#<- this for personal art because i like making things hard for myself
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A list of things that bother me about Dragon Age: The Veilguard Part 2
I already touched on a few things that caught my attention and personally irked me about the game. After getting through some more of it naturally a few more points have come up. Though I think they are not really new aspects but more concrete examples of what I had touched on last time.
Without further ado, let's get into it.
!Spoilers below the cut!
The dialogue is repetetive and at times contradictory
Like I already discussed last time the dialogue is bad, to express it in the simplest of terms. As I progressed through the game I stumbled upon a glaring example for what I mean.
In the questline where you infiltrate a Venatori meeting there is a part where Neve in disguise and in company of Rook and another companion gets a Venatori to admit that Elgar'nan was present but not Ghilan'nain. For some inexplicable reason Neve turns around and repeats this twice as if Rook wasn't present.
But moving on.
I stated in my last post that the game feels the need to state the obvious. This is what I mean. It makes the dialogue feel like a rough draft that was incorporated into the game without further polish.
As of its contradictory nature two examples come to mind.
In Harding's companion quest you meet this dwarf of Kal Sharok. His dialogue is stoic, no bullshit straight to the point and passionless. Which was fine. But after several minutes of him being that way they get to stone statue Valta who speaks in these misteryous riddles and suddenly he switches to this unserious tone of "Oh that weird statue, we never know what she's saying, ain't she funny." (I'm paraphrasing here). I was confused for half a minute because of his sudden change in attitude and left wondering what his characterization is supposed to be now: serious or quirky?
Same thing with Taash's whole story. This is especially upsetting because I feel like they could have done such great work with it.
Instead it suffers so much from several inconsistencies that I felt sorry for the VA because they actually did a great acting job.
Taash has a coming out scene with their mother where they reveal they're non-binary. Ignoring the usage of modern terms in a medieval-ish setting, the conflict about their gender makes no sense.
The writing wants you to believe Shathann is not okay with her child being non-binary but she never actually expresses such a thing. Actually Shathann sort of had an inkling that Taash was no ordinary woman ("Behaves more like a man...") and she never passed any negative judgement on it. When Taash told her this she even tried to understand by categorizing their identity into qunari vocabulary she knew (remember the term aqun-athlok?).
I get how hard it is to have an overly critical mother and the feeling of not being good enough but that was not what Shathann was about in that scene and it did Taash so dirty because they looked more like an entitled teenager than someone suffering from trauma and perfectionism.
Some old characters are mischaracterized
It's Scout Harding. I mean Harding.
I was really excited to have her as a companion in the new installment but they sort of butchered her character that I found myself annoyed everytime she opened her mouth.
And this is because they make her sound so immature. Really think about it. DATV somehow makes Scout Harding sound younger and more childish than she was in DAI despite the fact that she is supposed to be a whole decade older in DATV than in DAI.
I don't know what direction her VA recieved while recording but everything was pronounced so slowly and extra clear that it seemed at times that Harding was either talking to a confused elderly person or a child.
She herself uses expressions not fit for her age. The most jarring moment was when she called the Blight in D'meta's Crossing 'weird' and sounded like a teenager who has stumbled upon furry art for the first time on deviantArt. This pattern pretty much continues throughout the game. And it hurts so much.
Also Morrigan. She at least still uses her even for DA setting standards antiquated vocabulary but she is too happy and cheery and friendly.
Morrigan is not a nice person to those she does not know and like personally. But to Rook she was so nice despite having met them for the first time.
The Morrigan we have come to know love/hate should have been more snarky or at least more neutral in her demeanor.
The Venatori
I don't know why they are still a thing honestly. I was under the impression they have lost all footing after the death of Corypheus. Why would they follow the Gods of the people their country systemically abuses anyway?
Bonus: Why would the Antaam for that matter, as the qunari are so notoriously arcanophobic that they leash their mages, sew their mouths shut and literally call them "dangerous thing"?
Solas' spy network and agents
What happened to them? Where are they? Shouldn't he have a small army? Why weren't they used as the gods' agents instead of the Venatori? Surely, Elgar'nan and Ghilan'nain would have an easier time simply controlling Fen'Harels elven army after imprisoning him in the fade.
The Chantry
It is just not present. Sure there are some Chantry buildings but there is no discussion of faith. In all previous DA games the Chantry has had a constant influence that could be felt everywhere. Faith was discussed and explored from various angles and perspectives, ranging from ultra conservative to progressive. But in Veilguard it's not there.
