#< I’m busy as fuck though
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The Gabriel hyperfix is NOT leaving so I’m dumping a lot of my pieces of him here, him in his rage form I drew yesterday. I was testing out a new brush and really liked it lol 💫
#ultrakill art#gabriel ultrakill#ultrakill fanart#ultrakill#gabriel fanart#fanart#my artwork#my art#my attempt at art#my fanart#my art stuff#my art <3#artwork#digital art#original art#arts#I should really do more serious pieces#< I’m busy as fuck though#watch my next post be about gabv1el
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snow over cold wires / nerine sarniensis
#scanned a file folder of old drawings and symbols that I was making during overnight shifts at a job that I really hated#I’m fucking w/ them digitally rn while my mind sorts itself; more otw probably#life is busy but the Itch remains in the back of my mind. It’s been frustrating me lately though#my desire to create has outpaced my skills. I want to learn more; practice new things — so difficult parsing out where to place my attention#can someone smart teach me how to articulate my desire for growth. so I can make a plan or smthn#but tbh I’d need to be independently wealthy or a very smart 10 year old to have the time to commit to learning new skills#*multi-facted* new skills tbf#my art#glitch art#aesthetic#art#artwork#webcore#internetcore#glitchcore#abstract#artists on tumblr
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Tumble should also know that I’ve got a girlfriend and I love her very much
#do not fucking tell her that I’m up rn bc I’m always getting onto her about staying up late#anyways its 2am and I love her very much#I have a hard time articulating how I feel and it’s my business not yours#BUT#she’s so sweet and funny and gets me in a way that no one I’ve every met in my entire life has#it’s as though we were made in the same mold by different chefs#anywayyyssssss I want to kiss her so bad it’s making me actually I’ll#explodes and tries to go to sleep (failing)#ily Wiitty
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Not to get personal but I think the reason princess tutu stuck with me for so long after watching it is like. As someone with low self esteem and abandonment issues seeing our hero hate who she is at her core only to make a friend who not only tolerated her “ugly” side but is so so deeply charmed by who she is under the mask that he wants to spend the rest of his life with her no strings attached? That’s the fucking DREAM
It’s the fantasy of having someone who loves you even when you’ve stopped being useful, when you can’t be funny or interesting or any of the traits you try to cultivate to make yourself more palatable to others. It’s the fantasy of having someone see to the core of you and not flinching, instead, coming away more endeared than before.
Princess Tutu is about hope. When Duck, our hero who brings hope to everyone, falls into despair, her best friend is there to bring hope back to her. And I think it says something that hope is the emotion the show leaves me with too. Hope for a better future. Hope that one day, like Duck, I’ll grow out of the ugly duckling phase and be able to embrace my true self.
#it is 2 in the morning and I can’t sleep#this one is ok to reblog if it resonates#but who knows I don’t know if anyone feels the same way#anyways yippeeeee one of my friends just stopped texting me back#I know she’s busy and she has new friends and she’s moving on with her life#still hurts though#I thought she was a real friend but I’m so bad at judging these things#anyways these are sleepy girl rambles#need a crazy bitch like fakir in my life ASAP#I feel like one true friend who’s there no matter what could fix me#but I feel like as the therapist friend everyone expects me to help them with their problems#and when I stop being helpful and have problems of my own that’s when they leave#and you gotta say fuck em and move on but it’s hard#lea talks
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did you hear about what Martin said about Susan and Linda on the Twitter space he hosted on the 27th? i thought of you instantly when he started talking about them and have been waiting for you to post your thoughts! :-)
HEHE YES IM THE ONE WHO’S QUESTION LED TO THAT!!!!!
Now for those who didn’t listen to that space, Martin said that Linda called her to say goodbye but never specified how it went of course. Besides “hey Susan I’m leaving sorry this is really impacting my mental health” “gaaaaaaaaaaey”/j
This is all a personal headcanon but I like to think that their friendship grew incredibly distant ever since Linda married Felix, Susan probably stopped talking to her altogether for a while and it would leave Linda very confused and upset. They might’ve started talking to eachother again a little bit as the series of events began to approach but only very brief small talk, maybe Linda complaining a little and giving Susan a few life updates and them both talking about stuff they’ve been noticing with others lately (especially Felix’s drinking), but nothing deeper than that.
