#;time to go back to feeling absolutely no emotion ever bye

[set-wingedwarrior]

My most important sapphic ships post before Pride Month ends

What the title says, studying kept (and still keeps me) busy so we gotta go fast lol

Bumbleby (RWBY)

to the surprise of absolutely no one, they get first place (despite me not going in a particular order) because of reasons. They're perfect. Soulmates. Slowburn of all time. Yin and Yang. Eyes the color of each other's souls. Truest OTP to ever OTP in my book. ∞/10

Konosetsu (Negima!)

I already talked about them in their own post, this scene changed my life leading to my self-discovery and it still lives rent-free in my mind.

Kyosaya (Madoka Magica)

I'd also add MadoHomu but I'm trying to keep it to just one for each fandom. That said, they still make me mentally unwell. I love them, and I did for a long time now. I can't wait for the next movie to come out and suffer.

Ruby and Sapphire (Steven Universe)

These bitches had the first cartoon gay wedding and kiss DO I NEED TO SAY MORE???

Korrsami (Avatar)

Still down the queer cartoons making history path, these two made me insane back in the day because I still didn't understand I was queer and lots of sapphic couple were starting to appear in media, and I remember jokingly say how "lesbian ships were hauting me". All I can say now is "Thank you" lol. Anyway, they were incredibly important and all the people criticizing how little queerness there's in the show will never understand just how massive this scene was.

Catradora (She-Ra and the Princesses of Power)

Friends to Enemies to back to Friends to Lovers. Iconic. I still want a movie with their adventures bringing magic back to the universe.

Hollstein (Carmilla)

My third beloved blonde with a cat gf ship. I miss this web-series every day. Also, Natasha Negovanlis played an immense role in my gay awakening.

Ellie and Riley (The Last of Us: Left Behind)

Ellie and Dina are adorable and I love them, BUT I just will never get over these two. That dlc fucked me up. (also, they're in the same category with Korrasami as "gay ships that hauted me before I realized I was queer" lol)

Lumity (The Owl House)

I remember starting this show feeling it as the successor of Steven Universe, at least to me. We could say that at level of mistreatment from its parent company, it defenitely surpassed it, but at least I'm glad I was right and we got Luz and Amity becoming canon. I love these two and not a day passes without me yelling at Disney for what it did to them.

Bubbline (Adventure Time)

I actually watched Adventure Time fully only recently, but I always loved them even when I watched the show randomly when it appeared in tv back in the day. Getting to see the progression properly just made me love them even more.

Yasammy (Jurassic World: Camp Cretaceous/Chaos Theory)

Incredibly recent addition, but I am so glad that I checked out Camp Cretaceous and got into it. It's a nice show and these two are a really cute couple, their confession and especially Yaz's internal turmoil were just so on point. I was really happy to see them go still strong in Chaos Theory, and I can't wait for next season.

Pricefield (Life is Strange)

These two caused me pain in the best possible way. I felt literal heartbreak at the Bay Ending, and I was just as emotional at the Bae one (Bae > Bay Forever) I hope the new game will respect their relationship OR ELSE.

Wow, this is quite the list. I do have an amazing taste, if I do say so myself, ahah!

Well, I guess this is it for now, glad I could make it before Pride Month was over! Knowing myself I might have actually forgotten some though, so keep an eye out for possible updates (what makes me even think that you'd care? lol).

That would be all, be gay and do crimes! Bye!

[thatbitchery]

As a woman I've been accused of being 'masc' for plenty things, my absolute favorite has been the fact that i refuse to play therapist or trauma dump to literally anyone,including my friends or family.

Ladies, they are right. Women are more predisposed to emotion than men are. I'm afraid they are right. This is an evolutionary biological truth that XX does make you emotionally based.

This is not a weakness. In fact in plenty ways this is an advantage. Presence of emotion is not lack of logic, the two are not opposing forces.

This could very well be your greatest weakness, if you let it.

Almost every single form of abuse is enhanced by emotion. The people that hurt you did so because you had emotion invested. Every single piece of pain you've felt has been because you had your feelings caught up. This is why Shera7 says if you start liking him, run. When feelings walk in success jump out of the window. Why ? Emotion is a lizard brain thing, it leaves you completely pre disposed to instinct, and instinct isn't about what's good for you it's about what's good for survival. We say turn your feelings off because your feelings are concerned with the most basic of survival instincts, not progress.

That being said,let's get back to where this post was headed to pre rant- you're not a therapist. Don't act like one. Your feminine urge to fix and nurture is meant for your children, my love. Children. It's a caregiver package kind of deal. Is it your child? Well- a child? No? Mind your business. Everyone below the age of 15 yes can tap into that therapist that's you but the rest? Especially men? No.

Heres the thing- sex is the least burdening thing m3n use women for. In fact in most cases you could get used by someone without them ever touching your skin, and you feel it. You feel when you're getting used. Whether it is for your softness or intellect or free labor or nurturing side or- you can feel it. You can feel it when someone is draining from your feminine pool, and one great advantage of being female is your instincts are 5× more enhanced than your brother.

Stop letting people use you as a live in therapist to trauma dump or leave in cheerleader to gloat, and the 'people' is inclusive of women but mostly men.

The second the childhood trauma makes a cameo into the conversation they have ten seconds to wrap it up before you clock out.

Relationships are not based on the past they are based on the present. When we say be vulnerable- we are talking about your needs. Your desire. Your emotions- in the present. What does your childhood have to do with us right now my dude? & Hollywood has made it seem like trauma dumping is the ultimate form of trust- I've never told anyone about this so you're special because I told you it means I trust you- ew no get a therapist? If I'm special buy me a jet or stocks- invest in my wellbeing. How is knowing your past a special thing? Every offense possible meant- but what does your dad gotta do with trusting me? If you trust me lets be partners in a business? Hollywood has made it seem like it's a milestone in a relationship to know all the trauma tea- and maybe it is, but it means nothing. It's simply information.

In fact I've learned over time the trauma dump is an investment to future fuck ups as an excuse and a bail-me-out method. Babe you know my dad used to be shitty so excuse me for not knowing how to communicate and hurting our relationship you should let this go because three months ago I made an investment into my bail account for all my future fuck ups by opening up to you. Uhm. No bye. You don't deal with your issues so I have to? Door. Down the hall to the left. Lock it and forget my pass key, I suggest finding one to a therapist. I'm not paying in my adulthood for your childhood, Chad. Your past can not hurt my present, Chad, get a therapist. Chad. It wasn't your fault but it's also not mine, Chad, so I'm not taking responsibility for or the burnt of it, Chad. Matter of fact I'll take advantage of you over it, Chad, like you're trying to take advantage of me through it. Chaddie buddie.

On the same note, do not be anyone's cheerleader or gloat pot. Another thing m3n could use you for- especially if you're easy to please- ego enhancer. No don't get me wrong by all means do cheer your people in their achievements, but- achievements. Not thoughts or philosophies or worse- ambition. Achievements are tangible. I ran a marathon today- Yay. I'm planning to run a marathon- ok good luck. I bought stocks- Ok. I have a billion dollar idea- mhm. I made a billion dollars- great. I think children suffering is bad- OK. I donated to a child support cause- Yay. When I was ten I was boxing champion. Kk. I made it into the boxing championship- yay. Learn to cheer results that you find worthy of cheering- not something as bland and useless as ambition or an idea or- God forbid- philosophy or belief system. I know they trained you well in the bare-minimum-simpy camp but not to worry. I'll pluck it all out.

If you do not have the kind of relationship that allows them to be that open with you, let them know. Either mentally clock out, ie

"So actually my dad was really abusive. He-"

You: stare out the window. Echo a mhm. Take interest in the floor. Echo a 'ok'. Look at your phone.

Or, b) let them know

"When I was a kid I-"

"I don't think we have the kind of relationship where you should tell me that, let's stick within our boundaries. I think I need more lemonade. By the way, Alex told me-"

Or c) okay, and?

"You know I think what they're doing in Palestine is wrong because-"

"How much have you donated so far? "

"Well nothing, but"

"I think a donation will do more good than a philosophical discussion, we all know it's wrong. I emailed you the files. See you later"

See the thing, my love, is you're not stupid. You can tell. You can tell when you're being used you can tell when you're being exploited and when you force yourself to look past it in an attempt to 'score a relationship' or 'keep the peace' you make an investment in future abuse and you will hate yourself for it. Tell me I'm lying. Tell me you don't look into your past self with disgust. Tell me trauma dumping and gloat potting have not played a part in you getting used. Go on.

[daisyblog]

Once In A Lifetime

My Drummer Masterlist Summary: YN is given a one time opportunity to join the Jonas Brothers on tour as their drummer, and Harry supports her.

Warning: emotional abuse (YN’s family are not kind to her).

With Harry being back on tour, YN really felt herself slip back into reality. The reality of still being in Holmes Chapel, watching her best friend become Harry Styles and not just her Harry. But watching him up on stage with the other boys, made her feel prouder than she had ever felt before. 

YN was on her way home from college, her earphones sat in her ears blaring ‘Dreams’ as her feet walked slowly towards her house. Fleetwood Mac was one of her and Harry’s favourite’s band, so listening to their songs brought her a sense of comfort and closeness, despite him being over the other side of the world. 

At the sight of YN’s family house, she stopped in her tracks from across the road. YN noticed both her parent’s cars in the driveway, meaning they were home earlier than usual. Interrupting her thoughts, the front door opened and out walked her older brother, their Mum following him. YN moved out of sight behind a parked large green van not wanting them to see her.  

“Bye Lucas, I love you my baby!”. YN rolled her eyes at her Mum’s voice from where she was ducking behind the van. “Please be careful!”.

“I will Mum, love you.”. Lucas could be heard shorting back before he got into his new car. 

“Oh Lucas?”. YN heard her Mum once again. “If you see your sister, tell her to get her arse home!”. YN couldn’t help but let out a pathetic laugh at how her Mum’s attitude completely changed when it came to her. 

“What‘s the witch done this time?”. YN’s fist clenched as the anger bubbled inside her. 

“Failing her classes again.”. She could only guess that her Mum stood there with a disappointed look with her hands on her hips. “She’ll never amount to anything that girl!”. 

Tears threatened to spill, but the last thing YN wanted to do was show them that they were hurting her. She was determined to prove them wrong. Sure she was failing but she was being forced to do a class she said she didn’t want to do. What did they expect?

Wanting to prolong her time before having to go back home, she turned to walk in the opposite direction, her feet picking up speed as she longed to get to her favourite place. Not giving it a second thought, YN opened the front door, warmth hitting her along with the smell of lasagna. 

“YN? Is that you my darling?”. Anne shouted as YN closed the front door behind her, taking her shoes off by the stairs and hanging her coat up. Her usual routine!

“Yeh, it’s just me Anne!”. YN answered as she walked further into the house. Noticing that Anne had added a few more photo of Harry and the other boys. 

“I’m cooking some dinner, do you want to stay and have dinner with us?”. Anne wildly smiled as YN sat at the kitchen table, joining her in the kitchen. 

“My favourite! Yes please!”. YN had been having Anne’s dinners since she could remember and they were always the best, made from scratch and just absolutely delicious. 

“It’ll be ready in about an hour my love.”. Anne looked up at the clock that hung on the wall as she closed the oven door. “How was college my darling?”. 

“Awful!”. YN played with her fingers as Anne sat opposite her at the table. “I’m failing another class now.”. 

Anne looked at the young girl in front of her. The one she had known since she was a little three year old with plaits in her hair, the one who followed Harry around the school yard and as they got older so Harry and YN’s friendship blossomed. They would spend majority of their teenage years at her house, either singing and playing the drums in the garage or watching episodes of Friends on repeat, tucked up under a blanket in the living room. 

Anne reached over the wooden table, to hold YN’s hand in hers. “It’s not that you’re failing sweetheart…you’re not doing something you enjoy.”.

“Try explaining that one to Julie and Steven.”. YN sounded defeated, like she was close to giving up. “Is it okay if I go in the garage for a bit?”. 

“Of course love���that’s what we bought them for.”. Anne smiled at YN, knowing the garage was somewhere where her and Harry spent a lot of time. 

YN closed the door that stood between the house and garage, not wanting to disturb Anne and Robin. YN looked at the black drum kit that sat in the middle of the room. Posters of all her and Harry’s favourite artists scattered over the walls. A photo of them both sat on the shelf, they both smiled wildly at the camera as Harry had his arm wrapped around her shoulder. 

As she sat on the stool behind the drums, the wooden sticks in her hands, YN felt like she had something to prove. She got up and positioned her phone so it could record her and moved Harry’s microphone to angle where should could sing as she played. 

The backing track began to play, YN began to tap the drums with her stick, completely getting lost in the moment already. 

Listen to the wind blow, watch the sun rise

Running in the shadows, damn your love, damn your lies

And if you don't love me now 

You will never love me again

I can still hear you saying

You would never break the chain 

And if you don't love me now 

You will never love me again

I can still hear you saying 

You would never break the chain 

YN’s soft but strong voice belted out the song as her hands and arms moved to hit the drums with the beat. Finishing the song, YN watched the video back on her phone. For once, she was proud of herself. So taking the leap, she posted it onto her Instagram, captioning it ‘Drumming is my heartbeat.’ for all of her 238 followers. 

The rest of YN’s evening was spent eating dinner with Anne and Robin. They spoke about how well Gemma was doing at university, how One Direction was getting bigger and bigger by the day and how much they missed Harry. They even told YN how proud they were of her for pushing herself everyday to do what she was doing, even though she disliked it. 

YN pushed herself through the anxiety of going back to her house. She tip toed through the front door, hoping her parents wouldn’t realise she was home. As she put one foot on the stairs, her name was called. 

“Come in here now!”. Her Mum’s voice demanded from the living room. YN reluctantly walked into the room and stood close to the door. “Where have you been?”. 

“I’ve been over Anne and Robin’s, I had dinner with them.”. YN explained, as she lifted her bag up higher on her shoulder. 

“You spend way too much time over there!”. Her Dad made a comment, as he slouched in the armchair, not taking his away from the tv screen. 

“It’s probably one of the reasons she’s failing her classes Steven.”. Julie shook her head, her eyes piercing into YN’s. “Have you got anything to say for yourself?”. 

YN didn’t usually answer back, she just stood and took whatever was said about her. But tonight she changed. “I don’t want to be an accountant, I don’t want to follow in your footsteps, I’m not you or Dad…I want to just be me.”:

Steven rolled her eyes and Julie let out a sarcastic laugh. YN’s stopped dropped at their reactions. All she wanted was to be enough. 

“Where has that gotten you so far?.” Her Mum’s comment cut deep. “Hmm? You’re not going to get far YN, you’re just a girl who thinks she can play the drums all day every day…it’s pathetic!”. 

YN went to respond but her father interrupted. “I’ve had enough of your attitude and behaviour…just go to your room.”.

As YN got to her bedroom door, thinking she had escaped the toxic behaviour of her family for the day, Lucas appeared. 

“Oi! Delete that video…I’ve had people messaging me saying how good you are and it’s embarrassing!”. Her brother stuck his head out from his bedroom door. “It’s bad enough we’ve got to listen to your little boyfriend, and his silly band on the radio everyday without thinking you can sing too!”. 

YN slammed the door shut, locking it behind her. Her way of shutting out the world. It was nights like tonight that YN would escape over to Harry’s house, and he would reassure her that her family were to blame. But with Harry over the other side of the world, she felt lost. 

She got into bed that night and scrolled through her Twitter to see what Harry and the band had been up to from the fans. Lost in the moment of scrolling, her phone pinged and her favourite name appeared. 

Harry 💙: I miss you my little drummer! I saw your video, one of our favourites. You’re amazing! I miss our days of singing and drumming in the garage. The other boys are so impressed with you too. Keep banging those drums. Love you xx

---

It was a few weeks later and YN had continued to post video covers of herself singing and playing the drums. It felt like therapy to her, her escape from reality. The views and positive comments she was getting, really encouraged her. It boosted her confidence and made her feel worthy for once. Lucas still tried to knock her down, he even showed their parents saying that she was embarrassing them as a family. 

Harry continued to send her positive messages, encouraging her to keep doing it and saying how he looked forward to them every day. Even the Niall and Louis had messaged her on Twitter to say how good she was and how jealous they were of her drumming skills. Her and Niall had made a deal that if he taught her to play guitar, she would teach him to play the drums. 

YN had just left college for the day, like usually her earphones were placed into her ears as she walked. The sound of an email went off and a notification appeared on her screen. Opening it up, curious to see what it was, YN couldn’t believe what she was reading. 

Good Afternoon, YN

I hope this email finds you well. 

I’m Johnny Wright and I am a Talent Manager at Hollywood Records, and currently managing the Jonas Brother’s. They have a tour starting in October this year and we are recruiting a drummer. 

We have seen your talent via videos from your social media, and are interested in arranging a meeting with yourself to discuss you becoming apart of the tour. 

We can see that you are currently residing near Manchester in the UK. If you decide you would like to proceed with the meeting, I can arrange for us to meet in London. All accommodation, travel and expenses for yourself and one other person will be paid for. 

I hope to hear from you soon.

Best wishes

Johnny 

Talent Manager

YN stopped in her tracks, re-reading the email over and over. “This has to be a joke!”. She whispered to herself. She needed to tell Harry, but just as she was about the click on his contact to phone him, she stopped herself realising it was the middle of the night for him. 

She held a bit of hope that her parents would be thrilled and support her through this incredible opportunity. For the first time, YN ran home as fast as her legging covered legs would take her. She pushed through the front door with force. 

“Mum? Dad?”. She called through the quiet house. 

“Oh stop shouting YN, we’re only in here.”. Julie demanded, from where she stood in the plain beige kitchen. 

“Look at this!”: YN pushed her phone, displaying the email, into her Mum’s hands. “Isn’t this amazing?”. A proud grin shined brightly on her lips. 

Julie read through the email quickly, before handing the phone back to YN and continued to cook. YN looked at her Mum, waiting for her response, but nothing came. 

“Mum?”. She encouraged, praying this was the moment she needed to prove to her family that she was capable and that she could make them proud. 

“You’re not going.”. Julie said flatly as she stirred the food in the saucepan. “They’re trying to humiliate you, not to dishearten you but you can’t sing and you’re not that good on the drums either.”. 

“We’ll see about that!”. YN answered back, determined to prove her own mother wrong. 

YN made her way over to one place she knew she’d have the best reaction, Anne’s house. walking through the door, she could see a suitcase sitting in the hallway. She thought Gemma may have been home from university. But walking around the corner, for the second time that day she couldn’t believe her eyes. 

“Harry?”. YN ran straight into his arms, holding him tight. “Oh I’ve missed you!”: 

Harry’s arms held her tight, leaving no space between their bodies. “Not as much as I’ve missed you.”. 

“You didn’t tell me you were coming home.”. YN questioned him as they broke apart. 

Harry shrugged his shoulders as he looked between his Mum and YN. “Wanted to surprise two of my favourite women!”. He cheekily chuckled. 

“Well you’ve got good timing because I’ve got something to show you.”. 

YN showed Harry and Anne the email from Johnny. They were so incredibly proud and supportive of her. They encouraged her not to listen to her Mum and this was a one time opportunity and she needed to do it for herself. 

---

A week later, YN found herself in Harry and Louis’ flat in London, where she was staying for the weekend and for her meeting for the Jonas Brother’s tour. YN was nervous, excited too but scared that she was going to mess up. 

Before she headed off to where the meeting was being held, Harry and Louis both gave her a positive talk. 

“You’re going to do great and one thing you need to do is believe in yourself.”. Harry started the positivity talk. 

“Harold’s right YN…you’re incredible and you don’t give yourself enough credit…go in there and smash those drums.”. YN smiled at how lucky she was that Harry brought four amazing boys into her life. 

“I’ve always said you’re the only girl who I’d want to bang my drums.”. Harry sent YN a wink at his attempt to be a little cheeky. 

“Harry!”. YN playfully pushed his arm. 

