#[ this applies to all the verses where he hides his true self really... ]

[tiianwens]

29. Reaction to sudden interpersonal disaster (eg close family member suddenly dies) --- for the excessively detailed hc meme !

the excessively detailed hc meme.

putting his heart under a thousand locks and doing what needs to be done, and then processing it much, much later. too many people died on him, and he's been hurt in other ways too many times (in both lifetimes), but any sort of disaster is usually a call to action. his skills are needed, so he has to stay level-headed and cool to make sure no one else gets hurt, and of course, the first instinct that kicks in is to protect his disciples. the aftermath will leave him shattered where no one can witness it, but on the outside he would usually appear so calm and unperturbed that it would be only natural to assume he doesn't care at all.

the same applies to conflict/interpersonal painful situations. if it's possible to leave and avoid, he'd leave and avoid. if it's not (e.g. in 0.5 verse where the discomfort is constant and escaping the situation physically isn't an option), he'll try to distance his mind and heart from it as much as possible, usually involving going nonverbal and avoiding any form of communication. the man is too proud to let his true feelings be known. he's not really used to anyone giving a damn either, so it's easier to just keep everything bottled up and slowly pull the thorns out one by one and assess the damage while no one watches.

but when i think of the worst case scenarios for him (big story spoilers ahead for those who are reading the book and don't want plot twists to be ruined!!), there are two amazing illustrations:

— the realization that he fucked up in 0.5 if he managed to a) allow his disciple to be affected by a horrible, irreversible curse that slowly but surely eroded and erased his entire personality and b) watch the man he loved turn into a monster and deem it the result of his own hatred rather than a curse. because when conflict occurred, CWN was the one to distance himself where he could've apologized (he wanted to apologize, yet he chose to do it by proxy who followed his instructions and didn't mention that he was the one who made the goddamn wontons).

and it left him with the horrible knowledge that he couldn't share with anyone, as he knew that whoever was behind it would be watching closely and things could become worse. it left him defenceless on so many levels because he couldn't do anything to help (as it was too late and he didn't have a golden core anymore) and he couldn't even hide behind the facade of resentment anymore — it's easy to hate a self-made monster, but not so easy to hate someone you loved and failed. when i say that sex scenes in 2ha aren't skippable because they contain essential character development, chapters 247-250 or around that are the ones on my mind. the realization left CWN in such an intense emotional disarray that he threw the remains of his dignity out of the window and for the first time showed that he wanted this too. and for him, in that verse, it's huge. and yet he collected himself and managed to come up with a plan to do something, even though he had nothing to counter with and the damage was irreversible.

— and secondly, having to deal with a massive calamity after losing many people he held dear and most importantly, Mo Ran. i can't think of anything worse than what he's gone through at that point. he watched the man he loved get destroyed by an angry mob, knowing that he wasn't guilty. he slaughtered his way through to at least give him some peace, while being very much aware that saving him was no longer an option. and after all that he knew he had to go on, he had to face the living corpse with the same face and the same memories, the twisted and distorted projection of his beloved.

but he managed to put that grief on hold and he almost single-handedly thwarted the big evil plan in action. he made sure that whoever wanted to be saved was saved, and only then did he ask to 'let him be selfish for once'. and that selfish want, to him, was to die with Taxian-jun (the wording still sends me, it's such an insane detail). so he locked that pain away, did what had to be done, and then allowed it to finally consume him.

[captainseamech]

//okay but consider: Human!Tide getting to start hanging around and even ending up falling in love with someone but not having the heart or even courage to go further in a relationship because of the constant feeling of having to be honest with who he really is

[touchmycoat]

Oh I love the transformed into a kid trope - it's so much easier to be affectionate with a kid and I love it when it's a reversal and the strong protector is the one vulnerable. Do you have headcanons about what LQG was like as a kid?

YES ME TOO!! goodness, baby Qingge. Not to get dramatic but I think whatever his non-courtesy name is, specifically the character(s), would really influence his personality. I remember pondering this question (being 98% sure that he doesn't have a canon little name right???) and looking up chengyu for fun characters to use. Then I found Yǒng (from 吟花詠柳 and 詠桑寓柳) and being like omg, this is perfect, it means recitation, is linked to Liu/willow in a lot of literary ways, and would give an explanation for why his courtesy name gets Ge/song. Then I went, wait a minute, that sounds kind of familiar. SURE ENOUGH, Liu Yong is exactly the name the Incomparable Feynite's given LQG, though someone with a stronger memory should tell me if Feynite's ever given the exact character. I'd really lose my mind if it's 詠.

(by the same principle, maybe Liu Mingyan's small name is Liu Li, 笠 as in a farmer's straw hat, from 煙蓑雨笠, meaning to hide your identity and live a carefree life MISS PSEUDONYM)

So, Liu Qingge, small name Liu Yong, A-Yong, Yong-er. His parents get to be cute sometimes and call him Huahua 'cause yin hua yong liu. Growing up, he doesn't say much but not in an icy way. He's big brother, so a lot of principles about right and wrong get instilled in him. One of his parents though, is a little bit of a Fucker and likes to complicate his right/wrong binary, and as a kiddo, Yong-er would frown and think about a philosophical quandary for hours. You can totally distract him by sending him out to do physical tasks, but as he sweeps the grounds or re-thatches the shooting targets, you'll see his little brow start to pucker again as motion becomes rote and questions start forming again.

He's clever! It's just that all of his process is internal. Not that he needs to be alone to sort things out, it's just that he only ever verbalizes conclusions.

I don't think he was a prodigy right out the gate. I think he was really good at discipline and followed all dojo protocol, all martial rituals to a tee. He learned things point-by-point in a pretty mulish manner and sometimes fell behind other students because he couldn't let one unmastered thing go, because he couldn't move on without figuring it out.

(In comparison, LMY began her training with a lot more tendency toward creative flourish. LMY's journey was about learning the discipline while LQG had to find himself in the discipline.)

A-Yong was active all over the place, but as time went on, he began devoting a lot of his energy to martial arts & cultivation (in canon-verse). He started to win fights but also to lose them. Thanks to his parents, he's a very methodical problem-solver, and first approaches the problem in terms of "Oh, I'm not fast/strong/sharp/flexible enough" and works hard to improve those. But when that doesn't do the trick, he asks his other parent, who asks him in turn what he notices when he spars with LMY. Genius, is the first word he throws out because it's what he hears a lot, but both himself and his parent frowns because that's not concrete, and therefore not useful. Creative is what he says next. Parent tells him agreed. So what does it take to be creative?

Yong-er is both a smart cookie and very, very self-determined. he does trust and rely on his family to a degree, so consults them. A-Li says she finds it fun. Brother says I find it fun too and Sister says no, you like it, but you don't do it for fun. He asks his other parent who says when is Hua-er creative?

Liu Yong comes to the conclusion that "creative" can be applied to him, just in a definition closer to "creation" than Liu Li's "creative." And Liu Yong creates when he speaks. After immense gravitas of thought, he speaks his answer, and sometimes, parents and other adults express surprise at what he's determined. The answer to taking his martial skills to the next level (to elevate them to the point of martial artistry) would, then, be to run all the skills and moves he knows through his own reckoning. What does he truly think of them? How does he judge them?

That first time he takes all he knows and processes them through himself, he comes out a new man. His martial arts has notably ascended, and he's cracked through that barrier of creativity to completely take ownership of his form and body. He's comfortable forming his own moves on the spot, reactive and sharp and disciplined all at once.

(The internal processing is also where his qi deviations happen. Not that it's overly common with him or anything, but when there are mental and spiritual blockages, his mulish tendency to not move on bites him in the ass. He catches on something and doesn't move past it, determined to untangle it, which stifles his qi flow and fucks him up.)

In terms of mannerisms, I think he really hasn't changed much. He's still intently serious and action-oriented. He's still fairly gullible. He takes after Frowny Parent (the one he goes to first with martial issues) in subtle stickiness—he's not overtly social but in his downtime, he prefers to just be doing things in the same space as people he loves and trusts. He used to toddle after Frowny Parent all the time like a little tail; Smiley Parent (the one who's a little bit of a Fucker) likes to quietly gesture Frowny Parent out of the room, sit them in some other room to do some other thing, and see how long it takes for Yong-er to follow and find them. It's like playing hide-and-seek with the kid without even letting him know they're playing.

True to his name, Yong-er does really regal recitations. Not intentionally, but he comes off super dignified and his pacing is superb. Frowny Parent gives him classic poems to memorize and recite, Smiley Parent teaches him bastardized versions with one or two lines changed to really flip the whole meaning of the poem. Parents have Yong-er run back and forth reciting poetry and songs as combative flirtation. A-Yong knows the Adults Are Doing Something, but is a dutiful son who obeys instructions regardless.

A-Yong and Xiao Li get on very well, despite the difference in their ages. When Xiao Li was just learning to walk, parents said once, pretty casually, "watch out for your sister," and A-Yong took that to the very core of his being. For a long time, A-Yong would set Xiao Li down in the middle of a field with a bunch of toys and things, and just sit with his legs crossed not to far away to watch over her. He's a super serious kid, and once, when Smiley Parent lightly suggests that he doesn't have to sacrifice his own fun to watch A-Li, Yong-er just looks up confused. Sure, he's not having fun, but whatever, he likes watching over his baby sister just fine. He doesn't need to "have fun" when he can be doing this.

[alto-angel]

in this post, i would like to present my thesis on why the song metaphor by the crane wives belongs to goro akechi.

"i've gotten good at leaning on metaphors": goro's speech as the detective prince is very flowery, exaggerated, and calculated, in order to please the crowds of people with their eyes trained on him at all times. public appearances, television shows, and interviews are all very important for his image, and as such he's forced to adapt his speech and choose his wording carefully to appease those watching. robbie daymond especially does a very good job of vocally pushing the line of politeness into a tone that sounds just a bit too sugary to be genuine, but not something u would notice unless u were listening closely.

"i've gotten good at living on someone else's page": much like the first line, this one can also refer to goro's public image. because he's put an immense amount of work into his life as the detective prince, he aims to please. or at least, he needs to act as though he does. in order to keep up appearances, he needs to be able to get a read of those around him and keep himself on the same wavelength as them. this also applies to shido—not only does goro need to please his fans, but shido as well, in order to stay one step ahead of him. goro is purposefully putting himself on eggshells every day of his life, and in order to keep that up as well as keep himself safe, this is what he has to practice.

"i cut my teeth on secondhand sentiments": goro is often forced to follow a script, or at least an embellished, public-friendly version of his own thoughts. the things that he says when acting as the detective prince are rarely ever his own thoughts as they would be presented in normal conversation. goro has to hide his true opinion of the phantom thieves behind crowd pleasing buzzwords, keep up appearances by catering his opinions, and even quotes philosophers and other literature ("to paraphrase hegel"). the things that he says as detective prince goro akechi are rarely ever entirely his own, and he's gotten very good at tailoring his speech.

"you can't trust a single thing i say": this one, i think, is fairly self-explanatory. the "you" doesn't just apply to the phantom thieves, but to those goro works with as well. what is it he says to sae; "to trick your enemies, you must first trick your allies"? he uses deception to get what he wants, but his primary motivation for it is to move his plan forward, and to protect himself. obviously, if he were honest with shido, he would've been killed on the spot. goro's proficiency with lies isn't just a tool he uses, but a defense mechanism as well. bc of his fear of and difficulty grasping the concept of opening up to someone, through that skill, he is able to keep himself closed off and in control (that is, until he meets akira).

"i keep my closet free of skeletons": this one strikes me as irony, personally. goro's closet is so full of skeletons that it's practically bursting at the seams. but as the detective prince, something like that just isn't allowed. he needs to play the part, otherwise he pays the price. as himself, as goro akechi, he's got so many skeletons in his closet that he probably can't open the door anymore. but as the detective prince, he has to uphold an air of perfection that seems unattainable to others. goro as the detective prince is the epitome of the culture behind the idolization of celebrities, and the way others place and expect them on pedestals of something near godhood, far above the rest of the world.

"cause i'm much better at digging graves": well, goro akechi is certainly no stranger to the art of killing someone without a trace. we have no idea how many shutdowns or breakdowns he induced over the course of his professional relationship with shido. but i also think this lyric in tandem with the one right before it could relate to goro's tendencies towards repression; the idea that he cannot and should not have any "demons" or "skeletons"—such as past traumas, meaningful relationships, or feelings that he's jammed down and shut the closet doors on, if u will—bc since vengeance is his only objective, then digging graves is his primary task, or the only thing he's good for, in his mind. the word skeletons doesn't have to represent mistakes specifically, but could also refer to how goro views his own heart and how he deals with his emotions. something like, he feels he shouldn't deal with all that turbulence, bc he's far better at warping it into anger—something that he's used to dealing with, and can easily rationalize. the more complicated emotions, not so much.

"but i always dig up bones in your sympathy": this is where i start connecting things to goro and akira specifically. another definition of sympathy entails two people who share an understanding of each other. doesn't that sound like goro and akira to u? so, if u take these lyrics to be from goro to akira, it feels to me like this one could represent his regrets/desire to leave his situation. according to rank seven of his confidant in royal, we know that goro is practically screaming for help before the events of sae's palace. unfortunately, as the player, we are not able to save him. but i think this lyric could represent his desire to connect with akira despite his better judgement—"dig up bones," as in; i'll still arrive at the decision to bury them in the first place, but bc we have an understanding, i'll show u as well as i can that i do not want to be doing this. and that's exactly how rank seven with goro plays out, through the metaphor of a billiards game.

"i can't trust a single thing you say": this could refer to the fact that both goro and akira are withholding truths from each other throughout their relationship, and since they are of equal standing, the same deception that applies to goro would apply to akira as well, albiet in a far different way. however, i can also see it as an unwillingness on goro's part; he feels as though he cannot trust akira not bc akira is truly lying to him, but bc there's no other way for him to rationalize the fact that akira cares for him and wants to spend time with him. as goro akechi, not the detective prince. goro can't trust the kindness akira extends to him not only bc he's used to conditional love (shido, foster parents, etc.), but also bc he doesn't feel as though he deserves it. goro does not have a very high image of himself, as we see later on, and it's easy to see throughout his confidant that he cannot quite understand why someone would want to spend time with him, and not the perfectly crafted version of him that he presents to everyone else.

"don't look too hard, cause you won't like the scars he left in me": the "he" here refers to shido. shido is the sole reason for all of goro's trauma and hardships. he has scarred goro more than anyone else in his life. and goro's sharing of these traumas is very limited: he opens up seemingly out of nowhere, before immediately retreating under the guise of things like "oh, that isn't like me," or "oh, am i bothering u?" such as the scenes that take place in leblanc and the bathhouse. goro cannot fathom the fact that someone (akira) would wish to get to know him, as he is, so he assumes that a normal interaction between friends is somehow too much transparency, and keeps himself at a distance. he mistakes his feelings for akira as hatred, right? obviously, that's entirely the wrong word to describe them. but if goro himself believes that he hates akira, he would likely believe akira to hate him as well; as evidenced by the fact that the dialogue options which give u the most points are the ones where u mention ur "rivalry"—bc again, goro cannot rationalize his emotions as anything other than negative; anger, hatred, etc. it's far easier for goro to blurt out the words "i hate u" rather than "i love u," or "i care for u," isn't it? and this is how he keeps himself at enough of a distance, although simultaneously feels himself drawing closer. emotional closeness is not something goro is well versed in, and bc goro has built his image on being talented and skilled, he refuses to reveal his shortcomings.

"i've gotten good at making up metaphors": the words here are only slightly different than the ones at the beginning, which i think works for goro's further descent into his deal with shido, and subsequent difficulty. instead of "leaning" on metaphors, he's completely making them up. it's more drastic, which could represent a sort of desperation. almost as if he's losing his touch—which we do see after the events of sae's palace, during the tv interview where he monologues internally about his backstory, and we start to really see how damaged he is. goro is frazzled and distraught, enough for it to visibly show, something he prided himself on being able to avoid.

"i've gotten good at stretching the truth out of shape": again, the same situation as before. similar to the beginning, with slightly harsher wording. the lies that goro is immersing himself in are getting more intense, and almost impossible to separate from. his "murder" of akira is a turning point, in a way; akira is the first and only character we see goro kill in what he believes to be outside of the metaverse. he's not only stretching the truth out of shape, but he himself is bent out of shape as well—this stuck out to me on my ng+ run; his sprites in the scene just after akira is reported to be dead from him to shido are very unsettling and absent, as if he's almost completely zoning out. it's a very jarring scene to watch, and i think at least part of that has to be due to the severity of his actions.

