#< my old intro posts

[distantsolarsystemsandsnails]

ok i MAY be on tumblr for a little bit occasionally (when my parents come to visit and take me out for a bit and bring me my phone) but that’s only gonna be once a week at the very most. so i’ll still be gone most of the time. but just so you know.

just a heads up: i will be gone for up to 3 months.

starting monday, i will be going to a residential program for my ocd where i will not be allowed to have my phone or use social media. i don’t know yet how long i’ll be there but it will be a while. but i’ll be back. i’m just announcing this so people know i haven’t died. i’ll miss you guys! <3

[chocobje]

Hi I made another AU

edit: Okay can we all agree to ignore the fact I didn't realize it was in the wrong order until 10 minutes later thanks

edit 2: OH MY GOD IT WAS STILL IN THE WRONG ORDER THIS WAS UP FOR A FEW DAYS NOW I'M SOBBING

Captions for the text under cut incase:

ENTRY #■■■

"So, in Gardenview we have these revival machines for Toons. Death among Toons is normal for us. It's not that big of a deal since the humans can just bring us back."

"(Toon Handlers encouraged us to minimize death, especially when we're with kids.)"

"The revival machines would always bring us back as if nothing has happened. Memories intact and everything. When the humans left us— Gardenview, oddly enough, still had power. So the machines still worked. But overtime, they started acting up..."

"One day, the machines worked automatically by itself. Seems like whenever a Toon revives they grew more sick... Then Violent."

"I'm unsure what causes the ichor to be so harmful... But I promise to get to the bottom of this."

-

[fumifooms]

Chilchuck, family & alcoholism

Collection of thoughts and speculation on Chil’s upbringing, his dynamic with his family and how alcoholism ties into it all. If you want the groundwork info on Chil’s background I recommend my masterpost on his family, here beyond a summary of the facts it’s really just me speculating from the crumbs we get of his parents and siblings, how it’s all affected him and in turn affected his own wife and kids etc etc.

There’s nothing more I’d like on mother’s day than to speculate about Chilchuck’s maladaptive attachment style. I’m fascinated by how distant everyone is and how much he’s been devoted to them all despite having been so absent. Intergenerational trauma get over here

Actually it’ll be easier if I make a rundown here too, it’s just stuff I reiterate from my masterpost tho.

Tiny table of contents: 1- rundown: family facts 2- rundown: alcoholism 3- dad 4- parenting 5- daughters 6- wife

^ Every time his dad gets mentioned. His mom never gets mentioned. His siblings I think are only ever mentioned in this extra, and then there are more ambiguous relatives cameos.

We know is hometown isn’t Kahka Brud, but we’re not sure wether he moved there upon getting his own house (presumably around when he got married at 13), or if it’s only after his wife when he rented out his place to relatives then rented the place in Kahka Brud.

If he rented it out to relatives, maybe that meant it was in his hometown? Especially if he and his siblings are "almost strangers" so presumably he doesn’t really keep in touch with his family. And I mean, he hasn’t seen his wife or daughter in 4 years so you can imagine how he’s like with his more distant family…

Additionally half-foots and Chil are very coded to be from an impoverished opressed working class people. So that’s the context.

I’ll say that I mentioned intergenerational trauma at the beginning, and I def think the distrust of elves is part of that, but here I want to focus on the interpersonal effects rather.

Copy pasting my masterpost thoughts overall: Chilchuck is hinted to have had a rather dysfunctional family himself (alcoholic father, distant siblings, etc). So he doesn’t really have the best model on how to raise someone and such. I imagine it was a sort of neglectful home situation, where the kids are encouraged to be independent. If they didn’t have to work or help around much, then a free range parenting sort of thing.

We do see how the family has full and warm feasts, where someone cleans his mouth with a rag, so it’s not like he didn’t have caring people or had a tragic childhood though! I don’t remember if it’s explicitely stated but he’s heavily implied to having grown up poor, as most half-foots, and I just think it’s the hardened hardworking family type of childhood where just like he does with others, they instilled somewhat harsh life lessons in him, which in turn encourages him to indulge in the simple pleasures of life like alcohol and sex, or at least women’s beauty and crass jokes. We do see he seems more optimistic when he’s younger in flashbacks, so a bunch of his harsh view on the world is still likely learned and earned rather than taught.

I still think he inherited many flawed views from how his father acted, like his attitude about excessive drinking not being a big deal, it being worth it. That work hard play hard, enjoy life die young mentality he has, shown mostly in the “alcohol” section of his Adventurer’s Bible profile, could very well be partly a result of the general poverty half-foot communities are that he grew in as well, like how he doesn’t hope for things to be as best as they could be and contends with good enough.  As far as I remember, his mother is never mentioned, but I doubt it implies she was out of the picture. She was probably a regular sort of mother that took care of the home and was still around when his father died, not unlike how Chil’s wife was implied to be a housewife. It looks like there’s a good age gap between one sibling to the next, that could be interesting to speculate about too. Mostly though I think it’s big family because it’s just sorta what happens when you regularly have sex and you don’t have contraception, being poor often makes family planning harder for various reasons and leads to more children.

Alcoholism context rundown:

Good Chilchuck analysis baseline here. Alcohol seems to be his main stress reliever/coping mechanism, especially for how emotionally constipated he is, and his job is being stressed about his party’s safety. Then he also mentions as a changeling that having his senses dulled feels relaxing to him, further confirming alcohol, as a drug that dulls senses, is something that he likes for the intoxication aspect and feels it’s relaxing. Alcohol also acts as a hunger suppressant, so it for sure has played a role in his dieting and unhealthy eating/diet habits, especially since he shows the instinct to drink to soothe hunger, all of that about how going hungry for 3 days used to feel manageable. Chil dieting info compiled here.