YN was gone for around three hours and Harry and Louis couldn’t help but pace their flat. Trying to keep themselves distracted but it was no help because time only seemed to slow down. They were sat watching a football game on the tv when they heard a knock at their door. They both ran in a race to opened the door first, Harry winning and there waiting to be let in was YN.

“I’m going on tour!”. YN shouted excitedly to the both of them. Harry scooped her up into his arms and hugged her tight. He was proud beyond words. 

[fallinginvictus]

I may be a day or two early for wip wednesday but I absolutely need to know what happens next in ur time loop fic of Andrew

WIP Wednesday Andrew and Aaron Time Loop AU [part 2/4]

Part 1

on ao3 I would tag this as "Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings" so if you need to know more because you think there might be something that could trigger you, let me know and I'll let you know

He feels frantic as he drives on now familiar roads, his thoughts swirling in his brain and bouncing inside his skulls, unable to tell where one begins and the other ends, unable to make sense of the nightmare that he has found himself trapped in. Cars race past him as his thoughts race in his brain, images of Aaron's cold and pale body flashing behind his eyelids every time he blinks, the coldness of his brother's hand and the stillness of his chest something that will never stop haunting him for as long as he lives.

“What? Is something wrong?” Aaron asks as soon as he picks up the phone, worry clear in his tired voice.

Andrew's breaths get lost in his lungs, unable to find their way out. 

Aaron is alive. 

Aaron is alive again.

“Andrew?”

“I'm going to stay with you for a while,” is everything that he manages to say, his voice quieter than he intends it to be, his hands squeezing the steering wheel until they turn white.

“What? Why? Did something happen?” Aaron asks and Andrew wants to scream at him. 

“No,” he says. “I'm already on my way.”

“Andrew,” Aaron sighs. “For how long? Don't you have games and practice?”

“I hurt my wrist so I can't play for two weeks.”

“You can't stay with me. I have plans.”

“What plans?” he asks, wondering how many times Aaron has lied to them before, how many other times has he pretended to be busy while his only plan was that of getting high.

“With my friends.”

“You don't have friends. I'll be there in a few hours. Bye.”

He doesn't give Aaron any time to reply, any time to protest, before hanging up, Aaron's voice making his head spin, his blood boil. 

He wants to hug his brother, he wants to feel his chest move, his heart beat, his blood flowing through his veins. He wants to touch Aaron's skin and feel nothing but warmth. He wants to look him in the eyes and see them shine. 

He wants his brother to never be dead again.

♤♤

He sits outside of Aaron's locked door, the clock inside of his head ticking and ticking, each second that passes feeling like a lifetime spent in hell, wondering if the call is going to come anyways, wondering if Aaron is already dead. More than once he wants to drive back to the hospital where Aaron died, where Aaron will die. More than once he takes his phone out of his pocket and dials Aaron's number without ever calling him.

It's ten minutes past three in the afternoon when Andrew's phone rings where it's sitting on the floor by his side. Andrew's breath gets caught in his throat, his whole body tensing at the sound until his every muscle aches and screams, begging to be released, his heart pounding against his ribcage.

But when his eyes finally find the courage to look down at the bright screen by his side, it is Aaron's name that meets his eyes and not the hospital's number (a number that had now been printed inside of Andrew's brain and that he would never be able to forget.)

“What,” he says flatly as soon as he picks up the phone, his muscles still tense, his heart still racing.

“Are you really waiting for me?” Aaron asks in a tentative tone that Andrew can't decipher. Finally Andrew starts to relax, Aaron's quiet voice like sweet honey washing over him.

He hums in reply.

“I'm- I'm almost there. Wait for me,” Aaron says as the words rush out of his mouth and stumble all over each other.

“I've been waiting for almost two hours so you better be quick,” Andrew replies, unable to deny to himself just how much he longs to finally see his brother alive. 

Andrew had long since learnt to keep his emotions trapped inside of his ribcage. Some would oftentimes run away from him, slip through the cracks, escape from their perfectly built prison: in the morning with Neil's peaceful face resting by his side, the brighg sun shining on him, his hair messy, his face puffy, a soft smile on his lips; in the night with Neil's flushed body under his, his warm hands gently placed on his shoulders, his soft moans filling the quiet room.

But it had been a long time since his emotions had come crashing against his chest, threatening to split his ribcage open, uncovering his most safely guarded secrets. He had forgotten how much it hurt, how raw and vulnerable it made him feel.

“Hey,” Aaron says breathlessly, breaking the silence and coming to stand in front of a motionless Andrew.

Andrew just stares at him blankly, taking notice of every single thing that is Aaron, of every aspect of him, every detail. Aaron looks tired, Andrew notices, his skin is pale, ink spilled under his bloodshot eyes but his pupils are normal, he looks rail-thin, his collar bones heavily pronounced. 

Andrew says nothing as his brain reminds him of the list of “Common Physical Signs of Drug Usage” that he had read once on the library's computer when he was fifteen.

“You ambush me like this and you are not even going to say hi?” Aaron asks as he opens the door, but there is no strength in his voice, no malice in his words.

“Hi,” he says as he walks inside the now familiar house, his eyes falling back on the family picture displayed in the living room.

“Give me a second,” Aaron says before running inside his room and closing the door behind himself, probably trying to tidy up the mess that Andrew had already seen.

He sits on the couch, unable to come up with a plan of action, with a strategy. He had already asked Aaron before if he had relapsed and Aaron had denied it. Would he ever tell Andrew the truth if he asked? 

“So,” Aaron says as he walks out of his room with a black trash bag. Andrew just looks at him. “Are you going to tell me why you decided to crash at my house for who knows how long?”

“Am I not allowed to want to spend some time with my dearest brother?” he asks with a sweet and ostensibly fake smile on his lips, trying not to think just how much truth was actually hidden in those words.

Aaron scoffs at him, “Sure, because you totally just wanted to spend some time with me,” he says and something in his voice makes Andrew pause. He just stares at him, his brows furrowed, trying to figure out something that he knows is standing right in front of him and yet he cannot seem to be able grasp.

There's a tense silence for a few seconds as Andrew just stares at his brother, at the way air fills his lungs, as the way his chest moves.

“Fine,” Aaron breaks first. He shakes his head and rolls his eyes, as if he's dealing with a troublesome kid. “Fine. You don't have to tell me now. Just- Are you okay? It's nothing bad, right?”

Andrew is taken aback by the concern in his voice before anger fills his vision. No nothing too bad, he wants to say. My own fucking brother died. No biggie.

“No, nothing too bad,” he says between clenched teeth.

♤♤

They spend the rest of the afternoon playing on Aaron's old PS2, the same one that he has owned longer than Andrew has known him. It was quiet and comfortable and Andrew could tell there was something else going on inside of his brother's mind, something that was clouding his brain, making his moves sloppy, his attention fragmented.

“Do you feel like you are going to relapse?” Andrew asks. “Don't lie to me.”

“Where does that even coming from? Fuck-” Aarons scoffs as he misses a jumps and falls down a cliff.

“Do you?”

“No? Not more than usual,” he says distractedly, his whole attention on the game in front of him. 

You used today and you died, Andrew almost says. Stop fucking lying.

“If you feel like using again, just tell me,” is all that comes out of his mouth, his eyes landing on Aaron's focused face. “Promise.”

“Sure,” Aaron says, his eyes never leaving the TV screen.

“Promise,” he repeats loudly.

“I- I promise,” Aaron says, his eyes finally meeting Andrew's.

Andrew knows it won't be enough. Aaron had lied before and he would have no qualms in lying again, in breaking a promise. But he found it difficult to worry when Aaron was sitting right by his side, their shoulders brushing against each other, Aaron's warmth washing over him.

It's 7 pm when Andrew silently gets up from the couch and heads towards the kitchen with the intention of preparing them dinner.

“What the fuck Aaron.”

“What?” Aaron says from the living room, the sound of the game almost drowning his quiet voice.

“Why the fuck is you fridge completely empty?”

“Oh,” Aaron says, turning off the game.

Andrew waits for a second, then two, expecting to receive an actual reply from his brother but getting only silence in return.

“We can go grocery shopping tomorrow,” Andrew says, sitting back down on the couch, his hand grazing Aaron's shoulder. “Let's just order take out for today.”

Aaron nods as Andrew takes his phone out of his pocket to order take-out but notices a couple of unread messages from Neil.

To: 0 Neil:

I'm going to stay with Aaron for a while

From: 0 Neil:

is everything okay?

To: 0 Neil:

I'm here to figure it out

Dinner is quiet, just like the rest of the afternoon had been quiet. Aaron's gaze never leaves his food, his eyes unfocused, his mind full of thoughts that Andrew isn't able to read. 

If only he could jump inside of Aaron's head and search through his brain, Andrew thinks, maybe then he would find the answers he's looking for, maybe then he would find the right questions.

He used to think of Aaron as someone easy to read, his goals and ambitions prosaic. He always thought he knew what Aaron wanted, what he longed for. Every action Aaron took and every comment he made used to be something Andrew could decipher and understand. And yet, now that he's standing in front of him, he wonders if he ever really knew Aaron at all, if this whole time he had been reading Aaron's signals all wrong.

“Why don't you have any friends?” he asks, his eyes scanning Aaron's face for a reaction, for a sign.

Aaron's pauses for a second, his eyes focused on his food, “Of course I have friends,” he says, his eyes meeting Andrew's. “Why would you think that I don't have any friends?”

Aaron's face doesn't betray him, his eyes seem truthful and his voice doesn't shake. If Andrew hadn't known better, he would've believed him, he would've fallen for his lie. How many times, he wonders, has Aaron lied straight to his face? How many times has he tricked Andrew before?

I can tell when you're lying to me, he used to tell Aaron. Now he wonders if he ever really could.

“Don't lie to me,” Andrew says, his voice cold, his gaze unforgiving.

“I'm not-”

“Don't lie to me,” he says again, his gaze just a little softer.

“How would you even know,” Aaron muebles as he puts more food in his mouth with his brows furrowed and an uncharacteristic pout on his lips.

In the past, Andrew would've pushed. In the past, Aaron would've been colder. 

“What's going on with you,” the words leave Andrew's mouth without his permission.

“I just-” Aaron says before shaking his head, something that Andrew can't read flashing in his eyes. “I'm tired. I'm going to bed now.”

Andrew can't do anything but watch as Aaron retreats back to his room and closes the door behind himself with a soft click. He sighs as he drops his head on the couch and stares at the white ceiling feeling lost and confused. He doesn't know what he's supposed to do. 

He doesn't know how to save Aaron from himself.

♧♧

The first week passes quickly, Aaron spending most of his days at the hospital and his evenings locked in his room studying while Andrew is left alone with his own thoughts and fears, images of his dead brother spinning like a carousel inside of his brain. 

Every night he wakes up from nightmares, his body numb and damp with sweat, Aaron's cold body flashing behind his eyes. 

Every night, he sofly opens Aaron's bedroom door and stares at his brother as he sleeps, at the way his chest rises and falls, at his pink skin and slightly flushed cheeks.

He's alive, he tells himself, over and over again. And yet he can still remember when Aaron hadn't been alive.

♧♧

“We should do things together,” Andrew tells Aaron one morning while he's still lying on the couch after having spent a whole night googling “How to make sure your brother doesn't relapse again”. 

“What?”

“Make a list of things that you want to do and we'll do them.”

“Why?” Aaron asks, walking out of the kitchen.

“You don't want to?” Andrew replies, tilting his head.

“You always have a reason for things.”

“If you don't want to-”

“I do,” Aaron interrupts him, his eyes wide.

“Then make the list and give it to me when you get home this evening.”

“I just don’t- Fine,” Aaron says with a sigh as he heads for the door. He stops there for a second, his hand on the handle and his bag over his shoulder. 

“What,” Andrew says as he takes his phone from the coffee table.

Aaron just furrows his brows and shakes his head, “Bye,” is all that comes out of his mouth before leaving the apartment.

Androw looks at the closed door, his heart racing like it does every time Aaron leaves his sight. He can feel little ants crawling under his skin and he knows that's where they'll stay until he'll see Aaron, alive and breathing, again.

♤♤

That evening Aaron comes back later than usual. Fourteen minutes later, to be exact.

Andrew is pacing the length of the living room when he hears the jingle of Aaron's keys as he pushes them in the lock. A few seconds later, Aaron walks inside the house and throws his coat on the hanger as if nothing is wrong.

“You're late,” Andrew says between gritted teeth as he stalks towards Aaron.

“What?” Aaron asks in confusion and bends down to untie his shoes.

“If you come home late you have to text and let me know.”

“I'm not even that late, just a few minutes and-”

“Fourteen.”

“What?”

“Not a few minutes. Fourteen minutes.”

Aaron sighs as he stands back up, confusion written all over his face. 

Fourteen minutes of Andrew picturing Aaron's cold body in a back alley, on a white hospital bed, in a closet, in the middle of an empty street. 

Fourteen minutes of Andrew picturing Aaron's vacant eyes staring at the sky, his pale skin tinted blue with death, his chest unmoving, his heart still.

Fourteen minutes of Andrew recalling Aaron's cold fingers in his hand, his icy forehead under his lips.

Fourteen minutes of waiting for his phone to ring, for the Doctor’s voice to inform him that his brother had died.

“I'm sorry,” Aaron says but it comes out as a question.

“Whatever,” Andrew replies before leaving a confused Aaron at the door and locking himself in the bathroom.

“Tell me something,” he says on the phone, his arms tightly wrapped around his legs as he sits in the corner between the sink and the wall.

He doesn't listen as Neil talks about his day, about practice, about anything and everything that comes to his mind. He lets Neil's calm and soothing voice wash over him, until it seeps into his brain, into his bones. Until breathing doesn't hurt anymore and the ants have left his body.

“Why won't you tell me what's wrong?” Neil asks on the other line, his voice full of worry.

“Aaron,” he says, his brother's name burning his lips as it leaves his mouth.

“Is he sick?”

“I just need to make sure he doesn't do something stupid and accidentally kills himself in the process.”

“You think he's going to?”

“I know he is.”

“Alright,” Neil says with a sigh. “But you have to promise me something.”

Andrew humms.

“Don't hurt yourself while trying to help him.”

Andrew stays silent for a second. There is nothing that he wouldn't be willing to do if it means saving Aaron from his fate, “I can't promise that.”

“Andrew-”

“He's my brother, Neil.”

“Does he even want to be? He just left you and Nicky and never looked back. Why would you put your mental well being at risk after all of your hard work for someone who wouldn't do the same for you?”

“That's not how it works.”

“What?” Neil asks.

“This is not a deal or a transaction. I'm helping him because I don't want him to be dead, not because I want him to do the same for me, not because I want him to give me something back,” he takes a deep breath and shakes his head even if Neil can't see him. “I just don't want him to be dead.”

“Fine just- just be careful and call me when you need to.”

“I will.”

A knock on the door interrupts Neil in the middle of a sentence, “I made dinner,” Aaron's soft voice comes from the other side when Ansrew doesn't reply. 

“I have to go,” he says.

“Call me,” Neil replies before hanging up.

They eat dinner quietly on the couch, the sound of Aaron chewing something crunchy loud in the silent room.

"If you still want I have the list” Aaron says with downcast eyes.

“Then get it,” he replies after another long silence.

Andrew watches as Aaron rushes towards his bedroom, his bowl hastily placed on the coffee table.

Why are you so different, he wants to ask but doesn't.

“Here,” Aaron says a few seconds later as he hands him a wrinkled piece of lined paper, Aaron's elegant handwriting filling the page.

Andrew just nods at the paper and places it on the sofa by his side.

“You're not going to look at it?”

“I'm eating,” Andrew replies.

Aaron nods, his lower lip trapped between his teeth, a dot of blood staining his skin.

“Stop that and eat,” Andrew says, tapping Aaron's chin with his finger.

For a second it looks like Aaron is going to say something but before anything can come spilling out of his mouth, Aaron shakes his head and goes back to his dinner.

♧♧

“We're going for a picnic,” he tells Aaron on Wednesday, a week and a day after Aaron's death.

“What?” Aaron asks as he looks away from the open book on his lap.

“It's in your list, isn't it?” 

“I mean, yeah but-”

“You have an hour to get ready. Chop chop.”

The sun is high in the sky by the time they reach the park. It's still a little cold outside, the air a little chilly, the sun a little weak.

“This is so nice,” Aaron says as he fiddles with the hem of the table cloth that Andrew had placed on the ground. There is a smile that Aaron is trying to hide on lips and it makes the ants under Andrew's skin disappear for a second.

“I always saw families having picnics when I was in primary school,” he tells Andrew as he bites the tuna, mayo and lettuce sandwich they had bought at the café near that park. “It would be better if Nicky were here too.”

Andrew just hums in reply.

“What's your favourite sandwich?” Aaron asks, trying to fill the silence.

“Probably-”

“Wait,” Aaron interrupts him. “I'll try to guess.”

Andrew looks at him a little puzzled as Aaron furrows his brows, a look of deep concentration painted on his face.

“I've got it,” he says after a few seconds, a crumb of white bread falling from the corner of his mouth. “Pulled pork with BBQ sauce.”

Andrew just nods.

“Now you,” Aaron says as he takes another bite from his sandwich.

“Me what?”

“Guess my favourite,” Aaron says, sounding a little too excited, his smile too bright.

“It's not that hard to guess. It's the same as mine. It's what we always got from highschool to college.”

“Mine is meatballs,” Aaron says quietly as he takes another bite of his sandwich.

“Since when?” Andrew asks. It had been years since the two of them had last eaten a sandwich together. Andrew can't help but to wonder what more he missed in Aaron's life.

“Since I was seven and a guy from school gave me a piece of his because I didn't have anything to eat,” Aaron says calmly without looking at Andrew. “I hate BBQ sauce.”

“But we always for pulled pork and BBQ,” Andrew says. It was their favourite, they would always eat it together for dinner after school.

Aaron just shrugs, “It was your favourite,” he says.

“But you-” Andrew begins but is interrupted by a ball landing on his leg.

“I'm so sorry,” a kid shouts as he runs towards them with his brother behind him. “We are so sorry. It was an accident.”

“It's fine, no one got hurt,” Aaron says, picking up the red ball and giving it back to the kid. “Just be more careful next time.”

“Oh my god it's clones,” the smaller child says while hiding behind his brother. “Like in star wars.”

“It's twins you idiot,” the older brother reprimands him as they run away. 

♧♧

When Aaron gets back home on Thursday's evening at 9:45, he looks tired and upset. His shoulders are hunched, his movements slow, his eyes never once lift from the floor.

“What's wrong?” Andrew asks from where he's sitting on the couch.

“Just a bad day at work,” Aaron replies, his voice so low Andrew has to strain to hear him.

“Come,” he says, patting the couch.

“I just want to-”

“Come,” Andrew says again.

Aaron trudges towards the couch and Andrew can see a little tremor in his hands. He looks for signs of drug use but comes up empty.

“Speak,” he says as soon as Aaron is sitting on the couch by his side, his chin resting on his knees as he hugs his legs to his chest, his dirty shoes on the couch.

Aaron opens his mouth but no words leave his lips, just a shaky breath.

“It's okay,” he says as he watches the tremble in Aaron's lips. “Take a deep breath.”

Aaron shakes his head, his eyes wet, “I told his brother it was going to be fine but I-” a dry sob breaks Aaron’s sentence right in the middle. “It was just a little kid and it wasn't even- it really wasn't-”

“It's okay, Aaron,” he says even if he knows it's not.

“And his brother was just there alone and I told him- Andrew I told him that it would- that it would be fine,” there are tears running down his reddened cheeks.

“Can I touch you?” Andrew asks and waits for Aaron to nod his permission before taking Aaron's hand into his own. “You did what you could.”

Aaron closes his eyes for a second, “Can you-” he shakes his head.

“Can I what?”

“Nothing. It was silly.”

“Tell me,” Andrew says. “I'll decide if it's silly.”

