#<- person who is 2 months away from becoming 18 and terrified for becoming an adult because she has no idea what to do with life

[helpmyinterestsareverywhere]

Didn't have "crying over The Sarah Jane Adventures" on my 2024 bingo card but here we are

[pinkaditty]

Cater Diamond Thoughts

hey hey part 2 of my insatiable brainrot. been sitting in my drafts for like. weeks. it's Cater's turn. he's gyaruo (and im gyaru if u didn't know!) so i've been obsessed with him for like. months now.

summary: a small collection of thoughts about Cater Diamond that has no chance of curing my permanent unending gyaruo brainrot. help me please. content warning: suggestive content, implied sexual encounters, creepy (ish?) behavior, gn!mc, proofread once or twice at best. a/n: Cater's turn raaaaaah! this isn't exactly nsfw but all the same I'd really prefer it if MINORS DIDN'T INTERACT! thanks! also a reminder that I WILL NOT WRITE NSFW FOR TWST CHARACTERS CANONICALLY UNDER 18. thank you very much for respecting my boundaries! and i promise part 3 of the pervert obey me thing is in the works! <3

MINORS/AGELESS BLOGS DNI IM SO SRS.

thank you! enjoy the read!

Cater Diamond who is aloof.

He finds himself not caring at first, especially when you decide to spend all your time with other people when he could’ve been the perfect upperclassman. He finds himself not caring when he watches you get swept away by the hotter, older upperclassmen. He finds himself not caring when you can’t come by Heartslabyul as often anymore.

And then, very quickly, he starts caring. He doesn’t know why or how, but you somehow managed to become an object of his desires when he tries very hard to not let that happen with anyone, ever, at all. Sure he’s liked people, but he has never been spurred to act on it. So he doesn’t know why he goes out of his way to speak to you, to do things with you. Why does he invite you to go for tea and take cute pics? Why does he text you out of the blue just to share a silly thought or idea? Why does he jump for joy whenever he’s invited over to Ramshackle Dorm? And why do you go along with it every time?

He's mystified at how you've managed to break his aloof structure in so little time. But he's not going to let you get away with it. Now that you've caught his attention, he's going to ensure that he catches yours. 

Cater Diamond who is secretive.

He's the kind of person to keep things casual on his end, regardless of how committed the other party may be. He wants to know everyone's deepest secrets and desires, but prefers to keep his under multiple layers of locks and keys. Most of his relationships were almost always one sided, mostly because he could never keep himself tied down. He didn't like to be owned, but he liked to be desired.

After growing up in a house with two older sisters, he hadn't had much privacy, and hadn't had much secrecy either. But once he was exposed to different worlds, he made it a point to keep himself a secret. Talking about home was stressful, and working through the stress surrounding it was even worse, so he always kept his emotions a secret. His sunny disposition and eager attitude was more than enough to catch interested stares, so he kept it up. He was a bit of a tease, but people liked that. The problems came when people grew close to him and expected him to open up in return. That is usually when things would end or grow stagnant. The terrifying ordeal of being known and owned was too much for him. No commitment, no permanence, no promises. Just silly temporary flings, hookups, and infatuation. He was never tempted for more. 

And yet, with you, he finds it hard to not want to be yours. He craves your attention and will do anything to receive and retain it. It is especially satisfying when he manages to draw you away from others and instead towards him. It gains him more than a few displeased glares, but who cares? The only person whose attention he cares about anymore is you. 

Cater Diamond who is clever.

It may not seem like it, but he's got more than a few tricks up his sleeve. 

He will first ask you for your schedule, under the premise of wanting to spend more time together. When he has it, he memorizes it until he knows it off the top of his head. He keeps a close eye on your social media to track your favorite places, and asks you to go there with him, saying he wants to try something new. He plans out random encounters, few and far between enough to make them seem coincidental. He doesn't follow you, but he does show up. And because of that, he begins to stick out in your mind. 

He'll fish for your attention every chance he can get. He'll post the most random, silly things just to get you to like it. He'll click his pen a few too many times in class just to get you to glance over at him and watch him click it repeatedly. He'll fake a stumble if he's walking in front of you just to get your help. He'll put up his hair differently in flight class just so he can catch your questioning stare. He'll do all these things just to feel your eyes on him, so that he can feel like you've noticed him. And if he's brave enough, when he catches your gaze, he'll smirk knowingly, his eyes creasing up at the edges and say "You're staring," as though that wasn't exactly what he wanted. 

He can't bring himself to confess first, so he'll bait you into doing it, by planting the idea in your head in perhaps not-so-subtle ways. He'll mention the incoming Valentine's Day and how badly he wishes for a confession, or he'll bring up the topic of crushes often as though he's dying to know who you've got your eye on - all the while knowing it's him. When you finally crack and cave, admitting your feelings for him, his heart soars. Of course he accepts your feelings, and while the fear of commitment eats at him just slightly, it's muffled by his fulfilled want to be yours.

Maybe you fell first, but he definitely fell harder.

Cater Diamond who is prideful.

He's never been proud to be tied down, ever. But it's with you and he's learning to enjoy it. All he does is talk all of Heartslabyul's ears off (and anyone else who will listen) about how wonderful you are, or how beautiful you are, or how he adores every little thing about you. And while he does indeed love you, there is something satisfying about the palpable jealousy that hangs in the air when he mentions staying the night at Ramshackle Dorm or going out on cute little photogenic dates with you. His eyes glimmer with pride every time someone sucks their teeth or rolls their eyes or lowly growls. He doesn't even remotely feel threatened. 

He tries not to flaunt you too much, for fear of being overly zealous, but he offers his arm to you every time you walk together. He kisses your forehead sometimes when he sends you off to class. He takes as many pictures as he likes of you in your cutest outfits. And he always makes a show of it if you sit near him at lunch. He can't help it. He's just so proud. The question is, is he proud to be yours or proud to have you?

Cater Diamond who is capable.

It doesn't take long for you to bed each other; romance wasn't the only thing blossoming between you two. Cater very quickly proves himself to be far more than adept at such activities, but recognizes that there is love in this too, this time.

In the past, he always did it how his partner liked it to keep them interested, ensuring both parties were happy, but only to his own benefit. He never said "I love you" or anything as flimsy and daunting as that. It was always whispered moans and whines from him and his partner, various curses, vulgar descriptions, and a cry to signify release. Nothing more, nothing less. If such committed words were uttered, he'd stop seeing them. He always made it clear that that's never what he wanted to hear. He only wanted to hear how good they were feeling, how close they were, or what they wanted him to do or what they wanted to do to him. It was always just to get off or satiate a burning attraction, never to demonstrate love. 

Like the past, he wants to make you, his partner, feel good, but unlike the past, it is a demonstration of love. He will do everything in his power to ensure that you know that he loves you through every technique he knows. He thinks of you first and him second. Whatever you want done is done, however you want it, whenever you want it, all to show that he loves you. He doesn't care. As long as it satisfies you, anything's worth it. And he does satisfy you. Every time. 

He never gets tired of hearing his name moaned out on your tongue, and he never gets tired of the taste of yours, sweet as honey, lingering on his lips like a whisper.

Cater Diamond who is devoted.

He's been tied down, slowly but surely. Whether you planned it or not, you've simply got him wrapped around your finger. Of course he knows this, but can't bring himself to want to tear away. He is safe and comfortable with you, and all the things you've shown him. He quickly finds that, instead of being proud to have you, he's proud to be yours. He's proud to be loved in the way he's learned to love. Whatever residual fear he has of commitment, or loss of control, is all dissolved when he looks at you, your hand curled around his, your eyes watching him.

He takes pictures of you all the time to remind himself that he's yours, and he curls into your chest at night to remind himself that he's yours, and he bathes in the jealous stares of his peers to remind himself that he's yours.

And he wouldn't have it any other way.

Cater Diamond who is in love with you. 

------------------------

a/n: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Cater Diamond my beloved?!?!?? anyways. thanks you guys for reading. genuinely I hope you all appreciate Cater Diamond as much as I do, especially after reading this! take care, and stay tuned for the other adult characters!

[teenagenerdtrashcowboy]

I would like 2 know 🥺🥺........[SILLY]

Okay, gonna go on a yapping spree

Quick warning ima mention some topics like self harm, and death

So here's B one because it has a lot to it it

So like I like to believe B was born in the 2000s, now his actual bio family has a very big link to this god called stardom (I'm going to make a design for them soon but to describe them, they usually wear an outfit similar to a priest, they have stars scattered across it and they have very long curly hair. They also have traits that of deer, they have hooves, ears and antlers) now Bs mother had him and his twin sister (brother at the time) a day apart. Right so she had this almost prophecy and had to give up B and his younger sister. Now like I've Said before B is a trans guy, he used to be a girl, who was called Nicole (if you read the prologue it should link up to James' Superstition) they were taken by this very caring woman who had a rather neglectful husband. So Reagan and B (or refered to as Nicole at the time) grew up with very little affection, and not understanding why someone could possibly be nice to him :(. Now onto the part about B breaking his leg really badly, he was actually around 5 1/2 at the time and was in the basement of his house, he was playing about and knocked over a very heavy piece of metal on his leg, breaking his femur bone in 3 places, this was actually really traumatic to B obviously, this lead to B developing a feeling that he should look all around for cautions around him, sometimes leaving him a bit panicked.

When he had turned 6, a new person had suddenly come into his clas in primary school, this kid had come from Germany and didn't know much english (you'll never guess who it was/pos) so they had actually become good friends, this kid actually was James (hence James getting a superstition in the prologue that he Recognised B.) Now after all that, Bs step mother had a child, but unfortunately one day she suddenly got seriously sick, B actually has a memory of him when he was just 11 in which his mother was visibly shaking a lot and was pale as fuck. She unfortunately died a month after B turned 12. Because of Bs step dad being rather neglectful, B and Reagan spent most of their time caring for their step brother, this went on for a while, B usually convinced Reagan to let him take care of him more because he just wanted Reagan to have time to grieve the sudden lost of their step mother, this led to B missing out a lot from school. This actually one leading cause to the s/h he had actually done it once after his mother died but soon all the stress caused him to cut himself multiple times per day.

Soon his uncle had taken in B and Reagan and they had to move away, leaving James alone without B.

Now time skip to when B was 18, this is one of his major traumas, B had only just become a backrooms explorer and had some experiences with it, a group of his friends decided to bring him along because he had a lot of experience already, so they could explore a rather dangerous room. B was obviously like "fuck no don't do that you could die" but they kept on trying to convince B until he gave in. Before they knew it they were cornered, B was actually the first to get attacked an entity charged at him and dug its teeth deep into the side of Bs neck (Wilbur soot core) and thundercunted him across to the side, all the others was like "oh shit" and tried to fight but unfortunately were ripped to shreds, B had to actually lay there and watch it unfold because if he moved he could become another victim.

Obviously after he was in therapy for a while and then disappeared and soon met James again.

Now James' one, a whole lot less terrifying. James was born in Germany obviously, at the time he spoke only German, until his parents decided to move to wales, so he had to learn a but of English. Fortunately the teachers there did give him extra help with english and understanding stuff. You see James is autistic but he didn't know anything about it fully until he was about 11,he thought it was normal to not understand social cues, have really big interests in things, to stim or get panicked by loud noises. James actually would get very stressed, and often would be babied, making it worse he wanted respect. This led to a lot of stress and soon he started to develop coping mechanisms, one of the main ones being eating (a reason why he's quite chubby in my hc, he's also chubby because I am a bit too). Alongside that James gets very clingy to people if they actually are nice to him, this can be quite self destructive because if they are gone for a while he can get really upset, James actually for a while had major separation anxiety when him and B first got together, this poor guy would actually cuddle pillows. James has actually had a really big hype fixation on chemistry since he first learnt about it but unfortunately he couldn't become a chemist so he chose the next best thing. Now about why James needs that visor. James had always had problems with his sight, he actually wore glasses but soon it started to get much worse until he actually went particularly blind, he was given the visor so he could see again and they could hopefully soon find a cure for the sudden blindness. But now they really can't, because uh oh an entity got him and ripped off the visor and pulled out his eyes, fortunately B ran in and saved him, and that led James to getting a bit of trauma too.

[lightadarttomendyourheart]

ive decided i hate christmas without you. last year was so much fun. pub on xmas eve and christmas at home with your parents and then boxing day cheese and the hike up to the pub. it was so nice. this year has felt so lacklustre without you. and tbf its usually quite boring and meh usually anyways, but i feel this year has been more meh than usual because you're not here.

ugh i'm just so back to obsessing over you and honestly i don't like it. it's not that i don't wanna be obsessed with you, but it just makes me feel so weak and VULNERABLE. and i hate it. i hate feeling vulnerable so much. and i hate having a boyfriend who i can't share every experience i want with. i know it's only temporary, for another 3 months really, which is so short considering we've done long distance for 1.5 years now (which is so wild it's already been that long), but i still feel this way sometimes, a lot of the time recently since you've left. i just got so used to you being around and it hurts when you're not. especially now during the holidays. i always feel so bleh about xmas at home honestly, it's not something i really enjoy. and i've always felt bad about that and that i shouldn't but yeah, it's just very whatever and it always has been.

and it's now that i just need that little bit of extra attention and idk i just feel like something is missing from you, but really it's just you. i'm missing you being here. if you were here i really don't think i'd feel this way. it's the distance. but i also think, and something i knew from the beginning, is i just feel like i love you more than you love me. i feel like you'd so easily be able to move on with your life if we ended and i would be left in absolute shambles. and i was so terrified of fucking us up when we first started dating and it was such a weight on my shoulders and then that shifted and i really did believe you loved me more, but now i really don't think you do. and i don't worry anymore that i'm going to fuck things up between us at all, i haven't for a long time now thankfully because i know i'd be the stupidest person ever to jeopardize us and i also don't get in stupid situations that i could potentially. i'm not 18 year old jamie anymore, but that doesn't make me forget the choices i made back then and how easy it would be. anyways, that's not gonna happen.

ugh i just miss you so much right now and it's really getting to me. this whole time of year and everything. it's such a weight on me. i honestly don't ever wanna spend a christmas away from you again. there are so many things i don't ever want to do without you. which is terrifying. i'm becoming so dependent on you, in so many ways, and i love that i've let you in so much that i now want to share all these things with you all the time, but it's like, what if one day you can't support me or you won't be there, etc, etc, and i just crumble. and i hate that i'm "allowing" myself to get there even thought that's literally what you have to do to be with someone. you have to let them in so fully into your life. it's such a double edged sword. you just make everything better. honestly. you make my mornings and days and nights so enjoyable. just you being there. everything you bring to the table is what i want in my life. ugh and i miss your touch so much. your kisses and your hands playing with my hair and just you, your body next to mine.

it's less than 2 months, almost 1 month until you come. and it just cannot come any faster. i need you here now please.

[s0lar-ch3ri]

ramble time (spoiler this actually becomes a rant as i ignore my agreement, kind of sorry op)

maybe chip thought of his childhood as great, and jay could find more light in her situation then gillion could, but that doesnt mean either of them had a fun time.

talking about what happened on the black rose is easy, what the fuck happened to chip at age fucking 9- (9 and younger) (if the black sea happened about a decade ago in canon, and chip is 19, he was 9 on the black rose) to render him without family or a god damn name? and again, ignoring the black sea, would the black rose be the best place for children? there is no god damn way they wouldnt have dealt with attacks and risks on board before. yeah, he was round 8 and happy, but is the life of a pirate safe enough to be considered a good enough childhood for him? (update, with further research, chip was around 9 when the black sea happened, how long he actually traveled with them and how old when he joined are unknown to my knowledge, but i doubt it was more then 2-3 years tops. i personally think he was there a couple months)

and fucking price! all we fucking know that happened was chip was peer pressured by that man into fucking murder. gangs are absolutely unsafe for a boy whos probably starting to enter his double digits at best. chip was scared to kill because of that fucking event and ive yet to see chip kill with that memory gone still, kind of showing the impact it has even when gone.

yeah, chip had a childhood, but maybe he wishes he didnt, because when your childhood gives you the haunted one background, youd rather have not had it.

and jay? you cannot gloss over that fucking loss. ava would have been one of her closest, if not the closest, person to jay, and like that shes gone. and would have any of her family shown they cared? if they did, they did it with separation from jay, because they seem as cold as jayson in the matter.

on the topic of jayson, like i had mentioned, he shot her doll when she was younger because she spent too much attention on it. again, jay was seven. im pretty sure this implies she was in the navy at age seven, not much fun there. even if it was when she was older, how she acts about her dad says a lot. in the same convo she mentioned the doll thing, she says she thought he was a good dad. but at this point, he doesnt see her as his daughter, he was the one who made her kill gillion. DOES THE FACT THAT HER DESCRIBING HER DAD AS SOMEONE WHO "finds a way to break things" IMPLY A FINE CHILDHOOD THERE??? AND DO NOT GET ME STARTED ON THE FEAR SHE HAS FOR HER OTHER FAMILY.

we also cannot just assume shit from whats given. do keep in mind, it wasnt just gillion who didnt hesitate at murdering the goblins back then. if the navy was willing to use family as battle bait, why wouldnt they be fine with making family kill people? theres no way jay only ever trained to fight in the navy, if her sister was in battle jay must have been to.

at 8 and 10 chip and jay could have been happy, but were they safe? is all that deems it a good childhood how happy they were?

maybe at age 12 jay could have spent time with her mom and sister, but shed feel some sort of anger of her dad being so distant. and at age 10 chip had barely been with price, and even though he found himself somewhat a brother in price, it wouldnt be enough to fill the hole in the sea and himself that ate his family and friends.

chip at age 14 could have caused trouble, yeah, but jay wouldnt. she knows the power of her dad, its better to follow his rules rather then risk it (because if he without a second thought shot that doll, who said she wouldnt be his doll next?).

chip, 18, is terrified to kill a man after being forced to watch the life leave a mans eyes, and probably is just drifting around on the sea, unsure if hes ending up somewhere let alone alive, as long as hes away from before. and jay, 20, is heartbroken over her sisters death and is already planning to kill the pirates who caused it, and wont stop from fucking hunting until shes seen their blood pour. she knows to shoot with deadly aim because shes used it before. jay will look to her side and know shell never see the familiar face of ava before running into battle again, and she cant even be told to think this plan through as its one of the few things keeping her going.

chips life is ruined by factors he cant control and he doesnt know what hes done wrong.

jay is choosing a path of revenge knowing itll probably ruin her because its not like anyone else in the family is reaching out to each other or even trying to take action.

chip never could have wanted something more then a life with a locked cage so he wouldnt be swayed around like this, jay was a bird free yet tied herself to her family no matter the danger and cant bring herself to cut the ropes still.

no captain of the riptide pirates has actually had a childhood. not chip who is barely a legal adult (if he even legally exists due to not having a last name [no fucking way the legal records say "chip"]), not jay who could never have felt more trapped with her freedom, not gillion who couldnt even see a world beyond the bars at age 11.

I constantly have it in my mind that Gillion is three years older than Chip. Gillion, yes, Gillion mother fucking Tidestrider, is the oldest of the albatrio.

It's funny on a base level, Gillion is oldest yet the others need to babysit him. Gillion is the oldest but he knows the least. Haha.

It's less funny if you think about Chip being 8 years old, happy with the black rose pirates and then Gillion. Gillion who is eleven and training to be a weapon for others.

It's less funny if you think about Jay, 12 and spending time with her mom and sister. Gillion, 13, who can't remember his mom and almost expects his sister's hugs to hurt because the only contact he gets is hit over the head for failing again.

Chip, 14, Jay, 16, able to act out and cause trouble, because they're teenagers, why not goof around? And then Gillion, who's 17 and told to be an adult and act like it. But he can't change how he acts, because being mature has always been the standard expectation, he doesn't know how to be an adult when that's already what he's been his whole life.

Chip, 18 and he is scared to kill someone because killing is bad. Jay, 20 and her sister is dead and she is heartbroken. Gill, 21 and he is already used to killing, and he never sees his sister anyways, and he ruins his life. He ruins his life doing wha he thought was right, doing what they taught him to do.

Gillion is three years older than Chip, a year older than Jay. And it seems insignificant until you think about those years being stolen from him. It took Gillion 22 years to be free. Chip was free off and on, he had a childhood, Jay was never held back, she had a childhood.

Gillion didn't.

[wildestdreamsblog]

Just to Seal My Fate

Pairing: Bodyguard!August Walker x Reader

Warnings: Soft!Dark August Walker, Swearing, Alcohol consumption, Sexual themes, mention of death, violence, drama. If you’re not 18+ please, PLEASE, do not interact. Be mindful of the warnings. Let me know if I miss anything.

A/N: It took me six months to finish this omg. Please support content creators by commenting or reblogging their works 💖 I will also no longer be keeping a taglist. Thank you my loves!

No Rules in Breakable Heaven: Beginning, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, End

August was playing the gracious host. Or rather, a doting kidnapper. You couldn’t exactly call him a hostage taker, because when you offered to give him half of your wealth, he ended up giving you a sympathetic smile, nodded his head before tapping down on his phone and showing to you just how much he was worth. Your wealth seemed so small in comparison to his.

Short to say, you didn’t know why you even bothered paying him for months on end. Right..your trusted secretary revealed to you later on that August didn’t touch any of his salary. Thousands of dollars were deposited to his account, and to date, it was still sitting there untouched. It became clearer to you that he wasn’t doing any of this for money. It was clearer to you that you didn’t want to know what his motivations were. And maybe, it terrified you to understand his mind.

“Princess,” August called you, his footsteps smooth across the floor as he walked near you. You turned to look at him, his dark look and devilish handsome face still managed to take your breath away. Your mind knew you should hate him, but your heart still skipped a beat when he was near you. Suffice to say, love was complicated. Love, you learned from him, doest not need to make sense. “I’ll be back soon.”

“Where are you going?” You might hate what he did to you, but he was still the only one you knew in the huge castle he brought you in. Despite your aversion to his betrayal, his was still the familiar face. And you were not comfortable to be left in this castle with his butler who was almost robotic.

August smirked before running the back of his hand on your cheek. And you did flinch, just a second too late before you saw his patient smile at you. “Oh, are you worried, my princess?”

You slapped his hand away, “No, I’m not,” you huffed before crossing your arms.

