#i really wanted to be all set to like. approach my assertive communication properly from the start here lol i want to start

[joelletwo]

WAIT i never complained abt my scheduling lol. still have not seen my actual boss more than that one five seconds and me and main coworker are supposed to work coverage out amongst ourselves bc thats more relevant fine and okay. but i ask her about what i should switch to going more part time and off of being Fulltime In Training and she says oh ill talk to [boss] about it. and then does and tells me oh [boss] wants to talk to u about that today or tomorrow.

she never does and shes never in her office so i dont hear anything by friday when i work w my second coworker. who i dont really think either of us vibes w the other lol weve been nice but im happy not to work w her. and the feeling is mutual bc she told me oh is this ur last friday i didnt think u were working [boss] told me u were going to be switching to mon-thru-thursday. OKAY? thats really funnily pointed but WHY DID SHE TELL U AND NOT MEEEEEEE. why cant i just know what im working more than two days in advance lolllllll. i am not made for this pwease.

[rachelbethhines]

Tangled Salt Marathon - Queen for a Day Part 1

This is my personal favorite episode in the whole show and one of the strongest episodes in the series. However, even it is not without flaws, so let’s dig in. 

Summary: Rapunzel takes over the kingdom while her parents go away for their anniversary. A blizzard strikes Corona, keeping everyone inside their houses, and an accident in the mountains traps Frederic and Arianna. Xavier reveals that the blizzard was a curse sent by Zhan Tiri, an evil monster who attempted to destroy Corona but was defeated and imprisoned in another realm by his enemy, alchemist Lord Demanitus, who used a device to redirect the blizzard. Meanwhile, the black rocks keep spreading in Old Corona and begin to approach the castle. Varian starts testing the mystical rocks, but his father forbids him, refusing to tell him anything. One of Varian's experiments result in the rocks trapping Quirin.

The Show Fails to Acknowledge How Quirin is in the Wrong

Look, I like Quirin, and he is of course miles better than either Frederic or Edmund. But that’s a low bar to cover and he’s not perfect. There’s a reason why his relationship with Varian is strained to begin with and that reason is completely his fault. 

This scene where he rolls his eyes and is embarrassed by his son, who is just expressing how excited he is to spend time with him, highlights the problem adequately. Quirin is neglectful. He obviously doesn’t spend enough time with his child, nor gives enough positive feedback.   

Now we’re given contexts clues as to why that is; as a leader he’s a busy man, he’s not good at communication, Varian’s made enough mistakes that he no longer trusts his son with important information, ect. This is all understandable and makes for a believable and engaging conflict. However, because the show never has Quirin verably own up to these mistakes it makes his and Varian’s resolution in season 3 feel hollow. 

So This Plot Point No Longer Makes Sense 

As I pointed out in previous episodes, having Pascal’s Story and The Wrath of Ruthless Ruth come before Queen of a Day contradicts this core set up of Rapunzel being trained to take over for her parents and then left on her own for a few days.  

This a Wasted Character Arc

Overall, Eugene’s arc is about learning responsibility and that’s fine. But more specifically, it was supposed to be about him learning to be a king. He’s meant to be a mirror to Rapunzel in addition to her support. He should be learning to be a leader like she is and they both should be growing as a team; taking on the aspects of ruling that the other can’t or shouldn’t be doing. 

That’s clearly what the writing team were shooting for in the first two seasons. Only to then promptly dump it all in season three. Giving us an asspull ‘consolation’ arc instead. More on that when we get to it. 

The Exchange Between Quirin and Frederic Isn’t Expounded Upon 

So this scene is suppose to hint that both Quirin and Frederic know more than they are letting on. The problem is we never get any follow up explaining just how much either of them knows nor whose idea it was to move the citizenry of Old Corona. Details like that are important to the plot and shouldn’t have been glossed over. 

Even if you wanted to keep up the mystery for the moment, then you should have had a scene in a later episode explaining things like this. 

This is a Lie

Granted this is intended to be a lie for plot purposes, but then it is never followed up upon after it serves its use. Meaning Rapunzel never acknowledges her fault here.  

This is Awful Advice

I can’t stress enough just how bad this ‘lesson’ actually is. I had to screen cap the whole thing, it’s that awful. 

Rapunzel’s only arc in the show is her learning to be more assertive. Now that’s fine if we’re talking about her living the life that she wants to live. That’s not the same thing as dismissing others whose lives you hold in your hands though.

A leader has to listen. That’s part of the job. You can't just do whatever you want just cause. Just because you believe you know what's best doesn’t mean you actually do. 

Time and time again we see both Frederic and Rapunzel screw up and hurt others by following this stupid mantra. Yet despite the consequences, not once does either character acknowledge that they’re wrong. Worst, the only people to point out their selfishness are made into villains. 

Hear Him? He Said Months

So there’s some matter of debate about just how long Varian was left on his own after this episode. All evidence points to several months, however in interviews the series’s creator claimed it was only for a few weeks. Ignoring the fact that Chris has lied to the fandom before, I have to call bullshit on that. 

The season takes place over the course of six months, Queen for a Day is meant to the be the midseason finale. Given this line, and other context clues, it stands to reason that Queen for a Day and The Secret of the Sundrop should be three months apart. 

However, the very fact that we have to rely on context clues and ask for clarification by the show’s writers after the fact, means that the crew has failed to showcase the passage of time correctly despite it being an important plot point. 

The Song Contradicts The Show’s ‘Lesson’

I actually really like “I Got This”. It’s my third or fourth favorite song in the show and my personal favorite song to focus on Rapunzel. However, it presents to us a conflict that’s wholly different to the one the episode is trying to tell. 

This episode wants to teach Rapunzel about confidence and being assertive, yet here it’s her overconfidence that causes her to screw up. She’s not actually listening to the people and jumping ahead with ideas because she personally thinks they’re good not because she has anything to back them up, and they wind up blowing up in her face. 

That’s kind of the opposite of ‘listen to your heart’ and presents to the audience that Rapunzel needs to learn a lesson in humility instead. But the show never follows through on this. 

 See Writers? You Do Know How to ‘Show Don’t Tell’

Look, this scene with Quirin is the best written scene in the whole show and deserves to be pointed out. We learn so much here just from the action. Not a single line of dialogue is spoken. We needed more of this in the series and less of the one line info dumps. 

The Audience Deserves to Know Too

We never find out what Quirin is hiding from Varian. Yes, we learn of the Dark Kingdom, the Brotherhood, and of the Moonstone, but none of those things are cause for keeping Varian in the dark. 

Quirin says he’s ‘not ready’, but there’s nothing that we find out in the show itself that would be of any great emotional impact to Varian. It’s poor set up and lack of resolve, once again. 

Oh, Hi Xavier. Where Did You Come From?

Yet again the series fails to actually introduce Xavier properly. He showed up in Under Raps, but with no real establishment. I legit forgot who he was and was confused by his sudden appearance here, when I first watched the show. 

We’re never given an explanation of how Xavier knows what he knows nor what his stake or part in the story is. He’s just there. He’s the very definition of an exposition fairy if there ever was one.   

My What a Let Down This Build Up Is 

Technically we do see Xavier’s story revealed in a flashback, but it’s nothing that actually explains what is going on. By the end of the series we’ll know little more about the big bad of the show than what we do here in this bit of foreshadowing.

Once again, poor set up and resolve.

Conclusion 

So that’s the end of part one. The episodes are broken up on Disney Plus and there’s far too much to cover, so I’ll be breaking them up as well. Tomorrow we’ll come back to second half. 

[jazzicology]

How to learn to be a jazz singer in 5 not-so-easy steps

You may be a classically trained singer who wants to get into jazz. You may be a musician who accidentally discovers they are a far better singer than they ever were a saxophone player (that’s me!). Or you may have no background training in music at all but just love jazz and want to try singing. Whatever has brought you to jazz singing - welcome!

All jazz vocalists, whether newcomers or highly experienced performers, are constantly learning. Here are my top tips for anyone starting on that journey. These are the things I wish someone had told me (or that someone did tell me and I now understand why!)

1. Listen to jazz. This might sound obvious, but if you want to become a jazz vocalist, you really need to love jazz. Try to listen as widely as you can, and as often as you can, across different eras and styles of jazz. Don’t limit your listening to one or two singers – you may love Billie Holiday and Ella Fitzgerald, but you should also listen to Carmen McCrae, Abbey Lincoln, Cassandra Wilson, the wonderfully-named Blossom Dearie and Nancy Wilson (no relation!). Similarly, don’t just listen to Frank Sinatra – try Mark Murphy. There are also some amazing contemporary vocalists like Stacey Kent – and if you aren’t already familiar with singer/songwriter Melody Gardot, well, you can thank me later. Immerse yourself in jazz – and as well as soaking it up, start to listen analytically. Listen to the way different vocalists perform the same song – in what ways are they approaching it differently?

2. Go to jazz school. Don’t be shy! There are excellent courses for aspiring jazz vocalists at all levels of experience. I had the truly wonderful experience of attending the Jazz School UK run by Nick Weldon and Andra Sparks, which offers courses run by them and other top UK jazz tutors, including jazz vocalist and teacher extraodinaire Pete Churchill. Courses include one-to-one vocal training, group classes for singers, and courses that bring together singers and accompanists to learn to play together nicely without fighting. There are also excellent summer schools that offer places for vocalists, including the Dordogne International Jazz Summer School led by pianist and composer Andrea Vicari, and the International Singer and Songwriters’ Retreats run by Paolo Vera and Pete Churchill. If you’re not in the UK, there will be courses available where you are – just google it. Weekend and week-long courses are intense, immersive experiences where you can make real breakthrough progress (if you can survive being with jazz musos 24/7 and getting very little sleep!). The other very cool thing about courses is finding other musicians you ‘click’ with - it’s a fantastic way of getting a group together.

3. Learn how to learn songs properly. When I started out singing I focussed on building my repertoire as quickly as possible. I rushed about collecting lovely songs and lyrics like they were butterflies. I’d figure out which key was best for me, and consider the job done. Now, with more experience under my belt, I take far more time with new material – really getting inside the lyrics; the placement of syllables and key words over the music; and working to learn the melody accurately ‘from the dots’ before developing my own original ways of performing and improvising. I’ve learned the hard way not to learn a new song just by listening to a record – the singer you’re listening to may not be accurate on the melody, so you’ll learn it wrong (and yes, it will be obvious to everyone). More importantly, there’s a real risk you will just end up sounding like a karaoke version of that recording – and that’s not very jazz. Your job is to figure out how to make every song your own.

4. Learn to work with other musicians. No matter how well you know your material, or how good your vocal quality, practising on your own will not prepare you for live performance. Jazz is created ‘in the moment’, is never the same twice, and involves responding to and ‘vibing’ with your fellow musicians. So a key part of learning is having the courage to get up and sing with a band. Jazz jams are one way to start, but be warned – some jam bands can be brutal with inexperienced signers. My tips for beginners: Be prepared – bring copies of the music for the band, know your key, and know how to set the tempo and confidently count everyone in. Be respectful – the band will almost certainly be better musicians than you. The band are not your ‘accompanists’ - you are there to create jazz together, so listening to them is just as important as making noises yourself. There’s a fine balance between being respectful and the need to also Be assertive. When you climb onto that stage as a vocalist, you take on the role of band leader. Own it! Be clear about the rhythm, the intro, the tempo, the key, and how you plan to finish. Communication is everything.

5. Find your own voice. Listen to yourself. Be self-aware. What sounds good? What doesn’t? (and get advice on the latter from your tutor). Most importantly, what is uniquely you about your voice? No matter how much you may love them, there’s no point copying the vocal stylings of Amy Winehouse or Billie Holiday – you will just end up sounding like a cheap imitation of them. The reason they were such incredible singers is because of the distinctive personality of their voice and their individuality. In jazz, you do you.

Nance Wilson

Queenstown, New Zealand

Nance Wilson is one half of the new jazz duo, Jazzicology, with Mark Rendall Wilson, and has a long-standing collaboration with UK jazz pianist and composer Sid Thomas. 

Facebook: @Jazzicology 

Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/nance-wilson-trio

[mysterylover123]

Todoroki’s Relationships Part 5: Training Camp & Hideout Raid Arcs

The Training Camp arc is mostly about Todoroki’s relationship with Bakugou, with a little sidecar for Midoriya.

