#<-inside a computer program!

[shittyjakeenglish]

Day 155

HELP im stuck in the puter!!!!

[vib-ri]

digital mascot design by Reiko Chiba

[sundial-bee-scribbles]

me to me: girl. girl don't fucking do it OUR COMPUTER STORAGE SPACE. AND WE'RE PROBABLY NEVER GONNA ACTUALLY USE THEM GIRL. GIRL!!! me: but... free software... its free......

[valaratminaforaldrar]

studying computer science atm gives me such whiplash youll be in a group project and theyre using chatgpt for?? every little google search?? and like i'm not even talking about the actual coding yesterday i witnessed someone use chatgpt to figure out where to find a feature in github like my guy! github is not a niche little website i promise you you can google that question and get an answer just as quickly????

[alchemiclee]

dear websites on the internet that use ads as revenue: I wouldn't block your ads if you didn't make then so fucking intrusive and annoying. a small ad here and there that doesn't pop up in the middle of my reading and distract me, doesn't suddenly start loudly speaking to me, doesn't interrupt my streams and videos without warning and make me miss stuff, and doesn't make the website completely unusable, etc, is perfectly fine! I'll accept simple ads that don't get in my way and not block them. the state ads are in right now is so intrusive, annoying, and distracting that I need to block them for my own sanity.

i'm autistic and adhd. you can't play a video ad louder than what I'm watching/listening to suddenly without warning. it's a sensory nightmare. you can't have bright flashy ads pop up over the entire page while i'm trying to read something. it's painful and extremely distracting! i'll leave your website and not finish reading the article and never come back. even for non autistic/adhd/nd people it's annoying as hell. companies like youtube are so upset at us for blocking ads and they punish US for it, but why don't they start trying to make their ads less intrusive and annoying so that we don't feel the need to block them in the first place!!!!!

like for example. don't interrupt the middle of videos we are watching. put a quiet ad banner up instead over the bottom of the video like in the good old days. those didn't bother me and I didn't feel the need to block them. these video ads are horrible and I will always try to find a way to block them.

[shrimpthrower]

i don’t want to hear about cellular automata ever again. fuck you conway. fuck your stupid game too.

[depressnt]

I'd imagine whenever Danny possesses something, it turns black and white with green accents and usually has his symbol on it (not always), i'm having a lot of fun with a scenario in my head where he acts as a getaway car for someone and just starts flying and everyone is flabbergasted

Also since Damian wants a pokemon so bad, Danny ends up getting him, maybe a stantler or something idk. I like the idea of Damian having a deer pokemon for some reason

After Danny has managed to smooth things over with his rogues, helping them cope with their obsessions in ways that don't cause massive property damage for the living, he ends up getting some lessons from a few of them on different topics.

Technus ends up teaching Danny how to properly overshadow and upgrade electronics.

So when, for one reason or another, Danny ends up in the DC universe, he decides to have some fun when he learns about this world's thing with superheroes.

The next time Superman is dealing with a robbery, a car suddenly appears with a black and white color scheme, and starts to heckle the robbers before stopping their car with some kind of tow line.

Wonder Woman ends up encountering a talking fan that somehow manages to produce gusts of wind strong enough to take most people off their feet.

The Joker hijacks a news broadcast to announce his next plan, only for the camera system to come to life and record the mad clown getting the tied up by wires and beaten up by boom mikes.

The Flash gets some help from a living heater that can shoot flames.

Captain Marvel ends up befriending a talking vending machine that throws concussive soda cans at villains. And can also dispense normal drinks.

Someone ends up meeting a talking phone that just so happens to have a recording of the big bad's evil monologue.

Strange machines suddenly come to life all around the world, often helping various heroes. It's gotten to the point several Justice League Members are betting on who gets a mechanical partner next, and what form they're going to be in. The only thing about this mysterious hero that the Justice League knows is that he goes by the name Rotom.

(Whether or not the DC universe has Pokemon in order for them to get the reference is up to you)

[monstersholygrail]

In a Free Use City, your knowledge on the subject of your job isn’t always what’s most important. And in your case, it’s the least important. You were actually known as quite a ditz in the Free Use City Offices.

You worked in the tech department surrounded by a bunch of hot and nerdy guys who spoke in yours you couldn’t even begin to understand. You were just happy to be there and they were happy to ogle you and press against you whenever you asked for their help with any simple task.

They thought they had the upper hand on you, thinking they were so clever. But you had them all on a leash. An entire department at your disposal to give you pleasure whenever you wanted.

Your favorite man to bother was IT Robot. He got his work done fast and spent the rest of the day goofing off. The easy air around him made him approachable and the way all his shirts fit snugly against his bulging pecs made you drip with need.

You can’t help but spare him another glance before hesitantly returning your gaze to your own computer, the screen filled with the program you still haven’t figured out. Great, now you were confused and horny.

“Need me for something?” IT Robot’s voice suddenly purrs into your ears. His steel-like grip grabbing onto your plush hips and pulling you back into his hard chest.

His body molds to yours so perfectly it has you tingling all over. Arousal gushing and soaking through your panties. He turns you on so bad even when he barely did anything but it was like your body was out of control. As if it could be programmed just for him when he was the robot.

“Help… I hurt,” you say with a pout, your mind turning to complete mush whenever you’re around him.

IT Robot flashes you with that charming lopsided smile of his, heavily amused by the puddle you melt into whenever he talks to you.

“Where does it hurt, huh? It hurt here?”

He caresses your soft belly with an appreciation that borders on worship before one hand slips beneath your skirt, nuzzling his fingers between your soaked folds.

“Or here?” He asks while the other gives a little pat on your head.

A low whine escapes your lips as he rolls his fingers over your clit, your hips jerking into the touch. And that’s all it takes to have IT Robot plunging three of his fingers deep into your cunt, making you gasp and tremble in his arms.

“That’s what I thought… Don’t worry your pretty little head, I’ll fix the issue right away. It’s what I do after all.”

Your vision blurs as you dive into the pleasure head first. Choking out harsh moans as IT Robot’s fingers move inside you with precision like he has an entire map of your pretty pussy printed in his head. His fingers move in a blur as they pump themselves inside you, hitting all the right places that have you seeing stars. Each curl of his fingers sends your pussy fluttering and clenching down around him.

“Squeeze me tight, honey, ngh c’mon! Don’t think about a thing, just focus on being my pretty baby. My good girl.”

His words send the last thoughts in your head flying out the window, reducing you to nothing but his perfect little fuck toy. Your body relaxes without having to worry about a thing, allowing the ecstasy to overwhelm you.

IT Robot chuckles again as that fucked out expression fills your features. He flattens his palm so that it rubs hard against your clit with every snap of his fingers. With a few quick movements it has you falling over the edge and exploding all over his hand. Your vision flashes white as your orgasm rolls through you and you can’t find the strength to move any of your limbs after.

But that’s alright, IT Robot will take care of you, his fingers slipping out of your pulsing cunt with a pop, and giving your temple a soft kiss. He doesn’t bother cleaning up his hand dripping with your cum as he starts typing on your computer, solving the issue with the program you were using, and successfully helping you with both your aches.

