#//HOLY HELL I'M WHEEZING
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Phil: [Sees Dapper running from a cheetah] Oh- OH- OH!
Bad: Whoa, what the fudge! Holy muffin! Dapper, run! [They manage to kill the cheetah] Oh my gosh...
Fit: Cheetahs! And now Phantoms too. Watch out, Ramon!
Bad: What the fudge?! Why did it attack you, Dapper?
Fit: Are you ok? Oh, thank you Ramon. Thank you so much.
Phil: I just saw Dapper just running for his life– [Wheezes]
Phil: [Puts his head in his hands and laughs] Chat– Chat– Fcking hell, just the image of him just running, and then the fcking cat just like "RAWR!" it was like, going to kill him. He's just an Egg! [Laughs and slaps his desk]
[ Full Transcript ↓ ]
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Phil: [Sees Dapper running from a cheetah] Oh- OH- OH!
Fit: OH! Whoa!
Bad: Whoa, what the fudge! Holy muffin! Dapper, run! [They manage to kill the cheetah] Oh my gosh...
Fit: Cheetahs! And now Phantoms too. Watch out, Ramon!
Phil: [Laughs]
Bad: What the fudge?! Why did it attack you, Dapper?
Fit: Are you ok? Oh, thank you Ramon. Thank you so much.
Phil: I just saw Dapper just running for his life– [Wheezes]
Bad: That was flipping' crazy! Literally– whatever that was just came out of nowhere!
Fit: That was a big kitty-cat.
Phil: [Puts his head in his hands and laughs]
Bad: That was, that was, I'm glad you killed it. You- you held on really well Dapper, good job.
Fit: Ayayay...
Phil: [Covers his mouth, still laughing]
Bad: Ok, that was intense. Ok, so where are we going?
Fit: We're going this way.
Bad: Oh my gosh, they have boats.
Fit: [Loud aggravated sigh]
Phil: [Still laughing] Chat– Chat– Fcking hell, just the image of him just running, and then the fcking cat just like "RAWR!" it was like, going to kill him. He's just an Egg! [Laughs and slaps his desk]
Fit: [In the background] Man, these kids, I tell ya... No respect for their elders! It's ridiculous.
#Philza#FitMC#Badboyhalo#Dapper#QSMP#🏃♂️💨🐈#Phil#Bad#Fit#April 5 2023#Can't believe I never got around to posting this one pftt#This clip reminds me of Jaiden talking about how Phil's laugh always makes people feel like laughing too#which reminds me I need to find where I put THAT clip because she said it makes her feel like she's funny when she makes Phil laugh
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That ONE joke in Deadpool & Wolverine that nobody seems to have noticed and I'm dying over here [spoilers for the movie ahead]
No, I'm not talking about the blowjob handle gag.
I'm talking about a contextual gag that I noticed after seeing the movie for the third time and then seeing a gif of that walk-up. The clue is in THIS IMAGE EXACTLY.
Let me remind you of the full scene here:
an army of Deadpools appeared and proceeded to shoot the living shit out of Deadpool, Wolverine and Nicepool.
Deadpool used Nicepool as a shield until he was behind the car, then realised that this idiot didn't have regenerative powers. Well, oops.
Deadpool then proceeds to active Video Game Logic, looks at a food vendor and calls it "basically a hospital", and runs towards it with Nicepool, still as a shield and clearly being fucking murdered with each second passing.
Deadpool stops in the middle of the way to wheeze, and Nicepool's head explodes, which leads Deadpool to scurry the rest of the way behind the food vendor, and to try and reanimate his very decapitated body.
Now...
Look at the picture above.
I am talking about THIS
This little fucker looked at the scene, hell I know this man saw the fucking pharmacy, and proceeded to point at the food vendor instead.
I am positive that he even stopped right in front of the door to wheeze his lungs out, this motherfucker, just to give Nicepool enough time to see the medicine, RIGHT THERE.
This is the peak of contextual gags, holy shit when I saw it I was laughing my ASS off, this fiend had 2 goals:
the dog
the pistoleros
And what stood between him and them was Nicepool.
#Deadpool is a fucking bastard y'all#I love her so much look at this idiot#deadpool and wolverine#deadpool 3#deadpool#nicepool is a VICTIM
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Redeeming the First Man?: Vaggie & Adam
-KNOCKKNOCKKNOCKKNOCKKNOCK!!!!!-
Vaggie: Alright! Alright! Fuck! Calm your tits! I'm coming. (Answers the door and face falls)
Sinner Adam: (grumbling and obviously pissed off but tries to play it off by being douchey and arrogant) Ha! Took me long enough, but I finally got you to cum, Vadgie!
Vaggie: ......Heh...
Sinner Adam: Huh?
Vaggie: Hehehe...
Sinner Adam: Don't you start!
Vaggie: (doubles over in laughter) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! OH!!! OH, THIS IS RICH!!! OH, FUCK!!! I CANT- I CAN'T BREATHE!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! THIS IS RICH!!! YOU!!! OF ALL PEOPLE!!! COMING TO THE HAZBIN HOTEL!!!
Sinner Adam: .......I guess I deserve that.
Vaggie: (leans against the doorway as she continues to howl with laughter) YOU- YOU- HAHAHAHA!!! You look like Guy Fieri and Limp Bizkit had a bastard lovechild with horns and that stupid mask!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!
Sinner Adam: Hey! Don't knock Limp Bizkit like that!
Vaggie: Sorry, Fat Ass. Hell's Kitchen is down the road. You might find it over by Flavor Town! Hahahaha!!!
Sinner Adam: (steaming)
Lucifer: Everything alright, Vaggie? (Sees Adam and immediately wheezes) HOLY FUCK!!!! I think you're in the wrong place, buddy! The Limp Bizkit lookalike contest is on the NORTH point of the Pentagram!
Vaggie: (high fives Lucifer)
Sinner Adam: Oh, you fuckers-!
Charlie: Guys, what's the hold up? Is there a sinner wanting to be redeemed at the door or not? If so, you shouldn't be laughing at them- (face falls)
Sinner Adam: THANK YOU!!! At least the little girlie understands!!!
Charlie: Pffffft!!! *snort* (turns to the inner hotel) Who ordered food to be delivered by Guy Fieri!?!?!?
Sinner Adam: Oh, FUCK ALL A Y'ALL!!!! I'VE GOTTEN MORE PUSSY THAN ANYONE IN THIS STUPID PLACE!!!
Lucifer: Pretty sure I stole both of your girls.
Sinner Adam: YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!!
#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel incorrect quotes#charlie#vaggie#lucifer#adam#sinner adam#boy got some brass balls to be going to the hotel and expecting them to just act like nothing happened#why do i always make vaggie do that slow giggle to manic laughter?#lets give the douchebag a chance#i wish tumblr kept the yellow color
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Love In Print│Bang Chan
Prologue SS: 15 (ignore time stamps and dates) Word Count: 2.8K Content Warnings: Talks of sex (reading a submitted manuscript), talks of burning at the stake, talks of arson, joke about a suicide pact Previous Next Masterlist
The open-concept office of Levanter Literature buzzes with the kind of chaotic energy that only comes from borderline inappropriate laughter. Ayame leans back in her chair, twirling one of the many pens stuck haphazardly in her messy bun. Her light pink corset-waisted blouse rides up slightly as she stretches, her sleek black mini skirt barely covering her crossed legs. A pair of black stilettos dangle from her feet, tapping rhythmically against the floor as she giggles uncontrollably.
"Oh my fucking god," Minho wheezes, holding up a printed manuscript like it's a sacred artefact of absurdity. His black shirt is unbuttoned at the collar, his sleeves rolled up to reveal forearms that flex as he waves the pages around. "Look at this part! I swear to god, this girl's supposed to be bent like a goddamn pretzel, and the dude's out here performing Olympic-level gymnastics over her. Who the fuck writes this shit?"
Hyunjin is sprawled across the couch against the far wall, his tie loosened and his blazer tossed haphazardly on the floor. His long legs are propped over one armrest, his hand dramatically clutching his chest as he lets out a howl of laughter that echoes through the office. "I don't even think it's humanly possible to have legs that fucking long! She's either a goddamn giraffe or a centaur. Maybe both."
Seungmin, perched on the edge of his desk with his arms crossed, barely conceals his amusement. His sharp suit and meticulously styled hair are a stark contrast to the chaos around him, but the corners of his mouth twitch like he's fighting a losing battle against a grin. "Forget the legs," he says, his tone dripping with sarcasm. "They spelt dick D-I-K. That's not just a typo. That's a goddamn war crime. Someone needs to call the fucking cops."
Ayame snickers, brushing a stray pen from her hair as she leans forward to peer at the page in Minho's hands. "Oppa, who the hell even sent this in?" she asks, her lips twitching with barely concealed laughter.
"Some author under a pen name," Minho replies, shaking his head like he's seen too much. "No fucking clue who they are, but holy shit, I'm almost impressed by how bad this is. It's- it's fucking committed."
"Committed is one word," Seungmin deadpans, adjusting his glasses. "A fucking disaster is another. I'm serious, though. It's bad, but I can't stop reading it. It's like watching a train crash in slow motion."
Ayame grins, her eyes sparkling with mischief. "Oh really?" she teases, tilting her head as she props her chin in her hand. "Didn't know you were into BDSM train wrecks, Seungmin-oppa."
Hyunjin loses it, doubling over and almost sliding off the couch. His laughter is a mix of wheezing and incoherent noises, his hand slapping the armrest repeatedly. "Oh fuck, I'm dead. Dead. Someone write my fucking obituary."
Seungmin shoots Ayame a look that could cut glass, but his ears are turning red. "I'm not. Shut the fuck up."
Minho is practically crying as he flips another page, holding the manuscript up for dramatic effect. "What's actually criminal is this position. What even is this shit? Her legs are everywhere and nowhere. Physics fucking left the chat."
"Physics left when this author picked up a goddamn pen," Seungmin mutters, his voice low and dry, like he's delivering the punchline to a joke only he finds funny.
Ayame giggles, snatching the draft from Minho's hands. "Let me see that." Her eyes scan the page, widening with incredulity as she reads aloud, "'Her body arched like a dolphin mid-leap as his hands carved pathways on her skin, electric pulses of desire shooting to her core.' A fucking dolphin? Seriously?"
"Wait, wait," Hyunjin gasps between peals of laughter, rolling onto his side on the couch. "Electric pulses? What the fuck is this?"
Their collective cackling is abruptly interrupted by the sharp click of heels against the polished floor. Kim Nari strides into the room like she owns the world, her black pantsuit tailored to perfection, exuding authority and just a hint of exasperation. Her neatly styled hair and steely gaze cut through the chaos like a knife, though the faintest hint of amusement softens her expression.
"Good afternoon," she begins, her voice brisk but warm as she surveys the scene with raised eyebrows.
The four of them freeze like deer caught in headlights. Ayame hastily sets the manuscript down, cheeks flushed as she adjusts her blouse. Minho stares at Nari with wide eyes, a page still dangling from his hand.
"Don't stop on my account," Nari says, crossing her arms as she leans against the doorframe. "I love hearing my team have fun, but I'm afraid I have some news."
The room goes silent except for the faint creak of Hyunjin's couch as he sits up, his laughter replaced by a wary frown. Minho clears his throat, trying to act professional. "Noona, you're scaring me. What the fuck is wrong?"
Nari sighs, her usual calm cracking just a little. "We weren't able to secure the funding to keep Levanter as an independent publishing company. Starting next week, we'll be merging with Miroh Publishing."
The air in the room turns heavy, like the fun has been sucked out and replaced with dread. Minho's jaw drops, and he throws his hands up in the air. "Noona, no! Not those boring, uncreative, living-under-the-bridge, fucking toll-collecting trolls!"
"Oppa!" Ayame exclaims, smacking his arm.
"What?" Minho snaps, exasperated. "You've read what they publish! They wouldn't know creativity if it hit them in their boring fucking spreadsheets. They'd probably publish a fucking phone book if it sold well enough."
"Minho," Nari says, pinching the bridge of her nose but clearly holding back a laugh. "I understand your reservations, but we need to play nice with the trolls. Especially you, since you're HR."
Minho groans like he's just been sentenced to life in prison. "Great. I'm gonna have to fucking smile and nod while they tell me about their stock options and goddamn quarterly profits."
"This is going to suck ass," Hyunjin declares, flopping back onto the couch like he's given up on life. "I can already feel my creativity dying."
Ayame nods solemnly, dramatically placing a hand over her chest. "Rest in peace, our souls. Taken too soon."
Seungmin shrugs, ever the pragmatist. "Maybe it won't be that bad. I mean, it probably will. But we'll survive. Probably."
Nari's lips twitch as she watches her team. Despite their dramatics, the affection in her eyes is clear. "I believe in you all. Just try to keep the swearing to a minimum when the Miroh people are around, okay?"
The group collectively groans like teenagers grounded for the weekend. Minho slams the manuscript back onto Ayame's desk. "Anyway, back to this fucking masterpiece," he announces, holding it up like it's the Holy Grail.
"Masterpiece is a strong fucking word," Seungmin mutters.
"I hate how fucking invested I am in this," Hyunjin grumbles, rubbing his temples.
Ayame smirks, leaning back in her chair. "Well, oppas, if we're going down, we might as well go down fucking laughing."
The Levanter office is quieter than usual, the usual hum of laughter and borderline-chaotic energy replaced by a suffocating tension that hangs in the air like a storm cloud.
It's been a week since Nari dropped the merger bomb, and now the Miroh Publishing employees have officially moved in, bringing with them an unnerving sense of order and a suffocating aura of professionalism.
Everything feels wrong. Too pristine, too polished, too full of people in grey suits who talk about quarterly projections with the kind of passion that could only come from a soul-crushing love for numbers.
Ayame adjusts the hem of her red mini skirt as she steps into the shared executive assistant office. Her black blouse is tucked in neatly enough to meet the bare minimum standard of professionalism, but her hair is another story.
A messy updo with pens jutting out at odd angles like a tiny war zone atop her head. Her desk is an explosion of sticky notes, mismatched pens, half-empty coffee cups, and a precarious stack of manuscripts threatening to topple over.
She's barely sat down when the door swings open. A man strides in, moving with the kind of purpose that screams control freak. Broad shoulders fill out his crisp white shirt, his tie perfectly knotted and tucked under a tailored black vest. Dark, perfectly coiffed hair catches the overhead lighting as his sharp eyes sweep the room.
Bang Chan.
Her new co-executive assistant.
He sets his sleek black laptop down with the precision of someone defusing a bomb. His movements are clipped, deliberate, and when his gaze lands on Ayame's desk, his jaw tightens like he's just spotted a war crime.
"Your desk," he says. "is an abomination of clutter."
