#<- this for personal art because i like making things hard for myself
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Hello Tracy, I've been a fan of Lackadaisy since the webcomic days and want to ask a quick question regarding Patreon. I'm also an indie creative myself and currently trying to raise funds for a show I'm working on. What are the best ways to market myself online, and what are some ways to obtain money for the production of merchandise that doesn't involve crowdfunding?
Any specific advice I could give about marketing oneself online at this point would be pretty outdated. I started making Lackadaisy years back, when the internet had a rather different geography and culture. DeviantArt was where all the art kids were. That is, of course, no longer the case.
My generalized advice, though, would be to start working on your project, start sharing it in some form, even if it's just concept art or experiments at this phase, and start building an audience. Nothing speaks to the quality and appeal of whatever it is you're making like the thing itself does. Pick your poisons, as far as social media goes, but probably don't focus solely on one. Platforms don't remain useful or pleasant places to be forever. Set up an avenue for viewers to support you (Patreon, Ko-fi, or something like it), but don't expect supporters to come flooding in all at once. The internet is awash with so many creators and shows and influencers and distractions, it's hard to make waves. Tenacity will be your ally, though. You are likely going to be pursuing your project on the side and possibly working at a loss for a while as you build. Keep things small scale, especially if you're working solo, or with a small team of people. Audience growth and support may eventually start allowing you to expand your ambitions. It's important to do the thing you're doing out of love for the art, for the project itself, for the experience of doing it, and not because you're expecting rounds of applause, accolades, and money to come rushing at you. There's no guarantee that last part will happen...so at least make sure you're having fun doing whatever you're doing.
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About merchandise --
You can incur the upfront cost of producing, say, a small run of enamel pins. Sell them on your own shop storefront or offer them to supporters at certain tier levels and see how long it takes to earn back the production cost such that you start earning a little bit of profit. Get a feel for how well you can handle packaging and shipping things yourself. Test the waters before making any large merch orders, and don't order vast amounts of something that you don't have room to 'warehouse' in your own home.
You can go the print on demand route. It's got its drawbacks - like slim returns - but it allows you to offer an assortment of merch items without the huge risk of paying big manufacturing fees upfront. It can also do the fulfillment/shipping part for you. I did pretty okay selling prints this way for a time. (Research and be selective about what services you use here, though. Some have gotten markedly worse over the years.)
I know Patreon offers a subscription level for creators that includes some merch production and fulfillment. I haven't personally used it, though, so I'd ask around to see what other creators' experiences have been like with it.
One thing I would suggest relying more heavily on, especially at first, is digital/downloadable rewards, like PDF ebooks or digital sketchbooks - things like that. Shipping supplies and postage costs are ever-increasing and can easily end up putting you in the red. Also, if you have an international audience, it may be difficult to reach them with tangible merch items.
You might also check out some nearby conventions to see if they'd be a good fit for you and your project. Apply for artist alley space at one of them if that's appropriate, or investigate whether or not it'd be worth it to get a dealer table. You might even find someone willing to share dealer space with you for a trial-run.
At some point, when you have enough of an audience to warrant it, seek out a merch partner. Or, they might come scouting for you if they think you have something going that'd be soundly marketable.
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What are the upsides to leaving yourself open like this to the community (answering questions, etc) and the downsides? Which do you find outweighs the other?
this is a really insightful question anon!!
i think there are definitely upsides and downsides and i definitely dont think leaving yourself open to the community is the best approach for everyone. heres what i could think of off the top of my head
upsides
im really grateful to have a community that does things like make fanart and write fanfic and make music. you guys contribute so much to the tetro fandom that i want to be able to return that respect to you in whatever way i can, and i feel like completely cutting myself off from the people who make fandom content feels ungrateful for what theyve given me! my word does carry some degree of weight within the tetro fandom specifically (since i made tetro) so if people get excited at seeing me respond to their art or their prompts then i wanna be able to give them that feeling in return for contributing
you guys have some really insightful things to say about tetro sometimes and i enjoy seeing how you interpret and process my writing, it gives me some thoughts on how i want to write in the future, what i did well and what i may be doing poorly
im a bit of a social person and i like to chat with you guys! its nice to feel like i have a place where i can share random thoughts with you guys and get conversational responses - i like connection!