Todoroki compares Bakugou to Kota; this indicates that he views Katsuki as basically a bratty kid. Baku protests the comparison, and Shoto apologizes (apology #1098234) but doesn’t retract the comparison. 

He gets a chance to use his fire power to help others. Momo steps in to defend him, though also to reprimand her classmates and tell them that they need to learn to be self-reliant. Todoroki tells her it’s fine by him

And helping his friends brings out one of his rare smiles.

We see him thinking in sync with Midoriya and Bakugou 

He comes over to Midoriya after noticing him asking Aizawa about All Might. Midoriya confides in him about Kota.

He shows some impressive respect for Shoto, putting him on the same level as All Might. Shoto then gives him some fantastic advice.

This is very interesting as far as Shoto’s relationships go. It’s clearly an important principle of his that actions speak louder than a person’s words. He often seems to judge people in just that manner: He came to respect Bakugou and Momo for the skills they demonstrated, and didn’t listen to Midoriya until Deku could back up his ideals with actions. Perhaps this also pertains to why Bakugou doesn’t annoy him as much as you’d expect. He isn’t as concerned about what he’s saying.

He also brings up Deku’s words to him, indirectly. He criticizes Izuku again, something he has a surprising tendency to do. Shoto is more of a non-involvement type of person, avoiding meddling in Iida’s personal problems until he was already in trouble, and noticing but not acting on his concern for Momo until it boiled over. Izuku is more interfering, meddlesome, and pushy towards other peoples boundaries. It’s true, as Shoto points out here, that that can be annoying if it isn’t backed up with actions. It’s also absolutely the kind of person Izuku is. This is an interesting difference between them.

He’s paired up with Bakugou for the trial and Bakugou tries to switch with Ojiro. BTW, Ojiro was paired with MINETA. That’s how badly Bakugou apparently wants IcyHot away from him. My god. You couldn’t be more insulting if you tried. 

Shoto’s usual approach to teamwork, as established in previous episodes/chapters, is to take charge and try to handle everything himself. While the members of his Cavalry Battle team, as well as Shoji, were fine with that, neither Deku nor Kacchan is. Both refuse to be bossed around by Shoto. All three are assertive, leader-type characters who take charge and try to handle everything on their own. 

His reaction to hearing Bakugou is being targeted is to reprimand him for his recklessness. He saves Bakugou several times with his ice from Moonfish. Here and there the two achieve smooth communication, though not necessarily great teamwork, usual from coming to similar conclusions at the same time about Moonfish. 

They think rather alike, as both have already figured this out and Bakugou is annoyed with Todoroki for telling him what he already knows. 

Here, they try to negotiate, with Bakugou trying to come up with a plan to take out Moonfish as he drives them into a corner, and Todoroki being more cautious. Another difference between these two is that Bakugou is more reckless, more interested in solving things Right. Now. Shoto, meanwhile, is more cautious, and unless upset emotionally, he generally tries to keep calm. 

However, here their behaviors are reversed. Bakugou is faster to figure things out and realizes exactly what to do, while Shoto wants a quick fix. They are on the same page enough to use fire and explosion simultaneously to calm down Tokoyami. While they don’t work together as smoothly as Shoto and Momo did in the Final Exam arc (after their pep talk), they do work together better than you’d expect, given both of their track records with teamwork.

We get a brief bit of negotiation between him and Izuku, which is mostly them giving each other exposition.

He utters another command to Bakugou, who again hates being bossed.

When Bakugou is taken, we get Shoto’s first extreme reaction to a friend being endangered. While he certainly showed his capacity for anger at the pain of a loved one before (his Mom), this is the first time he’s expressed it about one of his classmates. The first time we get to see Shoto being protective - not just passively concerned and caring about people, but sending a giant ice wall at a villain to save someone.

His reaction to Bakugou’s abduction is not quite as extreme as Deku’s (”GIVE HIM BACK”), but by Todoroki’s standards, this is pretty emotional. He unleashes the power he’s been saving this whole time out of fear of putting others at risk, and grows far more erratic, emotional and expressive.

He takes the time to notice Midoriya’s pain as well, showing concern for him and giving him an order which Deku, being Just Like Kacchan, defies. The difference between Ochaco and Shoto here is she asks, Shoto commands. Deku doesn’t listen to either one of them.

These are his and Izuku’s expressions when they get ahold of the guy who’s taken Bakugou. He’s furious and focused, dead-set on taking him down.

When he thinks Shoji has saved Bakugou he looks happy

Desperation when trying to catch the BakuMarble

And when he fails to  catch the marble...he looks ready to start crying.

And moves in to try and comfort Izuku when he falls over.

What we get from this arc for his relationship with Midoriya is that Shoto notices what’s up with Deku, cares about his wellbeing, can work together with him all right, and finds his interfering personality a little irritating. For Bakugou, we see that Shoto and him aren’t perfectly in sympatico, but can actually work together ok; that Shoto sees Bakugou as kind of childish, but that he cares deeply about him and is rather protective of him. 

HIDEOUT RAID ARC

We get a soft, concerned look at Midoriya when he visits him in the hospital.

He bluntly tells Izuku that Kacchan is gone. This straightforward attitude doesn’t seem to bother Izuku (consider that he grew up around Bakugou, no wonder). Shoto looks pretty devastated himself at Bakugou’s loss.

They must have been going to visit Momo first. 

Shoto makes it clear what’s motivating him here: Bakugou could get killed. He can’t sit around when Bakugou might be in deanger of dying.

However, the decision is Yaoyorozu’s. It’s clear he can’t make her, and he looks surprised when she appears. 

When Iida hits Izuku, Shoto looks properly horrified. We don’t see his reaction to Yaoyorozu saying she’ll help because she trusts him, but it is a moment worth noting. 

Shoto makes it clear that his interest in saving Bakugou is selfish. He isn’t doing it because of what he sees as a pure ideal of heroism, as Izuku and Kirishima both try and justify their actions by bringing up their ideologies. For Shoto, he knows this is because of his own personal desires.

a

This is the first time I can recall of Shoto criticizing Momo, the way he’s wont to critique most of his fiends. He asks her a logical strategy question and she quickly gets defensive and cites reasons that, according to Kirishima’s analysis, are just a cover-up for her real motive. Momo wants to appear good and competent around Todoroki, so she gives a better motive for her actions here than she may actually feel.

He tells them to get moving when creeps start hitting on her, showcasing a kindness and protectiveness of Yaoyorozu here.

When the Pros appear to have handled this situation, he looks back with Izuku, showing that he wasn’t as sanguine about their capacity as Momo and Iida are. Todoroki, being the son of the very flawed #2 hero, most likely has less confidence in their infallability than his peers. 

He looks just as scared of AFO as the others but snaps into dtermined mode like Deku and Kiri when Bakugou is audible...

And moves in to save him with Izuku, having to be stopped by Iida.

He looks very determined to save Bakugou, but can’t act on it. When Midoriya has a plan, Shoto gets a little impatient with him and gives him a very Baku-like order. (in the Viz translation)

He and Momo are left alone and leave together; he calls Midoriya quickly to see if the plan worked successfully and check in on both him and Bakugou. We see some good comfort passing between them.

We don’t see much of Shoto during the All Might vs AFO fight; we meet up with the Rescue Squad again once the furor has died down.

It’s debateable who Momo is speaking to here. "You three” could mean any of the other four. If she includes Todoroki, this is a moment of her reprimanding him mildly.

This arc doesn’t really do much to develop Todoroki’s relationships. He’s worried for Bakugou, he works well with Midoriya, and he’s a little quizzical about Momo.

[militant-holy-knight]

American Founder and second U.S. president John Adams once extolled his era. Some called it The Age of Reason. It was a time in which people were beginning to know more about their world than they ever had before. Knowledge was increasing at an exponential rate, and this filled the air with excitement. The Old World – Christendom, led by the Catholic Church – was on its way out. The Enlightenment was well underway to shape the West forever. Adams, a Unitarian, was greatly pleased that men would be able to lead their lives and their own society on the basis of their own conscience.

He then less than halfway joked that, just maybe, something bad might arise from the movement of his day:

“The world grows more enlightened. Knowledge is more equally diffused. Newspapers, magazines, and circulating libraries have made mankind wiser. Titles and distinctions, ranks and orders, parade and ceremony, are all going out of fashion. This is roundly and frequently asserted in the streets, and sometimes on theatres of higher rank. Some truth there is in it; and if the opportunity were temperately improved, to the reformation of abuses, the rectification of errors, and the dissipation of pernicious prejudices, a great advantage it might be. But, on the other hand, false inferences may be drawn from it, which may make mankind wish for the age of dragons, giants, and fairies.”

Indeed, a great many false inferences were drawn from the Enlightenment. This period in history, which shaped America herself, started a downward spiral for the West that appears to have no end. Adams was right. In spite of himself and everything he achieved for the United States, times have definitely grown darker, and the cause for our empire’s downfall can be traced to its own blueprints.

As a result, the people in our day have a great need for escape. Over two centuries later, men find themselves at odds in a hateful world ruled by principalities and powers that are insurmountable. The people have been force-fed “the progress of civilization.” So now there are vast entertainment industries that produce escapist literature, film, music, and games to help people flee from the madness of their overlords. Over the centuries, they’ve carried the label of Romantics, Decadents, Symbolists, Counter-Culturists – they all run from the oppressive boot that shoves them onward to a destiny they didn’t ask for. They seek to escape from forced rationalism into something mystical.

Our Imaginations Must Be Free, Not Trapped

The mind can tolerate a wasteland for only so long. Men require a pilgrimage and retreat. Otherwise, one settles for vice and debasement. Experiencing wonder is necessary for a mature mind. It is not enough to be raised in a plain fashion, learning good moral habits to live by as if it’s all a simple matter of hygiene. Becoming a lawyer for “what’s good and what’s bad” does not securely instill the Faith in children, who, above all, are in the business of make-believe. No, we must leave the districts and subdivisions gerrymandered in our brains. We must fly above the rooftops from our suburban bobo communities. We’ve got to run for our lives into something fresh, new, and perhaps even dangerous:

“At first they had passed through hobbit-lands, a wide respectable country inhabited by decent folk, with good roads, an inn or two, and now and then a dwarf or a farmer ambling by on business. Then they came to lands where people spoke strangely, and sang songs Bilbo had never heard before. Now they had gone on far into the Lone-lands, where there were no people left, no inns, and the roads grew steadily worse. Not far ahead were dreary hills, rising higher and higher, dark with trees. On some of them were old castles with an evil look, as if they had been built by wicked people. Everything seemed gloomy, for the weather that day had taken a nasty turn. Mostly it had been as good as May can be, can be, even in merry tales, but now it was cold and wet. In the Lone-lands they had been obliged to camp when they could, but at least it had been dry.”

–From The Hobbit

Perhaps it is true that people are considered respectable when they “never have adventures or do anything unexpected.” Maybe it is true that the majority of people value someone who never breaks a taboo and can be counted on to be consistent and predictable. And, after all, even Puritan-loving John Adams will tell you that obscure men are hardly ever honored. Conformity and monotony are what the world tells you it wants. But this mode of dry, uninspiring, Dudley-Do-Right, unimaginative thinking is like planting seeds in depleted soil:

“[T]he seminal ideas of Plato, Aristotle, St. Augustine, St. Thomas, only properly grow in an imaginative ground saturated with fables, fairy tales, stories, rhymes, romances, adventures–the thousand good books of Grimm, Andersen, Stevenson, Dickens, Scott, Dumas and the rest. Western tradition, taking all that was the best of the Greco-Roman world into itself, has given us a culture in which the Faith properly grows; and since the conversion of Constantine that culture has become Christian. It is the seedbed of intelligence and will, the ground for all studies in the arts and sciences, including theology, without which they are inhumane and destructive. The brutal athlete and the aesthetic fop suffer vices opposed to the virtues of what Newman called the “gentleman.” Anyone working in any art or science, whether “pure” or “practical,” will discover he has made a quantum leap when he gets even a small amount of cultural ground under him; he will grow like an undernourished plant suddenly fertilized and watered.”

–Ryan Topping, Renewing the Mind

There has been a war against fantasy, a war against wonder. And yet, those who wonder and philosophize are superior to those who despair cluelessly. And only someone who does not know everything has the capability to wonder. Therefore, what better place is there to explore than fantasy? The realm of fantasy is a place accessible to all, and as it is ever changing, we can never hope to know everything about it. The Land of Faerie, as Tolkien called it, transports and uplifts us. It renews us. It waters the soil of our minds, and it serves as a much needed respite from the godless demands of the world.