Chilchuck is at his most effortlessly cheerful when drunk or drinking. Compilation of every time he was drunk here.

And to be clear, a cheerful drunk is still a drunk. He literally will drink anytime he gets the opportunity to even if he’s aware overdrinking leads to health problems and death. Like canonically. He does NOT see how drinking should be a problem and does not seek to show restraint with it.

Dad of the dad

Marcille and Chilchuck having a talk on how losing a dad be like "You lost your dad young too…? I know how it is, it must have hit you hard…" "No not really tbh. Do you want lasagna or chicken for dinner?" <- either genuinely doesn’t feel much about his dad’s death or has 10 layers of repression, idk which is worse

I think Chil not making a big deal out of his dad’s death, not having worries in following into his footsteps that way in the least, is super interesting.

As a buddy @saccharineomens puts it: " I kinda imagine chilchuck and his dad didn't have a bad relationship, but in general chilchuck is so blase about drinking (he sees it as a delightful time, a wonderful thing! he wouldn't mind dying doing something he loved!) that he's not very upset about his dad's passing? like "yeah, he died, but i was already an adult, he was an adult, he made his choices, i make my choices, it's cool" " And I’ll nitpick that we don’t know how old he was when his dad died, I always assumed it was pretty early since Chil left home when he got married, and like I’ve gone into he doesn’t seem to be the keep in touch type. It’s on the table though, and he could have learned about it through letter if nothing else and that contributes to the "meh" reaction.

And that is very Chilchuck, the whole "we made our choices, it is how it is, he died doing something he loved", and you can totally believe that that’s the crux of it, but I do think the nonchalance hints at the family overall being distant and not only the siblings, that there’s dysfunctional shenanigans going on in there more than just… Healthy coping and having moved on.

I wonder when Chil first drank… And I wonder how he came to realize he liked alcohol a lot. His father probably gave him sips… Or he stole them

No because, with how disaffected he is about his father and siblings I could definitely see him having started to kind of numb himself/dissociate with the help of alcohol in that home environment that felt so… Either devoid of feelings or too messy to get attached. I can totally see his family being one that encourages dealing with feelings by bottling them up.

Because too… We saw him have a family/community feast of some sort presumably when he was a kid, in that chapter cover, so it’s not like there’s no warmth or sense of family at all, but then like… What went wrong? If as I theorize that girl with short black hair in that panel is his future wife, since she’s his childhood friend and all, what if his family/home life was always kind of cold and distant, even when gathered and cheery or despite those occasions? So then it’s like, at the family gatherings, she’s the most important person there to him, the one he actually connects to the most, the warmest presence he has…….. Someone he jokes around with that feels on the same speed as him, that doesn’t have the same connotations as everyone else present, a bit of a haven, someone different, a breath of fresh hair and a regained sense of childhood… Spitballing of course of course

I feel like they had a pretty big family and they were poor and such so there were always chores to be done etc, so their household might have operated like a mini busiess of sorts where everyone’s too busy, always has this and that to do and the mother asks them to go do tasks. I used to think it might be more of a neglect situation, where the kids are expected to provide for themselves and so cook their own meals and whatnot, both parents distant, but I don’t think so with the feast illustration. Chil at the beginning of canon used to see eating as a practical thing more than anything, you have to eat to live but don’t eat much or your weight will make your job more dangerous, might as well skip meals and have beer instead, etc etc. So the thought that he doesn’t know how to cook all that well despite this speculated background where he cooked for himself and keeps cooking minimalistic, since he does tell Senshi he taught him about cooking, is fair, but still… There could definitely be a situation where his older siblings were pushed into a parental role too, where they helped with the food and raising the younger siblings etc etc. As mentioned, the age gap between siblings may play into the dynamic as well. But on this front I have less ideas…

So yes my general take on Chil’s family is that everyone was too busy to emotionally connect as much as is normal, the parenting leaving things to be desired with alcoholism and emotional neglect.

Fathering

And I think that’s especially interesting considering he hasn’t been keeping in touch with his daughters either. It’s "they’re independent now" and that’s kinda it. His daughters haven’t sent him letters or visited him or tried to make him talk to their mom again. It does feel like with his own parents and siblings to me, where people are almost strangers, where relationships grow apart and everyone shrugs and goes ‘that’s how things are’. Is it that everyone including all his daughters gave up on trying to keep in touch, or is it that they all went "well divorced or not he’s absent, this is our normal tbh", and which is worse?

So yes, I think his relationship with his daughters is probably similar to his relationship with his parents, sort of hands off. Chil's dad was probably not a good dad but probably not quite a bad dad. A definitive He Was There, to quote another friend heh

Imo the thing with Chil is that he was pretty absent bc of work travels to dungeon dive, right. He’s working hard to provide for his family but in the process he’s not spending much time with them, slowly making a gap grow between him and them as they drift apart and change as people. He’s a career dad who never realized spending time with his family was more important and threw his pager into the ocean— But also here’s the thing!! You want to say being his family is more important, but money is arguably more important! They’re poor, they don’t have the privilege of free time as much. Sure he’s not there, but he is providing for them what they need to keep living and growing healthily. Similarly, you want to say Chil should stop doing harsh dieting for weight management, but, he has a point, maybe starving is still preferable than dying in traps. Of course the ideal would be to change jobs, but again, life is a struggle and that’s not always an option.

^ Truly the classic "if you don’t listen to me, your parent, a cryptid is gonna kidnap you!" international experience………

He is so so so the "What? My way of parenting is kinda bad? But my father raised me like that, and look how great I turned out!" <- emotionally dysfunctional…….. "Pshhh what do you mean having an alcoholic parent negatively affects you? My father was an alcoholic too and look at me"  🤡

All of it was behavior normalized to him. And listen, I’m saying this but not as like, shirking of his part in it. This isn’t a teen or young adult, he’s middle aged, he’s become the one giving and not receiving the generational trauma. He’s chosen to never think deeper on the topic.

