#[ andromeda | you deserve every happiness. ]

[alphrdblck]

Her husband was still skeptical of him. Alphard couldn’t fault him much for that; it wasn’t as if their family had ever given Ted a warm welcome. It wasn’t a surprise when he opened the door, regarded Alphard as a wary alliance, and then made himself scarce. Alphard knew he was lurking somewhere nearby, no doubt prepared as always to step in if he threatened his niece. It didn’t bother him. Alphard understood. That Andromeda had found someone to love her was all that mattered, and he knew how strange it was for him to show up unannounced. He kept a comfortable distance from their family since before Bellatrix had been born, to say nothing of the rest; stepping in to help Sirius and the gifts sent to Andromeda for herself and her child had been the most he had risked. Safer for the children for him to stay away; Walburga and Cygnus were unhinged enough. But he had gone. It wasn’t simply a war anymore, no somehow that had ended, and things were more confusing and dizzying than Alphard could ever remember. And so, he had gone to check in on his niece. Her family. The home he always knew the location of, kept hidden away from anyone who might try and get it out of him. “Andromeda,” Alphard smiled softly, the same look he always had for this niece in particular in his eyes as he rose from her couch when she walked in. “I should have written beforehand. I apologize for just dropping in, it’s - well, I’m a sentimental fool who missed his niece. Forgive me, please.” 

@ndrmdtnks​

[bluebeary-jay]

Hold me close and hold me fast

Hi, my darling @always-andromeda!! I'm your secret santa from the space sisters server �� I hope you're having a fantastic day and will enjoy what I wrote for you 💕 I tried to mix fluff and angst into your Joel prompt and it was tricker than I thought it'd be but hopefully I did it justice 😌 I wish you all that's best and happy holidays!!

Summary: It's been a long time since Joel was in any relationship and because of that he has absolutely no clue how to react to your affections. It culminates into an angsty conversation which he wanted to avoid at all costs.

Tags: tooth-rotting fluff, fluff and angst, soft and shy Joel, hurt/comfort, established relationship 💕

Word count: 3.3K

A/N: dividers by @saradika, beta read by @reddedmiller ❤️

Twenty years ago, when the apocalypse started and Joel Miller lost his only daughter, he was certain that he’d never feel happy again. Time didn’t heal his wounds – he still thought like that when he was fighting for survival with Tommy, then when he was doing side jobs with Tess in the QZ… It was never going to get better.

But somehow, as he looked up at the massive tree he just helped the others set up in the middle of the square in Jackson, he realized that it could. It did. Now Joel had a home here. He had his brother back, he had Ellie whom he cared for like his own kid and he had a community that welcomed him into Jackson, people who didn’t know about the horrible things he’d done and therefore didn’t hate him.

“Hi, handsome,” he heard from behind his back and turned around to the most beautiful face in the world – the main source of his newfound happiness. You. His girl. “Are you done with work?”

He nodded with a small smile gracing his lips. You were the newest addition to Joel’s life, but the most precious one in his eyes. Unlike everyone else in Jackson (excluding his brother), you knew all about the sins he’s committed. And yet, you still chose him. Every day you continued to choose him, to envelop him with the warmth of your love which Joel wasn’t sure he deserved.

He’d never tell you, though. Not as long as you kept him in your heart.

“Yeah, no, we’re done. M’pretty sure my back will blow if I have to pick up or carry one more damn thing.”

Right at that moment Tommy walked by with another box full of tree ornaments in his arms, and huffed a laugh when he heard his brother complaining.

“Jesus, Joel, you really are gettin’ old.” He put down the heavy box on the snow and sighed, propping his hands on his hips and nodding at you. “You sure you’ll be able to put up with this grump?”

“Positive.” You climbed onto your tip-toes to press a kiss to Joel’s cheek, and he felt his skin growing hot under your lips. He turned his head to hide the embarrassment evident on his face, missing the slight furrow of your brows, but not missing a hearty laugh his brother let out.

“Aww, is the big, scary man gettin’ all shy from a little kiss on the cheek?”

“Get lost, Tommy.”

Tommy chuckled and bent down to pick up the box again. “By the way, you two have any plans for today? We’re makin’ a screening of some Christmas movies for the kids, and after that the adults will head to the bar. You should come.”

“Well, if you want to?” you directed the careful question to Joel, but he shook his head just slightly, causing you to smile. “But we actually have other plans for tonight.”

That was true, and there was no way Joel would trade those precious hours spent in your company for having to sit – or worse, dance – in a loud room full of half-drunk people.

“Sounds like somethin’ I don’t wanna know about.”

“We’re just gonna bake some cookies for Ellie,” Joel murmured when you bumped his arm lightly with a giggle. The irritation at his brother lessened slightly when he heard the sound of your laughter. “But don’t tell ‘er.”

“My lips are sealed.” Tommy winked at Joel, then shifted his eyes to you. “Enjoy your evening, lovebirds.”

“That’s the plan.” You took Joel’s hand in both of yours, beaming up at him with excitement. “You’re ready?”

“Yeah.” He inconspicuously let go of your hands to brush the arm of your jacket lightly, and then nodded in the direction of his house. “C’mon, darlin’.”

He hoped he wasn’t coming off as too harsh as he hid his gloved hands in the pockets, intending to blame it on the cold in case you asked. But instead of saying anything, you just matched his step and slipped your hands around his arm. Joel went rigid when you leaned your head on his shoulder, the side of your body almost hugging his.

Joel loved you like no one before and until he met you, he hadn’t been this happy in years. But there was a problem, a major one, in your relationship that he didn’t at all know how to address.

Because Joel didn’t have any clue how to react to all your touches.

No matter if they were tender or needy, brief or lasting, he always felt out of his depth. It’s been so long since he actually wanted to be intimate with someone that when the chance arose… he was at loss. You were such an affectionate person and he loved that part of you, he cherished all touches and gestures you graced him with – craved them even – but…

He stole a glance at you, wondering if you could feel the stiffness of his body when you were so close, but it seemed that you were none the wiser. He tried to will his muscles to relax, but it didn’t work and he still felt an uncomfortable feeling crawling up his arm.

The problem wasn’t that he didn’t know what he was supposed to do as your partner, but ever since Sarah died, he hadn’t had an opportunity to show affection to someone. Everything he thought about seemed awkward and incongruous, but he really didn’t want you to think that he was an inexperienced old man who didn’t know how to please – and in your case, love – a woman.

He did. In theory.

So he tried his hardest to show you in other ways how much he cares about you. He brought you gifts, whether they were knickknacks scavenged during his patrols or wooden figurines he made for you. He did what he could to relieve you of your duties, helped around the house and out in the town. He found time during the day to spend with you or at least just talk in passing if you both were busy.

But that still wasn’t enough. He knew that wasn’t enough.

Every damn time you cuddled, every time you kissed him or did something as simple as lay your head on his shoulder, Joel never felt better. He never wanted those moments to end, but at the same time he just couldn’t reciprocate, and it was tearing him apart, because he could see how hurtful it was to you.

“You’re quiet.”

Joel snapped out of his thoughts and looked down at you, noting that you’re almost at his place. He breathed a little lighter when he realized that he managed to go all this way without the need of pulling his arm out of your grasp.

“Is everything alright?” you asked with concern in your beautiful eyes and squeezed his bicep slightly, causing Joel to clench his teeth. “Listen, if you’d prefer to go with Tommy, just tell me…”

“Hey, I’m okay, sweetheart,” he assured you quickly and even managed to smile as if the guilt of not being able to even kiss your forehead wasn’t eating him alive. “There’s no one else I’d rather be with right now.”

“Just right now?” you asked teasingly, and Joel couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped him.

“Listen here, you little tease…”

A bright smile returned to your face and you tugged his arm down so your lips could reach his stubbly cheek – and (only a little) reluctantly, he let you kiss him with a huff.

But the guilt of not telling you the true reason of his worries was still swirling in his stomach, making him feel sick for the rest of the way.

An hour and a half later the cookies were already done, and somehow the attempt to clean each other off the flour and the colorful frosting you used to decorate them ended up with you sitting in Joel’s lap, kissing him softly.

Not that he minded.

There was nothing as wonderful as the feeling of your lips on his skin, Joel was sure of it. It’s been an embarrassingly long time since he was with someone that made him feel like a young boy in love again, but your every gesture, every sound coming out of your mouth and every day he got to spend with you was just a confirmation of how lucky he was to have you.

Even now, as you were kissing him slowly and without any rush, he felt butterflies fluttering in his stomach. But while they initially appeared from the happiness and giddiness you were causing in him, the longer your hands wandered – and the longer his stayed uselessly at his sides – the worse and more stressed he felt.

“You know you can touch me, right?” you asked playfully at last, and the pit in Joel’s stomach grew almost tenfold in size. “It’s highly encouraged, actually.”

There was an actual question in your voice, which made him feel even worse. He should’ve known you’d address it eventually – after all, nothing went past you – but it still felt so awfully embarrassing to admit it to you. He was an old man, but felt like an inexperienced teenager who didn’t know how to make a woman feel good.

You moved to kiss him again when he didn’t answer, too lost in his own thoughts, but on instinct Joel pulled back – actually ducked – out of your reach. Immediately regret painted his face at the rejected look in your eyes, and he started to rake his mind in search for something he could do to fix it, but nothing came to him. He knew what you’d want from him – you’d forgive him if he took your face in his hands, kissed you with all his strength, let you know that you did nothing wrong… but it made him nervous just thinking about it, let alone do it.

“Sorry,” he quickly muttered. “I didn’t– didn’t mean to… I’m sorry.”

“Hey, look at me… What’s wrong?” You brushed some hair out of his forehead and Joel exhaled shakily, feeling weak in the knees at your touch. “Talk to me, baby. Did I do something?” Joel shook his head and you pressed your lips together. “Did something happen, then?”

“No.” He shook his head quickly, but he avoided your eyes. “No. Nothin’.”

“Joel…”

The room got too stuffy all of the sudden, the shirt on his back too tight and your body too heavy on his lap. Joel knew he was panicking over nothing, but he couldn’t help it. He didn’t want you to see him like this, so unsure and embarrassed over his own insecurity and behavior… So he gently removed you from his lap and stood up from the couch.

“Sorry, I gotta… I need some air. I’ll be right back, alrigh’?”

“Joel.”

No ‘baby’. No ‘handsome’. The tone of your voice made him stop dead in his tracks, and he turned around to meet your sad, solemn eyes.

“Just tell me if you don’t want me anymore.”

Your voice, so small and weak, took him off-guard and for a couple of seconds Joel wasn’t sure if you really said that, or if it was just his imagination playing cruel tricks on him. He blinked several times, but you were still in front of him, sad and… oh, god, you were on the verge of tears.

“What?” He couldn’t help a curt, disbelieving chuckle that escaped him – which was a terrible reaction, he realized when you turned your head away from him. “I– I don’t understand.”

“You don’t ever want to touch me first.” You let out a shuddering breath and lifted your arm to wipe your eyes, and Joel realized with mortification that he fucking made you cry. “And when you do it’s only when I initiate it, but sometimes you just pull back and it… it makes me feel so unwanted. And I know I might come off as too clingy…”

“Hey, none of that.” Joel quickly made his way to you and sat back down, gazing at you with his brows furrowed in worry. Your face was tearstained already and you avoided looking at him, but didn’t pull back when he took your hand gently in his. “Darlin’...”

“Just tell me if it doesn’t work for you,” you breathed, your voice thick with tears which also welled up in your pretty eyes again. “I hate not knowing if I… if our relationship makes you happy.”

“Of course I’m happy, babygirl.” Joel lifted your hand as if to kiss it, but hesitated. He had half a mind to draw back, but you needed him now, and he needed to prove that he really loved you. So, tentatively, he pressed his inexperienced lips to your fingers, making you look up with suspicion dancing in your irises. “You make me the happiest I’ve ever felt.”