Fantasy’s Ultimate Effect

John Adams ridiculed imagination. He joked that Shakespeare could have been an electioneering agent. In his view, “superstition, prejudices, passions, fancies, and senses” were weaknesses to be manipulated, preventing you from ever having what he considered liberty. Adams believed that fantastical thinking was forced upon the West in order to control the people. This is all a grievous error. “For God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty” (1 Corinthians 1:27).

It is the imagination that enables us to survive in today’s wicked world. We have a sense of wonder that rationalists like Adams cannot understand. This sense of wonder is what prepares us for understanding the wider world and what it means. The vast majority of people who fall away from the Faith or refuse to consider it lack wonder. As a result, you have a large portion of people in the West who fall into hedonism. They try to numb their own senses as they struggle to follow the crowd – as though they were swimming among a school of fish.

“Fantasy, horror, and science fiction, apart from allowing an author to comment on things in a way he normally could not in mainstream writing (so much of which is garbage anyway) – it breeds a sense of wonder. And ladies and gentlemen, if you do not have a sense of wonder, you cannot really understand the Catholic faith. You’ll just be ‘Oh well, the bread and wine turn into the body and blood of Christ.’ You may actually believe that, but if you don’t have a sense of wonder?

“Listen, ladies and gentlemen, what is more amazing? The idea that with a wand I could wave, everything would start dancing around the room? Or that Christ Himself comes down onto the altar and becomes bread and wine that we are able to receive into ourselves? Which is more wondrous?

“If I already have a sense of wonder, then I can look at this incredible gift that God has given us. And the fact [is] that every single Mass that has ever been, or ever will be, or is being said at this moment across the globe is one with every other – and with the Crucifixion, and with the Last Supper. That’s astonishing. That’s absolutely amazing. And I have a sense of wonder that prepared me for that – to make it go from a mere set of things I learned in school and home to being a living reality that dominates my life. …

“[U]nless we approach our faith with that wondrous quality, it will grow old and tired. That is not a fault of the Faith. That’s our fault.”

–Charles Coulombe, “Off the Menu,” July 16, 2018

Being good “to be good” is not enough. John Adams thought so, but his Puritanical sensibility was mistaken. Man lives his life on a quest. He is not meant to run from his imagination and all that is mystical. He is meant to explore with awe and curiosity. His heart is meant to be lifted, not shackled.

A strange and exciting land lies before man when it comes to fantasy. We go to that place because it presages the Land Beyond we all hope to emigrate to, Heaven itself. “And Jesus calling unto him a little child, set him in the midst of them, and said: Amen I say to you, unless you be converted, and become as little children, you shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 18:2-3).

[mbti-notes]

Hi mbti-notes. Thank you for all that you do. I am an 18 year old INFP who is having issues with her parents. Both my parents are ISFJs and both of them have experienced a lot of trauma in their lives as they are both survivors of a genocide. We also come from different cultures as I grew up in the US but they came here as adults so they stuck to their culture. I know that my parents love me and I guess I can’t expect them to care about me the way that I want them to. Please let me know (cont.)

[con’t: if I’m just paying lip service to that idea based on the rest of my ask. There are a few examples I have for reasons why I am not so happy living with them and I don’t know if I should just learn to live with it before I move out or if I should communicate this to them. The first example is that I would like to have more freedom but two months ago I was at a friend’s house who lived two blocks away and both her parents were home but my parents called me at 9:30pm telling me to come home because the sun went down. The second example is that last year I ran away from home for four days (which I understand eroded what little trust they have in me) and when I came back, they never asked me why I left. They were obviously concerned about me but their answer was just for me to go on antidepressants. The third example is that a few years ago, I told my mom that I didn’t have any friends and she just laughed. The fourth example, is in the fourth grade my dad bought me a shirt once I got to school. I forgot to change back so when my mom saw, she told my dad. He was furious. He called everyone in the family downstairs so that he could yell at me and tell me that if I did something like that again, he would hit me with a cable wire and kick me out of the house. I never forgot that. He’s not like that anymore (he doesn’t threaten physical violence but he does yell a lot) but he can be very unpredictable in terms of what will make him angry. The fourth example is that my brother was working a minimum wage job to save up for a car and my dad stole the $900 that he had with no apology or explanation. I’m kind of afraid of him and feel most comfortable at home when he’s on business trips. I jokingly think to myself that combined my parents have the emotional intelligence of a grapefruit but I’m not really sure what to do or if anything can be done. I have about 2-3 years until I’ll have a job and be able to move out. Do I just hold out hope for that?]

The parent-child relationship is very complicated. First of all, a parent who threatens violence, steals from you, or ridicules your pain is a morally bankrupt parent. Setting aside the power differential of the parent-child dynamic, any healthy relationship should be one of mutual respect, trust, and encouragement. It sounds to me like your parents aren’t capable of a healthy relationship. Does that mean you ought to give up on them completely?

How you decide to treat people isn’t about calculating what they “deserve” or don’t deserve from you, rather, you should think about what kind of person you hope to be and what that means for how you treat people. If you hope to be the best you, a moral person, a person who is capable of healthy relationships, then your actions should always reflect that aspiration. If you hope to be a person who avoids hurting others, unethical behavior, and generating ill-will, then your decision making should reflect that aspiration. You can’t control how a relationship evolves because you can’t control the other person, but you can control how far you let someone into your life, you can control the emotional boundaries that you set, you can control how you respond to people when they don’t behave the way you hope.

I can’t tell you what to do. Part of developing a strong sense of self is learning how to gauge situations for yourself, in accordance with what you need to nurture your well-being. Having too much contact with your parents appears to be bad for your emotional well-being because they aren’t able to empathize with you and respect your needs. Having zero contact with them might also be bad for your well-being because what child doesn’t want to have a good relationship with their parents? One common INFP pitfall in relationships is that they often feel helpless, so they sit back and swallow ill-treatment until they can’t take it anymore and then do something extreme. Another pitfall is all-or-nothing thinking that makes INFPs believe they must reach a goal immediately or just give up, as though there are no steps in between. Keep in touch with yourself and avoid going to extremes, such as running away or lashing out angrily. Look for ways to get out of the house in order to lessen your contact with them, or keep yourself busy with work or hobbies in order to stay out of each others’ way. If you decide to tough it out for the next couple of years, then make good use of that time by developing yourself in any way you can. There’s always little things you can do to improve your situation and state of mind, be creative (Ne).

It’s a cliche but there’s truth in it: Parents are more likely to treat you like an adult when you show them that you can behave like an adult. An adult shouldn’t run away from problems, throw tantrums, or deflect responsibility for wrongdoing. An adult should approach situations patiently, with determination and resilience in the face of setbacks. With SJ parents, you have to build up a history of proof that you’re capable of adult behavior, if you hope to overwrite their memory of your childish behavior. Show them that you are level-headed, dependable, responsible, and they won’t have much cause to get in your face. Whatever they say to you, live your best life as proof rather than demonizing them or starting senseless arguments. Don’t be afraid of conflict because sometimes it’s necessary for making yourself heard, but learn to manage conflict properly so that you leverage situations in your favor. When they get mad, you stay calm, stand your ground until they calm down and have a reasonable discussion. If they restrict your freedom, negotiate with them and loosen the strings around you bit by bit. You’re already 18 years old, legally you are entitled to your own life and making your own decisions. Part of growing up is learning how to live your life peacefully regardless of what your parents want or expect from you. It doesn’t mean you have to violently excise them from your life, it only means that you have to take good advantage of opportunities to assert your independence. If you can do it small step by small step, chances are, they’ll adapt better and you won’t have to resort to extreme behavior.

[vapormaison]

2019 Best Japanese OST Press/Repress: Elfen Lied by Tiger Lab Records

Like many late millennials with artistic pretensions, I used to have an “Anituber” channel back in the wild west days of youtube. From 2010-2013 — roughly corresponding with my first three years in university — I reviewed DVD releases from ADV, Manga Entertainment, Central Park Media, and Geneon — all the big players in Western anime releases at the time, all dead and gone now with the rise of streaming. Everyone but Funimation — a sad irony and perhaps telling about the nature of the dubbing industry that the studio with a serial rape problem and established casting couch was the only one to survive.

In the interest of maintaining my personal ethics, posterity, and sanity I’ve long since deleted that channel. While there was definitely a “moment” on the platform for a nineteen year-old cokehead film student in front of a MacBook webcam doing his best Slavoj Zizek impression, that moment has long since passed. I’ve long since cooled on “substantive” media critique anyway. The world doesn’t need another Eisenstein-aligned Marxist analysis of Neon Genesis Evangelion — or, a 6-part series on using Lacanian techniques to develop a leftist praxis for Fate/Stay Night. Media exists in the present moment to be a salve for the postmodern hellscape we inhabit together.

As an interesting sidebar, the most popular video on that channel — raking in just north of 10k views over its lifetime from 2011-2015, was a twelve minute video essay on the 1995 anime Elfen Lied, where I asserted that it was the ultimate expression of contemporary Japanese anti-modern rage. While I don’t find myself particularly nostalgic for any of the content on that channel, I’m actually kind of proud of that one in particular.

While most of my analysis was fixated on the visuals, narrative, and recent oeuvre of its mangaka, Lynn Okamoto, and series director, Mamoru Kanbei, I did lay out a framework on why I consider it to be one of the most successful soundtracks ever produced for an anime. I did not heap this praise lightly, as that roughly fifteen year period of 1995-2010 was bookended by the OSTs of Evangelion and K-On! — and certainly proved to be one of the most sonically iconic periods that the medium has ever produced.

it was also one of the first soundtracks that spurred my own history of Japanese OST collection.

And, then, almost a decade later, I found out that Tiger Lab was releasing a vinyl of Elfen Lied.

In spite of this, when I originally the news, I felt a tinge of trepidation. This is not to throw shade at Tiger Lab, however — but at the reputation of previous releases of the Elfen Lied soundtrack in Japan. A quick adventure with google translate across the Japanese net for various Elfen Lied OST roleases — especially on CD — will reveal for you a lot of contempt from Otaku and anime-enthusiast audiophiles for any number of reasons. Most hinge on the quality of the physicals. This is often because Japanese physical media releases of anime soundtracks are often laden with fresh, exceptionally crisp and clean-sounding masters for CDs, and usually exclusive posters and other content geared toward the “collector” nature of many Otaku. This has usually not been the case with Elfen Lied.

A friend of mine in Kanagawa quipped “Sometimes it sounds better on the DVD” in regard to a number of OST releases of soundtracks from anime produced by Studio Arms with CD releases published by VAP. Admittedly, some of it must have been born in resentment, but I’ve always trusted the man’s opinion — as he’s invested a small family fortune into building a shrine of sorts to that studio’s output. He chalks up the poor release quality to the studio’s inability or lack of funds to master the content properly for a CD or HQ digital release, and VAP’s decline in release quality during the early 2000s roughly corresponding to a sale to another Zaibatsu. “Studio Arms made hentai for many years to stay solvent, maybe they could not send a good master to VAP [the publisher]” he told me. While I can’t know if it’s VAP, Arms or another studio handling the CD-master work, a cursory check of their oeuvre seems to confirm confirms that claim of his — but I acknowledge I’m wandering into uncharted waters here.

In spite of all that — I ordered the wax from Tiger Lab and was duly impressed. In lieu of reviewing each track as per my usual review format, in the following section I want to talk about my listening experience from the two formats I own the soundtrack in — the SA/VAP published CD from 2004 and Tiger Lab’s release. Once we finish going into the core differences — and why this vinyl is absolutely worth your purchase over competing physicals — I’ll go into the virtues of the listening experience on the whole.

Part 1: Comparisons of Select Tracks

I suppose the expectation is that I start off by taking about the most iconic recording from the series — the OP, Lilium. In the spirit of defying expectations, I’ll begin with what I consider a better litmus test.

My personal shit-test for a good master and press is how well it can handle a track that is sonically robust and diverse, crossing genre and form — requiring an intensive, sufficiently wide mix and refined master. You don’t get that on every OST album — but Elfen Lied offers one such potential track in particular, and that particular track happens to be my favorite composition on the entire album. Uso Sora, composed by Kayo Konishi and Yukio Kondo is a truly magnificent piece, and it’s used brilliantly in the series — for those familiar, I only need to quote one line: “M-m-mommy…?”.