i feel like some of the things i have to say can be helpful for people trying to go down a similar path to myself - by no means am i some beacon of writing or fangans or anything but if people like what i make and want to make something similar or have questions about the fangan community/creation process, i do feel like i have enough authority on the subject to advise accordingly!
downsides
the hate. theres not a ton of it, but when it does come up, its hurtful and stressful. im kind of hard on myself by nature so i really take that stuff to heart and can end up sitting on it for a while which isnt great for my general mental health
not every critique is something i need to see. again, im no beacon of writing, but sometimes people send me criticisms that are just blatantly incorrect or total misinterpretations of my work. im admittedly sensitive and seeing those critiques, even when i know theyre wrong, stresses me out. it makes me wanna jump in and be like "no!! its not like that!!! its like x!!" but i know i cant do that
scrutiny. once you go public with your presence as a creator, you are under constant scrutiny. people discuss you, everything you say and everything you do. it makes me nervous about saying or doing anything at all in tetro spaces, because i know its going to be picked apart and read into.
parasocialism. this one is the most uncomfortable of the downsides. people who try hard to become my friend not because of anything about me personally, but because i made tetro. people who think they understand me personally based solely on my online presence. ive had many many many people step over the boundaries of creator and fan throughout my time in tetro. it makes me really uncomfortable when people claim to know what im thinking or claim to understand me on this super deep level thats just disingenuous when theyve never even had a one-on-one conversation with me
honestly theres quite a few upsides and downsides. as strange as it might sound, my general advice to most fangan creators would be not to be so acccessible. the fangan community, for all the fun it houses and all the amazing creativity it produces, can be incredibly mean and often holds inexperienced creators to insane standards. i do feel like im held to an unfair standard in the fangan community - this is my first public project and im frequently insulted for not being on par with TV shows or AAA productions or things made by entire massive teams with budgets. i feel like in most other spaces, theres a certain expectation that people are just having fun and making content because they enjoy it, so im not sure why the opposite seems so prevalent for the fangan community
regardless, i do like being accessible, and i love my community, and i think the way i do things works for me. ive been learning when to pull back and how to process both valid critique and unnecessary cruelty. if you want to have a public presence, you have to learn the skills required to be accessible without being miserable. i think this is hard for a lot of people, so generally, i recommend keeping a low profile, but thats just the opinion of one random babbitt i suppose
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Flowers & Stinging
still life I just did in two hours
I think this is technically the first post of artwork I've made that doesn't include my sona or anything else from/inspired by those I know, and isn't fan art.
Huh.
#moon's pieces#<- this for personal art because i like making things hard for myself#also apparently we have a temporary 'mini moon' for a little bit now#uhh they're canonically being added to my lore as a little sibling (credit to tambles)#i had a good birthday#much fun indeed#i bought space-themed earrings#and a few kirby things#i love kirby.#just realized i forgot my halftones....#its fine how it is but still#ack-#october 2024
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sleight doodley before i go to bed <3
#i like drawing this guy lol#god. i really wanna give him a personality but im having a hard time#im not so good at writing especially characters and personalities#i just. pour a bit of myself into whatever i make because it helps me connect with my work#but that also means i have a hard time writing outside my headspace so it gets stale after a while. sigh#like.. would he be an impish little creature with a heart of gold.. suave clumsy failguy.....#im honestly not sure and im scared to commit to one thing if i change my mind. which happens a lot#myart#my art#my oc#oc#sleight#fur#furry art
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People when fucked up media is actually Fucked Up and not just "haha silly little gremlin makes SEX JOKE?!?!🤯 so DEVIOUS..."
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#mercy talks#this is about many things tbh#LIKE. idk it just makes me mad when ppl say they like darker or more depressing media and turn their nose up when its a character actually#being a bad person and doing bad things . like yeah thats what you came here for what did you expect#of course im not asking people to subject themselves to possibly upsetting/triggering media because its “”better“” or wtv#nor am i trying to police ppl for what they like#but idk.. just dont be surprised to find Fucked Up Thing in the Fucked Up Thing Store#its hard to verbalize myself but i hope u get it . i dont want tgis to sound like a braindead take Although I wouldn't be posting it if#i thought it did#some art is not meant to be pretty. some art isnt even meant to be art at all#because sometimes these things are not artistic or beautiful in any way#anyway mercy out!!