I see Susan being extremely emotionally closed off to most people except maybe a select few that she knows very closely, so if you were to ask her what’s going on in her life she’d give you a very vaguely watered down version and not what’s actually going on or how she’s really managing herself emotionally.
So basically she used to be more open with Linda, but during that period she sort of just started treating her like a stranger.
So when Linda called her first to tell her that she’s finally leaving, Susan acted how she usually would, keeping it calm, understanding and respectful and wishing her luck, but she won’t really show any more than that. Or that she cried later and felt pretty bad that they couldn’t be so close anymore and that she’ll probably never be able to make up for herself acting so distant for the past many years again.
Of course this all comes from how I view Susan as a character myself though and also the fact that I refuse to pass up the idea that she has feelings for Linda. I like to think that she introduced her to Felix cuz Linda was getting more desperate to find a relationship and Susan was getting weird thoughts so in a panic she shoved her off to him so she could avoid the urges. They’ve been boiling within her since highschool and she always was able to push them aside or excuse them as “she’s just my very close friend I don’t have many close friends so she feels extra special” and as the years went by they began distracting her a lot from her work and were growing stronger and more unavoidable aaand they were really beginning to affect how she’d interact with Linda and you see Susan hates feeling like another has any control over her and Linda just wouldn’t shut up about hooooow badly she wants a relationship and hoooow many dates keep failing and Susan was at the point to where she was starting to get the kind of dreams that make you stare up at the ceiling in horror when you open your eyes in the morning so one day when she overheard Felix speaking about being single and wanting to start looking around, she decided to introduce her to him. Susan allegedly never finds a problem she can’t fix in some way so that was her solution.
They hit it off, Susan’s solution isn’t working for some reason cuz she doesn’t feel any relief at all and in fact feels worse but just sucks it up and just focuses on her work and looks the other way. Linda and Felix get married, Susan feels like throwing up the entire day and now feels somehow even more worse by now and suddenly whenever Linda wants to chat she’s suddenly always “busy” every time. Susan’s often busy anyways but you know yourself when there’s a difference between “shit I’m busy that day, let’s do Sunday instead” and “Sorry I can’t, I’m busy”, “I don’t know when I’ll be available.”
While Linda and Felix were dating, Susan probably assumed that she was just jealous that she couldn’t have a little fun at her age herself. When they got married, Susan told herself that she’s probably so depressed over it cuz it’s making her feel like she’s fallen behind others her age and that maybe she feels bitter that all of these people are moving on and going through these important life stages while she remains behind. Which made no sense otherwise cuz Susan couldn’t give any less of a fuck about starting any sort of family or going out. But that’s what Susan would tell herself that she feels so she wouldn’t have to think about it any further. By the time Susan thinks she’s over whatever it was, she begins having brief talks with Linda occasionally. Not often and still a bit distant, but way better than before.
So yeah can you imagine how shitty and guilty Susan felt that whole time of her weird bitterness toward Linda being in a relationship and not being able to approach her much anymore or how Felix turned out to be such a shitty husband.
If this headcanon is aligned with twf’s canon, she’d probably be dead before she even gets to actually acknowledge and accept her feelings as they are. Such is life though. Not like she could’ve done anything about it.
