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saiyanandproud · 3 months ago

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6 and 8, and 25! :0

Munday Mumbling Asks - send a number for me to talk about one of the following topics!

6. Excessive OOC

I must say I only had a few occasions on this blog where I have witnessed excessive OOC behaviours. Also, it's a bit hard to determine what is 'excessive', it's all very subjective, so I will list a few examples that come to mind and could fit the definition.

First of all, I don't mind OOC posting about a mun's worldbuilding, characters, writing approach, headcanons on their muses and so on. If anything, I really like to read about them, they give me a lot more insight on their creative approach and are a big source of inspiration for threads to suggest them! The only excessive aspect I might think of it is when there is A LOT of that and... None of the actual interactions. Aka: it's great to read about all this stuff, my friend, but if you don't actually offer any chance to put this into practice and roleplay with you, it might feel a bit pointless. I had instances of finding very interesting blogs, but once I scrolled through their posts, it was a lot of OOC talking and... None of the writing. Which makes me a bit suspicious about what to expect from it, so I might choose not to followe because I like to keep my dash focussed on RPing as much as possible. The fact that I live in a GMT zone which is different from most of my mutuals makes it challenging to follow dash activity already, so I'd like not to fill it with content that wouldn't be relevant to my hobby here if possible.

Another instance of excessive OOC that comes to my mind (again, according to my perspective), is toxic OOC. We all get salty, it's human, but if every post a person makes OOC is to throw shade and sourness at others / the dash / anything in a constant manner without ever considering dialoguing, my wish to interact with them will plummet. It's not too different from real life stuff -- no one likes to engage with someone who is constantly negative and criticises everyone and everything, and I personally prefer when issues are discussed (and hopefully fixed) rather than casually dropping complaints and never being proactive in making the situation better (and fixing the issue in private where it's due rather than ranting about it publicly). The odd moment of irritation is fine, but if looking back one realises that they are constantly irritated about anything, well, maybe they should consider if it's not a matter of the way they process stuff, and whether it would be worth changing approach. Again, this is just my two cents on the matter.

8. Reblog karma

I am a fan of reblog karma -- in fact, it's in my rules. This is for a couple of reasons: one, I have been treated as a source of memes by certain blogs that followed me but never cared to interact, write, or even reach out, only reblogged the memes I shared and that was it; as I find it quite rude, I usually give it three strikes until I choose to block the blog because of it. Second, which is kinda linked to the former, because RPing, while being a personal hobby, does happen in a community, hence why I think that, as a common effort to keep the fun going and interactions flowing for everyone's amusement, it's a simple matter of kindness to send an ask to the blog we reblog a meme from -- it takes 0 seconds, it fulfills the purpose that meme was reblogged for by the RPing blog in the first moment, and it enhances the possibilities of more people engaging in the meme/game and make it all more enjoyable for everyone.

I completely understand that sometimes you might not have a way/reason to send a certain ask to said mun, not even on anon. But that's why I think that, in this case, is just better to reblog the meme from the source (that's what memes blogs are there for!). I personally prefer to engage as much as possible, but if people don't, reblogging from meme blogs/sources helps them thrive, takes nothing, takes the burden off your shoulders, and doesn't make the other user feel 'used'. Again, a personal opinion.

25. Your character

Oh boy. What to say about Mariko? I can't believe I have been writing her for... Eight years now. It's sweet to say how she has changed in the meantime, and at the same time, how she hasn't changed at all, which makes me both proud and annoyed about her.

Well, let's start with the positive stuff I guess. I am happy that Mariko seems to draw in sympathy from the crowd. I've had a few people telling me she's well written and feels 'alive', which I'm glad to hear (especially considering that I really could treat her in a way more serious way when I write her). I do my best to make her flawed and as imperfect as possible, not becuase of the 'Mary Sue' complex (we all grew past it I think), but mostly because I think flawed characters are the most intriguing ones, and imperfections are great triggers to spike rich threads.

On the other hand, I wish I could write Mariko in a more 'serious' way sometimes. Part of the reason why it doesn't happen is my own selectivity, both in terms of mutuals (not a massive issue here, I consider myself kinda lucky, it's just that simply I need the right muses sometimes), and in terms of story. There are certain narrative knots in Mariko's storyline which I wish could go in a specific way, but I don't want to force anyone on it. Like, the way she finds out she descends from Goku -- it would really challenge her perspective on her life, her predjudices on his historical figure and so much more, and I would like to dedicate it as much time and introspection as possible, but I know this is my need and mine only.

The issue with Mariko is that she isn't born out of a story I had in my mind already; I just wrote down the premises (her life on Earth) but everything about her story from once she arrived in Conton onwards has been litterally shaped by RP interactions. Which has been beautiful, and unexpected, and lots of fun! Some key threads (like the ones with her mentors, with Fu, with Shallot) did a lot to make her grow in Conton, and by accomodating to mutuals turnover and so on, other opportunities to develop her came naturallly -- Mariko's devotion to her mentors, for example. The mutual who wrote both Nappa and Raditz back then is no longer active, which sparked a sense of 'abandonment' in Mariko's character, a nostalgia for her acquired family in Conton, and a need to cling on their figures whenever possible, reflected in later threads with @risingsouls). So yeah, by extension, Mariko's storyline relies a lot on the interactions I get here. Which, while it can be creative and surprising, it can also limit my chances to explore the character because of this approach, based on the availability or people/threads/muses/anything.

Another "issue" (kinda) I have with Mariko is the way she grew. I decided to progressively age her at some point, so each year that passes is a year she gains. Mariko is currently 23 (or 24? Did I update it this last July??), and I might decide to stop at some point, or not. However, not sure if because of her faceclaim appearance, or because of her attitude, or because people first interacted with her when she was younger, I still struggle to make her come across as more mature -- she seems crystallized in a trope that I struggle to free her from, and it can be frustrating because sometimes I feel like it hinders chances of more serious topics and threads involving her. Maybe it's also the way I write her, and the bratty attitude she has at times. Then again, it is really part of her personality, and while she has become more mature over the years, it's hard to picture her without her 'youthful spark' at times. Not sure. Inputs and constructive criticisms are more than welcome, as always.

#munday mumbling #(these posts are so long I'm sorry)

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dearweirdme · 2 years ago

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I'm the same anon who talks about herd mentality and this:

https://www.tumblr.com/dearweirdme/723922381104660480/have-to-agree-w-one-of-ur-anons-though-that-one?source=share

I'm not the first anon who went on a rant about JK. I just saw where the frustration is coming from so I gave my two cents about it. I think it's my fault for not making it clear, but when I say that I agreed with the OP/first anon, I agreed that JK's words sounded overconfident, which may also translate to being arrogant, to some extent. Sounded being the operative word. I'm not saying JK's deliberately being one, but that his words can sound like that to other people, including me.

I said that because I knew that there are other K-pop solo artists who are already going back and forth with different genres. Best examples would be Ailee and CL, so it's not even a lie to begin with. He can be the most impactful in the future in that sense, sure, but he's not the only one. But he can be ambitious, of course. And he has so much work to do to achieve his goal.

Outsiders may also have different opinions when they hear those words because they don't know anything about JK.

I just find it ridiculous that some anons finds it absurd, makes fun of, and sort of dismiss someone having a different opinion (conformity to others is a sign of herd mentality, hence why I talked about it), and some seemed to have even been implying that one having a different perspective is = hating on someone (might not be the intention, but I digress).

I'm not hating on JK and I know it, but of course, you don't have to believe me. I said what I thought about the statement based on what I know (about the other artists) and I think it's a pretty valid point.

Also, the herd mentality statement is a message to anyone who gets to read it. Make it what you will, I guess. So, there. Thanks for letting me share.

Hi again!

Thanks for explaining which anon you are, that’s a bit easier in conversation 😊.

I agree that it’s very important to state your own thoughts and not just copy those of others. It can be tough at times, because fandom feels like some sort of community to a lot of people.. especially the real passionate fans. Some do get scared of losing their community when they go against it’s ideas. I encourage my anons to speak their minds, and I feel many do actually come with their genuine opinions. That’s the beauty of being able to stay anonymous, it’s not actually a risk to say something ‘impopulair’, because no-one will know who you are. There have been many discussions on here, in which we don’t all agree. I personally have made comments that did bot go over well, and while that may be hard at times.. I do stand by what I think.. and I think in general that is what people like about my blog.. that there is room for different opinions.

But the crux is, this is a Taekook blog and many/most love Jk. I don’t think I am blinded and therefore don’t see his faults. I just don’t see him as arrogant. And most of my anons probably agree with me. I think we all feel strongly about that even. So when someone comes in and goes on a rant about Jk.. you can expect some passionate asks from anons in return. I personally wouldn’t call that herd mentality, but I think we are all just genuinely sure that Jk is not how that anon describes him. Ofcourse it’s a biased response, because there’s mostly Tkkrs here. I’m sure there will be other kind of responses in PJM groups right now.

I understand what you mean about outsiders opinions on his words. I agree that to people who’s first impression of him would be that seven recording film, he might look cocky. Although I liked seeing him record, I did not like the footage as a whole, I think the producers took up too much of the vid and it took away from Jk’s character. We as fans know that, outsiders won’t.

Having a different perspective is definitely not the same as hating on someone. I think in this case though, and with so many arguments between solo’s nowadays, it was taken as an unjust attack on Jk.

#jk #fandom shenanigans

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aro-rambles · 1 year ago

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a fwb with someone you just met becomes just a person you have sex with 90% of the time. And yeah a person you met once isnt a friend actually. Even worse is that its exclusive so you cannot even go out and try to find someone who wants to be romantic with you. Its not bad to want a specific type of relationship, this friendship is better than everything pisses me off!! Doubly so since im actually aplatonic as i found out recently. But i guess im just an awful person who oppressed others because im apl and alloro. Thanks.

1 what is this referring to like what did I do now 😭

2 yeah a person you met once isn't a friend I agree yes

3 literally what is this referring to 😭

4 who said friendship is better than everything bc it sure as he'll wasn't me

my opinion on "which type of relationship is better than everything" is none. they're all the same. you can literally do the same things in every single type of relationship as long as both people involved agree to it. so basically "friendship" doesn't exist unless you want it to. and I personally am a hater of things that don't exist not because I don't like them but because everyone expects me to play along with their fucking bullshit all the time.

so what I'm saying is. I have nothing against any type of relationship. I have nothing in favor of any kind of relationship. I literally don't care.

5 it is in fact not bad to want a specific kind of relationship, i agree

6 I'm gonna say you're not an awful person bc you seem to just have seen something that made you angry and then decided to give your two cents to the poor unfortunate soul who said it AND you were civil about it, hence why I even bothered to answer this ask. so. you're not an awful person (even though to me personally you're on thin ice) and you're not oppressing anyone simply by being apl and alloro

7 what was this about please 😭

#ask

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beforeviolets · 5 months ago

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I know I wasn’t asked here, but I’d like to pop in as a Jewish sensitivity reader, book reviewer, etc. to add an additional two cents. Though I agree and second everything already said here.

I have noticed a few “retellings” of stories from the “Hebrew bible” over the past few years, written by non-Jewish authors. And though I don’t think it’s inherently problematic or antisemitic to take inspiration from Jewish stories as a non-Jewish individual, I do find it frankly a bit insulting for non-Jewish authors to assert themselves onto these texts that exist as religious and cultural touchstones for a closed practice.

Fun fact about me is that I studied stage directing in undergrad, and learned a really helpful tip that I like to impart. This was specifically used to help us as directors gain a confident and quality vision on restagings of plays but translates incredibly well to the world of writing retellings. Directors/authors/creatives/etc. should be able to answer 3 questions about the piece they wish to reimagine. 1. Why is telling this piece relevant right now? 2. Why am I the right person to add to the conversational history of this piece? 3. What am I adding to the conversation of this piece’s history?

And as was mentioned above, it seems as though you may not have enough information about the piece itself and its conversational history (which makes sense, as you’re not a rabbi or Jewish folklorist/scholar/etc. who has been engaged in good faith discussion about this work and its relationship to the Jewish people) to answer both 2 and 3.

And for number 2, I personally believe that commentary and criticism about a cultural tale should be led by the individuals of said culture. That isn’t to say that other people can’t involve themselves in that conversation, but writing a whole book is pretty authoritative, even if it’s only a fictional retelling.

How many people do you think learned about Circe for the first time reading Madeline Miller’s book? Ariadne with Jennifer Saint? The list goes on. These books create modern touchstones for modern readers about these characters, and again, with Vashti especially being a character specifically from a closed cultural/religious group, her modern cultural touchstones should be defined by the folks of that culture. And especially by folks who understand the history of that culture’s engagement with the original story.

In all honesty, Jewish people are capable of discussing and criticizing and analyzing our own stories. In fact, it’s famously one of the things we do (hence the Talmud and Midrash). So it feels, honestly violating and belittling of the Jewish people for a non-Jew to say “hey Jews, I read your text and I have Thoughts and Opinions and a Vision to impose on this for you.” It erases the vast history of our own scholarly work and silences the voices of our own feminist writers.

(And on a personal note, I’ve seen Jewish voices cut down out of publishing, while goyim get to tell our stories through misinformed lenses. And honestly, it would break my heart a little bit to see a retelling of Esther and Vashti, especially one that criticizes it, to be written by a non-Jew. We don’t need or want you to explain/translate/change/critique our stories for us.)

@oldshrewsburyian

in regards to my earlier question about what would be the likely reaction of a royal court to a queen committing adultery, I want to tell you about a fantasy story I want to write:

I'm thinking of writing a story meant to be a retelling of The Book of Esther from the Hebrew bible with Vashti and Esther as protagonist with the story being told from their POVs.

In The Book of Esther, the king of Persia throws a huge banquet attended by all the members of the court, dignitaries and afterwards all the inhabitants of his capital as well. On the last day of the latter banquet, Ahasuerus orders the queen, Vashti, to display her beauty before the guests by coming before them wearing her crown. She refuses, infuriating Ahasuerus, who on the advice of his counselors removes her from her position, and that's the end of her appearance in the story.

Vashti is portrayed in a rather unsympathetic light in traditional jewish sources, and the things written about her by the authors would be interesting to analyze from a feminist perspective to say the least:

(in my opinion it comes across as twisted to assume "sinful intentions" despite the men and women dining separately, since by our standards that's rather modest).

Traditionally, the king's command was for Vashti to appear "wearing nothing but her crown" which means her refusal was standing up to sexual coercion and exploitation.

I've been told by the historian that "The decadent hypersexual elements are characteristic of both Greek views on the Persian harem and exaggerated Jewish portrayals of eastern conquerors immediately before and after the Persian period." In light of this, I want to create a depiction of life in the Persian royal court which while not historically accurate, faithfully captures their social attitudes and material lives, especially when it comes to gender and sex.

In contrast to the rather sexualized depiction Vashti has in traditional sources I wanted to explore feminist themes by showing what it would actually be like for royal women when it came to sexual freedom and the lack thereof-while men had access to multiple wives, concubines and courtesans, women needed to appear pure and virtuous at all times and to have sex outside of marriage would be an extreme transgression with dire consequences if found out.

