#//yeah im just going to put this here for now

[jjkbambi]

frat flu luigi mangione x virgin!reader 18+

summary!!! (smut inspired by this request) you’re set to interview frat president luigi mangione for the penn newsletter!

note: fratboy!luigi but not reallyyyy associated to that cheating demon storyline. written as a standalone but could be seen as a prequel if you squint. unedited but happy new years

warnings: long fic cuz we need a reason to be fuckin, sad bc luigi’s sad, comfort, an attempt at fluff, and of course smut, dubcon (he grinds on you while you’re sleeping), so dry humping, p in dis v (VIRGINNN)

luigi mangione, as described by his fraternity brothers: “cool,” “mega smart,” and “totally chill.” all phrases you could blindly draw from a hat to describe a stranger walking down the street.

surely, this couldn’t be your debut in penn today. a spotlight on the brightest mind on campus, phi kappa psi fraternity president luigi mangione. top of his class at a mysterious luxury private high school, started a hash brown business at sixteen, and, according to his linkedin, volunteers at local libraries, elderly homes, and animal shelters during breaks back home. he’s got a first aid/cpr certification, a bartending license, and a squeaky clean record.

“he doesn’t even complain on yelp,” you groan.

your friend, lacy, sits in the drivers seat, shaking her head. “maybe he’s just nice.”

you shoot a glare at her.

she raises her hands, defensive. “i’ve only heard good things!”

���oh, well, if he was really so nice, he wouldn’t have canceled on me a hundred and one times.” as if he’d heard you, your phone pings—his name flashing on the screen.

from luigi Hey pretty! Something came up today. So sorry. Can I see you another time?

“one hundred and two,” you declare, showing her your phone screen. at this point, it felt less like inconvenience and more like cruelty. his constant rejections, delayed responses, and last-minute reschedules were a relentless reminder of your looming failure to finish the piece on the phi kappa psi house. journalism club was going to fucking kill you.

“y/n, he literally could not have been nicer.” she finally puts the car into park. the both of you look outside.

frustration had been simmering for weeks, growing with every missed promise. almost two months ago, he’d smiled big and earnest, assuring you he’d meet for the interview—yet here you were, still waiting. the distance between you two seemed to stretch with every passing day, and you couldn’t summon the energy to pretend you still cared for niceties.

you’re outside his fraternity house, calling him, he surprises you by answering almost immediately, his voice low and hoarse, like he’s just woken up. “hello?”

“hi, it’s y/n.”

“oh,” he says, tone dipping as he cleared his throat. “hey, how are you?”

“yeah, i’m fine,” you say, unbuckling your seatbelt. “i just wanted to talk—”

“yeah, i know ‘m sorry,” he tells you, sincerity to be debated. “i’ve just been a bit all over the place these past few weeks.”

lacy mouths, “im staying in the car.”

nodding, you hop out, a familiar sense of anticipation lingering. it’s not your first time at the fraternity house, but each visit feels different. the mansion, though grand, has a worn charm—earth-toned walls and overgrown grass, with boys constantly darting across the yard. trash cans overflow with aluminum cans, remnants of the never-ending chaos.

“no, i get it, i do. i, you know, am busy all the time.”

“oh, i’m sure,” he says. “are you free next weekend?”

you didn’t even have to check your schedule to know you were free. but you were already here. “well, actually, i just, um…” you feel a bit of your confidence deflating as you trespass their yard. your face flushes and you suddenly feel the eyes of the other brothers staring at your silhouette like curious dogs, unsure of whether to bark or bite. “i was just passing by the neighborhood, i was wondering if i could come over now?”

he yawns. “what? you mean right now?”

“is that alright?”

“how far away are you?”

“yeah, uh, i’m outside your front door.”

“oh?” he says, clearly taken off-guard. the embarrassment finally settles in. what the hell were you doing?

“you know what, never mind. i’m so sorry,” you flush, spinning on your heel and rushing down the steps, avoiding eye contact with the other guys.

you’re not sure if it’s your heart stopping or the phone call ending, but it’s in that moment that the blackwood door opens. you turn around, and the brown-haired boy steps through, looking disheveled, with dark bags under his eyes as if he hasn’t slept. though, despite that, he’s in gray sweatpants and a long sleeved black compression shirt.

“y/n, come on in,” luigi says, his voice booming, almost too loud for the quiet pennsylvania street. he glances toward the team of players in the front yard, bringing attention to you all over again. “this is the journalist for the penn.”

you shuffle up the steps again. “it’s called penn daily.”

“right,” he nods, eyes searching your body up and down. “you want a jacket?”

you’re in leggings and a tank top. you’re shivering. “no, no, i like the cold.”

the brown-haired boy shakes his head, grabbing one off the coat rack anyway and tossing it over to you.

“you’ll like the jacket even better.”

as he guides you through the house, the weight of the silence surrounds you. you’ve only ever seen the place during parties—neon LED lights casting strange shadows, tables covered in empty Solo cups and suspicious piles of random powders. it always felt like a place of unrecognizable chaos, where everyone was too busy to think about much else but the next round of shots or whatever game they were playing. but today, in the quiet of the late morning, the house feels different. the lights aren’t flashing, the music isn’t blasting, and there’s no throng of people rushing around. it feels oddly intimate, even though it’s still just as cluttered as always.

“is this what it looks like clean?” you ask, only half-joking.

“be nice,” luigi barks, tone plain as he rolled his eyes in faux annoyance. “we had a long night yesterday,” he gestures to the crowds of twentysomethings outside, one group cleaning off the mountain of soda and beer cans off the plastic gray tables, the other playing ping pong. “another long night ahead. you should come.”

the invitation doesn’t sway you, you’re distracted by his face. though his curly hair is neatly cut, and his chocolate brown eyes hold a quiet, dark intensity. his tall frame fills up the room, the way he stands commanding attention without trying. his features are sharp, framed by thick eyebrows, and his smile is small, barely there, and it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. he offers it to you as if it’s expected. there’s an underlying feeling you can’t shake. it’s like you can tell it’s forced. you’ve seen enough of him in passing (and in stalking) to know this isn’t the usual “luigi” you’re used to seeing at parties or around campus.

you bite the inside of your cheek. “you know, if today’s a bad day, you don’t have to—”

“no, babe, it’s fine,” he says, the term rolling off his tongue like it’s second nature.

in the short time you’ve known him, you’ve picked up on his knack for nicknames and gathered you probably shouldn’t be flattered—all the boys in this frat were entirely too flirty.

he pushes the door to his bedroom open, stepping aside to let you in. “shouldn’t take too long, right?”

“sure,” you lie as you slip past him, fingers brushing over the notepad tucked in your back pocket, your mind racing with questions you’re suddenly too aware of.

“well then, it’s no rush,” he says.

quickly, you notice the collection of allergy medication at his desk. a heinous amount of nyquil, half-empty bottles scattered among crumpled tissues and unopened water bottles. it’s almost comical, the way his organized chaos betrays the “untouchable golden boy” image you’d pieced together. his desk, once probably neat and deliberate, now looks like the scene of a losing battle against the flu. curious, you ask, “bad fever?”

luigi laughs dryly. “something bad, that’s for sure.”

you feel yourself sink at the admission. instinctively, you reach up to feel his forehead, your fingers hovering just shy of his skin. it’s a simple gesture, something you wouldn’t think twice about doing for one of your roommates, but as soon as your hand makes contact, he stiffens, his body recoiling ever so slightly. the movement is subtle but enough to make you hesitate, pulling your hand back as his lashes flicker up to meet yours.

“jesus christ,” you gasp. “you’re burning up.”

luigi doesn’t answer immediately, his gaze lingering on you just a moment too long, his eyes a little softer than usual.

“think i’ll be fine,” he says, but there’s an edge to his voice, like he’s trying to brush it off. it feels more like he’s saying it for both of you than for himself.

a pang of guilt hits you hard—a reminder of how you’d pushed for this interview while he was clearly feeling terrible. all those ridiculous, relentless messages, the nagging about deadlines while he was probably just trying to get through the day. god, you feel like an idiot.

you cup his cheeks, serious. “you should really get to bed.”

“what, and miss the privilege of being interrogated by the penn’s finest?” he teases, leaning into you. you’re struck at how warm he was, how utterly unprofessional you were coming off as, how awful it would be to pull away.

the article, you remind yourself, inching away. “if you pass out mid-question, it’s not going to make for a great article.”

“least i’ll be a shoo-in for the sympathy vote next semester,” luigi says with a wry chuckle, his tone light but laced with something deeper as he glances back up at you, almost as if testing your reaction.

“come on,” he reaches for your hand when you frown, interlocking your fingers and swaying you. he doesn’t pull you too close, something about the way he’s looking at you has you sure he’ll never give you the satisfaction, but your fingers interlock and there’s a hint of a smirk playing at the edge of his lips, smugness plain. “i couldn’t let you walk out here so fast. you know what they would say about me if they thought i let down a pretty girl like you?”

you feel your face go pink but your ego won’t let his flirting power last. his forehead was burning hotter than sauna, he probably didn’t know what was even happening. “you look like you haven’t even slept,” you say, matter-of-factly. “would you just sit down?”

“trust me, this headache’ll be gone before you can even say sto meglio con te,” he says, his voice a little softer than usual.

he grins as your brow furrows. “you could put that in your article. successful, speaks italian, looks like shit.”

“i didn’t mean that. i’m just worried.” ignoring the fluttering in your stomach and his persistent gaze, you turn your phone over. “i could order you some soup. there’s a really nice pho place down the road—”

“what’re you, my girlfriend?”

“mangione,” you sigh. “you’re being impossible.”

“baby,” he says, the word slipping from his lips with a teasing familiarity that catches you off guard. it pierces straight through your ego, sharp and unexpected. “i promise, ive got way more interesting things to talk about than allergies. come on, ask me.”

before you can react, another voice calls from outside, and you hear hurried footsteps approaching the door. luigi hesitates for a second, glancing at you. a younger group of fraternity brothers peeks in, looking urgent.

“hey, we’ve got a problem with the fundraising paperwork—someone made a mistake with the donations, and it needs to be fixed or we’re going to miss the deadline,” one of them explains, his voice tight with stress.

“who was in charge of that?” luigi asks, a lilt of accusation in his tone.

the younger twentysomethings look around, feigning innocence, avoiding eye contact. “whatever, it doesn’t matter,” he mutters, rubbing his eyes. “i’ll take care of it.”

he squeezes your hand before he leaves the room, saying, “stay put for me.”

so you sit on his navy blue bed, stiff and idle, your mind wandering as you wait. you text lacy and tell her you’ll catch up with her later as the constant sound of chaos fills your ears. you hear the house scrambling through the halls and luigi’s answering calls and questions, directing people, moving them out the way. the speakers for the party this weekend just got delivered, the delta 3 girls are inviting them to volunteer at their annual car wash, and there’s a leak in the basement that needs immediate attention. after what feels like hours, you can’t keep your eyes open anymore. exhaustion pulls at you, and without even realizing it, you fall asleep on his bed, the rhythmic noise of his busy life buzzing around you.

“y/n,” luigi exhales as he finally re-enters the room, his exhaustion evident in every step.

he’s greeted at the sight of your body sprawled across his bed, eyes fluttered shut with his jacket blanketed over your silhouette. he’s not so sure what comes over him, but he locks the door. your peaceful slumber is a stark change from the drunk mayhem on the other side of the door, and he’s intent on keeping the peace. the bed dips under his weight as he sinks down beside you, too tired for niceties. without a word or a second’s hesitation, he pulls the jacket off you and brings your tired body closer to his.

it starts off innocent. his arms are wrapped around your stomach, your body limp against his. he cradles into the nape of your neck—and you’re so soft and you smell so good, he can’t help himself. he tells himself he won’t take it too far. starting with small, sweet kisses against the side of your neck, almost tickling you out of your unconsciousness. you sleepily squirm under his hold and he’s straining in his sweatpants before he can make sense of it.

“you’re so pretty,” luigi whispers. it would be a waste, really, to have you this close without touching you. using you.

he grinds his hips against your plump ass. he’s so fucking hard, he really can’t help it. he has to have you, but he can’t bring himself to wake you—you’d been so sweet to him earlier, doe eyes wide with concern—he figures he has to return the favor somehow, right? letting you nap in his bed feels like the least he can do.

“you’ve got no idea how often i lose my mind thinkin’ about this, about you,” he confesses. the noise outside is loud, chaotic—a world away from the quiet intensity between you. it’s too loud for anyone else to know of the secret unfolding here, in the space of his touch and the weight of his gaze.

he’s rougher now, tightening his grip on your hips as he jerks himself into you. you were so worried about him earlier. you’d want this, wouldn’t you? to help him out, make him feel better?

his defense of plausible deniability falls apart piece by piece. one of his hands stray from your hip to your clothed core, rubbing you, desperate for friction. he groans into your back. you were wet, he was sure of it, he had to make sure of it. he slips his hands down your leggings and rushes to palms your wetness. he has to make sure you’re feeling just as good as he was.

you shudder at the touch, slowly bringing yourself from rem to reality. the room is hotter than you remembered, and you almost shriek as you realize luigi’s hands had been all over you. he’s quick to put his hand over your mouth, talking in your ear, “‘m sorry baby, couldn’t resist.”

his sloppy wet kisses are hot against your neck, so frantic, so desperate, so needy, his stubble unnerving you as you squirm under his hold. you can hardly make sense of what’s happening. “luigi.” you mewl as he grinds his clothed cock into you. “what’re you doing?”

he moans at the perfect blend of innocence and surprise twined through your voice. its undeniable now — he can’t spend another second not experiencing you.

“you said you wanted to make me feel better, yeah?” luigi grunts. before you can respond, he’s slipping a finger into your wet pussy. you jolt at the wild unfamiliar storm that grasps you, trying to turn your head over to him, to look at him, to ask him what the hell had gotten into him. he kisses you when your head tilts, his free hand wrapping around your throat.

“that’s so much fuckin’ better,” he tells you, stretching your core out with another two fingers. he’s so eager—so intent on making a mess of you, you’re almost humiliated at how easily you fall apart underneath.

you quiver and shake, and try to twist out of his groping hands, but he doesn’t budge, pressing harder into you. “you’re doin’ so fuckin’ good for me, sweetheart,” he swears.

“luigi,” you cry, helpless. the friction felt so hot it made you light-headed. the pleasures storms out any logical part of you. “i don’t—i don’t know what to do.”

of course you don’t. you were entirely too sweet, too well-meaning, too fuckin’ stupid to realize how badly he wanted you. running up to him after his gym workout, bright-eyed as you asked him to hang out. not on a date, not even as friends, but for a stupid fucking college paper. he should’ve taken you right there, in the parking lot, let you scream on it so loud the entire campus knew you were his, saved all this goddamn time.

“you’re a fuckin’ virgin?” luigi asks. he needs to hear you say it.

he rips his hand from your aching cunt and you cry out at the loss of friction.

“yes,” you pout.

“any good journalist knows to use specifics.” you see a cocky grin etch onto his lips before he flips you over and brings you in for a proper kiss, your arms wrapping around his neck as he sinks into you. you kiss him back. you wanted this, whatever it was. “tell me again.”

“i’m a virgin,” you admit, reddening.

he smiles against your cheek before kissing you again—“been waiting for me, yeah? you want me to take you?”

“luigi, please.”

“what’s that?” he says, cruel.

you pout again and try to please him, rushing into another kiss. he captures your lips gladly, but refuses to bring you to the satisfaction of salvation.

all too mean, he points out, “you don’t even know what you’re begging for.”

at this point you were sure you could get drunk off the warmth of him. if you bucked up into the air, you could feel his bulge raging against his sweatpants.

“i want you,” you whine. “i mean—i just—i thought you wanted me too..?”

“of course i do. look at you.” luigi grunts before he strips off his shirt, ripping down your leggings with a force that pulls your body down the bed with him. his dark gaze drifts down.

you flush at the sight of the wet mess all over your legs. “you did all that just for me?” luigi mocks. “you want me that fuckin’ bad?”

“yes,” you have no idea why but you do. you can’t imagine a world where you walk away now and never experience him.

luigi never had any intention of being nice about this. his morals and his plans for the night unraveled the moment his eyes found you sprawled across his bed. harshly, he grips your hips—sure to leave marks, hoping for it—before pounding the entirety of his length into your purity.

the stretch scorches, searing into you. you see white, red, and hell all at once. “luigi—!” you cry out.

“you’re so good,” luigi assures. he tries to pace himself as you fall apart underneath him. he tries he tries he tries—but your inexperienced pussy molds around him, so perfect and wet, he can’t help himself.

you feel everything but perfect. unnerved and wild and overwhelmed, whimpering underneath him like a sick puppy. he fucks into you like he’s itching to see if you’ll break.

“it hurts,” you whine.

“you look so fuckin’ pretty with your legs spread,” luigi says. “can’t get enough of this perfect pussy.”

you paw at him, desperate for sacred ground, grip landing on his arms, hard and toned underneath your fingertips. he smirks. “feelin’ me up, sweetheart? you like my arms?”

the sound of skin slapping overtakes your corner of the world. you’d seen him before, but never like this. you’ve never had anything like this.