#tldr Susan is emotionally stunted as fuck and has no idea how to identify her emotions and struggles a lot with strong emotions. she’s the#poor bastard type to stand there light a deer in headlights whenever someone cries around her#you ask her how she feels and she doesn’t react on the outside and is like ‘it’s cool’ but deep down she’s falling to her knees and crying#plus she’s a busy woman and got no time for gay shit like pining#idk if u wanted that whole hc ramble but take it anyways (˘◡˘)#it’s cool that you thought of me though!!! means a lot I like it when I’m the first someone thinks of when it comes to susan Woodings :^)#now if you’ll excuse me my sleep gummy is kicking in#the walten files#twf#sulinda#twf sulinda#twf susan x linda#the walten files susan x linda#linda thompson#susan Woodings#headcanons#I remember after Martin announced them being school friends and that Susan introduced her to Felix I made a post mentioning how I see her#haven done that to push Linda away so she could avoid her attraction fo her and how that blew up in her face lol#and he liked the post heehee obv I know that that doesn’t mean it’s canon but it is to me 😁😁😁😁🌼#i stg if this is incomprehensible to read#I’m too tired to proofread and I just wanna post this lol
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I am, predictably, becoming not normal about Rand Al’ Thor
#I’m still early in the series I’m sorry if I fucked up#im busy and these books are long.#very good though ! having a great time#wheel of time#rand al'thor#my art
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Here’s one of the drawings from the poll
#I’m gonna work on the speedwagon drawing soon#i’ve been kinda busy though so it might be awhile#johnny joestar#jjba part 7#jjba fanart#jojo's bizarre adventure#digital art#FUCK i forgot to give him freckles guys the post is CANCELED
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took a while but here’s drummer and naomi
#i was gonna do amos as well#but it was taking so long#so that’s why the composition looks kinda funny#i’m still gonna do amos#but he’s gonna get his own study#sorry this took like 2 weeks#i suddenly got pretty busy#plus for some reason i decided it would be a good time to quit smoking#and nicotine withdrawal is a bitch#turns out i was very addicted#it drained all my motivation#don’t smoke kids#the expanse#camina drummer#naomi nagata#also i was right naomi’s hair was fucking difficult to draw#it’s gorgeous though#i don’t love her hair when she joins drummer on the behemoth icl#but those first two seasons#omg#beautiful
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Ya girl is officially medicated now and hopefully will be pussy fresh moving forward 🫡
#I feel like I’ve just taken a shop vac to the sludge in my brain#don’t worry though I’m still mentally ill enough to write good fanfic#kind of devastated that I’m busy all weekend though#because if I wasn’t#booooy I would write the fuck out of my fic chapter#and my mom is gonna be with me on the long drive on sunday#I usually spend long drives dictating writing ideas with speech to text#but uhhh won’t be doing that in front of my mom#me: ‘hey siri add corvo jerks off while being haunted by the mistakes of his past to my writing ideas note’#my mom: 😐#clark barks
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Jujutsu and Kaisen from Fortnite
#been busy working on comms… wanted to get this little doodle in before school starts though#before any smartasses try to correct me yes I know their names I’m fucking joking#also who want to PayPal me 50€ for a yuji figurine <3 (JOKE)#doodle#jujutsu kaisen
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goddddd
#one of my fav d&d games is run by someone who has. different opinions about stuff than me#i really enjoy the game and don’t want to lose it.#but this fucker keeps dabbling in AI art shit#and just added an AI art bot to the server#major fucking ick nasty yuck#I’m gonna try to just shut the fuck up and mind my business#but god i hate it#ohhhh it’s so tempting to put barf and thumbs down reacts though#UGH#ograt
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today on f.naf things i'm mad certainly weren't intentional so i sound insane for talking about it: the town being called hurricane
#hi. writing bio.#it's a real place it exists (though i don't use that as a rigid basis for what the fnaf version HAS to be) i know scott probably just threw#a dart at a map of utah. but COME ON#a storm chaos destruction tragedy SPECIFICALLY with a period where everything is MISLEADINGLY calm content peaceful#Between the destruction specifically. the knowledge of what has happened and what will likely come not necessarily#changing the false reassurance of the calm. coexisting suffering and respite.#like HELLO aftons. the locations ITSELF as an entertainment business. old and current narratives#IT'S ALL ABOUT FUCKING CYCLES. HE DIDNT INTEND THIS. I SOUND INSANE!!!!!!#⁂ ・゚: i was looking for a job‚ and then i found a job‚ and heaven knows i’m miserable now ➛ ooc
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just thought about having to do long distance over summer
#actually insane to go from having our own apartments and being able to whatever tf we want to living with our fucking parents#and having to like .#deal with all that. and even slightly having to factor parents into what i do……#not that my mom can tell me anything but like when they visit i’m not about to do anything with my sister and mom in the next room 😭#they should invent a going home for the summer that doesn’t involve living with your mom#not even bc of My Mom just like wow what a staggering loss of independence even though she’s chill#and i’m still an adult with full agency in every way that matters . just annoying#and don’t get me started on my dad like the fact that i pretty much have to tell him makes me SICK bc of how much it’s not his business#but it is in a certain way and i’m more annoyed than anything bc i don’t care enough to hide them from him but i’m like this is in no way#this man’s business …. go away
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Do you ever phrase something in a specific way and realize Christ above I’ve got a case of the tumblr and it’s terminal?