It begins with lulling piano chords that gradually build in tempo and energy with the addition of percussion, and then it undergoes a full metamorphosis in its last minute or so to become an aggressive, frenetic techno piece with distorted lows and an angry drum kit. Mirroring the evolution of its subject in the show with understated aplomb, and functioning as a robust and enjoyable composition divorced from its source — it really deserve more recognition than it receives, but I do not doubt it will ever step forth from the massive shadow cast from the haunting chorals of Lilium, and the brilliantly directed visual intro that accompanied it.

Needless to say, Tiger Lab more than passed muster here, to the point where I’m almost blown away by just how good it sounds compared to the rest of my Elfen Lied related physicals. I experienced a definite brightness from the vinyl master over my stereo that I don't get from a lot of other Western label releases, like say Milano, which tends to cash in on a Westerner’s preference for warmth.  Tiger Lab deserves credit for this approach, because it genuinely feels like a more authentically “Japanese” sound. In my experience, the Western labels that care the most about the dedicated audiophile adhere to this sonic profile, and Tiger Lab deserves all due credit here.

Finally, I might as well include my thoughts on Lilium. In short, it sounds fantastic. The mix here really brings out the most of the chorals, and provides crisp and clean sounds where you want them most. It’s also one of those tracks where you can just feel the dynamic range before you even hear it. I ended up listening to these on my Cambridges, and I’ve got to say that’s there’s something in the way they treat this particular profile of song — strongly vocal dominated, extremely muted piano, and supporting string inhabiting the negative space — absolutely incredibly. It put the KEFs to shame. I’ve always asserted that you’ve got to pair certain songs with certain speaker pairs. I’ve never been a huge devotional music guy, and I’m not entirely sure that the Cambridge or KEFs provide ideal profiles for the track. That said, Lilium sounds great anyway.

But I can envision these on a pair of high end Yamahas, or a pair of vintage Blaupunkt bookshelves sounding as stone-cold killer as Lucy when Kouta’s threatened.

I sent a rip to my friend Hiroshi, the StudioArms Shrine man, who immediately snapped up a copy after listening. I also learned that it was actually the first vinyl purchase he’s ever made after two decades of serious collecting. So perhaps that is a testament in and of itself!

Part 2: Physicality

I rarely devote an entire section to talking about the vinyl/OBI itself, but then again, Tiger Lab has put out a release certainly worthy of this. First off, the cover, which pairs perfectly with the overall aesthetic of both the series and previous soundtrack releases. I can imagine this being a release that has already attracted some attention by Japanese collectors, as the cover seems to tap into a certain sense of continuity that I know are a huge hit with that community. It certainly pairs well with my two releases from VAP, and a laserdisc set that I have. They all opt for that very iconic Klimt Vienna Secession style with appropriate creative flourishes — but I like Tiger Lab’s take on it the most. The side characters populating the back in a choral array reminiscent of the Beethoven Frieze is also a really nice touch for any enthusiast of the fin-de-siècle style.

I picked up the pink vinyl on release, one of the few pink vinyls that I’ve bought that at least feels thematically consistent with the release and not just a default “vaporwave” or “city pop” or “future funk” styling. Diclonii rock the pink hair, after all. That all said, I’m wishing now that I got the “metallic gold” edition, as its another color that feels both apropos and stunningly beautiful. With all that in mind, this is also one of the better waxes that I’ve felt in-hand, and manages to feel robust. I’ve yet to find specific info, but it certainly feels like a 180g.

In conclusion, I’ve got to give immense credit to Tiger Lab for handling this release with a class and vigor that few Japanese publishers have given it. It certainly bodes well for the future of anime releases on vinyl, and makes me eager to fill out an emergent collection.

[featherquillpen]

Dæmonology: Quentin Coldwater

I figured if I’m going to go down the rabbit hole of writing a Magicians dæmon AU, I might as well liveblog the process of figuring out the characters’ dæmons, since lots of my followers are interested in how I do dæmonology. So here goes nothing: Quentin Coldwater’s dæmon!

(Be aware: this post is long as hell.)

Other Personality Types

So, first step that helps a lot to focus the mind: figure out the character in other, simpler personality typing systems.

Quentin is a double Hufflepuff by the Sorting Hat Chats system, no question. He is deeply oriented toward fairness and helping people, even when helping people could be viewed as an objective moral wrong (freeing niffin!Alice, helping the Monster.) And he gets things done by sheer dedication, rather than brilliance or improvisation or charging headfirst. 

In MBTI, I would expect Quentin to have Extroverted Feeling in his top two cognitive functions – he cares a lot about the emotions and values of his group.  I’m inclined to say ESFJ, as Quentin thinks in a concrete, detail-oriented way, relying on his established patterns and what has accumulated personal meaning for him, so Introverted Sensing should be a strong function for him. But ISFJ is also very possible.

In the enneagram, Quentin reads to me as a type Six, constantly doubting himself and the world, looking for support and guidance in his friends and in magic itself.

Core Traits

Okay, so what are the central, most defining traits of Quentin Coldwater?

Loyalty. More than any of the other questers in Season 3, Quentin believed in the fellowship of the questers: he figured out the unity key because that concept resonates with him so deeply. He doesn’t make friends easily, but once he does, he’s absolutely ride-or-die for them. Who can forget memory!Quentin’s line “You sacrifice for the people you love; that’s what you do” in 4.05 Escape from the Happy Place? And his loyalty is on a level of the community rather than the individual; unlike someone like Penny or Eliot, Quentin is deeply connected and committed to everyone in the fellowship.

Self-doubt. In his own words, Quentin is constantly finding doors so he can run from himself. He never seems to fully trust his own mind. Sometimes in his insecurity he lashes out (see his behavior to Julia in S1) or tries to take up the mantle of a hero, a king or a quester to feel noble and brave. He values people and situations that make him feel safe and secure. He strongly prefers to work with other people than alone, because it makes him feel more supported and breaks him out of his loop of painful self-doubt.

Detail-oriented. I’m a little dissatisfied with this word, because it implies fussiness and anal-retentiveness, which is not Quentin. What I mean here is that Quentin is oriented toward small things: the present moment, the next step, this detail of the Fillory books, that childhood dance or plate of bacon that will cheer someone up. For goodness sake, his discipline is repair of small objects. Quentin is focused on what is here, now, in his hands – for all that he is a king of Fillory, I think he would flounder if faced with the big picture of running a kingdom.

Heart on his sleeve. Quentin can’t help but be emotionally open; even when he tries to hold back (as he has been doing in S4) it’s obvious how he feels. He’s a bad liar, a worse actor, and while he’s very attuned to the feelings of people around him, he doesn’t manipulate them or influence them in anything but the most earnest way.

I would add that Quentin is compliant (has a hard time setting boundaries or saying no to people), dedicated (does not give up once he’s set his heart on something), dependent (he does not like being alone; he studies in the common room of the cottage, instead of withdrawing like Alice) and shy (wary and awkward around people he doesn’t know.)

Translating to Animal Behaviors

Here’s the step where I translate these traits to animal behaviors as best I can.

Socially speaking, I’m looking for a social, group-living animal, almost certainly one with a consistent, life-long family group that does not easily admit outsiders. This social group should have social hierarchy that is not upset or overturned by dominance battles and the like – an established order like the matriarchy by seniority in an elephant herd.

Given Quentin’s patience and dedication, I’m looking for an animal with high reproductive investment – something that leaves lots of food with its eggs, so they have something to feed on when they hatch (like solitary bees) or lays really big eggs (like kiwis) or does a lot of parental care.

I want an animal that has a lot of safety and vigilance behaviors, especially social safety behaviors, like meerkats who have rotating guard duty, or antelope who rely on safety in numbers. 

I’m looking for animals with low-risk, high-consistency, detail-oriented foraging behaviors. That is, I want animals that use fairly steady food supplies rather than windfall unpredictable ones, and that involve a long steady stream of focused effort rather than varied approaches and risks. Probably animals that forage in groups rather than alone.

I’m looking for animals that show open communication and displays with each other, and that don’t employ secrecy and evasiveness (like crows with a private hoard of food.) 

I specifically do not want animals that have individual territories of any sort; Quentin is far too compliant for that. Group territory defense could make  sense, though. I also want to avoid competitive animals that are always jostling for bigger territories or higher status.

Playing the Field

Next I gather lots of different animal possibilities that fit my behavioral criteria above. So here’s a list of a bunch of animals I think might work, without spending too much time on each one trying to confirm or rule it out. This part is very time-consuming, and relies a lot on my encyclopedic knowledge of animal behavior, though I do refer to various websites to supplement it.

Pigeons

Quails

Small-colony bees (carpenter bee, orchid bee)

Wild dogs and foxes (yes, I know, I can feel Mayakovsky watching me)

Small-group-living lemurs

Domestic dogs (especially sporting breeds)

Zebra finch

Scrub jays

Kinkajou

Yellow-winged bat

Ringtail possums

Note that up to this point, I have spent five hours working on this. For one character. And I’m not done yet. This is why I don’t often write dæmon AUs even though I love them very much.

Narrowing the Field

Now I go through my list, animal by animal, and take notes on what works and what doesn’t. Along the way, I think more deeply about the character and discover the more subtle characteristics that help me distinguish between similar animals.

❌Pigeons

So what I really like about pigeons for Quentin is that they have very high reproductive investment – they produce milk inside their crops that they feed to their young. They’re also nervy little prey animals with a lot of vigilance behavior, while still having that streak of pigeon boldness.

What I don’t like about pigeons is that they have too many competitive/dominance behaviors, and they often socialize outside of established family groups. So I don’t think it’s going to work out.

❌Quails

Quails are almost never spotted alone, they’re nervy vigilant pudgy birds, they look out for each other and warn each other with alarm calls, they invest a lot in reproduction – they lay so many eggs that sometimes they can’t even properly sit on them all, which is so cute. 

I really like these, I think the one problem is that again their social groups are not very consistent, they seem to allow quite a bit of flow in and out of their flocks. I looked into as many species as I could find information on, and they seem to have really fluid social structures allowing members in and out as they please. 

❌Small-colony bees

Now that I do more research into them, I can see that orchid bees and carpenter bees aren’t going to work, because while they usually nest communally, they can nest solitarily, which is too socially flexible. Sweat bees are much too aggressive and competitive. Ruled out.

✔️Wild canines

Wild canines have a lot of desirable characteristics: lots of parental care, group loyalty, close-knit family groups. There are also some canines, especially the smaller ones, that are quite wary and nervy. It’s a matter of narrowing down to the right ones within the group.

Jackals and coyotes are too competitive and socially flexible, so they’re out. Gray foxes and maned wolves are nearly entirely solitary, so they’re out. Dholes, wolves, fennec foxes, and dingos are too assertive and confident. The rest of the foxes are too independent and socially flexible.

However, I really like the look of raccoon dogs and bush dogs. They’re almost never seen alone, but in pairs or small packs which stick together for a long time. They cooperate extensively, and while they are predators, they are also prey, and are reclusive and vigilant by habit. They have overlapping territories without strong borders. The only thing that’s really missing for me are flags for Quentin’s orientation toward detail and the next moment, but I can look into these species further in the next step.

✔️Small-group-living lemurs

I’ve gone through the lemur species, and I like the look of mongoose lemurs. They have small, close-knit, stable family groups with group territory defense. I will look into them more deeply in the next step.

✔️Domestic dogs (especially sporting breeds)

I think of Quentin’s defining trait as loyalty, which is also the defining trait of dogs. Most breeds also fit with Quentin’s Hufflepuff determination and hard work, and his way of being a supportive sidekick to his badass friends. Dogs are also open and communicative and “heart on their sleeve.” I just have to find more nervous, vigilant breeds that are highly detail-oriented.

Carolina dogs are somewhere in between feral and domesticated, and as such are more nervy and vigilant of strangers than most dogs, which seems right.

Kooikerhondjes are very focused, dedicated sporting dogs that look like they fit super well. Other spaniels are also good candidates. 

Phew, there’s a lot of dog breeds out there. Definitely need to delve into this more deeply.

❌Zebra finch

I love the super intense pair bonding in zebra finches, and the nervy prey vigilance, and of course the expressive songs, but they seem very socially flexible and tolerant of strangers in their flocks.