“luigi.” you whimper. “i can’t, you’re so big—”

“i know, pretty, i know,” he murmurs, kissing the running wet tears down your cheeks. “d’you remember the night you went up to me after the gym? d’you remember what you were wearing?”

you can’t help but claw your fingers deep into his arm muscles, desperate to find a vice for the pain. “oh my god,” you gasp. he pounds into you relentlessly and before you realize, you’re rolling into waves of foreign pleasure.

“stupid fuckin’ tank top,” luigi groans. pleasure storms you as he gets more brazen. he pulls down your camisole, lapping at your tits, biting you, marking you. “wind blew over and i got to see your perfect fuckin’ nipples. wanted to tear you apart right there.”

“what? really?”

“had to jack off in my fuckin’ car thinking about you, about this,” he murmurs before smashing his mouth back onto yours—and this time, you feel more prepared to bear it, melting into his warmth, lips perfectly reunited. you’re shivering under the heat. he fucks you hard into the mattress, hellbent on breaking you in. you’re sure he’s accomplished it already. you’re dizzy and light and on top of the goddamn world.

he sees through you. “fuckin’ close?”

“i-i think so—”

“so fuckin’ stupid,” he muses. “stupid fuckin’ virgin, doesn’t even know when she’s gonna cum.”

“you’re so mean,” you whine.

“yeah, you think so?” he growls, his voice low and dangerous as his hand strikes your cheek. the sting blooms like fire, another cruel signature of his dominance, a mark left behind in his endless quest to tarnish the golden purity you wear so effortlessly. his wicked touch moves down to your delicate clit and the sparks of pleasure turn into storms. you’re done for, waves of white gushing around him as you cry out his name.

“oh god,” luigi groans. “such a good girl, creamin’ on it like that. so perfect.”

the jolt of pleasure within you only makes you more sensitive. this time, when his hands return to your body, they’re clamped around your neck. he’s pulling into you, punishing your delicate cunt. as you quiver and froth, his thrusts grow sloppy and he rasps again—this time more guttural, more intense—and soon enough you feel his huge cock twitch inside of you, sending streams of his seed into your stomach.

he joins your silhouette on the bed, his warmth melting into yours as he pulls you close. his arms wrap around you, steady and secure, and his lips press softly to your forehead.

“‘m sorry,” he murmurs into your hair, his voice low and soothing. “didn’t mean to get so rough.”

you struggle to find the breath, then the words, “no, i—i think it was fine.”

he looks at you, his smile fading into something more thoughtful, his gaze deepening with quiet admiration. “just fine?” he asks, his voice laced with a hint of playful disbelief.

you meet his gaze, your heart fluttering, and with a mischievous glint in your eye, you hum,

“penn’s finest.”

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[sturnslutz]

INTRODUCING... hockeyplayer!chris and shy!reader

chris had just received his fourth "F" this semester in economics. he was also the star hockey player in the school even as a freshman. everyone knew the infamous christopher sturniolo. some reasons good, some bad.

you knew chris because obviously, the star hockey player, and the well known player, but also because he was in your econ class. you had sat behind him the whole year. not from your own personal choice, but because your row was the very last one and no one sat there.

the clock just went off and chris had just got back to his seat, looking down at his paper in disbelief at the big red "F" on his paper. he grabbed his bag with a huff as you remained in your seat, watching as he walks down the stairs, speed walking to the professor. you have your headphones in so you cant hear what they're saying but you see the professor pointing up at you and both pairs of eyes staring directly up at you.

you take out one headphone, watching chris as he runs back up the stairs and slams his paper down on your desk infront of you. "you need to tutor me." "w-what?" you say as your voice comes out scratchy due to how long you haven't talked.

"please. you're the smartest 'n the class. 'm not gonna be able to play in next week's match if i don' get a C or higher on the next test." "um alright." you nod softly looking down at his hand infront of you that was gripping the desk so tightly and caused his knuckles to turn white.

"can i get your number? jus' so we can talk about where we can meet." he says as he takes his phone out of his pocket and hands it to you. you nod and take the phone, your glasses falling slightly down your nose in the process. he notices this and lifts them back up gently. "there ya' go, honey." he says, much gentler than before as your face flushes and you type your number into his phone.

he notices your shyness, but decides to not say anything about it. you hand back his phone, your fingers grazing over each others. "ill text you soon, yeah?" he says as he steps back and takes his paper as he looks down at you waiting for your response. you nod and let out a simple hum. he smiles and mutters a "thank you" before walking down the stairs once again, out of the room.

your gaze follows him out of the room before you and the professor are the last ones in the room, and you stand up, storming down the steps. "jack, seriously? you just had to make the chris sturniolo talk to me and force me to be his tutor? cmon. thought you were better than that." he just simply shrugs. "relax, kid. chris is nice when he wants to be. he was the one who asked me first if you're a good tutor, and i just recommended you. that's all. its also a good experience to help put yourself out there. your mom asked me to help put more opportunities in front of you. now, pack up your stuff. you staying here for lunch or you going out? i have a couple more things i need you to help grade on."

mr.smith, or known as jack to you, is your uncle on your mom's side. hes you helped you decide your major in business, and hes always trying to get you out of your shell. no one besides the two of you know that you guys are related, and he grades you like everyone else. you just happen to get all A's. you also stayed in his class during lunch and talk like never before, and help him grade assignments.

later on, you're in your dorm, thankfully by yourself as you didnt get assigned a roommate and huddled in bed, reading. chris hasnt left your mind all day, and he still hasnt texted. right when you decided to call it a night and in the process of turning off your bedside light, your phone dings. "fuck." you mutter as you sigh and pick up your phone. a random number pops up and below is a text.

"hey honey, its chris. can i come over now???"

you roll your eyes, typing away.

"chris its 11 already, i was about to go to sleep.."

"please. i know its late but this is one of the only times im free. we'll be quick, promise."

"fine. im in dorm 11 in building 453. code to get in is 5678."

"ill be there soon. :)"

you sigh, standing up and putting your glasses back on. you had no urge to impress chris, but felt it was more than polite to just tidy up. you put on a pair of shorts and sat in your bed with your computer infront of you, as you sit in a tanktop and silk pajama shorts, patiently waiting for him.

your thoughts are interrupted at a knock as you let out a soft, "come in." he lets himself in, smiling softly at you, and you didnt miss the way his eyes raked over your body. "hey." he says as he shuts the door, setting his stuff down on your desk. you smile softly, looking down at your computer.

"you wanna work on your bed or at the desk?" he says as he sits down on your fluffy desk chair. you shrug. he sighs, grabbing his stuff and walking over to sit next to you on your bed, sliding his shoes off on the side. your knees bump against each other and he makes no move to move his.

"so, mr. smith said you were the smartest in the class and could really help me. 's that right now?" he says as he smirks and leans on his arm that was against his leg. you shrug once again, mentally cursing out your uncle. "um, i guess." you say, not louder than a whisper, even though you were in the comfort of your own room.

"'s okay, honey. no need to be scared of me. im jus' complimenting you 'n acknowledging your smartness or whateva' 's called." you laugh softly at this and he smirks once again. "im not scared." you say softly, looking up at him through your glasses. "no? then why cant you talk to me, hon?" you shrug once again.

"i don' really talk to anyone." you embarrassingly admit. "you should. 'm sure all the boys would be after you if you did. you're beautiful, y'know that right?" he says as he sits up again, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear.

you were aware this was most definitely a tactic of his to get into girls' beds, but you couldn't pull away. you shrug once again. "hm. wan' me to prove to you how pretty ya' are?" you nod without hesitation and he smirks as he leans in and kisses your lips softly, humming against them. his hand falls to your hip as you lean back, gripping your soft comforter under you.

he pulls away and sets your computer and his papers on the floor next to you and he turns back to you, reaching under your shirt, rubbing his hands around your hips and stomach as he kisses you again. you shudder from his cold hands but quickly lean back into the kiss. you pull away as you feel his hands, go further up. "'m a virgin." you quickly admit as he smiles again, reaching for your glasses, taking them off and putting them to the side.

"thats alright, baby. dont worry about it. ill take real good care of you." he says as he rubs your cheek. "do you trus' me?" you nod and he reaches for your shirt, lifting it over your body. his eyes rake over your bare chest as he smirks and leans down and kisses all over your chest.

you gasp as your head falls back, your hair falling down your back as he kisses around your soft tits, and licks the bud of one before sucking on it as you moan softly and he hums against it at your reaction.

as time goes on, your mind cant even process how you got in this position. you were under chris as the both of you were naked and he's been teasing you with his tip against your folds for the past 10 minutes.

"cmon baby. i know you can use your words. say what you wan', 'n ill give it to you." he says as he smiles at your stubbornness despite you being crazy shy. you shake your head no as you cant even imagine yourself asking chris for his dick.

he sighs, shaking his head as he grabs his length tapping it against your clit, and sliding it through your folds which was practically dripping now. "then you aren't gettin' it." he shrugs as he looks down at your already tired face despite barely doing anything.

"f-fine. please put it in me, chris." you practically whisper. he tuts as he shakes his head again. "needa be louder than that. i know you can." you let out a choked sob at his words. "shh dont cry, baby." he coos as he leans over, wiping your tears, still not letting his smirk off his face. "jus' needa hear you say it a bit louder, that's all." "chris please put it in me!" you yell as he nods, smiling. "thereee we go." he says he starts stretching you out, inch by inch, shushing your whines and hisses while whispering sweet praises to you.

he finally bottoms out, and stays still until you give him permission to move. he notices the bulge in your belly and almost cums on the spot. he accidentally thrusts slightly into you as you let out a hiss. "sh-shit. sorry baby." you disregard his sorry as you shake your head. "you can move." you let out with a breath. he nods. "let me know if you wan' me to stop." you nod as he starts moving in and out of you at an unbelievably slow pace.

after a bit, you allow your pain to turn into pleasure. "go faster." "yeah? you sure?" you nod as he begins moving in and out of your soft hole faster than before, grabbing your hips for stability. you moan as you grab the sheets next to you as he continues going faster.

"f-fuck. squeezing me so damn tight, baby. 'm not gonna last much longer." "me either!" you say as you let out a almost pornographic moan as his hips slam into yours, and your bedframe repeatedly hits the wall. you know for sure your poor neighbors could obviously tell what was happening, but you nor chris paid any attention, purely focused on the pleasure created within each other.

"'m gonna cum, chris." you say as you clench around him. "me too. wan' me inside you?" you nod rapidly as he nods letting out a breathy laugh at your eagerness. with a final moan, you come done all over him as your thighs shake. chris thrusts a couple more times before groaning and stopping his movements, burying himself inside you as white spurts fill you.

as he finishes, he pulls out and notices cum sliding out of you, and he lets his finger collect it all and push it back into you, causing a wince to come out of your mouth. "sorry, didnt want any goin' to waste." he says as he chuckles.

his body falls down next to you as the two of you catch your breath. "y'alright?" he says softly as he traces shapes over your stomach and kisses your shoulder softly. you can only let out a hum and a nod and he nods back. "we gotta figure out another time to study, but cant promise i actually will after this." he chuckles again as you roll your eyes. you look down at your body, and embarrassment flows through you at the sight of your naked body being completely in the open, and open for chris to see.

"chris y'gotta go, its late." you say softly. "wan' me to leave already? damn was i that bad?" he says with a chuckle as he sits up on his elbow. you shake your head no immediately. "n-no. not at all. its just getting late and i need to be up for work early tomorrow." he nods, understanding. "alright." he lets his feet fall to the ground as he puts his clothes back on and you let your blanket fall over your body. "ill see you later, yeah?" he states as he collects his papers off the floor and stands up, brushing a hand through his hair.

you nod, humming. "y-yeah. we'll figure out a time you can actually study." he laughs at this, nodding. "sure, baby. see you." and with that, he walks out, leaving you only with your thoughts, but not with chris, but with how you lost your fucking virginity.

@muwapsturniolo @lovergirl4gracieabrams @m4ttg1rl @lypsiiii @tyummyz @sturniqlo @emely9274 @shadowthesim @mattsobvimyfav @sturnl0ve @wastelandzella @fallininlust @chrisslut04 @angeliijay12-blog @sophand4n4 @vainilladollie @slutforchrissturniolo2 @ncm9696 comment to be added or removed.

dividers by @bernardsbendystraws.

[dear-ao3]

welcome back. for the last time this year, it is race weekend. were in abu dhabi (part 1), the yas marina circuit. race 24 of 24. the finale of the longest season in f1 history. we’ve had seven different multi race winners, back markers on the podium, mid season retirements, community service penalties, disqualifications, black flags, race bans, crashes, rain, paddocks that smell like weed, the breaking of the monaco curse, stealing each other's taglines, first race wins, rivalries…you name it we’ve seen it. and more.

in the words of crofty: “if you havent been here all season, where have you been? you've missed an absolute thriller.”

the drivers championship, as we know, has already been squared away. but the all important battle for the constructors championship is still on. mclaren v ferrari. a tale as old as, well, time. schumacher v hakkinen. hamilton v massa. will the power of the lando and oscar friendship pull through? or will carlos and charles put aside their differences (that they may or may not have) long enough to snatch the constructors title away from them? and not only are they duking it out for the constructors, but lando and charles are also duking it out for p2 in the drivers championship. will lando hold his ground or will charles come at him with all the fury in the world and then some?

and we’ve also got alpine, haas and racing bulls fighting for p6 in the constructors, the eternal question of the red bull second seat, the v carb second seat and the all important query of Will Valtteri Score Points This Season? 

all (or at least most) will be answered tonight. 

its december 31, 2024 and i know its late but lets fucking go.

the week started off with none other than jack doohan being announced as making his debut in abu dhabi this very weekend. 

jack doohan, as we know, is the alpine reserve driver and has signed with the team for 2025. as we also know there was a rather nasty rumor circulating about him that he was going to lose his alpine seat that he hadnt even really sat in yet to one franco colapinto. alpine squashed this by announcing his driver number (7) but now that he is replacing esteban 1 race earlier than intended, there’s been some theories. 

officially the swap had something to do with esteban doing testing for haas and alpine decided that it would be better for them if jack drove the car in abu dhabi. this does of course sadly mean that he cannot wear his very cool send off helmet this weekend because he is not racing and i also think that he was not allowed to say goodbye to the team.

which is fucked up. he got an instagram post from alpine as a send off. and that was about it. 

sorry, lets rephrase this. esteban ocon has raced with alpine for the last five years. he is their only race winner under the name “alpine” (they had won races under their previous name, renault, but he is the only alpine winner) and they just said nope. fuck u actually. no race. heres a post instead.

this was esteban's reaction

and jack's reaction

and pierre even had some thoughts

but why did they do that? well. there is a theory that they are testing out jack as a driver in an f1 car before the end of the season so that they can decide whether or not they want to keep jack or take franco instead. im going to emphasize that this is a Theory and is not Confirmed. but it is still a Theory. 

alpine also took their end of season photos. and they got crashed by *checks notes* fred vasseur???

yeah, they didn't know either.

anyway. aside from that. we also had the f1 official account horrifically misspell oscars last name. and charles joined in on the fun.

worth pointing out, btw, that charles leclerc has had his name misspelled in every possible which way over the course of time. 

charles would also be doing the fp1 session with his brother arthur, who would be driving carlos’s ferrari. arthur is a test driver for ferrari or is part of the academy or something of that nature. and charles spent pretty much all of the media day session talking about how much he loves his brother and how excited he is that the two of them get to be on track at the same time together:

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and charles did whatever this was. some kind of water …. no not water sport. water activity. idk.

also having fun, or, well, maybe not actually, was valtteri bottas. poking fun at himself for still being the only driver currently driving on the grid this year to not score points.

and! speaking of drivers who didn't score points this year! logan sargeant! got signed! to a team! 

no, it was not indycar. it was the european le mans series. this could lead to a full time seat for him in the hyper car series in 2026. which is cool for him. 

also signing with hyper car was kevin magnussen. he signed with the bmw team. and there is lore here, apparently. because its racing. when isnt there weird lore. 

apparently, his new boss at bmw, a man named vincent vosse, saved him from drowning when he was 2. in a pool at vosse’s own house. according to one k mag: "He was in a suit, dressed up for some gala thing, and he jumped in the pool. Ruined his day! But hopefully I can make up for that now. The contact has always been there, l've known him always."

as we know, this race is the end of a lot of things. several people are leaving the grid after abu dhabi: kevin magnussen, valtteri bottas, zhou guanyu, maybe franco colapinto, maybe checo perez. and several people are changing teams. lewis hamilton is going to ferrari, esteban ocon is going to haas, nico hulkenberg is going to stake, carlos sainz is going to williams. i think that's it. i hope that's it. it seems like silly season has been sillier than that. 

in any case, there were many goodbyes to be had. 

starting with zhou and valtteri and their helmets. 

zhou’s helmet had a picture of him and valtteri on it, along with other pictures of special moments in his career as an f1 driver

and his caption of the picture on instagram said: ‘A special helmet with full of loved moments. It’s been a pleasure Valtteri Bottas, loved every highs & lows that we've been through over the last 3 years, one last dance with Stake F1 Team, let’s enjoy it.”

valtteri bottas’s helmet said “what’s next?” on it, still teasing the little branding hes done for teasing what is next in his career. that was an awful sentence, im sorry, but i am not changing it. 

and as an aside, the stake social media admin made valtteri and zhou certificates thanking them for participating in the insane social media posts of the year

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A post shared by Stake F1 Team KICK Sauber (@stakef1team)

charles did a special helmet for carlos that said “muchas gracias carlos” on it.

his instagram caption said “Special helmet for a special teammate ❤️ Thanks for these 4 years together. Let’s push to the max for that last weekend together.” and he was also clearly emotional about carlos leaving the team in his interviews

and carlos also ran a special helmet that showed his team highlights,

and he had a special race suit with the italian flag on it and smooth operator written on the leg.

and ferrari made a special poster of him for his last race.

kevin magnussen also had a helmet showing his highlights at haas. 

and he and nico also reminisced about their time as teammates

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and george did a special helmet for lewis with little cartoon pictures of them on the back and a real picture of george when he is a Child trying to get lewis’s autograph on the top with a “crazy how time flies”

george, in case you didn't know, is a massive lewis hamilton fan. so he was clearly feeling Feeling about lewis leaving the team. as evidenced not only by the helmet but also by this instagram post

and he also brought That Very Book that he was trying to get lewis to autograph in the picture to abu dhabi to get his autograph. and they did it on the fanstage.

