#//i havent been here in a long fucking time

[yanderemommabean]

Hey It's been a while

First, I just want to apologize for being gone as long as I have. Things got to a heated point at home, and I had to postpone my move until August while facing some health concerns.

Im finally out of that god forsaken house. But it wasn't easy. They cornered me, and I cried for six hours trying to just hold on until the next day when I could go.

Im so so so fucking sorry I havent been able to be on here. I know you all must have been worried sick, and I should've at least made some update posts, but Ive been stressed as all hell in my new home trying to get insurance figured out so I can get insulin, trying to get a job for rent and Sammy's meds (he got diagnosed with heart worms, and im devastated at how long it's been going on so we're trying like hell to get him better, ive been up days in a row worried sick about it while waiting on job offers and its killing me).

I got to take Pixie, and she got checked out too and I havent heard anything, so that's good! I've been sick and trying to figure everything out, and was just not able to write like ive been wanting to. I had to leave behind one person i really didn't want to, who unfortunately is stuck with my family, and its also been eating at me.

I'm alive, just stressed and sick and trying to heal from abuse and the shock of not being yelled at for being sick and scared and making mistakes.

Again, Im so sorry you guys. I should have tried to update at all, I've just had so much going on and so much sickness. I am so grateful to have you guys at all, and the sweet messages you sent me made me smile when I finally logged in and read them.

I can't guarantee an everyday post like I usually used to do, but I'm going to try and at least be back more than I have been! I love you beans. I'm so sorry for the radio silence. Everything came to a fever pitch and has been nonstop trying to get settled in since I finally got away, which was the end of August. Before that, I was sick, unable to stand up without passing out, and barely eating because the abuse was so bad that staying in my room and starving was better than any interaction. I wont go into too much detail but the abuse was another large part I didn't want to post. Just bed rotting and hoping time would speed up to get me out of there.

Anyway, this was a terrible ramble, I'll hush, but thank you all so much for your messages, and im happy to be back! Even if just a bit at a time for now until im more settled in <3

Much love!

-Mommabean

[bxeckersz]

Broken Promises | Caitlin clark x fem! reader

warnings: toxic rls, language, cheating, caitlin being a master manipulator

summary: cait and y/n being toxic idk

A/N: thought abt this during class and its ass cause i havent wrote in so long

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“Caitlin i’m sick of this!” you yell, pacing around the living room as she just stood there looking stupid. You and caitlin have had the same repeating cycle for 3 years.

For three years you guys would argue, she’d walk out, you’d break up, she’d apologize, you’d have makeup sex, you’d get back together, and the cycle would repeat. It’s tiring.

you guys got in another argument after you went through caitlin’s phone and found out she’d been hooking up with some girl for a while.

“let me explain” She exhales out. “Explain for what Caitlin? What do you have to explain? I’ve seen it all! All those ‘late night practices’?” you shout at her. the neighbors could for sure hear us because of how loud you were yelling.

She’d been playing you like a fool. She would tell you she’d have “late night practices” or “media shit” and she’d really be fucking some slut.

“You’re out fucking some random girl while i’m at home going to bed alone, caitlin! Every night!” you yell at her, tears stifling down your face.

“Bro, let me talk” She sighs, covering her face with her large palms.

“No! You don’t get to talk anymore! Do you know what i’ve sacrificed for you? Hell- i’ve lost friends- family members have stopped talking to me because i moved to Indiana with you! it was all for you! everything. and this- this is what i get in return?”

“Okay, and what, I haven’t sacrificed shit for you?” She yells back at you.

you scoff, pushing past her and walking into the room. “Hey- don’t walk away. baby-“ She sighs.

“I’m done with you! for good! your not gonna keep playing with my heart- your not gonna keep treating me like this! You don’t even care- you’re never here anymore!” you sob, covering my face.

“Hey-hey- please don’t cry baby. please- let’s talk this out.. it’s not what it looks like i swear- she’s just a friend. you can even ask Aliyah,” She pleads, her voice cracking as she wraps her arms around your waist from behind.

