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krysmcscience · 4 months ago

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Did somebody say Bill shouldn't be allowed to swear? I think somebody said Bill shouldn't be allowed to swear. Thanks to that, have these retooled The Good Place jokes:

The "powers that be" can refer to either the Theraprism staff, the Axolotl, or just. Ya know. Disney in general. Or all three! Whichever you think is funniest. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The "party" Bill's referring to is Weirdmageddon, of course. He was quite the ashhole to everyone back then.

Ford has probably gotten pretty good at the 'tune out your psychopathic ex with dank memes' challenge.

It must be very cathartic to be able to make Bill shut up whenever you want with just the press of a button. I'm sure Ford doesn't abuse this ability at all.

Oh, sure, 'Not now,' he says, before he immediately backs out of the newly-made hole in the Theraprism wall. 🙄

Don't worry, Bill doesn't get far.

also yeah i know this one doesn't have an attempted swear - i just wanted to use the joke because of the massive stink-eye involved in it because it makes me laugh

⬇️ More goofs beneath the brief ramble if you wanna skip it lmao⬇️

Why is Ford even there, you might ask? Well, he either decided he preferred to watch Bill suffer in person over being distantly and repeatedly harassed with the same evil desperation book for the rest of his life, or he got roped into some kind of contrived community service for 1.) all his many counts of interdimensional thievery, and 2.) his ignoring all the very clear warnings to NOT summon Bill in the first place (which I like to imagine is also illegal). Theraprism staff were just like, 'Wait, this guy matters to Bill? Ooh, we can USE that! It might be the only thing that can help him want to get better!' It is not considered that throwing Ford at Bill so soon after Weirdmageddon could instead make them both WORSE - in new and altogether special ways! :D

Anyway, I'm calling it the Community Service AU, and I am most likely not going to do anything else with it beyond appropriating these silly Good Place jokes. So, feel free to adopt the concept if y'all wanna??? Just make sure that Bill is still not allowed to swear, no matter what, full stop. It's gotta be a real linguistic corkblork of a situation for him, is all I'm sayin'.

Finally, have these bonus Good Place jokes, but with Handyman!Bill this time:

'Opposite tortures' doesn't sound so bad...at least until it's an all-powerful chaos entity known for torture saying it.

you may think i forgot mabel's cute pink cheeks but the truth is that i did in fact forget but then immediately stopped caring which makes it okay, SHHHHHHH

And, finally:

lmao this is shit

True facts, if you cram Season 1 Eleanor Shellstrop and Michael into a singular triangle shape, they turn into Bill Cipher. This is science, look it up. Or don't, and just trust the source that is me, bro.

Anyway, I should be in bed, y'all have fun with these, I guess. Tune in after like a week or so and maybe I'll have an addendum to my comic about how Bill was drawn naked for karaoke night. Because him actually being naked was not the only thing I considered as a plausible explanation. XD

Also if you see any inconsistencies or errors in any of these comics, No You Do Not :D

Also also, reblogs are rad as hell and I appreciate every single one, just don't repost, please and thanks. Every time a repost is made, an artist somewhere cries. :,)

#fanart #gravity falls #billford #bill cipher #stanford pines #stanley pines #dipper pines #mabel pines #pyronica #handyman bill au #book of bill #the good place #incorrect quotes #heck yeah i'm tagging billford - cuz these old men are EXES #jfc i said i wasn't going to color any other gravity falls stuff i made - and then what do i do?#i fukken color all of it #i may have a problem lmao #the green area outside the theraprism is because i forgot what was outside it and just went 'lol greenscreen idgaf'

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townofcadence · 5 months ago

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❛ cook . present my muse with home - cooked food . The witch found that the problem with regenerative abilities was that they didn't always replenish what they needed to. Mediocre magic, curses or spells that never fully followed through. She wasn't sure what his was like, but she knew he looked exhausted.

Maybe he let her in, maybe she just slithered her way inside - either way, he was resting and she was cooking. Nutrients, protein, foods that should be easy on the stomach after what he went through. This was no kindness of a stranger. He was an investment and thus, she would keep an eye on his wellbeing.

The food was made and stored in those... quaint little boxes that were as ugly as most modern day amenities. There for whenever he awoke with a need to eat. Not seeing a need to linger beyond that, the witch let herself out the way she came, as if she had never been there.

Nonverbal Prompts

He didn't like to sleep, but after the last few days.... he needed this. And he could be thankful for once, that the exhaustion was too great for dreams to visit. He slept in a dark reprieve of nothing, Waking some time later feeling--- mildly refreshed for once. The pain hardly registered for the moment, if only because it was so much less than it had been the last few days.

Hunger wasn't something he chose to sate often either, but spotting takeaway boxes on the table, he had to assume one of his roommates must have ordered something for him. There was way too much for him, but-- he at least took one of the containers. It smelled good, even if he was still wary for his stomach. But he... probably did still need to eat. Or at least, it wouldn't hurt. He hummed a few bites in, savoring the flavor of what seemed to be some kind of meat and rice dish, mixed together. It was still good, a little sweet but mellow, and the flavor was pleasantly light.

It tasted familiar, but he couldn't put his finger on why.

#cursedfortune #answering things #ask meme answers #ic artair #the way i laughed when i saw this thank you it made me smile so hard xD

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tongue-like-a-razor · 9 months ago

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Hotter Than Texas | Part I

(unofficially: Brother's Worst Enemy)

Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x F!Reader

Alrighty y'all, this is for everyone who has so patiently waited for me to make this a thing XD Not sure if I could squeeze a whole series out of this one but we shall see. Maybe at least a part 2. Enjoy!

Summary: Bradley Bradshaw is tasked with transporting a not-so-delicate package in the form of Jake Seresin's baby sister, who turns out to be Bradley's dream girl worst nightmare.

Aka it's a road trip, strap in.

CW: swearing, age gap (10 years)

The mission is simple. Collect Seresin Junior from the train station near the main gate of the base and deliver said cargo to the Seresin homestead in Eastern Texas on his way to Atlanta, Georgia for a long overdue visit with his grandparents. It isn’t rocket science. It sure as hell doesn’t hold a candle to the canyon run he pulled off just the other month. And yet, Bradley’s drumming his fingers anxiously on the hood of his Bronco as he leans into its frame, waiting on the trolley from downtown San Diego.

