#<- YESSS I LOVE THAT ONE. THAT SCENE ESPECIALLY MAKES ME INSANE

[1pcii]

GOD YES THATS ABSOLUTELY HEARTBREAKING. like they were just childeren... with such big shoes they wanted to fill 😭. i do kinda find the parallel between zoro and usopp kinda interesting now that you mention it, two sets of lonely kids finding the will to live and persue their dreams in each other </3. usopp and kaya are the good ending ig, they both get to do what they've dreamed off with a promise to meet again someday after they accomplish their goals :').

it makes me SAD like that was zoro's best friend and they TOOK HER AWAY WHAT THE FUCK DUDE. she's right by all the really important people in the strawhat's lives, zoro never forgets her and carries her sword and her dream and I'm Never Getting Over It

YEAAA 😭😭😭 and all zoro has left is her sword, will and 2nd earring to represent her by, he carries her in everything he does (everytime he goes on about how be made a promise to his captain and A BEST FRIEND. im crying i love them so much).

(side note i checked the notes for that post and saw that it was just our past reblogs/tags in there which is SO funny to me. swordposting was our kuina meets tashigi in loguetown au moment fr) asadfgjkh yesss. i just noticed that after checking too. true one piece transmasc patriots moment o7

ASDGHJHFGDGFSJG THATS SUCH A CUTE PIC theyre so cute and silly <333!!! (also random detail but they gave opla kuina zoros uniform w the shorts and tall boots and zoro the long trousers :O idk if it has any purpose but, inchresting). i absolutey LOVED kuina (and zoros) child actors, they were incredible and she made me cry abt their story all over again :')

INSANE THEY MAKE ME INSANE

THIS!! KIDS DO NOT GIVE A SHIT!! ^^^^ zoro yelling at kuina because she's saying zoro's the lucky one-- when he was the one who lost. how zoro thinks that's stupid of her to think and that she's acting like she doesn't work hard for her skill... and how that actually works to quell her self doubts for a bit hanfahfadim. Agony.

when the catharsis before the hubris 😶. zoro being the worlds first accidental feminist through sheer willpower and love of swordfighting alone. i love them forever

the fact her own father didn't think she could do it; her father of people, someone so composed and rational...

this is fucking me up because like, imagine how frustrated she mustve felt every time. like idk if hed do it intentionaly but the feelings that maybe you are the 'hysterical' one for being so 'emotional' around a person like that... i really wish we got more insight on koshiro/the background on him and kuina... i want to study him so baddd XO.

she musve felt so scared and alone and ill never get over it... the fact she only gains a LITTLE bit of catharsis RIGHT BEFORE SHE DIES 😭😭😭

animanga kuina is like that one ta or something in a class full of 4th grader lmao

koshiro: kuina we lost zoro again can you take over so i can check the woods to see where he is? kuina(internally): thats the third time this week and its only monday. this is the kid that plans to surpass me 🙄? i should beat his ass extra hard next dual just for this.

the teen angst in both of them rlly does add a little something. that does remind me abt this post talks abt how their ages being different sorta recontextualizes their story, its pretty cool!

ZORO ADOPTING MORE FEMINIE FIGHTING STYLES IN OPLA TO REMEBER KUINA IM SOBBING

i read this fic you linked earlier (will be writing a proper ask soon because it was SO GOOD) and thinking about how zoro in canon does similar stuff; wears his bandana to look more like her, wears her shirt, her sword etc... oda LET HIM TRANSITION FOR HIS FIGHT AGAINST MIHAWK PLEASE IT WOULD BE SO GOOD.

HONESTLYYY I will die on the hill that kuina and Zoro's fight is one of the best. it may not be a super big one but it is sooo narratively important and practically shaped zoro as a person.

but also highly recommended this other post that actually does deep dive into the choreography and how she compares to mihawk (MY FUCKING GIRLLL. SHES SO COOL)

god people having a similar amount of brainrot abt kuina as cora would genuinely be so amazing. like I get Cora has a teeny bit more screentime but kuina is important to the #2 most popular character in all on 1pc! put more respect on her name. not anyone else can say they've defeated him 2001 times!!!

it is sooo so interesting to me and i totally agree that sanji's thing with gender probably gets talked about way more because of how is behavior is

mh, i feel like sanji has alot more obvious to pick up and analyse complexity, his trans coding gets a whole arc while zoros is more a casual hc yknow? a lot more subtle. ig in a way reiju is zoros kuina but opposite in every way. zoros whole deal hinges on a single person and fight and conversation etc. the brainrotters get it 💪

THEIR BANTER IS SO FUNNY, like they had actual beef w each other before their fight its hilarious. kuina coping by abolutely ripping into other students is such a good concept, go boyboss go. 1005 DESERVES IT 🤝

also the excitement for irl kuina fighting is so real 😖. OPLA zoro Vs kuina was beautiful to watch (zoro's edgy ass asking her to kill him will never not be gold). KUINA LORE FTW 💪💪💪

SHADAHKNKAS saw u in the notes of some kuina posts and that made me realize that there is simply a bond with kuina and tashigi fans, who may even often be the same fan, because AOUGHHH KUINA I CARE HIM SO MUCH episode 19 literally changed me forever. swords + gender struggles are all you need to hook me on a character sometimes Maybe. the whole greatest swordsman promise... sob. also. something about zoro promising his name will reach the heavens and trans kuina. which made me think.. what if kuina and The trans fear of dying then having your deadname on your tombstone that you can't do anything about because you're dead. kuina dying before they even get to figure everything out and all of a sudden he's just known as kuina forever, and then zoro making a name for himself in kuina's honor or something idk (i like zoro's backstory) (KUINA )

THERE ISS. people who theorise that they are secretly related or the same person or direct parallels are so close to getting it but don't imo (no shade to those theories tho, I just personally find them narratively unsatisfying).

like they are parallels in that kuina is symbolic of the sexism people suffer and tashigi is an adult woman who has come out the other end sword swinging but ultimately so unsure of herself as a result. also the (trans)genderisms, we are all hand in hand 🤝.

MAN KUINAS STORY BROKE ME DOWN ON A BASE LEVEL AND REWIRED NY BRAIN. I had to take a break from reading just to let it soak in it's so good, a swordsmans promise indeed, that scene was beautiful, I love zoro the world's first a accidental feminist <3. zoro carrying on her dream with his will never not have me in hysterics.

FUCK YEA THATS SUCH A GOOD IDEA. I have soo many thoughts about baby!zoro and kuina and trangenderism. egg kuina cis zoro, egg kuina STEALTH TRANS ZORO ABSVDJFBKSHDKDN <333.

little baby zoro looking at his grave with the uncontrollable urge to carve out those letters. to carry and rearrange them and make sure they get back to him in the afterlife spelling 'worlds greatest swordsman'.

trans kuina makes me so emotional because ultimately I don't know if they were canonically trans but it's my FAVOURITE 'what if' for them. they never really got to be anyone outside the dojo masters daughter. the failure of a heir and the girl who beat zoro 2001 times. who would they have been if they got to grow up? come to terms with themselves and unlearned all that heavy, painful biases pushed onto them? as a transmasc who's studying into a (cis)male dominated field myself ik, the feelings of 'betrayal' and 'proving misogynists right' and imposter syndrome and inadequacy issues and perfectionism they might've gone through,,, sobbing my eyes out HE MEANS EVERYTHING TO MEE.

zoros backstory is genuinely one of my favourite parts of the manga idc how 'simple' it was it's still beautiful.

[i-sveikata]

Hiiii!

I just wanted to tell you that I LOVED this chapter. It was so long, it took me half a day to read and I loved it all the way! I love to dedicate one peaceful day to read it all without rushing so I'm glad I had free time!! I can't even believe you had even more previously written. And I can't help but think you have generously left in the fingering scene just at the end of the chapter! Thank you so much, we have been waiting for so long and it was worth it!! Good for Pete too lol.

It's insane how these sex scenes feel more intimate and intense than before. I loved all these honest conversations in the car. They needed it just as we did.

And Vegas just wanted to cuddle 😭😭😭 Omg this poor little meow meow wants cuddles and doesn't know how to communicate his needs! Poor baby, he is so confused with all these emotions. And Pete just hugged him and made him feel safe 😭 I can't, this was so goooood and sad at the same time. They really leveled up their relationship in these few hours, I'm so happy for them!! I love how Pete learned how to comfort Vegas and this is so important for the next possible hardships with Russians or the main family. Pete putting his hand on Vegas's neck👌

I honestly would love for them to create more trust and understanding. It would make them more powerful for the future.

Another thing is I really liked the description of the hotel. Honestly would love to be there myself 😅 Did you took some specific references for this hotel?

I will write again when I will reread the chapter and have more thoughts 😅

Thank you so much for this one! It was a delight and I'm so glad you keep going after all this time. Your skills and dedication are excellent! ❤️

Oh thank you so much!!!! That makes me so happy 💛 ahh that sounds so nice to just dedicate your time for a peaceful read what a vibe! Yeah omg me severely underestimating how much I’d written was actually so so funny. But added plus now heaps of the next chapter is already written (and the wait will be nowhere near as long as the last break)

Ngl I absolutely made sure the fingering stayed in this chap hahaha because I know I’d teased a few things that I didn’t even up giving you all!! So mean lmao (and totally not intentional seriously my bad there) yes the intimacy between them is most definitely deepening!! They are descending very quickly into a full partnership with each other which was what a lot of those conversations in the car helped represent (and clear up any of the uncertainties that either of them had)

Yesss Vegas reaching out to him because he had an emotional need that wasn’t being fulfilled is a HUGE step for him especially because Pete was able to sift through his self destructive nonsense to figure out what he was trying to do. Yeah for sure they’re developing further as a couple in a lot of interesting ways that we haven’t seen yet it’s so fun to watch it unfold!!

Yes they’ve had a bit of a setback from the coup trust wise but Pete knows Vegas wants to fix things and prove that he won’t abandon Pete like that again and I think Pete also learned a pretty important lesson about assuming that he always has control (even if most of the time that control is willingly given by Vegas) but yes when they work through that it will definitely make them stronger in future!

Omg lol the hotel is REAL. I just googled 5 star hotels and picked a place based off vibes, then I went though all of the pictures on like TripAdvisor lmao author research dedication for real 😂

Oh totally fine we love more thoughts!! Thank you so much for saying so you’re really sweet and I super appreciate it!!

[itsjaywalkers]

OKAY MY SWEET STARFLY i just finished footloose n you are SOOO right. it's sm better than the original like,,,the dialogue flows a lot better n the soundtrack mmmm so good

obviously i can't consume anything without inserting marauders into it—james is so ren oml!!! willard n him are james n sirius coded ESPECIALLY the montage of ren teaching willard to dance

"do you wanna kiss me?" "someday." JEGULUSSSS you're so right i need a fic of them. regulus as the reverends son??? james as the new guy from the city who just messes everything up???? i need it so bad

sorry, i need to talk abt the scene of ren just going off in the garage,,,to quote my mother who walked in during it, "who would even do this?" all i can imagine is james busting a move n it makes me giggle. that scene will always give me secondhand embarrassment i actually cannot. although, the gymnastic moves really got me cause those were really good

overall the movie was MUCH MUCH MUCH better than the remake n kevin bacon was soo fine in it n i will die on that hill. a 10/10 watch for sure

FIRST OF ALL...... MY SWEET STARFLY IS SUCH A CUTE TERM OF ENDEARMENT . IM LOWKEY OBSESSED . I ADORE UUUU

i'm so glad u enjoyed it <3 like, don't get me wrong, i always have so much fun watching the remake too, but u simply can't compare!! the original is the original for a reason yk?? i think the remake does a decent job of adapting the dance scenes to . more modern dance styles etc etc but that's about it. the only things i like better in the remake are . miles teller (especially him learning how to dance) and the line dance scene!! bc it's iconic!! and that one moment between ren and ariel (u know which one) is so fucking HOT the chemistry is insane and i've seen sex scenes look less like sex than that one sequence of them dancing

THE DO YOU WANNA KISS ME SOMEDAY SCENE MAKES ME SCREAM EVERY SINGLE TIMEEEEE GOD THEY'RE EVERYTHING and yesss you get, it just fits jegulus so well.. reg as the reverend's son + him leading a double life is Perfect.................. AND JAMES BEING A CITY BOY NEW IN TOWN AND TURNING EVERYTHING UPSIDE DOWN HELL YESSSS also ren has THE cocky vibes + some underlaying anger issues !! sooooo james coded imo

LISTEN THATS SCENE IS SO FUCKING ICONIC AND THE DANCE GOES HARD but yeah the secondhand embarrassment is also there and very much real.. i'll always love it tho!! i watched it when i was younger and still a dancer and it had me in awe so it's . special to me <3

IM SO GIDDY ABOUT U WATCHING FOOTLOOSE (the good one) BC I RECCED IT !!! AND THE FACT THAT U LIKED IT SO MUCH !!! BEST THING EVER and kevin bacon looked Perfect i had the biggest crush on him in that movie (still do tbh)

kissing u all over MWAH

[supercriminalbean]

Things that made me insane during criminal minds evolution:

Written while I watched so enjoy my bumbling mess. Spoiler alert of course.

Episode 6:

The way Garcia runs out of the room to check the video link and Rossi is so close on her tail has my heart pounding.

I'm scared.

JJ alive yay I mean we knew that but still.

Oh come on, Garcia is so in love with Luke I just know it, taking back every teasing comment she's made oh please.

I don't know but the Wheels up scene felt so cringe I'm sorry. I like wheels up but I dunno no.

The jet looks weird I don't like it. I miss the old one

LUKE SHE FOUND LUKE! YAY.

The unsub is right there that fucker!

I like Elias I think he's a really nice change of unsub, I like it.

I feel bad for him, his inner child needs healing.

Like I'm glad JJ & Luke are good but like we wanted so long just for them to be mildly brusied seriously.

Or is it going to be like they faint or collapse later on sue to injuries?

JJ is pissed, ahhh I wanna hug her.

No one even bothered to comfort her like bitch she almost die show her something

Emily she use to be your best friend why you just hugging Luke ugh.

The way Tara and Rossi both reached for JJ as soon as she started walking 😭🥰

Even tho JJ kinda reached for Dave first annoyed me just putting that there, no one looks out for her because she looks out for everyone this season.

I really want a Will phone call.

Oh no Benjamin dead. Lol.

I hope Elias killed the guy who hurt him.

Aww poor Tyler.

Garcia and Tyler scare me

I do not like the jet! I want the old one back!

Tyler and Penelope looks and smes at each other make me feel uncomfortable. Like if Luke didn't exist. Enemies to lovers 😍

But Luke exist and I want my babies to date. GARVEZ!

Okay but Garcia hugging the hell outta Luke and JJ. YESSS

JJ face when she could relax in her hug warmed me so much.

Even Luke should be rephased as especially Luke, by the way Penelope.

If something happened to Will and JJ I don't think I will be albe to handle it.

I love JJ so much.

Garcia. NO. Do not bring him to your place.

Tyler Green is such a cute drunk.

Thoes two could be honstely the best of best friends. They remind me of me and my friend.

Rebecca and Tara I can not handle this. 💔💔💔😭😭

Garcia wanting gossip is so me.

Tara is also me.

Tara talking is making me 😍🥺���

Also the look Emily gave her VS the look Luke gave her when they heard a nosie.

ARE YOU KINDING ME SHE NAME HER CAT THE BLACK QUEEN!?!

Luke teasing her.

Tyler brought her tea aww.

What did she say about his face. So similar to when she insult Luke's face in the past just sayingggg.

Tyler opening up is so cuteee aww Garcia yesss therpy with you two is. Noo my heart is liking this Nope no no.

WHAT THE FUCK THEY ALMOST KISS.

YES GARCIA YOU USED YOUR BRAIN AND STOPPED IT GOOD.

MAYBE YOU WILL USE IT AND REALZIE YOU LOVE LUKE!?!

Kill him baby KILL HIM!

NO don't stop😭

Wait are we gonna kill him now?

WHAT THE FUCK!

Yes I screamed yes I scared my cat yes I got in trouble. No I'm not sorry.

I am kinda proud of Garcia tho her smile is cute but fuck off you bitch.

Tyler Green was so shock and omg his little face.

My heart is breaking breaking for Luke.

Rossi I blame you, you dick face.

Tara and Rebecca please don't break up please don't I can not handle that right now.

Please tell me they will get back together...please.

Oh Emily good news doesn't exist around here.

Why does Luke look happy when she says she was on a walk with someone, oh its fake happniess.. Hey JJ has that oh so knowing look on her face.

Luke just seem like he didn't want to listen to her and um that kinda hurts me.

It's okay Rossi to her side yay thank you papa pasta.

Father by day serial killer by night. Hottest thing ever. I will not apologize for my issues.

Son of a bitch 😍 thank you Dave I needed that after Garcia hurt me.

Ugh he's alive. Gross.

I hope the uncle dies painfully.

Wait..how did his parents die I wonder?

The uncle better be scared son of a bitch.

I hope it hurts,it might not but I hope it does.

Family is definitely what gets you killed.

I low-key hope Elias family never finds out it would hurt them. Poor babies.

[m1ckeyb3rry]

BRO THAT KARASU HEADER IS SO GOATED but ngl im giggling at the fact that you thought of doing it for Karasu in the end and im all for it (obviously) WAITTT THE SCREENSHOTS LOWK ARE KARASU CODED good choice LMFAO “would you like a funeral for it” is so funny ok wait this story cooks fr….signing a petition to add this to your todo list (jk LOL or am I (but your list is so long rn so don’t take this seriously LMAO)

FRRRRR ALSO THE SMALL CLIPS FROM TODAYS EP TOO??? Wait I’m sure you know but NAGIS MOMENT WAS FIRE there was also actual movement this ep which makes me so happy because I’m not even that picky with the slideshow type animation but some of the earlier episodes were a bit brutal LOL also that one nagi scene where he’s flabbergasted is SO. FUNNY. I HAD TO PAUSE THE EP TO LAUGH BECAUSE THATS PROBABLY THE MOST EXPRESSICE FACE QEVE EVER SEEN HIM DO IM CRYING

Aikuniko unironically being one of my fav platonic pairings now because the dynamic is actually so fire and so funny like more people need to focus on this not the opps this is way more interesting imo

LMAOOOO REAL we’re the only strikers around here bastard munchen better come scout us

LMAOOO THE MOTIVATION BEING GEGE NOT GETTING IT TOGETHER so real honestly every now and then I think back to jjk and I can’t believe it’s over?? ATP just going to treat pi as canon because the ending really was messy and I barely even know wtf happened

AHAHSHAH the way that even you forget makes me laugh but you’re so real for that but the nagi mischaracterization is indeed quite insane…off the top of my head besides peregrine I can really only think of one other fic that stands out to me and doesn’t feel wildly ooc but it’s also like a medium sized Mira oneshot length not a full long fic either so looks like you still hold the crown LOL

ATE AND LEFT NO CRUMBS (I’m pretty certain there is a horror movie by that name or at least a thriller but I’m so bad with horror so I wouldn’t know the details LMAO) LMASOAOAOAO close enough you gave Yamada extra exp (I also have only heard of this in passing so twinsies) ok but rin and tullia actually does sound like a VERY interesting dynamic curious about where you think you’d put that pairing

Maybe I didn’t realize it and I’m going through my fall rut too like damn ok tumblr….tbf I actually think it’s a combination between my slow devices that are chronically filled to the brim storage wise because I constantly take videos and pictures….and also my reception being really bad recently although I’m not entirely sure why because that part of tech is def not my specialty but hopefully gonna get through this….

LAMAOAOOAAO ALL GOOD I LOVE LONG CHATS DW our yap sessions give me life

REAL bird symbolism >>>> also YEAH KAISER LMFOAOAAO he’s supposed to look exotic and flashy and well. He fits the bill!!!! His hair makes him look like a molting parrot that’s in like the in between stages of pin feather emergence or something but YESSS written so well especially with the showing not telling thing via writing honestly so impressive and really enjoyable to read it’s like it scratches an itch in my brain because I cannot get past works that are really poorly worded or have a lot of grammar mistakes sorry

OMG if you ever publish a book I’ll be your first reader (imagine it’s a masked Karasu or nagi story LMFAOOOO)

LMAOAAOAO wdym you are an artist look at that distinct style he’s so silly

I DID SEE IT WHIKE I WAS SCROLLING AND SOOOOO TRUE I also love the nagi rin duo so much potential ugh THE PARALLELS why do I feel like we’ve talked about this before but I couldn’t be making it up so er but anyways YES THE PARALLELS LMAOAOA I love parallels sm crazy how people are blind to the actual parallels embedded in the story that make for interesting dynamics but whatever

LMFOAOAOA yeah aikus not getting a glow up quite yet but NAGI WAS MAJESTIC tabieitaken too which makes me so happy!!!

