#I have a hard time articulating how I feel and it’s my business not yours

[kumatm]

Tumble should also know that I’ve got a girlfriend and I love her very much

[ja3yun]

i am on a jay bender and have been obsessed more and more as the days go by. what do u think would he be like as a bf? 🥹

jay has been bias wrecking me like crazy and this will not be good for my health but lets go: again there is smut so mdni!!

jake vers. | sunghoon vers. | heeseung vers.

first and foremost, he is putting his soul effort into you from the moment of your first date. when he is looking for a girlfriend, its a long term deal, not a fling or a quick summer romance. jay dates to marry. it can come across a bit 'whoa' but listen, he wouldn't be overbearing about it! he just wants to know that when he finds a partner that the effort he puts in will be worth jt.

dates when you're in the talking stages/getting to know will be very thought out, each detail will be meticulously planned based on your interests. he would love taking you to museums, dinner, camping, i think any date in which he could sit down and speak to you would be ideal for him. jay values connection over everything else so getting to know you during these dates and momentsnare crucial.

once you are in a relationship he is all you could ever ask for!! he is supportive, loving, affectionate, headstrong, and everything in between. i can see him really working hard to maintain a positive and steady paced relationship. he won't rush into things, knowing that the relationship has infinite time to blossom and develop - it's like a good meal, you don't scoff it down but savour it.

although steady, he is affectionate and always with you any chance he gets. jay is sooo romantic, more romantic than any of the others. his heart is so big that he has infinite love to give you, he will work you around his schedule, no matter how tired, he will always make time out of his busy day to see you. if he is on tour or really can't see you for whatever reason, he is facetiming you or calling you.

more under cut

when he comes to visit you, this might be controversial bc a lot of people don't see him as a yapper but i think he tells you everything about his day, particularly how he felt about everything (tired, excited, whatever). i think he would feel so comfortable with you and trust you so much that he confides in you about everything. i do think he would hold some things back, just as a way not to worry you - like his knee, i think he would play it off as no big deal even if it hurt really bad that day; worrying you isn't on his list.

jay is so used to looking after others and independent that he is either going to go two ways: babying you or asking to be babied. if its the first one, i think it comes second nature to him, he would look after you and make a fuss, doing acts of service like tying your laces when they come undone, making sure you don't go overboard when drinking (i need him for that), and generally care about your well being. OR he is going to come to you to be looked after. he would want a partner sensitive to his feelings, someone who can have open conversations about them and validate him. something about him tells me that he likes to be pampered by his partner; sharing baths where you cuddle and wash him, massages, make him dinner when he has had a long schedule, i do think he would love a face mask night in w you. its all about give and take with him, but he definitely loves to give a lot more.

as i've mentioned, he is headstrong and has core values. if you don't allign, he will literally try and persuade you to see his side of things. he loves to argue and debate, not in a mean or offputting way but rather in a 'i have this opinion, tell me yours and we'll discuss it' kind of way. loves to learn and expand his mind regarding knowledge so if you are knowledgeable about the world or certain things, he would love to listen and learn, possibly going as far as researching the topic on his own time. again though, you aren't changing his mind on his values but he will understand your point if you share them in an articulate manner. if you respect his opinin, he will respect yours!

it is obvious but he is cooking for you!!! he will prepare your favourite meals and also let you venture something knew. he doesn't always like to do it on his own though and will set up fun little 'cooking classes' to teach you. he can be a bit bossy but it looks hot on him so you never mind it. you will buy him silly kitchen gags like 'kiss the chef' apron etc. which he hates but he wears because it makes you laugh.

will also play guitar on quiet nights in, just as backing music, not to impress you or gain attention. he would just strum the guitar while you read or whatever you like to do. it will be the backingtrack to your conversation and i think he would cherish the calm and easiness in the air.

you must get along with his family. no question about it, he is so close to them that if they didn't like you, it would really impact your relationship. i think he would try and persuade his parents and try his absolute hardest to help you all get along; he might plan meals or day trips with you all to bond you. same goes for your family, whatever parental/guardian/sibling you have, he wants to impress them and get along with them. he is a family man through and through.

speaking of which, would talk marriage and kids with you quite early on, just to establish if this is something you are wanting. i think for sure marriage has to be on the table but kids are a tricky one, i feel like he understands that it is you who would be carrying the child/or/adoption would always be a choice. it can't just be his decision, he loves you so much that he would settle for being an uncle rather than a dad if you truly didn't want children (please be real core <3)

kisses: i think he loves to kiss you but not randomly, like he won't grab your wrist and spin you around to lay a smooch, he is the type to nuzzle your nose and tell you how beautiful you look. his kisses are soft and gentle, his tongue tender against yours as he devours you completely. hands ALL OVER your body when he kisses, loves to feel you on his finger tips. secretly, along with quality time and gift giving, i think physical touch is a love language for him.

bowchikawowow: rough and sensual. jay is going to do everything you like because as your relationship grows, he is going to make sure that he knows every little pleasure point on your body. LOVES to hear you moan and encourages it. 'let me hear you, baby' and 'do you like that?' are constant sentences in the bedroom. doesn't do quickies, likes to go for as long as possible. he is terrible for edging you, pushing you to the edge of tears while he withdraws his touch, his smirk would be plastered on his face. he would tell you how good you are for him, 'just a little more, my baby can handle that, right?' and ofc you would say yes!! kisses all over your body, lips all over your chest and tummy, loves to just feel you (again, physical touch).

aftercare is so important to him but i think because he already likes to look after you, it would be so normal. makes you tea, kisses and cuddles, words of affection and admiration; whatever you need, he will do it!

again, these are my opinion and if you disagree you are more than welcome to let me know what you think!! i love hearing opinons 🙏🏻

[bambi-slxt]

🤍𝐍𝐨𝐨𝐝𝐥𝐞𝐬, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐨 𝐌𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐦🤍

𝕔𝕙𝕣𝕚𝕤𝕥𝕠𝕡𝕙𝕖𝕣 𝕤𝕥𝕦𝕣𝕟𝕚𝕠𝕝𝕠 𝕩 𝕗𝕖𝕞!𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕖𝕣

word count: 1.9k

genre/tropes: romance, friends to lovers

summary: dating is hard, but maybe what i was looking for was easier than breathing...

warnings: none <3 pure fluff

notes from bambi: i tried a new format, what do we think? no usage of y/n, lowercase intentional, just a cutesy chris fic

busy?

nah wsp

can i come over

yeah fs, thought you said you were busy tn?

i'll explain when i get there 😵‍💫

see u soon kid 

-x-

“hey.” i let my bag sink onto the floor and threw myself across chris’s bed. 

“bro what, get off me!”

i grinned into his now-rumpled comforter. “make me.”

he snorted and yanked the covers out from under me, sending my legs flying. giggling, i stretched out over the far corner of his mattress. “thanks for letting me come over.”

“no problem. what's goin’ on?” chris had already halfway shut his laptop screen, giving me his attention. the soft pants i had bought him for christmas hung loose around his legs, one of which was pulled up at the knee. in lieu of a shirt, the towel from his shower lay draped over his shoulders. chris’s hair, dark from the water he refused to blow-dry out, stuck to his forehead in a very unflattering pattern. i tried to tell myself that, anyway.

“i was supposed to go on a date tonight,” i answered, staring at the ceiling. covered in those glow in the dark stars and planets people used to buy for their kids, it reminded me of the day chris begged for help putting them up. 

“what happened?” he asked quietly. his brows were set in a line measured by confusion and annoyance at the possible explanations.

“i got scared and ghosted him.”

“again?”

“i know.”

“you gotta quit that. these guys don't deserve it.”

“...i know.”

“why'd you get scared?” chris asked, putting his arms behind his head.

“because what if he wants me for sex and nothing else? what if he says he wants a relationship and pays the bill and opens the door for me and takes me home and tells me we don't have to do anything if i'm not comfortable and then of course we do something because i can't fucking help myself and then he got what he wanted and never speaks to me again?” 

i realized then, that i was shouting in my head and nothing had come out. chris still looked at me expectantly, his head tilted. 

“you look like a puppy,” i told him, grinning. 

“what the fuck,” he said, shaking out and shoving back the hair that threatened to encroach upon his vision.

“i got scared because…” i sighed, not entirely sure how to articulate my thoughts in a way he would understand. “Because how would i know if any of it was real?”

“that's why i don't fuck with love, like, that romantic shit,” he offered helpfully.

i glared. “thank you, christopher.”

“using my full legal name is insane.”

“you deserved it.”

“whatever bro.” chris paused. “i feel like there's something else.”

“how do you mean?”

“something else bothering you.”

“it probably has something to do with my self-confidence,” i said. “sometimes i think i deserve…everything, and sometimes i think the opposite.”

chris’s chest rose and fell with a sigh. this wasn't the first time we’d discussed the matter.

i looked over at him and his eyes met mine. i did this occasionally, the staring. it was a way to connect without speaking, which was often difficult around him. chris broke first, after a few short but comforting seconds, dipping his head to the side and gesturing me over to sit next to him. as i scooted my way over, he opened up his laptop again.

“new merch?” i asked. 

“yeah,” he murmured. “you wanna help design it?”

i took the device from him, amid quiet protests of death and torture, and began to very gently give my two cents.

“no one likes yellow chris. don't make any more yellow stuff ever again in your life.”

“I LIKE YELLOW??”

“too bad.”

we compromised on black with yellow accented font. he's such a baby sometimes.

-x-

i stayed for hours. chris let me make a shirt design, we put a show on in the background, and when i commandeered his laptop to play music, he got up to clean his room.

a few clothes on the floor does not a mess make, but chris hated things being out of place. something as small as a sock left unattended would poke the back of his brain all day. 

sometimes he would mutter things under his breath, talking to himself or singing.

“an i got all the drugs in the world that you need…”

“hold this.” (he tossed a shirt at me)

holding up a pair of sweats, chris asked, “...clean?” i shook my head. “matt’s room,” he decided, and took off up the stairs.

“you hungry?” he asked when he came back, hair disheveled.

i wrinkled my nose. “not for fast food.”

“you wanna make something?”

“god yes.”

chris laughed and pulled me off the bed. “let's go make something.”

-x-

we went up the stairs and upon hitting the landing, saw nick and madi pretzeled up together on the couch. “oh hey,” nick said, pausing whatever was on the tv. “didn't know you were here.”

“i thought you had a date,” madi said around a yawn.

chris seemed to sense the situation, or maybe he was just hungry, but whatever the case, he jumped in. “we're makin’ dinner,” he announced with a grin. 

“y’all still have pasta right?” i asked, making a beeline for the pantry and rifling through the shelves.

matt emerged from his cave, scrubbing his face with the back of his hands. “we should,” he grumbled, annoyed at the lack of sleep he was currently indulging in. 

“thank you. where.”

he nudged me over and produced a bag of angel hair noodles out of nowhere. “right in front of your face.”

“matthew…i'm gonna kill you,” i replied with zero emotion. 

he raised his eyebrows. “alright buddy. you makin’ enough for everybody?”

“don't see why not.” i turned my head and waved chris over. “we have water to boil.”

he saluted me and made his way into the kitchen, passing matt (making his way decidedly out of the kitchen).

“is the pot clean?”

“i think so.”

“can you get it?”

“yeah. you want the salt while i'm over here?”

“yes please.”

“tap water or filter water?”

i looked at him for a long moment. 

“i'm gonna get the filtered,” he said, snickering.

shaking my head with a smile, i let the stove heat up and stepped back so he could pour the water in. the muscle in his forearm tensed, offsetting the weight of the heavy filter. matt had turned the softer lights on, so gentle shadows lay over chris like a threadbare blanket. 

i stepped over and let my head rest on the side of his shoulder. his shirt smelled like him, he smelled like his bath soap and his cologne and the detergent matt used on his sheets, and his hair was dry and fluffy now because he hadn't brushed it and i could probably stay there forever-

“you okay?” he murmured.

“yeah.” backing off again, i slipped a smile on my face. “all good.”

“i think…it should be good,” chris said, scrunching his nose, fully concentrated on the precise water measurement.

i cut my eyes at him with mock concern. “it’s never that serious chris.”

“what if my pasta’s water content is important to me?”

“is it?” i put my hand on my hip, desperately fighting the smile that threatened to take over my features.

“...no. but what if it was?”

“i can't handle you anymore. when it boils will you put the noodles in?”

“noods,” he said in reply, as if that was in any way helpful or related.

“who's nudes?” Madi shot up from the couch, dark hair a mess. “your nudes??”

“no, not me, i-”

Nick’s face contorted in disgust. “someone sent you nudes?” 

“no no, it’s-”

“did you ask for them?” matt asked. having been seated closest to the kitchen and therefore fully aware of the context, he was just instigating. again.

i glared at the back of his head. “you're stupid.”

“that's not a no.” i could feel his shit-eating grin.

“who’s naked?” nick wailed, halfway off the couch.

“nobody! chris just-”

“so you didn't get nudes,” madi asked tentatively, still sleepy. 

i turned back to chris. “are you gonna help me at all?”

“who, me?”

rolling my eyes, i addressed the living room again. “listen, chris just shortened the word noodle, THAT’S IT.”

"oh. why didn't you just say that?" nick snarked.

madi had already burrowed into him for another nap. nick let their show play on, detangling her hair absentmindedly. i shook my head and smiled.

-x-

“i'm gonna go ahead and put the noodles in,” chris said, already breaking them.

“thanks. you wanna make sauce or use the stuff in the pantry?”

“ugh, what's in the pantry,” he said, “don't feel like making anything that intense.”

“mkay.” i pulled the door open and began to hunt. the sounds of the house washed over me - RuPaul’s Drag Race from the living room, chris stirring in the cracking noodles, and matt typing away on his laptop. i smiled again. this house, these people, their lives - it put me at ease. 

“‘scuse me…” chris said from behind me. i jumped as he drew out his words and stretched his hand around my shoulders to pull a spice off the rack. he felt me startle, he must have, because chris looked down at me with curiosity. “i scare ya?”

“only a little bit,” i said, lying through my teeth. he put his arms around me and enclosed me in a hug. “i'm glad you're here.”

my hands took hold of the forearms crossing my chest and i leaned back into him. “thanks.”

i felt his lips against my neck, pulling into a smile. “i'm always happy when you're here.”

the sugar-sweetness made my teeth ache, and i leaned forward. He let go easily, just like he did everything else in life, and spiced the noodly water on the stove with gusto, letting dark flecks fall to the floor. 

i love you.

he looked a mess with his hair unbrushed and his brows unkempt and his smile unguarded.

i love you.

chris, who always handled my heart with care.

i love you.

how many ways could he tell me he loved me before i believed him?

here goes nothing.

“chris?”

or perhaps everything.

“yes ma'am.”

JESUS FUCKING-

my ribs cracked, splintering bone shards into my thundering heart. i reached for his chin, letting my fingers fall atop his skin and ever so slightly pulling him toward me. when his eyes met mine i couldn't wait any longer. “do you love me?”

chris didn't miss a beat. “of course i do.” he pressed his cheek into my hand, his head tilted adorably. 

“no i…i mean like. for real.”

“come here.” he pulled me into a hug and i pressed my nose against his chest. “i've never been…afraid of it. love. with you.”

well that's good.

“of course i love you,” he said.

“...that's cool.”

a pause.

“really cool, in fact,” i continued. fucking tears. ruining my moment.

“are you crying?”

“no.” 

“liar.”

“yeah.”