I was surprised to learn that it is possible for medieval European royal courts to have a "live and let live" attitude in regards to a queen taking an extramarital lover, causing me to doubt my earlier assumption that it would be nearly impossible for a queen to get away with an affair, but I'm still determined to explore sexual double standards for men and women in my story.

If it's OK I want your opinions on my ideas.

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desert-warmth · 7 years ago

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| Concept time!

| So I did it. A whole wall of text dedicated to the two daredevils at the gate to the Harvest Valley. I started at about 4-something in the morning, and right now it’s almost 7 AM here. Why must my brain work in such odd way? | The main idea behind Leila and Aidan was rather simple: I liked the trope of evil anime henchwomen that are capable enough to pose a threat to be considered dangerous, and yet they are weak enough to not become too much of a problem for the Protagonist and their associates. Hence I needed a pair of just such characters because let’s face it - I am not too creative in the first place.

| These two desert thots stand in the open, right under the sun that is a deadly lazer, and initially when you meet them the first time (assuming you never saw let’s plays and thus you have no idea what to expect) - you get burn by a literal fire barrage from two sources. | Aidan stands down below - she is especially dangerous to those who don’t pay attention to the surroundings. Bonus points if the player spends too much time while being up close and personal, and triggers her Kiss of Death attack.

| Leila will burn the player if they are taking too much time getting rid of Aidan in melee, which may happen with those who just got there for the very first time. The two women, thus, are working in a team, which makes sense when I say that those two stand near to each other not by mere coinsurance...

| I can see these two knowing each other since long before the Curse took their lives. Several times I dropped mentions that they initially told everyone that they are sisters by blood, and later they got rather tainted reputation when they showed the same passion to each other that Kneesocks and Scanty. Yes, I mean that one scene that left me quite impressed from the boldness of the Gainax team. Should have seen that one coming I suppose. | Nevertheless, I can’t merely say ‘’Oh these two are essentially just those two anime characters except they aren’t demons’’. Leila and Aidan were, for starters, a two-piece part of the beautification research project conducted by a certain madwoman who later decided that having a head on her shoulders is too mainstream. | Since I have (too much) creative freedom on my hands - I can have a headcanon that the queen of the local dusty poisonous castle-thingy used her own handmaidens as lab rats. Leila and Aidan, thus, were not merely enhanced magically and alchemically to look flawless by all accounts - Mytha used this pair of non-sisters to see how well can she enhance the two most commonly admired parts of female body. Thus Leila got quite an ample rear, and Aidan got good ol’ hentai tiddies that naturally disobey the laws of physics. | I did say that I had a simple concept for these two - something lighthearted that catches one’s eyes. Nevertheless, one should not take these two for mere anime bimbos. This duo of desert women have vast knowledge in the art of torture. They are very good at it, I even wrote an entire wall of text describing how Inara was somewhat terrified of these two because of this very reason. This is also the reason why I was hesitant to just write how would these two ‘play’ with a caught undead traveler. Leila and Aidan are not into kisses and hugs, and I am not quite comfortable with writing gory stuff, so... | Yes, I chickened out that one time when someone asked me to write about these two. Leila and Aidan aren’t too strong as enemies, but if one is stupid enough to surrender their body to them in hopes of fantastic sexy times - that one misadventurer will be never seen again - Leila and Aidan won’t let them die, and instead the duo of desert demonesses will abuse the limits of immortality that the Curse gives to the undead to their heart’s desires. And those desires are rather cruel, as you might guess by now. | Leila and Aidan are from the same nomadic tribe of Jugo. They have same small tattoos of red flowering desert shrubs on their shins that can prove it. Initially, when they just began their service in Mytha’s stony bungalow, they quickly found the same ground mostly because they spoke the same dialect. A few months and one extremely passionate night later they discovered that they are much more like-minded that they assumed initially, to their great delight, and eventually something made their mistress relocate them to the outside area of the castle. | No-one knows the precise reason of this ‘exile’. No-one knew what exactly did they do, and with whom, but none of the women of Jugo wants to know this particular detail. Zulfiya could say more than a few words on this matter, but she is very quiet for the last several centuries. One might just wonder why.

| More about these two:

| Leila is the ‘calm one’ in the pair. She is slightly less emotional than Aidan, but that doesn’t mean that she is less cruel in tortures. The desert woman has a thing for fancy golden and silver hair ornaments - she came from a rather poor family, and she was quite jealous to the other girls in the tribe who had some ‘pretty little shiny things’ in their hair. Leila’s hair is very similar in color and shape to Inara’s hair, except it’s not as bewitchingly long, but instead - Leila keeps her relatively long hair neatly cut in ‘Hime Hairdo’. Naturally her hair now have quite a few of small shiny hair ornaments that she always wanted to posses.

| Leila has no scars or other skin imperfections, but neither she has any beauty marks, unlike Aidan for instance, and it makes Leila moderately jealous of her ‘dear little sister’. Leila loves grapes of light-yellow variety, and the day she discovered that Inara grows some in her garden was one of the happiest in her unlife. Since Leila had some minor knowledge in botany - she was able to give Inara some hints and suggestions, which made the other desert woman quite surprised. The two desert women sometimes talk about plants when one visits another, up until Aidan gets bored and changes the topic.

| After Leila’s disappearance her parents were left by their younger children and then they died from a plague two dozens years after Leila was taken from the Jugo after Mytha ‘acquired’ her on one of the shady bazaars - Leila got in there after she and several of tribesmen and tribeswomen were captured by the rival tribesmen.

| Since she was the only adult daughter in her family - they didn’t get better financially after this event. Leila’s very first venture across the desert in a spice caravan ended rather drastically for her family, and it indirectly caused them to go further down into poverty. Leila, however, never knew what have happened with her family after she lost her freedom, and, for some while, she hoped that she will see them again one day. Currently Leila thinks that the fate was at least kind enough to give her a bubbly little sister that she always wanted.

| Aidan is what one can call a ‘’cheerful torturer’’ - she loves life and she loves making others think about their happy moments that are long gone since Aidan got her hands on some unlucky somebody. She came from a family of a decently wealthy merchant that lost his entire caravan to one particular event that may have direct connection to Leila’s fate. The merchant, for once, forgot his own credo about not putting all eggs in one basket, and it hurt his finances hard. The sudden debts made Aidan’s family take drastic measures, among which was the one she can’t quite understand nor forgive.

| Unlike Leila, who got caught in the open and sold into slavery by bandits against her will when she was barely seventeen years old - Aidan was tricked by her own only older sister to the slave market when she was thirteen. Aidan considered herself to be ‘unjustly punished by life’ ever since, until roughly ten years later Mytha told her matter-of-factly that the slaver who sold her to Mytha mentioned that Aidan’s own sister betrayed her in such way. Crestfallen, Aidan could never understand how such thing was even possible, and how her own blood related sister could do such thing.

| It took Aidan a long while to accept the reality, and even though she was very bitter about it for quite a while - eventually her upbeat nature took over, and Aidan simply acknowledged the fact that she will never see her family ever again. She doesn’t know precisely if her parents sanctioned such heinous betrayal or not, nor does she care too much. The fact that she insists on calling Leila her ‘big sister’ might have some connection with the aforementioned event. | Aidan was somewhat spoiled girl, so she had quite a difficult time learning how to be someone’s handmaiden. She thinks that Leila helped her a lot, but the other woman thinks that she merely did what she could to help the ‘new girl’ to adapt to her new life. | Currently Aidan has slightly shorter skirt than the rest of the desert sorceresses - she likes the feeling of warm air blowing on her legs. Her hair are somewhat wavy and messy, and she might become somewhat giggly when she is excited. Unlike Leila’s flawless skin - Aidan has quite a number of notable moles on her body. The most notable ones would be: | The one on upper-right part of her massive anime left tiddy. She also have two noticeable moles on her face: one slightly right of her mouth, and one near her right eye too. One mole slightly below her navel, a bit to the left side. One mole on her right side, about ten-something centimeters below her right arm-pit, and one behind her left knee - fifteen or so centimeters above the backside of left knee. There are several more tiny beauty marks elsewhere on her body, but they are way less noticeable and thus don’t matter much.

#| two out of seven |#| I could add so much more but I'd rather not |#| those are little details that aren't interesting nor important |#| still - my ears are yours if you have some suggestions |#| Anon or not - it doesn't matter - I sincerely want to develop these two daredevils |#| hence why I am asking for your two cents |#| because right now Leila and Aidan are just two Dark Eldars that somehow were born in Jugo as Humans |#| I am not too happy with my shallow imagination |#| they both had rather crappy luck but why did they decide that hurting people is fun? |#| who knows |#| maybe even they do not understand it |#| but they sure do love it |#| it makes them feel less dead inside |#| which is important for all the undead |#| on a side note |#| making this much backstory for two literal nobodies in a dark souls game was surprisingly fun |#| it has little to no sense and I should have probably used this time differently but it was either this or several hours spent in games |#| I am somewhat satisfied with the result |

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stormblessed95 · 2 years ago

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Stormy… happy new year🥰😍

Adding my two cents to the shitstorm happening in your inbox. On the subject of jikook being distant debate, a lot of jkkrs might not agree with me but it is better this way. I don’t listen to the subgroup neither do I care about their opinions. I know a lot of people believe in jikook but they want scores points against tkkrs hence the insecurity. But ever since jm’s leaked mail, I gave up every selfish thoughts of jikook being open. If you ask me why, it’s just the thought that those people could have gotten their hands on something more incriminating or life/ career threatening for him i.e something about his love life which if what we believe is true can be career ending not just for him but for other members. If there’s anything they have to do to protect themselves, I would rather they do it even if it is sneaking into each other’s room at 1 am where the world won’t see them. I don’t want to see the evidence of their relationship plastered on soc med. it isn’t my relationship. I really hope people will stop this selfish entitlement they feel towards them. That way if we turn out to be wrong, we can be genuinely happy for them and their future partners. I am glad that jiminie seems to have his privacy on a lockdown and I wish people will also accord the same respect to jk. Sincerely hope for the best for both of them💜

*hugs*

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shihalyfie · 3 years ago

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Hi :) If it's not too much trouble, could you please share your take on why they'd continue the Adventure brand after tri. was such a flop? (and a tangent: what does "dark history" even mean?). We got Kizuna, the reboot, and a 02 movie. Logically, it doesn't really make sense they'd keep investing in it.

This is a thorny topic, and I'd like to reiterate that although I've ended up making more posts related to this series and the discourse surrounding it recently (probably because it's even more on the mind now that another movie is on the horizon and a lot of people are apprehensive for various reasons), I do not want this blog to be making a brand out of being critical of this series. I’m writing this here and in public because I figured that there is a certain degree I need to clarify what I mean about audience reception/climate and how it might impact current or future works, and I’m admittedly also more than a little upset that I occasionally see Western fanbase criticisms of the series getting dismissed by people claiming that the only people mad about it are dramamongering or ignorant Westerners (which could not be further from the truth). However, this is mainly to address this and to answer your question, and is not intended to try and change anyone's existing opinion or impression of the series as much as it's me trying to explain (from my own personal reading of the situation) what practically went down with critical reception in real life; no more, no less.

The short summary of the matter is:

The series was a moderate financial success (albeit with some caveats; see the long version for details) and definitely outstripped a lot of prior attempts to revive the franchise;

However, the overall Japanese fanbase-side critical backlash from tri. was extremely and viciously negative to the point where even acknowledging the series too much could easily result in controversy;

Kizuna’s production and the PR surrounding it very obviously have this in mind with a lot of apparent “damage control” elements.

The long version is below.

Note that while I try to be diligent about citing my sources so people understand that I’m not just making things up wholesale, I’m deliberately refraining from linking certain things here this time, both because some of the things mentioned have some pretty crude things written there -- it’s not something I feel comfortable directing people to regardless of what language it’s in -- and because I don’t want to recklessly link things on social media and cause anyone to go after or harass the people involved. For the links that have been provided, please still be warned that some of them don’t really link to particularly pleasant things.

I am not writing the following information to suggest that anyone should agree or disagree with the sentiments being described. I know people tend to take "a lot of people like/hate this" as a signal of implication "it is correct to like/hate this" when it's not (and I especially dislike the idea of implying that Japanese fanbase opinions are the only correct ones). There's a reason I focus on "critical reception being this way" (because it influences marketing decisions and future direction) rather than how much this should impact one's personal feelings; this is coming from myself as someone who is shamelessly proud of liking many things that had bad critical reception, were financial failures, or are disliked by many. As I point out near the end, the situation also does seem to be changing for the better in more recent years as well.

Also, to be clear, I'm a single person who's observing everything best I can from my end, I have no affiliations with staff nor do I claim to, and as much as I'm capable of reading Japanese and thus reading a lot of people's impressions, I'm ultimately still another “outsider” looking in. These are my impressions from my observation of fan communal spaces, following artists and reading comments on social media and art posting websites, and results from social media searches. In the end, I know as much as anyone else about what happened, so this is just my two cents based on all of my personal observations.

A fanbase is a fanbase regardless of what part of the world you're from. There are people who love it and are shameless about saying so. There are people who have mixed feelings or at least aren't on extreme ends of the spectrum (as always, the loudest ones are always the most visible, but it's not always easy to claim they're the predominant percentage of the fanbase). That happens everywhere, and I still find that on every end I've seen. However, if I'm talking about my impressions and everything I’ve encountered, I will say that the overall Japanese reaction to tri. comes off as significantly more violently negative on average than the Western one, which is unusual because often it's the other way around. (I personally feel less so because the opinions are that fundamentally different and more so because we're honestly kind of loud and in-your-face people; otherwise, humans are mostly the same everywhere, and more often than not people feel roughly the same about everything if they’re given the same information to work with.)

This is not something I can say lightly, and thus would not say if I didn’t really get this impression, but...we're talking "casually looking up movie reviews for Kizuna have an overwhelming amount of people casually citing any acknowledgment of tri. elements as a negative element", or the fact that even communal wikis for "general" fandoms like Pixiv and Aniwota don't tend to hold back in being vicious about it (as of this writing, Pixiv's wiki refuses to consider it in the same timeline as Adventure, accusing it of being "a series that claims to be a sequel set three years after 02 but is in fact something different"). Again, there are people who openly enjoy it and actively advocate for it (and Pixiv even warns people to not lord over others about it condescendingly because of the fact that such people do exist), and this is also more of a reflection of “the hardcore fanbase on the Internet” and not necessarily the mainstream (after all, there are quite a few other Digimon works where the critical reception varies very heavily between the two). Nevertheless, the take-home is that the reputation is overall negative among the Internet fanbase to the point that this is the kind of sentiment you run into without trying all that hard.

I think, generally speaking, if we're just talking about why a lot of people resent the series, the reasons aren't that different from those on the Western side. However, that issue of "dark history" (黒歴史): there's a certain degree of demand from the more violently negative side of the fanbase that's, in a sense, asking official to treat it as a disgrace and never acknowledge it ever again, hence why Kizuna doing so much as borrowing things from it rather than rejecting it outright is still sometimes treated like it’s committing a sin. So it's somewhat close in spirit to a retcon movement, which is unusual because no other Digimon series gets this (not even 02; that was definitely a thing on the Western end, but while I'm sure there are people who hate it that much on their end too, I've never really seen it gain enough momentum for anyone to take it seriously). If anyone ever tells you that Japanese fanbases are nice to everything, either they don't know Japanese, are being willfully ignorant, or are lying to you, because there is such thing as drama in those areas, and in my experience, I've seen things get really nasty when things are sufficiently pushed over the edge, and if a fanbase wants to have drama, it will have drama. This happens to be one of those times.

