#//like he doesn't dislike the world
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let me assign you an affection language
an undoing influence Can someone tell you what to do? You have been carrying so much love within you for so long it is starting to turn into anger (why does it matter, all you see is red anyways) and you have been dragging this body through each day and every night you are split open on your bed and it is so so so lonely. If someone were to walk in while you were on your bed that way and they stitched you back in a new way, lining the seams with their love and kisses, you’d probably find this dreary world a little more bearable. You want someone to turn you over and over until you look in the mirror and see yourself looking back at yourself with a gentleness which has been lacking in you since forever.
Tagged by: Stolen from @empyreous Tagging: Please Steal
#anonymity annoying me ⤙ooc⤚⚄#global eyes and a growing mind ⤙musings⤚⚄#few lines of the sentence lie ⤙hc⤚⚄#//god this hits SO HARD#//i have to tag it as hc even tho some parts are really not like him#//like he doesn't dislike the world#//he doesn't struggle to live through every day#//and his last sentence is less 'gentleness' and more 'vulnerability' ya know?#//but the 'every night you are split open on your bed'#//YEAH#//he needs someone to come put him back together again#//and make him someone new too#//and i could scream about this result forever but i won't#//long tags tw#//sorry
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Malleus having older sibling trauma. Malleus resenting how Lilia is able to openly express being Silver's parent but had to keep Malleus at arms length because of their roles. Malleus having to know someone who was presumably initially very cold and softened only as he was growing older while Silver had a very openly loving father immediately. Malleus being the child who taught Lilia how to parent and love. Malleus never feeling like Lilia truly loved him after seeing how he was able to love Silver. Malleus loving Silver because they're brothers and at the same time resenting him for having the father he always wanted.
#twst#twisted wonderland#twst spoilers#am I projecting? yeah definitely#but honestly I feel like it could be really interesting in relationship to how Silver and Malleus perceive each other#what I hate is when people make Malleus ridiculously jealous of Silver though#like do I think Malleus resents the relationship between Silver and Lilia to an extent?#DEFINITELY! But again TO AN EXTENT#Malleus isn't going to hate Silver for this lol he knows that doesn't make sense#he still loves his brother yk#but yeah Malleus not being able to openly experience love and then Silver receiving allat has got to sting#his role as prince determines he will always be held at a distance from his world and that's best conveyed thru his relationships with dias#especially as a child with lilia#anyways I also dislike Maleficia and the BV senate because it's definitely their fault such roles even exist between Malle and everyone#okay that's. ramble done.#twst malleus#malleus draconia#twst silver#lilia vanrouge#twst lilia
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delivering controversial takes to the "the gang plays minecraft" discussion
#soda offers you a can#sage edited in post bc this thing doesn't have her for some reason?#addressing some hotter opinions ->#sonic does not speedrun. he would not enjoy the tedious task of resetting worlds to have a chance at performing the same actions over again#he does play but does not take it very seriously and dies a lot. he's there if he's wanted present and that's as much as he'll do#he doesn't dislike the game it's just not that interesting to him#shadow doesn't really get the appeal. that's all.#same with sonic in that he'll do it if the right people ask him to but he'll have less fun than sonic bc sonic knows how to play#general enjoyer tier has nuance within it. amy would go really hard on some aspects but doesn't get to the niche things#like redstone machinery and mob farms etc#silver likes the escapism of building little houses. sometimes he starts a world and lives through minecraft unfiction though#which kills the vibe and he won't touch the game for extended periods of time#elise and cream are the most casual in that the game's fun and they get into it but it's just cozy to them#maria would play minecraft if she was around for it and not dead. she'd be so normal about minecraft she'd be so normal about the end poem#minecraft could fix her but alas she's fucking dead#does not play minecraft crowd has feelings ranging from hatred of the game to it not being their thing#i'll leave it up to the observer to decide where each opinion lies#with the addition of some being physically unable to play minecraft. but you know
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my biggest gripe with the manhwa rn is that they made javier more of an asshole than he is in the novel and then took away most of the scenes where we see him being kind and soft with others.