“You’re pretending.” The quiet accusation combined with you withdrawing your hand caused Joel’s heart to break and he opened his mouth to explain, but you didn’t give him a chance to. “I don’t want you to pretend now that I’m upset, I want– Joel, I need you to be honest and tell me if it isn’t working for you. You always move away when I try to hug you and during all this time we’ve been together I can count on one hand the number of times you kissed me first. I don’t…” you choked down a sob and a new wave of tears flew down your cheeks. “I don’t want to waste either of our time if that isn’t what you want. If I’m not what you want–”

“Sweetheart, you’re the only one I want,” Joel whispered with pain in his voice, moving so he could sit closer to you. “M’so very sorry that I wasn’t…” He searched for the right words, but everything felt flat on his tongue. “I’m sorry. For everythin’ I did that made you feel this way.”

“But why?” you asked pathetically, staring at him with defeat and sadness. “You never said anything and I wouldn’t try to touch you so much if you just told me you didn’t like it!”

“I do like it,” he cut you off with a firm tone, which caused you to stop abruptly. “I fuckin’– I love it when you touch me, darlin’. I’m dyin’ for you to keep doin’ it, but I…”

“You what?” you asked, softer this time, and Joel swallowed hard, nervous how you’ll react. But you had the right to know, so ultimately he pushed through his discomfort.

“I just don’t know what to do,” he finally settled on that. “I really, really love when you touch me, babygirl, no matter in what way.” He took another deep breath, bowing his head to look at his hands so that he didn’t have to face you. “But it’s been so long, damn decades, since I… since anyone touched me in the way you do. I never loved someone the way I love you. I’m very sorry, I just don’t know what I’m s’pposed to do… when someone…”

He trailed off, worried that he might break down and cry in front of you if he says another word, and he’d prefer to avoid it at all cost. The world outside was so harsh and cruel already, and you needed someone strong – a safe haven, a pillar you could lean on. He was that someone for everyone around him for the last twenty years, and even longer before the outbreak.

But it was so much different now. You made him feel safe and loved no matter what he could provide to you and it was almost scary how vulnerable he was becoming in your presence.

“...when someone cares for you?” you asked quietly. Joel nodded, and tears gathered in your eyes again, though now for a very different reason. “Oh, Joel…”

“M’sorry,” he whispered, his own vision also going misty. “I want to give you everythin’ you desire, darlin’. If you give me another chance, I promise I’ll try to…” He shook his head, defeated. “I don’t know. I’ll try to get past it.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry for.” You scooted just a little closer and put your hand on his knee lightly. He looked up with anguish swimming in his brown eyes, not believing that you were still here and not already out of the door. You worried your lip between your teeth for a couple of seconds before inhaling deeply. “How about… I show you what to do? We can go as slow as you want.”

Joel slowly shook his head, not understanding. “...show me what?”

“You said you don’t really know what to do, right? So how about I show you exactly how… you know.” You smiled almost shyly, but it only caused Joel’s heart to beat even faster. “Where to put your hands.”

Joel was nodding before you even finished speaking.

It was embarrassing, really, how excited he got at this idea, but just the thought of your hands guiding his, demonstrating where and how to touch you, had him feeling weak in the knees and hot under his clothes. You smiled, almost with relief, and moved even closer until your thighs were touching.

“Here, just relax. We can stop at any time, just say a word,” you said soothingly, placing his palms on your hips and sending him a small smile. Joel wondered if you could see how red his face surely was, feel how sweaty his palms got. “Is this okay?”

“S���better than okay,” he breathed in something akin to wonder. “It’s easier… Everythin’ seems easier with you.” His chest was tight when he looked up at you. “Thank you.”

It wasn’t a lie. You did make it seem effortless, and though Joel could still feel the rigidness of his muscles and tendons, the tension was slowly melting away, replaced by a tingling warmth on his skin.

You gave him a reassuring smile and his eyes flickered to your lips almost involuntary. You noticed it, of course – Joel didn’t think he was exactly subtle with his staring – and cupped his jaw in your hands. His arm, practically instinctively, encircled your waist and pulled you closer before he could stop himself, but you didn’t berate him – in fact, you seemed delighted by his action.

“Now, are you going to kiss me or not?” you whispered coyly, brushing his cheekbones with the pads of your thumbs. Joel chuckled at your attempt to put him more at ease, but it worked and he leaned in to press – very, very carefully – his lips to yours. He felt you smiling against them and his eyes filled with tears from the overwhelming relief.

“I love you so much,” he murmured with his mouth only millimeters from yours. “So much, babygirl.”

You hummed a quiet love you, too, and moved your lips up to softly kiss his eyelids, then temple, then cheeks and nose. Joel almost wanted to cry when you started running your fingers through his hair, massaging his scalp gently. It felt so good, your touch so nice and tender… He couldn’t remember when was the last time someone treated him with such care. Maybe never. “Next time it becomes too much, you tell me, got it? And I promise I’ll make you feel better.”

Your touch didn’t bother him now that he admitted what was weighing heavily on his chest for so long. Now, it felt soothing. Grounding.

So, so loving.

Joel held you closer, melting into your embrace, and claimed your lips in a soft – if not a bit shy – kiss.

There was nothing else he’d rather be doing tonight.

[emilys-bangs]

Awww congrats on 200 followers lovely!!! You deserve it, I always find myself rereading your works! So I went to the first section Andromeda, saw prompt #1 “Pull over. Let me drive for awhile.” and thought YES that’s an Emily prompt right there 🤣 I feel like Emily being able to immediately sense reader’s feelings would be super sweet. Like maybe it was rough case/day for reader, Emily steps up, and then starts rambling trying to distract reader so they’re both just laughing and even more in love by the end? Will also read whatever you want to write 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

Tysm lovely!!! It amazes me that you reread my fics, I'm so happy you like them🥹!! I changed a tiny bit of this at the end, hope you don't mind <3

Word count: 0.9k

Join my celebration here <3

You’re upset. It’s not hard to see—shoulders rising to your ears, your jaw set, the skin pulled tight over your knuckles as you grip the steering wheel. Add that to the lack of your usual easy chatter and Emily’s worried, absently picking at the loose skin around her nail as she tries not to make it too obvious she’s staring.

The case was hard on you. The two of you shared a room this time, so she was more in tune with you than she normally is. She heard the sounds of distress you let out in your sleep almost every night, the way you’d toss and turn on the bed for hours after. Emily didn’t say anything, held back her urge to talk to you about it, but she noticed the restless frustration building in you, the way you poured yourself into the case. 

It ended badly, and you’ve been quiet ever since.

She hadn’t argued when you grabbed the car keys, figuring you’d appreciate the small modicum of control, but it’s been almost half an hour and she’s grown uneasy from your still-tight grip on the wheel. Her eyes flick to your face just in time to see the tick in your clenched jaw.

Before Emily can think about it, the words are out of her mouth. “Pull over,” she says softly, breaking the stillness. “Let me drive for a while.”

You give no indication that you heard her; silence makes her words hang in the air, unanswered. Her worry increases when you don’t protest, simply pulling over and unbuckling your seatbelt. 

Emily gets out of the car and makes her way to the driver’s seat just as you’re getting out. She knows her gaze must be hot on your cheeks, but you don’t look at her. Instead, your gaze tips up, and she follows it.

The one road leading out of town is dark. Apart from the headlights of the car and a few spare street lamps, it’s swathed almost entirely in darkness, and the sky above you is lit up with stars.

“Pretty, aren’t they?” Emily murmurs, desperately trying to draw an answer from your lips.

You hum noncommittally and move past her to get back in the car.

Helplessness crawls up Emily’s throat and settles there like a hard lump. She swallows tightly and gets into the car, briefly unmoored at her reaction to your reaction, unsure why it is that she so desperately wants you to be okay.

The silence is back as she drives off. From the corner of her eye, she sees you rest your head on the window and cross your arms, turning away.

Emily is an expert on body language—she has to be—but this time, she can’t sit and watch you drift away from her, further into your mind.

“Did you recognize any constellations out there?” She blurts out, then winces at the stupid question. 

You’re slow to respond. 

“Think I saw…what was that famous one called? The hunter?”

Relief floods Emily’s veins. “Yeah, Orion.” She nods, turning to get a glimpse of you. Your head is still on the window, but your body is tilted toward hers. Her next breath comes a little easier. “It’s arguably the most recognizable constellation in the Milky Way. It lies on the celestial equator, so it’s visible from both the Northern and Southern Hemispheres.”

“Okay, Reid,” you retort, but the gentleness to your voice tells her you don’t mean any malice. Emily turns and finds a small quirk to your lips; she bites back a smile of her own.

“Yeah, I was a big geek about the stars,” she whispers. Still am. Emily clears her throat. “When I was younger, I used to spend summers in a cabin up in the Alps with my grandfather. He had these huge books about stars and constellations.” You’re quiet next to her, but she sees the way you perk up and shift closer. She never shares her past—or any aspect of her life, really—with anyone, but it’s you, and if it makes you feel even a little bit better, she’ll spell out her whole life’s story for you to hear. 

“The sky was so clear there, it’s insane. I used to draw constellations on the back of my hand and try to search for them in the sky; I spent hours looking up until Grandad called me back. And for each one I’d found, he’d tell me a story.” A wistful smile pulls at her lips. When Emily turns and finds you staring with your head cushioned on your arm, her smile widens.

“Do you want to hear the story of Orion?” She asks softly.

She hears the low whoosh of air as you breathe in, then nod once. “Yeah,” you give her a small smile and warmth spreads all over her body, “I do.”

You’re asleep by the end of it, exhaustion claiming your body, but somehow, at some point, your pinky linked with hers. Both your hands rest on the console now, and Emily looks away from the empty road ahead of her. Your lashes rest on your cheeks, the tense lines of your face relaxing in sleep, and she squeezes your pinky before turning back to the road, her heart somewhat lighter.

taglist: @suckerforcate

[smoooothoperator]

Beautiful Stranger

10: Ready Or Not

Driver! Lando Norris x OC (Lily Barton)

Summer love, strangers to friends to lovers, Greece and Greek mythology references

Words: 2.7k

warnings: Lily's pov, handritten and falshbacks in italics

Masterlist

Official playlist

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a/n: hello guys!! I'm warning you, the next chapter will be the last one of the story! (not including the epilogue, obviously). I hope all of you like this chapter even if for me seems boring, love you all❤️

Every type of feedback is very welcomed

She was broken.

The moment she heard the knocks on her front door she knew he was leaving. Leaving forever.

No matter how much pain he gave her, no matter if he lied to her. She fell in love with the person that shared those days with her. She should forgive him, right? Give him a second chance and let him explain.

But how? How can she do that? Why is it so hard to control her emotions? 

Logan, or Lando, whoever he is, lied to her. It's not funny when someone lies to you. But when that person knows everything about you, all your fears and deepest secrets, the trust is gone so quickly.

And that's what happened to her. She trusted him enough to let him sleep on her bed, to let him take showers in her bathroom, to have a bath with her. Enough trust to give herself to him.

And now she's standing in the middle of her apartment, with cushions and blankets on the floor, balls of paper ripped off of her sketchbook with portraits of him. 

"How could you?" she mumbled, looking at the first draw she ever made of him. Those eyes staring back at her, this time with a mocking gaze. "Why…"

She spent that day in her bedroom, under the blankets trying to find some comfort and emotional support. 

But the pictures on her phone weren't helping at all. All the memories coming back while watching them, those weren't helping at all.

"Oh my God!" she exclaimed excitedly, walking closer to one of the pillars of the ruins. "We are in Delfos!"

She was looking around, like a kid in a candy store, and he took pictures of her. He took pictures of her smile and how her eyes were bright while looking at all those ruins.

"I only see broken things" he joked, making her slap his arm softly.

"Just imagine it" she said, pointing around. "It just gives me shivers thinking about it"

"You are so cute" he chuckled, kissing her temple. "Come on, take a picture with me"

She sighed, locking her phone and leaving it on the other side of the bed. 

She took a deep breath, feeling how the wave of sobs started again. Her brain was punishing her for trusting someone like him, making her remember all the moments she had with him, all the moments she started to fall harder and harder for him.