A pause and then, “Can you sleep in my bed tonight?”

There is a longer pause, silence fills the room as Andrew thinks it over.

“I told you it was silly,” Aaron says, his eyes now open. “Forget about it.”

Andrew stays quiet for another second, “We can,” he says.

He waits for Aaron's breathing to go back to normal, for the tears to stop flowing down his cheeks, for the tremor in his hands to subside, and then he helps his brother back on his feet and towards his room. Aaron's legs are still shaky, his hold on Andrew's hand tight.

“I'll go wash up,” Aaron says, taking his pyjamas from where he had thrown it that morning and heading for the bathroom.

Andrew sits on the side of Aaron's bed as he waits, scanning the room. He finds it to be more tidy than it had been when Aaron had died, but still disorganised and messy.

“Why is it so messy?” he asks when Aaron walks back into the room. “You always used to keep everything tidy and in perfect order.”

“I just-” Aaron shakes his head and lets the sentence die. Andrew looks at him.

“Come on then,” he pulls down the covers and lies under them. He had missed sleeping in a real bed.

“You don't have to,” Aaron says standing in front of the bed.

“I know,” Ansrew replies. “It's my choice. Just don't touch me.”

“I won't,” his brother reassures him before climbing on the bed.

They lie in silence for a while, Andrew on his back, Aaron on his side, his eyes trained on Andrew.

“You're staring at me,” he says as he looks at Aaron from the corner of his eye.

“When I was a kid,” Aaron whispers as if he were sharing a secret. “I always wanted a brother to share everything with.”

Andrew hums in reply.

“I wanted to build a fort with covers and cushions that only me and my brother could enter. Our secret place where we would always be safe and never lonely.”

Andrew turns on his side and looks at his brother in the quiet dark.

“Goodnight Aaron,” he says, placing his hand on top of Aaron's.

“Goodnight Andrew.”

♧♧

“We are going to the market,” he tells Aaron Friday morning as soon as Aaron leaves his room

“I need to be at the hospital at 1 pm,” Aaron replies.

Andrew nods, “We're leaving in an hour.”

Andrew had never been to a farmers market before nor had he ever wanted to go to a farmers market.

“This is so fun,” Aaron is saying as Andrew tries to dodge the crowd of people that is flowing around him. “Look.”

Andrew isn't sure what Aaron is pointing at, nor does he care that much. The crowd is overwhelming, people constantly bumping into him and touching his body.

They walk around for a while, Aaron pointing to flowers and plants, fruits and vegetables as if he were in a museum instead of a street market.

“Did you know that to make just one pound of honey it takes 2 million flowers?” Aaron asks as they walk past a stand of honey. “Do you like honey?”

“What?” Andrew asks, distracted by a woman who bumped into him.

“You like sweets, so I was wondering if you like honey.”

“I don't know. Never tried.”

“Oh then I should totally buy you some. Come on,” Aaron says walking towards the honey vendor.

“Do you like honey?” Andrew asks as they wait for their turn.

“It's not really something you can eat spoonfuls of or you'll get sick, but I like it.”

They sit on a bench away from the crowd as soon as they buy the honey.

“Here, taste,” Aaron says, scooping some honey on the wooden spoon the vendor had given them.

Honey is sticky and sweet and it makes Andrew's throat burn a little because of the overwhelming sweetness.

“You don't like it?” Aaron asks with a little frown on his face.

Andrew shakes his head.

“Sorry,” Aaron mutters while closing the honey lid.

“What are you apologising for?”

“I thought you would have liked it,” Aaron shrugs.

Andrew just stares at him confused, his face blank.

“It's whatever,” Aaron says as he gets back up on his feet. “We should go home.”

Andrew watches as Aaron throws the jar of honey in the first street bin they find while they head towards Andrew's car.

♧♧

“Neil's playing today,” Aaron says on Sunday as Andrew is cooking dinner.

“Yeah,” Andrew replies because he noticed Aaron hates not receiving a reply.

“Do you want to watch the game?” he asks but then immediately turns on the TV without waiting for Andrew's reply.

When he goes into the living room with their dinner (Aaron's favourite italian pasta), the game has already started and Aaron is comfortably sitting on the couch with his legs crossed, a fluffy blue blanket around his shoulders.

“Thank you,” Aaron says with a smile, taking one of the plates from Andrew's outstretched hand and placing it on his legs. “It just started so you didn't miss much.”

It surprises Andrew how much Aaron talks during the game, how much he notices about the players and their plays, how much he knows about Andrew's team.

“Yeah, he's been doing that the whole season. He really needs to work on that.”

“You've been keeping up with the championship?” Andrew asks.

“Not really, I just watch the games where you, Kevin or Matt play.”

Andrew purses his lips as a mix of emotions explode in his chest. He wants to dig deeper, to ask why. Aaron never showed up for the foxes reunions at Wymack’s place, he cut all contact with everyone, he never once showed any interest in anyone, any will to be their friend. 

Andrew wonders when had Aaron stopped making sense. He wonders if Aaron had ever made sense in the first place at all or if Andrew had made up a version of his brother in his head that had never once been real.

They spend the rest of the evening watching the game, a little smile on Aaron's lips as his hands flail around when he tries to explain sometimes to Andrew.

Could it have always been this easy? He wonders. Did Aaron have to die twice for them to finally spend time together like normal people?

Maybe, Andrew thinks, maybe everything can be fixed.

♧♧

“We are going to the zoo,” he tells Aaron on Monday morning while Aaron is still lying in his bed.

“What?” he asks, his voice low and full of sleep.

“Get ready, we're leaving in an hour.”

Andrew hates the zoo. It's boring and uninteresting. He doesn't care about where any of the animals came from nor from what they had been saved. It's cold and cloudy and the tips of his fingers are frozen. But the zoo was on Aaron's list and it seems to be working perfectly as a distraction: Aaron keeps speed-walking from one enclosure to the next, reading out facts that he seems to find interesting and cool. 

“And this one was saved after hunters shot him down and he lost his ability to fly,” Aaron says after three long and excruciating hours of walking around the zoo surrounded by screaming children and annoying adults. “Isn't that so heartwarming?”

“Heartwarming?” he asks, focusing on the sad little bird sitting in the middle of a huge green field.

“Someone found him when he was just about to die and decided that he was worthy of being saved. They took care of him and gave him a new home.”

“He's a bird who can't fly. Alone in a huge field. It would've been more merciful to just let him die. What kind of life is this?” 

He can feel Aaron's gaze on him as he looks at the bird but when he turns towards him, Aaron's eyes are back on the bird. He doesn't look excited anymore, his gaze soft and sad, something that Andrew can't decipher in his expression.

“It's almost lunch time,” Aaron says, looking away from the bird. “We should go home.”

♧♧

“Next time you are the one who has to visit,” Andrew says on Tuesday morning as he packs his bag. “We should also invite Nicky,” he adds.

“Sure,” Aaron says but there is something strange behind his eyes.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yes, just- I'm just very very tired,” Aaron says, a ghost of a smile on his lips.

“You are not feeling like you're going to relapse, right?” Andrew asks, staring right into Aaron's eyes.

“What? No. No I don't,” Aaron replies, his eyebrows knitted together. 

“Promise.”

“I promise,” Aaron says lightly.

“This is very serious Aaron. Promise me you won't touch any type of drug for any reason.”

“Andrew. I promise I won't touch any type of drug. Unless I'm administering it to a patient. Good?”

“Good.”

“Can I- Nothing,” Aaron says with a shake of his head.

“Tell me.”

“It's silly. Forget about it.”

“I'll decide if it's silly,” Andrew says.

“Can I hug you goodbye?”

Andrew is silent for a second. He can't remember ever hugging Aaron in his life. Not once.

“Yes,” he says.

Aaron moves slowly towards him, as if walking towards an easily spooked animal, afraid that I'll run away. When he's finally standing in front of Andrew, he carefully lifts his arms and places them around Andrew's neck, his cheek resting on his brother's shoulder. Andrew can feel Aaron’s warm breaths on his neck, his brother's heartbeat pounding on his body where their chests are touching. 

Aaron is alive. His brother is still alive.

He tightens his hold around Aaron's waist. He had never hugged his brother before, he thinks again. In two other lives Aaron had died without ever getting to hug his brother. 

Andrew could've gone his whole life without ever getting to share something as trivial and mundane as a hug between brothers.

♧♧

It's Tuesday, the twenty-second of May at six in the afternoon when Andrew's phone rings, the soft voice of a doctor on the other side, the words coming out of her mouth venomous and wrong, lies that Andrew can't comprehend, can't accept.

“That's impossible,” he says getting up from his couch. “Aaron promised he wouldn't touch any drugs. He promised me.”

Aaron promised. He had promised.

“Drugs?” the Doctor asks. “I'm really sorry for the misunderstanding Mr. Minyard but Doctor Minyard's cause of death isn't drug related.”

“What? He didn't overdose?”

“No, Sir. Your brother he- he I'm so sorry. He jumped off a bridge. I'm so sorry.”

Aaron had always claimed that he didn't feel like he was going to relapse. Why hadn't Andrew believed him.

He had been asking the wrong question the whole time. He had tried to solve the wrong problem.

Can I hug you goodbye? Aaron had asked a few hours ago.

Yes, Andrew had replied.

[obsessedelusional]

Your Pretend Boyfriend

paring ✦ Eddie Munson x Reader

summary ✦ Eddie was your pretend boyfriend. Your mutual dislike for Jason Carver brought you together. You met during Thanksgiving break and had to separate to go back to college. Christmas break could not come fast enough. CONTAINS SMUT

word count ✦ 3,144

authors note ✦ absolutely baffled by the sheer amount of love y’all have given me since my last post I’m almost to 600 followers and have over 10,000 notes, thank you so much (((I didn’t mean to leave part one on a cliff hanger tumblr just loves to cut my text short and won’t let me fix it)))

MASTERLIST ✦ PART ONE

FEEDBACK AND REBLOGS APPRECIATED!!! If you like this let me know if I should keep it going, I got some ideas...

⊹ ꙳ ✦ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹

“You’re so dramatic.” Your dorm mate, Tiffany laughs.

“And what about it?” You ask, tears brimming your eyelids.

“Christmas break is three weeks away. You only have to make it three weeks till you can see him again.” She sighs, pulling you in for a brief hug.

“You two met two weeks ago and now you’re crying after being separated for less than twenty four hours? Is he like Jesus himself reincarnated or something? What did he do to you?” She laughs, pulling away from your embrace. Your brain immediately races thinking of all the lovable qualities about Eddie. Remembering the last time you were with him. Where you confronted him about your relationship status only for him to tell you everything you had hoped he’d say. Eddie is your boyfriend. Long distance boyfriend.

“He’s just so-“ She cuts you off.

“He must have like a massive dick. Be amazing in bed or something.” She says, you can’t help but grin at her comment. Your smile through the tears tells her all she needs to know.

“Oh my god. You’re addicted to what the dick did, huh?” She laughs.

“Okay maybe I am. Is that a crime?” You groan, pulling your sleeves past your fingers and wiping away the tears.

“No I just ain’t ever seen you like this. The two years I’ve been your roomie not once have you even brought a guy around, let alone cry over one. It’s cute.” She says, her tone teasing.

“Whatever.” You stand up making your way to the bathroom.

“This is not the end of our conversation. You will be telling me everything.” She hollers at you as you slip into the bathroom, smiling at her comment.

You slip your jeans down your legs, letting them rest at your ankles as you sit on the toilet. After doing your business you go to wipe, only to find blood. It all making sense now why you’ve been so emotional. You laugh to yourself, thanking whoever is listening that you’re not pregnant. Not that you thought that was an even an possibility. The second time you and Eddie slept together, you told him to not wear a condom. Wanting to feel him raw, feel him fill you up with his warmth. Needing nothing more than to feel him spilling his release inside you. Putting all your faith in that little white pill you take once a day.

—

“Let me guess, Eddie?” Tiffany teases and she walks into the dorm to find you on your phone, face timing someone.

“Yeah,” You smile momentarily taking your attention away from your phone.

“Listen Eddie the quicker you let her clean the dorm with me so we can pass inspection the sooner she can come home to you. Okay?” She interrupts shoving her face in the face time call.

“Okay.” Eddie sighs dramatically, “Let me know when you leave. Drive safe, princess.”

“Will do.” You say, the cheesiest grin on your face. He had realized quickly what that pet name did for you. So he used it the most amongst the others.

“Y’all are gonna make me sick.” Tiffany says, pretending to throw up causing you to roll your eyes.

“Bye Eds,” You sneak a smooch face when she’s not looking before hanging up.

“Can we get this over with?” She ask, passing you the coffee she brought you.

“I guess so.” You stand up from your bed to begin prepping the dorm room for winter break, you get a whole month in Hawkins. You take a sip from the sweet drink as she turns on some music. As you tidy up and pack your belongings away, you can’t help but think about the last three weeks.

When you weren’t in class or working your part time job, more often than not you were on the phone with Eddie. Staying up late in your car not to disturb Tiffany. The sexual aspect of your relationship never slowed. Constantly sending each other explicit messages usually accompanied by nude photos. Eddie would save any photo you’d send his way, he could never get enough. Having to decide what he’d delete on his phone so he could save more photos of you.

You try hard not to think of them time when Tiffany was suppose to be at her boyfriends apartment. So you set up your laptop, giving Eddie the best view of your body. Legs spread perfectly so he could see your wet cunt as you rub circles on your clit. His camera faced toward his cock where he was desperately tugging on it. The sound of the dorm door being opened and lights turned on caused you to scream, slamming the laptop shut hurrying to cover your naked body.

Tiffany screamed too covering her eyes, “Jesus Christ can you warn me next time your gonna do that? Put a sock on the door or something.” He tone mostly teasing you.

You mutter out an sorry before grabbing your clothes and going to the bathroom. As soon as your in there you hear her laughter fill the dorm room. Takes you some time but eventually you find the courage to leave the bathroom. Tiffany looks up from what she was doing, a understanding smile on her lips.

“I’m not upset or anything. Actually kind of amused by the entire situation, that your so horned up you felt the need to do that. Can’t judge though if I lived farther from my man I’d be doing the same.” She let’s out a soft chuckle.

“Speaking of your man, weren’t you supposed to be at his?” You asked completely disregarding the rest of her words.

“Unfortunately for you, he got called into work girly.” She laughs, you sink into your bed absolutely mortified.

“Come girl you know damn well I’ll never let you forget that?”

“I know.” You groaned.

And she didn’t. Every time she came into the dorm room she’d knock obnoxiously loud, only to enter with her eyes covered. Asking if it was safe to enter or if you had all your clothes on.

—

It had taken much longer to prep your dorm room for winter break than you thought it would. Once you were finally done, your car packed with a suitcase filled with more than enough clothing to last you well over a month. You said your goodbyes to Tiffany and made the dreadful car ride home. Only this time it wasn't so dreadful, for once you had something to look forward to, Eddie.

The plan was to drive straight to Eddie's house. Your parents weren’t expecting you till Monday so you had all weekend uninterrupted with Eddie. The first hour or so of the drive was spent on the phone with him, only hanging up because service was spotty until you got closer to Hawkins.

With the shit service and nearly dead battery you didn't bother checking it again. The sun was just beginning to set when you arrived to Eddie's trailer, parking right in front. Wasting no time, you take your phone and keys up to his front door, knocking eagerly. Your excitement grows as you watch the door handle rattle as he opens it.

Your greeted by Eddie, he looks just as happy as you are in this moment. You step forward wrapping you arms around his waist, taking a moment to breathe in his smell. He follows your lead, hands wrapping around you. Before he can speak you reach to his level, fingers finding his hair. They always end up in his hair. You cut him off by kissing him deeply, for a moment he drops into the kiss only to pull away. Your face contorts to a pout upset at the loss of contact.

The sound of someone else clearing their throat alerts you to their presence. It’s Wayne, Eddie’s uncle, the man you’ve heard so many stories about. Eddie’s only family whom you’ve never met before. His first impression of you was you throwing your self at his nephew.

Eddie’s face is apologetic as you smile at Wayne and introduce yourself, his face flat with no emotion.

“Nice to meet the one that’s been occupying all my nephews time.” He teases, finally smiling putting your anxieties temporarily at ease.

“Figured you’d be hungry after a long drive. Made dinner and thought we could all have dinner together.” Wayne admits, walking into the kitchen out of view.

“Ain’t nothing fancy just made some spaghetti.” Wayne says from the other room.

“I’m starving, sounds delicious.” You respond before zeroing on Eddie.

“Could of used a warning. The first time I ever meet your uncle and I was too busy climbing you like a tree to notice he’s here.” You say in a whisper, in hopes that Wayne can’t here.

“I messaged you and tired to call you. I’m sorry.” He replies. You unlock your phone and immediately all the notifications start coming in, too late.

“It’s fine.” You smile, sneaking one more kiss before joining Wayne at the kitchen table.

—

“So you’re in college right? What you going to school for?” Wayne asks, shoving his face with another fork full. You begin explaining why your in school and what your majoring in.

“Damn Eddie how’d you land this one? She’s smart and you’re... not.” He laughs, he’s the only one laughing. You look to Eddie who looks like he's use to these type of comments.

“Eddie’s smart in his own ways.” You respond, more than ready to stand up for Eddie.

“How so?” Wayne scoffs.

“Have you ever seen him perform? He’s so talented. He totally has stage presence when he’s up there performing. I could never do that.” Eddie smiles at your kind words.

“Or have you ever sat in on one of his campaigns? He’s so creative, a natural born story teller. Half the time I don’t even understand what they’re doing, way beyond my comprehension.” You add, watching as Wayne pays no attention to you.

“That shits never gonna make him any money. Let’s be real.” Wayne laughs, food spilling out of his mouth.

“I could totally see Eddie being a bad ass rock star. Have you heard their music? I feel like they just need to create a brand for themselves and start promoting their music. Corroded Coffin could totally make it.” You snap, feeling yourself getting worked up. Eddie only ever talked about Wayne in such a positive light. So to hear Wayne shit on him so easily was very upsetting. Seeing Eddie’s reaction only further upsetting you.

“Has he told you about he’s on his second senior year?” Wayne asks, dismissing everything you said.

“Yeah I know that. Schools not for everyone.”

“Not for Eddie.” Wayne laughs harder then he laughed before. At this point you don’t respond too sacred if you say something, it’ll be something you regret. The rest of dinner is filled with silence. Wayne gets up and leaves without saying a word, he’s left the two of you alone in the trailer.

“You okay?” You ask, Eddie’s slumped over his place.

“Yeah.” He doesn’t sound okay.

“He’s kind of a dick.” You admit, Eddie cracks a smile.

“He’s just concerned about me. He took me in at such a young age and now I continue to be a failure for him.” He sighs, getting up and grabbing the plates from the table and bringing them to the sink. He begins washing them leaving you sat at the table. You stand up and hug him from behind, resting your head on his shoulder blade.

“You’re not a failure.” You murmur, against his back.

“How’d I get so lucky to have you in my life?” He asks, still working on the dishes. Eddie was always asking you questions like this one. As if he didn’t feel adequate enough to be with you. Which was entirely the opposite of what you believed.

“By not being a failure.” Eddie chuckles finally, you can feel him relax and a smile return to his lips.

“And by being so so so so sweet and uhhh sexy.” You tease, he shuts the water off to face you.

“Sexy?” He says with an perplexed smile.

“Mhmm,” You purr. Eddie cups your ass before kissing you tenderly, pulling you closer. His lips travel down your throat causing you to whimper under his touch.

“What about your uncle?” You ask barely audible as you squirm under his touch, his hands slipping under your shirt.

“He went to work. He’ll be gone all night.” That’s all you needed to hear, you had been waiting for this moment for weeks. Dreaming of this moment, when you’d finally get to be alone with Eddie.