While Jake and Bradley have recently made peace after their longstanding cold war, Bradley isn’t exactly thrilled to meet another one of his kind. Besides, he isn’t one for small talk, and the prospect of spending the next two days with a complete stranger is downright daunting. He prefers music to conversation and he’s hoping that his road trip companion won’t be offended when he turns up the radio and forgets there’s anybody else in the car.

When Hangman had asked for the favor, he assured Bradley that he was his last choice – which wasn’t exactly a compliment, but Bradley appreciated the gesture, nonetheless. By the end of the term, there was nobody from their squadron left on base except Bradley, and he would be heading east anyway, might as well provide shuttle service while he’s at it.

As the trolley whistles into the station, Bradley pushes off his car and straightens his back, watching the tinted windows as they zip by, a blur at first and then gradually separating as the trolley comes to a stop.

Bradley leaves his car to walk around the fence, not quite sure how he’s going to be greeting a person he’s never before seen, but it’s not like he’s going to fashion a sign for the occasion. He sticks his hands into his pockets, the breeze picking up his unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt like a parachute before it starts whipping around his torso in the wind tunnel on the platform.

He glances around at the commuters stepping off the trolley, trying to pick out the blondes that might resemble his colleague, when he feels a tap on his shoulder. He turns his head, just as you say, “Rooster, right?”

He blinks at you, slightly disoriented. You look nothing like Hangman, thank fuck, because Bradley can’t take his eyes off you and, as inappropriate as this reaction is, it would make it that much worse if you did. He gives you a sideways grin. “What gave me away?” he says.

“My brother told me to find the dorkiest guy at the station,” you respond, grinning at him.

Bradley chuckles. “So, you’re walking to Texas, then,” he says, stepping around you.

You laugh, struggling to redirect the wheels of your suitcase.

Bradley bends down to grab the handle. “I can take that,” he says, tucking away the retractable bar and lifting it off the ground by the strap.

“Thanks,” you say, cringing slightly as Bradley lifts the luggage as though you’re embarrassed by its weight.

But after the countless exercise drills over the years, Bradley hardly notices that it’s heavy. In fact, he could probably carry it over his head. He eyes you inconspicuously as you fall in step with him, wondering if perhaps that might impress you – not that he wants to impress you.

“Actually, he said I couldn’t miss you because you’d be a head taller than everyone else, and probably wearing a very bright shirt.”

Bradley looks over at you with a grin. “Hopefully I didn’t disappoint?”

You eye his shirt flapping in the breeze. “I found you, didn’t I?”

Bradley lifts your suitcase into the trunk of his car and walks around to open your door for you.

You give him a suspicious look. “Thanks,” you say.

Bradley nods at you, offering a hand to help you in. Once you’re seated, he shuts the door behind you and exhales unsteadily the kind of sigh that often accompanies a guilty conscience. There’s no way he could possibly get entangled in a mess of this magnitude. And a colossal mess it would become if he were to develop any sort of soft spot for his recent enemy’s baby sister. Bradley, being a sensible, mature adult, understands this unequivocally. But, when he rounds the car and climbs into the driver’s seat next to you, the notion that he’s not allowed under any circumstances to find you attractive flies right out his rolled down window.

This is because you’re already tuning the radio like you own the place and because you smell like a goddess. Bradley has no clue whether it’s your hair or your perfume or your goddamn essence that’s permeated his upholstery in under ten seconds, but whatever it is, he certainly wouldn’t mind smelling it on his sheets in the morning.

Fuck. He’s fucking fucked.

“This alright?” you ask casually, as if you didn’t just hijack a stranger’s radio.

He cringes at the stereo; he’ll have to work on your taste in music. “Got your seatbelt on?” he asks as he pulls out.

You turn around in your seat and pull on the seatbelt.

Bradley promptly hits the breaks and you lurch forward slightly, the seatbelt in your hand getting stuck on its way out. He looks over at you with an air of seriousness despite the small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “The seatbelt should be the first thing you do when you enter a vehicle.” Not fiddle with the radio, he adds silently.

You raise your eyebrows at him in amusement. “Okay, dad.”

Bradley nearly shudders at your response. He’s probably a good ten years older than you, so, really, while dad might be stretching it, you’re not too far off. “Keep up that attitude and you’ll be listening to Metallica the whole way home.”

You smirk at him. “I like Metallica, so joke’s on you, bud.”

Bradley starts driving again. “If you like Metallica, then why are we listening to this trash?”

Your jaw drops and you reach for the volume dial to turn up the song. “How dare you?”

Bradley rolls his eyes. Something tells him he’s in for a wild ride.

…

About two hours later, Bradley pulls into a small gas station just past the border into Arizona.

“Want something to eat?” he asks, leaning across the console to pop his glove compartment and pull out his wallet. “Or drink?”

You purse your lips. “I could go for a coffee.”

“How do you like it?” he asks.

“With a pinch of salt.”

Bradley gapes at you. “I can’t tell if you’re joking.”

You snort. “I’m not joking. You should try it! Cuts the bitterness in half, my friend.”

Bradley cringes. “The bitterness is why I drink it.”

You shake your head and declare wisely, “You’ll see.”

“That you’re a nutcase?” Bradley mutters under his breath as he exits the car. He jogs over to the convenience store, determinedly blocking out the seductive quality of your persuasive tone. You could probably convince him to drink a pint of his own urine if you set your mind to it.

Bradley drums impatiently on the counter, waiting for the clerk to finish restocking one of the shelves with chips. While he’s waiting, he glances out to check on you as if you’re a child under his charge. You’ve stepped out of the Bronco to stretch your legs and Bradley doesn’t like the way the two guys in the convertible in behind are eyeing you.

Bradley cranes his neck to check on the clerk’s progress and lets out a stifled sigh. When he looks back outside, he sees that one of the men has approached you and, well, Bradley isn’t about to wait to see what happens next. He drops a bill on the counter and calls out, “Keep the change,” to the clerk before practically slamming his way through the doors with the coffees in his hands.

