#// why am i finding so many good and funny crocodile posts

[goingbuggy]

When you have time I would LOVE to hear your thoughts about post time skip buggy!!

Hi, anon! Sorry for the late-ish reply. I thought carefully about how I wanted to reply, but alas, here I am again, starting my metas in the strangest places. Anyways, here’s a seemingly unimportant question: Why is it funny that Buggy keeps failing upwards?

My answer also happens to be one of Pixar's 22 Rules of Storytelling:

"Coincidences to get characters into trouble are great; coincidences to get them out of it are cheating."

You might be wondering why I chose this quote -- after all, Buggy manages to escape most conflicts by sheer coincidence. Take the canon-filler episode(s) “Little Buggy's Big Adventure,” for example; coincidence is the sole reason why he ends up on Gaimon’s island and eventually finds Alvida, one of his future allies. But for as much as Oda is guilty of using coincidences to benefit Buggy, he also creates coincidences to get Buggy into trouble. Sure, Buggy left on good terms with Gaimon/found Alvida, but only after:

Suffering a humiliating defeat at the hands of Luffy

Losing most of his body

Being chased by killer fish/eaten by a ginormous bird

Nearly getting shot in the head by Gaimon over a misunderstanding

Being chased AGAIN by a deadly crab???? LMAO???

Buggy’s “luck” functions like a pendulum -- for every good thing that happens to him, horrible things are guaranteed to follow. This core aspect of his character is what keeps the gag afloat. Buggy is never rewarded by the narrative without experiencing consequences. In order to earn moments of respite, he has to suffer.

I find it hilarious when people argue that Buggy doesn’t deserve to have good things happen to him. Because, yeah? Duh. Oda loves having his cake and eating it too. It’s not necessarily good to play both sides with the audience when it can cheapen emotional impact, but Oda will absolutely continue to make Buggy both a complete joke and a genuine character. He has fun that way. However, he’s not going to help Buggy without hurting him first.

But that's a very meta perspective. How does Buggy view his own beneficial coincidences? He’s now an emperor, and extremely close to the One Piece/Pirate King title that he so desperately wants. But why does he think he’s being rewarded, in-universe?

His facade.

His devoted followers, his influence, that billion-berry bounty, his emperor status -- all of it stems from his fake persona and its snowball effect. He’s well aware of this. In fact, I think it’s likely that he hates himself for being such a coward and hiding behind lies. But when he sees his true self as worthless, what else can he do except dig himself into a deeper hole?

Look at 1082. Buggy finally stands up for himself, claiming that wealth and power come from chasing after your dreams -- not grand schemes. Here, he’s talking to himself as much as he’s talking to Crocodile and Mihawk.

“This is wrong… This isn’t how I wanted my life to go…”

It’s a very depressing peek at the man behind the curtain. Buggy only ever wanted to follow his dreams, but he uses schemes to get ahead instead, because they're all he thinks he has. His lies are a crutch to depend on, so he doesn't have to face the truth: he doesn't believe in himself. 

To me, 1082 reads as a "Hail Mary" moment from a character at an emotional low. Buggy still doesn't believe in himself, but he is saying: Fuck it. If Shanks and I finally have an equal chance at becoming Pirate King, I at least have to try... Right? We can confirm his lack of self-confidence, because Buggy even admits he got here by “luck or chance or whatever."

He cannot entertain the possibility that he'd get this far any other way. Of course he doesn't see himself as Shanks' equal. It’s one of many reasons he didn’t want to go with Shanks at Loguetown; he assumed he’d be working “under” Shanks (even though Shanks only said “Come with me!"), because he truly believes he is lesser in terms of potential/greatness. ("You coward!" can also be interpreted as Buggy projecting his own insecurities onto Shanks.) Buggy's decision in 1082 is a desperate leap of faith. "Go for broke," "shoot for the moon," etc.

Post-Timeskip Buggy may appear more dangerous than ever before, but in reality, he’s just a small fish in a big pond. The farther he crawls his way up the ladder of success, the worse he feels, because the life he has built is not how he wanted to live at all. Based on everything we've known about Pre-Timeskip Buggy, we should expect him to be happier than ever. He has influence. Power. His monetary value in the eyes of the World Government has shot up exponentially. But look at the poor guy. He's miserable.

If you've ever seen Better Call Saul, I think this scene from S4E9 is very similar to how I feel about Buggy:

JIMMY: There you go! Kick a man when he’s down! KIM: Jimmy, you are always down.

Buggy is a character who is always down, even when you think he might be up. Until he stops maintaining that false image, he will always be punished by the narrative pendulum he's trapped himself in.

Unfortunately, change is hard, especially with the stakes he’s currently facing. If Buggy actually has to fight Blackbeard, Luffy, or Shanks... he can’t. Not alone. He needs people to believe the facade, because that's what got him here in the first place. He may look invincible, but he is quite possibly the most vulnerable character right now.

Crocodile and Mihawk would sell him to Satan for one corn chip (especially after that stunt he pulled in 1082). We haven't seen him improve his physical abilities (unless Oda pulls some off-screen bullshit). As an emperor, he has more people gunning for his head than ever before. Buggy’s last line of defense is his long-running gag -- if Oda decides to subvert our expectations, he’s a dead man walking.

And who would he have to blame but himself? He built his image on smoke and mirrors. Eventually, he's going to have to pay the price.

If Pre-Timeskip Buggy is a man defined by coincidence, then Post-Timeskip Buggy is defined by consequence.

[zaacoy]

It's 3 am!! You know what that means!!! Delusional tang posting time let's gooo yippee!!!!!!

Said I'd dump S4 Tang thoughts here a week ago and then I just kinda. didn't. oopsies, but I can start now!!

S4 Spoilers below the cut, you have been warned!!!

AUTHOR'S NOTE OF SORTS AFTER WRITING THIS: WOW IS THIS LONG. I got a little too silly and put too many thoughts down at once oops, prepare to be reading for a good minute you have been warned (twice!!) aughdhsj

My thoughts are so disorganized rn prepare for a rollercoaster of whatever my brain spits out!!

First. Ep 4 intro.

Good to see that Tang still can never have a nice landing unlike everybody else

THE CROCODILE??????? HELLOSNBD?!?

MF GETS BODY SLAMMED?????

THIS SCREAM????? He gets to scream for like, 2. SECONDS. BEFORE HE GETS?? DRAGGED RIGHT BACK INTO THE WATER????

ALL OF THE SCREAMINGSG??? THE BASS???? THE FUCKING GUITAR????????

I can't. I cannot. convey in words how incredibly funny this scene is to me. I can't sit through it and not laugh or start kicking my feet it's just THAT good. They had Z E R O business doing this to him, this scene had absolutely NO REASON to be THIS chaotic but they?? did it anyway????? jgkngm???? I love this show sm

He's so pretty in this specific lighting I need to draw him like this soon or I will explode wowowee

HE DEFLATED. SO FAST.

That's such a funny reaction, no more energy just. Whatever. Eat me I guess I don't care just start cooking so pigsy can come back please. He is so funny

weapon. just straight up bonk him into a demon like a plank of wood

Actually now that I think about it why? Did nobody untie him??? they found him and just left him like that?? Neither of them ever untied him if memory serves I'm pretty sure pigsy did it while he was cooking. ???

"To get crammin' APPARENTLY! HMPF!"

"Oh, haha! I'M the dinner! Excellent."

Good to see Tang's sass and saltiness never leaves, they should let him be sarcastic and talk back more often

Done with all of your bs glares at you glares at you glares at you glares at y

What comes around goes around!!! Their dynamic is fun wahoo

He noms very happily!!! omnomnom (he deserves it at this point mans DESPERATELY needs a break)

THEY DID NOT HAVE TO CALL HIM OIT LIKE THAT DHDHJS PLEASE????? JAJJS The little sad noises he makes as he gets torn into, little guy behavior tbh

"-stop gorging yourself on our rations!" "I'm sorry! It's just I'm stressed okay!?"

STRESS-EATER CONFIRMED!!!!!!!!! YOU AND ME BOTH BUDDY. No wonder he married a cook, wonder if in college everytime Tang was mega stressed about finals or a big deadline coming up (the latter could be true later when he's out of college and had a job too) if pigsy, assuming he had the time, would just make a meal for him. They probably wouldn't be able to spend much time together in that situation so making him something when he knows Tang is stressed seems like a realistic thing for Pigsy to do in order to subtly show he's there for support when need be. Tang pays that kindness forward by actually paying his tab for once coughs

"HEY! I so to am perfect!" (S1)

"hmmmm, if I wasn't so cool and relaxed all the time I'd be reeeeeally worried about the consequences of this" (S1)

"I know my issue is my self confidence" (S4)

(Can't find a way to make it a gif) Tang: so ""relaxed"" in his current situation that he is shaking hard enough to vibrate in place, coupled with the look of completely calm and collected and ""coolness"". (S4)

Does it ever drive you crazy just how fast the night chan- gets shot

ACTUALLY THo S4 fleshed him out as a character so much, especially when we compare him to how he started all the way back in S1. Beforehand in earlier seasons everything was mostly stable for him. Same places, same people, consistent comfort, it gave him some sense of security that could have made his "calm and relaxed" demeanor viable back then. But now that everythings been thrown up and ruined by powers out of Tang's control, his bubble of safety no longer stands. We begin to see it in season 3 with lady bone demon's attacks + macaque's continued interference. Tang seems a lot more on edge near the latter half of season 3 then he had been all of the rest of the show and there's definitely WAY more panic present as one bad thing after another unfolds, notably when he is quite literally moved to tears as he's forced to forge the samadhi fire. It does kind of consistently crop up during other prior conflicts too but much more mildly and on a more temporary scale. Now, seemingly not long after the lbd incident as mk evidently still hasn't pushed past lbd all that well, his entire framework of stability is practically smashed into pieces. He's stuck in a scroll, he loses track of all of his friends for a while, there is no comfortable safe space for him anymore(a book can probably only realistically tell you so much about a setting, probably not enough to evoke the same familiarity that his house or pigsy's shop does), he literally almost gets eaten, there's ANOTHER massively powerful divine being threatening the safety of his loved ones along with his own, and on top of it all he can't get his powers (which are evidently in DIRE need right now) to work half the time. He had built a dependency on the routine of mundane life beforehand and S4 completely shatters that routine and subsequent stability. It's no wonder why we begin to see him crack, it make sense why we're just now seeing the actual depths of his lack of confidence and his anxiety. This has always been a problem more likely than not, he was able to cope before, or at least hide it, but he can't now. His inability to use his powers properly inevitably worsens the problem. He needs to use his powers but he cant. He needs to be useful, he has to be, but he just can't no matter how long or how hard he tries. Every odd is against him, it's getting to him and it shows. I love how lmk doesn't try to hero-speech it's way out of every character's doubts. I love how they let him break down several times throughout season 4, I love how they let him show emotional weakness not as a plot obstacle that can be ✨✨completely overcome with the power of believing in yourself!! And friends!!! And flashy magic!!! Yayyyyy!!!✨✨ but as a fundamental part of Tang that he just has to work around and deal with it. They obviously can't get too in depth into it (and probably never will) because a. This is a kid show made by Lego, and b. Because he's, y'know, not the main character, but the attention they did bring to it is nice.

I have. Accidently written a paragraph. Oops. uhhhh tldr: They did a good job portraying Tang's internal struggles through S4 while not invalidating his character and behavior from previous seasons. When you kick the rug out from someone's feet and then throw them off a 400ft cliff into a pit full of spikes they're going to be at least a little bit terrified out of their mind and are probably going to understandably show weakness somewhere along the way, I'm glad Lego takes a moment to explore that with Tang at least a little bit.

OKAY!! MOVING ON!!! SORRY ABOUT THAT GHFJJ

Mentioned this earlier on twt but the death grip he maintains on his staff when he gets really scared is a nice touch. He has a history throughout all 4 seasons of latching onto objects or people when he's distressed, a small but fun character detail!

LOOK AT HIM. GIVE HIM A BREAK HE HAS EARNED IT AND HE NEEDS IT PLEEEASDE IM BEGGING SOBS FORERVRRHRHNM

"ahh I'm sorry I'm just- I'm having a melt down and I have no idea what's going on and I just-!"

In line with what I ranted on about for an entire essay earlier- explicit mention of a meltdown! It's quick and short but the fact that they called it a meltdown at all is impressive, this is the first time I can remember a show calling one as such. A meltdown in response to a seeming extended lack of security and a disconnect between Tang and what's going on around him is realistic too, I think at least. The scene right after this when the gang (mostly sandy) does their best to bring Tang back down to earth for a moment was nice, they're such a supportive friend group I love this little found family

DHDJJ???? THIS ENTIRE SCENE WAS GREAT BUT THIS ONE??? WHERE HE JUST GOES ZOOMING THROUGH THE AIR SCREAMMG?? IS HE OKAY?????? HSJH

I HAVE. HIT MY IMAGE LIMIT UMMMM.

I had more to say and I will probably say those later!! For now this is it, it is almost 6 am I should really go to bed augahh

Remember!!!!: live, laugh, tang lego monkie kid. GOODNIGHT!!

[spinnysocks]

For that Choose Violence ask game: 9, 10, 16, 17, 19, and 23 for the Lion Guard

hey!! okie!! :D

9. worst part of canon

oof that is definitely one to start with! personally, i would say ushari's death and how the outlanders were handled in Battle For The Pridelands and after. ushari's death is a common talking point in the fandom, but i also think the waving off of scar's army who literally were the main villains for a whole season should've had something more, to end with at least...

also, how the whole circle of life ideology in tlg Does Not Work and is inherently speciesist in how they handle it, but i will spare you my rambling as there's plenty of good posts and videos about it

10. worst part of fanon

damn this one's even harder, i don't actually know i'm sorry 😭 i'll come back and edit this if i think of something

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

hmmmm!! as i said here, i'm pretty open to a lot of different ideas. but i have thought of another one: i've seen a few people shipping Simba x Kovu (IN AUs WHERE KIARA DOESN'T EXIST DW) and it's like... yeah, okay, we want mlm representation and there isn't that many non-related canon tlk characters - i get that - but the age gap... no thank you. (from my understanding, if it's an AU then maybe they would be the same age, but it rubs me the wrong way naturally) it's not like a massively popular ship but i've seen it a good few times, enough for me to talk about it

17. there should be more of this type of fic/art

i've said it before and i'll say it again, the crocodiles!!! the outlanders!!! i would sell my soul for a comic or fic about the outlanders reforming and that is a promise.

but yeah. my happiness, excitement, pure joy when i find a fic with the crocodiles is unbridled. i get so (positively) freaked out i have to put my phone down to collect myself 💀💀

19. you're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like...

erm. my crackships....... yeah. except i'm not actually that mad, ashamed, or horrified i'm having a jolly good time laughing about my stupid ideas 😭 hint: the crackships are all for kiburi HFGHDG

this prompt didn't specify anything so i will also say i am unreasonably obsessed with poacher aus, purely because it is PERFECT for angst and hurt/comfort ideas >:3 i'm sorry to all my faves you have been Captured!! for the purpose of me studying your character </3

23. ship you've unwillingly come around to

hmmm! usually, i decide pretty quickly whether or not i like a ship from first glance, for example i immediately clicked with your Hodari x Njano crackship because it's so funny 😭 but i would say your ideas about Shupavu x Njano have altered my brain chemistry in a good way lol! i would also say Makuu x Ucheshi really grew on me :)

others include Makuu x Akina from The Crocodile's Journey and Kiburi x Zula from The Northern Crocodile. when i tell you i am so strict about what i personally ship, and they aren't what i'd normally be interested in at all, but they started growing on me and i was just aAAA. they're not my main ships at all, as in i only think about them in the fics that they're in, but i do think about them

(the choose violence ask game)

thanks for your ask!!! loved doing this! now i want a "choose peace" ask game 😭

[mikumanogi-blog]

2017-03-05 “Stagnation” Kubo Shiori Blog #7

Is there anybody who thought “today is Kubo’s blog day?”!

It’s Shiori’s blog~ (I didn’t make you wait did I…)

I thought I would try changing up my usual introduction.

 Hello everyone, Thank you for work hard again today. I’m Nogizaka46 3rd generation member Kubo Shiori.

My hair is curled.

The other day something fortunate happened.

When the makeup artist was finished hair spraying my hair the can (big size) was empty. The last person that giant can of hair spray was used on was… me. Isn’t that lucky? It rarely happens (‘._.`)

Hehehe

 First off, I want to look back at what has happened recently. Thank you so much for the 5th Year Anniversary Birthday Live.

Hito ha naze hashiru no ka?

Tsuyogaru tsubomi,

Hane Kioku,

Harujion ga suku koro,

Shiori kumo ni note,

Hause!

The 3rd generation members all stood on that stage while considering the significance behind why we were given these songs to perform.

The emotions and the scenery I had from that stage is something I will never forget for as long as I live. More than anything, seeing all the 3rd generation member towels, pen light colors surprised me...I was overjoyed. I’m a very fortunate person. Thank you.

We also did a recording for the 3rd generation song 「sanbanme no kaze」off the 17th single. Surprise…and joyfulness… (You’re probably thinking that those are the only two emotions I have, I do have a lot of other ones…) At any rate this is something I’m thankful for. The wonderful lyrics and melody, this song will forever by important to me.

I was also nervous because this was my first time doing a PV shoot, but I thought that each shoot was done with care. I received the help of many people and as my first ever shoot I was able to make it an extremely meaningful experience. Thank you very much. I want to see all my fans again. Please wait for me.  (TL note: I am assuming this is for the individual PV’s and not the music video PV)

And now… Q&A time!!!

Because I wasn’t able to do a Q&A on my previous blog I will also be answering questions asked for that blog (‘._.`)

·         Which do you like more sweet or spicy?

I like food. Recently I’ve been enjoying sweet foods!

·         Are you good or bad at physical exercise?

You probably thought I was bad at physical exercise didn’t youuu~ but that not true at all! I’m average. This year on my first sports test I was awarded an A rank!

·         Do you cook? What food is your specialty?

I may look like I do and I doo~ It makes me happy to hear my family say “delicious” after they finish eating my food.

My specialty food is…it’s hard to say, when I was younger it used to be omurice (‘._.`)

Currently my specialty is probably a type of sweet… I’m always making sweets.

·         In your middle school club, what was the toughest club activity?

Most likely the stairway dash (‘._.`) I was always sore the next day. After that was the zoo warm up (‘._.`) Duck, Bear, Seal, crocodile, , , nostalgic memories (‘._.`)

·         What are some events made a lasting impression for you from Nogizaka under construction?

There are a lot of events but, Hori Miona’s「ikimana onna」line from her version of Wakatsuki Yumi’s Hashi kun was funny! (TL note: you can find an ENG sub version on YouTube).