Logan was a liar and she loved him. 

Lily tried to love before. To fall in love with her fiance, or even like him. That man was good with her, he didn't deserve to be left alone in that church, without a wife and with all their family laughing at him.

"Liliane, would you like to go out for dinner with me?" Adrian asked her, walking inside her apartment. "Come on, get ready"

"Adrian… I really don't want to go outside" she sighed l, closing her book and leaving it on the coffee table. 

"Then I'll make you something and we'll have dinner here" he nodded. "I saw you have a nice wine around, maybe I can make something and we can open it"

She took a deep breath, looking at the man. How can someone like him accept what his parents did? He's 26 years old and she's 23, how can someone accept something like that just to make their parents happy? What type of parents are them? 

"Alright" she nodded. "What are you going to make?"

"Well… I heard that you love Greece" he said. "And casually one of my coworkers' customer is the owner of one of the most famous Greek restaurants in London"

"The Andromeda?" she gasped. "No way, that's one of my favorite restaurants in London!"

"I know, that's why I asked if I could have the recipe of their most famous dish" he said, showing her the screen of his phone.

"That's… that's awesome, Adrian" she smiled softly, visibly touched by the gesture he had with her. 

"So yeah, continue reading whatever you were reading while I cook our dinner" he nodded.

Adrian was a handsome man, someone that has all the girls of the company behind him. But she wasn't jealous. She didn't see him that way, she couldn't see herself being in love with him even if she tried.

She blames the karma for everything that is happening to her. If only she tried to be how her parents wanted her to be, or accept her destiny and marry a man she couldn't love.. if she didn't abandon her family, none of this would be happening.

She was heartbroken, knowing that she was having an inner fight, wanting to get up from her bed and go talk with him or just ignore him until he leaves the next day.

The first half hour was easy. She only had to close her eyes and take deep breaths, ignore the noise of her surroundings and focus on her heartbeat. 

But again, memories with his face on it came back.

"Lily!" he giggled, getting out of the water of the sea and running towards her.

"Don't you dare! No! Logan!" she exclaimed, knowing that he was going to hug her with his body wet from the water. "Stop it!"

"Come on, let's cool down a little" he chuckled. "You are too hot. And I'm not saying it because you are hot and sexy. If I out an egg on your thigh I bet it would fry"

"You are exaggerating" she laughed, rolling her eyes.

"Come to the water with me, come on" he asked her, kissing her shoulder. "It's really nice"

"I was tanning, Logan" she sighed, sitting on the towel.

"And you can continue that later" he smiled. "Come on, are you the same Lily that the same day you had your ankle bandaged, needed to be in the water and fell to the floor of the bathroom? Or the one that literally dragged me out of my apartment to take you to the beach?"

"Oh, and you loved doing that" she smiled, pecking his lips. "Didn't you?"

"Of course I did" he chuckled. "And I loved every minute of that and what came next"

She felt tears again, making her close her eyes hard and gasp while opening them again and sit on the bed.

She heard that love comes with pain, but never imagined it could be that painful.

She doesn't know when she fell asleep, thinking it wasn't possible after what happened, but the knocks on the front door were the reason she woke up.

She heard him. His voice was sad, it didn't sound the same as the previous days. 

Lily wanted to open the door, to ask him to stay and never leave. But it was for the best, for both of them. She wanted to tell him so many things, ask him so many things… but her body wasn't helping at all, staying still on the door of her bedroom.

She saw the paper slipping through the door, making her breath get stuck in her throat and her heartbeat increase. She was battling her own body to walk towards the door, wanting to see him one last time. But her body wasn't cooperating.

Maybe she has to forget him. Maybe it's a sign her own body is sending her. Her brain and heart were having an argument, her angel and demon were fighting on her shoulders.

"Why would you want to go to him? He lied to you! He deserves your hate and your silence" her mind and demon groaned.

"You love him, Lily. And he just said he loves you. Everyone deserves a second chance" her heart and angel argued back.

"No" she frowned, looking at the paper. She wants to pick it up, to read it. Maybe it has the answers she's been searching for.

"He hurt you, Lily" her demon said. "Burn that thing. Rip it off. He doesn't deserve your pardon"

Her body was working. Her legs were taking her to the door, letting her grab the paper. It was like her body was being controlled by cords, she was a ragdoll.

"Please, Aphrodite" she mumbled.

She believes in love. She always wanted to find someone who loves her no matter what. Someone who would give her everything she needed and deserved. 

And he, Logan, gave her everything.

Ignoring the paper, she opened the door hoping to find him there, waiting for her.

But there was no one waiting. 

"Fuck" she mumbled, looking down and closing the door.

The paper remained untouched and ignored for days. All her answers were there, and still, she didn't want to read them. Every time she walked out of her apartment she stepped on that letter. 

"Kalimera, Lily" Nora smiled weakly at her. "How are you feeling?"

She looked at the woman in front of her, watching her sad smile directed to her. She knows what happened.

"Good" she lied. 

"Lily…"

"No, really. I'm good" she nodded. "I’m really good”

“How many times will you repeat that you are good? Are you doing that to convince yourself?” Nora sighed, placing her hand on her shoulder and squeezing it softly. “You don’t have to lie to me, kid”

“I just…” she sighed, feeling how her shoulders got heavier. “He lied to me, Nora… he made me fall in love and believe his lie from the start. You know me. You know that I don’t like lies…”

“Was it really a harmful lie?” the woman asked, grabbing the chair next to her and sitting on it. “You know why he did that?”

“It doesn’t matter. He lied” she mumbled.

“It does matter. He’s famous. You know how that life is, you know how it is being the daughter of someone that has an important name” she said. “You came here to escape, just like him”

“But that’s not a reason to lie! To tell me that he’s a person he’s clearly not”

“You are being selfish here, Liliane” Nora said, making her flinch when she heard her birth name. “You came to this town escaping from your life, making everyone believe that you are someone you are not. Tell me this, kid. Do you keep that ring you came with? Do you still have the money your parents gave you?”

“Nora…”

“No. This is my time to talk” the old woman interrupted her. “You came to Parga the same day of your wedding. You came to this town with things from your previous life and locked them in a wardrobe. You know you can’t hide from f¡your past forever, Liliane”

“Stop calling me that name…” she mumbled.

“It’s your name. Can’t you see? You came here and did the same thing he did! You changed your name and made everyone believe your lies” she frowned. “That guy loves you. That guy came here all days asking how to make your favorite dishes, which places he should take you. That guy called to check if there weren’t any paparazzi around because he didn’t wanted to expose you two because he knew that sooner or later someone would find him”

“I didn’t ask him to do any of that!”

“Exactly! He did that because he loved you! He loves you! Did you read the letter? Did you read the emails?”

“W-what emails?” she frowned.

“I gave him your email address”

“Nora!”

“Lily, please. I want you to be happy, he made you happy” Nora sighed holding her hands. “Just give him a chance”

Lily sighed, getting up and getting ready to work, trying to get distracted and not look at her phone.

If he sent her emails, why not send her a text? Oh, right… because they never exchanged their numbers.

Summer finished. And then autumn came. 

She read his letter a month later, having to grab it after receiving a package with his name on it. 

The moment she opened the box, his perfume invaded the apartment, knowing that he sprayed it on the clothes inside of it.

She sighed, grabbing the baby blue hoodie and hugging it. It definitely smells like him.

"Idiot" she whispered, breathing the scent of the material. 

A card caught her attention, making her sigh when she recognized his handwriting.

My amazing Lily,

I hope you like this hoodie. I read that the cold in Greece comes late, but I know that you like to wear hoodies no matter the weather outside. 

I hope next time we meet you wear this hoodie. 

I miss you.

I love you.

Yours,

Lando.

She sighed, tracing the handwriting with her fingertips. She remembers how he used to write on her notebooks, trying to copy the words she wrote in Greek.

She imagined how he looked while writing this letter, how he could be biting his lip, how he could shrug his nose.

The day she received the box, she read his letter and emails, making her wonder how he's doing, how is his life without her.

She wanted to answer, write to him and call him. But there was something stopping her. 

What was it? Fear? Maybe… Anger? No. 

Pain. The knife of betrayal was still buried on her chest and everytime she read about him, it slipped deeper and deeper. 

Maybe his life is better without her. Maybe she was only a summer fling for him. Maybe he doesn't need her anymore.

That's what she thought while opening her email app, not finding news about him. 

Maybe… maybe he forgot about her.

He went from writing all weeks to write only once a month. Even if he said that he loves her, she feels alone, not loved anymore.

Maybe she should write to him. Maybe she should ask why he doesn't write to her anymore. 

Maybe, maybe, maybe…

Maybe she deserves this, all the torture and the pain. Because Nora was right: she's a liar too.

What she considered her home was now a torture room, making all the memories of them come back to her. The town she loved was now the stage where ghosts of them danced in synchrony, making her remember that he's no longer with her.

Everytime she walked through that street she could remember the first time he saw him, making her feel goosebumps on the ankle she injured.

Everytime she went to that private beach she could remember all the times they nearly kissed, how he confessed that he was dying to kiss her, searching for orange shells and talking about nothing. Now she looks around trying to find those shells as a way of having him close to her again.

This place holds too many memories of him, of someone that is no longer hers.

Maybe she has to leave and find a new home, a new place, and start from zero. Be herself, Liliane Barton. 

She called him immature. But how wrong was she, when the immature here was herself, living on a lie she created even if she escaped from one. She never wanted to be what her parents asked her to be. She thought that she could be like those women from the tales her babysitter read to her when she was a kid. She thought she could be brave and strong, a fighter everyone could respect.

But to be fair, she's still being a little girl that wants to escape from the real world.

"Mature, you idiot" she groaned looking at herself in the mirror. 

She tried to find somewhere to go. Somewhere to settle down and act like the adult she is. A home, a job… whatever she needed.

"What if he comes back?" Nora asked her with a sad smile, grabbing the keys of the apartment. "What if he's searching you?"

"Will he?" she smiled weakly. "Do you really think he will come? I don't think so… he stopped writing, Nora. Even if I wrote to him once he never replied. I'm the past…"

"Oh, Lily…"

"Liliane" she corrected her. "I learned my lesson. No more lies"

"I'm proud of you, little girl" she smiled, hugging her. "But… I'm sure he will come"

"Then if he does that you know what to do" she whispered, hugging the woman that was like a mother to her one last time, pulling away and grabbing her suitcase.

When she came for the first time to that town, dressed with a summer dress and her hair styled as a bride, she was a scared girl.

But now, dressed with a red hoodie and the name of the eSports team of someone she still loves on it, she feels free.

This time she's free.

taglist

@lestappenloverr @racinggirl @roni-midnights @livster8 @kakorrhaphiphobia @starkeyellow @celestialpierre @ophcelia @msliz @lorarri @ironmaiden1313 @imsorare @mycenterfold @im-an-overthinker @soosheee @karmabyfernando @landoyesrizz @sticksdoesart @beatricemiruna @nonameishere @flwr-stella

[chlobliviate]

Wolfstar Microfics - Afterlife

Words: 968

@wolfstarmicrofic

🌙✨🌙✨🌙

It had been five years since Sirius went through the veil, and a lot had happened. Harry defeated Voldemort, Peter finally got what he deserved, and the wizarding world was mostly back to normal. Remus had been married, had a child and was a widower within a year. That period of his life was a blur, that came screaming back to reality every time he looked at his three-year-old.

Teddy was incredible. The best parts of him and Tonks combined into a hurricane of a kid. The most important things to Remus were that he was happy, healthy, and hadn’t inherited his lycanthropy. He was, however, showing signs of metamorphagus abilities. His hair cycled through colours when he slept, which had Remus in tears the first time he witnessed it.

Overall, they were happy. They lived in a little cottage near Hogsmeade, and two days a week, Andromeda would take Teddy and Remus would teach the NEWT students Defence Against the Dark Arts. Harry was teaching the younger students, and getting to see him regularly, and see him thriving as an adult, was more than he could ever have hoped for.