"and all these words are sweet and meaningless": this feels to me, if we're going by the timeline i've been suggesting throughout all this, like it's directed at shido. now that akira is dead and the phantom thieves are no longer a threat to goro's plan for revenge, he can focus his energy back on his original objective. goro lays it on incredibly thick in his scenes with shido, so much so that it sometime surprises me that he didn't realize shido was onto him. again with the more intense wording here, which fits with the events i'm corresponding it with.

"you can't trust a single thing i say": now this wording is exactly the same as the first time, but given the progression of everything i've talked about, i take this as a sort of last word to both shido and akira. goro intends to follow through with his vengeance no matter the cost, and this could read as a final nail in that coffin. the song repeats this lyric four times, as well. if i wanted to keep it up all the way up to the engine room scene, and go completely off the rails in the process, i could say that the first iteration of this line is an affirmation to both shido and akira that his revenge takes precedence, therefore it would be stupid to trust him. the second is an affirmation to himself that he is in fact doing the right thing, and everything will pay off in the end, that this is just the way things are supposed to be, as always. the third is a kind of plea, born from confusion, after he's defeated by the theives and they offer to bring him with them to take down shido, an offer he cannot fathom the reason for extending. a sort of "why would u trust me" in the form of "u shouldn't trust me." and the fourth would refer directly to goro speaking to his cognitive self; as he decieves the deciever, making it seem as though he is running back to shido only to close the bulkhead door and resign himself to his "noble" sacrifice.

i hope at least some of this makes any semblance of sense. put this song on ur goro playlists, goroboys.

[flowercrown-bard]

Birds Still Sing When They Fall From The Sky

part 1  part 2  part 3  part 4 belongs to this

The trembling notes of a lute drifted through the air, unsure, faltering. Yet brimming with the energy only a bard ready to take on the world could have.

A sharp twang, as fingers missed the correct string.

“No, love, like this.” Jaskier said gently, followed by the chords as it should have sounded.

Geralt’s brows knitted together, as he entered the cottage, exhausted from the day’s ride that had been hard and fast in Geralt’s eagerness to get home to Jaskier as early as possible.

Another missed chord, as the young woman sitting next to Jaskier startled at the sight of Geralt. He nodded at her in passing, but his eyes were on Jaskier’s smile, when he got up and crossed the room to embrace Geralt.

“Geralt, you’re back!” Jaskier’s embrace grew tighter, before he pulled back, looking Geralt over for injuries like he always did. Wrinkled fingers brushed a strand of hair out of Geralt’s face, as Jaskier looked at him critically, before nodding in satisfaction. “Handsome as ever.”

“What a generous verdict.”

“You’re not going to say it back?” Jaskier asked with mock offence, playfully hitting Geralt’s chest.

Geralt’s eyes darted over to the women, who was pointedly looking at the old lute in her lap, but risking what were probably meant to be subtle looks of curiosity at them.

Jaskier followed his eyes and smiled sheepishly.

“This is Sera.” At the mention of her name, the woman gave up the pretence of looking like she was busy and gave a small wave. Geralt looked at her more closely. Something about her seemed familiar, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on where exactly he had seen her before. “I am giving her lessons.”

“I want to be a bard like Jaskier some day.” Sera perked up and Geralt could detect a hint of insecurity in her voice, though the determination overshadowed it.

Geralt shot her a look that probably only Jaskier could recognise as a grin. “A word of advice: learn how to climb out of windows.” He ignored Jaskier’s snort. “If you’ll become anything like Jaskier, you’ll need it.”

Jaskier nudged him in the ribs. “Or you could just find yourself a witcher who can take care of any arising problems for you.”

He even had the audacity to throw a wink in there for good measure. Geralt had to look down to hide the smile that was threatening to show. Out of all the things old age had already claimed, Jaskier’s ability to slip an innuendo into a perfectly innocent conversation was one talent Jaskier held onto with stubborn pride. Geralt wouldn’t have it any other way.

Contrary to Geralt, Sera didn’t hide her reaction. She openly snorted. “I’ll keep that in mind.” Her fingers twitched on the lute in her arms. “But maybe I’ll just stick to the music lessons for now.”

“Right!” Jaskier clapped his hands, rubbing them together eagerly, before he halted and shot Geralt a worried look. “You don’t mind, do you, dearest? I didn’t think you’d be back so soon. Of course, I understand if you want your peace. We could just go somewhere else for the rest of the lesson.”

He tilted his head in question and Geralt felt unexpectedly sheepish. The tips of his fingers rubbed together, a gesture that hadn’t always belonged to him.

“Actually,” he cleared his throat. “I was wondering if I could listen to you.”

Jaskier brightened at his words. “That is a wonderful idea! Sera, do you mind?”

She shook her head with a lopsided grin. “I’m already used to singing for an audience.” She paused. “Though I must warn you, I am relatively new to playing the lute.”

“Nonsense!” Jaskier waved her off. “Here’s a lesson for you: Being humble is a virtue, but not one suitable for a bard. Never sell yourself short.”

A laugh escaped Geralt. “A lesson you yourself really took to heart.”

“Naturally. There is a difference between knowing your limits and selling yourself short. And Sera here,” he pointed a finger at her. “has been taken lessons from me for weeks now, whenever you are away.” Something in Geralt sagged in relief, knowing that Jaskier wasn’t alone and restless while he wasn’t around. “She is good. I would be disappointed in my teaching qualities if it were any different.”

A thin blush crept across Sera’s face. “Alright then. I am good. Should we continue?”

At Jaskier’s nod, she stuck up the song she’d been playing before again. While Jaskier corrected her finger placement, Geralt sat himself down in a corner, eyes fixed on Jaskier’s stern but gentle expression when he gave instructions.

His chest felt warm and he was sure if Sera had looked up she would have seen a fond look that normally Jaskier was the only witness to. Geralt’s didn’t care enough to keep it off his face. It had been too long ago when Jaskier had given up his teaching position in Oxenfurt. He had loved it, but “the life in the road is far more interesting. It’s calling out to me!”.

Their small living room was no substitute for a lecture hall, but It was good that at least Jaskier still had this. As much as Jaskier had always talked about Geralt being an inspiration for him and that it would be a shame to let that inspiration go to waste, the same could be said about Jaskier. Geralt couldn’t count the myriad of bright-eyed bards now roaming the continent solely because Jaskier’s tales and teachings had inspired them. They had all looked up to him, just as Sera now looked at him with unabashed admiration.

Jaskier must have given her a sign Geralt had missed, or maybe Sera’s confidence had taken hold of her, for the next time she strummed a chord, it was accompanied by a clear voice.

Geralt’s eyes snapped to her. So that’s where he knew her from. Her voice, now weaving words about sea faring, lighthouses and storms had rung through a tavern, confident and a little drunk, singing sea shanties and folk songs while Jaskier had told him he wasn’t fit to sing anymore.

“She’s better than me,” Jaskier had said back then and though Geralt still didn’t believe that was true, his heart clenched sweetly at Jaskier’s shining eyes when he saw his young student move transition to the next verse. Sera wasn’t a better bard than Jaskier. She was hardly even a bard at all. But now, watching her close her eyes and sing about a traveller seeing far-off places and experiencing all the wonders of the world, Geralt could see what Jaskier saw her. Despite Sera’s brown eyes, it was hard not to see the young bard, blue eyes filled with wonder and hunger for the world, that had approached Geralt in Posada in her.

Far too quickly, the lesson was over. Sera left with rosy cheeks and a tired but ambitious look in her eyes, leaving Geralt and Jaskier alone in their home.

“That wasn’t one of your songs,” Geralt said at long last.

Jaskier huffed, putting his hands on his hips. “I am not that self-absorbed to only teach my students how to play my own songs.”

“You absolutely did while I was away, didn’t you?” Geralt deadpanned.

Jaskier threw his head back laughing and held his hands ups in surrender. “Naturally, I did. You know me too well.”

Never too well. There wasn’t a single facet of Jaskier that Geralt didn’t wish to know.

Jaskier clenched his fingers, stiff from demonstrating chords for hours, before coming over to sit by Geralt’s side. “It was her own song. Truth be told, I don’t think the lute is right for Sera, but it is the only instrument she owns and she needs to be able to play at least one original composition on an instrument if she wants to apply to Oxenfurt.”

“She wants to leave?”

“Don’t all bards?”

“Do you?”

Jaskier was quiet for a while, only absentmindedly humming the melody Sera was working on, his fingers forming the shapes of chords in the air. “It’s about returning home.” Geralt’s brows drew together and Jaskier clarified. “Her song. It’s about coming home. We’re working on it together. Sera is a bright student, but she doesn’t know much about the feeling she wants to convey in her songs.”

“I thought it sounded rather well. A bit like yours when you wrote about a hunt.”

A smile tugged at Jaskier’s lips and he scooted a bit away so as to better look at Geralt. The position was painfully, beautifully familiar. It was the same position Jaskier always took, when talking his own writing process over with Geralt. The way his hands waved through the air, as if it would make it easier for Geralt to understand the intricacies of chord-progressions or rhyme schemes, was the same. Sera might never become better than Jaskier, but Jaskier cared so much about her and her song, it was impossible for Geralt not to do so too.

“Ah, but here’s the problem,” Jaskier said. “She doesn’t want to write about adventures. That’s not what the song is about. Not really. That’s what she wants to experience herself, but the song isn’t about her.”

“And she needs you to tell her what it feels like to want a home?”

Fingers brushed against his hand. Geralt twisted his hand to interlace them with his. Jaskier gave him no answer, and Geralt had no need for one.

The sun had already begun to set when Jaskier got a strange look in his eyes. Geralt’s hand followed his unbidden, when Jaskier pulled away.

“What are you doing?”

Jaskier didn’t look back to him over his shoulder, instead rummaging through a drawer. “I need paper. And a quill.”

“Been struck by inspiration for a new song?” How he hoped that was it. He was yearning for Jaskier to talk about his own compositions the same way he talked about Sera’s, with the same joy and knowledge that he was still creating. That he was still here.

“Something like that.”

Barely supressed sounds of frustration left Jaskier, when he came up empty.

Geralt hummed in thought. “I think you used the last one on the letter to my brothers.”

“Oh.”

Something tugged at Geralt’s heart at the small sound. “Do you regret it?”

“Writing letters?” Jaskier sounded so incredulous that the brewing tempest in Geralt’s chest calmed. “Never.”

“I could buy a notebook for you,” Geralt said when they were nestled together in bed at the end of the day, the frustration having ebbed away from Jaskier, though his fingers were still twitching with the need to write down whatever it was that was coming to life in his head. “Tomorrow, when I go to the market again.”

Jaskier pulled himself closer against Geralt, tugging his head under Geralt’s chin. “You are a darling.”

“You could tell me about your new idea now. So that you don’t forget come morning.”

“I won’t forget,” Jaskier said firmly. He was quiet for a moment and Geralt listened to his heartbeat. Steady, like the beat of a lullaby. “And it’s not time for you to know yet. I want it to be perfect.”

“You never bothered before. I have witnessed your writing process enough times not to judge you.”

“It’s not about judging me.”

“Then what is it about?”

“About you.” Jaskier lifted his head and pressed a soft kiss against Geralt’s jaw. “I’ll let you read it when it’s time. I promise.”

[castielstiddies]

Okay so I'm balling over this goddamn song and destiel and I need to let you all know why so here it is: An Analysis of the Lyrics and Why They Fit Destiel Perfectly.

I just want to point out that Andrew Rannells (Whizzer) and Christian Borle (Marvin) perform this perfectly and I love them.

This is a very long post so be warned before you press that button.

It's important to have context so we can connect these two pairings together properly and bring more meaning out of this song like it deserves. So the main part of the synopsis says:

"Marvin, after Whizzer’s death, reflects on their relationship and how loving Whizzer has changed his life. Whizzer’s spirit come back, dressed as he was in the first scene, both commenting on how they changed each others lives and on the future they were robbed of."

Now let me just change some words here and we'll see how we all feel:

"Dean, after Cas’s death, reflects on their relationship and how loving Cas has changed his life. Cas’s spirit come back, dressed in his trenchcoat, both commenting on how they changed each others lives and on the future they were robbed of."

Are you crying yet? Don't worry we haven't even seen the lyrics yet.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"[MARVIN]" Now I'd like to start off by saying that Marvin has been with both men and women and he's struggled with his own internalized homophobia and has found it difficult to openly love Whizzer throughout the show. The parallels are clear between Marvin and Dean.

"What would I do If I had not met you?" You can think of this two ways. One - What would Dean have done if Cas had not met him in Hell and saved him? Still getting tortured or more likely torturing others, an experience that he hated and wished to never live through again. The second (and I think better) way to think of this line is, when Dean met Cas on earth. How meeting Cas changed his life forever, opening him up to a whole new world of having someone who thought that he deserved to be saved and who gave up an entire army for him. Who proved his love and loyalty to him time and time again. So what would Dean have done if he had never met Cas on Earth? What if Cas never reached out to him after saving Dean from Hell? A little bit later in this verse Marvin sings...

"There are no answers"

...in regards to this question. Because there really are no answers to what would Dean have done without Cas because we simply can't imagine it. The same goes for Dean. Cas has changed his life so much that it's impossible to imagine what his life would be like without Cas.

"Who would I blame my life on?" When Christian Borle delivers this line on stage it's said with a small, sad laugh. Similar to how Dean uses humour to hide his feelings, Marvin does too.

"Once I was told That all men get what they deserve Who the hell then threw this curve?" Despite everything Cas has done wrong, Dean and all of us know that Cas did not get what he deserved when the Empty took him. We believe he deserved to be happy with Dean and Dean thinks so too.

"There are no answers But who would I be If you had not been my friend?" The word 'friend' here is what really ties it to Dean for me because they were friends first, they helped eachother through thick and thin before love started to seep in as well. Sure there was attraction from the beginning but it's about the fact that Dean's only shown to have one true, close best friend, and that's Cas.

"You're the only one One out of a thousand others Only one my child would allow" Alright so this line I did struggle to link to destiel, I was thinking about Jack and Claire but they're Cas's children. But what if we think of the 'child' as Sam. Dean raised Sam so it's easy to see him as his 'child' and it's important to Dean that Sam accepts the people that he's friends with. This is even more important with Cas because Dean may want to have a relationship with him in the future and also Cas lives in the bunker... with them. Dean definitaly needs Sam's permission if he wants Cas to live in their home. It's clear that Cas and Sam are the people Dean cares about the most and to have Sam 'allow' Cas to stay in their home and share their space is something that's really important to Dean.

"When I'm having fun You're the one I wanna talk to" Cue every gif of Dean smiling while hanging out with Cas or talking to Cas over the phone.

"Where have you been?" Where has Cas been for all of Dean's life? He completes Dean, builds up his self-confidence and assures him that he is wanted, needed and important. Just where has Cas been for all of Dean's life?

"Where are you now? So on this note there's a beautiful key change into the next part and it just makes it so much more profound. (Also Dean has no gosh darn clue where Cas is, who tf is the Empty?)

"Who would I be If I had not loved you?" This moment is fucking beautiful. It's Dean finally speaking his truth and telling Cas, wherever he is, that he loved him. He loved Cas and that changed him for the better, made him into the person he is today.

"How would I know what love is?" Dean has never been told so openly and honestly by anyone about how he is important, he's worthwhile and that he deserves to live a happy and full life, no one has done that besides Cas. No one has shown their loyalty and love to him in the most blatant and profound ways possible, giving up an entire army, rebelling against their own family, sticking by his side no matter what. Staying. How would Dean know what true love is without Cas constantly showing him what love means and what it feels like be loved fully and truly. Of course Dean has experienced love before, he's been in at least 2 other relationships (that I can think of off of the top of my head) but he's never felt love like the way he does with Cas.

"God only knows, too soon I'll remember your faults Meanwhile, though, it's tears and schmaltz" Of course as Dean relives memories of Cas, he'll be reminded of all of his faults, all of the things he did wrong even when he thought that what he was doing was right (Leviathians, Lucifer). But for now, Dean will breakdown and cry and grieve but most of all he'll remember Cas and how much he loved him.

"[WHIZZER]" Alright so Whizzer is a character who has never been shy about his sexuality, about how much he likes being with men. Similar to Cas who simply doesn't understand why people hide who they're attracted to until Dean came along and taught him differently.

"All your life you've wanted men" I like to think that this line applies to both Cas and Dean and I'll explore that with the next two lines.

"And when you got it up to have them Who knew it could end your life?" This is getting a bit meta now. When Dean was so very close to finally speaking his truth on screen, he died. (And in some versions he does speak his truth but that's another story). There was no reason for Dean to die in the finale, who knew that when he finally shared that he loved another man he would be killed for no reason two episodes later.

