#< but not entirely sarcastic

[everydayesterday]

am I just as terrible at social media as I am with social anything?  over the last 6 weeks or so, I’ve added 100+ followers [real ones; I block the fakes/blanks/porn bots], which brings me to ~1500 total.  and yet, it’s still the same small crew that likes and reblogs my posts and very occasionally comments.  

am I torturing myself by thinking that everyone interacts with others’ posts as much as I do (I have roughly 100,000 likes), and that I’m being left out because I have no charisma?  I sweat to the gods that I’m an interesting person once you get to know me.

[venacoeurva]

You know when you’re falling asleep and a random image or meme blips into your vision? Yeah

-Please do not reupload/edit/use without proper credit and linking back. Ask first.-

[hoosbandewan]

For kicks and giggles (and because HotD season two has been really getting on my nerves), I went through episodes 1-5 to see just how much screen time Aemond has gotten so far. You know, since he's a "main character" this season.

And, with only three episodes left, surely it's been a fair chunk of time. Surely he's had more screen time in five episodes than he did in three episodes last season?

Get ready because it's pretty diabolical.

Let me preface this with the fact that I was EXTREMELY generous when it came to counting Aemond's screen time. I included shots of the back of his head, shots where he's blurry and in the background, and shots where he's blurry, in the background, AND it's the back of his head. Even Ewan's hands and boots made it into the total count. Tiny CGI Aemond on the back of Vhagar is also in the mix.

Episode 1 158 seconds / 2.63 minutes (64 minutes total run time)

Episode 2 123 seconds / 2.05 minutes (72 minutes total run time)

Episode 3 96 seconds / 1.6 minutes (70 minutes total run time)

Episode 4 159 seconds / 2.65 minutes (56 minutes total run time)

Episode 5 168 seconds / 2.8 minutes (67 minutes total run time)

704 seconds = 11.73 minutes

For fun, let's compare this total to season one:

Ewan as Aemond had 13.50 minutes of screen time / 3 episodes Aemond altogether had 26.45 minutes of screen time / 6 episodes

I've seen more of Ewan doing press for this season than I have of Aemond in the actual show. And, as someone who was excited to see Ewan become part of the "main cast" and to see more of Aemond, I'm not happy.

Is "main character" Aemond in the room with us????

To be honest, I'm feeling pretty pissed off by the likes of Ryan Condal and whoever has been responsible for HotD press for pitching season two to Aemond/Ewan fans as a chance to see so much more of him. It seems, to me, like they've used Ewan's growing popularity to keep his fans watching only to deliver... this.

Ewan has, of course, been eating up every single second of the screen time he's been given. Talented king, this is no fault of yours <3

And... who knows... maybe episodes 6-8 will give us... oodles more Aemond screen time. She says through gritted teeth.

[kittarts]

whats your favorite head cannon that you’ve seen/that you have about coraline and wybie :3

Coraline isn’t the biggest fan of bugs or beetles, and YB has a bit of tism in him haha

[still-a-morosexual-help]

(I haven't played twst in months but if my memory is serving me right:)

Malleus tends to take most things very literally right? He takes the straightforward path, direct instruction without much consideration for anything else etc etc He's also not at all good with any type of """modern slang"""

MC, from what little they talk, uses a lot of sarcasm and snark right?

But also the two of them have canonically spent much more time together talking than we get to see and Malleus actively seeks them out to have conversations

So anyway;

MC gets used to adding what are basically irl tone indicators to the end of their sentences whenever it's needed. Just an offhand "i'm not serious/not literally"

And one day during their regular nightly walks Malleus is doing his pouty face because he's just come back from some meeting or another (that he actually attended for once) and sure it's great that his friend is thoughtful enough to always make sure he's following the conversation but there are times with all the other little humans where sometimes things just don't make sense. Not that he cares of course! It doesn't matter to him what they're talking about, he doesn't care if he's included or anything.....just... it'd be polite (that's it!) if he was included

Which is what he says when they ask why he seems upset (even though he's not upset! Really!)

And casually they say "well I'll just have to clear it up for you everyday then"

And now as far as Malleus is concerned they're engaged

[phoenixcatch7]

Okay you know what actually yeah. I was tired but I had a point.

Why. On earth. In zelda fics. Do people not shut up about everything being hylia's fault forever and ever.

Like, the one deity out of a dozen odd who got cursed into this right alongside Link. All the focus on one great all being power who then gets blamed or blessed for everything that ever happens. It's just... I don't know, it just seems like a culturally Christian thing. Not even that - American catholic.

Especially Legend omg when people write him he never shuts up about how everything bad that's ever happened to him is all hylia's fault and she's doing it on purpose with no thought to her poor beleagured hero. He sounds like someone who grew up in an American conservative household who turned out to be queer and never bothered to unpack any of it and acts like he's now atheist.

But even then you could do something interesting with that!! The common headcanon that Legend is hylian royalty - of course that family would put immense worth and worship on hylia as her descendants, she who founded their kingdom. And maybe legend could feel bitter about not inheriting the magic, or the throne, or whatever meant he grew up away from the castle. Give him some unexamined religious trauma! Heck, he could bond with Flora over disappointing your family's expectations or something! They could work on unpacking it together! If you must make it part of his character at least think about why!

