#;— She said she gave all her love to me; we dreamt of a new life- some place to be at peace. (chasiingrain- Jessie)

[itneverendshere]

baby girl being born and she doesn’t come out crying, rafe thinks his heart stops

i loved this request💓💓 and decided to make it even more precious by adding a tiny bit of this one: "for some reason i see this baby being born in November/october and you think it’s perfect for the holidays and rafes birthday hahahaha (i use drew’s birthday for his)". hope you like it!!🥰

half a heart without you - r.c

pairing: pogue!reader x rafe (bartender!reader universe) warnings: child labor; mentions of death.

rafe sat on the the stiff hospital chair, bouncing his leg anxiously as the sterile scent of antiseptic filled the room. the muffled voices of the nurses around him did nothing to soothe his panic. all he could focus on was you—the love of his life.

you lay in the hospital bed, breaths labored, your hand gripping his with a force he knew you’d later joke about. even through the sweat and exhaustion of labor, you were beautiful. your eyes moved towards him, and despite the pain etched into your face, you gave him an exhausted smile.

"it's almost time," the nurse announced, glancing between the monitors and her patient.

rafe squeezed your hand tighter, his heart hammering in his chest.

he should be excited—this was supposed to be the moment where everything changed, where the world became new. he had dreamt about your daughter for months, imagining what she’d look like, what kind of personality she’d have, how his life would revolve around her from the second she entered the world. 

he never thought of himself as someone who wanted to be a father—never thought he deserved it, but now he couldn’t imagine anything else. this baby girl was going to be his world. 

he adjusted his mask, trying to ignore the panic inside him, he had to put your first no matter what his head was screaming at him. "you doing okay, baby?" 

you shot him a look, disbelief and irritation crossing your face. "does it look like 'm okay, rafe?" you snapped between breaths, the hand that wasn’t cutting his circulation gripped the side of the bed with a force that made your knuckles turn white.

the change in humour would've blindsided him if he hadn't dealt with it throughout your pregnancy.

rafe winced, his lips twitching into an apologetic smile. "stupid question. sorry."

the nurse smiled from the other side of the room, used to seeing husbands or boyfriends fumbling in this exact situation. 

rafe, however, wasn’t going to stand back and just be in the way. he moved closer to your side.

“you’re doing great.” he whispered encouragingly leaning down to press a kiss to your temple. “you’re so strong. stronger than me.”

the doctor glanced over at rafe, his expression calm but serious.

"we’re almost there. one more big push, and she'll be here."

he couldn’t believe this was happening. after months of anticipation, this was it—the moment their daughter would finally come to the world.

"one more push," he echoed to you, his thumb stroking the back of your hand. "you got this. ’m right here."

you let out a groan, squeezing his hand hard enough that rafe was sure his bones were grinding together. you took a breath before pushing with all your might, face contorting with the effort. rafe leaned forward, trying to offer what little comfort he could, but he felt useless.

your eyes flew open suddenly, and you glared at him almost desperately.

"you—" you panted, gasping between contractions, "you...fucked this baby out of me!"

his blue eyes went wide, mouth dropping open as he whipped his head around to look at the nurses and doctor, mortified. "she's—she's joking!" he blurted, his voice cracking as he felt his face heat up behind the mask, "swear she's joking!"

except you weren’t.

the nurse beside him smirked, while the doctor didn’t even flinch, calmly preparing for the baby’s arrival.

“completely normal,” the doctor said dryly, his eyes twinkling beneath his mask. “you wouldn’t believe the things we hear in here.”

rafe’s face burned, but when he looked back at you—his girl, red-faced and furious—he knew you were wacking him mentally for his stupid idea. 

before he could say anything else in his defense, the doctor’s tone changed as he gave the final instruction, and the nurse moved into position. “this is it,” he said, focused now. “big push.”

he was three seconds away from fainting embarrassingly on this hospital room floor. this was it. he was about to be a dad.

you gave one final, strained push, after hours of labor, a guttural scream tearing from your throat. and then—

your daughter was born, but the room went silent, there was no cry.

rafe's heart stopped.

his breath caught in his throat as he stared at the small form in the doctor’s hands. the tiny, pink-skinned baby wasn’t moving. she wasn’t making any sound.

“she’s not—” rafe choked out, but the panic was already settling in his body as he looked between the doctor, the nurses, and you.

you were watching, your exhaustion momentarily forgotten as fear clouded your expression. his mind was screaming again, this time, a deafening roar of terror, and all he could think was why isn’t she crying? 

he could hear nothing, see nothing, except for the small, seemingly lifeless body in front of him. he felt numb, paralyzed.

but then he saw you—his rock—and you looked utterly shattered. the panic in your eyes was immediate, your face void of any color as you stared at the nurses working on your baby.

without thinking, he grabbed your cheeks, his hands framing your face as he forced you to look at him, not the nurses, not the baby.

just him.

“rafe,” you choked out, voice already raspy with sobs. tears filled your eyes, your entire body trembling under his hands.

“i know, baby,” he whispered, as he leaned closer, pressing his forehead to yours, trying to keep you distracted. “keep your eyes on me. it’s gonna be okay. look at me, just look at me.”

you were already crying, tears mixing with the sweat on your face.

you gripped his wrists like he was the only thing keeping you sane, your breath coming in broken gasps. “rafe—” your sob was gut-wrenching as your eyes flicked toward the nurses again.

“hey,” he pulled you in again, his thumbs brushing your cheeks, wiping away the tears. he kissed your temple, holding you close as he kept his voice calm for your sake, even as his own heart felt like it was breaking. “she’s gonna be okay. i promise. she’s strong, just like you. just stay with me, baby, okay?”

you let out another sob, burying your face into his chest as he held you tighter. 

he felt you shake in his arms and he wanted to fall apart too—wanted to break down and scream, to beg for their baby to be okay—but he couldn’t. so instead he pressed kiss after kiss to your temple, murmuring reassurances he wasn’t even sure he believed.

“it’s gonna be okay. she’s okay.”

the truth was, rafe wasn’t sure of anything and he didn’t know how long he could keep it together. but then—just as the panic threatened to consume him whole—a fragile cry pierced the air.

rafe’s breath caught in his throat, his whole body freezing with the sound. he closed his eyes for a moment, sighing in relief.

she was okay. she was here. she was okay.

the nurse, smiling now, wrapped your baby girl in a soft blanket and gently placed her on your chest. the sudden change from fear to overwhelming love hit him like a bullet, and all he could do was stare as you, still crying, reaching out to cradle your newborn daughter.

his hands dropped from your face, and he stepped back just slightly, his eyes glued to the sight of his daughter lying on you, tiny and perfect.

“she’s okay,” you mumbled to yourself like you still needed to believe it. your eyes were full of tears, hands still trembling as you gently stroked the baby’s head. “she’s okay.”

rafe felt his knees go weak with relief, his heart swelling as he leaned down, kissing your forehead, then brushing a kiss against the baby’s tiny head.

“she’s perfect,” he breathed out, voice still hoarse as he finally let his tears fall. he pressed his lips to your hair, breathing you in. “autumn,” he said softly, the name slipping out without hesitation. “born right in time for the holidays. just like we wanted.”

you looked up at him, cheeks still glistening with tears, and you smiled. a genuine smile, despite everything. “autumn cameron.”

rafe grinned through his tears, his hand gently resting on your daughter’s back.

“yeah,” he murmured, his voice filled with awe. “autumn cameron.”

he knew that no matter what happened in life, this—this—was everything.

[dreamwritersworld]

All too well. (Miles morales x reader)

Weather Miles knew it or not he was stabbing her right in the heart every time he made their relationship seem under wraps.

In front of everyone he refused to call their relationship what it was. Love. Not a childish relationship, at least not to Y/n.

Rio could see something was going on between the two. There wasn’t a day where she hadn’t dreamt of seeing Y/n in a wedding dress besides Miles, she was all too prefect. Y/n was practically the daughter she never had.

So Miles kept her close to his heart and he always got Y/n to return back into his arms but every time she did she felt shame, and he would just hold her lifeless frame. Their relationship was crowded, Gwen was stuck in the picture and the teenage boy was stuck between the two. He couldn’t imagine a life without either of them. Gwen gave him thrill and Y/n gave him comfort.

Both girls were spider-women except…Gwen wasn’t in their universe. She was gone and it had been months. Y/n remembered it all too well.

When arguments happened salty tears would fall from the two of them once they wrapped arms around each other, Miles breathed in her sweet candy scent wishing for it to smell like another. While y/n let tears fall knowing Miles imagined someone else with him. She didn’t trust herself, her body would always lead her back to the wrong things, him.

However…the patience of Y/n didn’t last longer. The night before everything went downhill they got into an argument…

It all started when we had came home from keeping watch on the city. Tonight wasn’t the best night, Miles was so distant and he refused to speak to me.

He spoke about me indirectly, I heard it.

“you’re just so irritable….”

I couldn’t ignore it, not this time. His frustration lighted a bottling flame waiting to ignite..

“I won’t ever understand you! You won’t even speak to me directly?! What am I supposed to do with that?!”

He turned around quickly, spoke irrational. Though I knew in some way or another he meant every word he said.

“If you were Gwen maybe I would’ve been just fine?!”

Hearing him say that made me want to die. Confirming something I denied for the longest. There was shuffling in my feet stepping backwards, my heart beginning to feel intense agony and the tears slipping from my eyes.

Miles couldn’t exactly see my face with my mask, but he knew what he had said cut deep.

“…we’re done.”

His hand reached out for me but all I could do was push him away. I fled immediately after, knocking into almost every building. My vision was disoriented since my eyes were flooding with tears.

That night I went to bed listening to my parents arguing in the living room, doing the same thing Miles and I had just done. Maybe it was for the better…maybe if I stayed I would’ve repeated the never ending cycle….

‘All’s wells, that ends well’ but Y/n was in a new hell every time he double crossed her mind. It goes without saying that the next day Y/n dreaded having to go to Jeff’s promotion party, but she would anyways because they were there for her big moments too…

My eyes felt swollen from the rough night and I couldn’t stop thinking about it all. Picking between the clothes and getting myself out of bed was difficult, this breakup felt final.

I took everything step by step and I took a deep breath walking into the party.

“Y/n! Hija you made it, I was getting worried!”

Rio rushed in giving me her nurturing love and all that hit was the fact that this will never happen as much. I wouldn’t allow myself to come over any more after this, not when I know I’d go back to him.

“Hi Mrs.Morales! Hi Mr.Morales-“

“Rio let Y/n breathe!…Cmon give me a hug kid!”

I did return that hug but all I could do was take the emotions in..

“Congratulations sir!”

once we were done with our greetings they turned my body quickly to the skylines of the city

“Isn’t it beautiful!…haha yea.”

The way Jeff had spoke sounded quick and awkward, he rushed my body to turn so fast.

“oh yea it is..”

Rio couldn’t just stand there and act like she didn’t see Y/n hurt regardless if she didn’t see the scene Jeff hid her from, she wanted to protect her but she wouldn’t lie to Y/n either.

“Oh princesa, lo siento.”

Confusión covered my face but inside hearing just that but not knowing why, I was so close to breaking down.

“What do you mean?”

Jeff looked to Rio with pleading eyes begging her to stop and Rio had a sense of genuine and a need to not hide something.

“Miles is with that girl Gwenda, I can’t lie to you Y/n. You’re just too sweet for me to lie. Just know that no matter how or why your relationship ended, no es por ti.”

My swollen eyes wanted to cry once more, I turned my body to the crime scene. He did talk to her the entire time in the beginning of our relationship…maybe did even worse. She came back now, and Miles was the one who ran to her the second we called it quits.

I knew based off the smile on his face, he’d never feel sorry for the way I hurt. He was showing her off just by simply bringing her and pulling her close…

The entire time Y/n was staring Jeff couldn’t believe his eyes, everything Rio had rambled about them being together and Y/n being in love, Miles loving her back but out of nowhere it only ever became halfway. It hurt seeing the pain that struck her eyes.

Jeff gave Y/n the biggest hug..

“If you want Y/n..you can pick out your food, eat and take a good nap on our couch before you head home.”

A small tear feel from Y/n’s eyes, all she could do was nod and walk away…

I’ve never doubted myself so much, I hate that I gave Miles power over that kind of stuff. At some point in our relationship it was always one step forward and three steps back.

Once I made it back down to their apartment I couldn’t nap, my body wouldn’t allow it. Something was telling me to go. So I did.

I closed the window and leaped onto building from building , trusting my body to lead me in the right direction. When I arrived there was a damaged building and a portal..no one was there and it hadn’t closed yet, so I jumped in..

!💓!

guys. please tell me yk the references.

Tag list: @justleila @tati-the-fangirl @kxllanxtdoor @abbersreads @abislays123 @not-aya @usernamepasswordsstuff @moralesluvrr @inluvwithneteyam @twinkletwinklenotastar @ilystarz @vodoo-heart @papichulo120627 @mashiromochi @frogsandmoss @laylasbunbunny

[reigningqueenofwords]

Merry Christmas

Pairing: Dean x Reader Word count: 2,061 Warnings: Slight angst

Read on AO3

“Screw you, Dean!” You yelled over your shoulder as you stormed through the bunker. You had a bag in hand, stuffed with your clothes. A smaller back was on top of it with your shampoo, conditioner, body wash, and a few other miscellaneous things. “Stupid Winchester.” You grumbled as you heard him following you. 

Sam raised an eyebrow at the commotion, getting up to go see what was going on. “Y/N?” He asked. “What’s up? You okay?” You were a close friend, and he didn’t want you upset. 

You stopped and let your head hang back for a moment before looking at him. “You’re brother is an ass, that’s all.” You said, sounding a bit bored, like it was old news. “So, I’m leaving.” You shrugged. 

“Come on, babe.” Dean half whined as he came in. “Can we just we just talk about this?” He asked, giving you the puppy dog eyes that you were sure Sam learned from him. 

“Do I want to know?” Sam asked, a bit unsure about what the pair of you were fighting about. 

Sighing, you thought before speaking. “We’d been fighting over whether or not we were going to celebrate Christmas. I wanted to. We’ve been together for four years, and I wanted something simple. Nothing like a full on Christmas in the movies or anything. He wouldn’t budge. Nothing I said made him change his mind.” You explained, making Sam nod that he understood. You both knew that Dean was stubborn as all hell. “So, I woke up before him this morning, and I tried waking him up. I was rubbing his back. You wanna know what he said?” 

He made a face. “I’m not sure.” 

“Merry Christmas, Lisa.” You shot Dean a look. “Fucking Lisa. Won’t celebrate Christmas with me, but dreams about it with her.” You spat. “Out of all the things he could have said.” 

Sam’s eyebrows shot up at that. He hadn’t heard that name in ages. “What the hell, Dean?!” He asked, crossing his arms, angry for you. Sure, they hadn’t really done Christmas since the whole pagan Gods thing, but he would have agreed for you. How hard was it to just have a little holiday joy for someone you cared about? Especially in the life that they led.

Dean sagged. “I said I’m sorry.” He said softly, swallowing. 

“I’ll be in touch, Sam.” You sighed. “I’m not saying I’m going forever, but I can’t sleep next to him right now.” Which hurt, a lot. Rarely did the pair of you sleep apart. “I’ll text you to let you know I’m safe, okay?” You added, knowing that would be the next question out of his mouth. 