“sad crying?”

“happy.”

“that's good.”

“mhm.”

“you want me to let go?” his arms didn't budge from me.

“don't you dare.”

“yes ma'am.”

“you're burning the pasta,” matt huffed. we jumped apart, faces tomato red. 

“yeah yeah you're so cute, i'm gonna be ill, puke gag retch, whatever,” he said, turning off the heat and moving the bubbling pot. “i'm hungry.”

nick and madi sat agape on the couch.

chris kissed my forehead, still grinning like a maniac. “wanna eat?”

i smiled. what is this, an epidemic? “yeah.”

“we can talk about it later okay?”

i smiled. “okay.”

-x-

ps: the noodles were delicious.

request to be on the taglist here

thank you for reading!

- bambi <3

[hwnglx]

for dear anon who requested ᰔ ᩚ

(to clear up misunderstandings, this is a reading on what in another person could turn the members on and off. i realized my wording might cause confusion, sorry about that)

stray kids' turn on's and turn off's

based on tarot. i do not know these idols personally. energies are always changing. what i say is NOT straight fact. pls take it with a grain of salt!

bang chan

turn on's > charming and eloquent (someone who's a very good speaker and communicator) > tactful and strategic -> isn't too overwhelming in their approach and acts carefully > unique looking -> stands out among other people > foreigners or people with a completely different background > knows the value of hard work > courageous and outspoken about things they believe in > has an immense amount of passion for something -> borders on obsession (he needs someone extremely invested in what they do, otherwise they wouldn't understand his lifestyle) > also, obsessed and clingy with him (he likes feeling needed and the thought of being the only person they see)

turn off's > way too selfish and greedy, no consideration for people in need of help > keeps being negative and dwelling on the past > lets go of things/people too easily -> gets discouraged fast > gets scared of the real world and escapes every challenge or obstacle in life > tactless communication -> says wrong thing at the wrong time, doesn't know how to articulate themselves smartly and adjust their words to the situation > takes everything personally and gets defensive fast

lee know

turn on's > laidback and calm energy > isn't extremely competitive and doesn't get greedy over useless things -> knows when to give in > ideally non-famous and ordinary people (he likes the thought of his partner providing him with some normalcy) > very observant and notices small details about you > knows when to let go and doesn't cling onto things (like someone who knows things come and go and is accepting towards the harsh realities of life) > isn't interested in gossiping, stays away from childish drama

turn off's > plays useless games with you (like playing hard to get) > is too delusional and unrealistic > keeps whining and crying over how awful their life is (lmao i can see him being taken aback and thinking “am i your babysitter”) > unreliable and doesn't keep their promise (someone who tells you they'll do one thing and end up doing another) > unwilling to acknowledge and work on their toxic habits (he just hates pretentious people who act all smug when they're not, he thinks it's very cringy because he can see through it)

changbin

turn on's > humble and grounded > a lot of potential and enthusiasm for something (he likes it when someone has motivation and goals, he wants to help them reach whatever they aspire to be) > has love for everyone and spreads kindness -> goes through life non-prejudiced (he likes pure people) > thinks and acts with and from their heart > considerate of people's needs -> doesn't put themselves above anyone and knows how to be happy for others > doesn't rush into things and approaches everything with patience (someone who thinks before acting) > responsible and takes care of the people they cherish

turn off's > lazy and doesn't set themselves up to any standards (just goes through life without any goals or ambition) > doesn't take life seriously, makes inappropriate jokes > is unnecessarily strict in how they treat others (he thinks why be hurtful if you can get the point across in a considerate manner) > doesn't know how to have empathy for people > very egocentric > moves on too quickly (it'll make him wonder like damn did i even mean anything to you if you're already over me)

hyunjin

turn on's > guarded, careful who they get close to (doesn't share their business with everyone) > deeply empathetic and caring nature, good listener (i can tell he finds beautiful and calming voices attractive) > fiercely loyal and committed to the people they love (he gets insecure about not being enough for his partners, so he needs the guarantee that you won't leave) > very determined and driven to fulfil their desires (is very eager and direct in their pursuit, he likes feeling like you're obsessed with him) > capable of carrying responsibilities and burdens on their shoulders -> doesn't get tired quickly, makes it look easy > helps him understand himself better (he wants someone who can make him feel confident & comfortable in his skin)

turn off's > doesn't understand the weight of deep connections -> gets close to many people (can make him feel like he isn't special) > hides and runs away from their emotions > holds endless grudges and never lets go of past occurrences > doesn't have an opinion of their own, just follows the crowd > keeps being dissatisfied, complaining and nagging at him (this would make him very self-conscious, he wants someone who's accepting of his imperfections) > dependent on others to help them -> doesn't know how to heal themselves and self-sabotages

(tbh, i can feel that hj wants someone who fills all his weak spots, because if he was with someone too similar to him, he feels like that'd be a recipe for disaster)

felix

turn on's > cheerful and full of energy, ability to light up the room > self assured and confident > very protective and willing to do anything to defend their loved ones (wants someone more direct and unafraid than him, he's too much of a people-pleaser) > carries a lot of inner wisdom and always has good advice > self-aware and reflective of their own actions and words > very different to him (whether that's in looks, personality, mindset. he gets intrigued) > a lot of inner strength and resilience -> doesn't falter easily > plus physical strength as well > puts plenty of thought into their relationships and feels the need to look after their loved ones, worries about him (he wants to feel safe and taken care of)

turn off's > doesn't care about boundaries and acts recklessly > bad manners > doesn't take care of their health and takes it for granted > always negative and drags others into their negativity > plays victim all the time and complains a lot (especially about others) > lacks drive and motivation in life > is too narrow-minded, traditional and conservative -> judgemental of minorities and people different to them > deliberately uses sharp and cruel words to hurt people and push their buttons or provoke them -> keeps starting conflicts > badmouths people too much

jisung

turn on's > has strong capacity for a deeply emotional bond (doesn't take relationships lightly and is emotionally involved) > pushes him to be a better version of himself > has a comforting and soothing effect on him -> makes him feel safe and understood > helps him acknowledge and work on his toxic habits (also loves him regardless of him not being perfect -> helps him accept himself the way he is) > very romantic and affectionate (compliments, words of affirmation!) > self-assured and headstrong -> doesn't get beat down easily (fire sign energy) > is tolerant and understanding of his circumstances and lifestyle (accepting the fact that relationships aren't that easy for him and dating him can come with certain struggles)

turn off's > is too possessive and clingy -> doesn't give him space > makes him feel incapable or inadequate (triggers his insecurities and his self-doubt) > acts like they're his parent (lol like someone who babys him too much and doesn't acknowledge he is a grown man) > gets too controlling and acts like they have a say in his life > is too strict and direct with him (he needs some sugarcoating sometimes) > too materialistic and focused on superficial matters (like looks, money, fame etc.) > is very hot and cold -> makes him believe one thing and then says something else, keeps him on his toes too much > is too conservative and stuck in the way they see things -> not open and understanding of different perspectives

seungmin

turn on's > knows exactly what they want in life and what to do to get it > independent and self-reliant (especially when women are very self-sufficient and in no need of anyone, he thinks it's admirable) > strongly stands by their belief or opinion and isn't fazed by external influences > very creative and passionate (especially musically, he likes it when people express themselves in an artistic manner) > trustworthy and committed to everything they do > can be their own boss and doesn't allow anyone to commend them around > elegant, well-mannered and polite

turn off's > keeps themselves trapped in their own delusions and refuses to open their eyes to reality > spoiled, takes precious things and people for granted > too attached and obsessed about materials or money -> doesn't know how to appreciate what they have (especially family, he definitely wants someone devoted to their home) > thinks they're levels above everyone and acts entitled > has something negative to say about everyone and is too judgemental > too antisocial and boring

jeongin

turn on's > free-spirited and fun to be around > has an optimistic outlook on life and doesn't always take it too seriously (i can tell he really likes someone with a great sense of humor who can make him laugh) > observant and curious about him as a person > makes him feel confident and special (a lot of compliments) > natural charisma and strong presence (main character energy, attracts gazes wherever they go) > but! okay with making themselves smaller and stepping back for him to shine and be the main character (lmao like telling him he's so much better than them etc.) > isn't afraid of arguments -> fearless and headstrong (he doesn't like scaredy cats)

turn off's > too prideful and ego-centric > overly serious and uptight all the time -> boring and doesn't know how to take a joke (like buzzkills, someone who keeps ruining the fun) > too focused on marriage and the longterm (he just wants someone to have fun with and see what comes out of it, he doesn't consider marriage right away) > surrenders and gives in too easily -> doesn't put up a fight > too obsessed about their own career and overly focused on remaining stable (cheap and boring people)

[bao3bei4]

ON THE TSHIRT METHOD TO WRITING ESSAYS IN YOUR OWN TIME: 

i have had a couple people mention to me that they would like to write essays too, but they are a little out of practice. so i thought i should gather some scattered thoughts into one place. this is not a systematic guide. i am young and inexperienced and still working out things for myself, but this is my basic process and some things that have helped me, summarized. 

my biggest single piece of advice is to write with your proverbial pussy. you are not writing for a grade so don't act like it. forget rigor, forget academic style, etc. read what you're interested in, and write following up on the threads that you're interested in. don’t sweat the details. just do you.

if you still need more advice..... here’s a long winded post. 

step zero: if you have no clue what you want to say yet 

read. and read a lot.

but be realistic. be kind to yourself. your attention is a precious resource, and it is getting eaten up by shit out of your control all the time. if you’ve had a busy day, you may still have the brain power left to read. i almost never do. lol. so make sure to carve out time on a day off, if possible. otherwise you might end up completely fried, reading the same sentence over and over, and ending up scrolling on your phone LMAO. <-- painful lesson also to this end, if you haven’t picked up a denser book in a while, start with shorter articles, especially ones written more recently. if your attention wanders, try getting a physical book instead. the most important thing is just starting things you’ll actually read.  i’ve seen a lot of people (and been that person) who was like. “oh i’m going to start with THE canonical text in a subject i’m interested in” which makes sense right? but that book is inevitably long and dense and convoluted and boring. you can come back to it later. this shouldn’t feel like a chore! 

genuinely this is the most helpful thing you can do is just. read anything. it may be difficult at first (or always), but it is still the easiest way to engage with the foremost experts from around the world and the entirety of written history on any subject you are interested in. there’s not really a substitute to this. 

note: you may say that people can and do come up with brilliant ideas independently of their access to written works. this is true! but if you are one of them, you should skip this section/post, because you already know what you want to say.  okay that was a little too facetious. let me revise: when i say that, without reading, it will be hard to come up with more complex ideas than what you have now, that isn’t necessarily pejorative. maybe your current ideas and impulses are original and meaningful and complex. if they aren’t, however, you don’t have to resign yourself to it.  your experiences in real life are the most valuable thing you can bring to the table, but it can be very difficult to articulate and contextualize them without community—whether that be irl, or the simple textual company of other writers. you can let other people help you and teach you.  basically, this is a long winded way of saying something extremely simple: reading is not the only way to gain knowledge, or even the best. but it is an extremely consistent and relatively egalitarian way.** **scihub and libgen and sometimes the public library are your friends. (my local library’s book coverage is spotty) who cares about piracy. LMAO. 

you may surprise yourself by how nicely you fall into little spirals. you read one thing. and you are enamored with the way the author approaches their subject. so you end up reading everything else they’ve written, and then you start on the authors they list that inspire them in their interviews. maybe you just read one article that’s a little dry but it cites something else that seems far more interesting. read that next. and so on. 

if you are struggling to read that’s okay. you have options. start a book club (or just get a friend who also wants to read more). if that sounds like too much work, pick a friend to keep updated on all your new facts. you just want to get used to reading something, and telling someone your favorite parts again. skim books. skip the boring parts. drop them entirely and find a more interesting one. no one’s going to quiz you. this is for your own enjoyment. 

also important here: read books that make you want to write. sometimes this is because the methods and/or prose of the author are so exciting, you want to do something just like that. sometimes it’s because the content is so exciting, you want to say something about that too. sometimes they speak so powerfully to your own life, you want to tell people this is me!! i see this!! there are books i just enjoy reading, sure, and i do read them. but you know how, like, a good movie makes you want to tell stories too? good theory should do that too, in my opinion. 

step one: you have some ideas now. 

these ideas don’t have to be set in stone. but you should have an idea now of what you might talk about. personally, for me, i have two interconnected types of essay ideas. 

interventions. this is like [tumblr voice] Why Is Nobody Talking About This. i see some sort of hole. maybe i know how to fill it, maybe i don’t. 

free associations. basically i read one thing, or some analysis of one thing. and then it reminded me of another thing. and i’m like. i want to tease apart their connections, their similarities, and their differences. 

there are more types of ideas, i’m sure. but these are the ones i consistently have. with me, the second kind is more common. very rarely do i find that my thoughts are that original. rather, i’ve found that one of my strengths as a writer is being able to make connections that other people haven’t made, or haven’t made in depth before. IN MY OPINION. 

so i find it quite flexible. maybe i watch a movie, and it reminds me of my own life, because i think two women in the movie could be sad queer freaks. and i’m a sad queer freak. or it could be that i think scum villain could be analyzed through the framework of freudian psychoanalysis. you get the idea. 

at this stage of the process, i don’t have a thesis, necessarily. but i have a couple phrases i’m drawn to. i have a bullet point or two. i have vibes. 

to use an example from this blog, one of my friends hui once mentioned that that one fan image was going around again. we were going ughhh it’s victorian not chinese! together and they said “you should write a meta on it.” i wasn’t sure quite yet what i had to say. but i knew a couple things. 

this is, incidentally, because i had done some research into chinoiserie before, because i had cited the zuroski book for a paper i had to write for an english class some years before on pride and prejudice and its use of descriptions of material culture, an essay that in turn was inspired by my random yet deeply felt conviction that jane austen hated me personally and wanted to kill me.  this is why i encourage reading a lot. i think. 

to work on this stage, make lists. lots of them. i have a .txt file where i keep every essay idea i have. a lot of them are a sentence. or they're lists of books or theorists i think i could make something out of. or they're theses that feel true, but i’m not sure why yet. 

it took me a while to get to this point. just like with writing fic, there was a period when i first started where i was like. i only have one idea. i’m going to write it, and then i’m never going to write again. and then i had just one more idea. after a while. eventually you will find you have so many ideas and the world is full of possibilities. it’s a muscle you have to flex. like reading. and telling people about what you’re reading. 

actually, i feel like there was a step 0.5 here that i completely skipped. 

step zero point five that i skipped: how to generate ideas

my very truly complete “first time writing something semi-academic that was original” (with a loose definition of the word original) was literally just me reading literary criticism of one book, and saying “i think this author’s thoughts can be applied to this other book” and found some textual evidence that supported that the process could be replicated. 

this is like, writing with training wheels on. eventually i got better at it (see aforementioned chinoiserie essay. i hope you agree.). but that was a good place to start for me. it made the proverbial blank page less intimidating, knowing i had a scaffolding. 

i suggest trying this. see how it goes for you. read around until you find some piece of criticism, or just some theory about how something works, that you like. and using your newfound hammer, go look for some nails. 

note: i know this expression is meant to like. be a negative thing. but you do have to start somewhere. it’s okay if it sucks. it’s just for your practice and your enjoyment. 