Why it bothers him that some random dude might want your number is not of consequence. What matters is that Bradley gets rid of this asswipe before you start enjoying his company.

He strides confidently past the man chatting you up and stops right in between you and him, handing you a coffee.

“Careful, it’s hot,” he cautions moodily, not entirely sure how to go about handling a situation in which, objectively speaking, he has no real authority.

You meet his gaze with a small smile. “You don’t say,” you respond with all the sultriness of a blazing, desert sun.

Bradley’s gaze remains unwaveringly on you as he unhooks a pair of Ray-Bans from the neck of his muscle shirt and slides them over his eyes. “Ready to go?” he asks in a level tone, hoping he can avoid what is bound to be an unpleasant interaction with the man still standing behind him.

“Sorry ‘bout that,” the man speaks up. “Didn’t realize you were with someone, honey.”

Bradley keeps his eyes on yours for several moments longer, trying his best not to show the irritation he feels at the way this rando just called you ‘honey’. Reluctantly, he turns to face him, wondering what in the world he could say that wouldn’t make him sound jealous as fuck.

But before Bradley could speak, you slide casually into his side, leaning on him like it’s the most natural thing. “That’s just fine,” you say to the man. “No harm, no foul.”

Bradley looks down at your head as it nestles into his shoulder and then lifts his arm to let you move in closer. Trying to play it cool, he skims the tips of his fingers across your lower back, which is warm and feels like the perfect place to rest his hand.

Convertible guy promptly departs, and Bradley is left standing in an embrace with the one person on the entire planet for whom he should never catch feelings, at a derelict gas station on the outskirts of arid Yuma, Arizona, and the heat is really starting to get to him. Slowly, you start to peel yourself away and Bradley, sensing your withdrawal, drops his hand and recoils from you like you’ve burnt him.

Did it feel nice pretending you were his girl? Sure did. Is he going to erase it from his memory and never let himself so much as shake your hand again? Absolutely.

Read Part 2

Tag List

I’ll be tagging the rest in the comments probably tomorrow!

@joaquinwhorres

@katiemcrae

@sehnsuchts-trunken

@toomuchfluffs

@wintercap89

@lonelywitchv2

@callsign-jupiter

@rosiahills22

@olliepig

@coffeeaddictedmay

@boringusername3

@ratedtvpg

@mak-32

@annedub

@jules-1999

@black--lightning

@j-velvet

@xoxabs88xox

@cyanide-cryptid

@callsignvenus

@artemissunn

@gcldtom

@atarmychick007

@callsign-sunshine

@shanimallina87

@birdy-bat-writes

@wkndwlff

@chaosmxlcolm

@iminlovewithenchilidadas

@daniibzz

@avis15

@valhallavalkyrie9

@ijustwantedplums

@hal3ynicol3

@avengersfan25

@hallecarey1

@nik2blog

@kpopgirlbtssvt

@lilianashomaresparza

@lovingperfectionsblog

@bblpbb

@Elenavampire21

@SometimesAnAlice

@risingtripletaurus

@adaydreamaway08

@mattyskies

@desert-fern

@catsandbooksandstuff

@Topguncultleader

@avengers-fixation

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kyri45 · 17 days ago

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Not me abusing the asks to both share my love for the bioparents AU AND rant about the panels because none of my friends are in the LMK fandom and I'm suffering here so TAKE MY LOVE AND APPRECIATION ABOUT YOUR ART I guess x)

So first of all

I am a SUCKER for that kind of leaning in frames I'm going to print that and plaster it on my wall THEY ARE EVERYTHING /hj

I almost jumped of my chair when this one popped up YOU FED US GOOD its so worth the angst train incoming. Of course the panels before and after were equally as amazing but if I start going about every single panel we're still here in three days AT THE VERY LEAST LOL

Of course this one made me laugh like please their little faces

Using that to point out how much I love ALLLLLLL the silly faces you put in your comics I'm munching on them every single time they're crushy like chips or something just. Nom nom. Yummy.

Poor Nesha (Nesha? Nezha? Neja? I have no idea on how to write his name I already forgor LMAO) needs to be payed more. He tries to save MK and ends up dealing with two lovesick teenagers demons who have no concept of time/place/occasion apparently. Poor him. He gets a pat on the head for his troubles

And of course just the "NOPE I'M KEEPING HIM" mode and honestly we should have seen it coming- Red son was planning to courtnap him and didn't sleep in the past 5 days so he's not having any bullshit YOU'RE NOT TAKING HIS NOODLE BOY AWAY-

Could bet he spent so long thinking about the cournapping in the 5 past days his brain just cannot process that yeah maybe you need to let him down you're just going to drag him in more troubles- Either that or he's just going full protective mode. Both options are good anyways sooooo :)

We stan a protective boyfriend in this house.

---

And finally I'm SOOOOO hyped about whatever is coming next like I know that technically we're supposed to suffer but please I climbed up the angst train so many times now I'm just enjoying it by that point lol. It'll just make the following fluff even more worth it

Also I cannot wait to see MK's plan about the contract I'm so curious I'm dying I love you boys but I really want the plot to progress you can go back to kissing later lol

Finally, thank you for creating this AU. It's stumbling randomly upon it on my tik tok fyp that dragged me into watching Lego Monkie Kid and really THANK YOU FOR THAT. It's such an amazing show I CANNOT BELIEVE I didn't discovered it sooner so really thank for having created this comic because else I could have missed LMK and that would be just saaaad

Fun fact: since I had never interacted with LMK the first time I read your comic, I for some reason thought Macaque was a female (and I probably would have thought the same of Wukong if he wasn't called... well, Wukong because I randomly stumbled upon the myth's Wikipedia page at some point in my life XD). The shock I felt when I heard Macaque for the first time in the show because his voice was soooooo not what I expected x) I'm still laughing at myself to this day

So yeah, from the bottom of my heart, thank you, and I can't wait to see what you're going to pull next :D Wish you allllll the best <3

(I can totally wait, of course, it's just a figure of speech. Take your time, I could wait forever for the next chapter)

ahaha thank you for such a lovely comment!! Glad the scene gived "MINE" vibes as I was planning ahah.