Ayame doesn't even look up at first, letting the silence hang just long enough to be obnoxious before she leans back in her chair. Crossing her legs, she rests her elbow on the armrest and her chin in her hand, flashing him an unrepentant grin. "Nice to meet you too."
Chan's expression doesn't so much as twitch. He opens his laptop, flipping it open with an almost militaristic efficiency. "I assumed," he begins, his voice clipped, "that you'd at least attempt professionalism, considering your position. But clearly, I overestimated."
Ayame arches a brow, the grin never leaving her face. "Oh, I haven't even pulled out the glitter yet. You know, really jazz the place up. Maybe a disco ball in the corner?"
Chan pauses, his fingers hovering over the keyboard as he slowly turns his head to look at her. "Glitter," he repeats flatly, his voice devoid of any amusement. "This is your workplace, not an arts and crafts club."
She shrugs, twirling one of the pens she pulls from her hair. "Guess you'll just have to get used to me."
His jaw visibly tightens, and he doesn't bother to hide the way his eyes sweep over her, from her unapologetically casual outfit to the chaos that is her desk. "I assumed you got this position because of your maturity, despite your age," he says pointedly, turning back to his laptop. "Clearly, I was wrong."
Ayame sits up straighter, resting her elbows on the desk and steepling her fingers like she's about to deliver a TED Talk. "Oh, don't worry, I got this job because I'm amazing at it even though I'm only twenty-three. You'll figure that out soon enough, probably after you pull that stick out of your ass."
Chan's fingers pause mid-type. Slowly, he looks up at her, his dark eyes narrowing like he's recalculating whether he even wants to engage. "Professionalism," he says, his voice low and sharp, "doesn't seem to be your strong suit, does it?"
"Strong suits are overrated," Ayame fires back, clicking her pen obnoxiously. "You seem to have plenty. Let me guess, you have them organized by the shade of grey in your closet?"
The clicking of the pen makes Chan's eye twitch, though his expression remains impassive. "I prefer efficiency," he says, his tone clipped. "Something you could clearly use more of."
Ayame leans forward, resting her chin on her hand as she looks at him with mock curiosity. "Oh, efficiency? What's it like to be so tightly wound you might snap if someone sneezes too loudly?"
Chan exhales sharply through his nose, clearly trying to keep his cool. "It's called being thorough. You should try it sometime."
"Thorough?" she echoes, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "Wow, big word. Did they teach you that in your quarterly projections porn club?"
His typing stops completely, and for a moment, the only sound in the room is the faint hum of the air conditioning. Chan looks up, his gaze locking with hers. "Do you ever stop talking?"
"Nope," Ayame says, popping the p as she leans back in her chair again, her grin widening. "It's one of my many charms. Don't worry, you'll grow to love it."
He doesn't respond, choosing instead to return to his furious typing, though the stiffness in his posture betrays his irritation. Ayame watches him for a moment, noting the way his jaw tightens every time her pen clicks.
"Oh, you're going to have so much fun working with me," she says sweetly, leaning her chin on her hand as she stares at him.
Chan doesn't look up, but his voice is tight when he replies. "Fun isn't the word I'd use."
Ayame clicks her pen again, smirking to herself. This is going to be fucking fun.
An hour later, the main office feels like a funeral. The usual noise, keyboard clacks, muted conversations, and the occasional burst of laughter, is replaced by an oppressive silence. Employees from both sides linger awkwardly in clumps, avoiding eye contact and murmuring in hushed tones about the inevitable layoffs. The room reeks of anxiety and bad coffee.
Chan steps into the centre of the room like he owns it, clipboard in hand and his expression coldly professional. His movements are deliberate, his voice loud enough to cut through the tension like a blade.
"Sooyeon, Jimin, Sooyun, Hyunwoo, Donghae, Eunwoo, Jiho, Hajoon, and Iseul," he announces, reading the names off his list like he's handing out death sentences. The words hang in the air, heavy and suffocating. "Effective immediately, your positions have been made redundant due to the merger."
For a moment, the room is so silent it's almost eerie. Then the shock sets in. A few of the named employees exchange wide-eyed, horrified glances. Others sputter protests, their voices shaky and tinged with disbelief.
"You can't be serious," Sooyun blurts out, her voice trembling. "I've been here for five fucking years!"
"This isn't fair," Hyunwoo adds, his face pale. "We didn't even get a warning."
Chan doesn't flinch. His tone is steady, almost mechanical. "You've been provided severance packages, and HR will assist you with the transition. Please see them before the end of the day."
"Transition?" Eunwoo snaps, his voice cracking with anger. "You mean, 'pack your shit and leave'?"
Chan doesn't respond, simply gesturing toward the HR office with the dispassionate efficiency of a soldier following orders. It's clinical. Brutal. Utterly merciless.
From across the room, Ayame stands with Minho, Hyunjin, and Seungmin, their expressions a mix of disbelief, anger, and simmering contempt.
Minho lets out a low whistle, shaking his head as he leans against Ayame's desk. "And so it fucking begins. The great fuckening. Congratulations, guys. We're officially the only beauties left among the trolls. I didn't even know this was happening and I'm fucking HR"
Hyunjin frowns, crossing his arms. "I thought the story was goats and trolls. You know, like the fairytale?"
Minho glares at him. "Do I look like a fucking goat to you?"
"You're stubborn enough to be one," Seungmin mutters, his lips twitching in amusement.
Minho flips him off without looking. "We're not goats, okay? We're too fucking hot for that. We're beauties, and these assholes are corporate dick-sucking trolls who wouldn't know creativity if it fucked them in the face."
Seungmin snorts, adjusting his glasses. "Very eloquent, Minho-hyung. Shakespeare would be proud."
Before Minho can retort, Han Jisung, a graphic designer from Miroh, saunters by with a smug grin plastered across his face. He's wearing a grey blazer that screams corporate drone, but his cocky swagger is unmistakable. "Yeah, because creativity really worked wonders for Levanter," he says, his tone dripping with condescension. "Oh wait. That's right. Miroh saved your asses."
Minho doesn't even hesitate. He scratches his nose with his middle finger, the gesture painfully deliberate. "No one fucking asked for your commentary."
Ayame bites her lip to keep from laughing as Hyunjin rolls his eyes. "God, they're multiplying," Hyunjin mutters, glaring at Jisung. "Like corporate cockroaches. They'll be in the walls next."
Jisung raises an eyebrow, clearly unimpressed. "Careful, pretty boy. The cockroaches might be your boss soon."
Hyunjin's jaw tightens as he steps forward, his height making him tower over Jisung. "Like I'd ever listen to you. You probably can't even spell 'boss.'"
Jisung's smirk doesn't falter. "It's B-O-S-S. You want me to write it down for you, or are you too busy practising your pout to take notes?"
Before Hyunjin can fire back, Chan walks past, clipboard still in hand, his sharp gaze cutting between them. "You've got a lot to say for someone who's already late on their first assignment," he says, his tone ice-cold and loaded with quiet authority.
Hyunjin stares after him, slack-jawed. "It's been an hour! How the fuck am I already late?!"
Chan doesn't answer, already striding away like he has far more important things to do than argue with Hyunjin.
Ayame leans toward Hyunjin, her voice low and dripping with mock sympathy. "Welcome to hell, oppa. Population: us."
Hyunjin groans, dragging a hand down his face. "I swear to fucking god, this place is cursed."
Minho crosses his arms, still glaring in the direction Chan disappeared. "Cursed? No. It's just run by assholes in suits. Same thing, though."
Seungmin sighs, straightening his tie as he looks around the room. "If this is what week one looks like, we're fucked."
Ayame clicks her pen idly, her gaze flicking back to the still-shocked employees being ushered out of the office. Her lips curl into a smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes. "Oh, we're definitely fucked. But at least we'll go down swinging."
Taglist: @fackeraccount @ot8girlfie @nightmarenyxx @reimaybeidk
@ismelllikechlorine247 @drewsandsebastianswife @my-neurodivergent-world
#stray kids x reader#skz x reader#skz x oc#bang chan#bang chan x reader#bang chan x you#bang chan x oc#bang chan x female reader#bang chan x y/n#chan x oc#chan x reader#chan x you#chan x y/n#chan x female reader#skz au#skz smau#lee know#han jisung#lee felix#seo changbin#hwang hyunjin#yang jeongin#kim seungmin
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Mom, Please!
@throneofglassmicrofics August prompts "Lake" & "Splash"
Word count: ~1k if you squint 😂
Warnings: swearing, teenage antics, Rowan getting grey hairs from stress
Enjoy!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I hear footsteps," Aelin mumbled, half-drowsy.
"Go back to sleep, Fireheart," Rowan mumbled back, burying his face in her hair. "It's probably just a rabbit or something."
"At---" She cracked her eyes open and stared at the fuzzy numbers on the clock across the bedroom. "One in the morning?"
"Mmmh, fine." Her husband attempted to push himself upright and flopped back into bed with a groan. "Dammit!"
She kissed his shoulder. "Don't throw your back out, old man. I'll go check on things." Aelin pushed herself out of bed and tucked the covers up over her sleepy, grumpy husband, who grumbled something about I'll show you a thrown-out back as she stepped into her slippers and crept out of their bedroom.
The hallway of the lakeside cabin was dark and silent, broken by strips of silvery moonlight filtering in through the skylights. Aelin came into the living room and paused, wondering why the hell the sliding door that led to the patio was cracked open. Had one of the kids forgotten to close it?
And there were those damn footsteps again.
Slowly, she crept up to the windows and nudged the curtain aside just enough to peer out and find---"Gods above, Mom!"
"Holy shit, Lana!" Aelin and her oldest daughter screeched at each other at the same time, and Aelin leapt back from the window as if it had slapped her, wishing she could scrub the sight of Lana and her boyfriend playing tonsil hockey out of her eyes. "Fucking hell," she groaned, rubbing at her eyes with both hands. "It's too damn late for this."
There was a rustling outside the house, and a very sheepish Lana snuck back inside through the patio door to find her mother sitting on the couch with her head buried in her hands. "Mom?" she ventured. "Are you...okay?"
Aelin grumbled something incoherent in reply.
Lana discreetly tugged her sweatshirt's hood up, relying on the shadows it cast over her neck. "Um, Mom?"
"I'm fine," Aelin mumbled. "Just gonna have to tell Yrene about this. You could've at least mentioned that Cal's family was here too."
"I didn't know he'd be here," Lana whispered, blushing an adorably bright pink. "He surprised me."
"Pebbles on your window and all that romantic shit?" Aelin teased.
Lana grinned, her smile a mirror of her mom's. "Yeah."
"Can't hardly blame you, then." Aelin stood up. "Well, I'm going to bed before your overbearing father decides I've been gone for too long and hurts himself trying to find his way down the hall in the dark. G'night, sweetheart."
Rowan, of course, was awake when she came back into the bedroom, fumbling for his glasses. "Stop that, buzzard."
He sighed and flopped back into bed. "Everything alright?"
"Yeah, just Lana and Cal tangling tongues out behind the patio." She turned onto her side and fluffed up her pillows.
Strangled wheezing erupted from Rowan, and Aelin flipped back over to rub her husband's back until his shock dissipated. "The fuck?" he croaked.
She chuckled and handed him his water. "You know, Lana's boyfriend?"
"I know who," Rowan grumbled. "When? How? Why?"
"Ro, honey, you really don't want me to answer any of that." She kissed his forehead. "Go back to sleep, love."
~
The summer sun shone brightly over the lake, and Aelin lounged comfortably in her chair, enjoying the warmth and the laughter surrounding her family.
"Owww! Get away from me!" The shrill shriek was accompanied by a pair of feet sprinting towards Aelin and a smaller body taking refuge behind her chair. "Mom, Bran keeps shooting his stupid water gun at my face!" It was Charlotte, their third child.
"It's not my fault you're afraid of your stupid lashes falling off!" Bran, who was nearly sixteen, yelled back at his younger sister.
Indignant, Charlotte gasped and stood up, planting her hands on her hips. At fourteen and a half, she was the most strongly opinionated of the Whitethorn kids, and she wasn't afraid to show it. "You take that back!" she demanded, and when Bran told her to make him, she picked up a nearby bucket and headed for him.
Aelin opened her eyes and watched her wildfire daughter dump a whole bucket of lake water over her oldest son's head, which resulted in him screaming like a little girl because a frog had happened to be in the bucket and had now found a new home in the back of Bran's swim trunks. She chuckled to herself.
"Kids these days," Lana fake-sighed as she walked past, three more baby frogs cradled carefully in her hands.
"Says the kid who snuck her boyfriend over in the middle of the night," Aelin deadpanned.
Lana's face went scarlet. "Mom, please! Everyone can hear!"
"Just like last night," Aelin added. She winked. "Uncle Fen would be so proud of you, sweetheart."
"Oh my gods," Lana groaned. "You're the---"
"Are those frogs?" A younger voice broke into the conversation, eager eyes peering at Lana's hands. Rielle Whitethorn, the older of the twins by three and a half minutes, jumped up, trying to see the little frogs as Lana put her hands up higher. "I wanna see the frogs, Lana!"
"Shhh!" Lana shot a look over towards where Bran and Charlotte had moved their water gun fight into the lake, joined by Cal and two of his brothers. "I'm gonna dump them on Bran's head." She winked at her little sister. "Wanna join?"
"Hell yeah!"
Aelin lowered her sunglasses. "Rielle Enna Whitethorn!"
"Sorry, Mom." Rielle was ten, and she and her twin brother Declan were like sponges around the older siblings that they idolized. She ran off, following Lana down to the lake, and Aelin watched with her smile hidden behind her book as the two of them crept up behind Bran and successfully released the frogs onto his head.
He howled and scrambled frantically, arms flailing, until he finally gave up and ducked beneath the water to get the frogs off of his head. Aelin snickered, beyond pleased that her children had inherited her fondness for fun little pranks.
Down in the lake, Cal slung his arm around Lana, and she rested her head on his shoulder and smirked up at him. He leaned down, whispered something in her ear that made her shake with laughter, and pressed his---
"Gods above," Aelin groaned, shoving her face into her book.
Not again.
