#[ WERE BOTH CRYING RN ]
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bridgerton setting up for s4 like "okay the straights have had their time in the sun, now it's the bisexuals' turn" god bless
#none of this was even REMOTELY on my s3 bingo card!!!!!#like!!!! the fact that benedict and francesca were already my favorite characters and i already saw so much of myself in francesca#and now they're both bi!!!! like me!!!!!!!!!!!! i could cry!!!!!!#okay excuse my moment of sappiness but i'm just so over the moon rn!!!!!!!!!#bridgerton#bridgerton spoilers
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something about being told im 'the leading person at this whole academy when it comes to interpretation and stage intelligence' by the husband of the woman im trying (not really. but i mean. who knows) to seduce... ok boy you got me. lets make it a polycule.
#im playing it all cool and funny now but atm i legit burst into tears lol#like he said i have a 'good voice too of course' but i know realistically that is not my strongest asset#and even if i were technically perfect. which im NOT lol. the voice itself is just nothing special. it's there ig but that's about it#but its nice to know i may not be 100% useless after all#(just 90%)#also apparently the most feared and respected professor who came to the concert said. again. that he likes me the most.#which again. crying real actual tears about this all rn this means literally the world to me this is everything i have#and i have no one to share this with because im not gonna say it to my uni friend cause i dont want her to feel like im boasting or sth#(even tho she has no such qualms herself but probably because i know how. not great. it feels when someone keeps talking about themselves#and about how great they are and how easy everything is for them. i dont wanna do it back at her.#well there's also the fact that i dont think im great and this is not fucking easy to me at all lol#but idk i think the difference between us is that she actually admitted she sees no point in singing if she cant show off (thus she hates#the duet we're singing because she sings the lower part and cant show off her high notes or coloratura.#which is like. an insane take to me. i mean it i get it. kinda. if i had a voice like hers maybe id be like that too fuck knows.#but that just feels so. idk. sad to me. so self obsessed and empty. like you dont care about the music itself? about you being a part of it?#also immediately made singing with her not fun anymore. i thought we were creating something TOGETHER. but thanks for the confirmation#that you only really care about being 'better than'. yikes.#like idk this behaviour is funny and iconic in old school opera legends like yes go bite each others dicks off.#but it hits completely different when it's your own colleague let alone your friend. like damn girl. damn)#) anyway. the husband is kinda hot too now that i think of it. i really should seduce them both.#except its realistically not possible since they've both seen me cry now (she saw it like a hundred times lol)#so ive lost the hot and mysterious card alas. no uni professors romance for me
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I just found out what happens to dabi at the end of mha. Don’t talk to me.
#personal*#jess talks#mha spoilers#when I say I can’t stop crying. I mean it.#he’s still alive technically but he’s only predicted to last a few more days#he spoke to all his family too#but the part that broke me was shoto asking what his favourite food was#and finding out they both love soba😭😭😭#I’m fuckin… in hysterics#now my brain is like ‘finalise rins story!!!’#but I’m over here struggling to cope with all this#1000% she gets to go see him#like fully bound and no allowed to move but she’s allowed to visit him#cus I predict fuyumi/shoto see the decency in her and know she’s not at fault for what her family made her do#so she’s deffo in prison for a long time#but they let her visit toya#and part of me is tempted to make some changes and get Eri to save him#BUT I honestly don’t know how I feel about that rn#like realistically I know he will die#and that makes the most sense#but if they can have a little longer I would want that😭#they were never gonna get a happy ending that’s for sure#but closure would be enough#maybe a little love confession or something#just an acknowledgment that they did actually love each other#and that /maybe/ she could redeem herself#after all the heroes and cops know she was doing them a favour by wiping out her rivals#but she’s still a villain#and it was take AT LEAST a decade before she would agree to ‘help’ the good guys#like deffo still a crime lord - but an organised one maybe?