(If you think this is extreme, please know that I also think so too, so I hope you really understand that me describing this sentiment does not mean I am personally endorsing it. Also, let me reiterate that the loudest section of the fanbase is not necessarily the predominant one; after all, as someone who’s been watching reactions to 02 over the years, I myself can attest that its hatedom has historically made it sound more despised than it actually is in practice.)

My impression is that the primary core sentiment behind why the series so much as existing and being validated is considered such an offense (rather than, say, just saying "wow, that writing was bad" and moving on) is heavily tied to the release circumstances the series came out in during 2015-2018, and the idea that "this series disrespected Adventure, and also disrespected the fanbase.” (I mean, really, regardless of what part of the world you’re from, sequels and adaptations tend to be held to a higher bar of expectation than standalone works, because they’re expected to do them justice.) A list of complaints I’ve come across a lot while reading through the above:

The Japanese fanbase is pretty good at recordkeeping when it comes to Adventure universe lore, partially because they got a lot of extra materials that weren’t localized, but also partially because adherence to it seems to generally be more Serious Business to them than it is elsewhere. For instance, “according to Adventure episode 45, ‘the one who wishes for stability’ (Homeostasis) only started choosing children in 1995, and therefore there can be no Chosen Children before 1995” is taken with such gravity that this, not anything to do with evolutions or timeline issues, is the main reason Hurricane Touchdown’s canonicity was disputed in that arena (because Wallace implies that he met his partners before 1995). It’s a huge reason the question of Kizuna also potentially not complying to lore came to the forefront, because tri. so flagrantly contradicts it so much that this issue became very high on the evaluation checklist. In practice, Kizuna actually goes against Adventure/02 very little, so the reason tri. in particular comes under fire for this is that it does it so blatantly there were theories as early as Part 1 that this series must take place in a parallel universe or something, and as soon as it became clear it didn’t, the resulting sentiment was “wow, you seriously thought nobody would notice?” (thus “disrespecting the audience”).

A lot of the characterization incongruity is extremely obvious when you’re following only the Japanese version, partially because it didn’t have certain localization-induced characterization changes (you are significantly less likely to notice a disparity with Mimi if you’re working off the American English dub where they actually did make her likely to step on others’ toes and be condescending, whereas in Japanese the disparity is jarring and hard to miss) and partially due to some things lost in translation (Mimi improperly using rough language on elders is much easier to spot as incongruity if you’re familiar with the language). Because it’s so difficult to miss, and honestly feels like a lot of strange writing decisions you’d make only if you really had no concept of what on earth happened in the original series, it only contributes to the idea that they were handling Adventure carelessly and disrespectfully without paying attention to what the series was even about (that, or worse, they didn’t care).

02 is generally well-liked there! It’s controversial no matter where you go, but as I said earlier, there was no way a retcon movement would have ever been taken seriously, and the predominant sentiment is that, even if you’re not a huge fan of it, its place in canon (even the epilogue) should be respected. So not only flagrantly going against 02-introduced lore but also doing that to a certain quartet is seen as malicious, and you don’t have as much of the converse discourse celebrating murdering the 02 quartet (yeah, that’s a thing that happened here) or accusing people with complaints of “just being salty because they like 02″ as nearly as much of a factor; I did see it happen, or at least dismissals akin to “well it’s Adventure targeted anyway,” but they were much less frequent. The issue with the 02 quartet is usually the first major one brought up, and there’s a lot of complaints even among those who don’t care for 02 as much that the way they went about it was inhumane and hypocritical, especially when killing Imperialdramon is fine but killing Meicoomon is a sin. Also, again, “you seriously think nobody will see a problem with how this doesn’t make sense?”

I think even those who are fans of the series generally agree with this, but part of the reason the actual real-life time this series went on is an important factor is that the PR campaign for this series was godawful. Nine months of clicking on an egg on a website pretending like audience participation meant something when in actuality it was blatantly obvious it was just a smokescreen to reveal info whenever they were ready? This resulted in a chain effect where even more innocuous/defensible things were viewed in a suspicious or negative light (for instance, "the scam of selling the fake Kaiser's goggles knowing Ken fans would buy it only to reveal that it's not him anyway"), and a bunch of progressively out-of-touch-with-the-fanbase statements and poor choices led to more sentiment “yeah, you’re just insulting the fanbase at this point,” and a general erosion of trust in official overall.

On top of that, the choice of release format to have it spread out as six movies over three years seems to have exacerbated the backlash to get much worse than it would have been otherwise, especially since one of the major grievances with the series is that how it basically strung people along, building up more and more unanswered questions before it became apparent it was never going to answer them anyway. So when you’re getting that frustrated feeling over three whole years, it feels like three years of prolonged torture, and it becomes much harder to forgive for the fallout than if you’d just marathoned the entire thing at once.

For those who are really into the Digimon (i.e. species) lore and null canon, while I’m not particularly well-versed in that side of the fanbase, it seems tri. fell afoul of them too for having inaccurately portrayed (at one point, mislabeled) special attacks and poorly done battle choreography, along with the treatment of Digimon in general (infantilized Digimon characterization, general lack of Digimon characters in general, very flippant treatment of the Digital World in Parts 3-5). If you say you’re going to “reboot” the Digital World and not address the entire can of worms that comes with basically damaging an entire civilization of Digimon, as you can imagine, a lot of people who actually really care about that are going to be pissed, and the emerging sentiment is “you’re billing this as a Digimon work, but you don’t even care about the monsters that make up this franchise.”

The director does not have a very positive reputation among those who know his work (beyond just Digimon), and in general there was a lot of suspicion around the fact they decided to get a guy whose career has primarily been built on harem and fanservice anime to direct a sequel to a children’s series. Add to that a ton of increasingly unnerving statements about how he intended to make the series “mature” in comparison to its predecessor (basically, an implication that Adventure and 02 were happy happy joy series where nothing bad ever happened) and descriptions of Adventure that implied a very, very poor grasp of anything that happened in it: inaccurate descriptions of their characters, poor awareness of 02′s place in the narrative, outright saying in Febri that he saw the Digimon as like perpetual kindergartners even after evolving, and generally such a flippant attitude that it drove home the idea that the director of an Adventure sequel had no respect for Adventure, made this series just to maliciously dunk on it for supposedly being immature, and has such a poor grasp of what it even was that it’s possible he may not have seen it in the first place (or if he did, clearly skimmed it to the extent he understood it poorly to pretty disturbing levels). As of this writing, Aniwota Wiki directly cites him as a major reason for the backlash.

In general, consensus seems to be that the most positively received aspect of the series (story-wise) was Part 3 (mostly its ending, but some are more amenable to the Takeru and Patamon drama), and the worst vitriol goes towards Parts 2 (for the blatantly contradictory portrayal of Mimi and Jou and the hypocritical killing of Imperialdramon) and 4 (basically the “point of no return” where even more optimistic people started getting really turned off). This is also what I suspect is behind the numbers on the infamous DigiPoll (although the percentage difference is admittedly low enough to fall within margin of error). However, there was suspicion about the series even from Part 1, with one prominent fanartist openly stating that it felt more like meeting a ton of new people than it did reuniting with anyone they knew.

So with all of that on the table: how did this affect official? The thing is that when I say “violently negative”, I mean that also entailed spamming official with said violently negative social media comments. While this is speculation, I am fairly certain that official must have realized how bad this was getting as early as between Parts 4 and 5, because that’s where a lot of really suspicious things started happening behind the scenes; while I imagine the anime series itself was now too far in to really do anything about it, one of the most visible producers suddenly vanished from the producer lineup and was replaced by Kinoshita Yousuke, who ended up being the only member of tri. staff shared with Kizuna (and, in general, the fact that not a single member of staff otherwise was retained kind of says a lot). Once the series ended in 2018 and the franchise slowly moved into Kizuna-related things, you might notice that tri.-branded merch production almost entirely screeched to a halt and official has been very touchy about acknowledging it too deeply; it’s not that they don’t, but it’s kind of an awfully low amount for what you’d think would be warranted for a series that’s supposed to be a full entry in the big-name Adventure brand.

The reason is, simply, that if they do acknowledge it too much, people will get pissed at them. That’s presumably why the tri. stage play (made during that interim period between Parts 4 and 5 and even branded with the title itself) and Kizuna are really hesitant to be too aggressive about tri. references; it’s not necessarily that official wants to blot it out of history like the most extreme opinions would like them to, but even being too enthusiastic about affirming it will also get them backlash, especially if the things they affirm are contradictory to Adventure or 02. And considering even the small references they did put in still got them criticism for “affirming” tri. too much, you can easily see that the backlash would have been much harder if they’d attempted more than that; staying as close as possible to Adventure and 02 and trying to deal with tri. elements only when they’re comparatively inoffensive was pretty much the “safe” thing to do in this scenario (especially since fully denying tri. would most certainly upset the people who did like the series, and if you have to ask me, I personally think this would have been a pretty crude thing to have done right after the series had just finished). Even interviews taken after the fact often involve quickly disclaiming involvement with the series, or, if they have to bring up something about it, discussing the less controversial aspects like the art (while the character designs were still controversial, it’s at least at the point where some fanartists will still be willing to make use of them even if they dislike the series, albeit often with prominent disclaimers) or the more well-received parts of Part 3; Kizuna was very conspicuously marketed as a standalone movie, even if it shared the point of “the Adventure kids, but older” that tri. had.

(Incidentally, the tri. stage play has generally been met with a good reputation and was received well even among people who were upset with the anime, so it was well-understood that they had no relation. In fact, said stage play is probably even better received than Kizuna, although that’s not too surprising given the controversial territory Kizuna goes into, making the stage play feel very play-it-safe in comparison.)

So, if we’re going to talk about Kizuna in particular: tri. was, to some degree, a moderate financial success, in the sense that it made quite a bit of money and did a lot to raise awareness of the Digimon brand still continuing...however, if you actually look at the sales figures for tri., they go down every movie; part of it was probably because of the progressively higher “hurdle” to get into a series midway, but consider that Gundam Unicorn (a movie series which tri.’s format was often compared to) had its sales go up per movie thanks to word of mouth and hype. So while tri. does seem to have gotten enough money to help sustain the franchise at first, the trade-off was an extremely livid fanbase that had shattered faith in the brand and in official, and so while continuing the Adventure brand might still be profitable, there was no way they were going to get away with continuing to do this lest everything eventually crash and burn.

Hence, if you look at the way Kizuna was produced and advertised, you can see a lot of it is blatantly geared at addressing a lot of the woes aimed at tri.: instead of the staff that had virtually no affiliation with Toei, the main members of staff announced were either from the original series (Seki and Yamatoya) or openly childhood fans, the 02 quartet was made into a huge advertising point as a dramatic DigiFes reveal (and character profies that tie into the 02 epilogue careers prominently part of the advertising from day one), and they even seemed to acknowledge the burnout on the original Adventure group by advertising it so heavily as “the last adventure of Taichi and his friends”, so you can see that there’s a huge sentiment of “damage control” with it. How successful that was...is debatable, since opinions have been all over the board; quite a few people were naturally so livid at what happened with tri. that Kizuna was just opening more of the wound, but there were also people who liked it much better and were willing to acknowledge it (with varying levels of enthusiasm, some simply saying “it was thankfully okay,” and some outright loving it), and there was a general sentiment even among those who disliked both that they at least understood what Kizuna was going for and that it didn’t feel as inherently disrespectful. (Of course, there are people who loved tri. and hated Kizuna, and there are people who loved both, too.)

Moreover, Kizuna actually has a slightly different target audience from tri.; there’s a pretty big difference between an OVA and a theatrical movie, and, quite simply, Kizuna was made under the assumption that a lot of people watching it may not have even seen tri. in the first place. An average of 11% of the country watched Adventure and 02, but the number of people who watched tri. is much smaller, in part due to the fact that its “theater” screenings were only very limited screenings compared to Kizuna being shown in theaters in Japan and worldwide, and in part due to the fact that watching six parts over three years is a pretty huge commitment for someone who may barely remember Digimon as anything beyond a show they watched as a kid, and may be liable to just fall off partway through because they simply just forgot. (Which also probably wasn’t helped by the infamously negative reputation, something that definitely wouldn’t encourage someone already on the fence.) And that’s yet another reason Kizuna couldn’t make too many concrete tri. references; being a theatrical movie, it needs to have as wide appeal as possible, and couldn’t risk locking out an audience that had a very high likelihood of not having seen it, much less to the end -- it may have somewhat been informed by tri.’s moderate financial success and precedent, but it ultimately was made for the original Adventure and 02 audience more than anything else.

I would say that, generally, while Kizuna is “controversial” for sure, reception towards the movie seems to be more positive than negative, it won over a large chunk of people who were burned out by tri., and it clearly seems to have been received well enough that it’s still being cashed in on a year after its release. The sheer existence of the upcoming 02-based movie is also probably a sign of Kizuna’s financial and critical success; Kinoshita confirmed at DigiFes 2020 that nothing was in production at the time, and stated shortly after the movie’s announcement that work on it had just started. So the decision to make it seems to have been made after eyeing Kizuna’s reception, and, moreover, the movie was initially advertised from the get-go with Kizuna’s director and writer (Taguchi and Yamatoya), meaning those two have curried enough goodwill from the fanbase that this can be used to promote the movie. (If not, you would think that having and advertising Seki would be the bigger priority.) While this is my own sentiment, I am personally doubtful official would have even considered 02 something remotely profitable enough on its own to cash in on if it weren’t for this entire sequence of events of 02′s snubbing in tri. revealing how much of a fanbase it had (especially with the sheer degree of “suspicious overcompensation” Kizuna had with its copious use of the 02 quartet and it tagging a remix of the first 02 ED on the Hanareteitemo single, followed by the drama CD and character songs), followed by Kizuna having success in advertising with them so heavily. Given all of the events between 2015 and now, it’s a bit ironic to see that 02 has now become basically the last resort to be able to continue anything in the original Adventure universe without getting too many people upset at them about it.

The bright side coming out of all of this is that, while it’s still a bit early to tell, now that we’re three years out from tri. finishing up and with Kizuna in the game, it seems there’s a possibility for things improving around tri.’s reception as well. Since a lot of the worst heated points of backlash against it have a very “you had to have been there” element (related to the PR, release schedule, and staff comments), those coming in “late” don’t have as much reason to be as pissed at it; I’ve seen at least one case of a fanartist getting back into the franchise because of Kizuna hype, watching tri. to catch up, casually criticizing it on Twitter, and moving on with their life, presumably because marathoning the whole thing being generally aware of what’ll happen in it and knowing Kizuna is coming after anyway gives you a lot less reason to be angry to the point of holding an outright grudge. Basically, even if you don’t like it, it’s much easier to actually go “yeah, didn’t like that,” not worry too much about it, and move on. Likewise, I personally get the impression that official has been starting to get a little more confident about digging up elements related to it. Unfortunately, a fairly recent tweet promoting the series getting put on streaming services still got quite a few angry comments implying that they should be deleting the scourge from the Internet instead, so there’s still a long way to go, but hopefully the following years will see things improve further...