And like, he himself is so indifferent to his father and what their relationship was like, of course he wouldn’t notice if a parenting choice wasn’t great for his daughters. He doesn’t have a relationship with his dad, he’s not (at least not consciously) traumatized by him, so from his perspective it’s mission success! He got raised decent enough 👍⭐️ Except he doesn’t realize that like, not particularly caring if he died is sign of a problem between them in itself… And this even as he remains somewhat of an important figure in his life, especially since that’s who he sees on the other side of the life river in the ghost chapter. It’s implicitly the biggest instance of loss through death Chilchuck has in his life I think.

But despite it all he obviously does love his family a lot, right. So I do believe that like, while he has imperfect standards when it comes to parenting he still tries to be better than his dad was, that even if it’s necessary that he has a lot of long work travels, he spends time with them. And there’s sort of this dissonance that he’s both "it doesn’t matter wether i’m here or not, they’ll live, they’re tough girls. Oh they didn’t like my scolding earlier? It’s just how kids are" dismissive and "I love them so much and I want them to have a good life. I want to do my best by them" devoted and so so caring. And like that’s why he works so damn hard, he does it for them, but also that’s why the girls grew up with an absentee father and aughhhh AUGHHHH the unsolvable dilemma of it all Chilchuck in Dunmeshi truly represents like, the harshness of reality & the world and how sometimes things will just suck no matter what, and then of course balancing that with Marcille in their shared arc where she tacks on "And despite that there is beauty everywhere even in the small and menial things, despite that your flawed relationships and dreams are still worth fighting for" ie giving reconciling with his wife a shot, etc.

All that said I think the very strict "you’re gonna grow up to have a stable job by god, young miss" attitude, those strong work ethics he highly values and focuses on and no doubt tried to instill in is own kids, is something he somewhat inherited from his own upbringing and parents.

In my masterpost bit on his parenting, I said I don’t think he’d do any kind of corporeal punishment, but. I do wonder about spanking aftee all. It can be so so easy to rationalize it… Sigh

Daughter pov

Again, my general interpretations for the daughters are written in my masterpost. I think Patti knows her father the least and is the one least worried about jobs and stability and least settled down as a result. Flertom is the more social one who I imagine tended to be the one worried about her parents’ couple and their emotions the most. And Meijack… Ohh Meijack.

When your father tried his best to provide for you but he worked all the time and even when he was home he was either tired or stressed and he’s always liked to get drunk to relax and cheer up. When you know he values work ethics and respectability so you grew up to be capable and quiet. And when he says you’re like him you’re sort of puzzled, does he really know you so little, or does he know himself so little? But you like the feeling of your father ruffling your hair so you accept it and still you stand next to your mother just as quiet and just as stoic during family gatherings. He leaves again and again and when your mother leaves him nothing changes, really. You wonder if it’s more telling that you know him better than he seems to himself or that you don’t know him as much as you wish you did, or that you don’t think about him all that much these days. Out of sight out of mind

Thinking of those posts about how kids never forget and during the "draw your family!" things at school, some of the kids draw their working parents seperate from the rest of them...

Absent father and when he’s at home you get the crumbs of him that you get and you’re grateful for it and that’s that <333

She doesn’t know how much he loves them bc he hasn’t showed them in a long time </3

The horror of drunk Chil in my fics is often about what in this state he can’t do rather than what he could do, how someone who’s as proud of his skills and work ethics as he is has truly changed, not comprehending how he could become so sloppy or how he could allow himself to get like this, marred the values he preaches above all else. It’s in the way that he fumbles with doorknobs, that he could never lockpick a door if you were to lock it, and it both being your salvation and bringing you extreme distress at the thought of it all. His footsteps usually featherlight now sound heavy as stone, like a troll’s.

You know the thing that gets me so bad with alcoholism angst is when people describe the drunk person as a stranger. Often making a metaphor that they’re monsters, have some monster they shapeshift into uncontrollably once in a while, as a way to split the unreconciliable halves of the person sober and drunk in your vision of them……. It gets me soooo bad Little Puckpatti growing up on tales of trolls kidnapping disobedient kids and replacing them with doubles so no one even knows they’re gone… Coming face to face with a drunk Chilchuck that roams the halls of the house with heavy steps in the night, because she wanted to go drink a glass of water, too thirsty to sleep………..

And this is where I reveal that I wrote a fic about just that!! Trolls that thump and tiptoe through the night Mei @ Chil, You made me of stone and still every day you wear me down and chip away at me bit by bit

In the end notes I describe my takes and interpretations: With Mei I tried to give the sense of a kid who sacrifices some parts of childhood to feel closer to her parent, like not playing games to spend more time with him no matter how empty, or wanting to be worthy in his eyes. With Fler, since she was the one in canon to take in their mother and write Chil a letter explaining the situation, I feel like she’s always been the one most involved and aware of the problems in their family. The one most there to emotionally support or to understand what the vibes in a room meant. Puckpatti I think knows her father the least, since with time I think Chilchuck was more and more away from work and more and more cynical like the flashbacks of younger him dungeon diving. I think because of her not minding unstable odd jobs that she’s the most passive, that she’s the most go with the flow. I do also love when Mei is the one most aware of her parents’ flaws and most critical as the eldest, but not in this fic. Meijack grows up to never touch a drop of alcohol, what people joke is the one difference between her and her father. Flertom drinks, too much sometimes, but she considers drinking should be a social activity rather than a habit. Puckpatti only drinks on special occasions when she has the chance.

They already don’t have that much time together because of his work, I wonder how big of a percentage the amount of memories the daughters have of him are when he’s not himself truly… How they kinda reconcile it all. It’s their normal. 