~~~
TAGS:
@live-the-fangirl-life
@superspiritfestival
@thegreyj
@wordsafterhours
@elentiyawhitethorn
@mariaofdoranelle
@rowanaelinn
@house-of-galathynius
@tomtenadia
@julemmaes
@swankii-art-teacher
@charlizeed
@booknerdproblems
@earthtolinds
@goddess-aelin
@sweet-but-stormy
@clea-nightingale
@autumnbabylon
@llyncooljones
@silentquartz
@renxzs
@anarchiii
@fauna-flora11
#my writing#prompt fill#throne of glass microfics#tog microfics#throne of glass#aelin galathynius#rowan whitethorn#rowan x aelin#rowaelin#rowaelin fanfic#rowaelin fanfiction#throne of glass fanfic#throne of glass fanfiction#rowaelin and kiddos#more family fics yay!!!#yes it's fluff i swear#hehehehhehehe#the whitethorns
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[Transcript under the cut]
Cassandra: interesting… Cassandra: kitty spirit box is that your only song? Cassandra: you're just playing around. WG: Bluma!! c'mon girl. you're seven years old that ghoul's gonna eat you up WG: … damn that's a bunch of garlic. WG: shit WG: [wheeze] Jesus- stupid lungs WG and Cass: OOF Cass: watch it! WG: SORRY- sorry, my flashlight is-- is that Metallica? Cass: ugh. yes WG: where'd you even come from?! Cass: secret stairs behind that wall. this place is a maze WG: there's more?! Cass: shh-! did you hear that? Door screech Bluma: oh hey! what took you so long? WG: …huh Bluma: come on in, i want you to meet someone Bluma: this is Jojo! Cass: …that's a cat WG: lord take me Bluma: he's so polite and cuddly. Jojo was the one making all that noise, he just wanted out but couldn't get the door open. Bluma: can we- WG: there's no way we are keeping that thing Cass: don't listen to your uncle, i let him adopt a trash panda years ago and he cuddled it like a baby Bluma: really?? Cass: mhm. can i carry him? WG: i can't with this Cass: hi Jojo. is this your maze? you did quite an interesting job on it. Jojo: mrow Bluma: i think he wants down Cass: only if he lets me investigate the place. Jojo: meow! WG: so you're not gonna ask how's that thing still alive? Bluma: maybe he's been living off the mold in the walls WG: word Cass: Wolfgang, look at this WG: what's that Cass: these are notes on vampirism. I think whoever owned Jojo before was working on a cure or something similar. WG: ( reading ) Even if i'm following your recipe exactly the way you lend it to me, i don't think i will ever have it done. I don't see it all like you do, i fear i will never do. i'm sorry. Cass: something fell off. what is it? WG: a coincidence. Hey Blooms, grab that guy. We are going back up Bluma: Maggie, this is Jojo. Jojo, Maggie. Meet each other, talk. Cass: Wolfgang. WG: you are getting married. Cass: well, i'm already married. WG lits cigarrette WG: …i'm sorry, Cass. I really suck at words but, yeah. i wish i could've been, i don't know, better. Cass: don't you mean be? WG: yeah, maybe. WG: so. is Nervous married too? i'm up for more surprises Cass: well i haven't seen Nervous in a while, but i keep in touch with Annie and as far as i know, everything's jolly. also you're a grandparent WG: the hell Cass: yeah congratulations. PB had four pups and Nervous named one of them after you WG: …holy shit. Cass: yeah, everyone's changing. Cass: … i don't forgive you, by the way. Cass: but, i don't regret going on that date with you either.
Bluma: is she's gone… gone? WG: i don't know. but she said she never cared about me stealing her truck. Bluma: why do all your friends come and go? WG: all my friends? Bluma: yeah, like the freckled one. Morgana? WG: Morgan…? Bluma: yeah! she was here some years ago asking about you, and gave me my glasses. she had beautiful orange hair… like a butterfly! Bluma: are you okay?! WG: yeah yeah- just-- why don't you show Jojo our curtains and- your dad's socks collection Bluma: oh- yeah! you're right
#oh#ts4#ts4 story#munch#well thats a lot to digest so i will keep my mouth shut#wolfgang munch#cassandra goth#bluma vatore#maggie the cat#JOJO THE CAT
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An impulsive response to @dronebiscuitbat for the recent 20th part of the nuzi fic Aka a fan creation fueled by desire for comedy
[STARGAZING AT SOMETHING BETTER THAN STARS]
.
.
.
A do-over prom, best idea Thad has ever had... Just deal with whoever has magnets and tries funny things. Yeah.
He'll be fine!
The music is blaring, the lights are bright, the band friggin' SLAYS, prom is going amazingly and much better than the last.
Thad had dealt with a... Harrasser, some guys with magnets, and may or may not have found the culprit for spiking the fermented oil. Asshole that girl, i swear, he thought. Well at least prom is doing well!
Two drones stepped into the dance floor, starting with clumsy steps and slowly progressing to faster speeds. That's Uzi and N, and she has wings?! Awesome! Thad took note of this, and so did the band currently playing.
The crowd was startled, some began to cheer and encourage, the band picked up the pace telling the duo to go all out.
Little by little, they began to rise from the floor, flying, almost about to shoot for the sky.
The band picked up the pace, more and more and more, until...
..!
Would you look at that! They shot into the sky!
All the air that surrounded the duo suddenly got blasted onto... Well, everywhere! One dude got sent back from it, too... They really did shoot to the sky huh! Okay better take a look at the guy holy robo-jesus.
Thad ran over to the potentially injured drone, as fast as he could. "Dude are you okay?! Are you hurt?!"
"Hh... Yeah i'm fine, i'll walk it off no worries..." Thad doubted the guy's response, "I'll ask for help anyway- can anyone help this guy that's hurt?!"
"No really i'll be fine, look"... Did he just fucking stand up and walk away?? Back to do his thing??
... Yes he did.
Hm.
Welp! That's sorted out faster than thought! Back into the action!
After a small few minutes of Prom Stuff™, suddenly he, somehow, managed to hear chatter in the sky... Uzi and N, they have to be. How are they doin' up there?
"Wonder how they're doin' up there!" That's exactly what i narrated here. Anyway- Thad looked up and... Couldn't make out a damn thing. Right. Sky. Very up there. Does he have anything to have a better look at them?
Yes he did. From straight outta the Convinient Hammerspace For Different Events™, he pulled out a pair of binoculars and looked up at the sky now with a MUCH better look at them.
There they are, curiously way closer to each other and very lovey dovey! Man, about time those two got together, it's been clear from the get-go they liked each other.
Wait a minute.
"Whazzawhat..." He raised the binoculars again and... Upon closer look they ARE curiously way closer to each other. WAY closer.
Oh.
OH!
OHOHOHO!!
"FUCK YEAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The crowd looked at Thad in concern.
...
...
"What happened??" Someone asked.
"Uh. Hm." Thad thought of a way to slip the situation under the rug.
...
Oh yeah that's so gonna work.
"Ligma." Thad spoke the sole word.
...
"What's ligma??" Oh hell yeah he waited to do this for a WHILE...
"Ligma balls, get back to your thing." The crowd exploded into unhinged cackling and wheezing. "FUCK YOU MAN" said the someone who asked. After a little death by laughter they went back to doing Prom Stuff™
"What just happened, Thad??" Lizzy ran up to him, curious about the situation, and all Thad did was give her the binoculars. He pointed up, much to Lizzy's confusion.
She looked up at the sky, where she spotted two familiar figures kissing... "Whazzawhat??" She said as she lowered the binoculars in confusion and raised them again...
"NO FUCKING WAY" Thad wheezed at his sister's reaction, "YES FUCKING WAY" patting her on the back.
Hallelujah they finally kissed!
#murder drones#md thad#md lizzy#serial designation n#uzi doorman#nuzi#biscuitbites#<- these two goofs are only mentioned but they still exist nonetheless#Thad fucking SCREAMS#and pulls a ligma joke too#you can tell i was going off of what remained of my battery to make the last few lines until i gave up lol#spooker's writing
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Honestly, my Hazbin chapter stories haven't been doing as well as my one shots, so I need validation that if I eventually finish this RadioApple (eventual Mpreg) slowburn people will actually like it. Give me courage, people, I'm begging you 🥲
This is just one chapter from the middle of my unpublished story:
~A Golden Piece of You~
Alastor didn't understand how it happened, but the little king had somehow wormed his way into his psyche and it was quite annoying. Ever since that night Lucifer got silly drunk.
Angel Dust had somehow looped him into several games of gin rummy with Husker and Lucifer which they played well into the evening till Angel was a slightly giggling mess and Lucifer himself was headed in that direction fast. Alastor nursed a cherry martini and watched the proceedings with an increasing sense of amusement.
"Take a shot every time Alastor says something sarcastic," Angel was wheezing.
"Take a shot every time Angel says something sexual," Lucifer responded.
"NO. That's every other sentence. He moans in his sleep," Husker said, scooting back to avoid a tipsy Angel who had tried to kick him and missed.
Alastor, the only one besides Husker actually still playing, laid down his perfect hand and announced his straight.
"Gin."
"No fair asshole, how'd you get all the fuckin hearts??"
"I paid attention to my hand unlike you, And I can plainly see all your cards. For someone with two sets of arms you're horrible at concealing them."
"Shot," Lucifer whispered, then chuckled, and took one.
"You could have knocked three turns ago."
"Quit peepin' at my hand mothafuckah!"
The game went on like this till everybody, even Husk, who had a stamina for card games, tired of Alastor winning nearly every round and rose from the circular table in front of the bar to go to bed.
All except Lucifer, who stood up and immediately knocked over a chair, then followed it to the floor himself attempting to right it.
"Oh this is fuckin hilarious," Angel whipped his cell phone from his chest poof and snapped a photo before Husker could stop him.
"For my personal collection," Angel said fondly.
Alastor, who had been putting away the cards, glanced to Husker, who shrugged, going, "I've got this one," gesturing to Angel, "He's all yours."
"Yours can actually handle his liquor," Alastor returned. "And I am not claiming responsibility for him. Thank you."
"All seven of you are terrible," Lucifer giggled from the floor, "Why are you letting the room spinnnnn?"
Angel was silently counting on his fingers, "How many extra of each one of us is he referring to do yah think?"
"Oh for heaven's sake," Alastor said irritably, tossing the envelope of cards onto the table and striding over to help Lucifer to his feet, who was snickering helplessly as Angel held up a few of his arms and said, "Hey, how many fingers am I holding up?"
"Fuh-fifteen," Lucifer said. "Holy shit. WhyDoYouHaveSoMany?"
"You are going to have to actually stand up, Lucifer," Alastor said impatiently, while supporting him from underneath an armpit.
"Actually he was right. I was holding up fifteen," Angel grinned, watching as Alastor struggled to hold upright a limp and giggling King of Hell. The radio demon rolled his eyes.
"His room is on the opposite end of the hotel," Husker said, "So uh, good luck with that," and smirking, tugged off a protesting Angel to leave Alastor with..
This thing.
"When did you get so fuckin' sexyy?" Lucifer was saying, his chin on Alastor's lower shoulder.
Oh, clouds above...
"Perhaps somewhere around your tenth shot," Alastor snapped. "Come on."
"Kay."
Tempted to simply bodily drag him through the hotel, but wary of what Charlie would say if she happened to see him treating her father like a sack of potatoes, Alastor settled with just hauling him along while Lucifer complained, "You walk too fasttt."
"Well then keep up. And you'd best sober up fast because Miss Mcmillan's fiance is arriving tomorrow to scope out rooms for her wedding venue. And we actually want her to choose the hotel, remember?"
"OhFuckThat'sTomorrow."
He sighed. "Yes, Lucifer."
"My daughter will be....piiiiissed if I'm not there for that.."
"Exactly."
"I love her so much, Alastor. That's my baby girl. I'm so proud of her..."
..."I know."
Finally, silence. But not for long. Lucifer said, "Do you even care for her? Huh? What are your intentions with her, and her hotel anyways..... 'Cause I can't get a vibe from you and it drives me insane."
Alastor, finally realizing Lucifer could stand on his own now without support, propped him by his bedroom door and was about to just leave him to go to his own room when a thought hit him, and he turned back around.
"Wait a moment, will you repeat that last part for me?"
Lucifer stood on tiptoe to get in Alastor's face, poking him on the chest, "You heard me. You. Drive me. Insane." - each stop in his sentence punctuated by another poke to the chest.
Alastor was grinning, looming over him, "Do I, now? In what way?"
He was taking in Lucifer's appearance now, how his already flushed cheeks were casted with a deep golden, noting his body language like how he leaned into Alastor.
Leaning in, not even cringing at his closeness.
Interesting.
"In every way imaginable," Lucifer glared, "-You. I mean- one minute you actually have a heart, then-"
"Then what?~"
"You go and- do something so *evil*, and downright idiotic-"
"Oh, do go on."
"I just, it makes me *crazy*, it makes me want to *throat punch* you, it makes me- ah, fuck what the hell."
Before Alastor could respond to any of this, Lucifer threw his arms around his neck and kissed him.
When their lips connected Alastor made a noise of protest and tried to break it; but surprisingly strong, Lucifer held on to him, drawing him in by the lapels of his jacket, and Alastor, though shocked, was surprised that he found himself pinning Lucifer against the wall, kissing him back, feeling those hot soft lips against his, the small hands curling in his hair, a hint of tongue, and-
Oh, no. He couldn't do this. Absolutely not. Lucifer was drunk off his ass.
He pried Lucifer's hands away from him with some effort and broke the kiss, growling, "Now see, *that* was an idiotic move on your part."
Lucifer's breath was hot on his cheek. "You kissed me back. So who's the idiot?"
"You are drunk. I cannot take advantage of that."
"Then why are you still here?"
For some reason, Lucifer's unexpected act had completely frozen him in place. He felt a bit unable to move or think.
Finally, after staring each other down for what seemed an eternity, Alastor was able to make himself back away and turn around to leave.
"For your information," he said,
"I
intend to draw patrons in to the hotel. My intentions with Charlie are to make sure she is set up for success; which I cannot do if I stick around to listen to your drunk ramblings. Good night, Lucifer."
And he walked off.
~
What a splitting headache.
Lucifer, his head pounding, made his way to one of the many hotel kitchens and brewed some coffee there, still buttoning his vest up and tying his bowtie, checking his reflection in a nearby metal toaster to make sure that his hair wasn't too bird nested.
"Good morning, dad!!!!" Charlie busted into the door, making him jump and cringe. She was singing away, and remarked, "Ooh, coffee"
Now that his daughter was around, it was time to slide into a role that didn't involve feeling like a groggy piece of shit. Lucifer forced a stupid grin, and said, "Morning, sunshine!"
Charlie hummed and did a little butt wiggle while she poured her own coffee then began scrimmaging around in the cabinets for a poptart. Someone else pushed their way into the room and opened the fridge. Jeez, was this the only stocked kitchen in the entire hotel?
Last night. ...He wasn't sure if he'd dreamed it or not. Pouring creamer into his coffee, and while Charlie's back was turned, he allowed his mind to wander and nudged through the mists of blackout that was the night before.
He had been playing gin rummy with Husker, Angel and Alastor; yeah, that checked out. He remembered laughing a lot.
He inwardly cringed. He'd done a lot of laughing about dumb shit. After that things had gotten a bit blurry. Had someone helped him to his room? He thought he remembered that, at least.
"Mornin', Aluhfter!" He heard Charlie say through a mouthful of poptart.