In regards to the reboot, I -- and I think a lot of people will agree with me -- have a bit of a hard time reading what exact audience it’s trying to appeal to; we have a few hints from official that they want parents to watch it with their children, and that it may have been a necessary ploy in order to secure their original timeslot. So basically, the Adventure branding gets parents who grew up with the original series to be interested in it and to show it to their kids, and convinces Fuji TV that it might be profitable. But as most people have figured by now, the series has a completely different philosophy and writing style -- I mean, the interview itself functionally admits it’s here to be more action-oriented and to have its own identity -- and the target audience is more the kids than anything else. As for the Internet fanbase of veterans, most people have been critical of its character writing and pacing, but other than a few stragglers who are still really pissed, it hasn’t attracted all that much vitriol, probably because in the end it’s an alternate universe, it doesn’t have any obligation to adhere to anything from the original even if it uses the branding, and it’s clearly still doing its job of being a kids’ show for kids who never saw the original series nor 02, so an attempt to call it “disrespectful” to the original doesn’t have much to stand on. A good number of people who are bored of it decided it wasn’t interesting to them and dropped it without incident, while other people are generally just enjoying it for being fun, and the huge amount of Digimon franchise fanservice with underrepresented Digimon and high fidelity to null canon lore is really pleasing the side of the fanbase that’s into that (I mean, Digimon World Golemon is really deep in), so at the very least, there’s not a lot to be super-upset about.

#tri negativity #shiha's ask box #springcrafter

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notaversetohedonism · 4 years ago

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How They All Found Out : A moxiety oneshot

Word count : 1273

A/N : I really hope you guys like this one! I loved the concept and I really hope I bring it justice in this oneshot! My original prompt was "Patton rising up wearing Virgil's hoodie" so I hope the title is just a little more creative than that haha

Patton felt that familiar tug on his chest, and as he always did, he followed without a second thought. He was.. impulsive, and had slight issues with not thinking before acting : hence the reason he had once shown up in Thomas' living room while not wearing pants. THAT had been a fun conversation later.

He looked to his left, to Roman. It was clear that he had been the one to summon Patton, so he could only assume he was to first look to Creativity. Why was it clear? Well, Logan was not known for summoning the others gently, and while Virgil was far better at it, he had just been in Patton's room with him and... oh no. Patton looked down to confirm what he already knew and yep. That was in fact Virgil's hoodie he was wearing. It was at this point that he realised the whole room was silent. So silent that one could hear a pin drop. As Patton focused on Roman, he saw that his jaw was dropped. Nervously, he looked to Logan, whose eyebrows were raised and his eyes looked a little wide. Thomas was smirking. Patton's gaze went back to Roman just long enough to see him make a pulling gesture with his arm. And then there were 5.

"Um, rude-" were the only words Virgil was able to get out before he saw the look on Patton's face. The furious blushing, the tentative smile. And if Patton had looked adorable in his hoodie before, it was nothing compared to now. Roman, always one to butt in on a cute moment, opened his mouth,

"I- seriously?" He was grinning so widely it looked as though his face might spilt in two. Patton's face was on fire, as was Virgil's, if for very different reasons. Hurriedly, Patton pulled the hoodie off and chucked it in Virgil's direction. It was at this moment that Virgil realised... he fucked up. Pulling the hoodie on and over his head, he groaned to himself. Rather loudly. As if there was no-one else in the room, Patton spoke quietly, in the fondest tone imaginable.

"Sorry, Virge, I forgot I still had it on." Virgil, still blushing a shade so red it practically surpassed puce, could only think to reply with the first thing that came into his head.

"It's fine. It- it looks nice on you." It was Logan's turn to smile now. A small smirk gracing his lips. They were so... fond. He really was happy for them : even though they had not confirmed to him the nature of their relationship, he was no fool. It was the kind of moment one would expect to last a long time. However, Thomas and Roman both appeared to have other plans in mind. They spoke in a jumble at first, but Roman, as usual for conversations of this nature, won out,

"Ok Ok Ok, let me get this straight. Ha, I doubt I can!" Thomas snorted into his hand, still staring at the two blushing men delightedly, "So you," he pointed to Patton, "and you" to Virgil, "clearly have something going on here!" Roman was triumphant in his tone, still grinning widely. Patton turned to Virgil, asking with his eyes the questions his mouth didn't allow him to. Is this ok? Can we tell them about this? I know it's personal for you, are you ready? Without a word, Virgil slipped off his spot on the stairs and made his way over to Patton, bypassing Roman entirely, causing the taller side to look only mildly offended for a change. He slid his hand into Patton's and instantly felt the oh so familiar tangle of Patton's warm fingers within his own. His breathing was a little faster than usual, and he had acted rather on impulse, but he hoped that the look on his face was relatively level. He didn't dare look at Patton : he could feel his grin in the air and he knew that if he looked he'd do something positively stupid like grin back or even kiss him.

Instead, he opted to turn to the romantic side. And oh, what a sight the romantic side was in that moment. The look on his face was priceless, and Virgil silently took a mental photograph that he could laugh at later. His eyes were as wide as the grin on his face. He held one hand over his heart, and the other was laid dramatically over his forehead.

"Finally! Finally you two are dating! Wait, that is what this is, isn't it?" He was 98% positive it was, but he had learnt not to assume. After all, it really did make an "as out of su and me". But for once, his assumption was validated as both Patton and Virgil nodded their heads. "I have endured the pining for MONTHS! I'm fairly convinced you two didn't even realise it, but you have been head over heels for as long as I can remember!" Patton stifled a little giggle at this.

"Actually Ro, the pining wasn't all that bad. We've been dating for a month." Roman swooned, and Thomas decided to take this rare break from Roman's incessant chatter to give his own two cents.

"You know, this is simultaneously a complete surprise and very expected." Virgil was a little nervous to hear what Thomas was about to say, but he instead convinced himself to focus on Patton's thumb that was tracing absent minded circles on his own. "I mean, I obviously noticed the pining," Patton was blushing furiously at this point. "but I really didn't think you guys would get the courage to act on it yet! Congrats guys, you make a cute couple."

"Thanks, Thomas." said Patton quietly, and in that moment Virgil could see just how important it was to his boyfriend that everyone was ok with this relationship.

It was at this point that Virgil and Patton noticed that while Roman and Thomas wore identical grins, Logan had not said a word. Virgil's nerves were written all over his face, and while Patton still wore his grin it faltered just a little, and his grip on Virgil's hand tightened.

"L-lo? I know this is a big adjustment to ask you to make, but we're really happy and we hope you can be happy for us." Logan looked up at Virgil in surprise. Shit. Realising very suddenly that his silence could be interpreted as a lack of support, his words spilled out in a way that was most unordinary.

"O-of course I'm happy for you! I apologise that my silence was interpreted as a lack of, I was simply lost in thought." regaining some composure, Logan continued on to say, "I was merely happy that you two had finally chosen to act on your feelings, you haven't been as subtle with them as I am inclined to believe you thought you were." He stifled a smirk as Patton and Virgil's previously toned down blushing appeared once more with a fiery passion. Patton buried his head in Virgil's hoodie with a small smile that could not be more genuine.

"Thanks L." And suddenly, the smile on Logan's face shifted in a direction none of them were completely used to. It was sincere, with not a hint of a knowing smirk. Roman was still grinning, and Thomas looked genuinely pleased for them. Even Virgil, anxiety himself, had the biggest smile any side other than Patton had ever seen on him.

Virgil was right. This would be a big adjustment. But it was nothing they couldn't handle. And they were ready for it all.

#sanders sides #ts sanders sides #ts virgil #ts patton #moxiety #ts moxiety #romantic moxiety #ts roman #ts logan #ts anxiety #ts creativity #ts logic #ts morality #virgil x patton #patton x virgil

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9worldstales · 3 years ago

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MCU Loki: Is character development what we see in episode 1 or not?

I’ve discovered there’s a debate if what happened to Loki in episode 1 can constitute character development or not so I felt like sharing my two cents about it.

So, character development.

Character development IN THIS SPECIFIC CASE refers to the changes a character undergoes over the course of a story as a result of their experiences (positive or negative) and actions (successful or unsuccessful). Change can be positive or negative as the character can improve himself but also can sink into an abyss of depravity. It’s worth to remark changes is not necessarily always triggered by something they did, it can very well be something that happened to them that caused them to change… but the point of character development, IN THIS CASE, is that there has to be a change in the character. He can’t remain the same.

So… I’ll pick Tony Stark because his situation in “Iron Man” presented plenty of parallelisms with Loki in “Loki” and not just because some like to consider Tony too a narcissist.

So, same as how Loki was taken captive by the TVA, Tony Stark too was taken captive by the Ten Rings. For three months. There Tony is forced to see how the weapons he produced were used by terrorists to kill other Americans and who called him “the most famous mass murderer in the history of America” and were honoured to have him in their hideout. They originally were meant to kill him but since they realized he could be of some use to them, they’re willing to keep him alive because they want his help, not to search a Tony Variant but to produce more weapons. Tony though, understands once they have finished using him, they would dispose of him. Tony also has the major problem of being told to have only a week of life due to the wounds he suffered.

In this part of the story Tony is just a victim, he doesn’t really get to do something, negative things are merely poured onto him.

It parallels what happens to Loki for most of episode 1.

He’s beaten, taken captive, informed he’ll be killed, his execution is postponed because they decided he could be of use, he’s told he’s a murderer, a liberator of eyeballs who wasn't born to be king but to cause pain and suffering and death, all so that others can achieve their best versions of themselves. He’s also told he caused his mother’s death. And, all right, Mobius won’t immediately tell him what he wants him for, but it’s pretty clear he wants him for something.

So, back to Tony, when we have his character growth? When he reacts to all that was poured on him and react not just by fighting back in a typical Tony style (using his brain to create something that would allow him to fight the Ten Rings and escape) but also by changing things. Once he’s back home Tony announces he won’t produce anymore weapons.

The man who said...

Tony: Is it better to be feared or respected? I say, is it too much to ask for both? With that in mind, I humbly present the crown jewel of Stark Industries' Freedom Line. It's the first missile system to incorporate our proprietary repulsor technology. They say the best weapon is one you never have to fire. I respectfully disagree. I prefer the weapon you only have to fire once. That's how Dad did it. That's how America does it. And it's worked out pretty well so far.

...becomes the man who say...

Tony: I never got to say goodbye to Dad. I never got to say goodbye to my father. There are questions that I would have asked him. I would have asked him how he felt about what this company did. If he was conflicted, if he ever had doubts. Or maybe he was every inch the man we all remember from the newsreels. I saw young Americans killed by the very weapons I created to defend them and protect them. And I saw that I had become part of a system that is comfortable with zero accountability. I had my eyes opened. I came to realize that I have more to offer this world than just making things that blow up. And that is why, effective immediately, I am shutting down the weapons manufacturing division of Stark International until such a time as I can decide what the future of the company will be.

This evolution makes sense. It feels believable. Why is that?

Let’s go back to Tony Stark.

Tony stark didn’t mean to be ‘the most famous mass murderer in the history of America’, he was sure his work was protecting people, he didn’t realize it was used by the bad guys, likely because he just accepted his legacy of son of Howard Stark and didn’t bother to think at it any further.

When he discovers things aren’t how he assumed, after a moment of discomfort in which Yinsen had to motivate him...

Yinsen: I'm sure they're looking for you, Stark. But they will never find you in these mountains. Look, what you just saw, that is your legacy, Stark. Your life's work, in the hands of those murderers. Is that how you want to go out? Is this the last act of defiance of the great Tony Stark? Or are you going to do something about it? Tony: Why should I do anything? They're going to kill me, you, either way. And if they don't, I'll probably be dead in a week. Yinsen: Well, then, this is a very important week for you, isn't it?

...he started fighting to change them. It fits with Tony’s personality, it makes narrative sense, it’s well presented, it’s believable on a psychological standpoint (yes, a person like Tony Stark would do this) and from an empathic standpoint (yes, if I were in Tony Stark’s place I would do the same).

When Tony gives his speech in which he shows he has changed, he surprises the people who have no idea what he went through, but not the viewers. For the viewers his reaction is perfectly believable.

So why, for a part of the fandom, what happens to Loki doesn’t feel equally believable since his experience parallels Tony? Why part of the fandom feels there was no character growth at all?

Well, I can’t answer for everyone, everyone probably has his own reasons but merely by keeping up the comparison with what happened to Tony Stark we see how the thing doesn’t work the same.

A premise here, I know there will be people tempted to think Mobius is the stand in for Yinsen because Mobius is likable and, ultimately, he’ll become Loki’s friend.

He’s not.

Yinsen was held captive by the Ten Rings, his life in danger same as Tony. There’s a moment in which they even threaten him and Tony has to stand in to save Yinsen’s life.

Mobius, as far as Mobius and Loki know, is not another prisoner of the TVA, he’s there willingly. Yes, he’s operating under the false belief he has been created by the TVA but he’s not aware of it. In that moment, as far as Mobius is involved, he’s a willing operative of the TVA, someone in with authority, in control of Loki’s life...

Mobius: Mmm... Luckily, he believes in himself enough for the both of us. And, hey, if it doesn't work, I'll delete him myself. He's really arrogant.

...and the TVA is his purpose, his life and he believes it to be real.

Mobius: It's exactly the same thing. Because if you think too hard about where any of us came from, who we truly are, it sounds kinda ridiculous. Existence is chaos. Nothing makes any sense, so we try to make some sense of it. And I'm just lucky that the chaos I emerged into gave me all this... My own glorious purpose. Cause the TVA is my life. And it's real because I believe it's real.

He doesn’t feel threatened by the TVA, coerced. He’s doing what he does because he believes he’s playing the good guy.

Mobius: All that time, I really believed we were the good guys.

So no, Mobius here is not the equivalent of Yinsen, he’s the equivalent of Abu Bakaar, the guy who tells Tony he’s ‘the most famous mass murderer in the history of America’ and wants to persuade him to cooperate with the Ten Rings, in the same way Mobius wants to persuade Loki to cooperate with the TVA. Keep this in mind because it’s relevant and easy to forger since we know how things will develop in other episodes.

And okay, now let’s go back on track.

Let’s talk of the motives that caused the change in Tony Stark.

Tony is shown by Abu Bakaar something he previously wasn’t aware of, how his weapons are used to kill Americans, that, by building them, he became an accomplice in killing Americans, which was something he didn’t want, hence the change.

Loki is shown… the events of “The Avengers” which he was aware of and which, of course, doesn’t impress him much…

Loki: No. And I remember. I was there. Anything else?

…as the show didn’t play the card of the sceptre influencing him as they say in the official web. Mobius doesn’t tell Loki ‘you did this but you weren’t in control of yourself, you were manipulated by the sceptre’ no, Mobius tells him ‘you did this’ and Loki’s answer is basically ‘yeah, I know, so? Why should I care?’