Why are we not exploring the Tevinter Chantry more? Why doesn't Emmrich discuss the nevarran Chantry, who follows the Sunburst Throne in Orlais, in regards to the Mournwatch, their necromancy practices and magic? Why was he not affected by the mage uprising that started in Kirkwall? How does he deal with faith and the Chantry? It is simply never mentioned.
By all accounts, this game avoids delving into the world like the plague.
#long post#bioware critical#dragon age critical#dragon age#dragon age inquisition#dragon age 2#dragon age origins#dragon age the veilguard#da:tv#da:tv spoilers#emmrich volkarin#scout harding#morrigan#solas#elgar'nan#ghilan'nain#taash#shathann#neve gallus
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Lalalala gotta make an emotional charged post for today because I CAN!!! ✨✨✨
So….4 years of Bugsnax and 2 years for me being in the community. And I gotta say, I’m immensely proud to be apart of it :3
Just because of this silly game, I’ve learned to overcome and push against my depression and anxiety, allowed myself to be kind to myself and others, be emotionally open, found an interest in psychology, and learned to accept the imperfections of myself.
And I can’t forget the wonderful people I’ve met and made murals and friends with! I still remember the day @orbits-the-watchman first followed me after posting some art because like DUH their art is amazing and honestly inspired me a lot to draw grumps since they seemed pretty hard to tackle at first since like…look at them they look like felt covered trash cans (but i still love em all the same).
And I honestly believe that I’ve gotten better with art since 2022 because of how much I actually draw :3
And of course, I’ve met people that I’ve gotten closer with genuinely see them as close friends that mean the world to me. @astronomergrump is wonderful and has helped me through a lot of the stress I’ve been going through as of late and that means everything to me, luv ya you silly goose <3
Never thought this game would make me this emotional and allow me to become a better person overall and sorta escape that sense of loneliness I’ve had in my life prior to 2022. Of course things aren’t entirely perfect and things got bumpy here and there, this is still the most comfortable I’ve been in a community since like…ever :)
Okay yall are free from my emotions being spilled on top of yall, love you all :3
#mittens’ mumbles#bugsnax#happy 4th anniversary to the bug game I’ll be here for who knows how long :3
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i was planning on like. staying away from here while in my new home because i don't really know how private my internet activity is here
but………. i really feel like drawing sometimes. and i want to share my art and my thoughts again. and you know, i also really want to share whatever joys i have in this world. we need all the joy we can get right now, right? i don't know the exact amount of joy and good that my being here brings but because of the nice things so many of y'all have said to me, i have to believe it's not zero. and i want to do whatever little part i can to make this world better.
I'm always scared I'm going to say the wrong thing. accidentally reveal myself as a terrible or stupid or unbelievably weird person. or, absolute worst of all: overlook someone or fail to properly pay back their kindness, and make them feel sad somehow. so i hope y'all will forgive me if i say stupid or bad or annoying things or if i mess up. i hope you'll forgive me. i try to be a good friend but actually i don't really know how and i worry about that just like all the time and it really holds me back and i want to stop. so I'm gonna stop!!!!!
I'm going to start queueing up a bunch of art now. and I'm going to try really hard to 1) only look at this place occasionally 2) not be sad if i feel alone here 3) not feel guilty for being myself 4) be somewhat active with interaction and 5) actually start blocking/unfollowing people that make me sad. edit: feel like i wanna add a disclaimer that even if i don't follow you anymore i still think you're cool. certain things in my feed have sent me into misery spirals of sadness in the past and i want to prevent that happening again.
if you want to support me too, i really really appreciate all interaction, even just likes if that's all you want to do. i notice it and will remember it and to be honest it kinda scares me how much i really really CARE about it, care about what people think of me, of my things. how much i want to see other people relate to them or even just enjoy them because i really really really really don't want to be the only person like me. but maybe that's just inevitable and i need to learn to be ok with that. i want to be ok with that. i don't want to be ashamed to be different from everyone else anymore..
