#//It has to be just as tiring if not more tiring for anyone reading than it is for me
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no nut november day 1. how to make them come for the really horny darlings who read my smol insignificant blog :)
crack, smut, established relationships mature themes, minors dni
Wriothesley:
he loves when you choke him really well. he goes crazy once your hands start squeezing his neck
grabbing or scratching his butt. Wriothesley loves when you touch his rounded ass, and if you do he will definitely lose it
Tartaglia:
when you moan loudly, tartaglia loses his mind. he loves when you vocalise your sensations and satisfaction
praising him. tartaglia is not very experienced in bed activities, so he’d be really grateful if you kept praising him while having sex cause it makes him feel encouraged to proceed.
Neuvillette:
being on your knees for him (he does not expect that from anyone because he is such a humble individual, and it turns him on almost instantly)
when you take charge and offer him to have sex by your initiative. do not get me wrong, neuvillette is anything but submissive man, however even he gets tired of being constantly the controlling one. he wants you to be bold and shameless too
Pantalone:
when you play with, pull or grip his hair, it makes pantalone go insane. he is very sensitive to your touch in general, and he especially loves it when you try to tease him by playing with his wavy locks. he will be turned on immensely
when you touch his nipples (his erogenous zone. rub them nice and well, he will cum hard, mumbling “have mercy on me” to you)
Ayato:
dirty talking to him (praising his cock mostly) he loves his sex a bit dirty and overstimulating
when you slightly dominate him. this man is fed and sick of people constantly servicing him and seeing his s/o showing responsibility and taking a bold action like riding him will make him nut wildly
Capitano:
squeezing him inside. his manhood is thick, and the tip is fat enough to make him feel things when you suddenly tense up. capitano will give in to his passion, you will hear loud impatient grunting escaping his mouth that you never knew you needed
when you call him by his real name. in most circumstances capitano hates it when someone mentions his true old name, but when you do it during intimate moments he simply goes nuts for you. the way his name falls from your lips when he thrusts into you fast and hard enough just gets him going
Alhaitham:
he adores when you scratch his back. you always fear hurting him, but alhaitham wears your marks proudly and insists on you to not hold your passion in. he needs more of those blooming red marks of lust on his body
when you assist his thrusts by forcing your hips closer to him. he enjoys when you participate in love making equally to him, and will definitely cum unexpectedly generously if you continue
Dottore:
when you play by his rules. dottore is a very old and assertive man who’s used to things happen his way. at first he will kindly ask you to follow his lead but later on he will be incredibly blunt and dominant with you
when you use his vibrator on himself. not to mention him liking impressing you with new toys, when you grab one and press it against his skin, he will squirt his release earlier and thicker than expected
Dainsleif:
when you moan or whisper sweet nothings into his ear. this makes him particularly horny, especially given how much your voice turns him on in a private setting
when you try to unnoticeably run your hands over his hips. there is something about your claws grazing over his strong legs that makes him go completely frenzied for you
Baizhu:
when you bite his ears and neck. baizhu has those very sensitive and he will come almost instantly if you tease the delicious earlobes and neck of his.
when you wear sexy outfits. he likes to take you when you’re wearing those naughty, revealing but incredibly gorgeous outfits. he practically loses control of his arousal and can come even prematurely simply because he is staring at your beautiful body
#genshin smut#genshin x reader#genshin impact x reader#wriothesley smut#wriothesley x you#wriothesley x reader#wriothesley x y/n#neuvillette x y/n#neuvillette smut#neuvillette x reader#neuvillette x you#tartaglia x y/n#tartaglia x reader#tartaglia x you#pantalone x reader#pantalone x female reader#pantalone x you#pantalone x y/n#capitano x reader#capitano x female reader#capitano x you#capitano x y/n#ayato x y/n#ayato x you#ayato x reader#anime x reader#dottore x you#dottore x y/n#dottore x reader#ramennonutnovember
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Agnes O'Connor x Fem!Reader: Beginning & End
Summary: Taking a late drive to get your mind off a few things, you get more than you bargained for from a not-so-routine traffic stop.
AO3
A/N: Wasn't sure how to tag this since Agnes is technically an Agatha... variant? persona? Also I didn't tag the Agatha taglist since this isn't technically Agatha? tricky tricky... This is basically just pure smut with a sprinkle of plot.. enjoy xoxo (also let me know if you want more of Agnes?)
Words: 6.2k
Included: Established relationship, Jealousy, Smut; choking, spitting, bdsm, possession, semi-public sex, car sex, fingering, cunnilingus, daddy kink, roleplaying, power dynamics, dom/sub, teasing, begging
Tag List: @escapetodreamworld @ghostsunderstoodmysoul @multifandomfix
You sigh as you lean into the leather seat. The music is loud enough to hurt, but you don’t turn the volume down, glad of the noise even if you don’t feel like singing along. Trees fly by outside the window as you drive.
A sign passes in a flash but you catch the number; 45. Your speedometer reads 55.
Making sure you’re alone on the road, you push it to 57 just for kicks. Even as the dark scenes on either side pass in a blur, the road ahead is clear. The moon hangs low and bright above, reflecting off the filled-in parts of the pavement.
The song changes and you sigh again upon hearing the familiar tune. It only reminds you of your wife; who should be home and in bed with you, but ended up on night-shift instead after hassling a suspect a bit too hard, canceling your planned evening.
Which leads you to driving the backroads between Westview and Eastview, hoping the journey will tire you out enough that you can sleep. Instead it lands you in the position of blowing past a hidden cop.
Just your luck.
You groan as you turn the music down and pull off the road into a flat area of grass. With the lights, you can’t tell if it's a Westview or Eastview officer at first. You have pretty good chances of getting off with a warning if it's one of Agnes’ coworkers.
But it’s not one of the regular officers. It’s the Chief’s car. You hit your head against the steering wheel. He’s been riding Agnes’ ass for months and will likely give you a hefty ticket just to spite her.
While you’re hitting your head against the wheel, there’s a knock on your window. You roll it down without looking, “Look, Chief, I know the deal. You can just write me a ticket and I’ll pay it tomorrow.”
“Oh, will you now?”
You pause.
Looking up in disbelief, “Agnes?”
“That’s Detective O’Connor to you.” Her face doesn’t change from the stern facade, “You were driving pretty recklessly back there. Have you been drinking tonight, ma’am?”
Subtly as you can manage, you check your side mirror to see if anyone else sits in the police cruiser. It wouldn’t be unlike the Chief to put Agnes through some insane test. No shadows lurk in the other car.
You drag your eyes back to Agnes. She’s waiting, still just as stoic, but you see the mischief in her eyes. Well, if she wants to play, why not up the stakes?
Tilting your head and smiling, “Of course not, detective. I’ve been a good girl.”
A split-second pause tells you she wasn’t expecting that. She licks her lips before the act slips back into place. She scoffs.
“That’s what they all say. Wait here.” Her hand pats the open window before she’s heading back toward the cruiser.
You watch her walk away in the side mirror with a grin. Her confident gait stirs something in you, always has.
For a split second you consider throwing the car in drive and peeling out of here. You’re curious to see what Agnes would do. You hope she’d chase you all the way home; that way when you get there you could finally have a taste of what tonight was meant to be.
You want Agnes painfully. Between work deadlines on your end and long hours on hers, you’ve been too tired to do more than cuddle, or some heavy kissing on a better day. You miss the connection that comes from baring yourselves to one another. And the orgasms, too, of course.
Agnes is back at your window, breathalyzer in hand. You make a split second decision.
“Please, detective, I can’t afford another ticket, and my wife will be so mad.” You plead, using that innocent, wide-eyed expression you know turns her on, “Is there anything I can do to… pay it off, per se?”
To her credit, she doesn’t crack this time, “Are you soliciting an officer of the law, ma’am?”
