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stilemawillow · 2 years

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MTIJ | Ch.28 Does Being a Secret Agent Fix Things?

|mtij masterlist|

pairing: levi ackerman x reader

word count: 12k

summary: a girl with a variety of hidden complexes has to live with a french asshole for nine months. easy? on the surface. problematic? definitely. romantic? not too much, or at least they’d make it a point to say so everytime when asked. the end? please, their dynamic isn’t as simple as that.

Cheating. I cheated. Now my high school teacher might be cheating. Conclusion: we're all scum.

“I’m just a bit busy, Ann. My brain doesn’t work properly right now.” I was leaning against the wall again – this time with a clipboard in my hands, Adam smoking on my left and Melinda Carter bound to show up and ruin our break in about three minutes. And my best friend was talking about things I couldn’t quite comprehend but, in her defence, I wasn’t giving it my best either. Speak of being a terrible friend.

“Not that it usually does. I’m just saying it’s been bothering me,” Annie sighed and I figured she was probably busy chafing her bottom lip against the upper one as she often did when worried or overthinking. Deciding to wholly ignore her initial remark, I readjusted my shoulder and clicked the pen I was holding a few times in thought. The calculations on the clipboard weren’t coming out properly. The numbers had to be wrong altogether because this here on the page was entirely impossible…

“I understand why it would,” I began in a slow considerate tone before giving a small snort, “but give Erwin some more credit, would you? I doubt he waited for you to graduate to go fooling around with another woman less than two months later.”

Click, click, click, bitch. Asshole-me laughed as my eyebrows furrowed at the clipboard and Adam suddenly pushed himself off the wall only to stand directly in front of me instead. I didn’t look up.

“But he’s constantly mentioning the new nurse, which is a good cover story, technically, and when I used his phone to call Mike the other day I saw she’s been calling him a lot. There’s no way for me not to worry.” Annie sounded like she was on the verge of something – whether it be a simple mental breakdown or straight-up neurosis, I couldn’t know – and I was off in some faraway land, caring more about a few numbers on a stupid clipboard than my best friend. “Plus, the school is barely populated in the summer and yet Erwin says he’s got a lot of work,” the blonde justified with a cold voice but, even when I wasn’t paying 100% attention, I was able to detect the lingering doubt in it.

My gaze flickered up to meet Adam’s eyes before following his gesture to the corner of the building. Break was probably close to its end. So Melinda Carter might come along any second now. I gave the raven a small nod before pursing my lips in mild frustration. I clicked the pen in my hold three more times and tucked the clipboard under my arm, finally letting my shoulder relax as I wrapped my fingers around my phone and held it to my ear.

“I have to get going, Annie. I’ll call you later so we can finish this talk,” I said, not quite aware of what a terrible friend I was. I had a hunch, but also, I was supposed to be an employee right now. And I was terrible at it, too. Nothing I ever did seemed good in Melinda Carter’s eyes so I was basically failing at life before I’d even gotten into college – it was a big deal that surely wouldn’t make my parents proud.

“Better don’t. I’m just worrying unnecessarily.” Annie’s voice was back to being ice. She hung up on me right after. I had no time to respond. I sighed and put my phone back in my pocket before Adam reached for my hand. Right, that was another part of the ever-so-broad definition of “terrible” my character had. This particular specific was the fact I hadn’t told him anything about anything ever since Levi had shared with me the truth about Petra. Did that count as playing with his feelings? Was I leading him on, taking into account I had no intention of going back to my father’s hot intern? I didn’t know.

“Problems?” His blue eyes bore into mine and I reluctantly let him lead me to the entrance of the store by the hand. It was as warm as it had been almost a week ago when he walked me home. I shook my head “no” after which he smirked cockily and asked the usual: “Want to have dinner with me then?”

“Not exactly.” It had turned into a reflex for me to reject without considering since he offered it every day. I smirked back and yanked my hand from his hold when the automatic doors opened and Melinda’s manicured hand waved at us – or, more like, at Adam. He headed back to the register and I walked with him for the sake of not having to talk to my “boss” for another half a minute. He sat in the spinning chair behind the cash desk and I propped my elbows on top of it with a knowing look.

“How about tomorrow?” There was no smirk this time – just the puppy eyes. A Flynn Rider type of smoulder would’ve done a better job and I was about to give it a bit of thought before the rough draft of a genius plan suddenly hit me. I’d mentioned I was being as bad a best friend as I was an employee. Well, I knew for sure which of the two I could fix. Wanting to be a better person instead of a better provider for a capitalistic society that didn’t give a flying fuck about me, I smiled real wide at Adam and shook my head.

“I have an important thing. Maybe some other time.” I pushed myself off the cash desk but Adam swiftly grabbed my wrists and vouchsafed me his crooked smirk. I pouted at him before avidly slipping away from his loose hold and giving the tip of his tan nose a push that made it scrunch up cutely. The result was me walking away from the scene with a giggle, blind to the soft gaze the raven let linger on my form. I was blind to a lot of things, really.

“Miss Raven.” I swore my mouth had never curled downwards so fast in my life as it did when I heard Melinda’s voice calling my name. Here came two more hours of me toiling as she filed her nails and sang along to pop songs, sounding like an animal in pain even during the humming of the instrumental part. Honestly, I could probably listen to the scraping of her file against her nails on a loop for a month straight so long as I never got to hear her sing again.

Best moments of my life? The ones I got to spend away from that blonde and her Gucci bag. Also could be translated as: when I got off work and the only face I had to look at for the few following minutes was Adam’s. This afternoon we walked out of the store drained physically but not mentally. The usual cigarette hung from his lips, I had his leather jacket on me and over it – his arm. I was laughing at his exaggerated fuckboy “sup” nod when my gaze pinpointed a figure standing in the parking lot. My hand pushed weakly at Adam’s chest and his attention left my face. A small sigh left his lips as he removed his arm from my shoulders and I returned his jacket with an apologetic expression. His smile was bright and I parted my lips with the intention to say something, only to change my mind for a lack of things I could say. He lit up his cigarette and I skipped over to Levi, eyeing his glare with suspicion.

“You have work,” I stated with a deadpan as he rolled his eyes and took his hands out of his pockets only to stuff them right back with a weak huff. We took off towards our house – his pace was slow so I could walk normally, but the distance between our shoulders was a steady twelve inches at all times. I hate to say, but I was the one putting it there – quite purposefully, too.

“Thanks for telling me,” he returned with dry sarcasm, looking as indifferent as each and every other day. So why was I so bothered, one may ask? I would say I didn’t know and still the grumble (Feelings are worse than numbers.) in my mind made asshole-me laugh. I scowled at her nasty voice and proceeded to huff.

“Why did you come?” I sounded like a complete dumbass. I knew he’d come so he could pick me up from work. I wasn’t that oblivious when it came to facts despite the fact I was literally blind to feelings of any sort unless they were thrown in my face. But, mind you, I was exceptionally good at picking up on behavioural habits and traits. And my dear little intern had recently adapted to a borderline uncanny pattern he himself might’ve not acknowledged.

Action that let us spend time together or helped me in a way.

Excuse.

Silence.

Repeat.

“I wanted to take a walk.” Despite the nonchalant voice that would, under no circumstances, hint at his true motive, (Excuse.) Levi was probably well aware of the bullshit he was spilling and how it did nothing to help itself be believed. That kind of excuse would work on people with brain cells matching the number of fingers on their hands and, no matter what comment Annie would want to slip in here, I wasn’t part of that majority.

“Sure.” I nodded after a small pause, hesitant enough to let him know I didn’t plan on arguing though I was aware he was lying to me. He didn’t respond.

Silence.

The next step of the pattern. I could trace its beginning back to last Sunday when I’d negated the giant improvement we’d made the day before that. Or, well, negated the improvement in terms of physical intimacy and actually maybe encouraged it in a way in terms of communication. Still, the main part of the issue stayed. My abstinence concerning Levi and his affections – if they could even be called that – came and went like your usual plan to diet – you start on a random Monday and find yourself stuffing your mouth with doughnuts before Thursday rolls in. Well, I started my Levi diet on Sunday and ever since then, he decided to become times more delicious and inviting solely for the sake of corrupting my noble intentions of straying from inappropriate temptation.

I knew that sounded self-centred but I was purposefully straying from him out of pure shame and he, just as deliberately, went running after me with coffee and benevolence. It was his way of saying it was fine, that the love of his life was dead and I was a bitch but he’d known this would happen so he wanted me to act normally – I understood that much but he couldn’t really believe it would happen so fast. I’d gone through the past five days telling myself I was the living embodiment of all bad words in the dictionary – my asshole side had helped me pick them and recited them in my head in the middle of the night – and the root of the problem was acting like a saint, forgiving me for dissing him when all he’d done was protect his privacy. It was a logical notion that he’d hate and avoid me but no – let’s go against all logic and be kind to the trash who triggered the worst part of my life for four months in a row!

Wasn’t I on a fucking roll? Incompetent, selfish, horny against all virgin origins, dumped over the phone by the only boy in her life after having oh so kindly rushed into cheating on him with a man who was still mourning his dead fiancé, audacious enough to get depressed for a whole two weeks after the break-up, too proud to coherently process and sort out her feelings, pathological liar prone to acting out her life, thinking herself smart when the only thing she could do was calculate the length of her sleep if she went to bed half an hour earlier and always rushing into shit she couldn’t handle on her own. Good day, ‘t was I, your humble storyteller. Feeling entertained yet? I know I was having the time of my life.

“By the way, has my father mentioned the usual August business trip already?” Before my thoughts could spiral further, I decided to redirect the topic to a place I knew very well. No, not City of Dumbassery since I already visited it during my call with Annie and that was more than enough for the rest of the month. However, I could bet, much like my impending failure regarding my Levi diet, I’d find myself back there at some point by the end of August. The intern shook his head at my question, ran a hand through his hair and flatly began explaining that they had no big deals to arrange when I cut him off: “It’s not about deals and contracts, though. It’s about relaxation.” His brows furrowed in confusion and I smirked. He had no idea what awaited. In that case, I had to tell him. “The August business trip is my father’s way of making it up to those who work the most. You’re going on a one-week vacation but he’ll make you call it a business trip.”

“I don’t see the point in being taken along,” he retorted doubtfully, making me chuckle.

“It’s necessary for you to go. Not only because you work too much but also because the cover story falls apart if he doesn’t take his intern.” I shrugged and Levi hummed thoughtfully to let me know he’d understood.

“Do you have any idea when it will be?” His voice was a bit closer. I glanced at him and saw the distance between our shoulders had lessened by a few inches, then pretended not to notice it. I rolled my eyes and feigned contemplation when I knew very well it would be at the end of the month. It was a tradition for my father, not to mention the very same vacation William had never come back from. The thought left a sour taste in my mouth.

“No, but he’ll tell you at least five days in advance.” The small lie slipped past effortlessly and the rest of our walk was spent in silence. When we slipped out of our shoes after I locked the front door, he headed into the kitchen to make food while I changed into more comfortable clothes. A warm meal was sitting on the counter when I returned downstairs and Levi was in the living room, where the coffee table was barely visible under the various stacks of papers he had on it. It was time for me to return the favour, I guessed with a sigh. I made him a cup of tea, took the food he’d prepared and plopped down on the couch next to him.

Our eyes locked when I handed him his drink. Our fingers brushed as he took it and I gave a weak smile he never returned. He resumed doing his paperwork and I leaned back against the couch in order to enjoy my meal in peace. About ten minutes later, my dish was empty and I got up to leave it in the sink. Maybe to Levi’s surprise, I returned to the couch afterwards and leaned into his side, sending a silent message from my antenna to his.

Be my pillow, asshole.

So he complied.

Repeat.

