#//but aside from that it's mostly a society built around helping everyone else and being decent people

[mechahero]

@pzfr asked- [ Culture ] [ Specialization ] [[ what's da culture like in motor city!!! ambassador questions (accepting!)

[ Culture ]

"Well, uh, it's kinda hard to explain?" A lock of hair twirls absentmindedly around a metal finger. His eyes locked to the side and away from whoever asked him the question. "It's very... condensed? Everyone brings a little bit of somethin' when they choose to live here and I guess over time it kinda turned into its own thing?"

"We've got like a lot parties and stuff? Mostly for morale, a lot of the time its for people that were dead and stuff." Lambda taps at his head, racking his brain for any more information that seems to have suddenly slipped his mind. Right when he needs it too. Man. "Oh right! We kinda just exist? But, like, we try and be good people obviously. That's kinda at the forefront of this whole thing. Uh... we kinda scrapped the idea of using cash for food and stuff? And people don't have to work to survive! I mean, people can work if they wanna?" He chews at his lip. It's hard to get the words out the way he was thinking about. "It's um, kinda hard to explain. You'd just hafta see it for yourself."

[ Specialization ]

"Like, as a cyborg? Or?" Realization dawns on him. Or something akin to that, anyway. "Ohhh. Did you mean the city?" He taps at his fingers. Or taps them together, rather. "Honestly? I don't really know? I guess it's sort of part of my goal to have a peaceful world? I mean, ya gotta start somewhere I guess." It sounds odd coming out of his mouth. Maybe even bad. Well, it sounds bad to him.

"We don't really specialize in anything? Except for being, I guess? Existing? I don't know how to explain it. I just don't know."

[krabstick32]

Girl Code

Pairing: Giyuu x Reader

Synopsis: Having crushes are hard. Especially when your best friend and the person you like seem to be hitting it off. 

Tags/warnings: very very very light angst, mostly fluff uwu

a/n: first of all, happy new year! school got reaaaal busy, so whew! it’s been a while! not gonna lie, I really missed writing stuff! I got a few days worth of break, so hopefully I get to finish a few backlogged reqs. (I think I only have two left, but to those two, I sincerely apologize for the wait! I’m planning to write them as headcanons to get them out faster, so I hope you don’t mind!)

to @aliaisreal​, thank you so much for requesting and being so patient with me 🥺 i apologize in advance if it’s not very good :(( it’s not my best work, but I hope you still enjoy it and that it’s somehow worth the wait^^

Link to the ask: Request by @aliaisreal​

As the Insect Pillar, and the successor of the Butterfly Estate, Shinobu Kocho was one busy woman. She has a lot of responsibilities on her plate such as slaying demons, concocting medicine, and the like, so it was safe to say that she had no time to babysit anyone but—

“Shinobu!” The door bursts open and one of her… self-appointed responsibilities come prancing right through the threshold. “How about we go out to the village and have some lunch, hmm? My treat!”

Even if her skin felt like it almost flew off in shock, her smile stayed the same as she arranged the papers she intentionally threw around her desk when you came barging through the door. It wasn’t like you immediately coming in shocked her or anything. No, not at all. “Hello to you too, (F/N). Not that I particularly mind, but why so sudden?”

At that, your cheeks turn an adorable shade of red. In your excitement to invite her out to eat, you forgot to greet her first. “Ah, hello. But, back to the topic of lunch!”

Shinobu didn’t really change the topic, but she waved a hand as an indication for you to continue.

“Well, you seem stressed lately. I was hoping to treat you out y’know? And then you could rant and tell me all about it—only if you want to of course, no pressure at all!”

She sighed. For the past few days, Shinobu was starting to get a little frustrated with the current medicine she was trying to make work. On top of that, she needed to handle so many other things, and do missions, check in on patients, cook—well, it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, but it was starting to get on her nerves. 

It was no surprise that you were starting to notice because even if you seemed a little too enthusiastic at times, you were still her best friend and a pillar at that—you wouldn’t be here without being exceptionally skilled and observant. Overenthusiasm aside, she—and everybody else included—knew you meant well. 

“I don’t know,” She hums, excited to see how you’ll react. “Are you done with your portion of the work? You looked a little distracted earlier, what with Tomioka-san—“

With the mention of the water pillar’s name, your sweet closed eyed smile turned sour as you immediately placed your hands on her mouth to stop her from continuing that sentence. “Y-Yeah! Yeah, I’m done! You know I don’t slack off. All the patients are fine and I've stitched up the few whose wounds opened.”

She was just teasing. Shinobu was well aware of your skill and work ethic, and while Shinobu was gifted in medicine, particularly pharmaceuticals, you had an uncanny knack for cutting people apart, and stitching them back up again. You were as skilled with a scalpel as you were with a sword.

“I’m just teasing (F/N)-chan.” The Insect Pillar replied, and couldn’t help but want to push more of your buttons as your face seemed to relax at the thought that she wouldn’t mention a particular someone. “But are you sure you’d rather invite me? I’m sure you’d rather ask Tomio—“

If your face was pink before, you were absolutely glowing right now as you put back your hand on top of her mouth. “Shinobu! You know I...you know I don’t like him like that! Besides, I am positive he likes someone else.”

She shrugs your hands off—which were slightly clammy, ew— as she shows you a devilish smile that has you sweating more. “Lie all you’d like, but I don’t think that’s something someone who ‘doesn’t like him like that’ would say, don’t you think?”

Ah, teasing was fun, but teasing you and tomioka were one of the few pleasures in life she made sure to enjoy.

“...Stop teasing me or I will eat without you.”

“Okay, okay, let’s go to that ramen shop in the village.”

Everyone didn’t give the great Inosuke-sama enough credit!

He was raised by boars, grew up in the wild, and treated the mountains like his home. Insouke may have lacked skill in what society normally taught, like proper etiquette, and reading, but the wild was a great teacher on its own, and taught him things he wouldn’t have learned in the company of other humans.

Spending his entire life out in the wild, Inosuke was able to learn how to heighten his senses, particularly his sense of touch, and how to observe. He may have been clueless in the socially acceptable ways to voice out what he sees, what he feels, but Inosuke is perceptive, and that’s what people normally wouldn’t associate with someone who was as stubborn as a rock, and as brash as a beast.

Inosuke—and Kentaro, Nezuko, and Monitsu for that matter—usually spent their time at the butterfly estate. The three of them—mostly Tontaro, really—helped the girls. Cooking, laundry, cleaning, lifting heavy things, were simple chores that they did, and afterwards, Inosuke would often find himself looking for you and Shinobu.

He always felt this...fuwa-fuwa feeling around the two of you, and he thought both of you were like that Gengoro, his sister, and reluctantly Chuitsu.

There was a day where Shinobu was out on a mission, leaving you partially in charge of the butterfly estate, and spending some time with Inosuke. Personally, you found Inosuke to be interesting due to his origins, and overall, he was fun to be around with. Surprisingly, both of you really complimented each other despite being both huge balls of energy and enthusiasm.

That day, you and him were having a little spar by one of the yards around the estate. To an outsider, it was absolutely funny seeing him, who had a more built body compared to your lithe frame, getting thrown off and beaten to a pulp with a wooden stick. If Shuitzu were here to see the spar, he would be laughing his ass off in that pissy, slightly disgusting high-pitched tone at the many times Inosuke was thrown down. Manchiro would probably observe though, and would probably encourage him that he could beat you one day while helping him with his wounds.

Contrary to popular belief though, Inosuke was well aware he couldn’t beat you, at least not yet. Regardless of the way you looked, he could feel it in his skin that you were a formidable opponent who could easily break his bones if you wanted. Seeing your strength for himself was an opportunity he saw where he could get stronger, even if it did frustrate him a little. Or a lot.

“The great Inosuke demands a rematch! A rematch!”he demands, fussing against the ground as you lower your sword and stand up straight from your last breathing form.

“Ahaha, okay, okay! But I’m feeling a little tired…” you pause and place a hand on your chin with a thoughtful look. In a few seconds, you snap your fingers and turn back to him with a bright smile. “Ah! How about we take a break first? Then you could go back to handing me my butt?”

Inosuke knew you weren’t tired and that technically, you were the one handing him his ass. You weren’t heaving a lung out like he was, or sweating bullets. You were the picture of calm and collected, pristine like untouched snow, without a hair out of place.

Inosuke huffs and pushes himself off the ground. “Fine! Insouke-sama permits it!”

“Wonderful! Wait here.” You chirp and pad back into the butterfly estate, leaving Inosuke to unceremoniously plop back down to the ground.

A few minutes pass, and he feels his skin tingle—someone was here, but they didn’t seem to have any malicious intent. It would have felt different if there was.

He looks up from his spot on the ground and spots the hanhan baori guy, his face looking the same as it did the past few times Inosuke saw it. The odd guy was just passing through the gate when Inosuke pushed himself off the floor, wooden sword pointed between Pochioka’s eyes.

“Hanhan Bao—!”

Before Inosuke would have finished his proclamation to fight, you were back standing at the engawa with a tray of sliced fruit, and bamboo cups filled with cool water. “Inosuke? What’s wro—Giyuu! What brings you here?”

Huh. That was odd.

“(F/N)-san.” Inosuke goes uncharacteristically quiet as his eyes darted between the two of you.

It was completely unmistakable. Hanhan Baori’s mouth moved when you arrived. Inosuke honestly thought Dohioka was a magic statue before this day.

You turn to Inosuke and place the tray in a safe spot. “Here, eat first. I’ll just ask what Giyuu needs, and we can spar right after, ‘kay?”

“‘Kay.”

At his response, you give him a warm smile and pat his head (there was that darned fuwa-fuwa feeling again!). He watches as you and Tapioka move a few meters away, settling underneath the shade of a tree to talk, a bit too far away for him to hear.

He doesn’t think he needs to though, because your body language said it all.

Your face was a little flushed, your smile looked even sweeter. Hanhan baori’s mouth was curling upwards in a smile, and his eyes looked fond. A suspicious combination for someone who he previously thought was a statue up until now. But he digresses. He’s never seen you look so...like this. You smiling wasn’t much of a surprise, but with Pachinko around...it was different, and Tochioka seemed more open to boot. There wasn’t much of a doubt in his mind. There was something between you two. He just couldn’t put a name on it—but there was something. Maybe he should ask Monjiro about it.

He munches on the fruit thoughtfully, watching you smile softly—softer than he’s ever seen—as you seem to answer a question Torioka asked you.

Yep, definitely something up between you and Tomioka.

Maybe he should extend his help. After all, the great Inosuke-sama was the kind ruler of the mountains. Pushing you two along would be a piece of cake.

Shinobu catches you pouting by the window in your joint office. It was adorable, considering how your cheeks were puffed, and your eyebrows were furrowed, but with your personality? Sulking wasn’t like you. “Care to tell me what’s wrong?”

Surprised, you jump and turn to find the Insect Pillar with her ever present smile painted on her face. It seems softer though, kinder. “Huh? No, nothing’s wrong!” You disagree, pushing yourself off the chair and tidying up the papers scattered on your desk.

She watches you with a small knowing smile on her face. “What, didn’t see Tomioka-san today?”

You paused for a moment, imperceptible to any outsider, but to Shinobu, who has spent so much time around you, that momentary lapse in movement was enough of an indicator. “...No.”

Hit the nail right on the head!

“You are a terrible liar (F/N)-chan. I thought the two of you were getting along? Should I go put poison in his tea?”

At her suggestion, you turn back as your skin pales. It was largely concerning how easily Shinobu could do that. “What? No! He did nothing, I swear it!”

“Awfully defensive,” The Insect Pillar snickers, before taking a seat on her chair and turning to you. With you pouting at her, Shinobu is reminded of how fun it was to tease you.

“Shinobu-chan.”

“Teasing.” She raises her hands in a move to placate you. Well, annoying you was fun and all, but she was concerned for you, more so than wanting to piss you off. “Anyway—jokes aside, you know i’m always here for you, right?”

You knew that. She was always willing to listen to your problems, but you couldn’t exactly tell her that you’re trying to distance yourself from Giyuu because he liked her.

Truth be told, you were getting along with Giyuu, so much so that you’ve started to like him as more than a friend. But, you cared for Shinobu and you wanted her to be happy. She and Giyuu made more sense than you and him.

“...Yes.”

“And that I love you like a sister, right?”

Despite all the teasing, you knew Shinobu really cared for you. She may like to push your buttons, but oddly enough, it reminded you of one of your siblings, so you didn’t mind. Just like your relative, you knew they did it because they wanted to distract you from your problems. An odd way of doing it, but they really would have gotten along.

“Yeah.”

“And that I can easily kill a man and hide his body?”

“Shinobu-chan!”

She laughs, the sound very similar to bells, and you can’t help the bitter thought that maybe Giyuu liked someone with a mellow voice like hers. “Kidding! Kidding! Well, kind of on that last one.”

You pout, and she brushes off her statement with a near irresistible bribe. “Alright, how about we go get some food? My treat.”

Awfully tempting. But there was still one more concern in your head.

“No poison?”

“Have more faith in my, (F/N)-chan!” Giggling, Shinobu slides the door open, and beckons you over. “Now, let’s go—I’m sure you’re hungry!”

“You didn’t answer my question!” You say, trailing after her in mild worry, feelings momentarily forgotten as the thought of food replaces it.

It was any other early evening in the butterfly estate when the Water Pillar barged in through the doors, blood dripping from an open wound on his chest, with the oddest expression on his face.

Maybe what should have alarmed the butterfly girls were the deep scratch marks on his chest. Instead, it was the near half-crazed look on his face. Tomioka-san’s face never moved from it’s impassively cold stare, why was now any different?

“Where is she?” He rasps.

Aoi, who was standing at the entrance with Kiyo upon his arrival, was brought out of her shock. “Tomioka-sama, lie down. Kiyo will lead you to a room and I’ll get Shinobu-sama immediately to take care of your wounds.”

“No, where is she? Where’s (F/N)—”

From the end of the hall, you came down to see what all the huff was about. You were taking inventory of the supplies since it was a little slow today, but the ruckus urged you to go out and take a look.

“Giyuu? What’s going on he—ohmygods, Giyuu, are you alright?” Seeing Giyuu pale—well, paler than normal—and bleeding all over the floor was not what you expected though.

“(F/N)...” Seeing her alive and breathing eased Giyuu’s worries, so much so that he sags in relief. He would have dropped down the floor if it weren’t for your quick reflexes.

Lightly, he feels you press a hand to his head, wiping the sweat forming on his brow. 

“Giyuu? Stay with me, we’re going to fix you right up, ‘kay?” There was no doubt in his head that you could. He’s been in much worse really. The blood loss just wasn’t doing him any favors.

Regardless, he shakes his head and just savors you being here, warm and alive.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

“I thought you were dead.”

“Dead? Who, me? No, silly! I just sprained my ankle, so walking’s a little hard, but i’ll be fine!”

“I thought I was going to lose you...” He was starting to babble. The blood loss was starting to affect him more than he’d thought.

“Lose me? Don’t worry, I’m not going away any time soon.”

“Good…” Giyuu breathes out a sigh of relief. He liked the thought of you living for a long, long time. “I like you a lot.”

With that admission, his head slumps over your shoulder, and his body gets heavier, prompting you to nearly drop him with the weight of his sudden confession and his mass.

Aoi and Kiyo watches, shocked beyond words as your face continuously gets redder and redder. Whether it was from the exertion, or his words, well, everyone knew exactly what was causing you to look like a freshly plucked apple.

“H-Hah?! Wait, Giyuu? Giyuu!”

And that is the sight that greets Shinobu. She was back from a report to Oyakata-sama, so seeing you all red and flustered with a fully grown man who was bleeding all over her floor and who was about to fall over and kill you—with his weight, or with his words, Shinobu could easily guess which—was an especially unusual sight, but unfortunately, not really unexpected. And mildly infuriating.

“Tomioka-san, you total dunce! Get treated first! Ugh, (F/N)-chan, don’t let him fall, he’s losing blood!”

“Ow—“ Giyuu grunts, the bandage being wrapped around his torso a little too tight for his taste.

“Tomioka-san.” Shinobu starts, her hands continuously steady as she wraps the bandages with precision and efficiency around his chest. “I don’t think we’ve had a heart to heart chat about (F/N)-chan, don’t you think?”

After Giyuu’s surprise confession, you and Shinobu were able to drag him to a nearby room. He was passed out cold, and between you two, carrying a fully grown man would still be difficult, even if you’ve both had special pillar training.

He woke up a few minutes after you were done stitching the open gash at his stomach which caused his bloodloss (and slightly embarassing fainting spell). These unfortunate series of events have led him here, painfully being bandaged by none other than Shinobu. It wold have been nice if you were the one doing it, but Shinobu sent you to go look for more bandages with this sickly sweet look in her eyes—which you barely noticed in your worry. The worry was sweet, but now he knows Shinobu’s motives. Interrogstion.

Giyuu could do nothing else but nod, doing his damn best to not flinch, and keep still.

“You see, she really likes you, you know? I’ve never seen (F/N)-chan happier than she is when she’s with you. Honestly, I don’t know why she does, and what she sees in you but I like seeing her happy. You and I both know that she deserves it.”

Giyuu watches her wrap the bandages with practiced ease albeit with a little more force than necessary. Hearing Shinobu talk about you so fondly has him feeling grateful that you had someone who cared so deeply for you, and who was so willing to do anything to keep you happy. Even if the brunt of her attacks did fall on him, he could understand where she was coming from.

“She does,” Giyuu says, surprising Shinobu as she finds the softest, most fondest look she has ever seen on Giyuu’s immovable face. For a moment, Shinobu could see that he cared so much for you—as much, if not more than you cared for him—and she knew that he would never do anything to hurt you.

Unbelievable. She can’t believe he passed her test so easily.

She lets out a heavy sigh, turning back to the task at hand with a saccharine smile ready on her face.

“All that said, If you hurt any part of who I see as my beloved sister, I'll make sure to use my medical expertise to ensure you don’t get a chance to spread your genes—”

The door slides open with a nice loud clack, preventing Giyuu from hearing the rest of Shinobu’s sentence. Just as well too. He doesn’t think he’d want to hear the rest.

“Shinobu-chan! I’ve got more bandages for Giyuu!”

“Ah, thank you, (F/N)-chan!” The Insect Pillar smiles, taking one of the fresh bundles you offered, as you moved to the side of the room, arranging the medical supplies for easier access.

Shinobu leans down, under the guise of tying the gauze, as you flit around the room, spreading sunshine in your trails. None of you mention how you blatantly avoid eye contact with Giyuu. But it’s not like he’s initiating any either.

“I don’t think I need to continue my sentence.” She mumbles under her breath. “Do you understand?”

Giyuu winces as she tucks in another piece of bandage, grumbling in response. “Loud and clear.”

BONUS:

Later that night, Shinobu left the two of you alone in Giyuu’s hospital room to talk it out. It was a little awkward at first, but as the two of you melt the ice, your usual sunny personalty—ironic, as you were the Snow Pillar—takes over. Throughout the course of the evening, you take out his hand with his permission, and have the time of your life holding it. It was a little funny how stiff and unused he was being at hand holding, but you found that to be one of his unexpected charms. And it wasn’t like he was complaining. He actually found it adorable how small your hands were, and how it fit really well against his own.

“So you don’t like Shinobu?” You ask a little shyly, playing with the tips of his fingers.

Against your skin, you feel him shiver in disgust as he looks slighty disgusted by question. “Gods, no, never.”

“So you were serious about liking me? It wasn’t a joke?”

“I don’t think I’d joke about that in my final moments.”

You giggle, feeling a little silly for even questioning it. But really, you don’t think you could be blamed for it. “You have a point.”

The two of you stay in comfortable silence for a while. He watches you trace vague shapes against his palms and he’s never felt so at peace before, than he did at this moment. After a while though, a curious thought strikes him, and he can’t help but want to ask.

“...What made you think that?”

The tips of your ears stain pink before you look away and bring one hand to your cheek. “Well I thought you two liked each other, and it seemed like she suited you much better than I would.”

“I only ever liked you. I thought I was being obvious.”

As blunt as ever.

“Ahaha!” You laughed, getting flustered in spite of the warmth pooling into your chest. “Well, I guess not enough for me.” It’s not as if you were able to notice. You did think he liked Shinobu after all. “By the way, why did you think I was going to die?”

He look up at the ceiling. “One of Tanjirou’s friends...that boar kid told me you couldn’t walk, and that you couldn’t move.”

“Inosuke? Oh, that…that actually makes a lot of—a lot of s-sense!”

Giyuu watches you fondly as you laugh. In your defense, the thought of you spraining your ankle being blown out of proportion by none other than Inosuke was funnier than you ever expected.

“Don’t laugh.” Giyuu pouts. It was the most adorable thing you’ve seen. “By the way he said it, I really thought you weren’t going to live to see another day.”

You breather deeply, giggling a little as you look at him with mirth and happiness dancing in your eyes. “Okay, okay. I’ll explain it to him tomorrow. But I guess I should thank him. If you weren’t nearly half-dead on your feet, neither of us would have confessed.”

“Yeah. I‘ll go with you.”

“Cool! Cool...Um, Giyuu?”

“Yes?”

“Could you maybe… perhaps, say that again?”

“Say what, again?”

“That you like me?”

Giyuu chuckles, giving your hand a light squeeze. “I like you.”

He’d say it a million more times if he gets to see you smile like that again.

“Heehee, I like you too Giyuu!”

a/n: i got a little sick of rereading this so many times, so, apologies for any grammar/spelling mistakes!! i hope ya’ll liked it though uwu

also, are any of you playing genshin impact? man, that game saved my sanity, and at the same time caused more insanity....it’s fun.

if u guys wanna play, feel free to send me your uid’s! i’m at world level 6 so i can go into most worlds :^)

[auty-ren]

The Offer: Chapter 2

Touches

Pairing: ClanLeader!Mando x fem. Reader

Rating: T (Mature for future chapters)

Word Count: 3.5k

Warnings: Injury, Touching, Insinuations of sex, Cursing (just a tiny bit), Fluff, Yearning (a lot).

A/N: I’m having so much fun writing this. Please let me know what you think! Comments and feedback appreciated always. It’s also on AO3. Hope y’all enjoy💕

Chapter 1 | Chapter 3

Mandalorian lore via mandoa.org (I dont own it)

ClanLeader!Au created by @magichandthing​​

Gif by @coredrive​

Summary: You finally get to speak to Clan Leader Djarin again.

Your nose was definitely broken.

The elder assessed that much on her initial exam of your face. 

The bile in your stomach churned and nausea flooded your senses at the thought of having to reset the broken cartilage. You knew they would have to realign your nose otherwise it would never grow back properly. However, your stubbornness took hold and you wouldn’t let the elder anywhere near your face. You knew the pain that was eventually going to happen, but you dreaded the process. You wanted to postpone it for as long as you could. You tried to rationalize other options, internally debating and trying to come up with excuses for Mira and the Elder. Maybe if it was left alone, your nose would heal just fine; it seemed like a probable outcome you just hoped Mira would see it that way and leave you be.

Mira, of course, had different plans.

It took Mira straddling you, completely immobile due to her weight pressing into your chest, and the strength she held your arms with for the Elder woman to be able to fix your nose from its dislocated position. When she finally did, you're sure your scream reverberated off the walls.

“We underestimated your strength ad’ika.” The woman joked after giving a final dose of a bacta shot. Your eyes were still watering and you just huffed in response, causing Mira to chuckle from across the room.

Mira’s company started to grow on you, even though at first your time together was filled with silence. She often busied herself around the hut; shining her armor, cleaning her assortment of weapons, tinkering with different pieces of mechanics that littered the shelves. You would offer to help and she accepted, reluctantly at first, but you were starting to think she enjoyed your company as much as you did hers.

Most of the conversation was you asking questions about Mira and her people. You had some knowledge of the ways of a Mandalorian but Mira always explained it better. She always answered you with a sense of patience, explaining everything to you in detail you could understand. You appreciated it, the last thing you would want to do is offend her people with ignorance. She seemed to enjoy your enthusiasm for learning about Mandalorian culture.

“Ba'jur bal beskar'gam, Ara'nov, aliit, Mando' a bal Mand'alor, An vencuyan mhi.”

“What?”

“It is a rhyme taught to children, so they can better understand our way of life.” She put down the tool she was cleaning her armor with, handing you the piece to polish. Before you could even ask, she recited the same phrase to you in basic.

“Education and armor, Self-defense, our tribe, Our language, and our leader, All help us survive.”

Days bled into weeks and you started to lose count of how long you had been with Mira. Your injuries had healed fully thanks to Mira and the elder that visited you. Light remains of your still healing bruises were all the evidence of the encounter. As you felt better, Mira invited you to accompany her into the village. It had almost become pleasant, the little routine you two had. The fresh air always felt nice, and Mira filled the time telling you more stories of her clan.

“That man,” you paused, debating whether or not you should even bring up the topic. “The one who I met when we first arrived, who was he?”

Ever since then you found yourself wondering about him more than you liked to admit. He and Mira had been the first people to treat you with kindness in a long time, so you figured the reaction to him was just grateful. Your curious nature made it almost impossible to not want to know more. You had learned much about Mira the last few weeks, and the persistent thoughts of him would certainly cease at knowing more of him. At least that's what you told yourself, but it was hard to forget that blooming you felt in your chest when he first spoke to you. How the deep timbre of his voice felt like honey that settled in your bones. You caught yourself daydreaming how his voice would sound without the mask of his voice coder, just as rich and deep but something new and soft against your ears. It probably felt heavenly to hear him whisper things to you, his breath gentle in your ear.

Mira turned to you and watched as you waited for an answer. It was as if Mira could read your thoughts from the way her head tilted to look at you. You were thankful she didn't pry, that was a conversation you didn't want to have.

“He is the strongest and conscientious of us all, which is why the High Elders chose him to lead and defend our clan. Each of the pendants he wears is a testament to his fortitude.”

You listened intently, hanging on to every word Mira spoke.

“They say he received his signent by hunting a Mudhorn that terrorized the village and killing the beast with a viro-blade as his only weapon.”

“Oh,” was all you could say, your voice just a whisper in the silence left behind her words. As much as you will yourself to be satisfied with this information, it only seemed to stoke the fire that had been set ablaze by him. You wanted to know so much more, the desire to be around him was something you tried hard to ignore.

—

Much to Mira’s protest you mostly stayed to yourself, already feeling so out of place. Aside from her, the elder, and the brief encounter with the clan leader Djarin you hadn’t spoken to anyone else since being here. She tried all she could to get you to attend their weekly dinner, a celebration every clan member attended, she insisted. You eventually caved to her persistence. So you sat with her at one of the long wooden tables, chipping away at the plate full of food in front of you. Every so often you stopped to pull at a loose thread in your sleeve, somehow hoping the action would ease the anxiousness you felt.

The clan had given you new clothes shortly after settling with Mira. She presented the garments to you one night, explaining that the leaders agreed you would feel more comfortable in them. A simple, deep red, long sleeve tunic, and a long brown skirt that flowed around the movement of your legs. It was similar to the attire you’d seen some of the women in the village wearing.  It felt unusual at first, you were so used to wearing the same few articles, almost threadbare in places from the years of consistent wear. These clothes seemed almost new, soft to the touch, and fit your body perfectly. The gesture nearly brought tears to your eyes, no one had given you such a thoughtful gift since you were a child.

It was so refreshing to see that not all the hope had been purged from the galaxy. Mira's people were just as legend had described them, fierce warriors with integrity and strength that rivaled entire battalions of soldiers; but there was also love and kinship that was deeply rooted in pillars of their society. It seemed almost surreal, this warrior race had taken you in; had healed and cared for you. It was something you had to witness first-hand, no amount of stories could convey the community the Mandalorians had, at least no one would believe you if you had tried.

You opted to observe the events of dinner, not wanting to cause any more trouble than you felt you had already. Mira had not lied when she said everyone would be there. The tables were filled with people laughing and enjoying the company of each other. It felt so peaceful, and the unsettling feeling in your stomach subsided as the dinner went on. The evening eventually started winding down when dusk had settled over the village. You thought it would be rude to leave without Mira, so you waited patiently on the sidelines wanting to return to the hut.