be cautious of stances. weak writing (in my OPINIONNNN) tries to unilaterally defend or condemn a behavior. what you need to do is treat your writing as a bit. and then you need to run with it. you need to take it farther than what is reasonable. if this bit is truly actually deeply true, then what does it mean about yourself? it’s like using a new set of pronouns as a joke or something. you know what i mean? (that was an example of what i’m trying to communicate here)

what else is key to look out for... look for oppositional pairs or tensions. look for perverse incentives and vicious circles. look for embarrassing ideas. that is, what would be extremely embarrassing if it was true? (or to admit that it was true) you may go—tshirt, here you’re just describing things that are sexy. yes, exactly, that’s the point. you want things that thrill. 

just keep reading and making notes until everything echoes with something else. now you’re ready for step two. 

step two: refine your ideas further. 

let me do this by demonstration. once more extending my earlier example of my chinoiserie essay, i knew that i really wanted to take zuroski’s points and basically... steal them. this is called “citation,” i guess. but i thought the following insights were useful to me: 

british women were invested in chinese material objects 

they incorporated them into their own subjectivity

past a certain point, they no longer “consumed” these signifiers, but these signifers became theirs 

critique of one was able to stand in for critique of the other

and from being on fandom twitter, i already had the following insights: 

people deliberately blurred the lines between china and england when it came to fans and tea

people also liked talking about victorian modesty when it came to china 

so it seemed like victorian england and china had a privileged relationship, in a lot of people’s minds in fandom. 

so it didn’t really seem a stretch to say... how can we look at one history, and apply it to our present? 

it was a bit of the combo of the two: i saw something i didn’t see people were talking about, and it reminded me of something else i’d read before. 

something that helps me a lot is tweeting about my essay ideas. if you have me on my private account, you already know this. it forces me to explain myself to someone who doesn’t know what i’m talking about in a very succinct way. oftentimes, i tweet something out while i’m brainstorming, and then i steal the phrasing back into my essay. see? tweets can be writing too. 

this is microdosing on step zero’s “read something and practice telling a friend about it.” now you’re writing something and telling a friend about it. 

step three: okay now you can like. open a google doc 

make an outline. i know i know i know. i’m sorry. you can start just barfing thoughts if you want, but eventually everything that was on the top of your head will be out. and now you can start thinking about structure. the reason the outline is important is because it makes clear the logical progression from one idea to the next. 

i know i usually bounce around in my writing (a tendency which has been magnified here because this is so casual LMAO), but i always want to make sure that my points are substantiated. if we want to talk about how a causes b, we should prove a, we should prove the causal link, and only then can we infer b, for instance. it doesn’t really matter what order that happens in (or even that we set about it that way), but the more complicated your idea is, the longer checklist you need. it’s just a checklist. that’s all. 

as you start writing, you’ll probably need to read some more. you’re going to want to say something you think is true, but you’re going to realize that you haven’t proved it (or you can’t). go look to see if someone else has proved it. 

maybe you’re right. add that evidence in. maybe you’re wrong. now your essay has a new direction. there is a living thing beneath you. actually, on that idea— 

i tend to structure my outlines (if i’m not sure yet what my point is) by pasting a bunch of quotes in a document, and reorganizing them until they make sense, they seem to flow. and then i start explaining why, until i realized i have begun to walk off in a new direction. always embrace that new direction. eventually you will find that you have not been taking twists and turns, but actually you were dizzily walking along a straight path. (unless you have been unfocused and you are trying to say too many things at once. ask a friend to read your essay if you’re not sure which is the case.) 

quotes are the smallest unit of your analysis. work with evidence. or, at least, i do. it makes writing an essay like solving a mystery. the idea of just spontaneously generating something new fills me with terror. rather, i want to autopsy something, trace its steps, and then discover how it came to be dead. this may not be true for you. but it’s true for meeeee and this is my post. 

tl;dr

0. read something and tell someone about it/post it out

0.5. come up with a bit and run with it

1. think "why is no one talking about this" or start free associating

2. come up with weird connections and tell someone about it/post it out

3. collect all of your posts and ideas into a gdoc and organize them.

anyway i like reading posts like this because i’m incredibly nosy. so i tried to write out the sort of thing i like to read from other people. i don’t suggest you actually try to replicate it (if anyone would even want to.) practically basically i just encourage you to try any single part of this that you think was interesting or relatable or helpful. personally, i suggest reading a book and posting your favorite lines from it. if you do this a couple times, i think you will find the seeds of an essay waiting for you in your own posts. 

[callmerainman]

Cameras | Reigen Arataka x fem!model!Reader

plot. The last thing you expected when you entered the office of Reigen Arataka, was to be head over heels for him. Reigen can't seem to believe it himself when Dimple points out that the beautiful model who came in his office for help is, in fact, flirting her way towards him. It's your first time chasing a man and not the other way around, and it's so much fun.

fandom. mob psycho 100

word count. 2.2k

tags. fem!reader, reader is a model, flirting, seducing, awkwardness, suggestive tones, implied sexual reference, oblivious Reigen Arataka, photoshoots, smoking, wingman Dimple.

part. 1/2

An elegant smile softly spread across your face, your hands touching your soft hair with delicacy, your legs crossed under the wooden desk. And, hard to ignore, your foot moving slowly in a circling motion. Your classy composure hides your real emotions so well, you're a woman of style. But, in reality, you're completely losing it.

Shit, he's handsome.

The blond man sitting in front of you is explaining his parcels and exorcism plans as he moves his hands left and right. He looks serious, professional, and focused. His name is Reigen Arataka, or The Greatest Psychic of the 21st Century. You didn't know anything about him until twenty minutes earlier, when you entered his office.

You work as a photo model in a well known modeling agency in Seasoning City. You recently started catwalks, but you're mainly featured on local fashion magazines covers and billboard signs across the city. Your career is going well, except for this feeling that you just can't shake off. In the last few months, every time you pose for a picture you feel a haunting presence weighing on your shoulders. It's like a cold, gloomy breeze. It didn't stop you from getting your work done, but it was more energy consuming than it should be. You didn't believe in ghosts, to be clear. But your friends suggested you call a psychic, and so you did. You chose the cheapest in town, just to give it a try. But nothing could have prepared you for this situation.

«So, considering the context, I think the best exorcism plan is the second in my list, miss»

You snap back to reality and quickly realize that you didn't listen to a single word he said. Too busy staring at the smooth gestures of his hands. You have to play it cool.

«How about you come with me to my next shooting? I have to get there in 30 minutes. Maybe you can take care of the problem on the spot. I'll be glad to pose for you if it can help, Reigen-san» you smile, resting your chin on your open palm.

It's weird. Usually men were the ones who chased you, and fell for you right on the spot. This is your first time being head over heels for a man, and at first sight too. You can't exactly pin point what it is that makes you twirl your hair around your index, and smile so intently. Maybe his ginger hair, or the way he articulates words. Or his grey suit and eccentric pink tie, and charismatic smile.

The man exudes sex. In sort of a pathetic, sketchy way.

«Fine by me» Reigen replies.

You clap your hands together and spark him a shiny smile «Great! Let's go then!»

As you go ahead to bring your car in front of the building, Reigen closes the office. Mob is at school and no clients are expected to come for the next few hours.

The conman trots down the stairs quickly so that he can go wait for you outside the building. But he feels a presence floating behind him.

«Oi, Reigen»

Reigen turns around and grumbles as his gaze meets a familiar green cloud.

«What, Dimple»

«That lady is most certainly hitting on you»

Reigen almost trips down the stairs. He quickly recollects himself as he stops in the middle of the stairwell.

«That's not true»

«Pff» the spirit spits «it's so obvious»

Reigen descends the stairs again, the sound of his shoes stomping on the floor booming in the echoey building.

«It's not obvious because she's not hitting on me! You're just saying it to make fun of me»

The green spirit floats backwards, in front of Reigen's face. He looks dead serious.

«Look man, I would never use such a poor excuse for a joke. I mean, a knockout of a model hitting on you? That would be too unrealistic!»

Reigen rolls his eyes and just keeps going, trying to ignore Dimple.

The latter agitates a little green arm in front of his face «Hellooo? She was literally eating you up with her preying eyes! Basically giggling and kicking her feet like a schoolgirl! And what about the "I'll be glad to pose for you~"»

Dimple channeled his most feminine, high-pitched voice to say that. Green little hands intertwined, eyes glittering and lashes fluttering. It pisses Reigen off.

«Miss (Y/N) is not hitting on me. And even if she were, obviously in a very parallel and distant world, I would never get my way with her. She's my client, and I'm a professional»

«Whatever you say dude...I warned you»

Dimple didn't pop out until later on, when you and Reigen get to your modeling agency. Everything is ready for today's photoshoot: lights, cameras, setting. As Reigen wanders around pretending to scan for spirits, you're approached by your publicist, Haru.

«Is he the male stripper we rented for Sakura's birthday?» she asks, pointing a finger towards Reigen.

«What? No! That's the psychic you suggested I call!» you exclaim.

«Oooh! Is he here to help you exorcise that spirit?»

«We don't know if there's a spirit yet, but he's here to help me out»

«And how are things going?»

«I want to sleep with him»

«(Y/N)!»

«I'm sorry, I can't help it!»

«Okay, I'll reschedule your Christmas jumpers shooting for next week. No big deal even if we don't do it today. Now go put some lingerie on»

«I love you so much, dearie»

In the end, there really was a spirit giving you a hard time during shootings. Or, to be specific, a curse. Dimple was able to detect it in no time, a cloud of gloomy, red smoke hovering over your shoulders. He absorbed it completely and you immediately felt the pressure on your back being released. Your pics came out perfect, flawless. You even put some extra work with that lingerie since you had a guest. And you did catch his brown eyes getting lost in the fabric of your garments, not without a sprinkle of guilt. It was a sight you yearned from men. Seeing them guilty for how mesmerized they are. But Reigen was dense. All afternoon you sent many hints that you, in fact, were flirting with him, but he didn't catch them. You still have time. Of course you have no idea that the one to get rid of the curse was Dimple, Reigen played it out as if he was the one doing all the magic. Dimple got accustomed to it.

«Thank you so much, Reigen-san» you smile, stunning as always. You already changed in your casual clothes, your body covered in a long, beige trenchcoat.

«No big deal, it was a small fish»

Dimple rolls his eyes behind Reigen's shoulder, but you can't see him. The sun is setting behind the building of your modeling agency. Reigen is smoking a cigarette, he asked you in advance if it bothers you, and you asked if you can join him. Reigen takes a quick glimpse at you. Even the way you smoke transpires elegance. His cheeks are lightly powdered in pink.

«I feel kinda bad though, I didn't pay you enough»

«No need to feel bad, I'm confident in my pricings»

«So you're gonna reject my drink invitation?»

Reigen chokes a puff of smoke. He throws you a quick glance and sees you smiling calmly, smoke slowly flowing out of your half-open lips. Dimple's words started floating in his own head. Was he right all along? Or you're just being nice? Do you really want to go out for a drink? Then, words just spill out on their own.

«Never said that»

You take a hit of your cigarette «Good, I'll lead the way»

There's something in your presence. So resolute, classy, confident. A different kind of confidence compared to Reigen. You always know how to behave, how to present yourself. It's hypnotic, magnetic even. Reigen can't help but be left speechless. He would lie to himself if he said that you weren't the prettiest woman he has ever seen. As you two walk towards your parked car, Reigen feels a familiar presence again.

«I told you, dude! She's all over you!» Dimple exlciams, waving his cloudy hands in front of Reigen.

«Shut the fuck up, she's not!»

You turn around «Did you say something?»

Reigen shakes his head vigorously, a bead of sweat running down his temple in embarrassment «N-nothing!»

The lounge bar you picked looks too expensive for Reigen's pockets. But you assured him that the drinks were on you, and ignored his insistence in paying. So now you and Reigen are sitting in front of each other, still dressed as you were this afternoon. He kinda feels out of place with his office suit on. But you fit the luxurious atmosphere so well. Your figure, your red dress, your make-up and smile. The way you talk, and laugh, and politely order two martinis. This place looks like it was made for you and you only. Talking with Reigen is an experience that you honestly expected very much. He's an interesting person, he's kind, funny, and smart. You didn't get the hots for him only for his looks. You understood the kind of person he was the moment he started listening to your problems this afternoon. He might look like the average japanese functional working citizen, but you saw right through him immediately.

And Reigen thinks the same of you. You're not only extremely attractive, confident and classy. You're cultured, intelligent, witty. He feels like talking to you is so easy, a feeling he didn't always get from others, or at least it wasn't often reciprocated. He wants to listen more of your words, of your mind. He's slowly getting hypnotized. You have a way with words, with gestures. The way you place your hand on your chin, or tuck hair behind your ear, is not casual. Everything you do is measure and balance. And the way you listen to his most complicated thoughts makes him want to tell you more, to stay a bit longer. He's enjoying himself for once in a while, laughing without thinking about anything else.

You put down your martini after taking a sip «By the way, Reigen, I think my photoshoot came out really, really well»

In a slow, sensual movement, you cross your legs under the table, your dress brushing against your bare skin with a velvet-like sound. You let one of your heels hang from the tip of your foot, then drop it down to the floor completely. Without any premeditation, you let your foot travel up Reigen's leg, first his ankle and then all the way up under the fabric of his pants.

«Maybe you should come to all my shootings from now on» you coo.

His shock is evident. Reigen locks his lips and holds his breath as he feels your foot stroking his leg under his pants. He wants to say something, but he can't.

Is she playing footsie with me?!

And then, for only God knows how many times, Dimple pops out again behind him, making Reigen jump on the spot.

«I fucking told you man!»

«I'm flirting with you, Reigen-san»

«Okay Dimple maybe you were right but what the fuck do I- say what?!»

You suppress a small giggle «I said that I'm flirting with you, Reigen. Since you didn't really seem to catch it»

Reigen is too stunned to speak «Oh!»

«I can stop though, if you're not interested in...more. Pursuing men so much is not my style. But I don't regret trying»

Your foot falls down from his leg and gets back to your heel, sliding it inside. You rest your chin in your hand, scanning Arataka's face for a reaction. He looks so embarrassed that it has you concerned. Did you go too far? To be completely honest, you liked messing with men. Making them look at you, leaving them speechless. But in a completely harmless way. Your last wish was to make Reigen uncomfortable in any way. You're about to say something, but you get interrupted.

«No, it's fine!» Reigen yelps, a nervous smile cracking on his face.

He mentally facepalms himself for sounding too excited, and too high pitched. But the reassuring smile you show him makes all his worries fade away. He doesn't feel judged, or under scrutiny.

«I-I mean» he resumes «I won't hold back if you're interested in...more»

Jesus he feels so stupid. But maybe you like stupid. It's written in the way you lean forward on your shared table, your hand reaching for his pink tie. You lightly pull it to encourage Reigen to come forward as well, sensually stroking it with two hands as you see his throat gulp out of nervousness.

«I'm glad to hear, Reigen. Otherwise I would have felt very lonely tonight, in my apartment»

«Good...»

Then, you let go of his tie and get up from your seat, and Reigen does the same. Mustering up some courage, Reigen extends his hand for you to take it. You happily oblige, placing yours in his palm. With a satisfied look on your face, you proceed to walk out of the lounge bar, hand in hand.

Without you noticing, Dimple appears in front of Reigen one last time.

«Can I come?» he asks.

«Fuck, no!» Reigen growls under his teeth.

«What did you say?» you ask.

«Nothing!»