“I’ll be back soon. In the mean time, you may familiarize yourself in our home.”

Home was an understatement. This was a castle. You found yourself roaming the room you woke up in, your legs carrying you to every nook and cranny of the spacious room, looking for any form of escape. This was even bigger than the room you had in your own manor. You entered the expanse of the closet. August’s crisp and expensive shirts were neatly hanged, but beside that were dresses with tags still on. You ran your hand over the cloth, your frown deepening as you realized they were all your size, they were all your style, even down to your favorite brand. With a horrified look on your face, you managed to move on to another section that housed accessories- and beside his expensive watches were jewelries that were same as what you owned.

It became clearer to you, this was not a temporary thing to August. No, this was permanent for him.

Hours passed and yet, there was still no August. The maid ushered you down the stairs to the fancy dining room- all your favorite meals laid down on the long table. The cold butler, ever the gentleman, helped you in your seat. You didn’t know whether you could trust August, you didn’t know if there was still any chance that he wanted to end your life. You couldn’t trust anyone. And so you watched over your lashes as the butler dipped his head a little before leaving you all alone in the room. That was when you stood up, your senses alert, your survival instinct on the highest setting as you walked briskly, looking for an escape. It was becoming suspicious even to an untrained person such as you to approach the main door without anyone stopping you. Your hand almost touched the door when the butler silently approached you from your side.

“Lady Walker, are you going somewhere?” He asked politely, his suit impeccable and without any crease.

“I’m not Lady Walker,” you snapped, your patience wearing thin. This had been a long day for you. First you thought you were going to get married to your childhood friend, and the next thing you knew you were being drugged and kidnapped by your deranged bodyguard turned lover, and now you were in an unknown palace so far away from civilization, and people you literally only met today were calling you Lady of the house, their Lady Walker. Up until now, you could confidently say that you were handling it calmly. But you were almost in your tipping point with no form of communication to your people, with only having him to rely on, with being dragged back to his side- it was enough to make the calm and kind you to snap at someone for the first time in years.

The butler only smiled understandingly at you, not once flinching from your ire. “May I know where you are going so we can prepare your security and inform Sir August?”

You felt a burning feeling in your chest, one that was ready to explode any second. “I want to leave on my own.”

“I’m afraid we cannot let you leave without security and without his express approval-“

“So I can’t leave on my own?” Your voice had the challenging tone you never used. “So am I a prisoner, then?”

“No, Madame, you are not.”

“But I’m not free to go anywhere I like.”

“You can. We just need to inform Sir-“

“You are describing a prisoner.”

The butler sighed before fixing his glasses, “No, Madame,” he started before looking up at one of the cameras located on the ceiling, “You are Sir August’s most prized possession.”

“I heard you didn’t eat anything since I left.”

You jumped from your position. You were lying down on the bed, trying to get some peace when the bane of your existence materialized once again.

“Did you miss me that much?” The bed dipped from his weight, his ring adorned hand rested on your waist as if he had a right to still touch you.

“Where were you?”

He regarded you for a moment, his head tilting to the side, “Your lovesick suitor is proving to be a nuisance,” he commented lightly before he drank from the whiskey he was holding. Now you could see that his knuckles were bruised and bloodied.

“What did you do?” Maybe he heard the hysteria in your voice as you sat up, aware now more than ever that you were in the presence of the devil hidden by a beautiful face.

He smiled coldly at what you said as if amused by you and how you automatically thought that he was the one at fault. Well, he would be at fault if you ever try to leave him.

“We’ll eat, and then we’ll talk, my princess.”

Your eyes drifted repeatedly to the stairs as you bit your lip, second guessing whether you should trust her. But she did say to use this if you ever wanted the truth. And now, you needed the truth. You didn’t know if you could trust whatever he was going to say, but this was worth the risk.

What more could you lose, right?

And so, you opened the small vial she gave you, poured the whole content to his glass of whiskey, and mixed it. You watched the liquid swirled, and with it, the truth you had been denied to for months on end.

It didn’t take long before August finished with his shower and went down, and sat in front of you, his legs spread, his stance that of a man so comfortable in his own space. His dark eyes went to the whiskey in front of him before his lips formed into a smirk. He gestured to you, “Eat, my princess. I didn’t bring you here just to starve you.”

You glared at him before pointedly looking at the food laid in front of you. “How do I know they’re not poisoned?”

He nodded, your concern was understandable. He grabbed his fork before digging in on the food, showing you that they were in no way tampered. Only when he swallowed and nothing happened did you start drinking the juice served in front of you. The two of you ate in comfortable silence, it was too comfortable that you almost forgot you were in the presence of one of the most dangerous people on the world. Only when you finished eating, no matter how small you ate, did he address you.

“Go on, princess,” he drawled, swirling the almost finished and contaminated glass of whiskey in his large hand. The signet ring you gave him on Christmas twinkling form the light on the chandelier. “Ask me your questions. You know I can only say the truth.”

You froze, your eyes slowly sliding to his dark ones. “You knew.” You surmised, the utensil you were holding suddenly felt heavy that it made a clanking noise when you accidentally dropped it.

He smiled at you, “I do.”

“Then why did you still drink it?”

“Because,” he started before looking at the glass of whiskey, “You have my heart in the palm of your hands. You deserved nothing but the truth.” Of course, August knew. He was too trained to know when something had been tampered with. He knew she approached you. He knew he gave her that vial. Nothing missed his eyes when you were apart from him. But you didn’t need to know that. Just because he wanted you to know the truth did not mean that you needed to know everything. You were already wary and terrified of him, no need to add to that.

He wanted you to treat him like before, as if he was the only safe space in this world for you.

You frowned as you watched him gulped the remaining whiskey. You should not have underestimated the August Walker.

He smirked at your astonished expression before lowering the glass with finality. “Ask me, my princess. You won’t get another chance to poison me.”

He was right, and you knew it.

You soldiered through his intense gaze, straightening your back, and tilting your chin forward, you asked the thing that would hurt you the most.

“How many times did you try to kill me?”

And without any pause, he answered, “Four times.”

You slumped down to your chair, your expression defeated as you laughed humorlessly. Despite what they had all been saying, there was a small part of you that said, ‘no. August wouldn’t do that to me. They were all wrong.’ But now, the truth was sitting in front of you and he was looking at you with no remorse. You squeezed your eyes shut.

The truth was, you were falling in love with him while he was busy killing you.

“I assumed the first time was the yacht.” You stated, your tone deadpanned as you waited for him to confirm.

“Yes.”

“Why did you save me, then?” Was he that twisted? Did he want you to experience the trauma time and time again? To live with the fear that anyone might end your life? To feel the anxiety and stress and pain? “Are you that cruel?”

“Yes, I am.” He confirmed with a nod. Of course, he was unapologetic about his cruelty. He poured himself another glass of whiskey, “I shut the engine down, each and everyone of you in that yacht were screaming, running to safety, running away from the fire. You were the only one who froze like a deer caught on a headlight. I remember that day as if it was yesterday, you were wearing that red dress. You were looking at the ocean, so separated from the people celebrating behind you. But then the chaos, you were hit by a fire extinguisher that exploded from the fire. But before that.. you looked behind you. You looked at me. You probably couldn’t remember. But you saw me. And then you fell in the ocean. And then it started. I couldn’t let you die. I didn’t know why, but I saved the life I intended to end that day.”

Your lips were trembling at that point, tears streaming down your face as he looked at you unemotionally, the serum still in his system that he could give you nothing but the cruel truth that cruel summer.

“The second time I tried was in the manor when you woke up in the middle of the night and saw me holding that knife. That was for you, my princess. But I ended up tasting you and becoming addicted that night, sealing our fate. The third time was when the car exploded, that day you said that everyone was just looking for love. I meant for you to explode with the car, but at the last possible second, I pulled you away from danger that I orchestrated.”

“And then the last, at that gala. You were so beautiful that night, and you were so warm. I was supposed to shoot you dead, but alas, I shot the man I trained with. Did you know they sent a second killer that night because I kept on failing? Well, they did. And I killed him. Because no one is to touch you, my princess-“

“Enough.” You whispered. It was true what they said. Ignorance really was a bliss.

“Too much, princess?” He asked, concern laced on his velvet voice. You didn’t look up at him, didn’t even acknowledge him when you felt him walked and kneeled beside you, his large palm cradling your head as he waited for you to get your breathing under control. Always patiently waiting. “Ask me if I love you.” He ordered quietly.

You shook your head, not wanting to know.

“Ask me.”

“Do you love me?”

“With every twisted part of me, I love you.”

Your eyes found his sincere ones, his handsome face looked so angelic despite his cruelty. “How can you love anyone? You are a bad person.”

“I changed for you,” he professed, his other hand tilting your cheek to him, “I stopped the end of the world for you. I eradicated my men for you. I loved for you,” he whispered the last part as if confessing a secret that only you could keep. “And if you ever decide to leave me, I will burn this world to ashes.” You felt him touch the ring he gave you, the one you left, the one he now had possession of, “So what is your choice, my princess?”

“This doesn’t feel like I have much of a choice,” you chuckled humorlessly. You were so tired. You were so drained. You could no longer fight his touch off of you.

August shrugged calmly, “Take it as it is.” His demeanor may show you that he didn’t care either way, but his eyes told you to choose him. To please choose him.

“I care about you-” you started when he cut you off.

“I need more than that. I need your love.”

You looked deeply in his eyes, your hand for the first time since you left him willingly touched the hand he was using to cradle your cheek. “You have it.” You said truthfully, because he did. He always had your heart, even though you ran from him, even though you were conflicted, even though he was technically an evil incarnate, he had your heart. He managed to capture it, sinked his claws so deep that you had no way of wrenching him away from you that in no way would make you bleed. Losing him would maim you.

“But this isn’t right. You have to let me go.”

August closed the distance between the two of you, his lips seeking yours in a passionate kiss, one that was done so deeply you knew you couldn’t feel like this for anyone. There was no chance you would feel as much as you did for him for anyone. He was holding you as if he was apologizing for all the things he did, as if he was promising to do better, as if he was begging you to just give him another chance. And if you wouldn’t, he would take. You were moving your lips shallowly against him when the whole mansion vibrated from an explosion.

And then everything went loose.

You were shoved behind August’s broad back, his movement quick and efficient as he pressed a button, alerting his army of men. He grabbed the gun from under the table, his eyes glinting that of a killer, his eyes trained on the door waiting for the assailant.

One.

Two.

Three.

A powerful kick on the door sent the wood flying, as the number of men dressed on a tactical gear with their gun pointed at August surrounded the room, entering one by one. And at the end of the line was your old friend, Earl George.

Your eyes widened when you saw his disheveled face, his face freshly bruised, his neck sporting a bloodied bandage.

“Oh my god, George-“

“Let her go, asshole. This will never end well for you.”

And then August laughed. He laughed so hard that the men looked at him as if he was insane. Maybe he was. August shoved his palm in his pocket, his stance was so relaxed, as if he had no care that there were guns pointed at him.

“Did I not beat you right awhile ago, Earl?” He inquired curiously before he softly looked at you before letting go of you wrist.

Was he… was he letting you go?

He tilted his head, urging you to decide.

“Go on,” his commanding voice resounded on the silence of the mansion. “Go with him. But first know that once you stepped outside with him,” he drawled before walking ever so calmly, as if no army was pointing their guns at him, following his every move. “His head will explode.”

What?

The Earl looked at him with anger in his eyes, “What are you talking about? You cannot threaten me. You are thoroughly outnumbered.”

August roamed his eyes on the men surrounding him before shrugging his broad shoulders. “The wound I gave you on your neck. Did you not have it check?” He asked as if genuinely curious. Earl was about to answer when he waved him off, his hand showing the phone he was holding. “Nevertheless, long story short, there’s a device inside your precious neck that can be detonated by me. And no, you cannot remove it. Your head will explode if you do.”

How can he be so calm while discussing the crime he committed?

You shook your head slowly, your eyes looking at his and you knew that the truth serum was still in effect, There was no way he was telling anything but the truth.

“No,” your voice was pleading, you were pleading for it to be nothing but a horrible dream. One that you would awaken from and not the reality where you have no choice but to stay with the man you were in love with, with the man who attempted to kill you, with the man who did numerous wrongs in his life that it was almost unforgivable, and the man that was now threatening the life of your longtime friend who did nothing but support and love you.

“You wouldn’t,” your voice sounded sos mall, but he heard you. He was always in tuned with you, always.

“Try me, my princess.”

Earl George snapped from his reverie, “He’s lying-“

“I may or may not be lying. Do you want to risk it?”

Earl George quieted, his head hanging so low, his hand sheepishly touching his neck. His stance was that of a defeated man. He met your eyes, his was so apologetic and yours was that of a gentle defeat and understanding. He mouthed, ‘I’m sorry’ to you, and you only nodded. There was nothing that could be done. And you understood. Your fate was sealed.

And with trembling hand, you reached for August’s outstretched ones. Once you did, he clasped yours in his powerful hand and pulled you to him, sealing your fate.

Days, weeks, months passed. And you were back to your old life. Your charity was in full operation. From time to time, you saw the earl as you ran in the same circle, but he could never meet your eyes. And you understood, now it was only small smiles that had too much understanding and history. Your hand rubbed the small bump in your stomach, your hand adorned with rings from him.

They never connected any of August crimes to him. In the end, the Earl called off all searches and investigations once August stopped committing them. Everyone followed Earl George’s example. And once again, August was just a simple citizen. He married you in front of the society, moving so fast as if he was terrified of losing you. To this day, you were sure this was all wrong. And each night, he reminded you why this was right. And often you asked yourself:

When you love a villain, does that make you a villain, too?

okay goodnight (that coffee was strong)

[lizzy-williams]

❝𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚠𝚋𝚎𝚛𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚜 & 𝚌𝚒𝚐𝚊𝚛𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚜❞

ღWarnings: SMUT (18+ please!), language, rough sex, unprotected sex (wrap before you tap), sexual situations.

ღMasterlist

ღRequest: Can you do the most dirty hard good sexy lovely spanking doggy position french kiss smut EVER please PLEASE with tom 🙂🪓

ღSummary: You’re been in a mood almost all week, Tom having to leave right on Valentine’s Day for filming. The day before he has to leave, you’re the meanest you’ve been, and Tom’s had about enough. 

ღA/n: ANON YOU DIRTY BEAN I LOVE YOU. This will be the first thing I’m posting since I came back, So I hope you guys enjoy, feel free to send in more requests. 

𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐇𝐀𝐃 𝐁𝐄𝐄𝐍 in a mood the entire week. More specifically at your boyfriend, who chose a job that somehow, someway got him taken away right on Valentine’s Day. 

Even worse, this would be your 5th Valentine’s Day together, which you saw as a mile stone. You knew you were being irrational and a bit selfish, but you were too blinded by your anger to realize it. 

For the time being, you were giving Tom hell, inside and outside your small flat. On Monday, you and Tom went out for coffee, but of course, being the little minx you are, you teased him right then and there, in public, and you managed to turn Tom into a needy, whiny child with only a few touches.  

But when the two of you got home, you did a full 180, becoming completely distanced and untouchable, evading every advance Tom tried to make on you. You just kept all your attention on Tessa for a majority of that day. 

At first, Tom was clueless, the sudden distancing confusing the hell out of him, but it only escalated from there. 

On Tuesday, you had some things to do for work, and there you sat on the couch, typing away on your computer before Tom, still flustered and needy from yesterday, came waltzing into the living area and plopped down right next to you, resting his head on your shoulder. 

Yet you sat there, still typing away, acting as if Tom wasn’t there at all. Tom adjusted himself a few times, seeing if his movements gained any attention or reaction from you. Still. Nothing. 

Now he resulted to sighing loudly, and due to where his head was, it was right in your ear. It was erotic or teasing, it was just straight up annoying and childish. 

You finally pried your eyes away from the screen and turned to look at him, “Do you want something?” was all the response he was going to get, and even then it was a grumble. 

“I wanna cuddle.” 

He sounded so much like a kid, and in any other circumstance, you would tend to his request. But no. You were mad at him. 

“I’m working, Tom.”

That’s when Tom knew something was definitely wrong. No usual ‘bubba’ or ‘bub’. Not even honey. Just his first name. Not even his full first name. Just Tom. 

You felt him recoil and slip away into the other room. 

Tom: 0, You: 2

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Wednesday rolled around, and Tom was talking to Harrison on the phone. Once again, you had been giving him the bare minimum all day, but when you kissed him, it was long, passionate and lingering. And Tom was, to say the least, baffled. 

“I dunno, man, she’s been like this all week.” 

You happened to be in earshot, and slipped behind a doorframe, listening in on what Tom had to say. 

“No, I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong. I’ve even been making an effort to put the toilet seat down, and somehow she keeps being so distant. I even tried hugging her from behind this morning and she just brushed me off.”

That one was true. You were making yourself lunch when Tom, who woke up late as usual, came into the kitchen and wrapped his arms lovingly around your waist, but staying true to your previous attitude, you brushed him off, using the stove as an excuse. But instead of reassuring him, like you normally would have, you turned and gave him a purple and red hickey on his sweet spot before turning back around and acting as if nothing had happened at all. 

“No, it’s not that time of the month, she already had it. I kinda know these things.”

That was also true. Because you and Tom had such a frequent and vibrant sex life, he made it a personal mission to know when your period came so he could work around it and comfort you. All things aside, he truly was a good boyfriend. 

“Ohhhhh,” he made a sound of realization and it made you perk up a little, wondering if he truly understood why you were so evasive. 

Wait, did he?

The sound of his footsteps clamoring down the hall made you frantically look around for something to look busy with. 

“Darling?” he called out. 

“In here!” you called out, trying to sound unbothered. 

“Ah, Darling,” he seemed giddy, as if he had just solved the worlds biggest mystery, “I know why your angry at me.”

“Oh?” you questioned, as you kept fiddling with whatever you were doing, acting as if it were the most interesting thing in the world. 

“You were upset about the paparazzi pictures. The ones with Ciara.” 

“What?!” you seethed, now not caring about acting like you didn’t care. 

“Th-The other day, when I went out to lunch, you knew about it...?” he was terrified by the look in your eyes. 

He was being honest. He did say he was going out with the female co-star, and you were okay with it. You trusted him. But what you didn’t think about were the tabloids. The gossip sights that would no doubt leak into Twitter, causing an un-needed uprising in Hollanders and shippers. 

Immediately you pushed passed him and went straight for your phone, looking up news sight after news sight. 

Ciara Bravo and Tom Holland: New Hollywood Couple???

Tom & Ciara, A Valentine’s Day Miracle

Did Y/N and Tom SPLIT? Ciara and Tom Spotted!

At this point you couldn’t stand to be in the same room as Tom. Despite him and you understanding there was nothing going on, the outside world put pressure on the both of you, and you needed to breathe. 

Tom didn’t say a word when you got your coat and left with a ‘I’m going out. Don’t wait up.’

By time you got home, Tom slept on the couch, and you slept in the bed. 

˚｡⋆୨୧˚˚୨୧⋆｡˚

Tuesday was quiet, nothing happened. The two of you didn’t speak to each other, a day going by silently, but when you were going to bed, that’s when things got interesting. 

“It isn’t my fault.”

He stood in the bathroom as he spoke, and you were on the bed reading a book with Tessa at your side, sound asleep. 

You gave a small, unbothered sigh, “I know.”

Tom perked up, “What do you mean, ‘you know’?” he asked irritably. 

“I mean I know it isn’t your fault about the media. I don’t care, it’s fine.”

“Then why are you so mad at me?!” he was annoyed now, making you raise a brow. 

“You really don’t know?” you hissed, closing your book, not caring if you lost your page or not. 

“No, of course I don’t know!”

“You’re leaving me! On Valentines Day!” you snapped, standing up, Tessa’s ears going back. 

“Are you serious??? That’s it?” he questioned with wide eyes. 

You glared at him, giving him an expression that only meant one thing, slipping out of the room without a word. 

Needless to say, you slept on the couch that night .

˚｡⋆୨୧˚˚୨୧⋆｡˚

Friday. The day before Tom leaves. The day before Valentine’s day. 

And as always, you woke up before Tom, hearing Tessa scratch at the bedroom door from the inside. You walked down the hall, turning the bedroom door handle slowly and letting Tessa out the door, but not before catching a glimpse of your sleeping boyfriend in nothing but boxers, holding onto your pillow as he slept. 

Thats when the idea popped into your head. You were going to make a lovely Valentine’s day themed breakfast. For yourself.

If there was any way to get Tom back, it was with food, your food more specifically. 

You immediately got to work, prepping the veggies for the omelette, mixing the batter for waffles, and washing the strawberries, planning on using them for a garnish.

You worked for a good hour, almost everything done, the last thing being cutting the strawberries when you suddenly heard the bedroom door open. 

Tom walked out, his curly hair all a mess on top of his head, purposefully not wearing anything except for his Calvin’s, and you shamelessly checked him out, in hopes that would get him going. 

Before he got too close, you whipped back around and began slicing in the berries in front of you. Just like he did the many mornings ago, he let his arms wrap around you right before you felt him leave a small peck below your earlobe, and you had to bite back a smile. 

“Good morning, darling.”

Fuck. His morning voice. It was rough, deep, and gravely, making your stomach do summersaults and slick glisten between your legs. 

“Morning.” 

The sexual tension was palpable, so thick you could cut it with the knife in your hand. But you needed to stay strong. You were mad. You were still mad....

Right?

“Are those for me?” he questioned, motioning to the breakfast platter you had spread on the kitchen island, complete with a glass of OJ. 

You did a silent self-pat on the back. 

“Nope,” you smirked, before popping a strawberry in your mouth. 

His demeanor switched, “That’s it-”

You squeaked as he took the knife from your hands, throwing it into the sink before sweeping his hands across the counter, knocking the cutting board aside, roughly grabbing your hips and putting you on the counter. 

“I’ve just about had it with your attitude,” he growled, pulling his semi-hard-on out of his boxers before grabbing the back of your neck, pulling you into a messy, lustful kiss, his tongue diving in the instant that his lips touched yours, making you whimper out, trying you best to regain control of the situation but failing quickly. 