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A post shared by Mercedes-AMG PETRONAS F1 Team (@mercedesamgf1)

lewis also naturally had a send off helmet as well. 

and he also changed his profile pictures to this picture from 2013.

as that was when he joined the team. he also reposted the picture on his instagram with the caption “First year. Last year. And all the memories in between.”

lewis leaving mercedes, in case it was already obvious enough, is a Big Fucking Deal. this is the longest time a driver has ever been with a team, (11 years) and it is widely regarded as the greatest partnership between a driver and a team Ever. so mercedes was expected to go all out for this send off, right?? 

well mercedes did a lot of things for this send off. like a way lot of things. one of them was this video

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 they posted this video that was essentially a thank you to lewis, montaging moments from his career highlights with mercedes (btw, lewis won 6 world champion titles with mercedes (and lost two by less than 20 points), helped the team win 8 constructors titles, and also has 84 race wins (someone edited it together here) with mercedes, not podiums. race wins. for context, if we compare this to michael schumacher’s career, he won 5 world championship titles with ferrari, helped the team win five constructors titles, and had 72 race wins with ferrari) inter cut with video footage of small lewis and other children of color and young girls essentially talking about how lewis was a trailblazer for the sport and helped pave a path for many people. and they tag line it with. 

“every dream needs a team.” 

the dream as in lewis’s dream to essentially be an f1 driver (i think?) or to win

(going to leave here that lewis didn't start at mercedes tho, he started at mclaren. and he also won his first world title with mclaren. don't worry, we’ll get back to the every dream needs a team thing In A Bit. it is a nice video though, it highlights how hes a good sportsman and also quite literally the greatest of all time. it was generally agreed upon though that the tag line was. odd.)

they put this tagline on lewis’s car this weekend as a graphic along with the names of 150 people who won the competition to have their name on the car

also with this video was some other tributing. i wont include all of them cause there were a lot and frankly, i also have a lot to talk about. but we had some good stuff.

pretty much though, every mercedes tribute seemed to include everyone Except for one nico rosberg (yea i know this is about lewis leaving mercedes, not about nico, however, as we have seen this year, you kinda cant really talk about one without talking about the other). but anyway, pretty much all of the photo collages left nico out (as we know lewis doesnt talk about him, maybe he asked for this, maybe not, whos to say. again this is where i say i don't think they owe eachother anything im just reporting the news) until mercedes decided to post this one: 

which, in terms of photos of nico and lewis to post. that ones more on the unhinged side of things. and if you're annoyed im talking about nico rosberg, well, stay annoyed i guess cause he pops up again shortly. unfortunately, you cant really talk about one without the other, as i have said.

aside from that, we had bono, lewis’s race engineer, talk about their partnership a little and about how grateful he is for it and how much fun it has been. as he says, most engineers only have one shot at working with a champion, he has had many many years

lewis took everyone on his side of the garage on hot laps around the track

lewis himself was pretty emotional about the whole thing. which is to be expected. hes been with mercedes for twelve very long and (mostly) very successful years. again, i remind you that lewis joined merc in 2013 (which everyone thought was a terrible idea btw) and then won the drivers championship in 2014, 2015, 2017, 2018, 2019 and 2020. the team won the constructors title in 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020 and 2021. that is a long time to be in a very competitive car. that's a lot of success. like, an unprecedented amount of success. 

this was a bit too long to transcribe, but he did talk a lot about what he was going to take with im as moments from the team in the press conference. (swipe to hear what he said)

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speaking about this year, he said that “its been an emotional year for me and i think ive not been at my best in the…in handling and dealing with those emotions. and i think this year, as so many of you have been here for my whole career so some of you all think you've all seen the worst of me and you've seen the best of me. and im not going to apologize for either because its..im only human and i don't always get it right. and i definitely would say this year has been one of the worst in terms of handling that from my side. which ill work on trying to be better at. but i hope the good and the highs far outweigh the negatives in how ive handled it or behaved and…and as i said i just remember the good times” 

after taking the team photo for the last time he said that “its hard to believe that was our last team photo together. weve had twelve amazing years together. and its hard to believe that that's our last photo that we’re going to take as a whole team, as a group. and its such an honor and a privilege i thik to look back when im sitting on the car, i look back and see everyones face, everyone that's been so hugely influential with the success that we’ve had over the years. had my back and supported me and hopefully vice versa, which is a really proud moment. that's pretty cool. its something that ill definitely cherish. i think the first and the last will be the two that i cherish the most.”

and not really a tribute. but speaking of the team photo, toto wolff was seen wearing not only a short sleeve shirt, but also doing a peace sign

so that was basically lewis’s side of the garage. lots of emotions and feelings and paying tribute and etc etc etc. 

so what was going on in george’s side of the garage?

complete and absolute chaos.

if you’ll remember. in qatar max essentially, for lack of better words, called george a two faced bitch because of george supposedly arguing with the fia to get max a 1 place grid penalty for going too slowly in qualifying. max got said penalty and was demoted from pole to second while george started on pole. i need to remind you all that 1. max had already won the world championship and 2. george was not even remotely in contention for the world championship and also mercedes and red bull are hardly rivals this season

if you’ll also remember, george did not say anything about said incident. mostly because max talked about it predominantly in the press conference which im pretty sure happens After all the media interviews? tho i could be wrong about that. regardless george didn't talk about it. 

until he decided to come out full guns blazing in abu dhabi. 

because this is formula 1. you really thought we were going to have a normal end to our incredibly insane season????

so. first. lets get a little refresher on what max actually said about the penalty situation after qatar *insert rewind noise here*

about the penalty, max said “I think I really spoke about valid reasons of what happened. And it was clear cut that around me there were different scenarios going on as well, with people having colder tyres and stuff so they had to push anyway, and I didn’t want to then cause a scene into a last corner, and then no one had a lap. So very, very surprising. i think we all here, we respect eachother a lot. and of course ive been in that meeting room many times in my life [with the stewards] and my career with people, you know, ive raced. and i’ve never seen someone trying to screw someone over that hard, and then for me i lost all the respect.

he also gestured towards charles when he talked about drivers that he respects, and charles was nearly giggling the whole time like he had tea we all didn't

and he also said, “actually, I just tried to be nice. So maybe I shouldn’t be nice. But the thing is that well, being nice, because at the end of the season, everything is more or less decided, for me especially, I didn’t want to screw anyone over to prepare their lap. And by doing that, being nice, basically you get a penalty. And that’s what I tried to explain as well. But I just felt like I was talking to a brick wall. So there’s not much that was possible, for whatever reason.” (which sounds hilariously like charles’s vegas radio but i digress)

later, max was asked if he was going to try and talk with george about the penalty and the incident with the stewards. 

here’s what he had to say about that. 

“not right now, but you know what it is? he always acts extremely polite in front of the cameras but if you sit together with him personally, he's a completely different person. i truly can't stand that. then you might as well fuck off, i don’t want anything to do with you.”

max was also backed up by christian horner, who said about george that “yesterday's penalty was more based on hysterics from George, who has been quite hysterical this weekend. There was a little bit of gamesmanship going on in that.”

(yes i did just copy and paste that from the qatar post. sue me i want to be done writing this) 

anyway, you’ll also remember (maybe) the article that i quoted talking about the penalty. *cue a second rewind noise*

it appeared that all of the drivers had been informed after sprint qualifying that any going slowly would be taken seriously, after yuki received a warning for just that. and one article reported that:

“at the bottom of their decision Warwick and his fellow stewards made a very important comment: ‘The stewards advise all competitors that particular attention will be paid to adherence to the event notes in the qualifying session and that any potentially dangerous behaviour or impeding may result in the application of grid penalties.’”

in addition, it was also reported by a journalist that the new race director does not take impeding lightly. 

“He [the race director] stated that if a car was going slow in a high-speed corner, it should not be on the racing line. The stewards regard this case as a complicated one in that clearly car 1 did not comply with the race director’s event notes and clearly was driving, in our determination, unnecessarily slowly considering the circumstances. It was obvious the driver of car 1 was attempting to cool his tyres. He also could see car 63 approaching as he looked in his mirror multiple times whilst on the small straight between Turns 11 and 12. They also made it clear that they had opted for a lesser penalty than they could have. Unusually, this incident occurred when neither car was on a push lap. Had car 63 been on a push lap, the penalty would have most likely been the usual three grid position penalty, however in mitigation of penalty, it was obvious that the driver of car 63 had clear visibility of Car 1 and that neither car was on a push lap.”

however. someone combed back through all going slowly/failing to follow race directors instructions infringements back to 2022 and found that max is the only one to have ever been given a grid penalty or penalty point for it. when looking at that stat though, keep in mind that theres different race directors making different decisions, the widely claimed “british bias” that the stewards have towards certain british drivers (which george btw doesnt seem to be included in) and also mitigating circumstances, not everything in this sport is clear cut. 

and finally, george had some comments about the whole ordeal, but not too many. which i speculated was because he didn't know exactly what max had said until After it had already been said which Likely would have been after george was done with his interviews. so he had relatively normal things to say:

*cue a third and hopefully final rewind noise*

“Yeah, to be honest, I was expecting a crash. But ultimately we [george and lewis] made it easy for him, because both Lewis and I made terrible starts. So it was a pretty simple overtake for him, which was a bit frustrating for us.”

he did say though that his concerns about a crash were not related to max’s comments. 

“We know Max is a fighter and is aggressive. I expect no different. I really wanted to go out there and fight with him today, like we could have done in the sprint.”

now. something i mentioned but somehow forgot to properly include in the last update was a brief clip from ted kravitz’s bit that he does at the end of the weekend called teds notebook where he goes over important stuff, gives opinions blah blah etc. anyway. i had referenced that one journalist heard that george and max had had words of some sort outside the stewards room, but not much beyond that. 

ted’s notebook from qatar went a little beyond that:

important to take away from this was that before the drivers parade in qatar there was some kind of Incident between max and george where max some something akin to “you and your fia mates, i hope you're happy with what you’ve done.” though apparently, also according to ted, it was “far ruder than that.” 

so. we were gearing up for Something. and Everyone was Wondering if Something was Going To Happen in abu dhabi. 

the f1 fans (or at least some of them) spent the week between qatar and abu dhabi speculating and there were takes in every which direction about who said what and how and when and whether or not max was telling the truth and ugh this is why no one likes george and blah blah blah (idk i avoided most of it)

and max was asked his opinion on the whole thing again at the press conference on media day. george had still yet to say anything and he was not at the press conference (its random who gets chosen week to week). but we did get max saying this about this comments last week (you know, the two faced comments):

"No regrets at all [about what he said about george], because I meant everything I said. And it is still the same, if I had to do it again maybe I would have said even more, knowing the outcome of the race itself. I still can't believe that someone can be like that in the stewards' room - to me, that is so unacceptable. We're all racing drivers and we all have a lot of respect for each other, we even play sports together, we travel together. Of course you have moments where you come together, crash or whatever and you're not happy. But in my whole career I've never experienced what I experienced in the stewards' room in Qatar and, for me, that was really unacceptable."

so max was not budging. and we were all waiting on george’s side of the story. and boy, did he deliver. 

before we get into this. a reminder to everyone that george doesnt usually get involved in stuff like this. he doesnt have many controversies, the most controversial thing in his career is probably that time in imola in 2021 where he smacked bottas on the helmet after the two of them were in a pretty big crash and battling eachother for a seat at mercedes.

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but he was effectively bullied off the internet several years ago for death threats (i think around the mercedes seat controversies, unsure exactly when, im not up to snuff on my george lore sorry) over something or other and now gets all his memes and the like from alex albon. and yeah he does weird pr stuff, but he doesnt really get involved in controversies. and hes also not all that popular as a driver. he mostly gets memed and also made fun of. 

he’s also, im going to remind everyone, the gpda president. and the gpda, in case you need reminding, as of vegas, (a mere two/three weeks before the incident) were trying to get max to not get penalized for the swearing in the press conference (among other things).

there were i think several interviews that he gave about the whole thing, all on media say (pretty sure it was media day) and theyll all rather long, (if you want to watch the whole full ones, im pretty sure there were multiple but this is a good one here) but this one has pretty much a good summary of everything he said

which is a lot to unpack. 

george came with receipts. 

so lets break this down a little. 

george says “we’re all fighting on track and its never personal.” 

objectively true. other drivers have talked about this before. most of the time battles on track do not translate to battles off track (with some exceptions. you know. nico and lewis. im looking at you two. also prost and senna. the difference here being that they were both insane actual title rivals and max has won four championships and george arrived at mercedes in the middle of their shit arc and has never been in contention for a champion title.) even after….oh god what was that race….austria? where max and lando slammed into each other while battling for first and while they were kinda pissed max was like all that matters is repairing my relationship with lando blah blah blah (max and lando are seemingly more friendly than george and max but that is not the point here)

anyway, george’s argument was that max made their on track battle personal. which is a big no no (according to george) (as i said up top we had people make on track battles personal all the time. see quite literally the most famous example in recent history: nico rosberg and sir lewis hamilton)

george also famously said “someone needs to stand up to a bully like this” because “so far people have let him [max] get away with murder.” 

people online really really went off with that. and let me put my english major hat on here for a second to say that Getting Away With Murder Is An Expression an expression meaning, loosely, “get away with anything.” so no, george is not saying that max killed anyone. 

george defended himself against what max said in the press conference about how hes “never had someone try that hard to get me a penalty” and george maintained that max was going too slow on the racing line and they all have rules to follow. (true, but again to devils advocate george, remember that max is the only one to ever have gotten penalties in this context for going to slow. but then to that also also remember that the stewards said that they were going to crack down on anyone going to slow after yuki went too slow in practice.) 

he also said in a different interview that "It's funny because even before I said a word in the stewards, he was swearing at the stewards. He was so angry, before I'd even spoken. And at the end of the day, there's nothing to lie about.”

then, he of course hits us with some new information, saying that “i find his comments pretty ironic, when he comes out and says ‘im going to purposefully crash into you, im going to put you on your fucking head in the wall.’ for me, that isnt acceptable. and hes gone beyond the line here, and im not going to accept it.” 

now, in case you've been keeping track, this is far different than george’s attitude about the whole thing in qatar. george is claiming that max said this to him after the stewards room. which would have been saturday night before the race. and, if you will recall, here is what george said on sunday in qatar about the max incident during qualifying: *yet another rewind noise*

“Yeah, to be honest, I was expecting a crash [during the race]. But ultimately we [george and lewis] made it easy for him [max], because both Lewis and I made terrible starts. So it was a pretty simple overtake for him, which was a bit frustrating for us.”

when asked if this [the likeness of a crash] was because of comments that max had made to him, george apparently “didn't bite” according to one journalist and instead said that “We know Max is a fighter and is aggressive. I expect no different. I really wanted to go out there and fight with him today, like we could have done in the sprint.”

so. little confusing. because if max had said all of this on saturday then why didn't it come up in interviews on sunday? 

the same journalist had a theory: “In other words [george] had a chance then [in qatar] to reveal just what Verstappen had said to him [putting him in the wall], and in effect drop him in it, but he chose not to. He's only done so today [in abu dhabi] because of Max's ongoing criticism.”

and george did kind back that theory up. he likely elected to ignore the whole thing and chalk it up to heated emotions in the stewards room and only brought it up once he realized that max was publicly tearing into george’s character. and george said this himself, that he had “no intentions of bringing this up. he said this to me saturday night and i woke up sunday morning feeling fine. but to come out of those press interviews (the post race in qatar ones) saying that i’m two faced, that im a f word and this and that, hes taking this personal. what happens on track is professional, what happens in the stewards is professional.” 

so again, george’s main argument here is that max made a race related argument personal, when in george’s mind that is just a fact of racing that stuff like this happens. 

also, as many people pointed out, if max did actually say this, (as in threaten to crash into george and put him in the wall) then in nascar that would get you a race ban. and while those same rules don't exist in f1, it is still a very serious threat in some kinds of motorsport. 

now, here george also brings up new and interesting lore, saying that “like carlos said to him on sunday morning ‘you would have done the exact same thing.’” and then he cites max getting lando a penalty for not lifting in the yellow flags and blah blah but the real interesting bit here is about carlos. 

remember those pictures from before the drivers parade? and remember that ted said something happened before the drivers parade in qatar?? well! 

george said (i think in a different interview than the one that i linked) this: 

