#[ an ultimate ability really is ULTIMATE ]
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showing off the commission i got from @ruporas for my fic, In the Next Life!
i'm still so incredibly excited about this. it's been some months since the story event that caused these scars, but i wanted SO BADLY to be able to see what they'd actually Look like... & Here They Are.
ruporas rendered the scars So Well, i just cant stop Looking at them... there's a Fresh & a Healed version, which ruporas was kind enough to give me without additional charge (Thank U Again😭😭) so i get to see what it looks like at different stages.
Lichtenberg Figures. in terms of actual scarring, lightning strikes that people survive don't tend to leave permanent scars, but the lichtenberg figures that they (usually temporarily) leave behind are just So Cool... Now, what happens when you get someone who can survive an amount of electricity/lightning that would be Frankly Lethal to any normal human person?
This :]
#speculation nation#trigun#vash the stampede#vash#in the next life#itnl shit#itnl art#there's a certain amount of Suspension Of Disbelief surrounding this whole injury#do i think it's necessarily realistic? not really. but the fun thing about fiction (especially for a nonhuman character like vash) is#I Do What I Want.#and so i DID shoot him with (what shouldve been) a lethal amount of lightning and it DID leave him with (what wouldve been) 4th degree burn#but his healing ability is fucking insane so it really only put him out of commission for a week or so#functionally. he's still dealing with pain from it though (not that he's gonna admit That to anyone) but yeah#im so in love with how ruporas drew the scars overlapping. he mentioned he did research for it and MAN it really paid off#and. man. vash really does look Chewed the Fuck Up huh#ultimately tho just one more scar for the collection! it just happens to be.. the most extensive single scar lol#but he'll be fiiine he's totally fiiine (pay no attention to the world-weary look in his eyes)(he's totally fine guys everything is Fine)#alternate caption for this commission piece: Chewing on him Chewing on him Chewing on him#god ruporas's art is so fuckin good. best money ive ever spent
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This fandom has a disturbing sense of entitlement when it comes to GRRM and his remaining two books. There’s this horrifying lack of empathy towards this man and it’s genuinely scary. People expect him to be like one of those elves from Harry Potter: he just has to turn his magic on and churn out brand new content, who gives a fuck what is going on in his life? Let me remind the audience that this is a guy in his 70s! Yes, he’s rich. But age and its complications bow to nothing. Not to mention that even if his age wasn’t a factor, he could still be dealing with a lot of mental distress that ANY human would? Do you know how deranged you have to be to say that he cannot be affected by losing a close friend? That he, and his writing, cannot be affected by the state of the world? This is a man whose core thesis statement in his work is, “I have a tender spot in my heart for cripples and bastards and broken things”. One of the core protagonists in this series has dedicated her entire arc to fighting institutional slavery. One another protagonist has spent five books unlearning bigotry and trying to reform institutions that operate on it. ASOIAF fictionalizes real world issues. And to get there, GRRM has to take note of it and then make commentary on it. Like do people listen to themselves??? What is wrong with this fandom dear god…
#I have been waiting for the winds of winter for ELEVEN YEARS!!! ELEVEN!!!#but I ultimately believe that germ doesn’t really owe me anything-I’ll get the book if I get it and if it’s within his abilities to give it#I’m sorry you might never get winds but to suggest that george needs to suck it up and give you content#is genuinely insane pls seek help#asoiaf
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Sometimes I wonder if Leo’s instant latching onto Señor Hueso is due to the fact that Hueso is an older adult man (specifically a father at that) who, while fed up with Leo a lot of the time, still deigns to give him a modicum of attention.
Considering Leo’s a Leo, he craves that attention from a father figure, even if said attention isn’t positive. As long as he’s acknowledged, that’s enough for him, since he’s already used to being his own biggest (and often only) fan as is.
Luckily, Hueso does come around and (reluctantly) forms a connection with Leo as well, but again, I have to wonder if Leo picked out Hueso for a reason.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt leo#rottmnt hueso#rottmnt headcanons#rise leo#rise hueso#there’s also Tim Dunkman#even Marcus Moncrief too#like how Donnie is easily influenced by words of praise from parent aged adults#I find that Leo is influenced by attention from father aged men#unless these men are Baron Draxum who Leo met as a villain first#side note but sometimes I think about how Leo never had a true heartfelt moment with Splinter that wasn’t in a group setting#sure he and Splinter have time together in Many Unhappy Returns but that does more to help Splinter see Leo’s abilities than Leo himself#with how dismissive Splinter is (especially to Leo in that episode) and with how much Leo as a Leo is an ultimate Daddy’s Boy…#well I can imagine how much he longs for that attention#again - even negative#poor kid’s got Daddy Issues galore#they all do really#this is partially why I don’t think Leo reacts much at all to the negative things said about him in Many Unhappy Returns#partially because he’s likely heard it before#and partially because well…even negative that’s still attention#that’s still time he gets to spend with his dad one on one#so it’s not shocking that Leo basically imprints on Hueso#keep in mind that we meet Hueso in the Maze of Death episode#so Hueso at least loosely knows of one of Leo’s lowest moments#and still hasn’t kicked him away soooo congrats boneman you have a lifelong nephew now
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he is indeed very proud of himself.