“Yeah right. friend my ass.” you scoff, wiggling out her hold. “Baby- she’s really just a friend. nothing more, nothing less. i don’t want anyone but you, y/n. I can’t lose you. please- just let me explain.” She cracks.

You sigh, biting your bottom lip, tasting the saltiness from your tears. Your eyes were puffy and red from all the crying, your clothes soaked in tears.

You knew she was lying- you knew deep, deep down she was lying, but it sounded so genuine. And so- you found yourself naked- tangled in her embrace for the billionth time.

For weeks everything had been good. She was coming home on time, her phone was clean of anything suspicious-she dedicated all her time to you. Until- she didn’t.

she started coming home late again, she stopped giving you access to her phone- and worst of all- she came home with a small hickey on her right upper thigh.

she told you it was just lexie playing around with her makeup- but why was it so high up? and of course- you didnt press the issue because she did everything she could to make you stay.

It was 1:36 am and Caitlin still hadn’t returned home. you found yourself on the couch- the tv and the small overhead oven light being the inly source of light.

You made dinner after Caitlin told you she’d be home early. the food you made had been freezing cold the candles you lit being blew out ages ago.

You sighed, that familiar lump in your throat forming as you stormed into the room. You swiped your side of the room of everything, grabbing bags and suitcases. You began stuffing the various items into the bag, making sure you left nothing behind.

For 3 years, all you did was love and support that girl. and she couldn’t even give you a dinner in response.

You stormed to the closet, grabbing everything of yours. you had everything of yours packed. You slipped on your shoes, making sure you left your side nice and clean. You then made your way into the bathroom, collecting your belongings.

Once the whole house was cleared from your belongings, you grabbed your phone and blocked caitlin on everything. You grabbed your car keys off the hook, walking out the complex door.

you loaded everything in your car before calling your mom. You were done with caitlin- officially.

she played with you way too much.

“Im on my way to your house” You cried as your mom picked up the phone. “what happened? why’re you crying? calm down” she jumbled out. “I’ll explain later” You mumbled, words muffled by your cries.

“Just be careful on the road- love you” She says, her voice full of worry.

had you made the right choice??

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Thanks for reading all the way through!

might do a pt 2 to this w caits pov

felt good to write again lowk also ts is not spell checked or nun so

[swampgallows]

.

complaining here because i dont want to burden my friends but still want to collect validation in the form of little pixel hearts

my moms mental state has gotten so much worse and as a result her hoarding is becoming even worse and even more impossible to tolerate. i have tried to have more sympathy about it and to help her with it, sitting with her while she sorts "a box a day" or even just "one thing a day". ive gently recommended she get a new therapist but all she did was change her horse on the SSRI carousel and start smoking weed. i've linked her articles and books and videos, and when she doesnt look at any of them i try to relay to her in conversation what i learned from them when she bemoans "why am i like this?". none of it matters. she just complains that it's "too overwhelming" and she "can't help it" even though she refuses any help at all.

i know it is a mental disorder. i know it is overwhelming. i know it causes her physical pain to get rid of things and at the same time cripples her with guilt to keep it all. but as of right now all we're trying to get her to do is just rearrange the things so that they aren't turning our house into a fucking obstacle course, and she pushes back on that too. like she doesn't want to even organize the piles AS THEY ARE and condense them because she'd rather be "actually throwing things away and putting things away like a human being!"—the thing that she very specifically CANNOT do.

and if we consolidate it on our own? hooooly christ. she goes on a fucking rampage, slamming doors, screaming/sobbing, throwing shit (her shit. it's all her shit). because it's HER stuff and WE touched it and she feels guilty about all her stuff. she STILL talks about when my sister tidied the spice cabinet, convinced that "she threw everything away!" and that was years ago. (my sister is a different kind of insane and probably DID throw a bunch of shit away, but either way all it did was give my mom ammunition for the rest of her life to never do anything.)