Speaking of Miona san, at the concert she came to talk with me. She also put up a picture of me on her blog…thank you so much. Yamazaki Rena also posted one on her blog. Thank you very much (‘._.`)

(TL Note: Kubo and Rennachi & Kubo and Miona)

Honestly, I feel shy when meeting new people, when the senior members came to talk to me, I got tongue tied. I feel guilty… I wonder if that’s why people may think things like “Kubo is hard to approach isn’t she” I’ll continue to reflect upon my weakness from the shadows.

I honestly couldn’t speak. I also have a quiet voice… Ever since I was born I’ve been a lost cause…Despite my flaws the senior members are still nice to me. I want to talk more with the senior members about various things but because of my personality it’s probably won’t be enjoyable for them…My personality is something I need to change (‘._.`)

·         I burned myself…

Are you alright!?!? Please make sure to treat it properly so it doesn’t leave a scar (‘._.`) Pain, pain go away~ While I was saying that I um… also burned myself (‘._.`) I was half asleep and I…burned my neck with a hair iron… out of all the places it could’ve been why in such an obvious spot…I will reflect upon this mistake.

·         Are there times where you are picky or obsessed about your fashion?

Umm… well, I wear what I like without fussing over the brand. Recently I’ve been liking unique clothing~ Heading into spring I’ve been buying yellow and pink colored clothes. Renka told me “You’ve become more stylish lately” I’ve decided I want to wear more and more different types of western style clothing. I’ll do my best!

·         Can you see the towels and penlights from the stage?

Of course I can see them! Every time I spot one it makes me happy. I have some good news! Because my eyesight has gotten worse my contact lens strength has gone up, this means that I can spot everyone even easier than before! Allllright, from one end to the other I’ll find you all!

·         Show me a picture of you with twin tails!

Sure, here you go!

I knew it was no gooood!

Oh no, my hair is covered by my hood and the picture is bluury isn’t it~

…I’m sorry. Self-reflection. Self-reflection.

 ·         Why were you crying together with Nakada Kana san in the dressing room?

On a silent Friday, my name was brought up by Nakada Kana san. Thank you very much (‘._.`)

First of all, she did not make me cry!!! There is a reason for why I was crying… The first time we started practicing for Principle was a time where I had anxiety over how things would turn out going forward. Then Kana san came and talked with me… we talked a lot about her personal stories from her Principle performance and the future. The details are already….. I’m crying. I wonder if I can become stronger…Can I really keep at it…What should I do…. These are the insecurities I showed in front of my amazing superior. (‘._.`) I am extremely grateful to Kana san (‘._.`) Thank you very much.

 ·         Are you someone that eats a lot?

Yes I am! One of my favorite phrases is, I want to eat____. Just the other day, for lunch, I ate bread, rice and beef stew. For dinner I ate 30 gyozas. After that I had waffles and strawberry daifuku. Oh I also had ice cream. I have a bottomless stomach. (from the title of my blog two blogs ago ‘There is no limit’)

·         Do you like bread?

I do!!!! For a while I was addicted to bread crusts, and I ate them plain. I would eat them while waiting for practice to start!

 ·         What is something you’ve been addicted to lately?

Yogurt with soy flour on top!!! I’ve been way too addicted this pairing. I could put roasted soybean flour on anything.

 ·         Favorite ice cream flavor?

Matcha!! After that is Soy flour!! Eastern style ice cream flavors are ◎ but as expected I can’t choose between them (‘._.`)

For this blog I am going to end the Q&A here!!! I’ll being doing it again in the future!

 What been going on recently? Speaking of which, I’m going to start with some of my worries. My shyness has gone too far, so far that I’ve had troubles taking pictures with other members. However, I know that a lot of fans are waiting and saying “post pictures with the other members!”… For my fans I plucked up the courage and I took my first ever three-person selfie since joining Nogizaka46.

This should be a commemorative picture. Miichan, ririan, Tsuki Taro san. Thank you so much. I hope we continue to get along. 

(TL note: I’m not sure what 月太郎 (tsuki taro) means. After some research I found that 太郎月(taro dzuki) mean first moon of the new year, so she might just be calling herself a newbie).

Next, in Manatsu san’s blog, she was asked about which member she would want to be her little sister… In her answer she wrote about me…Thank you so much, Manatsu san is so kind. On the day of the 5th Year Anniversary Birthday Live I apologized to Manatsu saying “I’m really sorry for doing ‘zukkyun’ in Girl’s Rule during Principle” and Manatsu san said “no no, it’s completely fine! If anything, I’m glad that you did! Thank you so much!” Manatsu san is so kind isn’t she (‘._.`) Thank you so much for being nice to someone like me.

Guess what, guess what, Because I I was completely sold out for the handshake event another time slot has been added. Thank you very much! I am very, very, very, VERY happy… For everyone that will come see me I’ll make sure to give you a good time.

“I’ll never be able to forget this! I want to go again! I’m cheering for you!” I’ll do my best to give you these kinds of feelings. More than anything let’s enjoy ourselves. I’m really excited to talk to everyone! I wonder if I’ll see the people I met at the meet and greet again? I’ll be waiting for you!!

 Today, for the first time in a while something happy and enjoyable happened. I was also able to make unforgettable memories.

 There’s so much I want to say but this blog has already gone on for so long… I have been told before that I really like photography and I really do. That’s why when everyone gets a hold of the new magazine I’m in I hope to bring enough interest for them to say “wow who is this girl?” I’m making sure to not slack off in order to be the kind of person that stands out in a crowd.  

Just because you work hard doesn’t mean everything is going to turn out the way you want it to, but if you don’t put in the work then it definitely won’t.

I don’t want to be someone who is all talk and no action. I want to be someone that even though they say big things they can make them into reality. Yet even though I say that I don’t have enough confidence to talk about my own dreams. I’m a coward. I will change. I will change even more.

 In the last blog I received a lot of comments giving me advice and so I based my writing for this blog on that. The opinions that I saw most in the comments were “don’t be so stiff! Relax a bit!” Thank you very much. That’s why I decided to try and make a more relaaaaxed blog this time. What do you think?

Finally one last question from the comments!

·         Out of all the 3rd generation members, which member pretends to remember something the fastest?

That person is Tamami! Wow! Tomorrow is Tamami’s blog! Make sure to give it a read!!!

Kubo will write again.

(In Minachan’s blog I was temporarily recruited for a group called Nabepa (Nabe party). It doesn’t look like we can meet up often… Maybe we should try recruiting. What do you think would be good? The members are Tamami, Minachan and Ayati, and me.)

(TL Note: Minachan is Umezawa Minami)

Kubo Shiori

https://blog.nogizaka46.com/third/2017/03/037204.php

(TL note: trying to find a good translation for a blog title was difficult, the word used in japanese is 渋滞 which can mean either ‘congestion’ ‘delay’ or ‘stagnation’, I decided to go with stagnation because after reading this blog I got the impression that she feels like her growth as a person has become a little stagnant) 

[watchtheblog]

petty cache

thank you for coming to read my diary which masquerades as a blog but is actually just a vessel for disseminating my birthday wishlists. it’s like an event you show up to where the host tries to sell you a timeshare 25 minutes after some requisite, mindless song and dance.

welcome! if you’d like purchase a timeshare, scroll to the bottom. for the song and dance, look no further:

the other day i zoned out on zoom therapy and when my therapist asked where i “went” i had to lie because i had gone to the part of my brain that holds all the things i need to think about forever for no reason (i call it the petty cache — this is an umbrella term for the space that also houses my attitude cabinet) and dusted off a memory of a comment i saw on a stranger’s facebook three weeks ago that said “message me. i lost my password and i have good news to share”.

i don’t know either person, and that’s what i was thinking about. i spend $[redacted] a month on therapy and instead of focusing on one of my numerous unsolved mysteries, i was thinking about the nuances of this comment - like why they wouldn’t just share the news or message the person directly? or what losing their password had to do with anything? or why they would comment on facebook instead of texting or calling the person. did they not have their number? imagine not knowing someone well enough to have their phone number, but still wanting to share your good news with them!

all i want (for my birthday) is to know what the news is that this stranger has to share, and i’ll never know so i have to put that comment in my minutiae repository with all the other things that will plague me until i die from texting and driving, smoke inhalation as a result of purposely leaving a candle lit in my home overnight almost every night, consuming half a dozen hot dogs a week, or a now unnamed disease that will posthumously be attributed to my chronic inability to mind my own business.

i’m constantly concerning myself with things that are none of my concern - no matter how insignificant - because my brain is a commune of sentient pepperoni running instagram polls among themselves to discern if something is worth spending an inordinate amount of time thinking about. and guess what? it turns out absolutely everything that has ever offended, confused, bothered, intrigued, slightly inconvenienced, or merely happened to me is worth spending an inordinate amount of time thinking about.

because i devote so much energy to nonsense, i can often be found persecuting strangers for insulting me on the internet (and for other miscellaneous bad behavior). the information superhighway is my home so i have to protect myself (and my friends) here, and if that means spending 45 minutes to 48 hours trying to find every misstep you’ve made in your life until i have enough ammunition to spray a dozen simulated retaliatory bullets at your virtual head because you called me a “stupid bitch” on instagram, well… so be it!

i am relentless in my pursuit of wasting time, so if that doesn’t work, i will find the cold stone creamery you frequent, seek employment there, be hired on the spot, learn the craft, be promoted to manager, poison you on your birthday, gain access to your funeral, and tarnish your reputation by reading your shitty DM in front of the few family and friends whom i haven’t already made aware of the abhorrent way you conducted yourself online!

there are so many different ways strangers will try to hurt your feelings — an interesting genre of which come from men who (like me) have definitely never had sex before, and mistakenly think i care about the ways in which my body does not make them horny.

“no tits” one will say. and i’m like, how do you want me to respond to that? my boobs are indeed small, yes. did you come here to shoot facts back and forth all day? ok: you’re going to start balding way sooner than you’re prepared for, i bet your childhood dog is dead, your time on the internet should be supervised, your closet is full of vests, and you wait on line at nightclubs… good day?!

while i will obviously engage with anyone if they want to fight, i prefer when the unsolicited criticism is personalized, and not just thoughtless, lazily devised tripe.

a year and a half ago, a man who looked like he exhales smog DMed me to let me know - among other things in a paragraph long rant - he’d “lost brain cells” watching my story. knowing he had likely never had an adequate amount to begin with, it seemed like an emergency, so i started a group DM with his wife. because his message had come just three days after a “fuckkk [heart eye emoji]” response to a photo of my ass, i included a screenshot as evidence of his devolving mental state.

being - presumably - gainfully employed, neither of them responded.

luckily, the consolation prize for insulting me is that you gain residency in my brain and stay in my thoughts and prayers for all eternity, so i checked in on them a few days ago. they’d unfollowed and wiped their feeds clean of each other!!

because i’ve never “moved on” in my entire life, i fired up our long dormant group chat, and sent my condolences: “aw. sorry your trip to positano - where you were going to attempt to repair your ramshackle marriage - got cancelled because of covid and so you just got divorced instead :(” i wrote before being blocked by both of them. 

then i headed right over to my therapist’s facebook and commented “message me. i lost my password and i have good news to share”

i spent an entire therapy session detailing this monomania before my therapist thoughtfully suggested i “pick [my] battles”.

to which i thoughtfully responded: yeah, babe. i pick every single one.

                                                        ***

timeshare time! it’s the same list as this post, with a few additions (at top) (and edits based on availability).

places to donate food education fund pretty brown girl the okra project

some furniture stuff a side table  a pointless, laughably tiny little thing this website is calling a “drink table” a lamp one of these benches i do not want this but it’s important to me that at least 2 other people know it exists

this plant that obviously does not need to cost $165 but idk how to shop economically

air pods

gifts from the previous post - all still v much in play!

a pair of shoes (size 8 or 38) one pair, another pair, yet another, these are on sale, these are not, and a final pair

a specific clutch with three color choices they allege this color is called sand but it looks white to me, pink, green for those who do not know what malachite means (it couldn’t be me. i learned it 3 hours ago when i began compiling this cursed list)

something everyone with money to waste needs this

dresses i’ll never be able to wear until there’s a vaccine because unlike someone tacky who knows me, i won’t be having a birthday party in the middle of a global pandemic (hi, you fool) white polka dot, not white polka dot, also not polka dot, a red dress, a skirt (aka half a dress), a black dress

this sweatsuit xs in this, small in this

is sephora cancelled? i want this hair dryer which i’m sure you can buy elsewhere if sephora is cancelled, which it v well may be

this item which you may think is cheap but actually it’s not soooo a hairpin

earrings one pair, another pair, and another

this dress which i’ll never wear anywhere even when there is a vaccine because… what?! but maybe. you never know. size 34. lol when i get this far into the list i’m always blown away by how insane it is that i do this every year to no audience. so i’m just laughing alone at that. :) i am v funny to myself. another dress i’ll never wear ;)

the nicest weighted blanket you know of i’m depressed!!!!! if you can’t tell!!!!!!!

every year i have asked for a weekend bag and every year i have not received one, so alas, we try again this is not a weekend bag actually but it will do. this is!

a peloton but just venmo me the cash (@merce212) because i have a hookup

an assortment of ridiculous things a $500 body scarf a $580 beach towel with an octopus on it for no reason besides “art” i cannot tell analog time but it’s never too late to start!! how mad would you be if someone bought you a roulette table for your wrist? be honest. (THIS WATCH IS FOUR YEARS RENT!!!!!!) they won’t say how much this costs :( i’m losing my mind and must be gifted a chanel watch or else i will perish. to put my salami on when i am eating salami in my bed “24k gold crocodile [?!!) teddy bear”. the website says there’s only one left, which begs the question “why did someone buy one of these rather than buying me a chanel watch?!!” *real ‘billionaires shouldn’t exist [unless they’re buying me a watch]’ energy* to put my new watch in this is ugly but it’s on sale :) idk wtf “secret box pendant” means but i wish this necklace was also a USB with every season and spinoff of 90 day fiancé on it hi yes i’m stupid but i draw the line at $1500 connect four…

[veliseraptor]

Got anything with Loki doing anything touristy? Gawking at a chocolate fountain? Going to another country to try food he heard was good there? Not realising when he'd crossed a border? Finding mortal magic users/teachers learning from them and hoarding their knowledge? sampling libraries? anything?

These Vagabond Shoes, 3.4k, post-ragnarok au entirely ignoring infinity war cause I can do that if I wanna

-----

Loki stays long enough to see that what remains of Asgard is settled more or less safely, confirms that Thor has things well in hand, and leaves. He writes a brief note - don’t follow me - sets the Tesseract down on top of it, changes his clothes to something less conspicuous, and hitches a ride with one of the curious mortals who has come to gawk.

She squints at him. “You look familiar,” she says.

“I have one of those faces,” Loki says. “Shall we?”

Maren - for so is her name - takes him as far as Drammen. From there he catches a train to Oslo, and books a flight at random. He could walk the shadow paths instead, but for some reason he cannot explain to himself chooses not to.

Thor will have noticed by now that he is gone. What does he think? Is he disappointed, or does he just sigh and accept that this is how Loki is: unchanging, ever himself, fickle and untrustworthy.

“Do I know you from somewhere?” asks the man sitting next to him on the plane.

“No,” Loki says flatly. “You don’t.”

When he lands in Bruges, the first thing he does cut his hair. The second is to buy a postcard with a photo of the palace - it looks rather pathetic to Loki, but he supposes it must be impressive. Hello from Belgium, he writes. I hope you haven’t already burned the village down.

He drops it in the mail, unsigned.

**

Loki purchased a phone, not because he had anyone he wanted to call (he didn’t) but because they apparently store vast amounts of information, and given all the things Loki doesn’t know about it is useful to have a means of looking them up quickly.

Perusing the options available in the store he visits, he barks an abrupt laugh when he realizes why the StarkPhones are so named. He interrupts the salesperson’s rambling to indicate them. “I’ll take one of those.”

Stark himself will have no idea, but it amuses Loki.

Armed with his new device, Loki spends a couple hours figuring out how to navigate it. It isn’t bad, as far as Midgardian technology goes. Almost respectable. A few modifications and it would almost approach Asgardian children’s toys.

Loki pauses. Those toys are probably gone. He doubts anyone brought one. All of Asgard’s technology, all of its knowledge...that’s gone, now. Perhaps forever. The library of texts stretching back millennia, the scholars and scientists and healers…

Loki hears a crack and looks down at the broken screen of his new phone. He mends it with a touch, his thoughts far away, the loss hitting him all over again. Humans move around him and for a moment he hates them, for going on with such indifference as though an entire civilization has not been swallowed by the Void.

For a moment, the itch to go back to Thor. To have some company in grief.

For a moment.

Loki brushes it aside and moves on. He searches things to do on Earth and finds a list of ‘50 Things to Do Before You Die.’

It’s a starting place.

Before leaving Belgium, though, Loki decides that easily the best thing humans have invented in the past 300,000 years or so is the chocolate fountain. Absolutely genius.

**

They call it the ‘Grand Canyon,’ but it isn’t half as grand as the one on Alfheim. Do you remember the name? I don’t. Too hot here, and crowded. Give Heimdall my love.

Loki isn’t sure why he didn’t leave the moment he realized that the first destination on his list was a desert. His shirt is sticking to his back with sweat, sunglasses threatening to slide down the bridge of his nose. It is brutally hot, and he feels a bit light-headed.

Retreating into the shade, he frowns at the milling crowd of tourists readying to ride a pack of animals down into the canyon itself. He might be tempted, but for that he is given to understand that the heat down there is actually worse.

“Are you all right? You look a bit flushed.”

Loki turns his head to look at the middle-aged woman who has sidled up next to him. She is wearing a wide-brimmed hat with a strap under the chin, and looks quite fresh and untroubled by the heat. Loki gives her a tight smile.

“I’m fine,” he says. “Just not used to it, I suppose.”

“Just be careful,” she says. “It can really sneak up on you out here!” She pats him on the arm and moves off, leaving Loki to wonder what, exactly, it is.

The tourists mount and begin their trek. When Loki is sure none of them are watching, he shifts into a vulture and launches himself into the air, riding one of the thermals up, looking down at the winding snake of the river below.

**

To His Majesty King Thor: Humans certainly like to describe things as ‘great,’ don’t they? My guidebook calls this ‘the Great Wall of China.’ The local name seems to translate similarly, though perhaps more specific - 10,000-li long wall. I am sure the linguistic ins and outs of Midgardians are of great interest to you.

It has its own sort of beauty, I suppose. The food here is interesting. Different. I am enjoying it.

In Huaibeizhen, Loki dreams of Thanos.

It is not, needless to say, a pleasant dream.

He is on Sanctuary, wedged into a corner, shaking and crying silently. He has been punished, but cannot remember why; he only knows that he is afraid, and in pain, and desperately lonely. He yearns for safety, for comfort, for home.

You don’t have a home, sneers a voice in his mind. Ebony Maw’s says this is your home.

Childishly, he wants Thor. But he knows, in his bones, that Thor doesn’t want him.

