#[Blind to the simplicity i will show you the way[Five]

[venusphacelia]

Tag Dump

[yutafrita]

Through the Webs- CHAPTER FIVE

And through it all, I will fearlessly love you."

Sungchan x Reader (y/n pronouns are she/her)

Chapter Warnings: References to deceased parents, mild to graphic depictions of violence, mild psychological horror elements, spider(s), references to minor character death, slight references to homophobia, depictions of poor mental health institutions, references/ depictions to execution by hanging

Chapter Word Count: ~5.4K

Through the Webs Master List

Tag List! @nini0620 @maleegayuh if you want to be added just send an ask or comment <3

Chapter Five

That night, several memories bubbled to the surface. The first one was when you were younger and was of your mothers teaching you how to swim in a community pool. The next one, was of you waking up one day during puberty and suddenly being able to speak to spiders while also being able to create webs of your own. Strange, but you’d later find out this is how the others got their powers. A few other memories swelled together- getting accepted into university, saving Sungchan’s life at a party, fighting criminals with Jisoo, graduating from university and opening your private investigation business with Taeyong.

The last memory that came to you was what woke you up. It was of you in what you assumed was your shared home with Sungchan, where the two of you were perched on the couch watching TV. You were digging into a bowl of popcorn, a bright ring hanging onto a necklace you wore.

“This show is so dumb.”

“You say that about every show I watch, Sungchan.”

“Because you only watch reality dating shows.”

“And everytime you always ask me a million questions because you love it,” you taunted, handing him back the bowl so he could have a few kernels. 

“I don’t love these shows… however, they are entertaining,” he admitted, taking the bowl from your hands. “I do love you, though.”

You chuckled, mindlessly reaching out to grab a few more kernels. As your fingers met the bowl, his hand grasped your wrist and you looked to the side, giggling at Sungchan’s dilated pupils.

“What? Is it the popcorn that makes you feel some type of way?” you teased, lifting your other hand to caress  his cheek as you smirked at him. “I love you.”

Smiling, he adjusted to hold your hand as he leaned forward. “Good,” he whispered, just before closing the gap between your lips. Hands running through each other's hair, his hand squeezing your hips- and with that, you were awake.

The way your memories were coming back, it was as if you were watching a movie of someone else’s life. You knew it was you. Yet, it was the last memory that jolted you awake because of how grounded in reality it felt. You couldn’t deduce if it was just the simplicity of the memory itself, or the lingering feeling of Sungchan’s hands and lips all over you.

Speaking of Sungchan, he held you tightly, his soft snores indicating that he was still in a slumber. A blush rose in your cheeks as you felt his hands splayed on your stomach, his hands on you in your memory still at the forefront of your mind. You shook your head to clear your thoughts, and slowly unraveled yourself from him, doing your best to not wake him but failing as you heard his snores stop.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered. You heard the rustling of sheets and the lights inside the van came on, blinding you for a moment.

“It’s okay,” he yawned, rubbing his eyes. He paused, raising a suspicious eyebrow. “Why are you staring at me like that?”

“Like what?”

“Like… I don’t know like you saw me naked or something,” he was studying your face, and with the van now lit up, he saw the heat rising on your face. “Oh my god.”

“What?” you nervously picked at the hem of your t-shirt in an attempt to push down the memory.

“You saw me naked,” he chuckled, his stupid smirk making you groan in irritation.

“I’m leaving now.”

“Which time was it?”

“You are the worst,” you covered your hands with your face in embarrassment.

“Was it that time after I proposed? Or that time in the student parking garage? Or was it that time right before graduation? After graduation?”

“No way you can remember every single time,” you huffed, frowning as he still laid on the sleeping bag, laughing at your embarrassed state.

“No, but I can keep going.”

“I don’t like you.”

“Sure, sure,” his smile was still on his face, and you had to fight the urge to not smile back at him. It was infectious, really. The look in his eyes as he spoke to you and teased you, it made you feel special- you didn’t need powers to feel that way, just his smile.

After breakfast, you made your way to the work room to try and readjust to your powers. The spider Sungchan had given you had taken to sitting on your shoulder, not saying anything beyond repeating that it was hungry a few times.

“Go and catch a fly then,” you snapped at it, sitting up on the work bench next to where Ten wass mindlessly doodling. Sungchan was helping Doyoung do some supply checks and was discussing things on the opposite end of the room.

“I can’t believe you can talk to spiders,” Ten repeated again. He and Shohei were the last ones waiting on their powers to come back. “I wonder what mine is.”

“I haven’t gotten any memories of yours,” you wish you had.

“I know,” he muttered. You looked over his shoulder, looking at the intricate sword he was drawing. It was drawn with a thin blade, and a small inscription you couldn’t quite make out. “That looks awesome.”

“Thanks! I wish it was real,” he confessed, smiling sheepishly.

“Hm, I think modern heroes could maybe use swords,” you were staring at the drawing, knowing that Ten was very proud of himself and happy to be able to draw again.

“Yeah, sure. As if I could just-,” his eyes widened sharply, and with his right hand, he pressed the palm of his hand onto the paper where the hilt of the sword was drawn. Swallowing nervously, he pressed his hand harshly onto the sheet of paper, and just when you were going to ask what he was doing, his hand reeled back with a full sword in his hand.

“Holy shit,” you swore, standing up with your eyes wide. The sword was just like how Ten drew it- it was thin but sturdy, the hilt was wrapped with white bandages, and the inscription was perfectly placed beneath Ten’s hands. “The Canvas?” you read aloud.

“T… That was my vigilante name,” he smiled, and you watched as memories seemed to enter his consciousness.

“Ten?” Doyoung called from across the room, and you glanced over to see him and Sungchan gawking at the sword. “Got your powers?”

“Oh yeah, I think so.”

As the day continued, you stuck to the dart board in the corner, listening to different bits of conversations as you tried to figure out how to utilize your spider webs. Jisoo had arrived later with her siblings, taking to carrying random bits of heavy equipment and helping Kun and Yangyang make a few repairs. Jaemin also arrived with Renjun, deciding to help his friend by powering up some electrical equipment.

“You’re doing it wrong,” a harsh voice sounded over your shoulder as you tossed a dart at the board, missing the center by a few centimeters. 

Looking over you went to roll your eyes before pausing. “When did you dye your hair?”

“Oh,” Taeyong quickly shook off the blue wig, revealing his blonde hair that needed a touch up. “I was collecting intel in the park today.”

“Ah,” you replied dryly. Trying to flick your wrist the way you’ve seen in your memories, you aimed it towards the dart board, to no avail. “So how did we end up starting a business together?” that was one thing your memories hadn’t given you yet. 

“I hated my job as a police detective. You wanted to be a PI fresh out of college. It just worked out. Plus, I was happy to work with the girl who my brother was in love with,” Taeyong reflected, taking a dart from the stool next to you and tossing it, hissing quietly when it landed on the farthest ring. “I never had great aim.”

“How was the intel?” Sungchan’s voice sounded to your other side, and you took it as a cue to continue flicking your wrist at the board.

“They haven’t cleaned the public parks in ages and my informant is telling me that Capsik’s men raided our old meeting restaurant,” Taeyong responded, taking another dart and missing again.

“I guess they finally figured out that’s where we used to meet,” Sungchan muttered. His hand came up then, and you looked over at him as he stared at you for permission before placing his fingertips gently where your palm meets your thumb. “You would always start your webs by tapping here,” he tapped the area again, “with your ring finger.”

“Telling her how she used to do it isn’t helpful,” Taeyong grumbled.

“And just telling me that I’m doing it wrong is more helpful?” you countered, following the technique Sungchan gave you to feel a quick release of web fluid from your wrist. “Awesome.”

After a couple of more tries, you were able to extend it enough to grab the dart on the board and bring it back to your hand. Finally, you were starting to feel comfortable in your own flesh.

“Alright guys let's circle up,” Sungchan had moved from your side without you noticing, now standing on a chair in the middle of the room.

“This isn’t soccer practice,” Yangyang teased. He placed his tools back down before he moved to the center of the room nonetheless.

“Renjun, can you pull up the Mayoral house feed?” Sungchan instructed, earning a nod from Renjun as he moved towards his large monitor set up.

“You think we’re ready to move forward with phase four already?” Kun asked loudly, crossing his arms. You didn’t know what he meant by phases, but Kun certainly seemed doubtful of whatever it was.

“I don’t think it's a matter of being ready,” Sungchan sighed, glancing over to see the center monitor showing a large crowd outside of the mayor's house. “This is the second protest group within the last two weeks.”

“That’s a good thing, isn’t it?” Ten interjected.

“It would be, if not for…” Sungchan’s voice trailed off as two large double doors burst open from the mansion, groups of armed guards waltzing out with batons waving in their hands as they began attacking the crowd. Cringing in pain, you turned your face away from the screen.

“God dammit,” Renjun muttered, clicking away at his keyboard before shutting off the livestream.

“How can we help?” Shohei asked first, puffing his chest as he spoke.

“You don’t even have your powers back,” Jaemin sighed, looking hopelessly at Shohei.

“That doesn’t matter- none of those people have powers and they’re doing more than we are,” you crossed your arms over your chest, holding yourself as best as you could. Looking up, you met Sungchan’s eyes. “What’s the plan?”

Amongst the muttering, you remembered the stupid ad you saw on the Capsik enterprises website. “They’re having an investors gala,” you spoke loudly, hardly recognizing the strong voice that came out of you. 

“At the end of the month,” Renjun had the website open, and his eyes met yours in a knowing manner. 

“I can get information on who’s going so we can better plan how to infiltrate and take down Capsik,” Taeyong was visibly running through his own thoughts.

“You’re going to need someone else to do that with you,” Kun spoke.

“I’ll gather intel with him,” Ten suddenly offered.

“No way- you just got your powers back. You aren’t ready,” Jennie chastised. 

Ten shrugged at his sister. “My power is the most covert and adaptable to gather intel.”

“He’s not wrong,” Jaemin’s response earned a glare from Jennie. “What? If I get caught, I create an electrical surge. If Jisoo’s caught, she at best can punch their way out, we don’t know what Shohei can do, and god-,” he looked at you in exhaustion, “she’ll call every spider to them in a panic.”

“Not every spider,” you half joked, earning a snicker from Sungchan and Jisoo.

“Ten, you’re not gathering intel without some additional backup,” Sungchan turned to Jennie and Lisa, “You guys got something for him?” Sungchan’s response caused Ten’s sisters to laugh as if it was a joke.

“We got into this shit because of him and his powers- we have more than enough,” Lisa replied between giggles.

“We’ll head to the surface tonight then,” Taeyong nodded. 

“Until they get back, we should keep monitoring the cameras around the mayoral house,” you thought aloud.

“Oh my god please no more monitoring days!” Rosé groaned, causing half of you to look at her in confusion.

“What’s a monitoring day?” Taeil asked, voicing your own thoughts.

“It’s how we’d split up watching you all when you were captive, but y/n’s right,” Sungchan placed a hand under his chin as he was thinking. “We had those on night watch checking the cameras, but it should be monitored 24 hours a day.”

After crouching over a sheet of paper, Sungchan quickly drafted up shifts and times for monitoring the cameras. There was a particular thrill in you- not from excitement, but more so that this felt right- being able to speak and actually help in formulating a plan, this was part of who you were, this you were sure of. 

“How did you get your powers back?” Shohei whispered to you as Sungchan bickered with Renjun about getting a specific time of the day.

You shrugged. “I don’t know… I was just really angry and it… happened.”

“It just happened,” he repeated, glaring down at his feet. “All I know is that it has something to do with my voice.”

“That’s all I know too… maybe you’re like a siren or something,” you joked, and when he went to smile a look of realization hit him. You tilted your head, confused.

“That was my vigilante name,” he nodded, the memories seeming to swim around in his mind now.

“The Canvas and Siren, I wonder what everyone else's was,” you thought aloud. “If your name was Siren, does that mean you sing to activate your powers?”

“I guess,” he grumbled, not seeming fully satisfied. His high notes can kill! They can kill! You glanced down at your shoulder, the spider Sungchan brought you, seeming to return now with a full belly.

“How do you know?” You asked it, ignoring the surprise in Shohei’s face. We all know! He even knocks out the insects around him- it makes eating easy. You looked back at Shohei, suspicious if you should even tell him. There was a reason none of the family members here shared the information- so you pressed your lips tightly together.

“It’ll come to you soon,” was all you could reply with before turning back to the group.

The next two days held more weight- with a schedule of when everyone needed to take night watch or monitor the mayor’s house, the time in between was used wisely. After Lisa and Jennie cried over their brother being put into danger, they dragged you and Jaemin to the work room to take your measurements. It seems that they had been working on different pieces to enhance both of your powers, and were ready to throw themselves into completing them while their brother was gone. You took to practicing your own powers, also allowing your memories to surface more and more as each minute passed.

---

Sungchan wanted to take you on a date.

He was getting to know you again, except this time you and several people were stuck together underground. Before, the biggest obstacles were you only seeing him as a friend and not wanting him to be harmed by your life as a hero. It took Sungchan a ridiculous amount of time and courage to confess his romantic feelings toward you. But, now you knew he was in love with you. You had those memories- and hell, you seemed to reciprocate some feelings too.

So, Sungchan wondered, why was it so hard for him now?

The evening following your first night terror you sheepishly asked Sungchan to keep sharing a bed with you. It made his heart flutter when he went to climb to his sleeping bag on the top of the van and your hand shyly reached out to him. Every time you smiled at him or even made a joke he wanted to kiss every part of your face. It was becoming a slow burn for Sungchan- this was worse than before you two had gotten together the first time.

Before, when you weren’t romantically involved, he had no idea the whirlwind romance you two would have. He had no idea how wonderful it could be- he was just fantasizing before. Yet now, he did know what life was like with you. He loved it. His thoughts weren’t simply a fantasy anymore, they were real, tangible memories, and he so, so longed to kiss you and hold you just like how things were before your memories were stolen from you.

“Let me get this straight,” Jennie was stocking up the small storage space that acted as the third room in the underground, shooting Sungchan a humorous look, “you want me to make sure that no one else knows that you two are in here so you can take your fiancé on a first date?”

“It sounds dumb when you say it like that,” Sungchan lifted a palette of canned food, placing it on a high shelf that was barely out of Jennie’s grasp.

“Because it is,” she sighed, “It’s also very sweet,” Jennie admitted as she crossed her arms. “Is now really the time to be doing that though?”

Sungchan shot her a knowing look. “I could ask you the same thing. Rosé was very quick to get me out of there during our night duty a few days ago.”

At this Jennie’s cheeks turned red and she frowned. “T-that’s not true! And, well, you have memories with y/n,” she turned around, lifting her clipboard as she mindlessly glanced over the inventory list. “We were always too scared of our feelings, but being down here…” her voice trailed off.

“Cover my date and I’ll cover yours?” Sungchan extended his hand then, and Jennie glared at it for a moment, pinching her lips as she thought it over.

“You have to get Renjun to bake that pasta for us.”

“Fine.”

“Deal,” Jennie shook his hand, smiling as she did so.

---

“It should allow you to store the web fluids and grab on to them easier,” Lisa explained to you, tightening the brace on your wrist. “We made you one ages ago, but when you were captive I worked on perfecting it.”

She connected the rubbered tips of the brace to each of your fingers, and after she secured it fully she took a step back, smiling. “I named this device mouse.”

“Why?” you asked, flexing and relaxing your hand so you could get used to the feeling of the brace.

“The first prototype was called rat, but this one feels cuter and sleeker. So, mouse,” she shrugged.

“Ten said you were an artist, how did you get into weaponry creation and design?” it was a question you had been wanting to ask both Lisa and Jennie.

“I make sculptures on the side, but my full time job was a mechanical engineer,” she said this casually as she took out the screwdriver from her toolbelt. “I learned how to actually build things from watching Jennie, but normally I just create the plans. Mechanical engineers aren’t usually known for their building abilities.”

“That’s an impressive resumé,” you whistled, meaning it. “How is it that everyone here has some amazing job backgrounds?”

She shrugged. “I know Doyoung and Rosé are in medicine because of Jisoo. She was always getting injured growing up,” Lisa hummed, furrowing her brow and pausing as she adjusted the screwdriver to tighten a bolt on your brace. “It all just sort of worked out, I guess.”

“Yeah,” you muttered, going quiet as she finished tightening the last bolt.

“Perfect,” she smiled in satisfaction, placing the screwdriver back into her tool belt. She carefully undid the brace from your wrist and fingers, placing it back onto the workbench. “When you’re feeling up to it again, feel free to grab it and let me know how it works. I know you’ve been practicing all day and are pretty webbed-out.”

“Thanks. For everything.”

“Happy to help- hey, could you have Jaemin head in here a few minutes early? I know he has to watch the Mayoral building soon with Renjun so I wanted to do some final touches to his equipment beforehand.”

“No problem,” you nodded. Closing the door and the row of locks behind you, you started the short trek down the sewers towards the garage, the only sound for a moment being your sneakers hitting the cement.

Help. Help. She wants help!

The tiny skitterings of the spiders echoed in the tunnel, and you paused in your journey to survey the small crowd of them that decided to come out and greet you.

“What makes you say that?” you whispered to them, not wanting to speak too loudly in the sewer. You had been assured numerous times that where you all were located was out of bounds from civilization enough that speaking up wouldn’t matter, but you didn’t want to push it.

We feel it. We feel it! You noticed how odd it was in their groupings they spoke collectively. Your small spider that Sungchan gave you (you should see about its name at this point), spoke in full sentences and was even developing a personality.

You furrowed your brows and knelt down to be closer to the group. “Could you guys do me a favor?” you asked sweetly, curious to see their reaction. There seemed to be a small hum from the group of arachnids, before a small cheer erupted, and you took it as your sign to continue. “I’m going to need you guys to gather information for me.”

Spying! Spying! She wants us to spy!

“Capsik. Can you follow him and the people closest to him?”

Capsik… Capsik… there was a low grumble amongst the spiders. He kills all spiders near him.

“Of course he does,” you huffed. You should have known- especially when there were no spiders even in the asylum. “Can you then stay close to Taeyong and Ten? Tell me if something goes wrong with them?”

Another soft grumble and then, we’ll stay as close as possible.