“No, of course not! Unless that’s what you want.”
“Step out of the car.”
The commanding note in her voice goes straight between your thighs. You open the door and step out, watching her brows raise at only the long nightgown you’re wearing. There’s a chill in the air that makes you shiver. Her eyes are drawn to your chest before she shakes away whatever is going through her mind.
While you’re enjoying the game, you do hope she’ll let you get back in the car soon. The cold is unmanageable without more substantial clothing.
Agnes holds up the breathalyzer, “Open your mouth.”
You do so without thinking. A blush races up your face. Agnes can’t help but smirk.
It’s not the breathalyzer that finds itself between your lips, but two fingers that settle on your tongue and press. You jolt at the pressure. Tears come to your eyes as you gag, but the weight of her fingers doesn’t ebb. You fight against your gag reflex to curl your tongue around the digits.
Closing your lips around them, you swirl your tongue like one would around a piece of candy. Even through blurred vision you can see how Agnes’ eyes darken. She leans forward, staring at your lips.
Her fingers move deeper, pressing harder, fucking your throat. You swallow around them.
You find your mouth and throat empty as Agnes pulls out. Her hand grabs your face before you can close your mouth and holds it open, fingers wet against your cheek. She grins meanly.
“Stick out your tongue.”
The second you do, Agnes spits in your mouth. You whimper. It’s humiliating and you feel yourself clench around nothing. You leave your tongue in the position she demanded, obedient as ever.
Agnes laughs, “Swallow.”
Humiliation, in combination with your startling need for her touch, forces the tears to spill over and down your cheeks. The sight of them seems to please her. She’s always loved seeing you thoroughly debased; loves knowing only she can break you down like this.
Partners in the past did try. Yet they would hesitate, hold back, believing they knew the limits of your desire instead of trusting you. A few would panic when they saw tears in your eyes and pull out of the scene completely. You often found yourself pretending; toning down your desires to ‘acceptable’ levels and leaving yourself unsatisfied to avoid that worried look in your partner’s eyes.
But you’ve never had to pretend with Agnes. From that first time, she went as far as she wanted, knowing that you were an adult capable of safe-wording if it was too much; it wasn’t. You had been dripping and needy the entire time. You had cried while she sat back and watched you polish her boots with your tongue, and had nearly come undone from the act alone. It was everything you craved—Agnes was everything you craved; trusting, dominating, cruel when it suited, and the most loving partner you’ve ever known.
You had vowed then and there that you weren’t letting her get away. And how lucky for you that she put a ring on your finger; the ring that is so much more than a symbol of love; but a brand, too, just as you desire.
“I wonder what your wife would think of you offering yourself up to me,” Agnes muses, “but you’re so eager for it, I can’t help but wonder if she’s not satisfying you properly.”
“Only you can satisfy me, detective.” You flutter your lashes.
That draws a real laugh from her. Something inside you preens. You lean forward into Agnes’ space, angling your head for a kiss, but she pulls back.
“Be that as it may, soliciting an officer is a crime, as is reckless driving.” Her hands reach for her belt, where her handcuffs rest in one of the holsters, “I’m going to have to take you in.”
Though the idea of being cuffed and fucked however she pleases excites you, you’re not entirely pleased with how your original plan was ruined. Agnes knew where the line was during interrogations and she crossed it. Knowingly. It’s safe to say you’re a little pissed she acted out.
A mean-spirited voice in your head considers pushing Agnes away entirely, leaving her wet and turned on for the rest of the night shift while you go home and find solace in your favorite toy. The rational part of you knows that no toy can replace your wife, and it’s her you want. You’re just not going to make it easy for her.
You fall to your knees before she can work the cuffs off her belt. She jolts at the unexpected change. You slam against the ground pretty hard and wince, but don’t dare stop.
Your hands find her belt buckle. Deftly, you start to undo it, “Please, I can make you feel good. I’ll do anything.”
Agnes raises her brows. She doesn’t stop you from undoing her belt or slowly lowering the zipper of her pants. There’s a tenseness in her jaw as she thinks over the request. Intent on sealing the deal, you move your hands from the front of her pants; instead leaning forward to place a kiss where they’d just been.
Looking up through your lashes, you beg, “Please.”
“Well, since you’re so eager for it.”
Ignoring the screaming in your knees, you shoot to your feet, capturing Agnes’ lips in a hard kiss. You attack with lips and teeth and tongue. At the same time, you slip your hand inside her pants and past the waistband of her panties.
She groans against your lips when your fingers play in her wetness. Your fingers ghost over her clit and you grin into the kiss. Two hands settle on your hips and shove, your back hitting the side of your car; it hurts for a moment before you’re once again lost in the feel of your wife, how she’s using her position to grind against your hand, the obscene noises leaving her throat.
Your clit throbs with every roll of her hips. It’s intoxicating that she’s just taking what she wants, using you as a toy to achieve her own pleasure. But the desire between your own legs reminds you of the end goal.
Agnes’ hips pick up speed, her usual low groans evolving into panting, high-pitched whimpers. She’s so close. You consider letting her have what she wants.
Moments before she can fall over the edge you pull your hand from her pants. Hands settling on her chest, you shove her back. She jolts and stumbles. Her fucked-out expression from seconds earlier shifts to confusion, then anger.
“What the fuck?” Agnes snarls.
“You’ve been bad, detective.” Still leaning against the car, you cross your arms over your chest, “Or should I say Daddy.”
Agnes stands straighter. There’s steel in her spine now, jaw taught as darkness comes over her expression. Amusement alights inside your chest.
Her hands begin to unravel the belt from the loops of her pants, “I’m going to paint your backside blue.”
“I don’t think so.” Your voice is hard. “You see, I had a lovely evening planned for us. Dinner, a movie, clean sheets for us to spend all night ruining. And we didn’t get to enjoy any of it because someone couldn’t control her temper. So you, daddy, are going to fuck me until I decide I’m ready to forgive you.”
“It’s cute that you think you’re in control, baby.”
Agnes steps into your space, belt in her hands. You stop her with a hand on her chest before she can get close enough to do anything.
“I am in control.”
“Those with the upper hand don’t usually have to state the fact.”
You tilt your head, “If you don’t give me what I want, you’re not going to touch me for weeks. I’ll fuck myself and all you’ll be able to do is watch. And I’ll stuff all the pairs of panties I ruin into your bag, your pockets… everywhere you go, you’ll be reminded of just what you’re missing.”
The smug expression slowly slips from her face. She tries to push forward again, but you’re unyielding; clenching your fist in the fabric of her shirt until she feels the subtle bite of your nails. There’s fury and a small trace of fear in her eyes.
It’s rare that you have the upper hand. Usually Agnes is twelve steps ahead of everyone—you included. But this time she miscalculated, and she’s going to pay for it.
“Your choice, daddy.”
She scoffs. Shaking her head, a few pieces of her hair free themselves from her low ponytail. They lay in and over her face before she blows them out of the way carelessly. She hasn’t been taking care of it, you can tell; and briefly, you consider if you can get away with commandeering her into taking better care of herself.
You likely shouldn’t push your luck. Agnes is going to punish you enough for this stunt, you’re sure.
The belt is tossed onto the ground a few feet away in a silent show of surrender. Her eyes are dark, churning with a mixture of fury and arousal. A brief moment passes where you wonder if you’re taking this a bit too far, but you shove it down; Agnes is an adult just as you are and will tell you if you cross any hard lines.
“Is the heat on in the cruiser?” You ask.
She pauses, taken-aback, “Yeah, of course.”
“Good. You’re going to fuck me in it later. But first—”
You open the back door of your own car as wide as it can go, just so you can perch on the seat with your feet still outside. With a smile, you open your legs wide. You hadn’t considered this outcome when you left the house for your drive, so your panties are relatively plain, but it doesn’t matter since they’re soaked through.