[dearmura]

heyyy can i request a riki fic where yall argue and u ignore him but he tries realll hard to make it up to u?? tysmmmm

all that matters

☆ cw. she/her pronouns used to refer to reader

☆ pairings. idol! riki × fem! reader

☆ genre. established relationship, fluff, a little angst (they make up in the end dw), misunderstandings

☆ synopsis. when you refuse to talk to riki after a disagreement, he can't stand it, doing everything in his power to make it up to you

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

you have the reached the voicemail of nishimura riki, please leave a message after the tone *beeeeep*

rolling your eyes, you lock your phone, throwing it across your bed with a humph, curling yourself into a ball as you sulk under your blanket. as per usual, it was late at night, way to late to stay out, and riki was still not home from practice. a few texts sent to the other members suggests that practice ended hours ago, yet, riki stayed much later, like always

you appreciated his hard work, you really did. but was it so wrong to miss one's boyfriend? to want to spend time with him? it sure seemed like it to you, considering his empty promises everyday of coming home early, which he never seemed to fulfill

just as you were about to sulk further, you heard keys just outside your door, jolting you from your thoughts. though you were mad, in the end, you still missed him and couldn't resist greeting him, albeit, ready to scold him

slowly creaking the door open, riki assumed you were asleep by now considering how late it was but was instantly proven wrong when he was greeted to a fuming y/n tapping her foot, arms crossed

he knew he was screwed

"hey, angel~ why are you up so late? you didn't have to wait for me you kn-"

"don't 'angel' me, nishimura. I should be asking you that same question, now shouldn't I?" you interrupt, not giving him the chance to sweet talk his way out of this one

"y/n..." he continued, your name feeling weird as it rolls off his tongue, not being used to calling you anything other then a term of endearment

"I'm sorry, I really really am, but I have a comeback just around the corner and that's my priority right now" he tries. though, judging by your reaction, he assumes his words weren't the best articulated. you scoff

"more important than me? you didn't even bother to answer my calls. and don't even try to say you were busy, nishimura. I know practice ended hours ago" you knew you were being a little immature, but you couldn't think straight, fed up with ignorance

"baby I-" "just leave me alone. it's not like you care enough to prioritize me anyway" you spit bitterly

he tried to approach you but you just pulled away, needing a moment to yourself. in the heat of the moment, you walked away, leaving the boy dumbfounded as he watched your figure slowly reach rather and rather away from him. as you reached your room, you slammed the door, sliding down the wooden frame as tears brimmed in your eyes. you knew you were being dramatic but your mind was too clouded by emotions to even care

finally snapping out of his thoughts, riki quickly followed after you, only to be met with the door to his face. the quiet hitches of your breath from beyond the door made his heart break and mind go into overdrive, absolutely hating himself for being the reason you were in that state. as he tries to reason with you, you only pull away further, needing a moment to collect yourself, leaving him feeling what he could only describe as empty

he couldn't be upset with anyone but himself. he knew he was in the wrong for neglecting your feelings and needs in favor his work. he knew you had every reason under the sun be mad at him right now. but he couldn't deny how much he wanted you in his arms right now, showering you with kisses and being lulled to sleep by your little snores. in respect of your wishes, he painfully parts from the door, a tear slipping down his cheek as he lays on the couch. as you sulk to yourself, you don't even realize your boyfriend just in the other room crying himself to sleep, drowning in guilt and self loathing

✧

the next morning, you wake up with a pounding headache, reminding you of your tears the previous night. with a clearer mind, you reminisce of how dramatic you were being and feel a pang of guilt when you see the boy not sleeping beside you. groggily, you shuffle out of bed and into the kitchen to search for the boy, but he is no where to be seen. the thought of him heading to practice this early saddened you just as it did before

with a heavy sigh, you opened the fridge door, searching for something to eat when the front door opened. at this point, you were fed up with his audacity. the fact that he knew you were upset and didn't even try to reason with you, only continuing to make the same mistake again. not even wanting to bother with him, you storm back into your room before he could reach the kitchen

unbeknownst to you, the boy walked in, a devasting smile on his face as he held a bouquet of flowers in his arms, a DVD of your favorite movie, and your favorite snacks, waking up extra early to head to the store as soon as it opened. as he searched the house, his shoulders dropped when you were no where in sight. knocking at your door, he tries to keep a cheery mood but is slapped in the face when you don't even want to talk to him

at this point, his emotions got the best of him and he couldn't hold back his tears. sliding down the door, he drops down to his knees and sobs, utterly disgusted with himself

just beyond the door, you hear little sniffles and whines. though you were upset, he was still your boyfriend after all. worrily, you open the door and your eyes are met with a slumped riki with tear-stained eyes, disheveled hair, and a tear soaked shirt. looking up, he only sobs more

"I-I'm so *hiccup* sorry, angel. I know I'm a horrible *hiccup* boyfriend. p-please don't break up with *hiccup* me" his voice breaks as he offers you the bouquet of flowers, the DVD and snack bags scattered behind him

seeing his state only brought you to tears. wordlessly, you dropped to your knees with him and embraced him a tight hug. the warmth of his hold you missed oh so much brought you indescribable comfort

"no I'm sorry for pushing you away, my love. and I would never break up with you" you reassure him, feeling his hold tighten around you. face emerging from the crook of your neck, he manages to whisper out

"I'm sorry I was so *sniff* selfish and didn't prioritize y-" "shh shh shh, it's okay baby. I understand. you're with me now, that's all that matters" you massage his scalp, placing little pecks here and there, successfully calming him down

"now let's watch this movie" you reach for the DVD laid behind the boy, giving him a smile

"and I call dibs on the Takis" you state matter of factly, making him giggle, ruffling your hair at your cuteness

"it's all yours, princess"

fin

[sugoi-writes]

F!Reader x Hashira : Bedroom Shenanigans

The following is VERY VERY filthy indulgence/hcs about the Hashira wanting to c*m inside you... and it's not SUPER polished/long!

Per no request, but I HAD to write this!!!

This excludes Muichiro, Shinobu, and Mitsuri. I still find myself struggling to write for Muichiro;;;

TW: concerning pregnancy; both the reader and Hashiras below are wanting to/plan to have a family.

You've been warned!!

❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

Rengoku

You look so pretty, bouncing up and down on his cock with renewed vigor, your climax close at hand. He has one hand on your chest, the other gripping your hip to keep you balanced. He could tell that you were seconds away from losing yourself to the pleasure.

You glance down at the fiery eyed man, with your own glazed-covered eyes," I-Inside... ahhn! Kyo, do you--? Nnn, I need you to c-cum inside!"

A sudden thrust upward has you squealing, Kyojuro's pupils blown widely,"...are you sure about that, love?"

You're honestly babbling by this point, tongue threatening to loll outward as you roll your hips," K-Kyojuro... PLEASE..."

With a swift movement, your positions are shifted. You could barely register what happened as your legs are pressed to your chest. Rengoku wastes no time, and mercilessly thrusts into you. He's panting as you wail for him, toes popping from how violently and rapidly they curl.

"...careful when playing with fire, my love..." He grunts as his rhythm becomes erratic, his high rapidly approaching," I-It'll be hard to put out this blaze...!"

A thundering ecstacy overcomes the both of you, but your heart skips a beat in mild panic. Your eyes mirror Kyojuro's blown out pupils, as you realize that his cock hasn't wavered in the slightest.

"...I'm sorry my dear, but once is simply not enough... I MUST have you again. And again...," he articulates his motives with deep, slow thrusts, sending you and your throbbing cunt reeling.

"A-And again... so I can see you with my children..."

You gasp as Kyojuro picks up the pace, stammering," Ch-Children???" You repeat, to ensure he meant the plural version.

Kyojuro grins, deviously fired up," C-Could we really stop with just one?"

Tengen

"F-Fuck!!" You cry out, the slapping of skin on skin making you see stars. Your partner, Uzui, mercilessly pistons into you with reckless abandon. You glance back at his furrowed brows, face knit with concentration. You know he's holding out for you.

"U-Uuuu... uhhgh~ Uzui, you can--"

You feel your cheeks getting pinched by Tengen's large fingers, as he forces you to look back that the mirror before you. You gasp as you take in the sight of your man doubled over you, doggy style. It was enough to make make core's tension threaten to snap.

"What's that, Y/N~? You'll have to be louder than that- hah--f-for me to hear you!"

You clamp down around his cock, making him slow down and groan from how tight you were.

"C-Cum...," you pleaded quietly," C-Cum inside, please... I-I want you, Lord Tengen..."

Tengen blinks, pausing for a moment as he takes in what you said. He looks across the room to his other 3 spouses: Suma, Hina, and Makio. The three women look just as surprised, before Hina sits up. Intrigued, she smiles genuinely.

"Lord Tengen, do as you wish... but we'd love to see that, too." Makio is just as interested, her legs squeezing together as she watches your display heatedly," Y-Yeah, Uzui... you should--"

"K-KNOCK HER UP, LORD TENGEN!!!," Suma practically shrieks, making Uzui snort and Makio slap her back.

You didn't get a chance to laugh at the antics before you feel Tengen move again. You felt like your knees were gonna give out before your husband did!!!

Without any further prompting, he relentlessly gets back to business, approaching his climax.

"W-Well, if the four of you want children so badly-- I'll be sure to knock each and every one of you up, until you're plump and full with my-- agh, fuck!!"

Uzui couldn't finish his rambling before painting your insides white. And you certainly weren't complaining about that...

Sanemi

"...you want me--"

"Yeeeeesss~?"

"--to come inside of you?" Sanemi says incredulously, holding you firmly in a mating press. You were biting your lip, nodding enthusiastically. Sanemi's expression shifts from that of his normal mischief to something more serious. His hands tremble before gripping your thighs tighter.

"...then say it. Say it again." The tone shift catches you off guard. You're surprised, as you swallow dryly. Between the change in him physically and vocally, you felt a little sheepish.

"I-I... I want you.... t-to..." You gasped as you felt Sanemi's hot length grind against your bare cunt, his tip brushing your clit.

"Say it so I know you mean it." Sanemi says firmly. Though he was trying to save face, you could see the crack in his facade: he wanted NOTHING more right now than to make a family with you. And it was taking every ounce of restraint to not sheath himself inside you without confirmation.

You pleaded louder, practically begging him to cum inside of you, before a quick thrust disrupts your rambling. Sanemi, winded, repeats himself.

"A-Again... fuck, baby! Tell me what you want...!" You were practically wailing his name as your arms wrapped around his neck, holding on for dear life.

"K-Knock me up, 'Nemi!!!"

Repeated, heated mantras erupted from the both of you as Sanemi did as you pleaded. You'd be if you could stand tomorrow.

And neither of you could be happier.

Obanai

"N-Now now, you're getting too-- excited, Y/N," Obanai teases, his widened grin betraying himself. The both of you were fairly worked up, Obanai's tenacious thrusts making the two of you more than desperate for release. You braced your hands against the wall as you were claimed from behind, knees buckling.

" Hah-- you are too!" You choke back, a wanton trail of moans following your back talk.

" Ahh-- O-Oba...nai!!" The serpent pillar looks all too pleased, relishing the sounds that your voice and body made as he fucked you. But, it's what you said next that made his hips stutter to a halt.

"Mmm... inside...? Obanai, do you... w-want to cum inside?"

The man looming over you freezes, seemingly reeling from your question. How could you ask something so innocently, when that could hold so many joys and consequences behind it... It was enough to make his heart beat faster, his mouth hanging open silently.

You instinctively reached back, straining to grab a hand that tightened on the flesh of your ass. You smile back at him, head falling against the wall," I-It's okay... if we aren't ready for it..."

When Obanai pulls out, you're suddenly pulled backward, leaving you no time to whine or register what's happening. You're stumbling and stammering as you're dragged away towards Obanai's room. Your hastily moving partner, with flushed cheeks, hisses something quietly... but you don't sense any venom behind it... but more of a feverish, excitable energy.

"I-If I'm going to claim you like that-- I'm going to do it more properly."

Gyomei

Gyomei, though he was chasing the familiar feeling in his gut, was still so tender with you. He had let you be on top, allowing you to fully controll the situation (and how much you could handle).

Your head was tossed back in ecstacy, a quiet mantra of his name falling from your lips. From the way your skin glistened with sweat, to the way that tears were streaming down your own cheeks... he was totally enamored with the sight before him.

It wasn't until he felt you grasp one of his hands that he snapped back to reality. You guided his hand to the protrusion that his cock caused in your abdomen, smiling blissfully.

"D-Do you... would you... want to replace this bump... with a-another one?"

Gyomei's eyes widen, and instantly, tears start to flow more freely than before. He keeps his hand there, thrusting upwards gently as he takes over. You could barely think or hear as you hear a fond response.

"I-I want... nothing more!!! And I'll give it-- my everything, to you, Y/N!"

Giyuu

The raven haired Hashira was enjoying himself thoroughly, a hand placed on the top of your head to push you down just a tad more... You had taken his cock well so far; what's a little more?

You gurgled as you did your very best, knowing that Giyuu was going to approach his orgasm faster than you could keep up with. You tapped his thigh to let him know you needed air, and begrudgingly, he obliged, hand coming up to stroke himself.

"W-Wait, don't--! I want it... I want it somewhere else," you blurt out, taking your quiet-natured partner by surprise.

"Where do you need it, then?" Giyuu attempts to ask calmly, though a pleased groan breaks up his usual monotone.

You lean back, flat on your back, legs spreading," ...inside? A-And don't pull out this time... I want you... all of you... inside me."

For a moment, Giyuu's hand stills, as his face goes blank. And for a moment, you're sure that you've messed up, before Giyuu practically throws himself on top of you. He wordlessly aligns himself to your sopping, wet heat, looking to you with an intense, profound love.

"S-Sorry in advance-- too close," Giyuu grunts, before fully sheathing himself inside of you. You reel from shock, not expecting his cock to kiss your cervix so suddenly. The normally tender, sweet man was taking you like an animal... and honestly? You were more than okay with that.

And from the looks of it, he was going to take you over and over again, until he felt that you were entirely too full.

"Y-You'll be perfect-- you're so aahh-- ...'mazing!" Giyuu would praise between heavy pants," I-I'm going to make you a mother-- hah-- I-I'll make sure of it!"

[pyjamaart]

I never needed such help / This is my SOS

(Content warning: self harm) (If you don't have a problem with that, huge Drillman essay under the read more lol)

When I said that I wanted to draw Drillman some more, this really wasn't what I had in mind.

This week, I've been shopping for music on various second hand sites, which made me realize I don't physically own one of my all time favorite albums: "Squaring The Circle" by Sneaker Pimps. I had to change that immediately. (As well as buying like 15 other CDs and vinyls, lol.) As I was listening to it once again, I realized just how much the song "SOS" reminded me of Drillman and his struggles.

If you don't want to look it up, here are some of the lyrics:

"I look much smaller seen from inside out/Far too small to see myself/Down on reflection, cast in hate and in doubt/Flawed and flaws I add myself"

"Oh mirror mirror hanging on the wall/Please just show me someone else/My hopes were low and I got so much so less/Nothing left to save myself"

Listen, this dude got some major problems with his self esteem. He feels like an embarrassment because he was forced into a life he never wanted by his father. Now he seeks revenge on the company that bought his families business, along with him and apparently his bodily autonomy. Think about that for a minute. How fucked would it be if your parents wanted you to be a doctor, but a requirement for that would be to have your hand surgically removed and replaced with a scalpel. That's the exact situation Drillman found himself in.

