#; this was very self indulgent but woops! this is for me anyways!

[kckuhaku]

⊰ diary entries ⊱ // @seaturtlesclimbtrees 14. entry made featuring mention of their parents.

2XXX.09.23 : est. one year ago

today was the first time i had my parents come over to my new apartment - officially since i've properly moved in, that is. sure they helped me move in but it was different as it was still a new place for me. now that i've settled in and can consider this place my new home i thought it'd be nice to invite them back for dinner. it was a nice change of pace from my own attempt of cooking - nothing really beats mom's.

i thought it'd... be more tense? i always unintentionally butt heads with dad but he was kind of quiet today. i did make sure to choose a wine he'd like - it seemed he really liked it as well.

pasted on the adjacent page is the cropped label of the wine, and a printed polaroid of madeleine's parents sat at her small dining table signed with today's date. her father has a glass of wine in one hand with his arm around her mother as she leans into him - they pose happily for the picture.

mom already made dinner, brought extra food for me to have for the next few weeks, and brought another gift. she gave me a frame with our recent family portrait - already in a frame. i've put it on the table by my door, they'd be the last thing i see on my way out, and the first when i come back in. it's like they'd never left - or, i never left, i guess.

i remember being so excited to get out of the house - not that i ever hated them (although overprotectiveness from dad is annoying - i catch glimpses of him at work which is more than enough), but being able to have my own autonomy and own place was a phase of life i was looking forward to. i've clearly made this new place my own home now, am doing well at my job, every day is a new challenge that i enjoy - but.

while i helped get the dinner table ready last night, mom finishing heating the food while dad went on and on about how great the wine choice was - there was a sense of nostalgia, i guess. i didn't think i'd miss them that much - nor realize, that they've also gotten so much older. there's more visible creases in their skin, white peppering their hairs respectively, mom not being able to carry some heavier casseroles - i don't know.

it's a weird feeling i'm trying to get out while writing this entry.

i know they're on their own now too with dijon out for college - maybe they're a bit lonely too. they should be retiring soon as well, maybe i should visit more often, or just have them over more. it's a weird feeling, realizing your parents are getting older. they've never nagged about... future partners of mine - which i appreciate. the idea of romance gets me exhausted - but i know a part of them wishes they'd have more extended family - and sometimes i wish i could be able to offer that to them as well.

i've butt heads with them a lot - but the more i write, and the longer i look at this picture of them, maybe i should reach out to them more. maybe i'll ask mom if we can make family dinners a repetitive thing.

i'll probably regret this entry the next time i run into dad at work.

[fangirleaconmigo]

I really have to remember to qualify these ‘Canon or Fanon’ posts. I worry that new people will come across them and get the wrong idea.

So, just to clarify. When I get an ask about whether something is book canon and I say “that is not book canon” I am in no way saying “it is incorrect”.

FOR EXAMPLE, my last post was about how, in the books, unlike in common fanon, Jaskier does not have to sneak along on hunts, because he is loud and demanding and of course Geralt wants him there anyway.

AND YET my first fic ever literally started with Geralt locking Jaskier in their room because he didn’t want him to come on a hunt that was too dangerous. Lol.

In fact, in the interest of full disclosure, so you do not think you are talking to the fun police, yours truly has literally written all of the following wildly self indulgent fic tropes:

Amnesiac Geralt confessing love

Geralt courting an oblivious Jaskier who is like…these are nice herbs what could they mean

Geralt orchestrating a one bed situation

Virgin Geralt because *oops, witchers are given potions to suppress sex drive* until WOOPS ONE NIGHT THEY FAIL

Geralt having panic attacks when he becomes a parent and assuming he’s been cursed and that maybe he’s like ALLERGIC to Ciri’s power and he visits a witcher specialist at Oxenfurt to ask wtf is happening to him

Geralt drunkenly confessing love

Lonely trucker Geralt hears Jaskier’s voice on the radio

One where Jaskier just up and asks “have you ever bottomed” and he’s actually being very helpful. (Tho tbh I maintain that is in character if anyone who wrote canon had any sense)

VAMPIRE WITCHERS WHO WANT TO EAT STREET URCHIN JASKIER BUT FEEL BAD FOR HIM SO THEY BASICALLY ADOPT HIM AS A PET

Bedroll sharing on a cold night called WINTER IS CUMMING 😂😂😂 😂😂😂

So pls pls never mistake me saying “that’s not book canon” as “that’s not fucking awesome” because that is not at all what I mean.

This blog is the place where I lovingly cuddle canon, then I put it on a table in a lab and I say, “sit right there sweetie”, then I light a blowtorch and go…hmmm I wonder what would happen if I did THIS????

[imma-fucking-nerd]

Goodmorning

(Connor x PlusSized!Reader)

A/N: Yes this is absolutely self-indulgent, let me live my life. Also I didnt know what to to title it so yee

——————————————

It was still dark when you came into work at the DPD that Monday morning and all you wanted to do was go back to sleep for 12 more hours. But alas, you had work. You weren't a detective or an officer or someone that went out in the field at all really.  Basically a secretary of sort, taking care of files of cases and such. How you weren't replaced by an android by now you had no idea, but you were grateful. Well, at least now you were.

You used to hate working at the DPD. Why? One reason. Gavin fucking Reed. The insufferable prick seemed to make it his goddamn life mission to make you as miserable as possible. Specifically targeting your weight. How original. It didn't really make you feel that bad, okay that was a lie. But it was more annoying than anything. You were so close to just quiting when a certain android appeared at the desk across from Hanks.

When you first saw him you were intrigued to say the least. He was.....drop dead gorgeous. And when he looked at you with those perfect brown eyes you were smitten. You were also extremely embarrassed that he had just caught you gawking at him and with a nervous laugh you waved at him before hastily getting back to work. Little did you know that Connor hadn't looked away, and was extremely confused as to why your round cheeks were rising in temperature.

Ever since then your little crush on the android detective just kept growing the more you interacted with him. In that time you also grew closer to Hank, you realized that he was actually really cool. And also definitely knew about your 'little' crush. Of course, you didn't know he knew. You thought you were being so slick, but in Hanks words you were being "really fucking obvious." Thankfully Connor didn't put the pieces together.

You knew that he'd never feel the same about you, even if he could feel that way towards anyone. Why would he pick you of all people? You weren't exactly the prettiest, or the smartest, and you couldn't kick ass to save your ass. But hey, you could dream right?

Despite that you always held a tiny piece of hope. A tiny piece that only kept growing as you noticed how he himself was slowly becoming the very thing he was meant to hunt. And when he finally became a full on deviant? You were beyond happy, and so so proud.

You smiled to yourself as you made your way over to your desk as you recalled the day he and Hank came to you with the news. It was the day after you saw your little Connor on tv leading an army of Cyberlife androids he 'woke up'. The first thing you did was bring him in for a bone-crushing hug, gushing about how proud you were. You almost kissed him right then and there but you had to force yourself away from him with a little awkward laugh.

"Good morning (Y/n)," Connor's voice tore you away from your thoughts.

"Morning Cony," you greeted him with a smile.

Glancing over to Hanks desk and, unsurprisingly, not seeing him there you chucked a bit to yourself.

"It seems that Hank couldn't be bothered to come to work on time like the rest of us. Again."

When you didn't get a response from Connor you looked back to him staring at you intently, his LED blinking yellow. You rose a brow and couldn't help but smirk slightly, knowing exactly what he was doing.

"I just got here and your already scanning me, hmm?" you asked amused.

He blinked a couple of times and his LED returned to its passive blue. The lightest shade of blue tinting his cheeks, seemingly in embarrassment.

"My apologies, (Y/n). But I noticed that your low in dopamine. Have you eaten breakfast?" He inquired, tilting his head adorably as he always did.

"Uhhh yep. Had a bowl of cereal," you lied.

You didn't really ever eat breakfast. Not because of your whole overweight thing, but because you just never really got hungry early in the morning. You could already hear Gavin's dumb voice fiegning shock. But surprise surprise, just cuz you're overweight doesn't mean you're constantly stuffing your face. You only do that at night.

Connor was just about to call you out on your obvious lie, he didn't even need a lie detector to know that since you were an awful liar, your stomach betrayed you with a low growl. He frowned slightly and you chuckled bashfully before looking down at your stomach.

"Traitor," you mumbled to yourself.

"(Y/n), you know that breakfast is the most important meal of the day for humans. You should eat something," before you could even speak he interrupts you with a playful smile, "and only having coffee doesn't count as breakfast."

"Okay okay, fine fine. You win," you sigh in defeat which earned a smile from the android.

God how you loved that awkward smile. Adorable.

"Lets hope that there's something decent in the break room," you said before turning in the direction of said room.

"Alright, I'll be out here filling out some reports if you need anything," Connor called out to you before you left.

You hoped to god that you got here before Gavin and that you wouldn't have to see his stupid-

"Well looky what we have here. Come to raid the fridge?" He asked with a smug grin, like he thought he did something.

Of course.

You didn't dignify his schoolyard taunt with a response, only rolling your eyes. However you did change your course to the coffee making instead. You could grab something when he left, not really wanting to deal with his judgment at the moment. As Hank would say, it's too early for this shit.

"Aww did I hurt little piggy's feelings?" He taunted further as he made his way over to you, pinching your cheek.

Immediately your hand came up to slap his away and you shot him a glare.

"You know pigs are actually really intelligent creatures. Shame the same can't be said about you. So thanks for the compliment jackass," you snapped before turning your attention back to the coffee maker.

Before Gavin could get out a comeback to reclaim some of his pride, Connor appeared in the doorway.

"Is there a problem here?" He directed to Gavin.

"I was just leaving," Gavin said bitterly before leaving, childishly chucking into Connor's shoulder on his way out.

Connor didn't move an inch.

You huffed as you watched him leave, subconsciously rubbing the cheek that he pinched rather hard. Connor noticed this and tilted his head slightly before making his way over to you.

"Are you alright? Did he hurt you?" His voice was concerned and he looked back to Gavin, fully prepared to beat his ass for hurting you.

"No, no I'm fine. The prick just pinched my damned cheek. Who the fuck even does that?" You sighed.