Yes, Remus would say that all things considered, things were pretty good.

Until he got an owl from Arthur Weasley asking him to meet him at the Ministry as soon as possible. He dropped Teddy off with Andy, apologising for the short notice, and flooed straight there. He’d been back for the trials of a lot of the remaining Death Eaters, and it still hurt every time he walked into the atrium, remembering the time he’d walked in there with Sirius, and walked out without him.

Arthur met him by the new fountain, mouth drawn in a thin line and his face pale.

“Arthur,” He pulled him into a one-armed hug, “What’s wrong? Are you alright?”

“Come with me.” Arthur headed for the lifts and Remus realised with an impending sense of doom, that they were heading down to The Department of Mysteries.

“What’s going on?” Remus asked as they travelled down. “Arthur?”

Arthur looked at him, “Something happened with the veil today and I— You’re going to need to see it for yourself.”

Remus’ heart was racing, incessantly pounding in his temples and jaw. What could have happened with the veil? Had it released Sirius’ body after all this time? If so, at least he could get a decent funeral with him and Harry there, he supposed morbidly.

As they got to the door, Arthur turned to him, “I’m here for you, Remus. This isn’t going to be easy, mate.”

Remus nodded as they entered the room, he spotted the veil, looking no different, fluttering softly in an imaginary breeze. Taunting him. There was a group of people huddled next to it, and as he got closer he saw what they were huddled around. Or who they were huddled around.

“Moony?” Sirius was half-sprawled on a chair, looking not a day older than the last time they’d been here. He leapt to his feet before quickly, almost involuntarily, sitting back down, clutching his head in one hand. Remus ran to him and sank to his knees. He felt like every ounce of air had been drained from his body.

“Sirius?” He said breathlessly, pushing back the hair that had fallen onto Sirius’ face. “It’s really you?”

Sirius grabbed his hand and clung to it. “It’s really you?” Remus nodded, “It’s been five years?” He nodded again, brushing a tear away with his free hand, “I’m so sorry.”

“What for?” Sirius’ hand cupped his jaw, his thumb brushing away another tear, then another.

“For leaving you again, after I promised not to.” The crowd around them had dissipated. Arthur’s doing, he was sure.

“What happened to you? How are you here?”

Sirius shrugged, “I tumbled back out and I was expecting you all to still be here. It felt like seconds. They said— It’s really been five years?”

“To the day.” Sirius looked devastated. He stood shakily and pulled Remus to his feet before wrapping his arms around him. As Remus sobbed into the crook of his neck, he rubbed circles into his back. “I thought you were dead. We all thought…”

“Sirius, we need to get you to St Mungo's to get you checked over,” Arthur said, from somewhere near the door. “You can chaperone, Remus.” Remus looked over at him, through watery eyes. Arthur was smiling at them. “I’ll send an owl to Harry once we get there.”

🌙✨🌙✨🌙

Getting Sirius caught up on the last five years was one of the hardest things that Remus had ever done, and coming from a bisexual werewolf with a lot of dead friends, that was saying something. He knew that he shouldn’t feel bad about his relationship with Tonks. It wasn’t like he and Sirius were together before, but Remus knew that if Sirius had been around, he never would have considered dating her, let alone the rest of it, and that was a hard realisation to come to. Sirius wasn’t particularly fazed by it, which confused Remus even more.

Speaking of ‘the rest of it’, Teddy was enamoured by Sirius, well, mostly by Padfoot, but he was definitely a fan of having Sirius around the house, too. Harry (and various Weasleys and Hermione) were frequent visitors and Remus finally felt like he had family again.

Six weeks after Sirius’ return, they’d put Teddy to bed and had collapsed on the sofa, a tangle of limbs. Remus had missed moments like this, where he could pretend that in another lifetime something might happen between them. But then Sirius’ soft lips were on his and his hand was in Sirius’ hair and however good things had been before, he was sure they had nothing on what was to come.

[mrsfrecklesmarauders]

"You are changing, Andy" Bellatrix spat. She wanted to sound angry but Andromeda heard the pain in her voice. "It's three in the morning, you have alcohol breath and your mascara is a mess..." she tutted "I don't see my sweet sister anymore"

As if Bellatrix hadn't done worse.

Andromeda didn't think she had changed. On the contrary, she couldn't be more herself. It felt like she had been sleep walking all her life. And now, she was finally alive. She felt young. She felt pretty. She felt invincible.

Andromeda couldn't understand how she didn't realize how wonderful life could be. It was all thanks to him.

Andromeda wasn't only in love with Ted Tonks. But she was in love with his world. She was in love with his friends, his band, their dream to get somewhere. She was in love with the way they dreamed big, even if they didn't have much money or opportunities. They still believed they would be the best band in the world.

Andromeda was in love with the way Ted loved his music like the most beautiful piece of art. And the way he loved his friends like they were his real family.

Ted had showed her all the beautiful things in life. Things that money could never buy: Love, Friendship, Youth, Happiness, Justice and Freedom. Andromeda had learned to live for the first time. She had never had this fun when she was a teenager. It was always Bella with her stories and adventures. It was always fake the way her circle pretended to have fun when all they cared about was to put the rest down to be on top. Now Andy was getting those lost years back.

Andromeda was addicted to the way Ted made her feel.

Of course Andromeda missed her family, her sisters, especially Bella. She just wished Bella would understand her love for Ted. But Bellatrix was difficult and very stubborn. She hated Ted. She just hated him without getting the chance to really know him.

"I'm happy that you found some... friends... that take you out clubbing. Finally innocent Andy is having fun...."

It was torture to lie to Bellatrix. Andromeda didn't make any Uni new friend. Ted and his friends didn't even go to Uni.

"But I miss you..."

And Bellatrix was not an idiot. Andromeda knew she knew about Ted. Andy could see it in her eyes. The way she was judging her. Andromeda was grateful she hadn't told their parents. But she was also scared of the reason behind it. Bella wasn't a compassionate person.

"You are the one who disappears into that office. Bella, you work all day. Are you really sure daddy is going to appreciate all the effort? You know they are giving everything to Sirius anyway"

Bellatrix clenched her teeth "It is my dream. I want everything to myself. That brat doesn't even deserve it"

"Oh Bella" Andromeda sighed.

It was daring how her sister wanted to defy every misogynistic man in the company to own it herself. Andromeda was reminded of the fierceful way in which Ted and their band fought what they believed in.

"I miss you too, Bella"

The only bad thing about this relationship with Ted was that it pushed her far and far away from her best friends: her sisters. If only her pretentious world could accept Ted.

"I am right here" Bella spat as she scooped closer "Are you?"

Andromeda didn't have time to answer because Bellatrix pushed her way forward.

But she spoke as she walked away into the hall.

"Just go to sleep or you'll have a terrible hangover on the morning, dear sister"

Andromeda was not an idiot and she knew her sister really well. It sounded like a threat.

[thebestofoneshots]

Star please! My pronouns are she/her and I am into guys, and am open to poly!marauders!

If you know star signs: I’m a Libra sun, Aries moon, sag rising, Libra mercury, Leo Venus, and libra mars

I’m an intp, 6’1, and I play volleyball. I love listening to music and have a record collection! I’m also a huge film buff :) I’m pretty shy but make friends very easily. People often tell me to speak up but my voice is just not super loud lol. I don’t always like to, but I’m getting better at standing up for myself. My love language varies person to person, but I love physical touch, quality time, and giving gifts.

Thank you so much and congrats on the milestone!! You deserve it all and so much more, you are such a good writer :)

If you want to participate in "TBOS' 400 Followers Celebration" too, you can look at this post for all the options of prompts you can choose from <3

I definitely ship you with Sirius and James. However, Sirius was the first one to notice you. It all started during Christmas when you received a package from your Muggle family. It contained yet another record for your collection – the Diamond Dogs deluxe edition by David Bowie. You were instantlly excited by it, and youre excitment could be percived by others.

Sirius, allthought unfamiliar with the album, instantly recognized Bowie on the cover so he approached you with a playful grin, “Hey sweets, you’re in my Transfiguration class, aren’t you?”

You nodded, “You’re Sirius Black.”

He smiled, glad that you recognized him too, and casually sat next to you, leaning his head on his hand as he looked at you. Initially, you found it a bit strange how comfortable he seemed around you, but his relaxed aura eventually put you at ease.

He shared how he had stayed at school during Christmas to help his friend with some tasks, and how he didn’t really want to go home because of his less-than-pleasant family. You told him about your Muggle family and how they believed it was best for you to stay at school to avoid the Death Eaters. You admitted missing your family and being happy to receive a letter from them.

When the conversation grew somber, he skillfully changed the topic and asked about your album. Excitedly, you shared details about your collection and music preferences. He told you about the cassettes he had received from his cousin Andromeda and promised to make you a mixtape someday. He enjoyed making them for his friends. Your bond only strengthened from that point, and Sirius developed a massive crush on you, growing every time he discovered something new about you. He thought you were absolutely magical, and that, without even thinking about the fact that you were quite literally a witch. 

One day, you were in Sirius' room listening to your records since you didn't want to disturb your roommates. James Potter entered, not noticing you both resting on the floor with your backs against the bed. Assuming he was alone, he started humming along to your favorite song. Just as you were about to speak up, Sirius covered your mouth,  a cheeky grin on his face. Soon, James started his own impromptu concert, singing at the top of his lungs. Eventually, he began dancing and spotted both of you, with Sirius' hand still covering your mouth.

"Padfoot!" He said reproachfully. 

You removed Sirius’ hand from your mouth and gave James an apologetic smile “Hey James!” you said quietly “That was great conert.” 

James turned beet red upon realizing you'd seen his performance "How long did you—"

"—The whole thing," Sirius teased.

James was so distressed at that point the only thing you could think to do to ease the tension was to smile at him and say “Wanna join us?” 

You weren’t sure you’d ever seen a shy James Potter in your life, but here he was, nodding quietly and walking to seat beside you. You were sitting in the middle, with the two boys at your side. And you three just grew closer from then, it was like the boys didn’t want to be away from you. 

While in the beginning you thought Sirius was clingy, he had nothing on James Potter. Whenever they were around you, they were close, in a very literal sense. They always had to be touching you somehow, either by brushing shoulder to shoulder, an arm draped over you, or leaning their heads on your shoulders in the Great Hall, especially Sirius, who always complained about having to wake up early for flying. Those touches slowly became something more: kisses on the cheek, holding your hand, a cheeky hand on your thigh, or backhugs. And while they did sometimes fight for your affection, neither of them seemed bothered by the other pulling you onto their lap or snuggling you closer to them.

One day, you were listening to music in the common room and there was no one else around since you had skipped a class to be there. You were leaning against James’ chest while Sirius had his head resting on your lap; he’d asked you to play with his hair. It was often that you cuddled with the two at the same time, and you loved it, but it also confused you. You somehow mustered up the courage to ask, “What are we?”

“We’re Gryffindors,” James replied at the same time that Sirius said something like “The stars of the show.”

You sighed at their answer and motioned for Sirius to sit up with a light pull on his shoulders. “I meant what are we…” you said, emphasizing the last bit by pointing at the three of you.

James and Sirius exchanged a look. They’d had this conversation before, neither of them willing to give you up, so they settled on sharing. They were both okay with it; in fact, they enjoyed cuddling each other too. “Whatever you want us to be, angel,” Sirius answered earnestly, grabbing one of your hands and intertwining your fingers together.

“If you want us to pull away, or one of us to step back away, we’ll respect your wish, but–” James started.

“–Neither of us wants that,” Sirius finished.

You looked at the two of them. “Neither… neither do I.”

BONUS:

The mixtape Sirius made for you: 1. "Space Oddity" by David Bowie 2. "Dream On" by Aerosmith 3. "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin 4. "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye 5. "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen 6. "Hotel California" by Eagles 7. "Imagine" by John Lennon 8. "Let's Stay Together" by Al Green 9. "Wonderful Tonight" by Eric Clapton 10. "You're My Best Friend" by Queen

A/N: Hope you like this lil thing I made for you sweets, it got out of hand, as always, but I kind of absolutely adore the result, our boys are so adorbale, it's almost impossible to handle ૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა

Sending you great vibes, Lilly xxx

MASTERLIST

[nvrcissasm]

An owl delivers a small package to Narcissa the morning of the wedding. Within she would find a letter and a small piece of blue jewellery. 