It’ll take me around five minutes to walk from his place to the high school. I mused internally as my feet paced down the pavement the next day – a Friday on which my former high school was supposed to be open, would you look at that coincidence – and my hands were busy stuffing my work uniform in the backpack dangling from my shoulder. But before we go down memory lane there, we’ve got some other things to check. Asshole-me reminded wisely as I turned into a relatively empty street, searching for a particular rusty door. Thank fuck Hanji had given me details. Let's be the bestest fucking friend there is. I snorted whilst opening the door, then proceeded to climb the stairs to the fifth floor before pressing the doorbell by flat №51. My ten-second wait was rewarded by the sight of Hanji's benign expression contorting in mild surprise. "(Y/N), it’s so good to see you! Do you need Erwin for something?" The brown-haired woman was genuinely excited – it made me conclude maybe I had to pay her a visit or two without a selfish goal in near future. Unfortunately, now wasn’t that near future and I wasn’t here with wholly innocent intentions. I was on a mission so I had to be fast and efficient, and, of course, not get caught.

“I was actually wondering if I could come inside for a bit and talk with you.” I smiled and inwardly defended my manipulation with the fact this particular sentence hadn’t been a lie. Hanji gestured for me to enter before asking if I wanted something to drink. I could spare about ten minutes in here. And I needed for her to be distracted for a bit. I responded I’d like a coffee, not only because it was my go-to drink, but also because (It takes time to prepare and almost no time whatsoever to consume.) it was beneficial. The living room was right across the front door, but Hanji headed down the only hallway to the left. I followed with soft footsteps and watched her disappear behind the last door in line. To my right there were two doors and to the left – only one. It was open so I could see it was the bathroom. If so, I had a fifty-fifty chance of hitting the Jackpot on the first try. So I quietly rushed into the closest room on the right and nearly fist-bumped the air when I realised it was Mr. Smith’s bedroom.

Not wishing to invade his privacy more than was needed (Not that you’re not doing it anyway by snooping around his bedroom without permission.) I gave the space an overall scan while asshole-me analysed stuff in my head, and only moved things around when it came to the most obvious hiding places. It didn’t take a lot to conclude a woman hadn’t stepped foot inside the prim room. And when I heard the clinking of cups, I rushed back to the living room and nearly tripped into the coffee table in my haste to sit down on the couch. Ten seconds later, Hanji entered with a steaming cup of coffee in hand. Her smile made my shoulders tense.

“So, what did you want to talk about?” Her brown eyes settled on my face and I deliberately maintained eye contact prior to speaking up because one of the few practical lessons on Psychology Erwin Smith had taught had been about making a good impression on somebody. Eye contact strengthened trust and promoted honesty and determination. It was low of me to apply this here but, like I’d entertained myself at the hotel by playing a lame detective, here I needed to be a proper secret agent.

“You and Mr. Smith are good friends, as far as I know. Did he tell you about his feelings for Annie before they got together?” A gentle smile sat on my lips as I curiously gazed into Hanji’s eyes. The action and expression were both meant to predispose her to trust my pure intentions and I guess they did. Now, this here – playing a dumb little lamb – was a Raven trick, not a psychological one.

“Well, I had a hunch the girl he liked to talk about was a student but he never told me outright her name or specified anything inappropriate, if that’s what you’re hinting at. I wouldn’t be so happy for him if there was anything fishy going on.” Hanji grinned and I sipped on my coffee with a hum. My brows raised at the taste. If nothing else, I’d say this woman made excellent coffee. I would certainly visit again. When I put my cup down, I shook my head.

“No, no. Same here really. I had my suspicions at some point but somebody who waits that long is genuine in his feelings so, that at least I trust about him. When exactly did he mention her in that way, though? If he has at all.” She crossed her legs with a chuckle and leaned back against the couch. I crossed my legs, too. That, people, was called mirroring. Not a Raven trick. Just a woman’s trick of subconsciously making somebody else like you. Could never be a Raven trick because we were too good at picking up on it so we banished it altogether.

“Maybe a year ago. He was really torn back then because, you know, the age gap and all that. He felt guilty for it. But his feelings went maybe an additional year back. He told me Annie had become an object of interest for him about the time some water-balloon-related accident had made her take your place in detention so you could go on a date with your boyfriend. Then she’d persuaded Erwin into not punishing you because you’d been framed.” The story’s last few sentences were spoken in a softer voice, almost like Hanji was uncertain whether she was remembering everything correctly. I’d sipped on my coffee up until the last moment, when my hands put it down with an eager gasp. The mention of the situation had made my incessant frustration on the topic reignite.

“That’s the truth! Hitch threw the balloon at our History teacher and made a run for it so Annie and I looked guilty! It was an undeserved punishment and Eren was really looking forward to celebrating our anniversary that day, so there was no way I could miss it,” I defended fervently, scowling in outrage at the mere thought. I’d begged Annie to somehow slip out of detention, too, so we could later scheme how to prove it had been Hitch’s fault. Except my best friend had decided to be the brave knight. Still, another detail seemed to draw Hanji’s attention more.

“Eren? Eren Jaeger?” Her confused voice brought me back to reality only so I could hear my boyfriend’s (Ex-boyfriend, darling. Asshole-me corrected.) name out of her mouth. I bit back a spiteful snort at the arrogant tone in my head. The fact she was right was beside the point. The reminder was king of unneeded right now.

“Has Mr. Smith mentioned him?” I inquired cautiously, lifting my cup to my mouth in order for it to hide the uncertain pout of my bottom lip. I couldn’t be the perfect actress if we suddenly started talking about Eren Jaeger. Before I knew it, I’d gulped down the whole coffee and Hanji had watched me do it with an empathetic smile tugging at her lips. She pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose before clearing her throat with a nod.

“Yeah. He mentions what a good couple you are.” Her smile was big and sincere, and most certainly not meant to hurt one bit. Not meant to make my heart clench like that. She couldn’t have known. Or maybe Annie had said it just once. Or maybe she hadn’t said it at all. My windpipe constricted at the incorrectly used present tense at the end of the sentence. I’d never thought a mere grammatical mistake could be so painful.

“Were. Anyways,” I deliberately avoided looking at the sudden realisation on her face whilst rising to my feet and giving her the brightest smile I could muster, “I should really get going. It was nice chatting with you.” I headed for the door and she followed suit with a muffled “visit again soon”. She locked the door after me and I rushed down the stairs and out of the building like the act of that would erase the last part of our conversation. Focusing on the mission at hand was more important right now. I shook Eren off my mind and contemplated my next step.

Now comes the real thing. His apartment’s like a monk pad, so if the school’s clear, too we know he’s innocent. The five-minute walk turned into a three-minute one due to all the physical strain I exercised in order to distract myself from the impending worsening of my mood. By the time I’d realised it, I was marching across the small park leading to the high school gates. And if he isn’t innocent? Asshole-me’s cocky rebuttal made me shake my head. You and I both know he is. Don’t play the devil. And before she could respond, I saw Mr. Smith’s silhouette in the distance and ducked behind a pair of bushes. He was with a woman I hadn’t seen amongst the staff prior to my graduation. I was spying on them when a hand rested on my shoulder. My soul left my body, I bit back a scream and was about to end a man’s whole career (and future offspring) with an uncalculated punch to the nuts when I heard Levi’s voice.

“Princess, what the hell are you doing here?” My father’s intern was crouching behind me with a suspicious frown that made me so angry I slapped his hand off my shoulder and stared at him with utmost indignation. He could’ve ruined my mission and I’d prefer not to get questioned on why I was stalking my high school teacher.

“Asshole, don’t do that,” I hissed with a racing heartbeat and he stayed quite unimpressed by my panic. “My soul was on its way out of my fucking body and--- Wait a second, what are you doing here?” I cut myself off in the middle of a rant and my brows furrowed because, frankly, he couldn’t have a brilliant excuse such as mine for lurking next to a high school like a top-notch creep.

“I asked first, so maybe I should get an---“ I muffled the rest of his retort with my hand as the other one pulled him by the collar so his head could hide behind the bushes properly. That resulted in him losing his balance and almost crashing into my chest but, luckily, that didn’t happen. With his arms on the ground on each side of my body and my fingers stubbornly pressing against his mouth, we listened to the incoming Mr. Smith and his female companion.

“Do you still have a lot of paperwork?” The gentle voice asking that made my lips purse. Then Levi bit into my fingers and forced them off his mouth. I gaped at his audacity and glared.

“We have a lot of transfers this year. I have to talk to two different families today.” The familiar tone of my former Psychology teacher sounded. My ears were graced by his heavy sigh, followed by a sympathetic hum from the woman next to him.

“It’s really hard being a teacher. The only work I did was when Mrs. Stevenson got a nasty papercut last week,” the nurse said, confirming her position as the alleged lover, which, more or less, made my eyes narrow in suspicion as Levi attempted to analyse my behaviour. This, however, was a puzzle he wouldn’t put together without any clues.

“You still come in, though. That’s what I call commitment.” I could imagine the blond’s smile as they kept walking towards the high school gates. Once their backs were facing us, I peeked through the bushes at them stirring their coffees and him letting her in first like a gentleman. They got lost around the corner and I let out a breath of relief before checking the small red crescents on my fingers with a pout.

“Now, why are you stalking Erwin?” Levi’s question reminded me of his presence and I turned to face him with a scoff. My determination to prove myself worthy of Annie’s friendship wouldn’t buckle in the face of his prejudice. I couldn’t half-ass anything when it came to this mission.

“Annie’s worried he might be cheating on her with the nurse so I’m checking to see if it’s true or not,” I explained with a nonchalant shrug that made the raven scowl at me disapprovingly. I would’ve probably sided with that kind of reaction if I hadn’t already tried and failed.

“You’re not giving Brows enough credit. He’s loyal to boot.” I doubted Levi was on equal par of friendship with Erwin as Hanji, but I knew he was a good judge of character. The fact his defence on the topic matched the one I’d had was the strongest weapon in existence, but, unfortunately, it wasn’t proof.

“I said the same, asshole, but this isn’t about what we know of Erwin’s character. It’s about my best friend’s feelings and I won’t be reassuring her empty-handed. Now, what are you doing here?” I was sure he would answer now that I’d given him my summary of the situation. And, as most times when it came down to it, I was right. He flatly explained (Action that let us spend time together or helped me in a way.) he’d seen me looking like a creep on his way to visit Hanji so he’d decided to check what was going on. His grey hues struck me like the warning look of a strict parent struck a curious child with a tendency of getting into trouble. Rightfully so, but a simple look wouldn’t stop me from making a fool of myself for the sake of my friendship. Maybe he already knew that. “Well, I skipped the second half of my shift to play a secret agent and since you have the story now, you can go.” I crossed my arms and stared at him challengingly. My expression tried to convey the message that he had to leave me be, but, as it turned out, he was deaf to such messages. It wasn’t a surprise that besides being arrogant he was also stubborn as a goddamn mule.

“You’ll fuck up if I don’t stay.” He stood from the ground and dusted off his clothes before offering little overly offended me a pale hand to grab. I didn’t take it, got up on my own and put my hands to my hips, expecting some further justification. Now, to this wordless message, he wasn’t deaf. How shocking. “You lack tact and you’re not deft or quiet enough to do this on your own.” He made me sound more like an ape than a human. The pattern couldn’t yet materialise in my mind but later I would realise (Excuse.) this had been exactly a part of it.

“And what’s your plan, Mr. Secret Agent?” I asked with a glare, folding my arms over my chest once more as he huffed and gestured for me to follow him. Moving deftly down the path through the trees, we reached the gates and he explained his plan, that wasn’t really a plan, so matter-of-factly it was almost like he’d been on such needlessly dramatic missions a thousand times. It reminded me of the night he’d gotten me to Hitch’s party with the handmade rope.

“If you want to spy on Erwin, we’ll have to sneak up to his office first. Trailing him is off-limits because he’s surprisingly shrewd. The only thing we can do is eavesdrop. And you’ll have to keep your mouth closed the whole time. Do you think you can?” The perfect grammar ruined the effect but the intent stayed and I pushed at his shoulder with a glare as we crossed the yard and slipped inside the building.