Yet despite your words he gently grabbed your chin and tilted your head slightly to make sure no damage was done. He certainly couldn't let one of his favourite humans be injured, especially not by one of his least favourite.

Connor's actions immediately started making heat rise up to your cheeks and you couldn't help but stare at his perfect face. God how you wanted him to just kiss you right then and there. As soon as those thoughts entered your mind you immediately averted your gaze from him, your cheeks becoming even more warm.

Connor tilted his head at your odd behavior and did a scan of you quickly. When he came to the conclusion that it seemed you were flustered, he had to hold back a smirk. He might have been innocent, and a bit oblivious about your feelings for him for.....well longer than he wanted to admit seeing as though he was a detective and couldn't figure out you liked him without help from Hank. More like Hank straight up saying it in frustration. But now that he knew, he couldn't help but think how adorable you were. How didn't he see it sooner? Oh how he loved being deviant.

Suddenly, an idea popped into his head and this time he made no effort to hide his smirk. When you looked up to him you were the one tilting your head in confusion. Slowly, he leaned down and you swore you felt like your heart was either going to explode, or just stop altogether. Your eyes went wide as he grew closer, and when he planted his lips ever so gently on the spot where Gavin pinched you swore you died and went to heaven.

When he pulled back you just blinked at him in disbelief. The way your heartrate went through the roof made Connor's smirk widen and he had to stop himself from chuckling at how adorable you looked.

"All better?" He asked slyly, the smooth bastard.

You couldn't even get out a word in response, only making weird noises before nodding. You were definitely feeling better now. He pulled his hand away from you and stood up straighter, his face forming an innocent smile as if nothing happened.

"Good, then I suggest you get some breakfast," with that he turned to leave the room, but not before shooting you a wink.

You stared at the door he left from as you brought up your hand to touch the place the kissed you. Now you were rubbing it for a whole new reason.

Suddenly a thought came to your mind. Why did he do that? Did he know you liked him? How did he-?

Hank.

Oh you were so going to kill him.

——————————————

A/N: Sorry the ending is kinda bad, idk where tf this went lmaoo. Was originally gunna make Connor the innocent bby he is but then he turned out to be the smooth bastard he also is woops. Anyways, hope y'all enjoyed

[hatsukeii]

Beautiful Trauma by Pink with Nishinoya, please!

Woop yess yeah angst is coming your way.

Okay I’m taking a break from matchups lol they’re getting harder to do because I do like a ton of them every day and like they’re GRUELLING HAVSJSGS they’re gonna be back but like I’m gonna focus on writing scenarios and maybe hcs for a bit then get right back to the matchups:)

Btw @artsamber I’m sorry I genuinely don’t know how marriage fics work and I don’t really see Nishinoya as someone that would lose interest after marriage, but I’ll try my best to incorporate your ideas into this fic!

(I’m legit trying my best to keep this as non explicit as I can because I’m keeping these for future uses if my English teacher ever tells me to write romance or something I can just pull up my blog and use scenarios-)

Beautiful Trauma// Nishinoya Yuu x Reader

Word count: 2000+

Warnings: Mild swearing

Nishinoya didn’t like feeling guilty. He hated the falling sensation he would get whenever he lied. The thought of having to hurt someone disgusted him. He was mostly an open book, it was as if you could read him word for word, everything expressed in those goofy facial expressions. He didn’t ask for much. He wanted someone who he could tease. Someone he could trust with his inner conflicts. Someone that could make him feel appreciated. Out of all the things however, he craved for excitement the most. Excitement that you weren’t able to give him. He loved you, he definitely loved you. But in a couple of years’ time, the spark that used to ignite whenever he looked at you, touched you, kissed you, it was gone. He tried to ignore the emptiness, grasping at any opportunity he could to regain those feelings. Going on more dates, inviting you to all his matches, bringing you over to his house every single week, he did everything he could Nothing worked. He no longer felt special. He had fought so hard for you, everything was all rainbows and unicorns, until it wasn’t. Until you became just another person for him. 

You still remember the exact moment you realised he had changed. It still goes through your mind till this day. It was New Year’s Eve. The two of you went out to watch the fireworks at midnight. His hand felt cold that night, not a trace of the usual warmth that embraced your hand perfect to be found.. It felt stale and frigid. He didn’t initiate his usual weird chatter, nor did he make an effort to talk to you at all. Every other couple at the venue was doing some lovey dovey crap, giving each other bone crushing hugs, or laying in their loved one’s lap, occasionally sneaking a kiss or two. Seeing that, you tried to sneak in some romance into your date. You turned towards him, leaning in and giving him a kiss. Your heart fell when he stayed still, not reacting to anything. He didn’t kiss back, he didn’t hold your hand, he didn’t even make an effort to play with your hair.  It was as if your kiss had absolutely no effect on him. You tried again, letting go of his hand and cupping his cheek. Still nothing. You pulled away, slightly disappointed at the lack of attention you were getting from him as he stared at you with bored eyes, dragging you down to sit next to him. This should’ve been a sign. A sign that something was wrong. However, you brushed it off. Maybe he was just feeling a bit sick that night.

The lack of attention went on for months. You would have to ask him out every week, just to be able to spend any quality time with him, and most of the time he’d decline, using the same three excuses every time.

“Sorry, I’m busy with volleyball.”

“Feeling a bit tired today, I’ll pass.”

“I have schoolwork, can’t come.”

The rare instances where he doesn’t decline your request, he’s completely indulged in his phone. As if there was something that was better than spending time with the one he loved that was on that godforsaken monitor. You would try poking him, shaking him, nudging him, everything you could possibly do to gain his attention. In return, all you’d receive was an irritated groan or your hand being picked up and put back onto your lap, followed by a wave of depression hitting you by surprise as he continues to scroll mindlessly through his phone. You were tired of this, your gut telling you to just break it off with him. However you were hopeful. Too hopeful. You continued to cling onto the last shred of hope you had in that attention lacking heart of yours, praying that by spending enough time with him, he would go back to his old self. The Nishinoya that she fell in love with. The one that gave her kisses on her cheek, squeezed her hand whenever he held it, cried with her during hard times, pushed her on the swings in an abandoned park. She continued to look forward to a day, where he would once again greet her at her doorstep before walking to school together. That day never came.

Half a year. Half an entire year of hiding his inner conflicts. Nishinoya was done keeping it in. He had to tell you one way or the other anyways. He was sick of seeing how disappointed you’d get after he ignored you time and time again. He was drowning in his own guilt throughout the never-ending six months. That pit of regret that dug itself in his stomach made him want to just rip everything to pieces and scream into a void. He didn’t want to see you like this, but quite frankly there was nothing he could do. His feelings were slowly fading, and they weren’t coming back. Everything that seemed bright in the world went dull as he pondered over his own emotions in his room. Letting out a feral yell, he sent all the books and papers on his desk flying to the floor, ripping some up and stomping on them. “WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? HUH? I CAN’T DO THIS TO HER! I can’t... I can’t hurt her like that.” He grabbed at his hair, pulling at it as he slid down the wall hopelessly, choking out strained sobs and screams as tears poured from his eyes. He was beyond frustrated. He definitely didn’t want to hurt you by telling you how he felt, however hiding it wouldn’t do any good either. In fact, the longer he hid it, the more affected by it you would be. He had made his mind. He was going to tell you the truth the next day, but at what cost? He was scared, definitely. He could already picture what would happen. He would tell you his conflicts, and you two would end it there, with both of you crying and leaving for different classes. He would probably do terribly during practice, maybe even skip it for once, and you would probably go home and cry. It would hurt him to tell you, but it was for the best.

You weren’t feeling ecstatic the next day, although you should’ve been. In your bag, was a framed polaroid, along with a tiny note attached to it, stuffed in between your lunchbox and textbooks. You made sure not to let the note crumple up. That was something important. Your friends teased you about it, calling you a hopeless romantic, lovestruck schoolgirl, and a variety of different romance tropes. All you could do was nod and laugh dryly, and pray they didn’t see the frown on your face throughout the whole day. During lunch, you scanned the cafeteria for your partner, finally landing your eyes on his tiny figure. He was in the very back of the lunch line, scrolling through his phone, again. You took a deep breath, grabbing the polaroid and treading towards him. “Nishinoya, can I talk to you alone for a bit?” The boy’s eyes glanced towards you, before he cracked a fake grin. “Uh sure thing.” You pulled him out of the lunch line, guiding him to behind a random stairwell, leaning on the wall with the framed photo in hand.

“So, for our second anniversary, I made you this. I hope you like it.” Nishinoya froze, before his eyes widened, his mouth slowly opening. “I- I’m so sorry (Y/N), I completely forgot about this! Oh lord I’m so dumb oh god-” He stopped for a moment. This was the perfect opportunity to tell you. You two were finally alone, he could just get it done and over with. He thought about it a bit more. Would it be too much for you? He had already forgotten about you guys’ anniversary, whilst you made an effort to make him something. He decided against it. He would do it another day. “Yuu, it’s okay, Don’t worry about it. Just read the note when you get back. I gotta go eat now, see you around.” And with that, you made your way back to your table. NIshinoya’s heart clenched. He felt terrible. He really hid the fact that he was losing interest from you for months, whilst you continued to believe that he loved you with his whole heart. He stared at the polaroid in his hand. It was from when you two had your first date in a pink cafe. That was the first time he ever kissed you in public. Inside of the frame, was a piece of paper folded into a tiny square. That was the note you were talking about. He let out a heavy sigh, returning to the cafeteria as well.

The note was now in his hands, still folded in that neat square. When school ended, you didn’t wait for Nishinoya like you usually did. Instead, he saw you walk away with another friend, who was patting your back as you were hunched over slightly. His heart dropped. Thank the lords he decided not to tell you today. Polaroid frame in hand, he examined everything. Maybe there was some hidden message behind this. Maybe she wrote something on the back of the polaroid too, instead of just writing a note. He took a few minutes to just observe the framed photo, before giving up and shoving it back into his bag. There was nothing weird or suspicious about it. It was just a normal polaroid. He walked home alone, not waiting for Tanaka. He felt like absolute shit, head hanging low as he walked towards his house, hands in his pocket. The second he got to his room, he threw everything to the floor, scrambling for the framed polaroid and pulling out the untouched note. He opened the note up, to see a neatly written message. It wasn’t just a note, it was a whole letter.