Because that belief is wrong, because hylia is literally the one deity we can pretty safely understand is not all seeing, all knowing, all being.

Every time she has a voice, a role, we see her make mistakes or be tricked and have regrets.

Skyward sword, she's literally zelda. She's a young protective warrior goddess (she used a sword and lead armies to battle against demise) who was created by the Three to guard the triforce and keep watch over hyrules lands. By the time ss starts she's already made several tough calls, not limited to yoinking hylians into the sky. When she was zelda she hated every second of leading Link around and even then!! It all hinged on him being completely willing! He was never forced to do anything, she didn't even have her memories with the plan until after she'd fallen to the surface! Their relationship was entirely genuine and she very nearly overestimated her own willingness to go through with the plan! And even then she still managed to get kidnapped lmao. That's not what happens when you're in charge of fate.

And in botw and totk - she's in her full divine form, her full divine powers, she's ancient and magic and worshipped in every corner of the kingdom. And (spoilers!) she loses contact with one of her own mf statues. Not just any ten apples high chibi statue you see in the towns, no, it's The Big One. She's got no idea what happened to it, but she's (rightfully) worried, and asks Link to check it out. And in an entirely separate instance, her OTHER big statue in the ToT gets overridden!! By a triangle head! And ol creep in the deep is the one who releases the statue! It's been what 20k years of power and worship - if she's not all powerful then she never will be.

Hyrule - every hyrule - is very, very polytheistic. She's not even a goddess of time to be in charge of stuff like that! There's multiple of them: Naryu, Cia (and Lana), Farosh to an extent, and many artifacts that can cause time travel, like the harp of ages, the ocarina, the big portal in ss, those time shift stones in the same game, the statue in wind waker. Please stop treating her like the magic elf equivalent of Monotheistic American Christianity God.

She was introduced in skyward sword. The game that came out before botw. She did not exist in any of the games that came before that. There was a lake hylia! In the kingdom hyrule! That's it! Her name or even existence wasn't even hinted at before that. It's actually canonically pretty unlikely any of the chain (cough cough legend) have even heard of her! And her assigned job is protector of the triforce. That's it. And she can't even use the thing. She can very explicitly as a main driving force of the ss plot not use the triforce she protects. And the triforce, shockingly, is not even in every game.

Cases that hylia often gets the most flack for (links awakening and all the trauma from that, Link failing in botw, the events of totk) hylia has absolutely zero part in. Hilariously. And she has zero power over wishes made to the triforce or who makes those wishes or what the triforce does about it.

She even gets all the blame for the cycle of the hero, the reincarnation! Which? We know exactly how that happened. Blaming her for a curse she herself is a victim to?? Demise, in skyward sword, explicitly, on screen, doing it ON PURPOSE, cursing the spirit of the hero and the blood of the goddess.

Hylia, I don't know if you've noticed, also has her own blood. Whether or not she lost that blood upon return to her divine form, she still couldn't break the curse. Link, spirit now tied to whatever demise had cooking up, is basically to reincarnate in time for whenever the Interesting Times happen. And it's demise's fault, who, again, did it on screen, on purpose, explicitly, pointing at the camera with text bolded and everything.

So why do people even blame her? I think it comes down to this:

Her name matches the kingdom. Whatever her connection to the people with the same name, I don't know, but she did found the surface kingdom as a mortal. Being named zelda at the time I wonder who chose the name XD!

Her worship in botk as a high ranking deity. Again, not monotheistic, there's temples to the Three and there's Malanya and Satori and the great fairies and the yiga worship ganon, but hylia is the most widespread for all she's basically a side character working for the new heart piece situation. Again, this is only the case in ss/botk, she doesn't appear in even aoc.

A misguided belief spread in fanfiction that in linked universe, hylia is the one opening and controlling the portals. To my knowledge, lu canon is that the portals are opened by dark link, or at least that's the working theory. I think it's assumed that hylia is the one who gathered the heroes together to combat it? If that's true? Congratulations! We have one (very plot necessary) act of hers in a fan comic. That is not canon to The Legend Of Zelda series.

An american Christian (I hesitate to say evangelican?) cultural understanding of religion. The differences between polytheism and monotheism. How one might feel if the divine was proven real on earth. Zelda is a Japanese property, it is not a Christian country. Though it draws aesthetic inspiration from western medieval fantasy it is not and never will be culturally western. The majority of ao3/tumblr users are American or at least English speaking, and that will always affect interpretation. It's giving 'be thankful to God no matter what for he always has a plan. Trust in him and your suffering will be rewarded' which is not a universal religious belief.