He gave you a sad smile and a quick hug. “I hope you have a Merry Christmas, Y/N.” He said softly. 

You glanced at Dean, hurt in your eyes. “See you, Dean. I do love you. Even if you are an ass.” You told him, your anger softening to more hurt than anything. Would you never live up to her? 

Dean’s heart ached at the look in your eyes, knowing that he was the cause. “Come home soon?” He asked, his voice full of emotion. “Please?” He added, wanting to rush over and pull you into his arms. 

Nodding, you licked your lips. “I just need time to think.” You said honestly before heading towards the door. You willed your tears to not fall. Not yet. Not while you were still so close to the man you loved. He was your home, and he was who you ran to when you hurt. Having him be the reason your stomach churned and you felt like crying was one of the hardest things you’d dealt with.

As soon as you were out the door, Sam crossed his arms over his chest and stared at Dean. “Really? Lisa?” He asked. “Out of anyone? She knows that’s the closest you’ve ever come to an apple pie life, and she can’t even get a tiny Christmas with you?!” He was pissed. 

Dean sighed. “I know. I know.” He groaned. “I don’t even know how to start fixing this. I don’t want to lose her because I’m an idiot who, for some reason, dreamt of Lisa. I don’t even remember the dream!” He tried to defend himself. “One minute I’m asleep, the next I’m being hit with a pillow.” 

“I don’t blame her.” He shook his head. “Does some part of you miss Lisa and Ben? Do you miss being out of the life?” Sam asked, trying to work through what was going on in his brother’s mind. “Do you want that back?” His voice was softer, like he was afraid to speak it into existence. 

“No.” He said easily. “I don’t. I haven’t even thought about them until she mentioned her name.” He ran a hand through his disheveled hair. “I know that life isn’t in the cards for us, so why would I want it? It wouldn’t last.” They both knew that was true. They’d both had first hand experience with that. “I don’t know why I had a dream of telling Lisa that. I have no idea why she would be in my dream to begin with. Now, can we not focus on that and focus on getting Y/N home?!” He pleaded. “Seriously, if I were to ask for anything for Christmas, it would be that.” 

“Which is funny because you not wanting Christmas with her is a big reason we’re in this mess.” Sam muttered as he passed Dean. “I’ll wait to hear from her before I try to think of anything.” 

Dean let out a sigh as he was left alone. “Shit.” 

It was a few days before you told Sam you were settled in for the holidays. Christmas was two days away, and you just wanted to spend the day relaxing. You’d found a little rustic cabin, and enjoyed how it was covered in snow. On the way through town, you’d stopped to get enough food for the next few days, a book, and some wrapping paper. 

Even if they were late getting them, you still wanted to give the boys their gifts.And they would look as perfect as you could get them. You’d gotten Dean a personalized knife, a cool science kit where he could build his own radio, a cookbook, the Lord of the Rings trilogy on Blu-Ray, and a new bag for his weapons. For Sam, you’d gotten him a new laptop bag, a few books you had seen him eyeing, a new jacket, and a pair of nice headphones. You had literally shopped all year for this. Sometimes you’d order things online, sometimes you’d grab things after a hunt. Either way, you got what you needed. 

Thankfully, wrapping presents gave you a much needed distraction. You’d been pushing everything down since that morning. It was going to catch up to you, and you knew it. Once you’d finished wrapping, you set them all on the table in front of the window. Snapping a picture, you sent it to both of them. Merry Christmas. You sighed, watching the snow fall outside. Slowly, your walls came down, too. Sniffing, you wiped your nose. 

Everything hit you at once. You were feeling insecure for the first time in your entire relationship. Sitting on the floor, your back was against the side of the bed as you cried. You’d be spending the ‘happiest’ time of the year alone, and ringing in the New Year alone for the first time in years.

Dean quickly looked at his phone, hoping you were saying you were on your way home. However, he saw it was a stack of presents and sighed. Even with everything, you’d gone to all that trouble. There was no tell tale signs of where you were. All he knew was that you were somewhere cold. Getting up, he shuffled through the halls to find Sam. “Hey, Sammy?” He asked, leaning his head into his room. 

“You get the same picture?” He asked, glancing at him. 

“Yeah, I did.” He sighed. “Anyway you can track her phone? I want to drive out and surprise her. Get her some stuff along the way, got some stuff in mind, actually.” He admitted. “Please, Sammy?” 

Sam looked unsure. “She made it clear she wants to be alone, Dean.” He pointed out. “What if we get there and she tells us to get the hell out?” It wasn’t like he was saying ‘no’ outright, but he wanted to be sure that Dean thought this through. 

“Okay, I’m sure she wouldn’t tell you to get the hell out.” Dean started. “Just me.” He shrugged, leaning on the doorframe. “And, if she does, then I guess I’d find a nearby motel.” What else could he have done? “I have to at least try.” He added softly. 

“Fine.” He sighed, caving. “You do realize that tomorrow is Christmas Eve, right? And that stores are going to be hell?” He got out of bed. 

He nodded. “She’s worth it. Oh, and find out if the animal shelter is open!” He beamed, glad that Sam agreed. He was honestly hoping having Sam go with him would up his chances of you letting him stay. 

It took a moment for Sam to realize what his brother had said, making him follow him out into the hall. “Animal shelter?!” He furrowed his brows. “What the hell are you getting her?!” He called out, not getting an answer. Now he was very curious.

Your hair was up in a messy bun as you relaxed with the book you had grabbed. You had your feet on the coffee table (that had seen better days), and a cup of cocoa on the end table next to you. You furrowed your brows and looked towards the window when you could have sworn you heard Baby. It seemed to fade after a moment, so you shook your head and went back to the book. Not even two minutes later, however, it was louder. “What the hell?” You muttered, putting in a piece of paper as a bookmark and getting up. Your eyebrows went up when you saw the Impala parking in front of the cabin. Moving to the door, you shivered as you opened it. The snow was coming down harder now, making the boys a tad hard to see as they got out of the beautiful black car. 

They both rushed towards the door, arms full. You stepped aside to let them in. Hearing a small bark, you stared at Dean. He gave you a bashful smile as he set some things down and uncovered the small dog in his other arm. “Merry Christmas.” He said lovingly. “You’ve been wanting a dog. So, I got you a dog.” His heart soared as you took the puppy and instantly melted. “His name is Bailey. That’s the name the shelter gave him.” He reached out to scratch behind his ear. 

“You let a dog in Baby?” You asked, giggling as Bailey licked your cheek. “Just because I wanted one? You always said no ‘dirty’ dogs in Baby, and that you didn’t want a ‘damn dog’.” You teased. 

He rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, I was hoping this shows how sorry I am.” He shrugged. “I mean, Sammy’s been wanting a dog for years and I’ve never caved for him.” He chuckled. 

Sam shook his head. “I won’t argue. He’s cute.” He motioned to Bailey. “He’s a French Bulldog, and they said they don’t bark excessively.” He watched as you set him down. Instantly he was sniffing around, his entire backside moving as his very small tail ‘wagged’. “We got other presents for you, too.” He motioned to what Dean had set on the bed. 

“I didn’t need anything, guys. I just wanted a nice Christmas with you two.” You pulled them both into a hug. “Please tell me you brought food. I only bought enough for myself.” You laughed. 

“Of course.” Dean nodded, kissing your cheek. “Now, let’s exchange presents!” He beamed, honestly a bit more excited about the entire thing now. 

“Let’s.” You nodded. “I’ve been buying all year for you two.” You admitted with a light blush. “So, I’m hoping you guys like everything.” 

Dean grinned. “I know we will, babe.” 

[storiesbyjes2g]

3.146 And so it begins

Chi Chi told us so many stories about Karmine as a baby, I thought I would never make it to bed. I hoped I didn't look crazy while I used every muscle in my body to keep my eyes open. If I was tired because of age, this adult stage and I were not going to get along. Around midnight, she finally left, freeing me to flee to my bed. I was cooked and didn't even remember changing my clothes. What I did remember was closing my eyes and being awakened abruptly minutes later by my phone. It didn't occur to me that it was too late for anyone to be calling because my brain was definitely still asleep. But I answered on autopilot. It was Mama. She said Dad had passed away and I should call her later to discuss funeral arrangements. I heard what she said, but I was too tired to really understand, so I said okay and went back to sleep, crashing harder than I ever had before.

I woke up feeling restless and sat on the edge of the bed, gripping my head in my hands, trying to make sense of it all, but I couldn't pinpoint what was troubling me. A sense of unease overwhelmed me because I had a nagging feeling that some unfinished business weighed heavily on me, but couldn't recall the details. I sat there, combing over my thoughts until it came to me. My dad was gone. I waited for something to happen, expecting a deluge of tears, a flurry of anger, a vast emptiness...something. But I felt nothing. How? Was this...peace? After all, we had a great, fulfilling relationship. I got to say goodbye. Was there really anything to be sad about?

Desiree called for me, so I shook myself out of my thoughts and made a bottle.

"Hey, sweetie. Do you remember granddad? He gave you your eyes. He taught me everything I know. He, uhhh...he's gone now, so he won't come see you anymore. It's okay if you're sad. Mommy and daddy are here for you."

I knew she had no idea what I said, but it just came out. Maybe it was my own inner dialogue, trying to convince me it was acceptable to display my emotions. Still, I felt nothing. After she was satisfied, I showered and waited for Sophia to wake up.

She giggled in her sleep a lot. I always wondered what she dreamt about and wished my sleep was as entertaining as hers. I loved her playful spirit. She might have tiny gray hairs sprouting here and there, and little lines creasing her face that weren't there before, but she was every bit as youthful and gorgeous as she was the first time I saw her. When she finally opened her eyes, she asked if I had been watching her, and I admitted to it.

"Like what you see?" she asked.

"I love what I see."

"Good. What's going on?"

"I've been waiting to tell you something."

"What is it?" she asked, her voice still heavy with sleep. She slid from under the blanket and sat next to me with worry and concern written on her face. "Why didn't you wake me?"

"You need your rest."

"I'm fine, Luca. What's going on?"

"It's Dad. He's gone."

Her eyes welled up. At least one of us could cry for him.

"So soon?" As the news settled within her, her shoulders slumped, burdened by our seemingly sudden loss. "Oh, Luca. I'm so sorry."

She flew to me, squeezing even tighter than she did the other night, thinking I needed comfort, but she needed it too.

"I need to go to Mama's house for a few hours, but I'll be back."

"Of course. Take all the time you need."

Lately, it seemed all I did was leave Sophia and Desiree at home. I didn't like it, but that was daily life for many parents. Most men had jobs outside the home they went to every day and only saw their families at night. It was normal, but I still felt like I was abandoning them. I just wanted to be there with them, but life kept pulling me away.

I ended up at Dad's house on my way to Newcrest. I couldn't explain how I ended up there if someone asked me to explain it with a SimRay at my head, but there I was, standing on the sidewalk, gazing up at this place that used to be my home. It called to me, I guess, so I went inside and looked around. He didn't have much, like he said, but I was surrounded by so many good memories.

It occurred to me that I should look for his urn while I was there, but I never found it. I must have walked around that house three times searching for it, but it was nowhere to be found. How could we have a funeral with no urn? And if it wasn't there, where in the world was it? How would I be able to find it without knowing where he died? Defeat set in, but I refused to give up and hoped Mama could help me.

She met me at the door and threw her arms around me.

"I'm sorry for your loss, buddy. Can I do anything for you?"

"I'm oddly fine. Is that weird? I don't know if I'm at peace or I'm gonna fall apart later."

"It's not weird at all. One thing I learned from him and Mommy is sims grieve in different ways. Maybe yours isn't a loud, sobby grief. Maybe it's quiet and reflective."

"I went by the house. There wasn't an urn. How can we have the funeral without it, Mama?"

She averted her eyes.

"Ummm... You didn't find it because... Well...okay, he was here last night."

"He was...here?"

My second question was going to be what was he doing there in a suspicious tone, but he could have been hanging out with Alessia or helping with the babies. But he never once touched those babies, and he and Alessia didn't have that kind of relationship. And given how weird Mama acted, and how she'd been looking at him lately, and how much he'd been talking about her, my very educated guess was that neither Less nor the babies had anything to do with his late-night visit, and I didn't want to know anymore. Besides, now it made more sense why she was the one who called me.

"So, you have it then?" I asked.

"Yes."

"Okay."

"...That's it?"

"It's none of my business, Mama."

It was all hands on deck later when the taxing trio were unhappy all at once. Less was outside swimming, so I went and got her so we would be evenly matched. Arvin seemed to be the easiest one to care for. He had a rather sunny disposition, only crying when he needed something vs. his brother who cried for just about any reason. He seemed to be really sensitive but didn't enjoy being held for long. I knew he was going to be a handful. Breanna was rather calm, but man did she love to eat. I tried to put her down several times after feeding her, but she kept crying for more.

Alessia and I must have been alike in our grief, because she seemed relatively okay too, not that I expected her to be all broken up. She loved our dad in her own way, but their relationship wasn't like ours. When Mama passes, it might be a different story.

[meiliarotten]

Team Fortress 2 Kinktober Time Three: Return of the Kink

Day 7: A Cure For Workaholism (Cunnilingus)

🔞MINORS DNI🔞

Pairing: Ms. Pauling x Fem!Reader

Summary: Pauling has just a government ordered vacation. Being, well, herself, she has absolutely no idea how to function without work, so you help her relax in your own special way.

Tags: Oral, comfort, aftercare, Pauling deserves a damn break

Word Count: 2.4k

The Masterlist

A vacation. An extended vacation ordered by the literal government of New Mexico. Pauling, the Miss Pauling, workaholic extraordinaire, was going on vacation. You almost didn’t believe the news when she told you, insisting that she pinch you hard to make absolutely sure you weren’t dreaming. Well, you weren’t dreaming, and now your arm was sore, but that didn’t matter. You had several months to spend, uninterrupted, with your girlfriend, and nothing could bring you down.

So of course the first order of business was a lengthy date night, something the two of you hadn’t enjoyed since your college years. Pauling was honestly surprised you had stuck with her this long. She was working almost constantly, and even on her one day off a year, she was usually too tired to do anything substantial with you. She had told you as much, but you always responded with the fact that she meant far too much to you to let work get in the way. That didn’t mean you weren’t ecstatic to hear about this vacation though, so much so that by the end of the night, once the two of you had returned home, you began planning trips to all the places the two of you had ever dreamt of going.

“We have to see Paris,” you insisted, pointing enthusiastically at a map you had pinned to the bedroom wall. “We can’t spend your entire vacation just going to weapon expos.”

Pauling gave you a confused look. “I thought you enjoyed going to gun shows with me.”

“I do! But it feels much too work-adjacent for you. You have to really get out there! Forget about your job for a while and just live,” you explained, circling the capital of France with a red marker and making the decision final.

“I guess so,” Pauling said. She didn’t sound convinced. You sidled up beside her on the bed with a smirk.

“It’ll be fun,” you said, pecking her cheek. “It’s the city of love.”

When she didn’t respond you continued to leave light, ghostly kisses down her jaw and to her neck. She sighed, tilting her head to the side to expose more of that sensitive skin to you. You were careful not to leave hickeys. You knew how much Pauling hated needing to cover them up for work- but wait, Pauling didn’t have work, and she wouldn’t for a very long time. That realization was enough to send you into a frenzy, sucking hard on the skin of her neck until a few faint bruises formed. She moaned so sweetly for you when you did that.

