#<-communities im specifically speaking about here

[ohgreat-moretapes]

Tim I noticed a lot of indigenous patches on your jacket, are you Native?

Idk what my dad was 'cause I never knew him, but yeah my mom is (or... Was.. I guess..) Muscogee, the tribe native to the part of Alabama I'm in.

If I remember correctly she came to Alabama from Oklahoma (where a lot of Natives were displaced to in the 1800s) to "get back to her roots."

But yknow, I was separated from her in childhood (which tbh is upsettingly common for Native families) and I was raised in a very white very Catholic asylum so I'm not as connected to the culture as I'd like to be.

-Tim

[mosspapi]

Hm. I am like... actively getting severely distressed and worked up about this assignment and I think the reason why is Significantly deeper than just "there aren't enough instructions". Like so much deeper I almost don't even wanna post about it. We live in a society bottom text

[waepenwifestre]

Let's Talk About Security Culture: Why Keeping Secrets is Cool and Sexy

It's a natural impulse -- if you love crime -- to want to talk about how great it is. And if you hate America, it's only natural to want to share your dreams for its future with the rest of tumblr dot com. It can feel brave and transgressive. And there is a drive to share your soul with the world at the heart of social media. Surely I should be posting the most concrete implications of my politics, right? This is the poster's curse.

Security Culture refers to a set of "best practices" developed over the past several decades, largely (in a US context) coming out of radical environmental groups as they faced intense state repression, infiltration and entrapment. If you're not familiar, there's some fascinating crimethinc write ups to give you a window into that world:

Much of it boils down to: don't talk about crimes, past or forthcoming with people who don't need to know about them, and be mindful of the possibility of surveillance and infiltration. And, we can support each other as a community in minimizing risks, with an eye towards enabling bold action rather than getting bogged down in fears and anxieties. The guidelines that make sense for AG-based trouble-makers are different from the guidelines that make sense for posters, but plenty of common principles apply. To speak briefly to our position here as posters:

First, it bears saying that long term anonymity is nearly impossible to maintain. Unless you've never accessed Tumblr without a vpn, and avoided connections with other ppl who can be associated with you/your location, and never shared pictures without scrubbing metadata, and a bunch of other 100% consistent steps, it's trivial for the state to know who you are.

Second, just because something isn't actively being prosecuted now doesn't mean it can't be prosecuted later. The priorities of the state change and a shift in power towards the right or a growth in radical action from the left can suddenly make it a priority to destroy anarchist networks or just find a few ppl to prosecute as examples (who probably weren't that plugged into larger networks before getting arrested). Advocating for specific anti-government crimes or declarations of intent to commit such crimes are likely prosecutable, and even if charges don't stick, they're an easy vector for legal harassment.

Third, it's worth thinking about heat as separate from prosecutability. There are modes of engagement that may not be directly criminalized but signal that you are someone worth watching. Some people choose to be public in ways that make heat unavoidable. But it's worth noting that heat isn't strictly individualized, that it persists over time but also is going to shrink over time.

It's easy on here, ime, to see yourself as a proud member of the crime fandom but not much of a content creator. And it's easy to feel like you've generated an amount of heat where you're locked into that role. But heat you generated 10 years ago is probably pretty well gone. Heat you generated 5 years ago has faded substantially. It's worth thinking about how the world might shift in the coming years and what doors you want to keep open.

The non-individualized nature of heat also means that leaning into the spiciest of anti-state positions will make it a bad idea for people who are acting out those positions end up tied to you. Loudly talking about how "more people should be doing [X/Y/Z]" unfortunately sets you up to remain distant from people who might be doing or thinking about doing such things.

Which brings me back to: keeping secrets is sexy. Not spelling everything out builds intrigue. You can lay out a theoretical position and leave working out the practical implications of that as an exercise for the reader. There's value in opacity. The poster's curse and the drive to confess are extremely convenient for the state, but we can resist them. We can hold dreams in our hearts that we refuse to offer up to the posting spectacle.

[cheriladycl01]

hiii 💕

If possible I was wondering if I could request a fic where the reader (f) is a driver and gets in an accident but due to her parents not supporting her racing they aren’t there when she gets in an accident and the grid comes to visit her (seb included) and help/comfort her when she gets out, (eg, when she gets home and feels lonely, they come over and comfort her and it’s like a big sleepover) and it’s just full of grid family bonding :)

Not alone - Grid x Driver! Reader

Plot: you get into one of the worst crashed of modern formula one and you think no one’s come to see you but you are sorely mistaken

Your mind flashed with images of the sparks in the car and the tarmac in line with your vision but flipped, the sound of engines pummeling past you and the gravel flicking up for an final almighty crash of metal clanking and wheels popping off.

Your eyes opened pain rushing through your body as your consciousness came back to you. You felt like your body had been tossed and turned and put through a tumble drier that had metal spikes in it and the heavy weight on you chest was proof of that.

The light had you blinking as you tried to open your eyes and gather your surroundings. Your ears picked up on the beeping and the tingling throughout your body dulled leaving the feelings of various tubes and wires attached to you.

You realise you are in the hospital.

The raw memories come back of the crash you'd gotten into making you realise the position you were probably in right now. You open your eyes fully seeing the Japanese hospital you were in. You use the button to lift yourself up a little no doubt alerting some kind of medical staff to your awakening.

No-one was in the room. Just you and your silent thoughts which felt ... awful and lonely.

You thought your parents would be here considering just how bad the crash was. It was one that you knew was a 50/50 toss of whether you came out of it alive or not.

A nurse came into the room, a gasp of shock before she runs out again. She comes back in with someone who looks like the doctor.

"Hello, Y/N! I'm your doctor! Here have some water" he offers. He was Japanese but thankful you had someone able to communicate to you what actually happened and where your health stood.

You take the cup handed to you and slowly sipped on it, hoping that the scratching feeling in your throat leaves.

"Thank you. Did you phone my emergency contact? Its my mum? Are they here my parents?" you ask the doctor who sadly looks down at the chart.

"How about we talk about you and your health first Y/N you were in quite the crash" the doctor advises and you try sitting up. The doctor rushes forward to help prop you up a little more.

"Please i just want to know if anyones going to be here for me" you ask and he frowns.

"We called but they said they werent able to come out here that last minute. But lets talk about your health and what is going to happen going forward yeah?" he asks before you nod sadly and listen to everything that was broken, bruised or torn.

Your interrupted hearing muttering voices outside with a mix of a few japanese voices quickly yelling.

"Let me just go check whats happening" the doctor says before leaving out the wooden door. He closes the door met with Yuki the only Japanese F1 driver, talking too three of his nurses, specifically the ones caring for you.

Yuki seems heated, while the others just watch him communicate on their behalf.

"I'm guessing your here to see Miss Y/L/N?" he asks looking at all the drivers who nod their heads.

"She's really beaten up and she cant move too much yet but i think she needs some familiar faces where her parents have refused to come see her. So you guys can come in, and four of you can stay for the night but thats it!" he says and they nod before arguing who would get to stay for the night.

"Well im the only one who can speak the language in this hospital so you'll need me!" Yuki argues.

"Okay but I'm the closest to her" Lando argues.

"We're like her parental figures" Seb and Fernado argue.

"Guys why dont we just let her choose?" Lewis asks and everyone goes silent in agreement.

They enter the room seeing their friend looking out the window.

"Oh! You guys are here!" you say happily leaning up, holding your stomach as your ribs twist in pain and you grimance.

"Hey try not to move too much. I'm going to go but ... well you have more than enough people here to look after you!" he smiles and walks out the room.

"We've all been so worried about you! That crash was crazy!!" Pierre said first.

"Mmmm everyone else involved got out of their car and walked away fine, but where you flipped and ... well i think we've all seen the footage!" Lewis offers. You shook your head, as you hadnt seen the footage and you didn't really know if you wanted too.

"Mmmm i havent i didn't wake up too long ago. Not sure im ready to see it yet actually. I'm not sure im ever ready to look at my phone yet" you sigh, glancing at it on the side cabinet next to the hopital bed.

"Yeah, maybe best to stay away from that for a little, just if you don't want to say the crash" Lando smiles moving the phone a little further away.

"Bottom line is were glad your okay! And if you up for it some of us can stay here for a sleepover, your choice who" Seb smiles to you and your eyes roll not wanting to be the one that has to decide.

"Come on, we wont get upset at who you choose!" Lance offers with a grin.

"Fine, Yuki is staying and you all know why. Seb can stay to keep an eye on everyone else. Then the last two, Lando for the laughs and Esteban to pick the movie" you offer you explanation and they all nod.

The others eventually leave when they are kicked out by the doctor who comes to give you some check up's. Seb and Yuki go out to go get you some good healthy food while begrudgingly Lando and Esteban stay and entertain you, not with a little squabble about what film you were all going to watch.

You guys all ate together once Yuki and Seb came back with it and continued to talk about the next race that you obviously wouldn't be competing in, but was excited to see who won.

As you gazed around at them, laughing and engaging in things they knew you liked and when you thought back to them earlier the upset and devastation you felt for your parents not being here you realised how insignificant it all was.

This was your family.

And they were all you needed.

Taglist:

@littlebitchsposts @hockey-racing-fubol @laura-naruto-fan1998 @22yuki @simxican @sinofwriting @lewisroscoelove @cmleitora @daemyratwst @lauralarsen @the-untamed-soul @thewulf @itsjustkhaos @purplephantomwolf @chasing-liberosis @summissss @gulphulp @starfusionsworld @jspitwall @sierruhhhh @georgeparisole @youcannotcancelquidditch @tallbrownhairsarcastic @ourteenagetragedy @peachiicherries @formulas-bitch @cherry-piee @spilled-coffee-cup @mehrmonga @curseofhecate @alliwantisadonut @dark-night-sky-99 @i-wish-this-was-me @tallrock35 @butterfly-lover @barnestatic @landossainz @darleneslane @barcelonaloverf1life @r0nnsblog @ilove-tswizzle @laneyspaulding19 @malynn @landosgirlxoxo @marie0v @yourbane @teamnovalak @nikfigueiredo @fionaschicken @0picels0 @tinydeskwriter @ironmaiden1313 @splaterparty0-0 @formula1mount

[visenyaism]

Aegon Unworthy Administration Dashboard Simulator

⚔️ whiteswordtowerrr

the gold cloaks found my aegmon rpf guys it might be a while before my next update

💫 maidens-grace Follow

RIP OP this is why RPF is not only problematic (sinful against the Maiden AND the Smith) but will also literally deservedly get your skull put on a spike

⚔️ whiteswordtowerrr

I lived bitch. king aegon made me read it out loud to his brother because he thought it was funny but then he let me go. new chapter dropping in 20 minutes

#the dragonknight got all purple and furious but he did just have to stand there and take it. Just like in this next chapt- #the king did hook up with my sister afterwards though. what can you do

🍒lanadelreyene Follow

listennnnn im not saying he’s perfect im just saying liberating women from religious oppression and literal imprisonment in the maidenvault and letting his girl cousin do the economy and elevating women of all social standings to positions of prominence isnt NOTHING.

🫀tree-hearted

“king aegon is a feminist” “criston cole had hoes�� you people will say anything on this website.

🛡️knighttime Follow

just saw that Daemon Waters kid like the king’s four year old bastard do a perfect standing backflip in the training yard. Kind of compelling. Kind of kingly. I don’t know…

#can prince daeron do a flip?????