This line can also be in reference to Cas's experience. When Cas was finally able to tell Dean that he loved him, when he finally gained to courage to not only share his feelings but also to have his happiness ripped away from him, he died. Dean and Cas both knew what was going to happen when Cas said those words. It wasn't a surprise, yet it still felt like one.

"[MARVIN] I left my kid and left my wife" This is the moment when I could not stop crying and thinking about destiel when listening to this song. Dean left Lisa and (totally not) his son in season 5.

"To be with you" Of course it's a little bit of a stretch to say that Dean left Lisa and Ben solely for Cas (expecially since I think Dean realised his love for Cas in Season 7-8 so the timeline wouldn't make sense for me) but I like to think of this line from the perspective of Dean grieving Cas and looking back on how Cas changed his life. Of course he would remember that he left Lisa and Ben in order to be with Cas because that was 10 years ago and the memory is now muddled with grief, time and his now unwavering love for Cas. "To be insulted by such handsome men" This line just reminds me of the scene in the car when Cas and Dean are arguing (you know what I'm on about)

"[WHIZZER] Do you regret—?" Cas is asking Dean, do you regret loving me? Do you regret letting me into your life? Do you regret our friendship? It's beautiful to think that Cas feels vulnerable in this moment, he thinks that Dean regrets letting him into his life.

"[MARVIN] I'd do it again I'd like to believe that I'd do it again And again and again..." Now Dean's the one to build Cas back up, to assure him that he does not regret a thing. He's building up Cas's confidence and supporting him just like Cas has been doing for Dean.

"And What more can I say? [WHIZZER] What more can I say?" They're both lost for words, what do they say now? They know that they love eachother and they know that they won't be able to be together because of Cas's deal. What do you say in that situation?

"[MARVIN] How am I to face tomorrow?" Dean still has to continue living, without Cas. In 15x19 he's drowning himself in beer as he grieves the loss of Cas. How can he face tomorrow after Cas has confessed his love for him and then died in a matter of minutes? How can he face tomorrow knowing that saying that he loves Dean, that by having Dean know that someone loves him, is the happiest moment Cas has ever felt?

"[BOTH] After being screwed out of today" Haha screw...

"Tell me what's in store" They're still looking to eachother for guidance and support despite the distance between them.

"[MARVIN] Yes, I'd beg or steal or borrow" Dean's turning to things that he can control in order to deal with his grief. Despite the finale ending I think it's widely accepted in the Destiel fandom that Dean would work night and day until he got Cas back from the empty.

"If I could hold you for One hour more [WHIZZER] One hour more [MARVIN] One hour more [WHIZZER] One hour more [BOTH] One hour, one hour more" Now that they know that they both love eachother, that they could have had everything they wanted if they just told one another. They're begging all of the higher powers that there are that they could enjoy what could have been for one hour. Simply relishing in the fact that they are happy and in love and that they are both wanted.

"[MARVIN] What would I do [WHIZZER] What would I do [MARVIN] If I had not seen you? [WHIZZER] If I had not seen you? [BOTH] Who would I feast my eyes on?" Once again I'm just thinking about the idea of that 'one hour more' and how they would constantly compliment one another and freely look at each other without shame or embarrassment and to just allow themselves to have everything that they wanted.

"Once I was told That good men get better with age [MARVIN] We're just gonna skip that stage" This can be seen two ways, one is that Cas simply cannot age and Dean is once again using humour to hide his grief. Or my favourite version which is that Dean never got to grow old with Cas, (I strongly believe that Cas would allow his vessel to grow old with Dean). Dean wanted to live a normal life, he wanted to get a job and stop hunting but most of all he wanted to grow old with Cas.

If you watch the live version of this song here: https://youtu.be/ZscL4LOLP7Y

You'll hear how Christian Borle's voice cracks when delivering this line. The rest of the lyrics are repeats of lines that I've already covered.

And I'm done boys. Thank you for sticking with this very very long post but I needed to get this out somewhere.

I highly recommend watching Falsettos for yourself if you want to get a better insight into how Marvin/Whizzer and Destiel compare or if you just like the look of it.

[owenshire]

Robert Muhlbock (virtually) Inducts Nine Inch Nails into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame 2020

Nine Inch Nails. One band, and often one man, with a computer (and guitar) against the world. Oh yes, Nine Inch Nails have added members for live performances and gained members (well, a member) for studio compositions, but from this “band-like-musical-entity’s” earliest days, it was just one person—one person who combined pop-hooks with industrial whirs, and harrowing rage with uncomfortable vulnerability. And his name is Trent Reznor.  

No one should claim that Nine Inch Nails invented a genre. They didn’t. But they sure as hell popularized and perfected it. Electronic, Industrial, ‘Disco Death Metal’—whatever you want to call it, the labels don’t really matter.  In fact, I think the genre should just be called “sounds like Nine Inch Nails” which is compliment enough on its own, right?  

Nine Inch Nails are one of the most important, vital, inspirational, talented, and unique of musical artists. I love them. And now I’m going to tell you why…in a lengthy video essay, so settle in.  And if you don’t have the fandom or attention span for what I’m about to say, go back to consuming shitty tweets and dumbfuck Instagram posts because you’re not wanted here anyway.

                            _______________________________

My first introduction to NIN began like so many others: by catching the iconic video for “Head Like A Hole” on MTV—the band rocking out amidst electrical wires and magnetic tape, until it seemed like the entire writhing mess would consume them whole.  It’s an image as potent today as it was some 30 years ago.

However, my real introduction to NIN was originally steeped in urban legend. I was in grade 10 and I heard Pretty Hate Machine played on my school bus on the way home. The owner of this cassette tape, a “cool girl” who shall remain nameless, told me that the album was “out of print” and “unavailable.” In short, she assured me that I would never be able to find a copy, but, guess what, I did.

In a trade with former MMA coach Shawn Tompkins—and in my grade 10 art class no less—I swapped two ninja stars for a box of his old cassette tapes, and Pretty Hate Machine was one of them. This was my own NINJA moment, if you will—does anyone get that reference—anyway, upon witnessing said trade some random guy in my art class immediately offered me $25 for the Pretty Hate Machine cassette tape—a king’s ransom in 1990—but of course I wouldn’t sell. I knew it was valuable—and in more than one way. Instead I played the hell out of the cassette in my Walkman. I was 14 years old. “Terrible Lie” was my favourite song from the album. And it still is.

And then—poof—like that, NIN dropped out of my life. Where’d they go? Well, I guess they were making a name for themselves during Lollapalooza 1991, white chalk dust and all. Not that I knew any of this. Pre-internet I had no idea what was going on.  In fact, I wouldn’t hear any new NIN music until almost a full year later when one of my friends with a penchant for industrial music introduced me to the Broken EP. As he handed me his CD for borrowing, he warned me that it was “pretty extreme.” And he was right. The Broken EP is why album warning stickers were invented: it was a fist to the face, a kick to the face—it was even an ass to the face.

Anyway, the Broken EP was my real introduction to the seemingly bottomless rage of NIN. When I heard Broken I was just starting to get into so-called “heavy” music, but nothing could have prepared me for the lyrical and musical brutality of “Wish.” While Reznor’s litany of profanity was extreme—at least to my sheltered 16 year old ears—what truly staggered me was the song’s main riff (you know the one I mean) the one that is so distorted, so disturbing, that it sounds like a guitar being burned alive while flailing in a wind tunnel.

I’d never heard anything like it before—it wasn’t cock-rock; it wasn’t fake satanic rage done for laughs, theatre or to impress--no. Instead it was the audio embodiment of complete destruction and utter despair. And 30 years later, it’s lost none of its power.

                          __________________________________

These same sentiments must be applied to The Downward Spiral, Nine Inch Nail’s career defining work that launched the band into mainstream success. Too often discussions of the record get bogged down by emphasis on “Hurt” or “Closer,” or, to some extent, “Heresy.”

Yes, “Hurt” is the perfect album closer and expression of pleading vulnerability, and, yes, “Closer” and “Heresy’s” choruses were brutally raw and shocking in 1994 (and, it should be said, still above average shocking  in 2020), but I feel the album is best presented as a whole. This was the beginning of NIN’s discovery that (to paraphrase one rock critic) just as much tension can be generated with a whisper as with a scream.

Dynamics have always been a huge part of NIN’s’ sound, and The Downward Spiral stands as a defining moment.  The album, as all of you know, begins with “Mr. Self Destruct” (well, that’s not entirely true—the album actually begins with the audio of what appears to be a man being beaten to death while submerged underwater)—but anyway, “Mr. Self Destruct” was as sonically astonishing to me as “Wish” was two years prior. As I listened to the verses of “Mr. Self Destruct” I kept asking myself “Is it supposed to sound like this? I can’t hear what he’s saying”—it was such a cacophony of meticulously detailed and layered noises, but of course not without substance or a melody: its quiet refrain of “And I control you” buried so deep in the mix, it mirrored the subconscious itself.  

“Mr. Self Destruct” gives way to “Piggy”—again a haunting track that’s almost tender and such a shock in sequence given the song that preceded it. Again. Dynamics. Surprise. Making the atypical typical in the best non-traditional way. Does that make any sense? Anyway, I felt the same way about the mini-piano solo/ lyric pairing of “now doesn’t it make you feel better” before the dramatic pause in “March Of The Pigs”—I don’t think any of us saw THAT coming. I was literally shocked when that phrasing appeared out of no where, emerging like a tiny ironic rainbow out of the whirlwind of thrashing drums, crazy guitars, and “stains like blood on your teeth” screams the preceded it.  

Speaking of screams, the title-track of The Downward Spiral still stands as a monument to vulnerability, despair, and pure abject horror. It’s the only song I’ve ever heard that I am afraid to listen to. When I listen to The Downward Spiral, I wait for the song the way a child hides behind a blanket awaiting glimpses of a film monster: I know it’s coming, and I know it’s going to be horrifying…and it always is. So why do I subject myself to it?

                                     ______________________

That’s a fair question. Let’s be frank here: Nine Inch Nails isn’t for everyone. It takes a certain personality to fully appreciate the band’s complete package of black, blue, and bleeding, “but you can dance to it!” Still, NIN is more than mere nihilism and hopelessness. Those who label the band in such ways, kind of miss the point. To me, NIN has always been—lyrically at least—about catharsis: I suppose ALL music functions as such—a tool of understanding, and a mechanism for coping. Trent Reznor once commented on the vulnerability of his lyrics, saying in an interview with NPR that his topic of choice was less about vanity than it was about delivering a performance with honesty and integrity. The only topic that mattered—his emotional struggle—was the only subject he could speak about with authority and with conviction.

However, it just so happens to be a struggle that millions of other people share. When Trent Reznor sings “Now you know/ this is what it feels like” on The Fragile’s “The Wretched,” he is inviting his audience to share in his pain. Whether he intended it this way or not, his is a gesture borne or isolation but ending in comradery: many of us certainly know what “this” “feels like.” And many, many more of us can certainly relate to the words “Dear World, I can hardly recognize you anymore.”

In short, Trent Reznor’s lyrics, as personal as they are, speak for us: his fans. He speaks for me. He still does.

Interestingly, themes consistent in NIN’s best work offer a type of almost emotional ambivalence: caring, but not caring; wanting to be helped, yet rejecting help; and most importantly, wanting to be alone, yet desperately wishing to connect with others. The songs “We’re In This Together” and “The Fragile” perfectly illustrate these sentiments.   To me, it is no coincidence they are sequenced side by side on the “some-critics-didn’t-like-it-at-the-time-but-have-since-come-to-their-senses-album” The Fragile.

                                      _________________

Musically, however, NIN is best known for three distinct styles of music: computer chaos, groovy beats, and symphonic soundscapes. I’ve touched on the first—and will return to it—but for now, let’s discuss the second. I’m not a huge fan of the term “death-disco”; however, NIN’s long list of ass-shaking beats, should not be overlooked. What began on Pretty Hate Machine with “Sin” and “The Only Time,” pleasantly resurface on “Into The Void” only to be perfected on “The Hand That Feeds,” “Only” “Capital G,” and “Discipline” not to mention a large portion of Hesitation Marks.

But back to computer chaos—or maybe just chaos in general. I can think of no better example to illustrate my point than the final coda to the song “The Great Destroyer” on the fabulous dystopian opus Year Zero—one of my favourite albums of all time: the sound of things falling apart—wires frayed, systems destroyed, screens cracked: static humming and ‘please stand by’ messages flicking forever. The Eater of Dreams. “All we ever were—just zeros and ones.”  

                                           ____________________

The final cornerstone of NIN’s musical contribution is soundscapes and instrumentals, and what a can of worms THAT is given all that’s transpired since 2011.  Anyway, when The Fragile was released in 1999, more than a few fans bemoaned its inclusion of no less than 7 instrumentals, and yet these contributions have always been a signature addition to NIN’s body of work: from “pinion,” “help me I am in hell,” “a warm place,” the deeply personal “La Mer,” to Ghosts I through VI, NIN’s experiments with sound have always been integral to their songwriting process—a willingness to experiment and a love of discovery which surprisingly, yet somewhat inevitably, lead to NIN’s work in soundtracks. Beginning somewhat inadvertently with Tony Scott’s Man On Fire (look it up), and then deliberately on the video game Quake, this creative direction eventually resulted in (as we all know) various Oscar and Emmy nominations and wins for Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross, and yeah, while technically not “Nine Inch Nails” releases, I think we can all agree it’s hard to separate the two sometimes because as we all know, the line begins to blur, amiright?  

The point is this: Nine Inch Nails were and are no strangers to pushing boundaries musically, visually, and artistically. Some defining unconventional moments in the band’s career to me are as follows:

·  The 97 one-second tracks on the Broken EP before its final two songs; the infamous Broken film itself—a movie I found on a bootlegged VHS tape and rented for a mere 1 dollar at the time—and then proceeded to wish that I never did.

·  Moving on, there is of course the band’s seminal 1994 Woodstock performance, where the musicians arrived on stage in a foggy haze, caked head to toe in mud, and bringing the apocalypse with them;

·  Next we have the Alternate Reality Game developed around the release of Year Zero,

·  There was the free download of The Slip; and the free downloads of Ghosts V and VI some years later

·  Who could also forget about the NINREMIX website where fans were invited to remix the band’s songs and post them for all to enjoy, and copyright be damned.

·  Um, there was also that time they said “a heartfelt fuck you” to the Grammy’s.  

·   And finally we have Nine Inch Nail’s unexpected live appearance on the rather toned down Austin City Limits.

And the list goes on. Trent Reznor once explained such actions in the most self-aware terms possible: he likes pushing himself (as well as his fans) out of comfort zones, to flirt with mainstream conventions but to approach and execute them as only Nine Inch Nails can: with integrity and—to borrow Trent’s appraisal of the late David Bowie—“uncompromising vision.”      

                               _______________________________

Speaking of integrity and uncompromising vision, NIN’s humility is one of the band’s most inspiring and endearing characteristics. In Reznor’s case, we’re talking about an accomplished artist who admitted publically that he still feels he has so much to learn about his craft—that he’s barely scratched the surface regarding his mastery of sound and songwriting; a man that mocked his own starry eyed expression upon receiving an Oscar by pairing it with the caption “I see unicorns” and inviting fans to provide similar self-deprecating taglines.  A man who speaks in measured tones about his opportunities and successes in his life—and does so, repeatedly I might add, quietly, humbly, and gratefully.  

Such self-awareness is extremely rare in show-business let alone by a band that’s achieved as much as Nine Inch Nails.

And guess what? Here’s the thing. I think there’s no stopping them. With Nine Inch Nails—particularly, Trent and Atticus no matter what they call themselves and until they are inducted into the IHOR as solo artists, anything’s possible:  

·  Scoring a children’s movie? The upcoming Pixar film Soul? Why not? Let’s have some more. Give me a children’s album!

·  Creating a vintage jazz ballad (the unparalleled “The Way It Used to Be”) in a week and making it indistinguishable from other songs of the era? Of course!

·  Winning a Tony Award to become part of the EGOT club—I say sure. In fact, prediction: before the end of the world (so basically, in about 30 years) Nine Inch Nails will get an EGOT.  There. Prove me wrong.

                                       ______________________

In 1997 Spin Magazine once hailed Trent Reznor as “the most vital artist in music today,” while in that same year Trent Reznor appeared on Time Magazine’s list of the top 25 most influential Americans.