Youu're welcome! It's an honor to serve this fandom. *bows*

#shadowpeach bio parents au

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mad-hunts · 8 months ago

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the silence that had ensued shortly after he spoke was surprisingly not as deafening as barton thought it was going to be. but that kind of made sense to him, considering that things seemed to be becoming a little more civil between them, slowly but surely. barton hadn't exactly been conniving towards jervis besides throwing the occasional insult towards him and being annoyed with his guilt; which, in his case, was progress. now he knew that jervis was upset because of other things (seemingly the fact that he had to endure feeling all of the physical sensations that marty and those around him in general did) but he was at a bit of a standstill regarding how exactly he should react to that.

the fact did remain that they weren't friends, and so jervis likely wouldn't welcome any sort of attempt barton made at comforting him. or at least... this is how he thought about it. at the blank stare he'd been given, barton's lips ever-so-subtly tugged downwards into a frown. he supposed that might've been a bit uncalled for, but there was no use in crying over split milk, right? so barton only ruminated over it for a second before silently watching ravi walk away after he told jervis, ❝ you're welcome. i know you guys have had a rough day, wherever you might've been — and desserts always make me feel better. ❞ his hands were tingling now and he suddenly felt this pressure on his heart. with a bit of dread, barton soon connected the dots based on his previous experiences with this and gauged that this was because he was feeling possessive. ravi was his friend first and yet he was acting like he'd known jervis for a while.

swinging his legs back and fourth slightly to let out all of the nervous energy in his body all of a sudden, barton took to withdrawing within his mind to try to solve this. it was sort of unreasonable for him to not want jervis to be friendly with ravi; this much he believed, as he was genuinely a nice guy and just because he talked to jervis, didn't mean that he was stealing ravi away from him or anything. barton still felt the need to distract himself from this feeling, however, by pressing one of his nails into his palms. and barton was relieved to find that the pain from digging it into his skin (as unhealthy as a coping mechanism as it actually was) helped him get over it, thankfully. barton's grin was all but gone the moment his possessiveness came into play but he had an inkling that jervis probably wouldn't miss it all that much.

he could see that jervis was tense. barton finished the last of his curry and waved at one of the chefs through the window they had into the lobby, before putting up a 'two' with his fingers to tell him that he wanted another plate. the chef nodded before he committed to listening to jervis talk about his experience with discrimination against him because of his synesthesia. barton had an unreadable look on his face that might've been something in between sympathy, as well as unamusement at what he was hearing the other kids had said to jervis, ❝ oh? well, they'll get theirs one day. nobody does something as screwed-up as accusing someone of faking a condition without receiving some bad karma for it later. and a word of advice: don't even think about the people who said those things anymore. just erase them from your mind, no matter how hard it may be. because the greatest revenge sometimes is forgetting entirely about the people who've insulted you and living your life to the fullest. ❞ he stated this plainly, though he shrugged at the end as if to say ' that's just how it is sometimes ' and barton tilted his head at jervis.

❝ and i get how that can suck, but people who avoid you simply because you're different aren't worth your time. so you honestly kind of dodged a bullet in a way because they revealed their true colors to you immediately; that they were all a bunch of prejudiced jerks. i've never treated anyone like trash because they were different, though, so you don't need to worry about me. i know a thing or two about it as kids can be cruel even if you haven't done a damn thing to them. i mean, after an incident happened where i accidentally made someone fall with the fact that i already behaved differently from everyone else added into it, things just went downhill from there. i'll just leave it at that, ❞ he didn't seem particularly upset about it, as barton kept his voice level throughout his talk, though this was because barton had convinced himself that he didn't care about it anymore. that might not have necessarily been fully true however.

barton blinked absently at the other a few times, ❝ it's fine, jervis. i don't even know why you're apologizing. i can imagine it, yeah, as people always have their own opinions about things like this. even foolish opinions. mm, well, it does theoretically make you more hard to read, ❞ he reaffirmed his opinion of the other before tapping one of his nails onto the counter, a gentle tap-tap-tap sound coming from it. ❝ that's true. ❞ barton kept his reply to jervis's next statement short and sweet, while he picked up the spoon inside of his falooda, only to stop. there was something going on with jervis again. he was gripping his bowl like a vice, then closing his eyes, and this led to barton letting out a barely audible but uncertain hum.

ahh, he guessed it wouldn't kill him to be nice to jervis once more, barton thought. he pushed his falooda over to him and desperately tried to ease the feeling of all the blood rushing to his head as barton wasn't sure what to say to justify the action. but all the same, he listened to jervis and nodded, admittedly a bit flustered as he couldn't look at him if he were to say what he had in mind. ❝ mhm. anyways, i might've noticed you eyeing my falooda and so i thought i'd let you try some of it if you wanted to. besides... ahh, icecream is a good pick-me-up, or whatever. ❞

oh, god. he was being a little too awkward about this. barton just hoped that jervis wouldn't reject his offer, because that'd probably make his face feel even hotter than it already was. he really wasn't good at comforting people, but he was trying, so there's that.

If you really think all that's plaguing me is a guilty conscience right now, you clearly haven't listened to a damn thing I've said. Or you simply don't care at the moment.

Jervis gave Barton a flat stare, absently pressing his hand in the same spot as the other man's injured ribcage. Gray spots danced briefly before his eyes, the corners of his vision turning foggy, before the aroma of the soup and its bright colors provided a welcome distraction. He swallowed thickly, unfurled the paper napkin with a snap of his wrist before taking up his spoon, managing a faint, but genuine smile of gratitude. "Thanks, Ravi... and dinnae fash."

As Barton lifted a forkful of curry to his lips, Jervis felt a surge of discomfort prickling at the edges of his consciousness. The scent of spices hung heavy in the air, mingling with the faint tang of sweat and blood and dirt that clung to Barton's clothes. With each bite Barton took, Jervis felt a phantom sensation creeping up his own throat, as if he could taste the greasy residue coating the inside of his mouth. His gaze flickered between the steaming broth and Barton's plate and the glass of strawberry falooda, the vibrant colors and rich aromas bleeding into his own senses. Why did something as simple as eating have to be so damn complicated? Suppressing a shudder as Barton clasped his hands with that stupid grin, feeling the echo of those too-sharp nails raking against his own knuckles.