#ffxiv#sketch#concept#zenos yae galvus#adventurer zenos#arenvald lentinus#zenos but he ends up finding immense satisfaction in helping others attain their goals the more he starts paying attention to others#and a reason to actually focus on his own intense curiosity and penchant for research#AND using his ability as the ultimate hype man to inspire people#tmw something you say just to cope with your situation gets followed up on#>arenvald- while dealing with the absolute fuckton of hills and stairs in ala mhigo#>zenos- putting himself in heavy tataru debt just to kidnap cid and nero for some new experimental magitek inventions#tbh this spawned from just some of my own writing with atticus and his own prosthetics- and#the really cool exoskeletons ive seen for like- combat mech suits for arenvald#it also just makes me think of the terrifying concept that an aware zenos would always be listening- and always attentive#which tbh honest even with just fordola and yotsuyu back in and before StB feels like almost fae curse levels#those situations- but he's actually invested in their intended outcomes#grueling months of PT and perseverance in exchange for being able to surprise your best buddy with you being able to stand#and also walk short distances so he can actually show you around his hometown
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Ave. Avph. If you were a Pokémon gym leader what would your team and typing be!! Your nuzlocke Art driving me crazy!21!1!:3
so maybe i went a little overboard because i got excited. and maybe did a little play on caustic because that's silly. maybe.
also a post-game rematch team for good measure. BATON PASS ISN'T BANNED IN CORE GAMEPLAY BABY !!
#i think my mutuals should also make gym leader sonas and we should make a mutual league that would RULE#pokemon#trainersona#leadersona#gym leader oc#avepharts#THANK YOU SM TERM IM SHAKING YOU SO HARD also i know you know i love scolipede lmfao#none of these are like top five pokemon (though i love them all dearly) ive just been really into poison types lately.#other options would be electric or dark.#asks#anyway initially i was gonna put swords dance on toxicroak's main set but i realised that'd maybe be overkill on a 6th/7th gym#oh and i debated continuing the hidden ability thing for clodsire and skuntank but ultimately decided not to#AND I FORGOT TO ADD THE TM its poison jab as you can probably guess
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I really just want to write all the Pei Xiu + Three Tumors fics.............
The Three Tumors and their emotionally dead errand boy.
Shi Wudu helping Little Pei with Crimes.
Ling Wen recognizing the Pei Xiu really does not like to be the center of attention
Pei Ming being so unabashedly insufferably proud of his descendant and showing him off to everyone
Ling Wen and Shi Wudu also both trying to poach Little Pei for their own palaces before he ascends properly.
Not exactly giving up afterwards.
And just generally the Three Tumors, and especially Pei Ming, being some sort of support for him when they first meet him. He needs it.
#tgcf#pei xiu#ling wen#shi wudu#pei ming#tian guan ci fu#heaven official's blessing#random tgcf thoughts#i don't think px was in a good place mentally when pm appointed him#and that probably prevented his ascension for a time#three tumors can recognize the trauma and in their own way help him find a reason to keep going which allows him to ascend#by which i mean lw & pm give him a ton of work and distractions (pm deciding to do the same things he did when he ascended also miserable)#meanwhile swd directly or indirectly gives him the idea to save banyue and that's what ultimately works#also i want swd & pm annoyed with him for trying to hide his strength and not stand out while lw recognizes and sympathizes with him for it#i just really don't think anyone ever really recognized px's talents and abilities before pm
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funniest thing ive learned (and that's coming from someone who had debilitating perfectionist tendencies) is that making your own mistakes is actually thrilling and really fun because it really feels like gaining xp and leveling up but irl. like ah shit i see. well i'll know that's a soak marker next time kinda deal
#it's like. making your own mistakes and then examining where you went wrong and the mechanism of it is THE ultimate personalized lesson plan#a mistake is an opportunity to really understand for yourself the framework / laws of the art in question#if you get it right every time / from the very beginning then you learn Nothing#you just exist. like a fish in water. you don't really understand the rules and the reasons for anything#this is why i ended up being happy i (-gets sniped before finishing the sentence)#not to sound like an annoying therapist-adjacent but mistakes and the ability to make them for yourself really are a gift#also it does not have to be Painful like i think the thing i learned most is that you do not HAVE to extra-worry and harm yourself#and shame yourself after making a mistake because actual understanding comes with clarity of mind#and you can't make a sound judgement when your mind is clouded by horrible amounts of shame and guilt etc#in fact it is more likely to make you double down and dig your heels in and make the mistake So Much Worse#this is something i learned thanks to 1) being forsaken by god and 2) getting into candlemaking#extra relevant now that i'm getting into music again