He wakes with tears streaming down his face, sobs catching in his throat. For a moment, he hovers on the edge of taking the shadow-paths, fleeing to Norway, to Thor. He smothers the urge brutally, digging his nails into his palms and breathing shallowly until he calms.

He won’t go back. He doesn’t know if he ever will; hasn’t decided yet. He hasn’t decided much of anything, only that he cannot, or will not, stay still.

And yet he misses Thor. No, that is wrong: saying he misses Thor is as inadequate as it would be to say that he misses breathing. He is that central, that vital, that involuntary.

If anyone asked, Loki thinks he would tell them that was why he was running. To prove that he can.

**

What sort of a name is ‘Whitsunday’ for a group of islands? Not one that conveys anything about them, certainly. I went sailing today. Rather disappointed by the lack of whales, but I did see a saltwater crocodile. Magnificent creatures. They would not be out of place on Asgard.

Would not have been. It is strange to miss a place I spent so much time hating. It is strange to miss a person I spent so much time hating.

I hope you are well.

The weather is turning on the southern half of Midgard. Loki looks up how it works: the tilting of the planet as it spins, each hemisphere tipping toward or away from the sun, a top spinning through space. He watches a diagram of it, mesmerized by the movement. It isn’t full winter, but no one else is swimming in the clear water. It is cold, but the cold doesn’t bother Loki.

There are reefs, but many of the inhabitants seem to have retreated. He does see a creature moving gracefully through the water, almost like a bird. A manta ray, he learns later.

He borrows a sailboat, just a touch of persuasion convincing the owner to let him take it out alone. It is similar enough to vehicles Loki has experience using that he can fly across the water, the wind in his face.

It feels like freedom.

**

Why do they come here? A city buried in ash, frozen in the moment of its destruction.

Do you see it in your dreams? Asgard, burning. And I set the flame.

Loki does not stay long in Pompeii. It makes his skin crawl. It makes him think of Hela, and Surtur rising from the Eternal Flame, and Asgard, Golden Asgard, Eternal Asgard, annihilated. Asgard is not a place, but a people, Thor said, more than once, as though it was a talisman. Maybe he is right. But it was a place, for many long years. And now it is not.

Funny, isn’t it, that he tried to destroy a hated Realm and failed, and succeeded in destroying the one that, despite himself, he loved.

**

I am staying in a cave. Apparently that is the done thing here, along with hot air balloon rides and what they call ‘fairy rock chimneys.’ They bear no resemblance to anything one of the fae would build, I must say, though they have their own beauty.

A cave, though! Really.

Tomorrow I think I will try one of the hot air balloons, though it seems to me a fairly absurd and inefficient form of transportation. I do not think that is actually the point, but it is distracting when one might simply fly. But it is, as the humans around me keep saying, the experience.

You should travel sometime, Thor. See this world it seems we now must live upon. Of course, I suppose the King of Asgard has little time for such frivolities.

I think that you might like it here.

Cappadocia is an interesting place, different again from anywhere else he has gone. Loki goes into the underground churches, as suggested by the friendly concierge at his lodgings, but the moment he steps into the close, dark rooms he begins to sweat, fear wrapping tight around his throat, and he has to retreat quickly.

Ashamed, he stands outside, shivers running down his spine.

“Claustrophobic?” Asks a woman standing nearby. She sounds sympathetic, but Loki still looks sharply in her direction.

“Beg pardon?”

She gestured at the opening. “That’s why I’m not going in. Small spaces give me the creeping horrors.”

Claustrophobic. He never used to be that. Or, well - he didn’t particularly like it, but it didn’t give him...the creeping horrors. Things change, he supposes. Another thing to thank Thanos for.

He forces a thin smile. “A bit,” he says. “Excuse me.”

All in all, he prefers the fairy rock chimneys. There is something fanciful about them, for all they cannot compare to the true architecture of the fae. Too solid and heavy, where their work is light, almost ethereal, and yet full of sharp edges that cut the unwary.

Loki’s always been fond of the fae, though most of the time they did not return the feeling.

He was right about the hot air balloon, though. It is stifling and slow, and he itches to launch himself from the basket and spring into the air, wheeling in spirals, higher and higher until the air is too thin to breathe and he turns and plummets downward.

He does not. But he closes his eyes and imagines it, almost feeling the wind ruffling his feathers as the world dwindles below.

**

Look! Something older than we are. And still standing. Remarkably durable. They call them ‘the Pyramids of Giza.’ It seems they buried their kings within them.

The sand here gets everywhere, and I’ve burned my nose. It’s bright red. Hideous. I also rode a camel today - they are, quite possibly, the most peculiar creature I’ve encountered so far on Midgard, and remarkably poor tempered.

I don’t think I like deserts.

Egypt is new, and different again from anywhere else he has been. This is one of the fascinating things about Midgard: the variety. One Realm, and yet a myriad of differences. So many ways in which they separate themselves. It is absolutely fascinating.

Loki has been reading about the history of this place. It is old, and looking at the ruins of its history he can feel the weight of its age. Stretching into a distant past that no one here can remember. They were here before Odin was born, when Bor still reigned. If his reckoning is right, they were here before Svartalfheim was made desolate. Built to reach toward a sky they couldn’t touch.

“Did you know that these were built by aliens?” A young man standing next to him says. Loki snorts involuntarily, and he turns toward him.

“Skeptic, are you?” he says. “The research-”

“Don’t be absurd,” Loki says. “Nobody was even visiting this Realm for tourism until very recently. You overestimate your relevance.”

Perhaps it was not the best idea to say that. The man and both of his friends are now staring at him with strange expressions. One of them squints a bit.

“Your relevance?” he says cautiously. Ah, damn.

Loki flashes his teeth. “That’s what I said,” he says, and moves off, veiling himself from sight after a few strides. He can’t help but turn around to look; the gaping expressions are undeniably satisfying.

It lifts his mood for the rest of the day.

**

Dear Thor: I am sending you two postcards together, this time, to show you both the inside and outside of this church. They have been building it for 137 years. There are a great many churches on Midgard, it seems. Many in this city alone, but this one seems to be unique.

It is certainly very large. The designer has been dead for nearly a century, and yet they labor on. It isn’t for him, though. This is what I have come to realize about humans, I think: they are always looking for something larger than themselves.

Then again, I suppose we are, too. We look to the Norns. I wonder if the Norns look to something else again? If they have their own stories that guide them, that drive them.

Have I bored you yet?

The food here is very good. One thing that can certainly be said for Midgardians: they do very imaginative things with their cuisine.

The pillars inside the Sagrada Familia make Loki think of trees made of stone. He stands, staring upward, listening to the sound of echoing voices.

It reminds him, a little, of Asgard. Starker, sparer, stone-not-gold, but there is something in it nonetheless of glory and splendor, designed to overawe and overwhelm. It is meant to make one feel small.

Loki filters out the decorations, replaces the altar with a throne. On a whim, he spreads an illusion of gold sweeping up the columns, over the ceiling. There is gasping, pointing, shouts - a moment later he lets it fade and slips out, feeling oddly bereft.

He goes to a restaurant down by the water and orders paella. There is an ache in his chest. For some reason, he is thinking of his mother.

That grief still feels unfinished. A piece carved away from him he will never get back. A resolution he will never have. A goodbye he never had the chance to give. When he thought he was dying, Loki reached for her, stretching out his arms, lo, there do I see my mother; lo, she does call to me.

But the circle didn’t close. He rose again, to live on.

Loki feels, suddenly, very far from home. He pays for his food, and leaves it mostly untouched.

**

Your Majesty,

I couldn’t send this directly from Antarctica. Limited post, apparently.

It is very cold here. Jotunheim cold. There is a challenge to go swimming in the water, and when I dove in I changed. It was a disconcerting feeling.

Do you understand why I tried to destroy them? It was because I believed it would destroy that part of myself.

It is easier to say these things in writing than aloud. I am sending this before I can unwrite it. I wonder, sometimes, if you read these at all; if they reach you only to be tossed into the fire. Or if you do read them, scowling, shaking your head.

I miss you. There, I have said it. Make of it what you will.

It is not easy to jump in. Even knowing that the cold won’t hurt him, not really, his body still rebels against him. Still, Loki braces himself, breathes deeply, and dives.

It takes his breath away. For a moment, there is fear - I am going to freeze, I am going to die - and then it washes over him, like shedding his skin. It feels good, it feels suddenly like this is where he belongs, like this cold is a part of him and he is a part of this cold.

He surfaces. He has gone far enough away from the others that his strangeness would not be noticed, leaving an illusion in his place, and he is glad he did it. If his resistance to the cold would cause comment, surely this shape would as well.

For he knows without looking what skin he wears. His stomach turns, nausea rising in his throat. He fights it down.

It doesn’t matter, he thinks. It is just another shape you can wear. It does not determine your destiny.

But he crawls out of the water, back onto the ice, and changes back. It feels strange, suddenly, like his skin is too tight and he doesn’t quite fit inside it. The feeling passes, but it leaves him unsettled and in a sour mood.

The postcard he writes to Thor, back in Rio Grande, is longer than usual, and afterwards he feels raw, exposed, and full of nervous energy. He lies awake most of the night, and when he sleeps dreams fitfully of falling, of Thor prying his fingers loose from Gungnir one at a time.

**

Thor,

I don’t know how to come home.

I need you to meet me halfway.

He boards the boat at Alesund. It has been six months, half a year, and the seasons are turning toward the winter now, but the last gasps of summer still linger. He could still run. There are more places to go, more things to see. But there will always be a tether that pulls him back. Binding him, but holding him back from madness, too.

For a millennium, he and Thor have circled each other, trapped in orbit like Midgard and its sun. Loki tips away, and then back, but never breaking free. But if the sun keeps this planet bound, it also keeps it alive.

Geirangerfjord is as splendid as promised. The mountains tower on either side, breathtaking and beautiful, and the sky is clear and bright. He sees a few seals off the side of the boat, poking their heads up and then vanishing with barely a ripple. Loki’s fear grows steadily, a living thing in his chest. He does not know how Thor will greet him. He does not know if Thor will greet him at all.

Maybe it would be best if we never see each other again.

The ship pulls in at Geiranger. Loki holds back, waiting for everyone else to disembark first. He leaves slowly, like a man walking to his doom, and scans the dock.

Thor is not there, and it is only in that moment that Loki fully realizes how much he needed him to be.

He takes a deep breath and descends anyway, pulling out his phone and idly checking off another destination. He’ll stay the night, he thinks. Just in case.

“Loki,” he hears, and looks up sharply.

There he is, striding down the street. Heads turn around him, looking from him to Thor and back again, and at least some of them will put together the pieces soon, but Loki can barely think of that. His thoughts are swallowed up, utterly blank, and he can only stand frozen, eyes wide as Thor bears down on him with large, energetic strides.

He cannot breathe.

“Loki,” Thor says again, and lunges, dragging him into a hug, crushingly tight. Loki’s nose is pressed against Thor’s shoulder. His lungs constrict and release. He hears Thor take a deep breath and sigh.

How easy it is. How natural, this.

“Come home,” Thor says. His voice is muffled, but it vibrates in his chest, and he does not let go.

Here and now, Loki doesn’t want him to.

“Yes,” Loki says.

[neverwatchedonepiece]

652-654: "The Last - and Bloodiest - Block! Block D Battle Begins!", "A Decisive Battle! Giolla vs the Straw Hats!" and "Beautiful Sword! Cavendish of the White Horse!"

“Complication?” 

YOU ARE A CELESTIAL DRAGON!!

Or is he...?

Shins of Steel

Usually leave the huge reveals to the end but I can’t wait to talk about this major plot point, since it’s knocked a dent into my immovable “All Celestial Dragons Are Wet Lettuces” viewpoint. It’s like I smugly posted a “Change My Mind” meme and Doflamingo cracked his knuckles and proved me wrong.

Or did he?

After opening with Rebecca and Cavendish in the Colosseum (more on that later), the story veered back to Law, Doflamingo and Fujitora. I thought, “This is nice. Haven’t seen Law in a while. Let’s see what the rascal is up to.”

He was pretty much where Oda had left him: running like hell from a chuckling Doflamingo. And he was still reeling from Doflamingo’s deception.

“I have no interest in your past!” Law proclaimed. Which was totally unfair because I was definitely interested.  “The only people who can use the World Government to deceive us are Celestial Dragons!”

“So what?” Doflamingo answered.

At this point I figured Doflamingo somehow had them in his pocket. That Doflamingo was so wealthy and well-connected he could even manipulate them.

There was a flurry of attacks. Doflamingo pulled a Sasuke vs Orochimaru in the chuunin exams: wired up Law and pinned him to a tree. He was like, “You can’t buy any more time, Law.”

“You said it’s complicated before,” Law said, (buying time). What do you mean?”

But Doflamingo is not so easily led into talking.

“If you wanna chat, hand over Caesar and his heart first.”

“Caesar... no, those SMILEs are that important to you? I guess they are,” Law laughed. “Without the SMILEs, Kaidou’s gonna kill you and it’s all over for you.”

A different sort of attempt at buying time, as Law’s shit-talking made Doflamingo lose his temper and attack. Law shambled his way out of the literal bind but Doflamingo was too quick. It was lucky Fujitora was there because Doflamingo was ready to kill and loot for Caesar’s heart.

Boom went the gravity. Law was pinned to the ground beneath crushing force. (I think I’ve said this before but Fujitora’s power is... it’s just great.)

Doflamingo was like, “Wtf, Fujitora? I almost had him, you party pooper!”

Fujitora, who has played this entire situation suspiciously by-the-book, just said, “Gotta stop you right there, Heavenly Yaksha. I am here to arrest, not execute. Soz.”

Doflamingo had a quiet seethe to himself, then said, “FINE! But I need Caesar’s heart back.” Once Doflamingo stringed the heart into his hands, he cheered up a bit. The odds seemingly in his favour, he was more willing to talk. “By the way, you seem quite curious about that complication I mentioned. You wanna hear about it?”

At this point, I was thinking, “Law, if you do not say yes, I will start flipping tables.”

Luckily, Doflamingo was now in a talkative mood.

“A long time ago - it goes back eight-hundred years, Law - twenty kings from twenty countries came together at the centre of the world and formed one giant organisation. The World Government. The kings who created it decided to move to Mariejois and live there with their families. The Nefertari family of Alabasta refused, so there were nineteen, to be exact. The descendants of those creators who still live there and reign over the world are known as the Celestial Dragons. It means, however, that those nineteen countries lost their royal families eight-hundred years ago. In those countries, they elected new kings out of necessity and new royal families arose. In the case of my country, Dressrosa, the new royalty was the Riku Family. And the old family who moved to Mariejois as the creators of the world was the Donquixote family.”

THE DONQUIXOTE FAMILY.

“But, but, but....” I thought. “Weren’t all Celestial Dragons useless, dangerous spoiled brats like St Charloss and What’s-His-Face who washed up on Fishman Island?” Doflamingo is hyper-competent. How could this be?? Muh prejudices!

I guess that explained the Heavenly Yaksha nickname. Heavenly is similar to celestial, right? I suppose Vergo’s warning to Law, re. lack of knowledge on Doflamingo’s past also makes sense now. Law was technically pitting himself against a Celestial Dragon who can pull World Government-level strings. 

Not only that, but it seems the situation really is complicated.

Because Doflamingo had a bit more to say.

“So you’re called a Celestial Dragon, Doflamingo!” Law raged.

“I was. But not anymore. What is bloodline? What is destiny? I don’t think there are many people who have lived such a chequered life as mine. I wish I could tell the story of my life before I met you, over drinks. But I don’t have time for that. I’ve got to do something about the Strawhats in Dressrosa. I know there are quite a few people who underestimated them and got hurt.”

THANK YOU, ODA!

The plot gods have answered my plea. But these answers have raised only more questions.

1. Doflamingo used to be a Celestial Dragon. Not anymore. What happened? Did he abandon the rank willingly or was it taken from him? The whole “What is bloodline? What is destiny?” stuff is highly suspicious. Makes me think Doflamingo is not a fan of the Celestial Dragons.

2. The Riku Family. They were the ones who took over. They were elected fair and square. Everything seemed to be fine. Until Doflamingo came back to claim the territory his family abandoned eight-hundred years ago. Why return to Dressrosa? The answer to this question is probably tied up with point one.

3. The Nefertari were Originals. Even back then, the future Celestials must have been total moonfruits because the Nefertaris were like, “Ehhhh, nah, you guys go and have a good time on your island.” Imagine being stuck with those losers for eight-hundred years? No thanks.

4. Not underestimating the Strawhats. Doflamingo is smart. He has seen these new whippersnapper pirates topple too many Big Names and institutions to ignore the threat they pose to his territory. I actually cheered when he said this. A villain who can lay aside ego for the sake of the task at hand. I suppose Doflamingo does have the benefit of hindsight. Crocodile never had that luxury.

After that, there was a funny scene with Caesar and a heart-swap (Law still has his heart! Those heat-seeking Karma missiles are locked on Caesar. (LOCK ONNNNN!)) Fujitora also heard a KABOOM of thunder from the direction of the sea, even though the weather was perfectly calm. Law knew that would be Nami. The Strawhats were heading his way.

This was not a good thing.

Amid the chaos, Law made a desperate bid for freedom. Doflamingo pursued. He tried to lure him away but unfortunately, Doflamingo is smart.

Which leads us nicely to...

Debatable, But Okay...

(Side note: I loved how Toei segued seamlessly from Doflamingo’s sinister villain reveal laughter to Brook’s cheerful deceit laughter in 653. Did me a big lol there.)

And at first it seemed like Brook had found a new pal on Sunny. Not only that... he had betrayed the Strawhats? Surely not?

Had Soul King placed his art above his solid gold friendships with Nami and Chopper? Why was he hanging with Giolla? This was an outrage!

Giolla wanted to surprise Law (and gain Donquixote points) by picking up Caesar in Sunny instead of the Strawhats. Oh, what an excellent day it had turned out to be. Her latest art transformation depicted the tragedy of Dressrosa so perfectly! And it would only take ten more minutes for Nami, Chopper and Momonosuke to become part of her art and suffocate.

Like a total rookie, she babbled her plan to Brook, who smiled (if he could smile) and nodded and played the perfect gentleman. In the background, the others wailed and lamented Brook deserting them for art.

“May I play a song to celebrate?” he asked.

“Of course!”

“Then could you turn my violin and bow back to normal, please?”

Oh, Brook, you absolute legend. As soon as Giolla made that fatal error, Brook said, “You see this violin? There’s a cane sword inside. I already cut you.”

Suddenly, Brook was the hero! (Brook is always the hero.) Imagine doubting him, Nami and Chopper, you silly sausages!

There was a bit I didn’t like much that followed when they bickered over who would cuff Giolla. Nami demanded that Brook or Chopper did it, which was ridiculous because they are Devil Fruit eaters. If they touched those cuffs, their strength would sap and Giolla could overpower them. Nami, you should have done it. Doesn’t matter if you think you’re a coward or you view yourself as weak, you should have taken one for the team there. Not cool.