“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that last one,” I smiled wryly and he snorted. “And what were you in a past life – in the mafia?” The joking inquiry made him huff as we went up the stairs to the Psychology cabinet on the second floor where he was supposed to be doing paperwork. If we were lucky, we wouldn’t run into the families he had meetings with and if we were unlucky, like most times, well… we’d improvise because we were relatively good at it.

“If I was, I would’ve said to put a gun in his mouth and just ask him if he’s cheating or not.” The volume of Levi’s voice had dropped since we were nearing our destination but that didn’t prevent me from hearing the muffled tone of my former teacher. I blurted out a sharp “shut up” and my alarmed gaze bore into Levi’s face but he was dead-set on not obeying me, even in a situation as crucial as this one was. Not a life-or-death predicament, certainly, but a decent secret agent had to avoid being questioned at all cost. “You shut up,” the raven returned with furrowed eyebrows, making my lips purse.

“No, really.” The sombreness in my voice was clearly incapable of conveying the message that I genuinely needed him to clamp his piehole shut. And when he opened his mouth to defy me once more, only my nickname slipped out before my hand muffled the rest. I’d had it. I grabbed the back of his shirt and tugged towards the door we’d stopped next to. My own ear leaned against the cold wood and the raven’s icy glare pierced my temple when Erwin’s voice sounded on the other side, shutting up whatever wordless message the intern had for my tactless ways.

“I’m sure she doesn’t know. It’ll be an unpleasant surprise, so we’ll keep it a secret instead.” A gentle timbre and an amused chuckle like that coming from Erwin Smith would’ve made Annie’s knees wobble but the only thing they did to me was heavy damage. My eyes widened and I met Levi’s surprised gaze in order to exchange opinions telepathically – the one advantage of all that mind-reading he performed all the time.

Are you hearing what I’m hearing? My unbelieving expression asked, making the raven nod weakly in confirmation. My fingers slowly parted from his mouth. Tell me it’s not what I think it is. I begged with pursed lips and knitted brows, only to have him give me a helpless look and a shake of his head. Can’t do that princess. Came the response. I could almost hear him say it with his tone doing that small regretful dip. I weakly slapped the back of his head with narrowed eyes in order to voice my reprimand. Real reassuring, asshole. The conversation ended there, as the unsuspecting blond teacher on the other side of the door spoke up once more.

“If we’re careful, she won’t find out. I’ll see you later.” I couldn’t believe I was hearing such things from Annie’s fateful boyfriend’s lips. Not to mention, the moralist preacher on duty who’d lectured me for four years. If this wasn’t a misunderstanding, I would probably try to punch him. “I love you. Bye.” This was probably the end of the conversation. I grabbed Levi’s wrist and pulled him into the next cabinet in line, which I knew for a fact was abandoned at all times of the year. Why I knew it was a story which mostly consisted of Eren and I making out there and never getting caught because it was one of those empty places lazy authors used for turning plot points in stories about high school romance.

“We heard what we heard,” I concluded gravely, hopping up on the teacher’s desk as Levi stood by the whiteboard and glared at his feet as though they’d give him the legitimate excuse that would redeem what we’d just eavesdropped on. The most he came up with was the relatively weak defence that Erwin had been on the phone. I craned my neck to observe the white ceiling and avoid his pointed gaze. “That sounds like a good cheating strategy and it adds up with what Annie told me about the nurse calling him daily,” I reasoned calmly, making Levi hum as he crossed his arms. Everything we’d heard was incriminating but there was no way for us to prove his innocence. Unless… I looked back at him with a giant grin. It didn’t take him long to notice the crazy glint lingering about in my hues. “There’s one way to find out,” I mused slyly and the mind-reader hurried to object.

“No, princess. We’ve already committed a form of trespassing and this is the dictionary definition of a violation of one’s privacy.” He stepped forth firmly, a warning standing out in his eyes. I shrugged with as much carelessness as I had in me and folded my arms in an attempt to provoke him.

“Don’t be a chicken, asshole. You go in and get him out of the room, preferably with his phone not on him. I’ll sneak in and check who he was talking to. It’s that simple. You were right in sensing you had to come along.” First, provoke. Second, negotiate and belittle. Third, mock. I was smirking and he could sense there was more. The most important step that triggered what was dearest to him – namely, his pride. “Unless you’d rather we do this the right way and ask him straightforwardly? A perfect little boy like you would love that, won’t he?” Fourth, patronise. Fifth, condescend. In simpler terms – fish, line, hook – and look, we’ve got a fish already. This technique our family called the Jared Raven Special.

“You’ll owe me so fucking much,” he grumbled in frustration as I bit back a victorious grin. Not that this had a way of failing, taking into account it worked on everybody. But also, pride was important to Levi. Reputation. Being good and behaving and acting with just a bit of condescension because he was better than others. Because he was. But now the line between bad and better was blurry because morals meant doing something he was mortified of and getting called out on it sure had to feel like a nightmare. Things like breaking the law in small doses were no longer of importance when he had to prove himself.

“I can pay you back in kisses,” I mocked innocently, fluttering my eyelashes at his glare and knowing he’d refuse. The “please act your age” look he gave me only fuelled my wish to keep going. “No?” I piped with a smile, slowly morphing into a smirk as my lips parted. “I thought so.” My smugness came apart when he stepped forward. Maybe I deserved this payback, what with shutting him up and cutting him off so many times today. I certainly didn’t expect it to take such (pleasant) form. His lips caught me off guard when they landed on mine. Then my hands cupped his face and his hand tugged on my waist. He smelled of lavender shampoo and I felt like I was a sophomore again. To somebody else, we probably looked like a horny pair taking part in the movie adaptation of a random romance novel with a sappy ending. “That was a violation of my personal space,” I breathed out, hand against his chest as he snorted. Heat crept up the back of my neck when our eyes met and I pushed at his chest, gaze averting. “Now go.” He left the room silently and I took a deep breath prior to hopping off the desk. I eavesdropped – muffled conversation, some cussing, the closing of a door – and when the footsteps fading down the hallway disappeared altogether, I left my hiding place, looked around warily, slipped into the Psychology cabinet and snatched Erwin’s phone from the desk with an elated fist-bump. My exultation was short-lived.

“Fuck’s sake, he has a password. Let it be something sappy.” So I tried Annie’s birthday. A message in red announced the reduced number of attempts I had to get this stupid thing unlocked before shutting down. I tried his mother’s birthday because Annie had told me once he actually had a proper relationship with her. Nothing. I tried a typical grandpa password of repetitive zeros. Nothing. I tried the date of the water balloon accident. Nothing. I knew nobody said last time was the charm because it wasn’t true but I was about to fact-check that since I could already hear Levi’s voice down the hallway, which meant I had to hurry up.

Last chance, darling. Be him for a second and insert yourself in a relatively meaningless existence full of duty. Now, what’s the best day he’s lived? Asshole-me had never been a big help in situations that required composure because she often made me lose it, but her rhetorical questions flipped the switch. The best day he’d lived? The one on which he could be with Annie, of course, taking into account the rude stuff with the meaningless existence and all that my asshole side blurted out. No other day, in hindsight, would matter as much – not even the one on which she’d been born or the one when they’d met. Fingers crossed. I typed the date of our graduation and the screen unlocked, revealing his call history along with the answer to all my questions and Annie’s worries.

My eyes widened at the call log, I turned off the phone and left it exactly where I’d taken it from, sneaking out of the room as soundlessly as possible right after. Or, at least, that was how the original plan went. Nothing was ever that simple when it came down to applying theory to practice. We could compare this to dancing for a second. Yes, think of this mission as dancing. When Mr. Smith and Levi entered the room, I was involved in a motionless tango with myself inside the tall locket next to the door. Then I did the only thing I could think of and texted my father’s intern.

I need help, asshole. My SOS dinged in his back pocket and he read the message while Erwin was taking a seat at his desk. The raven’s lips pursed. My chicken was mad at me. Not a surprise.

I can’t leave you alone for two seconds. Where are you? Even his typing sounded angry. I could see him scowl as he faced the whiteboard and tried not to grunt in exasperation. I replied as quickly as possible, wishing to get out of my hiding place for fear the weird smell of chemicals would make me sneeze.

*One-hundred and twenty. And I’m in the locker to your left. I need a diversion to get out. At that, I felt like his wide eyes successfully managed to pierce the metal parting us so he could glare me down into a puddle. Before he could type a reply of his own, Erwin turned to address him and made us break our alleged eye contact.

“In relation to that, Levi, I was thinking about a conversation I had with Hanji. I know I have no right to criticize, but I ask you to be more aware of the girl’s feelings.” The blond’s concerned expression, along with the confusing speech that obviously annoyed Levi, made my nose scrunch up in puzzlement. I didn’t need an additional load of encrypted information when everything had been successfully unravelled at last.

“In this case, she has none. And shitty-glasses has no right to discuss those things with you.” Levi looked just a bit angry, to say the least. I wondered if he would’ve reacted the same way had he not been aware I was in the room. I squinted at his profile through the little gaps in the locker and saw him glaring at Erwin like the blond had insulted his whole family tree. His hands were stuffed in his pockets, forming spiteful fists that made my head tilt in mild confusion.

“That’s true but you know how she is. We talk about everything and she always wants to help out. In this case, she thinks I can be the one offering advice.” Erwin tried to ease the tension but his gentle voice only made Levi’s shoulders tense further. It was almost like his storage of abilities consisted of everything but being composed right now.

“Your Psychology degree doesn’t mean you can lecture me about feelings every time we meet. You’re perceptive enough, so get the gist that I don’t want to talk about this.” Levi rolled his eyes at the whiteboard before leaning back against the first row of desks. Folding his arms over his chest was, as I’d long figured out, a defence mechanism against unwanted conversations that – albeit hardly functional – he never stopped putting to use.

“It’s not about feelings this time, it’s about attachments. You like to renounce the former but everybody has the latter.” Blue clashed with grey as the blond teacher intertwined his fingers over the wooden desk he sat behind. The words that left his mouth made Levi snort with so much spite it made my brows raise in surprise. The following curt denial the raven provided only proved he was too proud to admit he had feelings of any kind.

“I don’t.” Getting a hand through his hair was a sign of frustration and, accompanied by those two short words, it almost made me scoff from inside the narrow locker. The circumstances preventing me from doing it, however, weren’t present in my former teacher’s case. Erwin scoffed at my father’s intern, an amused smile tugging at his lips as their eyes met.

“Then what is that still doing around your neck? The event was done long ago. Hanji also says you never take it off. She tried to take a look at it once and… what was it? Oh yeah, you nearly slapped her.” The words made Levi flinch. I blinked owlishly at the scene because my attention was brought to the silver necklace poking from under the collar of his shirt. I’d seen it once or twice thus far but never thought about it too much. Levi grumbled and approached the window a second prior to snapping.

“It just became a habit to wear it. Look, if you’re going to keep talking about this, at least let’s do it by an open window so I can jump if I get too tired of listening.” He opened the window and the blond rose from his seat to join him, either out of need for fresh air or for fear the raven might actually keep his word. I didn’t know which, but I knew this was my chance. Keeping as quiet as possible, I opened the locker, only for it to make a loud click. I sprang for the door like a wild cat.

“Did you hear anything?” Erwin’s voice sounded but it was too late – I was leaning against the wall outside with a hand over my mouth to muffle my ragged breathing and wide eyes blinking at the empty hallway in mild panic. This has been a close one.

“Seems like old age is catching up unexpectedly fast – you’re hearing things now. I have to get going,” Levi said, making me breathe out in relief as I heard his nearing footsteps.

“We didn’t even---“

“I don’t care. I didn’t come to discuss feelings.” The door opened when the raven cut off Erwin and his pale clammy fingers wasted no time in grabbing my upper arm the moment he turned the corner. Without exchanging as much as a glance, we paced down the empty hallway.

“Attachments!” My former teacher’s offended exclamation followed us and made our panicky heartbeats quicken further. I would’ve giggled at the pettiness but we were skipping two steps at a time and Levi’s expression was so constipated I thought I could spare him a bit.