These accolades were well earned; however, I prefer a statement made by some music magazine critic whose name escapes me in their review of a Nine Inch Nails album whose name also escapes me: they said, “we can only hope something else pisses him off,” sentiments which I’m sure are echoed by many, and to which I reply…there seems to be no worry about that.

                                      ____________________          

Nine Inch Nails encompass a facet of popular art that is as necessary as it is compulsory: they remind us that the world is not pleasant; tragedy is inevitable; the game is rigged; faith is a lie; and everyone you know will abandon or disappoint you.

But guess what? If you’re lucky, the way out is through, motherfuckers.

I am honoured to induct Nine Inch Nails into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.  

[karui-kyofu]

Mobile Friendly BNHA Verse Muse Info

Under read more because it’s long.

GENERAL INFORMATION

Full Name: Kurai Amayo

Hero Name: Underworld

Age: 15-16

Gender: Male

Orientation: Pansexual

Species: Human

Occupation: Student

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE

Hair: Silvery almost white, worn kind of messy, and usually a bit unkept but somehow it still USUALLY looks good.

Eyes: Pure gold in color, sometimes seem to have catlike pupils but other times it seems to have been a trick of the light.

Complexion: Pale as hell. Constant dark circles under his eyes.

Height: 5’9

Weight: 130 lbs

Build: Slender, almost seeming overly skinny, but he’s healthy enough.

Scars: Several. Too many to really specify where. 

Piercings: Double ear piercings (the lobe) (I ignore the one for his faceclaim that has his neck pierced too. Kurai just has his ears pierced.)

Face claim(s): Kadoc Lemlupus

BACKGROUND

Ethnicity: Japanese

Parents: Currently Unnamed parents, both villains (Open to fleshing out some info about them though if needed)

Siblings: Unnamed, two, a brother and sister (also both villains, or eventually will become them).

Pets: Fish

Education: UA Academy

Languages: Japanese, English

Abilities: Nightfall (vampiric + light manipulation) One from each parent; It’s not exactly a void, but he can essentially make an entire area around him within a certain range so completely dark that no light can pierce through it. It also somewhat muffles sound, since it’s one of those tangible yet intangible sorts of blackness. It’s heavy, and thick, but can’t be touched or cut, or dissipated (though if he is killed or knocked unconscious it vanishes).

The second half of his ability (or more accurately his second quirk, from the other parent) is more straightforward, giving him vampiric like physical boosts (some increased strength, speed). Permanently boosted because of his quirk (even when speed and strength are not): Sight and hearing (to a small degree).

Summarized Personality Traits: Shy and awkward but friendly, somewhat low self esteem, difficulty trusting others but wants to, constantly afraid people will shun him for his parentage. Seems antisocial, but really is just not the greatest with people. Likely keeps to himself mostly, or hangs around near people but never WITH them unless invited.

Other Important details to note: Most people have probably never seen his face properly because of his light sensitivity issues, and the fact he wears hoodies and sweatshirts with a special sheer face covering to minimize light. He does take it off sometimes though, and will reveal his face if asked to.

Also it's not due to his quirk, more his personality (he is often almost deathly quiet) and just kind of a natural thing from a number of factors, but he has kind of a diminished presence and tends to not be noticed unless he speaks. Some more observant people though will likely be more aware he is there. But it's part of the reason why he sometimes seems to suddenly appear out of thin air. He was probably already there, people just didn't realize it.

More detailed background information (and in depth personality and quirk info):

Kurai was born as the child of two villains (not giving them names currently, and they’re not meant to be any currently known villains). Neither were very important, but despite his parents alignment, Kurai never really took to the whole villain sort of lifestyle (he’s far too big of a softie), and eventually he ran away, and ended up applying to U.A., and managed to get in.

He does have difficulties still in this verse with being in bright places due to his upbringing (he was raised in mostly dark places), and almost always hides himself in a dark coat or hoodie, his favorite and most common ones having a sort of sheer black mesh covering the face to help with his light sensitivity, so most people have never seen his face properly without it being hidden in shadows. He’s not the greatest with people, tending to shy away from them. He’s also very skittish about being touched, and tends to keep to himself. He’s pretty convinced that if people find out his parents are both villains, that he will be shunned, and so he keeps it to himself. The school is aware though of his parentage and he had to go through extra steps to prove he wasn’t a villain himself before he was allowed to properly apply. 

Appearance wise, he’s actually decently attractive, if a bit disheveled, apart from the constant dark circles under his eyes. Messy, rarely brushed silvery colored hair, and vividly golden eyes, his pupils sometimes seeming almost catlike, though it might be a trick of the light, or a manifestation of his quirk. He’s also got a little bit of an unusual slight point to his ears, and they sort of stick out weirdly, almost like a little elf.

His room is kept nice and dark, and all his lightbulbs have been replaced with blacklight bulbs, which are some of the only lights he can tolerate consistently, so his room has a rather eerie glow. Most of his belongings have some sort of glow factor to them (lighting under his bed, one of those blacklight glow fish tanks, lava lamps, etc), because he just really likes that sort of glowing, blacklit look. It’s also soft lighting so it’s something his eyes can tolerate.

Kurai has some unique quirks in the sense he got one quirk from one parent, but he also got a second one that sort of mutated from his other parent, so it’s not quite the same as theirs. Somewhat vampiric abilities associated with his tasting blood (rarely used because he hates it, but it boosts his strength and speed some), any kind of blood, and any amount, even a drop, for a short time. But more commonly, he has an ability having to do with light manipulation, causing the area around him to be engulfed in total darkness, as if his opponent has been transported into a void. Which is true in a sense, as some aspect of his ability seems to muffle sound as well, covering his movements when he’s in battle. If he uses both of his quirks, he can be a formidable opponent, but he’ll never be as powerful as some of the other heroes out there. His night vision is amazing, though his daytime vision a bit less so, unless he has one of his special hoodies on. His vision in general is a little sharper than most, and his hearing is also enhanced a little, courtesy of his quirk, but both are only slightly better than the average person, and not anything significant. 

As for downsides to his quirks, his vampiric abilities tend to torture him more emotionally rather than having a physical downfall, though he can sometimes get tired and lethargic after his ability fades. His light manipulation ability has a currently limited range, as he’s still learning fully how to control and expand it, but currently he can basically black out an area around him within about 40 feet if he pushes himself. His void type ability also can be bested by someone who is able to sense body heat or movement by means other than sight or hearing. 

As far as his actual personality, he’s actually really friendly if someone makes the effort to get past his fearful, antisocial seeming exterior. He actually really wants to be included in things, but he’s just really not sure how to go about it. He doesn’t see himself as someone that others would want to be friends with, because he grew up surrounded by villains who treated everyone like they were replaceable and everyone only cared about themselves. He’s almost far too nice for his own good, and he definitely has to work on his confidence in both himself and his abilities. He cares a great deal about those around him, but he won’t say anything most of the time unless presented with a situation he feels he has to. It most likely will take a little effort to get him to open up to others, and a little bit of persistence. If he does speak, he tends to speak softly, unless startled or frightened, and when afraid of something, his instinct is to hide in the closest dark little safe space he can find (such as under a table or beneath a bed). He absolutely hates bullying though, and when he feels confident enough, he will speak up, despite his fear of others, and stand up for people if he catches someone bullying another student.

He is slightly mentally unstable, hearing whispers sometimes in his ears, about how he isn’t good enough, how he should just give up, quit, how no one likes him, no one could ever like him, and other things like that. This is another side effect of his upbringing, his softhearted nature being a detriment to surviving such a childhood without some damage being left on him. He also rarely sleeps more than a few hours at a time, which is partly why he always looks so tired and why he’s always got those dark circles under his eyes.

He secretly would sneak out and do nice things for people when he was a child, even though he was punished and made fun of for it by those in his parents circle. The fact he couldn’t help himself from doing things like that, or from protecting animals or just doing little helpful things, was one of the signs he was not meant to be a villain. 

He has two siblings, both older than him. After he ran away, his parents basically pretended like he didn’t exist anymore, because he disappointed them by being too soft and kind, and because he refused to use his abilities for villainous acts.

(I have finally figured out what his hero costume looks like. Feel free to ask me, and I’ll send some pictures.)

(This verse is still new and tentative so more info will be added as I interact with him with people.)

[idkwhoiamanymorebutwtf]

What song do you associate with Gumball Watterson?

Ooh, there are a few! Not all of them are an exact fit for him but I think of him when I hear a lot of them. Below are two songs (along with a detailed analysis on why I think each one is fitting). There are more that seem to fit him but these are the big ones off the top of my head. 

Fine, Great by Modern Baseball is one. The song really strikes me as someone who tries to pretend they care less about things and people than they do, tries to seem annoyed with those around them, comes off as apathetic. “But it’s alright, and i’m okay, I don’t need your help anyway” is one example, showing how the person responds to other’s worrying about them, brushing it off and trying to act like they don’t want the support they clearly need. This reminds me of Gumball because he’s known to act like he’s fine when he isn’t (the shell is the biggest one example where he told his family he was alright and then went and cried his eyes out, and while usually it’s more subtext than that, his tendency to pretend things that upset him aren’t a big deal is present a lot) and usually he deflects any worry people may show for him by being sarcastic and snarky with them because when people are annoyed with him they don’t usually see through his fake apathy. “All I wanna do is worry about everyone but me” is another one, showing that the person doesn’t focus on themselves as much as other people. Now within the context of the song it probably means they try to help other people instead of helping themselves, however worrying about other people doesn’t necessarily have to be caring about them or innocent concern. I mean, have you ever had a teacher tell you not to worry about other people when you complain to them about someone else breaking the rules? “Worrying about” someone could be focusing on their negatives and they way they’re messing up, and it’s been established that Gumball often deflects his own insecurities by focusing on other people’s. The whole verse “I’m so tired, or maybe just bored, I can’t really tell the difference whenever i’m talking to you, and I know that you just adore starting off with me that way there’s no way i’ll assume that you’re wasting all of my time to vent about your problems like how your instagram stopped working or how you’re friends bailed on you but it was funny because that was the day you were supposed to hang with me....yeah about that...” also strikes me. The part where they say “I’m so tired” could definitely be a sign that the narrator has some emotional issues and depression going on that would make them ‘tired’, but not wanting to confide in the other person they quickly backtrack, changing it to be talking about how bored they are with the conversation and how annoying the other person is. Again, I think Gumball purposefully portrays himself as selfish and tries to act all bored an judgey and apathetic specifically so people don’t look too deeply into him and all I can think about when I hear those lines is him talking about how annoying Alan is because he’s nice to Gumball and Gumball doesn’t know how to deal with someone being nice and patient and actually acknowledging his emotions since he uses being a bit of a jerk to deflect that exact sort of attention and usually people don’t look much deeper. The whole verse “I’m guilty as charged for leading you on a lie that I know it’s easy to see, but it’s crucial to blot out any signs that I might have feelings This way you don't ask me, how am I? This way you won't force me to proceed with actually having to tell you my worries, with actually having you give a damn about me....you giving a damn about...” has the same implications but it actually shows that a lot of people around the narrator notice something’s wrong but choose to take the opportunity to ignore it. ‘Leading you on a lie that I know it’s easy to see’ is saying that their false apathy is see through and that people can easily tell that it’s not real, however with, ‘it’s crucial to blot out any signs that i might have feelings’ it shows that not only does the narrator encourage people to ignore the emotions they try to hide, but that most people, seeing through the lie, purposefully take the opportunity the narrator gives them to ignore it since they don’t actually care, they just don’t want to be responsible if the narrator has some sort of breakdown, and they take the deniability the narrator gives them without a second thought. ‘this way you don’t ask me how am i, this way you don’t force me to proceed with actually having to tell you my worries, with actually having you give a damn about me..’ strengthens that. The people in the narrators life don’t actually care about the narrator’s feelings or mental stability, they don’t really want to know how the narrator is, they don’t want to deal with the narrator’s issues, they just want to look good by going through the motions of asking so they can say they tried, and the narrator, not wanting to talk about themselves or their issues, is happy to oblige and give them an out. Once again this reminds me of Gumball. The people around him love him but they also wanna believe everything is fine with him because they have their own stresses and if they found out he wasn’t okay, they’d be forced to deal with that, both out of a sense of obligation to take care of their loved one, and because they do care about him. It’s not that they don’t care, but they want him to be fine so they don’t have to deal with it if he’s not, and so when he tells them that everything’s fine and deflects by being all annoyed and apathetic, they want to believe it so badly that they do because they’ve got enough issues to deal with themselves. However it obviously comes across to him as if they just don’t care, and so he hides even farther because now he thinks nobody cares. At the very end of the song the narrator repeats the first few lines of the song “ I hate worrying about the future cause All my fucking problems are based around the past, and I hate when you call me late at night just to check in to make sure I got nothing to be sad about But it's alright and I'm okay I don’t need your help anyway.”, except with more emotion than the first time because the narrator is even more hurt by the apparent unconcern of those around them, which I find fitting of Gumball because while it’s true that the kid has a lot of emotional issues, the one I think effects him the most, is that he feels like those around him (especially his family) don’t really care about or need him.