“That feels good, doesn’t it?” you whispered, your breath tickling Pauling’s ear and sending a shiver down her spine. “It’s nice to let loose, isn’t it?”

“I suppose so,” she said, and you immediately took note of her tone of voice. She sounded deeply concerned. You pulled back to look at her and her face was pinched with worry.

“What’s wrong?” you asked, worried that you had said or done something amiss. However when you really took a moment to look at her, you realized she wasn’t meeting your gaze. Instead, her eyes were glued behind you, at the wall. No, not the wall, but the wall mounted clock.

That’s when realization struck. Even after being legally ordered to take a break, she couldn’t stop thinking about schedules, deadlines, and work. It was like that damn job had altered her brain chemistry. Honestly, you wouldn’t be surprised if it had. She was probably counting down the seconds until she could return to her mile-a-minute life, running errands for the Administrator, burying bodies, and god knows what else.

With that, your goal was set. You would make sure this clinical workaholic got the stress relief she needed and deserved. It was about time Pauling got to be pampered and tended to. “Hey, how about I make this all about you tonight?” you said. Sure enough, that proposal was met with visible confusion.

“You don’t want me to do anything for you?” Pauling asked.

“It’s your first day of vacation. I don’t want you to do anything for me. I don’t want you worrying about anything at all.” You gave her a quick peck on the cheek, and you could’ve sworn she made a soft noise of surprise when you did. It was adorable. “Do you think you can manage that?”

Pauling almost instinctively answered ‘no.’ The very concept of having nothing to do, or even being expected to do nothing, was completely foreign to her. It was frightening. But there was a chance it could be nice. Especially now, with you straddling her lap, trying to gently push her back onto the bed, kissing her as if you were trying to memorize every feature of her face through your lips alone.

“Hey, is everything alright?” you asked, stopping just short of waving a hand in front of her face to see if she had gone catatonic. Pauling realized she hadn’t responded for quite a while.

“Yes! Yes, sorry,” she said suddenly, shaking her head. “Everything’s fine. So, do I just… lay back?”

“Sure, if you want to,” you said with a small laugh. Pauling blushed, glancing away from you.

“Sorry, I'm not good at this whole ‘relaxing’ thing. I honestly don’t know what to do.” It was said like a confession, but you had known her long enough that this didn’t come as a surprise.

“You don’t have to apologize.” You reassured her with a soft smile, rubbing gentle circle over her hips.

“It’s almost easier to have someone telling me what to do.” Now that admission got some gears turning in your head.

“I can do that for you,” you suggested, almost too enthusiastically. You quickly adjusted your tone. “Only if you want to, of course.”

Pauling thought for a moment. It seemed strange to spend the first day of her vacation listening to someone else telling her what to do, but the idea was oddly comforting as well. “Yeah, I think I would like that. At least until I get the hang of this.”

You nodded, trying not to feel too sad at the fact that Pauling had to ‘get the hang of’ relaxing. She really had been worked to the bone by that damn Administrator. “Alright. Sit on the edge of the bed for me,” you said. Without hesitation, she shifted towards you, and you positioned yourself on the floor, seated between her legs. “I want you to sit up, that way you can see everything I’m doing. If you feel uncomfortable at any point, just let me know. I’ll stop.”

“I understand,” Pauling said with a nod. You didn’t miss how her voice seemed to shake slightly, lacking its usual steadiness. You had a feeling you were about to see a side of her that you had never seen before.

Leaning in, you began to kiss your way up her inner thighs. Pauling’s reaction was immediate, trapping her lower lip between her teeth as she watched you. She looked unsure, but very curious. It was an adorable look for the normally well put together, confident woman. She tried to stay calm, taking deep breaths that quickly became heavy when your kisses grew closer and closer to the intersection of her thighs-

“Oh!”

The sound Pauling made was entirely involuntary, a short, low moan elicited by the feeling of your tongue flicking tentatively against her clit. The sensation startled her, even though she saw it coming. You were testing the waters, glancing up at her with a questioning look. Pauling’s breath hitched. This was all new. Very new. But she didn’t want it to stop.

“Keep going,” she stammered. You didn’t need to be told twice, although you were surprised that Pauling reacted so strongly to something so brief- in fact, she seemed to react strongly to every little thing you did. It was seriously boosting your ego, as well as your arousal, and it all served to prove that she needed this badly.

It was almost as if no one had ever gone down on her before, but that couldn’t be true. Surely you had done this before? You would feel like an incredibly shitty partner if you hadn’t. The more likely explanation was that it had just been a very, very long time. That didn’t matter, though. You loved hearing those moans, the sounds of a woman who had been under so much stress for so long finally allowing herself the luxury of a release.

It wasn’t long before squeezing your thighs together wouldn’t suffice. You slipped a hand between your legs, seeking a bit of relief for yourself. Even with just the briefest touch, your fingers came away slick and shiny. You moaned against Pauling, and her hips bucked slightly at the new sensation.

Forgetting about your own needs, you turned your attention entirely to your partner. Pauling gave a startled yelp when you hoisted her legs onto your shoulders and held them there. This robbed her of any leverage to buck against your mouth, but that soon wouldn’t be an issue. Pulling back for a quick breath, you dove in with doubled efforts. Immediately, she began to squirm in your grasp, but you held fast. You dug your nails into her thighs unintentionally, leaving little half moon indents in the soft flesh. Her clit became your main focus, massaging your tongue against that sensitive bud until Pauling’s moans reached a fever pitch. You moaned against her again, and that proved to be the final push she needed.

She tipped over the edge, coming hard. Her legs tightened around your head to the point that you thought you might suffocate. Not that you would have minded. It would be an honorable death, to have your breath cut off between the thighs of a woman in ecstasy. Still, you weren’t about to go out without a final orgasm for yourself, quickly reaching down to finish off what you had begun earlier. You were so aroused that it didn’t take long, rubbing tight circles around your clit until you too were at your peak, riding out the high through moans that were muffled against Pauling’s inner thighs.

You weren’t sure how long it was before her legs finally relaxed and you were able to pull away, breathing like you had just run a marathon. You sat up on your knees to check on Pauling, and her expression mirrored yours, albeit dazed and staring absently at the ceiling. Her body shivered with little aftershocks before eventually going limp, basking in the warm afterglow. You sat back down on the floor, certain that if you tried to stand now, you would end up falling, possibly even on top of Pauling.

“That was so fun,” she finally said, almost too quietly for you to hear. You smiled, feeling quite proud of yourself. This had gone perfectly. You hadn’t even needed to order Pauling around too much. She had let herself go easily- almost too easily. This whole thing seemed a bit too good to be true, and sure enough, you hit a snag right at the end.

Pauling stood up suddenly. Her legs were still very shaky, and she barely made it a few steps before she collapsed into a nearby chair. You looked at her, head tilted in confusion. You stood up from the floor and sat on the bed, putting yourself at eye level with her.

“Um, where were you planning on going?” you asked, unsure what else to say.

“I honestly don’t know,” Pauling said, a slight hitch in her voice that almost made you worry she was about to cry.

It was strange to see that her first instinct was to get up and find something to do, even if there was no particular task to complete. It struck you as tragic. You wanted to reach out and pull her back towards you to bask in the afterglow like she deserved. However, you ultimately chose a more delicate approach.

“You don’t have to feel guilty for this,” you said.

“I never said I felt guilty,” Pauling said. Your expression must have made it obvious that you weren’t convinced. Pauling may have been able to flawlessly deceive others while on the job, but off the clock, she read like an open book. “Okay, fine. Maybe I do feel a little guilty.”

“The Administrator really is an unforgiving boss, huh?” you asked.

“I was literally only allowed one day off a year before the state of New Mexico got involved,” Pauling said, resting her head against the back of the chair with a sigh. “Unforgiving is a major understatement.”

The room went silent. Neither of you seemed to know what to say. You at least hoped that talking about all this made Pauling feel a little better. You were tempted to start discussing Paris again, just to break the awkward silence.

“You’re really good,” Pauling said. That caught your attention.

“Yeah, the way you just came for me kinda spoke to that fact,” you said, laughing softly. You couldn’t hide the way such praise managed to fluster you, the blush that had calmed down suddenly returning with a vengeance.

“Not that! I mean, you definitely are good at that too.” Your laughter proved to be contagious as Pauling started chuckling too. “You’re good to me. Despite everything, my job, the secrecy, the multiple felonies…” she trailed off, glancing at you with the realization that she may have said too much. You simply shrugged, giving a look that clearly said, ‘I figured as much.’

“You were just doing your job- a weird, borderline illegal job where you got to pull molars out of severed heads and kick ass in a pencil skirt. Which is super hot, by the way.” Now you were just turning up The Charm™. Pauling's face was going red again, and it was quite satisfying to see how you could still fluster her, even after so much time apart. You leaned back in the bed, arms crossed behind your head. “Just remember you deserved this. We all deserve to feel good once in a while. Can you try to convince yourself of that?”

There was a decent pause before Pauling finally responded. “I’ll try.” You smiled. You liked that response. It felt like potential, like possibility.

“You can start by getting yourself back in this bed and relaxing with me,” you said, beckoning her towards you. She approached, still a bit hesitant, and laid next to you stiffly, that is until you pulled her in. Once in your embrace, she melted, curling against your body and letting at least some of that tension go. You smiled. This was progress.

[pedroscurls]

Always Been You (Part 10).

Character(s): no-outbreak!Joel Miller x fem!Reader Summary: You and Joel take the next step in your relationship. Word count: 3.6k Author's Note: Finally, these two are finally officially together!!! I know it's been a really long slow burn and I appreciate y'all for being so patient. For anyone that's waited for this final chapter, thank you thank you thank you. It truly means a lot. Warning: smut!!! protected p in v, slow and sensual SERIES MASTERLIST

Joel wasted no time in calling the woman the following morning after leaving your apartment. He was dreading the conversation he would have to have, but at the same time, he was filled with so much excitement and happiness for what was to come afterwards. 

Last night felt like a dream. Kissing you and hearing that you felt the same way was something he constantly dreamt about. It had been such a long time since Joel felt excited and hopeful about someone and it eased plenty of concerns when he realized that your relationship with Sarah was always so strong. He just couldn’t wait to start building a life with you, by his side. 

You were watching Sarah for another day while Joel went to visit the woman. Sarah was all but excited to help you around the coffee shop and you were more than happy to teach her some basics when it came to making coffee. She was a natural though; her personality shone through and she was able to have conversations with your employees so easily. Teasingly, you had even told Sarah that she had a guaranteed job at your coffee shop when she was of age to start working. 

Everything in your life now seemed to fall in place. Kissing Joel and hearing him say that he was in love with you had been something you dreamt about for so long and now that it was finally here, you were overcome with so many emotions. You knew that he was going to break the news to this woman he had been seeing and while you did feel a bit guilty to get in the way of it, you knew that Joel was the one you wanted to be with and you were tired of wasting time. 

In just a few hours, Joel was going to come back and he would be all yours. 

And you couldn’t wait. 

—

Joel pulled up to the woman’s house and knocked on her door. When she opened it, she smiled in his direction and gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek.

“Joel,” she said.

“Tess, hey,” he replied, rubbing the back of his neck. “Can we talk?” 

“Uh oh,” she smiled. “That doesn’t sound like it’s good news. Come on in.”

Joel bit the inside of his cheek and followed her inside. He watched her walk towards the kitchen, where he followed closely, hands in his pockets.

“Alright, Miller, what’s up?” 

“I don’t think,” Joel sighed, biting his lower lip. “This ain’t working.” 

Tess arched her brow and crossed her arms over her chest, leaning against her kitchen counter. “This have anything to do with that woman that showed up at Sarah’s birthday party last weekend?” 

Joel nodded. He could never really lie to Tess, mainly because he knew that this woman could see right through him. It was one of the reasons why they got along so well; Tess always made sure to hold him accountable and Joel appreciated it, even as their relationship grew to something more physical and intimate. 

“Yeah,” he answered. “She’s–”

“The one you’ve been hung up on,” she interrupted. 

Joel narrowed his eyes, hands remaining in his pockets. “How’d you know?”

Tess shrugged. “We’ve been seeing each other for almost four months now and while the sex is great, something’s always been missing.”

“M’sorry, I–”

Tess shook her head. “I’m not holding it against you, Joel. We’re both adults. We didn’t have a conversation that this was going to be something more. I just got divorced and it’s not like I’m looking to jump straight into another relationship.” She walked over to Joel and rested a hand on his upper arm, leaning up to place a soft kiss on his cheek. “You don’t owe me anything, Miller. I’ll be okay.”

“I ain’t ever wanna hurt you, Tess.”

“Joel,” she sighed. “You’re a good man, you know that?” 

“I’m tryin’,” he replied.

“I’ll be okay,” Tess repeated. “Besides, it isn’t like we can’t be friends. Our kids go to school together.”

“Suppose you’re right,” Joel nodded. “You sure you’re okay?” 

“Joel, we weren’t serious,” she smiled. “If your heart is with someone else, I’m not gonna hold you back.” 

“I do love her,” Joel admitted. “I thought if I kept my distance from her that I–” he shook his head. “I just don’t wanna waste any more time. I should have been more honest with you from the beginning.”

Tess playfully rolled her eyes and stepped back. “Joel, I’m a big girl. I can handle this. Go get your girl.” 

“You need anythin’ at all, you call me, okay?” Joel said, leaning in to place a soft kiss on Tess’s cheek. 

“You got it, Miller. Same goes for you.”

“I’ll see you around, Tess.”

—

A few hours later, Joel was entering your coffee shop with a bouquet of flowers. He had gone back home to clean up, to make himself more presentable, and also to make sure that Tommy was okay after what happened last night. He knew that it was a conversation he needed to have with his younger brother, but right now, it could wait. His main priority was to get back to his girls, to get back to you. 

He walked into the coffee shop, noticing you and Sarah sitting at one of the smaller tables towards the back. Sarah looked up first, grinning over in Joel’s direction. Slowly, Joel watched his babygirl gently nudge at your side, causing you to look up from the book in your hands. When your eyes met his, Joel felt his entire world stand still. The sound of quiet chatter and the loud hissing of the steaming wands coming from the espresso machines faded away and all he could focus on was you. 

You stood up slowly, walking to meet Joel halfway. You looked at him, searching for any confirmation that he had done what he needed to do and when he gave you a single nod, you let out a sigh of relief and wrapped your arms around his shoulders. Joel used one arm to wrap around your waist, bringing you closer to him as he rested his forehead against yours, breathing quietly against you. 

“You’re mine now,” he whispered.

“There’s no one else I’d rather be than yours,” you replied. “Now, kiss me, cowboy.”

Joel chuckled and lowered just slightly to press his lips against yours. Just like last night, you melted into him as your fingers played with the curls at the nape of his neck. You had to remind yourself that you were in public, in front of Sarah, so you didn’t want to progress this any further. 

Joel’s lips moved slowly with yours, hand dipping to rest on your lower back with his fingertips dangerously grazing over the top of your backside. He wanted you so badly that he felt his lower half stir awake, pressing immediately into the fabric of his jeans. He pulled away, resting his forehead against yours as he let out a few deep breaths. 

“Can I take you out tonight?” Joel whispered, pecking your lips in between the words. 