“Tell me you managed to look at his phone,” the raven grumbled flatly, sounding too close to dead on the inside that just a single note of an octave lower would’ve let his voice finally match the way his skin looked at all times. I threw him a sideways glance he decided to ignore for the sake of putting his hands in his pockets, which, in turn, drew my attention to his outfit. I hadn’t had time to evaluate it in our adrenaline-fuelled haste. He was wearing a plain pair of black jeans and a simple black T-shirt that seemed just a bit tight around the chest. Just great – when I was set on avoiding him, too. It was amazing how my perception of his outfits depended greatly on the firmness of my decision to not engage in any “sexual” physical contact with him.

“We’re technically saved because he was talking to Annie, but I do need to verify one last thing to reassure her properly considering all aspects of the issue. Prepare for a little bit of panic and a yelp.” I glanced ahead as we took on the last flight of stairs to the first floor when I sensed Levi throwing me a doubtful look. However, it was too late. I knew the nurse’s office was mere feet away from us and I had to put my best acting skills to use. The lack of audience for a conceited person like me was a pity.

“What the fuck is that supposed to---“

I grit my teeth, shut my eyes and kicked my own ankle like I’d kick a molester in the groin. There began my journey through the air to the hard floor at the foot of the stairs. My shrill shriek sounded – made to sound as realistically as possible, closely followed by the fleeting touch of Levi’s fingers on mine as he tried to catch me. I heard him curse. It was loud and my palms stung when I caught myself at the last second, taking my time to sit up before taking a breath and biting back a sigh.

“It hurts so much,” I wailed loudly and Levi stared at me in visible shock. My eyes were pinned to the nurse’s office’s open door and then – the fair-haired woman rushing out with a worried expression on her youthful face. My head bowed and I inspected my red palms with a blank expression, thinking of a way to make this spectacle as believable as possible.

“Are you okay? What happened?” The nurse’s melodic voice was laced with concern and her brows were furrowed as I stared up at her like a kicked puppy whilst continuously recalling Eren’s voice as he broke up with me. My asshole side, set on saving me the actual pain, pulled at the question marks of each painful inquiry (What’s Eren doing now? Is he well? Does he ever miss me? Has he found somebody else?) that tried jabbing itself into my mind and hauled them across its entirely to the very back, where they wouldn’t be too big a bother just yet.

“We were visiting my boyfriend’s former teacher and I tripped. It really hurts.” Tears visibly pushing at the corners of my eyes, I threw Levi a pointed look while the nurse tried to examine my ankle. Her blond locks swayed as she eyed my slumped posture apprehensively, dainty fingers tucking a small strand of short hair behind her ear.

“Come to my office, I’ll get a better look there. Do you think you can walk?” Her countenance nearly pierced my resolve as it soared soothingly above me with an outstretched hand so frail it could’ve done no indecency whatsoever. Not like Annie’s hands, with their small palms and calloused knuckles, skin worn out by the help she lent to her father and the several fights she’d initiated to protect me. Not at all alike, those two pairs of hands. I knew which I liked best. I gritted my teeth in determination, grabbed the fair-haired woman’s fingers and attempted to lift myself off the ground.

“Ow!” A pained groan left my lips as soon as my “wounded” ankle was put into action and I stumbled. The nurse couldn’t keep me upright but when I thought I’d fall back onto the floor (Oh, the woes of a dedicated actor! I need an OSCAR, father!) my head bumped into a toned chest and a protective pair of arms held me up. My stance relaxed like melting gelatin when my eyes locked with his. “Levi, carry me,” I whined, ignoring the way his fingers twitched over my shoulder at the sound of his name. My (for the third time now) fake boyfriend rolled his eyes and complied with my request as the nurse led us to her office, hoisting me up into his arms in the blink of an eye and forcing me to stifle a yelp as my arms instinctively wrapped around his neck. “Grab her phone while she examines my ankle. You have about a minute to check her texts with Erwin,” I whispered firmly, to which the intern’s ashen hues darkened murderously at my face. His grip on my back tightened and my eyes slid down the length of his nose to the curve of his thin lips and then, the collar of his shirt. My eyes narrowed at the silver necklace hiding beneath.

“There will be a password.” The retort slipped past his pursed lips, making me snort as he spied on the nurse’s back and walked as slowly as possible towards the door she disappeared past. I held onto him, suppressing the urge to steal glances of his necklace again and check whether I could make out anything about it or the pendant its existence presupposed.

“I can bet you five bucks there won’t be.” I barely had the time to whisper it before he stepped through the door and put me down on the bed by it with surprising gentleness – in comparison to the way he’d lifted me up at least. The nurse crouched in front of me and cautiously observed my dangling legs and their red knees as the raven-haired intern reluctantly scanned the room for her phone. Once he saw it on the desk by the window, he approached with slow soundless steps and a pair of furrowed brows.

“I want you to tell me exactly where it hurts.” The nurse’s words stripped Levi of my intent gaze as I nodded compliantly and felt her fingers roll down my sock after taking off my shoe. Fingertips firmly moving over the places she considered to have been fractured, she was still oblivious to the lack of pain I would show under normal circumstances. So now I had to think up a spot that hurt, too. And while her fingers felt around my tendons, joints and bones, I let out small “it doesn’t hurt”, “hurts just a bit” and “no, to the other side.” And my own oblivious ass didn’t at all expect what came next.

“Ouch, yes, there,” I exclaimed in surprise, wide eyes and gritted teeth, and asshole-me was laughing inside my head. Karma – or whatever this was – obviously hadn’t decided to treat me kindly today. The nurse gave me an apologetic look and I glanced at Levi in mild panic when she stood up and went to grab something from the cabinet across the room but he was prepared – leaning against the window and nonchalantly gazing down at his own phone. “God, I’m so clumsy,” I chuckled awkwardly when the nurse returned and began tending to my ankle.

“It happens to everyone. I skipped some stairs a few days ago, too,” she shared with a small reassuring smile while Levi glared at me before making sure she wasn’t about to turn around anytime soon so he could get to work. I leaned back against the wall and let her put a compress on my ankle as a sigh left my pouting lips. I had to get in character.

“It’s dangerous when the school’s almost empty. Isn’t it lonely having only teachers around?” Empathy packed into a compassionate statement did wonders to prompt the nurse’s opinion on the matter. I guessed she was a good person, but I couldn’t be sure so I was yet to be burdened by guilt on the topic of manipulating her in such a heartless manner. But, well, if I could do it for my family for pride and money, I sure could do it to a stranger for my best friend and love.

“Not really if they are your friends, but since I’m new here, I suppose it’s still a bit uncomfortable. It takes time to adjust.” She gave a sheepish smile and a gentle crease appeared in the middle of her forehead. My chin dipped as I observed Levi guiltily grab her phone over her shoulder and turn it on, grey eyes not once moving to look at me.

“The teacher we visited was really nice – Mr. Smith, if I remember correctly. You should make friends with him. He seems kind.” The suggestion, asshole-me and I agreed, didn’t come from either of us – it came from the naïve five-year-old I wished I’d never been. Still, even she helped sometimes. The innocent voice did, too. And I was glad to have lived through one too many Thanksgiving Holidays, Christmases and Lamb Holidays to be able to steer the conversation exactly where I wanted it to be.

“We’ve been on good terms so far but he’s got a lot of work.” The nurse brushed a wavy lock behind her ear as I gave a small snort and leaned down to whisper closer to her ear. If this next line didn’t do the trick, I would have to think of a back-up plan. But it would do the trick because there was nothing people loved more than finding they shared something with somebody else. So if this was a homewrecker, she’d love to hear from a cheating whore. And if it was a superficial woman with a crush and minimal intentions to pursue it, she’d love to hear from an immorally superficial teenager. Win-win. For me at least.

“Don’t tell my boyfriend, but I think he’s kind of hot. A bit old for me, though.” Sweet as honey and ever so lacking in the implausibility department, the words seemed not to strike even remotely close to any kind of chord in the woman in front of me. My red knees stung as she disinfected them with the caution of a surgeon and my face briefly fell when she didn’t grace me with as much as a doubtful glance.

“He’s not exactly my type, but I suppose you’re right.” She shrugged and my jaw would’ve gone slack had I possessed less composure. It took me a second to banish my bewilderment for the sake of prodding further by asking if she had a boyfriend if Mr. Smith didn’t interest her. The curious inquiry made her chuckle. “Not really.” Her hazel gaze darted up to meet mine and her sides reddened briefly in joy. Her next words made me (nearly break character) shit my pants. “I’ve been married for seven years now. My husband’s the sweetest man in the universe and you should see our daughter – so excited to finally go to school. Erwin is actually helping me get her into a decent elementary because he’s got connections.” Her attention returned to my ankle as she checked the bandage and I used the window of opportunity to frantically gesture at Levi. Alarms blared in both our heads as he put the phone whence he’d taken it like it had stung him and I was caught red-handed amidst my panic. “Is everything okay?” She quirked a brow, worried and naïve, and I didn’t have the heart to act like a hollow-headed girlie anymore. My hand was frozen in air where it had repeatedly slashed in front of my throat in order to make Levi bail on our plan.

“Yes, everything’s fine. I was just fanning myself because the air is a bit stuffy. But your family sounds great.” I awkwardly fanned myself with that same hand as Levi stepped away from the desk and came to my side. The nurse gave us a wondrous smile prior to standing up with the announcement my ankle hadn’t sustained serious injury and needed just a bit of rest for a few days to be back to normal. “Thank you for the check-up. I hope everything goes well with your daughter’s enrollment.” We walked out after that – I was limping and Levi was shaking his head in what I liked to believe was a mixture of bewilderment and disappointment.

“How did you know?” Came the bored question once we’d arrived at the gates. I took a second to process what it meant and a sly smile slipped over my lips as I explained with a careless shrug that she was a nurse. I knew he was clueless as to how her profession was in any way related to her password. I glanced at his profile. Not cold today. “What’s that supposed to mean?” His sharp gaze bore into mine and I looked ahead, suddenly finding the front a more comfortable view to observe.

“It means a secret agent has to keep some secrets to themselves.” I could feel my lips curl at the edges as a pair of snorts sounded a second later. Mine was self-assured and his sounded tired of life. “I guess the whole conflict is resolved now. I’ll call Annie to give her a full report later.” The smile on my face softened as we crossed the park and passed the bushes we’d hidden behind about twenty minutes earlier. It seemed like a good idea to nudge the raven’s side. “I’ll make sure to tell her I couldn’t have managed without my chicken.” I glanced up and (Silence.) saw his eyes were pinned to the front. He clicked his tongue in distaste at the new nickname. We both knew it wouldn’t hold. We kept quiet afterwards, walking and listening to the speeding cars, and watching our step over the pavement.

“Your father mentioned the business trip today. We’re going next Tuesday and returning a week later.” The declaration startled me out of my thoughtless daze. I glanced at him but he didn’t look. Over his shoulder, I saw the cars. It didn’t click at all that he was purposefully walking on that side. I curiously questioned the destination and had to put my acting skills to use yet again. I had no right to feel bad that he was going on vacation but that wasn’t it. The whole situation left a bad taste in my mouth. What if he never came back, like Will? I had my reasons to think Levi wouldn’t mention anything to anybody in case he decided to go back home, because they might try to change his mind. “Minnesota for others, New Jersey for us,” he said, eyes pinned to the concrete beneath his feet. Too indulged in thoughts of next Tuesday, I didn’t see him look at my limping form.

“The beach sounds good.” I smiled and it felt forced. “Try to tan and if you come back looking like a tomato, I’ll never let you live it down,” I mused with a strained smirk as asshole-me, contrary to my expectations, decided to help me dismiss the unnerving question (Will you come back at all?) from my mind so I could return to playing a more plausible version of myself. Levi scoffed and stated he was tanning enough. His hands were in his pockets and I threw him a pointed look. My fingers were tugging on the pockets of my own shorts. “The only thing you did was get a sunburned nose on my birthday, asshole. Don’t flatter your complexion that much.” I rolled my eyes and he glared at my temple.