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reached the end of the tears of the dragon questline. I knew it I had a feeling ever since my discovery yesterday I had a feeling and I am so so so sad and horrified but that was badass what a great idea A+ game you have such a good story opportunity here please please grab it
#totk spoilers#totk liveblog#loz liveblog#ok gonna try to be as vague as possible but like. dont read if you don't want spoilers. im serious#ok so the fact that i literally said ''i'm afraid they will reduce zelda to a sacred power''#and then ''OMG THE GAME REMEMBERS ZELDA IS A PERSON WHO HAS INTERESTS AND TRAITS AND ISN'T JUST HER ABILITIES''#and THEN. THIS HITS ME OVER THE HEAD. THE ULTIMATE TOOLIFICATION OF ONE ZELDA BOSPHORAMUS HYRULE. HOLY SHIT#i really hope that the point of the game is that it's bs that she is worth so much more than what she can do with her powers#bc the sidequests and botw all point to that#and if that is indeed the point of the game. oh my god. oh my GOD. I AM NEVER GONNA STOP THINKING ABOUT IT#the mad dash i did across akkala bc i didnt have any teleport points nearby........ good god#nintendo why didnt you make link's reaction stronger that was. insane. insane
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as much as i love the idea of fan kids in media with immortals in it[and i do find peoples fankid ocs generally fun], i don't think Integra would do that even adopted even whatever, at least not intentionally.
I gotta be real, I don't think she'd want to do that to Alucard unless there Really isn't another choice. One would assume he is bound to the bloodline/inheritance line and another heir is kind of just... extending the capacity of this to hurt him for at least another generation.
Unless the powers that be threaten to do something bigger than him otherwise, Integra, who seems to have intentionally picked the under-equipped for the position and non-related Penwood jr to get the organization after her death, her plan here is pretty clear. She wouldn't have a 'real' heir if she can help it because she wants Alucard free of the bond after her, she wants to be the last person with the capacity to take away his autonomy like that.
none of the characters in this show are good people exactly, but I do think she feels a kind of remorse for both her family's past likely uncountable abuse towards him, and personally for perhaps overstepping a boundary or two. because that just Will Happen if you have that kind of 100% control over someone.
Legit, that's why you rarely hear her specify something as an 'order' even when he obviously acts out, only in real key moments/after their back and forth they do for that. I genuinely do not think she likes to use the full extent of the power she has over him, just more so fill that role in his life so he feels... comfortable for a lack of a better word? There is fun powerful and there is 'this is something my father would do to you' and i reckon hard orders are a lot more of the latter
i don't think she'd trust an heir or a potential heir's heir to tell the difference.
partially because i don't know how much she trusts herself to.
#necrowriting#hellsing ultimate#integra hellsing#hellsing alucard#i love these two imaginary people being stuck in whats essentially a 24/7 dynamic without the consent of Either of them#just woe inherently unbalanced dynamic be upon ye with no way to opt out have fun daughter and captive monster#theyre doing best they could considering everything but you can only do so much under those kinds of circumstances#i dont think alucard is well enough to Want out#but i think integra has enough sense and care for him to want it for him#also i don't know if she'd care if her dear friend ended the world after there is no one to hold the reigns#not that she necessarily thinks that's what he'd really do. knows him too well#hc them closer to platonic/unalabeled myself but i feel like this would only go double if you Do outright ship them romantically#'i will not see this immortal better in my lifetime but i can make sure he isn't actively prevented from moving towards it' you feel?#unintended/this kid got thrown at us fankids would still work but i still feel like this aspect goes fully unacknowledged even there usuall#not enough child murder considered for my taste idk#that and frankly. some of yall overestimate integra's ability in parenting. i love her but that is a deadbeat dad
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I got.... my official adhd diagnosis....🥺🥺🥺🥺
Had my appointment where she went thru all the different parts of the testing and what they found by it. All sorts of things that I didn't even Realize what it was testing. And they pointed to combined type adhd!!!!!
There was also an iq test involved, specifically to test working memory in comparison to other categories, bc that's smth that adhd people tend to score low on. And I did too!!!! Compared to my other scores, at least. It was still average overall, but I scored "high average" on verbal comprehension and "superior" on perceptual reasoning and processing speed. WHICH MEANS!!!! Working memory was my low thing!!! Another thing pointing to it!!!!