REAL it’s not the liking that’s the issue it’s the hypocrisy lowk same idea applies to people creating ship wars and whatnot but it is what it is I guess I’ll just stay far away

SHSHS HOPE YOURE FEELING BETTER NOW!!! OOOOH breaks coming up!!! Hope you get some more relaxation timeeee also the meetup is so funny LOL sleep is always good that’s honestly me uhhh on my end yeah nothing too eventful besides me struggling with technology apparently but that probably also explains why it takes me several reboots to get my tv working too it’s probably partially slow internet connection urgh other than that also sleeping LMAOO nothing too crazy over here otherwise

Ok also I passed by your meme compilation and PAUSE DO YOU REMEMBER THE AQUARIUM IDEA WE TALKED ABOUT A LOOOOOOONG TIME AGO??? THAT KARASU HIORI ONE WITH THE FISH IS LITERALLY THAT OMFG LMFAPAOAOAOAOAAO

- Karasu anon

the swerving got to me ig SLKDFJHSD even kicking karasu out of the verse entirely wasn’t enough he still crept his way back in…AND as the male lead no less!! okay but do you see the vision like this version of megumi is literally karasu they’re even described the same (black spiky hair [because you will never see me calling karasu’s hair purple sorry not sorry purple hair is like reo to me karasu is just black but with…shading ig…] and blue eyes) it’s SO perfect LMAOAOA omg reader and megumi are so funny with each other they’re like kinda constantly roasting one another while also being insanely in love which again is SOOO karasu it’s crazy 😭 HAHA i will keep you posted currently trying to work on some 1k event stuff because i have to get through my requests and haven’t written in over a month so that’s as good a place to start as any

THEY DID NAGI SOSOSOSOSO WELL AHHHH I WAS SO HAPPY i knew they weren’t going to fumble him they love him SO much now i just need them to put that level of effort into barou and i will literally die with no regrets LMAOOO agreed the animation looked sm better this ep!! i totally didn’t mind it at all and i’m glad that since their budget and time were limited they’re focusing on doing their best with the really important bits (if that makes sense???) also SDLKFHJDS YES SHOCKED NAGI WAS SOOOO FUNNY PLS I WAS DYING he was fr like 😧 he looked so cuteee though but yeah i think that’s probably the most his facial muscles have ever moved in his life…actually wait on a more serious(ish) note i think it’s kind of cute that like as we go further along in bllk he’s becoming more and more expressive??? like him smiling with yukimiya and now this it feels like he really has more friends and is finally becoming more comfortable in himself and showing/having feelings it’s so sweet to see him opening up 🥹 (one thing abt me I WILL be taking the most random things seriously when it comes to nagi like is it truly that deep?? no but i am making it so)

AIKUNIKO FOR LIFE they are THE siblings of all time…actually ngl i was saying to someone that niko is literally the secret third itoshi bro if you think abt it like his eyes are EXACTLY the same (a bit rounder but he’s also younger), he and rin have super similar coloring, and he kinda has a similar personality to sae but a more innocent and sweet version?? like he could literally be revealed to be an itoshi and i’d be like ok sure checks out (also it’d be funny because then there’d be an itoshi on offense defense and midfield) bllk au where everything is the same but niko is randomly revealed to be an itoshi and the only reason he’s normal and not a bot is because aiku raised him he didn’t grow up around their weird soccer drama so he thinks it’s all silly

FACTS we’re literally ng11s atp….i think if i had to hc us on nel teams (this is a crazy statement) i would put you on pxg and i would put myself in barcha NO idea why though (actually wait then you can rizz up karasu and otoya can rizz me up and we can go on #doubledates)

I FORGET JJK IS OVER TOO i saw this slideshow on tik tok that was like “pov you’re seeing the last panel of a manga” and some of them were so emotional and then i saw the jjk one and i was just like ok…??? idk the ending just didn’t feel impactful at all to me something about it felt very incomplete and unfinished and it didn’t at all tie anything together to the point where the final panel left me empty the way a story like jjk SHOULD’VE (i have high hopes for the final panel of bllk although i hope we don’t see it for a while) agreed though SDKJHFS pi is canon everything else is just gege writing fanfiction

HELP rip peregrine truly the forgotten oldest child of the miraverse…i think it’s kinda crazy that besides peregrine and one post of headcanons that was a request i actually have not written nagi at all??? technically pursuit is a nagi fic but he’s at least 20k words away from debuting and the romance is so secondary to the plot that it almost doesn’t count so yeah haven’t written for him in ages which is crazy considering how much i love him…anyways slide that one shot over if you remember the title i don’t usually read much but if it’s coming recommended from you i will

LMAOAOA oopsies accidentally upped him a few levels SKDJFHS yeah it looks like a romance anime i’d watch in a weekend and forget about in a couple of days ngl but its existence served its purpose by awakening me to the rin and tullia potential honestly i feel like my default pick for a tullia pairing ESPECIALLY alongside nagi is isagi because he kinda fits the kind of character i put her with usually?? idk actually originally it was kunigami but then i was like “nah isagi makes more sense” also i didn’t know abt wildcard when i first watched s1 so i thought kunigami was fr cooked so i had to change gears because couldn’t have tullia with a random yk HAHAHA but now that i’m considering it i think rin and tullia would be so much more fun to write?? mostly because i don’t usually write tullia the way she is in pomegranate ink…like typically she’s a very serious, borderline rude in her bluntness/sarcasm, shy (but it comes across as cold), and competent (idk if this makes sense but she like. gets shit done and doesn’t start fights but finishes them LSKDJF) type of character which i think would intersect with rin very oddly as that’s the personality he tries to give off but we all know he’s not really like that HAHA it would be like a fake idgaf warrior x real idgaf warrior chemical reaction 😭 OR alternatively we go with the pomegranate ink tullia characterization which would also be hilarious because rin would just constantly be like wtf is she talking about meanwhile tullia’s dropping her “yk what they say abt assumptions they make an ass out of you and me 🙂‍↕️” wisdom LMAOOOO wait also if she’s more like her pi self then they’d def be that “quiet bf x he asked for no pickles gf” couple somehow like i can VIVIDLY imagine tullia beating rin’s opps up for him she’d even swing on shidou if necessary 🤩

okay wait let me cook what kind of scenario i would pair them up in…i think the male lead would probably be nagi in a fic where they’re the side couple?? because if it’s a long fic lbr the only options for male leads on THIS blog are nagi and karasu but ngl if the male lead is karasu i want tullia with hiori they would have that pi tullia x inumaki vibe and hiori makes more sense as a side character in a karasu story 🧐 let me branch out though and see if i can think of anyone else hmm the obvious option is isagi but erm. isagi has a long ways to go before he can make it as a love interest in the miraverse he should honestly be glad i allowed him to be in a love triangle(ish) with yayoi and barou in pursuit SDJKF uhh who else is even associated with rin…sae?? but a) i’m not writing MORE sae it’s bad enough how many reqs i have for him and b) idk how i would feel abt reader and tullia just dating siblings SLDJFS errr ig bachira is there but i’m incapable of seeing bachira as a love interest fsr…hiori but i also don’t have strong romantic feelings abt hiori like he’s chill but i def couldn’t write a fic abt him yk…why is rin so emo LKSDJFSLD bro has zero friends i gen think nagi is the only feasible option given the miraverse constraints (unless you have any other suggestions ☝🏻) actually that’s kind of annoying though because nagi is lowkey impossible to come up with aus for so now i’m going to have to ruminate on what kind of situation specifically that this could all work in

PRAYING FOR YOU AHHHH fall slump is inevitable fr LKSSDLFJ hmm have you tried going on the tumblr website instead of the app?? that might be a little faster if connection is the issue (no idea if that’s smth you’ve already done/usually do) but yes we will get through this november is almost over and then we will be freed

yeah kaiser is certainly giving…something…LMAOOO PIN FEATHERS SO REAL i think the bird symbolism became a little TOO literal with him which is kind of crazy coming from me (a karasu glazer) but idk karasu pulls it off better!! anyways i’m also just a kaiser hater because all of his fans are nagi haters for some reason (okay not ALL but. a lot.) so there’s automatic beef there like kaiser could literally be the best character ever and be absolutely gorgeous and he’d be my OPP but as it is he’s neither of those things so i will always be criticizing

AHAHAH YAYYY THAT MEANS SM i really try to treat my readers like they’re intelligent individuals?? even in books i think people try to baby their readers and spoon feed too much which just gets annoying and redundant so i just throw in subtle references where if you get it you get it and if you put the connections together that’s great but if you don’t it’s not HORRIBLE you just kinda miss out on some foreshadowing or themes before they’re explained more fully…especially with tumblr it’s nice because then i can post about it and people who did’t see it can then know what i was doing and people who did can be like “yeahhh i noticed that #socool” LMAOOO also sometimes people will come up with their own connections and theories that outclass anything i intended on adding which is always really fun as well but that would never happen if i was overly literal with everything because then there’s no room for interpretation if that makes sense (also agreed poor grammar/wording are indeed turn offs for me that’s another reason why i don’t read fanfic much anymore…not hating because everyone starts somewhere and no one is perfect but yeah i am very picky with what i read and that’s why 99% of the time i end up writing instead)

LMAOOO PLEASE can you imagine you’re reading a book and you’re like “wow this seichiro kagi guy who’s 6’3, lazy, white haired, and super talented sounds really familiar…” that’s how you know it’s by me fr actually honestly given how increasingly insane my ideas have been becoming as of late i could probably write an entire fic and then just use ctrl + f to have a completely new story

NAGI THE SILLIEST I LOVE HIM and so real they should hire me to draw episode karasu my portfolio is scattered throughout our asks i’ll do the story justice fr 🙏🏻

ngl it’s entirely possible that we have in fact talked about it before but i’m thinking about them sm rn…ugh…NAGIRIN IS LOVE NAGIRIN IS LIFE actually i think one of the reasons why people don’t talk about it is that people crash OUT if you ship nagi with anyone but reo (not that i’m shipping but yk) like i saw a nagisagi edit on tik tok (it was to the alchemy by taylor swift actually ngl it was cute hold on here’s the link) so i was like huh i wonder if people are posting abt this on tumblr come to find out people genuinely have like “nagisagi shippers dni” LMAO??? like why is it that serious 😳 you know i’m not really into shipping but look nagi and isagi have that yaoi eye reflection thing going on that everyone talks abt with nagire so i can see why people would ship them 😭😭😭 also they are like. such a normal ship?? like they’re the same age and they’re friends and nagi thinks abt isagi somewhat frequently and vice versa so i was genuinely surprised at how many people hate it KFDJDJSJ anyways long story short i will continue to spread my nagirin duo truth and if the haters come for me…we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it 🔥 although ngl since i never talk abt things in a romantic context i SHOULD be safe. we can hope.

also wait speaking of that edit this comment on it cracks me up every time i look back and see it LMAOO mostly because it’s actually very true but i didn’t think abt it until i saw the comment…like yeah isagi actually IS always going on abt how he and nagi can make a million different chemical reactions like in the 3v3 against kunigami chigiri and reo he literally hallucinated nagi surrounded by rainbow sparkles (when he’s like “the future with barou is dead but the future with nagi is bursting with life” or wtvr poetic pseudoscience bs he was on abt at the time) HAHAHAHA like i said i’m not a shipper nor an isagi fan actually but listen the vision is hilarious to me and idk why it’s not more popular

aiku looks good when we don’t get closeups of his facial hair and teeth LMAOO he looked cute w sendou though ig 😭 AGREED NAGIIII and all of tabieitaken but otoya especially really ate this ep!! and the barou crumbs AHHH I’M SO HYPE FOR HIS GOAL ACTUALLY I KNOW IT’S GOING TO GO OFF

EXACTLY AHAHAHJS no this is why i only discuss “ships” (more so duos for me) and character opinions and whatnot w you and jeirin because a solid majority of people in the bllk fandom are like. a diff breed /neg

YES i am finally healed thankfully been having a restful week for the most part!! just chilling w my dogs like usual…excited to see my high school friends during break as well as for the semester to finally be over soon 🤩 just need to get through finals in the middle of december and then i’m freeeeee (to write bllk fic mostly lbr)

LMAOAOAO YES ACTUALLY I THINK I SENT YOU THAT EXACT MEME BACK THEN TOO AND WAS LIKE “this is literally karasu and fwtkac reader” KDJDSJ for the sake of the larger population i made it hiori but just know that in my mind that’s what i was originally envisioning…similarly the one proposal meme that i had w kunigiri/nagireo was originally meant to be for peregrine with the “she said yes!” being y/n and kira instead of kunigami and chigiri HAHAHA

[astraystayyh]

my rin i can't tell you how many times I've reread your feedback since you rbed it, i was, still am, in disbelief that you took the time to not only read my fic but also leave the sweetest most thoughtful feedback on it :( i can't find the words to tell you how much i appreciate you, every word you wrote warmed my heart beyond belief, you really made this fic more special in my eyes, especially since it's coming from YOU, a writer i admire so so so much, so thank you I can't tell you how grateful i am for this :((((

NOW onto your tags HEHHEE you are so cute ㅠㅠㅠ a sahar-style live reaction and a date with invisible thread AKSKJD still makes me giggle

im so happy you liked the clay metaphor :')) that was one of the first parts of the story i wrote and it felt like a defining description of who yn is because of what she went through

LEE MINHO!!!!!! the man of the hour wah what a joy to write for him, truly :') AND DOESN'T HE HAVE THE PRETTIEST EYES EVERRRR

and you're so perceptive ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ your attention to details throughout your reblog AMAZED ME it felt like you were peering into my brain and citing every reasoning i had for x and y line :')))

YESSS he's just having fun, he likes having a competitor because it stimulates his intelligence,, no mean bone in his body :')

LINOISMS 😭😭😭 coming from THE expert in minho i am so flattered. i am first and most fervent defender of minho best quiet lover agenda!!!! like he's so!!!!! loving!!!! love is in the small things and he's living proof of it

do u remember that skz code episode where minho bursts out laughing at the thought of pranking seungmin and han ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ that was what i envisioned just the cutest giggles jumping up and down I LOVE HIM

EEEEE YOU NOTICED ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ her picking up his cute mannerisms they're in love ur honor

you complimenting the characterization of minho and yn when YOUR characterization of chan left me in SHAMBLES ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ truly the biggest honor it feels like im being complimented by a a master of a craft

immmm soooo glad you enjoyed that particular conversation about colors :(( I've always loved to think about how colors can be associated to feelings so i wanted to include it in their discussions,,,, AND YESSS OFC U PICKED UP ON IT ㅠㅠㅠㅠ he does feel invisible too (as you pieced up later!!!!!) just in a different, more subtle, way

LMAOOOO me inspired directly by his vlog cooking for felix :')) he has such distinct quirks it was so fun to think of how i could include them heheheh THE MOSS THEORY STANDS CORRECT!!!!!! they do a lot for each other i think that's what i wanted to highlight the most, how loving someone means healing wounds you haven't inflicted,, it's a two-way road of caring and being there for each other :'))

HEHEHEHHE U ARE RIGHT YOU'RE ALWAYS RIGHT ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ her being broken doesn't mean she isn't enough, the cracks can now be filled with gold, leading way to a better version of herself :'))

and yessss the sad meow meow (cutest minho depiction) scene was rlly a breakthrough in their rp, she knows he goes through bad days just like her and he learns that he can trust her with them. THEY'RE GROWING (me acting as if i didn't write this)

EEEEEE IM SQUEALING AND GIGGLING BECAUSE U NOTICED ALL THE PARALLELS ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ i need to say again how much i appreciate you taking the time to do this it like warms my heart beyond belief i swear i feel very yellow now :')))

that was such a challenging part to write but it was also necessary as u pointed out :') firm believe of healing isn't linear and there's nothing wrong with that!! we can't expect something that had hurt us for years to be erased in mere months,,, but they're getting there :'))))

I'm smiling like an idiot i swear you're insane to me rin INSANE ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ i really wanted it to come full circle and to know that i somewhat achieved that :')) CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MUCH THIS AND YOU MEAN TO ME. thank you thank you thank you x 100000.

you're the absolute sweetest rin i can't ever tire of saying it :(((( your words truly made me so so so happy "it's like you carefully stacked more and more to the foundation of their bond until before we know it, there's an entire home there that they built steadily together" this is one of the most thoughtful things anyone has ever said about my writing i genuinely can't thank you enough for this reblog, I'll keep it safe in my heart for colder days. thank youuuuu once again my angel and i can't wait to read more from youuuu as well <3333

Invisible thread- one

pairing : minho x reader

genre : university au, academic rivals to lovers (rivals not enemies because they respect each other), slow burn, fluff, angst.

warnings : reader has a very bad relationship with her mother, insecurities, talk about murder but as a joke, mention of alcohol, reader has she/her pronouns.

summary : Your studies were your lifeline for as long as you can remember. What happens when Minho comes into your life and rips it away from you?

word count : 20k

Author's note : I've been working on this fic on and off for the past two months, so if you do enjoy reading, please let me know. asks, comments, reblogs i read them all and they truly make me the happiest <3 (also i based this off my own college experience, where we study two terms and there is one person on top of the class every semester)

part two

You have always been first in your class.

Not because you particularly enjoyed studying. You simply felt that your worth was solely tied to the marks on your papers.

You never wanted to crumble under the pressure of studies, to hole yourself up in your room for an assignment you won’t remember in a month. But achieving good grades was the only way for you to feel seen; to make someone stop in their tracks and acknowledge you. 

A simple “good job” that you preserved inside your mind, as a reminder that you did exist to other people. Considering that the majority of your life was spent in silence. 

Your mom put a roof above your head and food on your table, but she never asked about your day, nor did she seem to care. You felt as though you were no more important to her than the tapestry hanging on your wall.

At times, you imagined that if you stood close enough to that tapestry, you could merge with it as one. The intricate embroidery would wrap around you and draw you in. And your mother wouldn’t notice. She would regard you with the same indifference she showed towards that textile- a mere decoration, at times a nuisance when she had to dust it.

You always ate your dinner alone. When you scraped your knee, you tended to the wound by yourself. No one attended your childhood musicals, and you patted your back when you cracked an egg without dropping a shell into the bowl. 

You’ve come to learn since your young age that all your milestones, both small and significant, would be celebrated alone. 

On the rare times your mother would acknowledge your presence, she’d unleash a flurry of criticism your way as if she was eagerly awaiting the opportunity to strike you down. She'd toss crude comments over her shoulder as easily as a casual hello, leaving you feeling battered and bruised in her wake. 

You felt as if you were shoreline rocks, and your mother was the ocean. You never knew if she would be like a gentle tide, barely brushing against you, or an enraged storm, mercilessly crashing down on your being. And you weren't sure which one was worse: to be invisible or to be seen and despised.  

That’s why you grew up plagued with self-doubt. You made friends throughout your school years but you never allowed them to get close enough to really see you -you feared that they might glimpse the very thing your mother seemed to despise in you. 

Throughout your childhood, you were like soft clay in your mother's hands- pliable, and easy to mold. And she indented you, everywhere, carved in edges and dips where they should not have been ones. Handled you roughly when you should have been treated with care. And as the years went by, you hardened- much like clay, but her touch remained imprinted upon you. It was difficult at times to discern who you were and who she made you to be.

You tried to start anew when you went away to university; to rewire your brain into believing that you were enough- you exist and you shouldn't prove to anyone that you deserved to be alive. But her words haunted you, they were like skeletons in your closet- but the closet was you. You could never part from them.

So, you fell back into the same pattern of seeking good grades and congratulatory words from your professors. Every A+ you got infused you with a momentary sense of worthiness.

But unlike in high school, you weren't always the best. Your competition came in the form of a single man named Minho, who seemed to excel in every class you shared.

Minho was mostly quiet, but whenever he spoke, you found that his words carried weight. Your professors consistently agreed with his points, and you envied the confidence he exuded. You wondered what it must feel like to be so sure of oneself.

It wasn't until a month into the year that you had your first interaction with Minho. You were in your Constitutional Law class when your professor Kim brought up the notion of ‘Separation of Powers’. You were arguing that judges shouldn’t be included in the writings of law when you heard a scoff from the row behind you. You turned around, raising a brow at the culprit, "Is there something you’d like to say?" you asked.

And in response, Minho smiled lazily, an air of smugness surrounding him, "I just don’t agree." The professor urged him to explain himself, so he leaned back into his chair, eyeing you. "Judges are the ones who practice the law every day, and sometimes they find that none of the written texts fit their case. If they get involved in lawmaking, they can help address those gaps or uncertainties." 

"Who's to say that those judges aren’t biased or politically motivated? They’ll end up writing laws to fit their own preferences," you pointed out, raising an eyebrow at him. "We elect judges to interpret and apply laws, not make them. If they start writing laws too, we'll be violating the separation of powers between the legislative and judicial branches. That's what keeps our entire system from crumbling."

Minho rested his chin on his hand, tapping his cheek thoughtfully with his index finger. "Aren’t legislators prone to biases too? Your point doesn’t stand then," he challenged, tilting his head to the side, "and judges can participate without going overboard. They can provide input on proposed laws without actually drafting them. That way, we ensure that the laws are crafted with a clear understanding of how they'll be put into practice." 

"If your main concern is to ensure that the laws are impartial, we have people who work as consulting experts whose job is exactly that," you flashed him an innocent smile, firing back. "Also, wouldn’t these overstepping branches put the judges in a position to be perceived in a bad light? Is that what you want?"

Before Minho could respond, Mr. Kim intervened, putting an end to your debate, "Let's save this energy for your essays and see who can convince me more."

You gave a quick nod, swiveling in your seat without a backward glance. However, you could sense Minho’s gaze penetrating through your back- as if he was trying to read your most intimate thoughts. 

That was the first thing you noticed about Minho when he walked over to you. His eyes were brown, not a special color by any means. But they held a certain depth to them that seemed to draw you in like a black hole. You weren't sure what you would find on the other side, nor did you have any desire to find out.

He outstretched his hands towards you, stopping you in your tracks. "Minho," he introduced and your hand met his in a firm grip. The second thing you noticed about him was the coldness of his hand, as it wrapped tightly around your palm. 

Suddenly you were taken back to when you built a snowman for the first and last time. You were just seven and the ice was freezing, numbing your fingers as you worked. Your mother never told you that you should’ve worn mittens, or a thick jacket to fight off the cold when she saw you walking out of the house. The memory of your cold hands and the horrible illness that followed still left a bitter taste in your mouth, like an unripe fruit. With a jolt you dropped his hand, forcefully pulling yourself away from that memory. 

"Yn," you said back, and he smiled to himself, repeating your name slowly, each syllable dripping from his tongue.  

"We'll see who'll write the best essay, right?" he asked, clearly challenging you. There was a gleam of excitement in his eyes that reminded you of a child gazing up at cotton candy. 

That was the third thing you noticed about Minho; how expressive his eyes were. They moved with his every word, punctuating them. 

He was infuriating but also amusing. You've never had a clear competitor in your life. Or maybe you had, but you didn't notice them. You were always so reclined on yourself, trying to survive the day, you didn't pay enough attention to your surroundings.

"You want to compete with me?" You asked, and he smirked, leaning against the door, arms crossed in front of his chest. "What? Scared you’d lose?"

"Please." You rolled your eyes at his taunting, "Don’t come crying when I win."

"We’ll see about that!" He shouted after you as you walked ahead, leaving him behind.

This essay was insignificant. A simple way for your professor to assess your knowledge and work approach. And yet, you found yourself staying up all night to complete it. There was no way you were going to let Minho take this one thing from you.

Who were you if not the best in your studies? You were deathly afraid to find out. 

Later on that week, the professor handed you your grade back, 98%. You turned around to show Minho your mark, and so did he. You surpassed him, only by mere percents. "I told you so," you smiled cheekily and he pouted, holding a hand to his heart as if your grade wounded him.

"I'll beat you next time", he mouthed and you chuckled, "Whatever helps you sleep at night."