So Mobius moves to the events of “Thor: The Dark World” and, more specifically, to how Loki ‘caused’ Frigga’s death.

This is something that, in theory, can work as equivalent of Tony Stark being told his weapons are used by the Ten Rings to kill Americans. Loki clearly didn’t want any harm to befall on Frigga, whom he loved dearly. We know that in “Thor: The Dark World” he sufferd a lot for her death, blamed himself and changed (or better, in the authors’ original intentions, he mostly reversed back to how he was before “Thor” but this is a topic for another meta).

For who doesn’t remember the movie in “Thor: The Dark World” after Frigga’s death Loki:

- agreed to help Thor

- brought him and Jane to Svartalfheim

- put up a show for Malekith according to Thor’s plan without betraying Thor

- protected Jane TWICE, the last time risking his own life to save hers

- stopped the Kurse from killing Thor by stabbing and killing him and, in the original plan for the movie, he was also meant to die doing so. Even if you go by the ending the movie ultimately had, Loki has protected a human, cooperated with saving the universe from the Dark Elves and saved his brother’s life instead than letting Thor get killed.

It’s quite a change from how he was in “The Avengers”.

Then great, we’ve something that could push him to change, right?

Wrong.

For start because what Mobius says had happen to Frigga in truth hadn’t happened yet and wouldn’t have happened to THIS LOKI as he wasn’t carried back on Asgard because he escaped with the Tesseract. THIS LOKI has escaped and so wouldn’t end up captive on Asgard, wouldn’t be jailed and wouldn’t be there when the Kurse would intrude in Asgard’s prisons so there’s no way he can do something that would lead to Frigga’s death. Problem solved.

We continue with the fact that Mobius can’t prove to Loki this would have happened had Loki been carried on Asgard. Let’s forget how the version of what happened he gave to Loki is wrong and misleading. Even if he’d been absolutely truthful, what he does is to show Loki a video... but how can he prove this is the future that was meant to happen and not a lie he’s telling him in order to manipulate him? Tony saw his own weapons being in the hands of the Ten Rings, one of them exploded in front of him, wounding him, he disassembled some of the others, he’s sure the Ten Rings has them. But how can Loki be sure what Mobius is telling him is true and not just an illusion? A lie?

But whatever, the series tries hard to sell us through Loki’s reaction that he believed Mobius’ words about this being true because he totally loses his cool at that scene. So, okay Loki believes so will this change him the way it changed him in “Thor: The Dark World”?

Nope.

Tony changes because he does something to actively prevent Americans from being killed by his weapons, he shuts down their production and he involves himself personally in the fight against terrorists with a weapon only he controls, the Iron Man suit.

What does Loki do to prevent Frigga’s death?

Nothing.

His attempt at escaping might have been made more urgent by this piece of info but was something Loki had tried to do from when he’s been taken to the TVA… and in the following episodes Frigga’s fate will be completely forgotten, as if Loki has stopped worrying about it entirely. When talking with Sylvie about Frigga in episode 3 he doesn’t use it as a motive to explain why he wants to gain control of the TVA, to change his mother’s fate… nor it’s something that inspire him to fight the TVA, because that role belongs to Sylvie and Sylvie only. When he’ll try to persuade the other Loki Variants to help him, again he won’t mention Frigga, just Sylvie. Frigga won’t get mentioned not even when Loki will reach The Citadel at the End of Time and Miss Minute will try to tempt him. She’ll offer him glorious power and Sylvie, nor her nor Loki will try to bargain for his mother’s life instead. No, from episode 2 onward what Loki learnt in episode 1 goes forgotten, so let’s focus solely on episode 1.

Some believe Loki in episode 1 changed because he admitted he didn’t like to hurt people, that he’s a villain and helped to cooperate with Mobius.

Mobius: Loki? Nowhere left to run. Loki: I can't go back, can I? Back to my timeline. I don't enjoy hurting people. I... I don't enjoy it. I do it because I have to, because I've had to. Mobius: Okay, explain that to me. Loki: Because it's part of the illusion. It's the cruel, elaborate trick conjured by the weak to inspire fear. Mobius: A desperate play for control. You do know yourself. Loki: A villain. Mobius: That's not how I see it. You try to use that? Loki: Oh, several times. Even an Infinity Stone is useless here. The TVA is formidable. Mobius: That's been my experience. Listen, I can't offer you salvation, but maybe I can offer you something better. A fugitive Variant's been killing our Minutemen. Loki: And you need the God of Mischief to help you stop him? Mobius: That's right. Loki: Why me? Mobius: The Variant we're hunting is... you.

Only… this doesn’t really work.

Why?

Loki has tried escaping and has been forced to realize he can’t, that’s why he cooperates, that’s why he gives Mobius an answer to what he asked for...

Mobius: Do you enjoy hurting people? Making them feel small? Making them feel afraid?

... why he agrees with his accusations...

Loki: I know what I am. Mobius: A murderer? Loki: A liberator. Mobius: Of eyeballs, maybe.

...and ultimately accepts to work for the TVA.

This parallels Tony refusing to build armies for the Ten Rings, being tortured and, ultimately agreeing to build weapon for them, at least verbally. And let’s remember if it wasn’t for Yinsen’s words Tony might have given up. It’s Yinsen who encouraged him to fight back.

So this doesn’t constitute Loki changing, just accepting he’s powerless against the TVA and must play along with them. Playing along with someone isn’t something new for Loki, the episode even lampshades it.

Mobius: Well, let's start with a little cooperation. Loki: Not my forte. Mobius: Really? Even when you're wooing someone powerful you intend to betray? Come on.

So no, him being forced to accept the TVA is powerful and therefore deciding to cooperate with them is not a change. This series sets it as a normal Loki behaviour… as well as the fact it’ll immediately turn out he intends to betray them.

Loki: Very nice. I mean, it is adorable that you think you could possibly manipulate me. I'm ten steps ahead of you. I've been playing a game of my own all along. Mobius: What, charm your way in front of the Time-Keepers, hustle them, and seize control of the TVA? Am I getting warm? A double cross by history's most reliable liar.

And what for? Power, glorious power.

Loki: I'm going to overthrow the Time-Keepers. And, uh, cards on the table, I could use a qualified lieutenant.

Loki: Oh, yeah? What about you? Your years-in-the-making plan was to tear the place down, create the ultimate power vacuum, and then just walk away. I'd never have done that.

Nothing of what happened on this episode changed what the “Loki” series claimed to be Loki’s character prior to the “Loki” series. At the end of it he’s cooperating with someone more powerful than him so that he could betray him and take the power from him, which is how this series claimed all the Lokis (except Sylvie) were.

There’s no change.

There could have been, what happened in episode 1 could have worked for Loki in the same way it worked for Tony Stark but it didn’t. The authors even stated that his friendship with Mobius started in episode 2, not in episode 1, likely when Loki believed Mobius was sticking out his neck for him and offering him his sympathy.

Loki: Okay. Why are you in there sticking your neck out for me? Mobius: I'll give you two options, and you can believe whichever one you want. A, because I see a scared little boy, shivering in the cold. And you kinda feel bad for that ice runt. Or B, I just wanna catch this guy, and I'll tell you whatever I need to tell you. Loki: I don't need your sympathy.

So we’ve a problem.

The authors rambled more often than not on how much episode 1 changed Loki, how what they called ‘Mobius’ therapy session’ was good for him… but failed to show it in a way that would make sense with the settings set by the series.

If the series states Loki is one who, prior to arriving to the TVA, was used to cooperate when intended on wooing someone powerful he intends to betray and ends with him being willing to cooperate with the TVA after discovering it’s powerful so that he can betray it later, we go exactly back to the starting point. There’s no change, not in this episode.

His words about not enjoying to hurt people but it being merely a play feel like a forced admission of a truth he couldn’t possibly not know and his admission of being a villain isn’t followed by any genuine attempt at changing something in himself. He just acknowledged the role the TVA wanted on him… because he’s trying to woo them so that he could betray them later on.

If we want to stretch things A LOT we might assume seeing Frigga’s death worked for him in the way being told Odin died worked for Thor in “Thor”. It made him more determinate to protect the person he loved, a.k.a. Sylvie… but it stands up poorly, in part because Loki completely forget Frigga, and how she’s going to die in the TVA approved timeline, in part because, although the Loki and Sylvie love story has cute moments that make you wish you could root for them, in truth that too is poorly constructed, with Loki falling for Sylvie for hazy reasons in less than 12 hours (according to the series because she doesn’t want glorious power, according to the authors because she’s a female variant of himself), in part because… well, it doesn’t really feel consequential, it feels more like it’s me forcing such reading because I’ve heard over and over that what happened in episode 1 is supposed to matter, it’s supposed to have changed Loki somehow and so I’m grasping at straws to fit it in the story when it’s actually just forgotten.

So, the real problem is that the series doesn’t bother showing us Loki changing as a direct consequence of what happened in episode 1 in a way that’s relevant and directly consequential.

Sure, it made many happy to have Loki confirm out loud what many in the fandom already figured out, how he doesn’t enjoy hurting people, that it’s all a play.

Sure, it seems self reflection to have him admit he was a villain.

Sure, since many were deluded into thinking the people at the TVA were on the good side, it might feel like an improvement to see Loki agree to side with them.

Sure, the episode, with its parallelisms to what happened with Tony Stark, made us hope it would lead Loki to ultimately do like him.

But when all is said and done, if you look at the scenes in contest and then watch the following episodes, none of this goes anywhere and it couldn’t go anywhere.

We know originally episode 1 was planned to be very different and end just the same, with Loki accepting to cooperate with the TVA. This means the only things that were relevant in the plot that had to be in episode 1 for the series to work were Loki being captured by the TVA, being forced to acknowledge its power and accepting to work with it.

The so called and overly incensed ‘Mobius therapy session’ wasn’t something so fundamental to the plot the story NEEDED it to work and, ultimately, the story forgot it, to focus on Sylvie and on how SHE was the one who changed Loki (as well as Mobius, albeit Mobius changed him in a smaller measure) turning what happened in episode 1 into some sort of ‘Eastern egg’ for who needed to have his mind refreshed on what happened in the other movies in which Loki starred, albeit as the scenes are decontextualized, if you don’t remember well the movies, you’ll end up drawing the wrong conclusion.

It’s sad because Tom Hiddleston’s performance as he watched those scenes was great, possibly the best in the whole series, I mean I heard plenty of people who totally felt for Loki, me as well, because his pain was so raw, so palpable, and this episode just had this BEYOND HUGE amount of potential to turn Loki into another Iron Man… so it’s so very sad to see that in the end it was all dissipated like a soap bubble, never used so that Mobius and Sylvie could be the ones to cause the change in Loki. Which yes, it’s understandable as the story wanted to give them more relevance but feels like a complete waste of an otherwise good opportunity to have Loki decide for himself, due to what he had learnt, a different course in his life.

But whatever, that’s it. Sad, a waste, but that’s the story they decided to tell us, so it comes to no surprise some weren’t sold there was character development here, while they were willing to buy it in “Iron Man”. The story just didn’t build up on what happened in episode 1; it used it like a filler.

Of course though, people can have other reasons than the ones I’ve listed not to see character development. I can’t speak for everyone who didn’t see it… but I’ll say the ones I listed still could work for many.

Lastly, it’s worth to remark this doesn’t mean episode 1 isn’t enjoyable... it is. Hiddleston’s performance is so damn awesome I’ll never get tired to remark it, Wilson does great and this episode brims with potential. But the sad thing is that it remains unfulfilled, episode 1 just doesn’t deliver what he seems to promise, a change in Loki.

#mcu loki #mcu iron man #loki laufeyson #loki odinson #frigga #mobius m mobius #sylvie #tony stark #ho yinsen #abu bakaar #9 worlds study

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imagine-that-one-thing · 4 years ago

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Styles. || 15

Authors Note: Hey everyone!! I know it has been a while since I have updated, but I wanted to pop in and say hi, I am back. I intend to do my best to start writing again and to start where I left off at. I have missed Elise and Harry’s story so much, but I needed the break. With that being said, I am back and doing my best to get back to writing their story. Bare with me as it has always been hard for me to end stories, hence why this one is still kicking. I have a strong connection with the story and I just want to keep writing, so here I am. I hope you all love their story as much as I do. Anyway, I hope you are all well and continue to read my work. xx

For previous chapters, click HERE.

First. Book : Styles and Co

Second Book : Styles’ Towers.

Third Book : The Rise Of Glory.

Styles & Co. || Extras.

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Wouldn’t It Be nice.

My apartment is quiet as I type away at my laptop, attempting to stay focused on my essay with a pounding headache. I have hardly slept the last few nights, and I have been running around like a chicken with its head cut off. Balancing school and work have proven to be extremely troublesome, but I do not regret my decision one bit to take up Jamie’s proposal. I am incredibly appreciative of the opportunity, even if I manage to get an hour or so of sleep a night.

I landed Jamie the clients and completed the meetings as requested, and successfully redesigned one of the portfolios— it has all been worth it. It will one day pay off to only sleep a few hours.

I massage my temples before the sound of my apartment door opening takes my attention. I turn around immediately, almost plummeting to my feet before nonchalantly recognising it’s Elise and not my worst nightmare. Ever since my father appeared at my apartment that one night, I have been on edge, not to mention I also don’t want Logan coming to my apartment. “Hey,” I half-smile towards her as she closes the door behind her and propels me the apartment keys.

I catch the keys in my hands, “Good to know you’re alive, Harry,” Elise’s commentary takes me by surprise as I kiss her cheek, and she moves away from me.

She’s exasperated.

“What do you mean? What’s wrong?” I immediately challenge, “What’s with handing me the keys?” I dangle the keys in my hand.

Elise raises her brow and crosses her arms over her chest, “What’s wrong?” Elise scoffs, “Harry, you haven’t spoken to me in two weeks, not sure if we are even together.”

“What? Sweetheart, I called you the other night before I fell asleep.”

Elise shakes her head, “You haven’t called. I got a text from you, but it said my name, and that was all,” Elise responds, showing me her phone, proving that she is, in fact, correct.

Fuckity-fuck-fuck.

“Oh,” I trail off, feeling like a horrible person… “I’m so sorry.”

And the award for worst boyfriend, once again, goes to me. How wonderful. At this point, I may as well keep an honorary speech on hand. Damnit.

“Harry… if you don’t want to be with me—“

“Darling,” I begin, “I thought I called you the other night… I swear I even texted you today when I woke up,” I assure her, clutching my phone from my table and clicking her messages.

The messages are somewhere here. I know there’s some sort of logical explanation. I remember distinctly. I texted her.

My heart drops, and I shake my head, dissatisfied with myself, “I uh… I never hit send… I never realised that the texts I did send never delivered,” I show her my screen of undelivered text messages and a message from this morning I never sent. “I look like an ass.”

Elise snickers and nods her head, “What else is new?” She jokes, and I can’t help but playfully roll my eyes and grin at her. However, she may be joking; deep down, she and I both know that there’s some truth to the joking matter. I’m an ass, and I can openly admit it.

“I know it is no excuse, but I’m dead tired and busy. I wasn’t trying to blow you off or forget you. I genuinely thought I had called and texted you… Fuck, I’m sorry.”

“You still want to be with me?”