Agnes takes a step forward and you hold up a finger. She pauses. You point at the ground.
Her face goes red, “Not fucking likely.”
And then she’s on you. She’s holding herself up with one hand on the seat, the other dragging your face to hers. Her body rests perfectly between your legs. With a low moan, you roll your hips against her front.
Her grip on your face is painful. Thank god her nails are clipped short.
Agnes pulls away from your mouth to bite and suck at your throat. You throw your head back, still grinding up against her, moaning with abandon. The friction is nice but it isn’t what you wanted.
“I want you to eat me out.” You force out.
“I don’t care what you want.” Agnes growls.
“Oh? Well, I guess I should be prepared to handle my own orgasms for a while, then.”
As you say that, you stop grinding, and lay fully against the seat, one of your arms snaking its way down your front and between your thighs. You’ve only circled a finger around your clit twice before her hand catches your wrist in a punishing grip.
“Try it and I’ll tie you to the bed everyday when I go to work.”
“I made my terms abundantly clear.”
“You know what you forgot though, brat?” Agnes taunts, lips right next to your ear, “You’re too greedy to settle for your hand or your little toys. It’s only a matter of time before you get bored and come crawling back to me.”
“Maybe I’ll just crawl to someone else. Agent Vidal has been hanging around.”
A hand closes around your throat and you whine. She squeezes, your vision going fuzzy around the edges. You roll your hips.
“I’ll lock you in the house if you even think about it.” Her voice is hard, promising, “You’re mine, baby.”
“Prove it.”
That’s the wrong thing to say.
Agnes pulls back completely. Her hands leave you, the pressure of her body is gone. You look up and she’s standing just far enough away that you can’t touch her. You growl.
The look on her face is one you’ve seen a dozen times; the very same one she wears when you’re about to endure something you don’t like. But you vow not to let her have the upper hand. Not this time. This time, you’re going to make her bend.
“I’ll see you in the morning.” She says.
The words are like a bucket of cold water over your head. You don’t spend long dwelling on the threat, there’s no time.
Agnes is halfway back to the police cruiser when you worm your hand into your panties and bury two fingers inside without preamble. Despite being the source of your own pleasure, you jolt, back bowing off the seat. The moan that leaves your lips is exaggerated; pornographic.
“Oh, yes!”
You hear her footsteps come to a stop. You don’t dare open your eyes, not yet. The pleasure you’re experiencing is real, even if it is half of what it could be with Agnes’ help, but you have to keep up the act—have to make her jealous of your own fingers.
Though she hates to admit it, Agnes is jealous in all aspects of life. There’s a bit of healthy competitiveness worked in there that you can admire. Yet some days… some days she comes home fighting mad, hair a mess and muscles clenched tight as she recounts the events that made her that way. And lately they’ve all had the same person involved—
Agent Rio Vidal.
A loaner agent from the FBI, here to figure out some of the more poignant details of a murder on the Westview-Eastview county line. She’s confident and cutting and painfully attractive. Somehow, she knows how to push every single one of Agnes’ buttons, in work and play.
You’ve only met her twice and each time Agnes was an animal afterward. The appreciative glances and suggestive words made you blush—and though you won’t admit it, turned you on a good bit—while Agnes could barely hold herself back from attacking the woman. So possessive. So jealous.
You can use that.
The door on the other car hasn’t opened and you know she’s watching with rapt attention. You put on a good show, rolling your hips into your one hand while pinching at your chest with the other. You could get off on her watching.
Another exaggerated, high-pitched moan, “Oh, Agent Vidal!”
Though the woman is attractive, you can’t imagine anyone but your wife. Agnes doesn’t need to know that.
Strong hands grab your calves and pull you half-way out of the car. You squeak, eyes snapping open. Agnes looms above you and oh fuck you’re in trouble.
“You little bitch.” She snarls, hand coming to wrap around your throat.
You try to moan but she doesn’t give you that much air. Another deft hand rips your own from your panties, even going so far as to rip the fabric off completely. There’s the ghost of her fingers above your center. You roll your hips.
The sensation of loss and blurry edges is usually a huge turn-on; maybe it’s the intense change from oxygen to no oxygen, but you’re struggling more than normal. You tap her wrist three times.
Agnes pulls away completely. Her hand is off your neck, the other gone from between your thighs. You take in large lungfuls of air and feel your heart-rate slow just a little. A little whine works its way from your throat, though it’s mainly a result of the throbbing between your legs that’s still driving you crazy.
Your wife’s hands hover over you, eyes concerned, “Honey?”
“I’m okay. You didn’t hurt me.” You assure, sitting up and kissing one of her palms, “The quick change just… startled me. I’m okay.”
“Should I… Do you need me to take you home?”
“Oh no, Agnes O’Connor, you’re going to finish what you started.” Spreading your legs offers an obscene picture of just how soaked you are, made even more tantalizing by the ripped panties clinging to your thigh, “Unless you want me to find someone else who can finish the job.”
It’s like flipping a switch.
Overwhelming is a word that could be used to describe Agnes in bed—smothering, even. She has a way of overtaking every single one of your senses at once. Your skin is on fire with her touch, with the faint strands of hair tickling your face. The scent of burnt break-room coffee clings to her jacket. You even taste it when her tongue invades your mouth, moaning obscenely against your lips.
You like being smothered, though. You crave it; aching for anything that will let you turn your mind off and just feel.
Agnes pulls back. Her breath is hot against your lips, “You’re such a brat.”
“Only for you, daddy.” You murmur.
A shudder passes through her at the name. Her grip tightens on you, near bruising. You moan.
“Where do you want me?”
“With your mouth between my legs.”
“Fingers?”
“Yes, please.”
Agnes chuckles, “So you do remember your manners. Interesting.”
You roll your eyes. To your luck, Agnes doesn’t see—if she had, you would have been punished accordingly. Though you realize things are a bit off-balance with your threat hanging in the air; any other time, Agnes would have you bent anyway she pleased, taking all she wanted until you couldn’t handle any more.
Being in control is… odd. Not unwanted, but odd. You have to be more aware of yourself, confident in every command that leaves your lips. You’re glad that this is Agnes’ preferred role even if you’re enjoying the change.
Lips kiss the inside of your thighs and you shudder. When she sinks her teeth in, you squeal, jolting at the change. Your hand falls to the top of her head.
“Not what I meant!”
“Oh, then what did you mean?” She taunts.
“If you don’t make me come right now so help me—”
The heat of her mouth on you is enough to shut you up. Her tongue drags up your slit with agonizing slowness. She teases at your clit for only a moment before repeating the slow drag, making you whine, pressing her head closer.
You feel the rumble of her laughter and god help you the vibrations feel amazing. Yet when you try to move your hips for more, her hands keep them pressed firmly to the leather seat.
Another threat sits on your lips that never comes to pass. With the last slow lick, she fastens her lips around your clit and sucks, hard. It’s painful and wonderful and your back bows off the seat, hands scrambling for anything to clench into. The weeks have been long and you know you’re not going to last.
“I’m going to come.” You force out.
She laughs again. That, in combination with her attention focused solely on your clit, sends you straight over the edge. You feel wild, unhinged as your hips move without any guidance from your mind, chasing the waves of pleasure that make your every muscle go taut.
But when the pleasure subsides, Agnes doesn’t stop. She pushes two fingers inside and curls them in that way you like so much. You clench around them, though you ache, not ready for more so soon.
“I can’t—Please, I can’t.” You beg.
“One more, baby. You can give me that, can’t you?”
“I can’t.”
“You can.”
And you do. Her fingers know every inch of you well, her mind cataloging every spot that makes you whine, every move she performs that sends you over the edge. She calls on that knowledge as the pads of her fingers rub against that spot inside you with abandon until you can’t breathe, shrieking and moaning loud enough that you worry someone will hear you miles away.