They spent so much time bickering, Giolla woke up and they missed the opportunity to restrain her. They were forced into fighting. Which was actually kind of good, in the end. Nami, Chopper and Brook used their heads to outsmart Giolla’s Giant Picasso Form and fire a Gaon Cannon bolt. Then Momonosuke shanked her from behind when she was down. Nami finished her off with a thunderbolt.

Teamwork, amirite?

Unfortunately, Fujitora heard the thunderbolt and told Doflamingo. So when they sailed round to Green Bit to collect Law and Caesar, Chopper saw the horrendous sight of Doflamingo approaching at speed through his binoculars.

I hope he recovers soon.

Who Says Zoro Can’t Compromise?

Once again, the Strawhats have split up. Usopp and Robin have reunited with Franky at the King Riku Army HQ beneath Flower Field. Zoro originally left with Wicka to check in on Sunny and rescue the others from Giolla, but met Sanji and Foxfire on the way.

Wick was like, “Who dat?”

In keeping with the Legendary Heroes names, Zoro introduced Sanji and Foxfire as Spiral-Brows-land and Topknot-Land (lmao)

Zoro updated Sanji on the dire situation on Sunny. Of course, Sanji was intent on rescuing Nami and the others, so Zoro stayed behind with Foxfire to find Luffy.

Then Violet appeared like a ninja from the shadows to tell him Giolla had hijacked Sunny. How did she know this?

Turns out she has a Very Useful Power.

Clairvoyance. It usually means seeing into the future, but it can also mean gaining information about a person, including their location, through extra-sensory perception. Nice. For Violet, this means she can see things within a 4000km radius, top-down, as a bird would. She is a walking surveillance satellite and can see everything going on in Dressrosa. She guided Sanji to Sunny and updated him on what was going on in Sunny. 

Like I said, a Very Useful Power.

But, since it is a Very Useful Power, the Donquixote Crew are not pleased that she’s betrayed them. Back at the palace, a new character called Gladius is Very Upset. Since he despises and wishes death upon people who cannot follow plans and are not punctual, I’m guessing Violet has used up her two strikes already and is dead to this hilarious weirdo. 

(Why does his hair explode?)

Violet eventually picked up Sunny and informed Sanji the dreadfully bad news that Sunny had been struck by lightning. She was puzzled when Sanji did not react as expected. Instead, he boosted with fury to the ship, where, I expect, he was surprised to find Doflamingo doing the exact same thing.

“Watch this, Law!” Doflamingo laughed. “I will viciously slay your allies right before your eyes!”

Doflamingo sure knows how to turn the thumb screws and punish people, doesn’t he?

But Sanji was like, “NOT TODAY, SATAN!”

He smashed shins with Doflamingo.

And I cheered.

Sanji, you have just gained all your cool points back. I forgive you for being distracted by Violet.

(Oh, and I almost forgot to mention that Bartolomeo recognised Zoro and totally splooshed on sight.)

Rebecca and Cavendish: You Beautiful Legends!

Now Doflamingo has spilled some of the beans on his past, his treatment of Rebecca is odd. If he wanted to get rid of the Riku Family, he could have easily killed her years ago. It’s almost like he wants to drag their memory and reputation thoroughly through the mud. If it’s a propaganda campaign, it makes sense. Keep the people blind to what’s been going on by dangling the scapegoat in front of them. But this is a cruel and unusual punishment. It’s almost like he actually *hates* the Riku family. Or am I reading way too much into this?

In the first scene of 652, Rebecca walked out into the ring. The way Oda had the crowd behave - reduced to shadows, red-eyed, shrieking, inhumane shapes - might be a dig at the sorts of people who love blood sports. Animals and humans risking their lives to entertain uncaring humans and prop up gambling industries.

The insults they hurled at Rebecca were harsh. “Drop dead, Rebecca!” “Foul blooded!” “Today’s your execution day!” “The shame of Dressrosa!” And the worst one, for some reason, “Set her on fire! That’ll make her pyro grandfather happy.”

Ooft. 

Well, it was pretty disgusting, and I wasn’t the only one who thought so.

Enter Cavendish on his Farul, his white horse.

Ohhhhhh, he was not happy. Not happy at all. He heaped abuse on the crowd and called out their rank hypocrisy.

“ENOUGH! I don’t care why you hate her so much but she’s a young woman who stands in the ring putting her life on the line. You guys are not risking yoru lives so you have no right to jeer at her. If you really want to kill her, take a weapon and come down to the ring yourself! The voices of people who have no guts are nothing but irritating noise! I have my reasons for entering this competition, but even so, I cannot stomach it. The lives and deaths of warriors are not a show!”

Well, Cabbage just earned himself some major cool points there. I was like, “YOU TELL ‘EM, CABBAGE! NO MERCY!”

Even Luffy agreed. “Oh, Cabbage spoke up and said the right thing. I’m impressed!”

Well.. sort of. 

“Still don’t like him, though.” (Lmao, Luffy.)

Cavendish’s impromptu speech had an interesting effect on the crowd. They still hate Rebecca but instead of focusing their abuse on her, they decided they would use all that energy to support Cavendish, instead. 

It’s a win-win situation. Rebecca can kick-ass in peace and Cavendish, well, since the crowd started chanting his name, he had a tear-filled, “YOU LOVE ME! YOU REALLY LOVE ME!” moment. 

He’s already contemplating his media strategy.

Classic Cavendish.

When Doflamingo’s here, and you feel the end is near. 

Diarrhea. Diarrhea.

[ericahitshawaii]

Mantas and dolphins and whales, oh my!

Today I start my adventure on the big island!  The Big Island is probably most known for its active volcanoes and the recent eruption of Mount Kiluaea in 2018.  Because of the tectonic plates on earth, the Hawaiian island are actually moving Northwest over over a “hot spot” of volcanic activity.  Over 5 million years ago this hot spot formed the oldest of the Hawaiian islands, Kauai (at the north of the chain).  As the islands shift north, the volcanic activity slows and eventually stops and the surface begins to erode, which is why Kauai is smaller than the southern most island.  The Big Island, which is the most “southernly” island, is the youngest (One million years old) and the most volcanically active, due to its proximity to the hot spot.  Currently, another Hawaiian island is formed under the Pacific called Loini and if any of us live to be 10,000, we might be able to visit it.

I flew into Kona on Wednesday evening.  I am in love with the Kona airport.  If I thought the Kahului airport was “open air” then this airport is basically outside.  It is completely open air, with some roofage.  So amazing.

Kona Airport (KOA)

I very excitingly went to pick up my rental car, so no more bus adventures for me.  I forgot how luxurioius and freeing it is have a car.  I never did it in Australia because I was scared t drive on the wrong side, but not a problem here.  It’s also such a life upgrade to have a car that DOES NOT have a tape player.  Modern technology is awesome.  Thanks Kia Rio!

Ok, anyway, I checked into my hostel, aptly names “My Hawaii Hostel.”  If I thought the last one was halfway decent, then I will need to severely downgrade it compared to this one.  This hostel had furniture other than a bed, decorations on the walls, a rug and multiple pillows and blankets.  I know that sounds like a given in a hotel room, but not in a hostel.  Absolutely dreamy!  The hostel itself is absolutely charming with a little garden and an open aiir living room and lots of outdoor seating, just a few minutes walk from the beach.  I am living my best Hawaiian life, for real this time!

My Hawaii Hostel, Ali’i Road, Kona

Patio area outside my room.

My room.

Thursday morning I headed off for the next phase of the ocean part of my trip.  I signed up for a morning “Ocean encounters” tour and a Night “Manta Ray Swim” trip.  

Note: You are going to be disappointed again by the lack of photos, because I bought an underwater disposable camera for the trip, but some of you may remember, that you have to get those photos developed.  (I actually am unsure of how I’m going to do that in this modern age, but that is a future me problem.  Anyway, the tour company promises to post some photos in the next few days, so there will be another update post once I have those.  But keep reading, it still is exciting and there is a sweet video I took that you should see!)

The morning snorkeling tour started out with swimming with spinner dolphins!! So, wild dolphins are the best.  They are nocturnal, so we were visitng them during their daytime nap time.  Hilariously, while they are sleeping they still swim on the bottom in a big pack.  I have no idea how they do this.  How fascinating.  Anyway a few of them woke up and swam up ot the surface to say hi.  When we got into the water they headed down towards the bottom again.  It was amazing to snorkel right above big pods of dolphins.  There must have been at least 20 in some of the bigger pods and there were several pods around us.  Just as a few more of them were waking up and coming to the surface, our captain said we had to go.  I’ll be honest, I was pissed.  I had dreams of high-fiving a dolphin and Captain Taylor was ruining my dream.  But I’m glad he did,because what happened next was SOOO worth it!

Next we headed out to a site where whales had recently been spotted.  When we arrived, we discovered there were several large whales around and a BABY WHALE.  This whale was only about a month old and still absolutely gigantic.  The baby whale was splashing around in the water very close to us.  Just like a human toddler, it seemed to be having a blast splashing aorund, trying to breach (jump out of the water) and stick its head up.  It was still really floppy and uncoordinated in the water, which was absolutely adorable.  It was so funny to see a whale just playing around.  I don’t know how it had so much energy to do all that.

Eventually we saw the mam whale  pop up around the whale, apparently keeping her eye on it and maybe helping from below with its practice breaches.  While we were distracted by the baby whale someone yelled out that there was another whale further off that was breaching.  (Whales often will breach several time in a row, because they are communicating with other whales and trying to get their attention.)  I looked over just in time to see a huge whale breach completely out of the water.  It was one of the greatest things I’ve ever seen.  It was like it was happening in slow motion. It’s entire body was up in the air and it seemed like it just hung there until it crashed back into the ocean with a huge splash.  Just like on Animal Planet!  I thought I had really seen it all until we looked back over at the playing baby whale and realized Mama had surfaced on our side.

All of s sudden I see her huge humpback surface like it is facing us.  It is coming right for our boat.  Right in fron of us, she lifts her tail and dives right under the boat.  I was both incredible and a little scary!  Seeing her SO CLOSE to us, it is astonishing how huge they are.  Just her back was probably as tall as the deck of the boat and she was easily twice as long.  It was shocking to see her giant tail come out of the water right in front of us.  Despite my fear that she miht capsize the boat, the crew said that they are insanely spatially aware and can get within inches of a boat and not hit it.  They have sonar like bats.  When I say this was a bucket list activity, I would almost say this was better than what I imagined being on my bucket list.  Even the crew was freaking out and taking video and photos.  They said that never happens. I will remember that moment for as long as I live.  I do have a video of the encounter.  Honestly, it doesn’t do it justice, but you can kind of see what I’m talking about.  Watch here: 

https://photos.app.goo.gl/QTA9JieqQdEWPfag6

Now as if that wasn’t enough, we went to a third spot to find Manta Rays.   We made a quick pit stop at an amazing place along the coast known as the Grotto.  It’s the outlet to the sea for a large series of lava tubes that run miles underneath the island.  The waters were the most incredible aqua color and crystal clear.

The Grotto

To add to the incredible day, we ran into two huge manta rays (In case you are worried they are not sting rays...who killed the crocodile hunter.  They are harmless plankton eaters.  One of our guides said we found his favorite manta named Amanda Ray.  She is the friendliest and has one bent fin.  Both mantas were about 10 feet long.  They can actually grow to have a to 15 foot wingspan.  They are beautiful to watch.  We hoppped in the water and snorkeled with them.  They looked like they were flying on the bottom of the ocean, completely gracefully.  This was preview for that evening.

After the snorkel adventure I decided to head to the beach.  I’m not really a beach person, but figured I should do it once.  I went to what they call a dark gray sand beach, which is half white sand and half black volcanic sand.  How do gray and black sand beaches form?  Well, when the hot lava hits the cool water it basically explodes and shatters like glass, spewing small particles of lava rock, which eventually breakdown into small pebbles and sand like particles.  The beach was very rough, but beautiful.  Its incredible to see the lava rock solidify in the form it was when it flowed into the ocean.  Very surreal.

Lava rocks at Kahalu’u Beach

After lunch and beach chill, I headed back to the marina for the night manta swim.  For this one, they take you out onto big boogie board looking things with lights.  Here’s a photo I did not take, that demonstrates this:

The lights on the bottom of the board attract plankton, which then attracts other fish and manta rays.  This was both an awesome and miserable experience.  The weather up to this point had been absolutely perfect.  *0m degrees and sunny everyday.  However, storms had come in that night and it was cold and raining.  The water was freezing, but the experience was still pretty great.  One of the coolest things that I didn't expect was that the lights also drew in tones of fish.  There were a bunch of fish that looked kind of like big sardines that swarmed around us in big schools, it was really interesting to be that close to so many fish.  The highlight of the trip was that a big manta swam right next to me and did a backflip to eat the plankton right under the board.  They have awesome white bellies and gills and huge gaping mouths.  Its really otherworldly.

After the manta show we headed back to the boat for the long and extremely rocky trip back to the marina.  I generally have a pretty good stomach for boat rides, but this was a rough one.  I had taken Dramamine earlier, just in case, and still feeling like I might lose my lunch.  It was close to a repeat of the Great Barrier Reef puke episode but disaster was avoided, thank goodness!

All in all, a dream of a day.  I am officially hooked on snorkeling and boating, in general.  Who knew I’d be such a water baby.  I spent most of my life avoiding getting my hair wet.  

Next stop:  Farm tour day in Southern Kona.

[crossinginstyle]

Real (A Post-Ep Fix-It Fic)

This is just a crappy, rambling one-shot of what I think some of the aftermath of the finale should have been. Because GIDEON MATTERS, OKAY?!

I almost didn’t even post it...but here ya go!! Lol. Enjoy!

Title: Real Rating: G Word Count: 3,361 Summary: Rogers is feeling uncertain and out of place in the aftermath of the new curse, until he meets someone that reminds him that he does have purpose of his own.

“I’m not…entirely sure about all this.”

“Not sure about what, Starfish?” Rogers asked.

They were taking a walk around Storybrooke, enjoying the ability to simply be near one another after so many years. With the new curse happening, and everyone working to build a new – permanent – life in this odd combination of the Enchanted Forest and Maine, there had yet to be much time to simply breathe and come to terms with everything.

Alice herself had been busy, which Rogers understood wholeheartedly. She was finally getting to start a life with Robin, which was exciting, and he understood how that happiness left little room for anything else.

So he was that much more grateful when she made a point to spend time alone with him, and he made sure he was always available when she did. He didn’t mind sharing her with Robin, who he was rapidly beginning to love as a daughter in her own right, but he was still thrilled to have her undivided attention occasionally.

“This,” Alice continued, flapping her arms. “Storybrooke. I mean, it’s a nice town, but it’s weird, ya know? Having all the realms together like this. I actually kinda liked Seattle.”

Hyperion Heights was the one “realm” that the curse couldn’t bring to Storybrooke, because it was filled with people who didn’t exist in any book. Rogers had wanted to call the station and put in his resignation properly, but Regina had talked him out of it. What point was there? There was no way he could explain that he was not returning, nor were Weaver, or the well-known bar owner, Roni.

The thought of Weaver sent a pang through him. It wasn’t always easy to reconcile the imp he’d spent centuries trying to kill with the soft-spoken detective he admired so much as Detective Rogers. He knew…knew that Rumplestiltskin was with his wife in the afterlife. There was absolutely no justice in the worlds if it were not so. But damn him, he missed Weaver. Missed his sardonic humor and infuriating habit of knowing everything.

It was easy to feel lonely and out of place here, in the world where he was simply the other Hook. The “Nook.” He’d taken to insisting he be called Rogers to help differentiate himself from other version. The one everyone saw as real.

“I liked Seattle too,” he said, realizing he’d been silent too long and his daughter was looking at him funny.

“It was easier to blend in,” Alice said. “I get now what Robin meant when she told me everyone knows everyone’s business in Storybrooke.”

“I suppose we could always go back to Hyperion Heights,” Rogers said. “It wouldn’t be easy, explaining Roni and Weaver’s disappearances.”

“No,” Alice said, shaking her head. “You’d look too suspicious and I just got you back! I’m not having you sent off to jail. Besides, like Robin said, we can’t be who we are there. We can here.”

To illustrate her point, she made ice cream cones appear in both their hands with a wave of her fingers.

“True,” Rogers said, smiling. And he’d never want Alice to pretend to be anyone but herself. Regina and Emma Swan had been working with her, making sure she knew how to properly control her powers, but it wasn’t really necessary. Regina had confided in him that Alice was stronger than she and Emma combined, and her control was quite good. And Alice had confided in him that she didn’t care for their tutelage, missing the lessons she’d received from Rumple.

She missed him too. He could see it when people mentioned him, speaking of him as this awe-inspiring hero. Rogers was glad no one spoke ill of him anymore…except for his better half.

“So the Dark One is gone for good?” Hook had said soon after the new curse was struck, when Regina told him and Emma and had happened. “Guess he wasn’t such a crocodile in the end, but I can’t say I’ll miss the old bastard. Things have been so much more peaceful here since they left town.”

“How dare you!” Alice had exclaimed, startling everyone. “Rumple was a hero, and my friend! Some of us will miss him you…you…copycat!”

“Copycat?” Hook asked in puzzlement.

Rogers put an arm around his daughter to calm her. “I think what she means is, we’d rather you not speak ill of our friend, aye?”

“Friend,” Hook scoffed, ignoring his wife’s warning look. “How the devil can you say that? After everything he’s put us through?”

“And everything we put him through?” Rogers asked. “If you…we…are so-called reformed, we have no real right to bring up any of his past misdeeds, do we? All I care about now is that he gave his life for mine, so that she,” he looked down at Alice. “Wouldn’t have to lose her father. He risked his soul to be sure his worse self couldn’t hurt anyone else.”

Regina had put an end to the argument after that, but it hadn’t quelled the dislike between the two “Hooks.” Luckily Storybrooke was now a very big place, and it was fairly easy to avoid him, so long as they stuck to the Wish Realm area. But today Alice had wanted to walk around Storybrooke, and they did, so Rogers just hoped they didn’t run into any Sheriffs or their husbands.

 “Think you’ll be a detective here?” Alice asked, as they each finished off their dripping ice cream cones over a trash can. Once they were done, she vanished the mess on their hands.  

“I believe Sheriff Jones and her husband do pretty much everything, with the help of her parents.”

“But they can’t do everything,” Alice protested. “Not now that there are so many realms. And isn’t a little strange that the police department is run by a single family?”

Rogers shrugged. “I’m technically the same person as the sheriff’s husband, love.”

Alice glared at him hotly. “You’re nothing like him, Papa! I don’t care if he has your face, you couldn’t be more different if you tried!”

He chuckled. “Thanks Starfish, I needed to hear that.”