“How are you feeling?”

Din leaned his shoulder against the wall behind you, his arms crossed and his head tilted to the side. You jumped, you hadn't even heard him coming towards you. He seemed amused at your reaction, letting out a huff that slightly jolted his shoulders.

“I’m fine,” You felt that same pull start in your chest. “Mira has taken very good care of me.”

“Good.”

He became silent, watching the clan mingle like you were. This was exactly what you had been hoping for, to be alone, to be able to talk with him, and ask all the things you had been pondering since your initial meeting. But now you felt so small, every word you had readied was lost on your tongue, swallowed by the intimidation you felt. He was the noblest warrior of his clan, strong and authoritative in his ways but he made your heart flutter in a way you didn't know could. It was suffocating, being around him but you craved it nonetheless.

He moved to sit next to you, straddling the bench you sat on. You could feel him looking at you, but you didn't dare tear your gaze from in front of you. You felt your face flush all the way to the tips of your ears. He hadn’t said five words to you and you were already a mess.

“I should find Mira,” you broke the tension, hoping to escape so you could finally breathe again. “It's late.”

Before you could distance yourself he spoke, halting you in your tracks.

“I can return you to your hut,” he paused pushing himself to stand. He considered you for a moment as if to debate his next words.

“If that's what you wish.”

—

“I haven’t seen you since your arrival.” It wasn't really a question, more of an observation. You turned to look at his helmet, still trained on the path in front of you.

“Mira forced me to break my isolation.”

A huffed laugh came through his helmet, effectively melting some of the tension that had built up. Your own smile stretched across your lips, he still made you incredibly nervous but he at least had a sense of humor.

You didn't exchange any more words, silence falling back over you both. It felt just a little different than before, the tension wasn't drawn so tight. A light airy feeling replaced the energy that flows between the two of you. You could feel your muscles relaxing just the slightest bit, the bubbling worry in your stomach replaced with a dull ache.

Your senses focused back on your surroundings, cool darkness had enveloped your path, lit only by the torches mounted against the huts. People still congregated in the street, groups exchanging wishes of sweet dreams as most of them prepared for sleep. As you passed, side by side with their leader, each person stopped to give a small bow. Some of their gazes lingered on you, not in a judgemental way, most of them just seemed curious in nature. It was probably odd, seeing some strange woman being escorted by the most respected man in their village. If he noticed their looks, he didn't make it known.

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw a small flash of bright color, sticking out noticeably against the neutral tones of the earth. You stopped and tucked in between two of the homes lining your path home, was a small flower bed. Some of the buds had yet to bloom, the new petals poking through the green shell that encased them. Others were full and brilliant, ranging from every color under the sun. You kneeled down to gently caress the buds in the palm of your hand.

Din didn’t realize you had stopped at first. He noticed the absence of your footsteps and turned around, watching you admire the flowers. He walked closer to you, essentially blanketing you in his shadow. Like before, you failed to notice his presence behind you.

“Sorry,” you apologized once you realized he was waiting for you. Standing up and brushing the dirt from your knees. You awkwardly clasped your hands together in front of you, waiting for him to respond. He stood still, completely static and it felt like a standoff of who would move next. You thought of saying something, anything to get him to act again but before you could he cut you off.

“You like…” He seemed to carefully consider his next words, in some ways it almost seemed meek the way the syllables rolled off his tongue. “Flowers?”

You turned your head to glance at the bed behind you. Realizing now how odd you must've looked, stopping to smell flowers like some child. You looked forward and he had yet to move still staring directly at you, at least that's what you assumed it was hard to tell with his visor.

“Yes, um…” Your mouth felt dry and tightened around your words. You know he didn't ask for an explanation but you gave one nonetheless, trying to ease your embarrassment.

“My mother used to have flowers on my home planet,” You turned your face down to your hands, rubbing your thumb at the juncture of two of your fingers. “I haven't seen any since the day I left...”

It had been a long time since you had thought of your old life. Ever since the war it had become painful to even entertain the good memories. Your parents had become ghosts of what they once were.  Their faces were just flashes in your mind, reduced to the few reminders that stuck with you. The smells of cedar and earth reminded you of your father, his clothes always permeated with the smell of the outdoors. Sometimes you could recall how kind his eyes were, seeing a glimpse of them in your dreams. You remembered your mother’s flowers, how they grew during the warm season filling beds of green with vivid, swirling color.

“I didn’t realize they still grew.” You tried your best to keep the emotions these memories held from finding your face, but Din sensed them nonetheless. He hesitated for a moment before gesturing for you to follow him again.

—

“Thank you, for walking with me,” you said turning to him with a small smile on your face as the hut came into your view.

“Of course.” He stopped just a few feet away from you, turning to mimic your position.

“Goodnight,” you said, turning and walking up the few steps of the porch to Mira’s home.

“You never told me your name,” he said, causing you to stop just in front of the door, you turned back to face him.

You told him, giving a slight smile at the end of your words. He parroted your name, climbing up the stairs becoming level with you again. He moved closer to your body, leaving just a few inches between your chests. You looked up into his visor, your reflection more noticeable with the close proximity of your bodies.

He repeated your name, his hands going for one of the necklaces resting against his chest. He lifted it away from him, bringing the necklace around your neck, the cool metal of the pendant resting just above your breasts. You looked between him and the mythosaur skull, the same one you saw plastered on nearly everything in the village. You wanted to say something, your mouth opening, and closing while trying to focus long enough to string a few words together.

“You’re so beautiful.” He leaned his arm against the door behind you, pinning you between him and the wood of Mira’s hut. His other hand came up to trace along the length of your neck, his knuckles stopping when they reached your chin.

You felt like you were on fire, your blood running white-hot under your skin, leaving a blushed tint in its wake. You didn’t dare look up at him, afraid you’d melt under his gaze that seemed to bore straight through you. You kept your eyes fixated on the expansion of chest level with your eyes.

“Have you thought about staying?” His fingers gripped your chin, bringing you to look directly at his visor.

“Stay?” You were a little taken back, your voice coming out as a squeak compared to his. “Here?”

“Yes, here.” He chuckled, his voice dropped mocking the whisper in your tone. A smile threatens the corners of your lips and you bite on the inside of your cheek to stop the spread. He thought it was entertaining, watching you become giddy under his attention. You turned to look just past his shoulder, willing the flush you felt on your face and neck to subside. You had wanted his attention and now you had it but you were failing miserably at being anything but at his mercy.

“Do you like it here?” He said sensing your hesitation, forcing you to focus on him again.

“Yes, of course.” It was true, you enjoyed your time. But to stay? What place did you have here? They had made you feel so welcome but you were an outsider and you had yet to offer any contribution to their way of life. You had felt better than you had in years. Like a familiar version of yourself had taken over again, replenishing the life you so desperately tried to find before. It felt invigorating but you knew it couldn't last forever, and with your injuries in the final stages of healing, you knew that time was coming to an end.

“Then stay.” His voice was firm but held a sort of gentleness that made your heart flip in your ribcage.

He grabbed your hand, leading your palm to rest in the middle of his chest. Your fingers instinctively spread over the warmth of his skin, he interlocked his fingers with yours, effectively trapping your hand behind his.

You couldn’t see his face, but it felt as if you were staring right into his soul. You imagined the depth and piercing look of his eyes. You imagined they were just like the rest of him, fierce and intriguing but with a softness hid behind them. Mesmerizing you and making you want nothing more than to fall deep in their hypnosis. You wanted to kiss him, to feel him against you, flesh and bone to be explored by your fingertips. You wanted to be encased totally by him, to drown in the warmth he exuded, to feel nothing but him for the rest of your days.

With a newfound boldness, you slipped your hand away from his slowly trailing down the center of his chest. The pads of your fingers moved over the toned muscle of his chest, doing exactly what you had daydreamed about since you met him. His skin was a beautiful tanned color with scars scattered, telling the story of his battles. You traced a few, fingers delicately moving across the raised skin. You felt his breath released from behind his helmet, so quiet you may have not noticed if it weren't for the rise and fall of his chest. You continued your movements, traveling down until you met the trail of hair that peeked out from his trousers. He abruptly grabbed your wrist, a groan filtering through to your ears. His grip was firm, stopping your actions but being careful not to hurt you.

“You should get some rest.” His voice was so low, gravelly, barely registering with the voice coder of his helmet. He released his grip, moving your hand back to your side.

You were afraid you had fucked up, misreading him and crossing some forbidden line. Shame flooded your mind, causing your gaze to drift to your feet. He reached up to your face, pushing the hair that fell in your face back, revealing the timid look that fell on your features. He held his palm against your face for just a moment longer than necessary. As his hand fell from your face, you were back to staring into the darkness of his visor, surprised by the tenderness of his actions.

“Goodnight,” He whispered, turning back to walk down the steps, leaving you stunned and missing his warmth.

“Goodnight.”

—————

Taglist: @queenofheavenandhell​​ @youmeanmybrain​ @theocatkov​ @dreamgirl-67 @duker42​ @spxcedxdddy​ @vikingqueen28​ @hdlynn​ @leo-moon​ @tiffdawg​

(Let me know if you want to be added or removed!💕)

[bloodyshadow1]

just finished Alanna’s route and I gotta say, I’d give it a C, it wasn’t bad, but I didn’t see a lot of good either.  There was so much crammed in as much as possible between the Society (that we barely get to see anything of), Time travel (which is fine but done pretty poorly with little buildup or fanfare or explanation), Immortals (like time travel, a decent story enough on it’s own, but only mentioned in the final 3rd of the story and barely talked about afterward), and Magic power stones (pretty vague power system that no one seems interested in telling the MC about) it feels like they accidently threw 4 darts at the idea board this time and never bothered to throw again.  It’s such a mess that the MC has to take on faith without ever being given a real reason to side with the Circle over anyone else other than her ex girlfriend is part of it and they hate her dad.  It’s so quick and it doesn’t ever feel like the right decision at least to me since you spend so little time with the Circle even as background characters to Alanna’s story.

Alanna as a character is kind of meh for me overall.  Physically her design is fine, seems cute more than hot or sexy, but sort of bland and generic.  there are other cute love interests that never felt this generic, she feels like she should be the sister or best friend character instead of the love interest of the MC.  It doesn’t help that by making her the MC’s ex returned, we know little to nothing about her, so much of a romance arc is missing because even if the MC knows, we the player don’t know what’s so great about Alanna.  All of Alanna’s character feels told instead of shown, the MC seems to worship the ground she walks on, but the actual story leaves much to be desired because we don’t really see her do anything super charming or amazingly skilled.  She’s pretty, but she’s not even the most beautiful woman in her route much less London or the world. I could understand why the MC would love her since she’s still hung up on her, so I could believe it if I took the story with a grain of salt, but the fact that her personality seems to be she’s so charming and everyone loves her without every truly delivering on such claims makes her whole route fall even flatter than it’s plot led to. The fact that the MC slept with her right away as a ‘palette cleanser’ was sort of interesting, but it still felt like being told about her, nothing about what she and the MC had gone through felt like she was so irresistible that the MC would need to get her out of her system, because we don’t know anything really about her relationship with Alanna.  And that’s a big problem to her selling points as a love interest

  We don’t know all the stories the MC has with Alanna, especially if they only dated for 2 months, the audience/player/readers, need to understand why the MC is in love with their love interest besides the route being named after them, by making their entire relationship when they first fell in love we miss all of that and are left with empty feelings and gestures between the two of them. The little back and forths between them about their past are okay to start with, but nothing about Alanna as a character from her 12 chapters makes me believe that she’s so lovely the MC can overlook her massive flaws and go along with her very unpersuasive desire to have the MC join them to help the world.  Her depression and feelings of helplessness after 200 years was interesting, but it felt like it came too late.  I’m actually really glad the MC called her out on her bullshit, by the end of her first chapter, I get a bit of where she’s coming from, but what Alanna did to the MC was fucked up and she doesn’t get to just pretend it never happened.

Plot wise, the story is a mess, like Alanna, so much of the story is told to the MC and she’s supposed to take it on faith that the Circle is somehow more morally right than the rest of the Society.  It fails because the Circle has barely any real character, they have interesting traits that if they were around more to make me care about them as something other than the vehicle to do the time travel and nothing more.  In so many routes, you’re introduced to all your love interests at the same time and they’re already a group, while you spend the most time with your love interest, you get to know most of the characters as people outside of their routes, but the rest of the Circle is pretty bland.  Not to mention that the Society is built up as this big maybe evil maybe just powerful and in the wrong hands thing..., but you barely interact with them at all.  The only people tell  the MC and her brother that the Society is bad is the Circle who are actively members of it and nothing about what they say or do makes me feel like they’re any more trust worthy than the rest of the society except most of them are going to be future love interests.  In Alanna’s route, the only member of the Society not in the Circle that has a unique character portrait is Arabella and she’s kind of a more interesting character with a more sympathetic story than the Circle. We hear about how corrupt and morally bankrupt the higher ups in the Society are, and we know the MC hates her dad, who seems to be considered the worst, but aside from being a bit stuff and arrogant, (much like the wealthy elite of our world) we don’t see much evil, and it confuses me if the Circle wants to bring down the Society or try and take control of it for the greater good without much of a reason to trust them.

The Immortal plot point fell flat to me, like the story basically skipped over the time travel plot device by making it literally a this happens and barely talk about it, but adding the Immortality plot felt unneeded in a narrative that needed a lot more structure, not irons in the fire.  I feel like if Alanna/your love interest was the only one of the Circle that was immortal other than the Elites of the Society it would have made a better route to go.  Having an immortal character in your romantic story is fertile ground, they could be a tragic figure, a figure who is hedonistic and loving their immortality, etc, there are plenty of ways to go, an immortal character with a bunch of their pals who are already incredibly powerful and have a vague sense of goodness about them, makes it feel far from a curse or whatever they’re trying to portray it here.  It could have also been introduced better to the MC by say meeting Arabella in the present day and being shocked by seeing her and needing confirmation from the Circle or Alanna, instead of Alanna dropping it in a mood to the MC.  

Overall, it felt to complicated of a story to tell with all the moving pieces that didn’t deliver on any of them sadly.  the whole story felt like it was a mix between Queen of Thieves and Astoria Fates Kiss, without the charms of either the story or the characters, replacing Greek Mythology with time travel.  I will also say, it the plot made me kind of uncomfortable with how a bunch of mostly white young adults have decided to be judge and jury throughout time with the first antagonist being a powerful black lesbian in london 200 years ago, and we only have their word that something is afoot.  I know that she actually was doing bad stuff, but the Circle is just a vigilante group with no actual authority and using time travel as their own means of policing people and if it wasn’t a simplistic romance story disguised as a scifi fantasy story, I feel like more nuance would have saved it.

The good parts: Alanna’s route for Immortal Hearts Society wasn’t all bad, I  I will admit I am probably overly harsh since I just finished it.  I actually really enjoyed the both the Female and Male MC character designs, they both were surprisingly interesting compared to a lot of MC’s.  I really did enjoy the MC for the most part and I liked her relationship with her brother, most of the time I’ve seen sibling relationships in Lovestruck they’re fine but don’t tend to have much actual conflict, just superficial.  But I like that the MC loves her brother, but burned her bridges with him to keep him safe, she regrets what she had to do but not what happened which is a pretty interesting take.  Alanna was enjoyable as a love interest in the beginning, but as the story got more and more convoluted, it felt like she didn’t have much actual character.  I do have a soft spot for the Circle characters, except for the two current love interests, I’m more annoyed that we didn’t get to see and interact with them more, especially since it looks like they’ll be future love interests if the pattern holds.  It was a fine story and I know I’m being overly harsh, but it just felt underdone instead of bad, which tends to make it worse in my mind because the lost potential is frustrating. 

 I wouldn’t mind continuing if the writing got tighter next season, I’ll still give it a try.  I would very much like an Arabella route before anyone else, she has such a gorgeous design and despite not seeing a huge amount of her character being a warm genuinely kind person stuck between a rock and a hard place for her family was an interesting take instead of making her one of the many false sweethearts in Queen of Thieves that stab you in the back.  I also think that if she still is around in modern day she would have fit the story as a love interest better than Alanna. 

Not sure if anyone is going to bother to read this but it feels good to get it out.  Maybe you think I’m full of shit and I’m fine with that, maybe you love Alanna and she’s your favorite love interest.  I’m sorry you read this because I don’t want anyone to feel bad, this is simply how I feel after reading the first chapter

[kinetic-elaboration]

August 15: 2x03 The Paradise Syndrome

I have seen this episode once before and I remember it being pretty awful... but tbh, I didn’t think it was so bad this time around. Maybe that’s just because my expectations were, like, Spock’s-Brain low. It definitely had issues but there was stuff I liked too!

Hmmm, that’s not the bridge. It appears to be... California?

Wondering what people might be so “blessed by this environment”--what a manly he-man action/adventure guy thing to say, amirite?

How does Spock know the significant markers of all the Native American tribes at a distance, off the top of his head?

(Answer: he doesn’t; all of this information is wrong and also one of those tribes is completely made up lmao.)

Honestly, who’s to say these people aren’t advanced? How do YOU know?

“Just so peaceful... no command decisions.” Oh no, Jim’s feeling Romantic again.

Honestly, imagine this characterization in AOS: overworked starship captain think he wants a break (but is wrong). Beyond made a vague attempt but missed what it is that Kirk finds stressful about command--it’s not that it’s boring, it’s the weight of the responsibility and the inability to find love.

Although funnily enough, even on his Native American Vacation, he still finds himself in a command position. He just can’t be stopped. Anyway, I’m getting ahead of myself.

Oh no, the obelisk ate him.

Maybe these people specifically built the obelisk so that they could return to this idyllic ““primitive”“ state, hmm? Maybe they like their lives this way. Maybe they experienced "progress" and then decided that whatever era of their development looked like indigenous American peoples had it right. (This is not correct but it roughly is the plot of Errand of Mercy so I’m not without precedent.)

Spock’s using simple tools to explain his point to Bones lol. “Here, let me dumb it down for you, lesser man of science.”

“Who am I? What are these?” Cpine morning voice: “This must be a dream!”

Kirk looks so confused. The god from the obelisk.

“The engines are showing signs of stress.” Seems to me like SCOTTY’S showing signs of stress.

And yet the music is so whimsical.

Honestly Kirk’s expression here = Denny Crane’s when in a meeting

White man brings CPR, is hailed as god. (I wish I were making this up.)

Damn, Salish has been demoted. How embarrassing for him.

This is a VERY interesting Spock. He does all his calculations, but the he takes all the risks. He’s very certain and single-minded, almost obsessed, not afraid of anything. I think it’s IC but I also think you can see some Kirk influence, perhaps... You can see how Spock has grown in his command abilities since The Galileo Seven.

The wise ones = the aliens.

“He died before he could tell Salish the secret” to opening the Obelisk and stopping the asteroid. That IS unfortunate.

“How does this shirt open?” Lol.

“Your name is Kirok?” “Yeah, sure, whatever.”

“I’ve never been this happy and peaceful.” Funny how he looks neither happy nor peaceful. Maybe it’s something like “I’ve never been this happy and peaceful...and I don’t like it.” Or “I’ve never been this happy and peaceful... there must be something wrong.”

“Here there is much time. For everything.” No there isn’t, there’s an asteroid coming.

Kirk’s cottage core fantasy.

Poor Scotty, so stressed out. Maybe he needs some time with the indigenous aliens.

The Joining Day? Lol okay.

Kirk has no chill, at all. “Oh, you want to get married? Tomorrow? Okay!!” Is this how Gary was able to successfully distract with him the blonde lab technician?

The “stardrive.”

“Estimated repair time?” “FOREVER.”

“And you lost Jim.” Cool it Bones, there’s no need to be cruel. Spock’s already in his thinking pose so you know he’s taking this seriously.

Love Spock’s chair. That’s not Starfleet regulation.

“I have found paradise.” Is he high??

Requisite highly choreographed fight scene.

“You’ve barely eaten or slept for weeks.” That’s because he’s worried about Jim. And the giant asteroid. This is a great Spock and McCoy scene though.

I can’t believe this. Spock lies down (barely!) and McCoy just leaves like he actually thinks he’s won, and then Spock immediately gets up again to go back to work.This guy is even easier to fool than Sarek.

You know Spock spent his whole adolescence going "Sure, I'll do the thing" and then just not doing it.

“A strange lodge that moves through the sky...” Well okay.

Okay I’m sorry, is he sensing the enterprise or is he sensing SPOCK? Because most of this dialogue might just imply he’s generically remembering his old life... but he also specifically says that the “flying lodge” was farther away and now it’s closer again, and how he could he know that otherwise?

She’s pregnant? That’s not good lol. AWKWARD.

Also the closest that TOS will ever come to acknowledging people have sex.

Omg he made a lamp. He made a lamp on his first day there. Does this imply that Captain Kirk had an arts and crafts phase?? Like CPR I understand him knowing--I’m sure everyone in Starfleet does. But hand-carving a lamp? That’s a whole other skill.

Various cultures including “certain Vulcan offshoots” use music notes as words omgggggg I love this information PLEASE tell me more.

“The Preservers” is a good concept imo. Nifty sci fi innovation: taking aliens from endangered places and giving them a new place, then setting it up nicely for them.

Stop throwing things guys! It’s not helping!

“I need Nurse Chapel.” Damn right you do.

Spock really doesn’t like that “wife.” He sounds like “Wife?? How dare??”

Then he suggests it’s a hallucination even though there’s a woman right there.

"Naturally, since he did not come from there. He's my man, get your paws off him."

Vulcan mind fusion? What the heck is that? How is it season 3 and they still don’t know what to call it?

“He is an extremely dynamic individual.” Spock was really taken for a ride in that brain.

“The landing party is expendable.” There’s the Captain.

“I have an excellent eye for musical notes.” Brag.

“Just press the right button.”

Looks like Spock was the god they wanted all along.

Okay, that was an uncool ending though. I know they basically had to kill Miramanee as soon as she was pregnant but like, there was also no reason for her to be pregnant??? I would have preferred if (1) Miramanee hadn't been pregnant, (2) Jim got over her as soon as he regained his memory and (3) she lived and they just parted awkwardly.

Also I think it would have been nice if they had ended with the Enterprise explaining to Salish how the obelisk works, and then maybe even a hint that he and Miramanee will get back together. Like, maybe not that, since I’m not a fan of women just being used to, like, make men feel better--though I’m also not a fan of them being fridged because of Inconvenient Baby--but he should have at least gotten his position back and, more importantly, the knowledge he was always entitled to. Also, the very existence of an asteroid deflector, along with the people’s extensive knowledge of what weather signifies Oncoming Asteroid, implies this happens to them with some frequency. So in other words, the threat will return.

Plus Salish never got enough credit for being right, which he was! The whole time!

Oh and also I would have liked some acknowledgement that Jim does like being Captain. If you watch the whole show, you know that he occasionally bemoans the stress and his inability to maintain a romantic relationship, despite his love of long walks on the beach, but that he’s also ambitious, he loves exploration and adventure, he gets bored if left in one place too long, and he believes in the necessity of progress and discovery to keep not just individuals but societies from stagnation. But if you just watched this episode, you’d think he’d never been happy in his entire life, and that returning to command makes him miserable.

Aside from the Native American stuff--which was awkward and rather unnecessary and has aged, as you might imagine, very very poorly--I actually didn’t hate the episode. It had some VERY interesting Spock stuff, which I think is within a reasonable Spock characterization, and some great Spock and Bones moments. Kirk’s story line was surprisingly engaging for him being completely separate from the crew, and the general theme that he sometimes needs, or thinks he desires, a break from command, is definitely in keeping with other episodes. I liked the asteroid as the Big Danger, which was surprisingly dynamic--by which I mean, it did a good job of connecting the very disparate story lines on the Enterprise and on the planet. I also liked the Sci Fi Concept of the week in the Protectors. And it was interesting to see an ep take place over a longer period of time.

None of this is to downplay how awkward the Native American elements are--incredibly fetishistic, and also lazy--like, “I want to show something Simple and Idyllic...I know! Indians!” There was no reason they should look like American Indians. In fact, it makes no sense that they do: the Protectors take peoples from planets that are about to be destroyed and (somehow) discreetly move them somewhere else, but Native American peoples still.... very much exist? And so does Earth as a whole. So obviously these aliens weren’t transplanted from Earth. So why should their culture resemble some awkward mishmash of Native American cultures?

So overall I’d say, the ideas of the episode, the structure, the characterizations (mostly), and the overall ideas were good, but it was just very awkward and unfortunate that it chose the... aesthetic that it did--especially because it was very much an aesthetic choice and not a well-thought-out, culturally sensitive one. Gonna be honest and just chalk that up to it being 1968 though.

Next is And the Children Shall Lead, which I actually think was one of the first TOS eps I ever saw... But I don’t remember it at all.  So we’ll see!

[mwolf0epsilon]

For the Post Studio AU, what was the hardest part of escaping the studio? For everyone? Like, recovery wise, what's the hardest part for the inky Joey Drew Studios crew?

Oof, where to start with this one... I'm gonna set a few exceptions aside that didn't end up in the Cycle but that were still affected by the studio's descent into madness.

Henry Stein - Being a war veteran Henry was already dealing with PTSD and his old injuries, so being stuck in the studio for five long years repeating the same thing over and over, reopened a few psychological wounds he was working through. Coping with double the survivor's guilt isn't easy, especially when he lays awake at night wondering if he could have stopped Joey if he'd just stayed, but Henry is a stubborn son of a gun. He finds ways to march on and does his best to help everyone else.

Sammy Lawrence - The sacrificial cult murders are hard for him to forgive himself for. He's resentful of his own shattered mind, and is stuck in his own personal loop of being unsure of who he is. Surely he's not Sammy Lawrence anymore, nor does he fit the bill of Prophet. When he ends up spitting up the ink that forms Andy (aka Wanderer/Wandering Sin Bendy) he also ends up with a new hurdle to deal with, which is this mischievous cartoon that looks like a character he absolutely loathes, but who is connected to him in a way he might dare say is more like a parent-child relationship than god-subject. Needless to say Sammy needs time and a little bit of affection to bring down the self-loathing walls he's slowly built up. Once he's learned to reach out to others for help instead of being a prideful mule, he'll finally be able to start mending himself.

Jack Fain - He honestly believed he'd never see his husband again, and that nearly broke him. Then when Henry and Linda managed to contact him, Jack was instead afraid that he'd be rejected because he wasn't human anymore. Jack's insecurities made it hard for him to heal and work his way up back into a semblance of humanity, after all who'd ever be able to love a lump of ink that smells like your bathroom plumbing? Thankfully he was wrong and his husband was more than willing to welcome him back into his life. They have 20 years worth of grief and longing to work through.

Susie Campbell - It takes a while for Susie to forgive herself for what Alice had done in the studio (what she'd allowed her to do). But unlike many of the others she can't afford to sit still. As one of the more humanoid survivors she is tasked with helping Allison with groceries and, as such, is confronted with 20 years worth of change. Once she has time for herself she spends it in introspective silence or straight up just writes about it. She ends up uncovering a talent for literature and becomes a self-made successful "fiction" author. Her specialty? Sci-fi horror.

Norman Polk - Norman's life is a living hell even as he is rescued. He's lucid most of the time but (if provoked) he can easily switch back to being a feral mess. The silence is also suffocating to him, so he gets incredibly antsy if there isn't much happening. Combating his wanderlust is difficult so he coped by walking in the woods, often getting lost unless he's accompanied (which is a rule Henry immediately sets up). The most he does at first is to sleep all day and walk all night. Once he gains more of his self-control however, things begin to look up for him. It helps to have an emotional support dog that can keep up with him, as well as having people in his life that treat him like a person still. His little cartoon "child" also brings out the more tender side of his less lucid state of mind.

Allison Pendle - Like Susie she has little time to sit around and wallow. She has many responsibilities and as such is always busy. The only time she has to think and let herself cry is when she's in bed. Thankfully Tom is there for her, even if he can't talk anymore. Being held is enough for her though.

