#{ haha brain trauma am i right }

[paperhats-and-evil-schemes]

Hello! So I was wondering if it was ok to ask something, and please please PLEASE just ignore this if you're not in the mood to answer or anything like that, the last thing I want to do is make you feel pressured in any way about this, I was just wondering if I could ask how the writing was going..? I saw you mentioned that you've been getting a little bit done recently and was just curious about how things are going on that front, but I couldn't figure out how to word this without sounding like a peer-pressuring a**hole trying to make you write faster or something like that, so please don't take it that way, I'm just curious, but only if you're actually in the mood to talk about writing stuff! >-< I love your work a lot and you're a really nice person and I hope you're doing okay! Please totally ignore this if you don't wanna discuss fic stuff of course!

It's no prob, anon, I get what ya mean lol

Fic stuff is very slow-going right now, it's mostly just me taking notes and fixing certain details that didn't make sense in hindsight (I guess the one positive of a five-year hiatus is that I could take a refreshed look at my WIPs? haha...) Most notably of my changes so far is that I had to rearrange the chronology of my WIPs because there were some major pacing issues in the way I currently had it laid out, so now instead of the White Hat fic coming out after Bond and Happy Anniversary, that one's gonna be before Bond. (So, the next fic due to be posted, whenever that may be. Whether that's good or bad news is in the eye of the beholder, ha...) I've finished a few small scenes too, but not a whole lot to speak of.

Unfortunately I actually ended up losing a lot of notes as one of my documents got corrupted or something? I had a backup copy but it wasn't as up-to-date, so that's a bit of a bummer to lose some chunks, but what can ya do. //shrug// Most of the notes lost were on the shorter fics and not the White Hat one at least, so it wasn't really as big a loss as it coulda been, all things considered.

[thebibliosphere]

In case you were wondering how deep down the Batfam fixation hole I am, it's something I've actually been talking about in therapy a lot.

Not like, in a worried way, more just when my therapist asks me what I'm doing in my downtime, my answer always used to be either "sleeping" or "I don't have downtime. I have too much work to do."

Now my answer is "playing my Batman game" or "watching Batman show/reading comics/writing unhinged Batman x Muppet fanfic."

And my therapist is delighted. She's fucking ecstatic. She's like, "You have interests again!" and I'm like !!!! Because here's the thing.

Almost dying in 2019 kinda irrevocably fucked up my brain, like, a lot. Like a lot, a lot. And I've been grieving over that for the last few years as well as recovering from the physical aspects of it. And to cope with it, I threw myself into work even though I wasn't physically or mentally well enough, and that made everything worse, and well, if you've been here, you know.

My brain has not been kind to me for a long time. It still isn't. But I do the work. I do multiple types of therapy a week. I piece myself back together on the daily and try to remember what it means to be human and not just this numb static void that sometimes sounds like shrieking if you listen too closely.

And then randomly, a few months ago a friend bought me Gotham Knights on Steam, and it was like a light turned back on. The engine that'd been refusing to turn over for years suddenly sputtered back to life, and something in my brain went, "Hey, I remember this... this is fun?"

And then I started tentatively searching the tags here on Tumblr, and yeah, actually. I remember this. I remember enjoying this. I can dip my toes into this. This is safe. This is a childhood interest from Before the almost-dying-trauma. And besides, it won't get in the way of my work. This isn't going to consume me. Nothing consumes me like it used to. I'm too broken for that.

Except, haha, jokes on me because, for some fucking reason, Brucie fucking Wayne and his gaggle of chaotic crime-fighting children is what reached into my brain, picked up my trauma, and started shaking it loose like a category 7 earthquake.

I actually laughed about that with my therapist a few weeks ago. Of all characters, of all pieces of media, it's Batman that's helping me process a significant chunk of my emotional trauma in a healthy way.

The most emotionally constipated vigilante in superhero existence, and I'm weeping like a child every time I get an achievement in Gotham Knights, and it says some bullshit like this:

ID: a purple steam achievement icon that says: He'd Be So Proud Of You. Reach the maximum level as any member of the Batman Family. 6.3% of players have this achievement. /end ID.

(for context, Batman is dead in this game, and you are playing as his emotionally devastated children trying to keep it together. Wailing, gnashing, crying, throwing up etc, etc.)

And my therapist, who has sat with me through EMDR sessions and a multitude of other shit designed to rewire your brain, just shrugs and says, "Sometimes we need to externalize our emotions through safe media. For you, right now, that safety is Batman having a relationship with the Muppets."

And like... okay, yeah. I'll take the win on that one.

[redsaurrce]

LESSON IV

LESSON I / LESSON II

LESSON III

Synopsis : Caught up in the mess of Jungkook and his brother Taehyung, how will you come out of the mesh? When both of them have taken a liking to you in not so upright way, can you teach them a lesson?

Pairing : YandereTeacher!jungkook x bully student fem!reader, slight student!Taehyung x reader

Genre : high school au, mafia au

Word count : 3.8 K

Warnings : Y/N REVENGE ARC MUAHAHAHA, profanity, forced proximity, multiple mentions of death, gun shots, mommy and daddy issues, family trauma, mentions of betrayal

Taglist : @darkuni63 @jeonswifey @laylasbunbunny @hey-syia @pandalove03 @kooliv @radcustoms @ysk101 @mageprincess7 @hoeshii @bangtanxcoffee @acnetrone @1-in-abillion @stuffy16 @halloweeninapril @hoseokgrecns @hoseoksluv89 @143sthings @bangtans-momma @jxeon @xicanacorpse @jungkookian1997 @ttanniett @jxeonlux @xellainne

A/N : so after finally after 8 months we will witness Y/N finally standing up against jk and hell will break loose haha suffer suckers

"It's dark." The last thing you remembered was falling off the cliff and falling into the deep sea. You were convinced you were going to die or is it the afterlife?

You slowly opened your eyes and saw someone staring at you. You immediately made an attempt to get up but the man's deep voice caught you off guard, "Rest a bit more, you have broken limbs."

BROKEN WHAT!?? You gasped out loud in shock and started looking for your hands and legs. "Calm down young girl I'm kidding." He chuckled. You frowned, "Who are you.. and where am I?"

"I'm Kim Taesung. Pleased to meet you Y/N." Kim Taesung? You tried to rack your brain to recall anyone with that name. Why does it sound so familiar though? You wondered.

"I assume you are my son's close friend?" The man spoke making you even more confused - wait! was he-

He looked at your face and smiled, "Yes you connected the dots right! my son is Kim Taehyung." Your eyes widened- was he being real!?

"what!? But why did you try to kill me then!??" You asked the man. He looked like he was in his mid forties. He had a big fierce build- definitely suiting the aura of a mafia leader.

"Well you see, I was surprised to know someone else other than me and my son knew about his nickname, at first I wanted to meet you immediately but on a second note I thought - what if it was a trap? You know.. if someone was trying to lure me out by using that name? That's why I set up all that act.."

"Act?" Then again ofcourse it had to be an act or else you'd been dead by now. You wondered how you got saved though and most importantly what the hell was Jungkook doing there!?

"If you really were from an enemy gang then when everyone pointed their guns towards you, the men from that gang would have popped up to save you." He explained further.

"Then what about the gun shot? Wasn't I shot by a gun?" You frowned and tried to search for any bullet marks on your body.

"That was a false one, there was only noise of shooting .. no bullet came out of it so you weren't really shot. And yeah the noise scared you so you lost your balance and.. fell." He cleared your confusion.

"it's my turn to question you- what brings you here?" He asked you with a piercing gaze.

You gulped. "I wanted to learn investment from you.. but.. I think I achieved something even better."

His eyebrows perked up, "And that is?"

"Sir, does anyone else know that it was a trap and I'm not dead?" You asked earnestly.

"No one except me and my secretary who told you he was going to escort you to me... know about this ordeal. I don't trust my boys with the acting skills so to make all that real I had to hide this secret from them." You nodded at his words.

"Actually.. out of your men, one of them happens to be my fiancé. And i- where should I begin all of this." You licked your dry lips.

He sighed. "Take your time I'm listening."

And so you unfolded your history with Jungkook and Taehyung and how you were kicked out of the house and now this was your last straw to survive.

You happened to take a glance at his hands- they were red from fisting so tightly. Was this man angry on your behalf? You were moved.

"And that's why I came looking for you, sir. I have no plans to marry any of them and at this point I only want to survive." You said.

"No." He said firmly, "You should take your revenge. I'll accept you as my student but on one condition."

You waited with bated breath.

"Be my daughter."

---

Three years later.

Jungkook had succeeded as CEO and took the business world by storm, you were updated about his every move via his kingmaker or your now dad. There were no adoption papers to begin with but you had accepted him as your father with your whole heart a year ago.

You knew about Jungkook's achievements but what you didn't know was how he longed for you thinking you were dead. He was angry with one thing though- his marriage with Na Ji-won. How could you? He loved you so much but you tricked him into marrying another woman!??

Seeing Jungkook's marriage ceremony on television gave you immense joy. You were ecstatic to say the least.

You didn't know about your family though - not like you bothered to know about them but what you didn't know was how they reacted to your news being dead. Jungkook told them he saw with his own eyes how you fell down a cliff to your death.

Your father couldn't sleep for weeks, blinded by success and passion he failed to be a good father. Perhaps what drove you to your death wasn't the men in black but the negligence he showed towards you. He was deeply ashamed and broken hearted for losing his daughter whom he couldn't even embrace for the last time.

Your mother tried to be unaffected by this since she knew you were an illegitimate child but yet- all she felt was grief. It wasn't your fault that you were born unlucky. She cried and cried because maybe somewhere in her heart- even if she tried to deny it.. you made a place for yourself before she even realised it.

She remembered how you always praised her even for the tiniest efforts she made, you were a child after all. You wanted affection too- WHY? Why didn't she realise earlier and accept you as her own. Even though your father tried to kick you out that night, she should've stopped him.

She believed you were a clever girl so you'd survive no matter what happened. She failed to realise that you were a child after all. A child who died in the end.

Your sister, Han Yoo-in, blamed all of this on herself. She despises herself the most- she loved you so much.. she had no reason to hurt you like this. She shouldn't have said those things and she misses you every single day. Bringing the top scores in CSAT didn't give her even the slightest bit of joy.. she wanted you to congratulate her instead.

She wanted you back.

She isolated herself in her room on the day of the result and kept staring at her phone, hoping to get a call from you. But you never called.

Taehyung was devastated to say the least, he lost the one and only person he was comfortable to be around. You were gone. Forever. It was painful to accept it but he couldn't move on. He wonders though, how did you die- why did you go to New York, he had so many questions.. but all of them were now together with the dust.

"Y/N-ah!" You heard your dad call you.

Three years worth of hard work was about to come to full swing the next month and you couldn't wait to go back to Korea to officially announce yourself as one of the major shareholders of Ji-won's father's company.

And you definitely couldn't wait to make a comeback as a successful owner of Yooshin textiles, a franchise under Kim Taesung's chain of businesses. It was a test from him to prove if you were worthy to be an owner and you for sure- did not disappoint. Your mind was quick and calculative, a great asset to a business owner.

"Yes dad." You gleefully called him back. Even though he was scary and intimidating, you found him to be the sweetest man ever. Sometimes it made you wonder if he was even real because all the men you've had in your life were nothing but jerks!

Your dad gave you the result of the CSAT exam that you took this year after studying honestly with hard work beside learning all about businesses - well yeah your father played a huge part in it since he made sure you get the best tutors in the country to give you private tuition under tight security.

But in the end it was your own determination and hard work - is what he said. Well .. you believe him, as a student with poor grades who had been constantly compared with your sister the entire life, it was refreshing to see and believe that you could do it too!

"You have officially graduated high school Y/N! Congrats on your achievement." He also gave you a congratulatory bouquet. You smiled widely, "Thanks dad." You hugged him.

His heart filled with warmth and pride, he felt so good to have such a hardworking daughter. He's willing to do everything for you.

"So we're finally going to Korea next month." He smiled.

--

Jungkook was getting ready for the meeting, being the husband of Na Ji-won and son-in-law of the NaDo enterprises' owner, it was not a surprise for him to succeed the company.

Today was the day he was going to announce the merger of his company and NaDo and that's why the meeting was being held.

"I wonder if Miss K will attend the meeting this time, she's one of the biggest stock holders of your father's company." Jungkook said while Ji-won fixed his tie.

She said nothing, given how those stocks were the ones she actually gave to you without Jungkook's knowledge to get him. But that was in the past, she wanted to know herself as well.. who on earth was Miss K who had your stocks. Did you hand them over to her before you died?

No matter how much she tried racking her brains, nothing was fruitful.

"All done." She muttered. And with that Jungkook left. He wasn't a bad husband per se but the lack of affection was killing her. "It's already been three years, how long should i wait for him." Ji-won said to herself, biting her lip in agony.

--

"You're gonna do great, my dear daughter." Taesung hugged one last time before you were ready to step inside the meeting hall.

"Thanks, dad!" You smiled and broke the hug.

With confidence stirring inside you, the massive doors opened and you took your steps inside the hall. All the murmurs and chatters were now dead silent at your entrance. You were in a blazer and suit all buttoned up like a classic rich businesswoman.

Everyone started to continue chattering about who you were but the most surprised of them all was .. Jungkook.

"Y/N?" His eyes were ready to pop out of their sockets.

The entire hall was silent yet again on Jungkook's abrupt outburst.

"Is that really you? Han Y/N?" You turned towards him. You loved his expression so much that you wanted someone to take a pic of him and give it to you as a laminated photograph.

Just then a voice boomed throughout the entire hallway, "Welcome everyone.. it looks like our anonymous stock holder has finally decided to show up. Welcome Miss Kim Y/N." The man greeted and everyone started clapping for you.

"K-Kim??" Jungkook contorted his eyebrows.

You stood up, "Thankyou for the warm welcome everyone. I'm Kim Y/N. Pleasure to meet you all." You smiled boldly.

Jungkook couldn't believe his eyes at all, first of all you were alive?? Why did he never get to know this?? And what's with the surname? Kim!??

One of them spoke, "But.. weren't you the younger daughter of Han Pilwon? Or am I remembering you wrong?"

You smiled a bit, "That's right uncle, you've seen me every time you had dinner at the Han's house. I.. actually I am no longer a part of the Han family. I have a different father now." You said proudly.

"Different father?" Jungkook was surprised.

"Yes. Now.. shall we start with the meeting?" You said, your gaze going back to the owner of NaDo.

As the meeting commenced, Jungkook just couldn't stop fidgeting, as if all of this was just a dream. He couldn't believe his eyes.

You were alive, sitting in front of him.

Then why did Taesung's secretary tell everyone that you couldn't survive the fall? Was it all a scheme? No matter what, he couldn't understand your comeback at all.

After the meeting was over, you were going back to your father but just then someone grabbed your wrist and pulled you aside.

Your eyes went wide, not that you didn't expect him.. it just caught you off guard.

He quickly took you in his embrace tightly, you tried to fight away from his grip but he kept on squeezing. "I'm afraid once I let you go, you'll disappear again. I missed you Y/N. I missed you so so much." He muttered through your hair.

You felt disgusted, "Let me go Jungkook. We're not engaged anymore, you have a wife now- You have no reason to miss me."

He snapped his head back to face you, enraged he said, "Really? And why did I have to go through the marriage in the first place? Did you already forget Y/N?? You tricked me." His voice cracked.

You scoff, "Do you even realise what you're saying? Yes- yes I did trick you but you had all the means to nullify the marriage as well. You could've said you were forced or whatever I don't know. You saw I was dead and NaDo was a good deal so you went ahead with the marriage. And I don't even blame you for it so stop with your fucking crap and get lost!" You said with eyes literally blazing up.

He looked at you with a pause as his eyes began to darken, "You are coming back with me." He emphasized each and every word.

You seriously wanted to hit this man, "Or else? You can't do anything to me anymore Jungkook. I'm not the same Han Y/N you remember, the one who only knew to cause troubles or the one who'd swallow up every shit you threw at her. I'm not her anymore. I'm Kim Y/N, you can't mess with me Jeon Jungkook. So fuck off!"

"Hah!" He poked his cheek with his tongue, "Ah that reminds me, what's with you being a Kim now? Changed families huh? I don't care, I don't care about anything else.. you'll be Jeon Y/N in the end anyway.. so none of this matters anymore." He laughed, insanity oozing.

"Are you sick in the head? What makes you think I'll come back to you? This is my last warning Jungkook. Leave or else you'll pay the price." You were trying your best to push him away.

But he didn't budge an inch, if anything he pinned you against the wall and his hands started snaking around your waist.

Your breath hitched.

"Yes, I have lost my mind. After years of yearning for you.. not being able to come in terms with your death, I've tormented myself to the point I've become insane. Now that you really are back, I won't let you go. You leave me with no choice Y/N." He leaned closer, "I still have the video recordings with me."

You felt your stomach drop.

"Come with me or I'll upload that on NaDo's forum." He said with an evil grin.

You started laughing.

You were.. laughing?

You started to laugh even more hysterically. "Don't tell me I didn't warn you. GAURDS!" You screamed and at once men in black attire surrounded you both.

Jungkook was caught in surprise because he was too familiar with this uniform.. but what surprised him even more was the man that walked towards him like a towering beast in a cape.

"B-boss?" Jungkook let go of you. "What brings you here?"

"You dog!" Taesung grabbed Jungkook's chin and threw him on the ground like he was a toy.

"How dare you harass my daughter!?" He growled.

"d-daughter?" He looked in confusion.

Kim Y/N- Kim Taesung!? He connected the dots.

Taesung wasted no more breath and ordered his men to drag him away.

"Ugh leave me! Leave me you assholes!" He kept shouting but the strong men dragged him away.

"We'll beat him to a pulp until he confesses and deletes the footages and make sure he never bothers you again." He assured you.

His words felt like breathing again.

It was so scary, all of this was so scary.

You hugged him at once and finally broke down in his embrace. Your muffled cries broke him. He was waiting for this day ever since you had told him about your estranged relationship with Jungkook.

He will make sure Jungkook will never even dare to look in your direction. After all.. what Jungkook is today is thanks to Taesung's genius mind and cooperation.

"Dad?" You heard a familiar voice from your father's back. Both of you turned towards the source of the voice and saw Taehyung standing at a distance.

But as soon as he saw you, his mind went blank. "Y/N?? Am i dreaming!?"

You screamed, "Taehyung I brought your dad back!" You gave a toothy smile.

"Son!" Taesung called out to him, his voice filled with warmth. Taehyung's attention shifted to his dad; he- at once ran to his dad and jumped into a tight hug. "I missed you so much dad. I missed you." He started to cry.

"I missed you too son." He said longingly.

You thought to give them some space for reunion but just then your dad called out to you, "Y/N come here. Taehyung i know you are already close with her, she's your sister from now on."

Taehyung physically stumbled back in surprise, "WHAT!?"

"But f-first all of all you were alive!??" He broke his hug with his dad and hugged you too. "Were in New York all this while, Y/N? You should have told me atleast that you were alive. Ugh you know how much I missed you!??? But wait- what's up with dad calling you my sister!?" He was so surprised that he started stuttering at the end.

You sheepishly smiled. "Well... It just happened to be that way."

Taehyung gulped and kept looking at both of you back and forth, "What in the world?? None of you have any matching features??"

Taesung lightly smacked his son's head, "idiot! I adopted her."

"oh .. how come you never told me you adopted her .. you could have told me through the books you know?" He pouted in betrayal.

"well we had to keep all of this absolutely a secret, please understand my intentions son." He pleaded.

"Then make me understand." He sulked. It was annoying enough that his dad adopted another child behind his back.. but out of all people.. it had to be you?? The one he had a crush on!? How humiliating! Guess he needs to let go of his crush now.

he sighed.

"Cheer up lad, come I'll tell you everything." You grinned at his remark and started walking away but just then you saw a few people run towards you and stopped at a distance.

"Yoo-in? Mother?.. father?" You felt a lump in your throat as soon as you saw them.

"My child! You're alive!!" Your mother ran towards you and hugged you at once. "How are you dear? where were you all this while?"

You saw her eyes well up, you were flabbergasted, you were on the verge of tears too. Why now? "Why do you wanna know? You didn't care where I'd be sleeping that day when you kicked me out of your house.. why do you wanna know where was I? Weren't you happy when you got the news of my demise? Wasn't that what you've always wanted?" You gulped so hard.

"Y/N! I-I never thought any of that! I-" Her breathing started pacing faster, "Im sorry Y/N, I'm so sorry. I'm so ... sorry." She fell down on her knees crying, the sight was heartbreaking but this was the same woman who showed you no affection at all in your entire life. "Your sorry .. it means nothing to me now." You said, your heart aching over and over again.

Your mother was a mess. Your father said nothing and stood there with head held low.

"Han Y/N we're really sorry .. please don't do this my sister, come back to us.. please." Your sister pleaded.

"I won't. Thankyou for making my life as a Han bearable innie- I mean- Han Yoo-in but I'm not a Han anymore. You're not my family so I have no reason to come back to you." You said, tears continuously dropping to the ground just like the day when you were shut down by her.

"What do you mean-" "Dear daughter let's go!" Taesung came and held your hand.

"Who are you??" Pilwon, your father's voice echoed.

"Me? I'm a father who actually cares for his children. Nice to meet you, I'm Kim Taesung, Kim Y/N's dad." He said with an intimidating aura.

"Shut the trap, she's my daughter!" He spoke enraged.

"Tch, but your daughter doesn't want you as her father. You were never there for her anyways, what gives you the right to call her your daughter huh?" He said as if a lawyer was defending his client.

"Dad." Both of them looked at you; you chuckled, "I mean my dad, let's go.. I don't want to see them anymore."

"Sure thing sweetheart."

That said you left them behind, your past traumas and the bad memories.. all of them.

As you walked away, you felt like beginning afresh. Hope all this was a good lesson to everyone who once broke you.

You were heading towards a new chapter of your life. What will be the lesson this time?

----------------

AAAAAAAAAA LESSON HAS OFFICIALLY COME TO AN END OMG ITS BEEN A FOOKING YEAR THANKYOU SO MUCH LOVES FOR STICKING THROUGH THIS WITH ME IM JUST 😭😭😭😭😭😭💖💖💖💖💖💖💖 Please drop by your thoughts on this, have a great week x

[findafight]

On the one-sided harringrove post- I feel it becomes infinitely funnier with bi steve. He likes men, just not Billy. Never Billy.

Oh yeah. When Billy fiiiirst comes to school with his music blaring Steve is head over heels for Nancy, so he might register that the guy with the Camaro and loud music has a good ass, but then billy opens his mouth and Steve is like "oh, no ass can make up for that personality." And continues with his life.

Just. Okay I like to project just a liiiiittle on Steve with him just. Not realizing his attraction to men isn't a straight thing. Like. Of course all straight people feel that way, you just kinda ignore it or don't do anything about it. So Steve is half way between being comfortable in his sexuality and being closeted to himself because buddy used Hawkeye Pierce as the blueprint of straightness.

So Billy is out here, wallowing in self hatred and internalized homophobia, hating Steve and wanting Steve and hating that he wants Steve and wishing Steve would pay attention to him enough for a hate fuck he can cry about later, and it's all very angsty. All the while Steve is just actually completely fine with thinking a dude is hot he's just got standards that include "not racist" "doesn't try to beat up kids" "hasn't made me blackout from head trauma"

Wait. Oh no. I feel an au coming on. Shit. Au where post S2 Robin hears piano coming from the band room after hours and is her curious self going "I must see who is this mysterious genius" and it's Steve. They get to talking and hanging out and all of a sudden Robin thinks they are actually good friends. Best friends. Somehow.

Cue them going to a band party together. Someone spikes their drinks with waayyyy more than they were expecting so they are blasted. Robin has to go pee but does not want to go alone so she drags Steve into the bathroom with her and makes him face away. He's like haha Woah you really had to pee. And she goes shut upppp and washes her hands but sits across from him. Steve smiles at her and gives her his speech about how amazing she is and how glad he is to be her friend (it is like March '85 so he is still not ready to get back out into dating yet). Robin tells him about Tammy. They sing. Someone slams the door open and kicks them out of the bathroom because there's a fuckin line.

They lay on the grass outside and look at the sky. Steve like. Caaaaasually mentions once having thought he was gonna marry Tommy when he was six and then realizing you just didn't do anything about those feelings and Robin's gotta shoot up going WHAT!! WHAAAT? Because it sounded like Steve coming out to her? Right after?? She came out to him??

And Steve is like yeah. Like you don't really have to? Easier to ignore it and flirt with girls who I like or think are hot. And poor Robin's brain is melting she's like please Steve I'm really drunk are you telling me you sometimes want to kiss boys? And he's like yes, obviously, everyone does. Just like everyone also wants to sometimes kiss girls. Except lesbians I guess who only want to kiss girls? And gay guys only want to kiss guy? Yeah that makes sense and straight people don't care but go for the opposite ya know?

Robin is like NO!! And calms down some and says "okay I'm telling you this because you are my friend and you just told me almost the same thing. Steve. I like girls and only like girls. That not a straight thing"

"yeah. You've said."

"but I am ninety nine percent positive that just because you like girls doesn't mean you're straight because you also like boys."

"what"

"yeah dude, I do not think this is a heterosexual experience you're describing. I'm not an expert but. Yeah.

"oh. Huh."

"yep."

"I definitely thought it was."

"your brain is so weird I'm still kind of obsessed with you."

"haha. Honestly I'm kind of obsessed with you. This is wild."

"well. At least I know you're stuck with me."

"ohhh nooooo whatever will I do with my best friend always around..."

ANYWAYS THE ACTUAL POINT OF THIS is not in fact the stobin. It's actually that

Sometime probably in may, when Steve is ready to be on the dating scene again, he gets with Eddie. Robin is happy for him but also so mad because he went from "probably shouldn't act gay even tho everyone feels a little gay sometimes" to "hey Robin what would you say if I said I got a boyfriend?" In less than two months. How does he have straight AND gay game. That's not fair.

Steddie getting together is a non event. Eddie is still like ewww sports and yet somehow he made out with Steve Harrington and the next day Steve asked if he wanted to get milkshakes and throw rocks into the quarry to see the splashes. Eddie must restrain himself from thinking it's a date because he knows it's not but it'd also be the perfect date (Eddie is a simple man)

At the end of the night steve kissed his cheek and says "I had a really great time..."

Eddie just blurted "hey do you want to be my boyfriend?"

To which Steve perks up like "yes! I'd like that!"

And Eddie didn't actually think he'd get that far so he was like "neat!! See you tomorrow!" before slamming the door in Steve's face.

So they're dating and Eddie disparages sports but Steve is like haha aw you don't like watching me play? Which is sooo mean to Eddie because obviously?? He likes?? Watching his boyfriend??? Run around in tiny shorts and sometimes shirtless?? He has to reevaluate some things he supposes.

All while this is happening Billy is still on his Greatest Homoerotic Rivals shtick with Steve. Eddie notices and is like to dude...what is with Billy? And Steve just sighs. Says Billy is weird and obsessed with him and glares all the time. It's a whole thing. Billy is pissed because what is Steve, his epic rival, doing hanging around some random band geek, his sister's bitchass friends, and maybe the local dealer.

Alright. Grad happens. Yay Steve! Poor Eddie. They go to some party , hang out with people, sell some drugs, etc. Billy is unfortunately also at this party, and is like. Lazer eyes boring into Steve's back. Very annoying. At some point, he sees Steve slip away and is like this is my chance so he follows him.

Howmever he comes across Steve, his epic and totally heterosexual rival, making out with Eddie the freak Munson.

And listen this is a scary thing to be caught inna town like Hawkins, but that's not the point of this post.

So Billy goes "what the hell?"

They turn around. Billy is still spluttering.

"what are you-why would you-- with him?!" He says.

Steve raises his eyebrows, alllll cocky confidence. He smirks a bit. Drawls. "Well, yeah. I like cock, billy. Just not yours."

Because the point of this post is that Steve is a bitch.

Thank you.

[independent-fics]

Inde watches “The Tower Job”

Leverage Redemption 1x04

The description warns about recent events affecting the viewers and if I remember correctly when redemption first aired it was right around the Miami(?) apartment collapse. Dang. 

Listen let Harry take initiative on this one okay.

“So she thinks she has taste” I love you Breanna

I love Parker dropping in more

And Breanna just being like I can just have the plans? She wants to steal so bad

Ahhhhh I love Eliot and Parker standing so close. And the klingon I can’t those nerds and the smile Parker has hehehe now Eliot’s grumpy again and she loves it

10 million hurts my brain too Breanna

Eliot’s head shake at her French hahaha I love them

Why is the wife and driver giving affair

“Because my American accent is better than yours” honestly I wanna explore Parker’s language mannerisms (? Idk if that’s the word I’m looking for)

Harry I love your enthusiasm. There isn’t rules just guidelines haha

Also Sophie’s fit is so nice

Parker I too am uncomfortable in business clothes

Idk which pair is having more fun Harry and Sophie being annoying or Eliot and Breanna destroying things

Off brand European tranquilizers goodness gracious

Nooooo Harry not you being in on the first lawsuit

“Your screwups make me look good” once again Breanna I love you

“The man’s trying to make amends I respect that” ugh Eliot my heart

Parker once again on the ceiling I love you. Reminded of Hardison always finding her places with rafters

Oooo Eliot love you suggesting the play of the con

Love Breanna and Harry being newbies supporting each other

The way I screamed with Breanna’s character

I love them all supporting Breanna’s art and then just Eliot’s “WHERE.” I LOVE THEM

Mrs Crawlys “I did a year at college of art” is like my “I did a study abroad” 😭 I’m sorry but I get her

Love Harry and contract law hehehe

“We never say no to parties” I love her and how foreboding that sounded and now I’m thinking about every other party the original leverage team invaded hehehe

Oh goodness not Parker knocking Breanna out hahaha but love Eliot helping her up. I’m only four episodes in but I’m desperate for new team old team bonding

Harry and Parker begging for the safe I love them

Eliot absolutely hating the kissing up he just had to do hahah I love him

THERE IS AN AFFAIR

Not Eliot’s lack of tipping annoyance reminded hahaha

Okay I am loving learning more about Harry and the changes he’s making. I get the doing your job and doing it well because who doesn’t want to do that but then realizing it’s not something that you want to be doing.

“We’re not heroes. We’re just necessary”

“ Sophie Parker Hardison and Nathan ford showed me there was another way” ugh Eliot my beloved but HA PARKER IN THE BOX

Wait I love Parker’s fit

Lil Bucky hehehe

“Wow Harry was a good bad guy” yeah Breanna he was I might be taking notes because I gotta retire one day

“I’ll go find some chopsticks” girl

I am also taking notes from Breanna dang

HARRY KEEP IT TOGETHER

“And you’re not graded on a curve Mrs Casey” dang

Oh gosh nvm as someone who also sometimes experiences vertigo get that remote away from me

I love Sophie narrating this whole thing as a show

Breanna putting on the headphones with that evil smile I love haha

BREANNA YES I TOO AM A CHEERLEADER WHEN ELIOT FIGHTS I love her enthusiasm so much and narrating. Eliot don’t deny it you’re flipping the sticks to show off

As much as I love leverage they do have a couple of iffy episodes where they really cause some trauma like wow I’m rooting for Harry rn

That chute thing would terrify me but I love that Parker is loving it

Love them buying the tower

Gosh the change in Harry from being in the first lawsuit to protecting the victims in the next

“It’s not every day someone gets a little piece of their soul back” ugh this was good

[chroniclyillpolybat]

I think lately I been so upset with myself and I'm not sure how to go about it. I'm so angry that I spent 10 years basicly asleep I'm still not sure what it was, I was there but not myself I wanted to sleep all the time I had no ambition I was in such a victim mentality and still greaiving so many things in 2012 that I basicly went numb. Maybe one day I'll talk about all that. But anyways last year I finally woke up started really working on myself. Working and enjoying life even tho it was not easy dealing with a lot of trauma and past to start healing and being better for my partners and family. Finally I was getting into things and my body starts giving out. I feel like I never learn my lesson I feel like this is my inherited victim mentality taught to me that I'm trying to break. But also I do need to go through the stages of grief when it comes to my chronic illness. And right now I am a little just mad at myself. I feel like the only way I learn things is if I do it the hard way. My mental health I had to almost break to get better. My relationship I had to almost destroy it to understand. And now my body is like haha your gonna be sick so you can understand what you took for granted. Honestly I feel this post is more of a brain dump that I probably will come back to stories if anyone is even interested or I need to work things out in writing.

I feel lately like I'm holding on by a thread. Trying to keep my sanity together. New things in my health pop up I never have any idea if it's a emergency or just a new thing I get to live with. I was feeling panicky and getting into feeling paranoia and feeling like I'm in a dream and I have no idea why and find out I have hogh blood pressure now. Once they got meds in me after 2 days of feeling on the verge of a panic attack I finally feel me. I feel like I can think rationally again. I feel like there is always something new and I'm so suck of it. I feel crazy and just wanna give up. I wish I could ignore it and go away.

[ipatrichor]

dead boy detectives episode four thoughts

hey remember last post where i said last episode gave me everything I wanted. HOW ARE WE FEELING NOW BOYS. WE GOT THE BREAKDOWN!!! THAT MAN HAD AN EMOTIONAL OUTBURST AND COLLAPSED WE LOVE TO SEE IT!!!!!!

okay so i was wrong and charles' dad did not kill him. that's fine tbh I like this a lot, that he was essentially accidentally killed by his friends bc he stood up to them when they were bullying someone (? i think that's what the scene was implying. idk i was really excited about seeing him have a mental breakdown i might have missed something 😭). not to say that what they were doing was an accident, i just don't think they were trying to kill him i think they took the bullying too far and then maybe panicked when he died and covered it up, and that's why his death is unsolved? anyway very interesting! they truly do not miss with charles everything we've gotten from him is so great it makes me even more excited for edwin backstory haha

GOD CHARLES' BREAKDOWN.... that is everything i've ever wanted from a character repressing their emotions do u understand that. he got slammed into some of his worst memories, the most painful and traumatic moments of his life, and then with all those emotions back on the surface he went apeshit!!! i Love him getting aggressive to protect his friends (because that's really what he does, isn't it. he's the brains, i'm the brawn. god.) and then breaking down crying because he can't keep pretending like things are fine anymore, there's too much all at once for him to shrug it off. PHENOMENAL stellar acting stellar writing i love all of this i am eating it like soup!!!

and just. the things he was saying, about how he has to keep being positive he has to keep it together because if he doesn't who will? who else have they got to keep spirits up and stop the group from self-destructing? god it's. so good. i am not going to elaborate on some of that striking a nerve but. god. they gave me everything i wanted to see i love it so much!!! that is everything i hoped for from this story beat you understand!!!!

i wonder if maybe jenny is going to get an episode? or like a b-plot focused on her, something like that. the love letters seem like a plot thread that's going to be pulled on later, it just doesn't seem like this show to establish a mystery and then have it only be a background detail. we'll see tho ^^ i love jenny, i'd love to see more of her she's so fun. reminds me of a friend of mine tbh so i am biased, but also i deeply appreciate a woman with knives on a societal and also personal level 👍

okay can i just say. the night nurse (thank u noble for telling me her name <3) is kind of an asshole right. like i don't think she's evil she's doing a very necessary job, but it's actually delightful how ruthless she is about it. oh these two souls are refusing to move on? throw them into their worst traumas and the most painful moments of their lives to convince them there's nothing worth staying on earth for. sure, it's cruel, but who cares? it's efficient, and that's what matters. these are just children acting out to her, who don't understand the importance of what she does to keep everything in order. i love ruthless characters, and she's done so well she's so fun to watch

also. i do not think this is the last we've seen of her. like yeah she got fed to a sea monster but also she's literally from the afterlife and can travel back to earth wherever as long as she gets the permits. so. i think they bought some time, but that won't last long and they're still stuck in the town so i think she's far from done with them, and we'll see her again probably sooner rather than later (especially since she knows where they're staying)

crystal. my girl. beloved. PLEASE stop almost dying every episode it's bad for my blood pressure. you don't understand you're a living person which means they can kill you while still having you as a character on the show by making you become a ghost. you and niko don't have that safety net Please be more careful 😭

we got some really interesting lilith lore this episode, and it's got me thinking. a goddess of blood and wronged women... what about esther? she's been kidnapping and killing little girls, is that not wronging them? has it just not caught up to her yet because she's been making sacrifices, and if so what happens now that the squad has stopped her from kidnapping more kids? is she on some kind of time limit? this is So interesting I am deeply intrigued by the possibilities here...

the cat king was... there. okay i will admit the scene where he shapeshifted into monty and then charles was interesting. the implications are Fascinating, especially the order- he shifts into monty first and only briefly, but it doesn't seem to affect edwin until he shifts into charles. and then, edwin seems almost entranced until the yellow eyes show through which is. there are certainly implications! idk if it means anything besides instinctively trusting charles more bc they've known each other longer or something like that- especially considering this is netflix we're talking about, but then again the show got cancelled so maybe things did get gay! they've also set up edwin possibly having a crush on monty, or at least being unsure how he feels about him so. no idea but i am Keeping An Eye On That 👀

also. him saying he's never really been interested in/seen the appeal of kissing but now isn't sure whether it's something he wants... clutching grayro/demiro edwin to my chest. this is mine now he's one of us 👍

speaking of edwin, his moment there with niko at the end was really sweet. they're watching scooby doo together 😭 it's the perfect blend of their interests bc it's a detective cartoon.... their friendship is so cute holy shit. the simplicity and genuineness of their dynamic is so sweet, how edwin praises niko's detective work (telling her she's good at something very important to him!) and niko offers a listening ear without judgement as he works through what looks like it's shaping up to be a sexuality crisis. they mean so much to me... they're friends your honor!!!!

oh also charles and crystal kissed. idk man i don't have many thoughts on that. good for them 👍 I think the framing was sweet, in that the show sets up the kiss as the 'something real' crystal wants, but i will admit that part of me is disappointed because i wanted crystal and niko to get together. idk i thought they balanced each other out well, with crystal being subtle where niko is blunt and niko having hope where crystal is cynical, but. that's fine. i wasn't super invested. it's fine. no lesbians for me i guess... sad! oh well

all silliness aside, this episode was yet another Banger they simply do not miss!! the lighthouse ghost was such a fun character, and i love niko's kindness shining through again as she offers edwin red sea glass for courage and the walrus man green sea glass for emotional stability after telling him how she found the washerwoman. niko sasaki the woman that you are.... anyway i'm starting the next episode and then afterwards we'll see how i feel i might need to break for dinner lol

[raynavan]

it is finally here!! the winners of the @ultimate-submas-tournament first round!! this is. verrry long as I have a bit of (lighthearted!!) commentary on the winners. said commentary is not meant to be offensive, but i just poke fun at the Au's in the running. of course- i highly suggest checking some of them out! all the polls (and therefore the au's in that poll) are linked in the first word of the message beow it. and with that, doodles under the cut.

the Ingo Bracket!

behold the subway boss Ingo! taking down statues! ah... but aren't gargoyles supposed to ward off evil spirits..?

eh, im sure it fine! nothing quite like an never ending cycle ammirite?

dad instincts activated. it was super effective (thank goodness another ghost was there, its pretty hard to punch them) ((though ah... perhaps a bad idea to beat up your dead self..?))

The Actual hero of courage!! purging the land of all poison! even his alternate's poison!!

man actively bleeding out beats up fox man, more at 11.

T-posing (the "T" stands for table) ((joke was made by @/thesilverinfinity thank you!!))

fire beats electricity!! villains for the win!!!

a... fae. a fairy type. destroyed by a... prince that commands (used to command) a dragon... perhaps there is a reason fae Ingo hides in the human world...

who was going to tell him that LTOT ingo isn't even a pokemon technically

bro respawn already you leaks are leaking everywhere- at least the Woodsman can continue his never ending task of gathering oil!

oh right... kid kinda... had the favor of a few gods... good luck ingo!

oh uh... i suppose even lord zoroark isn't immune to pets... (hope warden Akari doesn't find out-)

ooh... probably should have checked you type advantages buddy... at least wormgo knows we all love him even if he's a worm <3

The Emmet Bracket!

the power of sweaters

one might be the eye avatar after looking for answers, the true detective turned out on top!

tfw your just a train conductor in the far past with trauma (and brain trauma) and you get beaten up by another you that is friends with a god.

GET 'EM WITH THE LASER EYES (that you definitely have) (hope grovyle doesn't find you)

beach vacation in the past beats present Unova any day. (unless the Pelipper are looking for a snack)

jellyfish stings!! not even Gift's wonderful cosplay of his bother as enough to avoid the beast's wrath... no respect for cosplayers these days...

even though normally Ingo is the one to deal with unruly passengers, it easy to forget that robot Emmet has tasers for hands... o7 host emmet.

mans under the effects of CST (Chad stasis Twin effect) he is currently unbeatable.

wow the plushy has some power! uh... what do you have there Emmie..? why are you... looking at me like that...

air tight suites will not protect you from toons. take note. (though im sure he'd be pretty helpful with those hoards of monsters!)

congratulations! don't worry about the blurry Emmet, im sure he wasn't protecting anyone or anything, haha!

good job Emmet! you beat someone in a hospital bed! /lh

that's the last of it (no i am Not doing bracket 13 i Cannot draw them all differently hgeirpohgnolp) wonderful job everyone! i definitely heard of some new Au's that i have greatly enjoyed! im verrry excited to see where this competition continues!

bravo to everyone moving on to the next round, and for all those who didn't, thank you for sharing your Aus!! here's to another fun round, and also to the amazing aus and stories everyone here has created!!

SUPER BRAVO!!

[findingmypeace]

Right now I have the time to either get ahead for the week on work things OR spend time on tumblr. Haha, and here I am. I have so much I want to say so I'm going to break it into multiple posts

I got the results of the brain mapping. It was hard for me to understand so she labeled the categories and made several charts to help me. To simplify it as much as possible there was a strong indication towards ADHD, dyslexia, and autism. The strongest indications were for insomnia and anxiety. Depression was one of the lowest. In a different analysis, it showed that I can be "inattentive and deep in thought" while my brain is also "hyper aware, on guard, tense, and anxious"

Omfg, this explains so much! That contrast between being deep in thought and hyper aware is exactly how I feel. It's being pulled in two directions and trying to function like everyone else. This is most likely the ADHD. I've ALWAYS suspected I might have this but I didn't thinking people would believe me.

I'm also wondering how much of what I think is depression is actually about dealing with trauma, a lot of anxiety, trying to keep up with the rest of the world, and doing this while my brain is being pulled in different directions.

Add in the dyslexia and autism. Same thing. Will people believe me? I've thought about the autism for a long time. There are so many signs that RY even said to me "I wonder if you have autism". And the dyslexia make so much sense. She mentioned it's not just about letters. For me, it probably shows up as dyscalculia. And (random thought) now I'm wondering if all of the above leads to me skipping words when I type (my mind is moving too fast) or adding in extra words here and there.

On top of all of this, I am going through all of my belongings and "purging" aka going through all of my belongings, organizing things, and throwing out/donating things I don't need. While doing this I am came across a genetic test I did in 2015 that shows the different ways my brain will react to certain medications. My current psychiatrist has not seen this yet but he has done a good job of following these recommendations anyway. However, the report showed I am very susceptible to weight gain while taking antipsychotics. I know antipsychotics have a well know side-effect of weight gain. This is just saying I am more likely to have this as a side-effect. AND there are very few categories of medication that will have a strong influence on my brain. I remember taking this and now I'm remembering these results.

I will be taking both reports and showing my psychiatrist. He had asked me about the genesight test result a long time ago but I had no clue where I kept the them or if I even had it anymore. It looks like I do! I really, really hope all this information can lead to more effective treatment for me.

[just-a-carrot]

I think you mentioned once that all the themes for our wonderland kinda came to you as the story progressed and it’s like??? DUDE??? THAT IS SO IMPRESSIVE considering this game had not only me but my FRIEND in tears by the end of it because of how important the things told in this story were to us and how closely to home they hit for us. I was a wet BABY after orlam’s chapter because he reminds me so much of myself and we have a very similar past and trauma, like I felt so fucking SEEN in that chapter and every time it would touch on his backstory and his anger and resentment towards being abused by the people who he was /stuck with/ who were /supposed to be his friends/.

like bro called me out in ways I didn’t know were POSSIBLE and you’re just gonna sit here and tell me that you were like “haha maybe I’ll add this in :)” CARROT DO YOU REALIZE THAT YOU ARE AN ACTUAL FUCKING WIZARD AND NEED TO BE STUDIED.

YOU MAKE ONE OF THE BEST GAMES I HAVE EVER PLAYED WITH CHARACTERS THAT FEEL LIKE HUMAN BEINGS AND GIVE ME THE IMMEDIATE URGE TO GIVE YOU THE ENTIRE CONTENTS OF MY BANK ACCOUNT AS SOON AS I FINISHED THE GAME AND YOU HAVE THE GALL TO SLAP A “FREE GAME” PRICE ON IT AND SAY “haha I just like making games I don’t need to make money off of it :)” CARROT I AM SHAKING YOU SO HARD RN. CARROT MY MIND IS SPINNING HOW CAN YOU BE THIS NICE AND GENEROUS?????????? /lh

I actually seethe about once a day knowing that I can’t give you any of my hard-earned cash for like merch or the game, period. Carrot playing this game for free is like receiving a free winning lottery ticket on the STREET like I didn’t even DO ANYTHING and you’re just gonna give me something that CHANGED MY LIFE DRASTICALLY and PERMANENTLY ALTERED MY BRAIN CHEMISTRY???????????????????? carrot I’m frothing at the mouth rn. carrot I’m insane. I fucking love this game so much bro you are a gift bro

yes....I would say many key parts of the overall story didn't really form until I was actively working on it. many of the arcs were just kinda skeletons where I knew essentially what I wanted to happen but with not much filled in, and then everything would just start flooding my brain once I reached it to start figuring out all the pieces and come up with new ideas and scenes along the way

I could not tell you how I was able to bring some of it together so well I honestly surprised myself at times lol...

I guess maybe because I had the core characters down so even when they'd show me new things about themselves in the new directions the story threads were taking it was always just like "oh ofc that makes sense" lol who knows... I have lived with these characters a long time now and they still surprise me but always in ways that feel like they're not new 😂

"haha maybe I'll just add this in :)" -> yeah that sounds about right 🤣🤣

oh gosh hahaha so intense jghghg I'm really touched??? that my game could have such an impact makes me feel very honored but also very sheepish lol. I am sorry you can't give me money(????). honestly ppl playing my games and engaging with my characters is my greatest joy. I don't need any money from it... And I'm lucky that I can do most of game dev myself so it doesn't cost me much (besides my own time and sanity) to make games, so it's not like I need money to keep devving either. I just want as many ppl as possible to be able to experience my stories (if they want to ofc 🤣 I also realize my stuff isn't for everyone)

I just want to thank honestly everyone that plays my stuff and interacts with me and shows their love for my chars. that's really the currency that keeps me going tbh (that and my mind plague)

this is such an intense ask I'm not sure what else to say 🤣 thank you so much tho 💕 the sheer energy of this made my heart go brrrrr

[ashwithane]

happy 5th anniversary, fire emblem three houses!

i didn’t have time to do anything super elaborate, but i’m glad i could at least make some simple drawings of how i looked when the game released vs how i look now. i tried to give them a similar vibe to the in-game portraits haha

rant below about my feelings right now because there’s a Lot to say! content warning for mental illness and childhood trauma 🫠🤙

as you can see in the drawings, i’ve come a long way in the past five years. when three houses first released, i was a deeply insecure high schooler who never dared to speak up or express themself. i struggled with self worth issues and had long since begun developing ocd symptoms as a result of the fear i had that there was something wrong with me, something i couldn’t possibly know or change but that everyone would see if i made a single wrong move.

throughout high school, and my adolescence as a whole, i had a hard time connecting with people. but when i played three houses, i connected with the story, the characters, the ability to replay it again and again and always try something new, change characters’ classes and find new paired endings and discover the little details i hadn’t noticed before. i was playing three houses the weekend after covid lockdown was announced, and i remember talking to one of my friends about this cool game i’d just started my second playthrough of. we laughed and talked about the game, figuring that lockdown would only last a few weeks, and then things would be back to normal.

lockdown was difficult for me, as it was for most people. but at the same time, not going to school in person meant i could afford to let my guard down. i could afford to unmask, and discover who i was when i didn’t spend every moment in fear of what others would think. and so when lockdown ended, i started college still timid, but somewhat more familiar with who i was inside.

and then, one day, a thought hit me out of nowhere.

“am i trans???”

and thus began the journey of self-discovery that was my first summer after college. i started using the name ashe, started using any pronouns and later switched to just they/them. i also finally got up the courage to tell my parents i wanted to get tested for autism, and came back with that diagnosis to explain almost everything i hadn’t had the words to understand before.

recently, my mental health has gotten worse. i got diagnosed with anxiety at the same time i got my autism diagnosis, but nobody told me i have ocd as well until earlier this year. things took a nosedive for me over this past school year—i stopped taking risks, barely left my college campus, barely allowed myself to put effort into social connections out of fear that i’d be forcing people to put up with me. but through therapy and medication, i’ve been working through those feelings, and the fears my brain internalized as a result of the way i grew up: feeling like something was wrong with me, but not knowing what. today, i feel pretty good! i’ve been having more and more good days, so i’m overall optimistic about what my future holds.

to bring this back on topic, fire emblem: three houses has gotten me through countless tough times, and has been immensely helpful in figuring out who i am. so in honor of the anniversary, i’d like to give a special thank you to the characters who have been the most important to me over the past five years.

ashe: i’ll start with the obvious. ashe is the character i stole my name from, so of course he will always hold a special place in my heart. in addition to that though, ashe’s earnest personality and commitment to doing the right thing is immensely inspiring to me. he proves that it’s possible to make mistakes and grow from them, that your life isn’t over after one misstep. ashe has taught me to never give up on doing the right thing, and being the best version of myself i can be.

felix: this list would not be complete without the scrunkly of all time! obviously i find felix to be a very compelling character and fun to write, but his significance to me goes beyond being a writing muse. i’ve often thought that i wish i’d had a friend like felix when i was younger, and even now—someone who would drag me into situations i found stressful and encourage me (in his own rude way) to have confidence in myself. someone who would have stood up for me against the people who treated me like i was lesser. felix inspires me to fight for what i want, his shield symbolizing the ability to make your own choices for what and who you defend. he reminds me that there’s no glory in being a martyr, and so i shouldn’t make my well being a second priority. i love you felix and i’m sorry i put you through the horrors regularly (but not sorry enough to stop).

marianne: it’s probably concerning to say i see a lot of myself in marianne. her journey is incredibly inspiring to me, especially now as i see that the past five years have taken me along a similar path to hers. marianne starts out thinking she’s too different from everyone else to deserve a life like theirs, and condemns herself to crushing loneliness all to avoid the possibility of her hurting the people she loves. and yet she learns to live for herself, realizes that her mere existence doesn’t cause any harm, and learns to embrace her right to enjoy life. i hope to have the same strength she does, so that one day i can reach that point as well.

linhardt: no joke, i realized i was neurodivergent because of linhardt. so many of his lines and support conversations made me go “ha, he’s so autistic/adhd coded!” i made these comments repeatedly, but i also kept noticing all the little ways in which i related to him. linhardt was one of many autistic people who made me go “huh, i do that too! what do you mean that’s not normal???” his character also serves as a reminder that it’s okay to take a break once and a while, and that looking after myself doesn’t mean i don’t care about others.

if there’s one thing left to say, it’s thank you. thank you to ashe, felix, marianne, linhardt, mercedes, sylvain, ignatz, hapi, yuri, hell—my oc rowan, all the characters i’ve connected with and loved so deeply over the past five years. thank you fire emblem three houses, not for being the only reason i am where i am today, but being a major part of it nonetheless. and if anyone’s still reading, thank you for making it this far, and happy timeskip! 🎉

[pynkhues]

Lestat's lost huge chapters of time where social understandings of sex and sexuality and, well, sex toys have really changed. Louis was fucking his way through all of this, both Armand and other men, and it just kind of makes me curious as to what that actually means when they're back together.

I'm still figuring it out, I just think it's an interesting area to explore that Lestat might have some baggage around all of that (and that that baggage might be in regards to a lot of different things).

I am so MASSIVELY intrigued by this! That is SO fascinating to think about, I love your brain. I am curious if you mean angsty Magnus baggage or "Louis is now more sexually experienced than I am????" baggage or both or neither or something else completely, but I am here for it!!!

(x)

Yeah! It's an area I'm pretty interested in too because the impact of Lestat going underground whenever something happens he doesn't want to deal with has impact, right? He acts too often like he exists outside of time, but we know that he doesn't, which is evidenced even from his first scene on the show when he shows up in 1910 New Orleans dressed like he'd been dropped out of 1800s France (extra hilarious when in theory he's been with Marius in the Greek Islands for a minute and apparently just didn't update his wardrobe, haha).

Thinking about what that means in terms of not just shifting social attitudes around sex, but re-partnering with someone who's been sexually active amongst those shifting times when you've been completely out of it just lights up a writing part of my brain, haha.

As for the baggage - - I guess I mean a lot of things? I'm still figuring out what this looks like / exploring it as a concept, but I think a really interesting element of their dynamic in s1 is that while they do teach each other a lot, the power dynamic of course skews in Lestat's direction on multiple fronts, and while we haven't seen much of their dynamic yet, the s2 finale did end on the sense that that's likely changed. Louis not only having lived through an age while Lestat was underground, but re-married, worked through trauma, and at least started to figure out who he is and what he wants in life, while Lestat - - well, has done exactly none of those things, haha.

That's a personal distinction that shifts a power dynamic even before re-introducing sex, and I think that maybe there could be a sense that nothing had really changed for Lestat when a lot has for Louis. A part of that could be the sense that Louis understands modern sex better and has obviously explored sexual subcultures in a way that Lestat hasn't over the last century. It wouldn't surprise me if that didn't mm - not make Lestat insecure, exactly, but became something he was suddenly Very Conscious of.

Lestat being horribly jealous when it comes to Louis too is also not not going to be a factor, and given the last way he handled that jealousy/insecurity was to try and over-abundently cater to what he apparently perceived as Louis' soldier kink (still hilarious to me)... I can see him just making a Whole Thing of it, haha.

[theycallmeratt]

Writer Interview

Tagged by the fantastic @beesht, @commander-krios, and @coreene!

(just realized I forgot to tag people ummmm @lolliputian, @aviatorasharak @bloobluebloo)

When did you start writing?

So long ago that I no longer recall when it was. I also like arranging and playing with words. It's a crutch for me; my brain often feels aimless and chaotic. Writing lets me lock down my thoughts so I can quit chasing them.Expressing myself face-to-face has always been a struggle; I hide behind screens, sunglasses and masks. I'm happiest when people don't know what I look or sound like, and writing is the easiest way to talk with people without my physical-ness getting in the way.

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

Love horror, adore it. I'm not super great at writing it (yet!).

I also love heists. I keep trying to write a heist. It is not going well.

Finally, I love mythologies and folklore. I'm currently really into American Indigenous (specifically Inuit and I just got a book on Latin American mythologies) and Middle Eastern (specifically Iranian). Or, at least what I can find in English, from a reputable source. I would love to write about characters from these (Esfandiyār! Sedna!) but I'm a white American who is neither a part of those cultures nor educated enough to treat the subject with the respect it deserves.

But I will talk about them and encourage other people to learn because they're very cool.

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

Haha, I specifically don't read while I'm writing so I don't emulate anyone, but creativity doesn't happen in a vacuum so..

My writing style and content were influenced by the authors I grew up on: KA Applegate, Terry Pratchett, Diana Wynne Jones, Terry Brooks, Sergio Lukyanenko, Neil Gaiman, Francesca Lia Blake, Anne Bishop, Terry Goodkind, Arthur C Clarke, Laurel K Hamilton. Some of those authors I was far too young to read, a lot I don't read or like anymore, but they definitely shaped my fascination with urban fantasy, people living normal lives in weird worlds, people finding the weird in normal worlds, horror and humor and how they fit together, how both are most effective when they're just reality taken slightly off-kilter, and how small any single person's perspective is.

I've also been on Tumblr for about a billion years and have the Tumblr/millennial accent and I'm too tired to change it. 

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

On my phone, swipe keyboard, usually while commuting or waiting in line or standing over the stove or late at night when I can't sleep. Writing isn't a priority in my life right now, so I squeeze it into all the empty spaces.

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

I wrote about this here under "recharging when I'm not feeling creative" and here under "where do you get inspiration", but short answer is taking a complete break from creating anything, slogging through whatever is blocking me or interacting with my community.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

Shifting identities and what defines a person. I was raised on the idea that the "soul" is a person's core unifying self. I'm fascinated by this concept because if you take away "soul" as an easy answer, then what is a person? What makes me the same person as who I was twenty years ago? As me, age 2 months? If I lost all my memories, am I still me? What if I only lose one thing, like my driving force, or a fundamental belief, or if I recover from trauma or receive treatment for a chronic condition? What if I was uploaded into a machine? 

Anyway, I'm rambling, but I think I probably assign my identity to experience: memory, skills, hobbies, achievements and failures, and those are the concepts I've been exploring a lot.

What is your reason for writing?

I get itchy otherwise.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

I like knowing the exact parts people like, so whenever anyone quotes part of a fic, I get excited. I also love hearing people's theories or if they noticed any Easter eggs or references. My writing is so self indulgent sometimes and meeting people who also like it feels like meeting people who would like me? (That sounds really pathetic haha but I'm leaving it because it's honest).

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

Funny! And hopefully a bit creative. 

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

Finishing a piece before I publish it, I guess. Writers have a right to bail on a piece for whatever reason, even for no reason. Writers have a right to publish incomplete work. But, personally, I'm a little proud that I put out completed pieces. 

I also try to write in a way that's uncomplicated. I avoid using oversized words, complex sentences, too many pronouns or vague references. Keep things simple, you know? I want to write things that people can read when they're distracted, or only have time for a few paragraphs, or if they aren't great readers.

Usually when I'm reading my head is already fried and I don't have the time or spoons to get assaulted by a thesaurus.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?

I'm only influenced if I'm doing a piece for someone, or if I know a specific person will read it and I want to make them smile. Beyond that, it's all for me :)

How do you feel about your own writing?

It's a little trite, but that's okay. I love happy endings, so I aim for that. I also love the bizarre, absurd and ridiculous.

I do overuse this sentence format, where it's two clauses together. I'd like to fix that. And like all my paragraphs are three sentences, gross.

Anyway, I like it overall.

[achubbydumpling]

I love your writing, especially when it comes to fat Bucky and/or Steve!!

What are some of your favorite weight gain tropes with them? And what's the biggest you like to see them? Bc I LOVE when they get to the point of mobility struggles and talking seriously about accommodating for immobility 🥵 so any thoughts on that, feel free to share 👀👀👀

hi! thank you so much, as slow as I am at answering them I really really really love getting asks like this (I mean who doesn't love compliments haha)

speaking of (im)mobility I gotta link two posts, one by me and one by @mylevisdontfitanymore with lots of fics about immobility:

https://www.tumblr.com/achubbydumpling/708676381409771520/whats-your-opinion-on-immobilitynearly-immobile

https://www.tumblr.com/mylevisdontfitanymore/713904301783810048/do-you-have-any-works-or-links-to-other-works-that

Now, to your questions:

What are some of your favorite weight gain tropes with them?

what isn't a favourite of mine? 😂 hm if I had to narrow it down to three probably

weight gain as a metaphor for healing from past trauma

old men finally getting to live the life of their kinkiest dreams

accidental kink discovery

(are those even weight gain tropes? 🤔)

and I usually prefer Bucky to gain (more) weight, I don't really have an explanation for this, it's just what I prefer (feel free to psychoanalyse that 😂)

And what's the biggest you like to see them?

any size at all really, fat, overweight, underweight, morbidly obese, the brain rot is in the stucky 😌😂

no I mean I don't mind as long as it's somewhat "realistic", i.e. a person of that weight has lived on earth before, idk I'm just not really into the thousands of pounds weights? I feel like at some point you can't really escalate anymore in terms of writing the experience, how does 3000lbs feel different from 1000lbs? it can be done, I've read some excellent stories before

but generally I'd say anything below 1000lbs is like a soft limit for me while reading and especially when I'm writing the story

that being said hnnng mobility struggles 🥵🥵🥵

Bc I LOVE when they get to the point of mobility struggles and talking seriously about accommodating for immobility 🥵 so any thoughts on that, feel free to share 👀👀👀

is there anything better than constantly being out of breath, being painfully aware of how fat and out of shape they are when they're just walking to the kitchen or when they're just too big to fit somewhere

I love it when immobility is constantly on the horizon, threatening to take over but for right now they can still get around, right now it's exhausting and annoying and so so so hot just to do the simplest things because of their weight and their size.

and then with Bucky and Steve I think mobility aids and accomodations would come relatively late into the process, not because Bucky doesn't want them, but because he 1) has the/a supersoldier serum so that eases some of the intense discomfort and pain and mostly reduces it to an annoyance or some things just take him longer and 2) he has a super soldier around to help out

I think some accomodations would creep in without them even noticing, like

when Bucky first moves into Steve's apartment it's still a bachelor pad, mostly Steve's decor and some furnishings SHIELD put in for Steve, one of the things they replace is the low futon style bed

they aren't even really thinking about accomodating Bucky's weight yet, but they both gravitate towards a higher bed, maybe a really nice box-spring bed?

(I honestly don't know much about beds 😅 but I like the ones that go all the way to the bottom and don't have feet or short ones because I feel like those would be less likely to break due to weight or.. shenanigans)

something that's around hip-height, that makes it easier for Bucky to get up since he doesn't have to heave himself up from such a low position

also something with a high weight limit just because hey, they're big guys even when they aren't actively gaining and getting heavier and when they're having fun in bed (feeding, stuffing, sex (in that or any order haha)) they don't want to have to worry about accidentally breaking anything

heavy-duty chairs obviously no arm rests, as hot as it is to try and squeeze his fat ass in, Bucky doesn't need that at every meal, I feel like they'd have a huge sofa, not just a three seater or something but the full thing with like ottomans and pull-out sections

heavy duty everything really though I feel like SHIELD would've added that just because they know Captain America has super strength and would probably appreciate some sturdy furniture in his apartment, someone had to furnish that apartment for Steve, I can't imagine him thawing out of the ice and heading straight to bed, bath and beyond 😂

that's furniture, what about behavioural accomodations?

Steve definitely gets Bucky whatever he asks for, no need to get up when Steve is already on his way, I love the headcanon that the serum gave Steve a serious energy boost, like he can barely sit still and even if he does his thoughts are racing instead, so yeah most of the time he's puttering around the apartment anyway and he's more than happy to get Bucky whatever he wants

whenever they go out they're quick to order an uber or use public transport, they don't walk much when they're together, Steve enjoys running, even when he gains weight I think it's a good outlet for his pent up energy, and if they want to enjoy the city, they'd rather sit in a café or on a shaded bench in a park, than walking around aimlessly just for the sake of it

(this is like 80 million head canons stacked on top of each other 😂)

Bucky with a cane enough said, actually not enough said

his joints, bones, muscles, tendons are probably a mess of scar tissue after 70 years of being the winter soldier, so I 100% support the headcanon that he struggles with chronic pain from that

his prosthesis looks heavy af which could lead to some one-sided overuse and when he takes it off, he's leaning to the other side, a cane could help with balance and

imagine he's so heavy and his thighs are so thick that he has a heavy waddle that makes him sway side to side and the cane helps him stabilize his body during every step he takes 😩😩😩

it's a clichée at this point but riding a mobility scooter while buying a shitton of food, Bucky is already pretty big at this point, like "worrying about the weight limit on those scooters"-big, even with the arm rests pushed up Bucky is squeezed in, he's definitely wider than the seat and you can see his hips and thighs hanging over the seat of the scooter from the back (Steve loves letting Bucky lead the way just to get a view of that backside 😏😂)

this is also the point where they're like "ok, we gotta seriously talk about mobility aids now" I imagine Bucky's been using the cane at least since he was below 300lbs (ooh braces too maybe to support his knee?) and the first time he used the mobility scooter was a novelty and a "I wanna feel fat"-moment, you know what I mean?

but then Bucky notices how much less exhausted he is after grocery shopping, usually he takes a short nap after and he used to think it was just mostly because of all the lights and sounds and people, just a sensory thing, but now it's like "no, carrying around all this weight is definitly a big part of it"

idk if they'd go straight for a personal mobility scooter, I feel like Bucky would maybe add a walking frame first? not a lot of moving parts and it's similar to his cane, so there's some familiarity there, it's helpful around the house but outside it's usually more of an annoyance because people won't move out of his way and the uneven pavements make it feel less stable than inside

next he might start thinking about a wheelchair, the jump to a mobility scooter feels huge, something manual feels easier to think about, he'd still have to push himself

but after trying it out Bucky has to admit that it takes a lot of strength and endurance to push himself around and he doesn't want Steve to constantly be pushing him, not because he thinks Steve wouldn't want to do it but because he also wants to look at Steve's face while they're out and about and just chatting about everything and nothing, and he'd give up a lot of freedom if he went with a manual wheelchair right now

so a mobility scooter it is

it takes Bucky another few months to actually decide, the reason it feels like such a huge step is partially because of what other people will think, Bucky has a slight exibitionist streak, but getting around in a mobility scooter will draw even more attention than he already gets

it's almost a self-proclaimed, "I'm too fat to walk", which isn't true, he can and does still walk around fine, maybe not that far or that often, but he can still do it and hell, he gets off to the thought, Steve gets off on it too, it's not like what people assume is going to be wrong

but this big investment is almost like a final nail in the coffin of his mobility, is it giving up or giving in? finally permission to stop worrying, to stop scoping restaurants and cafés for chairs that'll hold him, to start demanding people make space for him instead of jostling his walking frame or bumping into his cane

in the end Bucky doesn't regret his decision, even for a second, he gets to visit his favourite places in the city without pain, without wheezing from exhaustion, without feeling embarassed by how much space he takes up (as delicious as that shame could sometimes be when Steve talks about those moments afterwards in the bedroom)

and maybe they finally cycle back around to replacing their current bed, not because it's broken but because they're dangerously quickly approaching that heavy weight limit and maybe a bariatric bed is the next step in Bucky's journey

[therealslimshakespeare]

This might just be an AWFUL take and I might be just hypersensitive about certain things (also I am a little drunk right now) 🤨🤨 But I’m not gonna lie, as much as I agree with the opinions of Bucky and Gale knowing about the worst of it too, I like the idea of it being from off handed comments from Ida because, just hear me out! This really is probably just me. And probably not a good point. But. Because the trinity is already established as being like parental vibes with Lu I just feel differently about that. Lu is my fav like I adore that sweet girl so so much and that’s in part because I identify with a lot of her insecurities about being perceived as young and stupid. And the thing is, you’re right, we know that (especially in that moment) this isn’t something she’d want them to know. She probably doesn’t even want Maureen, Ida and Tilly all talking about it but the majors are obviously different. And while I know that this is just a group of people that care about her, I need to protect my baby’s dignity and autonomy 🤞🏽 And I really can’t explain it but for me it feels different for them to hear it from Ida vs. Maureen, with Maureen is feels more… not like gossip. But lighthearted. And I promise that’s nothing on her because I like her like honestly I always have. I think it makes sense for her and maybe Tilly to be casually catching up with Lu and put these dots together and then communicate it to Ida who is Germany but I feel like the ultimate and most impactful sharing of that info (based on what Lu herself would want) is to Bucky and Gale and when it comes from Ida I just feel it gives different vibes because again, we’ve literally talked so much about how they’re trauma bonded to her like parents would be to a child and I could be just insane but it seems totally different to my drunk mind right now. I guess cause again they’re already established as parental figures and I just think it’s different for someone to talk about your life like that as a parental figure vs. a friend. As innocent as it might seem. Maybe I’m just being sensitive ok I admit it! But I feel like I prefer a domino effect, Maureen and Tilly complaining to Ida and then Ida telling her coparents instead of one person sharing the info to several people. Im not saying Maureen shouldn’t make those comments and such afterwards but the initial sharing about the sensitive stuff gives me Ida vibes maybe I am crazy.

Anyways I might make no sense and I am fully aware that we are just brain rotting about something so convoluted and underdeveloped , something that might not even be a plot because we just took it and ran with it haha. But I’m getting fomo and wanted to give my two cents!!

I actually really like your points here -the domino affect is what is becoming more and more cemented in my heart for what I want. Just as you put it. And then as far as what Ida knows -it not being more than the majors. It’s a general sense from Tilly and Maureen that things aren’t good but we don’t have any sordid details because Lu wouldn’t offer them, and knowing this friend group, they’ve felt with delicate things before. Dignity is huge to each of them. So to keep in character with that for each, the Trinity and Maureen and of course sweet Tilly; I agree I like a more concerned approach with a domino effect and it being generalities of concern all in all.

And again, to emphasize what was concerning others: I see Lu being 100% the one who ends this.

All this concern, etc, is for her but doesn’t actually get involved

[rantceratops]

So here’s my thing: I personally don’t care if those that think Wally dying was a great decision that had so much meaning and sacrifice think he should stay dead.

I personally will never be okay with the decision, and frankly if that’s just because I’m an irrational Wally West fan and Spitfire shipper, then so be it, I won’t claim otherwise and I’ll hang onto my irrationality. Wally West shouldn’t have been killed permanently. The show feels weird to me without him, and to be honest it just makes me think of the Justice League episode where the League basically turned evil because Wally was killed. I don’t have any real good argument against him dying from a narrative standpoint right now other than we know for a fact he was chosen just because it would hurt the most, but as I said, I’ll fully admit I’m simply forever pissed such a beloved character was offed. If someone has actual good insight on his death being bs, feel free to share. (Even if it’s not narrative bs, I still think it’s bs.)

All this being said: I don’t think I actually want Wally to come back anymore at this point in the series if it were to continue with a s5. I think they wasted too much time and now it would just be far too much misery. Wally would be so far out of everyone’s lives it would be almost impossible to reconnect and re-insert himself back into life(which would likely cause him severe mental health issues, yay), and I don’t think he and Artemis would be able to get back together(not that they have to, but as a shipper I’d have ideally wanted this outcome eventually). I just feel like they wasted their chance. S4 should have done it, it felt like the final opportunity, but they didn’t, and so I’m sadly off the train for him coming back, unless someone has a convincing argument that any of this could still work out.

I feel at this point that nothing short of time travel, dimension hopping, or a full ass reset could fix it, tbh.

Like, is it even worth it for him to come back at this point? Would he be able to be happy again?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a Wally truther and a Spitfire shipper through and through, but I just finally got tired of it when s4 ended and nothing happened.

At least we have our brains, fanart, fanfic, aus, etc.

(And for the record, as much as I love YJ I promise any grievances with the show post-season 1 go beyond feeling cheated out of Wally existing.)

(Edit: Wanted to add that the angst, drama, and eventual fluff that could have happened if they’d brought Wally back sooner/at all could have been delicious. Him working through his trauma, he and Artemis being so unsure of where they stand, so much time has passed, but eventually slowly coming back together and realizing they still have feelings, even if they’ve changed, they still love each other and they want to try and let things happen how they happen, etc. RIP)

(Edit 2: Am I talking about this in 2024? Yes, yes I am.)

(Edit 3: It kind of pissed me off that s4 has such a huge issue of pretending to kill characters off, but then they wind up being fine (Conner, Dick, Rocket, everyone on the ship when it crashed) but somehow Wally MUST stay dead. Why, exactly? No one else fucking does. (Not that I want anyone to stay dead tbh.) It just kind of felt like a slap in the face. Wally died and Artemis was heartbroken? Haha but Conner gets to be okay and he and Megan get married, because fuck you.)