“I don’t need constructive criticism from an overdone steak,” he spat flatly, canines flashing in the afternoon sun like most times he became a tad bit snarky during our banter. I suppressed the urge to stare, mostly because it would lead to the thought of his mouth and how it had been on mine less than an hour ago.

“Very well, porcelain boy. Just don’t be offended when somebody in New Jersey mistakes you for a ghost.” I elbowed his shoulder with a huff, making us both face the front. I came to realise sometime later that we were walking so close we were inches apart from looking like a pair of lovebirds incapable of touching because of the heat. A ridiculous comparison. We could never look like that. One would think I’d go back to maintaining my twelve-inch distance after realising it wasn’t there, but today, I didn’t feel like it. Not at all, not right now and not until we reached the house. We were back home in less than half an hour, Levi called Hanji to tell her he wouldn’t be coming over at all and my ankle was throbbing under the cool compress as I lay on my bed and told Annie about my adventures.

I omitted the part where I’d kissed my father’s intern again and she was ecstatic to hear the love of her life was far from cheating on her – in fact, he was such a good person she would ring him up and surprise him with a date. I chatted with my best friend for nearly an hour, then we hung up and I decided to go downstairs and reward myself with a sandwich for a job well done, but Levi the mind-reader had beat me to the task. Two dishes full of triangular sandwiches sat on the marble counter, along with two cups – one with coffee and one with tea. And, of course, the handsome ebony-haired intern I didn’t think I’d ever deserve. My sandwich had no peppers. A crooked smile spoke of my gratitude instead of my vocal cords and I dug into my meal, thinking of my diet all the while. It was ironic that the one snack I couldn’t touch was sitting right next to me.

Repeat.

“You should’ve told me sooner,” I scolded over the phone, turned away from the guy sitting inside the restaurant waiting for me so I could argue with the asshole I’d come to tolerate outside. My eyes were glued to my ring and I tried to pick at it while waiting for Levi’s response.

“I’m not supposed to report to you, princess. It was just a suggestion.” His spiteful snort was audible and I could imagine his eyes glaring so vividly it was as if I’d seen it happen right in front of me. Shuffling of clothes was heard in the background as I pouted, visibly irritated with how bad he’d been at managing the simple piece of information he gave me now.

“Well, you should’ve made it sooner because I’m busy and won’t be back home before nine.” I was frowning and my lips were pursed in frustration when he flatly noted my shift wasn’t that long. A small question mark hung at the end of the statement ever so timidly and I nearly wheezed. “No, I’m… having dinner.” The pause gave it away. Levi was so good at reading me he immediately knew what I was trying to hide. The indifference with which he called out my lie wasn’t something I enjoyed.

“You should’ve just said you were on a date with Rivers. I’m not your boyfriend so I won’t get jealous.” I could imagine him scoff. I could imagine the downward curl of his lips. I could imagine him folding his clothes. I knew the discovery hadn’t affected him in any way. Maybe I was hoping for something, but (He’s not like that and we both know it.) asshole-me was good at making me feel bad about it, without even sounding catty. I gulped and I knew I had to get over myself. Levi wasn’t my slave or anything of the sort. Not my boyfriend either.

“I’m aware of that, asshole, but it’s not an actual date. Adam covered for me last Friday during our secret mission so I’m repaying him,” I explained casually, twirling a strand of my hair around my finger in thought. I glanced at the setting sun and the people on the street, ignoring the way my heart pounded like I was being chased by a wild animal.

“It’s been his biggest dream since he met you anyway. And since we’re leaving early tomorrow, I won’t wait up.” In other words – I had to avoid getting my hopes up. It wasn’t unexpected. I was nowhere near thinking he’d stay up to see me. I wouldn’t if I were him. “Have fun on your date,” he drawled flatly, not a hint of mockery present. He was too tired to make fun of me and I was too disappointed to tease him about it.

“Likewise. Keep count of the girls who hit on you,” I reminded before he hung up and I made my way inside the restaurant, taking my seat across from Adam, who browsed the menu with such glistening orbs it made me smile. It was nice to see somebody this excited, no matter the context. And when he asked whether that had been my scary friend, I nodded, mustering all the smiles and energy I had left after a tiring day at work. Adam deserved nothing less right now. “Yeah, he’s going on a vacation.” It gave him the green light to keep perusing the menu. He was so eager I would’ve thought he’d gone the day without eating. “Now order whatever you want. It’s my treat for your help on Friday.”

“Everything for you, seeing as you’re willing to do so much for a friend.” He put down the menu and closed it with a smile. His eyes dipped to my bare knees and my bandaged ankle before returning to my face. What I’d done was nothing compared to what Annie did for me, but it had gotten her spirits up, so maybe it was something. I returned it had been a cool secret mission and the waiter approached our table, took our orders and went away as Adam tilted his head curiously. “Did it fix everything?” Suddenly, I was mute. My heart felt like a therapy ball getting squished and the silver around my ring finger stung unpleasantly, sending a dreaded reminder to the surface of my mind. One I’d rather go without.

Levi could disappear. He could go back to his quiet hometown surrounded by pretty views by (Loire) that river he’d told me about many times I’d never put effort into remembering the name of. He could go back to his mother and little sister and be happy without us. Us? Yes, us – me, my parents and our house. The house I’d been very opposed to calling “his” at the beginning. His room would be empty tomorrow morning and it could stay like that if he so wished. He could leave and I’d have no say in it because I wasn’t part of the big picture for him. Just a temporary visitor – a smudge in the corner he’d barely notice. My smart mouth hadn’t earned me a bigger role. If I’d been a good person, would it have?

At the wave of uncertainty, a bright NOT EXACTLY sign blinked somewhere inside my mind in baby blue, but, as it had become known to all, my answer came out way different than that because I just looked Adam in the eyes with the biggest smile known to mankind and chirped a very confident “yes”, like the manipulative liar I was.

tag list: @unloved-cadillac ; @donaldthrts

#mtij #levi x reader #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman fanfiction #levi ackerman imagine #x reader #i love adding subplots like this lol #u kno to keep up the comedy #because other-fucking-wise this series wouldn't be so funny #LEVI IS AT IT AGAIN WITH THE CONSIDERATION #i know what we're all thinking #this chick doesn't deserve him #chillax #there are worse examples out there she need some happiness #also how good of a bff is she? honestly? minor breaches of actual fucking law to clear a simple misunderstanding #i stan my own queen #and levi for having a rebellious phrase that helped out which i won't be giving details on

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peachdues · 7 months

Text

Levi Ackerman can and will blow your back out, but he’s also the type to lean in and press his lips hard against your forehead when you’re in the middle cumming so prettily for him.

He has your legs bent and nearly pinned to your ribs beneath the solid mass of his body. His arms are braced on either side of your head, one hand loosely fisted into your hair to make sure you keep your eyes on him and him alone. Every bit of his weight bears down into you, and it strikes you that between the fullness you feel from his cock and the pressure of his body against yours means there is no part of you that isn’t being thoroughly and completely consumed by him.

He curls one arm over your head, caging you in against the pillow while the other shoves between your sweat-slickened bodies. You think he means to play with your clit, but instead his hand presses firmly against your lower stomach as he continues hammering into you, allowing the blunt head of his cock to push repeatedly against that spot deep within that makes your vision turn white and your toes curl.

“There you are — oh,” he smirks at how you begin trembling beneath him, and the vibrations of your body only magnify as he rubs his hand in time with each hard grind of his hips as his cock continues bullying deeper and deeper into your soaking heat. “That’s the spot, huh, pretty girl?”

His smug, mocking smirk is a front; you know it by the way the muscles in his shoulders tense, signaling he’s summoning every bit of his own will power to fight off his own release, far too invested in savoring yours.

You’re also trying to hold on, and he knows that; he can sense it in the way your nails bite into his back, can see it in how your teeth sink into your plump bottom lip.

You want to cum — badly. And he’s more than eager to see you fall apart.

A growl, low and possessive builds in his throat. “Go on then — be a good girl and give me what I want.”

He gives another sharp, pointed thrust of his hips, burying himself all the way to his hilt before grinding against you, hard. “Let go,” he orders, his voice firmer and you know the leash he has on his own restraint is rapidly fraying.

Levi exhales a quiet swear of relief when he feels your cunt finally seize around him like a vice, and he is transfixed by broken staccato of his name that falls from your pretty lips as your climax washes over you like a wave. A surge of pride wells in his chest at how you manage to keep your eyes locked with his, even though he knows your instinct is to let them roll back into your head as you float among the clouds of pleasured bliss only until he can reach in and haul you back down to earth.

“Atta girl,” he coos, and the pace of his hips slow from those relentless, bruising thrusts to a gentle canting, each roll into your heat deep and purposeful. Then, he feels a surge of your wetness gush over him, dampening the coarse hairs of his base as the walls of your cunt continue to flutter and pulse around him, and Levi somehow finds himself becoming even more smitten with you than he already is. “Oh — it’s a big one, isn’t it?”

And when you look up at him with those big eyes of yours — wide and sparkling with tears of pleasure and exhaustion- and you nod, lower lip quivering, Levi can’t help but lean forward to press his lips to your forehead, as he continues fucking you through your high.

“Good girl,” he murmurs against your damp forehead, his groin churning torturously against yours. “Good fucking girl, cumming for me like this.”

Each grind of his coarse base right against your clit sends sparks additional waves of electrifying pleasure rocking through you until your legs are twitching and spasming beneath him. But Levi only chuckles, the sound dark and rich and so distinctly him.

He continues to guide you through the dizzying ripples of your orgasm, and when the last, gentle wave flickers out like a candle flame, Levi imparts one, final kiss against your forehead.

And then he pulls back, but he is not finished — no where near it, in fact. One by one, your legs are pushed over his shoulders until your knees are pressed to your chest, and his lips curl into something between a grin and a sneer.

He leans down and presses his mouth to the shell of your ear, and you’re not sure whether it’s the heat or his breath or the severity of his promise that sends an excited chill down your spine as he hisses, “My turn.”

Banners from @/benkei-bear!

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ponderingmoonlight · 11 months

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Levi being separated from his wife for years after joining the scouts but finding his way back to her

Pairing: husband!Levi x fem!reader

Word Count: 2,7k

Synopsis: Just before Erwin was about to catch you in the underground city, Levi begs you to stay behind and promises to return. Years pass, years in which he never reached out once. Until an unexptected visitor knocks on your door.

Warnings: heavy angst to comfort, the last part is not proofread so have mercy, please let me know what you think as this is the second aot fanfic I'm posting <3

Tags: @lees-chaotic-brain @sanicsmut @levislegislation

Click here for a cute little spin off

You move with almost frightening speed around the countless buildings, escaping the hands of the blonde male behind you by razor’s edge. Why the hell are the survey corps so much stronger than the military police? So skilled with the 3D manoeuvre gear that it’s almost scary, haunting after you so fast that it’s getting harder and harder to escape their grasps. But everything is going according to plan, right? You need to get yourself caught, you need to join the survey crops, you-

“Move to the left. Just keep going and don’t look back. You are skilled enough to escape them alone.”

Your glossy eyes dart towards your husband in disbelief. No, he can’t be serious about what he just said. That would mean…

“But we’ll get separated”, you argue.

Levi is fully aware of what he’s asking from you. But given the neck-breaking speed and the skills of the people behind you, the risk of getting caught is greater than the benefit of staying together. And that man…Even though he promised you the world, Levi could tell by the sound of his voice that he isn’t trustworthy. He might go to hell, he might die in the process, but you.

There is absolutely no way in hell he’ll risk your life.

At least you’d be safe, even if it means he’ll be away from you for some time.

“I never intended on taking you with me, (y/n). If we’ll get separated, I will come and find you here. I promise.”