"Nothing asshole-ish about it," Jervis muttered as he stirred the celery and carrots and watched them swim in the rich yellow broth, mingling with the expected rice, chicken, thyme, and pepper. "Frankly, when I was so routinely accosted by those arrogant, tactless berks in my old group home and the prospective foster families as a kid once they caught on to my condition, if it wasn't outright dismissed and I wasn't accused of fabricating it... Wanting to know if I got anything out of pornography; if I was a bloody psychic; if it was all the result of ruddy pixie dust; or they essentially avoided me like the plague because it just made them uncomfortable, like it was an insult to them..." -- and here he rolled his eyes at the recollections; old wounds, the calluses had long hardened, they no longer pained him as they once had, but God, that was too much weight for a child to bear -- "... I hope you'll forgive me for being a bit technical. Not that it's any business of mine to educate you, and I'm not making any presumptions. But it can be rather lonely, as you might imagine, dealing with something like this... though, I suppose I'll give you props. I've never heard it be described as making me 'unpredictable' before."

He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath to steady himself, and focused on the taste of the soup on his tongue. It was comforting, familiar, its consistency strangely reminiscent of the fish chowders from his early childhood in Bermuda. For a moment, he allowed himself to savor the flavor, letting it wash over him like a wave of nostalgia. "And if I had to venture a guess, I think my guy might warrant more scrutiny. I can't imagine it's often the GCPD has seen pins or needles being used as a weapon..."

His gloved hands fidgeted nervously as he struggled to focus on his meal, clenching tighter around the ceramic bowl as if to ground himself in its warmth. Yellow broth. Primroses, the fasteners on Paddington Bear's mackintosh, daffodils in spring, the paint we chose for Alice's nursery... not vibrant... softer, more of a pale, buttery-yellow that didn't clash with the blue carpet... the flower-pot parasol in Sylvie’s mushroom garden... His train of thought and color associations was interrupted by the faint scents of apricots and lavender suddenly drifting in the air then, like wisps of smoke, and Jervis' heart skipped a beat. He raised his eyes from his food.

Behind Barton's right shoulder, casually swinging her denim-clad legs from where she sat perched on the countertop, Sylvie's image materialized before him; her pale features and luminous gray eyes so much like Alice's framed by her thick strands of chestnut hair. A faint, bemused smile tugged at the corners of her mouth, as if she could see right through him and knew exactly what he was feeling. "Five things," she mouthed, her words like a gentle caress against his skin. Jervis closed his eyes, allowing himself to be enveloped by her presence, if only for a fleeting moment.

Always good advice.

Five things he saw: the flickering lights in the bathroom, the patterned wallpaper in the main dining hall, the gleam of Barton's silverware, the cheerful colors of the restaurant decor, the gentle sway of the ceiling fan above.

Four things he could touch: the smooth surface of the soup bowl, the rough texture of the tablecloth beneath his fingertips, the comforting weight of his gloves against his skin, the subtle vibrations of the floor beneath his feet.

Three things he heard: the soft hum of the air conditioning, the distant rumble of traffic outside, the faint strains of conversation and laughter drifting from beyond the kitchen doors.

Two things he could smell: the heady aroma of spices wafting from Barton's plate, the tang of dishwater soap.

One thing he could taste: the subtle undertones of apples and lentils in his own soup.

A slight, bittersweet smile crept at his mouth, as he listened to Barton speak of Matilda, of her mother. "Yeah... that's the thing, isn't it? There's nothing quite so endearing -- or undoing -- as a daughter." Jervis had no idea if the statement was meant purely for Barton, or directed towards himself, but there was no way he could disguise the hue of genuine understanding, of recognition, that colored his tone.

... I think I see you a bit more clearly now.

#divingdownthehole #tw: discussions of ableism.#tw: mentions of neurodivergent discrimination.#OMG did you really? well i'm glad that i was able to make you laugh lolll especially since that is exactly what i was hoping it'd do (':#but ahh now that you mention it that is even better than me just being able to make you laugh from the first sentence alone!! i'm so-#honored that i was able to make you laugh that often <33 but oh my gosh. that is honestly SUCH a perfect description of him NGL haha #now i have to send you a picture of a gleeful raccoon and ask you whether it is accurate to what you were imagining xD but the ben-#affleck meme... i can't. you've got me seriously wheezing over here JSJSJ that is amazing OMG and also very accurate.#but yessir we are!! and aww i'm so glad that you're enjoying it. thank you smmm emi 🥺 but PFFT you just made me cackle so-#hard. that meme is timeless NGL and oh no need to apologize!! it's all good my friend. don't even worry about it #i know you had surgery recently and so it's completely understandable. but honestly there's no obligation for you to reply within a-#certain time frame ever alright? so always take your time with things and goshhh yeah i cannot imagine it must be easy. but i wish-#you a speedy recovery and i hope you're feeling at least a little bit better by now ❤️#but oh my gosh. i just wanted to take a moment to talk about how barton is sooo not used to trying to comfort people that he was-#literally SO flustered whenever he did something as simple as offer him some of his falooda. like OMG am i the only one who finds that-#strangely kind of wholesome despite him being a serial killer 💀 JSJSJ

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milkloafy · 6 months ago

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TOO LATE TO BE YOUR FIRST LOVE, BUT I’LL ALWAYS BE YOUR FAVORITE — MEGUMI FUSHIGURO

⋆｡˚ ❀ summary: megumi has known you since childhood as his sister’s annoying friend. now, years later, he sees you at a nice restaurant and wonders why you’re all alone. ⋆｡˚ ❀ contents: fem!reader, fluff, aged up au, gojo is…here xD, bsf brother / sister’s bsf au, reader wears a dress, megumi checks reader out, reader gets stood up by her ex womp womp… ⋆｡˚ ❀ wc: 1.9k+ ⋆｡˚ ❀ a/n: first jjk fic and i’m starting it off with a banger cliche ! i can’t help it okay megumi’s sister is soooo pretty pls by my bsf in another life :3 also ik this title is so long i literally could not think of anything so i was like okay yeah sure let’s listen to miss sabrina carpenter and then bam! here we go i guess!