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My kingdom for a "So you say” (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Damned#Helix#ZEX#Dexter Favin#Hhhh they ;; Their ''first'' interaction!#Officially up to three cryings - not that I'm surprised I love Dex <3#My head was fully abuzz during this scene there are so so so many interesting details!#So interesting to see which ''held true'' and which were left behind - which ones became Helix while others didn't!#At this point I almost see Helix as an alternate timeline - kind of like how Defeated is a branching arm off the main body#Not terribly dissimilar but the details that are different are too interesting to let go of so just make it all canon in its own way! Hehe#Especially since Helix is largely from Max's 3rd person perspective so the way he tells it is different than Dexter haha#Very interesting what he leaves out in his retelling hehehehe ♪♫#Anyhow enough of Max he's not even here rn sheesh ♪ ZEX! And Dexter ;;#Hghhghh it's all set up so deviously <3 That fact that up to this point ZEX has been relying on Zelnick especially to give him credence#And then as soon as someone he ''knows he trusts'' comes to throw a wrench into things - Dexter has as much weight or more!#He's specifically engineered to sow doubt and confusion! Gosh what a place to grow his character from <3 <3#ZEX's pride undoes him completely it's So well written ♥ Truly a fatal flaw for VUX and the way he's picked apart aghh <3#And?? The fact that I can hear ''Max's'' voice in ZEX's syntax as soon as he doesn't have a good argument??? Hello????#I know they come from the same base but like!! How!!! Masterful 💖#As I drew it it's a bit out of order - Dexter says he can't protect Max (😭) before ZEX starts crying it all got a bit mixed in my head#I was very emotional at the time you understand haha#It's all so sad! They're so close in some ways to being or having what the other wants but both fall just short#No wonder they took what little comfort in each other they could <3 ZEX comforted by his voice and Dex comforted by caring for his body#They have so little to offer each other trapped as they are ;;#It's all so interesting and distressing!! There's so much to think about as everything falls into place!
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ok soim gonna ramble about the wedding in the tags cos this is my diary lol kitty dont read this (she's not been on tumblr in ages it should b fine pfft)
#personal#ok so first of all it was a very overwhelming but amazing day!#the food was INCREDIBLE lol i honestly want the recipe for the chickpea fritters (that were covered in sesame seeds) like asap lol#sad i never got to have an italian pizza#(partly cos i was mainly w/ my mum who cant eat too much wheat rip...)#the venue was also amazing! there were all these animals (it's like a sanctuary thing?)#it was a shame it was cloudy and rainy that day but it wasnt too bad lol#(like look im english i'm used to it being rainy and cloudy 90% of the time pfft)#the actual vows ceremony part was honestly a highlight#i cried lol (it was a mixture of things... i was tired and overwhelmed... also i love my sister a lot ofc lol)#(also didnt help my mum was bawling her eyes out next to me pfft)#(also wasnt the only one cos when we went to say goodbye all my other sister's were crying too pfft...)#her husband's family were a Lot but all super lovely!#what was really funny is that they sat us on tables w/ a mixture of italian and english guests#and on both our table and one of the others everyone was bonding by showing each other pictures of their pets pfft#(mainly cats lol)#the dj wasnt that great pfft (yes i was mainly annoyed that there was no kpop cos i think my sis said she wanted to include some...)#i did get up and dance v awkwardly (mainly forced to by one of his sisters pfft) but it was fun lol#ohh and her dress(es) were seriously stunning!#the one for the main ceremony was like a classic victorian(?) sorta style#with an amazinggg 30s style veil!#her evening dress was shorter and she'd sewn the flowers we'd all been helping make for her on it#and it was honestly just so gorgeous#(i might try posting some of pics of it if i can?)#she also made her husband's waistcoat which matched the colours in her dress :')#struggling writing this rn cos i have a very needy cat trying to demand attentino lol#(we picked them up from the cattery today and i think they had a p tough time :(((( i missed them so much honestly)#anyway so the not so great things were the photographers (which ?? there were two ??? why ??)#they were really invasive and annoying lol#half my family couldnt even see my sis get married cos they were in the way ugh
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it's hard to have a good day like, mentally and emotionally but a bad day physically.
it's REALLY hard to do that twice in a row but we're going to try.