"And I almost joked with him [max] at the drivers' parade about this with Carlos [Sainz] and Checo [Sergio Perez]. I came around, put my arm around him [max] and laughed, 'How are you doing today?' and I said to Carlos jokingly, 'Listen to what this guy said to me yesterday' [the im going to put you on your fucking head line] But I could see it in his eyes that he meant it [the line about you and your fia mates that ted quoted]."

so. this explains then this lovely set of photos:

there were a lot of people online citing these photos as justification that george is a two faced bitch because Why would he have been that nice to max right after max had told him that?? but it seems now that george literally intended to never bring this up and then max went and ranted to hell and back to the press about it so he had pretty much no choice but to bring it up and the timing of everything made him look bad. 

george was asked about the thing max said about his “fia mates” and george was confused about that as well, going into detail about the lap times that you have to follow on the out lap. “he [max] was in breach of that, and i was following it to the letter of the law, i wasn't trying to get him a penalty, but that's just how things transpired.” 

as some people pointed out, i don't think george was on a flying lap when max was going to slowly, he might have been, im not sure, i don't remember and im not going back to look. but there was debate over this.

george also said that max “cannot deal with adversity. whenever anything is not going his way he lashes out with unnecessary anger and borderline violence. weve seen it in brazil in the past with ocon, we saw it in 21 with lewis, and then mexico with lando, first race of the year in budapest when he didn't have the most dominant car, crashes into lewis, slamming his whole team. that is not a guy who i respect.” 

in a second interview george also referenced this batch of receipts he brought up, saying that “I don't know why this topic has got him so angry. And like I said to you before, he cannot deal with adversity. He's had the most dominant car in recent history for two and a half years. I'm not questioning his driving abilities one single bit, but the second he does not have the fastest car - let's take Budapest as an example, he crashes into Lewis. He slams his whole team and he loses the plot. Straight away after that race, 25 percent of his engineering team were sending their CVs to Mercedes, to McLaren, to Aston Martin because they said they can't deal with a guy like that. And since Austria, he's won the same number of races as six other drivers. So when you say, is Max beatable? Of course he's beatable."

and this is quite the array of receipts that george brought up here. 

ocon and max in brazil was from like. 2018. when esteban, a lapped car in the race, crashed into max who was leading, and cost him the win. max pushed him in the garage after.

i think the incident hes referring to with lewis was in monza 2021 where he and lewis crashed after one of lewis’s pit stops and max ended up driving over the top of lewis’s car, at one point his tire was on lewis’s helmet. both of them were fine, but it was rather insane

mexico with lando is obviously earlier this year when max got hit with the 20 second penalty after driving, as lando put it, dangerously, while the two of them were battling. george also previously said that max’s racing in mexico was “hard but fair” and now seems to have rolled back that comment since he put it in the same boat as other Controversial and Insane Max Moments.

and budapest was also this year, this was the race where max was really going at it on the radio and once again flew over lewis’s car, then tried to blame it on lewis and was told by his team over the radio that he was being “childish” and that they were “not going to get into a radio fight with the other teams”

id also like to point out, that all of these incidents, while famous racing incidents, happened, they are also all resolved. monza and brazil do get brought up decently enough, but even esteban said this year about brazil 2018 that "Everyone thinks we [him and max] hate each other [because of brazil 2018], but that's not the case. I like that he races really hard. It's very straightforward. It's just who crosses the line first. With Max, there is no bullshit.”

and also. while im devils advocating myself here, there have been plenty of other world champions in recent history who have been pretty vicious on and off track. lewis hamilton is kind of the exception to this, he is a pretty clean racer and doesnt really make things personal (not after 2016 at least and definitely not unless its with nico rosberg but im absolutely not getting into that here)

however, for your perusal i bring up once again incidents like:

-sebastian vettel and mark webber, malaysia 2013, the infamous multi 21 incident where sebastian vettel over took mark webber for the lead when he was explicitly told not to and was kind of a jerk about it.

-spa 1998 where michael schumacher almost decked david coulthard in the pitlane because he thought that he had tried to kill him and also thought that it was a plot by mclaren to fix the race to benefit his rival mika hakkinen.

-japan 2005 when fernando alonso was trying to help renault win the constructors title (he had already won the drivers championship at the previous race) (he had also qualified 16th) and was effectively bullying michael schumacher (driving for ferrari at the time and already a 7x world title winner) trying to pass him earlier on in the race. eventually, michael kinda let him by (michael himself was also a very hard racer, and fernando was pretty young at the time) and after the race fernando famously said: “I knew he would hit the brakes because he has a wife and two kids at home” 

these are all drivers, by the way, that max has been compared to. 

george, in a different interview, compared max to lewis, saying that "He's [max] a four-time world champion. When I compare his actions to the ones of Lewis [Hamilton], Lewis is the sort of world champion who I aspire to be like. The way he fought Max in '21 was hard, very hard. It's fair, but never beyond the line.”

now again, as i said, this is mostly true. lewis is generally regarded as a pretty good sportsman and a clean racer. but that is if you omit the years 2014-2016 where he was tied up in a raging title fight with one nico rosberg that culminated in the end of their friendship (after knowing each other since they were children), nico’s retirement after his one and only championship win in 2016, and lewis’s absolute refusal to ever talk about him. 

though, i will say, even though nico and lewis are their own absolute disaster that really cant be compared to max because of their whole history and everything, there was the famous post monaco interview in 2014 (after a very intense race that nico eventually won where nico had been accused of crashing purposefully in qualifying and preventing lewis from trying to take pole from him) where lewis told the press about nico that “well we’re not friends. we’re colleagues.” (admittedly, the press was really harping on him about this and he later tweeted that they were friends, but i couldn't talk about Not Making Things Personal and not bring this up so) just goes to show you that even the most composed drivers and champions have their moments. its a hard sport, obviously things get tense sometimes. 

as for the part about red bull engineers wanting to leave red bull. not sure how true that is entirely, but we do know that adrian newey went to aston and jonathan wheatley is going to stake and they were a large part of red bull great ness. (unclear if this was in any way related to max though, newey’s departure seemed to be more related to the horner allegations (yeah that was also this year. its been a long season)). 

in Yet Another interview, george said that "They're [red bull] doing their utmost to get Horner out of Red Bull,” along with then continuing to repeat that the red bull mechanics were applying to other teams. i seem to remember someone, maybe zak brown, maybe toto wolff, saying something like this earlier in the year. but it is kind of unclear how george himself would have known that fact Specifically given that he is a mercedes driver and not a mclaren or aston driver.

and horner said. something. about this specifically. that i cant find. but it was something about how george shouldn't comment on other teams inter workings because its not his business. which is kinda fair, george knows what's happening at mercedes, not what's happening at any other team because hes only on one team. he might know the rumors and the gossip and all that, but he definitely doesnt know the ins and the outs, just like anyone else doesnt. 

max later had this to say about george’s comment about people leaving red bull though: 

"it is also very difficult for them, when you see that we have taken a lot of people away from mercedes for our engine program. then frustration comes out. we have the last laugh, because we won the race last week. they start on pole position because of that nitpicking with the stewards, but 300 meters he was already behind. everything he brings up has nothing to do with it. i was very relaxed with the stewards, i had already won the championship. but he had to be so dramatic to start first."

toto wolff also talked about horner. because of course he did. 

and remember these guys have a history too. we all remember the great “i have it printed out” incident in 2022 during the meeting about the porpoising.

anyway, toto said this about horner (who remember also had some choice words for george last week, calling him essentially overly emotional) "Why does he feel entitled to comment about my driver?...Yapping little terrier - always something to say."

horner was definitely not impressed by that comment At All. (surprise surprise) he said this: “I love terriers! I think they’re great dogs. I’ve had four of them, I’ve had a couple of Airedales, they’re the king of the terriers. I had a couple of West Highland terriers called Bernie and Flavio. The thing about terriers, they’re tremendously loyal. To be called a terrier, is that such a bad thing? They’re not afraid of having a go at the bigger dogs – I’d rather be a terrier than a wolf maybe.”

he also posted this on his instagram story after toto made that remark, which is a picture of his own terrier.

but anyway. back to george. because yes, he still somehow wasn't done dunking on max. 

one of his other arguments here was about how max should be a better role model. "I think we've also got a duty as drivers I've got an eight-year-old nephew who's just started go-karting, who watches all of my races, watches TikTok, watches YouTube, and for a world champion to be coming out saying he's going to go out of his way to crash into someone and put them on their effing head, that is not the sort of role models we should be."

this is another interesting argument. because i believe that one of the main arguments for drivers to not curse so much (which again, is something that george is actively arguing against as the gpda director) is that they should be being a good role model for younger kids watching. so, while it makes sense that george would bring this up as a like “hey maybe we shouldn't threaten eachother” argument, but again, max is hardly the first world champion to ever have a controversial moment. and also with the role model argument being used about the cursing right now, idk maybe not the best idea. 

he also said that he thought that max didn't attack him specifically. as in, it was not personal to george. he thought that it would have been the same with anyone in the stewards room in that specific incident. and circled it back more to how that makes max a bully: 

"I think [Verstappen] has been enabled because nobody stood up to him. Lewis stood up to him in 2021 and Lewis lost that championship unfairly. Could you imagine the roles being reversed and Max losing that championship in the manner that Lewis lost that championship? I mean, [former FIA race director] Masi would be fearing for his life. So, as I said, some of the recent incidents, he has been punished and he punished himself. I honestly think it could have been anybody in that stewards' room and Max would have reacted the same way. He's made it personal when there was no need to make it personal. He's a year older than me, so we only crossed paths once in go-karts in 2011. But as I said, he was wound up and frustrated before I even spoke in that stewards' room."

so this is now Another racing incident that george has brought up, abu dhabi 2021. weve talked about this before, max won the championship instead of lewis on the last lap of the race after a bs safety car call that allowed cars between lewis and max only to unlap and cost lewis the championship. michael masi was the race director at the time and he resigned i think not long after that and i believe got sent death threats about how he called the end of that race (as did nicholas latifi, the driver who caused the safety car). so given that masi did get death threats when lewis didn't win, i cant imagine that it would have been any different if max had lost. max did chill out a decent amount in the last year when he was really dominating, so we havent seen this side of him in awhile, as was pointed out several times by many different people over the course of the year.

if max really was this wound up though when george got in the stewards room, that might have resulted in a more heated debate than normal. horner said about the stewards meeting that  “Max does nothing but tell the truth so I believe 100 per cent what he said to be accurate. There [were] other people in those stewards’ rooms as well, and they also came back and reported that they were quite surprised at the approach that was taken.” and maybe that approach was that george was a little more forceful than he would have normally been. 

in the original interview i inserted, at the end, the interviewer asks george at the end:

“just to finally put to max’s point, which was that he felt that you crossed a line in terms of respect that was broken and he would say ‘well im not lashing out, im telling the truth and that's the way i am…’ he would say ‘that's just the way i am, that's i tell the truth, i say it the way it is.’”

this is objectively true, max has said this many times and so have other people, hes pretty blunt and to the point and just says it like it is. george though was not overly pleased with this.

“well im telling the truth that he said to me that hes going to put me on my fucking head. and for me that is crossing a line.” 

in another interview though, george said that "So as of tonight, for me, this is put to bed, and it's in race mode, and I'm focused on the weekend. I don't need to talk to him at all., there's nothing for me to say. I know what Max is like. This is not the first time I've seen him like this. I've seen him like this as a 14-year-old in the go-kart paddock. So this is just me sharing what happened on Saturday night. I walked into the stewards' with no problem with Max. I walked out of the stewards' with no problem with Max. Then, s**t has hit the fan and the words he said to me. I went back and I told my team and we laughed about it. And then I woke up the next day and I was expecting to have a laugh about it. But as I said, I saw the fire in his eyes.”

now, if you will recall, max’s original argument about the stewards room was:

“i’ve never seen someone trying to screw someone over that hard, and then for me i lost all the respect.”

“I just felt like I was talking to a brick wall.”

and

“he [george] always acts extremely polite in front of the cameras but if you sit together with him personally, he's a completely different person. i truly can't stand that. then you might as well fuck off, i don’t want anything to do with you.”

so george did not really address any of that at all. instead he brought up a lot off different points about how max had been behaving, how hes a bully and how hes been allowed to get away with things and how george himself was just following the rules. 

max, obviously, saw george’s scathing remarks about him and had this to say:

"that's not true [that i said i'd drive him into a wall] i didn't say it like that. he's trying to exaggerate it again. do you know what else i can't stand? that he attacks me in an unacceptable way with the stewards and then comes back a day later as if nothing is wrong and slaps me on the shoulder. then i think: stay away for a while. he makes up all kinds of things that aren't true. with me you always get the same: here, at home, with the stewards; i don't change. you can't say that about everyone. but i'm not surprised by that with him."

now, we’ve already heard george’s justification for why he was so casual with max in the morning before the drivers parade, it was because he didn’t think that max was still going to be pissed about it, but he was (or at least that's how i understand it. sorry guys im on hour 9 of writing just the george max part alone and its all starting to sound the same to me)

in any case, as ted said, drive to survive apparently has the sound byte of whatever the two of them said before the drivers parade and knowing netflix, they will milk this for all its worth in the new season of drive to survive. so i suppose we wont have any real information that isnt speculation about any of this until march. 

max also addressed george calling him a bully, saying that, "yes, but george is a bully. that he brings up all these kinds of things. he is just a loser. he lies and sticks all kinds of things together that are not correct. i only gave my opinion about his behaviour to the stewards. he clearly does not appreciate that. what he said about 2021, that is also what happened to the stewards. he insinuates a lot of things that do not make sense."

and yes, like i said, a lot of the stuff that george dragged up had absolutely nothing to do with the incident at hand and it was probably a pr move to just get the press to focus on a whole lot of controversial max moments (because yeah however way you spin it, he does have those. george really only has the one and its that time he slammed valtteri on the helmet in imola in 2021. which people did drag up, but that's only one incident and george alone brought up five separate racing incidents of max’s. people also brought up relentlessly that max’s father is literally abusive (remember i said a really long time that he was accused of murdering someone once), which doesnt really have anything to do with this other than to say that sometimes max might resort to anger?)

also. important to note. and i cannot find the original quote of this, but at some point george switched from just saying that max was going to put his head in the wall to “i was going to let you by, but now im going to put your fucking head in the wall” or something along those lines. which everyone was like, yeah no way max ever said that. which is fair. max has never been known to let anyone by even a little bit. many people saw this as a crack in george’s argument. but there is also the possibility that max was saying that he was going to let george off for his behavior or not punish him in the race or something and then he changed his mind.

and finally, at some point, george reportedly said that he had tears in his eyes (out of frustration likely) and upon being told that, max said this: 

"it wasn't that dramatic last week with the stewards, maybe next time then i'll bring tissues."

so. clearly this was not a mild incident. and im going to express that this is literally just a sampling of it. there was a lot more of just the two of them in their interviews tearing into eachother, but it did get very repetitive. so this is pretty much the main bits of it.

and ive tired to present as much of the information as i can as unbiasedly as possible so you can decide for yourself. there were a lot of opinions about the whole thing. like a whole lot. so i really did my best here. 

(and if you want my opinion, i think theyre both telling the truth here. i think probably something did get heated in the stewards room and maybe max was really pissed and george pushed a little harder for a penalty. max probably also did tell george that he was going to put him on his head. none of this seems that insane to me. i also do think that george is telling the truth that he wasn't that concerned about the whole thing on saturday night and then max was still going at it on sunday morning. all in all, in my opinion, they both fucked up here. and don't worry, it wasn't over)

but, tldr: 

-max drives slowly on his outlap in qualifying, potentially impeding george

-george cites this as dangerous driving, potentially lying about how severe it was, potentially also telling max that he didn't think it was a big deal before they got to the stewards room 

-there was already a precedent for the weekend about how drivers driving slowly would get punished (as established with yuki in fp1)

-something in the stewards room gets said that causes max to lose his temper and make him think that george is being unreasonable with the stewards

-max gets a 1 place grid penalty

-max tells george that hes going to put george’s head in the wall

-george takes this as a heated and of the moment comment

-george approaches max the following morning before the drivers parade and jokes about max’s comments from last night to carlos and checo 

-carlos and checo are seemingly confused and carlos says that max would have done the same thing in the stewards room

-they race 

-max ends up winning from p2, george finished p4 from pole

-after the race max tells the press that george is two faced and was unfair with the stewards and pushed really hard for a penalty that he felt he didn't deserve given the circumstances 

-george says virtually nothing about it

-rumors circulate about what might have been said

-max continues to bash george in abu dhabi, saying hes not sorry for what he said 

-george drags up years worth of racing incidents about max, calls him a bully, says that he threatened to put his head in the wall

-max says that this is not true and it never happened and this is more reasoning why george is two faced

-toto wolff calls christian horner a terrier, christian says hed rather be a terrier than a wolff

-george continues to lay into max, saying that he has lost respect for him and also saying that he didn't intend on dragging this up but now that max insulted his character he has no choice but to

-max says it wasn't a big deal and next time he’ll bring tissues

-remember. max already won the world title, george was not in contention. mercedes was solidly 4th in the drivers championship. 