Now a lot of people probably think "Well why doesn't he just ask Dr. Light to give him a new pair of hands then, if he's this miserable?" This is where we get to one of Drillmans biggest problems: the refusal to ask for help in any way. And even after the finale of the season, why would he go to the Lights for help in the first place? Wasn't it Aki who thought the best way to help him through his problems was hypnotism? And in the process embarrassing him in front of the whole city, ruining the last bit of reputation he may have had? (For real though, that episode is so hard for me to watch. I just feel so so bad for him, since I really struggle with social anxiety myself.)

As the guys from the Youtube channel "The D-Pad" (who reviewed all of the MMFC episodes) fittingly commented: "This would be like fucking Vietnam for him." And they were right. Obviously, Drillman is horrified that Aki would humiliate him like this and lashes out, solidifying his opinion that asking for help is a bad idea.

In that episode, there's this one moment that really stuck with me. At around the 8 minute mark, while Drillman is having a breakdown over the terrible "music" Aki made him perform, there's this one shot where he takes a moment to look at the drills that replaced his hands in frustration. The camera perspective makes it seem as if we are experiencing this brief scene through his eyes. It's actually quite upsetting. (A link to the moment I'm talking about: youtu.be/OC_jdhoeTrE?si=ZPzAXu…)

This is also a perfect moment for me to gush over the voice acting for this scene. Andrew McNee did such a fantastic job of conveying Drillmans distress and anger through his voice. That reminds me, giving him a British accent was honestly such a good decision.

The reason he doesn't talk at all throughout most of his first appearance is probably because the writers wanted to surprise their audience a little. As in, you see this big, imposing construction robot and think "Oh man, what a brute. He probably has a pretty deep voice." And then he actually starts to speak and it's this sophisticated, well-articulated British voice instead. Quite the whiplash.

To get back to the original topic, I'm honestly still upset that they didn't give Drillman a redemption arc at the end of the show. This probably would have happened in season 2, as Mega Man even says at some point "I know deep down your inner bits are good", proving to me that the writers definitely had something in mind regarding Drillmans character arc.

And now that all of that is out of the way, we can finally get into headcanon territory.

You might have seen this image while browsing the tags and asked yourself, "Why is this Mega Man Fully Charged artwork littered with content warnings?" And well, now that you're here and reading this, you probably know why. I can't say I've ever made myself sick with a drawing before. That's a first for me.

My headcanon is, that after the finale of the show, Drillman is just utterly lost. Lord Obsidian, who sought him out specifically because he knew of Drillmans problems and offered him a place to stay and a way to get revenge on the people he thought responsible for his predicament, turned out to be a horribly racist human who was just using him to achieve his own devious goals. After getting his ass kicked by the Lights, the same people who had not only humiliated him in front of the whole city, but who had also left him stuck to his abusive father for an entire day (I bet that ride to the police station was horrible for all the people involved, most of all the police bots who had to hear the Drillmen yell at each other the whole time), Sgt. Night is detained by the police. We don't actually see what happens after that, because that's where the show ends.

I'd like to think that the Lights actually try to talk to the robot masters once everything is over, telling them all the horrible things their so-called "leader" has said and done. And most importantly, what he thinks of robots: That they're nothing but tools to him. That once they had gotten him his Mega key, he would have wiped their minds and turned them into mindless machines.  

I'm guessing none of the robot masters would take these news well, but most of all Drillman. I think that after he ran away from Skyraisers Inc. and fought Mega Man for the first time, he was really relieved to have some place to stay and a new goal, maybe even a robot to look up to. That being Lord Obsidian of course. Who knows what lies he told Drillman and the others? Kinda sad that we never really got to see what the robot masters who stayed with Lord Obsidian did the entire day. When they weren't causing havoc in the city, that is.

None of them seemed really friendly with each other in the finale, now that I think about it. I guess "Obsidians robot sanctuary" wasn't really a great place to stay at after all. But still better than being homeless, like that one maniac living in the forest all by himself. Speaking of Woodman, in my AU, he and Drillman already knew each other at this point. This also reminds me of something I forgot to mention in my last post. While I'd love to see them interact in any way, because they're both my favorite characters, I don't ship them in any way whatsoever. I'd also like to think that Woodman and Drillmans father were schoolmates back in the day, maybe even friends? (I'm still holding onto those 30 years).

Anyway, after all the former robot comrades part ways, now without a leader, what was Drillman supposed to do? Once again betrayed by a trusted figure, feeling useless and without purpose, still with these stupid drills mounted to his body... Still too ashamed to ask for help. After all that has happened in the past few hours he begins spiraling, which ultimately leads him to make a very unfortunate decision. Trying to get at least some of the freedom in his life back, he attempts to get rid of the drills making up his body on his own, using the same tools that have haunted him all this time to finally rid himself of this burden.

He regrets this just seconds after, when he's left with an unresponsive limb, metal and wires exposed and oil splattered all over his orange plating. All he can do is stare at the stained drill in front of him in horror.

"I never needed such help/This is my SOS"

Jesus Christ that got dark. Sorry. I mentioned in my last post that Drillman possibly has really bad body dysmorphia, which I'm also trying to convey here. Don't worry, he really gets his hands back after this. Maybe the Lights find him after that and the good Doctor offers to fix him up. By which I mean not only his arm. Because apparently, Dr. Light also doubles as robot psychologist. I just really need Drillman to get his happy ending. He really really deserves it after everything he had to go trough over the course of the show. 

I also need him to have a DJing redemption, besides the normal redemption. I've seen people headcanon that he exclusively likes classical music, but I personally don't believe that. He'd be the kind of music nerd who would say stuff like "I listen to everything" and then you look at his playlists and he actually listens to everything. Maybe not experimental noise rock, though. I can just imagine Aki and Suna helping him put on an actual show, this time without any hypnotizing bullshit, as a way for Aki to apologize for the dread he's caused Drillman during that incident. Drillman would be highly suspicious at first, but actually goes along with it in the end. Maybe they'd also take Fireman along, who Dr. Light also blessed with a brand new pair of hands. The punchline at the end would be that Drillman would have so much anxiety about embarrassing himself again, that he forgets to make an actual set list for the gig. In the end, he exclusively plays Lady Gaga songs, which no one complains about.

Alright then, enough yapping from me. I've really been writing this essay since 8pm. And now it's 2am. My god. I just have a lot of feelings about Drillman.

But now I really gotta go to bed. Stay safe peeps. I hope you actually read the content warnings. Jenny out.

[artful-aries]

Genshin Headcanons: How They Apologize (Itto, Albedo, Jean)

​​

​​Itto:

​​Depending on what you fought about, at first, he would be too proud to apologize

​​The One and Oni Arataki Itto, being wrong? Fat chance

​​Yet as you give him the cold shoulder, he grows increasingly pouty. Why aren’t you talking to him and giving him kisses? Don’t you love him anymore? He begins to grow almost insecure the longer you draw out the punishment

​​It doesn’t take long of being ignored till his resolve is crumbling to dust. Depending on how mad you are, Itto might be extra and even get down on his knees as he apologizes to you

​​“(Y/N), my babe, my doll, my honey, my numero two, please don’t be mad at me anymore! I won’t do it again, Oni’s honor! Just please, please stop ignoring me babe. I miss being in your arms, and kissing you.”

​​If you don’t have the patience to ignore him for a while, or his groveling for your affection isn’t enough, you can always talk to Shinobu

​​Within the hour, she will have him whipped into shape with a written apology that he will read out in front of you

​​It would be a nice apology that addresses the issue nicely thanks to Shinobu’s advice. It’s just hard to ignore the giant whelp that Itto seems to have on the back of his head after spending an hour under Shinobu’s strict gaze

​​He will be super grateful that you’ve forgiven him, vowing to never make the same mistake again

​​Itto does surprisingly well about not repeating past offenses, the problem is that he seems to always come up with new ones

​​

​​Albedo:

​​Arguments with him are rare and mostly one sided. It’s not that he doesn’t care, it’s just that he’s usually confused about why you are mad

​​It takes him a while to get around to apologizing to you

​​Albedo not only wants to make sure you have had plenty of time to cool off, but he also wants to make sure that he prepares an articulate apology for you

​​Given that he tries to plan out his apology, it comes out as a bit stiff and script like, but the small furrow of his brows and the concern in his eyes shows that he really does care about your feelings

​​He’s more than happy to talk about your feelings; why you got mad, where things went wrong, and how to not make the same mistakes in the future

Albedo will handle the situation in a very mature way, and make sure that you don’t confuse his stoicism for lack of feeling. He cares very much about what you think, he just has a hard time showing it

​​He’s very keen on making sure there is healthy communication between you two. Albedo isn’t dumb, he knows he can be a bit cold and aloof externally, and communication is the tool he uses to try and combat potential misunderstandings

​​When you have forgiven him, he will give you a tender kiss to your forehead, a wordless promise that he will try to do better for you in the future.

​​

​​Jean:

​​She usually feels a lot of guilt before the argument is even over

​​When it’s possible, she will find a way to interrupt your ranting to apologize, and ask you to calmly talk about the issue with her

​​If you storm out before she gets to apologize, she’s actually very internally distraught, barely able to concentrate on her work with the Knights

​​As soon as the opportunity arises, she’s giving you a bouquet of dandelions to apologize

​​Jean will explain that she knows what upset you and why, and that she feels terrible about it

​​She doesn’t want you to think that just because she’s busy that she doesn’t think about the best way to resolve problems with you

​​Her job is super stressful and she isn’t perfect, but she appreciates your understanding

​​With her apology, you almost completely forget what you were even mad about to begin with; her apology is just that sincere and heartfelt. How could you stay mad at her?

​​Even after she’s forgiven, she will still feel a little awkward and guilty about the argument until you give her a kiss for reassurance; whether it’s on her forehead, cheek, lips, or hands, you’ll have her blushing like a schoolgirl and forgetting what she was torn up about

[miniimapp]

Aaron Z - Actually, Cassidy, I Am Busy

Gen ;; Fluff - Headcanons

Warnings ;; Noooo ??

Proofread + Edited ;; only when adding the seasoning (bold,, italics,, purple,, etc.)

Auth. Note ;; I love highschool!Aaron Z too much,, he's so precious TT^TT

This turned out much longer than anticipated (💀), so I do hope you enjoy !!

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Ah,, the school production

How you've missed the last minute rehearsals, the after show parties, mouthing conversations across the stage and that one girl who got the lead and won't shut the hell up about it

What's not to love ??

Okay,, maybe you're being unnecessarily pessimistic

Because you'll still come back

Every

Single

Time

Honestly,, it's a problem at this point

Like masochism but without the physical pain

Though it is sometimes physical

Like,,

Whoever the fuck is responsible for some of these dance moves needs to chopped into little pieces and fed to some hungry piranhas

You've rolled your ankle and nearly shattered it into smithereens about a hundred times

Rehearsals have just started and you're on your first fucking dance number

Clumsy is looking like a bit of an understatement at this point

You're not normally like this, you swear !!

You're just not much of a dancer

At least not these dance moves anyway

Who decided a high kick followed by step-turn followed by another high kick and then a roll and then a fucking leap into yet another bloody high kick was a good and necessary part of the routine

You'd do just fine with a few arm waves.. maybe a YMCA if we're feeling particularly adventurous

You have a few choice words for them

Or maybe a whole ass speech

We'll see how articulate you are when you find them

As you huff and puff through your anger you don't notice the sound of footsteps behind you

"What are you doing?"

An ungodly shriek flies from your lips as you jump nearly three fucking feet in the air

You curl into a nearby wall, grasping at your chest as if that would slow your racing heart

"What the hell, man?"

You groan at the cackling boy behind you

Aaron Z

Fucking prick

Since being forced together as what essentially boiled down to patient and nurse,, the two of you had grown close

Bit hard not to when you can't catch a single break from one another

"Couldn't resist, sorry."

You held up your fist, shaking it mockingly

"One of these days I'll get a bell on you and then we'll see what's funnier."

"I could be wearing a foghorn that goes off whenever I come within 6 feet of you and you still wouldn't notice. You'd be too stuck inside that head of yours."

You roll your eyes but concede with a smile

"Whatever, man."

"Anyway, wanna let me in on what has you so.. "

"Excited? Thrilled? Jumping for joy? Sure thing, Z, let me fill you in on what I so dearly love about these shows!"

Z furrows his brow and looks almost.. scared ??

Dramatic fucker

"I've truly missed practically breaking my ankle every other second oh so much, haven't you?"

"..I just got off crutches.."

...

Fuck

"Right, that was ill-timed, huh.. but you get my point!"

Z kinda just stares at your blankly as you fight the urge to sigh

"..Okay, so maybe you don't get my point.."

"You know, I don't know if I even know my point.. oh well, just know that my feet hurt and I'm ready to throw hands!"

Z blinked at you slowly before nodding

"Sure, you do that.."

You,, lost in your righteous fury,, don't register the sarcasm and nod firmly

"I absolutely will do that, just you watch me. I swear, when I get my hands on that-"

"Z! We need some help with the choreo over here, could you spare us a second?"

Your eyes narrow at the interruption before widening in slow realisation

"Be right over!" Z yells back before turning to you. "See ya."

You glare at his shrinking figure..

So he's the bitch that's decided to cast ruin upon your ankles..

Very well,, two can play that game !!

You'll give him just as good as you get

Over the following weeks you pulled some..uh,, harmless (??) pranks on Z

All necessary reparations for the damages to your body,, mind and soul,, of course !!

Really,, you didn't ever do anything bad to him.. just caused some mild inconvenience

Like,, when he changed shoes for dancing you'd spray the insides of his trainers with water

Or putting his playlist on shuffle when he's across the room

Or "accidentally" breaking his bluetooth connection by turning off his speaker and then turning it back on again.. multiple times throughout rehearsals

You would never do anything actually harmful !!

All tricks are mildly inconvenient and annoying at worst and funny at best !!

You swear !!

Please no arrest..

A month or so before the show you notice Z getting actually frustrated at one of your little.. pranks

So you decide to quit them,, they were pretty petty after all

Unfortunately,, in the process of putting a stop to your trickster ways Z notices you in your trickster ways

Needless to say,, he's not all that.. impressed

(It's not your fault the guy's been attempting to break your bones every rehearsal,, whether intentionally or not..)

So an apology it is..

SIKE

As if !!

Just because he's perpetually in crutches doesn't mean you want be

Haha loser..

...

Okay,, okay

So maybe you do apologise after all

That last thought made you feel kinda bad.. it's not Z's fault his limbs are too long and don't listen to him

(It's prolly because they're so far away from his brain..)

Although,, and you hate to admit it,, he somehow overcomes the limits of his lankiness and becomes quite.. graceful when he dances

It's pretty cool to watch..

He looks very at home,, not just in the space but also in his body

It's enchanting to watch

(IN A COMPLETELY PLATONIC WAY AHAHAHAHA)

Haha..

.. anyway

Z, to your surprise, takes the situation really well

Like,, bursts out laughing kinda well

Which, let's be clear, you were so relieved by, you'd been expecting him to be pretty upset about it

But no,, Z's spent enough time around his friends and their pranks to be able to find the humour in your "revenge"

If anything you accidentally incite a prank wars type situation

Which really solidifies your crush ahem,, sorry friendship

You know what they say,, friends that prank together stay together

(Though I guess it's less pranking together and more each other.. oh well)

The war spans the rest of the rehearsal period,, each one a (probably sloppy) attempt to one-up the last

It's fun

And better yet it's mostly harmless

Mostly...

