#like i have not accessed the stuff up here and didnt even know half the stuff i found even existed

[straykats]

.

[the-s1lly-corner]

Jail Break (Father x Reader)

raffle prize for @jezy ! i hope you like this! this was my first time writing a fic that was more action and stealth based so hopefully i didnt totally fail in that area!! prompt: you bust a sick benedict out of the arctic base after he fails one of his plans notes: reader is gn, reader is not a villain theyre a normal person, toiletnator cameo, i forgot a lot of the arctic base stuff so im going off of memory because i have no current access to knd episodes </3 word count: 2262 cws: none

You couldn’t believe you were doing this… and doing it alone, at that! What were you thinking? Exactly, you weren’t! You knew there were people more capable of jailbreaking Benedict from his cell in the arctic base, but your own worry had consumed you; you acted as quickly as possible without truly making a plan. 

And now here you were, peeking around the corner of a wall, your free hand gripping a heavy bag filled with any tool and gadget you could get your hands on from your partner’s mansion. You didn’t even know what half of them did, for all you knew at least one of them could be a plain pen… one did look like one, but upon trying to write with it you found it was in fact a laser of sorts. 

You suck in a breath and hug the wall as a child walks right past you, not taking a second to glance at you as you huddled against a vending machine.

 A few seconds pass, and you finally bring yourself back to your feet and return to your position at the corner. A line of cells, some empty and others containing an adult that had been captured. You recognized some of the ones who were gripping the bars and muttering words you couldn’t hear. 

Two operatives sat at a table next to the nearest cell, playing a card game. You needed to get past them without giving yourself away. 

Your hand grips the straps of the bag you carried, before pulling it open… nothing seemed to be a good idea- you didn’t want to actually fight them… they were children, afterall… Your teeth grind together for a moment. 

You look at the vending machine and feel your pockets for dollars. Kids like junk food, right?

Hastily shoving the bills into the machine and scooping up the bags you could afford you stand for a moment. You still can’t just walk up towards them and offer them… so you do the first thing that comes to mind and chuck them to one of the side hallways further down the one you were looking down. The bags slam and crunch from the impact, and you can hear them slide and bounce off the floor. 

In an instant the operatives are getting up from their seats to check out the noise- and you take this as your chance to rush down the hallway as fast as possible. You hear one of them comment on the snack choice, seemingly more than pleased to find free food. 

The first cell you reach is empty, and the second contains… You frown as you lock eyes with a pair of bright blue ones. Before Toiletnator can even get a (rather loud) word out, you silence him. 

“Lou-” You hiss through clenched teeth as you instinctively grab his face through the bars and squish it. He stares back wide eyed as you loosen your grasp. “Is Be- Is Father here?” You whisper. Toiletnator pulls his face away from the bars and his brows knit together. “He is-” He gasps. “Are you here to bust us out?” 

“Where is he?”

He doesn’t seem at all phased or dampened by you ignoring his question. He slips a long arm through the bars and points further down the hall. “I think he’s waaaaaaaaaaaay towards the end- hey-!” You hear him call after you as you speed walk to where he pointed. Lou was right, Benedict was in the second to last cell on this side of the hallway. 

You knock your knuckle against the bars and almost instantly regret it with a hiss. “Benedict-” You whisper, unable to finish your sentence before Benedict lets out one of the loudest sneezes you’ve ever heard come from a human being. Your own throat hurts just by hearing it and seeing how it tore through his curled form.

A frown contorts across your face. “Benedict I’m here to get you home,” You rattle the bar with one hand and dive your free one into the bag. There has to be something you can use to get through the bars…

Did this place have alarms? 

The thought only just now crossed your mind, but nothing seemed to have gone off… yet…

There had to be something…

“Why are you here?” Benedict wheezed, his words far less forced and strained than they usually are- at least not in the way they were normally. He sounded… exhausted, as if every word took a special kind of will to force out. He pushed himself into a sitting position as drooped yellow eyes stared right at you. He was still shrouded in shadow, but even against the dim lighting you can tell how bad he looked.

“I’m getting you out of here and taking you home,” You repeat yourself.

“That’s not…” But he sneezed before he could finish and groaned as he dug his knuckles into his temples. You make a mental note to make some soup when you return home. 

If you return home.

You stare at him, sudden annoyance bubbling up inside of you. He was already ill before he went off to invade this base, even if it was a simple fever… and he still went anyway, and got caught. You bite back your tongue for now, scolding him wasn’t going to empty his cell.

You pull out various tools and put them to the bars- nothing seemed to be able to get the job done. 

Eyes dart to the hallway to make sure the operatives haven’t returned to their posts, and so far it doesn’t seem like it. Toiletnator seemed to have gotten his head stuck between the bars, presumably trying to keep an eye on what you were doing. It didn’t look like he noticed yet. 

You pull out another gadget… the pen. You stare intently at it, twirling it around in your hands; careful not to click it on and burning yourself. Tapping your nail against it, you figure it was worth a shot… when you tried it it seemed stupidly powerful given how small it was.

“Stay where you are,” You mutter, but Benedict had made no move to get closer to you. 

Clicking the pen, you let the red laser dig into the bars- and to your shock and surprise, it actually began to cut through. Cleanly, mind you. You’d ask Benedict why he had this specific object while making him soup.

You grip the bar before it can fall to the ground, and shuffle it next to you. You repeat the process until there was a big enough gap for Benedict to fit through- which… admittedly, it didn't take long at all. You pocket the pen, and lean into the cell. 

Squinting, you frown as you watch Benedict shamble over towards you. You gently take his hands- warm and clammy- into yours and help pull him through the bars. The shadows engulfing him feel… different. Almost sludgy, but still solid. He shuffles next to you as you keep a hand wrapped around his side, and one of his arms slung around your shoulder.

“Come on… if we hurry…” You mutter as you pass by Toiletnator who begins going off on where you’re going- aren’t you going to bust him out too? What about him-

You only offer a soft apology to him as you practically dragged Benedict across the floor, each step leaving him weaker than he was before.

“I told you going was a terrible idea,” You say through clenched teeth. His breathing hitches as he prepares to say something in response, but you’re both silenced as the operatives round the corner and lock eyes with you.

It’s a horribly long pause, with the four of you locking onto each other. You catch Benedict trying to summon some fire, only for sparks to slip between his fingertips. That was enough to break the trance, the silence erupting into shouts. 

You nearly hiss a swear but swallow it before it can slip out- these are children after all. 

You begin to make a break for it, nearly dragging Benedict across the floor as his legs begin to crumble under him. “Hey- HEY-!” He tried to roar but it only came out in a rasped voice- vocal cords gone raw from his sickness. You tug him closer as finally, the base’s alarms pierce through the air. Something flies past your head, you whip your head around to see the two operatives from before aiming a gun full of gumballs at you. 

Your feet bump into each other, nearly taking you down to the floor. Benedict yelps as the arm wrapped around your shoulder tenses against you.

You glance at him. He’s far too ill to keep up with you- not that you were an athlete… but you didn’t want all of this effort to go to waste. You snake an arm behind his legs and tug him off of the ground- at least he won’t be dragging anymore. 

It was all adrenaline, you were sure- but there wasn’t any time to answer Benedict’s yammering as his fingers scrambled around and into your shoulders to try to anchor him to you. He rested his head against yours, covering his eyes as a dull groan escaped him. The movement could not be good for him. Hopefully, he wouldn’t throw up on you. 

You zip through hallways and mumble faint apologies as you dive and push through confused operatives trying to locate the problem- a few times you narrowly avoid getting tackled to the ground. Multiple times you nearly twisted your ankle trying to weave around the chaos.

Finally, you managed to burst through the exit and make a mad dash for the vehicle you used to make the trip. Blasts go off behind you as they try to take you down, but out of sheer luck you clamber inside and slam everything on, and rise into the air. Faint dings are the only thing cutting through your panting, but even that fades as you get too high in the air. You set the vehicle on autopilot- silently thanking whoever added that feature as you punched in where you needed to go…you didn’t know how to drive an aircraft, much less one masquerading as an ice cream truck.

You turn in the driver’s seat and shoot a soft glare at Benedict as he cradles his head in his hands in the passenger’s seat. Your eyes soften.

Not now. You’ll get onto him later. 

You relax into the seat and look into the rear view mirror. The arctic base continues to get smaller and smaller as each second passes. You can see operatives scrambling around on the ground in the remains of the chaos, they look like ants. 

A sigh you didn’t know you were holding finally releases itself. Finally, Benedict brings his head up to look at you. His shadow drips off of him like ooze, paled skin peeked through holes. You lean over and fiddle with the lever on the side of the seat. 

“These should be able to recline backwards, right?” You ask, mostly speaking to yourself as you pull it, and slowly lower Benedict into a mostly laying down position. He groaned with each soft jolt as he was lowered further. You mutter an apology each time. 

“There… that’s better than sitting up…” You pull your hands back into yourself. His yellow eyes are fixated on your face, though they looked glazed over. His teeth clicked and chattered every few seconds. 

You want to say something, to get onto him for being so reckless. So careless, but he looks so defeated by his own body. You bite your tongue as you fumble with your coat… you ignore the mustard stains- no doubt from the weapons the operatives used on you. You place it clean side down on him. You crank up the heat, ignoring any thought that you may be melting the ice cream stored in the truck. 

You face forward, and drum your fingers on your thighs. 

“I should have listened to you,” Benedict croaked.

You glance at him out of the corner of your eye but don’t offer a response.

“I’m sorry,” He added when you didn’t immediately acknowledge him. 

You suck in a breath through your teeth, and dig your knuckles into yourself. “It’s…” 

It wasn’t okay. You may have both escaped but what if you hadn’t?

You stop yourself and puff out your cheeks as you try to think of something to say. 

“It’s not okay, but we will talk about it when you’re feeling better. I don’t want to have this conversation right now while you’re in this state- it feels unfair to keep you from resting,” You say firmly. He doesn’t argue with you.

“You’re staying home until you’re better, too. No evil villain nonsense.” You add. He opens his mouth to speak but the glare you give him has him snapping his jaws shut. 

“Of course, of course,” He mumbles, all the fight sucked out of him thanks to the sickness. He’s not as stubborn when he’s ill, at least you have that to be thankful for. 

The rest of the ride home is spent in near silence; only being broken by Benedict’s coughs and sneezes as he drifts into an uneasy sleep. 

You reach over to him and run your fingers through his hair, now exposed from his shadow. It was unkempt. You make a third mental note to draw him a bath once he’s well enough to clean himself.

[furballfaggot]

my buddy convinced me to make an animal jam play wild account since it actually still gets proper updates and so far my feelings have been. mixed. overall i havent done nearly as much as anyone else bc my account has existed for maybeee 2 or 3 hours? so this is just my first impressions. im also kinda biased bc ive been playing animal jam classic for years and years and YEARS. back when 9 + 10 = 21 was still unironically funny and every cool kid in class read warriors. might update this post with extra thoughts as i go along! all opinions below the cut bc this is an absurdly long post

ive only played a few levels of overflow (and it might be because i played on expert because i Definitely have no overbearing hubris casting a shadow upon my better judgement) but the gem payout being higher than AJC for each level you complete is a very welcome change (2 gems times X number, seemingly determined by how long your path is, vs AJPWs i think it was like 5 gems times X number determined by how long your path is? either that or like 10. idk i blew a whole half hour on overflow alone and it was almost 6 AM by the time i finished so my brains kinda muddled)

also, membership has become far less of an overbearing nightmare monster for AJPW in comparison to AJC! thats a good thing! personally i think that membership just Shouldn't but thats because i think any monetarily-accessed subscription anythings just Shouldn't especially in this day and age. i got to go to the clothing store and buy things i liked and i didnt just have to longingly stare at the paywalled options like a maiden gazing out to sea and it felt great

dont like how theres so many fewer options for shopping for Like Everything but its a far more ambitious game than AJC what with everything being 3d modeled, and its got a younger target demo and theyre usually happy with whatever looks cool, so it checks out. haha. funny pun that was intended definitely. whats there is also pretty great and the den item options you get started off with are both way more cool and way more More than classic in its hayday. idk about the ajc starting den items now though i dug my old account from the ashes of who i once was when i decided to pick classic up again. i dont actually remember if you start with any den items in ajc now that i think about it i might be misremembering. that still means play wild has that point against classic though. shame theres no water animals but they could maybe possibly be added in an update pretty please wildworks if by some miracle youre reading this i am begging and pleadi

really my main issue so far is with how many things cost real-world money. theres next to nothing that requires a membership to even be bought aside from one members-only map location my buddy warned me about beforehand -- which, as a reluctant f2p since literally like 5th grade, ive been playing this game for Far too long, i do genuinely appreciate -- but boy oh boy you can sure tell this was mainly developed as a mobile game. there is so much pay-real-money-for-trinkets stuff and you just Cannot disable that menu. at least let me get rid of the little button that tells me i can spend the hard-earned bucks on moms credit card to get 1/4th the amount of animals of AJC man thats all i ask of this part

also this is largely unrelated but can i just say i DESPISE how many things are like "hi heres a welcome bonus :) oh but you need to pay like 3 bucks for it. yeah its usually 5 but for a Special New Player Like You? its a steal!" like thats not a welcome bonus thats an entry fee. i know thats like a paltry amount of money compared to most things Just Ever but its also coming from a guy whos family usually has zero money to spare

[kazumasougi]

so what’s your verdict on ragnarok? i saw some people say that it was good but not as good as the first game so i’m curious to know what you think. going to play it this summer 😎

okok this might get long so here’s the non-spoilery short of it: i really loved playing through ragnarok but i do agree that i liked 2018 more! I’ll put the significantly longer portion under the cut and ill do my best not to spoil any main story portions while talking about it lol

ragnarok definitely lets you explore far far more. i think theres a couple of places where you can tell they didnt want to drag the story out so they cut stuff for time but i personally feel like the game could’ve very well used that. and i think the fact that 2018 is like a good number of hours longer than ragnarok makes it a little bit surprising when you get to the endpoint.