“Yes. There’s nothing I’d want more.” 

“I can think of a few things,” Joel teased. 

“Mm, what do you mean by that?” you smiled, a blush appearing on your cheeks.

Joel smirked and leaned in to gently nibble at your earlobe, moving his lips to graze your jawline. “I guess we’ll find out tonight, hm?”

“Can’t wait.” 

Joel smiled and pulled back enough to give you the flowers, seeing your eyes light up at the sight of it. He leaned down and kissed the crown of your head, feeling your fingers brush against his own once you took the flowers from his hand. 

“These are beautiful, Joel. Thank you.” 

“Anythin’ for you, baby.” Joel led you back to your seat, seeing Sarah look between the both of you with a big grin. 

“Okay, spit it out,” you teased. 

“Finally!” she giggled, wrapping her arms around both your neck and Joel’s. She brought you both closer to her, feeling her give each of you a kiss on the cheek. “Finally,” she repeated. 

—

Joel was sitting on your couch, dressed in a dark green button up with dark jeans and his usual boots. He was a bit nervous while you were getting ready, but the nerves immediately disappeared when he looked up at the sound of your heels coming down from the hallway. 

He felt his breath being taken away from him at the sight of you. Your hair was down and in loose waves, makeup light and natural, but your dress… Joel couldn’t tear his eyes away from you. It was a light blue dress, clung to every curve with an asymmetrical neckline that stopped just right above your knees. 

And the slit on the left side. It was high enough that exposed more of your leg and Joel wanted nothing more than to just run his hands along it, lifting it higher and higher until–

“Hey, cowboy.” 

“Darlin’,” Joel whispered. He stood up and walked over to you, looking at you from top to bottom. “You’re– Just wow.” 

You bit your lower lip and immediately wrapped your arms around his shoulders. Joel had always looked at you like you were the most beautiful woman he had ever seen and this time was no different. You leaned in and pecked his lips lightly, but Joel’s arms had tightened further around your waist, pulling you flush against him.

“I love you,” you whispered.

Joel smiled. “I love you too, darlin’. You ready to go?” 

“Yeah, let’s get this dinner over with so we can head back home.”

“Eager, ain’t ya?” he teased, pulling away from you only to take a hold of your hand. Joel wasted no time in lacing his fingers with yours and pulling you close to his side. 

“You telling me that you aren’t?” you grinned up at him. “Because if you aren’t, we can wait and–”

“No no,” he interrupted. “I’m very eager.” 

“So, can we skip dinner and just get straight to what we’re both excited for?” 

Joel chuckled and shook his head. He stopped walking and turned to face you. He removed his hand from yours and gently cupped your cheek, eyes searching yours. “I wanna take you out, darlin’. We can wait a bit longer.” 

“No fun,” you pouted playfully. 

Joel pecked your lips. “I wanna take care of you, is that okay? I wanna show you what you deserve and a nice dinner out is–”

“I love you,” you blurted. “As much as I’m excited for later, I’m also excited to spend this night with you. So, whatever you have planned, let’s do it.” 

—

Throughout the night, you and Joel couldn’t keep your hands off each other. When you got to the restaurant and were seated at the booth, Joel sat right next to you and you curled against his side. It felt freeing to finally be with him in this way; to kiss him whenever you wanted, to tell him you loved him without worrying about the consequences. It had always been Joel. Always. 

After dinner, you and Joel went back to your apartment. There was a tension in the air; lingering touches, eyes scanning each other’s bodies, soft kisses along your shoulder as you climbed up the stairs. You both knew what was coming and once you stepped inside your apartment, you pulled Joel inside and wrapped your arms around his shoulders. 

“I had a great time,” you whispered. 

“Me too,” Joel’s hands rested on your hips, gripping them lightly. “It felt nice, y’know? To be able to take you out the way I’ve always wanted to.”

“About time, huh?”

Joel chuckled. “Better late than never, darlin’.” 

You nodded and bit your lower lip, hands playing with the hair at his nape as you leaned forward to rest your forehead against his. “Stay the night?” you asked hesitantly.

Joel nodded, his hands moving along your back and down to your backside, squeezing it lightly as you quietly gasped. “I’d love to, baby.” 

“Take me to the room?”

Joel smiled and pecked your lips. “Whatever you want, darlin’.” He pulled away to remove his boots and then led you down the hallway to your bedroom. You felt excitement bubbling within you when you realized what was about to happen. Once inside, you removed your heels and turned to face Joel. His eyes were glued onto you, dark and filled with lust. He leaned in and pressed his lips against yours, one hand on your hip as he backed you towards the edge of your bed. 

When you fell back onto the bed, you tugged Joel down with you. He hiked up your dress enough for you to spread your legs and he settled between them, his bulge firmly pressed against your core. You whimpered against his lips and rolled your hips to feel more of him, to feel the friction run through your body as your center throbbed. You needed him badly. 

Joel moved his lips from yours to your jawline, gently nipping and peppering kisses along the way. You shut your head, tilting your head to expose more of your skin for him. He took this invitation and smiled against you, moving his lips to your neck. The stubble of his beard lightly scratched against you and you moved your hands to the front of his shirt, beginning to unbutton it as Joel’s hips rolled against yours. 

“Joel,” you moaned quietly, feeling his hands run along your sides and up to the straps of your dress. 

He pulled back to look down at you, toying with the straps. “Can I take this off?” 

You nodded and Joel lifted you slightly to pull down the zipper. Once it was undone, you pulled the dress off your body and tossed it aside. You looked up at him and bit your lower lip, seeing his eyes darken immediately at the sight of you wearing a matching black lace bra and thong. 

“Fuck,” he whispered huskily. 

All these years and Joel still looked at you like you were the most beautiful person he had ever seen. You always hated the way you and your body looked, always nitpicking certain areas that you just weren’t proud of, but Joel… The admiration in his eyes made you feel comfortable in your own skin and it gave you a certain sense of confidence that you never thought you would ever feel. 

“Joel,” you said softly. You pushed his shirt off his shoulders and watched him toss it carelessly aside. You looked him over and took note of his broad frame, muscles flexing as he moved to rest his hands at either side of you on the bed. Slowly, you ran your fingertips up along his midsection to his chest, biting your lower lip at the muscles underneath your fingertips. “I’ve been missing out on this?” 

Joel chuckled and leaned down to peck your lips. “Could say the same thing, darlin’.” He ran one hand down along your side, taking note of your body leaning into his touch. He smiled to himself and leaned down to press his lips across your jawline, gently nipping as he reached behind you to unhook your bra. You felt the material loosen around your frame and you removed it from your body, tossing it to the side as Joel pushed his hips into your own. The thin material of your thong and the rough fabric of his jeans was enough for you to elicit a quiet whimper. You needed him and it couldn’t happen any faster. 

His lips moved along your jawline down to your neck, one hand moving to cover your breast. Instantly, your breath hitched in your throat and you felt him begin to massage and knead your breast into the pit of his palm. As he began lowering himself down your body, he latched his lips onto your unattended breast, his lips wrapping around your nipple. Your body arched into him, hands moving to his hair as the sensations that Joel was giving you spread through every inch of your body. 

“Joel!” you moaned, feeling his tongue flick against your erected nipple. You could feel him grin against your skin and you looked down to see him staring up at you, eyes darkened with lust. 

“You’re so fuckin’ beautiful,” he mumbled. Slowly, Joel pulled away from you and then moved his hands to the waistband of your thong. Hooking his thumbs in the fabric, he slowly pulled it away from your body and down your legs. He wasted no time before he stood up to remove his jeans and boxers, too eager to finally be inside of you. 

You licked your lips at the sight of him, his manhood standing erect and leaking at the tip. You watched as his eyes looked at your now exposed body, reaching out for his hand to pull him back down between your legs.

“Condom?” he asked. 

You nodded and reached into your nightstand to grab one, handing it to him instantly. You sat up to wrap your arms around his neck, pressing your lips against his as Joel growled against you. You felt his tip brush against you repeatedly, catching your opening before he had to pull away to slide the condom onto his length once he ripped it open. 

“Joel, please,” you whispered. “I can’t wait anymore.” 

Joel smirked and grasped his length, sliding his tip into your opening slowly. “I love you,” he said, lowering you back onto your back and pressing his chest against yours. His body felt heavy against yours, but it felt nice. It made you feel safe and as he slowly pushed further into you, his manhood stretched you from the inside. Your walls tightened around him with every inch he slid into you, but once he was finally at the hilt, you had to wrap your legs around his waist, arms moving to wrap around his shoulders.

Joel buried his face against the side of your neck as he slowly moved his hips in and out of you. Your walls slid along his length in a tight vice, milking him as he continued to thrust into you. It took every ounce of him not to slam into you and make this rough and quick because he wanted your first time with him to be intimate and slow. He pulled back enough to look down at you, forehead resting against yours as his quiet grunts filtered the room and mixed in with your moans. 

“Joel,” you moaned, fingertips slightly digging into the skin at his shoulders. “It feels so good…” 

Joel smiled and gently pecked your lips, his hands moving to grip your hips as he began to pick up the pace. He knew he couldn’t last as long as he wanted because not only did you feel amazing, but the way you were looking at him and the sounds you were making was pushing him closer and closer to the edge. 

Your eyes locked with Joel’s, feeling him slam into you repeatedly. You felt yourself slowly reach your high; the amount of love you felt for this man and the feeling of pleasure that surged through your vein helped push you over the edge. Your walls tightened around his length and your eyes had fallen shut, body slightly trembling. 

“Joel!” 

Joel didn’t falter; he kept thrusting into you to help you ride out your climax but as he continued his movements, he felt himself getting closer and closer to release. When you opened your eyes, he heard you whisper a faint I love you and that pushed him over the edge. His hips stuttered and he filled you to the hilt as he let out his release. He hadn’t ever felt like this before. As he rode out his own climax, Joel had to pull away to remove the condom and toss it into the nearby trash. 

Without hesitation, he laid back down onto your bed and pulled you into his arms. Joel felt like he could stay like this forever, with you, and it gave him hope for the future. 

As long as you were by his side, he was happy. Content. Safe. 

“I love you,” he whispered, leaning down to press a soft kiss on your forehead. 

“I love you too, cowboy.” 

Joel felt his heart skip a beat and his arms tightened even further around you. “I ain’t ever gonna get tired of hearing you say that.” 

“Good,” you smiled. “Because I’m gonna say it a lot.” 

“It’s always been you, darlin’. I ain’t ever letting you go.” 

“You promise?” 

Joel nodded. “I promise, darlin’.” 

You smiled to yourself and let out a quiet yawn, burying your face against the side of his neck. Your arm draped over his midsection and felt yourself slowly begin to drift to sleep. “I can’t wait to wake up next to you.” 

Joel looked down at you, eyes filled with love and admiration. “Maybe I’ll surprise you with coffee in bed.” 

You giggled. “If I wake up and you’re making me coffee in my coffee shop, I think that’d be the best thing ever.”

“You deserve the world,” Joel said softly. 

“You do too,” you whispered. “I love you, Joel.”

He sighed contentedly and pecked your lips. “I love you, darlin’. G’night.” 

You didn’t respond and slowly fell further and further to sleep. Joel watched you for a few minutes longer and smiled, kissing your forehead lightly.“M’gonna marry you one day, darlin’. I promise.”

—

prev.

—

[journish]

It's almost 5 in the morning, but I just finished the first chapter of a Petrigrof fanfiction I've been chewing on for a hot minute. I haven't written fanfic since I was in high school. These two just bring something out of me I guess. I still need to edit it, and I want to drop a few chapters at a time, but let me share a little teaser here if you want the vibe. Warning that things get very sappy and a little bit steamy.

“You should close your eyes.” Betty whispered coyly.

“I don’t want to. I’m afraid I’m going to wake up and you’ll be gone again.” Simon responded.

“I don’t want to either. I don’t want to miss out on another second with you.” Betty cooed.

Simon scooted closer to Betty, and wrapped his arm around her waist. She fluttered at the familiar weight and warmth of the man against her. She, too, remembered how long it had been since she’d felt this kind of touch, and her body responded accordingly. She brought herself up to kiss her fiancé once more. This time, things escalated more quickly. Simon initiated the tongue-kissing, and they allowed themselves more fervor, enjoying the taste of their mouths intermingling. It was as if steam were coming from them with every catch of their breath. Betty’s legs rustled beneath the sheets as her body protested in arousal. Simon’s body was becoming needy as well, and a spreading wetness became apparent in the pajamas of both.

“Oh, Betty…” Simon sighed her name in between kisses as she panted, catching her breath.

“Simon…” she replied, lingering as the ‘n’ of his name became a long moan and her mouth crashed into his once again. Her hands traveled from his chest down to the waist of his pants where she discovered his arousal, causing him to gasp and jolt away. Simon’s eyes snapped shut, and he shook.

“Simon, are you okay?” Betty fretted over her lover’s response.

“I don’t know… I’m sorry.” Simon trembled “It’s just been so long, I don’t know if I can…” he trailed off, not even completely sure what he meant. His nerves had officially gotten the better of him and he felt foolish and impotent. The two of them had once enjoyed a vibrant and healthy sex life, but it was hard to reconcile that fact when he felt this much like a pent-up virgin. Obviously, his body was remembering exactly what it was meant to do, but his mind had not caught up. He was cowering in the face of finally coming to hold what he had dreamt about for as long as he could recall, and the pressure of wanting to create something perfect and memorable had become too much to bear. 

“It’s okay, it’s really okay, my love. We don’t have to decide what we want right now, just like you said.” She gave him a firm peck on the lips. Betty had not gone into the room with expectations of her own, and was ready to only go as far as her shaken lover was prepared for. She herself was antsy about all the firsts they would get to redo in this new life they’d been given. Betty loved the idea of getting to know him all over again, rewriting a love story she thought had been lost forever, but she was not one to rush into it. She wanted it to be perfect, too.  “We have all the time in the world. Whenever you’re ready again, just say the word and I’m yours.”

Simon heard her tender reassurance and his eyes became hot with tears, “Betty…” he whimpered. He pulled her close to him again, his cheek against her hair, and small sobs began to surface. He thought that he’d done all his crying when he first saw her again, but the immense relief and comfort that she was alive and in his arms once again was still deep enough to push the tears from his eyes. Betty too, began to cry in his wake. She pressed her cheek to his chest and grabbed onto the back of his pajama shirt with tight fists. They clung to each other with the desperation of frightened animals, and they intended never to let go."

so YEAH, it's going to eventually get smutty, but we're lingering in the fluff right now. Please let me know if you like this and want more, I have a LOT of ideas, so I really hope to keep this momentum going. Anyway I'm going to bed.

[elejah-verse]

elejah_au

_time travel fanfic_

_another part.

*

New York, 1988

"It was one of those things- jazz music became my outlet. I loved playing the piano. You brought that refreshing feeling back into my life." Elijah said, folding the tie neatly up. "I don't remember when I've actually enjoyed spending a day indulging in simple human activity like having ice-cream in a Diner."

Elena's heart filled with gladness. The day was a whirlwind of most unusual moments. She saw a completely different side to the Original. The specks of humanity in him burst out like cherry blossoms in the spring.

She never really had the chance to get know him in her real time. He'd left Mystic Falls to get entangled in his brother's illusory redemption dream.