His words don’t make any sense while you shake your head in mistrust. But you agreed on going together, all four of you. Why would you stay behind, why would he even suggest something like that?

“(y/n), I don’t want to lose you because of a mission. Please, move left.”

You don’t know what to do, mind completely clouded by anger, fear and uncertainty. You would trust your husband with everything, laying your life right into his hands. But this? This means you might never see again, this means he’ll leave you here for who knows how long, this means your husband could lose his life for freedom.

“But what if I lose you?”

“You will never lose me. I promise I’ll come back to you, just trust me with this one. I love you, (y/n).”

You take a deep breath, the next intersection coming closer and closer. It’s time to make a decision.

Will you move left like Levi begged you to or will you move right and followi him like you initially planned?

With a load of gas you propel yourself past a building, moving with horrendous speed down the tight side streets of the underground.

One last glance. One last glance into the eyes of the man who is the only light in your life, one last glance into the cold blue eyes of the man who is now chasing after him.

“You better come back to me, Levi Ackerman”, you mutter to yourself while holding back bitter tears.

-a few years later-

“Take it or leave it. I will find someone else who’ll buy it.”

“Are you up on sale too?”

That’s enough. With a swift motion, you pierce through the man’s dirty hand with your knife before turning around and leaving his house in company of his pathetic screams.

It’s been years. Years since Levi go taken away from you by that blonde man with blue eyes, years since he promised that he’ll come back.

But he never did. With fast and skilled motions, you swing around, making your way back home before the military police starts getting on your nerves again.

Everything seems so cold since he left. Your worn-down house, the bed you used to share, your whole fucking life. Who knows what happened after they got caught. Are all of them still alive? Maybe something went wrong, maybe they die-

No. You shake your head vehemently. This is simply not possible. Levi Ackerman would never die through the hands of a titan, let alone a member of the survey corps. That’s absolutely impossible, unbelievable to say the least. Maybe he started a new life on the surface with his friends, lying under the sun right now while eating the most exquisite food.

Good for him. If you weren’t still stuck in this hell.

A few harsh knocks on the door rip you out of your dreams.

“Who the hell is this?”, you grumble to yourself.

You don’t expect any visitors today. To be exact, you never expected anyone to visit you. So who could this be? The man you threatened before? The military police officers you stole from? Whatever, you will figure it out somehow.

But when you open the door, you aren’t greeted by the face of a disgusting officer. No, you stare right into ice-blue eyes.

“When will you finally let me get her?”

He missed you every single day since you parted your way back then in the underground city. How are you? What are you doing? Are you even alive? Levi’s hands clenched into fist just by the thought of it. Countless lonely night that felt so empty without you by his side, countless people he lost during the process. If you knew what happened…

“Is a woman really that important to you? She must be someone really special if you’re still asking about her”, Erwin commented, staring at the captain sitting in front of him with eagle eyes.

Yes, he does remember you. The girl who took the left path back then, the only one him and his squad weren’t able to catch.

“She is my wife. If you don’t allow me to get her, I will quit my service”, Levi suddenly barked at his commander.

How unexpected. Even though Erwin could tell that you’ve meant something to him when he decided to leave you in the underground city, he never thought his relations to you would go that deep.

“Fine, if that’s what you wish I’ll go and escort her.”

“I will get her myself-“

“You have a job to do, remember? I will take Moblit with me, it shouldn’t take long, given she cooperates.”

Did he even have a choice? One look into Erwin’s face showed him more than urgent that this is nothing to be discussed. And even though he hates to admit it, somehow Erwin is right. These brats were unpredictable, along with Hange.

“Fine”, Levi finally grumbled.

As long as you’ll finally be back in his arms, he won’t complain.

“You”, you hiss through gritted teeth.

Your whole body begins to tremble in thick rage, eyes darting right through his spoiled soul. His eyes haunted you in your dreams, how he talked to your husband back then, how they pushed his gorgeous face into the dirt. You will never forgive him. No, nothing in the world could make you forgive the blonde man in front of you who stole your life away from you so cruel.

“Where is Levi?”

“Maybe if you calm down-“

“SHUT UP”, you immediately interrupt the other man behind him.

“You will pay for all these fucking years I had to live without him. You will pay for every sleepless night, for every tear that I cried. You will pay with your own pathetic life!”

With a swift motion, you lower the knife out of your sleeve, ready to hit his carotid artery with full force.

Until you suddenly fall to the ground, the last thing you are able to see being this asshole’s boots before everything turns black…

“I…hate…y-“

Silence, darkness, nothingness.

“You didn’t have to hit her this hard. Levi will definitely make you pay for punching his wife”, Erwin comments dryly before gently lifting your numb body over his shoulder.

“His wife, huh? No wonder she’s so feisty, what a pain in the ass”, Moblit remarks.

“I understand her anger. After all, I hid her husband for multiple years from her. Let’s see how she acts when she wakes up…”

-back at the base camp-

“Who’s this woman?”, Eren mumbles into his best friend’s ear, staring at the lifeless female body laying in front of Erwin’s feet.

“They just came back with her. But nobody seems to know who she is”, Armin clarifies.

Everything hurts. Your back, your head, your limbs feel like falling off every second. You feel like hit by a horse…Did the military police catch you? Did someone come for you? Impossible…

You rub your head, lids blinking against the harsh light. Where the hell are you? And why is it so damn bright here? This definitely isn’t the candle in the middle of your bedroom.

You lift your trembling limbs off the ground, groaning when a new wave of nausea rolls over you. God, why do you feel so bad? You can’t even remember what happened last. You were at the underground, you made a deal with that asshole, you returned home, it knocked.

It knocked.

Your eyes widen in pure horror when his face lights up in your head. He. He was there. The man who stole your life from you, the man who took your husband with him.

“I’m glad you’re awake, he should return every minute-“

“You.”

Your eyes roam around without an aim until his cold blue eyes meet yours.

“You took everything from me!” you scream on top of your lungs.

The air around you heats up immediately, all the voices quieting down in an instant when your trembling index finger darts towards commander Erwin Smith.

“You took my life from me, you stole my husband and now you kidnap me! I’ve had enough, you’ll pay for all your sins, for how miserable you made my life! Do you know how many lonely nights I begged for him to return, that I even started praying for him to come back home to me? You promised freedom but caged me to the underground in my hopeless dream of him returning someday!”

Again, you shoot towards him with your knife in your hand. Fuck, you hate the way hot tears start to sting in your eyes and take your sight, but you can’t help yourself. This man in front of you is the epitome of living hell, the reason you suffered all these goddamn years. You aim for his neck, ready to slice him open like a fish along with a toe-curling scream that escapes your trembling lips.

“Don’t.”

The sheer force of a pair of fingers wrapped around your wrist is enough to make you stop. This almost sounded like…

“Levi.”

“I have to explain all this to you calmly. Please put down your knife, (y/n).”

“You have some fucking nerve”, you mutter under your breath, eyes darting towards him for the first time in years.

He looks just like you remember him, figure roaming over you for a few inches, eyes as calm as the ocean, hair neatly trimmed. Yes, he is just as attractive as you remembered.

And alive.

And this is the first time you see him, after so many years.

“Where have you been all this time, huh?”, you cry out.

You free yourself out of his grasp, now storming towards him.

“What about the promise you made back then, that you’ll return to me?”

Your hands push against his firm chest harshly, fists slamming over and over against his tight muscles while all he does is standing there.

“You left me without saying goodbye, without even thinking about me twice. Do you know how much I cried that day, how much I missed my fucking husband?”

Tears stream down your face like a waterfall, voice so hoarse that it’s hard to cough out a single word that makes sense.

“Why didn’t you come back? Why did you leave me in the dark? Why-“

He can’t hold back any longer. Before you continue your ramblings, before you are able to hit him again, Levi wraps his arms around you and buries his face in the crook of your neck. God, how much he missed this, how much he missed the simplicity of holding his wife in his arms.

“I love you, (y/n)”, he breathes against your ear.

You see stars, feel like fainting, want to push him away while all you want is to be held at the same time. Countless nights you imagined what it would be like to meet him again, countless nights you pondered about his life, where he might live, what he is doing.

And now he’s standing in front of you, pressing you tightly against his firm body while all you can do is break down and cry in his inviting arms.

“Back then, I have asked you to move left because I feared what lies behind the walls. And I was right, (y/n). The things I saw, the countless lives the titans took. Isabel and Furan, they… They died on our first expedition. It wasn’t safe to drag you into this world. Even if I wanted nothing more than to hold you in my arms again, I figured it would be easier to know you live as far away from the titans and me than being in danger…”

“You idiot”, you spit into the face you learned to love long ago.

“I would rather die by your side than live alone at the safest place. Don’t you understand that all I wanted was to be with you?”

Your words echo through his mind, the past years replaying themselves in front of his eyes like a movie. It’s been so damn long. He should have asked about getting you sooner, he should have moved hell and earth to get you out of the underground.

“I’m sorry about all those years, (y/n). You were the only thing on my mind this whole time, I was longing for your touch, for your presence. I wrote a list of things I want to show you. I know how much I’m asking for, but please forgive me, please be by my side right here and now.”

Is it really this simple? Is one look in his lovely face enough to forget all those years you’ve waited for him? Your heart pounds hard against your ribcage, all pairs of eyes seem to be set on you. What are you supposed to do?

“A simple sorry won’t take away all those years I’ve waited for you.”

Levi swallows hard, this usual cool composure slowly but surely breaking away. Fuck, he messed up. He should have gone after you immediately, he should have ignored Erwin’s advice. If you leave him right here on the spot…His eyes widen in thick fear. No, this would completely tear him apart. After all, you are his precious wife, the love of his life, the only reason he kept going despite all the people that died in front of his eyes.

“But I won’t live in the past with regrets. I was hoping forward for this day so long, let’s enjoy it.”

And then you return his hug, wrapping your arms around his ribcage like you used to. Levi lets himself fall into your touch, soaks in the decent smell of citrons on your clothes. God, how much he missed this, how much he missed you.

“We will never return to the underground, my darling. Your place is right here under the sun.”

You press your lips against his hungrily, soaking up this precious moment. This is exactly how you imagined your reunion. Maybe a few years earlier, maybe being escorted by himself. But god, you can’t help but get lost against his mouth, your fingers re-discovering the valleys of his well-toned body.

“Huh, what’s going on here? HUH, DID I MISS SOMETHING!?”

Levi slowly removes his lips from yours, cold eyes staring darkly behind you. You follow his gaze, looking directly into the way too near face someone wearing glasses.

“This is my wife, shitty four-eyes. Can you stop bothering her?”

“WHAT? You never mentioned anything about a wife! Oh, what a gorgeous woman she is! And you’re just as small as Levi himself. Huh, maybe that’s what comes with living under the ground, right? But don’t worry, you will be just fine here! Apart from some titans here and there, and maybe titan shifters and don’t forget those-“

“Shut.Up.”, Levi hisses through gritted teeth.

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kentopedia · 10 months

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.𖥔 ݁ ˖ panacea — levi ackerman

summary. it's been hard to talk to levi after the rumbling

contents. written with fem!reader in mind but no gendered pronouns used, ex-scout!reader, postwar!levi, established relationship, sfw, angst, comfort, references to ptsd and depression, early in the healing process — 2.1k

notes. writing post-war levi is a little intimidating, but i hope i did him justice <3 please ignore any spelling or grammar isses

the sound of a crash in the other room pulled you out of your sleep, tugging you out of a nightmare that you didn’t want to be caught in anyway.

a groan came next—hushed but still audible, following the sound of something falling. though there was no need to be on alert, your heart hammered in your chest, your mind still caught in the titan’s den, not the place you called home.

when you finally calmed down, reshaped your thoughts to reality, you shifted onto your other side, reaching out for levi. though, he wasn't in the bed besides you; the space had grown cold, the blankets thrown back. the shape of his head was no longer evident on the pillow.

you sat up, moving quickly as you shook off the covers and padded into the other room. the brisk night air caused you to shiver, and the floor was even colder under your bare feet. still, you were too focused on the sounds you’d heard to even worry about grabbing a jacket.

there was a light on in the living room, a candle lit on table, and a book propped open next to it. clear signs that levi had been awake for a while, that sleep eluded him, even now.

