster a response to that, spirit growing soggier by the second, because it is true. His hope had led him into assumptions that were misguided, how can he blame Shadow Milk for that?
Somewhere in the background, there is the rumble of an explosion.
"You might have been able to convince me, you know." Shadow Milk adds with a gossamer thin smile, his voice growing more serious. "There was just one eensy-weensy problem with your argument."
Pure Vanilla trips over something behind him with a frazzled yelp, unconsiously gripping Shadow Milk's shoulder as his hat falls off, and Shadow Milk uses the momentum to lower him into a dip, bowing over him as he finally pauses their dance.
"You assumed that I need to be fixed," Shadow Milk spits the words through his teeth with a slight growl, curling his lip disdainfully as he pushes their faces far too close together, "but there's nothing to fix. We paid the price for having power the Witches' themselves gave us, all because of their cowardice and fickleness." He huffs, smiling with a lack of mirth. "Good punishments always teach a lesson, you say, but our punishment was unjust, decided on a whim. What lesson could it possibly teach?"
Pure Vanilla stares at him wordlessly, ears buzzing nervously. He feels vaguely like he is in freefall, his body tensing in anticipation of hitting the ground.
Instead, like a switch is flipped, Shadow Milk's stormy expression clears back into that pleasant merriment.
"But enough about all that," Shadow Milk says with faux politeness as he straightens up smoothly, jerking Pure Vanilla back onto his feet and sweeping him back into a circling dance, "now is the time for celebration! Relax!"
Shadow Milk draws Pure Vanilla even closer to him, almost pressing their bodies together, and Pure Vanilla, despite himself, is struck by the warmth of it. Shadow Milk has always been cold to the touch in his dreams but here, in this new body, he is too warm, radiating a heat that suggests getting too close will burn.
Shadow Milk hums a jaunty tune in his ear as they sway to and fro, and Pure Vanilla's darts his gaze around in an attempt to ground his thoughts. He must focus. He isn't sure where the others are – are the children safe? Where is White Lily? Shadow Milk isn't the only one who escaped, of that he is certain, so it is likely they are surrounded by danger on all sides, and that isn't even taking Dark Enchantress' forces into consideration. But if Shadow Milk is focused on him here, that is at least one less Beast for them to handle.
There you are, he had said when he found him. Shadow Milk had been seeking him out specifically, and surely not just for an innocent dance, so why—
Pure Vanilla glances down with sinking dread and realisation, jam turning cold.
"You're here for the Soul Jam, aren't you?" He murmurs, more to himself than Shadow Milk, but he must hear anyway, because his humming trails off. Pure Vanilla doesn't give him time to process the words though, yanking his staff up and suddenly there is light.
It is an extremely clumsy spell that misses by a mile – Pure Vanilla isn't awfully practised in offensive magic, and on top of that, his dough is shaking with too many emotions – but it does the trick. The bright flash startles Shadow Milk just enough for his grip to loosen, and Pure Vanilla wastes no time in scrambling back and away.
He gets a good few paces away before he is stopped by firm tug on his wrist, almost knocking him over. The beginning of real fear begins to well within him as he looks down to find himself caught by a dozen strings, shimmering like spun silk, all leading back to Shadow Milk's own hands as he approaches through the parting haze.
"I didn't know you had that in you. Bravo!" He laughs as he claps, seeming to be at ease, the attack doing nothing to dampen his mood. He comes to a stop nearby, wrapping the strings around his hand once, twice before pulling Pure Vanilla forward in a long, smooth motion that allows Shadow Milk to tuck his arm behind his back as he leans forward to meet him. "But to answer your question..."
Shadow Milk reaches up to grab the clasp that holds his Soul Jam as Pure Vanilla strains against the strings, knowing that despite any fondness he might have for him, he had never planned to let him have this. He braces for it to be ripped off, he braces for it to be gently pried away for him – he isn't sure which would be worse.
He does not brace for Shadow Milk to bend down and press a delicate kiss against its smooth surface.
"I'm here for the Soul Jam and you." He smirks against it, eyes flicking up from its sapphire shine to Pure Vanilla's stunned face, frozen in place. "That shouldn't be a surprise to you, after all our time spent together."
"You must be joking." Pure Vanilla chokes out before he can say any more, voice stuffy with conflicting emotions, gripping his staff so tightly he's distantly worried it may snap. His head is swimming, so much so that he worries he will faint, even though he's never been prone to it. "You don't mean that."
"I do." Shadow Milk replies with breezy confidence, his expression falling neutral as he straightens up just enough to press their foreheads together. It is not quite as impactful with Pure Vanilla seeing through his staff, but the contact between their dough still burns. "I like you. So, because I like you, I've come to collect everything."