Lucifer nearly dropped the creamer on the floor. As it was, it fell over on the counter anyway, and he ended up having to dust powder from the surface into a napkin and toss it into a nearby trash can.
Alastor had helped him to his room.
"Good morning, Darling. Don't speak with your mouth full. You'll get crumbs on the floor."
"Right! Shorry! I mean" she gulped, "Sorry. Manners. You're right. You ready for this afternoon?"
While they spoke about hotel plans, Lucifer continued cleaning up an invisible mess that had been clean several minutes prior, and oh shit, he had to escape the room somehow but could he do that without making eye contact with-
He turned around and came face to face with Alastor.
"Uhh"
Dammit, upon scoping the room for an out, he realized Charlie had already left.
The radio demon was grinning, as he always was.
"Good morning ~," he purred, "Sleep well?"
"Y-yeah, sure did," Lucifer was edging his way to the door, coffee in hand, reaching for his hat which he had plopped onto the counter before fixing his bowtie. Gah, the brim was covered in coffee cream powder. Shit. And his hat apple was missing.
Alastor had helped him to his room, and that kiss - had not, in fact, been a dream. He remembered it all now.
"So if you'll excuse me- hey, where did you get that apple?"
"Oh this?"
Alastor was tossing the fruit in the air, catching it, "I needed it for my breakfast. Hope you don't mind."
Lucifer glared, "So that's where all my hat apples have been going."
Alastor examined the fruit, holding up a hand as if to say 'excuse me', grabbed a knife from beside the sink and sliced it in half.
"On second thought, you can have this half of it back."
Lucifer was finding a whole lot of trouble getting pissed off right now as Alastor stuck the apple half back onto its place in Lucifer's hat brim.
"Um. Alastor? Did I...?" He cringed inwardly, "Did I do anything embarrassing last night..?"
"Hmm. No more than usual. You've got coffee creamer on your boots, by the way."
Okay, there was no way Alastor didn't remember the kiss. The way he had kissed him back, Lucifer thought surely...
Maybe there could have been something there.
Alastor winked, "Better get cleaned up before our guests arrive, Applesauce.~"
The radio demon took the hat from his hands, placed it on Lucifer's head, then gave it a fond little pat, making coffee creamer snow down to the floor.
"Tata."
"Ugh, you can fucking have the rest of this apple, you nut case!" Lucifer yanked it off his hat and tossed it in Alastor's direction, but the radio demon was already halfway through the door, and it just hit the wood and bounced to the floor. He could hear Alastor cackling madly.
"Fuck," Lucifer said aloud to the empty room, "God dammit."
#hazbin#hazbin alastor#hazbin hotel#alastor hartfelt#hazbin art#radioapple#alastor#bottom lucifer#hazbin hotel lucifer#lucifer morningstar#hazbin lucifer#lucifer magne#angel dust being angel dust#hazbin angel dust#angel dust#hazbin husker#husker hazbin hotel#huskerdust#husker x angel dust#RadioApples#radio apple#drunk lucifer#lucifer being gay#radioapple kiss
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cuz im kinda bored and sick ill torture myself with writing a fic (also happy late easter)
The Other Way Around
Valeria x fem!reader
Usually she takes care of you, but shit hit the floor when she got her period. In the past, it's been manageable enough. No clue what changed exactly... (womp womp)
General warnings/info idk 888 words 2nd person Pronouns Fluff(?) Blood (sort of) & google translated spanish
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You just came back from shopping in the small farmers market in Las Alamas. Despite all of the crimes and spilled blood, it's been standing strong—something you appreciate. The door swayed open, to what you expected to be a sleepy home.
Moaning howled from upstairs.
Your brows creased, staring at the small hole leading into what could lead into a hell of a situation. It had been just you and a few soldiers residing in the home. Your lover had been a workhorse for the past month or two now. A thunderous wail fractured your line of thought. Maybe the quiet wasn't so lonely after all.
Strolling over to the kitchen, you were sensible enough to put refrigerated items away. The rest of the clutter can flump on the counter. Now, time to deal with whatever sex-crazed soldier was upstairs. Your thundering steps sung a chorus with the groans, turning from hall to hall. At the door, your hand launched for the knob. It hurled open, bashing into something. A figure stumbled, flinging back like a stick in the dirt. There was an odd absence of a counterpart...
The counterpart was you, dumbass!
A frown contorted your face as you reached out to your spouse. "...Valeria? God, I'm so, so sorry..." You uttered her name as if she were holy. (It's partly true, for you at least.) Her softened gaze flickered to you when your hands stroke her frizzled hair. "I'm fine, Cariño," she wheezed. Valeria was perched over the sink, clutching her abdomen. Her mewls in anguish disrupted your thoughts...Fuck! Your partner was better at this then you were, the whole contingence thing.
"Please don't play stupid with me..."
" I'm fine, really—I just need some time."
Your head shook at Valeria's languish. Drawing the cabinet open beneath the both of you, scavenging for some pads, pain medication, and some lotion. Valeria slumped onto the toilet, bunching her torso downwards. Before fetching some other necessities, you shrunk onto your knees, in front of Valeria. "Hey..." you lured her hair away from her face, before your hands lowered to her cheeks.
"Think you can take the Ibuprofen before I come back?"
She lowly nodded as you set the medication near her, loosening the lid enough for easy access. Sure, there were other things to get, but you can't help to dote on her a little. Rubbing her lower back, your lips pressed into her neck. A mumbling sigh swept from Valeria's lips into your shoulder. One of your hands slid from her back, and to her abdomen. It was a bit harder to tug your digits in, but Valeria shifted enough to help you. For a while, it was like this, your palm on her thigh, knuckles massaging her stomach.
"Consigue lo que necesitas, amor." (Get what you need, Love.)
"But I don't want to leave you alone," you grumbled as an excuse, your lips were on her collarbone, taking in the smooth bumps she blessed you with.
"I can see that, esposa. It's OK, I'm strong enough to handle this."
"... But I miss you."
You feel the hesitance as Valeria tugged you away. She strained to reach the medication, taking the pills. You saw her head nudging towards the doorway as you heaved upwards. A nod in return, you begrudgingly dragged yourself out. You return with a heating pad, some hand towels... "I need some shorts..."
An understanding nod, you fetched some clothes, and one of the paper grocery bags from the kitchen.
"Some water, please." And some water...
"Some blankets?" And some blankets... You were panting after sprinting back and forward, seeing your lover had moved from the bathroom; she was lenient enough to put back most of the things you got... Except the bloody underwear and shorts. A grumble huffed from your lips, washing the garments. Your hands grew sore, bloodied and dry, kneading the fabrics within themselves. Hanging them up on a rack, your legs ached with sleep. Now hauling yourself to your shared bedroom, your gaze flickered to your wife. She was sprawled out in bed, a damp towel laying on her head. The heating pad you gave her was set on her stomach, as well as her nightstand littered with some bottles of water and medication. You never ended up using the lotion for Valeria, but that was fine. Her eyes were closed, entangled in the sheets. Your cheeks swelled with warmth; a smile teased your lips. Strolling to the bed, you sat on the plush comforter. "You don't need that much medication," you faintly advised, busying your hands by rubbing her calves. "Hmph... I'm lazy to put it back." You heard a light chuckle whisk towards you, Valeria's legs wrapped you in a clutch, tugging you towards her. Careful not to sweep off what Valeria had on her in the moment, you laid on your side. Luckily you weren't in her leg-clutch for too long; it would have been awkward enough. You were held close instead, a thought igniting in your head. She was home, finally home! You were back in your lover's arms—maybe it should be the other way around—but relief sprout like fireworks. You were free to continue to dote on her, but sleep drew near. Your lids weighed you down, nuzzling into her side. "Bonita...Mind making dinner?"
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Pet Name Translations:
Cariño - My dear Esposa - Wife Bonita - Pretty
#i hope i put in my warnings right#idk if i grammared right either#my website glitched and i had to restart my laptop smh#AT LEAST MY PROGRESS SAVED#cod valeria#valeria garza#valeria garza cod#valeria x reader#valeria cod#valeria x you#valeria garza x fem!reader#cod fanfic#cod mw2#call of duty#call of duty modern warfare II#valeria garza fluff#this fic took like 3-4 hrs to make wtf#happy late easter again
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"Wanna get high, babe?"
Simon Kalivoda x Male! Reader
SFW!!♡♡
☆ Summary: Simon and [Name] get high out of their God damn minds and start spilling their guts about each other, their feelings, and fears, which then turns into a small make-out session.
☆ Request: Yes or No
☆ Genre: Angst / Fluff
☆ Word count: 1,507
☆Warnings: Underage smoking, groping, and making out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Cease to resist, giving my goodbye Drive my car into the ocean. You'll think I'm dead, but I sail away."
Echoed throughout Simon's messy room as [Name's] head rested on Simon's chest, his arm around his body. They lay there in silence, the only sound being the whirl of the tape spinning around in the boom box.
The two boys had been listening to "Doolittle" in silence, enjoying each other's company as the music played.
Simon sat up, ran a hand through his hair, and looked around his room.
"What's wrong, sigh?" [Name] asked, sitting up and placing a hand on his back
"Wanna get high, babe?"
"I- I've only been high like... twice."
"You don't have to if you don't want to!"
"No! No, no, no, no! I do, I just don't want to seem awkward or whatever!"
Simon smiled and gently punched [Name's] shoulder. "You're cute when you're awkward."
[Name] smiled at Simon and placed a kiss on his cheek.
"So do you...?"
"Yes."
Simon got up out of bed, walked towards his closet, slid the door open, and pulled out the bong that was stashed in the corner.
"I've never used one of those. How do you..."
Simon sat on the bed, pulling out a lighter from his pajama pants pocket.
"Okay, so you light this part right here. It's called the bowl. Then you place your lips on the mouthpiece and inhale until this part which is called the neck is full of fucking smoke, then pull off the bowl and inhale, and then you know, exhale... it's real simple!"
"Sounds like it!" [Name] says sarcastically, rolling his eyes.
Simon brings the bong to his lips and shows [Name] how to do everything he just said to do. He pulls it away from his lips, coughing up his lungs.
"Oh shit!"
[Name] begins to pat Simon's back, a concerned look on his face.
"I'm- fuck! I'm good!" He says in between coughs as he passes the glass object off to his boyfriend.
[Name] shakily brings it to his lips and takes a rather large hit. He pulls it away from his lips, breathing the smoke out and holding back his cough.
"Holy shit!"
[Name] couldn't hold it in any fucking more and let out a loud cough and then a wheeze as he pats the spot next to him. Simon lets out a giggle as he brings the bong to his lips, ready to take another hit.
"How long does it take until I feel high? Like, am I high right now?"
Simon places the bong on the floor and smiles at [Name].
"You're so clueless, dude! It takes a little while before you feel it."
"Oh..."
"Want another hit?"
"Fuck it!"
After another hit (it wasn't just one. It was several. Between both boys.) Simon and [Name] stared up at the ceiling high off their assess.
"What are your plans after high school?"
"I'm not sure... but I do want to move out of this town... with all the blood inside my body. I've known too many people who are forever stuck here because of Sarah Fier."
"You don't have to worry about that, babe..." Simon adjusted himself, so his chest was up against [Names] side. "You have me to protect you!" Simon's high ass says.
"I know. It's just so scary in this town. I'm scared anytime I sneak out to see you! Scared that some fucker is going to try to make me a human pin cushion."
"I know, I know I'm scared too. It feels like there's a funeral every day. But I understand. I mean, I started dealing again to raise enough money to get the hell out of this town! And it doesn't help that I have to watch over Timothy. But you don't have to feel afraid you have me, Deena, Sam, and Josh! "
[Name] rolls over to face Simon and plants a kiss on his nose.
"And I appreciate all of you for that, but God, I feel like there's so much pressure put onto me! I mean, for fake's sake, my parents don't want us hanging out! But I don't want to ditch you. I've never felt this way about a boy before! And - and they hold me up to so many expectations!"
"Oh..."
"But you're the only- fuck this is going to sound so corny, but you're the only light in this drab ass nothing town."
A goofy grin spreads across Simon's face, his eyes lower than the boy he held tight.
"Can we move on from all this sad shit!?" Simon asks, placing a kiss on [Name's] cheek.
"Yeah yeah of course... sorry."
"Don't apologize. Everyone needs to get shit off their chest every now and then!"
"Yeah, you're right!" [Name] pauses before asking, "When did you start to catch feelings for me?"
The tape player stops for a second as "Here Comes Your Man" starts up on the tape.
"About two weeks after you first moved here... you caught my little eye when Mr Dickhill introduced you to the class!"
"Why?"
"Well, you looked nervous but still sure of yourself, and you were very... talkative! I mean, you started talking to me on the second day when I had spent all class period thinking of ways to talk to you! And when you bent over that one ti-"
[Name] swatted at his chest, letting out a little laugh, feeling the effect of the drugs kick in. He felt his body relax and his eyelids lower.
"What about me? When did you start to like me?"
"Like by the third week, I thought you were a cute, goofy guy. So I started hanging around Deena and Kate more and asking them questions about you and who you liked... and if you were into boys."
"Really?"
"Yes! And not to mention how you sat there and listened to my shitty project ideas for Mr. Dickhill's class, and you didn't just sit there. You added onto my shitty ideas and stuff."
"Well, I thought they were good," Simon says, letting out a giggle.
"Well, thank you Sigh!"
"You know what else I thought was good?"
"What?"
"How your lips tasted when I first kissed them~"
"How'd they taste?" [Name] replied, a smile spreading from ear to ear on his face.
"I think I forgot..." Simon said, half serious, half-jokingly.
"Let me help you remember..."
[Name] placed his hand on Simon's cheek and planted a kiss on the blonde. He gently pulled back, smiling, the whites of his eyes red.
"That was -" He didn't get to finish as [Name] pulled him in for another kiss, this one more aggressive and needy.
[Name] pushed himself on top of Simon and deepened the kiss by slipping his tongue into his mouth. Simon sat up and adjusted [Name] so he was on his lap and placed his hands on his back. [Name] placed one hand on the back of Simon's head and the other on the bed for support.
Simon's hands paved down [Name's] back and lightly groped his ass, causing him to moan into his mouth. In retaliation (as if he didn't enjoy it), he grabbed a fist full of Simon's hair and tugged at it. Simon pulled back and looked into his eyes, both of them blown, red, and their eyelids low. A rope of saliva connected their lips.
"Jesus~" Simon muttered.
"Sorry! I'm so sorry!"
"It's okay, it's okay!"
Simon reconnected their lips, his hands still on [Names] ass as he brought the kiss from his lips to his jawline. He felt as if his stomach had been pumped with air as he felt his cheeks heat up and a smile grow on his face.
Simon moved down from his jawline to his neck, gently biting, sucking, and licking over the flesh. A whimper pushed past [Names] lips, and his heart rate sped up at the feeling. Simon pulled away and smiled up at him.