“Hey, look,” she pointed up at a sign that read Mr. Gold’s Pawnshop.

“Did you want to go in there?” he asked.

“Don’t you know? Rumple was Mr. Gold here, under the original curse. Robin says that was his shop for other thirty years.

Rogers looked at the sign again. “A pawnshop owner? Weaver?”

Alice chuckled. “Robin said she doesn’t remember him very much before he and Belle left town, but she said he always wore suits. Like full on tie and everything. All the time. Regina said it’s true, and he walked with a cane back then that he sometimes used as a weapon when people pissed him off. And during the curse he was this creepy, suave dealmaker.”

“Well that sounds like him,” Rogers said. “And so do the suits, honestly. He was always so obsessed with his clothes in the Enchanted Forest. All the frills and leather. The denim on denim never suited him.”

“Do you realize that as soon as his memory came back, he started wearing leather jackets?”

Rogers laughed. “I know, because he damn well stole one of mine!”

“He didn’t! Like a girlfriend?!”

“Oh God, he would kill you for saying that!”

They stood there laughing like a pair of loons, ignoring the look they got from that old woman who owned the diner.

“Hey who’s that?” Alice asked suddenly, ceasing her hysterical laughter in an instant the way only she seemed to be able to.

“Who’s who?”

“Him! That guy looking in the window.”

Sure enough, there was a man about Alice’s age peering into the window of the door to Mr. Gold’s Pawnshop, testing the lock as he did. Rogers heart gave a peculiar thump at the sight of him, though he didn’t know why.

“Is he trying to break in?” Alice asked.

“Surely not in the middle of the day,” Rogers said. “But I’ll find out. Stay here.”

Law enforcer face on, Rogers crossed the street to the pawnshop, not bothering to quiet his footsteps, but the young man didn’t seem to hear, intent as he was on picking the lock.

“Anything I can help you with?” Rogers asked, causing the man to jump and spin around.

“Oh! Hi…um…sorry…I just…” the man peered at him, suddenly suspicious, glancing at his artificial hand. “Are you Hook?”

Rogers huffed a chuckle. “A version of him, though not the one you’re probably thinking of. I’m from the Wish Realm.”

“Ah!” his eyes lit in recognition. “Papa wrote to me about you! Maybe you know then where he is?”

“Papa?” Rogers asked. “Who are you, lad?”

He smiled in embarrassment. “Sorry! Forgive me, I’m Gideon Gold.”

“Gold…” Rogers looked above the lad’s head to the sign. “You’re…Rumplestiltskin’s son?”

Gideon nodded proudly. “I am. Papa said in a letter that he’d met you, and he liked you a lot better than the other Hook. I was just at school when suddenly the curse hit, and brought us all here. Everyone says Regina did it, to unite the realms. As soon as I found out, I came here. I thought…I thought Papa might be here. It was a longer journey than I thought…it would…be…” Gideon trailed off, seeming to read something in Roger’s face. “Do you know where he is?”

By this time, Alice had ignored her father’s orders to stay put and had joined them. “You’re Gideon,” she said. “I’m Alice. Your Papa told me about you.”

Gideon grinned, but it was shaky, like he knew what they were about to tell him, but wanted to avoid hearing it. “He told me about you, too! He said you reminded him a little of my mother.”

Alice beamed upon hearing that, knowing what it meant for Rumple to have said such a thing to his son.

For Roger’s part, he was confused. Weaver had never mentioned having another son. Rogers knew about Baelfire, of course, but he never knew that Rumplestiltskin and Belle had had a child. It was puzzling to him that a man as passionate about his family as Rogers knew he was, that he never would have spoken of him all the while he knew he was dying after The Dark One took his immortality. But he also didn’t understand the uncanny feeling that he did know this boy.

Alice stepped forward, taking one of Gideon’s hands. “I’m sorry to have to tell you this…” she said. “He…Rumple…”

“Did he do it?” Gideon asked hopefully, his eyes bright like a child’s. “Did he find a way back to Mama?”

“He did,” Roger’s said, firmly, because he wouldn’t let this boy think for a minute that there was any doubt.

Pain lanced through Gideon features, but he was still smiling. “I never doubted he would. Were you the Guardian?” he asked Alice.

“I was,” Alice said. “But Rumple wouldn’t let me do it. He didn’t want to give me immortality.”

“He wouldn’t let me, either. He loved you, you know, I could tell from his letters. I know what most people thought of him, but once you were in my Papa’s heart, he doesn’t let you go.”

“I know,” Alice whispered, tears rolling down her cheeks. “I loved him too.”

“But if there was no Guardian…”

“He did it to save me,” Roger’s interrupted. “He traded his life, risked his chance to get back to your mother, all to save my life…” he took Alice’s other hand. “To keep Alice from losing her father. To save all of us. He uh…he gave me his heart.

Gideon glanced automatically at Roger’s chest, but he was still smiling, though it was now joined by tears. “Like I said…once you’re in his heart…”

“I have something,” Alice said, waving her hand, making a porcelain teacup appear in her palm. She’d explained to Rogers what that cup had meant to Rumple, and Rogers was assailed by an image of Weaver painstakingly gluing the pieces back together after it had been broken.

“He gave this to me,” she said, cradling it gently, and Roger’s heart broke. That cup had been given a spot of honor on her and Robin’s mantle, and he knew she loved it. “Oh! And there’s this…Regina found it…” she waved her other hand, and a book appeared.

“Mama’s travel book!” Gideon exclaimed, opening it and grinning to see a picture of his parents, with a baby that was presumably him sitting between them.

Rogers craned his neck to look. He’d never actually seen a picture of Belle before. And damn. Nice work, Weaver.

Gideon took the cup, and smiled fondly at it for a moment before handing it back to Alice. “If Papa gave this to you, it means you truly are someone special to him. You should keep it.”

“A…are you sure?” Alice said, cradling it back to her chest possessively.

“I’m sure,” Gideon said. “I have this,” he held up the book. “Plus a million memories,” he sighed, shifting from foot to foot, before glancing back at the shop. “I guess I’ll…head back to school. I’ll be graduating soon! But I…”

Roger’s watched the boy’s shoulders slump, and he looked at Alice imploringly, hoping she knew better than he what to do.

“Do you have to go right away?” she asked. “My fiancée, Robin is making dinner. She’s a great cook. My papa’s coming to dinner…won’t you join us?”

For a moment Gideon looked like he would politely refuse, so Rogers spoke up. “Come on, lad. I hear most schools have suspended lessons right now while the dust settles. I’d like to hear more about your father. The real one. The one we knew.”

“I’d like that,” Gideon said at last.

 After dinner, Rogers headed home, and invited Gideon along to stay the night, since it was too late to be heading back to Elfin Academy.

“She does remind me a bit of her,” Gideon said as they walked along the sidewalk, heading out of town. “Alice I mean. She reminds me a little of my mother. Mostly that unending positivity.”

“That’s Alice,” Rogers said proudly. “And from what I understand, your mother always saw the best in people. Alice is like that.”

“No wonder Papa was so fond of her,” Gideon said.

They were silent for a time, before Gideon spoke up again, barely more than a whisper. “I’m an orphan now.”

“So am I,” Rogers said, just as quietly.

Gideon chuckled, but it was without any humor. “I have no one. No one. I have a few friends at school, but not that many people have been able to look past the fact that I’m the son of the Dark One. I get that it was what he wanted. I wanted it for him. My father had been alive an unimaginable amount of time. He deserves to be at peace, damn it.”

“So, you wonder why you’re so angry?” Rogers offered

Gideon glared at him, but it quickly melted into a look of helplessness. “I was still here. He wasn’t alone, even without Mama.”

“No, he wasn’t,” Rogers said. “And I hope it comforts you some to know he wasn’t alone when he died.”

“That’s something. I just wish I could have been there too.”

They were quiet a little longer, while Rogers tried to figure out what to say. “I’ve never been in love. Not really. The love your parents shared, real and genuine True Love…that’s something I can hardly imagine. It must have been hell for him, trying to live without her.”

“It was,” Gideon agreed. “I do understand. I do. I want to feel that kind of love someday.”

“You will. Alice told you Rumplestiltskin wouldn’t let her become the guardian to save her mortality. She told me he said to her that she deserved to grow older and fall in love. And she has. You will too, in time.”

Gideon shrugged. “Maybe, but I think a love like my parents’ doesn’t come along that often.”

“You may be right there.”

They continued on, leaving the confines of Storybrooke, and entering the area designated as “The Enchanted Forest.”

“Why don’t you and I go back to the pawnshop tomorrow?” Rogers asked. “It’s technically yours, right? Who knows what we could find in that place.”

“I’d like that,” Gideon said, smiling. “And…Rogers? I’m glad my Papa had friends, real friends, before he…went.”

Rogers smiled back. “Aye. And Gideon? You don’t have to be alone, now. You do have family.”

Gideon snorted. “Do I?”

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t Henry your uncle? There are at least two Henrys running around this place. And, well, I’m fairly sure your father adopted Alice and Robin as his daughters.”

Gideon squinted at Rogers from the corner of his eye. “Are you my stepdad?”

Rogers grimaced and laughed. “Let’s not. All I mean is, you don’t have to be alone, lad. You have us now. And Alice has taken a shine to you, and let me tell you, once that girl gets hold of you, she does not let you go!”

 But the truth was, Rogers did care intensely for Gideon, almost as much as he did for Alice. The possible reasoning didn’t come to him until later that night, as he tried to sleep.

Rumplestiltskin’s heart.

It beat in his chest, alongside his own. It beat for the love of his family. Alice, Robin, Henry, Lucy, Regina…Gideon.

Rogers didn’t know how he would ever be able to explain it to anyone, let alone the boy, but he thought maybe Gideon guessed already.

Rumple’s heart or no…the man had cared for Alice at a time when Rogers was unable, and Rogers could do no less for his son.

That night he dreamed, and in his dream he saw Rumplestiltskin, looking younger and happier than he’d ever seen him, flanked on either side by a petite, stunning woman in a golden dress, and a taller man who resembled both Rumple and Gideon in ways.

He didn’t speak, but Rogers was given a feeling of gratitude, and heard without words, “Take care of them for us…old friend.”

When Rogers awoke, he felt calmer, more assured, since he had since he awoke in Hyperion Heights.

He didn’t know what he was going to do with his life, whether he’d be a cop or a sailor or something else entirely. He didn’t know if he would ever find love like Rumplestiltskin and Belle. But he didn’t care about living opposite the other Hook anymore. He was real. And he had purpose.

Starting with the twenty-year-old boy sheepishly rummaging through his pantry. He was going to buy the boy breakfast at Granny’s, and then drag him along to shop for a wedding dress for Alice. Later they’d go to Mr. Gold’s Pawnshop. Maybe hunt down a Henry or two.

Don’t worry, mate, he thought to himself, patting his chest. “I’ll make you proud.”

[harritudur]

rpf . jodie comer/jacob collins-levy . 3 155 words . rating M

note: as I promised, here my Jodie x Jacob smut. I tried to not turn this into a gratuitous smutty fic and so, I decided to add some fluff as well lol :) For @thefairfleming​ who gave me the courage to write and to post this shit fic (again, i apologize for the typos and my bad english)

-

Jodie couldn’t remember why she had ever thought it would be a good idea to start in the first place. Sometimes she blamed it on drink, on the nice French Rosé. And then, the annoying voice in the back of her head that sounded a little like her Mum telling her to stop being such a naive fool. She should have been enough of an adult to admit to her mistakes.

The thing was, she couldn’t find it in herself to stop.

-

Two weeks before, Jodie’s computer began to ring with the sounds of a Skype call from Jacob. Her former co-star whom she hadn’t made the least attempt to contact when she was still in the UK and he, in L.A. -or Australia maybe? They were not been in touch often recently. “Hello, Miss Comer,” he said, and then checked his watch. “It’s almost 7pm in L.A.! What are you doing up at such an ungodly hour?” “Working!” she replied proudly, showing to the camera the recent script she received for a new play in London. “What about you?” “Well, I am keep selling my soul in Hollywood for the sake of my career”. There was a hint of something in his voice that she can’t decipher, and yet it made her nervous. "I heard you were in the US recently and you didn’t even call me?” “Well, I wasn’t technically in the US,” Jodie said, taking a sip of her nocturnal tea. (British habits die hard) “I was in New York.” “East coast superiority problem,” he snorted, and he got this unreadable expression on his face. “How is England?” “Damp. And lovely,” she said, smiling brightly. “I will be there soon. To visit my father’s side of the family. It’s been a while… Can I come visit you at some point as well?” Jodie was slightly taken aback. He’d never asked if he could come visit. They’d been mostly cut off from each other since he’d gone to Los Angeles. “Yeah, Jake. Sure. If you felt like it.” “I will,” he said. “You mark my words, I will.”

-

To be honest, she wasn’t expecting him to show up. But, Jacob had always been hyperactive, a touch unpredictable and adventurous (she liked to call him Crocodile Dundee on set, just for the tease), so she was only about sixty percent surprised when he called her from Heathrow. “Jodz,” he said, “why aren’t you here to pick me up?” “Probably because you didn’t tell me you were coming! But I’ll come now.” She grabbed her keys and ran out the door before she could even think about what she was doing. Luckily for him, she moved to London the last week –a better decision for her career. “Finally,” Jacob said as she burst through the door at the airport, scrubbing a hand through his hair like he had just woken up from a long nap. “Finally, she shows up.” “Do you have any idea how far Heathrow is from London, Jacob!” Jodie said, trying to ignore the conspicuous lump in her throat and the way her heart rate sped up a little when he stepped forward and gave her a massive bear hug. “Missed you, Jodz,” he whispered in her ear, and suddenly, yup, there they all were, all those crazy feelings that she hadn’t let herself express for all those months she’d co-starred with him. “Missed you too, Jacob,” she said, and now she regretted not calling him while she was in the US.

-

True to form, he had no interest in actually sitting down for a proper meal, so they managed to navigate the interminable Tube of London for some takeaway Indian food that didn’t look like it would give them food poisoning. They sat on the floor in Jodie’s flat she just rented, cardboard boxes everywhere (and Jacob couldn’t believe how much of an improvement it was over any flat for a comparable -or even more expensive- price in Los Angeles) and chewed down. Just like old times in their trailers.

She brought out from her fridge a bottle of cheap French Rosé and they’d swapped stories about friends, family, one-night stands. He’d let her listen to a few songs on his ipod. She’d teased him about his Californian tan. She’d talked about Glastonbury Festival. He’d regretted to not have been there with her. They’d drunk the bottle dry.

Jodie hadn’t felt much nostalgia or sadness for her many former co-stars, realizing she’d gone off and lost touch with many of them. And more important, she’d had the possibility to meet them in London when she wished to. But now, she was nostalgic and sad -she didn’t know how much she missed him and how much she hated suddenly the Atlantic & the Pacific Oceans (and the Indian one too!). Jodie wasn’t aware that Jacob had been staring at her the whole time as she looked contemplatively in to her rice. “Jodz,” he said, “are you okay?” She exhaled, and looked back up at him. “Yeah, I’m alright. Just… missing the old days, you know?” There was a beat of silence. He smiled wistfully, which was an ability Jodie didn’t believe that people could develop before the age of thirty. “Yeah,” he said. “Me too. That’s why I’m here, I suppose.” “So you came all this way to sit on my floor and eat curry with me, and I suppose you’re flying back tomorrow in time for… your family right? Or an audition maybe? An event? Or a romantic dinner with whoever you are hooking up with?” The twinge of bitterness that Jodie heard in her voice was unintended, and she almost apologized to him right there. He laughed, harsh and bitter, like she’d never heard him laugh before. “God, we’ve been out of touch, haven’t we Jodie? No one is waiting for me in my cold cold bed.” “I’m sorry…” and instinctively, she reached out for him and grabbed his hand. Jacob sighed. “I miss you.” “Same, Jake.” “You’ve done an awful good job of hiding it.” “Oh come on,” Jodie said, reeling. “We’ve both been busy. I’ve been doing auditions and some new projects are in the coming. I’m an actress. It’s my job! I could say the same about you.” “I just thought… I just thought we were…” Jacob said, struggling to finish. Never once in her life, she had seen him at such a loss for words. If it weren’t for the emotional gravitas that she suspected the situation deserved, she would have whipped out her phone and taken a video. “Friends?” Jodie supplied, trying her best to be helpful. “Friends?” Jacob practically yelled back at her, his hands shaking. “Oh, sod it.” He got up and made his way towards the door. “Jacob,” she said, popping up and running after him, stopping him just short of her front entranceway, “what the hell?” “Friends, huh Jodie? Right, because I’m going to fly all the way across the goddamn Oceans for someone who I like as a friend. I don’t understand how you could possibly be so thick!” Quieter, he continued, his sharp blue eyes on her. “Did you really just want to be friends this whole time?”

A pause.

“No…” Jodie just managed, and finally, here, she was being perfectly honest; she was addressing the feelings that Jacob gave her, and everything that she missed about the last year and him most of all. “No, I didn’t not want to be just friends, but I felt that our hands were a little tied. There was this whole unspoken rule about not dating your co-star, and I had commitments in the UK and you had your life in Australia and then… then I just wasn’t around anymore, and you deserve more than a girlfriend half a world away, and you deserve to have a great career as well, and… it’s like life just kept getting in the way. Bad timing or whatever it is. But, yeah, the way I dreamed about you or us or… the things I managed to think up… it was just, you know? Just a dream…”

Based on the look Jacob was giving her at this exact second, Jodie could’t decide if he was going to kiss her, or storm out her flat door. But the next thing she knew he is crushing himself against her, arms wrapped around her waist and lips against hers. She felt his tongue prodding her lips, and she opened her mouth to him and mentally fist-pumped, and then shivered when he ran his tongue across hers and gently slipped his fingers under the hem of her t-shirt. The feeling of his fingers on her skin made her mind spin with anticipation. He pulled away, looked at her kind of funny, and said, “Is someone else dropping by tonight?” What? Oh yes, we are in London, she realized, and a Saturday night, and I have friends in the city. “No. No Jake… there’s not anyone coming, if that’s what you’re implying…” “Good,” he whispered, “because I am taking you to bed and we are not leaving there for a while.” “Oh,” Jodie said, and hoped that she wasn’t making too much of a dopey happy face. Then she was the one kissing him. An impulsive action –and she thought that she still had some part of Lizzie in her head when she did it. They had kissed so many times before. But this, this felt different from the working-friendly snogs they had shared in front of the crew ~for the job. The kiss tasted of darkness and the metallic hint of danger and excitement. It tasted new. She’d say that the drink had made her just the slightest bit reckless, but it wasn’t true. Not entirely.