Cissa-

I’m not sure there is enough parchment in the world to say everything that I wish I could. If you choose not to read this, I understand. But I simply could not go today without reaching out in some way. Know that no matter what you may believe, I love you, and even from afar I am amazed by the woman you are. Today, and every day please know that I wish you all of the happiness in the world. You deserve all of it and more. The ornamentation you see in this envelope is something I wore on my own wedding day. Blue after all symbolizes love and luck, and I believe every bride should have it. I send it to you in hopes that you wear it tucked beneath your own dress. A reminder that you deserve all the love, and that while I am not there in person, I am always thinking of you. Congratulations on your wedding day, I wish you both nothing but the best. 

All My Love, Andromeda

[eluvisen]

twenty questions for fic writers

I was tagged by @commander-krios thank you! <3 If you'd like to do this, consider yourself tagged!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

43 works

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

838,649

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Fallout, KOTOR, Andromeda Six, Mass Effect and Dragon Age. I used to write for Elder Scrolls back in my FFNet days.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Marriage and Other Forms of War (Fallout 4)

One If By Land (Fallout 4)

Welcome Home (Fallout 4)

What Makes a Memory (Fallout 4)

Remnants of a Dream (Mass Effect: Andromeda)

I wasn’t expecting to see my ME:A fic make this list lol.

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try to respond to every one, but sometimes it takes a while to muster the energy to reply.

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don’t usually go for angsty endings but probably Almost So Perfect. After some emotional hurt/comfort Bastila kisses Carth and then freaks out and immediately cuts things off.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

My personal rule is that I can torment my characters as much as I want as long as they get a happy ending, so most of my fics have happy endings, but the fic I think of first is What Makes a Memory. The difference between the first and last chapters is like night and day. Kaelyn begins the story wanting to forget it all because her grief overshadows everything, but by the end she’s ready to live in the present again. I’m still proud of that one.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Thankfully, no. Although I did turn off comment notifications on FFNet because commenters on my FO4 fics wouldn’t stop trying to outsmart me and play gotcha.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I used to, mainly M/F.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Crossovers aren’t my jam so I don’t write them.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

As far as I’m aware, no. 

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nobody’s asked me if they could translate a fic, so I’m assuming no.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have. As a teen, a cousin and I cowrote some stuff. More recently, a friend and I were working on a Fallout fic with our Sole Survivors, but we both burnt out before it was finished.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

If I had to pick one (and I don’t like choosing lol) I’d have to go with Revanasi since it's my oldest ship.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

The aforementioned Fallout collaboration would be nice to finish, but we’re both in different fandoms now so the inspiration isn’t there.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Characterisation, emotions, dialogue and description.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Combat, action and plot.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I’ve used things like Mando’a and I made up some Catharese words for one fic since it doesn’t have its own conlang. My personal rule is that the meaning of words in another language should be clear based on context. A translation guide in the author’s notes is okay, but when I'm reading I know I won’t constantly scroll up and down to the translations because I'll lose my place in the chapter. So I won’t do that to my readers, either.

That said, I’ve seen workskins for AO3 that allow users to hover or tap on text and see a translation. If I were going to include other languages more often in a fic, I’d probably use that to make it easier on readers.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

KOTOR

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

Probably Marriage and Other Forms of War. That fic remains the longest I’ve ever written, clocking in at 233k words, and I gave Kaelyn and Nate the ending they deserved.

That said, I have an Andromeda Six fic in the works that might take the cake once it’s finished…

[theboywithburninghands]

The Mood of Humanz

And here’s the other Gorillaz album I’ve listened to the most. Same deal as the last one, just sort of felt like… talking about how each song makes me feel. Uh I didn’t include the interludes, since they’re just interludes. I also didn’t include any of the Super Deluxe tracks since I’ve only heard most of those once (except Garage Palace which is awesome) and wouldn’t have a ton to say. Read it or don’t, it’s fine with me.

1: Ascension: The beginning of a climactic party or protest concert. Here to hype you the hell up and make you excited and angry and happy.

2: Strobelite: You walked into a party that’s somehow chill and absolutely bumping at the same time. People are friendly and non-judgmental and the dance floor is open and there’s plenty to eat and drink.

3: Saturnz Barz: Feels like a cool, space themed retro video game that was made by someone from a different country that had an incredibly hard life. You don’t know what they’ve gone through from your place of privilege but you respect the hell out of them and what they’ve managed to do.

4: Momentz: Feels like you met a guy who’s way cooler than you to dance and hang around with at a party. He tells you about a one night stand with a girl, but by the end of the night you feel like he’s actually pretty sad and lonely.

5: Submission: This is a weird one, bear with me. This one feels like you’re in a poly relationship with a girl and a guy. You’re constantly depressed out of nowhere. Your girlfriend is sweet and patient and constantly there to support you, and she’s getting worried about your mental health. The guy doesn’t input much, maybe because he’s busy or he has his own demons, until one night when he just snaps and rants at you about how he can’t come to your pity party every day and you need to do something to help yourself. They’re both helpful and unhelpful in their own way.

6: Charger: This one is another tricky one. I think a YouTube comment I found about it sounding like a scene where a supervillain gets their powers describes it better than I ever could. It definitely sounds dark and menacing, but in, like, an awesome way.

7: Andromeda: Not a whole lot to say about this one. Feels like a big dance around a huge neon planet, maybe with some stars on the ceiling. Definitely a sort of “big finale” feeling to a party, or like the biggest budget dance event.

8: Busted and Blue: This one is easy. A bad depressive episode. Like, lay on your floor and stare at the ceiling while wishing you weren’t born, depressed. Feeling like a waste of skin, an irredeemable piece of scum depressed. Your loved ones secretly hate you and have hated you for years, depressed.

9: Carnival: Feels like a scary and kind of intentionally grotesque theme park. There’s stuff to do and games to play, but the guests around you seem nervous and the entertainers are way too into their job, or keep mumbling about how the system is manipulating you.

10: Let Me Out: Things are bad and they’ve gotten worse. They need to change or there won’t be a future for anyone. Some people are screwed just because they’re not part of the ruling race. It ain’t getting better, but you shouldn’t give up.

11: Sex Murder Party: Feels like the middle of a party (duh) but you spot a really ugly argument going on between a couple. One of them is sky high and acting reckless and the other is sitting in the corner, seething. They might do something crazy. You should probably go somewhere else.

12: She’s My Collar: A snapshot of a really sexually satisfying but unhealthy relationship. It’s not good for you, but it’s what you need right now, so you keep your mouth shut and enjoy it.

13: Hallelujah Money: A rich person you really don’t like is on tv somewhere in public, so you can’t turn the tv off. They’re bragging about another accomplishment they don’t deserve, and you have to listen to them. This song is kind of like peeling back the mask and showing exactly what kind of greed and arrogance this person is vomiting out without the veneer of kindness.

14: We Got The Power: A pretty simple motivational song. Feels sort of artificial, which may or may not be the point.

15: The Apprentice: Kind of like watching someone you used to like become cruel and incredibly pompous when they’re offered a fat paycheck. Reminds me of trash streamers.

16: Halfway to The Halfway House: Feels like a splitting headache that suddenly hits you in the middle of a party, so you have to lay down somewhere and ride it out while you watch people around you have fun and get wasted.

17: Out of Body: You’re not really fitting in at the party, until you find a girl that persuades you to try something different and kinda crazy. Drugs? A real satanic ritual? She’s nice and talks you through it but why are her eyes glowing? You have an incredible time, but she disappears after everything is over.

18: Ticker Tape: Getting home from a party and relaxing by yourself. You don’t feel amazing, but you’re content at least. It’s getting cold so you can see your breath on the way home. Peaceful.

19: Circle of Friendz: Throwing empty beer bottles at a brick wall while you and your friends sit around and do nothing. You guys have been friends for ages and can spend time together and get nothing interesting done and still be satisfying. It’s a waste of time, but a pleasant one.

[x-ceirios-x]

City of Fallen Angels, Chapter 12: Sanctuary

please see the masterlist for notes about this series/collection of works

-

“What do you think Camille wants to see Magnus for?” Simon asked. 

He and Jace were standing against the back wall of the Sanctuary, which was a massive room attached to the main body of the Institute through a narrow passageway. It wasn’t part of the Institute per se; it had been left deliberately unconsecrated in order that it might be used as a holding place for demons and vampires. Sanctuaries, Jace had informed Simon, had gone out of fashion somewhat since Projecting had been invented, but every once in a while they found a use for theirs. Apparently, this was one of those times. 

It was a big room, stone-bound and pillared, with an equally stone-bound entryway beyond a wide set of double doors; the entryway led to the corridor connecting the room to the Institute. Huge gouges in the stone floor indicated that whatever had been caged her over the years had been pretty nasty—and big. Simon couldn’t help wondering how many enormous rooms full of pillars he was going to have to spend time in. Camille was standing against one of the pillars, her arms behind her, guarded on either side by Shadowhunter warriors. Maryse was pacing back and forth, occasionally conferring with Kadir, and a young, blond woman he’d fought alongside in the battle against Valentine’s forces: Andromeda Herondale. If Maryse looked in charge, Andromeda commanded the room like her second in command. It was pretty impressive, actually. The three were clearly trying to sort out some kind of plan, with Andromeda occasionally saying something that would make Maryse pause and breathe. 

“I don’t know,” Jace said. “Maybe she wants fashion tips.”

“I think any man that wears leather pants unironically deserves to give some fashion advice once in a while,” a voice said from just beside him. Simon jumped. With all the extra noise in the room, he hadn’t noticed Rowan appear next to him. At first glance, they looked very Rowan-y, pale skin and dark hair, hanging in their face. At a second, though, he noticed how flushed they looked and how puffy their eyes were. In the last few weeks, the two weren’t able to see each other and did little more than text. Since they got back from Idris, actually, they seemed…distant. 

“Hey,” Simon said, a smile spreading slowly on his face. Things had been complicated recently, but seeing a familiar face was nice. “How’ve you been? I haven’t heard from you lately.”

“Phone goes both ways,” they muttered, though quickly corrected themselves. “Sorry. It’s been a long day. It’s not your fault.” Rowan, he noticed, inched closer to him, shoulders flat against the wall. “What’s the deal with Kadir and Andy?”

“Who?”

“The guy with Maryse,” Jace said. He didn’t seem to be interested in the conversation, but was happy enough to provide some extra context. “You probably met his brother, Malik. He died in the attack on Valentine’s ship. Kadir’s the second most important person in the Conclave, after my mom. She relies on him a lot.”

As Simon watched, Andy pulled Camille’s arms behind her back, so they circled the pillar, and chained them at her wrists. The vampire gave a little scream. 

“Blessed metal,” Rowan muttered. “It burns them.”

Them, Simon thought. You mean “you”. I’m just like her. I’m not different just because you know me. 

Camille was whimpering. Andy stood back, her face impassive and plain. Kadir turned to say something to Maryse; Simon caught the words “Magnus” and “fire-message”. 

“Magnus again,” said Simon. “But isn’t he traveling?”

“They’re old,” Rowan said, then quickly corrected, “Magnus and Camille, I mean. Makes sense they know each other. Maybe you should make friends,” they said sarcastically. It bugged him, just slightly, that eventually he would be one of the “old ones” that knew the other “old Downworlders”.

“Maryse wants information and wants it bad,” Jace spoke up. “She knows Camille wasn’t killing those Shadowhunters just for blood. There are easier ways to get blood.”

Simon thought fleetingly of Maureen, and felt sick. “Well,” he said. Aren’t you two a happy bunch, he wanted to say, but kept his mouth shut. “I guess that means Alec will be back. So that’s good, right?”

“Absolutely,” Rowan said, so lifelessly that he wasn’t sure if they were being sarcastic. 