🐉 rhaenyra-did-nothing-wrong Follow

It’s SO disgusting how the king would hire a H*ghtower hand only 50 years after that wretched family MURDERED HIS GRANDMOTHER AFTER USURPING HER THRONE. #UNWORTHYGATE

🪙 laenycashmoney150

Me and that nasty old man. To be honest

🌈 crystalcrowned Follow

I block everyone who is horny on main about the king on principle because fornication is a sin but op is talking about ALYN OAKENFIST?????? Girl.

🙌 fleabottomtop

Sneaking in through the secret tunnels in the red keep to smuggle queen naerys a vibrator and a blunt this shit is getting out of hand

💐 summersepta Follow

she would not like that. try again.

🙌 fleabottomtop

sneaking in through the secret tunnels in the the red keep to smuggle queen naerys a prayer book and a cigarette

🦇whentch

🐲 rogue-princess Follow

if i speak....🙈🤐

🐦‍⬛ raventreeballer-deactivated89169

FYI @ brackennation literally seduced the king to use her influence to ban pro-Blackwood posts on here. block and report this treacherous whore ASAP

🐎 brackennation-deactivated47170

I know it’s you missy. KYS jealous cunt

🎻bardalicious Follow

king aegon’s collection of teenage mistresses posting through it on the dash again

🔥 fireandwaters Follow

Sooooo sick of seeing delusional reachers reclaiming dragons**d as if that’s not a literal crownlands-specific slur used against the Valyrian-Westerosi community in King’s Landing and Dragonstone. I don’t care how many ae’s your grandma has in her name you are a HIGHTOWER you are a TARLY you are a REDWYNE you are seven forgive me for even saying this a BEESBURY. Categorically NOT a seed. It’s basically valyrian racefaking at this point

⛓️‍ gaymanpalehair Follow

Say it louder for the Great Bastards in the back!!!!!! theyre literally noble

🔥fireandwaters Follow

No I can say it?? I’m from KL I’m in the community why would it matter if I’m acknowledged

🌼 ever-sweet Follow

Seven hells my great-grandsire literally rode caraxes and I can’t acknowledge my own heritage? Dragonseed literally applies to ANY👏ONE👏of👏TAR👏GARYEN👏DES👏CENT.

🪵 kingswoody

At the rate the king is going everyone in the realm will be able to reclaim dragonseed in 20 years come on now

🐦‍⬛raventreeballer Follow

are we not going to acknowledge the toxic power imbalance of the king having had TWO Bracken mistresses and ONE Blackwood mistress????

🐚besterling Follow

THAT’S the toxic power imbalance you want to talk about??? That one??? Nothing else???

🔮hightowered Follow

okay I thought the valyrian racefaking discourse on here was dumb as shit but tell me WHY i just saw my bastard cousin serena change her name to “serenei” on all her socials and then start telling people she was from lys and can’t speak common.

#Good thing we’re dragonseeds otherwise this would be insane

🐟rainbowtrout Follow

non-riverlanders in 20 years when the Bracken-Blackwood beef becomes everybody’s problem because it’s a Targaryen civil war

🍎 fossoshethey

Quick where's that one meme about the valyrian god of prophecy playing dodgelance with random tumblr users

🎭mummersfarce Follow okay I’ll bite. did king aegon the unworthy fourth of his name do something problematic.

✨ fleabottombottom Follow

well as a dragonseed of dance-era descent i gotta say i am not appreciating how hard it is to buy purple shampoo in flea bottom recently what with the rate at which blonde bitches are being created in this kingdom fucking skyrocketing

🎭mummersfarce Follow

fucked up. blocking him now ✊

[linddzz]

Sat here and combed through all your jayvik analysis posts giggling and kicking my feet but PLEASE tell me more about the whole dom/sub thing, especially the whole “they have absolutely not discussed that this is the dynamic, it just happens and neither of them acknowledge it” because that is genuinely so interesting. Like I could already tell Viktor had hella ‘quiet calm collected dom’ vibes especially compared to jayce’s ‘excited protective puppy who would FOLD at being called a good boy’ energy…

But the whole bit on the bridge where Viktor smacks his hand away without even looking? And Jayce EARNS BACK TOUCHING PRIVELEGES? Fucking scrumptious please tell me more.

god i need to get to writing my fic bc I feel like "talk more about it" would be solved just by me dropping the link This ended up being TOO LONG so I split it between me going feral about that bridge scene and then me going feral at other moments of nonverbal communication that I use to feed my Dom/sub "oh you two are just LIKE THAT" interpretation. So. here's part one

That bridge scene tho...im so normal about it

hhhggg god that bridge scene is one that I rotate in my brain so much because it is such a small moment that makes so much of their dynamic click. For me, specifically, it clicks the "submissive like a guard dog is submissive" dynamic, where Jayce is, on a surface level, the stronger and more forceful of the two while Viktor is the one actually holding the leash (until he's too tired to because he's dying, and I only half joke when I say that their issues at the end of season 1 are because Jayce is suddenly the equivalent of a dog holding it's own leash and getting stressed out about it.

Jayce's touching before the bridge come across as pretty overbearing honestly. He's holding his hand out to keep Viktor from speaking out...

Heck, while the still screenshot doesn't show it too well, Jayce slings an arm around Viktor with enough force that it knocks Viktor off balance for a second and shoves him forward a little.

Viktor got dragged to the hexgate when Jayce is looking into shipping discrepancies happening there, even though it obviously doesn't involve him and he does NOT want to be there.

(In hindsight this is a hilarious bit of showing that it did not occur to either of them that there's no goddamn reason for Viktor to be here. This is council business, Jayce outright says "I'm a councilor now Viktor" which does not answer why tf Viktor needs to be there. these twits just handle all problems as a unit lmao. The tragic flip is that this is could then be a breaking moment when Viktor goes back to the lab, realizing that him and Jayce are not, in actuality, a single unit anymore. because Jayce got a second job that is not Lab With Viktor oh my god you codependent dweebs)

Up until that point it would be really easy to see Jayce as being presumptive and unintentionally overpowering Viktor in personality. Heck, it's what I thought the dynamic was as I was watching Season 1, though even as I thought that it seemed somehow...not quite correct.

And then the bridge scene.

Even before the hand-smack, there's a flip on the reading up to this point that Jayce has been accidentally bowling over Viktor by force of personality/physicality. Jayce comes in hot, upset, angrily standing over Viktor and chewing him out, and Viktor is just like "....and??"

Viktor is calm if baffled and annoyed at Jayce's frustration (also; Viktor just rolling his eyes and shaking his head at the actual riot happening a few yards away? hilarious. i love him.) His almost nonchalantly confused tone when he asks "what difference does that make?" always gets me. the entire back and forth says, to me anyway, that Jayce may be more brash and socially competent, but he's not overpowering Viktor at all, actually.

Viktor is going to do whatever the fuck Viktor wants.

This is immediately made clear by the much beloved hand smack. Viktor doesn't even look up, and his smack shows that he is perfectly capable of setting a hard boundary on Jayce's touching, and that Jayce will IMMEDIATELY fold and apologize when that boundary is set. That smack makes it suddenly clear that when Jayce goes for the shoulder touch right after apologizing, Viktor consciously allows it.

idk WHY but I also love this little tiniest moment when Jayce is going for the second touch. Viktor glances back as Jayce approaches him (looking like a cat with its ears pinned back lmao), then looks away as he accepts the second touch and they move on. It's such a tiny detail of showing Viktor, who is still pretty pissed at Jayce, seeing the touch as it comes in and then deciding to let it happen. im rotating them in my mind. please send help

In my framing of them being a guard dog/handler dynamic, the bridge scene is us seeing a moment of the leash getting a sudden sharp tug to bring the guard dog to heel. It resets all the earlier instances as being ones that Viktor allows to happen, because he doesn't see a need to correct it.

fuck man this doesn't even get into the bridge scene as a major crack between them as the moment Viktor loses his trust that Jayce will understand his decision. i am unwell

[notyournecromancer]

i love fandom and i love remus lupin and his weird mates and his beautiful boyfriend but i have to say, seeing so many people who are important to me being treated so terribly here… im not entirely sure how to interact in the marauders fandom anymore.

yesterday i got called aggressive and belligerent for speaking about cultural appropriation in fandom. please, let me assure you, i tone policed myself so meticulously before replying to avoid those two words specifically. and yet, even with all my careful words, here we are! it’s almost like there’s a stereotype, ha.. ha.. ahem. but isn’t that so exhausting?

anyway. there’s just an awful lot of unkindness floating around. i see terribly mean people being hero-worshipped and the genuinely nice, passionate people getting torn to shreds. i’m not about it, babe. i just came here for the whimsy, beloved, i didn’t sign up for this😌

anyway. i’ll obviously of course finish the tcoptp podfic. and i’ll be supporting all of my creative and wonderful friends who write and draw and make edits and whatever. i just really hope something changes because this place is a gorgeous safe space and community for so many of us, it’s a real shame to see a few ruin it for the many.

[thegreatimpersonator]

Heeey, if u dont wanna answer this that's fine! But just wondering what's Travis done? (Im not a fan or anything lol, legit curious). Now that i think about it, i think he's irl friends (like, outside of work) with that mahommes guy whose brother... well, trigerring topic but ye his brother's a piece of shit and that guy's wife im pretty sure defended the brother + is a trumpie💀. But i dont follow them/usamerican football so ive just heard about these things casually. I think there were also some weird tweets from years back? Guess i answered my own question lol. Wild the kcc also have that "women should stay home" at a uni graduation speech guy...

welcome to the materpost.

im making this so i can always have something to refer back to when people ask, and this isnt gonna include personal opinions as facts (like how i just find him very attention-seeking and annoying, that's just personal opinion) but it will cover all the main terrible things he's done as well as the bad stuff people he (and now taylor) voluntarily choose to associate with.

don't know where to begin so i'll just start from where i remember

people found his old tweets where he was ableist (making fun of autism and saying the r slur), fatphobic towards women, misogynistic and homophobic.

him along with the chiefs decided to visit trump at the white house in 2020, after many teams declined bc they didnt want to publicly associate with a fascist, but travis was down!

he then also got caught liking an instagram post about trump

he has said recently he would be going to visit trump again in the white house if they win the superbowl.

when asked about how he felt about Trump going to the Super Bowl and playing in front of him, he said it was “pretty cool” and “an honor”.

he also made a r*pe joke, (first part in the clip) he was asked what word turned him on and he said when women say 'no' and then laughed and he was "kidding".

in the second part of that same clip in the previous bullet point, he's also xenophobic! on a podcast he said "if you dont speak english, then what are you doing here (in america)" and then proceeded to laugh when the host says he tells them the wrong directions on purpose.

he also 'jokingly' (no one laughed) called women "breeders" when discussing what women he was interested in.

he, alongside the chiefs, stood in solidarity with Israel by doing a ‘moment of silence’ before a game. i know people are gonna try and find excuses for him by saying ‘he was just doing what his team did, what was he supposed to do, etc’ nonsense, but that implies he was forced and had no choice; which he did. he also could have spoken up about the genocide/palestine afterwards but he stood in solidarity with Israel and has silent ever since.

he has a history of violent temper tantrums, and no him being a football player isnt an excuse. men using violence to get through their emotions isnt something to be normalized. he has had multiple instances of extreme aggression, including a screaming match with his couch at last years Superbowl, screamed at a ref and threw his helmet, also punching his own teammate during practice, and punching opposing players during games.

he's best friends with machine gun kelly, they grew up together and have remained close to this day. MGK has been openly racist, misogynistic, has said he sees nothing wrong with sleeping with minors, etc.