“Try not to be all together all the time, don’t wanna draw suspicion,” you chuckled. No worries. We help! We help! “Thank you,” and with that, the crowd skittered away from you, chattering amongst themselves,

Jaemin was releasing and unreleasing electricity from one hand to another, listening politely to a story Yangyang was telling him about eating hotpot when you arrived.

“Jaemin, Lisa’s asking you to come in early to the work room,” you called to him.

“Man, I was getting to the good part,” Yangyang grumbled.

“For what?” Jaemin asked, a flash of electricity sitting between his hands.

You shrugged. “She said it was to take some final measurements. She just finished with mine.”

Moving past where they sat in the center, you saw Sungchan sitting on the top of your van. With a sandwich between his teeth, he was typing away on a laptop as Shohei talked his ear off. It seemed Shohei was making up for lost time, and was making sure to speak as much as he could whenever possible- not that you minded.

“... best one of the series,” you heard the tail end of Shohei’s speech, climbing onto the van as Sungchan grabbed for the sandwich with one hand to take a bite, tightening his grip on the laptop.

“Are you talking about-?”

“Transformers: Dark of the Moon? Yep,” Sungchan answered your question between bites, smiling as he watched you sit next to him.

“You know we can watch other movies now, right? Kun has a DVD collection he saved for us.”

Shohei huffed, crossed his arms and grumbled, “I watched the other Transformers movies already.”

“If I have to see Shia LaBeouf���s face again I think I will actually lose my mind,” you chuckled.

Without missing a beat, Sungchan spoke, “you haven't had that in ages.”

You feigned an offended gasp as Shohei laughed loudly, shoving Sungchan’s arm lightly as the latter smiled. 

“I don’t think anyone here has their mind anymore,” you sighed. Sungchan took this small cue to finish his sandwich, glancing between you and his computer screen.

“Oh, have any more memories come back?” Shohei asked casually, leaning back on his forearms.

“No… just one of me talking to a few of Capsik’s former captives one time, but nothing groundbreaking,” you sighed. You glanced down, seeing that Sungchan was combing through footage of you all at the asylum with a notes app open with random dates and times typed up. “What are you up to?”

Sungchan perked up, his eyes widening as if he was a deer caught in headlights. “Oh! Well, I’m seeing which of Capsik’s close confidantes passed by while you were in the asylum. I’m keeping track of the clearest images I can get of them.”

“Why?” 

“Well,” Sungchan furrowed his eyebrows, “I need to send these pictures of Capsik’s guys to Taeyong and Ten. Taeyong is going to an internet cafe to check a burner email so I need him to get it sent by then.”

Nodding, you looked over his shoulder, “that’s the head psychologist.”

Sungchan laughed dryly. “That’s not a psychologist, that’s Capsik’s accountant.”

“Why would he trust his accountant in there to torture us?” Shohei asked, frowning as he glared at the screen.

“He’s the only one he trusted who could also appear straightlaced? That’s my theory, anyway.”

Quietly, you watched Sungchan work. You watched as the wrinkle between his eyebrows furrowed while he finished gathering the images for his brother, clicking quickly through different screens. Swiftly, he sent the photos, sighing in satisfaction as he safely closed the computer.

“That was boring,” Shohei got up from the van. You rolled your eyes, shaking your head as Shohei sauntered off to speak to Kun.

“I thought it was cool,” you smiled, brushing your arm against Sungchan’s.

“You don’t have to lie to me,” he laughed softly, his eyes meeting yours as he put the laptop to the side.

“I’m not!” you swore, raising your right hand up, “I swear!”

“Sure sure,” Sungchan chuckled, smiling at you. You noticed the small amount of mustard from his sandwich on the corner of his mouth, and you instinctively raised your hand, swiping your thumb to remove the leftover mustard. Pause. Another memory flooded your brain.

This time, Sungchan was holding and caressing your cheek, swiping away at the tears that had trickled down your cheeks.

“The files Taeyong acquired… It proves it. Capsik, he…” your voice trailed off, your sobs making it difficult to discern what you were saying but Sungchan did his best.

“What did Capsik do?” he asked. He was visibly trying to stay calm, and despite the tears blurring your vision, it was easy to tell that he wanted to understand what you were struggling to say.

“H-he hired a driver to knock my Mom’s car off the road. It was right after the first time we refused to work for him.”

You moved your hand quickly from Sungchan now, staring at him wide eyed and in shock.

“Are you all right?” he asked, his eyes studying you.

“You lied. You said she lost control of her car,” you whispered. Sungchan’s mouth hung agape as he tried to figure out what exactly he should tell you.

“I thought… that was a memory that needed to come to you. On your own,” he admitted. His bottom lip trembled. You sighed, and nodded. It must have been one of the other burdens you accidentally placed on him, there was no way it was easy for him to hang onto this.

“I have to kill him,” it was a matter of fact that escaped your lips, and Sungchan’s own eyes widened.

“What?” it came out blunt.

“Maybe the version of me you knew before thought it was wrong,” you hummed, looking out and towards Shohei who was playing hopscotch with Kun now, “but this version me has been robbed of her memories. Me killing him despite the anger I feel… It's a kindness. Because if I could have it my real way, it would be much worse,” you spoke through gritted teeth. 

Sungchan placed a hand on your shoulder. “I’ll help you, no matter what.” Turning your head, you met his eyes. Every memory you had began accumulating with Sungchan, his doe eyes always looked at you as if you were the most important being in the world. His hand holding your shoulder, the way he seemed ready to always be there for you, and the look in his eyes made a heat rise in your cheeks.

Report! Report! I’ve come to report!

The small voice forced you to break eye contact with Sungchan, and after clearing your throat, you stared down next to where you sat on the van. A small spider crawled its way next to you two, seeming to bounce up and down in excitement.

“Everything okay?” you asked it, picking it up into the palm of your hand.

Yes! All is well! Taeyong and Ten have gone to rest for the night after visiting an internet cafe! The spider then turned its body around towards Sungchan, who smiled at the arachnid. 

“Aw, what’s this one's name?” he asked, his hand which dwarfed yours reached out to meet your own, the spider crawling onto his hand of its own volition. Pauk!

“Um… they said Pauk,” you watched with wide eyes as the spider happily crawled from Sungchan’s hand onto his shoulder. “Pauk says that your brother and Ten went to rest for the night after they visited the café.”

“Ah! Well, thank you Pauk,” Sungchan’s smile was wide as he looked between you and the spider. Happy to be of service to Dihncara and her partner! And with that, the spider bounced off of Sungchan’s shoulder, jumping off the van and away from the two of you.

“Dihncara? Who's Dihncara?” you asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“That’s you,” Sungchan simpered.

“Huh? No it’s not.”

“It’s Arachnid backwards… you liked it when I first suggested it,” he sighed, leaning back on his forearms now.

“You want your superhero name to be Dihncara?” Ten’s eyes peered back at you over the notebook he was writing in. You nodded. You would all be conducting your first press conference tomorrow to formally introduce yourselves to the city after saving the mayor’s life, and you needed an actual hero name. “Spider person” would only get you so far.

“Yes,” you affirmed. 

“I can’t believe you helped me come up with my superhero name,” you scoffed.

“I was there through it all.”

“That’s cheesy,” you lightly shoved his arm, trying to stop the smile from spreading on your lips.

“That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me,” he joked, putting a hand on his chest to feign honor.

There was a feeling the more you spoke to Sungchan. It was difficult to articulate, but after dinner that night and laying in the van with him, you determined what it was: warm. Everything about Sungchan was warm. The way his cheeks crinkled his eyes when he laughed really hard, the way he lovingly helped everyone, the way he held you at night. The cold feeling in your chest melted when you were around him.

“You seem lost in thought,” he breathed, tilting his head your way as he watched you stare at the roof of the van that night.

“In my memories you slept without a shirt,” you spoke quickly, looking to your right to see the t-shirt clinging to his chest.

“That was not what you were thinking about,” he rolled his eyes, his smile gleaming. “But, if it bothers you I can very easily sleep without it.”

“Only if you want to.”

“Hm, what do you want?” he asked, propping his head onto his hand, now staring down at you.

“I want for you to just feel… comfortable,” you felt good settling on those words. Sungchan’s free hand moved and gently pinched your cheek, earning an annoyed sound from you.

“You’re just so cute,” he defended, tucking a loose strand of your hair behind your ear. He had to know what he was doing to you- there was no way he couldn’t know that speaking that way to you and also being gentle would cause you to blush again.

“I resent being called cute,” you huffed, turning your face away from him.

“Yeah, right,” he teased, moving to flick the lights off and surround you both in darkness.

CONTINUE? —> CHAPTER SIX

[aphrostarot]

What is Going on in Your Connection

What is happening in the connection between you and the person you are thinking of?

Please remember that this is a general reading and some things may not apply to you. Don't force it to fit. I offer paid readings on my page if you would like a personal reading. Prices are listed there. Please message me if you are interested!

Pile One (Rose Quartz):

Person A (Could be you or them)

For the sake of simplicity, I will be calling you partner A but you may resonate with partner two, and if that’s the case you will need to swap out the yous and theys.

Who are you currently?

Five of Wands:

The energy I am getting here suggests that you and/or this person were in a competitive and jealous relationship in the past. It was not a healthy relationship at all, and it was very painful. This does not have to be romantic, it can also be platonic.

Eight of Cups:

Right now, you're leaving that in the past. Healing from that relationship. You are managing to get through it, no matter how much it hurts, which demonstrates your strength and willpower. Even so, you're still in the process of healing from that relationship.

What are your thoughts on the connection?

Three of Cups:

You find this person very interesting, funny, and great partner material. Their presence would not bother you at all, as you want to spend time with them. You think you two are a perfect match. You want to go to parties with them. It is important to you that they meet your family and friends because you believe that they will get along well with them.

Oracle:

Feast:

It's important to slow down and acknowledge how far you've come. Don't forget to celebrate yourself and what deserves celebrating. If you don't slow down and recognize how far you have come, you will make your life far worse than it needs to be. Your guides are telling you to slow down, you need to listen to them.

Person B (Could be you or them)

Who are they currently?

The World:

The two of you seem to be mirroring each other. Following a period of completion, you are both ready to begin a new chapter of your lives.

Page of Cups:

After having gone through that phase of completion, now they are ready for a fresh take on life and love. They are trying to accomplish this. As a result, they are becoming more empathetic, romantic, and childish. It is as if they are looking through rose-colored glasses more often.

What are their thoughts on the connection?

Nine of Pentacles:

It is their dream to marry you. They want a very traditional relationship in which they are the provider. Taking care of you is important to them. They see you as the product of all their hard work.

Seven of Pentacles:

Although they are not in the position to be in a relationship right now, this card shows that their love for you will develop over time. They are willing to wait for you to come into their lives. If they are already in your life, this shows that they are willing to wait for this period in your relationship to end, they are willing to wait for you.

Oracle:

Mural:

This person’s guides are telling them to make sure they are their own first priority. For a long time, they have put everyone else before themselves, but now it's time for them to put on their own oxygen masks before focusing on everyone else. Currently, they are focusing on themselves, making sure they are okay.

The Connection

What is happening behind the scenes of the connection?

Knight of Wands:

Both of your guides are working endlessly to bring the two of you together, to make the two of you work. A lot of fast movement is taking place behind the scenes of this connection. Both of you are unaware of this, but your guides are working tirelessly to bring you together.

Six of Cups:

This is a soulmate card. As soulmates, your guides recognize that you two are being pulled together. Your souls are aligned, and you are being guided to each other. If you have the feeling that they are your soulmate, but don't believe it, this is the guide's way of telling you that you are right, this is your soulmate.

Six of Pentacles:

Your guides are putting a lot of people in your lives to help the both of you come together. They are being very generous with the two of you, they want you two to be together and they are giving both of you their best effort to make this work.

Oracle:

Thorns:

In this card, you are putting your own crown on every single day and then focusing on everyone else. Currently, both of you are concentrating on yourself so that when you two get together, you will be able to help others since you helped yourselves first.

Pile Two (Fuchsite):

Person A (Could be you or them)

For the sake of simplicity, I will be calling you partner A but you may resonate with partner two, and if that’s the case you will need to swap out the yous and theys.

Who are you currently?

Knight of Wands:

Currently, you are feeling very enthusiastic about life. You have been moving very quickly and pushing through life with great excitement. The pedal is firmly on the floor, and you are speeding towards your dreams.

King of Pentacles:

You dream of being on top, of becoming a leader in your field, of being someone that everyone looks up to. You are racing towards this goal. You want to be successful and financially stable and that is coming in.

What are your thoughts on the connection?

King of Cups:

The King of Cups is very romantic and very empathic. You are devoted to this person and want only the best for them. You believe this person could be the one for you, the one you would like to marry and spend the rest of your life with.

The Moon:

Since you are such a romantic you feel like you are not viewing this connection correctly. Part of you thinks that it is too good to be true and that you don’t view this correctly. You feel like this is another situation like you have been in the past.

Oracle:

Potion:

You understand the importance of self-care and what it means to practice it. However, there has been a lapse in your own self-care for some time, and your guides are telling you that right now, you need to take care of yourself. As soon as you do this it will help this person to come into your life.

Person B (Could be you or them)

Who are they currently?

Two of Swords:

They had been in a stalemate in their life and it was really hard for them. They needed to make a decision and they didn’t which caused them to live in this stalemate. They had people in their life who caused more harm than good and they knew that they needed to do something about it but they chose to turn a blind eye. Resulting in a stalemate.

Three of Cups:

Having this card come out too is showing me that they are no longer in that stalemate or they are just about to come out the other side. They're celebrating and they're very happy. They are happier than they have been in a long time. They have regained their footing or they are about to. They however are still on a healing journey.

What are their thoughts on the connection?

Four of Swords:

Currently, they are not ready to start a relationship yet because they are in a rest period. After getting out of the rough patch, they are trying to regain their strength. For a while, they want to heal and be alone.

Page of Swords:

They are interested in you, they can feel your energy and your presence and this makes them want a relationship with you. They have considered it. However, the things they have gone through in their life are holding them back from actually pursuing this relationship.

Oracle:

Castle:

This is the card of healing. This person is going through a period of healing themselves. This is all that they are focused on currently. Their guides are pushing them to maintain on this path, to heal so that they can be ready for a relationship.

The Connection

What is happening behind the scenes of the connection?

The Hierophant:

As this card represents tradition and marriage, it is telling me that you and this person will eventually get married. Both of your guides are pushing you to get to this point together. As this card also represents slowness, it also tells me that it will take some time, but that it will happen in the end.

Knight of Cups:

The romance card represents a relationship filled with devotion and passion. Both of your guides are bringing this to you. You two will be together one day you just have to be optimistic.

The Emperor:

In both of your lives, your guides have been elevated to a leadership position. The two of you are being led towards each other. They are helping mold you both into the people you are meant to be at the time of your relationship.

Oracle:

Flower:

The two of you may struggle to be honest with yourselves and your guides are saying that while you are together you will be more willing to be honest with yourselves. During this relationship, you will be more optimistic and aware.

Pile Three (Amethyst):

Person A (Could be you or them)

For the sake of simplicity, I will be calling you partner A but you may resonate with partner two, and if that’s the case you will need to swap out the yous and theys.

Who are you currently?

Four of Wands:

After a period of instability, your life has been very stable. You are ready to settle down, start a family, and plant roots. Create something of your own after living a life where you haven’t been able to plant your own roots.

The World:

The World is showing that you have reached an ending in your life. With the Four of Wands, it is telling me that the ending is in instability. You have found stability for the first time in a long time, and this has given you the chance to reassess what you want out of life.

What are your thoughts on the connection?

Knight of Pentacles:

Seeing as though this is the card of patience, this is showing me that you are willing to wait for this relationship. This person feels like they could be the one and you know that you do not want to rush into anything so, you are willing to take it slow and wait.

Ace of Pentacles:

You feel all warm and fuzzy when you think of this person; they make you very happy. As I mentioned before, you think that they are the one for you and you want to build a foundation with them. This card also suggests that you are willing to take things slow and wait as long as it takes. If you are already in this relationship, this is telling me that you are waiting for this person to propose. You want a ring.

Oracle:

Castle:

Taking the path of healing, and following your intuition, is the message of this card. Your guides are saying that you have taken the time to heal yourself in the recent past. You have focused on yourself and have listened to your intuition, which has told you that you needed some time alone to heal. And now that you are on the outside, you are ready to spend time with someone other than yourself.

Person B (Could be you or them)

Who are they currently?

Seven of Cups:

They are being faced with a choice. They have things going on in their life and have many options to get out of it but they are having trouble making that decision.

Seven of Swords:

This decision may have something to do with a betrayal of some sort. To me, it feels like they are dealing with a toxic ex or a toxic friend. Something that caused them a lot of pain. The reason they are struggling with this decision is that this person has a soft spot in their heart and they don’t know how to let them go.

What are their thoughts on the connection?

Three of Cups:

They want to spend time with you, they think that you are very funny and interesting, they want to spend time with you. They definitely are interested in you and have thought about being in a relationship with you.

Page of Wands:

They think you're cool and that you're fun to be around. This is another card showing that they have definitely thought about being in a relationship with you. If you are worried that they think you are crazy, this is not the case, they definitely think you are cool.

Oracle:

Lighthouse:

They are in a period of life where they feel like they are the only one who has their back. They have gone through that heartache and this has made them feel very abandoned and alone. Their guides are saying that they need this period of alone time to focus on themselves so they can heal and be whole again.

The Connection

What is happening behind the scenes of the connection?

High Priestess:

Your guides do not want you to know what is happening in this connection yet. All they are willing to tell you with this card is that what is meant for you, will never pass you up. Your guides are there to help guide you to what is meant for you, so, your guides are helping to guide you to this person.

Nine of Pentacles:

Your guides are leading the two of you together. Though, they want you to know that this will take some time. Your relationship with this person will be very traditional and you will have a lot in common. You will be attached at the hip. They want you to make sure that you have friends, hobbies, and other things outside of this relationship because you may end up lost in a bubble with them.

Knight of Wands:

Your guides want you to know that they are working hard to bring you together in the future. You two are not yet fully prepared for this relationship, your guides say. This is why it will take some time before the two of you get together. Before you get together, you need to focus on yourselves. According to your guides, this is the best course of action.

Oracle:

Universe:

In this relationship, you will learn that you are a mere speck in the galaxy of the universe, that you are not alone, and that you have an important role to play in your own world. In your individual worlds, you will accomplish a lot even if it does not have an effect on the whole universe. Your guides assure you that it is still very important.