“levi?” you said softly as you rubbed your eyes, your voice hoarse from misuse. “are you okay?”

you wrapped an arm around yourself, swallowing down any pity as you blinked at the dismal sight of levi next to the wheelchair, his expression screwed up in a blizzard of frustration and defeat. his legs laid out in front of him, and he stared at them, blue eyes hard as if trying to will them to do his bidding.

this wasn’t the first time that levi had tried to push himself too hard, that he had tested his physical limits, and it wouldn't be the last. for years, he’d survived on sheer willpower. he’d gotten out of the underground from his own force and strength, his promise to erwin enough to keep him alive despite everything he suffered.

though, for once, even his determination wasn't enough. it couldn’t rewind the clock, couldn't make his legs as they’d once been.

it had been an adjustment, and it still was—though, everything after the rumbling was an adjustment.

for a while, after it had ended, levi hadn’t spoken to you. he didn’t want your help, and though you wanted to be by his side, you didn't want his anger. the last thing you wanted to do was make him feel smothered.

you tried your best to be patient. you’d continue to be patient with him, even when sometimes, you felt like he forget that you had lost, nonetheless.

“i’m fine,” he said gruffly, pulling himself up with the strength that he refused to let go of. levi was weaker now, his physical capabilities nowhere near where they’d once been, but he was still levi ackerman—he always would be.

you watched him struggle for a moment, and you chewed your lip, taking a step forward. “levi…”

“i said i’m fine.” he didn’t quite shout at you, but his tone was sharp, his voice raised in the commanding way he’d always used as a captain.

since the day you’d met levi, he’d always been snappy, sarcasm dripping from his tongue, but he was never cruel. now, though, he was content to let his bitterness serve as a balm for his wounds instead of your affection.

but things like that didn’t bother you anymore. a careless bite of snark couldn’t bother you when you’d been to hell and back with him.

“okay.” you blinked, shifting on your heels, feeling stupid and confused and guilty. though for what, you weren’t sure. still, you could do nothing but stare as levi dragged himself back into the wheelchair, putting pressure on the leg that had not been completely shattered. “please be careful.”

“can you just—” levi snapped, but then his gaze met your own, piercing your lost, uncertain irises, and he softened. a long, careful sigh released, and he retraced his words, starting again. “i’m sorry. but you don’t need to worry so much. it’s been enough time.”

you nodded, and levi turned back to his book, pulling himself closer to the table. as he glued his eyes on the pages, you glanced at his scars, his beautiful hands, a testament to his strength and all he’d done to survive.

despite yourself, tears welled up in your eyes, and you batted them away, not wanting him to see. maybe, sometimes, levi didn’t feel the same... but you were grateful, every day, that he was still alive. “will you ever talk to me?”

he turned, craning his neck to face you, playing the fool. “about what? i’m talking to you right now.”

your lip quivered at his impassivity. “don’t do that again to me, levi. you know what i’m talking about. sometimes you're content to pretend like nothing’s changed, and it tears me apart.”

levi shifted his arms, regarded you with a long stare, his lips curled into something between a sneer and a frown. “then you’re welcome to leave. i don’t need a caretaker.”

you gawked at him, knowing that he was only trying to push your buttons, but it annoyed you nonetheless. the comment was so out of left field that you couldn’t wrap your head around where it had come from. all you’d wanted to do was love him, show him your unwavering care and support, without feeling like a stifling annoyance.

though, for a moment, doubt consumed you. maybe you hadn’t done enough. perhaps you had become a recluse of your own in the recent months, still recovering from everything you’d gone through. “leave? why would i leave?”

levi’s eyes narrowed, though more out of curiosity, a deep inhale escaping him. he peered back down at his hands, his legs, before deflating. “i’m not the person you fell in love with. i’m not humanity’s strongest anymore. i’m a man who can’t even stand on his own.”

“levi—” you rubbed your hands together, watching the slow rise and fall of his chest. “do you honestly think i care about that? you hate being called that anyway.”

he snorted, but it was full of a defeat you’d never known him to show. “maybe i got used to it.”

silence fell between you, and though you understood, knew what he was admitting to you, you found yourself at a loss for a words. talking with levi had once been so easy, but now, it felt like you could never say the right thing.

you opened your mouth, willing something sensible to come out, but levi beat you to it, slicing his chest open and bearing it to you with bloodied hands.

“i just…” he began, his face pinched at the sound of his weakened voice. “i’m just not sure what i’m supposed to do now. i spent the past decade fighting. and the decade before that, fighting. and the decade before that…”

your heart ached. you took a step forward, close enough so you could touch him. “but you don’t need to fight anymore. the war is over.”

“the war is never over.” the words didn’t leave as much of a punch as he intended. levi finally turned to face you, something sad in his dark blue irises. “those brats could barely win with me, imagine them without me.”

you softened. levi’s pain was unending. perhaps a part of him still grieved for the man he’d been before the war, but you knew that was not the reason for his melancholy. you knew, even if he never said it, that he felt as if he’d failed all the kids he’d brought onto his squad. that he’d failed eren.

“levi, they’re not children anymore,” you said quietly, grasping his hand. you remembered being nineteen, being thrust into the bloodshed and misery of the world you lived in. at least, now, levi’s squad could try to live a semblance of a normal life. they got an early start, a chance to try again, even if still wracked by anguish and longing. “if they need to fight, they can fight. you’ve done your time, my love. you’ve given more than enough.” you brushed your fingers along his scars. “let yourself rest.”

a beat passed before he answered.

“i don’t know how.”

you swallowed, biting back the sadness that you didn’t feel warranted to. sometimes, knowing everything that levi had suffered, knowing the depths of his pain, made you feel undeserving of your disdain towards the world. even if you were hurting too.

“i know,” you said, running your other hand through his hair, flattening the pieces that had been disheveled in his sleep. “but i want to be there for you. i want to heal with you. please don’t push me away, levi. if you think you’re doing me a favor, you’re not.”

“i’m never going to be the same as i was before,” he said sharply, as if that could somehow change your mind.

you brought yourself closer to him, releasing his hand so you could wrap your arms around him instead, bring his head to your chest in a warm embrace. for once, levi didn’t protest. he leaned against you, inhaling, letting his arms rest limply on his lap.

“no one is the same. the rumbling changed us all. even me. you’re such a fool if you think anyone can look at you and see a weak man.” you squeezed him tighter. levi’s arms came around you as tears spilled out of your eyes, his palm warm on your lower back. “you’re the strongest person i’ve ever met. it breaks my heart that you could think otherwise.”

tears dripped off your chin, falling into his hair. although you tried to stop them, letting go of levi and sniffling to wipe your eyes, you couldn’t cease the ache in your chest. you released the sobs you’d held back for his sake, for everyone’s sake.

why should you get to cry when everyone else had lost so much?

“i love you, just as you are. i fell in love with you because of the kindness in your heart, and i will always love you because of that. i—”

“hey,” levi pushed you away, reaching up to wipe at the tears that lingered on your cheek. “i didn’t mean to make you cry,” he said, looking more horrified about that than he had the past few weeks of recovery and hospitalization. “i’m sorry. i’m sorry.”

“i’m okay,” you tried, lip quivering at the feeling of levi’s fingers on your cheek. it had been a while since you’d kissed him like you meant to, memories of war consuming every peaceful moment between you.

“no. you’re not.” he sighed, stroking your face with tender eyes, the malice melting away from his expression completely. “you’re not. i should’ve noticed.”

“i’m good about hiding it."

“that doesn’t make it any better,” he frowned, cupping your cheeks with both hands. “i know that better than anyone. i know you better than anyone.”

you turned into his hand, kissing his palm tenderly, beneath the spot where his index and middle finger had once been, stopping him before he could apologize again. “and i know you, levi. i know we should both stop trying to hide our pain from the other, and try our best to move on together.” you sighed, smiling through your tears. “can we do that?”

levi stared at you for a moment, eyebrows knit together as he wiped at the wetness, the shadows under your eyes. though there was a battle behind his irises, a conflict, there always had been. for the remainder of his life, for the peaceful years you’d get to cherish together... even then, you weren’t sure levi could let go of the war.

but that would be okay. after all, you’d always sworn to fight to the death by captain levi ackerman's side.

the exhale from your chest breathed life through levi's inhale. a smile smile graced his lips as you finally stopped crying. he nodded.

“we can try.”

thank you for reading! reblogs appreciated!

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leviismybby · 5 months

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Bad Idea

Levi Ackerman x fem!reader, nsfw 18+, mdni, virginity loss, age gap! Levi is in his 30s, the reader in her 20s, oh this is rough filth

Levi didn't care about the assigned rooms, his mind focused on the upcoming mission. His grey eyes follow the building where he will be staying for the next few days before heading outside of the walls. He heads inside, looking for his room number, he wonders if you're ready there and what you think about having to share a room with him. He knocks before entering just in case, the last thing he wanted to do is make you uncomfortable. When you say that he can come in, he does, carrying not but a single bag with him. The room was small and it had a single bed. Great. Just perfect.

You look at your Captain before your eyes fall on the bed, there was space for the two of you but it didn't make the situation any less tense. "I can sleep on the floor." That makes Levi look at you as he closes the door behind him, if anything he is the one who can sleep on the floor or the chair, he has a hard time sleeping anyway. "Nonesense There's room for both of us." He adds, setting his bag down on the bedside table, you don't speak on the matter further, he is the captain and questioning his orders is a bad idea. You nod not knowing what to say next, you don't know him that well.

As the sun set you were getting ready for bed, you had an early day and couldn't wait to get under the sheets, even of they are the same sheets your captain will be using too. After changing into your pyjamas and brushing your teeth, tou came back into the room which was now dimly lit as Levi sat at the desk writing at the paperwork with a candle burning next to him. He pays you no mind continuing to do this thing, you don't want to disturb him but you had to ask. "Ugh captain, which side would you like?" That catches his attention and he looks back at you, his eyes checks you up and down quickly before answering. "Who fucking cares. Sleep where you want." With that he turns back to finish the paperwork, he sighs slighty, you were a pretty girl in his eyes and it irritated him. "And please call me Levi."

Getting under the sheets, you try to make yourself comfortable, the only noises in the room are the quill Levi is writing with. You close your eyes trying to get sleep to wash over you but it doesn't, instead you turn and twist in the sheets, he makes you nervous, incredibly nervous and you would never admit to anyone just how much you're attracted to him, he was good eight years older than you and that added to the appeal. You rub your thighs together slighty, this wasn't a place to think about those things, he never even looked at you differently, it was ridiculous to get these naughty thoughts especially now when the man was in the same room as you. And you don't even know what it feels like, you were never with a man, sure you had your kisses but your first was something you want to give someone special.

After sometime of tossing in the bed, Levi sits on his side, your back in turned on him but you can hear him take his boots off. Was he going to sleep in his uniform...? Levi lays down on the other side, keeping his distance, he knows you're not sleeping and wonders what is keeping you awake. "Can't sleep?" He asks after sometime, his voice sending a shiver down your spine. "..no...my thoughts won't let me." You say with honesty, it was the truth however you definitely aren't telling him what kind of thoughts tho, he doesn't need to know. Levi looks at you, your back still turned on him, you look around the dark room, waiting for him to reply. "Your thoughts huh? Or is that you don't want to share the bed with me?" Levi can tell by your body language that something is up, you don't seem all too comfortable.