he defended his teammate, harrison butker (who was the guy who gave the viral problematic commencement speech, saying "women should be most excited about their marriage and the children they will bring into this world" and "things like abortion, IVF, surrogacy, euthanasia, as well as a growing support for degenerate cultural values and media all stem from pervasiveness of disorder,” and called Pride Month “the deadly sin sort of pride,” and specifically criticized the LGBTQ community, which he claimed promotes “dangerous gender ideologies.").... anyway travis defended THAT guy, saying he cherishes him as a teammate and said "he is every bit of a great person and a great teammate." and said harrison treats everyone with "nothing but respect and kindness, we’re not always going to agree … but I understand the person that he is and he’s trying to do whatever he can to lead people in the right direction." Travis then said 'everyone has different opinions and that's what's great about this country'. he flat out said hating gay people and women are what make this country great.  

travis is also besties with known racist, morgan wallen (who got caught saying the n word, promised to donate money to charities fighting for racial justice and then just didnt), and joined him on stage last august. oh and travis was also wearing a harrison butker jersey during the concert... supporting him once again, just 3 months after his bigoted speech.

travis is also besties with the mahomes, now lets talk about him and taylors new besties they voluntarily love spending time with.

the main issue isnt really patrick mahomes (another player on the chiefs), it's brittany (his wife) and jackson (his brother)

jackson sexually assaulted a woman at a restaurant by grabbing her and forcibly kissing her. she reported the assault and he reportedly tried to bribe her into shutting up, but then she faced such harassment from his fans that the restaurant shut down and the case was dismissed despite video evidence of it happening.

brittany defended jackson and became a vocal assault apologist by saying "he is a human just trying to live his life and find his way and until you walk a day in his shoes (which no one ever will) you have no right to say shit about him".

last summer, brittany got called out for liking a post by trump where he outlined his plans for being president in 2025, including starting the largest deportation operation in history, zionist propaganda, and transphobic rhetoric about not wanting trans women in women's sports. she then defended it and doubled down vocalizing her supprt for trump.

brittany being transphobic about not wanting trans women in women's sports is deeply concerning due to the fact she is the co-owner of Kansas City Current, a team in the American professional top-division National Women's Soccer League.

[variousqueerthings]

i do think that specifically david tennant being very openly supportive of the trans community has had an interesting effect -- because usually im kinda like "it is nice to know that people whose work i enjoy don't want me dead" and that's kinda my level of (at this point) quite cynical engagement with what a celebrity or artist does or does not think about transness, because these days it feels like it's almost fashionable for well-known (or post-well-known) people to come out of the wordwork and say what they think about trans people, which can get very stressful in its own way (the amount of headlines that try to be misleading or just plain don't say and so you're just like "ok i guess this week i have to find out if [spins wheel] thinks i deserve rights")

but david tennant has a different feeling to it. and to be fair, there are plenty of people with skin in the game, who absolutely deserve to and ought to speak out on behalf of their children/partners/community/friends/family/etc. and im always happy to see these people speak, and dt is included in that list as well

but david tennant is veeery specific in this here country of terf island, in which the labour party will openly state that it will allow certain book writers to affect their policies on trans people, and that's partly because of the effect above in which "having opinions on trans rights seems to be a celebrity game that keeps you relevant, which includes ex prime minister tony blair making his opinion known (hint, it wasn't a good one)" but also because david tennant is known as a national icon to rival that of whatsherface

he was the main actor on doctor who, in the top three, if not very top of british broadcasting iconography that exists. he's one of this generation's most famous shakespearian actors, the other thing that this country-as-culture is most proud of. he's a mainstay in children's film and tv, a standout in modern british crime drama (broadchurch, des), and that's not mentioning things like jessica jones, good omens, and star wars

this guy has no social media, and some of the biggest cultural capital in the uk today -- labour i believe it was made a twitter joke about him ousting the current prime minister as the doctor ahead of this week's election, because that's an iconic scene from doctor who

which means that when he openly calls transphobes whingy and asks them to shut up, there's a bit of a ripple... i mean what are you gonna do, get angry with the doctor? from doctor who??? the man who played a definitive hamlet????? the man who's just done rave reviewed performances of macbeth???? scrooge mcduck????????? this man who occasionally guests on cbeebies???????????

said prime minister and his party and hosts of transphobes go absolutely crazy every time he makes an appearance wearing new trans ally apparel, as if a. he sees any of that and b. it's a dignified response to a man saying, in essence, "i would like my kid to be safe and happy"

david tennant constantly making these statements, again and again, is a powerful voice in the modern fight for trans rights in the UK, in some ways unfortunately, because you wish trans people could have been heard before it got to this state and that it wasn't about being famous, but to be fair, he's also making that point again and again

it kind of feels like the first time in a long time that there's been proper pushback against transphobia in this country from a perspective that the transphobes can't dismiss so easily -- they can try but like. again, one side is a bunch of raving nonsense-spouters on a joke website who mostly belong to a party that's about to get decidedly ousted from the political scene, the other is beloved national icon and star of stage and screen, mr david tennant

of course, it doesn't hurt that the three main actors of harry potter and everyone else who's majorly involved in doctor who, past and present, is also supportive of trans rights, which maybe there's a separate point to be made about the strangeness of a mainstream tv show becoming a cultural battleground for peoples opinions on equal rights, especially now with ncuti gatwa at the helm, because i think some of what ive seen in relation to dw is more extreme than any piece of cultural media ive been alive to witness bigoted reactions to (including star trek), and ncuti gatwa as a black queer man is taking a hell of a lot of flack that is racist and homophobic

but labour... if you're inviting random artists to give you opinions on trans rights, david tennant is right there, and you know he'd make sure to bring along trans rights activists and professionals to get the space in the room they ought to have had all along

[transfemme-shelterdog]

hey, so ill leave this on anon for now but im down for messaging if you want, but the actual reason why people are having a "discourse" about the transandrophobia is due to it mainly used to attack and leverage privilege against trans women like us. it stems specifically from Mens Rights Activists, literally so, and the majority of its rhetoric attempts to deny transmisogony and deny trans men having any privileges over trans women. That isnt to say that trans men dont suffer transmisogony or suffer any unique transphobia, but that not only is the term rooted in MRA contexts but is also rooted in deeply transmisogonystic historical medical contexts.

A lot of the "theory" expounded from the transmasc community simply just play off "vibes" and reactionary situations, recounting times where someone mistook them for a trans woman and saying that was someone being a misandrist against them. Mostly they get into arguments with/harrass trans women for trying to explain how theyre being misogynistic and actively hurting the trans and queer community. They talk a lot about "trans unity" when in reality theyre just talking about how they benefit from trans women feeling bad and not speaking up for themselves and want us to continue doing that

Men who talk about transandrophobia aren't saying they are oppressed because someone mistook them for a woman. What they're saying is that trans men/mascs face unique oppression that is exclusive to trans men/mascs. For example, forced pregnancy to prevent transition and FGM.

Typically trans women/fems don't have to worry about their reproductive rights being stripped, or being forced to carry a child to prevent transition.

Lot more than vibes going on here.

Also, if the term really makes you that uncomfortable, just call it transmisandry or whatever. Trans guys aren't gonna care what you call it so long as you don't try to correct them on which word they choose, and don't talk over them.

[velvetvexations]

i like. never browsed the transmisogyny tag until today because im feeling remarkably shitty/ill & bored and legit some of the shit i have seen targeted towards transmascs/transandrobros makes me lowkey suicidal.

i dont have privilege over transfems. im not able to get hrt or anything. im lucky if they let me change my gender marker. there is a great chance i get my access to hrt revoked because of my mental illness. a past therapist literally told me to never get an autism diagnosis because i wont get taken seriously and denied gender affirming care. i cant bind because of spinal issues. im fat and have an hourglass figure. after almost 6 years of being out my family still doesnt gender me right. What is my privilege here? I have seen so much hatred against men and masculinity in recent months, and i'm not even allowed to speak up about it because that makes me a "transandrodork" or MRA. The fact that people are so disgusted and repulsed by something that is supposed to be my safe haven (masculinity) makes me want to give up on transitioning enitrely. The fact that transmascs' oppression is so incredibly downplayed doesn't help either. We're treated like we're spoiled when we speak up because other people have it worse. I suffered so much solely because I am transMASC, not TRANSmasc, and people downplaying it to the point where it has become normal in the queer community damaged my mental health even more.

My biggest fear is that we get completely forgotten and left behind. I want to march WITH my sisters, not behind them. I just hope this is an online specific thing and doesn't extend to real life fighting.

I love you, anon. <3 It's going to be okay. You need to be the real you no matter what. You will be loved for it, I promise.

[sillylittlgaythings]

I have a bone to pick with the Yellowjackets fandom, more specifically with the twitter community

im just gonna rant here for a bit. oh. my. god. you guys are UNBEARABLE and ANNOYING.

first: “why did they pair shauna with melissa and not with mari/akilah/gen/x/y/z?”

because melissa was a BLANK character with 0 meaningful conversations with shauna in s1 and 2. shauna already doesn’t like mari. “so now you’re her protector? a little late for that” thats mari to shauna after jackie’s death and the girls wanting to burn her body, they could not make mari into the wide-eye girl infatuated with shauna like they did melissa it. wouldn’t. make. sense. (same thing with gen, she always takes mari’s side and it would be kinda interesting to see this dynamic play out, but anyway).

shauna needed someone she had no previous feelings (good or bad) for and that also includes akilah. she was the one helping shauna giving birth, calming her down and trying to save her and the baby, akilah already had a personality being developed in s2 and clearly had a different plot direction for s3, while melissa didn’t. shauna already had her interaction with akilah and has a perception of her.

melissa was a perfect vessel for shauna’s girlfriend. no meaningful interactions before. no attachment. shauna is able to create melissa the way she wanted in her had, make her a replacement for jackie, use her as she sees fits because she doesn’t know melissa beyond that

second: “why did they get rid off lottie for melissa/they fired simone to afford hillary swank”

thats NOT how the industry works. that’s not how budget works, they’re not taking payment from one actress to give it to another, also hillary’s fees (an award winning actress) are much higher than simone’s (an somewhat unknown actress, love her but it’s true) if it actually worked that way it would made more sense to get rid off melanie or christina, the biggest and most expensive actresses in the adult tml along side with hillary now.

“but lottie’s story wasn’t done” one of the main points of the series is that every death was unfair. the people who died in the crash was unfair. laura lee exploding wasn’t fair. jackie frozen to death wasn’t fair. javi drowning wasn’t fair. nat dying from an overdose after battling addiction and finally getting clean is not fair. every death was unfair. i do think it would be interesting seeing more of lottie’s character but lottie was NOT killed off for melissa, let’s be realistic here.

third: “why are so many shauna scenes?” she’s the main character!!! she’s the one we follow throughout the show, of course there are other principal characters but shauna is the protagonist and the main plot will be around her in some way

fourth: “it’s so weird that tai is the only POC to survive” that’s not true, both lottie and travis were survivors and people of color, yes they’re dead now, but they are still survivors. we also don’t know how many made it out of the wilderness, the 8 survivors theory is just that, a theory. mari, akilah and gen might have made it out and choose to hid/fake their deaths like melissa did.

i do think the treatment of non-white characters and actors in the industry needs to be discussed further and deeply, i’m not saying non-white fans shouldn’t complain about things they see as unfair and wrong, i’m just pointing things out and not speaking over them. i’m not saying they’re complains are justified, but it’s not the intention of this post to discuss this issue specifically.

i’m just so tired of people complaining about every. single. damn. thing this season, of course some criticisms are valid and some conversations are importante to have, but it’s just so annoying to see people nitpicking every little thing about s3 everytime a new episode drops and wondering why certain plots were finish, not understanding why things were written like this or that or etc feels like this is you guys’ first time watching a show with one episode per week like WAIT, BE PATIENT, we already know there are 5 seasons planned so it’s obvious some things will be left unknown or a mystery.

yes it’s nice to dissect a show and analyse the writing and the characters, but it feels like some people either don’t actually like the show or are to stuck in their AO3 fanfic dynamics to enjoy the actual show and characters.

anyway, have a good day guys and enjoy the the season finale next week.