also unlike 2018— though this matters less to me— there are parts of the game that you can only actually finish once youre done with the main story. it has a few epilogue pieces which are definitely a nice send-off for the game and you can explore just a little bit more, but if im honest it feels a bit empty..? though im not done with postgame so when i get there ill probably post abt it more 😼

storywise i feel like there’s some things that could definitely have improved or been changed in some way… i absolutely loved the new dynamics between old characters and getting to see how theyve grown with each other since 2018. its super heartwarming to me. but some parts really did feel rushed and while the ending was good some parts just felt kind of… abrupt??? i’d love to know how they would have refined the story with just a bit more time because personally it feels like theres still a loose end or two that hasnt been addressed. that said its by no means a BAD story— i really liked going through it! the best way i can think to put it is that it’s an emotional rollercoaster from start to finish.

in terms of MECHANICS… i’ll be completely honest some of them were so incredibly frustrating that id considered giving up on some of the fun side stuff they encourage you to do (like nornir chests and whatever else may have you). even some parts of the main quest were a little bit confusing to me…?? at some points there are puzzles that aren’t super straightforward and it got a little tiring to play guess and check. that said there aren’t a lot of them, but it definitely left me a little bit annoyed during gameplay. i should mention though for some of the mechanics in question they DO have a crazy good range of accessibility settings that help you more clearly see things like interact-able objects and targets etc. so making use of those definitely lessened the annoyance for me personally lol. that said it does not work for all of them and if you Want to go collecting extras then you might have to sit there frustrated a few times before it works out 🥲

one more thing i should probably mention in regards to game mechanics is the skill trees… i’ll keep this explanation light as to avoid heavy spoilers but essentially they give you a LOT of skills to upgrade with XP. and i mean a lot. i have not used even half of them they do nothing for me 💀 i would guess this is their way of letting you do more with XP since in 2018 you rack it up faster than you can spend it but there are so many in ragnarok. and if im honest it feels like a lot of them are kind of … useless in combat. or at least very very situational. they do give you the chance to upgrade skills you use the most which i really like but i find it kind of weird how many of them are reliant on hyperspecific situations while also costing a significant amount when you unlock them.

OH. and also. i kind of wish the companion armor had some sort of effect…???? like in 2018 i loved atreus’ healthstone effect because it suited my playstyle. but all companion armor is purely cosmetic. they seem to have replaced that with accessories you can equip them with that have different effects but i also didnt really feel much of a difference with them until postgame 😿 an edge ragnarok has on 2018 though is definitely that you can customize what your armor looks like while taking the stats of another. which is awesome because im tired of making him look like hes wearing a sweater vest at a holiday gathering. ill admit though the menuing is a little bit more confusing lol

ANYWAY. to finish this off i feel like i loved a lot about ragnarok but after having seen what they did in 2018 i feel like they probably couldve pushed it a bit more. that said the story is absolutely crazy and i loooove certain routes they went with it so it definitelys worth playing imo. i just wouldnt expect it to be just like the first game 👍 there are some major changes i havent listed because i think seeing them for yourself will be awesome

[rosecoballoway]

HOFAS Spoilers

So here’s my entire thought process on the newest Crescent City book and kinda the series as a whole.

Bryce’s character was kind of unbearable? Like I don’t dislike and at the beginning of the book I understand her not trusting the IC. Like I know every loves them and stuff but like they’re not the good guys. The Archeron sisters are the only ones who actually care about others; the rest literally only care about themselves and the people of Velaris, with the exception of Cassian who also cares about the Illyrians. But yeah, the IC aren’t the good guys and Rhys would have probably just killed her if she had told them the truth at the very start. But her entire anti-fae thing was horrible. Like girl you hate how they are so just change it? They’ve had a bigoted asshole as their leader for a billion years of course they’re following his lead? You now have the power and authority to change it so do it? Also the further I got into the book the happier I was that Aelin wasn’t showing up because you can’t tell me that Aelin, who loves the fae, would have been cool with Bryce the second she started spewing how much she hates the fae. Also her bitching about Hunt not acting like he wanted to be there. Like bitch he doesn’t? He said multiple times in the last book that he doesn’t want anything to do with it but then he went along with it, for her, and ended up being tortured for it. Like I wouldn’t want to be there either. I’m very on the fence with her just in general because she comes up with some really smart plans but she’s honestly just one of the dumbest characters like how? Like in the second book when she went around throwing around the whole Princess Bryce Danaan and then was surprised when she was actually expected to abide by the responsibilities that having that title comes with? And that her friend was angry when all of her hard work was thrown away because her royal friend got her a promotion by waving around her royal status? like i just feel like this series has the actual dumbest characters. Access to modern stuff has killed their braincells.

Also, do I think Rhys was justified in his anger? Yes. Do I think he overreacted? Also yes. I understand that he has a mate, and a child, and they’re at peace (except not really because they still have Koschei to deal with) but he needs to trust Nesta more. Like she made a gamble and it worked out. He could have waited until afterwards to be mad about it if it didn’t work out. Besides, the Dread Trove is hers. It answers to her so she can do what she pleases with it. “Oh she sent it into the world of their enemies” as opposed to what? Keeping it in their world where *gasp* they still have enemies? Like calm tf down. Even if the Asteri had gone over, Rhysand- the most powerful high lord in history- and Nesta- lady death who wields a sword that can kill the inkillable- would have been able to handle it. Besides, Feyre would have made the same choice. You know why? Because she’s always made the choice to help others. And if it had been Feyre making that choice then Rhys would have been fine with it.

Also, I feel like these last two books were supposed to make us feel bad for Tharion but it didnt? like the dude wanted to be a fuckboy and betrothed himself to a princess just so he could take her virginity and then we're supposed to feel bad for him because he's expected to uphold his end of the arrangement? like no

Also i feel like the whole lost Fendyr heir was pointless. like it just didnt do anything? we're intoduced to this character just so she can be killed off before we're even half way through the book and then the rest of the book was Ithan just running in circle trying to fix it but then just being like well that didnt work lets try something else. like Sarah could have done something else for his character that led to him being prime.

Lidia, of course, was amazing. Everything with her was fantastic and she was honestly my favorite part of the book. I was overjoyed when it was revealed that she's a descendant of Brannon's and that shes a distant relative to Aelin (Dorian too).

[ot3]

first of all, i am violently in love your ace attorney fancomic. that one panel of mia in the elevator and edgeworth on the stairs sitting back to back lives rent free in my head, i think abt it every 3-5 business days and go feral. tysm <3 second, would you ever consider showing us ur process behind it? like how you plan it, the dialog + composition, etc? id personally love to get that insight !!

thank you so much!!!

i actually do have a TON of behind the scenes/process stuff up on my patreon for $2. every thumbnail/color rough/scrapped page comp i've done is up there, and i've been writing detailed commentary on the comic as a whole because it's something people expressed an interest in reading. there's a decent amount of it right now and ill have a new batch of commentary up sometime in the next few days

as for more generalized stuff about process ill stick that here under the cut but unfortunately it is going to be EXTREMELY unhelpful because my process habits are very bad.

so as for prewriting/pre-planning i do almost none of it. i've been trying to get better at doing that but i get so so so bored of that so fast. here's a screenshot of my first outline, cropped to just show everything i've drawn so far.

as you can see this all means pretty much nothing and i also didnt quite follow it. we didn't get the mia and greg postmortem and swiss rolls stuff for turnabout samurai because i later decided to scrap it. later down in this document there are slightly more detailed notes about some specific scenes, but really its all super lose.

Recently i tried to write a more detailed outline for the upcoming parts of the comic, and the stuff that happened in this most recent batch of pages was documented there pretty well

but already the stuff i wrote in this outline for later batches is not accurate to what i want anymore so to be honest the outlines are kind of a wash for me. what's really the meat of my pre-planning process is i just have a private discord server where i dump notes.

the reason i use a discord server for this is because its super easily accessible from every device i have, and doesnt require backing up between locations. i also just dump chunks of canon text in there that i want to pull exact dialogue from when i'm doing my transcript rereads.

a lot of these notes are completely useless and redundant

most of them are snippets of dialogue i want to put in on later pages. almost none of this dialogue will ever be used. for starters, a lot of it is different takes on the exact same handful of scenes and so by default are mutually exclusive bits of content. i like to just dump as many ideas as i have in there even if theyre contradictory, and then just read back through and pick my favorite/most appropriate ones as i get to actually drawing whats coming up.

every now and then ill dump all this in a google doc and arrange it roughly chronologically so related takes go together, but i havent done that in like six months so its all just a huge mess right now.

the reason i can get away with such bare bones planning is because i have a very strong mechanical understanding of how this story is supposed to function. in the two and a half years that has gone by since i came up with the idea and started working on it, almost nothing has fundamentally changed in my big picture narrative goals. knowing the exact shape of what i'm building towards makes it really easy to let the more minute details come to me in the moment. they either are congruent with that end goal, in which case they can stay, or they're more extraneous/irrelevant in which case they get cut.

when i get stuck, more often than not i just slide into mia @demonkix's dms and make her hear out my rambling. thanks mia. shoutout to mia.

now, here's probably one of my biggest sins: i do not script anything. there is no finalized dialogue until i am writing it directly onto the page. unless i'm directly lifting from the text, that is. ill have a rough idea of what needs to be said in each page when im drafting, and sometimes i'll write in rough dialogue on the draft. but most of the time ill just sketch out the approximation of the speech bubble andd either leave it fully blank or jot in one or two keywords in to remind me of what the dialogue should be. then the actual dialogue gets written in once the art is finished

do not do this. i can not stress how frustrating this is for myself. i do this every time and i always hate it.

the reason i dont bother with any proper scripting is because the dialogue bends to the art. not the other way around. a massive amount of my process is dictated by what im in the mood to draw, and by keeping the actual character interactions as flexible as possible until the art is done, i can ensure i dont get stuck at key points because the thing that has to happen is something i dont feel like drawing.

in general, my process for drafting pages is just rough thumbnail -> color rough -> go actually draw the damn thing

however there ill be times when i just do not bother drafting at all and jump immediately into drawing a page. if you go look at the stuff on patreon youll see that in the beginning i pretty much just drew everything after the first batch straight through.

this comic is a lot of work so the most important thing is that hte process is fun for me. i really hate granular planning and itd just slow me down a ton so the process is really just vibes from point a to point b. hope this somewhat answers your question

i talk about my general approach to comic composition in my big composition writeup too, which is pinned, if thats something youre interested in.

[soft-boi-eli]

okay I literally just made this acc bc there's no anon requests and I have an idea that I asked someone else but they turned it down and I'm lowkey embarrassed that they denied my request. I PINKY PROMISE ITS NOT BAD, HERE ME OUT

do you think you can write a lil bit about schlatt ending up having to "babysit" the reader (even though she's dead ass 18 lmaoo) because her parents are strict and don't trust her and they think Schlatt is a good influence because his parents are "🇺🇲🍟🐟🐷" but he's genuinely nice and respectful of other peoples views and opinions (unlike his other family). Basically Schlatt was like "aww hell yeah we're gonna play video games until 4am and watch action movies and be homies there's no parents stopping us" but the reader gets her period and she's just like laying around in misery and schlatt literally doesn't know what to do (bc yk periods are supposed to be a secret shhh) so he looks up what to do when girls get their period so while she's sleeping he just goes out and buys a bunch of stuff for her and its just fluffy (DONT FORGET PLATONIC) and the reader wakes up to all this stuff and its just 🥰 anyways she ends up falling asleep while watching Schlatt play COD.

(the reader is afab and uses she/her pronouns)

This is amazing. I have one other request but I am going to hop right on this one. Also sorry about the anon thing. I'm still newish to tumblr and I have no clue on how to turn it on. I've been trying to but i seriously cant find it. 😭

If this takes a bit I do apologize sincerely.

Pronouns:she/her

Warnings:periods cursing, strict parents.

Schaltt with an AFAB bff reader that he 'babysits'

Your parents. Thay dont know when to let you go.

Teaching you everything about females are supposed to be like this or that. Periods arent supposed to be talked about. They were the strict, bible Americans.

The best way to put it. Periods meant sin. And you were supposed to hide it. You were 18 in their eyes you're still a child. A child that worked 2 jobs just to hopefully live away from them.

But there was that rare day where you had it off from both jobs and could just relax.

That was until you heard there was someone coming to babysit you. You're a perfectly capable 18 year old. Not a toddler.

Yet your parents didn't trust you. You have a bed time of 10pm. And they got a baby sitter just for that.

He was there on time. And he looked you up and down in confusion. "This is who I'm babysitting right?" He looked the same age as you. "Alright. There will be no problem. They'll be in bed by 10pm. They'll have dinner at 6PM. And shower at 8pm." Your parents nodded in agreement and he watched them walk off. Shutting the door he looked at you. "Yeah. No. You are a grown woman and I'm not going to force you to do that. Also you're not paying me. You like call of duty? Action movies?" Perking up you nodded. "Yeah!"

He smirked. "Yeah. You up for a long night of movies and games?"

That day bloomed a friendship. The fourth time he came over you two were like best friends.

But the fifth time you seemed like you were dying. Laying around. Not wanting to play games. Not wanting to watch movies.

He was so concerned about you. Like deadass he thought you were dead his parents never saw the importantace of him learning what a period.

When you said the word period he was confused he searched it up and felt dread. You went through what every momth?! You can have so many symptoms yet nothing to help it?! What the fuck!

"Bro you want anything? Need anything?" You looked at him. He looked so concerned for you. "Heating pack. Dark chocolate. Please." He was quick to nod and start the heating pack.

Looking around the kitchen he couldnt find any dark chocolate and there was a store across the street. "You want strawberry ice cream and dark chocolate?"

The quite yeah was heard and he was off and back the heating pack fully heated and the ice cream that perfect texture. And a huge ass bar of dark chocolate. Along with a huge gallon of three flavored ice cream.