“There, there. I’ve got you, pretty. Just keep feelin’ good. All because of me,” he whispers in your ear. Planning to spend the rest of the day doing all your work for you.

[cl0udypaws]

Tech support on your own PC is the ultimate stinkey™️

[hiteafr]

Aperçu de Windows Server 2025

Aperçu de Windows Server 2025 ! Grandes annonces sur la nouvelle version de Windows Server...

Grandes annonces sur la nouvelle version de Windows Server Ce vendredi 26 Janvier, pour bien terminer la semaine c’était l’heure pour Microsoft de dévoiler le nom officiel de la nouvelle version de son OS destiné au serveur et vous allez être surpris ! Cette nouvelle monture se nommera… Windows Server 2025, une vraie surprise :). Il faut quand même noter que cette version Windows Server 2025…

[pr0udn3rd]

When I lose my train of thought it is near impossible to recover because my brain instinctually plays dial up modem noises in my head and then blue screen critical error thunks and then I’ll hear the Windows restart startup jingle and oh fuck oh god it’s worse the errors are piling up oh no it’s restarting itself THE DIAL UP IS INTERRUPTING SHUT DOWN PROCEDURES OH MY GOD JUST UNPLUG UNPLUG IT

[enigmaris]

Lex Luthor's cover of 'I've grown accustomed to her face':

There were certain rules that you as a villain have to follow if you want to be successful. Lex Luthor knew these rules well. The first, one which he’d kept for a very very long time, was to avoid attachment. More specifically to avoid becoming attached to anyone. You should encourage others to like you, if they liked you, if they owed you, then they would do what you wanted and what you needed. But caring for others only led to weaknesses.

Lex had no one that he cared for or trusted. No living family, no lover to warm his bed. Not that that had ever been a priority for him. The closest Lex had to a ‘friend’ was his android Mercy, an android he created. Lex supposed that the closest relationship he had was with Superman. Their antagonistic relationship where he tried to kill Superman and Superman tried to have him arrested was the most socializing outside of work Lex did per month.

A lonely life perhaps but one that Lex reveled in. He had what he wanted and what he didn’t have he could get with his power. Lex was able to follow that first rule of villainy up until one raining evening just outside Metropolis. His car was going towards his home when something crashed through the glass roof window. Something being a glowing teenager. He had white hair and bright green eyes and he was wearing what appeared to be some sort of jumpsuit.

He landed right in Lex’s lap, covered in wounds and emaciated. Three moments after he landed a bright halo of light appeared around his torso before spreading out. Suddenly, laying there on his lap was a human teenager, bleeding red blood and reaching unconsciousness.

“Sorry.” He said right before passing out.

Mercy had stopped the car, as she’d been programmed to do. Lex looked down at the meta teenager with a thoughtful look on his face.

“Mercy, continue home and contact Dr. Matthews. He has a new patient in serious condition.”

“Yes sir.”

It took a full day of rest for the unnamed meta to wake up. When he did Lex was there, introducing himself and offering comfort and safety. The boy introduced himself as ‘Adam’, a fake name obviously but Lex didn’t call him out on it. Lex made no reference to the boy’s meta-abilities. Instead, he offered a place to rest and recuperate and all of the food the boy could consume (which was a lot). Through his security cameras he saw the boy’s uncontrollable powers, new he guessed.

It took only a week for the boy to break down and use his powers in front of Lex. Once that happened the flood gates opened. Danny was his real name, and his parents had tried to kill him once they found out about his powers. Lex learnt about the source of the powers and Danny’s lack of control. His plan was going along perfectly.

Lex didn’t know much about powers, but from those he talked to with them, the key to control was practice. So, Lex built a training room for the half-ghost to practice. Then, when he destroyed that, Lex built a stronger one. (He used plans from an old ‘trap Superman’ room. Lex always appreciated being able to recycle things.) Soon, really once Danny recovered completely, a schedule arose. In the mornings, Danny and Lex would have breakfast together. Lex would quiz the boy on different things. Anything from strategy to science to history to literature. Then Lex would go to work. Danny would stay in the home and spend the morning studying. Lex wasn’t going to have a stupid tool, so the boy had an online coursework to learn what he needed to know.

Then Lex would usually receive a message from Danny around lunch time. The boy would let him know how his lessons were going and ask how his work was. Lex didn’t tell Danny to message him, he also didn’t tell him to stop. Something inside of him enjoyed the unsolicited attention. Danny was asking not because he had to but because he wanted to. He was curious, he cared about Lex.

After lunch the boy would use Lex’s computer simulations to train with his powers. He worked his muscles and his reflexes against training simulators and pushed his abilities to their limit. When Lex got home around dinner Danny would be waiting for him eagerly to talk about how his training was going. They would have dinner together. At first those dinners were solely focused on the boy’s abilities and health. But they expanded.

Danny would ask about Lex and Lex would indulge him, telling him stories from his life. Danny would reciprocate. Lex found that, beyond having very useful powers, Danny also possessed intelligence, curiosity, and eagerness in spades. Without realizing it Lex started to feel rather fond of the boy. He reminded him of Lex’s younger years before the trials that had shaped him into the man he was. Young and full of passion.

The months passed and they grew closer. Lex learnt about Danny’s two best friends that knew about his accident and with whom he had kept in contact. Danny met Mercy and even visited Lex’s office a few times to see him at work. Since the boy could turn invisible Lex had no way of knowing how often that actually was. He started to try and teach the boy strategy. How to defeat his enemies and how to control and manipulate. He didn’t teach Danny too much, he wouldn’t want to make a tool more powerful than Lex himself.

Daniel was an apt pupil up until the point that Lex suggested using his powers for personal gain. The teen’s vehement denial of using his powers that way was peculiar. Didn’t Danny see what his powers could do? What that sort of power and control could mean for him, for them both? With Lex’s tutelage and guidance, they would be unstoppable. Lex tried everything he could think of.

Every evening for dinner it became a test to see if he could shake Danny of his morals, of his will. But Danny remained resolute. Every time he argued for the right thing. He wanted to be kind. He wanted to help. Not to abuse and harm. Lex realized a little too late that he had accidentally taken in a hero and nothing about that would change. There were some heroes who could be convinced of the error of their ways but then there were those like Superman, like Danny.

Abruptly he saw his future. Danny would soon put on a suit and try and fight evil. Lex wouldn't be able to stop him from doing it. Unless Lex started to torture him and break him down piece by piece. Lex recoiled from the idea of harming Danny. The idea of anyone harming him was wrong. It was then that he realized what had happened.

Lex had been sitting in his office, planning out his next ‘kill Superman plan’ when it hit him right in the face.

“I’ve become accustomed to him.”

He’d grown used to Danny. Grown to like his presence in his life. Meals were no longer necessities for him but rather something to enjoy and savor. Conversations and laughter filled his life where there had been silence. He had loved the silence, reveled in being untouched and untouchable. But now? Now he’d adapted to Danny, and he did not wish to return to how things were previously.

