umnitsa

[umnitsa]

Sinful Sunday thoughts.

Smut under the cut.

Din Djarin and Cobb Vanth

Neither of you had meant to get so carried away. If you knew that the feared Mandalorian would be hunting you down on the back street of a mid rim planet, it would have never gone that far.

Din wasn't a jealous man. He shared you both freely. You were both his, but neither of you felt about each other the way you both felt about Din. Din even let you find pleasure in others while he was away on business. During these times, neither you nor Cobb looked for each other's company. This time had just been a chance encounter a bar. It started off as a game to see who had learned more about the other while watching Din take them apart. The next thing you knew, an angry Mandalorian stood at the door of a room that reeked of sex and quietly seethed as he ordered you to dress and follow him.

All the streets and alley ways looked the same as you ran down them. Part of you knew it was hopeless, that Din was far too good at his job. You hadn't even seen him once since you left his ship, and he ordered you to run.

In the back of your mind, you felt he was there in the shadows. It compelled you, chose each turn for you to drive you away from him. You told yourself it was just your anxiety, not the stealthy bounty hunter. Cobb Vanth bound, and on his knee in the next yard, you came to proved that theory wrong.

Din swaggers out of the shadows like a cat. His feet barely make a sound even when carrying his hard muscle and layers of Beskar.

"I'm surprised you both kept running as long as you did. You knew I'd catch you." His voice is as smooth as always, not a hint of tiredness from the hunt.

"I figured I'd try to tire you out so you'd go easy on the lady." Cobb throws a wink in your direction.

"How noble." Din sighs unamused. "You didn't do her any favours. All you did was take the shine off of my baskar making me run around here, which now you are going to clean."

Din uncuffs Cobb before sitting in the middle of the space. His long legs are out in front of him as he beckons you over. "Here."

As you get closer, he makes you step over his thighs, parting your legs. The dress you wear barely covers your panties, and then it barely covers your modesty as Din rips the damp underwear from you. "Kneel."

Din guides you as you drop to you knees for a moment you think he will let you straddle his obvious bulge, instead he guides you until he is flat on his back with you straddling his chest plate.

"Now, clean it. Drag your dripping pussy all over it and don't you dare come." Embarrassment floods you as you awkwardly ride Din's armour. Any pleasure you feel is bitten back as he fixes that dark T shape on you.

After what feels like forever out here, so close to civilisation and with Cobb watching Din stops you. "Dank farrik, you made it worse. Cobb, come and clean it...with your tongue."

The cowboy looks a shadow of his usual cocky self. He doesn't even stand to cross the space. He crawls on hands and knees before licking a strip on the cold metal behind you. His warm breath flows over the globes of your ass.

"Keep going. Make it shine." Din has one hand on your hip, making you spread your juices around and one hand on Cobb's head, ensuring that he doesn't miss a drop.

When you both look suitably humiliated, Din takes pity on you both. "Now, are you ever going to leave me out again?" You both shake your heads. "Good. Your King deserves a holo vid, at least. Come here." Din's hands simultaneously draw you upwards to sit on his face, your pubic bone lifting his helmet as you do and pushes Cobb down to suck on his cock. Once your king had drank his fill and emptied his load, he encourages you to share in pleasuring his other lover. Din's tongue glides over yours while you both pay attention to Cobb's wide shaft. When his balls tighten in Din's hands, he make sure that you take the majority of Cobb's load in your mouth only to steal it away with a deep kiss.

[umnitsa]

average cis conception of gender is roughly equivalent to "every single liquid is either type O+ blood or cold-pressed peanut oil." and you're like "are there not perhaps a handful of exceptions" & they get so mad they start funding nazi militias

[umnitsa]

We’re about to become even more unbearable in this internet!!!!

[umnitsa]

Charlie Cox but his chest hair keeps increasing 🤤

[umnitsa]

You guys do know you're supposed to reblog things, right

[umnitsa]

VAI KASINÃO!

[umnitsa]

So this was a pre-planned (and likely paid for by the Kremlin) show: to invite Zelenskyy, scold him like a kindergartener in front of the press, present him with an unreasonable "deal" - an ultimatum - knowing full well he will refuse it (as anyone in this position would). And then tell the world: "Look, our mighty Orange King could've ended this horrible war in a day, but this poorly-dressed, warmongering, ungrateful twat just doesn't want peace! It's not our fault, we did what we could!"