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does anyone else feel like they need to Make Fan Content That Is Also Good And Interesting in order to make/keep internet friends so as to be worth other people’s time
#the internet is one big networking tool#genuine question because like. i know it’s unhealthy but i also feel like that’s kind of the economy created by the internet#i’m not advocating it and i’m also not trying to be self-deprecating#i was never great at art and i haven’t posted anything i’ve written in like 5 years#like for example. i put off making a dragon age blog for a while bc i don’t Do anything. even now that ive made it i feel like i don’t have#a leg to stand on to talk to my mutuals. we are always competing for attention on the internet#i’ve known a few people where like. i thought we were actual friends and not just fandom colleagues but i always felt like i had fo Prove I#Was Talented to keep them interested and like. again not healthy but i’m wondering how common that is#maybe that is just fandom colleague behavior and i misread the situation but uh#also to be clear i’m not trying to like. blame anyone or victimize myself#i’m mostly curious because i have seen people talk about how making friends on the internet is so much easier and i’m wondering#where that idea came from. bc i still think it’s hard. but i wonder if it’s easier if you’re one already posting Original And Interesting#Content. i mostly just make memes and meta at this point and it doesn’t get a lot of attention. which is fine#i’ve just found it markedly harder to meet people since i switched tacks#one of the reasons i burned out tbh. among other things. i’ve been picking writing up again but i don’t post anymore#honestly realizing this has probably bitten me in the ass before bc i’ve had friends who share stuff they’re proud of and i don’t jump on it#bc to me i’m trying to be like ‘you don’t have to prove yourself to me. i like you as a person’#but probably comes off like ‘i don’t care about the things you care about’. hm#mine
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✨art✨
#Trying very hard not to be self conscious about the comic#Self consciousness is the inspiration killer#But I am very conscious that I am making A Lot of art and talking A Lot and I'm very conscious of annoying people#Or making people feel like I'm filling up a space so there's no room for them#I can be a pretty big personality when I'm comfoy and I've worked hard to let myself be but I worry about accidentally squashing people out#Because I don't want to do that! I want to lift people up with me!#Weh. I'm probably just ill and grumpy about it#Those of you who are out there saying really nice things about my art I love you#You keep me inspired#✨ ADHD ✨#This is why I'm a fandom lurker#But then people are nice and I'm like why am I worried so I make more things and thus the cycle continues#I like the things I'm making anyway and that's what counts 😤#Thank you for joining me on this journey
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i'm taking the jlpt this sunday and had a stress dream last night abt it bc it sort of snuck up on me and now it's kind of a question of how much my actual japanese abilities will carry me (versus if i should've been cramming on flashcards this past month) but the listening portion is far simpler conversation than my coworkers and i have so. i think that maybe instead of "damn i should've been studying japanese" my perspective should just be "i speak japanese"
#a key part of the dream though was that i failed because i went on a motorcycle joyride during the 40 minute break and didn't make it back#in time for the listening section. the prompt for the listening section btw was to write an essay in english about kirishima eijirou#so i was like damn i would've totally passed#anyway hashtag classic maya but idk#i think i have a bit of a complex abt it bc i was studying for n1 (highest level) in college#but w the switch to online learning we stopped studying the stuff i really needed to work on (vocab and kanji)#and whatever kanji i knew how to write went out the window bc i never had to turn in written homework again#so i really let myself go there for a good two years but since moving last summer i've not only been having japanese conversations every da#i've also actually been studying kanji in my downtime at work#so i have picked up most of the study guide-type information just really slowly over time#i read a ton of manga in japanese lately and most shows on netflix here don't have eng subtitles but i'm fine without them 95% of the time#with the genre of shows i watch at least#so i've been thinking a lot lately abt what my end goal is w japanese studies because 'be able to consume all the art i want' feels like#a good place to be#i do think in the end the only thing between me and n1 is a lot of genuine hard work studying vocab and kanji and reading serious articles#so i feel like all 'sekkaku da shi' i've made it this far why would i just stop working at this point#those are just my thoughts though aaaa i know reading/vocab/grammar section is way more hit or miss#personal