Before you leave you need to put this poyion in his drink. He'll forget about you. We can't change the future.

Vallerie's words chimed in Elena's head. She sighed inwardly. It would be like you never met.

"Are you all right?" Elijah said.

"What?"

"You seemed to have travelled somewhere far away for a moment there. Drink?"

"Yeah, thanks." Elena shot up from the sofa, walking to the window. She soaked in the glittering skyline in front of her. Whatever was to come, at this very moment, she only cared that she was with him.

"There you go" Elijah handed her the Bourbon.

Elena took a sip and glanced at the Original. "I'd like to go to France with you if the offer still stands."

"It does." Elijah curled up a tiny smile.

Elena's face flushed for an unexplained reason, the nearness of him made her heart race suddenly wildly.

She knew that he'd be listening to it. And she was not wrong.

The air hitched in her throat as she met a flicker of serious wanton in his warm earthy eyes.

"I'd love to steal a kiss." he murmured.

Elena couldn't believe what he was hearing. A very strange feeling of déjà vu hit her. She gave him an arch look, swallowing hard.

"Sorry- I don't know what came over me" Elijah put the glass on the tall pedestal stand.

Wordlessly, Elena put her glass away and walked over to him, taking his face in her hands and kissed him.

Surprise stole air from his lungs. His undead heart skipped a beat, a palpable pause reverberated right through him. The feel of her lips sending his mind in a sensual state of intoxication.

His hand glid around her back, pulling her flush against him. Elena felt a sudden surge of heat enveloping her. A silent moan faded in her throat as he deepened the kiss.

And when his tongue tangled up with hers, she quivered a little under another gust of heat. She wrapped her arms around his neck to steady herself.

She dreamt of this, in the most secret of hearts. Not a kiss stolen, but wanting, needing.

She closed her eyes, feeling Elijah's lips on the back of her neck, feeling his fingers tracing the length of her spine. She felt herself being lifted, gentle hands turning her, and stroking her all over. She arched into him. Him kissing a line up to her neck. A soft moan escaped her, trembling beneath his mouth. There was no gravity any longer. They were floating in the air. 

*

Elena snapped her eyes open. She exhaled, realizing quickly that she was in the empty lounge of the New York penthouse.

A very painful hollow feeling squeezed her heart. She was back in 2035. Bonnie and Valerie burst into the room.

[lives-in-midgard]

First Easter Together

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x reader

Summary: Reader, Wanda and the boys celebrate their first easter together and have a lot of fun.

Word Count: 1,3k

A/N: Hey everyone! Happy easter to everyone who celebrates! Hope you enjoy! Thank you @romanoffshouse for making this cute moodboard for me!

Masterlist

It was a really stressful day at work and you were very happy to finally go to bed and rest. You and Wanda said goodnight to Billy and Tommy and then went into your shared bedroom. You changed into your pajama and cuddled up to Wanda.

“Detka?” Wanda whispered.

“Yes, babe.”

“You know in two weeks is easter.” You nodded and looked up to her.

“And I thought we could celebrate it with the boys, only if you want of course.”

“Of course, I want to, that’s such a good idea, Wands.” You said and she began to smile. It will be your first easter together and you’re so excited about it.

“That makes me so happy because I want them to celebrate it like me and Pietro did, I want them to have fun and always remember how much their family loves them.” Wanda told and you could see how much she misses Pietro.

“Oh Wands, I promise they will have such a fun day.”

Easter Morning

“Babe” You heard Wanda whisper beside you.

“You need to wake up.” She continued and tried to wake you.

“Just five more minutes, please.” You groaned and turned around to the other side. For you it was way to early to wake up but Wanda wanted to stand up earlier to hide the presents for the kids outside, then she wanted to make breakfast so that when they come into the kitchen everything is ready.

“Okay fine but then we really have to go and start to prepare everything.” Five minutes later Wanda started to cover you with kisses to wake you.

“You need to wake me everyday like this.”

“Maybe I’ll do it.” You began to blush.

“Now let’s go I want to have everything ready when the boys wake up.” Wanda said and you started your morning routine. After 15 minutes you were both in the kitchen. You carried all the gifts for the boys outside and began to hide them. At first in some easier places but then you decided to hide them somewhere difficult. You hid some chocolate, painted eggs and a new Mario-kart wii game. Which was your idea to buy because you loved playing it as a child and would like to play it with the boys.

After you hid everything outside you went inside and Wanda started to make breakfast while you decorated the table. You turned on your favorite playlist on your phone and started to sing along. When you were finished you helped Wanda. You were nearly finished with the breakfast when you heard footsteps coming down the stairs.

Wanda turned around “Good morning boys.”

“Good morning.” They said at the same time and looked so excited.

“Can we go outside now?” Tommy shyly asks.

“Let’s eat breakfast first and then we can go outside.” Wanda said and smiled at them.

“Okay, mama.” You all sat down to eat something together. Billy sat next to you and sometimes you could see him look up to you and you smiled at him. After breakfast you put on your shoes and a vest and went outside. Billy and Tommy began to search for the little presents and were so excited when they found something. When you looked to Wanda you could see how happy it made her to see the boys having so much fun and it immediately brought a smile to your face. She finally has a happy life with a family, that’s all she has ever dreamt of and wished for. Wanda and you are so grateful to have you each other.

“Everything okay, my love?” You asked Wanda.

“Yeah, everything is okay. I’m just so happy to be here with you.” She said and made you smile.

“Me too” you said and walked up to her and leaned in to kiss Wanda. She brushed a hair behind your ear and gave you a soft kiss.

After a while Billy and Tommy came up to you and Wanda “Have we found everything?” Billy asked and looked at you.

“Hmm I think there is still something missing.” You said and looked at Wanda who nodded. The boys walked away and started to search again.

A few minutes later Tommy ran up to you with Billy behind him “Mama this is so cool.” Tommy said while showing the new wii game they got.

“Can we play it later” he blurted out.

“Of course, we can.” Wanda softly said and made her son smile. Until it began to rain you played some games outside and had a lot of fun.

When you went inside Tommy said, “Can we play Mario-Kart now?”

“Sure.” Wanda said and you walked to the couch and sat down. The boys in the middle, Wanda on Tommy’s left and you on Billy’s right. Billy put the game in and pushed play while Tommy gave you and Wanda the console.

“Can I play in a team with you?” Billy asked you when he sat down beside you.

“Sure buddy.” You smiled at him and when you looked over at Wanda you could also see her smile.

“Oh, Tommy then we are probably going to lose because y/n is very good at that game.”

Tommy looked over to you “Is this true?”

“No, I’m not that good” You chuckled.

“Are you sure with that?” Wanda asked you.

“Let’s start playing and we’ll see.” You said and heard Wanda chuckle. Tommy started the game and you all chose a character and started the first round. You and Billy won the first round, you had the feeling that Wanda was looking at you. So, you looked over and saw her smiling and you smiled back at her. The next round started and your team was winning again when Billy turned to you.

“Wow you’re so good at that game mom.” He said and your heart skipped a beat. Billy called you mom. You had to look over to Wanda to make sure you didn’t mishear anything and saw her nodding at you. Your smile began to grow and you looked to Billy.

“I think you’re right Billy.” Billy smiled at you.

“Can I play with you now?” Tommy asked and made you and Wanda chuckle. You played for a few more rounds and then Wanda and you started to make dinner while the boys went into their rooms. While you were cooking you turned around to Wanda who was cutting the pepper.

“Wands?” She turned around and looked at you with a smile.

“Billy called me mom.” You had a big smile on your face and a tear ran down your cheeks. It means so much to you that he said that and you can’t believe that Billy really said it.

“I know detka and it makes me so happy. “Wanda made her way to you and pulled you into a big warm hug. You pulled away from the hug and made dinner ready. When the dinner was ready you decorated the table while Wanda went to the boys and told them to come for dinner. After dinner the boys went into their room while you and Wanda cleaned everything up. When everything was cleaned up, you went upstairs into Billy and Tommy’s room to say good night to them. Wanda walked up to them and gave both a kiss on the forehead while you stood by the doorstep.

“Good night boys” Wanda said when she was standing beside you.

“Good night, mama “

“Good night.” You spoke.

“Good night mom.” You heard them both say with a big smile. You were so happy and you knew Wanda was, too. Wanda and you went to bed and cuddled up in each other’s arms. Wanda gave you a soft forehead kiss and whispered a quiet “I love you” into your ears. A few minutes later you fell asleep and had the best dream.

[stargirlie25]

Lets talk elucien. People love to stay that elucien are not mates because lucien can not hear her heart as she says she can hear his. They say that since azriel was dying the cauldron gave elain lucien instead of azriel and azriel is the one who hears Elains heart. Im snoring.

“But then she snapped your neck." Tears rolled down his face. "And I felt you die," he whispered. Tears were sliding down my own cheeks. "And this beautiful, wonderful thing that had come into my life, this gift from the Cauldron... It was gone." - Rhysand”

Feyre litteraly died and the cauldron did not give rhys a new mate.

Not to mention cassian was also heavily injured yet him and nesta remained mates. I also would like to state that rhys dreamt of feyre before they met and as did feyre of him. The mating bond was something you are born with. Feyre always loved the night sky and painted it and cassian before nesta was born had walked by death his whole life. We dont have any symbolism of elucien before meeting eachother but it could be the fact the she was always full of light even in dark times and so was lucien (he was trying to look at the brighter side in UTM) or that luciens real dad was apart of the day court. Or in their books we will get a more clear indication.

On to the heart beating.

Elains focus when she was a child was flowers and to travel the world. She didnt know/believe in the hidden world or the wall let alone mates and the feeling of it. Like nesta, i doubt she was interested.

After Elain was turned into high fae she was taken under safety along with Nesta in Rhysand's court in the house of wind. We all know that Elains state after that was horrible. She wouldnt leave her room and she would barely eat. Do you guys think rhysand or anyone else really came in and started to talk about the terms of mates? No. Hell no. Which leads me to my question for yall. How did elain know it was lucien? She specifically said , I can hear your heart. Do you seriously think she was that educated of fae that she knew it was the mating bond when you could hear ones heart?

NO!

👏 SHE👏 KNEW👏IT👏WAS👏LUCIEN👏

NOT TO MENTION! When lucien first visited her after hybern she asked , Who are you? And lucien thoughts said that she knew exactly who he was without being told so? How? Do you think someone barged in and told Elain all about lucien during that time? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Anyways elucien endgame.

[queen-of-prophecy]

Vine drinks. She drinks so deeply that even the recent resupply of wine might not handle her this eve. She doses her cups with drops of powerful extracts, and it stirs her heart in angry turns. There will be monsters to face this eve, as there will every night, but she's seen the outcome. Sent back to darkness, or turned to blood.

She drinks with abandon and speaks without an audience.

"Heaven...." She murmurs. "I can't help but hate how stupid I was when I was an angel. Easily impressed by every new word and thing. Happy to spend hours writing in God's Book, of just learning like a giddy little schoolgirl. All but one eye bright as day, and impressionable to boot."

The swig is heavy and the wine drips down her chin.

"But I hungered all the same. I wanted to know more. I had questions, burning questions. And when I tried to ask them, I was told I could not know it. And when I asked why, I was disregarded. Told to keep to my duties. I wasn't even angry at them for telling me so, I was just so confused. What harm could knowledge bring? And yet no matter what they said, I hungered for more. I wanted to know everything, from what keeps things on Earth from flying off into the heavens, and why angels could not be told the meaning of death and evil."

"....."

"....then Lucifer came."

"He had ideas so wild that even trying to put them into words made my head spin. I was dazzled. A man who's dreams escaped simpler means of thinking. The ways the elders wanted me to think. I dreamt for the first time in years, mimicking falling asleep until I succeeded. I dreamt of a world where I knew everything there was to know, and was amazed by all the facets of knowledge opened up to me. I woke and thought-....this is it! Lucifer can make dreams like this real!"

The bottle in her hand nearly slips. Then the fingers tighten into a death grip.

"Then came the apple. And the Book. And everything after. And I saw everything and knew everything, and it was nothing but agony."

She raises the bottle to her lips and drinks until it's empty before throwing it into the abyss. It falls for so long, she can't even hear it shatter.

"That was then. But then we came to Hell, and I thought, now...now things will be different. We'll make the world Lucifer dreamed of. A good one, a better one. My visions sought to tell me otherwise, but I tried so long to replicate the dreams Lucifer had."

"And what?!?"

"None of it happened. Heaven's hierarchy became our own, but inverted. And worse. All my fellow angels turned to greater means of subjugation rather than pursuing the freedoms Lucifer promised. They stand atop their ivory towers and within the confines of their gilded cages because that's as far as their chains will allow. And what's worse is I ended up joining in. Hells only know how many souls I put beneath my heel for power and pleasure. Now the eternal Goetia sell their children, and seek to perpetuate their own importance and wealth, rather than trying to make any dreams come true. Tangible or intangible. They have ceased to dream entirely as I can tell."

Vine's hands reach for the bottles but they're clumsy. Weak. They're not the same miraculous hands Lucifer gave her long ago. He had spared her the agony of losing them entirely, but there were new chains to adjust to.

"......"

".....ever since I Fell, life has tried harder and harder to cage me in. I had to build my own prison just to determine the amount of space I get. And dearest Luci-"

The wine surges fresh pain and agony in her chest. It removes her inhibitions, and thus everything that restrains her from thinking badly of her king rushes all over. Vine shudders and slides down the wall of her room. The trappings of an evil witch, confined to darkness.

"God....what happened to you Luci? You loved everything and everyone. You were always Joy. Always."

"......"

".......I wonder if I was ever anything but a passing interest to you. You should have rejected my friendship if that was the case."

"No one likes to be passed over. No one likes to be left behind."

"You should know."

The night in Heresy drags on long. And before the stroke of twelve, when the old year passes and the new year begins, the Ring of Heresy echoes with the cries of monstrous beasts, laid low in battle.

[nuntia]

I would really love to see Papa II's letter to his departed love in your performance... You do it so delightfully...

Secondo, having been retired for a long time, writes another letter to his beloved, with whom he spent quite a long period of his life. But, she left him and this world before he did. And he will never send this letter, again. But it's okay, it's okay, Secondo is already old, and the new Papa is coping well with his duties. They will be together again.

Wait for me

His Eminente Papa Emeritus II & Sibling of Sin (reader)

Preface: Papa Secondo loved. Loved madly, even when all he had left was nostalgia and the eagerness to one day see again who had taken his heart.

[SECRETS FROM THE CLERGY]

His Eminence had a lover with whom he shared decades of his life in a relationship of mutual respect, support and admiration. Fate was not kind, however, and the letters that never left his bedroom were the only ways he expressed his feelings for this late love.

It was also in the chaotic mess of the Ministry's refurbishments that I found this letter coming from His Eminence Papa Secondo II's bedroom. Fortunately, I found this before everything is packed into crates that will be stored in the basement of the abbey!

Get the tissues.

----

My dear, eternal love,

I'm writing to you once again because I feel that only you can help me. Remind me: on what day did I see Reina stand up in front of me? I ask you because that day never leaves my mind: it was on that day that I knew for sure that my love for you was destined to last forever, she told me so herself: "You have a love like mine..." ¹

I don't remember the day because there's something that occupies my ability to go back far enough in time for the exact numbers: to have a love like hers. At the time, I thought her words referred to a fiery, resilient, against-the-rules, persistent and true love like the one she had with il Re ² in life, which only proved to be more honest and mad after death and two hearts in bloody fists.