A sudden smack to your ass made you quit your pursuit of control, a whine finding it’s way out of your throat as you felt him smirk into the kiss. His tongue prodded around your mouth as you held onto him desperately. You wrapped your legs around his hips, pulling him closer, his member pressing right up against your clothed clit, daring him to do whatever he was going to do next. 

Suddenly, he picked you up off the counter, breaking the kiss and pushing you down to your knees, harshly, shoving his member against your cheek. 

“Suck. I’m not gonna ask nice again,” he grunted, and you knew that he would keep his word with this one. 

You hesitantly took him in your hands before stocking him slightly, sticking your tongue out and licking a strip from his base to his tip, before taking it in your mouth, using your tongue to tease the angry veins and ridges on the underside of his cock. 

“Oh - FUCK - you’re so fucking precious.” he hissed, his hand weaving in your hair before pulling you down on his cock, going so deep it touched the back of your throat, praying that your gag reflex was on your side. 

Suddenly he pulled you back, before pulling you all the way back onto him, tears welling up in your eyes as he repeated his movements, using your face and whispering obscenities into the air around you, harshly fucking your mouth. 

“My bratty girl, shit, you sound so much better choking on my cock,” he grunted, his pace suddenly faltering, cock twitching, signaling he was about to release. 

He looked down and his eyes widened as he caught sight of your hips moving slowly and gently. You were so cute like that, humping the air like a little bunny, Tom taking immense pride in the fact that he made you like this. 

Without another warning, you felt his cum fill the back of your throat, making you whine as you had no choice to swallow it all, knowing he wouldn’t take his cock out of your mouth until you did so. 

Tom watched tentatively for the bobbing of your throat. The one indication that you swallowed. You shivered slightly as you felt the salty substance make it’s way down your throat, and he finally, finally, pulled himself out, and you gasped for air. 

Tom admired your fucked out state, tears wetting your cheeks and your lips swollen, hair ruined from his grip. He could have you looking like that...

He used one hand to stroke and caress your cheek, the other smoothing out your hair the best he could before standing you back up, your eyes dazed as you looked at him with pleading eyes, your past angers forgotten as you were desperate for his touch. 

“Go to the bedroom, strip, lay down, ass up darling. Wait. You touch yourself and I’ll leave you there for the rest of the night, understand?” he hissed before you nodded, scampering off down the hall.

˚｡⋆୨୧˚˚୨୧⋆｡˚

 You waited on the bed as you were told, your back arched as you put your ass in the air, your head resting in your arms as you scowled slightly impatiently. It had been 5 minutes since Tom promised he’d be back, and yet there you were. 

You began to play with the sheets between you fingers as you sighed quietly to yourself. But your head propped up slightly when you heard the sound of the door swinging open, a now completely nude Tom stepping through, a small box in his hands. 

“I was going to wait until tomorrow, but now seems like a much more... fitting time,” his smile was devious as he opened the small box, pulling out a thick, bullet shaped piece of equipment. 

Right as he twisted the bottom, you heard it buzz softly, and the realization hit you like a ton a bricks: the realization that this was going to be a long night. He stalked around you like a predator trying to catch pray, and you felt the bed dip behind you, and you heard him let out a sigh of content as he looked at your completely wet pussy, courtesy of the events earlier in the kitchen. 

“Fuck, you look so pretty all wet like this for me... this is for me, right darling?” he kneaded your ass in his hands before you could answer, “Who am I kidding, of course it’s for me.”

You knew what was coming next, knowing how much Tom loved your ass, and jus as expected, you felt his tongue lick a long, rough lick from your clit to your rim, making you jolt forwards slightly. 

Soon enough you felt two of his fingers plunge inside of your pussy, making you moan sweetly into the open air of the bedroom. His movements made the coil inside you tighten and spark, your need for release becoming more and more apparent. 

But the sudden buzzing on your clit made you lose your mind, release coming sooner than expected, your cunt squeezing around Tom’s fingers like a vice as you moaned out, breathless as his pace never faltered, his speed, (if anything), increasing as your body shook. 

Even after your high was ridden out, he continued, making you gasp. 

“T-Tom, I can’t, I can’t I- AHHH!” your babbling was cut of by another sudden shock through your cunt, making you scream out in such quick pleasure. 

“Holy fuck, so wet-” Tom was in awe of your actions, and it didn’t take a genius to figure out what just happened. 

You just squirted. 

Tom wasted no time getting down there and sucking your clit harshly, his movements driving you crazy as you tried to collect your thoughts and make a complete sentence. 

He was so high on you, so drunk on your taste as he continued to taste and tease every part of your most sensitive place. 

“P-Please Tom,” you begged, shifting. 

Please what? Please keep going? Please stop?

“Please fuck me,” 

It was a soft whimper, oh so soft, but he heard it, and it drove him crazy. He sat up and positioned his newly hardened, throbbing member up to your entrance. Without a second thought, he pushed in the tip with ease. 

You silently thanked god for the slick of your cunt as he drove in farther, and to your surprise, he waited. Waited until you were ready. He knew that no matter how many times he fucked you, you would always be tighter than hell. So he waited. He always did. 

But as soon as you nodded, his demeanor flipped again like a light switch, drawing himself out and slamming himself back in. Soon enough he set a rough and punishing pace, throwing you back onto him like a rag-doll as your body went limp, letting him use you. 

You jerked when you felt him land a slap on your ass, knowing he enjoyed the way it move after he did so, before kneading the flesh, planning on repeating his actions. 

You were whimpering and keening at his movements and pants, the feeling of him pounding into you taking you over, and the only thing you could think about was him. 

Him, him, him.

Not the fact that he had to leave the following morning, or the fact that the tabloids were a nuisance. Just that fact that you were completely fucked out and it wasn’t even noon yet. 

“Shit, darling, so. Fucking. Good,” he grunted, punctuating his final words with harsh, long, hard thrusts, accompanied with slaps to your already sensative ass. 

His pace was faltering, dick twitching, his pants getting more frequent and louder. You knew he was getting close, the sight of you so out of it only spurring it on. 

“C-Cum for me, Tommy,” you whimpered, making his thrusts almost come to a full halt, “Cum inside me, please,”

Tom knew you were on the pill, and it was always for other reasons, and he usually pulled out, more as a personal preference to you. But now that you wanted him to claim you, so intimately and so passionately, his movements went from 0 to 100, before he felt himself snap. 

This of course made you plummet backwards off the cliff of ecstasy, the both of you coming together as a symphony of moans and whines and growls filled the air around you, your body feeling as if it were floating as your ears rang. 

˚｡⋆୨୧˚˚୨୧⋆｡˚

You both fucked like rabbits till noon, the both of you feeling drunk off each other’s touch, just not getting enough. You were both starved all week after all. And it took it’s toll. 

By time you two were done, your body was weak, your muscles completely spent and you heartbeat doing it’s best to settle down. You felt Tom’s arms help pull you up, laying you on your back and disappearing into the bathroom. 

When he came back, it was with a warm, wet washcloth, and be began slowly wiping up his mess, whispering praise and words of admiration while doing so. You found your eyes closing as you basked in the attention and after-glow of orgasm. He was completely in love with you, he couldn’t stop if he tried. 

Tossing the rag off the the side, you felt the area beside you dip before you were greeted with Tom’s arms, once again, finding home around your body, and you immediately leaned into his touch, laying your head softly on his chest as he played with your hair. 

The both of you enjoyed the silence. His other hand drifted up and down your arm, making goosebumps erupt in its wake, the space to think being larger than life. 

Finally, you spoke. 

“I’m sorry.” you muttered, holding him just a little bit closer. But Tom being Tom, you knew he would milk it as much as he could. 

“For?”

You sighed, embarrassed that you had to admit it out loud, “For being a bitch all week. I was just angry. It wasn’t fair to you. Ergo, I’m sorry.”

“Apology accepted. But you’re buying me coffee on the way to the airport tomorrow morning,” he insisted. 

That’s when your senses finally took in the fact that it was still light outside. The clock on your bedside table read a shocking 12:23 pm, and you let a small smirk creep across your face at the Valentine’s Day sex you were truly going to be missing out on. 

Sure, it still made you sad that he was leaving. But knowing Tom, you knew he would do something special for you, no matter how far away you were. Besides, there was hours of Facetime sex to be had, and you couldn’t wait for that. 

“Do you want lunch?” you questioned quietly, your hand gently gliding up and down Tom’s abs, which always felt like you were touching marble stone. 

“Yeah. You’re buying though,” he contested, and you smirked. 

“Nope. I’m making. I was thinking tomato soup and grilled cheese,” 

You knew it was one of Tom’s favorites, one of the few things on this planet that Tom would die for, (besides you, of course).

“That would be lovely, darling.”

˚｡⋆୨୧˚˚୨୧⋆｡˚

“I’m gonna miss the fuck outta you,” you whined, standing at the gates, your doe eyes peering up at him as you held his hands. 

“I’ll be back before you know it, love, and you can text me and call me at the end of every day. I can even fly you out to visit if you want.”

Tom was doing his best to soften the blow of him leaving; it was hard on both of you, and it was supposed to be for 2 months. 8 weeks. 56 days. You hated it. 

“Love you,” you grumbled like a child, before hugging him with all your might, trying to remember this feeling to keep you company. 

“I love you most,” he challenged, making you pull back to rest your chin on his chest before leaning up and giving him a kiss, but it turned heated quickly. 

Before it could get any more hot and heavy (because the paparazzi are VULTURES), you pulled away. 

“I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you more,” you replied. 

Suddenly the lady on the overhead speakers began to talk, “All first class passengers on flight 32-B to Atlanta, Georgia, is now boarding.”

“That’s me,” he sighed. 

Tears pricked your eyes unexpectantly, and before Tom could see them, you gave him one last, rib crushing hug. 

He pulled back with a smile, waving a wordless goodbye, walking away, but not without giving you one last look, mouthing the words:

‘Happy Valentine’s Day’

THANK YOU FOR 1K!!!!! YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING AND I LOVE YOU!!!

[atalho-s]

Light Up The Dark

Part 1 | June

pairing: bartender!tom x famous!reader

warnings: some smut +18 (in this particular chapter it’s nothing TOO explicit, but miniors be aware), swear words?, drinking, let me know if anything else!

words: 4.9 k

summary: y/n is a famous horror writer. Her books are on the lips of the people and her face is on all the magazine covers of promising young people.

She has just moved to Los Angeles, the city of celebrities and luxury, when she starts to get a writer's block as she starts writing her newest book. A way to distract herself and seek inspiration leads her to have her destiny mapped out with a simple waiter named Tom who has a delicious british accent.

What happens when her inspiration comes back only after she spends a night with him and she only manages to write after being in the company of that guy she just met? Maybe he'll become her newest addiction.

a/n: english it’s not my first language, so i’m sorry for any mistake! this is a series i started writing a while ago, i hope y’all enjoy :) the reader it’s from brazil here, but you can replace from any country you want lol And obv i’m not from LA and never been there, so if i say something out of reality it’s bc of that 😂

"June arrived at the restaurant, sat down near the bar and looked around vaguely. The strange people's faces made her think better and maybe drink a shot of tequila too.

She opened his folder with the horrifying photos of the mysterious case. She felt sick to her stomach.

People said that by then she should have been used to see this kind of thing, but that was repulsive.

She wish the nightmare she had the night before was a way to solve that puzzle, but believing in the afterlife now wouldn't help her... If...If..."

- Damn it... - Y/n slammed her fist on the table. - Writer's block sucks. - She said and took the last sip of her tea.

It s been a week since she couldn't write anything. She would write maybe two paragraphs, maybe even three if she got lucky, but she always ended up erasing it, because she always turned into something meaningless or too cliche.

Damn the time she had promised to deliver something to her editor by the end of the month. But she hadn't counted on the lack of ideas when she agreed to that.

She got up from her chair in frustration and crossed her arms, pacing, as if her creativity had gone out for a walk and she was waiting impatiently for it to come back.

Why had she agreed to write a new book in the first place? She didn't need money. Their previous four books were already making huge profits, and they were going to make a new television series based on one of them.

So why writing another one? Maybe because, she had been having too many nightmares lately. Many family and friends told her to see a psychologist, see if she didn't have some hidden trauma. But looking for a psychologist? Admitting your weaknesses and personal things to a stranger? Never. That would be horrifying.

Writing helped. Transferring his fears to pages was hers gift. When she wrote she didn't have nightmares, didn't see things, wasn't sad. It was like a drug, a calming medicine.

Maybe fame was also making her restless lately. She hated being the spotlight, being the magazine cover of promising young people. She hated to see her name highlighted. But she loved having readers, yes. She loved when someone felt good reading her books or in the good sense of the word: terrified by her stories.

At the height of her 25 years, he never thought her books would become famous at that point. She had always enjoyed writing since she was a child, but working with it was just an unattainable dream. Until, at age 19, she quit her hideous job as a hotel receptionist and decided to publish her first story.

Obviously there were many rejections, until a publisher agreed to publish their work. From then on, her books became more and more known. They called her the new horror genius, the mystery queen, and sometimes even "Stephen King's lost daughter."

She didn't think it was all that. But she accepted the descriptions gladly. No wonder her books didn't come out of the top spot on the best sellers.

Another thing that motivated her to continue with that story, was a phrase from her own idol mentioned, Stephen King: "good stories are those that stay in the head for a long time". And God only knew how that story had been with her for far too long. She always wanted to put it down on paper, so here she was trying to put into words what her head brought up as random thoughts.

But now she was having one of his first creative blocks. Obviously she had already had it with previous books, but nothing as frustrating as this one. She had been trying hard for days, which was exhausting.

She looked at the clock on the wall: 11pm. Who knows if she took another break before starting writing again? Maybe it would help to come up with more ideas.

She thought about watching a show or movie, but he wasn't in the mood. She looked at her long polka dot pajamas under her favorite warm robe and snorted. Go out? On a Thursday night? On a cold night? No way.

But what if it helped her have more writing material? Watching people on the street really helped. If June, the character in her book, was in a bar, maybe if she went to one too it would help to have something to build on.

Writers did it all the time. Describe places that already existed, situations similar to which they lived. So, it wouldn't be new. Maybe she'd even put the location in her tribute if helped she got out of her creative block.

She took a deep breath and went to take a shower. It was decided, she would go out. She put on her best jeans, a Ramones T-shirt with a leather jacket. It wasn't a fancy outfit, but she didn't intend to go somewhere fancy anyway. Her stylist would have been dying to see her now, but she didn't care one bit.

She went out pressing the bottom of the elevator. Y/n had lived on the top floor of a building for 2 months, right in downtown Los Angeles. Sometimes she didn't even know why she chose to live there, she hated the big city and what came with it: paparazzi, celebrities, crazy people who feel superior, wealth and luxury. She came from a humble family, so she always felt like an outsider.

Y/n arrived downstairs and left the condominium calling a taxi that was passing in the street just in time. She walked in and closed the door, crossing her arms, trying to ward off the cold.

- Good night miss, where are you going? - the driver asked looking at her in the rearview mirror.

- Good night... Actually I don't know, do you have any suggestions for a bar around here?- she asked looking out the window. She didn't even bother to look for suggestions for places nearby.

- Well, it depends on what you're looking for... Something luxurious or something fun? - He said and a smiled played on the corer of her mouth. Luxurious was the opposite of fun indeed.

- Something fun, of course.

- So, I suggest the new Seven Devils bar, it's less than 20 minutes from here... - he said.

- Interesting name... Could be. - She said shrugging.

- The name is kinda creepy, but the place is cozy and welcoming, I went once. - the driver said starting and entering the street that was practically empty for being a weekday.

- Cool... - Y/n said looking at the city lights through the window.

After nearly twenty minutes the taxi stopped in front of what appeared to be a small door with a security guard in front of it. The neon sign indicated the name of the place, it seemed a mysterious place for those who passed by without knowing it.

- Thanks. - Y/n said handing the driver the money.

- You're not the Y/n Y/l/n? I didn't want to say anything, but I'm a fan of you, I love your books, they help me pass the time while I wait for passengers. - the driver asked turning a little with one of the Y/n books in his hand. - Could you sign this for me?

- Sure! - Y/n spoke excitedly taking the book from his hand and leaving a message along with her signature. - Thanks for the tip of the place. Have a good night... - She said opening the door.

- No, thank you, have a good night miss. -he said and she smiled closing the door and the taxi left leaving her alone looking at the door in front of her.

She approached the security guard who wished her good night, giving her room to enter, after she showed her ID. Y/n entered a little afraid of what she would find. The door behind her closed and she looked around. It was really cozy as the taxi driver said, it had a part with several tables, which were a little empty and a bar with stools around. The place had a good atmosphere, one of those that people go there to meet and chat with friends, in the background there was a kind of pop song that she wasn't sure if she knew or not.

He slowly approached the bar and sat down on one of the stools. A woman with several tattoos appeared behind the counter and came to serve her.

- Good night! How can I serve you?- she asked with a smile.

- Good night... Hm... Maybe a martini? - Y/n said taking a look at the drinks on the shelf behind the attendant.

- Okay, I'll be back with your order, anything else?

- That's it for now, thanks. - She replied smiling and the attendant walked away.

Y/n kept looking around, watching people, maybe looking for some inspiration. Something that would turn the key in his mind. Many who were there were in groups of friends and were talking animatedly, laughing. Some young and some older, in suits and ties, perhaps coming out of work.

Until one guy in particular caught her attention. He wore the black uniform with the name of the place, with an apron tied around the waist of the same color, and was picking up some glasses from some empty tables. He had dark brown hair slicked back and eyes the same color, very expressive and large. A boy's face from the outside, but on the inside had a mysterious and confident air.

He balanced a tray full of things with an greatest skill in one hand and smiled at some people, he seemed charming because everytime he left a table he left people whispering and giggling embarrassed behind his back.

He walked over and entered the bar placing the tray behind the counter, came close to the other attendant who already had the Y/n martini ready and she could hear him talking, soon realizing he had a perfect accent.

- Sally, you can leave it to me, go take your break. Whose martini is it?- he asked taking a look around.

- Oh thank you, my feet are killing me. It's the girl over there. -she said indicating Y/n with her head and he looked at her, making Y/n realize that she was staring at him for too long, so she looked away embarrassed.

- Okay. - he said looking at where Y/n was sitting and stopped in front of her with the glass. - Good night miss, here is your order. - He spoke with a british accent. Only at that moment did Y/n realize that his accent was well loaded and God only knows how much she loved that accent.

- Oh yes, thank you very much. - She said raising her eyes to look at him and smiled then he blinked with one of his eyes and gave her one more look, before going to deliver another order to a man who was sitting a few benches away.

Y/n felt a shiver all of a sudden, that boy had made her legs a little weak and she didn't really know why. I mean, he was handsome, very handsome and he had a special charm, but it wasn't that much, was it? Maybe it was because it had been a while since she'd dated anyone. When was the last time? Two months ago? Since she had moved in she hadn't gone out with anyone, she had locked herself in her apartment and was writing like crazy. She didn't have time to go out, not even with her friends when she was working on a new book. Which brought them dissatisfaction from time to time, not just because she didn't hang around with them, but because she didn't even go out on one-night stands.

She never been the one that going out with a guy just for sex, she had to have some good first dates and maybe she would take him to see her apartment or go to his apartment. Friends of hers thought she was too old in her spirit, but what can he do? If she couldn't be bad girl once in a while. For a moment she thought, "For this english guy I would be" but shook her head away from the thoughts. She went back to analyzing him, dammit why did he have to be so fit? She could see that the T-shirt he was wearing highlighted his muscles that were only left to her imagination, she found herself biting her lip a bit and snatching her martini off the counter, taking a big sip.

The attendant approached again, drying some glasses with a towel, and took one more look in her direction where she looked away quickly making him smirk. He stopped in front of her again, bracing her arms on the counter, making her swallow hard. He didn't know why she was so nervous, he was just a guy, no biggie.

- I like the shirt. - He pointed with a smile, which made her think he had a beautiful and endearing smile. She looked down and then looked at him smiling too.

- Thank you... Ramones is everything... - she said and drank the last sip of her drink placing the empty glass in front of her right after. - Can you serve one more?

- Sure...- he said, still smiling, took the bottle and filled his glass again. - Trying to distract yourself on a thursday night?

- Yeah... you could say yes... - she said taking another sip. - Have you worked here for a long time?

- In fact, it's been almost six months since I moved to the United States and I've been working here for four months. -he said putting the towel that was in his hand on his shoulder.

- Hm... You're from London?

- I am, wow how did you find out? - he asked raising an eyebrow playfully and she smiled.

- Yeah, your accent really doesn't give out anything ... - she said and he gave a low laugh making her have more goose bumps.

- You also have a different accent, have you lived here for a long time? - he didn't know who she was, which was good. But it also wasn't like she was recognized all the time, despite her face being on magazine covers, she was still a writer, so she was only recognized by those who liked to read or who vaguely remembered her face.

- I was born in Brazil actually, but I've lived here for years, lived in another city for almost five years and now I've decided to come to Los Angeles two months ago...

- I see ... - he said organizing some drinks that were on the counter. - Do you like it here?

- More or less... It's a busy city, isn't it?

- Yeah, it's not for anyone. - He said shrugging. - I like it, I like the rush, but the glamor part really isn't me. - the attendant said and she smiled.

- You're right... I mean, I don't like the glam too much either... - She looked away at her nails.

- What do you work with? - he asked and she looked at him again.

- I'm a writer...

- Nice! What do you write? - He asked curious looking at her with attention.

- I write horror and thriller books.

- Interesting... I would never read, actually I'm not much of a reader anyway, but I wouldn't, because I'm terrified of those things. - He said crossing his arms and she laughed.

- Oh, it's not that terrifying, it's just stories. - She said leaning her elbows on the counter.

- Still, I prefer to have my good night's sleep intact. - He said and she laughed making him smile looking at her.

When she was about to say something, a customer signaled for him and he excused himself going towards the man who was furthest away.

Y/n sighed. She still didn't have any new ideas about her story, but she was entertained by that conversation. She liked not being recognized, she liked him not being interested in her books, for a moment she felt oblivious to anything, liked feeling disconnected from her world.