Saint Bernard by Lincoln (ignoring a lot of the religious tones to the song and taking them as metaphor). The song starts off with the line “Hung pictures of patron saints up on my wall, to remind me that i am a fool—” and honestly what immediately strikes me about this line is the narrator referring to themself as a fool as if they legitimately believe themselves to be one. It strikes me that they have very low self confidence, and that reminds me of Gumball, especially since the narrator described themselves with the word ‘fool’ and Gumball has been lead to believe that he’s stupid. Now whenever I picture this song when thinking about Gumball I don’t use patron saints because....the religious references are just metaphors (at least in my interpenetration since...Gumball doesn’t have much to do with religion, lol) and I actually think of his siblings filling the role of the patron saints in this song. Someone above him, who’s better than him, who he doesn’t necessarily resent but who he still feels some level of hurt towards for them being better than him. Someone who’s pictures would be hung on the wall, taunting him, proving to him that he’s nothing, at least in comparison. Then there’s the line “Tell me where I came from, what I will always be: Just a spoiled little kid who went to Catholic school.”  and it feels like the narrator both is upset that he’ll never amount to anything or have a greater legacy than...catholic school, but he also refers to himself as ‘spoiled’ which shows that maybe the narrator acknowledges that they haven’t had an objectively awful life and feels like they have no place to complain. This reminds me of Gumball, not only because he’s been convinced that he doesn’t have any potential and won’t amount to anything, but because there aren’t many reasons for him to complain. His family loves him, he’s got food and a house and even a tv, he had an education, etc, so it’d be dumb to complain, and yet he’s still a very sad and insecure character (for good reason but it’d be easy for him to doubt himself and think he’s just spoiled) the song also has this line, “When i am dead i won't join their ranks because they are both holy and free” is another line. The narrator is comparing themself with these people and clearly doesn’t believe that he matches up to them and that they’re better than him. But the narrator also clearly sees all the good in them, not in an annoyed ‘ohh, they think they’re so great >:(’ way but in a genuine ‘they’re great and i can’t hate them because they really are great but i can’t help but hurt that i can’t be great too’ way. And I can see Gumball feeling that way towards his siblings, who I already said I was using as stand-in’s for the ‘patron saints’. He loves them with all his heart, really. He thinks they’re wonderful. But he’s painfully aware that he can’t compare to them. Now there’s the line “I said make me love myself so that i might love you. Don't make me a liar, because i swear to god when i said it i thought it was true”. Well this one isn’t talking about the patron saints anymore since the saints are referred to as ‘they’, separate people from the conversation, while thing line uses ‘you’, as in the person the narrator is talking to. And it feels like a romantic partner so when I think of this in the context of the song applying to Gumball I immediately think of Penny. This line just drips with affection and genuine love, like the kind of love that Gumball has for his girlfriend, but the line also acknowledges that the narrator is deeply insecure and feels torn because people always say you can’t love someone before you love yourself, and yet Gumball doesn’t love himself, and he does love her so so so much. Then there’s the line “Saint Calvin told me not to worry about you, but he’s got his own things to deal with. There’s really only one thing that we have in common: Neither of us will be missed” Well again, we have the ‘you’ prefix, which i’m assigning to a new person since I don’t think this line is fitting for talking about Penny tbh. However i’ll have to explain why i’m using this person so I won’t name them yet, just bare with me. ‘Saint Calvin’ is probably John Calvin, and I know I said I would use the religious stuff as strictly metaphorical, but I think the connotations behind him were interesting. John Calvin was a believer in predestination, or the idea that someone in destined to heaven or hell since birth. In the song, talking about John Calvin is probably speaking on how the narrator doesn’t feel like they have much potential, like they were born into a role and like they’re meant to spend their whole lives in it (the role of a spoiled kid who went to catholic school). When applying this to Gumball it works on multiple levels. First off, it works with the implications the narrator put to it, that, as said earlier, he doesn’t believe he has any real potential in his life. However there’s a whole new implication to that which we can put on Gumball that wasn’t implied with the original narrator. In tawog, they’re in a tv show in universe as well as out. The idea of being born into a certain role, predestined to be in that position, is incredibly prominent in the show. Gumball was put into the role of the protagonist, the hero. And what’s the other side to that? The villain. Which makes me associate this line with Rob, who was forced to be the villain just off the merit of Gumball being the hero. I’m calling Rob the ‘you’ in this section of this song. The part where he says ‘Saint Calvin told me not to worry about you’ is probably the narrator addressing someone he cares about who he sees as a sinner, going against the beliefs the narrator holds dear,  which makes the narrator want to help this person, but according to John Calvin’s belief, people are destined for heaven or hell from the start, so there’s nothing that can be done for this person. Well, putting Gumball in the role of the narrator and Rob in the role of the other person, this still works. Gumball clearly cares a lot about Rob weather he wants to admit it or not, but Rob was forced into the role of a villain, and to everyone involved he’s meant to stay in that role, and it’s no use trying to help him be anything else. Gumball isn’t supposed worry about him, though, both because it’s not supposed to be possible to change his role in the show, and because with Gumball being the hero and Rob being the villain, Gumball is supposed to hate Rob. Also, going with the theme of using Gumball’s siblings for the saints in this song, neither Darwin or Anais care much or worry about Rob the way Gumball does, and could also be the saint telling him not to worry about Rob, and I can see Gumball using the line ‘but he has his own things to do’ to show his annoyance over always being judged. They’re better than him and they clearly act like they’re above him, so they shouldn’t waste their time judging what he does, and they don’t because while they more than likely don’t see all that Gumball sees in Rob, they also are too occupied with other things most of the time Gumball is around Rob to scold him. Clearly, though, Gumball doesn’t follow this idea that Rob is bad and that he shouldn’t care about him, since he really really does not hate Rob. Then there’s the part of ‘neither of us will be missed’, which is also fitting of the two of them. Rob has no friends, no family, he was sent to the void for heaven’s sake, the only person who would probably notice if he went missing tomorrow is Gumball. And as for Gumball, he’s deeply insecure and feels like people don’t really care about him. If he disappeared tomorrow maybe people would notice but maybe they’d be better for it too. When Gumball imagines the future he probably sees his siblings (who we talked a lot about earlier) having good, successful lives. His sister’ll probably graduate college and be some big shot scientist or something and make loads of money and be able to support herself. His brother’ll probably have a nice house and marry his highschool sweetheart and have 2.5 kids and a dog and he’ll get a nice job and host game night for all his friends every saturday. However it’s been established that Gumball doesn’t really think he’ll have an important future. He probably thinks he’ll have no job or a poor paying one, probably thinks his girlfriend will either leave him or be held back by him, etc. Gumball doesn’t think he’d be missed if he were gone, really, and it’s something that connects him with Rob, who’s supposed to be his enemy, who he’s supposed to have nothing in common with. Then finally there’s this part of the song “A saint bernard sits at the top of the driveway. You always said how you loved dogs. I don't know if i count, but i'm trying my best when i'm howling and barking these songs”. Well, i’m hesitant on the meaning of this one because in talking about ‘saint bernard’ they’re most likely making more associations with actual saints, however I couldn’t find much meaning behind the actually saint bernard, so i’m going with the associations behind the dog breed cause he mentions the name particularly in reference to the dog breed. This breed is particularly known to be sweet and well behaved and patient and easily trained and very very intelligent. And going with the theme of associating ‘saints’ in this song with Gumball’s siblings...Darwin is very sweet and well behaved and Anais is definately extremely intelligent and trainable. Going off of another running theme in this analysis, we’re going to change who ‘you’ is in this paragraph too. Imma go with their parents who clearly favor his siblings over him. This shows Gumball, once again, thinking he can’t live up to his siblings, but trying his best to anyway despite thinking he falls short, and just hoping it’s good enough.

[365daysofsasuhina]

[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day Three Hundred Nineteen: Been There Before ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata, Inuzuka Kiba, Aburame Shino, Uzumaki Naruto ] [ SasuHina, blood ] [ Verse: A Light Amongst Shadows ] [ AO3 Link ]

He’s still figuring out this whole...Rinnegan thing.

One moment he’s with Naruto on an S-rank mission - something he never thought he’d have to do after having reformed the police force. The roles of shinobi have been changing since the end of the war, but...well, there’s little ignoring the power he wields, and just how necessary it can be.

The next, attempting to use space-time to flicker from a blow, addled by a heavy wound...Sasuke finds he’s no longer at the battlefield.

In fact...the sudden change leaves him so confused, he just sort of...stands there for a moment, clutching the wound in his side and looking over his surroundings. This...isn’t where he was just fighting alongside Naruto. In fact, he doesn’t even hear any sounds of conflict anymore.

And after a moment to really think...he realizes...he’s been here before.

He’s in Shi no Mori...the forty-fourth training ground where he and the rest of team seven took their second chūnin exam…!

What on earth…?

Spreading his senses, he does indeed feel the life forces of all the deadly beasts that roam the grounds. But alongside them, he finds human chakra signatures.

And...wait...is that…?

Brow furrowing, a hypothesis begins to form...but he’ll gather more evidence first.

Following one particularly-familiar aura, Sasuke keeps hidden in a cluster of undergrowth, one hand on his sword hilt.

...it is him.

Gaara.

But this isn’t the Godaime Kazekage Gaara. This is genin Gaara, flanked by his siblings and facing a squad of Ame shinobi.

...he’s in the past…

Apparently he needs to work on controlling his space-time ninjutsu. He didn’t just dodge that attack...he dodged several years. And in reverse! Well...all he has to do is hop forward and find the right time, and -

...wait a minute.

A spike of chakra flares to his left, and Sasuke gives it a wide-eyed look. Beyond the bushes, Gaara crushes his enemies, and even his siblings’ signatures reveal their revulsion.

But this chakra...he knows this chakra.

There’s a moment of tension before the Suna team takes their leave. For a moment, Sasuke watches them go. He’d almost forgotten how ruthless Gaara was back then. Funny how much people can change…

But now to the other matter.

“T-that was close…!”

“I...I-I never thought someone would...would…!”

“It’s quite unsettling, but...also the reality of being a shinobi. Part of these exams is to test if we truly are ready for such realities.”

“But still...Shino-kun...weren’t you even a l-little bit scared?”

“...I was. But we’ll be fine, Hinata. We’d best get going. The sooner we reach the end of this exam, the sooner we’ll be safe.”

“But we don’t know what the last exam will be!”

“Kiba, keep your voice down. Do you want those three to come back?”

“N-no way!”

“...come on.”

There’s a rustle, and the four signatures - one canine - begin to fade.

...he really needs to get back...and yet…

He never had the chance to know her back then. He’d been so consumed by his goals, such a quiet person had largely escaped his notice. But here she is...so small, so...different. The Hinata he knows now is still quiet...but far more confident. More tested.

Maybe he’ll just...stick around a little longer. He doesn’t have any memories of his wife from this era. Perhaps he’ll just borrow a few. But he can’t be seen...he can’t know what kind of paradoxes his presence might bring if he’s noticed. So, he’ll lay low.

Besides, he’s technically still wounded...he needs to find a place to patch up, and rest to regather his chakra enough for a jump back. So, in the meantime...he’ll just -

...wait…

...what day is it? Maybe if it’s early enough...maybe if he’s jumped far enough back...he could find Orochimaru, and just -!

No...no, he can’t interfere. He’s made his choices - changing them now may very well make his current existence obsolete. Time is a finicky thing...he can’t afford to go tinkering with it. But oh...the things he could tell his younger self. The heartache he could spare that poor lonely boy…

Sasuke’s head bows, having to physically fight the temptation. It wouldn’t just be himself he could save...how many were hurt, and killed, by the viper and their schemes? The third exam brings the coup with Suna, the attack against Konoha…

...and yet…

He heaves a curt sigh. There’s no time to even consider it. The past should remain the past. For now...he has other priorities.

Finding an alcove, he lifts the torn material of his shirt to bare the injured skin of his side with a hiss. It’s not too deep...but he can’t let it get infected.

Good thing he always comes prepared.

From his leg pack he draws a small canister: a poultice Hinata made for him only a few days ago. Careful fingers reach in and retrieve a smear, carefully painting it over the wound before applying gauze and winding it in place. Well...it’s hardly the patch job he’d like, but that can wait until he gets home.

For now, he needs to rest and let his chakra pool rejuvenate.

Nearby, he catches several fish, skewering them and cooking them over a katon-started campfire. The same strategy he and his team used...and may very well be using now. Some food will go a long way in rebuilding his energy.

Once that’s done, he covers his tracks and starts to move, following his senses to another campsite.

He’s never really paid Hinata’s teammates much mind. Kiba’s just another loudmouth, too reminiscent of Naruto to really invite the Uchiha’s company. And Shino is just...well, Sasuke respects him well enough. But he’s too similar in the sense that both can stand in complete silence and not say a word. Needless to say, any meeting between them has been rather useless in actually getting to know one another.

Perching far up in a tree above them, he cloaks his chakra and just...watches for a bit. At least he’s technically resting

“Are you sure about those mushrooms, Kiba-kun…?”

“Yeah! My mom cooks ‘em all the time. Trust me!”

“Many fungi that are edible also have near-duplicates that are deadly, or at least toxic,” Shino rebukes, adjusting his glasses. “We must be absolutely certain…”

“Gah, you guys are a bunch’a worry warts! I’m tellin’ ya, they’re fine!”

“Maybe we should, um...find something else to eat...j-just in case…”

“Don’t tell me you’re doubtin’ me too?”

“I just...d-don’t want us to get sick, Kiba-kun. There’s already enough to worry about in here...right?”

Sasuke quietly scoffs to himself. Leave it to Kiba to be so stubborn. Hinata and Shino are right...it’s a stupid thing to take a risk on in a place already so determined to kill you.

“Well we gotta eat something...if you guys don’t like my idea, come up with one yourself!”

“Fauna would probably be safer than flora...at least with more animals, they have ways to warn you if they’re v-venomous.”

“That’s true. Kiba, you’re able to make traps, right? We’d best try that.”

“Yeah, yeah...does that mean we’re makin’ camp here? Cuz we’ll have to wait for something to get caught. And no use in trying to circle back - I bet we’d never find our way in this place…”

“I suppose we can. And we’ll need to take shifts sleeping - someone should be awake at all times to keep watch.”

As the team figure out dynamics, Sasuke dozes, feeling his energy levels slowly rise. Another few hours, and he’ll have the chakra to leap back to the present. Well...his present. It’s a bit of a relative thing, after all.

They catch a few small animals to skin and cook, talking quietly as the day fades. Hinata offers to take first watch, with Kiba next, and then Shino.

“Be sure to use your Byakugan when you can. We can’t know what direction a threat might come from.”

“R-right! Don’t worry, I’m ready.”

...oh crap. Wait -!

He can sense her flare in chakra, and Sasuke knows: there’s no hiding from her kekkei genkai. And he has no idea what her range is at this age - only that his Hinata can see ten kilometers in one direction. He needs to shunshin, and fast…!

“...huh…?” Turning, Hinata looks up the tree they’ve made camp under, narrowing her focus. That’s funny...she could have sworn she saw someone, but...there’s no one there now…

“Everything okay?”

“...yeah. I just thought I saw…”

“What?”

“...never mind.”

Stumbling a few steps, Sasuke takes a moment to regain his sense of balance. Jumping that far really does a number on his equilibrium...and...whoa.

...looks like he missed one hell of a fight.

Craters dot the landscape, which is bathed in twilight. He’d recognize the impacts of Rasengans anywhere.

Speaking of which...where is -?

“OI!”

Grunting, Sasuke bows under the weight of Naruto tackling him from behind. “Get...off...me…!”

“Where the HELL have you been?!” the blond screeches, shaking him like a ragdoll. “I been lookin’ for hours, ‘ttebayo! I thought you were dead somewhere!”

“No...just took an unexpected detour.”

“Huh?”

“Guess I still need some practice with the Rinnegan...went to jump from an attack, and ended up miles away...and in the past.”

“WHAT?!”

“Look, I’ll...explain on the way. I’ve got a wound that needs tending, and we need to report back. I take it you resolved things…?”

“Of course I did! Told Kakashi-sensei I wouldn’t need ya...but I didn’t think you’d up and bail on me!”

“I didn’t bail! I told you, the Rinnegan -!”

“Yeah, yeah...excuses, excuses.”

“You want to hear the story, or not?”

“...okay, yeah, I do. Let’s get going.”

“So, I think you saw that blow that threw me up in the air a few hundred feet? So on the way back down, I…” Footsteps carry them from the battlefield, Sasuke recounting his little misadventure.

But he really can’t wait to tell Hinata who he saw.

                                                            .oOo.

     Well, it had to happen eventually: some time travel shenanigans, woo! In reality I'd like this topic to be one I'd write, well...MORE with, but dailies have to be kept a reasonable length, so...maybe I'll do a proper oneshot or a short series on it someday after the year is over. We'll have to see! Because Sasuke ending up meeting a past Hinata is a really cute idea. Buuut for now, this is all I have the time and energy for ;w;      So on that note, I better call it a night! Thanks for reading~

[ober-affen-geil]

There’s something about Roswell that’s truly magic. I’ve been over several elements of it that make it absolutely unique to me in how it handles certain topics and writing techniques, but I have yet to give credit to a specific element that usually flies under the radar, especially on TV. This is a post where I want to talk about the music editing.

Because it is, pardon the pun, out of this world. Not only in the song choices but in the timing over scenes and especially in the lyric placement. There are many, many examples of it in the show (literally every damn episode) and I could spend hours talking about them but for the sake of brevity I will narrow it down to three scenes. 

The scenes I’m going to talk about are ones that I’ve chosen because they use the same song for multiple characters/plot points. There are some really great moments that are more focused (the Echo kiss in 1x09 gets a shoutout because the chorus of “Iris” is literally perfect for that scene) but to me the true genius of the music editing is on display where the choices have to be more versatile in order to have multiple meanings.

*A note before I get started. I’m doing three scenes so in the interest of space I will try to let the lyrics speak for themselves. If you want a more detailed breakdown of why I think specific lines over specific moments are worthy of note, shoot me an ask or a dm!*

The first one I want to talk about is “God of Wine” by Third Eye Blind used at the end of 1x02 over Alex going to talk with Michael and Max going to talk with Cam. (And their respective hookups.) 

This is already a great choice because the song is name-dropped earlier in the episode. (”Fraudulent zodiac” is the lyric Rosa has written on her hand the night she dies, Maria tells Liz in this episode what song it’s from.) The main points are these:

The lyrics under Alex telling Michael that it’s a “problem” for him that Michael still looks at him like a love-struck teenager are “I can't keep it all together/And the siren's song that is your madness/Holds a truth I can't erase/All alone on your face“ (What’s also interesting is that in the lead up to this talk, when Alex is approaching the trailer, the lyrics are “We can’t get back again”)

This is where things get truly inspired. After Michael and Alex go into the trailer, the POV switches regularly between them and Max and Cam.

We go to Max hooking up with Cam in her kitchen with the lyric “And I said no, no, no, no, no”. It goes instrumental for the switch to Michael and Alex, then when it changes back to Max and Cam the lyric is “I can’t keep it all together”. Back to Michael and Alex for the line “I know, I know, I know, I know”, and once more to Max and Cam for another “I can’t keep it all together”.

The final line for Michael and Alex is “And there's a memory of a window/Looking through” while the last lyric for Max and Cam (with only Max’s face fully in view and as the center of the shot) is “I see you/A sadness I can't erase/All alone on your face”.

Subtle. Very subtle.

The second scene is “Can’t Love Me” by Novi (featuring Tyler Blackburn because why not fucking murder us some more huh Tyler) used in 1x12 over Cam telling Max she’s leaving and Alex trying to get Michael out of Caulfield before it blows sky high.

What’s truly extraordinary about this example is that it manages to use one line in the song (repeated naturally as part of the lyric structure) to apply to three different situations. The line is “Yeah, but you can't love me anymore”. (I’ll do a little explaining in this case to help with understanding my reasoning.)

It first plays over when Cam is telling Max she is leaving Roswell after confessing that she has deeper feelings for him than what she let on. Cam can’t love Max anymore because he’s involved with Liz. Max can’t love Cam anymore (platonically) because she’s leaving.