[notiddygothgf]

ix

★ pairings: aki hayakawa x fem reader

★ ❝ God, you're messing with my fucking head. ❞

★ c.w.: drunk reader (yikes)

★ a/n: so im lowkey not confident that i did good on that chem exam but shit a promise is a promise.... HERE SHE IS!!!! another update!! and this one??? phew... strap in children, it's a RIDE. i'm not gonna say too much bc im just so excited for you all to read this. I've been bouncing up and down trying not to spoil this one for anyone so pLEAAAAASEEEE!! keep on commenting, liking, supporting, inboxing. I love the community I've built on wattpad and tumblr for this fanfic. I'm so glad you al love it as much as I do!

★ w.c: 9k

pornstar ; chapter index

SOMEWHERE AROUND 2, you sauntered right into Public Safety’s Tokyo HQ feeling your very best. Today was your scutwork day, meaning that you would be spending the day indoors doing whatever work the higher-ups asked of you and, already, you were turning heads.

“Looking good, Kohai,” One of your coworkers whistled at you, a tiny girl by the name of Kawakami who you spoke to frequently in passing.

You smiled at her warmly, letting yourself revel in the compliment. Today, you felt your best because you were wearing your best – A form-fitting white button down top and a pencil skirt that stopped around mid-though. Your hair was done back, and you had touched your face up with some subtle makeup. A little mascara here, to make your eyes pop, and a little red lipstick there. You weren’t stupid. You knew that the skirt did nothing to hide the curves of your ass, the slope of your hips. Actually, that was the entire point.

On a mission day or a patrol day, you knew the outfit wouldn’t have flown. Today was different. Today, you were only doing paperwork.

Paperwork for one man in particular.

You knocked at the door, knuckles rapping against the wooden surface. A moment passed before you heard that cold, impassive voice responding, “Come in.”

Clutching a stack of paperwork Makima had handed you to give to him, you opened the door with your shoulder. There Aki was, dressed in that uniform that hugged his perfect body so well, broody blue eyes trained on a paper packet. When he heard you enter, he looked up at you through his lashes, not fully glancing up from the paperwork – telephone pressed to his ear.

He was so pretty, it hurt.

You smiled at him (kill them with kindness, you figured), making sure to swing your hips a little more as you approached his desk. Then, gently – oh-so gently – you leaned down and set the paperwork onto his desk.

He peered up at you, then, at your done-up face. His gaze seemed to shamelessly roam over your body, the outfit you had specifically picked out with him in mind. For a moment, you could have sworn you saw something in his gaze shift, the slightest dilation of his pupils as they lingered on your legs. 

You couldn’t help but bask in the feeling – the feeling of having his attention on you.

“Excuse me for just a second,” He muttered into the phone. Holding his hand up to cover the receiver, he opened his mouth to speak, and for a moment, a part of you hoped that he would say something about your outfit – tell you to change, tell you anything, “Could you grab me a coffee from the breakroom?”

Oh, you thought. Okay, then.

Pursing your lips, you nodded, bowing slightly as you did so, “Of course.”

As you left Aki’s office, you let out a slow, steady breath, forcing yourself to keep your composure. His gaze—the weight of it lingering on your body—had sent a little thrill through your veins. It was almost pathetic how much you basked in it, how much you ached for the smallest hint of attention from him. Even just the way his eyes had dragged down your legs, the way his pupils had slightly dilated when he caught sight of your lipstick-painted lips, made something coil tight in your chest.

But now wasn’t the time to get lost in the fantasy—you had a task to complete.

The breakroom was empty when you entered, save for the low hum of the refrigerator. You moved toward the coffee machine, grabbing one of the paper cups from the stack and pressing the button to let the dark liquid pour in. The scent of bitter coffee filled the air as you leaned back against the counter, waiting for the cup to fill.

Your reflection in the metal cabinet doors caught your attention. The slight smudge of red at the corner of your lips made you frown. You had spent extra time on your makeup today for a reason—if you were going to play this game, every detail had to be just right.

You reached into your pocket, fingers curling around the smooth, gold casing of your lipstick. Twisting it open, you brought the deep red shade to your lips, carefully gliding it over your mouth. One coat, then another. Just enough to make your lips look fuller, more inviting. You pressed them together, ensuring the color settled perfectly before giving yourself one last glance in the reflection.

Satisfied, you picked up the coffee and left the breakroom.

This time, you didn’t bother knocking. You pushed the door open with your shoulder, stepping inside without hesitation. Aki was exactly where you had left him, hunched over paperwork, his focus unwavering. The warm glow of the desk lamp highlighted the sharp angles of his face—his strong jaw, the shadows beneath his cheekbones, the furrow in his brow as he concentrated.

But the second you approached, his eyes flickered up to meet yours.

Wordlessly, you bent over to set the coffee down on his desk, taking your time, ensuring your posture emphasized the curve of your body. The hem of your pencil skirt rode up just slightly, and you knew—knew—he was watching.

His gaze was on you before you even looked up. And when you finally did, there was something unreadable in his expression. Cool, composed, but something else too.

A hunger.

This tension’s gonna make me go fucking crazy.

You straightened up, smoothing the fabric of your skirt with the palm of your hand. Then, with the sweetest voice you could muster, you asked, “Do you need anything else, sir?”

It was subtle, the shift in his demeanor—but you caught it.

The faintest tension in his jaw. The way his fingers stilled against the paper. His pupils darkening just a shade.

A pause.

“I actually do have some letters I need to write,” he said at last, voice steady but slightly lower than before. “Do you have a minute?”

You nodded, tilting your head slightly, watching him.

He let out a breath, setting his pen down against the desk. “I’m so backed up on paperwork that I don’t think I’ll have the time. I need to write Kenji’s letter of termination.”

Something in your stomach twisted.

“I have a few points written here,” he added, reaching for a small post-it note. “I just need it formatted into something official.”

As he handed it to you, his fingers brushed against yours—just barely, just for a second—but the touch sent a strange shiver down your spine. You peered down at the little paper square, realizing rather suddenly that you had never seen his handwriting before. It was neat, perfect cursive – totally indicative of his personality.

“Do you think you could write up a draft for me?”

You barely heard him. Your mind had already spiraled somewhere else.

Kenji.

The memory hit you in pieces.

The way the world had blurred around the edges that night, your limbs feeling too heavy, too slow. Kenji’s hands—unwanted and rough—pressing against you. The sickening scent of alcohol on his breath as he backed you up against the wall, murmuring filth into your ear.

Your own voice, weak and slurred, as you tried to tell him to stop.

The helplessness.

The burning shame.

And now, standing here, looking at the post-it note with Kenji’s name scribbled on it, you felt something close to satisfaction coil in your chest.

You smiled, slow and sweet. “Of course.”

Taking the note from him, you slid it into the pocket of your skirt, feeling its weight settle against your hip.

“I’ll have it done by the end of the night,” you assured him.

Aki nodded once, already turning back to his work. If he noticed the slight shift in your expression—the way your smile didn’t quite reach your eyes—he didn’t say anything.

You turned on your heel and walked out, your heartbeat steady, your mind sharp.

You hoped this wouldn’t keep you too late. Himeno had invited you out for drinks tonight, and right about now, you wanted any excuse to get shitfaced that you could get.

Public Safety Bureau – Tokyo HeadquartersMarch 18, 2025Public Safety Devil Hunter, Division [4] Public Safety Bureau – Tokyo Headquarters

Subject: Notice of Termination of Employment

Dear Mr. Aragawa,

After a thorough review of your conduct and performance within the Public Safety Bureau, it has been determined that your employment with this organization is hereby terminated, effective immediately.

This decision has been made on the basis of multiple violations of Bureau policies, including but not limited to:

Insubordination: You have repeatedly failed to comply with direct orders from superior officers, demonstrating a blatant disregard for protocol and chain of command. This behavior has not only hindered operations but has also created unnecessary risks for your colleagues and the organization as a whole.

Assaulting a Coworker: It has been brought to our attention that you engaged in inappropriate and aggressive behavior toward a fellow Bureau employee. A formal investigation into this incident has confirmed that your actions constituted a violation of workplace safety policies, as well as ethical and legal standards upheld by this organization. Such behavior is entirely unacceptable and will not be tolerated within Public Safety.

Given the severity of these infractions, your immediate dismissal has been deemed necessary to uphold the integrity, discipline, and safety of the Bureau and its personnel.

You are required to return all Bureau-issued equipment and credentials to the administrative office by the end of the day. Any outstanding documentation or administrative matters related to your employment will be handled accordingly.

Should you have any questions regarding this decision or require clarification on final procedures, you may contact the Human Resources department.

Sincerely,

Aki HayakawaLieutenant Captain 

Public Safety Bureau – Tokyo Headquarters

At the end of the day, you returned to Aki’s office, the weight of the termination letter settled in your hands. The fluorescent lights buzzed softly above, casting a faint glow over the dimly lit office. His desk was as cluttered as ever—papers stacked in uneven piles, a half-empty coffee cup pushed to the side, the faint trace of his cologne lingering in the air.

You ran your fingers along the edge of the document as you approached, eyeing the blank space you’d left for his signature. The words printed on the page felt heavier now, more significant. You weren’t just turning in paperwork. You were handing him something final, something that would erase Kenji from Public Safety for good.

Aki barely looked up as you set the letter on his desk.

“It’s done,” you said, keeping your voice light.

He gave a slow nod, flipping the pages between his fingers, scanning the contents with careful precision. You lingered, watching his expression shift slightly—his brow furrowing, his lips pressing into a thin line. He was always so controlled, so unreadable, but you’d spent enough time around him to know when something was picking at him.

You turned on your heel, ready to leave. But then—

The sound of voice calling your name stopped you in your tracks.

You turned back toward him, feigning innocence. “Yes, sir?”

Aki set the letter down, exhaling through his nose. His fingers tapped once against the desk before he leaned back in his chair, leveling you with a look that was both sharp and exasperated.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

You blinked. “What?”

“You know what.” He sighed, dragging a hand through his dark hair. “I’m at least ninety percent sure you’re violating some sort of dress code.”

A slow, amused smile curled at the corner of your lips. “I’m not. My outfit and makeup are in compliance with company policy,” you answered smoothly. “Does it bother you?”

He didn’t answer right away, but the muscle in his jaw tensed.

“That skirt is a bit short, don’t you think?” he muttered.

Gotcha.

You tilted your head, regarding him carefully. His voice was calm, controlled, but there was something else beneath it—something tight, something restrained.

“Are you… staring?” you asked, deliberately teasing, eyes glinting with something dangerous.

His brows pinched together in irritation. “I’m more concerned about other people.”

Is he… jealous?

He took the bait.

A flicker of satisfaction danced through you as he continued, his voice lower now, more serious. “You of all people should know there are some dogs in Public Safety. Men who wouldn’t hesitate to take advantage of you.”

Oh, he definitely is.

You hummed thoughtfully, stepping just a little closer, your heels clicking softly against the floor. “Like you, sir?”

Aki scoffed, rubbing his temple as if you were giving him a headache. “For the love of—” He cut himself off, sighing sharply. “I’m not taking advantage of you. I’m–”

“Protecting me, right. I got that,” you said airily. Then, tilting your head, you added, “I think we both know that’s a bullshit excuse.”