Though tips are not required, they are very much appreciated. Thank you! Venmo: @ aphrostarot

Paypal: paypal/aphrostarot

[franki-lew-yo]

The Romantic (2009, R, Gothic Fantasy/Horror), aka the most forgotten animated film in the world

What if I told you there was a movie under serious threat of becoming lost media with no clear reason as to WHY it's been lost other than no one has apparently watched it besides me and a few people on Reddit? What if I told you that movie wasn't half bad and would no doubt have some interest peeked if anyone DID know about it?

The name of that movie is The Romantic.

It was released in 2009 and it's Rated R for nudity and sex scenes [insert Robbie Rotten meme here], though none of it too graphic. It was a pet project created by animator Michael P. Heneghan, originally starting as a flash project for his animation class before he expanded it into a feature film. The film was inspired by movies such as The Dark Crystal and Labyrinth, but what I see every time I look at it is a touch of Jhonen Vasquez, Tim Burton, and Roman Dirge- the guy behind Lenore the Cute Little Dead Girl. It's flash animation especially remind me of the puppet-rigged toons of the 2000s (again like Salad Fingers or Lenore). It's not bad, it's just not inherently 'feature film' quality flash, nor is it exceptionally artistic like Sita Sings the Blues in it's simplicity. Like, really, if you happen to find this thing it's not the worst animated project at all it's just amateur for a professional production. I've seen worse flash movies. Heck, if The Romantic were released in separate parts on youtube or Newgrounds as a series (ala Homestuck) I'm sure it would have been really successful and totally in it's element. But it wasn't.

Because next to no one has seen it and I'm lucky to have not only ever seen it when it was available for free but have also found it recently (hush hush, I ain't telling you how) I'm going to actually give you all a plot synopsis under the cut. There will be some details I leave out and I think I've spelled some characters names wrong. It's a bit of a surrealist film as well, so you might need some things explained.

Spoilers ahead:

The Romantic is set in an autumnal, surrealist world inhabited by humans and monsters and ruled by three gods; Po the goddess of love; Pik the god of Hate; and Pjorrc the god of time though Pjorrc was made to live inside a pumpkin moon as everything he touched rabidly aged and died.

((Tapestry art featuring the main three gods of the film.))

A young man (called “Romance” or “The Romantic” by the other characters) performs a bull sacrifice in order to summon Abbledepopa, the unseen creator of the other gods and ‘storyteller’ of the world. The sacrifice does not conjure Abbledepopa but, when Romance spares a monster that was ready to eat him, the monster tells him of a profit named Patience. Patience is a foul-mouthed dwarf living alone with an army of babies who points Romance in the direction of Po.

((Romance outside of Patience's house.))

Romance wants the god’s help because he has fallen out of love with his girlfriend. Po grants him his desire and restores his love only for Romance to return home and find his girlfriend with another man. Blinded by heartache and rage, Romance kills her. He then swears vengeance on the gods for ‘making’ him do it. In the midst of this vow, a corrupt prophet called Fat Daddy kills the queen of Vauxhaul (Romance's home) and her guards, and forges a new body for his newborn son with their bodies. Fat Daddy rallies the townsfolk behind him in supposedly finding the Queen’s murder into follow a new religion called "The Poetic End".

((Romance (right) besides the monster he spared at the beginning of the movie.))

Patience accompanies Romance on his quest and tells him to take Po’s mask, which hides her true face, once he kills her. Romance buys Po’s trust by weaving her a tapestry that tells her story: in the dawn of time Po and Pjorrc were in love. However, Pjorrc gradually became distant and Po became resentful when their daughter, Love, earned Po's original title as the god of romance and love.

In the present day, Romance sleeps with Po for over a year before finally killing her and taking her mask. He and Patience return to his home of Vauxhul only to be chased out by Fat Daddy’s personal army. They flee to Marshallton, the town nearest to the god Pik.

((Romance's hometown of Vauxhul. ))

The king of Marshallton, King Crookie, tells Romance of a prophecy he, Patience, Fat Daddy and all the gods are a part of and that the world is soon to change. Romance then fights and successfully kills Pik when he shows the god of hate his reflection in a mirror King Crookie gave him, but not before losing his hand to Pik.

When Romance comes down the mountain he learns from Patience that nine years have passed since his fight with Pik began. Patience reveals to Romance what Pik saw in the mirror that allowed Romance to take the killing blow; after Love had grown up and married, Po asked Pik to tell her where her husband was always running off to. Pik reluctantly revealed Pjorrc was disguising himself as a human and married a mortal woman. Po found Pjorrc and his pregnant second wife, forcing Pjorrc to leave his human family behind, but not before asking his wife to name their son “Patience”. In retaliation for his treachery, Po proceeded to sleep with fifty men and produce the fifty bastard children in Patience’s house.

((Fat Daddy, the main villain.))

Marshallton and the entire rest of the world has fallen to the rule of Fat Daddy, who captures Romance and Patience. Fat Daddy tortures Patience into telling him how to get to Pjorrc but is unable to convince Romance to take part in his ‘new world’ or give him Po’s mask. Romance and Patience escape and leave the village to be torn apart by the fifty babies Po had, now transformed into veracious monsters after Patience didn’t feed them for the past ten years. Romance confronts Patience when he realizes the latter is Pjorrc’s son. Patience calls Romance out on his mantra of vengeance and points out that all his decisions are his own, not the gods, and instructs him to seek Love herself in Po’s basement. Patience then attempts to confront Pjorrc but is cornered and killed by Fat Daddy before he can do so.

In Po’s basement, Romance finds Love nailed to a wall, her face torn off and half eaten by her deformed husband. Love tells Romance that Po ripped off her daughter’s face in rage over Pjorrc’s infidelity and Pjorrc did not intervene fast enough. Po then threw Love into her basement, turned Love’s husband into a monster, and wore her daughter’s face as a mask - which Romance had broken into pieces moments ago after Patience had shown him his face in King Crookie’s mirror. Romance then finds Pjorrc hanging himself. As he dies, Pjorrc tells Romance to take the hand Fat Daddy had cut off and sew it onto himself, which will in turn help Romance defeat Abbledepopa.

Romance traverses the wasteland and does not find Abbledepopa, but instead a golden loom. Having seen all the destruction he and others had caused, Romance sits upon the loom and accepts his fate as the new ‘storyteller’ of the world, as he begins weaving a new one...

---

I mentioned before the animation quality of the film and why maybe that caused people to overlook it. The only other thing I could complain about on a technical level with The Romantic is it's sound design. Some of the voices and music is a little too quiet and so all these key details I had to go through the film a few times to really piece together. But that leads me to the thing I like about this movie and I'm sure others would to: the lore.

It's very hard to create a new fantasy world w it's own customs, religions, history and rules out of the blue as any YA Harry Potter/Hunger Games ripoff book could tell you. The Romantic is so unique in how it handles the pantheon and culture of these three gods and their kin; really only four or five characters throughout the entire story aren't connected to the gods or prophecy in some way, as there's the main three gods, Abbeldepappa, and the prophets Patience, Love and Fat Daddy, who make up your main cast besides Romance. There's a lot that's intentionally left unexplained and other info that must be explained, like Pjorrc and Po's marriage and Romance's feelings towards the gods, if we want to understand the former. The movie is paced pretty well and knows when to follow up on what, it's just that again some of those animation and editting shortcomings might make it hard to understand...but I don't think THAT hard. Look, if someone can enjoy Starchaser: The Legend of Orin or even better surrealist world-building films ((Fantastic Planet comes to mind)), then I say there's no reason The Romantic wouldn't have a following. There's no other way I can articulate why and what doesn't work about the story except just to recommend you watch it yourselves, but before I get into that I want to talk themes...because I love the themes and tone of The Romantic.

I revisited The Romantic a week before I made myself watch Centaurworld and The Owl House for the first time...and what a week that was~! The Romantic has the vibe of those kinds of shows along with Adventure Time and Infinity Train ((so I hear, I haven't watched the latter)). It's surreal and you'll only marvel at 'woooah wut an acid trip' for so long before you get into the vibe of the universe. It also reminded me substantially of the Broadway musical Hadestown and not just because this movie is also a self-contained, somewhat self aware fable about the relationships between humans and gods - it's very raw in how the characters talk. It's very emotional and blunt in how kind and how cruel they can be, and it doesn't make excuses or really worships any one of them. Romance himself is the world's most likable Incel: he murders a woman he thought he needed to love and blames his emotions on the gods of those passions...except the gods AREN'T the manifestations of love, time, and hate - they simply dictate and oversee it in the lives of men. It's a dynamic I really like in religious works where Gods are powerful but not all knowing or puppet masters to everyone's design- they have morality too and there is only so much you can blame and get from them.

"You made your gods into excuses and your excuses into gods!"

-Patience. This here is a cool quote. I like this quote.

No matter what, The Romantic is not gonna be a film for everyone. We all have our tastes - I think I'm drawn to it and accepting because I've come to love these kind of worlds that used to keep me up at night - these trippy 70s inspired fantasy landscapes given a whole Avatar: The Last Airbender degree of worldbuilding and character worth. It also doesn't feel exploitive in it's violence, it's sexuality, it's grimmness - it doesn't feel like it's trying to hard or going over the top because it happens to be an adult animated film, something that I love in movies like 9 or Hair High but really turns me off in stuff like Sausage Party or Wizards. Whatever go watch The Romantic...

if you can.

-----

When I first saw this film in 2016 it was actually very accessible and was even uploaded to youtube by the creator himself. I don't know WHAT happened to Michael P. Heneghan, but simply put, the man's disappeared...like...REALLY disappeared.

Lookit his IMDB. He has The Romantic and a wapping two other projects to his name. His Twitter isn't very helpful either. He last updated in early 2020 and he says next to nothing about The Romantic. It's so odd that he would one day be happy with the film enough to host it on Vimeo and Youtube but then just cop out.

According to a Reddit user: "On Valentines Day 2011, Heneghan released the film for free online through all kinds of platforms including direct download, bittorrent, Vimeo, and even directly through Archive.org. He even joked about releasing a 300 gig uncompressed version.

I know I watched it on Vimeo probably as recently as 2016. Now I can't find it anywhere. The website is dead, the Vimeo video went private, even the archive.org version has been taken down. It really looks like he wanted to wipe it off the face of the internet. His newer website mentions it, but again, the Vimeo link is dead and even that website is closed for business."

It's weeeird. What happened Michael?

And yes, obviously, other people worked on the movie.

No - I can't find out anything about them either.

I'm betting on three theories at the moment: 1) this film is an SCP or some Candle Cove weirdness with only me and a handful of people ANYWHERE remembering it, 2) something weird is going on w Michael Heneghan and it involves too something about this film. It was a scam or a scheme or a hidden agenda weirdness, 3) Heneghan's doing okay he just doesn't like this film anymore and wants it hidden while he takes a break.

Look, I get it Michael! What was once our life's worth can become cringe as you improve as an artist - you're not the person making the stuff you were ten years ago...but you should still have the film kept alive somehow. Someway.

I'm seriously the only person to have ever made fan art of this movie on the internet. That just doesn't happen, and I don't think I like being in a fandom of one. The Romantic is a testament to the power of design and storytelling > animation quality itself. Too often I see people equate good animation with smooth animation, with a budget with squash and stretch. These animations are good but art is diverse and there's so many kinds of films out there, the value of the medium can't just be in one style/form. There's a lot of honestly wonderful pieces of art out there if you know where to look and you're willing to see where it leads you.

Don't let The Romantic be the most forgotten movie of all time. Reblog this post. Show it to your friends. PM the animation community reviewer people like Saberspark and someone who isn't Saberspark and smuggle them a copy.

Keep telling the story...

[winepresswrath]

With the caveat that I changed my mind three separate times while making this list and undoubtedly changed it again the second I hit post:

Number Three: Baby Grape’s First Sect Leader Robes

This outfit is trying very hard to say “trust me. I am a very mature and adult sect leader. You can tell because I’m decked out entirely in purple for the first time, like a grown up. Please disregard any and all memories you may be harbouring of me as a child in my brother’s company. I was probably wearing blue at the time.”

black on purple is v. fetching on him.

the gray pleats along the outer edges of that light purple outer robe are lovely; the pattern on his collar is lovely; his sidebang is doing excellent work.

I object to the asymmetrical leather flap coming off of his belt but I appreciate that he took the risk. 

I’m sure reusing costumes is a budget thing, but I think him wearing this set of robes all the way through the sunshot campaign makes sense for the character and I really like that. He’s rebuilding his clan in the middle of a warzone. He doesn’t have the money for an elaborate wardrobe full of fancy purple robes (yet), but he needs one nice set so he can look the part.

He has not yet fully come into his own as a fashion icon, but he’s not afraid to play with texture and he’s got an excellent eye for drama.

Numbers Two and Two and a Half: Audacity

You know those three years when every single red carpet was mostly boring, tasteful looks because all the minor celebrities who can usually be counted on to get weird were afraid to end up on Go Fug Yourself? Jiang Cheng’s fashion philosophy is the antithesis of that. It’s like he channels all his risk taking impulses into epaulets. There are two outfits in this section because I make the rules. Behold, shoulder pads that make the 1980s cry about their unrealized potential:

his feelings are hurt but his layering is flawless

if his eyes are closed he can’t see what Wei Wuxian is wearing

these are shoulder pads for smothering your sadness and abandonment issues in retail therapy and glory. They are magnificent. He looks like a fancy roof.

I’m not really into his big solid fuck off hairpiece, but I do think it compliments the relative simplicity of the middle robe very well.

Silver and gold together because he’s confident in this one area of his life.

I assume this costume was chosen to contrast the opulence of the Jiang siblings with Wen Ning and Wei Wuxian in their peasant robes, and it does its job nicely. Sect Leader Jiang has arrived.

It is possible that Jiang Cheng believed he was dressing down for the occasion because his middle robe is dark (for stealth).

Also in this category is this outfit, which is technically an honourable mention but still very good:

Jiang Cheng is wearing this when we meet him in the second life and he doesn’t change until after the burial mounds, I assume because Jin Ling keeps on running away and imperiling himself or getting kidnapped and it’s distracting. I like it because:

a) it visually echoes the Yunmeng Jiang uniform. Same basic shape, similar colour contrasts, that ribbon highlighting the neckline. It’s a very Jiang look despite not being very purple.

b) it is totally fucking bonkers. Look at the middle robe! Green and silver-purple splotches on the neckline, diamonds on the sleeves. Elaborate detailing on the front panels of the outer bodice and skirt. More panels with studs on the overcoat. There are like five different patterns on this thing if you count the elaborate weave. It’s all being set off by a bright purple under robe. Have I been blinded by his beauty or is he actually making this work? Jiang Cheng never bores me with his choices in fashion or life and that is why he is my favourite.

Number One: The Prettiest Sect Leader in all the Land

Bloodstain splotch accent optional.

The lacy fractals on his outer robe are probably my favourite costume detail in the whole show.

the way the middle robe and the under robe combine to make it look like he’s layered four separate collars is just very good.

more importantly, while I was going through getting screenshots for this, do you know what I noticed?

Jiang Cheng doesn’t change his outfit for almost the entire second life. He goes to the burial mounds in outfit 2.5: Advanced Pattern Mixing

He leaves the burial mounds in this cute little number

We see Sect Leader Yao get very insistent that everybody head back to Yunmeng asap, Jiang Cheng says “We’re just going to leave... like this???” and then makes an upset face as he hears Sizhui call for Wei Wuxian

The next time we see him, a significant period of time has clearly passed, people are boarding the boats in a leisurely and unhurried manner, and he has debuted a brand new outfit

Actually a lot of people have made significant wardrobe changes

Continuity error... or Jiang Cheng made the entire cultivating world wait to evacuate the burial mounds while he changed outfits because he has STANDARDS.

Sect Leaders Yao and Ouyang, eager to demonstrate that they too have standards, decide to change as well

If Wei Wuxian happened to catch up while everyone present is busy frantically searching through their magical pouches and pocket dimensions for spare robes, suddenly more afraid of Sect Leader Jiang banning them from the Ancient Magical Chinese Met Ball than fierce corpses, what of it? That’s not Jiang Cheng’s business.

Jiang Cheng’s business is fashion

with regards to your last question I’m a monster but i think he’d look really good in Wen red.

[helaintoloki]

Can I request "Giving them a tight hug that makes them lose their breath" with Number Five?

a/n: #49 taken from this prompt list

notes: I actually really love how this came out oh my goodness // warning that there’s some mention of blood and fighting

It’s a quiet evening in the library as you browse through the various selections of books and works on the shelves. Beside you stands Five, nose buried in a thousand page novel he had picked out twenty minutes ago, waiting quietly for you to find a book satisfactory to your needs so that you may both check them out and be on your merry way. He wants to stop at Griddy’s before he has to take you home, and despite his promise of patience, the soft tap of his foot against the carpet indicates that he’s anxious to leave. Normally when he showed signs of annoyance you’d take even longer just to spite him, but you didn’t feel like interrupting the peaceful day you’d been having, so you grabbed the nearest Dickinson novel and tugged at the sleeve of his uniform jacket to signal that you’re ready to go.

“About time,” he murmurs, allowing you no chance to retaliate as he shuts his book and briskly escorts you towards the front desk. There isn’t really a need to check them out, and if he’s being honest there really isn’t a need to go to the library, not when there’s a vast assortment of books back home for you both to choose from. But you like the simplicity and the sense of quiet adventure that comes with going to the library, and so Five follows suit. You understand each other, and it’s for that reason you both get along so well.

“Do you think the donuts will be fresh when we get there?” You ponder for the sake of conversation, but Five isn’t listening. His senses are on high alert and his eyes are narrowed at the dark figures watching you from across the room. He and his siblings had pissed off some people during their last mission, but Five had especially caused the most trouble for the wannabe mafia gang they’d defeated, and if he’s good at remembering faces, which he is, those same stooges are the ones now reaching into their coats and pulling out their rifles.

“Get down!” Five commands suddenly, and the sounds of gunfire has you crying out in fear and clutching onto the arm of your boyfriend as he yanks you both down into crouching positions and sprints towards the nearest exit. His first priority is keeping you safe, and as much as he’d like to just jump the two of you to safety, he needs to preserve his strength for the fight.

The exits are blocked off of course, there’s more men now than there had been on the mission, and Five resorts to yanking open the nearest supply closet door and shoving you inside. If it’s harsh he doesn’t mean it to be, he just has no time to be gentle with you right now.