this is long enough already so all i can say is that im disappointed in myself for losing more of my tolerance and sympathy. like at this point the only reason i care is because i have to fucking live here since i havent been able to stay employed or move out yet and my mental health is also incredibly bad. but also my mom's becoming much more intolerant and hateful as a human being, which makes me less inclined to keep trying. like she deliberately brings up incendiary topics (usually politics), whips herself up into a cyclone of hatred (every '-ism' you can think of) while preemptively apologizing for things that she thinks that we think about the politics that she "doesn't like talking about" despite blatantly shifting the conversation to bring them up, then devolves into histrionic crying or yelling at us for something she has imagined. this is almost every day. i know she's my mom so im trying but christ alive

[lovelyrotter]

can we all remember to just say 'oh no thank you, i dont like that kind of food' but apply that logic and rules to shipping and letting other people ship again

[arom-antix]

@fishshit I consider your post canon so I made it

Edit: I FOUND IT

Edit 2: Yakov trauma

Edit 3: I lied, here's the design rant

Edit 4: Updated design!

[hauntingblue]

Gear 5 luffy's laugh is so contagious I just hear the drums and go insane how does this work. What did he do to me

[joelletwo]

WAIT i never complained abt my scheduling lol. still have not seen my actual boss more than that one five seconds and me and main coworker are supposed to work coverage out amongst ourselves bc thats more relevant fine and okay. but i ask her about what i should switch to going more part time and off of being Fulltime In Training and she says oh ill talk to [boss] about it. and then does and tells me oh [boss] wants to talk to u about that today or tomorrow.

she never does and shes never in her office so i dont hear anything by friday when i work w my second coworker. who i dont really think either of us vibes w the other lol weve been nice but im happy not to work w her. and the feeling is mutual bc she told me oh is this ur last friday i didnt think u were working [boss] told me u were going to be switching to mon-thru-thursday. OKAY? thats really funnily pointed but WHY DID SHE TELL U AND NOT MEEEEEEE. why cant i just know what im working more than two days in advance lolllllll. i am not made for this pwease.

[reel-fear]

MIKE BLOCKED ME ON TWITTER FOR ROASTING HIS DUMBASS RESPONSE TO THE GRAPHIC NOVEL STUFF!!

grown ass man scared of the 19-year-old queer being mean to him over his public meltdown more at 8.

[forgotten-daydreamer]

oh funny story, last week i reached new levels of "i think i'm a bother 24/7" because i waited too long to tell the nurse at the blood drive that i was feeling unwell. i waited like a whole minute (which is too long. too long when donating blood.) before looking at her and going "i'm not sure, but i think i don't feel good?" and i passed tf out with a bp of 90/60

[turtlespancake]

me when i write a character who is prone to dooming themself and then they run off and doom themself. core traits are stubbornness and a willingness to disregard their own humanity gET BACK HERE IM NOT DONE WITH YOU

[toastsnaffler]

in a hilarious turn of events my flatmate didn't even know I use any pronouns....

[ogdit]

So i binge read the entirety of dungeon meshi yesterday and the day before, and im gonna post a collection of some of my favourite panels, its not even all of them, because i took these from a server when i was live posting about it to them in the spoilers channel

Obviously spoilers under the cut

[silouvertongues]

in the trenches these days fr

[ofcowardiceandkings]

the sinus headaches are already not great but Extra Shit has been added to the pile and im just sat on that right now trying to figure out what the fuck to do

[eisthenameofme]

embracing the vampire autism i have going on apparently means combing through 500 vtm books and making notes on the lore and contradictions in the lore and potential implications and what was intended to be taken from some things vs things that actually make sense in context/with better research and sorting through what was included for mechanical gameplay vs worldbuilding reasons and combining all of this + the information intentionally left vague so i can form my own ideas into an amalgam of schrodingers canon with which to try to figure out what i personally tend to view as canon in-universe and then still figuring out how to insert the contradictory information/alternate interpretations in as like. character opinion/intentional misinformation/etc.

[girlcrushau]