“Be good to my kouhai, okay Megumi-chan?”

Those were the words that rung through his head as he saw you sitting at a table for two, alone and dolled up in a nice dress with pearls around your neck.

Megumi didn’t claim to be an expert in your life or personal preferences, but from what he did know of you, you weren’t exactly the type to take yourself out on a date all alone. It drew too much unwanted attention towards you that you likely did not want to deal with.

That was something he certainly resonated with.

After watching you pick up your glass of water and put it down five times all in the span of one minute, he almost felt bad enough for you to head over there and take you out of your misery. Unfortunately, an aggravating voice beside him reminded Megumi why he was in this fancy restaurant in the first place.

“Isn’t that right, Megumi-kun?”

“Huh?” he asked, turning his attention back to his own table.

Gojo was leaning forward on the table with a smug look on his face, a look that Megumi learned was never good. Although Gojo had shades on blocking his gaze, Megumi sensed Gojo was looking directly at you.

“I said she’s pretty, isn’t she?”

Megumi glared at the white-haired pervert with an irritated look on his face. “She’s not for you, old man.”

Gojo laughed as he held his arms up innocently. “I meant for you. You’ve been staring at her for a while now. It’s kinda creepy, actually.”

“That’s Tsumiki’s friend,” said Megumi, choosing to ignore Gojo’s comment. “One of her closest. Not sure why she’s here by herself. I just want to make sure she’s not in any kind of trouble.”

“Well, let’s examine the evidence,” Gojo declared, clearing his throat before counting his fingers on one hand. “One, her hair and makeup are done real nice. Two, she’s in a fancy dress. Three, she’s been giving that glass of water a death glare for the past few minutes.”

Megumi raised his brow, unamused. “Okay. And?”

“Your sister's friend over there has just been stood up,” concluded Gojo, leaning against the back of his chair in satisfaction. “Now, if you’re going to do something about it, I suggest you do it before Yuuji and Nobara get here.”

“Why?”

“Do you have to ask? The moment they arrive they’ll follow along behind you and see what you’re doing,” cautioned Gojo, as if he wouldn’t join them in an instant.

Megumi made a face at the thought, but he knew Gojo was right. Itadori and Kugisaki would stick their noses into any and everything that involved him and would somehow find a way to embarrass him yet again.

Standing up, Megumi sighed. “How long do I have?”

“I told them the reservation was for ten minutes ago. So you should have at least twenty minutes now.”

“Thanks,” Megumi grumbled, heading over to your table with an awkward expression on his face. He hoped this wouldn’t embarrass you further, but he could deal with your potential attitude as long as it brought you some comfort.

Though you may be annoying at times with how often you teased him and called him girly nicknames he hated, you were still his sister’s best friend. Helping you save face seemed like the good thing to his sister would want him to do.

“Hey.”

Startled, you looked up from your phone and saw Megumi standing next to your table, his arms folded across his chest.

The moment you met his gaze, your eyes brightened and you waved at him.

“Gumi-chan!” you sang as a greeting, voice too loud for the formal ambiance of the restaurant.

“Shh! Are you crazy?” hissed Megumi, looking around frantically to make sure Gojo did not overhear you calling him that. However, judging by the shit-eating grin on Gojo’s face, Megumi knew Gojo heard and would never let Megumi live this down.

You giggled at his embarrassment.

Megumi huffed. Shouldn’t you be the embarrassed one here?

“Long time no see,” you said, motioning for him to sit across from you in the opposite seat. “What’s little Megumi doing at a fancy place like this?” You paused, gasping in surprise from a story you totally just made up about his situation, he assumed. “Don’t tell me you’re here on a date! I have to text Tsumiki! They grow up so fast…”

“I’m the same age as you,” he mumbled.

You reached over and pinched his cheek. Megumi swatted your hand away. “You sure act younger, though!”

“Shut up.”

Megumi sighed, wondering why he wanted to comfort you in the first place. You seemed just fine to him.

“I’m not here on a date,” he finally replied, hoping you hadn’t yet sent his sister any incriminating texts about his non-existent date. “Gojo-sensei is treating some of his students out for a graduation dinner.”

“Aww! Graduation, already?” you cooed, as if you didn’t also just graduate university this year. “They really do grow up so fast!”

“You can stop talking now.”

You laughed, knowing better than to take his grumpy words too seriously. Megumi was glad he didn’t have to explain that side of himself to you.

“What about you?”

“Me?” you parroted.

“Are you here on a date?”

You slowly brought up your glass of water to you and nodded. “Supposed to be…”

“You’re dating someone new already?” asked Megumi, thinking about the annoying ex-boyfriend of yours you finally broke up with a few months ago.

Hesitantly, you shook your head, toying with the pearl beads on your necklace. “Not exactly…”

He raised a brow, waiting for you to stop being so vague.

“He’s not someone new,” you mumbled, your voice clouded with embarrassment.

“He’s not new?”

“Oh, Gumi! Are you really going to make me say it?” you cried, puffing your cheeks in indignation. “My ex, alright? I was supposed to be on a date with my ex right now. And he stood me up!”

Megumi blinked, his mind jumping through hoops to piece together what you were implying. “Let me get this straight.”

You made a defeated noise of agreement.

“You broke up with your ex, he groveled and begged for your forgiveness, you agreed to go on a date with him for god knows why, and he still stood you up. And now you’re here, sad and alone.”

You groaned, covering your own ears. “It sounds even more pathetic when you say it out loud. God. I’m so pathetic, Gumi.”

“Hey,” said Megumi gruffly. “What would Tsumiki do if she heard you say that just now? You’re not pathetic. Your ex is the pathetic one.”

“You’re right,” you sniffled, nodding at his word. “But I still can’t help but feel that way, though.”