However, she knew something I didn't and couldn't know until the day that consumes all my sleep, that took part of me so far away that the life I lead sometimes no longer makes sense.

You left me without warning. You left this world without your lovely and irreplaceable presence, without the knowledge that they would be the last words, the last look, the last touch.

The worst part of all this, mistress of my heart, body, mind and soul, is the memory of the moment I felt my chest tighten when I let you go from my arms.

You smiled at me, squeezed my biceps through the sleeves of my shirt, gave my lips a kiss that tore into another wide smile as you said you loved me with the movement of your lips so close to mine, and pulled away. An inexplicable anguish seized my chest, flooded my eyes with tears.

You looked at me again with that beautiful smile of yours and I just wanted to cry.

When you stepped back to pick up your suitcase, your features so delicate and smooth in their movement, I felt the urge to hug you once more.

I didn't, because goodbyes had already happened dozens of times and this would be just one more. I had work to be done as a cardinal, and so did you. But if you only knew how much I regret not holding you and never letting go...

I'm not a king to make you queen. Nor am I His Majesty Papa Emeritus to make you Most Reverend Prime Mover of Emeritus II. And I'm no longer His Eminence Papa Emeritus II—a title we dreamt of together, but you never even got to see me ascend—to keep your name in the Dark Masses as a whisper amongst everyone.

And nobody will know about this letter, like so many others, which will be so well guarded that only when this imposing stone crumbles will they be unveiled.

Perhaps it's just as well. Our love remains between us, between those who saw us love, those who heard us love and the confidences of black ink letters smeared in tears and blood.

"You will love for no long time," said the Queen. But she also said that I had a love like hers. Her love will last until eternity. And so will ours.

I'm old. My brother has taken on the Papacy with devotion and dedication, winning hearts all over the world, raising our name to important appointments in the world of music.

Soon I'll be with you again, my love. I'll meet you with open arms. Embrace you, ravish you with my lips and merge us into one. I'll listen to everything you have to tell me, what have taken you from me; and then I'll tell you my life, but in time, we'll have a whole eternity to ourselves.

Wait for me, please. Wait for me. Wait for me. I'm on my way.

Whose heart, body and soul you have,

Second Emeritus

— Letter dated February 2018, written by His Eminence Papa Emeritus II to a Sibling of Sin

° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° °

¹ Part of a Journal from around 80's/90's. You can find it in here

² Ignez de Castro, allegedly the birth name of Her Majesty Zombie Queen, was mistress of the Portuguese king D. Pedro I. They secretly got married in 1554. You can read more about it in here

I apologize for the delay in responding to the request, life has been busy.

I do not have much information about the Sibling of Sin Papa wrote to, Years passed and the only thing known is that they had an admirable romance until the 90s, when tragedy struck and Sibling never returned to His Eminence's arms.

He was also never open about talking about the loss. Little is known about the melancholy that led him to leave Emeritus Abbey for a few months. I think it was through the letters that he expressed his true feelings, but these were never sent nor, apparently, read by anyone.

One thing is certain that now His Eminence and his beloved are together once again. May they have the love they desire.

May the Lord Below guide you into the night,

Nuntia

[ruminate88]

Feeling ugly after being brutally discarded: I feel so small

12/10/24 love bombed, objectified, betrayed

This older lady, I’ve known all my life, not gonna share her name. She’s an awesome, awesome lady, but one day I was running a brush through my hair and she saw me and she just stared at me and I looked at her and she said, “ You are so beautiful, brushing your beautiful hair” 😭😭😭😭😭😭

I was so uncomfortable because of the way I’ve been objectified so many times by men, especially by people that I loved so much that made me feel so stupid . I’ve lost so much weight without trying and everybody has been talking about it and asking me what’s wrong and why am I losing weight and they all wanna know and people tell me I’m too skinny and how that’s so bad but it wasn’t even my fault. 😔 You know, it’s not like I did this to myself on purpose. I acknowledge that I was completely unaware of toxic relationships and emotional abuse!! I trusted my exes and gave them all of me that I could even when they’re giving me nothing but pain!!

So far in this healing journey, it is mental and spiritual, but there is a physical side to it as well. I know the physical side probably won’t get better until the mental does, and the mental is dependent on the spiritual as well. It all works together, body soul and mind !!

I don’t hate my exes. I’m just disappointed at how they can brutally discard me 💔 I’m so disposable to them when they were extremely special to me… Starting with my ex Cody, oh my gosh, the way I felt for him hurts me so much. I can’t put into words how painful it was when he ghosted me and he’ll never care about me ❤️‍🩹 I’ve had to let that go and I’ve had to accept that he does not care …. the way he treated me when he love bombed me wow. I’ll never forget it. 😭

Then to spend a year with my ex Andrew after to think I’m falling in love with him, yet after I break up with him, he says that he pretended all his feelings the whole time to lead me on, and he already had a new girlfriend that he was posting all over Instagram 💀💀💀 and he never posted me on his Instagram once !!! plus he took her to the place that I thought he would take me one day 💔 and that sucks. I just felt incredibly stupid and embarrassed by him…. I wasn’t special to Andrew or Cody at all. I’ve had to face that all year and it’s been sooooo painful.

I know there is people that loves and cares about me but it’s just so hard anymore to believe it. Alsooooo, there is a man in my past named Jake that I’ve not wanted to write about as much because I don’t feel safe to write about him yet, but I dreamt about him last night and I never really wanted to be his girlfriend although we flirted a lot, but he was always a part of my life … he was basically a big bully to me, but also there was times I thought he was my good friend too, so that’s confusing and that’s just how it is with these men. They say one thing and then turn around and say another too and you never know how they really feel about you. 🤨😝 You can’t trust them ever. They make you feel delusional about everything. They’re basically gaslighting you. ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 They’re jealous and intimidated by you so they mentally and emotionally abuse you to make themselves feel better. Fudge … I loved them better than I loved myself. They never deserved it, my love was free but they scoffed at my love and thats THERE PROBLEM, not mine… I don’t regret them but I have to admit how they’ve impacted my self worth and opinions of myself. I have to accept what they’ve done and forgive ❤️‍🩹 (doesn’t seem I can ever forget tho)

[traditional-with-a-twist]

lxxiv. Beauty and Her Beast

<<Previous || first arc || second arc || third arc || fourth arc || AO3 || Next>>

Obi woke to the scent of herbs and mossy earth.

He inhaled, drinking it in: spice…and flowers. Something silken brushed his cheek.

He opened his eyes to a rosy halo, like the sun at dawn.

“Ah…” Obi sighed. “Miss.”

...

His lips curved unconsciously as he looked into her face. “I thought I dreamt you.”

Now the dawn was sweeping across her cheeks, and he loved to see her blush. This was too good, even for a dream.

She spoke now; he heard her say his name in her own voice – “Obi!” — and her confusion was pretty to see.

“Obi, you’re awake!”

“It seems so, miss.”

“But…” She looked down at the bottle she held. “I gave you enough for eight hours…” A frown creased her forehead, and that was lovely, too.

...

Every look, every sound, every shape — he loved it all. Too much, Obi remembered, as his consciousness slowly won out over the traces of drug still swimming in his system. 

The hazy glow was fading; imperfectly suppressed pain had returned to intrude upon him.

It sharpened his mind and reminded him of the realities awaiting.

He hated to give her cause for distress, mar her sweet looks, but better now than prolong and delay it.

...

Obi levered himself upright for an exaggerated stretch, surreptitiously testing the range of his movement.

He swallowed a wince.

Above the waist, it left much to be desired, but his legs would support him, he figured.

...

Shirayuki was caught between scandalized and outraged, but he switched on a wide smile to head her off.

“Not to worry, miss, I’m nearly good as new here,” he said heartily. “Save your medicines – I’ll go as I am.”

This announcement floored her; he could see her blinking as she tried to process it.

Seizing his opportunity, Obi made to swing his legs clear of the bed.

...

He had miscalculated, however; Shirayuki never lacked decision in professional matters.

Her hand shot out, catching his good arm.

“No, Obi,” she told him firmly. “It’s too soon for you to get up. Your body needs more time.”

He gave her his drollest grin. “Really, miss, I’m a medical marvel. You wouldn’t believe how fast my–-” 

He stopped. 

There were tears pooling in her eyes.

...

He had said something, gone too far; he didn’t know how to fix it, so he froze and waited.

“D-don’t leave, Obi,” she gulped. “Please. I was wrong to let you go before.”

The words came spilling out of her — everything she had been longing to tell him since the day she had gone in search of him.

Her hand slid down his arm until she reached his fingers, and then she clung to him, raising his hand to her lips as she had on the night of their wedding.

...

“Please,” she whispered around his fingers. “Stay with me, Obi. I—I love you.”

Something in her lifted as she declared it to him.

Hope lightened her heart, along with the giddiness of suspense, but more than that, she felt the gladness of truth.

At last she knew her own heart, and at long last she had spoken it.

...

Now it was Obi’s turn to sit transfixed.

Her words rushed over him like the surf, washing away everything he had thought he knew and leaving blank sand behind.

Don’t go — she had asked that of him before.

Stay with me — yes, for that, he had pledged his life to hers.

Love, though — he knew of her compassion, her affection, her laughter, her forgiveness for him…but her love?

...

Though he could not have known it, Obi looked as lost and vulnerable in that moment as a new lamb.

Touched to her core, Shirayuki released his hand and reached out to cradle his face between her palms.

His lashes drifted down at her touch then up again as he gazed at her with such tender need that she longed to answer it.

...

“I love you,” Shirayuki said again, and she kissed him, joining their lips as she wished that their lives might be.

A tremor swept through Obi; she leaned back to smile at him.

“I thought,” she offered tentatively, “we might go somewhere new together. We don’t have to stay in Clarines — we can start on a path of our own.”

...

She traced along his temple and the edge of his cheek with her thumb as she spoke, soothing him – but also caressing, for she found she enjoyed touching him and didn’t want to stop.

As her fingertips trailed down the line of his jaw, Obi said slowly, “You mean that.”

She nodded.

His eyes lit. He caught her around the waist with his good arm, dragging her against him.

 Shirayuki cried out for his bandages, his healing, but the warning was lost as his mouth found hers and he kissed her hard.

...

Obi held Shirayuki to him with all his strength, heedless of his muscles’ protest.

A dizzy thought had seized him: that there was nothing between them any longer and no reason to hold himself back from her. 

It flooded him with the exhilaration of leaping from a cliff, and he would never let her go, never – except–

...

Shirayuki had made a sound, low in her throat, muffled by his embrace, and Obi remembered himself.

She was so slight — he was crushing her —

He broke away, stammering apologies. “Sorry! Sorry, miss! Did I…hurt you?”

...

Shirayuki raised her face to his, and her eyes crinkled.

She was smiling — no, laughing — and she gave no answer but to pull him in for another kiss.

Obi’s head spun as she pressed closer, fitting herself to him. He was drinking her in when she drew back, holding him at bay with a fingertip.

“Obi?” she whispered, still close enough that he felt her breath on his skin.

He swallowed hard, trying to concentrate. “Yes, miss?”

...

Shirayuki tilted her head; he could feel her smile against his ear.

“Obi,” she said, low and soft. “I’m not a ‘miss’ anymore.”

He shuddered and caught her in his good arm, wishing with all his might that he could use both.

They were tangling together; he was dropping kisses down the curve of her shoulder, but as his fingers splayed against her side, something gave him pause.

...

Panting, Obi leaned back. Something was different — she had changed shape.

Shirayuki understood the question in his look and smiled. She laid her hand over his, guiding both to rest on the gentle rounding over her stomach.

“Missus,” Obi whispered. “You… you’re…?”

She nodded, her green eyes deep and luminous. 

...

Obi’s face is unreadable as he looks down at their hands. “This…is mine?”

...

Shirayuki starts to laugh again, and tears spill over, sparkling on her cheeks.

Obi’s lips move as if they are remembering how to smile. His whole world has been turned inside out, and now it is upside down, but there is one thing he knows:

“No. No, this is ours.”

He turns his palm up to hers, and their fingers intertwine.

Resting their clasped hands over the precious new life, Obi holds his wife and child close.

This time, he is not letting go.

[undressmewithyoureyes]

Let There Be Light - Forty Five

**Ghosts POV**

               After loading back up in the helo, we all made our way to the closest military base here in Germany. Berlin. I had been here several times and always loved the smell of the smoked bratwurst in the kitchen but wasn’t homey enough to call home or stay here fully. The helo needed to be refueled and checked over before heading to Switzerland. Basic protocol.

               We all decided it was best to get out, stretch our legs, grab bite to each and relax before heading off again. Switzerland was only a little over an hour from our base from the helo, but Michaels house was pushing another thirty minutes to a place I couldn’t pronounce.

               “Everyone get as much rest as you can within in the next twenty-four hours,” Price yelled out from the deafening sound of the other helicopters. “Were going to drop in a day ahead of time so we can watch for any movement and hopefully bring Harley back. From my understanding, she isn’t leaving his sight.”

               We all nod in unison, and everyone splits up going their own direction. “You think she’ll be there LT?” Soap asks me tagging along.

               “I hope so Johnny. I feel like I’m going insane with each day that passes.” He knew it. He could see it behind my eyes.  

               “I know it LT. Shit, I’m right there with you,” he tells me.

               My body was on edge and my thoughts were spilling all over the place. I couldn’t focus and the last thing I wanted to do was sit here at this fucking base for twenty-four hours wasting time. I could get a lot done in twelve hours – yet alone a whole fucking day. I hated it.

               The night felt like it was going by slower than ever and when I finally dozed off, Soap woke me up to tell me that Price wanted to see all of us. Of course, I was annoyed hoping that I could sleep away the time and be ready to leave when I woke up.

               I get to my feet and head outside. The sunrise in Berlin was always one that anyone should see at least once in their life and luckily, I slept most of the night away. Price, Gaz and Rudy were standing by our Helo – along with our pilot. Nobody cared enough to ask him his name because we all knew he would never be another Nik.

               “Good news. Bad news,” Price said as Soap and I walked up.

               I let out an aggravated sigh, “Fucking hell. What now?”

               Price ashes out his cigar before answering, “Michael and his men have already arrived and gone,” he says to me. “But,” he adds as he sees the look in my eyes. “They left two men there.”

               “And how do we know this?” I ask as I clench my teeth.

               “Laswell flew a drone over the house last night and seen a few SUVs pull up. Facial recognition spotted Michael,” Price tells me, calming me down. “He’s got a lot of Shadows with him.”

               “Probably knowing that were coming and he wants all the help he can get,” Gaz says as a smirk plays over his face.

               “He’ll do everything in his power to keep her from us Simon,” Price tells me. His eyes not leaving mine.

               “Even power has to come an end sometimes Captain,” Soap says speaking up. Price looks at him and nods in approval. Soap was right. Power does have to come to an end. It cant last forever.

               “We’ll load up at seventeen hundred,” Price says eyeing all of us making sure we understood. We all nod and break away yet again.

               I go back to the place I was at before and shut my eyes. All I wanted to do was sleep because when I slept, I dreamt of her. It was the closest I could get to her without feeling alone. I hated waking up, but trying to find her gave me a hope I thought I would never have. I shut my eyes as the darkness took over me and her face soon filled my mind.