She walked him back through her rented apartment. He stopped her somewhere in the middle of her living room not far away from their abandoned dinner (waste of good Indian food, she thought) and kissed her again, and something about how his hands were once again under her shirt and rubbing against her low back made her knees go conspicuously weak. Jacob took advantage of that and subsequently picked her up and carried her bridal style to her bedroom. She tossed her head back and laughed and was still laughing when he placed her down on her bed. “You literally cannot be serious about anything for more than five minutes,” she said as he climbed over her. “You’re about to be proved very, very wrong,” Jacob said, and Jodie had a snarky response forming in her head that died on her lips as soon as he kissed her again. And suddenly getting his shirt off was very high on her list of priorities. She gave up on the buttons and just ripped it, then mentally reminded herself to help him sew those buttons back on if they ever got out of bed.

He didn’t seem to care, but there he was, bare-chest, on top of her, with his lips on her neck and she moaned embarrassingly loud. She could feel him smiling against her skin, the bastard. She sat up briefly to aid Jacob in getting her shirt off, and her bra, and then he laid her back down and relieved her of her jeans and knickers. Not to be outdone, she started undoing his belt but he pushed her back on the mattress and settled over her, kissing a trail down her body. He slipped off the edge of the bed to kneel, kissed the inside of her thighs, and positioned his face between her legs. He looked up at her and opened his mouth to ask a question. She somehow (because she had no idea on how her brain would actually been working) intuited what he was about to ask.

“God yes,” half-spoken, half-moaned.

About a second later her head was thrown back as she felt pleasure course through her body as his tongue rolled against her clit. This simple motion made her gasp out loud. The sound seemed to please him, and he growled low in his throat before attacking her with tongue and lips and gentle teeth, until Jodie was biting her lips and forcing herself not to wrap her thighs around his head. One, then two fingers entered her and she literally gasped as they curled inside her. She dug her heel in to Jacob’s back accidentally, and as soon as he reached up and replaced her hand on her nipple with his she involuntarily pushed harder in to his back with her heel. That was probably going to leave a little bruise, she thought, but he didn’t seem to stop or mind, even when she threaded her hand in his hair. He started focusing intently on her nub, and next thing she knew she was arching off the bed and coming around his fingers. Pulling them from her body, he climbed up over her on the bed.  

Jodie wanted to move, to drag him down on her, to taste his lips once more and herself at the same time, and to return him the favor. But instead she watched him strip as he kept a safe distance between them. A part of her wanted to help, to shorten the torture, and to get rid of that satisfied smirk on his face –yet, another part wanted to enjoy the show, to savor each new glimpse of his skin and to memorize them for her lonely nights. But the impatience that curled in her low belly was hard to tame. Socks and shoes, then the belt and jeans followed, kicked off and the boxers flew somewhere and then he was naked, finally.

“Jodie,” he breathed looking down at her. Fuck! her name sounded so good on his tongue. His voice was broken, his Australian accent more marked, and his eyes were darker than anything she’d ever seen; she just wanted to kiss him absolutely senseless, “…do you have anything?”

Oh, that. How unfair that he should ask her where anything (especially something so infrequently used by her nowadays) was in her post-orgasmic haze. “Ummm,” she said to help, and flailed in the general direction of a cardboard-box by her nightstand. In vain. “One second,” Jacob said, and quickly dashed out of the bedroom, which at once was one of the most hilarious and sexy things that she’d possibly ever seen. She really hoped he didn’t trip over anything because she was not doing first aid on his naked… anything. She heard his suitcase unzip and zip and he came back with a fistful of condoms, swaggering triumphantly. “Bloody Hell,” she said, as he deposited all but one on the nightstand, “You totally planned this whole thing.” “The possibility crossed my mind,” Jacob replied. “Allow me,” Jodie said, with a wicked smile, and pushed him back so he was lying on the bed. She ripped the foil open with her teeth, tossed it aside, and rolled the condom on, never taking her eyes off of him. There was something extremely gratifying about the way that his head lolled back and his mouth fell open. Deciding that she relished the sensation of being in control, she straddled him and sunk on to him as slow as she could possibly manage. “God, Jodz… Jodie,” he sputtered out, “just do it already.” His hands moved to her hips and tightened. “Don’t know why you think this is any easier for me Jacob,” she sputtered out, but put on a veil of crazy confident feminine guile and started rolling her hips very slowly. She bit her lip hard, and looked down at Jacob whose pupils were blown out and just looked absolutely wrecked. His thumb found her clit and started rubbing it gently, and then harder, and then right when she was about to come, thanks Jacob, he rolled them over and started thrusting in to her. It was sinfully good to feel his skin against hers. She wanted everything, wanted to lose herself in the warmth of his skin, the taste of his lips, and to pretend that the world outside her flat didn’t exist. That they weren’t betraying any social convention for coworkers –or acquaintances? –or friends? Really? He was gentle, at first, one hand pressing her right wrist into the mattress, the other wrapped around her hip as he thrusts into her. Again and again and again and then he started to lose some of his control, and the hand around her wrist pushes down harder. It felt so good. They felt so good, fitted so well together and moved so in time with each other. Heat built in her and she could feel the rest of the world fading away into the background, and she wanted to close her eyes because there would be sparks behind her eyelids, but he wouldn’t let her out of his gaze. Just as she didn’t want to stop looking at the blue of his eyes. Jacob pulled almost all the way out of her and thrust into her again, deliberate and slow this time, and Jodie could feel the crest of her climax rising to meet his and she chased it eagerly, rocking her hips back against his. Maybe she was a little out of line, but the look on Jacob’s face told her she was doing something extremely pleasing. She buried her flushed face in the crock of his neck and bit down into the pale, pristine flesh of his shoulders and marked it hers. A low moan from him. And then, his hand at her hip loosened its grip and cupped her face instead and suddenly he was kissing her, all sweet tenderness and heat. Jodie kissed him back hungrily, whining into his mouth. So close. She was so damned close– “Let go,” he said against her lips, after pulling his mouth away from hers. “…you’re beautiful like this. So beautiful.” His accent, music to her ears. Then suddenly he was just hitting the spot, and then she was arching off the bed and seeing stars, and she was just barely aware of his hips stuttering and then giving one final prodigious thrust and collapsing on top of her. They just lay there like that for an indeterminate amount of time (Jodie wasn’t going to be counting anything, she knew that much) until he rolled off of her and dealt with the condom. She was still lying on her back when he got back to bed and he curled up beside her.

Taking this as her cue, she wound her arms around him, pulled him against her, felt his breath on her neck and shivered with post-orgasmic delight. He pressed a kiss to her collarbone, then to her neck, making her giggle, and then he kissed her so gently she could almost cry. Jodie wished there was more to this, more than just her London flat and previous stolen moments in trailers. More time. More of him. Her fingers ran through his messy hair and pulled him closer for another kiss. And then another, until she felt him stirring against her again.

“Fuck,” she stated as her hand moved down his body to cup the curve of his arse. “We’re screwed now, aren’t we?”

He didn’t even try to argue this statement. His hands cupped her face and before she could breathe he kissed her. “Oh yes, we are.”

For the first time in a long time, Jodie felt whole.

-

His return ticket had been booked for the next weekend, but he managed to worm his way out of further events and auditions (“My new agent will kill me later” he jested) so that he could stay two weeks. One morning, he disappeared for two hours, but re-appeared with red and white roses so she forgave him the minor heart attack. “Seriously? Jake?,” the reference obvious, but she accepted them anyway. He disappeared as well an whole day, but she knew it was to see an aunt or an uncle in Essex. Easy to forgive.

Later that month, she followed Jacob back to L.A. (“For work!” she had claimed to her friends who were not buying this shit). He was there, of course, waiting at the airport, and he took her to his flat without any questions. Unexpectedly, there was an extra chest of drawers waiting for her. “Thanks. It would make things easier,” she said in a smile. “I’m looking forward to this.” “Me too,” he said, and kissed her.

It was Jacob’s phone ringing that woke them, and Jodie blinked, the California sun already shining through the window. She didn’t realized she was so tired. The Hollywood way of life -and other private exertions. She was vaguely aware of Jacob groaning, his arms unwrapping from her as he stretched to pick up his phone. She turned back, spooning around him and scattering kisses over his shoulders and neck as he talked. “Hello? Oh, Emma, good morning. Yes, yes, I’m fine. I don’t know, we haven’t… Okay. Yes. Yes, she’s still here.” Jodie frowned. Even though she only heard half of the conversation, she knew he was talking about her. Telling Emma she had stayed the night might not be a good idea. “I’ll tell her. Yes. Thank you. Bye.” He hung up after this little talk and placed the phone back on his bedside table, before turning back and wrapping his arms around her. “Hello.” He kissed her nose and she couldn’t help but smile. “Hello. Hmm, what did Emma want?” “Oh, nothing, just be sure everything was alright. She is planning a dinner this week so, we could go? And she says hello.” “Jacob…” She tried to be serious but it was difficult with his hands on her hips, just upon her ticklish spot. “Why did you tell her I was here?” “It’s true, isn’t it?” “I’m not sure she had to know…” “Oh. She already knew.” “What?” He shrugged. “Said it was obvious and that we should have realized before.” Jodie turned pale, her blood freezing as she wondered what she meant by obvious, and who else knew. And then she remembered the many smiles and teasing and eye-rolling from her friends. Was the great actress Jodie Comer so easy to read? “Are you okay?” he cupped her face and brushed her cheeks gently, eyes full of affection. Oh shit. She was in love with this man -maybe she hadn’t realized it all quite yet. Or maybe she had, and this sudden understanding was like letting out a breath Jodie didn’t know she was holding since months. “More than okay,” she sighed, and let him kiss her, and more.

- -

[evilelitest2]

Lets talk about @dismantlexsjwsxfeminist

So for the last few days, I’ve been getting into an argument with @dismantlexsjwsxfeminism, a man who claims to understand feminism but can’t name any of their terms.  Long time viewers know that I tend to do that....a lot, every month or so, I get into a multi post rambling argument with some moron who earnestly believes a 1930 group of film nerds secretly control the world.  Most of you have asked me at some point “Why bother, why engage with the literal worse of human nature”.  @archpaladin​ @chaotic-good-milk-hotel​ @doctorstarky​ @ailedhoo​

 @that-spaz-chick​ seems to find it fun actually, badass

But the point is, all of you have asked me at some point or another, “Why bother with these people, like you aren’t going to change their mind, you aren’t going to alter the conversation, why are you spending so much time on this?

Well, I turns out dear friends, there is a reason.  I am a vindictive bitter human being...wait no, two reasons.  Think of this like recon, I’m learning. Every conversation, no matter how long and weird and strangely repetitive (seriously these people will not answer simple questions) brings me more information.   And now I think I have enough to make my point.   And i’m going to use @dismantlexsjwxfeminism as an example here, I think we should really talk about who he is as a person and how he thinks, because it isn’t all that different from any other of these fucking degenerates think.  

  Because if you’ve interacted with them (@zennistrad understands what i’m talking about) they might seem like people who are trying their best to become cartoon bad guys from a hackneyed cartoon show and...well they are but there is a method to their madness.  

   See, the funny thing about MRAs/Gamergaters/Alt Right folks is that they can come off as interchangeable.   Like, they vary a little bit in terms of how many times they use the word Cuck and which issue they use, but at a certain point they are basically all the same terrible person.  Every argument with them tends to follow the same pattern, and I’ve seen this behavior before.  Talking to cultists, and talking to members of hate groups, they always have this weird, cyclical way of talking, and I want to use them today as an object lesson of how not to behave.  ;

        Step 1: Pretend to be reasonable.  

First they take an argument that looks semi reasonable if you don’t know the details and squint at it funny while drunk.   These usually involve either an individual feminist group or person doing something shitty (which we all know, damns the entire movement because that is how fucking logic work) or a legitimate issue that men actually face and they pretend that feminists are somehow responsible for running the US justice system (because clearly an overwhelmingly male organization is run entirely by women

The Lesson: Get into specifics, don’t deal in vague words, clarify your terminology

   Step 2: Muddle the Issues

If pressed on these issue by offering context, he will immediately phase himself as a defender of the oppressed and do a weird facsimile of a SJW even as he hates SJWs.  He is fighting for the rights of the oppressed and talks a great deal about the ways in which men suffer in the modern world.  Expect a massive list of links copy/pasted from one of the 5 redpill forums that are always on about this, but no context or knowledge within those links (most of which are either out of context, delibearely misleading, or flat out wrong, because you know..alternative facts).  Its like he is imitating progressives in terms of behavior, but here is the critical difference, he doesn’t actually care.  Like he will talk a lot about lack of male abuse shelters or how men get sentenced twice as long or male suicide rates, but if you ask him about that in more detail or talk about major contributors to those problems (like say, toxic masculinity), he will just kinda slink away or move on, or simply say that it’s “The feminists” and not address it.  And that is the core of MRAs, they don’t actually care about men’s issue, just like the Alt Right doesn’t really care about the plight of the working class or the Republican Party doesn’t really care about the Kurds, its sympathy bigotry, intolerance masking itself as simply a form of the oppressed.  

This is what @dismantlexsjwfeminismx is trying to spin, at least to himself, that MRAs are just another facade of progressive politics, just like groups that advocate Gay Rights sometimes run across groups advocating for women’s rights, so too does he imagine himself as another element of said movement except of course more and more intersectionality is becoming in vogue, GMS advocates and feminists learning to address underlying issues in each other’s camps and finding common ground.  And this is actually what @dismantlexsjwxfeminism is the most afraid of.  

  He lives in a status quo that benefits him tremendously, and whenever groups challenge that status quo, they often fall into infighting rather than pool their efforts to challenge him directly.  This is happening less, one of the values of the internet is that various marginalized people are starting to take up each other’s cause as a common unifier, feminists realizing that BLM is something worth supporting and BLM is coming to the aid of muslim Americans.  I mean take this recent trans ban that Trump proposed on twitter (and I have no idea if anything will come of it), considering how small a group trans people are in this country and how much negative associates there are with them, I am honestly shocked by how universally strong the backlash was.  It might not seem this way because Trump is president, Brexit happened and the world is an awful terrible place, but progressivism is growing stronger and becoming more organized because at long last they have figured out the key to their dilemma, getting desperate oppressed groups to find common ground.

  The only one they haven't truly solved is the biggest of them all, getting advocates of racial equality, gender equality, and above all class equality to come together and work as a common unit.  Once that is solved, it is the effective end of conservatism.  

    And in a way, @dismantlexsjwsxfeminism knows this.  He knows that progressives talking to each other will bring an end to the social order he supports.  So he is adapting the guise of a marginalized person to undermine it from within.  Its ironic because clearly the current social order is also hurting him, we should view @dismantlexsjwxfeminism as something of a victim, he is clearly miserable, and  based upon the few bits of personal information he mentions on his tumblr, doesn’t seem to have very stable relationships, in fact his main friend group literally is a bunch of reactionary pricks.  He is basically in a gang, a really sad gang with no street cred who don’t make loads of money or get ton of chicks, but the mentality is the same, he is in a gang.  

And here is the real trick of his little scheme here.  By pretending to be a supporter of men’s issue, he is trying to attack feminism directly, but he is also trying to make feminists distrustful of anybody supporting men’s issues, which will make it less likely for more men to realize how feminism directly helps them.  He is poisoning the well on men’s issues, and it is especially noticeable, because he doesn’t actually care about men’s issue, he is basically an alien to anything involving compassion.  

See, he will cry crocodile tears at male victims of rape or abuse, but he will show absolutely no empathy for any other victims of any other context because...he doesn’t actually have any empathy for other people, including the male victims.  

So you see him post this shit and I don’t normally bother with trigger warnings but seriously, this might be a good time for it.

THank you to @doublecrimes​ for bringing this to my attention

So we have a person who is talking about how much rape hurts men and how little feminists care for the pain of men and yet...he is posting shit that basically says “Fuck you victims”  And that is pretty much a hallmark of MRAs, they basically mimics of compassion but show none of the follow through.  WHich is why for all of their talk of “Men get longer sentences” they don’t actually do shit to solve that, after all, feminists don’t run the justice department, they don’t have shit to do with men getting longer sentences, that was happening back in the 1500s when feminism didn’t exist yet. Because it’s not actually about helping men, or helping anyone for that matter, it’s the paper thin excuse that @dismantlexsjwxfeminism wears like a skin mask to justify to himself how awful of a person he is, anything he does is acceptable if he can pretend its for a cause.

The thing you need to understand about most reactionaries, is that they are generally miserable awful people who are in a lot of pain, for whatever reason, they aren’t happy with their lives right now, instead they are generally a pretty unhappy lot.  And the thing about being in pain, be it pain due to circumstances, or pain due to them fucking up, it doesn’t matter, people in pain can justify almost any behavior very easily. “I’m hurting, therefore i’m the victim” even as they do increasingly horrible things to other people, “I’m in pain, i’m the one who needs to be helped”.  You see this everywhere, from real life gang members, to terrorist members, and war criminals, it’s the same psychology ‘I suffered, so I’m always the victim, nobody else ever gets to be the victim”  

Lesson time: Don’t let MRAs poison the well on men’s issues, if you can address those problems, you can get a lot of men interested in feminism, the MRA movement is an elaborate trap.  

Step Three Conspiracy Theories

After you call them on it, they make broad generalizations about how much power feminists, have, how they all have a singular unified goal of destroying men, but they will resolutely not answer questions, clarify terms or narrow in on specifics.   They talk about feminists the way people who believe in Aliens talk about “The Government” it’s this force of evil that is simultaneously all powerful and deeply incompetent at the same, time, and it doesn’t really have motivations.  Like its evil effectively for its own sake, or because of some long term plan to oppress all men because reasons.  

And thats the thing about @dismantlexsjwfeminismx as a person, he lives in a world where everything is fundamentally simple.  Whatever problems exist in his life that cause him to spend massive amounts of time online trying to debunk feminism (and feel free to speculate), he feels like he has found the root of life’s ills, feminism.  For what ever reason, he has created this imaginary boogieman of a conspiracy called feminism which controls large swaths of the world but also never seems to get its goals accomplished.  I mean if feminists actually controlled the US government wouldn’t it be at least 50% women?  These questions are never addressed by @dismantlexsjwxfeminism and in fact he avoids questions like these entirely, he isn’t much of a questioning type, because remember, for him this isn’t really really about feminism, he is obsessed with fighting feminism but he can’t even name like, 4 prominent feminists who aren’t Anita Sarkeesian, he hasn’t read any feminists texts (and if you press him on it he will say he doesn’t have too….cause that makes sense…

No, he just need something to blame, some large force to say “THis is what is responsible for everything wrong in my life”  It could be feminism, it could be the Jewish conspiracy, it could be undertale fanboys, it doesn’t matter, @dismantlexsjwxfeminism doesn’t actually care about feminism except in how it provides him with a single force to blame for a complicated, uncertain, and chaotic world.  And this is basically why he is going to be miserable for a very long time, because the only way you can move on from pain is by processing it, and you can’t proncess it if you are externalizing it in a real life movement forever.