Something I've noticed to be surprisingly common in fandom, is where a mentor or figure of authority who is anything less than perfect or all forgiving can very quickly have their reputation ripped to shreds by the fandom. And then newer authors come, read those works, internalise that about the characters and produce new works that assume that character's cruelty to be par for the course. I will not be listing those characters or fandoms for a variety of reasons lol. But it is amazingly common and very hard to untangle, especially in larger fandoms. It's character bashing in a way near identical to cancelling people irl. It's not 'giving them depth' or 'making it more realistic' (grittier equalling realism is an ice cold take proliferated by dudebro comic authors and wrong besides.) Have some critical thinking.

Lately, I've also been running into a great many fics (not so much comics) that make hylia do some fairly heinous stuff... And then unironically blame her for it. They do remember they're the ones deciding what the characters do, right? She's not an abusive master playing with her puppets until they break, she's quite the opposite! Use the right tags (dark hylia/ooc characters/character bashing/author made them do it, idk) or dial it back. This is a growing percentage of fics and I'll never restrict content but yanno, if you're going to make hylia evil or manipulative at least understand it's a canon deviation (and do something interesting with it, I once read an amazing botw fic with evil hylia and fierce deity!).

TLDR, To summarise, hylia is canonically incapable both emotionally and physically of doing the majority of things characters in fics blame her for. Stop using her as a scapegoat especially when demise is right there. Please give your whumpees deeper characterisation than hating on hylia. Please give legend deeper characterisation than hating on hylia every time he or someone else is sad. Please remember wild can talk to hylia if he wants. Please double check anything you're not sure about :D!

[zhmoelz]

this is gonna be such a bog standard joelguy post but anyone ever think about how so many of joels recent-ish duos are so. snappy. comparing him to fire is overdone but whenever he's with someone they legitimately do just get on like a house on fire. every dynamic he's in they're always just biting at each other. pearl iskall gem etho shane fwhip even sausage to an extent. not to mention jimmy oli lizzie and scott. what is his Deal

[nahare-shin]

I’d like to thank the Buu saga for having some of the funniest shots I’ve ever seen in my life.

[theatreslave]

I fully need you all to realize

in another universe, each and every one of us, is making Severus Snape stutter and blush.

[theostrophywife]

stiles stilinski girlies 🤝 theodore nott girlies = bonding over having immaculate taste in men

[bonefall]

LITERALLY like its people discussing the characters as living people and not plot tools. no matter what mapleshade did her kits would die because the plot NEEDS them to die. they were doomed the second they were out of camp lol

(i would say the bridge route would probably just have the kits succumb to hypothermia from being out in leaffall rain though, given how fragile kittens are. then people would whine about how she didnt take the faster route. also also doesnt getting to the bridge require crossing the stream near fourtrees, which is also capable of flooding. like fireheart almost dies there in one book. i just checked the map again and it looms like you need to hop the stream to get there)

From what I understand of that particular creek, it's a "syke." A syke is a seasonal stream fed by extra rain, floodwater, and snowmelt, usually only seen in spring and early autumn. A syke is also called a "bourne" further south in England.

So the syke could be active because of the extra flooding, yeah. Which would make it dangerous to take that detour. Mapleshade on her 4th playthrough of MV trying to get 100% completion so she takes the long way around, only for the plot wave to follow her all the way down there too lmao. SYKE!

[butchvamp]

i had time to play a decent amount today and actually further the main quest & companion quests and. i dont have anything eloquent to say this time and im not feeling generous anymore... taash's writing sucks dogshit

[dearmaria-youknowwhattodo]

My favorite thing about this show is how everything can be going so so so so so good and then one character shows up and ruins everything for the rest of our characters but you can’t like be annoyed at him because from his view it makes totally since why he did that. Literally my favorite thing. Everything’s going great oh here comes the last character! and.. uh oh. oh. oh nooo.

[writer-room]

I would never actually want Morro to make a return, because good lord let the boy rest I beg, but unironically I think the comedy potential of Morro as a ghost hanging around Euphrasia is insanely underused.

Imagine yourself as Euphrasia: an introverted, quiet kid, who just writes about destiny and listens to the big bosses on their high horses. Now enter Hot Topics most reliable customer since 2015 with daddy issues and a inferiority complex hovering over your shoulder.

Morro is the demon hissing for the souls of the innocent while Euphrasia just wants a bagel. Regularly blows over stacks of very important papers because he was bored. Will not shut the fuck up about how she should go fistfight the guy who sneered at her the other day. Sends in the mother of all hurricanes when someone looks even a little disappointed at Euphrasia. Gets increasingly more violent with the ways he could totally kill someone when she keeps ignoring him. I think anyone would snap and get at least a little more confident with their snark when they have to put down bullshit like that every day.

The downside to this is that Euphrasia has to, you know, deal with Morro. The upside is that she has the full ability to hit him with a "I think somethings, like, wrong with you" in a half-sarcastic half-nervously-genuine way, and it'd destroy Morro so bad he has to sulk in the Departed Realm for a week with his emo music. He might be helping Euphrasia's ego, but his own is getting yanked back down by the ankles, kicking and screaming, whether he likes it or not.

[cybertron-smash-or-pass]

Cyberverse Lockdown

[gracieblood]

@ask-mischabachinski block me pls