The pleasure tenses your body so tight that you worry the muscles will never relax again. It hurts in that delicious way only Agnes can bring out.
When you do relax, she’s licking gently at you, collecting the flavor on her tongue and savoring it like a fine wine. You twitch. The hand you have in her hair pushes as you attempt to slide further onto the seat, away from her mouth.
“No more,” you beg, “please.”
“Am I forgiven?”
You laugh, breathless, “Not quite.”
You tug her up wordlessly until the weight of her is draped over you. It’s nice, comforting to feel her close. Her warmth helps fight against the cold biting at your lower half. Sighing, you bury your face in her neck, your hand coming up to lazily play with her hair.
Agnes accepts the touch. She traces little patterns on your hip over the nightgown, soft and quiet. You can still see the red and blue lights from your hiding place in her neck.
“Why do you have the Chief’s car?” You ask.
She scoffs, “Mine broke down three hours into the shift. Had to call the Chief and walk all the way to his house to get the cruiser.”
“What? Agnes, why didn’t you call me?”
“I wanted you to enjoy your night in, honey.”
You think about arguing, but you recognize the exhaustion in her voice, and decide not to push it—for now. It’s an argument you can save for later.
“So what was it, the battery? I thought we just replaced it.”
“I think the old girl might just be done for. We’ve had her for a while.” Agnes shrugs.
“But that’s… we brought Nicky home in that car.” You whisper, chest aching.
Another piece of your life—connected to your baby—that you won’t get to keep. Agnes tenses, her breathing growing ragged, and you feel terrible; she’s likely already thought about this the whole shift, spent all these hours remembering it alone. That’s why she didn’t call you—she didn’t want to drag you bag into the deep end of the pain, too.
You press a gentle kiss to the side of her neck. No wonder she took the first opportunity to play with you, she needed the distraction.
“I’m sorry, my love.” You murmur.
“Not your fault, honey. These things happen.”
She sounds less and less like herself with every moment. You don’t want to shove the grief aside—the grief counselor said that only made things worse—but this isn’t how you want to handle it; Agnes draped over your freshly-debauched form in the backseat of your car.
This is a conversation, a breakdown for home, where the two of you can take all the time you need to soak in the new loss. You need to distract her away from this.
“Will the force offer you one of their vehicles?”
“Yeah. They should.”
“Where did you break down?”
“By the bridge on Old Forest.”
Perfect.
“Let’s give her a proper sendoff, then.”
Agnes pauses. The look she gives you is questioning, as if not quite believing your suggestion, but she knows better—knows you’re serious about this.
“Alright.”
Which is how you find yourself halfway across town, on a back road with no streetlights, pulling off perilously close to a ditch. Agnes' car is unmistakable even in the dark—from the extra mirror on the hood reflecting the moonlight to the dent in the back bumper she never got fixed. You feel suddenly overwhelmed as you trace your fingers over the body.
So many memories, good and bad. Your late-night trysts in the back seat. Bringing Nicky home. The back seat full of his stinky sports gear. Agnes’ old case files winding up on the floor.
Agnes comes up and drapes her jacket over your shoulders. The warmth of her body has seeped into the cloth, now blocking out the chill in the air, “This might not be the best idea.”
You raise a brow, “Cold feet, detective?”
“Mine are nice and warm. Yours, however...”
She looks up and down your scantily-clad form with a worried furrow of her brow. It’s sweet, but not needed.
“I don’t think our plans will keep me anything but warm.” You smile, leaning back against the car while pulling Agnes close, until every inch of her is pressed against your front. Her hands settle on your hips as she kisses you with a softness belaying the vulnerability she still feels, “Unlock the car.”
“Honey—”
“Agnes, would you rather I went home?” You murmur.
“Of course not.”
“Then what do you want?”
“Beats me.”
“You know what I want?”
Using your leverage against the vehicle, you draw one of your feet up the inside of Agnes’ leg, careful to press every part of yourself against her. Her warmth radiates through her flannel and jeans and you smile.
She raises a brow, “I’m sure I can guess.”
“I want you to bend me over in the backseat of this car like you did that first time. You remember, don’t you? How pissed you were that I’d been teasing you for five dates.” You laugh at the memory, “You couldn’t even make it out of the restaurant parking lot.”
“You were so loud we almost got caught.” She recalls, voice low, gravelly.
“There’s no one around to catch us now.”
Agnes wraps one of her arms around your waist and uses it to tug you sideways, making quick work of unlocking the car. With the hand not on your waist, she opens the back door, and eases her jacket from your shoulders. She lays it out on the cold seats with the warm side up.
Not for the first time, you’re moved by her consideration of your comfort. It would be so easy for a partner to disregard the little things if it meant getting to the end goal faster; but not Agnes. You reward her with a long, slow kiss.
When she pulls away, there’s a fond little smile on her lips. She pats your hip, “On your hands and knees.”
You obey without question. Crawling onto the backseat, you’re reminded of just how confined the space of a car is. You have to keep your head bowed so as not to hit your head on the roof. It’ll be worth your while, but you know the two of you will be feeling the adverse effects of this choice for days.
Agnes follows and shuts the door behind her. She works her way into the backseat until not a bit of space exists between the two of you. Every inch of her front is pressed against you, draped over you like a warm blanket. You push your backside back into her crotch, teasing.
“I should’ve sent you home to get your purple.” You say.
“Be good and you can have my cock later.”
Warm fingertips trail up the back of your thigh until they snake under the hem of your nightgown. The soothing heat of her touch is lovely compared to the bite of the cold air. You lean into it.
“Yes, daddy.” You sigh.
Her body pulls away from yours and you turn, confused. A sharp slap to your backside makes your breath stutter, your core clenching around nothing. Your toes curl.
“Interesting that you want to be good now, when you’ve been testing me all night.”
“What can I say? I’m motivated by rewards.”
You’re satisfied that Agnes seems to be in the moment, rather than locked up in the memories in her head. Intent on keeping it that way, you lean back into her, arching so you can match her entirely. Her muscles go taut and relax and being able to feel it makes you ravenous.
Two fingers push your ripped panties aside and begin to drag up your slit, teasing. It should be noted that you are trying to be good for her, offering the control she takes to so well. You like to think she can tell, too.
When she slips her fingers inside you without torturing you further, you’re sure she knows.
You push back, desperate. You want more of her and bad. It’s as if the orgasms she gave you less than an hour ago never happened. Every muscle in your body quakes with the knowledge of what only Agnes can give you. And you want it so deeply that it threatens to bring tears to your eyes.
“Please.” You beg without prompting, “Please, more.”
A split-second hesitation belays her surprise, but she does slip another finger inside, stretching you even wider. You can’t stop how you move, nor the noises that come out of your mouth. You feel cursed with hunger only she can sate.
It’s this car, this backseat, and the memories here that are driving you so mad. It’s the life attached to it that you never thought you would get; a family, a future, a wife who loves you despite all the ugly parts others had run from. It’s the years you haven’t had to live out alone, the pain you’ve shared. It’s the fact that this act was once a beginning and now it’s an end.
Her lips press against the back of your neck, impossibly gentle, so unlike the role she’s meant to be playing. Something inside you breaks.
“Agnes—“ You choke out.
“It’s okay, honey.”
You let go.
You let go from holding yourself back—fucking yourself on her fingers until you shriek with pleasure. You let go of the ball of emotions in your chest, of hunger and pleasure and guilt. You let go of the pain and let tears spill over onto your cheeks.
It’s not the best orgasm you’ve ever had, but it doesn’t need to be. It’s a goodbye to this piece of your life. It’s an end. And it hurts just the same as it feels good to embrace the potential of something new.