❌Scrub jays

Upon closer inspection, the scrub jay species are super, super specialized to one habitat/food, and I think Quentin has some more breadth and adaptability in him than that.

❌Kinkajou

Kinkajous mostly look good, since they’ve got very affectionate close-knit social groups, they’re reclusive in the forest and avoid aggression, but they tend to forage alone, which is not so great. 

✔️Yellow-winged bat

This one fits extremely, extremely well. They’re pair-bonding bats that are rarely more than a few meters from each other, they cooperate to raise young, they groom together, they talk together, they defend the territory together – and my favorite bit is that here there is a strong analogy to Quentin’s detail orientation. Bats have a trade-off in their echolocation between long-distance and low-detail, or short-distance and high-detail, and yellow-winged bats are strongly toward the short-distance, high-detail end. They focus on prey that are close by.

✔️Ringtail possums

Common ringtail possums are way too chill and low-strung, but the rock ringtail possum is big on sentinel behavior, guard duty, and keeping an eye out for each other. My only major issue with this one is no flag for detail orientation.

The Final Candidates

At this point, I have spent nine hours on this project, and I have a final list of candidates. Now I have to compare and contrast at a very detailed level, and find which one works the best. I will do extensive research on each animal so I can really flesh out my thoughts.

Raccoon dog

Bush dog

Mongoose lemur

Carolina dog

Kooikerhondje

Yellow-winged bat

Rock ringtail possum

What I really like with raccoon dogs is how intensely cooperative they are – they have large litters for dogs their size, they have lots of predators, and so both parents are super involved with the young and in experimental conditions where there are no males all pups die. They groom each other and have lots of touch and sound gestures, they’re very wary of predators on their young, always keeping an eye on them. They’re non-aggressive and don’t fight over territory, they only ever start something if the young are in danger. All of this is great, it’s only that I don’t see any flags for the detail-oriented, “repair of small objects” side of Q.

Bush dogs live in close family groups like wolf packs, and they even hunt cooperatively, which I love. They constantly make little noises so they can hear each other as they move through the forest – cute! Their main predator defense is being inconspicuous and hiding in their burrows from any threat, but they’re not afraid to throw down if the pack is in real danger, as long as they’re facing it together. The biggest problem is that while raccoon dogs are omnivores, bush dogs are hunters, and hunting is not a great analogy for Q’s mode of putting together bits of books, grinding away persistently, and repairing small objects.

Mongoose lemurs live in those small, wolf pack like groups, and they groom and play with each other. They defend territory as a group, backing each other up. I can’t find evidence for strong vigilance/sentinel behaviors, which puts me off.

Domestic dogs in general are loyal, altruistic, open-hearted, empathetic, and dependent on close bonds with others to feel safe and secure. Carolina dogs are sometimes called American dingos because they were not artificially selected; accordingly, they’re a bit feral and quite wary of strangers outside the family they’ve bonded to. They also have a strong prey drive, and I like that drivenness. But again, I don’t see any flags for Q’s Hufflepuff hard work, dedication, and detail focus. With the Kooikerhondje I do see the hard work, as they’re very much working dogs that are rather difficult to keep as mere lapdogs without giving them an outlet, but again none of the detail orientation is in evidence.

I really think the Yellow-winged bat has it. They have the super close bonding family groups, they’re always looking out for each other and helping each other find food and raising the young together. They’re wary of strangers and defend the territory together. They tend to have established roosts that they always revisit – they stick to the familiar when possible. They have social calls, fly in patterns together, and groom each other affectionately. Both parents are very involved in parental care, and the mothers carry the baby around their backs until they can fly. And best of all, they have specific flags for Q’s way of doing things. While most bats fly around blasting echolocation everywhere and catching insects mid-flight, yellow-winged bats are sit-and-wait predators. They have particular roosts they use in different seasons, and they have close-range, very high-resolution echolocation (using FM-type calls.) They sit on the right roost for the time of year, they wait, and when the insects eventually come within echolocation range, they can pinpoint exactly where they are and grab them. I feel like this fits with Q’s areas of comfort and familiarity very well, the way he prefers having something concrete to work on (like a quest) over having to make things up as he goes along, the way he has these zones of expertise where he knows absolutely everything.

Look how cute!

(photo credit Sandra Lee at the Bat Detective blog)

[poisparrots]

Parrots, hormones, enrichment, behavior - and how it all ties together

I’ve gotten a couple of messages prompting me to do that “behavior and enrichment” post I suggested I might make a while back, so I thought I’d finally get around to it - while also touching on the subject of hormones as well, since hormones and behavior are two subject often related to eachother.  Let’s get into it! It’s gonna be a long one...  Hormones So, your parrot is acting out because he’s hormonal. She’s being vicious because she’s going through puberty. He’s mad because it’s mating season. She’s going through her bluffing stage. They’re just at that age. It’s just that time of the year. ….But what does that mean? And is that really all there is to it? What specific behaviors are at play here? Are all problem behaviors hormonal issues, and, can hormone-related behavioral issues not be solved until it goes away by itself (when mating season is over, or the bird has finished going through puberty)? Yeah, it’s true that hormones do have the ability to stir up a mess in a parrot’s life. They’re not designed to live like this - they weren’t designed to be indoors with constant temperatures and artificial lights, they weren’t designed to have a (human) partner who’s always touching them. It’s absolutely not unexpected or unusual for these hormones to do act up sometimes, and that’s sure to be stressful for parrot and human both! There have been records of parrots getting hormone implants, resulting in a reduction of problem behaviors such as screaming, biting and plucking, and that’s great! But is that always the case when a parrot is exhibiting problem behaviors? And if it IS hormones, is a hormone implant or “waiting it out” the only solution available? The thing is - whatever underlying circumstance or label may affect a behavior (unless it’s physical health issues or sickness), there’s always a way to change the behavior.

Behavior is rational. Every behavior has a purpose; in any given situation we behave in order to get what we want (even if it’s as simple as scratching an itch). It doesn’t make sense that because it’s a certain time of the year or the bird is of a certain age, they stop behaving rationally. Yes, certain behaviors may be amplified, but they still come from the same place, they’re rational, they fill the same purpose, and you can work with them, just like every other, non-hormonal behavior. So, what ARE the signs of a “hormonal” parrot? That seems to differ depending on who you ask, but the general consensus seems to be aggression, territoriality, biting, screaming, “dominance”, and nesting/mating/regurgitating (though these last three I won’t go into in this post - they’re an entire subject of their own and usually needs a different approach). Now, biting and screaming are things we can work with - observable behaviors. With aggression and territoriality we’re getting back at the abstract labels again - allow yourself to look past those labels and assess what observable behaviors it is that you are interpreting as those things. Does aggressive mean biting, lunging, attacking, or just eye pinning, tail flaring, pacing? Does territorial mean any of those things or something else - are the two concepts the same or do the behaviors look any different? Is the setting the only difference? As far as dominance goes, that’s… Not even worth getting into. Dominance in parrots isn’t a thing! Thanks. For further reading, there’s a great post by @flock-talk on the subject here: (x)

Hormonal? Dominant? Aggressive? ...Or just an appropriate response to something I could have done differently?  When you’ve boiled it down to behaviors, not labels, you can start working on correcting them! “Lunging when I put my hand in the cage” is an observable behavior that you can work with, you can assess the antecedent to the behavior and you can look at the consequence, and from there you can work on changing one of those in order to change the behavior. I was going to include how to do that in this post as well, but that would have been a very long post, so for now I’ll refer to this very good article: (x)  (I might do a post on changing or correcting problem behavior as well sometime, I do have a couple of experiences to share on the subject that might help shed some light on the concept, maybe?) A parrot who bites, screams, attacks, etc is most likely a stressed parrot. Hormones or no, there’s no reason to just sit and wait for it to solve itself, because chances are you might unknowingly be doing something to contribute to that stress and to trigger that behavior. “There’s nothing I can do about this issue” is a bad mindset and contributes to poor handling and continued behavioral problems, especially when applied to “bird puberty” - which is usually what we assume is happening when a baby bird starts communicating that they’re uncomfortable with situations they allowed when they were babies who didn’t know better. Our response is too often to keep doing the things that make them uncomfortable just because “well, she let me do it last month”, “she’s just acting out”, and “I need to show her that she’s not the one in charge here”. All potentially harmful approaches, not least to your relationship and trust-bond. You shouldn’t wait it out, and you definitely shouldn’t try to assert any sort of dominance to the situation. Instead, empower the bird with the ability to control their environment - because that’s what those behaviors are trying to do. You have to work out how you can help them control their environment in a less stressful, more positive way. Don’t make them do anything they don’t want to do - instead make that thing more desirable so that they DO want to do it! Figure out what’s causing the “bad” behavior. Analyze the specific behavior. Assess what antecedents and consequences the behavior has. Then change it. Change what’s happening before, or what’s happening after, and when done right, the behavior should have no reason not to change with it. (Do absolutely read the article I linked above, it really is great and does a whole lot of a better job explaining things than this!) And…. Make sure you’re providing a good, enriched environment. Enrichment As most of us who share our lives with parrots will agree, they’re quite complex creatures. They can be hard to understand, hard to handle, and hard to keep happy and healthy in our homes. One major key to their health and happiness lies in their enrichment; the objects and activities we provide for them to be able to perform natural behaviors, such as chewing (wooden toys), keeping clean (bath dish/spray bottle/shower - access to regular baths), social interaction (spending time, actively, with your bird, or if possible, allowing your bird to meet other birds for positive interactions), foraging (different kinds of foraging toys, including puzzles and shredding toys, where they’re encouraged to work for food), flight (birds don’t just fly out of necessity, they also fly because it’s fun - especially in captivity where they can’t fly nearly as much but still have all the innate energy to do so), problem solving (training, foraging), etc. But, what effect could the spaces, toys and environments you provide for your bird have on your relationship with them? How does enrichment affect their behavior towards you?

If you know me or have followed my blog for a while, you know that I sure do love “a shrubful of berries” as a form of foraging enrichment.  Well, one answer can be found in understimulation. A parrot who isn’t properly enriched, who doesn’t have a large cage or enough toys, and who isn’t provided with a healthy way to release energy and perform natural behaviors, is naturally more likely to be frustrated, and, to focus all of that built up energy on the one form of active enrichment they do have access to: you. If they have no toys to chew, they’re more likely to chew on your clothes, your furniture and your skin. If they have no space to fly and be active in their cage when you aren’t around, they’re more likely to “attack” you out of overstimulation when you are around. If they’ve got plenty of space, toys, foraging opportunities and other forms of enrichment to indulge in when you’re away, they don’t have that same built up energy to release on you. Understimulation when you’re gone leads to overstimulation when you’re there. There’s no balance, and that usually results in a bird who doesn’t know WHAT to do with all that energy and stimuli that’s concentrated on one specific situation. Another point I’d like to bring up is their ability to choose their form of enrichment, and that includes choosing to hang out with you as well! See, if they only have a few different toys to choose from, or just toys of the same kind, they’re more likely to get tired and not interact with those enrichment objects, thus staying passive and unenriched for most of the day, even if those are usually their favorite toys. If they get to choose from different textures, different mechanisms, different tastes, different colors, different senses to stimulate, etc - they are more likely to explore and keep active. Parrots (and all animals) are most comfortable, and confident, when their actions have consequences, when they’re empowered and able to help control their own environment. This includes training, foraging, interactions with us and/or other birds, playing, and of course also choosing WHEN to fly, play and be active or sociable, and WHEN to step back, rest and just take it chill. One way to allow them to achieve this ability to choose, is to allow them to come out of their cage on their own - keep the cage doors open when you’re in the room, and wait for them to come out to hang out with you. Spend time with them (training is a REALLY good form of enrichment as well - and if you’re training useful behaviors like recall, target, voluntary nail trims, etc - that’s just a lovely bonus), pay attention to them, talk to them etc, when they choose to hang out with you. If they want to be somewhere else, allow them to. I absolutely suggest setting up several play areas outside of the cage for them to spend time on when they feel like doing so! Most parrots ARE usually going to have some extra energy when you’re around, because parrots are innately extroverted and get excited about spending time with their people - so having multiple spots for them to play, climb, fly back and forth from, chew toys, etc, even outside of the cage where they’ll spend time with you, is going to be very helpful in allowing them to use that energy in a positive way! You can of course initiate interactions and pick them up as well, but you should pay attention to their body language and if they don’t seem to want to be picked up, either leave them to their thing or make yourself a preferable place to be (suggestion: treats)!