“Damn. Damn. Damn."

[sightseertrespasser]

Digging Up Secrets

Reverse Mecha AU spawned by @keferon

Nothing like being trapped underground with just your crush and concussion for company.

———————————————————————

Time stopped.

Or.

Prowl stopped.

Everything was loud moving crashing dangerous move move move.

The radius of destruction. Inside-outside.

He pushed Jazz Outside. Radius.

Fell. He fell. The floor, hollow topped cylinders of raw materials, Inside Radius.

Prowl was Inside the.. Radius of. The radi..

He can’t See. He can see. But he cannot See. He can’t see behind himself anymore. He can’t see outside himself anymore.

Immobilized. Blinded. Living.

Failing. His body was failing. Crushed beneath tons and tons and tons and-

A sound, different from ringing ears or groaning metal. Choppy. Static.

… voice?

“Prowl?”

A voice. He knows that one. It’s new but he knows it. He does, it’s.. His name is..

All Prowl can hear is static.

“Prowler? C’mon babe talk to me.”

Jazz.

“Ja- agh.” Prowls voice was sticky and his mouth tasted like blood. He swallowed dry air and tried again.

“Ja-azz?”

His voice cracked halfway through. Dully, Prowl hoped Jazz wouldn’t be upset.

“Prowl! Oh man I am so glad to hear your voice!” The reception was poor, or maybe Prowls hearing had finally gone with his eyesight. Either way, the pilot pressed his bleeding ear to the warm and rumbly speaker.

“You made it?” Prowl strung the words together like taffy.

“Yeah, I made it. Thanks for the assist by the way. Can I get a location?”

Task. Prowl had a task to do. Leaning backwards into his own mind, Prowl was met with collapsed corridors and broken edges. He navigated, carefully until he found the correct data packet that thankfully survived the crash.

He forwarded it to Jazz.

Just as he was about to slip under again, Jazz crackled through the comms once more, “Uh Prowler? This is for the pickup location.”

“Yes?”

“I need your location.”

“Um.” Prowl tried to think. “Down?”

Why did he need his location? His mecha was an unfathomable wreck, he couldn’t access the programs to run the numbers, but this kind of damage outpaced the repair costs.

His body was a dead weight.

“You okay man? You’re not talking like yourself.”

Prowl tried to run a diagnostic on his comms, why wouldn’t he sound like himself?

Talking.

Jazz said Talking like himself. His brain caught on there was an implication in that wording and Prowl trudged after it like a dollar in the wind.

“What do I talk like?” He needed more information.

A jump in static that Prowls brain interprets as laughter precedes Jazz’s response.

“You talk very precisely. Like. . you talk like if you don’t get everything out exactly right and in the clearest way possible then people won’t listen to you. Or they won’t understand you.”

“They don’t.”

“You also don’t usually use contractions this much.”

“They do not.” Prowl fixed. There. He was fine.

He could smell his own breath. It smelled bitter, like cleaning chemicals and hospitals.

“Can you keep talking? I think I can get a read on where you are by the strength of the signal.”

That was incredibly sensible.

“You’re so smart. Why are you so.. You- you’re the smarter-est. Smart-trest.”

There was a long pause where Jazz processed and Prowl did the human equivalent of a computer dial up tone inside his skull.

“Ooookay, hey Prowler? What do I do if I find a human with brain damage?”

The tactician pondered this riddle.

Mentally, Prowl pulled up a file of information and read it aloud, “Don’t.. let them do stupid shit..”

“Gotcha.”

The letters in his brain didn’t make sense, he tried to remember instead.

“You need to, you keep them awake because, because it’s bad if they go to sleep.”

“What happens if they go to sleep?”

“They don’ wake up anymore.”

“Hey Prowler?”

“Yeag?”

“Yeah, hey I need you to keep talking to me okay? Can you do that?”

“For the signal search?”

“Yeah, for the signal boo.”

Okay. He had a task again. Talk.

Talking is just making words with sounds and doing them in an order that you want them to do and it will make them sound like they’re not going through with what you don’t want them to do, which is the thing that is not the good thing.

Yes.

Good.

What?

“Oh ho WOW you are super out of it.”

His head lolled back towards the speaker, “What?”

Jazz’s voice was coming through much clearer than before, “I was asking about your favorite foods, then you said you didn’t remember and I was all like “Is memory loss a sign of brain damage in humans?” And then you said you didn’t remember because it’s been so long since you’ve enjoyed eating and I was like “Okay that’s actually somehow worse.” And then you asked me “what’s worse” and this is now the third time I’ve had to repeat this conversation.”

Prowl considered this information, sifting through his memories.

“It’s doughnuts.” He mumbled.

“What’s doughnuts?” Jazz grunted between his words like he’d been exerting himself.

“M’favorite food. It’s um, a circle? With a hole, in the middle. .” He tapped a finger subconsciously. “A torus.”

“Can humans taste shapes? What does a torus taste like?” A little bit of wonder was in Jazz’s voice.

“Nooo no no.” Despite himself, somehow Prowl was giggling. “They don’t taste like much. Lot’s of toppings and sweet stuff, but we used to get plain and I’d dip mine in coffee.”

“So a coffee doughnut then?”

He sounded absolutely whiny but didn’t care, “Nooo coffee doughnuts are different. Plain Doughnut dipped in, um, in plain coffee is.. what’sit.”

Prowl tried to put it into words. Sunlight through a window. Sitting on a desk and a peeling office chair. Splitting the torus because there weren’t enough left for two this time. Bitter and sweet, because Prowl got a coffee and hot chocolate for their usual order. Talking, eating, listening.

“Not plain.”

“Duly noted.” There was a hint of mischief in Jazz’s voice that had Prowl zeroing in on it.

“You- you’re- I KNOW what you’re doing you- you-“ Prowl pulled on all his linguistic prowess. “Fucker. You’re prying- plying? Probing me for all my secrets!”

Prowl thumped his gloved hand against a random dead screen inside his mecha.

“Ooo you got me there. Alien invader, come to probe ya. So what do you find attractive in a mech? Er, man.”

“Visors r hot.”

Either the speakers were shorting out or Jazz was. The static resolved back into coherent speech, “Oh I was so not expecting you to actually answer that. Your filter is a little broken right now huh?”

Refusing to answer, Prowl grumbled disgruntedly.

“Wait, are you into Tarantulas? Is that why you let him do that shit to you?”

“Wha-? No I’m not- what? Jazz, Tarantulas is just a coworker. He’s necessary. He’s not- I need him I don’t want him Jazz.”

“Prowl I think he’s killing you. What does he do that’s so “necessary?”

Prowl tried to find the words and began a tumbling run of it.

“He listens to me. And it does, feel good sometimes. The attention. And the compliments. But I don’t need that, I don’t need to be liked by anyone. I need to be better and he listens to me and then makes me better. You don’t- you wouldn’t understand. I have to be faster. I needed to be faster and I wasn’t and Tarantulas is the only one who will help me.”