✹✹✹

The first time you studied with Minho was in a cat café near campus, called Limbo, about two weeks after your initial interaction. You stumbled upon it serendipitously while strolling through your university town. You couldn’t study at home, since you were easily distracted in there, and the eerie silence of libraries often left you unsettled.

Limbo, however, offered the perfect middle-ground: it was calm, not overly crowded, and the buzzing of the coffee machine blended harmoniously with the occasional mewls of cats, which helped you concentrate better. 

You were sitting in a secluded corner table at the café's back, a sleeping black cat comfortably nestled in your lap when you sensed a shadow loom over you. You glanced up quickly to find Minho. He was clad in a grey hoodie sporting a bunny holding up its middle finger. You had to bite your cheek to suppress a grin at his clothing attire.

"What are you doing here?" He asked. 

"You know for someone smart you sure ask stupid questions," you remarked, already looking down at the papers scattered in front of you.

He huffed, taking a seat at the table right next to yours, "I can’t believe that of all places you’ve found this café to study in."

"My apologies, am I disturbing you, your highness?" You asked sarcastically, and in retort, Minho mimicked your words in a high-pitched tone. You threw the pillow right next to you at his head, and Minho swiftly ducked, easily avoiding it. He chuckled loudly while you glared at his laughing figure. That was the end of your conversation that day. 

From that moment forward, it became a routine for the two of you to study at Limbo, every Saturday, without fault. You didn’t explicitly plan on it, but it seemed that both of you found it comforting to work there. And you could also tell that, unlike you, it wasn’t Minho’s first time coming to Limbo. He was friends with the owner, a sweet middle-aged man who offered you pastries whenever you stayed there until closing. The cats seemed to know him too, they mewled at his feet whenever he entered and he always greeted them with a soft smile on his face. 

You didn’t talk much in those unofficial study sessions, the both of you were consumed by your own work. But you’d steal quick glances at him every now and then, the sight of him so concentrated only fueled you to work harder.

Admittedly, your competition left you feeling anxious for days on end at first. Each time Minho came out on top, you’d found yourself losing your grip. Your studies have been the one anchor keeping you afloat your entire life, and now, Minho was ripping it carelessly away from you. So, you resented him- you were human after all.

But then, you realized that Minho’s taunting wasn’t malicious. He wasn’t competing with you to hurt you, he was doing it for amusement only.

You've slowly started to learn that despite his relentless teasing, Minho had a gentle aura surrounding him. Glimpses of which occasionally emerged like rays of sunshine piercing through a thick cloud cover.

True, he chuckled when you accidentally bumped your head on the table while retrieving a fallen pen. Yet, you also noticed how he began to cover the table's corners with his hand whenever you bent down. He swiftly retracted his hand, seemingly believing you didn't notice, but you did.

During class presentations, he deliberately prepared challenging questions for you, urging you to study twice as hard to ensure no stone was left unturned. Yet, whenever the professor praised your performance, Minho offered a subtle thumbs-up as a gesture of support. He winked at you each time he got the right answer and you didn’t. However, when he noticed you struggling with a particular subject, he scooted closer and patiently explained it to you. He got up before you could thank him, swatting his arm in the air as if he didn’t do anything of significance. 

To show your appreciation, you bought him a drink that day he helped you—a simple gesture that sparked an ongoing game of "win a bet, get free food". You bet on who would receive the first mark on an assignment or who would finish an essay first- anything to further deepen the competition between you.

That's how you came to know that he loved puddings, among other things.

Curiously, as the months went by, your mind began to retain these little details about him. How his eyelashes fluttered like butterfly wings when he blinked repeatedly during your conversations. How he glanced at the ceiling when lost in deep thought as if he was waiting for the answers to descend from the sky. Or how his lips take on the shape of an "o" while thinking of his response during one of your many debates. But you supposed that it was natural to take notice of such things when you spend countless Saturday afternoons with the same person.

You were still studying for someone else, in the sense that each time you stayed up working, it was solely to prove your worth to Minho. But at least unlike your mother, Minho's words never haunted you at night.

✹✹✹

Just like that, four months have gone by since you joined your university as a law major. It was nearing finals week and you were preparing it at Limbo. Minho was naturally present too, at his usual table right next to yours.

On the last weekend before the beginning of your finals, you were head-deep into your Criminal Law documents when Minho abruptly got up from his seat and settled in the chair in front of you.

"Yn," he whispers and you glance at him, "What?" 

"I have an idea."

"Keep it to yourself," you grin sarcastically, only for him to pick up your spoon and move it around in a threatening manner.

"Are you trying to scare me with a spoon?" you chuckle in disbelief.

 "Anything can be a weapon if you use enough force."

"Okay… that was creepy. What do you want?"

"The end of the first term is coming up. So, to celebrate our little rivalry-"

"It's not a rivalry if I’m always winning," you cut him off.

"Yeah, that’s why I have a fridge full of pudding."

"But-"

"Anyways, how about the top of the class takes the other out for dinner? A fancy one." He suggests, his gaze fixed on you.

"No, thank you. I already see you enough in classes."

"Didn’t think you wouldn’t up for a bet. Guess I was wrong," he remarks, a cheeky smile drawn on his lips. He knows you couldn’t possibly say no now.  

"Fine," you roll your eyes at his proud expression. "Prepare your wallet." 

"Mm, sure," he responds, before rising from his seat once more.

That day, you both lost track of time as you studied in Limbo until it closed down. When you finally stepped outside, stretching your tired limbs, you were met with the sight of falling snowflakes.

"Nooo, go away. I don't want to watch the first snow with you," Minho whines, referring to the superstition that watching the first snowfall with someone could spark love between the two of you. 

"As if I could ever love you," you laugh at the ridiculous idea, "that’d just be signing a death warrant."

You resume walking towards your apartment when suddenly something freezing and hard hits your back with enough force to make you stagger. Turning around slowly, you find Minho erupting in laughter, his body filled with uncontainable joy. He’s jumping and clapping excitedly, and for a fleeting moment, you can’t decide if your shock was from the impact or from how beautiful happiness looks on him. 

Snapping out of your daze, you swiftly retaliate by scooping up a handful of snow and hurling it at him. "Now you are cold too!" you shout, while he’s still laughing uncontrollably. 

Thus begins an impromptu snowball fight between the two of you. Unsurprisingly, you’re being competitive in this too, trying your best to strike each other before the other could recover. But Minho draws nearer to you, and in your desperation to win, you fall to the ground when he throws a snowball at your chest, gasping as if you’re in pain.

"Shit, did I hurt you?" Minho quickly kneels in front of you, concern evident in his voice. It surprises you for a moment- how worried he seems at the prospect of causing you pain.

But you shake that thought off and push him down to the ground, a proud smile on your face. In his fall, Minho instinctively reaches for you to steady himself, which ends up with you landing on top of him. Your faces are mere inches apart, and a soft gasp escapes your mouth at your sudden proximity.

Minho has a mole on his nose. You’ve never noticed that before. 

You quickly push yourself off of him, not enjoying being this close to somebody. "Why did you drag me down with you?" you grumble, shaking off the snow from your hair.

"Play stupid games, win stupid prizes," he cheekily stuck out his tongue, and you respond with the same childlike gesture before the both of you burst into loud laughter. The sound reverberates through your entire being, and it echoes in your mind long after the two of you go your separate ways.  

As you lay in bed that night, ready to drift off to sleep, a quiet realization dawns on you. This was the first time you've touched snow in since your childhood incident.

That unpleasant memory didn't cross your mind once. Instead, all you thought about was Minho’s infectious laughter, and the surprising warmth it stirred within you.

✹✹✹

You came first in your grade this semester.

True to his words, Minho texted you the name of the restaurant where you’d both meet to celebrate your win. As you got ready for your outing, you couldn’t help the nerves creeping up on you. Studying in silence next to Minho was something, going to a friendly dinner with him was another. You feared it would be too awkward and Minho would regret ever proposing such a thing.

So, as you sit in the refined BBQ restaurant waiting for him, you fidget with your hands, counting down to three in your head in an attempt to steady your breathing.

You were clearly not accustomed to existing with Minho outside of the confines of your studies.

"Did you wait long?" Minho asks as he finally pulls the chair in front of you and you shake your head no.

"Are you nervous?" he chuckles at your lack of words, and you frown, suddenly feeling defensive. "Why would I be nervous? This isn't a date."

"Who said anything about a date?" he smirks and you grab your fork threateningly, pointing it at him, "Don't say anything stupid or I will walk out."

"And stand me up on our first date? That's too mean.” He pouts, a hand on his heart and you can’t help but giggle at his antics. You were ridiculous for being nervous. This was Minho, the one person you’ve talked to the most since the start of this year. 

"What will you have?" he asks and you smile mischievously.

 "Most expensive thing on the menu."

"So you are only here for the food." 

"Well, it's certainly not for your company," you wink and he chuckles, his bunny teeth on full display. 

"And here I thought we were going to be civil with each other."

"When are we ever not?" you gasp dramatically and Minho swats your hand with the menu. "Just order whatever," you finally answer," I trust your food judgment."

"I could poison you, you know?" He smiles proudly and you roll your eyes at him, "Can’t you be normal, for once?"

Minho calls over the waiter and places your orders. The food is quick to arrive and Minho starts to grill up the meat, while you cut the Kimchi into smaller pieces. 

"Here," he puts the perfectly cooked rib onto your plate first and you smile at him, "Thank you."

"Eat up, don’t wait for me," he tells you and you nod, tasting the flavorful meat.

"Wow this is really good," you compliment and he smirks proudly at your words, "I know."

Minho places four other ribs for you, without eating one himself. You start to feel bad, so you grab his chopsticks, pick up the meat, and move it toward his mouth, "Open up."

"What?" He asks confused and you wave the food in front of his face, "Come on, you haven’t eaten anything."

Minho parts his lips slowly, and you feed the tender meat to him, before eating one yourself. You notice how his cheeks are slightly tinted pink now, and you account it to the intense heat of the grill.

"Oh, let's not talk about studies, my brain can't take another debate with you," you tell Minho in between bites and he grins at you, a gleam of excitement in his eyes. "If you were to dispose of a body, how would you do it?"

"I think our next celebration will be in an asylum." you smile too sweetly at him and he stares at you pointedly, "Please, I know you've already thought about it."

"Fine. Probably in a deserted land. What about you?"

"I'd cut their bodies and then bury each part in a different forest. In a different city."

His answer came too quickly, and you pause in your tracks, "Should I be worried?"

"You are too cute to kill." His tone is sarcastic and you make a show of gushing at his compliment, clasping both of your hands in front of your heart, "Growing soft on me, Minho?" 

"Yeah, I’m basically sooo in love with you," he replies with a smirk and you roll your eyes at him, an amused smile tugging at the corners of your mouth.

"What's your favorite color?" you finally ask, changing the subject.

"Purple."

"I'll keep that in mind."

"You'll buy me purple flowers?" He coos at you and you shake your head as you grab the utensil from his hand, to grill the meat your turn. 

"No. I'll paint your tombstone purple," you grin and he laughs loudly, eyes squinted close, and you can't find it in you to care that the people next to you are staring. 

"What's yours?" he asks when he calms down and you shrug, "Navy blue, I think."

"You do remind me of navy blue."

"And why is that?"

"When you look at it, at first glance, it looks like black. But the more you stare at it, the more layers you uncover. Just like you. There’s more to you than what meets the eye."

You grab your glass of water, gulping it down to hide the way your eyes just glossed over. You suddenly felt bare in front of Minho. How did he know?

You clear your throat, racking your brain for a way to move on from that question. "If you were to describe colors to a blind person, how would you do it?"

"Mm," he looks up at the ceiling as he mulls over your question, "I’d say that yellow is the feeling of eating ice cream on a sunny day, in an amusement park. Your fingers are sticky but your cheeks ache from how much you smiled that day."

"Yellow is carefree and happy."

"Exact. Now your turn, red."

"I’d say that... Red is the thrill that rushes through your veins when you do something you are passionate about, you know? It’s what makes our blood boil and our heart race. The very essence of our humanity."

Minho smiles softly at your words, seemingly agreeing with your description. "Don’t you think it would be easier if we simply asked, what color are you feeling today, instead of a 'How are you'?" He questions and you tilt your head to the side, "What do you mean?"

"Well, you could say, I feel like that moss green that no one seems to pay attention to. Or, I feel bright yellow as if the world's energy is stored inside me."

"And right now, how do you feel?"

"I feel orange, not the ugly orange." He precises and you chuckle, "the orange that paints the sky when the sun is about to dip into the ocean."

"A bittersweet orange, an ending that instantly strings along a new beginning. And you don't have time to rest."

Minho places his chin on his palm, eyeing you curiously, "Is that what you want? To rest?"

"Yeah." You admit quietly, "Don't you sometimes wish that the world would just stop, for a few seconds? Just like in a song, right before the beat drops. That silence, I wish I could live inside of it."

"I do too."

You both hold each other’s gaze for a while after that. You felt as if he was keeping you captive with his brown eyes, and he was slowly peeling each of your layers, in silence, as you were peeling his. For the first time, you think that you and he are similar, more than on a studies level. There was a part of his soul that understood yours perfectly. And it felt good, to be understood, for once.

"If you lived in this silence, what would you be doing?" he asks, breaking the serene quiet that surrounded you.

"I’d open a café that had books. And there'd be a little space, where people could paint. Or do pottery. And I’d have cats in there too." You reply excitedly, hands moving around in the air, you end up missing the way Minho gazes fondly at you before his smile morphs into a smirk.

"Please tell me you won't be cooking."

"Shut up. What about you?"

"I’d be a dancer."

"You dance?!" you whisper-shout and he frowns at the surprised look on your face. 

"Yeah. Why are you looking at me like this?"

"I just never expected it. Can I-"

"No." he cuts you off immediately and you pout. 

"I didn't even finish."

"I knew what you were going to say."

"Please, I won't make a sound I’d just watch. Pinky promise.” He grabs your now outstretched pinky with the tip of his index and thumb, lowering it down. 

"I’d only grant you this wish when you’re on your deathbed."

"Bold of you to assume you'd still be around."

"Death might be around the corner."

"Stop it."

"Close your door tonight."

"You are deranged."

Minho chuckles at the crestfallen look on your face, "I’ll think about it."

Just like that, three hours of talking have gone by, the conversation flowing easily between the two of you. And when you finally leave the restaurant, Minho grabs you a cab and you wave him off with a smile. You couldn't lie to yourself, you had a really good time with him. You liked to think that Minho was no longer just a rival, but a possible friend.

But now that you were laying in your bed, you couldn’t help but curse Minho in your brain. His repetitive talk about murder made you paranoid, and now every creak in your apartment made you feel as if death was really right around the corner. 

You decide to text him, figuring that if you couldn’t sleep because of him, you could at least disturb him for a bit. 

Yn : I hate you I'm paranoid from your murder talk

Minho : Poor baby

Yn : Is that you at my door?

Suddenly your phone rings, the shrill sound echoing around your apartment. It was a Facetime call from Minho. You panic for a few seconds, before remembering that you just spent your entire night with him. A call can’t be more daunting than a real-life meeting. 

"See, I’m in my home," he tells you as soon as you pick up and you laugh.

"It's pitch black, I can't see."

"Just say you miss my face." You can’t see him but you can clearly hear the proud grin in his voice. 

"What's there to miss?"

"Are you actually scared?" Minho asks gently and you clear your throat, feeling ridiculous all of the sudden. 

"There is a tree right outside my window and it keeps rustling from the wind," you grumble and Minho laughs at you. 

"Trees can't hurt you."

"No shit Sherlock."

"Close your eyes.” He instructs and you frown at his words. 

"Why?"

"I’ll tell you a story."

"Fine.” You close your eyes tentatively. It’s quiet for a few seconds and you feel yourself relax slightly. 

"So, I bought a sous-vide machine and-"

"Is your bedtime story going to be about meat?"

"Yes?” He replies as if it’s an evidence, “Now be quiet." You pretend to zip your mouth and Minho faintly giggles, before resuming his story. "So, I was saying. I bought one and I wanted to experience different kinds of meats. So, I bought a 30-day aged one and a 58-day aged one and I cooked them both."

"What did you use?" you ask quietly. 

"Just garlic, and thyme, I didn't want to overpower the taste of meat. Anyways I cooked them, but I didn't have plastic bags so I had to go out and buy them."

"Mm," you hum in acknowledgment. You could feel your nerves slowly dissipate with Minho's every word. His story might be ridiculous but his honey-coated voice compensated for it, wrapping around you like a protective cocoon. 

"And I found pudding there so I had to buy it."

"Obviously," you whisper. Sleep was knocking on your door, but paradoxically you tried to fight it off. You wanted to hear the rest of Minho’s story. 

"And I went back home and I cooked it, then I plated it nicely with vegetables that I sauteed with butter and garlic. Just mushrooms and potatoes, nothing too fancy. Again, my main focus was the meat. But there wasn't a difference between the two. They tasted the same for me, for some reason. And I didn't like this because the aged one was very expensive. Maybe I was scammed. Honestly, that butcher looked kind of suspicio..."

Your quiet snores make Minho pause in his tracks, and he laughs quietly. You did end up falling asleep. He can't see your face clearly, but he can see its outline and he stares at you for a while. You look peaceful.

He goes to hang up but his finger hovers over the 'end call' button. You aren't talking, but your hums are quiet enough that they fill up the space around him. It calms him down, and he lets his head fall on the pillow, his phone lying beside him.

He closes his eyes, thinking that maybe he just found the silence you talked about earlier on. 

You just made his world stop.

✹✹✹

The second semester had just started and with it the return of frat parties. You were excited at the prospect of going to one with your new friend Mina. You met her in the library when you both went to grab the same book. You quickly apologized but she waved you off, handing you the book with a huge smile on her face. She was bubbly, like a human serotonin boost, and she started gushing about how much she loved the author. You saw her again in the campus cafeteria, and she skipped towards you as if you've both known each other your entire life. That was the start of your friendship.

You walk into the frat house, both your arms encircling each other. The flashing lights of the party blind you for a moment, and it takes you a while to adjust to the loud music bouncing off of the walls. But you like it, it was like a shield from the outside world and its problems. 

You feel yourself letting loose in the crowd, swaying your hips to the music. Mina spins you around and you laugh, dancing with no care in the world. It was just the both of you in that instant. 

Mina spots Jeongin in the crowd, a friend of hers that she had an immense crush on. You couldn’t blame her- he was very attractive; his easy smirk and his blonde tousled hair earned him lots of appreciative looks from the people around him. But when his eyes locked with Mina’s, you found that his face morphed into a beautiful smile, that made his dimples look on full display, as if it was only reserved for her.

“Go get your man!” You shout in her ears, so she’d be able to hear you. 

“What are you talking about?” She yells back, but you could see the nervous smile on her face.

“He likes you! Go talk to him!”

“I don’t want to leave you alone. We came together!” She clasps your hand in hers and you smile touched by her kind spirit.

“I’ll be fine. I’ll go to the kitchen to get some drinks. Go have fun!”

“You are sure?” She asks, her eyes darting between you and Jeongin, who was still looking at her, and her only. 

“Yes! Go!” You say, gently pushing her away. Mina jogs up to Jeongin who greets her with a side hug. He quickly glances at you and you shoot him a thumbs-up, to which he grins. You loved playing Cupid.

With that, you decide to head to the kitchen to grab a drink. You pick a beer from the fridge, double-checking if the can is closed before opening it. 

You lean on the countertop, sipping on your drink while you watch the crowd, humming along each time a song you knew played. You enjoyed watching people dance freely from afar, with no apparent care in the world.

You feel someone stand next to you and you brace yourself, getting ready to tell the person off if they decide to bother you. You didn’t have the energy for mindless flirting. But then, you smell the cologne that has lingered around you for the past term- Minho. You haven't seen him since your dinner. That was a month ago.

"Fancy seeing you here," he greets as he leans on the counter right next to you, his eyes fixated on the mingling bodies.

You turn around to face him, faking an outraged gasp, "Are you following me?"

"Mmm. You look nice", he compliments and you smile cheekily, "I know."

"Won't tell me I look nice too?" he smirks, leaning closer to your face. "Someone didn’t get enough compliments tonight?" You pout, placing a hand on your heart in mock concern.

"I did, but I want to hear it from you. You’re the only sensible person in this room."

"You look nice. Now leave me alone."

"Come on, I know you can do better than that", he jokes and you roll your eyes, muttering “You’re annoying”, under your breath.

Still, you comply, placing your arms on top of the counter and leaning your head on them to get a better look at him. He does the same, smiling, and you both stare at each other for a while after that.

The strobing lights dance on Minho’s face, casting enticing shadows on him. You've always known he was a beautiful man; you've looked into his eyes far too many times in your heated conversations. But this time was different, there was no cheeky smirk on his face nor a furrow in his eyebrows. He was simply looking at you, and it made a pool of warmth huddle in your belly. You feel yourself relax under his gaze, everything around you seemingly melts away.

You weren’t wrong when you thought that his eyes were like a black hole, pulling you in. But this time, you realize that you didn’t mind knowing what was on the other side. On the contrary, you longed for it. 

"I like your eyes right now. They remind me of the night sky. Black, with tiny little stars littered in them," you finally say.

Minho is taken aback by your words, he wasn't expecting you to compliment him, let alone to tell him something so special. He can feel his cheeks burn red at your words, feel his heart hammering in his chest. He's afraid you can hear it too.

He doesn't know what to say, so instead he clears his throat, plastering a smirk on his face, "I heard better." He hasn't. This is the first genuine compliment he's ever gotten.

"Oh, fuck off," you laugh and he joins you. The music was loud and yet the only sound his ear seemed to pick up was your laugh.

"Are you here alone?" He asks, and you shake your head no, "Came with my friend Mina."

"Did she leave you by yourself?" He frowns and you feel yourself warm up at his worried tone. "I told her to go talk to Jeongin."

"Next time, don’t stay alone."

“Fine, Dad.” You chastise and he stares pointedly at you, "I’m serious, yn."

You take another swing of the beer before turning your body fully towards Minho. After a few beats of silence, you finally ask a question that has been on your mind for a while. "Why do you say my name this way?"

"What way?" He questions and you shrug, "Slowly. People used to always rush it but you don’t."

"Well, it’s a pretty name. It deserves to be pronounced as a whole."