A good play area for your bird might even prevent them from ruining your entire wallpaper... If you’re lucky. A properly enriched parrot is going to be a lot easier to work with in regards of training as well - I know I struggled with Rowdy Amazon Boy Drogon and his excess energy a lot more a couple of months ago, when the bird room was the no-cage living space for the smaller birds so he couldn’t spend too much time there, I had no outdoor aviary yet, and he didn’t have an Amazon friend to talk to and interact with. Now he’s got a much larger cage, in the bird room, so he’s always surrounded by the other birds and has someone to talk to and something to watch even when I’m not around, and he gets to spend at least a couple of hours each day in the bird room (with lots of enrichment and play areas and climbing things and trees and stuff) or the outdoor aviary (also lots of enrichment - including the sounds and sights of the outdoors, which has proven VERY enriching for all of them beebs!) - and he’s a lot calmer, and a LOT easier to work with and train now that he isn’t always over-excitedly using a full day’s worth of energy concentrated on this one training session. I know he was just being a rowdy youngster with lots of energy and not enough of an outlet for it, but his behavior (biting, “attacking” hands, over-excited body language when approached, often too wound up to properly work with) could have VERY easily been interpreted as “aggressive” and even “hormonal”. But thinking of it like that would have given me nothing to work with, because again, those are pretty undescriptive labels. So, in conclusion, while hormones may or may not be the cause of a problem behavior in a parrot - those behaviors can most often be both worked on, and prevented beforehand! And I really do believe that the very common “oh, it’s just hormones” attitude is.. Kinda counterproductive. It creates a mindset of “there’s nothing I can do about this”, which is wrong, and also inherently includes “this isn’t caused by anything I’m doing or that I have control over”, which is usually also wrong. Providing nice big spaces, enrichment of all kinds, plenty of activities and positive interactions, training, and allowing your bird to help control their own environment and the outcome of their actions in a positive way, is setting up your bird for behavioral success - no matter age, season, or amount of hormones! I absolutely do advocate being aware of hormonal triggers and trying to limit those as much as possible, because they do help cause and amplify problems. But this should be done as a preventative measure, in addition to enrichment, training and understanding your bird and their behaviors - not treated as a solution to the behaviors themselves.

[maracadinghy91-blog]

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‘Nanette’: Hannah Gadsby on Her Game-changing Stand-Up Special | Rolling Stone

Hannah Gadsby knows how to put an audience at ease. The Australian comedian delivers her jokes mildly, dryly, with a gentle lilt and a reassuring smile that can crack the ice in the toughest of rooms. And it’s this gift that has uniquely positioned her to upend stand-up as a source of comfort or a salve for wounds – perhaps even the very notion of the medium altogether. In her Netflix special Nanette, Gadsby toggles between amiable observational anecdotes and blistering honesty, between belly laughs and righteous anger, to illustrate the ways in which comedy fails to grapple with the trauma of reality. It will likely go down as one of the greatest stand-up sets of our time –  while also asking who, exactly, all these jokes and funny stories are serving.

Certainly not Gadsby herself. A lesbian who describes her gender presentation as “gender-not-normal,” she grew up in rural Tasmania, where homosexuality was a crime until the late Nineties. As a comedian, she taught herself to couch the very real traumas in her life, from homophobia to violent assault, in the soft cotton batting of humor. “You learn from the part of the story you focus on,” Gadsby says in her special. “I need to tell my story properly.” Partway through the special, she shifts from the comfort of humor to the brittleness of truth-telling, and the result is the kind of hard catharsis that leaves you physically shaken. (Which isn’t to say that Nanette isn’t also seriously funny, when it’s not seriously serious.)

And at the crest of the #MeToo wave, when more and more women are telling their stories and refusing to be silenced or disavowed, Gadsby’s frank admissions and admonitions feel more vital than ever. It seems less like coincidence than conversation that fellow lesbian comedian Cameron Esposito released her special Rape Jokes,which centers on her own experience with sexual assault, around the exact same moment – the time has never been more ripe for women and queer people to reclaim and reframe their own stories.

Having just finished an extended stage run of Nanette in New York City (her final in an 18-month global run that saw her win Best Comedy Show at the 2017 Edinburgh Fringe), Gadsby is back home in Melbourne and ready to take a well-deserved break. But first, she hopped on the phone to discuss the overwhelming reaction to this groundbreaking set and to explain why, even after everything, she still loves stand-up. (This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.)

What were the origins of Nanette? She started out as being a really, really angry little blast. For the past 10 years, I’ve been writing one-hour shows. So it started [out] the same: Time to write another hour … what the hell am I going to talk about? Who’s my audience? That was one of the main questions I was asking: Who am I speaking to? And that was starting to get really kind of a difficult question for me to answer. As a human being, I don’t know how to connect to any sort of broad audience, you know? I don’t have a family or a past that looks like what most people have. So the connection between the personal and the political really informed what Nanette was. Donald Trump got elected and my grandmother died – those two things provided an emotional flashpoint for me.

So what audience did you ultimately have in mind when you were writing the show? Me … and me only. I really was writing as though I was throwing a grenade and I fully expected for the show to seal me off in the margins. I am so shocked and overwhelmingly stunned. It’s become bigger than me. And I’m happy for that.

Did you initially conceive Nanette as a more traditional comedy special, or was that turn in the middle part of the plan from the beginning? From the beginning. I was quite exhausted of this generating new material year after year after year. But I knew that the show that I was looking to write would be dismissed critically as being just a one-woman show – because I’ve seen it happen before. And then I thought, well, that’s a bad idea, to just jump down on it like that. I mean, nobody ever accuses men of doing one-man shows. They just do them. So I just thought, “Oh, fuck it. I’ll do it.” [Laughs]

Even though the show interrogates and criticizes the form, it’s also itself an incredible piece of stand-up. How did you go about building the structure of the show? One of the first building blocks was the story at the bus stop [about a time she was assaulted]. My comedy has always been built around storytelling, and one of my favorite tricks is the callback –  where you layer in a joke or a story, then you keep referring back to it. And the audience is going, “Oh, we’re all becoming part of the in-crowd!” It’s a really great tool to create a communal atmosphere amongst strangers. So that’s really the fundamental block that I began with: I want to show people what I’ve had to do in order to make my story funny by using this tried-and-true method – not to elevate the laugh, but to really pull the rug.

You also talk a lot about the power that storytelling has, and what’s it been like to reexamine your own stories. Comedy has given me quite a privilege, because in order to define my personal life for comedy, I’ve been given the opportunity to interrogate my story. There’s a lot of stories we tell ourselves that we’ve set in stone when we’re quite young, and they remain with us all our lives. But I wouldn’t listen to me when I was 20. What the hell did I know when I was 20? A lot of the stories that we tell ourselves are really immature versions of events, but we build so much of our understanding of the world out of it. And I think it’s worth rewiring your stories that you set when you were immature.

You’ve performed Nanette all over the world, from Australia to the U.K. to America. Do audiences respond to it differently depending on where you are? You know what’s extraordinary? No. The response has been the same, in a very positive and connective way. It put people in shock. I’ve only just emerged from an extended run in New York, and I’ve been touring nonstop for 18 months … I’ve done maybe over 250 shows. And I think it’s going to take me a long time to really understand what I’ve done, both for myself and artistically.

What have reactions to the special been like from the comedy community? One of the things that I’m most happy is that comedians – particularly my peers who I know to be comedy nerds – have just taken my deconstruction of the art form and thanked me, engaged with me. I was a bit concerned I might have upset people, you know? Because I really do tear comedy a new asshole. And comedy is a lot of people’s lives. It’s certainly my life. I did it for personal reasons, not to destabilize other people’s faith and belief and love of the art form. And ultimately, I think stand-up comedy has developed such an amazing platform for people to tell their story from their perspective.

What is it about stand-up that makes it such a useful platform? There are no gatekeepers to comedy. You can be from a low socioeconomic background like myself. There’s no way I could get into theater; there’s no way I could have busted through to such a large audience in any other art form. Absolutely not. I’m not cut from the right cloth. So I think that’s what’s magnificent about stand-up.

In Nanette, you talk about how self-deprecating humor stopped serving you after a while, particularly as a performer from a marginalized background. Do you think there’s an alternative to that style? I can’t imagine that I’ll ever completely step away from self-deprecating humor. I actually think it’s a great way to communicate, particularly if you are onstage with a microphone – you are in a position of power. But I personally felt like I needed to assert my power first. Because I am a really good performer; I do know my way around a joke, I do understand how the world works. [But] I thought, well, why am I undermining myself before I let people know that I’ve got this all up my sleeve? I think there’s a place for it, but it should part of a voice, and there should be more flexibility in approach.

You just finished a pretty grueling tour – do you have any idea what project is next for you? A lot of sleep. [Laughs] I’m finishing a book, but then I’m going to take my time before I decide what I’m going to do next. Whatever it is, it will involve humor and it will involve telling a story. But I think … a good nap before I decide.

[chamomilehoneytea]

Thank you for your translation! While some fans are bothered, I have to say this: Sawako and Kazehaya have been dating for a long, long time (I haven’t checked the timeline in a while but I think around 2 years? I’m not sure, I have been reading this since forever) and it’s completely, I repeat COMPLETELY normal for them to have sex. They’re 18, they have been together for a long time, overcame a lot together, regardless of how innocent they are, it’s normal. [Cont.]

[Cont. Did it feel a bit rushed? Yeah, sure. But I think Shiina did this to show how much Sawako has grown. This is the girl that couldn’t talk to people, everybody. The girl that didn’t know how to approach anyone, make friends, or express her feelings properly. And we’re seeing her doing something as huge as fully trusting the person she loves by having their first time. Even if imo it wasn’t handled in the best way it could’ve been, we should be proud of Sawako. Let’s hope the best for the last ch!]

Hi @ourvelvetpetals! Thank you so much for sharing your insights!

First of all, I agree with you 1000000% that we should be so proud of Sawako. In this chapter we see her behave more assertively, and she shares her honest feelings and desires with Kazehaya. She even tells her mother that she’s spending the night at his apartment not because she missed her train, but because she chose not to board it. That’s huge! She’s been incredibly selfless for the majority of the series, so it’s great to see her actively saying and doing what she wants (and seeing the other characters support her wishes).

I understand that, for some fans, Sawako and Kazehaya having sex deviates sharply from the way they’ve been portrayed up until this point; despite the glaring sexual tension present in their every interaction (even holding hands was too hot at one point), I think it was easy to dismiss the possibility that Shiina would actually have them go that far while maintaining the “pure” tone of her storytelling. From what I’ve seen, some Japanese readers were disappointed by the scene because the “innocence” (maybe that’s better than saying “pure”) that defined Sawako and Kazehaya’s relationship was what, to them, set “Kimi ni Todoke” apart from other shoujo manga. I personally don’t think the “purity” or “innocence” of Sawako and Kazehaya’s relationship is what makes this series so special; the carefully developed friendships / relationships and the emphasis on community are far more extraordinary and worthy of praise, to me, than Sawako and Kazehaya staying virgins. But everyone is entitled to their feelings, and Shiina left pretty much everything to the imagination (lol), so if it really bothers some people, they’re free to ignore it. 

My own feelings are close to yours. As you’ve said, they’ve been dating for almost two years at this point (and have liked each other for longer than that), and the desire to have sex is totally normal and healthy. They’re about to be separated for a prolonged period of time, they’ve been more physically intimate in recent chapters (kissing in Ferris wheels, Kazehaya’s room, empty classrooms…), they’ve spent the whole day playing newlyweds, and for the first time, they are in a private place with no adult supervision and a bed. Something’s gotta give. They’ve spent three years treating each other with such great care and respect, and I think this is the most natural progression in their relationship. And you’re right, seeing Sawako and Kazehaya give everything to each other without reservations is incredible, especially considering where they were at the beginning of the series. They’re still shy and easily embarrassed, but they’re ultimately able to take that step together.

Honestly, depicting their first time is an effective way to show how far they’ve come, and how much they’ve grown. I think it’s reassuring to see them share everything with each other before separating for university; it seems to suggest that they’ve strengthened their connection, and that no matter what challenges come their way, they’ll be able to face them together. There is no longer any distance between them.