You pull away only to lead him to his bedroom, shutting the door behind him. He pushes your body into the bed, climbing on top of you. Kissing you for a brief moment before pulling your shirt off revealing your chest. He places a soft kiss on your nipple before enveloping in his mouth. A small moan leaves you lips as your hips buck upwards. Eddie pushes you down, only to release your nipple from his mouth. His pulls you jeans down, to reveal the sexy underwear you wore specifically for this occasion.

“For me?” He growls, you nod yes. He reaches to remove them. A swift push of his hands has him confused.

“I want to make you feel so good. As good as you make me feel every day, okay?”

He nods yes as you instruct him to take his pants off, he stands up to do so only for you to follow before getting on your knees, fully on display for his viewing pleasure. You’re face to face with the tent in his boxer, you grasp his hard on though the thin fabric. Pumping it a few times, watching as his face contorts with pleasure. You let go only to slips his boxers down, letting them fall to his ankles. His dick sits straight up for you.

“I’ve missed you.” You say, out loud accidentally.

“Are you talking to my-?” He’s shut up by your lips kissing his tip in an attempt to distract him from the fact that you were fully talking to his cock. Your mouth parts around the length of his shaft. Slowly at first letting your throat stretch until his tip reaches the back of your throat. One hand reaches for his balls, playing with them. You let his cock leave your mouth for a moment before sucking on it again, only this time faster. Hollowing your cheeks as you take him deeper into your throat.

You look up through your lashes only to make eye contact with him. The sight before you makes the pool between your legs grow. His hands tangle into your hair, forcing your head into him. Your nose rests in his pubes as you choke on his cock. He lets go and watches as you let you go, drool webs from his cock to your lips. You wipe it away, only to use the spit to pump his cock a few times. Your lips part once again, taking his full length in. He forces your head into him again, this time your eyes start to water.

“Fuck your taking me so good.” He says, bucking his hips into your mouth. Fucking your mouth. Your a mess, tears and spit dripping down your chin landing on your chest. He pulls away momentarily, only to admire the site in front of him. The mess he’s made of you. He taps his tip on your cheek causing you to smile before he’s parting your lips once more, letting his cock hit the back of your throat a few more times.

“How do you want me? Huh?” He asks, your unable to answer your mouth still full. He pulls out so you can answer, knowing if he doesn’t change up the position he’s gonna finish quicker then he’d like. Knowing he needs to feel your insides before that happens.

“I want to be on top.” You say, barley audible. He helps you stand up, kissing you roughly before laying down. You waste no time crawling up his body, eventually aligning your entrance with his cock. The wetness from your pussy and the saliva that coats his cock mixes as you bottom out on his cock. The most pornagrapic moan leaves your mouth as he stretches your cunt. It’s a mixture of pain and pleasure, having to get used to his size again after weeks of only using your hands.

“It’s like your pussy was made for me, so fucking perfect.” He groans as you finally start to move. You begin by grinding on his cock. Rolling your hips setting a rhythmic pace. Eddie’s large hands rest on your hips pushing you further down on his cock. You fall to his level, kissing his lips once again never stopping the motion of your hips.

His arms wrap around you so he can thrust into you from under you, harder than what you we’re currently doing causing you to cry out in pleasure. Your head falls between next to his as he fucks you.

“I need more. I need you on top.” You whimper, knowing that when Eddie’s on top he can truly fuck you at his best. He doesn’t argue, rolling over so your under him. His kisses you as he lets the tip of his cock, slip between your folds. Your moaning turns into a cry as he enters your cunt, his lips still kissing you as the sounds leave your mouth.

He picks up his pace, thrusting his hips in a steady motion. Your fingers reach for your clit, running circles around it. Knowing that’s the little push you need to come undone while wrapped around Eddie’s cock. Your walls start fluttering around his cock, your gut tightens. Your vision blurs as your pushed over the edge, your nails dig into Eddie’s back probably leaving marks.

“Good girl.” He grunts, continuing his brutal pace. He gives you one last powerful thrust before flooding you with his cum. You pull his head down to your level, kissing him frenziedly. Letting his tired cock rest in your cunt, keeping it warm. You can’t help but frown when he eventually pulls away from your embrace, leaving you feeling empty. He rolls over next you, you cuddle up closer to him. Listening to his heart beat so fast. You two lay there in silence for a few minutes before he breaks the silence.

“Are we just going to gloss over the fact that your were totally talking to my dick? Telling him how much you missed him?” He laughs tiredly, voice cracking as he teases you.

“I missed both of you.” You say with a roll of your eyes.

TAG LIST: @nika-sophie05 @comboboo @tlclick73 @anaisweird @soulesstravlers @resident-gay-bitch

[is-on-its-way]

orison wip

My hc is scully was with child from the ivf and she lost the baby in Orison… I know… Im absolutely not well. 🤗

Shes gone in the morning when he opens his eyes.

He sits up “scully?” he calls out although he doesnt know why. He knows shes gone. 

No answer. 

He gets up and walks around, still nude, to the bathroom, kitchen, and extra room. She’s gone. Long gone. The sink is dry. 

He looks on the dining room table for a note.  they always leave notes. 

It was three words long. 

Mulder, Im sorry 

He let out an audible groan of despair and exasperation. he hadn’t wanted her to regret it and she was. Their first time and she was ashamed. He rubbed his face and got the sleep from his eyes, thinking what the plan was.

He called their office.

No answer.

He dialed again. 

“Hi sir, Is scully with you?”

“No. Why agent Mulder? Skinner said with a sharp tone of warning.

“Sir, were going to need a personal day.”

“Agent mulder! Where is she…” he hears as he pulls the phone away from his ear.

He calls Maggie.

“Hi Fox.” Comes her sing song voice.

“Hi Maggie. Is um… Is scul… is Dana there?

“Yeno.” Then a pause. “Sorry Fox, shes… I haven’t seen her today.”

“Thanks Maggie.” he said, closing his eyes. He exhaled a sigh of relief at finding her so quickly. All of his anxiety, well most of it drained away. He hoped he hadn’t ruined everything by letting himself become her solace. 

“Im coming over. I need to see her.”

“Okay” she said a little quieter. “Bye Fox.”

Hes already pulling on underwear one handed as he tosses the phone on the bed and searches for his shirt and pants in the tangle of clothing on the floor.  

Cringing at the thought of scully ever finding out he’d talked to her mother in the nude with the memory of her still on him. He hadn’t washed after all, just got up, used the toilet, wet a washcloth with warm water, and handed it to her so she could clean herself up before she got up. He’d fallen asleep as she was in the bathroom but he remembered her coming into bed and wrapping her in his arms, whispering its “Its not your fault Dana” as she sobbed into his chest; As he teared up in her hair. 

Maggie opens door and lets him in. 

Scully’s sitting on the couch looking worse for wear, face pink and puffy and blank. Unreadable for a moments that feel like eons. But then her face softens, and his own melts from apprehension to he meet her with the same expression. 

Maggie interrupts their silent communication glancing from one to the other.

“Ill be upstairs I have to get back to the laundry.” She says gently. Retreating without either of them glancing at her. 

Mulder stood in his spot leaning against the molding of the living room entry. Waiting for her to speak.

“My mom is not good at stealthy stuff” she said finally. 

“I would’ve come anyway if she was” he chanced a small smile at her.

She gave him a tense smile back “ of course you would.”

“You think you can just leave bc youre ashamed? How many times have i been embarrassed in front of you? We’re past that Scully.”

“This is different”  she said in a quiet whistful voice as she looked away from him to the sky outside the windows.

He went to her, he could no longer hold himself at the distance he knew she wanted. 

Instead he knelt down on the floor in front of the couch at her knees. He whispered her name like a secret word, like a prayer, like it was the most sacred word in the world. He leaned against the couch hands itching to touch her. But waiting for her to find his face. 

“Dana” he said again with the same reverence. She closed her eyes and turned to face him. When she opened them it was a revelation. His heart compressed as if squeezed in his chest. And he felt a wave of emotion crash over him. 

He found her hand in her lap and wove his fingers through hers. Playing with them like he’d done a hundred times before. 

“You told me, you said you didnt want me to regret it.”

“Do you regret it?” He tried his damndest to not let the cold chill of panic flooding his spine show on his face or in his voice. He knew it would be no use she knew him.

She looked at him, sorrow on her face and he prepared for the worst. 

“Not you” she reached a hand to his cheek. 

“I regret how I did it. Why I did it”

“I couldn’t see your face and put on a smile this morning when you woke up.”

“I don’t need a smile scully I don’t need anything other than who you are.”

A tear fell down her cheek off her chin and into their hands. 

“Dana” he said and leaned his forehead to hers. “Our baby��� he managed, before his voice failed him.

He choked back a sob.

“I didnt realize how much love I would have even before…” he said his voice shaking. As he found her face with his hand and held onto her as if she were a life raft.

“Oh mulder” she called out in a high pitched desperate cry as sobs shook her body. He wrapped his arms around her and they cried together and touched together and kissed and held each other. Away from everything and everyone. A family for a moment in time. A family forever. 

@today-in-fic 🖤🤍

[noona-clock]

Are You Sure? - Part 1

Hmmm if I can request something, maybe exes to enemies to lovers with Jungshin? Not sure if you’d like details but it could be this prompt if it’s easier?: “trying hard to hate each other but something happened and they were stuck together. emotions & passions were running high”

I'll tell you what, anon. I honestly wasn't sure I would ever actually write this... but here we are! Thank you so much for requesting this, and I hope you enjoy your exes to lovers series! (I couldn't fit the 'enemies' part in here, I'm so sorry)

Genre: Exes to Lovers, Fluff, AU

Pairing: Jungshin x You (Female!Reader)

Warnings: None

Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, Epilogue | Words: 1,706

"Are you sure?" your best friend, Emily, asked you for at least the fifth time.

Before you answered her, you quickly pulled your phone away from your ear and checked how long it had been since you'd picked up her call.

Seven minutes.

Five times in the last seven minutes, your friend had asked you 'Are you sure?' when she had more important things to worry about right now!

Way more important things!

"Emily," you said firmly. "You are getting married in three days. I am one of your bridesmaids! I am incredibly, positively sure that I am getting on a plane in twenty minutes to be there for you!"

I mean, honestly! Three days away from your best friend's wedding where you're a bridesmaid! Did you even have a choice at this point?!

"I know, I know," Emily replied with a slight whine. "But -- it's just -- I mean -- well... you know."

You pressed your lips together to stop a sigh from escaping because, yes. You did know. You knew exactly what she was talking about.

And that 'something' was Jungshin. He was one of Yonghwa's best friends -- Yonghwa being Emily's future husband -- who was going to be playing in the band during the wedding reception.

And Jungshin also happened to be your ex-boyfriend.

But what did she expect you to do? Not go to her wedding? Return the beautiful bridesmaid's dress you'd bought months ago? You'd spent too many embarrassing hours on the phone with the hotel and airline trying to ensure you weren't around a certain bassist ex of yours for any longer than necessary to let it all go to waste now!

You were going, and that was that!

"I'll be fine!" you convinced her. And, yes, you were also convincing yourself. "We're both adults, we can be civil. And if I don't feel like talking to him, it will be easy enough to avoid him!"

Emily was silent on the other end for a few seconds, then she let out a short exhale.

"Okay," she finally said, her voice quiet and filled with compassion. "You're a really amazing best friend, did you know that?"

Her words made your heart swell. "Not as amazing as you!" you replied with a cheesy smile you were sure she could hear through the phone. And before you had a chance to get all mushy and start crying (you would do more than enough of that over the next few days), you added, "I'm boarding soon, and I haven't even gotten my coffee yet, so I gotta go."

"All right," Emily acquiesced. "I'll see you soon. Have a safe flight!"

"I'll convey your words directly to the pilot," you chuckled. "Bye, friend!"

Once you ended the call, you slid your phone into your pocket and made your way to the nearest coffee shop. Even though you'd said goodbye to stop yourself from getting too emotional, you'd also told the truth -- you hadn't gotten a coffee yet, and at this point, you desperately needed one.

Thankfully, there was a small stand between your gate and the next, so it didn't even take five minutes for you to procure a steaming hot cup of brew and join the boarding line for your flight.

As you were trying to balance your coffee, your carry-on, and reaching back into your pocket to retrieve your boarding pass on your phone, you noticed someone in your peripheral vision. They had just arrived at your gate, and you were absolutely too focused on not spilling your drink to care about who it was... except...

You would recognize that tall, lean frame anywhere. Even in line at the airport after catching just one side glance at him, apparently.

"Shit," you whispered to yourself as your heart dropped down into your stomach.

Yes, you had been somewhat prepared to see him for the first time in months, but not here! In every scenario you'd pictured in your head, you would see him from across the room at the rehearsal dinner: a room so crowded, you would have plenty of places to hide and avoid. And you'd accepted that, were at peace with it!

Reality, it seems, had other plans! Because he was here! At the airport! At your gate!

Wait, hold on.

...Did that mean...?

Oh, surely not.

That didn't mean he was on your flight, did it? Because, as previously mentioned, you had changed your ticket for the sole reason of not being on the same airplane as him for three hours!

So, had he also changed his ticket?

Before you could think any more about that, you reached the gate attendant and had to scan your boarding pass.

"Thank you," you murmured after hearing the melodic 'ding' of a successful scan, precariously shifting your phone to the same hand as your coffee so you could grab the handle of your suitcase.

As you walked down the boarding bridge, you had to actively force yourself to concentrate on not spilling your phone or dropping your coffee so your mind wouldn't wander to a certain fellow passenger whom you had not been expecting to see for at least 24 hours.

Nope. Rewind for just a second!

You had absolutely just thought 'spilling your phone or dropping your coffee,' and it absolutely should have been the other way around.

Let's try that again.

As you walked down the boarding bridge, you had to actively force yourself to concentrate on not dropping your phone or spilling your coffee so your mind wouldn't wander to a certain fellow passenger whom you had not been expecting to see for at least 24 hours.

There we go.

Now we may continue!

You had double-checked your pass about five times before Emily's call, so you were certain you were in seat 22A. What seat was --

No, stop! Stop thinking about him! Keep thinking about holding your phone and your cup in a firm grip so neither of them fell to the floor!

"Hello!" a smiling flight attendant greeted you as you stepped over the threshold and into the plane.

You greeted him back, flashing him a quick smile and carefully navigating into the narrow aisle to make your way down to row 22.

Then, after you set your phone down on your seat and a very courteous person behind you offered to hoist your carry-on up into the overhead bin, you slid past the other seats in your row and plopped down in your chair by the window.

...Okay, now you could think about it.

What seat was Jungshin in? Would he have to walk past you to get to it? Would he see you? Why was he even on this flight? He was supposed to be on a flight tomorrow, as was the original plan the two of you had made when you'd still been together! So, he obviously had also changed his ticket, but why? For the same reason as you? To avoid being on the same flight as you? The thought that had persuaded you to change your ticket was that he wouldn't have had the idea to do it himself. (To be honest, that was a rather large part of the cause of your break-up -- he had relied on you to do a lot of the heavy lifting in the relationship, at least mentally and emotionally.) It just didn't make sense to you that he would have been thoughtful enough to do something like this for you!

Had he really changed that much since you'd last spoken? Honestly, the curiosity was starting to eat you up inside, but before you had the chance to dig your phone out from underneath you to text Emily, you caught a glimpse of Jungshin coming down the aisle.

Hurriedly, you slid down into your seat and leaned forward as if you were searching for something in your personal item bag on the floor. Even if he did walk by you and noticed you, surely he wouldn't be able to recognize you based solely on your hair. A lot of people had the same color hair as you!

For what seemed like hours, you dug around in your bag, sifting through everything you'd packed in there, but of course looking for nothing in particular. And when you finally felt it was safe enough to sneak a peek, you ever so slowly tilted your head to the side, letting your hair slide away just enough to allow you to see.

Well, there was no sign of him in your row, thank god. So, you lifted your gaze just a bit more. Relief flooded your chest when you saw the aisle was ex-boyfriendless, also. Of course, this meant you didn't know where he was sitting. You'd have to subtly investigate during the flight because the not knowing would bother you.

Let's be real here: everything about this situation bothered you. You had already been dreading seeing Jungshin at this wedding, but you'd been slightly comforted by the fact you wouldn't have to share a flight or hotel room with him. And now you'd been robbed of half of that comfort!

You were supposed to be happy for your best friend as she married the love of her life and started on the beautiful and wonderful journey of marriage with her soulmate. You were supposed to be thrilled, over the moon, basking in joy!

But, nope! You were bothered and uncomfortable and irritated and jealous and annoyed and --

Wait, excuse me?

No.

No, no, no, You were not jealous.

You truly were not sure why you'd thought that word because you weren't. You were not jealous! Not at all!

Had you thought at one point that you were going to marry Jungshin? Yes, to be honest, you had. Were you upset that it wasn't going to happen?

...I mean, maybe.

Not upset, really, just... a bit glum. A relationship ending is almost always upsetting, right? Especially when it had been someone you'd thought you would marry.

But never mind all that. The point is, you were not jealous.

You. Were. Not. Jealous.

Now, you just had to get through this flight and get to the hotel without thinking about, seeing, or bumping into Jungshin.

Should be pretty easy, right?

Part 2

[bellaireland1981]

Starting Over | 4

Summary: You come home to work to find your husband of three years in bed with your supposed best friend. It’s the wake up call you finally needed to take your two year old daughter and get the hell out of Texas. With nowhere to go you head to your big brother in San Diego. The sagger squad takes you under their wings, and shows you what having a family means. You get a fresh start… will you find your happily ever after?

Characters: Jake “hangman” Seresin x Sister! Reader, Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw x Seresin! Reader (Eventually), Hangman x Phoenix (eventually) , Adorable OC Gracie!   The Dagger squad

Word Count: 6129

Warnings: Angst, cheating husband, emotional abuse, eventual fluff, smut in later chapters, Sweet uncle Jake, Adorable Rooster with a toddler… if I miss any please let me know.

A/N: I don’t own the characters or storyline for Top Gun Maverick. All OC’s are mine. I DO NOT GIVE PERMISSION FOR ANYONE TO COPY OR REPOST MY WORK TO ANY OTHER PLATFORM! DON’T STEAL! Reblogs, likes and comments ALWAYS welcomed. THANK YOU @waywardodysseys​ and  @beyondthesefourwalls​ as always for reading over my work and helping me flush out ideas!!

Taglist is open! If I missed anyone who asked to be tagged, please fill out this GOOGLE FORM  to be added. It’s getting to hard to keep track of asks. 

CH 1  CH 2  CH 3

The next morning everyone descended on the house to head over to the zoo together.  Gracie had already finished her breakfast and was playing with her toys while you packed her diaper bag with an extra set clothes, diapers…you really needed to tackle potty training, snacks, and her sippy cups.

“Are we ready for a day with animals?” Jake asked excitedly, coming into the living room. “Princess G! It’s zoo time!”

“Aminals! Unco Jakey we go bye bye!” Gracie cheered, running as fast as her little legs would take her over to Jake. He picked her up, tossing her in the air to make her laugh before holding securely in his arms.

“Ready to go, Tulip?” he asked you, “Everyone is outside.”

“Yup!” You replied, “I think I’ve got everything…. Wait! Sunscreen!” You ran back to the bathroom and grabbed the bottle of sunscreen before retracing your steps to the living room.  “Ready!”

Jake laughed, shaking his head and heading out the door with your daughter. Once outside, Gracie saw Bradley next to his Bronco, she got even more excited, once more squirming in Jake’s arms trying to get to him.

“Woosta!!” She yelled, “Unco Jakey, down!”  To keep from her squirming out of his arms, he set the toddler down and watched as she ran to Bradley.

“Hey Princess!” Bradley said, shooting a smug smirk to Jake. “Ready for the zoo?”

“Yes!” She replied, “You come too?”

“Yup!” He replied, “Let’s get you into your seat so we can get going, ok?”

“You know, Chicken, I’m really starting to think you’re trying to steal my Princess G from me.” Jake complained, scowling at Bradley.

“I can’t help it that she likes me more, Hangman.” Bradley threw back, teasing his friend. “She’s got taste!”