He returned shortly after and they started talking again. They talked about bands, movies, superficial celebrities and even politics (an important topic in Y/n's vision, who was very firm with her ideas, thankfully he had passed the test). She found out that he was the same age as her and that he moved to the US to look for something that would give him money or a perspective on life, ended up getting that job and intended to stay until he found a different area. The hours passed and they kept finding subjects to give their opinion or questions to ask each other.

- Did you go to college? - she asked after a while.

- No, I don't think I'm smart enough for that, or have the patience. What about you?

- Everyone is smart enough. I started going to business school, but I dropped out when my books started to pay off...

- Wow, your books should give you a good amount of money to be able to drop out of college and dedicate yourself to them...

- Yeah... You could say that. - She shrugged.

- You know looking at you closer like that...- he said getting a little closer and she held her breath for a moment. - I've seen you somewhere...

- Really? - She said raising her eyebrow and drinking from a straw, now with a different drink.

- I don't know, you're not strange to me... - he said putting his hand on his face thoughtfully.

- Well, I hope it's from somewhere nice. - She smiled and he smiled back looking at her. - Do you have a girlfriend or are you married? - Y/n asked and regretted a little, what was she thinking? He wasn't married, as he didn't have a ring on his finger as she'd noticed. But what was her intention by asking that question? She didn't even know, she just knew it had escaped her.

- Neither darling. - He replied smiling a little mischievously and she felt butterflies with the way he called her by that nickname and with that accent. - How about you?

- Neither ... - She replied avoiding looking at him, those eyes hypnotized her and she didn't like to feel at his mercy of a guy she had just met. She took the cell phone disguising but paid attention to the time. - My God, it's already 2:00 in the morning! I completely missed the time.

- I think the company ended up distracting you. - He said still not taking his eyes off her and she felt her cheeks heat up.

- Yeah, the chat was really good... But I have to go... - she said getting up.

- If you wait I can take you home, I'm already leaving, the bar is already closing. - he said and Y/n looked around seeing that some waiters were already collecting some things from the tables.

She thought for a moment, take a ride home with him? It didn't make sense, she had just met him, but at the same time she had enjoyed talking to him so much. He didn't seem like a bad person, but even so you would never know for sure. At the same time she never took any chances, why not let that pretty boy take her home? Finally, she thought: you know what? Screw this.

-Erm, ok...- She shrugged. - I'll go to the cashier to pay and wait for you outside?

- No need to pay darling, it's on me. - He spoke winking and she smiled.

- Oh no, I'll pay no problem...

- Your company has paid off your debt, it's ok. - He replied and she took a deep breath rolling her eyes.

- If you insist...- she said giving up.

He came out from behind the counter and motioned for her to follow him, arriving at the front door where the security was.

- Tuwaine, you can let her pass, it's on me. - He told the big guy and he looked at the english man, sawing his eyes suspiciously and smiling right away. Making Y/n laugh inside.

- Meet you outside? It will only take a few minutes - the attendant said and she nodded, leaving in the cold night.

She leaned against the door with her thoughts. She had come here just to get inspiration and to have her creative back, but she was coming home with an english guy. She didn't even recognize herself anymore, but to say she wasn't anxious (in a good way) was a lie.

She was lost in her thought, until minutes later he came out wearing a denim jacket, which made him look even more handsome.

- Let's go? - He said and she followed him to an old car parked right in front of the bar.

He opened the door for her to get in and she thanked him by sitting in the passenger seat, pulling on her seat belt as he closed the door. He sat down next to her right away, also putting on his belt.

- Hey, before we go: I didn't ask for your name! If you're going to take me home at least I have to know that- she asked realizing that she didn't even know that yet and he looked towards her smiling.

- Tom Holland. - He said stretching his hand. - Nice to meet you.

- Y/n Y/l/n- she said, squeezing his hand. And you can't deny that she felt butterflies in her stomach as she felt her skin on hers.

- Your name is not strange to me, I must have read it in one of your books in some shop window. - He said starting and leaving with the car.

- Yeah, who knows ... - she said and he turned on the radio leaving the volume low.

They were exchanging a few words until she indicated that they had arrived at the building where she lived. Tom parked and looked up in a daze.

- Wow, you really have money... - he said and she took off her belt turning towards him.

- A little bit...- she replied crossing her arms. - Well, thank you so much for the ride...

- You're welcome darling. - He said turning his eyes to her. Again that nickname that sounded perfect on his lips.

She turned around, but when she was about to open the door, she turned back to Tom, who was leaning with one hand on the steering wheel and watching her with attention. The next words escaped her again and she was afraid she'd regret it.

- Tom, do you want to come in? - She spoke still holding the door and the boy smiled.

- Sure ... - he said taking the key from the ignition and she shook her head slightly leaving.

He followed her and they entered the building. Tom looked at everything admired which made Y/n smile a little to herself. They entered the elevator and she pressed the penthouse button causing him to raise an eyebrow.

- You really must be a great writer. - he said and she laughed.

He leaned his back against the elevator wall, putting his hands in his pocket and looking her up and down, making her shy. He kept looking at her and it was making her nervous.

They were silent until the elevator opened after a while and they got out. Y/n put a password on the door and it swung open with a small click, she took held the latch and motioned for Tom to enter.

After the two of them entered she closed the door again behind her and watched Tom standing further on, looking around.

- Nice apartment...- he finally said.

- Thank you... - She leaned against the table at the entrance. She didn't know what to do next, maybe it had been a bad idea to bring him here. Why was she so impulsive that night? -Tom, I don't know why I invite you in, sorry...-she said a little nervous looking at her feet. He turned towards her, approaching and stopping in front of her.

- Are you sure you don't know? - He asked and she raised her head, seeing those brown eyes. She bit her bottom lip watching him closely. Damn he knew how to hypnotize her. He took another step and placed a hand on either side of her on the table, cornering her - Your body says otherwise, love... - he said softly feeling her breath hitch slowly and approaching his face to hers, alternating the look of your eyes to her lips. Y/n found another nickname that was perfect when he say.

He finally closed the distance by pressing his lips to hers. His lips were soft and warm, as if they were meant to be kissed. She returned the kiss willingly and when she laced her fingers in his neck, he licked her lower lip slowly asking for passage in which she opened them letting his tongue explore her mouth.

His hands gripped her waist and roamed her body greedily. As he kissed her, he caught her from behind her legs and sat her down on the entrance table, biting her bottom lip shortly after, provoking a low moan from her. He smiled against her lips and trailed kisses to her neck, attacking her skin with desire, making her throw her head back a little.

She grabbed his hair and pulled him back so she could kiss him. Which he gladly reciprocate. His kiss was urgent, but without being rude, he tasted like mint, making her want him even more.

His fingers found the button of her pants and he undid them quickly pulling them out, tossing them aside. When he came back he took her calf and kissed her leg up to her thighs, making her sigh. He moved up the kisses until he caught the hem of her shirt and pulled it up a little, kissing her stomach as well. Y/n didn't know what to do but feel goose bumps with every touch he gave. He then hiked up her shirt and she lifted her arms where he pulled her off, tossing along with her pants that were also on the floor.

She was just wearing her underwear in front of him, it made her a little excited and embarrassed at the same time, but the way he looked at her made her feel confident. He went back to kissing her body, this time kissing each covered breast in turn and reaching for the back of her bra and opening it. She helped him out tosiing to the side and he stood between her legs just watching her for a second, making her feel her cheeks heat up.

- Perfect... - he said with a low voice, as it was for himself and bent down to her breasts kissing each one of her nipples and then sucking them deliciously. Y/n moaned and bit her lip to keep her moans from getting louder, tangling her fingers in his hair again. He looked into her eyes for a few seconds and smiled slightly lowering his kisses to where she wanted him most.

He reached the hem of her panties and pulled them out slowly, kneeling between her legs and she looked at him with expectation. He returned the look and gave that smirk again.

- Look at you darling.... - That damn nickname. - Extremely wet and I haven't even touched you yet... - he said approaching and devouring her right away making her throw her head back with pleasure, biting her lips again to not sound so pathetic with her moans that insisted in wanting get out. - Oh, please don't drown out those wonderful sounds you make, I want to hear how good I'm making you feel. - He said in a husky tone, returning to his task after and she parted her lips letting her moans spread through the apartment.

****************************************************************************************

Y/n woke up the other day in her bed. She didn't even know how she got there, she just had flashes of the night before and how good she felt in each moment. She stretched and looked to the side seeing she was alone. She got up and put on a robe who was on the side of the bed.

After going to the bathroom and doing her morning hygiene routine she walked around the apartment looking around to see if Tom was somewhere else in the house, but found nothing. Which was understandable, it wasn't like she expected him to stay there and have breakfast with her and all.

She arrived in the kitchen and made black coffee and lean against the countertop. What that simple waiter had done to her was ridiculous, in a good sense, she felt great and kept remembering that accent that was stuck in her mind. He had consumed her in a way she had never imagined it she could be.

Taking a deep breath she set down turning her notebook on. Then opened her book and started writing.

[saltedpeppermintmocha]

how sweet it is (to be loved by you) - todoroki x reader [chapter 2/8]

Summary:

You are the head baker and owner of a struggling bakery. When pro hero Creati comes in for a wedding cake, of course you accept.

As a business owner, you are excited about the boom in profits resulting from the publicity of working a hero wedding.

As a baker, you are ecstatic to work on an extravagant cake - your most ambitious one to date.

As a woman, you are terrified as you begin to grow feelings for the one person you REALLY cant: the groom.

NOTES: NO infidelity, NO cheating, NO divorce!

Chapter One

MATURE : MINORS DO NOT INTERACT // 18+

Four Months Before the Wedding

“Hello.”

His voice is deep and his words soft-spoken. He politely kicks his winter boots against the mat at the front door and takes another step into the bakery. The movement causes flakes of snow to detach from his hair and flutter to the ground around him. It’s almost magical, like a scene from a fairytale. Wow. You can’t help but stare.

The man is tall -more so than you’d thought from the rare interview you’ve seen of him- and impeccably well dressed. His expensive-looking navy coat is long and chic, somehow managing to fit both his smaller waist and powerful shoulders. It’s probably tailored. You idly think of your coat hanging in the back: an item you’ve had for about five years now that definitely looks its age. What wouldn’t you give to be one of these rich people that for some reason seem to be visiting your bakery recently.

That thought brings you back to reality. Right. Pro hero Shouto is in your bakery.

Why is he in your bakery?

It slowly dawns on you. Rich people. The wedding. “Oh, you must be here for the cake.”

“I am.” He nods, looking around the little front area. You feel a little self-conscious, hoping that everything he sees is up to his standards. “Forgive me, were you about to close?”

“No no!” You wave your hands as he turns to look at you. “It’s okay! This actually works better, we can discuss everything without being interrupted.” Walking over to the door, you flip the sign over to ‘closed’ and gesture towards the seating area. “Please take a seat. I’ll go grab my stuff and be right back.”

Turning on your heel, you head for the back room without another look back at the hero. Instead of going straight for your wedding binder and notebooks, you lean against the nearest wall and place your head in your hands.

Oh my god. Shouto Todoroki is the groom.

Somehow, this wedding is an even bigger deal than you thought. Obviously, any hero wedding became an important event, but you had thought (hoped, even) that maybe Creati was marrying a civilian or a lesser-ranked hero. The wedding would still be a big deal, but you were confident in your ability to handle it. Shouto Todoroki, a beloved hero in the top 15, is definitely not what you were expecting. This wedding is bound to be huge in a way that you definitely had not prepared for.

The hero profession is a solitary one. Pro heroes rarely date, and if they do it is a very secretive affair. It is extremely dangerous to date a hero and those brave enough to try become an instant target for villains. This target only gets bigger the higher the hero’s rank is, and most top heroes don’t even try.

Thinking about it, you can’t really think of any of the top 10 heroes other than Creati (apparently) who are in a relationship. Sure, there were rumors about the number six hero Deku and the number twenty-four hero Uravity, and Endeavor must have had someone if he has kids but-

Oh.

Oh no.

Oh no no no.

Todoroki is, well, a Todoroki . He is Endeavor’s son. The terrifying number one hero will probably be at this wedding. The number one hero will probably eat your cake. And if it’s both Todoroki and Yaoyorozu’s wedding, you can bet that a bunch of other big-name heroes will be there as well. Your vision swims as pressure pushes on your shoulders. How can you even begin to deliver a cake up to this caliber? You might be good, but you’re just one person.

You’re going to need to block off more days.

After what is probably a suspiciously long pause, you manage to calm yourself down enough to push off the wall to grab your binder and notebook. You pause before heading out to the front area, taking a deep breath to steel yourself before walking out.

Todoroki has found a small table near the window. He has partially turned away from you, face resting on his palm as he looks out to the snowy street. He has taken off his scarf and coat, both draped carefully over the back of his chair. How does he manage to look so elegant while doing something so normal?

You pinch your thigh. Stop it. You can’t think this way about him. You have to be professional. He is a client. He is a married man .

“Sorry for the wait!” You call out, heading over. He turns to look at you as you sit across from him, placing the binder and notebook on the table. You take this opportunity to introduce yourself properly. Up close, you find him even more handsome than before. Those dual-toned eyes are calm and watchful, and his sharp features have a symmetry to them that would not look out-of-place on a Vogue Japan photoshoot.

“Nice to meet you.” Todoroki gives a polite smile, shaking your hand when offered. It’s quite cold. “I believe Momo has already spoken to you about the general idea.”

“Yup!” You nod, taking the moment to open your notebook. “Unless things have changed, we’re still going for a five-tier cake.” Glancing up, you wait for him to nod before continuing. “What design are we thinking of?”

You look down, ready to write quick notes on whatever design has been chosen. This is the part you’ve been both excited for and dreading the most. Normally, you are extremely excited to get a design and to work to bring that design to life. You live for the expression you see on the client's face at their first look at the finished product. This time though...you’re nervous.

The design that is chosen will either make or break your next few months. If the design is easy and normal, you will be able to complete it on time with confidence. If the design is unusual and complicated, you honestly don’t know what you are going to do. This cake has to be perfect down to the smallest details, and you have to balance your time between the cake and running the store. Maybe you can hire another baker on a contract for help. Hmm.

After a few moments of no response, you look up. “I don’t know.” That normally blank face seems unsure. His mouth pulled into a small frown.

“You...don’t know.” You blink. That’s a bit weird. “Okay...I just thought that you would have a bit more input.” He is the groom, after all. You didn’t think Yaoyorozu was the kind of woman to insist that only she had input in these matters. Wait. Was that rude to say? You decide to push past it for now. “No matter, as long as we can get the full contract done for today I’ll be happy. I’ll need the design elements as soon as possible though if we want them to be completed on time. Some parts will probably need a lot of planning. Do we know the flavour or flavours yet?”

“No.”

You suck in a breath through your teeth. Calm, be calm. “ Okay. I’d like to set up a taste test of the top requested flavours, so that you can get an idea of how the cake will actually taste and make the final decisions. I’ll need to do that as soon as possible.”

“I understand.” He nods, a bit stiffly.

“Do you...have a date in mind?”

He gives you a surprised look, two-toned eyes flickering over you. “...for the wedding?”

You sit up straight. “No!” What the hell? Did he think you were propositioning the groom to his own wedding? “You obviously have a date for the wedding. For the taste test!”

“Oh.” He replies simply, not seeming to understand the absolute absurdity of his own question. “No, I will likely not be involved with that. I only came today as a favour.” A favour?

Todoroki takes note of your confused expression and explains. “They got held up by the villain attack.” Oh, that makes sense. Yaoyorozu must have gone to help the others. The U.A students tend to appear whenever possible to help each other out. You think it’s sweet that they have such a strong bond after graduation. You don’t really talk to anybody you went to school with anymore.

His explanation does give your meeting a bit more context. If Yaoyorozu is ‘in charge’ of the cake, and Todoroki did not expect to even be meeting you, you can’t really get too annoyed at him that he doesn’t have the answers. At least he showed up and didn’t leave you wondering if you’d been stood up by the heroes. In the end, you decide to table the question about the cake tasting date, but underline it in your notebook. You’ll need that, soon.

The rest of the meeting goes smoothly. The two of you go over the contract in as much detail as possible. While it is extremely unorthodox for you to leave blank spaces in your contracts, you are sort of forced to do so in the areas of flavors and design. In the end, the hero couple is paying over double the amount you would normally charge for the cake. You can’t imagine any crazy design or flavour going over that cost. Neither hero seems like the crazy type of client. You’ll be fine. Hopefully. If you’re wrong then...well...you’re kind of screwed. The publicity has to be worth it.

After only about an hour of discussion (you really don’t have too much to go over, with Todoroki knowing nothing about the design or flavours), the meeting is over. You close your notebook, stand up and offer a hand to shake to end the meeting. Todoroki stands, shaking your hand with his cooler one. He assures you that somebody will reach out to you soon about the needed elements. You hope you’re right.

“I am sorry that I kept you after hours.” He says as he gracefully slides on his coat, glancing outside. “I hope you don’t have too far to walk.”

You shake your head. “Don’t worry, I actually live upstairs.” Something flickers in his face that you can’t catch.

Then he nods. “I see.” He wraps his scarf around his head, somehow managing to look both cute and attractive. He heads towards the door, the bell chiming as he opens it. “Goodbye then.”

“Goodbye!” You smile and wave. “Be safe out there!”

You watch as he leaves, completely still until you can no longer see the red and white hair out the window. Letting out a deep breath, you sink back down into the chair.

Well, that sure was something.

----

You’re not sure exactly what prompted the suddenly quick response after so long of nothing, but some of the information you need comes the very next day.

It’s early morning. The store has just opened, you can hear the slight bustle of your loyal morning folk as they come to get their breakfast. Your morning worker -a young man named Tanaka who is almost scarily jolly in the morning- welcomes everyone with his juxtaposition of a voice: booming yet somehow soft.

You have been down at the bakery for hours now, getting the first round of bread, pastries, and other necessary items complete before opening. It’s a lot of work, but you can’t complain. At least you still have work. You have just finished a batch of your personal favourite, rosemary goat cheese croissants when your phone rings in your pocket.

Pulling your phone out of your pocket (the thing has been covered in flour before, it’ll be fine), you check the contact name.

[ Contact: C Manager ]

Your eyes widen, and you instantly accept the call. With one careful eye on your ovens, you walk over to a nearby wall and lean against it. “Hello?”

"Good morning.” The soft voice of Yaoyorozu chimes in on the other end. You straighten a bit, surprised to hear the hero directly. “My apologies for Shouto the other day. I understand he wasn’t too much help to you.”

“No no, it’s okay!” You gesture with your hands, realizing afterward that she obviously doesn’t see it. “He was really kind, and we still got some work done.”

“I see.” She hums thoughtfully on the other end of the phone. “Well, he did mention that you were getting stressed about certain elements of the cake. Is that correct?” Oh no. You hope she doesn’t think you’re being rude.

But she doesn’t sound annoyed or frustrated at you. If you had to guess, her tone sounded more amused than anything. You bite your lip before answering. “Ah, well...I don’t want to pressure anyone. I just need to get started on certain things or it won't be done in time.”

“Yes, I understand.” She responds. “I figure I can give you some of the design ideas now if that works?”

Oh, hell yes! “That would be wonderful!” You can’t help but smile. Finally. “Do you want to meet somewhere?”

“Unfortunately, no. I’m caught up in this-” She pauses as a loud sound comes through the phone. “ thing at the moment. Will you be amenable to me giving you the details over the phone?”

“Oh, yea! That’s okay.” You push off the wall and rush towards the office area, grabbing the newly named ‘Y&S Wedding’ binder with your flour-covered hands. It’s fine. You anchor the phone between your shoulder and your face and grab a pen with your other hand, opening the notebook to the ‘design’ page. “Okay, what do you got?”

The cake turns out to be pretty normal as far as wedding cakes go, which you are extremely thankful for considering everything. It is a five-tier cake, classic white with cascading pink flowers and green stems/leaves. That is...definitely doable. You can ace this. Thank god. Relief hits you hard in the chest as you write it down.

“Is there anything extra that either party would like to be added?” You ask, your tone dipping into complete professionalism as your mind has a mini-party at the relatively easy design. You doodle a happy face beside your notes.

“No, that is alright,” Yaoyorozu replies. “It was a struggle already to talk him down from some of the crazy cake designs he had in mind to something more...appropriate.” A pause. “Not that any of the ideas were bad per se, but I don’t think the wedding is the place for a giant All Might statue cake.”

Your mind-party screeches to a halt. What?!

“He...wanted an All Might cake?” You ask in disbelief. That doesn’t sound like Todoroki at all. Maybe it was a way to ‘get back’ at Endeavor? There have been plenty of rumors over the years about that relationship, but they team up enough now that most have been pushed to the side.

“Yes, well, he adores the man.” She says it with a fondness that seems almost inappropriate considering your current state.

You think of the calm prince-like man from the day before. Could he really be that big of a fanboy of a hero like All Might? It just doesn’t compute. They were so different. You really can’t picture it. Still, it’s not like you really know Todoroki. Maybe he has some secret obsession or something.

Somehow, you feel like you’ve gained some insider knowledge. The press would pay a good amount for something like this. Not that you ever would go to them, ew. Actually, would they even believe you if you did? It was so absurd.

You realize that you have disappeared into your own thoughts. A big no-no when on the phone with a client. You pull yourself back. “Thank you for the design! I will get to work right away. Do we have any idea when we can do a cake tasting? That is the last big milestone here.”

“I’m sorry.” She responds, sounding truly apologetic. “It’s...difficult between all of our busy schedules. I promise I will work to get something set up.”

Well, honestly that is all you can really ask for. You thank her for the information and her time. The two of you say your goodbyes, and hang up. For a moment you stare down at your notebook in surprise. This is not how you expected things to go. It’s early, and you have a lot to do today. You already can tell you will be partially distracted, your brain trying to figure out the specifics of the design.

You smile. In the end, finally, you have something you can work with.

------

1 Week Later

Ten minutes before closing (of course) , the bell above the door chimes. You can’t see who has walked in, your back to the door as you wipe down a table. You take a brief moment to close your eyes and breathe before turning around.

“Good evening!” Your customer service voice is normally on point -the stuff of legends really- but this time it becomes higher-pitched at the end.

Shouto Todoroki stands in your doorway. Again.

After the last meeting, you truly didn’t expect to see the man again until his wedding (maybe not even then). He didn’t seem to have any input in the cake decisions, nor did he seem to care about not having any input.