javier can be an ass, he is a brat and he's especially annoying when he's with lloyd, but above anything else he is kind and loyal and selfless and good. i cannot emphasize enough how good javier is. he's the kind of person who cannot see someone in trouble or danger and do nothing about it. he's the kind of person who would sacrifice his life for total strangers and no hope of any reward. he's the kind of person who can't even enjoy a lavish party without feeling guilty because he'd much rather help people in need with that money.
he's so fucking good, lloyd is a little annoyed by it because he keeps getting dragged into life-threatening situations because javier just won't stop helping people they don't even know. mind you, lloyd is also endeared by this and would not want him to change but god can it be frustrating in his endeavor to keep them both alive.
there's this particular scene that i just. i'm so sad it was cut. where javier is helping around the refugee camp, going without sleeping and eating so he can focus on helping as many people as possible and then he spots a little kid that got lost on his way back. so he decides to help him.
and he's so gentle with this kid.
Javier walked over to the kid and called him. The flustered boy looked up. Javier strove to put on a warm smile on his face. "Are you lost?" “...” The boy nodded, his eyes all wet. Javier carefully stroked the boy's head. "I think I can help you with that. Why don't you let me help find your tent?" suggested Javier. “...” The boy nodded again. "But why didn't you eat the food? It's going to get cold. Are you not hungry?" "I am… hungry," the boy finally said. But what he said next caught Javier by surprise. "But I won't eat it," said the boy. "Why not?" "My mother is hungrier." "Is that so?" "Yes." “...” Javier wondered why this kid came out to take the food when he had a mother. There must be a reason, he thought to himself. He held out his hand. "I will hold the tray for you." "..." "I won't spill it. I promise." "Okay..." Javier took the tray and wrapped the boy’s hand with his own.
like. god. javier is not a naturally warm person. he's very reserved and stoic and sometimes outright cold, but he still tries so hard with this kid. because he knows what it's like to be him. he knows what it's like to be a child and be scared and hungry and without a home. and he remembers how much it meant for a kind adult to reach out a hand to him and help. and he wants to be that to others too.
everything he does, he does because he genuinely believes it's the right thing to do and therefore his obligation. and even when it doesn't come naturally to him, like being warm and gentle to a child, he still tries his best to do so.
and like that wasn't enough, when they finally find the kid's mom, javier finds out she's blind. recently blinded actually. that she used all her strength to get her child to safety and now she has to depend on him to take care of them because she can't do it anymore. her blouse is smudged with porridge.
so javier kneels down and explains who he is, why he's there and that he wants to help. he lifts up a spoonful of food and slowly and carefully starts to feed her himself. she's a complete stranger and javier doesn't hesitate one second to do this for her.
this is who javier is!! this is who he is at his core!! he's kind and he's selfless and he's above all else good!!
if your audience can't imagine javier comforting a child, then you failed your audience. you missed the point of his character.
#i talk a lot <3#tged#the greatest estate developer#ch 127#javier asrahan#sorry i have a lot of feelings about javier and how fucking good he is despite being constantly shoved into his role as badass protagonist#the world wants him to be the knight of blood and iron so bad but he's a kid whose world fell apart when he was a child#and then received kindness for kindness sake and he has never forgotten this.#he will always try to be the helping hand that he received from someone else first#HE'S A BRAT BUT ONLY WHEN HE'S WITH LLOYD. THAT'S BEST FRIEND PRIVILEGE BITCH.#and even with lloyd it's meant to be proof of his trust and closeness to him!! it's meant to reflect how javier doesn't feel the need#to be perfect and always in control with lloyd!! how he trusts him with the annoying and whiny and mean parts of him!!#there's a point to their banter and their bitchiness to each other!! he's not an asshole just because!!#also i've decided i dislike that they made him so expressive. he Would Not Say That. nor would he make that face.#when lloyd can tell what javier is feeling it's supposed to be special because no one else can.#no one else gets to know javier like lloyd does. THIS IS A BIG POINT OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP HOLY SHIT HOW CAN YOU MISS IT.#i'm fine. i'm good. i'm normal about this.