#idk what it's called when you feel rejection sensitive dysphoria feelings constantly for months/years#BUT i do know that it feels REALLY FREAKING GREAT when you feel better! yippeeeeee!!!!!#if this place makes me feel bad again i think I'll know where the bad feelings come from#but i think just. being part of a community and being actively reached out to.... kind of fixed things. woohoo#also well i guess people dont always read things but. announcement: changed my blog name. IT WAS TOO LONG#AND MY REAL USER NAME WILL NEVER BE FREE SO I'LL JUST HAVE TO SETTLE FOR ONE THAT LOOKS SIMILAR#URRGGHHHHHHHH BUT IT LOOKS. IT READS. DIFFERENTLY. don't care#that's not my. problem *grinds teeth* if people read it phonetically instead of letting their mind remember jnpie#not my problem. i can gloss over the detail and pretend like it's my real name just fine
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Flowers & Stinging
still life I just did in two hours
I think this is technically the first post of artwork I've made that doesn't include my sona or anything else from/inspired by those I know, and isn't fan art.
Huh.
#moon's pieces#<- this for personal art because i like making things hard for myself#also apparently we have a temporary 'mini moon' for a little bit now#uhh they're canonically being added to my lore as a little sibling (credit to tambles)#i had a good birthday#much fun indeed#i bought space-themed earrings#and a few kirby things#i love kirby.#just realized i forgot my halftones....#its fine how it is but still#ack-
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sleight doodley before i go to bed <3
#i like drawing this guy lol#god. i really wanna give him a personality but im having a hard time#im not so good at writing especially characters and personalities#i just. pour a bit of myself into whatever i make because it helps me connect with my work#but that also means i have a hard time writing outside my headspace so it gets stale after a while. sigh#like.. would he be an impish little creature with a heart of gold.. suave clumsy failguy.....#im honestly not sure and im scared to commit to one thing if i change my mind. which happens a lot#myart#my art#my oc#oc#sleight#fur#furry art
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i submitted my lovely mouseboy Finnegan for the @ahatintime-oc-competition yesterday :D here is the art i drew 4 them!
for those unaware: he came from a dream i had once involving him and Snatcher But As A Bird; and i sorta just. added onto them from there. they're so sillay
#a hat in time oc#potatart#ahit#(just for the art tag....sorry :#Finnegan Snowshoe#get propergandered. i will conjure up more art of them soon i think#very vivid image in my mind of what their personality is like but its rlly hard to describe#...........#ok quickly avert ur eyes i am going to say something that is embarrassing to me#oc competitions make me nervous and it is because i think last time i did one it went Badly#like idc about the losing part i thought that was really funny but i just felt like everyone.hated me :#i know thats not true and its the brain poison talking but#i remember somebody skimmed thru my account and saw that i was hyperfixated on south park at the time and#uswd that as a reason to not vote for my character#which was one of those things that made me so so nervous that i felt Physically Ill and it ruined like my whole day#confidence is key. i think. so i am grabbing myself by the shoulders and going “YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE FUN!!!!”#sorry for the very Personalness that just jappened here. its okay thought bc i trust everuone averyed their eyes to my sad ramblings#besides i like finnegan :] and i trust most ppl to not Kill me Dead#anyways. ignore ignore ignore FINNECHER NUMERO UNO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#THIS IS A LITTLE SOMETHING I LIKE TO CALL: PUTTING TOO MUCH EFFORT INTO THINGS
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People when fucked up media is actually Fucked Up and not just "haha silly little gremlin makes SEX JOKE?!?!🤯 so DEVIOUS..."
#mercy talks#this is about many things tbh#LIKE. idk it just makes me mad when ppl say they like darker or more depressing media and turn their nose up when its a character actually#being a bad person and doing bad things . like yeah thats what you came here for what did you expect#of course im not asking people to subject themselves to possibly upsetting/triggering media because its “”better“” or wtv#nor am i trying to police ppl for what they like#but idk.. just dont be surprised to find Fucked Up Thing in the Fucked Up Thing Store#its hard to verbalize myself but i hope u get it . i dont want tgis to sound like a braindead take Although I wouldn't be posting it if#i thought it did#some art is not meant to be pretty. some art isnt even meant to be art at all#because sometimes these things are not artistic or beautiful in any way#anyway mercy out!!