His eyes darkened—not with anger, but with something deeper, something unreadable. He stared at you, unmoving, his fingers still curled slightly on the desk, the weight of his silence settling between you.

You were out of line.

“Don’t start,” he muttered.

“Start what?”

Aki exhaled, his patience thinning. “We’re not having this conversation again.”

You watched as he reached for the letter, his eyes flickering over the words you had carefully typed. His expression remained unreadable as he skimmed it, though you didn’t miss the way his fingers flexed slightly when he reached Kenji’s name. A beat of silence stretched between you.

“Thank you for the letter,” he said at last, his tone clipped, controlled. “You’re dismissed.”

You didn’t argue. You simply gave him a slow, knowing smile, turned on your heel, and–

The sound of his voice made you turn back. 

“Oh, and one more thing,” He spoke – tone firm and commanding, just the way you liked it. When you faced him, he paused, eyes dropping once more to your legs for the briefest of seconds before flitting up to meet your gaze head on. “Don’t wear that skirt to work again.”

You paused, partially shocked that he had been so bold. Then, nodding curtly, you bowed your head, “Of course, sir. It won’t happen again.”

You walked out. And though he tried to pretend otherwise, you felt the weight of his gaze following you all the way to the door.

Still, a little snag of pride curled in your chest because Himeno had been right.

He was jealous.

Later that night, at the izakaya, you were drunk off your ass. This seemed to be a reoccurring theme – something unique to any outing where Himeno was in attendance. She was a bad influence on you, that much was undeniable. Something else was undeniable, too. Namely, the fact that – while she conversed avidly with her partner, Aki, practically leaning on him as she did so – you could do nothing but furrow your brows, pout your lips at her like an insolent child because you couldn’t help but wish that he was giving you his attention instead.

It was a childish whim, you knew. He was an attractive man. He was bound to grab the attention of his female coworkers. Still, you couldn’t help the feeling that bubbled up in your chest, eyes narrowing into slits while you watched them talk. It was something deep, something wrong.

Maybe this is his way of getting back at me, You thought, but you knew that wasn’t the truth. Aki Hayakawa was not a petty person. He would never resort to the same underhanded tactics you had used on him.

Ever the bigger person.

You exhaled, tipping back the last of your drink, the alcohol burning pleasantly down your throat. It did little to wash away the bitter taste on your tongue, the one that had been lingering ever since you sat down at this table and realized you’d made a terrible mistake.

Himeno was draped over Aki, laughing, touching, leaning into him like it was the most natural thing in the world. And the worst part was that he let her. Not in a way that suggested he wanted it—not quite—but in a way that suggested he was used to it. That this was normal for them.

And maybe it was. Maybe this was just what they did. Maybe you were reading too much into it, letting the alcohol meddle with your thoughts, making everything feel sharper and hazier all at once.

But it didn’t matter.

Because the ugly little thing twisting in your chest wasn’t rational. It wasn’t kind or understanding or patient. It was selfish and petty and burning with something you didn’t want to name.

Jealousy.

The very same jealousy you had mocked him for earlier that day.

Aki hadn’t liked the idea of other men looking at you, but at least he’d said something about it. You’d seen the way his eyes darkened, the way his lips pressed into a thin line, the way he practically scolded you for your outfit—an excuse, you were sure, to hide whatever it was he’d really wanted to say.

But now?

Now, you were the one watching him, waiting, hoping for even a flicker of irritation, a sign that he was just as affected by you as you were by him.

And yet, he hadn’t even looked at you once.

It was infuriating.

Maybe you just weren’t being obvious enough.

You turned, shifting your attention to the man beside you—a coworker whose name you couldn’t even remember. He had been sitting quietly, nursing his drink, but that changed the second you leaned into him.

“Hey,” you said, voice sweet, almost lazy.

He blinked, taken aback, before offering a slow grin. “Hey yourself.”

You let out a small, breathy laugh, tilting your head, letting your fingers graze over his sleeve. “I don’t think I caught your name.”

He smirked, pleased by your sudden attention, and opened his mouth to respond—

But you weren’t really listening.

Your focus had already flickered away, drifting toward the only person in the room whose reaction actually mattered.

And—finally—Aki was looking.

Sort of.

His gaze had shifted toward you, lingering on the scene unfolding at the edge of his vision. But that was all it was—an acknowledgment. A passing glance. His brows furrowed slightly, but only for a second, like he was barely bothered by what he was seeing. Then, just as quickly, he turned away, lifting his glass to his lips with maddening indifference.

That was it.

That was all you got.

And it wasn’t enough.

You wanted more.

You wanted him to react—to frown, to scowl, to say something, anything. You wanted him to shift uncomfortably in his seat, to tighten his grip on his drink, to mutter something under his breath about how you were being ridiculous. You wanted him to feel the same frustration you had been choking on all night.

But he didn’t.

Aki remained calm, collected, utterly unreadable, and the realization made something bitter settle in your throat.

The alcohol was making you reckless, but not reckless enough to ignore how utterly disappointing this was.

You let out a slow, measured exhale, fingers tightening around the glass in your hand. The man beside you was still talking, still smiling, completely unaware that your attention had long since drifted elsewhere.

And you couldn’t bring yourself to care.

Maybe this was stupid.

Maybe you were being stupid.

You were drunk. You knew that. You knew that the swirling mess of emotions in your head—frustration, jealousy, need—was amplified by the alcohol. You knew that tomorrow, when the hangover settled in and the memories came flooding back, you’d probably feel embarrassed about all of this.

And yet—

You still weren’t ready to let it go.

So you pushed further.

You leaned in just a little closer, your arm grazing against the man beside you. His cologne was faint but clung to the air—a mix of cheap and familiar. He didn’t seem to mind that you didn’t pull away, his grin widening as you lingered.

“So,” he said, swirling the last of his drink in his glass, “You from around here?”

You hummed, tilting your head as though you were thinking over the answer, though the truth was that it didn’t matter what you said. You already knew exactly what you would tell him. It wasn’t about him. You’d known that from the start.

“We work in the same department,” you replied, teasing lilt in your voice. “Of course I am. You?”

He chuckled, shifting slightly, leaning in a little. “Same. Though I guess that’s obvious, huh? You ever wonder how many of us there are? Feels like I’m always running into new faces.”

The conversation was easy. Too easy. And yet, you weren’t truly engaged with it.

You weren’t really listening to him.

Instead, your attention was fixed on something—or, more accurately, someone—across the table.

Aki sat there, an ocean of composure in the sea of chaos. Himeno spoke animatedly, her voice carrying a lightness you weren’t sure was entirely genuine. Her hand rested casually on his arm, her body language telling the world just how close they were. Aki nodded here and there, responding in short, deliberate sentences. But his eyes, his gaze, stayed mostly on his drink. He was always so careful. Always so deliberate.

Too deliberate.

You could feel the flicker of something in your chest—something hot, something sharp, something you couldn’t quite name. Your eyes narrowed, just a touch, though you kept the smile on your face, turning your attention back to the man beside you.

His voice was too loud, too eager, trying to fill the empty space. “So, you been with Public Safety long?”

“Couple of weeks now,” he said, shifting closer as though to make sure his proximity was noticed. “You?”

You nodded, but didn’t answer right away. Your fingers slid absently over the rim of your empty glass. “Long enough.”

His smile widened, like he thought he was winning some unspoken game. “Long enough for what?”

“To realize the job’s a nightmare.” You grinned at him, playful but cynical.

He laughed, a short chuckle that was surprisingly genuine. “That’s the truth.”

You hummed, allowing him to believe it was an engaging conversation. In truth, it wasn’t. It was nothing more than a distraction. Because your attention was elsewhere, on Aki, on the way his posture never shifted, even as Himeno leaned in closer, whispering something in his ear.

Another glance. Aki’s eyes flicked briefly over to you. Just a moment. Just enough to notice.

You felt a subtle flicker in your chest, something light, almost like anticipation. But you forced yourself to smile and turn back to your companion.

“So tell me,” you said, keeping the air of intrigue in your voice, “what made you join Public Safety?”

He sighed, leaning in slightly, his posture casual, like he was finally getting comfortable. “That’s a long story. You sure you wanna hear it?”

You tilted your head, feigning genuine interest. “Absolutely.”

His voice dropped lower, the words coming more slowly now, like he thought this would be the part where he finally had you hooked. You smiled faintly, but your attention wasn’t on him. It wasn’t on anything he was saying.

Across the table, Aki glanced at you again.

This time, it wasn’t subtle. His eyes lingered longer than the brief flicker from before. He didn’t say anything, didn’t react outwardly. He just looked. And you, ever the observer, couldn’t help but notice.

That was all. Nothing else.

You couldn’t decide whether it was enough or not. Maybe it wasn’t. Maybe you were just too drunk to care about the subtleties anymore. Maybe you wanted more than just a glance. Maybe you wanted something real. Something tangible.

But instead, you just returned to the conversation, nodding in all the right places. Your fingers traced the edge of your glass absentmindedly.

“—and that’s when I realized,” your coworker continued, “I might as well get paid to fight devils if I’m gonna be doing it anyway, right?”

You laughed, keeping your voice light, your eyes flicking to the side once again. Aki was still watching, still observing, but he didn’t say a word.

The silence in his gaze was louder than any words could have been.

You exhaled softly, almost wistfully, as if you were letting go of something, though you weren’t entirely sure what that was.

Another glance, but this time, there was something more to it. Aki’s expression hadn’t changed, but there was something in the way his gaze softened just a fraction, like he was finally, maybe, letting his guard down just the tiniest bit.

But was that even real?

You weren’t sure anymore.

Your fingers tapped against the table, absentmindedly now, your irritation bubbling just beneath the surface.

This wasn’t how you wanted things to go.

You wanted more. You wanted Aki to act like you were the one who mattered. But he didn’t. And the longer you played this game, the more it felt like you were just losing. Losing in ways you couldn’t quite explain.

You didn’t know when it happened—when the conversation with your coworker became a blur of empty words—but you found yourself restless, uncomfortable in a way you couldn’t shake. The alcohol wasn’t helping anymore. It wasn’t softening the edges of your frustration.

You looked over at Aki one last time.

He wasn’t looking at you anymore.

Instead, he was focused on his drink, his face unreadable.

That was it. You were done.

You exhaled, slow and heavy, then stood up abruptly. The movement was sharp, too quick, as if you were trying to shake off the weight that had settled on your chest.

“Excuse me,” you muttered, keeping your tone neutral, though it was nothing but forced.

Your coworker blinked up at you, surprise flashing across his features. “Everything okay?”

You didn’t grace him with a response, instead, you stumbled onto your two feet, ignoring the way the room spun around you. You had decided that you were going to give him a piece of your mind. Yeah, you were going to walk up to him, get all up in his stupid face and tell him exactly how much of an asshole he was. You didn’t care if it was messy. You just… hated looking at his stupid, pretty mug.

Walking over to his side of the table took a great deal of effort. You plopped yourself right down into the empty space right next to him, at the edge of the table. Slowly, he turned to look at you, as if he was about to ask you again, in that rough voice of his, “What the hell are you doing?”

But the words never came. The words never came out, and neither did yours.

Instead, drunken brain figuring actions spoke louder than words, you grabbed him by the collar with a sudden surge of confidence. Then, not giving a rat’s ass who was watching, you had your second drunk incident.

You kissed him. In front of all of your coworkers.

