#<- talk of it

[r1poutmygvtz]

so this started as me saying i was gonna go back to doing what i normally do sleep-wise but i smoked and kinda got in my head and it turned into a long vent so yea idk, its kinda repetitive and all over the place ik but i just write the thoughts as they form so it's whatever, i don't feel like fixing it, HEAVY tw for suicidal thoughts and talk of death, brief ed talk

forget going to bed early, i hate waking up early, i hate being up during the day, i hate being around people, idrc about bettering myself anymore, yea i know i need to fix my sleep schedule and socialize more so i can actually function like the average person but i'm just not built for that, i'd rather blow my brains out or jump in front of a train than live like the rest of the people around me, why be constantly stressed out, overworked, and underpaid on top of being anxious, depressed, and dissociated when i can just kill myself and not have a single thing to worry about

rereading this and thinking about it and i think that's the problem, for as long as i can remember suicides always been an option, a backup plan for when things go wrong, i've been suicidal either actively or passively since i was 9 maybe 8 and that's really as far back as i can remember and even that's fuzzy, i never thought of working, i never thought of my future, im not supposed to have one, i'm supposed to be dead, i was supposed to die over 3 and a half years ago, i wasn't supposed to see 14 and now i'm nearly 17 with nothing going for me and no plans, goals, or dreams, i've been graduated for nearly a year, now what? the plan was to kill myself the day i graduated but i got switched to alternative school so it was sooner than i expected and i pussied out

tbh tho i could still die whenever i choose, i have everything i need to do it in the house with me right now, not that i'm gonna or plan on it, not for another year at least, it's just the fact that i could do it and it would be easier than living the average life, everyone makes it seem so easy and i don't understand, i genuinely don't get how people wake up excited for the next day, i dont think i'll ever understand

idk i guess i just don't see the point, you wake up, you go to work, you come home, and then what? wait to do it all over again pretty much every day for the rest of your life? for what? why go through all that stress and effort? what are we even living for? there's no end goal or reward for living, you just live, simple as that, you live until you die and everyone youve ever known dies and then you're forgotten, then what?

there's just no point in me being alive anymore, i don't benefit anyone, i don't have a purpose, i've lost all my potential, so why do i keep living? i honestly don't think i could name anything positive that's keeping me alive right now, my cat? she's got the rest of my family to give her love, my family and friends? they'll get over me eventually and until then they have each other, the only thing truly keeping me alive is the fact that i'm not skinny enough to die yet, you know how fucking sad that is? 16 years old and the only thing keeping me alive is the fact that i hate how i look so much that i'll starve myself until i finally kill myself

[spiribia]

we do need to revisit the wording of "you can't have your cake and eat it too" because i don't think it clearly enough conveys that it's more that you can't simultaneously retain a cake and also get to consume it (which would render you cakeless). for years i was like But why not....it's my cake....?

[tolerateit]

[suffering-and-misery]

adhd paralysis sucks bcuz im just sitting there and my brain is like

YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME

no work done no rest gained. literally no point of this at all

(to everyone who reblogged, donate and share @olagaza's initiative!)

[pauls-mescal]

Andrew Garfield talks to Elmo about grief and the passing of his mother

[word-count-bullet-count]

I've been seeing a lot of knight posts recently. pretty great

[yeepof]

I understand that tall men are our POV characters, but surely being like a foot taller than everyone around them would have some occasional consequences

[mangosteen]

[cunning-and-cool]

idk man but something about Stanley "taught himself extremely advance physics/math/probably many other things while running a relatively successful business" Pines and Stanford "is wanted in almost every dimension with a judicial system of some kind" Pines is sooo fucking funny to me

[puppyeared]

filipina miku!! my mom helped me with her outfit ^_^

[sexybritishllama]

it might just be because im sleep deprived from jetlag rn but this r/relationship_advice post is making me cry actual tears of laughter. i read the post at first and was like yeah pretty standard whatever but im nosey so i clicked on the drawing op linked and i was not mentally prepared for it. putting it under a read more so you can get the same experience as i did

some of the top comments

[ode-2-joy]

okay so i work in the deli of a grocery store, yeah? and today i got this guy who came up with his two twin children, around five years old. he walks up to the counter, carrying one kid in each arm, and loudly goes "oh, no, i forgot what i wanted!" and turns to the boy in his left arm and, in a perfect blues clues style voice, goes "caleb, do you remember what i wanted?" and the boy goes "half pound of yellow cheese!"

i, obviously, say "you've got it little sir!" and slice up half a pound of yellow american cheese, handing it to the little boy, who looks it over, nods, and tucks it in his lap.

then the man goes "well, we can't just have cheese on our sandwiches. but what else can we put on there?" and the little gurl in his other arm goes "half pound of ham!" so i nod and say "yes ma'am! what kind?" and she points at a random cut of turkey, so her father nods and says "like she said, honey ham!" i cut half a pound of honey ham, hand it to the little lady, she looks it over, nods and puts it in her lap.

then the man goes "now, what should we have for the side?" and the kids both simultaneously start cheering "macking cheese!!!" and the man spins on his heel and marches off, presumably to find the macking cheese.

later, the little boy comes wandering back to the counter while his father looks on and loudly and proudly proclaims that he wants to know where the mustard is. i point him to the correct aisle, he nods, says "thank you mister deli woman" and walks away.

[princesscas]

"edit images with AI-- search with AI-- control your life with AI--"

[gabrielora]

When I was younger and researching the autism diagnosis criteria and symptoms, I thought “oh I couldn’t POSSIBLY be autistic.” Because when I read “takes everything literally” I thought it literally meant EVERYTHING and I was like “I don’t take EVERYTHING literally, just most things!” And I just realized the other day that it didn’t actually mean EVERYTHING and that was an overstatement.

[dradelcra]

Guys, Netflix is going to make a modern day adaptation of Dorian Gray and they're making Basil and Dorian brothers