There was that one time a bucket barely missed your head when Z was attempting to douse you in glitter

At least you would've had a concussion in style ??

Anyway,, the prank war was pretty much harmless

No fatal wounds were received which has to count as a win,, right ??

You both made it to opening night unharmed !!

And someone seemed to pick up on your disgruntled attitude during dance rehearsals because suddenly there were a lot more breaks and in depth dance breakdowns

And wouldn't you know it,, the ensemble began picking everything up 12x faster

A greater miracle you've never seen

And if by opening night the prank wars are somehow still going..

Well,, the glint in Z's eyes whenever they catch yours tells you more than enough

You're in for a treat

[sigynpenniman]

The frustrating thing about being a Disney adult is that sometimes Disney will make a decision or an announcement I don’t totally love (tearing out Tom Saywer island and the river to fit in cars and villains) but I remain generally optimistic about the overall thing (I’m very excited for cars and villains) and even though my feelings are sort of complex I basically have to settle into full Disney defense mode and get ready to act like it’s the best idea ever because when you go on Twitter everyone who’s mad about it is straight using fascist dog whistles. I don’t think it’s really a known thing outside of Disney people just HOW MANY staunch Disney people, very specifically Magic Kingdom people, are extremely extremely right wing. The biggest Disney passholder group that has over 300K members is run by a man who wears custom trump shirts and ears to the parks, posts photos of himself wearing them, and then starts going ARE YOU TRIGGERED? IT’S JUST A SHIRT when people point out to him he’s breaking the “no political posts” rules HE SET in his own group. I’m not super jazzed to be losing Tom Sawyer island but any time Disney does something like this if you dig into the pages of almost anyone who’s Extremely Loudly Angry they’re busy CLAIMING it’s because Nostalgia and Sightlines ans Park Design but when you scroll for five minutes it becomes increasingly obvious that they’re actually pissed off because Magic Kingdom is very slowly removing the bits which uncritically play acted some very dark parts of America’s history and while I honestly don’t think Disney actually gives a shit and won’t give them the credit to claim they’re doing it on purpose, the people who are upset about it very much always are even if they don’t quite know it. It’s very very hard to articulate without actually being inside it but there’s this very specific contingent of people who get EXTREMELY UPSET about these sorts of changes and use extremely charged language like “shameful” “disgraceful” “dancing on someone’s grave” “Disney is dying” about a theme park ride that makes it very obvious they are in fact just deifying some fantasy idea of squeaky clean white conservative Americana and they’re very very angry about “tradition” and “legacy” and “removing what matters” but suddenly get realllllly uncomfortable and completely unable to pin down exactly what “legacy” we’re losing. And I know it sounds like it’s not that serious but I ASSURE you it is. If you go scroll almost any Twitter account that’s like, unhealthily angry about the removal of Tom Sawyer and start reading their posts deeper I absolutely promise you they will all be about how we’re “losing American history” and “Disney hates America” and “this is a disgrace to Walt’s vision” and like straight up posting photos of old plaques from Frontierland that talk about the great American colonizing spirit of faith in god and going “I wonder why Disney hates this now 👀👀👀” as some sort of stupid conservative gotcha. Like yes I am quite unhappy they’re taking out Tom Sawyer island because I fucking love those spooky ass caves but I have no intention of saying that out loud because I want absolutely nothing and no association with the spectacularly loud group of people who are using Theme Park Drama to post literal fascist dog whistles and whine about how they’re Erasing Your History. Shut up

[heyheydidjaknow]

wake up babe heyheydidja let their creative brain juices flow and posted a fic

And on that note here’s another fic— longer this time— about another character I have written for exactly once. This time for the otome game! It’s been sitting in my drive for 2+ months and now it’s going to see the light of day. We’re breaking down fanfiction author stereotypes this week.

Existential Horror

Luciel had been introduced to horror as a genre fairly early on all things considered. He had never been partial to classic literature— he was not really partial to literature in general once he fell into the rhythm of his new life and allowed himself to enjoy the World Wide Web and all its associated horrors— but in those early days spent waiting on bated breath for instruction from above, he had spent his time— rather, the time that was not spent worrying about his brother— reading whatever books his handler happened to have picked up and tossed aside. Vanderwood’s tastes rubbed off on him to an extent; by the time he had enough regular work to keep himself too busy to sit down and read a book, Seven had a thorough appreciation for the genre. But they did not enjoy their novels in the same way; when Vanderwood would ask Seven about them to break the suffocating silence that hung around him like a heavy fog back then, he was completely unable to engage in meaningful conversation with him about books they had both read. Luciel attributed this to Vanderwood’s lack of connection to the text. Vanderwood enjoyed the books, as far as he could tell, because he got a kick out of interacting with stories about people losing their minds to things beyond their control. Luciel was too close to it, the words too intimate and personal for him to see as anything but a perfectly rational articulation of a feeling he had always felt, would always feel. It was comforting, knowing that someone else— fictional as they may be— understood him.

It was still a challenge, years later, to articulate how he had been informed of his position. He imagined it would be a bit like a child trying to explain gravity; the mechanics were beyond him, but the truth of the matter was indubitable. He supposed it was in his programming to understand only in this most basic sense. He supposed it would be problematic if he understood more than he did. He doubted knowing beyond what he did would do him much good.

Your arrival— your avatar’s arrival— made things make sense. He knew as soon as he saw her face what her role was, and understood intrinsically who she was to him, to the world. A remarkably unremarkable yet decidedly beautiful woman so naive as to follow the words of a stranger on the internet to Rika’s apartment: she played her role as a stand-in beautifully and shined in all her hazy glory. Her words were perfectly intelligible yet decidedly lacked character, her visage was without distinguishable quality and was yet undeniably appealing, her voice stuck in the mind only in the same way the characters in books’ voices did and she did very little outside of sit, answer emails and make simple conversation. As she was destined to do, she caught the attention of every single member of the RFA— himself included. She would shower the members in praise and affection for the eleven days they had together, enter a relationship with them, enjoy domestic bliss for a nebulous period of time— he had given up trying to nail down numbers a long time ago— before the memories they had formed together gently disintegrated. All traces of her would be scrubbed from their lives and she would be reintroduced as a fresh face for the group to fawn over once again. When she was with Seven there would occasionally be a longer grace period in which he was allowed to reunite with his brother for a time before the cycle repeated itself but the ending stayed the same regardless of who she attached herself to.

Oddly enough, he did not mind the routine itself. It was hard to hate something so inherently sweet, something that felt— despite the objective reality of the situation— so simple and innocent. You— the nebulous you he knew to exist— were not acting maliciously. You were playing a game that he and everyone else happened to be a part of, and you had not, in your play, acted maliciously. You had made mistakes and encouraged behaviors that he and the other members of the RFA should not have engaged in, but you were never cruel. It was hard to hate you not only because of his position but also because you were genuinely hard to dislike, and while that was sometimes more frustrating than just hating you outright he could not help but continue to be drawn to you and your replacement by proxy.

He had memories of you. They were distant, but he swore had them. They were near indistinguishable from his memories of your proxy– which, themselves, were hardly concrete– but if he stayed up until his eyes could barely take it he could swear to know the echo of your smile, your voice, your fingers.

He tried not to think of you much. He liked to think he had more important things to worry about.

The night it started was normal enough. Everyone was in the RFA chat room late at night— odd in general but standard for the beginning of a route— and a stranger entered the chat room. There was general distress around the stranger’s arrival, Seven pretended to do a background check on the stranger— he had stopped bothering the third time through— and everyone else introduced themselves. The beats played themselves out, words flying by at the same pace they always did as the stranger explained their position and what they were doing in an allegedly dead woman’s apartment. Jokes were made, hits replayed, and everyone went to bed or back to whatever it was they had been doing before the stranger appeared. He had seen every single combination of words that she could send in response to the various threats and propositions you received; he barely bothered to read the wall of text that flew by. Nothing happened on the first day; no need to reread events already decidedly set in stone.

His first tip that something was up was when he went to text her. After her admission into the RFA, she was always a bit nervous– understandable, given the circumstances– so he always made the move to message her, to make her feel more comfortable even though it did not matter much in practice.

He introduced himself. He asked for any updates regarding the hacker. He welcomed her.

Her response was new.

‘It’s a pleasure, Seven. Sorry for freaking everyone out; hope I haven’t given you too much work lol’

He took his glasses off, wiping them on his shirt. He took a deep breath, put them back on, and reread the text.

It was the same as it had been a second ago. He reread it again.

Again.

The text did not change.

“You planning on staring at your phone all night?”

He sat straight up as though shaken awake, head snapping back to look at an otherwise undisturbed Vanderwood.

He did not bother to look up from the file on his lap. “If you’ve got time to dick around on your phone you have time to work. You know the deadline you were given wasn’t a suggestion, right?”

The laugh that came from Seven sounded forced even to him. “What, seriously?” He set his phone down on his desk face down, wiping his shaky hands off on his jeans. “I could have sworn I read somewhere time is relative.”

“For as high as you seem to be half the time you’re not orbiting the Earth yet.” He crossed one of his legs over the other. “Your tone isn't inspiring confidence either. Something happen?”

His heart was pounding in his throat. “Nothing,” he smiled brightly. “RFA got hacked is all.”

Vanderwood whistled.

“Right?” He swallowed. “I guess it serves me right not checking my work; guess that’s what I get for not having a good work-life balance!” He shrugged. “But it’s nothing serious; I’ll find who did it after I’m done with this.”

He reached down to grab his coffee. “You’re awfully chipper.”

Seven looked back at his computer. “You sound surprised.”

“For as much as you freak out about that server, I am.” He took a sip, setting it back down by his feet. “You lose your mind over the emotes not working but a security breach is no big deal?”

“Security breach, shemcurity breach.” He waved it off, fingers typing away at the keyboard. “If you stress everything that goes wrong you’ll never have time to live.”

“Those would be wise words coming from someone else’s mouth.”

Seven leaned back in his chair, beaming at his handler. “I have my moments.” He sat back up straight, grabbing his phone from the desk and shoving it into his pocket. “I’m going on a soda run. Want anything?”

“Bought some earlier.”

He stood up, kicking his chair back into place. “Then I’m grabbing dinner. Do you want anything?”

“You don’t eat dinner.”

He grabbed his keys. “Then I’m going to an undisclosed location for an undisclosed amount of time where snacks and food will be available, my true intentions known only to me. Do you want anything?”

Vanderwood looked up at him, giving him the same once-over he supposed most parents gave their older children. It had been a while since he had that look on his face, mild concern mixed with justified suspicion; the last time had been when he was still a kid.

Seven broke eye contact first. “I won’t be long,” he promised begrudgingly. “Three hours, tops. Just been inside too long is all.”

There was a long pause.

He sighed, looking back down at his file. “Bring back cream; I forgot some while I was out.”

Luciel was on the main road. The nearest gas station was an hour out. Luciel was not going to the nearest gas station. Luciel was going to the little grocery store an hour or so out from where she was. Luciel was also taking the long way and following all posted and implied traffic laws. Luciel wanted this to be a long trip. Luciel wanted it to be light out by the time he got back.

Twenty minutes in, he pulled over. Alone on a dark road in his silent cat, he pulled out his phone again and reread the message.

It had not changed. It was real.

Saeyoung knew she knew her position. He did not know if she knew the same way that he did what her role was, but he knew that she knew at least what she was meant to do. She acted the way she was meant to every time like clockwork, had said the same two things every time he had sent that first message. It had felt right every time. He knew in his bones that she had said exactly what she had been meant to every time from the very first reset. He knew how she texted. That was not her.

The original chatroom had been deleted. For whatever reason the first one always was. The profile of the new member was the same as it always was. A quick review of the CCTV footage— the same brief, unbothered look he always gave the footage at the beginning— showed that she was at Rika’s apartment. The person on the other end of the line, in theory, was her. All the same, he knew she was not.

He was meant to call now, at this time. He always did after she was done talking with Yoosung about LOLOL and his barely disguised predator-prey kink. He was never nervous to make the call— it was a stupid call, a joke call that did not and should not matter— but the thought of it going to you— not the woman sitting in his apartment but you, the real you— made him lightheaded. He barely knew how to process the idea that you might have access to the messenger. He could not even begin to comprehend how you could access the messenger directly considering your position; the idea was so far-fetched it bordered on unbelievable. But if you had…

He let his head fall against the steering wheel. The issue had gone from an abstract, quiet horror to a pressing matter of real consequence. You were not God, but you were closer to it than he was; you may not have created the universe, but your proxy and her presence did have a profound impact on their world. It was hard not to be taken aback by the prospect of interacting with a higher power. He barely knew how to process the confirmation of your existence— if this was a confirmation— let alone wrap his head around the mechanics of someone like you interacting with someone like him. You operated on a completely different plane than him. None of this should have been possible in the first place. How could he possibly—

Your profile picture showed up on his phone. You were calling him.

His thumb hovered over the accept button, fingers tingling. It was late. You should have been asleep. He should have been able to call you and not have you pick up. He should have been able to think this through further, to come up with a game plan.

He sank in his seat, pulling his headphones over his ears. He held his breath. He answered the call.

“Hello?”

Saeyoung had received his first pair of glasses eight years before. For most of his life, he had been largely unable to see anything further than his hand stretched out in front of him. He had been reluctant to see an optometrist when V had suggested it, had barely even noticed that he was unable to see because he had no other frame of reference. His brother, he had insisted, just had exceptionally good eyes; he could function perfectly fine without going through the trouble. V had insisted and had offered to pay for a sturdy pair out of pocket, and after much resistance, Saeyoung had agreed to it. Getting medical confirmation that he could not see was something of a shock, but not totally surprising. To see the world the way it was in pictures, on the other hand, to really know— to know in the basic sense as opposed to the intrinsic one— that trees were composed of intertwining limbs and leaves you could count as opposed to big masses of color had been revelatory. He had known what things looked like. He could point at a tree before he got glasses and identify it as such. But that was nothing compared to what he had when he could finally see.

It was about the same with you. He had known intrinsically what your voice was in the same way he knew that trees had leaves and branches: common sense mixed with grounded assumptions. He assumed— correctly— that your voice vaguely sounded like hers, that there was some element of you in her that attracted him. Your voice was not hers, though. It was similar in the way that all sweets taste sweet; her voice was so indistinct that your voice was similar by default. Your voice, to him, was what he had liked about her voice in a concentrated form, distinctly you and decided in its identity, and this concentrated dose of you— not the watered-down shit he got through her, but you, the person he was born to be in love with— was almost more than he could take.

You were talking. You were speaking English, mumbling obscenities about a button not working and how he must not be able to understand you because of the linguistic difference. “Maybe if I hang up—“

The words were out of his mouth before he could think what he was saying. “I speak English.”

Your laugh— nervous as it was— was yours and it was perfect. He had never really heard her laugh so he had little to compare it to, but the sound seemed to soothe an ache he had not known existed. “Holy— wow, that is good.” You cleared your throat. “You know, I wasn’t sure what you’d sound like, but you sound almost the same as you did before. It’s totally cool.”

A grin spread across his face. You liked his voice. You had told him that you liked his voice. “Thank you,” he said lamely. “I’m glad you like it.”

“That’s good. That you like that I like it, I mean.” You were cute. “I would be a bit bummed if you— well, not bummed, but I don’t know how I’d react if you disliked that I like your voice.”