For the first time tonight, he saw a dejected expression cross your face. It always unsettled him to see you unhappy.

“He’s dumb for standing you up.” Megumi rubbed the back of his neck, looking away uncomfortably. “Listen, you deserve someone better than him, okay?”

“Someone like you?” you teased with the start of a grin forming on your face.

Megumi rolled his eyes in annoyance, but deep down, he was glad to see your smile return.

“Eh? Who said you would deserve someone like me?” he retorted.

You giggled, putting your hand over your heart dramatically. “Ouch! You wound me, Gumi.”

He shrugged.

“And here I thought you would feel bad enough for me to finally give me a chance,” you proclaimed with an exaggerated sigh.

“Shut up.”

His short words didn’t disguise the heat from spreading across his cheeks to the tips of his ears. You always toyed with him like that… There was no way you actually meant it, he told himself.

“Hey,” he said, about to suggest something he might later regret. “Instead of sitting here alone, do you want to join me?”

Your eyes widened at his invitation and his ears turned an even darker shade of pink.

“Not alone! There’ll be others there,” he said hastily. “For the graduation dinner, remember? But they won’t mind.”

You tapped your index finger to your chin a few times, as if thinking hard, before agreeing easily. “Sure! Beats being alone. And, just for the record, I would have said yes even if it was just us two.”

Megumi scowled. His poor face wasn’t able to catch a break from all the annoying heat rushing to it. “Let’s go, then.”

As you stood, you smoothed your dress down and adjusted the length so you wouldn’t accidentally flash your ass to those seated behind you. Immediately, Megumi found his gaze wandering to where the hem of your dress hugged your soft thighs. His throat grew dry.

When he managed to tear his gaze away from your body and back to your face, he noticed you looking at him always expectantly, as if waiting for him to explain why the hell he was checking you out for so long.

Megumi cleared his throat, hoping his voice wouldn’t sound too strained. “It’s a good thing you were stood up, you know?”

“Huh?” you asked in confusion.

“Your ex doesn’t deserve to see how you look in that dress anyway.”

“Oh,” you managed to say, averting your gaze as a bashful look took over your face. This was the first time in ages that Megumi has seen you look like this.

He smiled to himself, savoring the sweet look of shyness on your face. Typically, you were the one teasing him, much to his annoyance. It was nice to get some payback sometimes.

“Thank you, Gumi,” you murmured, fingers toying with the hem on your dress, only making it rise up higher on your thighs.

“Just the truth,” he said with forced nonchalance.

As the two of you approached the table, the contentment Megumi felt was instantly doused when he saw Gojo, Itadori, and Kugisaki all ogling at you with their mouths wide open.

“Oh ho ho! Is this a friend of yours, Megumi-kun?”

“Hey, I’m Itadori!”

“Run while you can! You’re too pretty for him, got it?”

You waved at the table, somehow not scared away by their obnoxiousness. “Hi! And yes, his sister tells me that all the time!” You looked over at Megumi and winked. “But I think he’s just as pretty.”

Megumi groaned as he sat down in an empty seat, putting his head in his hands in exasperation as he heard everyone laughing together. He was already regretting introducing you to his idiot friends.

But as you took a seat next to him, he peered at you through a crack between his fingers, and he couldn’t help but feel pleased at the joyful expression on your face. If it was up to him, that’s the only way you would look.

Along with your shy expression, of course. Megumi would pay to see that again as well.

You met his eyes through the sliver of space between his fingers and grinned at him. His found his worries fading away.

Megumi sighed to himself. Maybe he should thank your scumbag ex for standing you up, after all. Turns out he quite liked your company. Maybe even as more than just his sister’s annoying friend.

As if you were able to read his mind, you blew him a kiss from the seat beside him and his face reddened once more.

Gojo whooped and hollered at the interaction and Megumi felt himself sinking further and further into his seat.

Never mind, he told himself. You were still the pain in his ass that would never go away.

But maybe Megumi didn't want it to.

#megumi x reader #jjk x reader #fushiguro x reader #megumi fushiguro x reader #megumi fluff #jjk fluff #megumi x you #megumi x y/n #jjk imagines #jjk fanfic #jujutsu kaisen x reader #fushiguro megumi x reader

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despairforme · 1 year ago

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Dont be a grump you need the happiness beam 💫🌟🌟⭐🌟🎉🎉⭐🌟💫✨💫🌟💫🎉🎉💥💥⭐🌟⭐⭐🌟🎉🎉🎉❤️💛💙🩵💜🧡💜🩶💙🩷🧡❤️🤎💚💚💫✨💥💜💫💛✨💚🩶🎉🎉⭐⭐💛💥🌟💜🤎💙🌟✨

. . .

#[ omfg xD ]#[ i got this ask and immediately thought of this con that i hardly ever use ]#[ happiness beam for him !!!!! ]#[ thank you for sending anon xD it made me laugh ]#despair for me. ╱ in character.#talking shit. ╱ answers.#the praying mantis. ╱ canon verse.

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umnitsa · 7 months ago

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Dirty old man

Summary: Joel is on his seventies, but he still has needs.

A/N: Ok, so. One pic made the rounds in one of the discord servers I frequent and it made me wild, I won't lie (it was a pic/meme with aged Pedro Pascal). Highly inspired by @toxicanonymity's GILF!Joel (mine is a bit of a perv, but this isn't really a dark fic). It was also inspired by @atticrissfinch's MMITB (I wish I had a fraction of her talent for dirty talk, but I'm not even a native speaker of English, so I do what I can). Now you go read them both, I ASSURE YOU it'll be a good time. Huge thanks for all the people that cheered me on with this: Toxi, @romanarose, @beefrobeefcal, @gwendibleywrites, I love you all. (I must admit that I don't know if I'll ever continue this, honestly, although part of me wants to get to the sex scene. xD)

Pairing: No outbreak old man!Joel x Reader

CW: Joel being bold, dirty talk. That's it <3

No beta, we die like lonely writers xD

It wasn’t a bad job.

Sarah wanted to hire you to take care of her father, Joel. He wasn’t that old, but years of hard work in construction gave him some mobility issues. Sarah worried he spent too time alone, and that he could fall, get hurt and trapped without help because of his pride (which seemed to be a real possibility, considering Joel didn’t want to lose his independence in any way).