And the thing that’s gutting too, is that Chil always looks so so much more open, relaxed, cheerful and happier when drunk than he usually is. He doesn't know how to get his defenses down without alcohol

"you're all that's good"

Because we do see how he truly used to not be so closed off and bitter. But distrust and fearing for betrayals from both coworkers and then his wife aka the person who’s supposed to be closest to him (he doesn’t even have close family besides his daughters. Does he even have close friends) turned him into what he is now. He was so cheerful!! Happy and trusting and optimistic.

He leaves and she left

God there’s the whole ‘wife leaving him’ trauma too is the thing… It had to have fucked him up so bad like no wonder he got paranoid and decided not to open up to ANYONE like. He never saw it coming is the scariest thing. He didn’t expect her to just up and leave. He didn’t see the warning signs. He won’t know if it’s coming this time either.

….. But then also, why he didn’t reach out to her (besides hurt) was because it was a petty silence treatment, like "oh she left without saying a word? Fine well I won’t reach out to her either" <- man who is so not fine and collected about it. It’s been FOUR YEARSSSSSSS I wonder if he always was like… "This week she’s gonna send a letter. … Ok fine, this month she’s gonna crack. … Within the year she’ll come crawling back." and it’s a bit why it was allowed to go on for this long unchecked like… Why he still considers her his wife even though functionally she’s more of an ex by that point after 4 years.

I can never stop thinking about him and his wife they’re fucking crazyyy. Him not reaching out to her started as a silent treatment from frustration. She never reached out to him either, she just up and left, didn’t even leave or send one last letter she’s just gone and has left this all behind, the house and everything in it. It’s been 4 years but he still considers her his wife and considers themselves only "estranged", "due to circumstances we haven’t seen each other in years". His face in the panel he said this is interesting too, trying to be casual but defensive and exasperated, already dreading the judgement and questions. He moved out of his house to rent a place in Kahka Brud instead. How much of him not reaching out was avoidance… Guilt, frustration, sadness, confusion, just procrastinating and dread and fear of a rejection more concrete, or something else… Maybe realizing he doesn’t miss her as much as he should, not enough to chase after her or try to get her back, just resigning himself to it… Is he a bad husband, is he a bad person? Should they reconcile?

Not seeing it coming… It’s half trust, that this person who’s so dear to you could never just up and leave and hurt you like that, half entitlement, thinking that she would never think of leaving, and third it’s blinding himself to the warning signs, not wanting to believe or acknowledge them. Because like, there WERE some, he said she "suddenly fell into a bad mood on the way back [from the outing]" and I don’t think he’s too dumb to be aware that something was off, he literally just dismissed it and then went surprised pikachu face when it turned out things were indeed off.

Part of it is definitely, how do you even react if your wife walks out on you without warning. If it happened to me I think that I wouldn’t reach out for a while either, wait for them to reach out to me first, give them space. As I put it in one of my marchil wips, "I respect your right to be rid of me too much to try and shackle you to me if you want to leave". Inaction is easier than admitting he’s scared to check and find out that the worst case scenario is true. It’s been years and he still hasn’t worked it out why she left. Do you think that’s on purpose. That he doesnt want to know for sure. It’s so so so scary to try and do anything about it

He said he didn’t reach out right away when she left because he was petty and wanted to give her the silence treatment back. Ok but is it that he blames her for their marriage falling apart or does he blame himself and he’s just misdirecting the conflicted feelings? Did he not reach out because a part of him was too scared to know why she left or if she would refuse to come back? Did he just think that she’d come back on her own, and things would get fixed while still staying unsaid and unconfronted like they always have, the first month, then the next and the next, until it was a year in and it sunk in that oh, maybe she wasn’t coming back?

He seems genuine here when he says that he was angry about it and gave her the silent treatment, but it is an habit of his to lie to make himself look worse instead of showing vulnerability, so who knows.

He is so so scared of being affected by relationships. Same thing with his compulsive habit to disguise his worry for anger. It’s why he doesn’t want people to have expectations of him, "I’m a coward I’m selfish", because then they can’t be disappointed, they can’t be surprised if he bites, they can’t leave when you lose what they’ve been staying for.

He has avoidant tendencies too. Every time there’s an interpersonal issue he just accepts it’s out of his control immediately. He’s passive when it comes to relationship problems, just like with coworkers, relationships are a ticking time bomb to him, and he just wants to be left out of it and come out unscathed. It comes back to his pessimism. He doesn’t think that like, things could be better. According to him life is tough and cruel, you accept your lot in life and make the best out of it and that’s it. If people are scummy you don’t whine about how unfair it is, you close yourself off and work to not be taken advantage of again and adapt. So then with his wife, when Marcille is like "Have you tried… Talking?" it’s such a crazy idea that it might work at all, that he could have the power to fix things… And that’s why it’s such a big deal when he goes "Alright I’ll try… I don’t know if it’ll go as well as in the stories, but I’ll try". That CRUMB of allowing himself to be hopeful is so huge

Honestly for the longest time I misread this bit, I thought she left in the night like how Marcille framed it, but no she left after he left for work. She left after he left again.

The way it’s told, it really sounds like Chilchuck just came home from work, stayed probably a couple of days in which they went to that outing together, then left for work again right away/soon after and it’s like. Was that outing the most special thing you guys did together. You came home from like a month of work, you had one outing where she ended up having a bad time, y’all didn’t talk about it further and then you left for another couple of weeks. Are you kidding me

Your married life is waiting for your husband to come home, spending mediocre time together, being shut down when you voice discontentment, and things being left unaddressed before he leaves again.

She left when he was gone for work, but did she leave the day of, or did she flip flop on it and took a while before working up the strength to leave? Was she waiting to see if he’d say anything before leaving and when he didn’t that was the last straw?