Dear Yuu,

I expected this already, so don’t be sorry. I knew you were going to forget. You’ve changed, everyone could see. Because of that, there’s something I need to tell you.

I’m breaking it off here.

Nishinoya’s eyes widened as he gripped the paper tightly with his now shaky hands. “No way....”

I know you might be confused as to why I’m doing this. But hear me out. I can see that you’ve changed. For the past months you’ve been uninterested. You haven’t been like the old Yuu since New Year’s Eve.

I love you, I do, but I can’t bear to see you force yourself into continuing this facade. It’s been two years, this isn’t a surprise to me. I don’t want you to feel obligated to stay with me against your heart’s desire. I’d rather you be happy with the relationship. Please. Let’s just end it here. It was beautiful while it lasted, but now it’s just trauma for me. I hope this anniversary gift is good enough. Goodbye.

Love,

(Y/N)

Tears streamed down the boy’s face as he re-read the letter again. Nothing changed. You had said what you said and Nishinoya felt terrible. He should’ve known you would be able to read through him. He should’ve just told you from the start, instead of keeping it in like a coward. Putting the letter down, he grabbed his bag, and threw it across the room, letting it land to the ground with a thud as his laptop and his textbooks spilled out. “NISHINOYA YUU WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?” Ah, of course, it was his mom. “NISHINOYA STOP MAKING SO MUCH NOISE!” The short boy ignored her, continuing to let his anger out. He threw all the books from his shelf onto the wooden floor, ripped up pieces of homework, and threw the polaroid to the ground, jumping on it and cracking the glass. He wasn’t mad at you. He was frustrated with himself. He was furious at his own cowardice, that led to him breaking your heart. “Why? It shouldn’t have been like this! I should’ve apologised to her before any of this happened! We might’ve had a chance!”

He continued to massacre his bedroom, throwing everything at his wall and breaking anything he possibly could get his hands on. His legs felt tired from stomping and jumping and his arms ached from ripping everything. He fell back, landing on his ass as he cradled his face in his hands, sobbing uncontrollably. He wanted to lie to himself. Tell himself there was nothing he could do about it. Convince himself that he had already tried his best.

But deep down, he knew that he just didn’t try hard enough, and now, the two years you guys spent together, where he loved every single minute of, was nothing but a beautiful trauma.

Tags:

@sunshines-and-tatertots @izzyphantomgamer @tokyoghoose @artsamber @trashcanweeb @inlwlevi @tiger1719 @mariechan123 @random-fandomlover @kaylacinderella @burnt-tomato @macaronnv @talks-a-lot-of-stuff @just-another-bored-writer @ewfilthymundane @agentvicinity

Comment or dm to be in taglist!!

Okay this is actually so bad I’m sorry idk I just hate this with a passion and I think it’s terrible but I hope you liked it🥺😔💕

References:

Beautiful Trauma lyrics on genius

Comments on the music video

My overanalysing brain

[unproduciblesmackdown]

The opposite of your last post for the ask meme! Like 1, 5, 9..

thank you lol sorry it took me a minute to get to posting these answers......i also skipped a couple that got asked previously via answering all primes lol

1: What inspires you?

hm well just basic stuff like “being in a good mood” lol or “being hyped up by friends” or “having reason to be particularly excited about something” which is all like, factors that Contribute Energy......learning about stuff / trying something and discovering like oh i’m Into this thing, or that for whatever reason something turns out to be more within reach / doable than i might’ve thought, like, hey i wanna get on this maybe.......~creatively~ it’s great to like, see other ppl’s art, and while i’ve sure been Inspired by professional artists, overall i’m more like, influenced and motivated by seeing the styles / specific works of Online Randos like me.......i also Draw to create [self-indulgent (usually fairly) niche fanart which is also probably gay and is all the time of characters i like] so like, the Stuff I Wanna Make Fanart Of (which has Whatever characters i specifically would like to draw lol) is sure directly Inspiring in that way. i’d say i never had that experience of like, ppl being kids and seeing some [distributed work in a certain art medium] like oh i want to make my own [distributed work in a certain art medium] as in like, i wanna publish a book, i wanna make movies, etc, but i guess i Did b/c i was like elementary school age in the early-to-mid 00s and experienced some instances of online fanart like :o :o wow damn ppl can do that?? just be a rando drawing fanart and sharing it w/ other people online???? and today i am living that dream, so good for me lol. and also i’d like to shoutout marge simpson anime, which is a particular piece of Online Art (technically fanart even lol) which was like, unusually Motivating as a single work of art lol, i made a notes app fanart like immediately and then a way more “painterly” piece of fanart that was v directly inspired by it lol.......and i was sure Drawing It Up last last winter when bmc 3.0 was impending / happening, b/c i got into like Just in the dec before, so that was Fresh, and then bam the Content is happening concurrently and as soon as we even just learned that jeremy has glasses i immediately spent like honestly 25 consecutive hours making fanart for that exact Inspiration. we didn’t even know abt the hello kitty shoes yet!!! and naturally im not out here for stats or clout but it is Inspiring when ppl enjoy the stuff i make and let me know one way or another. [tag comments that express enthusiasm in any way.....Appreciated]

9: Do you trust people easily, or do people have to earn your trust?

i have to say i am wary! that’s in part just like, a default anxiety defensive mode lol. but it takes me a hot minute (aka weeks....or months.....) to realize when someone like, would like to be friends or something, so while i can be Friendly and Outgoing w/ people like, immediately, i’m not picking up relationships left and right that are close enough that i’d particularly talk about “trust” or whatever. i’m not necessarily Distrustful either lol, it’s more just like, again re: the constant wariness thing. it is not unlike a cat lmao i vibe with them lol i Get that [approach]....and there’s been times i’ve been like “hmm i sure do Not vibe with this person ever and am not comfortable around them / interacting with them to any extent beyond occasional casual interactions that i don’t super enjoy. that’s me being overly anxious and failing to be personable i guess!!” and then that person Does give that reason down the line like oh, actually, that eternal uneasiness was warranted :/ damb

21: How does someone become friends with you?

yknow i was like “didn’t i Also answer this one previously” but it turned out the question i was thinking of, which i Had answered, was “how does someone become important to you” lmao.....same diff

tbh it’s kind of an arduous process lmao like. first of all i am Bad about initiating shit, and a lot of times will like, be wary of Directly Interacting with people for a while b/c i am also Bad At not being too passive / unwilling to assert anything so like, if someone’s regularly interacting with me but i’m not into it / Eventually Realize i’m not into it, it’s that thing again where my main strat is [v gradually sidle away] lol and just find it difficult to extricate myself from interactions / relationships and so that plays into me really feeling like i have to have some real confidence that i’d get on with / vibe with someone Before i start significantly interacting with / getting involved with them which....is also difficult natch lol like. can’t rly get a great feel for what someone’s like w/o talking to them.......but then if i Distance myself at all at any point will that be taken as rejection or whatever.......and then anyways say i Am talking to someone, then it’s like, also i’m just not fantastic at casual conversation always and that stage where you don’t know someone too well and talking is mostly a Polite Ritual and it’s like oh god don’t mess up, respond Normally lmaoo......i am nervous. and i also have a tendency to just naturally try to make an interaction go smoothly than immediately prioritize / feel comfortable busting out My Personality lmao.....so then even if ppl are responding well enough it’s like ah jeez i know we’re all performing always but have i shown them What I’m Actually Like to any significant degree, am i just masking it up / mirroring the crap out of how they talk?? and also it then takes me quite a while to put together “if someone keeps talking to you / choosing to interact with you for like, weeks, it probably means they want to / are interested in doing so” lol.........and then i’ll take ages more of trying to consciously Be More Myself without *also* feeling like this is too much of an act lol, and gradually picking up like oh they’re still not like, annoyed or disinterested or something..............what i am trying to say is it sure takes a minute lol

also when i Am attempting sometimes to like [initiate interaction] with people my version of being Active is still not all that active lmao i will be like [occasional Like] or [even more occasional reply] or [tag comments or no comments coz it’s twitter and im rt-ing stuff] and it’s like oh wow if we’re not having more regular interaction i suppose i’ve failed or something?? does this mean anything further lol, did i do anything.....but welp gotta have that perspective that Not Necessarily lol and i’m not the only person in the world who might not make friends or even friendly acquaintances easily / at the drop of a hat and u can’t necessarily read way into shit that hasn’t Actually been communicated to you.......naturally though it is easier to have some ~perspective~ and Serenity about all this sort of thing when you do already have some Friends lmao........been feeling (and consciously nudging myself towards feeling) More Chill about say like, friendly acquaintances i have who aren’t raring to interact with me on the reg.......ppl i’ll go months or half a year or more between having a convo with and then we’ll be like trading dm’s for a couple days and then it’s back to not really talking, and that Is What It Is, not necessarily a tragedy, and really it feels “rude” to acknowledge to myself like oh i’m not sure that me and whomever even Vibe well enough that *i’d* be raring to talk all the time either, but hey, it’s also true, i don’t have to be Validated by ppl who know me having me in their friend circles in any significant way......i be out here on the peripheral / outer orbits and i can appreciate that for what it is, even if, again, easier to be more Cool with that when i’m not Only in ppl’s periphery...........i appreciate the pal i have who like, 99% of how we Communicate is occasionally sending each other pics of our cats, not very intimate but also back when i was offline for months on end they eventually went out of their way to find someone to get in touch with to verify i hadn’t like died or anything lol........i appreciate the Gestures of Caring that ppl have and do extend, even if we do not actually talk regularly. 

and like also i’m bad at like. idk the main way i talk is again, At Some Length and often about real specific shit lol so im like woop aware that many ppl are not into that, or they might be down for having an exchange like that for a day and then they’re done.........not at all like wholly Against more lol Conversational conversations but i gotta say that’s more of a struggle lmao..........so let’s say befriending me takes some Patience. i kinda operate on [cat] rules. jellicle

25: How do you stop yourself from going back to toxic people?

i absolutely am Refraining from launching off on a ted talk of a tangent that is also me being the [the guy about to throw down a card on the pile on the table and that card pile is like “any conversation” and the guy is labeled “me” and the One Card about to be played is labeled “it’s capitalism” or smthing like that and also it’s all in spanish].jpg.......