“Relax, Hangman,” Phoenix said, walking over, “He’s just a shiny new toy. The newness will wear off, then she’ll be her uncle's little princess again.”

“Or…”You said, coming down the front stairs after locking the house, “Gracie has room in her heart for BOTH of you goofballs.”

“I suppose.” Jake said, playfully, “But you love Uncle Jakey more, right Princess G?”

“I wuv you, Unco Jakey!” Gracie replied sweetly, then turned to Bradley and grabbed his face with her little hands. “I wuv you too Woosta!”

“I love you too, Princess.” Bradley replied, smiling widely and kissing Gracie’s cheek.

Your heart absolutely melted the sight.  You could feel tears prickling behind your eyes, emotions overwhelming you. You wanted your little girl to have a dad who loved her and wanted her. Your heart broke that her actual dad was sickeningly closer to your own dad. You were thankful she had her Uncle, and now his friends too.

Jake, seeing your reaction, gave your shoulder a squeeze, dropping a kiss on your head.

“Ok, let’s get going!” Coyote said, “We’ve got a zoo to tackle!”

Bradley put Gracie in her carseat in Jake’s truck.

“Woosta!” Gracie called, “You sit wif me!”

“Guess you’re a backseater today, Rooster.” Jake teased him.

“I will happily ride with you, Princess!” Bradley said, climbing in next to her in the truck. You smiled at him, handing him her diaper bag to keep in the back. He winked at you, before directing his attention fully to your daughter.

“Alright, let’s get this show on the road!” Jake called to everyone still outside of vehicles. You climbed into the front of Jake’s truck and got settled in. Phoenix jumped into the seat on the other side of Gracie, while Jake got into the driver’s seat.

“Buckle up” he reminded, although everyone was already in the process. “Looks like I’ve got 3 backseaters and a co-pilot today.”

“Wow, Bubs” You laughed, “That was pretty bad.”

“Yeah it was.” Phoenix agreed, “If anything you have a co-pilot and you’re flying a commercial plane with passengers.”

“Or a co-pilot and crew.” Bradley threw in. “Apparently Hangman is a plane snob and everything has to be a fighter jet.”

“Note to self…never ride with naval aviators.” You said, rolling your eyes. “Maybe I’ll just ride with Bob and Fanboy next time.”

“Critics.” Jake said, “All of you are critics. Princess G is the only one that loves me.”

“But she apparently loves Rooster more.” Phoenix teased, smiling at Gracie.

“Ouch.” Jake pouted, “Phoenix, that hurts.”

After getting to the zoo, you applied sunscreen to Gracie while Jake go the stroller from the back of the truck and got it set up. Phoenix placed the diaper bag in the basket under the stroller for you, while you buckled Gracie into her seat. You pulled the shade down so the sun wouldn’t beat on her head and be in her eyes. You made a mental note to look to see if they had any toddler hats or sunglasses your next Target trip. Living in California, that would be a necessity for outdoor outings.

“Ok! We’re set!” You said, moving around to push the stroller.

You all made your way to the entrance of the zoo before stopping in front of the Welcome sign.

“Group picture!” Coyote said, “We can send it to Maverick. Maybe he’ll frame it and put it on his desk.”

“Hand me a phone,I’ll take it” You offered, “Team Dagger coming right up!”

Coyote pulled his phone out, handing it to you. The squad all got in front of the welcome sign and you snapped several pictures, both nice and goofy, before you handed the phone back to him.

“Family picture!” Jake said, motioning you over with Gracie in the stroller for a picture.  “Need a picture with my girls.”

“I’ll take it.” Bradley offered, using his own phone to snap some pictures. “I’ll text them to you.”

Once pictures were done, you actually made your way into the zoo.

The whole group stayed together for the morning, walking between exhibits and habitats. You found yourself laughing more than you had in probably years. The group was a lot of fun and definitely close. Gracie alternated between being in her stroller and being carried by various people in the group. She loved being with her Uncle Jake, who carried her on his shoulders. Bradley took several turns holding her, both on his shoulders and carrying her on his hip with one arm around her.

By lunch time, she was content to be in her stroller, in the shade,  munching on some french fries and chicken nuggets from the cafe at the zoo.

You sat next to her at the picnic table eating your own lunch, the rest of the squad spread out between 2 tables.

“This was a great idea.” Phoenix said, taking a bite of her sandwich. “I can’t tell you the last time I was at a zoo.”

“It was.” You replied, “I haven’t been able to do much like this with Gracie. It’s so fun to watch her reactions to animals.”

“Wait until we take her to Disneyland!” Jake exclaimed, “Do you want to go see all the princesses and Mickey Mouse, Princess G?”

“Pwincess!” She agreed, happily. “Mickey too!”

“Isn’t she too little for that still?” You asked, “She’s only 2!”

“Ok, we’ll just take her for her birthday!” Jake reasoned, “Or….we take her now and for her birthday.”

“You’re insane, Jakey.” You laughed, “Disney is too expensive for multiple trips.”

“It’s not bad if you get the memberships.” Bradley said, handing Gracie a piece of his cookie.

“I saw that” You smirked at him, “Y’all are seriously goin’ to spoil my daughter.”

“Yeah, Rooster, stop spoiling my niece.” Jake said, handing her a piece of his own cookie as well.

“You’re laughing now, but she’s all yours when she turns into a gremlin with all the sugar.” You said, “Don’t think you’re leaving me with a sugared up toddler.”

“Princess G is not a Gremlin, Tulip.” Jake said, feigning outrage, “She’s a sweet, cuddly, Princess. Just so happens she is also my favorite niece.”

“She’s your ONLY niece, Bubs.” You laughed, rolling your eyes. “And if she gets all sugared up and refuses to nap, she’ll be your only Gremlin niece.”

“She’s got you there, Hangman.” Coyote laughed, “It’ll be alright, tho. Between all of us, we can run her energy off. I vote we let the baby have all the sugar today!”

“Spoken from someone who’s clearly not spent time around small children.” Phoenix pointed out, “We have to wait to sugar her up until AFTER her nap.”

“Not helping, Nat.” You said, shaking your head.

“Yeah, Phoenix” Bradley said, shaking his head at her, “Not helping here.”

“You gave her the first piece of cookie!” You exclaimed, laughing. “Bob! Aren’t you supposed to be wrangling the overgrown kids?”

“My bad.” He said, looking innocent. “Stop corrupting Gracie y’all! Wait until she’s older!”

“BOB!” You laughed, “I think I’m going to need to call in the big gun here. Maverick is clearly the one that keeps you all contained.”

“Actually,” Phoenix said, “Penny would probably be the better option for that.”

“Noted.” You replied, reaching around to grab the wipes from the diaper bag. You wiped Gracie’s hands that had become very sticky, and her face from the cookie crumbs.  

“Will she nap in her stroller if we walk her around?” Bradley asked, as he finished his own meal.

“Yeah, she’s pretty good about knocking out when she’s tired.” You replied, “I’ll just lay her seat back and put the shade fully down to block the sun.”

“What’s the plan for the afternoon then?” Payback asked, from the next table, “What does everyone want to see?”

“I want to check out the reptiles, snakes, and insects.” Bob said, “That exhibit looked pretty cool.”

“I can check out some reptiles.” Payback replied. Fanboy agreed with Bob and Payback.

“I’m out.” Bradley said, “Not all about the snakes and insects.”

“Same.” You replied, “Enough of the snakes and bugs in Texas, no thanks.”

“What about The Lost Forest?” Jake suggested, “It’s got the birds, the monkeys, and such. Then we can hit the bigger animals in Africa and The Outback before leaving later.”

“I like that plan.” You said, “I want to see the Sloths for sure. They’re my absolute favorite.”

“OK, how about we split up then and we can all meet back up in a bit?” Bradley suggested, “Birds and forest animals sound good to me!”

“Me too,” Said Phoenix. “I do not do snakes.”

“Alright, let’s go see some more animals then.” Jake said, “We’ll text you guys when we’re heading back to another area.”

“Sounds good.” Payback said, “Let’s go see some reptiles!”

Your smaller group headed toward the Lost Forest section of the zoo. Gracie made it through the monkeys and gorilla habitat then knocked out in her stroller. You made sure the sunshade was blocking the majority of the sun from her but still allowed the slight breeze through to keep her cool.

Jake pulled Phoenix to a display set up as a photo op, making her take a picture with her face through a cutout of animals. You laughed, pulling your phone out to snap a picture.

“Jake put your face through too!” You said, holding your phone up. He happily ducked behind the display with Phoenix to pop his face into a cutout. You laughed, holding up your phone again to snap another picture.

“Here, leave Gracie with me. Go get a picture with Jake.” Bradley said.

“Ok.” You replied smiling, “Then you’re the next victim.”

He laughed, shooing you over to the display.  

Jake and you posed for a picture before you told Jake and Nat to stay put and went back to send Bradley over.

“Your turn, Hot Shot.” You said, nodding to the display.

He walked over joining the others for a picture. Once you snapped a few, they joined you again.

“OK, I need something cold to drink. I’m going to go find something, does anyone else want anything?” Phoenix asked.

“I’ll come with you, I could use a drink too.” Jake said.

“I’m good. I want ice cream!” You said. You’d seen several people with ice cream cones and it made you really want one.

“Ice cream does sound fantastic.” Bradley agreed. “I’ll tag along with you. We can meet up at the start of The Outback and text the others.”

“Alright. You’ve got precious cargo with you, Rooster.” Jake said, “Take care of my girls.”

“I’ll guard them with my life.” He promised, winking at you as he said it.

“Phoenix, can you please babysit my brother for a bit?” You asked, playfully, “He requires intense adult supervision.”

“I’ll do my best.” She laughed, “But I make zero promises that I won’t duct tape his mouth closed.”

“You can’t blame her there” Bradley shrugged.

You walked over to Jake and hugged him, whispering “Just be you Jakey. Let her in.”  He hugged you back, before pulling away and flashing you a sweet smile, following Phoenix after their drinks.

“Let’s go find some ice cream,” You said, “There’s gotta be a cart or shop around here somewhere. I’ve seen a million people with ice cream.”

The two of you headed down the path in the direction you’d been heading before the pictures.

“What did you tell Jake to put the goofy smile on his face?” Bradley asked.

“Just reminded him to be Jake and not Hangman.” You shrugged, “He really does like Nat. Beyond just  liking and respecting her as a coworker and fellow aviator. He really likes her. Sometimes my brother gets in his own head and he doubts that anyone could actually like him so he puts on a act to protect himself.”

“I would say that Phoenix likes Jake too.” Bradley said, “Also more than just a friend or coworker. She will fight it though. She’s had to build a solid wall to keep herself protected, being one of the few female Top Gun pilots.”

“They’re a match made in Heaven.” You smiled, glancing at Bradley. “You know, he really respects the hell out of all of you. He might not show it often…or maybe not at all… but Jake cares a hell of a lot about you all and what you think about him.”

“Honestly, before the Uranium Mission, I thought Jake was an arrogant asshole that cared more about himself than anyone else.” Bradley admitted, “But after spending time training with him and then when he literally saved my life… he finally started to show us there was more to him. Part of it was us finally being open to seeing another side of him too. We all care about him too, Y/N. We’ve built our own family.”

“It’s really good to see my brother happy.” You said, “Now my goal is to show him he deserves to happy and loved.”

“What about you, Sweetheart?” Bradley said, “Don’t you think you deserve that too? I know Jake wants that for you. The rest of us see that you deserve the world too.”

“I’m working on it.” You admit, quietly, “I know I don’t deserve anything that I’ve been dealt from Trent.”

“I know Jake’s a little worried he’ll show up.” Bradley said, “I saw let him try. He’ll quickly learn that we don’t let insecure pencil dick asswipes mess with anyone in our family.”

You laughed at the colorful description of your soon to be ex husband.

“I’m serious.” He said, “I can’t wrap my head around how anyone could have you and Gracie and not consider themselves to be the luckiest person in the world. It proves that he’s too stupid to breath the same air if he can’t see how special the two of you are.”

“Thank you, Bradley.” You replied softly, “You’re really sweet.”

“Just callin’ it like I see it.” He said, redness creeping up over his neck and face.

“I think we’ve found the ice cream.” You said, pointing at a small building to the left.

After getting ice cream cones, and losing the battle over paying for them to Bradley, you made your way to a bench in the shade so you could sit and eat them while Gracie continued her nap.

“This is exactly what I needed.” you said, happily eating your ice cream.

“It was a great idea.” Bradley agreed, eating his own cold treat. “Think Gracie will want some when she wakes up?”

“Gracie never turns down ice cream.” You laughed, “She’s one hundred percent her momma’s lil’ girl.”

“She’s definitely as pretty as her momma.” Bradley said smoothly. He knew you were technically still married but he couldn’t help the way you and Gracie were pulling him in. Knowing there was zero chance you’d be working things out with the douchebag, alleviated any guilt for flirting with a married woman.

“You’re a natural flirt, aren’t you, Bradley?” You asked, smiling. Regardless if he was seriously meaning to flirt with you or not, it felt good. He was a really good man, you knew that from the few days you’d known him. It felt like you’d known him longer. He was the type of man you wished you’d fallen for instead of buying into whatever Trent had tried to sell you. He was the type of man you wished your daughter had for a father. Maybe once all the dust settled after the divorce and you were ready, you could find a man like Bradley.

“Possibly, but it doesn’t negate the fact that it’s also true.” He shrugged, smiling. “You’re beautiful and Gracie looks like a mini version of you.”

“Thank you, Bradley.” You replied, ducking your head to hide the heat creeping over your face.

He made a mental note to give you more compliments so you’d hopefully start to see what he saw when he looked at you. He also made a note to talk to Phoenix to get her opinion on how Jake would react to him pursuing you once your divorce was final.

“Mommy, I firsty.” Gracie said groggily. You stood up from the bench to get her cup from her diaper bag and gave it to her.

“Hi, Baby Girl.” You said, “Did you have a nice nap?” She nodded, sipping her cup.

“Me have some?” she asked, eyeing your ice cream cone. You laughed, crouching down to offer some of the treat to your daughter.

“Told you she was my girl.” You said, smiling up at Bradley, still sitting on the bench.

“Woosta ice cweam too?” she asked, sitting up and turning to see Bradley.

“You want to share mine too, Princess?” He asked, “It’s way better than Mommy’s!”

“Hey!” You exclaimed, laughing. “Cookies and Cream is the best ice cream, thank you very much.”

“Not as good as cookie dough.” He insisted, scooting closer to the stroller and leaning over, elbows on his knees, to offer a bite of his ice cream to Gracie.

She happily sampled the ice cream he offered, a little getting on her nose. He laughed before wiping it away with his finger.

“See, isn’t that better than Mommy’s ice cream?” he asked the toddler.

“Yes!” She agreed, although you were sure she was just agreeing with whatever Bradley said, not caring what she was agreeing to.

“Traitor.” You pouted, playfully. “Guess that just means I get to enjoy this ice cream all by myself.”

“I’ll share with you, Tulip.” Jake said, coming up behind you and nabbing your cone to lick some of the ice cream.

“What the hell, Jakey!?” You glared, “Unhand my ice cream. You can get your own.”

“That actually is really good.” He said, handing you back your cone. “I think I will go grab one. Phoenix, you want some ice cream?”

“That does sound pretty good.” She agreed, “I’ll come with you.”

“Looks like they’re getting along pretty well.” You observed as they headed across to the ice cream shop.

“It does.” Bradley agreed, watching the pair. “Looks like we’re on to something here.”

“Ice cweam, Woosta” Gracie said. “Pwease.”

“Good manners, Gracie Girl!” You praised, smiling at your daughter.

“Here you go, Princess.” Bradley said, tipping the cone towards her again.

“How are y’all gonna get ice cream without us?” Coyote asked, coming over. Bob, Fanboy and Payback joining too.

“Jake and Phoenix are across getting some now, y’all can get some and then we can finish up the rest of the habitats.” Bradley suggested.

Once everyone had their fill of ice cream, you all headed to The Outback and Africa habitats. Gracie was most excited about the kangaroos and then the Elephants and Giraffes. Jake pulled her out of the stroller, setting her on his shoulders so she could see the animals better. You tried to capture as much of the experience as possible in pictures and videos. You planned to print out the pictures and add them to her photobook. Thankfully, even in your haste to get out of the house, you’d managed to grab her other baby books so you’d have those for her when she got older.

“Alright, as fun as this day was,” Payback said, “But, I am starving and surprisingly beat.”

“You literally fly fighter jets, pulling G’s for a living..” You teased, “And the ZOO tired you out?”

“OH! She’s got you there, man.” Coyote laughed.

“Weak.” Phoenix teased, “I am starving though. The ice cream was great, but I need real food.”

“I could eat.” Bob agreed.

Later that evening after Gracie is in bed, you’re sitting on the couch with Jake, only half way paying attention to the movie on TV. You open your email app on your phone seeing your lawyer sent something to you.

Opening it up you see it’s a notification that she’s gone ahead to file the request for legal separation and that she’s had it served to Trent. She also said she’s filed the petition for an order of protection.

“Everything ok, Tulip?” Jake asked gently, “All of the color just drained from your face.”

“Yeah.” You replied quietly, “Just an email from my lawyer… she’s filed separation papers and a petition for an  order of protection.”

“That’s good though, right?” He asked, “It’s the first step to your freedom.”

“It’s good.” You said, looking at him, “I promise it’s good. I’m just…scared. What if he really does come here? What if he makes it impossible to be free from him? It’s been nice to ignore it all for a few days, but I can’t hide anymore. I have to face this…but I’m scared.”

“You’re not alone, Tulip.” Jake reassured, scooting over to you and pulling you close, “He’ll have to come through me…and the rest of the squad. We won’t let anything happen to you or Gracie.”

“What if Gracie asks about her dad, Jake?” You asked, “Am I doing the right thing trying to cut him from her life?”

“You are absolutely doing the right thing, Sweetheart.” He promised, “He hasn’t asked about her once in all of the messages he’s sent. He admitted to not wanting her. He doesn’t deserve her. And if Gracie asks…which, honestly, she hasn’t yet and she’s so young… I think you have time to figure out what to say to her if she asks.”

“I just want to protect her from everything…. But I don’t want to deprive her either.” You sighed.

“She isn’t missing anything by not having that piece of shit in her life.” Jake said, “She’ll have all the uncles and an aunt she can handle and… someday maybe she’ll get the dad she deserves…and her mom will get the love SHE deserves.”

“I love you, Jakey.” You said, sinking into your brother’s embrace. “Thank you.”

“Love you too, Tulip.” He replied, dropping a kiss on your head, “Just have some faith. You’ll see…it’ll work out.”

***

Over the next couple of weeks, you fell into a routine of sorts. During the day while Jake was at work, you would clean up the house and throw dinners into the slow cooker or just prep if it was a non slow cooker meal in the mornings. Gracie, content to play or color while you got stuff done. During her naps you would sit out on the back patio reading, enjoying the warm weather, or on your laptop looking into childcare options so you could accept the position with Penny.

You had just gotten Gracie down for a nap one day when you got a phone call from your lawyer.

“Hi, Y/N.” She said, once you’d answered the phone. “I just wanted to give you an update on how things were going.”

“Hello.” You said, “Hoping it’s good news?”

“As expected, he has his feathers ruffled. He retained a lawyer and has already contested both the divorce and objected to the order of protection.” she said, “He’s counter suing for custody of Gracie, saying you relocated out of state without consent.”

“He doesn’t even WANT her!” You exclaimed, feeling your heart rate increase, “He can’t take my baby. Please don’t let him take her!”

“Y/N, it’s ok, honey” She said, her voice calm and soothing. “I fully expected this. He will not get custody of that sweet little girl. You have a hearing for the order of protection Monday at 9:30. Once that is in place, and it will be, we move forward with the divorce, requesting it be expedited as well as full custody of Gracie. Ideally, it would be great if we can get him to terminate parental rights… and we might be able to get that in return for no child support if you’d be willing to do that.”