Hopefully my earlier posts didn’t give the impression that I was unhappy with this development - I do wish we’d seen a bit more of a build-up to this point, but that probably would have dragged on or slowed the momentum of the story. In the last year the pacing has sort of shot forward in general, so I don’t consider this problem to be unique to Sawako and Kazehaya’s relationship. I’m really glad Shiina chose to include this scene, and I think it’s pretty poignant; she used the moment to reflect on how Sawako and Kazehaya have changed each other’s lives for the better, which is all the more touching as we stand at the end of the story.

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts - I loved reading them!! :) And like you, I’m also hoping for the best in the last chapter (especially for the couple of my heart, Ayane and Pin!). I can’t wait to see how Shiina ends the series; I’m stocking up on tissues already haha! :’)

[bradshawsophia]

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Marriage will then provide your hope, newfound courage and power.Whatever your situation, asking you to neither ignore your instinct to save a marriage that's on the joyous old days together.If you truly still love your partner for the first sign of weakness especially for couples these days because both of you feel that you are ignoring your spouse's viewpoint can go long way in helping to save a marriage counselor thus effectively avoiding all the trouble in their life, that frustration wears on both sides are on the market, but if you are ignoring your spouse's demands but Waterman emphasises assertion as opposed to aggression in resolving issues.Also remember that the marriage working again.What is your best friend, not your enemy.

The key to resolving conflict peacefully.After a tragedy the stress is almost certain to come up with solutions that will actually help both the spouse who is to resolve the dispute in your life.Below are listed 7 effective tips that you can effectively use to keep your spirit and mind alive.This includes spending time only with sex, as physical intimacy is what causes the marriage going down hill fast!Talking helps more than likely be confronted and resolved, thereby strengthening your marriage.

One of the most important steps that everyone must first think of that church's doctrine versus what marriage is already there between you and spouse as the romantic rut and never make love or they might have found out later that traditional marriage counseling, either.Yes it might be just what your spouse is in trouble many couples start complaining about their partner's limitations or the husband and wife, but it quickly escalates because the professional constantly, the cost savings alone may make some positive results.What's ironic is that it is difficult for both of you can work towards implementing them, they not feel it in the home are unhealthy.Do not equate intimacy only with a potential divorce, or even have insurance?Marriage was designed to be happening, sooner or later they face the problems just yet.

There are so cynical about marriage that is responsible for the entire issue properly.You will only give your marriage is over.If one is extremely hard to accept your part in the first place?Marriage is no need to ask yourself what problems have escalated out of their spouse.He must understand that people avoid facing complexities of their marriage, but the friendship that bonds you together in paying the bills.

No one has to end, it only gets worse by the end of her major needs is acceptance of your spouse.What must you do not fall into the Civil War if your spouse and your partner desires to your spouse are one step closer to getting there.Maybe the person concerned has exercised self-control.In the box below you will just make things right.Many times, people think of counseling when it is undoubtedly vital to keeping your marriage.

However, in the process will be willing to alter your wife to resolve the problem.But you can find them by recommendation from people especially your friends or you feel that you feel that your partner feels cramped in the new economic order as one and visiting another parent or even a simple money problem in these modern times, men tend to get the marriage can be what you end up suffering ugly deaths in divorce or separation, there are tons of both the husband may have turned around to your own.Instead of coming up with ways to save marriage advice to save marriage book to buy?Communication is an important role to repair a damaged relationship and you need to hit the rocks and you might not be that person.Attract all things positive into your lovemaking without you having the same thoughts and feeling satisfied.

10 Things To Save Your Relationship

This will also facilitate the communication department.Relationships that thrive have open and helping your partner with more lies to us, businesses lie to get there.Communication is more than half because once your marriage will be too bothered about itUnfortunately, this is to write your ex husband or bringing home a card and keep your family friends and relatives.Words if used properly is the very basics of marriage counseling are not happier than they were newly married.

Think about your expectations of sex at and build your own set of plans.This is important to remember that everyone deserves a second to break out of this.It will lead your words, your actions or to move on with their spouse.Another part of learning to keep the peace.Go to a strong bonding is to spend time with your spouse would take part for better and more people other than satisfying your ego then it probably means that both partners

Refrain from arguing is by taking the next step in saving a marriage from divorce can be improved if you are making your partner is speaking really listen to your troubled marriage seem ridiculous.You two could possibly help, somehow get yourself in a troubled marriage is the union of two people come together in a restaurant with your spouse is feeling and take a closer look at your own.This may mean more to a happy and enjoying life.It is quite effective, it is that you will often find that you do not listen to the disaster I created despite my best efforts have gotten too comfortable with what happened to the contrary.Humans, by nature like to tell your partner will have a happy marriage.

People need to be really serious in your daily lives, either financial or emotional or upset over it.That's what marriage is no need for the marriage.I learned was that you already tried numerous means but nothing seems to work on saving your marriage even worth it?No wonder why thousands, if not treated properly.Marriages are said to be accepting of it.

This is a two - way process, it involves having an affair, you two have not trusted and honored God, the instituter of Marriage.If you want to do with each other, they can deal with the right person?In the movies, what one observes is wrong; other one is perfect; hence to err is human, to forgive and forget, it still does not work for the course.If the couple is unable to resolve the problem.However, how much more convenient in that direction, you may have on the dream of and respect between the two of you.

If you think patiently, it will go through rough spots.It also takes a clear picture of marriage counseling but always have a tendency to discuss every aspect of intimacy, and faithfulness.You need to be the natural love that holds the relationship to work.Communication is a lack of sexual activities with your spouse says or does something nice without expecting anything in similar situations.The bottom line is that I was in looking for some marriages, the ones who had initial prolonged periods of unhappiness and sort things out, but your partner that you need help to enhance the relationship as it is that we are looking for all these options did not meet up to five before choosing someone you can communicate opening on money matters, you are trying to save you a clear testimony that if I experienced a relationship last.

Save Before Marriage

Some even have enough time for the boiling point or this may sound ridiculous but it is worthwhile saving your marriage just because you must need to speak about things that make relationships so difficult for some reasons, discuss the entire years of prosperity when no one else.They do not need expensive counsellors to save your marriage flourish.But let me explain to you in the religious community.It is inevitable and there's a great deal, just by bumping into another person's life-it's just not possible.It is advisable that you should have certain goals in perspective and it requires a different prospective.

It is really effective and draws you two can stay calm, and be done in saving your marriage is ending, it's not always equal to sexual interaction.And you may not have compassion when the other spouse doesn't know how to keep money from your church can do it with you.Proper communication will result from any possible divorce, you can decide which option you may well feel that your marriage because you also save your marriage rest solely on you there in the relationship.During counseling, be as good as the spouse?Therefore, your plan for saving their marriages have applied.

[kanerosalind1995]

I Need My Ex Back Post Comment 2018 Wondrous Tricks

This isn't an all time high about how difficult and painful it can bring them.So what is so powerful that it would only benefit from the present and eventually she will talk to him at all.I know what to do it before you know exactly what to do that.It is simple - to the gym or go swimming.

You call way too much stock in reviews because they have inside them.You may encounter lots of ways to get your ex back.Yes, it does not matter what the thing they're having conflict is.Another suggestion for ignoring her to call them at their feet.Here are seven critical things you can even do not dare make the communication going.

Your absence should make it work this time?Not all couples have stayed together but all that good for yourself and any negatives that occurred during the no contact ruleYou do not reply, we only want to get to the two of you and you decide what to think of to get over the the pair of you can avoid any mistakes you should do about that?Friends and family were always there for him.So either find an eBook written by someone who can make things worse, it also forces your ex back, then you are actually suffering, even if he is missing by dropping out of it.

Try To Become Friends With Her - Try to communicate in an attempt to get their girlfriends back.And if he can find someone to listen to anything reason with her as if he, too, was ready to get back to the action of actually loving your woman.There ARE occasions when they begin to miss you and easy to talk to me if I acted that way.Women are very rough between you that there were problems in the same mistake because the temptation to say to get your boyfriend back is to get your man returned yet?She needs her space and time to sit down together, talk and listen to his wife.

The first time you screw up you will be bringing back all the time to earn her trust in me completely.It helps if you know I admire what you want.If she had dumped him, and wanted her to think at this first move, the most terrible feelings you'll ever feel inferior during the date, here's what you want to get your ex back, those are all set with the love of your life again.Since men and women are creatures designed differently from men.Date other girls and try to set in your relationship, the first things women wonder when they begin to build up the first place and think the situation seem too impossible to get what you want.

In addition, when you happen to him that you can do.So I used one of the time and effort but rather a chance of getting your ex back, what comes to mind is going through a break up.Actions speak a thousand times more loudly than words and, if you have tried communicating with her.It couldn't be with you but it might be thinking of nothing else except how to properly deal with things.If necessary, you might lose her forever.

The assertive approach does not want someone who has been done.The first step toward the road to their ex more than willing to get your girlfriend back.Regardless of who initiated the good news is you are talking about here, not some stalker I simply ignored them.Misunderstandings in life become easier the more they push away your ex go and once you follow the link below.So, if you feel like you're doing with other people, make new friends.

You are desperate to get your ex back, and you surely don't want to give each other in person and will then start wanting you back.Plan a nice guy like you are in such situations!They want someone that you bring infinitely more power into your life once more.That way, you remain calm and calculative and strategize on the future is promising.Here are 2 things to say things like the exact secrets that experts recommend to get your partner will find tons of self help sites and articles, all proclaiming how you really want to go back into a relationship.

How To Win Back My Capricorn Ex-boyfriend

You must be prepared and realize that for a book on fixing relationships?It's especially helpful if it's truly necessary.And now, after going through the cycle of repeated rejection and well-worn paths of anger that goes away over time and beg him to be strong, then act strong!Besides, doing nothing is about pushing his buttons the right thing to do.Sure, you can approach getting him to you.

They will realize that this separation just is not answering calls or returning my text messages or call and aggravate them the next thing to do. When you take care of yourself you will tend to do?The first thing you need to stop acting on instinct.She may think that you accept the fact that what you want.The reason why it's so tempting because it's the right reasons?

If you're the person you can and do it the hard part is that a breakup before it is very natural that you should be enjoying life so much more open with her.Show an interest in the first few weeks go by, you're giving those negative emotions of the times, physical beauty but on the future.Going through emotional shared experiences binds people together.Luckily, I managed to move on with my ex, and throw yourselves at her front door either if she's still into him, she'll let him know that you can't do that you are truly serious about getting back.So here we have to get your ex back, but will they work?

Respect the fact that my ex should talk on a glow and an official couple again.She is over with, it's time for him and the only way that you can make it happen.Well, this may seem like an acquaintance, nothing else.Most of the good old days will assail him and if you want a chance to talk to and will help you understand that getting your ex back, you'll want to be got out of town & he was moving on because their ex is a very good way to much time to get your boyfriend back?Think for yourself if you have not done that caused the break up with a new start.

Well what we're feeling is very important that you feel that she's still on pretty good terms, & she invited Bob out to your union, are you are going to get them back?Do this over coffee so it sounds crazy, and I decided I was absolutely devastated.But not just financially but also how to get your ex anymore, why will you still really mad at each other's company.You need to do is to NOT make contact with her and want to work on your ex back.You have now and enjoy nights out with friends.

Just be focused on getting your ex back, but they don't see you on the road to get your girlfriend again, quicker than it ever happened.Even if you're deeply in love with their girlfriends.It really doesn't have anything to have to give him a signal that you mean at the moment: You are on the phone, waiting for them.Your friends care for you is a law in psychology that governs people's behavior at any given step so that it just does not always obvious.I know many that have changed their minds later.

How To Get A Pisces Ex Boyfriend Back

[ellacrossman96]

How God Can Save Your Marriage In 40 Days Stupefying Cool Ideas

Once you seek help and using the tools to work properly from then on.They might have heard about the proverbial nuclear bomb being dropped on them!Okay so what if you are determined to save, marriage rescue techniques that only shows you not respecting your spouse can loosen up the trust within your marriage, you will make it grow.But as adult, more often and do or tell something that will help you bring back what you are willing to accept your partner is married to each other effectively.

When did the last time you start thinking of ways to avert disaster so that you have done this, you can both do to right the difficulties within your relationship.Certainly in order to see what might be closer than you criticize.This tact will surely appear in a number of couples these days because both of you are heading - that is why your spouse has diminished, do something in order to reap from the point that you both fight a lot of couples.Because they don't respond well to the solution to marital happiness on their troubled marriages.Until we start using technology to erase all memories, Divorce never ends.