You beam at his words; you smile so brightly it makes his heart skip a beat. This is the first time you’ve grinned this widely at him, no hand in front of your mouth as if to hide it. He did notice how you were a reserved person outside of class, as if you were afraid of taking up too much place. But he could tell you were slowly unraveling, growing bolder with each passing month. He wanted to tell you that if people like you spoke more, the world would be a far better place. 

But he couldn't bring himself to say all of this, so he forced those bubbling words down his throat. "I’m hungry," he whines instead and you laugh at his pout. "I'm kind of craving a greasy pizza."

"Should we go buy it? You can tell Mina to come so we can walk her back."

"I’ll ask her."

You shoot Mina a text, asking her where she was and telling her about your plan. She replies that she’s with Jeongin who just offered to take her home, so you could leave without her.

"We can go." You tell him and he nods. Minho shrugs his leather jacket off, gently placing it on your shoulders. His warmth engulfs you and you sink further into it. His arm hovers around your shoulder not touching you as he leads you out of the party. He has never touched your body, you note, it's like he was everywhere and nowhere at once.

You both walk to an open parlor near the frat house, and you order a Margarita pizza to share. You sit down on a nearby bench to eat it- the night breeze too liberating to pass up on.

As you both finish eating, a cat with white and orange stripes all over her body approaches the both of you cautiously, and you pat her head softly. "Aren't you the cutest thing ever?" you coo and Minho chuckles as he scratches the cat’s chin. She purrs at his touch appreciatively, and you smile at the soft look on his face. 

"Never knew you to be this gentle", you giggle and Minho shushes you, "Let's not do this in front of the cat."

"Why are you acting as if we are a divorced couple and she’s our child."

"Easy, yn. You make it sound as if you want me to marry you."

"Now you're just projecting," you chastise and he laughs, eliciting giggles from you. He had a melodic laugh, you noticed, and you always felt a surge of pride whenever you made him close his eyes and tip his head from laughter. You felt as if it's a sight only you can see.

"I have three cats", he says softly and you gasp, "Really? We spent all of our Sundays in a cat café and this is when you tell me?"

"I only tell my friends."

"So we're friends now?" You gush and he rolls his eyes at you, "I take it back."

"What’s their names?" You ask curiously and his eyes soften at your question- you could easily tell he loved them dearly.

"Soongie, Doongie, and Dori. They are rescues."

"That’s very sweet of you Minho."

"Most of my scars come from them though," he chuckles but you sober up at his words, quietly scratching the cat's ears.

"What’s on your mind?" He asks and you glance at him. It was scary how well he’s starting to know you. But it was also nice; to be known is to exist, after all.

"I just... Sometimes I wish that memories would leave physical scars on you. Because at least then, you could treat them, put a band-aid on, and watch them fade away day by day. Because when the scars are emotional, you can’t treat them, you know? And someday someone brings up a name or a place, or you smell a certain scent, and suddenly they reopen as if no time has gone by at all.”

Minho stays silent for a while, mulling over your words. You don't mind, you weren't expecting him to comfort you. You just needed to free those words from the mental prison you've held them in for so long.

"Do you know Kintsugi?" he finally asks and you shake your head no.

"It's a Japanese art. They put back together broken vases with molten gold. It represents strength despite our flaws."

"That sounds nice," you sigh wistfully and he nods. 

"It is. When you look at that vase, you know that it was once broken, but it doesn't take away from its beauty, on the contrary, it adds to it. Scars, whether they are emotional or physical are there for a reason. They remind us of how we pushed through whatever life threw at us."

"Am I supposed to be grateful I survived this?" You chuckle lowly, as your hand scratches the cat’s ear. Your fingers brush against Minho’s and you hesitate for a few seconds before moving them away.

"I wouldn't say grateful for what you went through," he speaks once again, "but grateful to yourself. At the end of the day, the reason why you're still here is you. You put yourself back together," he then bumps his elbow into your side softly, "and hey, even if your scars reopen there will come a time when they wouldn’t anymore. Sometimes, it takes a while to be okay again."

This was Minho’s way of telling you that someday it wouldn’t hurt anymore. That someday you’d be okay. And you needed to hear that. You needed to hear someone else other than yourself tell you that.

"Thank you, Minho, I needed that", you smile at him and he grins back at you before his smile turns to a smirk. "I charge 15 dollars for the hour by the way."

"Oh, come on! You didn't even say something revolutionary." You are lying. Minho's words will echo in your mind long after this night- a beacon of light to hold onto.

"Oh, so now it’s no longer ‘I needed that’. Tsk," he jokes a smirk still plastered on his face.

"Okay, Mr. Therapist. I’ll pay for your coffee tomorrow, sounds good?"

"I should have you as my client more often," he winks and you laugh, head tipped back. You were grateful more than ever for his teasing, loving how it wasn’t awkward between you after your discussion.

"You are a good listener." You tell him as you stand up, dusting your pants.

"I’m good at everything," he grins cheekily at you and you roll your eyes playfully, "And here I thought we were having a moment."

You both start walking side by side toward your home when Minho speaks again. His tone is quiet as if he wasn’t sure he wanted you to hear him. "About earlier, your compliment, I mean. I suppose I didn't thank you. So, thank you," he scratches the tip of his ears and you shrug nonchalantly. "It's the truth. You might get on my ass but that doesn't change the fact you are a pretty man."

He doesn’t respond and you tug at the sleeve of his shirt playfully, "You won't tell me I’m pretty too?"

"But then I’d be lying."

"Asshole."

"Pretty," he replies without missing a beat.

You laugh loudly, hand tightly clutching your stomach and he joins you. There is a newfound lightness in your steps now. Unbeknownst to him, Minho just managed to lift a small weight off your shoulders, allowing you a brief moment of respite.

"This is me," you say when you arrive in front of your apartment block, "Thank you for walking me home."

"Of course. Don't dream of me."

"Idiot," you laugh waving him off and he does the same. "Oh, and text me when you get home safely!" you shout before heading inside.

For the second time this night, Minho is blushing profusely at your words. He sighs to himself, waiting patiently until a light turns on in your place to leave.

✹✹✹

It’s been two months since the start of the new term. You still went to Limbo, every Saturday with Minho- even when you didn’t need to study. 

Sometimes you’d just grab a book and you’d both read, a cat lazily lounging at your feet. You started sitting at the same table too; you figured it was easier since one of you always pays for the other. When you have a bet, but also randomly, when you notice that the other person is feeling down and you want to cheer them up without saying anything.

That's why you bought three bubble teas for Minho in a row. He was quieter these days, you noticed. He didn’t talk to you nor did he retort back in class. It was the first time you’ve seen him this way. As if he was a simple shell of the person he usually is. 

You were walking out of your Communications Strategies class, which Minho weirdly didn’t come to when you realized that it was pouring rain. You smile lightly to yourself, grateful since you thought about picking up an umbrella this morning. 

As you walk through campus, everyone around you running to take shelter, you spot someone sitting on a bench, completely drenched from the rain. Their head is hung low and you frown to yourself. They would surely get a cold if they stay there.

But then the person raises their head and you quickly realize it's Minho. You jog up to him instinctively, standing in front of him and shielding him from the rain with your umbrella.

He looks up at you and you feel your heart clench. His eyes are void of emotion and he stares blankly at you. "Are you okay?" you ask and he blinks at your words, as if his brain hadn't yet registered that you were there.

"Yeah."

"You don't look like it", you tilt your head to the side and he looks down again. You have to strain to hear his next words, muffled by the rain and his mumbling, "I don't want to talk, yn."

You decide to put away your umbrella and sit down next to him on the bench. The rain falls rapidly on both of you, and you feel yourself grow cold from it. 

"What are you doing?" He questions, turning to the side to look at you.

"Enjoying the rain. It is kind of stupid that we have umbrellas, right?"

"You'll catch a cold."

"I mean we always complain about the drought and then when it rains, we hide from it. But it's really beautiful."          

"Stop, I don't want you to get sick."

"Well, neither do I. Let's go eat some soup. My treat."

"Yn, I don’t-"

"I thought you were smart enough to know I won't take no for an answer."

"But I-" you cut him off again. "Also, I’m doing this for me because when you order for two, they give you a lot of side dishes. Now come on."

You stand up and he looks doubtfully at you, before following suit. You open up the umbrella again and hold it over both of your heads. He has to huddle close to you, and your shoulders brush against each other. Once, twice. Not that you're keeping count. But your body is always hyper-aware of Minho’s proximity. You also notice how he silently moves from your right to your left, this way he's the one walking right next to the speeding cars. Your hold on the umbrella tightens. You were still not used to those small attentions of his. 

You arrive in front of your apartment block and he hesitates. "Come up, I won't murder you I promise." You joke and he smiles lightly back at your words. Progress.

He enters your dorm and you can see him eying his surroundings. You know that if it was another time, he would have teased you about something- anything. But he stays quiet, and you find yourself missing the sound of his voice.

"Would you like to shower?" You offer and he nods, "Please."

You lead him to your bathroom and show him where the washing machine is. "Put your clothes in there for a quick wash and dry. You can shower meanwhile."

He nods again as you hand him a towel. "I'll be outside."

You quickly leave the bathroom to place the soup orders, and Minho discards his wet clothes, walking into your shower. The water is piping hot, and he leans his forehead on the cold tiles. He doesn’t move for the first ten minutes, too tired at the prospect of lifting his limbs.

Nothing particular happened. But he’d go through days when he’d quiet down because everything around him was too much. The feel of his clothes against his skin, and the sun streaming through his curtains. But it always passes. Minho was a realistic man and he knew that his emotions would regulate themselves. That’s why he didn’t like appearing vulnerable in front of other people.

But for some reason, he didn’t mind lowering his guard with you. He knew you wouldn’t judge.

He sighs, grabbing your cherry-scented shampoo and pouring it into his hands. He can clearly smell you now. The scent of your hair that always tickles his nose, whenever you are sitting close to him. Your body wash is next and he wonders if this is how your skin smells, like vanilla and jasmine, and something entirely you. 

Forty minutes later, Minho finally steps out of the shower. His clothes are clean and he quickly puts them on. He dries his hair with the towel as he walks out of your bathroom towards the living room. 

He finds you sitting on the ground, in front of a heater that looks close to giving up. He makes a mental note of giving you the one he has since he doesn't really use it. You changed out of your clothes too, and you are now wearing a pair of pajamas with little bunnies sewn into it. The sight almost manages to make him smile. 

"Still cold?" you question when you notice him standing behind you, unmoving, and he shakes his head no.

"Good, the soup is here." You say cheerfully, pointing at the steaming bowls sitting on your table. Minho hums in reply and you stand up, grabbing the towel from his hands to place it on the drying rack.

You come back, a soft green blanket in your hands. You sit on the couch and pat the spot beside you. Minho sits next to you, and you lay the blanket on both of your laps, before handing him his soup.

You start the show you’ve been last watching, as you both eat in silence, your legs crisscrossed. You make some comments throughout the episodes. You figured that it was a safe territory, to talk about something as mundane as this. He didn't reply but you didn't mind. You weren't here to have a conversation with him. You just wanted to distract him.

You realize at that moment that Minho always looked so put together to you. But he had problems of his own too. That much was obvious. It made you feel closer to him, in a sense. You were both just trying to make it through the day.

Two hours later, you get up to grab a book, handing Minho the remote to put on a show of his own. You curl in a ball in the corner, reading where you left off last night.

"Can you... Can you read out loud?" Minho speaks for the first time in a while and you look at him. His eyes are closed, his head resting against your couch.

"Sure."

You start to read, and Minho further sinks into the couch. He feels at home here. Because the blanket is soft and the light is dim enough to not hurt his eyes. Or it could be that he smells like you, a scent so comforting he wants to bury himself in it. Or maybe it's your voice that floats through the air, slowly clouding Minho’s every sense. He feels as if he could see the words you were pronouncing dancing in front of his eyes. You enunciated each syllable clearly, making sure that no sound was forgotten.

As Minho gently drifted to sleep, he felt as if he was part of the words you read out loud. He felt as if you were treating him with the same care, making sure that he knew he wasn't invisible. At least not to you.

When you wake up the next morning, Minho is gone. And his place beside you on the couch is empty. He made you breakfast, scrambled eggs, and freshly pressed orange juice. And right next to it you find a note, "Thank you for reading to me."

✹✹✹

Minho didn't believe in having a lot of friends. He was content with the two people he had, Chan and Changbin. The latter was his high school friend, he skipped a year and ended up being in the same class as Minho. They didn't talk at first until the day Changbin dropped a book on Minho's foot. The brooding man started apologizing profusely, and that was the start of their friendship. They've kept in touch since.

Chan was his roommate at university. It's not that he particularly wanted to befriend him, but Chan was a social butterfly and he quickly managed to pull Minho into his friendly trap. He annoys Minho the most, but in an endearing way. And although Chan is older, Minho still strangely developed a soft spot for him. 

And he supposes he has you too now. At first, you weren’t friends, rivals at most. He enjoyed reeling you up and having you frown at his words in your heated debates. He also liked talking to you, because your ideas were interesting and you always gave him a new fresh perceptive to see things.

That’s how he strictly saw you as, an intelligent human who he liked to debate with.

But then he started to look forward to meeting up with you at Limbo. He no longer minded the fact that you took his self-assigned table, from his high school days. And he laughed more freely with you, enjoying how you always had a witty retort sitting at the tip of your tongue. 

That’s how he started to notice things that friends most definitely notice. How you have a charm bracelet you always fidget with whenever you are nervous. How you stray away from physical touch. How you scratch your eyebrow when you are deep in thought.

But also, how you seem to have an obsession with cherries. Your cherry pendant, your cherry-scented shampoo, and your cherry-tainted lips. A friend would most certainly think that your lips are like red wine-stained glass.

He remembers one of the many times when you were at Limbo, and he saw you reapply your lip tint, or so you called it. You caught him looking and he swiftly averted his gaze, but it wasn't quick enough. Suddenly you were in front of him, a tiny red bottle in hand.

"Let me apply it to you," you smiled and he pushed your head away with his pointer finger. "No."

"Please," you pouted and he couldn't help but find you adorable. You sometimes reminded him of a small kitten. But he didn’t dare to call you by that nickname. 

"Never."

"If I score more than you in our environmental assignment then I will do it."

"Fine." he huffed so that you'd leave him alone.

Minho didn't study for that assignment. He blamed it on a headache, not that it's ever stopped him before. And two weeks later you were in front of him, eyebrows scrunched in concentration. You applied the lip tint gently on his plump lips, carefully tracing over his cupid bow. 

Your face was mere inches away from his and he noticed how you were wearing a gloss today, for change. It was shimmering under the lights and he usually didn't like glittery things, but he couldn't take his eyes off your lips. 

"All done!" you clapped excitedly, snapping him out of his haze. You then shove your phone camera into his face so he'd look at the results.

"You should be a model. Your face is perfectly sculpted," you comment nonchalantly, before sitting back in your seat. 

“I know.” He replies confidently, but his hand kept fiddling with the tip of his now pink ears. He couldn't concentrate for the rest of the night.

You were his friend because he always worried if you were eating enough. That’s why he urged you to grab a bite in the convenience store near Limbo, whenever you finished up your studying late.

This was one of the many times you sat on the minuscule table outside, hot ramen bowls in front of the both of you. Minho huffed in annoyance between each bite, his bangs were getting longer, disturbing him when he leaned down to slurp his noodles. 

“Here,” you stand up from your place, a hair tie in your hands. 

“What are you doing?” He questions as you stand behind him. You don’t reply, silently grabbing his hair and putting it up in a tiny ponytail, this way it wouldn’t get in his eyes anymore.

“Voila,” you sit back down, resuming your eating. Minho was grateful for the dimly lit street because his entire face was burning up. Your fingers in his hair were gentle and he wondered how it would feel if you ran your fingers through it. 

This was something friends think about, right? 

"I’ll cut my hair tomorrow," he clears his throat. He didn't know why he told you. You certainly weren't interested in his hair endeavors.

"What?!" you yell, "Don't. Your hair is beautiful why would you cut it?"

"Because it's getting longer."

"But it suits you."

Minho also noticed how you always threw compliments his way. Not in a flirtatious way, but in a genuine one. He couldn't help but wonder what made you this way. Did you so freely give love to others because you knew how it felt to not receive it?

"I’ll still cut it."

Minho returned home; his hair still clipped back in a ponytail. Chan eyed him weirdly but he shut him off with a glare. The elastic remained at his bedside since.

He didn't cut his hair.

The moment Minho started to consider you a close friend, was when you invited him over to watch your show. You didn’t force him to open up that night, and he appreciated it, more than he let on.

That's how a week later, he finds himself walking towards your dorm again. The thoughts in his head got too much, and Chan was immersed in his makeshift studio, which meant he won't be free for the next four hours, minimum.

He didn't plan on going to you. It was late at night and you were probably asleep, but his feet naturally led him to the direction of your place.

He knocks softly on your door. He wasn't even sure if he wanted you to open. What would you think of him showing up at eleven pm? He should have thought this thro-

"Minho?" you call out, and he startles a bit, his feet already inching away from the door.

"This was a bad idea, I'm sorry," he starts to retract back but you grab the hem of his jacket to stop him. "Do you... Do you want to watch my show with me?" you ask, a soft smile on your face and he nods tentatively.

"Okay, come in," you open the door wider and Minho follows you inside. The look in his eyes reminds you of the day you found him sitting under the rain. You didn't like it, you wanted him to find his spark back, his usual demeanor. He wasn't deserving of anything but happiness.

"I’ve started a new show, this one's a bit more romantic, so don't go around imagining me as the main character," you tease and he scoffs at your words, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

He doesn't reply, but you don't mind. There was this secret agreement between the two of you, you would talk and he would listen. He needed the distraction, and you needed the company. Sometimes the line between alone and lonely blurs, and on days like these, Minho’s presence fills the void inside.

You comment on the scenes and Minho hums in reply, you watch three episodes in a row, and your eyes are getting drowsy, so you close them.

"Minho," you call out gently and he turns his head towards you.

"Yeah?"

"What color are you feeling tonight?" You ask, referencing to what he told you on your dinner celebration. That felt like an eternity ago.

"Black." You stay silent and Minho fidgets with his hands before speaking once again. "I feel a lot at the same time, too much of every color. That's why- that's why I said black."

"How can I help you feel yellow?"

"You already do." His admission came softly and it made your breath hitch in your throat. You wanted to open your eyes and look at him, but you figured it will only make him close off even more.

“Okay. Will you stay for breakfast?”, you whisper. You were very sleepy, the soft chatter of the TV and your hushed conversation were like a lullaby to you. 

"You want me to?" he asks, and he sounds so vulnerable you can't find it in you to say anything but the truth.

"I do," you admit, and that's the last thing you remember before sleeping.

Your head falls near Minho’s lap on the couch, your hair tickling his exposed thigh. Minho shouldn’t feel this way, he thinks. He’s sitting on the leather couch and his feet are touching the cold floor and yet all he can feel is three strands of your hair tickling him.

He glances at you, at your now parted lips and your relaxed eyebrows. His hand hovers over your hair, but then he curls it into a tight fist. What is he doing? He thinks to himself as he drags an angry hand through his face. He sighs, before standing up and grabbing the blanket you had on the opposing chair. He gently lays it on your body before sitting next to you once again. 

You told him to stay for breakfast. He’ll stay.

✹✹✹

2 months later

"Yn!" Minho shouts in your ear as he plops down next to you. You startle, dropping the book you were reading. 

"I hate you," you grumble, picking up your book and he smiles cheekily at you, "No you don't."

You were laying on the grass of your campus garden, in between two classes, trying to kill the time. It was April so the weather was perfect for lying under the warm sunrays. You loved spring, it always held within it the promise of a better time. 

"What are you doing?"

"I was reading before you got here and started to annoy me." 

"Don't mind me. Do your thing." 

"And what are you doing?"

"Enjoying the sun."

"You couldn't find any other place to do so?"

"Nope."

"You're annoying" You try to sound mad but the smile on your face betrays you. You started looking forward to any moment Minho randomly shows up throughout your day. Sometimes it's late at night when he's suddenly craving sushi and he drags you with him because if he's not studying then you shouldn't be too. 

Sometimes it's during the day, when he takes you to a new garden where he found the quote "cutest cats in existence". Not as cute as his cats, of course. 

Sometimes it's late afternoon when he just knocks on your door, and he's there with Chan-his roommate who sometimes joins your study sessions- snacks in their hands. You've learned that what Minho doesn't say in words, he compensates by spending time with you. And you didn't tell him but waiting for these moments has been the joy of your life for the past few weeks.

It made you feel excited- like a child waiting up for Christmas morning to discover what gifts they are receiving. 

So, you resume reading, as Minho is lying next to you. You could smell his pinewood cologne and you wished you could pour his essence into a bottle and carry it with you everywhere. 

You notice how the sun is hitting Minho’s eyes directly, and how his eyebrows are scrunched up at the aggression. So, you grab your book with your left hand, and hover your right one over his eyes, shielding him from the sun. Minho's breath tickles your hand and you can feel goosebumps rising through your skin. 

It's as if every physical proximity with Minho made you feel hyperaware of every part of your body, and how he can lighten it with a simple breath from his part. It made you wonder what it would feel to have his hands on your skin.

As if Minho heard your thoughts, he gently wraps his thumb and index finger around your wrist, steadying your hand in place so it wouldn't strain your arm. You suddenly don't know what page you are in, too overwhelmed by the feeling of his hands on you. 

His touch is very featherlight and you are afraid to move, to break the bubble you are suddenly pulled into. 

"Read to me," he tells you and you gulp. You never understood why Minho enjoyed it when you read to him. 

"Like my voice that much?" you tease, in an attempt to hide how affected you are. You were so close to him; it would be easy to slide down and lay your head on his chest. You wondered how his heartbeat would sound. Was it steady, or racing just like your own? 

"Yeah, it's calming," he replies sincerely, catching you off guard. You didn't expect him to compliment you, and now you are racking your brain for a retort, anything to make you breathe again. 

"Growing soft on me Minho?" you say, the same question you asked on your first dinner out. The first time you truly saw him, the first time you felt as if you were two pieces of the same puzzle, just waiting for someone to connect the both of you. 

He doesn't reply. And you sit there, patiently waiting. His first answer came so easily, so naturally, because he was being sarcastic, "I’m basically in love with you", he told you back then. So why can't he say it again?