“Absolutely” You said, “I literally want nothing from him other than my freedom and my daughter.”

“Ok.” She said, “I will keep in touch. Please continue to forward any texts or phone calls from him to me. I imagine his lawyer will instruct him that all communication is to go through legal, but he hasn’t shown he’s capable of following directions thus far.”

“Thank you, so much.” You said, “For everything.”

“It’s my pleasure Y/N” She replied, “I’ll be in touch.”

After hanging up you sat on the couch, desperately trying to keep the anxiety flooding your system contained. You couldn’t fall apart. Gracie was depending on you. Despite your best efforts though, the tears started falling freely down your face. You sat on the couch, allowing the tears to fall…giving yourself a moment to let the feelings out.

There was a light knock at the door a while later.  Quickly wiping your eyes, you walked over to the door, checking through the window to see who was there before pulling it open.

“Bradley…” You said, “Shouldn’t you be in the air?”

“I’m on the ground today, instructing.” He said, “Jake is in the air though, but he forgot a manual he needs when he’s done.”

“Come on in.” You said, stepping back and letting him in. “I have no idea where he’d have put the manual but you’re welcome to look for it. Would you like a drink or something to eat?”

“I’m alright, Sweetheart.” He said, offering a smile, “Thank you. He said it should be on the nightstand next to his bed…. Y/N, is everything ok? Have you been crying?”

“I’m fine.” You said, plastering on a smile. “I was just watching a sad movie.”

“Sweetheart.” He said gently, walking over to you, “Wanna try that again? You’re a lousy liar, Y.N.”

“My lawyer just called.” You choked out, unable to keep the front up. A fresh round of tears spilled down your cheeks and a sob made its way out, despite your best efforts to hold it back.

“Oh, shit, Baby, come here.” He said, pulling you into his embrace. “It’s ok. I’ve got you. No matter what, you’re safe and Gracie is safe.”

He held you, letting you cry, gently rubbing your back with one hand, the other cradling your head. He didn’t say anything more for the moment, just giving you the time you needed to break down.

When the tears finally stopped and you were able to catch your breath, you pulled back.

“I’m sorry.” You whispered.

“Absolutely no apologies, Sweetheart.” He replied, “I’m glad I was here.”

“A crying hysterical female was probably not what you signed up for when you told Jake you’d get his manual.” You said, “And I soaked your uniform shirt.”

“Y/N,” He said, a soft genuine smile on his lips, “My shirt will dry. Never apologize for having feelings or showing them. You don’t have to be tough all the time.”

“I’m still learning that.” You admitted, “Jake and I kinda had to be tough growing up. I tried not to break down on him because he had enough on his plate and then in adulthood…well… I’m sure he’s filled you in.”

“He has.” He said, “But just because he’s worried and he needed someone to talk him down. What did your lawyer say?”

“Trent is contesting the divorce, and he’s counter suing for custody saying I took Gracie out of state without permission.” You said, “I don’t know how he can do both… I would think by counter suing he’s agreeing to a divorce. My lawyer told me she expected it but I’m still scared, Bradley. I can’t lose my daughter…and I can’t go back to Texas.”

“You won’t lose her, Sweetheart.” He said confidently, “If need be you have a whole bunch of people to testify on your behalf on how amazing of a mother you are. Judging from the voicemails and texts that Jake showed me though, no judge would see him as the better parent choice. And you won’t have to go back.”

“I have to go to court Monday morning too.” You said, “That’s when the hearing for the order of protection is.”

“I can talk to Mav and take off to stay with Gracie so Jake can be there for you in court.” He offered.

“Bradley, I can’t ask that of you.” You said.

“You’re not asking, Sweetheart.” He smiled, winking, “I’m offering. Plus, I get to spend time with a sweet Princess…so win for me!”

“Thank you.” You smiled back.

“What time does Gracie usually wake up from her nap?” Bradley asked.

“She should be waking up in the next half hour or so.” You replied.

“Alright, I’m going to have Phoenix cover my pilots for the first part of the afternoon.” Bradley said, “When Gracie wakes up, I’ll have you two follow me back to base and you can hang out with the squad until Jake is done for the day.”

“You really don’t have to do that, Bradley.” You said, “I don’t want to interfere with your job. We’ll be fine until Jake gets home.”

“I’d feel better knowing the two of you were on base, Y/N.” He relied, “Jake will be happy you’re there too.”

“You won’t get into trouble?” You asked, biting your bottom lip, an anxious habit you’d picked up over the years. “And your bosses won’t get mad?”

“I won’t get into trouble.” He promised, “If the admirals take issue with it, I’ll send them Mav’s way.”

“Ok, then.” You said, giving in, “But if you’re giving up your lunch hour to babysit me, you have to let me make  you lunch.No arguments.”

“Yes, Ma’am.” He said, laughing. “I’ll go grab the manual for Jake so I don’t forget it and then I’ll call Phoenix.”

“Ok, I’ll get your lunch going.” You said, “Anything sound good in particular?”

“Whatever is easiest. Please don’t go out of your way.” He said, “I usually grab a protein bar from the vending machine, so really, whatever you feed me is 100% better than that.”

“I’m going to start sending extra food with Jake for you.” You said, shaking your head, “You cannot fly when poorly fed.”

He chuckled, heading up to Jake’s room. While up there he called Phoenix and filled her in. She quickly agreed, saying she’d let Mav know.

With the manual in hand, he headed back downstairs. He set the manual down next to the door and heads into the kitchen.

“I reheated a plate of chicken, loaded potatoes and veggies I made last night.” You said, handing him the plate of heated food.

“Thank you, Sweetheart.” He smiled, accepting the plate. “Have you eaten?”

“I ate when I fed Gracie lunch.” You said, grabbing the pitcher of lemonade from the fridge and pouring a glass before setting it on the table in front of Bradley.

“This is amazing, Y/N.” He said after digging into the food.

“Better than the protein bar?” You teased, smiling at him.

“No contest, Sweetheart.” He said, winking. “It’s gonna taste like sawdust now tomorrow.”

“Nope, absolutely not.” You said, shaking your head at the man, “You are not eating a protein bar for lunch anymore, Bradley. I meant it, I will be sending lunch for you with Jake.”

“He’ll hate sharing his lunches.” He laughed.

“He can deal.”  You said firmly, “And anyone else that only eats protein bars will be getting food sent for them too. I tend to make too much every meal anyway so it’s not a problem.”

After feeding Bradley lunch, you pulled out Gracie’s diaper bag and filled it with some toys, a change of clothes in case she needed it, restocked the diapers, and snacks. Once her bag was ready you got to work prepping the food for the dinner you were making that night, making note of anything you’d need to stop at the store to pick up.

“I think tonight is a a lasagna night.” You said, taking inventory of the fridge and pantry. “So you can plan on that for lunch tomorrow.”

“That sounds amazing.” Bradley grinned, “Thank you.”

“You’re more than welcome.” You smiled. “Any requests for the squad dinner Friday?”

“How about we just order pizzas and make it easier on you?” He suggested.

“Ordering pizzas is not a home cooked meal.” You replied, leveling him with your sternest look, while trying to keep a straight face. “I could make homemade pizzas though if you want pizza.”

“Let’s make a deal, Sweetheart.” He said, hands on his hips, trying to look like a tough negotiator. “I’ll throw stuff on the grill and then you can boss me around in the kitchen while supervising me preparing sides to go with the meat.”

“Deal.” You agreed, offering your hand to shake on the deal. “But we’re making Jake help too.”

“Deal.” He parroted, taking your ordered hand and shaking it firmly with his own, both of you lingering a few seconds longer than necessary.

“I’m going to go check on Gracie and start waking her up.” You said, “I don’t want you getting in trouble for being gone too long.”

“It’s ok.” He said, “I’ve got Phoenix covering. She was going to let Mav know you and Gracie will be on base too.”

“Ok.” You said, “Gracie will be excited to see you…and to get to go to see the jets again.”

You walked back to Gracie’s room and quietly walked in. She was just starting to stir as you came into the room. You grabbed her shoes from the top of her dresser and a clean diaper to change and padded over to her bed.

“Hi,Sweet Girl.” You said gently, allowing her to wake up slowly. “Mommy’s going to change you and get your shoes on then I have a surprise for you.”

She sat up on the bed, her chubby hands rubbing her eyes.

“Pwize?” she asked, groggily.

“Yup!” You said, smiling. You made quick work of changing her and putting her shoes on. You finger combed her curls to untangle them from her sleep, then carried her out the living room.  “Gracie, look who’s here.”

“Woosta!” She squealed, fully awake now and reaching for her favorite mustached aviator.

Bradley smiled widely, reaching out to take her into his own arms.

“Hey Princess!” He said, hugging her close. Gracie wrapped her small arms around his neck, resting her head on his shoulder. “Aww, is someone still sleepy?”

“She’s usually pretty cuddly when she first wakes up.” You said, smiling at the cute pair. “Today, you’re the lucky one that gets to benefit.”

“I will happily take the cuddles” He replied resting his cheek against the toddler’s head. “She's a good cuddler.”

“Yes she is.” You confirmed. “Gracie, do you wanna go to see Uncle Jakey at work?”

“Woosta too?” She asked, her head still resting on his shoulder.

“Yes, Baby Girl.” You laughed, “Rooster too.  We are not telling Jake he wasn’t the selling point today.”

“Your secret is safe with me.” He smirked.

A/N: Phew! Let me know what you’re thinking so far! Thank you for reading and joining on this journey! 

Taglist: 

awesomebooklover17, krismdavis, mygyn, jayniebop, hisredheadedgoddess28, jstarr86, @cherrycola27​, @harrysgothicbitch​ , @caidi-paris @senjoritanana​ @bethabear12 , @flyinlove  , fulla02 , @sophham​

[lovejosephquinn]

Okay let’s do something fluffy? I mean you *can* make it smutty, I wouldn’t be mad about it heheheh

But I’m wondering how a situation would go where we are upset with Joe cause we had a dream where he cheated on us 😒 cause how could he do that to us?? He’s so wrong for that.

I could have so much fun with this. Okay let's go @mybffjoe I'm ready for this 👀

A fluff and smut combination because why not bye. Under 18's DNI. x

You know when dreams feel like reality? That shit hurts, especially when they aren't good ones. You woke up to your alarm blaring at the side of your bed, gladly leaning up to turn it off, you looked to the side of you, Joe stirring and dragging you back down so that he could spoon you from behind. You wriggled out of his grasp in a huff and shut your eyes to try and rid yourself of the heartache that had overcome you in such a short space of time.

Joe spoke up in a dazed tone, still half asleep and just wanting that little extra longer next to you; he had no idea. "Everything okay, beautiful?"

You ignored him. You knew you were being childish, but a dream like that would have you in a mood for the rest of the day if it wasn't resolved quickly, although it was apparent you weren't quite ready to speak to him just yet.

"Y/N?" He slid himself further along to reach you again, you were almost rolling off the side of the bed the closer he got but you didn't care about comfort in this moment in time, especially from the likes of him, you were too busy being mad.

"No." you replied bluntly, your mouth pressed into a firm line, no emotion into the entirety of your features, you folded your arms against your chest, curling up into a ball.

Joe leaned up propping against his elbow, staring into the back of your head. "I figured. What's the matter? Our day only started two minutes ago, you were fine when we went to bed last night."

You pouted. "I was fine until I found those texts on your phone."

"Excuse me?" Joe's voice raised in surprise.

"Those texts and then that blonde girl who you told me you were leaving me for, that she'd be able love you more than I ever possibly could, then after you'd left you text me telling me you'd come back for your stuff."

Joe shook his head at you, realising quickly that you were referring to a dream, or rather a nightmare. He attempted to pull you towards him, to turn you onto your back so he could at least get a look at your feeling sorry for yourself state but your body turned into stone, you wouldn't budge.

"Baby. Did you by chance have a silly bad dream?"

"Wasn't so silly when I was crying for you on the floor." You protested highly against his words.

"It wasn't real." He decided to put his full weight on the side of your arm, leaning over to you so he could just see yours.

"Felt real and little miss blondie certainly made it feel real."

Joe sniggered at you a little, knowing full well it wasn't the time to laugh but he couldn't help but feel like you were being a little bit over dramatic in your absolute childlike behaviour.

You turned over onto your back in the instant you heard his breathy chuckle. "Joe it's not funny! You cheated on me."

"Correction, dream Joe cheated on you. Again, it wasn't real. You know I only love you, I would never do anything like that."

"Well I don't like dream Joe." You muttered, your eyes finally meeting his and he could immediately see the heartbreak in your watery eyes.

"How about I go into your dreams tonight, sort of like a parallel universe and I give dream Joe a telling off and make him apologise and force him to understand what he'd be losing." Joe cupped your face with his hand, it fit perfectly around your jaw and cheek, his thumb stroking away the stray tear that fell from your eyelid.

"That would be fantastic. Still hurts though."

"It will hurt. It's not my fault though so don't hate the real me."

"Make it up to me for him for now then." You stuck your bottom lip out at him, your eyelashes wet from beginning to sob.

"Gladly." Joe tilted inward, planting a few small, slow kisses onto your lips. His other hand holding onto your hip as he tilted over you slightly more, almost caging you between himself and the bed.

"Better?" He kept himself inches away from your face, taking in every skin cell on your face admiring the way it shimmered from the tears.

"No, I need a few more."

Joe cracked an award winning toothy grin, he wouldn't say no to that. "You got it, pretty girl."

He pushed his lips further onto yours this time, the pressure between you felt desperate and needy, but the way he could make you feel desired just from that one gesture, made you feel all the more better. You began to smile a little into the kiss, taking your hand to the back of him, gripping onto his messy, untamed bedhead.

Joe broke the kiss, pressing his forehead against yours, slightly out of breath, soft lips feeling puffy from the heated moment.

"I think I detected a smile out of you my love, was that better?"

"Much. Are you sure there's no blondie?" You were kidding this time.

Joe pondered your question quite theatrically, staring up to the wall as if he had to think about it. "Wait I'm sure she had shaved sides and a bright pink mohawk." You slapped the back of his head a little harsh, your heart rutting from his sarcastic demeanour snapped your smile right away from you.

He scrunched his face at the sting from the palm of your hand. "Baby! I'm joking."

"Better fucking be Quinn. Now you've really got to make it up to me." You showed a sulky face,

"How long have I got?" He questioned quickly.

You reached up to glance at your phone. "20 minutes."

"Perfect." Joe peppered kisses from your forehead, down to your nose, both your cheeks, onto your lips - stopping there a little longer just so because he was dying to get another taste of your tongue dancing around his, then moving down to your jawline and eventually leaving sloppy tongued kisses on your neck. The wound up feeling had disappeared, what a surprise. That's just the hold Joe had on you, especially when he embraced you this way. You began whimpering slightly when his hand left your hip to caress your nipple in-between his fingers.

"And what are you going to do for those next 20 minutes?" You muttered, biting down onto your lip as you watched him move his mouth down to replace where his fingers were busy. It was pretty clear what he was up too. Taking a slurp onto your hardening bud, his brown eyes watched your face mirror his, falling into a state of both lust and love for one another.

"I'm going to show you how much I love you with one of the many ways I know how."

"Which way is that?" You knew, you just wanted to hear it.

"Honestly?" He he smirked.

"Yes, honestly. Which way?" Your eyes burned into his skull.

Joe didn't reply, he was just ready to show you. Kissing his way down so he laid at the bottom of the bed in-between your thighs which obeyed to open up as if by magic by the time he'd got to them. He gripped at your waist vigourously, pulling you up and shoving his face straight into your cunt, shaking his face and slurping against your slit. A loud moan erupted from your mouth, the mix of your juice and his saliva had him humming into your folds and his cock raging to be inside of you. Latching his lips straight onto your clit, you felt him suck relentlessly at it, his tongue flickering over it, making every ounce of your body twitch.

Coming up for air, Joe licked his lips slowly, savouring the taste he enjoyed so much. "This way and then when I've made you cum all over my tongue; once I'm done with that maybe once or twice, we'll see what my cock has to say."

[lilgoblinbitch]

the ones who live - ep. 5 SPOILERS!!!

hehehe it’s that time again for me to spill my emotions about this new episode :)

oh fuck me here we go

WHAT THE FUCK GABRIEL????? HOLY SHIT OMG OMG????? HELLO YOU CANT JUST LEAVE ME LIKE THAT

richonne supply runs always give me life omfg. and their little dinners by the fire… UGH I CANNOT

rick is so sexy jesus christ…

THE WAY HE LET HER GO FIRST THROUGH THE DOOR AAHHHH CHIVALRY IS NOT DEAD WHEN IT COMES TO RICK

OMFGGG HE SNUCK A NECKLACE FOR HER HELP

stop it. THE BAKING SODA SPEARMINT CALLBACK

“I WAS IN LOVE WITH MY SONS BEST FRIEND”. i can’t take this fluff. this is literally fanfiction writing I LOVE IT

the views are absolutely gorgeous omg???

EW WTF ARE THOSE LAST OF US LOOKIN ASS ZOMBIES

yeah you're pulling a gun on the wrong people HAHAHA

my tv parents said “um yeah i don’t think so BITCH”

“i’m peeing” LMAO I WOULD TOO IF I SAW RICK GRIMES

“us against the world” period.

GABRIEL WTF U DOING??? EW JADIS FUCK OFF GOODBYE

oh shit gabriel thinks rick’s dead and jadis is lying like the snake she is.

anne jadis whatever the fuck your name is — WAIT WHAT JADIS STOKES???? YOU NEVER MARRIED GABRIEL GOODBYE BITCH

AWWW RICK WANTING TO MARRY MICHONNE

gabriel is so wholesome i love him.

THIS EPISODE HAS MY HEART BEATING SO FAST LOL

omfg not this cunt again. jadis just die please just give up.

jadis you done failed once again. how does it feel to be a LOSER?

gabriel wtf why you kissing her… rosita did not die for that shit.

WHAT? WHAT??????? DID SHE KILL GABRIEL???

“i will die for the cause” ok good. bye!

no one gives a fuck about the echelon briefing ya dumb cunt (no one = me, btw)

her logic literally makes no sense. killing people to save humanity? that TOTALLY makes sense

NO MICHONNE STOP. NOOOOOOO YOU HAVE TO GO HOME :(

i will kms i swear. i can’t do this.

“you’ve looked better” LMAO

i hate jadis i hate jadis i hate jadis

YES SHE DYING HEHEHHE YAY

ok cool gabriel isn’t dead 👍

“the crm is not the answer and they must end” PERIOD.

AWWW THE RING wait okay i kinda like her now

rick made his promise. he killed her. good job baby <3

AWWW STOP IT MY HEART. “it’s a broken world and you’re the only thing that puts it back together” IM CRYING PLEASE OMFG THEY GOT OFFICIALLY MARRIED YIPPIEEEE

awww poor gabriel :(

well holy goddamn. that was a rollercoaster. so glad richonne is stronger than ever <3

hope everyone enjoyed this episode as much as i did (episode four is still my favorite tho)

[desmorotu]

morgan’s playlist 🌑 (a glimpse)

i’m just going to flat-out say that i am totally aware that he has only three videos and that it’s kinda silly to suddenly just know his vibe BUT i did get a vibe and now i need to share it because he is everything that i want in a character and more 💔 his recent audio was so cute. playlist stuff is below :)

꒱࿐♡ ˚.*ೃ

☆ nocturne in c-sharp minor - frédéric chopin (classical music is a way to quiet the noise. prefers piano, but most lyric-less music will work if it’s in a minor key and has a moving melody. as his outside world is messy and frantic, he uses the precision and accuracy of an artist’s fingers to simulate that solace in his mind. enjoys listening to it while writing or reading, both hobbies that he’s recently picked up on.)

☆ piano concerto no. 21 in c major, k. 467: II. andante - mozart (i imagine him wearing a black turtleneck, having dark hair and rounder glasses, and some grey plaid pajama pants with a warm cup of tea; caffeine free, of course. when he says Seeing is like music, this song is what comes to mind for him. it can truly be a gift, just as he’s said, but it can quickly tip-toe the line into tragedy if you’re not careful. it’s all about balance.)