It was quiet for a beat, when Jace kicked himself off the wall and walked a few feet away, beginning to pace similarly to Maryse. They might have found the real story behind his heritage, but she was certainly his mother. 

“What’s up with everybody being so down in the dumps lately?” he asked, speaking quietly. He was wracking his brain for something to make them laugh, but came up short. With everything that had been going on lately, he was struggling to remain the witty, charming best friend. “Every time I talk to anyone living here, you all look perpetually pissed off.”

Rowan shrugged. He searched their face for a hint of a smile with little luck. Since when did he care so much about if they were smiling? Then again, he cared if Clary was smiling too. He hadn’t been very good about checking in with her lately, either. “It’s been a long few weeks. Dad’s home.”

His eyes widened slightly. While he already knew that was a point of stress, the fact that it was the first thing they were willing to offer in explanation gave him two thoughts. One, that something much more serious was going on and that was all they were willing to share. Two, that they were really that mad at their dad. “Can I ask something dumb without you punching me?”

“Maybe.”

He sighed. “What did this guy do? I mean, Clary thinks he’s chill and everyone else seems to like him well enough.”

Based on the last he heard from Isabelle, he expected an explosion of anger from them, probably a few strong curse words dropped, Maryse calling them out for language, and another argument starting. But that wasn’t the case. Rowan hung their head and tugged at their hair, as he noticed they did when they were stressed recently. “It’s a long story.”

He looked at them strangely, choosing his words carefully. “I’ve only got eternity.” 

Through the curtain of wavy, black hair and around their hands, he swore he saw the smallest hint of a smile. Progress, he thought. “My mom died when I was eight. A few months before my birthday. And don’t—” they looked up at him, mouth tense— “give me the pity look, I hate that.” 

He gave them a very deadpan, pitiless look, that was over-exaggerated to hopefully console them. It didn’t seem to work, but it didn’t make them upset, either. 

They continued, “my dad…he couldn’t function. I never want to love someone so much that it would physically break me if they died, it was just…it was terrible. Jia and Patrick were stuck in Beijing, couldn’t come help, and it was three days of cereal and snacks until I figured out how to use the stove for dinner.”

Simon’s mouth fell open slightly. “Rowan, that’s terrible, I—”

“What did I say about pity?” they asked, voice suddenly flat and lifeless. “Just listen. Few weeks later, Dad tells us we’re going to visit an old friend of his in New York and stay for a couple days. Me and Jensen. He hauls our asses through a Portal and we meet the Lightwoods, that I think we met a few times before, but I never remember things right.” They took a deep breath and continued. “He said he was going to be back in a week or so, just that he had some things at home he needed to take care of. A month later, no dice. Then another month. Then he missed my birthday, then Jensen’s. Then the next and the next. He visited sometimes, but New York was home now and we were stuck, without family, without our only remaining parent, without anyone but each other. And Jensen was so attached to Max and Maryse both…I didn’t want to upset him because he was so young, so I kept to myself in the library. Hodge was the first person to encourage me to make friends with Alec, so I did.”

He was quiet. Out of everything, he wasn’t expecting this. He knew the pain of losing a parent young, but it sounded like they lost them both the day one died, and that wasn’t fair on anyone. He always wanted to support his mother, especially with her drinking and her efforts to quit, but he was angry, sometimes. Sometimes, he still was. 

“I was twelve when he decided to show back up. By then, I was best friends with Jace and Alec, Jensen had mentally considered Robert and Maryse his parents for years, and he had a best friend he never went anywhere without. No one…” they trailed off and took a deep, shaky breath. “No one would have even imagined separating those two. Max and Jensen. Dad talked to Maryse about beginning us back to Idris, but I overheard them, and I…I lost it. He couldn’t take my family away twice, y’know?”

Simon nodded solemnly. “What’d you do?”

“Ran away,” they said, a wry sort of smile spreading on their face, their eyes falling to look at the ring which they spun on their finger. “Jace found me an hour later. Got the lecture of a lifetime from Maryse, but Dad got the hint. Hasn’t tried it since.”

Simon turned slightly and looked at Jace, who was chatting with Andy in the corner. She looked very interested in whatever he was saying but he remained the same lifeless ghost of a figure he was these days. His attention turned back to Rowan, whose eyes looked incredibly blue, like a midnight sky in Manhattan where it was still lit up by the city lights. He didn’t get long to stare, as they held his eyes for a fraction of a second before turning back to fiddling with their ring. 

“What’s all this about yanking poor Magnus and Alec back from their vacation?” Isabelle demanded, storming into the Sanctuary. Simon, a little disappointed that he didn’t get to finish his conversation with Rowan, found her quickly. “They have opera tickets!”

Jace broke away from his conversation with Andy and stalked towards her silently, likely to explain. Isabelle stood with her hands on her hips, ignoring Simon completely. 

Rowan leaned in and muttered, “damage control. She’s gonna be pissed.”

Simon chuckled. “Does anyone actually care about an opera?”

“Oh, I find them fascinating,” they said nonchalantly. “I’d like to go to Italy and see Lucia di Lammermoor if it’s ever playing somewhere. It’s Romeo-and-Juliet-ish, but less suicide.”

He hummed in response, impressed that they knew so much about Italian opera. Then again, if you traded the shadowhunter gear for black jeans and threw a sweater on them, he could see them being one of those literary nerds at his school that was always in with the English teachers. Maybe they liked that stuff. 

“Fine,” Isabelle said when Jace was done. “But the whole thing’s ridiculous. She’s just stalling for time. What could she possibly have to say to Magnus?” She glanced back over her shoulder at Camille, who was now not just manacled but bound to the pillar with lengths of silvery gold chain. It crisscrossed her body across her torso, her knees, and even her ankles, holding her totally immobile. “Is that blessed metal?”

“It is,” said Andy, who’d joined the small group of them. “That was my idea, actually. Keeps her still, and quiet, by the Angel. But the manacles are lined to protect her wrists, but if she moves too much…” She made a sizzling sound. Simon remembered the way his hands had burned when he touched the Star of Davis in his cell in Idris, the way his skin had run with blood. He bit his tongue not to snap at her. They were all on the same team, after all. 

He didn’t have to speak up for himself. “Watch it, Herondale,” Rowan said, with a surprising amount of poison. 

Her eyes widened and she put up her hands in mock surrender. “Sorry, sorry. I forget we’re touchy about Downworlders now that the boyfriend’s around. Whose, may I ask, is he these days?” she pointed to Izzy, then Rowan, then back again, and ended at Jace just for kicks. That sickeningly sweet smile he once thought was kind of pretty spread on her face again, but she rolled her eyes and changed the topic quickly. “While you lot were off trapping vampires, I was uptown fighting off a Hydra demon.”

“That’s fun,” Rowan said, sounding less enthused than they did in their earlier conversation—he wondered if they were intentionally sounding deadpan. They picked at their nails and leaned against the wall, looking as uninterested as possible. 

She smirked. “With Clary.”

Jace, who had evinced only the barest interest in anything going on around him until now, jerked upright. “With Clary? You took her demon hunting with you? You didn’t tell me? Andy—”

“I didn’t take her with me anywhere. I found her.”

“Found her?”

“I’m not going to tell you all what I do in my free time, but she was in trouble, so I helped!”

Jace, clearly not in the mood for her dramatics, grabbed her by the wrist. “Is she all right? Is she hurt?”

Andy looked down at his hand, then back up at him. She looked bored; if he was hurting her, she clearly didn’t show it. “Yes,” she said flatly. “She’s bleeding to death upstairs, I’ve already called the Silent Brothers and began making funeral arrangements.” She shook his hand off and rolled her eyes. She seemed to do that a lot. “She’s in my room resting, dimwit. I know you’re in love and all that, but don’t—” 

But it was too late. Jace, who looked suddenly like a kicked puppy the moment she said the word funeral, was already off, half-sprinting into the Institute. 

“—wake her,” she finished with a sigh. “Well, there goes that.”

Maryse’s voice rang clear through the Sanctuary. “Alice, Andromeda, come here!” she said. 

Andy shrugged and smiled at the two before sauntering off. Rowan, with less enthusiasm and a certain disdain in their expression, followed suit. 

Andromeda Herondale reminded him of the mean girls in school who always thought they were better than everyone. The worst part was, she was better than everyone. Clary had told him, weeks ago, that she was training with Aric of all people and managed to win a few rounds against him, too. High praise, from what he knew, though his opinion of him was changing. 

He worried for Rowan, though. Having all that pent-up anger was clearly eating at them and he wished there was a way to pull them out of this depressed spiral they seemed to be in recently. Too much was happening—maybe, when all this stuff with Camille settled down, he’d invite them over for another movie night. The first few times they did that were fun, though what wasn’t fun was the teasing from his mother about having a ‘special friend’ in his room when they were just friends. He had enough romance problems to even consider that. 

Being left alone with Isabelle, he wasn’t sure what to do or say. They hadn't spoken since that night at his band’s gig when he’d hurt Maureen and Isabelle and Maia exploded on him. Did all the women in his life hate him? Maybe. He thought their conversation was going well until it came to an end and she abruptly walked away. One wrong move with her and he felt like she was a ticking timebomb. Not that he blamed her, he would probably be upset with him right now, too. 

He went after her into the Sanctuary, but she was moving fast. By the time the vestry door shut behind him, she was halfway across the room. He gave up and watched as she disappeared through the double doors into the Institute, knowing he couldn’t follow. 

Something flashing and silver caught his eye. Something reflective, he realized, as it was a light shining off something in a window. But the windows of the Institute couldn’t possibly be shining his eyes, so he stared, wondering what was lighting the ground in front of him. He walked outside, around the main doors to the Sanctuary, and got hit right in the eye with the light. Wincing, he put his hand up, and heard a meek, “sorry!”

When he looked up again, the light had disappeared, and he saw the silhouette of someone leaning out of one of the Institute windows. Upon further inspection, he realized it was Jensen Ashfair, his curly hair in a puff around his head, completely unkempt. He tossed something out of the window—a knotted loop of…rope, it looked like, but where the hell was this kid getting rope? 

A million questions ran through his mind as the twelve-year-old climbed expertly down the rope and jogged towards him, a book in his hand. The closer he got, the more he saw, and felt, the nervous energy radiating off of him. Was he going to get in trouble for being out this late? He didn’t want to have to argue with Maryse, she scared him. 

“Sorry,” he said again, voice in a low whisper. “I didn’t mean to get it in your eyes.”

He waved it off casually, pretending like the moonlight in his eyes didn’t give him a headache. “Why are we whispering?” he asked in a similar tone. 

“Uh,” Jensen said at a normal volume now. “I dunno, actually. As long as my dad doesn’t see me down here, I don’t care. I don’t wanna get involved with all the vampire shit, I just had a…” he began to trail off like he was realizing his question sounded ridiculous. Simon recognized the tone, as he’d lived it many times. “...a question for you.”

Simon, wide-eyed at his casual cursing, remembered himself at age twelve and thought it wasn’t so surprising anymore. He also thought about Rowan, which was probably where he learned new words. Twelve-year-olds are just kids wanting to be teenagers, right? he thought. Probably. “Lay it on me, kid. What’s up?”

Jensen gave him a look, one that looked mildly irritated, but he continued anyway. Don’t call the kid “kid”. Noted. “Clary gave these to my dad for me to, uh, read, a few weeks ago.” He pulled the book open and Simon recognized it as the first volume of one of his favorite manga series. “But I’m super confused. And I didn’t know who else to ask.”

Simon chuckled and nodded. “May I?” he asked. When he handed him the book, he flipped all the pages to the opposite side, so only a few were open on the back cover. “They’re backward from American books, see?” he said, pointing to the bit in the corner that said Chapter One. “You read it backwards too. Like this.” He gestured from panel to panel, showing him the correct order. 

He took the book back slowly, placed his finger in the pages as a temporary bookmark, and hit the book against his head a few times. He went to stop him after the third one, as it sounded like it hurt, but all that remained was a small red mark on his forehead. “Sorry. I’m an idiot, apparently.”