Also the weird X test I took was the CPT-3 test and apparently it was geared Specifically towards adhd stuff. Which bc of my "atypically fast" reaction speed + "very elevated" commissions rate (which in this context means incorrectly hit space bar, aka I clicked when I wasn't supposed to) it showed a strong indication of impulsivity & some indication of inattentiveness and vigilance. That impulsivity is the big one here tho.
I'm just really excited now. I have a long report talking about all my brain stuffs that says I Do have adhd and that it would benefit me to take stimulants. AND!!!!! That I DONT have depression or anxiety!!!! That's a fuckin big one!!!!!! Bc they've avoided giving me stimulants in the past bc of the "anxiety" except I don't got it!!!! The examiner said exactly what I thought about it, which is that the prior disgnoses of depression and anxiety probably stemmed from effects of the untreated adhd. Aka I had Feels Bad Disorder. Ykno? Except not actually a disorder bc it was just a byproduct.
SO! Hopefully that can help me to get proper meds as soon as possible. Gonna be contacting my doctor to set up an appointment... soon!!!!!
#speculation nation#also i dont believe in iq being a good measure of overall intelligence bc there are many kinds of intelligence#.... that being said. it Does feel good to get a good score on it.#my overall iq according to this test is 122. which is pretty good!!93rd percentile. 'superior' as it states in the classification.#verbal comprehension had a 116 aka 'high average'. perceptual reasoning had 125 aka 'superior'#working memory had 108 aka 'average'. and processing speed had 120 aka 'superior'#ultimately it told me what i figured out during the assessment. that my visual based intelligence is high. but auditory is not.#since the working memory deals in short term memory. attention. concentration. and ability to manipulate attention heard.#which that all's why it's a good indicator of adhd when it's low. and it was Definitely my worst skill during the test.#she recommended that i come back in a year to get a followup exam. to see how well medication is helping me.#according to her there was a woman who went 11 years thinking she was functioning Wonderfully on her meds#only to find it was only helping One aspect of her adhd when she went in for re-evaluation.#so if i do go back. i wonder if she'd do the iq test again. and i wonder if id score better when on meds 🤔🤔🤔#i really. reaaaaaally want to get on meds so i can fix my brain. for the love of fucking god Please.#also the only diagnosis i got was for adhd. no mention of autism. which i dont know if she was even testing for it at all#i didnt mention it in the initial thing bc i didnt want to get it diagnosed. bc i dont think a diagnosis for that would help me.#so this is a good thing. especially the lack of depression or anxiety. it's exactly what i was thinking i had.#diagnosis... i got my diagnosis...!!! wahoo!!!!!!
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I hope The Spot gets to die as a himself like pre-powers. It’s likely he’s gonna destroy himself trying to destroy Spider-man (I think he’s gonna for the mythos of the hero not just Miles, if the flash forward is any prediction) cause he’s either not gonna be able to handle the full effects of his abilities it and needs to be saved but it’s too late for him or does some not fully redeeming sacrifice as he realizes he didn’t have to resort to villainy and doesn’t want to go out with people fearing him rather than respecting.
It’d make the point that anyone can be Spider-man under the mask string as it’d point out that depending on circumstances anyone could become anything. In this case none of them would know The Spot personally or even in passing as Johnathan Ohnn, so seeing a complete stranger, someone who could of been anyone, defeated at the end of the battle would invoke a lot with the random chance and fate that comes along with being Spider-man if not just going through life rather than the adherence to canon events that is trying to be pushed on characters.
I feel like giving the Spot his face back would just make the climax feel more complete, an odd commentary on being true to oneself even if it is past your time.