You know the neapolitan shit. You were so confused.

"Movie marathon or watching me play COD?" you thought for a sec. "COD." he nodded and sat next to you.

As you ate the sweet strawberry cream with frozen strawberries. Turns out he was preparing for when you finished you ice cream with the gallon.

When he saw you pint empty and you getting slightly sad he paused the game. In the middle of the campaign. And got you a huge ass bowl of the three ice creams.

You had never seemed so happy. Half way through the bowl you rested your head on his lap. You just wanted to sleep now and that's what you did.

You didnt know that schaltt left once more. Buying popcorn, your favorite candy, he felt embarrassed about this but he took a picture of the pads you use, like brand, size and everything. Got you quiet a few packs of them to be safe. Chips, chicken nuggets, even stuff to make your favorite meal by scratch. Stumbling into the stuffed animal aisle he scarned the shelves.

Finding a huge one with a zipper in it you had mentioned your parents have been trying to take your money and you could technically hide it in there.

Checking out the cashier gave him a weird look. But he didnt give two shits, he literally carried it back to your place. No car to help. He took that mile long walk with the bags and got back right before you woke up. Pads in the bathroom everything set up so it was easy access. And the stuffed snorlax was huge.

Like a fuckin bed huge.

He didnt wake you. Just started up his game again.

When you did wake up you were covered in a blanket, snacks set out in a nice array of candy to chips.

Four drinks. Two waters and one coke with the other being your favorite kind of soda.

Then the heavenly scent that came from the kitchen. And before you could even get up to see what it was schaltt came out two (bowls/plates) of your favourite food.

"You didnt have to do this." He shook his head. "I wanted to. You're in pain and all that shit. You need to relax, keep hydrated, stay warm. All of it. And I might as well take care of my best friend."

I have finished. I do apologize if this isnt fully what you wanted!! And the other person was quite mean. I dont reject unless I fully explain it and tell them gently.

But I hope this is good. I have been quite busy as of late due to it being the first and all.

But yeah. Nearly died today and all. Roller coasters, indeed fun, but sometimes unsafe.

It's all good though had lots of fun at a fair, keeping safe with covid and all, I even got a shiny rock I am very happy.

Anyways have a good day!!

[negandarylsatisfaction]

[SUMMARY: Negans wives become jealous after he begins to like the new woman who has joined the sanctuary. Taking advantage of her innocence and English not being her main language, the girls plot against her, making Negan go back on one of his own rules.]

Got Negan speaking some spanish.

Smut

Negan and Valentina. PART ONE

"My oh my..." Negan squinted his eyes at the sight of you across the room from him. Not paying attention to who was watching you, you continued organizing cans of fruit as you were told to do that day.

"Is that the new chick you bought here this morning?" Negan looked over at Simon beside him.

"Yeah, I put her on supply duty. Her english isnt so good but she moves quick."

Negan looked back at you, your caramel complexion and long wavy hair catching his attention.

"And why the hell have I not been introduced to her?" Negan responded with a raised brow.

"You're the one who said not to bother you if I found people I felt could fit in here. Trust my judgement, dont you?" Simon asked Negan noticing he wouldnt take his eyes off you.

"Of course I do. I also trust you to tell me when a fine piece of ass joins us, she might want to join the others," he explained referring to his wives. His response causing Simon to shake his head.

"Ehh...shes a little different from the other ones buddy. That's why I didnt mention her."

"Different? How?" Negan asked with interest as he turned to Simon.

"Shes a quiet one."

"The quietest ones are the freakiest," Negan grinned as he chewed on a toothpick.

"What's her name?"

"Valentina," Simon answered crossing his arms. Negan slid the toothpick around his mouth with his tongue before pulling it out and flicking it to the side.

"I'll be right back," Simon watched as Negan made his way to you knowing exactly what he would try to do.

"Excuse me, Miss Valentina is it?" Negan spoke in a charming voice as you continued organizing the cans straight in a box.

"Shit, I dont think I've been properly introduced to you. I do run this place so I should know everyone here, shouldn't I?" Immeditaly you stopped what you were doing and looked up at him with a look of embarrassment.

"I did not know this was your place. My apologies." Negan frowned at you not expecting your politeness or being so attracted to the sound of your accent.

"No need for an apology, darling. Im Negan and it is my upmost pleasure to meet you." Negan spoke charismatically as he slowly checked out what was before him from head to toe. The look of innocence pulled Negan more towards you. Smiling at him you shyly crossed your arms not knowing what else to say.

"How about I give you a tour of my Sanctuary."

"A tour?" You answered with a puzzled expression.

"What's that?" You asked, not knowing too much English there was many words you did not understand.

"A tour, when someone shows you around. Shit, I'll be your personal host. What do you say, honey?"

"Oh, I guess. Yes." Your response exciting Negan.

Negan showed you the men at work, he showed you where everyone got together to eat and then he left his wives for last. He led you into a room with four women. Slightly confused by how they were dressed and how their faces changed when they saw Negan, you did not say a word.

"Dont be shy, sweetheart." Feeling his hand on your lower back as he gently pushed you close inside you smiled nervously.

"These women here are my dear, dear wives." Negan looked back at you to see your reaction. With a frown you looked at each of them as they stared back at you.

"Wives? All of them? I dont understand."

"Mmmhm." Negan bit his bottom lip with a smile.

"These women get special access to many things here at the Sanctuary and all they have to do is be my wife."

Negan explaining to you the rule did not notice the way one of his wives Sara, was looking at you. Right away you began to feel uncomfortable that this man had all these women, you were not sure if he was trying to come on to you with the offer.

"That is um....very nice-" you struggled to find the right words as you took a step back.

"I should get back to my work," Negan fully turned to you with your response.

"See that's the best part," he spoke in a matter of fact tone.

"As my wife you dont have to do any of that work, sweetheart." Standing still, you observed the way he looked at you. Clearly, he was attracted to you.

"In my country...we work for our needs. We work hard...nothing is for free."

"Hm," Negan responded as he looked down at you. He respected your way of thinking, if anything it made him more interested.

"I cant argue with that, darling." Negan winked at you as he stood beside you. The women watched the way he placed his hand on your lower back once again as he led you out of the room. You were the first woman to deny Negans offer but they saw the way he looked at you. They could tell he liked you and they didnt want to share Negan with anyone else.

The next few days you continued to work with the supplies as you had planned. Negan watched as you helped around with the kids, he thought you were a very sweet woman. He thought you had a softer touch than the others. Today you took a different task and helped with the cooking, you didnt notice how much Negan had his eyes on you. The man was captivated by your beauty. As you cut up the vegetables in the kitchen, Negan quietly entered. Humming to yourself, he entered the room and took it upon himself to stand beside you.

"Mind if I keep you company, sweetheart?"

"If that's what you like," your accent making him smirk. Negan leaned against the counter with his arms crossed, an amused expression on his face.

"What?" You looked up at him confused.

"Nothing...its just the way you speak."

His response making you frown, you weren't sure to be offended or not.

"What's wrong with the way I speak?"

Negan chuckled as he stepped closer to you.

"Oh...absolutely, nothing. I actually find it kind of..sexy." He answered with a grin making you look away shyly.

"I know men like you." Negan frowned as you responded with a soft voice.

"Men like me? What's that suppose to mean?"

"Que se-" you cut yourself off not meaning to respond in spanish.

"I mean-"

"Woah woah woah. What was that?" Negan leaned in closer to you.

"Were you about to just tell me off in Spanish?" He asked with half a smile, he couldn't deny it. The sound of you losing your patience in your first language aroused him.

"Please....go on," Negan teased.

"What I was going to say..was that-"

"In spanish, Valentina," the sound in his voice sounding like an order.

"Te gusta coquetear. You like to flirt...you chase after many women...womanizer."

"Mmmmm..." Negan bit his bottom lip and shook his body liking the sound of you talking in your language before he took another step closer.

"Well just for your information, Valentina. I dont chase after women, I flirt. But I cant help when a woman catches my eye like no other has..." His husky voice making you look up at him staring directly down at you.

"And I have to admit, you've really caught my eye." You could feel your cheeks begin to blush before turning away shyly.

"I better finish cooking." Nervously you responded continuing to chop up the vegetables as Negan remained beside you. Feeling his eyes heavily on you, you began to cut faster when suddenly you sliced your finger.

"Ow!" Negan turned serious at the sound of your scream.

"Shit." He instantly took hold of your hand taking a close look at your cut.

"I'm fine, I just-"

"Come here." Negan took you by your wrist to the table and sat you down across from him.

"Its nothing, Negan-"

"You cut yourself pretty fucking deep." Negan pulled out a small bottle of whiskey from his pocket and opened it with his mouth before quickly pouring some on your wound. You gasped trying to pull your hand back but he held you tightly.

"Easy, honey." Negan blew lightly on your wound as he looked at you and relieved the burning sensation.

"Better? Or am I going to get told off again in spanish?" Negan teased making you playfully scowl at him.

"Let me see this." Negan grabbed a cloth and patted it dry. Quietly you watched how gently he moved, how softly he touched your fingers. You had to admit, you were surprised to see a man like him move so lightly with his hands. He seemed so concerned with your wound. Sara, one of his wives unexpectedly walked in catching your hand in his as he treated you. Quickly you pulled away and stood up noticing the irritated look in her eyes.

"Sara, you need something?" Negan turned to her as she changed the expression on her face.

"No, we were just looking for you. All of us have been looking for you." Sara responded as you turned away wrapping your finger in a bandage.

"Alright. I'll be right there. You can go." Sara not liking his response turned and left the room as Negan stood up and walked towards you.

"You always carry a bottle of that stuff on you?" You asked with your back to him.

"Some times, never know when a pretty lady might accidentally wound herself." He teased making you laugh.

"I'm not so bad after all, am I?" His voice made you smile as you tied your finger up.

"You're still a womanizer," you responded playfully.

"Till one catches my eye." Negans tone wasnt as playful as yours, he meant what he said. Not knowing what to respond to that you changed the subject.

"Well thank you, even though it burned," you laughed as he stood behind you.

"I would've finished taking care of it if you didnt get up and run away so fast."

"Its okay, you're a busy man. Your wives are waiting."

"Let them wait." Negan responded not knowing Sara was hearing eveything behind the door. Never had Negan neglected his time with his wives before and they did not like this.

"I got it. Let me finish cooking, I'll see you around." You turned to him with a smile before continuing to make dinner.

Sara had already been complaining to the other women on how much attention Negan had been giving you. Not realizing just how much these women were growing to despise you, you went about your days not thinking of them. Negan on the other hand bought a smile to your lips everytime he came to mind. Everyday he took time out of his day to have some conversation with you. You would always catch him staring at you from afar, it made your heart flutter. He respected the fact that you didnt want to be one of his wives, that you werent like the others but that's what seemed to make him like you more. A couple days later you found yourself back on supply duty. Negan stood by the door as you marked off the number of each item on your clipboard.

"Everything going good?" The sound of his voice instantly make your heart skip a beat. Turning to him with a sweet smile he walked towards you.

"Yes, everything is great."

"Let me take a look at what you've got going on here." Negan stood right behind you looking over your shoulder as he read over what you had written down. The feel of his body so close behind you made your breathing begin to grow unsteady.

"Shit, this looks about right." He murmured behind you. Negan took a peak at the sight of your cleavage watching your chest rise and fall quickly, he could tell you were nervous with him standing so close.

"So, is good?" You questioned him before swallowing nervously.

"Valentina, tell me...how do I say 'very good' in spanish?" He asked close to you.

"Um..its muy bien," Negan licked his lips at the sound of your voice.

"Muy bien," Negans deep voice sent shivers down your spine, you had to admit he sounded smooth.

"Did that sound good?" He asked slowly, it was hard not to show how much you liked it.

"Mhm," Negan grinned behind you hearing the nervous excitement in your tone.

"How about..beautiful?" You suddenly felt Negans hand gently take hold of your waist making you softly gasp.

"Negan.."

"Say it." Taking a deep breath you hesitantly responded.

"Hermosa."

"Hermosa," he whispered behind your ear seductively, you could tell he was trying to turn you on and it was working until you remembered his wives.

"Negan-" you spoke breathlessly finally turning to face him.

"What are you doing? You know how I feel-"

"No I dont. Tell me again," his eyes were intense, he was turned on just as much, if not more than you were. His hands pulled you close against him as you looked up at him hesitantly.

"I'm not one of your wives...that's not who I am..we cant..-" you spoke but your eyes did not follow. He could tell how weak you were, how close you were to giving in to him. He leaned his forehead on yours, making you feel his breath touch your lips.

"Negan....I dont like being with someone who has...who has others."

"I havent touched them since we met," Negan spoke hoarsley. And it was true, the man couldnt bring himself to be sexually aroused by them with how much he thought of you since he met you. You found it hard to believe but it was true. Finally you both closed your eyes and let each others lips press against each other. Negan groaned with his mouth on yours, for so long he had been wanting to taste you. Not as one of his wives, not as just another woman he wanted but a woman he longed for. His lips trailed down the side of your jaw onto your neck as he sucked on it making you moan. Lost in the passion neither of you heard someone enter the room, that someone being Sara.

"Negan," her demanding voice making you jump back turning away from him as you fixed your hair.

"God dammit, what did I tell you about interrupting me?" He yelled at her in frustration.

"I'm sorry, I'll go." Embarrassed and angry, not expecting him to react this way, she left the room as Negan followed to where you moved.

"Now...where were we?" He pulled you against him making you put your hand to his chest to stop him.

"Negan no, I'm sorry. Those girls dont like me-"

"You think I give a shit?"

"Its not just that, I dont do this like this. I'm not one of them." You struggled to explain to the best of your ability in english. Negan felt frustration run through him, so turned on he could burst knowing he was so close to having you. So close until someone barged in and interrupted the moment. Negans breathing was heavy, you could tell how much he wanted you.

"Dont let her ruin what was happening between us."