anyways idk just try to keep things in perspective, right......i generally am pretty Passive about gradually sidling away from relationships that are bad and so by the time i Have exited them it’s pretty overdue lmao and i get to be quite confident that it was The Right Thing........and just when looking back on stuff it’s like, well if you remember the Good or “Not That Bad(tm)” parts maybe consciously think about the whole of it And specifically the Bad parts / the reasons for peacing out.......also the other day i was mulling over some standard [conflicted / complicated feelings about having cut certain ppl out entirely] and it also occurred to me that a lot of the [conflicted] feeling part came from sympathy for them, whereas from the perspective of Entirely My Own Feelings On The Matter minus that “how do/would they feel about it” consideration, the thought of never interacting w/ these ppl is like. fine with me lol........stuff like this is always Complicated and Individual and there’s certainly no like, one-stop simple Guide To Navigating All This Kind Of Thing, Cmon It’s Easy........another consideration i saw the other day via a graphic on twitter, which is probably most relevant re: say, controlling / abusive Partners, was how like, to think about how someone is acting if they’re saying you should Take Them Back b/c they’ve Changed their behavior, but to pay attention to if they’re trying to guilt you into it / justifying or downplaying their previous behavior / shifting blame and otherwise manifesting the inherently harmful and controlling patterns that are supposed to be gone now........anyways yeah complicated stuff and also just p.s. (and what would’ve been the jumping off point for the It’s-Capitalism tangential essay lol) ppl shouldn’t be blamed if they do choose to let someone back in their life like oh now they’re responsible for bringing their mistreatment upon themself.....no better than blaming someone for, say, having a harmful / controlling romantic partner in the first place like oh well they should’ve known better than to have gotten involved with this person..........ppl are in control of their own abusive behavior and shouldn’t be considered Forces Of Nature no matter how intransigent they are

33: Do you have someone you know you can always rely on?

tbt question 9 lol there’s defo some people that i do trust! love it....

45: Do you consider yourself creative?

another #tbt to question 1 lol.......i mean Yes i am creative in ways but like, who Isn’t, really.......think sometimes “creativity” means “do you like, do Art things” which, yes i do, but then within that there’s art that’s deemed more ~creative~ or w/e......not to mention that i don’t think something has to be definitively labeled an Art to be creative. like, for example, Science and Art aren’t opposites / the antithesis of each other, and anytime defines ~science~ as like, people just memorizing and outputting Facts and Numbers and considers this a distinction from Being An Artist.....wild and i Will fight you lmao. i tell you i can v much remember times i have had to completely disengage to keep from losing my cool at people arguing about “why i respect science but could only be an artist :’|” or “why Art is actually harder than Science and also we’re the underdogs b/c society values science so much more :’|” like.....mf...........anyways scientific pursuits may certainly have a different Methodology (see: scientific method) than art but lbr it still requires creativity and science and art are friends you fucking fools................and then also just zooming in on the Art-Making business here, i also like, have never had any interest in coming up with Original stories / characters and the like, and i don’t enjoy trying and it just really is not my thing, and it’s Funny or something when people wanna say that creative fanworks have value b/c they let ppl cut their teeth for what really matters, inevitably making their own original content(tm)......that isn’t inevitable for me lol and certainly is nothing i aim to do ever, and when there’s the suggestion that if you’re Good enough at ur medium you gotta manifest some of that original the character do not steal shit.........anyways i’m not pressed to claim i am an Artist(tm) or Creative(tm) lol like i guess technically i am both but i have no professional aspirations and my brain does not Do [generate original content] so it’s all like, i’m just out here.........s/o to this time i was trying to do my fuckin thing drawing on a tablet in a cafe and some random annoying guy is trying to talk and i happen to mention like “lol i don’t exactly call myself an artist really” and Guy goes “OH REALLY??? WHAT’S WRONG WITH ARTISTS? WHAT’S YOUR ISSUE WITH ART” like please cool it lmao but god p sure it was a guy who was just. very Around and very annoying in general

49: Do you feel like you’re a good person?

yeah i think i’m alright but really what is the use in like considering there 2 be achievable Good or Bad Person Statuses for everyone........let’s say it’s an ongoing, active state to be in the process of consciously choosing to be Good and working towards Better. especially considering that We Live In A Society which tries to teach everyone and continuously imbues our existence with Bad Messages about how to perceive and engage with other people, and being A Good Person is a lifelong effort and it’s unhelpful to feel that if you’re already Good or well-intentioned enough you can just dust off your hands and be like “well my work here is done” and be unprepared to examine your beliefs/actions or deal with the might-as-well-assume-it’s-an-inevitability that even if u have some noble-ass beliefs you’ll fail to live up to them at some point/s.......so like yeah lol again i feel like i am a pretty good person but can always be better and ought to be aware of / willing to work on that at any point

[chonideno]

i’m a new writer on ao3 and i’ve been feeling a little discouraged. i was wondering, did it take you long to get where you are in terms of popularity and skill? and do you have any tips for new writers?

Hi! I hope you understand how hard of a question it is to answer, though I’m not blaming you at all, [grandma voice] I was the same at your age. Writing is hard, and understanding what makes good writing is hard, and understanding what makes your writing good is hard. Nothing I can tell you will sound new to you - write for yourself, be patient, have fun, popularity is overrated, yada yada yada. 

This being said, there are lessons I keep having to re-learn every 3 months or so. I’ve been writing fanfiction for too many years and I still forget some lessons - not that the words disappear from my memory, but there are some things you only learn through experience and I tend to forget them every so often, until I go through yet another learning experience. Here’s a list of things I wish I was prepared to learn when I started:

don’t be afraid of being bad. I know, you don’t want to be bad, that’s why you’re asking about how to get better, and how much time it takes to be popular. But being bad is the foundation of your experience. We all started as terrible writers, and some of us are still there after years of practice - and it’s fine! You have to truly be okay with the idea that you’re going to suck, too! And no amount of experience will ever protect you from that. Being bad happens to everyone, and it’s great. Your writing is going to suck - and what about it? Your writing is going to be terrible, and? What is anyone going to do about it, if you want to shove it into their faces? Nothing, that’s what. The more you write, the less often these moments will happen (but as I said earlier, they still will  happen, and they’ll still sting like hell) so keep at it. Don’t be afraid to be the worst at writing, because if you don’t get this stinky stuff out of your system you’ll never get to the good part.

grieve your Ideas. It’s not the first time I mention it I think, but try a thing: think of your Idea right now, your beautiful prefect story that is just waiting for you to write it down, and it has all of these incredible scenes and this intensity and this emotion and it’s going to be great - now let it go. Your Idea with a capital I is a mirage. No matter how hard you try, you’ll never get 100% there. You can get real close, and that’s where the satisfaction lies, the farthest you go from your outline and the closest you get to the Idea, the better your fic. But perfection is unattainable. The finished product will not be a copy of that Idea you had in your head - worse! The finished product will look nothing like your Idea to your readers, who are not in your head, and it also won’t look like what you think it looks like. Because, and that’s very important, writing is a product of 1) the person who lays its eyes on it (whether it’s the author or the reader) and 2) your writing style and what influences it, the Muse, the Spark, the Whatever people like to chase. No story will look alike to different people. So forget about your Idea - it’s never getting born. It’ll have a cousin, so get ready to love this one instead.

learn about your content creation cycle, and be patient with yourself. You will never be a perfect machine. Writing blocks will happen. Every so often I feel like that’s it, that’s the last fic I was ever going to write, and these feelings are sincere and true. I truly believe it to my core. And then writing happens again, and woops, there I go posting another fic. It’s a pattern. It happens. I answered asks about this here, here and here. Be patient. Learn about your own creation process. You’re not your own enemy.

popularity is, ultimately, meaningless. I know how this sounds, but please bear with me here. Popularity is not correlated with quality in any way. It is valid to chase popularity, but you have to do it separately from other goals. You can’t think “I’m going to write a really beautiful fic and it’ll become popular” because there’s no guarantee it will. You can’t think “I’m going to pour all of my emotions in it so it’ll be raw and people are going to love it” because that’d be wrong again. Popularity is a function of timing, marketing skills, what’s currently trendy in your fandom niche and dumb luck. Some of my fics did high numbers, but I have no idea what led them to do that. I’d even argue that between these few fics, not two got a lot of hits for the same reason. Most of the fics I have written over the years have not made a ripple, and I will, inevitably, disappear from everyone’s radar soon. And what is popularity anyway? Hits? Kudos? Kudos/hits ratio? Digging in the numbers depresses me. You want to be known, this much I understand, but I was on this pedestal for a bit and yeah, I’ll admit it’s nice, but if you don’t enjoy your writing or if you don’t like your own output, none of it will make sense, and it’ll only slow down your progress as a writer.

it’s all about you. It’s really all about you. In many ways. You must want to write what you write. You must write for yourself first, and a love letter to a character or a trope is a good way to do that. You should write what you know - not the situations you know, but the emotions you know, the sentimental truth (if it applies to what you write at least - pwp probably doesn’t need it lmao). You might look back on your previous works and think “wow, this is literally about me”. It’s okay to be self-obsessed in writing and art in general. Who else is gonna do that for you?

you don’t need to fit a mold. I know the temptation is great, especially if you’re starting and you’re trying to figure out what people like so you can make a name for yourself or something, but you truly, truly don’t have to write things you don’t like. there are different types of writers, and you might change types over time as well.This Kind Of Writing is real popular but doesn’t fit you? Then don’t write it. Don’t force yourself to write things just because you think people will like it, it will truly not help. At best you’ll end up confused about what you want out of your writing, at worst it’ll disgust you from writing for a time. I have to re-learn this lesson over and over, and every time it rings more true: write what you want. If it’s horrible poetry, do it. If it’s the next 500k sci-fi reincarnation soulmates enemies to friends to lovers au, do it. If it’s sharp one-shots, or mindless porn, or studies of family dynamics, or one-dimensional fluff, do it. You don’t have to reach imaginary standards either - remember, you have the right to suck by anyone’s standards! You can be the most stereotypical ooc coffee shop au author ever, or write chat fics, or indulge in character x reader fics, and what are people going to do about it? Break into your house and steal your keyboard? No!! They’re gonna do nothing!! No amount of joking about these kinds of writing has the power to stop you!! You want to pretend you’re the next literature Nobel and you’re going to revolutionize prose? Do it! Wherever you fall on the spectrum, take what is rightfully yours. And if you don’t know where to go yet, gosh how I wish I were you - the world is your oyster, so try! Read, and think, and scribble and plot and delete half of what you’ve written, experiment, figure out what makes you tingle, what’s your style, what’s your favorite tropes and genres. You can always let go and change. You have a universe of possibilities ahead of you, and don’t let things like popularity hold you back! I’m really excited to hear you’re starting. It’s all adventure from now on.