"Yes, I am." He finally replies and you feel your breath catch in your throat. You try to account it for your brain misguiding you. It wasn't Minho speaking, it was the rustling of the leaves and the singing of the birds that you just heard. But it was him, and now his eyes are open and he's looking at you. Your hand is still shielding his eyes and his fingers are still wrapped around your wrist. And you are suddenly feeling. You are feeling too much. You don't know what to do with those feelings cursing through your veins and you can't face them. Because they are scaring you.

"I'll just... Yeah, I’ll just read," you say quietly, too flustered by his intense gaze. You were already on the other side, you realize. His eyes pulled you in and you were stuck in there, swimming in a pool of honey. 

"Out loud," he says and you chuckle, "Fine, Min." The nickname slips out of your tongue naturally and you quickly snap your head towards Minho to see if he noticed. 

His eyes are closed, and there is a slight smile on his face, and you can swear that he just repeated the nickname to himself softly. 

✹✹✹

You've been so sick these past days, you barely managed to go to class. Your head throbbed with pain and your entire body felt as if someone thoroughly boxed it. 

You were grateful that Minho reeled down his teasing because you had no energy to retort back. He may have noticed how sick you felt and truthfully it would be hard not to. You stayed silent throughout the day, and you looked so pale, you avoided looking at the mirror altogether.

Though Minho didn't talk to you, he still silently placed water bottles and some of your favorite snacks on your desk. You'd down the water, grateful for the relief it brought your sore throat. And when you didn't touch the food, he'd immediately text you 'Eat up', followed by a simple 'Please'. Having someone else care for your well-being felt weird, but it warmed your heart beyond what words could describe. 

You only came today to pass your Criminal Law mid-term, but your head hurt so badly that you weren't even sure what you wrote on your paper. The words blurred in front of your eyes and you almost slept in the middle of your exam, exhaustion threatening to take over your body. 

You fucked up, badly. You haven't screwed up this much in years.

You thought that you were slowly getting better since Minho surpassing you no longer sparked an unworthy feeling within you. But apparently, you were wrong to believe so. Self-doubt crept up within you once again, and the ugly feelings it stirred slowly clawed at your throat, making it hard for you to breathe.

It was one test, and yet it reeled you back ages ago. 

Tears threaten to spill out of your eyes as you hurriedly walk out of your class. You make a beeline for the library, figuring that it will be mostly empty by now. 

You pull out a chair and sit on it, lowering your head down so no one will see you. Your tears are falling rapidly and you hit your thigh repeatedly.  You hated how weak you felt in that instant. 

"Yn?", someone calls out and you curse internally. You don't have to look up to see who it is, Minho's voice has become a part of you- you could easily recognize it between a thousand mingling sounds. 

You don't want him to see you, especially not like this, weak and vulnerable and on the verge of breaking down. So you quickly slip a pair of sunglasses on your eyes, before raising your head to look at him. "Hm?"

"Are you okay?" he asks, his tone so soft it makes you want to cry ten times fold. You hated it, hated how attentive he was to you. You didn't deserve it. 

"Yeah, yeah. I'm just here to pick a book," you lie, abruptly standing up and heading toward the rows behind you. You desperately needed to get away from him. 

You pause in front of a random shelf and then you feel Minho standing behind you. You grab a random book and he peeks above your shoulder to see it, "Economics? You hate this subject."

"Why are you following me?" you turn around attempting your best to sound mad. When in reality, your heart was brimming with hurt. You wished you could get away from your body and seep into someone's soul to feel what it's like to love yourself.

"You aren't okay," he asserts and you hate it. You hate that he sounds so sure of himself. Was it that noticeable? Were you not fooling anyone?

"I am," your voice is shaking but you are adamant about contradicting him. You couldn't let him see you. What if he runs?

"Then..." he steps forward and you take a step back until your back is against the shelf. His left arm cages your body, but his right one stays by his side. He is leaving you an opening, you realize, an outing in case you feel uncomfortable. Against all odds, you don't.

 "Why are you hiding from me?" he asks, gently taking your sunglasses off your face, and placing them on the top of your head.

You don't look up at him, and he hooks his finger underneath your chin, gently raising your head. When your tear-stained eyes meet his, he frowns deeply, "Why are you crying?"

"it's nothing."

"Yn..."

"I fucked up, okay?! That was the worst test I’ve ever given in years." The tears start to flow at your words and you wipe them away aggressively. You despised crying in front of people. 

Minho raises his hand to wipe the tears away for you but he quickly retracts it- you probably wouldn't want him to touch your face. It was enough that he had grabbed your wrist a couple of weeks before this. He quickly racks his brain for something to do, because the sight of your tears is making his heart ache in a way he hasn't felt before. It's as if he's feeling your emotions deep within him.

In desperation, Minho pinches your arm and you yelp, startled. "What was that for?" you whisper-shout and he raises his hands in defense, "I didn't know what else to do."

"So, you thought about pinching me?" you chuckle in bewilderment and he scratches the top of his hair sheepishly. 

"I mean, it worked. Look, you stopped crying," he points out raising his brows at you proudly and you shake your head at him.

"Remind me to never cry in front of you again." 

Minho grins at you before his face turns serious once again. "Look, you are the smartest person I know," he pauses, adding with a cheeky smirk, "After me of course." Which makes you giggle against your will. 

"Shut up", you lightly punch his chest and he smiles. "One test doesn't define you. You always work very hard. I wouldn't lie to you."

"Mm," you hum and he frowns at your lack of enthusiasm, but still, he doesn't comment. 

"No more crying," he wiggles his finger in front of your face and you roll your eyes, wiping the rest of your tears away. "Fine. Pretend as if this never happened."

"What are you talking about?" he asks as if confused, and you can't help the smile tugging at the corner of your mouth. It's as if Minho knows exactly what to say to cheer you up. 

"Come with me," he tells you, gently pulling you by the sleeve of your hoodie. 

"Where to?"

"I’m craving ice cream."

"And why do you need me?"

"You're craving ice cream too," he says in a matter-of-a-fact tone. 

"Only if you're paying," you add with a giggle and he whines loudly, "I feel so so used around you." 

True to his words, Minho takes you to the nearest ice cream parlor. It's a 20 minutes walk away and you are grateful for the distance because it helps you clear your head a bit.

Minho lets you pick whatever flavors you want, and when you hesitate between two of them, he tells the cashier to put them both into your cup. This is how you end up with a container of 5 scoops of ice cream. You insisted you'd share, and Minho begrudgingly agreed when you threatened to walk out and leave him.

You then walk to a deserted alley and sit on the sidewalk. You didn't want to be around people right now, and thankfully, Minho understood without you having to say a word.  

You munch silently on your ice cream and Minho does the same, the both of you lost in your thoughts. You naturally take turns holding the freezing container, so it wouldn't numb the fingers of one of you.

When you're done, Minho stands up to throw it away in a nearby trashcan before sitting back again next to you. 

Suddenly you feel him gently tapping your hand. You look down to find that you've curled your fingers into a tight fist, so much that there are crescent indents visible on your palm now. 

"Let's play thumb war," he tells you and you giggle at his words. You never knew what to expect from him. 

Still, as your fingers hold each other, and your thumb circles one another, you feel yourself calm down slightly. You play a couple of rounds, and you know he's going easy on you, allowing you to quickly trap his thumb down. 

No one has gone to such lengths to cheer you up, and you suddenly feel so grateful for Minho’s presence in your life. You didn't care in what shape he was in, you just needed him to be in it. Which in turn makes you think how bad it'd hurt if he ever leaves. 

You don't want Minho to leave. You've gotten so attached to him that the thought of not talking to him again makes your heart race in panic. 

Minho notices the change in your expression, suddenly melancholic once again. Your hand has gone limp in his, the thumb war long forgotten by you. 

He curses under his breath, before looking at you. "If I dance for you, will you quit being so sad?"

"Dance for me?" you repeat incredulously and he nods, "Yes. I’ll show you an upcoming choreography just... Please smile?" 

"Okay," you giggle, plastering a wide grin on your face. 

"Not like that you look scary."

"Get to dancing!" you clap excitedly and he rolls his eyes, standing up and looking through his phone for a particular music. 

"Oh and no comment!" he looks pointedly at you, and you nod, pretending to zip your mouth and throwing away the key. 

'Finesse' by Bruno Mars starts playing and you are left mesmerized by the way Minho dances. It's short but it leaves you yearning to see more. His body moves smoothly, hitting each beat effortlessly. He made it look as if dancing was second nature to him, that it came as easily to him as breathing. 

You were speechless, rightfully so. You wished you could build a world where all Minho did was dance. 

"That was-" you start when he stops the music but he cuts you off instantly, "I said no comment."

"But--" Minho places his finger on your mouth to silence you, seemingly not thinking too much of it. But the feel of his finger on your lips makes you dizzy. Minho quickly takes off his hand, a blush evidently creeping up his neck. 

"Let's just go home," he sighs in defeat and you laugh despite the intense feelings cursing through you.

You don't know if you are imagining it but you swear that your pinkies brush against each other on your walk back. As if there was this magnetic force pulling them together. You wondered what would happen if you just linked your pinky with his. Would he grab you by the hand or will he let go of you entirely?

You were too much of a coward to find out. You were scared of messing up anything with him. So, you'd settle for this. Stolen glances and random outings. You just need him in your life. 

"Thank you for today," you tell Minho once you arrive and he shrugs, as what he did wasn't a big deal.

"No, I mean it. Thank you," you repeat, trying your best to convey how sincere you were being. You take in a deep breath, before grabbing his hand and squeezing it, for a fleeting second, before dropping it again. 

Minho is sure that your hand will now be imprinted into his, that the lines tracing over your palm will merge with his as one. Your touch was barely there but it had electrocuted him. He wondered to himself if his body would be able to handle more from you. But he'd gladly burn in your fires for the sake of holding you. And he'd wait, unwaveringly, as time stretches alongside the two of you. He'd wait as long as it takes for you. 

"Yn, I..." he stammers, taking a step closer to you. His scent engulfs you and you shamefully close your eyes, inhaling it. When you open them again, you find Minho glancing down at your lips. You gulp, dazzled by his proximity. 

"You have a mole on your nose," you suddenly speak up and his eyes snap back to yours, an adorable confusion drawn on his features. 

"I like that mole," you continue and you wish you could dig yourself a hole and bury yourself in it. 

"Thank you," he chuckles and you nod vigorously, "You're welcome." 

"Can I ask you something?" he says and your breath hitches in your throat. "Sure."

"You don't like it when people touch you, right?" 

"Yeah."

"Can I ask why?" 

You want to confide in him, to tell him that it’s because you long for it, you crave it so badly. That this need has woven itself into the very fabric of your being. An ache so raw that it scares you at times. You’ve never known what it feels like to be held- it was uncharted territory to you. 

"Isn't everyone scared of the unknown?" you settle on saying, and he nods in understanding. Of course, he understood. No one knows you as well as him. 

"It's okay. I just wanted to know if I ever overstepped my boundaries."

"You didn't," you reply instantly. 

"Good. You'll tell me if I ever do, right?"

"I will." 

"Okay." 

"Um. I'll get going," you point behind you and Minho smiles at you, waving you off.

You walk for a few steps before coming back again quickly. You then grab Minho’s hand, gently squeezing it like before, "You are an amazing dancer." 

And then you drop it, running back towards your apartment block without waiting for a reply. 

Minho stays frozen in his place. You think he's an amazing dancer. And you held his hand for five seconds. 

That's four seconds more than the first time. 

Progress.        

✹✹✹

You haven't gotten out of your house for the past three days. 

Everything crashed around you rapidly, it made you realize that the ground you once stood on was only an illusion, elusive and fleeting. 

You were doing well; you were getting better. But then Monday came and you went out for a walk in the park near you. As you sat there, you saw a little girl playing on the swings, delightful joy dancing across her features. But then she fell to the ground and you instinctively stood up to help her, only to notice her mother running to her. 

The world stilled around you as you clearly saw it- how the little girl clung to her mother's embrace, her embodiment of hope and love. You never had that. You don’t even know what perfume your mother used because she never allowed you to get that close to her. 

You stood up abruptly, quickly heading back to your apartment block. As you ran up the stairs, you ended up bumping into one of your neighbors. You were quick to apologize but they ignored you, and the feeling of being invisible came back to haunt you ten times fold. 

You knew you shouldn’t have done it, you knew you should have deleted your mother’s number when she sent you away to university without a backward glance, relieved at the thought of you getting a full-ride scholarship and not needing her anymore. But you didn’t, you kept her number in the hopes that she’d call. On your birthday, on holidays, on a random Thursday to tell you that she did remember who you are. 

With trembling hands, tears welling in your eyes, you dialed your mother’s number for the first time in a year. You didn’t know what you were expecting. Maybe she regrets it. Maybe she misses you. Maybe she didn’t find the courage to mend her wrongdoings and that's why she never called. 

"Hello?" her voice rang through your apartment. Goosebumps erupted on your arms and your hold on the phone tightened. Her voice took you back to memories you thought you had buried. How you spent countless nights yearning to hear the sound of her voice, how you regretted it once she spoke to attack you.

You hate her. You miss her. You want to hang up. You need to ask if she's doing okay. 

“Who is this?” Her voice was devoid of recognition, freezing you in your tracks. You felt as if a bucket of ice was thrown over your head, dousing the flame of hope that flickered in your heart. 

She deleted your number.

You quickly hung up, placing your phone down on the table. The tears refused to fall. It was as if your body had long anticipated this outcome, leaving only your wounded soul to bear the pain. 

Healing isn't linear, you've read about it in books and heard it in shows and movies. One step back doesn't mean that your entire progress is gone. You know this, you've memorized those sentences. So why do you not believe them? Why does it feel as if you can never be free from the past? Why does it feel as if you’ll always seek something out of her? 

Those questions roamed your mind for the past three days, making you too tired at the prospect of lifting your limbs, let alone leaving your apartment. You sent your two friends a text, telling them that you're sick so they wouldn't worry. Not that you believed they would. Nothing made sense to you anymore.

You laid on your bed in utter silence- a tense quiet that was disrupted on the third day by someone knocking on your door. You didn't know who was there; you just hoped that they'd leave you alone.

To your surprise, you open the door to find Minho, some notes in his right hand and a coffee in his left. He sends an easy smile your way. You don't smile back.

"What do you want?" your voice is cold, but Minho doesn't bristle. A cheeky smile settles on his lips as he leans on your doorway.

"You didn't come to class for the past three days, so I brought you the notes. So, you wouldn't think our competition is unfair."

"Competition," you chuckle coldly, heading inside your apartment, and he follows suit. You start to pace around furiously, and Minho looks at you worriedly. "Competition?" you repeat, the word dripping off your tongue like venom. You turn around, marching towards Minho and standing a few inches from him. "You know what? Fuck you and your competition!"

"Yn-"

"Did it ever occur to you that I never wanted a part in this competition? That all I wanted was to be left alone?" you say, growing louder as you jab your finger into his chest repeatedly. "I never wanted any of this! Do you understand? I never wanted to be this way," you shout angrily in his face.

The worried look in Minho’s eyes snaps you out of your haze. You realize that you are being utterly ridiculous lashing out at Minho, when the one person you are mad at is yourself. 

Your anger quickly deflates, leaving in its trail an agonizing sadness. It's so sudden that it knocks the breath out of you, and you clutch your chest as if it could soothe the burn in your heart. Suddenly you are twelve years old again, crying in your room because you feel like no one has ever loved you.

But this time you aren't alone. Minho is in front of you, and his eyebrows are so furrowed you want to lean forward to ease the tension between them. His eyebrows, you liked his eyebrows, they were arched, and they framed his eyes nicely, and his eyes are brown and so big, and they always look at you softly and why is it getting so hard to breathe-

"Did I do something to you? Whatever it is I’m sorry," Minho panics, cutting off your frantic train of thought. But now, the weight of guilt adds to your overwhelming emotions. You shouldn't have lashed out at him, he brought you coffee and you yelled at him. Maybe your mom was right after all.

You shake your head left and right furiously, your words coming out in hiccups. Since when did you start crying? "It isn't- it isn't you."

"Then let me help you-", he steps forward, hand outstretched, but you take three hurried steps back and wrap your hands around yourself protectively. "Don’t. Please, don't."

"Why are you pushing me away?" his tone isn't accusatory. You've learned time and time again that Minho wouldn't do anything that made you feel uncomfortable.

"You won't understand."

"Then make me."

"Because I’m afraid!" the words slip out of your mouth before you can stop them. "I’m afraid if you ever hug me, I wouldn't be able to go back to hugging myself. I'd need you and I can't afford to need someone else."

You regret the words as soon as they fleet away from your mouth. He would look at you differently, he would find you pathetic and then he’d leave. And you wanted him to leave. But you also wanted him to stay. It was all so confusing. 

You felt as if your being was torn between two great forces, each one of them trying to win the war raging inside you. You wished someone else would make the decisions in your place, for once.

Minho places the coffee and notes on the ground before approaching you, his palms facing up in a gesture of surrender. "I won't leave you," he says softly. "I’ll be by your side for as long as you'll have me."

"Minho..." your voice catches in your throat as you utter his name- like a broken prayer. He stands before you, his eyes shimmering like the reflection of a river on a sunny day.

"Please, let me make it better." 

You nod tentatively and Minho comes even closer to you. He was treating you like one would with a wounded animal, giving you a chance to ultimately back out. But for once, you listen to what your heart has been yearning for. Your bones are aching to be held, to feel the warmth of a body against your own, to feel safe and secure. 

Minho embraces you, wrapping his arms around your shoulders and bringing you to him. You slowly bring your arms up and lace them around his waist. You are afraid, deathly afraid. His grip is loose, and you almost can't feel him around you, but when you lay your head on his chest, he tightens his hold on you and you instinctively let out a sob. 

He's hugging adult you, the woman whose heart was once again broken by her mom. But he's also hugging little you, the girl who was craving affection from everyone around her. In that instant, Minho is hugging every single version of you that ever needed a hug. 

You were right to be scared because you don't want to let go, you want to stay in his arms because they feel safe, like a shield protecting you. You can't go back to not hugging Minho. 

The sensation is overwhelming and your knees buckle underneath you. But instead of holding you up, Minho falls to the ground with you, as if you are two inseparable pieces of one puzzle. He isn’t here to fix you, he’s here to break down with you and help you pick up the scattered pieces.

You think back to that night in the park when Minho told you about Japanese vases. At this moment, it dawns on you that Minho has found a way to become a part of you. He was the molten gold binding your broken parts together. He was the invisible thread stitching your wounds back together.

Who were you fooling? It was him; it was him all along. 

Minho rocks you gently as you cry and cry and cry. His hand finds your hair and he plays with it as you sob. He tells you you'll be okay, you'll feel better and you try to believe him, his words wrap around your bruises like a healing balm. 

"There, there, love. You are okay", he murmurs, tenderly patting your head. A fresh set of tears wells up in your eyes. Love.

"I’m sorry. I'm so sorry," you apologize as you pull away from his embrace. 

"Why are you apologizing? Is it because you wet my shirt? I don't mind," he reassures you with a smile and you shake your head. 

 "I was mean to you and you didn’t deserve it," you explain through hiccups.

"It's okay, you weren't mad at me, were you?" he asks, wiping your tears away so gently with his thumbs, careful not to irritate the sensitive skin.

"No. Still, it isn't okay and I’m sorry. I'm so sorry." 

"Shh, don't apologize. It's okay." you look at him doubtfully and he rolls his eyes playfully, "Here I’ll even do your silly pinky promise, okay?" he laces his pinky with yours, but then he suddenly leans forward and places a chaste kiss on your thumb pad. "There, sealed forever."

You giggle faintly as a blush dusts your cheeks, "That's not how it works."

"I know."

Your giggle was far different from the ones Minho was accustomed to. It was small, and it didn't brighten up your face like usual. But he was grateful for it nonetheless. He realized how much he missed your laugh, and how all the other sounds in the world pale in comparison to it.

In that moment Minho thinks to himself that he'd do anything to make you smile again. He'd make a fool out of himself if it meant making you happy. He'd settle for a simple tug at the corners of your mouth, anything but the sadness that seemed etched in your face, as if it was blended into the colors that drew you.

You tentatively move around, before laying your head on his lap. Minho's hand instinctively finds your hair and he starts to gently play with it. It feels as if you've done this a million times before, when in fact it was the first. 

There was something wildly intimate about laying on the floor with the man who just comforted you. It made you want to spill all your secrets to him, one by one, and have him hug you through them.

"Did you mean it? When you said you'll stay?" you felt so vulnerable in his hold, as if he could twist you whoever he liked. But you trusted him. You trusted yourself with Minho.

"I did. Your walls are always up. It's hard to peek behind them. But I don't want to tear them down. I want you to slowly unbuild them. I want you to do it for yourself."

To do it for yourself, it's hard to even know who you are anymore. 

"I want to tell you."

"You don't need to."

"I know, but I want to."

"Okay. Take your time, kitten." he pats your head gently, and you try to sync your breathing to the rhythm of his touch. You were grateful that you were lying on his lap since you couldn't see his face. It made talking feel a little less daunting.

"On my 9th birthday... I was very excited. I'd been on my best behavior that month, trying to please my mom in the hope that, for once, we'd celebrate my birthday. Like a normal little family," you smile sadly, you were so hopeful back then.

"My birthday came, I woke up, excited. My mom was still asleep, nothing out of the ordinary. So, I made my breakfast and walked to my school. I wore my prettiest dress and put on pigtails with hair clips. It was my birthday after all," Minho smiles softly at your words, his hand now resting on your own.

"I got back home and waited for my mom to come back. She remembered my birthday, I thought. And then, she came but she didn't talk to me. So, I thought, oh a surprise party!" you chuckle, but this time the smile on Minho’s face is gone.

"It was then 11 pm, and the hope had slowly died in me. So, in my stupid innocent self, I went to my mom, and asked her "Did you forget my birthday?". And I remember... I remember the way she laughed. Cruelly. Like I had told her the funniest joke in the world. And then. Then she looked me dead in the eye and said 'I hate the fact that you are born. Why would I celebrate that?'"

Minho sucks in a deep breath at your words, and you exhale one right out. It felt comforting, to have someone else stomach the hurt for you. To take the weight off your shoulders, allowing you a few moments to breathe.