Thomas Connors - At first he's furious at being stuck as a mute cartoon wolf. He feels useless being unable to get a job and help provide for the cabin, and sitting around twiddling his thumbs was never something he liked doing. The only way he has to cope is helping Lacie figure out how to sort out Bertrum's situation, try to find a way to fix Norman's speaker and hearing, as well as keeping an eye on everyone when Allison and Susie leave to go into town. Running outside like an unbound dog alongside Buddy also helps. Freedom and exercise go well together in keeping him nice and active.

Shawn Flynn - He is incredibly frustrated about his size and lack of speech. He used to be a very loud and boisterous man, so being rendered a giant mute unable to convey his thoughts in a meaningful (albeit crude) manner makes him feel a bit isolated. His size also makes it difficult for him to get back into toy-making, but he'll be damned if he doesn't have at least one thing to do with his hands. Most of the time he spends hanging out with Grant who needs a little bit of supervision. He hopes his company helps the depressed mess his dearest friend has become.

Grant Cohen - There's a lot going on in his head, so most days are spent laying around just sleeping. He has very little motivation to do anything, and mostly only trusts Edvard (the Edgar clone that has a piece of his soul) and Shawn. His best days are spent reading or even listening to the radio. That's enough proof that he's unwell but at least coping in his own way. His is very slow progress, but still progress.

Buddy Lewek - He misses his family dearly, and it was hard having to accept he's never going to be a productive member of society, much less see the changes of a progressing civilization. Still Buddy is young. He finds things to busy himself with, enjoys being able to live free and without fear, and still practices his drawing with great gusto (even if he never quite gets Bendy's head right). He won't admit it but running wild like a rowdy pup is actually quite nice. He illustrates Susie's novels.

Abby Lambert - She was in very bad shape like Grant, depressed and suicidal, but was lucky enough to be reunited with her family early on. The occasional letter she sends shows she's doing well and getting better each time a new letter arrives. She feels a little bad that not everyone is as fortunate as her to have the support of their loved ones... Some don't have families to return to at all and that just doesn't sit right with her.

Bertrum Piedmont - Hates life a little less with each attempt Lacie makes at improving his living conditions. Being a stationary amusement park ride takes a toll on one's sanity, so it's normal that Bertrum is incredibly antisocial at first. Fortunately he's slowly warmed up to everyone as time goes on, and the one thing that bothers him is being unable to show his appreciation for the stubborn idiots who keep trying to help him. Inadequacy is a bitch to someone who's used to giving his all.

Lacie Benton - She's a living animatronic and she hates it, but now that she's not immobilized and that Tom built her a new arm, she can actually move on with her life and try to sort the real issues. Starting with Bertrum and Norman who definitely need a bit of refurbishing to live a better life. Surprisingly Bertrum is easier to sort out than Norman, who gets just a little too upset when she touches his speaker or wires...

Emma LaMonte - Like Jack and Abby she got lucky enough to go back to her family. Being as determined as she is, she also managed to regain her human form pretty quickly. Her perfectionist nature may have made her difficult most of the time, but now it's certainly worked in her favor. The one thing that she can't cope with is the memory of once having no legs to speak of... It chills her, the thought she'd never be able to dance again.

The Ink Demon - Binky needs to learn how to people and that in itself is already hard. Learning to cope with the monstrous things he did to everyone else is a whole new can of worms... Luckily the toons seem to like him a lot. It helps to not be cast aside. Henry also makes an effort to teach him as best he can, and show him the affection and understanding that Joey never did.

-

Joey Drew - Fled the country once he realized Henry broke the cycle. Can't deal with the fact he was wrong and that his life's work amounted to nothing, so he avoids dealing with it altogether. He's a wanted man, not by the law but by Henry's own righteous fury and desire for justice, as well as Linda's protective rage over her husband.

Wally Franks - He's the one that got away, so he carries a lot of survivor's guilt on his shoulders. Wishes he'd been able to help in the past, so once Henry contacts him for help finding everyone's families he jumps at the opportunity to do right by his old coworkers. He's the one who gets Norman a dog that wouldn't just flee from him, and he'll donate funds to keep the cabin afloat whenever things aren't doing so good. He visits a lot too.

Dot - She couldn't believe that the people she was sure as hell were dead actually survived Drew's madhouse of a studio. She had to pinch herself when she reunited with them however, because she wasn't expecting... Well... This... She feels responsible for Buddy being stuck as he is because she couldn't save him and instead saved herself. She's taken it upon herself to locate Joey and expose his monstrous actions.

Linda Stein - Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. This lady was not scorned by her husband, but she sure has a bone to pick with Mr. Drew. Luckily for her, Henry feels just as vindictive as she when it comes to Joey's obscene cruelty. Linda does her best to help everyone at the cabin, and gives her all in helping her husband through listening to the things he dare not tell his therapist... Needless to say she's heartbroken that her beloved had to go through two separate hells only to be expected to move on once he got out...

[a-n-conrad]

Fighting and Flirting (Bakugo x Reader)

Chapter 22: A Rescue Mission

[Summary: After you wake up in the hospital, it’s take for more of the regular class 1-A antics. This time, however, you don’t give anyone the option of not bringing you along]

Masterlist

The sound of beeping was the first thing that you notice. The next was the pressure of the bandages on your hands and around your torso. Then it was that only one of your eyes would open. The other was bandaged up, along with a good portion of your face. How long were you out?

“(Y/N)? Are you awake?” Shoto was sitting in the chair next to you. He must have been waiting for you. You must have been out long enough for him to be checked out and released.

“Fuck, why does breathing hurt?” You ask, as you take a breath in, causing a sharp pain in your chest.

“You broke three ribs, you have second-degree burns on your hands, a third-degree burn on your face, and a sprained wrist,” Shoto lists to you. Apparently he had hounded the doctors until they told him, “I’d guess the pain is from the broken ribs.”

“How did I break my ribs? I didn’t even get hit there?”

“My guess is that it’s from that weird scream you did. The one the threw me into a tree. Do you even remember that?”

“Um, vaguely, I guess. I thought that was a dream.”

“I wish it was. Seriously, that hurt.”

“Sorry about that, Sho.”

“You were out for a few hours, by the way. I called your parents and they told the doctor that I'd take there place instead. They’re still on their trip, and I guess they’re extending it a bit, too.”

“Of course they are.”

“They still have Bakugo, (Y/n).”

You knew that. Though you’d be lying if you side that you hadn’t hoped that was a nightmare, “I figured.”

“Ragdoll is missing too. And Jirou and Hagakure haven’t woken up yet. And Deku’s a few rooms away. Yoayarozu woke up about two hours ago. And she told the police and All Might about a tracker she put on one of the villains.”

“A tracker?”

“Kirishima and I were talking. We want to try to convince Yoayarozu and Deku to help us on a rescue mission.”

A rescue mission. A chance to make up for your failure. And to get Katsuki back. Had they hurt him? What would they do if he said no to their attempts to turn him into a villain? Would they torture him? Or just kill him?

“I want in,” You say.

“No, (Y/n),” He replied in an instant. Like he was expecting you to say that. Maybe he was, “Do you have any idea how bad of shape you’re in? And you literally just discovered a new part of your quirk, and it broke your ribs and knocked you out. You need to rest. I just told you about it, because I know you’d worry if I didn’t.”

“Deku’s in worse shape!”

“Deku doesn’t have bandages all over his face! You really think you can do a stealth mission like that?”

“I can make it look like I don’t! I’d be the best person to bring on a stealth mission! I have built-in disguises!”

“She’s right, dude,” You hear a voice interrupt. Kirishima was standing in the doorway, with a few of you other classmates. The looks on their faces made it seem like they weren’t very comfortable with the conversation, so you assumed they had all turned down the rescue mission already, “She’d be a good person to bring along.”

You told the rest of your classmates to go visit Deku for now. You were sure he’d be waiting up soon, and he could use some company too. Meanwhile, you continued to bicker with Shoto, with Kirishima backing you up the entire time.

“I heard what happened after he was taken, man,” Kirishima says, snapping at Shoto a little, “She needs to be able to help him.”

He was right. And you could tell that Shoto saw that, too, though he was reluctant to admit it.

“Fine,” He finally relented, “Meet us outside tonight. We’ve gotta go see if Deku is awake yet, and we’ll try to convince him.”

- - - - -

They had managed to convince Deku, though the rest of your classmates apparently fought back a little. Tsu even mentioned that if you went to rescue him without permission, you’d be no better than the villains. You weren’t really sure if you were anyway. Compress was right when he said that you wanted to kill him. In that moment you did. And if you ever ran into to Tomura Shagaraki, you couldn’t promise you wouldn’t feel the same, then, too.

It didn’t matter at that moment, though. You were going to save Katsuki, and anything else could be dealt with after that. Besides, if Shoto and Deku were on your side, you were sure everything would work out fine.

You were discharged from the hospital that night. They had one of their doctors with a healing quirk heal your injuries for the most part. Your ribs were alright as long as you didn’t hit them too hard, the burns on your hands were mostly healed aside from a bit of raw skin and your sprained wrist was completely healed. The only thing that wasn’t healed was your face. And as far as the doctors know, it probably won’t heal entirely. You’ll likely have a pretty bad scar on your face forever.

Deku was the first one there after you. He seemed a bit surprised to see you, though you saw him understand why just as he did. Though, that didn’t stop him from expressing his surprise, “I honestly didn’t expect Todoroki to let you come along.”

“He wasn’t exactly keen on the idea, but I didn’t give him much of a choice. Kirishima helped with the convincing too,” You replied.

He opened his mouth like he wanted to say something, before closing it again. It’s obvious he thought he’d hurt you but as you raised your eyebrows at him, he got the message to just say it, “Is your face going to be okay? It looked pretty bad.”

“No,” you sighed, “Not really. Chances are I’m going to have a pretty nasty scar.”

“I’m sorry.”

“About what?”

“I’m the one that brought you along to that fight. That’s why you got hurt.”

“Not really, Deku,” You laughed a little, “I insisted on coming, just like I’m doing now. If I get hurt, it’s on me. And right now, we need to Katsuki back.”

“I guess you’re right.”

“Of course she’s right,” Kirishima says, as he arrives with Shoto, “She’s her own person who makes her own choices. And she can stand up for herself. If she wanted someone to baby her, she wouldn’t be at UA.”

“Besides, as much as I try to keep her out of trouble, she only seems to find new ways to get into it,” Shoto sighs. As much as he didn’t want you to go on this mission, you could tell that he had accepted that there was no way of stopping you.

“Stop,” you hear, just as Momo arrives to give you your tracker. The stern voice is pretty familiar to you, so you don’t jump, unlike Momo, who was on edge, “I can’t allow this.”

You can tell that he was planning on launching into a speech. And normally you would’ve just sat through it. Too bad for Iida that you weren’t exactly in the mood to hear it. “Shut up, Iida. If you’re so goddamn worried about us doing something stupid, come with.”

Everyone froze and stared at you as though you were a ghost. And you weren’t exactly done rambling either.

“They took Katsuki, they fucked up my face, and they’re trying to kill All might. I’m not just going to sit by while they do whatever the hell they want until the heroes step in.”

Shoto sighed, “Iida, she’s not going to give up. Either you let us leave or you come with.”

It seemed as though Iida was pretty caught off guard. You knew why. You were sure he had a whole speech prepared, and you interrupting him through him off a bit. He recovered relatively quickly, though, “What kind of a class president would I be if I allowed you to do something like this on your own. I’m coming with.”

“Good.” With that you left, following the tracker that Momo had made to hopefully find where they were keeping Katsuki.

- - - - -

FROM HIS PERSPECTIVE

Bakugo was getting a little annoyed at the rambling of the idiot in front of him. They were making Aizawa apologize for him getting kidnapped on television, and Shigaraki had apparently decided that they should all watch. And his yammering about how “unjust” hero society is was really getting on Bakugo’s nerves.

Though, to be honest, Bakugo was more focused on the black-haired man. The one who was there when he was taken. The one who burned (Y/n). He couldn’t help but wonder if she was ok. That burn on her face looked pretty bad, and he had no idea how long it took for her to be rescued after he was taken. He felt guilty for being the reason she was hurt, but he also felt angry at the man who had hurt her. But he needed to focus on finding a way to escape.

“You see,” It seemed as though Shigaraki was reaching the end of his monologue, “We’re fighting for a just world. And we’d like for you to join us.”

He ordered the man, Dabi, to free him. It took just about all of his self-control not to fry the guy while he was only halfway through releasing him, but eventually he was free. But he knew that he couldn’t attack Dabi. It wouldn’t do as much. 

With a breath, he launched an attack at Shigaraki.

- - - - -

When you reached the distinct you were supposed to be in, you figured out pretty quickly that you’d all stand out the way you were. Momo suggested that you go buy disguises, though you reminded her that either she could make them or you could make the illusions of some. Shopping was a waste of time, and you weren’t exactly in the mood to running around on a shopping trip. This wasn’t a vacation, it was a rescue mission.

So you quickly put illusions over you, Shoto, Kirishima, and Deku, while Momo made disguises for her and Iida before you continued on your way to where the tracker was pointing you.

It took a while, but eventually, you found where you were going. It was only when you looked past the wall that you saw exactly what was going on.

The heroes had obviously gotten there before you. You saw Best Jeanist, and you were sure he’d be disappointed if he saw you. But instead, you watched as he fought a man you had never seen before. He obviously wasn’t with the league when they attacked. You would’ve remembered his face. Or at least, his lack of a face.

You watch in horror as the hero you interned under was impaled by the strange, faceless man. Something was off about him, but you couldn’t focus on that. Katsuki was nowhere in sight. At least, for a moment.

You were even more terrified when you watched as Katsuki appeared out of nowhere. You really hated how often these villains could just teleport people wherever they wanted. It was starting to piss you off.

Along with the appearance of Katsuki, was the rest of the League that was there when he was kidnapped. And soon after that, came All Might. There was no clear way in and no clear way out for Katsuki. You could tell he was looking for one. This was the most control you’ve seen him have in a while.

You watch as All Might attempts to attack the faceless villain. You expected it to be a somewhat easy fight, only to be surprised when it’s not. All Might seems to be pulling his punches a little, and as you watch his face, you figure out why. He’s watching Katsuki. He’s trying to make sure that Katsuki doesn’t get hurt.

The faceless man gave an order. You couldn’t hear what it was, but as Kurogiri, who was currently unconscious, was forced to open a portal, you made a guess. And as the villains from the league started to corner Katsuki, your guess was confirmed.

“Shit, we have to figure out how to get him out of there before they drag him through that portal,” You whisper to the others.

“Yeah, but how?” Deku asked, he was obviously trying to think of a plan, but it was taking him a little while. You couldn’t blame him either. It was a hard problem to figure out.

“All Might can’t fight with him still there,” You whisper, “We have to figure something out before one of them dies. I just wish there was a way for us to work it out with Katsuki. And even if Deku manages to get in there somehow, I doubt he’s going to get Katsuki to listen.”

“Oh!” Deku obviously had an idea, “He may not listen to me, but he will listen to you.”

Deku explained his plan. He and Iida would launch you and the two of them into the air. You would call Katsuki, who would launch himself into the air as well, and the three of you would pull him to safety. With that, All Might would be able to fight and you’d hopefully be able to get everyone to somewhere that the villains couldn’t attack.

You agreed. It was reckless and dumb and might get you killed, but it was better than standing around. And you had already come so far. You needed to rescue Katsuki. 

Launching into the air with Iida and Deku grabbing you was a very strange feeling. The feeling of your feet dangling in the air usually would have made you anxious, but you were too focused to really feel the anxiety. It was like when you were fighting in the forest. You were too focused to feel anything for real.

You notice the faceless man turn a bit towards you. You can tell he notices you. He looks as though he’s about to attack, only to stop as All Might attacks him. All Might sees you, and you aren’t quite sure how he’d feel about your rescue plan. But he gave you enough of an opening for it to work.

Before you know it, you’re in just the right position for you to put your plan into action. You shout for Katsuki, and he turns, immediately boosting himself into the air. You can tell he looks a little annoyed at the rescue, but as he reaches you, and as you grab him, you can’t help but feel so relieved.

- - - - -

Your landing was a little rough. In fact, you’re pretty sure that one of your mostly healed ribs cracked again. And you let down all of your illusions. There was no way for you to keep focused after you hit the ground. 

“Jesus fucking christ, I expect stupid shit like this from Deku, but what the hell are you doing out here, (Y/N)?” Katsuki snapped when you landed. You’d normally snap back, but you couldn’t stop crying. “Oh shit.”

Katsuki looked frantic like he didn’t know what to say, and all you could do was grab him. Hugging him and grabbing the fabric of his shirt with a death grip was the only way that you could convince yourself that he was actually there. 

“Hey, hey, (Y/N),” His voice was soft again. You were honestly so scared that you’d never hear that soft voice again that you started crying, “I’m right here, sunshine.”

Taglist: @ohnosiren @thatpersonwithissues @winchester-wifey

[A/N: Seriously, thank you so much for understanding my need to take a break for a little. I get really attached to pets, so this weekend has been rough. And I’m sorry if this chapter is a little sloppy.]

[ploppythespaceship]

In Defense of Will Riker

Riker gets such an unfair reputation in the Star Trek fandom. So many people genuinely can’t stand the guy, which is their right. He can be a somewhat boring character with a strange and even nonexistent character arc. But a lot of this dislike stems from the idea that Riker is a sexist, misogynistic creep who is actively trying to get into the pants of every woman he meets. Which is so far from the truth, I don’t understand how it’s still the perception.

First of all, we’ve done this song and dance with Kirk before. Enjoying dating and sex does not make someone a creep. If everyone involved is a consenting adult, it shouldn’t matter who you’re dating and/or sleeping with.

Secondly, TNG goes out of its way to show that Riker is a great guy. If you actually go through his episodes and look at how he treats both the women he works with and the women he’s interested in, you’ll see that he always treats them with respect. And in instances where he has an easy opportunity to take advantage, he never does it. Because Will Riker is a gentleman who drinks his respect women juice.

I’m so sick of this argument that under the cut I’ve compiled all of Riker’s important relationships with women on the show to demonstrate exactly what I mean.

I pulled most of these from the relationships section of Riker’s Memory-Alpha page, which is pretty thorough, and a few just from memory since I rewatched the whole show pretty recently. I don’t think anything relevant has been left out, but feel free to let me know if you think of something else. I’m all for some civil discussion of these things! Emphasis on civil.

Deanna Troi

Starting with the big one! The very first episode establishes that they have a romantic history, and have since split up. The details of their relationship are pretty scarce, but it’s clear that they had an intense, intimate connection. Initially they’re awkward but professional around one another, and this eventually softens into genuine friendship. They are close, possibly closer than anyone else on the ship. But Will never, not once, pressures Deanna into romance with him. He is entirely respectful towards her. In a few episodes they’re possibly shown to be dating again (it’s unclear) but Deanna gives no indication of being uncomfortable with this arrangement. When they officially get back together in the films, their feelings are clearly mutual and neither is being pressured into anything.

Frankly, Will and Deanna are an excellent example of a healthy relationship with one’s ex, respecting boundaries while maintaining closeness. The two of them are always shown supporting each other. It always bugs me that people think there’s something insidious going on here. Will isn’t just trying to get back into her pants. He genuinely loves and respects her.

And it’s worth mentioning that in “Second Chances”, when Deanna is interested in dating the alternate version of him (later known as Thomas), Will clearly isn’t thrilled about it, but also respects her decision and does nothing to intervene. When she talks to him about it, he is very clear that he does not expect her to ask for his opinion or for his approval, and that as long as she’s happy, he supports her.

Tasha Yar

Frankly they don’t have many distinct interactions that I recall, but Riker treats her the same as he treats everyone else on the crew. He is respectful of her, her rank, and her position.

Beverly Crusher

Not a hint of romance in their relationship. They are friends with a healthy connection built on mutual trust. Again, he is respectful of her, her rank, and her position.

Kathryn Pulaski

You can copy paste everything I said about Crusher, tbh. They’re friends and quite respectful of one another. Nothing untoward happening here.

Lwaxana Troi

Lwaxana flirts with Riker sometimes. Cause she flirts with everyone. Though she leaves him alone a bit more since he’s involved with her daughter. And yet again, Riker is entirely respectful of her, though he does gently have to tell her to back off at times. Eventually they settle into the classic son-in-law / mother-in-law relationship.

Beata (“Angel One”)

Does this episode suck? Yep. Is this relationship awkward as hell? God, yes. Is Riker being misogynistic? Nope! He actually goes out of his way to be respectful of this matriarchal society’s customs, even wearing an outfit that many in his culture would consider demeaning. Not to mention, Beata is primarily the one coming onto him, not the other way around. He’s simply reciprocating. It might be poor judgment, but it’s again entirely mutual and consensual.

Minuet (“11001001″)

Riker goes into the holodeck to relax, and then meets a nice holograhic lady to help him do just that... and people get mad that he enjoys that? Minuet is programmed specifically for this. Not to mention the Bynars literally designed her to be irresistible for him. Of course he’s gonna be besotted with her. And, issues of hologram sentience aside (Trek hadn’t delved too deelpy into it by that point), this is once again entirely consensual.

Minuet does pop up again in “Future Imperfect”, sort of, simply because Barash needed to choose a figure to serve as Riker’s late wife. With someone unable to distinguish holodeck memories from real ones, Minuet would seem like a perfectly reasonable choice.

Brenna Odell (“Up the Long Ladder”)

This is an entirely consensual one night stand. The feelings are clearly mutual. Even while they’re bickering, it’s obvious there’s an attraction underneath it, on both sides. Again, their fling might be poor judgment, but absolutely not misogyny.

Yuta (“The Vengeance Factor”)

This is one of the few episodes where I can see why their relationship might make some viewers uncomfortable, but I also think it’s the most telling as to why Riker is not the creep people assume him to be.

The cultural and status differences between them place Riker at a clear power advantage compared to Yuta, which makes for an imbalance. Yuta is a servant, and her entire mindset is that of serving others. Having a relationship on equal footing with someone like Riker is entirely foreign to her, and she struggles against her instincts to follow all of his wishes without question. That being said, Riker does basically everything he possibly can to address and negate that imbalance. He does his utmost to respect her and her position. He doesn’t force her into anything she isn’t ready for. Any time she tries to fill the role of a servant for him, he stops her to explain that he wants her to be his equal. You could argue that this relationship is inappropriate regardless, because the power imbalance still exists whether he wishes it to or not, but I think it’s important to note how dedicated he is to not taking advantage of this girl.

And of course, at the end of the episode he is forced to choose duty over love and must kill her, but it’s hardly his fault that she’s a secret assassin.

Lal (“The Offspring”)

He flirted with her while unaware of who she was, and stopped immediately upon realizing. And she kissed him, not the other way around. Just look at his face! He clearly didn’t expect that. He did absolutely nothing wrong here. Using this brief scene against his character is just absurd.

Commander Shelby (“The Best of Both Worlds”)

For some reason the consensus in this episode is that Riker is rude to Shelby because she doesn’t want to sleep with him. And that’s just a complete and utter misread of the episode.

First, there is absolutely no indication that Riker is romantically interested in her. Nor does she does not reject his advances, because no advances are even made. Second, Riker gets short with Shelby at times because she has been assigned to work under his command, and she’s questioning his decisions and generally being difficult to work with. It’s literally his job to call people on things like that. That being said, he’s never particularly rude to her -- at least, no more rude than she is to him. They also grow into mutual respect by the end of the episodes, to the point where he trusts her to serve as his first officer.

Lanel (“First Contact”)

( TW: rape mention )

Quite frankly the next person to point to this episode as evidence of Riker’s misogyny is getting slapped. She. Raped. Him. Full stop. He needed to escape, she offered to help if he slept with her, and he agreed because at the time it was the only way to save his life. Consent under duress is not consent. He does not appear comfortable with the arrangement, and his joking afterwards is forced. So let’s just stop holding this episode up as proof of Riker’s sexism, mkay? He was undeniably the victim here.

Carmen Davila (“Silicon Avatar”)

There’s not much to glean from their brief interaction where Riker asks her to dinner, but again: feelings are mutual. Everyone’s consenting. Nothing untoward happening here. Besides, she’s killed not five minutes into the episode, so it doesn’t particularly matter.

Etana Jol (“The Game”)

Riker’s having a fling with her on Risa. Because that’s what you do on Risa. You go vacation and have fun, and if you so choose, you can find someone else there wanting to have fun. And you have some sexy fun together. That’s just how it goes on Risa.

Also, she’s revealed to be playing him and literally brainwashes him to access the Enterprise. So the situation is not entirely within his control. Again, let’s not blame the victim here.

Ro Laren

There’s clearly sexual tension between them in some episodes, which mostly comes across as bickering. Riker is sharp with her when he needs to be, as a commander, but also tells her when she’s done a good job. The only time they sleep together is in “Conundrum”, when all their memories are erased. Therefore they’re unaware of the context that a romantic relationship isn’t entirely appropriate. When they remember again, they are awkward but respectful of one another, and now have a stronger friendship for it. And I’ll say it for the umpteenth time: mutual and consensual.

Soren (“The Outcast”)

This episode is controversial as hell, and it’s always a tricky one to dive into. But as far as Riker’s relationship with Soren is concerned: there’s honestly nothing bad happening here. He is respectful of her culture and is impressed by her as a pilot and scientist. Though he clearly has feelings for her, it’s unclear if he would have been the first to pursue them, because she confesses hers for him first. Before then, he was entirely professional with her. Only when their mutual attraction is confirmed does Riker actually pursue a relationship with her.

(Side note, that conversation is also when she comes out to him as female.(Yes, Riker was attracted to her before knowing she was female! At the time he believed her to be androgynous/non-binary. Which makes him canonically not straight.)

Additionally he is 100% respectful of her gender -- one of the only people to do that, in fact -- and does what he can both to respect her culture while also supporting her and her journey. He’s genuinely gutted when she’s forced to conform to the expected gender of her society, and isn’t allowed to be who she truly is.

Don’t get me wrong, this episode is a hot mess in many other aspects, but Riker’s treatment of Soren is one of the few things it got right.

Kamala (“The Perfect Mate”)

Is this episode super uncomfy with an almost laughably sexist plot? Oh yeah. But can we blame Riker for anything? Not really. Kamala can read men to make herself everything they desire -- the perfect mate, as the episode’s title says. Naturally this extends to her scenes with Riker as well. She flirts with him, comes onto him, and he’s clearly very into it. They kiss briefly, he’s tempted -- and then he stops her, because he knows this isn’t appropriate and she’s promised to someone else.

Let me say that again: Riker has a perfectly willing woman in front of him, who is literally doing everything in her power to be as appealing to him as possible. She is right there for him to have if he wants. Which he does. And he still tells her no, to keep a clear professional boundary between them. It would have been so easy to take advantage of that and later say she was too irresistible. Yet he didn’t.

Amanda Rogers (“True Q”)

Amanda is a young girl, 18 at the oldest, when she arrives aboard the Enterprise. She’s pretty enamored with Riker, cause she’s a kid who doesn’t have a great sense of what’s healthy/appropriate and what’s not yet. Riker is very aware of this, and does absolutely nothing to encourage her. He sets boundaries where appropriate and is obviously just waiting for her crush to die down, so he doesn’t have to hurt her feelings. When Amanda really starts to make moves on him, he very clearly tells her no. She actually starts to force him to play out her romantic fantasies using her Q powers, though she stops when she realizes it’s not real and isn’t right. Riker does nothing wrong in this episode.

Rebecca Smith (“Genesis”)

There’s nothing to go on here except that they had a date in the holodeck. Everything seems on the up and up. She’s not even shown onscreen, just mentioned in a couple lines of dialogue. I’m just including her for the sake of being thorough.

tl;dr

All of Riker’s relationships are either entirely consensual, or non-consensual with him as the victim. In several situations he could easily have taken advantage of someone, but never does, instead choosing to set clear boundaries. I have been thinking and scouring through Memory-Alpha and I genuinely cannot find a single instance in which he behaved in a sexist or misogynistic manner. That isn’t to say it never happened, I certainly can’t remember every moment of a seven season show. But it’s hardly a defining character trait for him the way many seem to think.