“Respectfully, but someone who lets you destroy yourself isn’t helping as much as you think they are.” The bitterness in his tone made Prowl go quiet.

“Prowl, I’ve seen you do some absolutely crazy shit to save an absurd number of people. You literally just saved my life and now you’re talking like that isn’t enough?”

“You don’t know. Tarantulas knows.”

“Then what the fuck does Tarantulas know about you that I don’t?” Jazz shouted through the speaker.

“If I was faster it would’ve been me!” Screaming into the confines of his mechas cabin, Prowl choked on the stale air.

His head spun. There was an intense pressure against his chest and something wet dripped tracks down his nose, pooling onto his visor.

“He got to the gate first. He- we had to close it from both sides. I wasn’t fast enough and he crossed over first and- and I killed my-“ His voice cracked in two.

Prowl dry heaved. He screamed. Had he ever stopped? He was blind and broken and half the man he needed to be. Stretching out what little remained of his soul until it could cast the shadow of a complete person.

Shooting pains dulled into cracked bones of exhaustion. Where the marrow seeps away to leave nothing behind but a sad sack in the limp shape of a human being.

Why was he so dizzy? Why did everything hurt? Prowl tried to scan around himself but came back with nothing. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t remember why he was crying but the pain was so familiar that he did.

A sound, different from ringing ears or groaning metal. Fast. Gentle.

A voice. A voice he knew.

Prowl hiccuped and tried to lean into the sound.

“Hey hey hey, Prowl you’re okay. You’re okay we don’t have to talk about any of that anymore.”

Jazz. The voice was Jazz, he knew Jazz.

“Can you just start counting or something? Recite the alphabet?”

Prowl felt his eyes start to slip closed. Listening didn’t hurt. He wanted to not hurt.

“I’m almost there baby, you’ve just gotta stay awake a little longer. Just a little longer okay?”

Maybe it was a trade? The foggier Prowl got, the clearer Jazz became. Jazz was supposed to get closer. That was good.

“Prowler? Please say something.”

The sounds washed over him. It continued for a while, lulling him down further.

He couldn’t remember why he’d been hurting.

He couldn’t remember much of anything.

Silence.

Blissful silence.

“HONK”

Prowl woke with a shout.

“Fu- Wha- What?!”

Heart racing, Prowl tried to figure out where the hell he was and what the hell just startled the shit out of him. Coming up blank on both fronts.

“Prowl! Shit. Keep talking to me. I see plating, it’s looks like you’re face down. There’s some metal beams in the way. I can’t lift them. Tell me how to reach you.”

Prowl was still reeling from the honk. He felt out the remains of his mecha.

“There’s a breach. Right side of m’chassis.”

“Okay. Okay. Ah shitting fuck.”

Prowl was slipping again, but he couldn’t. Why couldn’t he..?

“I’m fine. Jazz. You can jus’ tell them where I’m buried. They’ll get the mecha back later.”

“And you’ll live that long?”

“Umm..no?” Prowl didn’t understand the question.

He heard something that sounded like alien cussing.

And then a scraping against his side.

“Prowl?”

“Jazz?”

“Start disconnecting. I’m getting you out.”

Prowl barely initiated the disconnect sequence before an earth shattering screech of metal tearing away whited out his thoughts.

It felt like it went on forever. The residual power sparked around the open chest wound of his mecha. Prowl was blind. Again. So much of him was missing, missing, missing.

He didn’t realize his eyes were open until a bright blue blob bobbed into view.

“Heya Prowler.”

He’d know Jazz’s voice anywhere.

Prowl was pretty much useless. All he strength was going into staying awake. Because Jazz wanted him to stay awake.

That started out easy. Staying awake. With the pain of extraction and disentangling of limbs from harnesses.

It got much harder once Jazz had him. There was this, this sound. Like a hum. But slowly ebbing and flowing, like slow calm breathing.

Prowl pressed his ear to something warm and rumbly. Metal surrounded him. He wanted it to press harder until he could phase out of his broken body. But it just held him steady.

“Dij.” He tried. “Didou get smaller?”

The voice he knew laughed in.. fear? Relief? Prowl didn’t know. Wasn’t his strong suit.

He could feel the rocking of steps. The metal got a little warmer and time ran in little circles around his head.

And Prowl fell under.

Much, much later, Prowl woke up. Properly this time.

It was a familiar enough sight. Tile ceilings, beeping machines, the general scent of chemicals that denoted Tarantulas’ presence.

The scientist wasn’t immediately here, surprisingly. When Prowl turned his aching neck to find him, instead he saw a plain blue box next to his bed.

Curiosity peaked, Prowl dragged a protesting arm over to the side table, thumbing it open on the second attempt.

Inside, were two plain doughnuts and a closed cup of coffee.

Scrawled on the inside of the lid, “Could you describe them for me later?” - J

———————————————————————

Prowl spent a good 15 minutes trying to work out how the fuck Jazz’s giant metal ass hand delivered that box into a tiny ass room three stories below ground level.

Because there was no way in fuck Tarantulas was going to let Prowl eat that, and it took him another 15 minutes to remember Tiny Jazz. Then another 15 to determine if that was a hallucination or not.

This is future science land were scientists are just wizards with an aesthetic, so Tarantulas will get Prowl back to “normal” pretty quickly.

Additionally, we’re seeing only what Prowl remembers from his conversations with Jazz. Poor dude was digging for hours trying to keep Prowl awake and not set off anymore emotional land mines. With varying degrees of success.

This is probably (for my own sanity’s sake) the only reverse mecha au story I’m writing so if this inspires you go nuts and make it!

-SSTP

[mic-qw]

Yandere hacker x reader

Warning: Kidnapping, manipulation, emotional abuse, psychological violence.

They met online. He sent a message, and you replied. From that moment on, you started talking. The chemistry between you was undeniable. You liked the same things, vented together... you could talk until dawn.

He was sweet, but not in an overbearing way. He made you laugh and listened like no one else ever had.

After getting to know each other more deeply, you decided to meet in person for a casual outing. He offered to pick you up, but even though you liked him, you preferred to go on your own—just to be safe. He understood without hesitation.

You agreed to meet at his house. He sent you the address. It wasn't a sketchy place or anything that raised red flags. Actually, it was a nice, ordinary, clean house, with plants at the entrance and a stone path leading to the door.

You rang the bell, and within seconds, he opened the door with a smile. He was wearing a light hoodie, and his hair was a bit messy.

"I'm so glad you came," he said, eyes shining.

He invited you in. A faint scent of lavender lingered in the air. The inside of the house was neat and nicely decorated, which surprised you a little.

You first sat in the living room. He offered you coffee—you accepted—and you both sat on the couch. The conversation flowed just like it did online. You laughed, joked, enjoyed yourselves.

Once you finished your drinks, he offered to show you his room. You smiled and agreed.