“Stay in here and don’t come out until I come back for you,” he says sternly before quickly shutting you away and running off to disarm his opponents.

Your heart is racing and your body is trembling as you press yourself as far as you can into the corner of the closet, using a few buckets and bins to hide you away. Unlike Five there’s nothing special about you, you’re a regular citizen, so you’re not exactly accustomed to these kinds of situations. When the gunfire begins you tightly shut your eyes and slam your hands over your ears to block out the noise. A few tears manage to fall as you count to ten and pretend you’re somewhere far away and safe while your boyfriend saves the day.

Agonizingly long minutes go by until it’s silent again, your breath catching in your throat as you wait anxiously for any noise or movement. Is Five alright? Are the bad men gone? Should you get ready to run?

The door to the supply closet slowly creaks open, the light almost blinding after being in the dark for so long, and with bated breath you are slowly greeted with the disheveled sight of your boyfriend. A small sob leaves you as you quickly get back on your feet and rush towards him, choosing to ignore the blood that stains his face and his clothes as you throw your arms around him in the tightest hug Five has ever received. The impact of your embrace is strong enough to make him lose his breath, but nonetheless he winds his arms around you and holds your trembling form close as he transports you back into your bedroom.

There won’t be a trip to Griddy’s tonight, not after the night you’ve had. It’s times like these where Five feels guilty for being with you, no good can come out of being involved with him. But this isn’t about him right now, and so he’s quick to settle you in and wait on you hand and foot in any way he can. Only when you can stand to be alone for more than five minutes does he retreat to your bathroom to clean the mess he’s made of himself.

His eyes are tired and the dry blood coating his skin has begun to crack, and for the life of him he can’t seem to find any towel or rag to clean himself up. It’s only when you shuffle into the bathroom sniffling with a washcloth in hand that he seats himself on the edge of your bathtub and allows you to quietly wash the remnants of the night away. Love can be messy, but you don’t mind cleaning up the debris when it comes to Five.

[barricadebops]

For the prompts post, if it's possible to choose two, how about Fluff number 3 and Misc number 4 for Enjoltaire? And if not, you can choose the one you want. Also, your writing is amazing ❤

"Have you seen my hoodie?" "Nooooo..." "You're wearing it, aren't you?"/"Sharing is caring, now give me the hoodie!"

I split up the first prompt part in different places, I hope that's okay?

---------------------------------------------------

It started on a stormy day, hard rain and thunder crashing down upon the pavement, battering down on houses, the crack of lightning as if a whip across the sky, like Zeus's masterbolt, like how Grantaire had told him about, the--

Well, this much description was hardly necessary, really. But Enjolras supposed the thought was influenced by the constant poetic Jehan is constantly waxing. Forgive him for taking the time to listen to his friends.

But, for simplicity's sake, it started on a rainy day.

In foresight, it perhaps would have served better if Enjolras told Grantaire it would be raining on the day that he suggested they go out for a picnic, but the sparkle in his eyes had been too bright for Enjolras to break it to him. Besides, the weather forecast he listened to was wrong half the time (and honestly now that he considers it, he really should change which weather station he listens to.)

Unfortunately, this one time, the weather forecast had been correct, and right as they finished laying a blanket to sit upon, the first drops of rain that Enjolras had tried hard to ignore morphed into a battering of rain as the sky suddenly gave way to grey and thunder rumbled the ground.

From there it was a mad dash to the car, but even the little time spent in the car had them both soaked to the bone.

So much for a picnic.

And yet, as they got back to Grantaire's place and stumbled through the doorframe into his apartment, Grantaire was laughing brightly as the sun that they had hoped to see that day, and Enjolras simply couldn't find it in himself to be upset when hearing such a delightful sound. In the past, he had heard Grantaire chuckle bitterly or let out bursts of drunk laughs not appropriate for the moment, but this was one that warmed him from his chest down to the tips of his toes despite the chill of the rain soaking through to his skin.

Courfeyrac would likely say Enjolras' affections are blinding him. And they were, considering Grantaire's laughs were loud and gruff, hardly the stuff of dreamy sighs, but one in love remains impervious to such truths. Something Marius would likely say, but hey doesn't mean it's wrong. That Marius is a good fellow, Enjolras wondered if he can perhaps persuade Courfeyrac to bring him back to the Musain.

But at the current moment, he had just returned from a steaming shower and grimaced a little as he stared at the clothes a little. They would all dangle off of his lither, shorter form as compared to Grantaire's; it wasn't as if he wasn't used to it. Most of the clothes he's ever had to borrow in the past have been considerably bigger than him, but it was always just the slightest bit a hassle to have to roll up the sleeves and the legs of the pants so he doesn't go tripping and falling and breaking an arm (that last comment is a true story--just ask Combeferre. Or maybe not. He burned that pair of pants after he was distraught about Enjolras sustaining an injury from it. Courfeyrac was delighted. Not from Enjolras injuring himself of course, from the whole burning thing. It rather reminded him of that time he burned one of Charles de Gaulle's speeches in the fireplace.)

Whatever the case, he did have to roll up the sweatpants, but the shirt was short sleeved and fine, if but a bit baggy on himself.

But it was the hoodie that made things a lot better.

In truth, it wasn't even in the folded pile of clothes Grantaire gave him. It sat on the rack of clothing, but Grantaire never minded when he borrowed clothes, and how could he resist. It was his favourite. He never actually had the opportunity to wear it himself, of course, but he had seen it on Grantaire a number of times, and he allowed himself one indulgent inhale of its forest green fabric before he slipped it on and nearly laughed at the proportion of the hoodie to himself--it nearly reached knees, but if anything, he saw it as a good thing. The day was chilly, and the hoodie was warm and soft. Yes, this was definitely his favourite.

---------------------------------------------------

"Did you trip and break your arm again?" he heard Grantaire ask as he reentered the living room. He was searching through his collection of DVDs on the carpet, but at the sound of Enjolras going "Very funny," he looked up, his eyebrows furrowing for a moment and his mouth opening for a few seconds before closing. "That's my hoodie."

Enjolras raised an eyebrow in amusement. "Grantaire all of these clothes are yours."

Grantaire blinked. "Wait. Yes. Yes they are."

He laughed before plopping himself down beside him on the carpet, leaning against the back of the sofa until Grantaire draped an arm around his shoulders and drew him to lean against his broad chest.

"And where did you find the hoodie, huh?" he heard him mumble into his hair.

He hummed. "Your shelf."

"And who gave you permission?"

He froze. "Oh. I'm sorry, I thought you would be okay with it, I can give it back--" he moved to take the hoodie off, but the arm around his shoulders tightened.

"I was joking, Enjolras, I don't need you to take it off, God, I'm not a brute." He felt himself moved to lean more comfortably against Grantaire. "Besides, it looks nice on you."

He rolled his eyes. "You once said I would look good in a potato sack, but I'll chalk it up to you being drunk."

"Being drunk is exactly how you get every truth out--"

"Grantaire," he sighed exasperatedly, but not without a smile. He burrowed in deeper and contented himself to relishing in the warmth provided by both the hoodie and Grantaire himself, Grantaire's breath ruffling his hair.

As he sat there, watching Grantaire sift through all sorts of movies, he couldn't help but agree.

Yes. Yes, the hoodie did look good on him.

---------------------------------------------------

Grantaire was almost done packing, and as always, just like everyone else, he was scrambling around the apartment, throwing things into his bag that he thought of last minute.

He watched Grantaire threw open his closet for the fifteenth time in the last five minutes and silently wondered what he was searching for. Enjolras kicked his legs off from where they hung, too short to reach the ground where he sat on a high chair.

"Have you seen my hoodie?" he asked at last, reemerging from the depths of his closet.

Enjolras snorted. "You're going to have to be more specific than that. You own quite a few hoodies."

Grantaire ran a hand through his curls. "The dark green one."

Enjolras pursed his lips and hoped his admission of guilt didn't show in his eyes as he thinks about the aforementioned hoodie sitting back in his closet, hidden away from the prying eyes of Courfeyrac--something to hold onto before Grantaire leaves for four months on his art tour. "Um. Noooo..."

The way he trails off, however, is definitely enough to rouse the suspicions of anyone who has even the slightest bit of sense to know when something's off. And for a second, Enjolras thinks that Grantaire, clever as he is, has detected it too, for there's a strange look in his eyes when he stares at Enjolras, but ultimately, he shakes off whatever it was he was thinking about, shrugs, and says "okay," and heads back to packing frantically.

He doesn't resume looking for the hoodie, though.

---------------------------------------------------

It had been a few weeks, and they're no stranger to Skyping. With Grantaire's art having recently grown ever more popular, he's left before on tours and exhibitions.

He's never left for quite so long, however, and though they don't yet live together, Enjolras still misses his presence in Paris.

And it was time, eventually, that led to his slip.

For all his Skype convos with Grantaire, had had never once donned the hoodie that he now wore freely around the apartment, regardless of Courfeyrac's teasing and Combeferre's insistence that he would only end up giving himself a heat stroke. It was especially important that he wear it on those days when he felt especially lonely, when Combeferre had an extra long shift at the hospital, and Courfeyrac was made to stay longer on accounts that a lawyer had to "make their way up through hard work when they first start off" and Grantaire was miles away in Croatia and all Enjolras is left at home with is a stack of papers to mark and a wish that someone was there to maybe hold him and make him feel not quite so empty inside.

So the hoodie was of vital importance. But it never came on during their Skype sessions. Grantaire could never know. What would he say when he saw that Enjolras had lied to him that day, that he actually did know where the hoodie was, and that he took it? He could never know.

And Enjolras had been so careful. He thought he was doing well. But on this particular night he came home exhausted after a lengthy and quite frankly irritating meeting with the principle on advocating for more funding to the school's arts programs, and he was simply much too tired to realize that when he changed at home, he threw on the hoodie and sat in front of the screen, waiting, as always, for the call to come through.

And there it was, there was that face he had missed so dearly, with a grin that seemed to lift even the smallest bit of exhaustion from his shoulders and let him breathe a little easier, a grin that softened into something gentler at the sight of the way Enjolras seemed so tired this night.

At first, the conversation was as it always was; moments to share, repeated I miss yous, and of course, the bickering that stemmed from concern. Enjolras let his guard down. He hadn't been paying enough attention. Not, until, Grantaire had started again--

"By the way," Grantaire said abruptly. "I never did find my hoodie. And that one you have on right now looks kind of familiar, don't you-- shit Enj, are you okay?"

He asked because Enjolras had toppled off the chair quite unceremoniously in his haste to get off screen. The hoodie! He looked down in horror at what he was wearing. Of course Grantaire recognized it, that was his hoodie! The one Enjolras hid from him before he left!

"Enj?" he heard from the laptop screen.

Well how would he face him now?

"Enj, are you okay? I'm kind of getting worried here."

Well there was nothing to do now. Throwing off the hoodie would only cause more suspicion. So with a red face, he made his way back up on his chair and muttered, "I'm fine."

Grantaire looked flabbergasted. "What's wrong?"

He let his eyes flit briefly into his. "Nothing."

"Is this about the hoodie?" Grantaire asked, amused.

He bit his cheek.

"You're wearing it, aren't you?" he heard him say, voice smug.

He buried his head in his hands. "Yes."

Grantaire's laugh, loud and bold, rang through the screen, and Enjolras was quite confused to say the least. Why wasn't he pissed? "I fucking knew I didn't just lose it. Joly gave me hell when he heard I left without it, told me I was always losing stuff--"

"Aren't you mad?" he blurted out. Grantaire's face turned confused for a moment before he let out another burst of laughter.

"Why the fuck would I be mad?"

He waved his hands in a frenzy. "Because I took your hoodie! Because I lied to you when you asked me where your hoodie was! Now you're stuck without a hoodie in Zagreb--"

"Zagreb's pretty warm actually--"

"And you were left wondering all this time where it was when I knew all along! Why aren't you pissed?"

Grantaire looked both amused and bemused. "It's really not that big a deal, you know. Although, I mean you don't have to steal it, you could just ask to borrow it. Or to keep it if you're so fond of it."

He bit his lip. He still felt guilty. "Still..."

Through the screen, his boyfriend squinted and shook his head gingerly. "You're overthinking things again, Enj. I'm not mad just because you took a hoodie, though I'll admit it would be nice if you just asked next time. I think everyone knows I wouldn't say no to you for something like this." He paused for a second before cracking a grin. "Besides, I already knew the hoodie was with you before this. Courfeyrac sent me a picture of you sleeping in it."

Enjolras hoped the thought of his plan to eat all of Courfeyrac's baking chocolate chips in front of him while he stood helplesssly as revenge for this wasn't showing too clearly on his face. Which he probably didn't have to worry about considering even he could feel how heated and red his cheeks had blazed.

"Sorry," he muttered again with embarassment.

Grantaire quirked an eyebrow. "I just told you I'm not mad." His voice softened, "Besides, like I said before--it looks good on you." This last part, this at least, was able to wring a genuine smile from Enjolras.

He pulled the hoodie tighter around himself. "I miss you," he admitted softly.

Grantaire gave him a gentle smile. "I know, Enj. I miss you too."

They remained silent for a minute, soakihg up the bit of presence online meets allowee before Enjolras cleared his throat and asked, "So what are you wearing overtop at the hotels if not your hoodie?"

"Hm? Oh I bought a new hoodie. From a store when I was in Madrid."

A new hoodie he says? That detail... Well... it was quite interesting to Enjolras...

---------------------------------------------------

When Grantaire finally came back, after months of touring, Enjolras vowed to spend the entire night and then well into the next day, in his arms.

And he did. He allowed himself to burrow deep in his chest and take a greedy inhale of his clothing, lingering with his scent, and drift off to sleep peacefully, satisfied after having his fill of the news of the success of Grantaire's art.

It was the next day, that his mind cleared a little enough of the excitement and euphoria that had clouded it the previous day, enough for him now to be able to realize that he'd never seen the cloth that Grantaire now donned, where Enjolras was now watching him put away the last of his dishes in the sink from where he was sitting on the table. He beckoned him closer, Grantaire coming to stand in front of him, lightly skimming his fingers over Enjolras' hips.

"What's this?" he asked as he tugged a bit at the cloth of the new black hoodie Grantaire wore.

"It's just the new hoodie I bought."

He pondered for a minute. "Have you worn it yet?"

Grantaire frowned. "Well, yeah, when I was back at the hotels and done for the day I--"

"I want it."

Grantaire blinked. "What--"

"I want it. Your hoodie. I want it."

With a laugh, Grantaire shook his head. "You already stole one of my hoodies, Enj, this--"

"I want this one too."

Grantaire stared at him in amused disbelief. "Are you going to steal all my clothes?"

"Yes."

Raising an eyebrow, Grantaire smirked and said, "You can't have this one."

So, really, he brought it on himself when Enjolras climbed a chair and launched hinself through the air at him.

"What the fuck!"

They both crashed to the ground as Enjolras landed atop him and tugged at the cloth. "Sharing is caring, now give me the hoodie!"

"Enj, holy shit--"

They went rolling on the carpeted floor until Enjolras managed to rip the hoodie out of Grantaire's hands, jumping up and throwing it on himself.

On the ground, Grantaire groaned.

Enjolras pursed his lips. "I thank you for your valuable contribution," he said seriously, before cracking the smile he had been trying so hard to hold back.

Grantaire huffed. "Well, you stole my old hoodie. You stole my new hoodie--"

"That's because they smell like you!" Enjolras interjected distressedly, unable to figure out why Grantaire wasn't aware of this.

"--Do you think maybe you could at least give me a hand?"

Rolling up the dangling sleeves, he reached a hand to clasp Grantaire's own and made to tug, only to feel himself tugged down atop Grantaire's broad chest. He yelped as he fell, Grantaire laughing as he wrapped arms around his waist, holding him close.

This time, Enjolras huffed. "What's this for?"

Grantaire hummed. "Payment. If you're going to take my hoodies, you're going to pay for them."

He raised an eyebrow. "In injuries?"

He got an eyeroll in return. "In cuddles."

"Well don't you think that would maybe be a better idea if we weren't on the ground?"

"Yes, but consider this: I'm too comfortable to get up."

Enjolras huffed once more, but burrowed further into Grantaire's chest anyways.

All in all, not a terrible price to pay.

[mysticalhouseofcards]

✨🔮✨BTS members current energy reading ✨

Kim Namjoon

Current Energy

✨ Seven of Cups reversed ✨ Generally this card reversed can indicate that he is finding clarity and getting back to reality after a period of indulging in fantasies or living in a dream world. He may be finally starting to act decisively and see the correct path for him clearly, having previously felt indecisive or lost. It represents getting a reality check. Alternately, when this Seven of Cups appears reversed it can indicate that he may has a lack of options, choices or opportunities or he may be feeling restricted or trapped in some way.

Hopes and Fears

✨ The Lovers reversed ✨ The Lovers tarot card reversed makes me think that he is afraid of a breakup I can't be sure about the kind of break up but I am feeling is something work related . Whatever it is, makes him feel insecure and that he or the project he is working on will become less whole. Lovers reversed can also indicate a wrong choice being made. The spiritual and mental connection between him and people is lost or blocked. When this card shows up reversed he might not know what to do. Decisions are being made due to earthly desires and needs, much because it is practical, rather than because it makes him happy and fulfilled.

How to Release

✨ Queen of Wands ✨The advices this card has for him are ,to nurture his creative fire and pour his energy into his creative work. Breathe life into it. Take action on his desires. If there is something (or someone!) he wants, it tells him Go for it!Bring enthusiasm into his situation and Inspire + encourage others through his example.The Queen of Wands is the female leader. When this card comes up, it can say: take the lead. Don’t want to lead? Find someone who will.A brave approach is needed now. Be confident!

Future

✨ Two of Swords and Seven of Wands✨A general meaning of the Two of Swords card is representation of a stalemate, truce or being at a crossroads. It indicates that he will be sitting on the fence or struggling to make/ avoiding a difficult, stressful or painful decision. It is the the card of coming face to face with your fears. It can also signify being torn between two loyalties, relationships, situations, offers or people. It represents being caught in the middle of an argument or conflict and trying to mediate between opposing parties. The Two of Swords also represents blocking emotions, being in denial, blindness and an inability or unwillingness to see the truth. The Seven of Wands card tells that whatever the situation/s he'll have to face will be he will standing up for his beliefs and ideas , he'll be able to maintain control and show he is a strong willed person. Lastly this card tells me that his life will give him challenges and a very hectic schedule .