It was messy, frantic, like the last piece of something that had been building up inside of you for far too long. You didn’t know how it happened or why, but there you were, lips pressing desperately against his. Your body swayed with the motion, the alcohol dulling your senses, but there was an overwhelming, irrational clarity in that kiss. You could feel the warmth of his breath, the slight stiffening of his muscles, the way his body went rigid under your touch.

For a moment, everything else ceased to exist.

Then, just as suddenly, Aki pulled away, breaking the kiss with a sharpness that felt too harsh. His eyes were wide, still locked onto you, his lips parted in shock, like he couldn’t quite believe what had just happened.

Your heart skipped a beat, and something cold slithered through you.

What had you done?

His silence stretched between you, heavy and suffocating. The room felt quieter than it had been just moments ago, every noise around you now distorted, as if everything had slowed down just to give you this moment of pure, unrelenting humiliation.

Aki didn’t say anything. He didn’t even flinch, but there was something in his gaze that you couldn’t quite place—something almost… horrified?

No, that wasn’t it.

The silence dragged on until Denji’s voice cut through it, sharp and mocking. “You’re getting just as bad as Himeno,” he said, his grin wide and unrepentant.

Everyone else in the room laughed, the sound of their amusement stabbing through you, making your stomach churn. It should’ve been funny. It should’ve been easy to brush off, but the only thing that mattered was the look in Aki’s eyes.

He wasn’t laughing.

You glanced at him, eyes searching for any hint of reaction, but his expression was unreadable. His gaze was fixed on you, his lips pressed together in a tight line. The others may have been caught up in the moment, but Aki wasn’t. He was staring at you, like he was waiting for you to say something—anything.

Your pulse quickened, and the weight of the room’s laughter pressed down on you. Your head spun. What was happening to you?

You could feel the heat rising in your cheeks, the embarrassment crawling under your skin like a thousand tiny needles. You had hoped for a reaction—hell, you were practically begging for one—but not like this.

You stumbled to your feet again, unsteady but determined to get away from the sharp gaze that had pinned you in place. You couldn’t take it. You couldn’t stand the weight of his stare anymore. You needed to run away.

“I… I’ll be right back,” you muttered, the words slurring just slightly as you turned away, trying to make your escape. “Excuse me.”

You didn’t wait for anyone to respond. You didn’t care if they did. You just had to get out of there.

As you walked away, your vision blurred again, but you didn’t stop. You stumbled towards the bathroom, the sound of your heart pounding in your ears louder than any of the laughter behind you. You didn’t dare look back.

The alcohol had made you bold. It had made you reckless.

But it had also made you stupid.

And as you pushed open the bathroom door and stepped inside, you couldn’t help but wonder what the hell you’d just done.

What the fuck?

What the fuck?

You stopped just inside, pressing your palms to the cool tile of the wall. The rush of alcohol was still clouding your thoughts, but now there was a terrible clarity. You'd just kissed Aki. In front of everyone. In front of all your coworkers. And now... now you were alone with the knowledge of how utterly stupid you had been.

What the fuck? You repeated the thought over and over in your head as you began to pace back and forth in the small, confined space. It was like your body was moving faster than your brain, instinctively trying to outrun the tidal wave of embarrassment and regret crashing through you. You didn’t know if you wanted to scream or cry or—hell, throw something. But no, instead, you just walked in circles, repeating the same mistake over and over in your head, each thought making the room spin more and more.

What the hell had possessed you? You weren’t like this. You didn’t act out. You didn’t make reckless decisions without thinking, not like this, not in a way that could ruin everything. But somehow, in the heat of that moment, everything felt like it had blurred. You were drunk, yes, but there was something else—a need, a want, an impulse that you couldn’t control.

You stopped pacing for a second, staring at your reflection in the mirror. Your lipstick had smeared, probably from when he pulled away. You didn’t even care to fix it. The dark circles under your eyes seemed more pronounced now, the weight of your own humiliation pressing down on you. You looked... stupid. Weak. You had no idea what was running through his head.

Just as you were about to slap yourself for being so fucking reckless, you heard a faint knock at the door. The sound echoed in the silence of the room, jarring, like a warning. You froze, the tension building in your chest, your heart hammering as you realized someone else might be there.

“Occupied!” You didn’t mean to snap, but you couldn’t help it. Your voice came out shaky, uneven, as though you were bracing yourself for some kind of confrontation. The last thing you wanted was to be disturbed.

But then, to your horror, the door swung open anyway.

You looked up in disbelief, ready to shout at whoever dared to enter, but the words died in your throat when you saw who it was.

Aki.

His presence seemed to swallow the space, every inch of the air between you two thick with something unspoken. He closed the door behind him with a soft click, and the sound reverberated, amplifying the sudden quiet. His eyes were locked onto yours, unreadable. You stared at him for a long moment, the reality of your actions setting in like ice water over your body. What the hell was he doing here? Why wasn’t he angry?

You expected him to yell, to storm in and tell you how stupid you were, how you’d embarrassed him in front of everyone. You expected him to scold you, to say something, anything. But he didn’t.

Instead, he just stood there, his gaze unwavering. His mouth parted slightly, as if he was about to say something. You could see the tension in his posture, the way his jaw tightened, the muscles in his neck flexing with a barely contained intensity. But he said nothing. He just stared.

And you, frozen in place, could do nothing but stare back.

It felt like the world had shifted. All the noise outside the bathroom seemed to fall away, leaving only the two of you standing in this charged silence. For a second, you thought you might be able to breathe again, to say something. Apologize, maybe. Tell him you didn’t mean it, that the alcohol had made you do something foolish. But before you could even open your mouth, he stepped forward, closing the distance between you.

His presence enveloped you, too close now, and just as your breath caught in your throat, he kissed you again.

His lips were firm, and for a moment, you didn’t know whether to melt into it or push him away. But then it didn’t matter. You were weak all over again. Everything you had been trying to suppress, all those feelings that had been brewing between you two, came rushing to the surface in that one moment. The kiss was raw, intense, but it wasn’t angry—it was something else. Something neither of you had the words for.

And before you could fully register what was happening, he pulled away.

His eyes were half-lidded, his breath coming in sharp pants as he looked down at you. There was a flicker of something in his gaze, something you couldn’t quite place, but it wasn’t anger. It wasn’t the reproach you’d expected. It was more like confusion, or maybe frustration. His brows furrowed, and he let out a small sigh, as if trying to gather his thoughts.

“God, you’re messing with my fucking head,” he muttered, his voice low, thick with tension. It wasn’t a reprimand, but it felt like a confession. And in the silence that followed, you could hear the weight of everything that wasn’t being said.

You stood there, your heart still racing, the taste of him lingering on your lips, feeling like an idiot. It wasn’t just your body that had betrayed you—it was your mind, too. You had no idea what had made you do it, but now there he was, standing right in front of you, and all you could do was look at him.

You wanted to say something—apologize, maybe. Tell him that you didn’t mean for things to get out of hand, but the words were stuck in your throat. You wanted to say something that would make it all better, but everything you could think of felt hollow in comparison to what had just happened.

And as you stood there, breathless and still, you realized that you couldn’t take back what had just occurred. Not now, not ever.

You both stood there in that space, caught between the tension and the confusion. You had no idea where to go from here.

“I’m messing… with your head?” You slurred, suddenly rather dizzy from the lack of space between you and him. “You’re messing with my fucking head.”

He shook his head, like you couldn’t possibly grasp the depth of what he was telling you, “I’m trying to stay away from you. I’m trying to push you away, but you just… you make it so fucking hard, do you know that?”

You nearly burst into laughter at that. Here he goes again with that heroic bullshit. “Hard to do the right thing?” You teased, voice dropping an octave to mimic him. “Aki, you need to let loose a little. Seriously.”

He sighed, shoulders dropping, leaning into the place where your hand cradled his face like he couldn’t resist. Like he hadn’t been touched so tenderly in his entire life. “I can’t.”

Of course not. You thought. Who else is going to make the decisions for everybody else?

Maybe you weren’t giving him enough credit. Being a captain seemed stressful. You couldn’t imagine having to bear the cross of constant righteousness, let alone the way he did – flawlessly, without a crack in his exterior…

Until now.

“Maybe not, but I think you can allow yourself this one thing. Who cares about the power dynamic when we’re in uniform?” You replied easily, with a smile. 

“Allow myself to indulge in you, you mean,” He retorted, but his tone lacked any bite. Half of a smile rested upon his lips, eyes peering down at you through long, pretty lashes.

Truthfully speaking, he was breathtaking – tired blue eyes gazing into yours, desire replacing what had once been a burning hatred, lips just barely parted around a trembling breath. He looked uncertain and, frankly, drunk.

That was never good news for the two of you.

“Sure,” You shrugged anyway, even though you knew you didn’t even believe the words coming out of your mouth, “What’s the harm in a little fun?”

There was plenty of harm in it, especially when he wasn’t just some faceless hookup. He was the sole occupant of your thoughts, your spirit, your dreams. He was like an obsession, something that (clearly) made you behave rather stupidly. He was dangerous. That much, you knew.

But, standing nearly a foot shorter than him, you couldn’t think about that now. All you could think about was how goddamn pretty he looked beneath the dim, flickering light of the seedy bathroom, fluorescent rays casting shadows over his face, making him look older, somehow.

You could drown in him, you thought. 

“It won’t just be a little fun,” He remarked. “I’m not a half-ass kind of guy. If you want me, you’re gonna get all of me. I don’t do casual sex, that’s the problem.”

I like the sound of that, the dirtier, more depraved part of you thought, but you quickly pushed it down. 

Your hand dropped down to brace itself on his chest, on the hard planes of his pectorals. His much larger one slid up to your jaw, cupping your face oh-so-gently. Then, slowly, his thumb caught on your lower lip, tugging it down ever so slightly, as if testing the waters.

“I want all of you,” You replied. “The good, the bad, whatever the fuck else you got going on. Not like there’s anything casual about this, anyway.”

“You don’t know what you’re saying,” He huffed out a tipsy little laugh, pressing his forehead up against yours. He was close, now – so close that you were dizzy from the scent of him, the beer on his breath, the mint, the nicotine, the cologne. 

He’s still putting that damn wall up.

“Why are you always so worried about protecting everyone else? You’re allowed to enjoy things, even if they might not… hic… be the best idea,” You replied, desperate to get him to open up and let you in for once. You were so close, you could almost taste it.

“So you admit that this is a bad idea?” He answered back, the faintest hint of a smile lingering on his pink lips.

“Very much so. We’re coworkers. You’re my supervisor, and we couldn’t exactly be anything more than more-than-friends,” You breathed out as he leaned in a little closer. Up this close, his nose just barely brushed against the tip of yours. “But I’m a big girl. I’ve done my research. I know exactly what I’m saying,” A pause, during which you exhaled, and then you added, “I meant what I said… I want you to let me have all of you. Everything that you can give me.”

It was true. Every single last word of it – you were desperate for any part of him you could get. If that excluded his heart, then, well, you would do your best to keep your own out of it. 

These sorts of things only ever led to disaster, you knew that.

But you figured you would spend the rest of your life wishing you hadn’t than wishing you had.

“What if…”  He exhaled slowly, like it pained him to do so. “What if things get complicated? You know we can’t really be together, right? And we would have to keep whatever the hell this is a secret?”

“We can cross that bridge when we get there,” You retorted. “I like to think I’m pretty good at keeping secrets. I promise it won’t get in the way of work, or anything else. Just…” You tightened your grasp around the fabric of his shirt, bunching it up into white layers in your fist, “Let me have you. Who cares about doing the right thing? Not like we’re going to Heaven, anyway, right?”