“Oh, hello again.” You smile, fighting to keep your voice steady as you shove the cloth in your apron pocket.

“Hello.” His mouth ticks up in a soft smile.

“Were we supposed to have a meeting today?” You ask, pulling your phone out of your pocket to look at the date. No, you don’t think there was a meeting scheduled. You see Todoroki shake his head in your peripheral vision. The hero politely kicks his shoes on the mat and takes a few more steps into the store. Heterochromatic eyes look around for a moment before catching on to something to your right.

“Then what can I do for you today?” You ask politely, following his line of vision to your display case. “Here for a snack?”

Those eyes look straight back at you. “I want to order another cake for the wedding.”

What?! Your heart plummets. Another cake?! This late?! When you’re already having trouble getting the specifics on the first one?!

Todoroki seems to notice your panicked expression, hands going up in a calming gesture. “Not a large cake, but one of those small specialized ones.”

Your panicked thoughts pause. Wait. “Do you mean… a groom's cake?” Please be a groom's cake. You can make a groom's cake.

He nods. “It’s a surprise.” A surprise? For Yaoyorozu?

“Uh, sure. I can do that.” You reply. “Hold on a sec.” Instead of going for your physical notebook in the back, you decide to simply bring up the note app on your phone. It’s not as professional, but it works in a pinch. “Is there a theme?”

“All Might.”

You blink slowly, mouth opening in surprise. All Might?!

The conversation with Yaoyorozu comes to the forefront of your mind. Is he...really just an All Might fanboy? That seems so wrong, somehow. You narrow your eyes at his blank expression, considering him.

“...you must really like him, huh?” You whisper.

Todoroki tilts his head a bit to the side, eyes narrowing in confusion. “He is a very good teacher.”

...is that enough to get an entire cake based off of the man?!

A long moment passes where you both stare at each other, neither seemingly sure of what to say. Eventually, as the professional you have to break the tension. “Well, okay. I can definitely do that. Groom's cakes tend to be relatively small and fun. What elements are you looking for?”

“I will leave that up to you.”

“Uh, are you sure?” That is a lot of power he is just handing you, especially when he seems to care so much about the retired number one hero.

“You are very highly recommended by the Uraraka’s.”  Do the Uraraka’s know everybody?! “I don’t really...have an eye for design either way, and as the wedding gets closer I feel like I may become too busy.”

“That makes sense.” You mumble, writing down on your notebook app. Weddings are normally difficult things to plan, and you can’t imagine the amount of stuff necessary for a large hero one. If he wants you to design the smaller cake, you can do that. Your mind is already pulling together a few ideas. Similar to the large cake, you’ll need to make this one amazing. “What budget are you thinking?”

“Is 50,000¥ enough?”

Startled, you look up. 50,000¥ was a lot for a groom's cake. You want to tell him so but said groom is no longer in your line of vision. Glancing over to your right, you find the hero looking into your display case. He seems to care very little about the amount he just mentioned (ugh, rich people) so you simply say. “Um, yeah...that’s enough.”

You walk closer to the man, wondering why he seems so interested in the unsold pastries. “You are about to close, but there are so many left.” He looks up as you get closer. “How much longer will they last?”

Stopping to stand about a foot away from the man, you also look into the display and frown. “Oh...yeah, they are probably going to be thrown out, sadly.”

“Why?” At his soft voice, you glance over at the hero. Your eyes lock with two-toned ones.

“I try to sell the leftovers at half-off the next day, but they still barely sell.” You shrug. “I try to give as much as possible to the local shelters, but it isn’t always possible.” Looking outside at the hail coming down, you know you won't make it there today.

“Do you always make too much?”

“No.” You sigh, looking back at the sad, unbought pastries. “We used to be much busier, a year or so ago, but that chain bakery opened down the street and took a lot of my customers with it. Sometimes I still find myself baking as if it’s as busy as it was a year ago, just on habit really.”

There’s a long silence. Then, “I’ll buy them.”

Your eyes widen as your head swings towards the hero. “What, all of them?!”

“Yes.” He nods.

“No no no you don’t have to do that.” You find yourself saying, hands waving uselessly in front of you. “I wasn’t trying to pressure you or anything, it’s okay. You don’t have to-”

Todoroki shakes his head. “No, I want to.”

He looks straight at you, eyes telling you that he won’t back down from this. And well, you’re really not sure why you are refusing him. Maybe it’s the worry that he thinks of you like a charity. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

The next five or so minutes are spent with you packing up every last dessert and pastry into bags. Todoroki will need to use both arms to carry them, but the man doesn’t seem concerned. You are about to put the last rosemary goat cheese croissant away when he interrupts. “Wait, can you leave that one out?”

“Oh, sure.” You reply, placing it on a napkin as you close the paper bags on the counter with a piece of tape.

Todoroki reaches forward, his hand grabbing the croissant with one hand and bringing it to his mouth. One bite, and small parts of the flaky pastry flutter to the ground. You don’t mind, it makes you happy that the croissant lasts the entire day. Also, his wide-eyed expression is adorable.

He chews a bit more and swallows. “It’s good.”

“Thank you.” You smile. “You don’t have to say that, you know. I won't be offended or anything.” Okay, a bit of a lie. You adore those croissants.

“I’m not lying.” He insists, two-toned eyes staring straight at you. “It’s really good.”

His eyes are a bit more intense than normal. You look away, your cheeks warming a bit at the complimentary words. Shit, no. Married man. Nope. Not going there, even for a second. “Well, thank you.” You even your voice and continue packing the bags, keeping your eyes away from the man.

Once done, you carefully slide the bags across the counter towards him. “Here you go. Do you need help taking them anywhere?” Your professional voice is back.

Todoroki gives you a weird look, taking the bags in his hands. The croissant he was eating is mysteriously gone, although you notice a small crumb on his cheek. You look away. “No, I will be okay.” His deep voice echoes a bit in the small room.

After a brief moment, he walks towards the doorway. “Thank you for coming!” You call out, not moving from behind the counter. It’s safer here. “I’ll get started on the groom's cake right away! If I see you again, I’ll run my ideas by you.”

“I’ll come again.” Todoroki looks back with a small nod. “I hope you have a good night.”

The hero leaves as quickly as he appeared, disappearing out of sight only moments after he exits the bakery. If you had a chair behind you, you would sink down into it. As it is, you rest your hands against the counter in exhaustion.

These heroes were taking a lot out of you. Damn.

-------

2 Weeks Later

You stare up at the imposing building ahead of you, dread pooling in your stomach. The building itself was a hotel, tall and beautiful in architecture. That doesn’t matter too much though, you’re not exactly here for the hotel. No, you are here for the fancy-as-hell restaurant at the top: Eragawa.

Even the elevator to the restaurant is fancy. Luckily you are alone in it, so you are able to stare and judge your reflection in the mirrored walls without anyone seeing you. You frown, using your free hand to try and pat some of the flour off your shirt and organize your hair a bit. It doesn’t work, you already look extremely out of place.

It’s not like you wanted to be here at this fancy restaurant in your work slacks and shirt covered in various ingredients. The day had started normally, with you planning to spend your free time getting caught up on overdue paperwork. However, a text early in the morning ruined that plan.

[ Contact: C Manager ]

C Manager: Creati will meet you at Eragawa today at 7:30 p.m for the taste test.

Truthfully, you were starting to get a bit annoyed. The manager never asked your opinion, or even if you were free at the time they wanted you to be. They would always just make plans without you. You understood that Creati must have a really busy schedule right now, but damn . Still, it’s not like you could refuse. You had been waiting for this for a while now.

You: Okay. Thank you!

So, you had spent the rest of the day busier than ever. In between baking and managerial duties, you had to make a variety of cakes and icings in different flavours. Since you didn’t have any idea of where to start, you picked the most common flavours for her to try. It was... a lot to do on your own, and not for the first time did you wish you had some sort of assistant.

By the time you had everything ready to go, you had just enough time to make it to the restaurant. Knowing how impossible it had been trying to get this cake tasting appointment in the first place, you didn’t want to risk anything by being late. You had no time to shower or even change out of your work clothes. You simply grabbed the container of cakes, threw on your old coat, and ran out the door.

Now, though, you wonder if maybe it would have been better to be a bit late. The elevator door opens on the top floor, revealing a modern-looking restaurant in dark colours. You clutch at the handle of the container and look around. Wow. Nobody here looks like they would be caught dead in anything not a designer brand.

The hostess looks you over with a critical eye as you approach, but smiles and welcomes you nonetheless. “Good evening! Welcome to Eragawa, how can I help you today?”

“Um, hello.” You smile awkwardly back. Even the hostess is dressed nicer than you, damnit. “I’m with the Yaoyorozu group?”

The hostess blinks slowly at you. “Of course. Please wait here for a moment.” She turns to disappear into the back, another host taking up her post. You shuffle to the side of the waiting area and look around. The restaurant just screams ‘posh’ with its white tablecloth and candles and napkins folded into roses. You’d bet those glasses are made from actual crystal too. Damn.

The elevator door opens again as a group of well-dressed men and women walk in. You lean into the wall, trying to make yourself invisible to the other customers. It doesn’t work, and a woman in a fancy dress looks down her nose at you as she passes. The host takes them immediately to their table. Figures.

Eventually, the hostess you were talking to returns. “Please come this way.” You notice her smile is a bit larger this time as she leads you through the dining room. Quite a few patrons give you odd looks as you walk by, clearly not used to someone covered in powder walking through the area.

The hostess leads you past the dining room to a hallway in the back. You have just enough time to wonder if you are being taken out back like some sort of mafia movie before she stops at a door. She turns and opens it, bowing low as she gestures for you to go inside.  

You walk through, eyes wide. Somehow, the private room is even more extravagant than the dining room. It’s dark and modern, like the rest of the restaurant, with giant windows overlooking the city. A beautiful crystal chandelier hangs from the tall ceiling. In the middle, two people sit at a round table. They look up as you enter.

Yaoyorozu’s eyes widen as she takes you in. You offer her a sheepish smile, before glancing at the other person. He looks at you with a carefully blank face, but you know he must be thinking something by the way those heterochromatic eyes flicker up and down over you.

Both of them are dressed beautifully. Yaoyorozu is in a gorgeous maroon dress and Todoroki in a light-blue button-down shirt and dark pants. They look properly dressed for this occasion.

Somehow, you feel even more embarrassed. Your cheeks warm a bit as you take a step into the room. “Um, hello.” You attempt a smile. “Sorry if I’m late, I just closed the bakery. Hello again, Yaoyorozu, Todoroki”

“Were you unable to get someone else to close the shop?” Yaoyorozu asks. If someone else were asking, you’d assume it was some sort of dig. Instead, she honestly just sounds concerned.

“I would if I could.” You reply, placing the cake carrier on the table. “Unfortunately, it’s just me.”

The two of them share a look that you can’t decipher. You just hope that you haven’t somehow embarrassed them. “Anyways,” You begin, trying to lighten the mood. “I come bearing the best gift of all, free cake!” Not much of a reaction there. Maybe a free cake to a rich person isn’t as great. Hm. “I’m actually glad that both of you could make it, this way we know for sure that the cake is up to your standards.”

Yaoyorozu looks at the carrier on the table. “Should we wait until after dinner?”

“Ah, I actually have food at home.” You lie, wringing your hands in your lap. There was no way you are staying here. It is too awkward. “If you like, I could leave it with you and head out? I won’t be able to stay though.”

“I see.” Todoroki replies, sharing another look with Yaoyorozu. “Then, shall we begin?”

The cake tasting goes...weirdly. While you have brought a wide variety of selection, the two come to a decision within the first three cakes. Their final decision doesn’t even come from one of your options but is rather a mix of a few they haven't tried yet. In the end, they decide on a vanilla cake with both a strawberry and matcha layer in the middle. They decide on it quickly, too.

“Do you want to try the samples I have?” You point to your cake options with strawberry and matcha. It’s a smart move. For all they know, you suck at these flavours.

However, Yaoyorozu simply shakes her head. “You are recommended by the Uraraka’s.” Her mouth ticks up as she looks over at Todoroki. “Plus, Shouto brought your desserts to the agency a few weeks ago. They were a resounding hit. I am confident in your abilities to pull this off.”

You turn to Todoroki, eyes wide. “You did?!”

He nods. Your mind blanks for a second at the implications. A bunch of heroes eating, and liking your desserts. That is really cool. Still, there is a very different matter at hand. “B-but those are pastries and desserts, not cakes.” You try to get them to see sense. The cakes are right in front of them, why are they messing about?

“It will be okay.” Yaoyorozu nods. “And, well, to be honest I do have another meeting I need to attend.”

Wait, what?

Didn’t they want to have dinner? Why is she leaving? You blink in confusion as the woman stands up. She looks over to Todoroki first, smiling, before turning to you.

“Good night you two.” She says kindly as she turns, walking out of the room with only the clicking of her heels audible. The door closes softly behind her. You stare at it for a moment, mind a whirlwind of confusion and disbelief.

“What just happened?” You turn back to look at Todoroki. The man is also wide-eyed, staring at the door.  “Uh, are you okay?”

That seems to shake him out of it. Heterochromatic eyes shift to you. “Yes.” He nods. “We should also leave.” The hero stands up, grabbing his coat from the back of his chair. It’s the same long navy one you admired the first time you met him.

“Um, okay?” You reply, confused. Oh god, you hope you haven’t done something to somehow ruin their entire night. Dread curls in your stomach as you pack the cakes back up into the carrier

Todoroki leads the way back to the elevator. Yaoyorozu is no longer in sight, probably long gone by now. The staff seems as confused as you feel as you leave, sending odd looks to each other. Your stomach tightens a bit more.

It’s only when you reach the elevator that something clicks in your head. You were dining with two heroes, who both suddenly started acting weird. Really, there is only one explanation you can think of: there’s a villain nearby.

Your heart pounds heavily as you enter the elevator, clutching the carrier tighter in your hands. If there is a villain nearby, why didn’t the heroes evacuate the restaurant? Maybe it’s not safe. Maybe they have to wait for more heroes or a hero with the right quirk?

Despite having lived in Musutafu for most of your life, you’ve never been too close to a villain attack. You have always counted yourself lucky in that way, but maybe your luck is running out. You glance over to Todoroki at your side. The hero doesn’t look any particular way, that blank mask still on his face.

The two of you exit the elevator and head out of the hotel lobby. There is a distinct lack of heroes or police outside, which surprises you. Yaoyorozu must have called for someone, right?

Todoroki leads you across the street to the nearby sidewalk. “What do you need me to do?” You whisper as you finally come to a stop. “Do you want me to call the police?”

“The police?” He looks down at you, tilting his head slightly in confusion. Then his eyes narrow. “Is something wrong?”

Is something... not wrong? You look back up at the hotel, where everything seems completely normal. There is no screaming, no fighting, nothing.  Oh.

As the panic subsides, another layer of embarrassment begins to creep in. Were you really freaking out over nothing??

“I-uh, thought that since we booked it out of there so fast, something had to be wrong.” You look away and try to explain, face warming. “Maybe like a villain or...something.”

“Ah.” He replies. “No, nothing like that.”

“Then...why did we leave?” You risk a glance back up. Todoroki is still looking down at you, expression once again soft.

“You were uncomfortable.” He replies simply.

You can’t even deny it. “So we left?”

“So we left.”

Well, damn. That’s sweet. “But...what about your dinner?”

He pauses, looking around. “Where do you want to go?"

“Uh, I have food-”

“Don't lie.” He interrupts, looking back at you. “You spent your whole day working and baking these cakes. You didn’t even have the time to change before coming here. There is no way you had time to make food.” That’s the most you’ve heard him say at once. Huh. And well, he’s right.

“I could have leftovers?” You attempt, knowing that you’ve been beaten. Your shoulders slump a bit as you consider arguing more. Who are you to be eating with a hero anyways? But...you are tired and hungry. All fight drains from your exhausted bones as you look up at him. You think about potential places as you look around. Honestly, you haven’t been to this part of town much (other than a few fancy dinner nights with your ex, but you don’t want to think about that). Todoroki waits patiently as you think.

“Well...I know one place.” You finally say. “But I’m not really sure if it’s your style.”

“It’s okay.” He shrugs. “I’m sure it's good if you like it.” Oh god. Why does he say those things? You hide your flushed face by walking away. The hero falls into step beside you, seemingly content to let you lead the way.

Walking with Todoroki at night is an ethereal experience. You know it will be a part of your dreams for years to come. Both of you are quiet, taking in the scenery as you walk. It’s cold through your thin jacket, and you shiver a bit at first. It’s a bit weird, but after a few moments, the temperature seems to rise. You put it down to scientific anomalies.

“There it is.” You point out a small stall half-hidden on the street. The two of you make your way over to the small. You keep one eye on the hero, ready to abort at the smallest sign of hesitation from the man. This is definitely not his usual scene.

When you are almost there, the man pauses. You turn, looking up to his face. “Todoroki?” The hero looks surprised, eyes wide and staring at the name of the stall.

“It’s perfect.” He responds, before starting to walk again. His pace is faster than normal, and you have to actually speed up to keep beside him.

As you finally make your way up to the soba stand, you call out. “Hey Haru!”

Haru -a middle-aged man with a bald head- looks up, smiling big when he sees you.  “Hey! I haven’t seen ya sorry face ‘round here in a while. How’ve ya been? Come ‘ere to chat with this old man?” His eyes then catch on Todoroki. “Ah, I see.” His smile ticks up into a smirk.

Your own eyes widen. “No! It’s not what you think, Haru. We’re just here to eat.”

Haru doesn’t look like he believes you but lets it go. “Havin’ the usual then?” You nod. He turns to Todoroki. “And fer you?”

“Do you have cold soba?” The hero asks, taking a seat on the stool next to you.

“Hah! Do I have cold soba?” Haru replies sarcastically. “‘Course I do!”

“Haru makes the best soba on this side of the city.” You say, looking up at Todoroki. The hero looks down at you, and his expression makes you pause. His face is soft and kind, eyes glittering with delight. He smiles.

Your stomach flutters. You push it away and smile back.

[what-a-flammable-heart]

MASTER LIST

My fics are strictly 18+ reading, and are all housed on AO3. Not all fics contain smut, but for the safety of everyone, please be aware.

Fics with smut in 1 or more chapters will be marked with a (*).

If you’re interested in being tagged on any/all fics, please send me a message and let me know!

I typically write for Tom Hiddleston and characters he’s played, as well as Chris Evan, Seb Stan and associated characters. I dabble in Billy Hargrove and Steve Harrington things as well. 

If you send in requests I might just write them, but please give me time to do them justice.

💜

TOM HIDDLESTON

The Only Heaven I’ll Be Sent To Is When I’m Alone With You*—Updates Sundays

(TOM HIDDLESTON X READER) Father Thomas Hiddleston is a good priest, satisfied with the life he'd chosen more than ten years ago. His faith wavers but there's little else in his life to keep him from God's work. Until his childhood sweetheart walks back into his church after more than ten years of staying away. You're engaged to be married, unaware that Tom is now a priest at the church you intend to be married in. When you realize, it's a struggle to keep all of your long held feelings for him at bay. Will you go through with your plans to marry your fiancé, or will you give in to the longing you've felt for Tom all these years? And in doing so, will you pull Tom down into sin with you? Chapters: (Ch. 1) (Ch. 2) ) (Ch. 3) (Ch. 4) Playlist & Moodboard

Drunk & In Love*—One Shot

(TOM HIDDLESTON X READER) Your friends convince you to stay for one drink after work, and when you see actor Tom Hiddleston looking uncomfortable with another woman, you think saving him will be the perfect exit strategy. Instead, you end up helping him escape a blind date.

B R E A T H E—One Shot

(TOM HIDDLESTON X READER)

Tom hates the dentist, so when he breaks a tooth and needs to visit the oral surgeon, it's terrifying. But as his nurse, you attend to him surprisingly gently.

LOKI

Careful Creatures

(LOKI X MATT MURDOCK) A confused Loki seeks out his friend Matt for some comfortable silence. He gets slightly more than he bargained for.

Technicolor Dreams

(LOKI X READER) The reader invades Loki's dreams literally and figuratively.

Cities to Ash*—One Shot

(LOKI X PREGNANT READER)

You’re in the last few months of your pregnancy, and doubt fills your mind—how could Loki want someone so big, who’s constantly worn out just from living? Canceled dinner plans spur a conversation about these feelings, where Loki makes it clear that nothing could ever make him stop wanting you.

Your Heart Is Like Glass*—Coming Soon

(LOKI X READER) You are a whore, bound to the Shining Pearl since the time of your birth. But a year ago a strangely handsome man with money to spare started seeking your attentions. You cannot seem to shake your affections for him, though you know his presence is always temporary.  It's temporary because he’s a prince, and when he marries he’ll no longer be able to dabble with his favorite whore. But his favorite whore has become more than that to him, and Loki desperately seeks a solution to both of your supposed prisons. Chapters: Playlist & Moodboard

ADAM (OLLA)

What You Could Have Meant To Me*—Coming Soon

(ADAM X READER) 500 years and life has not lost its light, though it dims from time to time. Vampires as a touchy breed and you avoid them for the most part, save for your old friend Adam. You meet from time to time in foreign cities, but when an exhibit at the Met reveals old letters written but never sent, you’re both drawn together again. You’ve kept your feelings for him secret for a long time. Will he be able to draw them out, or will you spend the rest of your lives never knowing the truth? Chapters: Playlist & Moodboard

Your House, My House*—In Progress Series

(ADAM X READER) It’s been six months since you and your boyfriend Adam broke up, but you’ve moved into his house after your roommates decided to move home. It’s an awkward situation, at least that's what everyone on the outside sees. But despite being broken up, Adam is still your best friend and the one person who knows you well enough to push you when you need it most. Can you two cohabitate as friends, or will the pressure of being so close change things forever?