"What?? Not its not that.....I am not uncomfortable it's just-" You cut yourself off, not wanting him to think less of you. Taking a deep breath you continue to talk. "I have never shared a bed with a man." Those words are said quickly and quietly but Levi hears them all. A slight curiosity runs through him, it shouldn't, you were his subordinate, he really shouldn't be thinking what he is thinking right now. "Is that so? Never had a boyfriend?" There's something about his voice that sounds mocking, almost as of he is teasing you. "Not really." You mumble, it wasn't that you didn't want a relationship, it's that all the men your age seem....immature. "I just- I guess men my age aren't exactly-" "Your type?" He cuts in, already seeing what you're trying to say. "No, not my type at all." You shiver as the thought of being with him runs around your mind, you should really get that fantasy out of your head.

There's a shift in the air, you feel as if he can read all of your mind and exactly what you're thinking of. Levi scoots closer to you, you feel his body coming closer to your and you freeze. "What is your type?" He runs a finger down your back and you have to hold back a moan you aren't pulling away, you don't want to. When he sees that you aren't stopping him, he moves even closer, he removes your hair to expose the back of your neck. Leaning closer, you can feel his breath on your skin, another shiver running down your body. His lips make contact with your skin, he nibbles gently on your neck, his hand move down to your waist, his hand running under your shirt, caressing the soft skin of your stomach. Levi wants to hear you, wants to hear your moans, what's to make you beg. He bites into your skin and that causes a moan to surpass your mouth, Levi groans, it's even sweeter than he thought, he needs more.

"Turn around." He says, voice filled with lust, you do as you're told, turning around to face him. Levi is still in his uniform, his straps are undone and his cravat hang around his neck. You feel your panties get wet a little more, slightly embarrassed you look away but before your head can turn, Levi grabs your jaw and makes you look at him. Levi's thumb runs across your lip, your eyes shine with desire and he loves it, craves it. "I'll ask you this only once so answer honestly. Do you want me to fuck you?" His words surprise, Levi isn't sugercoating it and he clearly isn't a romantic, that makes it all so much more appealing. You swallow and then answer. "Yes." It's a desperate tone but not enough for Levi. "You can do better than that." He needs to hear it from your pretty lips. "I want you to fuck me, Levi." You don't look away, looking him straight in the eyes and you swear that he smirks for a second. "Good girl."

He kisses you, his hands pull you closer into his body. You follow his movements, kissing him the best you can while your hands wrap around him. Levi turns you onto your back to get on top of you, his kisses growing more intense, his tongue enters your mouth, a slight moan escaping you as his fingers spread your thighs apart so he can lay between your legs comfortably. You can feel his boner pressing against your clothed pussy and without much thinking, you roll your hips wanting more contact. Pulling away from the kiss, he growls. "Mhh there you go." He kisses down your jaw to your neck, leaving a trace of open-mouthed kisses, his hands start exploring upwards, eager to undress you. You're supposed to be nervous but you aren't at all, all you want is for him to take you, it's even better than what you imagined.

You start to get braver with your hands, they wonder around his upper body before pulling on his shirt wanting it off his body. Levi gets message, he bites into your neck, leaving a mark behind before pulling away to get rid of his shirt. His naked upper body comes into your view, you have seen it before when he was patching up his wounds but this was different, those perfect defined abs and biceps, the v line running down into his pants, you bite your lip, your fingers running down his abs. Levi kisses you again, it was his turn to have you undressed, your hands run down the muscles of his back, his hips rolling into your as he kisses you sloppily. His hands are roughly pulling your shirt over your breasts, he doesn't take it off entirely, he doesn't need to. His lips move to your neck again, he kisses over the red spots he left earlier on it, Levi starts to move lower kissing over collarbone before reaching your breasts. His eyes lock onto them, admiring them for a second before he looks at you, your eyes are telling him all, you want him even more than he let on.

"Fucking perfect." Whispering under his breath, he takes the plush flesh into his hands, massaging them. A loud moan comes out of your lips, your hand fall to grip the sheets. Levi's mouth closes around your nipple, he is still holding your breasts in his hands, pushing them together. "Mhh Levi!" You whimper his name and in return Levi swirls his tongue around your swollen bud, you gasp, hands flying to his biceps. He pulls away from your nipple, his saliva connected to your nipple. "So fucking eager aren't you?" He sucks on the other nipple, his fingers playing with the other one, pinching it between his fingers. Your head falls to the side, the pleasure is overwhelming and he isn't even touching you where you need him the most yet.

Levi sucks and plays with your nipples for a few minutes and you feel like you can cum just from that. Starting to stir, Levi bites into your bund playfully, making you dig your nails into his bicep. He moves on, kissing your stomach and biting here and there, leaving marks that will remind you of the fact that he got to have you first. Not some useless boy your age, him, your captain. His lips reach the rim of your pants and he teases you by licking across your navel and than up your stomach, he bites into your breast, leaving a hickey there too. "Levii!" Again, you sound desperate, wanting him to move on. "Begging are you sweetheart? How cute." He is definitely mocking you now, his teeth bite into your other boob, sucking on the flesh even more intensely.

When you start to stir, Levi slaps your thigh lightly as if telling you to behave. After marking your breast, he finally moves on, he takes the hem of your pants and pulls them down, revealing your panties. He immediately sees the wet spot on the fabric, spreading your legs he goes lower, his face directly in front of your core. That gives you a shiver, your legs threatening to close but Levi is quick to spread you open again. "No, no. Keep them open for me, understood?" You nod, that's not enough, he wants to hear your voice. Putting one of your legs over his shoulder, he bites into your inner thigh, once again marking his territory. "Understood, Captain!" You say, your fingers treading through his raven hair. "That's a good girl."

His bites reach closer and closer to your wetness, when he reaches your pussy, he presses kisses on the wet spot over the underwear. Your hips buck slighty, another sound emerging from your swollen lips, this was all so new and Levi was doing it so good. He kisses the spot again before hooking his fingers around the fabric and pulling your panties down, he throws them on the floor next to his shirt. Your legs close again on instinct and Levi is quick to spread them open again, his eyes glued to your folds and he watches it it twitches under his gaze. "All this wet pussy for me huh?" He leans down gently licking your slit, you tug on his hair, your hips bucking more, this feels so good, better than anything. His grey eyes shoot up to your face, every expression you make fuels him up more. He starts to eat you out, his tongue skillfully working on your pussy, you start to move around, gripping onto anything you can, his mouth feels amazing.

"You like that don't you, sweetheart?" His fingers grip your thighs leaving marks on the flesh, he moves his hand to your stomach, leaving it there while skillfully working on your wetness with his mouth. "Yes! Oh fuck Levi!" Your eyes start to roll back, Levi groans against your cunt, the sound sending vibration all through your heat. Levi's tongue finds your clit, he starts with slow licks, driving you crazy, the moans you're letting out are music to his ears. "So fucking sensitive." He uses his fingers to rub your folds while he sucks on your clit, he needs to prep you for the real thing. His fingers enters you and that causes your back to arch, rubbing more against Levi's mouth. Its certain that other can hear how loud you are but Levi could care less, the louder you are, the more turned on he is. The fingering starts off slowly, his finger pumping in and out of you. "Fuck you're tight. Can't wait to fuck this wet cunt."

Levi spits on your pussy and then starts to eat you out again, his jaw moving faster and his finger moving more gently, its a perfect combination. Sometimes starts to built up in your stomach, it feels like butterflies are flying all over your abdomen, like a burning fire but the fire is pleasure instead of pain. Adding a second finger, Levi's hips start to rut into the mattress, he needs release soon but this is all about giving you a night you won't forget. "Levi! I am-hhhghh!" He starts to finger fuck you faster, his fingers reaching that gummy spot as his mouth works on you. And the sounds, oh they are nasty wet and loud but Levi isn't slowing down, his mouth pulls away, his fingers still pumping into you. "Yeah? Gonna cum aren't you? Be a good girl for me and cum." His head rests against your thigh, his mouth and jaw are glistening with your jucies. You pull on his hair, a loud moan od his name comes out of you, your hips buck, legs shake, it's the most intense thing you have ever felt, your walls clench toghtly around his fingers and you cum, completely overcome by pleasure.

Your head falls back against the pillow, your breath heavy as you calm down from your high, Levi pulls his fingers out slowly. He puts them in his mouth, teasting you once again, kissing up your body again, Levi's hands massage your thighs. When he gets to your face, he kisses the aide of your face. "Need a moment?" He asks, nibbling on your ear, his fingers interlocking with yours and you nod. After a few moments you open your eyes looking at him, you're cheeks are red, mouth wide open, he wants to revish you, fuck you until the only thing you know is him and him only. He kisses you on the lips, the kiss as sloppy as the previous one, you kiss back, your fingers squeezing his hands as he has them pinned above your head. Eventually when he let's go, your hand runs down his body again and this time your tug on his belt, undoing it for him. "Good girl, so eager to get fucked." You bite your lip at his words as his belt comes off. Levi helps you, pulling his pants down with his underwear, he gets rid of it and again throws it on the pile of clothes on the floor.

Curiously, you take his hard cock into your hand, rubbing it up and down. Levi grunts in response, your hand felt so warm and perfect. You pump him in your hand a couple of times before letting go, giving him a sigh that you want him inside of you. "I want you inside of me, Levi." He kisses the side of your neck, you feel his hair brushing your skin. "You'll get me, sweetheart. I can't wait to fuck you." He grabs the base of his cock before positioning it against your entrance, you whimper feeling hic cockhead rub aagsint your wet opening. "Fuck....you want me huh?" Levi wants you to beg for it, he needs it all. "Please Levi! Please! I want you to fuck me." That's all he needed, he pushes his hips forward, his cock pushes past your walls, you gasp, hands gripping the sheets as you close your eyes. "Oi! Eyes on me, let me see you." Looking at him, you watch as his face narrows slighty and then his hands grab your hips. "Can I move?" Despite the list in his voice, there is care there too and you nod, grabbing the mattress even tighter as you feel him move.

He starts to fuck you, enjoying every single moan and response of your body. It's slighty painful but the more he moves, the better it feels. Levi starts to thrust harder inti you, your moans get louder, it feels so good. "You're so..fucking...tight. You feel so good, baby." Your hands run up and down his back as he continues to ram into you, his cock feels like it was made for you. Levi hisses when your pussy clenches around him, he lifts your hips up slightly to get deeper inside of you. "Fuuuck Levi!" Your nails dig into his back, his cock hits that deep spot inside of you, causing you to almost see starts, you won't last much longer before cumming again. Levi starts to pund you faster, letting out rough grunts and groans, you feel so good, so right, it's driving him mad.

Before you can react, Levi pushes your knees up to your chest, folding you and then slams into your harder, your moans are swallowed by his lips as he kisses you passionately. He moans agasint your lips when you keep clamping down on him, your body arching more into him, his nails dig into the back of thighs, he keeps you spread, fucking you harder. You pull away from the kiss when his cock hits your cervix, it's painful but feels so good at the same time. Levi grabs your hair making you look at him. "Keep those pretty eyes on me while I fuck you, baby." His forehead presses agsint yours, his thrusts get messy, he is getting close and so are you.

The knot in your stomach is creating again and this one is somehow more intense than your last climax. "Shit..I'll cum deep inside this cunt.." He fucks you in a slower pace and you feel as his cock twitches inside of you, that's nrouhh for you as you feel yourself cumming around his cock. "Atta girl. Cum for me, cum around my cock." His hands are gripping your hips so hard you're sure they will leave bruises but you don't care, not now. Levi fucks you through your orgasm, he tries his best to hold back as much as he can and he knows he shouldn't cum inside of you however it's irresistible to him, he wants you filled with his cum.

With one last groan, Levi slams hard into you and then cums deep inside of you. Your nails are still digging into his back, his cum feels warm filling you up to the brim. Levi kisses you on the lips as he finishes cumming, he pulls your body closer and let's go of your legs. The sheets are ruined beanth you but that's not a worry for either of you right now. You return the kiss, your fingers gently running down back, feeling the scratches you left behind. Both of you pull away and Levi looks at you, his eyes looking over the marks on your body, he almost feels bad, almost, he is proud of his work. Proud that you trusted him enough to let him do this. And now the mission is that much more exciting.

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