Kim Seokjin

Current Energy

✨ Five of Pentacles reversed ✨ Generally , the Five of Pentacles reversed is a good omen especially if he has been going through a tough time as it represents hardship coming to an end, overcoming adversity or a positive change in circumstances. When everything seemed hopeless, he was able to held on and now he can see the light at the end of the tunnel! It can also signify improvement in relationships, finances or luck. This card can also represent illnesses improving, recovering from problems and being accepted or welcomed back after a period of alienation or isolation. He should be in a much more positive frame of mind, beginning to rebuild his feeling of security and stability and making progress. He may also be finding forgiveness for anyone who may have caused him any kind of issues in the past. The Five of Pentacles reversed can also indicate letting go of people or relationships that were toxic for him as he is starting to focus on the future.

Hopes and Fears

✨ Eight of Pentacles ✨ With this card I'm getting that he works really hard on a project or maybe a new skill that will be useful in the future but he is afraid that all of his hard work will be in vain because of what is happening right now to the world but of course that the same time he hopes that he'll be able to achieve his goals and find success.

How to Release

✨Three of Wands reversed ✨This card can indicate a need to revise his plans. Perhaps his ambitions are a bit too big at this time.Rather than go big, go small is what I'm getting. Micro steps instead of big, bold moves will make more good results.Instead of global, this card favors local. No need to conquer the world. Start closer to home.

Future

✨ Two of Pentacles reversed and Six of Swords reversed✨The Two of Pentacles card reversed can indicate that he will be biting off more than he can chew! He will may be trying to keep too many balls in the air and finding it impossible to maintain the balance between the various areas of his life. This card represents feeling overwhelmed, overextending himself and lack of organisation. It can also signify that he will make some poor choices because he will be under pressure and may be getting himself into more of a mess than need to. The Six of Swords card reversed show me that he might have to face some troubles in the future but I don't feel like it will be something really important! Also this card is talking about delays , so maybe something that he is working on is moving slower than he would like , but I don't feel that this is bad either , some times obstacles and delays can lead us in a greater place from what we already had in mind! Lastly I'm seeing him healing slowly from a past trauma.

Min Yoongi

Current Energy

✨ Six of Pentacles and Queen of Pentacles ✨ The Six of Pentacles card represents gifts, kindness and generosity. Someone in his life may be very generous towards him with gifts or simply generous with their time, knowledge or wisdom. Alternately, he may has so much wealth and prosperity that he is now the one in a position to help others. This card can also indicate sharing, support, charity or donations. He may be feeling a strong sense of community spirit or compelled to help those around him. It is also a card of power and control ,so he may has come in a position of authority or being well-respected by others when . The Six of Pentacles is usually a positive card to get as it can signify equality and fairness and can also symbolise , being valued or being rewarded for hard work. Queen of Pentacles tarot card denotes a down to earth and practical approach to life and situations. It is important for him now to have work/home balance. Queen of pentacles shows me that he takes enjoyment in material pleasures and success at the moment. This is a very nurturing card and tells me that he wants to take care of people around him . Queen of pentacles inspires integrity and warmth and being an abundant partner, and friend.

Hopes and Fears

✨ Page of Pentacles ✨ This card shows me that he is thinking about the future and some long term goals he wants to achieve ! He is hoping that he will be able to catch every opportunity come to him and find success in his goals ,but at the same time I could say that he is a bit stressed about missing possible good opportunities and make the right choices.

How to Release

✨ Five of Swords ✨This card is often associated with a victory through deceit. As advice, this may say: to watch his back , a betrayal is possible.But it can also advise to always use honesty to achieve his goals. In case he is doing something shady, it’s not too late to turn things around.In some cases, the Five of Swords can advise to use craftiness if you wish to score a victory. Examine his options, take charge and be strategic.Be assertive! A competitive mindset is needed. Take a stand and/or take over.

Future

✨ The Lovers ✨ Generally the Lovers signifies perfect union, harmony, love and attraction. The Lovers can represent finding the balance within oneself. He will learn to understand hiself, his own personal moral code and what he values in life. This will bring harmony and balance to his life. He will have major choices to make or face with a dilemma. He may will be feeling uncertain about situations, people in his life or what direction he should take. These will be important decisions he will have to face . He shouldn't automatically go for the easy road, he'll have to make sure he'll have all the information and make the right decision. Even if it seems like a difficult path, it will lead him on to greater things.

Jung Hoseok

Current Energy

✨ Six of Cups ✨ Generally, the Six of Cups card represent nostalgia, childhood memories and focusing on the past. He may be being influenced by past events, reminiscing about the past or thinking about someone from his past. It can signify simplicity, playfulness, innocence, goodwill and sharing. It can also represent protection and family. If has been going through a tough time, the Six of Cups may be telling to take the support available to him from family and close friends. When the Six of Cups appearance can also indicate that he is being childish or immature.

Hopes and Fears

✨Six of Wands and Seven of Cups ✨In general context, the Six of Wands here represents the hope he has for success, victory, winning, triumph, achievement and having the advantage. It also signifies that he likes and hopes for praise, acclaim, awards, recognition, applause. It is a card of fame, celebrity, fans, well-wishers, supporters, crowds and being in the spotlight. It indicates that he hopes to be a leader, confident and proud with high self-esteem. It is a card that means that he hopes to have strength and stability and can also represent successful campaigns and winning battles against himself or others. With the Seven of Cups card I'm getting that he is afraid of losing important opportunities and make the wrong decision about important matters and stressed of the amount of things he has to take care of.

How to Release

​✨Five of Cups reversed ✨ This card advises him to be kind to himself and take baby steps. He is moving forward but may still have a bit of healing work undone.Change is favored. Embrace the new, even if it seems scary. It’s brighter than what he imagine.If he is struggling with emotions or dependency, he doesn't have to go alone ,help is right under his nose.

Future

✨Six of Pentacles ✨ This card represents gifts, kindness and generosity. Someone in his life may will be very generous towards him with gifts or simply generous with their time, knowledge or wisdom. Alternately, he will may has so much wealth and prosperity that he will be the one in a position to help others. This card can also indicate sharing, support, charity or donations. He may will be feeling a strong sense of community spirit or compelled to help those around him. It is also a card of power and control ,so he may will come in a position of authority or being well-respected by others when . The Six of Pentacles is usually a positive card to get as it can signify equality and fairness and can also symbolise , being valued or being rewarded for hard work.

Park Jimin

Current Energy

✨The Chariot reversed and Seven of Cups✨The Chariot card reversed can indicate that he feels powerless and is lacking direction. He needs to take control of his own destiny and not let outside forces determine his path. When The Chariot reversed he is still moving but he has let go of the reins.He has to focus and take control back! He has to consider what aspects of his current situation are within his control and take proactive steps to change his fate.This may be leading to anger, frustration and uncontrolled aggression. If the people in his life are being too needy and demanding him , he needs to take back his power in a productive way. Also he has to be clear about what time or resources he is prepared to dedicate to others ,set boundaries and stick to them. Seven of Cups card represents having lots of options to choose from or multiple possibilities open to him. It can be an indication that he has so many choices or so many things going on at once that he may be overwhelmed or unable to focus properly. He needs to limit the amount of things he's taking on to a manageable amount. There is no point in agreeing to do things if he can’t give them the time and attention they deserve. He has to try to be realistic about what he can commit to. Also, it indicates that he needs to make a decision in his life and realistically look at where he is ,take proactive steps to make his situation better rather than fantasising about how he wants it to be.

Hopes and Fears

✨King of Pentacles ✨King of pentacles card tells me that he hopes for success in business stuff by being an expert in his field. It is a very ambitious and career-oriented card! But it seems like he is afraid of losing control and power, as well as security and a stable home.

How to Release

✨ Two of Pentacles reversed ✨Things have spun out of control !Seek balance is the advice of this card to him and don’t try to do it all alone.

Future

✨ Page of Swords ✨ He will be full of energy, passion and enthusiasm. He will be bursting with new ideas and plans for the future. He may will be excited about starting a new project, pursuing a new approach or learning something new. He'll have so much energy that he will feel as though he could do almost anything and he can! The challenge, however, is whether he will be able to keep it up. As with all Pages, the beginning always looks promising, but he will need something else to follow through and keep up the pace.

Kim Taehyung

Current Energy

✨ The Chariot reversed and Temperance ✨The Chariot card reversed like Jimin's case can indicate that he feels powerless and is lacking direction. He needs to take control of his own destiny and not let outside forces determine his path. When The Chariot reversed he is still moving but he has let go of the reins.He has to focus and take control back! He has to consider what aspects of his current situation are within his control and take proactive steps to change his fate.This may be leading to anger, frustration and uncontrolled aggression. If the people in his life are being too needy and demanding him , he needs to take back his power in a productive way. Also he has to be clear about what time or resources he is prepared to dedicate to others ,set boundaries and stick to them. In general, the Temperance card signifies balance, peace, patience and moderation. This card indicates that he has found his inner calm and has a good perspective on things. Temperance can also signify that he has found peace and tranquillity and he is feeling content. Temperance indicates that he is truly in touch with who he is inside, what he values and his own moral compass and he is finding it easier to figure out his aspirations and set goals for himself. Lastly it seems like he is trying to get out of the energy the Chariot reversed card has and not allow hiyself to be dragged into other people’s conflict or to let minor issues knock him off balance. Instead he is trying to adapt to the situations with a clear mind and calm heart and keep his balance.

Hopes and Fears

✨Ace of Wands ✨He is hoping for good news and new beginnings and him being able to take action, physically starting something, finding new passion, enthusiasm or spark but at the same time he is afraid that those things want come to him .

How to Release

✨ Five of Cups ✨He might has suffered a loss, grieve. This card advises him to go through the process, even though it may feel uncomfortable. Face his loss full on because by dealing with it directly, he begins the process of healing.Don’t cry over spilt milk.If he has been stuck in regret mode, he won’t be able to see the new possibilities and says Stop looking back.Put the water under the bridge. Forgive and move on.

Future

✨ The Devil revery✨In a general Devil reversed can signify that he will become aware of the things that have been trapping him and the role he plays in allowing them to. It is a great card for anyone battling an addiction or mental illness or engaging in harmful behaviour as it indicates that he will start to see the light and take back control of himself and his life. He wants to be free from problems and he will start to get the motivation to change his circumstances. It can also indicate that he will get a new perspective on issues that made him feel powerless to change previously. The changes he will want to make may not be easy but they are necessary for him if he wants to have a happy life in the future and will realise what he has to do.

Jeon Jungkook

Current Energy

✨ Queen of Swords ✨Queen of Swords t card denotes tells me that at the moment he is kind of cold, professional and thinks in a smart way. He is trying to be is witty and funny in an intelligent way . At the moment he seems to be single and may have been hurt in love, and is bitter and hurt, but good at covering it up. Staying professional right now is a must for him . And also with this card I'm feeling that is not a good period for him to try new artistic things.

Hopes and Fears

✨ The Lovers ✨ I'm getting that he might be afraid that he won't find his significant other or his match about a work related situation and make wrong choices that won't feel him up emotionally and generally.

How to Release

✨ The Hanged Man ✨The Hanged Man advises to wait ,put his feet up and chill , let go and allow the Universe to sort things out.This card can also symbolize sacrifice, it may be advising him to do just that: make a sacrifice. Surrender to the situation ,stop struggling. Give up and trust that things will work out as need be.

Future

✨ Eight of Swords and Four of Cups reversed ✨

In general , the Eight of Swords tells me that he will be feeling trapped, confined, restricted or backed into a corner or having his hands tied. It signifies fear, terror, anxiety and psychological issues. It is a card of hopelessness, helplessness, powerlessness, slavery, persecution and being silenced or censored. He will be feeling the pressure when this appears and may be in crisis or going through a dilemma or drama. However, the overall theme of this card is that he will be the one keeping yourself in this situation through negative thinking and allowing himself to be paralysed by fear. This card also represents consequences and judgement which may take the form of trial by jury, imprisonment and punishment ! The Four of Cups reversed though tells me that this situation won't last long. Generally , the Four of Cups card reversed indicates that he will pull himself out of the rut he has been in. While his life may have previously felt stagnant, that will come to an end. The Four of Cups reversed represent leaving regrets, remorse and wishful thinking in the past and focusing on the present and moving forward in a positive direction.

[felicia-parker]

Prompt: 01 - “No, come back!”  Fandom: dcau/dc comics  (the huntress/the question) Rating: T TW: none.

He often forgets how Gotham really smells when he returns. It smells like a mix of industrial pollution, brackish water from the harbors, and nothing at all like Hub City. He leaves the train with his head ducked down, hat on his head, no one notices him anyways in the flurry of snow falling in the city for the first time all year. People are already complaining of scraping driveways come morning, but he ignores them all as he passes. His mask is balled up in his pocket, bare face being kissed by flurries. It makes his cheeks match his hair. Vic shoves his hands in his pockets, feeling for his gloves and hastily shoving them on his quickly numbing fingers. 

“I should call…” He mutters to himself, “that’s what you do.” 

He tries to pull up the social cues she has so painstakingly drilled into him on the last six months, twenty-one days, fourteen hours, and thirty-five minutes. She reminds him to call since he refuses to text, there’s too many hands those messages could fall into, cell phones aren’t safe but the Government is slowly killing the payphones making his anonymity harder and harder. Helena gave him a phone, sleek and black, the screen already has a chip from him dropping it after a night of scrolling internet sleuthing led to him falling asleep in his favorite chair, the phone becoming victim to the floor. He only has one contact in it,  one photo, no messages, one voice mail saved-- she had pocket dialed him, her useless mutterings forever recorded on his digital answering machine.

He listens to it when the nights get a little too long and the trains stop running.

Vic pulls out the phone and double taps the little screen. It illuminates amongst the darkness of the city and he stops on the sidewalk to quickly type in a code too long for anyone to memorize, before turning it back off and stuffing it down in his pocket. He decides he doesn’t need to call. If he has anyone tailing him, they can’t know where he’s going. Vic glances over his shoulder.

The paranoia is getting a little worse, but Helena doesn’t seem to mention it anymore. She just sighs and reminds him of how many ‘bad guys’ she’s tossed into gutters. It doesn’t soothe him like she thinks it does, but he lets her brag until she’s content. He crosses the street right over the crosswalk which leads him into a burrow of the city. Tall buildings are illuminated with door lights and street lights that seem to stretch on for an eternity. All of the buildings look the same, except every other one has another color slapped onto the brick. They are all cookie-cutter, cheap apartments, ones that the working class usually fill.

He walks until his feet start to ache, the old dress shoes he’s wearing are worn down, dried blood is caked on the underside of the heels, excellent for remaining invisible, poor for snowy nights in a city that didn’t particularly belong to him.  Vic stops outside of a light gray building on the corner and begins to count the windows. On the sixth floor he sees the light on, the fire escape is decorated with a dying plant and nothing else, window closed and curtains open.  When a shadow passes by the glass, his heart skips a beat and he glances up to the sky overhead. The clouds are thick and dark, no moon, no infamous signal in the sky.

He breathes a sigh of relief and begins to climb. The old iron squeaks every few steps, he notes the rust on the third floor and makes a mental note to not put too much weight there on his way back down and climbs until his breath clouds the window of the sixth floor, corner apartment. The edges of her window are slick with moisture, she must have cooked tonight, filled her apartment with the heat of the kitchen as she worked. His gloved fingers trace over the sill and he moved to lift the glass.  It didn’t budge. She had locked it for once.

The sound of the television vibrates against the window and he peers in with hands cupped around his face to see her stretched out on the couch, papers everywhere, red pen between her lips as she holds a paper above her head. Her hair is spilling over the couch in wave of dark curls and he marvels in the simplicity of it all. She looks absolutely normal.

Helena is anything but normal. He knows this. He dares to even love such an idea, of this woman who is an unstoppable force with no concept of white and black, her world is shades of gray and personal vendettas.  Helena stretches once more on the couch, taking the red pen from her mouth to mark something on the paper with ease.  

He knocks, the pen goes wild over the page as she all but throws herself off of the couch and onto the floor. A momentary flash of fear crosses her face, followed by anger as she pulls her pen up like mini dagger, set to throw it with deadly precision at the window when she recognizes the outline of him. Her shoulders sag and she stomps over to the window. In one quick yank the glass comes up and he’s met with the lingering smell of homemade food, warm and tinged with garlic, but all of it is forgotten as she shouts at him with her voice sharper than any knife.

“You’re supposed to call! I gave you a phone Q!” Helena’s cheeks are flushed red, her teeth are clenched tightly together and he can see the muscle in her jaw is strained. Anger radiates from her form.

“I wanted to…”

“No!” She shouts the word and slams the window back down in his face. It’s a miracle the glass stays in place. She keeps her hand on the window, glaring at him when he takes the step back to leave. A minute ticks by and then a second, a third, and finally he backs up to go back down the escape, shoulders slumping. He should have called, he should have warned her, should have asked if she even wanted to see him after being apart for so long.

His foot touches down on the ladder when he hears the window open back up, “No, come back!”

Her voice isn’t as angry and this time her hand reaches into the cold for his. She manages to grab hold of his coat sleeve, pulling him impatiently over the threshold. Vic stumbles a bit, but once he’s inside she closes the window behind him, putting the lock in place before grabbing at his coat again. Helena is far from gentle. She pulls at his coat until he’s leaning over, close enough for her mouth to find his. She kisses him until he’s gasping for air, until he has to pull back to recover his bearings.

His eyes glance over her  living quarters,  there’s a half-decorated tree in the corner where her desk usually sits, the desk now stowed away for the holidays no doubt, leading to all the school papers being strewn across her coffee table and couch, markers and highlighters all around. The television drones on and on with the nightly news bleeding into a late night talk-show.

“Am I…” He clears his throat, “Not welcome?”

“Don’t be an idiot.” She waves a hand at him, reaching behind him to pull the blinds down, drawing the curtains for privacy. “I just wish you would use that phone.”

“Trackable.”

“Yeah, that’s why I got it for you. I’d like to know when you’re coming here. It’s not like we have…” It’s her turn to trail off and she walks to the kitchen as she does so, opening the fridge and pulling out the leftovers of her dinner to warm up for him. He doesn’t tell her no. Vic learned a long time ago to never reject food from her.  Helena mutters something else and slides the homemade plate of lasagna into the microwave.