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#life is hell btw.#like sorry I’m being miserable this is a fandom blog lol but like#accepting my brother is alive but I’ll never really get to be with him again has been rough idk#and that’s just the latest thing there’s so much going on right now i don’t even know where to begin#i guess the thing is that with my brother he’s the only person in my family who likes me#like he’s the only one who really cares about me and tells me that and shows me that#no one else really likes me because I’m weird and hard to be around and stuff but my brother loves me#and he’s been struggling for years we both have but he’s had addiction problems and helping him has been hard but he was doing so well#and it’s hard to explain but it gets to a point where you can’t force help on them yknow#so you just have to resort to mourning while they’re still alive#I’m sorry i know that’s evil but there’s only so much i can do and I’ve done it all#I’ve been mourning him for years and now I’m mourning again#and i just feel awful#and i know it’s selfish to think this but my birthday is next week and it’s like he’s the only one who spends the day with me#my family will always have dinner with me and stuff but my brother knows i have no friends and it makes me sad being alone on my birthday#and he’s ALWAYS made an effort to be there on my birthday and spend the day with me no matter what#and now he’s in jail and will be in prison probably for the rest of my life#idk and really this is just one of many catastrophic things going on in my life i just need a break#and my breaks are immersing myself into my books and shows and movies#so thank you everyone for all the work you’ve been producing lately i know ot sounds silly but getting to come home and read your guys fics#and look at all of your art or even just reading your posts takes away so much of my stress and feeling of impending doom and helplessness#idk i just wanted to say I appreciate you all so much#please like if you read this though i can’t really talk about this stuff with anyone i just need to be heard
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any philosophy on surviving fascism? or building local power?
I'm going to start by staying alive, and then I'm going to look around my local community and see what charities are working in the area that I might be able to help out with. I'm gonna give more money to the homeless. I'm probably going to speak less and listen more, for a while. I'm going to pay even closer attention to grocery store prices. I'm going to make art, even if it's not as big and grandiose as I would like to, and try to dedicate myself to the creative principles of it rather than maximising career success. I'm going to comfort my friends who are afraid, and accept their comfort for all the things I'd hoped to do that I might not get to anymore. I'm going to go to the gym because it's good for me, even though a healthy future seems hard to imagine. I'm going to remember that I'm still young. I'm going to remember there are younger people who look up to me. I'm going to listen to older people who didn't get everything they wanted and still turned out happy. I'm going to read.
And I'm going to remember that even if every trans person on Earth were rounded up and killed tomorrow, a million more would be born the next day.
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#tag talk#because of all the artists I follow and the art I see I'm able to muster up some art when the muse sings.#so thanks I was able to sketch something for the guy I'm getting to know and maybe will be dating at some point#was thinking about whether to call him cute or not and I think yeah I do think he's cute.#I've been using all my brain power to min-max the interactions we've had without jumping too quickly into the deep end#which is why I don't call him my boyfriend because we've only met irl twice but I think there's no reason why we won't escalate to dating#provided I can not fuck things up#prolly not healthy to have the mindset that I'm responsible for whether things go well or not#not healthy to have the mindset that I'm a stick of dynamite and if I screw things up it'll all blow to shit.#idk. I still feel that way.#we'll see.#either way he's my in to a whole other friend group of coworkers and their friends since we got matched by a coworker/friend#my coworker his friend so I have higher hopes since it's not an online match.#he seems pretty cool and I'm doing my best to spread out the interaction and not get too caught up in his dms#and I was the one to be like “yeah this hangout has gone pretty long” because I know I tend to drag things out longer than they should go.#even if the other person is engaged it's functionally great to make a lunch date last the whole afternoon into the evening.#we both have things to do so as fun as it is to hang out for five hours I'm trying to keep emotionally healthy.#enough distance to keep perspective on things.#my last relationship the other person pushed for more and more hangout time and more and more closeness and I think that's what fucked it#I need to keep my distance to stay emotionally healthy#and honestly? I'm proud of myself for learning that and keeping it in mind.#I've had some hard experiences to learn that lesson but now I'm going to put it to good use and maybe get some dick again.#it's deadass been since October. deadass halfa year since I got dick.#I fucked someone more recently than that but fucking and getting dick are not the same thing.#anyway. new relationship. wish me luck.