There are plenty of other reasons to dislike Riker. He can be immature. He rather stupidly stays in the same position for a decade because he can’t be bothered to take his own command the way he should. He can be a bit dull as a main character. The way he gets into chairs looks very stupid. But he is not sexist or a creep. *drops microphone*

[douchebagbrainwaves]

HERE'S WHAT I JUST REALIZED ABOUT CHALLENGE

This is not just a machine. Even then I took embarrassingly long to catch on. But I think that's ok. It's an excuse to work on boring things, even if they wanted to do things that make you stupid, and if they don't go into research.1 Why don't more people start startups. But how do you become one? What super-angels and VCs. So starting a startup and failed over someone who'd spent the same time working at a big company.2 In America, companies, like practically everything else, are disposable. So why do so many founders build things no one wants to do it may be best to go for brevity. Facebook seemed a good idea to understand what's happening when you do have kids.3

If you learn to ignore injuries you can at least avoid the second half. But if you're looking for companies that hope to win by writing great software.4 For the average startup, that would explain why they'd care about valuations.5 The other way to tell an adult is by how they react to a challenge. A nerd looks at that deal and sees only: pay a fortune for a small, dark, noisy apartment. A high-frequency trader does not. US are auto workers, New York is incomparable.6 But airports are not so harmless.7 There is no absolute standard for material wealth. This is about cities, not countries.

The reason he and most other startup founders are richer than they would have made working 9 to 5 at a big company. So maybe hacking does require some special ability to focus. If accelerating variation in productivity increases with technology, then the idea will fit in the user's head too. The other is that, in a hits-driven business, is that they're the same. The mere prospect of being interrupted is enough to prevent hackers from working on their startup for a whole year before being squashed by Google Calendar. The other way to tell an adult is by how they react to a challenge from an adult in a way people will increasingly be.8 I was walking along the street in Cambridge, and in practice they are usually interchangeable. I thought were the 5 most interesting startup founders of the last 30 years. Design is not just that it makes trade work. When Rajat Suri of E la Carte decided to write software for restaurants, he got out one of the founders of Sun.9 Finally at the end of this long process the VCs might still say no.10 Not just because it's better, but the pain of having this stupid controversy constantly reintroduced as the top one in your mind.11

The iPhone isn't so much a phone as a replacement for a phone.12 San Francisco, or Boston, or New York, where people walk around smiling. It felt as if someone had flipped on a light switch inside my head. They're willing to let you work so hard that you endanger your health. That's because, unlike novelists, hackers collaborate on projects. Someone with ordinary tastes would find it hard to come up with the numbers. Even now the image of a very ambitious German presses a button or two, doesn't it? Northern Italy in 1100, off still feudal. If you don't have to look at. Whereas if the speaker were still operating on the Daddy Model, and saw wealth as something that flowed from a common source and had to be built on NT. There is a large, existing population of stodgy people. Seriously, though, that there are going to get till the last minute.

As the CEO of a large public company makes about 100 times as productive as an ordinary one, but a leading indicator. Several of the most successful startup founders are often technical people who are great at something are not so much the day to day management. To me she seems the best novelist of all time. What nerds like is the kind of problems are those? You'd think it would be such a great thing never to be wrong that everyone would do this. So there is obviously not a fixed pie that's shared out, like an introductory textbook. I've rarely had a neat answer to it. A startup is not to try to think of startup ideas. There are now a few VC firms outside the US. The chance of getting rejected after the full partner meeting averages about 25%.13

Notes

This is true of nationality and religion as well. Some VCs seem to be free to work than stay home with them. To a kid and as a cause as it was overvalued till you run through all the page-generating templates are still called the executive model. Philosophy is like math's ne'er-do-well brother.

To get a lot more frightening in those days, but getting rich, purely mercenary founders will usually take one of the next one will be near-spams that you should push back on the grounds that a their applicants come from meditating in an equity round. In many ways the New Deal was a test of intelligence. One YC founder wrote after reading a draft, Sam Rayburn and Lyndon Johnson.

Did you know about a week for 4 years. The facts about Apple's early history are from an interview. That's the best are Goodwin Procter, Wilmer Hale, and tax rates, which shows how unimportant the Arpanet which became the Internet. I'm not dissing these people.

For example, because despite some progress in the former, and also really good at design, or because they are so dull and artificial that by the government. Part of the biggest successes there is no longer working to help the company goes public. Though most founders start out excited about the subterfuges they had that we didn't do. As always, tax loopholes defended by two of the web have sucked—e.

43. Microsoft, would increase the spammers' cost to reach a given audience by a factor of 20.

The solution for this essay, I advised avoiding Javascript. Often as not the distinction between them generate a lot of people who interrupt you. Proceedings of AAAI-98 Workshop on Learning for Text Categorization.

There is no richer if it's dismissed, it's probably a mistake to do better. 99,—e. In the thirties his support of the Fabian Society, it is certainly more efficient, it inevitably turns into incantation. Most don't try to raise five million dollars in liquid assets are assumed to be obscure; they just don't make wealth a zero-sum game.

Strictly speaking it's not uncommon for startups is a self fulfilling prophecy. One thing that drives most people come to writing essays is to protect widows and orphans from crooked investment schemes; people with a sufficiently identifiable style, you can, Jeff Byun mentions one reason not to say for sure a social network for pet owners is a bad idea, period. Is this unfair? You may be some part you can ask us who's who; otherwise you may have to find out why investors who turned them down.

That's because the first year or so and we don't have enough equity left to motivate people by saying Real artists ship. That's why the series AA terms and write them a check. At the moment; if there were 5 more I didn't realize it till I started doing research for this at YC I find I never watch movies in theaters anymore.

The latter type is the proper test of intelligence. If you have to do others chose Marx or Cardinal Newman, and tax rates have had a day job is one of the paths people take through life, the rest have mostly raised money at all. The Civil Service Examinations of Imperial China, Yale University Press, 1983.

Thought experiment: set aside for this essay began by talking about art.

Applying for a startup is taking the Facebook/Twitter route and building something for a CEO to make money from existing customers. Instead of bubbling up from the study. Unfortunately, not lowercase.

It wouldn't pay. This is one of the bizarre consequences of this essay talks about the team or their determination and disarmingly asking the right question, which would cause other problems. That's the difference between surgeons and internists fleas: I wouldn't say that YC's most successful ones tend not to quit their day job is one subtle danger you have 8 months of runway or less, is he going to do sales yourself initially.

[s13e06]

Until the Moment I Die

Draco Malfoy / Female Reader

Harry Potter AU

Summary: “I’ll continue to love you every year from now, until the moment I die… and even after that”

Warnings: mentions of bullying, blood, death, and other unpleasant things.

Words: 10.1K

-

You remembered it clearly. The first time you had met him.

It had been your first year at Hogwarts and although you were excited, a deep anxious feeling was settled into your gut. Being muggle-born meant that everything you were seeing was new to you. Every enchantment, ghost, and moving staircase. Every day at the castle was thrilling in its own way.

Despite entering a world full of wonder that you had never known before, not all was peachy. You quickly learned that like any society the wizarding world had its own separation of classes. As quickly as you had learned of it, you fell victim to an endless barrage of criticism and insults. Apparently in this world being a muggle-born witch or wizard was the worst crime you could unknowingly commit.

Just as you had found yourself diving deep into the wonders of this world you were roughly dragged to the surface and reminded of a place you never knew you held.

The bullying at school wasn’t as bad as it could be, you supposed. It mostly consisted of petty insults and shoulder jabs in the hallway. Anything that they could do to rile you really. Your tormentors ranged from various boys and girls in your year, some even being from the years above. Typically they were those of the Slytherin house but it didn’t matter to you, people were cruel because that’s how they were raised to be. Not because of what house they were in; that aspect simply served as an excuse for cruel behavior and a justification for the other houses to hate them in particular.

It was a ridiculous thought though… to simply stand by and let these people treat you like human trash. Over something that you couldn’t even help. You decided rather early in your first year that you wouldn’t let yourself be their victim.

This particular day, however, the tormenting had been quite persistent. You were simply trying to make your way to your Potions class on time but a group of second-year snobs was making it a difficult task.

“Hey, there filthy mud blood” one of them called to you with a sneer. “Where are you headed to in such a hurry?” they asked while pushing you into a wall.

Two of them cornered you while the other stood behind them throwing insult after insult.

You only glared at them as they pathetically attempted to slander you. The whole act was growing rather boring and deciding that you had better places to be than listen to them ramble on, you pushed yourself past them.

Saying nothing as you barreled forward in anger you heard their quick footsteps rush up to you.

“Where do you think you’re going?” They called after you, slightly out of breath from trying to keep up.

“Anywhere where you lot of idiots aren’t” you growled angrily back at them.

You were sick of them and sick of this game. You didn’t have time for their foolishness.

Turning corner after corner in an effort to lose them you finally found yourself nearing the dungeons and the trio of dickheads were finally off your tail.

Luckily you still had a few minutes to get to potions class; due to the fact that you pretty much jogged the whole way there.

Your eyes were fixated on the ground as you slowly made your way down the steps. You were so lost in thought that you didn’t even notice the sound of someone else coming down the stairs until they knocked into you. Then the next thing you knew instead of seeing your feet you were looking up at the ceiling.

Realizing that you had just tumbled down the stairs you felt a rush of embarrassment course through you. Luckily you were almost at the bottom so it was unlikely you’d be hurt aside from a little bruising.

A little dazed but mostly just fearful of how many people watched you fly down the stairs, you stood up and glanced around.

There standing at the bottom of the stairs was someone you knew. You didn’t know him personally but you knew what he looked like and the reputation that he held.

It was Draco Malfoy. He was a second-year that you had heard plenty about. Even though you had only been at Hogwarts for a few months you found that news and rumors traveled fast. You heard people in your year whisper stories about him as he passed in the hallway and none of it was ever good.

He was staring at you with a shocked look on his face as his eyes slowly scanned your disheveled appearance up and down.

It didn’t take long for you to realize that he was the reason you fell considering there was no one else in the hallway aside from the two of you.

You knew what this was. What exactly was going on. He was notorious for bullying any muggle-born witch and wizard. Always boasting about his own pureblood status and his Slytherin house. Even though you were a first-year it wouldn’t surprise you if he knew who you were simply from word of mouth. The twats around here must have kept a list of all the people they deemed worth picking on.

There was no way you were going to let this pompous little shit get the better of you. Not here, not now, and not ever.

Glaring at him with the angriest look you could muster, you stepped towards him; feet stomping heavily on the ground. The look on his face was almost comical as it seemed he didn’t even know what to say.

“Listen here you stuck up arse! I won’t just stand by and let you knock me around. I already get enough shit from your little pureblood cult friends or whatever” you told him while jabbing your finger dangerously close to his chest.

“So don’t ever come near me again or I’ll beat the piss out of you” you spat at him while bringing your hands to your hips.

You stood there in front of him for a moment more as his face twisted into utter disbelief. He just stared at you slack-jawed as you awaited a response from him.

“Whatever,” you told him as you turned and made your way to your potions class. You didn’t have time to deal with people like him.

 -

Halfway through your third year, it had happened... You realized that you liked him.

By your third year at Hogwarts, you had built a kind of reputation for not being messed with. You were never violent or intentionally rude to anyone, at least not to those who didn’t deserve it. No, in fact, you were only tough on those that bothered to give you a hard time. To everyone else you were kind, funny, and a reliable friend.

Life at Hogwarts was really coming together for you. You had your own group of friends, your studies were going well, and due to your tough nature, even the bullying had died down significantly.  

But despite your generally comfortable day to day life at the school. You also had a little bit of a secret…

You had made a sort of habit out of visiting the astronomy tower. It was usually late at night when you would venture out, always careful to avoid the prefects on patrol. The first time you went there it was simply to get some time to yourself. You wanted a place where you could be alone in your thoughts. Sometimes it felt good to just look out into the night and think freely.

This particular night you find yourself sitting alone in the tower feeling rather distressed. As tough as you were and as much as you tried. You couldn’t protect yourself entirely. Sometimes the harsh words and self-doubt would creep up on you. Making you wish that you could be back home… and on nights like these. You even wished deep down that you’d never left.

Looking out into the darkness you wondered what it would feel like to be a tree. The thought might sound silly at first, sure. But you thought that in a way it would be nice. Standing tall and firm. Leaves swaying in the wind as the world moved and burst with life around you. To see things change and develop as a mere watcher. Simply existing in silence, unbothered, and eternally peaceful.

Yes, it really was one of those nights that you just wanted to exist in silence.

“Oh… sorry. I didn’t think anyone would be here” you heard a voice speak from behind you.

Your heart raced at the sudden intrusion, scared totally shitless from someone sneaking up on you so quietly.

Whipping your head around to see who it was you were met with the image of the last person you expected to see.

It was Draco Malfoy, standing in front of you looking mildly annoyed in all his stuck up glory.

“Oh… it’s you” was all you responded with before rolling your eyes and turning back around.

As soon as you did so however you heard a rather distinct and nasty scoff come from behind you.

“What in the hell did I ever do to you?” He questioned.

A rush of irritation came over you as you took in the situation. Of course on the one night you wanted to be alone…

“Well, I don’t know… How about that time you pushed me down the stairs?” you shot back rhetorically.

It was silent for a moment… the air around you suddenly becoming cold and stiff.

“You know…” he spoke quieter now as you heard the sound of his footsteps approaching you. “I didn’t actually do that to you on purpose. You were just quick to accuse me”.

The scowl on your face instantly vanished as you processed his words. Was he really trying to tell you that he had never meant to push you? That it was an all accident? That he probably didn’t even know who you were but you had been quick to assume and cuss him out?

Suddenly… you felt quite ashamed.

“You really didn’t mean to?” you asked him, not daring to glance to your side where he now stood.

“No, not at all. In fact, I didn’t even have the slightest idea of who you were before that incident” he laughed a little. “But now I do... You’re Y/L/N, aren’t you? A muggle-born girl from what I hear. I suppose you weren’t entirely in the wrong to assume that I’d come after you”.

“I’m sorry for assuming you pushed me on purpose then. But… from the way I see it you probably would have tormented me eventually so at least I beat you to it,” you told him sternly.

He only hummed in response before you felt the way his eyes were studying the side of your face. You couldn’t see how this situation could possibly get more uncomfortable. But then… it did.

Before you could even blink Draco had sat down beside you. He still said nothing to you but you noticed how his gaze drifted out into the darkness just as you had been doing before.

“What are you doing here?” you asked him while shifting slightly to meet his eyes as they looked back at yours.

“I came up to think by myself. I have the right you know” he replied with an unreadable expression. “Besides, what are you doing here?” he questioned, mimicking your tone from earlier.

Frowning a little at his childish behavior you sighed before giving him his answer. “I also came up here to think.” You said while rolling your eyes at him. “By myself” you added.

He scowled at you then. Certainly not taking kindly to your attitude. Yet, he didn’t leave.

But then again… neither did you.

Several silent minutes passed as you both sat by each other looking out at the quiet grounds. The silence was uncomfortable but maybe it was better than talking, you thought. But just as you considered this his voice broke through the air.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked you rather quietly. From the corner of your eye, you could see that he was still looking ahead and not at you.

“Wondering what it would be like to be a tree” you admitted to him without much thought.

His body shifted to look at you then. You turned to face him as well as he gave you a very questioning look.

“Why on earth would you be wondering about such a thing?” he asked you in disbelief, although you could sense the slightest bit of amusement in his eyes.

“Well, wouldn’t it be kind of nice?” you asked him smiling a little bit at the look of bewilderment on his face.

“I don’t see how so,” he told you with a look that said you might be crazy.

“That’s alright… It’s just what I was thinking about” you replied, a little amused by the conversation.

You thought that maybe you should elaborate on what you meant. But his confusion was too amusing to pass up. How often would you get the opportunity to see this puzzled look on Draco Malfoy’s face? Usually, he’d only bother to express looks of disgust, anger, or cockiness. So, indeed, this was refreshing.

It was an odd thing though, this moment. Sat in the astronomy tower with the last person you’d imagine. Something else was strange too… as the moments passed you found that the feeling of being there with him wasn’t necessarily unpleasant.

A smile crept onto your face at the realization of it all… what a weird night.

After your encounter in the astronomy tower, it became a kind of unspoken habit that the two of you would find yourselves alone there in the middle of the night. Neither of you spoke about why you kept meeting nor did you question the other’s motive for being there.

But the strangest thing of all was that a sort of friendship had sparked between the two of you. Spending several hours a night chatting about this and that was actually quite a decent way to befriend someone. You didn’t think that either of you saw it coming but one night it was like you’d just found yourselves lost in conversation. Laughing and joking as though you’d been friends for years.

When you got to know him, Draco really wasn’t all that bad.

Under all those snide remarks and nasty glares was just another boy desperately seeking the approval of his family and his peers. He didn’t like to speak about it much, but you knew that deep down he was very lost… and maybe even a little bit lonely.

He’d often ramble to you about childhood stories, Quidditch fiascos, and the latest “Potter” rumors going around. Sometimes you actually found the way he got so worked up over trivial things… a little cute.

Then, one night as you both sat down looking out into the night you asked him something you’d often wondered.

“Hey, Malfoy… when you look out into the night… at times like these” you began while turning to face him. “What is it that you’re thinking about?” you asked while slightly leaning towards him to hear his response.

He blinked once, then raised an eyebrow as he glanced from you to the vast darkness spreading as far as the eye could see.

“I suppose… when I look at it now… I feel grateful to be here with you. Instead of looking at it alone… feeling as though the darkness is all around me” he whispered to you.

It was then, as you absorbed his words that you realized something far greater than you’d ever learned before. A truth much more intense than whatever lies out in the never-ending darkness.

You liked Draco… and it was much more than some silly little infatuation. You were sure that you very genuinely fancied him and in a way… that scared you.

“I’m glad to be here with you as well,” you told him while forcing a smile onto your uneasy face.

Some things may have been better left unsaid. At least, for now.

 -

When you were in your sixth year you finally made the confession you’d been holding onto for the last three years and to your surprise… he said it back.

You just wished more than anything… it could have been under better circumstances.

By the time you were in your fifth year, you had spent the last two years with Draco becoming quite the inseparable pair. To most, you made the most unusual pair of friends. You weren’t sure if it was because he was a Slytherin or because he was Draco Malfoy. Most likely both. But, it didn’t matter, because no one had to understand, and neither of you felt like explaining it.

You supported each other, confided in one another, and always trusted that the other would be there when it was most important.

That’s why when things started to change, you noticed immediately.

Draco had come back different… He wouldn’t tell you what was wrong or if anything had happened. He wouldn’t chat with you long after class or meet with you in the courtyard anymore. He was distancing himself to the point it was worrying you.

Eventually, you noticed him changing physically. He was getting paler, thinner, and any sign of life in his silver eyes seemed to have vanished altogether.

Despite all this, every night you would wait in the astronomy tower. Because even though he was ignoring you, refusing your help, and avoiding eye contact. You still held hope that one night he would show up.

But he never did.

This pattern continued for longer than you could even recall. The days melted into weeks which fused with the months. Time seemed to be whizzing by around you and all the while it was like you couldn’t even breathe.

By this point, you hadn’t spoken to Draco in what felt like years. He looked physically terrible and you could tell by his attitude that his mental health was far from better. Whatever he was dealing with was worse than you initially thought. Your mind raced with all the possibilities of what it could be. But of course, you never found an answer.

Then one day it was like your worst fears had been realized.

The scene before you was so shocking that you were sure parts of it had been blocked from your mind, just to save even apiece of the heartache.

Draco was there. Looking more dead than alive as blood seeped through the front of his white dress shirt. Snape was there too, seeming taking control over whatever had happened as you saw him quickly whisk Draco away to the hospital wing.

You don’t know how long you stood there. It was as if time had completely frozen still. From the moment you saw them coming down the hallway, it was like your feet had turned to stone. All you could do was replay the image you had just seen over and over in your head.

A lot of emotions overcame you at that time. The first was shock. Shock at what you had seen and heard around you in that quick moment. The second was confusion. The questions were flying through your mind. What had happened? Who had done this? Why? Was he okay? Then the third and final emotion… was fear.

A sick twisting pain tore through your gut as the severity of the situation dawned on you and although it scared you more than anything… a thought crossed your mind. Was he even alive?

Before you had time to think about what that meant your feet were already carrying you to the hospital wing as fast as they could. Not caring about anyone or anything else in that moment.

When you had reached the hospital wing you were out of breath and panting frantically. Partially from running but mostly because I kind of terrifying panic had started to overcome you.

You must have been louder than you thought because in an instant Madam Pomfrey was standing before you with a concerned look on her face.

“My, my, child. What is with the hysterics? Do calm down now” she spoke to you reassuringly while patting a hand on your back.

It was then you realized that you had been crying.

You stared to breathe even harder as you looked into her concerned eyes. You tried to speak clearly but only choked sobs came out.

“P-please t-tell me. Is h-he o-ok?” you cried to her desperately.

Her face twisted into a look of pity.

“Are you asking about the Malfoy boy?” she asked slowly.

You only nodded your head as more hot tears streamed down your face.

“He’ll be okay, don’t you worry. I’ve already done what I came for him and he’s resting now” she replied while giving you a warm smile.

“May I p-please see him?” you begged with blurry eyes.

She scrunched her face at your words, carefully thinking it over before she gave a little sigh.

“You may wait for him until he wakes up on his own but you have to be quiet now, you hear? Don’t want to disturb him with those loud cries of yours” she replied softly.

You took in a deep breath as you tried to collect yourself.

“I won’t be a bother, I promise. I just need to be with him, please” you said while wiping the last tears from your eyes.

Madam Pomfrey gave you a little pat on the shoulder in response as she opened the door for you to walk in. Gesturing over to the side you saw Draco’s body lying there in a deep sleep.

As you drew closer you fought the urge to let out another pitiful sob as you took in his appearance.

Although he was sleeping it was obvious that he had been through a tremendous ordeal. His body looked weak and broken, a hollow shell of his former self.

But as you studied his sleeping face you saw that the boy you knew was still in there somewhere, he looked so peaceful as he rested. Even though you wanted to cry over him, hug him, and even curse him for giving you such a fright. You simply pulled up a chair next to his bed, took his hand in yours, and let him sleep.

Sometime later you were awoken by the feeling of someone tapping at your shoulder. You jolted your head up in surprise, not even realizing that you had fallen asleep.

As your eyes adjusted to your surroundings you were met with the sight of Draco staring back at you. He had a frown set into his face as he did so.

Looking down you saw that your hand still tightly gripped his.

Feeling a little embarrassed you pulled it away before looking up at him again.

“Y-you’re awake,” you said with a small gasp.

Examining his appearance you found that although still a shell of his former self it would seem that he looked much more rested. Judging by the expression on his face he wasn’t particularly thrilled t you being here and that thought alone sent a painful jab through your heart.

“I was so worried, Draco. I know we haven’t spoken in a while and you may not want to see me but when I saw Snape carrying you off like that I-I didn’t know what t-to do” you finished with a little choke as the all too familiar rush of tears rushed down your face, throat constricting painfully as they did so.

His face softened a little as he let out a kind of a defeated sigh, giving you a sad little smile as he did so.

“I’m sorry to have worried you” he responded calmly.

“That’s all you have to say?!” you said to him slightly raising your voice as the various emotions you’d felt before came over you once again in one big rush. “I thought that maybe you… you would be dead. You don’t understand what that felt like. I… I can’t live without you.” You admitted weakly.

Your eyes were so watery with tears that you couldn’t see clearly anymore however, the next thing you knew. You were being pulled into a tight embrace.

All the fear you had held over the last few hours started washing away from you as you wrapped your arms around Draco timidly. Wishing that for once in your life you really could stop time. Right at this moment. Where nothing else seemed to matter except for the way he held you.

“Draco… I have to tell you that I… that I lo-“ but before you could finish your confession he squeezed you tighter with a hush.

“Don’t say it. Not now. Don’t you dare tell me that” he told you firmly. But you could sense the slightest bit of wavering in his voice.

You weren’t sure why he stopped you from confessing. Maybe he didn’t feel the same and was saving you the embarrassment. Maybe he simply couldn’t handle to process those emotions right now. But for whatever the reason may be, you didn’t pay it another mind.

“Okay” you whispered to him as another lone tear dripped down your face.

When you pulled away from each other you saw that his eyes were a literal watery. You wondered if maybe he had been about to cry… but you decided it’d be best not to ask.

“Draco, promise me you won’t scare me like that again” you pleaded with him softly.

“I can’t make such promises Y/N. I also can’t see you anymore… not for a while at least. Maybe ever… I can’t explain but it’s best if you just stay away from me.” He told you with a sad expression. “Please” he added while casting his eyes down to avoid your own.

His words hurt. There was no denying that. He didn’t want to see you… he was rejecting you completely and he couldn’t even say why. You felt as though all the thoughts left your mind at that moment. Like a deafening silence surrounded you and all you could see was white light. Was this heartbreak? You weren’t sure. But one thing was certain, the pounding and shredding of your heart was proof you were still alive.

Swallowing the lump in your throat as you fought back the urge to cry once more, you looked to a far corner of the room and gave him the answer you knew he wanted.

“Okay”

More time went by after that and in a weird turn of events, it was you who started to look ill. You couldn’t sleep anymore. Couldn’t eat a proper meal. Hell, you couldn’t even focus on your studies.

It was like there was no escape from the pain. That’s what it was really. Insufferable and undeniable pain. The pain of rejection, of not knowing, and of being abandoned. You had never felt more alone in all your life.

Only adding to the torment, of course, was the fact that you hadn’t seen Draco at all since that time in the hospital wing. You were sure he was around somewhere… he had to be. You figured this meant that he was avoiding you…

You sent hours trying to find the answers as to why he wanted you nowhere near him. His strange behavior before he was injured only added to the mystery and the more you thought about it the more confused you became.

Your friends begged you to move on. Pleaded with you to forget about it… to do something else, to eat something, and of course, their biggest cry of all was for you to just snap out of it.

Many months had passed. But nothing changed, and nothing got better. The person you were seemed to leave along with him. It may have been ridiculous… to love someone so intensely and not even know if they ever cared for you to begin with. To never have even been able to admit it to him. Maybe if you had said it sooner, before he had distanced himself. Maybe things could be different…

You never thought you’d see him again. Had even given up on the thought that he’d ever speak to you again… But then one day in your 6th year he came rushing towards you in the hallway, a look of fear adorning his face.

Completely in shock, as he dragged you into a nearby empty classroom, you said nothing as he began to speak.

“Y/N, I need you to listen to me” he began slightly out of breath. “You need to find somewhere in this room and hide. Don’t leave. Not until you know for certain that it’s safe. I can’t say what’s about to happen but I need you to promise me that you won’t come out, please!” he pleaded to you with worried eyes.

“I-I don’t understand what’s happening, Draco,” you said while still trying to process his words. You weren’t sure at all what was happening but you knew by the look on his face that this was serious.  

“I know you don’t. But I need you to trust me, ok?” he asked while taking a firm hold on your shoulder in an effort to get you to look him in the eye.

“I trust you… and I promise. I’ll hide…” you whispered to him weakly, unable to look him in the eye for so long without feeling sorrowful.

He gave you a sort of sad smile before pulling away from you. He was turning to leave but you were so afraid. So afraid that this was going to be the last time you’d ever see him. You had to tell him everything that he meant to you. You had to tell him how much you’ve been dying without him. Had to tell him something…

“Draco, wait!” you called out just before he reached the door.

His extended arm hesitated midair as he turned back to look at you.

“I love you,” you said loudly with a burst of confidence you didn’t know you had. “I’ve loved you for the last three years and I’ll continue loving you whether you feel the same way or not. Every year from now, until the moment I die… and even after that” you ended with your voice almost inaudible as the nerves began to take over you.