Pure Vanilla is seeing through his staff, so he knows he is not imagining the solemn furrow of his brow, the slight pinch of his mouth, the lifetimes behind his eyes, the lifetimes he has fallen for. He is sure, almost instinctively, that he is telling the truth, and the mere thought makes his insides collapse into themselves like an agonising supernova.
"Please," he begs helplessly, strangely hoarse, abandoning his staff's eye and welcoming the darkness, unable to look anymore, "don't do this to me. It's–"
–cruel, but the word gets stuck in his throat. It is an accidental cruelty, and it hurts, hurts more than anything else, more than words can describe, even more than the all-encompassing ache of Dark Enchantress' first appearance, and the realisation that she shared White Lily's shadow. At least, then, Dark Enchantress was clear in her hatred, never allowing an opportunity for hope to fester. For all the pain that caused, the distance kept his head clearer.
But what is he meant to do now, knowing that Shadow Milk Cookie, for all he has done and will do, is sincere when he says he likes him? It is an irony that burdens him like a curse, but he almost wishes that it was a lie. It would be painful either way, but surely being tricked outright and mocked for it would be easier to cut clean from, to compartmentalise.
An ugly, painful sob rattles through his chest, and he bites down on it before it can leave his mouth, shoulders curling inwards like a wilting plant. Shadow Milk's arms loop around them, weighing them down further.
"Look at me." He calls, calm and low and stern, a professor's tone, and Pure Vanilla shudders with another swallowed sob.
"Look at me, Pure Vanilla." He repeats, a little louder, but it is the use of his name that catches his attention like a snare. Shadow Milk doesn't often use his proper name, not when it is just the two of them.
Pure Vanilla finally opens his own eyes, slowly and with difficulty, gummy with unshed tears and unable to make out anything beyond colourful shapes. Shadow Milk's face takes up his whole vision either way, and it makes his pain worsen. He can't look at him, not now, with everything that makes up Pure Vanilla jumbled into a mess and the world around them jumbled to match.
Surprising himself, Pure Vanilla sluggishly shifts to bury his face in Shadow Milk's shoulder, his shaking hands dropping his staff to clumsily grip his back in tight fistfuls. It surprises Shadow Milk too, judging by his slight jolt, but his arms tighten like a noose around his neck, pulling him close into a hug.
"You're awful." Pure Vanilla croaks, muffled and aching, squeezing his eyes shut again and soaking in the searing heat of the other, eating him alive.
Between them, the Virtue of Knowledge hums discordantly, its fractured pieces reunited at last. Shadow Milk chuckles, a sound Pure Vanilla feels rather than hears.
"If I'm awful," he says lightly, rocking them from side to side in a soothing rhythm, "then you must be too."
fin.
#sorry in advance guys. this one is An Experience!#unfortunately the things i'm good at are Torment and Emotions so here we are#also i wanted the ending to be ambigious because this was meant to focus on the relationship#rather than the surrounding. apocalypse. so you can imagine what happens next as whatever you want :)#shadowvanilla#pureshadow#vanilla milkshake#echo paradox au#the biscuit library
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I thought maybe there was something we needed to know. But it doesn't matter. I told you not to come on the boat! You were crying, I thought something was wrong. Nothing was wrong. Either way, the sun's set and it's crazy cold out there.
#rayllum#rayllumedit#s6#6x03#my edits#graphics#arc 2#tag ramble#i love this lil moment for a lot of reasons. one being that we sit with it for a beat#bc things are wrong. their relationship is wrong. but neither is willing to rock the boat (pun intended)#in that way to start hashing more stuff out. the fact the last time they were on a Ship it was a disaster (5x08)#rayla crying bc of her own feelings and regret but of course she's. not going to unload that on him#trying to keep him away from the boat (from her / her pain / them) still for his own wellbeing in some ways#moving so he's in the light and warmth and she's in the dark and cold. which he'll do for her with the blanket#rayla not denying that was crying but that it's a concern#and callum's not willing to totally take that ('either way [if something Was wrong or not]')#even if he doesn't push the way he might've in the past (1x06 3x04) bc now 5x04 happened#and he has faith she'll tell him when she's ready#the fact by the end of this episode he's expressed the heaviness weighing on his heart (dark magic use) and#she has to a degree (wanting him back through the face touch) but. not to the same degree#makes me wonder if we'll get more call backs to the diary during the possession fight#'i don't know if you can hear me and if you're there. but if you are here - callum please'
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Market based mistakes.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#wen chao#wen zhuliu#Apologies for how much I skipped in the last part of this episode.#I do love the scene of Jiang Cheng regaining his will to live and the ensuing scenes of Wei Wuxian seeing him off at the mountain base.#At the same time I very much want to keep pressing on with the story.#The notes I have are for scenes I did not draw:#I still think a lot about the symbolism of food in both consumption and giving - especially in regards to the Yunmeng Trio.#Prior to JC leaving we see WWX out buying food for him. Something that initially falls through as JC runs back to Lotus Pier.#But here it comes back full circle. WWX gives away a part of himself to be 'consumed' by Jiang Cheng.#It is about being led by desire (JC wanting revenge to losing his will to live to wanting his core back)#and about being bound by duty to do whatever it takes to see those desires through to the end.#JC can't eat until he has his desire to live back. WWX carves out his own ambitions to help another reach theirs.#And it isn't held up as noble! Not even once! He is routinely punished and criticized for this sacrifice.#Being thrown into the burial mounds really is just symbolism for how we can give away every scrap of ourselves to others-#-and find ourselves at rock bottom. Alone.#When you hollow yourself out it just leaves room for something else to fill it. Something worse.