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CREEPED VISUAL NOVEL Link, tutorial, extra art, Q&A, some chatter
The CREEPED Prologue is completely free and browser-ready. Gameplay is about 10 minutes. Please read the "tutorial" and notes before playing!
Follow Y/N and their dog, Max, through their grandparents' farm and a mysterious forest filled with...less than fortunate people!
PLAY HERE; works best on PC
This visual novel is powered by GOOGLE SLIDES! It has 0 programming and was created by one person in a little over a month, so please bear with any "bugs" and clunkiness!
TUTORIAL
>Click using mouse/trackpad >Go slowly to not break game >Do not use arrow or space keys
EXTRA NOTES:
>Works best on PC/Browser, I haven't tested the full game on mobile yet >In general, clicking the PNGs on the textbox (Apple, Teddy Bear, Hatchet, etc) will lead you to the right page >If you land on a page that tells you to "go back," that's when you should click the back-arrow key. If your cursor disappears, it doesn't register the click correctly >I recommend moving your cursor periodically to avoid it disappearing and sending you to the wrong page
EXTRA ART
some WIPS and the original sprite-style i was gonna choose LOOOOOOOL
Q&A
Q: Is this an x reader? A: This is a reader-insert, but it's not romantic and I try to keep it as neutral and unidentifiable as possible! Q: What's the plot? A: GENERALLY AND WITHOUT SPOILERS, your dog gets you into trouble and you're just looking to help him!
Q: Who is in the prologue? A: Tim, Brian, Toby, and Kate! More will be added in future chapters.
Q: When will future chapters be posted? A: Not sure! This took me about a month to do, and half was spent over winter break. I will try to get chapter 1 posted before summer, but I am a full-time student, employed, have extracurriculars, etc etc
ok thats all i only remember 4 questions feel free to ask more LMAO
CHATTER(because you know i can talk forever)
ok i just wanted to be able to talk about how the process was with this and how i feel about the results and whatnot...
ive been wanting to make a google slides visual novel since i was like 13 LOL it hit the point where i was repeatedly told i should just learn to code but i was like NOOOOO ITS GOTTA BE GOOGLE SLIDESSSS which is totally stupid but hey. i think that gives it some sort of simple charm that reminds me of being 16 and doing little projects in my room LOL i like working with the easiest tools . my bad
anyway. im just very happy LOL. it's not perfect but i feel like i came full circle in a sense?!?! i've been into creepypasta since i was 9 and it comforted me when things were really hard, and when i was 18 i was going through a really hard time and got back into creepypasta as a way to distract myself. i've always had a habit of throwing myself into fiction for escapism when things suuucked.
i'm 20 now but i've met SO many amazing people, had so many fun awesome exciting projects with friends, created tons of stuff im proud of, felt more motivated to create since i was like 13, have been inspired by so many amazing artists/authors on here, etc. just so so so lucky to find community in such a tight-knit cute fandom that thrives off of creativity and playing around! i hope i can keep the momentum and make a couple more chapters this year, but im kinda busy with school and work...LOL . i'm just excited to have this posted so i can have more discussion about it T_T
anyway thank you if you read this far and thank you if you played etc etc yaahhhhhh omg ok BYE THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING im just so grateful to be in this fandom
#creepypasta#creepypasta fandom#crp fandom#creepypasta AU#crp Au#creepypasta game#creepypasta visual novel#creepypasta vn#ticci toby#toby rogers#kate the chaser#kate milens#tim wright#masky#masky marble hornets#hoody marble hornets#hoodie marble hornets#marble hornets#brian thomas#slenderman#creepypasta x reader#slenderverse#fandom#fanart#sweetart#CRPED VN
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It's 2024. I have been participating in fandom for 40 years. This is a ramble commemorating some history I've experienced along the way.