Parts: (1)

Playlist & Moodboard

TOM HIDDLESTON CROSSOVERS

I’ll Love You In Every Life We Live*—In Progress

(CAIUS MARTIUS CORIOLANUS, ADAM, PRINCE HAL/KING HENRY V, WILLIAM BUXTON, JAMES NICHOLLS, JAMES CONRAD, JONATHAN PINE & LOKI X READER) Soulmates who meet in every life they live, they know without really knowing, that they belong together. Whether in the heat of battle or kneeling before the king; separated by time and death and other people, they always find one another. Love is the one thing they know for certain, even if they cannot be together, even if they are only together for the briefest moment. There will always be another life in which they will meet. Chapters: (Ch. 1) Playlist & Moodboard

BILLY HARGROVE

‘Cause In The Dark There Are No Strangers*—In Progress

(BILLY HARGROVE X STEVE HARRINGTON) Steve and Billy like to fight—they hate each other, except they don't, not really. A chance encounter one rainy night could change everything, but that doesn't mean they're not still the same people. Love can lift you up, but it can also tear you apart. Chapters: (Ch. 1) (Ch. 2) (Ch. 3) (Ch. 4) (Ch. 5) (Ch. 6) Playlist & Moodboard

There’s Something Inside You; It’s Hard To Explain*—In Progress

(BILLY HARGROVE X READER) Billy is a broken boy, all sharp edges and bloody knuckles. You are a quiet girl, too soft for your own good. You hate each other. (They don't hate each other.) He's so soft for her, has been since high school and after a slightly drunken night reveals some secrets neither one of them ever thought would see the light of day, they have to deal with what comes next. Chapters: (Ch. 1) (Ch. 2) Playlist & Moodboard

STEVE ROGERS

& At Once I Knew, I Was Not Magnificent*—Coming Soon

(STEVE ROGERS X JAMES BUCHANAN (BUCKY) BARNES) Gurnsey is a German occupied British isle, one that hides a dark secret. After crashing his plane and losing his copilot, James Barnes is captured and forced into labor; the same can be said for Steve Rogers, a lost British naval lieutenant. They find themselves in dire straights, the only thing holding them together—each other. Can they survive, escape even? Or will they die at the hands of their enemies? Chapters: Playlist & Moodboard

[ryuichirou]

Lord God Savior of All Ryu, I ask for but one noble request. lol i just wanna see all your AUs. Like, I always here about them in replies and stuff but I've almost never seen what they actually look like. So if you could just tag pics of them or doodle (they can be super bad 30 sec doodles too, it don't matter to me) them, I would be the happiest, most joyful little shit ever.

Anon!! Thank you for being so interested in our AUs and wanting to learn more about them. It was a very good excuse for us to go through the list of the AUs, doodle them, revisit some of the older ones, etc. So yeah, your wish is granted lol

Here’s the majority of them, we decided not to include those that we’ve barely talked about and thought out... I’ve put tags for those AUs where we have at least something posted. Most of them are something we haven’t even talked about at all and they don’t have a single sketch, but I liked drawing chibis for them way too much. Sorry, I used your ask lol

We have a general tag for our aus and specific ones for some of them, but sometimes an au from here is not tagged separately, so you might have to use this general tag...I tried to fix it, I don’t think I missed anything, so it should be ok now! ;w;

1. Space AU. It’s a story about a space expedition.. which turned out to be not exactly what everyone planned thanks to Erwin. What a commander! 

2. Tribal AU. It’s a story about Eren becoming a part of the tribe where Erwin and Levi live. 

3. Babysitter AU. Levi is a babysitter to Eren and Zeke, unfortunately for Zeke, who’s 17 and not exactly thrilled about being babied. Sometimes there’s kid Erwin too. We’ve never posted anything related to this AU, I think, and I don’t think we will. There’s another AU related to this one, but 19yo Eren from the paths (he has the memory of the manga events) keeps kid Eren company as an invisible ghost, while others think that kid Eren is cursed or something.

4. SnK AU. A classical one, where Eren has dreams about the plot of SnK, but when the story stops progressing, he decides to kidnap Levi to make the plot go on. Erwin finds out later... and keeps Levi in the basement because he wants to know the ending too lmao plus it’s hot.

5. Mines AU. Erwin gathered a team for his wonderful plan to find a treasure, but it’s not like the rest of the team needs to know where they’re really going. Zeke’s particularly terrified to find that out. Despite its name, they spend the majority of time in the forest. Also, there’s a timeskip of 11 years. 

6. AU with Neetwin who’s a history teacher. We don’t tag this one though, it’s not like it’s our AU. So now it’s a Neetwin tag, although one of the drawings is with adult Levi... eh, who cares. 

7. CC AU (cleaning company). Levi works in a cleaning company and cleans up Neetwin and hobo Eren’s apts. They need a lot of work. Yes, they make their apts even dirtier to make Levi spend more time there. 

8. Prison AU. Damn this one is good... we came up with it before reading the timeskip in the manga, so Eren’s appearance doesn’t really match his age, he’s 17 lol Levi is a mafia member who goes to prison because he need to kill one of the inmates (who later became Zeke) on Erwin’s (Levi’s boss) request. Eren’s his personal guard, although Eren works as a regular guard too.

9. King Kong AU. It’s an AU where the Beast Titan is King Kong lmao Zeke is having fun killing dinosaurs... Levi, not so much. Thank Erwin for his wonderful plan of going to this island.

10. Rus AU, basically just characters living in Russia. Because ofc we will have this type of a setting... Damn, I thought we drew this one more often, huh. 

11. Sea AU. Mainly our modern AU, we use it as a base for other modern stuff for the most part. Levi’s getting two boifrond rings, he lives with Erwin, Eren visits them often, Zeke bitches a lot, fun times with and without Zeke, stuff like that. There’s also a subplot (11.5) where Eren gets “kidnapped” by a witch, so Zevi have to find him and bring him back. Titans exist in this AU, Eren and Zeke are titans, and all of them have military training, but Erwin and Levi retired some time ago. We don’t have a tag for just a modern setting, though. 

12. Cult AU. Eren lives on a farm and has a whole village of his followers. He also has cursed animals... and I think we’ve told about some of the plot points in replies. Erwin’s really into all this cult stuff because it affects reality for real, so he asks Levi to follow rituals, although Levi came to ask Eren to go back to normal life and finish the fucking school. 

13. Serial killer AU. Eren’s a serial killer, duh. Never posted anything with this one, unfortunately, but Eren got disappointed in the police when he was a child, so he decided to fix the situation himself, while Erwin and Levi, as a part of a special department, investigate his “fixing”. It also has a time skip. I really need to redraw at least one sketch...

14. Hospital AU. Levi gets into Marley trying to make Eren go back, but it’s not that simple because Eren doesn’t want to lol Basically canonverse with this small change.

15. Hobo AU. Eren and Levi are hobos, Zeke wants his brother to stop living under a fucking bridge. Later Erwin takes both of them under his roof because he really likes Levi, but he can’t leave Eren alone.

16. Doggies AU. AU where Eren’s a wolf and Erwin’s a doggo. Levi got Erwin because he was a retiring trained dog and sniffed enough drugs in his life, and Eren... his “owner” found him on the streets and lied to Levi about Eren being a dog. Later Eren turned into a magnificent beast and now he doesn’t want to leave. There’s also Zeke, but he belongs to Xavier. 

17. AU where Eren wants to become a mangaka. The first post is self-explanatory, although I’d probably make some changes now if I cared enough. There’s also a time skip where Eren ditched his manga and became hobo!Eren. His editor was pissed lol 

18. Scolopendra Eren AU. You know the drill, and I’ve talked about the plot in some of the replies. 

This post doesn’t show up on the tag for some reason.

19. Ghost Eren AU. I should’ve named it combini AU... Anyway, I’ve talked about this one a lot, although poor Erwin gets neglected a little bit lol it’s hard to compete with a ghost when you’re just a mere stalker... but a very invested one. Eren likes Erwin here, they’re vibing on the same malicious-towards-Levi wave. 

20. Shark Eren AU. It’s just for us for funs, Eren’s a shark, and Levi’s there to help him fight depression. Eren later escapes into the sea.

21. Midsommar AU. Levi and Erwin get an invite to go to the village from Yelena, Eren’s a part of a cult who is kinda attracted to one of the newcomers... Such a good movie, we need to draw them properly. Both Yeagerists and Eldians are a part of the cult, they don’t have any specific rules by which I categorised them... Although not all characters are present, and some of them (Jean, I think) are newcomers who will join the cult later. Sorry, I don’t remember much. 

22. Silent Hill AU. It started with Erwin peeking into Levi’s apartment, but now there’s Eren too... We haven’t thought out this one, I’m bad with Silent Hill AUs for some reason. 

23. House Eren AU. Eren’s a house, and we’ve explained how it works too, so just check out the tag. Levi actually lives there with Erwin, but I don’t remember if we’ve mentioned it or decided to skip this info. 

24. Eren pack AU. It’s an AU where Erens of all ages (6 of them, I believe) are a little bit feral, and they have wolf ears and tails, and they live in a specific place and Levi visits them every day and takes care of them. They love Levi. Here’s the only post that survived, and here’s a link for a twitter post which I never got back on tumblr after it got deleted. 

25. Trailer AU. The story is about Levi who has to live with Zeke for a month as his slave because Erwin lost him in a game of cards lol To be fair, Erwin lost a lot of money and their whole flat, and Zeke gave them a choice between that and Levi (he’s horny ok), and Levi agreed. Zeke even put Levi on a chain, although Levi doesn’t even try to escape...

26. Flower shop AU. Eren’s a plant, and he brings death to the whole planet. He keeps Levi alive though, as a treat for himself. We’ve explained some of the stuff in the replies. 

27. Blair Witch AU. It’s pretty much explained in this post, and if you saw the movie, there’s nothing for me to tell you. Everything that’s different from it is in the post lol 

28. Corpse AU. Eren’s a corpse, Levi’s a pathologist who works on difficult and mysterious cases alongside the police. Eren later comes to life along with a couple of other bodies...

29. Antichrist AU. Zevi adopt baby Eren, but Eren’s a fucking satan. He loves Levi, but Zeke... not so much. Zeke loves Eren to death, though. Eren would love to organise that, but first he needs to grow up a little bit. It doesn’t mean that he won’t torture his parents during his journey. And everyone else who interact with them.

30. This one doesn’t have a title, but it’s an AU where kid Eren went missing, and Levi goes into the forest to find him. Levi owns Erwin who’s a good doggo and helps him find Eren. It turns out Eren killed two adult dudes, and he has paths!Eren telling him what to do and how to do it... Paths!Eren has the memory of the canonverse.

31. Zombie apocalypse AU. There’s only one drawing with it though, but basically Levi builds himself a wonderful place to survive the apocalypse, and he keeps Zombie Erwin in the basement in hopes of Hange finding a cure. Then Eren joins just because he can and because Levi’s very awesome. Eren has a boner for the apocalypse and enjoys every second of it. 

32. No title, but Eren was casted away from the canon universe for the rumbling, and now he’s a mythological giant wolf who lives in a deep very old forest. He was very surprised to find out Levi exists in this universe... So he kidnapped him ❤️

33. Halloween AU. You’ve seen this one, it’s a story where Jean, Connie, Sasha and Eren get into the wrong house and find a ritual instead of a Halloween party... So after saving the child who, as it turns out, is not really a victim, they decide to ditch him at Eruri’s place.

34. Okusan AU. Levi’s a housewife, Erwin is a cuckold who’s really into adultery. He invites both Zeke and Eren from time to time to act as Levi’s husbands, and they (Levi and Erwin) almost get caught because the “husband” suddenly came home... Sorry, we’ve read too many doujinshis lol

35. Island AU. Erwin loves sending Levi to dangerous places to get souvenirs for himself, and now it’s time for Levi to get a crystal from a very isolated island full of strict rules in terms of interacting with outsiders. We have a cool idea for a two part drawing (like with our flower shop au), but it’ll take us ages to complete anything at this rate... I have like two sketches on Patreon for now, but damn this AU has so many cool visuals we wanna draw... It’s another cult AU with people living on Paradis (more like one village in the middle of the island), isolated from the rest of the world. They don’t welcome strangers, and Levi has three months to find and steal that crystal, although it’s not that simple.

36. Erewan. Not exactly a full AU, but Erewan’s a cursed animal plushie who kills people and loves Levi a lot. 

37. Cat AU. Everyone’s a cat (duh). Not really our AU, but it has its own tag, and it’s only asks. 

38. Tiny founder Eren AU?? Again, not really our AU, but now it has its own tag. 

I’ve also found the reply where I talk about how characters’ relationships work in some of the AUs, you can check it out too. I thought it was fitting for a master post. 

[baoshan-sanren]

Chapter 40

of the wwx emperor au I’m thinking of calling Fuck the Canon: Happy Endings For Everyone

Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 Part 1 | Chapter 8 Part 2 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 Part 1 | Chapter 15 Part 2 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Chapter 18 | Chapter 19 | Chapter 20 | Chapter 21 | Chapter 22 Part 1 | Chapter 22 Part 2 | Chapter 23 | Chapter 24 | Chapter 25 | Chapter 26 | Chapter 27 | Chapter 28 | Chapter 29 | Chapter 30 | Chapter 31 | Chapter 32 | Chapter 33 | Chapter 34 | Chapter 35 | Chapter 36 | Chapter 37 | Chapter 38 | Chapter 39

Uncle does not speak for a long time.

This heavy, disappointed silence is new, and yet not new. If WangJi is to be perfectly honest with himself, he is accustomed to being the cause of his uncle’s disappointed silences, or at the very least, he is accustomed to bearing partial responsibility. WangJi does not remember a single instance when this silence was solely turned on XiChen. Everything about it is odd and discomforting. WangJi feels helpless in the face of it, not sure how to offer XiChen his support, or if XiChen would even appreciate such an intrusion.

He had returned from his meeting with the Emperor fully expecting to be the main instigator of uncle’s displeasure. Requesting the permission to marry the Emperor, a person uncle clearly disapproves of, had seemed more than a sufficient cause for one of uncle’s disappointed silences. WangJi is very well aware that uncle cannot, and would not, attempt to prevent WangJi from accepting this particular marriage offer. However, he did expect uncle to list all the reasons why Wei Ying will make an unsuitable spouse, and all the reasons why WangJi should reconsider his decision.

Nothing of such nature has occurred. Instead, it is XiChen who is bearing the brunt of uncle’s disapprobation, for reasons WangJi does not quite understand.

Sect Leader Nie, the General of the Emperor’s army, has been invited by XiChen to spend the winter at Cloud Recesses. WangJi cannot see how this could possibly constitute an unfavorable event. Establishing close ties of friendship with the Nie Sect does not seem to have any drawbacks, and Nie MingJue’s presence at Cloud Recesses can only elevate the Gusu Lan standing.

Once upon a time, Sect Leaders would compete for an invitation to Cloud Recesses, so they can spend months in seclusion or meditation. Elders of all sects, great and small, would come to seek advice from the Lan Sect Elders, and remain in talks for days on end.

Should this not be seen as a revival of the Lan Sect? As an opportunity?

“The invitation must be rescinded,” uncle finally says, his voice brooking no opposition.

XiChen, kneeling by WangJi’s side, is as distraught as WangJi has ever seen him. It is painful, watching his brother’s hands clench in the folds of his robes. WangJi wants to reach out, but he does not dare.

“I will not,” XiChen says.

There is nothing firm about his tone. Nothing forceful, nothing that implies disrespect. His voice is unsteady, some unknown emotion causing the words to waver, as if he himself is not fully certain of them, as if speaking an unfamiliar language for the first time.

WangJi sees his own shock plainly reflected on uncle’s face.

“You will not?”

“I will not,” XiChen repeats, “If the invitation must be rescinded, I-- I will spend the winter in QingHe. In the Unclean Realm.”

“You would abandon your responsibility,” uncle says, voice now angry.

“I would never,” XiChen says forcefully, his voice trembling, “He would-- he would not ask me to.”

“He would not? What does he ask for, then? Are you to play his concubine for the winter? Is the future Leader of the Lan Sect only worth warming his bed until he finds a suitable spouse?”

XiChen pales visibly. WangJi, on the other hand, feels his face light on fire.

Now that uncle’s meaning had become clear, in retrospect, WangJi supposes the cause of his displeasure should have been obvious. What other reason would the Nie Sect Leader have to spend three months in Cloud Recesses, in the middle of the winter? Certainly not so he can foster a better relationship with the Gusu Lan, a task much better suited to the warmer months.

Still, the conversation has veered into an area that feels too delicate, too personal for WangJi to take part. His need to offer XiChen silent support battles against knowledge that his presence may not be wanted, and he remains only because leaving now may make the situation worse.

“He is willing to marry me,” XiChen says, “I am the one unwilling.”

“A Sect based in Gusu cannot be led from QingHe,” uncle says coldly, “This marriage can never take place. You know this, and your answer is to subject both the seat and the title to shame and disgrace. Is this what all my lessons have amounted to? Is this the kind of man I have raised?”

The words seem to strike XiChen like a whip, rocking him in place. At no point has he lifted his head to meet uncle’s gaze, but WangJi can see his wide-eyed anguish and immediate shame, as if all those unflattering thoughts, all of his hidden self-recriminations, have just been confirmed out loud.

WangJi’s immediate fury is equally as shocking, unfolding in his chest, nauseating in its intensity. In his entire life, his anger had never shifted to uncle with such vehemence.

Uncle gets to his feet, signaling an end to the conversation, “If you do not rescind the invitation, you will enter seclusion, and remain in seclusion for the length of Nie MingJue’s stay in Cloud Recesses. You will not see him. You will not speak to him. The future Leader of the Gusu Lan Sect will not dirty his reputation under my watch. Choose wisely.”

Uncle leaves, but XiChen does not move.

Long moments pass, but XiChen does not even acknowledge the words that have been spoken. His gaze is locked on the floor in front of his knees, his fingers still clenched in the folds of his robe, his face ashen and blank.  

WangJi remains kneeling by his side, searching for any words that may give his brother comfort, and finding none.

“Why did you not tell him?” he finally asks, unable to keep silent, “Why did you not say that nothing shameful would happen. How can he assume such a thing of you?”

XiChen laughs, a sound terrifying in its proximity to a sob, “How could I promise such a thing? I would not lie.”

WangJi had thought himself embarrassed before, but now he recoils involuntarily, wishing he had said nothing. A part of him is shocked to hear such words out of his brother, who had always embodied decorum and propriety. A part of him wishes he could unhear the words for an entirely different set of reasons.

Heavens help him, he never wants to imagine Nie MingJue and his brother doing-- anything untoward.

“Do you love the Emperor, WangJi?” XiChen asks, finally lifting his head.

All of his brother’s serenity and composure have been washed away. Underneath, he looks both incredibly young and much too old, fragile and raw, as if uncle had shattered him to pieces. He makes a visible effort to pull himself back together, but WangJi can see that only some fragments remain, the rest of XiChen riddled in gaping, jagged cracks.

“I do,” WangJi says, the first time he has spoken the words out loud.

“Could you promise, to be near him every day, for months on end, and never touch him?”

WangJi feels his chest twist painfully, “I could not.”

XiChen does not look surprised by his answer. Instead, he turns his gaze to the place uncle had vacated, his expression shifting again, pain and resignation and blank acceptance passing by in a rush, each one more devastating than the last.

“Uncle is right,” XiChen says softly, “I am in the wrong.”

He rises to his feet, unsteadily, robes wrinkled where his hands had clutched them in a desperate grip.

WangJi does not ask which choice XiChen has made. He is fairly certain that he knows without having to be told.

[iamnightduchess]

There were originally two Asks for this but the draft got deleted by accident. To the two anons, I am so sorry 🙈 I also spent quite some time on it, so I had to rewrite everything all over again. But the Asks wanted to know what happens after their confession & their lives together afterwards in Hizuru, their courting process, marriage, kids & what Reiner does for a living when Mikasa ascends the imperial throne as the new Empress.

Reiner x Mikasa (ReiKasa) Canonverse AU (18+) Post-Rumbling Headcanon #18 (Pt.2) a.k.a a ficlet

A continuation to this post. Show me some ❤!

‼️Contains: mentions of PTSD‼️

Aftermath of Confession

Jean, who was also there with Annie & Armin, was very happy to see that two of his loved ones are finally embracing each other's feelings. He asks the new couple, "So, what's next?

Reiner looks into Mikasa's eyes and says, "For now, I just want to make out with the new most important woman in my life."

Annie sneakily jabs, "Get a room."

Reiner snarkily replies, "Good idea," causing Mikasa and Kiyomi both to panic before Reiner adds, "It was a joke, ladies."

"Jerk." Annie grins, as she holds her paramour's hand tight in hers. One could also see the look of pride and happiness on Armin's face, upon realizing that his sworn sister is genuinely loved by a good-hearted man, who would be her true anchor & life companion after the horrors she was forced to go through.

Reiner immediately approaches the Azumabito family matriarch and asks for her blessing and advice with the intention to officially court her kin. Kiyomi states that once Mikasa ascends the throne, the rules of Hizuru forbids the empress to marry a commoner but the spouse of a married ruler who ascends the throne will be recognized as the empress or prince consort. Thus, Kiyomi advises for their courting to proceed after the marriage, which will be held in a week.

Reiner and Mikasa, together, also talk to Jean and Armin in making it a triple wedding instead.

As soon as they return to the settlement, Reiner wastes not a second as he also looks for Levi, to get the older man's blessing as his soon-to-be wife's last living kin on her father's side.

Levi shakes his hand, albeit sternly, to which even Jean and Armin would cower in reflex, yet no one can miss the tender look in their former captain's eyes; one of a proud father when he said, "Be true. Be loyal."

Karina, Gabi and the rest of the Braun family are over the moon over the news of their immediate engagement & the family spearheads the wedding preparation together. The men go out to hunt and the women help with the simple but homely decoration as well as cooking preparations. Connie prefers to help the women and part of the reason is he's really interested in getting to know one of them; a single lady who had adopted 4 children whose parents were killed in the Rumbling.

The evening after Reiner had received Levi's blessings, Mikasa asks him out for a stroll around the settlement. Reiner also wants to spend more alone time with her. Teary-eyed, Mikasa confides in Reiner on everything that happened during the moment when she decapitated Eren's head, a truth that she has never told anyone. Not even to Armin. She told him that she placed her lips on Eren's cold dead ones to say her last farewell and that she is haunted by what she has done ever since. She is scared & terrified of what she has done and she feels she is being unfair to Reiner because of how 'broken' she is from within. Mikasa also says that she understands if Reiner wants to call off their wedding because he deserves to be happy with someone who doesn't have immense emotional baggage like she does.