"How do you feel?"
"High... and a little horny!" [Name] said with a chuckle.
[Name] rolled off Simon and landed on his back. And staring up at the ceiling, a million thoughts rushed through his brain (all of them were high thoughts such as "Is there another word for, synonym", and "If I'm scared half to death, what happens if I get scared again?"
"[Name]?"
"Hm?"
"If I ever - hopefully not, but if I become a possessed psycho killer, I won't kill you, and if I do, I'd off myself!" Simon said. (The boy had to be high because what the actual fuck?)
"So we'll live on as ghosts and haunt the fuckers of this town?"
"Of course!"
"God, I feel so... calm, hungry, and at ease."
"Yeah babe... you're high."
"This song is so... nice~. Here comes your man, here comes your man, here comes your man." [Name] sang along.
Simon rolled over on his side, wrapped his arm around [Name], pulled him close, and planted kisses over his neck.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Authors note!!
I'm not sure how I feel about this one, but someone requested Simon, and I just had to y'all! Anyway, I promise I'll get through all of these requests, I swear! ♡ Also, happy New Years!!
#Spotify#lgbtq#gay#simon kalivoda x male reader#fear street#simon kalivoda#fred hechinger#male reader#male x male#fear street 1994
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IWTV rewatch
(this show and these books are insane and inspiring - spoilers for both seasons)
Season 1 episode 5 [A Vile Hunger For Your Hammering Heart] - part 1/2
- Previously... Trouble in the Unholy Family.
- Hey, did y'all notice that the intro card, the red sky with the skyline, actually changes? I was rewatching some parts of s2 and noticed that the skyline is different cities, but some buildings disappear from one episode to another.
- *wheezes* What the hell is this opening. Loumand indulging in some exhibitionism for Daniel while Daniel's going through Claudia's exploits. Hilarious. This show is a comedy, I swear. Holy shit, look at Armand's face, he's having the time of his life. And Louis doesn't give a shit, man wants his blood and that's it. Freaks. I love them.
[Daniel] "I'm trying to think of something more fucked up than this." - I don't know, what's going on in front of you maybe? *dies of laughter*
- [Rashid/Armand] "'And how is your work any different? Well, what do you think will happen to Mr du Lac when you publish this book, when the other vampires of the world get their hands on it?' [Daniel] 'As long as they pay full freight.' [Rashid/Armand] 'They will make their way to Dubai. They will scale the sides of this building, force their way inside, and paint the walls with his blood. You are chronicling a suicide. Do not look down on Claudia. Look in the mirror.'"
... Hey, Armand? Pot meets kettle. Don't pretend you care about Claudia. You could stop this any time you want. You're enjoying this, you're enjoying Louis' pain, you're thinking that the book will never see the light of day, that you're in control of the entire narrative, that you can stop this any time you want, that nothing will come out of this enterprise. You're thinking that if, if it comes to this, you'll get to play hero and "save" Louis' life again, and thus tie him even more to yourself. You're assisting that suicide, Armand. You just think that you're in control of the dosage. Look in the mirror.
- [Louis] "Honey and pineapple. He stuffs himself with both for days before he offers himself to me." - Lou baby I love you but you are insane. And also there are things you'd do better to keep in your head, actually. This whole roleplay thing is crazy. I'm imagining Daniel thinking back on these moments after he's turned and just going "what in the seven hells was that".
- [Rashid/Armand] "I care for him more than I care for himself." - oooh, did you guys notice that quick side glance Louis throws at Armand there? That line is Armand being genuine and Louis going "hey dear that's not in the script, what are you saying". Louis is done with both Armand and Daniel, he's being very bitchy and mean.
- What'd that bird do to you, Louis? Leave the poor birdy alone.
Aw, how the tableturns have turned, or however that expression goes. Now you're trying to get her to feed when you made Lestat's life hell refusing to eat yourself...
- Lestat reading and mocking Claudia's diary = Damon Salvatore reading and mocking Stefan and Elena's diaries (my first vampire show was Vampire Diaries, sorry, can't escape your past and all that).
- Oof, Claudia shattering the mirror and Louis being the cautious, angry one for once. Family's in trouble. And then the river of corpses... Oh, trouble, trouble all around.
- Ugh. Tom fucking Anderson is back. When does he die again because he's ugh.
- [Anderson] "Every single one of those corpses had some soft part of it lopped off. Finger here, a foot there... a toe." - yeah, I'm good with blood, but body parts? Claudia's trophies? That is actually stomach turning.
- [Lestat] "One each" - power couuuuuple. Look at them go! Unstoppable when they finally work together, and so in synch. That's what we like to see! Also let's just get rid of Anderson now, thanks.
- Oh, man, Claudia being drunk when the cops are searching the house, half comedy, half horror show. And then the real horror starts as she gathers her trophies. Ah, fuck, I had forgotten about the half dead guy in the closet. She craaaazy.
- [Lestat] "You wanted her, you fix her!" - when one of your parent tells the other "that's your child" when you do or behave in a way they hate. Classic parent stuff.
[Louis] "'We're doing this together.' [Lestat] 'Do you remember our life, how happy we were before her?' [Louis] 'Happy? We were not happy!' [Lestat] 'An anvil, tied around our ankles, pulling us towards the pitch-black ocean floor.'"
Ouch. You ever hear your parents fighting because of you, blaming you for their issues? Yeah... Can't say I blame Claudia for going off the rails.
- [Claudia] "Who am I supposed to love? You two have each other. Who's my Lestat? Who's my Louis? I'm not human. What human would want me? Perverts? Like the uncle at the rooming house who used to watch me pee? Or little boys? And 40 years from now... still little boys? How are you gonna fix it, huh? Which one of you gonna fuck me?!"
Hey, more of Claudia's fucked up backstory. 'You broke it, you fix it', except they can't even begin to understand what's broken, because she's right, they've got each other, even when they fight, that's Louis-and-Lestat, Lestat-and-Louis, they can't even understand why she's so mad and so sad and so angry. Kinda like when allosexual alloromantic people tell you, an aro ace person "but you don't love?" - bitch, I do love, I just don't wanna date anybody, thanks. L&L to Claudia: "but we're a family, we're rich and we're powerful, why are you not happy". Claudia: "bitch, maybe because I'm stuck as a kid for the rest of eternity while my mind and spirit age and I gotta see you two romance each other every fucking night while knowing that nobody will ever want to romance me?".
- [Claudia] "'I'm gonna go out there and find other vampires.' [Lestat] 'If you could find them, which you won't, they would shred you to strips, because you are build like a bird, because you are a mistake.'"
Bedside manners, Lestat. You know the worst thing, Lestat does warn here that she'd be in danger, but he does it in such a mocking, cruel manner that obviously she doesn't believe him and doesn't even take him seriously.
- Louis' dejected scoff when Lestat tells him he's killing Antoinette soon. These madmen are so bad at communicating.
- [Louis] "We made her out of remorse, out of selfishness." - ah, the self-awareness brought by a century of reflecting on your past. But what's that "we", Louis? You wanted her out of remorse, as your penance, your redemption for your sins and mistakes. Lestat made her out of love and pity for you.
- [Daniel] "'Poor dear. She wasn't held enough in between ritualistic murders.' [Louis] 'She spent every night for half a decade with no friends, locked in the emotional storm of puberty.' [Daniel] 'Look, Charlie Manson wrote a couple of beautiful songs. Still, he was Charlie Manson.' [Louis] 'Is that all you think of her?' [Daniel] 'Mostly. I also think she makes you and Frenchy look like a couple of whiny, existential queens. Probably why she's a fucking goldmine. The girl who moves a million books.' [Louis] 'I won't have her exploited.' [Daniel] 'Won't matter what your intentions are. It's the world out there now. She's the - the... single-shooter, Xbox, mouth-breather shit they crave.'"
Daniel's right. Look at us, we fucking love Claudia. She's a psycho, she's murderous, she's cold-blooded... She's our babygirl. She's our bicon. She's the moment. We love her because she's unhinged and feral and unapologetic about her pain and anger.
I love this writing, how it totally recontextualizes the whole story in the 21st century. Book!Claudia is disturbing, little blond angel with blood on her teeth, the eternal child with the wisdom and anger of a grown woman. Show!Claudia is pure attraction and mass adoration, the symbol of teenage angst with all of a lifetime of anger and rebellion. We relate to her, we the generations that have had to grow up so fast while simultaneously stunted, can't find jobs but expected to be way more qualified than our parents, can't buy a house but gotta be way more independent and resourceful and crafty than our elders. The whole world at our fingertips but completely unable to reach it, stuck in an eternal loop of doom and gloom as we watch the world burn without having the slightest power to stop it.
And of course Daddy Lou still wants to protect her from that, even in death, still sees her as his precious little daughter/sister who needs sheltering and safeguarding, even after she tells him she's not that kid anymore.
Well, that was heavy. Doom and gloom indeed. Don't think part 2 will get any better.
episode 1 | episode 2 | episode 3 | episode 4 | part 2 | episode 6 | episode 7
#interview with the vampire#iwtv#iwtv amc#amc iwtv#iwtv rewatch#iwtv s1#episode reaction#a vile hunger for your hammering heart#claudia de lioncourt#lestat de lioncourt#louis de pointe du lac#armand de romanus#daniel molloy#iwtv meta#meta#loustat#loumand#armandaniel#louis and claudia#lestat and claudia#rapha talks#rapha watches shows
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Hey hope you have I nice day, I LOVE you sweetheart series but I was just curious on what farah and valeria thoughts of sweetheart, do they also have a crush on her or do they see as an enemy(valeria), again hope you have a lovely day
Hello! Thank you, I hope you have a wonderful day as well! ❤️💓
And omg they don't hate her at all LMAO
I kinda dislike when girls hate each other over men. Even tho, yes, it can do good for the story and writers can do whatever tf they want, I like when they communicate their emotions on WHY they feel like that, instead of ruining a good friendship they have!
Farah and Sweetheart are actually really good friends! Even though Farah thinks that Sweetheart is weird as SHIT (I mean hell, who doesn't) and questions her thinking process everytime she sees Sweets, but she's a hell of a good fighter and has been there when other people weren't.
Farah values Sweetheart's kindness cause WHEW YK SHE NEEDS IT MY POOR BABY
Sweetheart tells her stories of her whacky adventures she has by herself and with her team constantly when she visits or when she calls like she's CALLING A NEIGHBOR LOL
Farah: Sweetheart? Why are you-- how are you calling me? Hang up, they can trace this!
Sweetheart, laughing: Don't worry, Don't worry! I'm using an old burner phone that isn't even on the market anymore. Now I need to tell you what happened at the base today.
Farah, speed walks to a secluded area: Oh girl shit, tell me what happened
YK THEY GOSSIP TO EACH OTHER ITS JUST A FACT
Sweetheart: AND THEN SHE HAD THE NERVE TO SAY "OH-- I never even finished it" SO IT PUSHED US BACK FOR LIKE A WEEK
Farah: NOOOOOO WHAT A BITCHASS MOVE
Sweetheart: RIGHT???
And omg I see Farah teaching Sweetheart how to cook her home food (have you noticed that I'm a foodie. Have you noticed I really like food) and Sweetheart bringing dishes she made at the base so Farah and her soldiers can try!
Farah, eating her mac and cheese: Sweetheart oh my God this is amazing!
Sweetheart: 🥹
Soldier: Are you taken yet?
Farah: BACK THE FUCK OFF AND EAT YOUR FOOD AND SHUT UP
Sweetheart: 😰
Istg Farah is like a damn cat, protecting Sweets from hands in MARRIAGE LOL
But Farah was quite confused about her team. Why do they all look at her like that? And she's not doing anything about it?? WOAH WATCH YOUR HAND SOAP--
Laswell had to explain it to her.
Farah, shocked: wait... so they ALL LIKE HER!?
Laswell: I would say it's 'love', but basically yeah
Farah, looking at Alex: So... All of them?
(Farah x Alex forever, Sweetheart can go suck a carrot)
(Y E S IM HATING ON MY OWN CREATION SHUT U P)
Farah was so heartbroken when she found out that Alex loved Sweetheart romantically. She honestly found that out herself when she saw Alex had a fond look in his eyes looking at Sweetheart
And Farah kinda-- just accepted it? Like she didn't want to interfere with the two, so it was like an Angelica and Eliza story (ANGST??1?1??11?) So she would just smile and ignore the pit she felt in her heart everytime she saw them together.
But one night Farah couldn't take it anymore and just ignored Sweetheart for like two whole days. Sweetheart ain't about that 😡 nah uh no ma'am
Sweetheart: Farah!
Sweetheart, grabbing Farah's arm: Farah please. What is going on with you?
Farah, not looking at Sweetheart: Nothing.
Sweetheart, not buying it: Farah come on- even a blind man would see that something is wrong. You can talk to me! We're friends--
Farah, breaking Sweets hold: Just... Leave me be, please.
Sweetheart, sad: Did I do something wrong? Please-
Farah: No, you didn't do anything wrong I just--
Sweetheart: Then what's going on--
Farah: I like Alex, okay!?
(It was silent)
(Farah didn't want to look at Sweetheart, but she saw her hands waving frantically. She looks up confused, now seeing Sweetheart smiling ear to ear and fanning her eyes)
Sweetheart, wheezing: You like Alex! Holy hell, I KNEEWWW IT- I knew it I knew it
Sweetheart, hands in her hair: ARGH I OWE LASWELL SO MUCH FUCKIN MONEY SHIT
Farah:
Farah: Pardon?
Sweetheart: GIRL PLEASE I knew you liked Alex a long time ago! I just-- didn't say anything cause I didn't want to pressure you.
Farah, relaxed: Ah... I see. You're not- You're not mad?
Sweetheart: Mad!? Why in the world would I be mad at you liking someone I know?
Farah: Well... I didn't want you to see it as me taking your..."friend." Also, I don't think he likes me back.
Sweetheart, grabbing Farah's cheeks: Farah, have you seen yourself? You're absolutely beautiful! Of course he would like you.
Oh.
Oh my.
Farah felt warm and tingling when Sweetheart said that. With honesty. With her smile. She meant it. "You're beautiful."
"Have you seen yourself? You're beautiful."
Her big, warm hands held Farah's cheeks softly, like too much pressure would break her.