#cause like every other Spidey villain spiderman usually knew or came to know as Peter#Norman and the goblin harry and the hobgoblin#Felicia and black cat etc#Johnathan wants to be spider mans personal enemy but knows nothing about him if it was for his abilities#like he probably just thinks he is scared of the police captain dying cause he failed to save people or that he’s fond of law enforcement#cause I am certain if he knew Miles was spiderman The Spot would call him that#to fuck with him by knowing his identity#but i digress I think it would show that it really wasn’t personal#cause the spot hated what he became and lost and placed the blame on someone close to the incident but ultimately had nothing to do with it#yeah he blew it up but who was just fucming around with dark matter like wtf John#it’d be rad to have Johnanthan like see Miles face for the first time and be like ur just a kid wat did I almost due gaining some of the#humanity be lost back only to not being able to rectify it cause honestly I’d be horrified if I found out my enemy couldn’t even drive yet#LEGALLY#johnathan ohnn#the spot#miles morales#atsv#itsv#spiderverse#across the spiderverse#into the spiderverse#atsv spoilers
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perhaps one day i will post all my insane little thoughts about shou and ritsu and strength (and skill vs power). but not right now it’s been too long since i’ve rewatched the claw arcs or confession arc
#mp100#mp100 spoilers#(<- for safety)#but yeah basically it’s like. i’d argue that psychic strength has two main components: power and skill#where power is the amount of raw energy you can output at once/your energy store#and skill is your ability to use it precisely/creatively/well#like for instance. i see shou as not actually having much Power (maybe teru level output? but his energy storage ability makes up for it)#but being EXTREMELY skilled- maybe one of the most skilled espers in the whole show! (especially wrt his lateral thinking)#so when he said ‘im just as strong as the ultimate 5’ he was conflating power with skill#i do believe he was as skilled as the ultimate 5. but definitely not as strong.#(toichirou on the other hand has the same skills shou does but with OVERWHELMING amounts of power)#(i fully believe shou knew ways to counter every technique toichirou pulled out but was just. overwhelmed by the sheer Power of those moves#(like he wasn’t able to use his counters because of the overwhelming force)#(this is also why mob doesn’t need techniques- once you hit a certain level of power you don’t really need that much skill)#ritsu on the other hand i see as having a good amount of power (under serizawa level but not far) but with a lack of skill#(and an inconsistent output level)#wow i really just made the whole post in the tags anyways huh. lmaooo
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Omega!Gojo Satoru x Alpha!Reader
I believe we are fated to do the things we choose anyway*
gege akutami is the kind of mangaka who makes fun of almost all their characters. with utmost affection, gojo deserves to be bullied a bit. we love that he's a little heartless, a little frivolous, that he's powerful as a fact, that he cares a little bit strangely, so doing him a bit of justice, here's the mirror to Getou's youth story
tw: canon character death, spoilers for the manga, gojo's emotional constipation and egotism
Toji Zenin cut so many threads the day he arrived on the Tokyo school grounds, but the one between you and Satoru survived. It's already a miracle that Riko was the only one who died that day. The miracle of surviving should have been enough, but now you've lived long enough to find out how much you could love someone too. You get to see how afraid someone is of loving you. Gojo Satoru had one friend. Gojo Satoru had one mate. That was it, that was all he could let himself have.
Springtime Tokyo is still cold. Not as cold as up north in the mountains, but the winter uniforms are blessedly warm. An assistant manager drops you off at Tokyo Jujutsu Technical School on a milky March morning where you are met by Yaga-sensei, the first year teacher.
This teacher has some kind of idea about building community, which is why he's clustered the four of you first-years in the same building, around a loud blue-eyed boy who barely takes one look at you, squinting around a pair of blackout sunglasses, at your purposeful non-expression, before he is grinning, far too wide and it feels like he gets even louder, movements expansive to pull you into the range of an argument he's having with a tall slim boy with long hair tied at the back of his head.
Yaga-sensei just shakes his head and introduces you to Ieri Shoko, who is physically leaning away from the noise as if to escape some blast radius and has the most distant smile you've ever seen in your life on her face.
It's unsettling is what it is. The dark haired boy is just rolling his eyes at the one who had somehow both dismissed you and pulled you into his orbit. The automatic response is to try and get that attention back, but you have at least a little more self respect than that. You climb the stairs to take a room on the same floor to Shoko-san's and leave them to their snipping. You don't see Gojo fall silent for half a second before carrying on bickering, Yaga now stepping in to separate them.
School hasn't quite started yet. It's a boarding school so everyone is just around, getting the lay of the school, setting up their rooms, exploring Tokyo, running into one another and trying to figure out how their pieces fit together.
Satoru has already sorted you all into neat little piles of adjectives
Polite: the boy with the long dark hair, Getou Suguru, although this doesn't necessarily mean nice he notes gleefully. Self righteous and reactive, as in he can be baited into a no holds barred fight, which is new for him. He hasn't been able to fight someone who could hold their ground for more than a minute since he was thirteen. Subversively irreverent.
Morbid: the shortie with the short hair, Shoko Ieri. She discovered her abilities somewhere and even Satoru has to admit some of the diagrams she pulls up are admirably disgusting. Neutral. Satoru has never met someone else who sticks so close to their own whims before but she isn't like anything he expected, dismissive, meandering, goading. And she can't explain how she does what she does, which is aggravating because he can't do it.
And you, the new one. The last to arrive. Fresh meat. Quiet, wary.
You catch him not following you, but showing up near where you are a little too frequently to feel coincidental while you're making a point to meet the upperclassmen. He adds opportunistic and watchful to the list when he notices you do this, but some of the older students seem to find it vaguely endearing - the clan ones like a small animal they can toss treats, the recruited students who aren't trying to suck up to the clan kids with the cautious familiarity of greeting another outsider.