Agnes holds you, steady as ever. You feel the dampness of her own tears on your neck.
You turn and lay on your back, welcoming the weight of her. You use your thumbs to wipe away the tears coming from her beautiful blue eyes.
“Am I forgiven, or do we have to go another round?” She asks.
You grin, not taking your hands from her face, “You’re forgiven, my love.”
“Thank god.”
Agnes drops her head until it rests on your chest. You laugh, extracting the hair tie so you can run your fingers through the length of it. Her arms wrap around you as much as they can.
She presses a kiss to your chest, over where your heart is. You gently work through a knot in between your fingers. The windows are clouded with perspiration. Beads of water reflect what little moonlight peeks through the trees. Moonlight or no, you know every dip and curve of your wife’s form, and could identify every part of her without sight.
The stale coffee smell has worn off, replaced by the faint undertones of the cologne she wears each morning. It’s deep and musky and comforting.
Maybe it’s the weight of her head on your chest in combination with the memories that makes you speak, “Have you ever thought about us trying again?”
She tilts her head so she can look up into your eyes without lifting from her resting place. Her brows are furrowed.
“Trying again?”
The weight of her beautiful eyes on you almost makes you change the subject. These conversations are so much easier without that layer of intimacy. But you’ve started something and you’ll be damned if you don’t finish it.
“To be parents.” You whisper.
“I’m a little past due on that, baby.” Her smile is self-deprecating.
“I’m not.”
“You never wanted to carry. I remember that much.”
“That was then.” You continue smoothing through her hair, “Now… If you want to try again, I’ll do it. I want to do it.”
You can’t decipher the look in her eyes. She doesn’t pull away, but she’s tense.
“We don’t need to decide right now. We have time.”
She nods, “Alright.”
“You’ll still be daddy, even if you aren’t my baby-daddy.”
“That was terrible.”
It doesn’t stop her from grinning, nor does it stop you from laughing. Something in the tension eases. You can’t lean down and kiss her like this, so you press a kiss to the pads of your fingers, and press them to her lips. She nips at them playfully.
The quiet is nice, but you can feel the cold settling into your bones. You need to be back in a heated car before you get sick.
“When is your shift over?”
“In a few hours.”
You nod, figuring out what time she’ll come home and how it fits into your schedule, “I have nothing after work if you want me to make good on those orgasms I owe you.”
“I look forward to it.”
It takes some time, but you and Agnes manage to untangle yourselves and worm your way out of the back seat. She sits, keeping you wrapped in her coat, until the inside of your own car is nice and warm. That earns her a few lingering kisses.
She trails you on the drive home before speeding off to do god knows what during the last few hours of her shift. And when you fall asleep—already feeling sore—an eagerness sets in your chest of what awaits. With an end, a new beginning.
#agatha harkness x reader#agatha harkness#agatha all along#agnes o'connor#agnes o'connor x reader#agatha all along x reader#agatha all along fanfiction#agatha harkness fanfiction#wlw#wlw fanfiction#nov2024#multimilfswritings
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On Solas's romantic history
Okay. I know what the consensus is. That he’s way too smooth in Inquisition to be inexperienced but... (and I’m fully prepared to get shat on for this lmao don’t kill me)
When he kisses Lavellan, that doesn’t read to me like he’s super suave and seductive. It reads more like—endeared by them trying to run away after kissing him, then being so surprised by how good the kiss felt, that he grabs Lavellan, kisses them again, pulls back with a surprised look on his face, and then goes in for more. It’s touch-starved, desperate, hungry. It’s not really all that smooth because he’s literally bending them over backwards lmao like Solas can you chill maybe
He is very smooth when flirting with Lavellan, but he's also an absolute gobshite who's spent thousands of years sassing the hell out of wannabe gods so that's not a surprise. He's witty af and enjoys some back and forth.
Solas is a very lonely man. He keeps everyone at arm’s length because he’s seen what getting close to people can do to him. His biggest fear is dying alone, and he almost gives into that because it’s what he believes he deserves for all he’s done. His life has been so stressful for so long that he's almost totally unable to consider anything else but his battles. He even says explicitly that he's tired.
That doesn’t make me think of someone who was out there in Ancient Elvhenan sleeping around all those years. No doubt he considered it, but he likely didn't pursue much with anyone physical; he enjoyed spending as much time as possible in the Fade. (The banter with Blackwall doesn't count to me personally since Solas himself thinks the whole idea is preposterous, which speaks for itself really.) Especially after being a slave/servant to Mythal seems to have voided him of his agency for some time. Then he led a rebellion and fought for thousands of years against brutal tyrants. Any one of the people he was close to could’ve been trying to kill him. Lavellan, however, has no reason to do so, so he can flirt with them freely. In all that time, it seems as though the only people he allowed to get close to the real him were Felassan and Mythal. I don’t think he slept with either, because the relationship was familial. Felassan was also loyal to Mythal, but didn’t burn his vallaslin off. (Is this a right hand/left hand of the Divine parallel again? Two brothers and their mother? Idk, I need to think about that one). For creatures with bodies made from the blood of Titans, they don’t have blood families. They would’ve had to forge their own, which is what Solas did with Mythal and Felassan.
And then there’s his ‘it has been a long time’. Most have taken this to mean that it’s been a long time since he’s been intimate with someone, but given what we know now and that he spent thousands of years in the Fade while his body was in uthenera… I wonder if he’s actually saying-- ‘it has been a long time since I lived in a body’-- ie. ‘it has been a long time since I felt physical drives, a long time since I have felt so physically real’. To me, this makes a lot more sense than the ‘he’s thousands of years old he can’t possibly be a virgin/inexperienced’ take bc like... My friends. It probably didn’t feel like thousands of years to him bc he’s essentially always existed. Time is different for spirits. It’s not like he’s gonna go: ‘well I’m nearly 4000y/o, better lose my v-card’. Time is no object when you are a timeless being. Then, given the path his life took, it wouldn’t make a lot of sense for him to be that experienced given how hard it is for him to trust.
I also personally headcanon him as heavily demisexual/demiromantic too. His true nature is so non-physical that the idea of him being very promiscuous or something just doesn’t fit his character. He needs a mental connection, to feel something, before sharing much of himself, or allowing himself the vulnerability intimacy brings, something he clearly feels with Lavellan based on how shaken up by it he is.
And it’s also canon that Solas has never been in love before meeting Lavellan. So. If he went however many millennia without falling in love, it’s also possible he went without intimacy for a long time too.
To be clear I’m not trying to say that this is the correct conclusion. My opinion has just changed a little since Veilguard (I used to think he was being smooth etc bc he's old af/v experienced, but with confirmation of former spirit Solas it’s changed my perspective somewhat)
Also:
‘Things have always been easier for me in the Fade’
‘I am not often thrown by things that happen in dreams’ my man is shooketh guys SHOOKETH
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Hello, Hello! This little scene of Mouse and her Papa has been bouncing around in my head for a few days now, so I had to get it out of my system!
For more adventures in Mouse's Mini-Verse, check out my Dad!Sukuna Series on my AO3 - Here! )
If you prefer to read on AO3 click here !
Author's Note: For anyone new to my Dad!Sukuna Series, Mouse is Sukuna's, currently, 2 year old daughter with reader.
Summary: Sukuna and Mouse take a trip to the market.
WC: 600+
CW: toddler dad Sukuna, girl dad!sukuna, true form Sukuna (4 arms), it's pretty much just plain Dilf Sukuna fluff and crack, SFW in every way, just family fluff, father and daughter fluff, I love them together
Sukuna was simmering. If he didn’t love you the way he did and tolerate Uraume the way he did you both would have been scattered about in pieces. He was the King of Curses and Deadly Poisons. The strongest sorcerer alive. Tall, 4 arms, muscular and a master of hand to hand combat.