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Hot take, but I think MK is only focused on the city/innocent people mainly because of how it contributes to his vision of a "hero". Like yeah, obviously he cares, but he's so much more focused on his own life and his own friends rather than the greater good (which, valid). Like I think of instances like the end of 2x03, where they distinctly don't help clean up after Pigsy's ping-pong relapse, and the fact that we've only seen MK helping strangers TWICE in the whole show (2x05, where he attempts to stop spider queen by aiding who he thinks is an innocent girl, and those old ladies in 4x01, partly a result of his guilt over LBD), and it's just like. My mans is not his own definition of a hero ("We help people! I mean I- I help people!").
In AHIB MK steals a civilian's hover bike, and he didn't give it back (we see it show up again in 1x09). In 1x01 it's "What about my friends? The city? They're all counting on me!", with his friends notably first. In 4x02 Azure highlights "It's too late to save them! We can't risk unleashing the curse into the world!" to which MK replies "You don't know, we'd risk it for sure!". MK has already chosen his friends over the world. He'll do it again. I think of the end of s3 and his words: "The perfect world is what you make it—so as long as I have my friends by my side, this world! Is! Perfect!".
MK has spent the first 4 seasons of this show maintaining the status quo. Unlike the Lady Bone Demon and Azure, who try to bring about real change, MK is reactionary. He has to be pushed into taking action or solving problems. He's fixing what other people break rather than taking a stand himself. MK doesn't embody a typical selfless hero—which, tbh he doesn't need to, it's why I find him so interesting. He's so obsessed with being the hero and being a "good guy" that he's almost missed the trees for the forest.
Like, MK's defining moment as a "hero" who helps others (set up in 2x07) is saving Mei in 3x10. Saving his best friend. The only reason he had the determination to reach out to Mei at all was because she was so close to him. We see something similar to samadhi fire Mei play out in 4x14 with Jade Emperor Azure, and MK doesn't save him. MK let's Wukong stop him from reaching out to Azure. Azure dies.
I love this guy
#This is why I dislike when people compare MK to Steven (Universe)#Like there are similarities. Of course there are. BUT THEY ARE AT THEIR CORE NOT THE SAME#STEVEN WOULD HAVE SAVED AZURE. MK DIDN'T.#Anyways be prepared for lmk post spam I am biting my teeth rn#AND LOOK. LOOK. IT'S NOT THAT MK'S NOT A GOOD KID OR THAT HE DOESN'T HELP ANYONE#HE'S JUST WAY MORE FOCUSED ON HIS OWN LIFE AND HIS OWN FRIENDS AND HIS OWN GOALS#In general MK gets very tunnel visioned. He's short sighted. His main goal is to help his friends which usually also helps the world#HE'S GIVING PERCY JACKSON OKAY#lmk#lego monkie kid#lmk MK#lmk analysis#imp tag
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the barry the chopper episode of fma 03 is such a wild addition to the lineup it really has it all. it has mini murder mystery. it has gave me nightmares as a child. it has the complete shattering of a twelve year old’s brain that fundamentally alters the course of his development. it has rampant transphobia. it even has hughes
#fma#fma 03#they really didn’t have to do the serial killer dresses as a woman thing they really didn’t..#but yeah i feel like they could have conveyed ed’s refusal to rely on anyone but al through avenues already provided by the source material#in fact imo the opening of that episode (mustang screams at ed to get over nina’s death lol) could have sufficiently accomplished that#but instead they dedicate the entire episode to reiterating this moment in his arc in a crueler and more exploitative way#none of this is to say i dislike the episode#i think it’s unique as an entry in a “shounen” show that shows our protagonist not just out of his depth#but being forced to experience this animal terror and depicting it viscerally.#it’s so important in how it… sort of primes you to sympathize w ed’s irresolution#shounen audiences are used to seeing protags who are brave have strong convictions etc... that it’s jarring to follow this kid#who is constantly making then going back on his claims about the world bc he doesn't know anything. He Is Fifteen#but here we're taking his age and beating you over the head with it#by telling a horror story fundamentally built on the premise of childhood helplessness.#that seems to be in part where the necessity of this episode lies#okay that's enough of that#frogs.txt
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Chimes!!!!!!!!