"Its not her-"

"Then what the fuck is it?!" He suddenly yelled making you back away.

"You dont yell at me! Quien crees que eres!?" Negan raised his brows, a sudden smirk slowly forming on his face.

"So that's what it takes for you to talk to me like that huh? And what exactly did you just say?" Negan stepped closer as you crossed your arms holding the clipboard against you.

"Not that it matters because either way you sound so sexy..." Negan couldnt hide his arrogant and flirtatious side.

"Who do you think you are?" You repeated so he could understand.

"Thinking because you are the leader of this place you can yell at me or fuck me when you want-"

"Oh baby, talking dirty to me now?" Negan was amused by your reaction, his response only irritating you more.

"Alright, alright. I'm sorry." Negan finally gave in, as much as he liked the sound of you speaking in Spanish, he didnt like you being angry with him. As this whole time, you had never become angry with him.

"But if you must know, that's not the way I think, doll. I actually fucking like you." He admitted making you blush.

"Do I wanna fuck you? Of course I do, cant you see how fucking hard you have me? I can't lie about that but, I also fucking like you. Do you see me making any god damn time for my wives? Why do you think they constantly come looking for me when I'm with you?" Negan had a point, either way at that moment you didnt want to speak about it any longer.

"I think I should continue with my work, I'll talk to you later." Turning your back to him you continued to count over the items, Negan walked out in frustration cursing at himself.

Sara angrily ran to the other women and told them what she had just witnessed.

"So that's why hes barely been with us this past month, hes been with that broad," one wife complained.

"Hes never done this before when other women arrived, what makes that chick so special?" Another complained with frustration.

"I dont know but we've got to think of something to get rid of her. She needs to go." Sara responded when suddenly Negan pushed the door open.

"Sara, can I see you for a moment." Negan called out for her making her smile, not realizing Negan was in anything but a good mood.

"Yes, Negan," she responded happily as she closed the door behind her and faced him.

"Do me a favor dont fucking look for me unless I look for you. Dont ask of me, dont call for me, forget I'm fucking here. Understood?"

Sara's jaw dropped not expecting him to ever act this way with her.

"Y-yes. Sure." Angrily he walked off, only confirming the thought in her head that you indeed had to go.

Sara and the women had planned on introducing themselves to you, as they had never spoken to you themselves. As you finished organizing the supply room and locked the door shut you turned to find Negans wives standing outside the door.

"Um hi," nervously you smiled at them as you felt strongly that they disliked you.

"Hi, Valentina right?"

"Yes."

"My name is Sara, this is Susan, Sherry and Lisa."

"Hi, its very nice to meet you." You werent able to look Sara in the eye knowing she had just seen you and Negan together...kissing.

"I know, we havent really met..but why not right?" All the girls laughed simultaneously as you smiled awkwardly.

"We wanted to ask if you'd like to join us for dinner?"

"I-um sure," being completely caught off guard you weren't sure what to say. The girls happily walked with you to the kitchen and you sat with them quietly.

"Look Sara, about what you saw-"

"What about it?" Sara responded playfully.

"We've all been there with him, now it's your turn. Dont feel bad." She laughed as you felt a kick to your gut. You knew Negan had many wives and fooled around with everyone but you still didnt like hearing it.

"He did that with all of us, whenever one of us were new, we were his main priority for a certain time." She lied through her teeth, she knew none of them ever got personal treatment this way. She saw the disappointment in your eyes.

"Oh. I understand." Your expression quickly changing, the girls could tell you liked Negan and was hurt by what you heard.

Their plan of pretending to be nice to you to gain trust was working, the things they told you of Negan made you never want to speak to him. You felt like a fool falling for his words, how could you be so dumb? The man had so many wives and you for some reason thought you were special? Walking outside with them after dinner instantly caught Negans attention. He frowned and squinted his eyes from where he was watching you speak to his wives. Negan had a funny feeling about this and didnt like the sight of it.

"Oh shit, hes coming," you heard one of the girls whisper when Negan suddenly showed up before all of you, his eyes directly on you.

"Ladies."

"Hi, Negan," they all spoke together while you stayed silent making him step up to you.

"I dont get a hello, Valentina?"

"Negan," you muttered low making him look at the other women strangely.

"Valentina....I'd like to have a talk with you. Alone."

"I'd rather not."

"I didnt ask," he shot back making you look up at him. Looking back at his wives as Negan walked ahead, you could tell they were annoyed but, what could you do. Quietly you followed Negan far from where his wives stood before he turned to you with a very serious look.

"I dont want you talking to them."

"Why not?"

"Cause I said so. I dont trust it," you scoffed rolling your eyes.

"What dont you trust? That they're making me see you for who you really are?"

Negan frowned stairing down at you, his eyes looking directly into yours.

"What are they telling you about me?" He spoke low leaning his face close to yours.

Before you could respond Sara suddenly appeared besides both of you.

"Negan I have to tell you something."

"God dammit Sara, havent you learned-"

"I'm pregnant," you gasped at her words. A heart sinking feeling as you felt a knot in your throat. Sara was desperate to push you away in any way she could.

"Excuse me?" Negan looked at her puzzled as he walked towards her slowly.

"I-I should go." You began to walk away before Negan reached back and grabbed your arm without turning back to you.

"No Valentina. Stay right here. Now, what the fuck did you say, Sara?"

"I'm- I'm pregnant, Negan."

"Bullshit," he responded coldly.

"What the fuck do you think you're trying to do?" He spoke with a low angry voice, he knew exactly what Sara was up to and he wasnt going to let it happen.

"Its true, I am."

"I havent touched you in over a month."

"Did you forget that time in the supply closet?" She asked with wicked eyes, you looked away in shock, feeling disgust.

"Oh you want to play that fucking game with me?" Negan yelled at Sara charging towards her as she stared up at him boldly.

"Go back to the fucking room. Get the hell out of my face." Sara looked over at you in disapproval before storming off back inside. Negan turned back to find you with glossy eyes, he could tell you were attempting to hold back tears.

"Valentina-"

"I should've known. I knew you was a womanizer, a man with many-many wives." You struggled to express yourself properly.

"Val, shes lying. I havent touched her since I met you. I didnt want to."

"My name is Valentina," you snapped at him with your accent emphasizing on your name.

"And it doesnt matter, we are not you know...um a couple or whatever-"

"We can be."

"I dont want to be one of your wives!"

"I dont want you as one of them god dammit, I dont even want them!" Negan yelled making you silent. You didnt know what to believe with everything they had told you.

"I just want to go to my room." You responded in a calm manner as you looked away.

"Then go," Negan walked off angrily that you wouldnt believe him, angry that he ever lived the way he did at all. Quietly you went off to your room just wanting to cool off. Negan headed to where the wives were to discipline them and happened to walk into the hallway hearing them talk their next plan out.

"We have to get rid of her, hes not giving up on her and shes-"

"Shes not going to leave, she has nowhere to go, " Sherry responded.

"And Negan sure as hell wont make her leave. We're stuck with her."

"Unless......unless we do something to her." Sara suggested as Negan over heard with a straight face.

"What do you mean do something to her? Like hurt her?" Susan asked in excitement.

"Yeah, I mean, Negan wont know. He can just think it's an accident." Negan pressed his lips together angrily at the thought of anyone hurting you.

"What do you girls say?" Sara asked looking at all of them eager for a response. It didnt take long for them all to agree. Negan had a rule to never hurt women, but hearing them even think of hurting you made him want to bend some rules.

"We'll just get her one day while Negans out of the sanctuary. Trick her into being alone with us-" The women suddenly gasped at the sound of Negan entering the room.

"Negan, we weren't expecting you," Sara laughed nervously hoping he hadn't heard anything.

"Oh, I know that," Negan responded sarcastically as he stood before them.

"I needed to have a talk with you ladies. Now you ladies know what one of my number one rules are, dont you?"

"Yeah, to not do any harm to women." Lisa responded confidently.

"Exactly, now what are some things I hate?" Negan stepped closer in a very slow manner.

"Lies," responded one wife.

"Being crossed," responded another as Negan slowly pulled out his gun.

"Exactly! Now do you ladies know what this is?" They watched as he placed a silencer on his gun before pointing it at a random space.

"Is that a-" before Sherry could finish he pointed the gun at Lisa and shot her dead making all of them scream.

"So I heard from a little bird that you guys had a plan." Negan pointed again and shot Sherry.

"Shit-" Sara muttered in fear in shock at the cold blooded action Negan was taking.

Quietly you sat on your bed not being able to stop thinking about Negan. Were you actually starting to have feelings for this man? Maybe you should've let him really express himself to you, you knew those women didnt like you after all. With a sigh you stood up and decided to go find Negan and really have a one on one conversation with him.

Negan had by now shot down everyone besides Sara, terrified she put her hands up as Negan walked towards her.

"You thought you could cross me and get away with it?" Negan smirked as she shook her head.

"I...I apologize. I p-p-promise I wont-"

"A little to late for that dont you think?"

Walking towards the main room you could see the door cracked so you knew he was in there. Just as you reached the door you slowly opened it to a sight you would never forget.

"Ne-" you gasped just as Negan pulled the trigger and shot Sara through the head. You let out a scream covering your mouth in shock, Negan turned to you as you observed what was before you.

"Valentina," the look of complete terror in your eyes you couldnt believe what you saw. Visibly shaking, your eyes fell on him then back to his gun still in his hand. Quickly putting it away he took a step forward making you scream taking a step back. Negan could tell he had just instilled fear into you, fear of him.

"Valentina, sweetheart.. I can explain."

Not saying a word as you struggled to breathe you slowly took another step back before making a quick run for it.

"Valentina!" Negan yelled running after you catching you from behind in the middle of the hallway. You screamed as he covered your mouth and held you against him not letting you go.

"I'm not gonna hurt you!" He yelled as you cried trying to get away from him before he pulled you down on the floor against him.

"Shh, listen to me," his hand still over your mouth as he held your arms down around you.

"I had to do it," Negan whispered in your ear out of breath. He could feel you trembling against him, he hated knowing he made you feel this way.

"You think I wanted to do that? You know I dont hurt women but...those women wanted to hurt you. And I wasnt going to fucking allow that." You cried trying to push his hands away, you didnt believe him.

"I know you're scared but you have to trust me dammit!" Negan having more strength than you exhausted you, finally you gave up out of breath against him. Feeling you relax in his arms he slowly dropped his hand away from your mouth. Hesitantly you looked back at him in a way you had never looked at him before.

"No.. don't do that." He whispered looking down at you.

"Dont look at me like I'm a damn monster," you couldnt help noticing the blood splatter on the bottom side of Negans face before looking back into his eyes.

"You killed those women..." you spoke in a shaky voice.

"You werent suppose to see that."

Shaking your head in disbelief you kept picturing all four of their bodies laying dead on the floor. You couldnt believe the same man so gentle with your wound could do so much damage. You had no idea the kinds of things Negan had done.

"No....I-this isnt right.." you slowly began to push yourself away before quickly standing up and rushing off. Just wanting to get away from him you ran into a random room not realizing it was his bedroom. Before you could rush back out Negan entered and locked the door behind him.

"Now you're gonna hear me."

"Negan, please I want to go. Please." You began to cry as he walked towards you with deeply knitted brows.

"You think I'm gonna hurt you?" You couldnt look him in the eye as he stood inches away from you.

"Those women wanted you dead which is why they're dead and you think I'd fucking hurt you?" Slowly blinking through your tears you looked up at him hesitantly.

"Dead?" You whispered confused.

"Yes they wanted you dead and they were going to hurt you the next time I wasnt around and I would've killed them then too." Looking down you noticed the view of his gun, instantly making you uncomfortable. Negan followed your eyes and could tell it made you feel unsafe.

"You want me to put it away, then will you fucking listen to me?"

Without you saying a word he slowly pulled it out of his pocket and hid it in a drawer beside him.

"Why?" You suddenly asked looking up at him innocently.

"Why what?"

"Why for me...you do this? I dont understand I-"

"I thought I made myself clear about that, sweetheart." Negan slowly stepped closer to you not wanting to frighten you.

"I cant help when a woman catches my eye and I haven't had a woman catch my eye in a long fucking time."

Got cut off with this post, I'll post part 2 in a bit!

[borderlinebastard]

THE "FUCK IT I'M NOT COOKING" MASTER SHOPPING LIST

(I found this list on reddit by user phoeenixx, the original post/account has been deleted but I found the post through an archive. Post has been edited for accessability)

Cost of everything: £47.09 /$65.30

Cost of fresh food buy every week: £27.70/$38.40 (Price will change depending on how much you eat, and how good at hunting bargains you are).

PANTRY/STAPLES: - an 8 pack of tortillas/wraps - margarine - mayonnaise - condiments you like (sriracha, chutney, whatever) - salt and pepper - a breakfast cereal you like (this doesn't have to be healthy, everything else here is, so it'll balance out) OR a loaf of bread if you're a toast person - balsamic vinegar - olive oil - honey in a squeeze bottle - dried mint leaves (from the spices section)

MEATS AND DAIRY - 10 small cans of tuna/salmon in whatever flavours sound good - a cooked chicken from the deli - some ham/salami/turkey/whatever sandwich meats you like - a litre of long life milk (it's so easy to waste milk, so just buy long life and open it when you're actually gonna use it) - a 300g-500g tub of natural/vanilla yogurt - a small block of feta cheese - some sliced tasty cheese

FRUIT & VEG

Salad mix (depression's best friend) OR

Spinach

Iceberg lettuce

Carrot (Quick recipe: grate the carrot and mix it with the leaves)

A couple of lemons (the juice keeps stuff fresh)

frozen mixed berries

Fresh green beans

THE "FUCKING WHATEVER" LUNCH/DINNER WRAP / Tortilla Salad (approx 3 minutes)

So, this baby is super versatile, it can be lunch or dinner, and you can have it as many times in the week as you have tortillas in the pantry.