Yet the two of you didn’t think he could handle a single trip to the market with Mouse by himself. It infuriated him. She was a 2 year old. It was not that hard…
“Papa okay?” Mouse asked as she walked next to him, sensing his mood.
“I’m fine.”
He paused as Mouse ran to the side, picking a weed and bringing it back to show him and find out the name of it. About the 6th time she did it, he picked her up and put her on his shoulders, tired of answering questions. She loved the view from up there and he could keep moving at a decent speed.
But at the market… no no, she HAD to be on the ground, she would accept no less. She knew better than to scream and cry, so instead she made multiple attempts at physically escaping her father’s grasp before he set her down in sheer annoyance. They were still a short way from the market but they were going to have a talk.
He held onto the back of her outfit so she couldn’t get away as he knelt down. “Mouse, listen to me.”
“Okay, Papa,” she said, moving to hold his face and pull it down so they could touch their foreheads together. “I listening.”
“Good. When we get into the market you are to stay by my side. No matter what, you stay by my side. Am I understood?”
“Okay, Papa. I understand!” she smiled and gave him a kiss on the nose. “I stay by Papa.”
“That’s my girl,” he smiled, ruffling her hair before standing to his full height. “Lets go.”
When they got to the market Mouse’s eyes got huge and he could swear he saw drool drip from her lips. And then… she apparently decided their entire conversation just moments before had never happened. She set to zigging and zagging through the stands of foods, smelling and looking at everything she could see.
He couldn’t find it in him to be mad. She was pretty damn cute when she came back to him, jumping up and down telling him about all the foods she saw. And then she got him.
“Papa. We try together?” she wrapped herself around his leg and looked up at him with a big smile. “Food tastes best with Papa.”
He smirked and picked her up in one arm, giving her a little chuck under the chin. “Food tastes best with you too, Mouse. I hope you brought your appetite with you. There’s lots of food to try.”
“I big hungry. Let's go!” she pumped a fist into the air.
“That’s my girl!”
_________________________
It was late afternoon when the two returned home from the market with absolutely nothing you asked them to get, stomach aches from eating too much and both needing a nap after dealing with the general public. You sighed, hands on your hips and shaking your head as you saw the two of them curled up in bed sound asleep. Like father, like daughter.
A small pouch on the nightstand caught your attention. You walked over and picked it up. On top was a note written in Sukuna’s beautiful handwriting. (The man took pride in every single thing he did down to his handwriting. It was impeccable.)
Y/N- As if I would forget about you. - Me
“Such a sap,” you smiled at the bed, feeling butterflies in your stomach. Sukuna was many things. And among them were being a good father, and a wonderful husband. He was a prickly pain in the ass, but gods did you love him. You just… wished he had gotten the items on the damn list…
#sandwitchstories#mouse's mini-verse#dad sukuna#dilf sukuna#soft sukuna#sukuna fluff#sukuna x reader#sukuna x y/n#sukuna x you#jjk x reader#jjk x you#jjk fluff#sukuna#ryomen sukuna#sukuna ryomen x you#girl dad sukuna#i love them together you guys
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I love ur works so i just HADDDD to request!!!! Ik its impossible for sinners to even have children buuttt,,,, Vox w his bio toddler daughter hcs??👀👀 Hope its not weird or anything, i js find it soo cutee. Would love a sprinkle of angst too!!
A/N — Your honor, I love this ask. I've been imagining so many characters as girl dads lately, and Vox was certainly one of them. I feel like it's moreso implied angst at one point than actual angst — however, I hope you like these! I may come back in and add more if I think of more, but this is all I could think of with my tired brain lol.
Little Sunshine
Wildly protective, without a doubt.
If his daughter taped a paper tiara to his screen, he's wearing it all day (he sometimes forgets it's there — you know how many times he's worn a poorly colored paper tiara on live television? . . Often.)
He loves that she looks like her mother, but already thinks just like him.
Vox only dresses his little girl in the best, which is usually something Velvette made just for her.
He pretends to be upset when he finds her running around the penthouse with his stolen overcoat draped over her with the sleeves and coat tails dragging on the floor.
He really finds it adorable.
There's a hefty amount of people he doesn't trust to be in a room with his daughter. It's Hell, he doesn't really trust anyone.
Especially not with enemies who have tried to force his hand by using his only weakness — his precious little girl — as leverage.
All parties involved were promptly handled by a very angry, very protective father.
He insists on her being nearby all the time, needing to hear his daughter's giggles or see her sitting on the floor playing with a stuffed shark.
Speaking of sharks. He let her name his second shark, so now he has Vark and Spark (his name is really Sparkles, but he calls him Spark to everyone, unless she's around, then he's Sparkles.)
Generally cute and funny moments.
"Come on, sweetheart. . . Put the flour in the bowl." Then she flicked her wrist and sent half a cup of flour into his face.
She stood there for a few seconds and then turned to look at her dad, bursting into a fit of contagious giggles at the sight of him standing there, dumbfounded, with flour coating his front. "Oopsies."
He can't stay mad at her for anything, especially when she looks up at him with those big, pretty eyes and grabby hands.
She has his temper, so he sometimes finds himself standing toe to toe with this strong willed, opinionated toddler.
Anything she wants, she gets. It doesn't matter how big or small it is. Candy? He buys all her favorites. Toys? He gets all the new ones he knows she'd have interest in.
Just because he spoils her, doesn't mean she's undisciplined.
When she does something particularly bad, her punishment is spending a couple hours with Velvette (which isn't much of a punishment because mini Vox loves her auntie Vel).
He tries not to laugh when she argues with Valentino or makes some blunt comment that has the moth overlord on the edge of losing his shit.
The only think keeping Valentino from saying something he shouldn't, was the fact that Vox would end him if he even made so much as a single tear run down her cheek.
He reads her bedtime stories and stays with her until she falls asleep.
Sometimes he even dozes off next to her, her little head resting in the crook of his neck.
Stickers. Glitter. Gemstones. So. Much. Glitter. He purposely buys stuff without glitter, yet the penthouse always ends up with glitter covering some surfaces (he later finds out that she found Val's body glitter).
His daughter is the light of his afterlife. Something good in a realm of absolute shit.
#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel x reader#hazbin hotel imagine#x reader#vox x reader#vox hazbin hotel#vox imagine#hazbin vox#hazbin hotel vox#vox#vox the tv demon#vox hazbin x reader#vox headcanons#anonymous#asks#answered asks#answered anon
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This is for @bluepeachstudios ‘s Ghost in a Shell. It’s really good you should read it.
I looked at exactly one picture of Jupiter Jim and went “yeah this should be enough to draw him.” I will not be answering if it actually was
Have some bonus content under the cut!
And sketches
(I love any character who can say “I don’t want to go back to prison” it’s like the funniest thing to me)
#i don’t know what compelled me to hand write that text. it’s not very good#we just don’t do things the easy way here. that’s why I render with an app on my phone. i don’t believe in simplicity#i had a plan for a lot more full body shots but then I couldn’t find any good lair references so I decided to screw it#I’ve never drawn rise characters before. this is my first time drawing them and expressions wow#I’m not very good at style copying and my default is so much rounder than rise is so that was just a woof#i should say all text in these shit posts aren’t canon at all. you can figure out where they likely take place yes#but they never show up in story#just a little fyi incase anyone decides to check it out#the entire inspiration for this post was just watching 2003 and going#WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY DID THAT??#ghost causally dropping the most wild facts about his life has like endless shit post potential#yeah I went to space. stole a ship. went to jail. aided a fugitive. held a dictator at gunpoint#and folks that’s just one arc. go watch 2003#i debated making angst as it is likely more currently topical but I’m a shit poster at heart#chapter 29. how we feeling boys? I’m actually doing rather well. i think just the fact the build up is over and I’m so tired I no longer#have emtions I’m just pumped for the next chapter whoo!#i started to lose mojo very fast while doing this but I wanted to finish today so I did. i hope it’s not too obvious#yeah anyways go read ghost in a shell#go watch 2003#go read ghost in a shell#i’m gonna go to bed now#ghost in the shell#teenage mutant ninja turtles#tmnt 2003#tmnt 2018#fan fiction recommendations#fan art of a fan fic#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#teenage mutant ninja turtles 2003
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I genuinely remain confounded by the two sides to the Tech debate in this fandom. I've seen so many people on the Tech Lives side proclaim that they will be attacked, or insulted or made fun of for their ideas, all while they argue that those who see Tech as dead do so only because they want him dead since he's "autistic".