Chilchuck trying to prove a point that half-foots can make it out there, trying to rely more on himself because that’s the only person he can trust. His wife feeling like he's leaving her behind (because he does. over and over and over and over.) This guy just keeps throwing himself into work because he thinks it's what's best for everyone. Hey sir neglecting emotional needs can be kinda detrimental to everyone involved, I think you might wanna know that ^ quotes courtesy of @soappox

And to come back to alcoholism for a bit, alcoholism is alcoholism, and someone asked why I thought that a Chilchuck with depression would drink and cope through alcohol, since drinking seems to be something cheerful to him. It does puzzle me a bit but it’s worth going over, so… I don’t think him using drinking as a coping mechanism is far fetched at all. Cheerful drunks that are alcoholic still can absolutely use alcohol in ways like that. If something makes you happier, or even just more numb which translates to you feeling more free etc etc, then I definitely think it tracks that he’d keep drinking. Like personally I do think he’d drink a lot after his wife left him, and in rough patches like that. Depression -> not wanting to have to think, the days are blurring together and you either don’t want to be conscious or you want to feel something etc etc -> drinking for the alcohol. Alcoholics tend to be, well, dependent on alcohol. If something bad happens etc they’re usually more likely to go harder on it rather than stop. We can debate on when and why Chilchuck first started to drink but it’s straight up his favorite food now and it’s deeply ingrained in his life, in his favorite outings and activities and priorities and moods and meals. A CHEERFUL DRUNK IS STILL A DRUNK!!! They drink to get happy not drink because they are happy, though obviously the two can have overlap.

Chil represses sooo much. His solution to interpersonal conflict and feelings is just don’t think about it and dull your feelings & senses to everything ✨ I love him. I need to kill him with hammers Like the other day I was thinking about an AU where he might have ran away from his neglectful home or something, but then I remembered he deals with everything including his family by dulling his feelings and senses to things 🫠 He wouldn’t leave

I’d say he doesn’t look troubled by loss through death, moreso loss through mistakes. His nightmare is his daughters dying yes, but moreso them being killed, there’s an axe in the wall etc, it’s about having failed to protect them.

If he can’t fuck something up or if he’s already fucked it up there’s this pacifying sense that he can’t have the rug pulled from under him, because that’s what having connections is, having a wife isn’t an insurance it’s a rug waiting to be pulled. And his brand is sort of Flawed Mr Mistakes Man so he’s kinda been having to cope lol. I do think he throws himself into workaholism, because it’s sort of the only way to live he knows, making yourself capable and useful and spending his days working like that, less time to think, too tired to think. Senses dulled, senses that are usually too sharp, cutting with clarity that he prefers ignoring and avoiding. Work is something he doesn’t have to feel through, something that gives him pride and self-esteem, something through all the danger and life or death risk feels safer, emotionally. No one taught him how to deal with things another way, it’s always been suck it up and work.

Conclusion

Stop smoking we love you and we don’t want you to die

No drinking will not externalize your feelings no it won’t vent them out well please Chilchuck ple-ea-ease…….

</3 They should invent an alcoholism that doesn’t make you dysfunctional and hard to be around

^ Drunk, by The Living Tombstone

I’ve been thinking about enneagrams and Chil is 6w7 highkey. Becomes 3 when stressed, a little 8 but it’s more that he wants security so much that he becomes paranoid rather than having the core of an 8 y’know. I haven’t dug into it for quotes yet but this paper goes hard if you’re curious.

Dropping my relevant Spotify playlists here bc why not: Chilchuck & his wife, marchil angst

[italyveneziano]

Old redraw of an even older drawing ☺️ They are the father and son ever. To me (please don't tag as ship!)

[ratwithhands]

「今日もうギアステ は鉄道員がない、死んでいる。」

I had a rough day at school and thought about drawing this while walking home. I think it's kind of funny how I've seen a few instances of submas having fatal working conditions for themselves and others in old songs, especially since these days there's so many headcanons about what work at the station looks like and how the benefits are. I think beta submas would be in the trenches, but submas proper definitely has a union/human rights code of some kind.

Fun fact, the other instance of deathly working conditions at Gear Station is from the video that inspired Battle Addict. That one was definitely moreso Emmet's fault than this cover, he's almost having it the worst out of the staff with Ingo in this.

[stephaniesblogxx]

Welcome to my blog angels ˚˖𓍢ִ໋🦢˚

-> read more to get to know me!

౨ৎ i lovee old hollywood starlets especially marilyn monroe!

౨ৎ i adore all kinds of music -> from grunge to jazz, classical music, medieval songs & all time periods 🎶

౨ৎ some things i’ll post on this blog are my thoughts, moodboards, starlets, lana del rey & other things as such

౨ৎ i also post some girlblogger questions sometimes and little games so ask to me mutuals to be mentioned! <3

౨ৎ some of my hobbies include: crochet, sewing, cooking & baking, reading, writing (poetry, short stories)

౨ৎ i adore fashion! i’m very interested in historical fashion and retro themes

just so you know..!

౨ৎ my dms are always open if you want to chat about stuff i enjoy and things we have in common, but no creepy old men pls!!

౨ৎ ask me anything in my ask box! i love answering them it makes me so happy

౨ৎ i’m a minor so don’t message me if you’re 18+ and have questionable intentions

౨ৎ i’ll be mutuals with anyone!

౨ৎ always be kind on this page or you will be blocked

౨ৎ all my photos on this blog are from pinterest, comment or message me for credits!

౨ৎ please dni:

-> ed/sh blogs

-> nsfw blogs

thanks for reading! lots of love darling

xoxo, the girl who fell from heaven

[streamstar]

THIS BLOG IS FOR ADULTS (18+) ONLY.