☆ the heart - david celeste (strangely, i imagine that morgan looks similar to seokjin from bts…those are just the visuals i get when i hear this song? longer, slimmer face shape, full lips, broad shoulders, soft cheek bones and jawline, etc. etc. it’s not exactly him, there are some differences in his eyes and nose that i can’t place yet, but no matter what i try to change or picture differently, seokjin is my point of reference for what morgan looks like. this song just brought out his appearance for me and i have no clue why. i don’t even keep up with kpop anymore and haven’t for a while now. if you totally disagree with me then i am so sorry 😭)

☆ prelude in e minor, op. 28, no. 4 - frédéric chopin (plays mostly classical because it’s what he prefers. he partakes in playing the piano on occasion and understands music theory, which is why he uses music to refer to his Sight. it makes sense to him. he knows it; he’s comfortable in it. he believes that music is the closest thing that the unempowered will ever have to magic, and he believes that to be a beautiful tragedy.)

☆ catwoman - michael giacchino (he’s the type if person to pay acute attention to the soundtrack of a movie over the movie itself, though he’s not much of a movie person to begin with. he was interested in batman as a child and decided to go see its 2022 release—and he absolutely fell in love with the soundtrack. it pulled the right kinds of emotion from him at the right times, and it added a perfect effect to each scene. it’s one of the few movies that he actually watches back.)

☆ clair de lune - claude debussy (a simple, sweet, popular classic. he likes to pay attention to the rippling pattern of the right hand and allows it to envelope him in a comforting “brain hug.” it was one of the first pieces he heard when he was younger and it inspired him to delve deeper into music as a whole. his mother played piano, and he sits and recalls the amount of times that it’s lulled him to sleep in his younger years.)

refer to morgan’s playlist cover at the bottom :) i associate him with the color purple so i’m just rolling with it

꒱࿐♡ ˚.*ೃ

this one was so relaxing omg. i feel like morgan is a super calming presence as a whole—i mean, he relaxed me really effectively in his recent audio. he’s a sweet, awkward music nerd (imo) that also happens to see the future. i’m so excited to see how his character is developed further in his story :).

as for his appearance being seokjin and associating him with the color purple, i have absolutely no clue. call it a vibe check. it just felt correct 😭 i will def be doing more of these when the inspo arises :p

can i be the unofficial official morgan guy? thanks

k bye 💟

[micheswife]

For The Sake Of Love, Survive

Spoilers below

🍞🥐🥖🍞🥐🥖🍞🥐🥖🍞🥐🥖🍞🥐

Fanfic where Nanami survives after Shibuya because my poor heart needs healing

🍞🥐🥖🍞🥐🥖🍞🥐🥖🍞🥐🥖🍞🥐

Potential triggers

- just a teensy bit of gore because of Mahito

-description of Nanami feeling a lot of pain

-taking medication as a form of coping

__________________________________________________

Canon story divergence, sfw, reader is non-sorcerer, set in Shibuya arc

__________________________________________________

“Thank you…” you whispered, taking the single red rose.

It was the second time he had offered it to you with pleading eyes. It was quite unlike the blond haired sorcerer to force, request or coerce people to accept his affectionate advances. He had endless formalities, but not with you, not today.

“I have told you everything about me y/n, this is my job and I think I really am going to die.” his words still rang loud in your mind as you walked back home. It had been years since you experienced such levels of anxiety and anger.

“I don’t want you to go, please Nanami, stay back..” you said, letting your tears out. “It’s not fair, I just found you…” this time, you spoke more to yourself than him.

“It hurts me too, I love you more than anything else in the world, but… I can’t let those children fight for themselves out there.”

“Right… so, bye then.” You wiped your tears and stood up to walk out of his apartment, absolutely sure that Nanami would be that one ex who’d stir trouble in all your future relationships, because you just would not move on from him.

“Hey, wait.” Nanami tried to hold you back but you gently removed his grip.

“I have to move on from you, dear. Stop holding me back..”

“I know. I am sorry to have pursued you. I knew I’d die first, I just did not think it’d be so soon. But please, I want to spend my last moments with you.” His words made you feel angry. It was always like this with people. They’d take and take and take from you until you had nothing to give. Somehow, most people that entered your life, including Nanami, would dump their emotions on you.

‘I don’t want to lose you because no one understands me better.’

‘Talking to you feels so liberating and stress-free.’

‘I wish everyone was as good a listener as you.’

‘You are the only person who hasn’t judged me for this.’

And lastly,

‘please, I want to spend my last moments with you.’

His words angered you because he was just like everyone else who expected you to be an emotional crutch but never returned the favor. You wanted to keep the promise you made to yourself, the promise of not giving out gratitude for free, the promise to demand something in return for your relentless emotional labour. But you thought Nanami deserved an exception due to his impending death, so you caved.

“Okay.” That was all you said before you hugged him. Nanami had seen too much of your affection throughout the 9 months you were together, so you figured he deserved to see some of your wrath and disappointment too. Afterall, you wouldn’t see him ever again, and every person deserves to know how their partner really feels.

“I hate you Nanami. I hate you because you are leaving me. You made frequent visits to the same cafe as me, just to see and talk to me after work. You have dealt with so many dangerous situations throughout your career, your justification of ‘I just did not think it’d be so soon’ is ridiculous. You are so damn casual about this whole thing, it’s not normal, even for a sorcerer. As crazy as you claim the people from your area of work are, I can bet none of them would just expect their non-sorcerer partner to be okay with their deaths. Do you even know what you have ruined?” you paused to see if Nanami could answer.

“I ruined your entire lovelife..” he said, sadness evident in his voice.

“Right, whichever man has the misfortune of falling in love with me next will have to put up with my memories of you. I will never be able to forget you like the guys from my past because you actually mean more to me, because you promised me all these things that I never, never dared to consider a part of my life….” your tears broke out again, but you were not finished.

“Why couldn’t you just keep this casual?! I suggested it multiple times. You broke down my walls and now you’re leaving me… so soon.. It’s not good, Nanami, you weren’t kind to me..”

“That’s it, bye. I hope you enjoyed this time together. If, by any chance you come out alive from Shibuya, don’t come back to me, find a sorcerer that’s just as crazy as you.” and you left.

High on anger and adrenaline, you marched through the street paying little heed to the people around you. In that moment of anger, you hated that bastard. However, you began hating yourself as you made your way through the crowd. Was that long speech really necessary? Couldn’t you just be there for that man one last time? You had the thought of running back to him, but you couldn’t figure what you would do once you were near him. You wanted to yell at him again, you wanted to physically hold him back from leaving his apartment, you wanted to give him the best kiss of his life and promise to meet him in the afterlife, you wanted to bawl your eyes out until you fainted. These intrusive thoughts, all together, made you want to go to Shibuya so you could finally meet the same fate as him and end this wretched story for good.

You did none of those things, and just bought some mild sleep medication. Sleeping was your coping mechanism. As you unlocked the door to your apartment, you called your boss and told him you’d need three days of bereavement leave because one of your relatives died. You held the framed picture of you and Nanami from the time you went to the beach together. An old chain made of gold was shining bright around Nanami’s neck. It also had a golden pendant of a deity your family worshipped. You snuggled the picture to your chest as you drifted into a deep sleep after taking the medication. If you worry did not give you nightmares about Nanami's death, then you’d wake up with an empty mind after 10 hours and then you would do everything in your power to avoid any thought related to your boyfriend and the Jujutsu world. You did this after every bad incident you deemed as highly impactful to your life.

Meanwhile, Nanami battled and bled trying to protect those younger than him. It was hard, he had to dodge a gruesome death every second. Nanami feared neither death nor pain, but during that critical situation, he was determined to survive.

He always held the opinion that sacrifices were necessary to achieve a goal, and he’d readily give up his life for the sake of others, especially children. However, in Shibuya, he forced himself to carry the unrealistic expectation to save everyone, including himself. It was something that even a ball of sunshine like Yuuji Itadori would deem as stupid for a jujutsu sorcerer, had Nanami discussed such a thing with him.

Nanami was exhausted and paranoid by the time Dagon was finally defeated by Toji. Immediately after, Toji Zenin, in his murderous daze, disappeared leaving Maki, Naobito and Nanami facing none other than Jogo. Nanami knew what he was capable of. He felt hot flames engulf him before he could even think about escaping.

‘I am surviving this..’ he thought to himself, not wanting to give up.

Too many people need me.

I vowed to protect those kids.

I promised her a future.

I want a vacation.. with her.

I will not die.

Nanami was in a daze as he walked away from Jogo. He was not his usual alert self when a swarm of curses attacked him at once. He did not know how, but he felt his body move on its own. For any outsider, he would have looked like a monster fighting smaller monsters. Truth was, his senses were drowned by the overwhelming pain from Jogo’s attack. He could no longer sense where the curses came from, all he knew was that he was going to survive.

All I know is that I want to go back home.

Any curse in my way.. will be exorcised.

I’ll defeat these pests, once and for all.. I will get rid of them all. He envisioned a world without curses, a world where his woman would be safe.

I’ll forge it with my bare hands.

I’ll fight till they’re all gone, once and for all.

Lost within his own mind, Nanami did not realise when he eliminated the last curse, only to come face to face with the most dangerous of them off - Mahito. The patchfaced curse already had his hand on Nanami’s chest, ready to curse him. Nanami knew what was happening to him, but the overwhelming levels of adrenaline and his injuries made him feel less conscious. He knew what Mahito was capable of, yet, this time, he just couldn’t take him seriously.

Curses are shit.

Mahito is shit.

I am going to kill him.

Nanami was close to laughing in Mahito’s face when the latter asked if he could chat. Then, from the corner of his eye, Nanami saw Yuji, looking at him in fear.

“Yuji-kun, let’s kill him.” Nanami said, smiling casually as if he wasn’t at all burned to near death.

At that moment, Mahito cursed the sorcerer and blood splattered all over the place in an instant as Yuji stared at the gruesome sight before him. Something that looked like a spine was laying on the floor, red liquid and chunks of flesh slowly sliding down to reveal the bone. It was a bloodbath in true sense, vaguely reminding Yuji of Sukuna's domain. He took a look at his own self,only to see himself covered in the same blood. He was shellshocked but a voice brough him back to reality.

“Mahito-kun, is this your real form?” Nanami asked a few seconds after taking a good look at the dismembered cursed spirit, now struggling to regenerate himself. Yuji didn’t dare to move from his spot, terrified of the larger-than-life sized apparition behind Nanami. For the first time in his life, he had encountered someone scarier than the King of Curses. Meanwhile, Nanami chopped Mahito, limb by limb as a means of payback.

Oh right, I forgot to return her chain…

Nanami remembered a peculiar conversation from a few months ago. He had returned from a particularly bad mission. Shoko had spent hours healing him, and yet, he had suffered permanent damage from that fight. Y/n cried that day and all Nanami could say was..

“I am sorry dear… I am so sorry…” he was holding her close to his chest as she struggled to form words through her hiccups. Without saying a word, she got up and walked over to her wardrobe, opening it to reveal a complete mess… clothes overflowing, books on top of her electronics, some spare money strewn about… her wardrobe always ended up disorganised no matter how well he arranged things for her. She sat down and emptied the entire last shelf and fished out a metal box. It was locked. After two days of relentless searching and refusing to let Nanami go to another mission, she found the key.

“I don’t care what you think of jewellery, I am not even going to ask, but you are not allowed to take this off, ever.” Y/n said as she clasped the chain around his neck, pressing down on the hook to lock it in place.

“What is this y/n? If I can’t remove it, at least explain what it is.”

“It’s a family heirloom, every family is supposed to have one in our culture. It’s supposed to protect you against evil spirits and stuff.” Y/n said as she brewed tea for the both of them.

“No offence dear, but I don’t see any energy radiating off it, it might as well be just a piece of jewellery.” Nanami said, closely examining the pendant.

“Y/n, tell me, is this supposed to be for women?”

“Yes, but you’ll have to wear it.”

Nanami sighed, the pendant looked like a female deity. She had multiple arms, each one holding something, mostly weapons. Her hair reached her feet and she had ornaments all over her.

“Your culture does not have one that’s designed for men?” Nanami questioned.

“No.” y/n handed him the tea and snacks.

“Why?”

“Because women were the ones cursed for the smallest of mistakes, that’s why. It’s been passed down for many generations, from woman to woman. It’s supposed to hold generations worth of what you refer to as cursed energy, so in a way, it’s also supposed to protect us women from our negative emotions.”

Nanami wasn’t convinced but he still wore it for y/n’s sake. If wearing a chain would relieve her stress, then he would wear it. After all, who was even going to see it under his shirt?

In that moment, as he was slowly exorcising the last bits of Mahito, Nanami wondered why the deity did not show up until Mahito attacked him. He hypothesised it was because Mahito touched his soul. Truth be told, Nanami was slightly embarrassed but also relieved. A gold chain had accomplished what years of training as a Jujutsu sorcery did not. For the first time ever, Nanami let his guard down in all his encounters with cursed spirits and cursed users alike. He was fighting in Shibuya using the collective wrath of God-knows-how-many generations of women. Many curse users recognized the valuable piece of jewellery and tried to snatch it directly from his neck. As flimsy as the metal had become over years, the chain broke and most of the curse users were able to take it. Unfortunately for them, only Nanami was aware of how it worked. He smirked as he and Yuji exorcised another curse, picked up the chain and slipped it into his pocket., remembering another conversation with y/n

“Okay, it's a deity, not a cursed spirit, Nanami. As in, we actually worship her and festivals are held in her honour, so don’t reduce her to a cursed spirit, even though her whole concept is based on anger.” Y/n explained.

“I am kind of understanding, have you ever seen this thing work?” Nanami asked.

“No…. but no one ever seemed to be attacked by a curse.. Anyway, it’s mostly just beliefs and traditions, but please wear it, for me? It’ll make me feel safe.”

"I will wear it because it comforts you, but I have another question, what if someone steals it?" Nanami asked, concerned because he didn't want to lose the family heirloom of y/n.

"It won't protect the person who steals it. Infact, it will work against that theif. It only works properly if someone gives it you by their own willingness, like me. That's why, it considered dangerous to steal a woman's jewellery in my culture, it could actually curse you" Y/n replied.

“oh...that's interesting...” Nanami said, reassured her once again that he'd never take it off and left for Jujutsu Tech.

He always felt sorry for y/n whenever he remembered that conversation. Y/n had never been religious, she didn't even believe in cursed spirits. That was until Nanami entered her life and chose to be honest about his occupation, then she began praying out of fear.

Back in Shibuya, Nanami fought until he could no longer stand. He couldn’t help but feel thrilled fighting and exorcising his way through Shibuya.

This is probably what that potato-head Gojo feels like everyday.

Nanami thought to himself as he swung his hand in the general direction of a curse and it blasted it to pieces. Without the chain, he would have had to exert a lot more energy and accuracy. He was making his way to another curse when his injuries finally overwhelmed him. Nanami fainted, in the middle of a battlefield, yet perfectly protected.

¬¬one day later¬¬

Nanami woke up to a very itchy sensation. He tried to scratch himself, only to touch rough fabric.

“Don’t scratch the wound, Nanami, just go back to sleep.” It was Shoko’s voice.

“Huh?”Nanami forced his eye open.

“How long have I been asleep?”

“It’s been 24 hours since we found you, I am not sure how long you were unconscious for that, but it’s a miracle you survived.”

“I know…” slowly, the incidents from Shibuya started crowding his memories. Unlike before, he was no longer in a crazy trance. He was back to his usual self, and his body felt like an overfilled sack due to the tightly wound bandages.

“I know you must be under a lot of pressure, but Shoko, how long will it take for me to recover?” Nanami asked, his voice raspy and weak.

“At least 3 whole weeks, and there’s lasting damage. You will need a wheelchair for a few months following your recovery and you will never be as agile ever again… I am sorry.” Shoko replied.

“Officially damaged beyond repair huh, it’s okay.”

“I am glad you are okay, the Jujutsu society will not allow you to take any mission beyond grade 3 from now on.”

“Ah… I was actually thinking of retiring.” Nanami smiled to himself as he looked for his phone.

“Here, I charged it for you.” Shoko handed him his phone which was surprisingly intact except for a few scratches here and there.

Nanami pressed onto the power button, and text message popped up 10 hours ago,

Are you there?

Smiling, he opened his inbox to find another text from 8 hours ago,

I will love you forever Nanami, rest in peace. I hope we’ll meet again

“Wow, this is kind of cheesy, Nanami. But I am glad you found someone.” Shoko was peering into his phone and Nanami did not even notice.

“It’s because she thinks I am dead.” Nanami chuckled.

Shoko smiled softly and went back to work, her schedule packed with no room to breathe. After losing two of her close friends, one destroyed by his own hand and the other one trapped in the prison realm, she was glad at least one of her friends would have a happy ending.

The sound of Nanami texting and Shoko preparing her medical instruments for another surgery were the only sounds echoing in the room for some time, until Nanami’s phone rang.

For the first time, Shoko sensed a level of lightheartedness in his voice. After talking for sometime, Nanami kept the phone and spoke, smiling ear to ear,

“Hey Shoko, my girlfriend is coming over, do you want something to eat, she could get it on her way.”

“Ask her to bring beer and cigarettes, I ran out hours ago and I need a smoke.”

“Sure thing, Shoko.”

“Say Nanami…”

“Hm?”

“Something tells me this is going to be a regular thing now, so do you wanna tell me about her?” Shoko asked him with a smirk.

“Sure thing, Shoko.”

Nanami’s cheeky smile was something Shoko wished Gojo, Geto and Haibara could see. For now, she was just glad to have someone alive and happy near her. At least someone from the Jujutsu world finally got the happy ending they deserved.

🍞🥐🥖🍞🥐🥖🍞🥐🥖🍞🥐🥖🍞🥐🥖🍞🥐🥖🍞🥐🥖

[laurenkmyers]

Hey, hi! How're you doing??

First off, I gotta say you're my favourite Love Sea blog right now; I absolutely adore you. Secondly, because I have no one else to talk to, I was wondering if you noticed too how similarly abrupt the ep 8 NC cutoff was to the LITA PrapaiSky bathroom scene before the birthday disaster? Both moments are very charged, albeit in different ways. The PrapaiSky moment had such a tender scene cutoff that only made the subsequent break-up so much more painful. And MutRak's scene was just as charged, if not so much more, and it seemed like it was obviously leading to something and then it just? Flashed to the next scene??? Not to mention, there seems to be a solid emotional beat missing between that NC cutoff and the sweet kiss Mut and Rak share after Mut comes home. It almost feels like during the bedroom scene, Mut might have confronted Rak a bit further about the sudden distance he was putting between them again. It makes sense if during the high of sex, Rak ended up confessing that he likes Mut too. Especially if Mut openly expressed how angry/hurt he was. It would explain Rak's affection, tenderness, and not to mention, shyness during the kiss scene later.

I wouldn't be surprised if this scene has an extended cut in the boxset. There might not be, but I feel like it will. Either way, someone needs to write fanfiction for that scene.

Anyhow, thank you for listening! Love you, bye!

HELLO!!! HI! ARGH 🙈 THANK YOU. This is insanely sweet. I'm good thank you, darl- how are you???

I WHOLEHEARTEDLY AGREE WITH ALL OF THIS. EVERY SINGLE WORD. You're spot on. And I've also said similar things to a few others, but never quite this coherently.

It felt....unfinished, for lack of a better word. There did feel like a weird disconnect, which was EXACTLY the same feeling as the LITA scene.

Mame, for all her faults, usually has a really good grasp on her nc scenes and utilising them for actual narrative purposes and not just gratuitously, because they're mostly character driven purposes. This one felt like it needed more because you have Rak, who we've already established is a brat who likes to be in control, trying to take back the control he feels is slipping by avoiding the inevitable (that being his ever growing feelings for Mut) and he's doing so by blatantly goading Mut into action.