“Hey, it’s fine. We all gotta start somewhere, right?” he said, offering an encouraging smile. “And there’s usually a page on the front—well, our front—cover in case you forget. Alright?”

He nodded slowly and looked up at him; Simon could see his eyes were a little red, like Rowan’s had been. He wondered if something had happened between the two of them or if it was something separate. Either way, he wanted to make them both feel better. “I know it’s dumb, I just…I wanted to know. Clary said she was gonna teach me and Max…” 

The way his voice wavered broke his heart. No one really talked about Max, never with him, at least. Rowan was the first person to mention him in six weeks. He was the youngest in the Lightwood family and the two boys were thick as thieves, just like he and Clary were at that age. He couldn’t imagine the pain of losing her, even if they were growing apart a little these days. They still had each other’s backs when it mattered. 

Simon, very gently, took the book, and even gentler, hit it against his forehead. It was a soft enough touch that it barely made a noise, but the point came across well enough. Jensen broke into a small smile. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll teach you anything you want. And—” he let him have the book back and reached into his pocket for his phone. He gave it to Jensen with the contacts pulled up. “Put in your phone, or the Institute or whatever, and that way when you finish that one, I’ll take you to buy the next couple. It’s a good series.”

While typing, he said, “I think it would make sense if I read it beginning to end, huh?”

“Probably.” He chuckled and took his hand back gratefully. “I will teach you in the ways of the best shounen manga to exist, young padawan.”

Jensen looked at him strangely. “What’s a padawan?”

Simon’s eyes widened. “You shadowhunter kids have no fun, do you?” he asked incredulously. “I’ve got a movie series to show you, kid. You like space?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“You’re gonna love this.” He grinned, and he saw something light a little in Jensen’s eyes. He looked a little like Clary at that age, something that made him want to help the kid even more; protect him. “It’s past your bedtime, though. You should probably get back up there.”

He nodded, and with another quick ‘thank you’, climbed the rope the three floors into his bedroom and pulled the rope up. He waved from the window and Simon waved back, saying goodbye before he headed out for the evening. The Shadowhunters didn’t need him anymore, he’d done what was asked of him and then some. But he got to help someone who needed it, maybe in more ways than one. 

[keriweird]

2, 7, 12, and 20 for the fandom happiness meme, pleeease!

Forgive my rambling in advance, been a long day, but I wanna reply to these asks while the game is fresh.

—

2) a compelling argument for why your fave would love to top or bottom

"Or" you say? OR? AHAHAHA I think NOT! I think Miranda is verse. Just because she is used to being in charge, doesn't necessarily mean she wants to be every encounter. She had no real childhood that we know of, so she grew up fast and learned how to protect herself because she had to. Now, I'm not saying she needs a magic dick (or anything else) to come and fix/save her. She will take care of her own damn problems, but once she has built trust with someone, and they become important to her, I can see her letting them in and letting them walk alongside her through whatever she's going through. All that being said, once she has emotional intimacy and trust built with a partner, I can absolutely see her letting herself relax, lay back, and spoiled as much as she deserves. It wouldn't be every time, because she also *likes* things done her way, too. So, y'know, I think Miranda is pretty great.

—

7)What character did you begin to like not because of canon but because of how the fandom acts about them?

Kaidan - I started as a shakarian shipper on my first few play throughs, and didn't particularly gravitate towards Kaidan or dislike him. When I eventually joined a fandom discord server, seeing how passionate people were of Kaidan made me pause and do a character study through my next few play throughs. Something that I noticed, is that the people that really liked him tended to be steady, down to earth individuals, who valued his self reflection, sulf sufficiency, professionalism and Canadian dorkiness. As I grew older, and read more fics, I came to really appreciate the subtle and complex flavour of his traits. For someone with such a rough teenage experience, and heck, probably tricky childhood being othered re: biotics, he is incredibly resilient, relatable and admirable. There is something profound about his experience and disposition. Quiet and complex, passionate and stubborn, yet so accountable and open to bettering himself even if it means swallowing his pride. Yeah, I have definitely come to appreciate how well crafted he is.

12) the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

Shocking no one: Major Coats. Why? Have you *seen* the theatrical trailer?? The game version felt incomplete, chucked in last minute, under developed and so on. The trailer version gives me goosebumps. It drew me into imagining the horror of being on the ground when the reapers hit. And he offers so many fascinating avenues to explore because he was left a rather blank slate. N7, maybe one of the other candidates for first human Spectre? Maybe he didn't get recommended because there was something about his past or his methods that the brass found problematic. Or maybe he was just as good as Shepard but too valuable in his specialty to reassign. The possibilities are really endless and that makes him so useful for refreshing storylines.

20) part of canon you found interesting or compelling

Omnitool mini fabrication. The idea of having a 3D printer, like showcased in Andromeda? Could you imagine having that at your beck and call? All you need is omnigel/raw materials and schematics and you could print yourself a new ammunition block? Or repair a broken piece of armour in the field? Make tools, clothes, a dinner plate, *whatever*. Now I'm just imagining people 3D printing random shit for like D&D nights while deployed lol

[aletterinthenameofsanity]

From Eden

Eden was never a symbol of perfection

Aphrodite was never a symbol of love

Love to the Greeks meant madness, meant that someone had fallen too far

(I never loved you

I thought I did

You told me I did)

But love is not Cupid’s arrow forcing you to fall

It is not gravity, pulling inescapable force

A black hole, sucking away at what makes you who you are

Love is choice

It means something

To the Enlightenment thinkers, gravity was all-powerful

The gravity of love destroyed me

You are not a superhero, seeking to save the day-

If you want to be a hero,

I name you Hercules, killer of families

I name you Adam, the first misogynist

I name you Orpheus, obsessed and unable to not look back

I name you Jason, betrayer of wives

I name you Hamlet, mocker of weakness

I name you David, widower of lovers

I name you tragedy

You will not destroy me

I am not tragedy

I am more than the damsel to your savior,

more than prologue to your redemption,

more than aftermath to your tragedy

(I should not have to save you

I cannot save you

I do not want to save you)

I am Eve, Jocasta, Eurydice, Ophelia, Andromeda, Bathsheba

I am Lilith, Echidna, Medea, Angrboda, Nut, Nyx, Loki

(I am the mother of monsters)

I am every wife wronged

Every lover betrayed

Every boyfriend raped

Every partner abused

Do not name me damsel- you have no right

I will name myself monster

I will become monster

Eden will fall and I will rejoice

I will not get thee to a nunnery

I will sire monsters to rule in my place, rage to burn the system down

I will turn myself into a bullet, into a weapon

You were supposed to be Heaven

You devoured me and spat me out into Hell

You call this anger, an overreaction

They say that you do not deserve this

(I did not deserve your abuse, your poison

I did not deserve a bullet when I kissed you

I did not deserve betrayal when I loved you)

This was not an overreaction

If I’d stayed with you I would have died

Maybe not today, but tomorrow

I would have been Ophelia, exiting before Act V

I would have been Eurydice, stuck in Hades for eternity while you escape

I would have been Medea, my husband a traitor and my children dead

I would have been every virgin sacrificed to their partner’s “needs”

I would have been victim, damsel, leaving forgotten in order to give you your happy ending

This is my battle cry

(I have spent too long your victim

I cannot be your punching bag anymore

I cannot be your fanatic, your damsel, your cult of one)

(Tell me, darling, how this is love

It’s not

You can’t tell me otherwise)

Keep your Eden, your Aphrodite,

Your gravity, your cult, and your Palace

Keep your crown

(I loved you

You lost me-

Goodbye.)

[ageless-aislynn]

I didn’t get a chance to tell y’all last night, frens, but I did manage to finish my Mass Effect: Andromeda playthrough before Camp NaNo began! My first playthrough with Jaal took 120 hours because that Sara would be happy to help you, citizen, to get your cat out of the tree along with any and all other side quests, lol!

For Reyes 😍 I just backed the Jaal playthrough up to Kadara, gave Sara a makeover and romanced the heck out of that scoundrel, lol! So, don’t know how many hours that took. 🤷‍♀️

For Peebee, I didn’t go all of the way back to when we first met her but just grabbed another makeover, then jumped in right before the Zero-G scene 🥳 and finished the game from there in about 60 hours total.

Annnnnd now I’ve found a couple of shortcuts that let me go back to where we’d just landed on Eos (geez, I’d forgotten what a pain that was with all the radiation and no outpost or forward stations yet 😬), took yet another makeover, then played all the way through to the movie night scene and to where we’d defeated the Archon and settled Meridian... in 30 hours total. *fistpump*

Of course, to do that I ended up skipping all of the Architect fights, didn’t do the Turian pathfinder mission so Captain Dunn died because there was only the Salarian and Asari pathfinders and they couldn’t save her without a third, 😥 (I actually feel bad about that, that would be the only thing I’d change in the future in a “fast playthrough” is to make room for saving Cpt Dunn), I opened all of the vaults but didn’t put outposts on Kadara (left all of Reyes’ missions undone, only met with him once or twice so I wouldn’t be tempted by that handsome fella 😳😛) or Elaaden (didn’t even meet with Overlord Morda at all, oops 👀) and didn’t do Peebee or Liam’s loyalty missions because they had no outcome on the ending.

But, I did have plenty of time for my best Turian girl! 💖

Look at how cute we are! Tol and smol, FTW!

Spikey gf movie night sofa snuggles, d’aww...

Vetra is precious and needs to be protected at all costs! *fist thump* 🤗😉

And look at the emails she sent me! (For those who don’t know, Sid is her younger sister who we meet and help along the way. 😉)

But I really want to what sort of MONSTER would choose the second option in the scene where she’s taken you up to look at the view on Kadara. You’re laying there, looking up at the sky and she’s hesitantly confessed that you were kinda acting like maybe you liked her... as more than a friend?

WHO WOULD PICK “SORRY, JUST PLAYING”??? ZOMG, YOU’LL BREAK HER HEART, WHAT’S THE MATTER WITH YOUUUUUUUU???? You’ve had to flirt with her a bunch of times to get this dialogue, so it’s not like you accidentally romanced her. THEN YOU’D CUT HER DOWN LIKE THAT?

Eobard Thawne will cross over from the Flash multiverse just to SIDE-EYE THE HECK OUT OF YOU if you pick that option. Tell ‘em, Eo!

*gigglesnort* Anyway! I share because I care or, more accurately, I’m still just loving the game so much, I have to tell somebody or 🌈💖 rainbows and hearts 💖🌈 will come bursting out of my fangirl heart like, um, a super cute and decorative Alien chestburster? Wow, that analogy went REALLY wrong, sorry, lol! 🤷‍♀️😬😉

Next, I think I’ll do a full restart and play as Scott but my priority for this month is focusing on my Camp NaNo wordcount, so won’t be spending every free second gaming.

Notice I didn’t say I’d be giving up gaming for the month? Because, yeah, not gonna happen. I enjoy my Halo and Andromeda waaaaay too much for that! 😛

All righty, I’mma get back to writing now. If you read all of this, then just know I consider you a superstar and think you deserve a basket of cookies or other goodies of your choice!

Love you, frens! Take care and see you next time! 💖💖💖

[merlinsbudgiesmugglers]

Grief

Happy Christmas Eve! I was trying to write something festive today, but I ended up writing this instead.

And exploration into Andromeda's grief after the war.

Read on AO3

Two hundred and eighty-one.

Every morning she wakes up another day is added to the count in her head. Today it’s two hundred and eighty-one.

She wonders sometimes, how long will she count? Would she wake up one day and forget? Would days go by before she realised, waking each morning, blissfully unaware that she’d lost track? When she realised, would she get out a calendar and count back? Count the days she had been forced to live this life without him. Or would she continue on, content to no longer keep track of how many days she had had to live in this world without him.

She hadn’t thought anything could be harder than the day Kingsley Shacklebolt arrived at her door with that horrible look on his face. Nymphadora standing beside her, heavily pregnant and gripping her hand as their world fell apart.