RC: !!!!!!! RC: HI CREATIVITY!!! RC: Been a while, huh? Surprised I didn't anticipate you showing up, you're everywhere, man! RC: My group's here!!! I know, I know, so impressive~ How's Lands Edge?
CSS: Oh great void. CSS: Hello Infinite Possibilities; Creation Unending... CSS: Chimes, are you even listening-
RC: Really- how's everything been going? Wawa's doing well, yeah? I miss the little bugger. I gotta bribe her to my can sometime... Getting meat is a struggle in my chamber~! RC: Gardener- the latest one, is in great health! I believe she's off sheltering somewhere... Isn't she the cutest?
CSS: With all due respect, you are managing our call line. My time is valuble to me.
RC: Shush, shush- you have all eternity to iterate. RC: Oh!!! Also!!! I organized my pearl archives recently- RC: I paid special mind to the music pearls. I picked out a few I liked in particular and had them sorted to my chamber. All different genres, from all sorts of dynasties... I even found one of the old ones my mama used to love! RC: Soooooo... if you and BROS ever need music files for your game.... RC: Well, you know your guy!
#[HI CREA. HES MY FRIEND TOO :]]#answered: rc#answered: css#<- she Doesn't Like Him for Reasons. or well dislike is kind of inaccurate but.hmm#HIIIIIII#rain world#rain world fanart
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#yup‚ yup..!#b– bidoof! waaahhh! yeah. you thought this post was gonna be happy. then i reminded you of *that* scene. yeah. it makes me cry too. s. snif#time to think about all those theories that bidoof is actually the one who caused the end of the world‚ huh? by jirachi's hand and all#bidoof#i don't think i liked him very much in my first playthrough of pmd sky to be honest. just the fact that he was only really relevant for the#beginning of the game and he was also only relevant for being Barely higher rank than the player team so he could show them around#which was cute and all. and then obviously he came back right for the end which. sob. cry. sniffle. so i like him now. more than i did#which is good. i wouldn't want anyone to not like bidoof. after everything he's been through? he doesn't deserve to not be loved…#look at that face. would you dislike that face? i would not dislike this face. not again
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Ep 6!!!
#Biggest take away from the episode: @fandom Dazai can't be Atsushi's father figure if he himself says Atsushi's father figure is the–#headmaster check your facts#Second biggest take away from the episode: the worst thing the headmaster transmitted Atsushi ought to be the terrible haircut choices#Mmmmhhh I could spend another whole tag rant to talk about how much I dislike the writing of Lucy in this episode 😭😭😭#But I worry I'll start being perceived as someone who hates women if I do so I won't.#(But let me just say. I really really *really* despite the “what women [alien and mysterious beings] want is hard to understand and–#impossible to decipher and more often than not they will say the exact opposite of what they mean” stereotype.#Like I hate it to an intimate extent.)#I quite like Kyouka's backstory!! I feel like she's the most fleshed out female character with a compelling character arc and personality.#I really like her. Lucy and Atsushi working as make-do parents (very largerly intended. More like siblings who are dating but that sounds–#even worse) was very cute. And I appreciate how the events seemed to set off Atsushi's own reflection on parenthood.#The same doesn't happen in the manga since the chapters are placed in a different order.#Overall this is just an episode that when I was reading the manga for the first time solidified my understanding that me and b/sd have#RADICALLY different views on the world. But now that after three years and having long come to terms with it.#I suppose it's just something that's there.#Ususal notes about the animation just for talks. The lack of budget really shows this episode and in the second half in particular.#It's especially noticeable in backgrounds that are just... Not the stunning backgrounds that usually make b/sd's anime strong point.#So in turn the lack of details comes off as twice as evident as it normally would :/#The whole Atsushi / Tanizaki exchange at the start of the chapter until the headmaster's identity is revealed is completely devoid–#of host which has me just?? What happened here??? A track slowly building up tension is an almost automatic choice I'm just like.#What happened. If it was a deliberate choice it was a very bad one in my humble opinion#On a more positive note I really like whoever drew the characters “background appearence” this episode eheh#(you know‚ the more stylized one when they're not on close up)#And the drawings at the end of the episode daz/atsu twilight scene were good. Kyouka's flashback was also good.#That's it :)#random rambles#Oh yeah rip chapter 39 ss/kk scene ig :///
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In a non-despair au(no kg) how do you think beni and kanata would interact?