You were supposed to get the night shift, which was nice. The night shift was calm, except when it wasn’t. Sarah assured you she talked to her father, she wanted to introduce you to him, before you started working.

You prepared for war, if the man was as stubborn and grumpy as his daughter described.

Sarah introduced you and the old man looked at you over his glasses.

“You sure this pretty thing can lift me off the floor?” He asked, a crooked smirk stretching his lips. You considered answering him, but he raised his face defiantly and winked.

He was teasing his daughter.

You chuckled, to Joel’s delight. Sarah hired you on the spot.

***

Joel was grumpy most of the time. You could understand. Getting older was specially hard on some people. Losing their independence seemed to be a horrifying blow.

You admired the family pictures displayed on the walls and the bookshelves. They showed a younger Joel, large and proud, wearing tight tshirts that showed his big arms.

He didn’t change much, to be honest. His hair now was completely silver, as his beard. The wrinkles didn’t spoil his roguish smile. He was on his seventies, but looked younger, somehow. You blamed his brown eyes.

***

“You know what I miss most about my youth?” He said softly one day, entering the living room. You were looking at his pictures. He slowly moved by your side and placed a hand over your back, rubbing gentle circles. “All the pussy.”

You turned to him, astonished at his boldness. He smirked, then shrugged. You felt your face getting warm and a different, slick, syrupy warmth pooling on your lower belly. He licked his lips and sighed.

“It was easy to get pussy with those looks.” He pointed at one picture of himself and smiled proudly. “Didn’t fuck as much as I wanted, or as much as I could. Tried to be a good dad. Don’t regret anything, but... Oh boy, I miss it.” He looked you up and down, his smile turning appreciative.

“Thought old pervs like you liked tiny thin teenagers.” You scoffed.

“Only dumbasses want those.” Joel chuckled, his hand sliding lower on your back. “I like them older. Like you. With those eyes, like you know and did everything under the sun.” Joel hums, closing his eyes. “Get them cockdumb and they cry so sweetly… Mmmm, the surprise in their wide eyes...” He licks his lips, watching your reaction. You laugh, trying to hide your own arousal.

“Well, Joel, I think the preference is because they are supposed to be tight.” You said firmly, standing your ground. You refused to look shocked, and you saw no reason to scold him, at least not yet. Maybe it was your pussy talking.

Joel leaned over you slowly; you stayed very still. His warm breath tickled your ear.

“After a certain size, honey, everything feels tight.” He said softly, grabbing his half hard cock through his pants. You looked down and gasped, noticing the girth of his bulge inside his huge hand. Joel stepped back, smiling proudly, and moved into the house, dragging his feet. “Lemme know if you want a ride, sweetheart. Them blue pills are easy to get.” He turned and winked at you.

#maycore #mayb writes #joel miller x reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller smut #peepaw can fuck #with some help #but he really can #dirty old man joel

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solxamber · 13 days ago

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I'm not sure how many of those Holiday Event asks you've got up to this point.. yet it's still worth giving it a try..! ( •̀ ᗜ •́ )

Could you do Diasomnia with prompt no. 2 genre comedy, maybe some fluff?

[I can't stop imaging: Malleus acidentally knocking over the flour causing him to be wholly covered in it XD]

If you're gotten many reguest for the Holiday Event, you don't have to do this one ❤ Thank you in advance!

Great Kitchen Rescue || Silver

For the Holiday Event! || Theme: Cooking/Baking together ; Genre: Comedy with Fluff

When Lilia announced he’d be making dinner, your survival instincts kicked in.

“Lilia, why don’t Silver and I take over tonight? You’ve been working so hard recently,” you said, voice dripping with a desperation you hoped he wouldn’t notice.

Lilia looked at you suspiciously, holding a jar of something pink and faintly glowing. “Are you sure? I had a very special recipe planned.”

“That’s what we’re afraid of,” you muttered under your breath before grabbing Silver and marching into the kitchen.

The plan was simple: you’d cook, and Silver would handle anything that needed minimal effort. You assigned him the stew. Stirring couldn’t go wrong, right?

Wrong.

You were just rinsing the rice when you heard a suspicious “thud.” Spinning around, you found Silver listing dangerously over the pot, eyes half-closed.

“Silver! Are you falling asleep?!” you shrieked, lunging across the kitchen to grab him.

“Mm… no…” he mumbled, head bobbing dangerously closer to the bubbling stew.

“Yes, you are! Get up before you become the main course!” You yanked him upright with a strength you didn’t know you had.

Silver blinked at you, a lazy smile on his face. “You’re really good at catching people, you know that?”

“Stop flirting and stay conscious!”

You wedged him between the counter and the fridge for support, and he obediently leaned back, eyes drooping again. You gave up. Fine. You’d cook everything yourself if it meant saving everyone from accidental cannibalism.

After a heroic struggle, the meal was finally ready. You carried the dishes to the dining room with Silver trailing behind, yawning like he’d just run a marathon.

Malleus took a bite of the stew and gave a thoughtful nod. “This is... remarkable. Thank you for sparing us from culinary experiments.”

Lilia looked deeply offended. “My cooking isn’t that bad!”

You raised an eyebrow. “Last week you made ‘salmon surprise.’ The surprise was that it was purple.”

Lilia waved a dismissive hand. “That’s creativity.”

Silver, now fully awake after eating, leaned over and whispered, “You really did save us all. Especially me. Thanks.”

You glanced at him, thinking about how close you’d come to serving up a “Silver stew” special. “Anytime. Just promise me you’ll never cook unsupervised again.”

Lilia stood suddenly, clapping his hands. “This inspires me to bake dessert!”

You and Silver exchanged a look of pure horror.

“NO!” you, Silver, Sebek, and Malleus shouted in unison, with Sebek clutching his bowl protectively like his life depended on it.

Lilia just laughed. “Haha! You're all no fun!”

Masterlist

#twst x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #twst #twisted wonderland #twst silver x reader #silver x reader #silver twst #twst silver

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