Sometimes it’s not that deep, but sometimes it truly is.

So I’ve been writing fanfic for 7 years even though I took 1.5 years of hiatus, dropped a fic then stopped writing for another 8 months, I’ve written 21 fics for 3 fandoms, I’ve been invisible and popular and right in the middle and I don’t know how to make popularity happen, and I don’t know how to get better as a writer - I don’t even know if my writing has improved in any way. All I know is that my experience as a writer has improved. I know what I’m doing now. I know what I want. It’ll happen to you too.

[olympivnshq]

congratulations hanna !  ATROPOS and her sisters are a wish we were never really expecting to come 1/3 true and we’re thrilled you took a leap and started the ball rolling. your sample had us shook, and we appreciate the sheer energy and effort that went into this app so this one’s well deserved and we’re so excited for what the fates have in store for ... things with your first faceclaim choice: TATI GABRIELLE.

☆ﾟ*・ﾟ  OOC INFO.

Woop woop, it’s me, Hanna (22/she&her/gmt+2), back on my bs.

☆ﾟ*・ﾟ  DEITY  —  GENDER. AGE RANGE.

ATROPOS OF THE MOIRAI — FEMALE. 21 - 25.

☆ﾟ*・ﾟ MORTAL NAME. JOB/OCCUPATION. BOROUGH/NEIGHBORHOOD.

Sonya Winchester. Student at NYU Law. Williamsburg, Brooklyn.

☆ﾟ*・ HOW WOULD YOU PLAY THEM?

ATROPOS. A daughter of Nyx and Erebus; A daughter of Zeus and Themis; A daughter of Chronos and Ananke. Atropos’ origins are shrouded in mystery and it suits her, for her past is not of importance to those who know her name. What is significant about her is that she is a member of the infamous trio known as the Moirai. The Fates. The Birth, The Life, The Death. Atropos pays no mind to what the gods and mortals choose to call her and her sisters because it has no effect on what they do. It is their job to determine the course of an individual’s life from the beginning to the end; Atropos, in particular, is in charge of cutting the life thread and choosing the mechanism of death for them. Atropos is the oldest sibling of the three and, befitting the archetype of a hardworking eldest child, takes her part very seriously.  No one escapes death after all, and thus her reputation as the inflexible one, the inevitable one, is a moniker Atropos wears proudly. Expecting softness from her is an act of pure foolishness, and this should be clear from the moment eyes are laid upon Atropos’ stern form. She will not bother you unnecessarily, but when she speaks, she expects to be heard and obeyed. If that does not happen, or she / her sisters are otherwise slighted, Atropos will not hesitate to deal out her own, frequently severe brand of justice. Most mortals and gods have, however, learned not to anger the goddess in charge of their death, so to her joy, Atropos is often left to her own devices with her sisters, allowing them to independently operate however and whenever they choose.

SONYA. In many ways, Atropos’ mortal cage reflects her true self. She may lack her mythical powers, but Sonya has the same aura of quiet, unwavering confidence. Once again, no one really knows where she came from. Is she an orphan? Was she abandoned? Does she have a loving family somewhere? Sonya will not divulge this information, if only because she does not know it either. Her childhood was spent with a number of carers, but none stuck around long enough to leave a permanent mark or shape the young girl into whatever they wanted her to be. That is when Sonya made the crucial decision that would, in her mind, determine the rest of her life: she would make herself into whatever she wanted to be. In that moment, a fiercely independent girl was born, with ambition as her ichor. She kept (and still keeps) to herself most of the time; she will not meddle in the affairs of others nor will she partake in activities she considers ridiculous. What she will do is nurse her ambition and work diligently toward her goal of becoming the first female Chief Justice of the United States. She is well known among her fellow students at NYU Law for being a perfectionist who actually has the talent and wisdom to back up her reputation. Hardly anyone wants to voluntarily go up against her when there is a debate in class because they know they will lose. Sonya is aware of the reputation she has, but she has not done, does not do, and will not do anything about it, for that is not why she is here. Sonya Winchester is here to determine the ultimate fate of people and to get rid of anyone who tries to stand in her way.

answer these questions: 1. are they more likely to stand with the pantheon or against it?: Atropos is more likely to stand with the pantheon. She and her sisters have fought on the side of the gods before; this is because they provide the order through which it is easier to determine and execute the matters of fate. However, this does not mean she holds the pantheon in a higher value. Should they invoke her wrath or otherwise render her obsolete, she will not hesitate to put them into their place.

2. what is their stand on mortals?: Atropos does not belittle mortals for their lack of powers. She does not envy the fleeting nature of their existence. Occasionally she finds herself amused by how they are so determined to change their fates; at least the gods, for the most part, know better than to indulge in such bouts of foolishness. But in the end, in Atropos’ eyes, they are not so different from the gods. No mortal and no god is exempt from the inevitability of destiny, so they all receive the same treatment from her.

☆ﾟ*・ GIVE US A SAMPLE OF YOUR WRITING!

CHOOSE AT LEAST ONE OF THE FOLLOWING OPTIONS

☆ﾟ*・ SAMPLE PARA

            Her entrance may not be flashy; it may lack the grandiose gestures immortal beings are so well-known for. Perhaps it is then her simplicity, the bareness of her appearance that she can sense catches the attention of everyone in the room. She can see the frightened faces of his attendants, frozen like the prey in the face of a predator. Their desperate need to flee the scene taints the air, but Atropos, in her white dress, remains unaffected. The focus of her gaze remains in the back of a man, a god, who still has not turned around to face her, even though she knows that he knows she is here.

             “Leave us.” Atropos’ voice rings loud and clear, breaking some kind of barrier within the minds of Apollo’s attendants, for they immediately begin to gather their things so they could exist the room. They stumble past her in haste, with only one or two daring to sneak a glance at the infamous creature who has come to speak with their commander. Atropos notices and promptly ignores all of this. She is not here for them; she is here for Apollo who has yet to face her. But soon, he will. They always do.

            And mere seconds later, the sun god heeds to her wordless command finally faces her. “Atropos,” he nods. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

            He has barely gotten the words out of his mouth when she speaks. “Tomorrow, after the earth has been nourished with the blood of the Greeks and Trojans alike, someone will attempt to seize that which does not belong to them.” She knows it from the darkened expression on his features — she has his full attention now. “The best of the Greeks will attempt to defy the limits of his portion, but you will not let him.” Careful, calculated steps carry her forward so that she might lay her hand on the god’s cheek. Were it coming from anyone else, the gesture might have been gentle. “It will be Hector’s sword which takes away his life”—her dark lips curve upward into a ghost of a smile—“But you shall remind him what happens when one tries to change the inevitable.”

☆ﾟ*・ PREVIOUS BLOG OR A REPLY

Well, you know my disaster son, but here’s a link anyway! https://gloryblooded.tumblr.com/.

☆ﾟ*・ ANYTHING ELSE?

https://fi.pinterest.com/kolydias/ch-atropos/ <- my pinterest board for Sonya / Atropos. Also feel free to post my app. I don’t mind.

[ajokeformur-ray]

A self-indulgent request/the perfect chance to get to know the admin.

Request from @artsy-jandi - do a matchup for ME with Sebastian, Itachi, Severus and Jareth.

Okay, so this is a matchup for ME, the admin. Here’s some info about me:

Erika, 20, lives in England (UK). Dark auburn hair, hazel eyes, 5′6 approximately. Writing, reading, Netflix, Tumblr are my greatest interests and nothing makes me feel as alive as writing does. Interested in the Victorian Era and anything to do with Japan. Procrastinator, coffee addict, loves heavy rain but dislikes thunder storms because of the noise and sudden flashes. Likes the comfort that darkness brings but is afraid of what’s in the dark. Stays up late for no reason, regrets it every morning but repeats the process. Fluid aromantic but completely asexal and hopelessly in love with a demon. Scared of everything. Misanthropist, asocial, apolitical, quite temperamental and often doesn’t care about anything but sometimes cares so much all I can do is cry.  Loneliness plagues me most strongly at night but during the day I can keep it at bay by spending time with my family. Introvert, would rather be in bed with tea and a book than at a house party. Loves old oak trees and cherry blossom trees. Loves long walks. Dislikes sunshine. Doesn’t believe in love for myself but wants it for everyone else and lives my own love life by watching Asian dramas on Netflix, preferring to experience it secondhand. Adores Shakespeare and Edgar Allen Poe but has a soft spot for Austen and the other literary classics. There’s an unnamed hollow in my chest that can be filled by the sound of violins, the first sip of coffee in the morning, chocolate and baggy hoodies, rain and messy buns.... It’s never filled for long and so I’m still searching for this.... Thing I can’t name and I’ve known my entire life that whatever it is, it’s in Japan. Or, maybe I’ve convinced myself of that fact. But anyway, I digress. Very cuddly at night, during the day I typically prefer to be left alone but checked up on every now and then. Often acts and speaks without thinking, which has gotten me into trouble before that I’ve then had to talk myself out of. 

Jareth - I heavily admire Jareth for how clever he was. He did everything that Sarah asked of him and did it so well... A little too well, I think. He sabotaged his own chances of getting Sarah to stay because of this and he’s manipulative and sly and was the perfect villain her subconscious needed. I’ve known him for most of my life and I used to watch it as a child, in fact my favourite memories as a kid are of watching Labyrinth with my mum and sister, so there’s a definite twinge of nostalgia attached to Jareth. I love him but it’s not a romantic kind of love - he’s more like this untouchable figure from my childhood that acts as a moral compass and a source of security and comfort. So I think if he ever met me, he’d either be flattered by my lifelong interest/admiration or he’d not be bothered all that much - I’m a human girl and that’s as far as he goes with it. But I like to think that he’d check up on me sometimes, just to make sure I’m okay. Maybe he’d mock me for it but I don’t know... Jareth can be childish and immature but he knows what it’s like to love someone you can’t have, so maybe he wouldn’t mock me for it. Who knows what goes through the mind of a fae?