#i'm not doing the bit this time sorry#the POTS has been POTSing all over the place and i had to take a shower#so what *wasn't* THAT bad before is now VERY BAD and i'm like...#i'm nauseous i don't want to eat anything i can feel the pain starting so i do need to eat SOMETHING so i can take meds#but the concept of both making AND eating food is daunting and also gross feeling simultaneously#my heart is just constantly pounding and i haven't had any caffeine yet today#so my concerns that it was the monster making my shower reactions worse is absolutely not the case#because i'm fucking sitting here shaking like i just survived a car crash all due to having#*checks notes*#woken up made my bed and taken a shower. that's IT. that is ALL i have done so far#and i am trembling and shaking and weak and nauseous like i'm in shock or something this is BULLSHIT#i think i'm hungry too is the other problme i don't know for sure due ot the aforementioned other factors#so i bet eating would help a lot here#god i hate this so much right now i'm so mad#i had to dream about my family and being ignored and there were WILD swings between feeling horrible and feeling like things were improving#and i wouldn't be shocked if the symptoms i was having in my dream were happening in real time in my actual body too#i hate htis i hate htis i hate this#water salt compression socks WHAT ABOUT WHEN THAT'S NOT ENOUGH HUH? WHAT THEN??? DO I JUST GOTTA LIVE LIKE THIS?????#*fuck* i'm so angry rn. and sad. i think i'm going to let myself cry and see what happens
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okay. can someone reassure me that I will have other chances to see the northern lights because I am feeling very end of the world-y right now
#i was so excited that i caught a big storm this time and i drove out to see it#and you can't see them w the naked eye here but you could in night mode#but. my phone doesn't have a night mode.#its supposed to and i googled it for an hour but my phone is old and none of the settings are where they're supposed to be#i followed a guide on how to manipulate the pro mode to be a night mode but i still don't have the settings he was talking about#and sitting on the ground while everyone talks about how cool the lights are when i can't figure it out kind of. broke something in me idk#are strong solar storms as common as they seem to have been this year? if i travel one day very far north a few times will i ever see them#because i feel like i missed both of my fucking chances and this is the only thing on my bucket list#and now im crying on a road in a town i don't know and i don't want to go home bc my mom will laugh at me#i asked her if she would drive out to meet me here and she said no#im trying really hard to be positive about this but ive never ever seen news about solar storms like this until this year#and im really worried i will never see one again bc these were freak events or something#please don't give me tips or ''you should have done x'' because i want to kms rn and that will not help at all
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so today went. well???
#started off strong by finding my classrooms with my friend#then we went to the mall to get school supplies#it was super chill and lots of fun#that friend is always like no-pressure but hella fun#then i went and hung out with ANOTHER friend#and there were tears bc they’re having a hard time rn and their brain is being a DICK to them#and they were able to talk things out and i’m not good at comforting people but i’m glad i was at least there for them#and then we watched a show#then something came up and ~I~ was the one crying#but that didn’t last long bc i tried to explain something and made reference to a quote#but had to stipulate that although it was a nice and fitting quote it wasn’t technically scientifically accurate#(that was a preface before i even started the quote)#and my friend laughed at me bc apparently interrupting myself to interject about the scientific accuracy of something I was quoting was#‘very [me]’#and then i went on a ramble about precocial vs altruitial species#*altricial#anyway it was kinda a mess but i think it was better for both of us?#this person used to be a person i told pretty much everything to do it feels good not feeling like i have to disguise certain things around#them#i also told them the only other big(ish) thing that i’ve ever kept from them#which maybe wasn’t ideal timing but it didn’t seem to bother them and it felt better not feeling like i was hiding anything from them#anyway long emotional day#i’m so wiped#i love my friends so fucking much#i cannot overstate how amazing they are and how much joy they deserve and how lucky i am to know them#personal
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💬 + Satoru lost his virginity to Suguru. :3
Send 💬 + a rumor and my muse will react to it.
❝ that's a good one. did we come across as that close? i'd say it depends what qualifies. ❞
#( answered. )#// fighting demons rn tryna piece together my personal (head)canon for him. im always torn between stsg were kind of an unofficial thing vs#they never got the chance to be bc satoru's dumbass didn't realize how he rly felt til it was too late#aaaaagh i love both options#( i swear i'll only make you cry; v: satomi. )#( i've got my mind on you; vartouhix. )#vartouhix
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Just finished watching aftersun. Do not fucking textm
#this movie just both embodied mental illness whilst freed me from it in a way#im projectingso much rn#oooiuhghj i should not have watched this before going into college on a monday#ok so baically#imagine eeaao but for white people ajnsjdksnf#literally. white eeaao but its good#remove immigration and replace it with overall emotional displacement from depression#also its a scottish film!!! made by a scot!! not set in scotland but it has scottish actors!!!#scotland w#honestly if there were people id trust making a white eeaao itd be the scots lmao#also its not a happy ending but its good that it wasnt#charlotte wells#aftersun#scotland#yeah this made me cry idc#i originally found this movie by watching the ending out of curiosity on youtube#teared up a bit then and i cried harder with tje context of the film#then cried again watching the edit on youtube#i havent splashed this long in the tags in ages so ta if you kept up this long
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if you didnt go here when you were seven literally you will never understand anything about this life
#i just had a memory unlock so randomly#all these books were insane i remember both of these making me CRY#baby’s first brush with childhood mortality…. that and the samantha parkington books are to blame for everything about me i think#AND MAY BIRD. DUH.#i want to be like mary downing hahn i really want to write horror for children i feel like that niche is sort of voided rn#edit: dylan and natalie the only people who understand this world….. AS usual
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it's 5:30 am and I'm here crying bc I went to feed the cats and there was a bat outside and their rabies shots are not up to date and I don't have money for them or for the Ubers I'll need to get to give them the free one. it's also Saturday and the free ones only available during the week I'm so scared I'm so fucking scared. I don't even know how much it costs to vaccinate them thru private clinics I just know its money I don't have rn. I'm so scared.