At least you were nervous too. He had no idea why you of all people were nervous, but it made him feel less pathetic for being so on edge. “I don't know that I’ve ever been complimented on my voice before,” he admitted, trying to fall back into his usual rhythm. “But I don’t think many people would mind someone saying they like their voice.”

“I hope not.” There’s a cracking sound on your end. “It would be totally awkward if I called you something out of left field.”

He relaxed in his seat. As the shock of the situation wore off his brain kicked back into gear, the gaps in his mind beginning to fill themselves with this new information. He had never really considered the idea of meeting you, but he was unsurprised to find himself more comfortable like this– talking to you– than he had been speaking with the woman he had asked to be his wife in some distant memory. “Don’t worry; Vanderwood’s given me a thick skin over the years.”

You hummed in acknowledgment, not pointing out his slip up to his relief. “How long have you known her?”

He considered it. “Five, six years?”

“That’s a while.”

“Sort of.” He shrugged. “That’s twenty-five-point-two percent of my life give or take; in the grand scheme of things, that isn’t all that long.”

“In all fairness,” you point out, “it’s a bit unfair to count a few of those years; nobody remembers the first couple.”

He tutted. “Gotta disagree with you there. Just because I don’t have very many memories from when I was little doesn’t mean they shouldn’t count in the total.”

“Why not?”

“Why wouldn’t you?” He fiddled with the string of his hoodie. “I mean, just because someone gets blackout drunk doesn’t mean the time they spent blackout drunk didn't happen, right? And even if I don’t remember some stuff that’s happened,” he continued, a lump forming in his throat, “or I don’t have a good grasp of when things happened, they still happened, didn’t they? My memory can’t be the only thing that determines whether something’s happened, right?”

“Sure it is.” You did not seem to catch onto his mood switch; he was thankful for that. “I mean, photos can be doctored and videos can be faked and records altered; not to get philosophical on you, but what else can we trust besides our memories?” You sighed. “But then again, memories aren’t tangible and the human brain is famously unreliable, so maybe we’re all fucked and doomed to try to hold onto false memories and will them into being.”

He took a slow, deep breath. “Fair point.” He laughed, scratching the back of his neck. “I wish I took more photos; I should ask V to show me how.” His eyes softened as he tried to swallow the bad taste in his mouth. “At least if I have physical photos they’d be harder to alter, right? It’d be nice to have confirmation that my memories are trustworthy.”

“I guess if you have a place to keep them safe.”

He had tried taking pictures a few reboots in on a polaroid camera he ordered online. He had taken a photo of her and Jaehee and kept it in his phone case. It had disappeared when she reintroduced herself a while later.

You cleared your throat. “What do I call you? Seven? Luciel? Or would you rather something else?”

‘Do you remember?’ That was the question you meant to ask, whether you and he held the same bond as he did with her. In truth, the memories he had of his time with her were only a bit more tangible than you had been. They were recollections of dreams he knew to be true, fantasies played out by another version of himself. He had little idea of what their relationship– the one between him and her and her and you– meant to you, but he felt as strange about her calling him Saeyoung as he did about you doing the same.

“Seven’s fine.” He forced himself to relax, smiling into the receiver. “Or Seven O’ Seven. Or Supreme Defender of Justice Seven Zero Seven if you want to show your reverence.”

Your smile sounded more natural than his. “How humble of you.”

“One of my many virtues.” He twisted his headphone cord around his finger, stopped. “What should I call you?”

You told him your name.

He tried to compare it to her name in his head. He did not know if he had forgotten it or if he had never known it in the first place. He repeated it back to you, committing it to memory.

You moved your mouth closer to the receiver, signing heavily into it. “How’d you come up with your name? Seven Zero Seven, I mean; what’s its significance?”

“Oh, loads of things.” He looked out the windshield into the night sky. “It’s an area code, an error code, an angel number, a pop culture reference– it’s got layers.”

It sounded like you were on a bed. “Walk me through them.”

He sat up a bit in his seat. “Seven Zero Seven is the area code for the northwesternmost part of California, which was where I stayed to learn English before I started school. Seven Zero Seven is also an uncommon error code that I struggled to get down, which I thought was funny because the code itself is an error code for partial data retrieval.” He swallowed. “Seven Zero Seven in numerology is supposed to be symbolic of spiritual awakening– you can guess why I liked that– and seeing it a lot means you’re supposed to take time to focus on yourself instead of your relationships with other people, which was…” He trailed off. “Well, you can guess.” He cleared his throat. “And Seven O’ Seven is a play on Double O Seven, aka James Bond, which is also pretty cool.”

Your voice was soft. “You thought of all that?”

“I had a very long car ride.”

You snorted.

“It’s true!” He crisscrossed his legs on the seat. “I was in a ‘93 Oldsmobile Cutlass with a broken air conditioner in late September; I was going nuts sitting in the car so long so I told myself to finally decide on a name before we got to San Mateo for something to do and all the pieces just sort of fell together.”

“I’m not doubting that it happened,” you insisted. “I’m just– it’s really in character, you know? Like, it’s such a you thing to do.”

“Is that an insult?”

“Not at all.” You sounded sincere. “I really like you; I like learning more about you.”

His cheeks warmed. “Don’t get too used to it,” he warned, half joking. “I’m a very secretive person.”

You were a dream. “It’s funny; I feel like I know you so well already.”

“Maybe you did in a past life.” He closed his eyes, trying and failing to picture you, to make you real in his head. “Maybe you do know me and I just don’t know you.”

“Do you want to know me?”

His heart ached. “More than anything.”

“You have my permission, if you’re looking for it.” You swallowed. “I don’t know if I’m worth knowing, but you’re more than welcome to if you want.”

“You are.” He hoped he did not sound as earnest as he was. “I promise, you are.”

“You sound very sure of yourself.”

“I am.”

Your answer was polite, if nervous. “That’s really sweet of you to say.”

His sighed. “You don’t believe me.”

“Not because I don’t trust you,” you insisted quickly. “I just don’t know how you’d make that call, you know?”

“I have good intuition,” he insisted.

You laughed. “Nobody’s intuition’s that good.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Sure I do. Besides–” You caught yourself, scrambled to recover. “Well, in any case, I don’t know how well your intuition can work if you can only talk to someone through a phone.”

“You’d be surprised.” He sat up straighter. “I bet I can tell loads about you from your online presence.”

You hummed in acknowledgment. “Lay it on me, then.”

He took a deep breath. “You’re… lonely,” he decided. “That’s why you showed up in our lives, why you haven’t left yet. Maybe not all the time, maybe not around people, but in some capacity, you feel alone or felt alone and you feel better being here than dealing with your own loneliness.” He swallowed. “But you’re kind. You care about things and people even when their problems don’t directly affect you. You have a good sense of right and wrong and try to make do with the choices you’re given, even if they aren’t great.”

A pause, then, “You make me sound like a better person than I am.”

He smiled. “I have a feeling you’ll have more options than you’re used to this time around,” he teased. “If I’m right– which, not to brag, but I usually am– that means you’ll have plenty of opportunity to prove me wrong if you want.”

“I guess so.” Your voice sounded softer now. “I hope I’m not too much of a disappointment.”

“You won’t. You aren’t.” He checked the time. “Are you falling asleep?”

“A little.” You yawned. “But I’ve got to pay every time I make a phone call so I want to keep this going as long as possible.”

He rolled his eyes. “Go to sleep,” he urged. “If it’s that much trouble, I’ll call you, okay? Don’t worry about it.”

“But then you need to pay for the call.”

“I could stop working today and never have to work a day in my life; I can afford to call you.”

It was hard to tell if the worry he heard was real or not. “You promise?”

“Cross my heart.” He fixed his glasses. “Before I leave, though, can you understand what we type alright? I think I might have installed a translator a while ago for Yoosung to use to study but I don’t remember if it actually worked all that well.”

You hummed contentedly. “Works like a dream,” you promised sleepily. “Google Translate can eat its heart out.”

He chuckled. “Good, good.” He picked his phone back up, thumb hovering over the call button. “Well,” he supposed, “this is where I leave you.”

“So it is.”

A pause. His finger stayed where it was.

You snorted. “You are so you.” There was a rustling of blankets on your end. “Goodnight, Seven.”

“You too. Oh,” he started, “and one last thing?”

“Yeah?”

His face flushed. “Thank you,” he said. “For showing up, I mean. It means a lot.”

He hoped he did not imagine the affection he heard in your voice. “It means more to me, I promise.”

You hung up.

It took him a second to get back on the road.

A while ago, Luciel had taken the time to sit down and really, objectively consider his situation. He had come to the conclusion that if he were to assign a genre to his life he would call it an existential horror. You were an entity greater than himself whose whims he was held victim and whose intentions were barely understood. His limited understanding nearly crippled him, leaving him alone and stuck in a constant haze of half-formed memories he had no way of grounding. In any other life, he would have hated you. In any other circumstance, with any other person, he probably would wished for your death so he could at least have the chance to hold onto something permanent.

But he was not alone anymore.

You remembered. He had you.

And if the price of having you in any capacity was for him to live the way he did, he would.

[gunilslaugh]

Hiii, first time asker hehe

I was wondering if you could do Seungmin when he likes someone a few years older than him.

I feel like he would have more audacity and he more cheeky than usual.

Like she tells him she’s not interested in younger guys and he’s like “a challenge how fun” kind of vibe? Idk if this makes sense haha

Thank you for your content🥰

Hello, welcome first time asker lol. I hope you like your request!

Oh Seungmin

Summary: You weren’t interested in younger guys, however Seungmin was determined to prove himself to be an exception. (non-idol au) (office au)

WC:~1.7k

Warning:none

photo not mine credits to owner.

Your office had just received a new hire and of course your boss had to assign you as the one to train them. It’s not like you hate the new hire, you haven’t even met them yet, but you don’t particularly like that you have to train somebody new on top of getting your work for the current project you’re working on done. A part of you wanted to suggest (argue) with your boss that the head of your department would be better suited for training the new hire. Alas the head of your department was actually on a business trip to do field research. Now why your boss picked you out of all the other employees in your department you aren’t quite sure. What you did know was that you unfortunately can’t get out of it. 

You arrived at work a bit earlier than usual to settle your things before the new hire would arrive. You were busy editing a document when the new hire arrived. 

“Y/n this is the new hire you will be training. I’m sure you’ll treat him well.” One of the other employees of the office informed you. You stood up from your chair, dusting off the imaginary dirt from your pants. 

“Nice to meet you. I’m Seungmin.” The new hire introduced himself with a smile. 

“I’m y/n. Let me show you around the office.” You stepped outside of your cubicle area. You began to walk around the office with Seungmin, showing him around the different departments, where the copying room was, the breakroom, storage, bathrooms. 

“Now this room is ‘top secret’. This is the room where we come to when we’re hiding from our work.” You opened the door to reveal a shabby looking room. There was literally nothing in it. You supposed it was supposed to be another storage room, but never ended up being used as one. Instead it sits empty with flickering lights and white walls that are painting themselves beige. “It may not look like much, but when you’re having a hard day you’ll find that it feels like a sanctuary,” you told. 

“Duly noted,” Seungmin said. He looked around the empty room. His eyes stopped on you, taking a nice look. You noticed, but didn’t say anything. Seungmin had actually been taking glances at you the entire tour. He couldn’t help it. You looked so beautiful. The way you showed him around. You had a professional nature, but at the same time there was this hint that you didn’t particularly care to be doing what you’re doing right now. You spoke articulately about your office and how it runs, but you half-hazardly pointed things out. Like your words said one thing, but your body language said another. It successfully piqued Seungmin’s interest in you. 

You ended the tour by coming full circle back to your department. You showed Seungmin where his cubicle was, which happened to be across from yours on the left side. You started to get him set up with some simpler work. Seungmin tried his best to pay attention to what you were telling him. It was proving to be difficult though with the way you unintentionally leaned closer to him to show him what to do with the documents on his screen. 

“Alright, that should do it. If you have any questions, my cubicle is right over there.” you pointed across the way to your cubicle.

“Great, thanks,” Seungmin states. Seungmin watches you walk the short couple of steps back over to your cubicle. Seungmin couldn’t help but steal glances at you throughout the rest of the work day. 

At the end of the day you traveled the short distance over to Seungmin’s cubicle to check on his work. Again Seungmin couldn’t help but admire you as your eyes scanned over the documents on his computer screen. 

“There are a couple of errors that need to be fixed, but this isn’t bad for a new hire. Good job,” you told Seungmin, straightening up from peering over at his computer screen. 

“Do I get a reward for that?” Seungmin asked cheekily. A bit of a suggestive manner in his eyes. 

“You’re paycheck,” you answered blankly. Then you proceeded to walk back over to your desk to pack up for the day. Seungmin didn’t expect you to be so cold to him, however it only made him more interested in you. Igniting a bit of a spark in him. 

Seungmin fully intended on acting on the newly lit spark in him. Any time at work he would take the chance to flirt with you. It didn’t even matter if others were around. He had no shame about his flirting with you. You typically would brush off Seungmin’s flirting, which unfortunately for you only encourages him more. After a couple of weeks of his flirting you finally confronted him about it. 

“Seriously Seungmin what is your deal?” You cornered him in the break room when nobody else was there. 

“Can I not flirt with the girl I like?” he returned. 

“Well the girl you like isn’t interested in guys younger than her. Sorry,” you rejected him. That wasn’t going to stop Seungmin though. 

“C’mon I’m only three years younger than you. I can be an exception,” he stated. 

“I’m really not interested in you Seungmin.” You reject him for a second time and begin to walk towards the exit of the breakroom. 

“You just want me to chase after you for a while don’t you? That’s ok I can do that. I like a challenge,” Seungmin calls out after you as you leave the breakroom. 

Seungmin meant it when he said he could chase after you. That’s exactly what he did. He would get you coffee and leave little notes on your cups. Saying stuff like: “Your smile makes me happy :)”, “You’re working hard”, “The only way you could be more perfect would be if you were mine”, “I know these notes make you happy, so why not let me make you happy?”. He would pull your chair out for you when your department had your weekly meetings. He would run and be your errand boy whenever you needed copying done, something from storage or another department. 

Despite all of Seungmin’s chasing you still wouldn’t let him into your heart. You did open up to him more and even started to treat him as a friend. Seungmin wanted to be more than your friend though. He just wanted you to be his. He wanted to look out for you, remind you to take breaks when you got hyper fixated on a project, have meals with you, send you good morning and goodnight texts with random text throughout the day simply because he was thinking about you. He wanted to cuddle you in his arms. His intentions were pure even if was a bit cheeky with his flirting. At the end of the day he really did just want to love you. 

Seungmin notices that it has been quite some time since you stepped out of your cubicle. He was pretty sure you didn’t have any meeting to attend to, so he wondered what was taking you so long. He couldn’t really focus on his work cause he could think about where you possibly disappeared off to. That’s when he remembers what you said about the “top secret” room. That it could feel like a sanctuary when you’re having a hard day. Seungmin honestly hopes that he’s wrong as he stands up from his chair and begins to head in the direction of the “top secret” room. He gently knocks on the door before opening it. Sure enough he finds you sitting in the corner of the poorly lit room with your knees tucked up to your chest. He closes the door behind him and carefully walks over to you, taking a seat right beside you. 

“Are you alright?” he softly asks you. Instead of answering him verbally you shake your head. Seungmin places a comforting hand on your knee. 