First and foremost, i feel like Kanata and Hamato's roles on her life would sorta switch around?
Since in a world where the despairs aren't a thing and the tragedy never happened he would have remained in college and become an architect which would make him pretty busy, so he'd really just visit the family every so often instead of being with Beni basically all the time through her childhood. So they definitely wouldn't be as close to one another as they are in the tragedy timeline and Beni would have grown up close to Kanata instead.
While she does have her work as a surgeon and studies in hope's peak i think Kanata would still take time of her day to go talk to her sister and ask how was her day at school and how she's doing, Beni was a very curious kid so i imagine she would sneak into Kanata's room while she's reading/studying and sit beside her. I also feel like in this scenario she would know Kinji too? He was friends with Kanata and liked taking care of the kids from his church so i imagine Kanata would bring him to meet her sister.
As she grows older they'd have longer, more meaningful conversation where they sorta just talk for hours and hours switching from one topic to another. I feel like Beni would ask Kanata for guidance whenever she's struggling with something, also think Kanata would try to help her with her anger issues a bit, tho obviously she wouldn't want Beni to bottle up her emotions or anything.
But the main thing that would change here is that Beni wouldn't have become a medical professional, yeah, she'd still admired her sister a lot but it's Kanata's absence in her life in the tragedy timeline and the fact that she hardly recalls how she was like that made Benitsuru want to become like her as much as she did. So with Kanata around she would have become some kind of historian instead, since that's something she has a real passion for.
#it's not like Beni dislikes medicine or anything#she's just that person that has something else as her main interest in life but went onto develop a career that had nothing to do with it#for one reason or another#so studying world history (documenting the tragedy) is just a hobby of hers#ties into why she goes out of her way to support Akira in her carrer even tho Beni doesn't like music that much#seeing her gf be able to put all her time and effort into something she genuinely adores doing makes her happy#when Akira's first big concert happened she gave Beni (and her family too) tickets to go see it#without pressuring he much since she knows Beni doesn't like loud places. she had in mind that he probably wouldn't go#but wanted her to have the ticket anyway#tho she did end up going. even if her head felt like it was about to explode by the end Beni wanted to be there for Akira's proper debut#it's the only show of her's she's ever gone to#dra#danganronpa another#Benitsuru ando#Kanata Inori#Hamato Ando#Kinji Uehara#oc#original character#hyena ramblings
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i have to think about chilchuck and laios forever
#random thoughts#dungeon meshi#the fact laios is holding back so much anger and he's the one who chilchuck lets out so much of his anger on#like you've seen how many times he beats on him and degrades him and laios just takes it#they're both holding so many secrets from their party like???#chilchuck's entire personal life. laios's interest in monsters and kensuke.#the fact laios somehow hid his interest in eating monsters from the entire party before this???#laios is estranged from his parents and very close with his sister. chilchuck is estranged from his wife and very close with his daughters#chilchuck thinks laios knows him better than anyone else in the party. chilchuck canonically thinks laios is dangerous and unreasonable#which like? reductive but accurate.#laios holds the lives of those he cherishes above all else. the world could go to hell for all he cares as long as those he loves are safe#chilchuck fears intimacy and could never admit how much he values the people around him unless under severe threat#god. i have to read dungeon meshi again. i need to analyze them#one self-sacrificing dumbass and one self-preserving selfish dumbass#laios has problems putting his needs first when it comes to those he loves. i can easily see that conflicting with chilchucks selfishness#i do think after chilchucks failed marriage he would become more hypervigilant in his relationships once he allows himself to date again#like he doesn't necessarily understand what he did wrong but he knows he did something#god the irony of someone so perceptive failing to recognize his wife's needs#imagining chilchuck recognizing laios is not satisfied by something and he asks him abt it and laios is like 'no im fine dont worry abt me'#like fully sincere. laios is used to denying himself what he needs for others#ran away from home when falin was being mistreated. sacrifices his body in the end when he becomes The Big Guy#suppresses himself to try and make others like him more or at least dislike him less#do you think he'd suppress himself at first when in a relationship with chilchuck out of fear of driving him away#chilchuck's perception vs laios's poor masking fight fight fight#god they both fear each other leaving. laios because he fears being like his father and driving chilchuck away like his dad drove him away#and chilchuck because his wife left him and he didn't fully understand Why.#the fact chilchuck thinks laios should act like more of a leader. do you think he fears becoming a poor leader like his dad?#chilchuck trusts and values laios as a leader and that scaring the shit out of both of them 👌👌👌#this is why they're switches okay