We next hear it when Michael is trying to get Alex to leave without him, trying to convince him that he doesn’t love him and he should stop trying to hold on to the past. Alex can’t love Michael anymore because if he does he will die with him.

The last time we hear it is when Michael and Alex start moving to the exit, leaving the shot as the camera stays on Michael’s mother trapped in her cell. Michael can’t love her anymore because it would get him killed. She can’t love him anymore because she’s going to die.

Motherfucking ouch. They didn’t have to do us like that. But I’m glad they did.

The third and final scene I’m going to touch on is the end of the pilot, with “When the Truth Hunts You Down” by Sam Tinnesz over Michael and Alex’s moment and Max with Liz/Isobel. This one gets extra credit points for not only fucking stellar lyric placement, but also for using the rhythm in the song to emphasize physical moments (mostly in the Alex/Michael part).

First, Michael and Alex. The lines we hear as the camera pans over Alex looking at his teenage self are these: “You can run, but you won't make it far/You can't hide from who you are” We then move to an instrumental section as Michael reveals himself in the doorway and they exchange a few words. 

Subtly, Michael is swaying a little from side to side as he moves closer to Alex and his steps more or less match up with the back beat. Less subtly, on two occasions the movement of Michael’s eyes flicking up to look at Alex is matched with a cymbal flare in the music. And least subtle of all, the lyrics kick back in as they crash together; their lips meet on the first “run” of the line “You can't run, run, run, from the smoking gun” which is exactly where the down beat is. 

Then we switch to Max looking at Liz for the next line “Caught in the crosshairs of the things we've done”. This is the point when Isobel makes her way over to where he is watching Liz dance and they have a cliffhangery conversation about how Liz can “never know about what happened to Rosa.” The rest of the verse plays under Jesse Manes trying to brainwash Kyle and repeats over Max joining Liz on the dance floor. “There's no hiding place, not a secret safe/What is lost will be found”. Until we cut to black and we hear the final line over the end title card: “When the truth hunts you down “.

I mean wow you guys. And these are just three examples. The whole damn show is like this. Is it any wonder all of us fell so hard?

Music is one of those things that can make or break scenes, but it’s lowkey enough that most of us don’t pay attention to it (unless it’s badly done). Like so many other things about the show, Roswell has proved itself to be surprisingly masterful in its use of music. I was floored by it several times throughout the first season and I continue to discover new subtleties as I rewatch. I am so very much looking forward to hearing more as we go into season two; I cannot wait to get murdered on a weekly basis again.

[hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger]

Ghost-Spider #1 Thoughts

Since I enjoyed the Spider-Geddon aftermath issue of Ghost Spider and because seeing Spider-Gwen meet Earth 616 Jackal intrigued me I decided to check out the current story arc and...um...oh dear...

So confession. I dropped Spider-Gwen’s title after reading the issue that debuted Earth 65 Kraven. The moment I saw him with his stupid Hipster look I was like ‘Noooooooooooooooope’.

So consequently I missed out on such gems as Gwenom and other great ideas I’m sure were inspired by variant covers.

What I’m saying is I’m out of the loop and therefore any analysis I might be able to provide isn’t going to be that great because I’m literally lacking in information.

That all being said I also maintain what Stan the Man said once upon a time, every comic is someone’s first. That goes for issue #1s moreso than others!

So we come to this title.

Was it good.

From where I’m standing...no not really.

Okay so first of all the art is lovely, it really is. And the scene where George’s surprise party goes very wrong was really well paced out by the art, which sold the comedy very well!

As for other positives...um...the story remembered to address the fact that Gwen can’t just show up to Earth 616 and go to school there. The idea that Iron Man established a scholarship for extra terrestrial and extra terrestrial people fixes that problem...but it opens up a boatload of questions.

Is Gwen and fellow students from other dimensions like her stealing student places from people based in Earth 616?

Wouldn’t education standards vary wildly across dimensions? After all a lot of times when it comes to education it’s less how well you did as much as where you went (or sadly who you know). I mean I know people from my university, which was no slouch, who got great grades but were passed over for jobs by people with less impressive grades but from more prestigious universities. Is a grade from Oxford or Yale on Earth 616 worth as much on the job market as it is on Earth 65? It may well be that on Earth 65 (which we know has a different history to Earth 616 and isn’t necessarily a reflection of OUR real life world) ESU is regarded as a lesser school that’s easy to pass.

Wouldn’t the subject of allowing aliens and other dimensional people to attend schools on Earth 616 open up a HUGE political debate regarding immigration? Provided it was known to the government of course and it Tony was hiding it from them then isn’t that super unethical?

What about the potential for disease and illnesses that could be brought over from a dimension with a starkly different germ history to Earth 616?

Do Gwen’s fellow students get to know she’s a foreign student from another dimension?

Are such things REALLy so common place blasé in the 616 universe? Surely the norm is to acknowledge that aliens and such things exist but to suspend disbelief to allow life to go on as normal, but if people are just actually reacting realistically to something like this doesn’t that break down the verisimilitude of the Marvel universe?

If Gwen is attending school with the legal name of Gwen Stacy and LOOKS like Gwen Stacy wouldn’t that raise a shitton of problems for her because she looks JUST LIKE A DEAD WOMAN! I mean Gwen’s clone at least changed her name. Is ESU really not going to have records of that time one of their students was murdered on a bridge? Gwen’s death was public knowledge the Green Goblin boasted about it on TV and Ben Urich wrote a book on it!

All of which is academic because even if Gwen earns a college education on Earth 616...how is that going to help her in the long run?

Think about it, she might be taught skills and stuff that she could then use in any jobs she adopts. But having skills is sadly only half the battle when it comes to getting a job. Of equal or possibly greater value is having the PROOF you have those skills. Someone can be a brilliant self-taught nuclear engineer. But if they’ve not got a college diploma to prove it they aren’t getting a job.

How is a diploma from Earth 616 going to mean anything besides a piece of paper on Earth 65. There wouldn’t be any records proving she attended ESU and even if Gwen tells them that she earned the degree in another universe they’d only have her word for it, faking a piece of paper saying you graduated is easy! Even if they did believe her no one in authority on Earth 65 has the power to verify how legit or qualified Earth 616’s ESU is. It could be an online course for all they know. Not to mention do the residents of Earth 65 even know that travel between parallel universes is even a thing?

I’m sure a lot of 616 citizens are probably vaguely aware of that but on Earth 65 that isn’t necessarily the case because they’ve not had a long history of Skrull invasions!

It’s all just so contrived to just have Gwen situated in Earth 616 because that would boost her sales in theory.

Creatively it causes problems too.

Let’s put aside how it means subplots and supporting characters are going to have to be divided between two universes where their collision will be difficult if not impossible.

Let’s even put aside how being a public figure in Earth 65 whilst she spends a huge chunk of her time in another universe entirely puts Gwen’s Dad (who’s human and at risk from heart attacks) at HUGE risk!

What is really gained creatively from having Gwen on Earth 616 where she can interact with like 616 Peter, 616 MJ, 616 Miles?

Fanservice. Sure. I mean that’s why I’m reading this.

But creatively speaking it is just...impoverishing for everyone.

Let’s first look at this from the POV of the 616 residents.

Miles gets to potentially date Gwen more easily now. This is a bad thing. Miles is already too similar to Peter and whilst this dynamic might work in the animated movies (which are themselves an AU to the comics) in an ongoing Miles story having him literally dating a version of Spider-Man’s girlfriend is reductive. Not to mention it might be a bad idea to have him date a fellow super in general, it undermines his normalcy and relative normalcy is important to Spider-Heroes. In this case it wouldn’t even be dating a hero, it’d be dating a hero from another universe!

For Mary Jane it also undermines her normalcy too as well as undermining the weight of Gwen’s death in her life because a version of Gwen, is alive and well and capable of regularly interacting with her.

The same holds true but a thousand times more for Peter. Unless you quarantine off this series as ‘Spider-Gwen continuity’ any time Peter feels mournful over Gwen now is going to feel rather hollow because you know he is regularly chatty with Spider-Gwen and literally helped her get into the same school as him!

That’s another bad thing about the comic by the way. Isn’t being on record as helping an other dimensional version of his dead girlfriend going to seriously put the spotlight on Peter in a big way? Does he even have the clout to help her get into ESU given how he’s only recently returned there himself? And what was with the dialogue implying he works there? When did that happen? He attends school there but he’s not got a job there last I checked??????????????

Also...isn’t Peter like seriously waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too chill about Gwen? Remember how in the 1970s Clone Saga (the story this comic actively references) he was seriously shaken up when Gwen’s clone appeared? Remember when he had varying degrees of similar reactions EVERY time one of Gwen’s clones showed up, including when Spider-Gwen was impersonating one of Gwen’s clones in Clone Conspiracy?

Now he’s face to face with a living breathing version of Gwen Stacy who is arguably more real than any of those clones and he’s all smiles and meh. He doesn’t even think about it in the other titles! Like dude if Spider-Man came face to face with a living Gwen Stacy that would dwell on his mind somewhat!

Now let’s consider this from Gwen’s POV.

What does she gain from interacting on Earth 616?

Well she gets to be comparatively more normal than on her own Earth where she is a celebrity. Okay cool...couldn’t you just get to the same ends by mindwiping her identity from people on Earth 65? I mean we already did this with Peter Parker why is the integrity of Spider-Gwen’s narrative more precious?

She gets to interact with Earth 616 Jackal...which is really more interesting from the Jackal’s POV because does she even know who the hell Miles Warren is? It doesn’t seem like it based on this issue. I mean that’s why I’m reading this arc right now. Because seeing Miles Warren react to a living Gwen Stacy is an interesting idea to me. But why move the main character in this direction to do something interesting with a villain. Not even one of her own villains either, another character’s villain. Oh but Earth 65 Jackal is also doing stuff. Why is he even evil in her universe she’s not dead? Was he in love with Peter in her universe?

This basically applies to every villain and supporting character Gwen could bump into on Earth 616. Norman, Harry, Jameson, Curt Connors, Jill Stacy, etc.

The most interesting characters she could interact with from her POV are Peter and Mary Jane. But with Mary Jane you have to think the mileage doesn’t go much further than “Wow you are much nicer than my Earth’s Em Jay (who’s name has apparently changed now) who’s a total diva b-word!”.

And with Peter...well this issue already basically dispelled the drama from that. She regards him as a older friend but not a peer, not her Peter and someone she can chat to and fight crime with sometimes. That’s it really. There was more emotion and drama derived from that Conway backup story where she met the Goblin Peter back in Spider-Verse.

Meanwhile her own supporting cast and villains are very much left in the lurch. I mean the Man-Wolf is getting released on her Earth and I’m just like ‘so what she’s not even there right now!”

And like Peter and Miles this torpedoes the idea of Gwen being relatively normal. Juggling normal life problems with superhero problems flies out of the window when you are commuting between dimensions, one of which you are famously dead and the other of which you are just famous.

What else is there to talk about.

So Gwen’s costume is apparently composed of spiders but is also a symbiote...um...weird. in fairness maybe that’s addressed in older issues.

What’s weirder was the random giant rat...what was that even about?????????????

The only other positive I have to say about this issue was that at least it wasn’t as pretentious and not as obnoxiously zany as Latour’s run.

Finally...what was up with that opening page saying Gwen got her powers a few months ago??????

You telling me Gwen got her powers in high school, became famous as Spider-Gwen, Peter got crazy and turned himself into a lizard before dying, Gwen changed her world view, a campaign to capture her happened, she went to college, THEN Spider-Verse happened, THEN everything in volume 1 happened, THEN everything in Secret Wars happened, THEN everything in volume 2, Clone Conspiracy and Web Warriors happened (including the Spider Women crossover), then everything in volume 3 including Spider-Geddon happened and all this shit happened...in under a year?

What the fuck was everyone on speed or something that’s ridiculous!

I’m gonna pick up the next few issues but if they’re more of the same I hope the Jackal story wraps up sooner rather than later.

[riveir]

info dump                    canon au verse.

writing in this verse is set in an alternate universe scenario, in which river’s death occurs later in life than his senior year of high school. i’m very hesitant to say that it wouldn’t occur at all, for reasons explored below; because i would prefer writing in this verse to be heavily plot-based anyways, all of this can be altered & explored on a very individualized basis. i want to keep this plot-based because a big factor in river’s suicide is that he feels himself buckling under pressure without enough positive things or emotions in his life to, in his own words, ‘balance [him] out.’ writing river past senior year of high school assumes he has at least temporarily overcome these obstacles or found some reason to want to keep pushing through them. general reasons are outlined in each scenario below, but i think a lot of it would depend on individual specific relationships between river and the opposite muse. i think river’s mental health struggles extend beyond things like his parents and santa barbara and st. sebastian, though those things are certainly all factors in their own ways, and i hesitate to say that the things/changes applicable in each scenario below would be agents of such major change. a big part of this is acknowledging the lack of change that resulted after river’s first suicide attempt, which largely centers on his parents; no one else knew about his mental health struggles nor that he had received treatment until river breaks down and reveals it to the entire school because the family wanted to keep it between them, and his parents do not change their attitudes or treatment of river in the aftermath. in short, i just don’t take altering river’s death and its circumstances lightly, and this is all still contingent on individual plotting. however, because i’m not opposed to writing things in such a verse at all, i though doing an info dump for it would be helpful (: 

river living past senior year fall means that he would still be running for student council president. this can also be plotted individually, but as far as dealing with the rest of the canon timeline of the politician, it can be assumed that river continues running until he has an admissions interview with stanford that seems to virtually guarantee admission ( though family donations likely play a large factor in that as well ), at which point the student body presidency is deemed unnecessary and he drops out to try and allow payton an easier path to victory, though it can also be assumed that astrid takes his place on the ticket. exploring a scenario in which river does actually win the election, though, is definitely a possibility on an individual plot basis.

there are two default scenarios in this verse. the first is that river gets into stanford, attends, and continues along the path intended for him by his parents and continues giving into them, hoping that at some point he’ll feel some significant reassurance from their pride and happiness and that it will make a real difference in his life. the second is that he chooses to go against their wishes, elects to attend columbia university in new york city, and pursues a dual major in education and psychology and intends to spend some time as an english education teacher in the peace corps before he begins formally teaching, deciding that the inevitability of shouldering their disappointment would be outweighed by the chance of pursuing a future he feels as though he actually wants. 

“ i had to do it if i had a shot of getting into stanford. i mean, i had to do something to get my parents off my back. ”

despite applying to and getting into other schools, including other ivies like columbia and yale, river accepts his offer from stanford university, much to his parents’ pleasure. though he expects to feel some relief, given how much of the pressure put on him was contingent on admission to stanford, its motivation only shifts. his parents begin advising him on what extracurriculars to join even well before he arrives on campus, and put even more pressure on him as far as his grades, and constantly try and push him to forge useful business connections and almost even just choose summer internships for him. there continues to be extremely high standards for him to live up to; it seems to be never-ending, and despite hoping that getting into the school and agreeing to pursue a finance degree would have satisfied his parents and would have made them proud, river still can’t seem to be able to get off that hamster wheel. it is mentally and emotionally exhausting.

by the time he died in the politician canon, river had not really figured out exactly what his sexuality was, nor was he entirely comfortable with exploring it openly ( referring to his tense reaction to payton’s threat to tell the entire school they’d slept together ). choosing to dedicate himself to being the man his parents want him to be means that the fear of allowing himself to fully come to terms with his sexuality does not go away. it was made very clear to him that the expectation was that he would find a nice wife and raise a j. crew catalog family. still counting on familial pride being a saving grace, he continues to keep ‘that part of him,’ in astrid’s words, largely a secret.

essentially, circumstances do not change much from the politician canon, despite his continued hope that one day he will be enough for the people he cares about and so desperately wants to make proud ( which still exists largely because of payton and the faith in him he always showed and the support he gave that no one else did ).