In 1984, I attended my first convention, and made a beeline for the one long row of covered tables in the Dealer's Room that was, according to the whispered lore of my friends, 'the one'. "um", I said, very suavely and coherently, except for how it was totally the opposite of those things, "I'm here for the... for the, uh. For-"
"Come around here," the man behind the table said with exhausted ennui, so I went around, and he lifted up the table skirt next to him and pointed to rows and rows of boxes underneath the line of tables. "It's all under here."
It was all under there. Along with about five older ladies with glasses, graying hair, cardigans. Flipping through slash zines and chatting in whispered voices like old friends (which of course they were). I noticed one of them had the good sense to be wearing kneepads. I was still too young and ablebodied to need kneepads when crawling on a carpeted floor, but I immediately found her preparedness skills to be both impressive and hot. "You're new," one of the ladies whispered to me--a bit warily, which made sense. "Are you sure you're in the right place?"
In the faint light (the kneepads lady had also come prepared with a flashlight, additional practicality hotness points for her) I grabbed a comb-bound book with a heavy line art piece on the cover, featuring a musclebound Captain Kirk getting righteously and enthusiastically plowed by a stern-yet-ebullient Spock. "This," I said, pointing helpfully at the cover, like I was trying to make myself understood in a language I had only the vaguest knowledge of. "I'm here for this."
Outside at the convention, most of the attendees were wearing large homemade circular pins that shrieked 'K/S is BS!!!'1. But underneath the table, we reveled in the forbidden.
***
In 1985, I fell very hard for Starsky & Hutch fandom. Which was simply referred to at the time as 'the other fandom', because there were only two. We were upstarts. Many fannish elders predicted that it was just a phase.
***
The 'circulating library' was a massive stack of barely-legible pages that smelled strongly of mimeograph ink. When you were on the list, you would write stories while you waited for your turn, and when the big box was mailed to you, you would read everything (new finds, old favorites), add your own sloppily-typed or hastily-mimeographed stories, and then mail the whole thing to the next person. For me, at the time, it was an extremely expensive indulgence--but my favorite one.
***
By 1990, slash fandom had grown enough that I no longer knew everyone in it, which was both thrilling and a bit daunting. A young woman at a convention waited for me after a panel I was part of (I think it was 'writing impactful smut' or something like that), and said she had a question she didn't want to ask in a group setting. I'd heard that before. I said that's fine, go ahead and ask; and she came out with: "Why do you have to be gay?"
I blinked. "Is... that a problem?"
She looked annoyed. "Yes, because your stories are on all the recommendation lists and in all the top zines, but if you're gay and I read something you wrote and I get hot from it that makes me gay, and I'm not gay."
"Wow." I grinned, I couldn't help it. It probably made me look very predatory-dyke-about-to-score-a-toaster. Whatever, it was enough to make her back away from me fast.
When I thought about it later that night, I wondered what it would be like not to be the only queer person in slash fandom.
***
By 1997, slash started appearing on the internet. Many fannish elders claimed it was the death knell of slash fandom, or dismissed it as 'just a phase'.
***
Anyway, I wrote all this for myself as a commemoration of sorts, but if you took the time to read it--thank you. Love you, fandom. I always will.
1 In those days, m/m fandom was known as 'slash', which grew from the fannish shorthand where 'K&S' meant a story of Kirk and Spock having adventures or tribulations or what have you, and 'K/S' meant a story of Kirk and Spock getting it on (Kirk divided by Spock or Spock into Kirk--it was mathy fannish humor and I was into it then and I still am now). Slash was decidedly unpopular in the fannish world in 1984, and there was a concerted effort to force slash authors, artists, and fans out of 'mainstream' fannish public life. Hence, under the table.