-max doesnt usually go at people hes not title fighting for no reason cause he kinda hates the press

-george also doesnt usually go at anyone because he also doesnt like the press and also knows that people don't like him

so. certainly other people must have opinions about this, right?

well. lando definitely did. 

lando, remember, was max’s sort of title rival this year. he was in a lot of battles with max for sure, including mexico, which george cited as one of max’s controversial racing incidents. (george also implied that he wasn't sure why “people” (probably lando charles and checo) havent stood up to max before) lando is also pretty good friends with max (they fly together regularly, they hang out together, lando also seemingly has a pretty good relationship with max’s girlfriend kelly’s daughter penelope and i think theres evidence that hes known her for most of if not all of her life (i think shes like somewhere in the 5 year old range), so theres definitely some element of trust there). and hes also pretty good friends with george. george, lando and alex all were in the younger junior series together (f2 mainly, but i think also f3) so they have been racing against eachother for awhile, and its pretty obvious from videos and interviews and all that that theyre friends. 

and lando, as we all saw last week in qatar, loves to stir shit up. especially when its not his shit. 

and mclaren, in case you forgot in all of this, are in a constructors title battle against ferrari. ferrari are a little ways behind, but they still could beat mclaren in the final race of the season. 

so lando was of course asked about the george and max drama. 

and here is what he said:

“I hope it doesn’t get smoothed out… I hope they stay fighting and arguing, because it’s amusing to watch”

first of all, absolute man of the people

second, objectively hilarious response

third, this was definitely taking a decent amount of the press pressure off of mclaren, who as i said, were in a title fight with ferrari, so this was probably benefiting them in a weird backwards way. 

zak brown though was asked this by martin brundle: 

“Is Lando too compliant with Max Verstappen? Is he too submissive with him because he hasn't come out really and supported George at all in this latest spat?”

which is an….interesting choice of words to say the least. 

and zaks response was not all that much better: “Yeah, I think we've seen him race Max really hard. Lando's a different type of character.”  

in any case, lando did not defend either one of them. in fact, he just added to the shit storm. 

and how, you might be wondering, how could this get any more insane?

well. it is abu dhabi. final race of the season. and that means. its time for the annual drivers dinner. 

in case you don't know what this is, every year at the end of the season all of (or at least most of) the drivers get together to have dinner. its usually on the thursday night, before the real racing of the weekend has started. 

there was for awhile that i think the previous years champion would pay for dinner, but i think that stopped one year when nico and lewis got into a heated debate over who was paying for dinner that year and everyone ended up paying separately 

in any case. the first of the posts to be posted about the drivers dinner was, to my knowledge, lando’s. and it was this: 

which is. objectively hilarious. he’s once again stirring the pot. and also max’s beef emoji. does this ever fucking stop? (the answer is no)

and of course everyone posted virtually the same photo so oscar of course shit on it with his caption which read “Exclusive pic from the drivers’ dinner. Won’t find it elsewhere”

esteban ocon later posted the seating arrangement: 

yes, george and max were seated as far away from eachother as possible, lando did not lie about that

though apparently, that was not intended. 

liam lawson did an interview after the race weekend where they asked him about how the drivers dinner went, specifically the seating chart. and well. just watch it. 

so good to know that everyone else finds the beef funny except for george. 

lewis also took the time to make fun of lando’s inability to sit still: 

and unfortunately i lost the stupid link. but he posted a series of pictures of landos face zoomed in with hhis eyes closed or not looking at the camera in all of them and cat opined it "lando multiple takes norris"

and if you're wondering where lance and fernando are. apparently they went on a date with lawrence stroll? to get dinner. no i am not joking. i have no idea what this sport is anymore

not sure where kevin and nico were.

the drivers were also asked the following day about the team dinner. the drivers in question being oscar lando alex and franco. it was a bit of a trainwreck. 

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and valtteri ended up paying for the dinner, in case you were wondering. and it ended up being apparently 5k euros.

and in all of this, charles leclerc managed to get food poisoning. potentially from the dinner. though he was the only one. this was especially tragic for him as he almost missed out on doing fp1, which he was doing with his younger brother, arthur leclerc. a fact that pretty much got entirely overshadowed by the whole george and max drama of the day before.

now you might be wondering. is that the end of the max and george drama? or did something else insane happen?? 

now. if you don't know the bomb i am about to drop. i want you to take a second. and think to yourself. what could make the george and max drama more insane. 

go ahead

think to yourself

make a guess

….

do you have it?

great!

now take that guess and throw it out the window because theres no way you guessed what actually happened here:

yeah. max verstappen and his long time girlfriend, kelly piquet, announced that they are having a child. 

and now, i know that i tried to remain unbiased here. i know i tried. but im sorry. how much of a pr save do you need to be like oh hey. you know what will distract the press from this weird feud im having with a driver over a one place grid penalty that actually didn't really affect my race at all in a season where i’ve already won the world title? announcing that i am having a child. 

this did pretty effectively shut the press up (for the most part) about the max and george drama. but like. absolutely insane that they chose to do this. because there was absolutely no way that this was Not a pr move. first, look at the context of the weekend so far. george had just dragged up every bit of dirt he could on max verstappen and they clearly needed something positive for the press to talk about instead. and this. was what they landed on. 

because it really seems like this was supposed to get announced After the season was over. mostly because max is a pretty private person. second. who would, in normal circumstances, post this literally less than an hour before the first day of practice sessions for the last race of an insane season???

(also kelly posted some stuff on her instagram that made it seem like the two of them had been trying to have a child for awhile, so, weird that theyre still using this as a deflection for pr purposes. or at least, that is what i think)

also, this kid is going to be a verstappen piquet. the childs father will have won four (minimum) titles and grandfather (nelson piquet) won three. kinda wild. 

in any case, regardless of how it got announced, congrats to them.

and because this post is too long, i will see you all on part 2.

the 2024 formula 1 silly season and drama master post, part 2 (part 1 here)

Hello and welcome to ah fucking fuck auto caps fuck fuck fuck how do i turn off auto caps AHA there we go okay. take 2

hello and welcome to the great and very insane formula 1 2024 season drama post, part 2. if you are new here or are just looking for part one (which contains the previous 16 (?) races, the off season, pre season testing and everything else, that can be found HERE. (a word to the wise: open it in a browser, not the app, and preferably on a computer to avoid crashing. its fucking long). 

what the hell is formula 1? car go fast. fastest cars in the world zoom around tracks at top speeds of over 300kph, piloted by the top 20 drivers in the world. it might not sound dramatic, but oh man. you will Not be disappointed. this post focuses on the drama, the insanity, the sheer what the hell how is this a serious sport. no legitimately. we've just about seen it all this year. grindr, dogs, watersports, ice cream brands, its all here.

the point of this post? to educate, to catalog the insane drama, and to just have a good time. people like to gatekeep this sport, there is also a lot happening. i try to make it easy to understand. again, probably best to start at the beginning of the post because it does a pretty good job of explaining things, which i began way back in january, and can be found HERE (again, shes long, be careful)

and, as usual, if you do not want to see this post EVER AGAIN, block the tag #saph explains silly season 2024

and a second caution, i assume this post will be getting long as well. including this one we have minimum 9 updates left!

anyway, those of you who have been following along the whole time, welcome back! i know we got a little delayed. and i know we’re on a new post, so lets just briefly take a second for me to explain what the fuck happened. first i had an anatomy test, second i work 2 jobs with fuck ass hours, third tumblr decided to stop letting me look at any of my drafts, fourth tumblr support ghosted me about the drafts issue and the post was half saving half not so i just decided fuck it, were going with post 2, electric boogaloo, and fifth, i decided to start typing this instead in a google docs so. many changes. if you're new here i am usually more on top of this.

but here we are. were back on street circuits. we’re in baku, azerbaijan, for the start of the last third of the season. 8 races remain, world championship titles are still within grasp of multiple people. the drama is dramaing. and today is september 22, 2024 and lets fucking go. 

first and foremost, on account of the fact that this post is late (again, see above), were going to have to do a bit of a speed run. if you're new here, i promise that this is not representative of my normal dedication to the update post. and for those asking, yeah, ill probably compile it somewhere better than a tumblr post after its all said and done, but we don't have time for that now. 

what we do have time for is the Off Week (and like some of the media stuff). and it was filled with silliness: 

george russell decided to wear what can only be described as slightly ugly yellow short shorts with his taylor swift shirt that he got at the eras tour. this was baffling for several reasons, the main reason being that i don't think the internet knew that he was capable of wearing a graphic t shirt

fernando alonso got his aston martin valkyrie finally. in case you are unfamiliar, a valkyrie i think is the worlds fastest street legal car. he posted tweets about this that made it seem like he wanted to fuck the car. hilariously, the car broke down an hour later.

we also had the very thrilling conclusion to grill the grid. oscar won and he somehow managed to look more pleased about his grill the grid win than his first race victory. 

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nico rosberg went to the green awards and he wore a fantastically insane teal blue suit. yes i know hes not a current driver. but you all like hearing about him so ask and you shall receive. unfornunately i cant find a picture of it though

and also not a current driver is mick schumacher, but my roommate asked me to include that he was seen on his girlfriends instagram being bad at golf. like. exceptionally bad at golf. like he hit a tree 20 feet in front of him.

also playing golf was lando norris. except he managed to look like try bolton from high school musical 2.

he also talked about the world driver championship with his friend max fewtrell while they were playing golf. unfortunately i lost this link in the sea of technical difficulties, but the gist of it was that he was saying that there is still hope for him to beat max in the championship (hes about 60 points behind right now). lando doesnt usually talk about the championship because he doesnt want news outlets to paint him as “desperate” so this was interesting

charles leclerc had an insane off week. first he rear ended someone in monaco. then he spoke at a yacht conference. he was not scheduled to speak at said yacht conference, he was there doing something else and they were like hey you're cool people know you, heres a microphone. he alsp ended up on a weather channel while promoting a karting event he was doing for the jules bianchi foundation (his god father, the one who died during the f1 race in japan 2014). he also changed his instagram pop and re centered it because some random tiktoker told him it matched his aesthetic better.

oscar piastri posted a photo of himself sitting in the cockpit of a plane and then promptly deleted it. because he posted it on 9/11. for anyone who doesnt know what that is, that was when some terrorists hijacked commercial planes and few them into the world trade centers in nyc and the pentagon in washington dc

max verstappen also posted a plane pic with himself and lando norris, but he did not delete it.

we also had the return of daniel ricciardo’s jpg instagram account, which is kinda like a finsta for photos that hes taken. i think lando started this a few years ago. 

heading into the race week we certainly got a weird ass batch of pr. including but not limited to:

lewis hamilton was back on top and slaying in the fit game. as was yuki. 

lewis hamilton also exposed george russell as listening to katy perry pre race. katy perry and taylor swift (this was after he claimed that he liked listening to old school rap music.) though, lewis then started singing wrecking ball???? confusing vibes all around

george was not off the hook yet tho because some intern definitely make him say skidibidi toilet or whatever the thing is idk, i might be gen z but im not insufferable, okay? actually george in baku was just all kinds of unhinged

george and alex also got up to something, what it is no one knows but it is clearly something

max pulled up to the paddock de aged about 10 years. picture one is of him in baku in 2015 (i believe he was 17) and picture 2 is this year. no i am not kidding. 

and franco walked into the paddock telling everyone about argentinian mate (which is a drink, not a friend)

and max shoved a microphone out of the way so everyone could gossip

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then of course, we had some slightly more relevant drama

haas announced that ollie would be replacing kevin at baku. in case you forgot, kevin magnussen received a total of 12 penalty points over the season so far, which means he gets one race ban. how did he get the points? well he was mostly wreaking havoc on everyone else so that his teammate, nico hulkenberg, could drag his car into the points. lets all remember the time in saudi arabia where he managed to get 20 seconds of penalties by basically driving like a mad man just to make sure that nico could keep his position after he pit stopped. anyway, nico was kind of pissed about the race ban situation and said “maybe the guidelines for F1 penalties need to be reviewed as the stewards ‘want to get involved’ no matter the contact.”

in any case though, k mags was out. and ollie was in. we’ve seen ollie before. notably he subbed in for carlos sainz at the saudi arabia gp when carlos had appendicitis. he managed to get points as well. since then, he has been announced as a haas driver for 2025 and is now subbing in for k mags (haas, later in the week called him a super sub. clearly no gen z person read that over.) he can do this because ferrari has a haas engine so they share reserve drivers.

adrian newey finally got employed. i know! i can hardly believe it either! but he did! and youll never guess where! 

ferrari? no that would be too obvious. 

mercedes? nah

williams? no too much of a shit show

aston martin? ding ding ding! just the right amount of shit show! 

that is right. newey is going to aston for 2025. 

apparently he was offered a “good package” according to himself, which i assume means pay and also the fact that lawrence stroll made him a shareholder? stakeholder? whatever its called. in the team itself. basically he has a lot of power. 

he said that he always wanted to work with fernando and lewis. and he couldn't do both. and aston had a better package than ferrari. 

fernando looked positively evil during all the announcement pictures. and called the team "definitely the team of the future" and for those of you who don't know, fernando is positively evil. hes just been stuck in a shit box and we havent seen very much of him, but man does he know how to evilly slut it up. so that will be fun to see.

by contrast, people said that lance was not excited enough. and well. lance 1. has resting bitch face and 2. never really looks excited about anything. also he lives in a world where take your child to work day somehow became his job. (his dad owns the team).

lewis hamilton was asked what he thought about adrian not going to ferrari, and here's what he had to say:

"i feel like, while I have mentioned before that it would be an honor to work with adrian, i have been privileged to work with two championship winning teams that didnt have adrian."

mclaren announced pato o ward would do FP1 in mexico. who is pato o ward? hes one of mclaren’s indycar drivers and one of the f1 reserve drivers. he is incredibly charming and definitely runs his own social media as seen here:

mclaren Also claim they figured out who their number 2 driver is and they claim its oscar. i say they claim because the statements were a lot more complex than that. essentially, according to andrea stella, the priority is to the team first, then lando and then oscar. so they didn't outright say that oscar is the number 2 driver and i am willing to bet real money that this is because mr mark webber, oscars manager, has something in oscars contract that prevents him from being a number 2 driver. this is of course because mark webber was one of the most infamous number 2 drivers in f1 history to none other than menace war criminal sebastian vettel, who in their time as teammates, managed to win 4 back to back world champions. or, top to bottom if you're mrs darbus from high school musical. 

lando was asked about this and he said that yes, the team does support him. though he would not expect oscar to give up a win for him and that it is more complex behind the scenes. i suppose we will see if there are any papaya rules coming out this weekend….

and oscar said "i think the main point is its not purely just going to be me pulling over for lando every single race, because thats how none of us, including lando, wont want to go racing, if we feel that someone has done a much better job on a weekend, whichever way it is, we want that person to be rewarded."

max verstappen commented on the mclaren situation as well. which was funny mostly because red bull has one of the most defined number 1 and number 2 drivers of any team. he said "you look at it form oscar's perspective, he is closer to lando than lando to me. they have to deal with that."

and allow me to put on a tin foil hat as we are about to talk about the future of the red bull seat. because all i have to offer here is a baseball hat and a red bull can. 

a long time ago we talked about the red bull cans. the ones that red bull makes to promote f1. at the end of last season red bull put max and checo on the red bull can. this season at the start it was just max on the red bull can. well. now checo has reappeared on the cans too. and i will tell you what i think this means. it means that checo is not getting swapped this season, which was a possibility for awhile. 

but! there is more! 

daniel ricciardo made an instagram post this week. and it was very interesting. but most interestingly he was wearing a red bull hat.

which he does occasionally, no big deal really. he did race for the for several years, he technically does currently. BUT then he showed up TO THE PADDOCK wearing the red bull hat.

which is Big Interesting. usually you show up in a statement outfit or wearing the team kit. and daniel is not a red bull racing driver. he is a visa cashapp racing bulls driver. they might be owned by red bull but they are Not the same team. so why the red bull hat. in the paddock. well, the rumor is that hes taking checos seat for 2025. and the rumor is that this will be announced before mexico. so checo can have a proper send off. 

and with that. the baku lore. 

theres a lot that has happened at baku. as i said its a street circuit. and i think its the fastest street circuit. but over the years theres been some notable events. 

such as the great kimi raikkonen radio for gloves and steering wheel:

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they gave mini kimi this week gloves and steering wheel in honor of that

the max and daniel crash in 2018 when they were running p1 and p2 respectfully

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and of course. how could we forget. charles’s infamous “i am stupid” radio.

speaking of charles, he crashed again in fp1. not quite in the same spot, but nearly. he took a picture with the marshalls. 

then in fp2 he rage quit, basically saying that the car sucks. 