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does anyone else feel like they need to Make Fan Content That Is Also Good And Interesting in order to make/keep internet friends so as to be worth other people’s time
#the internet is one big networking tool#genuine question because like. i know it’s unhealthy but i also feel like that’s kind of the economy created by the internet#i’m not advocating it and i’m also not trying to be self-deprecating#i was never great at art and i haven’t posted anything i’ve written in like 5 years#like for example. i put off making a dragon age blog for a while bc i don’t Do anything. even now that ive made it i feel like i don’t have#a leg to stand on to talk to my mutuals. we are always competing for attention on the internet#i’ve known a few people where like. i thought we were actual friends and not just fandom colleagues but i always felt like i had fo Prove I#Was Talented to keep them interested and like. again not healthy but i’m wondering how common that is#maybe that is just fandom colleague behavior and i misread the situation but uh#also to be clear i’m not trying to like. blame anyone or victimize myself#i’m mostly curious because i have seen people talk about how making friends on the internet is so much easier and i’m wondering#where that idea came from. bc i still think it’s hard. but i wonder if it’s easier if you’re one already posting Original And Interesting#Content. i mostly just make memes and meta at this point and it doesn’t get a lot of attention. which is fine#i’ve just found it markedly harder to meet people since i switched tacks#one of the reasons i burned out tbh. among other things. i’ve been picking writing up again but i don’t post anymore#honestly realizing this has probably bitten me in the ass before bc i’ve had friends who share stuff they’re proud of and i don’t jump on it#bc to me i’m trying to be like ‘you don’t have to prove yourself to me. i like you as a person’#but probably comes off like ‘i don’t care about the things you care about’. hm#mine
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✨art✨
#Trying very hard not to be self conscious about the comic#Self consciousness is the inspiration killer#But I am very conscious that I am making A Lot of art and talking A Lot and I'm very conscious of annoying people#Or making people feel like I'm filling up a space so there's no room for them#I can be a pretty big personality when I'm comfoy and I've worked hard to let myself be but I worry about accidentally squashing people out#Because I don't want to do that! I want to lift people up with me!#Weh. I'm probably just ill and grumpy about it#Those of you who are out there saying really nice things about my art I love you#You keep me inspired#✨ ADHD ✨#This is why I'm a fandom lurker#But then people are nice and I'm like why am I worried so I make more things and thus the cycle continues#I like the things I'm making anyway and that's what counts 😤#Thank you for joining me on this journey
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and i often get upset with myself for complaining and venting as much as i do, or also for being as anxious as i am, but given the circumstances that I live in, I do think realistically I am being ... incredibly "well-behaved", all things considered. i could be acting so much worse.
but i do still wish i weren't so ... [gestures vaguely at this whole mess] because it's off-putting for people! and understandably so! but i wish i could make friends!
#i have tried hard to be niceys to be around but things seem to be taking a fairly steep nosedive in my life circumstances#which is . so cruel. because i am trying so hard to get onto welfare right now. i'm desperately trying to carve out a life for myself#but life seems determined to kick me out of it. i would just... really like things to be easy. if i'm honest. it always is such a fight.#i want something to be soft and kind and easy. just one thing perhaps. but i have to create it for myself (thank you art thank you stories)#at least i can create i suppose !!! if i cannot find softness then i will make it myself! if i cannot find love then i will make it myself!#anyways. i feel bad for venting here as much as i do. i try to keep it to myself as much as i can but things just get so isolating often#and there is smth somewhat comforting to put it somewhere where someone may see it. i am alive i am here i exist. you know?#alright pack it up this is ridiculous. shut up shut up shut up you poetry obsessed freak lmfao get out of here w that shit#post cancelled everyone go home we're logging out again. this mfer cannot be trusted with a keyboard and internet access#not even tagging this one. fuck off with this shit jesus christ my guy. shut UPPPP#delete later by order of Chase for the love of fuck LMFAO. i ain't even reading all that holy shit dude#this one freak rly logs in to write the worlds most embarrassing post and then runs away again. LOG OFF AND CRY ABT IT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON#posting literally just bc this is so embarrassing that its funny. shut UP my guy.#sorry if there's a tw i should add but genuinely i cannot be bothered to read over this and find out lmfao#delete later PLEASE lmao
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one of the... weirdly good thing about AI art invading the illustration field is that now, whenever i look at art that doesn't cater to my weird fucking taste, i'm able to appreciate the efforts and creativity that are put into making the artist's own personal vision come to life