The show is so cheap, so transparent, yet still effective for so many brainless people.

[umnitsa]

Fuck yes.

[umnitsa]

David Harbour via Instagram Stories

[umnitsa]

Honest to god, I have been living in the Domingo skits but this was glorious! 🤣🤣🤣🥰🥰🥰

never getting over this

[umnitsa]

Hey kid you want a job?

Great get online and go to a job board. Indeed, Linkedin whatever. Now you're gonna search for a role that's in your city, fits your qualifications, and doesn't seem like a bad time.

See that easy apply button? Don't hit it they just throw those in the trash. Now you're gonna want to go to the company's website and check their careers page.

Oh? That job doesn't exist anymore. Cool go back to the job board and find another one.

Great you found another job, you're on the company's career page and the job exists!! So you're going to need to make an account on the career page website. They're using Workday, the same site as the last job you applied for? Who cares? You need to make another account for THIS job's workday page.

Now you're going to upload your resume. That'll autopopulate about 15 boxes with everything on your resume, except formatted wrong and with tons of errors. So just go through and painstakingly check the dates on all of that and rewrite everything you already laid out in an aesthetically pleasing format on your resume.

Ok time for the cover letter, explain why this specific job and company are deeply important to you. You love their mission statement and wouldn't even laugh if their ceo was gunned down in the street. You'll really want to reiterate the things you just spent the last 20 minutes filling out on the resume section

(Remember to include language from the job description, people who work in HR are lower than dogs and they need patterns or they get confused.) Write about a page, but hey don't sound too desperate or robotic this is where they judge your character!

Maybe add your portfolio site at the end here, who knows if that helps no one has ever clicked mine haha.

Anywayyy time to hit apply! Congrats! You'll see that confirmation email come in and you should be getting the rejection letter in about 2 weeks. Unfortunately your resume didn't have the right buzzwords and the AI auto rejected you :(

Time to start again and try not to kill yourself!

[umnitsa]

before it gets bad I'm just gonna tell y'all certain rich people have literally only recently noticed Open Source software availability compromises the bottom line of their proprietary investments so if you see little chickadees on this website talking about the dangers of Open Source software all of a sudden it's cuz they accidentally sipped some koolaid mixed up by the far right yacht people to fuck with peoples software sovereignty and right to repair, modify, and redistribute robust codebases that become a problem when 30% of your portfolio is in, oh, say, adobe or openai.

This is your unfriendly neighborhood computer fucker telling you not to fall for it and to demand your right to digital sovereignty rather than trusting companies to make correct choices about what to do with the parts of your life they would very much like to have in the cloud to continue improving their products.

[umnitsa]

my little brother & i are having a scholarly debate about mornings

[umnitsa]

I still don't know how pathetic crybaby Mark Severance managed to seduce all those women.

He shouldn't be able to cheat on his beautiful wife because no fucking one should even feel attracted by this pathetic loser.

I love him.

I don't watch severance but I've been having posts on my dash and I only just now saw a gifset featuring mark's wife and I think if I was in a situation where I was ambiguously clone-married to THIS woman and even considered ambiguously clone-cheating on her I'd have to commit ritual suicide

[umnitsa]

Abolish Tesla.

[umnitsa]

i hate ~professional phonecalls in full generality but like, listen. i understand being on hold for a zillion years. i know places are shortstaffed. i get it. however i think i should not have to navigate more than 1 phone tree submenu in order to get to the point of being on hold. i was going to compare this to a labyrinth but i think that would be more fun and less stressful honestly. yes even with a minotaur

[umnitsa]

As a 45yo who see men on their 50s only having relationships with women in their 30s... And as someone who often checks the ages of the actors in casting... Babies, you never lost, the world is yours, just go out and fetch your older dude before it's too late and they feel disgusted by your age <3 <3 <3 <3

Allegedly, the relationship Clint is in with his baby mama I’m assuming in Freaky Tales has a 15 year age gap. Guys…we won…we won so fucking bad…AGE GAP GIRLIES WE FUCKING MADE IT! WE WON THE WAR!