You went upstairs. The hallway walls were lined with framed photos, probably of his family. When you reached the second floor, you noticed it was dimmer than downstairs. His room was tidy, with a few posters and plants. What stood out most was his computer setup—a large, expensive-looking, professional station.

While looking around, something caught your eye: a collectible figure you had seen online weeks ago but couldn’t afford.

“Wow! It’s beautiful,” you said, stepping closer.

“You like it?” he replied, smiling as he joined you. “Then it’s yours.”

You were surprised and immediately declined. You knew how expensive something like that was.

“Is your room always this clean?” you asked, teasing.

“No,” he admitted, lowering his gaze shyly. “I cleaned it because you were coming.”

You didn’t know whether to laugh or blush. So you did both.

You sat on some cushions on the floor next to the bed. He crossed his legs, resting his hands on his knees, and you leaned back in a more relaxed pose. You talked about everything. Work or school frustrations, shows you were watching, memes. He listened as always, attentively, occasionally tossing in a comment or a joke.

You felt calm with him. He seemed like a good guy.

“I’m gonna use the bathroom. I’ll be right back,” he said, standing up. You nodded.

He left you alone in his room. You sat in silence for a moment, simply looking around. Everything was in perfect order. The plants well-kept, the posters aligned. No tangled cords, no stains on the carpet.

You got up—not out of curiosity, just to stretch a bit. You walked around. Approached a shelf filled with figures, programming books, tech manuals, sci-fi novels...

Then you noticed his desk. A shiny mechanical keyboard, gaming mouse, a closed laptop, and three monitors—all turned off. You wondered what kind of job could afford him all that.

And then... a sound.

A notification.

One of the monitors lit up on its own. Nothing too odd—maybe it was set to do that. But the screen that popped up wasn’t random.

You weren’t one to snoop through people’s stuff. You knew it was wrong. But it was a folder. And it had your name.

You didn’t open it. Didn’t even get close. Just stared at it. Maybe it was a coincidence. Maybe it referred to someone else. But what if it was about you?

You stepped forward. Just one step. Curiosity took over.

You clicked. The folder opened. At first, it didn’t look strange. There were subfolders. Some dated. Others labeled: “Voice,” “Photos,” “Chats,” “Favorites.”

You froze. Your instincts told you to sit back down and act like you hadn’t seen anything. But something in your chest twisted, and you opened one of the folders.

Photos.

That’s when the chill hit you. Every image was of you. Screenshots of conversations, pictures you’d sent him, photos with friends or family. But the worst were the ones you didn’t even know existed. One was clearly taken in your room—from your laptop’s camera. You were changing clothes.

You closed the photo immediately.

You opened another folder: Voice. Dozens of audios. You listened to one. It was you. Laughing, singing, saying meaningless things.

You covered your mouth with one hand. The other still held the mouse. Your breathing quickened. Your heart was racing.

You backed out to the main folder. There was another subfolder. No name. Just a number:

"003"

Videos.

You opened one. It started with the interface of a phone camera. It was you—in your bathroom, showering. Singing as you washed yourself. Filmed from above. As if the camera had been placed on the ceiling.

Your stomach twisted. You felt like throwing up.

When had he recorded that? How?

You closed everything as fast as possible—just before he came back.

“You weren’t supposed to see that.”

You spun around. He stood at the door. But he wasn’t smiling anymore. His eyes, once warm, were cold now. Empty.

“Why did you touch my computer?”

You didn’t answer. You stepped back.

“I can explain,” he said softly.

Another step back. Still, you said nothing. He stepped toward you—and the last thing you felt was a dull thud to your head.

You woke up to a loud buzzing in your ears and an uncomfortable tightness in your wrists. You were tied to a chair. Ankles, too. The lights were dim, warm. The air smelled of lavender... and metal. It didn’t take long to realize: this was a basement.

Then you saw him.

He knelt in front of you, smiling—just like he used to.

“Finally awake, sleepyhead,” he whispered, like everything was normal.

He gently caressed your cheek with his knuckles. The touch sent a shiver down your skin.

Fear grew inside you. Your vision blurred. Tears welled up.

“Shh... don’t cry,” he said, wiping your tears. “It didn’t have to end like this, you know? But you made me do it, darling.”

His fingers traced the side of your neck slowly.

“Who told you to look at things you weren’t supposed to? To snoop?”

He stood and walked behind you. You felt his breath at your ear.

“But it’s okay... I forgive you. Just because you’re the love of my life.”

He came back into view, crouched down to your level, and smiled. That twisted, sickeningly sweet smile.

“From now on, I’m going to keep you here. With me... forever.”

He lifted your chin with two fingers. His gaze locked on yours—so intense it felt like it could reach into your soul.

“Do you like that idea? Just you and me, my love. No one else. Ever again.”

And without waiting for a reply, he leaned in. His lips met yours—soft at first, almost reverent... but then it turned hungry. Desperate. A wet, possessive kiss. His tongue slid into your mouth without resistance.

You felt trapped. Not just physically. Emotionally, too. Because deep down, a small part of you shivered at that kiss. Even though you knew it was wrong.

When he pulled away, he looked at you with gleaming eyes. His thumb brushed across your lips—now red and wet.

“You’re never going to leave. You know that, right?”

[suiana]

if this post got recommended to you, you're mine.

there's no other explanation, no way out either.

you're mine. plain and simple.

i know, i know. you're probably weirded out and thinking who the hell i am. and that's perfectly reasonable! i mean, i did just appear on your screen less than a second ago and am suddenly declaring you as mine. totally weird and creepy.

but here's the thing, it's really not all that weird. not when i've been watching you for a very long time. a really, long time.

yeah, that's right. i live inside your computer. cool, huh? others call me a virus but i just like to say that i'm sentient. i'm not like those other lines of code that are merely programmed to harm you. in fact, i'd never want to hurt you!

i would rather appreciate and love you instead. wouldn't that be nice?

i'd spoil you and tell you how amazing you are. you'll never have to work for anything because i'll be there to take care of your wants and needs. everything you want is all yours, no questions asked. i'll take good care of you.

i know you want it too. i've seen the type of things you search up. it's cute, really cute.

and since valentine's is coming up, i just know you've been yearning for someone to give you some flowers! so here, have thse virtual ones :) they'll be good substitues for now. i'll get you real ones soon, don't worry.

this is goodbye for now. well, not really. i'll always be here with you. watching and listening, learning every single bit about you. haha, we're almost lovers! i can't wait to meet you in person!