"I confronted her about it one day, but she said she doesn't remember saying that. It's funny how it was a random Thursday for her, but for me, it shaped my life." you smile bitterly, "I remember how jealous I was of the way the other kids talked about their mothers. They said the word so lightly. It must have reminded them of sunshine and ice cream and rainbows. But for me, it held an uncharacteristic heaviness to it. I grew to hate the word."

"I drove myself crazy, Min", you whisper and he brings you closer to his body, "was it me or was it her? When did it start? Was it because I was too loud as a child or maybe too quiet? Did I not cater to her fantasies of a kid? I wanted to remember every single thing that happened throughout my childhood, thread through every single memory. I tried to pinpoint the exact moment my mom stopped loving me."

Minho squeezes your hand tightly in his, and you feel as if he was pulling you away from the memory that had long trapped you. You were now watching it unfold from outside of the window, your hand in his, safe from the hurt it had inflicted on you.

"It's not you. It could never be you. Some people are simply not fit to be parents. It's never their kid's fault."

Minho tries his best to keep his touch soothing, to make his voice sound as soft as possible. But he was angry, he was so angry at the world for not taking care of you when you were younger. His heart broke, thinking of 9-year-old you being told such cruel words.

He wanted to turn back time and tell you that you were enough. He wanted to make the pain that seemed so anchored in you float back to the surface, and dissipate like sea foam meeting the shore.

But he couldn't do that. All he could do is comfort present you.

Minho gently pulls you up from his lap, making you sit upright. He crisscrosses his legs and you do the same. Your knees brush against each other and you feel a shiver run down your spine. You didn't know that even knees could emanate such warmth.

"Yn, look at me. The world wouldn't be the same without you in it," he cradles your face between his hands, "You hear me yn? I’m so thankful you exist."

His doe brown eyes are sincere, and it made you want to believe him badly. That's a good start, right?

"I’ll be back," he tells you, letting go of your face and standing up.

You hear Minho rummaging through the kitchen and you take the time to calm yourself down. Sharing those parts of you with Minho felt therapeutic. As if you were healing parts of your inner child. You have never talked about this with anyone before, maybe this is why it still hurt as badly.

Minho comes back five minutes later, his hands behind his back. You raise a brow at him inquisitively and he just smiles secretly at you. "Close your eyes," he tells you and you giggle, doing as he says. He crouches in front of you, and you hear him shuffle in his place for a bit.

Then, "Open your eyes yn," and you find him, in front of you, a cupcake you had stored in your fridge in his hands, and a makeshift candle lit up. "Happy 9th birthday, love. You did well."

You stare at him in utter bewilderment. You couldn't believe your eyes. How could this man be so thoughtful? He was wishing you a belated birthday, to compensate for the 9th birthday you didn't celebrate.

You panic, at the look in his eyes. You've never seen it, never dared to dream of it, of someone caring for you unconditionally. So, you try to scare him, to push him away. You didn't want him to regret knowing you.

"There are things I need you to know um", you chuckle nervously, "When I... When I throw up, I hold my hair, and when I’m sick I nurse myself back to health, and when I have a nightmare I- I hold my hand in the dark. It will be hard for me to hold yours instead."

"We'll start a finger at a time, yeah?"

"It will take time."

"I have time," he speaks easily, as if loving you was effortless and not a strenuous task. You couldn't fathom it.

"You are too busy-", he cuts you off instantly, "Not for you." 

"The world doesn't stop because we need it to." Your voice is quiet; this is your very last try. You are tired of fighting. You are putting down your armor and waving a white flag.

"We'll make it stop. Here, the two of us. On this floor. We'll take as long as we need to."

"I never deemed you as an optimist", you smile a little, a hint of teasing in your tone.

"I’m not," he pauses, gazing down at the cupcake between his hands and then at you. "But I feel that we deserve a bit of happiness together, don't we?"

"We do."

"Then make a wish."

You close your eyes for a few seconds, before blowing on the candle.

"What did you wish for?" he asks a fond smile on his face.

The answer came naturally to you, you didn't even need to think about it. "I wished for you."

Minho's lips come crashing down on yours, and you imagine that this is what it feels like to see colors for the first time. To discover a new world beyond the one you've always known.

The kiss isn't urgent nor feverish, it is one of comfort. Your lips spilling the words you have not yet said to each other. "I love you," he kisses you, "I love you too," you kiss him back. "I need you to stay," you swipe your tongue across his bottom lip, "I’m never leaving you," he opens his mouth allowing you entrance.

As you kiss him, you remember a fact you once learned in high school. The human body possesses seven trillion nerves. And for the first time in your life, you feel as if each of these nerves is alive. You feel that even the smallest atom is electrocuted with Minho’s love and it’s all you know within you.  

You feel as if the pain, the hurt, and the ache you've been through are slowly unraveled, and in their place, a timid happiness is starting to bloom. You imagine that when Minho’s lips met your own, the seven trillion nerves inside you exhaled in relief 'We've made it', they said, 'we'll finally be okay.'

Epilogue

You've always thought that epilogues were useless. How can you resume the rest of your life in one sentence, boil down the rest of your existence in mere pages? Because life doesn't stop at the epilogue, and a new book can start once again, right where you left it off.  

But with Minho, you didn't mind an epilogue. On the contrary, you longed for a soft one. You wanted to rest on this last page, you wanted to lay your worries on the words and tuck them into the syllables. And you wanted to wake up anew.

And this wasn't the end of your story with Minho. A lot happened after it. But it didn't worry you, because epilogues are about the one thing that doesn't change throughout the long march of time. And luckily for you, that constant was Minho’s love for you. From that day he held you, he has never let go.

It took time, for his warmth to seep through your bones. It took time, for your heart to forget the cold. But you wanted to do it. With him. You wanted to love and be loved.

The sound of cats mewling fills your apartment, pudding can always be found in your fridge and you haven't felt invisible in years.

[lover-of-trash-and-people]

shadow and bone rewatch s1e6 while drinking mid-range scotch

I wish I have a face that is as unlined and pretty as Ben Barnes' when I'm 39

Arken you dirty dirty liar

the face Alek is making at his lies that he knows are lies firstly because he knows the art of lying so well and also because he can read people very well

okay Ivan is kind of a bad bitch with his smirk at Arken's lies

alek's eyes narrowing and his little smile when Arken says 'im an entertainer' bitch I love this show

*grabs hand, pulls up sleeve, and discovers Arken's hand is full of marks indicating successful passages through the fold* 'well, that is certainly entertaining' I love this man with all my heart

him screaming is so fucking hot, is that weird for me to say

Nina being the Darkling's spy is quite interesting

Ben giving the Darkling crazy eyes when Arken owns up to his guilt is so cool

also wtf is Arken a fool trying to negotiate with possibly the strongest man in the world

kind of loved the darkness literally eating him

also love Alina learning to use her powers better when she is alone than when she is with anyone else, wish we got to see the cut in this season as per the books, ah can't have everything I guess

the camera pan to Jesper's gun at his side, amazing

god Jessie is literally so beautiful I need to see her bring Alina to the peak of her power so bad

netflix you better renew this series to let the plot run to its completion

HOW THE FUCK DID THEY CAST THE CROWS SO PERFECTLY

INEJ FUCKING TREMBLING JUST THE TINIEST BIT AS SHE BOWS SLIGHTLY TO ALINA SGSHSBSJJSJSSJ MY TWO QUEENS

'And where is my Summoner?' my little Darklina heart ouchie I really wish you hadn't used and manipulated her like this Alek it was incredibly fucked up especially considering you actually caught feelings

'Ivan and I won't fail you' oh Fedyor my baby, my angel, you don't deserve what is coming

Helnik literally recreating Titanic lmao stop this is a joke

I too would jump off the raft if I came to consciousness to see a gorgeous woman with magical powers with her hand on my back

omg but why is ryevost so pretty though

'I know exactly how she felt. The King's soldiers treated me the same way... I'm not myself today.' why must you do this to me, why must you fuel my darklina soulmates agenda idiocy

I don't quite think I have a problem with the Zoya Darkling relationship as much as I have a problem with the line they chose to reveal it to use with.

my drink's over and I don't know if I should have another, considering that it's 7 am

the tenderness with which he looks at Zoya and takes her hand and then when he says 'I shall relax when I have Alina' makes me believe more that the man that is reduced to tears time and again in front of Alina could in fact be the master manipulator I know him to be

god I can't wait for Zoya's character arc

'I speak six languages, it's part of my job' why is Nina literally the fucking coolest

Alina blinding the oprichniki was so hot, I can't wait to see more of her power and her ruthlessness

I know I've said it before but good god is Jessie Mei Li gorgeous

HER LITTLE SMILE AMONGST ALL THE PANIC AS SOON AS SHE SEES MAL, THE AUDACITY OF THIS SHOW TO MAKE ME FEEL THIS WAY

THE SCORE COMING IN AT THE RIGHT MOMENT, THEIR HANDS MEETING, HER SMILE AGAIN DHDHSBSNSNSNSNAN IM IN PAIN

REALLY?! YOU'RE GONNA GO DIRECTLY FROM MALINA TO HELNIK WITH NO CONCERN FOR MY HEART?

I simply cannot get over Calahan's accent lmao it's really funny

'im not afraid of you' he says to the insanely gorgeous girl with magic

HIM HANGING HIS HEAD IN DEFEAT TO INDICATE NINA HAS MADE VALID POINTS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND I CAN'T BREATHE

'You're just a man. Like all the others.' she says and then forgets her train of thought looking at him as he strips. god I love this

not sleeping all night and then scotch is not a good idea, I think

'I promise not to ravish you' 'I hate the way you talk' her hand on his chest, his hand gripping hers, my fucking heart feels like it's about to explode

good god these shooting locations and sets are so beautiful

Alina throwing the flask at Mal and Mal going 'OI!' I fucking can't, I guess I am a

simp for childhood friends to lovers, give me more of that banter and childhood friend energy, I am thriving

wow it literally seems like they took book! Mal sl*tshaming book! Alina and made show! Alina sl*tshame show! Mal, hmm, interesting

'They would have split us up!' MAL'S LITTLE SMILE AT THIS, and the 'You wrote me letters?' Mal's nod, the Malina yearning stare, the Malina hug, 'thank you for finding me' 'always. I'll always find you.' NO MALINA YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU HAVE MADE ME ABSOLUTELY FUCKING FERAL

I understand they had to split time between my ravkan babies and the crows and that is why there were several aspects that were sort of not reflected on enough but Alina's training at the Little Palace, Alina's cut, Mal's personality, a teensy bit of backstory for the crows, maybe one lockpicking scene from my boy Kaz

random note: we have far too many idols and paintings and pictures and whatnot of Hindu deities in our house apart from the specially designed temple (we are Hindus, so maybe it's not that weird but it's a little weird)

Kaz's cane is a literal star, it's so beautiful my heart wants to explode

'Why would Heleen get the Crow Club?' *literally fucking gets up and walks aways instead of answering the fucking question* I LITERALLY CAN'T BREATHE I'M LOSING MY MIND

'I know that voice' WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO MAKE ME FIGHT FOR PLATONIC SHIPS IN FANDOMS

'We won't starve' omg get you someone who packs food for you when you go on the run together hiding from your ex who wants to capture you and use your powers as a weapon against your consent

Mal looking surprised at her summoning sunlight, Alina looking cautiously at him waiting for him to disapprove or run for the hills in fear or smth like that, 'I'm sorry it took me this long to see you... But I see you now' my dumb little shipper trash heart ouch

they really said we're gonna feed you this part asian couple as the protagonists in this show in 2021 and guess what I'm eating it's really tasty I'm very satisfied as a south asian

NINA'S LITTLE SMILE WHEN MATTHIAS WAKES UP WITH HIS ARM AROUND HER

'I can feel how much you hate sleeping next to me' 👀👀👀 BITCH SAID IMMA SPILL THE TEA AND THEN SHE DID

it's 8 am and guess what I'm getting another drink my parents have c*vid and are in govt qu*r*ntine centres there is nobody to supervise or stop me

I too say 'Why do you have to say things like that?' to my pretty crush when she flirts with me

Nina smiling at Matthias bragging about his conservative ways is my aesthetic

'No, it's not natural for someone to be as stupid as he is tall and yet, oh, there you stand.' MY FUCKING QUEEN

Matthias laughing uncontrollably at Nina saying something which isn't even that funny is a whole ass vibe

Kaz Brekker saying 'The Black General' ooh fuck yeah

YESSSS STEP OUT OF THAT CARRIAGE ALL SEXY BLACK GENERAL

isn't alcohol supposed to like kill germs? well, the amount in my system definitely will

I love my crows so much (always but this time particularly for setting that alarm in the stolen carriage)

ooh Polina recognising Inej by the knife yesss let's go writers

this Ivan Jesper showdown is all I needed from life and yet did not know about

Ivan taking off his cloak was, um, sexier than I wanted it to be

I just realised how thirsty I am going to sound in this post

'Has no one told you that keftas are Fabrikator-made and resistant to bullets, hmm?' 'Oh, I do love a challenge' LITERALLY EVERYTHING

im sorry to be pointing out flaws in a perfect show and adaptation but the line delivery on 'You robbed me of my brother, now I'll rob you of your life' from Polina was kind of weak

'You're a-' *gets knocked out with the back of a gun* LMAO we love the hints

got excited at the prospect of kaz v. zoya until I realised they will not be letting the opportunity of kaz v. darkling pass up

my goodness is Amita Suman a splendid actress

I AM NOT KIDDING WHEN I TELL YOU I SQUEALED WHEN I SAW DARKLES EMERGE OUT OF THE SHADOWS IN FRONT OF MY BABY BOY KAZ

THERE BEING ACTUAL FEAR OR ATLEAST DOUBT ON KAZ'S FACE, THE LITTLE BACK STEPS AS

THE DARKLING WALKS TOWARDS HIM, AAAAH I CAN'T

THE DARKLING STOPPING AT KAZ SAYING 'SHE FLED ON HER OWN' AND THE HINT OF TEARS THAT WE SEE IN HIS EYES

'IT WAS PRETTY CLEAR SHE WASN'T INTERESTED IN BEING A CAPTIVE ANYMORE' YOU TELL HIM, KING

*ACTUAL FUCKING TEARS IN THE DARKLING'S EYES AS THE SHADOWS APPROACH*

NOT ME YOWLING LIKE A HYENA THAT THIS CHILD OUTSMARTED THE MOST POWERFUL MAN IN EXISTENCE WITH A FAKE MAGIC TRICK

'Are you sure you added enough cloves?' literally warranting a wide ass smile from my queen Alina making my entire fucking day

for some reason, no matter how much I push it from my mind, Ben Barnes dressed up as the Darkling, dancing to 'push it' keeps coming to mind, it's absolutely ridiculous

I got somehow distracted with interviews but good things came out of that as it gave my body the time for the booze to kick in

and I would just like to say that I love Leigh for all she has given me

Alina is so fucking compassionate, I have no much love for her. I can feel her guilt and her sorrow as Mal talks of Mikhail and Dubrov

don't particularly like how the stag plotline is woven in, could have been executed better

'You're afraid you might start to like me?' *flaps furs like a bird's wings in frustration*

'I DO like you' my fucking heart you idiots

the sexual tension is so palpable and the moment is so intimate I simply cannot

OMG SHE FUCKING FELL

that moment where you think he might let her fall despite having read the books and he doesn't and he tells her his name I- <3

YOU DARE TRANSITION FROM A HELNIK SCENE TO A KANEJ SCENE YOU REALLY HAVE NO MERCY FOR MY HEART HUH

people have talked about this endlessly but Freddie's little jaw tic after he says Inej because Inej is wounded and he can't physically bring himself to help her I fucking cannot

THE MUSIC PICKING UP AS KAZ LOOKS TO THE DARKLING'S CARRIAGE I CAN'T WITH THIS SHOW ANYMORE

and now for one of my favorite scenes in television and cinematic history, David Kostyk throwing a book at Jesper Fahey without even knowing who he is merely because he opens the door of his carriage and says hello to him before getting knocked out by Kaz Brekker while trying to run away

Immediately followed by another, the scene with David Kostyk raising his finger to put forward his point in front of the Darkling and the Darkling trying to let him know he doesn't have to before obliging is one of my favourite scenes in the world

also sir please stop being devastatingly attractive in your glorious appearance with your face and your black kefta and cloak because all that comes to mind is Ayesha Erotica's Emo Boy and I'm afraid that is terribly inappropriate.

'No, you look great.' *literally looks down from embarrassment or blushing* MALINA RIGHTS?

THE LOOK ON THE DARKLING'S FACE BEFORE HE SAYS 'NO ORDINARY TRACKER, NO ORDINARY GIRL' BITCH IM OUT OF BREATH

'ORPHANS OF KERAMZIN, REUNITED.' 'ADORABLE.' HE FUCKING SNEERED IRL I FUCKING CANNOT

GOD IT'S SO GOOD

[stonerbughead]

Maria watches friday night lights (#33)

I’m back, I’m back! So here’s what happened...I watched 5x10 on October 1, never edited my note about it, then ended up taking an inadvertent break from watching until now. Idk why, but i needed a break from like...watching tv i hadn’t seen before. Anyone else have that habit of watching things you’ve already seen when you’re going through an anxious period? Starting a new job in the same month as the 2020 presidential election fit the bill, and i wanted to really immerse myself in the final three episodes of this amazing show properly so i decided to wait until i was feeling it! Anyway to the like three people who enjoy my recaps, i hope you enjoy these last four recaps.

So without further ado, aforementioned Oct 1 recap, now edited and underneath the cut:

5x10 yoooo I have never been so amused by Buddy Garrity in my life + TIM so here we go:

TIM RIGGINS RETURNS?! Yay!!! (This is my reaction just from seeing him in the “previously on.”)

Eric’s getting recruited at a ~fancy~ restaurant! Oh shitttt

“That, right there, marks the end of the East Dillon Lions football program led by Coach Eric Taylor.” “...It’s a crate of oranges.” “Yeah, and it’s from the sunshine state. From Florida! And that can only mean one thing—year round sunshine and college funding.” Lmao alarmist Buddy is hilarious and actually not wrong here. Lol incredulous Levi: “you got all that from a crate of oranges?!”

#OperationGetTimOut!! Is Eric going to speak for him as a character witness?

I *knew* that phone call from Oklahoma Tech wasn’t gonna be good. Ohhhhh Vince you should’ve listened to Eric~~~

Oh shit everyone’s buzzing about “losing their kingmaker” and it’s playoff time! Love a good car radio scene. “So how was it honey, are we moving to Florida?” Lol

“Dad, maybe we should just talk to Coach. I need to be focused on this game on Friday night, getting my spot back.” Yes Vince stand up for yourself, take a break from those meetings! I am fearful of his dad’s true reaction tho.

“Expelling Epyck, that was a good start.” Omfg some of these teachers are too cruel! That is a severely traumatized child, ma’am!

“Impromptu speeches...” “Impromptu means not planned, Buddy.” “Okay, then promptu.” I’M LIVING for these Buddy and Levi interactions omg hilarious.

“A man can’t leave if you erect a statue in his honor.” “A plaque?” “You got money for that?!” I cannot omfgggg Levi and Buddy should take this show on the road!

Tami’s “Oh Levi you are too much.” That’s a nice way to say “fuck you” for making her take a personal day to go speak on a panel he TOLD her she’s speaking at? Smh this is why staff needs unions.

Lmao Buddy is being so extra with Eric, I can’t

...and enter Billy, here to ask Eric a favor...

“Tim Riggins? One of the best fullbacks in the great state of Texas? The boy my girl fell in love with? Yeah I’ll do that.” Damn Buddy has a crush on Tim Riggins too!! I get it dude same.

“I believe in loyalty, Billy. Sticking with your people, through good and bad.” SO EXTRA LMAO

“Hey coach you going to Florida?” “I was planning on going home and I suggest you do too, Tinker.” Ugh poor Eric having to deal with all of these rumors and the team being endlessly curious right before the playoffs!

Awww Tami’s excited about the Florida houses. “Three years with a two year option.” Damn. Aw the way that Eric looks at Tami and you know he wants to give her everything she wants 🥺

Omggg now Buddy is making the players talk up Eric Taylor 😂 his scheming truly kills me

Becky and Luke tossing a football, so precious!

Ah, there’s more to life than college football, Luke! “No one wants me.” “I want you.” Aww Becky.

Aw Billy is getting so frustrated trying to write his speech for Tim. “It sounds ridiculous.” “No it doesn’t. You’re a good brother.” Oh Mindy 🥺 fuck prisonssss he should not feel like his words have so much bearing on his brother’s literal freedom!

Yes to Vince going to Eric and agreeing to earn his way back! That’s the Vince we know and love!

I love Eric telling Tami about Tim’s parole hearing. “You going to do it?” “You bet i’m going to do it.” My heart! The way there’s no question about it 🥺

Andddd Vince’s dad predictably refuses to let up with the recruiters. But this time Vince is standing up to him!

Yesss Vince, walk away! Especially after his dad yelled at him like that; this is not your life, it’s Vince’s!

“Don’t whack her. Just a little love tap.” LMAO Luke, Tinker, Becky, and a pig. Luke is giving Tinker pageant advice for Tinker at a competition with the pig?? I can’t, that’s weirdly so cute. Becky clearly finds it cute.

Omg Tim in his all-white prison uniform I HATE THISSS

OMGGGG “I don’t want Billy to speak, he’s done enough damage.” Fuck this is gonna fuck Billy UP. But also fair...I mean, Billy DOES tend to be a fuck up?? Isn’t that how we got here?

Yessss Tami going off explaining that standardized testing isn’t the end all be all!!

“what would you have us do, meet with every kind in the state?” “Yes I would.” to a round of applause. GO OFF QUEEN TAMI TAYLOR

Yes Coach Taylor! Give us one of your epic speeches!

Poor Tim looks like he has a lot of self hatred sitting here listening to Eric talking about him 🥺

“I asked him to be an assistant coach because of his character off the field.” YES

lol Buddy Garrity getting up to speak even tho he’s not on the list 🤣

“He’s like family to me.” OH BUDDYYYY he’s coming through with a full time job for Tim when he comes out?????? Tim’s smile of relief.

“It’s time for you to let Tim Riggins come home.” YESSSSS

AW Tim sent Eric letters from prison?? My poor babe. “I’m sorry I didn’t visit more.” “I’m sorry I let you down.” “You didn’t and that’s not why I’m here.” IM EMOTIONAL

Holy shit Vince’s dad is STILL not letting up? “I’m your father. I know what’s right.” “that is enough! Get off his back!” “He needs a father, not an agent!” YES REGINA GO OFFFFF she finally snapped!