But a harder day came.

It was Minerva McGonagall this time, the words ‘I’m sorry,’ were all she needed to say for Andromeda to know that this was the news she had been dreading ever since the night before when her daughter dashed out the door. Her beautiful daughter, the best parts of her and Ted, gone forever. Her heart might have been broken before, but now it was shattered.

‘Where is he?’ She’d asked when she finally found her voice. She wasn’t surprised he hadn’t come. Wasn’t surprised he hadn’t been able to face her, or his son.

It’s funny, which moments you remember so clearly. Minerva’s face at that moment was one of them. The sadness and the grief. The tears that appeared at the sharp cry of the little boy who would never know his parents.

The worst thing about grief is that the days just keep coming.

Endless days where all Teddy does is scream, days when he is sick, days when all she can do is hold him and stare at the walls.

No one visits, she has no one left.

Until there is a tentative knock on the door, a quiet request from a young man who looks as haunted as she feels.

She wants to say no, wants to scream and cry and blame him for everything she has lost. But Ted’s voice in her head tells her to let him in, let him be a part of his godson’s life. It’s what Dora wanted. When Andromeda had questioned Remus’ suggestion of godfather, a boy she had only met once when he crashed into her garden, Dora had held firm.

‘You don’t know him, Mum. He’s a good bloke.’

And, Ted’s voice whispers in her mind, who can understand better than him?

So she lets him in, four o’clock every Saturday afternoon. At first, the focus is on Teddy. Teaching the boy how to hold him, feed him and burp him. She could tell, on that first visit, that he’d never held a baby before, but it doesn’t take long before he grows confident.

And then he quietly mentions Dora, about the first time he’d met her and she tried to pack his trunk for him.

‘She always was hopeless at domestic spells.’ Andromeda says with a fond smile, and it hurts, but not as much, not when there is someone else to talk to.

She finds herself talking to Harry, telling him about Ted and how they met. About Dora and the mischief she’d gotten up to as a child. He listens, and sometimes he opens up about his own struggles. They talk about Sirius, her favourite cousin. Another in a long list of Blacks whose life had been cut tragically short.

A curse she passed to her own family.

With Harry comes others, mostly Weasleys. His girlfriend and the two other teenagers who had been to hell and back with him. They were all so young, too young to have gone through what they had.

But they’d survived.

They survived, when Dora hadn’t, despite her years of Auror training. It hadn’t been enough to keep her safe, to keep her here.

It’s hard not to resent them for that, not to resent them for the bright lives they have ahead of them. Lives like the one Dora was meant to have. But she lets them in anyway. For Teddy, because he deserves a family beyond her, and because it’s what Dora would have wanted.

Molly Weasley starts visiting too, one of the few people who has any kind of understanding of what Andromeda is going through. Not all of it, not entirely. She still has her husband, a vicious voice whispers at the back of Andromeda’s mind, and her other children.

But they are forever joined in the future they both had to face.

If you lose your husband, you’re a widow. If you lose your parents, you’re an orphan.

There’s no name for a parent who loses a child.

It’s something that you can only truly understand once you go through it.

So Andromeda lets Harry and the Weasleys fold her and Teddy into their family. It makes it a little bit easier, knowing that Teddy will have people like them to count on. He will never know blood relatives beyond her, but it doesn’t matter, because the Weasleys more than make up for it.

She learnt long ago that blood doesn’t mean anything.

The letter arrives on the anniversary of Ted’s death. Andromeda never finds out if that was on purpose or a terrible accident of fate.

She’d asked Harry to take Teddy the night before. He isn’t yet one year old, but he understands more than they know, and he doesn’t need to see this.

Tomorrow she’ll take him to lay flowers on the graves, she’ll tell him stories of his grandfather.

Tonight, she needs to be able to fall apart.

She spends the night going through every photo album she owns. Starting with the first picture of them together, a muggle snapshot taken by Ted’s mum on their wedding day. The pictures of Dora growing up, all mischief and cheeky smiles. All the way through to the last, a sneaky picture Dora had taken of the two of them asleep on the couch, Andromeda curled up against Ted’s chest the same way she had done for twenty-five years.

She cries and wails in a way she’s rarely done before. She screams against the unfairness of it all. He should have had the chance to meet his grandson. He should be here. Dora and Remus should be here.

She drinks a bottle and a half of wine and curls up on the couch, unable to face the bed she’d shared with him. She dreams of him, of the way he held her, his smile when he looked at her.

The tapping of an owl at the windows drags her from her dreams.

Her head is pounding and her mouth is fuzzy as she pulls herself off the couch.

The owl doesn’t leave straight away, instead waiting for her to open the envelope, watching her expectantly.

She only reads the first line before she burns it. Lighting it with her wand and relishing in the way it turns to ashes.

‘You can fuck right off.’ She snarls at the owl, who gives an offended hoot before flying back the way it came.

It’s far too late for any sisterly attempts at reconciliation.

Narcissa never writes again.

Time moves on.

The horrible thing about grief is that the days just keep coming. And one day she forgets to count. Teddy is walking now, babbling away just like his mother did. She’s not sure how many days go by before she realises. She’s forgotten what the last number was. She’s standing in the kitchen, trying to work it out, but Teddy needs breakfast and she promised him a trip to the park. There’s no time to go back and count again.

Andromeda’s days are filled with her grandson and the family that has adopted them both. She helps Molly with knitting jumpers for her ever-growing family. She finds the recipe for Ted’s favourite Christmas pudding and learns how to make it. She finds Dora’s old Auror training notebooks and gives them to Harry, who takes them and keeps them safe until he passes them on to her great-granddaughter. Another metamorphagus who wants to make the world safe.

Teddy grows up, and the grief of raising him without Ted and Dora, or without Remus, still knocks her over like the Knight Bus on occasion. That never stops. When Teddy does something that reminds her of one of them. His first and last days at Hogwarts. On his wedding day. When his first daughter is born and each child after that.

They should be here.

But time moves on. And for all the horrible things life has done to her, it gave her Teddy. It gave her a reason to keep going, no matter how much she might want to give up.

So she keeps going. For her grandson, for his parents, and for the only man she ever loved.

[mrsfrecklesmarauders]

Dear Cissy:

God, I know you are angry. I understand. I know everyone must hate me now. But I don't care. I don't care anymore. I hate them as well.

I never found a deep purpose to my life. Everything I lived, everything we lived was pointless. Expensive toys, fantasy worlds, prestigious school, parties, boys, clothes and makeup. I know now that I was never happy. Maybe the highs of my life had been you and Bella. But I detested the life we were encouraged to live. That was until I met him. Ted and only Ted gave me a purpose.

I discovered with Ted that our way of living was too extreme. We spent all the money in the world, while people like him had needs. That is unfair. I figured our family wouldn't miss a couple of pounds. That's why I took the decision of stealing money and giving it to him. To us. He promised me a different life, a different future. Maybe a more happy life in which people don't pretend and show what they truly are. Mummy and Daddy had been lying to us and pretending. They must've given us money and nice things but they never gave us love. Bella has been pretending as well. Everything had been about her. As if she is the center of this world. And I am sick of it. You are too innocent to realize any of this. That's why I am telling you now. Because I think is time you know. For you to take better decisions. You don't deserve that life. You don't deserve Lucius. You deserve better.

I am happier with Ted than I have ever been with the family and the fake friends we had. And I am glad Ted and I can enjoy the little fortune I prepared for us. Maybe our methods weren't the best. But we deserved that money more than them.

I have nothing against Rodolphus. And I have nothing against you. You two are too innocent to know when something is wrong. But I couldn't just stay. It wasn't worthy. It isn't worth to fight. None of it. Ted is way more important to me. And I know that by having him, I don't need anything else. And don't worry about me. Don't even worry about our family. They deserve what they got. They will get over me, like a bad headache. I am nothing to them. And I am sure if you leave, they wouldn't care as well.

If I had another chance in life, I would do everything the same way. I reckon I would do anything for Ted. He is my life. He is my everything.

I hope you have a happy life. I hope you find the happiness you deserve, Cissy. But don't come looking for me. I don't want more trouble. I want to forget everything about my past and my connection to that rotten family. But I will have you in my heart. And I will never forget you. I just don't want you anymore. You and Bella would remind me of all the bullshit I lived in that house. And I don't want that. Sorry. But remember I will always love you.

Lots of luck and love,

Andy.

Narcissa frowned and shook her head while she read the letter. Like she couldn't quite believe what she was reading. But she was believing every word. Because she was crying.

"What?... Why?..." Narcissa sobbed "Why does she hate us so much?"

"I believe it was that... Ted who filled her head with those ideas against us" Bellatrix said, stroking her sisters' head gently.

"Are mummy and daddy fake?"

"No" Bella said, calmly "You're not stupid, Cissy. You're eighteen now. An adult. What do you believe? You were there. You lived with us. Do you honestly think our family is fake? Did we make Andromeda so miserable?"

Narcissa's watery eyes flickered from side to side, thinking hardly.

"No. I don't think so"

Just the answer Bella wanted to hear.

"We were happy" Bella added "Yes, we are rich. But that's not our fault, Cissy... The Family works hard everyday to keep The Company alive. Do you think it is fair that Andromeda stole money from us to give it to him? A total stranger?"

Narcissa's gaze was lost somewhere. She looked tired of crying and thinking and being disappointed. Bella wanted her to feel the same rage she was feeling. They had to be in the same page.

"It was him who convinced her to give him the money..."

"That's our money" Cissy whispered.

Bella nodded.

"And she was only gonna marry Rod to steal more money from him" Bella explained, putting Narcissa's locks of hair back "But she regretted in the last minute... She tricked him. And Rod really fell for her. She broke his heart"

Cissy shook her head.

"It doesn't seem like her. It's Andy! She wouldn't hurt a fly"

Well, Andromeda had actually hurt Bellatrix in a way none had even made someone else suffer. She was worse than the devil, if you asked Bella.

"That appeared so" Bella explained "But that man changed her, made her steal our money for him. And she tricked us all".

Narcissa began crying harder. So Bella pulled her closer and held her tight.

"It's okay, Cissy. It is okay" Bella whispered.

"Andy!! Andy!!" Narcissa sobbed.

Bellatrix's knot on her throat got stronger. And she felt a single tear running through her cheek but she wiped her away quickly. Bellatrix lost the ability to cry when she made herself stronger.

"We are not... We're not seeing her again!" Narcissa sobbed harder.

"I know it hurts" Bella rubbed her back. It truly hurt "But you read that letter. She doesn't want to see us again"

Narcissa continued crying in her shoulder.

Bellatrix was hurt. But above all, Bellatrix was angry. So freaking angry. She was furious.

Andromeda had ran away the day of her supposed wedding with Rodolphus. But she didn't just leave Rod, she left everyone.

It was Bellatrix who didn't want to see Andromeda again. So she took the wise decision to burn the real letter Andromeda had left. The one where she spoke about how much she loved everyone. How it hurt her to leave them. How in love she had been with Tonks. And how she wished the family could accept him. She never stole money. She never tricked Rodolphus or anyone. And she wrote in the letter that she would like to fix things and see her sisters again. Andromeda was the stupid fucking angel she had always been.

But this way was better. Narcissa didn't deserve to know the truth. It was easier to hate Andromeda that accept the fact that she had simply preferred him. Bellatrix gave Andromeda the opportunity to make the right choice. She had shown Andromeda how different Tonks was from them. How he was a scum and only cared about her for her money. How she didn't deserve him. But Andromeda had chosen him anyway. She had chosen him before them, her family, people that cared about her. Bellatrix would never accept it. She had lost the war. And Ted Tonks had won. The price being Bellatrix's sister. Bellatrix hated that Andromeda had chosen him. Bellatrix hated him. And she hated her. So she was keeping Andromeda away from Cissy and her parents and everyone else. Bellatrix was doing the right thing.

Andromeda had made her choice. She had chosen Tonks? Fine. But that would bring consequences. If Andromeda had chosen him, then she would never see her family again. And Bellatrix was gonna make sure of that.