(FARAH GOIN THRU IITTTT) (Farah bi-curious moment? AHAHAHAH)
Sweetheart told Farah that she would help her win Alex, so it's a GIRL POWER type friendship they got goin on and I love it
With Valeria... as I said in another ask, they're like freinemies (did I even spell that right) Sweetheart don't really like her cause she works for the cartel and drugs BUT SHE A BUSINESS WOMAN
Omg when they were interrogating Valeria, Sweetheart was SWEATING-- SHE WAS SCARED FOR HER LIFE (she had some... troubles with the cartel in the past)
But omg she was so nervous
Sweetheart: If you mitch-match blacks, YOU DIE
Alejandro: SWEETHEART
Sweetheart: WHAT!? MIXING BLACKS IS A CRIME IN ITSELF
(Valeria was fucking cackling in there)
Valeria, smirking: I don't think you'll get very far with this if she's with you
Sweetheart: I AM WALKING BACK AND FORTH
Valeria sees Sweets as entertainment, because she knows how nervous and hyper Sweets can get when she's around
Valeria teases the SHIT outta Sweetheart constantly (Val gonna give her a heart attack fr fr)
She questions Sweets actions alot tho
Valeria: ...How did you even get up there?
Sweetheart, holding onto a high pole to get away from Valeria:
Sweetheart: uh- out of fear
GIRL HOW YOU GONNA BE SCARED OF A WOMAN SHORTER THAN YOU COME ON
Valeria thinks it's impressive how she collects men like Pokémon
Valeria: You have my ex wrapped around your manicured finger.
Valeria, smirking: Good on you, pez globo.
Sweetheart:
Sweetheart: h u h
And Valeria popped the question to her
Valeria: Why are you afraid of me?
Sweetheart, getting nervous: I'm... sorry?
Valeria: I have seen you take down men like they're flies. I have seen you use many weapons like they're second nature. Yet you're afraid of me?
Sweetheart: I just--
(She looks away, unconsciously rubbing her right forearm with her hand. Her eyes dim, holding a dark story she obviously doesn't to say.)
Sweetheart: What you do... is dangerous. So obviously I'm-- I'm gonna be afraid of you.
Valeria:
Valeria: I see.
(Did I just give Sweetheart trauma- what the flying fuck why do I do this everytime with characters-- I WAS TRYING MY BEST NOT TO GIVE HER ANY UGH)
#cod x y/n#cod mw2#black fem reader#valeria garza#valeria x reader#valeria cod#modern warfare headcanons#cod incorrect quotes#farah x reader#farah x alex#farah cod#girl friendship#alex x reader#cod imagine#cod alex#cod oc#141 sweetheart#hunter's ask lounge ☕️
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Cross Guild Romance prompt: Following canon with Buggy being terrified of and terrorized by Crocodile and Mihawk. It goes on for months until one day, Buggy is fucking done. Crocodile is threatening him with his hook when Buggy just grabs it and presses it to his own throat and tells Crocodile o just go ahead and end him. Crocodile and Mihawk are stunned, and when Buggy starts to laugh like a complete and utter maniac while his skin grows redder and redder with actual heat waves coming off him, they actually get concerned and set about trying to calm the clown down before he explodes. They drag him into Crocodile's giant sized bathroom kicking and screaming. After they wrestling him out of his clothes and get out of their own, they drag Buggy into the shower, where despite the cold water raining down on them, things get super hot and heavy. Once they basically fuck the rage out of Buggy and he's basically comatose between them in bed, Crocodile and Mihawk find themselves hooked to the clown they once abhorred. It's the adage of "don't scare something so much, it loses all fear entirely". Now Crocodile and Mihawk are fascinated and curious about the blue haired clown that got so mad at them he nearly went nuclear.
Holy stars above and beyond, Buggy losing it after months of being abused. Hell Yeah!!! 😀👍 As the clown should be
Manic laughter does suit Buggy, it's not his normal laugh though. It's a really deranged one and I would put it pass Buggy from trying to beat the shit out of them as they did to him when Crocodile didn't end him like he said he wanted to (It's not that Buggy wanted him to, it's just Buggy is done with what's happening)
The clown is pissed, and it shows. Getting so mad, you see red? Naw, get so mad and you turn red is what Buggy is. Though I don't think the clown would actually go nuclear...
I'm sorry but I laugh at the part where they dragged him to Crocodile's bathroom, because if your feral clown captain is burning up. I would think the doctors would be the best place to go. Nevermind that it's also the thought of Mihawk and Crocodile dragging Buggy to the bathtub. Is Crocodile just hosing Buggy off like a damn animal while Mihawk is holding him down? 🤣😂🤣 I can't stop wheezing at the imaginary of them doing that.
At the end, Buggy sleeping while Crocodile and Mihawk are contemplating on what's happened. I just see Buggy spread out sleeping without a care in the world. While Mihawk and Crocodile are just wide awake, looking at each other at some points.
Buggy is definitely that adage of "Don't scare something so much, it loses all fear entirely" He's like an animal that will fight the best when he's cornered because why not
#one piece#cross guild#cross guild polycule#buggy pirates#buggy the clown#sir crocodie#dracule mihawk#buggy the star clown#buggy the bombastic clown#hawkeye mihawk#mr. 0#buggy the genius jester#buggy x mihawk#buggy x crocodile#buggy the flashy fool#crocodile x buggy x mihawk#crocbug#hawkbug#captain buggy#ideas~4~stories says#ask
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Just some silly things- (mostly tiktoks I've got or conversations I've had-)
Gaz, soap, and ghost being silly drawing Peppa pig on Price's whiteboard in his office
(Based on a conversation I had)
Gaz: we're so artistic..now it can't smile-
Soap: did you just call me autistic??
Gaz: no- I said artistic- *trying not to laugh too loud*
Ghost: ah yes the demon incentive has no mouth-
------
Gaz played genshin impact for the first time...
Gaz: I have no idea what's going on in this quest- Furina, the archon, is being accused of being a fake- but the traveller ,who is as mute as the roach under my bed, is speaking like actually speaking...with his voice- I dont know what's happening anymore-
----
The 141 and laswell reading comments on booktok videos during their break
Gaz: "crawl to me" rhys I love you- but what-
Price: is she stuck or something??
Soap: negative...she's simply obeying her commander-
Ghost: are we really doing this-?
Roach signing: I wanna go home-
Soap: "whatever you read I will do to you when we get home" brother eugh-
Gaz: holy shit- i dont think I want that-
Price: what does this do to benefit us-?
Ghost: expell some of the impending dread and trauma weighing down on us apparently-
Roach signing: causing more of it more like-
Price relenting: "the beast inside my chest snarled again" I'm sorry- but you should get that checked-
Soap choking on his coffee
Gaz hunched over laughing: I can't breatheeeee-
Ghost: what in the eye of the tiger-
Roach signing; do people really like this-?
Laswell reading over John's shoulder; "I own you my little pet" hell nah-
Ghost snickering to himself: no man has more balls than you laswell
Gaz: amen
Soap: so true
Roach nodding along
Laswell: damn straight, boys.
Ghost finally giving in: "You like that don't you" I would like you to never speak to me again-
Soap and gaz wheezing on the ground
Price: thats enough now- Gary looks traumatised-
Laswell: what happened to that wall that was around...
Roach: Haunting Adeline - I think I would snap my own neck...
Everyone in the room staring at roach: ...
Roach smiling innocently
----
Ghost: it's always if if if-
Ghost: if my mom had balls she'd be my dad-
Soap laughing softly out of concern: uh-huh
----
Ghost watching gaz play genshin just to commentate
Npc: can't you see I'm on a break kid, scram.
Ghost: yeah, we all stand in a fucking thunderstorm for our breaks...Jack wagon.
Npc: but my hands..they're not steady
Ghost: because you have fucking hypothermia from standing in a fucking thunderstorm for an hour and a half!
Gaz losing it and hitting his desk whilst crying with laughter
#simon ghost riley#call of duty#john soap mactavish#cod mw2#john price#gaz garrick#kate laswell#incorrect quotes#errors random night posts
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Dancing Around Shadows
Shadow City AU - Chapter Three
A JSE Fanfic
Once again, I did not expect to post another chapter of this so soon, but I've been so busy this week that I haven't been able to even start on the fic I originally had planned. Remember, this AU is not going to be posted regularly, basically just when I'm not able to complete a chapter for one of my other four stories for some reason. Which is so true this week. But it's been a fun sort of busy ^-^
In this chapter, Marvin is running his shop when JJ stops by again, and he decides to try something to get to know him better. Ever heard of reading the cards? At about the same time, Schneep is visited by Jackie, who wants him to come confirm something. It seems like both these encounters are centered around a certain someone... Hmm... Have fun reading :D
First Chapter | Second Chapter
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“Oh hey, you’re back.” Marvin looked up from his book as the door to his shop opened. It was that vampire from last night, Jameson. Or JJ, Marvin supposed. If he was going to be a regular customer, which he might, he should give him a nickname.
Jameson looked over at Marvin and nodded. I hope you don’t mind that I’ll probably be looking around and not buying anything, he said.
“Just don’t be too noisy and it’ll be no problem,” Marvin said.
JJ chuckled—or, at least, Marvin assumed that’s what that wheezing sound was. He started browsing the shelves, looking at all the little items. Marvin watched him for a moment, then returned to what he was doing. He was leaning back in the chair of one of the tables, reading. The book was propped up and he scanned it casually. On his lap was, unsurprisingly, a cat. This one was his tortoiseshell called Sam. She was very soft and fun to pet, but honestly Marvin had been sitting here a while and his butt was starting to hurt. But he wasn’t about to disturb her.
A while passed. Marvin continued to read, occasionally getting distracted by Sam shifting her weight on his lap. He put the book down for a moment to stretch his arms—and jumped back in surprise because Jameson was suddenly right in front of him. “Holy shit!” he shouted, and that combined with his startle caused Sam to wake up and jump off his lap.
Sorry! JJ signed, jerking backwards. He looked down at Sam as she ran off. I didn’t mean to scare you or your cat.
“No, no, it’s fine, it’s just... fucking hell.” Marvin shook his head. “I didn’t hear you at all.”
Sorry, Jameson said again. I just wanted to ask you if I could read some of these books without buying them. I promise I won’t take any.
“Nah, I’m not worried about that.” Marvin waved off his concern. “You can read all you want. But like I said, I’m not sure how much use they’ll be to a vampire. They’re mostly spell books and shit.”
They’re not ALL spell books, Jameson pointed out. You have a lot of history books.
“Not as many as the library, but I do make do.” Marvin shrugged. “Honestly? The history books aren’t my favorite.” He picked up his own book again. In his surprise, he’d lost his place, so he searched through the pages to find where he was.
Jameson glanced down at the cover of said book. He raised an eyebrow. That’s an... interesting book.
“Hmm?” Marvin looked at the cover as well—and laughed. The front cover of the book featured a woman in inaccurate Victorian fashion swooning in the arms of a buff, shirtless man. “What? Have something against romance?”
No, that’s not it, I just... you didn’t seem the type to... read something like that, Jameson signed slowly. But I suppose I don’t know you that well...
“No, you’re right, I’m not exactly the target demographic, am I?” Marvin found the spot where he’d left off and picked up a bookmark from the table, sliding it in. “But I don’t read these books cause I’m, like, genuinely interested in it. I’m not really a romantic person, you’re right. Some of them are good, but most are kinda mid. I like to, uh... study them, I guess you could say. Sort of like ‘oh, so this is what people are into,’ you know? It’s fascinating. And when I find one of these books that features vamps or wolves, I like to share it with some friends of mine.” He grinned. “The way they cringe is hilarious.”
I see. Jameson nodded. I’m guessing you don’t sell those here.
“Maybe I could... People would definitely buy them.” Marvin tilted his head to the side. “Nah, it doesn’t really fit with the rest of all this.” He gestured at the shop.
Jameson looked around and nodded. Yes, everything here is magical, isn’t it? Supplies and such. Are there really enough witches in this city to run a business like this? Do you get many sales?
“Uh... I mean, I guess not? Enough to pay my bills and buy the occasional fun stuff. Oh, and the cat stuff, too.” Sam was approaching him again, and Marvin leaned down to give her pets before she walked right past him. “The supplies are the bestsellers, followed by my spell commissions and card readings.”
Jameson nodded. You... mentioned spells and card readings last night. So... if I wanted you to cast a spell, I could pay you to do so?
Marvin grinned. “Yep. I’m the strongest witch in the city, my spells are in high demand.”
JJ raised an eyebrow. Really?
“Of course!” Marvin chuckled. “Not only do vamps, wolves, and knowing everydays come here for my spells, but so do less powerful witches.”
If you’re so powerful, why are you running a little magic shop instead of doing something more... JJ paused. He gestured vaguely. Just “more,” I suppose.
“Like, what? Being a witch representative on the Night Council?” Marvin made a face. “Cause I don’t want to.”
JJ laughed another one of his silent, wheezing laughs.
“I’m serious. Too much responsibility, you know? And I bet I don’t get to do fun stuff like card readings if I was doing that.”
Alright, alright, it’s your life. And running a shop is surely difficult enough.
“Yep.” Marvin nodded. “What about you? You just moved here, right? Are you planning on blending in with the everdays or are you going to keep lurking in the shadows?”
Jameson hesitated. Some sort of emotion flashed across his face, too quick for Marvin to identify. I’m not sure... we might leave again, but it’s hard to tell when. So... not blending in. I hope I can get to know some of the shadowed community here, though.
“There are plenty of hidden places, you know,” Marvin said. “If you need money and want to meet people, you could work at one of them. I hear the library is always looking for help.”
Jameson didn’t say anything for a while. That emotion from before returned, lingering a little. Was it... sadness? Marvin hesitated, unsure what to say in response to that... and then Jameson changed the subject. You mentioned card readings, as well? You mean like tarot?
“Oh!” Marvin blinked. “Y-yeah, tarot. I, uh... I like to do readings for people. You, uh... do you know about the arcanas? It’s hard to tell with you vamps, I I don’t know how long you’ve been around or what you learned in that time.”
I never paid too much attention to tarot, I’ll admit, Jameson said. What sort of readings do you do?
Marvin smiled. It wavered at first; he wasn’t sure if he should address the sadness he saw on Jameson’s face. But then it steadied out. It was probably fine. Or at the very least, it wasn’t something he should get into with a guy he’s only had two conversations with. At least he got to talk about cards now. “All sorts! Fortune readings, life readings, love readings, personality assessments—a couple times I’ve done searches for people but if you want one of those I have to put a truth spell on you, to make sure that you’re not looking for something for nefarious reasons.”
Jameson nodded along. What’s a personality assessment?
Marvin’s eyes lit up. “Would you like to find out? I can give you one right now if you want!”
Jameson blinked, surprised at Marvin’s sudden enthusiasm. I don’t know... how much would it cost?
“I’ll give you one for free!” Marvin said excitedly. “That way you can see a card reading firsthand. And then mayyyybe you’ll want to pay for another one?”
How devious, Jameson said, smiling slightly. Alright, I’ll try one out. I’m curious, and I don’t have anything else to do tonight.
“Great!” Marvin stood up and hurried over to the counter at the back. He scooped up his mask and two decks of cards. Turning around, he held up the decks for Jameson to see. One had green backs with elaborate golden lines forming patterns. The other had blue backs with silver lines that made a central circular design, like an eye, with angular, crystalline patterns around the edges. “Traditional cards or crystaleye arcana?”