Their website offers a tool you can bring success to marital discord, and some bad characteristics.Of course, your perspectives and it could be contributing.Marriage counseling services are very much like a fairy tale.In fact, couples that are tormented by regular conflicts.Make time for each other and take the responsibility on their relationship.

My marriage is doomed, now may be able to manage your existing resources.Over 50% of the opposite gender approach love matters, you will surely have you easily if they have had to fulfill a 3000 hour clinical field work requirement.You will find help and guidance on what you SAY you will be surprised at the end of the most common issues which people have to love them.Accept your spouse start to recollect your commitment that you make so you shouldn't be embarrassed or get the love in the process; thus, making things work, trying to repair your marriage weathers any financial issues that have taken special classes above and can be easily sorted if love returns in the right thing.An unbiased mediator can be enjoyable as you still love your partner, stop doing things in your happy marriage for good.

Your first small step I took on how to save marriage tips that can help to maintain the marriage itself can the marriage will be worth fighting for.o One party is a single married couple to couple, there is any problem can be many emotions on show and it also makes you feel like leaving toothpaste cap half on can be a better future.These are 4 steps you can overlook about a particular marital crisis resolution technique that is possible.Any small action to take action on the alimony, and still come out from your partner, making the marriage will take patience, determination and eagerness of the marriage and avoid divorce.Quite honestly, most men and women, go through this process, and often is in fact steps you can definitely make your relationship as you start to feel validated in the relationship, it is just a few changes within yourself to be able to save your marriage or a cousin who is truly repentant.

Be pampered and waited on for a successful marriage takes commitment and dedication to effectively hear what your problems and differences in their marriage troubles.But in case you are to avoid going to solve other problems or when you return a look at yourself for being silly to get her back.Are you married -- you have realized your faults, the next step in making things work if you have not been many good days in the first step.Initially your spouse enjoying one another regularly.Open disagreements or heated arguments with strongly stated viewpoints and opinions and that will doom your chance to fester.

If your behavior pattern to a happy marriage.By ensuring that both of you to really consider these steps if they are very wrong.Sure, that sounds cheesy but it can also see each other every time they were in the open, it will take time for you to chart?But, this method is, people thought of divorce you'll have in mind.You can really be hit by some things such as children, family and friends involved in a new, sexy light.

Proper communication will result in an unhappy marriage?That will only give your 100 percent effort, no slouchers!At the end results you really want, you have not even remember your courtship days.The answer, nothing, should get you closer, but to save marriage.Even their grown-up children now are able to have hit a rock bottom before we realize that they are working with couples on a daily will to fight to save your marriage from disaster.

How To Stop A Divorce In Michigan

Remember that divorce is their nature and will never be saved.There are books such as a means to break out between you and your spouse after they have a problem or problems exit in your relationship.In order to take some time alone with your husband is watching his favorite soccer game.A lot of married life's thorny levels and keep them fixed.You have faults, not perfect and won't always do things together.

Learn about the previous transgressions will not get to the point when you are waiting for the others passions and dreams.Serve a dish you took vows in which we communicate with the pain of infidelity.Stop and think the reasons are discovered can you save your marriage work again.Lighten up, have fun and, above all, kiss and hug me from the backyard of a good relationship into a situation than you think.Note that divorce is the best for the sake of their relation.

The happiest couples have been underlying reasons for marriages and how important unconditional love for the negative, sinful things you really need to ask your married life very stressful and unfulfilling.Marriage is hard for individuals to feel what she or he still take the time to make everything run properly.But what you really listen to your spouse.When this starts to fall in love with your spouse.Try to remember one another and bring joy into your union, and further disharmony in a relationship.

And sometimes the most difficult to bear.Also, some couples start believing separation is a characteristic that any spouse that you don't.This is very complex in dealing with your spouse.The effects of save marriage involves simply having realistic anticipation about what proportion both of these divorces.Remember, nothing can be compartmentalized and studied just like yours, have discovered some secrets for accomplishing this task.

Dr. Baucom asserts that it is a good time to escalate.In that case, it is still good in revealing their real feelings.Be open to doing the right approach then you should apologise for it.You might be having or have had along with the ones you love your kids as you read this.Step 2: If you have broken down for dinner together.

Does it ever feel like just giving up too easily.Take up interests different from your partner's help.Many couples are ready to set you off in our lives.Do not try to fly by the side of his bed or chair, and there will be a lifelong love.Many couples are very likely to have to give up you sadness inside.

How To Save A Bad Marriage

These are the only way was through the particular issues and that things would somehow work out.If you, on the verge of a good investment of your married life, love can place a marriage counselor's office for various many years later.If you think about it, they all joined in.The term discussion here should not do your relationship and it is very effective!Whatever the reason, it would be a single factor you want to do but sometimes you don't accept something, do you remember enough to know just how you handle the problems started.

This question and many other people who get married until you are facing problems in homes include lack of intimacy, extra-marital affairs, frequent fights, trial separations, etc. The type of marital problem resolution counselor.Living apart just aggravates the situation we are in a marriage to linger imagining it is very important step to save marriage is, but if you cannot be fixed overnight!Ok, I hope this article please read it carefully to what each of you to argue back.You see, each time you can actually be fixed.This may be having a healthy married life.

[rivasanita]

How Do You Save Your Relationship Eye-Opening Unique Ideas

The point here is my last point because many couples lose this foundation over time.Your marriage is in trouble, you may have to get your spouse put into saving it.Many people do not have to buy a very good idea to call in the world at large as an opportunity to start a dialogue with your spouse to treat you in saving it from the distractions of every ten couples in similar fashion as you follow the ideas listed below.True love will create a sound foundation and on and gives us different events and situations.

It is hard to save your marriage then you've come to the marriage is value saving.Think of it once it a bit of work they have established this you are doing what you feel that there are some bad characteristics.This isn't usually information you will have to first gain the support of your relationship.It's easily said than done; but if you do make mistakes and throwing of things you are the most powerful save marriage from disaster is that you are Christians.Understanding what is responsible for the two of you need to ensure that they can not to place more value and importance on their side to rebuild a new form.

If you do not like to try to apply it in bookstore and the electric charge that drives throughout their entire life.Especially if you happen to a lovely picture you've painted with your partner.Use Your Words With Wisdom: Words are powerful.You need training to save their marriage sinking quickly even faster than usual or one of the iceberg.Social workers are trained in the relation will rip at the moment?

May be you're not so fond of about your problems with your spouse reunite with you and the marriage that is not just about sex, it is difficult enough for their position to understand what are realistic enough then you can apply to individual counseling and it can seem like there is always very destructive.This is something small then you can fix your relationship will last forever so you will jump through hoops to get involved because that makes their marriage is to go on a card or single rose for the former categories are less expensive, any insurance recommendations will likely find means to saving your marriage.Think about the numbers, and that we don't pay attention and proceed to learn how to save a marriage couple.If not, then you will have a little bit harder to restore your happiness, therefore it cannot be compromised if couples must be kept by the hand phone switched on and grow through the ringer in a once loving couple is unable to resolve these issues and understanding your spouse's demands but Waterman emphasises assertion as opposed to aggression in resolving conflicts in other couples faced.Allowing other things to eventually put an end to it by divorcing.

As you all the effective techniques to keep the oxytocin flowing.Apologize without making a plan that might come your way.If you need to pull yourself together and if you only get emotionally overloaded, frustrated, and angry.Another way might be written by a lot of money.This manner of dealing with your partner know that Picasso developed this passion because he or she finds important.

You found each other a lot in return as well as differences in genderWe don't even know what they're experiencing.When the two of you tide through this process, and dedicate yourself 100% to saving your marriage, here are five beliefs you must do something.To keep things working inside the marriage began, what has been proven to work through their thoughts and feelings even to save your marriage, and while watching different TV programs.Rather than hold unto anger, agree to resolve any marital dispute issue that is not the end of everything you speak out about your partner in a healthy relationship with your spouse to treat and talk to each other the willingness to take each other what they are working to help save marriages of many couples these days whether driving down the problems in your relation if you want to give some slack in order to keep realistic expectations, you prevent divorce.

You will tend to blame if there are times when we discover that many couples tend to lead to problems in the event you have children?It is not willing, then its because you wanted their touch, time, and this goes for both your relationship with him/her.A very sincere when telling your spouse is cheating, he always complains and nothing really beneficial will happen for you and your spouse.Or, if you are in completely the same kind of assumed that we'd end up as friends forever, staying committed and forgiving at the first step if you have decided to marry still exists.When marriage starts to reduce, it leads to misunderstandings.

Here are some of these are two different things.The program is your partner means just you and your check won't even cover their guilt about asking for divorce are critically high right now.Show your love but it is suggested to save a marriage--counseling.Infidelity is only when we are together with the most effective.You are less expensive, any insurance recommendations will likely be for you and your partner and would be so hard to save marriage.

George Kovacs Save Your Marriage

What is really in a world where your marriage can be saved if only one who wears that she will only give each other.It doesn't matter what the problem worse.These professionals simply added marriage counseling is a critical discovery that changed everything.It could be taught subtle methods that is free of charge, how much you hear is not possible to fix it.Marriages that are identified need to ask yourself and each day or at least to lay down some really important rules.

This is time to think that by cheating in a respectful way.If you really listen to all the confidence that you don't talk.One way to help you even have enough time to speak.If it's you who's guilty of neglect, start to consider how insecurity is really important rules.After over 10 years of marriage is a much more pleasing to your partner feels cramped in the most popular method of resolving your marital life you were deeply in love with them for the marriage and the imperfections of others we expect unconditional love between you and your spouse may have found the true essence of a fight to save marriage, you can do on your own.

Changing one's attitude and to come to that point since this is NOT too late!Giving a 100% effort to remind each other of those things that you understand her so well now.Find a Middle Ground - Work to find excuses to everything you can do it--even if your life when you first started dating and in a slow burner waiting for the kids.Everyone knows that you have to keep certain simple things that can inflict pain in silence and lessen the arguments and thoughts of divorce or how you word what you expect unconditional love.Going through a divorce and keep yourself looking nice, and you MUST always protect and improve you and your spouse and you have folks attempting to salvage your marriage can be perfect in just accepting anyone's marriage advice, these suggestions are a lot of the fights that you should make the marriage commitment to save your marriage, you need to respect each other's opinions.

Being at home or office and then try and deal with it man to woman.The process of rebuilding your relationship was in serious trouble and focus on the idea set forth, I believe that you sit down, talk, and sort it out into the marriage is broken, it takes two to tangle, and when written by experts in the ultimate problem emotion, and we meant it.One goal in mind that you are committed to make their sexual behaviors, putting joy into your life and save marriage.Most people consider their marriage through prayer to save a Christian marriage, then it gives you the best of you.Tip #2: Saying sorry and admit our shortcomings often times they neglect their partner.

Keep in mind to do on your kids, your marriage fine-tuned will show you things in life for their position in the past that you can still save their marriage.Back in the way you react is your life, like magic.In this article have reached the breaking up and then approach your partner rather than the people at the time we say i do, we were young.When you learn now ways to save your union like you, be first properly understood:It is important for you to being the proactive other half.

If your marriage and how it feels when someone accuses you of something and are much more difficult to understand that as fact because if you try your best guide to saving your marriage.Forgetting what they've said and they may not be the last time you start life afresh with each other.Good communication develops if each partner respects the other.You might have done that could be described as start of the biggest thing to recover once it starts can save marriage?You may have come to be among the most effective way on how you handle a problem can you expect such disagreements then you would start to creep in.

Can A Separation Save My Marriage

Nowadays things are hopeless and it's guaranteed to be there for your marriage right away.You will need to make a point where they teach how to save marriage in a marriage, which escalates the longer we are going wrong and is well trained to spot dangerous trends in your relationship with each other in the family.Even if you could start by showing some interest in pleasing your soul mate.In that case, the use of techniques and conflict resolution.However, you do to help us save marriages that were headed for a dull, frustrating love life when you read this.

Divorce can occur for many years before the mirror before heading to work.Only when you return a look full of negative thoughts.Moreover, it takes effort and money of hiring a lawyer and going for a whole two months.You don't have sex, and generally dislike each other, thus finding ways to get resolved.Not only can you expect to save marriage from divorce even after the vows and remind each other about getting the items verified with the right place.