“ you’re gonna go to college, and join the peace corps. ”

despite getting into stanford, river rejects the offer to attend columbia university instead. attending school on the opposite coast gives the opportunity for a break from the suffocation he associates with california, and ultimately decides for once to act on his own best interests and put himself in an environment where he thinks he might have a chance to finally breathe and be himself. away from the ghosts of his parents and their influence, river feels hopeful that new york will provide a new lease on life. however, the decision comes with a price, and the weight of his parents’ displeasure and disappointment is even heavier than river expected.

reports back home of his schooling and college experience are received with passive aggressive jabs, muttered wistful expressions of what could have been. “well, if you were at stanford, you could’ve been set up with [insert name of roland’s connection here] and been on a fast track to a high-paying job at the firm right out of college.” “you’re accustomed to a certain lifestyle, river, i’m not sure how you expect to maintain it on teaching degrees.” “seems like all those opportunities we worked to provide you with growing up were not quite as useful as we’d hoped they’d be.” it’s difficult for river to disappoint people; we see his willingness to please others in his decisions to run for student body president on others’ advice, in keeping the end goal of stanford in mind at the beginning of senior year, and even in the fact that he mentions trying something new every time he has sex with astrid in hopes of getting a more positive reaction from her, instead of her standard ‘you were great.’ he’s so used to living up to expectations and at the very least having that recognized, even if it’s always followed by the addition of a higher standard, so despite the liberation he anticipates coming with choosing to live for himself, to experience the opposite is crushing.

and how can he disappoint his parents even more by crushing the dreams they have for his personal, family life? distance gives him freedom, but he still knows he’s going to inevitably be returning to the superficial, inauthentic life that instilled in him habits he can’t quite break yet, that boxed him into someone he didn’t want to be and so distanced himself from the person he did want to be that river sometimes fears he won’t be able to make that his reality.

the peace corps is discussed as a stepping stone, a resume builder for when river inevitably does get that high-paying finance job, working in a skyscraper. “it could give you a leg up on international business.” but for river it’s so deeply personal, a way to give the knowledge and and facilitate the cultural exchange that he’d experienced growing up to those without the privilege that had given it to him in the first place.  it’s heartbreaking for it to be looked down upon, as well as the career he’d like to have as an educator, especially given his intent to emphasize the importance of mental health in youth in the way he might have benefitted from, in the way he would have wanted to at st. sebastian.

river is still faking it, and never feels that he’s given the freedom to actually be happy, at least to his full potential. river is so good at pulling vulnerability out of people and spends so much time and energy searching for authenticity in his life because he’s looking for permission to be his true authentic self, too. he’s terrified of what people would say or do if they knew what was under his easy-going, unfailingly friendly facade ( and this is even worsened by the way his parents handle it ), and how can he be comfortable living freely when no one else in this life is? he’s accepted for the person he is pretending to be, and being that person still proves difficult; for most, it isn’t enough. and even if / when river does get a little freedom, the rigidity of needing to keep it together and the habitualness ( so much so that it almost feels automatic ) of hiding this overwhelming depression are certainly and absolutely difficult to break and escape from.

[dailyaudiobible]

04/07/2020 DAB Transcript

Deuteronomy 31:1-32:27, Luke 12:8-34, Psalms 78:32-55, Proverbs 12:21-23

Today is the 7th day of April, welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I'm Brian it’s great to be here with you today coming from the rolling hills of Tennessee and moving out across the Internet into all of the different regions of this earth. It's such a joy, such and honor, such a marvel that this can even happen and that we can be here sharing this patch of history together. Like even that could have been off, right?  You were born 100 years ago and I was born a hundred years from now and we would've missed now together on earth allowing this rhythm of God's word to transform us in our lives. So, we’re fortunate, we’re fortunate to be around this Global Campfire. It could've been different and yet it's not. We’re here taking the next step and I’m glad we can do it. So, we’re continuing to work our way toward the final things that Moses has to say in the book of Deuteronomy before he dies, and a new leader emerges. And, so, we’ll pick up with that story. Deuteronomy chapter 31 verse 1 through 32 verse 27 today. And we’re reading from the Christian Standard Bible this week.

Commentary:

Okay. So, yesterday in our reading from the Gospel of Luke, Jesus was not making friends, right? He was using His light and shining it, aiming it at the religious establishment. In particular, the scribes and the Pharisees who were there listening to what he had to say. And, so, what He was doing is basically calling out their hypocrisy and revealing how they were perpetuating this, that they were basically teaching everybody to be a hypocrite, to not be true, to be one way on the outside and another way on the inside. So, as we kind of come that…and of course Jesus shined the light on them and they didn't acknowledge…they didn't say, “oh thank…like thank you for showing this to me, showing my falseness to me. How can I live in the light?” Instead, they got together and started plotting against Jesus, right? The darkness hating the exposure of the light and wanting to extinguish the light so that everything would remain hidden in the dark. And they were in such darkness that they didn't know what they were doing, which is why Jesus will ask for them to be forgiven, even as He's being nailed to a cross. And, so, in our reading today, that story is continued and Jesus is saying basically, “there…there is only one way, there isn't this false way that you present to the world and then this other thing that’s going on inside of you that's a relationship with God. Like there’s…there’s only one way and you have two acknowledge me as that way inside and outside because some challenging things are in your future.” And He goes on to tell a story of a of a rich person who built bigger barns, basically. But on the tails of that He’s saying like, “you can prepare for every eventuality you want. You can store up so that you can have an easy life, all that you want, but what if today is your last day? Like what if you’ve got all that built up and you’re like, ‘ahh…now I can coast for a while and you die that day?” And He’s continuing to starkly show us like, “you cannot just external…you cannot just prepare for external eventualities or external pleasures. Like, you have to grow from within and what is within you is what is true and then that will form what happens in your exterior life. You’ve got it backwards.” And we still do today. We think that a bigger house, better this, better car, more reliable this, more money, more bank account, more pleasure, more travel, more experience, more wine, more good food or whatever, that's going to make our lives great. And Jesus is teaching is a fundamental truth about how we were created - if you are at peace within yourself you are at peace in any circumstance and everything can be received with gratitude. So, on a very, very fundamental level what Jesus is after is the reintegration, like so that there's not this hiding, that there’s not this duel self, like this one we present and this one that's real. We just keep trying to make changes from without hoping that they will seep inward into our hearts when it is the change of heart that changes everything else. And, so, to end today all you really need to do is go back over the words of Jesus at the end of our reading. So, let me just read this to us and let's receive this as if Jesus were speaking to us right now, not because I’m reading it but because these are His words that I'm reading. Let’s take these and apply them to our day-to-day.

I'm telling you, don't worry about your life what you will eat and about your body, what you’re gonna wear. Life is more than food. The body is more than clothing. Look at the ravens, they don't sow or reap, they don't keep a storeroom or a barn, yet God feeds them. Aren’t you worth much more than the birds? Can any of you add one moment to his lifespan by worrying? If then you are not able to do even a little thing, why worry about the rest. Consider how the wildflowers grow, they don’t labor or spin thread. Yet, I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was adorned like one of these. And that's how God clothes the grass which is in the field today and is thrown into the furnace tomorrow. How much more will He do for you - you of little faith? Don't strive for what you should eat, what you should drink. Don’t be anxious. The Gentile world eagerly seeks all these things, and your Father knows that you need them. So, seek his kingdom and these things will be provided for you. Don't be afraid little flock because your Father delights to give you the kingdom.

Prayer:

We thank You for that encouragement Jesus. We receive that into our innermost selves, into the truest place that we know of within our hearts. We invite You fully to plant these words deeply into our lives. And we also acknowledge that You ended this by basically saying get rid of everything that is holding You back, money if that's what it is, anything else, whatever it is understand that there is inexhaustible treasure in heaven where no one and nothing can steal it away from You. And, so, we acknowledge, we've lived a lot of our lives, most of our lives, from the outside in hoping that if…that if we just keep moving things around, if we just keep on the run, if we just keep motion happening that we’ll be distracted enough to think that something good is happening when we’re just moving around stuff. But You're telling us from within can grow depths of living water. You’re telling us that where our treasure is that's where our heart will be. And, so, we set our affections on You and we seek Your kingdom and we ask that You give us eyes to see and ears to hear it. Lead us into all truth Holy Spirit. Show us the changes that You are making in our lives so that we don't fight against You because we acknowledge that we see in the Scriptures and what we have experienced in life is that You have no problem disrupting us in order to set us free. It’s just this we usually reinterpret disruption as some kind of inconvenience. And, so, we’ll ask You to take it away when You brought it to us in the first place. What You are doing in our lives, let us see this, let us embrace it, let us flow with it we ask in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is the website, its home base, its where you find out what is going on around here. So, stay connected.

Reminding you now that the entire book, Sneezing Jesus, all of the chapters are available if you just kind of scroll back in your feed. We finished that over the weekend with the final chapter on Saturday, Sneezing Jesus, which is…yeah…which is very poignant for the times that we are in right now. So, be sure to take advantage of that check that and check that out. It's a gift in these times of…yeah…unrest and disruption. I guess if you want a hard copy of Sneezing Jesus, you can get that anywhere you can get a book, including at the Daily Audio Bible shop at dailyaudiobible.com.

And speaking of the Daily Audio Bible shop, there are a number of resources there for the times that we’re in. And the times that we’re in isn't specific to a virus or something like that. It's day by day step-by-step forward, one step at a time through the Scriptures. And, so…yeah…like this is a…this is a good time where we have a little bit of extra time to…maybe to start journaling, to start writing things down as we go through the Scriptures and as we go through unique times in the world, to chronicle this in our own hand and write down the things that we’re seeing and feeling and saving this for our future generations, showing God's faithfulness in our lives. And, so…yeah…journaling is a big thing around here because remembering is a big thing in the Bible. Like remembering what happens so that you won't forget God's faithfulness. This is all throughout the Bible. And, so, you know, a more modern iteration instead of piling up a bunch of rocks so that when you pass by the road you can say this is what happened here, maybe a more modern way would be to journal, to write things down. And we have a way of trying to type things down a lot in this modern era, but there's…there’s something special about sharpening a pencil, sitting down with the Journal, writing on some good paper and you’re kind of using your body to say what you need to say instead of just kind of typing it on a screen. There is something beautiful about that. And we’ve found the best stuff we could find to do it, stuff that I use most every day myself. And, so, you can find that in the Daily Audio Bible Shop. Some of our Black Wing pencils, our journal that is custom developed, made for us as a community. So, check those things out. Also check out the Global Campfire section of the website. This is stuff that we can use and wear and carry and just remind ourselves, we’re not alone. We have a community. We are going somewhere together as we move through the Bible and…and we can weather these things together. So, check out those resources in the Daily Audio Bible shop as well.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, you can do that at dailyaudiobible.com. There is a link on the homepage. And I thank you profoundly now and always. Thank you for your partnership. That’s how the Global Campfire keeps burning and I am humbled and grateful. So, there’s a link on the homepage. If you’re using the app, you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or, if you prefer, the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, as always, if you've a prayer request or encouragement you can hit the Hotline button in the app, the little red button at the top or you can dial 877-942-4253.

And that's it for today. I'm Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Good morning DAB family this is Tara Batrusee in Texas and about to start another day of trying to keep our business alive. It’s been a roller coaster week relying on God day by day, but I just want to remind myself and all of you that God’s word is true. His word is true to a thousand generations. The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of God stands forever. His word does not return void without accomplishing what He set it out to do. And we’re very grateful for Brian and China and the whole Hardin family for feeding us with God’s word. It says in Psalm 50 in verse 14, to offer to God a sacrifice of thanksgiving and pay your vows to the most-high. Call upon me in the day of trouble I shall rescue you and you will honor me. It says in Psalm 57 verse 2, I will cry to God most-high, to God who accomplishes all things for me. And in Psalm 56 verse 13, for I have delivered my soul from death, indeed my feet from stumbling so that I may walk before God in the light of the living. And in Psalm 59 verse 10 it says, my God in His lovingkindness will meet me. And in verse 17 it says, oh strength I will sing praises for God is my stronghold, the God who shows me lovingkindness. Don’t give up DAB family. Tomorrow’s another day and He’s given us this day. So, praise Him because He inhabits the praises of His people. Much love to you all. Bye.

Good morning my name is Lionel I’m from South Florida. First and foremost, Brian thank you for making this platform available because I enjoy listening to you every day and hearing the word of God. Today I ask for prayers for myself and all my fellow first responders. I’m a law enforcement officer as is my wife. And as I’m sure you know we don’t stop for anything. We go to work no matter what. And I pray and ask for prayers for myself, my wife, for all of our first responders, brothers and sisters, for all the healthcare workers during this very difficult time that we find ourselves in. And it’s scary, it’s really scary. I’m 43 years old and hear stories every day of healthy people my age getting sick and dying in a week and half. and it brings a lot of anxiety to me and I’m been praying about it and asking God to take the anxiety from me. I’ve been blessed. It’s a very scary time. And, so, I would ask for prayers and all of you DABBers and your families who are out there to, stay healthy and support one another. And again, thank you.

Hi DAB family this is Emmy from Illinois. Most of you know that my marriage has been struggling for at least the last year. And I just wanted to call in with an update and then just to pray for marriages in general. But my marriage is still struggling. My husband is back in “this is never gonna work” and for some reason he thinks that because we’re not quote unquote compatible that that gives him freedom to treat me poorly. So, life is a little bit miserable and then you add the stress of the coronavirus and everything else, things just are exacerbated and I know my marriage is probably not the only one that is going through struggles because of stress on each person and how each of us deals with this. Some of us are in tune to the news constantly others of us are sticking our head in the sand and wanting to ignore and just continue life as normal and there’s everything in between and how we react to stress. So, I just wanted to lift marriages up and families. Father God, I just ask that You would bring a piece to each of us individually, to our families and our spouses. God I just ask that You would use this time as a time to create new bonds and allow us to each be grace filled towards our spouses and our children as they may be reacting differently than they normally would or maybe they’re reacting the same but it feels worse than normal. God I just ask for healing and that You would restore marriages at this time, that Your power would be done, Your mighty glory would be shown in Your name. Amen.

Hey Daily Audio Bible I just want to say feel like I have so much disappointment in myself and my thoughts overtake me all the time. I mean there are a lot of times where I feel like I can’t be in God’s presence but I still think evil things and I just like sometimes I feels like it’s like something’s whispering in my ear but at the same time just these wild thoughts. I feel like sometimes it’s not even me. So, I don’t know why, and you know, it’s hard because I want to have faith and I want to be complete. So, if you’d be willing to pray for me to understand, have obedience, and to have a better heart because it feels like completely callused heart, just anger from God. So, I just…if…if you’d be willing I thank you. I hope you have a good day.

My rock and the hard place by Francis Parker.

I came up to a river dark and deep and swift and wide I wondered how I’d ever safely reach the other side there was no one to ferry such a current none could swim the Lord had led me to this place and so I questioned him wade in he said so gingerly I took a doubting step the water was so black and cold and far beyond my depths the stinking mud oozed up around my hesitating feet And murphy grinning ripples came maliciously to meet And then he spoke and low the threatening waters turned and fled In awful thrusting haste they left to leave their stony bed the downstream surges turned and tumbled frantically away while from the evil source the water simply stopped and stayed so quick the whelming threat had passed with grateful heart I crossed the cobble path He made for me where roiling waves had tossed And then He said now get some rocks and come and build a stack So to that rocky river bed I went and brought some back now pile them up from this day forth reminders shall they be that things impossible for you are not at all for me and so I did I stacked up faith I stacked up confidence and he’s my shield and trust in him and he is my defense I looked upon that stack a while fixed it in my mind in case of trouble still ahead that I might chance to find and then when trouble threatens I’ll look at my stack and see hard evidence that He provides and loves and cares for me and so with Him I’ll face each day with joy that hope affords because I know that come what may the battle is the Lord’s

Blessings to you all. Love this global community with all your different accents and all your different places of residence it’s like on earth as it will be in heaven. Thanks.

Hey Daily Audio Bible family I am just calling in to let you know I’m praying for all of you. I pray for all of your requests and I am so thankful for this community. What a blessing. What an amazing bunch of technology that is just coming to us right now in a time when we can’t get to our regular churches and our regular Bible studies. And it’s just wonderful. Thank you so much Brian Hardin. And thank you to all of you who call in. I’m not gonna mention names. I have been listening for over 10 years. I used to listen on my Zoom if you know what that is. That’s an old thing. Anyway, you all be very safe, take the precautions that the authorities are telling us to take and let’s get through this thing and keep in touch. And my name is Gramma G and I’m in Fort Lauderdale Florida. God bless you all. Bye.

[rkdaehwi]

TEAM ROYAL GROUP PERFORMANCE PART I : PERFORMANCE

MGA5 contestant #5042 Sohn Youngjae YOUTH OVER FLOWERS Performing Shangri La - VIXX & Lyric distribution Partner: Kim Hyojin { @hyojinrk } & Do Kyungsoo { @rkkyungsoo​ } & Lee Suwoong { @rksuwoong​ } & Jeon Heejin { @rkheejin​ } Coaches: Cheri { @rkcheri​ } & Ella { @rkella​ } & Jeon Wonwoo { @rkwon​ } Outfit: Traditional robes

“ Let’s love turbulence and use it for change ”

Honestly speaking Eric wasn’t satisfied. It was a lie to say that he knew Taeyang well by any means, but as a fellow dancer he had taken a liking to the eldest of their trio last week and thought it incredibly unfair that he had been the one to get booted and not Hyojin who, Eric thought, was the one actually dragging them down. Even more dissatisfied was he when the names were called out and he realised that yet again he was stuck with the same guy.