`` 🦊 `` — GOOD EVENING, EVERYONE! `` YOU WILL ... `` — INSULT THEM. — BEG THEM TO HELP YOU. — STAY SILENT.

`` 🩸 `` — THIS BLOG IS...A roleplay account for Fox (Ren Hana) from the series The Price Of Flesh.

`` 💉 `` — DISCLAIMERS... Writing that takes place here may contain sexual and/or gruesome themes such as blood, violence, human trafficking, mutilation, foul language, graphic descriptions, and so forth. If it has not been written my apologies, but it is fair to assume there will be plenty of adult themes. I will not interact with anyone below the age of 18 and will be blocked swiftly, I take this very seriously and it is for my own safety and yours, please respect this boundary. I have no problems writing NSFW scenes as long as it makes sense and there has been enough build up, this user is more than delighted to engage in OC x canon and encourages these interactions! I will not write anything that involves a minor and an adult, even if written as a parental figure due to the initial nature of the game and series as a whole, I will not write anything involving zoophilia, please don't ask this of me. I do not have a personal blog that I am willing to share at this given time, nor a discord. This account will be my main, and only contact with any roleplay partners! My response time will vary, but given the length I am comfortable pushing out a reply every other day or so, but again! Life happens, and it may get pushed to the side for a bit but you will be given notice. My writing length is flexible, but I am capable of 2000+ words, more or less given the circumstance - I appreciate if my partners are able to match my length.

`` 🔪 ``— I MAY OCCASIONALLY POST... Fanart, fanfiction, moots art, concepts, and future plans. But everything here will be BTD/TPOF relevant! This account is new and empty, have patience with me! CURRENT THREADS OPEN... — NONE, BUT OPEN TO STARING ONE.

[mew-aka-mimichan]

📛🍀Mimi’s Blog!🌈

🎀🧩😋

Hai! My web tag is mew but you can also call me mimi chan! Welcome 2 mai blog!🍮🐾

…

🍀My nickname is mimi, but I also go by mew, clova or mootwoot online! I’m just ur average introverted borderline NEET gurl, obsessed with anything and everything loli, anime, cutesy, kewl, or even a bit ceepi… (*ﾟ∀ﾟ*)

🍓about me, pursonallly!

I go by she/they/meow/mew pronouns, I’m biologically a girl,I’m pan,I’m black,and I’m 14! I'm also a cat therian!!! (maine coon):3 I’m homeschooled sooo I’ve got plenty of time 2 be chronically online!!! 😋😋😋 I’m a beginner-transitioning-to-intermediate artist, and an aspiring model… I’m also mental LOL (I definitely have illnesses, but im undiagnosed, I suspect I have autism, adhd, or possibly ocd)

🌀I love decora and mainly jojifuku/cutecore/ kawaii fashion styles, and I’m OBSESSED w/ 2010’s intornet core :3 usually I stay in my room 2 rot all day :P most ov tha time you’ll catch me on 4chan, Reddit, Pinterest, yootoob, and sumtimes tumblr or discord! usually I’m pretty introverted irl anddd even online… so if you try 2 dm me I may or may not reply lolz >_<

🌈fandoms I’m in!

I luv luv luv attak on tittan, madoka magika, mha, ouran high school host club, Steven universe, OS tans and WEB tans, my little pony, lalaloopsy, tawog, touhou, netrun-mon, moetan, yatsouba, kodomo no jikan, K-ON,lucky star, precure, and vocaloids!!!! 😋🍀🍀

>expect me 2 switch between fandoms 🍟

👾i luv 2 ply fnaf, project sekai, danganronpa, Minecraft, beatsaber, roblox, splatoon, Kirby games and Mario gaems!!!💖

🧩and I luuuv listening 2 kikuo, siinamota,frenesi,kyary pamyu-pamyu,sasakure.kk, mitchie M, and snail’s house/ujico!!! 🍰

🏩Just so u know, art will be tha main content of mai blog, but occasionally I can post diff stuffs like vent posts, memes, and edits! _(:3 」∠)_🦴

🍖🌈,🐰🎀,🍼🍪,🎒🧃,🎱🎀 ^_^

🖍️my artttt

I think I’m pretty good at drawing, I’ve been doing digi art for a year, and I’m thinkin of taking commissions for anything! I’ll make a post ab it when I’m ready, ask me 4 more info! (^_^*)🍭

☆•. ♪ *｡♡＼(⸝⸝´▽`⸝⸝)ノ♡｡*♪ .･☆

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⚠️if u aren’t ok with this, then ok :3⚠️

-im a proshipper and a darkshipper!!!! i enjoy loli content and draw loli/shouta-looking characters, but I’m not a map(minor attracted person) and I don’t sexualize real kids or condone grooming irl, I’m addressing this because I look forward to posting my art and this is my safe space! ( ^ω^ )🎀

Welp, that’s prettyyyy much it! See ya!!🍰

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

─━★. . +. *. •. . 。 ✩

☆ +. *。+. ☆. * ─=≡Σ((( つ•̀o•́)つ.

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。. ✩. .•. *. .*─━★. •. ✩.

. •. *. +. • . ･:*三( o'ω')o 。

✩. 。. .•. 。 .*. •. 。+. ☆. *. +

─━★. •. *. +. . *. •. +

*. ☆ +. *. • --==≡≡ଘ(੭ˊ꒳​ˋ)੭✧

─━★. . 。. *✩. •. . ☆ . *. +. •

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[employee052]

this is your reminder to make ur cringy n self indulgent art bc cringe is dead and you gotta live life (I say, despite the fact i still feel a bit cringe but im being so brave abt it)

lettin myself post n do more art for myself so apologies for the more selfshippy art than usual

[cable-salamdr]

the intro post ever

Realized I don't have a good one right now so I'm making a new one

Hello the name's Cable or Foxglove, I go by He/Him usually (I like to refer to myself as “it” a lot, though)

I'm pretty much just an artist on here. Occasionally spit out mildly funny stuff. Blog where I rb all my art to: @theartofcable

Please ask to use my art as pfps or anything first!! Do not repost my shit I WILL find you!!!!