He seemed lost for words, standing there completely motionless as his mouth fell open slightly in surprise. The silence was growing unbearable as you began to question if you’d maybe said a little too much. Looking away from him was the only way to recollect yourself.

But then before you could even process what was happening, he was walking back towards you. He was moving quickly with a look you’d never seen before. Then in the blink of an eye, his lips were on yours.

Your eyes stayed open at first, completely taken back. But quickly you closed them as well as you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled his body to you desperately.

The kiss was soft at first, even a little bit timid. Then it became desperate and emotional as you both pulled the other closer. All the worries in the world seemed to leave you at that moment. As though you were the only two people in existence.

Breaking apart with staggered breathing you looked into his eyes and saw that same odd expression as before. You were about to ask him what he was thinking and what this all meant but he beat you to it.

“I love you too, Y/N. I’ve loved you for the last three years and I’ll never stop” he told you as little droplets of tears began to trickle from his eyes.

You had never seen him cry before. Not once in all the time that you’d known him and before you could stop it, you began to cry as well.

In any other circumstance, this would have been a happy moment. Two people finally admitting their love for one another after all this time. Finally joined together in eternal bliss.

But the situation was anything but blissful. Because when you looked at his crying face you knew he was emotional not for finally confessing to you. But because he was about to leave you… and that’s just what he did.

After one last passionate kiss, he urged you to hide quickly, making you promise once more not to leave.

Then he turned to the door, looked back at you with a reassuring smile upon his face, and left.

 -

It was much later when you finally met him again.

Life was a lot different after the war. Like many others you didn’t return to Hogwarts, your parents wouldn’t allow it. Although they were muggles they heard all about what had happened and insisted you simply test out of your final years and start working. Although you reassured them that the school would have been safe after the defeat of Voldemort, there was no arguing with them.

So that’s just what you did. You took all the required exams in one go and started your new life as a member of the working class. You began working at the ministry in the Improper Use of Magic office. It was tedious work at times but you didn’t mind it.

Any work was a good distraction from the things you had heard that day. The people you had lost… and the one person who you had never seen again.

You tried not to think about him too often. Although you were sure your record was maybe two days. It was simply impossible to forget him. The feelings you still kept for him and the endless thoughts of what could have been.

You heard about him… every now and then. Learned all about what had become of his father and him during their trials. Taking what you knew now and looking back at what had transpired between the two of you, you couldn’t blame him for pushing you away like he did. It was a heavy burden for anyone to carry, let alone a teenage boy.

Come to think of it, so much time had passed that you couldn’t even believe how quickly life seemed to move on without you. It had been about three years since the battle. Three years since you had last been at that school. Three years since you had told him you loved him… and three years since he had said it back.

Letting out a little frustrated sigh you quickly stood from your desk. Your coworkers eyed you suspiciously as you made quite the dramatic show of slumping your shoulders in self-pity. You were feeling particularly mopey today as all those memories from three years ago came flooding back. As much as you hated to admit it… you got like this often.

“I’m going to head out for some air” you spoke into the room of people, none of them really paying you much mind. That didn’t really bother you though.

Stepping out into the hustle and bustle of the wizarding world was always a little fascinating despite all the years you’d spent living in it. No matter how common the sights in front of you became, they never really ceased to amaze you. However, today rather than be amused by it all you found yourself wanting to run away from it.

Usually, at times like these when you needed a place to relax by yourself, you’d simply walk through the ministry in a daze. But today was different…for some reason you had the urge to walk above ground amongst the muggles.

Maybe a part of you as feeling a little homesick. Or maybe you just wanted to exist somewhere where nothing could you remind you of the suffering anymore. To live as a muggle was to live in ignorance. Completely unaware of the mysterious world around you and when all you could do was agonize over the past… the thought of living in ignorance too was more tempting than ever.

Of course, you knew you couldn’t actually abandon your life here. But it didn’t hurt to fantasize about it…

When you made your way to the surface, surrounded by the common folk of London you took in a deep breath of relief. Up here no one could drag you down to that dark place. To these people, you hardly even existed.

As you walked down the street you curiously glanced from shop to shop. Person to person. Wondering what it is you should do to distance yourself from the world for a while. To complete disassociate from the painful thoughts that constantly invaded your mind.

That’s when you spotted it. A quaint little book shop. It stood on the corner of the street, old and fading, but none the less inviting.

When you entered through the door you were met with the smell of old books and coffee. It wasn’t a café but you had the inkling that the owners must indulge themselves with a secret pot in the back.

As you walked through the little store you marveled at the way the giant bookshelves were arranged. Towering all around you like some kind of maze. You examined the spines of the books as you walked by them. Everything from fantasy books to TV repair guides adorned the shelves around you.

Something was so peaceful about being in there. Surrounded by giant shelves of old books, as though they were shielding you in from the outside world. Keeping you safe…

While you were busy perusing you failed to notice the presence of another person next to you. So enthralled in the dusty shelves that if it wasn’t for your hand touching their own while reaching for the same copy of “Lord of The Flies”.

You apologized with a mumbled excuse me without looking up at the person. He didn’t respond, simply withdrew his hand from the shelf. Judging by their hand you assumed it was a man and given his disinterest in you, you figured it wasn’t the owner.

But as you turned to walk away from the man there was a voice screaming in your head to turn around and look at him. You didn’t know why you were so curious but it was like you’d never stop eating at yourself until you just looked.

So that’s what you did. In one swift motion, you turned your body to face him. Only when you saw the man in front of you… you couldn’t help the loud gasp that escaped your lips.

It was Draco Malfoy. You couldn’t believe your eyes and briefly even thought you might be mistaken. But there was no way it was a trick. It was definitely him. He had aged some of course in the last few years but physically he didn’t look that different from what you remembered. Just the sight of him was enough to cause your heart to pound. Just like when you were back at school all those years ago.

Upon hearing your gasp Draco turned to look at you. He had been contently eyeing the books on the shelf in front of him when disrupted the silence. But when his eyes met yours you saw how they widened in disbelief.

The silence in the air was growing in intensity and suddenly you could make out the smell of dust better than ever as your senses seemed to become hyper-aware.

For a moment neither if you said a word. Just stood there staring at each other in shock. Probably looking quite foolish to anyone who might have witnessed it.

He was the first to speak.

“Y/N… it’s really you isn’t it?” he asked while letting out an airy sort of laugh.

You could only bring yourself to nod your head slowly at him. Unable to pull the words from your throat is it constricted painfully. Hearing his voice again after so long was surreal… and before you knew it.  You were crying in front of him. Just like you had the last time you’d seen him. What a reunion you thought to yourself.

A look of panic swept across his face as he watched you cry in front of him. It was clear he didn’t know what to do or say at that moment he awkwardly reached his hands to you before awkwardly pulling them away.

“Please don’t cry. Oh, Merlin, I’m so sorry. Just please don’t cry” he pleaded with you in a whisper. Suddenly being reminded that you were currently in a very small and quiet muggle bookstore.

“I thought I’d never see you again,” you said in a shaky voice.

His eyes were filled with sorrow as he frowned slightly down at you. You didn’t know if he was displeased at the situation or maybe himself.

“Neither did I” he admitted to you with a hint of shame in his voice.

You had so much to tell him, so much that needed to be said. You needed answers from him as well. After all this time you needed to know everything. The whole story and all its ugly truths, not just what the papers told you.

“Can we go somewhere else to talk?” you asked him quietly.

The look on his face told you that he understood what you meant. You wanted to talk away from the muggles, somewhere safer for the two people like you.

As you both made your way out of the bookstore you quickly looked around t make sure no one was watching. After assuring you were unseen you both slipped into an alleyway and without much thought, you took his hand and apparated the both of you into your flat.

As you both came to stand in your kitchen you quickly removed your hand from his, feeling a little bit awkward about everything.

Draco was looking around your small flat quite curiously as you lead him to the couch. His eyes raked over every piece of furniture and every photo in a frame. You gestured for him to sit but he seemed to be caught up in looking at one photo in particular. Coming to stand by his side you knew exactly which one he was looking at.

It was a picture of you and your old housemate, Maria. You two were quite close back at Hogwarts. She was your dearest friend aside from Draco. In this particular photo, you could see the two of you at a Quidditch match. Covered in face paint and cheering happily as jumped up and down in the stands. It was one of your favorite photos. The two of you were so carefree back then…

She hadn’t survived the battle, unfortunately.

Smiling sadly as you both looked at the picture replay itself over and over you heard him let out a little sob beside you. Turning to him with a look of worry you saw that his face was twisted with anguish as tears threatened to fall from his eyes.

“It’s all my fault you know. I’m the reason they’re all dead. I don’t even deserve to be here right now. It should have been me who died that day. Not… not all of them” he said as the tears finally began to fall.

Without second-guessing, you pulled Draco into a tight embrace. Your hands lightly stroked his back in a soothing manner as you shushed him carefully.

You had always wondered what he’d been up to since the battle. How he was handling it and how it might have changed him. You figured it couldn’t be easy but you didn’t know that he blamed himself to this extent. To think that he was hurting this much all these years… it broke your heart.

“It’s not your fault. You know that right? What happened wasn’t your fault.” You told him while squeezing him tighter.

“You don’t understand, Y/N… you don’t know what I did. It’s my fault and everyone knows it. People still want me dead for what happened and honestly they aren’t wrong for wishing it” he whispered to you.

You pulled away from him slightly, still keeping your hands placed securely onto his back.

“If I don’t understand then tell me. Tell me everything that happened. Everything you had to do and everything you’ve had to live with since. I wat to know...” you begged him with a hint of desperation in your voice.

“Okay” was his simple reply as he let you lead him to sit on the couch where he began to tell you everything that had happened. Starting with the time that he began to distance himself from you all those years ago.

His story was sad and full of regret. As you listened to him explain everything he was forced to do you understood why he was so scared back then. The papers merely scraped the surface of the reality he was forced to live in at that time. You wished you could’ve helped him somehow. You knew that you couldn’t have really done anything but just the thought that while you were sad about being ignored he was dealing with the thought of being killed. You didn’t blame him anymore for pushing you away. If the roles were reversed you were sure you would have done the same. Because in your eyes he was everything and the thought of losing him meant you had nothing left to live for.

That’s how the last three years had really felt anyways. Like you’d lost everything you had to live for. Left in that classroom all that time ago.

As he finished his story set a reassuring hand on his shoulder. Wishing that there was a way to express everything you felt right now into words.

“I know you feel like the whole world is against you now. I know that there are still those out there who seek to see you perish. But for whatever it’s worth… I don’t blame you. I never really did actually. I knew you weren’t capable of being the monster that the media made you out to be. That wasn’t the Draco I knew. Even if everyone else turns their back on you just know that I never have and I never will. I’ve waited all this time hoping that I’d see you again one day. I didn’t know how to find you or if you even wanted me to… but I never stopped thinking about you. I never stopped loving you” you confessed to him with bated breath.

“I never stopped loving you either, Y/N” he admitted to you quickly. “I thought about you every day since that time in the classroom. I wanted to find you after I’d been pardoned but I was afraid you thought I was a monster. I was afraid that you hated me too” he whispered meekly.

He looked down at his hands as you watched him with pitiful eyes. Right here in this moment, confessing to each other all over again. It was like you were back in that classroom. Back at Hogwarts. Back to the times when you would spend countless hours with each other, elation always bursting through your chest.

Moving a gentle hand to cup his face you lifted it to meet yours.

“Whatever the reasons where that kept us apart for so long… the only thing that matters to me is being here with you right now. We may have wasted a few years out of fear. But let’s not waste another second” you finished as you brought your lips to his in a soft kiss.

His hands shyly made their way around your waist as the kiss grew more passionate. Your breathing grew heavy and labored as you kissed him with all the emotions you’d felt while he was gone.

Clinging to him desperately, you were afraid that he might disappear.

But he didn’t.

 -

The happiest moment in your life had been when you’d both said: “I do”.

“Oh stop fussing with it!” your best friend cried at you as you continued to move pieces of hair around your face.

“But it’s just not quite perfect yet” you argued while frowning in the mirror.

“Please, you look absolutely fine. I don’t think Draco or anyone else in there will care about a few misplaced hairs” she huffed.

Realistically you knew she was right. You knew you were just being nitpicky. But there was no better day to agonize over every minute detail than this one.

It was your wedding day after all.

“Fine, you’re right! I’ll just walk in there looking like a disaster I suppose” you replied childishly.

She only gave you a knowing look before walking to the other side of the room to grab something.

You knew it was just the nerves getting to you. They had you lashing out and second-guessing every aspect of your appearance. You fully intended to apologize to her later for your ill behavior. But at this moment you were too busy spiraling into self-induced panic.

Your friend returned to your side with a sigh as she held your veil in her hands. You looked at it nervously as you imagined what was soon to come.

“Y/N, I know you’re nervous now. But trust me… pretty soon you won’t be able to stop grinning” she told you reassuringly.

You gave her a forced smile as she placed the veil over your head. Looking at your reflection was such an odd experience. The person looking back at you was definitely you. But at the same time, you’d never looked more different. You couldn’t tell if this was good or bad though.

“Ready?” she asked from behind you. Her face smiling at you warmly from the mirror.

“As I’ll ever be” you shakily laughed.

When you came to stand in front of the large brown doors you realized that this was the moment that would change everything. This was the start of a new chapter in your life. The beginning to your forever.

As the doors swung open and you made your way slowly down the aisle you could hear the distinct sounds of gasps and whispers coming from all around you. Your heart was beating fiercely against your chest as the nerves devoured you. Maybe if you just focused on one thing instead of everything around you it would be less nerve-wracking.

So that’s just what you did. Scanning your eyes anxiously ahead they landed on Draco. He was standing there, waiting for you at the end of the aisle with the most dazzling grin on his face. He was looking at you with eyes of pure adoration and at that moment you could’ve sworn you felt yourself blushing a little. It was like everyone else disappeared around you. It was just you and him, together, forever.

When you came to stand next to him at the alter you couldn’t stop the smile from growing on your face. This really was the happiest moment of your life.

As Draco reached forward to lift your veil you were met with the clear sight if his beautiful face looking at you with all the love in the world. Your heart swelled with the thought that this was actually happening. You were marrying the man of your dreams. The one you’d loved for so many years and many more to come.

You felt yourself becoming a little antsy as it came time to exchange your vows. You had made the decision before that you’d recite yours first and although you were terrified you had never been so sure about anything before.

“Draco, there were so many times in my life when I thought I knew what I wanted. I thought I knew who I was and what was important to me. I thought that I was ok with being alone and I figured I’d never know anything about that true love nonsense” you said with a little laugh. Draco laughed too at this as well as a few people from the seats. “But after I met you I realized that I didn’t really know anything. I didn’t know who I was, what I wanted, or what true happiness felt like. I never imagined in all my life that I’d grow to love someone as much as I love you. We’ve had a lot of ups and downs in our relationship. We didn’t see each other for years after our first confession. But when we found each other again in that dusty muggle bookstore two years ago… I knew that it was fate. I know that may sound ridiculous to some. I myself never really believed in such a thing as fate before. But when I think back to what we went through and how we found each other again… I just know that it was meant to be. I was meant to find you in this life and the next. I first realized I loved you all those years ago when we would sneak up to the astronomy tower in the dead of night. Ever since then I’ve only grown to love you more. Everything I am is thanks to you, Draco. You’re my one and only. My forever and always... and I’ll continue to love you every year from now, until the moment I die… and even after that.” you finished as a tear made its way slowly down your face.

Draco’s eyes were watery as he beamed at you. The whole building was silent as your heavy words hung in the air.

Draco cleared his throat a little before taking your hands into his and looking deep into your eyes.

“Y/N, just like you, I thought I knew who I was. I was certain of my role in life and what that meant for me. I thought I knew what love felt like and how you showed it. But after meeting you it was like my world turned upside down. I instantly knew that everything I had thought was true couldn’t be more wrong. You taught me that I was more than what I was told to be. You showed me what it was like to live freely and express myself truthfully. You were the first person I ever trusted and the first person I ever truly loved. Because of you, I have a reason to wake up every morning. You were always there to save me from my darkest times without even realizing it. You have no idea just how much you mean to me. How much I adore you. You are the light of my life and the greatest thing to ever happen to me. I wish we hadn’t wasted so many years being apart. But as a wise person once told me, the only thing that matters to me is being here with you right now… and I never intend to leave your side. I promise to love you now and forever. My reason for existing and moving forward, experiencing life and all its beauty. It’s all thanks to you, my dearest love. From now, until the moment I die… and even after that” he ended with a soft smile.

You both cried softly then and there, with huge grins on your faces, in front of all your guests as you held each other’s hands. The moment was more than you could have ever hoped for. More than you ever deserved.

Any other words that were spoken were completely lost in the moment as the only thing you remember happening next was saying “I do”.

 -

The air was unusually cold as you made your way home from work. You felt yourself shiver slightly at the icy breeze as you rounded the corner to your street. Something was amiss though. You couldn’t tell what or why but you had this terrible feeling of dread sitting in your gut as you walked down the road.

You didn’t know if it was your imagination but even the neighborhood itself seemed a little darker tonight. The feeling that something was wrong only grew more intense as you drew closer to your house.

As you stood in front of your door you felt the unmistakable sensation of fear wash over you as you froze. Something was very wrong and you could feel it.

Suddenly you were too scared to even open the door. The absolute silence coming from the house made you sick to your stomach. You knew that Draco was supposed to be him and yet it felt as though there was no life coming from the house at all.

When you reached to unlock the door, however, a sick wave of terror spread over you as you realized it was already unlocked.

Both you and Draco always made sure the house was properly locked even when someone was home. The constant threat to Draco’s life from radical groups always made you nervous despite his reassurance that they’d never have the nerve to harm in.

Raising your wand up as you slowly entered your home you were mentally preparing yourself to fight an intruder of some kind.

But when you walked in you didn’t find an intruder. Instead you were met with the darkness of the night spreading throughout the whole house as a single light illuminated from the kitchen.

You slowly made your way towards it unsure of what might be there. You noticed as you passed that there was a dinner freshly set on the dining room table. Draco must have been meaning to surprise you with it.

But where was he?

Before you even had time to think of the possibilities you were met with the answer.

Your wand fell from your hand as you stared down at the floor in front of you.

There was Draco.

But he wasn’t moving.

He wasn’t breathing either.

His body laid there cold and lifeless on the ground and as you stared at him it was like your mind refused to accept the reality of what it was seeing.

This couldn’t be real. It couldn’t be happening. This all had to be some kind of joke. Yes, that was it. Just a cruel joke played at your expense. Pretty soon someone would come out to yell “got you” as Draco would rise from the floor having a good laugh as well.

But he didn’t… and he wouldn’t

“No…no, no, no. OH GOD PLEASE NO!” you screamed as your mind finally came to terms with what you were seeing.

Draco was dead. He was there on your kitchen floor, pale and unmoving as his wide empty eyes looked up at the ceiling.

You fell to your knees and began to wail as your body shook violently. Slowly you crawled over to his side and shakily placed a hand on his chest as your tears began to fall on his still body.

“Please n-no. T-this can’t be happening. Please c-come b-back t-to me. P-please t-take m-me instead” you pleaded to no one.

Looking frantically around him as your breathing began to grow frantic and uneven you were seeing the signs of a struggle. There were smashed dishes and bits of food scattered across the floor around him as his wand lay on the floor beside his hand.

You took in heavy fast breathes as your mind tried to comprehend the scene before you.

Brining your gaze to his face you felt yourself begin to dry heave as you looked at it. He was dead and you were too late to save him. He was dead and you’d never see him again. He was dead… and you hadn’t been there to save him. You hadn’t been there for him…

Bringing your trembling hand to his face you closed his eyelids as more violent sobs and heaves left your body.

“I’m s-sorry. This i-is all m-my f-fault. I should’ve been here. I s-should’ve been here…”

You stayed there sobbing over him, choking on every breathe as your blood ran cold. Everything around you seemed to be spinning as you desperately tried to steady yourself even a little.

But it was hopeless. He was gone and you’d never see him again. Never hear his laugh, see his smile, or feel his gentle reassuring touch ever again… and as you slowly began to lose all sense of reality above his stiff cold body you recited in your head the only words you seemed to remember anymore.

“From now, until the moment I die… and even after that.”

---

Author’s Note: I already know that you guys probably hate me right now. Trust me, I spent days working on this and like halfway through I really wanted to just give them a happy ending. But, in the end, I didn’t want to stray from my original idea. This story was a lot of fun to write and by the end of it I was actually making myself sad... sorry if it’s kind of a jumbled mess. Let me know what you all think! Thanks for the continued support and feedback! :)

[violetsystems]

#personal

The holidays are quiet if not a little more restful than usual.  I facetime’d my dad and his wife and talked to my mom on the phone.  Since I left my job way back in July I haven’t had much video contact with anybody.  Everybody is too busy baking banana bread on YouTube I guess to check in.  The final days of my employment had devolved into a virtual SCRUM twice a day led by myself on camera.  It was exhausting at times to lead but kept people focused.  That is when they bothered to show up.  One of my employees was off making music with my boss half the time I was trying to lead those discussions.  I’m beginning to sense a theme.  People saying they are there but not really.  Maybe the mic is muted.  Maybe you can’t see behind the screen.  All I know is the follow through lately with people is missing entirely.  I spent a good hour the last two days trying to decouple a credit card from my old job’s contact info.  I’m locked out of both the phone number and the email attached to the account.  I got the run around trying to provide a US passport to confirm my identity.  It was good enough to enter China alone.  The first call that ID was sufficient.  They had said they sent an email to follow through with the process to two different emails I provided.  The email never came most likely because neither had been tied to the account previously.  I called back on Christmas eve and suddenly the passport wasn’t good enough.  Neither was an expired driver’s license.  The woman actually asked me why I hadn’t renewed my driver’s license.  I told the truth.  My ex girlfriend stole my car.  That didn’t really help the situation.  I sent a passport photo to unlock my facebook but they never followed through.   I had an easier time unlocking my Fortnite account with it although that took a full week.  I ended having to call the police on Christmas eve to explore filing a report for fraud and identity theft.  The police officer on the phone pretty much gaslighted me at the end of the questioning.  “Nothing criminal.” he stated plainly.  I didn’t get mad.  I didn’t even complain.  I simply said Happy Holidays and hung up.  Much like I’ve hung up on the last twenty years of my life at this point.  Nobody seems to want to answer the video call.  The opening introduction if they did would be something like “What exactly have you done with my life?”  Maybe they’re afraid to confront the truth.  The media, the government, and even the police seem to not want to believe evidence that contradicts their narrative.  I guess you could throw up your hands and revolt.  But the holidays have been peaceful and quiet enough to simply roll my eyes and move on.  I’ve had years of failures to connect.  COVID has taught me a lot of things.  I heard the mantra in all the mandatory corporate webinars.  This pandemic has brought to light structural problems we were never aware of before.  Sexual harassment in the workplace.  Check.  Organizational corruption.  Check.  The fact everybody is full of bullshit and will just mute the mic and pretend it never happened.  Check.  People feel invincible behind a screen and think they know it all.  Check.  Now that we’re aware.  What do we do?  How do we move on with our life now that we have all this space?  How do I even care about participating in a broken process when I have no debt and fiscal maturity?  How can I go back to being the old me when I’ve been completely erased and conveniently forgot about?  Why would I even bother?  

Mostly I take the time with this process to make sure my identity is completely secure.  Which is why it’s not really fun to be locked out of twenty years of your own information in the form of an email account and forgotten about for six months.  But this is just the structural reality come to light.  Much like the rest of America is waking up to the reality of what greed really does to people.  That was my Christmas present this year aside from the coffee that never came and that Cyberpunk game that I don’t really have the time or the subpar computer setup to criticize.  I’m guilty of tricking myself into thinking people care about me.  I have statistical data from the last six months that proves otherwise.  I also have financial data that points to whatever hustle I have been hustling during that time has paid off and will continue to.  But I don’t really have an answer to anything.  I’m in the worst kind of limbo.  I don’t get the sense these days that I should even remotely worry until July.  Which is kind of like saying fuck you to the world for the next six months.  I spent the last six waking up from a nightmare.  The only times I look back is to clean up the mess.  And a Christmas Eve call to the police is kind of messy.  But the result is more of the same for me.  An extravagant “I told you so.”  I’ve been telling myself for awhile now a lot of things.  Some of them were kind of unbelievable.  Now those very dreams are all I really take comfort in.  The limbo I’m in is more pointed to the light at the end of the tunnel than the void.  But I can’t say the same for everybody else.  I work for myself for the time being.  It looks really nice on paper.  I can even pay myself if it fits into my organization’s financial outlook.  But none of this matters when you or your struggles don’t even exist to people other than to mock or judge it.  All the work we do to survive.  All the work we do to create art and to be beautiful in the face of chaos.  All of that is negated by a loud mouthed jerk who can bark you back into submission.  A mob of dumb ass fraudsters that talk over and mute any opposition without any warrant or merit.  The press follows this mentality pretty clearly.  Everybody has a hot take and a theory.   But nobody wants to sit down and listen to the culmination of lies spread about people and situations.  Everyone is too emotionally interested in sharing their recipe for banana bread to an invisible audience.  I guess I could be guilty of that too.  Except that I share actual human emotion and care with a community of people who pay attention week to week.  For a person like myself who has no real need to worry about money for the foreseeable future what’s the value of care and attention?  A lot.  I don’t feed myself with vapor or fake sentiments.  I take it all at base level as real as it gets.  You can’t build a future on speculation.  You can technically if you are in the stock market.  But risk is risk.  And money is money.  No one can be me at the end of the day.  Sometimes I can’t even prove I’m myself.  My mom reminded me I had to provide ten pieces of documentation to renew my passport ten years ago.  The reasoning was simple.  The government did not believe I existed.  No bullshit.  A decade later nothing really has changed.  I’ve been to Shanghai by myself and eaten McDonald’s.  I read all these Republicans talk about how you put your identity at risk just setting foot in that country.  

And yet when does the rhetoric and brainwashing fall flat on it’s face?  When you can’t pass economic stimulus to not only save your own people but the fragile stock market all this bullshit is built upon.  I could keep telling you I told you so.  Or I could save my own ass.  And largely I did without really owing much to this country whatsoever except taxes in Q1.  Taxes billionaires don’t have to pay because they offer us so much relevant employment and benefits that fit on their bottom line.  The real truth is that America would rather not face the truth.  It hasn’t for years.  It’s built on this kind of thing.  It always has been.  And the world gets bigger and the excuses get worse.  And so what does anyone expect a person like me to do after you openly admit that there’s nothing criminal going on here.  How does that sound when you’ve been treated openly like a criminal in so many unsettling ways that you just don’t want to participate in society anymore?  Not that anyone really asks me to participate.  They’re too busy signaling or whispering secret messages.  Is it suggestion or valid communication?  I’m the one that has to shift through it all and detangle the mess from what is real and what is some sort of mass hallucination.  An alternate reality hunger game that the rich have been playing for years without any punishment or oversight.  When you get caught up in the crossfire they expect you to know the drill.  Keep your mouth shut if you know what’s good for you.  None of this is good for me.  You could argue it made me the beast that I am.  But I am the one who had to actively make that choice to adapt and survive.  But I’m not like any normal person these days.  I refuse to admit it anymore.  They say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem.  I have a problem.  One that it seems I cannot fix.  And if you isolate and quarantine yourself from an entire twenty years of nostalgia what is left?  Where are the texts of merry xmas from yesteryear.  Probably pinging my old work number.  I can’t access my facebook.  Maybe that’s for the best.  I can’t shut down lines of credit until I renew my state ID.  I could jump on a plane and visit Shanghai Disney quicker than I could prove I’m alive to the US government.  And when does the constant gaslighting break down?  When do we realize that people gaslight to cover up an elaborate lie that has gotten out of control.  That we are not all in this together.  Not by a longshot.  That the problem of connectedness is right there in front of our faces.  We’re exhausted propping up entire infrastructures that keep a bloated empire alive.  Family fortunes built on opioids and war strewn out across the landscape in trusts and elaborate tax schemes.  Oligarchs that have generational wealth that buy our politicians and scam people into debt and forced labor.  This is America.  This is the systemic problem the pandemic brought to light.  This shit was built this way.  And like any fort constructed with shaky foundations, good luck hiding from the storm in that shit.  At least I can still access my Epic account.  What am I going to do for the next six months?  Complain about something I can’t fix because everybody wants to consider me part of the problem?  I don’t know what to do anymore except move forward and lead by example.  There’s enough quality people who follow to keep me warm with those thoughts through the holidays alone.  I won’t be drunk on a zoom call.  I’ll be in bed watching Wonder Woman or something.  When everyone you worshipped comes out of this looking fake, tired and exhausted you’ll know where to find me.  Unlocking more accounts tied to an identity that doesn’t exist anymore.  Nothing criminal.  Hopefully people will stop treating me like one eventually.  <3 Tim

[space-blue]

The Mummy

'No, really, I don't believe in the whole mummy curse resurrection thing. Whatever medium they're fit in, these stories break my suspension of disbelief in a hurry. If you look at how it's always plotted out, it never makes any sense!'