#i don't like talking about this whole shit because its fucking tiring#but damn if there's one good thing about AI art to me as an artist myself#its that it makes me appreciate other artists despite our difference in taste or aesthetic#because... dude drawing is hard#no matter what handicapped you got#me personally? i'm struggling a lot with my arms and chest pain lately#add into the whole general anxiety shit and my motivation to draw goes haywire#yet... when i actually able to draw... refine parts of the art i'm currently working on#it makes me realized how much i enjoyed doing this#and the thought that other artists who i admired also able to experience this joy too#idk i feel some sort of camaraderie with them#so yeah i think people should try to learn how to draw than steal other people's art just to scam others#tmi tag
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i'm taking the jlpt this sunday and had a stress dream last night abt it bc it sort of snuck up on me and now it's kind of a question of how much my actual japanese abilities will carry me (versus if i should've been cramming on flashcards this past month) but the listening portion is far simpler conversation than my coworkers and i have so. i think that maybe instead of "damn i should've been studying japanese" my perspective should just be "i speak japanese"
#a key part of the dream though was that i failed because i went on a motorcycle joyride during the 40 minute break and didn't make it back#in time for the listening section. the prompt for the listening section btw was to write an essay in english about kirishima eijirou#so i was like damn i would've totally passed#anyway hashtag classic maya but idk#i think i have a bit of a complex abt it bc i was studying for n1 (highest level) in college#but w the switch to online learning we stopped studying the stuff i really needed to work on (vocab and kanji)#and whatever kanji i knew how to write went out the window bc i never had to turn in written homework again#so i really let myself go there for a good two years but since moving last summer i've not only been having japanese conversations every da#i've also actually been studying kanji in my downtime at work#so i have picked up most of the study guide-type information just really slowly over time#i read a ton of manga in japanese lately and most shows on netflix here don't have eng subtitles but i'm fine without them 95% of the time#with the genre of shows i watch at least#so i've been thinking a lot lately abt what my end goal is w japanese studies because 'be able to consume all the art i want' feels like#a good place to be#i do think in the end the only thing between me and n1 is a lot of genuine hard work studying vocab and kanji and reading serious articles#so i feel like all 'sekkaku da shi' i've made it this far why would i just stop working at this point#those are just my thoughts though aaaa i know reading/vocab/grammar section is way more hit or miss#personal
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Not a resolution - just maybe a bit of hope and intention to start out the year
#a prayer - as much of prayer as one such as myself might make - for 2023#metallic pens were used - and so bc shiny hard to see the writng - but i like it in person so - is what it is on camera man ;)#i'd done the eye months ago but never continues with it because i wasn't sure what i wanted from it - but it felt right today#not a bad way to make use toa new year's day#art journal#art journaling#a thing i made#a thing i did#i might not be talented but i am enthusiastic and well intentioned and that is enough#it's about making a creative and sometimes joyful noise - not about if other people find that noise "good' or not#because for me it's good if i needed to make it and wanted to make it and then i did make it - that's why it exists#the rest - and any more - that's details ( and sometimes detritus too lol)#and because my handwriting is not good - text reads:#a prayer for 2023 - may my meyes more truly see- from hands + heart spring forth creativity#and overall- I strive to be a happier better and more stable me#(this is not about toxic positivity - i just want to keep looking for good things - to work to be happy - do things that make me happy )#(i want to be better about working for what i want - to rest yes - but not lose sight and really not work on what i need to )#and stability is about my mental wherewithal but also much more - i have a lot of ducks to get in rows - and that's me acknowledging it
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4, 11 and 13 for the ask game, pls! Thank you and have a good day!
ask game here!
4. Fav character/subject that's a bitch to draw
let's see we can list more of this! I draw birds and wings a decent amount and still every time I draw that I still have to look up one of those wing anatomy charts. I find I'm not well practiced with transparent materials yet, but I hope to get better at that in time. I'd like to get better at figuring out how to lay down a nature scene quickly too, I love to work with that in theory but in practice every time I draw that kind of background I had to stare at like eighty tabs of refs the whole way through. I'm such a city kid through and through...
I'm mostly blessed to not have to worry about hands and shoes too much, I usually have an okay time with them, but I do have days I call bad hand days and bad shoe days the way folks have bad hair days. sometimes even things I like drawing and usually have a good time with don't come out right! just gotta stand up and do something else for a bit
11. Do you listen to anything while drawing? If so, what
absolutely! especially nowadays. I rotate between my current favourite albums and youtube videos/stream VODs. the most consistent caveat is I cannot listen to anything with a plot. that will distract me way too much to draw at the same time.