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when the old aus come back and grab you by the throat
#like. ough augh thinking about how much of a bastard the overlord is in coleverlord. and how#even as he is incapable of disliking the overlord or its possession of him‚ utterly resigned to the overlord's wants and future dominion#it's still cole. he still loves the ninja with all his heart#loves them enough to throw the whole world into the flames for them <3#like. ough augh i've been making the overlord actively worse to cole during his childhood. but the love cole feels for the ninja remains#he still urges them not to fight not to win but because he doesn't want to fight them#he wants to give the whole world to them#like just. ough augh cole as such a lovingn person and how being possessed by the overlord since childhood would affect that#hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#i am not being coherent at all rn but ''death‚ thrice drawn'' by the scary jokes and ''honey i'm home'' by ghost are like.#heavy coleverlord songs to me#coleverlord
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i know i've said this before on this account but it's been a while and i feel strongly so i'll express it again: i really feel like some of yall need to stop believing that being aroace only manifests in the same few stereotypical personality types. people can be aroace despite being openly flirtatious and affectionate, people can be aroace despite having romantic and sexual desires, people can be aroace no matter what
#squishy talks too much#DISCLAIMER: yall is very general i don't mean yall as in. my followers. this is not targeted#my hot take is that i am so tired of only seeing aroace futaba and yusuke hcs#and i say this as someone who likes the aroace futaba hc#even hotter take tho: i dislike aroace yusuke. like entirely#to interpret the point of his arc where he shows difficulty expressing/understanding his feelings as. he doesn't even have certain feelings#i just kinda dislike that interpretation. nothing personal to yusuke aroace believers tho#my challenge to allo people is to have an aroace hc that makes allos go “ermmmmm they're not aroace”#“they literally said [insert statement that thousands of aroace people across the world have said] so they are NOT aroace”#anyways MAKOHARU IS AN AROACE LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP *shouting out to an entire crowd and nobody claps*
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dorcas meadowes and sirius black are the anti hero marauder characters.
#if you're wondering why regulus isn't here. i shall explain my decision.#right so. an anti hero is a character who does good but has un- heroic like traits#an anti hero focuses on personal motivation above a sort of greater good.#and is generally disliked/on the outs with the clearer hero/villian characters#dorcas is on a clear side of good. but the way they go about it isn't that moral#they kill practically hundreds of people (bad people) out of more anger and grief than anything else#dorcas could be classed as a hero with more villianous qualities (acting on more selfish desires/careless about people they hurt)#sirius comes from a family of more villian characters but runs towards good#his intentions are some 'for the greater good' and just. to rebel.#they tend to act selfishly and impulsively and make bad choices#sirius strives to be a hero but his trauma and intentions land them in anti hero#whereas regulus.#he (unlike sirius and dorcas) isn't on/striving for good.#he is a very neutral character that is trapped in a villianous world#an anti hero actively does both good and bad. an anti hero thinks firstly of themsevles#regulus doesn't. his good deed is stealing the horcrux. his bad deed is joining the death eaters.#he does do both good and bad. but that just lands him as a neutral character. a morally grey victim. a complacent rebel.#dorcas and sirius do good things with bad intentions and bad things with good intentions#whilst regulus does a bad thing and a good thing. and so on. which cancels each other out. making him neutral.#marauders era#marauders#sirius black#dorcas meadowes
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3 for Aldrich, Aldia, Willem & Laurence
9 for Maria
11 for Micolash & Aldrich
24 for Laurence
(Asks from this ( x ) meme)
3) What first drew you to this character?