Itachi - Several people have said that they ship us, which is a comforting thought because I adore Itachi. I’ve cried over him before (actually I’ve cried over all of these men in this post, and then others) and how he had to kill his Clan etc. etc. and I think that’d surprise him - no one’s cried over him before, except maybe Sasuke. So maybe that’d earn his respect because so few take him by surprise. He’d offer silent companionship, I think, and he’s not especially affectionate but at night time, when we both become a little more unguarded, he might let me cuddle him. It’d take a long time for us to date, mostly because I’m aromantic and don’t care for or see the point in relationships, but because it’s Itachi, I’d cave and have to deal with my hot/cold behaviour, which would irritate him and would threaten our relationship so eventually I’d have to buck up and accept that I’m in a relationship, but not trapped because we’re both introverts and neither are clingy so we both have our freedoms, which is important to me. He’d spend a lot of time observing me, and I him, and we’d speak little to each other. I think we’d do most of our talking at night, when we’re cuddling. Otherwise, I’m studying and he’s off being a shinobi and I’m doing my best to not think about how damn attractive he is.

Severus - Like Jareth, I’ve admired and loved him my whole life and have a tattoo that I designed myself when I was fourteen in his memory. It would take a long time for the two of us to get together because he’s so guarded and used to being hurt and I’d be scared of disappointing him so it’d be a slow burn romance but one we’d both fall for. I don’t think he’d like me very much at first but he’d observe me and maybe he’d see something in me that he’d like and want to get to know me. We’d be mostly firm friends and then maybe he’d snap, or I would, and we’d kiss and that’d be it. I’d irritate him when I’m talkative but I’d support him no matter what and my faith in him has never once wavered and I always knew he was more than what he seemed to be and when I was ten, I discovered I was right and mourned him for two weeks. There would be a lot of compromise in our relationship because we’re kind of similar in some ways but very different in others, but we could make it because we’re both very loyal.

Sebastian - Okay. You all know what I think of Sebastian and all the imagines I’ve received of he and I sum it all up perfectly. Kuro demons have no real personality of their own so Sebastian would be everything that I need him to be and of course, I’d surprise him by doing all I could to help him and support him and I’d lavish him with affection and love and cry over how attactive he is - I do this a least once a week, not even joking - and it’d be adorable omg. But yes, I’d wear his workshirt as a nightie just to tease him a little because I’m asexual but for goodness’ sake, with Sebastian for some reason it doesn’t make an appearance and damn, if I wouldn’t... It’d definitely be unconventional but we could make it work.

So, I ship myself with these characters and there’s a few others such as Tyrion Lannister and Arnold Rimmer, Loren Blake... And some others I’ve probably forgotten. I enjoyed writing this but now I’ve got the feels, so woops! :)

[bataddictedloony]

14, 20, 22 en 24 :p? also i hope ur doing ok! exams are stupid :^(

They certainly are, I hope yours will go well and that the studying isn’t too stressful, boi~

14. Favorite book you read this year?Ashamed to say I haven’t read nearly as much as I wanted this year. This year has been a general let-down, I think we can all agree. But the books I DID read, were all really enjoyable in their own ways. I read (most of) the Lunar Chronicles which were incredibly well-written, I read them as if I was watching a movie! King of Shadows was very self-indulgent because YASSSS MIDSUMMER NIGHT’S DREAM IS DA BOMB and Four Sisters by Rappaport, a book about the Romanov princesses, was very interesting and emotional and self-indulgent because by god am I a sucker for tragedy. BUT THE BOOK THAT TAKES THE CAKE is Language of Thornes by the fabulous Leigh Bardugo (author of Six of Crows YES YES YES YES YES YES) which is a collection of reimagined fairytales and MMMMM THE BOOK IS PRETTY IT HAS EVOLVING PICTURES AND IT’S GAY AND TRAGIC AND SURPRISING AND I LOVE IT WITH ALL MY HEART.... So yeah, read that.

20. What’s something you learned this year?Stuff changes at a ridiculously fast pace. Opinions, situations, moods, atmospheres,... Last year I was broke, I’m anything but right now, but that can change any minute. I had 2 uncles last week, I only got 1 left today, it can change to 0 at any second. Last April I was super happy and content and nothing could go wrong, then last October I was back in a dip and I thought I’d never get out of it this time, right now it’s back up again and tomorrow it could be even better or worse, who knows.Basically, stuff changes all the time so it’s better to focus on the present for a good 5 seconds and then move the fuck on because whatever’s bothering me in the present could be gone the next morning. Last month I was 100% sure I was ace as fuck, now I’m considering I might actually be demi.

22. Favorite place you visited this year?I mostly went traveling on my own and with my mom this year, strangely enough... I honestly can’t decide between going to Phantasialand with my friend from Germany or to the Harry Potter studios with my mom... Germany was fun because I did the 5 hour drive on my own and it was actually kind of relaxing and fun? Also Phantasialand was absolutely magnificent and seeing Debby again was

24. Did you keep any New Year’s Resolutions?I don’t remember making New Year’s Resolutions in January because I was 99% sure I wasn’t gonna keep them anyway. I was planning this summer to start eating more salads and go swimming every to weeks. I did the salad thing but the swimming completely faded from my mind... Woops. I guess, the resolution I have every year is to keep growing, which I think I definitely did this year. I’ve gotten more responsible, more independent, less rash, more neutral, more in control of my own emotions, I’ve learned to say ‘no’ more, I’ve learned to not let people walk over me, even when they yell at me in a rage that I’m just being selfish, I’ve learned to grow past people who refuse to mature and I’ve learned to trust again with lots of breaks (baby steps on that last one, traumas are hard to overcome). 

All by all, a little of an ‘ugh’ year, but still a step up the ladder, all be it a small step after tumbling down two :p

[hunny-pp]

s4/f5 modern fencing au

this is my form of self indulgence as a fencer im not guilty

also i’m sorry for the fancy jargon, feel free to google ‘em or ask me

lawrence bluer: -exclusively foil fencer, tried epee once and didn’t enjoy it -one of the best technical fencers, he’s very spot on -helps out by refereeing bouts with Greg, though is only one out of the p4 that is an accredited ref, so he often refs national comps -does the best fleche ngl, it’s his signature move -in district competitions, he is always in the finals with Herman and always gets to 14-14 in them. Sometimes he wins sometimes he doesn’t. -a screamer fencer, esp in nationals

greg violet: -nowadays is not in the physical condition to fence regularly, but he specializes in epee bc he doesn’t have to worry abt much rules -still participates by refereeing both district and casual comps, is a good ref but people are scared of him -in charge of making club merch -really good at scoring points off hitting the foot and wrist -on the rare case he does compete, he normally gets 2nd or 3rd place in epee

herman greenhill: -fences all three blades but mostly does foil -is coached by alexis midford -normally wins u20s and open men’s foil comps, gets high ranking in nationals -in casual comps, he goes into finals with either edward or edgar but in district then its lawrence -specialises in strong parries and has a good lunging distance -breaks his blades most of the time

edgar redmond: -fancy fancy epeeist and foilist -uses a lot of extravagant moves to distract his opponents, he bounces on his feet, jumps and even jump flicks, frances hates him -had two fencers cheat their way into winning bouts against him and he has never been the same since -often gets told off for having hair covering target -rich enough to have an engraved foil guard

clayton: -mostly a foilist but occasionally does epee on training nights if not enough foilists ( he hates it tho, the difference irritates him) -he’s annoying to fence bc he flicks rly good, meaning that they hurt too -training to be a coach -has given up on making his hair neat for comps bc it’s gonna get messy in the mask anyway -rly good at using his height to his advantage

cheslock: -wild wild sabreist i shit u not, he knows how to have fun -how the hell he manages to keep his hair the way it is after bouts is a club mystery -likes to stick his tongue out when he wins a point -legit rly fun to fence, but scary bc he’s rly good -he once got all the sabreists in a national comp and had their own lil fun game (a true story, i saw it all happen, even the refs were watching)

edward midford: -a foilist but is the best in sabre -his mum coaches him, in comps she often yells at him while he fences -a rly disciplined fencer, has great technique and often likes to watch people and practise their techniques -he’s part of the screamer squad, so are herman and lawrence -it’s often him and cheslock in the sabre finals, always entertaining but the ref has to card them both for talking while fencing

joanne harcourt: -has fenced for two years now but he is an outstanding foilist -has to wear a sports headband to keep his hair out of his face, he always seems to lose it tho -young beginner fencers adore him, it inspired him to train to be a coach -gets rly anxious when he has to ref, he makes good calls but is not confident in it -has a nice rainbow blade on his foil soma asman kadar: -a top fencer from india, and is one of the highest ranking epeeists in the club and region -agni coaches him and only him -is a flashy fencer like edgar but does more fancy preps and is good at flicking -wears jewellry even while in bouts, he can make it work -is not a screamer but woops and cheers a lot

(bonus bc i’m still sad and this is my way of coping) agni:  -an epeeist and wow his technique is fast and remarkable -prefers not to compete bc he wants to support soma as much as he can and he doesn’t want to compete w him -only coaches soma but in national comps he has done coaching seshs for the fencers -really good at fleches, like wow he can fly

[smosh-stuff]

THE TIME HAS C O M E

So, as a preface to this, I would like to clarify; there are like, three basic types of high school au.

The cheesy 90's movie type, with stereotypical groupings (I.E, theres the jock, and the Nerd, and the goths, ect.)

The Normal type, which is literally just the characters/people in a high school setting. Nothing special, but still enjoyable.

And then. There is the angst type. Family issues, reckless behavior, mental issues, found family/breakfast club-esque situation.