“You hated me a few weeks ago, and now you’re begging for me. You do realize how ridiculous that sounds, right?” He tilted his head. There was a humorous lilt to his words, one that told you that he wasn’t entirely as repulsed by the idea of pursuing a sexual relationship with you as you had originally thought. “What if one of us develops feelings? And what if we were found out? What would everyone else think? It would be your honor on the line.”

He looked so kissable right now, eyes trained on yours in that very unique way of his – the one that made you breathless. Gently, you wrapped your arms around the back of his neck, leaning into him (and not just because you were drunk).

“Fuck what everyone else thinks,” You teased, bringing your faces that much closer together. “I want you, Aki.” Then, trailing a finger down his chest, catching on a button before continuing down, you added, “Let me have you. Who cares about how long it’ll last if we enjoy it, right?”

Aki exhaled sharply, his breath warm against your lips, so close it made your stomach twist into knots. His fingers, rough and calloused, tightened around your jaw—firm, grounding, as if he were trying to memorize the shape of you before he inevitably did something he couldn’t take back. His eyes flickered down to your lips, hesitation warring with need, and for a moment, you thought he was going to pull away.

Then, like a breaking dam, he gave in.

His lips crashed against yours, desperate, consuming, like he had been starving for this and couldn’t stand another second without tasting you. The sheer force of it sent your back colliding with the wall behind you, a breathless gasp slipping from your mouth at the sudden contact. You barely registered the discomfort—all you could focus on was him. Aki, pressing against you, his body flush against yours, his scent overwhelming your senses.

Mint. Smoke. The faintest trace of cologne.

You could have drowned in it. In him.

His mouth was hot, demanding, moving against yours with a fervor that made your knees weak. You didn’t even realize you had grabbed at him until your fingers were tangled in the crisp white fabric of his shirt, fisting it, holding on like you might fall apart without him. And maybe you would. Maybe you already were.

A soft sound escaped you—something caught between a sigh and a whimper—and it made him kiss you harder. His grip tightened at your waist, fingers pressing into the fabric of your uniform, branding you, like he wanted to leave a mark. A reminder. The thought sent a thrill down your spine.

Aki kissed like he fought—intense, calculated, like he was putting every last piece of himself into it. And fuck, it was intoxicating. The way his lips moved with such precision, the way his hands gripped you like he needed you. Like you were something vital.

For a moment, you let yourself believe it.

Then, just as suddenly as he started, he pulled away.

You didn’t even realize you were chasing after him until your lips brushed against empty air, a quiet little noise of protest slipping from your throat. You blinked up at him, dazed, drunk off him. His forehead rested against yours, his breaths uneven, ragged, his hands still clinging to your waist like he didn’t trust himself to let go completely.

He looked at you, blue eyes blown wide, pupils dark with something dangerous, something that made your chest feel tight.

“Okay,” he exhaled, voice rough, strained. His grip on you flexed, like he was solidifying this decision for himself. “I’m in.”

For a split second, you didn’t register it.

Then, you laughed—a breathless, triumphant thing, relief and something far more wicked curling through your veins. Without thinking, you surged forward, capturing his lips again, this time with even more force.

It was messy, a little reckless, but you didn’t care. You wanted to feel him, wanted to take as much as he was willing to give. And for once, Aki didn’t hesitate. His hands found your hips again, pulling you impossibly close, pressing you against the wall like he never wanted to let you go. You hummed into his mouth, satisfaction curling through you like a slow burn, threading through your veins like fire.

He was yours.

At least, for now.

That thought lingered, cold and sharp, somewhere in the back of your mind.

No feelings. No attachments.

You should have been relieved. You should have felt free.

Instead, the words settled in your chest like a warning, like an inevitability you were too far gone to stop.

Back at the table, you forced yourself to smile, laughing at something Himeno said, acting like nothing had happened. Like you hadn’t just had Aki pressed against you in the bathroom, his lips hot and desperate against yours, his hands gripping you like he never wanted to let go. Like you hadn’t been the one to pull him back in when he hesitated. Like your heartbeat wasn’t still pounding in your throat, your body still thrumming with the imprint of him.

You took a sip of your drink, letting the alcohol burn away the taste of him.

Himeno leaned in, her eyes glinting with something sly, something that made your stomach tighten. “So,” she drawled, her chin propped in her hand, “that was some kiss back at the table earlier.” A slow smirk curled at her lips. “And you two took an awfully long time to come back.”

Your fingers tightened around your glass. You kept your expression even, casual. Normal.

“We were talking about it,” you said smoothly, swirling the drink in your hand. “It was a mistake. He was telling me all about… uh, like—policies and shit, and how it can never happen again. You know, the whole nine yards.”

It wasn’t a lie, exactly. He had said all that. Right before you kissed him again.

Himeno tilted her head, eyeing you with lazy amusement. “I thought you hated him.”

You scoffed, shaking your head. “I’m drunk, Himeno. I kissed you. Doesn’t mean I’m gay.”

“Right,” she hummed, but there was something unreadable in her gaze. Like she wasn’t entirely convinced.

You exhaled through your nose, forcing a laugh, leaning in just enough to nudge her arm. “You’re in no position to talk, Miss I’ve-Kissed-Everyone-in-Public-Safety.”

That finally made her snort, but the sharp edge in her expression didn’t fade. She twirled the straw in her drink, eyes flicking to you, then past you, like she was putting something together.

“Never Aki,” she murmured, almost like an afterthought. But her voice had gone quieter, more thoughtful. Her fingers traced absent patterns against the rim of her glass. “He’s a total hardass. I’m surprised he let you.”

Something in your stomach lurched. You swallowed it down.

Her gaze flicked up, meeting yours again, sharper this time. “He’s not the mystery guy, is he?”

You laughed—too quick, too dismissive. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

Himeno exhaled, dragging her thumb across the condensation on her glass. She didn’t look entirely convinced, but she didn’t press it. Just hummed and shook her head, taking another slow sip. “No, you’re right,” she mused. “You guys are total opposites. That would never work.”

She was drinking more now, fingers gripping her glass a little too tightly.

You should’ve felt relieved. Should’ve let the conversation die right there. But your heart was still pounding, your skin still warm where Aki had touched you, and the lie sat heavy in your chest, weighing you down.

Then, your phone buzzed against the table.

You glanced down.

A text from him. You flipped the small device open, scanning the message – the first message you had ever received from him.

CAPTAIN HAYAKAWA: I think you’ve had enough to drink.

Typing…

YOU: Says who?

CAPTAIN HAYAKAWA: The guy watching you sway back and forth like you’re about to pass out.

You blinked, glancing up across the table. Aki wasn’t looking at you—at least, not directly. His posture was the same as always, stiff, unreadable, his attention seemingly on his own drink. But you knew better. Knew he’d been watching, keeping track, the way he always did.

Your lips curled slightly, fingers moving before you could think better of it.

YOU: Guilty. Would you carry me back to my apartment again if I did?

This time, he hesitated. You could picture him, jaw tightening, eyes narrowing ever so slightly at the screen, debating whether or not to indulge you with a response.

You watched him carefully, waiting, your heart hammering just a little too hard against your ribs.

Then, his phone lit up in his hand. His fingers moved.

CAPTAIN HAYAKAWA: Put the beer down.

Something in you wavered.

You stared at the words, at the quiet command laced in them, at the way your body reacted before your mind could catch up. Your fingers tightened around your glass, your grip faltering, indecisive.

Then, slowly, you set the beer down.

You hesitated, only for a second—but the strangest part was that you wanted to obey. Some deep, inexplicable part of you wanted to listen to him, to let him take control, to let him look after you the way he always did.

Even if he never should have. Even if this—whatever this was—couldn’t happen again.

Across the table, Aki’s gaze flickered up, just for a second. Then, your phone buzzed with another message.

CAPTAIN HAYAKAWA: Good girl.

Your breath caught in your throat.

Heat spread through you, slow and dizzying, pooling low in your stomach. You blinked down at the words, pulse hammering behind your ribs. The praise, so simple, so quiet— it got to you. The worst part was that he had to know it would. Had to know what he was doing when he sent it.

Your fingers curled around the device, clutching it tightly in your lap as something restless, something dangerous coiled in your chest. You felt hot—too hot. Like you needed to down the rest of your drink just to cool the sudden heat rising up your spine.

A slow, unbidden smile tugged at the corner of your lips.

Himeno leaned over, peering at you with mild curiosity. “What are you smiling at?”

You blinked, barely even realizing you had been. Quickly, you forced the expression away, snapping the phone shut with a practiced ease.

“Nothing,” you said smoothly, forcing a small laugh, tilting your head like you weren’t completely unraveling on the inside. “I just saw something funny.”

Himeno hummed, unconvinced, but didn’t press.

You exhaled, reaching for your drink on instinct—then, at the last second, you hesitated. Your fingers ghosted over the glass but didn’t lift it. Aki’s words still lingered in your mind, simmering.

You glanced up.

And met his gaze.

It was fleeting, just a second—but in that second, everything tightened. The air between you stretched thin, charged with something neither of you could acknowledge, something too dangerous to name. His expression was unreadable, but his eyes—sharp, unwavering—held yours like a quiet reminder. Like a challenge.

Your pulse skipped.

Then, before you could stop yourself, you smiled. Small. Subtle. Something just for him.

Aki didn’t react, not at first. But you caught it—the way his fingers curled just slightly against the table, the way his throat bobbed as he exhaled slow and steady through his nose.

You tucked a stray strand of hair behind your ear, feigning nonchalance, letting the movement ground you.

Then, with a flick of your gaze, you turned back to Himeno—acting as if nothing had happened at all.

a/n: a win is a win. IDC WHAT YALL SAY A WIN IS A WIN!!!! lmk ur thoughtssss ur wantsss, yk the drill. i'm a whore for validation so i'll probably do it!!!!!

credits: einruji__ on twitter . I obviously do not own csm or anything related to it. please do not reproduce, copy, or translate my works anywhere. dont fk w me im a bruja.

also: come find me on my wattpad if u wanna interact more!

taglist: @mitsuyeahhh , @sleepysnk , @enneadec , @noaabean , @em1e , @drakensdarling , @bertholdts--butt , @satanlovesusall666 , @mitsuwuyaa , @noctifule , @scaraphobia , @ask-the-insect-hashira , @lovingranchturkeyweasel , @bontensbabygirl , @slvdsjjk , @novacrystalli , @hanmastattoos , @kodzuksn , @hqtiny , @ohmaiscool15 , @redlittlequeen , @leivane , @goldeneagles-posts , @yeahblahlame , @no-oneelsebutnsu , @cookiesandcreammy , @cawwn , @the-haitani-baton , @littlelovebug98 , @armani78 , @mindurownbussines , @kokos-property , @violetmatcha , @hp-simp505 , @acethebrave , @mitsuyeahhh , @sleepysnk , @enneadec , @noaabean , @em1e , @drakensdarling , @bertholdts--butt , @satanlovesusall666 , @mitsuwuyaa , @noctifule , @scaraphobia , @ask-the-insect-hashira , @lovingranchturkeyweasel , @bontensbabygirl , @slvdsjjk , @novacrystalli , @hanmastattoos , @kodzuksn , @hqtiny , @ohmaiscool15 , @redlittlequeen , @leivane , @goldeneagles-posts , @yeahblahlame , @no-oneelsebutnsu , @cookiesandcreammy , @cawwn , @the-haitani-baton , @littlelovebug98 , @armani78 , @mindurownbussines , @kokos-property , @violetmatcha , @hp-simp505 , @mrshayakawaa, @xxpr3ttyk173rxx

wanna join the taglist? | pornstar ; chapter index

[everything-transmasculine]

Apologies if this is far too venty for this blog, but I just gotta rant.