As for Aldrich, I vaguely recall finding out that he checks the traits I like the most? He was one of the characters I've learned about through fandom and not on my own, and I think this ancient meme about summarises it:
Also:
@val-of-the-north SHUDDUP you're basically so horny for Laurence/Logarius/Snatchers that you can't even picture them in your mind in any way but being naked!!!!!!! *casts the stone back at u*
With Laurence, like with Mico, it was the very first glance at the character in Youtube compilation with boss themes and concept art image. I did not know the lore yet, but the design and the music made me imagine Laurence as sort of aged, sagely librarian. I could not imagine back then that his boss fight would be him being a "helpless abhorrent little mewmew" as kids call it! Heck, I thought he'd have dialogue despite the monster form x) In a way, my first impression was not wrong, with the cut content of him actually talking even in a beast form, and implication of him being a son of Cainhurst cut content librarian NPC! I have intuition for cut content before having information, hahaha!
I have nothing to say about Willem. It might be a memory gap thing, but I swear at some point I feel I was turned off and then booted back up with liking this character already installed in my system x) As for Aldia.... ugh for fuck's sake... yeah, it was this legend:
youtube
I was absolutely floored by this stupid vid even without knowing any context, but I also instantly liked this character. I didn't even know his name yet, but the voice acting and long yapping about philosophy already pulled me in XD (Also unironically, this video is precisely how I give relationship advice fhfhdds)
9) Does this character remind you of anyone you know? Does that affect how you see them?
Yeah, I know this person. I know them very well. I know them more than anyone else. Someone who was misguided (by their destructive influence mentor figure, by their own foolishness and past history, or combination of both, who can tell anymore?) into committing awful things, then despaired over their sins and attempted redemption but also failed in some way? This person is me. At some point I've found myself in front of horrible truth about my past life and personality, and knew I was guilty and sullied forever. That it was over for me as a human being, but that didn't matter, and I could only keep people safe by locking myself away and trying to serve something better.
......annnnd it took a few years of more informed people to (metaphorically) shake me and slap my face into lucidity, explaining to me that I've fallen for the "BPD demonization" that was going far beyond than my individual failure as a friend, and we are always accused of abuse and causing irreversible harm when the worst we do is being emotionally overbearing. I kept losing trust to those friends, telling them that they were enablers who tried to gaslight me into thinking I was not 'that much of a monster', until it was other people with BPD who 'shook me and slapped my face into lucidity'. xd Nonetheless, even though now I know the truth about how society treats BPDs, I remember the feeling of being so monstrous and harmful that I was not even allowed to "touch" people with my dirty hands, how my reality used to be. So, I could write Maria going through this effortlessly, especially considering what she did was more plain and tangible!
In fact... thank you for asking me about this, because I kept wondering why I had such frequent dreams about being Maria, and why the Maria in my dreams acts like abused child that took back control against Gehrman despite my portrayal of the guy being so different. And now the puzzle is solved! That part of me still lives inside, it seems.
11) How did you “fall in love” with this character?
Already answered this for Micolash here: ( x )! As for Aldrich, it was through properly analysing the bigger picture and context of his actions. I've figured that his madness was, in fact, being informed on what was far too ahead of everyone else around him! He, like the rest of the cast, is trapped in the rotting, doomed world in which the only choices are 1) "die with dignity" or 2) commit something unthinkable from moral standpoint for a chance to escape. And will morality of the rotting world will matter in the new world anyways? Won't it all be left behind and be forgiven?