Take one look at the links I provided in the last post about it and guess which one I went with. (I'm a sucker for hurt/comfort found family shit dON’T JUDGE ME) I should point out, none of this is supposed to reflect the crew's actual situations growing up. I know for the most part their families are great and cool people and I don't mean any disrespect to them by writing this!! Just imagine that any and all family members are basically OC's.

Also I sort of thought all of this up through short pieces of self-indulgent writing so this is all sort of based around a fic??? So any situational bits like that you can change or ignore if you want. I aint some gatekeeper my dudes.

ANYWAYS, with disclaimers and such out of the way, headcanons??? Headcanons

(Put under a read more because this is gonna be long af)

Okay. Joven, right? He's a nerd. Like. Comic books, video games, all that shite. 50% of his wardrobe is graphic tee's and hoodies, the other 50% is button ups and cardigans. (what a LOSER haaaaa)

And his family had some shit going on. Dad wasn't the best. Divorce things happened, and he ended up in his mom's custody while his brother went with his dad. And then, his mom took him and they moved away from the town he grew up in. Kinda sucks.

He ends up in a new, small house, and he and his mom don’t have a lot of money anymore, so his mom has to work two jobs and it isn't the greatest, but they try to make the best of it.

But y’know what new city means?? NEW SCHOOL OH BOY

So Joven tries his best but y’know bullies are a pretty universal aspect of public high schools. So he isn't having the best time; but those aren't the only people he meets.

In homeroom, he ends up sitting next to three other kids in the back of the room.

(I got that idea from this pic, it's actually where I got the whole idea for this AU from)

So. Lasercorn. I made him a punk kid.

But not like, the cool, only-wears-black, piercings and spikes and leather kind of punk.

The trashy kind of punk. Old-tshirts-ripped-jeans kind of punk. Skateboards and bloody knees and weed kind of punk.

(He listens to Blink-182, skateboarded as a teen and makes the most weed jokes. I COULDN’T HELP MYSELF)

And, much like Joven, his dad ain't the greatest guy. In a physical way. And his mom doesn't really do much to help him. So he spends most of his time out of the house, smoking or skating or both. 

This is where Sohin comes in.

Sohinki is pretty chill with most people in school, for a reason.

See, his dad isn't mean, but is almost never around. Always working or something. And his mom is a drugie, meaning that she is also out a lot, and when she isn't, she doesn't really pay him any mind. 

So, what do you do when you're a secretly neglected and attention-starved kid with a drugie for a mom, and you need spending money?

Get a retail job? Na

He's a weed dealer. He only sells weed tho, since he doesn't really condone the usage of harder stuff. He's a delinquent but that doesn't mean he into all that.

This is how he met Lasercorn, in freshman year, when he was first selling and Lasercorn was first buying. And they became friends and bonded over shitty parents and getting high. It's convenient, actually, because Lasercorn likes to stay out of the house most of the time and Sohinki doesn't have anyone that will care if he has people over. So lots of sleepovers!!!

And drug selling is also how the Bois met Mari.

So when I was figuring out Mari's character, I was thinking. Is there anything special I can do with her?? Like Lasercorn is punk, Sohinki sells drugs, what can I do here??? And then I realized.

Gross rave kids are a thing. I can't really fully explain why I chose this??? Like it just feels right for her in this story. So I'm running with it. (And I probably did way to much research on club drugs and illegal teenage activites for this haha woops)

Her parents are both there, but not a lot? Like they aren't super neglectful like Sohinki's but also don't really give her much attention at all. And they fight a Lot. Like constantly. There isn't a lot of peace in her house ever, and her parents are usually too busy being angry at each other to love her. She tried getting their attention with good grades and ballet, but it didn't work. They hardly ask her about grades, and she isn't sure if they've ever been to even on of her recitals. So, she said fuck it, and got into raving.

And there are like two kinds of teen raves? Approved ones, where there are people that don’t let you in with drugs or alcohol, more public events, really just glorified dance parties with underground music. Then there’s the underground ones, which are pretty illegal since it's a bunch of 13-25 year olds doing drugs and drinking alcohol in abandoned buildings. Three guesses for which type Mari frequents. A lot of dancing and cool stuff happens at underground raves. That's cool. Y'know what also happens at them that is kind of less cool? Girls getting drugged and raped. A lot less cool.

So she was at a party and she isn't careful enough, and gets her drink roofied. But before the assface that did it can make any moves, someone had called the cops. And everyone is leaving in a rush because they obvs don’t really feel like getting arrested. Guess who happened to be passing through the area when this goes down? Lasercorn and Sohin.

And they see everyone leaving, but then there's this girl who can barely walk and is passed out on the ground? And long story short theyre like shit we cant just let her get arrested/fucking die or something so they take her to Sohin's house, and the teen angst club gains a member!

So Joven gets seated near them in homeroom, and after a while he sort of joins their little friend group, they like him and hang out with him and he ends up liking them a lot because?? These are real friends??? Which he's never really had because back home nobody really liked him??? But these guys are so nice and funny despite how fucked their situations are??? And he joins the group.

About halfway through the year, Joven gets moved to an honors science class, and ends up sitting next to this kid who is really quiet and has long hair and dresses like some kind of emo anime dweeb. (I've decided that he wears black gauges because FUCK he would look good with earrings you cant tell me he wouldn’t) I wonder who that could be??

Well Joven gets help from him on the work in class, and starts talking with him a lot, and finds out his name is Wesley and that he is kind of an anime dweeb but isn't actually that emo or anything? He just likes that kind of music and stuff and dresses like it, but he actually is really sweet and funny and likes video games and stuff. 

And Wesley doesn't have any friends, really, because people are usually off-put by how he dresses/he can be very enthusiastic about his interests and stuff and people are dicks and make fun of him and bully him for that. And even though he is Large and pretty strong he doesn't want to hurt anyone so he doesn't fight back. So he sort of just learned how to shut himself up and stay quiet around people?? Because when he is his Energetic and happy self!! People don't like that. 

Wes is also part of team shit parents. His parents are Smart and have degrees and shit; and also have VERY high expectations for him, and don’t really care about much else when it comes to him. Wes is super Smart as well, all honors classes, straight A's, but it is never enough for his mom and dad. They expect high marks, but don't congratulate him on them, just deem them 'acceptable' and tell him to keep working. B's and lower are met with lectures and punishment. (He is also dealing with the fact that he has pretty bad ADHD but isn't getting any sort of treatment? And has to work through that.) Wes wants to make them happy, and all he wants is validation from them, but he never gets it and just ends up stressing way to much over his work. And teachers don't really do much to help? So he's kind of stuck in this rut of trying as hard as he can and doing great but not being told so. 

So when he meets Joven, who introduces him to the rest of the group, it's like??? Friends??? People who are impressed and happy for me??? And don't make fun of me when I get excited or make funny voices??? And he is so happy that he can finally be himself around people.

Finally, Flitz is brought in through Mari.

Flitz comes from a poor family, with no dad because sometimes people die when they shouldn't. (And that isn't because he is stereotypes, to be clear, he has mentioned that his dad wasn't around when he was growing up, and that he grew up poor and I kind of wanted to write that) But he doesn't let anyone know, and does sports and breakdancing and is super cool! But not really popular because he is very open with his weird personality and philosophical interests, which don’t really go over well with a bunch of shitty high school kids.

And he meets Mari when she sees him practicing his dancing by himself on the stage in the empty school auditorium, where she was going to practice her dancing a little. And they are like “2 person dance session??? Yes” 

And they have fun showing off and watching each other’s moves, and they get talking, and Mari is like. I know people who will like you.

And that’s what I got! They hang out and smoke weed sometimes (except Wes because asthma) and have fun and deal with bullies together, and they all just really love that they have friends who like them for them and it’s nice but also angsty and I love it.

Sorry that was so long but I had a lot to talk about. If you read this far, thank you for reading my rant!! And feel free to send me asks and talk to me about it. That’s all for now! ~<3

[athleisure-aesthetic]

Ugh I did the thing again where I was busy all week and forgot to post on here. So here’s a lightning fast recap of my workouts from the past week, if you care at all. I actually think I worked out (ish, except Friday kinda) every day which is a first in a while. Bless.

Tues Mar 21 Abs and shopping. I went home after work to get my car so that I could drive to trainings the next two days, but went out to Target as soon as I got home, cause duh. Stupid idea to try on like real clothes tho, my self-conscious ass was like ohhhhh no way you need to tighten up those saddle bags and that back fat before you get any of this. So. I got a crop sweatshirt and athletic leggings, felt bad about myself but hadn’t had dinner, so I went to Wawa. Woof.

3x each 15 reps straight leg raises 15 reps roll ups leaning camel x 45s bird dogs x 45s 60 reps heal touches plank 35s, 40s, 45s 10 reps assisted push up 40 reps russian twists 8# alternating superman 1 min 15 reps single leg pulses

Wed Mar 22 Run on the trail after this horrific training class in which I was literally the only student for an all day session. And I had to go back the next day 😩 went to Marshall’s before my run to see if I could find any cold weather gear bc I only had my sweatshirt, gloves, wool earwarmers, and thin leggings. Didn’t find any of that, but got those AMAZING NEON PINK LEGGINGS IN THAT ONE PICTURE and some other ones too. You know me, can’t stay away from that athleisure ish.

It was hella freezing and took me so long to warm up once I started on the trail. Fortunately it was so picturesque and my music was bangin so. I survived.

2.78 mi 9'55" min / mi

Thurs Mar 23 6 x 200m sprints on the trail. Bless up, convinced my instructor to finish early bc tbh he was not really all that helpful once I started following the book that was included, so I went to the mall and got some more athleisure (deh), cheap sunglasses, athletic ear warmers for $.50 each, a VERY cute lightweight rain jacket, and (!!!!!) these black leather slip-on sneakers I’ve been looking for for like 6 months. I just caved and got the name brand ones but stILl omg I’m so excited about them I finally found them.

Started the sprints in the cotton leggins I was wearing, then after like maybe 9 or 10 strides I was like oh FUCk no they suddenly lost all their elasticity and I was having to pull them up for my life. So after completely embarrassing myself hoisting those mothereffers up for my first sprint, I jumped in the car and changed into spandex pants, then zoomed back to the trail start and actually did my workout. Good thing my house is only 8 minutes away from that part of the trail.