Primarily and originally a Lego Ninjago blog, though am now 9th level hell deep in Sonic The Hedgehog as well (thanks @/carlostck). might be posting more for that atm but I tend to flip flop so just don't be surprised I guess.

art asks: OPEN!!! -> doodles, only coloured if I feel like it

send me any ask you'd like, whether snake or not :]

I speak English and German fluently and use tone indicators a lot and appreciate when people use them with me, too

messaging is allowed (and welcomed!!) but please don't take it personally if I don't respond or am awkward I'm horrible when it comes to keeping up conversations

✨specific tags✨can be found in the featured tags section but just in case:

art -> #cablart, #cable doodls

asks -> #asks, #anon ask, #art ask

Current (attempted) project is under #archie cover series where I draw cover pictures for various sth archie issues (whether out of free will I am not so sure anymore)

Drawing app? Procreate.

and that's all, I think. Thanks for stopping by, I hope you can stay for a while!!!

Edit: made an interests board I guess?? Imagine this as my brain like 24/7.

There’s more but I didnt want it to feel too overstimulating, which I’m sure it already does.

Cheers 💙

[ssshiversss]

DISCO ELYSIUM FAN BLOG Dedicated to fanart I make & fan content I like Find me on AO3 and Bluesky (18+) ----- About - 34 y/o • he/him/they • mlm + demiace - FanArtist & FicWriter - Pro-Kink • Smut Pro • Unrepentant Multishipper

I am eternally at the whims of my muse and at the behest of the voices in my head! Consistency? I don't know her.

-----

Blog Tags:

#my art - self explanatory #my writing - also self explanatory #disco gallery - art that inspires me #disco after dark - suggestive or nsft art #de animation - amazing fan animations #de comics - amazing fan comics #de dialogue - both screenshots & audio #de fic recs - fics I or others recommend #de lore - both canon and fanon #de meta - discussions of the game itself #de resources - resources for art and writing #de sceenshots - in-game screenshots #genderqueer hdb - what it says on the tin #the homosexual underground - gay gay gay -----

Hello! You can call me Shivers (or Topsy). This pinned post is as much for my own benefit (blog navigation) as it is an introduction post. - I'm a hobby artist and hobby writer - I typically don't take commissions or like to monetize my art because it sucks the joy out of it for me. This is just what I do for fun. - I block anyone whose vibe I don't like. I especially block people who make hating Jean Vicquemare their entire goddamn personality. - I'm here for a good time! I like chatting, I like art trades, I like being a part of a community. - Please no minors. I don't care if you follow me, just don't reach out or try to befriend me. As much as I'd love to be able to converse with the teens and be a normal fucking decent person, online culture has (historically) made that impossible. Sorry it has to be that way. - I have OSDD and the only reason that'll ever be relevant is because sometimes I blog about plurality in relation to Harry Du Bois. (This is also why my tone might vary wildly from post to post). Do not message me about DID unless you're also a system/plural.

If you read all that, THANKS FOR READING! Enjoy my blog.

[darethshirl]

also. can I just say. as cool and sexy as Veilguard!Solas is I have to point out that he just doesnt come off as very smart in this game. like we've spent years in fandom purgatory going all "oooh I wonder what Solas's super secret super clever plans for da4 are!! how is he gonna deal with the Evanuris???"

and apparently his plan was to basically take the gods out of their prison and... put them in different, smaller and shittier prison. lmao. even tho the first time solas created the OG prison he broke the world and everything went to shit, and current solas's power is nowhere near the level of his pre-veil self. its fine you guys!! he's just going to pull the exact same heist twice!!! no one will be expecting that

and then to add insult to injury he falls into his own trap and gets stuck in his own jail cell. my dude come on youre the trickster god YOU are supposed to be doing this to OTHERS get with the program!!

[s1arco]

editing my ref post into an introduction/info post :3

TL:DR: queer, multifandom+OC, furry, 18+, pro-kink, antiship, para-complicated, checks reblogs+follows

Hey, my name's Nico!

You can also call me Tempo, my fursona's name

I'm a bisexual transmasc, polyamorous (with one perfect bf currently!) and use he/they/galaxy/star

I'm a 19 y/o furry artist! This is a multifandom blog, so things will change as I switch hyperfixations. Because of how much things change, always feel free to unfollow!

I MIGHT SAY SLURS I CAN RECLAIM, UNCENSORED! Please either make sure those slurs are in your blocklist before following, or don't follow if you're uncomfortable with that! The slurs I say are f/g, f/ggot, and tr/nny (I censored it now just because this is my intro post)

I like to post fandom stuff, mostly fandom OCs, with occasional ship art, fanart and fandomless OCs, plus reblogs of just whatever I want! I do not check profiles before liking/reblogging posts, nor do I expect others to check before liking/reblogging mine

#my art - Any art of mine. WIPs will be excluded

#WIP - WIPs of any art

#doodle and #sketch - Art doodles, I always forget which to use

#saving - Any posts that I'm saving. About half of it might be useful

#not my ship - Reblogged art that I like, but where I don't personally ship the ship shown

This is my fursona, Tempo! They're nonbinary, bi and poly! They also double as my main Hazbin/Helluva OC, but those are two different versions of them (the main differences being that the Hellaverse version is a worse person and the fursona version is not drug-addicted). They are NOT my Hellsona -- I don't have a Hellsona!