He tries tossing you a treat, granting you some offhanded attention in the common space of what is now the first years' block. Suguru laughs at him when you mostly look confused and apologetically tell him you've never seen either of the movies he wants to debate before refilling your water bottle and wandering back out onto the school grounds with your umbrella.
School starts regardless with some tentative unspoken agreement between the four of you to try and be friends, or at least classmates. There is after all, no one else to be friends with.
Class is boring, so Satoru watches his classmates. Where Shoko is passive and watchful and Satoru is staring into the air, you're openly attentive and Suguru more casually mirrors your attention. Which makes him want to call you another boring small-town bumpkin
Except you are in the same the advanced mechanics elective he is, and you and Shoko become animated discussing the curse anatomy lectures. Yaga takes you away to practice hand-to-hand with his dolls while he lets Satoru and Suguru pummel each other, which makes him think you must be too fragile to handle the two of them. Most people are, so he doesn't think much on it.
Satoru sometimes goes out alone to train when he can't sleep. He lashes out at the wooden dummies on the practice field, ducking under wooden arms and lashing out to see sections of it spin faster. On one of these nights, a week or two into the first year, he sees you standing outside the track, leaning on a railing, face buried in a thick scarf. He's aware of your vague attention, watching him without any particular interest, like how one might watch water sliding under a bridge, but when he sneaks a glance around the practice dummy, you're just as often more fixated on the sky. The moon is full and you're watching the clouds chase across the deep blue expanse, listening to Gojo Satoru's knuckles impacting on wood. And then at some point, he looks over and you're gone, your weird cursed energy signature fading in the dark.
Satoru only sees your technique the first time a substitute makes you spar with everyone else during training while Yaga is away. Apparently the teacher is someone you know because you get into the first argument he's ever seen before you send a spear flying so fast it hits the center of a target and topples it over.
The same teacher makes you fight Satoru, to already defeated attempts at appalled refusal. He'd usually help you push back just on principle, but he hasn't gotten to go on a mission with you yet and his sometimes oppressive curiosity has settled on whether you actually can keep up with him after all.
You can't, but this is Gojo Satoru at fifteen, not fully realized, and the first time he fights you he amends how he feels about "opportunistic". He flies right at your face and swears he makes contact, but you step back at the last minute and he feels an impending impact from his left that is almost the same strength as his own attack. He tries again and you twist out of the way much faster than he had expected. He tries to throw you and you end up descending slowly to the ground, trying to get the teacher to end the bout. Eventually Satoru overwhelms you and breaks your arm when you try to block too many hits in rapid succession. Shoko fixes it, and you wince with gritted teeth and tears in your eyes but don't cry or sob or glare at him with the kind of face that is calling him names you can't say out loud. The demonstration has him, fortunately or unfortunately, folding you into the energy of your little first year group like you'd been there all along.
He's a shaman clan kid, so it's interesting to see you now as not necessarily opportunistic but curious about the other sorcerers, about other people. What a novelty, to be inconsequentially curious. If he'd been too curious as a child he would be either lectured on responsibility or nearly drowned in related gifts meant to appease his moods
You don't appease his moods and the attention of him, one of the strongest sorcerer of the generation, doesn't appease you.
Satoru tries to bait you and things go right over your head. He tries to disrupt your silent, invisible schedule and you let him drag you away with minimal fussing, especially when Shoko or Suguru is involved, but will wander to the side on outings and either find some accidental trouble or something that makes him a little surprised at the intensity of your focus.
He forces you into a combat-determined wager that demands you stop using honorifics with his name and Suguru's name and Shoko's name (without asking the other two) and there's no way for you to get out of it or win so that forces some artificial closeness that becomes real. Language is very important for creating distance, for creating hierarchy and Satoru somehow isn't interested in a hierarchy between you.
He is however far more self conscious of his omega status than Suguru is. He won't say it, but it's a relief when none of you make a big deal out of it when you find out and also a surprising comfort when you and Shoko who don't have to suffer through the literal additional headache of heats try and make them comfortable
For Satoru this involves distracting him by playing video games with him, watching movies, or tossing balls of paper at him while he tries to stop it with his technique. Mostly he's with Suguru, especially if they sync up, but Satoru doesn't have the same heat symptoms as him. During first year even though he sleeps more than he does as an adult, it's typically less than the rest of you might want. Where Suguru gets tired, Satoru will get cranky and mean because he's bored and feverish and Suguru is too tired to entertain him. His family also was never very comforting during his heats so he knows what to do as far as nesting, but having people around is new for him.
He likes to call and text you if you're on missions during these times, which is typical given his clan's sensitivity to him being around alphas at these times.
So even when you're on campus, you and Shoko only spend a few hours with him at a time. Sometimes you play games and the heat makes him almost slow enough to beat on a DS link game. Sometimes he makes you do his homework. Sometimes he likes to throw throwing things at you to see how you use your technique to deal with it.