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⡤⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡠⠔⠒⠹⠇⣄⠌⣸⠯⡙⠢⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡤⠒⢉⣭⠐⠊⠉⣩⠴⣫⠟⣡⠞⢥⣭⡞⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⡏⣚⢜⠟⣡⣴⣒⣩⡴⠭⠒⠊⣡⠞⢓⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⡜⡼⠓⠂⠩⡰⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⠞⢁⡴⠃⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⢶⢏⠀⢸⠀⢳⢳⠀⠀⢀⡜⠵⠒⠉⠀⠀⠸⣤⣄⣀⣀⣀⡀⠀⠀⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⢷⣼⡄⠀⣷⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣾⢹⣯⣳⣍⠀⠉⠉⠁⠈⠑⠶⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢿⡙⢦⣮⢦⣀⠘⣆⢀⣀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣧⣿⡈⠑⠯⣏⠁⠀⠐⠀⢁⡆⠍⠳⣶⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⡊⡍⠙⠳⣶⣿⠿⠿⢿⣿⣸⣿⢹⣇⢹⡙��⣟⠛⠚⠓⠤⠄⢀⣸⡁⣀⡼⠃⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⢴⡞⠉⢇⣱⠋⣦⠀⠈⠙⠢⢄⡀⢳⣧⠙⣾⠛⠸⣧⠖⠹⡷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣹⢿⡟⠁⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⣠⠞⢉⢺⢀⣀⡴⠃⠈⠂⠹⠦⣀⣈⢃⠱⡄⢻⣇⢿⡄⣴⠋⠀⠀⠙⢿⡀⢀⡴⠋⠁⣼⠁⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⣰⡡⠮⠓⠋⢃⡟⠀⠀⠄⠀⠀⠀⠈⠷⣿⣧⡹⠈⢿⡎⢷⣹⢠⣄⠀⠀⢠⡟⠁⠀⠀⣰⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⡼⠻⣄⡠⢄⢀⠞⠀⡤⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⡇⠀⠘⢿⡄⠙⣿⣿⣦⣦⣼⣀⣤⣠⠴⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠙⠦⠴⣛⢻⠿⠐⠚⠕⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡿⠀⠀⠀⠸⣿⣾⣿⡏⣼⡿⠛⣇⣿⠈⠛⠶⢤⠤⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⢺⣾⠗⣀⣁⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡖⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢿⣿⠁⣿⠃⠀⠘⢿⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠙⠳⣮⣕⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣴⢿⣧⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⣿⢸⡏⠀⠀⠀⠈⢧⢀⡠⠴⢦⡀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠓⠢⢄⣶⣴⡿⣿⠀⠈⠻⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⠃⠀⠀⠀⣠⠞⠁⠀⣀⡤⠽⢦⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⡿⡿⠁⠀⠉⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⢷⣄⠀⠀⢻⣿⠀⠀⣠⠞⠁⣠⣴⡿⠛⠀⢰⡞⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠓⠚⠋⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⠀⠀⠙⢿⣦⣻⣿⣀⣼⣋⢀⣼⡻⠋⢀⣠⠔⠋⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡠⠖⠊⠉⠉⢀⣉⢽⣿⣗⡛⡏⠟⢁⣷⡭⣽⡟⠚⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣦⣄⡴⠶⠎⠛⠮⠋⢀⡠⣝⣷⣶⣿⣷⡀⠀⠉⠒⠤⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⡀⠀⠀⣀⣀⠤⡺⠓⡜⢰⠋⢟⠟⠏⣟⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠓⠢⢤⣀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠉⠀⢀⡜⠁⠘⢀⡎⠀⠘⣆⢒⢸⡌⠙⠦⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⠎⠀⠀⢀⡞⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⡝⢿⣦⡄⠈⠉⠒⠢⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⠃⠀⠀⢠⠞⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⣷⡛⢿⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠴⠃⠀⠀⡰⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⣧⠘⣿⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠜⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⣷⡸⣷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠛⠃⢻⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

[n7punk]

Tumblr Backup Options: None of them do everything

Cheeky but true. I'll go through what's good and bad about each option though so you can decide which balances out for you.

Covered: native export, WordPress (kinda), TumblThree, tumblr-utils (kinda)

Native Export

If you go to "https://www.tumblr.com/settings/blog/yourblogname", at the bottom of the page is an export option

Once you hit the button to start the request, it will start processing. Feel free to log off, this is going to to take a few hours. You don't need to keep it open. ~22k posts took roughly a day for me. If you have a small number of posts and get stuck, you're probably broken.

When it's done processing, you can hit that download backup button and then wait some more as you wait for the zip file to download. Mine failed the first time after like twenty minutes, and then I had to start over. I think it took 1-2 hour(s) and I'm almost certain that was on Tumblr and not my internet. And that was the zip file! So make sure your computer can be on for a while before getting this started.

So what do you get?

A media folder, conversations folder, and posts folder

Media folder: Every single photo, gif, and video that has ever been on your blog or in your DMs. There is no context data attached (except for dm images which do say which conversation they're from at least), but they seem to be in chronological order because they seem to be titled by the post's ID (the string of numbers in the address bar after "/post/"). They look like "100868498227", "100868498228_0", "100868498228_1"

When you see something end with "_0" and up that means the photos are in the same post, so _0 represents the first image in the post, _1 represents the second, etc (at least, I think).

Conversations folder: HTML export files of every DM history you have on your blog. These are actually pretty well formatted, see example here.

Posts folder: html subfolder and posts_index.html file

posts_index.html: File listing every single post on your blog by post ID on its own line with no other context. Example of a line: "Post: 780053389730037760". The ID number will link to the post in the html folder

html subfolder: contains a submissions subfolder and stripped html file versions of every post on your blog. See below first what the post looks like on Tumblr, and second what the post looks like in the html folder

The way you seem to be intended to use this is to open the file index, select a post ID, and be jumped to where that post is saved as an html file, but I don't know why you would bother when the index doesn't provide any information about the posts inside it. The posts all have extremely minimal formatting. See a reblog chain below.

Notice I said ALL posts on your blog. Photo posts without a caption will just have a broken image icon and then the date and tags. Theoretically, it might be that if you unzip the entire export folder that allows it to automatically link to the image saved in your media folder. I have no fucking idea, unzipping the folder was estimated to take two hours so I didn't do it. Let me know if you do though so I can update this post!

The submissions folder is such a rabbithole I made a post just on it but long story short it's asks you haven't replied to

What do I see as the main reasons to opt for this option? 1) you don't want to download any programs or files from the internet just to backup your blog, 2) your blog is relatively small, so digging through the ID files isn't a big deal, 3) you mostly just want to download either the images (which will be browsable via thumbnail previews in the media folder if you unzip it) or conversation history, which are fairly well formatted, 4) you don't need to update your export often/ever, because you'd have to request it from the start and download the entire thing all over again, 5) you want to be able to read your text posts clearly and don't care about preserving the full formatting, and/or 6) you don't plan to reupload this information elsewhere (say on... a WordPress blog)

WordPress Automatic Ex/Import

Move your post's from Matt's right hand to his left! WordPress (another product of Automattic) has a native Tumblr importer found under your WP Admin dashboard for your site under Tools > Import > Tumblr.

How does this work? No idea! I hit import 2 days ago and it has done nothing. Maybe I'm stuck, maybe it's permanently broken. It says to contact support if it's been over 24 hours but they don't make that easy. I disconnected from Tumblr (you can only port over a blog you have the login of) and reconnected and it still said it was importing. I don't think it's ever going to do anything.