“I’m sorry you even doubt my intentions. Of course, I do. Not sure you feel the same about me.”

It has never been my intentions for her to have to doubt whether I want to be with her. I want to be with her, one-hundred and ten per cent. She’s the woman I aspire to spend my time with. It’s too early to say this, but I want to spend my life with her. We aren’t ready for marriage, but she is the one I want to come home to every night. She’s the one with who I want to grow and build a life.

“I know you’re tired and swamped, but I did feel like you didn’t want to be with me,” Elise confesses.

I nod my head, considering her feelings and how I may have made it seem like I don’t give a damn. “That’s me just being an ass who is struggling to get everything done. Can I make it up to you?”

“How?” Elise demands.

I can imagine she is tired of hearing whether I can make it up to her. I’m tired of hearing it, too. I sound like a broken record, which isn’t my intent, but I am doing my best. My best isn’t good enough, and I know this, but I will do better. I will do what it takes to make her feel valued. I don’t want her ever to have to question my intentions or love for her.

“Stay the night with me. I’ll go to work and come back at around eight before you have to be up. I’ll bring coffee and breakfast… if you like?” I suggest, unsure of how to make things up to her. Dinner and flowers are too cliche, and I have already promised her that. Right now, all I can do is breakfast, and I physically don’t have time for anything else until the weekend.

Elise nods her head and agrees, “Can you maybe try to remember that I’d like a text or a call, so I know you’re alive?”

“I’ll do my best. I’m sorry, baby, I am,” I step closer and kiss her cheek before giving her a warm hug.

I need to make it up to her, and I need to show her I care and want to be with her. She deserves better than a boyfriend who forgets to press send on a text message. It may not be a big deal to some, it was a genuine mistake, but I feel horrible for not realising I hadn’t spoken to Elise. I feel as though I neglected my duties as a boyfriend to make sure she is okay and feel valued and wanted. It is the small things that can make a difference in a relationship.

Elise hasn’t asked for much; she wants my time and effort, which I will give her to the best of my ability.

❈ ❈ ❈

I feel a tender touch to my shoulders, and I draw myself away from my sleeping state. I open my eyes and groggily glance around. Fuck, I fell asleep on my laptop. “You fell asleep,” Elle informs me, her hand massaging soothing circles on my back.

I nod my head and sigh. I touch my fingers to my temple and rub them slowly, “I have the worst headache, and this is due in an hour,” I gesture towards my computer screen that is only making my headache graver.

“Would you like me to finish it for you?” Elise kindly offers.

“Do you even know what I am writing about?” The words leave my lips without me thinking twice about how they sound.

“Don’t be a condescending ass, Harry,” Elise mutters.

I heavily sigh and nod my head, “I’m sorry. Do you know about this,” I motion towards my laptop that has my composition mostly completed? I am not sure if I am nearly finished or not.

“Harry, I can use the literature as a framework to sum up your essay, unless you don’t trust I have the intelligence to do so?” Elise answers, annoyed with me still.

I do not blame her for being irritated with me, After all, I have unintentionally blown her off, and now I am making her believe she is not intelligent, which was not my purposes. I know she is brilliant. She may not be as into the business world as I am, but she is one hell of a writer. Elise is excellent with essays and literature. “And don’t forget, I have to take business, so I do know the basics,” Elise notifies me, and I bow my head.

“Again, I am sorry, Elle,” I apologise, “Be my guest, have at it,” I move my chair, and Elise rests beside me, immediately beginning to read what I have written.

“For someone who is great at business, you have a lot of errors,” Elisse chuckles, nudging me lightly. I nod my head and hum.

“Business major, not an English major, also wrote that with a headache and no sleep,” I mumble before I rest my arms on the desk and place my head to lean in my arms, closing my eyes and falling in and out of sleep while Elise types away. “Harry,” Elise taps me.

I hum my acknowledgement, “Hey, what is the main conclusion you want to be emphasised?”

“Baby, I don’t care,” I murmur tiredly, “Just write whatever sounds good, just don’t fail me,” I continue.

“Great, so I will conclude on valuation and whether to rely on an algorithm or on an ad-hoc analysis,” Elise confirms.

“Sounds good,” I admit, grappling with concentrating, my eyes stinging and my head spinning. “I trust you, darling,” I drowsily mumble, prompting to rest my head on her shoulder, closing my eyes again and drifting off to sleep.

❈

It isn’t long before I am woken, and it feels like only moments have passed where I was put at ease and managed to get a few moments of relaxation. “Hey, Harry, hey, sweetheart,” Elise gradually and benevolently tears me from my sleep, and I lift my head off her shoulder, brushing my eyes as I attempt to focus on her. “It’s done; you need to just go to bed.”

I groggily come to terms with my surroundings, regarding that Elise has finished my paper, “What time is it? I still have work to do,” I shake my head, remembering the collection of work I need to finish. I need to establish a fundamental algorithm for one of my clients, and I still need to figure out a way to balance Elise’s sister’s portfolio that was due the weekend of her wedding. Still, Jamie put it on hold due to her antics and marriage. With Elouise getting married, there is a chance she could venture to combine assets with her husband, but if he is intelligent, he won’t let her encounter any of his assets. I would not combine anything with her. There is a time and a place to consolidate things, and a new marriage is not the time. They have not established boundaries, nor have they demonstrated the true meaning behind the wedding. I think Elouisa married for money, point-blank.

“It’s one, and we are going to bed. You’re not working yourself to death,” Elise informs me, closing down my emails and shutting my laptop.

“Elle, I have to send it and —“

“I already sent it. You owe me, by the way,” Elise smiles, standing up from her position and taking my hand, dragging me with her.

Elise and I wander towards the hallway, “Add it to my tab,” I chuckle, “Tell ya what… I’ll get breakfast in the morning, and this weekend I’ll take you to a nice dinner,” I inform Elise, aware that she deserves more than what I’ve given her lately. I’m not sure how she hasn’t thrown in the towel and told me to go fuck myself.

“That would be nice,” Elise accepts as we step into my bedroom, and I waste no time taking my shirt off and launching it to the corner. This is the earliest I have managed to crawl into bed, and if it weren’t for Elise, I’d still be awake, perching at my computer and making my headache ten times worse.

“Thank you for finishing my paper,” I grasp a t-shirt from my drawer while Elise draws back the covers of my bed, “I appreciate it,” I assure Elise, handing her a t-shirt for her to wear to bed.

“Ignore me again for a week or two, and I won’t be so nice,” Elise responds, taking the shirt from my hands. I nod my head, and I don’t expect her to be friendly and forgiving when I fuck up and act like an arse. I need to be held accountable. Elise leans up and kisses my cheek before caressing her hands to my chest, “You’re hot.”

“Thanks, but I’m not in the mood for compliments.”

“Moron,” Elise rolls her eyes, “You’re warm,” she caresses her hands to my cheeks, “Your cheeks are flushed.”

“Mhm,” I hum, “I get migraines after a long period with little sleep,” I shrug my shoulders, not too concerned about things, “It happens like once every few months.”

“Has it ever occurred to you to sleep?” Elise challenges with a touch of sass to her tone of voice.

Sleep would be delightful, but I have too much on my plate.

“It has,” I laugh, “But I don’t have enough time for that.”

“How are you not miserable right now?”

“I am,” I respond, “I just know I have to deal with it. Are we going to continue talking about my lack of sleep and terrible migraine, or are we going to sleep for a few hours?” I question, moving to my side of the bed and crawling between my sheets.

In all fairness, I am miserable. I feel like utter shit, my head is pounding, any sort of light burns my eyes, and it feels like I’m just being clobbered with a club.

“A few hours?” Elise seems surprised at my comment.

I only have a few hours to spare, nothing more, nothing less.

I nod my head, “I have work at six, so yes, a few hours.”

“Surely you’re not getting up?”

“I have to, Elle,” I sigh, “I can’t afford not to.”

In all honesty, I don’t want to get up in a few hours, I’d love nothing more than to sleep in and allow my migraine time to dwindle off, but I can’t. The world doesn’t stop because I’m unwell or for any reason. My mother’s bills still necessitate to be paid, meetings still need to take session, and my school work still needs attending. I don’t get sick days. I don’t get to sleep in. It’s nothing against Elise, but I’m not lucky enough to get to have a few additional hours of sleep as she can.

“You’re wearing yourself too thin.”

“I have to.”

“Can’t I help?”

“You have; you finished my paper for me. That’s more than enough.” I smile towards Elise, kissing her, sweetly, “Thank you for your help.” I kiss her again before stepping away and moving to my side of the bed.

It is not Elise’s responsibility to help my situations. These are my problems to deal with, and she has enough to worry about on her own. I do not wish to burden her with my issues, nor do I wish for her to have to deal with anything more than she already needs to. I don’t want to scare her away, and I don’t want to risk letting her help me and then leaving me because it is too much to handle. I can handle things on my own… I think.

❈ ❈ ❈

The drive to Elise’s parent’s house has been nothing but full of anxiety. I have no reason to be anxious, but I am. I haven’t stepped foot back in the house since the weekend I met her parents. Ever since, I have kept all meetings with the parents in public places. The gates to the private estate open, and I drive up the driveway, parking next to Elise’s car before turning my car off. I sit in the driver’s seat, taking a deep breath as I take in my surroundings. One day I will be able to afford such an extravagant house like this, but for now, I will settle with my tiny apartment and non-glamorous lifestyle.

I get out of my car and close the door. I make the short walk along the perfect cobble pathway towards the door. Everything about the estate is immaculate, from the gardens to how the Autumn door wreath sits flawlessly aligned. Although the leaves are shifting to magma-reds, hot-oranges and fever-yellows, not a single leaf is on the ground— the groundskeeper but be astonishing at his job. The barbecue-red leaves hang soundlessly on the trees, and I can't help but glance up and watch in awe, curious as to whether one will fall and wreck the pure aesthetic the Cartier’s have going on. I shake my head and chuckle to myself before walking up the steps. I stand before the double doors and adjust my shirt, making sure my collar is suitable, and my shirt is not creased. I take a breath and knock on the door.

After a few moments, the door opens, “Well, it’s about time you show up,” Conrad, Elise’s dad, comments with a grin, “I thought you were bringing the liquor?” Conrad questions as he opens the door wider and allows me to step into the house.

I shake his hand, “Hello, and no sir, I did not bring the liquor. Next time I will bring you a bottle,” I respond as we shake hands.

I was unaware that it was now customary for me to bring liquor. I shall be prepared for next time. Hopefully, this time, I will not feel as though I do not belong here or that I am not good enough for Elise. Although our last gathering at the house was far from what I had hoped, ever since that day, her parent’s and I have gotten closer and gotten along. Conrad has realised I am not here for the money, and I do not want any special treatment in the business world. I want to make it on my own with my name, not theirs.

“Elise is at the kitchen table, finishing another essay.”

“She has had quite a few to do,” I nod my head.

“While she finishes, care to have a drink with me?”

“Uh, sure,” I agree, following Conrad into the living room and standing by him as he picks up his decanter set and begins to pour a glass.

“Question for you… Would you consider working for me?”

I shake my head, “All due respect, no. You’re my girlfriend's father, and I do not want to make things awkward. I am also quite happy at Jamie’s company.”

“Damnit, Jamie got a good one. Okay, fair… Well, I would like to have lunch with you and talk business one day this week, just to get to know you more.”

“I can do Thursday?” I suggest, “I leave Thursday night to travel with Jamie.”

“I guess that will do,” Conrad nods his head, “Where are you going?”

“We are going to LA.”

“My brother and I need to talk more. I am leaving for LA next week. We could have tag-teamed clients.”

I chuckle and shrug, “That is between the two of you. Do you not worry about competing with each other for clients?”

“No, we have boundaries.” Conrad shakes his head just as Elise wanders in and welcomes me.

She kisses my cheek and beams towards her father, taking a prompt sip of my drink before asking us about our conversation, and of course, rolling her eyes at me when she is told we are discussing business.

❈ ❈ ❈

After a brief moment at Elise’s parent’s house, I was enlightened that we would be setting sail on the River Thames. I had no idea that today's adventures entailed such a journey. I was under the impression it would be a relaxing day at the house— I was mistaken. I did not anticipate spending part of the day on a yacht. I did not know Conrad owned a yacht.

I knew Elise’s family was wealthy, but I did not think they were this prosperous. Elise doesn’t show nor act that she has a very elite lifestyle. She never once mentioned that her father had a yacht. It makes me wonder what the fuck else they have that I have no clue about. After all, Elise has an investment that is almost worth a million dollars— and somehow, she is still asking me for investment help and assistance with the stock market.

“Harry,” Conrad begins as he hands me a glass of some sort of alcohol, “I believe I owe you an apology,” Elise’s Dad begins, taking me by surprise.

I look at him and nod, waiting for him to give me some sort of explanation. I am not sure what he owes me an apology on, but I am willing to listen to him. “I didn’t give you a fair chance when I first met you months ago. I thought you were hanging around for a business opportunity. I know that way of thinking was wrong. I should not have assumed.”

I don’t blame Conrad for not being open to his daughter dating someone who does not come from the same upbringing as she did. I didn’t have a gorgeous house with perfect gardens. I didn’t have the luxuries she had and still has; I grew up with everything I needed and not much more. My mother couldn’t afford luxuries, and she still can’t. One day, I do hope to give my mother the amenities she deserves. I want to be able to fix her house up the way she wants it and buy her a nice car that she doesn’t need to worry about, whether it will break down on her drive to the grocery store. I didn’t grow up anywhere near close to the same lifestyle as Elise, so I understand the judgement on Conrads end. Every father wants the best for their daughter, and I might not have much money or much to offer her materialistically, but I can give her my time and love— I personally think that is better than anything anyone could buy her. One day, I will buy Elise the things she deserves. One day I will buy her the bracelets and the necklaces, all the things women love to receive. But for now, all I can offer Elise is my devoted time and love.

I accept Conrad's apology, “Sir, I want nothing more than to give her all the great things she is used to, but for now… All I have is myself. I can’t give her expensive dinners and diamonds. I can barely get her flowers, I will be honest, but I can give her my time, effort, and love. I care for your daughter a lot… To be honest, I am in love with her,” I begin to speak sentences before thinking about them. Part of me wants to stop sounding so soft, but the other part knows that Conrad needs to know my true intentions with Elise, “I may never be able to afford a yacht like this,” I gesture to the space around us, “And I may be dirt poor, but I will never be the man my father was, and believe me, that means more to me than anything materialistic I could give her. She will never have to worry about whether I love her. She will never have to worry about where her next meal will come from or whether she will be alone… I will put her first, I will put her before myself, and I will treat her the way a lady should be treated.”

Being a man and being the complete opposite of my father is what I strive for in life, aside from being a CEO. I have learnt what a man is and what a man is not. I have learnt the difference between a deadbeat husband and a real husband. I will not be the man my father was; I will worship the ground Elise walks on, and I will do everything in my power to make sure she is taken care of in every way. Like I have said, I might not ever get to give her mansion with the most beautiful art hung on the walls she could imagine, but she will know that every time I walk through that door, that I am coming home to her. Elise knows that I am the one she can call at any hour with any problem, I will always be there for her, and I will support her in all her decisions. I am aware that we may fight and argue over stupid shit. Hell, we will even fight over things that aren’t stupid, but I wouldn’t want to fight with anyone else at the end of the day. We will have our moments where we want to strangle each other. I know the time is coming, and I know there will be times she won’t want to speak to me or times where I have fucked up, but that is the beauty of a relationship— you grow together, and you learn.