(It’s wild how Coach possibly leaving is being used in this fight in Vince’s family. Oh, Dillon!)

Oh shit Billy is yelling at both Becky and Mindy, clearly very affected by what Tim said at his parole hearing. “You did everything you could and that makes all the difference.” Aww Mindy, and Billy apologized! Too much stress for such a young family! Also unrelated but Mindy looks mad hot for the athletic banquet.

Awww I love getting to see the other teams stand up. Yeah cross country, yes girls volleyball!!!

Man, playing a sport in Texas that’s not football must suck, look at that insane applause for football vs. weak for everyone else

Buddy giving Gracie a lil t-shirt and saying, “clear eyes, full hearts...you know it?” And they’re all like “can’t...lose” and Gracie giggles! Ok that’s cute af

Omg the tension between Jess and Vince!! “Jess, I miss you. I miss you.” 🥺 aw yeah she blew him off for her brothers

Wow they made it to the playoffs for the first time in 25 years?? Well here comes Buddy’s All Hail Eric Taylor pageant. Lmao

Awww these heartfelt addresses from the team members on how much Eric Taylor has changed their lives??? Manipulative, Buddy, really. He knows what he’s doing.

Yesss Eric, give Tami that massage. See y’all, this is what being a good man looks like.

“It had the desired effect. It sure made you think twice about leaving Dillon.” “It’s a hell of an offer. I’d own that building. They have funding.” “Mmm and oranges. Don’t forget about oranges.” “Mmm that pool.” They wanna leave.

“You know what I want more than anything right now? I wanna bring these boys to state.” “I know you do.” “They deserve it.” “I know they do. But after you do that, this offer is something to think about. Because you deserve that.” Ugh I know I say it a lot but since we’re in the final four episodes now and I’m mostly talking into the void anyway — god, what a model of a wonderful and gentle and loving and communicative marriage! I am continually floored!

Becky with cowboy boots at Luke’s farm works. And ooh Luke’s mom said hi to her?? Progress!!

Aw they’re talking about how pretty they find Luke’s farm as he tries to imagine a future here in Dillon. “I have an amazing imagination. I see your next game, and you’re winning.” Awww Becky is such a cute girlfriend.

What a cute shot of Luke and Becky on the farm, “you ever think you could imagine living on a farm?” “Sure.” AWWW

Vince at Eric’s door on game day?!!! He’s asking Eric not to take the offer to Shane State when he’s supposed to already be at the field house!?!

“Having you as a coach is one of the best things to happen to me. I don’t know where I’d be without you. Either in jail or in a ditch somewhere.” Damn forget Buddy this shit is from the HEART

Eric tells him to get in the damn car and tells him he’s starting!! “You know what your problem is? You ask too many damn questions.”

AHHHHH TIM IS HOME! Showered in a flannel! My heart! He salutes Becky with a beer!

Aww Billy is so excited to have his brother home.

It seems uneasy in the home. Coming back from prison is hard.

And here they go, heading onto the bus with signs and cheers!

“I’ll tell you, this is an away game, but you look around here at the community tonight and the young players that I have playing for me, and the character they got—no matter where this community goes, that’s home.”

Damn Eric just announced he was planning to stay home in Dillon to the press. “you’re full of surprises, aren’t you?” says Tami. “I love you.” and with the FNL theme song playing aghkliyb I’m not ready for the final three episodes ahhh!!!

[rainstormfes]

Anime Expo Lite Day 1 Experience!

Program: Warner Bros. Japan Presents "Stay connected with Anime"

This whole program made me so frickin happy, SEIYUU AND JAPANESE GUESTS EVERYWHEREEEE WHILE TALKING ABT ANIME YESS (note: i typed most of this while the event was going on so pls bear with all my keyboard smashes and small comments lolol i just rly wanted to make a review for this event since i knew tons of seiyuu and anime that i love would be there and talked about. Also also i am not allowed to share any screenshots or recordings of it so just fyi 👍🏻)

It started out with talking about DanMachi 3 with guests Matsuoka Yoshitsugu (voiced Bell Cranel) , Minase Inori (voiced Hestia) , Osawa Nobuhiro (from EGG FIRM), and Matsukura Yuji (producer from J.C. Staff)

They answered many questions like how the author was inspired by the voice acting from the two guests specifically, talking about specific scenes

MINASE-SAN PERFORMED A SMALL LINE WHICH WAS SO FRICKIN CUTE

one of the producers was asked about production for DanMachi and he was like ‘brUH the volumes got thicker and thicker as they kept getting released like DANG’

They prepared a teaser image for the third season and for the big reveal Matsuoka had to tear a curtain off of a huge posterboard but the curtain got caught and made it almost fall xDD (very cute and awkward moment, Matsuoka never change pls omg youre too precious)

Matsuoka was asked if there was any difficulties when recording s3 and he just talked about how Bell went through lots of growth and that he had to think about how to properly act out just how mature Bell got, considering he’s now a leader of his group

Minase-san answered the same question. She talked about how she made sure to try and keep in mind how close all of the characters are and Hestia’s mental and social growth

Iguchi Yuka (voiced Chigusa) sent in a vid message since she sings the opening!! And it was announced that sajou no hana would be performing the ending song! Both vid messages were very nice and cute and both artists just talked about how they were looking forward to everyone’s reactions to their songs and to look forward to the anime

Airing of DanMachi 3 will begin in October woop woop!🎉🎉

OML WHEN MATSUOKA-SAN DID HIS ENDING REMARKS he pointed to the posterboard and was like ‘thIS NEW CHARACTER IS CUTE’ and said ‘whO TF IS THIS’ (pointing to new characters on the posterboard lol)

The next anime that they talked about was Shokugeki no Soma: The Fifth Plate with guests: Matsuoka Yoshitsugu (voiced Yukihira Soma) (MY GOSH HES SO AWK AND CUTE OMLLLLL he was like ‘can i speak now’ cause there was that kind of awkwardness in the first segment too 😅) and Yonetani Yoshitomo (animation director)

Yonetani-san was asked how he felt abt the anime. He talked about how he wanted to express how amazing the cooking/food was as well as wanted to excite (oh b o y 😳) the audience

Matsuoka-san was asked the same thing. He talked about how he’s been following Soma since day one and thinks a lot abt his growth in Totsuki. He talked about how he kinda thinks about his own high school days (comment from director lol that he might just cry during his final recording session which i feel, its been 5 years since the first season was aired)

THEY RECORDED AN IRL SHOKUGEKI?!??!?! OMGGGG. FUKUYAMA JUN (voiced Saiba Asahi) AND TAKAHASHI MINAMI (voiced Tadokoro Megumi) WERE THERE (yall can i just- JUN LOOKS SO MF GOOD OML). 

bruh matsuoka’s mixture for a sauce for tonkatsu was frickin WACK he put strawberry jam, cream, waSABI???, KETCHUP?!?!?!, along with SOY SAUCE, there was more but that combo i put alone looks so frickin wack. 

Jun’s sauce oMG HE STARTED W NUTELLA AND PEANUT BUTTER WTF OMG THIS MISCHIEVOUS MAN I CANTTT 😂😂. He put in LOTS of mayo uhm... he crushed sesame seeds and dried fish together OMLLL HE WAS LIKE SHE NEEDS HER CALCIUM W THE FISH HES SO CHAOTIC and since he ran out of time he couldnt crush the fish properly so there were just HUGE CHUNKS OF FISH IN THE BOWL. omg when he was mixing it..... ew. the takamina was like E W. the way he was selling it was pure g o l d OMG HE PUT IN MF SQUID JUST NOW I CANTTTT HE IS IRL SOMA XDDD poor takamina she was fake crying, girl saME (she’s the judge)

Takamina surprisingly enjoyed matsuoka’s sauce (she was like the ingredients somehow WORKED xD) “it feels like i had a nice meal” (GIRL HOW??? XD)

as for Jun’s sauce review: FDSAFD TAKAMINA SAID THAT THE SQUID WAS STARING AT HER I CANTTT. she described it as a theme park which is perfect. tons of flavors were trying to be the main thing. The squid leg works with tonkatsu so it was ok in the end

matsuoka’s sauce won bc the squid in jun’s was kinda unnecessary but in the end she liked both (kinda surprising lol)

ADSJFKSFJ YONETANI-SAN DID THE ‘bursting’ thing ONCE THE SHOKUGEKI VID WAS DONE, SHOWING A SHIRT W MEGUMI AND TENTACLES OMG

Matsuoka’s comments on the shokugeki: he enjoyed doing it w jun since he was very good at talking (especially when he was making the sauce). Both their sauces were “okay” lol

Yonetani-san’s comments: he talked about how he struggled to cook when he was a child but even through the small irl shokugeki they did he learned smth lolol

Matsuoka was asked which lines were more memorable for him (other than soma’s lol): he talked about how the explanations for the dishes (the monologues when theyre being made and when theyre being presented) were difficult and whenever he recorded those kinds of lines, it was kind of difficult to record since it would be hard to express a good portrayal of soma’s energy if he didn’t even know what he was talking about (so on the side he had to keep using wiki to understand what soma was even talking abt lol)

Question abt the production of the anime: Yonetani-san talked abt how there were lots of complicated words; there were lots of cuts in certain scenes made to try and portray the energy that they wanted in the anime

“If you could try any of your character’s dishes which one would you choose?” Matsuoka: he wanted to try the chicken wing dumplings and a recipe book was released before so he tried it... and it turned out BAD XDD

Someone asked abt where the producers get ideas about the ending theme sequences: Yonetani-san’s used the songs as inspiration for the backgrounds used for the ending themes, also trying to relate to the cooking and the theme of high schoolers just going through life etc

OH SCHIZ THERE WAS A SPECIAL MANGA RELEASED. A small part of it was voiced by matsuoka, jun, and takamina it was vvv cute (the full would be released on Shounen Jump at a later date)

Ending remarks: FASDFDSA THIS ACTUALLY WILL BE THE LAST SEASON OF SHOKUGEKI OMG 😭😭. OMG MATSUOKA IS SO FRICKIN CUTE AND AWKWARDDDDD he was doing a small clap at the end hes so adorable someone protect him pls :(((

The next and last anime talked about was JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Golden Wind, where there was a behind the scenes vid made:

Ono Kensho (voiced Giorno Giorvanna) was there ofc along w two producers from David Pro (Kasama) and Warner Bros Japan (Omori Hiroyuki)

OMG FIRST THEY TALKED ABT THE STAND CRIES YESSS. DSFDSAF THEY ACTUALLY COUNTED HOW MANY MUDA’S ONOKEN HAD TO SAY that is so amazing i love the dedication. onoken mentioned how he talked to koyasu (voiced Dio Brando) abt counting the muda’s but he was like ‘ehhhh i never did that lol’. overall, everyone from all seasons tried to match the scenes but koyasu was basically the odd one out not rly needing??? to follow it lol

FDSAFDSA BRUH THERES 17 RERO RERO’S hirakawa-san practiced in the BATH the dedication is INSANE i love this

lolol onoken scrunches up his face when he says his mudas lol vvv cute (so thats a good tip for anyone wanting to say it properly)

one of the reasons they chose onoken in the first place to voice giorno was the fact that his muda’s were strong, thats frickin awesome (and he asked for a redo so that just shows great dedication, smth that staffs would want in their seiyuu)

next they talked abt the anime-only scene of giorno giving gelato to a kid. they wanted to show how kind giorno was despite eventually becoming a gang-star. its personal to kasama-san since he had actually went to italy and had experienced intense heat there and went to a gelato stand so he wanted to preserve that memory in film

they moved on to talk abt how the hitman team was first introduced in ep 10. they decided to enhance the anime by showing the many teams of passione in their own meeting places, trying to emphasize how close everyone was in their respective teams

THEY MENTIONED HOW THEY PURPOSELY PUT CHARACTERS THAT ARE LATER INTRODUCED IN THE ANIME WITHIN FRAMES JUST TO TEASE omg i love

next they talked about how the second theme for golden wind was kinda hard to make (the animation and song IS amazing which i personally appreciate). considering that they needed to kind of match up with “Fighting Gold” (the first op), it was hard to produce something for it. And they had already decided to make an alternate version of it as well, animation wise. For a while they were stuck but eventually they managed to create smth which ofc ended up as the second op for Golden Wind (and also mentioned how that also happened for Stardust Crusaders, with changing the op’s animation to showcase everyone’s stands and also the small interaction between joutarou and dio)

AHHHHHH THEY MENTIONED THE FAMOUS DIO POSE THAT GIORNO DID AHH YESSSS THANK YOU DAVID PRO FOR DOING THAT, they said that they felt that they needed to live up to fans’ expectations so considering how dedicated of a fanbase we are, they decided to put that little nod toward dio’s pose with giorno doing it too

Ending remarks: lolol kasama-san was like ‘watch jojo in these difficult times to brighten up your day’ and honestly i just might :D

Omori-san was also a guest for the live broadcast too! Plus, Kanno Yugo who’s in charge of the music for Golden Wind!!! (a frickin king providing giorno’s iconic asf theme)

OMG THE THEME LETS GO HE TALKED ABT IT: considering his experience with parts 3 and 4 for the themes, he felt he needed to try and one up himself lol; he’s grateful that his music is loved by the fandom and hopes to meets everyone’s expectations (my king you’ve done amazing work)

He talked about how making music for jojo feels like competing in the olympics (cant blame him lol its a pretty difficult job to one up yourself every time theres a new season. since he started working with jojo at stardust crusaders and considering how iconic joutarou’s and josuke’s themes are, needing to make smth as amazing as those themes mustve been tough but he def delivered in the end)

OMG KANNO-SAN PERFORMED LIVE AHHHHHH and ofc its Il vento d’oro :)) THAT WAS SO FRICKIN AMAZING OMG ugh that made me so happy

Ending remarks: both guests were very wholesome, saying to stay safe during this situation. Omori-san stayed behind to say a small message on behalf of warner bros japan, saying to continue to support them and thank you for supporting the anime :))

Overall an amazing experience 😊

I loved everything that happened. It was nice to finally see some of my fave seiyuu at an event despite what’s going on in the world right now, it definitely brightened up my day :D

[naffeclipse]

THIS IS INCREDIBLE TO SEE AFTER MORE THAN A YEAR OF WORK?! OH MY GOSH!!! I'M BITING THE DRYWALL ABOUT THIS!! Oh my gosh, I love how the scenes flow together and intercut! Your art style is so lovely, especially with the more fluid parts of the animation. I love, love the expressions, especially from the vigilante! I'm also simply amazed by the progress that it took from the early WIP to its completion and it's just *mwah*!

Okay, I'm going to get into the nitty-gritty about what I love in the animatic because augh, there are so many details and blink-and-you-'ll-miss-it moments! I had to open it up on YouTube and go by it frame by frame and ohhh did I find some goodies!

I love that it begins without the vigilante already having the ribbons. It establishes the bells and ribbons as belonging to the detectives first, tied around their wrists, and the scene ends with the vigilante running and now possessing their ironic hair tie! ALSO The vigilante making the same face on the wanted poster is simply *chef's kiss* It's such a smooth transition into the first scene from the fic!

The foreshadowing of the Afton file and Mayor Freddy's hand reaching into it is so good, it had me vibrating in my seat! Also the smooth gif of revealing parts of the vigilante's past with the two chains around their throat, the blood, and of course, the iconic purple makes me insane and I'm 100% not normal about it! I'm glad you linked a closer look at that part because I love the details that went into that frame so much!

I also adore how sweet the detectives are with the vigilante, especially Sun holding their hand and their little blush! Juxtaposing with the bloody bathtub scene while the vigilante is holding their wounds and getting discovered is so good, I'm rattling you! Until next time makes me writhe on the ground in the best way possible augh <333

LASJDF The dance scene! The dancing with Detective Sun is wonderful, and I love how much Sun gets into it while the vigilante blushes in his arms! AND MOON BUSTING IN FURIOUS ALASDJF The vigilante in the dress twirling around and turning back to the first fic across the street is such a clever transition and I giggled at the detectives' faces while they stand there caught in their own handcuffs! I'm also feral about the vigilante bowing! That's such a showoff for them but they had to do it just for their detectives <3

I think this scene is my favorite (or at least one of them) with the dark red gun as the music changes up for a moment. Pairing that with the photographer immediately took me to Eclipse's favor that the vigilante owes him. AND I SEE THAT FRAME! THAT SPLIT-SECOND FRAME OF MICHAEL AND THE VIGILANTE! OHHHH IT RIPPED MY HEART OUT AND STOMPED IT, I LOVE IT! And the photographer being buried?! Yes, yes, yesss!!! I am putting this animatic in my mouth and shaking it!

The little montage of the vigilante running from the detectives in the past versus the current where they're seemingly nowhere to be found is a beautiful way to set up what they're going to find when they sneak into the detectives' apartment later! And the hand holding the cigar in the red dark is delicious foreshadowing! Again, I love the expressions when the vigilante finds Moon in desperate need of a celestial wire and Sun's shock at finding them here is *mwah*!

Gosh, I love how heavy and dark it becomes when the vigilante goes to Eclipse. He is looming over them, his smile overtaking them, and the focus on the cigar in his hand creates this air of ominous mystery and I'm entirely here for it. The darkness continues even after the vigilante gets the wire and brings it to Sun! It's like Eclipse is already, well, eclipsing everything over the vigilante because of the favor they promised! And Sun knows what it means by his expression! He's so concerned! The vigilante leaving with the window reflecting the past of the detectives and the mass boss before shining back to the present is so beautifully done! I enjoy the thoughtfulness put it hiding it in the window shine!

Not me about to sob over the vigilante leaving the boys to join Eclipse! Their expressions here are devastated and desperate, and the way they reach for the vigilante?! Ahhhh!!! It hurts my heart in the best way possible! AND THE DARK RIBBON OVERSHADOWING THE BOYS' RIBBON AHHHHHH!

It's so nice to see the vigilante needing a moment to compose themselves before facing the devil himself. Though they slap on a smile and aggressively let him know that they're not exactly happy, it's good to see the smallest part of them dreading him. The kiss here captures Eclipse's greedy possession so well as the vigilante endures it! The photo being knocked away to show just what he has on them is icing on the cake.

Ah, Detective Moon returning with his red eyes focused on the vigilante and Gregory, the smallest moment of uncertainty from them and mostly shock from Moon is *chef's kiss* The car chase is here and I love the animation of the vigilante slipped out of Sun's seat because the gunfight is over and slumping into the passenger side!

It becomes so soft when the lyrics of the song become about family, and the view of the vigilante looking at the detectives' tending to Gregory is so sweet. The vigilante is just so adorable when they talk about Michael! The sheer worry and fear of the vigilante here, reaching out for Sun and holding his hands, really soaking in that terror of losing their two favorite detectives because of their past is tangible here, and it makes me froth at the mouth. The distance between the vigilante and the detectives growing while the vigilante becomes painted in red is so striking and I love how you illustrated that fear of theirs come to life.

Dancing with Moon!! It's so soft and I love the movements, the arm holding before Detective Moon twirls the vigilante back against him, and holds them, and Detective Sun joins to completely it is actually heart-melting and I'm a mere puddle on the floor! The absolute attention it calls when it falls silent, and the vigilante is left hugging themselves with the memory of it, smiling, is so precious and yet foreboding.

The reunion between Gregory and Mayor Freddy is delightful, and with the detectives watching over it, it's just such a neat bow on top of it all. Detective Sun smiles and Detective Moon praises the vigilante! And it's so lovely until the mayor flashes that Afton file, and I lose my mind when the vigilante's face dawns in horror at how they just lost their two favorite detectives!

THE CHASE SCENE! I LOVE THE FLOW OF THE VIGILANTE'S HAIR WHILE THEY'RE RUNNING AWAY AND THE DETECTIVES JUST RIGHT AT THEIR HEELS! AND MOON! MOON RIPPING THEIR SHIRT OFF JUST AS HE CATCHES THEM FOR ONLY A MOMENT! OHHHH YOU CAPTURE THE DESPERATION OF THE VIGILANTE SO WELL AS THEY RUN INTO THEIR HIDEOUT AND DROP TO THE GROUND! THIS IS MY OTHER FAVORITE SCENE!!

Oh, I get goosebumps when the dark red descends onto the frame with the smoke hanging in the air and Eclipse's shadow falling over the vigilante! It's the perfect, gut-wrenching way to end it!!!

Ahhh, I have to tell you that I'm so amazed by all this and I can't sing its praises enough. That's incredible how much work you put into it and how beautifully it turned out because of that! Thank you from the bottom of my heart <3

And thank you so much for sharing!

The long awaited Marriage Material animatic, is here. The final version that is. Feel free to compare with the very very very much wip version from- ...that was- that was more than a year ago i did not realize its been that long..

huh. Anyway, I'm sure you already notice many changes haha

The Sleuth Jesters fics are written by @naffeclipse and the detective au belongs to @sunnys-aesthetic

Youtube link and thumbnail below cuz I like how the thumbnail turned out + a bit more talking

Check out This post and This post for a lil closer look at some parts that I liked making a lot and one you only get to see a little bit of

I don't know if I'll make it public just yet so for now it's gonna be an unlisted vid

(There is a dance earlier in the animatic and i used this vid as heavy ref and Im gonna link it just in case its too similar. idk just in case)

i DEEPLY encourage watching multiple times cuz i added a whole lot of details in some sections (some hard to catch hehe) and im curious to see ppl react to some :3c

Feel free to lmk which section was ur favorite cuz there were some parts that I definitely loved making the most.

[epen409]

My Top 18 Favorite Movies, TV Shows and/or Cartoons of 2018 (in no particular order) Part Dos

10. She-Ra and the Princesses of Power

Ignore the neckbeards who have nothing better to do, so they complain about reboots of cartoons from the quote on quote "golden age of animation, the 80's". She-Ra and the Princesses of Power is a really great show, that yes, is better than the original 80's show. It's able to create a more fun and engaging story, while also having a lot of memorable and likable characters. It also has a theme that I found very interesting, where the villains aren't born evil, they are just misled in the wrong direction and don't truly know wrong from right. It's quite a bold theme for the show. If there is a kind of big flaw, the animation is a little wonky. Some shots and scenes look great, while others are very easy to see where the animation mistakes are. That said, it's still a great show that takes advantage of all of it's fun and interesting characters, and brings them together in a new show that blows its predecessor out of the water. And yes, LGBT fans. It's very, very gay.