“Are you listening?” She asks him.

“Yes. No set schedule.” He nods to her and stands still for a minute too long, feeling like an obscure piece of furniture in her little home. His own home is empty, soulless, untraceable.  Hers is full of art, plates, second-hand furniture, and little things here and there that just fit the woman in the kitchen.

The microwave dings as she’s pulling a glass out of the cabinet and setting him a place at her kitchen bar, “Come, eat.”

He eats like a starving man. A home cooked meal is such a rarity in his life, something he only gets when Helena is around. She refuses to eat an abundance of ready-to-eat frozen meals, instead spending hours in the grocery store to find fresh ingredients, an unnecessary thing in his world.  Helena pours herself another glass of wine, gives him one too but he only sips that, going back to scraping the fork over the plate until it’s all gone.

“Thank you,” He murmurs the soft appreciation, he no longer feels cold, but warmed from the inside out. She crosses behind him and pulls at his coat. Vic lets his arms go limp, lets her pull his coat away. She takes his hat too and hangs both by the door, coming back to pull him free from the bar stool, drawing him towards her couch for more comfort. He lets her lead him around. He can’t seem to stop his feet from following her. He would follow her to the edges of space, hell, and everything in between, but can’t seem to say the words to her. Instead he settles for the silence between them. She sets him on the couch, pulls the blanket from the back of it and tucks it over his shoulders, kisses the top of his hair before making it messy with a ruffle of her fingers.

“I always forget how bright red…” She snickers softly, teasing him for not wearing the mask, for giving himself over to her with no second skin to block the way.

Vic tilts his head up to her own, frowning slightly, “Would you prefer the mask?”

“Don’t be an idiot.” She repeats the words from earlier. Her brows knitting together in concern before she crosses in front of him and takes the place next to him on the couch, gathering up more papers to grade, “Don’t ask that question again.”

“Can I ask another?” He turns his head over, watching her pull her legs up, tucking them under her, pen cap already in her mouth as she begins going down the line of questions, looking for the incorrect answers.

“Mhm,” She hums softly, not glancing up at him. Instead she runs the pen over the top, making a perfect one-hundred in a little loop, following with a little star at the corner of the page. He watches her work with ease, moving onto the next page with her little red pen on the hunt of mistakes.

His mouth forms the words, “Can I stay?”

Her pen scratches an ‘x’ over an answer. He waits for her to put an ‘x’ on him as well, but she does no such thing.  

“I was expecting you to,” she doesn’t look up from the papers still, “I hope you’ll stay for a while.”

Helena shifts now, moving to lay her back against his side, “You hope or want?”

“Does it make a difference to you?”

“Yes.” He answers her matter-of-factly. He wants to hear her say the words. Vic wants her to say she wants him to stay, wants him to be with her even if it’s for such a short time. Christmas is four days away, three nights, he can make the train on the fourth, be back in Hub before she grows too used to his body in her bed.

“Then,” Helena shifts again, this time picking his arm up and sliding under it, she lays now half against him on the couch with her legs stretched to the other end, she smells of floral shampoo and ink, “I want you to stay, but you have to actually stay. You can’t skip breakfast.”

Vic takes a moment as she makes herself comfortable against him before he fully relaxes. He lets his arm slide over her stomach and pulls her into him until there’s no space left, she’s draped comfortably into the curve of him, papers to grade in her hand. His hand twitches for the remote, to turn away from the channel of mind-numbing late-night television, enjoying the warmth of her finally returning to him after months of being away.

“I think I want to stay.”

She marks another one-hundred across the top of the page, adds a little star to the corner before tilting her head back against his chest, the word leaves her with a soft sigh and a curve of her lips, “Stay.”

[huntsman-ash]

RWBY V8E3 LiveThoughts

Its Saterday and that means its time for everyones favorite post spam; Orca-mun bullshits about RWBY! And here we go.

On a personal note I barely ate anything today so my brain is jittery. I ate something before this of course but one does not solve low-food jitters instantly. So we’ll see how this goes.

Also the more that I hear the opening for this season the more I hear things that I have had Ash say before.  “The hope to change the world is just a childish dream”. It comes off in the song as kind of a poke at Ruby and her team, same way as how V3s opening was all about loosing and falling, but here I cant help but hear it in the voice of Ash, caustic and sarcastic, angry at the world for his own issues and putting it onto the “blind, naieve Huntress’s” Ironwood now has his team focused on.

Actually again, a lot of the song is talking about stuff that is probably coming up in the show. “The path we tried to avoid is already here”. “Path home is suddenly clear”. Basically hinting RWBYs going back to Vale at some point. But we knew that already.

And again, the part with time stopping while Cinder walks among the fighting reminds me of a shittier version of the I Know You trailer for Halo Wars 2.

And now the episode actually starts. Apperently, riding the pnumatic tubes does NOT instantly kill you. Im...half dissapointed. At the same time it makes sense, they seem to be fully sealed so. 

Doesnt seem like its fun though thats for sure.

Dear Blake; please stop being adorable.

Oh, and we get to see how Penny see’s the world too. Interseting. Wireframe with data...and shes unintentionally doing the Konami Code if Im not mistaken.

Also cool to see that the active camo semblance works exactly like Halo’s active camo, ergo; its bending light, not true invisibility, since you can JUST BARELY see the shimmer where they are.

And this moment is a painting I like to call; Five Lesbians and a Robot in an Elevator. Legit shocked Atlas doesnt have elevator music...

And we finally, FINALLY get some reference on the storm. Shorter Atlas trooper sayd “they cant get too close to that storm without getting shot out of the air”.  Okay...so Salem actually has defenses against airships? Couldnt they have SHOWN THAT?

Also, props to the female VA for sounding like AN ACTUAL FUCKING SOLDIER. “CO can get us some answers”...hell yeah. And then Nora’s randomly a dick for...no reason.

Penny’s finger has a scomplink just like in Star Wars.

And they didnt think to remove Peitro’s security clerance, alright then. Someones gonna know they were there though since she used his ID...but maybe thats part of the deal. They get in and get out fast.

Central Command is so dissapointingly small. I HATE IT. ITs two rows of consoles and like...8 dudes. No, wait...three rows? For a place this big it should be six times the size and look more like NASAs mission control.

Nice to have some data on how Ruby’s semblance works though. She apperently breaks herself down to her component molecules and negates her mass and HEY thats how I said Ash moved! DAMMIT RT

Also I guess Remnant follows SOME laws of physics.

NGL Blake is suddenly being a better character now that shes not held down by Yang. Might just be me though. 

“Busy” says Ironwood. In my head, the five minutes before this shot; EXECUTIONS EXECUTIONS ALL THE EXECUTIONS. MUCH PURGING, VERY CLEAN NOW.

Oh I LIVE for the sudden look of shock on Watt’s face. Bro KNOWS what Ironwood can do. That said, obviously hes going to turn on him because...duh. Its Watts. But hey, least hes a little afraid. Unless its an act.

His acid snark against Penny is refreshing. “Magic science project” indeed.

Oh, thats why hes so worried. FOUR DUDES AIMING GUNS AT HIM. Nice. 

CALLED IT

“Authorization granted to handle any threats with lethal force”. GOOD. 

Oh no, Nora’s got an idea now. Im worried.

I get the feeling the random office geek guy that Nora trips is someone from RTs office, hence the “#1 Dad/Dud” mug. Dumb

Home made sign. Really. REALLY.  UGH GOD DAMMIT RT. 

Funny sign though.  Also the scream from the tech is so fake its not even funny

Wow. For fuck sake. Thats how they get through. Seriously.

Seems I paused at the right moment. Blake is very confused about being inside Ruby.

Nice to see that Atlas follows OSHA regulations and has railings on its weird catwalks.

Hardlight forcefield door? Interesting. I guess May went off to steal an airship or something.

Also this is something I JUST remembered but I thought Johanna was the trans member. Actually thats May. So thats my bad.

HAHAHAHA HOLY SHIT MINDJACK!

Why’re there holes on the base of Penny’s gloves...

No logiccal sense to half of Atlas’s tech, glad to see that hasnt changed any.

Blake is me when my dads working at his office and taking way to long to do anything.

Blah blah okay talk less do more shit. Character stuff BORES ME

Hm. Nora speaks the truth.

ANNNNDDD its the Ace Ops. Now lead by Hare.  ...no cuffs. No heavy equipment. No gas weaponry. Nothing. They know exactly how strong these people are and instead they show up with ALL OF THEIR OLD STUFF. Are you fucking serious.

STOP TALKING AND JUST KILL THEM ALREADY DAMMIT! Marrows comment is how I feel. But I think hes lying. As does he, I think.

I like how its Vine doing the talking, and that they start by trying to REASON with them. They’re scared. They know they might not win again.  They’re taking the cowards root. To no ones fucking shock.

UHHHGGGG all of this fukcing mind shit with Penny is really pissing me off.

Good, now the fighting starts. Thattttss why they;re on the platform.

Hey, actual teamwork out of the Aces, kinda. I guess their boss being dead helped.

Okay seriously how the HELL is she not fighting this easier? Shes a robot, surely she has predictive combat algorithms...

Man Marrows getting SHIT ON this fight.

Mmm. Hare thighs. I like

Weiss says the truth for once

And all the fancy work and fighting is ended simply by a beefy woman grabbing Penny. I like that honestly. Simplicity, brutality.

Wait never mind.

HAHAHAHAH OFF THE Wall and now she flies. No shock.

HAHAHAHAH YES

Good shit. Good work Marrow.

Well that works. JESUS FUCK Nora.

Yow they’re not DEAD. Excuse me

Oh look Nora’s...wow. Cool, scars.

Still mad Pennys swords are on wires, but hell. Wire funnels are wire funnels. Or would those be incoms? I dont quite remember the distinction.

Marrows quiet look is kinda sad. Oh good nora’s not dead.

But they are down a person and...ah. They’re letting them go. Death Star tactic.

New ship design, havent seen this one before. The whole top part opens which is interesting to me. And then she just GONE. 

Ah. So thats what they were doing. Cool.

Obviously gonna backfire, but hey, who knows. Maybe RT will surprise us.

Annnddd thats it for the show.

[muffinapologist]

Birthday Cake

On A03

warnings: moralitwins, platonic demus, platonic logicality, platonic loceit, graphic depictions of baking cakes, mental breakdowns. angst and fluff.

When it comes to ‘birthdays’ Janus is more inclined to agree with Logan. As sides of one personality they don’t truly have birthdays. Their birthdays, like the rest of them, were constructs. Closer to anniversaries than actual birthdays. No real reason to celebrate.

No reason to get all depressed and angsty when one spends it alone.

February 3rd, the anniversary of when Janus started appearing in Thomas’s videos. The anniversary of when the man first became aware of the deceitful side.

This would be his third year celebrating such a date as his ‘birthday’. So, really, it isn’t too much of a shock to the system for it to also be the first year since then that he’s spending February 3rd alone. Two years in a row is hardly a tradition make.

Not like before, celebrating June 6, as close to a real birthday as anything could be for a side. The day he first formed. He remembers it more clearly than a side like Logan, or Virgil would. Because he wasn’t formed over months and years. It had happened rather suddenly, actually.

But there was no need to reminisce over lost childhood. It has been decades (nearly plural). And Janus isn’t about to spend his day sentimental over spilled batter and the sound of bubbling laughter.

Nor will he spend it mourning the loss of hands over his eyes--scratchy material of long sleeves against his nails--that warm and familiar obnoxiously flamboyant voice declaring “happy birthday Janny”. Over the reveal of some monstrous cake that absolutely did not taste delicious anyway.

So what if he and Patton didn’t celebrate the same birthday anymore?

So what if the ‘light’ sides abhorred his existence? (well, with the exception of Logan who insisted he was neutral)

So what if Remus was a bit sour over being used for Janus’s plans?

It is what it is. Janus does not feel sorry, he does not regret anything. He got what he wanted. He got his seat at the table.

Today is a day like any other. Not a birthday. His birthday is June 6th . He doesn’t have a birthday.

He doesn’t need to be on good terms with his brother; Patton is willing to work with him and that’s all Janus needs to gain a foothold. He doesn’t need the friendship of the lightsides. Remus will forgive him eventually.

Lies come easily to Janus, always have. He lies to the others, he lies to Thomas, and he lies to himself. He tells himself these lies on a loop the moment he realizes Remus isn’t going to even say ‘hi’ let alone his usual insistent celebration.

(and Janus has always wondered, how the others had so easily forgotten that aspect to Remus; the loyalty, the love. Perhaps his way of showing it was a tad… disgusting. But he had somehow found a way to love Janus for all his faults.)

Janus lies to himself and insists that it is not at all significant that he’d done something bad enough to drive even Remus away.

At some point he convinces himself he needs cake. That's what’s missing. All this birthday nonsense has given him a craving , that’s all. So what if Remus wasn’t here to make one? Janus could do it on his own. He was an adult, perfectly capable of baking a simple pastry.

He lands on the page in their old cookbook for a ‘funfetti’ cake (a plain vanilla cake recipe with additional instructions scribbled over it in blue crayon) and tells himself he selects it for its simplicity.

It absolutely does not fill him with a hollow longing feeling.

“Don’t stir so fast it’s going to--”

The warning does not come nearly soon enough to stop the enthusiastic over-stirring that causes cake batter to splash everywhere.

Patton halts, gives him a lopsided sheepish smile “sorry Jan”

“S’okay Patt. You know what they say; no use in crying over spilt batter.”

“Isn’t it spilt milk?”

“No, i’m certain the saying is batter.”

When Janus feels his eyes sting he tells himself it’s the sun in his eyes, and he closes the kitchen’s blinds to block out some of the light.

Cakes are simple, really. Straightforward. Eggs, flour, sugar, butter, baking powder.

Rainbow sprinkles.

Sometimes Janus wonders if that’s why he struggles so much with baking, straightforward is against his nature. The batter looks wrong, he can already tell it won’t turn out. But he pours it into a greased cake tin regardless. Because the longer he spends on this endeavor the longer he can pretend that his problem is a lack of cake.

“What is that monstrosity?” Janus asks, with exasperated fondness.

“Cake!” Remus declares proudly, as if not sensing the disgust in the other’s tone (or possibly simply preening at it)

“It looks like something’s already eaten it”

“Aww, thank you Janny!”

“Do I have to eat this?”

“Yes” a pause and an eyeroll “Don’t be dramatic snakey, it’s all decoration. It’s a real cake underneath.”

“Thank you Remus”

“Happy birthday Jan”

Janus decides it’s a bit too pathetic, even in his current state, to watch the cake baking in the oven. So he preoccupies himself with cleaning up the preparations. Slowly, because the sooner he finishes the sooner he has nothing to do and he cannot be left with his thoughts right now.

It doesn’t matter, no matter how he stretches it out, he can’t possibly clean for the entire duration of the cake’s cooking time. So he makes frosting. Something he wasn’t originally planning on bothering doing. But you know what they say about idle hands...well, something or other about the devil.

Mixing frosting is also straightforward. Softened butter, milk, vanilla, confectioner's sugar.

Rainbow sprinkles.

“The sprinkles go on the frosting, not in it.”

“But there’s even more sprinkles if we do it both ways. Besides, it’s our recipe. We can make it however we want right?”

“Careful Patt, you’re turning into a rebel.”

Patton sputters and Janus laughs.

The frosting turns out better than the cake, slightly lumpy but speckled with color. Janus covers the bowl with cling wrap and sets it in the fridge while the cake cools on the counter.

Baked, the cake doesn’t look so bad. Although it does fall apart as Janus removes it from the tin. Distantly, he remembers some baking show Thomas watched-while extremely bored and procrastinating- had mentioned to wait for the cake to cool before removing it from the tin. But it’s too late now. He can always plaster the pieces together with frosting later.

No one other than Janus himself is going to see the cake anyway, who cares if it’s ugly as sin?

Janus does have enough sense, however, not to attempt any frosting related reconstruction while the cake is still hot. Cleaning up the mess from making the frosting doesn’t take very long, especially since he can’t clean out the bowl just yet. (he is able to clean out the cake tin but due to the baking spray there’s not much to scrub and he’s done in minutes)

“Happy birthday,” Logan-still called Curiosity rather than Logic at that time-holds out a poorly wrapped gift, one for each of the twins. One with yellow paper and the other with blue.

Janus briefly considers not opening his at all, even with the lack of skill it’s probably the prettiest gift he’s ever seen.

But Patton rips into his and soon Janus gives in as well.

“Thank you Lo,” Patton jumps with excitement and wraps his arms around the Curious side. Janus repeats the sentiment, with only marginally less enthusiasm.

It’s just the three of them for right now. A happy little family on June 6th.

Patton would have celebrated his birthday on January 15th this year, Janus’s mind supplies without permission and without warning, just as he had for the past five years. He wonders, before he can stop himself from doing so, if Patton ever feels the same sense of wrongness on January 15th as Janus feels on February 3rd.

Unlikely. Patton seemed perfectly content to forget that he has a twin.

That was their long standing lie. One that still joined them together as equal participants. Patton was morality and Janus was deceit and that was that. Nothing more to see here folks. Move right along.

He doesn’t know how much time has passed, and the cake on the counter is still warm to the touch, but Janus figures that not losing his sanity further is worth some melted frosting; so he starts piling it on anyway. When it melts and slides off he just layers more on.

The benefit to this-objectively awful-approach is that it requires three times the amount of time than frosting a cake like a competent person would. As far as Janus is concerned, the more wasted time the better. The closer the clock ticks to February 4th the closer he is to being relieved from his not-birthday.

No amount of decorations can save the cake at this point, but Janus tops it with more rainbow sprinkles anyway. Because it’s what Patton would have done. Because it’s something to do to take up a little more time.

When it’s finished, though; when Janus has cut himself a piece, setting it on the counter; it doesn’t get tasted. Ofcourse, Janus had known from the beginning that he wasn’t really craving cake. That he didn’t even particularly like sweets, and the only reason he associated cake with birthdays was because people always insisted he partake.

And it wasn’t cake that made those moments sweet.

It’s a good thing he’s alone, Janus tells himself, when he stares at the drooping, crumbling cake and thinks ‘well isn’t that just a metaphor for my entire existence’ and can no longer hold back tears.

So much for Patton being the cry baby.

“Oh”

The sudden sound of someone else’s voice most certainly does not make Janus jump.