I don’t plan to give up when the going is tough. I will not leave her in the dark and call it quits because things might not get any easier for us financially. I may run from many things when it gets tough, I may bury myself in work in school when I don’t want to deal with personal issues, but I will do my best not to run from her— from us.

“You don’t speak of your father. May I ask why?”

I grow withdrawn for a moment, unsure of what to say. I have managed to avoid my father’s issue for most of the relationship with Elise, but I know at some point I will have to tell her a few things. I would much prefer to discuss how Conrad succeeded in his business to the point he owns a yacht and can sail on the River Thames with a skipper and crew. I wonder if he even bought the dock as well that he docks at. I shake my thoughts away, remembering I have been asked a question about my father. “He isn’t in my life.”

“You mentioned that,” Conrad nods.

“My father is not what I would call a man. He is just someone who is a waste of space in society.”

“That’s a bit harsh, Harry.”

I lift my shoulders into a shrug, “All due respect, but that is nothing compared to the things he has done and said to my sister and myself,” I respond, not trying to sound like a prick. I don’t like having conversations about my Father. He is not worth my time or energy. I should have just told them the has is dead. In all fairness, he is dead to me. “He was an alcoholic. I don’t like to get in detail about him.”

Conrad nods his head and respects my decision of not wanting to speak much of my father. Conrad takes a sip of his drink, and I finally do the same, allowing the whiskey to give me a sense of ease. “Elise told me that you had been the one paying to keep your mother’s house?”

I nod my head, “Yes, sir… Mum lost her job and my sister…. Well, she is going through an emotional breakdown and struggling herself,” I admit, unsure of how much detail Elise has told her parents.

“I have a lot of respect for you, Harry.”

“Why?” I curiously ask.

Conrad leans forward and places his drink down at the table, “You are helping your mother and working night and day plus doing your masters, and you have not complained once.”

“I think I have complained,” I shake my head.

“Elise has said otherwise. You’re a genuine and modest gentleman, and you seem to put others first… I respect a man who can do his best to provide and not make excuses.”

I am not sure what to say. If I didn’t go to work and do what I do, my mother and sister would be on the streets. Someone had to step up and do what needed to be done. I would never forgive myself if my mother lost her house. The house may be small in comparison to what Conrad has, but it is still a home. It is the place my sister and I grew up in. It is the place my mother worked hard to maintain to the best of her ability. “I’d do it all over again if I had to,” I shrug, not really in the mindset that this is something that I should be praised for. I don’t need praise for stepping up. I just want my family to be happy and healthy.

“You’re a good man. I see that,” Conrad nods, finally cracking a small smile, “I don’t think I would want my daughter dating anyone else.”

I stifle a laugh and shake my head, “Give it time. I am sure Elise will tell you I am an asshole.”

“We all are assholes at some point. It’s more so common with people like us.”

“People like us?”

“We are businessmen, and we are born to lead and be assertive. Sometimes that crosses over into being an asshole. Do you know how many times my wife has called me every name under the sun? Or how many times she has told me I am being a CEO and need to walk out of the house and adjust my tone before walking back in?” Conrad questions in all seriousness, and I can’t help but chuckle. I can see Elise doing the same thing in the future. “Cathleen does not take my shit, and I don’t think Elise will take it either. She will call you an asshole, and all you can do is learn where the line is drawn between CEO and boyfriend or husband.”

“Elise has already called me an asshole,” I confess, “I deserved it.”

“Half the time, we do deserve it. It’s in our nature, but again, we learn to control it. We better get back to the ladies before they think I have killed you,” Conrad stands to his feet.

I stare at him and raise a brow, “Was that your initial plan, sir?”

“No, but it will be if you call me sir one more time,” Conrad laughs, “My name is Conrad,” Elise’s Dad corrects me, not wanting me to be as formal. I nod my head and stand up, taking my drink with me before we climb the stairs, leaving the cabin area and stepping back out into the crisp air, Conrad and I parting ways and walking to opposite ends of the yacht.

I make my way around the yacht, amazed by how big the fucking thing is. I know this thing had to have cost more than I can imagine. I smile to myself when I see Elise sitting on a blanket at the yacht’s foredeck with a book in her hand. I watch her for a moment as she is clueless to the world around her, her hair is blowing in the breeze of the slow sails, and her eyes are cast on a book with no intentions of looking away. Most people would be taking pictures or drinking on their father’s yacht. Instead, she is content, reading a book on her own and paying no attention to the rest of the world.

I step closer to where she rests, “Elle,” I call her name from her behind, not wanting to startle her as I walk closer. Elise turns to look at me over her shoulder and smiles that gorgeous smiles of hers.

“I see you made it out alive,” Elise chuckles, keeping her finger in place on her book.

“I did,” I nod, “I see you have your nose in a book.”

“I do,” Elise shows me the cover of the book.

I cock my head to the side and look at the title, “Haven’t you read that before?”

Elise nods and hums her response, “And you are rereading it?” I question.

“It is a good book, Harry. Do you have something against the Great Gatsby?” Elise asks, sounding shocked, almost as if I have insulted her but asking if she is rereading it.

I am not the kind of person to read books twice. I read them the first time, watch the movie and then call it a day. I have never been interested in reading something over and over again, just for the fun of it. I know the ending. I know the plot. Why reread it?

I sit down beside her and drape my arm around her as I kiss the top of her head, “Eh, I won’t lie. I found the book boring.”

“How so?”

“It’s a story about elite society.”

“Is that what you got out of the whole book, Harry?” My response does not amuse Elise.

“No, I don’t like how the book was portrayed. Not one of the characters were good. It isn’t like To Kill a Mockingbird where the book manages to display both the good and the evil inside people.”

“It’s the writing style that makes the book so great. It’s the pros.”

“Yeah, not a literary person, love,” I shake my head, “Anyway,” I trail off, “I have to go to LA for work on Thursday,” I finally tell Elise that I have a business meeting in LA that will take most of my time next week.

“Damn it, Harry,” Elise huffs.

“What? What’s wrong?”

“Now, who is going to help me study?” Elise chuckles, causing me to roll my eyes at her.

This woman is something else, that is for sure. “Do you keep me around just to help you study?”

Elise shrugs her shoulders and closes her book, “Also for your good looks, but seriously, I need some help with my China and globalism course.”

“I assume you have a test?”

“Indeed,” Elise nods, “Can I get some help?”

“Sure, we can before I leave, or if you want, we can facetime while I am in LA to help?” I offer, unsure of when the best time will be for her to study. “China Globalism is a blast. You will love it,” I sarcastically add, very aware of the fact that Elise will hate the course. She may be knowledgeable,, but this will be the course that tests her in every way. The fucking course broke me at one point, it was a horrible experience, but it has come in handy with Jamie’s clients. However, I do not foresee this course helping Elise. She doesn’t want to get into this side of the business. She doesn’t even want to be in the business world. Elise has a true passion for English. I know she wants to do something with writing and is only pursuing business for her father.

“I already hate it,” Elise mutters, “So, you will be able to help?”

“Of course,” I agree, “I don’t know why you think I won’t help,” I kiss her cheek as she places her book down on the blanket.

Elise looks at me and pushes her hair behind her ear, “I know you’re busy; that’s why.”

“Mhm,” I hum, “I am going to have to go up to my mother’s sometime soon. Would you like to come with me?” I softly offer, not wanting to make the dreaded drive to Chesire on my own. I don’t want to go up there, but I have to. My mother deserves to see me, even if it is for a few moments.

Elise rests her head on my shoulder, “I would love to,” Elise responds cheerfully, far too cheery to be going to Cheshire. I wish I had her happy demeanour about Cheshire, but I cannot. I can’t even attempt to fake it.

My phone goes off, and I reach into my pocket and grab it. I look down at the screen and bite the inside of my cheek when I see ‘Logan’ pop up on my screen.

I don’t want to deal with him, and I thought I made it quite clear that I want nothing to do with the spawn of satan. My hatred for Logan will probably never subside, so we should have minimal contact, but for some reason, like my father, Logan is determined to cause havoc on my life in every single way possible.

I quickly read the text message, much to my bitter distaste, “Harry, I know you didn’t want to hear from me so soon, but if it’s a 999 situation. — Logan”

I place my phone back in my pocket and stare out at the water in an attempt to find my thoughts. A 999 situation with Logan can only really mean one thing. Blood. The last time it was a 999 situation, I had to swallow my hatred towards him and give him blood. I am not sure why he doesn’t just go to our father for it— but I can’t be petty and scoop to the level of declining him what I believe is primary care. I may hate him, and he may be what I consider the worst thing to happen to my life, but I can’t sit back and not help him with this. Ever since his mother passed away, I have been the one to donate blood to him when he needs it. I don’t remember our ages well, but I know that at around sixteen, his mother died, and up until that point, she was the one who would help him when his health got too poor. Now it is up to me. I could be an asshole and refuse to help him. I could tell him to fuck off and go to our father… But what kind of man would I be to deny someone essential health? What kind of man would I be if I didn’t help someone in need? Most of all, what kind of man would I be if I didn’t put my anger and resentment to the side to benefit someone else?

To answer my questions, I would be a selfish prick like my father, and I refuse to be anything like him.

I pull myself back to reality and remind myself that today was meant to be a day of not stressing about things I cannot change or fix. I cannot change the predicaments that happen. I am not in control of them. I am only in control of what I do. When I am done with Elise and her family, I will see what needs to happen with Logan and do what needs to be done.

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piracytheorist · 4 years ago

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Okay, I tried to distract myself but who am I kidding, I’m just gonna respond, many months too late, to the accusation that Trudy did a sexual favour to Gordo so that he would support her as a female astronaut.

So idk who will care but honestly sometimes I think about that specific interpretation being talked around and I’m like, okay. I’m just gonna respond with why I think that’s taking the moment completely out of context and just in an effort to present Gordo comparing women to monkeys later as “not that bad”, because well, Trudy used sex as a way to ask for a favour so she's not that good either.

So basically, in TRS 1x05, Jerrie Cobb goes to Trudy and tells her she wants to be an astronaut, plans on making an all-female group of astronauts, wants Trudy in it, and wants Trudy to ask Gordo for help in that.

Trudy goes to where Gordo is and invites him back to his room. She has started preparing a champagne as soon as Gordo enters:

Trudy: The champagne isn’t even cold yet. Gordo: Well, we’re not really champagne people anyway. Trudy: It just seemed like the thing you do.

Right after, Gordo walks to her and starts kissing her, then undressing her. They end up doing the do.

It’s only the next morning that she gives him the news; she doesn’t even ask for him to give a good word to NASA. She simply tells him Jerrie told her about her concept and that she wants to be an astronaut.

But the whole framing is there for a reason; she waits for him in his room, fully dressed, preparing a champagne. He says they’re not champagne people - signaling that this moment is one that Trudy sees as special, and not special for him. Gordo is the one who misunderstands her intentions. As I see it, the fact that she wanted to have some champagne with him shows that she intended to talk first, probably celebrate the fact that she was asked to join Jerrie Cobb’s astronaut corps, and then do whatever married couples do, idk, don’t look at me, I’m asexual.

Gordo thinks she just came there to celebrate him. She doesn't say anything more at that exact moment, so as he’s so happy to see her and has no idea of what’s on her mind, he initiates contact, and Trudy simply reciprocates. I may be asexual but just having sex with your husband after he initiates it doesn’t sound that much as a “sexual favour”. If nothing else, she says she missed him too and actually enjoys their moment for what it is. And like... it’s just consensual sex between a married couple. Even for the late fifties, that sounds like something a happy couple would do, not something that has to be analyzed and scrutinized. People do have sex without intending to ask for something in return, even when one of them has something on their mind.

Also, it's kind of moot to say that she did him a sexual favour, when she didn't ask for anything in return. All that happened the next morning was Trudy just telling him the news. We can assume that she would ask him to give in a good word to NASA, but Gordo was too busy being a man of the times for Trudy to even have the chance to take it there. Still, the champagne signals that her initial intention was to simply break the news to him; it wasn’t her fault that he was too horny to have a conversation, nor her fault that she also wanted to have consensual sex with her husband. If she would be asking a favour of him, the framing shows that it would come much later. She herself says that Jerrie Cobb’s project is only in the works. It would be weird of her to ask Gordo for support when NASA doesn’t even know what’s going on. He’s just part of NASA’s program; he has no authority to it or to NASA.

And I mean, Trudy looks sad that Gordo doesn’t support her immediately, because she knows how much he always respected her being a pilot, how he defended her worth to men who thought less of her. So even though she knows the times she lives in, she thought he would be happy with the news.

Trudy: I was hoping you’d be happy for me. Gordo: It’s just kind of surprising, I guess. You sort of sideswiped me, is all. Trudy: Well, I was excited to tell you. Gordo: (slight pause) I don’t wanna ruin a great weekend. Trudy: Me neither.

She didn’t come all this way, nor did she sleep with him, just to persuade him towards “letting” her do it - because she doesn’t care about his permission. She was genuinely hoping he’d be happy and supportive, and that they'd celebrate over the good news - hence the drink that's connected to celebration that she greets him with.

She doesn’t ask him for his permission, she doesn’t ask him to give a good word to NASA; she went to celebrate with him, he initiated contact, then they almost fought the next morning because Gordo can’t be too much of a feminist, I guess.

Anyway, that’s my two cents. There’s a bit of a lurking trend that I see among Colin’s fans, to judge the female characters Colin’s characters are paired with a little too harshly while finding any justification for the actions of Colin’s characters. And I think we can all take a few steps back and see things from a different perspective.

#trs meta

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edwardforkhands · 4 years ago

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Asking for help to become not transphobic

This is a long rant, very unorganized. Sometimes I don’t know where I’m going with it. But basically, I’ve been on terfblr in secret for the last 3 years or so, and I’ve become transphobic during that time. I want help to try and change. If anyone could point me to any articles, documentaries, studies, etc to help me get out, I would appreciate it. If you can add in your own two cents, that would be appreciated as well. I’m not sure how much I’ll respond to replies or reblogs on this post, or DMs, as I’m pretty shy and non confrontational (hence why I was on terfblr in secret). But I will read everything!

Basically I agree with a lot of things terf believe, but one thing I want is to find a way to escape the transphobic side of everything. I want to be a radical feminist minus the trans exclusionary part. I’m pretty leftist and progressive, but I hate being bigoted in this way. I almost feel like someone that’s fallen down a neo nazi rabbit hole, in the ways that I have to hide my true beliefs from friends and family. The problem is, I just can’t find a way to for my brain to make peace with a lot of principles of present-day trans activism.

I feel like the only way to make progress is to first just flat out say I’m transphobic. In many ways I’m not, but in a lot of ways I am. That way when I ask my questions, people aren’t just like “that’s really transphobic of you to ask” and shut me down. I want to be kinder, but I need to be able to say what I think. Like how you need to be able to write out your math in order to find any mistakes. But the way things are now, my math looks perfectly fine to me.