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but he was back and better than ever in practice three because he managed to top the time charts. welcome back fuck ass ferrari.

some other teams definitely experienced the lows but not really the highs of baku during practice. like lance stroll who came on the radio to say “this is not a car” (good thing they have adrian newey now, right? 

franco colapinto also cut his ear before practice on the neck strengthener stretcher thing that they all use and the team wanted to give him stitches but he was like no no no i need to be in the car in about 5 minutes im not doing that. so he jammed on his helmet and jumped in the car. he also crashed and when he went to the medical center he took off his helmet and there was blood everywhere and they were like no no no you cannot race! and he was like no! this is not from the crash! and then explained it and they let him do qualifying. 

also im pretty sure? ollie bearman crashed? in practice? but frankly i don't have time to google it so whos to say. 

but alas. qualifying. 

i know i know this is kind of a shitty update. i promise ill go all out in singapore. i PROMISE. 

so as i said. its a street circuit. high speed. 90 degree corners. and also windy as hell. we also had the dynamic duo of karun and harry in the commentary box. 

max led the first practice, george led the second and i think charles led the third. or some order like that. 

slipstream here is almost essential (slipstream: going behind another car to reduce the wind drag so you can go faster) 

charles has the last three pole positions (first in qualifying) here in baku, but he has never won. by comparison, red bull have never had pole here but they have won. 

and franco has never been to baku before. 

i think that's all the exposition that we need here. 

q1 started with max complaining about his car. “the car is jumping around like crazy on the rear axle” he said. despite this he was sitting in p3. 

the mid field battle though….the mid field battle was heating the hell up. mostly because none other than franco colapinto, who if you will remember, has never been to baku before, had split the two ferraris. he was in third for the moment, .109 seconds behind carlos sainz and .159 seconds ahead of charles leclerc. we still had a lot of qualifying left to go, so this was probably not going to stay, but it was still insane. he was pushing insanely hard, nearly kissing the walls. clearly he had learned from his crash in practice. 

the two mclarens waited until the very end of q1 to do their final flying push lap, and oscar made it through, but tragedy struck for lando. 

lando was in the middle of his last flying lap, time was ticking down, and there was a Very Brief yellow flag on the track. now, according to rules, you cannot complete your flying lap if there is a yellow flag. so lando pitted and was stuck down in 17th and out of qualifying. this would be the first time that he was out in q1 since vegas last year (which if i remember correctly was also not his fault) 

now though, of course nothing is ever that cut and dry. people thought that there had been a mis showing of a flag. yellow flag means that a car is stopped on track, white flag means that a car is going slowly on the track. and people thought that there had been a yellow flag shown when it was actually supposed to be a white flag (if there had been a white flag then lando would have been able to keep doing his flying lap) lando himself said that he had no idea what people were talking about because there is a light on the steering wheel that lights up when flags are called and he had a big yellow light. so it was clearly a yellow flag. 

if you're concerned about lando being able to pull it out of the bag, id like to point you in the direction of the mexican gp last year where lando qualified 17th and finished 5th. on a track that was hard to overtake on. he can be absolutely insane when he wants to be. worry not gentle reader. 

in any case. also out in q1 was daniel ricciardo, valtteri bottas, zhou guanyu and esteban ocon.

and notably, williams, who was on fucking fire this weekend as we already saw, finished q1 with alex albon in second (ahead of oscar) and franco colapinto in 8th. pierre gasly had somehow managed to also get into 4th. and nico hulkenberg was in 7th with ollie bearman in 13th. i told you the mid field battle was heating the hell up. 

q2. everyone zoomed straight out of the gate. they didn't want to get lando norris’d. but, speaking of that, if lando managed to get no points in the race and charles managed to win, charles would overtake lando in the drivers championship. mark webber himself told this to charles, who was absolutely baffled. 

in any case, charles was kinda suffering right now and that was because he was not getting slipstream from carlos to make his lap faster. meanwhile, carlos seemed to be actively trying to give charles the slipstream because he came on radio to say “he keeps missing the tow” 

and amazingly, franco colapinto was 4 tenths AHEAD of alex albon. alex albon who had not been unqualified by his teammate once since the start of 2023. ex red bull driver alex albon. that alex albon. 

max topped the times in q2, followed immediately by charles. insanely, fernando alonso managed to drag the aston martin to fifth. and franco was right behind him in 6th. by comparison alex albon was in 10th. 

and from q2 we lost ollie bearman, yuki tsunoda (who has never qualified lower than 8th in baku), pierre gasly, nico hulkenberg and lance stroll. so yes, ollie bearman managed to outqualify nico hulkenberg. this is ollies second ever f1 race. 

steaming on forward to q3. 

we had, for review, in q3 the following: 

both ferraris, both red bulls, both mercedes, both WILLIAMS (has not happened since vegas 2023), plus fernando alonso and oscar piastri. 

right out the gate it was wild. 

“red bull! theyve re found their mojo! or have they!” karun said. red bull were in 5th and 6th and not entirely sucking for the moment. 

everyone did one flyer and then came out at the end for a second flyer. 

here were the standings: 

charles, carlos, oscar, george, checo, max, lewis, alex, franco, fernando

and everyone was making it to the line and all was going smooth until-

wait a second what is that

could it be! alex albon! with the air box fan still on his car! surely not!!!

oh but it was! and harry and karun were like oh wow so unfortunate for williams tisk tisk

meanwhile ted jumped on the radio to Loudly announce to everyone that this was insane and if i have time here i will put the rant he ranted cause it was Fantastic.

and what do you know i have time

so we had 3 minutes left qualifying and everyone was pulling out of the pits for their last flyer when oscar hopped on the radio to say

"the williams still has the air box fan in"

"oh what an error! disaster for williams!" karun and harry said. they speculated if the marshalls could get it or if the session needed to be red flagged. but alex threw the fan off the car.

and then they asked "ted have you ever seen that before?" and ted did not hold back:

"ITS A MASSIVE YELLOW FAN HOW COULD YOU MISS IT???!!! HOW COULD THE MECHANICS MISS IT???? I CANT BELIVE THEY WOULD MAKE SUCH A MISTAKE DOWN AT WILLIAMS! SUCH AN EXPERIENCED BUNCH OF GUYS AND GIRLS! WHAT IS GOING ON AT WILLIAMS OPERATIONALLY? HOW COULD YOU SEND A CAR OUT LIKE THAT?"

alex, obviously, got fined for an unsafe release 5k euros. he also had to throw the fan off to the side and got slightly covered in dry ice. he did not get to the a second flying lap. 

franco did tho!

and here were out qualifying results: 

p1: charles p2: oscar p3: carlos p4: checo p5: george p6: max p7: lewis p8: fernando p9: franco p10: alex  p11: ollie p12: yuki p13: pierre p14: nico p15: lance p16: daniel  p17: lando p18: valtteri p19: zhou p20: esteban 

oh ho ho but we werent done yet. because pierre gasly got disqualified from qualifying. for failing fuel flow regulations. and lewis was going to have to start from the pit lane for changing his power unit. 

everyone, and by everyone i mean oscar max and checo, pretty much said that charles was going to get pole no matter what, they knew this coming in and the best they were trying for was second

onto the race. 

notably, this is considered a checo track. this was one of the three races that max did not win last year. because checo won it. its a track that he does well on, evidenced by the fact that he qualified above max in qualifying. so people were expecting big things from him.

and so, we head into lap 1.

charles managed to hang onto the lead. checo passed carlos straight out of the gate for third and max managed to pass george to take fifth. lando had managed to get ahead of nico and up into 13th. notably, franco held onto 8th and ollie was able to hold onto tenth. 

someone who was not doing well was lance stroll, who came on the radio saying that he had a puncture. this was from contact with yuki. lance had to pit for fresh tires and was pretty immediately thrown to the back of the grid. 

by lap 2 lando had managed to get past daniel and was in 12th, he was trying to get past yuki next, which he managed by lap 3. yuki also lost a  spot to nico. 

also slaying in the mclaren was oscar, who took fastest lap. then charles took fastest lap.

and lewis hamilton, who had started from the pit lane, was up to 16th. already. somehow. though he was displeased with the tires, sayig that “this tire is pretty bad” over the radio. 

yuki meanwhile was clearly having a problem because he had started going very very slowly. thought the pit wall said that he had no problems. this would later turn out to be false but we will indulge them for the time being. 

franco was STILL ahead of alex albon on lap 6. STILL. 

lando on lap 8 managed to push his way into points positions, overtaking ollie bearman for 10th. though this was where things were about to slow down for him because in front of him were alex, franco and fernando, who were all very close together and would be hard to get past. 

george was back in bad luck hell as a plastic bag entered his airbox. will he ever catch a break. 

on lap 11 nico hulkenberg finally caught up with ollie bearman and passed him for 11th. 

and max’s car was not working. to potentially no one’s surprise. “i have zero bite in the car” he said. and this was probably true because checo was a whole 6.5 seconds ahead of him. insane gap. 

several pit stops later that i will not detail out because we simply do not have the time, alex albon ended up in 4th and lando ended up in fifth. and oscar was about to get undercut by checo. 

“mojo seems to be back for checo perez” harry said, correctly. 

mojo was back for him indeed. and now he was right behind lando. 

and if you will recall, according to mclaren themselves, priority at mclaren is the team first, then oscar, then lando. but oscar was ahead of lando. so what did mclaren do? 

they asked lando do hold up perez, but not compromise his own race. 

remever a long time ago when i said mclaren wouldn't have any internal drama this season? man how i was wrong.

lando managed to hold up perez for around a lap or two before he got past. this was crucial because this was during when oscar was in the pits. 

thanks to lando and the power of the papaya rules teamwork, oscar ended up coming out in 4th, only .706s ahead of checo. 

mclaren are working together everyone! mclaren are working together!

meanwhile, turns out that yuki did indeed have problems because he retired on lap 17 with a hole in his sidepod from the contact with lance on lap 1. this was now two races in a row where he had had to retire for reasons out of his control. 

several more people pitted. and eventually charles was back out in front, oscar was in p2. until he wasn't. no, he didn't dnf. he overtook charles! he was in p1! he popped out of nowhere! nowhere being 2 car lengths back and just flooring it to spring around charles like a little silly slinky! karun called it a “good, fair and robust defense,” which sounds like its descibing notes in wine. but this was not wine. this was the baku gp. and we were only half done. 

ollie bearman was defending against lewis hamilton, holding on tightly to 14th place. 

charles was still behind oscar and he could not get past, despite the fact that he was still very much in spitting distance. “they are pushing like crazy or they have more grip than us” he said. 

carlos got past both lando and alex albon and was up into 4th

this brought max up behind lando. max was on 11 lap old tires and lando was on 24 lap old tires. but lando still defended like hell and managed to hold onto sixth. max was 0.632 seconds behind lando on lap 25 when he said that “my brakes are not working.” this was hardly a surprise. max has hated the car since china.

also experiencing technical difficulties was sir lewis hamilton. he was stuck down in 14th and was first told to do “everything you can do to get the surface temp down” of the tires. he said “im trying” then several laps later on lap 29 he came on the radio to say “are you seeing how i have to drive this thing?” “yes,” bono, his engineer said. “quite effective though.” 

max was still half a second behind lando. mclaren faked a pit stop call over the radio to get max to pit. he did not. 

but, george russell did manage to pass him. which was “not good for max’s world champion aspirations.”

this was also when ted very bafflingly said that “if i had a sofa in the pit lane i would be jumping up and down on it” im not sure what that was in response to. 

meanwhile, ollie was still holding off sir lewis hamilton. and charles was trying to get oscar to pit again by lying over the radio. it was not working. 

lando did a pit stop finally and came out a whole 15 second behind max. he was hoping to catch max by the end of the race. but it might be tight. lets go last lap lando. 

“lando, imagine andrea on your shoulder saying ‘zero wheel spin’ in every exit,” lando’s race engineer said. if you're confused, everyone else was too. 

10 laps to go and here were the order of affairs:

oscar

+.449s charles +1.865s checo +2.989s carlos +16.530s george  +1.909s max +11.535s lando +9.715s fernando +2.589s alex +2.451s nico +4.667s franco +1.590s lewis +1.261s ollie +1.791s pierre +9.205s daniel +23.919s esteban  +.789s lance +3.862s valtteri +3.631s guanyu 

lando was determined. he took fastest lap on lap 43 and was 8.8s behind max

at this point, the leaders were starting to lap the cars in the back. “the back markers are starting to come up,” checo’s engineer said to him. “its going to get messy.”

“hold onto your hats and if you don't have one go get one and hold onto it” harry said. harry would turn out to be correct. 

we had the top 3 all running very close to eachother, that was oscar, charles and checo and “welcome to the party carlos sainz!” who was now 1.2 seconds behind checo in the four way battle for the lead.

definitely not leading was lance stroll, who retired on lap 47 with a brake problem. 

oscar managed to pull ahead of charles by 1.5 seconds, finally knocking him out of DRS range. so now it was a three way battle for second. and charles had “no rear tires. no rear tires at all.” 

and, just like i said he would, lando managed to pass max on lap 49. he was closing the gap slowly in the championship. 

“verstappen’s day goes from bad to worse,” harry said. because lando still had fastest lap, so he would score 3 more points than max. which is important if lando wants to beat max in the championship (though i think hes still like 60 points behind)

meanwhile! franco managed to pass nico hulkenberg for 10th! he was in the points!!!! at his second race!!! 

but this was short lived because there was a crash! a big smackeroo! between carlos and checo!! checo was mad, carlos didn't know what happened. 

what happened was that carlos was trying to pass checo but checo did not move over. it was deemed an equal fault accident. both of them were utterly confused at what happened and apparently spent 20 minutes in the medical center being utterly lost and aparently saying that sometimes this sport sucks. and! contrary to what several people said! checo did not bang on carlos’s helmet after the crash. 

the crash actually caused chef's dad to have a heart attack. he is stable now.

and well. this clip of george from the post qualifying interviews definitely didnt age well:

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but! since we were a matter of a few laps from the end, this meant that the rest of the race was finished under a virtual safety car. 

which meant 

OSCAR PIASTRI WINS THE AZERBAIJAN GP

and george inherited p3! 

and on his own merit too! no safety cars, no team orders, no weird shit! 

“yes!” he whispered over the radio. 

he almost fell getting out of the car, then gave us all the “one moment” hand gesture before properly celebrating. 

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he also got driver of the day! 

(this was marginally better than george russell, who said over the radio “i cant get any rubber (to pick up on his tires) all im getting is leaves”)

gunther steiner also hosted the post race interviews. which was interesting. 

george said that the most difficult part of the race was “driving full gas into a wall of carbon fiber on the penultimate lap…the vsc should have come out sooner” 

charles bashed ferrari because they didn't do any high fuel runs in practice. 

oscar was entirely pleased. “i managed to overtake and hold onto it for the next 35 laps..one of the better races of my career.” and honestly, oscar winning a race straight after mclaren basically announcing that he was their number 2 driver is nothing short of hilarious.

and! mclaren was now leading the constructors championship by 20 points! for the first time in ten years!!!!

the top three had a moment outside of the car that was filled with baffled: 

and oscar's engineer tom got to stand on the podium with him. he usually takes a selfie with oscar after each race he podiums at, but he was too excited to so george took this picture for them

(george also aparently demomished oscar in a game of uno on the plane, immediately humbling him)

george also shielded himself from the champagne on the podium

the cooldown room reacted to the crash in a very straight forward manner:

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and very quickly cause its midnight and the singapore gp starts in 8 hours, the post race, speed ran: 

-mark webber told off laura winter for thinking that oscar didn't have good tire management

-alex albon was “super happy, that's a lot of points for us” (williams finished in 7th and 8th). he cut his own interview short when ollie bearman arrived, saying “I can go, im happy to go” and then waving comically. 

-williams was so pleased with this result they blasted everyone with champagne. and they overtook alpine in the constructors championship! this was also their best race finish all season

-(and a quick note, if youre going to really blame logan for being that shit of a driver here, please remember that the car he was driving was several rounds of upgrades behind alex's pretty much the entire time he was driving it)

-ollie became the first driver to ever score points in his first two races for two different constructors because the double dnf pushed him up to 10th place. he said that there was not much difference between the haas and the ferrari, the ferrari was just red

-franco continued to charm everyone and flirt with the reporters. 

-they interviewed george and lewis and the camera had to be adjusted for george's height. it was comical and resulted in my favorite edit so far of the season (sound on)

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-lando looked pleased and happy for once. he said about holding off checo that “i didn't hold him up i just had to cool my tires a little.” he was delighted to be leading the constructors for the first time in ten years and he defended alex albon saying “i struggled to get past alex for a while, which is common, alex doesnt make mistakes.” he also ratted on max for going to fast during the VSC and said “i didn't complain, facts were stated.” and to sum it all up he said that “im executing things well, i’m very quick…i’m not going to be the happiest guy, but i am never the happiest guy….car is performing well everywhere…some red cars behind us seem to be our biggest competitors right now” 

-by comparison george insulted all of pirelli. the tire people. “pretty infuriating that it (the pace) changes this so much….its black magic, people who make the tires don't understand the tires…..for 20 laps we had a car not worthy of points and for 20 laps we had a car fighting for victory and the only difference is the tires.” 

-lewis was notably upset after the race and walked through the paddock with his helmet on, not wanting to talk to anyone. but he did talk to franco and ollie and congratulate them on a job well done defending against him and racing against him. franco even fangirled over this on his instagram. 

-charles was clearly upset with ferrari. he was so upset he posted a thirst trap.

-and oscar. oscar was very happy this afternoon. and his mom was there! she doesnt usually come cause it scares her, but nicole was there today! 

-mclaren celebrated with a hell of a lot of champagne. both oscar’s wina and lando’s insane recovery, and the fact that they were leading the championship. red bull have been dethroned, at least for now. 

-there was so much champagne that lando took off his socks to spray it. all seems well at mclaren. 

-at least one thing is for sure, oscar had a better time here this weekend than last year when he got food poisoning and only ate four pieces of toast

and with that. we head into singapore. quite literally as it is starting in a few hours. again, i apologixe about this post. its a little sad, but the next one will be better. pinkly promise. 

see you all soon!!!