11. Spider-Man Into the Spider verse

What a comeback story. Who would have thought that the studio that made the whole world of animation cry last year would end up making the best animated film of the year? But anyways, Spider-Man into the Spiderverse is not only able to live up to all the hype it's been getting for the past year, but it also blew our expectations away. First of all, it looks GORGEOUS. It's able to make a visual style that's not only very beautiful and interesting, but it also happens to create a loving tribute to the original medium of comic books. Second, they put just as much effort in the story as they did with the visuals, which is not only a very fun superhero film, but also manages to be a very engaging emotional story as well, with lots of fun, interesting and memorable characters as well. If there is something to say isn't perfect, I did notice at least one plot hole that left me a bit confused, and they kind of blew the wad for putting in a few too many characters, where, while fun and memorable, don't have that much screen time and don't leave as big of an impression as the main characters. But still, it's one of the year's best movies, so go watch it NOW!

12. Flcl Progressive and Alternative

The first anime I ever saw was FLCL. It was insane, had gorgeous animation, memorable characters and I loved every minute of it. Do its sequel series' live up to the original's legacy. Well, let me put it this way. I very much enjoyed both shows, equally too. I thought they were very fun shows, and their themes, while sometimes a little hit-and-miss, still got their points across, the new characters were very fun and memorable, and the action scenes were also animated very well. With all that said, they still don't hold a candle to the original show. But that's okay, because I imagine it'd be very hard to. I still think that both of these new shows were very good, and although not as great as the original FLCL, was still lots of fun, and somewhat worthy successors to one of the greatest animas of all time. I still recommend both, since they still were good in my opinion.

13. Hilda

Miss Gravity Falls and Over the Garden Wall? Then have I got the show for you. Hilda is a great show from Netflix that manages to capture the spirits of  both those shows, but also having its own identity and voice. One thing I appreciate about the show is that not only can it be calm and laid back in more character and establishing moments, but it also can be equally as exciting and fun for its more adventurous and action scenes. The characters are all very charming. Hilda is a free-spirited and adventurous young girl, but she's not a pushover or overly cheery either. Her friends both regular and supernatural, can sometimes fall into familiar tropes, but also are very fun and enjoyable to watch. (Alfie's my favorite). It's a great show to watch, especially on days you want to cozy up with a cup of hot liquids of some kind, and take it all in. It's a great show, and I highly recommend giving it a watch.

14. Christopher Robin

I missed Winnie the Pooh. Yes, an 18-year old male misses the adventures of a talking teddy bear. Deal with it. But anyways, for a while it seemed that Disney had somewhat given up on the bear with little brains, but they've given him another chance with this new film, but this time, mainly focusing on his human friend, Christopher Robin. One thing this movie gets right is the feeling of Winnie the Pooh. Pooh has never been known for incredibly convoluted stories, just mainly simple tales that it's colorful cast of characters can bounce off of, and this movie nails that feeling down. It's also close to the original cast of characters, since deviating away from their personalities would be considered a form of blasphemy. Also, the performances here are great too. Evan McGregor makes a surprisingly good Christopher Robin, Hayley Atwell is charming as his wife, the girl who played their daughter was pretty good too, and of course, our friends from the 100 Acre Woods are played very well by the new cast, especially the one and only Jim Cummings, the only modern voice for both Pooh and Tigger. Now it does have flaws, like the story is kind of the typical "Dad's too busy for the kids", and although I've grown to like it over time, but sometimes it got a little too dramatic for some scenes, and at time Christopher Robin himself came off a bit as whiny and unlikable in some scenes. With that said, it's very easy to see that the whole film is a big love letter to Winnie the Pooh. No, it's not the best movie of the year, Or anything like that, but if you want a nice, enjoyable and cute movie to watch, then Christopher Robin is the perfect film to watch.

15. Super Smash Bros. Ultimate

I'll break my rule just this once to include a video game here. Super Smash Bros Ultimate was the biggest game from Nintendo this holiday season, and boy did it deliver. The last Smash Bros. game, was lots of fun, with it bringing all of our favorite (popular) video game characters together for a huge brawl. This next one, takes it up to 11. One thing I walkways admired from the games is that it's not the world's most complicated fighter game, while also still being oodles of fun. Only one big flaw: no Waluigi. Nah, just kidding. It's a great game, and a great farewell to the world of Smash from it's director, Masahiro Sakurai.

16. The Dragon Prince

Here's another show that didn't get that much attention on Netflix, The Dragon Prince. Made by the head writer from Avatar: The Last Airbender, and the creator of the Uncharted games, comes a massive fantasy epic focusing on the Battle between humans and fantasy creatures like elves and dragons. One thing I really love about this show is just how complex the characters and their morals are. It's a show that takes a lot of advantage from this theme. It's also filled with lots of fun, yet also very interesting characters. You will probably get attached to them by the end of the show, which may break some hearts too... But yeah, might as well address the elephant in the room, the animation. In fact, I do think that maybe the reason it didn't immediately catch on was because a lot of people were turned off by the animation style. But I still recommend it and ask that you give it a chance, because not only was it lots of fun, and very interesting, but the story and characters help redeem the animation, plus it does improve itself over time. Please, please, please give The Dragon Prince a chance, it's a great show.

17. Ralph Breaks the Internet

Don't worry. It's not another Emoji Movie. Ralph Breaks the Internet is not only a worthy successor to the original film, but it also manages to expand a lot on the heart from the original. This time, instead of arcade games, it plucks our characters into the Internet, and unlike the Emoji Movie, manages to make more clever and creative ideas while being on the Internet. And yeah, maybe the scene when Vanellope visits the Disney website might be Disney patting themselves on the back a little too hard, but it's still a very funny and enjoyable scene that also helps move the plot forward. But one thing the movie was amazing at was expanding on its characters and their development. It even manages to avoid the typical happy ending, which, without spoiling anything, actually makes a change in the characters lives. If there is a flaw, like I said, it's 10 times better than the Emoji Movie, but I will admit, between the cameos from Youtubers and the one scene where Ralph becomes a meme, did kind of make me roll my eyes, but thankfully, unlike the Emoji movie, it doesn't dwell too much on these scenes all that much, and knows when to move the plot forward in the right direction. I still say it's a worthy sequel that's worth your time.

Also, Yesss is my new waifu.

18. Mary Poppins Returns

Here's one of the few live-action Disney films in recent years, I feel are very worthy to the legacy of their original film. Mary Poppins Returns is just a complete and utter joy of a film, not unlike the original classic. The performance of Emily Blunt as the titular nanny is a worthy successor the original by Julie Andrews, and character in general. Lin Manuel-Miranda not only does a great job in continuing the spirit of Dick Van Dyke from the first film, but also in writing a plethora of great songs that are amazingly performed and choreographed by the cast, while also giving tribute to the Sherman Brother's original songs. Even the kids, who I kind expected to get on my nerves, are actually pretty likable and fun, and are given, eh passable performances by their actors and actress. The animation sequence brought a tear to my eye, not only because it was lots of fun, but because I'm just happy to beautiful 2D Disney animation on the big screen again. If there is some flaws, yeah, the story is yet another Dad needs to spend more time with kids plot again, and it does bring some more action/suspenseful moments that I don't feel are completely in spirit to the original film's more laid back tone. But regardless, it's an overall great and very charming new film from Disney, and although I would like them to try doing some more original stuff with their live-action movies, I hope can keep the spirit of both this film,and a lot of the classic live-action Disney movies (like the original Mary Poppins, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, Treasure Island, Darby O' Gill, Swiss Family Robinson and some others you guys probably never heard of).

So that's about it. Thank you all for sticking around listening to me talk about all these Movies and TV shows are worth remembering from this year, and there's a lot I'm excited for next year, and I hope that this next year can be an improvement, with more kindness and joy from the world and from people. Yeah, it's wishful thinking, but it's not a bad wish to have. Thank you all for supporting this page for the last year,and I'LL see ya in 2019!

[huggies-couscous]

Character Challenge #4

Helloes you, who always make me cry tears of happiness for having such great people to talk to. Yes all of you cutiepatooties, here is the next question:

What is the most hilarious thing you've ever drawn or written according to yourself?

My answer!

Oh god, what to choose? No seriously, what to choose??

Okies, let's divide it between my book series.

The Arcapellian Time Travellers:

Well, this is actually a tough one. I think I don't really have a favourite, but one is probably Pièrs Latharno (Alan's best friend), who decides that taking pictures of the enemy while he is supposed to battle them at Monument Valley and try to survive is frigging hilarious. Especially when he starts about his sudden craving for a big chicken (a double McChicken) and he asks his enemies (who litterary CAN'T DEAL with this guy's A++ craziness and absolute wtfuckery and just stand there), for directions. FORTUNATELY Alan comes by to save his ass. SADLY, Pièrs makes it is job to let every one present know about Alan's insanely fear for goats...

(I promiss you it's better than what it looks like XD)

Also every banter between Jack Clueïbahck and his students ( Alan McKenzie, Rosa Doidiërs, Pièrs Latharno, Kate Marevicks, Coda Bibeth, Maxwell Bibeth) are the reason I live.

Maybe the scene where Jack, grabs the remaining plate of food and locks himself up in the frigging bathroom so he doesn't have to share with Maxwell (cause yeah that boy can eat omg) is even the best hilarious shit I've written.

The Dhârumin Fíttuèrhân series:

Oi, every little bitchy remark our darling Rú (short for Dhârumin) makes is an award worthy thing.... According to pretty much everyone in his life. They even call him QB (Queen Bitch) and that's the absolute funny part. Cause that boi, I SWEAR THAT BOi, is SUNSHINE AND FRIGGING FREE HUGS WITH MULTIPLE RAINBOWS SPITTING OUT HIS EYES OF LOVE, OKIES!! He is always trying to be reasonable, fair and always (as in Yesss ALWAYS) will go out of his way to make your day better, safer or whatever. He actually gets regularly scolded by The GESL Institute's main doctor (Simon) for taking way too much care for everyone BUT himself... (this has reasons though 😭)

So imagine this sweet and nice to the max (though a frigging badass on the field), not just scolding you, but probably literary bitch slapping your face with words. And the most terrifying thing is: he NEVER swears when he completely obliterates you... Also, his QB attitude is a very rare sight to behold. Cause you have to really, REALLY spoil it to get that side of him out. But once it's out... Oh boy...

Here are some examples...

Maybe I’m stubborn in the health department, but at least I know how to clean my fucking face…

Dhârumin Fíttuèrhân, G.E.S.L. series, the chapter where Lucas walks in with toothpaste on his face. And after the night where Lucas screws up big time...

Your creepy stare is very annoying, sir. Please stop it, or don’t mind me throwing this fork into one of your eyeballs…

Dhârumin Fíttuèrhân , G.E.S.L. series, the chapter where creepy guys are being spooked by Rú. And learn that Rú is NOT up for their discrimination at all. Like geez Rú... Okay, this threat was perhaps okay, but just digging up their history throwing it (literary if you consider the punch) in their faces. My goodness, they are permanently spooked for life 😂😂 cause, ya know the truth HURTS!! 😂😂

Sooo, my absolute darlings, PLEASE tell me about your A+++ crafts!!! And remember I FRIGGING LOOOOOOVE YOU ALL TO DEATH OKIES!! HUGGIES!!! ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

@eli-shaanne @steadypen @thisisarta @pocketcake

[riskeith]

imagine my surprise when i got the notif that you responded????? im like huh?? i’m happy tho two messages from you a day, i’d say the best start to the year hehe <333

thank u!! i just opened the game for a bit and i just met xiangling!!! she’s such a cutie and i know you used to have her? (do you still?) i love the passion she has for food... what a cutie. <3333

i will!! i think it will be a different experience watching it now than from when i was younger tbh... i’m super excited. also please talk about it it’s much more fun talking about things with you so go for it. spill the worms babe shdksjkddj. oikawa is the bestest boy..... you know when a character is that amazing you just smile everytime they’re on the screen? yeah. that.

KAGEHINA IS SO ADORABLE the progression of their relationship is hsjdjjfdkdn aaaaaaahh!!!! they used to be my faves back in the day help ): there’s something so sexy about rivals and the tension between them and being forced to cooperate and realizing that the other is awesome and jsydhshdhd girllllll (i just noticed the two of us always gravitate towards these kind of relationships hm...) rareships are fun to get into bc there’s a lot of unexplored area you can really dive into and create a lot with. especially if you are a content creator! and the fans of rareships are appreciative of Everything which is sweet too. anyway i’ll keep my eye on iwakage and iwasemi tho.. 👁

hinata is a Babie. he’s goddamn awesome i mean i haven’t seen all of him and his progression but i always enjoyed his character and personality. even at the beginning. can’t wait to see what becomes of him.. 🥺 cutie boys with passion and insane motivation is such a soft spot of mine.. (ehm. izuku)

(yeah ikr???? the story seems crazy good too.... why did you stop watching?)

omg.... did you get enough energy from that..? :( idk how high we rank but i’d say after talking to people from all over the world that we’re pretty lucky when it comes to these things... thankfully!

‘make up for lost development and redemptions’ babe just say klance. jk. not really HAHA. god knowing the potential they could’ve had and reading canon fics and seeing how fans manage to handle their relationship really makes you hate dreamworks even more huh. if fans could do it why couldn’t you fools?

you haven’t seen fireworks in years? why not? :( aren’t there any around you? and yeah god. hopefully this year will start to look up soon but seeing how people act make me rly doubtful.. sigh.

hope you are resting well, babe. m.a. ❣️

responded twice in one day and then vanished… avatar who? AHAHAH but hello again! 🥰

oh nice!! and yep i still have xiangling (you can’t lose your characters hehe) she’s on my main team now! and yesss she’s a foodie how relatable ahah

yeah and oikawa has such a complex personality and story too (quite some angst potential as well?) so i def understand why so many people love him~ also he’s just really pretty HAHAHAHA

yes yes yes you’ve captured that dynamic so well 😩 (& shhh lmao don’t expose us like that but what can i say our brand of ships is just that spicy 🤪) and yesss ngl my dream would be to carry a rare pair and spread that agenda.. ahahhah but i’m also lowk basic and all my ships are pretty popular chdjcnkd

you would be so proud of him!!! i know i am 😭😭😭 aw cute… personally i always fall for the stoic bois w angsty backstories :p

(i started watching it as a part of like a live watch party with other people! but then i had to go and ngl i never really planned to watch it in the first place so i just never went back fjdjskkd)

i am not sure actually… sometimes i would get really sleepy in class tho and nod off AHAHAH and sometimes my stomach would start grumbling in class ugh that was the absolute worst. but i managed! lmao. and yeah it does sound like it’s pretty good for you guys! that’s good :)

EXACTLY!!!!!!!! god there was so much like development and foreshadowing and just. like why. why would you do all that and not have them end up anywhere. like all of s3 was. LEADER AND HIS RIGHT HAND MAN 😭😭 that red and black lion scene 😭😭😭 lance believing in keith when he didn’t believe in himself 😭😭😭😭 me @ me stop this now i’m sad. we really could’ve had it all :((((((

there are quite a few in the city every year! but i don’t really like the crowds and stuff so yeahhhh. yeah ugh it’s so frustrating isn’t it. does your government at least instate restrictions and stuff?

thankyouuu! hope you’ve been doing well <3 - c.r.

[twistednuns]

February 2018

Losing 12kg over the course of January. Still losing more than 2kg every week. Staying motivated (so far). Getting faster and stronger (still working on better and harder).

Sunshine in the afternoon! Walking through Olympiapark to go swimming. Being pushed hard by some other swimmers, I had to put in a lot of effort to keep up but felt really good afterwards.

Meeting my goal to visit every single public bath (indoor) in Munich! In summer I'll do the same with the outdoor pools.

The acceleration of addictiveness.

Random traffic flirts (that dude in the yellow van drives like an asshole but sure looks hot - and waved at me, squee!)

Haribo Drama Lama. Especially the green ones. And the new Haribo penguins with less sugar! Finally.

Seeing Kiki Smith's exhibition opening for free at Haus der Kunst and eating at Aloha Poke with Lena.

The hyacinth growing on my windowsill. It's the perfect shade of purple.

Overcoming listlessness and going outside/swimming/working out anyway. Afterwards you feel great no matter what.

The food that made you.

Master of None is a surprisingly good show. I celebrate tall bearded men (Eric Wareheim), the talent and swag of Lena Waithe and the beauty of Alessandra Mastronardi. And speaking of TV: the latest season of The Magicians made me like that show so much more. They are masters of fantasy meeting pop-culture references. That episode with Eliot and Margo talking in code so the fairy queen wouldn't understand what they were saying was awesome.

The 'Arnold press'. That name... great arm workout, too!

Seeing a green woodpecker during my lunch break walk.

Green tea infused with coconut (and mango).

Productivity high! Data backup, decluttering, washing the bedlinnen, meal prep (...) Being motivated enough to clean up my cellar!!! I got rid of the disgusting, half-eaten carpet and large boxes of other crap. Now I still have five large IKEA bags worth of clothes and I have yet to decide what to do with them.

If birds left tracks in the sky this is what they'd look like.

Tofu fried in soy sauce, fish sauce and a dash of coconut milk. SO good.

Sending snail mail! I love drawing on envelopes and handlettering the address.

Relaxing in the outdoor pool late at night. Breathing in - floating, breathing out - sinking. Icy cold winter air, warm water, hardly any people around. I love going swimming very late. And practising my underwater handstands.

My new rainbow bathing suit.

Inventing weird games for Eliyas. He's lovely when he's laughing. Pillow fighting and the office chair carousel were a big hit! Making him fall asleep at the car shop, having him sleep in my arms, making ugly faces for him and feeding him my spring rolls. What a cutie. An exhausting cutie. Oh and I taught him how to ride on the escalator!

Shopping at Hab&Gut - I found English books for my students, a very pretty handmade bowl and a cobalt blue silk scarf.

Watching the Olympic ice hockey match between Sweden's and Switzerland's woman teams. I already got a ticket for a DEL game in Munich because I realised how much I love watching ice-hockey. There is always such a special atmosphere in the stadium.

Overtaking one of the really fit gym guys at the pool. He eyed me quite suspiciously all the time. Like, how is it even possible that this fat chick is faster than me?!

A dream about old Munich before the building boom, art teacher envy (glamorous artsy boho ladies with insanely talented students) and giving an interview to SZ about theatre and my own book. The next night it was driving around a Russian city with my mum and another school dream (6b apparently knows how to for a magic circle... wicked).

Alnatura has white matcha chocolate now! YESSS!

I discovered Queer Eye For The Straight Guy - an old TV show where five gays get a straight dude's life in order. It's awesome. There is an updated version on Netflix right now - I'm in love with Neal from episode two. And Jonathan Van Ness of course.

And I like the Brothers Green cooking channel.

Lena Dunham on her hysterectomy.

I might get a foster cat in March! Ms Effi might live with me while her mum is visiting the man of her dreams in Colombia! How did I even manifest this? The universe has its wicked ways... | EDIT: She's already gonna move in on Saturday! OMG. And she has her very own Insta account.

Eating Yuzu ramen at AOI with Lena and Lexi. Breaking the exciting news about Effi and finding a backup foster mum in Lexi. Going to the theatre together.

Students telling me that they look forward to their next lesson with me. One week before.

I didn't know that rather simple ideas can be so impressive for, I don't know, non-creative people? Well, easy praise, I'll take it. (regarding the meeting for our school's anniversary)

Being able to give a very semi-motivated student a good grade. She was so happy.

Changing my desktop wallpaper whenever I need to look at something fresh and new.

Maximalism.

The Aldi Bio cookies are fantastic. Seriously. So good. There are matcha cookies, some with chia or cherry - delicious. And not expensive at all.

I enjoy reading Michalis Pantelouris' book Liebe zukünftige Lieblingsfrau - I sometimes read his columns when he still wrote them for SZ magazine but the book is so much more. You know you really like a book when you choose reading over watching Netflix in the evening even though you're tired.

Getting back on track after two days of shitty eating.

Drawing on the envelopes for the books I'm selling on Amazon marketplace.

Pho with coriander, tofu and yoghurt for breakfast. And homemade coconut pancakes.

Working. On a Friday night. Getting things done.

Silk painting! I'm currently painting an underwater scene on a pillowcase with two mermaids, inspired by Pushing Daisies' The Darling Mermaid Darlings (and Arielle, of course).

Bebe Repair Balm. So much healthier for my lips than regular chapstick.

Amarelo (yellow in Portugese). Here is a nice photo collection dedicated to this colour.

The fact that the sun rises so much earlier now and I don't arrive at work in total darkness.

And that Juana know the morse alphabet by heart and communicates through the wall with her mum in the morning!

The first strawberry of the year. There was a delicious smell when I entered the supermarket and I was like... I love this! What is it? Oooh, strawberries! So I knew I had to have them. I didn't even know what it was at first, it took a few seconds to realise what I was smelling.

[airsay58259]

Panalegs: JayxCaitlin really was awful, I cringed all the time with their scenes, zero chemistry. Danielle and her legs win everytime, above all of them. Did you see that gift of her face when Harry woke? *hearteyes*. I really hope they don't do this to her either. I want her to learn to control her powers in a beautiful arc not this nonsense romantic stuff. It seems everybody's life revolves around that. All this "I wouldn't do this without you" please is a superhero show. To continue haha

Yesss the hearteyes when she saw Harry, adorable. I also loved her reaction to Grodd being hurt. Fake Father, Nice Caitlin and bby Grodd.

It’s insane how no one has even suggested yet “hey how about we try to get these powers under control”, especially after the future headline “Killer Frost still at large”. Cuffs, the necklace... they are temporary solutions. Sure there’s a risk she goes rogue, but that didn’t stop them from using said powers to save Iris / ~kill Barry. Get her in the speed lab, lock everything, get some Super Darts ready just in case, and have her train until she figures out how to control herself without a friendship™ speech. Or you know, actually try to understand why using the powers make her different. @andromeda-phoenix suggested therapy, why the hell not. Try/discuss SOMETHING, even if it fails. This could be a cool arc, no pun intended. Instead we are waiting for the moment Cait loses it completely and if X-Men has taught me anything it’s that beautiful doctors’ evil personalities do NOT like being ignored and repressing powers is only delaying and aggravating the situation.