So that everyone understands where I’m coming from, here’s a summary of my beliefs:

I agree with terfs/swerfs on a lot of things. I believe there are 2 sexes, gender is a social construct that is not at all innate, women face female-specific oppression, sex work is dehumanizing, there is no such thing as a genital fetish, I think in recent years that some people are transitioning when they not “actually trans,” etc. And there are some more petty things I get annoyed at like saying “uterus owners” or “pregnant people.” I also disagree with the term swerf (though I don’t think terf/swerfs are slurs). I want to protect women and sex workers. To me, this is like calling people who are against child labor “child exclusionary human rights activists.” In my mind I’m trying to do a good thing for them. Sex work is the commodification of consent— which imo can’t be commodified.

But then on the other hand there are a lot of topics on which terfs would disagree with me. I think we should respect peoples’ pronouns, trans people should be able to use what bathroom they want, using someone’s deadname is rude, for many people medical transition is necessary, there are cases where it is appropriate for children to transition, and even if gender roles were totally nonexistent, there would still be trans people.

Here’s where I think I started to get sucked up into “terf” ideology: I think dysphoria is necessary to be trans. I think this was the “gateway drug” that made me into a terf. This stems from my belief that there are two sexes, gender is fake, and your biology is tied to being trans. My understanding of dysphoria is this: It is a state of being dissatisfied with the sex of your body, feeling like it shouldn’t be the way it is. Like how some people feel like a limb shouldn’t exist, and they want to cut it off (I can see how this analogy is a bit transphobic, I just don’t see how else to explain my understanding). Dysphoria is innate, and would exist no matter how men and women are viewed in society. If you don’t have dysphoria, then what is the point of being trans? Is it to change the gender roles you have to/don’t have to adhere to? Could that not be solved by being gnc? And wouldn’t it be more progressive to push to abolish gender? How is transitioning without dysphoria anything other than reinforcing gender roles?

I’m not trying to be bigoted, these are genuine questions and concerns I have that keep me in terf circles.

There are also just so many things my eyes have been opened to on terfblr. Why porn and sex work is harmful to women, why makeup and sexualized clothing is bad, how to read between the lines in advertising targeting women, seeing just how much woman-hate there is everywhere and how acceptable it is in society. These are beliefs I could never see myself abandoning.

Just a heads up: I use the phrase “trans positive” as an antonym to the word “transphobic” (can’t think of a better one atm).

But with the whole trans issue, that’s where I feel like I might have crawled into a hole that I want to get myself out of. I don’t like that in being a terf, many would consider me to be a hateful and bigoted person. I want to be progressive, and on the right side of history. But there are so many things that I see in modern day trans activism that just don’t make sense to me logically, and some that I view as actively harmful. Like reinforcing gender roles, or eliminating the ability to talk about sex-specific and female-specific issues. It seems every few months things that were once considered trans positive to believe are now transphobic. Most of the time, progress like this is wonderful! It’s good when realize they have racist, sexist, homophobic, etc microagressions and work towards becoming better people. That’s great! But a lot of the times the new transphobic things just don’t make sense. For example, I realized saying things like “bitch” or “cunt” casually was sexist, and it made sense. But if I were to say your sexuality is based on someone’s sex, not their gender, that’s transphobic because it implies trans women aren’t real women, or trans men aren’t real men. If they pass, society can see them as being men or women. But biologically, they aren’t. That’s why the word “trans” goes in front of their name. It just doesn’t make sense to me how it’s transphobic to have a sexuality, so having what’s basically a “gender-ality” is the only acceptable thing now. Obviously it would be rude to go around telling every trans person “actually, you’re not a REAL man/woman!” randomly. But when the context permits, like with dating or for female-specific issues, I just don’t see how it’s transphobic to acknowledge a very relevant biological reality.

Trying to say anything relating to feminist issues in a non-transphobic way feels to me like walking on eggshells to escape a maze. It would be easy to give up and just say everything’s related to gender, sex is a social construct yet somehow gender’s innate, and go with the flow but I just can’t if it doesn’t make sense to me. I know I don’t have to understand everything about everyone else’s experiences, especially if it’s not hurting other people, but I feel like in some ways trans activism nowadays is.

I just wish all this made sense to me and I could happily say I support everything trans positive. I don’t want to be transphobic. In some ways I’m not, but in so many ways I am, and I want to change. But I want things to make sense at the same time. Currently it feels like terf beliefs align with common sense, while believing a lot of principles of trans activism takes so much mental gymnastics.

Obviously if you don’t want to respond you don’t have to. It’s not your responsibility to change me— it’s my responsibility to change myself, and fix my beliefs. But if anyone is willing to listen or help, that would be appreciated. I feel like a lot of terfs start out where I did— initially trans positive, but had just one or two issues that brought them to terfblr, and they come out the other side transphobic. Hopefully helping me will help at least one other person down the line.

I feel terrible interacting with trans people, knowing I follow and listen to so many terfs. I have so many conflicting feelings and beliefs and I wish things could balance out the right way.

#tw transphobes #tw transphobia #tw transmysoginy #tw transfobia #tw trans discourse #tw transmeds #transphobia #transphobic #terfs #terfblr #op is a terf #including the tw tags so that people who don’t wanna see this don’t have to #felt good to get this off my chest holy shit #swerf #swerf mention #tw terfs #tw swerfs

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violent-things-mp3 · 4 years ago

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Leave Me Alone Murder Theory

Hello, disenchanted and disappointed children and I am here to present a Theory ™ to you.This is a bit scattered but bear (in trees) with me

Starting with the bridge, you know the line

Aristocrats, tip your hats, break your mother's heart

And immediately afterwards is the line

And when the sun comes up you'll find a brand new god

The Aristocrat, or A for short, murdered one of their mother to get the inheritance. Hence, why the tip their hat at the funeral in fake repentance but when it's morning they aren't pretending anymore. They killed their mother in the worship of the Brand New God , Money.

Mad as a hatter, with a dagger and a dollar sign

This just confirms it. A murdered their mother with a dagger and they must have been mad to do it.

Four in the morning, but we’re having such a lovely time.

The murder was committed at four in the morning. They had fun because,now, now they won’t have to wait, now everything belongs to them.

Now, for the chorus, I have a few ideas. as a refresher this is the chorus.

Now I want you to leave me alone They say the devil that you know is better than the devil that you don't Oh, you're a big shot here but nobody else knows Now I want you to leave me alone

This is where the the detective comes into the picture. The detective was hired to investigate the death of A’s mother.The detective suspects A and the chorus is them telling the detective to leave them alone.

By the devil line, A means that since they killed their mother she died seeing a familiar face. By calling the detective a big shot, they’re mocking the detective.

The second verse is pretty self explanatory.

Blind spot, take your best shot, lucky me Go fly a kite until you're tangled in the hanging tree

They’re saying that no one would suspect them of killing the mother other than detective. They are the blind spot. The second line is pretty much, your standard fuck you but fancier.

The first verse is asking them to pretend

Big shot, so what Do you wanna pretend? You took the money but the money couldn't buy a friend

They’re playing a game of pretend. A will never be caught. According to A, at least. The money couldn’t buy you a friend is a reference to the fact that A tried to bribe the detective and it didn’t work. So yeah, here’s my two cents, what do you guys think?

#leave me alone #theory #lyrics #idkhow #idkhbtfm #i dont know how but they found me #dallon weekes #Ryan Seaman #dallon james weekes #ryan eric seaman #ryan #dallon #Razzmatazz #alt #music

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caxsthetic · 5 years ago

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Haikyuu • Hamilton!AU • First Act, Chapter One

Miya Atsumu. He might be an orphan, a scum, someone that was underestimated by everyone. But one good person brought him to a new land filled with hope, and the world wouldn't be ready for him.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *. WHO LIVES WHO DIES MASTERLIST .* :☆ﾟ. ───

The blistering heat attacked whoever was unfortunate enough to be outside. People occupied themselves, creating the mixed odor of sweats and salt to be scented all around the harbour. This place was full of slaves being cartered away, drunken men walked around mindlessly just to harass them, a place that was sadly common all over the continent.

Decent parents would never allow their children to get near the harbour, knowing for certain what kind of danger that was lurking around. It was the place where even some adults would try to avoid if they didn't have to go there. Exploitation, slaughters and so many more indescribable actions.

So why would a fourteen years old boy stand proudly in the middle of it? Jotting down what's in and what's out from the ship, making sure that there were no problems at all. He was doing work that was supposed to be given to an adult, but here he is anyway, surpassing all of the workers with how smart his brain was.

His wavy hair was unruly, strands of it sticking on his forehead due to the immense heat. But he didn't care, he worked, he wrote, and put all of his effort into every single duty. He needed to do it, he needed to work hard to survive. Because he was all alone, and he knew for sure that in this world, you couldn't rely on anyone else but yourself.

═══ -ˋˏ *.·:·. 𝅘𝅥𝅮 ♫ .·:·.* ˎˊ- ═══

When he was ten, his father split full of it, debt ridden

Two years later see Alex and his mother bed-ridden half-dead

Sittin' in their own sick, the scent thick,

═══ -ˋˏ *.·:·. 𝅘𝅥𝅮 ♫ .·:·.* ˎˊ- ═══

"Atsumu..." He was just twelve, what did he do in his past life to endure such torture? "Come here, my son, come closer." Was it okay to feel scared? However, he didn't know or recognize the feelings he had internalized at the moment.

His life had always been like this. Every day, there would be some kind of obstacle that he and his mother had to endure. They clung to each other; at least they knew someone was there for them. Atsumu became so numb from how he used to be treated like a scum. His mother always taught him that he had to be tough, and he always listened to what she said.

But right now, he couldn't help but let out a tear as he realised he needed to survive everything alone.

Atsumu timidly walked towards his mother, she looked so fragile, bones protruding through her splotched skin. She worked day and night for him, he didn't even have any idea what kind of work his mother had done in order to survive this long.

She weakly lifted her hand, wishing to caress the son that she would soon be leaving. They gazed into each other's orbs, unspeakable things twirling in both of their eyes. Her palm felt so cold as it touched his skin; she erased the tears that were now cascading down his cheek, gently with her thumb.

There was nothing that he could do. They couldn't afford to go to a doctor, hence the reason why he ran around the neighbourhood in the middle of the night, asking for help. He was so relieved when some of the adults followed him, but once they knew who they needed to help, they turned their back around.

In their neighbourhood, his mother was unwelcomed. Both of them were unwelcomed. He always questioned why she still smiles and greets them, knowing for certain they talked about her behind her back.

"I am sorry, Atsumu." He didn't like it, knowing for certain it was a goodbye, "I need you to remember everything that I taught you, okay?" But he just had to suck it up, nodding as he put a blank facade once again.

She never liked the fact that her son always hid his real feelings. Yes, tears indicate weakness at that time, moreover if the one who shed it was a man. Though, Atsumu never shut his mouth, he always craved for more. More answers, more knowledge, more attention.

Somehow, he never learned how to show what he felt inside. He never wanted to show it anyway. For some people it was a blessing, because with that, people couldn't hurt him. But for people that love him, it was a curse, because they couldn't understand anything under his blank veil. "You should try to smile, Atsumu."

The little boy frowned. Of course he didn't expect his mother to say such things while she knew for sure any second that passed would be her last second on earth.

"Once again, Mother. I dislike the idea of making people know what's going on inside my heart." He blurted it out without filter, feeling certain that his mother would scold him. But he didn't expect her to chuckle.

"And yet you always run your mouth around somehow." The sentence punched him in the face, making him frown even more. Because he knew what she implied, and she was right.

There were no sweet words, not a little pat on the head, not a cent to kickstart his life when she left him, there was nothing. And as he felt the cold air strike his cheek instead of her palm, he knew he wouldn't let anyone else go to his heart.

Because at the end, everyone would leave, and the one he could rely on; was himself.

═══ -ˋˏ *.·:·. 𝅘𝅥𝅮 ♫ .·:·.* ˎˊ- ═══

There would have been nothin' left to do for someone less astute

He woulda been dead or destitute without a cent of restitution

Started workin', clerkin' for his late mother's landlord

Tradin' sugar cane and rum and all the things he can't afford

═══ -ˋˏ *.·:·. 𝅘𝅥𝅮 ♫ .·:·.* ˎˊ- ═══

"Atsumu," The boy that used to stand proudly in the middle of harbour, was now going to board one of the ships. He looked neat, as neat as he could ever be. With a worn-out bag filled with books, shoulder length hair tied up perfunctory, he faced the only man that gave him a chance.

"Kurosu, sir." Atsumu nodded his head softly, staring at the old man whom without him, he would have died from starvation, "Thank you for all the chance that you gave to me. I promise that I-"

"Hey, now..." The older man chuckled a little. He wanted to say something more but interrupted with a cough from the amount of tobacco he consumed everyday without fail. He cleared his throat before continuing, "You always talk and talk, but you don't have to tell me anything. I know that you would be a good man, son."

Son. It was so foreign, never once he felt like he had a father figure. He remembered how his first father acted towards his late mother. Scream, tears, bruises, it was something so common. Something that he wished he never had to see.

Then there was his second father, not abusive physically, but always belittled him and his mother mentally. He despised the name, but alas he was stuck with his last name that he hated so much, for sadly, his entire life.

"I can't help it, sir. You have done so much for me." The strand of his golden yellow hair blown by the wind, sending chills down to his spine, "If you didn't send my gratuitous essay to your comrades, I wouldn't be here. As a new man."

"Not yet." Kurosu smiled a little, proud to see how much the boy has grown for the last couple of years, "You are not a new man, son. Not yet." He put his hand gently on Atsumu's shoulder, patting it like he was his own son. "But once you arrived there, you could be a new man."

At his darkest time, no one believed him. So the one thing that Atsumu could do was to learn everything. Somewhere along the way, his tendencies to work hard without a break caught the attention of his boss. And from there, he was now in front of the same man who valued his life. "Ships in the harbour now, Atsumu."

He was in trance, turning his head to see the ship that would bring him to the freeland. The new land that mayhaps would change his life forever. With a little push on his back, he walked with confidence playing in his eyes.

At this moment, Miya Atsumu didn't know what could possibly happen next. He just knew that he had given a chance for a better life. And one thing he promised himself to as he boarded the ship, was that he would do a million things no other human could do.

He stood in the front side of the ship, wanting to have a clear sight over the water and the land that would be his new home. His eyes blazing with excitement, lips that was usually shown to be a thin line, now twisted into a smirk.

"So just you wait."

Hamilton Taglist:

@namyari @reogou @meepeo @kitashxnsuke @koutaroulovebot @parisaanelia @sugarspams @melanieacademy @evermorehaikyuu

Reply below if you want to get tagged💕

#miya atsumu #miya atsumu x reader #miya atsumu x y/n #miya atsumu x you #miya atsumu imagine #miya atsumu scenario #miya atsumu drabble #atsumu miya #atsumu miya x reader #atsumu imagines #atsumu miya scenario #atsumu miya imagine #haikyuu!!#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu imagine #atsumu miya angst #atsumu miya fluff #hamilton au #haikyuu hamilton au

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