#delete#we have a wall(?) with an abandoned house that has a lot of like plants and i feel like both the mosquitoes and the bats have increased#i cant even see their backyard so well i just know its partially demolished and that a lot of plants are growing#for there to be a mosquito hotspot is so easy#also im terrified of the possibility of my cat having caught this bat before i saw it was thrre in the first place. unlikely. but im insane#i think private vaccines are like fucking. 100 reais per animal. i have 3. thats 300 reais i dont have that kind of money ffs#plus theyll probably ask for more if they were to come to my house.#im scared#my parents are out of town and so is my little sister. my older sister has an injured foot and is staying at her room all day#alas one more thing to fall on my lap that ill have to deal with alone. killing myself#theyre not exclusively indoor bc thats impossible given my house. they cant LEAVE the house. they cant go to other houses or to the street#but they have access to a walled backyard situation thing#im gonna cry why is this happening rn
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one thing about us is. #colonialism
#thinking about our history with gangs & rap. obvs the rap part is obvs. but the gangs. ik it's obvious like. systemic oppression & poverty.#but did we just Do It did it Just Happen. did it start as a syndicate thing. or revolutionary causes gone astray. ik it's probs obvs#did our gangs rise alongside black gangs. ik the roots of both these r complicated but like. as a huge Cultural thing. in the 1920s.#1 thing that made a mark on me is how our gay men talked and how it's - apparently - connected to the history of how black gay people#talked. how they derived it from black women in the 1910-30s(?) idk i forgot it's been a long time i forgot where i picked that information#up from. but wow. and we mirrored that somehow. but when and how did that happen exactly#we were still under american rule until 1946#i think it was a fil-am internet personality who appropriated black speech nd culture. & comparing the speech patterns of black queer men#to our fil gay men it's like. yeah there are SOME similarities but i think it's still not easy to confuse the two styles of speeches#besides the obvious language difference#but idk maybe it's a subject of stereotypes. fils r definitely one for queer stereotyping but to infuse that w/the fact that we r not very#knowledgeable about how exactly queerness actually is. we're still stuck on that bakla and tomboy thing even now & the western knowledge is#very much not an accessible digestible information for lots of people except the youth#idkkkkk it's confusing this is all over the place but i'm so curious#and i definitely understand the stance of some who r like. hey not everything is about america#but i can't tell if it's just the big filipino ego flaring or if it's actually true. but i mean we were colonized for a long ass time#& when they talk about america they may only b talking about. white colonizers. which is not what that's about.#crazy how we haven't even reached 150 yrs in celebrating the day the first colonizer peaced out#and the oldest gay known icon i've found is from the '80s. no prominence given to the queer people from 1800s or early 1900s and#how they were like#but our pre-colonial era...punchign the wall. BRING IT BACK teach these things in school PLWEASE#but idk my research is shallow i'll dig deeper someday when i'm not busy (<- interrupted their own studying session to ramble knowing they#have a shit ton of things to study for finals tomorrow morning)#if anybody found this pls link me to some studies/articles or give me any info i'm crying over this rn and how stupd i am <3#rambles
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#kats personal#so ive been cleaning out my room and im near the end of it#and coming across all these things that like#remind me of the good bits of my childhood that i like. dont remember ofc but i know they happened bevause of these things#like. things that mum handmade for me when i was really young#toys that ive had/was gifted when i was born etc#and these things have been in my room forever since i got them (like even w moving houses they still stayed on display/in use in my room)#but now im like. dusting them off and putting them away etc and i kind of. i think i know why but idk why im crying so much rn HQHA#like i fully know why LMAO idk why im pretending to be confused#i just cant out it into wirds yknow#but what actually started the emotions was coming across a photo of my parents that i kept at the very top of my closet in thr storage thing#like i have not accessed the stuff up here and didnt even know half the stuff i found even existed#anyways it reminded me that my brother and i both used to keep a photo of my parents from before we were born/when we were toddlers#like we arent in the pic; its just them right but we used to keep it as lime#*like. a reminder (well in hindsight it was more wishful thinking) that they chose to be together and they do love eachother and things were#gonna be okay etc despite how bad they seemed while we were growing up ??#and after this year i just ☹️☹️☹️☹️#(am actually crying sm rn that im laughing bruh)#ANYWAYS hid it away in a corner hehe
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