This is also why he likes Trump btw, its not because of Trumps policies or even because Trump is going to help him in any way, its because he can project his own desire to be a powerful aggressive rich person unto Trump.  Yes, @dismantlexsjwxfeminism is such a miserable person that he thinks Trump is strong, the most thin skinned person in the world, because at his core, @dismantlexsjwxfeminism is also thin skinned.  Also he is like, extremely sensitive about his intelligence, he is really really insecure about how little he knows and so a President who takes his own ignorance and weaponizes it appeals strongly to him.

And here is my last warning, there are going to be pole like @dismantlexsjwxfeminism living among progressive group, people who attach themselves to legitimate issues as an excuse to exorcise their own demons and we need to watch out for that, and to try to discourage that behavior.  

[lindsay-erin1996]

I know what you are thinking – LINDSAY DID YOU DIE?

Do not be dramatic, I did NOT die. I decided to take a break (again – lol) to focus on graduating and my post-grad life; which is exactly what I did!

Hello everyone – I graduated COLLEGE!!!! I graduated from Ohio University this past December and I accepted an internship with STEVE MADDEN in NEW YORK (!!!!!). So, here I am chilling in New York; missing you all dearly.

I posted a poll on my personal Instagram asking whether people would read if I started blogging again and basically everyone said YES (wow I love my fans). The answer I got was overwhelming and thank you all for supporting me and encouraging me to continue to do what I enjoy and love. I also posted a suggestion box on posts you all wanted to see; and, again, received an overwhelming amount of responses (heart eyes)!! I plan on highlighting all of these suggestions – don’t worry! However, I thought maybe I would begin my comeback with a New York Life blog post – starting in three…two…one…

The rumors are true, I AM LIVING IN NEW YORK!!!!! I [momentarily] moved to New York to pursue a sales internship with Steve Madden. I plan on writing more about this experience in a later blog – so stick around!

I am here with my friend Heather who also happens to be working this internship with me – so we are basically BFFs. I will add her Instagram handle below if any of you are curious about her – WHICH YOU SHOULD BE.

So, I have experienced a lot since coming here and I want to share it with you! Don’t worry, not in full detail; but I have some fun stories to say the least. So, here is a list of a few things I have done since I have arrived in the big city.

Shopping, walking, and exploring!

Of course I did a little shopping when I got here – sue me. Perhaps you will see these new items in future blogs???? So, yes I did some shopping, but I also have done a lot of window shopping when coming across small and unique boutiques. Boutiques can be expensive, but they all have their own unique vibes. I also live on the same street as the one of the biggest Macy’s. It was considered as the biggest department store up until 2009. I did not buy anything there; but I highly recommend running around because not only does it have everything you could think of, but it is super fun to explore! If you have ever heard of Mango, which may be unlikely since it is based in Europe, then you may get excited to hear that they have one here in New York! While I was in Paris, Mango was my favorite store to shop in and adventure around. Unfortunately, I cannot say the same for the New York location. Since experiencing the stores in Europe, I was quite disappointed with the store here. It was smaller and did not carry nearly as much stuff as the one I have been in. Don’t get me wrong, it was still fun to shop around in, but it was not living up to the full Mango potential. However, if you are ever in that area, I recommend stopping it because you never know what you might find!

  Another cool place to explore is Chelsea Market. It has shops, restaurants, and a fun market vibe brought on by different types of vendors selling their art and other creations. Even if you don’t plan on buying something, it is still a fun place to walk around and look at. For me, this was a good place to add to my business card collection. When I came to New York, I decided to start collecting different fashion and art cards I can keep to either remember the places I shopped at or potentially shop again. It is a small thing to collect that does not take up much space, but still means a lot; at least to me.  

Check out this really cute art piece I found at Chelsea Market!

Drag Shows and Bars

I finally got to experience my very first drag show and it was an interesting night to say the least. I went to a place called Lips and experienced a show and an incredibly funny waitress named Delilah. The drinks were in fun spirit and so was everyone that was there! Heather and I even met a bride-to-be that kept photobombing us! So, overall it was a 10/10 experience and I HIGHLY recommend going to one, especially in New York. As for bars? New York has so many options with so many different themes. My favorite bar so far has been the Crocodile Lounge which in my opinion gave me the feeling like I was in college again. The unique part about this bar is that every drink you buy, you get a small ticket that you can trade in for your own miniature pizza. I bet you can see why it is my favorite so far! I have gone to some other bars around New York, but none worth mentioning at the moment. Hopefully I can find some unique ones with the warm weather coming soon!

    My Tourist Adventures

When you come to New York City, especially for the first time like me, you have to visit some of the areas that contain the most history. I have gone to the 9/11 Memorial, Ellis Island, The Empire State Building, Carlo’s Bake Shop (Cake Boss ring a bell?), and the Statue of Liberty. I actually had the opportunity to climb to the top and stand in her crown. Unfortunately, I may have experienced an anxiety attack going up and down due to the tight space the stairs had to be. It was a good experience; but because of that little hiccup, it is not something I would do again. However, I am super glad I got to do it! You may have heard, but a new mall opened up called Hudson Yards in New York. This mall is HUGE and I am not exaggerating for once. It has tons of shops, restaurants, and even a really fun and vibrant candy store – which I was more excited to explore than my 12 year old cousin. Outside of the mall is this tall 3-D interactive sculpture that is free to go in and climb. However, when we visited, the wind was incredibly intense that day so we were only allowed to up to the third level. So, if you do visit this vessel – please do – make sure it is on a day that is not as windy so you can experience the whole thing! Something else I recommend is experiencing Little Italy and China Town. The pizza in Little Italy is unbelievable – cough Lombardi’s cough – and the culture in those two areas is something you don’t want to miss! You may even be able to find a way to buy a “designer” bag on the cheap while you are there! 😉

  Broadway and Shows

I have gone to a total of three show since I have been here and I have yet to be disappointed. Have you heard of Drunk Shakespeare? Well, if you have not then I recommend looking it up and seeing it if you ever come to New York. Not only was it hilarious, but it also had modernized twists to the show which made it easy to follow. There was never a dull moment and the actors and actresses were simply amazing! Another great show was Kinky Boots. The vibrant colors and personalities within the show were extremely entertaining and the storyline was emotionally relevant. The last show I saw was called The Puffs which is related to Harry Potter. However, the storyline takes place surrounding the Hufflepuffs during the time Harry Potter was in school. The show was refreshing and had a humor I personally appreciated. In my opinion, you can never go wrong with a show of some kind in New York…and I don’t tend on proving myself wrong!

    FASHION WEEK 201 (Last one – I swear)

I am here to pursue my career in fashion so of course I was psyched knowing we would be here during all of the hype of New York Fashion Week. Although we did not get to volunteer or participate in the shows (we asked around), we actually got to go to one! Don’t get too excited, it was not one of the super big and popular shows but it was still fantastic. Our friend Sanne, who is from the Netherlands (COOL RIGHT?), took us to the Small Boutique Fashion Week show. This show is probably one of my favorite things I have done here in New York so far. I was literally (and I mean literally) on Cloud 9 during the whole show. Even though I felt completely out of place due to my clothing, it was an incredible experience. When I say I felt out of place by my clothing, I mean everyone else was dressed to the 10s while I still have my in-between college wardrobe. 

Remember when I said people were dressed to the 10s? Well these guys were dressed to the teens.

  Me, Sanne, and Heather

I have a lot of exciting posts planned and my goal is to post every 2 weeks, so let’s see if I can stick to it! 😉 Another goal I want to keep working on is regularly posting on my Instagram so not only can you sign up for email reminders on when I post here but you can also follow my Instagram which I will add at the bottom!

Also – if you have any suggestions on some cool things to do during my last month – LEAVE A COMMENT! I already plan on making trips to the Color Factory, Coney Island, a comedy show, a bike ride around central park, and the Central Park Zoo; but I am certainly open to more suggestions! OR you can leave a comment if you’re curious about something I did not mention above because I have definitely have done more than I wrote about! OR just leave a comment for fun! Talk to me!

Thanks for reading!

Lindsay

P.S. Sorry for my bad phone quality! My next posts will be about trends and fashion so I will use my Canon camera! 🙂

My Instagram: @fashiondemonblog

https://www.instagram.com/fashiondemonblog/?hl=en

Heather’s Instagram: @heathergail14

https://www.instagram.com/heathergail14/?hl=en

New York Adventures I know what you are thinking – LINDSAY DID YOU DIE? Do not be dramatic, I did NOT die.

[magus-of-the-color-pizza]

The 5 gods of Amonkhet

As I have alluded to several times, I am very, very excited about Amonkhet (sidenote: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH). Today we got this piece of news, which I posted a couple minutes ago. There are many noteworthy things in this article. An analytical person would go over them all, giving them each a decent amount of thought.

But I don’t work like that, guys. You should know that by now.

Let us focus (someone else will talk at length about the rest) on the final two parts of the article. Firstly, those basic lands are absolutely gorgeous (’nuff said), and, if my sources are correct, 1 in 4 boosters will contain a full art land, so yay!

At the end of the article, @wizardsmagic​ decided to delight us by giving us a couple images “without context”. There are a total of 8 images.

The first 3 are of member of the gatewatch in Amonkhet, chilling. We got Gideon looking stern as always, Lili enjoying herself (love this art) and Nissa being Nissa.

BUT AFTER THAT!

WHOOOOOOOOOOO BOY.

We have 5 images of what are, I assume, the 5 gods of Amonkhet, created by Nicol Bolas himself.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Am I an Egyptologist? No, absolutely not. Do I have any sort of degree when it comes to Ancient Egyptian Mythology? Again, no. Am I of Egyptian descent? Also no. But do I have an interest in Egyptian Mythology that I have been cultivating since I first learned about it in History class in Elementary School? You BETCHA. I also have an egyptian sideblog, @horusiswatching. Fun stuff.

I will be talking about them under the cut, in case people want to avoid spoilers:

Now! Let’s take a look at these 5 gods! I have to say, not only do they look glorious, the artists did a good job of showing us that they are artificially created (the gold plating of their body) while also elevating them very much above “huge robots”. Also, remember that, as they did in Theros, there may not be a 1 on 1 correspondence: some may be a mix between two or more. Nevertheless, I am very satisfied with the results. Also one thing to mention is we don’t know what color combos we’re dealing with (Single-color? Ally Dual? Enemy Dual? Mixed Dual? Three seems unlikely), so I’mma be doing a lot of guessing.

First one up, Mega-cat!

Ok so this god takes from Bast and/or Sekhmet, the two major feline goddesses in Egyptian mythology. I wrote a short introduction for Bast on my secondary blog, @horusiswatching​, a while back, you can find it right here.

Bastet and Sekhmet are two separate entities, but, funny story, they are somewhat linked. Back before the unification of Egypt, aka when it was split into two parts, the two filled very similar roles of lion goddesses of War. Bastet was worshiped in the Lower Egypt (the northern one lol), whereas Sekhmet’s home was the Upper Egypt (south). After the unification into a single Egypt, given the similarity in their role, Bastet begin to diverge, eventually shifting into a major deity of protection, depicted as a cat rather than a lioness, rather than of war. Sekhmet remained a bloodthirsty lioness (for simplicity’s sake, we will currently not address her other side, Hathor).

So! Given this information, and seeing that her art is the most solemn and has the most white in it, I’m going to guess that this card will definitely have White in it. If we have dual colors, either White/Red or White/Green. Either way, looooove it!

MOVING ON

HI SOBEK HOW ARE THINGS

Ahem, this here is clearly inspired by the crocodile god Sobek! Now Sobek here is, as is relatively normal in Egyptian Mythology, the god of... a lot of stuff. Most importantly, though, he is the god of crocodiles (duh), fertility and of the Nile (Poseidon is like the greek Sobek, only less badass). Sobek may seem cool but he’s not exactly the chillest dude ever. In fact, he’s an aggressive and animalistic god, living up to the vicious reputation of his patron animal. But! He also helped Isis put Osiris back together (long story) and is a protector deity. For these reason, I’d expect this god to be in Green/Red or maybe (?) Green/Black.

NEXT

IS THAT A DOG? NO! IT’S A JACKAL (actually it’s the African golden wolf but w/e)!!!

The god this one takes from is Anubis! The jackal-headed god of cemeteries and mummification (he really knows how to liven up a party, trust me)! He was initially lord of the underworld, but later that role was taken up by Osiris. One of Anubis’s main roles was to help souls cross into the afterlife. Not only that, he assisted in the Weighing of the Heart, the process in which a soul’s heart would be weighed in order to determine whether it was worthy to enter the realm of the dead. Anubis may look intimidating and his role is kind of grim, but he’s actually not as “evil” as you’d expect a jackal that guards cemeteries to be. He’s a good boy. Because of this, I’d expect this god card to show up in Black, Black/White... or maybe Black/Blue?

Oh, also, a friend of mine mentioned that this god appears to be a female (and therefore cant’ be Anubis). To that, I’d like to remind you all that Theros’s Poseidon was female. Case closed.

TWO MORE LEFT

AN IBIS GOD! GOOOD LORD!

The most known Ibis god there is is Thoth (aka Djehuti, but no one calls him that nowadays)! Thoth is god of... wow, he’s actually the god of a lot of things. He’s the god of, and I quote, “Knowledge, the Moon, Measurement, Wisdom, the Alphabet, Records, Thought, Intelligence, Meditation, the Mind, Logic, Reason, Reading, Hieroglyphics, Magic, Secrets, Scribes, and Writing”. In addition, he later took on the role of arbitration of godly disputes. HOLY MACKEREL! Thoth is a busy guy, indeed.

In case it wasn’t pretty obvious from that list, Thoth has “BLUE” written all over him. I’d guess he’ll either be Blue, Blue/White, or... Blue/Green?

AND NOW, LAST BUT NOT LEAST!!

GIANT SNEK

Now, those who know nothing of Egyptian mythology don’t know who this is. However, I do believe that there will be people, with a modest (look I’m not trying to belittle you or anything) amount of knowledge of egyptian deities who knew of alll the previous gods, but not this one.

Now, to be fair. You might’ve guessed Apophis. Apophis was the biggest, baddest snake of alll Egyptian Mythology, it was chaos incarnate, it was Ra (the king of all gods)’s biggest enemy (I wrote an introduction on Ra here and on Apophis here). But here’s the thing.

I believe this is not based much on Apophis, a primordial force of chaos and destruction, literally the nemesis of gods, but rather on Wadjet (not to be confused with the Wadjet that is the eye of Horus/Ra)!

You might think “never heard of her!” And you may be right, but I’m willing to bet you’ve seen her multiple times! You know the little cobra that sits atop of the pharaoh’s crown? That’s her, that’s Wadjet!

Wadjet is another god of protection, particularly of the land and of the pharaoh. She is one of the oldest deities and was, before the unification, the protector deity of the entirety of Lower Egypt. Also, being later associated with Ra as a patron deity, it was said that she had the ability to spit fire (the way a cobra would spit venom). I believe Wadjet has enough wiggle room that wotc could go in a couple directions, but I expect her to be Red, possibly Red/Green or, who knows, Red/Black if they take elements of Apophis.

So let’s take a look back at our colors. We have

Bast/Sekhmet: W; WR; WG

Sobek: G; BG; RG

Anubis: B; WB; UB

Thoth: U; UG; WU

Wadjet: R; RU; BR

To be honest with you, if I had to pick one of these, I’d definitely go with the enemy colors, but hey, I’m not wotc.

Also one last thing I’d like to point out in this article is that I was surprised by the absence of a Ra/Horus inspired god, but after thinking about it for a little while I believe it makes sense. Ra was the main man after all, and this pantheon of gods was created by Bolas to serve his own needs. Why make one of them reign over the others when the all bow down to him? In that way, Bolas is the Ra of this set (and Horus is very, very closely related to Ra, so he was probably taken out of consideration for that). Also the fact that Bolas’s return will be heralded by the specific positioning of the two suns of Amonkhet, and Ra was, you guessed it, also the god of the Sun.

Anyways! I’ve forced myself to be coherent for far too much now, I’m wrapping this up so I can go back to screaming at my friends about this! I hope you all enjoyed reading, stay tuned for more Amonkhet deliciousness!

[ultramarinequeen]

RULES: Choose any three fandoms (in random order) and answer the questions, then tag 10 people.  (if you don’t wish to see this post, please press j)

TAGGED BY: @hornyliverpudlianputz​ , my dearest monkee partner in crime. thank you and i havent done a personal post in like legitimately probably 3 years so lets go

Three fandoms:

* EUReKA

* The Monkees (what a shock)

* Dr. Who (very nearly picked the x files but lets roll w/ it)

(for the sake of simplicity i’ll be doing original runs only for that which applies.)

The first character you loved:

EUReKA - Nathan Stark. He wasn’t in the first episode and I still loved the show from the first viewing but. Definitely him. He’s still in like, my top three characters of all time.

The Monkees - Before I knew anything about the show, Mike was my favourite. I defaulted onto him when I started watching until Micky took over as my favourite.

Dr. Who - The Doctor. (What a shock) I started with the very first episode, An Unearthly Child, and he’s just such an interesting and charismatic character.

The character you never expected to love so much:

EUReKA - Taggart. He’s not my favourite character but I still really like him. He doesn’t do well to ingratiate himself in the first episode but once he’s not openly hostile to Jack and you learn more about him he became one I really enjoyed (and missed when he kind of got phased out)

The Monkees - Micky. He’s my favourite by a wide margin now, as anyone who knows me will tell you, but before I watched it (and even in the first few episodes) he was very under my radar. I’ve known vaguely about the Monkees my whole life but I had a very different idea of what they were compared to what they actually are just because of a lack of information, and I’d centred on Mike before I knew anything about any of them. Upon my first viewing Mike was still my favourite but Micky crept into my notice and I ended up falling in love with him.

Dr. Who - There are a lot of characters this could apply to - Jamie McCrimmon and the Sixth Doctor, my favourite companion and incarnation, fall under this category - but the most unexpected one was definitely Kamelion. He’s an automaton who is in legitimately only two serials, the one he’s introduced in and the one he’s killed off in. They do very little with his character but something about him fascinates me, and now he’s in my top 3 companions. Don’t ask why I can’t even explain it

The character you relate to the most:

EUReKA - Nathan Stark. He’s more of an asshole than I am, but there are definite similarities, and as I discovered EUReKA while I was in middle school I probably grew to embody more of his character traits than I had originally because of how much I love him. He’s driven, snarky, sarcastic, intelligent, determined to find the answer/truth to things he cares about, and he obsesses over things that interest him. In some ways I’m more similar to Zane than Nathan, such as being lazy about things I don’t care about, but Nathan definitely wins out here.

The Monkees - As much as I’d like to say Micky, it’s deffo Mike. I’ve got that sarcastic, deadpan humour and a snark, and sometimes I have to restrain myself from making a joke that will definitely be read as being harsh. I’ve got a bit of a strong personality that leads my friends to default on me if they don’t want to make a decision, a cool head under pressure (he usually has the coolest, dependent on what’s funniest for a gag) and a few other related traits Mike has, too. I’ve got Micky’s propensity for schemes and plans and his (usually present) reliance on science, but Mike for sure.