The guy also tried to take everyone else he could with him, like sort of a fucked up Noah's Arc! I can tell that they reused the concept with Rykard, at least, I am glad they know what works xD I'd say that the sadism he experienced upon eating people was either result of insanity (he understood a thing no one should understand), or still didn't exclude the bigger purpose (egotistically revelling in how holy he is helping everyone and doing what no one else dared, which would be like my Laurence). In any case, I have the strongest respect to the courage it takes to transcend the bonds of morality and compassion in order to to greater good. Being burdened with the knowledge of how the world really works, and choosing to push through instead of still being bound... This is why I also like Fauxsefka; learning how this world works, she chose to turn people into Kin so they can't ever become beasts. I am weak for this trope, you don't understand.
24) Do you ever dream about this character? If so, describe a dream you once had about them.
Laurence appears in my dreams only in two contexts: 1) Micolaurence or 2) dreams about finding secret files in Bloodborne that reveal his canonical appearance before beasthood! I can tell the latter comes from my everlasting unsatisfaction with my design for him, because I love it but it doesn't feel "fitting" and I can't identify why!
The former, I think, fandom rubbing onto me x) In two of these dreams, I was Laurence. In other two, I was Micolash. In one of Laurence dreams it was mutual, in the second one I was in love unrequited. In one of Micolash dreams, it was mutual, and in another it was not.. Basically, my dreams allows me to experience this ship from every possible angle. o_o Waiting for more I guess fhhdfsfd
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Thank you for asking! And.. without exaggeration, you've just done quite a psychological work on me by just asking the right thing. I need to think about that, hahaha
#bloodborne#dark souls 3#aldrich devourer of gods#laurence the first vicar#soulsborne#ask replies#personal#memories#dreams#honestly I remember Maria in my dreams hiding in the closet like an abused bullied child.. that big strong woman reduced to this#and I finally know why it was this way#I'd rather not sully Gehrman with something as dirty as my stepdad of course he deserves so much more and he is his own man#I just don't like the approach of turning characters with their own stories and personality into vessels for my trauma#it feels like frenzied flame: you got infected by it and you have unending need to spread it. to scorch the world in your pain.#I don't think this approach would help my healing but instead make me feel worse by nourishing the trauma#I am keeping it sealed away from the world forever now </3#see this is why it hurts me so much when gehrman haters accuse me of being insensitive to people that want to project their negative-#-experiences with men and misogyny onto him even if that means twisting the actual story and character. I do have a reason to do it myself#I just choose not to because I personally dislike the idea of making fandomry about myself more and about source material less#I don't want to bring the pain and horrors inside me into something that doesn't have them. some things can stay clean!#the passive aggression between canon worshippers and fanon enforcers is something that cannot be avoided in the fandoms#and I disapprove of the lie about 100% peace and mutual respect between the 'camps'. we will never FULLY like each other#each thinks their approach is more productive for the community. and that's fine!
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#love seeing people disguising their opinion cofcof racism cofcof about vini through their words of not liking him for whatever reason#real did absolutely right by not flying the team put tk that clownery because of the ridiculous mocking that is happening with him#and im not even getting started on the whole act thing because apparently chanting racist chants is something to look up to according to#i don't believe you should like every single black person in the world but people need to get their asses on and acknowledge wt#wtf goes on on football regarding racism and xenophobia because is showing#the racists are being shown and i have to pray for days where people get their heads out of their asses and see things for as they are#one thing is disliking someone because of whatever reason and another thing is criticizing everything because of your rooted racism.#many reasons of why people don't like him IS because he is black and because he doesn't bend his head like racists expect black people to d#he is not obedient he is not shutting his mouth and affirming with his head because a racist person expect him to#and that bothers A LOT of people because how dare him how dare he not be on his place where my people told him he belong#i hope he continues to be himself and that he gets circled around by people that he can actually count on because he deserves to#many other players are cunts they are son of bitches and dont get HALF the criticism he gets and i hope people learn how to do the maths#because once again we are supposed to solve a problem we didn't create and god forbid we say out loud what is happening.#also go read the fucking newspapers and their disgusting reasons for this. and if you still can't catch on#i hope you like evolving as a human because you are needing some.#fuck this shit not even on my birthday i can have peace as a black person there's always a fucking thing happening to ruin your day#i hope every racist burns btw slowly consumed by the flames so they can see their miserable life before their eyes
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