A tortilla

some mayonnaise

a metric fuckton of salad mix

your additional condiment of choice. Don't be shy. Heap it on. It's a condiment, it's not gonna break the bank. Just make that salad not taste like salad.

A generous amount of whatever lunch meat you've got. Again. We're drowning out the taste of salad here.

some slices of tasty cheese.

wrap that fucker and eat it.

THE "TURNS OUT THESE CANNED TUNA FLAVOURS ARE ALRIGHT" SALAD THING / Fish salad (approx 2 minutes)

I'm not a big fish person myself but I can do canned tuna and salmon. This can also go in a wrap if you want something more substantial.

a cereal bowl's worth of salad mix

a can or two of tuna/salmon

mix it up (the flavour from the can becomes dressing for the leaves and boom! You can't taste them anymore)

add some salt, pepper and mayo if you want

that's it. That's the whole meal.

THE CHICKEN, FETA AND "I DIDNT KNOW YOU COULD EAT GREEN BEANS RAW AND ITS SO MUCH BETTER THAN SOGGY STEAMED BULLSHIT" BEAN SALAD / Chicken, feta, bean salad (approx 5-10 minutes)

chop up some chicken from the cooked deli chicken you bought (like, a breast's worth?)

also chop up some feta cheese (if you're like me, you'll have a finger's worth of cheese, but just go to taste)

chop the ends off a handful of beans and chop them in half

throw all this bullshit in a bowl

sprinkle some mint leaves, salt and pepper

drizzle this baby in two teaspoons of balsamic vinegar and one of olive oil

there you go. That's a whole, healthy meal. Two meals if you eat like a bird like I do.

THE "MAN I WANT ICE CREAM RIGHT NOW BUT LUCKILY I THOUGHT AHEAD AND BOUGHT YOGHURT" DESSERT WITH "WOW I DIDN'T REALISE BERRIES AREN'T SHIT TO EAT" FROZEN BERRIES / Yogurt with frozen berries

spoon yourself a bowl of yogurt

dump a bunch of frozen berries straight on top

sweeten with honey

there's dessert.

THE "MAN I WANT ICE CREAM THAT'S NOT BERRIES AND HONEY FLAVOUR" / Misc Yogurt notes

dude just get a bowl of yogurt

and fuckin put whatever you want in there

like, you can mix some cocoa through and bam. Chocolate flavour. A spoon of instant coffee and the tiniest splash of water in a glass? Mix that into your yoghurt. Bam. Coffee flavour. Yogurt is your friend. Eat yogurt. It's waaaay better for you than ice cream. And it's cheaper too.

so there you go, severely depressed folks. you don't even have to cook to eat cheap and healthy. i didn't make a breakfast recipe, just have cereal, or make one of these other meals for breakfast. but most importantly, try to eat every meal, and sneak as much fruit and veg into your meals as you can tolerate. your body and mind will thank you. i hope this has been helpful.

and while i'm here, don't be afraid to get help. i thought i was fine and able to tough it out until i nearly died, and realised i didn't care if i did. in the moment, i was bitter that i didn't die. so instead of letting myself stay suicidal i went and got help and i'm okay now. still not perfect. but hey, just "okay" is better than dead, no matter how tempting death can be. it's easier to get back to "okay" than it seems. much love.

[robertdowneyjjr]

Thank you for your answer to the qu about indio/rdj! It was really nice reading a more positive explanation, honestly. I think the reason it stands out is because its not an isolated incident, like if you read interviews from 2012 onwards, you’ll notice he starts using the singular term ‘kid’ eventho he has 2 and indio was only 18 so its very confusing and thats the case in majority of articles. Also like I said those freudian slips infront of the camera where he’s literally forgotten about his existance and realised and then had to backtrack and correct himself? Not a good look tbh. That being said I dont think he does it maliciously? He just needs to think more because he does it A LOT and i know other people have noticed and commented on it too. I mean the 2014 birthday post thing was just straight up not good and he’s a very emotionally intelligent man so that was definitely a choice. With the dolittle award speech, it was for kca, I would agree w you but the way he specifically said susans name and then exton and avri with little sentences for each is what made it odd. Not to mention he’s never mentioned indio in any of his award speeches and yeah he’s older now but rdj has won numerous awards since he was born but now he’s always mentioning his new kids? Like why such a drastic difference you know? There’s just too many instances so I dont think its the biggest reach but we dont know what their real life is like. It’s just sad to see because its quite obvious that indio has always gotten the shortest end of the stick :( and obv rdj is busy, he’s always away filming or going places and when he isnt, he spends most of the time in his hampton’s place so logistically I dont think they see eachother much — and i say this because i was just thinking about how he’s essentially an only child and his mother isnt doing very well health wise, so yk rdj is basc the only person he really has. I want to think that im exaggerating but honestly i could make a whole book out of the times rdj has acted/insinuated like he only has 2 kids, when age wasnt even relevant. Like even their christmas card from a few years ago, I dont really understand why he didnt include his own son? He wasnt even that old, he had just turned 21 and thats irrelevant anyway, just so odd.... Wow this wasnt meant to be this long, apologies for dragging on and going off on a tangent, i know you dont care too much about this stuff but i really did enjoy reading your opinion! Also idk if what im trying is clear so a small example that isnt very deep is him saying ‘I am married, I have a kid, I have a real life without cameras.’ - from his interview with Times Magazine, Indio was 19 and Exton 1 - ‘A kid’ ? 🥴 like I said not too deep but still weird? Age is not of relevance here, your kid is your kid esp when youre speaking about it the way he is and he basc does this 90% of the time which is why I question it - sorry if ive repeated things again, just wanted to explain my thinking better :)

hmm okay. honestly, i really won’t be giving this much more thought because at the end of the day, it’s really not our business and like i said before, we don’t know what their relationship is and we can’t judge it just from the few social posts and publicly accessible video clips that are available.

it wouldn’t do anyone any good to overanalyze this. i’m generally a glass half full kind of person and i don’t think indio is being overlooked by his parents. robert was extremely supportive of him throughout his trial. he supports his son’s music career which is obviously one of the most important things in indio’s life right now. jimmy (rip angel), who was robert’s right hand man and was basically with him almost every day, was extremely close to indio. davy and travis, who also work closely with robert, also know indio well and interact with him regularly on socials. i just don’t think, if robert and indio had a poor relationship, that his inner circle would be close to indio. but they are, and their obvious connection is robert. for me, by all accounts, i believe he’s being as good a father as he can be for indio.

again, there is a lot we don’t know and we can’t just assume one thing or another just because we get a glimpse into 2% of their lives. we don’t know them personally. we don’t know their family dynamics. we can’t just project and fill in the gaps (and there are a lot of gaps here) when we don’t have all the information, nor is it any of our business, to be honest.

[ranboo-lorekeeper]

DSMP Lore Summary - Jan. 5 2021 (the Festival) pt. 3

vod here (start is timestamped) 

festival pt 1 and pt 2

someone please remind me to never do multi part summaries again. i regret this so much. anyway here’s the final part of the festival, finally. i’m probably not gonna keep going in order from here, since i took one look at the three-hour-long doomsday vod and went Nope, so we’ll see what happens

under the cut as usual!

-while everyone is separating, ranboo makes a beeline for l’manberg -everyone else is acting normally, he’s completely silent and walking without sprinting in straight lines -hbomb asks if he needs to talk. ranboo pauses only to reply “no” then goes right back to walking -he leaves the call right on l’manberg’s borders -”we’re screwed.” -he’s mostly hopeless, shooting down his own optimism -”no one’s right! no one - everyone is wrong! everyone... i’m also wrong!” -back to optimism + reassurance -”they just care about their builds that took them so long instead of the friendships that took even longer.” -figures that the closest thing he has to friends is techno and phil, but he’s alone -still doesn’t know how dream got the book because he never put it down

-enters the panic room. -”how did he get it? did it have something to do with me waking up here?” -believes tubbo has abandoned him because of the memory book’s contents -”the way that [tubbo] looked at me, i’m never gonna be able to get that out of my head...” -starts playing mellohi, confused on how nobody agreed with his speech from earlier -stops his own spiral and takes mellohi out of the jukebox -starts getting upset at himself for saying what he thought instead of bottling it up like usual -frantically pacing the panic room -”...how do you choose people if everyone’s against you?”

-dream’s voice. “hello?” -ranboo questions him over taking the memory book -dream’s discord breaks. ranboo breaks character to laugh at it -”nooooo..... the discord breaking.... wait let’s just be angsty” [puts mellohi back in] -dream gets back, he stops mellohi -ranboo asks why give them home, dream calls it “fun” and “just a game” -he asks if he did the wrong thing and dream tells him he did -”you unintentionally chose a side by not choosing a side.” “what do you mean?” “well. the side of a traitor.” “no... i didn’t betray anyone.” “you betrayed everyone.” -dream tells him he must have helped tommy destroy the community house and doesnt remember, ranboo protests saying he didnt mean to do any of it -keeps protesting, dream plays his memory + memory book against him -”you have bad memory, right? ....that’s not good.” “you’re telling me.” -”if i can’t rely on the memory book, what CAN i rely on?” “i dunno. not yourself. i’m not even real.” -dream’s voice vanishes

-tells himself repeatedly that the entire time, it wasnt real, but he blew up the community house -debates it with himself, getting more and more audibly anxious + choked up -says he couldnt have done it bc he has no access to tnt, it couldnt have been him except dream said so “i’m the only one. i’m the only one in control of me. i know that. but how do i not remember such an important event?” -”is that why i was so inclined to side with him this entire time? is that why i was so.... worried? ...i think it was.” -eret’s doing stuff outside the room, ranboo comments that it’s killing the vibe -back to questioning losing the book -[looking at the :)] “that’s all that’s left.”

-determined to remember who his friends are, at the very least -new page in the :) book. starts noting down his relationships with others -(friends: tommy techno tubbo fundy niki phil) -comments that half the people he lists as friends arent even with him anymore -he doesn’t know what he’s gonna do on doomsday -”when you think about it, this is the greater good. this is the greater good, right? it’s more people. it’s more people that i can help.”  -decides he will help l’manberg. writes “help them” on a new page in his memory book -reassures himself that everything will be okay and nothing will be blown up -”if we don’t save [l’manberg] then i have nothing.” -says he’ll have no one left, questions why he even considers techno a friend -says he HAS to help l’manberg bc if he helps them it’ll all be fine -”i might as well help, because there’s no way for me to not. there’s no reason for me not to help”

-questions his own “choose people not sides” philosophy (”am i wrong?”) bc he cant remember -panics over his memory, how “it’ll all go away” and all he has left is the three pages in his new memory book bc of dream “this was supposed to be my opportunity for redemption. redemption from last time. but now it’s just happening again.”  -takes memory book out of hotbar. starts spiraling over not being able to stop things from happening while holding mellohi -”i don’t know what i’m gonna do” over and over -cuts to black + mellohi starts, still repeating -mellohi cuts off, ”i don’t know i don’t know i don’t know i don’t know-” enderman noise -mellohi starts back up. “thank you for watching :)” stream ends

[rabbityshen]

so i think most ppl dont know at least like, if you didnt live in japan and were a kid who grew up watching the dub and didnt have easy access to the manga. (and im talking abt ygo duel monsters here) (edit: by this i mean, there was a dub for all of ygo:dm but most ppl i know watched most of s1-3 as kids and then there's a major decline in popularity with s4-5.)

basically the last half of season 5 adapts the final arc of the manga which is all about the backstory of atem (the puzzle spirit), yami bakura (evil ring spirit), the millennium items in general, and just kind of...all of the ancient egypt stuff.

what's revealed is that atem's uncle, a high priest and advisor to atem's dad, carried out the massacre of an entire village in order for the millennium items to be created.* thief king bakura (the human that yami bakura used to be) was the only survivor (and was a very young kid at the time) and so he's seeking revenge against the monarchy.

he's still mega evil and later one of atem's retainers is like "well that whole village was completely full of evil people, like thieves and etc" even tho they def killed. kids. atem is horrified at this revelation and is kind of mad at his dad but that's it. thief king bakura ends up summoning/being possessed (?? it's v confusing) by The Evilest Monster that they have to defeat, so it just ends up being "wow this genocide survivor rly was the evilest guy after all"

*the show tries to kind of distance responsibility from atem's dad, and therefore atem, and is like "well atem's dad didnt know abt the genocide details" but it's like. you were the ruling monarch here

[drkcnry67]

you are

A/N: going into the DC side of things. except another leap for my writing as well as my brain. this came to be in the middle of the night bout 2am so i briefly jotted a few ideas on a piece of paper in the dark and now im doing this… i hope this brings joy in these dark times!

Pairing: Kate Kane x reader

sentance inspirations : “what's stopping you now?" “can you help me with my tie?” / “can you zip up my dress?”

tags: WARNING THIS IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES! THIS STORY FEATURES LESBIAN (GIRL ON GIRL) SEX, I REPEAT DO NOT READ IF UNDER THE AGE OF 18. I MEAN IT! DO NOT READ THIS STORY IF YOUR UNDERAGE! YOU WILL BE VIOLATING SOME LAWS IF YOU DO! NOW DONT DO IT!

summery: not freaking telling

Masterlist

several years ago, billionaire Bruce Wayne disappeared from Gotham City, the company struggled but when Lucius Fox got murdered his nephew Luke struggled to keep Wayne techs inner lights on.

one evening Kate Kane walked into the office of CEO Bruce Wayne her cousin. she was determined to continue the legacy he had left behind in one shape or form.

she stumbled upon her cousins biggest secret, the biggest legacy he had left behind. she found the Batcave. she discovered her cousin was Batman. now she continues the shadow of the Bat. she continues to strike fear into the criminal element of Gotham City.

you had gone off the grid shortly after Bruce did, you werent sure when or if you should return but 6 years later you did, just cause you figured things would have changed and you had heard about another bat being in gotham.

you wanted to know if Bruce had returned. of course you knew your boss’ deepest darkest secret, you were his co ceo and his secretary. you had to know these things.

the penthouse you had been living in before leaving gotham hadnt changed at all. after putting your stuff down and getting somewhat settled, you decided to go and see if your workplace had changed at all, you decided to go see if anything had changed with Wayne tech.

the exterior of wayne tech hadnt changed though there were fewer lights on inside, but you swiped your key card thinking that no one else would be here that you would be able to go upstairs without anyone realizing that you were here.

kate: “someone just used a key card and entered the building.” Luke: “what do we do?” Kate: “we need to find out who they are and how they have a key card. It looks like they are coming up here. So perfect we will be questioning them in no time.”