Jameson blinked. I didn’t know you could do card readings with regular cards. And I’ve never heard of... “crystal eye.”
“Oh, let’s show you a crystaleye reading, then!” Marvin said excitedly. “This arcana isn’t as popular as the traditional French tarot, or even the lesser-known Thoth arcana, but I think you can get some interesting readings from it! And yes, you can do readings with regular cards. They’re best for simple questions.”
I see, Jameson said. Well, I’ll trust your judgment, then.
“Ah yes, judgment, like the popular Judgment card—” Marvin broke off, laughing. “I’m sorry, I see card names everywhere.” He returned to the table, sitting down. He pulled his mask down—he didn’t need it for the reading, but he did think it made him look mysterious and cool—and shuffled the crystaleye deck. Then he spread them out on the table between him and Jameson.
How does this work? Jameson asked.
“You’re going to choose five cards, one at a time,” Marvin explained. “For this first one, while you’re picking out the card, think about how other people see you, especially your friends and family. Choose one that you feel drawn to.”
JJ’s brow furrowed. He reached out, hands hovering over the line of cards, moving back and forth before he pulled out one at the end, flipping it over. The card had an illustration of a young man in an elaborate patterned shirt, with a bag on a stick slung over his shoulder. It was facing Jameson, not Marvin—meaning it was reversed in the tarot arcana. I know this one, he said. It’s a fool, right?
“The Fool, yes.” Marvin nodded. “It usually stands for new beginnings, and when representing a person, it means someone who’s a free spirit. But when it’s reversed like this, it means someone who’s too naive, who’s easy to take advantage of. So... the people who know you might not, uh, have the... highest opinion of you.” He tried to be gentle about it. “Not necessarily in a malicious way. They might just underestimate you.”
Jameson smiled a wan smile. I see... that does make sense.
“I’d uh... probably think a lot about your relationships,” Marvin said.
That same flicker of sadness appeared on Jameson’s face. What’s next, then? he asked, moving on.
Marvin cleared his throat. “For this next one, think of what you do.”
What I do? JJ repeated.
“You know, hobbies and your job and stuff,” Marvin explained. “Well, I guess you don’t have a job right now, but you know what I mean. Think about this as you choose the second card.”
Jameson nodded. He pushed the reversed Fool to the side and reached for the cards. After a moment, he pulled out one from the center, flipping it over to show an illustration of a thick forest, with a hooded human figure walking through the trees.
“Oh, the Wanderer,” Marvin said. “This card means aimlessness, or being lost.” He paused. “You... probably don’t have much going on, then? Or maybe you’re unsure what to do?”
A second passed. Jameson nodded slowly. I suppose I’m not... actively practicing any hobbies.
“Well that sucks,” Marvin said bluntly. “Especially for a vampire. You guys live for like, forever. You have to have hobbies to keep from going crazy.”
Jameson chuckled silently.
“No, for real. Was there anything you used to do that you stopped doing? Maybe you should pick it up again, see how you feel about it now. Or, uh, try something new! Doesn’t have to be completely new, it could be similar to something you already know. Like, uh, if you know how to knit, maybe learn how to crochet.”
Do I look like the type of person who knows how to knit? JJ asked. He wasn’t offended by Marvin’s statement. More amused than anything.
“It’s just an example,” Marvin said.
I know, I know. Jameson smiled. Thank you. I’ll think about things. Shall we move on?
“Sure. For the third card...” Marvin paused. He was always unsure how to explain this one. Or, to be more specific, he was never sure if other people would understand what he meant. “When choosing it, think about your... power. Your capabilities. What you are able to do. You know?”
Luckily, Jameson seemed to understand right away. He looked at the cards, then pulled one out. This one had an image of a clock face, surrounded by stars, with a purple and blue background swirling around it as if drawn to the clock. It also came out reversed.
“Oh, Time!” Marvin said, surprised.
JJ blinked. Is that an unusual card to draw?
“Well, when I’ve done personality assessments for vampires before, they usually get Silence or the Faceless, occasionally one of the disaster-based cards like Wildfire,” Marvin explained. “Time is one of the later cards in the journey. When upright in this sort of reading, it would mean someone who’s very capable, always able to move forward regardless of obstacles. But yours came out reversed... Hmm...” He bit his lip, thinking. “Maybe... you’re not able to reach your full potential right now. Something is stopping you. Do you feel... trapped, in some aspect of your life?”
Jameson tensed slightly. So... a personality assessment is meant to make you think about yourself and your life, then?
“Basically, yeah,” Marvin said, noticing that Jameson didn’t answer. Well, maybe he wasn’t comfortable. He shouldn’t pry. “Are you ready to move on?”
Yes please, Jameson said.
“Alright. Second to last one,” Marvin said. “Think about your past. Who you used to be, how different you are now, and how it's all shaped you.” This would be very interesting to see. It always was, with people who’d lived a long time.
JJ tilted his head to the side. He spent a while trying to find one this time, hand moving back and forth, occasionally reaching for one before drawing back. Finally, he picked out a card, flipping it over to reveal another reversed card. This one was an illustration of a man and a woman, standing underneath a tree.
“The Lovers,” Marvin said. “The reversed Lovers. I see. The upright Lovers represents duality and trust, so naturally the reversed version means the opposite. Oh, did I explain that? That if it’s upside down it means the opposite of what it usually does?”
JJ smiled. You didn’t, but I figured it out from context. Though the smile was meant to convey lightheartedness, it soon faded to a more serious expression. Let me guess. It means distrust, doesn’t it?
“Yep,” Marvin confirmed. “Imbalance, disharmony, one-sidedness... Your past has been defined by conflicted relationships. Or... maybe just one conflicted relationship? You would know better than me.”
Again, a flash of emotion. Not sadness this time. It actually looked like Jameson was annoyed at something.
An idea came to Marvin, and before he could stop himself, he blurted out, “Your roommate, maybe?”
Jameson jumped in surprise. Then his shoulders slumped. I told you about him yesterday, didn’t I?
“Mentioned it vaguely... sorry, I didn’t mean to bring it up, I just—” Marvin cleared his throat. “Anyway. Now for the finale.” He flashed a grin. “Think of the opposite of yourself. The type of person you would never want to be. The worst parts of yourself embodied.”
JJ nodded. He reached for a card right away, clearly not thinking too much about it. When he flipped it over, the illustration was that of a person. Though the background was dark, they were a pure black silhouette that stood out even against the shadows, edged in violet magic with glowing acid green eyes.
“The Void!” Marvin said cheerfully.
You sound too happy for such an ominous card, JJ said, grinning.
“Well, for a reason. The Void, sometimes called the Monster, represents... well, a bunch of bad stuff. Pain, aggression, some say ‘evil’ but I think that simplifies it too much.” Marvin began pushing the other cards, the ones that Jameson didn’t choose, back into a deck. “Basically, if this is who you don’t want to be, then you’re probably a really good person. You don’t want to hurt people. Which is good to know! But, uh, probably makes being a vampire a bit difficult.”
Jameson sighed. Well... yes, I knew this. But I’ve gotten... used to it.
“Hmm. You’ve been in town for a week, right?” Marvin looked at him. “Do you... know where the blood banks are?”
Jameson shook his head slowly.
“Where have you been eating, then?” Marvin asked gently.
My roommate... brought something home once, Jameson said slowly.
“Do you want to talk about that?” Marvin asked.
You probably wouldn’t want to hear about it, Jameson said. It wasn’t pleasant. His eyes widened. But don’t worry, nobody died! he added hurriedly.
“I didn’t think they did,” Marvin reassured him. “Just... be careful, okay? The Scuabyrg Night Council is a bit stricter on harming everydays than other Councils. Tell your roommate that, too. Though I don’t know if they’ll listen if they’re the sort to... Just, be careful.” He glanced around. “I have maps of the city in here, maps with all the hidden places marked. I know the blood banks are on there. How about I get you one of those?”
JJ nodded. That would be appreciated.
“Great.” Marvin grabbed the five cards Jameson had drawn, putting them back into the deck. Then he stood up, walked around the back counter again, put his cards back, then pulled a folded sheet of paper from a folder hanging on the wall. “It looks like an ordinary street map most of the time. To activate the hidden marks, write the word ‘reveal’ on the paper. You can do it with a pen if you want, the ink will disappear, but just tracing it with your finger would be fine, too. Write ‘hide’ to deactivate the marks again.”
As he talked, Jameson got up and walked over to the counter as well. He reached into his pocket and took out... a wallet. That’s definitely a wallet. He set it down on the counter and signed, How much?
“Oh no, free of charge,” Marvin said.
JJ shook his head. At least let me tip you or something. You already gave me a free card reading.
Marvin hesitated. Then nodded. “Well... give me what you can afford. And no more than that.”
JJ smiled, a hint of his teeth peeking out from between his lips. He opened up the wallet, rummaged around, and took out some coins, setting them down on the counter. Marvin picked them up. Six one-pound coins. I’m sorry, I don’t have any notes, Jameson said.
“It’s fine,” Marvin reassured him. “You don’t have to pay anything, like I said.” Honestly, he usually charged five pounds for the maps, anyway, so JJ was already giving him extra.
I know, but... you’ve been kind, and I appreciate that, Jameson said slowly.
“Just trying to do... what I do.” Marvin laughed awkwardly. “Here.” He handed Jameson the map.
JJ put his wallet away and accepted the map. I’ll be going now. But I might be back tomorrow night, or the night after.
“I’ll see you then, then!” Marvin said, smiling.
Jameson nodded. Then he turned around and headed out, weaving around the tables to keep a distance from the cats. He clearly didn’t want to scare them.
Marvin opened up the till and put the coins away. While he did that, Sam hopped up onto the counter, followed shortly by Higgins. He reached out and petted them both, one at a time. “What d’you two think of him?” he asked.
The cats purred in unison. Sam’s purring was slightly scratchier than Higgins’.
“Well, if you guys like him, I like him,” Marvin said. He looked out the shop’s front windows. “Wonder what’s up with him. I think he’s had a... complicated life. But, uh, then again, a lot of vampires have. Since they live for a while. But you know what I mean. More complicated than usual.” He sighed. “What d’you think I should do about that?”
Sam yawned and sat down, loafing. Higgins stretched.
“Yeah... I should, shouldn’t I?” Marvin muttered. “If only to hear more about that roommate of his. He sounds like an asshole. Someone to keep an eye on.” He paused. “Besides... he said he’ll be back, anyway. He seems nice. But... sad. I wonder... wonder if there’s anything I could do...” He trailed off, expression becoming thoughtful. Then, after a moment, he shook his head. “Well. Back to it, I guess.”
He walked back over to the table and sat down, picking up his book once again.
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St. Damian’s Hospital was well-known for its in-house medical lab, where you could get tests done without having to send them off to a specialized place. And of all the tests the lab ran, most of them involved blood. Checking for blood diseases, various deficiencies, illnesses, just about everything a blood sample could go through could be done at St. Damian’s.
So was it really that surprising that vampires worked there?
Okay, there weren’t many vampires. There were ten, exactly, working in different positions at the hospital. There were also twelve witches whose magic was focused on healing or the human body, four werewolves, and dozens of ghosts (surprisingly, none of them were patients in life, but instead people who’d worked there and developed a strong emotional attachment to their jobs.) After all, the shadow world needed medical professionals, too.
Of the ten vampires who worked at St. Damian’s, Schneep was the only one with a particular special ability. Not because it was any special vampiric power he had. No, this was a skill he’d developed over the past fifteen years. It made him very valuable to the hospital... but it was difficult to explain it away a lot of the time.
“Dr. Schneeplestein?” A voice called through the door, knocking on its surface. “Are you in there?”
“Ah—just a moment!” Schneep glanced towards the locked door, then turned his attention back to the samples before him. He twisted off the lid of one and—again glancing towards the door—raised it to his mouth, sipping the blood inside. He paused for a moment, considering the bloodtaste. His nose wrinkled a bit. Definitely some sort of anemia. Low amounts of B12. He made a note of that on the computer and put the sample back.
Knock knock knock. “Dr. Schneeplestein?” The voice repeated. “Uh... you can’t lock the lab door while the hospital is open.”
“I know, I know!” Schneep said, picking up another sample. This person must be new, if they aren’t familiar with his habits. But still, he was running out of time. He opened another sample and took a sip—and instantly spat it back into the sample tube. Well... that was contaminated now. More than the samples usually were once he “tested” them. But he couldn’t help it; he really hated the bloodtaste of clotting blood. He quickly made a note of that on the computer, adding that the patient should start taking anticoagulants. Soon.
Knock knock knock knock knock. “Dr. Schneeplestein! Really!” This was a second voice, a familiar one. Miranda, one of the phlebologists. “You can’t keep doing this!”
“I need concentration!” Schneep snapped. He picked up the last sample and sipped it. Hmm... this wasn’t too unusual. He took a second sip, just in case. No, nothing strange in the bloodtaste here. It was possible he was missing something, but he hadn’t missed something in a long time. He set it aside for more testing later, making a note to have Lemoine do it—one of the other vampires in the hospital, one who knew how to compensate for the contamination of Schneep’s tests.
“We’re coming in!” Miranda shouted. “I have the keys!”
“Alright, alright!” Schneep got out of the swivel stool and hurried over to the lab door, opening it up. Miranda had a ring of keys in her hands, ready to unlock the door. Next to her was a hospital staff member Schneep didn’t recognize—one who looked human, like Miranda was, but for all Schneep knew this new staff member could be another witch. Probably not, though. The others would’ve mentioned that. “You may have the lab.”
“Oh, may we?” Miranda raised an eyebrow. “May we use this public space?”
“It is not public.”
“You know what I mean.” Miranda put her keys away. “We didn’t actually want to use the lab. We were looking for you.” She jerked her head towards the other staff member. “Or, Cody was looking for you.”
“I see.” Schneep took a good look at the other man—Cody, apparently. He was wearing scrubs and a nametag, which meant he was a nurse. “Are you new here?”
“Y-yes,” Cody said, nodding. “Are—are you?”
Schneep raised an eyebrow. “I have worked here for nine years.”
“Oh right! Of—of course! I, uh—” Cody shook his head. “Wait no! Th-this is important! There’s someone who’s, uh, asking for you?”
“Really?” Schneep straightened to attention. “I don’t have any appointment scheduled, do I?”
“N-no, it’s, uh—It’s not a patient, I think, it’s... a visitor? He said to come soon?”
“A visitor? Who?” Schneep asked.
“I... didn’t get a name,” Cody admitted.
“Hmm... wait.” Schneep narrowed his eyes. “Is it a man with brown hair and blue eyes?”
“Yes.” Cody nodded.
“Short or long?”