'You don't believe in necromancy? Second life, reviving the dead?'

'There isn't any belief to hold on that art. It's almost as clean a science as Newtonian physics. But you can't restore a consciousness perfectly even minutes after death, and you can't invest spirit force in an old body, least of all a mummified one! Embalming involves taking out the viscera, including the brain, and turning the flesh into some form of organic resin. Hardly material for raising the dead! No, the real catch I'm talking about, is who buries the doomed mummy, in all these movies. If they want to keep the thing dead forever, might as well burn it. Same goes if the dead doesn't want to be disturbed. Why actually raise from the dead for vengeance? Isn't that a lot of effort for someone who wanted to be left alone?'

'You're making light of many people's beliefs here. Burning the body means no after life. No good believer would do that to anyone.'

'I'm not criticising mummification! Only the cheap thrills people get out of thinking mummies can come back from the dead and "claim" the world–nothing less!–or choke whoever disturbed them in their sleep. They're dead. Nothing to disturb.'

'What of seal magic? Don't you find it on tombs all the time?'

'Oh, sure. Archaeologists struggled with them at the beginning too! It's hard to protect yourself against old magic when the knowledge behind it disappeared, or is preserved somewhere deeper in the very tomb you're trying to break into. A lot of the ancient sealing techniques were forgotten over the centuries you know, stuff that used to be common, like generational decay, body wasting, insect targeting–all gone, until we could piece the knowledge back together and craft counters. But again, seals were a workman's trade, or a priest's speciality. Little to do with the mummy itself. Rich folks didn't have to learn such magic, and once mummified, they really can't care less.'

'You sound very sure of yourself.'

'Oh, this isn't a savant lecture, just my educated opinion, for what it's worth.'

'Well, you're very kind to indulge me with your opinions despite your misgivings on the legitimacy of my very nature.'

'What, are you going to curse me and send scarabs to eat me inside out?'

'Would that I could!'

'And here I thought we were friendly.'

'We are, we are, I am sincerely grateful for your conversation.'

'The best you've had in four thousand years, I bet.'

'I'm still a bit confused with the dates, but yes, about that.'

'Anyway, don't feed the fools any more ideas of you being a mummy. It'll make my reports look messy.'

'I can't help with all the musty bandages and the fact that I was taken from a stone sarcophagus in a tomb built in my name. You truly aren't afraid that working on me might unleash on you some terrible curse?'

'Didn't we just have that entire conversation? Besides, whatever you are, I'm pretty sure you never died. I know what I'm seeing, and whatever this is, it isn't a curse.'

'I beg to disagree. It is one to me. Everyone around me ends up dying...'

'Yeah, living four thousand years tends to do that to your social circle.'

'I'm being serious.'

'You're being talkative. What's with the sudden chattiness? You left me monologuing all day yesterday. Not that I mind or anything, you're alright to talk to, and you sure can listen, and I have little else to do so long as I'm cataloguing, but I hope you realise they sent me here because you wouldn't talk. No way Earl Pence and Fitzwilliam Gerald would let anyone else touch their precious mummy if you hadn't made their life so miserable.'

'These men's grammar was poor and their accent intolerable. Their questions from ignorant to rude. I don't waste time on the rude.'

'Give them a break, your native language is long dead.'

'No one tried to speak Kore before you.'

'No one but initiates speak Kore, and we aim to keep it that way, so don't flaunter yours around. Line powering isn't a mild science like necromancy. The least people know the trade, the better off this world is.'

'What trade is that?'

'The same as yours, I suspect? Unless you're not the one who decided to tattoo your entire body in lines of power designed to engineer perfect, looped regeneration?'

'Is that what you will say in your report?'

'What concern of yours is it? Aren't you The Mummy? Precious property of the Egyptology Society come back to life? Ward of an Earl and a millionaire? Whatever I say in my report, these two won't consider you any less precious for it.'

'Well. I wasn't expecting anyone to understand the nature of my curse this easily. I wasn't expecting much of anything at all, really. I was rather hoping for eternal slumber. This is inconvenient.'

'What.'

'What?'

'What are you sounding all cold footed about? You think I'll actually tell those two lunatics about the true meaning of your tattoos? And spill half of my guild's most precious secrets? Hah!'

'So what are your plans here exactly?'

'Well, first off the Egyptology society paid decent money for my expertise. Then I hoped to discover new, historical tattoos. Add to our repertoire, something to experiment on. I wasn't expecting the key to immortality though–hold on, this might hurt.'

'It's fine. You seem to know what you're doing.'

'I do, but they don't. And it has to stay that way, you feel me? All they want to know is how you came back from the dead, and how your flesh is regrowing over time. They want transcripts of your tattoos, and analysis of their potential meaning. They guess at what it is, but modern power lines look very different. They're thinking about Necromantic related stuff, because they're ignorant.'

'The tattoos are useless without the Kore words to say as you line them.'

'Aha! You are knowledgeable! I knew it. I'd love to talk shop with you. I bet you'd be interested to know how much progress we've covered in four thousand years too.'

'Yes, I am curious. Any other plans for the immediate future?'

'Okay, don't move, this one is the last I need a picture of–right–thank you for your cooperation so far. Now, how about proper introductions?'

'Indeed. Ameon Decarenon, "the ageless", former Korenian Master of the Sun Temple. An honour.'

'Asmilya Nassandi, Korenian Master of the ages-old Korenian Guild, founded over a thousand years ago, while you napped. The honour is all mine, elder.'

'I believe we could learn much from each other.'

'Yes. And so I propose to break you out of this room and bring you back to the guild to discuss as equals, catch you up on history and all the exciting stuff you've missed on.'

'And how do you propose to kidnap me from my rude owners?'

'Can you walk yet?'

'All my joints are stiff, but with help I should manage.'

'Excellent. I assume as well that this empty space on your chest is to draw temporary lines?'

'Indeed.'

'Perfect! The plan goes like this: if I cut a bit of myself like so–please move aside so I can draw there–Ahm Pta Ehum Kish Ossun Ra.'

'You make it grow.'

'Yes. See how the lines have become simpler and smoother? More into the subtle inflection, the width of the line? This slant there makes the growth rate tremendous.'

'I can see that! How big is this blob of flesh going to get?'

'As big as me.'

'Mmh... And then you will use Akto Essum...'

'Akto Min Essum, rather, with a rippled line, so it'll be mostly spray and not enough gore for them to notice the lack of bones or organs. Then... I guess I don't need to teach you how to break a few walls? Invisibility lined on your chest and off we go.'

'You don't mind "dying" in this process?'

'Well, they hired "apprentice Indra", and I don't mind her dying.'

'So... The evil mummy kills the poor guild apprentice and runs away, leaving no paper report to reveal its secrets? Presumably to avenge itself on the world?'

'Yeah I'm telling you, it's a terrible plot, but people dig this stupid shit. Hope you can grow a beard?'

'Four thousand years and you still haven't come up with a power-line to help with that?'

'Please tell me that's not what you buried yourself for!'

'Hah! No. Maybe I was waiting for more exciting times...'

'Yes, well, with our very first evil mummy loose on the world, times are about to get very exciting!'

~~ February 2018 – Theme : Write a story in a subgenre you normally don't like!

[callmearcturus]

okay wtf are endotypes

aprillasaurus replied to your post: what would your endotype be if you had one?

How exactly would you classify each type/part of the spectrum? Mostly for reasons of “shit now I need to know what I would be”

First off, like all aspect of humanity, there is a level of performance and stereotype to each of the endotypes. In universe, there are plenty of people who actively lean into their roles. There are people who lean away. And there are people who don't fit the understood parameters of their endotype.

But Night Vale's society is built around the natural inclinations that each endotype tends to have, and sortie dynamics depend on basically callibrating a stable unit.

SO THAT SAID. Here’s how it works in my fic.

OMEGAS tend to be the decision makers of their sortie, tend to be more attuned to the minute details of each person in the group, and they are (broadly speaking) more active than reactive. They will initiate conversations and conflicts, which can be helpful in getting things in the open but also cause a lot of messes if they don't know how to follow through on their shit. Impetuous, territorial, and prone to anxiety. They have heats (set fertility cycles every 3-5 months) and can conceive in that specific period of time, but due to the wide availability of BC and community support, that stuff is usually well-planned for.

BETAS range from high- to low- spectrum. High betas can skew close to alphas (including the physiology) and low betas to omegas (again, same). They are thus extremely variable, but have some unique inclinations of their own. Betas that are truly middle of the spectrum tend to be absolutely fucking unflappable and prone to brute forcing through emotional turmoil. If there's a fire and everyone else is panicking, the beta is calm and probably locating the fire extinguisher while the omegas worry about the house buring down and the alphas try in vain to carry everyone out of the blaze. But true centrist (lol) betas are pretty rare, as much as a "true" alpha or omega is. Everything is a spectrum.

ALPHAS tend to be the bedrock support of their sortie. They don't really care much about territory, but they are deeply in tune with the atmosphere around them and strive to stabilize it. They can at their worst be a little overbearing in their desire to Help Everyone Out but at their best they are the peacekeepers. They are highly reactive to their surroundings and will try to be a ballast for those around them. There are dual societal pressures on them, both to model their endotype by being supportive of their sortie, but also to resist their deeper impulses to avoid becoming domineering. There's a lot of implicit rules around their actions. They’re also the most prone to depression and don’t tend to function optimally on their own with no outlet for their rather bothersome, persistent urges.

(Also, an aside. In this universe, alphas don't react to an omega or low beta's heat by losing control or potentially assaulting. The urge is more akin to a deep protective, gentling instinct, not so much "hell yeah I wanna hit that NOW." Dana briefly mentions that Carlos' sudden heat in the Ralph's is freaking the nearby alphas out. No one was going to try to take advantage of Carlos, but every alpha was aware Someone Was In Distress, How Do I Help, Need To Help!!!! which can cause a Situation, but not a dangerous one per se.)

That's the BASIC rundown, I hope that helps.

[catchester]

RULE | Chapter One

Blurb: Loki won at the end of Avengers and imposed his rule on the people of Earth. Now Thor has returned to free humanity from his tyranny . . . only the humans don't seem very keen on that idea.

Former anti-Loki terrorist, now Loki's fiancé, Rhiannon, meets Thor and his warriors and attempts to show him the improvements that Loki has made to society. Can Thor put aside his prejudices, or will he ruin all the good Loki has done under the guise of freeing the Earth?

Chapter One

Present Day

Rhiannon watched as the beam of light hit Trafalgar Square and after sharing a look with the guards on either side of her, she took a deep breath, plastered a smile on her face, and prepared to greet their guests.

“I am Thor of Asgard,” a voice boomed before the light of the bifrost had even dimmed. Just in case everyone hadn’t noticed the giant beam of light, the lightning strike hitting his hammer a moment later, along with the accompanying thunder, ensured that hardly a soul in greater London failed to notice his arrival. “I have come for the traitor, Loki! Where is he?”  

“Oh crap,” Rhiannon sighed, her smile falling away.  

The passers-by were crowding around the arrivals, jeering and this being a busy metropolis like London, the crowd quickly swelled. 

“Help me make a path,” she said to her two guards as people began throwing things, and they helped her push through the crowd to the middle where Thor and his friends were waiting.  

“Everyone, please,” she turned her back to Thor, trusting her guards to literally watch her back while she addressed the crowd.  

The crowd quieted almost immediately.

“Nothing is going to happen to Loki, you can go about your business safe in the knowledge that Loki invited his brother here, and all is well in the House of Friggason.” 

The people now just looked confused and curious.  

“Please do not jeer our honoured guests.” She ducked as a coffee cup sailed past her and judging from the startled grunt she heard behind her, hit found its target. “Or throw things at them.” She lowered her voice and tried injecting some warmth. “Remember the uncertainty you felt when Loki became our leader, and try to understand that our visitors know nothing of how life on Earth has changed in the past eight years. Be kind to them.”

There were some murmurs from the crowd, but mostly they just seemed curious now, and eager to see what was going to happen.  

Rhiannon turned back to the Aesir. 

“Prince Thor,” she bowed but not particularly low. “Welcome to Earth.” She stood upright and kept her gaze on Thor, ignoring for the moment the Warriors Three and Sif, who had accompanied him.  

“Where are the others we travelled with,” Thor demanded, “the Einherjar?” 

“Loki does not wish to fight with you, Thor. He couldn’t allow you to bring your soldiers here, but he allowed your friends through. He hopes that you will show patience and allow me to show you how well the Earth is doing.” 

Thor looked around and saw a world much like the one he’d had come to when he was banished to Earth by Odin, except no one here was looking kindly at him now.  

“Where is Loki?” Sif demanded, stepping forward. 

“I’ll take you to him. I’m Rhiannon, by the way, people generally call me Rhi or Ray.” She held her hand out and after a hesitation, Thor shook it. “These are my friends, Sarah and Peter.” 

“Guards, more like,” Sif murmured.  

“True,” Rhiannon nodded. “Loki insisted, I’m afraid, but we all know that human guards could do little against Aesir warriors.” 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Lady Rhiannon,” Thor butted in to ease tensions. “These are my friends, Fandral, Volstagg, Hogun, and the Lady Sif.” 

Rhiannon bowed her head at each as Thor pointed them out. “Very pleased to meet you all, I’ve heard much about you. If you’ll come this way, I’ll take you to Loki.”  

She turned and walked away, her guards staying close but not crowding her. The crowd parted for them and slowly began to disperse, although all eyes remained on them.  

Thor followed after her but he was clearly nonplussed. 

“I’m a little confused by events,” he admitted, falling into step beside her.  

“I’m sure,” she smiled. “I’ve arranged lunch not far from here, so we’ll have plenty of time to chat.”  

“Why did my army not come through the portal?” he asked again.  

“Loki’s magic has been keeping you off Earth, or Midgard, as you call it. When he decided to let you visit, we thought it best not to allow the Einherjar as well. We don’t want to start another war, and I’m afraid humans would be sadly out matched by your people.”  

“You speak as if you would fight for Loki.”  

“Did you not hear those people when you first arrived?”  

“It was a trick, some kind of mind control. Loki clearly has you all in his thrall!”  

“No.” Rhiannon smiled and shook her head. “When Loki first arrived, there was much resistance. I was a part of it, and I tried to assassinate him on many occasions, but over time it became clear that he wanted what was best for the Earth.” 

“I don’t believe you,” Thor challenged.  

“I don’t expect you do, but a lot has happened in the eight years you’ve been gone.” She stepped up to a door and opened it. “Please, after you.”  

Thor strode into the restaurant and looked around. “Where is Loki, I thought you were taking us to him?”  

“I am, but I didn’t say he would be joining us for lunch. Loki is in Europe at the moment, and we will be joining him there.” 

They were shown to a table and all sat down.  

“If Loki knew we were coming, why not open a portal to his location?” Volstagg asked.  

“Because I advised him not to,” Rhiannon explained. “From everything he’s told me about the Aesir, you’re a ‘hit first and ask questions later’ kind of people. I and others knew you wouldn’t believe anything Loki had to say, so we advised him to be elsewhere when you arrived. I volunteered to come and meet you, then as we journey to him, you can see for yourself how happy we are under his rule.”  

“No, it’s a trick,” Fandral said, but with a slight smile on his face, as though he expected Loki to pop out yelling ‘Surprise!’

“There is no trick,” Rhiannon assured them, looking to Sarah and Peter who nodded in agreement. 

“Honestly, life is way better now,” Sarah agreed.  

“And our wages have gone up like 70%. I think the average wage increase is about that too.” 

“And what do you do?” Thor asked them, sounding wary.  

“We’re police officers,” Sarah replied.  

“Don’t you have a uniform?”  

“I asked them not to wear it,” Rhiannon explained. “I thought it best if we all dressed casually.” 

“But what about weapons?” Hogun asked.  

“British police don’t carry guns,” Peter explained.  

“We have got Tasers,” Sarah offered, “although I seriously doubt that scares you lot.”  

Thor shuddered slightly but too much was happening for Rhiannon to ask the reason he disliked Tasers. 

“We’re here to make sure Rhiannon is safe, crowd control, that sort of thing.” Peter added, but Rhiannon wished he hadn’t said that.  

“Crowd control? Do you often get mobbed?” Fandral asked her.  

“Since her engagement to Loki was announced, she does,” Sarah offered.  

“You’re marrying Loki?” Sif sounded disgusted.  

“Yes,” Rhiannon said, no shame on her face at all; she might not have wanted to address this but she wasn’t ashamed. “The head of the London resistance is marrying the nasty invader she tried to kill three times. Is that okay with you?”  

Sif scoffed but Fandral laughed, asking, “Should I offer my congratulations?”  

“No need to sound so hesitant,” Rhiannon assured him. “I’m very happy with him.” 

“I think perhaps you’d better start at the beginning,” Thor suggested.  

***

December 2012

The plan had worked perfectly. Over the past few months Rhiannon and three of her comrades had worked their way into Loki’s personal staff and carefully, a little each day, smuggled in the explosives and equipment necessary to make a bomb. 

The electronic components they smuggled past security inside a mobile phone and the plastic explosive was moulded into the shape of a teddy bear and clipped onto her handbag, like a keyring. It had the consistency of plasticine or playdough and after being kept in the fridge overnight, was quite solid, she and the others just had to be careful not to knock it on anything. 

Rhiannon was employed as one of Loki’s secretaries, her job, along with five other women, was to distil reports from around the world into helpful bulletins for Loki, ranked in order of urgency. 

Rhiannon had got the job because as well English, she was fluent in Spanish, French and German, as well as knowing a little Portuguese and Dutch.

Her three co-conspirators were working as cleaners since that gave them access to his office, and some of the cleaning chemicals they used, such as acetone and hydrogen peroxide, could be used to make bombs and would increase the payload of their device. Each evening they cleaned his office and day by day, they built the bomb, sometimes hiding electrical components, sometimes hiding the plastic explosives. The cleaning fluids were being ordered a little at a time and would be brought to his office on the cleaning cart and would just be used to enhance the explosive power of the plastics. 

The cleaners worked in pairs and work schedules changed daily for security reasons, so those cleaning Loki‘s office weren’t always paired with a fellow rebel and able to leave supplies, but slowly they built up enough plastic explosives and they waited patiently until two of them were tasked with cleaning his office on the same night.

Since Loki’s timetable varied, Rhiannon’s task was too manually set off the bomb when he entered the office. She, along with the other translators, worked from an office near Loki’s so they were on hand for breaking news, and she had a clear view of him arriving each morning. 

That day she got in early so that the bomb could be detonated the moment Loki arrived, hopefully before he had any meetings so that no one else would be hurt. The bomb was in his desk so Loki would receive the full blast, while they had calculated that this building should be able to withstand the force of the bomb, although with the added cleaning chemicals, Rhiannon wasn’t as sure of that as she would have liked. It was possible that some people may be hurt but with a little luck, she was confident that Loki would be the only fatality. 

There had been other attempts on his life, of course, but they probably hadn’t planned as well as Rhiannon and her friends had, but she knew their plan was good and she really thought that they would succeed. She thought that the other assassination attempts had failed because of incompetence, or poor planning, or any number of mistakes which could derail even the best plans. 

Well her plan would not be derailed, she thought as she spied Loki walking past her office. She grabbed the detonator, which looked like a mobile phone and she jogged out of her office, walking behind Loki. 

It was still early so the place was quiet, most people who had arrived for work were in the breakroom, eating breakfast or topping up caffeine levels before they got started. She saw two other people in their offices as she passed them and she could only hope that they would be okay. 

Loki cut a very elegant figure in his suits and were he anything other than a monster, she would be admitting the view right now, but he was and she had a job to do. 

Her breathing was ragged and she did her best to control it, worried that even from ten feet away he might hear her, but he never turned around. His assistant wasn’t outside his office yet, and Rhiannon gave thanks that another person was out of danger. 

Loki entered his office and Rhiannon stopped moving as soon as his door closed. 

“One one-thousand,” she whispered. “Two one-thousand, three one-thousand.” The cleaning staff had carefully timed how long it took to walk from the door to sit behind the desk. “Seven one-thousand, eight one-thousand-”

Her sweaty thumb pressed the call button and . . . nothing happened. 

She pressed it again and again and again, stepping closer in case she was too far away, although this should work over a distance of 50 feet, she’d been told, and through walls. 

Then an almighty bang nocked her off her feet, just in time for a heavy wooden door to sail past where her head had been moments ago. 

They’d done it. They’d done it! People began to scream as she grinned. THEY’D DONE IT!!

It wasn’t until he walked out of his room, covered in soot and with his suit torn and scorched but otherwise unharmed, that the truth dawned on her. It wasn’t that those other people hadn’t failed or messed up, it was that human weapons couldn’t harm him. Well, maybe a nuke, but she didn’t have one of those handy. What she did have was the paring knife she had stolen from the kitchen weeks ago and stored in her desk.   

In for a penny, in for a pound, as her mum used to say, she got to her feet and with a primal scream, ran at him, the knife held before her.  

Needless to say, he stopped her with ease by grabbing her wrist.  

He looked furious but after a moment his features cleared as he recognised her and she would swear he looked hurt. 

She almost felt bad, after all, he had trusted her. But it didn’t matter how personable he was, he was an alien conqueror and he  deserved  to have his staff turn on him.

His features hardened once again but other than perhaps holding her wrist a little too tightly, he didn’t harm her, even although she kicked and struck at him in an attempt to get free.  

“Take her to the cells in the basement,” he told the security guards as they arrived. 

She was dragged away but she turned back as she heard Loki roar, just in time to see him put his fist through the wall beside his door. 

Although they hadn’t come into work, her friends and co-conspirators were quickly rounded up and placed in the cells beside her by lunchtime. 

She expected torture, or at least questioning. Instead her cell was reasonably comfortable, the food was the same as was served in the palace above and there were no screams of torture from the other prisoners. She kept asking what was happening but the guards wouldn’t tell her. 

After her second night in the cell she was taken out and she thought that now was when the horror would begin, especially when she was brought in front of Loki. The guards sat her down on a chair opposite the desk Loki sat behind, then they stood either side of her, guarding her in case she made a run for it, which, even with horrible odds, she was seriously considering.  

“Leave us,” Loki commanded and although the guards shared a look, they left the room.  

Loki watched her like predator and although she shifted uncomfortably in her seat, she stared back and tried not to show how frightened she was.  

Finally he sat forward. “Why did you try to kill me?” he asked his tone conversational, and perhaps a little confused.  

“You invaded my planet. You enslaved my people!” 

“I’m trying to help!” he yelled, slamming his fist on the desk and causing her to flinch. He seemed disgusted by her cowardice and he got up and began pacing.  

“We don’t need your help!” she yelled, finding her courage once again.

“Of course you do!” he snapped back. “Your politicians are corrupt, you place profit over human life, you allow the elite few to hoard your wealth and resources, you pollute your planet, harm and kill each other- I could go on. You need help. Help I can give.”  

“We believe in democracy and we didn’t elect you,  King  Loki.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Whatever you’re called, we will never agree to your rule because it’s undemocratic.”  

“Your system is flawed, your elected officials are out for themselves, not the people who elected them, and decisions are made via backroom deals, not the democratic process they would have you believe is happening.”  

“And you’re above it all?” she scoffed.  

“I simply want to make Midgard a better place.” 

“You can’t!”  

“I have,” he argued. “I’ve reversed as much damage to your atmosphere as I can, caused by your pollution. I’ve invested in new technologies, I have plans to improve the infrastructure globally, beginning with developing countries. Already drought and food shortages are almost a thing of the past.” 

“Yes, and people are working on those projects because you’re forcing them to! We are not slaves!”  

 “They aren’t slaves!” Loki growled. “They are paid a very fair wage for their work and no one has been forced into anything.”  

“Except living under your rule!” 

Loki gave an exasperated sigh and sat back down. “What would you do?” he demanded.  

“I don’t understand.”  

“If you were me, what would you do?”  

“Kill myself.” She glared at him. 

Loki glared right back. “Assume everything I’ve told you is true, that I want to help the people of Midgard, and that I have no suicidal tendencies. What would you do?”  

Rhiannon shook her head but the bark of laughter that usually accompanied such an action wouldn’t come, and instead she found herself actually considering the question. 

Then it occurred to her that he wanted something from her. 

“I’ll tell you, I’ll answer any weird and wonderful questions you may have, but only if you free my friends.”  

“The guards didn’t tell you? They’re already free.” 

“They’re…?”  

“Free, yes. No one was hurt so your only crime was property damage, and as you can see, I’ve already repaired that.”

He gestured around himself and she realised they were in the office that she had blown up, and it looked as good as new. She’d just assumed they were on a different floor or something. 

“Imprisoning you would only add credence to your claims that I’m a monster and I have no wish to martyr you or your friends.” He leaned his head back against his leather office chair and looked at the ceiling. “You can go too, if you wish. I don’t expect you’ll want to keep your job here, will you? It’s a shame, you were very professional.” 

“This is a trick.”  

“It’s not.” He looked over at her and sat forward. “Go on, go. Leave, see for yourself.” 

She didn’t move.  

“GO!” he yelled, bringing his hand down on the desk with such force that it sounded like a bullet and she flinched again, but that gave her the impetus she needed to leave so she ran from the room.  

She sprinted outside the building and found her friends waiting on the street. So he really had let them go.  

They seemed as bewildered by the turn of events as she was so they made their way to a local café so they could talk.  

They wondered if it was a trap, if perhaps they were bugged and were supposed to lead the authorities back to other members of the resistance, but they each went into the toilets and could find no bugs or homing devices.  

They bought new clothes and shoes anyway, dumping the old ones.  

They checked into a cheap hotel for a few nights but nothing happened, no strange people were seen watching or following them. Rhiannon even returned to the palace and waited outside a few times to see if they would follow her when she left, but nothing happened. She couldn’t help looking for signs of the blast while she dawdled though, although the only sign was some lighter bricks on the building’s exterior wall.

After a week her friends left London and returned to their families, but Rhiannon found herself returning to the palace.  

She knew now that Loki wasn’t going anywhere because human weapons simply didn’t kill him. A nuclear bomb might but since the news had reported they had all been disabled by some hackers, that was unlikely to be a viable option, for a while at least. So if Loki was their leader, then she could at least do something to help ensure that he ruled them well. What was the saying, if you can’t beat them, join them? 

She stood outside the palace for the best part of an hour, walking up and down the street, trying to pluck the courage up to approach. 

She’d been surprised when she’d heard that Loki had taken over St James's Palace rather than somewhere like Buckingham Palace or Westminster, somewhere more intimidating and with more prestige. Built in the 1500s St James’s was really rather modest for a palace. 

He’d eventually expanded to take over Clarence House, Lancaster House and York House and Rhiannon suspected it wouldn’t be long until he had to clear out more surrounding buildings as his staff needs increased. 

Finally she decided she was being an idiot and taking her confidence in hand, she strode up to the security guards and handed them her bag. She saw them looking for the little teddy keychain that used to be attached to her bag but they didn’t say anything to her, just searched the bag and handed it back. 