Patton looks a bit awkward, clutching a plate with an equally disastrous looking cake on top. White with rainbow sprinkles. Funfetti. Janus has just enough awareness to flush with embarrassment and wipe the tears from his cheeks.

He clears his throat and straightens his cape slightly. “Can I help you?”

Patton opens his mouth to say something, then closes it again. He appears to be thinking really hard about something and Janus is about to say something about not needing pity when Patton finally speaks;

“I miss spending our birthday together.”

“It’s not our birthday,” comes Janus’s immediate reply.

“I know.” Patton replies.

They stare at each other a moment longer before Janus motions for Patton to take a seat at the counter. The father figure does, and the reptilian side slides his untouched piece of cake towards the other. Patton gives him a slice of his own cake, and both twins eat in silence for a moment.

Janus cuts through the silence this time, with a sly grin “Patt, this is the worst cake I’ve ever tasted.”

“Really? Because I think yours is pretty good,” Patton replies. “In fact, I think it’s maybe the best cake i’ve ever had.”

Janus gives him a skeptical look, but digs his fork into the remains of the cake he baked to taste it. The frosting is grainy and off-putting and the cake is crumbly and dry and he barely avoids coughing afterwards. “You’re getting better at lying.”

“I learned from the best,” Patton jokes back. “But I mean it. I think it’s the best cake i’ve ever had. It tastes like...not being alone anymore.”

“That’s a lot to put on a cake.” Janus retorts. He’s never been especially good with sentimentality.

Patton just shrugs in response.

“Hey Patt?”

“Yeah Jan?”

“On June 6th let’s just order a cake.”

Patton gives a snort-laugh hybrid. “Yeah, that’s probably for the best.”

-----

When Janus knocks he’s somewhat surprised he even gets an answer. He supposes it shouldn’t be surprising, Remus may be mad at him but he’s not cruel. Still, the creative side glares at him.

“What?”

Janus holds the road-kill esque funfetti cake out to Remus. His best friend. “I’m sorry, Re. I…”

He’s not good with apologies, either, but apparently, that’s enough; because he’s pulled into an immediate-sticky-hug.

“Happy birthday Janny.”

[animebw]

Binge-Watching: Akagi, Episodes 5-9

In which I consider how to talk about a show that isn’t really giving me much to talk about.

What to Say

Well, folks, it looks like Akagi’s gonna be another interesting show for me to talk about. But not for the usual reasons you might imagine. It’s not confusing or overly weird, it’s not particularly amazing or awful, it’s not throwing me for any absurd loops or doing things so uniquely that I have to break down its construction in detail. In fact, what’s making this show so interesting to talk about is that I don’t actually have that much to talk about it. Most of the time when I’m watching anime for this blog, I pause and take notes an average of nine or ten times an episode to catalog my thoughts and remind myself of specific moments that stuck out to me. With this show, though? I pause and take notes maybe four or five times an episode. Sometimes, as little as three. It’s the kind of show where I watch it, take it in, say “yep, that was fun,” and don’t really have many more thoughts on the matter. Don’t get me wrong, Akagi’s a fine, fun show, and I’m enjoying my time with it. But it’s also... well, very straightforward in a way that doesn’t leave me much room to elaborate.

Part of the problem is my lack of mahjong knowledge, to be sure, but it goes deeper than that. On a structural level, Akagi’s storytelling is very Spartan in its simplicity. When a match is going on, the show details the match and its moves and that’s pretty much it. This isn’t like Kakegurui, where the extreme personalities and goals of the characters drive the gamble’s action and the gamble itself forces the characters and their relationships to change and grow over the course of it. This show is all about the match itself. Characterization is light both during and outside the battles, with most dialogue and plot points only serving to carry the characters from one match to the next. Most of the actions they take are wholly in service of watching the matches play out. It’s not a character driven story, or even really a plot driven story. It’s a structure driven story, where the plot and characters are wholly in service of the spectacle of the sport itself. There’s a light sprinkling of character motivations and conflicting ideals between Akagi and his opponents; the blind master is a traditionalist who favors steady, sure methodology to win over Akagi’s flashy, high-risk gambits (”You play your showy hands. I’ll just win.”), the post-timeskip fake Akagi holds fast to logic and stability while the real Akagi still treats gambling as a high-stakes game-of-chicken blood sport (“A meaningless death? Isn’t that all gambling is?”). But for the most part, the show is just, well, watching people play mahjong. Even the ever-present narrator is a huge part of this. By describing everyone’s actions and motivations in voice-over, it breaks the characters down to just more moving pieces in the broader game to be dissected and puzzled over. It almost gives the show the feel of a mahjong documentary; we’re observing its subjects from a distance, as if to educate ourselves on the sport and the people playing it.

My point is, Akagi is a show where what you see is what you get. You know that old cliche about sports anime where people say “unlike most sports anime with focus on the sport, this one focuses on the characters”? And you’re supposed to laugh at that because every sports anime is about the characters? Well, Akagi is the show I imagine these people mean when they talk about sports anime focusing on the sport. And there’s only so much I can really dig into that on an analytical level. I’m a guy who discusses storytelling, not a sports commentator. The most I can really talk about in regards to the matches themselves is the fun psychological mind games at play. I like how cheating’s an accepted strategy by pretty much everyone, and Akagi keeps cheating when you least expect it to get himself out of a tough spot, eventually going so far that he tricks his opponent into cheating in a way that ensures his victory. Like, that’s just fucking brilliant. But it doesn’t make for the most intricate analysis to just say “heh, nice play” over and over again. Maybe now that we’re out of the prologue, the cast and world will start expanding in interesting ways and give me more things to talk about. Or maybe I’ll just coast through this analysis putting out some of the lightest commentary I’ve done in a while. Who knows? Maybe it’s about time I I buckled down with a nice, relaxing show I enjoy without having too much to say about. Either way, Akagi’s still fun, and I look forward to where his wandering shoes take him next.

Odds and Ends

-Woah, zetsu nimon sounds like a hell of a gambit. If you’re both discarding 2 of 3 suits, you’re wearing each other’s safe discards down to the bone bit by bit.

-”Don’t you know when to quit?” All evidence points toward No.

-Lol, and the suits know when to bail. “Fuck this shit, I’m not so proud I’d commit suicide by gambling.”

-I don’t know why there’s a guy belching in the ED, but I appreciate him.

-...okay, thank god that’s a faker, because that haircut is fucking atrocious.

-Also, I like how Yasuoka’s basically pimping Akagi’s name out for street cred. He’s crooked through and through.

-”Why don’t they live more rewarding lives.” So not only is Akagi doing honest work, he doesn’t seem to care about the mahjong challenge these guys offer. Interesting...

-”But they let their guard down when you’re returning a tile.” Haha, nice.

Damn, that was the easiest five-episode post I’ve written in a while. Rest easy, my typing wrists. See you next time!

[artdaily7]

Marriage by Marianne Moore

This institution, perhaps one should say enterprise out of respect for which one says one need not change one's mind about a thing one has believed in, requiring public promises of one's intention to fulfill a private obligation: I wonder what Adam and Eve think of it by this time, this firegilt steel alive with goldenness; how bright it shows -- "of circular traditions and impostures, committing many spoils," requiring all one's criminal ingenuity to avoid! Psychology which explains everything explains nothing and we are still in doubt. Eve: beautiful woman -- I have seen her when she was so handsome she gave me a start, able to write simultaneously in three languages -- English, German and French and talk in the meantime; equally positive in demanding a commotion and in stipulating quiet: "I should like to be alone;" to which the visitor replies, "I should like to be alone; why not be alone together?" Below the incandescent stars below the incandescent fruit, the strange experience of beauty; its existence is too much; it tears one to pieces and each fresh wave of consciousness is poison. "See her, see her in this common world," the central flaw in that first crystal-fine experiment, this amalgamation which can never be more than an interesting possibility, describing it as "that strange paradise unlike flesh, gold, or stately buildings, the choicest piece of my life: the heart rising in its estate of peace as a boat rises with the rising of the water;" constrained in speaking of the serpent -- that shed snakeskin in the history of politeness not to be returned to again -- that invaluable accident exonerating Adam. And he has beauty also; it's distressing -- the O thou to whom, from whom, without whom nothing -- Adam; "something feline, something colubrine" -- how true! a crouching mythological monster in that Persian miniature of emerald mines, raw silk -- ivory white, snow white, oyster white and six others -- that paddock full of leopards and giraffes -- long lemonyellow bodies sown with trapezoids of blue. Alive with words, vibrating like a cymbal touched before it has been struck, he has prophesied correctly -- the industrious waterfall, "the speedy stream which violently bears all before it, at one time silent as the air and now as powerful as the wind." "Treading chasms on the uncertain footing of a spear," forgetting that there is in woman a quality of mind which is an instinctive manifestation is unsafe, he goes on speaking in a formal, customary strain of "past states," the present state, seals, promises, the evil one suffered, the good one enjoys, hell, heaven, everything convenient to promote one's joy." There is in him a state of mind by force of which, perceiving what it was not intended that he should, "he experiences a solemn joy in seeing that he has become an idol." Plagued by the nightingale in the new leaves, with its silence -- not its silence but its silences, he says of it: "It clothes me with a shirt of fire." "He dares not clap his hands to make it go on lest it should fly off; if he does nothing, it will sleep; if he cries out, it will not understand." Unnerved by the nightingale and dazzled by the apple, impelled by "the illusion of a fire effectual to extinguish fire," compared with which the shining of the earth is but deformity -- a fire "as high as deep as bright as broad as long as life itself," he stumbles over marriage, "a very trivial object indeed" to have destroyed the attitude in which he stood -- the ease of the philosopher unfathered by a woman. Unhelpful Hymen! "a kind of overgrown cupid" reduced to insignificance by the mechanical advertising parading as involuntary comment, by that experiment of Adam's with ways out but no way in -- the ritual of marriage, augmenting all its lavishness; its fiddle-head ferns, lotus flowers, opuntias, white dromedaries, its hippopotamus -- nose and mouth combined in one magnificent hopper, "the crested screamer -- that huge bird almost a lizard," its snake and the potent apple. He tells us that "for love that will gaze an eagle blind, that is like a Hercules climbing the trees in the garden of the Hesperides, from forty-five to seventy is the best age," commending it as a fine art, as an experiment, a duty or as merely recreation. One must not call him ruffian nor friction a calamity -- the fight to be affectionate: "no truth can be fully known until it has been tried by the tooth of disputation." The blue panther with black eyes, the basalt panther with blue eyes, entirely graceful -- one must give them the path -- the black obsidian Diana who "darkeneth her countenance as a bear doth, causing her husband to sigh," the spiked hand that has an affection for one and proves it to the bone, impatient to assure you that impatience is the mark of independence not of bondage. "Married people often look that way" -- "seldom and cold, up and down, mixed and malarial with a good day and bad." "When do we feed?" We occidentals are so unemotional, we quarrel as we feed; one's self is quite lost, the irony preserved in "the Ahasuerus tête à tête banquet" with its "good monster, lead the way," with little laughter and munificence of humor in that quixotic atmosphere of frankness in which "Four o'clock does not exist but at five o'clock the ladies in their imperious humility are ready to receive you"; in which experience attests that men have power and sometimes one is made to feel it. He says, "what monarch would not blush to have a wife with hair like a shaving-brush? The fact of woman is not `the sound of the flute but every poison.'" She says, "`Men are monopolists of stars, garters, buttons and other shining baubles' -- unfit to be the guardians of another person's happiness." He says, "These mummies must be handled carefully -- `the crumbs from a lion's meal, a couple of shins and the bit of an ear'; turn to the letter M and you will find that `a wife is a coffin,' that severe object with the pleasing geometry stipulating space and not people, refusing to be buried and uniquely disappointing, revengefully wrought in the attitude of an adoring child to a distinguished parent." She says, "This butterfly, this waterfly, this nomad that has `proposed to settle on my hand for life.' -- What can one do with it? There must have been more time in Shakespeare's day to sit and watch a play. You know so many artists are fools." He says, "You know so many fools who are not artists." The fact forgot that "some have merely rights while some have obligations," he loves himself so much, he can permit himself no rival in that love. She loves herself so much, she cannot see herself enough -- a statuette of ivory on ivory, the logical last touch to an expansive splendor earned as wages for work done: one is not rich but poor when one can always seem so right. What can one do for them -- these savages condemned to disaffect all those who are not visionaries alert to undertake the silly task of making people noble? This model of petrine fidelity who "leaves her peaceful husband only because she has seen enough of him" -- that orator reminding you, "I am yours to command." "Everything to do with love is mystery; it is more than a day's work to investigate this science." One sees that it is rare -- that striking grasp of opposites opposed each to the other, not to unity, which in cycloid inclusiveness has dwarfed the demonstration of Columbus with the egg -- a triumph of simplicity -- that charitive Euroclydon of frightening disinterestedness which the world hates, admitting:

"I am such a cow, if I had a sorrow, I should feel it a long time; I am not one of those who have a great sorrow in the morning and a great joy at noon;" which says: "I have encountered it among those unpretentious protegés of wisdom, where seeming to parade as the debater and the Roman, the statesmanship of an archaic Daniel Webster persists to their simplicity of temper as the essence of the matter:

`Liberty and union now and forever;'

the book on the writing-table; the hand in the breast-pocket."

Winslow Homer 1874 Moonlight, oil on canvas, PC

[robert-c]

The Goal Setters

There are people who like to believe that this is the only path to success. They repeat made up studies and statistics. One of the most famous claims is that a major Ivy League university (which one varies in different tellings) did a long running experiment following graduates. The results claim to show that those who had specific goals at graduation were more successful than those who didn’t. But, of course, none of the universities can confirm such a study. It sounds to me more like the sort of talk “goal setter” people have at a bar with others of their kind, perhaps at a college reunion, to justify their success and their obsession with setting goals all the time.

Many successful people have no more elaborate goal than to do their best each day in their chosen field. I always want to ask these goal obsessed people if they set a goal to be married by a particular date, and if so, how that worked out? Because in my life, the very best things that have come along were things I could never have foreseen let alone planned for, and rigid attention to a goal or plan would have made me miss them.

Having more general goals like; earning more, seeking bigger challenges etc. allow you to stay open to unexpected opportunities that might come along. Of course, goal obsessed people just change their goals and act like it was a natural evolution of their thinking. That’s a self-con in order to preserve the idea that their goals didn’t really change. This is likely to avoid feeling that they were wrong before (implied by changing their minds) and/or to maintain a sense of control over their life.

I won’t spend any time speculating on the sort of personality problems this implies, only because if it works for them I’m happy to let them go their own way. What I resent, and will no longer quietly tolerate, is the arrogant, insulting and completely unfounded notion that those of us who don’t have “five year plans” are somehow lazy, day dreamers who aren’t willing to work for what we want.

Instead of accepting their fake studies as fact or quietly helping spread them by repeating their assumptions, the rest of us should take a stand and say what we know to be true for ourselves. Too many people just assume that this must be right, even though they know it isn’t true for them. If you aren’t completely under the spell of goal setting, don’t ask the job applicant “where they want to be in five years”. Don’t let the loud and seemingly confident certainty of the goal-setters substitute for facts. People are remarkably different, and any statement that implies we are all motivated the same way ought to be seen as ridiculously false immediately. Given the pace of change in the world today, the idea of a five year goal is particularly silly.

What’s even worse in the employment scenario is the blind guessing game of assumptions it forces on the applicant. No specific goal (or one not seen as ‘ambitious’ enough) hurts the candidate almost as much as one that is too lofty or farfetched. Of course all of criteria for those judgments are subjective on the part of the interviewer and unknowable to the candidate; AND have absolutely nothing to do with the candidate’s ability to do the actual job they are applying for.

There is an amusing irony in the entrepreneur running a small business who applies this sort of test to their new hires. These businesses rarely have the ability to generate much in the way of actual advancement, especially as fast as the “ideal” candidates would like. So instead of having a stable workforce of people competent and happy in the jobs they do, there is continual turnover. And the owner wonders “why?”

One of the most prevalent, and pointless, time wasting exercises businesses engage in is the annual employee objective (goal) setting and the subsequent monitoring. The employee, even at most managerial levels, cannot control the resources they would need to accomplish any given objective. Directives come from the top down, and are rarely if ever fully taken into account when the employee’s objectives were not fully met at evaluation. The only objectives any employee can honestly make and be held accountable for achieving is the efficient and accurate performance of their duties.

The time to overhaul the procedures in your own function cannot be guaranteed to you. Even though your objectives are forwarded up the chain and supposedly approved, that approval does not come with time or budget to accomplish them. In today’s even more interconnected and interdependent functions, real improvement in one area will necessarily involve changes in other departments. But no one coordinates objectives at that level UNLESS they come from above.

For the most part, this development of objectives is ‘window dressing’. At the least it attempts to make employees and lower level management feel as if they have some say in the future of the business, are engaged, and at the worst it is just a way of making someone bring their own switch to their beating. “These were your objectives and you didn’t achieve them, now don’t make excuses.”

It’s past time to wake up and realize that there are no simple, “one size fits all” answers to issues with people. The belief in, and pursuit of, such answers is tempting because of their simplicity. We all like things to be simple. And yet, in complex situations, over simplifying isn’t really very smart.

Too often we hear top management talk about “vision”, being decisive and not getting “bogged down in the details”. It’s false that all analysis leads to an endless waste of time; and portraying it as a choice between “analysis paralysis” and impulsive, spur of the moment decisions sounds particularly disastrous in an information economy.

In a typical “business” article this is where the solution (usually in ten or fewer action points) is presented. As you should have guessed by now, that isn’t going to happen. Perhaps I’ll author another article about management but for now, we would all be doing a whole lot better if we quit thinking everyone should be just like us, or that there is only one way to be good and successful at our jobs. Oh, and the loudest and most persistent voices aren’t always as knowledgeable (or right) as they would have us believe.

[pamphletstoinspire]

Divine Mercy Sunday Solemnity; Liturgical Color: White True power pardons

In the Nicene Creed, we say that Jesus is seated at the right hand of the Father. When a judge walks into a courtroom, the bailiff announces, “All rise,” and the judge sits in judgment. In his see city, a bishop rests in his cathedra, and in his palace, a king reigns from his throne. A president signs legislation while seated at his desk. The chair is a locus of power. The power that emanates from such seats of authority judges, condemns, and sentences. Today’s feast reminds us, though, that authority also exercises power by granting mercy. When a judge pronounces innocence, the sentence is no less binding than one of guilt. The absolved exits the court into a new day, ready to begin again. And when the priest’s voice whispers through the screen, “I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit,” guilt evaporates into thin air. The purest and truest expression of power is the granting of mercy.