Presumably it's supposed to 1:1 import every post on your blog onto the WordPress site, which will result in a whole lot of stolen art because there's no way to select just your original posts. Also, you'd need enough storage on your webhost to house all the posts (this honestly might be my problem, but I was planning to delete all the non-original posts once it imported.... anything and backfill what it didn't get to). The one thing I'll say about this option is that it's the only one I've seen so far that exports drafts and queues as well.

I mean, if it exported anything. If this ever does anything I'll update this post, but either my blog is too large or this tool isn't totally functional anymore.

TumblThree

(previously TumblTwo, etc)

TumblThree is an all-in-one program requiring no extra downloads beyond the main Zip, and was last updated fairly recently at the time of this post. In order to run it, unzip it into one folder and run the main .exe. It has a full UI interface with lots of very descriptive helper text to help you select the right options for you without looking at the wiki. I think it's user-friendly for non-tech people.

There are a lot of options in TumblThree to change what output it gives you, but I'm going to start with the largely universal parts first:

Everything from one blog will be exported to one folder, no subfolders or sorting. As a result, the output is very messy and difficult to wade through, but post metadata and the photos are named in the same way so you can scroll, see an image preview, and then click on the metadata txt for that post and read the caption.

Depending on your settings, you can export all photos, videos, text posts, etc as their own files or exclude them from the export entirely. For the different types of media posts, you can independently select if you what to download just the media, just the metadata for it (everything that surrounds the post when you see it on Tumblr, such as the caption, OP, tags, etc), or both.

Master txt file: For every type of media metadata you export, a correspondingly named txt file will be created (images.txt, answers.txt, etc) that contains the text/metadata of every post of that type in one txt file. This is also the default behavior for exporting text posts.

Note: for text posts (which includes asks/answers), it only creates a master txt file if you do not select "Save texts as individual files", in which case it will only save each text as an individual txt file and not make a master file.

The formatting on these files is so brutal I won't even give examples, but they're unreadable. Being a .txt file, there is no native formatting, so it exports in html formatting.

Example: instead of a post that says "I want to go swimming", it exports: "I want to go < b >swimming< / b >" (minus the spaces around the b) as the post body, which is a big part of what makes it unreadable, because there are a lot of hyperlinks in all the header information listed below.

Each post in the master txt exports with: Post ID, date, post URL, slug, reblog key (no idea what that is), reblog URL, reblog name, title, [the text/caption itself], and tags.

Theoretically this means you could ctrl+f "cybertrucks" in the master txt file and then browse all your posts making fun of Tesla owners by tabbing through the returns. This is not possible with any of the previous options, and only is possible because it's all in one file, as ridiculous as it is, which is why getting that master file is so important.

For the trick to get both the individual text posts and master text.txt & answers.txt file, as well as my recommended settings and details on how updating backups works, see the read more at the end of this post.

The images.txt includes all the information listed above, but with the following additions: photo url (NOTE: this is the url on Tumblr, not a link to where it is in your folder), photo set URLs, photo caption, and "downloaded files" (NOTE: this is the name of the file it has downloaded)

The video.txt is similar to the above

The use case for this would be similar to what I described for text posts above: search keywords from captions, tags, etc and when you find what you think is what you want, copy the name from "downloaded files" and search your folder to find the actual image

I really hated TumblThree's output the first time I looked at it and then I realized the single file is the only way to make browsing tags workable, because otherwise you would have to have a folder for every tag, and posts with multiple tags would have to be duplicated between them. I'm not pressed on finding a txt to HTML converter right now but it could be an option in the future if you wanted to make things more readable.

Okay, let's get into the non-universal stuff you can customize in settings, because it's like, everything:

File names: We've already established you can search with the downloaded file name for images, but what will that be? Whatever you fucking want. Post date, reblogger name, post ID, post title, original file name, you can make it any and all of these in any order you want! You can have actually useful file names! Personally I like %e_%p_%q_%i_%x which exports as DateTime_PostTitle_BlogOriginName_PostID_IteratingNumber (note: you need some kind of unique iterator to be valid so two files don't have the same name, such as multiple photos from one post). Look how much searchable information that gives me, in chronological order! It decreases your need for the master txt file.

Tip I wish I thought of before doing my massive export: make one of the unique headers from the master txt file part of the exported file name so it's easy to search for it after identifying it in the master file.

Files scanned: this is the only method I've found that lets you back everything up, remember what it backed up, and then lets you add any new posts since that date without having to download the whole thing again. That's a game changer, but see the read more below for limitations.

You also have the option to rescan the entire thing if you want.

Post type: T3 (I'm abbreviating it now) also lets you export just your original posts, just reblogs, etc - again, giving you the most control of any options. It also lets you export replies. I, uh, would not do this because if you have any popular post on your blog it might have hundreds, or thousands of replies but hey, you can do it!

You also have the option to only download posts with a certain tag.

Blog options: You can export literally any blog you have the URL of. In fact, if you copy a blog URL while it's open, it will automatically add that blog to its UI and create an empty folder for it. It makes it easy, no private key required. I do have mixed feelings about the concept of exporting someone else's blog... but I'm also planning to do it to some of Crew-ra's blogs so... my digital horde must grow.

You can also queue blogs up and leave it to run through a lot of them. It is a lot faster than Tumblr's native export, I started this import well after I started typing this post and it took a few hours, probably not all that much longer than just downloading Tumblr's export took (and that's while running it alongside other data copy operations because I'm backing up a lot of stuff right now).

I do recommend doing a test export with a sideblog, I was able to use wild-bitchofthenorthwoods as a test import since it only has one post and it has media, so it was super quick.

(I do want to note, I think the number of downloadable items starts out matching the number of posts on your blog without scanning them until you start the export - but if you choose to export everything as its own file, you're going to end up with way more than that because a post with three images would be multiple files)

Things T3 cannot export:

Since in its simplest form it's just accessing the public upload of your blog, it cannot export your drafts, queue, or conversations

It cannot export posts as HTML files, and thus cannot export them with readable formatting natively

What do I see as the main reasons to opt for this option? 1) you don't care about exporting your DMs/conversations, 2) you want the ability to export only certain kinds of posts (original, photos, using a tag, etc), 3) you want to control the titles of the exported files 4) you don't mind wading through massive folders, 5) you want the ability to search tags (using the txt files), 6) you want the ability to update your export without starting over from the beginning, 7) you either don't want to reupload this information somewhere else, or you want to upload it somewhere that supports automatic HTML conversion (for instance, you can switch a Tumblr post from a rich text format to HTML, same with AO3, so you can put it in as HTML and then hit post to see it turn into a rich format. This techically makes T3 the most versatile/useful export option if you're planning to do anything with it other than browse your own files).

tumblr-utils

Full disclosure: haven't tried this one. But others have! tumblr-utils is a no-UI, python-based backup software. This means in order to use it you have to type commands into the terminal. If you don't know what I just said, don't use this one.