“I’m sure whatever it is, it'll be ok. It’s probably really stressful right now, but you always figure it out,” he comforts you. 

“What if I don’t?” Your voice sounds so dejected, it pains Seungmin’s heart. 

“Then I’ll figure it out for you,” he declares. 

“Huh? You don’t even know what’s bothering me,” you say. 

“True, but I really just want to take care of you y/n. I know my flirting style is kinda cheeky and maybe you don’t take it seriously because of that, but I really care about you y/n. I want to make you happy, help you with any problems you encounter, make sure you eat your meals, take you out on silly little dates, be the person you think about before you fall asleep or,” he lets out a bit of a chuckle.  “Be the person who you fall asleep beside. I want to hold you in my arms.” Seungmin very carefully and slowly wraps one of his arms around your shoulders, giving you plenty of time to shove him away. “I want to love you y/n if you’ll let me.” Seungmin silently waits for you to respond. The silence is killing him though.

“I meant it when I said I was interested in younger guys,” you finally spoke. Even though you rejected Seungmin again and again month after month. He never let it deter him from liking you. This time however your words actually hurt him a bit. Seungmin opened his mouth, but before he could say anything you kept talking. “You might be able to be an exception though,” you continued. Now Seungmin’s heart is filled with hope. 

“You’re giving me a chance?” He had to make sure. 

“Mhm, you better not waste it,” you threatened him. 

“I would never.” He wraps his other arm around you pulling you towards him. You let him, resting your head on his shoulder. “As much as I like this we should probably get back to work,” Seungmin states after a few moments. 

“In a few minutes. Let’s stay like this for a few more minutes.” You snuggled your head further onto his shoulder. Seungmin definitely wasn’t going to tell you no. He pulls you impossibly closer to him, resting his head on top of yours. 

[dujour13]

eros 3 & 4 and philautia 1 & 2 please!!

Thanks Romeo 💕💕

Putting a disclaimer on this again - this only goes for my own little headcanon version of Woljif!

Eros 3

How do they feel about public displays of romantic affection? Does it make them uncomfortable? How do they feel if a romantic partner kisses them in public?

Woljif has a complicated relationship with this. Once he starts getting affection he craves it like a starving man, but it takes him a long while to be ok with public displays. His tough guy appearance is part of his survival gear and getting butterfly smooches from an azata will undermine that pretty quick.

Eventually as word gets out about his relationship with the chief, and he simply can’t keep up a front against Sia’s overflowing affection, he’s more able to take it in stride. That also has to do with finding acceptance over the course of his adventures and not having to be as afraid of looking vulnerable.

Eros 4

Do they believe in love at first sight? Have they ever developed a crush or romantic (or erotic) fixation upon a stranger based on their appearance alone?

Woljif will laugh in your face if you ask him this, and then quickly find something else to do so you won’t see him blush. If you can get him to, he might confide he’s had a couple crushes. In my hc when he was a teenager there was a human girl who sold apples at the market, and although they never had a chance to talk he got a good vibe from her because she didn’t raise a fuss when he stole an apple or two. Coincidentally she had honey-colored hair, not unlike a certain bard. That came to a sudden end when he jumped out of a dark alley to introduce himself and didn’t realize until too late what effect that might have. So no – he doesn’t. It wasn’t exactly love at first sight with Siavash, either. “Hey Dreamboat” was obviously a ploy, even if the bard really was kind of a dreamboat. He developed a crush pretty fast after that and recognized it as such, but still kept telling himself it was because Siavash would make a good business partner.

Philautia 1

Does your OC have a healthy sense of their own worth and value? Or do they see themselves as failing to live up to their original potential? Perhaps they are convinced of their own sinful or inadequate nature?

Oh the killer question for my boy 😭 On the one hand he’ll yell himself hoarse about how unfair a tiefling’s lot is in Mendev, but on the other he’s internalized that he’s inferior by nature. I hc that he’s even a little bit scared of the Abyss within and creeped out by his own shadow. And of course he’s heard nothing but denigration from all sides since childhood, abandoned by his parents, hollered at and neglected by Gran, hounded by Crusaders, and that kind of thing sinks in after a while. His whole arc is learning through the Crusade and his relationship with Siavash that he’s worthy of being loved.

Philautia 2

Does your OC believe that it is important to love themselves in the first instance? Perhaps in order to be able to give and receive love authentically? Or because they believe first and foremost in "looking after number one"?

His obvious answer to the first and third questions is Hells yes, you have to look out for number one. But if you follow up with the second question he’d have a hard time answering, because it’s only at the end of the Crusade that he begins to believe he deserves love, and also begins to be able to give it unconditionally, and I don’t hc him as having much EQ, so I don’t think he could articulate the connection between those two things. He has to believe his heart is worth giving before he can give it, but I think he only knows that on a gut level.

[thefandomwritersblog]

Ghost of the Ten

Horizon: Forbidden West

Hekarro x Fem!OldOne OC

Action/Adventure/Romance/Hurt/Comfort

Chapter 20

Part 3: Ghost of the Ten

"It's always been hard for me to tell the difference between denial and what used to be known as hope." Michael Chabon

~~

Day whatever the fuck this is

I've lost track of the days; they all blend together in a blur. Part of me doesn't want to know how long it's been since I woke up, as if not knowing will make this reality easier to cope with. But it’s a fucking stupid hope; I know better. I’m so fucking angry all the time; at myself, at this life I didn't ask for. Shouldn't I have moved past this by now? Done something—anything—instead of wallowing in my own damn misery every single day? Why the hell was it me? Why was I the one put in ice and not Anne?

She could have made a difference here, shaped something out of this chaos. But no, it's just me, and I don’t know if I can do this anymore. I don’t want to be here, there’s no purpose left for me here, nothing worth fighting for anymore. I go to bed and I pray I don’t wake up in the morning. 

I’m always disappointed when I do.

~~

Victoria muttered a string of curses, the charcoal slipping from her fingers and clattering onto the table. She dragged her hands across her face; the journal lay open in front of her, its pages tauntingly blank except for the few lines she had managed to scrawl out. Her attempts at articulating her thoughts were laughable at best—a jumble of words that made no sense even to herself. Her annoyance bubbled up at the thought. This was all just so… pointless.  Suddenly, she pushed back from the desk, the stool scraping across the stone floor while Victoria stood to stretch. She winced as her joints cracked, pacing back and forth on the floor before making her way to the curtained doorway. As she stepped into the hallway, she nearly collided with Beta.

"Victoria!" Beta yelped, stepping back in surprise. Her face lit up with a bright grin. "Glad to see you're up. How's it going with your journaling?"

“It’s stupid, like usual.” Victoria grumbled back.

But Beta, with that endearing stubbornness that Victoria found both infuriating and charming, just gave her a smile. "You'll figure it out eventually.”

Fighting the urge to roll her eyes, Victoria crossed her arms, “So, you come here just to bug me about my journaling?”

“No. Chief Hekarro is busy today, so I wanted to see if maybe you’d like to take your walk with me this time.”

“After you then.”

She grumbled under her breath, feeling like a prized pet being taken out for exercise. But she couldn't blame them; she spent so much time in her room anyway that they probably just wanted to see her out and about. But the idea still pissed her off more than she wanted to admit. With an irritated gesture, Victoria motioned for Beta to lead the way,

Beta's enthusiasm was palpable as she lead Victoria towards the crater, her long strides forcing Victoria to quicken her own pace. They followed the outer rim of the crater until they reached a ramp leading down to the floor. From there, they walked towards the large gates that marked the boundary of the museum grounds.

"I have a feeling you'll really like the Oseram,” Beta remarked as they passed through the last set of gates and gazed out at the clearing ahead where a makeshift camp was set up in the distance. “They're some of the most innovative thinkers I've encountered, and it's incredible how their creations reflect some of humanity's greatest scientific breakthroughs."

Victoria furrowed her brows in confusion, "What do you mean? Shouldn't that be expected?"

Beta let out a sigh and stopped walking to look out over the makeshift camp, "It's obvious that human society has regressed to a primitive state compared to your time." As she nodded Beta continued, "But it wasn't supposed to be this way. Knowledge was meant to be one of the last gifts left behind by Elisabet and the other Zero Dawn scientists, but it was taken from them."

"Hekarro had mentioned that the Tenakth had been robbed of their future," Victoria recalled. “What happened?”

“Ted Faro happened.” She waited, almost holding her breath as Beta struggled to find the right words, “One of GAIA’s functions was to hold a vast repository of all human knowledge, everything that was good, bad, beautiful, and horrific. Which included the origins and consequences of the Faro Plague. Ted believed this information was unnecessary for humanity's future. So he completely erased APOLLO and murdered the Zero Dawn team responsible for its creation.”

As soon as Victoria heard the name her blood began to boil. She had never met the man, but she’d heard enough stories during her time in the Air Force, and from Anne, to know he was an asshole with a capital A. After all, it was his Chariot line of robots that was ultimately responsible for the end of the world. And now, finding out that he was also responsible for humanity's age of ignorance only fueled her anger even more. Faro had not only stolen Victoria's future, but also robbed countless generations of their potential.

 How many mistakes could have been avoided if they knew better? How many more would be made until they were given what should have been rightfully theirs?

"It really is remarkable," Victoria muttered, "That they’re still making the same advancements."

"Yes, it is," Beta nodded in agreement as they continued walking, "But it's not all hopeless. A copy of APOLLO was given to Far Zenith and successfully made its way back here from the Sirius System. Humanity has a chance to learn of its history, to grow again. It might be small steps right now, but it’s progress in the right direction.”

Of course, this was only possible if humanity was willing to accept the truth. But Victoria kept that thought to herself.

The Oseram camp was bustling as soon as they entered, the heat of the forges making the already sweltering jungle feel even more unbearable. Victoria and Beta weaved their way through rows of tents and makeshift shelters, passing workers toiling over hot forges with hammers clanging against anvils. Despite the loud sounds of their work, there was an air of camaraderie as laughter and banter echoed from one tent to another. Everyone wore a smile or showed clear determination in their tasks.

A sudden voice called out from a larger tent nearby, causing Beta and Victoria to pause. A woman emerged from beneath the tent, her leathers covered in a layer of soot and dirt. Her eyes were bright and she wore a wide smile on her face, her hair tied back with a bandanna. She stopped right in front of Victoria, examining her with unabashed curiosity as if trying to figure out how she worked. "Steel to my bones," the woman said. "I can't quite pin down what I was expecting, but this certainly wasn't it."

Victoria bristled at the comment, but the woman quickly reassured her, "Oh relax! I meant it as a compliment. When someone says 'Old One', I usually picture some frail elder who can barely walk. But you don't look anything like that. If I didn't know any better, I would have thought you were Tenakth - that fancy getup of yours notwithstanding, of course.”

A hand was suddenly thrust out, “Petra Forgewoman. I’m the overseer of the camp, and the ongoing work in the arena.”

Victoria raised an eyebrow but didn’t take the hand, "The one who made my journal?"

"The one and only!" Petra beamed, unfazed by Victoria's reaction. She then turned on her heel and gestured, "Let's get out of this heat and grab some drinks."

Beta prodded Victoria forward, following behind Petra as she led them to a large towering building at the back of the camp. It was a mix of stone, wood, and canvas materials and provided a welcome respite from the outside heat. Inside, it was a mismatched collection of makeshift furniture. Tables crafted from scavenged wood filled the space, with almost every seat taken by patrons. The room was alive with conversation and laughter, the flickering light from oil lamps casting shadows on the faces of its occupants

 With ease, Petra weaved through the crowd, making room for them at an unoccupied table.

“Oi, what’s a gal gotta do for some cold drinks over here. It’s hotter than a Bellowback’s backside out there!”

Petra shifted her attention back to Victoria as they both settled into their seats. It didn't take long for Victoria to feel the intense stares of those around them, unlike the Tenakth who were more discreet in their curiosity. Even the server, placing drinks in front of Petra, Beta, and Victoria, couldn't help but sneak glances at her with unabashed fascination.

"Is there something on her face?" Petra snapped after a while, turning to glare at the people around her. "My friend didn't come here to be gawked at like some prized scrap find. So everyone needs mind their own damn business!"

The crowd's reaction was immediate; they all returned to their conversations while Petra shook her head. She gave Victoria an apologetic smile, "I'm sorry about that. It's not every day they see a living Old One, but that doesn't excuse their lack of manners and common sense because of their curiosity." She lifted her mug and offered a toast to Victoria, “To my new friend, didn’t quite catch your name though.”

She scoffed, "It's Victoria." before gulping down her drink from the stein. Letting out a low groan as the sharp taste of beer hit her tongue, she was pleasantly surprised by the familiar flavor and the warmth that spread through her body after swallowing. "Beer? Like real fucking beer?"

Petra laughed, “Surprised?”

Victoria drained the mug and smirked, "Actually? No, not really. I guess it's just typical of humans to figure out alcohol so quickly."

“One of those universal things, huh?”

“Something like that.” She chuckled. Movement from the corner of her eye brought her attention to Beta, the stein of beer in her small hands almost comically large. Victoria frowned and forced the mug back down the table, covering the top with her palm. “Oye, what the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

“Having a drink?”

“Cómo fue? No te escuché.” Victoria teased the stein from Beta’s hands, “You’re like twelve.”

Beta frowned, “I’m nineteen! I know Old Ones did stuff like this differently but—”

“You’re damn right we did it different, and for good reason! You’re too young to destroy your liver. Now go get some water, or a fuckin’ juice box, I don’t give a shit.” Victoria waved dismissively, fighting back a grin as Beta mirrored her scowl in return. Victoria watched her leave, eyeing the rest of the Oseram with a scowl before she turned back to Petra. The woman eyed her in amusement, nursing her own drink.

“Nineteen isn't old enough?” Petra teased, “By the forge and flames, I had my first pint at fourteen.”

“I was fifteen,” Victoria admitted, “But just because we could doesn't mean she should. I can handle my drink pretty well, maybe even better than you—” Petra smirked “—but that kid is small. Your drinks would knock her on her ass, and there's hot forges outside. So excuse me for trying to be responsible.”

"You really care about her, huh?" The question hit Victoria hard in the chest, causing her anger to dissipate and revealing the subtle ache of loneliness underneath. She wanted to deny it, to say anything but the truth: that yes, she did care about Beta. Little Beta who always brought breakfast in the morning. Who always showed concern for her well-being, even when Victoria was grumpy. Beta, with her kind eyes that made Victoria feel cared for.

But Victoria couldn't bring herself to say a word, consumed by guilt for caring about something other than her family. How could she even entertain hope for something when they were gone? As if looking for a reason to live was a betrayal to their memory.

Petra gave her a sad smile and continued, looking down at her drink. "I'm not saying that's a bad thing. Look, there's no easy way to hammer it out, right?. You're an Old One. Probably the last one left, and I don't need to tell you how much that sucks. Sure, I may have lost some friends and family during the Red Raids, but I still have my boys and a home to go back to. You don't have that luxury. But what amazes me is that out of everything, you found something worth caring about. Even if it's just some feisty redhead who shouldn't be drinking yet. You're incredible, and you should know it.”

Victoria had no idea how to respond to that. A mix of anger, hurt, and grief battled inside her until she finally scoffed and placed her empty stein on the table. "Just order another round, Forgewoman. It's been too long since I've had a decent drink."

~~

Day whatever the fuck this is,

Remind me to never try and drink an Oseram under the table. I won (and I’m not gonna let Petra tell me otherwise) but the hangover isn’t even close to worth it.