Luke: “why would we question someone who used a key card? wait what was the key card access number?”

Kate looked at the computer again…

Kate: “4789932. why do you ask?”

Luke: “dont interrogate the person coming out of the elevator was the last person to see Bruce before he disappeared. his secretary, YN.”

you exit the elevator at that moment to see Luke and Kate in the room. Kate’s eyes lock onto yours, her gaze piercing your soul, you had forgotten that you were standing in the office of your former boss.

Luke: “you YN right?”

YN: “who are you? and how did you get in here? this is sacred space.”

Kate steps in front of luke and comes close to you.

Kate: “no need to be hostile, im Kate Kane im Bruce’s cousin. the one he didnt really mention, when he disappeared i figured i would use this place as my home away from home. plus my buddy Luke here is the son of Lucius who i believe worked closely with you and Bruce before Bruce disappeared and before Lucius passed a year ago. when my cousin disappeared did you happen to…”

you interrupted Kate, you felt bad for doing so but you knew what she was gonna ask.

YN: “no he didnt mention anything to me about where he was going, he was just being Bruce. he told me he had to leave Gotham and wasnt sure if or when he would return. i left that same day when he and i had last talked. we had our final conversation and i got on the next flight out of gotham and spent the last few years trying to cope with having lost my job, the loss of my best friend, and the loss of my life.”

Kate: “how long have you been back in Gotham?”

You had to set yourself down in a chair cause now you were feeling the vibes and memories from being back in the office.

YN: “i got back only 4 hours ago. i live in the penthouse in the gotham plaza hotel a couple blocks away. but there are a ton of cars and everything everywhere whats going on?”

Kate looked at you and then remmbered that you hadnt been back in gotham very long.

Kate: “tonight is some sort of fancy ball type thing that the rich folk are throwing in honor of the crows security team that helps the gcpd protect gotham well only those who can afford it anyway. anyway my dad wants me to make an appearance and be there and such so i was wondering if your not busy would you consider coming with me…”

you were shocked this woman this woman who you had barely known for a total of half an hour was asking you on a date… and you of course had nothing to wear.

YN: “i would love to but i have nothing to wear.”

Kate: “we can solve that… Luke im taking the night off… and whatever you do dont contact me at all. im gonna show YN just how much has changed in this city and with its people. and rememebr to pick us up at the apartment at 6:30pm.”

Kate takes you to the elevator and down to the garage. you of course realized that she had a motor bike and that was a total turn on for you.

YN: “where are we gonna find me an outfit on such short notice.”

Kate: “there is a boutique near my place we will stop there on the way to getting me ready.”

you take the helmet that she hands you, you put it on and strap your small bag cross your body, and get on behind Kate. you hold on tight as she takes off out of the garage.

the feeling coursing through your veins right then was something you hadnt felt in a long time. in about 15 minutes you both arrived at a small boutique. it was super fancy, you remmber hitting alot of those types of store when you were bruce’s secretary.

Kate: “lets find you a dress…”

you and Kate walk into the boutique and smile as you both walk in not knowing what you wanted like detail wise for a dress. but Kate spoke up fairly calm.

Kate: “can i get some help to find this lovely woman a dress for the ball tonight?”

Helen comes around the corner and stands immediately in front of you and Kate.

Helen: “such a fluent canvas, let me guess you wear mostly bright colors, but look good in almost anything, dont really care for heals but will deal with wedges, spaghetti strap, built in bra, and has to have a slit in the front for easy walking but can deal if it doesnt. how did i do?”

YN: “you got it. how did you know?”

Helen: “darlin’ ive been at this a long time plus you are very easy to read… wait a moment you remind me of.. YN?”

you had to think now… you couldnt think straight in the first place cause of Kate but now you were faced with this lady who suddenly knew your name.

YN: “im sorry you seem to have me at a disadvantage. do i know you?”

Helen: “its me Helen, i was your tailor when Mr Wayne was still here. God rest his soul.”

you now knew who she was and she hugged you welcoming you back to Gotham as she took you to the rack where she happened to have a mermaid spaghetti strap in lilac and in your size.

she pulled it off the shelf and handed it to you. you held it up to your figure and she gave it the thumbs up as she went to grab you a shawl and a handbag as well as a pair of wedges which she took a guess on the size.

kate and you went back to her apartment and she helped you get comfortable before she went to go get ready for the ball. you started to take off what you currently were wearing, and then you slid into the dress. the satin lace combo gliding across your skin.

you didnt hear Kate who wanted your help with her tie come back as you finished pulling the up but couldnt reach the zipper.

Kate: “knock knock…”

YN: “i cant reach the zipper. Can you zip up my dress?”

Kate: “only if you help me. Can you help me with my tie?”

you nod.

YN: “deal. but who goes first?”

Kate: “come closer to me and turn around so i can do up the zipper.”

you turn around and move your hair out of habit. Kate’s hands move slowly along your back to the zipper but they trace every inch of your back before grasping the zipper.

YN: “can I ask you something?”

Kate: “of course.”

Yn: “did you have any contact with Bruce before he left that would indicate where he was going or why?”

Kate: “no but my cousin was strong willed, if he wanted to do something he most certainly did everything in his power to achieve whatever he was trying to do. Ugh the zipper is stuck, do not worry I have someone who is very eager to help in any way possible but while I Call her can you do my tie?”

Just as you turn around you hear the door open, Kate turns to defensive in front of you. Mary walks through the door.

Mary: “chill out sis it’s me!”

Kate: “thank God it’s you I hope you can help. Mary this is YN, YN this is My sister Mary. Mary can you fix YN’s zipper on her dress it is stuck even I couldn’t get it.”

Mary places her purse and her coat down and comes behind you. While you trace Kate’s form grasping hold of her tie. Mary goes to take a look at your zipper, she spends longer on the zipper then you do on kates tie.

You had this weird feeling, like she had a secret, like she was trying to tell you something and you werent quite picking up the signal.

Kate had one of her hands on your waist, she had every confidence that she had found her one in you. Course she had heard her cousin mention his fantastic secretary but she didnt think you would be this gorgeous. Mary after a while exclaims.

Mary: “i have an idea… stay right there dont move…”

mary left the room for a moment this left you and kate to further ponder your thougts. kate still had her hand on your waist, this sparked something within you that you had not felt in years.

Kate: “do you have anyone special in your life?”

YN: “ive been single every day for my entire life. cause before i left bruce and i shared secrets with eachother that we soon knew would go with us to our graves. kate, im a lesbian…”

Kate smiles and is about to speak when mary comes back into the room, she goes to the back of your dress and fiddles round for a few moments before standing straight and comes back to her bag and coat.

Mary: “all done i replaced the zipper pull, you will be fine ill fully replace the zipper before that dress is needed again. now both of you should go Luke will be here any moment. and im hitching a ride so hurry up both of you and finish getting reAdy.”

Kate and you finished getting ready, the sound of a car horn sounded. this pulled you and kate out of your own admirations and into a state of lets go present to the public.

you held kates hand this sent several shivers down your spine but in a good way. kate however knew what you felt but she knew she would have to tell you her secret after tonight if everything went her way.

kate: "so i hope that this isnt too forward but how do you think people at this party will react to seeing you at the party let alone back in gotham?"

yN: "dont worry bout it ill just exclaim that im back to stop running from the past. Exclaim that I can't and I shouldn't run forever! Even if I'm still scared."

kate: "what do you have to be scared of?"

yn: "my future, the company I worked for for so long went awol after lucius God rest his soul and now I return to meet the cousin of my former boss and the son of his best friend. Geez I'm overwhelmed!"

Kates hand on your own had you finding the strength to make it through the evening! Your only thoughts were of how how you and Kate looked.

Luke got out of the car and came round to open your door so kate and you as well as mary could exit the car. The press got one look at you beside kate and had a field day.

After pushing through the crowd, making it inside the gallary you realized that the security was tighter than usual.

YN: “when did security get beefed up?”

Kate: “since my father became the leader of a security company, they are called the Crows, they became a thing after Batman disappeared. lets avoid any and all contact with him while here, he wont entirely take kindly to me having a date at this gala.”

YN: “does he know that your...”

Kate: “yes he does but he doesnt entirely approve of it. but you know what screww what he thinks. im just happy to not be suffering this event alone.”

You smiled you knew that there was a small chance that kate had feelings for you as well. there was speeches, music, silent auction and dancing. this was what you and Kate spent some of your time doing. was dancing and placing tickets into the silent auctions.

You and Kate were standing by the bar during the next few speeches, doing a few shots and having several laughs.

Kate: "have you ever kissed a girl?"

YN: "not willingly... Poison ivy got me once but batman swooped in and saved me after I sucker punched him while he was trying to save me. But I guess kissed and put under a spell by a bad girl doesn't count."

Kate: "nope but it was a good try..."

before kate had a chance to finish er sentance her name was being called, this made both you and her turn toward the voice, this also made kate immediately chug the rest of her drink.

Jacob: "kate... didnt expect to see you here tonight."

kate: "thats cause i didnt mention that i was gonna be here. as i found out a few new things today but you dont need to know as long as you do what you do we can never be a proper family. trust me being gay is the best thing to ever happen to me. I swear I'm not gonna give up who I am just to make you proud of me. If you can't accept me for who I am then how are we supposed to be a family. "

Jacob: "Kate you made your choice years ago at the Acadamy you don't need to remind me that we are not and can never be a proper family. You and your lady friend enjoy the gala."

Jacob gives you the snake eye before walking away. You turn to Kate both of you now standing alot closer before. Then it was time for someone from Wayne tech to get up and speak.

You and Kate were the only ones who were able and willing to represent the company on the stage.

Kate: "Wayne tech was started by my aunt Martha and my uncle Thomas Wayne many many years ago. Then my cousin Bruce took over when he was old enough. 6 years ago my cousin disappeared, 3 years ago lucius fox was murdered, today I stand up here with YN who worked close along side lucius and Bruce for many years before Bruce disappeared. Under her leadership and the help of lucius fox's nephew Luke we have plans to reopen Wayne tech."

YN: "citizens of Gotham, what Kate says is true we have plans to reopen Wayne tech, we hope to bring good to our city, continuing on in the steps of my former boss and business partner Bruce, may he ever be remembered as we reopen and continue the business that was the foundation to Gothams Legacy for years before and will continue to be...”

before you could finish your speech the lights in the entire building went out. you and Kate stood close.

Kate: “stay close to me, this is not supposed to happen...”

a few moments later a single spotlight on the other side of the room reveals someone standing there...

Hush: “greetings gothamites, right now some of the crows are all standing on pressure plates that will explode the building if they move. so i want the little rat who is associated with Bruce wayne to come forth and face the punishment for trying to shine that light again.”

Kate and you make your way through the shadows and around the harmless civilians to a hidden panel in the wall. stepping inside this felt very familiar feeling of security.

Kate: “we all have our demons, some of our demons hide in the shadows, for this lunatic out there im one of his demons. YN you know Bruce’s secret now im trusting you with mine.”

YN; “ what are you talking about Kate i have to go out there and stand up to that monster and prove my worth.”

Kate: “and you will have your part to play in this but so will i...”

you watch as she emerges from shadws into some low lighting dressed as a bat...”

YN: “so you took after your cousin in that respect. i am so happy that you have trusted me with this secret. thank you for that.”

Kate: “all i want you to do is go out there and keep him talking distract him long enough for luke who can hear us right now to silently and remotely disarm the pressure plates. now go, ill be along shortly. i have to go a different way.”

you leave the hole in the wall, you walk out there and throw your voice from behind the people.

YN: “who are you and what the hell do you want with me?”

Hush: “why dont you come out and face me so i can see who you are!”

You go further and a spotlight shines on you.

Hush: "well well well, let's get this party started.. Starting with a pop quiz: in Wayne tech the last project that was announced to be in development was what?"

YN: "a new secure wing at arkham asylum."

Hush: "what made the plans for this project go off the rails?"

YN: "the disappearance of Bruce Wayne and the murder of lucius fox."

Hush: "and what project are you guys gonna start on with your start up?"

Yn: "why does it matter to you you dick? You are the one that is basically holding us for hostage... Now either release the innocent people and disarm the pressure plates or the gcpd will be crawling over this place in a matter of moments."

Hush: "now now little girl, you were Bruce Wayne's pet weren't you?"

YN: "I was his assistant and best friend."

Hush: "I knew him once, but he was much different then... I for one am glad he is gone, he was an arrogant ass..."

Kate came into view a few times, helping to set up the room so the people are safe, you keep ‘hush’ busy for a few moments. before you knew it all the innocents were in a safe location.

Hush approached you rapidly and began to get all up in your grill.

Hush: “why are you not afraid of me?”

YN: “cause ive seen things in my lifetime that would scare even a man with no heart such as yourself. so do your worse cause im counting on someone saving me very soon...”

Hush comes up and starts using his fingers to trace your body. that is when Kate decided it was time to make her presence known.

Batwoman: “hey ugly, take your hands off the lady...”

Hush turns to see Batwoman who you know is actually Kate standing behind him...

Hush: “why should i you silly little bat?”

Batwman: “cause in a number of moments the pressure plates will be disarmmed, the crows will be free and you will be going to arkham. now pick on someone your own size...”

Hush turned away from you immediately before turning to batwoman he chucked knives at her while you stood there and watched.. Kate caught your eye and winked, just like bruce used to do if he wanted to pull a reverse batarang catch combo.