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non-dysphoric soul
i am not a religious buckaroo and dont think i ever will be. this universe is so wonderful and my life so blessed that idea of needing something more does not make any sense to me. what we KNOW about existence already takes my breath away, i do not need the unknown. i am so happy and thankful as is
HOWEVER i am also curious and while i do not NEED the grand unknown i find it exciting and romantic sometimes. i FEEL it in art, and i am not arrogant enough to think 'i know everything'. i do not. so there is a door within me that is open to something spiritual for lack of a better word.
lately i feel the door opening wider and wider and while i think most folks think of my agnostic trot as a sort of SIDEKICK to atheism, to me it is really its own thing that has plenty of room for thoughts of 'well maybe there is something more? i do not know so lets bask in it and see what happens'
i think single most important part of my journey as spiritual buckaroo has been self reflection and personal understanding of my own non-dysphoric transness. which is interesting because i think some who CLAIM to be spiritual in the specific american christian sense have a large anti-trans history
and it makes me think ‘kinda wild that you can believe in a soul that is distinct from all the firing neurons and churning cells of your body, some separate trot outside of known matter and energy, and then claim that this soul ALWAYS ends up in a correspondingly gendered slot?’ couldnt wires cross?
REMINDER i am not a religious person. i am not sure if there is a soul out there that defies any sort of quantifiable trot. maybe this SELF i feel is just electrical currents of a brain trying VERY HARD to convince itself of something more. the jury is out. ITS OKAY. in fact the mystery is beautiful
over time, i feel like i get hints from the jury, one or two heads poppin out from the jury chambers to wink and say there is something more. A SOUL. whether that soul is a wonder of science of a wonder of the great beyond will probably never be answered. that is just fine with me. i do not need it
point is, my understanding of my own self and my non-dysphoric trans way can BEST (maybe ONLY) be described in terms of a soul. i have no desire to change, no dysphoria, no plans. it has never had a impact on my life and very likely never will, but feeling is true. id be lying to say otherwise.
so with all the politics around gender and who can identify as what and on and on, i find myself saying ‘well my soul is this, and my body is this, and that is fine. i love my body and i love my soul and they happen to be two different trots’. its easy to miss the SOUL part of that conversation
'A SOUL?' i suddenly think. 'WHAT THE HECK? YOU DONT BELIEVE IN SOULS'. and i have to remind myself, ‘well you dont believe in anything really, you DONT KNOW’ and while most see this proclamation of not knowing as being closed off to all things, i see it as being open to all things
and i am grateful. how lucky that this rare sensation of soul and body disconnection could happen TO ME? because it declares THERE IS A SOUL. i know to others the trans journey is hard and i dont want to diminish that. it can be pain it can be torture. but thats not my story and theres room for all
because every day that i notice MY disconnection between body and soul is a day i get to reach into the great beyond, into the vast cosmos, and feel around for a while. i still do not expect to find anything, but DANG is it fun. and DANG is it exciting to be alive in a way that proves love to myself
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hi, i ireally love your work and i don't know if you've answered this before but, what kinds of studies do you do or how did you learn color theory? i wanna get better at rendering and anatomy but im having trouble TT TT
Hi! Long answer alert. Once a chatterbox, always a chatterbox.
When I started actively learning how to draw about 10 1/2 years ago, I exclusively did graphite studies in sketchbooks. Here's a few examples—I mostly stuck to doing line drawings to drill basic shapes/contours and proportions into my brain. The more rendered sketches helped me practice edge control & basic values, and they were REALLY good for learning the actual 3D structure behind what I was drawing.
I'd use reference images that I grabbed from fitness forums, Instagram, Tumblr, Pinterest, and some NSFW places, but you could find adequate ref material from figure drawing sites like Line of Action. LoA has refs for people (you can filter by clothed/unclothed, age, & gender), animals, expressions, hands/feet, and a few other useful things as well. Love them.
Learning how to render digitally was a similar story; it helped a lot that I had a pretty strong foundation for value/anatomy going in. I basically didn't touch color at all for ~2 years (except for a few attempts at bad digital or acrylic paint studies), which may not have been the best idea. I learned color from a lot of trial and error, honestly, and I'm pretty sure this process involved a lot of imitation—there were a number of digital/traditional painters whose styles I really wanted to emulate (notably their edge control, color choices, value distributions, and shape design), so I kiiind of did a mixture of that + my own experimentation.
