aarix2

[aarix2]

[aarix2]

walk into the function and immediately all the women there grab me and nail me to a bedazzled cross

[aarix2]

hm oh ok

[aarix2]

this is the funniest tweet ive ever seen in my life

[aarix2]

[aarix2]

4yo: actually, my dad work for nike

Me: my dad works for dinosaur

4yo: (very skeptic but doesn't have the words to call me out) tell me what... is the... dinosaurs name😑

[aarix2]

getting into bed on a December night by Ellen Bass

[aarix2]

its so funny we have a communication device referred to as the 'walkie talkie' and because we're used to it it's serious

[aarix2]

[aarix2]

you ask him if anythings wrong and he says hes fine but you know hes tight as fuck about the seagulls biting all his arms off and shit. it was supposed to be a nice day at the beach for your anniversary but now the mood is ruined for the rest of the day.

[aarix2]

cyberpunk game but instead of hit points track the integrity of each character’s adblocker

[aarix2]

[aarix2]

mfw drinking ardbeg

mfw drinking cask strength laphraoig

[aarix2]

[aarix2]

Nice penis, but I really don’t care. I need to get back to the lab.

[aarix2]

Courtesy of @narcosene on twit

[aarix2]