Now Mut is very good at understanding that Rak needs his space, and he's not one to overstep when it matters, but the man may be the greenest flag of all time, but he's also still human. And hearing the man you're quite possibly already head over heels in love with, threaten to 'eat' some faceless man when you're standing right there? Anyone would snap. What Mut is also very good at, is taming brats. Oops, sorry Rak. Your carefully curated need for control isn't always healthy, and you need someone to get you out of your head and into bed to loosen you up.

The tension in that scene was spectacular. It highlighted so beautifully Rak's willingness to actually submit, as he lets Mut not only physically hold him down with a half heart struggle, but to use words to let Rak know that if he allows it, Mut will give him exactly what he needs, but only if he wants it. Because Mut's 'What's it gonna be? Without your permission, I can't go ahead with it.' gives Rak a sliver of control back, letting that ball bounce back into his court. So to then have Rak chose Mut and then cut that pivotal moment short, the beautiful build up we'd been given tipped us over the edge but cruelly snatched us away mid-fall and we never got to hit that landing. It's sad really. Because the nc scene would have would have made perfect narrative sense.

And I also wouldn't be shocked or surprised if there was an extended cut in the boxset either. Let's hope there is. I need to see it.

Thanks for the wonderful message, love you too nonnie!!! Please come again! I love talking about this shit!

[puppet-purgatory]

you won't post 1 headcanon for every puppet. you wont

i WILL. AND i'll do it in chronological order from appearance (more or less). but it will be under a readmore after the first season so i dont interrupt anyones scrollin

The Professor: i think in addition to growing a bit from Dino DNA(tm) he also has feathers now. just some feathers in there with his fur. maybe even molts and is miserable about it

Death: he plays guitar And piano, but just as a hobby. he's like a salaryman who had a garage band as a teenager and never fully gave up on the dream

Propeller: propeller SADSTUCK: i think he legitimately had to go to therapy for the britannica shit that happened. PH feels like it would be that realistic about mental health tbh

Big Pile of Diamonds: his mustache is fake. his greatest secret. his greatest shame.

God: he actually really likes to dance! unfortunately next 2 no one will do it since... The Incident

Train: does he not have a better name... maybe put a mr. in front of there... anyway he feels betrayed by the U.S. since they gave up the train model for highways/interstates and the motorcar industry. gets REALLY heated about it

Mt. Vesuvius: has a bunch of speeches given by famous latin authors and orators memorized, but sometimes he mashes them up without realizing/misattributes which one was written by whom. old man moments

Hatshepsut's Goose: can't remember what their gender was in life. that's fine, they love being a nonbinary icon. AMAB (Assigned Mummy at (em)Balming)

Clipped Coin: dodges the spool's wrath by being unflappable and so down to earth despite his apparent success. truly the king of staying in his own lane

Olympic Torch: hes a cranky piece of shit and only really enjoys sporting competition. he was complaining about being in the group puzzle photo so god just picked him up and he went ffffffffffine. okay. ill smile for 2 seconds

Gay Oars: i think they Also went to therapy, mostly relationship counseling, and now they are back and better than Ever. unbreakable bond. im abt to pen a whole ass comic series about them getting married in purgatory

Policarpa's Spool: still thinks of himself as a spy type, but there's only so much spying he can do in... purgatory. of course, his primary nemesis is the treasure chest.

Lake Donner Snowman: idk if this counts as a headcanon per se but in my very short list where i recast the puppets as famous singers, he is ABSOLUTELY voiced by Weird Al Yankovic.

St. Nick's Wet Bones: sort of taking the whole purgatory thing in stride. he kinda feels like he's in retirement! now he's a minor agent of chaos who's looked after by his darling Pickle Boys

Beast of Gevaudan: i was so sad when the infinitiger wasn't real, i wanted them to have a cooking show together so badly and destroy the horse's self-esteem. i love him. hes so abominably french

Stool of Gold: well-traveled, well-read, literally just as sensible as the Book or the Oars, but finds the chaos entertaining to spectate.

Ziryab's Oud: I think that the puppets have divvied up the whole Wondrium Arena and all have designated Living Areas, and he has a whole dressing room filled with shitty costumes he can't even wear. every time someone knocks he answers like hes on MTV's Cribs.

Bye Bye Brothers: they live in the orchestral pit and treat it like a secret lair. only other Murderer Puppets are allowed in. EXCLUSIVE club

Flower Boat: GNC Icon. this is a flower boat stan account. jenuinely a wholesome, emotional vessel doing their best to pitch in.

Molasses Horse: you can wash him as much as you want, that shit always just comes back somehow. the book theorizes it's psychosomatic at this point, since they're technically only souls at this point.

Tiny Piece of Wheat: bro i bet they went through SUCH phases after finding out about the professor's death. like all five stages of grief and then four more that have not yet been discovered by humans. dw kiddo, u got Grandparents incoming

Emu: the type of guy to fistfight you and then help you up. laid back but ready to throw down at a MOMENT'S notice. has no beef with the Wheat, but generally avoids them to keep from any Upsets.

Treasure Chest: has a little list of get-rick-quick schemes he wants to test, but has no way to in purgatory. he has one braincell bouncing around in his head like the DVD logo

Scabs & Pus: they get to hang out with the Bye Bye Brothers in their little club :) they're gross dudes to look at and be around. but they are ultimately harmless and friendly and just happy to be included.

Book: i love da book. I think he lives in the music library backstage and finds librettos for stageplays/musicals to pitch to the group to put on, as well as produces their little TV shows.

Birch Trees: since they share a root system, they have a telepathic link and communicate without even speaking, which is fucking creepy as hell when one or both of them just start laughing out of nowhere. they probably enjoy acting sinister

Asmodeus: he worked HARD on his song for the show!!!!! i think he's a bit of a ham sometimes when he gets the chance. also his goat head bites literally anything that comes close on reflex.

The Devil: while everything he does is to get souls, it also feels like he wants for positive and is less an Enemy of God and more an Irritating Coworker. in my brain they have a whole Tom and Jerry thing going on.

I don't have anything for the Fake Puppets the Substitute impersonated, but im planning on drawing some infinitiger soon bc he was my fave for sure

The Substitute: this is PURELY crack but i think it would be hilarious if he had voice commands like some tech does. i want him to climb back in the window and ryan just yells XBOX TURN OFF and he vanishes.

Dino Dad/Dinosir: i think even after he gets to the present and learns about all kinds of rocks and gems and crystals he Still just loves a big old rock he can lay on and sun himself with. like a dad and his armchair. doesnt gotta be fancy, just has to be comfy.

Dino Mom/Dinosara: i think she would be REALLY into the fake tv shows the puppets in the Wondrium Arena make. and they'd probably Love to have her as a fan. i think both the professor's parents are Hella popular.

[bloodpen-to-paper]

Review Blurbs: Deadpool and Wolverine

Is this late as shit? Yes. Am I sorry? Yes. Is there a point to this part of the post? Probably not.

--General Thoughts--

-If there's one thing Deadpool does best, its their music montage openers. I was jamming out so hard to the "Bye Bye Bye" sequence, it's the best gag of the DP movies imo

-Aspect of the movie I didn't think I'd like as much as I did was the music score. Both the featured songs and most surprisingly the original score were hype (big budget productions like MCU works aren't really known for their soundtracks save for central themes and they haven't been getting me as much since Portals in Endgame, but the LFG theme absolutely fucks). Props to DP for always going out of its way to do fun stuff with the scores like with Holy Shit Balls in DP 2

-It warmed my heart when all the people Wade had met were there for his surprise party. And how he carried their picture and said he only had 9 people in his life but those 9 people were his world. Most emotional part of the movie for me personally

-Bringing in Johnny Storm instead of Cap was fucking genius. When he said "flame on" and shot into the air just like the old days? 10/10 Welcome back Mr. Storm

-I was tweaking the hell out when Elektra, Blade, Gambit and Laura came in omg I don't care if its lazy fan pandering I'm the fan being pandered to and I fucking love character cameos (fuck Twitter for spoiling the Gambit cameo for me but at least the rest were a surprise)

-Blade going "there's only one Blade and will only ever be one" and DP looking straight into the camera... nice (Blade is getting a movie in 2025 for those who didn't know)

-Someone on the Deadpool writer's team really likes Juggernaut. Like really likes Juggernaut. Good for them

-I'm wondering how many people were confused by the appearance of Lady Deadpool (never in all my years did I think we'd get her on the big screen, hell yeah)

-The storyline was more consistent and interesting than I thought it would be, DP fucking around with the TVA and the Void was not something I expected (and him using the "worst" Wolverine to save his timeline was actually really sweet and a compelling plot point for this new Logan)

-The humor was also great, my expectations for Marvel works have been pretty low for a while so this really was an awesome surprise for how much I enjoyed it

-I hate retcons unless there's a really damn good reason so I'm glad they kept that the Logan Wolverine is dead (the bit of DP finding his skeleton and throwing a tantrum was great)

-There were issues with some of the emotional beats but the ones that hit really had that Marvel touch that I've missed, especially when Nova was in Logan's mind and suddenly made the voices in his head cut off into dead silence, I got chills (very Multiverse of Madness-esque, I loved it)

-I've seen people shouting it out and yeah they're right, we finally got practical effects! I'm glad the movie committed to costuming and practical effects instead of CGI (CGI can be great but Marvel has really been lacking). And eventually Wolverine's classic suit actually grew on me, the yellow from him and DP's red compliment each other really well visually (long live the ketchup and mustard duo)

-"You got the wrong guy" "You were always the wrong guy... 'till you weren't" god this line... this is what I expect out of a Wolverine plotline, and it shows how much of an influence Logan had on Laura. This really felt like a love letter to Wolverine

-I love Jennifer Garner and I'm so glad she got to play Elektra and give a proper homage to the character, as well as Tatum's Gambit and the og Blade (you don't understand I am obsessed with this Elektra what is it about Marvel girls in red help me)

-Also adored them getting Wesley Snipes back for Blade to pay him homage, his performance really felt like a man out of time when he played Blade exactly as he did in 1998, and it gave a certain nostalgic feeling even for someone like me who didn't watch the og Blade (I believe the word is "anemoia"). Hard to describe but it felt special, you don't get the chance to pull off something like this in cinema too often and I'm very happy they pulled it off here

-The actors knocked it out of the fucking park. I forgot how much I loved Ryan Reynold's DP since it isn't always comic accurate but holy shit this movie made me fall in love all over again, and Hugh Jackman killed it as always (the scene where he put his head up to Wade's gun was phenomenal). Chris Evans' Johnny Storm was almost jarring from how long its been since he was cemented as Captain America lmao but the man's still got it, Rob Delaney as Mr. Paradox was very fun to watch, Emma Corrin had an insane amount of facial control for Cassandra Nova, and Jennifer Garner actually stole my fucking heart with Elektra

-LAURAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. I love Laura Kinney so much holy shit was I happy to see her here. They did her so well, she's matured a lot and was wise enough to get through to Logan and tell him what he needed to hear, while also being just as aggressively feral in combat as she was in Logan because who is Laura Kinney if not someone who shouts war cries before slicing a dude's ankles off? (and the sunglasses, girl I hadn't even thought about those). The details show how much care they put into paying homage to Laura and doing her justice, probably the best written character in the movie for me next to the literal main characters. She was different, and grown up, but still so Laura, the same rowdy kid we loved in Logan. So happy to see my not-so-little devil child back in action <3

-The car scene.

-Genuinely curious about the increase in search results for the Honda Odyssey and if sales were affected after this movie, if anyone finds that data get back to me

-The scene where Wade meets Dogpool/Mary Puppins and she's licking his mouth and you think he's allowing it cause he's distracted and then a moment later he opens his mouth more and you realize he's very aware there is a dog shoving its tongue in his mouth and he lets it happen cause he's a goddamn freak while keeping eye contact with Nicepool the entire time had me fucking cackling (its some gross humor that hits for me)

-DP introducing Logan all nervously to Blind Al was... an interesting choice. Very heterosexual of them.

-Deadpool throwing in an "I'm genderblind" joke went over so many people's heads

-The credits montage was so damn sweet. For some reason the MCU seems to hate the X-Men and the clips made me feel like the people behind this movie really cared for the old Marvel properties (Elektra, Blade, and especially the X-Men). It got me when they started showing Fantastic Four, X-Men and First Class BTS footage, those were some of the first Marvel movies I ever watched and First Class was what really got me into the X-Men, it made me really happy seeing flashes of it all <3

-The MCU will never be Earth-616 GIVE IT UP FEIGE

--Criticisms--

-Tonally and structurally, the movie was kind of all over the place (not horrifically so, but the structure definitely could've been better). They put a lot of time into character cameos, some of which weren't necessary (sorry Sabretooth)

-Certain emotional moments would abruptly cut off into the next scene and it was very jarring (the moment when DP is pouring his heart to Logan at the TVA felt rushed, as did multiple other moments)

-They ran the meta jokes into the fucking ground, I would've made them more sparse so it didn't lose its flavor. I love a good fourth wall break but they overdid it (DP headbutting the camera and the withered remains of the Fox logo were great bits, but after that the jokes kept happening and it lost its effect)

-Nicepool was... meh. Felt like his bit overstayed its welcome and then I was just bored (though I did laugh at "The Proposal")

-I realize the humor parts that didn't hit for me were when the movie overdid a certain bit, if they kept it in moderation it would've landed better for people who aren't the biggest on DP's style of humor imo. Not all the humor hit for me, but more of it hit than I expected so cheers to that

-Some of the fight choreography felt a bit bland, and others were hard to keep track of cause of how fast-paced it was. Thankfully there were multiple fight scenes and some were great so it wasn't the worst issue, but this is a Marvel action movie so it does stand out to me when its off

-Gambit felt off to me and I think its cause Channing Tatum was so focused on getting the Cajun accent down his acting was a bit stiff, no hate to him cause that shit's hard but its a lesson in how putting on accents can really affect your acting ability (British actors who do other accents have to study and practice for years)

-Cassandra Nova was... interesting. Not sure why Marvel leaned so goddamn hard into the "creepy woman who eerily taunts you" trope because that very much is a trope and it can be very annoying (*cough cough* male writers *cough cough*). She was most fascinating when she acted like an actual person and outside of that she felt very tropey, I would've wanted more personality

-In lieu of the above, I was heavily disappointed with how Cassandra's arc went. When she let DP and Logan go and got the info from Pyro about the Time Rippers, I really thought they were building her up to be a big villain down the line (and we'd see her in other MCU properties, maybe something with Dr. Strange or Wanda, or even a way to introduce more X-Men). She became more morally gray in the second act and I thought we'd have a interesting and complex anti-hero/villain but then they reverted her back to her prior trope and killed her off by the third act. Hugely wasted potential and given how dirty they did Wanda it left a shit taste in my mouth for the MCU's female antagonists (especially considering how well done Sylvie was in Loki)

-Hate how they did Vanessa. Her character motivations were inconsistent from the previous movies, and it felt like the writers didn't know where to go with her and DP yet keep making the them a couple. Vanessa and Wade not lasting because of his immortality is interesting, it could've made for a very impactful lesson on how you need to enjoy what you have and fight for it even if it won't last, with DP finding community among a fellow regenerative hero (Logan), but they just didn't go anywhere with that. And the breakup was meant to be a huge thing for Wade to try and want to be better but it feels unearned when Vanessa just... gets back with him? Cause he saved the world? It's very "get the girl" with no thought to how or why Vanessa would've changed her mind and its fucking annoying. Alternatively, Wade fighting tooth and nail to save Vanessa and her not getting back with him but them rekindling their friendship like Eddie did with Anne in Venom could've been such a great display of men and women bonding despite a lack of romance, but the movie decided to do the most lazy comphet shit possible and give Vanessa no character to make her get back with Wade

-And another thing Wade failing to get into the Avengers because he wanted to keep Vanessa from breaking up with him and Happy not being convinced could've been a phenomenal message on how motivations need to be about wanting better for yourself to do actual good in the world but then it never happened

-Not to mention it pissed me off when the movie made such a stance on how Wade's whole world was his friends and he'd do anything to save them, yet had his entire motivation towards the end being just to save Vanessa (his whole fucking montage when he was getting anti-mattered was about Vanessa and no one else). What happened to Blind Al? Peter? Negasonic and Yukio? Colossus? They just not as important anymore cause they're not a romance option? Fuck off Marvel.

-I noticed the distinct lack of intimacy between Negasonic and Yukio and before anyone whines, no its not necessary to have explicit intimacy for them to be a romantic pairing, but for the love of god use your braincells cause I know for a damn fact they never kiss or anything so its easy for the censorship countries to translate them as just being friends. Disney is goddamn spineless and I swear to god every problem I have with this movie can be traced back to them

-I feel like a Deadpool movie is quite literally the one movie they can afford to make a joke when it comes to you-know-who from the first movie but I'm sure they had their reasons

-Felt like Logan's backstory and guilty complex was built up a lot just to have it be that he wasn't around when the X-Men got killed cause he was drinking, kind of a disappointing payoff (I think it could've worked, just wasn't feeling it much from this execution)

-Would've liked more scenes with Deadpool's loved ones throughout the movie, they had so little screen time it kinda fell flat when they were brought up as motivation for Wade. We're supposed to rely on the previous movies to show us why they matter but even sequels need some basis as a stand-alone, or there would be absolutely no reason to watch it if you haven't watched the others

--Final Thoughts--

Overall, great movie. The issues I had with it didn't take away from my enjoyment, and if anything the reason I have so many criticisms is because I was so invested to begin with. I thoroughly enjoyed it the whole way through, Deadpool and Wolverine was every bit as gimmicky and campy in the best ways that you'd expect from a DP movie, and I'd highly recommend it for anyone that wants a bit of gratuitous action and a good time.

[vvh0adie]

okay i had something else typed up that was waaay longer but fuck it

tw: mentions of depression, dysphoria, police brutality, and passive/active suicidal ideations, US election, implications of death

yall im suffering from dysphoria, depression that evolved the egregious month of may 2020- so now its every summer, this years police brutality, the election and ideations that are teetering on the passive and active state

i must do something now or i may not be with yall

i have to leave the internet right now

i have a month left till college and its bugging me really bad cuz im alone in my room with no other peers 24/7. this is not helping my loneliness

technically yall are my only "friends" cuz i have none in irl, so this may be so fucking counterproductive but i started socials in 2019 ive gone longer without physical and internet friends as a teen cuz i waited until adulthood to get on this shit ass place. i have to make this sacrifice to save myself or i wont even be able to come back to yall. im so sorry

hopefully to ease you and myself, here are some goals that you can think about with me so i can pull through:

aug 21 - i move into my dorm

aug 26 - class starts

personal - start writing original stories

personal - working on my dorm amazon wishlist

personal - gender affirming care: social transitioning

personal - start drawing again

personal - start working a remote job or open an art store

while im gone feel free to inbox or tag me in anything you like so i have motivation come back and see all your wonder stuff

i think i owe it to yall, especially over the internet, to voice this so you just dont live with anxious thoughts over me not responding over a long period of time or that ive completely given up

im leaving because i havent. i just have a really big challenge to overcome or really prevent

im finna catch this shit right now cuz i dont want to be active. am i happy with how shit is? Absolutely Not!

do i want to get gone to the ancestral plane? NO! NOT YET, DAMN😭

but i have got to go and i hope you guys can support me on this

i have deleted all social apps off my phone, chrome on the computer and will be logging out.

just know on a scale of 10, im at a 4.5 - so like im literally on the fence. if i dont go now and do something about myself, i may slip into active state

i tend to pathologize instead of feel my emotions but i am highly aware that shit aint right. where i would have just layed in bed and wallowed, i now have to get my shit together or i will be in the ground

for those worried about my irl support system, i have my parents

thank you to everyone who has ever interacted with me. if i have any updates, they will be here; very short and sweet so i can log off

i hope everyone has a great rest of their summer

okay bye bye. i love you