He adds "sentimental" to the list of adjectives when he realizes he can so easily pressure you in these times into revealing more of yourself to him than you usually do. He's bored and there's only so many things to talk about before you start telling him about an encounter with one of the rare cats that will tolerate living around the cursed energy of the campus, when you grimace and tell him about a terrible noodle stand in Yamanashi province that you still crave somehow, when you tell him about saving fallen leaves in a heavy dictionary you use for that purpose, or the one time you reveal that you've kept every pair of shoes your parents bought you to wear on the first day of school. You tell him these things and it makes him feel like maybe, someday, he might want to tell you things too.
It's not soft but there's a softness to it. A genuineness in the four of you together, in Satoru's and Suguru's growing strength and self surety. Satoru tries to make himself the center of the world, because it's fact that is where he has been all along. But he's not so easily the center of your world. You didn't come from his world.
Satoru doesn't fall. He doesn't think hard about why it becomes so. He barely thinks about it all. He just knows at some point that you're one of his. You're one of his and he wants you to pay him the attention he' accustomed to as center of the world (except he doesn't maybe. He'll be able to say it one day that what he loved was you treating him like he was as human as he could be)
He's terrible at acknowledging whether this possessiveness is anything in particular. After a sparring session, you watch Shoko patch a cut on Suguru's arm with so much longing and a pang of something worms its way in Satoru's chest. He crowds in next to Suguru before Shoko's done, draping over Suguru's shoulders. You don't see the way Satoru's eyes flicker from Shoko's steady hands to your wide-eyed gaze.
He's jealous the way a child is jealous of a favorite toy, hooking his arm around your neck if any omegas outside of school talk to you in the street. If you brush him off when he's trying to use you as a tool for self-affirmation, he sulks around until you acknowledge him in some other way and he will not admit to a single soul why it matters. When he's forced to go home for holidays like oban and returns in a terrible pique, you may fight with him if he lashes out in the worst, most personal ways. You push back and talk to instead of around him or through him and you also don't realize that is why he backs off.
He realizes slowly that he has to be careful with you. He forgets sometimes that you're more fragile that Suguru, that you need help Shoko doesn't need. On what you call the "worst school trip in existence" and Shoko calls "lucky we didn't all die" and Suguru smiles and calls "well we all made it out in the end", even Satoru got injured, yet he feels invincible, like he caught a bullet and threw it back.
When Toji nearly kills him and everyone he ever cared about, he awakens with the power to keep it from happening ever again. He thinks he can carry the world for all of you, for everyone, reveling in his power. He doesn't realize that his presence, the gravity well he made in the monster class's lives, doesn't exist the same way while he's not there because he has a tendency to think everything will be easy for him to fit back into when he returns, or not to think on the fact things could change at all.
Then Suguru leaves and the center of Satoru's world, his reference point, collapses
You're there in Shinjuku the day it happens. It's getting cold again. You're there to meet Shoko. Suguru has gone missing, Satoru is... away. Again. Still. He's been absent whenever he is around anyway. The jujutsu world doesn't have the resources to devote to hunting curse users in particular so the effort to find Suguru has been halfhearted at best and even if he's on your minds, you have jobs to do still.
You're there in Shinjuku and when you don't find the person you're looking for, you find someone else, It shouldn't happen, but it does. You run into Satoru, mind reeling at Suguru's betrayal. You nearly don't see him and he nearly doesn't see you except he sees everything and he's been walking around the district like a ghost.
He appears like a ghost too, tall and pale and ridiculous eyes. You'd tried to see if the world reflected in them once, but now it's more obvious to you than ever that it's just him, nothing more and nothing less.
"Let's go back," he says, and for the first time in months, you return to the college, side by side on the train, feeling like there should be more people in the near-empty car. You get as far as you can before you get to a station that's closed where you can no longer transfer and then you get out and walk in silence.
You walk like there's another person jostling for space between you. When you get to the school, Shoko meets you at the red tori gates. When you get to the mostly empty dormitory building, now a little emptier, Satoru looks at you. And looks and looks and looks. This time, he feels like you might disappear in the pre-dawn light casting your faces in blue.
Maybe it's because he's already lost one precious thing long before he noticed it was gone that he grips your shoulders tight, so tight you almost wince, but turn into it instead, tilting your head as though, were you less careful people, you might brush your cheek against his hand. Just for a little bit of comfort, for a little familiarity.
Then Shoko makes a noise at the top of the stairs, the scuff of her foot, the tap of her palm on the banister. What a terrible day it must be if Shoko is interfering. And you step away.