Kate threw the batarang and it landed in your catch then with all your strength and force your threw that batarang at the back of hush’s head and he fell straight on his face.

batwoman: “alright commander the pressure plates have been disabled, make sure this animal sees justice. ill take the lady out of the building. have a good night commmander.”

kate comes up to you and grapples both of you out of the building. kate’s father called to make sure both of you were okay. you ended up at wayne tower with kate now she still is in costume.

Kate: “what fascination did my cousin have for bookcases...”

YN: “it is just his thing, back at wayne manor he had a bookcase a piano entrance and several other things, he finally choose the bookcase to make things easy for his quick escapes.”

Kate: "do you want to see the cave?"

YN: "I haven't been down there since before Bruce left... I would love to see it back up and running."

Kate's hand on your own leading you down into the cave made you smile as the stairwell seemed to get brighter like something glowing at the end of the tunnel.

Getting to the end of the tunnel there's a path lined with flame less tea lights.

Yn: "it's beautiful... I love these tea lights!"

Kate: "I have to be honest tonight I had a hard time keeping myself from letting my heart lead my actions. In the few short hours that I've known you, I've fallen in love with you. I had Luke and Mary set this up. As well as the bed in the center."

Kate says as she starts de suiting allowing you to roam around but mid way through de suiting her eyes couldn't leave your form.

Kate: "it took everything I had for will power not to make love to you right then and there and when we were dancing it took all my will power not to kiss you while dancing."

You turned to face Kate both of you facing eachother now.

Yn: "what's stopping you now?"

Mid way through de suiting Kate allowed her instincts to take over. she left her suit half off ran to you cupped your cheeks and kissed you. this was the kiss that felt like it had happened before, but of course it hadnt but it sure as hell felt amazing literally breath taking.

after 10 minutes both of you broke the kiss breathing heavily before kate spoke in heavy raspy breaths.

Kate (breathing heavily): “this might be more sexy if you help me finish getting out of my suit.”

YN (breathing heavily): “turn around and i will...”

Kate turns around, you place small seductive kisses trailing her neck, to her shoulder, down her spine earning small soft moans of approval from Kate. your hands moved to her wait and began to slide the suit from her waist down her legs you still leaving kisses ever couple seconds.

once the suit was off Kate threw it across the table in the corner, and took you closer to the bed as she started to use her hands once more to roam over your body, feeling every inch of it.

Kate: “you are still wearing far too much clothing... turn around time for me to help you get out of what you are wearing...”

YN: “i promise you that this is probably way less than you were wearing.”

Kate: “turn around for me..”

you turned around and smiled, kates hands on the back of your dress using the make shift pully for the zipper that mary had put on to undo the dress. but Kate kissed your neck earning soft moans from you.

Kate: “dont forget we are the future of wayne tech, and united we stand..”

YN: “you are so hot, i got all throat dryed and tongue tied when i first met you. i was shell shocked... but im damn well glad you were the one in the building.”

the fabric slid off your body on its own, all kate had to do was make sure you didnt trip over the dress. tossing that with the suit you are in the caressed embrace of Kate.

Kate: “so beautiful...”

you turn around lifting Kate’s tank top off her body. her hands making quick work to slide off her shorts. both of you now scooting onto the bed, Kate was on top of you quicker than you were fully laying down.

Kate: “now this is how love is supposed to be...”

Kate grinded her way onto you, pulling off 69 and just general pleasuring sensual acts. you both were screaming and moaning in pleasure.

Kate: “you know i dont think ive had this much passion in sex in a long time.”

YN: “i know what you mean and i am perfectly content staying right here for like ever...”

kate had been using a double strap on so it pleasured you both. she hadnt puled out or really stopped moving, you both were just laying in a way that you could have a conversation.

YN: “how did i get so lucky to end up with you?”

Kate: “no idea but it was probably the same thing that brought me to you. i love you...”

You cupped her cheeks making sure your noses were touching and that was how your night of perfect bliss continued with the strap on and the vigerous sexual positions and the oral sex you received from Kate.

After several hours of that you both fell asleep cuddled together in perfect harmony. Morning soon fell, the bat computer started its morning routine, the lights were still romantic.

In those moments things seemed simple, both of you had forgotten the horrific but wonderful time at the gala the night before.

Kate and you stirred at the same time, opening your eyes only to start grinding the strap on again, not alot of moving from where you were nor from under the covers.

You were still going at it moments later when Luke and Mary began to decend into the cave. Neither you nor Kate noticed as you were too pre occupied.

The bat computer spoke suddenly.

Computer: "sir Luke and lady Mary, madame Kate and mistress YN are still rolling in the sheets, they also just woke up shall I put up the protective shield?"

Mary: "yes please so we don't have to see anything.. But there is a question I have who installed those shield and why?"

Computer: "master Wayne did for his rendezvous with miss Kyle! Whenever they would happen. "

Luke: "did my father know? About Bruce and Selena?"

Computer: "oh yes everyone eventually knew cause they got engaged in secret. To show Gotham that Selina had truly changed her spots."

Luke and Mary were shocked they didnt think that someone would happen upon anything like that in the cave... though like they were about to see the shield would reveal as though nothing was on the other side of the wall...

Luke: "did bruce leave anything indicating where he was going or why he left?"

computer: "that information is classified except to those whose code names are on the inscription."

Mary: "is it safe to go down now?"

computer: "yes go on..."

meanwhile you and Kate were still engaged in the sensual arts. passion flowing gracefully from you both. neither of you noticing the shield nor hearing the voices from luke and mary, nor realizing that there was work to be done.

about an hour later you and kate were both finally satisfied. you both threw on the robes sitting near by and smiled happily walking out from behind the shield. only to be confronted with glares from Luke and Mary...

Luke: “glad you both could finally join us... oh by the way, great idea for starting wayne tech again that is a brilliant plan...”

Mary: “where are your formal wear so i can repair that zipper and whatever else needs on it...”

YN: “its on the couch over near the shield. just dont look back there it aint pretty.”

Kate smiled cause she could only imagine what kind of horrors they would see if they looked. 

Kate: “did you find anything on that Hush character from the gala last night?”

Luke: “sadly no but i can say that whoever he is is extremely hard to place. plus there is no mention of anyone named Hush in Bruce’s files anywhere.”

YN: “so he is someone new thats okay cause i am the one that took down Poison ivy, that was one of the only missions i ever did with bruce i had my own suit and everything. Bruce taught me everything he knew. but in those moments ivy had no idea that i was the same girl she had tried to force to kill Batman. then i turned around and clipped her with a batarang to the back of the head and brought her ass to arkham. it was a glorious day. it was also the same day that Bruce told me he was leaving. or well that he was preparing too. he told me for what was coming neither of us should be in the city. so when he left i grabbed what few belongings i had and i left gotham and had been in Star City till yesterday.”

Kate went to mary who handed Kate something which peaked your curiousity, but you werent gonna pry you knew when the time was right Kate would do what her heart commanded. 

~1 and a half years later... success had been accross yours and Kates features as you both were running sucessfully 3 businesses. the reopening of wayne tech had gone smoothly. then there was the real estate firm that Kate had been running before you got to gotham as well as a nightclub. a little excessive but its a welcome reprieve with a fully stocked bar. you and Kate were happily living in your penthouse together. you had left alot of it alone due to both of you missed Bruce and wanted him to be honored.~

Kate: “YN, did you put..”

YN: “top drawer in the middle cabinet, Kate did you...”

Kate: “its in your desk in the center drawer...”

you and Kate were functional working happy couple. this was to be the night of the wayne tech gala. you both had put one on as tghe grand reopening and now its a yearly thing. to showcase everything that is in development for the people of gotham. 

Kate: “can you believe that its already been almost 2 years...”

YN: “can you believe that i never thought i would have ever been working for wayne tech again.”

kate: “can you believe that you are the most beautiful woman at this party.”

YN: “your not so bad yourself.”

Kate smiled as she came up behind you to help you do up your dress. 

Kate: “do you think bruce would be proud of what we have done and are doing?”

YN: “i think whereever he is he is very proud of us... and even better he would be honored that we took this mantle and have upheld it for the good of the Wayne family legacy.”

thats when an intruder alert sounded. it was one of the silent alarms on the wayne manor property. 

YN: “we should go as ourselves not in costume.”

Kate: “ill call Mary and Luke and have them stall for time at the gala. we will be there in plenty of time. but your right as usual.”

YN: “good thing we travel to impress.”

Kate: “we also travel combat ready... i get now why you always have slits in your dresses. lets go.”

Kate and you got onto Kates bike and drove off towards the detection. ah yes wayne manor now declared sacred land and only for family, it was unusual that someone would dare to venture onto the property. 

upon arrival at the gate you and Kate parked and got off the bike leaving your helmets and hiding the valuables in the safe installed on the bike. 

Kate: “keep your eyes open something isnt right.”

YN: “dont worry whatever it is we will make sure to handle this.”

Kate smiles and keeps you close while walking further onto the property. you remembered the last time you had been here before bruce left and disappeared. 

Kate: “see anything yet?”

YN: “not yet... wait there is a light inside...”

you start running towards the house Kate follows in suit, you start going up the steps but stop as Kate comes up behind you and grabs your hand both of you walking up those stairs together.

Kate and you each opened one of the double doors, both of you walking inside the light seemingly brighter. you could hear rustling and creeking of floors. you and Kate wanted to charge in “guns” blazing but you were in civilian form not a good idea. 

you both stop outside the door to the room, you hear a familiar voice. no it cant be... 

Kate: “whoever that is, is going to be tried for trespassing...”

except you knew that voice... you knew who it was...

YN: “dont be rash babe, i recognize the voice.”

you open the door with Kate on your heels.

YN: “talia...”

the figure turns around and remves her hood.

Talia: “its been a long time YN. how have you been?”

YN: “to be fair its been a gong show... what with having just come back to gotham last night after being in star city for the last several years.”

Talia: “i guess it has been a long long time. whose your friend?”

Kate holds her hand towards talia and stands tall beside you.

Kate: “kate kane, im Bruce’s cousin. im as of 1 and a half years ago  YN’s  girlfriend.”

Talia shakes kates hand. 

YN: “what are you doing here talia?”

Talia: “i mean no disrespect but something seemed wrong about Bruce disappearing. something felt wrong and if i can find out why it felt wrong then i can find out where Bruce disappeared to.”

YN: “keep us informed, we have an expo to get too.. we are so late...”

Kate: “if you wish there will be a ticket for you at the door Talia. it was very nice to meet you.”

Talia: “as it was to meet you Kate.”

You and Kate leave Talia to what she was doing and head back to the bike. Tears fell from your eyes thinking about Bruce and how proud he would be of both you and Kate.

Kate: "thinking about Bruce?"

YN: "I just wish he were here to see what we have accomplished. But let's get to the expo and reveal the plans for the developments that we have come up with."

Kate hands you your helmet before hse puts hers on as you both get back on the bike and head to the expo. Parking in the parking garage you make the notion that you both got dirt on your outfits.

Kate: "shit Mary is gonna kill us... She might have planned for something like this... Hold on let me..."

before kate could call Mary, mary rang Kate’s cell...

Kate: “Mary thank god its you listen YN and i had a little run in with some dirt both our outfits are no longer presentable do you have any spare outfits.”

Mary yells at luke and then speaks a moment.

mary: “meet me in the washrooms in the lobby... i will have them there shortly..”

you and Kate sneak your way through the corridors and head into the lobby washrooms. anxiously awaiting Mary’s arrival with your replacement outfits, you made sure that you kept a level head. 

Kate: “you look a little tense love...”

YN: “i wanted this night to go smoooth and now we have to do a costume change only a few short moments before we have to be on stage for the toasts. this is not how this night was supposed to go...”

Kate: “not to worry, there is still plenty of time for things to go right.”

Mary walks in a while later, you look at Kate with anticipation for the way that you were hoping this night would go was not what it seemed. 

Mary: okay whose first for their outfit change... 

Kate: just give me the outfits Mary, you and Luke need to make sure no one comes in here for a few moments while we get changed... once we are changed ill knock on the door and you and come and collect the outfits. 

Mary: that sounds do-able. just both of you hurry up people are asking for you, important people. 

you and Kate were not sure who could be out there but you both were certain that this night was gonna be a rocking good time. 

getting into your clean outfits you both realize that you both are wearing your costume colors. Kate knocks on the door once you both are presentable, mary walks in.

Mary: you both look spectacular!

Kate: ya in our costume colors what is going on?

Mary: luke developed a microchip to change anything into your costumes its like a portable solution. but these are just incase of any ruckass. which we are hoping there wont be but just in case here they are. 

Kate: what if we just want to be normal for one night?

Mary reaches into the neckline of Kates shirt and your bra line on your dress and pulls out the microchips. 

Mary: if you both change your minds i have the chips now go  you both are due for your speech in a few moments. 

you and kate go out of the washroom, arriving in the ballroom to be greeted by dignitaries and just in time to be called up on stage. politely excusing yourselves you both walk up on stage. 

Kate: whats up gotham city. thank you all so much for coming out tonight. this year so far is really big and productive for the company. i cant believe its been almost 2 years since me and YN brought wayne tech back to life. if bruce wayne were here today, to see what we have done he would be very proud of everything we are doing to keep this legacy alive. the silent auction will run all night the winner will be contacted by telephone and by email. the prizes will be availble for drop off or pick up at wayne tech. now i am gonna turn the mic over to my business partner and girlfriend YN.

YN: thanks kate, so as you all have seen around the room are some of the plans to refurbish some of the wings at arkham as well as build a secure wing for those more deadly super criminals. our goal is to create a more secure enviroment as well as give the orderlies more space for any other crazies that may pop up or have to go to arkham thanks to the donations of you Gotham we almost have the funds to start the arkham asylum expansion project. 

Kate: before we sign off for the evening i have something i would like to do. bare with me i have not put alot of thought into this but here it goes. 

Kate turns to you taking your hand in her own.