Reiner, wordlessly, only holds her close in return. Mikasa almost flinches but she gradually allows the shackles inside her head go. However, she isn't able to return Reiner's physical affections as yet because of the unbearable guilt she still holds, thinking she is unworthy of Reiner's genuine love.

Reiner also confides that he has his emotional baggages himself; namely the day he tried to shoot himself in the head right before the assault in Liberio. Reiner also shares the reason why he has stopped thinking of dying, in particularly, the moment he realizes he did not want to give up on life so easily was the second he saw Mikasa's helpless face when the alliance decided to kill Eren. He accepts if Mikasa refuses to proceed with their wedding, but he would still follow her to Hizuru and be by her side - even as a friend.

At that moment, they both realize one fundamental truth: all these horrors they had to go through especially together only made them even more compatible with each other. No other man could ever understand and love Mikasa the way she is. No other woman could truly understand and love Reiner the way he is. They were both broken, emotionally weighed down but the strength they each needed was in the other all along.

Reiner and Mikasa are indeed two odd-shaped puzzle pieces who turn out to be a perfect fit after all.

That night, Reiner makes the first pledge to Mikasa way before his wedding vows: He will love her and make her happy for the rest of his life. He will never give up on her. Not even after death.

Wedding

The wedding had been a simple but a merry affair. Falco had been the ring-bearer & Gabi the flower girl.

Kiyomi had a craftsmaker from Hizuru and a blacksmith from Marley to make wedding bands from melted 3DMG blades and titan crystals for the three couples.

Kiyomi had found beautiful western-style white silk dresses in the Azumabito family's garments chest on the main ship. The brides, along with the help from Gabi, Karina and her sister, personalize the dresses according to their preferences.

Mikasa wears an ankle-length princess cut dress with tight long sleeves. She embroidered the hem with forest green trimmings (her new favorite color) and sewn gold laces and ribbons on the wrists and neck to match the color of Reiner's eyes. So as the gold teardrop stone on her silver headpiece. Reiner wore a matching white dress shirt and dark pants with a long beige overcoat, with a silver garnet tie to match the colors of his bride's beautiful eyes.

Annie wore a shin-length bell-shaped dress, with a sky blue drape silk wrap across her shoulders and sky blue hair ribbon to match the color of Armin's eyes. Armin wore a crisp beige coat with a light blue dress shirt and a matching dark blue bow tie.

Pieck, who's already 7 weeks pregnant at that time, wore a long halter bare-back dress, with a flowy dark purple ombre gradient skirt and a violet satin waistband, which matched Jean's bowtie and suit vest. He paired it with a crisp dark brown full suit.

Annie & Pieck were walked down the aisle by their respective fathers. Levi was the one who accompanied Mikasa down the wedding lane to Reiner.

Reiner was just captivated - he had tears in his eyes the moment he saw Mikasa in her wedding dress. He immediately kisses her hand when Levi gave her away.

Reiner & Mikasa's vows brought the guests to tears. Reiner vowed that he will always place Mikasa's life & needs before his and will always be with her through every second of their lives together - side-by-side, not behind her or in front of her. Mikasa vowed that Reiner will always have not only her heart but her whole life, in which their souls are bound for all eternity.

When they shared their first kiss as husband & wife, Mikasa truthfully savored & surrendered her heart to her first true love's kiss with Reiner.

Since Captain Levi was injured, it was Armin who sweetly offered his hand for Mikasa's father-daughter dance, as her sworn brother.

At the reception, Connie, being the best man to all the grooms jokingly said to the three of them, "You boys might have been married first, but I already beat you guys in being a dad," proudly proclaiming while cradling his adopted 3-month old baby girl in his arms.

Wedding Night & Courting

That eve of the wedding, Reiner had been a perfect gentleman and he wants Mikasa to know that they will always be each other's equal. He only asks her to take the lead when it comes to the physical intimacy in their shared life & they will only consummate their wedding when she is ready.

Reiner & Mikasa spent their wedding night just talking & reminiscing about their time as 104th cadets and positive memories of everyone they know until they fell asleep in each other's arms. Reiner wanted Mikasa to remember only the good memories with Eren and that night, Mikasa had a minor night terror but Reiner's embrace helped calm her down as he helped her back to sleep.

The next morning, Reiner & Mikasa spent their time helping the resident cooks in the main kitchen with breakfast. Reiner likes to sneak in quick kisses on Mikasa's forehead in between the kitchen chores & despite not being able to fully initiate physical affections towards Reiner, Mikasa have become more comfortable in accepting Reiner's physical affections without being subconsciously defensive.

They spent the next several days together by doing domestic chores around the settlement in particularly, they discovered that they both share the same enjoyment towards harvesting in the fields. Reiner loves seeing the peaceful expression on Mikasa's face underneath the sun when she's working hard at plotting soil for the vegetable roots. He never stops seeing her as the strongest, most beautiful woman in his life.

They both went on evening walks with Falco & Gabi and stargazing at night. Sometimes they would talk, sometimes they would just sit in silence while holding each other's hands. They also discussed on their near future plans in settling down in Hizuru, bringing Karina with them so they can still take care of her together.

Reiner carries her from the main walkway to their shared unit every single night, much to Armin & Annie's amusement and Mikasa's horror. But by the third night, Mikasa had become more relaxed and she leant on Reiner's sturdy shoulders, accepting his comfort naturally.

Reiner also loves giving Mikasa surprises - whether it's a wild flower, a ripe edible harvest or any interesting things that he found while he was out helping at the fields.

Reiner's honesty, diligence and romantic wooing won Mikasa's heart and the last evening before they left for Hizuru, they finally consummate their marriage. That night, he carried her all the way to bed and they never left until they woke up in the morning. Reiner spent the whole night just worshipping every inch of his wife's body and never took his eyes off hers when they made love for the first time.

Life in Hizuru

As soon as they docked in Hizuru, Reiner & Mikasa, respectively, went into an immediate intensive training to prepare them for the duties & expectations of the imperial throne. Mikasa, to prepare her as an Empress and Reiner, to prepare him as her prince consort, especially him being the first non-Hizurian blood to sit on the imperial throne.

Reiner also voluntarily enlisted with the Hizurian naval forces to learn the new ropes of being a sea military member, as oppossed to land. It wasn't long when the higher-ups took notice of his exceptional skills, natural leadership & battle experience, that he was made an Admiral in training within three months of his enlistment.

Reiner & Mikasa had to spend the first few months apart and that made the newlyweds miss each other even more.

During this temporary separation, Reiner and Mikasa had been writing love letters to each other, everyday without fail. Karina made sure that her daughter-in-law would never feel alone & she always helped Kiyomi in supporting the empress-to-be so it would not be a lonely, isolated period for Mikasa while she's being separated from Reiner.

Reiner & Mikasa were only reunited a week before their enthronement, which was held six months after they arrived in Hizuru. Everyone of their loved ones in Fort Salta's residence had been invited as the royal guests. Despite having challenging pregnancies as former female shifters, Annie and Pieck wouldn't miss the opportunity to support Mikasa & Reiner's historical day as they officially become the new age imperial monarch of the East Sea country. Pieck went into an early labor during the visit. Jean & Pieck's eldest son was born in Hizuru.

Enthronement & the royal Azumabito (Ackerman-Braun) family legacy

Mikasa's royal title is Her Imperial Highness Empress Mikasa of Azumabito.

Reiner's royal title is His Imperial Highness Reiner Braun Consort to Empress Mikasa.

The first night after Mikasa & Reiner's enthronement, they conceived the firstborn heir to the throne - His Imperial Highness Prince Ryuujin Marcel Ackerman-Braun of Azumabito. In the following years, they were also succeeded by twin princesses, Her Imperial Highness Princess Reina Mathilde Ackerman-Braun of Azumabito & Her Imperial Highness Princess Ryoko Minerva Ackerman-Braun of Azumabito and the second crown prince, His Imperial Highness Prince Ren Mathias Ackerman-Braun of Azumabito.

Mikasa will then make history as the first royal empress who had built the greatest legacy & the strongest, peaceful empire in the world. She is the global icon of world peace & female empowerment, with her husband's neverending love & support.

Reiner is known in history as not only as one of the World's heroes & Eldian consort to the Hizurian empress, but he is the first non-Hizurian naval leader who unites three major nations in the world - through his battlefield intelligence & military prowess.

Under Levi Ackerman's watchful tutelage, Reiner & Mikasa's four children (consecutively their descendants that followed after) have become existential symbol of humanity's unity through the four major bloodlines running through their veins : Hizurian, Ackerman, Marleyan & Eldian from their parents. Each child becoming successful scholars who would continue to fight for humanity in their respective chosen fields; Prince Ryuujin in military & global peace efforts, Princess Reina in women's studies, Princess Ryoko in medicine & Prince Ren in industrialism - all fortifying the legacies their parents have inspired them with growing up.

------------------

I truly had fun in working on this. Just imagining such potential future for my two beloved characters never fails to leave an everlasting warmth in my heart. Even if 139 may not promise a future for Reiner & Mikasa, I'd hope this vision would offer a much-needed comfort for my fellow RK shippers ❤🫂 xoxo

[religioused]

Queen Esther and the Orange Shirt

Esther 7:1-6, 9-10; 9:20-22 (Contemporary English Version)

The king and Haman were dining with Esther 2 and drinking wine during the second dinner, when the king again said, “Esther, what can I do for you? Just ask, and I will give you as much as half of my kingdom!”

3 Esther answered, “Your Majesty, if you really care for me and are willing to help, you can save me and my people. That’s what I really want, 4 because a reward has been promised to anyone who kills my people. Your Majesty, if we were merely going to be sold as slaves, I would not have bothered you.”

5 “Who would dare to do such a thing?” the king asked.

6 Esther replied, “That evil Haman is the one out to get us!”

Haman was terrified, as he looked at the king and the queen.

9 Then Harbona, one of the king’s personal servants, said, “Your Majesty, Haman built a tower seventy-five feet high beside his house, so he could hang Mordecai on it. And Mordecai is the very one who spoke up and saved your life.”

“Hang Haman from his own tower!” the king commanded. 10 Right away, Haman was hanged on the tower he had built to hang Mordecai, and the king calmed down.

20 Mordecai wrote down everything that had happened. Then he sent letters to the Jews everywhere in the provinces 21 and told them:

Each year you must celebrate on both the fourteenth and the fifteenth of Adar, 22 the days when we Jews defeated our enemies. Remember this month as a time when our sorrow was turned to joy, and celebration took the place of crying. Celebrate by having parties and by giving to the poor and by sharing gifts of food with each other.

The book of Esther does not mention God, prayer, or covenant,(1) and there is not even much theology in Esther.(2) The lack of religious behavior might have reduced the book’s popularity.(3) J.G. McConville, who wrote The Daily Study Bible commentary on Esther, notes that just because God is not mentioned that does not mean that Esther does not teach about God.(4)

There are times when the Bible is political. Esther is political, making the power people in the Persian Empire look bad. Subplots in Esther mock the Persian court and king.(5) The thinly disguised insults were probably enjoyed a lot by the ancient Israelites who listened to the story of Queen Esther.

McConville says Esther “is by any standards a brilliantly written story.”(6) Commentator William Neil gives us the sense that Esther might not be historical but contains enough history to feel realistic. There is enough drama and nationalism in Esther to appeal to the children of Israel.(7) Contributors to the New American Bible state one purpose of the book of Esther is the “glorification of Jewish people.”(8) One theologian considers the book of Esther to be a short novel, a novella, about Jewish people living away from their homeland.(9) While I am very uncomfortable with high levels of nationalism, members of oppressed minority groups need high levels of self-worth to thrive in the face of oppression.

The Bible is a book for the oppressed, for all the oppressed. As we remember Orange Shirt Day, I am going to say that again. The Bible is a book for all oppressed people. I am not going to tell Indigenous people what the story of Esther means to them. I will share some of what the narrative means to me.

The Israelites, who were carried off into slavery in other nations, faced oppression. The passage in the book of Esther is about an extreme act of oppression, the attempt to kill all Jewish people. We study this story on a day when we remember the oppression of Indigenous children who attended boarding schools. The Canadian Encyclopedia says an estimated 6 thousand children died at residential schools.(10)

The school day for Indigenous children started at 5:30 am when the children were expected to get up. Students were malnourished and vulnerable to tuberculosis and influenza. The teachers were generally poorly qualified, and students did not develop the skills needed to be successful when they returned to their communities or went into the larger workforce.(11) Students and parents protested the schools. A few students stole food, ran away, or set fires. Parents and political leaders protested the “harsh conditions.”(12) The students, parents, and political leaders who acted out and who protested strike me as the heroes of the Indigenous residential school era.

The impact of policies that oppressed Indigenous students in Canada continue to this day. While a few Canadians of European heritage see residential schools as an old problem and might not want to talk about it, many Indigenous people daily see the impact in the current lives of their extended families. One way that non-Indigenous people can recognize the inherent, God-given dignity of Indigenous people is to listen, with a sensitive heart, to the stories. I see that as a spiritual call, not as a political statement.

Jewish people around the world remember the story of Queen Esther, her courageous coming out, and the salvation of Jewish people. The holiday is Purim, a word that means lots.(13) The name of the Jewish holiday means lots because Haman cast lots to decide the day Jewish people should be executed. If we were naming the holiday now, we might call it lottery.

Wong Wai Ching Angela is a theologian. She was teaching at The Christian University of Hong Kong when she wrote a short commentary on the book of Esther. Angela makes the point that people in Hong Kong live between two competing sets of values, western values, and Chinese values. Those living in Hong Kong are like the Jewish people living in Persia – living with a tension between being under a colonial power and being Chinese.(14)

Indigenous people live with the tension of living as Canadians and having an Indigenous identity. While Canada is not a traditional imperial, colonial power, some of Canada’s institutions and approaches to First Nations people were developed when Canada was a colony. A few of the policies implemented regarding Indigenous people reflect Canada’s colonial history. Some members of minority groups living in Canada can relate to Esther and to the injustice Esther’s people faced.

The timing of Purim, a day when Jewish people celebrate the story of Esther, remains meaningful. Joseph Stalin was a “ruthless” dictator, who was responsible for the deaths of “millions of innocent people.”(15) He was believed to have had “bloody plans” to solve what he saw as a ‘Jewish problem’ in the Soviet Union.(16) In 1953, when the situation was seen to be a crisis, Joseph Stalin died. He died on Purim.(17)

Some of you might remember the 1990s Gulf War that took place after Iraq invaded Kuwait. For months, Sadam Hussein, Iraq's president, threatened to use SCUD missiles containing “deadly chemical gas" to ‘burn half of Israel.’(18) I suspect many Israelis braced themselves for the worst. As I recall, Israel did not suffer an enormous loss of life. According to a Wikipedia article, three Israelis were killed by missiles, and 71 additional Israelis died as an indirect result of the missiles.(19) The conflict ended on Purim.(20)

The book of Ester is a story of fear, threats, courage, coming out, salvation, and celebration. After a competition, Esther, a beautiful Jewish woman, becomes the new queen of Persia. Esther’s Jewish identity was not well known.

Jewish people fell out of favor with powerful people in Persia. Haman was an important official in Persia, so important that people were supposed to bow to him. Mordecai, a well-known Jewish man, refused to kneel or bow to Haman. Mordecai explained that he did not kneel because he was Jewish. When Haman learned this, he wanted all Jewish people killed.

Mordecai learned of the plan to kill all Jewish people. He put on sackcloth and mourned. Queen Esther, who was a closeted Jewish woman, is notified of the plot. She is asked to appeal to the king to save her people, and she does that. Her first step is to go to the king and to invite the king and Haman to dinner. At the dinner, she invites the king and Haman to a second dinner. This is where we pick up the story in today’s lectionary reading. And you might be able to understand the sense of the poetic justice or the karma of the narrative. Haman had gallows built to kill Mordecai. Haman is hanged on the gallows that he built for Mordecai.

The poetic justice surpasses a modern case of poetic justice. Robert Watson-Watt is generally considered to be the ‘father of radar.’ In the 1930s, he worked with a team that invented radar, a technology that helped detect the presence of aircraft “at any time of the day and in any weather conditions.”(21) When in Canada, Robert was reported to have been caught speeding by a constable with a radar gun. Robert told the constable, “Had I known what you were going to do with it, I would never have invented it.”(22) And if you ever received a speeding ticket, you might be secretly enjoying the irony that the one who helped invent radar got a speeding ticket because of radar.

While a quick read of Esther may give us the sense that there is nothing particularly spiritual or religious about the book, Esther speaks volumes about God’s love and priorities. The fact that the book of Esther builds up the morale and self-esteem of oppressed people says a lot about God. It tells us that God is present and active whenever oppressed people are being encouraged and built up. As people of faith, it is a holy and sacred duty to encourage and build up people, especially people who face systemic oppression. That is not a political statement; it is a spiritual statement, and it is a statement about our God.

The story of Esther takes place after a disaster. Because they were displaced and enslaved by war, there were children of Israel living in Persia. Orange Shirt Day is a reality only because of a disaster of a policy of having boarding schools to teach Indigenous children. We are in the disaster known as the COVID pandemic. During times of personal pain that may blot out the word God and prayer in the narratives of our hearts and lives, Purim speaks to us.

I am going to conclude with a quote from Rabbi Manis Friedman, as he reflects on the meaning of Purim. “God became real enough that we don’t have to refer to Him to know that He is there . . . That is a real achievement. God has become real to us. Our relationship has gotten stronger after the destruction, not weaker.”(23)

Notes

1 Wong Wai Ching Angela. “Esther.” Global Bible Commentary. (Nashville, Tennessee: Abingdon Press, 2004), 139, mentions lack of references to God, covenant, and prayer. McConville mentions a lack of references to God. J.G. McConville. The Daily Study Bible: Ezra, Nehemiah, and Esther. (Edinburgh: St. Andrew Press, 1985), 153.

2 McConville (1985), 153.

3 Angela (2004), 139.

4 McConville (1985), 153.

5 Angela (2004), 137.

6 McConville (1985), 154.

7 William Neil. William Neil's One Volume Bible Commentary. (London: Hodder and Stoughton, 1973), 219.

8 New American Bible. St. Joseph Edition. (New York: Catholic Book Pub., 1992), 500.

9 Angela (2004), 135.

10 “Residential Schools in Canada.” The Canadian Encyclopedia. n.d., 22 September 2021. <https://www.thecanadianencyclopedia.ca/en/article/residential-schools>.

11 “Residential Schools in Canada.” (2021) <https://www.thecanadianencyclopedia.ca/en/article/residential-schools>.

12 “Residential Schools in Canada.” (2021) <https://www.thecanadianencyclopedia.ca/en/article/residential-schools>.

13 “What is Purim?” Tori Avey. n.d., 09 September 2021. <https://toriavey.com/what-is-purim/>.

14 Angela (2004), 135.

15 “Purim: What is Purim?” Chabad.org. n.d., 05 September 2021.

<https://www.chabad.org/holidays/purim/article_cdo/aid/645309/jewish/What-Is-Purim.htm>.

16 “Purim: What is Purim?” (2021)

<https://www.chabad.org/holidays/purim/article_cdo/aid/645309/jewish/What-Is-Purim.htm>.

17 “Purim: What is Purim?” (2021)

<https://www.chabad.org/holidays/purim/article_cdo/aid/645309/jewish/What-Is-Purim.htm>.

18 Tzvi Jacobs. “Purim Saddam.” Chabad.org. n.d., 19 September 2021.

<https://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/39446/jewish/Purim-Saddam.htm>.

19 “1991 Iraqi Rocket Attacks on Israel.” Wikipedia. July 2021, 19 September 2021. <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1991_Iraqi_rocket_attacks_on_Israel>.

20 “Purim: What is Purim?” (2021)

<https://www.chabad.org/holidays/purim/article_cdo/aid/645309/jewish/What-Is-Purim.htm>.

21 “Watson-Watt, Sir Robert.” English Heritage. n.d., 18 September 2021. <https://www.english-history.org.uk/visit/blue-plaques/robert-watson-watt/>.

22 “Watson-Watt, Sir Robert.” (2021) <https://www.english-history.org.uk/visit/blue-plaques/robert-watson-watt/>.

23 Manis Friedman. “The Meaning of Purim in 2 Minutes.” Rabbi Manis Friedman. 08 March 2020, 25 September 2021. <https://youtu.be/kiMCYYEznfE>.

[oceanselevenism]

I've seen that most of the stories on ao3 about them are mostly canon-compliant (and I don't have anything against that tbh) but I was wondering if you have any aus that you think could fit them or that you'd like to see?

omg i have SO MANY aus!! (it got Very Long so its under a cut)

- college au! danny gets kicked out (hes on full scholarship and does Thiefly Things to cover his expenses so hes not endangered just fairly fucked up abt it) (does it count as kicked out if u only live w ur dad three months a year) in freshman year, he befriends rusty (1 year below him) in sophomore year, debbie also befriends rusty (she and danny dont talk much but shes 2 yrs below him at the same college), and when reuben comes calling for a job he thinks debbie has a boyfriend (thanks to debbie telling her dad that she does) so she fake dates rusty. who ends up joining the job. and danny is Very Jealous

- snl ripoff au! danny and rusty are the weekend-update-adjacent anchors and they get gay. i Would have this take place in la (reuben is taking A Risk producing a late night sketch comedy show on the west coast but the 11/12/however fuckin many are fantastic cast members so even though they lose revenue from the other timezones not watching as much as they watch snl or whatever, they still make BANK... but danny and rusty getting gay throws the equilibrium out of whack) BUT la sucks DICK so its happening in new york. also this way u get Ocean Sibling Banter (debbie and lou are the anchors for The Actual Weekend Update and when debbie/lou get together and also when danny/rusty get together there are so many ‘just switch out the blondes/brunettes nobody will be able to tell and we won’t have hr down our necks’ jokes)

- au where the caldwells, abt to go deep undercover on a Huge Fucking Case, have to give up custody of 6 year old linus to tess and danny. the case stretches on for twelve years and linus grows up w tess and danny (who get divorced like right after they adopt him bc tess finds out abt dannys Thiefly Activities-- he confesses to her bc he doesnt rly want to predispose the kid to said thiefly activities) and also isabel (she and rusty break up like Right Before tess and dannys wedding and its very funny; she then goes on to marry tess) parenting him (rusty isnt as much in the picture bc he doesnt feel bad at all abt stealing and tess doesnt want linus to pick up that mentality also rusty Feels Things abt danny)! then when linus is like 18 or 19 danny disappears (tess and isabel think its Thiefly Activities again and arent concerned, just disappointed, but linus is very concerned for his dad-slash-stepdad-slash-sort-of-uncle) and he tracks down rusty so they can find danny. they roadtrip across america and eventually catch up to danny, who is helping the caldwells, and the five of them take down whatever gang the caldwells were chasing. linus now has 6 parents

- au based on this post where some archaeologist finds a bunch of dannys [french person voice] Love Lettairs 2 rusty and so obviously the logical course of action is to rob the museum (which happens to be the museum that tess is curating. funny how things work out) without telling his team What Theyre Stealing. they successfully pull off the heist but turns out the letters were not among the items they stole!! danny is getting desperate. as a last-ditch attempt he calls tess and asks her to let them rob the museum. shes like Why The Fuck Would I Do That. he explains and she begrudgingly agrees. danny and livingston go break into the museum Again but rusty tails them bc dannys been acting Weird and he finds out abt the letters bc livingston sweats more whenever he tells a lie. they live happily ever after (literally, theyre immortal) the end. also even though dannys a werewolf the 11 all call him the new jersey devil (its not his fault that legend came to be ok!! he was very drunk!!)