Satoru doesn't go to bed. For the first time in his life he feels like he doesn't know who he is. He watches your light come on and then go off. He doesn't see you stand at the mouth of the hall leading to Suguru's room with a blanket around your shoulders until eventually you turn away and fall asleep on one of the common room couches, near to where a year of his body in the same spot had left an indent. He doesn't think about the world where you aren't here, where he never sees you again, because he can't quite fathom it.
Because even when he was gone, he never felt like he had let any of you go
It makes him feel sick to his stomach, the closeness of someone else, but it feels worse to push you away so you sit shoulder to shoulder with him some time in the morning. He pretends not to see the new dark shadows in your eyes. You sit and watch the mist burn off and pretend his warmth can hide how the world is a little colder.
*I didn't fall in love with you. I walked into love with you, with my eyes wide open, choosing to take every step along the way. I do believe in fate and destiny, but I also believe we are only fated to do the things that we'd choose anyway. And I'd choose you; in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I'd find you and I'd choose you ― Kiersten White, The Chaos of Stars
#gojo satoru x reader#gojo satoru#a/b/o#a/b/o dynamics#omegaverse#alpha!reader#omega!gojo#reader insert#gn#i'm sorry this is so much longer than the getou one#I changed styles to write something else and couldn't get back to the broad strokes style of the getou bit#i want to expand on both#this show is really good and the potential here is too much to resist#the quote came to mind because the six eyes user has a specific kind of fate#but the idea of fate has a lot of interesting discussion around it in between religions#jjk plays a lot with buddhist/shinto/christian imagery including the idea of a fate thread tangled between certain power centers#i was raised in a christian centered culture which has certain beliefs about predetermination that can get incredibly depressing.#fate is generally defined as a predetermined and inescapable path of action or consequences#you can't escape it no matter what choices you make#which seems glum#karma on the other hand has something more to do with tendencies - the things you do to yourself/by yourself that lead to consequence#karma is separate from fate. even if you escape the cycle of karma or samsara you cannot escape fate#little interaction with fate are common - seeking explanations of future fortune or charms to pull you in the direction you want to go#ultimately there is a tension between the human ability to act at will (karma/free will) and fate#How do you justify acting if everything is predetermined? one can trap themselves in ontologic questions about purpose and actions#there is an inevitably and circular in accepting that maybe we can't escape fate but that fate also can't escape us#our actions were always going to matter#io.omegas
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everyone say thank you caecilian, for giving me the basic inspiration to start doing any serious writing again
#all the care guide says is 'biomass'#honestly the way things. were. collapsing so thoroughly#just entirely obliterated my urge to work on merfolk and miri's story for so long#and im still like#desperately fighting to get back to where i Was before#and i wont lie. im still kinda. really mad over how that happened#both in the actual event that really destroyed my ability to do just that#and in the slow leadup of getting more and more punted to the side and ultimately ignored#just. idk. sucks so much.#anyhow. nice to talk about what ive wanted to talk about again!!!
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currently addicted to the idea of lestat still bearing the marks of his attempted murder on his throat and general body ( because louis Did set him on fire ) but they're ultimately things only other vampires can see
#yes a la twilight 😐#out.#also vibing to the thought of him gaining more traditional vampire abilities after akasha 2.0 but ultimately hiding them from others#he just wants to fit in 😔 ( not really they just terrify him )
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Because I am back on some very specific bullshit I am ofc also thinking about how Joseph Conrad and Roger Casement met (were very briefly roommates in fact) in the Congo, and seem to have really liked each other. Conrad wrote glowingly of Casement in his diary ("Made the acquaintance of Mr. Roger Casement, which I should consider as a great pleasure under any circumstances and now it becomes a positive piece of luck. Thinks, speaks well, most intelligent and very sympathetic"). Six years later Casement made a point of looking him up in London and they apparently talked until three in the morning.
And then two decades later Casement was hanged for treason because he tried to run guns from Germany to the Easter Rising, whereas Conrad prominently refused to sign the petition for clemency.
#contrast conan doyle who was at least as ardent a british imperialist as conrad but very loudly on team pardon#idk ultimately casement fascinates me *because* he was not an uncomplicatedly heroic figure#(he was also a man of his time and v much complicit in british imperialism)#but because he was capable of taking that step beyond cognitive dissonance and into anti-imperialism#and it's like. what is the thing that cracks someone's worldview open? witnessing atrocities sure but conrad witnessed the same things!#is it because he was irish is it because he was gay can we meaningfully answer such questions about ourselves let alone historical figures?#is it even useful to try? identity is not political destiny. we have so many examples of it not being that.#Ability To Open One's Goddamned Eyeballs is really kind of a wild thing to celebrate anyone for and yet. and yet.#if there was some secret foolproof formula for getting people to do it my god we could get so much done#roger casement#my posts#sorry i swear i will shut up now
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