[bimbo-baggins17]

Im ovulating rn and horny asf so here’s a little reqs for when they’ll open again🤭

Readers is a little older then Sam and he just got his driver license after refusing to do it for years (and also never getting it because he was high) So he decided to show off his skills and get her at her house. Reader’s like "You sure you’re that good?" And proceeds by giving him a bj while he tries to drive.

– 🍬

☆…━━━━━·:*☆…━━━━━·:*☆…━━━━━·:*☆

CW: 18+ MDNI!!! Smut, oral (m receiving), dub con?, unsafe driving, cum, use of petnames, not proofread! I think it’s gender neutral, lmk if I’m wrong or missed anything!:)

A/N: Hope you enjoy, my sweet candy anon! Sorry this took a little but it was fun to write. I welcome more of your ideas <3

☆…━━━━━·:*☆…━━━━━·:*☆…━━━━━·:*☆

You were confused seeing an unfamiliar car pull up in your driveway while you sat out on your porch smoking a cigarette, until the driver’s side door opened and your boyfriend climbed out. A smile works its way onto your face.

“Look who’s finally a legal driver!” Sam exclaims happily, arms outstretched.

You chuckle, smile widening, “Yeah? Bout time, Monroe. Now I can finally stop carting your ass everywhere.”

He rolls his eyes, “Yeah yeah, whatever,” He shakes his head before leaning back against the hood of his car, folding his arms across his chest. “How bout I take you for a spin in this bad boy, huh? I even rolled us a celebratory joint.”

Your eyebrows quirk up, taking the last drag off your cigarette before putting it out in the ashtray. “How can I say no to such an enticing offer?” You respond, standing up from your seat, making your way down the porch steps and over to him.

Sam’s smile widens, getting back in behind the wheel as you get in the passenger’s side. He starts the car up then looks over at you, “Ready baby?”

“Mhm. Let’s go.”

He backs out of your driveway, resting one hand on the headrest behind you as he does before he’s pulling out onto the street. He turns the radio up a little, some song by A Perfect Circle coming through the speakers.

He drives through the neighborhood before heading to the backroads where you’d usually go for a cruise and smoke. “See? I’m a good driver.” He quips with over confidence, one hand on the wheel, trying to impress you.

“Let’s see how good of a driver you really are.” You practically purr.

He glances away from the road briefly. “What?”

You lick your lips and undo your seatbelt, reaching over the center console to palm his semi through his pants. He sucks in a sharp breath, eyes widening as he glances down for a second before trying to focus on the road again. “What..what are you doing?” He stammers out as you undo the zipper and button.

“What’s it look like?” You respond, pulling his hardening cock out.

“Sh-shit babe.” He grunts, unconsciously pressing his foot down harder on the gas, his other hand settling on the wheel.

You pump his shaft a few times, working him up before leaning across the center console, enveloping his already leaking dick into your mouth.

He groans, eyelids fluttering but fighting to keep them open. Shifting in his seat, he pushes himself further into your mouth, making you gag around him.

“F-fuck..” he grunts, sparing glances down at you every few seconds, listening to the wet sounds coming from your mouth. Sam lets go of the wheel with one hand, using it to make a makeshift ponytail to hold your hair out of your face and guide your movements.

You hollow your cheeks, bobbing your head at a faster pace, sloppily sucking his cock. Drool mixed with his precum dribbles out of your mouth and down his shaft, catching in the curly hairs at his base. Using one hand, you pump the rest of his length that you can’t fit into your mouth.

His brain was short circuiting, attempting to focus on the road but your warm mouth was so intoxicating, sucking him off so perfectly. The car picks up speed as his foot continues to push down on the pedal more, unable to help it, his knuckles turning white as he grips the steering wheel tightly.

“I-..ah-..ah” He can’t get the words out.

You hum happily around his twitching shaft.

He groans loudly before his hips jolt up from the seat again, spurting his hot load into your mouth.

You pull off of him with a ‘pop’ and swallow, licking your lips.

Sam is panting, as he tucks himself away, stealing another look at you, his cheeks flushed. “Y-you’re gonna be the death of, y’know that? That was..so hot.”

You bite your bottom lip, wiping the remaining drool off your chin. “Glad you think so.”

He could feel his cock already hardening again at the site of your own flushed face, “How bout I find us a spot to pull over and I let you take an extra ride?”

[sccrim]

JEALOUSLY PART 2. !

warnings : ( teasing )

part two of jealously w a little bit of rafe teasing you c: ! also shout out to @angzls cus they wanted a part 2 c;

you couldn't say you were over rafe but since he was involved with sofia, you had to try to accept it. yeah of course jealously hit you still after always seeing them together but what can you do. oh wait, you can make him jealous. you knew rafe couldn't control himself everytime he seen you with some random guy at that.

"isn't rafe gonna start something?"

"isn't that the point she's trying to make?"

"i just need someone good looking, or like someone he hates."

"jj!" you and the girls said that the same time. you cheered in excitement. "will jj agree though?" you bit the inside of ur cheek. "he owes me one so he has to." you unlocked your phone and texted jj making sure the plan was in motion.

"what am i doing again?" jj questioned as you guys pulled up to the house party. "just grab me or hold me. even kiss me if it makes him that mad." you fixed your hair. jj was kinda excited to see rafes expressions. "is this what rich feels like?" you laughed at the comment. "you literally live with me. you know what rich feels like."

"okay ready?"

jj held your waist, walking inside with you. many whispers and looks coming from everywhere. you still smiled and held your head up high. you knew if everyone was talking about it, rafe would be in flames.

"did you see them come in together?" ruthie looking around for you guys again. "who?" sofia looking around as well. "y/n and jj." rafes head snapped. "since when?" topper questioning. "i don't know. everyone is saying right now."

rafe spots you from across the room. he knew you were bound to come but he didn't know you would bring someone. especially jj. "at least she's having fun." sofia smiling. poor sofia, having no idea why you even came to this party.

"kiss me." you sensed rafe staring, this was the plan now. jj grabbing your body towards him and you leaned in, wrapping your arms around him. "is he still looking?"

rafes eyes went from normal to low and angry. "you okay?" sofia asked him. "yeah, i'll be right back." he chugged the rest of his beer and walked off. "stay here, he is gonna follow me right now." jj nodding and you walking off. this was your other plan, you just didn't know how it would play out.

"out now." rafe snapped his fingers to the people who were in the bathroom. "in here now." you smiled, following his directions. "jj now? really." rafe leaned against the sink. "problem?" you snapped. "fucking jj?"

"aren't you with sofia? isn't that her name?"

"don't play fucking dumb y/n."

"i'm not."

"you know what youre doing."

"it's working though isn't it." you slightly laughed.

"you better be done with him by tonight." he demanded. also just like you, he never asked— he would tell you to do so. "and if i don't?" you kissed your teeth. "don't fuck with me." he paused. "you know damn well what i would do." you walked closer to him. "this is the rafe i know. i wonder if sofia knows about him, hm?." you lifted up his chin.

rafe swatting your hand, grabbing you and putting you on the counter sink. "what do you want from me y/n. we both know we are toxic for each other. yet, you keep coming back. why is that? hm? do you miss me? do you miss me in you?" you stayed quiet.

"why quiet now? so it is that? you miss me?" he smirked putting his hand under your dress. you couldn't lie, you did miss him. you missed everything about him. but he was also right, the toxicity was eating you guys up. "tell me y/n— im waiting." he looked into your eyes. his hands leading up to your silk underwear.

"rafe." you whispered. this wasn't the plan you were going for but you didn't mind it. "hm?" he moved your underwear to the side. circling around your clit. "tell me, you want me." fuck y/n, what happened to sticking to the plan. "i'm waiting princess."

"you're done with jj, tonight. if i catch you with someone else or him again i swear your life and theirs will never be the same. trust me princess, you'll be begging for your normal life before me." rafe left the bathroom causing you to jump off the counter fixing yourself. your plan was literally fucked from the moment you walked in the party with jj but hey, at least you found out he still gets jealous.

 sccrim — all rights reserved. please do not modify, repost , translate , or plagiarise my content.

[yoonyeon0]

⭑.ᐟ WASTED! | kengan hcs pt. 2

── .✦ WITH: julius, kaneda, kanoh, kaolong, kiozan, kiryu, raian x you

── .✦ SUMMARY: the kengan men had a bit too much to drink - how do they act?

── .✦ WARNINGS:

suggestive, cursing, mentions of alcohol, drunk idiotic men, raian, kiryu, female body parts and pronouns used, throwing up mentions, might be some spelling errors: sorry in advance, ooc 😪

── .✦ AUTHOR’S NOTES: second part!! the last part will be posted tmmrw 😝

⭑.ᐟ JULIUS

nothing changes??

bro has a great alcohol tolerance and can drink as much as he needs and won’t get drunk to the point where he is acting a fool

couldn’t be hayami lol

you were regretting your decision of challenging your big mass of a boyfriend to a drinking match. you were already 3 drinks down and you felt like throwing up while the man beside you was just calmly ordering his fourth.

“are you okay? you’re going to lose if you don’t hurry up and order your fourth.”

you slowly cranked your neck to make eye contact with julius while he spoke. it seemed like he could tell you were out for the count based on your eyes widening in disbelief. the sight made him chuckle and unfortunately, you weren’t gonna let that slide. he’s not only gonna hurt your pride but also laugh in your face? now you gotta get your get back.

“please get me three more drinks!”

your abrupt declaration of war made the man next to you stare in confusion - an emotion that you don’t usually see on his monotone face. you stared back at him with a smug grin on your face, somewhat provoking him.

“i don’t get it, why are you so put up with beating me in this? you know as well as I do that you can’t win.”

“well if i get too drunk you’ll take care of me so either way it’s a win-win situation for me whether i win or lose!”

“you’re more of a idiot than i thought.”

“hey what’s that supposed to mean!”

✠ ——— ✠ ——— ✠ ——— ✠ ——— ✠

⭑.ᐟ KANEDA

tries his best to stay composed but don’t blame him if he starts acting up

either way I don’t think he’s the type to do something so outrageous without Lihito or Okubo convincing him to

slurs his words but tries to cover it up

you were walking into the surprisingly busy bar with the intent to drink a bit and go home but that was ruined when you saw a certainly familiar face. kaneda suekichi, your crush for God knows how long. not noticing the mayhem happening in front of him, you decided to talk to him.

“oh hey kaneda! i didn’t expect you to be here!”

he turned away while giving you one of his usual small smiles.

“well i didn’t expect yu to be her as well [reader]!”

anyone with some type of hearing could notice the prevalent slur in his words.

“kaneda are you drunk?”

“n-no! i had a drink or two but im not drunk!”

the man waved his hands in front of him as if to deny the claim but once you decided to take a closer look at what was happening behind you knew that you couldn’t be so wrong.

it didn’t take you long to identify the three men that lurked around kaneda that were now singing a terribly off tune flyday chinatown. it seemed that it wasn’t only them, there was definitely more drunk men joking them while jumping and holding bottles of all types alcohol up in the air.

you deadpanned.

“those guys convinced you to get drunk right?”

"n-no.."

you raised an eyebrow.

“yeah..”

you decided to sit down on one of the bar table stools, dragging kaneda with you.

“uhh, i hob your not planning to get drunk too!!”

“well, a little bit of fun never hurt anybody right?”

✠ ——— ✠ ——— ✠ ——— ✠ ——— ✠

⭑.ᐟ KANOH

i wouldn’t say he is sensitive to alcohol but i wouldn’t say he isn’t so he’s in the middle

anyway, when he’s drunk he is much more smiley (uncanny valley smile btw) and i mean even in the worst moments

will smile when you mention ANYTHING. your dog dying, you getting promoted, etc.

doesn’t speak at all because he holding back the urge to puke so don’t tell to him to talk plz

you had gone to the bar because your husband was texting you about how much he had drunken and that he “definitely needed assistance” or in other words: he wanted to see you.

when you walked in, you hadn’t been so scared before. i mean, a man that is perceived to be mostly nonchalant was here smiling more than a baby.

“kanoh…how much did you drink?”

his soft smile got wider but he didn’t give you an answer.

“are you okay?”

no answer, just a soft smile.

you had decided to take the initiative and get him home as soon as possible because he most likely was already on the verge of throwing up everywhere. i guess he really needed that assistance.

✠ ——— ✠ ——— ✠ ——— ✠ ——— ✠

⭑.ᐟ KAOLONG

realistically speaking he DOESNT get drunk - he’s way too responsible for that

but if hypothetically speaking, i don’t think much would change - maybe a slight slur in his words that only you can catch because you have heard his voice a million times

maybe his cheeks would be redder/heat up

but i don’t think it would ever happen

a strange sight indeed,

your husband and his best friend doing karaoke with bottles everywhere so you obviously assumed that at least one of them had to be wasted.

now standing in the karaoke booth's doorway, you had noticed that your husband was now looking at you with a soft smile that he always gave you. since you were his significant other you could obviously see the slight redness on his cheeks. you slowly puffed out your chest to make yourself look more intimidating before starting to scold to two grown men.

“you guys completely left me out! going to karaoke while im at home and lonely!”

you sharply turned around to point a finger at the man who was shouting greetings to you before sending him a directed insult.

"and you! how do you think your girlfriend would feel seeing you out here completely gone because of your absurd ways of drinking!"

as if on command, the boy immediately quit shouting and instead sat down next to your husband with a frown on his face, as if preparing for more insults.

your husband was now looking at you with regret and guilt in his eyes, as if begging you to forgive him.

"im sorry dear, this whole thing was unexpected. if saw paing here had notified me beforehand I would absolutely ask you if you would like to come along."

you sighed loudly before taking one of the empty microphones one the table filled with bottles before beckoning with of the boys to come sing, in which you got confused faces.

"well cmon! i dont want you two to have all the fun without me!"

✠ ——— ✠ ——— ✠ ——— ✠ ——— ✠

⭑.ᐟ KIOZAN

dead silent when he drinks as well

I know that there a lot of the 'silent types' but this one is the best imo

he drinks like he is on a MISSION.

don't talk to him whiles he's downing all of these glasses of alcohol because he won't hesitate to death stare you untill you leave him alone

and if you dont, well

he won't do anything because he most likely is already too drunk to do anything

"hey, don't you feel sick?"

you had asked the man in front of you about his current condition because everything was giving you red flags. the man wouldnt say a peep to anyone and his face continually got redder and redder. he kept drinking like he was being forced to or something. you were just a sole bartender and it was probably not the best idea to even talk to him but it seemed like he was about to explode!

after meeting nothing but silence, you decided to speak up once more.

"uhm sir? im pretty sure this amount of alcohol is really bad for you and you should stop!"

this time you seemed to provoke a reaction out of him. he slowly looked up before giving you one of the nastiest glares you have ever received. you swore that you had killed his family or something by the way he was looking at you. eventually after maybe 3 or 4 minutes of death staring you, he continued to drink up his beer.

you stood there in shock while dead panning to yourself. you didn't get paid enough for this shit, why should you even bother?

but on the other hand, helping a cute boy might work in your favor.

so there you stood and spoke. persisting that said man should put the drinks down and go home. obviously he wasn't listening to you so you had no other choice but to keep going back and forth with him.

this had to be worth it in the end, right?

✠ ——— ✠ ——— ✠ ——— ✠ ——— ✠

⭑.ᐟ KIRYU

imma be SOO HONEST

reason this part came out so late was because this dude was the hardest to decipher

I literally don't think he would drink

and not because he's responsible or anything

literally just because he doesn't?

if he were to get drunk not much would change bcs it's....kiryu

im gonna have to come back to this one so ill keep thinking abt it

✠ ——— ✠ ——— ✠ ——— ✠ ——— ✠

⭑.ᐟ RAIAN

raian is my spirit animal

shouts curses EVERYWHERE

i mean he does that without being drunk but he slurs his words HORRIBLY

literally you will need a translator for this bcs HUH?

honestly mean, wrong, and loud

"HEY! YEAB YU GILY GIRL! WHAS TAKIN SO FUCKIN LONG WIT MY DAMN DRINK?"

you could see it in the eyes of your co-worker; she was absolutely terrified. you could tell the man was calling her shook her to her core and you could tell he was so close to running in the back. you sighed while rolling your eyes before finishing the customer you were on before going to your co-worker's trembling to attempt at comforting her. you stood in front of the man's red but terrifying face before pointing behind you; right into the man's face.

"hey, if you dont wanna take this scumbags order you can go out into the back for a break. we're almost done anyway and i dont want to stay here a minute longer."

your co-worker's eyes lighted up as her chest slowly deflating: as if holding some type of weight.

"th-thank you [name]! i promise ill repay you for this!"

you smiled a small smile while waving her off before returning to the man of the hour. he seemed to be chuckling instead of his usually yelling and insulting.

"hey, so yu hab the damn nerve to fuckin call meh a scumbag righ?"

you pout the side of lip up before giving him a disgusted face.

"listen. right now i could give less of damn of whatever is bothering you. tell me what you want to drink so that the both of us can be on our ways."

as if in a flash, the man suddenly disappeared and when you finally saw him again he was super close to your face, practically breathing on you. you pushed him back but he wouldn't budge, he would just continue to laugh sadistically and edge you on even more.