---------------------

               Price woke me up out of my heavenly sleep. He was squatted down – looking at me eye level.

               “Rise and shine son,” he says to me in his rumbling Brit voice. “Soap has you a few protein bars and a few bottles of water on the helo. We need to head out now.”

               The urgency in his voice sent alarms through me. I spring to my feet and jog to the helo – right behind Price. The blades on top pushing the air against me. The helo door was open, and the pilot started lifting off the ground as we approached.

               “What’s the bloody rush?!” I yell out as I barely made it in and look at my watch. Sixteen Hundred.

               “Laswell said the two people at the house are about to leave within the hour and no one knows where they are going,” Gaz replies.

               I nod my head and take my seat next to Soap. He hands me two protein bars and a bottle of water. I hadn’t even thought about eating until I seen the food in Soaps hand. My stomach growled loudly as I took the bars. I lifted my mask above my nose and quickly ate them – washing them down with a full bottle of water – then covering my face again.

               I look over and give Soap a nod – thanking him for looking out for me. I lean my head back against the wall of the helicopter and stare at the ceiling.

               “You alright Lieutenant” Gaz asks me.

               I slowly lift my head up, all our bodies shaking a bit from the rumble of the helo, “Always.” It was a lie.

               “Were going to find her Ghost,” Rudy says to me. The small smile on his face gave me some sort of hope, but he was still in the shitter with me for not making sure Harley was armed and not letting us know someone took her gun.

               The time flew by on the way to Michael’s house in Switzerland. Gaz, Price and Rudy joked back and forth while Soap and I just sat there in silence. Sometimes no words say more than the words themselves.

               “So, uh, what’s the deal between you three?” Gaz asks hesitantly looking at Soap and me.

               I stare back at Gaz while I can see Soap jerk his head towards me, “Worry about yourself Garrick,” I say back as a warning. Price chuckled to himself as Gaz cleared his throat to ease himself.

               The helo landed in a secluded area Laswell had told us about and we all hopped out – guns drawn. The house was a single-story stone home. Perfect for a family – which made me want to obliterate all his men since he took my family from me.

               “Same as before gentleman,” Price says turning to face all of us. “I need Gaz and Rudy overlooking and killing anyone that tries to escape or enter without us knowing about it. Ghost, Soap and I will head into the house. Hopefully,” he lets out a deep sigh, “Hopefully we get a lead.”

               Gaz and Rudy took their positions overlooking the house, while Price, Soap and I headed towards the house. The leaves rustled under our boots as the twigs gave a slight snap walking through the woods. Laswell was in our ears as well giving us an update of any movement that was happening outside the house – so far, none.

               Two men. Two lousy men that we didn’t know if they would be armed and dangerous or a set up that were hostages that Michael used as bait to lure us here. Now was the time to not let your guard down. Just as before, Price would enter through the back. Soap and I would go in through the front. Interrogate and then execute. Simple.

               Price nodded to us when we reached the point where he was going to break off – leaving Soap and I moving towards the front of the house.

               “At the back door. All clear,” Price said in my earpiece.

               There was a big picture window to the right front of the house as Soap and I made our way around the corner to the front of the property.

               “Not showing any movement inside,” I reply through the coms as I eyed inside from the side of the window. The house was oddly too quiet, and I just knew deep down we were too late.

               I quickly bolt past the window and to the front door – Soap close behind me. This time, I stood left to the door, and he took point to the right.

               “Ready?” Soap says in his coms.

               I give a nod, “Ready Sergeant,” Price replies. Soap quietly twists the door handle and its locked. “Door is locked. Were going to have to bust through.”

               Silence.

               “Back door is unlocked. Let me sweep the main part of the house and I’ll make my way to you both,” Price finally responds.

               “Roger that Captain.”

               Price had been in the field longer than us and for someone who talked so ruggedly and heavy, he was the lightest on his feet – with me coming in right behind him. We were like phantoms in the night.

               A few minutes pass and the lock to the front door clicks, and the door eases open. Price is standing there with his gun drawn.

               “Floor is clear, but there’s a door over there cracked that leads downstairs,” he tells us. Soap and I have our guns drawn and ready – giving Price a nod as Soap takes point. I was behind Soap and Price behind me – our footsteps light.

               Soap slowly removes one of his hands from his gun and gently opens the cracked door – not wanting to risk it creaking or there be a trip wire attached that would blow this place up. A faint light illuminated the steps that lead to the mysterious room below as my eyes scanned for any movement.

               I nodded to Soap, and he reciprocated back as I now took the lead. Price followed while Soap was now last making sure no one else was coming down. The wooden stairs creaked as my foot applied pressure to the center of the board. Faint voices could be heard talking and I thank whatever God was listening that they didn’t hear me. I carefully place my foot on the next step, but I place it towards the end of the board where the main support is underneath. Silence.

               I crouch my body just a tad as I can start to see the layout of the basement. The two men that Laswell informed us about were here packing several bags.

               “Pourquoi Michael nous laisse-t-il toujours avec le travail de merde [Why does Michael always leave us with the shitty work]?” One of the men says.

               Fuck. They’re French. The only word I could recognize was ‘Michael’.

               “Je ne sais pas, mais cette merde vieillit [I don’t know, but this shit is getting old],” the other man replied.

               I take another step and thankfully they haven’t seen us yet. My gun is drawn and held tight against my shoulder as my red dot is centered with the first one who spoke head. I wait until Price and Soap head down and get on the concrete floor before speaking.

               “Get the fuck down!” I yell out. The two men jerk around and their faces draining of color.

               “C'est lui! [Its him!]” the second man yelled.

               “You speak English?” Soap asked as he stepped toward them with his gun aimed right at their heads.

               They both shook their heads fast.

               “Where is Michael?” I asked before Price could. We needed to speed this fiasco up.

               “W-we don’t know,” one of the men said. He was scared shitless and looked as if he hadn’t even held a gun before. Definitely wasn’t a threat. He wore a blue buttoned-down polo, khaki pants and a pair of loafers. His hair was a mousy brown color and the gold eyeglasses on his face just said ‘doucebag’.

               “Where can I find him?” I ask as my tone was low. I take a few steps toward the two men, and they instinctively take a step back.

               “He’s not a man that can be found Monsieur [sir]. He finds you,” the other man said. This man seemed a little ballsier. No doubt he was a gambler and was well at it. The floral shirt with the white pants told me he was well off and a higher up than the man beside him.

               “So, who the fuck are you two?” Price asks as he steps closer to all of us.

               “We are his bankers,” the blue polo man said.

               Soap looks over at me with a shit grin on his face. “Is that right?” I tease. I look down at their bags and see they are bagging up laptops. Perfect.

               “Its no use,” the floral shirt man said. “You cant get in without his print.”

               “Ferme ta gueule! [Shut the fuck up!],” the other man whispered loudly.

               I take a step towards the both of them, “These are coming with us,” I say as I sling my rifle over my shoulder and grab one of the bags. Soap walks over and grabs the other two. We both turn to walk away as the man in the floral polo shouts at us.

               “He’ll kill you!”. The balls this mother fucker had.

               “I’d like to see him try,” I threaten back. I reach down with my free hand, pull my pistol and shoot the man in the floral shirt between his eyes. His body immediately dropping.

               Price looks over to me, “He was too chatty,” I say to him with humor in my voice.

               “No! Please! I have a family at home!” the other man pleads as he gets on his knees. I carefully set the bag with the laptops down as I slowly walked over to him. With my height, mask, demeanor and slow walk, it was like the Grim Reaper coming to take your soul.

               “And Michael took mine away from me,” I say as I stand in front of him. Before the man could protest of beg for his life anymore than he already had, I press the barrel of my gun to the man’s forehead and squeeze the trigger. The gunshot was deafening even to our ears with the muffs on – thanks to this small basement.

               I watched as the mans life vanished from his eyes and his body slumped to meet his friends. “That one chatty too?” Price jokes out.

               I turn my head towards him, “His voice was annoying.”

               Soap snorts as I walk back over and pick up the bag. “Grab anything we can that would have Michael fingerprints on it,” Price tells us. He walks over to the two men, checking their pockets – taking their phones and wallets.

               We headed back upstairs and grabbed a few guns, some scotch glasses that were in the cabinet, most of the liquor and head out – locking the door back like it previously was. I don’t know what it was, but something just felt right. It felt like we were on the right track and for once, my heart soared as it seemed like it would be any day and she would be right back in my arms.

               We link back up with Rudy and Gaz and head back to the helicopter. The pilot started the helo as we all boarded up, gently placing all the household items in a secured box. The last thing we wanted was this shit to break and ruin everything – and its not like we could go back to Germany to that house. I burned that mother fucker down.

               The helo took off and made its way back to the base in Germany. From there, we would have to take an aircraft back to Alejandros base in Mexico to sort all this shit out. For once, I couldn’t wait to get in the briefing room to see where this motherfucker was hiding. They were close. I could feel it.

Four Months Later

               Four months. Four agonizing months. Four months of dead ends and four months of wasting my fucking time. We swept every damn house he owned doing the same plan. Infill, interrogate, kill everyone and each time, we ended up with a dead end.

               The briefing room now had multiple holes in the wall – the size of my fists. Dozens of chairs broke and countless sleepless nights. This man was fucking invisible – giving us just enough of a bread trail and then cleaning up his mess. It was exhausting and we were all tired.

               “Another dead END!” Price yells as he throws the remote to the projector against the wall. It breaking off into tiny plastic pieces. “We’ve checked every fucking property this man owns. It doesn’t make any sense!”

               “What if it’s a property that in the dark?” Gaz asks him.

               “Then we are wasting our fucking time,” Price says lowly. I jerk my head up to him as his eyes meet mine. “Think about it Simon! How the fuck can we find someone who doesn’t exist!” I swallow the lump in my throat. He was right, but I wasn’t ready to give up.

               The room fell silent as I knew what everyone was thinking – ‘let’s throw in the towel’. We all were drained, but I would walk across this fucking world if that meant Harley LeAnne Traywick could be in my fucking arms again.

               “Theres one place we haven’t checked,” Soap says breaking the silence. All eyes were on him. “The place where it all started.”

               My eyes scan over Soap and then the room as my mind went to work. “Her parents house,” Price said aloud – not talking to anyone in general.

               “Where is that?” Laswell asks as her fingers dart over the keyboard to her laptop.

               Price takes out a cigar from his vest and lights it before answering, “In the States. Libby, Montana. Private property surrounded by mountains, streams and land for miles.”

               “You’ve been there Captain?” Gaz asks him.

               “Once. It was when we first started working with Traywick. I met Harley’s father for a brief discussion. She nor her mother was there,” Price answers as he blows out a puff of smoke.

               Laswell’s fingers danced over the keyboard as we all waited for her to say something. “Got it,” she says excitedly. “A few large transactions were transferred over the last few months to a black account in the States.” Laswell sits straight up as her eyes widen at her computer screen. “In Libby, Montana.”

               “When was the last transaction?” I ask as I stand to my feet. My whole body felt light as a feather, but my knees wanted to buckle.

               “Today,” she answered me.

               I felt the tears in my eyes as I knew this was it. She was there and we were going to go get her.

               “We leave in three hours. Load up with as much shit as you need and remember,” Price pauses. “Show no mercy.”

               Everyone rushes out of the room to load up their gear as I take my seat again. I sit on the edge and rest my elbows on my knees as my head rests in my hands. All of this. All of this torture. All of the dead ends were coming to an end.

               I’m coming Harley.

[rey-jake-therapist]

Sandoctober 2023

Day 18: Change

Title: Dream a little dream of us

Characters: Nuala the Fairy, Johanna Constantine and Hob Gadling

One-shot fic inspired with the prompt proposed by @orionsangel86 🖤

Tagging @nualaofthefaerie because I spent an awful time fearing I didn't write her in character and would love to hear your opinion. I chose Haley Bennett to represent Nuala because you said she gave you Nuala vibes :) Also there are some things I wrote that I would have surely omitted to mention if you hadn't written about it before... The Ice Maiden mention is one of them 🖤

And @writing-for-life because you seemed interested 🖤

Disclaimer: this fic and its summary contain major spoilers from the comics!

It all started with an idea: Johanna, Hob and Nuala walk into a bar after Morpheus' death...

For the needs of the story and to simplify things, Johanna replaces Thessaly so she did pretty much the same thing as Thessaly in TKO, but for a much better reason. I'm NOT trying to make up excuses for the witch through Johanna, they're too distinct characters. Johanna's not selfish, she's also not a TERF, in my headcanon she actually dated Wanda at some point and mourned her as much as Barbie did. SHE'S NOTHING LIKE THESSALY, PERIOD.

Morpheus dated both Johanna and Hob at different times :)

SUMMARY In the wake of Morpheus’ death, Johanna Constantine, Hob Gadling meet in a dream at the Green Dragon Tavern, where Nuala the Fairy works. They discuss the influence that Morpheus had on their lives and the love they had for him, as well as their remorses. Despite being unable to change himself, he changed them, mostly for the best. Written as a contribution to Sandtober2023. RATING: general audiences PAIRINGS: references to past Morphanna, Dreamling, Sandflower and beginning of... Nualanna? (Johanna/Nuala) TW: several mentions of a major character's death (Morpheus) STATUS: complete LINK AO3

Johanna Constantine was the first to arrive. She had no clue why she'd ended up in New York, being a Londoner, with no recollection of being summoned for a demon situation overseas. However, the moment she walked into the Green Dragon Pub, she sensed she wouldn't be alone for long. Much to her surprise, the pub was deserted, save for her and the bartender, a lovely brown-haired woman cheerily humming as she polished a glass behind the tall wooden bar.

Approaching the bar with a friendly greeting, Johanna couldn't help but notice the glass the bartender was drying was so spotless literal sparkles emanated from the glass, like something out of a cartoon. In any other place, she might have been taken aback, but she simply assumed the bartender had a knack for cleaning and ordered a bourbon. To her amazement, a bottle seemed to materialize in the bartender's hand, and she couldn't help but smile.

Just then, the creaky door swung open, revealing a man who appeared just as perplexed as Johanna had been when she first entered the Green Dragon Pub. A faint grin played on the bartender's lips as she poured Johanna's bourbon and mumbled, "Ah, I was beginning to wonder when you'd show up."

"I didn't expect to be awaited, but I can't say I'm surprised," the man, who Johanna found rather handsome despite not being her usual type, casually joined her at the bar, gesturing to her glass. "I'll take the same, if you please."

The bartender smirked this time and snapped her fingers to give the man's glass a magical fill of the amber liquid. He raised an eyebrow but made no comment.

Johanna suddenly noticed the girl's pointed ears and exclaimed, "Wow! You're an Elf, aren't you? I always dreamt I'd meet one, never thought I would!"

"I am indeed an Elf," the charming bartender confirmed with a slight smile, "We've actually met before; you even gave me this," she continued, displaying the crystal pendant hanging from her neck. "But it's no surprise you don't recognize me now. We're in a shared dream, and Hob never met me even though we shared another dream recently. People here often call me Nuala the Fairy, but please, just call me Nuala," she added, extending her hand.