I also call my friends and hang out in vc while drawing sometimes! especially if I really need to get something done. this is honestly the only way to subject me to new medias I don't know about
13. A creator who you admire but whose work isn't your thing
ahh this is hard... I usually don't look too hard into things I don't actively care about. I guess I'd say the Phong Dương comic team, they're immensely talented people who practically carried Vietnamese comic on their back for a while, and I love Thành Phong's inking style, I just... can't read their comics. for some reasons. they just flow off the back of my skull! I still have all three volumes of Long Thần Tướng currently out on my shelf, but every time I try reading them they just don't stick. I'm honestly kinda mad abt this lol
#ask#bakuspeech#artist ask#thank you for the ask!#once again I am an intensely pleasure-oriented person lol. so I usually don't draw things I don't somewhat enjoy drawing#at most I suffer through drawing some objects that are necessary to the piece but I don't draw by themselves usually#but even those are often not hard to draw. just fiddly#the rest of art is a perfectly meshed cacophony of both joy and abject agony#say ''I enjoy drawing'' feels misleading. I do! but that's not even the half of it. drawing's like breathing to me#if breathing is vastly more costly and takes up much more focus and time. and also sometimes makes you mad#I enjoy drawing yeah. but more importantly I become kinda wrong if I don't draw. like I go bad like milk or produce#so yeah I'm already in This State just by drawing. might as well not make it hard for myself yknow#but also! I do genuinely think being indulgent is hugely important to art!! you need to be decadent and wasteful#and flippant and extremely selfish in your art. it's vital to your health#especially if you do art for a living. you need a space where you can be as indulgent as possible.#that's really my whole art philosophy lol. one it is always better to do art than not to do art.#two if your art is indulgent and self-entitled it inherently has value already. because it's serving something#<- once again rambling about how everyone should do some art#like. when I say ''drawing is like breathing to me'' I'm not lamenting the requirement#I think making funny shapes and funny noises is integral to being human. artists are not separate from humans#drawing well is overrated singing well is overrated. make shape now make noise now. for your health#this has been a PSA. thank u for the ask! fjshdfkdjsfh
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I feel like I'll never be a good artist because of my aphantasia
#its like it goes both ways... i love art but its so difficult because i cant make it spontaneously but making art helps me visualize#the things that i want to see#its the only way for me to see my alters or my inner world#and its the only way i can remember my friends faces even a little (i also have very poor facial recognition)#its my only way to imagine... my only way to daydream#my only way to see things differently#to see myself differently#and it hurts that its so limited#im scared to complain because im afraid people will tell me im just not cut out for art#or that i clearly dont really have it because i can draw#but i dont think they know just how much effort i put into everything. just how much it means to me#i feel like a terrible person and a terrible artist because i have to rely on reference images and tracing so heavily#i feel like everyone will hate me if they knew how much i rely on other peoples art to improve...#i dont want to do anything wrong i just want to maks thinge#i just want to make things#Its the reason i stopped showing people my art and the reason i dont think ill ever be able to profit off my art#even though its my greatest skill (still not saying much clearly)#im scared ill show someone something im proud of and theyll accuse me#id rather just keep it to myself...#do you know how hard it is to be proud of something or love something that youre ashamed to show anyone else?#idk this probably sounds incredibly stupud#im sorry if any of you actually read this
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.
#life is hell btw.#like sorry I’m being miserable this is a fandom blog lol but like#accepting my brother is alive but I’ll never really get to be with him again has been rough idk#and that’s just the latest thing there’s so much going on right now i don’t even know where to begin#i guess the thing is that with my brother he’s the only person in my family who likes me#like he’s the only one who really cares about me and tells me that and shows me that#no one else really likes me because I’m weird and hard to be around and stuff but my brother loves me#and he’s been struggling for years we both have but he’s had addiction problems and helping him has been hard but he was doing so well#and it’s hard to explain but it gets to a point where you can’t force help on them yknow#so you just have to resort to mourning while they’re still alive#I’m sorry i know that’s evil but there’s only so much i can do and I’ve done it all#I’ve been mourning him for years and now I’m mourning again#and i just feel awful#and i know it’s selfish to think this but my birthday is next week and it’s like he’s the only one who spends the day with me#my family will always have dinner with me and stuff but my brother knows i have no friends and it makes me sad being alone on my birthday#and he’s ALWAYS made an effort to be there on my birthday and spend the day with me no matter what#and now he’s in jail and will be in prison probably for the rest of my life#idk and really this is just one of many catastrophic things going on in my life i just need a break#and my breaks are immersing myself into my books and shows and movies#so thank you everyone for all the work you’ve been producing lately i know ot sounds silly but getting to come home and read your guys fics#and look at all of your art or even just reading your posts takes away so much of my stress and feeling of impending doom and helplessness#idk i just wanted to say I appreciate you all so much#please like if you read this though i can’t really talk about this stuff with anyone i just need to be heard
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