"ugh, leave me alone you fucker! i dont want you fucking nasty hands on me you dick!"

"hey now, don't be suh a stranga! you've got hella balls talking to me like that so i took a likin to ya! yu shoul be honored ya know?"

you swiftly furrowed your eye brows before taking a deep breath. you were gonna lose your temper because that's what his crazy ass wanted so you were stay like this untill he deemed you unfun-

"wouh! hey! where the fuck are you dragging me you hoe!"

"oh cmon! I won't do anythin to ya sweetheart! just wanna let gramps kno that I found my typa woman!"

"your type of WHAT?"

2025 will be sm different, my new years resolution is to not be gone for more then two day at a time. im gonna grind. also made this a 2:35 am so I'm TIREDDD gn or gm if you see this

𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙧𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩𝙨 𝙗𝙚𝙡𝙤𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙤𝙣! 𝘿𝙤 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙖𝙡, 𝙘𝙤𝙥𝙮 𝙤𝙧 𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙣𝙨𝙡𝙖𝙩𝙚 𝙢𝙮 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙠.

[vmlnrzmp4]

encountering the expected.

kaiser x reader

a/n: suggestive

it's been ten minutes, give or take, your friend promised to be back soon. it might seem like she abandoned you but you know her. so you wait and wait.

a red cup of some drink in your hand. you're not even aware of what drink it is. back leaned against the wall as the party goes on. you helplessly watch. and you helplessly wait.

you don't get along that well with kaiser. but you have what he calls a privilege to call him by his first name.

so when he sees you, you're unaware of what to do. you look away—a typical reaction from a loser like yourself. from your peripheral vision, you see kaiser saying something to his mates before approaching you.

you look back at him, still occasionally avoiding eye contact. he hits you with the "hey," as he gets near. you parrot that as a response. "you? here?" he questions knowing how you prioritize your comfort zone so much. you'd never attend an event like this. he knows that. obviously he does.

the party music and your low voice only made him shake his head. he gets closer, leaning down to hear you properly. you tell him that your friend forced you and that you never wanted to be here.

there's a little silence—not really, with the party music blasting—but it's absolutely awkward.

so you add that you're waiting for her.

he simply hums, running his eyes up and down you before commenting on your outfit. criticizing and making fun it. that. was. it. you ramble.

you ramble and ramble.

"no, i did not put much effort, wearing this. and ive told you before that i was forced here. and this stupid—stupid red cup im holding which my friend—who will be here any moment now—told me to hold it incase any unwanted man approaches me and yet here you are—"

you are cut off by his chuckle.

"but i'm no stranger am i?"

from the corner of your eyes, you could see someone staring. you look around to see few girls and maybe kaiser's mates glancing your way, then talking among themselves.

you're not going to blame them you think they might be gossiping. you quickly get aware of the fact that what they might see from their point of view— kaiser pinning you to the wall.

kaiser reads your discomfort like you're an open book(of course he does.)

you get distracted for a moment. gaze falling onto the tattoo on the back of his hand. he has one on the side of his neck too.

does it join? is it connected?

you weren't sure. but you're back at feeling annoyed. your eyebrows furrow. you were so so very annoyed.

kaiser hits you with the "hey," again and you question with a low hum. he tests the waters, leaning in closer, he grabs your wrist, till your peripheral vision is not to be focused on.

now that he gets closer, your attention stays completely at him and him only. but at the same time, you're tired and growing a little subconscious with the irritation.

his grip on your wrist lightens and you free it from his grasp only to tug at his sleeve.

"im not going anywhere," he reassures. he gets more touchy-touchy. just gestures to ease your discomfort. but there's only much they can do till you're distracted again.

you don't realise the music getting louder when here, kaiser has leaned against your ear again, "push me, or hit me if you don't like this, yeah?" he tests the water again. mouth trailing over your neck.

you exhale.

his lips felt soft.

so so soft.

he pulls himself off. your eyes were closed. and now little hazy as you stare at his. "c'mon, my car's outside—" he cuts himself, realising it's better to carry you there than you make you walk. so he does. carrying you out in his arms like a princess.

the time was thankfully on your side, it didnt feel long till you got to his car. in his car, on his lap. he made you straddle him. arms rubbing on your back soothingly. the dim yellow light felt calming. it's quieter. it's nicer.

"you ok?" he asks.

"yes," you trace the tattoo on his neck. "pretty."

"it's swirling thorns trailing to the back of my hand that joins this crown, ya see?"

you trace blue flower, making him smile as he leans in, kissing your jaw and going lower. hovering his mouth on your neck and collarbones so chastely.

he parts to capture your lips with his just as delicately. the kiss so pillowly and feathery, never wanting to stop. but the time wasn't with you again as your phone rings loudly.

still, you were proud of yourself for believing that your friend wouldn't ditch you.

—

ass title ik

[tension4mari]

Hii could you write something sweet and fluffy for semi/player380 x fem!reader x min-su/player125? (If you don't wanna write for a three person relationship you can just do semi x reader) Have a good day !! :)

I was grabbing my computer so fast once i saw your request. SO EXCITED TO WRITE THISSSSS

Paring 𖹭 Semi x Fem!reader x min-su

Summary 𖹭 Reader was feeling down so semi and min-su decides to throw her a mini party.ᐟ

𐙚 "Hey, Semi Don't you see Y/n over there sulking?" Min-su whispery yells to Semi while She was peacefully strolling on her phone, looking thru apps.

𐙚"Yeah now that you mention it, she's been looking down ever since this morning, I wonder what's wrong with her?" Semi replies while putting down her phone sitting up straight turning her head to look at Min-su

𐙚"I'm not sure, but I'm going to go check if she's fine." Min-su says back. "Alright" semi says while watching Min-su slowly approach Y/n's figure as she's slumped on the couch watching TV

𐙚"Yn??, Are you okay? Me and Semi are worried about you, you've been acting depressed since this morning..." "Mm 'fine, don't worry" you murmured under your breath slumping even more into the couch.

𐙚 "Well it doesn't seem like it... Tell us what's wrong y/n" "ugh Min-su i just told you that I'm fine. Stop worrying about me. IM going to go take a nap.

𐙚Yn slowly retreats to their shared bedroom Semi shoots Min-su a glare and ask's what was all that about

"She just wouldn't tell me what was wrong?" Min-su says quietly to Semi. "Well now we know somethings up for sure... Man, I wish she would just tell us"

𐙚 "...." "Hey Min-su, Let's do something fun for her. Cleary she's had a bad day. Let's cheer her up" Semi spills "Smart thinking Semi! Yeah, let's do something for Y/n!"

𐙚"Let's head over to the store and get the stuff" Semi say's "Aright"

𐙚Semi and Min-su were now at the store looking for little part supplies for yn's little special party "Hey Semi I've gotten all the stuff we need" Min-su says "Yeah same here, Let's go check out, we needed get home before yn wakes back up."

𐙚Semi and Min-su head back home and quietly opens the front door putting all the bags on the table, carefully to not alarm or wake you up in the process of them decorating the living room. They start decorating by getting small ballons and blowing them up to put on the floor of the living room. They then start putting all of the snacks they have bought onto the living room table.

𐙚"Min-su go get some blankets so we can put them on the couch, We can all watch a movie together once she finally wakes up " Semi goes to the kicthen to get more decoration to hang up.

𐙚Finally done with everything al they had to do was wait for y/n to wake up from her peaceful slumber. "I think I'm going to die, she's been asleep for so long" "Min-su stop being inpatient. You know yn hates that. Just as Semi says something yn walks in the living room.

𐙚 What's all this guys? Did you guys have a party and not invite me? seriously so rude. WTH!!!" "No no no no yn you got it all wrong me and Semi did all this for you!" "Right, we have been waiting 3 hours for you to get up, Min-su almost died just sitting around for so long!" Semi says

𐙚 "WHATTT??? Thats so sweet of you guys. I'm going to cry." "Yeah, Me and Semi wanted to do something about your mood you've had earlier, we hope you like it... "LIKE IT?? I LOVE ITT!" "Thats great to hear , speaking from the fact i spent 200$ for all of this. semi whispers under her breath . "Hm? what did you say Semi? i didn't hear you. "I didn't say anything" Semi says while shoving her hands in her pockets and getting up to show yn all the snacks on the table. "So many options of snacks! you guys went all out! "Yeah heh, we didn't know what you were in the mood for, so we got a bit of everything! "Omg you guys are the best! This honestly makes up from the shitty morning I've had" Y/n speaks

𐙚"Were happy you love everything we did for you tonight, let's enjoy it before the night is over" Min-su says while walking towards the couch and clicking on a tv show to binge watch the entire night "I'm sorry i made a fuss earlier, speaking like that... I don't know what i was thinking. It was rude for me to do that. "Hey...it's alright, we knew you wasn't feeling too good, we are just glad you like what we did for you" Semi says "Yeah, she's right yn, its ok we just want you to feel better. "You both are the best, I love you guys.! " "We love you back" both Min-su and Semi says together.

Im sorry if its bad. It seems very demoted of emotion! I WILL WORK ON THATTT

Also! Thank you very anonymous person who requested that for me <333

I'm really tired now.(it's 9am)

[mechahero]

//Some HypnoOutlaw AU stuff because I have a problem

Lambda's username on there is jetixis (or cyberworldz maybe? If I go down the cyberworldz username route, he'd use it out of spite or some attempt to seem cool because it's ironic to use the name of Hypno.space's competitor while being on HS. Even though he uses Hypno.space and doesn't use CyberWorldZ at all.)

His desktop wallpaper is the classic light green and slightly darker shade of green checkered background. Or a Taurus X wallpaper. He changes between the two a lot.

Listen, his display settings are Squisherz themed, except for the sound which is default. His cursor setting is HS default or this cool gauntlet cursor he found while poking around one night. His screensaver is Oozle Drip.

Motor City isn't a thing but he still does live in Virginia. I don't know where in it yet.

He's usually on HS to hang out with people. He's kind of lonely in real life and uses the internet as a method to connect with other people and talk with them!

Yes, he has a virtual pet. It's Mushi. He used to have an April the Flying Hamster but he made the mistake of taking a weeklong break from HS and it sort of... died? (I know the pets don't actually decline or die when you log off but roll with it.) He's still upset about it.

The song that plays on his page is either Wild Sleep, or he managed to scoot around HS's copyright system so he can have Platinum Retriever or Glamopaster #2 as his page theme.

His page is... well, it's not really weird exactly. It's kind of just average? Imagine a page for a heavily masc 18 year old but slightly juxtaposed by the fact that he often talks about cute things he likes. And the background being pink perhaps, that too. Maybe a mix of cool and cutesy gifs and stuff.

He just kind of talks about whatever! From the music he likes, the shows and games he likes to watch and play. Average stuff. He won't shut the hell up about KATACLYSM and a vampire show he likes though.

Has a page dedicated to Taurus X. He wanted to make a fan club so he could talk about it with other fans of the show but he wasn't sure how to do that, so it's just a page.

Has an unlisted page that's tucked away. It mostly functions as a diary. It's more of a place for him to try and put his thoughts and feelings. It's rarely updated due to how weird he feels about it.

He has another unlisted page which is basically just a place for him to put his fanfiction. He mostly writes a lot of worldbuilding stuff for the world his character is in. He very rarely writes stories about his character, which is a cyborg catboy that takes cues from JRPG protagonists. (Just... roll with it. Please.)

Has a third unlisted page where he posts screenshots of drama he comes across and talks about it. Think like Gossip Girl. Lambda tends to follow these bouts of drama very closely. It's mostly for his eyes only as he's aware that it's really fucking weird to post about someone else's drama publicly, hence the unlisted page. Doesn't stop him from getting into the occasional fight outside of that page though. Because never knowing when to keep his mouth shut is just consistent with Lambda no matter the verse.

He's a sparklehaze disliker, sorry. He's tried to like it but it's not his thing. Dislikes a lot of cosmic music and coolpunk songs as well.

Ironic considering he's a Fre3zer fan lmaooo (he only likes Icy Girl and that's it so that doesn't even count.)

Secret Seepage fan. He keeps it to himself but Lambda really does like their songs. He just doesn't want to be made fun of for listening to the HS equivalent of nu metal lmao.

He's just kind of nosy. His nights when not spent in ChitChat talking to his friends or posting on his page consist of going onto other people's pages and looking through them. He has a lot of fun going through rabbit holes and seeing just how many pages are connected to each other. The downside is that he tends to find a lot of weird stuff. But hey, that kind of happens so he's not too bothered by it, he just moves on.

You know Lambda would have the HS_Lifestyles badge on his page. And HS_Music. And HS_GamersOnly while we're at it. He's not subscribed to a lot of things.

[daisybell-on-a-carousel]

Still very wild to me when people try to gotcha Jason with the whole "if you can kill other people for being evil why can't they kill you" when jason is like. One of the most passively suicidal characters I've ever seen. What if man

[spaciebabie]

oh so you wanna fuck that monster huh. make sexy art of them without giving them muscles and/or making them look human

[uglyf4wn]

realizing that communication actually doesnt matter as much as ppl say it does, bc most ppl glorify it and see it as a magical solution when in fact communicating your feelings/wants/needs only work if other ppl are receptible to it. which... most ppl arent, both bc many dont want to bc it requires too much effort of them and it's easier to shift blame on others not "communicating", but also bc many many ppl just have brains that arent wired to understand others, or other viewpoints and perspectives. thus, no level of communication will make someone who isnt capable of receiving it hear you. most efforts to "communicate" are completely wasted. and it's frustrating, but what can u do?

[xxplastic-cubexx]

do u think either charles or erik had trouble coming to terms with their love for one another?? like religious guilt, internalized homophobia, etc.

Many such cases really … not hard to imagine them dealin with that …

[bacchuschucklefuck]

caps from comic Im doing

[fruitybashir]

Holly Holy

Relationship: Bojan Cvjetićanin/Kris Guštin Chapter: 1/? Tags: Alternate Universe - Summer Camp (Not Underage), Genderbending, Catholicism, Falling In Love

Excerpt:

Kris wonders what Bojan got up to after graduation. Did she study? What field would she have gone into? She sang and played guitar in a band when she finished school. Does she still enjoy making music? Kris had forbidden herself from keeping track of Bojan’s band. She remembers watching her play in the school gym, to an audience of at best indifferent teens and yet she was radiating with energy, smiling as she sang and messing up her chords occasionally but so visibly ecstatic to be on stage, and Kris had felt–

Bojan’s eyes meet hers across the field and Kris realises she’s been staring. Bojan smiles at her, an easy smile, conversational and kind and Kris quickly looks away.

Read it here!

[k1tty5]

hello :D please tell me more about your mezalian (is that how you spell it??) smalletho I will forever be indebted to you

(they are gorgeous I love them sm)

hey hi !! it would be my pleasure … (and I’ve been spelling it mezalean ??? but i have no idea LOL. there might be a canon spelling but i havent watched joels esmp1 since… probably since it ended. i will have to check sometime)

apologizing in advance because i will probably get very ramble-y!!

ummm. Oh god. How to start. Lets see. WELL. In this silly little au (i guess it has become a bit more than just me doodling designs LOL) in my head they have like this sort of zelink dynamic? obviously without all the zelda lore & stuff, just that kind of … okay forgive me I haven’t brushed up on my zelink lore for a good many years but. Like the princess and her personal knight that doesn’t really talk much sort of thing.

this made more sense in my head. But yeah. They have the vibes of zelink ? At least if i remember zelink right, I have a really bad memory :’) not exactly the same, i do think etho talks to joel (whereas if iirc link never really talks) - especially after getting to know him a bit - but just. they have the Vibes. You know?

I reckon Joel’s definitely very into sculpting in this au, maybe dabbles a little in painting - I imagine mezalea to be very heavy on art and expression in general. think you’d especially see lots of pottery and textiles all around the place. He probably also has an interest in some form of like. um. whats the word. Some sort of … fighting. lmao. Specifically thinking of fencing, i had this idea in my head that he’s watched Etho practice outside the palace at some point and is just absolutely fascinated and enamored. by both the practice and etho himself haha.

and for etho… talented swordsman? he is Not washed. i dont really have many ideas for his character in this au To be completely honest, mostly just of his personality. Although, I alsooo think he’s probably not actually from mezalea? I like to draw him with those pointy elf ears, and i think mezaleans are just humans. I cant remember if thats canon or not but um. mezaleans have human ears, so i’d imagine etho’s probably from like.. rivendelle? Is that. What it’s called. The elf guys? Are they elves??? Goodness I cant remember. Grimlands would make sense too since i THINK they’re kind of like. technical engineer guys? but i dont know what species they are um so ,,, yeah,,,,

i think joel’s probably a bit put off by etho at first, mostly just because he’s not super enthused about the idea of a personal guard, but also because the guys a bit odd, you know? but he’s also probably suuuper intrigued by him. he wants to figure this new guy out, and when they start talking a bit more, i think. They are both incredibly charmed by the other. head over heels? possibly.

most of my ideas of this au are just little scenes that are cute and silly but dont follow any main plot. I would love to write some one-shots of some of the ideas i have in the future, but as of right now im experiencing a bout of creative burnout and am busy with the holidays - spending time with family, so… not right now lol!

hopefully this is what you wanted,,,, i tend to get very ramble-y when talking about literally anything, so i do apologize for that haha, i am Not good at explaining things in simple ways, as i’ve said many a time before.