- childhood friends au!! danny and rusty were best buds as very young kids and then the oceans had to move. flash forward 2 present day where danny and debbie r robbing a museum (theyre building a flower shop over the vault and tunneling in, the dudes in brazil who came up w it are very very clever) and guess which two people are the assistant curators (is that even a title?). guess. ill tell u its tess and rusty! danny recognizes rusty, rusty ‘does not recognize’ danny (which is valid. look at photos of child george clooney and tell me you would recognize him). the 11 demand that they use this to their advantage and so danny and rusty Sort Of Date while the rest set up for the robbery, and danny feels really bad abt it so on the day of (after everyone has gotten away, ofc, he might be a lovesick bitch but hes not a snitch) he confesses and rustys like lmao i was onto u from the start. what kind of a name is [insert alias here] anyway. then they go live a life of crime and its great

- @sanduschism came up w a fantastic au where danny pickpockets rusty and feels bad so he sends the wallet back and they strike up a Correspondence

- HOSPITAL AU!!! danny and rusty r er techs while theyre doing med school and nobody knows how they juggle their shifts w school but also rusty can do a tracheotomy in like 5 seconds and danny can tell when a person needs an mri before they even list their symptoms so nobody questions it and nobody splits them up Ever. when they eventually become surgeons, danny does cardio and rusty does neuro, and whenever they have to work together not only do they never have to say what theyre doing, they don't even have What Do U Want To Cook For Dinner convos fully out loud. tess is head nurse... she makes so many excel spreadsheets... they are ALL color coded. isabel is head er doc and nobody dares to halfass things on her watch. reuben is head hospital admin, saul is chief surgeon, basher is head of the burn unit, the malloys r the HUNKIEST nurses in town, frank does plastic surgery/ent (every patient loves him bc he is just So Calm), livingston is The IT Guy, yen does like orthopedics or physical therapy, and linus is their fav resident who they all lovingly tease 24/7. the ocean sibs r both Cardio Gods and each dominate their respective coasts. debbie is an nyc doctor and if she sees a mass gen doctor its on SIGHT. the few surgeries that she and danny collab on go so fast that the med students in the gallery Cannot tell whats happening. lou is also a plastic surgeon and she and frank r best buds. linus requests time off like 6 months in advance Every Time and everyone hates it bc then They have to be on call but he doesnt realize his Extreme Overachieverness is causing so much strife. whenever tess and danny get in an argument she colorcodes his rounds spreadsheet to be the most neon shit youve ever seen. can you tell i never fully progressed past my greys anatomy phase this one is like 93489302 lines long

- superpower au where rusty has midas touch and danny has corrosive touch and when theyre too young to have control over their powers (abilities develop throughout adolescence and the user gains control at the end of adolescence) they accidentally brush hands and are terrified they just killed each other but turns out their powers like. cancel out. so until they reach like 21 or 22 and can touch things without fucking them UP they just. hold hands all the time. bc otherwise they have to wear gloves to prevent Accidents and both of them “hate gloves” (and also love holding hands. gayasses)

- uhhh hallmark au where danny is a crime fiction writer out on some beach north of ocean city nj and rusty is his fancy nyc editor. everyone else is a thief including debbie who is just Very weirded out that her brother, who robbed boston’s institute of contemporary art at age 22 and got away with it, has decided to spend the rest of his life churning out books. he is very critically acclaimed and about half of the 11 are buds with him and use his published books as heist inspo. the other ~half of the 11 are buds with rusty, and they tell him if danny’s heists are feasible or not (they always are. scarily so.) anyway rusty and isabel break up 12 days before xmas and danny and tess break up 8 days before hanukkah so dannys heading to debbie’s place in upstate new york to mope for the holidays when A BLIZZARD HITS and he gets stranded in midtown. and he and rusty are buds but like. Email Buds. they dont hang out irl and therefore they dont let their Totally Bud-Like Feelings mess up their professional relationship. but danny is stranded and its hanukkah and he ends up crashing at rustys place for the duration of the blizzard. and then rusty ends up coming to debbies place for the rest of the holidays. and then they kiss on new years eve and debbie kicks them out bc theyre being gross

- And More! thanks for the ask, anon! sorry it got so long lol i just have Many Thoughts

[between-two-fandoms]

Who We Used To Be (Ray/Rose/Trevor)

As told by myself and @thesevenumbrellas tag teaming the whump in the 18+ JatP discord. Sev I swear we operate on the same braincell levels, we do be clowning. @bobbywilsonsupremacy  let us know what you think of this! I know you and I both hardcore ship Raybse.

Cover was created by @thesevenumbrellas​. Please don’t steal it.

This post got long so fair warning.

We wrote this in a discord server over the time span of hours so there’s some mistakes but i’m too lazy to go back and fix it all. Basically we tag teamed on a Raybse Trevor Wilson-centric whump story and can destroy a fandom with a single touch.

You’ll understand once you click the cut.

Don’t Steal Our Writing (but please reblog this to spread it around).

Trauma Time.

major whump warning

(Ren) Okay so if we're gonna be starting at 90's ot3 my children ray/bobby/Rose know that Ray is a panic bi and loves both of these humans very much with his whole ass heart.

(Ren) He takes pictures of his girlfriend and boyfriend while they’re on dates because he wants to capture the moments he was happy the most. Bobby always shed away from the camera burying his face in Rose's shoulder or leaning in for a kiss. Anyways as time goes by Ray notices Bobby's change in behavior. From being his go-happy-trauma boyf to being caught up in the music scene, often out at all hours to parties and label meetings only to come to to sleep on the couch, not even sharing the bed like he used to. It reminds Ray of the time when Bobby was grieving his boys. Ray hates it, but he loves bobby so he pushes his feelings aside to try and arrange more dates for the three of them to go on together.

(Sev) Ray waking up to only Rose in the bed and not Bobby, and it feels too cold in bed without him. So he'll try to call him, because it's 3am and he's supposed to be home and he's not. And Ray remembers what happened to Bobby's bandmates, and he can't admit it out loud but he's worried. Because what if that happens to Bobby? He knows it was a freak accident! What are the odds of it happening again?? But he can't shake that feeling when Bobby doesn't come home at night and Ray stays up all night worrying. Anyway he tries to call Bobby and Bobby doesn't answer. He'll leave loads of voicemails, trying not to be pushy because he knows Bobby doesn't respond well to that. But he's worried. He'll say "hey please call me when you get this." and then ten minutes later try again "hey just text me that you're safe okay?" He can't sleep because Bobby still isn't home. It's 5am. He has to go to work in two hours. Rose keeps telling him to go to bed but he can't.[2:58 PM]Bobby finally texts back. "I'm okay! Was playing with some friends, the gig went over time and then we went to  party." Ray wants to be angry because seriously? No phone calls because he was at a party? But he knows that'll just push Bobby away more!

(Ren) And so Ray has all of these festering emotions that boil down to worry and concern at the core but he's just so scared hes losing Bobby cause he never really had his own family to begin with and then one day when Ray comes home early from a photoshoot he can hear Bobby and Rose fighting over Bobby signing the contract that says he wrote Luke's songs but Ray just hears yelling before he even opens the door with his name thrown into the mix and then he gets even more scared because what if he loses Rose and Bobby? if he lost both of them he'd be destroyed. So he doesnt knock. He doesnt go home. Instead he walks around the city until he was supposed to go home originally and he opens the door and there's a sort of eerie silence in the air.

(Sev) Trevor’s unable to shake the feeling that something terrible will happen to Rose and Ray because he's with them. His entire family were killed in 1 night because he wasn't there with them. So at first he's clingy as fuck to Rose and Ray because what if something bad happens when he's not there? What if what if what if... But as time goes on the thinking flips. Maybe it's the music industry that's the problem. It's these weird connections in his head of if he's too successful, bad things might happen. But he can't quit music like that, he can't give up on Luke's dream. He owes his boys to become successful. So instead he distances himself from Rose and Ray. That way they won't be caught up in whatever bad thing is going to happen to him. He distances himself and he waits for it all to drop. He waits for the universe to punish him again.

(Ren) And the universe punishes Bobby when the tension between him and Rose tightens so much he knows there's no going back from it but he's not admitting to stealing the songs because he didn't. He helped Luke write all of the songs more than Alex and Reggie ever did, staying up late with Luke after fights with his mom and Bobby didn’t want Luke to be alone so yeah, he wrote the songs. Maybe not as much as he claimed but he sure as hell made sure his brother wasn’t alone so that counted for something right? And it did. Until Rose kicks him out of bed because she's pissed he'd even consider stealing music and he cant tell Ray because of the NDA the label got him to sign at a party when he was drunk and the only reason Rose knows about it is because she was there when he signed the damn thing and so Bobby pulls away from Ray because isnt it going to be easier in the long run? If he doesn’t attach himself to Ray who'll just get angry at him like Rose did?

(Sev) It's the guilt that grows inside of him every passing day. They're my songs too he tells himself over and over again. But during the dark nights, three glasses of whisky in when the world is getting hazy... even he can't believe the lies he tells himself. He fucked up Sunset Curve. He fucked up his friends' memories. And now he fucked up the only good thing he'd ever had. Ray texts him nonstop. He doesn't understand why Rose kicked Bobby out and he doesn't understand why Bobby listened. Bobby can't take Ray away from Rose. He's fucked up and a terrible person, but even he can't do that. He doesn't give Ray his new address. He refuses to meet up even for Ray to give him his stuff back. All Bobby can do is hold onto Ray's sweatshirt he stole away and a bottle of perfume the same brand Rose always wears. He cradles these things in his arms and cries.

(Ren) And that's the last he sees of Ray for all of 5 years, 20yr old puppy-dog eyed loving precious ray who Bobby would run to the second Rose says its okay. But rose never does. And then Bobby meets a cute blonde and six months later the barista shows up on his doorstep shoving Carrie into his arms calling her a bastard child. Carrie is not a bastard child Carrie is his and he loves her the second he sets eyes on her and so Bobby turns into Trevor when the new year rolls around and he starts his own album. It doesn’t do as well as Luke's his first album did but it was his. And then one day Trevor signs Carrie up for dance because Trisha from first grade made fun of her for not being able to do the splits and on the way out of the dance studio Trevor bumps into Ray, a terrified looking girl clutched to his leg. Carrie doesn't miss a beat. "Hi! I'm Carrie let's be friends!" and Carrie drags Ray's daughter off and Trevor shifts awkwardly and is suddenly 17 again but Ray's eyes still twinkle like the did when they were kids and he's still wearing eyeliner so Trevor almost missed it when a flicker of recognition crosses Ray’s face and a smile quirks at the corners of his lips and he says, "hi im Ray, thats my daughter Julie. Wanna go out for a drink?" With that same mischievous glint in his eye that made Bobby fall in love with him in the first place.

(Sev) Trevor almost stops breathing. He should say no. He knows he should say no. He's an awful person. He doesn't deserve someone like Ray. He never deserved either of them. He knows that. But can't force himself to say no. Maybe it's the twinkle in Ray's eyes. Maybe it's the soul crushing loneliness he's felt ever since he left them. Or maybe it's the way Carrie and Julie are giggling in the corner like they've known each other all their lives. He says yes. The drink ends up at a family friendly restaurant with both the girls in tow.

(Ren) Rose shows up because Ray the asshole apparently texted her while he was in the car saying he met one of Julie's friend's parents and wanted to go out on a date (keeping things pg ofc) aklsdf. And when Rose does show up Trevor sees how... sick she looks. How much paler she looked than she did all those years ago how - he still knew he loved her even if she still decided she hated him.

(Sev) The mood drops quickly. Trevor wants to ask about Rose, but not in front of the kids. Ray wants to ask about their past, but not in front of the kids. Rose... Rose who holds all the answers... doesn't know where to start first. She had never regretted not telling Ray the truth. She never wanted to change Ray's perception of Bobby like that. Ray who looked at their boyfriend as if he'd hung the moon. Ray who stayed up worrying all night until Bobby came home. Ray who held Bobby through countless nightmares... But that makes the truth staring them in the face so much harder. Because she never gave Ray the choice. She realized that a few years too late after she catches Ray staring at old pictures of Bobby in their photo albums. She'd made the choice for him. And then there's Trevor... still beautiful, staring at her with so much concern her heart breaks all over again.

(Ren) The tension doesn't fly over Carrie's head like he hoped it would, she talks to Julie about My Little Pony and Pokemon and High School Musical and their mutual hatred for Trisha from school but Carrie's hand never lets go of his and he finally plucks up the courage and stretches his arm out and says "we're vegetarian for the most part, hope that's okay." And a smile quirks at the corner of her lips and she asks "for the most part?" and Trevor nods and Carrie pipes up from her seat saying "daddy hates hot dogs,” in that blatant fact kind of way kids say things without realizing how problematic it could be. It wasn’t her fault though, Trevor has yet to tell her about her uncles, about how he was in a band, about how they were going to be legends.

(Sev) Rose and Ray both freeze at Carrie's voice. He doesn't know if the girls notice, because he's too busy trying to fight back the panic in his throat. It's been a long time since anyone had brought up ... what happened. It's easy to pretend it didn't happen when his name is Trevor and no one knows him. But these two people know him. They know him more than anyone else ever has. Even the boys. The truth hits him hard at that moment. A truth he'd been avoiding for almost two decades. Ray and Rose know him better than even he knew himself. Maybe that was why Rose had been so furious with him, or why Ray continued to chase after him even months after he moved out. Trevor hides the building panic and sudden realization with a smile. "What an I say," he said as causally as he can. "I'm a picky eater." A few hours later they end up back at the Molina's house. Bobby has no idea how it happened. -No, Trevor has no idea how it happened, he scolds himself. He's Trevor. He has to be Trevor. Trevor got him this far, Trevor made the difficult choices. Bobby was the one who got his friends kill and destroyed the best relationship he ever had. Still, it becomes harder and harder to remind himself of that. To stop himself from slipping into the comfortable shoes of Bobby, boyfriend of Ray and Rose as if the past 17 years had never happened. He finds himself on their sofa, a sofa that brings back memories both good and bad... he finds himself in a familiar home, his old studio just a short walk away, his ex's giggling in the kitchen as they make his coffee the way he's always liked it without asking for a reminder.

(Ren) Trevor can remember the day he stopped drinking the coffee Ray made for him, the morning after his first fight with Rose, when he wakes up cold because Rose basically cocooned herself around Ray's body, keeping her back turned to him and as much as he wanted to reach out to Ray, to hug him and comfort him and tell him it was all going to be okay... everything was too stuffy and too tense and deciding he just had to leave because he was going to suffocate otherwise.

(Sev) He should leave, just like last time. What was he even doing here? He should take Carrie and- Then Ray's in front of him, pushing a hot cup into is hands. "The girls are playing upstairs," he says. His voice is so calm, so understanding. "We don't have to talk if you don't want to." Trevor almost laughs. Because that's so like Ray. Almost a decade without answers and he's giving Trevor the option to ignore it all. To pretend like nothing ever happened. But he can't be that selfish again. So he shakes his head. "I'd... like to talk to you... to both of you."

(Ren) And then suddenly rose is eyeing him sus but he's been putting this off for to long and honestly fuck his label because they screwed him over one too many times for him to still even consider their relationship anything other than employee-client1[4:06 PM]and so Trevor takes a sip of Ray's coffee holy shit how did go so long without it?! and he explains it. he explains everything.

(Sev) Ray doesn't speak as Trevor explains. He never interrupts or even look surprised. His face is completely unreadable. He doesn't move until Trevor's done. And then once he is, he only stands up to start pacing the room. Trevor's oddly reminded of Alex as he does so,  and the memory is enough to make him flinch. "This... this is what you two have been hiding from me for so long?" he asked, voice brittle. "This is... this is what cost us... I mean..." But he can't finish. Ray just shakes his head, back to both Rose and Trevor.

(Ren) Suddenly he's seventeen again. Seventeen and a mess in Ray's arms burying his face into the man's chest finally feeling the weight of the world lift off of his shoulders and suddenly Rose is hugging him from behind, her too-skiny bone arms snaking around his chest and hugging him tightly threatening to never let him go saying "amour," and pressing a kiss to the back of his head, "amour we never stopped loving you."

(Sev)It's like no time has passed by the time he's done crying his eyes out. They're all huddled on a sofa that was always too small for three. Trevor's in the middle, clutching at them both as if they're going to disappear on him. Ray sits with his legs underneath them, his arms pulling the both of them into his chest. And then there's Rose, suddenly so much more delicate than Trevor remembers. She sits half on his lap, curled into them, her fingers knotted in his hair. "I can't believe you two kept this from me," Ray whispers. There's no anger. He doesn't think Ray's ever been capable of being angry. "I'm sorry," Trevor whispers, throat raw from tears. Ray answers with a firm kiss to his temple. "We wasted so much time..."

(Ren) Trevor just lays between them in their bed, nothing sexual and nothing tense it’s just them being together and Rose playing with his now-long hair, braiding it right down the middle despite it being too long for others to braid. Her fingers feel nice as they tug at his roots, familiar and a sense of calm washes over him. He lets ray fop on top of him like they used to, burying his head in his chest just listening to his heart beat, his steady constant breathing because Ray used to be afraid one day he'd wake up and Bobby would be dead too. Rose humming lightly, soft lullabies that chased away dark thoughts and Trevor just finds it so comforting, a feeling of home he hasn't had since the day he left and so he wraps his arms around Rose and Ray tight, promising himself he won't screw up his second time around.

(Sev) It's a few hours later when he speaks again. The girls are asleep in Julie's room (delighted at their surprise sleepover.) Ray's almost nodded off, head resting against Trevor's chest. But Rose is wide awake. She's laid out, tangled between them, eyes focused on something far away. He can see it more clearly now. The tremble in her hands, the way she's so still, the circles around her eyes. He takes her hand in his. "What is it?"

(Ren) And Trevor wants it to be a prank, he wants the sinking feeling in his gut twisting around his heart, the same feeling he had the morning of Sunset Curve's Orpheum performance coiling up his spine to go away. He wants everything to be okay, that he told the truth, that he was forgiven, that the universe was finally on his side for once but of course it's not because when has it ever been.  Rose's fingers run lightly over his knuckles and Ray wraps his arm around him from behind, his hands resting against Trevor's chest, something solid for him to focus on and as a tear starts to roll down Rose's cheek he reaches up to brush it away, running his hand through her hair only to pull out a clump as he pulled away but he couldn't run when his instincts to run kick in like they always used to do when situations turned emotional, bury it in his mind and lock up his worries like he always did but this wasn't going to be something he could run from.

(Sev) Life is not the fantasy or a fairy tale. There are no happy endings, only happy moments. He'd like to say they picked up right where they left off, Rose lived until a ripe old age, and they never fought again. But he'd be lying. It was hard to fold their lives back into place again, especially with Carrie and Julie. To just pick up after their seventeen year old selves was an impossible dream. But they could do breakfast. And breakfast became dinner. Dinner became one date which became two which became many. It took trouble and care, but they slotted themselves back into each other's lives again. There were lunch dates, and movie nights. There were late night wine dates and early morning coffee dates. They found their happy moments. A decade of separation had smoothed out the rough edges. If Trevor stormed out after a harsh argument, he'd return the next day with flowers and apologies. If Rose snapped and lost her temper, she'd take herself off for a walk to cool down. If Ray was bothered by something, he'd speak up instead of pushing it all down. They found their happy moments. And when 1 month became 1 year, they celebrated with moving boxes and a new, bigger couch. When 1 year became 2, they celebrated with promise rings and whispers of a better future between light kisses. 3 years became 4, became 5, and so on... They found their happy moments. But life is not a fantasy or a fairy tale. Their story ends in a hospital. Rose dies with both her husbands at her side, with both her daughters and son clutching on her hands. She dies with a smile on her face, knowing she is not leaving them to suffer alone. Ray and Trevor grieve together.

(Ren) And this time the girls are the ones who get into the fight but Trevor and Ray are there for Julie and Carrie no matter what they're fighting over carrie told julie she liked flynn but julie said flynn was hers first and doesnt understand how she can feel squishy love for two people. And this time the girls are the ones who get into the fight but Trevor and Ray are there for Julie and Carrie no matter what they're fighting over carrie told julie she liked flynn but julie said flynn was hers first and doesnt understand how she can feel squishy love for two people. They stick to their daughters through the worst of it but they don’t let the girl’s fighting rip into them too. It’s not what Rose would’ve wanted for them, it’s not what she would’ve wanted for Julie or Carrie either.

(Sev) And when Julie plays with her ghost band, it's much earlier that Trevor recognizes who she's playing with.

(Ren) Luke’s mad at first, ofc he is but after everything is explained and out in the open Trevor finds himself at home in a building that never felt like home despite the fact he grew up in it.