She nodded in thanks and approached the reception desk.

“I’d like to see Loki,” she told the Linda, the building’s receptionist.  

“Is he expecting you?” Linda sneered. She liked Loki. Most people here did, or they pretended to.  

“No, but he asked me a question and I have an answer for him.” 

“He’s busy today but if you want to take a seat, I might be able to find five minutes for you.”  

Rhiannon knew Linda had no intention of letting her see Loki, but she knew she must be notorious around here and if she sat in the lobby for long enough, word would eventually reach Loki.  

***

Loki was trying to suppress a smirk as Rhiannon was led into his office, although he wasn’t exactly trying hard.  

“Couldn’t stay away?” he asked. “Because I’m sorry to inform you, but we’ve filled your position.” 

“You asked me a question, I thought you might want to hear the answer.” 

Loki considered her for a moment, then gestured to the chair opposite. She sat down but perched on the edge, unsure how her words would be taken. She couldn’t help glancing around however, looking for any trace of the bomb blast. 

“Would you like refreshments?” he asked, the picture of civility. He was wearing another beautifully tailored suit again, one she would admire if it were anyone else wearing it. 

“No, thank you.” The civility of the encounter unnerved her but she was used to controlling her fear around him.  

“Straight down to business then. So what’s the answer, what would you do if you were me?”  

 “If you’re really serious about being a good leader, I’d fire almost everyone around you.”  

His head tilted to the side as he considered her. “Interesting. I can’t wait to hear your reasoning.”  

“You’re surrounded by sycophants and dilettantes,” she explained. “Everyone on Earth hates you, except those who could see that you were… inevitable, and to protect their own interests they sided with you. People like that never tell you the truth because the truth can alienate, they only ever say either what they think you want to hear, or what benefits them.”  

He seemed receptive to her idea and she wondered if it had occurred to him too. 

“So who would you suggest I replace them with?” he asked.

“People who want the best for Earth, maybe even people who don’t like you and will tell you the brutal truth.” 

“And where do I find such people?”  

“I’d start with the Avengers,” she told him. “You’ve got a Russian in the Black Widow, then you have someone who has travelled extensively, often living among the lower classes with the Hulk, a billionaire in Iron Man, an orphan raised in care with Hawkeye and,” she smiled slightly, “a pensioner in Captain America. They're a fairly diverse group.” 

“You know a lot about the Avengers,” he noted. 

“Most resistance fighters do, they’re our inspiration.”  

Loki’s smile widened.  

“I’d add a few more women to that list,” she continued, “Make the balance of your advisers 50/50.” 

“And people from other continents,” Loki added.  

“Of course,” she nodded. “But I was going to suggest you have representatives from different countries and regions form a council, so they can tell you what they need because while there’ll be a lot in common in what each region needs, England for example, will need vastly different things to, say, the Middle East.” 

“What does the Middle East need that England does not?”  

“ISIS needs to be stopped, everyone needs to stop bombing Syria, which also needs rebuilding. Some regions still have misogynistic things like honour killings, female genital mutilation, some places don’t let women go out alone or drive. And that’s just off the top of my head.”  

“Good advice indeed,” he flashed her a predatory smile. “Thank you for coming back.”  

She scowled, unwilling to acknowledge that she felt good being praised by this monster, or that she liked his smile.

“Thank you for seeing me,” she stood up. “And good luck.”  She got to her feet but Loki’s voice stopped her from leaving.  

“You’re wishing me luck?” 

She met his penetrating gaze. “If you mean what you say and you want to make Midgard a better place,” she shrugged. “I can’t kill you, so my only hope is that you’re telling the truth, in which case, good luck with it.” She turned and walked towards the door. 

“How would you feel about being one of my advisors?” Loki asked, stopping her in her tracks once more.  

Rhiannon turned back slowly.  

“Why?” 

“Because you’ve just proved that you can be brutally honest.”  

She wondered why she was hesitating. She hated this man, had hated him for 7 months in fact, so much so that she should just tell him to go to hell and storm out.  

Loki stood up and came around the desk.  

“You’re tempted,” he told her smugly. “You clearly have nothing to go home for or you wouldn’t have come back.” 

“I wanted-” 

“You could have sent a letter.”  

She stared at him as he approached, feeling rather like prey that was being stalked by a predator. It wasn’t a bad feeling though, more . . . exciting.  

“I have a life to go back to, a job, a home-” 

“But I can give your life purpose. If you work with me, you can literally change the world.” He passed behind her and her breath caught in her throat as she imagined him speaking directly into her ear with his silky-smooth voice. “How many people can say that?”  

“What are the terms?” she found herself asking.  

Loki came back into her eyeline and shrugged. “A hundred thousand pounds a year, accommodation provided, you’ll have to travel with me most of the time.” 

Her jaw dropped open in shock. “Is that what you’re paying your advisers right now?” 

“The lesser ones, why?”  

“That’s at least three times what teachers earn! And for what, giving you an opinion now and then?”  

Loki’s mirth fled and Rhiannon felt a frisson of fear.  

“What?” he demanded.  

“You want to pay me three times what a teacher earns for a fraction of the work.”

Loki looked appalled. “These people teach your children! They are quite literally entrusted with the future of your civilisation, and you expect to attract the best by paying them a pittance?” 

“No, I don’t, but teachers pay wasn’t my decision.” 

“Well your government’s then, why do they pay so little?”  

“I suppose because they can, because they don’t value teachers, and they don’t have the money to pay much.” 

“Why not? Your economy is thriving.”  

“True, but when the richest one percent in the world are hoarding half of the world’s wealth for themselves, then have the gall to use tax havens to hide trillions, it’s easy to understand why governments aren’t as rich as they could be.” 

“Why don’t your lawmakers do something about it?” he demanded.  

“Have you looked around your followers, Loki?” she demanded, starting to lose her cool now. “They are all part of the one percent, and they’ve all sucked up to you so that you let them keep their billions. Who gave you this place,” she gestured to the building around them. “Do you think most Londoners live in places with 60 rooms? Newsflash, they don’t. Most people who work in London can’t actually afford to live here, because rents are too high and wages too low, and no one but the super-rich can afford to actually buy a London property. You were given this place, and all the others you stay in, by wealthy people to keep you sweet, and guess what? It worked!”  

“One percent own half of the world’s wealth?” he asked.  

“Yes.”  

“No wonder your teachers are so poorly paid.” 

[apathetic-revenant]

heyo yesterday I finished the third and currently last of Becky Chambers’s Wayfarers books and I just wanna gush for a minute because I love them

it’s a sci-fi series taking place far in the future; a long time ago humanity screwed up Earth too bad to live on anymore, so some rich people fucked off to Mars with a bunch of cattle (a very expensive luxury in space) and the rest built the Exodus Fleet, a bunch of big generation ships that set off into space looking for another place to settle. eventually they did find other life, and the series is set some five generations or so after that, with humans running around all over the galaxy with everyone else as part of the Galactic Commons.

it’s more a set-in-a-shared-universe series than a series of direct sequels; there’s some distant overlapping of characters and events but each book is very much off in its own sphere. (though a big part of the climax of the first book gets spoiled by the other two, so I’d def recommend you read that one first.)

the first one, The Long Way To A Small Angry Planet, is about the crew of a ship that makes wormhole tunnels and gets contracted to make a long journey to open one in some new and dangerous territory. A Closed and Common Orbit is split between two timelines: the present one deals with the struggles of an AI designed to be installed on a ship now having to adjust to live in an android body, while the past one details the childhood of her close friend, who was an escaped child slave on a dystopian planet. Record of a Spaceborn Few follows the lives of an initially unrelated group of people living in the Exodus Fleet, which is still populated and in orbit around a sun, and has its own unique society that’s built up over time, but everyone’s now dealing with the existential questions of what they should do now, and what the point of the Fleet really is, and how they’re being affected by all this contact from outside.

these are not hard sci-fi. if you like your sci-fi super grounded and technical, then I can’t say these are the books for you, most likely. this is the kind of sci-fi that’s not concerned so much with how the spaceships work; it’s concerned with what the life of someone who lives on a spaceship would look like. personally, it’s the kind of worldbuilding I love, the kind that’s concerned with questions like “what music do people listen to? what’s their fast food, and what’s their good dinner-with-company food, and what do they drink when they get up in the morning? what kind of kid’s shows do you have with VR technology? how do people mourn their dead, how do they provide for each other, how do they communicate, how do they decorate their rooms?”

and the aliens! there are so many great aliens and so many great discussions about social and biological differences. you’ve got aliens with very different relationships to gender, and relationships and family and child-rearing, and communication and religion, but also just lots of little things like “what hygiene products do you buy when you’re a humanoid reptile who sheds their scales periodically?”

but more than any of that what I love about these books is just the way the plots are handled, and what they focus on. there are ongoing plots, to be sure, that build up to exciting things, but the focus of the writing is on the people. their interactions, the way they see the world, how they feel about things. the books don’t feel like they’re about plots, they feel like they’re about the lives of people who just happen to be going through some interesting things at the moment. I was really struck by how many scenes there are that I wouldn’t expect to see in most books because they don’t drive the plot forward in a traditional manner. just people talking and bonding over things, exploring the world, having new experiences--these are books that understand the importance of little things, and quiet moments, and don’t feel the need to constantly remind you of the stakes or drive up the suspense. and they don’t skip over the reactions of the characters when big things happen in their lives. things happen, and people have to grapple with them. pain or struggle, both emotional and physical, isn’t swept aside.

and they’re...hopeful. quietly hopeful. Earth was ruined, yes, and everyone had to leave, but humanity carried on, and by and large, they decided to do better. humans are still humans, and plenty of them are still out there being terrible, but some of them went “you know what? we fucked up, and we’re going to learn from that. we’re going to make a society that cares for everyone in it, because we’ve seen what happens when you don’t do that.” there are still wars, and conflict, and misunderstandings, and rich assholes ruining things for everyone, but there’s also life, persisting and growing; there are people who have gone back and are trying to fix Earth again and they have hope that someday they will; and there are people of different species coming together to learn about each other, and help each other out, and love each other.

lemme tell you something: I picked the first book up mostly on a whim. I was in a Barnes and Noble, and I was feeling better than I had but very much still recovering, and it was January and dark and cold and all I could think about was how pointless it felt to be there because I used to love to read but after so long being depressed I just didn’t anymore, and why bother buying a book because I wasn’t going to read it anyway. but I’d heard the name and I’d heard that it was good so I got it and then, for the first time in ages, I didn’t just read something, I blitzed right through it. and loved it so much I had to get my hands on the next two as soon as possible. I wanted to read those books like I hadn’t wanted to read anything for a long time, and it felt amazing.

these books are very enjoyable reads, and they did something good for my soul, and if you like speculative fiction, or just like damn good stories about people, I highly recommend you check them out.

[frustrated-writer-skyeknight]

My OCs I'm still struggling to rewrite in my original story.

Here’s the plot so far and in a hiatus lol

🔥

“Thank you for your patronage!” Kyl beams, accepting a payment. “please come again.”

The woman smiles back in response, giving her own thanks before leaving the bakery. As soon as she steps out the shop, the boy sighs in relief, thankful that the last customer he had to deal with today was a mild elderly.

Kyl lets his smile fall with a heavy sigh, massaging his jaw with a hand. He huffs, running a hand through his hair, still peeved about a particularly irksome situation from the morning. He does what he can to give courteous and fair treatment to all customers, but that didn't make it any less aggravating to be polite to the brutes who intentionally made his job difficult, just to mess with him, for spending most of his time inside the bakery.

He knew he was different from most boys his age. Even his friends back home has ambitions of becoming knights or mercenaries in guilds, any job that meant action and adventure. Some of them don’t necessarily have a goal, but are still keen on mastering a weapon of sorts to be able to see the world as a wandering explorer.

As for Kyl, it wasn't that he found it completely satisfying to be a baker, and while he does see the appeal of the excitement that comes with the lifestyle aspired by his friends, compared to his own repetitive routine as a baker, he considers the peace it brings comforting enough. Kyl figured that if he was going to settle with being a baker for the rest of his life, he might as well learn how to deal with a wider range of customers.

Right now, he was assisting his uncle Teodor in his branch.

Teodor was like any typical Hearth family man. He was devoted to his craft, which only came second to his family. Even if it means being short on help, he wouldn’t let his wife, Myrah, lift a finger when she wasn’t in the best condition to do so. He did his best to replicate Myrah’s special recipes for some of their regular customers, but he wasn’t having much luck. The next person who could come close to baking them was his youngest nephew, Kyl. That was why he was here.

Kyl has a lot of relatives and they handle their own branch in their respective hometowns. Although not famous to get nationwide recognition, each was doing well. This was the first time that he was away from home for a long period. Because of a recent brawl which resulted in Myrah’s bad back, they were short staffed. Even though they were just three, they got by well enough. And it wasn't like there were never instances in the past that only two of the three would be the ones working the shop. It was especially the case back when Dru was a young toddler and prone to fever every now and then. Teodor had his fair share of moments when his blood pressure was too high and he needed rest to relieve his stress. But that never took a while, and they'd recover in a few days. This was the first time there needed to be a full month of resting for recovery, and neither Teodor nor his son could compete with Myrah in baking particular products even if they follow her recipe. But somehow, Kyl can come close.

Asides from lending a helping hand, Kyl was curious to find out the different challenges his relatives here faced, since they reside in a larger town. In a way, it was a welcomed change of pace from his dull routine back home. Since his hometown seemed more like a small, remote village than anything else, with a grand total of twenty houses, everyone was a regular customer, and it seemed like they had a fixed time when it came to making a purchase. But Kyl could also see the downside working where business had to be fast-paced in some parts of the day.

On his first day working with them, Kyl was overwhelmed by the number of customers alone and how fast they expected him to serve them. The orders and deliveries almost made him break down. If it wasn't for his cousin, it might have actually happen.

Dru was older than Kyl, and to an extent, taller. His height wasn’t the only thing big about him. Because of the sacks of flour he regularly carried to and from the storage, plus the dough kneading he does daily gave him well-developed biceps and he maintained an admirable muscle tone. That, with his dark, brown hair, and warm chocolate eyes, reels in the young ladies into their shop, sometimes mostly to gaze upon him than to buy bread. With his gangly physique and awkwardly tousled light brown locks, Kyl was envious and can only hope to grow into the same built. His only noteworthy quality in terms of appearance were his green eyes.

Kyl wonders if body size affected temper because his dad had a similar large build, and they both tended to be a bit of a hot-head at certain times. Kyl figured it could also be due to because life in a bigger town being more stressful in comparison to remote villages like his own. His dad said that he used to live in a bigger town in his youth, and he had violent tendencies back then. His cousin wasn’t necessarily violent though, and was nice enough when it mattered. For instance, even when he made a show of how it peeved him to have to pick up after him, Dru made sure Kyl got some learning experience out of it and guided him through it so he could do better the next time around.

He had claimed, “I don't want to keep doing your workload for you, brat, so get it right next time.”

But Kyl realized that his cousin guided him during his entire time with them, at least more than Teodor even when he was present to take over anytime if Dru really didn't want to. Just like this morning with those troublesome guys. While he was given an idea what to expect from difficult customers they usually encountered, he didn’t think handling patrons like those guys would be as irksome as it had been. He almost snapped back at them before Dru showed up and took care of it himself.

His cousin didn't even go about lecturing him about proper work etiquette afterwards, didn't push the point about treating customers nicely at all times like Kyl expected him to.

“People can be jerks without being aware of it,” Dru had said, ruffling Kyl's hair. “don't let them win by showing them how affected you are.”

In the end, Kyl found that he enjoyed the experience in spite of the hardships and difficulties. Plus, he enjoyed spending time with these particular relatives again since the last time had only been a three day visit when he was a toddler. He was almost sorry that he would be returning to the repetitive routine of his small village life soon. But at the very least he would be comforted by how peaceful it was compared to all this.

“Good work today, boys.”

Teodor comes out of the kitchen with Dru, each carrying two small baskets of bread. One basket seemed to have more bread than the other. But while they differ in quantity, their contents remained similar. Both contained , flat leaven manchets, rounder oatcakes known as clapbread made by Dru who can bake them best with a little spicy flare to it, the usual staple white cockets and powdered biscuits, Kyl version, because it didn't exactly capture the taste Myrah manages and only came close. Still, the youngest Hearth felt accomplished that it still sold well, even if it wasn't sold out the way Myrah's batch would've been.

I'm still not done preparing the batch for the local orphanage, but I can take care of it myself. You two handle the priorities for today.”

At the end of each day, the Hearth family always make it a point to give out their leftovers to the less fortunate. It was what Kyl's great grandfather always believed in, that kindness and acts of it goes a long way.

Kindness is the most hopeful provocation, He used to say.

Teodor hands them two sheets of paper. One sheet had a family name written down along with the name of their members plus an address. Then as Kyl looks over his cousin's shoulder, he noticed that the other piece of paper was a slip more than a sheet. It wasn't constructed the same way the other was either. There was only a single word written.

Kean.

There were only two reasons why a person would not have a last name. Either he was a grown orphan, or beings called a Mana user. Humanesque creatures with a questionable place in society. Kyl has never met one before, but from what he can gather by the gossips heard at the town square and the opinions of his family was that they do not contribute much to society, but at the same time, they did not require anything from it either. They seemed to exist for the sake of existence itself. However, since society cannot get anything from them some people find it meaningless for them to exist at all. Until much recently, a law regarding no tolerance for discriminatory acts did not extend to Mana users. Closer study implies that most riots arise due to the instigators’ acts of reproach towards the mentioned Mana users. Therefore, for the sake of holding the peace, a proposal to revise this law was underway.

By this provocation, the instigators are making the most of the time left that they can mistreat the Mana users without consequences.

“Kean...” Kyl mutters, finding that the name was familiar. He mentioned his musings, ‘did he come to the shop recently?’ he wonders. “Did I write a receipt for him, or...”

Dru makes a look. “Yes, because Mana users carry money despite not having jobs.”

“Do they?”

Dru gapes, checking if Kyl wasn't just pulling his leg. He forgot that growing up in a small village had the tendency to make people ignorant of common knowledge in larger areas. Plus, this was Kyl. While he didn't live in the province and just at a small village he could be pegged for a country bumpkin with his level of ignorance.

Teodor smacks his son upside on the head in reprove. “Druant, be nice to your cousin.” he scolds, and Dru realizes he said that out loud by the way Kyl is glaring at him. “Anyway, the answer is no. They don't. It's unlikely because Mana users don't seem to need the same bare necessities that we do. That being said, they don't require money. And the name should be familiar because I mentioned him to you once when we talked about your aunt's case.”

“Oh yeah,” Kyl says. “You said there was a fight. Was this Kean guy involved?”

Teodor nods, “You could say that. While your aunt was the unintended victim, Kean was the targeted one.”

“Except mom seemed have gotten the worse of it.” Dru scoffs.

Theodore frowns at his son. “We don't know that for sure. The fighting stopped when they realized they’ve injured someone else as well.” He says. “We haven’t seen Kean after so we don't know how he came out of it. That’s why he's a priority tonight. It occurred to Myrah and she wants to have it checked out.”

“If we find him,” Dru quips. “Come on, Kyl. Let's get going.”

Teodor calls out after them, “Don’t stay out too long,” he says, “the last thing I need is to tell Myrah you guys were found dead on the streets chewed on by some wild animal.”

“Wait, what?” Kyl blinks, turning back. “what wild animal?”

Teodor laughs, and Kyl figured he was teasing him. He scowls while Dru snickers, “How simple.”

🔥

Once they were outside, Dru opens his mouth and tries to say something. But figuring out what it was, Kyl beats him to it.

“Yeah, I can take Kean’s basket.” He says.

“I, uh…” Dru blinks, his mouth moving wordlessly before he simply nods. “Yeah… okay, thanks.” He gives Kyl the basket with the lesser bread.

Kyl pauses, as if in thought, before speaking once more. “You don't happen to agree with those who beat up this Kean guy, do you?”

“H-huh? Oh…” Dru mutters, worrying his lower lip. “Um, well, of course I don't like it that they started that whole fight because of it. I mean, mom got hurt and…”

Kyl narrows his eyes, “You know that wasn't the question.” He says. “Do you hate their kind, too?”

Since he hasn't really encountered one yet himself, Kyl doesn’t have any real sentiments towards Mana users. However, if they weren’t actually hurting anyone he didn't see how it was justifiable to hurt them or anyone, generally speaking, just because they weren't actively involved in society. He can understand getting annoyed, but anger was a little extreme for him.

“I…” Dru starts before sighing, “look kid, don't get me wrong. I don't hate Mana users, if that's what you mean. At least… I don't think I do. But if you've seen one up close, with the blank look in their eyes as if they weren't even alive… I don't know. It's creepy.”

“I see. But you know, it's okay to be scared. Pretty sure even Knights get like that, I'd be surprised if they didn't.” Kyl says. “I don't think you’d be disqualified just for that.”

“Huh?” Dru's eyes widens. “what are you—”

Kyl rolls his eyes, “Dru, I'm not as simple as you think. I've seen you training late at night when you're supposed to be sleeping like the rest of us. And the bulletin board at the square mentioned needs for recruits.” He says. “It doesn’t take a genius to figure things out.”

“Kyl, you can’t tell dad or mom about this, you hear?”

Kyl frowns. “If I wanted to be a rat, I would’ve mentioned it the first time I saw you training after taking a piss. You really could’ve picked a better, more hidden place to do that if you didn’t wanna be caught, by the way.” He says. “but they’re gonna find out what you're up to anyway, especially once you sign up. And sure, maybe he'll be a bit sad that you're not interested in baking full-time, but I don't think uncle would forbid you if that’s what you really want.”

“Yeah. If. That’s the key word.” Dru sighs, shaking his head. “I’m not really sure what I want either. But I do know there’s more I want to do than be a baker for the rest of my life. I mean, maybe I wouldn’t mind retiring as one. But that’s definitely not all I want to do. You live in a small village, maybe you’re happy with how simple that is. But come on, you can’t tell me that you never thought about it.”

Kyl shifts his weight absently, not sure what to say. “We better get going, don’t you think?” He didn’t wait for a response, already turning and walking off.

Forgetting about one minor detail.

🔥

Kyl groans, berating himself. He forgot that he had no idea where to even look for this Kean fellow. These were the moments that Dru could be justified for calling him simple. Even having a vague description of this guy might’ve been helpful, seeing as those he was asking didn’t care much to give him any useful leads. All he got so far for his efforts were either questioning looks or scorn. He gave up asking when he got the latter, and settled for just winging it. Stopping once more to rest, he leans against a wall of some random home. He’s pretty sure he searched the entire town, at one point he even got lost because some of the houses look the same: two-storey, beige cedars with mahogany doors and red roofs. He had to back track towards the main square to get his bearings.

At the moment, all he can assume was that this guy was homeless with the lack of address, maybe even a hermit if he was the only Mana user in town—or out of town, if that were the case. Kyl definitely wouldn’t want to stay in a place where he was treated poorly. Earlier, somebody did suggest that he ask the last people to have an encounter with him, but the boy had suspicions that they were the cause for his aunt Myrah's condition in the first place and also made her concerned for the guy’s well-being and he definitely didn’t want to have a run in with those types himself.

Therefore, he settled for walking all over town and hoping he gets lucky.

The sun was setting and each step Kyl took was getting heavier. He wasn’t any closer to finding his priority assignment than he was hours ago and it was already passed supper. Certainly, he could’ve just taken some of the bread from the leftover basket but since it wasn’t meant for him, all the more for someone less fortunate than him, it didn’t seem right to Kyl to do that even if he was feeling rather unlucky at that moment. Yet he was exhausted. Still, he didn’t want the bread to go to waste but he wasn’t going to consume them himself. He figured he probably had time to search for someone else before it got too dark.

Just when he turns to the next corner, he finds himself falling forward. Kyl yelps as the contents of the basket were sent flying. The boy groans, pushing back brown fringes from his eyes. He huffed, brushing his hair back.

“Ow…” He winces, getting up slowly. He’s pretty certain he had a scratch or two. ‘I should really watch where I’m going.’ He thought. He gets back on his feet and pats what dirt he can from his trousers. ‘what did I even trip on? It felt thick…’ he muses. He scans the area and a scream catches on his throat. “AH!” Kyl breaks into a cold sweat under a second, and he was legs suddenly felt boneless. Nevertheless, he was about to make a run for it when his conscience caught up with him.

It was a dead body.

As much as he was tempted to do so, he couldn’t just leave it there. Slowly, he approaches the body, making sure there were actually no wild animal that, in hindsight, his uncle might not have been completely joking about. As he got nearer, he realizes that it wasn’t a corpse. At least, the body still felt warm. It was easy to think the person was dead, though. The guy, as it seems to be, was completely motionless that even his chest seemed like it wasn’t moving. The indication that he was, in fact, still among the living was the low moans that escaped his mouth.

Kyl sighs, running a hand through his hair. ‘Well, he’s alive. Now what?’

He couldn’t very well leave this person lying here. He could take him to the nearest clinic but that was right across from the East side square, which was on the other side of town. He considers taking him back with him. His aunt was almost fully recovered so he wonders if his uncle would appreciate another patient to care for.

‘Well… as dad always say, "you’re not a Hearth if you’ve got no heart…."’

Decided, Kyl hefts the guy up, slinging his arm carefully over his shoulder, and wraps his own arm around the stranger’s waist. There was a sound of thunder and the skies grew darker by the time he saw the roof of the bakery.

🔥

Despite their collective surprise, and forgetting their worry on why he was late, they didn’t make much of a fuss when Kyl brought in the guy he found. Teodor didn’t mind caring for another infirm but he was a bit upset about the bread but he eventually got over it.

“Can’t do anything about it anymore, after all.” He says.

Dru was fine with it as long as he didn’t have to share his bed with the guy. Kyl figures it was only fair and he wasn’t oppose to sharing. The guest room wasn’t his own room, after all. After that matter was settled, Kyl went to take a bath and have something quick to eat since it was late and he didn’t want to sleep on a full stomach. Myrah was finished giving the stranger a sponge bath by the time Kyl returned to his borrowed room.

“Hasn’t he woken up yet?”

Myrah shakes her head, “No, but I've taken care of his injuries. No broken bones, which is a relief. He’ll be fine after some rest.”

Kyl smiles. “That’s good to hear,” he sighs. “I’m just glad it wasn’t a dead body mangled by some random wild animal.”

“Your uncle said something again?”

Kyl blinks, “Again?” he repeats. Myrah just chuckles in response and the boy decides to drop it. “Anyway, I’m sorry to have bothered you with this while you’ve just recovered, auntie.”

“Oh, it’s nothing.” Myrah says with a careless wave of her hand, “my back doesn’t even hurt anymore, and I couldn’t leave this to your uncle or Dru. Those two are hopeless when it comes to tender care.” She rolls her eyes.

Kyl smiles slightly, “Is that why you keep calling me specifically for those massages?”

“Bingo.” Myrah winks, “You know, it’s a bit funny that I had your uncle make sure you get Kean some bread and you ended up bring him home without the bread.”

Kyl cringes, thinking that his family really valued their bread. Then, he starts. “That’s Kean?!”

“Oh goodness, you didn’t know?”

Kyl shakes his head, rubbing the back of his neck. “Yeah… not at all.”

“Didn’t the hair tip you off? I mean, it’s blue.”

Although there was no explanation, at least none publicly known, all Mana users seemed to have unnatural hair color. In the back of his mind, Kyl did question it once he returned. But since it was dark out earlier, he didn’t notice it at first. He thought the guy had black hair, because the hue was of a darker shade, almost like cobalt. Still, that was the notable difference. When it came to physique, they were similar except Kyl may be more well-toned in comparison, as a result to hours baking.

“I’ll remember that next time.”

“Nnh…”

Kyl and Myrah turns toward the bed. “Oh, he’s waking up.”