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I'm so tired of the way tv is working right now. And it's not working. Seasons are getting shorter, and shows are canceled before they even get a chance to prove themselves. Shows with new concepts often get the worst of it, and it just makes me so sad to think of all the fantastic stories we're losing because of a system that prioritizes profit over the art itself. I want to live with these characters over years. Get to know them and grow with them and not watch as their stories are crammed into six episodes or even worse, go entirely unfinished.
#shows used to be 18+ episodes for 7+ seasons!!!! how did we end up here#with both writers and actors on strike too.. i can only hope they get what they deserve and it's a turning point for the better#audiences want these long run shows#either streaming needs to get on that or go away#disney+ moving to prevent password sharing now too.. like do you want people to watch or not?? i dont get it#this isnt even getting into the way they erase shows from existence either#flythepost
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Thinks about my next series again... I drew the icon for it!
I'm planning to have it launched within a year! I'm hoping for summer 2025. I want to make a prelaunch page before Time and Time Again ends so people can subscribe if they're interested, but I'm worried the series return would be too early...
#SORRY HAHAHA REPOSTING IMMEDIATELY#i. it. IM SORRY okay the.#i had 'im not interested in the comic' as an option but it immediately made me feel bad#DONT FEEL BAD IF YOU PICKED IT i put it there#i just realized its not really a helpful metric to me at all!#im making the comic either way!#so i just want to gague interest. disinterest doesnt do much for me. you can come and go as you please!#just wanting to retain readers as much as possible but without losing them due to taking too long#ahhhh the balance of marketing. a beautiful beast she is.#anyways yeah hoping to launch like about as tta is ending#or like at LEAST a prelaunch page by then#im also not intending for the prelaunch page to be like. announced...#moreso just a link i append on art for the series!#just so when a drawing of zagan gets 500 notes#people who are interested in what hes from can. see that...#anyways. sorry i haven't been posting work is wild im going 70+ hours a week again i am so tired#not much time to draw non work stuff#im hanging on by a thread of having multiple projects i can bounce between again#and sometimes thats this one! so heres the results of some mental health work variety#we were legion#polls#sorry for the instant repost. in my defense. i am exhausted.#i can not wait until im making a different comic that i can do a fucking. normal ass schedule with#where im not every week gasping for breath in some kind of bad at swimming metaphor.#anyways if youre not interested dont tell me. it doesnt matter to me. no offense but i just dont wanna hear it.#i want to make the comic and my audience as much as i love you all is not going to have any control over what i do with my art#im gonna make this comic if i only get it done on weekends after getting home from the fuckin movie theater#i am not working for webtoon again wnd im not forcing myself into the dirt for comics again#but im also never gonna stop making them. just need to build a healthier relationship!#FUCK I MADE IT A ONE DAY POLL.
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tashiart can only ever be Exactly What They Are, patricktashi is the comfort and possibility of pretending like you're both still teenagers, patrickart is sandbox love that actually never died, patricktashiart past present and future all together baby
#i have a coherent post about this but#all the tension in tashiart is that she cannot hide from him bc he's seen All Of Her and they've stitched each other back together#they're so deeply in the Here and Now it's so deeply painful for her bc she doesn't want Now and him because it's everything he's wanted#and the tension of patricktashi is that he wasn't there for any of it..... he's always telling her What She Is so there's a shared delusion#that they can go back to the time Before when it was all just endless future#patrickart is like. well. we were always going to end up back here. nice to see you fired up about something#and that's why they all need each other because they need the elation of the past while still having a reason to look Forward to the future#patrick's insistence on the Past is actually what allows them all to have a future... .we love it#challengers
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