#playin Disney dreamlight valley#and instead of saying I’m playing a video game like a normal person#if I wish to announce I am playing the game#I say I’m busy sucking Walt Disney’s cryogenically frozen dick#god I hate Disney but the game is fun#shall not be spending money on it though fuck Disney#but not like that :/#lea talks#nsft#for the tags
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i feel like i’ve been WAITING for the other shoe to drop wrt people’s opinions about watcher for this very reason. not that i think the reaction is completely not understandable but the greater the parasocial relationship, the greater the fallout as soon as public opinion shifts. you don’t have a relationship with these people they’re just content creators, chill
#ready to see all the people coming out of the woodwork to say how they’ve never liked watcher/unsolved/etc#and act like it’s ‘cringe’ now that their fanbase feels ‘betrayed’#it’s great to have a fanbase but parasocial relationships will bite you in the ass every single time#it’s interesting too though because i’ve seen watcher have a LOT of support as they’ve tried to build something separate from buzzfeed#so this is the first time they’re getting real pushback about a decision they’ve made wrt shifting their platform/expanding their brand#so ig we’ll have to see how they react moving forward#but it’s soooo interesting to see how enthusiastically people dump on buzzfeed#AND how many people dump on youtube and how over the years so much of its functionality has been stripped away#how many ads you have to sit through. how much sponsored content there is now. etc#but when they try to do the same thing with youtube that they did with buzzfeed it’s like how dare you not lick their boots#because if you lick their boots and we lick their boots we can watch stuff for free#anyway.#even if you don’t any to say it’s a bad business decision. it’s not like there’s not precedent for it#1) the move away from buzzfeed was successful and 2) what about the dnd shows or whatever#don’t you guys watch those dnd shows that are ‘behind a paywall’#don’t you guys have netflix hulu disney hbo amazon etc ad nauseum that are actually owned by billion dollar corporations#don’t you guys get on your high horses about supporting independent artists all the time#it’s interesting that people will profess to be such big fans!!! and feel like they’re friends!!!!#but how dare they think their work might be worth paying for#idk. idk. it’s entitlement though#sorry for the rant i’m ALSO not trying to blindly defend a bunch of people i don’t know#but you guys are being soooo fucking annoying about it lol#anyway i’m still waiting to see what their response is going to be from here before jumping to conclusions#also to be fair i am biased to be lenient about decisions made by independent filmmakers vs big studios etc#like everybody freaking out about the ai art used in late night with the devil. who cares honestly#‘they should’ve paid a real artist!!’ idk maybe their budget didn’t cover that#i don’t want it to become the industry norm but at the end of the day i would rather see indie shit getting made then only seeing#the big studios (who don’t have equitable practices anyway!!) making shit#but that’s another conversation. just to be transparent about my viewpoint on this kind of thing#maybe controversial but also can’t we have nuance. for once.
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writing fluff is so hard esp for a character you haven’t written for before + other characters in the fic 😭
#satoru i’m abt to get real acquainted w you in this fic#so far it just all sounds v corny and not at all like how satoru sounds so i need to rework everything#also it’s so hard to segue into another part of the fic or just another paragraph for me so i need to practice FLOW#and NOT make it choppy/clunky#and i also have to find voices for tsumiki & megumi 😭 miki’s is pretty easy she’s sweet & playfully teasing#wanna make megs adorable yet slightly grumpy bc i know he’s mature but i still want a childish vibe for him hmmmm#i’m actually… SURPRISNGLY. having a LOT of trouble w the ‘reader’ themselves#i just can’t seem to find their dynamic w each character yet… hmmmmmm#y’know what i may have to do… keep the beginning part but scrap everything else and start fresh#sighhhhhhhh.#i’m willing to do that though bc this story so far isn’t hitting the way i want it to#and i love the Premise of the fic a lot and want to do it TOTAL justice#like it’s serious business to me 😭 i don’t play around when it comes to this omfg like i HAVE FUN but i want it to be decently written too#gonna need to insert more personality to each character + their DIALOGUE TOO omg dialogue is so fucking hard & speech tags are so blegh#i actually might dream on it tonight and imagine how it would realistically play out in my head and then go back to fic writing#yeah i’ll do that it’s 9:30 pm rn basically so i’ll just dream on it 😭#personal
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