Mercy is a superabundance of justice, not an exception to it. When faced with a wound to the common good, those responsible for repairing the damage do not have two contrary options: justice or mercy. Justice and mercy are not mutually exclusive. Mercy is a form of justice. Mercy does not ignore the tears to the fabric of the common good slashed by crime and sin. Rightful authority notes the torn fabric, weighs the personal responsibility of the accused, and distributes justice precisely by granting mercy. Mercy does not turn a blind eye to justice, but fulfills its obligations to justice by going beyond them. After all, one cannot be absolved of having done nothing. Similarly, where there is no guilt there is no need of mercy. When justice calls out, two words echo back off the hard walls: “condemnation” and “mercy.” Mercy runs parallel to, and beyond, the path of condemnation. This is the mercy we celebrate today, the mercy whose greatest practitioner is God Himself. Because He is the seat of all authority, God is also the seat of all mercy.

God plays many roles in the life of the Christian—Creator, Savior, Sanctifier, and Judge. Our Creed teaches us that God the Son, seated at the Father’s right hand, “will come in glory to judge the living and the dead,” both at the particular and at the final judgment. At that moment, it will serve us nothing to state, in excusing our sins, that “God understands.” Of course God understands. To state “God understands” is just another way to say that God is omniscient and all powerful. “God understands” implies that because God knows the powerful temptations of the world, the flesh, and the devil, that He could not possibly judge man harshly. Yet “God understands” is a lazy manner of exculpating sinful behavior. When nose to nose with God one second after death, the repentant Christian should plead, instead, “Lord, have mercy.” Faced with the scandalous behavior of a friend or relative, the response should again be “Lord, have mercy.” Appealing to God’s mercy will melt His heart. Appealing to His knowledge will not.

The private revelations of Jesus Christ to Saint Faustina Kowalska, a Polish nun and intense mystic who died in 1938, are the source of the profound spirituality of today’s feast. Sister Faustina was a kind of Saint Catherine of Siena of the twentieth century. She lived a regimen of fasting, meditation, liturgical prayer, and close community life that would have crushed a less resilient soul. But Faustina persevered, amidst debilitating illnesses, sisterly jealousy, and respectful but questioning superiors. Her diaries are replete with the starkest of language from the mouth of Christ, showing that moral clarity precedes the call for mercy. Sister Faustina faithfully recorded Christ’s manly commands in her diary. One of these commands expressly desired that the Divine Mercy be celebrated on the Sunday after Easter. In an age old pattern familiar to an ancient Church, Saint Faustina’s private revelations were challenged, filtered for theological truth, sifted for spiritual depth, and granted universal approbation by the only Christian religion which even claims to grant such. In the soundest proof of their authenticity, the profound simplicity of the Divine Mercy revelations and of their related devotions were intuitively grasped and adopted by the Catholic faithful the world over.

Pope Saint John Paul II first inserted today’s feast into the Roman calendar on April 30, 2000, the canonization day of Saint Faustina. Saint Pope John Paul II was also canonized on Divine Mercy Sunday in 2014. And so the Church’s third millennium was launched with a new devotion that quickly eclipsed many older ones, a new piety rooted in the most ancient truths, a fresh appeal to a side of God that had not been fully understood in prior ages. Divine Mercy is the new face of God for the third millennium, a postmodern Sacred Heart. This is the God who leans in and waits with bated breath for us to whisper through the screen, “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.” This is the God who at the end of time, whether our own time or all time, waits to hear from our lips those few prized words “Lord, have mercy.” Having heard that, He need not hear anything more. And having received that, we need not receive anything more.

Divine Mercy, do not hold our sins against us. Be a merciful Father who judges us in the fullness of Your power, punishing when needed, but granting mercy when we need it more, most especially when we are too saturated with pride to request it.

__________

April 19, 2020 Divine Mercy Sunday (Year A) The Eighth Day in the Octave of Easter Readings for Today

On that day all the divine floodgates through which graces flow are opened. Let no soul fear to draw near to Me, even though its sins be as scarlet. My mercy is so great that no mind, be it of man or of angel, will be able to fathom it throughout all eternity. Everything that exists has come forth from the very depths of My most tender mercy. Every soul in its relation to Me will contemplate My love and mercy throughout eternity. The Feast of Mercy emerged from My very depths of tenderness. It is My desire that it be solemnly celebrated on the first Sunday after Easter. Mankind will not have peace until it turns to the Fount of My Mercy. (Diary of Divine Mercy #699)

This message, spoken by Jesus to Saint Faustina in 1931, has now come true.  What was spoken in the solitude of a cloistered convent in Płock Poland, now is celebrated by the Universal Church throughout the whole world!

Saint Maria Faustina Kowalska of the Blessed Sacrament was known to very few people during her lifetime.  But through her, God has spoken the message of His abundant mercy to the entire Church and world. What is this message?  Though its content is endless and unfathomable, here are five key ways that Jesus desires this new devotion to be lived:

The first way is through meditation on the sacred image of The Divine Mercy.  Saint Faustina was asked by Jesus to have an image of His merciful love painted for all to see. It’s an image of Jesus with two rays shining forth from His Heart. The first ray is blue, indicating the font of Mercy coming forth through Baptism; and the second ray is red, indicating the font of Mercy poured forth through the Blood of the Holy Eucharist.

The second way is through the celebration of Divine Mercy Sunday.  Jesus told Saint Faustina that He desired an annual solemn Feast of Mercy. This Solemnity of Divine Mercy was established as a universal celebration on the Eighth day of the Octave of Easter. On that day the floodgates of Mercy are opened and many souls are made holy.

The third way is through the Chaplet of Divine Mercy.  The chaplet is a treasured gift. It’s a gift that we should seek to pray each and every day.

The fourth way is by honoring the hour of Jesus’ death every day. “  It was at 3 o’clock that Jesus took His last breath and died upon the Cross. It was Friday. For this reason, Friday should always be seen as a special day to honor His Passion and ultimate Sacrifice. But since it took place at 3 o’clock, it is also important to honor that hour each and every day. This is the ideal time to pray the Chaplet of Divine Mercy. If the Chaplet is not possible, it’s at least important to pause and give thanks to our Lord every day at that time.

The fifth way is through the Apostolic Movement of The Divine Mercy.  This movement is a call from our Lord to actively engage in the work of spreading His Divine Mercy.  This is done by spreading the message and by living Mercy toward others.

On this, the Eighth Day of the Octave of Easter, Divine Mercy Sunday, ponder the above desires of the heart of Jesus.  Do you believe that the message of Divine Mercy is meant not only for you but also for the whole world? Do you seek to understand and incorporate this message and devotion into your life?  Do you seek to become an instrument of mercy to others? Become a disciple of The Divine Mercy and seek to spread this Mercy in the ways given to you by God.

My merciful Lord, I trust in You and in Your abundant Mercy!  Help me, this day, to deepen my devotion to Your merciful heart and to open my soul to the treasures that pour forth from this font of Heavenly riches.  May I trust You, Love You and become an instrument of You and Your Mercy to the whole world. Jesus, I trust in You!

[ramdassloveserveremember]

Ram Dass Speaks About Maharaji for the first time

When Ram Dass returned to the United States from India in August 1972 after being with his guru, Neem Karoli Baba (Maharaji), he appeared on a radio show and spoke about the experience for the first time.

“It’s a topic that is as big as any I can conceive of because I just turn into liquid when I even think about it let alone try to describe it. I’m looking at this moment at a picture of his feet, that’s how far out it is. I could describe his feet to you. But I think it is useful just to try to convey a little bit about my feelings about my guru.”

The delicate thing is that I’m not interested in creating desires in other people or making other people feel frustrated because they don’t have a guru in the same relationships that I do. Because what you and I may see in Maharaji is just what you and I see, and that’s because of what we need to see for our own work. And other people find their direction through ways very much other than the guru and so I’ve been very reticent to speak about this because of that. Otherwise, I think I would probably not want to talk about much else because where it is in my head. And he has never encouraged me to send people to him or to talk about him publicly, so you are the first person that’s even mentioned his name on the air.

I always called him “Maharaji” which covers many, many holy men in India which I think is the best way to deal with that, because those that he needs to have find him will find him, I guess. To talk about him a little bit… I get speechless.

On the physical plane, he is a jungle sadhu who has in recent years started to spend more time in temples around Northern India that devotees have built in order to try to capture him or hold on to a little bit of that light. And he appears in one and stays for a little while, and then just when they get all their rituals in order to hang on to him forever, he’s gone in the middle of the night, he just disappears again. I mean, not in any astral sense, he just gets somebody with a car to take him off somewhere. Nobody knows where he’s gone, and he turns up somewhere else. And he floats around in that way so that nobody can really control that kind of light in him.

When you’re with him, when I am with him, I experience many, many levels. At the personality social level he’s often infuriating and frustrating, and Mickey Mouse, and repetitive and childlike, and stubborn, and willful, and playful, and funny, and an old man, and a little child, and very concerned, and very indifferent, and that’s at one level.

At another level when I’m in his presence I experience ecstasy and bliss from the depth of the love that our relationship has for me. And that’s a drunken kind of love where I often find myself just dissolved into tears because I’ve just never experienced such profound love from any being.

And often just when I’m going into that he will interrupt it with some question like, “How much money does Stephen make?” or something like that, just to bring me back to the plane. He keeps me very firmly down in the physical plane until my work is done. He doesn’t allow me to just float around in bliss very much when I’m around him.

Then on a deeper level, this time when I was with him he said to me when I first met him, he asked me why I’d come back, and I’d told him to purify myself more, and he said, “I am always in communion with you.” And I have more and more deeply understood that to be the case and in fact, that’s now who he is for me.

He is a being who is with me always, and sometimes he’s with me so closely that I am him.

That is what I’m saying things to people, or I’m acting towards people in certain ways where I look at the reaction they’re having to me, and I see they’re not reacting to me, but they’re reacting to him. That is that he’s just coming through me completely. And at that point, I don’t feel his presence because in some sense I am his presence. And then the rest of the time I just feel like I am constantly hanging out with him at this very, very subtle plane.

And at this plane I just feel him as this gentle, firm, guide who’s slowly drawing me towards himself, just pulling me ever so gently. And there’s no rest, it’s a continuous process. And I take almost everything that happens to me as part of his teachings to me. I take everything if I can remember. Like if I get uptight about wanting to do good about something, I see him saying to me, “Well you’re still caught, aren’t you? You really still care, don’t you?” And I can just constantly talk with him all the time at that level.

He has devotees at many, many different levels of attachment to him. Some are attached to his body and to him, sort of as a grandfatherly figure to their families, in many Indian families. He has many, many Indian devotees or villagers, very simple people. And there are no big gatherings, ever, except a few small ones at the temples, but no great big public thing. And his sort of simplicity and humility is awesome.

He has just a blanket and a dhoti, and he sits on a wooden table. And when you go into the room he’s staying in you’re struck by the absence of everything that you would associate with somebody’s bedroom. There is no reading lamp, and there are no books hanging around, and there’s no evidence that there’s a human being living there. It’s just… he walks in, he sits down on this wooden table that’s sometimes covered with some quilt, and there he is, and that’s his universe, and he’s fulfilled. You can see, and there are many pictures of him just sitting by the side of a road, and that was enough for him.

Others are very attached to him because of the miracles that are associated with him. There are many stories that the Indians have of various things that he’s done that are showing the use of incredible siddhis, or powers, for all kinds of things. So many Indian people come to him asking for favors, asking him to use these siddhis.

And there is a very awesome quality about those interactions because they’re asking as if he were somebody who uses the siddhis or doesn’t. And the whole dance is almost as if he’s somebody who bestows grace or doesn’t. And at the same moment, when I’m sitting with him I see that there really is nobody there at all. There is merely a form. And that the only time that they are going to get what they ask for is if it is their karmic predicament that that should happen. And if it is further their karmic predicament that they should perceive it as happening through him. That it’s not like he’s sitting around deciding, “Shall I do it or shouldn’t I do it?” And even when he’s saying the words like he’s deciding whether he should or shouldn’t, that’s all part of their karmic runoff; that you begin to see that all he is is a manifestation of the desires of the people around him.

And that a being like that only is in form because of desire of other people, because there isn’t any desire in him. And every time you project desire in him, that’s why a being like him is such a pure mirror, because he keeps showing you where you’re not.

Because if you get ten people sitting around talking about him everyone will describe him a different way. And they’re all describing, of course, it’s like the blind man with the elephant. Each person is describing what he’s touched of him, and he’s touched what he was capable of touching. You know the story of the blind men and the elephant, I assume. Where one touches the tail, and another touches the leg, and another touches the side, and another touches the trunk. Later they’re talking at lunch, and one blind man says an elephant is very like a tree, and another says no he’s like a snake, and another says he’s like a wall. And they get into a tremendous fight because each of them has touched a different part of the elephant.

Then there are other devotees who merely see him as God incarnate. And they are just very humble before him, and they ask for nothing. And they just serve him in any way they possibly can. They just feel so blessed to have a being like that in form, to be even near. There is one particular being who is one of his closest devotees, I guess. It’s interesting, see he doesn’t have any big ashrams or there’s no ‘scene’. And most the time he just throws you out if you go near there. He lets you stay five minutes and sends you away. So you can’t collect him, you can’t hold on to him. You can’t just hang out the way you’d like to. Unless that’s what your work needs to be at that moment.

But there is one devotee, he’s a professor, he’s a PhD. He’s a professor of economics. He’s the head of an economics department at a major university in India. And he is one of the older devotees of Maharaji. And his devotion is a model for me of this form of yoga that I’m pursuing, which is really called guru kripa, or the method of the Guru. And he pursues the total surrender to Maharaji.

And here is a man who in his own right, he’s the editor of the leading economic journal in India, very reputable high intellectual being, and everything in his life is done only in relation to Maharaji. He only keeps his job or works because Maharaji tells him to do that. And when he’s with Maharaji his service is so total and pure. It’s just as if, if you look at your hand and you go to make a fist, and you notice how your fingers come together. Each finger doesn’t think for itself, “Should I come together?” You send a message and the fingers come together. And he is exactly like a finger on Maharaji’s hand. He’s just a perfect instrument. There’s not any place in him that has that little will that says, “Should I do it or shouldn’t I?” Or, “But you said…” or anything like that. He’s just a perfect, perfect extension. He’s like Hanuman is to Ram.

Then there’s the other aspect of Maharaji, of course, in which he is very intimately related with Ram and Hanuman. Just how intimately related is a source of some mystery to those of us that are around him. There are many beings who have reported being with him when he has turned into Hanuman. And there is one man that every time he comes near Maharaji he takes one look and he passes out cold. And when they revive him all he says is, “All I saw was a huge monkey!” And my feeling is that on an astral plane, or in another plane, Maharaji is, he is Hanuman, he is Hanuman manifest at this time. That’s who I think he is.

But even that is only a game, you understand. Because a being who is nobody is everybody. And he’s merely taking that form because that’s the particular form that’s connected with that particular sect.

I think it would be even too limiting to call him anything at all. Because in a way a being such as that is every way you think of him, he is. And there’s nothing you can say he isn’t, in a funny kind of a way.

He’s known to show up in many places simultaneously, to appear and disappear, to all these kinds of things. And he always denies it all, by the way. I mean he leaves you always with the doubt. He leaves you always in a very funny space, that if you were going to test him you’d always come away saying, “Oh well he’s just an old man in a blanket”. And it’s only those that are saying, “Look, the hell with testing, I’m going going going”. Those are the ones that start to experience his grace.

And that’s the predicament with the West. People say to me, “Look, if he’s so high why doesn’t he come here to the West and demonstrate his powers for us so science can get ahead?” And that’s like asking the elephant to reorganize his life in order to serve the mosquito in some kind of a way. I mean, Western science is just a trivia in the presence of a being like this. It’s all nice and well-meaning and good, but the rational mind is just another little dance.

And it’s only when you’re thinking of moon, and tides, and the Sun, and universes, and the passing of yugas and kalpas of time, and timelessness, and eternal beings and so on that you’re dealing in the realm of Maharaji.

And the quieter your mind is, the more you’re sitting in your own ajana where you can meet him. Any time you want to meet him all you have to do is bring your mind totally to one point right at your ajana, at the place between your eyebrows. And all you have to do is ask for him. Your thought brings him, anybody, any human beings thought brings that pure guru to him the moment that thought is pure enough, intent enough, single-minded enough.

A guru only exists to serve his devotees, that’s the only reason for his existence. And seeing him in the physical form is only another part of the dance and another part of the illusion.

The devotee, the economist I was telling you about said to me once, “I am closer to Maharaji when I’m away from him than when I’m with him, because when I’m with him my senses get in the way, I get lost into enjoying because he’s such fun to hang out with.” And it’s interesting, that it’s true for me that I’m meeting him in a much deeper place when I’m not around the melodrama of the temple life with him. At the same moment, of course, it’s fun to hang out with him. But less and less is that a pulling matter.

Like for me it doesn’t really matter whether I go back to India or not. It would be fun, but I don’t think I’m going away from him. When he just threw me out of India this last time I was sobbing and a woman came up and said, “Don’t cry, you can come back,” and I said, “I’m not crying out of sadness, I’m crying out of bliss.” I said, “I’m just so happy that he’s even telling me to do anything because I just want to be an instrument of him.” That’s all I can ever ask him, is make me a pure instrument of your will.

And that’s the far-out thing because no longer do I even have a desire to be enlightened. I’m not interested in becoming, being all done.

That is not a realistic thing for me. It may happen or it may not, I don’t know. But I feel a thing because he has kept saying to me, “I’ll do that for you, I’ll do it for you.” And what’s been happening to me is that more and more I am less and less in evidence to myself. More and more I’m just, whatever it is I am doing at the moment. I mean it’s just happening. I’m just action, I’m not self-conscious action. And I can feel that I am, in a sense, becoming like a finger on his hand, or like Hanuman is referred to Ram in relation to the breath of Ram, it’s the breath of Ram.

And I’m perfectly content to be the breath of Maharaji. That is, I think, enough of that.

– Ram Dass, 1969