For example, I really found Benjamin Björklund's style appealing, especially his softened/lost edges & vibrant pops of saturated color, so here's a study I did from some photograph that I'm *pretty* sure was painted with him in mind.
Learning how to detail was definitely a slow process, and like all the aforementioned things (anatomy/color/edge control/values/etc.) I'm still figuring it out. Focusing on edge control first (that is, deciding on where to place hard/soft edges for emphasizing/de-emphasizing certain areas of the image) is super useful, because you can honestly fool a viewer into thinking there's more detail in a piece than there actually is if you're very economical about where you place your hard edges.
The most important part, to me, is probably just doing this stuff over and over again. You're likely not going to see improvement in a few weeks or even a few months, so don't fret about not getting the exact results you want and just keep studying + making art. I like to think about learning art as a process where you *need* to fail and make crappy art/studies—there's literally no way around it—so you might as well fail right now. See, by making bad art you're actually moving forward—isn't that a fun prospect!!
It's useful to have a folder with art you admire, especially if you can dissect the pieces and understand why you like them so much. You can study those aspects (like, you can redraw or repaint that person's work) and break down whether this is art that you just like to look at, or if it's the kind of art that you want to *make.* There's a LOT of art out there that I love looking at, probably tens of thousands of styles/mediums, but there's a very narrow range that I want to make myself.
I've mentioned it in some ask reply in the past, but I really do think looking at other artist's work is such a cheat code for improving your own skills—the other artist does the work to filter reality/ideas for you, and this sort of allows you to contact the subject matter more directly. I can think of so many examples where an artist I admired exaggerated, like, the way sunlight rested on a face and created that orange fringe around its edge, or the greys/dull blues in a wheat field, or the bright indigo in a cast shadow, or the red along the outside of a person's eye, and it just clicked for me that this was a very available & observable aspect of reality, which had up until that point gone completely unnoticed! If you're really perceptive about the art you look at, it's shocking how much it can teach you about how to see the world (in this particular case I mean this literally, in that the art I looked at fully changed the way I visually processed the world, but of course it has had a strong effect on my worldviews/relationships/beliefs).
Thanks so much for sending in a question (& for reading, if you got this far)! I read every single ask I receive, including the kind words & compliments, which I genuinely always appreciate. Best of luck with learning, my friend :)
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#feeeeeeling sorry for myself#my energy to create is so low#ive been in a looong term art block and i have ups and downs but overall its Hard#i just cant find the energy/excitement to actually make my mental images real#i can barely even make myself color things let alone anything even higher effort#i WANT to but i also dont want to#so my accounts become boring and uninteresting because 99% of my ideas go unspoken atp#and what i do post is. boring and uninteresting. just basic poses boring interactions#i feel like a more and more boring person the more i think about it#there is a very small pool of people who care about me and im so passive that no one else even sees me#irl i basically only talk to me roommate and coworkers#neither of which do i have a super close relationship with#my roommates great but we dont talk that often#even online my social circle is small and the amount of people i consider close friends even pathetically smaller#and i dont know how to make new friends anymore because of aforementioned invisible person reasons#im just boring and i dont have the energy to be interesting#sighs. i need a boyfriend#but im also horrendous at maintaining relationships because ive killed my own social battery by isolating so hardcore#sought solitude growing up now cursed by loneliness yadda yadda#i dont even talk to my own family anymore for weeks at a time#in that case its better that way but it makes me lonelier. i cried in bed a couple nights ago thinking about how i cant even#cry my feelings out to my mom and have her comfort me anymore#i lost the people i used to have for that and im too nervous about being overbearing to find new people#these tags are getting long lol. im not like super upset right now im just thinking about it#it makes me sad that i dont know how to do anything about my current life path (ie spending the rest of my life alone and unseen like this)#also the reason i keep making these obnoxious vent posts here is exactly because i dont have other people im comfy talking about it too#not that theres people i dont TRUST talking to. i just dont want to put that pressure on them and i feel better not asking and i hope that#these posts dont make those friends feel like they need to come ask#so maybe like. 5 people might skim over these and catch a couple of my thoughts and at least i know it was perceived by SOMEONE even if#only passively
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