I've seen people on the Tech is Dead side go out of their way to comment unnecessarily on people who want him back with their beliefs on his death. This is unnecessary, just as it is unnecessary for those who believe or want Tech alive to make assumptions about those who believe the opposite.
That multiple people believe that is why someone may believe he's dead is confounding. The idea that Tech may be dead is not predicated on a hatred for autistic people, or autistic like characters. It isn't malicious for people to either want him alive, or to have accepted his death.
Frankly, it is tiring how the main focus of Tech's entire being since season two is that he died, and he's potentially autistic (The Crossing included, he never has been outright confirmed as such). He is so much more than that, and deserves to have people focus on him aside from just his death.
Curate your fandom experience by muting words or tags that may upset you.
#As a fan of Tech (which should be clear if anyone's read my fics) I'm so tired of this being the sole topic for Tech#It wasn't malicious intent to have him die just because he could be autistic#People aren't out here yearning for his death just because he's potentially autistic#Be polite to people on either side#Do not interact with one side if it upsets you into believing ideas about that side without actual communication with that side#Tech stans have become very tiring#I miss him of course but the way his fans have reacted and treated people within the fandom since season two has made it tiring to engage#Then that does not even include all the drama from both sides of the ship he's potentially part of#It's all turned very exhausting even when I've muted all terms related to this entire discussion#If the fans could think of more than just his death so often that would be nice
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everything sucks so bad i'm afraid
#i feel like everyone is leaving me but i can't do anything about it because finals are around the corner😭#like. a master's degree ended up being WAY more demanding than i thought i feel so stupid#i got through all my readings just fine but the linguistics portion of the curriculum is so intense and technical#and honestly it's SO interesting. i really do enjoy it. but the fact that i have to take a final for it is stressing me out#because the material is so rigorous and i'm afraid i won't be able to give it the time it deserves#meanwhile all my friends are drifting apart and my fuckarse sister has decided to go no contact with me/us so i'm lichrally just.#by myself all the time. working and studying#please god bring decemeber quickly and give me the strength to pass everything with flying colors so i dont feel bad about all the people#i lost on the way💀#don't even get me started on my work-related anxieties#how does anyone get by in this world i'm so tired i'm SO. TIRED. AND NERVOUS😭
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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#I get tired of people trying to explain what lens I should view the world through; what way I could think that would make everything better#forgive me but I don't care; I do what I do and I do what I can and you don't see the work I do under the hood#I don't want advice on self validation or whatever; I want... I want someone to hold a mirror up so I can actually see myself#by which I mean I want input on how I'm doing; if it's good enough; if it's worth anything; if anything I make is good#everyone things I'm nice; everyone has always thought I'm nice#but given nice leaves me profoundly isolated I don't think I care#not to mention in my opinion what nice in this instance means is that I'm capable of listening#it's mostly that I have manners rather than some quality about me#I'm well behaved and polite and can listen; and that's perceived as nice or even sweet#and it's not like I'm offended by people seeing me that way; but maybe you can get why... I can't do anything with that information#but if I'm doing enough... if I provide any value to the world... I might have heard that less times in my life than years I've lived#that's where I'm totally blind#people don't tend to offer any input; and also people don't tend to let me know what they're thinking#and I in fact am not a mind reader; I can often accurately infer things; but no of that means a thing till it's confirmed#and... well... hopefully no one reads the stupid shit I say and especially not the tags so this is safe and hidden#but truthfully people just like to hear that stuff they're doing is wanted and matters#and I do not#I don't know... gotta go do more cleaning cause I need to#and I have no idea if... I've got a reason for fighting so hard to clean; but I get very little input so... I expect... well...#and thankfully I don't think they read my tags so I can say this#but I really expect they won't take me up on my offer to come out here and get away from their parents; so there will be no pay off#not that I blame them in the slightest... it's just the only possible pay off for this cleaning would be helping someone I like out#and a scrap of company#but then again... in many ways anyone coming out to live with me is the worst thing they could probably do#sorry... I have a rather bleak outlook on many things surrounding myself purely cause of what I infer from the past#there is never pay off; only more shit I need to get done#I will never be loved; I will never be wanted; I will always just kinda be an afterthought that's occasionally worth venting to#no one will ever be particularly interested in anything I'm interested while I'll chase their interests or at least try to#certainly let them talk about them when they want#...though I take that over my normal total isolation... better to at least be permitted to follow in someone's shadow than have nothing
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I frequently feel completely isolated no matter how much I talk to people. So that's fun
#sorry if anyone sees these im tired of using my personal discord servet to vent. i always spiral too much#anyways i have an idea for a good poem to write for class because of recent events#ughhhh idk i just wish i wasnt so annoying about asking if i can open ip to people#or if someone would just ask if i was okay. i mean actually id probably lie i am not actually good at being open.#but like hey idk it feels nice to feel like people genuinely want to know#ughhhhfhfhf i do this to myself sometimes JSHSJSKDJDJD#welp its just how life goes. i feel lonely all the time and i soldier on#surely helping the next person will make me feel better! nope. surely helping yhis next person will make me feel better! nope. surely-#tgats me. thats what i sound like#yeah idk it feels like everyone is going through something worse than me so itd be a moral failing on my part#to ask them if i could just like. feel bad. noticeably#not even talk about it just look down and out of it for a day#yknow i emailed one of my teachers asking permission to go by a new preferred name#this is at like. a massive very queer and trans art school.#and i asked him permission to do this#and i was joking with my friends about how pathetic i sounded in it#and one of them patted me on the head and said “there there buddy” like very jokingly#but i almost cried because thats the first time in so long someone has like. really tried to comfort me#or shown me much physical affection#my mom gives me hugs and stuff but thats always about her. i dont blame her shes got a lot of stuff going on#but idk its really selfish of me but i just wanna have people see me and feel bad for me and it be about my pain for a little while#ill get over it im just being a teenager but shit god fucking damnit#i just want a break from feeling like my world is falling apart#then getting some footing#then it falling apart again#okay i feel a bit better now better stop the complain train JDJDJSKSJD#hey why do i never hear that it rhymes and everything thays so good#damn i gotta use that more#welp weve reached our stop sorry if anyone ever read thjs. hope you have a nice day tho lol
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🕷️☕️
#im broken#im someone who is meant to be alone and be unliked and unlovable and unwanted#thats my place in the world. im foolish for hoping for more#it just hurts sm that it feels like everyone else has or have had someone#i've never had someone who has chosen me over everyone else#im surrounded by ppl who have been chosen above everyone else#and like i read a romance book abt two ppl in their late 30s who are virgins and meet eo#but both of them have kissed & made out w ppl before.... i havent even done that#like am i gonna be 30 and have my 1st kiss???? be fr who would wanna have sex w someone in their 30s who has no experience#they'd have to teach me and like ppl in their 30s are getting ready to settle down#i cant imagine anyone wanting to kiss me just bc im me either like everyone gets tired of me after a while......#i cant imagine anyone not tiring of me and choosing to be w me#when there'll always be someone else. someone better. hotter. sexier. funnier. smarter#im like actually fkn dumb for thinking that someone could want to be w ME above everyone else#spend their time with me when there are 1m things better than me#there will always be someone else everyone would choose above me#also im broken bc my heart is stupidly loyal. im like a penguin... but normal ppl dont work that way#i cant imagine anyone thinking im special enough to love and want me the way i feel love#so i've always known im meant to be alone#but its so hard watching everyone around me have a partner while i have to be lonely and ache to be that important and loved#im always gonna exist as a lonely island never being 1st priority or the favorite or more special than everyone else#and its making my heart so sad. why am i not worthy of dating or loving or choosing or bein no 1??#and being so unwanted and never chosen or special is making me so dejected and lifeless#friendships arent as big to me anymore bc sure i'll hang out or talk to my friends#but then they go home to their partner. the person that are no 1 in their lives#i can have friends but it only makes me sadder bc it reminds me that theyve all been chosen and i have not#i have cry myself to sleep everyday while they have the joy of bring chosen and important and held#i just dont care anymore... i'll only ever exist as a tiny side roll in ppl's lives#i'll never be a main part or the biggest part to anyone....#i'll always have to be completely alone in everything and watch while ppl around me get to have the comfort of partnership