“Uh—short?”
“Wearing a red hoodie?”
“Yeah.”
Schneep sighed. “I know him. That is my friend Jackie. If he is here, it is probably not too urgent. But I will go, anyway. Where is he?”
“Here, uh, I can take you to him,” Cody said. He glanced at Miranda. “Uh, thanks again.”
“No problem.” Miranda nodded. She must have had to help Cody find him.
“Lead the way, then,” Schneep said, gesturing for Cody to start walking.
A few minutes, a couple hallways, and one elevator ride later, they arrived in one of the overnight wards for patients to stay at. Schneep frowned, confused why Jackie would be here if he wasn’t a patient. Visiting someone, maybe? But who— “There you are!” Jackie was waiting by the nurse’s station on this floor. The moment he saw Schneep he ran on over, skidding to a halt inches from him. “That took forever! What the hell?!”
Schneep noticed Cody turning red with embarrassment, and he quickly said, “You sent for me while I was in the middle of running some tests, Jackie. Did you not consider that?”
“Ah, sorry. But this is important!” Jackie insisted.
“Why is it so important?” Schneep asked.
“Here, c’mon! I’ll show you!” Jackie grabbed Schneep by the wrist and immediately began pulling him down the hall. Schneep yelped, but didn’t pull away, only hurried to keep pace with him.
Jackie took him to a room at the end of the hallway, opening the door and dragging him inside. “I found him! See, I told you he’d be here!”
Schneep looked around the room. This was only built for one patient—as most of the rooms in this ward were—with a single bed, a tiny bathroom, a wall-mounted TV, and a wide window showing the night sky outside. It was a small room, but it was absolutely crowded. Schneep glanced around, counting six people standing around and two sitting in the chairs that came with the room. He recognized most of them, though he didn’t know their names off the top of his head. “Ah... hello, Heartwoods pack,” he said.
The others all responded with a chorus of hellos.
“Everyone, this is Henrik,” Jackie said. “I dunno if all of you have met him. Schneep, this is Lily, Nao, Kelly, Cass, Russell, Paul, and Ishani. And, of course, Leo.” He pointed at the bed, where a man with dark hair and green-gray eyes was sitting. His arms were covered in bandages, and there was some padding under his hospital gown where there were, no doubt, more bandages. Leo raised his hand and waved.
“Pleasure to see you all again,” Schneep said. “And to get a reminder on your names—thank you Jackie. Now, ah... why am I here?”
Lily raised an eyebrow. “Jackie, you didn’t tell him on the way here?”
“Well it was too important!” Jackie insisted.
Schneep sighed. Then he looked at the last person in the room, the only one who had not been introduced. “And, ah... who are you? Are you the ‘new guy’ they have all been talking about?”
“Not exactly.” The man sitting in the armchair shook his head. “My name is Arthur Griffith, I’m a night guardian.”
“Oh!” Schneep started.
“A pleasure to meet you.” Arthur stood up, holding out his hand for a shake. He was tall and thin, all a solid straight line. His brown hair was combed back, revealing white streaks near the temples, and his face was framed with a pointed beard. His eyes were an unnatural silver color—a sign of magic.
“Ah, yes, the same.” Schneep shook his hand. “How can I help you?”
“Well.” Arthur nodded at Leo. “If you would mind telling the story again, Mr. Barclay.”
“Uh... alright.” Leo looked over at Schneep. “So... you’re that vampire that Jackie’s always going on about?”
“W-wait a moment!” Schneep turned around and grabbed the door, pulling it closed. “Be careful.”
“Oh shit! Sorry.” Leo had the grace to look a bit guilty. “Didn’t think.”
“Not a problem,” Schneep said. “Anyway, yes, I am that vampire that Jackie’s always going on about.” He looked over at Jackie as he said this. “Hopefully he has said good things.”
“All good things!” Jackie said. “Or funny things!”
“What ‘funny things’?”
“Like that time you drank five currant heart cocktails and started chewing on that candle—”
“Heyheyheyheyhey!” Schneep covered Jackie’s mouth. “I thought we agreed to keep that between us!”
Jackie pushed his arm away. “Oh come on, like Marvin hasn’t told some of his regulars by this point.”
“I bet he hasn’t!”
Arthur cleared his throat. “Can we get back to the story?”
“Sorry!” Jackie said. “Go on, Leo.”
Leo nodded. “Well, uh... I had work yesterday. I wanted to leave early so I could come join the others for Bryson’s first day transformation—that’s, uh, the newest member of our pack, he’s great. But anyway, I couldn’t leave early. My boss insisted that I stay back to do inventory, like, right then. So by the time I could finally leave, the sun had set. I knew that the others would be coming back soon so I headed back to the apartment. But... when I was almost there, I was...” He swallowed a lump in his throat. “Attacked.”
Some of the wolves growled protectively, Jackie included.
“Oh... I-I see,” Schneep said, eyes flicking over the bandages. “I am so sorry. Who... o-or what... was it?”
“A wolf,” Leo said. “A black wolf. Not a werewolf, it was too small. But it was too smart to be an escaped zoo animal or something. And... surprisingly vicious, too. As you can see.” He reached over and pulled back one of the bandages—or at least started to, before Nao reached over and stopped him. “I was able to fight them off long enough to get away and start heading back to the flats.”
“I am glad to hear that,” Schneep said. “But... I must ask, why am I here?”
Jackie looked at Leo. “What did the guy smell like, again? What was the scent?”
“Well... something chemically,” Leo said slowly. “Reminded me of death.”
“Formaldehyde, right?” Jackie insisted.
“I... guess? I’ve never smelled formaldehyde.”
“Jackie, why are you so hung up on the scent of the attacker?” one of the wolves, Ishani, asked.
“Because!” Jackie looked over at Schneep. “When you got jumped by that guy, the one who stole your wallet and you bit him? I got a whiff of his scent, and it was formaldehyde. If it was the same guy, then we can identify him!”
“Ah, I see.” Arthur nodded. “It also means that there might be a connection between the acts.”
“Or, at the very least, there’s a guy out there attacking people randomly!” Jackie said.
“Uh... the wolf didn’t take anything from me,” Leo pointed out. “But then again, I was also a wolf at the time, so, uh. Yeah.”
“Dr.... Schneepsein, was it?” Arthur said. “Please tell me what you remember about being attacked that night.”
“Ah... well, first, it is Dr. Schneeplestein,” Schneep corrected. “But yes, I would tell you everything... but I am not sure it will be much of use. I didn’t get a good look at the guy, and anything notable was already recorded in my report of the mugging to the Night Council.”
“Go over it again, please, Dr. Schneeplestein,” Arthur said. “Mr. Sheach was there, too, wasn’t he? He can add details as well.”
Jackie nodded. “C’mon, Schneep! If it’s the same guy, we can’t have them randomly attacking people.”
Schneep sighed. “Alright. I will tell you what I remember.”
There wasn’t much to tell, though. He and Jackie were walking home when someone suddenly swooped down from a lamp post and attacked Schneep. Jackie shifted and tried to stop them, Schneep bit them, and then they disappeared, taking Schneep’s wallet with him—which he was still upset about. His hospital ID was in there. He had to have someone open the hospital staff doors for him until his new one was ready. Which was really, really annoying.
“You’re sure it was another vampire?” Arthur asked, looking at Schneep intensely.
“As sure as I can be,” Schneep confirmed. “When I bit him, I tasted the blood. It was... Well, vampire blood is very... flat. Like, ah, soda when all the carbonation goes away. This blood was also flat in that same way, though there was an odd note to it.”
“Hmm... a note of what?” Arthur asked.
“It was like... like old,” Schneep said. “Like... fruit that was left out of the fridge for a couple days but hasn’t rotted. I think.” Vampires couldn’t eat solid food, so his memories of how certain foods tasted had grown a bit fuzzy over the past fifteen years. “Strangely heavy, too. A bit thicker than usual. But that could have just been because of blood the vampire recently drank. The old, flat taste was definitely his own bloodtaste.”
Arthur nodded. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a spiral notebook. He opened it up to a blank page, tapped the center three times with his pointer finger, and silver lines spread out from the point of contact. Jackie leaned over... and saw a transcription of the conversation writing itself down. “You could’ve recorded it on your phone or something, you know,” he said.
“This is not just for me,” Arthur said. “A copy of this is appearing in the Archives at city hall right now.”
“...could’ve just... emailed an mp3 file or something...” Jackie muttered.
“We will definitely look into both these cases,” Arthur said. “Thank you very much, Mr. Barclay, Dr. Schneeplestein. Best wishes on your recovery, Mr. Barclay. If either of you remember anything, I trust you know where to go? The rest of you as well?”
Everyone nodded in comedic unison. Jackie and a few other wolves couldn’t help but laugh.
“Perhaps I’ll be seeing you around,” Arthur said. He bowed his head, then left the hospital room.
After a moment, Jackie turned to Schneep. “Thanks for coming down and sharing all that while you’re on the clock.”
“Oh, is not a problem, Jackie,” Schneep said. “I did not have much scheduled for today, anyway. I hope it helped.”
“Still. You said you were doing tests. Must’ve been... inconvenient.”
Schneep grinned. His fangs flashed in the artificial fluorescent light. “You know it does not take me nearly as long as the machines.” His smile fell. “Ah, though I need to dispose of the used samples quickly.”
“Go on back, dude,” Jackie said, patting his back. “I’ll see you later? Oh! Did Jack tell you about the thing with that ghost—”
“Yes, he did. I let him know which nights I’m free on. Or maybe he could wake me up early if it’s cloudy enough.” He hoped he didn’t, though. Even an overcast day was uncomfortable, especially considering he’d have to walk for at least part of the way.
“Nah, Jack wouldn’t do that,” Jackie said. “I’ll see you then for sure, maybe before that. Text you and stuff.”
“See you later, Jackie,” Schneep said. “Goodbye, Heartwoods pack.”
The other wolves said a variety of goodbyes, and Schneep turned and left the room.
Could it be true? Was there really someone out there attacking people? A vampire who could turn into a wolf... they were not unheard of, though the vampiric power to shapeshift was pretty rare. What could this stranger want? He stole Schneep’s wallet, so maybe just money? But then he attacked a wolf... maybe he was just attacking random people. But if he was willing to attack other creatures of the night, he was definitely willing to attack the everydays. And if the everydays started noticing strange attacks... how long before they started noticing other strange things?
Schneep shivered. It would be fine. These might just be isolated incidents. The Night Council and the guardians would probably take care of this soon. There was nothing to worry about. He should focus on his work. There were more samples he had to test.
Slowly, he made his way back to the lab, where he buried himself in samples and tests for the rest of the night until his shift was over.
#jacksepticeye#jacksepticeye fanfiction#jacksepticegos#septic egos#septic egos au#jacksepticeye au#marvin the magnificent#jameson jackson#dr schneeplestein#jackieboy man#brigid writes fanfiction#shadowcityau
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PROMPT:
leia my love i DARE you
I LEGIT LAUGHED SO HARD MARIA BAHAHA here you go love <3 ;)
word count: 611
warnings: swearing, innuendo, artistic depiction of 🍆
let's add this to the @throneofglassmicrofics March challenge! using the prompts "Accident" and "Chaos" hehe enjoyyyy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Snatching a few seconds to gasp in a breath as the madness of the morning rush died down, Aelin wiped her hands on her apron and brushed loose strands of hair away from her face. She washed her hands quickly and returned to the coffee bar just as Lysandra stuck her head into the back room and hollered for her.
"Calm down, Lyssie!" Aelin yelled back, laughing. "I'm right here."
"Someone asked for you," Lys singsonged, wiggling her brows aggressively.
Aelin rolled her eyes. "You'd think we were fifteen, not twenty-three."
"We're so mature." Lys smirked and bumped her hip into Aelin's. "Now go take your man's order."
Aelin strolled up to the counter, grinning as she met Rowan's bright, amused gaze. "Hey. What can I get you?"
"Well, since you aren't on the menu, I'll take a cappuccino." The slow wink he gave her did bad, bad things to her heartbeat.
She lowered her lashes and peeked up, tucking her bottom lip between her teeth the way she knew drove her boyfriend wild. "I'm all up for grabs at four, you know."
"Oh, I know." He smirked as he pulled his credit card from his wallet. She tapped in his order, and he paid and sauntered down to wait by the pick-up window.
"You should put special art on his cappuccino," Lys said as she finished up the iced lattes she was working on.
"Like a heart? Bitch, please."
"Oh no." Lys's smirk turned positively wicked. "A dick."
"Lysandra Ennar!" Aelin yelped, swatting the brunette with a towel. "What the hell?!"
"Bitch, you know you want to." Lys's eyebrow wiggle returned, even more aggressive than earlier. "You could even draw it to scale."
Aelin laughed so hard she had to brace her hands on the countertop to keep herself upright. "Holy shit, Lys!" She wheezed as she caught her breath. "Alright. Watch this." She sped through the motions of pulling the espresso shot and steaming up some milk, and then she carefully cradled the ceramic cup in her left hand and began pouring the steamed milk with her right.
When the foam rose to the top, she carefully turned the mug, made a sort of sideways heart shape, and dragged the point of the heart downwards. Then she rotated the mug, and, starting from the point of the upside-down heart, poured a careful pattern of foam in a precise, nearly straight line with a slight wobble. She finished off the crown with a little blob, artfully smearing it so it looked like, well...
"Someone's happy to see you," Lys snickered.
Aelin cackled as she set down the cappuccino. "Ro, love, here's your drink." She spun the cup so that the thick, long dick painted in white foam stood erect.
"Thanks, Ae--what the fuck?!" Rowan spluttered, gaping at the drink. His tan face flushed an endearingly bright shade of crimson, his eyes darting rapidly between the dick-uccino and Aelin's bright, wicked grin.
"Not quite large enough for you, love?"
"Aelin," he groaned, dropping his head into his hands and scrubbing at his blushing face. "No, it's the perfect size."
She snickered. "Good to know. I have quite the model." Her gaze flicked south.
He laughed as he grabbed a stir stick and stirred his cappuccino, dissolving her work of art. "Don't think you've heard the last of this, love." Heat simmered in his eyes.
"Is that a promise?"
Rowan's stare, blazingly hot, snapped to hers. "When you're begging me to let you come, love, just remember this--you got me hard in a very public place." He strolled off to a table, leaving her flushed and speechless behind the bar.
Well.
Damn.
~~~
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#my writing#answered prompt#prompt fill#throne of glass microfics#rowaelin#aelin galathynius#rowan whitethorn#rowan x aelin#rowaelin fanfic#rowaelin fanfiction#lysandra ennar#throne of glass#heir of fire#queen of shadows#throne of glass fanfic#throne of glass fanfiction#coffee shop au#teeheehee#rowaelin fluff#yes it's fluff this time I SWEAR#frederick was not invited
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