Dr. Who - It’s a break between Romana I and Zoe. Zoe is very scientifically minded and can be quite stubborn and pushy about her way, which I definitely can be, but Romana I is like a more naive, haughty version of myself. If I was actually driven to get perfect scores and had a bigger ego, we’d be the same person.

The character you’d slap:

EUReKA - There are a few, but General Mansfield is up there. I know he’s just doing his job but like you gotta be an asshole about it? 

The Monkees - Captain Crocodile for singling out and then embarrassing Micky on the telly. Also Mr. Babbitt even though the guys kind of deserve him berating them about months-late rent

Dr. Who - That bitch Dastari from the Two Doctors for selling out and betraying not one but two incarnations of Dr. Who at once and in general being a spineless bastard

Three favorite characters (in order of preference):

EUReKA - Nathan Stark, Zane Donovan, and either Deputy Andy or Taggart

The Monkees - Micky, Mike, then Peter or Davy dependent on the episode

Dr. Who - I’ll split this into companions and then Doctors. For companions it’s Jamie McCrimmon, Romana I, and Kamelion, and for Doctors it’s Six, Two, and One

A character you liked at first, but don’t anymore:

EUReKA - Most of the characters I made my opinion pretty quickly after getting ample information on them. I guess the person who fits in here the best is Henry, as I liked him, then disliked him, and then grew to like him again. Henry’s a very complex character and it’s part of that which led to me liking him less - he starts out very friendly and funny but as terrible things happen to him he, understandably, gets withdrawn and less enjoyable. There’s more than a bit of a disconnect between how I would have handled things and how he handles things, and he does make a lot of mistakes - while that’s human, some of them just make him less likeable overall until he heals over the later seasons.

The Monkees - None of them fit into this category proper. The closest thing I can say is that Mike was my favourite first and was then overtaken by Micky, but he’s still my second favourite, and I love all the boys dearly. There aren’t really many recurring characters of note, and those that do exist did not undergo a change in my opinion of them.

Dr. Who - The Fifth Doctor. I still like him, I don’t hate any of the incarnations, but he was my second favourite for quite a time. I guess after watching enough of his serials I started to grow a bit weary of his demeanour? Or at the very least favour other incarnations. Still good though.

Three OTPs:

EUReKA - Uhhhhh probably Henry and Kim (if all that bullshit hadn’t happened), Jack and Allison, and like. Fargo and Claudia. It counts.

The Monkees - I don’t ship the guys with each other and don’t have any ships of them with others, really. Davy does enough of it to carry over to everyone, don’t you think? Or I could be a prick and say Micky is mine.

Dr. Who - Barbara and Ian, Ben and Polly, and either Tegan and Nyssa or One and Cameca

I tag @thekingsstudy​ and @codeobsidian​ cos idk a damn person on here

[postcards-to-home]

The Craziness Continues..

3/3/18

Here we were back again on that damn Ferry that I had a real love hate relationship for. Taronga Zoo was where we were off on our next adventure for the day. Saturdays mean no work and no homework, so of course it was all play and no work for us!

Taronga Zoo to my severe disappointment is not in fact Steve Irwin’s family zoo. God bless the crocodile man’s soul he taught all of us a youngsters how to love the wild and all it’s creatures. Taronga zoo sits hillside opposite the Sydney Opera house across the harbor. It’s adorable to watch elephants and giraffes wander about with the city as the backdrop. To get to the zoo we took a really short gondola ride to the base of the hill and worked our ways down the frontside of the hill.

There were heaps of all sorts of animals. A classic zoo filled with every native poisonous snake the country has, frogs, alligators, giraffes's, wallabies and unfortunately I only saw one single kangaroo and not one damn koala. Here in NSW it is actually illegal to hold koala’s as they are treasured native delicacies.I didn’t need to see one that badly but I did get to ride one..

AND not to mention we did get some pretty cool crowns for entering the tiger pits..

BUT the real fun didn’t come until we left the zoo. Y'all know im not the biggest animal person in the world and would much rather be day drinking so thats just what we did. ( Still a cool zoo I’d recommend going with all your best fiends as they will do all the “oOoOo-ing “ for you and find the best way for you to ignore the impending pains in your feet from wearing the wrong walking shoes).

The journey continued all the ways to Oxford Street in Darlinghurst (Downtown Sydney) to ball out at the world famous Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras parade. Now i’m not one to be into these sorts of festivities but it was almost like a right of passage since Nick loves his pretty boys and of course I had to go check it out and give it my blessing.Meanwhile Nick was stranded in the blizzard for well over 20 hours starving with no food or water on the side of the highway but I partied hard with him in spirit.As I write this Nick is flourishing in Rome with his friends having the time of his life so it all worked out for him too and I couldn't be happier. Mom now has two kids half way around the world! I could definitely see Nick coming here in five years time and finding his potential soul mate wandering the streets because there are definitely some unique souls running  rampant around. 

I don’t know what turned me on more the men with fake tits, the obnoxious amounts of glitter, the endless sea of rainbows or the amount of alcohol we consumed in a two hour time span.Just kidding everyone a four pack here costs an average of $21 here so I was lucky to afford that and split a pint of vodka with Miranda, our temporary one tooth wonder ( we love her but she had a slight accident soon to be fixed so fingers crossed everyone). I swear open container laws do not exist because men were wildin’ out in cheetah print thongs, downing coronas while hitting on straight police officers and not a single rainbow haired freak gave a damn. 

I dare you to judge me because these tasted way too good mixed with 7-11 50 cent slushies and vodka. So gosh darn good in fact I had to FaceTime not only grace to tell her but also wake Jaybae up at 3:30 in the morning to see this beautiful rainbow colored can, the one and only reason I bought it. I know they both appreciated  seeing my face and telling them how much they needed to fly down to Sydney right then and there.

This little sign sure did give me a good laugh midway through the four pack.

Now I know you can’t see it in this picture but we had just scored 4$ glitter paint at the store and we were all to happy to tear into that shit and rub it all over our bodies. Luckily we all put it on and only one of us got a rash from it. Can you guess who? Jokes on you guys because if you thought it was me you were actually wrong for once so Ha, gotcha.

I’d like to say I captured the moments with a lot of really great pictures of the parade but we only managed to see about 20 minutes and two inches of it since there were way too many people close to comfort and once again my feet were in pain. Collectively we all enjoyed ourselves. If you would like to see a ton of group pictures of all of us feel free to check out my tags and Kaley’s facebook for some fire shots.Side note it wouldn’t be a blog post if I didn’t include something stupid funny Alannah said:

3/7/18

Another Day another dollar spent :-)

Nothing short of simplicity here out in Manly. More mini adventures, running along side the beach, finding secret caves and wildflowers wondering whats right around the corner. I’d like to say i’m killing myself hitting the books but in reality im letting the stress build as I allow each and everyone of my subjects pile up. Don’t you fret I will finish it all in a timely manner.Like today at my internship I sort of hovered over my computer screen pounding keys hoping I’d make some magic happen for my strategic management report. Lots of progress in the warehouse including watching the leather doctor repair the white leather stools we have in stock. Fun times at EHS, I swear its fascinating learning about the logistical aspects of furniture rentals, deliveries and all the odd bits in-between. 

Some days I forget im not here on vacation.Other days, like these, remind me im actually sort of in a make believe reality that the world actually is all mine.

Long behold yet again the precious views that never cease to amaze me. Clearly you can see why I struggle to focus on my course works. It’s even harder when the school throws bar parties every Tuesday and Thursday night. Not that I really enjoy them but its fun to go and watch all my friends get “pissed” ( Aussie slang for drunk as hell) on school nights. On this weeks CCC excursion we saw this friendly little marsupial:

In other news-Nick Ames update: He has safely made it to both Italy specifically Rome and Venice. I know this because of  this confirmation text that I had to stifle my laughs for during my internship:

I just really appreciate my mom’s spelling. I believe she ment B-L-E-S-S-E-D but im not to sure on that. Anyyyways I should probably get back to studying, or attempting to. I’ll talk to you all soon.

Peace, Love & Enjoy the Adventure xoxo

[junker-town]

Tom Brady made a website for his TB Times cartoons, and they’re *maybe* starting to make sense?

The plot thickens.

The dots might not be actually connecting, but they are starting to appear in a pattern that might someday yield a picture.

Yes, folks, that’s right: Tom Brady released another edition of the TB Times yesterday. We missed a week when New England lost to the Dolphins, but on Sunday, the Patriots beat the Steelers thanks to an overruled touchdown and the fact that no one in the National Football League has any idea what a catch is.

A post shared by Tom Brady (@tombrady) on Dec 17, 2017 at 4:24pm PST

I’m still pretty confused, but we are starting to see some common themes and characters within these comics that might eventually make some narrative sense. In the meantime, Brady, his Social Media Guy (S.M.G.), and the artist who draws these cartoons (D.K.), unveiled the website tbtimes.org, because these people seem determined to ruin my life. I’ll have more on that at the end of this post, but let’s analyze this week’s images (yes, there are two!) first.

We have to start with the missed one from the Dolphin’s loss last week:

For the first time ever, Brady, S.M.G. and D.K. released the comic that would’ve run last week had Jay Cutler and the Dolphins not smoked the Patriots in Miami. It once again features fidget spinners, and was slightly different from the one I drew last week at 1 a.m. as an embarrassed Patriots fan.

What do we know from this picture? A few things.

Brady and Croc have tracked down the Dolphins’ fidget spinner ring.

It turns out that Croc’s dreadlocks from the original Dolphins comic were a disguise. I am not sure what the disguise is supposed to be. But he can be seen here removing it after he and Brady wrestle the South Beach Spinners briefcase away from the Dolphin.

They then run to a secret lair, which still seems to be underwater, and open the briefcase.

I laughed at the time, but NESN Patriots reporter Doug Kyed was right when he sent me this text last week, the ramps of the Dolphins stadium really do look like fidget spinners.

Now let’s look at this week’s comic:

This is a riff on the movie Zoolander. Ben Stiller, AKA Ben Steeler, is doing his signature modeling move “blue steel,” which sort of makes sense in a word association-type way, given that Ben Roethlisberger is the quarterback of the Steelers. Brady says, “Steeler...so hot right now...” which is from this scene:

The turtle is back from the first Dolphins comic, but the grouper with pink hair isn’t. So is the Narwhal, who first rescued Brady in the comic that ran after the game against the Bucs, when he killed pirate skeletons with lasers.

Speaking of lasers, the plans inside the Dolphins’ briefcase appear to be for some sort of giant, inter-galactic laser.

Oh my god, do you think that because I’ve been imagining that the social media room underneath a TB12 workout facility looks like a lair, they drew a lair?

Sorry, I know this isn’t about me.

Is that guy wearing a lab coat by the picture of Ben Steeler Gronk?

Yes, because in the comic after the Houston win, Gronk showed up wearing that same lab coat. He’s also wearing glasses and says, “the computer data is telling me...”

Get it? It’s funny because Gronk is not generally seen as a rocket scientist. They were in space then. Now they’re underwater. Or possibly underground.

Bill Hader is back from the Bills comic. So is Billy Crystal, who appears on the front page of the TB Times that Hader is reading.

Hader is still wearing the outfit that I couldn’t place based on researching his IMDB catalogue.

The finger game (where you’re allowed to punch your friends if you get them to look at your hand as you do the A-OK symbol) appears again. It first showed up in the comic that ran after the Bills game. This time, you can see Billy Crystal’s hand doing that sign on the back of the TB Times.

QUESTIONS, THOUGHTS, A DESCENT INTO MADNESS

I’m still having trouble figuring out how the Jets, Broncos, Chargers, Saints, and Atlanta comics play into all this.

Who is Croc?

What is Croc?

Why is Croc?

Why is the TB Times team taking all these dude actors from bro movies when I was in high school and putting them into comics? We’ve got Chuck Norris in here, too. These read like Millennial fan fic from 2007.

When I lived in Boston in 2014, I noticed all the guys in their early 20s had lines from Wedding Crashers, Zoolander, Old School, etc. in their Tinder profiles. I wrote an article about it. Maybe that’s relevant here. Maybe it isn’t.

Why are we sometimes in space and sometimes underwater?

And why, in the underwater lair, is there a football with planetary rings around it?

Interesting theory from Twitter, c/o Robbie Vogel: “The alligator steals the top secret docs from the Dolphins and we find out they’re in possession of Steelers-themed military schematics - are we to assume this means the Dolphins know how to beat the steelers? Cuz it kinda makes sense, the last two times the Steelers and fins played (last year and 2013) the fish won.”

Will the show from the Bills comic, Bill’s Got Talent, come back?

Is the key that Croc was holding the key to winning the Super Bowl?

Are answers to this whole thing contingent on the Pats winning the Super Bowl?

If it is, and the Patriots don’t, and we never get answers, will I die?

TBTIMES.ORG

The plot thickens. Usually these comics just get posted to Instagram and Facebook, but on Sunday, Tom Brady, S.M.G., and D.K. unveiled an entire website devoted to it. It’s TBTimes.org, so I guess it’s a non-profit? There’s not much here yet, but let’s dive in anyway.

When you go to the site, ominous music plays. Then all the characters from previous comics appear. We’ve got Brady as a centaur from the Broncos comic. We also have the Jets’ hot tub salesman, the Falcons’ falcon, the Panthers’ cat, the Rams’ ram, the turtle, Gronk with his lab coat on after the Buffalo game...

WAIT. OH MY GOD. I’M FREAKING OUT BECAUSE GRONK WAS IN A LAB COAT LAST YEAR. Not only does he appear in the Houston comic, and now the Steelers comic, wearing his coat, he was wearing it in the comic that ran after the Patriots beat the Bills in 2016!!!!

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Posted by Tom Brady on Sunday, October 30, 2016

The TB Times might be more calculated than I realized. When I started analyzing these a few weeks ago, I hypothesized that S.M.G., D.K., and Tom Brady had no idea what they were doing. I thought there was a good chance this started as a way to mess with indoctrinated Patriots fans who never question anything Tom Brady, prince and savior, does. I wondered if they’ve found themselves in slightly too deep, now that so many people (myself included) are so invested.

But maybe this has actually been planned out for two years.

Anyway, the rest of the gang is on tbtimes.org, too, but there’s a new guy — Peter Pan (or a leprechaun? I can’t tell) ripping his shirt open. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think we’ve seen him yet. He hasn’t been in any comics last year or this year. The closest thing we’ve got to Peter Pan is Brady walking the plank when the narwhal saves him.

When you click on the button in the upper left-hand corner that looks like the logo on a Lacoste polo, the Croc changes (if it turns out that this is all just a way of announcing a that Lacoste is Brady’s new sponsor, I will riot in the streets of Foxboro).

First, Croc changes into his fidget spinner disguise:

Then he becomes a slow cooker, briefly, (hah, get it? Croc Pot? *walks slowly into the ocean*):

Then he lets out a mighty roar:

If you click on the Panther (which someone on Twitter called “a fat cat” in a message to me, and which I can’t stop laughing about), this pops up:

It’s the version of the TB Times that would’ve come out on October 1, had the Patriots not lost to the Panthers. It’s actually fairly disgusting, and also might be my favorite edition yet.

In this comic, the Panther eats Tom Brady. Brady not only has a huge cell phone with him as he sits in the cat’s stomach, but also gets reception in there, so he’s able to call previous Patriots player Vince Wilfork. Vince is wearing the RIBS hat he wears in the commercial he did for Kingston Charcoal commercial (fun fact: I love Vince and that hat so much that I bought one from the Kingston website, I’m wearing it as I write this).

Vince then feeds the panther so many ribs that the Panther forms a hairball in his stomach and throws up Tom Brady so hard that he shoots him into space.

FINALLY! AN ANSWER FOR WHY WE WERE IN SPACE WHEN THEY PLAYED HOUSTON! IT’S ALL STARTING TO COME TOGETHER!!!!!

Wait, except that it isn’t. The Patriots beat the Texans a week before they played the Panthers. The week after this would’ve come out, the Patriots played the Bucs, but that cartoon doesn’t take place in space.

I’m about three paragraphs away from lighting my computer on fire and drop-kicking it out of my window.

But first, check out this cryptic message in the HTML code of the website (yeah, I went there, and yeah, I’m fine, thanks for asking, the walls of my apartment are not covered with string and pictures of various species of crocodiles, why do you ask?):

They spell Croc “Krock” in that line of code I’ve highlighted. Maybe Croc is Robert Kraft. Krock. Hmmm...

When you click the console button under the Inspect Element tab, you see this:

It reads:

Hey! Tom Brady here.

Boy, I sure do love playing football. But there’s nothing quite like writing a healthy block of JavaScript.

Anyway, nice to see someone found this site and decided to inspect element.

You won’t find any more secrets here, though...yet.

Go Pats!

Well, damn. This feels like the closest thing to a personalized message I’m going to get. I wonder if they knew I’d inspect element. I doubt Brady wrote this, but it really does read like the gosh-darn-y way he talks.

You better believe that I’ll be checking this religiously as we head into the playoffs.

The fact that S.M.G., D.K., and Tom Brady are releasing previously unseen versions of the comics (from last week’s Dolphins game, and now this) makes me think several things:

Maybe these guys DO know what they’re doing and they need all of the panels in order for the story to come together at the end of the year. So far, characters and narratives just keep reappearing haphazardly, but I have learned to never doubt Tom Brady when he’s trying to execute a plan. It usually works out.

Maybe they were so cocky going into this season that they didn’t think they’d lose a single game and would therefore be able to release these only when they won. Maybe they need this website to ensure all the comics get published.

Alternatively, this could be a very charming version of a midlife crisis. Or perhaps a sign that Tom Brady is starting his own media company once his career playing football is over. If that is true (SB Nation, don’t read this), I would like to know if they’re looking for an editor in chief. Or, hell, even a blogger. I emailed asktombrady@gmail.com to ask about it. I’ve emailed this address before, but I’ve never heard back, so I’m not holding my breath.

On a more serious note, I have to say that I think this is all kind of wonderful. Brady doesn’t have to do any of this, but it’s a fun element to an otherwise pretty garbage NFL season. And not only for Patriots fans — I’ve received a number of emails and tweets saying that people hate New England but love this strange and bizarre story that’s playing out online.

it’s smart, actually, for a QB of a team everyone hates to get a little funky. People might actually want the Patriots to win, if only for this silly reason.

In case you’re worried that the process of figuring out these trippy and frustratingly puzzling pictures is having psychotropic effects on me, don’t be. Here, for proof, is a video I took of myself while I researched the JavaScript of a football player’s fake newspaper’s website and Googled “inter-galactic lasers football”:

Except at the end, instead of turning around and saying, “I need a map,” I just do this: