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weevil-wallflower · 6 months ago

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The Empire's Most Wanted

Cal Kestis & the Mantis Crew

Summary: From fugitive to celebrity.

Warnings/Tags: SFW, crack fic (kinda lol), humour, canon-typical violence, during Jedi: Survivor, no spoilers for Jedi: Survivor.

A.N.: So a discussion began when I shared a screenshot of Cal in the outfit as shown below. The discussion ended with him having so many admiring fans in the Galaxy due to being an infamous ‘Jedi terrorist’. From that discussion, spawned this fic ^_^ Gif by me!

Also on AO3!

Word Count: ~2700

Cal Kestis lounged in the Mantis’s common area, flicking through various channels on the holo-TV. BD-1 sat perched on his shoulder, beeping curiously as the channels zipped by. Suddenly, a flashy advertisement caught Cal’s attention, causing him to pause.

“The Empire’s Most Wanted!” boomed a dramatic voice. “The Galaxy’s hottest new talk show featuring exclusive interviews with the most notorious outlaws. Tonight, we delve into the life of the Jedi terrorist himself; Cal Kestis!”

Cal’s eyes widened in surprise. “BeeDee, did you hear that? They’re talking about me!”

BD-1 beeped excitedly, his optics flashing as he absorbed the information. Cal couldn’t help but smirk at the thought of being discussed so openly on a talk show. He quickly called out to the rest of the crew.

“Merrin, Greez, Bode! Get over here, you’ve got to see this!”

Merrin and Greez emerged from their respective quarters, while Bode appeared from the cockpit. The three of them gathered around as Cal rewound the broadcast and played it again.

“Cal Kestis, the Galaxy’s most elusive Jedi, will be featured on the next episode of ‘Empire’s Most Wanted’!” the show host repeated, the holo-screen flashing with dramatic images of Cal in action.

Greez’s jaw dropped. “Kid, when did you become so popular? And how’d they get those photos of you?!”

“The Galaxy is a strange place,” Merrin mused with a raised eyebrow, a smirk playing on her lips. “You go from fugitive to celebrity overnight.”

Bode chuckled, shaking his head in disbelief. “I guess all those close calls with the Empire finally paid off in the fame department.”

Cal shrugged, a playful glint in his emerald eyes. “Hey, I can’t help it if I’m a big deal now.”

BD-1 beeped in agreement, clearly excited about the possibility of seeing his favourite Jedi on a galaxy-wide holo-show.

Over the next few days, the buzz surrounding the talk show became impossible to ignore. Every corner of the Galaxy seemed to be talking about the ‘Empire’s Most Wanted’ and its upcoming episode on Cal Kestis. Then, one evening, Cal actually received an official invitation to appear on the show.

Greez read the invitation aloud, his voice tinged with disbelief, as the rest huddled around him. “Dear Cal Kestis, we cordially invite you to be a guest on ‘The Empire’s Most Wanted’. Your presence would undoubtedly make for an unforgettable episode.”

Merrin sighed, exasperated. “Cal, this is not a good idea. If you attend, the Empire will know your location. It is too risky.”

"It's a trap, kid. You know it's a trap.” Greez added, sounding sure of himself.

“Wait, how did they know where to send the invite…?” Bode mumbled to himself, his question going unnoticed due to Cal’s excitement. The redhead seemed undeterred as he glanced at the invitation and then back at his friends, a mischievous grin spreading across his face. “Come on, guys. It could be fun. Besides, I could use a little excitement.”

“Excitement?” Merrin repeated, her eyes narrowing. “Cal, this is not some adventure you should just dive into without consequences.”

Bode placed a hand on Cal’s shoulder, his expression just as serious. “Look, scrapper, I get it. You want to face them head-on, but this is too reckless—even for you. You’ll be giving the Empire a clear shot at you by flaunting yourself like that.”

Cal simply shrugged off the warnings with a casual wave of his hand. “I appreciate the concern, but I’ve got a good feeling about this. Trust me.”

Greez threw all four of his hands up in the air, grumbling, “Why do I even bother? You’re gonna get us all killed one day, kid.”

BD-1 beeped reassuringly, seemingly siding with Cal on this one as his little heart seemed set on enjoying the limelight as well. The little droid’s optimism was contagious, and despite their reservations, the crew reluctantly prepared for the trip to the talk show’s studio.

When the day finally arrived, the Mantis landed discreetly on the on the planet which housed the talk show studio. For this occasion, Cal had dressed in the only formal attire he owned; a dark grey high collared shirt paired with high-waisted and well-pressed black trousers.

The jedi, ever confident, strolled into the opulent studio, taking in the grandiose exterior with neon lights and towering banners displaying past episodes.

The interior was a bustling hive of activity. Camera crews rushed about, adjusting microphones and lights, while makeup artists fussed over guests and hosts. The studio audience, a mix of curious civilians and die-hard fans, buzzed with anticipation. The air was filled with excited whispers about the infamous red haired Jedi. It all created an almost surreal atmosphere.

As Cal was led onto the stage, the bright lights momentarily blinded him. The host, a charismatic man by the name of Xenn Garroz, greeted him with a wide smile.

“Welcome, Cal Kestis! Or should I say, the Galaxy’s most elusive Jedi?” Xenn’s voice boomed, echoing through the studio.

“Happy to be here, Xenn,” Cal returned the smile, trying to keep his cool. Having never been in front of such a large audience before this moment, he was finding out for the first time what stage fright felt like.

The interview began with standard questions about Cal’s adventures, the Mantis crew and his status as a Jedi. Everything appeared normal until Xenn’s expression suddenly shifted, taking on a sinister appearance.

“Cal, we have a special surprise for you,” Xenn announced, his tone dripping with malice. “But first, let’s met our real guest of honour.”

Suddenly, the studio’s backdrop transformed to display the Imperial insignia. Hidden doors burst open and stormtroopers poured onto the set, blasters at the ready. Much to the camera crew’s surprise, Xenn Garroz revealed himself as an undercover Imperial agent, his triumphant grin gleaming under the stage lights.

The audience present at the studio gasped, a mixture of shock and confusion spreading through the crowd. Cal ignited his lightsaber, the blade humming with energy and ready for the impending battle.

In the middle of the commotion, BD-1, who had sneakily found his way onto the set, scuttled to the guest chair meant for Cal and enjoyed the front-row seat to the action.

Back on the Mantis, the crew watched the live broadcast, their faces a mix of exasperation and disbelief. Greez sighed, shaking his head. "Why am I not surprised?"

Merrin rolled her eyes. "Cal and his flair for theatrics."

Bode, unable to stand idly by, decided to join the fight. With his blasters drawn, he dashed out of the Mantis, determined to help Cal.

But before Merrin and Greez could follow, a squad of stormtroopers had surrounded the ship, blasters pointed menacingly at them.

“Merrin, we’ve got company!” Greez shouted, his voice tinged with panic.

Merrin glanced out the cockpit, assessing the situation. “We need to defend the Mantis. Cal and Bode can handle themselves.”

The Latero nodded, gripping his blasters tightly. “I hope you’re right. Let’s make sure they have a ship to come back to!”

As Merrin and Greez prepared to defend the Mantis, back on the set, Cal fought off the stormtroopers with grace and efficiency, his lightsaber a blur of intense light. The studio audience watched in stunned silence, unable to tear their eyes away from the live battle.

Just as the number of stormtroopers threatened to overwhelm Cal, Bode burst onto the scene with his blasters at the ready. "Need a hand?"

Cal grinned. "Took you long enough!"

“Time for a real show now!” The mercenary shouted, taking aim at the closest stormtroopers.

Further chaos erupted as Cal and Bode fought side by side, their movements a blur of deadly lightsaber strikes and blaster shots. BD-1, perched peacefully on the guest chair, watched the action with a beep of delight, his lenses recording every moment.

The camera crew, despite the obvious danger, avidly recorded the entire fight. Blaster bolts zipped past them, narrowly missing the staff and equipment. One cameraman ducked behind his rig, shouting, “Keep rolling, keep rolling!” Meanwhile, the studio audience, initially frozen in shock, began cheering for the Jedi and his ally.

Cal deflected blaster bolts with fluid precision, his lightsaber dancing through the air. He vaulted over a group of stormtroopers, landing gracefully to deliver a sweeping strike. Bode, covering Cal’s back, fired shot after shot, each one finding its mark with flawless accuracy.

“Nice shot, Bode!” Cal shouted over the din.

“Right back at you, scrapper!” Bode replied with a grin.

The entire brawl was broadcast live to the entire Galaxy, turning what was meant to be an Imperial trap into an unforgettable spectacle. The audience who watched in their homes were in awe, their holo-screens filled with the dramatic and exciting scenes.

Finally, the last of the stormtroopers were defeated, and Xenn Garroz lay subdued at Cal’s feet. Cal deactivated his lightsaber, breathing heavily but triumphant. Bode holstered his blasters as well, shaking his head in amusement.

“Well, that was something,” the mercenary said.

The redhead glanced around the studio, noticing the camera crew was still filming. He grinned and walked back to the guest chair, where BD-1 was perched.

“Looks like our little droid is enjoying the spotlight,” Bode remarked, joining Cal.

The Jedi chuckled, before noticing a pile of fan mail on Xenn’s desk. In a moment of whimsy, he decided to read a few letters on live holo-TV. “Why not?” He said, flipping open the first envelope. “Might as well see what the fans have to say.”

The ratings for the show skyrocketed as viewers tuned in, eager to see what would happen next. Cal read the first few letters, which were innocent enough—praises for his bravery, admiration for his lightsaber skills, and heartfelt gratitude for his efforts against the Empire. But as he continued to read through the letters out loud against his better judgement, his face turned various shades of red. Because while many were simply messages of admiration, a few bordered on the overly affectionate, if not outright steamy.

"Dear Cal," he read one aloud, hesitating slightly as he scanned the rest of the letter. "Your... intense... lightsaber skills aren't the only thing I'd like to see in action. If you ever find yourself on Coruscant, I'd love to show you a few moves of my own."

Cal felt his face burn, and he quickly moved on to the next letter, only to find it even steamier. "Hey, Cal," he read, his voice cracking a bit. "Ever thought about using the Force for something... other than fighting? Let's just say I'd be more than happy to be your padawan for a night."

By now, Cal's face was a deep shade of crimson, almost matching his hair. He could hear the live studio audience snickering, and the holo-camera zoomed in to capture every embarrassed expression. Bode, who had been catching his breath from the fight, burst into laughter.

"Well, well, well, Cal," He teased, his eyes gleaming with amusement. "Looks like you've got quite the fan club. Never knew you had such... admirers."

Cal shot him a glare. "You're not helping, Bode."

Bode just chuckled, clearly enjoying Cal's discomfort. "Oh, this is too good."

The Galaxy watched in rapt attention as Cal, blushing furiously, continued to read the fan mail live on holo-TV. BD-1 beeped happily, capturing every moment on holo-video for posterity.

Back on the Mantis, after having dispatched of all the stormtroopers, Greez and Merrin watched the broadcast with mixed emotions. Greez shook his head, muttering, "I can't believe he's doing this. He's reading fan mail. On live holo-TV. That kid is gonna be the death of me."

Merrin sighed, a small smile playing on her lips. “Of all the things Cal could be doing, this is certainly not what I expected. Well, at least he keeps things interesting.”

As Cal continued to read, the letters only grew more explicit. He stumbled over suggestive language, each one making him blush harder. The viewers couldn't get enough of it, and the ratings continued to soar.

Cal finally put down the last letter, wiping sweat from his brow. "Okay, I think that's enough fan mail for today," he said, his voice shaky. "Thank you all for your... support. Really."

Meanwhile, BD-1, perched proudly on the set, beeped cheerfully as he continued to record every moment. The little droid even made several backups, ensuring that even if the Empire managed to take down the episode, he could put it right back up.

Cal sighed, knowing that BD-1 would never let him live this down. As the broadcast ended, he glanced at the little droid. "You really enjoyed that, didn't you?"

BD-1 beeped enthusiastically, displaying a holo-image of Cal's reddened face during one of the steamier letters. The droid's optics seemed to twinkle with mischief.

After they returned to the Mantis, they were greeted by Merrin and Greez's exasperated faces. Greez shook his head, his eyes filled with a mix of concern and amusement.

"Kid, you never cease to amaze me. Or worry me. Next time, just stick to fighting stormtroopers, okay?" The Latero said, crossing his arms.

Merrin smirked. "You managed to turn an obvious trap into a galaxy-wide spectacle. Impressive, but utterly foolish. Also, you do realise that BeeDee will be sharing that footage for the rest of your life, don't you?"

Bode, still chuckling, slapped Cal on the back. "And I'll make sure to remind you of it every chance I get."

Cal groaned, rubbing his temples. "Yeah, I figured as much."

BD-1 beeped proudly, displaying snippets of the most embarrassing moments on his holo-projector. Cal couldn't help but smile at the little droid's enthusiasm.

"You really know how to put on a show, though.” Bode said. “Looks like you've got more admirers than just the Rebellion."

The Empire, of course, was not amused. The show became a viral sensation, and the footage of Cal and Bode's battle, along with Cal's fan mail reading session, spread like wildfire across the holo-net. Desperate to quell the growing admiration for the ‘Jedi terrorist’, the Empire ordered the episode to be taken down. But each time it was removed, BD-1, with his usual determination and tech-savvy skills, managed to put it right back up.

Imperial officers were left baffled and infuriated as the footage reappeared time and time again. BD-1's persistence turned the episode into a symbol of defiance, and it became a rallying cry for the Rebellion. More and more recruits flocked to join the fight, inspired by the Jedi who had not only fought bravely but had also become a symbol of hope and resistance.

The popularity of the episode even spilled over to Bode, who found himself with a growing fanbase of his own. Admirers sent letters and holo-messages praising his sharpshooting skills and his unwavering support for Cal. Bode took it all in stride, often teasing Cal about their newfound celebrity status.

"Looks like you're not the only one with fans, Cal," Bode said with a wink, showing off a particularly flattering fan mail addressed to him.

Cal rolled his eyes, though he couldn't help but laugh. "Great, just what we needed. Two galactic heartthrobs on the run from the Empire."

The days turned into weeks, and the holo-show episode continued to circulate. Despite the Empire’s continued efforts to take down the episode, BD-1 ensured it stayed on the holo-net. Each time it was removed, the clever little droid re-uploaded it, much to the Empire’s confusion and frustration. Cal Kestis had become the galaxy's most notorious—and unexpectedly, the most popular—Jedi, all thanks to one very memorable holo-show appearance.

On a distant desert planet, a young blonde boy sat glued to a holo-TV, his blue eyes wide with awe as he watched the red haired Jedi valiantly fight the stormtroopers. The boy’s small frame was perched on the edge of his seat, his expression one of pure fascination.

“Cal Kestis is so cool,” he whispered to himself, captivated by the action unfolding on the holo-screen.

Just as the battle reached its peak, a woman’s voice called out from the other room. “Luke, it’s time for dinner!”

The boy groaned, not wanting to tear himself away from the holo-TV. “Aww, Aunt Beru, the show’s just getting good!”

“Now, Luke!” Beru’s voice was firm but loving.

Luke Skywalker reluctantly stood up, casting one last glance at the holo-screen where Cal Kestis and Bode Akuna were fighting side by side. He sighed and headed towards the door, mumbling to himself about how he couldn’t wait to be a hero like Cal someday.

As he left the room, the holo-TV continued to play, showing the fearless Jedi and his resilience, inspiring a new generation even in the most remote corners of the Galaxy.

A.N.: The reason why Cere isn't here is because she's busy on Jedha. And also because if she was present, it wouldn't be much of a fic as I believe she's the only one who can and will stop Cal from doing something stupid and/or ground him for like a week for doing something stupid x3

#cal kestis #bd 1 #nightsister merrin #bode akuna #greez dritus #mantis crew #luke skywalker #the empire star wars #jedi survivor #jedi fallen order #star wars #crack fic #star wars fanfiction #humour #found family #my writing #🥀 wallflower writes

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