"Nuala, Nuala... that name does sound familiar," Johanna replied. "I'm Johanna Constantine, a demon hunter, but you can call me Jo. You already know that, I assume." Johanna shook Nuala's hand, finding it as soft and warm as Nuala's smile. She couldn't help but notice once again how strikingly beautiful her dream friend was. It struck her with a pang of longing that Nuala reminded her of Rachel, the woman who had lost her sanity and life because of her.

The man shook both women's hands and introduced himself with a strong British accent. "Nice to meet you both. I'm Hob Gadling, I mean Rob! Wait… Just call me Hob. What can I say about myself? I'm nothing special."

"You may be human, but you're also immortal! I'd say that makes you pretty special," Nuala wisely pointed out.

Hob began to ask how Nuala knew about his immortality but stopped mid-sentence when he saw Nuala's lips curl into a mischievous smirk. He and Johanna exchanged knowing glances, realizing that questioning Nuala was futile.

Johanna took another generous sip of bourbon and grumbled, "A Faery Elf, an immortal, two Brits in an empty pub in Boston... Of course, it couldn't be real. Oh well, it's still better than my usual nightmares, I suppose."

"Dreams are quite real," Nuala gently corrected. "Just because we're not in the Waking World doesn't mean the moments we live here aren't real. But I sense you already understand that."

"Yeah, and no offense, but you sound a bit too much like a guy I used to know. Correction: an anthropomorphic personification of a man I used to know. Whatever. He's gone. I sort of... killed him," Johanna mumbled.

"I know you believe you did, but rest assured that you didn't kill him any more than I did," Nuala responded, her smile fading as sadness overtook her. Hob, who had been quietly listening to the conversation, appeared almost on the verge of tears as he added,

"Or more than I did."

Bewildered, Johanna looked at her two companions. "So, this is about him, huh? We're all here because of Morpheus! At first, I thought I was the one dreaming of you two, but it seems we're all sharing the same dream at the same time, aren't we? But why?" She asked Nuala abruptly. The faerie simply shrugged.

"Not long after he passed away, I had a dream where I saw him. Morpheus," Hob chimed in. "You know, it took this guy more than six hundred years to finally give me one of his names. I heard he had plenty. Anyway, I thought it was just a dream, but now I'm beginning to think he's the one who's playing tricks on me and on you. For some reason, he wants us to meet."

"He's dead," Johanna stated coldly. "I remember. I was at his funeral, met his exes, and we talked about him. It's all very bizarre." She took another sip of her bourbon, which was quickly mirrored by Hob.

"The three of us were indeed at his funeral; we just didn't have the chance to meet until now, which is rather curious, come to think of it. But Dream is an Endless, he can't truly die. Morpheus may be gone, but he was just one facet of Dream... Lady Johanna," Nuala explained, a hint of sadness in her smile. The way Nuala addressed her triggered a sudden realization in Johanna.

"God, I recognize you, Nuala! Of course! You lived in the castle, and you even cleaned my room. I remember giving you my pendant because you were so kind to me. I'm delighted to see you again!" Johanna exclaimed.

"I'm glad you girls are reunited, but it still doesn't answer why I'm in this dream. I don't know either of you. What's the purpose of all this?" Hob inquired, growing a bit impatient.

"Should there always be an explanation for our dreams? I thought it was quite the opposite," Nuala wisely observed. "I don't think we're here for a specific reason, except perhaps to remember Morpheus one last time," she suggested.

"What a condescending prick he was," Johanna groaned before downing the rest of her drink in one go. She stared at the wall behind Nuala, her brown eyes brimming with profound sadness.

Nuala couldn't help but giggle. After leaving Faerie with nowhere to go, she had wandered for weeks until her lonely footsteps led her to the Mundane world of humans. It took time to adjust to a world devoid of magic, but she grew fond of its strange inhabitants and, in the case of humans like Johanna, their brutal honesty.

"It's not wrong," Hob admitted with an amused tone. "He was cold, distant, and often rude, but I still enjoyed his occasional visits. Before he passed, we saw each other more frequently, and we even... shared a moment after he found me at the White Horse."

"You can say you fucked him, Hob. Nobody's going to judge you," Johanna quipped.

"At least one of us might be jealous," Nuala whispered with a faded smile.

"Yeah, I get that," Hob chuckled. "For a while, I thought maybe we were meant to be more than friends. I seriously considered it. But he was so reclusive! I found out he had a son at his funeral, for God's sake. In the end, it didn't work out for me. Long story short, we didn't want the same things. It's a shame, because he was the only one with whom I could share six hundred years of personal history, and I still miss him for that. All the people I loved… They all died without knowing who I really was. My girlfriend, Gwen... She's fantastic, fabulous even. I don't know how I still find it in me to fall in love with people who I know will die eventually," he chuckled briefly, then his face become serious as he whispered, "Maybe I should tell her. Tell her everything. She won't believe me, nobody ever does, and she'll hate me after she knows what I did for sure, but she deserves to know the truth, I know. Morpheus was the only one who knew, and now he's gone as well. Maybe I should tell her..."

Johanna, who had been listening attentively, nodded and shared, "After Morpheus got his sand back, I didn't think I'd ever see him again." As she spoke, vivid memories of a rainy London night flashed before her eyes – the intensity of his blue stare, his otherworldly beauty, and the unsettling feeling that he could see right through her soul. She realized, though it was unclear how, that Nuala and Hob perceived those memories with the same clarity. A bit flustered, she continued, "I hate to admit it, but my attraction to him was immediate and all-encompassing, and I knew he felt the same. He told me I would stop having nightmares, and he kept his promise. When he visited me one night, I thought he wanted another service and told him, 'Screw you! Leave me alone, let me sleep!' But he came back the following night, saying he just wanted to talk." She sighed and continued, "'Turned out we had a lot more in common than I thought. He knew that, it’s why he came to me. He was used to giving orders, but he knew that wouldn't fly with me. His natural authority was quite arousing, but I wasn't afraid of him, and I spoke my mind. He liked that about me. We were both stubborn and passionate, and the moment he touched me, I felt he would fucking ruin my life and I would do the same to his, but that didn't stop us."

Nuala confessed, "I never got to know him as intimately as you did, and I wish I had. Hearing your story, I think I understand a dream I had shortly after he passed away better. I had just left Faery with nothing but my regrets and no idea of what to do next. I felt incredibly lonely. Morpheus appeared to me and said that in different circumstances, we might have been very happy together, but he had nothing left to offer me, and one day, I would be thankful he never considered me in that way. I woke up thinking it was just a dream and that I was fooling myself, but now I realize it might not have been just a dream. It was really him, right?" She looked inquisitively at her new friends, hoping they might have an answer, but they were all equally uncertain.

"Maybe it was him... maybe it was a dream sent to us by the new Dream, who knows. He appeared one last time in my dreams and said he didn't hold a grudge for what I did, but there's no way it was real," Johanna responded with a hint of bitterness. "You know what Joan Crawford said about love? 'Love is a fire. But whether it's going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.' And she sure knew what she was talking about! I still don't think it was really love that I felt for Morpheus. For a moment, it seemed logical for us to be together, but that's because we both messed up everything good in our lives and disappointed everyone who cared for us. Of course, it wasn't that clear in my head at the time. I was so confused about everything then.

"I remember, when I was in Rachel's apartment the last time I saw her, I hallucinated her... She was alive, just as beautiful and vibrant as she was in my memories, and she had been told that I was a selfish, ruthless coward who ruined everything I touched. It was painful to hear, but it was also the truth, you know? It was my hallucination, but it was caused by his stupid sand. Now that I'm here, I can't shake the feeling that this whole conversation was as much about him as it was about me. Does that make any sense?" Johanna questioned.

"Yes, it does," Nuala and Hob replied simultaneously.

"Morpheus didn't think he was worthy of love because he failed his son," Nuala murmured, overwhelmed by a wave of emotions. "Deep down, I believe he never forgave himself for abandoning Orpheus when he needed him most. Then he had to end Orpheus's life with his own hands. How do you ever recover from that?"

Johanna nodded, her voice carrying a heavy burden of guilt. "I've never forgiven myself for losing Astra, even if it's not something I would admit outside of a dream. Astra wasn't my daughter, but I was like a mother to her. She trusted me to protect her, and she died, and it was all my fault. I didn't pull the trigger, but it felt as if I had. It still does... Morpheus merely made the nightmares go away. For a while, I had this small glimmer of hope that maybe we could heal together, but it was barely a band aid. After a while, when I looked at him, it was like staring into a mirror, and I didn't like what I saw. He probably felt the same! That's why I waited for hours for him to come, eyes wide open, but he was too busy working or so he said... My exes would say he made me taste my own medicine," she let out a wry chuckle and confessed, "they wouldn't be wrong."

"I didn't know the entire story of Morpheus and Orpheus when I was brought into the Dreaming by my brother - who hadn't bothered to warn me I was Titania's gift and might never return to Faery," Nuala began. "I had no opinion on the King of Dreams because I didn't know him at all. There were whispers that he had an affair with Titania eons ago and that he was very cold and distant in his speech. But I had no interest in gossip back then; I simply lived my life... I was known as the Ice Maiden. I was considered one of the most beautiful fairies at the Seelie court, can you believe that?"

"I absolutely can! The more I look at you, the more I regret that we're in a dream. If it were real life, I'd be asking for your number because you are incredibly beautiful," Johanna admitted, taking a deep breath, her gaze dropping down to Nuala's lips. The fae blushed and giggled, her charm only growing stronger in Johanna's eyes.

"Beauty in Faery is so crucial that for a long time, I was convinced that when Morpheus removed my glamor, he had made me ugly. It took me a while to realize what a tremendous favor he had actually done for me. I was finally allowed to reveal my true self completely. It's not that I wasn't truly the Ice Maiden; I will always be the Ice Maiden. But in Faery, that's the only role I could play. No one cared to know the real me, Nuala. I understand why you say that Morpheus wasn't always a good person, and I'm not saying these words aren't true, but it's not how I want to remember him. He was always considerate with me, never asking anything of me, even though he had every right to, given that I was gifted to him. Before I left his realm, he granted me a boon and told me I could use it to summon him whenever I wished. He kept his word, even though it put him and the Dreaming in great danger. I wanted to help him, but…”

Nuala paused to wipe away a few tears from her eyes and continued, 

"I don't think anyone could have helped him at that point. I confronted him, told him he wanted to be punished for what he did to his son, and he didn't even attempt to deny it."

Hob muttered, "I can't believe I'll never see him again. He was the only constant in my life, you know? I could be honest with him about what I was and the life I led. He saw me at my worst and still," Hob paused, chuckled, and went on, "put up with me! Knowing him... it changed me, and not just because he and his sister, Death, made me an immortal. He opened my eyes to some of my wrongdoings. I know I owe him years of terrible nightmares, but I'm grateful he did that because, in doing so, he made me a better person, I hope! Not that there's anything I could do to cleanse my conscience and receive absolution for all the suffering I caused out of greed. But at least I stopped seeing people solely for what they could do for me."

Hob's eyes welled up with tears, and he couldn't hold them back any longer. "He helped me see through my bullshit, but when it was time to help him, I failed him. He visited me shortly after Audrey's death, probably because he needed a friend to talk to. But what did I do? I made it all about me, about my grief! I asked him to... something impossible, I was delusional! When I realized he was in profound pain too, it was too late. At first, I thought maybe I had hurt him by talking about a woman I loved, but when I attended his funeral, I understood. It was so much deeper than that! Maybe I could have helped him find another way out, maybe I could have prevented his death! But I made it all about myself because I'm a selfish jerk... always have been..." Unable to finish his sentence, Hob broke down in tears.

"When I heard he was in trouble, I used the boon he had given me to call him. I foolishly thought I could help, but what could a little elf like me have done? He told me it wasn't a good time, but I insisted, so he left the Dreaming to visit me. Later on, I hated myself for being so selfish then. I wanted him to run away with me. I even asked him to love me in return as a boon!" Nuala swallowed hard and shook her head. "If I hadn't called him, maybe he would have had more time to resolve things with The Kindly Ones without having to die to protect his realm... Lucienne kept telling me it wasn't my fault, and I know she's right, but deep inside, there's always this voice whispering, 'it's your fault, Nuala, your fault...'." She, too, began to cry and covered her face with her hands.

"Oh shut up, you two... None of you are to blame. If anyone must shoulder the blame, it's me! Don't you understand? I'm the one The Kindly Ones called upon to protect Lyta from Morpheus. They told me she was in danger because she had requested them to kill him. They said he had taken her son away from her, and that her son was dead because of him. This poor woman was desperate and had nearly lost her mind. I couldn't let him harm her! I know what it's like to lose a child you care about, and I was angry at Morpheus because he knew it too, yet had done all these things to her! I had the power to protect her, to place her in a magic circle so he couldn't touch her, and so I did it," Johanna confessed. 

Her hands gripping the wooden bar, she continued, tears still held back, 

"I can't deny I was still bitter about the way our affair had ended, and I wanted to hurt him. When he came for Lyta, I said a ton of hurtful things that I now regret. I refused to give the woman to him, so he left after an empty conversation. Apparently, he had been informed that this meeting would take place, likely by his brother Destiny. I had no idea things were that dire. I swear to God that if I had known he had no other way to get out of this mess, I wouldn't have helped Lyta, or I would have tried to make a different deal with The Kindly Ones, I don't know!" As she spoke, Johanna's emotions finally overwhelmed her, and her tears flowed freely.

Nuala stepped out from behind the bar and embraced Johanna, both women still sobbing uncontrollably. Hob joined them, wrapping his arms around them. In a tender embrace, they let it all out. No more words were spoken, just the three of them, crying together. If it had been the Waking World, and if someone had entered the Green Dragon Pub at that moment, they would have assumed a catastrophe had occurred. But it was a dream, a very realistic one, and it was a relief to finally mourn the man they had all loved in their own unique ways and to release all the repressed emotions. They were three different people dreaming at the same time, yet their minds and hearts were connected as they shared the same dream. The pain was real, but it felt good to share it with people who felt the same loss. Morpheus had changed them all. When they’d awoke, they would have to navigate through their lives, finding their way through the darkness that shadowed their paths. Maybe they would try to find each other in the Waking World. But for now, and until the dream ended, they were together, and that was all that mattered.

There was nothing any of them could have done to prevent Morpheus's death, and they all knew it. Morpheus had embraced his sister Death when she had come to take him. He had sought a way out, but he didn't believe he could change. He wanted his realm and his subjects to remain safe, but they wouldn't be as long as he was alive because he saw no redemption for himself, or so he believed.

At his funeral, they had witnessed his lifeless body transform into a shining star. Maybe he will shine above us for the rest of time, guiding our steps. Or maybe he will finally get to become… Something else. 

I know you have a little life in you yet I know you have a lot of strength left I know you have a little life in you yet I know you have a lot of strength left I should be crying but I just can't let it show I should be hoping but I can't stop thinking Of all the things I should've said That I never said All the things we should've done Though we never did All the things I should've given But I didn't Oh, darling, make it go Make it go away Give me these moments back Give them back to me Give me that little kiss Give me your hand I know you have a little life in you yet I know you have a lot of strength left I know you have a little life in you yet I know you have a lot of strength left I should be crying but I just can't let it show I should be hoping but I can't stop thinking Of all the things we should've said That we never said All the things we should've done Though we never did All the things that you needed from me All the things that you wanted for me All the things that I should've given But I didn't Oh, darling, make it go away Just make it go away now Kate Bush - This Woman's Work