Kate: Yn you and i have taken Wayne tech and brought it back from the dust and shadows like a phoenix in rebirth but tonight as we boht stand before all of gotham i have a question for you, this night at this gala i want to know. Will you YN marry me?

she then got down on one knee and held a ring box to you open to a rose gold entwined celtic knot band with a emerald cut stone in the center. your face went pretty fast from shock to a face of happy complete utter joy. 

YN: yes!

was all you managed to squeak out.  kate placed the ring on your finger and kissed you before holding both your hands up for the press to see the gripped shot of the engagement ring. 

you were not sure what else would come out of your mouth. thats when luke stepped onto the stage with mary. both of them bringing you and kate some champagne. 

mary: waiters are coming around with champagne will you all please join me in raising a toast to YN and Kate  the best people for the right jobs at the right moments. we are honored to be in your debt. to YN and Kate. 

the toast made, the congratulations flowed in, the press all over your engagement. even the crows offered congratulations. 

~what happens now is a different story for a different time~

[ironclawpoint]

i blazed through the last half of the game and yelled at fyghm server folks about it instead of posting here because i just Had to talk about it, but anyway: i beat the game and i want to get my thoughts out before my impressions are influenced LOL

this is the strongest nmh combat/gameplay has ever been. wow. it was really really good, for a nmh game that was POLISHED. i was like, glued to the game, the pace was spot on the fighting felt GOOD i loved the new mechanics!!!

ALSO IT WAS STYLISH AS HELL I LOVE THE AESTHETIC OF EVERY SINGLE PART OF THIS GAME

the sushi theme fucking slaps and is the best song in the whole game i love you abo/okumura - but i think the soundtrack suffered a bit from being all kind of evenly pretty good with a few VERY strong standouts? kind of like how tsa’s soundtrack was good but i dont like the boss themes stand out more than the overworld music / that rank battle sting

holy shit it was so campy and so fanservicey and i am ok with it if it’s the last nmh game ever, and also THAT KAMUI AND NOTORIOUS LIVED. i was catered to in every way except for inio asano’s kamui looking 12, evil henry, and badman dying, but i think i’m satisfied with how he was mourned.

could you guys just not afford steve blum :|aaaaa

the whole game i was scared it was gonna be like a simulation / all a dream and i am SO GLAD IT WASN’T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE ASSASSINS YOU SENT TO KILL ME ARE MY FOUND FAMILY NOW. i feel like someone might even see this as a corny ending but? again, if this is the end, im actually grateful, and the touchdown crew gets to live on and be buddies and have movie nights ;_______;

also i can’t believe i just told someone “you don’t have to play tsa” when so many of the best parts of this game were tsa callbacks straight up lmfaooooo

the post-credits jeane and hunter thing is so ?!?!?! LOL. it wouldn’t be nmh if suda didnt leave a bunch of loose ends, but i like that it’s open? like, we get so much room to think about what it Could be, and maybe suda will change his mind and make another, but if we end here then phew.

my only complaints are:

overworld was fun but Why Is Half Not Accessible, and why is Neo Brazil like.... nothing.... lol. i get that it’s supposed to be the star but ???

i wish we knew more about sylvia’s motives and stuff ;( i loved to see her be so mysterious but please, suda, a crumb

if you’re here you know my asano kamui complaints lmao but at least he’s cute. how cute he was makes that almost 100% forgivable. like 80% forgivable

i wish we got to see more of badgirl and shinobu outside of end game T_T

model notorious’ beautiful face and kissable lips cowards

[pbandjesse]

I know I like to say that days are emotional mixed bags, roller coasters, and such. But its true!! Like I know they arent huge things, but it feels like my emotions are all over the place and stuff. It is just. A lot. And it wasnt even a bad day. But man was there stressful parts. 

I slept alright. But I somehow got my belly button ring stuck on something in the night and woke myself up because it hurt. So I had to take that out half asleep. It was an alright sleep. 

I woke up fully after James left for work. I got an email that I made a sale on my website?? So strange! I was excited. But then I saw what they ordered. We made a mistake on the website set up and the person bought something that already sold. I was so upset. I tore the closet apart trying to find it before I realized. So I was really upset. I was like half getting pretty and then going to look again and I was just a mess. 

But I was like. I should make more bears anyway. I want to get back into it. I miss my store. I miss making products. I was really proud of it and it sucks that the last two jobs Ive taken have caused me to lose all energy for the store I loved. So I am going to try to at least make stuff. Even if I suck at the advertising part. 

I sent an email to the customer to ask if it was okay for me to make them a new one in the same fabric, which I thankfully still had. They wouldn asnwer for a few hours (they are on the other side of the country) and were totally okay with it so I can feel better about that. But we would have to fix the website to make everything a 1 of a kind thing. James spearheaded that for me. Cause they are a great partner. 

Before they got home I spent some time cutting out bears from my new pattern. I got 7 bears cut out and I am very happy with the new pattern, its much faster. And I made one bear so I could make a video. I was very pleased though. I am excited to make more fuzzy bears honestly. Like even though its a mess its fun and I love how they look. I might try to add pattern fabrics as details, but for now Im going to focus on the fuzzies. 

James would come home and I would make a little lunch. And then, even though I very very much didnt want to, I went to work. 

And it was okay. It wasnt great. It wasnt super interesting. I mostly read and spent every 5 minutes telling my youngest kid to pay attention to his teacher. It was very annoying but also I cant blame him. Its to much to ask from a little guy and my other kindergarteners dont have that kind of day. I did feel like a monster when I accidentally pinched his finger between a chair and a table. But I hugged on him and he was fine. 

We made bean shakers for the project today and I read them The Velveteen Rabbit. Which I always loved. And really I just wanted to clean the room and be alone. And eventually I got that. 

We ended the day in the gym. I cleaned. Headed down and talked to Travis while the kids ran around. Eventually we went upstairs to watch a movie and I kept reading. 

I was very glad to go home. And as I was leaving once all the kids were picked up I ran into Marshal from Access Art!! It was so nice to see him. They are expanding to two more schools in the fall. So that's exciting. I said I was looking to not be in the classroom as much but to keep me in mind and he said he would email me as the year went on. We stood outside and talked a bit and it was nice. Just a nice little moment. 

 I headed home and ran into Mr Will outside. We talked for a bit, about work and stuff. It was nice to see him. He is trying to make our yard look more alive, which I appreciate.

James was dealing with a swollen eye and a red face. No idea what is up, but I think theyre developing allergies. I hope not. But they had made me popcorn and we hung out and made a plan to order dinner. We laid on the couch while we waited for the food to get here. 

After dinner I worked in the studio for a while. I accidently broke my needle on my machine. And then discovered it was my last one. I was super upset. I ended up hand sewing though and got two done, and started a 3rd. I hope to get a new needle soon but I dont mind hand sewing to much, its just slow. 

But now I am sitting on the couch in the new dress that came in the mail tonight. And I think it is time to get a shower and get some sleep. Lets wish tomorrow is nice. And I dont feel to bad. I need to be okay so I can take care of James after they get their second vaccine. I hope they dont feel to bad. 

Sleep good everyone. Take care of yourselves. 

[galaxytale]

mmmm…. i have new thoughts about my ex and i’s situation.

i know i have rambled on here in the past about them. often bitterly and angrily. to be honest, those words came from a place of immense hurt and betrayal. a lot of pain and a lot of complex emotions that i needed to vent out and process. and the way i did this previously was… rather embarrassing and harmful and not good for anyone. but it has been a long year, and i have had much to think about. and my brain does not like to process many of these things in a normal way. i often just use this blog as a place to barf out my thoughts at random so i can work out whats going on in my mind. this doesnt excuse it but i hope it allows for some understanding.

its been a long time since my ex and i broke up. and i just… idk didnt know how to deal properly. but i think about them a lot. obviously. what you see is mostly the negatives. the frustrations and the confusions and the residual aches and pains. mostly because these are what im trying best to understand. i want to understand them, i want to understand their perspective. it frustrates me when i cant understand, and it frustrates me more when i feel as if they couldnt understand me or didnt even try. but i still care for them greatly. which is why i get frustrated. i do not think many people understand this. i want to understand why they hurt me. i want to understand how i hurt them. i want to learn and grow. but to do that i also have to experience and process the anger and frustration i felt towards them. this is what you all see when i ramble and rant.

anyway this is the last time im doing this publicly because honestly this is a stupid way to process stuff this and i figured out something way better. also im just. tired of it. im tired of being angry and being hurt. that doesnt mean itll stop but. yall wont be seeing it.

i still hold many of my previous thoughts and criticisms of them. and i still consider many of these valid and fair. and i still deny ever doing many of the things they accused me of because ive spoken with other people about them - people actually involved in the situation(s), and they have supported and corroborated my side of the story as well as my feelings regarding those various situations.

however i have come to some realizations that i think allow me to better understand parts of their side of it all.

ive realized some things about myself and how my mind functions that have lead me to other realizations. these realizations include that i misunderstood a lot of things they were trying to get me to do, tools they were trying to get me to employ, things that actually would have been helpful to me had i understood. i see now that in some of the cases they were pushing me on and making me extremely uncomfortable with, that they were genuinely trying to be helpful because they cared. because they were trying to help me just as i was trying to help them.

the problem here is that i was not ready for, and did not understand a lot of the new things being pushed at me. much of what they were trying to get me to engage with were therapy techniques and stuff to learn to cope better. unfortunately due to a lot of previous bad experiences with therapy and such techniques i am extremely adverse to and suspicious of therapy and therapeutic settings/techniques. combined with a lot of new information about myself that i needed time to adjust to and process. a lot of it scared me and i needed them to slow down and be gentler with me in this rather than throwing me in the deep end and expecting me to swim.

i misunderstood a lot of the tools they were trying to offer me - how to use them properly and why. i thought i made this obvious that i didnt understand a lot of it and in fact didnt want to engage with a lot of it outright - even though i was willing to try. the issue is i also needed a good example or instruction of what they wanted from me and… well. they did their best, this i know they tried, but it was not enough for me to understand what they really wanted from me.

i now understand that this is likely why they grew frustrated with me. and this also factors into something that ive come to realize and understand about myself - in fact its one of the things they criticized about me most… ive come to understand the true nature of what the thing i did that they hated most was actually. and ive since worked out a solution to it that actually has been shown to be far more effective and efficient in doing what the thing they were criticizing me about most was doing. this took a lot of work and a long time for me to come to the realization of what it was that i needed to do and how it worked. and i needed to be allowed to make this discovery on my own time, at my own pace to be able to accept it as part of how i work.

unfortunately due to a lot of things, i was also quite terrible to them myself. and i recognize this. i recognized it before - i tried my best to fix my understanding of it but i did not know what i didnt know. i did not know, and did not understand, what i now know and understand. but much of my actions were because i was scared, confused, uncomfortable, and dealing with a whole lot of shit outside of our relationship. and i am genuinely and truly remorseful for what i did. i was remorseful back then, and i still am now. i did some bad things and i know this. i speak of it vaguely here because honestly while im just shouting to the void i still know this is a public blog and theres a chance people will actually read this and frankly. i consider it none of their business unless they were involved. i did lash out at them, and i did treat them unfairly.

however i still feel as if they refuse to acknowledge my point of view in much of this, as well as that they lashed out at me and have refused to acknowledge and apologize for it all. i have never heard them say the words “im sorry” for any of the things i consider the worst things they did to me. much of the time they refused to even acknowledge the fact that a lot of it hurt me despite me outright stating such. they also refused to acknowledge that i had repeatedly tried to assert my own boundaries with them and refused to accept a new boundary when it was drawn.

they did a lot of terrible things to me in return. including things that they, themself, accused me of doing to them initially. i still deny these accusations and consider myself completely innocent (at worst, should my own memory really be that faulty, i consider myself only having caused a huge misunderstanding among friends as well as having accidentally fucking up something that left out important context). i feel this way because they would not produce any evidence to prove to me my own actions that would negate the memories i myself actually have as well as the evidence in support of my side of the case that i have. all they could provide was testimony from a person who would not have had direct access to either side of the conversation that they are alleging happened a certain way. a conversation that i, personally, was half of. a conversation that i spoke with the other half about again, after showing them what i was being accused of, who also verified my recollection of the events.

i feel as if they refuse to even consider my perspective. i felt this way for a good amount of the relationship, and i still feel this way. i feel that they refused to communicate with me and ensure that both of us completely understood the other. i feel that they refused to be considerate of my needs and respectful towards me as a person after a certain point. i feel as if they refused to work to compromise with me on many situations, and i feel that they often tried to demand of me many things that were unreasonable, and that they often moved goalposts or failed to deliver on their end of the deal when i still bent over backwards to do something for them.

however. i do also feel that at some point in time, they did genuinely care for me. and i do feel like i would like to apologize for the new places where i realize i caused them undue stress and frustration.

but i also feel that they would not accept this apology for those parts that i now recognize my own hand in without me accepting and apologizing for the narrative that i know is false. additionally… i do not feel as if they would accept or apologize for any of their own parts in the situation. i still feel theyre likely to reject that they hurt me very very deeply, and badly in return.

as much as i would like to start the conversation of potentially working out the issues and reconnecting as friends… i still feel as if they would view this as an impossibility. because i feel they view me as something of a monster, and not as someone who was under immense amounts of stress and pressure and was very confused and scared for months on end.

i recognize its very likely their feelings echo my own. except for the portion about potentially being friends again… i feel as if this is a forgone conclusion to them that it will not be happening.

all this said…

i also want to say this. in hindsight they were right about the tool they gave to me for one of my specific issues. the one they gave me before the start of it all. the one i was extremely adverse to accepting and trying to adapt to. i did not understand what its actual purpose was for at the time, nor did i understand how they actually meant for me to use it. because of some recent things ive learned about myself, as well as have been able to actually accept, i now understand what they meant. and ill admit that they were right about this one. its really helpful now that i understand what i was supposed to do with it.

they were right and i was wrong. simple as. at least, in regards to this one thing.