I think I may have mis-read what my Nike app was telling me to do, but I’m pretty sure it said to do 6 x 200m sprints with 4:45 min in between. So that’s essentially what I did, I sprinted for the 200m and ran / jogged in between. Although the app only recorded the distance for the sprints, I wanna say I did a little more than the day before, since I went further on the trail. I hate that you can’t go back and check what it told you to do; you only see how you actually ran according to the app. Lame af. Though I was proud, I increased my sprint speed at almost every length except the 3rd.

0.77mi 6'59" min / mi (lol can’t believe I actually ran a mile faster than that at one point in my life holy shit)

Fri Mar 24 No real workout here, since I had to leave work early to take the train back to le Nova for Palooza. I scarfed down a Snap pizza (the classic spot) right before the show, and somehow stayed away from the dangers of late night college food. Though I did get all my steps in my showing one of our friends’ home friend around campus, and apparently that little tour counted for a nice brisk walk. Obvi the Snovas killed it, as a great opener for what my friends and I dubbed AcaWeekend. Saturday they’d be competing at ICCA regional semifinals #pitchperfect for the first time ever, which was so exciting. Palooza the day before was just their warmup, but fortunately we got to see two new songs from them. It kinda sucked for them though bc they went first out of the seven groups and the sound guys always need a few groups to warm up before they actually refine the balance, and they just sounded muddled. Womp. Oh well. Everyone knows they’re/we’re the best anyway. Proud alum.

Sat Mar 25 Run in the morning before the day’s festivities. This was a quick workout before most of the humans who stayed in my apartment became humans, a brief mile ish to the waterfront and back. I realized I’d been wearing a blueish shirt and black leggings in literally all of my pics lately so I spiced it up with these fun stripey ones. Lol.

We adventured to brunch, where I had a yummy spinach and goat cheese salad with fig dressing, and wandered around the city for the afternoon before we had to head to semis. I splurged on Hunger Burger at RTM because I told myself that this was my indulgence for the weekend, and I wasn’t going to be drinking anymore for the next few months (it’s not like I do it that often anyway, I just want to try it to see how it helps my training/weight loss, if at all), so I got a specialty thin mint shake. Woops. Honestly, it was so worth it though, and I didn’t even end up eating most of the fries anyway, so it wasn’t the worst I could’ve done.

At semis, there were literally so many good groups and we were all like oh shit how are they going to stack up?? But Snovas SLAYED even better than they did last time and ENDED UP IN THIRD PLACE WHICH IS THE CRAZIEST BEST HONOR WE’VE EVER GOTTEN AND IT’S JUST SO COOL!!!!! A cappella is the shit, guys, I swear. I’m so proud of those kiddos, and they get to submit a wildcard video for a chance at Finals in NYC which is like legitimately insane. They’re somewhere in the top 18-27 groups in the country right now, and coming from a school where we legit don’t have music majors and a joke of a music activities staff / support, this coulD NOT be cooler. They murdered it. And so did all the other groups at semis, like damn. We weren’t even sure anything was gonna happen for them, but they clearly did some things right. Ugh so obvi we celebrated when we got back to Philly, going to a few bars and ending up at Frankford, where we got some amazing soft pretzels and other snacks. Best day ever.

1.26 mi 9'21" min / mi

1.32 mi 10'03" min / mi

Sun Mar 26 Long ish run and relaxing. Got up and was worried about the weather forecast for Monday because I was supposed to be doing my long run for next week then, and it was going to be torrentially downpouring all day, so I was hoping to switch my days because the weather was decent enough that I could’ve done it on Sunday. But then I updated my app and A, it changed my schedule for this week anyway, and B, I remember I could’ve moved it anyway if I wanted to. So instead I went and did that 5K Sunday challenge thing that it introduced. And I ran back from there, so it actually was closer to the 5 miles I had wanted to do anyway. So ya.

I felt a little subconscious in these leggings because, though they are a spectacularly bright and amazing color, they also show my cellulite on the back of my legs… but I thought, fuck it, people will see me, and if they give me a look, I’ll just push harder and show them that cellulite means nothing if you’re fast and capable and strong. So. I used it to empower me, I guess.

Spent the rest of the day relaxing and watching ICCA videos, still hyped up on the Snovas victory. Legit it’s still coming to me in waves, it’s actually incredible.

3.11 mi 9'41" min / mi

1.53 mi 9'44" min /mi

Mon Mar 27 Full body circuit and a benchmark run. Work is starting to bore me so much lol on Monday I think I may have done approximately 2 work related things all day, otherwise I was just distracted. I decided to do a NTC workout and then my benchmark, so I chose Body Flexor 2.0, which worked a lot of different areas and was pretty fun. Then I ran on the treadmill for my benchmark for the first time, which was weird knowing my exact speed at certain times and being able to force myself to a certain pace. If I have to do it that way again, next time I’ll just cover the numbers and just focus on how it feels to push hard. The picture up there is me literally dying because of how sweaty I was. Plus fun leggings from Marshall’s.

1.54 mi 9'49" min / mi

Tues Mar 28 Abs / some arms, plus 20 minutes on the elliptical. I was an idiot today, and not only forgot a hair tie after my shower, but I left my phone at home, which I realized too late in the elevator on the way to work. Nice. So I had to go without both all day, though Kelly let me borrow a hair tie so I could work out thank GoD cause I was looking at using a legit rubber band, which would’ve been awful. The moves I chose for abs today ended up also working my arms a lot, which was nice to combo them. Because I didn’t have my phone, I just kind of had to make up my elliptical workout, which was meh but whatever. Next time I’ll be prepared. That’s definitely not my favorite type of cardio anyway.

Tonight I made these AMAZING baked zucchini fries, I probably could’ve eaten like 90 million in one sitting they were so crunchy and good. My sweet potato fries didn’t turn out so good (I actually burned the shit out of them, but I’m going to attempt to eat them tomorrow for lunch anyway 🙃) but I’m happy I’m trying new things in the kitchen, even if it’s taking me like 3 hours each time lolol.

I’m down a few pounds from last week, though, which is kind of nice! A little affirmation after working hard every day.

3x each 15 reps dumbbell side bends alt. sides 8# 15 reps twisting core stabilizers alt. sides 8# 15 reps bow extensions alt. sides 8# 15 reps woodchops 8# 10 reps windmills 5# 40 reps russian twists 8# 30 s plank 7 reps full extension inch worms 15 reps in-&-outs

Wooooof I’m going to try to post more often now that I’m all caught up. Lol it may last for a day but you know. #Goals.

[sword-and-quill]

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@cockenay said: I’m gonna commence this commentary in stating that it was an ABSOLUTE BLAST to read; it’s really difficult to retain tension in fight sequences, especially if these fight sequences are relatively long, but I didn’t have any problems remaining focused on the action. The physical confrontation itself was delighting to read – you have knack for illustrating the severity and inevitably of whatever looming menace’s there to come without having to resort to excessive and/or overtly self-indulgent depictions of violence – and very nicely emphasized the big deal of good ol’ emotional manipulation Thein’s got going on.

The strong discrepancy between his expressed (again, pretty paternal sounding) ‘Actually, I’m really just trying to do what’s best for you!’ mentality vs. 'Woops, rip broken. Punched and kicked you.’ is extremely effective, because it’s brutal and confusing and it makes Mara’s reactions and emotions believable and understandable. Even after everything that happened, Thein’s nonchalant willingness to hurt her … surprised me. It stung, perhaps for it’s remarkable /easy/ for him to do so – if I hadn’t classified him as villain by now anyways, this excerpt would certainly strongly consolidate him as such. Especially the eventual ‘Look what you almost made me do to you!’ (at least, this what was his last lines quintessentially sounded to me) characterizes the abuse.

Thank you very much! :D This is one of the longest action sequences, so I’ve been working really hard on ensuring it’s worth the reader’s time. Usually I don’t like to spend too much time on explicit violence, but in this case, I really needed it to be absolutely unambiguous.

I’m so happy you’ve specifically called it abuse. That’s a really weird thing to say, I know, but that’s literally the ENTIRE point of the scene - to establish Thein not only as a villain, but as an abuser. As I’ve discussed a little in earlier posts, the story is fundamentally about people coping with trauma, fear, and mistrust! The worst thing that could happen, in my mind, is to leave room for someone to excuse Thein’s behaviour.

I’m stoked to learn which function Thein’s gonna have later. One of my favourite descriptions you used here is, in fact, the one chosen for the beasts – the image of these large claws scrapping over pavement somehow evoked a definitely eery sensation that I found to be /physically/ revolting. Like nails on chalkboard, only exponentially worse.

Even though I initially believed these creatures to be significantly smaller, since you mentioned Mara worrying about “tripping” over one of them – my first association was …I don’t know, bulldog-shaped hellhound-thing. In that regard, I was a bit confused that she outruns them – perhaps because I simply don’t know enough about her physical (supernatural) capabilities, but I didn’t intuitively expect her to outrun canines. If they even ARE canines.

Thank you for the note! I’ll be sure to elucidate her capabilities early on so that other readers aren’t left questioning the same thing. :) Though most dogs run at an average of 30ish kph (of course, many can go faster than that, especially when sprinting for short distances) and top-tier humans can run at around 45kph! Since Mara is supernaturally imbued, she is pretty darn fast, but... it needs to be clear that she is, so I will be extra cautious.

In the second sentence you’ve got a formulation which I stumbled over: “[…]full of cracks from years of neglect and use.” I know what you mean, though on first glance the (pseudo-)antithesis in “neglect” and “use” slightly irritated me! It’s probably just me, but ‘neglect’ led me to think Ah yes. Neglected. Passively rotten. Forgotten.’ and 'use’ contrasted this uncomfortably. I mean, I realize you CAN neglect something while using it (excessively), of course. Still!

Ooooooo. A very fair point! I appreciate you bringing my attention to that! I will make a modification there to wipe away the dissonance between those adjectives & clarify my meaning.

Haha. Glad you posted this one! Like with the diablerie of Liesl’s, absolutely the right decision, always a delight to have the chance to read some of your work!!! :D

I really was anxious about it, specifically because of the degree of interpersonal violence, but I really value your feedback so I’m glad! Thank you so much for taking the time to read it and send me your thoughts!!!