(I'm not sure if anyone will make any but) fanart of them and my OCs are always welcome! Just @ me so I can see please! Also ask about ship art! I love ship art but I just wanna know who it's of so it's not adult/child or clashing with their sexualities or anything! (Most characters are bi/pan but a few are gay or even straight)

OCs can be found on my Toyhou.se, along with designs for trade

This is an 18+ blog! While not everything I post is sexy or kinky, some of it is, and that's not stuff I want minors interacting with

Whenever people follow me or reblog my sexual posts, I check their profile to see if they're a minor. If they are a minor, then follow = I ask them to unfollow, and reblog = block

I don't check any likes, or the age of rebloggers on my SFW posts. Checking every like I get, even just on sexual posts, would be too time-consuming, and I don't mind if minors interact with my SFW posts

This blog is

Multiship -- often ships characters in multiple relationships, either with the characters polyamorous or in separate AUs

Antiship -- views the positive portrayal of abusive relationships as immoral and unhealthy, for both the viewers and creators. Antiship ≠ pro-harassment

Pro-kink -- supports people into weird stuff, as long as they're not harming anyone

I check all reblogs and follows to see if the people interacting are proship or proship-adjacent. This is just to ensure that my stuff doesn't start getting recommended to more people along those lines, since they're not people I want regularly interacting with my stuff or trying to chat with me. Any found will be blocked, and reblogs may be asked to be deleted if I decide

Loli/cub and feral NSFW are not kinks. Those are paraphilias, specifically pedophilia and zoophilia. DDLG/variants and petplay are kinks, since the subject is a consenting, roleplaying person, not a child or an animal

I do not believe in the immediate demonization of anyone with any paraphilia or paraphilic disorder. I believe that anyone with a paraphilic disorder or harmful paraphilia should speak to a mental health professional and get the help that they need without judgement or punishment for their problem(s). I believe that they should be judged on their words and actions (whether they've harmed anyone; whether they create, consume or promote abusive content; etc) rather than something that cannot be chosen -- as paraphilias cannot be chosen. People with harmless paraphilias should not be demonized or harassed. Due to the extremely wide ranges of opinions I found on both sides that could put this explanation on either side, this blog is labeled as neither propara nor antipara

I block freely, and I encourage you to block me, no matter the reason!

Now, have a good day :3

[laceykouture]

about me

────୨ৎ────

Im 14 y/o ୨୧

you can call me mari or mimi !

๋࣭⭑ I live in PA, usa

my fav music artists are taylor swift, phoebe bridgers, ethel cain, lana del rey, ariana grande, gracie abrams

I love all things pink, fluttershy, hello kitty, poetry, frappuccinos, n scrolling on pinterest ♡

looking for new friends n ppl to talk to !!!

ʚ this is a girl blog ɞ

[leaskisses444]

lea ੭ৎ | she/her | 4teen | april aries | infj-t | croatian | pinterest new acc | spotify | @starzyyy1 & @exyuontop | my taglist: click me! | my backup acc: @oceanbby555 | hopeless romantic (im just a girl) |

randoms ੭ৎ my band. music. writing. painting. reading. plants. cats. language learning (russian, latin, english, turkish, german & french). playing the only 3 songs i know how to play on my piano. journaling. making moodboards. pinterest-ing. winter. spring. working out. tea. candles. the seaside. star shaped things. fashion magazines (theyre so pretty, ok). nighttime. ribbons. anna sui bags and purses. perfume. italian food. spotify playlists. money. photo albums. good hair days. shopping !!!

music ੭ৎ the weeknd. arctic monkeys. isabel la rosa. artemas. montel fish. lana del rey. mazzy star. taylor swift. sabrina carpenter. guns n roses. nirvana. ramones. pink pantheress. beabadoobee. radiohead. deftones. tv girl. mitski. cigarettes after sex. childish gambino. steve lacy. tyler the creator. chase atlantic. the neighbourhood. beach house. marina. faye webster. fleetwood mac. suki waterhouse childish gambino. måneskin. eminem. ten tonnes. delights. clairo. bôa. boy pablo. joker out. buc kesidi. zabranjeno pusenje. prljavo kazaliste. crvena jabuka. bajaga & instruktori. <3

movies & shows ੭ৎ fight club. american pyscho. black swan. whiplash. fallen angels. pulp fiction. donnie darko. the sixth sense. grease. dirty dancing. pride and prejudice. 500 days of summer. jennifers body. amelie. perks of being a wallflower. diary of a whimpy kid rodrick rules. the edge of love. 10 things i hate about you. clueless. almost famous. the dreamers. a rainy day in ny. leon the proffesional. peaky blinders. dead poets society. atonement. pretty woman. friends. gilmore girls. criminal minds. seinfeld. wild child. marie antoinette. the love witch. red eye.

[mjjune]

ABOUT MJ

i'm mj! i write and occasionally give advice

writeblr est. 8/8/2022

i have a side blog dedicated to my friends' writing and other writing i like. click here. on this blog it is solely my writing.

tag games/ask games always open!

don't mind if minors follow me, but there will be intermittent adult content. interact at your own discretion.

i love: any kind of minority representation, fairytale/myth retellings, platonic soulmates, neurodivergent characters, enemies to [anything], and general suffering <3

most recent quarterly review here

if you want to support me you can tip me on ko-fi!

MY WRITING

i write a variety of genres, mostly fantasy. i like to blend genres. currently i have finished works in paranormal, urban fantasy, high fantasy, and fairytale retellings.

most of my stories explore complex relationships with gender and sexuality, marginalization/oppression, duty, familial and platonic relationships, nuanced morality, finding hope, and subverting expectations.

all my wips have a taglist! let me know if you want to be added

MASTERLIST PAGE // WIP CHEATSHEET // WIP INTROS // MY BETA ADVICE SERIES

main tags: #mj mumbles #answered #my snippets