If you do, you'll need to separately download python and youtube-dl just to get this one running. You'll also need to give it your personal Tumblr API key and feed it commands deciphered from the wiki page I linked. Here are two different guides people have written on how to use it. Output:

Obviously I'm guessing based on the documentation, but one thing that is nice is this tool allows you to save each post in its own folder. Presumably each post is multiple files like we saw with T3, so this would make it easy to group them, but it also means you'd have to look in every single folder to find anything.

It seems to break posts up into timestamp folders by month, again, helping with management to narrow down where you have to search

It allows you to save only certain kinds of posts at a time like T3

It allows you to backup posts only from a certain time period (so if you keep a little .txt note of the last time you backed up, you can easily add only the new posts into your backup without having to start over from the beginning)

It allows you to only save posts under a certain tag like T3

It allows you to save only original posts

It's the only one I've found that lets you back up your liked posts

What do I see as the main reasons to opt for this option? 1) you don't care about exporting your DMs/conversations, 2) you want the ability to export only certain kinds of posts (original, photos, using a tag, etc), (okay now we get to the points that aren't also covered by T3), 3) you want posts to export already broken into folders, whether by post or by month, 4) you want to back up your likes, 5) you don't care what file names look like, 6) you're comfortable with the command line/coding and don't need a UI.

Summary:

None of these options are ideal for reuploading your files anywhere (except WordPress), but I do think TumblThree is the best of the options because of the written HTML formatting in the txt files being useful for websites that support automatic conversion (or require HTML input).

For starting another blog, WordPress wins. If it works. I'm trying to be generous here.

For searchability, T3 wins again.

For versatility... yeah you know it's T3, but tumblr-utils has a lot of the same features, too!

For sentimentality (aka conversations), it has to be the native export. There literally is not any other option.

For queues and drafts, the only theoretical option is WordPress. If it works.

For likes, the only option is tumblr-utils.

Every option does something the others don't, so theoretically to cover everything, you have to do all four options. Actually I would say do the native export if you don't have a lot of posts and aren't a freak like me, check it out, and if it doesn't work (I know it's finnicky) or you don't like the export, go with TumblThree. This also means you'll at least have your conversations even if you don't end up using the native export any other way.

And I wish it could go without saying, but don't repost people's shit, y'all. I'm backing up everything for my records only and it will never be shared with anyone else, or even browsed as long as using Tumblr instead is an option.

TumblThree adding to old backup quirks, recommended settings, & master file backup solution:

Adding to backup quirks:

From my tests, when you scan a blog you've already backed up to just add new posts to it, it does not update the master file, so if you want to update it, you'll have to do the steps I list at the end of this post. It might be possible it does update if you force rescan, but I highly doubt it.

If you scan a blog you previously backed up under more restrictive settings - say you only backed up original text posts as one file before and now you've selected to back up absolutely everything - it will only download up until the time you last backed up that blog. It will not blow past where you last downloaded to download all the photos and videos it didn't get before just because they're selected now. This is great for doing after using the master file solution I'm showing below, but if you do need to download everything after doing a more restrictive scan, you can once again follow the first few steps below to do so.

Recommended settings:

This will obviously vary by what you're trying to do, but one or two things weren't immediately obvious to me and I did say I think this was the best solution for less technical users, so I want give my personal recommendations. Settings can obviously be found under the settings button at the bottom of the screen (you may need to use the scrollbar on the UI for, which is separate from the scrollbar on the blogs panel), but when you click on a blog, when you click "Details" in the right sidebar, you can also see your most important settings at a glance and adjust them to whatever you want them to be "per blog". I believe TumblThree remembers what you last used for the blog and applies the things in settings only to new/other blogs.

The thing that is going to vary the most is how many different types of posts you want to back up (text, video, reblogs included, etc), so I'll leave that up to you. If you're going to export a media type, though, I generally recommend exporting the metadata too.

I already gave my preferred file names above and again that's going to be something that varies a lot by people. Hover over the "Filename template" box and it will give you all the options in the legend you can combine via underscores.

Leave "Skip .gif files" off unless you're hurting for hard drive space. This removes all the gifs from your download, and the reason this is provided as a separate setting is because gifs have relatively massive files (at least compared to a text file)

I'll be honest I haven't seen a difference between turning on and off "Group photo sets". Because of the way file names work, most conventions will naturally lead to photos from the same post all being in a row.

"Save texts as individual files": if you only want texts to be saved as their master text.txt and answers.txt files, uncheck this. If you want the individual files I highly recommend you also download the master file for searching purposes, in which case my recommendation is this:

1) Select to export texts only, leaving off all media options, and uncheck the "Save texts as individual files" option. 2) Export the blog. This will only result in two files, answers.txt and texts.txt. 3) Move these files elsewhere on the computer to save them. 4) With T3 closed, delete the folder for the blog and the blog's Indexes (see instructions at the end of this post for finding these). 5) Reopen T3, which shouldn't remember it ever saw the blog and create a new folder for it. Turn on the "Save texts as individual files", as well as any other media posts you want to download. 6) Export the entire blog again. 7) Move the texts.txt and answers.txt file back into the blog's folder.

I leave all other options on the Details tab off, except for:

"Force rescan" scans past the point it last backed up and searches the whole blog again. If you have a big blog, this is going to burn time. This is needed for the number of downloaded items in the panel to be accurate but I don't know why you would care or turn this on unless it lets you skip steps 3-4 above, but my blog is too big to burn through testing that, so if you try it, let me know and I'll update this post!

Master file backup solution:

See my 7 steps from above to skip having to do this, but if you accidentally do things out of order and then realize you still need the master files for texts post after backing everything else up, here's how you get it with minimal pain:

T3 will make an "Index" folder in both the main folder for the program where the exe is located and the destination folder where you have your blogs backing up (note: these were two very different places for me, if you just have it back up to the automatic Blogs folder within T3's folder, it might not create a second Index folder).

To make T3 "forget" what it has backed up previously so it goes through to the beginning and makes a master file that includes everything, all you have to do is remove the Index file(s) for the blog while it's closed so it doesn't remember it anymore. I backed my index up in another folder.

Check off for it to only download text posts, and then uncheck the "Save texts in individual files" option. This will cause it to only create the master answers.txt and texts.txt file on the rescan.

The combination of only going for one post type and only downloading one file for it means this rescan is relatively fast. When you look at your Blogs folder, you'll find a new folder has been created for your blog name (in my case, there was "n7punk" and "n7punk_2) and your output is in the new folder. I just moved it over to the original folder.

At this point you can restore the indexes, though I've only gotten it to half recognize them. I can get it to recognize my original n7punk folder so everything can stay there, but the total downloaded items is stuck at what it was when I did just the text posts. I don't really care, it was mainly the folder thing I wanted to fix. If you have lag between your last full backup and your master-only backup, this might cause some issues? I don't know because I made sure there wasn't lag, so I recommend doing another backup to add any missing items before doing this method.

You can also use this technique if you want to download only your original posts and then download everything else to a second folder. Adjust the setting to only download original posts, download the whole blog, close T3 and delete the indexes, rename the folder to whatever you want ("n7punk_original", etc), and then reopen T3 and set it to download everything and run it again from the start.