At least he was feeling upset until the very moment he realised what had actually been suggested. He should have known right away that he’d be in Royal since his name wasn’t called for any of the other companies, but the fact that he would be training in THE Royal building was incomprehensible to him. Even more so: the moment the single name Luxe was mentioned Eric let out a loud shriek in surprise and he could have sworn he felt the tears enter his eyes when Ella was named to be one of the coaches. How lucky could one boy possibly be? If he were to die right at this very moment he wouldn’t even regret anything – or rather, he would regret it a lot if he didn’t at least complete the week, but after that he was ready for death’s sweet embrace: he needed nothing more in his life now.

On the Friday he took the bus to Royal’s establishment together with his brother – they hadn’t been taking the same bus since Dowoon took him to school back in elementary unless it was for a special occasion so it felt kind of nice and nostalgic. He wondered if he could pop in on the older later on, but Eric also didn’t want to get in trouble from roaming around too much in places he wasn’t allowed just because his curiousity was trying to get the better of him. Saying goodbye to Dowoon he soon enough found the room and stepped in mouthing a very obvious ‘wow’ after which he proceeded to examine every inch of the room as the first to arrive. This was after all where he was going to spend the next week, and also quite possibly his future (at least if you were to ask him).

Come the Sunday they were already pretty set. Everything had seemed pretty decent at first, but soon enough things started to change. Setting aside his own tense feelings towards Hyojin and his trying to focus with not only his favourite girl in the world Ella, but also the beautiful and charismatic Cheri in the room (he might have made a few missteps due to sheer happiness and lack of focus thereof which didn’t seem to sit well with Ella, so Eric quickly realised that he had to pull himself more together) it was obvious that not everything was as it was supposed to be. He hadn’t realised that Suwoong and Kyungsoo were related at first; didn’t see any reason for any bad blood between them for after all what were the odds of someone you knew making it this far?

But somehow that both explained things, but also made Eric sad. He only just recently had a huge argument with his own brother and didn’t like the idea of people who were related by blood to not get along. Family was supposed to be a place of comfort and not of feud. And when Kyungsoo and Suwoong had ended in an escalated argument Eric had practically sunken into himself not sure how to handle this conflict, what to say or what to do. Throughout their practice so far Eric had thought of Kyungsoo as someone with a very vague presence, not at all matching what he had seen of the guy on stage, and he had affectionately nicknamed him ‘ghost’. Now, however, Eric might as well have been the true ghost with how he simply just wanted to disappear. He didn’t like things as they were right now.

As an added stress him and Hyojin had agreed to do a performance alongside their MGA preparations to practice both Eric’s stage presence as a rapper and also Hyojin’s general stage presence. How that was going to end Eric had no idea and it was something he preferred not to think about, but when Suwoong had invited him out for lunch after Kyungsoo had vanished, the topic had latched onto the tension the young male himself felt. It was a rare sight to see him so downcast, but Eric couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable in his group as things were at that moment.

If he could count his blessings in any way it was that this unbearable situation only lasted for one day. Monday morning Kyungsoo and Suwoong had appeared surprisingly buddy-buddy and apologised, confusing Eric to no ends especially considering how they had been just the day before. He supposed that was the good thing about knowing each other in private – that you could take things off the record at any moment – but that only amplified how nervous he felt over his own emotions. That was when Hyojin had called for a meeting to resolve any more suppressed feelings, and it hadn’t been long until Eric had voiced his own concerns – “We had to make the choreography simpler because of you and Taeyang hyung didn’t get to shine properly as a dancer. Is that gonna happen again?” – for right now he didn’t want to go home because he had to cater to someone else’s needs. He was already taking a huge risk by rapping after all, but in this particular matter every single one of the others were a hopeless case.

At first the apology hadn’t satisfied him, Eric’s stubborn self being dead set on being upset, but after seeing Hyojin truly apologetic for something the younger boy realised wasn’t even the guy’s fault when you really thought about it, he eased up a bit. And not too soon after they had stopped their impromptu meeting had Eric approached Hyojin, almost crestfallen and obviously very stressed out over everything. “Hyung,” he had said. “I’m sorry for everything, it’s just… I really want this. I don’t wanna go home.” Especially not now that his goal was finally in sight.

Hyojin had acknowledged his concerns, and with the relief of not having to (badly) hide everything he felt Eric warmed up to the older guy much more. Their performance in Hongdae had turned from something he just had to get over and done with to something that was actually enjoyable and a great learning experience, and for the first time in the past two weeks Eric had been glad to have Hyojin as his partner in the show.

It was Thursday, day of recording, and also the day that would decide whether or not he would make it into the finals or if this would be the end of his path. From a full hundred performances they had narrowed it down to only five and whether the best people had been picked to move on or not, Eric had no power to say anything about the mistakes made by the judges. With any hope his rap would be able to avenge his fallen comrades – it was pretty much a gamble of standing out or butchering it and he hoped the former would apply rather than the latter. He, at least, had done every amount of practice in his power, and although he had nothing but good words to say about the coaches (especially the girls from Luxe) there was the fact that even amongst them, no one really knew how to rap. It was nerve wrecking to say the least.

Being the last to perform could be terrifying in and of itself – it was always much easier to have a performance in the middle because then it wouldn’t matter as much if your performance was a bit lackluster. No one remembered an ending performance that didn’t end in a bang after all, and as far as Eric was concerned they would live up to what he expected from something to finish it all up. Hopefully everyone would agree. 

After it became time to step onto the stage, for the first time this season Eric had to appear with a full group. Somehow that all felt so much more idol like than the duo and trio performances thus far and he loved every single second of it. After getting in positions they called out their team name: “We are Yoth over Flowers!” after which they all posed like a flower. Eric gave a wink to the camera as he was posing – if not for youthful energised fanservice, what would he survive on? Skill was overrated nowadays, but of course it was lucky that he also possessed that much.

Without further ado the scene filled with smoke after they all entered their spots and under the dim lights the music began. For the first part before the chorus Eric didn’t have much more than a bit of adlib and harmonisation, but that was fine. As long as he did get to show his vocal skills on top of everything else he would not complain. After the chorus however the real deal went down. They had made slight modifications to the rap verse to better fit Eric’s voice colour (he refused to believe it was to fit his skills because that would only be hypocritical considering how he had thought of Hyojin) but half of it was still genuine, actual rap that he had to go through without flunking it.

덜 익은 복숭아마저도 달다 휘날리는 꽃잎 아래 네 비단결 옷자락 그 끝을 따라 널 와락 안아 난 네 숨소릴 잘 알아 네가 (불어와) 내가 (들어간) 꿈같은 상상

Needless to say he had been nervous about performing in a skill that was only mediocre – he might have done it full of confidence in the very beginning, but now that he was so far in and the only way was down it felt like a world of difference. But he tried his best to remember what he had felt while practicing in this past week, while performing in Hongdae. Tried to remember that he was not alone in this and that his group members had his back even though the one with the poorest result this week would have to go. And by god he hoped that it wouldn’t be him. Hopefully the judges would be just as satisfied with the result of his efforts as Eric himself was.

Up came the centre part that had been fought for quite a bit, and Eric had to say that he was more than happy that just because he had the rap part his dance lines also followed the same member and that he was automatically a candidate for the position. And soon enough it came, all focus on the middle of the formation where he and Kyungsoo were standing back to back leaning their heads on each other’s shoulder. After that it jumped straight into a dance break which Eric much appreciated as a chance to show off his capabilities, and after that it didn’t take long for the song to finish.

With his chest heaving from the performance Eric held his position in the ending formation for a second, just in case the camera would zoom in on him and tried to manage a serious expression to match the theme of the song. His flowery fan was open to the side, a sunflower decorating it. Honestly he didn’t know much about flowers so when the others had asked he simply had burst out the sunflower as representing him. After all, something with sun in the name had to be good and warm right? Bright and shining. And that was the image he wanted to give.

Turning around again he gave a small bow to the judges and followed along his group back to their seats.

[akaluan]

*snicker* in the werewolf!verse, can you just imagine Kisuke enthusiastically asking werewolf!Erich about All The Werewolf lore? (Erich might even find Kisuke questioning him about the validity of ancient European folklore - rather cute.)

Erich, to the pups+Kisuke: “Even a man who is pure in heart and says his prayers by night may become a wolf when the wolfbane blooms and the autumn moon is bright.”          

((Okay so… you kinda attempted to prompt cute and silly and Urahara being his typical self, aaaaand then this went… sideways.

SO UH. HAVE A LORE DUMP.

And a bit of cute fluff, but ANYWAY. LORE.

Yes, most of this actually applies to Misfits-verse as well. Also, I’ve decided that most every shapeshifter legend is true in these ‘Verses, albeit some of them have died off and some of them are dying off (like the were-Quincy). It’s a thing.

Also I might continue this at some point, but this felt like a good stopping point.

Also-also, please note that werewolf!Erich is like 200% more tactile and openly affectionate than Lilacs!Erich because wolf-instincts and finally having a pack again after so very, very long. And he pretty quickly sways Uryuu to being more tactile and openly affectionate in general. This is also the timeline where Uryuu doesn’t become a werewolf because Erich gives him back his powers before that happens.))

“Do you have a wolf-skin?” Urahara asked curiously, following Erich out of the training ground after their latest spar. “Or an enchanted belt?”

Erich shook his head, eyeing Urahara with wry amusement and pointedly tapping two of claws together to draw attention to his current wolf-traits. “No and no.”

Urahara made a considering noise, fiddling with his fan and staring at Erich thoughtfully. “Silver bullets? Silver in general?”

“Bullets hurt,” Erich agreed, pausing to dart up in several bursts of hirenkyaku to reach the trapdoor out. He waited in the shop for Urahara to follow him up, then continued, “but there’s nothing inherent in silver that harms us.”

“Ji-san?” Uryuu asked from the doorway, looking between Erich and Urahara warily. “Is he bothering you again?”

Erich chuckled and held out a hand towards Uryuu, unable to resist a fond smile when the boy willingly came to him and allowed Erich to settle his arm over his shoulders in a loose hug. It was such a joy to be able to show /affection/ to someone again, and have them accept it. It was such a joy to have /pack/ again. “No, Urahara is simply being his normal nosy self.”

“Mou, you wound me, Rerugen-san!” Urahara protested, shoulders slumped in theatrical dejection and hat pulled down to hide his eyes. “You don’t /have/ to answer!”

“Of course not.” Erich pulled Uryuu back into the private areas of the shoten, honing in on the room the other teens were. He let go of Uryuu and gratefully dropped onto the couch, stretching out his legs and relaxing in the presence of his pack.

Uryuu almost immediately dropped to sit on the floor next to him, leaning against Erich’s leg and resting his head on his thigh.

“You know you could sit up here with me,” Erich murmured, reaching out to run his claws gently through Uryuu’s hair.

“I’m comfortable,” Uryuu said. He tilted his head enough to give Erich a narrow-eyed look, then let his head drop back and pointedly leaned into the touch. “So what what he bothering you about this time?”

Erich shot Urahara a stern look as the man paused, took in the scene, then mimed being struck by the sight in front of him. “He’s being nosy about werewolf lore, of course,” he explained, catching the attention of the other three.

“Oh, I’ve been wondering about that too!” Orihime perked up and moved to sprawl across the couch near him, chin propped up on her hands and legs swinging through the air. “There’s so many conflicting stories, and none of it really makes sense.”

“Most of it’s fake, isn’t it?” Ichigo asked, marking his place in his book and setting it aside. “I haven’t found any stories that have the werewolves showing traits outside of the transformation, except maybe eye color. Well… except the full moon thing is apparently true?”

“Which is new,” Chad added. When the other teens glanced at him curiously he shrugged. “Mid nineteenth century gothic horror was the start.”

“Ah…” Erich gave a lopsided side and shrugged. “An ancestor was careless. It… happens more often than you might expect. Many of my men during the war knew, but when magecraft was such a prominent, obvious thing, it was easy to spin a tale of an ancestral curse by an angered mage.”

“Is that true?” Uryuu asked softly. “/Were/ we cursed?”

“No,” he said firmly. “It may make things difficult in this day and age, but this was /never/ intended as a curse.”

Urahara settled in a nearby chair and made a thoughtful noise. “Then what /was/ it intended as?”

He watched Urahara for a long moment in silence, then swept his gaze over the teens, noting their attention and interest in the answer. Uryuu and Ichigo, at the very least, deserved to know, since the change was in /their/ blood as well. Even Chad and Orihime arguably had a right to that knowledge, being part of the pack as they were.

(Urahara, too; though when his traitorous mind had begun to tentatively label the man /pack/ was unknown.)

“A blessing,” Erich said, then held up a hand to forestall the questions he knew were coming. “This has been in our blood since before the genesis of the Quincy. Arguably, we are lycanthropes /first/ and Quincy second, despite the way the abilities usually manifest. We’ve been so since the time when we were simply Humans with ritual magic and the Sight, dedicated to hunting the monsters that hunted /us/.”

“/Oh/,” Orihime breathed, eyes bright. “An extra edge in battle! And…” she hesitated, glancing from Erich and down to Uryuu, then over to Ichigo and back to Erich. “Bonds. A hunting pack.”

Erich nodded in agreement, running his claws through Uryuu’s hair again. “Wolves are powerful and dangerous by themselves, but the pack instincts… /those/ make them /deadly/, especially against foes as large and dangerous as Hollows.”

“But why the /moon/,” Ichigo asked, scowling deeper at the words. “That seems less useful than a pelt or a belt or… or just transforming at will.”

“Pelts and belts can be lost,” Erich pointed out. “Look at all the legends about /selkies/ losing their pelts and being bound to whoever finds it. Ritual magic requires an anchor, a stable point to emanate from so that the magic continues to affect those it should.” He lifted his hand from Uryuu’s hair and spread his arms, glancing between his pack-members in question. “What would they have tied it to for free transformation, if not a distinctive item like a pelt or belt? And where would we have /found/ these items, generation after generation? Would we be born as wolves and shed our pelts to become Human? But what if we marry outside those like us? How would /that/ work?”

Kisuke made a face, flicking his fan open and covering his mouth with it. “No, I can’t imagine that would work out well for anyone. I doubt you’d even be /able/ to crossbreed like that.”

“No, probably not.” Erich shrugged and tipped his head towards Kisuke in agreement, inwardly amused at the face Ichigo was making. “So instead, thirty families gathered to anchor the ritual in the moon itself; or, more precisely, in the /concept/ of the moon. A stable, known constant in our lives, from the moment we are born to the moment we die. A constant shared by the entire world. Whether they knew that the change in the moonlight would change the strength of the ritual, I’m unsure, but it is what it is.”

Ichigo gave him a puzzled frown and glanced over at Chad, the two of them holding a silent conversation that Erich let play out. He was curious to see what question the pair had for him.

“How’s it work with calling your name, then?” Ichigo finally asked, looking to Erich again. “The concept of the moon seems… too big to be overridden by a single person.”

“Yes and no. How often do you think about the moon?”

“Not often,” Chad said.

“When I see it,” Ichigo agreed.

Orihime nodded. “Yeah.”

“It’s just… there.” Uryuu tilted his head to look at Erich thoughtfully, chewing on his lower lip in thought. “So… you’re implying that the immediacy of our emotions is enough to override the moon?”

“To an extent.” Erich smiled down at Uryuu and ruffled the teen’s hair, laughing at the disgruntled noise Uryuu made in response. “Emotion has a wild magic of its own, and when you look at my wolf form, and call my name, you’re usually instinctively /wanting/ my familiar form back. And, after a while, you /expect/ a certain action to get a certain result: call my name, pull me from the wolf. Which has a power all its own, separate from that of your emotions.”

“Does it… hurt?” Uryuu asked warily, staring up at him uncertainly. “When… when we do that? Should we not?”

“It’s fine, pup,” Erich reassured, leaning forward to give Uryuu a hug. “It feels /strange/, and there’s always the urge to revert, but it never hurts. Not even in the very beginning, when I first awoke as a wolf in my late twenties.”

Uryuu pressed into the hug, arms slipping up to wrap around Erich’s chest and clinging tight. “Thank you,” he murmured, barely loud enough for Erich to hear.

“You’re welcome, pup.”