I try to frequent both transandrophobia tags and transmysoginy.

I found transandrophobia while trying to find other people who related to my specific experiences, so I could find a support system and know that I'm not alone. Know that I'm not crazy, that the way people treat me really is related to my trans masculinity.

Then, I frequent transmysoginy, because I want to learn and be aware of the struggles trans women & transfemmes face.

But at this point, I can't view the transmysoginy tag without getting slapped with "fuck men" and "tme's should be shot" and "trans men don't have any problems"

I know it's only a very small vocal minority, I know the vast majority of people who post on that tag are alright. They don't hate us. They support us. They know we're struggling.

But it hurts. It hurts terribly as trans men & transmascs already do not have a support system. We don't have anybody but each other. We're expected to just "man up and deal with it".

It feels like I'm looking at these tags as a form of unintentional self harm at this point.

It's weird, because, from my perspective, most folk constantly remind that, the shitty transphobic posts on the transmisoginy tag, are obviously just a vocal minority and shouldn't be the mascot for the entire tag.

But it feels as though nobody gives that same thought for the transandrophobia tag.

theres no such thing as too venty anon - im here to support you, no matter how complicated or difficult the topic is. :)

ive noticed a definite uptick in “fuck transmascs” as a sentiment from across the site, whether that be in transmisogyny tags, or otherwise - and while this is a very vocal minority who are co-opting the terminology for their own personal gain (reactionary groups LOVE stealing legitimate terminology to prop themselves up as “more logical”) it still is very disheartening to see. when i trawl the usual tags for antitransmasculinity, i really dont see this same sentiment echoed - yes, there are some people who use it for personal gain, as is with any popular tag on tumblr, but the majority of the posts in the tags “transandrophobia” and its derivatives… its mostly just transmasculine people speaking about the horrific abuse theyve had to endure, or its transmasculine people calling for trans unity. those who do try to instigate trans separatism and calls for lateral aggression should be drowned out, laughed at and ignored.

i think this vocal minority is definitely doing more harm than good to the trans community as a whole, and these bad actors are counting on that to destabilize and delegitamize any attempts at trans unity. these people - in both tags - are not dealing with the repercussions of their transphobia offline, they are stirring the pot and then dipping. its easier to stir up a group of people against eachother than it is to unify them - especially when we are already so diverse. its important to recognize and remember that these people calling for violence against trans people (of any kind) are not our allies. these are not people we should be giving ANY attention - because, ultimately, what they want is attention. what they want is a platform. rule #1 of the internet - dont feed the trolls.

as an aside - no, i dont think some transfems and trans women being snappy or insulting online is a systemic issue. i am speaking about real world repercussions and consequences transmasculine people are facing (myself included in that - i have some stories) due to the pervasiveness and reparroting of anti trans rhetoric under the guise of it being “punching up” here… because at the end of the day, youre still just punching. (what i mean is, we are seeing a lot of watered down versions of transphobia, but that doesnt mean it doesnt still hurt.)

[genderqueerdykes]

hi so im sorry if this is rude or anything im just kinda confused ab some things. so one of the posts on this blog mentions that if you hate trans men then your transphobic, which i agree with, but does it mean in the sense of if you say you hate all men (including trans men) that makes you transphobic? (typing that out makes me realize how stupid it is 😓) and also a post was speaking ab terfs and it said smthing along the lines of ‘trans men can be lesbian’ and maybe I dont get it but if trans men are men how can they be lesbians if the meaning of being a lesbian is wlw/nblnb (i think thats the right one)?

pls don’t feel like you need to answer or anything, and thanks if you do. have a good day!

hello!

it is still transphobic, yes. this is also antimasculism. saying that you hate all men affects, well... all men. and that includes other queer men, too. men are not a cishet monolith, and it's not good to hate random cishet men, either. the gender of "man" did not hurt you. specific men hurt you. hating and hiding from a gender pathologically will not keep you safe from harm. women can hurt you. non binary people can hurt you. profiling strangers especially gets dangerous because you are assuming things about them. you can't tell if a stranger in public is a cishet man or not just by looking at them. they could be a trans man, a non binary person, a genderfluid person, a closeted/boymoding trans woman, and so on.

manhood is not bad. it's not something dangerous or scary. behaving this way perpetuates the idea that men can never change or improve or try to do better. forcing them into a box of "Disgusting, vile, must be hated" will only make shitty behaviors worse, because this is reinforcing that they can't ever get better, so why bother? might as well keep doing the same shitty things

men can be lesbians, there's no rules. lesbian does not mean woman. anyone of any gender can be a lesbian. many trans men start out in the lesbian community and wish to stay there because we never lose that part of ourselves. many trans men just are lesbians regardless. i honestly highly recommend talking to the butch community and just transmascs in general because i feel like people who assume that it "doesn't make sense" literally just... have not talked to more than a small handful of transmascs

like, my honest suggestion is to just gain exposure to the butch and lesbian communities outside of white cis gender conforming femme lesbians if you're curious about this experience, because it's so common that if you're in a queer space you basically can't throw a rock without hitting a transmasc lesbian somewhere in the process. anyone of any gender can be a lesbian or gay. many trans women start off in the gay community and still identify as gay men ever after realizing they're also trans women. this phenomenon exists in other communities.

people are just needlessly fixated on trans men being lesbians because "oh no! men are so dangerous to the poor defenseless women!!!!!! they can't protect themselves we have to ban everyone and anyone who looks even slightly masc!!!! soft butches ONLY we don't want any masculine people around here they're too scary!!!!!!" that feeling in your brain that tells you that trans men can't be lesbians is a cop, and you're allowed to kill it.

hope that helps! take care!

[wifeiy]

Greetings, Nia~~~ Hope you're having a pleasant day <3 I saw your latest post about TS LIs, and I'm here to talk about certain demon gentlemen we know and love ☺️

Even though Ais only had minor changes in his part, I think the "It's a nice laugh" scene hit hard for all of us Ais lovers (or maybe some idk)I'm still recovering from that scene as we speak. The "..brush away a tear with a MADDENING SOFTNESS" really has me in a death grip. Because wdym by that? Is he afraid his touch might hurt us?? like his touch could burn or something????//// inhale exhaaalllleeeeee

Ok but hear me out, what if; he didn't touch but just stared and you noticed this and asked, "What?" This startled him and his pupils go slit. He wants to say smth but words choke in his throat so he just looks away, rubbing the back off his neck, like he's nervous, covering his mouth with his knuckles. Then he looks at you, eyes softening into crescent. It's subtle but you can see blush paints his cheeks and even his ears. The corner of his mouth lifts slightly, then you heard a whisper, so soft it feels like it was meant only for you to hear it; "It's a nice laugh." ///PUNCHES WALLS-- crying and throwing up

I know of this feels like an OOC but yknow! what if he does hve this side of him? reserved for someone tht he finds truly interesting?? He becomes a bit shy and maybe awkward when trying to show genuine feelings? It’s such a contrast to someone who jst knocked a guy half-dead

IM SO SORRY W THE SUDDEN BABBLE gksajdgas I need the man blush ok,, cuz we got none in this update SOBSSS Aight Imma go back to my basement🧑‍🦯 Have a good day~

KEN!! hi hiii!! my good day has gotten better with your visit! :3 and not just any visit but one with the Sensational Idea of genuine/blushy ais?!?! 🤯😭😵 and now i, nia wifeiy, am here to expand!! >:3 **so sorry this got so much longer than intended. i got Lost in the Sauce idek what my goals were here.

i think it's hard to imagine awkward or shy ais because he's So. Steady and Confident and Open with his emotions. cool considerate consent and communication king. he's just Like That smh /silly. for someone he's truly interested in, in my mind it (sharing genuine feelings) manifests less as shy awkwardness, and moreso pauses before speaking to think about what to say.. 🤔 which i guess is his own way of being shy and avoiding said awkwardness actually. LMAO

so mMMm i see what u mean with feeling OOC. but it's nOT because flustered genuine ais is impossible!! THAT SIDE OF HIM IS REAL! TO ME! but at the start.... harder to find.

like, in the ocudeus scene specifically i think that, to some extent, ais wanted to amuse/relax mc with his comment.. so he'd have to be off-guard/unexpecting to be flustered :0

also ais's base level composure means he bounces back quickly from being flustered.. esp earlier in the relationship (pre-dating) he's more conscious about tucking away that softer side of him? he likes you, but it can't be That easy! THOUGH he might still blush or soften before deflecting/carrying on >:3

SO!! to FIND a stumbling, genuine ais, imo it'd be later when he's realizing the depth of his feelings. Before he reaches the point of trying to cut you off (iirc he was the one who got too attached to vere?). maybe you find him while he's having a Crisis about it and seeing you magnifies everything he's feeling, and for once he struggles with what to say or do. though that's not a fun fluffy scenario anymore... orz

to BRING OUT a shy blushy ais i would attack with sincere affection after an emotionally vulnerable conversation!! or when emotions are already heightened!! his guard's down, his attention is on you, all he can think about is you, etc. like: you saw straight through him/shown How well you know him and he's like [ ! ], you've both shared something really vulnerable, had a near-death experience, or even (gasp!) saying "i love you" for the first time, etc. etc.

YOUR DESCRIPTION OF HIM IS SOOO 😭🫶 Ais... I need him bad. i am here to share some More thoughts !! >:3

the ais in my head is. Hm. i don't know how to explain my ais. he walks the line of having his heart on his sleeve in a specific way that means. a lot of the time if he Is flustered or hiding from you, he doesn't hide the fact that he's hiding from you .? he's not wholly exposed, but to some extent he always lets you see him.... i don't think i make sense. Sorry .

like if it's a sincere compliment. there's the Eyes widening and stare and words getting stuck in his throat (ur a genius 4 that. cool witty guy Can't be cool and witty?? HELL YES!). and then. he doesn't Turn away from you . But he brings his hand to his face and covers his eyes while he softly laughs in disbelief. he covers his eyes instead of his laugh because he wants you to see it. and when he lets his hand fall YES there's a faint blush and his eyes are soft crescents and his smile and voice are gentle YEAS!!

not 2 say he never looks away. i imagine him doing that a lot w his. Emotional Crisis portion of the relationship at least.

covering his laugh with his knuckles.. that's so beautiful to me. i think it's if you do something and his own laughter catches him off guard. and you're like AIS and he's like sorry (not sorry).

^ and wouldn't it be so nice if you said something that caught him sO off guard he covered his mouth but failed to hide a bright smile and laugh. ais's laugh... can u imagine it... i just fell to my knees

also shy flustered ais might appear if you baby him. just being so so sweet on him kissing his face and being affectionate LOLLL like. to be nsft i guess. if it's during or after sex or something.. flustered and flushed ais oh my goodness. HELP ME!! HELP!! orz o(-(

blushy ais when princess exposes him somehow. i don't know how. it doesn't even have to be princess i just think that'd be an incredible move

pouty blushy ais is so cute he looks like he just got in trouble. or, again, you saw straight through him and he's like >:/ because he can't deny it BSJAHDJSHD

& the 'maddening softness' KILLED MEEE like, he told us about ocudeus in a sort of joke-y tone, but probably still prepared for Some sort of Bad reaction just in case—only to be met with Laughter??

that must've been a relief. that it wasn't a bad impression, that talking about something that's probably fucking him up can be a source of reprieve for you (and joke copium for him at the same time). of course he'd wipe away your tear with maddening softness this guy probably can't believe you're still here and he likes the fact that the shitty curse that brought you to him the seaspring hasn't prevented you from laughing like this!! OH MY GOD!! OHHMYGODD OH MY GODDDD MY