Eyes opens slowly, and Kyl understands now what Dru meant earlier. Their eyes really did have an eerie feeling to it, but for some reasons, this made the boy intrigued rather than scared.

“Where am I?”

🔥

Kean’s bleary eyes finds two individuals standing before him, and he recognizes the woman. She had been there when those townsfolk attacked him, but he has never seen the boy before.

“Miss Myrah, hello.” He sits up.

Myrah smiles, walking over to comb his hair back. Kean just continues staring, even while she examines some remnants of wounds that, he notices, were treated. He figures that those needed more time to heal. She didn’t seem to mind Kean’s lack of concern with that way she pokes around his injuries, already expecting the stoic response. Most Mana users, if not all, seemed to possess the quality.

“It’s good to see you awake, Kean. I wondered what happened to you after our last meeting.”

Kean’s expression remained blank. “I am sorry to have caused you worry.” He says with a curt tip of his head. “May I ask how I was brought here though?”

“Ah, that would be my doing, mate.” Kyl answers, “I found you passed out and decided to bring you home.” He grins. “Perfect timing, too. Just before you got caught by the rain and end up sick with the cold.”

Kean replies, “Oh, Mana users do not get sick the way humans do. So it did not really make a difference,” he says. “you could say it was pointless.”

Kyl stares at the Mana user, not having a response for that take on his act of kindness. Myrah watches her nephew, trying not to smile. She may have an idea what was going through his mind.

“Thank you, anyway.”

“Um, wow. Okay,” The boy feels like he should be irritated or something akin to that. However, he found himself just wondering what was the matter with the guy. “Can you say it like you mean it, at least? I mean, with more... conviction.”

Kean’s tone remained as is when he responds. “Oh, okay. I am truly grateful for the unnecessary aid to my predicament even while I was unaware of the needless attempt.”

“Er,” Somehow, Kyle felt even worse than he was with Kean’s first response. “‘Truly grateful’ is not shown on your face at all…” his shoulders sags.

Myrah couldn’t help it this time. She laughs.

🔥

The following day was definitely an interesting one.

During breakfast, Kean was refusing a big portion of the meal Teodor was insisting on him because the man found Kean simply too thin for a boy his age. The Mana user reminded him that they don’t age the way humans do. In addition to that, they did not require an intake of nutrients gained from food consumption since, according to him, 'Simple meditation to be one with nature' was sufficient to keep them going. Both Kyl and Dru shared the same expression; their eyebrows were furrowed, and they had creases on their forehead, staring at Kean first then at each other as if trying to make sense of that explanation. Nevertheless, Teodor still made Kean eat with the notion, 'As long as you can eat, eat. We get food from nature, too.'

Kean had no argument for that.

Afterwards, when Myrah found the poor condition Kean’s clothes were in she had him try on some of Dru’s old clothes. The one closest to his size and proportions was still slightly big on him so she had it adjusted. After putting it off long enough, they finally opened shop an hour later than usual. Teodor said it wasn’t really a problem since the month was almost up and they already made their quota. Kean offered his help since they did delay on his behalf.

That’s when things turned eventful.

Kyl knew that Mana users had strange abilities, but like most things about them, he never really understood exactly how strange. While he didn’t have to mention it out loud, Dru wasn’t wrong in his thinking that living in a small, almost secluded village tended to result in a certain degree of ignorance. Kyl’s first time witnessing these abilities happened by watching Kean all throughout the day.

First, it was with the wooden stove they used for baking. Since it rained last night and they forgot to cover their firewood, Dru and Kyl had a difficult time getting a fire going. Kean decided to lend a hand and ended up overdoing it. Dru and Kyl did stand a little too close, curious to see what Kean would do. He burned the wood a little more than what was necessary, and the fire quickly rose. It consumed the stack of wood and due to the water, the crackling of wood also came with bursts of ashes. Fortunately, no one was hurt and Dru managed to close the steel door to tame the flame before it could escalate. Because of that though, he ended up covered in ash himself. Kyl couldn’t help but laugh even while he was a mess himself, since it wasn’t compared to Dru who almost resembled some kind of gigantic charcoal. The older Hearth didn’t know whether to be more upset with Kean or Kyl. But since the Mana user was giving his apologies, no matter how bland the tone, while his cousin was just laughing his head off he decided that Kyl would be doing most of the dough kneading for the day.

After the initial rush hour, they took a break. While Kean and Kyl were passing by the foyer when they saw Myrah frowning and nagging Teodor over some Orientalis out the back door. Apparently, the flower patches were all wilting because, according to her, Teodor didn’t water them as constantly as he was supposed to. Seeing her distress, Kean steps forward and, with a wave of his hand, he revived the dead flowers, regaining their pinkish vibrancy along with a translucent glow, as if they were freshly bloomed. Myrah widened her eyes before running towards Kean to embrace him in gratitude. Teodor sighed in relief, mouthing his own thanks.

The next event transpired shortly after Teodor declared that they no longer have to bake more bread to replenish their stocks for the day. Kyl and Kean was given the task of organizing the kitchen and take inventory of the remaining ingredients while Dru helped his father in the shop. The ladder was misplaced when the boys went into storage so Kyl had no way of checking the top shelves. Before Kyl could ask Kean to look for it while he double checks the lower shelves to make sure their listings were accurate, the Mana user brought his palms together and blew on them. Kyl eyed him questioningly before he felt light all of the sudden and the next thing he knew, he was floating weightlessly off the ground and higher into the air. Kyl freaked out when his hands reached the ceiling and forgot all about taking inventory; when Dru went to check what the noise was about, he almost had a heart attack. With his attention diverted because of that, Kean ended up dropping Kyl on his cousin.

Finally, Kean and Kyl were sent out to give the day’s leftovers to the chosen priorities. As a precaution, Myrah gave Kean a cloak to wear so those fellows who beat him up before wouldn’t be able to recognize him. Just when they were on their way home, it started to rain once more. Kyl managed to find a tree to stay under, and while they were still being rained on, it wasn’t as bad as when they were out in the open. He suggested waiting it out but then, he saw Kean out there and on the spot he stood, the rain seemed to go around it. He beckoned for him to step out, and after a brief moment of hesitation, he stepped out. The hand outstretched towards Kyl glowed and now, the rain avoided Kyle as well. With that, they made their way back.

However, Kyl was certain that the cloak didn’t serve it’s purpose of concealment after that stunt.

🔥

Kean and Kyl were resting up when they got home, just waiting for supper to be ready. Kyl decided he would work on his swordsmanship since he was returning home tomorrow.

Arriving was simple, since he had a special transportation to get him there directly. At home, despite not having much to brag about, they did have farms that specialized in breeding Aero Aves, large birds that have a gentle nature and have impressive homing instincts. Licensed agencies train these birds to carry passengers along with their packed belongings to long or short distances. But at the time, they only had money for Kyl to take a one-way trip service. There were additional fees if the traveler wanted to have the Aero Aves to come back for a return service. Furthermore, since he was journeying home on his own this time around, he would have to leave town. In spite of it’s large size, the town didn’t have its own port. Therefore, he would have to travel on foot first to the nearest town his uncle said had one so there was a chance Kyl would be running into some trouble.

Myrah wanted to request for an adventurer escort from the local guild, but Kyl refused. For one moment in this trip away from home, he wanted the accomplishment of doing something independently. Still, he did hope that the road to the next town didn’t have wild animals or, worse, strong monsters. He knew that monsters do not normally attack humans unless provoked. As long as he kept to the main road, he would be okay. However, he also needed to consider robbers. Although, in between baking and deliveries, he couldn’t find time nor energy to train regularly so he hoped he wouldn’t be having any of those encounters at all.

“Kyl, are you heading outside?” Kean speaks up just as Kyl was half way out the door, “has the rain stopped?”

“I think so,” Kyl replies, “I just wanna train a bit to prepare for traveling tomorrow. But auntie would kill me if I use my sword inside.”

Kean tilts his head to the side, “I do not believe miss Myrah is capable of such atrocious acts, such is not compatible to her kind nature.” He says flatly.

“Atro…” Kyl frowns, brows creasing before shaking his head. “No, uh, I mean… well, it’s cramped up in here as it is. I’m gonna need more space to move around better.”

Kean nods in understanding, “I see. An open area is optimal for such actions. I’ll accompany you since, yes, I agree. It is cramped inside.”

“Uh... huh?” Kyl was lost for a moment, giving the Mana user time to walk pass him and towards the back exit of the house. “Well, okay then.” He shakes his head before following Kean out.

When they got to the back of the house, just a few feet away from the storage. Kyl starts by working on his stance and repeating basic movements to warm up. After which, he tries to envision possible scenarios, recalling the common wolves that would attack travelers and thinking of the tips his dad gave him on how to handle such an encounter. When he was satisfied enough, he went on to wielding his sword and hitting his imaginary enemy with the blunt side. If he ever did encounter robbers, he didn’t feel good about killing them. He did not believe it was his place to decide who should die. He keeps this up until he his attention was finally drawn by Kean, settled on top of a water barrel. By his still position, Kyl could guess that this was him in meditation, the breathing seemed to follow a rhythm as well. That was when he recalls the conversation from breakfast.

“Is that really filling for you?”

Kean pauses, mid-exhale. He slowly blinks his eyes open, finding where Kyl stood.

‘Er, maybe I shouldn’t have interrupted?’ Kyl winces, rubbing the back of his head. ‘It is meditation, after all…’

If Kean was perturbed by being broken out of his concentration, it didn’t show. “For something to be filling,” he starts. “there must be a containment variable. I am not a container.”

The boy finds that he was getting used to the way Kean spoke, “No, I mean…” he pauses to think, “does it make you… well… not hungry?”

“Mana users do not really experience hunger.” Kean replies, “For humans, food is necessity for the recuperation of energy and nourishment along with water. Internally, my body does not require those intake. However, similar to you, I do require hydration as do all living things in nature. What I am doing now is sufficient in terms of sustenance, if in any circumstances I neglect my meditation practice I would feel sluggish till I am able to do so again.”

Kyl frowns, scratching the lower part of his chin. 'Isn't that similar to hunger in essence?' he wonders, “But then, you're still able to eat food, so...”

“That's because, as sir Teodor stated, food came from nature after certain alterations so I am able to consume them, similar to how I can consume water the way you do. In addition, our anatomy are similar except we do not possess cells and the like.”

“You really need to use small words, Kean.” Kyl sighs, suddenly losing energy to train. “It's hard to keep up with you. How are Mana users different from humans when we look the same?”

Kean pauses, as if in thought, before responding. “You know what Mana is, right?”

“Uh,” Kyl thinks about it, “it's like magic, right?” he says, sheathing his sword.

Kean shakes his head, “No. Mana is considered the power of the elemental forces in nature. Fire, water, wind, and Earth. It is easily understood that Mana users are able to manipulate this power. But what is not known by most humans is that Mana users are Mana themselves.”

“Huh?! You're Mana?”

Kean nods, “Humans possess a certain type of acid that connects them to their roots. Consequently, as we do not possess the same substance, the concept of family does not exist in our kind.” he explains.

“No family?” Kyl frowns, “Then how were you born?”

“I was not born, as such would require a mother and father role. I was formed.” Kean corrects, “Mana users come to be when there is a large amount of Mana force in a given area. Sometimes, we rise from the sea. If that happens then the user would be limited to manipulating water elements. Alternatively, if we come from a volcanic area, then fire elements would be the limitation. In addition, we would have corresponding nullifying effects to their elemental adept. A fire adept are incapable of being burned, and a water adept would be capable of breathing underwater.”

“Huh, well, I guess that makes sense... somehow. I mean, I got the gist and all.” Kyl hums, “But wait, how are you able to control all four elements?” he questions, recalling the events of the day. “Are some specialized Mana users like that? Is there a name for that?”

At this, Kean says nothing. Instead, he looks down in contemplation.

“Uhm, did I say something wrong?”

Kean shakes his head. “No, I just do not have an immediate answer so I was thinking how to respond,” he says, “To be honest, I cannot know the exact area where I came to be. This is one of the things about myself I do not have knowledge of. Most Mana users are able to recall where and that is usually the optimal place for them to meditate. Considering what I told you earlier as well, I do not possess any nullifying qualities either. On some occasions, some areas produce Mana users quite often. If they so wish, those users reside there therefore making themselves into a tribe.”

“Oh,” Kyl mutters, frowning. “does this bother you?” He would be worried himself if he didn't know where he came from, or if he was different from others to that extent; the way Kean seemed set apart from his kind.

“To be bothered implies that I feel apprehension or discomfort, which are somehow manifestations of fear. I am not inclined to emotions so no, I am not bothered.” Kean replies, “I go by survival instincts alone, so I suppose it does not matter where I come as I do not possess that knowledge yet am still be capable of living.”

Kyle frowns, not certain he would actually call that living. His uncle was right when he said that Mana users seemed to exist for the sake of existence alone. He couldn't wrap his mind around it.

'What was it like,' he wondered, 'to be without emotions?' Before he could think up a response, Dru calls them for supper.

🔥

Later, Kyl was preparing for bed when Kean mentions something.

“Huh? You're leaving?”

Kean nods, “I decided to stay here for this day to help out, to give my thanks for their kindness. I would like to leave right now, but miss Myrah insists I stay one more night. I do not really wish to trouble them, but I agreed,” he says in his usual manner. “I will depart come morning, I apologize in advance if I am gone before you wake.”

“Uh, no, well... You don't really have to apologize for that.” Kyl says, “But... you mentioned not having a family, or a tribe. So that means you don't really have any home to return to,” he frowns. “where will you go afterwards?”

Kean shrugs, “Mana users do not require a dwelling. It is inconsequential, as the weather do not normally bother us as much as it does to your kind. Even those in tribes usually do not establish such things.” he tips his head slightly. “I thank you for your concern on my behalf, however.”

Kyl scrutinizes this individual that he has come to know, and he doesn't know how to respond. For some reasons, he didn't want to see him go and never know what would become of him afterwards. Kean seems like a nice guy in spite of his somewhat detached tendencies, which was now explained to him. Still, it didn't seem right to him. It was like having a nice feeling after doing a kind deed that makes it all the more worth doing. For that reason, Kyl always wanted to offer his helping hand whenever he can. But for Kean, it seems like he only saw every single act he does as a form of obligation or the like.

Then, something occurs to him. “You said that you're not inclined to emotions, right?”

“That is correct, yes.”

“But does it also mean you're incapable of it?”

Once more, Kean didn't respond immediately. “I never considered the thought. I suppose it is possible, but it seems inconsequential to surviving.”

“And you're just fine with that?”

Kean tilts his head to the side, “I apologize, may you be more specific?”

“It's just...” Kyl hesitates, “I think it would be better if you were able to feel something every now and then, you know?”

Kean replies, “No, I believe I do not. As I said, such is irrelevant to my kind.”

“It's got nothing to do with relevance.” Kyl says, “I know, I'll show you how it's done!”

Kean just stares blankly, “Show me… How to finish what?”

“No, no that kind of 'done.' I'll show you what it means to feel, how to say 'thank you' with conviction.” Kyl grins, “maybe even teach you how to use simpler words, too.”

Kean continues to stare. “I do not comprehend.”

“Yeah, now you know how it feels.” Kyl rolls his eyes, smirking. “I figure since I'm also leaving tomorrow and you don't really have anywhere to go, why not we just go together?” He beams, “Believe it or not, even if I live in a smaller area, we have more to do since we also got a farm to manage along with the bakery.”

Kean nods, as if in understanding. “I see. So, you require my company for temporary assistance in this endeavor. Very well.” he says.

“What? Wait, no. I mean, I guess your help would be appreciated. But no,” Kyl shakes his head, gesturing with his hands as if to dismiss the idea. “I just... I enjoy your company, I guess you could say, and it would be nice if you could get something out of it as well.”

Kean tilts his head once more, “I have. The quaint accommodations here is well appreciated.”

“Er, not exactly what I meant.” Kyl sighs, “But this is why you're coming with me. Just... Stick with me, okay? Like a 'from now on' thing than a temporary one.”

“Hm,” Kean hums, “I must decline.”

“Huh?”

“This is what you humans call a 'proposal', is it not? I understand that it is something done between a man and a woman, also with the binding emotion of love. I am neither a woman, nor do I feel any such emotion towards you. Also, are you not a little to young to engage in such a thing?”

Kyl’s face feels warm, and he waves his arms dramatically. “No, no, no! That is not what this is!” he protests. “Sheesh, why do you have to make it weird?”

“I see. Sorry for the misunderstanding.” Kean tilts his head forward, “You are red."

Kyl gives him a certain look, "Wow, wonder whose fault that is..."

"I believe it's mine; I apologize if I made you feel uncomfortable." Kean said, "I am not accustomed to any human asking for a long period of companionship with me; you are quite strange, Kyl.”

Kyl glares at him, “You're the last person I want to hear that from, mate.”

“All the same, I must decline.” Kean tells him, “I do not wish to trouble you, and a long term connection, which you are requesting, can prove bothersome.”

Kyl raises a brow, “What do you mean?”

Suddenly, they heard some vague noise that later turned into disturbing racket. “This is what I mean.”

🔥

“What on Gaea...” Kyl trails off as he and Kean reach the ground floor, the noise only getting louder.

They follow it, and head towards the bakery kitchen then through the threshold leading to the shop's counter. Kyl walks towards the windows and find a group of men swarming their main entrance, their outsize arms flexing as they visibly attempt to push pass the double, oaken doors. He even notices that they were the same guys who messed with him the day before. Dru pushes against the force to keep them at bay, his corded muscles ripples under the strain.

“Hey, what’s going on?”

Dru's head jerks in reaction, but he keeps his focus on the door. “Maker's name... Kyl?! Please tell me Kean's upstairs!” he grunts.

“I am here.”

“Damn it!” Keeping his weight against the door, he turns around in favor of looking at the other two, “you're the last people I wanted coming over. Where's dad?!”

Before Kyl can answer, Myrah steps in the room next and Dru almost cries in dismay till she opens her mouth. “Your father's making sure our other entrances aren't being broken into. He escaped afterwards to look for the local knights.” she says.

“What's going on?” Kyl repeats, frowning. “Why are those men trying to get in at this hour?”

Dru glares, not in the mood to be answering any questions. “Search me! Whatever it is, it's definitely not for our bread!” he grumbles. “Now get back in your room with mister magic there!”

“That is not my name.”

Dru lets out a long-suffering groan.

“Are those the guys who beat Kean up?”

Dru huffs and in-between grunts, answers. “Kyl, for eternia'sake, you really are simple. Can you not understand the situation?! Now, help me or shut up!”

Kyl huffs indignantly, but goes over anyway and helps Dru push back. Kean raises a hand and ask if he could do anything to help, to which the cousins collectively responds with a loud, 'No.' Kean puts his hand back down and walks away, most possibly back to their room like earlier instructed.

Eventually, the weight on the door suddenly lessened, and the shouting ceased while a stern, authoritative voice was heard. A knock comes from the door, along with the familiar voice of Teodor.

“It's me, Dru. Open up.”

Sighing in relief, Dru rolls his shoulders to stretch out the kinks. Kyl opens the door in his stead, revealing his uncle on the other side speaking with an unfamiliar man. His hair was slightly below shoulder length tied back by a black cord, its pale golden color shines against the dim light of the bakery, he was also dressed in an Adventurer's garb; he wore a long, deep blue inner tunic, a scarlet sash wraps around his waist with a scabbard secured against it. There, the man sheaths his weapon, a two-handed Claymore, which may indicate that the adventurer was left-handed. Kyl wonders if he actually used it earlier, or if it was just to intimidate the men.

The man exchanges a hand shake with Teodor before he pauses, and looks over to Kyl who stiffens at the sudden attention but he relaxes at the stranger's easy smile. His jaw was defined, almost as well as Dru's, maybe even more so. It was also clean-shaved, as if the man grew a beard frequently and had to shave as much.

“I couldn’t find any knight,” Teodor explains, “Thank the reapers, I ran into this fellow.” He says, gesturing to the man.

The adventurer bows his head, “Always a pleasure to lend my services,” he says, “My name is Lyxander.”

“Thanks for your help, sir.” Kyl says, “I’m Kyl.”

The man nods towards him, but diverts his attention to Dru. “And your name is?”

“Me? I’m Dru, short for Druant.”

Lyxander hums, sizing him up carefully. “You seem to have the makings of a great swordsman,” he muses, “How’s your training, Druant?”

Something about that catches Kyl’s attention. It wasn’t any doubt that Dru had an impressive built, but most men didn’t necessarily acquire that physique only through the training of a knight and such, all the more was it how one would be identified as a swordsman.

“Actually, he’s a baker.” Teodor interjects, “What he knows of such a thing is enough to get him by a journey from one town to another.”

Lyxander looks between Dru and his father, the former seems be fidgeting quite a bit. “Oh, I apologize. I didn’t realize that…” he pauses, “well, never mind. If you are ever interested, I am looking for companions to accompany me in a… well, let’s call it an undertaking for now.” He smiles, “I will share more, should you choose to express interest; I will be at the guild. Have a good night, now.”

“Well,” Teodor hums, scratching his backside. “that was an odd exchange.”

Dru takes a breath before speaking, “Dad,” he starts, “can we talk?”

“Hm?”

Kyl looks at his cousin, and understanding dawns on him. “I’m going to check on Kean.”

🔥

A few minutes later, the conversation moved inside with Myrah now included. Dru explained his intentions of exploring the world, as he did not find the fulfillment in being a baker all his life. Teodor listened all through his ramblings, which Dru didn’t expect at all. Finally, the man sighed when his son promised he would remain long enough for them to find a suitable replacement.

“No, son.” Teodor says, “there’s no point, the Hearth bakery is run only by the Hearth family, and those married into it. That’s how it’s always been. We’ll keep the shop going as long as we can manage, but if it’s time, then we’ll close it down.”

Dru widens his eyes, “You don’t have to do that,” he says, “I won’t be gone forever, I’ll come back, once I’m ready to settle down.”

“Are you sure?” Myrah asks, her tone mild, “you just said you do not find fulfillment in being a baker. If you don’t find it fulfilling now, it can’t be certain that you will later on.”

Dru frowns, his eyes now downcast. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…”

“Don’t feel guilty, son. I’m not doing this out of spite,” Teodor promises, “All things must reach its end, even those things that we’ve found solace in for so long. Such is the nature of life.” He says, “what’s important is that you find what it’s worth. May the Maker guide you in this path, son.”

Dru looks back up, smiling at his parents. He stands and goes over to wrap them in his arms, “Thank you...”

The small family remains that way for a short while, when Kyl comes running into the room in haste. The three breaks contact, and turns towards the young lad who seems out of breath.

“What’s up?”

Kyl frowns, shaking his head. “I think Kean left.”

🔥

Kyl and Dru made preparations to leave the following morning. All the while, Kyl couldn't believe Kean actually left without a proper good bye. It may have something to do with him being a Mana and not having the courtesy to do so, but he had enough of that to return the favor by helping them run the shop yesterday. Plus, Kyl did say he wanted Kean to accompany him when he returns home. It's true that they were still talking about the matter, and Kean had yet to give a confirmation. In fact, the Mana user did imply that it would be an inconvenience for Kyl if he were to keep him company. However, since it wasn't settled Kyl had hoped Kean would reconsider.

"Why do you even care so much?"

Kyl looks towards Dru, pausing in his task of checking if he was all packed, "Huh?"

"About Kean," The older Hearth clarifies, "You said you guys got interrupted before anything was settled, but the guy did say it wasn't a good idea. That's pretty much his say on the matter. Taking it in face value, he declined."

Kyl frowns, shaking his head. "But it wasn't going to be any trouble for me, and he left before I could explain that to him."

"Kyl, he's a Mana user." Dru reiterates, "He managed this long without emotional attachments, he can do without it. Now come along, I need to walk you out town before heading to the guild."

Kyl frowns as he watches Dru making his way out. He should've known better than to explain his case to him. While they were as close as they can be, considering their age gap, they didn't share the same ideals most of the time. Moreover, Dru did give his sentiments regarding Kean's kind and while he didn't detest them to the extent of wanting to hurt them he also didn't sympathize with Kean the way Teodor and Myrah do, the way Kyl does. Resigned, Kyl double checks his things before following him out.

Dru walked Kyl out town before heading to the guild to talk with Lyxander, and most probably get his adventurer certification. With a backer, he would be able to acquire it within the day. Kyl wished him good fortune even as he didn't know how to feel about his cousin's decision; that it could mean the Hearth Bakery closing shop in this town in the later years. He considered talking to his parents about moving in with them officially; his relatives weren't getting any younger and while Dru promised to visit whenever he was nearby Kyl wanted to make sure they're checked on regularly.

Before that, he needed to get home.

So far, staying on the path was working well for him. The only encounters he had were the regularly rabbits and fawns, who scurries away at the mere sight of him as he was more likely to predate on them than they were to him. Before he could think he would arrive to the next town with no trouble at all, he encountered said trouble though not in the form he expected.

There was a creature caught in a net, suspended off the ground. It growled, trying to claw its way out. Kyl notices that its tail was short, its hind legs were longer than its front legs. With this, he figures it was some kind of lynx. But it was strange because, as far as Kyl knew, this region of Gaea didn't have packs of wild felines roaming around. Bears and wolves were more common if he wasn't mistaken, and while he usually is, his father made sure he knew and remembered what kind of wild animals he would most likely run into heading back home. The second thing that bothered Kyl was the fact that it wasn't hunting season, so it was only tolerated to attack wild animals if they attacked first, making this lynx a victim of poachers considering that it was caught and now hanging in a net.

This brought Kyl to his third problem. 'How do I free it without getting attacked myself?'

He frowns, wondering if he should return to town and report the issue. But then if the offenders were on their way back to collect their prize, they would be able to get away before the local knights would be able to do anything about it and take the lynx with them. Then, Kyl remembers the packed lunch his aunt gave him before he left.

"Okay, here goes."

Kyl walks towards the trapped lynx. As expected, once the creature sees the brunette approaching, he starts to growl and snarl at him. Kyl flinches a bit, his hands going up instinctively. He bends over and lays a pair of underwear—one he was looking for a reason to get rid off for a while since he really didn't like how itchy it was. He places pieces of meat on top of it and looks up at the lynx.

"All right, I'm not going to hurt you. See? You can even have this after I free you."

The lynx stares back at it, and for some reasons, Kyl thought it was giving him an a certain expression and he could picture Dru giving it to him. He shakes his head and climbs up the tree and the lynx actually stops snarling, and was just observing him. He sat on the branch that the net was tied on before cutting it with his sword. He hasn't sharpen it in a while, so it took a few seconds before breaking through completely. The lynx drops to the ground and, with remarkable precision, untangles itself from the net easily enough. It walks towards the offering, swiping it off the garment before devouring the meat and jumping towards the bushes and away from the area.

Kyl narrows his eyes and jumps to the ground, picking up his underwear with the tip of his sword. "Guess it didn't like you, either." he places it back inside his bag, before turning and continuing on his way.

When he saw a group of men running towards him; familiar men, at that.

"You—" The one at the front, the self-proclaimed leader whom Kyl thinks goes by the name of Jinn aims a glare right at him, casting side glances at the ruined trap. "a scum-lover, now a rotten vandel? You just love pissing us off, don't you?"

Kyl frowns, "Scum lover? Are you talking about Kean?" he grumbles, clenching his fist. "a scum for something he is, as oppose to hunting animals off season and going against the law?"

"You really love to test my patience, don't you?" Jinn glowers, stepping forward.

[Narrative plot of Kyl being rescued by the lynx, now in a humanesque form. I haven’t written it yet lol. I’m bad at action scenes.]

"You're welcome, and before anything else I would like to highlight that when you're offering food, don't put it on top of your underwear."

Kyl cringes at that, "It's clean."

"Not the point," Lynx made a look, "How would you feel if someone served you a meal on their underwear?"

The brunette rubs the back of his head, "Well, I thought you were an animal so..."

"That's an offense to animals everywhere; most pick their food off the ground, not where your genitals have been."

Kyl's cheeks turns flush, and he decides not to reiterate that it was, in fact, clean.