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...🤧
#god i hate being on my period and being so flipping emotional and just wanting to cry for random reasons#my current reasons: cute doggo pictures and also the fact i'm up and awake instesd of in bed asleep?? 😩#last night i cried about fictional people#both about their problems as well as the fact they're leading more exciting lives than i do 😂#which makes no sense i knoooooowww but i was feeling crap and lonely okay#can't wait to be home tonight to cry some more. as a treat 👌#crying is healthy! i just wish i knew why i felt so shitty last night 🤔#i guess i was just exceptionally tired. i work only 4 days a week but somehow this week has felt never-ending 😭#i've had an alright week in general though? nothing to complain really so maybe it really just is period stuff 🙄#i hope anyone reading this has been having it a bit easier this week 🤍
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#alright these tags are super embarrassing but i needed to rant publicly so uh. you can read this but please don't perceive me too much#it is so fucking exhausting having nobody to share my life with#i have literally zero friends at this point bc ever since my grandpa died i've pretty much stopped trying to keep in touch with my hometown#friends and i cut off my 'friend' group that were racist assholes who treated me like a doormat back in october and haven't really made any#close friends at college since. and i just fucking hate that this is the same way i've felt for so many fucking years like you'd think it#would be bearable at this point and i'd be used to being alone and for a while i honestly was but it just hit me tonight how fucking lonely#i am and how tomorrow i have to keep on just doing the shit i have to do in life without anyone to talk to and share it with#other than my mom who's been pissing me off lately so i've been pushing her away too!#it's so tiring to have to go out and do things and have responsibilities everyday and not being able to share that with anyone idk it makes#it feel almost like i'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders which is SO dramatic i know#like today i wanted to talk about the stupid false alarm gas leak thing with my sort of friends in this club i'm in but i didn't get to talk#to anyone at the meeting bc everyone was just talking amongst themselves in their little groups of best friends and it just reminded me that#i don't have that and i've never fucking had that i've only ever pretended i had that#it's like all these years i've been pretending to be a person that has friends and knows how to live life normally but i never have#more than anything i just miss my friends from home bc they're the closest i've ever felt to having friends that are like family but. i#don't know how to talk to them anymore. i didn't tell any of them when my grandpa died and i think they just assumed that i've moved on so#they've probably moved on and i already know that they have their own lives and friends at their schools that are a lot more full than mine#wanna know the worst part about all of this? i just had therapy and basically told her everything's fine#and i won't meet with her again until 3 weeks from now so literally the only person i can talk to about this right now is my mom#which i am absolutely not gonna do bc she's gonna get so scared and worried for me and i can't have that rn#anyways yeah. this isn't even that big of a deal like i haven't had friends for at least the past 6 months it's not like anything's changed#i just feel extra sad about it right now. i need a distraction stat gonna go watch watch some tv goodnight#shut up hanna
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i just think ghosting someone should be illegal
#esp if the person has bpd . no this isnt about me (it is)#it's just bad boss#ive slowly gotten better at trying not to think about the person but alas . they're appearing in my nightmares .#not much i can do about that besides feeling awful n just trying not to sleep after#idk ! idk i tried . i tried to not be like a previous friend i had who was rlly gross n manipulative to me#whilst Also being much older (i was seventeen n they were twenty four or twenty six i dont remember)#idk. ethan says i wasnt bad but its still gripping onto my brain yknow#also it just sucks being ghosted sucks this is the second time it's happened from someone i trusted#[united states of whatever voice] whatever#(it's more like . Wuhtevr .)#nothing i can do but cope with random f/n/af videos#im watching a person i like try to be sister l/o/cation blindfolded :] they're doing well even with how hard it is#i cant even beat night four Seeing things (well barely seeing things bc its so dark i genuinely cant see)#so it's rlly neat . also i know how to skip the night now bc of a joke he made >:D#also to anyone reading this i am not trying to come across as like Woe Is Me Feel Bad For Me bc like ew#NDNDNDN my tone is very just flat n matter of fact rather than trying to garner sympathy#but also i dont necessarily think it's bad to want sympathy however i dislike it when people go about it in such a way#where it's like . being down on themselves to such an amount that you Know they're playing it up . does that make sense#idk . im saying nothing <3 n im very tired n doing bad so im not making much sense my apologies#does a ditty before kickflipping my way back to f/n/af video world#blabs
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random midnight ramblings but.... its tragic how difficult it is to effectively pull off a jealous!mikan plot in au fanfics, not bc mikan hasnt been jealous (bc she HAS and HOW) but bc natsume is so devastatingly a one-girl-only kind of guy that its hard to put him in a realistic situation where mikan would be jealous in a meaningful way.
like in the sports fest arc, natsume is forced into pretending to date (?) luna. he holds her hand and spends all his time with her, meaning that mikan HAS to confront her feelings in a way she didnt have to before. its a pretty big deal in terms of her storyline, but natsume had to be forced into that situation for it to actually play out. otherwise, he'd never leave mikan's side.
and that's pretty much the biggest problem for fanfic writers who wanna explore that aspect of jealousy: how to realistically have that storyline play out in a world where natsume is not in the da class/a child soldier. how to get natsume, who is ultimately only interested in mikan when it comes to romance, to even glance at another girl without it being forced.
it's very weird to think about and i think it's part of the reason why i've never really liked the idea of natsume having ex-girlfriends who actually meant something. narratively, i'd honestly rather have natsume be a playboy and y'all know i dislike playboy!natsume so much.... at least if it's some sort of ridiculous serial dating without any real feelings involved it stays true to natsume's unique devotion to mikan. i still don't like it but ig if i had to choose...
so yeah it's a weird and tricky situation and i get it, fellow fic writers.... it's so hard. bc i LOOOOVE mikan's jealousy so much but it's so hard to make it come about in a natural way that stays true to natsume's character.
#ig thats why fics just feature a nm-aged luna who is infatuated w natsume for whatever reason to cling to him#i respect that tbh. its really the closest u can get to the vibe of the sports fest arc so it makes sense#besides luna is so flexible u can really make her play any role as long as its antagonistic to mikan#ive read a LOT of ga fanfic#ive been reading gaffn for more than ten years so i know all the tropes! and i feel sorry for us that jealous!mikan isnt easier to produce#when hsau fics say natsume has never been kissed.... yeah u get it. you GET it#general apathy abt romance and dating and then theres mikan! i rly cant see natsume being romantically interested in anyone else#i get he's 10 in the manga but he's forced to think like an adult so its not like mikans problem of immaturity#i could talk abt this forever but im tired so im gonna try to go to sleep#ga#natsumikan#little anya things#gakuen alice
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